#durge could relate if they Remembered.

[the-silly-urge]

bhaal basically made durge kill every source of love they had, until he was the only one able to give them the approval and affection they wanted. but he was never interested in being a father, at least not in that sense. he doesn't care for his child's autonomy, as they are just an extension of himself, a proxy by which to hold his dagger to the world's throat. so much he didn't even bother to know them. he was their whole world, and they were just a few drops of his blood. i'm gonna be sick

[papastarion]

I know everyone has their different takes on Astarion’s character, and what they think his story should look like/what he would or wouldn’t do with his life after the events of the game, and I think they’re all valid. And not everyone is going to like your read or what you want him to pursue or be like after all is said and done. And there’s nothing wrong with that! Could you imagine how boring things would be if we all agreed? I personally love seeing the diversity of takes.

That being said, I am very much a fan of the idea of non-Ascended Astarion starting a family after everything, just me personally. Now, I know that’s a whole can of worms for people who don’t like that concept or who don’t like the idea of kids/pregnancy in their fiction. That’s completely fine. Funnily enough, I have no desire to have my own kids, but I love exploring that sort of lifestyle and the dynamic it creates when it comes to my characters in my own writing.

And I do think he wants kids, in my world state (to borrow a Dragon Age term), anyway.

I always go back to Astarion’s confession, when he says he wants “something real.” All those years where sex and love were nothing but a performance to seduce people and lure them to what he thought was their death. And now, with Tav/Durge, he wants the real thing. He wants to love and be loved.

He says he doesn’t know what “real” looks like anymore, which means he’s got to figure it out. And we know he isn’t much for plans, so that means a lot of what he learns is learned as he goes. That must extend to learning what he wants, too.

“I Want to Live” is the song that is consistently played in relation to his character development (despite being the players song.) Want. For all of those years, he was told by Cazador that he and his fellow spawn were a family. If he doesn’t ascend, then what he desires, and discovering what he wants, and taking what was false for so long and learning what the real version of it looks like to him all come together to make it easy for me to see him enjoying fatherhood.

He wouldn’t be Astarion without that prickly personality of his, but as his relationship with Tav/Durge progresses, you get to see the softness and sweetness he has in him, too. And I believe he really does mean it when he says he wants to protect them. He does genuinely care, as sarcastic and standoffish as he can be. That’s part of his personality and his character arc.

Now, do I think he likes all kids? Not at all. I think he likes certain kids, and for certain reasons. He may not encourage taking in Yenna, but he does insist on saving her from Orin. He seems to have a high opinion of Arabella. It depends on the kid. In a strange way, I think his own personhood being taken from him has made him view kids as more individual than most people tend to.

And I think he would adore his own kids because of who they are. They’re proof of how far he’s come, they’re proof that he’s alive and he’s living and that Cazador didn’t win in the end. He’s here. He won. He’s growing past everything.

And, most importantly: they’re his kid(s.)

Do I think he’s ever considered having children prior to having one, even before he was turned? I doubt it, honestly. But especially prior to his vampirism, I don’t think it matters whether he did or not. He can’t remember what color his eyes were, let alone what he wanted or who he was. And it doesn’t matter, he makes that much clear. He isn’t that person anymore, and he won’t ever get to be them again. So whether he had thought about children specifically or not, whether he wanted them or not, I don’t think that matters to him anymore.

He never saw himself as a hero, either, but he’s a Hero of Baldur’s Gate now. He cares. In his own way. And he defines and does things his own way in his life now. He’s still not your stereotypical hero, but he’s also no longer your stereotypical vampire. He wouldn’t be Astarion if he was easy to define. And after everything, he is still Astarion. He’s complex, and he can be quite contradictory and inconsistent. That’s both part of his personality and a result of the 200 years of trauma he survived, I think.

And again, he’s also not one for plans. I don’t think he considers being a father until Tav/Durge is telling him that he’s going to be one. And that kind of life-changing news can rattle even the people who have planned for it and wanted it their whole lives. Sure, I think it takes some getting used to, and I’m sure there are complex feelings that come with it. Rediscovering yourself and building a life are never easy. Living isn’t easy.

But this is another part of the life he’s living—really living. This isn’t the mockery Cazador forced the spawn to play pretend in, it’s a real family, his family. And I think that means everything to the person he chooses to be now.

[astarionconsort]

A!Astarion as a dad? Ascendant Dadstarion?

I think both spawn and ascendant Astarion are not dad material, Astarion is a man who is not equipped to be a parent and has far too many issues to begin with. So it has to be his consort who wanted/demanded that they should have children, and not random people that Astarion will turn to be his minions but real children that they'll raise together

Well I suppose his children will be vampire as well, either they were turned into spawns from early age, or they were his biological child, or maybe he has both adopted and biological children

My general thought about A!Astarion as a father (because this is ascended focused blog)

Astarion will be the type of a busy dad who placate his children with toys and money. He's too busy plotting and expanding his influence in Faerun to be an attentive father, so he'll spoil his children as a compensation. He will be confused when his children are upset because their father doesn't give them enough attention, because he did give them everything a child could ever asked, right? They should be happy!

Nope, he's not going to deal with the matter of changing diapers and his children will have an army of vampire spawns nannies to tend to their needs. Although he's struggling with being a father, he won't trust outsiders that he cannot control to be near his kids. Too much risk

He would be more than happy to teach his children about vampirism and how to fight. Astarion would drilled the rule of vampire hierarchy and the importance of power into their heads. Insisting that power and loyalty to the family are the only thing that matters

Although he's a parent who encouraged ambition and he will be proud of his children achievements, they must remember that father will always be the stronger vampire and they shouldn't ever dreamed of overthrowing him

His children won't suffer from hunger and none of them shall ever know the taste of animal blood. ESPECIALLY NOT RAT. Rat is banned in the Ancunin household. Only premium quality blood for little Ancunins, and he doesn't care if his children murdered fiends or innocent people. After all a lion doesn't concern themselves with the opinions of the sheep

Tav/durge must be the attentive parent here because Astarion has 0 idea wtf he's doing

He's the cool dad who enabled the kids' impulses so long it won't ruin his plan

He'll throw the best birthday parties for his kids! A grand masquerade, fancy garden soirees, renting the circus for the whole day, you name it. Anything to make the kids happy and to show off the Ancunin family's wealth

Astarion is not an ideal father and he has difficulty forming genuine emotional bond. But he's trying. Taking them to an awkward 'fishing with dad' (it can be any activity, it doesn't have to be fishing) where he'll try to relate with his offspring (insert how do you do fellow kids moment) but he's trying guys... He's trying

[animentality]

No no listen okay the way I've had brainrot about Durge having Gortash flashbacks especially in relation to small things

Like that perfumed letter? Like imagine the smell being familiar to Durge, Durge remembering the look of the bottle on a table. The smell of it on the collar of a familiar dark jacket

I'm so normal

I wish you could maybe catch a whiff of oil or smokepowder, and then get a flashback or a memory of like, sitting in a workshop, poring over mechanical designs as someone just behind you is tinkering away, but no matter how much you turn, you just cant get a glimpse of their face...

but then you walk into Wyrm's Rock and his smell... oh his smell brings back those dreams...

or maybe you only get it in the steel watch foundry, but still.

