#driving myself insane about posting and how to and yadda yadda yadda

[brizie-doodles]

Been stalling on posting but s/o to @ask-spiderpool 's lovley Anita and Peter...they are everything 💖💖💖

[ratcandy]

Subcon Forest Analysis

Hi everyone I'm here to spill my aggressive overflowing thoughts on Subcon Forest and what it represents because it's been driving me insane since I finished the Sleepy Subcon time rift. Okay let's go. Obvious spoilers for AHIT ahead so proceed with caution.

This is also very, very long.

Disclaimer/warning: I will be discussing abusive/unhealthy relationships in this analysis. I mean. Vanessa. Come on. Also, there is a section on the nooses, and that delves, of course, into mentions of suicide. It will be sectioned off and easily skipped, but if you'd rather be safe and skip the entire post, that's completely understandable! Please stay safe. <3

Alright. Main point to be had here:

Subcon Forest is a giant extended metaphor for Snatcher's mind and character.

You all get to now listen to me spout nonsense about metaphors and symbolism because I'm a sucker for analysis and I'm given an opportunity to go ham. So perish.

The Ice

Let's start with the most obvious and most glaring thing in Subcon. The ice. It's everywhere. Not just outside Vanessa's manor, either; no, it's throughout the village, too. Shows up in the well and in random locations sprinkled about. When it comes to literal plot, we know that ice is just what lingers after Vanessa's wintery curse on Subcon. But going deeper and analyzing the meaning behind it?

Well, let's look at this from the perspective I've suggested. Subcon Forest being an extended metaphor for Snatcher's mind and character. A symbol for Vanessa then litters his mind, enough where it's certainly noticeable at first but blends in more easily once more of Subcon is unlocked to Hat Kid. This is clearly meant to be his lingering trauma, whether or not he wants to acknowledge it. Which he doesn't, as he never mentions it directly in his forest (that I can recall). Her influence plagues him, as to be expected with the traumatic experiences he went through with her. Breaking the ice is something Hat Kid must do in order to fulfill the wishes of the Fire Spirits (another subject I'll get into shortly), which, if self-indulgently playing with the found family idea, could mean that Hat Kid is helping him heal; if indirectly. Even if fulfilling the Fire Spirits' wish to die is... counterproductive, in that measure, which I'm now getting ahead of myself so hold on a sec!!

Vanessa. Ice. Everywhere. Traces of it all over his forest. That's the effects of an abusive relationship! Especially in a worst-case scenario where... yknow! One party in the relationship dies! So of course ice would be everywhere.

In and of itself, ice is a common symbol in literature and other forms of media. In this case, it's presented as an antagonistic force; emphasis is placed upon freezing and the harm that comes with it. The cold is unwelcoming, threatening, merciless. Snow can act as an insulating force, at least, but ice cannot. It can only make things colder.

A slight stretch: Seeing as this game deals a lot with time shenaniganry, I'm not sure if it'd be too out of left field to connect "freezing" with the theme of time. Yknow. Frozen in time. Both parties here, Snatcher and Vanessa, would be in this frozen state. One largely repressing it and never fully moving on, and the other doomed to her isolation ever since the event in question. They never moved past that moment after the Prince and florist's interaction.

The Fire Spirits (& the Portraits)

I'll put a slight warning here for suicidal ideation, if only because... it's the Fire Spirits we're talking about. It's not as grossly in-detail as the noose discussion will be, though, so make of that what you will.

To me, the Fire Spirits are a very interesting case. After all, they're fire. They're a direct contrast to the ice, thus being the only thing we're shown that could potentially melt it. The Fire Spirits, in my opinion, represent hope or a strength to continue. A strength to move on after troubles of the past.

...And that hope wants to die.

