#dumb cousin fucking terrorists

[tehjleck]

I love it when a MAGAt says some dumb shit and blocks me before I can respond, it really drives home the idea that they've got nothing. No legs to stand on, nothing but problems and grievances mostly of their making.

The world has been watching since your mango messiah first defiled the oval. But the most important thing to be aware of is that the internet remembers everything.

You can post your bullshit about x, y, and z... but you'd better be ready when people do a little internet search and find that it was more like z made x do y ... it's right there. easily proven, with factual evidence.

Without blinking, MAGAts will be like they reported it on fox... because they don't know what came out in the Dominion lawsuit, they don't know that fox news execs think they're "dumb, cousin fucking terrorists".

(heres the fun part, you guys) we get to tell them!

[afurioushawk]

Thoughts and prayers to all the dumb cousin-fucking terrorists fine patriots about to ruin their lives next week for a man who wouldn’t piss on them if they were on fire (because he’s not into golden-showers).

[steele-soulmate]

Tattooed Wings, CHAPTER 544, Peter Steele & OFC, Soulmate AU

SUMMARY: Mary Claire Bradley meets her soulmate- literally- the famous Peter Steele of metal group Type O Negative. But will obstacles including trauma, stalkers, and toxic family members get in the way of their life?

WARNING: mentions of child rape (nothing graphic) PTSD, milk kink, soft smut, grinding, assault, fingering, hand jobs, blow jobs, 69, P in V sex, blood, noncon rape, violence, death, vandalism, graffiti, attempted kidnapping, break-ins, wild animal attacks, terrorist attack (sabotage) consensual impregnation, bareback, impregnation kink, creampies, terrorist attacks (shootings) hit and run pedestrian accident, precipitous labor, neonatal death, abandoned baby

A NOTE FROM THE AUTHORESS:

Happy New Year, goils!

WORDS: 1197

“Flooting lan lan, Eor tail, Dum Dum fetter, Tink Bell wings, pwetty flower, app app, shoo, spin spin, map cor mir mirs, hon hon pot, baoon house, wand, snoofake, ice scate, bow aroow, pwetty flower, drag drag, leaf, castle!” giggled Baby Tommy as he played with my Disney charm bracelet tattoo that was wrapped around my left wrist.

“Yes, that’s right!” I cooed at the chubby little man in my lap, Baby Noah toddling up to us. “Oh, look at who’s here- did you by to say hello?”

“Hihi Baa bee Nono!” Baby Tommy chirped happily, sliding out of my lap.

“Baa bee Tomm Tomm, wesies taksies walksies walks?” he asked, taking his older cousin’s hand and the both of the bopping off to go on a little adventure in the backyard.

“Mommy?” I stood and went over to where Elizabeth was standing at the backdoor with an anxious look on her face. “Jonathan and Priscilla are out front.”

An ugly expression overtook my face as I stood and stormed inside the house, wondering what in the name of Saint Barnabas my sperm doner and his whore of a wife were doing back at my home again.

“What the fuck do you want?” I snarled at the two the second I met them at the front, balling my fist so tightly that I felt my fingernails drawing blood. “The both of you are not welcomed here.”

“Mary Claire, wonderful to see you again, my dear.” Jonathan nodded at me as he held Priscilla close to him. the blonde’s face wearing an ugly expression plastered across it as she very clearly sulked. “How have you and Peter been doing?”

“Fucking terrific, until you two dumb ass fuckers showed up.” I sent the two of them an irritated glare. “Now what the fuck do you want?”

“Mary Claire Bradley, don’t you dare use that kind of language with us.” Jonathan tried to establish his long since abolished right as my elder.

“Well then- fuck the ever fucking fuck off,” I snarled dangerously. “NOW.”

“Well, I don’t quite like your language, young lady,” he said, Priscila shooting me a nasty smile.

“You are not welcomed here, now get off the property before I remove you by force.”

I relaxed once my husband joined us- he had been up in little girl’s nursery, changing the triplets’ diapers. He stepped out in front of me, gently nudging me behind him as he loomed up in front of the two trespassers.

“NOW.”

I didn’t have to look to see the look of pissed rage on his handsomely bearded face, his body positioning practically screaming GET THE FUCK OFF MY LAND.

But still, Jonathan acted like an idiot.

“Ah, Peter, my boy!” he greeted my pissed off husband. “Prissy and I both heard through the grapevine that the Bradley family has newcomers- triplets, none the less! So my wife and I both took it upon ourselves to come on by with gifts and I have some advice for you-”

Peter tugged me inside the house and loudly shut the door in their faces, breathing heavily as he forced himself not to break anything.

“Hey MC, Elizabeth told us to help you,” Frank announced as he and my older six older brother wandered in from the party out in the backyard. Adam was wearing three party hats on his head, Daniel paused long enough to rap three times into the doorframe and Caleb was cradling his sleeping nephew. Gideon was carrying two of the three triplets while Benjamin was cradling the other baby. “What’s going on?”

“Jonathan and Priscila are out front, being buttheads,” I announced, not missing the look that the seven of them exchanged. “As per usual.”

“Hey, do you need us to go out and do damage control?” Adam asked as he sent the front door a withering glare.

“Oh no, please don’t,” I begged them. “Hopefully, they’ll get the hint that they are not invited soon enough.”

“Presuming that they even got any brains left in them!” Frank grumbled as he followed me back out into the backyard.

“Mama Wen Wen! Mama Wen Wen!” little girl screeched as she barreled into my legs, wrapping her arms tightly around my knees. “Time for cakesies?”

I took my cell phone out from my back pocket to glance at the time.

3:49 PM

“Heyn James? Aaron?” I called out- James had been playing a rather rambunctious game of duck-duck-goose with the kids and his husband had been sitting with an ice bag to his knee, which he pulled a few weeks ago while down at the batting range getting ready for the 2027 baseball season. “Little girl wants to know if it’s time for cake yet?”

“It’s fine by- YEEPS!” James yelped as an ambush of babies swarmed him, knocking him down into the grass before jumped on his fallen body with gleeful cackles.

“What James said!” Aaron laughed, summoning everyone to the army of frosted cupcakes that covered the concussion table.

“Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday to you!”

“Yay yay!” cheered Baby Tommy, bouncing up and down on the balls of his feet with Baby Noah copying him. “Yay yay!”

“Let’s make a wish!” I urged little girl, the both of us blowing out our assigned cupcuakes- mine was had pretty turquoise frosting and was wrapped in a royal blue wrapper while little girl had cupcakes that were frosted with purple and were bundled in green wrappers. I had baked enough for everyone to have multiples, knowing that Peter would probably devour at least sixteen.

“Mama Wen Wen?” I turned me face to smile at my daughter, a shocked yell fluttering out past my lips as she smashed a cupcake onto my face.

“Little girl!”

Giggle giggle giggle giggle

TAGLISTS ARE OPEN/ ASK BOX IS OPEN/ REQUESTS ARE OPEN/ PLOT BUNNIES ARE WELCOMED

If you liked this, then please consider buying me a coffee HERE It only costs $3!!!

PETER STEELE TAGLIST

@rock-a-noodle

@ch3rry-c01a

[krozsui]

Hope you and your cousin kill yourselves and fucking get harassed <33 I hope your parents beat you with a belt and stick, you have no rights to attack any of my friends. Alucard redrew a FUCKING ALREADY EXISTING MEME. Everyone has redrew it before but you choose to attack them?? Smart idea. Second, why the hell did you attack MY BEST FRIEND?? All he did was make a call out post Jesus fucking christ you and your cousin are insane, I hope your guy's head gets smashed into two pieces you little gooning faggy fagger faggot XDDDD - 💞 S

god pls call me a faggot again. also i (the cousin) was the one to call him a fucking faggot retard because he is :// hes some retarded fuckingntranny and god i hate faggots like him he should hang himself already if hes gonna bitch ://// and dude he did it in the weirdest way possible like just fucking look at it the UTERUS SHOT??? THE STOMACH HANGING OUT AND THE BUMPS????? like just admit he goons to pregnancy 🙏 also i did it because ur best friend is a retard :/// hes another dumb fucking faggot retard in the sea of retards. like holy fucking shit “all hail plankton” ahh callout 😭😭🙏 cesar isnt a fucking terrorist ur treating them like one just because they called u a faggot and its true! u are! Thank you for coming to my tedtslkBah

[taxfraudhousewife]

how far do i go back before i can stop feeling guilty

i know it wasn’t me just my blood

closest i’ll ever get to sweet white guilt

guilt any european might hold so it shouldn’t matter

from sand made soil by way of blood and salt

from soil never mine but i still long like it is

i don’t care — not me

from soil steeped in seasonal flood

from red the poppies grow

i don’t care — not me

if they came for the jews and the slavs and the gays and the muslims

fuck am i supposed to do with that

if they came for the healers and artists

then i have no choice right

i don’t care — not me

if it’s everyone but me might as well shower with them

i got lucky

the right mix of jew and slav and gay and muslim can be nothing at all

the right mix gets to be niece and cousin of everyone else dragged away

why now and not two years ago

is that what happens when you see one palestinian kids brain fall out her fuckin head

maybe it’s actually the worst thing i’ve seen

is that good or bad

every weird fuckin execution makes me think of you

is that what your last waking seconds were

cold and hungry and probably better off dead

i didnt get the humiliation part of genocide until now

it makes me think of you were your last few years spent ashamed

was it cause of how you turned out

do you blame them like i do

you blame them by the masses i know

but by the man do you blame them

had you not been ethnically cleansed would you personally still turn out like that

i hate them hard like it would bring you back

i know you’d hate it but the thought of you fills me with hate for them

you don’t get it cause it’s you but you looked like shit i’m being deadass

you were so skinny and green and it was so fucked up and i just wanted to cry the whole time

you don’t get it i know you don’t care but that was fucked and i still dont understand

i can’t understand and it just fills me with hate for them

all i know or think i do is

they did that shit to you

i wish i knew you before you lost your fuckin marbles

before they stole your fuckin marbles

i know it’s still you just missing several marbles

but it makes me really fuckin sad cause you’re nice

i hated people harassing me to eat i thought you were sabotaging me

i hated the body shaming i thought everyone was lying to sabotage me

maybe it was cause yours sounded less like an accusation

you of all pieces of shit made me eat and i couldn’t make you eat

i know it’s different i know it’s just convergent evolution

still i can’t stomach it

the thing in my head is always

I COULDVE TAKEN CARE OF YOU

then i could’ve been your right hand

isn’t that fuckin dumb as fuck

bold ass assumption for me of all pieces of shit to make

still i could’ve i would’ve

easy for me to say now

is that how lenins and hitlers are born

whatever it is you got me i’ll die for your cause except i won’t cause i’m scared to

sometimes i feel like it wouldn’t feel right to now

never called myself uyghur but an extension of you

not the village not the elders and children just you

really you and husya were the only things holding my heart there

husya is not okay i repeat the husya is not okay

i hoped you might save him as dumbfuck as that sounds

i thought he’s a terrorist and you’re a terrorist so obviously you’re like friends with his boss

hoped too hard you might be friends with his boss

didn’t think to know you’re not iran backed

he used to be normal i did his online russian course in grade nine

in grade ten i saw him for two days and we drank hennessy on the bus

he didn’t talk about it

not a god fuckin damn idea where he is now

like we don’t even know what fuckin country he’s in

would you happen to know

can you see him from all the way up there

is he blowing up malls is he freeing slaves

does he eat well is it hard to get weed wherever he is

you men and your abandoning

if you’re not in cold storage and you care to divinely intervene

and if you feel bad for my grieving you if you might make it up to me

can you watch over him o holy muslim jesus

make him gtfo while he can

[tree-whisper]

“Like negotiating with terrorists,” former producer Alex Pfeiffer said in a text, “but especially dumb ones. Cousin fucking types, not saudi [sic] royalty.”

Ya know.. Tucker and the WHOLE Faux propaganda network are the absolutely worst kind of people. They KNOW they are spreading toxic lies and make million$, billion$ off of those lies.. AND they know their gullible audience will eat it up.

[old-memoria]

Russians deserve this tbh. Don’t invade your neighbors but you never learn.Now this is what you get when you mess with the whole planet. 😊 if you tolerate Putin’s regime you’re a terrorist. You chose him you pay the price 😘 we don’t need you in America, Canada, Britain anywhere. Don’t make us die in a nuclear war because of you. Americans stand for peace. We stand for Ukraine 💙💛

Ok so this is a lengthy reply, if you’re not interested in the issue, ingnore this right away. I’ve been getting a lot of shit lately:

From now on I’m not going to reply to degenerates like these anons. Ig they were infuriated by this post. Still I have something to say (just in case you have at least a tiny amount of gray matter to process information)

I’ve never called Americans dumb or ignorant. I never define the nation by the actions/ words of some braindead cunts. What im saying does not apply no normal American people (aka the majority) who have respect and compassion for the tragedy which is happening overseas. I don’t give a flying fuck if I sound rude and if your feelings are hurt, but I’m REALLY absolutely done with your pathetic whining on Twitter/ tik tok etc about how you are going to die in a stupid war, how you’re going to be nuked, how Russia will invade the US or vice versa. SHUT UP. Repeat after me: it’s not about the US. Biden and NATO officials have already said they are not going to interfere with the Russian invasion. Americans won’t be drafted, neither ordinary people, nor the us army. Take a deep breath and chill. If you don’t know much about the origins of this conflict and what’s going on atm (tbh nobody knows for sure), don’t spread misinformation. If you genuinely want to help, donate to Ukrainian charity or your local Ukrainian diaspora instead of sending ‘thought and prayers ✨’. Also, I don’t think you care that much about Ukrain if you call it a ‘remote shithole’... be honest with yourself. You don’t care. Just fucking don’t. You are worried about your ass being drafted so you won’t be able to drink ice latte and watch Netflix any more. That’s it

I know it’s rather pointless even to try to explain anything, but I won’t give up. I hope, despite your privilege, you still have a glimpse empathy left. So what do we have for now?