[eldritchelfwriter]

A few Shadowheart Begins story-related screenshots, for fun

So the next chapter, I can't remember what number I'm even up to, is still cooking away. Here's some screenshots, just for fun, from my Florwyn playthrough that I actually still haven't quite finished (interrupted it with a completed durge playthrough).

Florwyn started off as me just being ridiculously excited to try out the storm sorcerer class, and whipping up an elvish-sounding name in literally two seconds. (Confirm, sorcerer is the most fun I have had so far, having played gloomstalker ranger, paladin, monk and cleric on different runs).

To start with, I made her an extra pale goth wearing black clothing once I could get dark dyes, and very black and heavy eye make up that I gradually toned down over the game as a sign of her 'development.' She didn't have a backstory, and I had no idea she'd end up lending her name and a few other attributes such as her pale grey eyes to a story.

Just don't take her facial features, hair and things to heart as game Florwyn and story Florwyn are not really the same.

Florwyn approaching Jaheira to train her

'Lessons' with Jaheira

Deciding whether to face her fear

Just thinking about how much wizards suck

Communication is key

Kissing is also very key

[fkitwebhaal]

Tumblr Version Fic: Reflection/Refraction

Ship: Durge/Astarion

Fandom: BG3

Warnings: Astarion's backstory refs

Rating: T

AO3

Summary: 

Astarion had used a disguise self scroll before, he knew this wasn’t part of the spell.  “Are you impersonating me?” Astarion couldn’t help the glee that appeared on his face. Or Astarion sees his own reflection via unconventional methods. He sees more than he thought he would.

Fic below the cut:

The day after they finished clearing out the Goblin camp, Astarion watched their leader come back from an outing only to head straight to his tent. 

Astarion hadn’t been pleased to be left behind that morning. Sure, he hadn’t wanted to explore depths of the abandoned Selune temple, but he didn’t want to risk being written off as useless in their merry little band. He’d spent the day trying to make himself useful, collecting herbs that looked familiar and repairing his own gear; things he thought would be seen as productive. If he’d spent an hour or two basking in the sun just to enjoy it, neither Karlach or Gale commented on it.

He was relieved to see everyone return in one piece, especially Rune, who for some insane reason, was willing to lend him blood when it was needed. As their leader got closer, Astarion eyed them closely. They looked mostly intact despite the blood stains on their robes and a bit of webbing in their hair. Their expression was focused, brow crinkled like they were thinking about something a little too hard. Astarion wondered if said expression was related to himself. 

Astarion wasn’t quite sure what to make of the amnesiac sorcerer yet. This was worrisome because it was looking increasingly likely that they’d be his best gambit to seduce for his safety. Most of the camp had begun to pair up besides Gale and Rune, and if Astarion had to pick between the two magical disasters, he’d go for the one that had edible blood first. 

It wasn’t that he didn’t like Rune. Despite his better instincts, he found himself almost fond of them. Part of him was tempted to blame that feeling on the fact they were feeding him their blood, but he knew that wasn’t it. Well, it wasn’t the only reason, at least. They were straightforward when it came to solving problems, and while Astarion disliked their tendency to take up any call for aid, they at least weren’t so foolish as to refuse payment for it. Their plans were well thought out. Rune wasn’t adverse to sticky fingers or honeyed lies if they thought it would keep their merry band in one piece, but was reluctant to use the same tactics on the members of the party. He found their interest in books to be after his own heart, their agitated grumbling when they stumbled across a plot point they found nonsensical almost charming. And despite his fangs, despite the fact they’d woken up to find him trying to take a bite out of their neck, Rune had never looked at him like he was a monster. 

No, it wasn’t that he didn’t like Rune. It was more that he had no idea what to make of them. How did one reconcile a person who could easily lie to an enemy about their intentions with the same person who didn’t even bother to hide the fact they’d butchered an innocent bard? How did one piece together a person out of such opposite actions? Astarion had learned a lot about their party in the last tendays, but he wasn’t foolish enough to believe he was the only one who was hiding more secrets close to the chest. For all their apparent lack of deceit when it came to members of their own ranks, there was clearly more going on with Rune than any of them knew.

All things considered, he didn’t know that much about Rune. This would have concerned him less if he didn’t have the feeling that Rune also knew so little about themselves. They hadn’t even remembered a name to go by when he’d first met them. What if they made it to the city and found they had a life where protecting a vampire was too complex a complication? Or worse, what if they knew Cazador? 

A part of Astarion, the part that was fond the human who’d smiled after one of more bawdy jokes, wanted to believe that there was no way Rune could know Cazador. The rest of Astarion, who’d spent 200 years watching people who wore charming masks in public to become monsters in private, knew better.

“Something occurred to me.” Astarion snapped out of his dire predictions to see Rune standing in front of him. They didn’t appear to be deep in thought anymore, instead a more hesitant expression on their face. Not nervous, maybe unsure? Astarion forced a smile on his face and sunk back into the role of a charming rake. 

“Oh? Do tell.” He leaned forward and tried to ignore the smell of spider guts on their clothing. “Is it about me?” 

Rune nodded. “You wanted to see your reflection, right?”

Astarion’s mind went blank for a moment. That was…well, Astarion wasn’t sure they remembered that. It was a few days ago he tried that stunt with the mirror, fishing for compliments in the hopes to catch someone on the hook. Rune had been the only one of their companions to comment on it much more than a passing observation, but Astarion hadn’t thought it went as he planned, given they pointed out his apparent laugh lines before anything else. He tore himself from the memory and took another step closer to the sorcerer, placing a finger on their chest. It was a bit much, but given how their pulse picked up, it did the trick. 

“Yes, I did. Don’t tell me you’re secretly an artist, darling.” He doubted it. The last time Astarion stole their journal, he’d found a whole page that listed edible plants. Next to each plant was a horrendous sketch trying to depict the leaves. If Rune couldn’t draw a flower, Astarion doubted they could draw a person. 

“I have an idea,” the sorcerer said, holding up their hand to bat his gently aside. “Of a way you could see what you look like. Two ideas actually.” Astarion began to object but they cut him off. “And not with the tadpole.”