The Fire Spirits wish to burn out, to leave this mortal coil and abandon the forest to the cold. They make no effort to melt the ice, they simply dance, blissfully ignorant towards their surroundings. This being a metaphor for Snatcher's own hope for moving on is made all the more obvious by the fact he wants them gone. The first contract is to kill the Fire Spirits, to kill the hope. Perhaps he believes that sort of thing to be fruitless or naïve, so it only clutters his mind or has him foolishly optimistic at points. So, get rid of it. And the hope is happy to oblige.

(That, or their willingness to leave the forest to its own suffering and not aid in the ice's thaw angers him. Besides the whole "bark bark growl I can't get to parts of my forest because of them!!" which... also could represent a naïve hope clouding his judgement, not allowing him to see a bigger picture. But hope can't all be lost if one wants to move forward...)

A little side-tangent now on the portraits! And it's another slight stretch but the idea is in my head and I can't let it go. Portraits are another common symbol, usually being a physical representation of a memory or idea. For our purposes, let's say they're memories. I know in canon they appear to just hold souls captive or something but for now we're just Ignoring That(tm). The Fire Spirits have to burn the portraits to disappear. See where I'm going with this, maybe?

Instead of handling bad memories (or perhaps memories of the past in general) in any healthy manner, Snatcher chooses to forget/repress them, which just allows his hope to progressively die out.

I'm really hoping this is making sense because it makes a lot of sense to me but I might be insane rn

The Fact that this is a Forest

Forest symbolism breakdown! What's a forest usually mean in literature? "Traditionally, the forest has come to represent being lost, exploration and potential danger as well as mystery and 'other worldliness'." Okay. Yeah. Fair enough. That certainly works with the whole aesthetic we've got going on. Wood usually is life, growth and strength. But the trees of subcon are all dead. So what about that? It stands for death, big whoop, very spooky, we know Snatcher's dead and so are the children, yadda yadda wowie wowie. But. :) The trees in Subcon look a lot like trees that were scorched in a forest fire. Don't believe me?

(You could also argue they're just regular marsh/swamp trees bUT SSHHSUUHSH HANG ON HEAR ME OUT LOOK LOOK,)

What I believe to have happened was a controlled fire to rid the forest of the majority of its ice and snow. Likely done by Snatcher. It leaves behind a very desolate, depressing, barren scene... but. What else do dead/burnt trees symbolize? Rebirth. After all, controlled fires happen to make way for new trees to take the place of old ones. Some trees only drop seeds in fires/hot temperatures, so new ones take root and begin anew. Weird. It's almost like... I dunno. Snatcher was given some sorta second chance, given he's not just a corpse in Vanessa's cellar. So were the subconites. Another life given then by Snatcher. All connected I tell ya!!

Generally, aside from that, forests have many connotations. Mystery, isolation, claustrophobia; a place to dwell on regrets, or the past; to worry over one's future; to seek escape from or escape inside of... hmgmrnmm!

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- T / W -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

The Nooses

The t/w is given at the top and another cut-off point will follow the bottom of this, for those that would like to skip. This will delve into talk of suicide and abusive tactics used by abusers. Please don't read if it will upset you or make you feel unsafe!!!

Personally, I cannot stand the nooses, but that's just due to my own triggers. Were there a way to hide those from the game or replace the damned talking ones with anything else. I would take it. In a heartbeat. But I can still appreciate the potential analysis to be had with them. So now i'm gonna talk about it despite how uncomfortable it will make me to do so. yEa

So, what about 'em? There are three types of nooses seen in Subcon. At least that I remember but I didn't really go looking for them. Empty ones, ones containing empty subconites, and the talking ones.

Nooses in general obviously can hint towards suicidal thoughts or behaviors of the characters that interact with them. If saying Subcon is Snatcher's mind, it could suggest that he suffered from some sort of suicidal thoughts in life (or currently, if second death is possible... or if he never truly died... or maybe he's trying to figure that out...which has given me... a separate idea...uh oh). But. And hear me out. Different perspective.