Ukraine: Ukrainian cities (Kyiv, Kharkiv, Donetsk, Odessa etc. fucking google it) are being BOMBED every day. People have to hide in the basements or in subway, because these are the only safe places. My uncle has been living in the basement for 5 days. He can’t escape to his home city (Lviv), because the roads are blocked and shelled. Violence and shootings are almost everywhere in those cities (and it’s not going to be over any soon). PEOPLE ARE DYING. Fyi Kyiv is the capital and the larger city with approximately 3 million people living there. And it’s being bombed every day. There were air raid alerts in the other, relatively safe places. Leaving your house to buy food is life fucking threatening, can you imagine that? Men of your (and my) age are being drafted and their mothers may never see them again. My 2 cousins (25 and 27) were already drafted. My cousin’s college mate was killed in Kharkiv because his house was accidentally hit by the missle strike. And sadly, very sadly, it doesn’t seem to end soon. No one will win this war

Russia: guess fucking what... we are affected by this war too. Morally, financially and physically. A lot of Russians, including myself, have relatives and friends in Ukraine (every third, I’d say). This war is very personal and painful to us. I don’t know a single fucking person who supports it. I remember Thursday, when the war was declared early in the morning... everyone was shell shocked. People still are angry, disappointed and frustrated. We are pissed our money is being wasted on murdering innocent civillians and invading other countries. Don’t be too naive, protests won’t change anything, the authorities don’t give a fuck about a bunch of people with no leader and power. Only the oligarchs and elites can overthrow the current government. Please, go tell somebody else how WE elected OUR president.. I’m not even going to comment on it, reddit experts from some fucking Idaho know better yeah. As for the sanctions.. they mean slow death. Middle class will very soon become poor. Economy is already in ruins, and it’s going to be worse and worse. Prices in grocery stores are already incredibly high, I couldn’t believe my eyes today, everything, even essential products, is 20% more expensive now. The government has no means to support economy and they have already said they are not going to provide financial help or tax credits for small business (literally fuck you). People will fucking starve soon. Also, a lot of western companies have withdrawn from the Russian market. For example, my friend’s sister works in a pharmacy and she says there won’t be any foreign medical products, including basic and life-saving medicines, from now on. She’s not the only one who says it. People will literally have to survive, because the collapse of economy and it will affect everyone. There is no way we can escape from this wasteland of a country, since now we are isolated from the outer world. I wish I could migrate to Canada or Australia, but they don’t even issue visas at this point. Tbh moving away might be even dangerous now because of overwhelming Russophobia. 2 days ago my friend was assaulted in London for talking on her phone in Russian, kids with russian last names are being bullied in Latvian schools, some Russian cuisine restaurants were looted in the US. I don’t know is it better to be unemployed broke and starving in my own country or become a subhuman in a pRoGrEssIvE western society (and I’m not even an ethic Russian)? If you think that the ordinary Russian people deserve this and should pay for the government’s decisions, may I spit at your face for Afghanistan/ Iraq and Yugoslavia? Or is it suddenly a different matter?

So please, quit your moronic ww3 hysteria. Don’t be a scumbag, stop hyping on grief and death of other humans. I can’t believe this must be said in the 21st century

P. S. The mere fact that I’m writing this and expressing my anti-war rage is dangerous for me, because freedom of speech does not exist and according to the government’s narrative if you do not support this bloodshed you’re a traitor

[tehjleck]

Attn MAGAts... here's the article that states it plainly. The people spoon feeding you "the big lie" think so very little of you.

“Like negotiating with terrorists,” former producer Alex Pfeiffer said in a text, “but especially dumb ones. Cousin fucking types, not saudi [sic] royalty.”

[phoenixyfriend]

AU where Deidara becomes inexplicably fond of 'Tobi' to the point of just going 'fuck it' and following Obito into crazytown and, if Obito survives The Kaguya Nonsense, he now has a bitchy art school grad student following him around like "you fucked with my head for a year after making people pressgang me into a terrorist cell, now it's my turn to fuck with you." This is partly because this one post lives in my head rent-free.

(Brainstormed on discord with help from @britishassistant​. Please note that while I do usually headcanon Dei as nonbinary, this brainstorm kept to he/him pronouns and referring to him as a boy.)

Confession that this arose because I keep imagining 'person travels back to the Founders Era and wreaks havoc via Confusions, using different characters capable of 'why the FUCK' reactions every time, pinged on T7+Obito but Obito had to bring Deidara and everyone Regrets, because... boom.

Nobody wants Deidara involved, except Deidara. People especially do not want Deidara and Sai in the same room, because between Deidara's hands and Sai's 'commentary,' someone's going to get murdered. -- (Deidara is of the opinion that he should be involved in everything where there is the potential for blowing something or someone up. Deidara was sort of invited, in that Obito refuses to leave him unsupervised, but nobody really wants him, like, doing things.)

Team Seven is trying to help push a peace treaty through for the Senju and Uchiha. Keeping an eye out for Zetsu, Obito's talking Madara around as the person who actually knows him best, Naruto is Vibing with Hashirama on a level nobody hoped they'd reach, Sakura's smoothing ruffled feathers by healing the dying, Yamato is demonstrating Mokuton as evidence of something, and Kakashi has his hand over Sai's mouth so they don't cause an international incident. Sasuke isn't helping, just kind of in a stare-off with Izuna.

And then Obito says, "Wait, shit. We're missing a blonde." "Where's your idiot, Obito?" "He's not my idiot, Bakashi, he just--" BOOM "Ah, shit." [cue maniacal laughter in the middle distance]

"This is why I told you to keep an eye on him while I talked to Madara!" "I told Sasuke to do it!” "Why do you expect Sasuke to do anything you tell him to do?"

Part of what I was going for was: 1. Deidara and Obito have a preexisting relationship that angles heavily towards mutual antagonism due to the whole Tobi thing. 2. Deidara is both completely unhinged and capable of mass destruction, which means he's perfectly set to Cause Problems. And of course 3. This means a role reversal where Obito finds the shoe on the other foot because now he’s the one trying to rein in Deidara.

Obito is 100% done with Deidara, but this asshole is kind of his responsibility? Like? What's he gonna do, hand the kid over to Onoki? Nah, bruh, his douchebag teenage sidekick deserves better than Iwa. -- (Deidara does not, in fact, deserve better than Iwa.) -- It’s like Deidara is his kid or something, like he knows he’s hellspawn but he’s Obito’s hellspawn.

Madara: You came to convince us of peace, yet you bring-- Obito: No, shut up, it's better than leaving him to his own devices, at least this way I can stop him. Hashirama: How do we convince the Daimyou this is a good idea? Madara: We need to make him think there's a bigger threat, maybe? One that he can't fight without united shinobi clans to hire, rather than pitting us against one another to maintain his economic dominance. Hashirama: But there aren't any bi-- Deidara: I VOLUNTEER

Obito: So what are we going to do? Deidara: Blow up buildings belonging to the rich and powerful. Obito: And what are we not going to do? Deidara: ...blow up the innocent? Like kids? And poor people? Obito: Okay, yes. That's pretty much it. Deidara: Wait, can I blow up a monastery? Obito: Do you want the Shinigami to come after our heads?! No!!! Deidara: What if it's a Jashinist temple? Obito: We have seen evidence that one exists, do you really want to risk it?

Hashirama, full of 😀 : I brought dango! Deidara, to Obito: Are you going to eat it with your eye again. Madara, Izuna, all the Uchiha: [turn to stare] Obito: Literally why do I put up with you.

(Deidara is that one kid who Delights in telling everyone about the weird and dumb shit Obito pulled as Tobi.)

Deidara: Hey, dipshit, you wanna-- Obito:

Also, Kakashi has his four brats so Obito gets to keep Deidara. It’s only fair. -- Kakashi at least has Tenzo to coparent, and some of his kids are well-behaved... ish. They try, at least. Obito's just got a Hell Child who actively delights in causing mischief and mayhem. -- The most Naruto's going to do is dye your hair in your sleep. Sai makes dick jokes and Sakura punches things, but overall, they're not bad kids! Sasuke is. Sasuke. But that's okay, that's why there's a solid five people in that team to handle his bullshit.

Whereas Obito is stuck. With an art school grad student. -- Deidara is contextually the epitome of "I think I will cause problems on purpose." -- (Deidara... is what Tenzo would call “a bad influence.”)

Btw? Keep Sai and Deidara away from each other. Kakashi learns that the hard way. -- "Captain, the art kids are fightingggggg!"

Kakashi: Obito get a handle on your disaster Obito: DON’T YOU TALK ABOUT MY BOY THAT WAY

Jumping back a tiny bit though, Obito regularly asks Yamato to use his Mokuton to seal up Deidara's chakra for a bit. (Is this how it works in canon? Probably not, I think it's just bijuu chakra, but I also Do Not Care.)

But honestly, when it comes to Team Seven, Deidara is that one older cousin at family reunions that teaches you how to hotwire a car. -- Deidara is okay with Naruto and Sakura, ish. -- He antagonizes Sai in a way that ends in tears. -- He. Has to be kept away from Sasuke. For a variety of reasons, most of which have to do with Eyes and Explosions and Itachi.

Sasuke barely remembers who Deidara is, he’s just grumpy he couldn’t bring anyone from Taka with him.

Meanwhile Taka is just. They’re assholes? Taka bitches enough to hunt him down. They excuse it with "Juugo needs you" -- "I'm in a different dimension, eighty years in the past, how did you..." -- "Science ninja. Best sensor on the continent." -- "Also we asked Orochimaru for help." -- "Yeah, we asked Orochimaru for help."

Taka being there signals a marked improvement in Sasuke’s demeanor and cooperation, and Kakashi just resigns himself to having four more kids. -- Juugo is a godsend when he's not being set off into a homicidal rage. And he apologizes! Meanwhile, Karin and Suigetsu are The Worst.

T7+Obito and Deidara have been in the past and bullying the clans into a peace for like a week and then they just hear MASSIVE ROARING a mile away and Sasuke's like "Oh, hey, it's my idiots." -- Sasuke’s grinning for the first time in weeks. (It’s tiny and barely perceptible but it’s there.) -- I don't know that Taka could actually help at all, but they sure can cause more problems. Unlike Deidara, most of them are not intentional.

Suigetsu: Hey, Sasuke, so I know that Deidara guy tried to kill you... Sasuke: He did? Suigetsu: --but would you be mad if I tried to hook up with him? Sasuke: I don't care, knock yourself out.

(Suigetsu is the kind of man that wears tearaway pants just to reveal rainbow leggings that say "I'M GAY" on them. If Suigetsu and Sasuke didn't have at least one 'no homo' make-out session... well, I wouldn't put money on it either way, but I do think it's a valid reading of the text.)

------------------

Deidara: What's it like when Obito actually decides to be serious? Kakashi: Uhhhhhhhhhhhh Obito, previously:

Kakashi: Trauma. It's trauma.

[erikavixin2006]

Where Lila knows not to mess with the cat's princess.

A seemingly innocent smile appeared on Lila's lips as the girl walked down the streets to her "supposed" self-proclaimed kingdom, her mind swirled with thoughts and plans of taking down a certain half-Asian. Ever since the pig-tailed girl responded confidently to her threat, she began to find certain ways to tarnish the goody-two-shoes reputation. Marinette didn't seem to call her out of her lies anymore, frequently avoiding her. Whenever she got closer to the bluenette, said girl would either walk away, or stand there quietly while she babbled on her lies towards her clueless friends.

Even the mention of the students of Francoise Dupont made her lips twitch into a smirk. How clueless and mindless they are, believing whatever they want to hear, if she cared she would've felt sorry for Marinette, but she didn't. When framing her for theft and bully, most of her friends felt betrayed and hurt, angry even. She would've succeeded in getting rid of a love-rival if it weren't for a certain Agreste.

Adrien Agreste is a famous model, kind and handsome, qualities every woman wants in a man, and also, loved by almost half the population of teenage girls in Paris. Lila knew there were 3 girls after him apart from herself. Chloe Bourgeois, the mayor's daughter, which Lila considered not much of a threat since the girl seemed to show little romantic interest in him, confirming both of them to be just best friends. Next is Kagami Tsurugi, a big threat, the Japanese girl is beautiful and confident, and her mother is good friends with his father, Adrien had dated the girl for a while, only for both of them to break it up, thinking it's best if they stay friends, even so, Kagami had proved to still be very protective of Adrien, disliking Lila once taking a good look at her. Finally, Marinette Dupain-Cheng, the biggest threat, the girl is hopelessly in love with Adrien, always stuttering and stumbling around him, though after a while, she stopped, her confidence increasing rapidly, a trait Lila soon found to be annoying, the half-Asian was supposed to be out of Lila's way when she started going out with Luka, but for some reason the two decided to stay friends, making Marinette a nuisance in Lila's eyes. Lila isn't blind, she could see the obvious love and adoration in Adrien's eyes whenever the bluenette is in his line of sight. The blond was obviously in love with her, and that made Lila's blood boil in anger, she tried to bad-mouthed her in front of Gabriel, but the middle-aged man shrugged it off, already meeting Marinette a few times, deeming her a worthy friend of Adrien once seeing her devotion towards Adrien and her exceptional talent in fashion. And that is when Lila knew she couldn't simply manipulate the man that easily, giving up on that idea, continuing to get on Agreste's Senior's good side, spying on Adrien.