The tadpole had come up as an option during that same conversation regarding his reflection. Astarion had refused the offer to see himself though another’s eyes. He claimed he couldn’t trust their eyesight, which was a useful lie. In reality, he wasn’t sure he could endure seeing himself through the filtered perspective of those who looked at him with desire. “Well, I’m intrigued. Tell me more.”

“The first is a minor illusion spell. It’s a simple cantrip, but it should give you a general idea.”

Astarion wasn’t sure what he thought about that. A minor illusion would do the trick, absolutely, but that minor illusion would be crafted by Rune. Whatever image Rune cast for him would not be his true reflection, merely a simulacrum of however Rune saw him. It wouldn’t have the emotional overlap that the tadpoles risked, but Astarion was sick of seeing himself through the eyes of others.  “And the other?”

“Disguise self. Same idea, just a little more solid.” 

Now that caught Astarion’s attention. A disguise self spell likely carried the same concerns as minor illusion, but the spell was more intended to make a disguise, rather than represent a caster’s artistic whims. There was a chance it would be more accurate as long as Rune made themselves look like Astarion as he was now.

“It wouldn’t be perfect,” Rune continued. “I’m taller than you, so the height would be wrong, but otherwise, I think it should work.” They looked at Astarion and shrugged. “If you’re interested, I could-“

“Could we do it now?” Astarion asked before he even truly thought the offer over. Oh Gods, did he sound almost eager? He was getting sloppy. If Rune noticed, they didn’t comment on it, instead gesturing off towards the woods. 

“Sure. I should have enough energy. Wanna try it in the clearing back there?”

Astarion stilled. Why did they want to go to the clearing of all places? Was this their weird idea of a seduction attempt? Astarion hoped not. “Why, want to see the whole package?”

Rune shook their head, then gestured to the rest of their camp. “…I thought you might want some privacy to see your face after all this time. Well, as much as you can, given I need to be there.”

Huh. Well, that was a relief. Astarion added two traits to his mental list about Rune. The first was thoughtful. The second was foolish. He gestured for Rune to walk ahead of him, and fell into step behind them.

“Willing to walk off with a vampire alone?” He clucked his tongue as they walked into the foliage. “I can’t believe you’re our leader when you have absolutely no sense of preservation.”

Rune turned around to look at him. Astarion couldn’t help but notice how the light filtered through the trees to hit  their neck right over his last bite mark.

 “I’m not scared of you,” Rune said.

“Have my charms gotten under your skin, perhaps?”

Rune stared at him, like he’d said something nonsensical. After a beat, they turned their gaze back in front of them. Astarion almost didn’t hear their reply. 

 “I’m more dangerous than you are, that’s all.”

Astarion huffed, feeling both insulted and off put. He wasn’t sure if he should write that comment up as them being arrogant, or unsettling. Perhaps both. 

A minute of walking later, they made it into the clearing. Astarion stood back as Rune walked into the center of the space and shook out their hands, like they were trying to wade off any magical accidents. After a moment, they said an incantation. Astarion watched as someone entirely different appeared in front of him. A high elf, with an angular jaw, pale skin, white curly hair, and a lithe figure. Someone who was both familiar and entirely new.

“I know it’s not the same as a reflection,” Rune said, their voice adopting the same cadence as Astarion’s, though the pitch was still Rune’s. “But I thought it would at least give you an idea.”

Astarion couldn’t stop staring. He had cobbled together a general idea of what he looked like using both his memory and what he could see, but he’d never truly been able to reconcile each piece of information he had into a whole picture. He knew he was good looking, people told him that plenty, but there was so much more to notice that no one had ever bothered to point out. Were his red eyes always as sharp and clever looking? Did some of his curls always pop out just behind his ears, raising up to protest against gravity, or was that when he’d slept on them wrong? Was Rune being honest when they’d complimented him on the laugh lines he could finally now see?

He couldn’t say any of this out loud of course. Instead, he fell back on something safe, something expected. He was proud of himself when his voice sounded only a little unsteady. “I really am quite good looking, aren’t I?”

“As if there was any doubt,” Rune said, their posture and tone changing further. Astarion watched as they walked around him. It was different then the way Rune walked normally, more of a confident prowl than the upright rigid stance Rune often favored. Astarion had used a disguise self scroll before, he knew this wasn’t part of the spell. 

“Are you impersonating me?” Astarion couldn’t help the glee that appeared on his face.

“It’s not a proper mirror if I don’t get the affect right,” Rune said, their voice falling back into their usual rhythm. 

“It’s not bad.” That was a lie. Astarion hadn’t seen his own reflection in over 200 years, but he knew how he moved in theory and he could hear his own voice. He knew enough to know Rune’s impression was quite good for someone he’d only known a few tendays. They were a good liar, though he knew that already. “Have you been planning to take my place in some gambit, or have you just been paying close attention to my person?”

“It can be both,” Rune said from behind him, lips near his ear and damn, they even got the purr in his voice right. Maybe Astarion’s attempts to seduce them had more promise than he hoped, if they’d kept that close an eye on his person. “Tactically it can be useful to make the enemy think you’re in two places at once.” The second sentence they said in their impression of Astarion’s voice. It sounded so out of place Astarion chuckled. 

“Talking like that gives you away.”

Rune stopped in front of him. They were no longer trying to impersonate how Astarion moved, and Astarion noted they seemed relaxed. He couldn’t remember them ever being this at ease. “That’s why you have to pay attention to how people talk to really get it right. Also posture. Watch,” Rune cleared their throat and stood up straighter. With amused horror, Astarion watched as they pushed the white curls on their head back in a manner that would have ruined the coils were they not the product of an illusion. When they spoke next, their tone was more formal and stilted, with an almost academic undertone and oh Gods-

“You see, the spell disguise self is merely visual. Should a caster wish to accomplish a more compelling act of deception, they must either use a more powerful spell, or be a skilled enough thespian to properly make up for the gaps in the spells limitations.” Astarion gaped at Rune as they tilted their head, an expression crossing their face that looked wrong on Astarion’s countenance. “Of course, changing one’s voice is a difficult task, regardless of acting ability-“

Astarion stared at himself, both impressed and horrified. While the voice was off by a pitch or two, there was no mistaking a lecture that could have come right from Gale. Rune held up one of Astarion’s perfectly manicured fingers while they continued, much like Gale had yesterday when informing the party about the perils of hags.

“But should one manage to study their subjects mannerisms and behaviors with dedication-“ 

“If you say one more thing in that tone while wearing my face, I will drain you dry,” Astarion hissed, the threat obviously hyperbole. He thought he should perhaps be upset, that they’d decided to show off their impressions while he was witnessing his own face for the first time in centuries, but for some reason, he found it reassuring rather than crass. They weren’t treating him like something fragile, or worse, like this moment was a special gift that they’d expect him to repay with interest. Instead, it came off as a casual gesture of goodwill, thoughtful but not expected to be remarked upon by more than one sharing a waterskin.  