A talking noose. I hate them with a fiery passion that is unmatched. But think of the packed symbolism of a noose that talks. And think more about what it says. "I wouldn't mind being strapped around a cute neck like yours." "Be careful now, I don't want to see you meet a miserable end anywhere, but with me." Oddly, a lot of what the noose says seems almost... endearing? One could argue it's a way of luring someone to put it around their necks, which in and of itself is a whole lot to unpack when it comes to suicidal thoughts beckoning one forward; painting itself as something romantic, almost. But. Here's a wild idea, now. What if the nooses, at least the talking ones, are another symbol for Vanessa?

They're tinted blue, after all. While Vanessa's scheme is more red, one could argue two things: One, ice. Blue. Ice. yeah. Or two, the fact that Snatcher's scheme is more purple. Blue and red... make... purple. So, for all we know, Snatcher's current state was a compound effort between suicidal thoughts and Vanessa's treatment of him. Perhaps he even found a way to put himself out of his misery before freezing/starving to death. (I know he has dialogue that argues against that, but... are we certain Snatcher would be the kind to admit suicide over freezing to death?... I don't think so.)

At any rate, a common threat by those in "control" of an abusive relationship is that of killing themselves should the other person not do as they desire. It's a cruel form of emotional manipulation to get their way, worse off if the other party is an empathetic individual. As a person who has been the empathetic individual in relationships like this... I would know. I've been here, unfortunately So, it's not completely out of the question to say Vanessa could've used some tactic like that, even before the whole... cellar ordeal. Did she? I dunno. I'm tossing ideas around. But if she did, the threats of such would sit around in the Prince's mind easily. Even if she has a reputation of not going through with it. It doesn't matter. That shit sticks with you forever, that scare, the potential of it ever being true, is horrifying and it ruins you. I'm projecting, Squirtle.

Still. A noose cannot hang itself. It has to have a victim.

...yea.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- T / W PASSED -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Misc. Ideas

- The spiders: Aside from the usual things spiders can be chalked up to symbolizing - toxicity, alluring danger, just... general pain - I like the potential wordplay that can happen here. Yknow. A black widow. Say the Prince and Vanessa were married when one died. What would that leave Vanessa? A widow. ...She's red and black, too. Yknow. Like a black widow. HA wordplay is fun isn't it?

- Snatcher's tree: Love this place, love sitting in here. But not the point! The inside of Snatcher's tree is such a harsh juxtaposition to the rest of Subcon that it kinda throws ya off guard. After all, the dark, purples and blues then contrasted with the bright warm colors of the inside. Even the music switches over. The thorns outside aren't present indoors. Ohh yeah this is gonna be on the nose as hell but the Tree(tm) is 100% representing Snatcher's appearance/put-on personality vs. his truer nature. Spooky outside with thorns, foreboding, unwelcoming. Then the more comfortable interior. VULnerable. Have I even mentioned that the tree is HOLLOW I mean COME ON. The sturdiness of that tree? Nonexistent. He's not a sturdy guy at all no matter how he fronts

- Intrusions are unwelcome: Snatcher does not like the fact that Hat Kid sticks around in his forest. His personal space. His mind. In fact he tries desperately to get rid of her after their fight, not wanting her presence in his forest at all. He has no problem providing more contracts later on with the Death Wish thing, and he finds great entertainment in messing around with Hat Kid, so it's not just a weird sudden hatred he has for her; it's the fact that. After she's finished being useful, he no longer wants her around, lest she find some things she shouldn't find. Now he's just uncomfortable with her in his personal boundaries. Could just be a denial that she's helped him heal (breaking ice, stealing from Vanessa, being something interesting for his kids to interact with) or just not really wanting a child to get wrapped up in. All that. Most likely the former. Considering the amount of joke-hints he drops regarding his background during his Death Wish dialogue. I see you funny man, making jokes out of your trauma as a coping mechanism. Punts him

Annnd I think that's all I got, for now! I'll make an update post if I get any more sporadic ideas. If you read this whole thing, thank you!! and also!! Wow that was a lot!! Hell world. Please feel free to elaborate on any of my points or debate with me on em!! I'm always open to other ideas, just be aware that if I disagree I am not shy when it comes to debate hehehe, tho I won't be aggressive to any extent I prommy!!