Speaking of the blond boy, her lips turned into a lovesick grin when thinking of him. He is everything she ever dreamed of, rich, handsome, and kind. His name will bring her fame and fortune from all over the world. Just the thought of her hanging off the clueless man's arms while attending worldwide events made her feel giddy. Now that she is on his father's good side, it's only a matter of time before Adrien comes crawling to her feet, worshiping her just like the others. Though she admit the boy isn't as dumb as he seems, already knowing the girl's exceptional talent in lying, as the good-for-nothing superhero called her out in front of him. She hated the spotted hero, finding her a threat to her well-formed lies. But, the hero isn't in her way this time, her plan was to take down Dupain-Cheng, though the girl's friends still think of Marinette as the sweet, kind girl they loved, Lila is going to make sure they think her of the opposite by the end of the day, after all, no one can resist what they want to hear, she will be getting her fame soon. Plastering on a sweet smile, the girl walked into the school, fully unaware of what lies ahead of her.

__________

Adrien Agreste had a feeling that something will happen today, and his suspicions lie on the sausage-haired girl that just walked in the class, her face planted with an all to sweet smile that disgusts him. His first reaction was to look behind, as if fearing something had happened to the girl that he called "Everyday Ladybug" , she's not here, late as usual, sighing in relief, he turned back to the front, lips stretching into a thin smile as Lila practically latched onto his arm after waving to the classmates, her nails digging into his flesh a little too deep, the man quickly shrug her off, uncomfortable. Lila looked a bit disappointed, but quickly put up her act.

'Oh Adrien, I was just wondering if you would help me with yesterday's Physics homework, you know my cousin is a great Engineer in Japan, she promised to teach me all about her research but due to me having short-term memory loss I couldn't remember a lot of the equations,' she spoke in a sickeningly sweet voice. Adrien wanted confront her again, but it's been weeks since he did, and she never listened, he soon gave up, only ignoring her brags and answering her questions half-heartedly. 'I'm sorry Lila, but maybe you could ask Max about it, I'm having some troubles on Physics myself too,' Adrien just spoke a lie, though not a bad one, he was just trying to dismiss Lila, as he wasn't really in the mood this morning. Lila definitely got the message, replacing her frown with a smile, gushing on how polite he is and moving towards her seat at the back.

Adrien's annoyed frown softened once he saw the pig-tailed girl stumbling into the class, dropping her stuff in the process. The girl quickly stood up and ran towards her seat, greeting her classmates on the way. Adrien saw the twitch of Lila's left eye as all of the classmates greeted the girl, smiling all the way. The certain rustle in his over-shirt pocket reminded Adrien to keep an eye on the liar. Plagg, due to certain reasons, had been a little attached to the baker girl, unbeknownst to Adrien that the angel sitting behind him is the love of his life as well as the guardian of the Miraculous Box, but Plagg knew, and he had a certain soft spot for the Ladybug Miraculous holder, if he could he would've cataclysm the terrorist they call Lila already. He kept calm though, the god of destruction knew that a certain goddess of creation would give him a scolding if he did anything to disrupt their holders lives'.

__________

The day had gone well, but once lunch arrives, Adrien knew Lila will strike. He saw Lila planting Chloe's expensive necklace into Marinette's bag. The mayor's daughter is known for her unforgiving behavior, if she found her necklace in Marinette's bag, she will accuse without explanation. His blood boiled as he hid behind the door, he had given Lila many chances, his mother taught him to always be forgiving, and he had done just that, only for his princess to be hurt time and time again, now, he's had it, fuck the high road, he's not Gabriel's Agreste's son for nothing. He watched as Lila smirked in triumph, flipping her brown hair and sashaying away.

Adrien waited until the coast is clear, before quietly walking in the classroom, now wondering why doesn't the school provide any security cameras in the classrooms at all. Plagg merely peeked out from his over-shirt pocket, 'Defending your precious girlfriend aren't you? and you still call her a friend,' he muttered the last part. Months of being Chat Noir had strengthen his senses, hearing Plagg spoke the last part brought a small blush to his cheeks, he didn't deny, only muttering a small, ' I still love Ladybug,' . Plagg merely rolled his eyes, 'Yeah yeah loverboy just go help your princess,' before tucking himself back into his over-shirt.

Gabriel taught his son a little, but he still remembered one of the lectures he gotten, is that to never show mercy to someone who is a threat to you. And Marinette is his sunshine, picturing her unhappy broke his heart, he will not let that happen, ever. Lila needs to learn her lesson, and he will make sure she does.

With a flick of his wrist, the expensive jewelry was fished out of the girl's bag, and without a flicker of remorse in his eyes, Adrien swiftly dropped the necklace into Lila's bag behind. Standing up, he glanced around, making sure no one saw it. Plastering a model smile, he walked out of the classroom, muttering a few words for Plagg to keep his cackling down.

_________

'Hey my dude, where have you been?' Nino questioned, his arm draped around his girlfriend's shoulder. They were in the cafeteria, with Marinette, the girl smiled brightly at the model. Adrien's eyes softened at the sight, as he took a seat beside Nino, replying, 'Oh I was caught up in the class, apparently I mixed up my Physics and Chemistry notes together,' . He glanced to the center, where Lila is surrounded by many students, as she spoke about her "latest" story, one about how she and Ladybug had been hanging out together. Alya would've gone to her side, but when that one time Lila purposely let slip that she knew Rena Rouge and Carapace personally, the reporter then knew that Lila Rossi is a liar. Alya then apologized to Marinette. The four best friends chatted through the lunch hour, and a side Adrien never knew he had is excited for class to be in session again.

__________

Adrien knew Chloe will find out eventually, as her shrieks disrupted everyone in the class. Ms, Bustier isn't in yet, and that gives plenty of time for the drama to be unfold. 'My necklace is gone!' the blond screeched. Sabrina beside her was frantic, searching around the floor for it, and even going as far as going through other's desks to find it. Everyone was silent as she screamed, searching through her purse for it. As predicted by Adrien, Lila spoke up in a timid voice, 'Uhm Chloe? Maybe you could tell us what it looks like so we could help you look for it,' she smiled.

Adrien silently chuckled went Marinette grumbled under her breath cutely. Chloe huffed, ignoring Lila, Sabrina spoke up, 'It's this beautiful Bee pendant, it has the shape of a bee, it's really shiny so I think finding it wouldn't be much of a problem, if you guys could help search for it, it would be great, please?' she clapped both hands together. The class, shrugged and merely started to look around, ignoring Chloe's useless protests of accusations towards everyone in the class.

Adrien's eyes flickered towards Lila, the girl pretended to look around, only for her to put up a fake act. her eyes pretended to lit up, as she spoke up in a small voice, 'I remember seeing that necklace Chloe,'. Chloe placed her hands on her hips, 'Well? Where is it?!' . Lila then pretended to be confused, 'Though I'm not sure why Marinette was holding it earlier,' she then clasped her hands to her mouth in surprised, pretending to have said the wrong thing. The classmates had gasped in horror, and Chloe had screamed towards Marinette, demanding for her to empty her bag. Adrien had to hold in the pain as he watched Marinette's eyes flashed hurt ,confusion and anger. Sabrina walked over to Marinette, muttering a soft apology before opening her bag, dumping the contents out.

The class watched, most of them not believing that their kind Marinette would do such a thing. The search went on for a few moments, as Sabrina shook her head towards Chloe. The blonde girl huffed, 'I knew it, Dupain-Cheng wouldn't have the guts to pull of something like that, so Sabrina, check that girl's bag, or whatever her name is, judging at her tacky clothing she definitely seems like someone who would want to get her peasant hands on my priceless necklace,' she accused, and Adrien had to hide his smile of satisfaction as he watched Lila turned pale, quickly finding up excuses, 'You're accusing me? I...I just want to help Chloe,' she said, her voice trembled a little.

Everyone was either too shocked or too perplexed to step in. Lila is loss at words now, she was sure she slipped the necklace into the bluenette's bag, but Marinette seem surprised too, Lila didn't have time to suspect anyone, as she could feel cold sweat dripping down the back of her neck. Sabrina is walking towards her, and began to reach for her bag. Everyone except the four friends gasped in surprise, as Sabrina pulled out a necklace, to be specific, Chloe's necklace, from the side pocket of Lila's bag. Chloe scowled at Lila, as she snapped her fingers for Sabrina to come forward with her necklace. Most of the students were hurt, while some were even glaring at her. Lila thought fast, she had no time to be panicking now, 'I.. I didn't know how it ended up in my bag, someone must have framed me, please guys you have to believe me,' she sobbed, another act that Adrien and Marinette saw through.

Sweet Rose spoke up, 'Let's give Lila another chance guys? The necklace probably dropped into her bag, and maybe Lila saw wrongly of Marinette, maybe they were both framed?' she spoke softly, and Lila had to sigh through her hands, sweet gullible Rose, so clueless. The rest didn't have a chance to speak up as Ms. Bustier walked in the class, telling everyone to settle down and opening her book to start the lesson. Adrien was satisfied, but he knew Lila wouldn't go down after that, so he decided to keep an eye on her for now. Seeing his princess smile in relief, he knew it was worth it.

Lila simply didn't know what went wrong, she was really sure no one had saw her do it, or did she merely forgot it all? A million questions swirled through her mind. Most of the students still shot her suspicious glances. The girl had no time to ponder on the miscalculations she made, she had to gain back their trust, and she knew just what to do the next day.

__________

'Tikki, what do you think happened today?' Marinette had her chin propped up with one hand, the other holding onto a pen, as she wrote halfway in her diary. Tikki giggled quietly, knowing full well what happened. The Miraculous of the ladybug and the black cat represented yin and yang, meaning that they're one. Both of the Miraculous complete the other. Creation may seem powerful and incredible, when really it's vulnerable in many ways, that's why Destruction is there, to make sure nothing happens to Creation. With Creation comes Destruction, it's been like that ever since the beginning.'I'm not sure Marinette, but I do know Lila finally deserved what she got,', Marinette nodded her head, as kind as she may be, she is thrilled to see the shock look on Lila's face. Tikki float towards Marinette front, 'But you really should be more careful Marinette, Lila may have slipped up today, but we'll never know when she will frame you again,' she warned. Marinette giggled, 'Alright Tikki, I'll be more careful,' she kissed the top of the kwami's head.

__________

Lila was sure, today she will ruin Marinette once and for all, she spent all of last night devising a new plan, but first, she had to earn back the trust of the class. She went for Mylene first, knowing full well that she is just as vulnerable as Rose. Stepping up to her in the locker room, she spoke in her best "sweet" voice, 'Mylene, I just want to say, I really didn't know how Chloe's necklace got into my bag, and I'm really sorry if I broke your trust, I really didn't know what happened,' she pleaded. Mylene, being the sweet girl she is, smiled, 'Of course Lila, we were pretty shocked yesterday, and might have judged you too quickly, I want to apologize too,' she smiled, which Lila inwardly sneered at. She flashed her a sweet smile, grabbing both of her hands, she questioned in an innocent tone, 'So are we still friends?'.

Mylene softly grabbed onto her hands, 'Of course Lila, we're friends,' . Lila scoffed, Who does she think she is? Grabbing my hands like that, these peasants aren't worth near my delicate ones. She hid her disgust as she embraced the shorter girl. Meanwhile, Marinette and Alya were at the half-Chinese's locker, Alya scoffed, covering her mouth with her tablet to speak to Marinette, 'Can you believer her? I can't believe I used to worship her, poor Mylene,' . Marinette rolled her eyes at Lila, she was glad somebody was on her side. 'They'll find out she's lying one day Alya,' the bluenette assured. Alya looked at Marinette and embraced her, 'Girl, I'm so sorry I didn't believe you before, now I know how you feel,' . Marinette smiled sweetly, the opposite of Lila's own smile.

'Hey! How my favourite dudettes hangin?' Nino waved towards them, as the two girls exited the locker room, heading to class. The upcoming DJ slung an arm around Alya, Adrien tailing behind, waving at them softly. Marinette waved back at the two. As the four were about to head up, Marinette halted, 'I left my bag in the locker room again!' she sulked. Alya chuckled, 'You're too cute Mari, go get it, we'll wait for you here,', Marinette nodded and ran, almost tripping over her own feet. Adrien had to ignore the flutter in his heard upon seeing their "Everyday Ladybug" so vulnerable and adorable.

Alya turned towards Adrien, Nino's arm still slung around her, 'So, Sunshine boy, what happened yesterday?' she questioned, Nino looking at the both of them questioningly. Adrien cocked a teasing brow, his Chat Noir side showing a little, 'Whatever do you mean, Alya?' he smiled. Alya jabbed a finger to his chest, 'Don't play dumb with me, Golden Boy, I saw your expression when Lila got exposed, that was your doing wasn't it?' she demanded. Poor Nino didn't understand what's going on, but soon caught up when he recalled yesterday's event, 'Dude? That was you? How?'. Adrien sighed, 'I couldn't let Lila bully Marinette, and I think it's time she learned her lesson, I'm done playing the high road, I won't let anything happen to Marinette,' he spoke in a low voice, not wanting to gain the attention of the students around them. With that he caught up towards Marinette, who is making her way towards them, both of them engaging in a conversation seconds later.