Rune dropped their hand and swung both their arms, taking on a posture that looked far too relaxed on Astarion’s own face. When they spoke, their voice was too low to pass entirely for Karlach, but the pacing was spot on. “Well, I mean, it’s just fucking cool, how much you can do. Bit freaky too, I guess, but mostly fucking cool. Right Fangs?”

“Gods below, that’s unsettling,” Astarion said, but he was clapping regardless. “Can you do that with everyone?”

“I can’t get Lae’zel’s accent quite right. And she has a growl with some words I can’t do. But I’ve been trying just in case. It could be useful to have people paying attention to me instead of her in a fight.”

“Yes, directing fire to the one in robes instead of the one in armor; tactically brilliant indeed,” Astarion said dryly. “Get back to your impersonation of me, I was rather enjoying it.”

Rune continued on their impression for a few minutes. At one point, Astarion got the idea that they should try to mirror him directly, and they ended up standing across from one another as Rune attempted to mimic his movements. They did a decent job except for when he started spinning a dagger in his hands; Rune’s hands shook too much trying to hold the blade to even hold it. Astarion got the impression the failure wasn’t due to clumsiness, but he didn’t push.

“You know, darling,” Astarion said, leaning in forward in a way he knew was seductive. “While you can’t perfectly mimic my clever fingers, that doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy them.”

Rune leaned in the same way he had, fluttering their lashes a bit. Their mouth curved up into a smirk as they began to speak, and something about it churned Astarion’s gut. Before they could say another word, he cut them off.

“Stop smiling like that.”

“Like what?” Rune titled their head, dropping their rather impressive impersonation of Astarion. They still looked like him, but that expression on their face was entirely Rune’s. 

“Like-“ He thought back to the smirk he’d seen on himself. It was supposed to be his seductive look, of that he was sure, but the corners of his mouth stretched a little too wide, like fishhooks were dug into each corner. It wasn’t easy to tell, Astarion could easily see why people would fall for it, but his red eyes looking far off gave it away. 

Did he always make that expression like it was forced on his face?

Rune was still staring at him. Astarion struggled for what to say; he couldn’t exactly tell Rune his objection to the expression, less he give up his entire scheme. What was he going to say? “I could see you mimic me trying to manipulate you and I hated everything about myself for it?” He couldn’t. 

“Just-forget it,” he grumbled. 

Rune looked at him for a moment, then took a step back, giving him space. “Mind if I drop the spell? It’s almost dinner.”

Thank the Gods for that. “Might as well.” 

Astarion watched as they made a quick gesture and the spell fell, leaving the human sorcerer back to their normal self. As they began to walk back towards camp, he managed to find his mental footing again. He reached out and grabbed their wrist and they turned to look up at him.

“Thank you,” Astarion said. “For this. Truly.” At least he could be honest about this. At least there were still some truths that were safe to tell. They smiled back at him, and pulled their arm from his grip.

“You’re welcome,” they said. “If you want me to do it again, I can as long as you wait until the end of the day to make sure I have enough energy.”

Astarion thought about that hollow smile again and shook his head. “I think I might prefer the mirror image next time, actually. I don’t want you worn out on my account. At least, not for something so trite.”

Rune stopped walking and turned towards him. They stepped forward and for a moment, Astarion thought they might reach out and touch him. They didn’t, instead fixing him with an intent stare. “I don’t think being able to see yourself is trite.”

Astarion knew what he should do in this situation if he wanted to work towards his planned seduction. He should say something about how they’d “clearly understood the importance of his beauty” or how “of course it isn’t with a face like this.” Turn up the charm, place on the mask, put on the show. But the act didn’t come. Instead, he just nodded once, not saying a word, and watched as they turned back around to leave the clearing. He didn’t move until they were out of sight, swallowed by the trees and bushes in front of him.

“Huh,” he said once they were gone, looking down at his hands. He reached up with his left and ran his thumb across his mouth, following the curve there and mentally mapping out his own expression. He couldn’t know for certain, but in his mind he could see an open soft smile across his own face. The kind of smile that looked genuine.

He dropped his hand, putting the mental image out of mind. He was being absurd; he had an act to maintain. He couldn’t get soft now. With that thought, he straightened his shoulders and left the clearing himself.

The thought of what that expression on his face might look like, came with him.

[alicelufenia]

In celebration of the BG3 anniversary, I thought I'd relive some memories from my first run

Last thing done in act 1. In hindsight I could have at least arrived earlier, and gotten to meet the dream visitor a few times before everything goes down, but hey.

Heeey Dream Visitor Crystal Exarch! (and yes she would)

I think the likeness is pretty good all things considered. For Durge!Alice run I'm doing something different, but this proved to be real funny later.

I know I'm not the only one to notice this, right? Anyway I'll definitely be using this detail in my fanfic... Especially since Durge!Alice wakes up in the Nautiloid with her oath broken, and no memory of even what it was, so any bond she can share with a fellow paladin over oaths lost, of course I'm gonna delve into that!

Speaking of Oathbreaker...

Hahaha! Silly Tav!Alice. This is why you break your oath BEFORE agreeing to raid the grove! Choking like that in front of the raid leader, embarrassing. I expected better of my FFXIV main.

Dark Knight unlocked.

^ The backup save I made before deciding whether to go through with the raid or not.

The original plan was for Alice to fight on the grove's side after restoring her oath, with a level of Shadow Sorcerer to represent the darkness that seeped into her heart.

Instead:

"You're mad. How did I not see it...?"

Told ya it would be funny.

Listen, past Alice: Yes. Yes it was all worth it and you'll do it again.

For some reason she has her eyes open here, I'm pretty sure that changes in a future patch (maybe the one where her intro cutscene changes too? I don't remember)

I had just gotten the Dream Visitor scene where they explain the True Souls are being controlled right before this, so the continuity really helped this scene.

oh nuuuuuu

🗡️Find me a more iconic shot of Minthara than this, you wont🗡️

The game just loves to keep giving the Evil-aligned characters the wettest puppy eyes, it's genuinely much appreciated.

Yeah I said it, Tavs/Durges who raid the grove are Evil-aligned, at least at the time, I'm not delusional and never said it was a bad thing either :p

Wow that was a journey. There's a reason it's still one of, if not my favorite questline in the game.

HahaHAA! Oh you poor naive girl, you had no idea didn't you

Seriously though, imagine going on to kill her after all that. Unhinged behavior imo, can't relate

Yeaaaah no, fuck that noise, fuck them druids, and fuck them tieflings too. I'm ride or die now.