Alrighty. goes to sleep goodnight

[bthump]

Hey,what if it femto raped guts instead during the eclipse ? I think it would be more in character for femto (embodiment of grif self-loathing aka his fear of being a monster taking what it wants wtv it takes +nice parralel of grif interior monologue during his fight wt guts aka having guts wtv it takes),and more wise story-like (echo of guts past trauma+eclipse being bout him and not casca+the following chapter wld rly be bout guts+etc).And it wld have been depicted respectfully lol

this is a dicey topic so I’m putting it under a cut, cw for somewhat casual discussion of rape

tbh yeah it probably would’ve been more tastefully depicted, both the scene and the aftermath/trauma (not that that’s a hard bar to clear, but Miura does care more about realistic depictions of men with trauma than women with trauma lbr). I mean obviously it would’ve been extra fucked up and offensive w/ that predatory gay villain shit, but it’s not like the canon version is great on that score either. And you’re right that at least the misogynist fridging of a female character + subsequent manpain wouldn’t be a factor. Idk it’s a hypothetical so it doesn’t really matter whether it’d be more or less or the same amount of offensive anyway, and it’s all subjective when it comes to comparing misogyny vs homophobia lol.

and honestly I kinda asked myself the same thing while writing my long Griffith meta, particularly the third part where, yk, I got into parallels w/ the King and his feelings for Charlotte and Griffith’s self-loathing and potentially seeing his feelings as intrinsically predatory wrt the second duel, yadda yadda yadda. Like, I could see it as an alternate version of the Eclipse. I don’t think it would necessarily be ooc for a potential personification of Griffith’s inner evil.

It would be ooc for the Femto we got though imo. Bc Femto and NeoGriffith re-enforce Griffith’s denial, they’re all about denying that they give a single fuck. If raping Guts = Femto taking what he wants, then he’s admitting to himself that he wants him, and one of his main reasons for making the sacrifice was to stop wanting him. Like while I doubt this was Miura’s reasoning lol, I do think it makes sense for him to assault Casca rather than Guts (yk assuming an Eclipse rape has to happen). It fits the pattern of how they both use her as an intermediary to repress their feelings for each other.

And I mean obviously we can talk about how rape isn’t about sex or sexual desire but rather about power and degradation, but wrt a fictional depiction where the evil version of a dude who was in love with the protag sexually assaults him, you can’t really divorce that from the human version’s feelings. Tho I suppose it could be framed as like a version of the Hill of Swords scene, ie Femto testing himself in a grotesque way, so it doesn’t necessarily have to be an admittance of lingering, now twisted and evil feelings from his pov. Idk, whatever.

Anyway it would’ve wildly changed everything post Eclipse. tbh I think it would totally destroy Guts - not like drive him insane like Casca bc honestly that’s just Miura’s cop-out to avoid writing a realistically traumatized woman, but I mean like… it’s the opposite of what his deal is now, in a way.

If post-Eclipse Guts was largely motivated by this continued need for Griffith/Femto’s attention, that connection between them, to be hated as an enemy if he couldn’t be loved as a friend, etc, and I definitely think that’s the case, then like, sexual assault during the Eclipse is a way of hurting him while giving him that attention. A corrupted + weaponized aspect of something he wants.

Like idk I can’t even rly picture what his reaction would be if suddenly Femto’s attention/that “true light” bond between them was a terrifying source of trauma rather than something to pursue. Maybe he would still try to lash out and kill him, but less a genuine attempt and more suicide by monster? Like with how much more powerful Femto is, Guts would know he’s not actually a match for him, but he’s also so driven to kill as his number one reaction to everything that scares him. I feel like he’d have much less self-preservation (and BS Guts did not have much in the first place lbr) bc he doesn’t genuinely want to find and face Femto again in this version of events, and he’d be dead 1 or 2 apostles into his revenge spree.