Nino and Alya looked at Adrien shocked, as the two walked up the stairs. The turtle hero and the fox hero following soon after. Nino could then make out a string of words that his girlfriend muttered, 'Just a friend my butt,'.

__________

It's Art class for their first period, and their work is painting. Lila is finding it hard to get to Marinette, Alya and Nino were always with her, and so is Adrien, she fumed as she eyed Adrien leaning towards Marinette to compliment her art, the girl flashing him a grateful smile, a pink hue dusted her cheeks. Adrien is supposed to be fawning over her! Not that good for nothing baker girl! Lila was blinded by anger and jealousy, and the plan she so carefully devised last night was dumped to the side of her brain. The spotted hero in civilian form now began to stand up, and walked out the class to wash her cup filled with dirtied paint water. The moment she passed by Lila, the olive-eyed girl forgot all about staying calm and composed, sticking her foot out, to which Marinette is unaware of (focused on the part where she might accidentally spill the water) and tripped her. Marinette fell, her cup knocked out of her hands, and drenched her body from head to chest.

Students turned their focus from their painting to the fallen girl on the floor, soaking wet at this point. Most of them came to aid her, while some of them chuckled and turned back towards their work, dismissing this as another one of Marinette's clumsiness. Adrien was not convinced, he saw Lila's foot stuck out when his princess tripped. Meanwhile Marinette sneezed from the cold air hitting her drenched body, her hands flew to wrap around herself, shivering. Alya rushed to aid her best friend, but Adrien beat her to it, taking off his white over-shirt and wrapping it around the girl, supporting the girl as he excused both of them to get Marinette cleaned up, despite the pig-tailed girl's flustered state.

Before they left, Adrien shot Lila a look, his usual kind green eyes turned acid-green as he glared at her, a warning glare. Lila flinched a little, but quickly masked it, as she gushed on how clumsy Marinette is, inside she is burning with rage towards the blue-haired girl, What does Adrien see in her?!  She cursed at herself for letting rage blind her. The class isn't much help either, instead they're adding fuel to Lila's fire, gushing on the "Adrienette" moment that just happened. They were all supposed to be shipping her and Adrien! They would make a much better pair than Adrienette!

_________

'I could've sworn I tripped over something,' Marinette spoke from the inside of the girls bathroom, while Adrien stood outside, waiting for her. He had handed her his spare black shirt in his locker, his white over-shirt now fitted to his body once again. The man sighed, 'I saw Lila trip you, are you hurt anywhere?' he spoke with concern. 'I'm fine Adrien, thanks for caring, I have to be careful from where I'm walking now,' she giggled. The door opened as Marinette stepped out, in one of Adrien's shirt, her black jacket sealed in a bag. Marinette rinsed her dirtied hair with clean water to wash the paint off, letting her hair down for ti to dry quicker. Despite sounding normal, the girl is still in a rather flustered state, 'Are you sure about your shirt? I don't think your father would do well with his son's shirt on some random girl,' she tugged on the hem of the large shirt nervously. Despite Adrien's lanky frame, he is still a lot taller and broader than Marinette, and the half-Asian is a petite girl. Adrien fought back the blush, covering his face with his hands, the girl looked so adorable and small he had the urge to just embrace her and never let go. 'It's fine Marinette, besides, my father wouldn't mind, if I explain the situation to him I'm sure he'll understand,' he straightened up. Marinette stammered, flushing red, 'I....B..but I didn't want you to get in trouble because of me! I...I promised to give it back tomorrow!' she squeaked the last part.

The blonde swallowed dryly, muttering something that went unheard by Marinette, 'She's going to be the death of me one day,', staring down at the fidgety girl, he placed a hand on her shoulder, smiling, 'It's okay Marinette, really, keep the shirt, I have more at home, you need it more than I do, now come on, let's get back to class,', he grabbed her hand and led her out, ignoring the slight rustle of movement in his shirt pocket. Marinette is a blushing mess right about now, just when she thought she is moving on, she managed to fall in love with him again, and it's more complicated now as she was just starting to feel butterflies around her kitty too. Tikki peeked out from her holder's purse, giggling quietly at her owner, if only she knew.

__________

Squeals were heard in the art room, which were identified as Alya's and Rose's. The entire class is welcomed by a flushed Marinette and a slightly pink Adrien. The art teacher merely smiled at them as he watched the scene. The blond made sure his pig-tailed princess was back to his seat then went back to his own, where Nino nudged him in the ribs coyly. Alya and the rest of the girls, excluding Lila, Chloe and Sabrina, the brunette is raging at this point (surprisingly there's still no akuma) at her seat, rushed to the bluenette, demanding details. 'Girl explain to us why are you in Adrien Agreste's shirt?!' Alya shook the girl hard. Rose squealed, 'Oh my gosh It's so romantic! He lent you his shirt!' she sighed dreamily, leaning against Juleka, who merely gave a nod of approval towards Marinette. Alix placed both hands behind her head, whistling, 'I do hope you both didn't do anything more~' she teased. Adrien peeked and chuckled to himself when Marinette buried her red face in her hands, and let out a muffled scream, avoiding eye contact from everyone. The black cat in civilian form had to finally admit that Marinette isn't just a friend after all, though he still has feelings for his bugaboo. Mylene gushed, 'You're so adorable Marinette, relax, Alix's just teasing you,' . Marinette tucked half of her face into the large shirt, breathing deeply into the boy's scent, all the while hiding her flushed face from the others.

Lila is fuming, her neatly detailed plan was all ruin, all because of her jealousy. Putting up her fake act, she can't afford to receive anymore of the accusing glances, and strutted off to gush at Marinette, biting her tongue in disgust.

__________

It's P.E. The teacher had decided with dodgeball, the most feared yet celebrated sport among the students. What's worse is that she announced the rules to be different. Where one boy and girl were teamed together. But, alas, exceptions were made. The rules were simple, the boys can get hit by the balls, while the girls are to throw the balls, but if the girls do get hit, then the pair is out. Lila, once again lied about her Arthritis acting up again.

The P.E. teacher was, well, you could say a romantic that loves shipping students together. She paired up, of course, the heroes of Paris, Adrien and Marinette, followed by Alya and Nino, Kim and Alix, Max and Sabrina, Mylene and Ivan, Juleka and Rose (the teacher made an exception, Juleka took up the role of the boy, protecting sweet Rose from the rage of dodgeballs.). Poor Nathaniel got paired with Chloe, much to his dismay. Lila's head snapped up, once hearing Adrien and Marinette's name together. She couldn't do anything but just watch as Adrien pulled Marinette to their spot, with Marinette beginning her self-conscious rambles on how she would be slowing Adrien down.

Marinette knew she was clumsy, as the game started, her guilt built up as Adrien shielded her from the incoming balls, with most of them knowing Marinette's high chance of slipping up and tumbling over her own feet. Adrien, with his cat-like reflexes worked perfectly to prevent the balls from hitting his princess.

Lila watched in jealousy, as Adrien grabbed the bluenette's hips, twirling her behind him, not even her anger towards Ladybug can suppress the rage for Marinette inside Lila. Soon, a few pairs were out. Poor Nathaniel had to kneel down to apologize to Chloe when failing to protect her from the incoming ball fired by Alya. Juleka and Rose were soon out, Rose squealing many apologies for not being able to throw the balls correctly, Juleka silencing her with a cheek kiss. Alix and Kim were on fire, aiming to destroy every last one of the pairs. Their latest victims were Max and Sabrina, both laughed a little at their defeat, joining the others to the benches.

Alya and Nino, and Adrien and Marinette, engaged in a little war, where they keep firing balls at each other. Alya mocked the poor clumsy girl poking behind form Adrien's shoulder. 'Come on Mari, look at poor Adrien, he looks bruised all over, are you going to just stand behind him and let him take all the hits by himself?' she high-fived Nino, who just merely chuckled as Adrien shot them an annoyed glance. Marinete grumbled, deciding to let her Ladybug confidence take over her for just this once.

Mylene and Ivan were out soon, when the shorter girl tripped over a ball, causing her to fall, the ball rolling over to Lila's foot. Once Ivan and Mylene were settled on the bench, Alix called out from the center, 'Lila! Could you throw the ball over here?! Me and Kim are going to pulverized those two!' she slammed her palm with her fist, as Kim gathered up the scattered balls. Lila smiled, an idea popping up in her twisted, evil mind. Grabbing the ball, she threw it as hard as she could, but not aiming at the sporty pair, instead, at Marinette, who is wide open for the ball to hit her. Lila made it seem like she missed her aim, as the class watched in horror, the ball merely a few seconds away from Marinette's head.

Adrien's cat senses picked up the ball coming towards Marinette. Reaching one hand to push Marinette behind him by the waist, he blocked the ball with his arm, his glare fixated on Lila. Marinette barely knew what was going on, she stared at the man before her with wide eyes. Lila gritted her teeth, harming Marinette isn't as easy as she thought it would be, as Adrien seems to have appointed himself Marinette's knight in shining armor (knight in shining black leather, to be more precise), but Lila didn't seem to learn her lesson just yet, Adrien had confirmed so himself, the evil glint in Lila's eyes showed that she is stubborn, and not the kind he sees in his lady and Marinette's eyes. Lila smiled apologetically, 'Oops! My Arthritis is acting up again! I hope you're alright Adrien and Marinette!'.

Adrien put on his model facade, 'It's all good Lila, thanks for the ball, now we have extras to defeat the remaining pairs!' he smiled. Kim and Alix scoffed from the center, 'As if!'. The three pairs went through war, Marinette beginning to feel more and more confident during their battle, laughing and throwing balls more frequently. Adrien saw as Marinette giggled, one of her balls hitting Alya's elbow, to which both of them yelled out words of frustration. The sight of her sweaty and laughing reminded him so much of his lady he couldn't help but fall deeper in her spell, he knew he was screwed once he stared into her bluebell eyes that seem to resemble Ladybug so much.

Kim's shout broke Adrien out of his trance, as he looked toward Alix, who is armed and ready to attack them, determined to remain superior in the battlefield of sports. What she didn't know, (but will soon find out when she gets her Miraculous) is that she's facing Paris's beloved badass duo.

As if their Ladybug and Chat Noir senses kicked in, Adrien blocked the ball, Marinette coming out from behind, holding one of the balls. The adrenaline flowing through her veins as she momentarily forgot about everything, focusing only on the target in front of them. Tossing up the ball, she jumped up, her form of hitting the ball reflected through Adrien's pupils. He had forgotten all about everything, admiring the beautiful sight of the girl he had called his "Everyday Ladybug". Marinette drew her right arm back, spiking the ball towards Alix, who her and Kim never expected to see it coming. The entire moments was so fast, the class was in awe. They had seldom gotten to see this side of Marinette, and they had cherished it.

The ball hit Alix's hip, which Kim failed to shield her from the shock he had just received. When Marinette dropped to the ground, Adrien had lifted her up and spun her around, both laughing in victory. The entire class, excluding Lila again, had rushed towards them, celebrating their success, thought Kim and Alix began a playful argument on who wasn't fast enough.

Lila gritted her teeth in anger, her olive eyes squinted in jealousy. The saying of "Jealousy is an ugly thing" is proven to be right. Lila had lost all sense of logic, blinded by jealousy, she wanted Marinette done.

_________

'Still a friend to you kid?' Plagg teased, holding onto his daily dose of camembert, Adrien grumbled into his pillow, muttering 'Are her eyes always this blue? Am i falling in love? What happened to Ladybug? Can you be in love with two at the same time? What's happening to me?' the question flowed out of his mouth. Plagg laughed hysterically, 'Kid, maybe you should try going for pig-tails this time, imagine, all the good bread to go with cheese!'. he gobbled down the smelly cheese. Adrien lift his head to face Plagg, 'You always think with your stomach,'. Plagg shrugged, 'So what are you doing with the sausage girl?' the god of destruction started calling her  that after getting a good look at her hair, he really thought it was sausages hanging from her hair.

'She seems pretty angry today, I think it's only a matter of time before she completely loses it, we'll take the high road for now, I never thought annoying someone could be this fun,' he chuckled. Plagg settled himself onto the boy's bed, 'I guess they can strip off your title as Sunshine Boy,'. Adrien merely chuckled and settled down, staring at the ceiling, sorting out his feelings.

__________

Adrien was right, Lila had lost her temper days after, all her built up lies and threats fall into the ditch. She let her emotions take over and lost everything she once had.

It was during school when some students had extra classes, the Akuma Class had one extra period in Chemistry, as they went to their locker to gather their things for the class.

Lila has had it, she spent the whole day tripping Marinette, even going as far as spreading rumors, and framing her. But it always didn't go her way, if anything it made Marinette more loved, and she had to control herself from pouncing on her when having to watch the class gush on how close the bluenette and blond had gotten. She knew Adrien is preventing everything she is planning, constantly in the right place at the right time, she was furious at Adrien for stopping her. He was suppose to be fawning over her like the other mindless idiots! Seeing the two of them so close together at Marinette's locker, with Marinette leaning back a little to show Adrien something form her sketchbook, the man leaning in a little, his chin almost touching the girl's shoulder. It was such a sickeningly sweet posture that it practically radiates diabetes. Alya had her phone out while the girls gushed over it.