It would take me another 2 weeks before finally continuing though, during which I started and halted three other playthroughs on different characters, and none of it stuck. I knew I had to see where this would take me.

Thus, my journey would continue with Alice, and the rest is now history.

[kittlesandbugs]

BG3: Sights preferred unseen Characters: Astarion POV, Dark Urge (Nox), Alfira Warnings: Alfira is not having a great night at camp, all warnings related to that apply... and throw in some eroticism of gore for extra funsies Word Count: 805 Prompt: from @sidestepping to write about one character peeping on another character's sleep. Took a little liberty to use a tranced Durge as almost the same thing. I refuse believe there's no way Astarion didn't see or hear something while Alfira was getting gutted in the middle of camp, he doesn't fucking sleep lol. So... this happened.

The scent of fresh blood tickles your nose. Sweet thick sentient blood. Rousing. Almost arousing. Gods, you practically ache to feel it coating your tongue, slithering down your throat. You are so very, very hungry. The boar you'd hunted earlier in the eve sated, but it was far from satisfying. 

It takes you a moment to remember where you are, still unused to open air camping after two centuries kept. You startle from your meditative torpor, looking around for the source. The rest of the camp seems quiet. You don't seem to be under attack. But someone should have screamed, right? Or cried for assistance. The person bleeding, if no one else. Your sensitive heightened ears would have caught it. 

But then they catch a whimper. You look around, straining for more. 

“Shhh, shhhh, shhh, hush now…”  

You hear the quiet croon, soft and smoky voiced. Something about the tone sends a shiver crawling down your spine. You've heard something similar before, trapped in the dank and the dark of Cazador's mansion. You nervously swallow down saliva pooling under your tongue as you slowly, so slowly, look toward the flickering embers of the dying campfire. Nox is there, broad back and freckle-flecked shoulders hunched, kneeling over something. 

No… Someone… 

“Such a pretty girl…” she murmurs and you realize she's straddling the bard, Alfira. Her spindly arms are pinned under Nox's broadly muscular thighs. One meaty hand is clamped tight over the bard's mouth, muffling her desperate sounds. The other is caressing one of her long spiraling horns. The gesture is tender and loving, but the blood oozing down Alfira's face in the firelight says this is anything but. 

“It's been so long since Father had such a lovely little gift.” She leans down to lick the trail of blood on the bard's cheek, and your stomach curdles as similarly suffered tortures flit across the back of your mind. 

The bard struggles helplessly like a butterfly in a cruel child's hands, and you don't dare move lest those hands turn to you and rip off your metaphorical wings as well. But she can't even begin to dislodge Nox's inhumanly strong bulk pinning her down. You aren't certain anyone could. 

“Shhhhhhhh…” Nox croons again, and then the sudden sharp crack of bone makes you flinch, and the bard release a muffled scream. Her fist rises, a long black twisted horn clenched tightly inside it. 

You clamp a hand over your own mouth and swallow down the bile threatening to come up. You should help. Wake the others. Save the girl. But you can't. If that blackened half-gaze turns its way towards you, you're certain you'll die. 

You all will. 

The bard is a necessary lamb to sate whatever is demanding this slaughter. 

“Father embraces you…” she murmurs, leaning in close to Alfira's tear-stained bloody face.  “None will escape…”

The tip of the horn traces the bard's jugular with loving care not at all fitting the atrocity on the other side of the campfire. The sudden burst of iron fills your nostrils as her jugular splits. The bard's suffering will be over soon. 

With any luck, yours won't be beginning. You turn away and curl up, feigning sleep once more. 

A quiet manic giggle tickles your ears, along with the wet meaty sounds of the bard's body being stabbed over and over again. By her own horn, most likely. A soft moan verging on orgasmic almost makes you retch on your bedroll. You hear the sounds of something dragging across the dirt, but when you peek once more, the body is exactly where it was, surrounded by its own blood soaking the dirt. 

And then it's like the strings are cut on a puppet. Nox slumps, stills, and gasps awake. In the glimmering embers, her eyes dart around with confusion. To the body. Her hands, coated in the ill-fated bard's crimson blood. Back to the body. She drags a red hand down her face with a groan. 

“What… happened…?” she murmurs softly, her voice far too calm for the atrocity before her. “Did I do this?”

She scrubs her face again and lets out a frustrated sigh, no apparent answers forthcoming to her. You wonder if whatever possessed her is the cause of her amnesia. But you aren't getting up to ask, lest you trigger a new fit of murder to eliminate the witness to her brutality. 

Instead you watch as she trudges back to her bedroll and flops down on her back, making no effort at all to clean up or hide her atrocity. You wonder how the others will react to it come sun up, having blissfully slept through the slaughter in the center of their camp. 

You won't be getting any more rest tonight, that much is certain. 

And if anyone asks… you saw nothing. 

[sorcerous-caress]

Honestly your blog is the only BG3 blog I check daily. (Dam you- for having me check tumblr everyday now)

Now for an ask. What do you think Selunite!Shadowheart- Were!shadowheart, Minthara and Gale (bonus Karlach) would react to a Dark Urge Tav who has apparently an insane questionable and despicable past (regarding the in game apparent sexual relation to Orin and necrophelia unfortunately, which mind blown from a player perspective)

- undecided anon

-

This actually means a lot to me that you're interested enough in my thoughts and writing to check it out every day <3 as much as it feals like I'm yelling into the void sometimes, it's nice to remember there are actual people on the other end in the void who are silently listening.

Thank you for telling me this, words genuinely fail me when it comes to describing how these small comments make me happy.

Now, mention of dark topics below cut

Including Necrophilia, Incest, Exhibition, Gore, Murder, Torture, Body fluids, Animal abuse, and Vivisections

Durge is genuinely unhinged. Through all the flashbacks and hints we see of their past through the game, one is more horrible than the last.

They dunked their butler's head into the open bladder of the guy they were preforming a vivisection on and choked him in their piss because he made a mistake. Source from the noblestalk flashback.

The sexual implications of their relationship with Gortash, a tyrant who killed and enslaved endless people. I don't recall the Orin implications but taking your words on it, it would kind of be considered incest since she is also a bhaalspawn. She is even a product of incest herself.

They have a long history of animal abuse and mistreatment, too. They aren't below preying on souls weaker than them. The cat on the rooftop in moonrise towers who mentions how Durge kicked her a lot, also the squirrel in act 1.

What they did to Alfira too.

Shadowheart, Minthara, and maybe arguably Karlach have a dark past. All of them have murdered and tortured people in the past.