I suppose there’s also room to explore more complicated feelings, like how would Guts feel about human Griffith in this circumstance - still regret and guilt, or would that be overwritten? Would this reach back and ruin his memories of the old days? Basically, does he still miss human Griffith? Is there any part of him that still wants Griffith’s attention despite everything? I mean you have canon lines like “is she not precious because she’s the wound Griffith left, because you want to keep feeling the pain he caused you,” after all. Like, what would the Beast of Darkness say to him now? If this AU version of the Eclipse rape was yk, the same as canon with the same focus on unwilling arousal + orgasm, how does that aspect fuck Guts up? etc etc.

But lbr those are questions more suited to darkfic than meta.

[bigbrothermonopoly]

EPISODE 3:

HOH: EVE

EVICTED: TAWNI 13-0

KORI:

Honestly, after recording this, it kinda shocks me how much was happening in House Chat... did they not have friends and family to spend the New Year's with instead of being drunk on Discord?

JESS:

If I have to hear Chris say "And I ooop" ONE MORE FUCKING TIME. I SWEAR.

WILLIAM:

I can't say I am not nervous about Eve winning HoH for two reasons.... First off I know that there are no more major house targets so now alliances might start forming, and I just hope that I am a part of them, and secondly I don't think many people know where Eve's head is at and whoever she puts up will absolutely be a blindside 

KRISTINE:

Oh my goodnessss Im so glad that Eve kept me safe this week. It really really sucks that I’m playing veto though... especially since Austin is up there as a nominee. I really think I should throw this Veto because I really need to keep my middle ground. I want to work with Eve for sure but Chris is just like pulling me into all this craziness with a big alliance and everything it’s really too much sometimes. I’m throwing this veto hard asf and this one BETTER not bounce back lmao. Anyways I hope this works out for me. 

JESS:

The relationships in this game are definitely becoming super evident and transparent right now. From the top of my head I can name at least 4 sets of duos, budding friendships, and alliances. This what I think so far.... Gwen, Silence, and Austin are an alleged thing. How do I know: Will told me because Madison spilled it to him. (Brien hasn't told me yet and I'm sure Madison has told me so that is SUSSSSSSS) As a result of that... I know: Will and Madison are close which means Brien/Madison/Will should be close just by association through Madison. Madison has come to life so it wouldn't surprise me if she was friends with a majority of these boys because apparently that is her thing. Brien also seems to be spreading his social seed around so those two are kind of scary to me but as soon as I expose they are dating I think there will at least be some paranoia there and people will target them. Will was an idiot and shared his screen so my ass took a screenshot to see his alliances and I do know he has one called "Rws League" so I know he's at least withholding that info from me. SO SUSSSSS but also can't blame him for not sharing alliances with me? We will work on that though. Next up we have: Kristine, Chris, Brien, Emma, Emma How do I know: Brien spilled the beans last round. Do I think it's 100% a thing not really but I do think there is a chance it is a thing. The idea of this being a thing is soooo scary to me because this group has sooo many other outside connections. Brien has Madison because well they are dating. Kristine and Chris are close I think? Emma and Def have that Galore thing but who knows? (I honestly don't think the Galore thing is an actual factor in this game) Kristine has Eve and that whole duo thing fucking scares me because I think they could both run this game if they wanted to do so. Where do I fit into all of this? I have no idea. I don't have anything outside of my day 1 alliance of Kori/Emma/Eve/Mackenzie/Myself and the weird Brien and Madison one. I know I need to make more connections so people won't nominate me or if they do I'll have the votes and the connections to stay. I know Brien has hinted at wanting to make an alliance of 5 with myself, Eve, him, and Madison but he's really pushing for William as a fifth. Which I would be fine with IF I didn't know that he was already close with Madison. I don't like power imbalances not in my favour in alliances so...  yikes. I feel a bit better about my position in the game right now. I do think I've at least gained some ground on people like William and Andrew. I want to trust Kori and work with him going forward but I'd be dumb to think he's not doing the same thing and planning for the future where the alliance implodes. I just feel like with Kori it is so hard for me right now to get him to give me info. I feel like I'm the one who constantly has to talk to him first, give him info first, and try to basically encourage him to TALK TO ME ABOUT THIS GAME and it is driving me insane. I'm trying not to be paranoid but that just scares me and shows me that just because I think I can trust someone it does not necessarily mean the feeling is mutual or at least it isn't at the same level of trust I have in them. This is probably paranoia all talking so don't mind me future episode reader.