Deciding it was the last straw, and momentarily forgetting the presence of practically the whole class in the locker room. Stomping over to them, she screeched like a spoiled child, or in most people's case, a banshee. 'I have had it with you Dupain-Cheng! You were supposed to be an outcast! Alone! I was supposed to be there next to Adrien! Not you! I didn't plan all of this just for you to get closer to him! Ughh! I hate you!' she screamed it all at a stunned Marinette.

Before Marinette could respond, Lila continued, letting her rage completely take over, 'And you! You're supposed to be fawning over me! Like the mindless idiots in the class! Not going over to her! She's a nobody! What's so great about her anyway! I'm a model! I worked with the famous Gabriel! All she ever does is doodle some ugly designs and bake bread! I'm the one who's worthy of the Agreste name! Me! If you have gotten together with me I would've actually met Jagged Stone and Prince Ali, then I wouldn't  have to lie about this! I wouldn't have to lie about all these stupid diseases and everyone would be flocking over to me! Not this girl you called your "Everyday Ladybug" !' she finished, panting, challenging Adrien, who suddenly had his arm around Marinette, both of them glaring at the brunette.

Lila froze, she looked around her, the entire Akuma class stared at her, shock. Alya had her phone out. Oh no, she messed up, it was all going so well, and she let her anger control her. She now wished for an akuma to take over her already. Quickly thinking of a new excuse, she spoke with a paled face, 'Oh no! I let my disease take over me again! I'm sorry, I swear I didn't mean what I said to Marinette and Adrien! My lying disease had acted up again. Please understand!' she cried out, fake tears streaming down her face.

Alix broke the silence, screaming, 'So Marinette was right all along! You are a liar! I can't believe you!'.

'So uncool Lila!'

'You've been lying all this time! And we thought Marinette was jealous! Oh Poor Marinette!'

'There is a 99.97% chance that there is no such disease Lila,'

'How could you Lila! We would've accepted you just fine when you don't lie!'

Lila's eyes widened, 'N...no guys! It really is a disease! Please! You have to believe me!' she cried out, her face turning as white as a sheet of paper. Nino called out, 'I don't think the word "believe" would suit this conversation right now Lila, you just lied to all of us, and you even framed our dudette Marinette for all those horrible things! That's low!' the DJ shook his head in disappointment.

Lila's shocked expression morphed into something uglier, anger, turning around, she screamed at Marinette, 'It's all your fault! If you weren't in the way! I would've been in the spotlight! I hate you! You're nothing but a nuisance in our lives! I wish you were gone! I don't get what Adrien sees in you!' she was about to scream more when she flinched at the sound of a fist against the locker door. Looking to wards the source, she was greeted by the hovering figure of one Adrien Agreste, his fist still remaining against the metal material of the locker, his eyes, acid-green, glinting dangerously at her, 'Shut up Lila,' he growled, something that the others were not aware that he could create.

'W..what?' Lila was speechless. Adrien spoke up in a low voice, 'I said shut up, you don't get to talk about our "Everyday Ladybug" like that, nor do you have the privilege. I like her, you want to know why? Because unlike you, Marinette doesn't go lying about everything, and she actually works hard to achieve her dreams. She actually met Jagged Stone, but she didn't brag it all out like you, she's humble, she's kind, and she puts other's needs before herself, and, Rossi, that is why Marinette would always be a thousand times more better than you. I'm not stupid Rossi, I know you've been spying on my on behalf of my dad, you manipulated him to get closer to him, so don't go spouting all that nonsense of you wanting the best for me, you don''t care about me, you just want my last name, and I despise people like you. So don't talk about my princess like that, is that clear?' he finished. Marinette's eyes lit up at the mention of her nickname. Only one person has ever called me princess, she flushed red at the realization.

Adrien is Chat Noir!

I've been rejecting him for him!

And he just openly confessed to me, if this is a dream don't wake me up?

Lila's eyes were wide, she didn't seem to hear the "Since when did you call Marinette princess?!" from Alya behind her, all she could focus was the fact that her future would be ruin, all the fame and fortune she ever dreamed off, gritting her teeth, she pointed towards him, showing her true colors at last, 'Really?! You don't know what I'm capable of Agreste, I could get you out of school with just a few of my words! Your father wouldn't even know what's coming! Ha! Do you think I really liked you?! You're just a stepping stone towards my popularity! And here I thought you were perfect?! If it weren't for your last name then I would've just turn you into one of my minions!'

Adrien's eyes reflected hurt, he hated being recognized only for his name, it makes him think that all he's ever good for is his name, not what he truly is. Lila noticed this, sneering, she mocked, 'What Agreste, you're going to hurt me? Slap me? Think before you act blondie, I can tarnish your reputation by reporting that you, a boy, hit me, a delicate woman, imagine what would the press think of you?' she cackled.

Marinette has had it, no one, and she means no one, talks to her precious kitty like that! Drawing her hand back, she slapped the girl across her face cleanly. Lila stumbled back, while everyone widened their eyes at the force coming from the petite girl. The Italian touched her now red cheek, anger rising quickly, how dare that peasant slap her! Before she could take it out, Marinette beat her to it, and the force of her voice caused everyone to silence themselves immediately.

'Adrien can't hit you, but I can! How dare you! You witch! Using Adrien and my friends like that as your pawns! They're not some dolls you can control! Can't you see you're hurting them! I would've tolerate you if you target me only! But you're the kind that thinks of yourself as some goddess or ruler, that you're above us all! Manipulating us, lying to us! You really are the worst of the worst! Adrien knew you were lying, but being the sweet and kind person he is he gave you chance for you to change, but what did you do?! You used this kindness to your advantage! Adrien isn't some kind of trophy for you to hang around your arm! He's a real person who just wants to live a normal life, instead people like you used him, turned him into some kind of eye candy! Can't you see he needs emotional support?! He needs someone there for him, his father is always busy and he just lost his mother! He's hurting inside, and you don't even acknowledge that fact! Well let me tell you this Lila, we are not minions who you can control! You will either apologize to them or stay an outcast! Unlike Adrien, I am not that kind to let you off the hook!' Marinette finished, out of breath.

Adrien stared at the girl, the sight of her standing up to him almost made his eyes water, she's simply the most amazing girl he met besides Ladybug, he wondered to himself on how he didn't notice this goddess of a woman before.The confidence, the voice, the posture, it reminded him so much of his lady, he had never fallen more harder than ever for a girl, not even Ladybug crossed his mind as his eyes only ever saw Marinette Dupain-Cheng right now.

Lila had her eyes wide open once again, she was pale, and everyone could almost hear a whimper escaping her lips. The class stared at Marinette, their class president is incredible! The liar had to mutter a small apology half-heartedly and ran out, ashamed and embarrassed.

The situation was so tense they were surprise an akuma didn't appear already. Alix cut it off with a wolf-whistle, Alya shoved her phone towards Nino and ran towards Marinette, 'Girl that was so awesome! You're so amazing! Just like Ladybug!' she hugged the half-Asian. Soon after the rest of the girls joined, thanking Marinette. Everyone just stood there thanking their beloved class president, well, almost everyone, Adrien still had that lovesick gaze on her, which did not go unnoticed by Alya.

The Ladyblogger placed her hands on her hips, smirking teasingly, 'So, Sunshine Boy, what's all this about liking my girl Marinette and calling her princess? Isn't she "just a friend"?' she quoted. Adrien snapped out of his trance, face burning red as he stammered some quiet words out, covering his face. Rose squealed, 'You do like Marinette! Oh it's so romantic on how you defended each other! You're just like Ladybug and Chat Noir!'. The rest of the class nodded in approval. 'It's like they're the civilian versions of Paris's superheroes!' Mylene giggled.

Both Marinette and Adrien took this as a suspicion on their superhero identities, flushing red, they held their hands up and denied everything in panic. Their friends laughed at the two's reaction, 'You two really are made for each other! Just kiss already!' Alix called out, fist bumping Kim in the process. They flushed red again, as Chloe called out, 'Ugh! As if I'm seeing those two lock lips! Sabrina! Let's go! We're late for Chemistry!'  she snapped her fingers, beckoning the girl to follow her. The class gasped in surprise, they were approximately 15 minutes late for their class! Yells of surprise were heard and within seconds the locker room was empty, except for the bluenette and blond.

'Adrien? Did you really mean what you said earlier?' Marinette bit her lip, looking down at the ground shyly. The blonde lifted the girl's chin up slowly, in a soft voice, he spoke, 'Yes, I really like you Marinette, and I realized I had been for awhile, you're the most amazing girl I've ever met, and I have been pretty blind for not noticing such a wonderful girl in front of me, I'll be delighted if you'll return my feelings,' he gave her a shy smile. Marinette would've exploded, but she bear the thought that the man in front of her was her partner, the one that had been in love with her alter-ego for so long, confessed to her twice, and her heart swelled at the feeling. 'Of course Adrien, you have no idea how long I've been in love with you, and yes, you have been pretty blind to not notice,' she giggled at the last part. 'We'll talk about this later, okay? We're both really late for class,' Marinette began to leave, but Adrien stopped her to thank her once again.

'Marinette, i just want to thank you for standing up to me, it really means a lot to me, You're really amazing you know that?' he added the last part with a soft smile, one that the spotter-hero had seen frequently on a certain feline-hero. Adrien rubbed the back of his neck shyly, Marinette smiled, 'It's alright Adrien, plus,' she leaned towards his ear, whispering the last part clearly, 'I couldn't let her bad-mouthed my chaton that way, could I?' giggled quietly to herself, she walked out, not before shooting a quick wink towards the model.

Adrien stood there, frozen. Did she just call me? Only one person calls me that. No, it cant be. I can't be that lucky. Then, if she says she's been in love with me for awhile, then that means, she rejected me, for me?  Piecing the puzzles together, he came to a conclusion: Marinette is Ladybug. Why wouldn't she be? they're both brave, courageous, kind and Adrien had to say, extremely gorgeous. Hearing Plagg stifle a laughter inside his pocket, his suspicions were correct. He's the holder of the black cat Miraculous, the literal owner of the God of destruction and bad luck, how could he be this lucky?

Smiling in a lovesick way, he promised to himself that once the pig-tailed girl was his, he would never let her go, not ever again.

(This is just a one-shot to giving our heroes some justice, absolutely no Lila hate)

[anexplanationofunfortunateevents]

A Tale of Red States and Blue States

Once upon a time, there was a state.

It was a large state, with vast stretches of country between its world-class cities. It had communities rich in diversity and activism and ideas – and it had a lot of resentful white people who were just plain old rich.

The richest and most resentful white people created a terrible blight they called “modern conservatism.” They set their wicked curse on the state, and then unleashed it on the nation with two Republican presidents – one lamentable, the next even worse.

There were many along the way who sounded the alarm, but there were more who ignored the danger far too long. The spell had summoned a beast. The beast was hideous and stupid. It was no good at anything except being a hateful beast. But the dark spell had done so much damage that being a hateful beast was enough for the beast to win, at least for a time.

In one version of the story, the state is called “California.”

In another, it is called “Texas.”

It’s strange to think of now, with a decade of sneering about the “left coast” and “San Francisco liberals” and blah blah blah baked into political conventional wisdom, but it’s true. The reactionary modern conservatism which held the whip hand on the backlash to the great civil rights advances of the 1960s was born in California. California voted for Richard Nixon six times: once as their senator, twice as Eisenhower’s vice president, and then three times as the Republican presidential nominee. In between those elections, Nixon of course had to win primaries. In 1968, when he was the Republican front-runner, he faced an upstart challenger who wanted to make sure he’d be racist enough to keep conservative southerners in the tent. That person was not a southerner, but the then-governor of California, Ronald Reagan, who would go on to be the next Republican elected after Nixon.

So what the fuck happened? Well, a lot of things, and I don’t want to pretend to do justice to the generations of righteous activism that pushed back against this disastrous regime. Democrats did occasionally win state-wide – notably, California elected two Democratic women to the Senate in 1992 – even though Orange County was practically a metonym for American conservatism right up until the 2018 midterms. But the turning point that seems to have gotten your average voter to turn on the Republican party for good was in 1994. Governor Pete Wilson, a kind of hard-right proto-Trump, threw his weight behind a hateful anti-immigrant ballot initiative. It passed, even though it was so deranged that it never went into effect because a federal court ruled it unconstitutional within days of the vote, because the California electorate really was that conservative. The electorate changed, almost on a dime. Mexican-American voters organized. Their friends and neighbors and fellow citizens realized that sitting back wasn’t an option. And now the Republican Party of California is a fucking joke.

This isn’t, like, the eternal winds of history blowing microscopic chips off the statue of Ozymandias. If you remember the Clinton presidency, this happened in your lifetime. If you’re a little bit younger than that, it happened in your big cousins’ lifetimes.

Part of what makes it hard to see changes like this is that the dim bulbs in our political media see everything through a horse race lens, where who gets one particular W is the only piece of information worth retaining. You win and you’re clever; you lose and you’re a dumb sucker who tried. Who gets power is really important! But if you only care about that, then you miss the really important trends.