Minthara

Minthara is the most extreme out of them. Not only did she participate in the cruel nature of drow culture, but also the fact she doesn't exactly see anything wrong with it. Yes, her crimes, her own crimes, not the ones she was brainwashed to commit, pale in comparison to Durge, but it still would make any sane good person turn away from her.

She doesn't react much to Durge's cruelty through the game. If anything, she encourages it and at times turned on by it. I don't think she would encourage Necrophilia and incest but those might be her only hard no. The rest like gore and turtore is not a deal breaker to her.

Minthara is the companion that Durge could be the most free with when it comes to following their dark urges. As long as they don't hold the knife to her own throat. She does think it is freaky and weird of Durge but she is used to freaky and weird from drow culture.

Her moral compass does exist. It's mostly evil. Her only deal breakers are when you betray her own trust, if you hurt other people she doesn't care.

She used to be in love with Orin, even worshipping her. Ingame. But Orin betrayed her trust so Minthara loathed her from that day on.

Although I have a feeling that she condems needless cruelty, sure, sate your appetite, but don't let it consume you. If you can't seize control over your own urges when it matters, then how are you any different from a frenzied mutt? Control yourself and prove to her you are a sane person and she will stay with you.

Shadowheart

Back in her Sharran days, she admits to torturing and breaking prople. She lied and manipulated do many people to get her way and to serve Shar.

It would be hypocritical of her to judge you on your past, no matter how much darker it is than hers in comparison. Especially a Selunite Shadowheart who would feel like she owes her life to you interference back at the nightsong confrontation.

But a Selunite Shadowheart wouldn't indulge your dark urges, she will only forgive your past. If you still seek bloodlust then either let her help you through it, or both of you can go your separate ways.

That's only after the ending tho, during your travel days, she will turn a blind eye to your gorey displays and chalk it up to the cruel road you've faced. She will give you the benfit of the doubt until the city is saved.

Her parents still had hope in her seeing the truth one day and waking up, so she tries to extend the same courtesy to you for as much as she can.

A Werewolf Shadowheart would fall into the same category if she had ended up a Selunite. Although being a werewolf and all, she will relate to your struggle more than normal Shadowheart ever could. She also has urges that steer her to darker thoughts and desires that she battles everyday, the two of you can get through this together.

Karlach

Now her case is...very speical. Technically, she committed no sins or crimes on her own because she was enslaved during her time fighting in the demon wars. Yet still she killed many, she has never developed an appetite for blood because of it.

She doesn't shy away from killing tho, it's an average everyday thing for her now. She will kill and fight if she had to in order to survive.

But, because she has lived among demons, even got almost close to befriending one, she has seen much worse than anything Durge could've ever done.

Incest and Necrophilia barely scratch the surface of what devils get down to. Let alone the humiliation and truely sickening things they force upon their victims. Karlach bared witness to all of that.

She wants Durge to change, not to end up like these devils. She reassures them that they are better than this, that they have the strength to change and not go down this disgusting road.

She isn't phased by it like Minthara, but unlike Minthara, she never endorsed or participated in the cruelty around her.

I think she'll have a heart to heart with Durge about it. Try to get them to see people as real people with souls and emotions, not just cattle for slaughter.

A single life is very precious, especially to someone like her who was robbed of their own life. She will never forgive Durge for robbing an innocent person out of their life.

But she would definitely freak out over the Gortash relationship thing, because more of personal reasons. You fell in love with that monster as he is? The same man who robbed her of her own heart and betrayed her trust? She would genuinely break down.

Gale

He is a very very speical case.

Gale is naive in a way. Not to infantilise him, but he tends to view the world through rose colored lenses. Part to being human, another part to having lived in the lap of luxury and privilege.

Gale saw the best of what the world had to offer, Gale fell in love with a zealous benevolent goddess who's good alligned, Gale was isolated in one of the richest cities in Faerun with rich scholars for friends.

Gale thought Minthara was just misunderstood when he met her.

He is aware of good and evil, he just has such a distorted view of evil that he never recognises it when it's face to face with him. He forgets that evil people can be charming, beautiful and funny and they might just be his own friends.

In his world view, he is good, therefore anything and everything he interacts with willingly must be good.

He is delusional.

And it doesn't help that life and sheer luck only encouraged his delusions, only soldified his views that bad people can be quelled by ordering everyone a shot at the tavren and that no one truly would wish to harm someone else given the chance right?

He will make endless excuses for Durge's past. So many far-fetched justifications to fit you into the box of good people he keeps in his orbit.

That is, if Durge never confronts him with their present urges to still participate in bloodshed.

Otherwise he will just downplay your confessions of guilt and brush off your unsettling comments. Always going the extra mile to give you all the benfits to the doubt.

Unless you make him face the cold truth reality in the form of a slaughtered grove of innocent people.

Even then, while he particpated, his delusions still make excuses for you, telling him there must be a reason for all of this, he just has to have faith in you.

Ans in the aftermath when it's just him and you, kneedeep in gore at camp. He revolts at the sight of you, sneers and glares into your face. Fully blaming everything on YOU. That YOU must be corrupting him, fully driving his agenda that he is good and will always be good! It's you who is responsible for his own actions.

It's also these delusions of him being a good person that inflate his ego enough to let him persure the crown of Karsus, that makes him think he is beyond the corruption of greed while simultaneously blaming any and all of his actions that he doesn't like onto Durge and saying they must've corrupted him.

He isn't just ignorant, he is choosing to remain ignorant.

Durge can manipulate a power hungry Gale into staying with them even while they openly bathe in the remains of corpses. If they feed into his delusions.

[daemon-in-my-head]

1 and 7 for the new asks 😊

Thank you those are the spiciest ones lmfao. Answering my latest abomination.

1. Your hottest Durgetash take. The kinda heat Gortash had to endure in HoH. (But be respectful about it fellas, this means everyone)

I mean this in the nicest, most respectful way possible, but: the durge story line in game is absolute and utter trash I'm so sorry. The absolute lack of reactions from ur companions, the fact that there's no consequences from them except Wyll and the 2 guys you met literally 5 minutes ago, the sudden shift of tone in Act 3 when Durge remembers who they r and immediately goes 'I'm daddy's lil princess and yall can smd'. It's just infuriating atp. Like I love Durge and I do appreciate the vagueness cuz it allows for a lot of topics to be brought up but none of them r really tackled by a game thats praised for handling trauma in a tactful manner. They're made to be the laughing stock and comedic relief and honestly it's just distasteful when you recall that a lot of ppl with certain types of trauma or addiction issues can so greatly relate to them. There was a lot of dark shit they could've expressed with that origin. And they did. But it was cannibalism and necrophilia for the sake of sensationalism and slapstick comedy.