CHRIS:

All right so I survived Potentially eve putting me up. I only assume that she would because her and Andrew seem very close. I know that I am on thin ice with some people however hopefully the nominations will stay the same and I won’t be back doored. If anyone in my alliance wins and they want to take down Austin, I might convince them to not and just shove all the votes on silence. If all the vote go on silence then Austin will still be here no matter what, which would then still have power trap, Jason’s book club, and underwood slongs are still intact. Soon this game will take off, and there will be no easy targets. When that happens I am hopeful all my appliances and the relationships I made or help me walk towards the end

KORI:

So, this kindof sucks? Like on one hand I'm glad Eve won HoH because I want her to raise her target so that she'll eventually take the fall, and because I know we're good and she won't be looking to nominate me or backdoor me for a solid while yet. Still not exactly a fan of how it went down since she did LITERALLY nothing in the challenge until the last hour. Mackenzie did all the work in my mind she should've probably won the challenge. The part that sucks is that she nominated Austin AND Silence, two of my Mandela Moncoles Alliance members, which means I can't actually win POV even if I'm capable of doing so. (Granted I'd have thrown even if she nominated one of them.) Because then I'd have to choose, that could expose things, yadda, yadda, yadda. I might come to regret throwing POV because it could lead to myself being backdoored. But I also am hoping the game I'm playing is like I don't know, not complete shit that I won't be in that kind of situation this early on. There's still some people where my relationship is pretty lacking and balancing that last challenge when I'm in 2 alliances was just a complete cluster-fuck, and here's hoping that if it IS Silence and Austin, that Silence is the one that goes. I feel like Austin is easier to manage, even if he's a little less active. Like Silence is ok, but we don't need more drunkeness and shit. Hopefully whoever goes my relation to Gwen and whoever stays remains UTR. Though the nomination situation might change post-veto. I'm also currently debating snagging the Utilities when I have enough money... I dunno, it just seems like it could be a good purchase for me, since I don't predict I'll be in a situation where I'll actually be able to get Boardwalk and Park Place. We'll see what my options are closer to the time.

ANDREW:

episode 3 why tf would chris come for me, he asked me to be his ally the other day like thats annoying af. he pissed me off "i see that william billed me. i now give myself permission to destroy him without feeling bad" mission accomplished i want to win this HoH so far im doing pretty good and im confident i can win if i keep it up the only thnig im worried about is i told my bf id hang out with him at like 7:30 but. might have to blow him off jk not ruining a relationship 4 this game but i hope i can win lmfao Chris pming mackenzie to get me out Ur ass is going up if i win mf Ur an idiot. I hate every man in this competition except brian and dem i like actually dont wanna try anymore these bitches are so fucking annoying like i will try but i dont fucking want to i hate kori and chris i hate chris so fucking much Eve is in first place and she hasnt done shit which is lowkey annoying af but its whatever For some reason i feel like Eve is going to do me dirty this week, I don’t know why i feel this way but I just do I see her as big af competition like probs my biggest, i hope she doesn’t see me in the same light because i don’t want her gunning for me@ Daily reminder I hate Chris I know it’s going to be a bitch to take him out of this game But i will go down trying Omg! Austin winning veto is fucking dope cuz i completely expected him to go home this week lmfao And i think he likes me still despite the whole chris thingy (i informed him what happened and how we will no longer be working together) EVE has informed me that there are sides slowly forming in this game, I tell her I'm scared bc I don't get much info, she tells me to stick with her and she'll have my back, so tht's what im going to do :heart: I trust her, the bitch is smart and people like her. her word seems genuine, she doesn't need to be making a deal with me, i have no power and she has all of it, so thats why im trusting her word rn 