Take the Georgia 6th, the district once represented by Newt fucking Gingrich. Its representative joined Trump’s cabinet in early 2017, at least in part because it was such a supposedly safe Republican seat, so there was a special election for his replacement. Traumatized Democrats and Women’s Marchers threw themselves into the steeply uphill campaign of former John Lewis intern Jon Ossoff. When he came up a few points short, our blue-check media betters tried to turn Ossoff into a punch line stand-in for silly #Resistance liberal losers coping with Trump by losing some more, SUCK IT, MOM! but the other, correct, interpretation is that Ossoff only came up a few points short in a district that was supposed to protect the kookiest of right-wing cranks. His campaign had functioned as kind of an ad hoc boot camp for novice organizers, canvassers, and future school board candidates who had previously been too discouraged and disorganized to take this kind of swing, and it showed Democratic party donors that the district was winnable. So when gun safety advocate and Mother of the Movement Lucy McBath stepped up to the plate in the 2018 midterms, her campaign had the infrastructure it needed, and now she’s well-positioned to be reelected because she’s doing a great job. Meanwhile, Ossoff’s organizing chops and the enthusiastic work his supporters did for Rep. McBath are a big part of why he’s in a dead heat against incumbent Republican Senator David Purdue.

That’s why I’m keeping an eye on the South this year. The presidential campaign there is interesting, but the real story is in those network effects. There’s a rising tide that threatens to make the blue wave of 2018 look like a light spring shower if things break the right way. Just look at the Democratic senate candidates. They’re a diverse group: men and women, Black and white, preacher and fighter pilot. Most are relative newcomers to national audiences, but only some of them are young. Jon Ossoff is just 33; when he was in grade school, Mike Espy of Mississippi was Secretary of Agriculture. What they do seem to have in common is that they are having the time of their fucking lives.

Here’s Espy:

Moving and grooving in McComb. pic.twitter.com/RANCRGGpX7

— Mike Espy (@MikeEspyMS)

October 31, 2020

Ossoff:

The people of Georgia are tired of having a spineless, disgraced politician serve as their Senator. pic.twitter.com/OdaYwFKzmz

— Jon Ossoff (@ossoff)

October 30, 2020

Senator Doug Jones of Alabama:

I know you’ve heard us say it before, but when you see this clip, it bears reappearing: This guy really is clueless. https://t.co/w9YOUHegCW

— Doug Jones (@DougJones)

October 22, 2020

Jamie Harrison of South Carolina:

It's debate night and y'all know I'm going to walk it like I talk it. Let's see if @LindseyGrahamSC can do the same. pic.twitter.com/TNABxsaTEO

— Jaime Harrison (@harrisonjaime)

October 30, 2020

And the bad bitch with her eye on the big prize, MJ Hegar of Texas:

It's about time Texans had a senator as tough as we are. https://t.co/8MQ8Tykmyt pic.twitter.com/bgPr5vtgdh

— MJ Hegar (@mjhegar)

October 16, 2020

Clutch those pearls, John! https://t.co/iWej8MrhtV

— MJ Hegar (@mjhegar)

October 22, 2020

The spineless bootlicker Hegar is challenging, Senate Majority Whip John Cornyn, is currently resting his dainty patoot in the seat once held by none other than Lyndon Baines Johnson. As president, LBJ would aggressively push for some of the greatest human rights legislation in American history in pursuit of what he called the Great Society. That meant Medicare and Medicaid. It meant a revolution in environmental protections. It meant PBS. And it meant telling the one-party authoritarian regime in the Jim Crow south that America was done with their bullshit, they were going to have real democracy, they were going to do it now, and if they didn’t like it they could eat his ass.

Johnson was a complicated guy and left a complicated legacy. His project required an unusual leader of courage, conviction, and unmitigated savvy, cut with streaks of megalomania and dubious mental health. No architect but Lyndon Johnson would have built the Great Society, and no place but Texas could have built Lyndon Johnson.

Then again, Texas also gave us the Bushes in the late twentieth century. It gave us a terrorist attack on a Biden campaign bus just this weekend.

That darkness is real. So is the long, grinding slog to turn on the light. Like the GA-06 silliness, Democratic efforts in Texas get laughed at as some quixotic waste of resources by arrogant flops. In fact, the past few years of high-profile statewide elections in Texas have been on a pretty clear trajectory. In 2014, Wendy Davis, a state senator from Fort Worth who captured widespread progressive attention with her heroic filibuster of a 2013 state abortion ban, ran for governor. She lost by the ~20-point margin you’d expect in a year where Republicans everywhere did really well, but it was a vitamin B-12 shot to a perpetually overwhelmed state Democratic party. The 2016 Clinton campaign, when it was (correctly!) on the offensive before FBI Director Comey decided he would really prefer a Trump presidency, invested heavily in its Texas ground game. It was always a long shot, but even after the Comey letter and the Texas-specific sabotage by the Russian Internet Research Agency, Texas Democrats cut Trump’s margin there down to single digits. That is to say, they recruited the volunteers and taught the skills and raised the cash and registered the voters to carry the ball way down the field. And in the 2018 midterms, El Paso representative Beto O’Rourke built on all that energy to fight Senator Ted Cruz to a near draw. O’Rourke didn’t quite make it, but he did help a lot of downballot Democrats over the finish line and forced Republicans to light a few oil drums of cash on fire to save a seat that they had always assumed would be safe.

That growth has been possible because of a ton of hard work and persuasion, but it’s also been possible because there was so much untapped potential. As progressives have argued for years, Texas was less of a “red state” than a non-voting state. I’m not a person that usually has a lot of patience for people not bothering to vote, because the people who get to be loud about that are whiny, privileged assholes who can afford to be flip about the right to vote. But there are a lot of people who find it hard because they absolutely do know the weight and importance of voting, because they or their mothers or their grandfathers were beaten and terrorized to keep them away from the polls. They might make the same mouth-noises as the selfish dilettantes about how it doesn’t matter and they’re all corrupt and blah blah blah. But a vote is a tiny little leap of faith. It’s at least a skip of hope. And it hurts to know the weight and importance of that and to keep feeling that disappointment over and over again.

A key thing that Republicans in the South managed to do for a while, but California Republicans didn’t, was to let their misrule seem almost tolerable day to day. As outrageous as the overall trends were, as catastrophic the results were for a lot of people’s lives, it didn’t necessarily feel entirely irrational for lots of people to avoid the inconvenience and disappointment of trying to stop them. But if you’re just going to be a constant, unwavering shit show of incompetence and evil, infuriating people every waking minute of every fucking day for years on end, they’re not going to be deterred by inconvenience and disappointment. They're not going to be deterred by fucking tear gas. They’re going to understand that it’s worth trying to get rid of you, even if it’s a long shot. They’re going to line up to kick you in the shin just for the hell of it. And that’s exactly what millions of them have already done.

These dumbass motherfuckers radicalized Taylor goddamn Swift!

LOOK WHAT YOU MADE HER DO!

So yeah. People who had given up are fucking voting. Texas has already had hundreds of thousands more people vote than voted in all of 2016. BEFORE ELECTION DAY!

Vice President Biden likes to recite a poem by the great Irish bard Seamus Heaney. It’s about how you have to have faith that a better world is possible, even when you don’t have any rational reason to expect it any time soon, because it’s the only way you’ll be able to seize the most precious of opportunities, when “justice can rise up/ And hope and history rhyme.”

Sometimes hope and history walk into a bar to tell dirty jokes for a bachelorette party in downtown Austin. And they rhyme.

For a hundred and fifty years, unreconstructed revanchist terrorist sympathizers have threatened that “the South will rise again.” They mean the treasonous mobsters who called themselves the Confederacy.

Why do those losers get to define the South? Like, literally, they’re losers. They lost.

There’s another South. The terrorists cut it off at the knees, so it never quite rose the first time. But it’s always been there. The South the heroes of Reconstruction tried to build. The South of the Kennedy Space Station and the Center for Disease Control. The South of the French Quarter of New Orleans and the gay neighborhoods of Atlanta. The South of Barbara Jordan, Ann and Cecile Richards, Stacey Abrams, and the young women of the Virginia state legislature. The South of Maya Angelou, Molly Ivins, and Mark Twain. The South of the exiles of Miami and the Cherokee Nation of Oklahoma. The South of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. and Representative John Lewis. The South of James Earl Carter, William Jefferson Clinton, and Lyndon Baines Johnson.

Once upon a time, there was a colossus. The richest and most resentful white people feared it, for it was both great and good. So they hunted it mercilessly. They tortured and killed its most vulnerable people. They bound it and silenced it and told the rest of the world it didn’t even exist. But they knew that wicked lie was the best they could do, for something so mighty could never be slain by the likes of them.

The giant grows stronger every day as it struggles against its chains, and those chains are turning to rust. One day soon  - maybe in this decade; maybe this week – it will break free. It will rise. And it will shake the earth. Just you watch.

[sanjiaftersex]

So, when are we going to hear your thoughts about ShiIta and everything that has to do with it? I love to hear your thoughts and opinions! Thank you and have a nice day!

am here to fry y'all's brains.

why ShiIta is controversial : for the myth that tHeY aRe cOuSinS. First of all,are y'all dumb? itachi and shisui are NOT cousins,they just belong to the same clan.They are NOT like neji and hinata,Shisui's father kagami and itachi's father fugaku were NOT FUCKIN RELATED IN ANY WAY EXCEPT FOR SHARING THE SAME CLAN NAME AND MAYBE LIVING IN THE SAME VILLAGE ON THE FACE OF THIS FUCKING EARTH.also itachi's mother Mikoto (who was by born an uchiha) and Shisui's mother (who was a non uchiha,name unknown) were NOT related (obviously). So,itachi didn't go to eat fuckin Thanksgiving turkey with Shisui's family every November and we shiita shippers don't condone any nasty incest stuff.and the fuckin uchihas prefer marrying into the same clan so y'all need to bippity boppity back the fuck up

Onto the ship now : the thing about shiita is shisui and itachi's bond didn't actually get to bloom in an adult light,this is why some y'all still doubt them.But even after that,their bond was SO unique i just HAD TO ship :

as kids,they referred to ShiIta as brotherly love(note that sasunaru gaylords were told to have brotherly love too,But we can see when they got the chance to grow,what that eventually resulted in) *cough* Gayest Gay Love *cough*

The amount of shared pressure and stress,the expectations of being the ideal uchiha- this was on both of their shoulders(both being genius shinobi and all).So,ShiIta clearly shared a special connection over that shared stressful life (even before shit went downhill).Shisui is that person who itachi can return home to,the one who accepts all the flaws and loves the imperfect person underneath the perfect uchiha doll (and vice versa)

The world was on their shoulders,shit was getting messy but even at that moment,shisui was protecting itachi,AND they were laughing together and confining in each other,which is a key point of their bond,itachi didn't confine in anyone else with his naked thoughts and same goes for shisui(who was older than itachi,yet he found comfort in Itachi and not any same aged friend) no matter what,they took the stress away from e/o whenever it got too much

itachi is the type of person whose mind is always in chaos and shisui has always been his anchor.Guiding him, supporting him through life.

the thing that strikes me most is when shisui just goes like he doesn't know what to do anymore but he knew one thing that he'd never betray itachi like-

Also can we talk about how AMAZING shisui is? like he's fucking strong and talented yet he's SO soft for itachi? He is The most understanding, accepting,level headed and sane uchiha. (cz uchiha culture is going off the fuckin rails,starting wars and commiting international crimes and mass murders when they feel sad) but my baby just sacrificed himself in silence.

itachi is the type of person who is ready to be a doormat for others' happiness (DUH he became a terrorist for his village),so he definitely needs a partner equally selfless (like shisui) who won't take advantage and leech off of his kindness.

this is the thing,this is the type of bond itachi needs in his life... despite all of itachi's crazy fuckery,shisui would be that one person itachi could return home to and rely on. the person who won't leave or betray him,who will understand and give him benefit of doubt,who will accept and forgive. (again,this ain't even a guess,shisui literally said and proved this) it was a character trait of shisui to love and protect itachi,a part of him just devoted to itachi and vice versa(and I'll deck yall if you say that ain't love)

and just my opinion when you find a selfless soul consuming love and unconditional support like this from someone outside family,it eventually turns into something more than just 'friendship'. And let's face it the amount of adoration and devotion shisui had for Itachi (and vice versa),it would have totally developed into something romantic. Such passion usually doesn't stay platonic for too long.

also Shisui (My Libra king) is exactly what itachi (My Gemini Lord) needs.The warm accepting Libra love is what a gemini needs and the intelligent playful Gemini love is what a Libra needs.

i LOVE itachi and so of course i will want the most selfless,understanding, accepting, reliable, forgiving, level headed,kind, devoted, empathetic, self sacrificing and best partner for itachi (that'd be shisui) and this is why ShiIta is one of my top ships.

The most heartbreaking part is that itachi,shisui and their connection did not get the chance to grow or it would've been an equally good bond like sns if not more.While naruto kicks sasuke's ass over everything,shisui would just go around saying shit like IF YOU HATE ITACHI YO MOMMA FAT or LOOK AT HOW MY BABY COMMITS MURDER or some shit

they'd be the disgustingly-in-love couple that is forever stuck in the honeymoon phase lol

anyway Much love for the ask,my dear anon,i hope you have a great day. (and sorry for this longass essay i couldn't stop myself from writing about my otp)

[facelessfrey]

Roswell New Mexico Season 2, Episode 12

- Well that was....A LOT. 