As for Gort it's the remote work I've talked about b4 lmao. They rly just banished the most powerful political leader of the Gate from the Gate and made him work remotely from a shabby fortress outside of the city he's ruling. I know why they did it, I can understand it, but it's still hilarious and probs a hot take cuz like yk that man wouldn't reside there if it wasn't for the scrapping of the upper city.

7. Would Orins premature death have impacted them and their dynamic? How? Why? Why not?

Okay, so first up, there's smth ya need to know to understand this. Elli had a sister, and even if they weren't blood related he considered his foster family to be his, well, family and loved them. And that man, at least pre tadpole, is pretty much aware of what happened when the urge awakened and how he's the very thing he couldn't protect his treasured people from, despite that being his greatest desire.

So in other words, he's 10000% projecting the sister he's killed onto Orin. He's lenient with her and protective over her. To him, she's the sister he could and will save. She's the last bit of family and treasured people he has left. So if anything were to happen to her, he'd snap. Because that man is utterly traumatised and he simply wouldn't be able to deal with another loss like that, but he's also the type to run away so he'd just become the perfect pretty puppet Bhaal would've always wanted and simply cease to exist as a person, wholly devoting himself to the plan just so he can escape this dreadful hell he's forced to live in ASAP. Which, in turn, would also destroy everything Gortash enjoyed about him. Elli would remove himself to the best of his ability and simply become someone following orders without thinking, smth Gortash enjoys in everyone but his equal, which would cause him to withdraw as well. They'd just kinda get miserable by themselves again, completely terminating whatever was before. Cuz Gort can't see Elli breaking to such a degree thx of his own issues and him being a permanent reminder that Gort himself isn't safe even after everything, and Elli simply has 0 capacity for any sort of attachments left. 'If he's gonna lose them anyway, might as well not forge them in the first place' kinda mindset.

Now, if Gortash somehow had his hands in that, and Elli would find out however... Well, Elli considers death to be a mercy, so Gort would probably live to see his age turn three digits, all while he suffers from the Bhaalspawn's wrath. Seeing all he's ever built crumble and fall for no other reason than the elfs spite and desire to destroy the one who took his sister. Like that man would grind Gort down to the point where Gort would even consider his time in HoH a walk in the park, all while Elli ruins himself as well cuz arguably the second he loses someone else he'd absolutely discard any attachments to life and staying alive too. His motivation to obey Bhaal was the promise of control and protection, and without someone left to protect, he'd have no reason left to make sure Bhaals plans don't go up in flames.

If he hadn't lost his memories Orin would still be alive nd thriving simply cuz Elli couldn't kill her and would instead either protect her or die for her sake, no doubt abt that.

[mtreebeardiles]

Hmm ok so thinking about that BG3 post, particularly in terms of the main villains and

Spoilers ahoy!

I gotta say, the more I think about it the less I agree that the narrative of the game positions Ketheric as more important or having more character weight than the other two, in terms of the stuff you gotta get through to even reach those final fights

Now I have **not** gone after Gortash directly yet, so I can’t speak to his fight, but I have done the lead up for all three villains and I think they kinda work out fairly evenly?

Ketheric-related quest lines: gauntlet of Shar (which is as much tied to a main companion as well) confronting Balthazar (I think this fight can even be skipped? Idk if he tries to stop you later if you bluff your way out of a confrontation since I usually just dive right in hahah), ending in moonrise. He does have 1-2 bonus stages leading up to the Avatar of Myrkul final, though one of them is optional if you manage to hit certain checks

You can argue confronting the other Thorms is part of it, but those fights can also be avoided and are optional

Orin - starts antagonizing you right out the gate, shape shifting into various people to mess with you. The serial killer subquest could be optional? Maybe? Might be harder to get into the Tribunal without it, and I’m fairly certain taking down Saarevok (spl?) is necessary to even reach her in the temple. You could luck out and find the entrance to the tribunal without following the murder mystery questline maybe? 🤔 but in terms of narrative weight, having to fight her grandfather, learning that aspect of her history beyond talking to her mother’s corpse (which I actually didn’t think to do but still got her backstory for the most part? I’ll have to remember next time), is pretty solid I think. In terms of fights, you’ve got Saarevok, the gauntlet leading up to the temple, and Orin goes monster form in her final fight. Similar in structure, I’d say, to ketheric’s questline

And now Gortash. I can’t speak as much to his questline since I haven’t finished it (no idea if it’ll trigger any end game stuff, so I’m avoiding it until I finish exploring the Gate), but you’ve got the submerged prison fight (😫), the steel watch foundry fight, and at least a few fights in wyrm’s rock (I think that’s where he’s holed up?) before reaching him. You can find his parents in the city, and unlike the other two you can kinda stumble upon them by accident — there doesn’t appear to be a related questline for it so far as I know? But you do learn from his mother that he’s trapped them in their own minds, that they sold him to a warlock when he was younger, and just… yeah. Yikes. Idk how any of that plays out later or if it ever does, but I’ll keep an ear out when I finally finish that questline 🤔

But yeah, idk how fair it is to say the narrative tilts more in Ketheric’s favor when the underlying structure is about even. Maybe because he’s more directly tied to a few companions? His quests overlap with Shadowheart, Halsin, and Jaheira, whereas Orin’s only really connects with a Durge run and/or Jaheira and Minsc (both optional companions, though I guess you could say the same of Halsin, though he and Jaheira are not formally part of the group until near the end of Act 2 and beginning of Act 3, respectively) and Gortash’s impacts Karlach and Wyll

Idk I’m rambling at this point, might revisit this after I’ve actually finished a run 😅

[shewhowas39]

pairing: Astarion x f!durge (June)/OC fic summary: in which Astarion's nice, simple plan crumbles when he falls for a neutral good cinnamon roll of a divination wizard who may or may not be a Bhaalspawn.

chapter title: lovely chapter summary: in which we take a deep dive into Astarion's trauma... and also he behave like a cat later. content warnings: discussion of past trauma, discussions of dissociation, self-blame/self-loathing related to trauma, fire

A/N: this one is heavy in the first part, because it deals with Astarion's trauma, but it does balance out a bit in the second half with some catstarion.

***

PREVIEW

A memory from the clearer part of the night comes back to him as he looks at her. What was it she had called him?

“Please, stacivae, let me touch you.” 

Stacivae. 

The word is clearly Elvish, though he can’t remember its meaning. Cazador forbade his spawn from speaking anything but Common, too afraid of them keeping secrets from him, afraid of them doing anything he didn’t understand. Which meant Astarion had been cut off from his native tongue two hundred years ago. 

He remembers the basics. The words you’d here on the street of a mostly human city like Baldur’s Gate. Words like “hello,” “goodbye,” “please,” and “thank you.” And the occasional obscenity, of course. But the rest of the language is like a long forgotten dream. He knows he knew it once, but it’s been lost to him now. 

Yet another thing the monster took from him. 

Astarion doesn’t stop moving until the sun begins to rise over the trees. He lets his pacing slow and then falter, turning to the east to watch the golden rays of light stretch like grasping fingers across the blue sky. 

At least he has this. He has no idea for how long, but for now, he has the sun. He closes his eyes, letting the light warm his bare skin.

He hadn’t loved the sun so much when he was alive. He’d taken it for granted, as most people do, but he’d also seen it as an annoyance at times. He had to take precautions to avoid sunburn, a hazard of a star elf’s pale skin. Now, though, he almost wishes he could sunburn. Because only the living can sunburn. And it’s far preferable to actually burning. 

He’ll never take the sun or its warmth for granted again. Of that Astarion is certain. ch the way the morning lights June’s

[crossdressingdeath]

Narrator: *You steady your mind, and prepare your questions.* Kyvir: Is there anyone else I should be aware of in the Archive? Hope: SISTER MY SISTER, OH WHAT HAVE YOU DONE, SOLD ME FOR SOUL SCRAPS, TORMENT ME FOR FUN Hope: My dearest sister Korrilla is in there too, pretending to browse the collection, acting all nonchalant. She's up to something. Hope: She won't let me escape. Not never ever never ever. Kyvir: She won't have a choice - I'm getting you out of here. Just tell me how.

Today's instalment of Things That Hit Different In A Durge Run: sisters. Hope's whole story is deeply tragic in every respect, but hearing her talk about how her sister betrayed and sold her for personal gain hits a lot harder when you're playing a character whose entry into the role of hero happened because their sister tried to kill them and when that failed sent them off to be tadpoled and made into a slave for the Absolute, destroying them and making a mess of their and Gortash's well-crafted plan all so that she could usurp the position of Bhaal's Chosen (despite Bhaal clearly not wanting her to have it, too). Even though Durge can't really remember Orin's betrayal, I get the sense that they remember enough to make sibling-related stuff personal.

[gryffintheparrotcat]

Personally I deeply relate to Gortashs urge to gain control over everything after not having any control over anything during his childhood.

And as someone who needs to be at least a little in control to feel safe and someone with awful memory issues,

There is nothing worse than forgetting.

You literally have no control over it. You could feel your memories actively slip your mind and you wouldn't be able to do anything about it. At best you could attempt to write down what isn't already lost.

But any semblence, any illusion of control you could've then still had is ultimately gone when it comes to someone elses mind.

Imagine how he must've felt, one moment everything was perfect & according to plan, he even found the first person ever to actually be his equal, his partner in crime, his friend, maybe even his lover? Life has never been better & in the next moment Durge is gone & Orin takes their place, and then just when things seemed to have settled back into a somewhat calm pace? Durge is back, but they don't remember anything. And even worse they're here to stop him if he doesn't get them to quickly remember.

[corvigae]

Here's some questions for the Tav relationship thing! <3

For Lunarae- 3 for Karlach and/or Shadowheart

For Page- 3 for Astarion

Lunarae:

3 - Did Shadowheart reveal her fear of wolves to your character? If so, how did your character respond?

If I remember correctly I actually don't think the dialogue triggered for her when they were in the Emerald Grove, unfortunately. She did later share the memory that's the reason why she's afraid of wolves, though, and Lunarae responded by thanking her for sharing that with her, but also starting to get just a little bit suss at the Sharran cloister once she noticed the moonstone detail and remembered the Selunite ritual of sending children out into the woods. She mostly kept these thoughts to herself for the time being, tho.

3 - Did your character help Karlach improve her engine? If so, how did they react to her ability to touch again?

OF COURSE she was SO excited for her to be able to touch again she couldn't wait! She reacted with the BIGGEST bear hug she could muster with her weak lil wizard body, lol, probably followed by a bunch of quick kisses all over her face. Gotta make up for lost time!

Page:

3 - If your character encountered Araj Oblodra in Moonrise Towers, did they pressure Astarion into biting her, or support his desire not to? Why, and how did your character react to Astarion’s confession about his life’s lack of consent afterwards?

ABSOLUTELY NOT she immediately backed him up because she did NOT like her tone and the way she insinuated that he wasn't a person. Also, she just wasn't gonna pressure him into doing something he didn't want to do bc that would feel gross regardless. And when he thanked her later and told her about his past with not having much of any bodily autonomy, she could unfortunately relate on some level with not feeling totally in control of your own body and what you do with it, given the whole Durge thing. I think she probably kept that part to herself for a bit, though, until after the whole "I almost killed you in my sleep" thing happened, after which they really do bond over this one different-yet-somewhat-similar horrible thing they've both experienced.

[hand-stuck-in-shredder]

let me hold your hand - Durgetash

A oneshot on AO3 that turned into a not-so oneshot because these two have done something irreparable to my brain chemistry. This is my take on how a childhood friendship between Gortash and The Dark Urge would go, told through a series of memories and days of their pasts. Intended as pre-canon but maybe if you squint this could be a post-canon AU where Gortash lives lmao?

Not yet finished, but updates consistently (6/9)

Dark Urge is kept (mostly) physically ambiguous with they/them so hopefully it is self-insertable :3

Warnings: Canon typical violence, stalking, implied/referenced child abuse, gets kinda dark at some points, potentially graphic depictions of violence, (1.5) murders

Snippet & link below <3

In the silence, Gortash's thoughts wandered beyond his little project, beyond their plans or endless scheming. In relation to the past, of course he thought back on how far he's come. How far he will go and his deserved successes. Gortash couldn't help but allow himself to briefly reminisce about the past. Specifically about their first meeting, the rest was just chaff. "Durge," Gortash tentatively began, taking on a slightly less tense tone with simple curiosity fueling him. "You remember our first meeting, yes?"

The hand that still kneaded Gortash's shoulder stilled briefly as they considered the question, before resuming its ministrations. "How you so boldly sauntered into Father's temple after I burned your first few letters of correspondence? How could I forget." Gortash shook his head at their re-counting, turning just slightly to get a better look at Durge. "You know that's not how it went down. But no, not that instance. When we were younger."

It came back to Durge upon clarification, and they nodded, standing back upright as they dusted off the memories. "I remember that too. Why do you ask?" Durge pinched Gortash's neck in an attempt to be playful, but perhaps their definition of playful differed, as it garnered them a quiet hiss in discomfort. They looked to the side, the many full bookshelves of Gortash's study catching his eye in the fading light, now painting unexpectedly serene picture out of the room. ...