JESS:

Well time for a tipsy confessional. Guess what? People aka: Kristine think me, Gwen, and Tawni are close? That's fucking news to me. That kind of really bothers me because I don't get how she'd come to that conclusion.... which means someone on a call spread that to Kristine. Somehow. The only people on call with the 3 of us were Brien/William/Madison I think so rip,

AUSTIN:

So... I was nominated this week. But guess what? I won the mother fuckin’ power of veto and saved myself. Now Tawni is on the block next to Silence as Eve’s replacement nominee. I’m in an alliance with Silence so it would make sense to vote out Tawni. Most of the house wants Tawni out I believe so I’m pretty sure she is going home.

TAWNI:

I’m probably gone TAWNIToday at 5:11 AM Part of me wants to quit because I’m annoyed But I’m not a quitter At least physically leave the game quit I’ve just given up I physically feel sick TAWNIToday at 5:18 AM I wouldn’t be in this position If this was the time o was going to bed and not waking up everyday Or if I could be more active at work And this happening right after I’ve had to deal with the add contacts shit Like and everyone is mad at me because I have a bad taste for cheatham in my mouth when I have a valid reason to be mad at him but everyone sees it as I’m mad he voted me out But when have they heard me talk about the others that did Everyone in the community believes what they want to believe And right now I feel like I’m seen as the bad guy TAWNIToday at 5:29 AM But someone is saying I have connections in this game And I don’t I talk to Jess and brien Two votes won’t save me My fucking connections are in here And no one here can help me The worst part is the fact if anyone drafted me I like let them down. And like people have said before no one really cares about the draft like that but it’s like people had faith in me or at least hoped I’d win and I came up short. And on a comp I’m able to get a 12 on and I just couldn’t do it TAWNIToday at 6:23 AM I just don’t understand what I did Because eve saying it’s not personal doesn’t make sense. I’m not a physical threat. I haven’t come close to winning anything. I’m not a social threat clearly because no one wants to keep me where. And she said I was always going to be the renom???? And now I’m the target? And she’s mad at me for being upset?? I’m I just that big of an idiot that I don’t see her logic? And yes I’m still crying TAWNIToday at 6:34 AM It’s seriously taking everything in me to not go off in the house chat. I have so much anger and hurt built up inside of me right now. From getting out on TS and having everyone hate me to getting put on the list and not being able to defend myself not being able to defend someone I consider a friend after I got them put in that Situation and now because I don’t even know who started this thing about me having connections. I

MACKENZIE:

hiiii currently trying to decide who i’m gonna vote to evict hzjjzjzjz ummm hoping me or jess wins hoh next round ummm also kristine still scares me

GWEN:

Tawni will be going home. So much has gone down in the last few days. I was on VC with Silence and he didn't realize that Madison was on and mentioned an alliance with us and Austin. And now people think we're in an alliance with Dem. How that happened? I have no idea. Also, people think that the "Old ladies" of Tawni, Jess, and I are in an alliance. Not true. Soooo that is a good reason for Tawni to go home. I DON'T TRUST BRIEN THAT SNEAKY SON OF A BITCH...LOVE YOU Brien, but you gotta goooo dude.