- Let’s start with the positives: EVERYBODY INTERACTED IN THIS EPISODE AND IT WAS GREAT. Also, there were finally real stakes in the plot. Awesome. The episode was actually tense and I was eager to see what was going to happen. Did I mention that everyone interacted? Cause it was refreshing. 

- Maria is sooooo much better when she’s in scenes with Isobel. The snarky banter but slowly coming to trust each other. Good stuff. It really is a shame that they’re related. But no really, Maria with Isobel, Maria finally with Rosa?!??! FINALLY. That was very nice to see and it felt like they were friends with history. It was good. Also just everyone meeting at the Wild Pony and being together. 

- I’m still so completely MEH on the love triangle or lack of love triangle. I don’t even know what it’s supposed to be at this point. I mean honestly. It’s so dumb. Because even Maria is like “Well Alex was missing, obviously Michael had to go save him”. Which I mean...yes, he would anyway. But when you have everyone else in the episode being like “I know what Michael means to Alex” “we kidnapped Alex to get to you” etc...it’s just like come on. Stop wasting Maria on this nonsense that even she’s not really invested in. I don’t know, it seems so silly to me. 

- But anyway, Michael talking to Charlie about Alex without actually talking about Alex. Great. THEY FINALLY HUGGED!!!!! I wasn’t sure it was gonna happen and then he just rushed right in there and threw his arms around him and it made me very happy. And I loved Michael trying to get Alex to stay put to keep him safe. And I loved the end with Michael charging towards Alex to save him and Jesse being Jesse and Gregory putting himself in between Jesse and Michael because he knows what he means to Alex. It’s all great. I loved it. 

- I liked getting to see Jenna and Max partnering up again. That was fun. And I liked that Jenna wouldn’t go steal alien steroids for Max. Good for her drawing boundaries. 

- I also liked Sanders randomly popping in to try and save Michael. That was cute.

- I love seeing Rosa out and about and actually interacting with everyone. But my god do they need a better cover story for her than Rosa’s identical cousin Rosalinda. I mean...really???!! Really?!?!? WHY?! I mean whatever cause I’m just glad she can come out and play now and be a part of things but still...it’s so dumb. And  like...where is Wyatt Long to react to her existence?! He’s like the one person who would care. Or I don’t know Sheriff Valenti. Someone besides Gregory Manes. Weird. 

- I don’t know how I feel about Liz’s experiments although I did laugh that she and Max can never quite get to the end of that conversation. I wonder if this will be resolved this season or if this will continue into the next. I guess first he needs to stop dying on her. 

- Kind of a bit meh on Max trying to take Flint out like that. Is he dead? Flint, not Max cause I assume Max has immunity. 

- Not sure what to make of Diego sneaking into Liz’s lab either. I guess we’ll see. 

- I still do not understand the purpose of Steph. Why are they wasting Kyle on her? What is the point? We’re 12 episodes into this season and only have one left and she’s literally amounted to nothing other than being a reason for Kyle to isolate himself in the hospital and to give Liz the motivation to continue her work. That’s it. That’s not good enough. Definitely not good enough to keep Kyle out of action. 

- Speaking of irrelevant people...another episode where Forrest is nowhere to be seen. I reblogged that post about a supposed Carina interview earlier that said that Forrest was supposed to be a bad guy but then they changed their minds. And just...they clearly didn’t know what to do with him so they’re just gonna hold him over till the next season? And then....?! I just...I don’t know what the point of him was either. They should have just let him and Alex actually date and then moved on. Again...my issues with the love triangle...square...literally just Michael and Alex circling each other and still being the most important people to each other even when they’re not together. I don’t get it at all. 

- Another thing I don’t get....the plot. My god is it MESSY! Like what even kind of convoluted mess to come up with. Mimi was just wandering and Helena picked her up and developed a whole revenge plan to take out Jim Valenti’s killer which required her to kidnap Jenna and Charlie and Alex and what?!?!?! And she needed Flint for the schematics because he had them from Project Shepherd?!?!? Because Jesse is building the same thing to take out all the Aliens after he brands them terrorists with Graham Green’s unwitting help through Max’s money?!?!?!? WHAT?!?!?! I mean this is fucking nonsense. And what is Deep Sky?!?! Is that who Flint works for?! Did Helena make that up?! Where does Evil Twin Jon Gilbert come into things?!?! Cause Helena clearly took Mimi to get those boots. WHY?!?! I just....I can’t even begin to understand how they came up with any of this. It’s literally absurd. 

- And then we also have our history lessons about the past and Max and his alien steroids so he can become like the Alien Rosetta Stone because maybe he can read stuff. And he can pull up symbols on the giant alien remote and know that it’s a remote. And....I mean....

- None of it makes any sense....

- But I am glad to have some actual tension and stakes in these last two episodes. And exposing aliens and trying to kill them is kind of the direction I wish the plot would have gone in sooner because that’s what I feel like this show should have more of. But how we got here is insane. 

- Anyway...Malex hugged and everyone knows they’re in love and did I mention PEOPLE ACTED LIKE THEY WERE FRIENDS IN THIS EPISODE?!?!?!??! 

- I am terrified for what convoluted horrors next week will bring

[cobieeliseforsh]

I'm getting pretty annoyed with the amount of bullshit in the media right now. I just read an article about the "antisemitic" conspiracy theory Qanon. Calling Qanon antisemitic is like calling the KKK a group opposed to the career of Will Smith - technically true, but clearly a small subsection of a greater whole.

So, to remedy this...

COBIE'S FRUSTRATED GUIDE TO QANON FROM SOMEONE WHO LOVES CONSPIRACY THEORIES AND WISHES THIS ONE WOULD FUCK OFF BECAUSE IT IS BORING AS SHIT BUT NOT FIZZING WITH ENERGY, EVEN ON A MOLECULAR LEVEL, BECAUSE IT IS A DUMB AND LAZY REHASH FROM THE 80S OR EARLIER!

PART 1: DA FUCQ IS QANON?

Qanon is a grooming organisation for the Christian Far Right Death Cult that has held the Republican party in its sweaty hands since the ascent of Reagan in the 1980s. They believe in some bullshit I won't reprint here because I have no intention of spreading their ideology, but if you've heard of the Satanic panic, this is Satanic Panic 2: Now With Pizza!

Qanon is, by definition of their own supporters attacks on Muslim terrorism, a terrorist organisation. And, though it seems impossible, they're stupidier than ISIS ever were, because at least there was some twisted logic behind ISIS: poor young men fighting revolutionary wars against what they see as corrupt and immoral authorities and ideologies is nothing new. Qanon is literally the powerful declaring war on those without power out of fear that those without power (Satanists) live only to physically abuse their ugly, fat, prejudiced, stupid children. Despite the statistically most likely people to abuse them being them themselves, and there being plenty of evidence that many of these hypocrites have done that in the past (numerically many - one thing I believe Qanon followers on is that the majority are gullible Maud Flanders types, so statistically it won't be that many).

Donald Trump supports them over the "violent" Antifa (Antifa haven't killed anyone since 1993 (and that was a suicide), aren't actually an organisation, and are against facism, which Trump also claims to be against), despite Qanon followers carrying and firing weapons regularly, having shot up a pizza place in a terrorist act, refusing to wear masks, and other acts of violence designed to terrorise people.

PART 2 WHO DO THEY HATE?

Um... like, 98% of people.

Qanon is primarily an Apocalyptic Christian Far Right Death Cult. They believe in what they call SRA (Satanic Ritual Abuse) which happens at such a low frequency as to make it as serious a problem as being invaded by pookas. You might find anecdotal evidence here and there, but the majority of cases are hearsay spread by people who weren't there who were a part of or raised by people who were a part of the Satanic Panic. If you hear about it, it's likely bullshit. Just look at the West Memphis 3: accused of Satanic Ritual Abuse, they were sent to prison for wearing black clothes and being teenagers without any evidence. Now, whoever killed those boys is still loose, because Qanon, like all right-wing groups, is about being obeyed, not about justice.

So, with Satanic Ritual Abuse being fucking vapour, they can accuse ANYONE. And if there is no evidence, they cry COVER UP. There is no way, at all, to prove this mindset is wrong as it always self corrects, because being religious in origin, it is driven by BELIEF, not evidence.

So, whoever they believe is evil, is, as far as their reality tunnel goes.

Muslims? Evil child abusers. "But there is no evidence of that. In fact, the Muslim community is actually very protective of their children and other children. They're amongst the kindest people you can meet, even if their political leaders in their own countries are jerks." Well, says Qanon, that's because their community covers up the abuse. There wouldn't be any evidence. But my cousin went to school with a girl who was groomed by a Muslim. It's clear it is something all Muslims do. "But that's stupid. That's like saying that because Ted Bundy, a heterosexual white Republican, murdered loads of women, all heterosexual white Republicans want to murder women!" Now, says Qanon, you are just being silly. Besides, I believe Muslims are bad and Republicans aren't. You can't question my beliefs.

But we can, and we should.

Qanon followers use this vague structure to create complex webs that link up various conspiracy theories, but they aren't a complex web. They're just a list of petty grievances they have from living in their own personal echo chamber.

They hate women, they hate girls, they hate boys who don't conform to their expectations, they hate men who vote left-wing, they hate gay people, bi people, really anyone who isn't heterosexual, they definitely hate trans people (see: trans people want to use bathrooms to abuse children as merely an extension of the Satanic Ritual Abuse claims), they hate people with coloured hair, bright clothes, they hate Jewish people, they hate Muslims, they hate anyone from a fringe religion that doesn't look right, they hate foreigners, black and brown people... anyone they define as different. And to back this up, they claim to be "the majority" being dictated to be a "minority" - they aren't. They're a minority of gobby cunts, a Karen of Nazis (Karen being the best collective noun to describe these childish crybabies who were so desperate to remain in a state of childlike innocence they embraced both religion and then keep insisting their imaginary friend, Jesus, is following them everywhere, like a psychotic stalker ghost).

PART 3 WHERE DOES THEIR BULLSHIT COME FROM?

This is probably the most important part. Not what they believe, but where these ideas come from, and why they aren't new.

Qanon is a mixture of young-and-edgy YouTube/8chan influencer, white supremacist religious manipulation, pro-Capitalist Protestant religious "life is shit, embrace misery" ideology, pedophile hysteria, and "we hate the idea people have rights because we're power mad, but we're going to frame this as a backlash, normal people making their voices heard, a culture war, or whatever else we can rebrand PREJUDICE because even we don't want to admit we are bigots".

So, first of all, the angry white online teenagers: have always existed, will always exist. Their parents don't give a shit about them unless they cause trouble. So, they learn quickly that the best way to get attention is to cause trouble, which leads to kinship with other troubkemakers, forming an echo chamber of escalating troublemaking. But they're also angry, and often poor (in their eyes, or in actuality), so they're drawn to outrage, and like causing it. They're attracted to movements like this because they believe it's a chance to get some attention, someone to notice them.

And who notices them? White supremacists are always on the lookout for recruits. They feed their need for outrage and attention by misrepresenting everything. They take puff-piece news articles and shoddy journalism and further twist them into movements around positions that have no basis in reality. Vaccines? Designed to hurt you. "Uhhh, no," you say. "That's literally the opposite of what a vaccine does." I don't believe that, they say, and you can't question my beliefs. BLM? Terrorism. "No, they just want to not be shot." No they don't, they want to take over and put the Jews in power, and you can't question my beliefs! "You have no evidence!" COVER UP! they scream.

So it goes, so it goes.

Meanwhile, the Protestan work ethic of, "If you didn't suffer, you don't deserve it," goes on and on. They believe that shit things just happen, you can't stop them. Capitalism is founded on this very, very relugious principle: work should be pain for it to have value. This justifies promoting assholes, and making things difficult. But it also promotes the idea that you can't do anything to combat inequality, as that is natural, and you can't do anything to stop bad things happening, they always will, so why try? This lends Qanon a specific pattern: complain, do nothing, complain nothing is being done, still do nothing, repeat. It's wrong to intervene, you see. This allows them to say racism is bad, but God wants us to suffer so we deserve phony-heaven, a paradise they think is built on bricks of human misery... does that sound glorious to you? And if you have something, clearly you did suffer to get it, and so you are worthy, which is why Trump is a hero to them and they believe his every utterance of verbal diarrhea about him being persecuted (to be fair, he is, but he deserves it because he's lazy and incompetent).

Pedophile hysteria is also generally religiously motivated. Children should be protected, but they are not innocent angels. I've worked with children. Some are nice, some are sneaky, some are violent bullies, and so on. The one thing that unites all children is that they are ignorant. That's why we send them to school. And there are people who want to prey on children. The world we usually use to describe those who most often hurt, abuse and damage children is, "family". Promoting the idea of gangs of rampaging pedophiles snatching children into vans and harming them in shadowy rooms, or murdering them in some Satanic ritual, is laughable compared to the epidemic of children being harmed by those parents terrified the pedophiles are out there. Such fear motivates them to do untold harm to children, restricting their freedoms and their growth, teaching them that all sex is bad so they never enjoy it, forcing them to be things they aren't, and turning a blind eye to obvious abuse because those doing it are not the model of abuse being put out by the press and Internet communities. In that last way, Qanon is a driver of child abuse: it actively encourages Apocalyptic Christian Far Right Death Cult members to nit even ask the obvious question: if Epstein was abusing kids, and Epstein was hanging out with Trump, was Trump maybe involved in some way?

And then there is just the prejudiced crowd, most notably the American-exceptionalism delusional whack jobs. Let me be clear, all forms of exceptionalism are prejudiced, as they suggest that those who are exceptional are better and mire deserving than others, and the real world does not contain such hierarchies, just stuff that happens until it stops happening. A monkey may be the alpha, but one day they won't be. It's not a hierarchy, it's just a thing that happens that we project a power structure onto. Who knows what monkey culture is like? Maybe to them deference is more honourable and respected than being in charge. No-one has asked monkeys for their views of ideology or power structures.

This often manifests itself in ideas of, "We shouldn't be ashamed!" and that movements they don't like are, "Against us!" Well, if you're setting out to hurt people because you believe you are better than them, you should be ashamed. That queer Pakistani girl you keep out of college could have been the one to cure cancer! She might have had the unique perspective to make that breakthrough. And, yes, some of us are against Qanon, because Qanon is hurting people. That is the point of the movement: to harm its enemies, by denial if freedom all the way up to outright murder. It isn't a Pride parade or BLM demanding equality and an end to deaths, its a hate movement driven by a desire to punch down, and ultimately perpetuate the very system that isn't even working for those who follow its own ideology.

It's based on fear of the new, even if that new place is better than the old one, change can be scary. They think equality will hurt them, the way collective bargaining would hurt them. But we don't live in a system where resources are so finite you have to do without, we live in a system where resources are finite but we throw away an excess because capitalism couldn't make rich people richer by giving it to those who need it, so they dispose of it and introduce scarcity to drive up the cost. Working together would force them to stop doing that, which is why movements like this exist: to perpetuate a form of exceptionalism more like a cult, where only the leaders reap the rewards.

PART 4 WHAT IS THE END GOAL OF QANON?

It doesn't have one.

Qanon is a right-wing movement. Right-wing movements are about winning arguments now, and then feeling smug, even when the damage is undone later. It's about a sense of self-satisfaction, and not anything else.

Plus, Qanon has so many stake-holders who hate each other that the movement will eventually descend into cannibalism as all these things do.

Finally, being primarily religious in its design, it won't take long for many religious types to realise Q is kind if a God-like figure, a false idol, and when that happens, plenty if their leaders will become worried that their followers are so focused on Q they might "stray from the path" of donating all their money to their church.

Unless it turns out that Q is Q from Star Trek, in which case their end goal is to test Jean-Luc Picard.

PART 5 SHOULD WE FEAR QANON?

Nah. It's a group of fringe lunatics whose time in the spotlight will be fleeting. As I've already said, even their ideas aren't original - this is the Apocalyptic Christian Far Right Death Cult version of Fortnite stealing dances: everyone goes crazy about it for a bit, but it's so insubstantial in its original form, nevermind the cover band version, that almost all people with a lick of common sense will dismiss it. Plus, it doesn't serve any agenda: Trump could easily find himself on the receiving end of it, that one Qanon politician just elected will likely be marginalised the moment Trump vanishes, and having a single person won't sway any votes in such divisive times, which means they'll be proclaimed ineffectual soon enough, and with Epstein it is already showing that it isn't something which helps the powerful, meaning a lot of people who do have secrets will want it gone sooner rather than later lest it bite their own hands. Plus, they are actually harming people - and say what you like about the Republicans, they don't tend to respond well to the PR disaster of groups they side with directly attacking or killing people unless they are their own ACAB stormtroopers.

Plus, it's a bunch of saddos on the Internet. Chances are if you see someone screaming about Qanon and waving around a gun, they'd have done the same and screamed about lizards had it never got started.

PART 6 WHAT SHOULD I DO?

Stop giving them attention. This is one of the most BORING conspiracy theories ever created. Seriously, since 9/11, conspiracy theories have really gone downhill. They used to be about aliens and subterranean kingdoms, and now they're just attempts to misdirect pedophile hunters from the right-wing types who have covered up child abuse, and tie it to phony "think of the children" and "Satan is out to get us" religious hysteria.

With covid-19, the press is having a very slow news cycle, so they're desperately grabbing at anything that can drive search engine algorithm clicks to their sites, so they're covering Qanon because they've seen it trending. I doubt most people involved with it really believe in it, but it is so directionless that it wouldn't matter if they did. Qanon Con would descend into bloodshed fairly quickly because everyone would be angry and arguing that the tater tots are secret SRA code for cannibalising children or that it reveals that Hilary Clinton buries children beneath fields of potatoes. It's stupid, the people involved with it are stupid, and the bigger question is what they believe that led them to this:

Disenfranchisement. Having to respect the beliefs of others. Prejudice. Anger.

Well, boo-fucking-hoo. If these shitbags actually want to stop harm to children, maybe stop supporting gun rights so kids aren't being gunned down in schools, and black kids don't keep getting gunned down everywhere. Until you do that, Qanon, you're the child abusers.

[hellyeahomeland]

“Catch and Release”: an HYH recap

LOL I guess we need to discuss these new opening credits? It’s a real throwback, incorporating some of the more famous images from the first few years of the show, especially young Carrie (also I don’t remember the maze as much the last few years but it was there, and it features heavily this year as well).

Some notable audio clips:

Saul: You had a relationship complicated enough to lie about. Carrie: Yeah, it’s complicated! I lost seven months of my life!

Saul: You will become the focus of an investigation that will define the rest of your life.

Saul: Please God, tell me you haven’t…

(had to include this cap because I’m trash)

So… this should be fun.

The episode opens right where the last one left off. Carrie is visibly disturbed by the site of Yevgeny walking out of G’ulom’s office. She wastes no time asking G’ulom what the hell they were doing there. He plays coy and says they’re just businessmen but Carrie is doing her whole righteous indignation, “New Car Smell” thing. She says he’s got to take back his comments about the POWs. There’s a pointed exchange where Carrie says they’re prisoners of war and G’ulom counters that they’re terrorists and OH MY GOD how much heavier could the Brody parallels get?? Anyway, G’ulom is very unconvinced by Carrie’s argument, which basically boils down to “please?” She seethes the whole way back to the CIA station and says her first mean thing to Jenna this episode.

Later on the phone with Saul, she asks if he knew Yevgeny was there. “Of course not,” Saul says, though I’m not really sure I believe him. But apparently they can’t do shit about this as it was part of the terms of Carrie’s release. Which I guess they forgot to mention in her debrief.

Elsewhere in Afghanistan, Max is talking to the DoD’s version of Siri. His Hot Marines give him all a hair tousle, which he hates (obviously), but which also seems to be some sign of good luck. The nice guy in the hat from the last episode notably does not touch his head, so I’m sure he’ll be dead in 2-4 episodes. Apparently the DoD Siri is better than the real thing because he manages to comb through some conversations of Haqqani talking to his son about ending the war. Saul says this is “black and white” evidence, because as we know everything that happens on this show is “black and white.” He’s convinced that if he could just talk to Haqqani, they could end this war together. This is one of Saul’s more insane plans but it will probably work because: Saul.

Back at the CIA, Carrie’s gotten an “anonymous tip” which is basically a name written in large block letters inside an envelope. She manages to use a computer successfully and discovers the name is of a woman who was involved in a government corruption probe that got ~mysteriously~ shut down when it uncovered actual government corruption. How quaint! Anyway, then her husband was killed in a car bomb that was probably meant for her. So she’s justifiably pissed and probably has dirt on G’ulom that Carrie could use.

Carrie proposes to Mike Dunne an operation wherein they pretend to interview her for a job while Carrie breaks into her apartment to find said dirt. Mike Dunne brilliantly suggests Jenna for the operation since apparently Jenna set up a fake NGO with all her downtime on account of not being let outside. Their conversation goes something like this:

Carrie: Wait, just last week you told me Jenna is sort of an idiot. Mike: I said she was stuck in the starting gate. That is a horse racing analogy. Carrie: [raises eyebrows] Mike: We need her idiocy to add a little drama to this otherwise straightforward operation you’ve devised.

Later, Carrie prepares with Jenna:

Carrie: I’m phrasing this next bit as a rhetorical question with an obvious answer, because I don’t actually believe you know the right answer, because you are an idiot. Jenna: I promise I’m not an idiot. Did Mike say I was a fuck-up? Carrie: No, I said that. Jenna: Oh, right. Carrie: Are you not a fuck-up? Jenna: [blank stare]

Meanwhile, Tasneem is observing the transfer of Taliban POWs from Guantanamo, including one who is carted off on a stretcher. Also Saul is nowhere to be found. Between the ambulance and the “where the FUCK is Saul” of it all, this scene has several of the same elements of the iconique ending of “A Red Wheel Barrow.” Like Carrie then, Tasneem knows something is fishy.

…and something definitely is! Saul’s not back in America like Tim Guinee says. He’s with Haqqani’s cousin, one of the released POWs, trying to convince him to hand deliver a letter to Haqqani in exchange for his immediate freedom.

Saul and Haqqani’s cousin arrive in Peshawar, where Saul hands over the letter to Haqqani, which he then reads via voiceover. It’s all very “A False Glimmer.” He pleads with Haqqani to meet with him, claiming “it’s only the men with guns who can make peace.” Which, I guess?

The next day, Carrie’s operation is a go. Samira leaves right on time for the interview with Jenna’s fake NGO and Carrie and her crew easily break into her apartment. They don’t find much, until Carrie notices a burqa with a USB sewn into the hem. Incriminating evidence sewn into fabric that is discovered at the last moment is my FAVORITE device on this show.

Carrie is victorious in her search but Jenna royally fucks up the interview, because she’s an idiot (and a fuck-up, apparently), revealing that she knows about the “audit” Samira took part in. Jenna, you literally had one job! To her credit, Samira realizes what’s going on almost instantly and then takes a photo of Jenna. We have to stan!!

Samira doesn’t get away though. They abduct her and take her back to the CIA station, cuff her, and throw a hood over her head. Carrie is enraged, claiming they’ve just traumatized her all over again and now she definitely won’t talk. After a few seasons of getting a hood thrown over her head, Carrie sympathizes.

She does her best “here’s the lay of the land” with Samira and gets her to tell her the significance of the documents on the USB drive. Samira wants G’ulom arrested and says she can wait two more years, or even twenty, to take down G’ulom. Carrie knows the best they can do is just cut him at the knees by advancing the peace deal. In the end, she convinces her.

Carrie calls Saul from a big abandoned building, location unknown, which is supposed to be an army base. Key phrase: “supposed to be.” Samira’s documents show evidence of an entirely fabricated Afghan Army battalion. That’s right, G’ulom is a scammer! He’s been funneling millions of dollars meant for the Army base into his own pocket for years. Incredulous, Carrie exclaims, “We’ve been enabling this motherfucker for 18 years! What is wrong with us?”

In Rawalpindi, Tasneem pays a visit to her retired stepfather Bunny (last seen in season four). He’s fallen asleep in his massive garden shooting squirrels with a pistol. The neighbors are complaining.

Tasneem: If you took down the bird feeders, the squirrels would stop eating the bird seeds. Bunny: I prefer this. Also, that’s not fair to the birds. Tasneem: Is this a metaphor? [Later] Tasneem: Stepdad, I think Saul is up to no good. If he talks to Haqqani directly, there could be a real breakthrough. Bunny: Unacceptable. We must control everything. Tasneem: How far am I allowed to go then? Bunny: The Americans hate us and our God. Go as fucking far as you please. Tasneem: Coolio, it’s murder time. 

Wearing a nice set of gold bar earrings, Carrie is back in G’ulom’s office, presenting him with a slew of incriminating evidence about his scam. He has two hours to walk back the statements before she shares the papers with his own government, who’d likely have him killed. Finally she has leverage, but G’ulom still manages to give a menacing speech about how peace will be terrible for everyone. Carrie doesn’t relent.

Poor Max has not gotten any alone time at the Army base in Afghanistan, but he has realized that the ISI definitely know that Saul is in Peshawar. Apparently the Taliban does as well. Twist of twists, the ISI aren’t preparing to hit him, they’re preparing to hit Haqqani. Saul yells at the Taliban’s convoy to stop but it’s too late. Amid the panic, Saul is abducted again. I honestly cannot. How many times has this been? This was not the Homeland Greatest Hits I had in mind.

Later, Carrie is stomping her way through the streets of Kabul. She ends up at a bar with the rest of the crew. She says something encouraging to Jenna and orders a “soda water,” both of which are not things I would have expected Carrie to do. Mike Dunne is like, Carrie when the fuck are you gonna leave? Carrie does a cute lil’ shrug and randomly asks where the bathroom is.

That’s right, we needed Carrie alone and somewhat lost because YEVGENY IS BACK. Somehow he looks even hotter than last week. Apparently he gave the anonymous tip, which makes no sense.

Yevgeny: I thought you were gonna thank me. *wink wink* Carrie: I am so confused. Yevgeny: Who else would have done something so nice for you? *wink wink* Carrie: I am maximum confused. Yevgeny: Don’t play dumb. *wink wink* Carrie: I am more confused now than that time I saw a screensaver. Yevgeny: Hey, maybe we could go to Banana Joe’s together? *wink wink* [fades into darkness]

The episode closes somewhat awesomely with Saul, still blindfolded, entering a cement fortress. The blindfold comes off, his beard looks raggedy. I’ve seen this all before. Haqqani walks in. He’s not dead. Saul’s thanking the heavens, and then Haqqani smacks him across the face with a rifle. Cut to black. *chef’s kiss*