JESS:

So I'm just here eating a bagel kind of hoping I choke on it because maybe it'll put me out of the misery that is this GAME. So much has happened this fucking round. First of all Kristine trying to paint me, Gwen, and Tawni as a trio... super cute. She couldn't be more wrong.This is the second time Kristine has been shady towards me so she needs to fucking go. She won't go for a bit because Eve thinks 'she has Kristine" but I don't so she needs to BOUNCE. I don't trust Tawni one bit. She's too emotional, she literally admitted to hating me for A YEAR for a past game move I don't even remember or the game.. Gwen is also just... way.too.much. So that is a big yikes. So Tawni has to go. She was going to go regardless because of her comment she made towards me about being mad at me for a year. So that had to go for me before jury started because nope. not listening to that all game. I'll let Eve think she's protecting me from others but I would have pushed Tawni to go because she has the MOST dirt on my gameplay in this game. So this all works out. HOWEVER, MY BOO ANDREW IS KEEPING STUFF FROM ME. I'm heart broken. LITERALLY HEART BROKEN. I'm hearing he knew about the alliance of Gwen, Austin, Silence, Dem but he didn't tell me. Now he's trying to pretend like he's hearing this shit for the first time and I'm just overrrrrr it. This is strike one for him. I know he's close to Austin. So that's probably why everyone knows about this alliance. Austin probably told Andrew and Chris. I think Chris told Brien who in turn told me.. and everyone else because he's... Brien. I've also found out that Chris/Kristine/Emma have recently played a game together so THANKS JACOB for casting them together. That there is also an alliance with Brien/Chris/Gwen which is cute. Will use this info later on. I just think there's way tooo many unknowns for me in this fucking game but I don't want to win next HOH because I would want to nominate fucking Kristine. She doesn't trust me and I don't trust her. I'd be so tempted to nominate Kristine/Austin just to shake shit up. But one could only dream and that'd be dumb. I'm so happy Mackenzie is starting to see through Eve's shit. I really hope she starts playing as her own player because I'd make her my #1 so fucking fast. I obviously can't agree with her straight up because she might go back to Eve but... Eve does treat her and me like we are her bitches. We HAD to give Eve the advantage, we HAVE to take out Tawni for Eve. I can't wait until people start seeing through her shit and she goes but not only I've secured myself in this game..

KORI:

So like legit, Tawni has CRACKED. She got really emotional on call with Gwen and Eve, she's apparently HARDCORE throwing Gwen under the bus. I'm just sitting here drinking my tea like: https://media2.giphy.com/media/3o7btLQZrOU4ssEew8/giphy.gif It looks reasonably likely that Tawni is going to go home as a result. What's interesting is that this week I feel like revealed a dynamic to me of Madison-Brien-Tawni-William, that I think I wasn't aware of before. I also just did a clutch maneuver towards what I believed to be peak Chaos, Me and Gwen went and bought the utilities. Ideally I'll be the one in control of how we use the Utilities no idea what the power is yet because we're so BROKE we can't even trade them to a single person to hold... so that's fun. I'm excited though because I feel like it's the first thing I've like DONE. Granted this probably removes any Chance I have of getting Boardwalk/Park Place. But I'm totally fine with that, the odds of me getting that whole set was low anyway, this one is at least obtainable and there's a chance that I might get some more of the lower properties too. Brien is honestly probably a snake though based on the conversations we've been having lately. But I'm not gonna look to make some giant waves. Like if I win HoH next week I'll probably nominate some combination of William, Dem, Andrew, and Madison. Just gotta see how this week goes first. (And actually win HoH next week. Probs won't happen... we'll have to wait and see.) In other news I just launched my ORG series Survivor Zenith YAS! It's stressful hosting an ORG but like I'm excited too, so here's hoping that goes well and that I'm still in this game when I finish hosting it.

EMMA:

shit is gonna be wild next week cant wait to make a confs and not be boring yeehaw

BRIEN: