#edit: let the record show that this isnt me actually hating on this

[dreadfuldevotee]

Ruby: Yeaaaah, The Doctor just constantly trauma dumped on me starting from the day we met

Yasmin Khan, who has finally been convinced to come back to companion support group after finding out that The Doctor settled down with a family 48 hours after leaving her: I have to leave

[hvskydoll]

BRAT CHARLI XCX REVIEW!!!!!🔫🔫🔫

okayyyy so hi i know i have like no followers but i wanna try to review this album because i have alotttf of thoughts and i really wanna just air them out while theyre still fresh.

so my overall thoughts, its amazing. some of her best work since 2019's charli (i didnt love hifn and crash was just subpar in my mind). i love the raw vulnerability of the lyrics. and i love how the harsh electronic beats and the very poetic almost stream of conciseness lyrics compliment each other. and songs like club classics and talk talk are pure pop perfection. like talk talk is a summer anthem and club classics ive had on repeat since it dropped!!!!

and this goes into my complaints with the record. i just feel like theres a problem with the album NOT being a dance pop album like it was promoted to be. the lead up to this album was all about how this is a rave album and it is not. theres rave moments but most of it is very vulnerable poetry over electro beats. and on a couple songs i just dont think this works. for example, rewind. theres parts of the song that i live for, but i wish it was more like POP! like i understand and relate to the lyrics but with this pc music bubble gum bass instrumental i just dont get it. and also b2b i just never loved this song. the repetitiveness doesnt work in this song like @ all! and it makes it more disappointing how charli is the queen of repetitive hooks. it just doesnt have any substance to it as a song.

another thing i dislike its this version of 365😭😭 i like the idea of the 360 instrumental. but the outro is very underwhelming in my opinion. idk if its just not enough bass or anything but its just kinda flat as a song. the easyfun remix is really good but i hate shygirl

but after all that hating lets get into the positives!!!!! this is some of charlis best production. again talk talk is amazing but also everything is romantic is so amazingly produced with the string sections and beats and then that bridge with the vocal effects. WHICH IS ANOTHER THING I NOTICED, the way her producers edit her vocals throughout the album is so cool. like club classics being built around vocal loops i just nerd out on shit like that. 360 and mean girls being love letters to the chloe cherrys and julia foxes of the world i think is very sweet and of the time. although im not a fan of mean girls EXTREMELY literal lyrics, which im aware is the purpose but idk i dont feel it. i love girl, so confusing's beat drop (wish they did that with 365 but WHATEVERRR) and i love how it talks about having disagreements with another female artist without it being petty beef. and i have a problem with her fandom pitting her and other female artists together to be bitchy and fighting like its baddies. which is also a theme is sympathy is a knife with the "i hope i dont see her at my boyfriend's show" which can be about taylor or twigs.

either way charli doesnt have to be besties with these women but i think its so childish how charli's fans have created this like shade room type reaction to stuff like this. but that is a different convo for a different day.

i think about it all the time is a total highlight for me. its such an adorable song about a topic soo rarely touched in pop music. and that is the biggest positive to this album, it touches on things you dont see in pop music and does it in a very stripped way.

so now we get to so i. now we have gotten plenty of sophie tributes in the past couple years. and i think this is the most sincere of those. since charli was SOO close to sophie i think this is very loving and honest. and isnt a song about the image of sophie but the actual experience of being a close friend of her. so i give charli props for being so honest with the way shes expressing grief.

so final thoughts. i think this is one of the strongest and most unique pop albums in the last like 5 years. like i cant think of another pop album quite like this and i really enjoy it. and i honestly think it will grow on me more with more listens.

CURRENT RATING: 7.5/10

~xx yves

[eunjidrabbles]

YAYYYY your asks are finally open!!! hi hi im the anon may i ask for a hwasa one shot wherein reader is courting hwasa but hwasa doesn't find fem! reader attractive. after one date, hwasa decides that reader isnt really her type which r is bummed about but respects her decision. however, one day hwasa finds r's genuine character and somehow, she falls for r's charms uwu angst to big big fluff please! sorry this is long :3 i really like tropes like this thank youuu!

Just One

(I realized writing hurt/comfort stuff soothes my soul a lot. Probably because I like making it hurt and then I feel bad and try to make it warm and fluffy so no worries. Longer requests help me with plotting out the story.

Edit: Sorry this took longer than expected, I just started my first day of work again and guess who is now a barista? Also Wheein’s solo album just dropped today so go give it a listen ya’ll)

Word count: About 2.4k

-

Ahn Hye Jin is a goddess. Everyone who has seen her either loves her, or hate her because they want to be her. With beauty, fame and charisma that goes off the charts, who could blame when you were to be drawn in like a moth to the light? Of course given the opportunity, you chose to chase after her disregarding the fact there were probably many others like you. It was a chance given, and it would be foolish not to grab at it. Be it getting your manager to buy her favorite drinks so you can drop it off for her whenever she was at the company practicing, leaving little notes with a container of food for her to heat up when she stays back for more practicing on her own or even occasionally popping by the studio when you had some free time off your schedules, you did you best to let your presence be known to her. Management didn't know of your crush, brushing it off as admiration for your senior whose group literally built up the company, and you'd prefer for it to stay that way lest you get kicked out barely a year into debuting. Hyejin however, knew of your intentions. You've made it clear to her when you gathered up the courage to manage to stammer out a "I like you." Before you could hear whoops from Wheein and feel the stares coming from the other two older members directed at you.

Over time, you've managed to also worm your way into the rest's hearts as they realized how pure your intentions were, and how far you'd go to try take care of their strong-headed maknae. Seeing as to how Hyejin has never properly rejected you, they slowly started putting in words for you whenever they spot your gifts for her, planting what they'd hope to be the seeds that will help make their youngest happier. It started from "Look at how thoughtful she is!" To “Hey look, guess who dropped by again today~?” Each time, she would only smile and wave away at her member’s teasing as she accept her gifts with a smile.

The small interactions with Hyejin and the rest of her members were great as you slowly got to know them more, just as friends. Sharing jokes and they would sometimes even invite you up for a meal together. It wasn’t until a few weeks later of skirting around your very obvious infatuation with Hyejin did you actually put up your mind to do something. Nodding to yourself, you gathered up the courage and knocked on the door. Cheers were heard from inside and as routine, Hyejin came to the door to open it for you. Passing over her drink with a smile, she stood waiting accepted it with a small chuckle and thanks. Right before she turned away, you called out to her. Looking back at you questioningly, you took a few deep breath to try settle your pounding heart. “One date. Just give me one date. I’ll show you that I’m serious.” You could see her eyes widen in surprise and slowly cover her mouth with her hand. You shift nervously, not daring to break the eye contact. She was the one who looked away first and her gaze fell to the ground, seemingly deep in thought. Noticing the longer than usual interaction, the rest of the members curiously peeked over one another to observe the situation. Putting the pieces together, Wheein shared glances with the older members and back to her best friend and voiced out her thoughts. “Why don’t you give it a shot?” Slowly looking over to her, Hyejin studied her expression, followed by the encouraging looks Moonbyul and Yongsun was giving before going back to her own thoughts for a bit longer. All the while you stood, head slowly lowering, feeling your throat and chest slowly coiling and tightening on themselves while you prepare yourself for the rejection incoming. “So what do you have in mind?” Snapping your head up, you find her staring right at you. You could almost hear your own heartbeat as you let out a breath you didn’t even notice you were holding. Glancing past her, you see the enthusiastic nodding and thumbs up given to you by the rest of her members and you pulled out your phone. “I’ll text you the details?”

As far as records go, the company only saw this meet up as a nice meal between a member of their top girl group and their solo artist. You’ve managed to book a small table at a café that you were introduced by a few friends. It was a cozy little place near an alleyway, just a little out of the way of where the crowd would usually go. Settling down in the corner, you were both handed a small menu. Skimming over, you decided to place an order of a cup of coffee and a macaron for a sweet treat. Hyejin took a little longer to look through the menu but also ended up with just a cup of coffee. There was an awkward tension in the air as you constantly try to find topics to speak about to engage the woman sitting opposite of you when all you could get in reply was a few words in reply. With a smile, you could only nod and let the silence blanket the both of you as your drinks and snack came. Every time you looked up from sipping your drink, you could see her silently in her own thoughts and decided not to bother her lest she finds you annoying. It was when you were on the last few sips of your drinks did Hyejin finally speak up.

“I don’t want to be harsh but I don’t think we’d go well together.”

The words echoed in your head as they processed into what she was trying to say. You swallowed down the harsh reality that hit you right in your chest and nodded with a small understanding smile. “Thank you for at least giving me a chance, and of course, being honest with me.” Nodding back, Hyejin went back to sipping her drink as the silence once again settled between the both of you, this time for you to quietly nurse your heart. Setting down the empty cups, the both of your stood as you pulled out your phone and texted your manager to pick the both of you up. While waiting outside the café, Hyejin couldn’t bring herself to look at you. A part of her felt that she had led you on, despite it just being that she couldn’t understand of her own feelings. To make everything simpler for everyone, the best choice would be to reject and ignore it. A hand coming towards her in the corner of her eye surprised her, and with that she finally look at you again. “Friends?” Raising your eyebrow, you silently prayed that whatever happened wouldn’t ruin whatever relationship you had between her and her members. “Friends.” Raising her hand to shake yours, a smile bloomed across her face in relief that you held no anger towards her.

You understood that it will definitely take time to get over the fact that you had a crush on Hyejin, so you chose not to avoid it. Instead, you faced the rejection straight on, and went up to Mamamoo’s studio even more often to interact more with everyone whenever you had the time. Every now and again, you’d also have a member or two pop up in your studio to join in the chaos, much so adding up to your manager’s headache of trying to keep your appearance as an idol intact, knowing well fully that the random moments you shared with the group would most likely air out as update episodes in your mini vlog series. It took a while to realize that by taking a step back from pursuing Hyejin, that you got so much more closer to her. The awkwardness melted away and what was left was a healthy friendship.

It also took a while for Hyejin to realized how much more she had been looking to spend time with you. Or that the increasing number of comments in your vlog series were commenting on how much and fondly she looked at you. It became almost a daily thing to exchange greetings from dawn and annoy one another through text till dusk fell. It got to the point where whenever her phone’s notification rang, does she perk up and rush to it and if it was not a reply from you, she would falter and according to Wheein, “Look like a kicked puppy.” If you had a schedule when she was free, she sometimes tag along with an excuse to keep you company but if you could see her behind all the staff, you’d notice her intense gaze as she studies you. The way you moved, the way you laughed, and even to the way your chest rise and fall as you breathed. Part of her knew what was happening, but she refused to act upon it. It wasn’t fair that you were the one who risked your career to chase her only for her to reject you, and now suddenly changing her mind. You on the other hand didn’t seem to notice all the extra attention you were getting from her and it annoyed Hyejin to a certain extend. She wanted the smiles you gave to everyone directed to only her. She wanted the jokes you shared and the laughter you gave to just be shared between you two.

It drove her crazy, the more she explored her feelings for you. It made her feel things that scared her. Scenarios would appear in her head as she watches you interact with others. Your words would race through her mind as she goes about her day. Images and memories of your gifts and notes pulled on her heartstrings. Maybe. Hyejin silently thinks to herself. Just maybe, I might be crazy. Chuckling to herself as she stopped in front of a set of doors, she sighed. That’s still better than letting someone else hold you, right? Looking up at the sign that stated the opening hours, she pulled out her phone to do a quick check of the time and pushed open to step through the set of doors.

The bass vibrated throughout the entire room as music boomed from the speakers in the practice room. Your eyes were trained upon your form as you connected each movement of your body to flow with the beat of the music. Seeing how focused you were on perfecting the dance routine, your manager could only sigh in failed attempt of trying to make you promise to not overwork yourself when your comeback was right around the corner before leaving for the night. At some point through the evening, you had shed your hoodie, leaving you in a cooling sports bra and sweat pants. Despite the lesser layers, you were drenched in sweat, and your hair had fallen from their ponytail, leaving them sticking uncomfortably to your face and body. Your body cried out in exhaustion as you slowed to a halt along with the music and panted to catch your breath. Slowly pushing yourself upright again, you groaned, body resisting the idea of one last run through of the routine. Right as you were about to hit the play button on your phone again, the soundproofed door of your studio swung open.

Your squeak echoed the room and your eyes darted up and widened in surprise to meet hers through the mirror’s reflection. It took a second for your body and brain to relax when you realized that the intruder meant no harm when you noticed both her hands were occupied. Slowly turning and walking over to the back of the studio where she had moved from the door, you look at Hyejin questioningly before your gaze dropped to the contents in her hands. Instead of putting it down onto the table, she waited for you to walk over to her to pass you the warm cup of coffee and a paper bag. Carefully hold the cup in one hand, you opened the bag to see a lone macaron sitting inside. A wide smile bloomed on your face when your body understood that the sweet treat was a form of energy for you to function and you eagerly pushed it up the bag to take the first bite. You then remembered the very person that delivered it to you and with your mouth full, you could only smile even wider to her as you closed your eyes in bliss as the sugary snack awoke your senses again.

“One date.”

Your eyes snap open as your jaw stopped its movement.

“One date. Just give me one date. I’ll show you I’m worth your time.”

Your smile slowly dropped as you processed what you just heard. Looking back down at the bag and the cup of drink, you recognized the name imprinted on its sides. It was from the very café you two went to on your first and last date. Forcing yourself to look busy by continuing to slowly chewing the one bite in your mouth, you subtly turned your head towards the mirror to look at the woman, not daring to risk eye contact by looking directly at her. Even from the mirror, you could see her intense gaze, as she fidgeted her hands behind her, anxiously waiting for your answer. 

“So? What do you say?”

Swallowing the now mushy mess in your mouth, you slowly looked right back at her. Lifting the drink to your lips and taking a small sip, you looked for traces of this encounter merely being a bad joke of the rejection you faced at her hand a few months ago. When you could find none, you slowly lowered the drink and sighed. Even at such mundane actions, you could see her tense up in anticipation.

You chuckle suddenly, breaking the silence and causing Hyejin to flinch. That in return made you chuckle even harder when her look of confusion and surprise slowly melt away as your laughter went on. Finally taking a breath to stop, you smiled and answered her.

“I was hoping it will be more than just one.”

[haikyuu-bf-scenarios]

Kageyama Tobio: Second Encounter

First Meeting

heyo lets go for inconsistency in posting. sorry the one im updating isnt the most emotionally competent mc

*not edited*

you didnt want to go to the club

werent too keen on getting hit in the face

again

you didnt have much a choice bc step-mom decided to warn Kiyoko about your flakey-ness(?)

you take as much time as possible packing up, making this decision

until Kiyoko shows up

she tells you your step-mom told her mom that you have a habit of flaking on things you dont want to do

“fine”

you swing your bag over your shoulder, following Kiyoko to the gym

before you enter tho you move to the side of the building

you buy a straberry milk from the machine

as mentioned before, you can drink a cup (or carton) of milk before feeling sick

we love being spiteful of medical issues

you rejoin Kiyoko at the entrance, sipping your milk slowly

obviously she’s concerned; she heard you yesterday too

“relax, im not that self-hating. im not eager for stomach cramps tho”

“you know better than me, i suppose”

she brought you inside, where the tea had just started setting up

“should you be drinking that?”

it seems there are two moms on this team

“sorry which one are you?”

dont blame yourself for not remembering his name

or face...

last time you were here you got hit in the face

you also didnt think youd be coming back

and you said as much “sorry i didnt think id be here again. didnt bother to memorize you all”

“ah” ‘so blunt’ “im Sugawara”

he bows to you which provided you w/ a culture shock youve been getting a lot

you only bowed your head in return

stepmom said that was okay for now until you learned the proper way

this isnt really important to the story but the author wanted to mak the cultural difference apparent

“so about that milk?”

“I’ll be fine.” you took another step to prove your point

“y/n” Kiyoko called you over to her and Yachi, who had just arrived (as you heard earlier)

“You two will be observing today. You dont have to be nervous.” you suspect that t be directed to Yachi

“wight!”

“wight?”

“oh, but be careful of stray shots”

that was probably for you “right...”

she walked away, grabbed a notebook, and approached you again giving it to you

“what for?”

“its for recording info about the team. make as many notes as you want”

‘this is bc i forgot Sugawara’s name’

you looked at the book with no emotion

‘i doubt ill be making any notes’

you really need to give yourself more credit

bc you did rite notes down

not volleyball notes

yeah, hell no - you dont know enough about the sport to do that

no you took notes on other things

like how everyone listened to Daichi

How Asahi barely had confidence but still hit the ball with finality

how Hinata’s, Nishinoya’s, and Taneka’s energy and antics made practice much more fun

how Kageyama seemed to be giving his full effort even if it was only practice

it was exhausting just watching them

didnt mean it wasnt keeping you engaged

the stray balls flying toward you made sure of that

one of them flew at Yachi but Hinata got it first

this prompted Kiyoko to come over and check on you both

“are you okay?”

“uh, yes...”

“fine”

“this is my time seeing volleyball outside of PE class so close. its pretty amazing”

“i think our teams offense is among the best in the prefecture”

she stops a ball from hitting you in the face

again

one of the boys yelled sorry but you were paying more attention to what Kiyoko was saying

you especially werent paying attention to Nishinoya & Taneka

“Karasuno was actually strong enough to go to nationals before

“but in the last few years, we’ve been called ‘the fallen giant’ & ‘the flightless birds’“

“creative” you commentd

“this time, we’re going to stand on the national stage.”

“thats amazing...”

you had to agree with Yachi on that

looking at Kageyama do another perfect set, it made you think, want

no not like that, ya nasties

‘whats it like being so passionate about something that you perfect it?’

‘i bet it feels amazing’

now im just guessing bc im not you but im pretty sure this was the minute you decided you were gonna help them to nationals

hell you even brought the notebook home w/ you to make your own notes

masterlist

[sunlitroom]

Gotham – s5e05 – Pena Dura

 As I watched it, and some random observations here and there.

Previously on Gotham:

Selina went stab stabbity stab. Alfred told Bruce he can’t save Selina from herself.  Ed woke up on a rooftop.  Jim gave speech #357 on the value of hope. Then Haven exploded, proving that hope can only do so much against an RPG. Jim’s been promised help for weeks!  He also won’t stop until he finds who’s responsible for Haven.  Ed was responsible for Haven, albeit in a weird trance-like state.  Jim stared at the charred remains of Haven.

As always, long post will be long.  There are likely to be rambling digressions. Gobblepot might appear (although I welcome all shippers and non-shippers alike :)).  There will be naked favouritism and naked not-favouritism.  Broader comments at the end on plotlines and parallels and general direction.

In a church, a man is watching an old black and white film.  From what I can figure out from the actors involved and the character names, it’s a George Brent film called Tangier Incident.  It’s not a particularly interesting film.  He is, however, in a good creepy film called The Spiral Staircase, which I recommend.

Anyway

Jim and Harvey approach him, guns drawn, and ask him turn around.  Apparently, he’s the one who sold the RPGs.  He seems pretty unimpressed by them, and rather insolently asks if they’re going to arrest him.

Jim says he wants a name. Old film guy addresses some unseen minions

What do you say boys?  You wanna show the lawman how we feel about uninvited guests?

No-one is backing down. The stand-off is broken up by the arrival of lots of large people dropping through the stained-glass ceiling, who promptly take the thugs out.

While this is happening, Jim wrestles the weapons dealer/film enthusiast.  He still wants a name.  The fight is pretty even until the old guy is shot in the head.

We now get a slow-motion shot of shiny army boots approaching to some foreboding music.  Jim rises, frowning in confusion as shiny boots man removes the mask covering his face.

Eduardo?

Nice shot right?

We get the military music we last had with Barnes to let us know that Jim likely met this man in the army. His men are still pointing guns, one at Harvey, so he tells them stand down.

Jim asks Eduardo what he’s doing here.  He tells Jim he last saw him running through sniper fire to save him from a burning truck.

Jim claims he had the old guy where he wanted him – but he’s glad he’s here. Eduardo says he is too

 They wander through the church chatting. Jim tells Harvey they hated each other in boot camp. Jim thought Eduardo did things too fast, while Eduardo thought Jim was too careful.

A sarcastic Harvey says that Jim’s taught him a thing or two about being careful.  

Jim and Eduardo lapse into military jargon – talking about the mission plan. Eduardo says that they’re helping Walker (the woman Jim’s been talking to on the radio). They’ve to make this hellhole safe.

Jim, disgruntled, comments that all it apparently took for them to be sent help was the murder of hundreds.  Eduardo says they’ve to remove all criminal elements and make the city safe.  He introduces his second in command, who hands Jim a ledger they’ve found.  On it – we see Ed’s name against two RPGs.

Jim turns to Harvey. He and Eduardo will go after Ed. Harvey is to set up a command centre at GCPD.  Harvey protests.

I’m not as fast as I used to be, but I still got some fight in me. I’m not some desk jockey – I’m a street guy

Jim says Harvey’s the best cop he knows.  Ed tends to think ahead.  If this goes sideways, Harvey will need to take over.

I need your help buddy

Harvey nods.

GCPD where Bruce runs into Alfred.  Alfred tells him Jim isn’t there – they’ve got a strong lead in the Haven bombing. He asks Bruce what’s wrong.

Bruce tells him worriedly that he can’t find Selina anywhere. Alfred replies that Selina is capable of looking after herself.  Bruce says that she’s not herself, though.   Alfred pulls a face and tells him that Jeremiah deserved to die.  A resentful and upset Bruce says that Jeremiah made Selina a murderer – just like Ra’s did him.

(An aside.  Much like Alfred, I don’t really have a problem with Selina stabbing Jeremiah.  But this is only one of many times this episode will get a bit forgetful.  Selina was a murderer before she killed Jeremiah, Bruce.   You were there when she shoved that guy out the window.  Not that I really have any time for Alfred’s ex-army friend who stabbed him and robbed you – but Jeremiah wasn’t the first time she’s killed)

Alfred quibbles this, claiming that Ra’s goaded Bruce into murder, but Selina did what she did with open eyes

And you’ve got to learn to respect that son

Bruce wants to find her, though, and leaves – as Alfred watches.

(An aside - Eh.  On one hand, yes – Selina can make her own decisions.  She has autonomy.  On the other hand – Selina did what she did while still struggling to cope with the trauma of Jeremiah shooting her.   Alfred excusing Bruce but condemning Selina – even though he agrees Jeremiah needed to be removed – doesn’t really sit well with me.  On top of all that – Selina’s endangered herself for Bruce on a number of occasions, gone out of her way to help him, in fact.  She’s clearly not coping now – and leaving her to her own devices seems off to me.)

In the library, we see Ed listening to his blackout recordings.  He howls with frustration, unable to establish a pattern.

It makes no sense!

He catches sight of himself in a nearby mirror

You're not a murderer, Ed.  Except Kristin Kringle, and Officer Doherty.

He goes on

But all those people.  And children. How could you do it?  Why?

He roars

It doesn't matter – it’s you - not me

(An aside.  This is really a bit of a mess.  So.  Am I to assume that Ed is being a massive hypocrite, and selectively editing his criminal record?  Or am I to assume that Ed differentiates between murders committed by Ed and those committed by The Riddler?  Maybe, that doesn’t really work here – since some of these were committed before he discovered that persona.  Besides – wasn’t one of the features of his ‘becoming’ his personalities becoming fused?  Or are the writers choosing to forget some of Ed’s other murders?  Who knows.)

Hearing a sound, he turns. It’s Jim and Eduardo – who have arrived to arrest him.  He holds his hands up defensively.

No - Jim - I can explain

Jim is taken aback.

Explain?  You son of a bitch - you actually did it?

(Interesting. Although Ed’s name was in the ledger, Jim doesn’t seem to have thought that Ed was truly responsible – or didn’t want to believe it might be true.)

Eduardo tells Ed to get on his knees.  That’s three Eds in this show now – not counting Ed’s many personalities.  For reference, if they’re all ever in the same scene, the dog is Ed1, the lanky green one is Ed2, and beardy army guy is Ed3.

Ed protests, and says he didn't – but he needs a little bit of time

Eduardo is still pointing his gun – and tells Jim to just say the word.

Ed pleads.  You know me, Jim.  People that I have...hurt - they hurt me first

(Eh? There are multiple gif sets going around which show how ridiculous this remark is.  Ed’s hurt plenty of people just because he wanted to.)

I didn't know a single person in Haven

Eduardo glances at Jim

Your call, buddy – he basically confessed

Ed watches carefully as Jim thinks and then decides,

Bring him in – he stands trial

We’re saying this again? What kind of court will this be? Who is the judge?  Lawyers?  Jury?

Ed isn’t enthused by this. He touches a book from the bookcase. Eduardo is apparently standing on pressure-plated ied.  One twitch, and he’ll repaint the room with his organs.  He smiles.  

Jim points his gun. But apparently Ed has also devised some sort of watch that monitors changes in Ed’s heart rate if it deviates by more than 10 bpm up or down, and can cause an explosion - if necessary - from as far as a mile away. Whatever. Apparently, in a fit of sexual frustration after his recent contact with Lucius, Ed sublimated his lustful stirrings into an inventing binge.

Ed and Jim try and stare each other out a bit.  Jim says Ed will be a target once news of his guilt gets out.  Eduardo says he thinks Ed’s threats are bluffs.  Jim says Ed doesn’t bluff.  Well – there was the time with all the cops and the poison gas that turned out just to be sleeping gas, but - hey.  This episode is having severe difficulties remembering details, storyline, characterisation….take your pick.

Jim lets Ed leave. Summarising because this recap is lengthy – Jim uses his cat-like reflexes to leap across the room and finds the right book to free Eduardo – whose whole take on the puzzle is that he’d like

to wring this nerd’s neck

Jim gives him a welcome to Gotham.  Wanting to wring Ed’s neck is just part and parcel of visiting. He adds that the city grows on you, before contacting Harvey and telling him to put the word out: Ed is wanted for the attack on Haven

Bruce strides into Sirens, looking for Selina.  A fairly happy-looking Barbara leads him towards a booth.   With a flourish, she tells the crowd to raise their glasses for the killer of Jeremiah Valeska.  The crowd parts, and we see Selina sitting in a booth with a group of girls.  Is this the booth of Bruce’s downward spiral?  Is this the ‘I am having a long dark night of the soul’ booth?  Do you have to book ahead?  

Selina raises her glass, but her smile is more ironic than anything else.

(An aside. Barbara seemed happy.  It's hard to say whether having the killer of Jeremiah Valeska at her club is bring extra cachet, whether her one-night stand with Jim brought her some closure and happiness, or whether she and Jim are still having sex and she’s pleased about this.)

In some abandoned building, we hear a radio send out the message about Ed being wanted by the police.

A tall skinny man wearing a green suit and eyeglasses

They left out his BritPop hair.

Outside an angry mob gathers and chants.  We see Ed hiding from them, before slipping off.

 At City Hall, Oswald stands, flanked by his henchmen, as a visitor opens a box for him.  Whatever it is seems to make him happy – and he pays the man 200 bullets in return – telling him to go have fun and keep up the good work.  

As the man leaves – Oswald is brought a message

He reads aloud

Edward Nygma is the monster responsible for killing the innocents of Haven

Oswald looks incredulous for a moment, and then worried – wondering aloud,

Ed…what have you done?

The mob from earlier runs past.  Ed hides – but is walloped on the side of the head.

GCPD.  Eduardo tells Jim they’re pushing uptown – but there’s still no Nygma. He’s confident they’ll get him though.  He then asks Jim to tell him about Scarecrow.  Jim says his guys would need gasmasks – but taking him down would be a big one.

We’re on a sort of rural street.  We pan up Ed’s body.  I own those boots.  He’s unconscious and tied to some kind of deck chair.

An older blonde woman leans in towards his face.

Time to wake up!

Forgive me – American readers.  I can only tell that she sounds Southern, which I know isn’t very specific.

She tells Ed she’s the woman who will carry out his execution, along with her two boys – two men, who are sitting in a truck parked facing Ed.

They’ve basically created a makeshift electric chair.  There’s a lot of whooping and laughing as they give Ed a tester jolt.  He yells in pain, gasping when they stop.

The woman tells him that was only a taste.  It’s fair that Ed should die to pay for JoJo, who was in Haven when Ed blew it up.

She holds up a photograph. Ed seems afraid to look at it – then bursts into laughter when he sees it’s a dog.  For good measure – he calls the woman an anthropomorphizing nincompoop when she claimed that JoJo was happy and smiled often.

They give him another burst of electricity.  Ed hallucinates – seeing a spiteful Oswald telling him

I'm going to fix you, Ed

Ed blinks – confused. They jolt him again.  This time he sees a sincere Oswald, repeating the same phrase.

Everything stops when there’s some kind of fault with the electricity.  Ed quickly spots a way to trick them and escape.  In doing so – one of the men’s legs catch fire. As Ed runs off, he declares that he’ll fix Oswald.

 At City Hall, we hear distant explosions.  One of Oswald’s henchmen tells him that the army has invaded and men are heading this way. Oswald asks him if Nygma has been located – to which the man replies he has feelers out.  Oswald tells him the first man to find him gets to live.

Turning, he tells his dog he is surrounded by morons.  If he didn’t have his empire – he’d go get Nygma himself

(An aside – it’s actually something that has been frustrating about Oswald in later seasons. Season One Oswald was very mobile. He moved around a lot: think of all the places we see him.  Fish’s club, Gertrud’s apartment, GCPD, Jim and Barbara’s place, Maroni’s weird lodge, Falcone’s mansion, Loeb’s house…. It helped give a sense of how he had a finger in every pie, but also how much he truly inhabited the city.  He was everywhere.   But after they have him empire building – he becomes much more static.  He’s usually stuck in a grand house or hall, and has to send other people out to do his bidding.)

He spots that the gun on his desk has gone. He turns – and now it’s pointing at his head

It’s Ed2

(Ed gets demoted if the dog is in the same scene)

Hello Oswald.  We have a great deal to talk about.  But first - did you name your dog after me?

(An aside.  You know – that dog is sweet, but the naming decision feels like self-indulgent fic territory.  Unpopular opinion, I know – but there it is.)

 At GCPD, Harvey says Nygma’s been seen at City Hall – he’s going after Oswald.  Eduardo says Oswald is at the top of their list – so this sounds like a twofer

Jim says Oswald has all the ammo in town – so they need shock and awe

Eduardo says that’s his default, and asks Jim if he’s ready to go.

Jim looks a little dubious, and tells him to take Harvey.  He’ll keep things locked down here

(An aside – it’s possible that Jim does this because he wants to salve Harvey’s bruised ego from earlier, although sending him to City Hall with Eduardo to face a heavily-armoured and very irritated Oswald would seem to be a bit of an over-correction of that earlier moment.  It is amusing to consider, though, that Jim did not want Eduardo to witness what would likely have happened at City Hall if Jim had gone instead – i.e. Oswald wheedling his way out of a visit to the precinct, Jim telling Oswald to please be good this time, and then some emotionally vulnerable and sexually charged staring.)

At Sirens, a flippant Selina tells a serious-faced Bruce he’s killing the buzz. Bruce tells her this isn’t her.  Selina smiles, and asks Bruce if he really thinks he knows her. He solemnly tells her better than she knows herself.

Selina smiles.  She tells Bruce that the night his parents were murdered she watched it all and did nothing.

Her eyes fill

She says she watched

That guy shoot your father and shoot your mother and through it all - I did nothing

She lets out a laugh that turns into a sob

I didn't call for help. I didn’t scream at him to stop

Bruce tells her it wasn’t her fault – she was a scared kid.  Selina tells Bruce he was the scared kid.

Bruce has teared up now too. She continues

We are not the same.  I didn't do anything because I was not willing to risk my neck - because I didn’t care.  That's who I was and that's who I am

A different song starts playing.  Selina puts on a faux-smile and says she loves this song.  A tearful Bruce watches her walk away.

 Back at City Hall, an irate Ed is questioning a confused Oswald.

What did you do?

What are you talking about?

Ed is insistent

You!  You are the reason I killed those people!  How could you?  You have made me some murderous puppet!

(Just a reminder here that when Ed found a seriously injured and traumatised Oswald in the woods, he took him home, injected him with God knows what, told him he had no option but to stay there, and rubbed his hands with glee when he figured out the best way to manipulate him to his own ends – which was through his grief for his murdered mother.  You know, just while the story is touching on stuff like taking away someone’s agency, and using them for your own selfish ends.)

Ed rants that he’s spent weeks waking up strange places - driving himself mad, thinking he’d gone mad - now he knows that it’s all been Oswald’s doing

Of everything that you have put me through - this is the most cruel

(Just another reminder that - you know, while we’re discussing cruelty – Ed tried to drive Oswald insane, dug up his father’s remains, humiliated him, attempted to demonstrate that he wasn’t capable of love (so – you know – tried to completely dehumanise him), and then shot him in the gut and pushed him off the end of the pier. Just, you know, in case we’re looking for some kind of gold standard for cruelty).

Oswald blinks in confusion, and tells Ed that he doesn’t know what he’s talking about.  Ed quotes the ‘I’ll fix you’ from his hallucination.  He goes on – telling Oswald he didn’t fix him: he broke him

Realisation dawns on Oswald’s face.

Wait - I said that to you on the night the bridges blew!

He tells Ed that he saved his life.  He found him and paid Hugo Strange to save him – but Hugo must have done something when he was patching him up.

Ed is incredulous. Oswald is indignant – asking him what he was supposed to do?  After Butch, Ed was his only friend.  Ed exclaims that he shot Butch, to which Oswald retorts that’s why he needed Ed alive.

Oswald is frustrated. He sighs and turns to him

Edward Nygma - if I wanted you to suffer, I would never do it in some backhanded way.  If we are ever at odds again, you will know without a doubt that I am your enemy.  I promise you that, as a friend.

(An aside.  I have made no bones about the fact I’ve found just about everything they’ve done with this relationship over the seasons to be utterly forced - clunky and leaden.  If anything ever exemplifies a lot of what I don’t like about it, it’s that moment just there.  Compare how natural and nuanced almost any other interaction in this episode was in comparison with this moment.  It’s self-indulgent and melodramatic in a manner usually reserved for bad fanfiction. Bear it in mind particularly when we get that lovely scene later with Bruce and Harvey, and compare the two.)

Ed considers him for a moment, then yells

What a mess!  I might have killed you, Oswald.  And if that day comes, I swear to you that I will stare you in the eye as I stab you in the heart.

We already saw that, Ed. Back when you shot him in the gut

Oswald nods tearfully

(An aside, something else I hate about what they’ve done with this – insta-woobie ooc Oswald)

Oswald tells him to look on the bright side.  If Strange messed with his head, then Ed’s not responsible for what happened.  Ed asks where to find Hugo – but the conversation is interrupted by an explosion.

One of Oswald’s men tells him that GCPD and the army have blown the gates

Oswald whispers to him

Grab Nygma - they want him, not me

(An aside – the speed with which Oswald is willing to sell Ed out is honestly hilarious)

Ed – however – has legged it, leaving a fulminating Oswald behind.

The doors to the main hall are blown open, and a smoke bomb is rolled on. Harvey and Eduardo enter.  Oswald waits amidst all the smoke – probably for the drama more than anything

Why hello Harvey!

He teases him about the ammo situation last time.  Harvey tells him they don’t want his territory. They want him to put down his weapons and hand over Ed Nygma.

The situation, I think, is now more about Oswald being pissed that his turf has been invaded than anything else. He tells them to leave by the time he counts to three, or he’ll shoot everyone.

Harvey stands his ground.

Oswald smiles

You’re not thinking clearly, Harvey.  Maybe call your boss - see what he thinks

(An aside – Oswald is so offended that he’s even having to look at someone from GCPD who isn’t Jim.  Ugh. This day just gets worse.  Funnier yet is his conviction that Jim will tell Harvey to come back to GCPD and stop bothering him)

There’s a staring match. Oswald’s men all wind up shot, and Oswald is taken in to GCPD. 

Ed is in Sirens - on his knees in front of Barbara.  She tells him all Gotham is looking for him

He replies that he needs information – your speciality

(An aside.  What?  Since, like - when?  When did information become Barbara’s speciality?  I know she likes power and money.  She’s also fond of violence and casual cruelty.  But information?  When was that supposed to have happened?)

Barbara says she’s going to cut his face into a jigsaw puzzle.  Ed urgently asks her if he’s dumb.  If – in all the years she’s known him – he’d ever done anything as brutally idiotic as this.  He didn’t kill those people.

Well…. not exactly.

Barbara dismisses her guards.  Ed tells her about Hugo Strange’s involvement, and how he suspects mind control. Whoever is responsible for the mind control killed those people, not him

Barbara says if by some miracle she believes him – why would she help?

Ed piques her curiosity by wondering what kind of powerful person would hire Strange and have Ed adapted in this way.  He says that Barbara must know where Hugo is, and when he finds out who was responsible for the chip – he’ll share the intel.  She’ll want to know, because, after all

Information is your lifeblood

Sure, whatever. 

Barbara doesn’t know precisely where Hugo is, but can direct him to his Igors.

 An interrogation room in GCPD.  Oswald lies on his front on the floor, his lip bleeding.  He looks up at Jim, who is apparently watching, and his face twists for a moment into a combination of pain and an appeal for help

For his part, Jim looks troubled.  He’s not enjoying this – in fact, I would go so far as to say it looks like he can’t stomach it – but he’s tolerating it.

Jim replies to his pained look

You’re protecting a mass murderer - don't look to me for sympathy

(An aside. Yes – I ship this, but even with shipper glasses off – it’s pretty much there in the text. Oswald knows that he can appeal to Jim for sympathy.  In responding to his look as he does, Jim is openly acknowledging that he would usually be a source of sympathy for Oswald.  It’s an admission from them both that there are dimensions to their relationship that go well beyond cop/gangster and – more than that – an admission that they’re both aware of that)

Oswald spits blood

Fine.  But not with that meat head around

Jim nods, and Eduardo leaves

Oswald laughs and rises from the floor

You know – they say you can judge man by the company he keeps

Jim retorts

This from a man who has no friends

(An aside – that sounds meaner than it actually played.  It’s delivered in that slightly schoolyard  tone Jim reserves for teasing Oswald – it’s not earnest or cruel.  Also – as we’ve seen this season, just saw in this scene, and will see again in a moment – it’s just not true.  Jim and Oswald have a relationship beyond work.

On top of that, you know – Jim – if not for the fact that Harvey is an extraordinarily forgiving man, your own friend list would have tumbleweeds blowing through it.)

Jim and Oswald take a moment to give each other a long, complicated look.  This scene is full of long complicated looks.  Neither of them particularly want to be in this situation, but their hands have been forced.

Oswald tells Jim that Nygma is a patsy, not a mass murderer.  He likes puzzles, games, killing – but killing hundreds of people – that’s not him, Jim knows this.

Jim asks who set him up

Oswald laughs, and leans back in his chair.

Jim - you want info, I want to go home

Jim grimaces.  

Eduardo’s not going to go for that.

Oswald smiles before pressing Jim’s button

I'm sorry – I thought you were in charge

Jim grimaces angrily and leans on the table

Even if I were to let you go – the army is going to come after you: things are changing in Gotham

I'll take my chances

Jim blinks.  He seems, to be honest, tired and uncertain.

Do you want Nygma or not?

Jim looks at him, and then glances sidelong at where Eduardo waits outside.

Jim leaves the interrogation room and talks to Eduardo

I know where Nygma’s going

Eduardo looks at him, then past him, nudging the door to let it swing open – revealing an empty room. He looks back at Jim

I trust you know what you’re doing?

They leave to go find Ed

(An aside. Quite a complicated little scene.  Neither Jim nor Oswald want to be in that room – but external forces have shoved them in there anyway.  

There’s a lot of history in the looks that are going back and forth.  Like I said, we have the explicit acknowledgment that Jim is likely to offer Oswald sympathy when others won’t.  We also have the open admittance that Jim knows Oswald sees him as a soft touch, and that he will likely give in anyway – just not in this particular circumstance, because the destruction of Haven was such a big deal.

Oswald also knows that pressing Jim’s buttons over control and power is likely to be effective.

Last up – we have Jim obliquely warning Oswald of the danger the army poses to him.  He’s not threatening him here, or trying to intimidate him.  If anything, his tone is almost pleading.  He doesn’t know how handle this situation.  He’s asked for help – and help has finally arrived – but Jim’s not actually sure what to do with it now it’s here.  Eduardo plainly told Jim that Oswald was at the top of their hit list.  Jim’s response?  Let him go, warn him that danger is coming.)

 In some lab facility somewhere, a body slides down a hatch.

It’s Hugo!

He’s complaining that the last body he was brought was gangrenous and completely unsuitable. When he turns, though, he sees Ed pointing a gun at him

Mr Nygma

Ed want to know how he control of his alter ego.  He’s rambling a little, talking about his Ed side.

A curious Hugo remarks that he is Ed Nygma.

Ed says he’s also the Riddler.

Hugo’s professional side makes a rare appearance

How interesting

He adds, though, that he knows nothing about all that.  He just tinkered and inserted a chip in his brain.  

Ed wants to know who requested this.  Hugo says he’ll write it down, so he can truthfully say that he didn’t tell Ed who was responsible.  His pen, though, contains knock-out gas – which he sprays at Ed.

Hugo says that he’s mystified as to how Ed regained any awareness – and that he’ll just have to open him up and take a look under the roof.  

 Bruce is at GCPD looking for Jim.  Instead, he finds Harvey, working at his desk

Sorry kid – it’s just me

He quickly takes in Bruce’s obvious distress, and takes his glasses off to regard him more carefully.

You all right?

Bruce says he’s fine – just looking for Jim. He remarks that he saw soldiers downstairs, trying to make some conversation – but still seeming distracted.  Harvey watches him, concerned.

Yeah, the Army's finally gotten off their asses and decided to help.  Jim's out with them now.  Are you sure you're all right?

A tearful Bruce says that he doesn’t know.  His usual careful defences crumble.

I see people losing their will to do good.  People I love.  What if we don't make it out of this?

Harvey looks at him. His face is sombre.

I'm not gonna lie, kid.  These past few months, I've wondered the same thing.  And when I don't know what to do, I come up here and I dig into these case files. I sit my ass down and I get to work.  I used to hate this kind of paperwork; now it's the only thing that keeps me going.  Why? Because the little things matter.  Act by act, deed by deed, it means something.  Even if no one notices or cares.

Bruce listens – taking in what he says

Thanks, Harvey.

He then does the classic Batman quick exit – leaving a slightly befuddled Harvey

(An aside - This scene between Bruce and Harvey was really lovely.  Bruce is tired, upset, and worried about Selina.  He's lost his conviction that things will work out, and everything looks hopeless to him right now.  Harvey doesn't have the answer to any of that - but he does have an honest way to go on with things: do the work.  It doesn't have to be showy and praised by all and sundry.  Do something useful - and know that the deed itself and the results are both worthwhile.

It was an understated scene that still got across some very big issues.

There’s the flagging of some key differences between Jim and Harvey – Jim’s need to be seen as a hero, and Harvey not sharing that same concern.  There’s also insight into how someone who is as fundamentally unhappy and alone as Harvey finds a meaningful way of living.  There’s also how much Harvey has changed since we first met him.

It's sweet, too, that Bruce confides in him.  They don't know each other well - but he's still been a constant.  Equally sweet is how Harvey talks to him.  He doesn’t coddle him, or just try to cheer him up in the way that Alfred or Jim might.  He’s simply honest.  No platitudes, and no inspirational speech.  He tells Bruce he’s just as scared as he is, and then offers him a way to deal with his fear.  

Now - compare that simple moment of compassion, all the subtleties and pathos, and all the meaning it holds with the yelling and stilted dialogue at City Hall with Ed and Oswald.  The difference is glaring.)

Hugo has top of Ed's skull off – pretty much like Hannibal tried to do to Will. According to Hugo, the gas he used on Ed immobilised him – but he can still feel pain.  A simple reboot will fix the problem, though.

 A City Hall, Oswald carries his dog along to a hatch in the floor.  He carefully descends a ladder, still carrying him, and turns on a light. It’s a massive vault – full of gold and money and shiny things.  

He smiles and tells the dog that the time has come for a change of scenery

I’ve said this for ages, sweetie.  You’ve got all that crime money.  Buy yourself a flat in Paris, another in Berlin.   Florence, Athens, Barcelona…. go for it.

 Back in the lab.  Hugo says the electric charge must have overloaded the chip – but he’d fixed it.  He will pass the good news to his handler.  His smiles disappears when he realises that a gun is being held to his head.

He protests.  He’s just helping a man who needs medical attention! Hugo is vile – but BD Wong is fantastic.

Jim walks round Hugo to look at Ed, whose eyes are open.  Hugo petulantly says he gave him biomedical anaesthesia – and brings him round.

Ed screams in pain and then immediately protests his innocence

I told you wasn't me!

Jim tells Hugo to talk. He says a contract came along, and developed a tool – gesturing to Ed, who is indignant.

How dare you

Eduardo contacts one of his men and tells him to escort Hugo out.  He leaves with a ta ta

He smirks at an incredulous Jim

Sorry pal - this part of the op is need to know

Apparently Walker – the woman Jim has been talking to one the radio – wants Ed taken out now.  

Jim is puzzled – asking if Walker is behind this - controlling Nygma

Eduardo shrugs that he hates the spooks crap.  He just follows orders

Jim mentions Haven – reeling from the idea that Walker might have been behind it.

Eduardo says Jim is to put a bullet in Ed's brain

Jim replies with a flat no

Eduardo tells him to call it proof of loyalty - what Walker needs to see from him before she implements the relief plan.  He tries to persuade him

Look at him.  He's a loon. A cop-killer.

(An aside – the strong feeling we’re getting from Jim at this point is ‘yeah – but he’s my loon’ – in the same way that this is his screwed-up home, and his tyrannical gangster.  I suspect this storyline might have lasted longer had the season not been truncated – and we’d have seen Jim gradually pull away from Eduardo, the man he thought was his friend, to acknowledge that he belongs to Gotham, and has emotional ties there that he’s not willing to break.)

Jim just wants the truth: did Walker destroy Haven?

Eduardo tells him ours is not to reason why – and says this is his chance to be part of the plan.

He adds that if Jim can’t pull the trigger on Ed – I’ll pull it on you

Jim stares

You’d kill me for some bureaucrat?

Eduardo is unperturbed. There’s really not one thought rattling around in that big beardy head of his

Mission comes first - you taught me that.  What's your answer?

Jim says he saved his life one too many times.  He feints putting his gun down, and then runs and escapes down the hatch in the wall we saw earlier.  Wheeee!

Eduardo presses a button, and orders EdBot to find Jim and kill him

EdBot immediately complies, and also goes wheeeeee down the chute.

Eduardo watches him go – secretly envious that his orders apparently don’t allow him to go wheeee too.

Aha – so this is where that absurdly beautiful image of Jeremiah came from. He’s lying down, eyes shut, in some kind of cave.  We see a rock pulled aside by Ecco

Boss - wake up

Jeremiah winces as he sits up.  Ecco asks sympathetically if the stitches are still sore, and tells him he should have worn the armour she made.

Jeremiah curls his lip contemptuously, and tells her the bullet is making her sentimental – she should gave it a shake.  Ecco obligingly does so – and nods excitedly when he asks her if that’s better.

He tells her he had to let Selina stab him once - verisimilitude trumps precautions.  Ecco nods – and says Bruce and Selina had to think he was dead.  Jeremiah rolls his eyes at her summary, and comments impatiently that he takes it she has news.  She replies that it’s all systems go, and they head out.

(I suppose this is essentially canon, but – wow, does Jeremiah treat his ‘girlfriend’ with contempt).

Is Jeremiah in Wayne Manor? He addresses a man in a white coat, telling the dr he’s hearing good things.  The doctor tells him his assistant thought he’d like to see the results.

Jeremiah is wide-eyed as he approaches two people we can only see from behind – who look, as best as memory serves, to be Bruce's parents.

Jeremiah laughs for a second, then opens his eyes wide – and tells them they look beautiful

I just love family reunions - don't you?

Jeremiah, confronted with the problem of what gift you can buy for your billionaire crush who likely has everything, has seemingly got very creative and cloned his dead parents.

General Observations

Jim is doing a classic Jim. He's been unhappy about the situation in the city for weeks – pleading for help.  But now that official help of a sort has shown up - the kind Jim should want, and should back, and should identify with - he's wobbling. He balks at the idea of shooting Ed.  He had no interest in arresting Oswald, let alone any qualms about letting him go, and looked downright unhappy in the interrogation room.  When push comes to shove, Jim has relationships with these people - whether he’ll acknowledge it or not

To analyse it more closely in terms of Jim's psychology - the army element plays a role too.  He might talk about his time there fondly - but, ultimately, he chose to leave. When Barnes - who was father figure and army past combined - showed up, Jim barely waited until the end of his first episode before disobeying him to going off to see Oswald – leaning on their special relationship and warning him about the new regime.

He repeats that pattern again here.  Jim might want to represent that kind of authority - but a part of him is always looking to buck it, too.  It's part of the reason, I think, that he and Oswald are more likely to squabble during Oswald's particularly tyrannical phases.

And all of that disquiet is even before we find out that Walker is likely corrupt and dreadful.

 The whole thing with Ed. Eh.  I know what they’re trying to do here. The problem, for me, is that it’s not really outside the bounds of possibility that Ed could knowingly have destroyed Haven.  Sure – the whole affair would have been showier, and Ed would have made some kind of speech beforehand – but still.  Ed - and Barbara – actually, both watched from a high window while Gotham tore itself apart under the Tetch virus.  Neither of them flinched at what they saw.

It’s weird – because you don’t need to downplay Ed’s capacity for sadistic violence in order to also entertain the notion that part of him might be horrified by it.  That, after all, is a crucial part of his characterisation: that he is frequently fractured, with various facets of his personality more or less dominant.  In season one, we saw that certain aspects of his personality were almost completely suppressed.  Later, we saw the season one version of him humiliated and berated by darker aspects of his personality, as well as horrified by what it had him do when it ‘took over’.  

So – you can have your cake and eat it really – you can have a character who is capable of dreadful things, as well as the tragedy that some drowned part of him is horrified and disgusted by what he has done, and simply endures it with no ability to speak up. That would work with Ed’s extreme rage and fear at the loss of control he’s been enduring.

What doesn’t work, though, is retconning him to be a better person than he is. I’ve watched Ed torture because he enjoyed it.  Kill because he felt like it.  I’m not entirely sure I buy that he’d be horrified by what happened to Haven.

Miscellaneous

I have no idea whether Selina knows about Tabitha yet.  She must – it makes no sense that she wouldn’t – but there was no indication of her reaction to that.

Similarly – I don’t really understand why no-one has said a word about Lee yet.  I’m guessing it’s because we’re simply not ‘there’ yet in the story – but it makes no logical sense.

Alfred said a lot that was true about respecting Selina’s decision, but – ultimately- his advice to leave Selina alone simply comes off as callous.

Lucius must have had a day off today.

[myheadcanonacademia]

Do you write drabbles? Ive been thirsting for some first kiss headcanons. Deku, Baku-boi, Kirishima, Denki, Todoroki... as many of the bois as you possibly can. i need it.

above + Shinso

Deku:

Izuku and you lay snuggled together against the wall behind his bed. around the both of you a cacoon of blankets and pillows kept you both warm on the cold rainy day. outside a storm shook the windows. it was just one of those hot chocolate and horror bad horror movie kind of days. you snuggled up closer to Izukus chest, you gazed at his peaceful face as he scrolled through the netflix selection. 

“Izuku…?” 

His big green eyes look over to you, still scrolling though out of the corner of his vision. “yeah?” 

“could we… could you..” you mumbled. it had been a few weeks since you had gotten romantic with Izuku. it was just something that happened the moment you met him, you just worked well together. “id like it if you kissed me.” 

Izuku turned bright red. “yeah sure… I..” he awkwardly reached out to grasp your face, but changed his mind and put them on your shoulders. but that wasnt right either. you took his hands in your and put them on your waist. your mouth was as dry as his but there was nothing else in this world that you wanted more. he brought his face close to yours, your eyes fluttered shut as you made your move, your lips just brushing his. Izuku grasped your shirt, clenched his eyes shut and pressed his lips to yours in the sweetest, most gentle kiss ever given.

He pulled back after a few seconds, both of you shaking under the covers. “thanks…” you breathed.

“can we… could i do it again?” he asked with a broad smile.

Bakugo:

Bakugo hated firsts. he got nervous and then he got sweaty and not only was it gross when he sweat he had a tenancy to… explode. so yeah Bakugo hated firsts. and this was going to be his first kiss. the first in a long like of sexual firsts that in his opinion was taking to long to get through. in his mind he knew he was a sex god, but when given opportunity he often chickened out. its was all just so flustering and he hated being flustered. 

He walked his date up to her dorm room. No doubt all of the girls on the floor were watching. he shook the idea of an audience from his mind. this was his moment. focus. think of it like any other obstacle to destroy. focus. plan. attack. he could do this.

You turned to him, taking your time getting out your keys out and opening your dorm room. “i had a really great time tonight. Id love to go again.” you grinned at him. he face looking considerably less relaxed. Bakugo on a date had been entirely different than expected. he had been aggressively gentleman like and very sweet. he had even won you a toy in a claw machine. but now…

“yeah me to. bye.” Bakugo ran for it. he couldnt do it. ‘you little bitch’ he screamed internally. he got to the elevator and turned around. his date had gone into her room. fuck.

he smashed his head against the wall, slapped himself in the face and about turned and marched straight back to your door. he pounded on the wood until you opened it. he reached in, grabbed you by the ears and smashed your lips together. after a moment he released you. bakugo was panting, his fists were clenched at his sides. “there i did it. And i had an amazing time, i really like you a lot and im sorry that im bad at this romantic shit because your deserve better. please go out with me again damn it. fuck you.” he blurted out in one breath. you laughed and pulled him down for another kiss. 

Kaminari:

You had his headphones on. his big fancy ones he used for his sound board. he had just mixed a new song and wanted your opinion. you and kaminari… denki… had been flirting for a long while. whenever you were cold he was there with a jacket and a hug, he was always touching you when you hung out with friends, you both were obviously interested in each other but both were as inexperienced and shy as well. he sat in front of you waiting for the song to finish, but you really didn’t want it to. there were so many layers, skill in the engineering. he wasn’t a natural born musician but there was skill in his editing work. 

he was saying something to you. you slid on ear cuff off. “what was that.”

he went pink. “nothing just… you look cute in headphones.”

“I look cute in your headphones. they are so fancy. mine are from the discount pile.” you laughed. he smiled and fixxed the headphones back over your ears. your couldnt hear a thing he was saying to you but he was blushing. he was so fucking cute. “i cant hear you!” you said way too loudly. he had winced and laughed at the volume of your voice. 

he motioned for you to close your eyes. you did so. letting the music surround you, overpowering your other senses. but suddenly Kaminari was touching your arm, your hand. he rested your palm against his warm cheek, he kissed your fingers. you gulped, your eyes still closed. he scooted closer to you. you concentrated on the sounds in your ears. his hand slid along your jaw line and his thumb rested against your cheek. he was talking again but you couldnt hear the words, just felt his breath on your lips.

and then he kissed you. one small peak on the lips and then another. the third kiss lasted the longest. you reached out for him. gripping the sides of his face. your eyes still closed you pulled him close and deepened the awkward kiss. neither of you had any skill. when it was over you opened your eyes. he was smiling.

Kirishima:

Your knees hurt from your spot on the floor in the girl locker room. it was your turn to hold the phone. you all knew it was creepy and you were all being just as bad as Minata but you all just couldnt help it. today had just been one of those days to misbehave. you werent recording or anything, but if you held the camera up to the hole in the wall just right everyone would be able to see the goings on of the boys locker room, which honestly wasn’t as thrilling as you all had expected when the idea had been suggested. of course they talked but it was pretty easy to hear them through the wall. turns out all they did was just… get changed. 

No fluffy white towels just barely holding onto their hips, no wrestling under the showers, no slap-ass. nothing. just costume off, clothes on. a few of them would cloud the air with various body sprays. 

“this isnt as fun as i thought. the guys are always running around naked anyway.” Momo muttered. “Bakugo was literally standing in the fridge lastnight in his boxers.”

“i guess so…” you kept up the phone hoping to catch something good while the other girls wondered back to their lockers to get ready. and then Kirishima sat down on the bench directly in the view of the camera. and your heart skipped a beat. you were disgustingly in love with him. he had his pants on, his blazer and shirt over his arm while he pulled on his shoes. he was waving goodbye. the boys must be done. he sat quietly for a moment, then buried his face in his palms and took a breath. you got the feeling you shouldnt be watching, but your interest kept you locked in. he smacked his cheeks a little and ran his hands through his relaxed hair. he pulled out his phone and seemed to be playing with it for a moment before making a decision. 

“just fucking call her.” bakugo was a bad influence on him.

suddenly your camera turned off to show you an incoming call, Kirishima. “hey.” you answered. 

“hey are you out of the locker rooms yet?” he asked. 

“not yet.” pressed your eye to the hole trying to see him. this was weird.

“im just leaving i was wondering if you could meet me… ughh… down on the track when your done. real quick i just need some… notes from class.” you could see Kirishima pull the phone from his ear and smack himself in the head a few times. before continuing. 

“sure, ill be down soon.” you hung up. but kept watching him. the red head stood pulling his arms through his shirt, he seemed to be trying to pump himself up a little, then he left the locker room. 

You found him leaning against a wall down by the track. everything was shadowy and it was getting cold. “… Kirishima?” you asked. it was obvious something was going on here.

“hey… uhh… I wanted to tell you that you were really good at battle training today, sorry i punched you in the face tho…”

“i thought you wanted notes…”

“notes? oh yeah i did… for..”

“kirishima?”

“can i kiss you?” he wasnt even looking at you. he was trying to dig a hole with his shoe. 

“yes.” you breathed, shocked at yourself for just agreeing so easily. he was just so handsome in the setting sunlight. 

“Im sorry i didnt mean… its just i… yes?” he looked up at you. you placed your hand on his muscular arm and looked up at him waiting. 

“yes you can kiss me.” you repeated. “i want you to kiss-”

He leaned down and pressed his lips to yours in a deep kiss. you both stood frozen as he pulled away. his mouth open showing you his sharp rows of teeth. “thank you.” he smiled. 

“we should do it again sometime. maybe after dinner and a movie.”

Todoroki:

you  followed where he led, your hand squeezed in his as he pulled you away from the party he father had put together. the giant home was filled with people who neither of you knew but all sucked up to Shouto because of who his father was. he had brought you along as his date, which would make sense since the two of you had been going on dates once a week or so. You had confessed to him how you felt on a whim, for some reason feeling brave that day and Shouto had actually responded. it didnt hurt that the first time you both had met, before you had known who he was you had been aggressively ranting to your friends about your dislike of Endeavor.  

Shouto led you to a small gazebo in his back yard. it was surrounded by gardens and there were twinkling lights tied around the bushed. it was a beautiful warm summer night. 

“i actually dont hate parties.” Shouto confessed. you stayed silent, letting him speak. “i like being around people and i like having fun and seeing people smiling.”

“the champagne isnt bad either.” oh yeah, and you had been supporting a half full flute in your free hand. you sipped at the bubbling liquid. it was your second glass and it was going to your head. 

“And the champagne as well.” he smiled taking a seat on the bench. you snuggled up close to his side and let him hook his arm around your waist. Shouto chatted on about how much he hated his father and listed all the reasons why he was the worst. you sipped on your drink happily enjoying the lights and the crickets in the garden.

“you know what would really make him mad.” you smiled. “if he walked out here and saw his son making out with a nobody like me.” it wasnt a secret that Endeavor didnt approve of his son courting you. in his eyes you didnt come from a wealthy family, and your quirk while useful added nothing to his gene pool. nothing that he was interested in anyway.

“your not nobody. Your my girlfriend.”Shouto snapped. 

“im your girlfriend now?” you poked at him. “and your my boyfriend i guess too right?”

“thats usually how it works.” he raised an eyebrow at you. 

“i dont know how ive gotten myself a boyfriend and still havent been kissed.” you laughed. maybe it was time to put the champagne down. 

“ive never been kissed either…”shouto muttered. 

“maybe we should just kiss eachother.” you smirk. gazing at him hungrily. Shouto nodded and then turned towards you, he leaned forward but paused. 

“should i… or do we meet in the middle…?” you were more in shock that he was actually kissing you. now here. like this. and you were drunk. why were you always drunk. you leaned forward and met his lips half way, kissing softly at first but the kiss deepened. it got more and more passionate, his hands holding your waist and then your neck, then knotting his fingers in your hair. his tongue danced over your lips and pushed into your mouth. neither of you knew what your were doing but you had seen lots of movies and the alcohol gave you the confidence to encourage him. 

the both of you sat like that for a long while, making out under the fairy lights as the summer air shilled your skin. when finally you both pulled away panting. you smiled at him.

“fuck you dad…” he muttered as he went in for another.

Shinso: 

you at on his bed as angry as you had ever been in your life. “and why not” you asked again. “i thought this was going well.”

“you dont understand, i want to im just…” Shinso was sitting in his desk chair, looking at his feet. “its not so easy to…”

“i want you do though. i want you.” you growled. “is it so much to ask for a kiss!?”

“no it isnt… but… it is.”he put his head in his hands. his body was tense and one of his legs shook uncontrollably fast. “its too easy for me to loose control, to not use my quirk.” he tried to explain. “All i need to do is to know what i want them to say. then i ask my question and they are mine. Do you have any idea how many times in the past ive accidentally used my quirk on someone. I brainwashed a classmate for an entire period because i had asked him for a eraser.”

it would have been a kind of funny story in a different situation. told by someone else. but in this situation, to shinso what it meant was that if he ever lost focus he could… in his mind he could hurt people he loved.

“i love you shinso.”

“i love you too.” 

“then why wont you have me.” you begged him. pleaded with him to accept you, to embrace you, to kiss you. 

“you know why.” he hissed. 

You stood up and caged him in against his chair, you gripped his chin and forced him to look up at you. all the hurt and rage you possessed burned in your eyes, but his gaze was much weaker. he broke eye contact. “please dont.” he spoke.

“I dont know what ill do without you Shinso…” you were on your knees before him, you rested your head on his lap and cried. he shook under you and pet your hair. 

“please…. please dont cry… dont…. not because of me.” he lifted your head. “if i kiss you will you promise…. please dont cry.” he begged.

“ask me to kiss you.” you demanded. “I need you to ask.”

“why.”

“because i trust you.”  

“but i dont trust me… its not fair… please dont put this… dont make me.” now it was his turn to cry.

“you wont. i know you wont.” you pet his cheek, brushing away the tears. You leaned forward and pushed your lips against his. he responded, his face still wet with tears. you both whispered ‘i love you’s back and forth between kisses. when you were both tired he gathered you up in a tight hug. you lead him to the bed and you let him make himself comfortable with his head on your chest.

[ministryofgamers]

The FIX - Bren

I’ve been doing YouTube for a LONG time now, well 8 years certainly sounds like a long time to me.. but eerily doesn’t feel like a long time. We’ve been through so many changes and trails, trying different things, making movies, TV shows, Interviews, Press events... you name it, as a content creator for the video game community I’ve made it. I’ve always wanted to be a successful youtuber when it came to video-games, these days that usually means you have to figure out a silly name and play lots of games and make a fool of yourself (and yeah i’ve done that too). A youtube star is someone that has millions of followers, uploads daily, sometimes twice daily, but I have none of those things... does that mean i’m not successful? I dont’ think so. I’ve conducted interviews with lead game designers, been to top tier invite only press functions, had 2 shows on UK TV for video games, a movie, and run an active community driven youtube channel that has a great gathering of awesome people. So why is it that I feel like I’ve failed somehow? is it because I didn’t find the right audience? is it because I didn’t get launched to super stardom for my time as a games journalist... would I even want that if it came knocking... i’m not even sure I would like it to be honest. It's strange, I've always felt like I’ve wanted to be successful in making video content, films, art, always wanted to entertain and make something that would make someone say “wow” and I have done that, but on a small scale.

Now on Youtube I see things are very different, attention spans are miniscule, kids are starting channels left right and centre, no knowledge of how to frame a good shot, how to use a decent microphone, no knowledge on how to make a proper video... vertical videos of cats being dicks, fail videos, pranks, challenges, all of that stuff to me is benine crap,  redundant. I feel the same about reality TV and how most formats prey on schadenfreude( german phrase meaning "to take pleasure in anothers missfortune") I find it nausiating that television, for the most part, has become so mundane, fuelled by adverts and les than average production values. I recently watched a shocking piece of output form the BBC where they seem to have forgotten that sound levels are important... as well as whitebalance and did the OP forget his tripod? Hand held is ok, but this chap looked like he'd had a bit too much rum in his coffee that morning.  

Anyway, back to Youtube. I'm a part of a few "small youtuber" groups on facebook, basically if you don't have 500,000 subs these days you are considered to be pretty small time. And in these groups I see thousands of the same posts everyday "yay i got 20 subs" or "how many views do i need before i can monetize." and the best one "sub for sub anyone?" honestly pretty much everyone on those groups that i've looked at (except one or two) literally have no fucking idea what they are doing and couldn't make a video if it meant saving their own life. Time and time again I see the same shit, constantly. It honestly makes me Wince at the thought that these kids are about to embark on the most dissapointing crusade of thier lives.  I started youtube in 2009 and it was a bloody good time to do so as there were pretty much no such thing as lets plays or video game shows etc... we had an amazing show, 4 presenters, heavily edited reviews, sketches, comedy! And best of all we were in with the big boys, interviewing people I never thought i'd ever get to meet!  "But Bren, why didn't you just keep going with that?" Well, thats a whole different story and i'll just sum it up by saying there were differences of opinion and it fell apart.

Starting GameGazmTV was very freeing... I had decided that I needed a platform where I didn't care too much about what content I put on it... I had boxed up my camera equipment and used a phone to film most of the stuff for it... we slapped half naked manga girls all over it with flames and rock music in the hope that we would offend someone enough to just come and look at the channel... even the name "GameGazm" was fucking ridiculous. It wasn't long before we started to slowly change everything. Removing the semi naked girls, and some "dead weight" and started to clean up the brand... but it didn't do anything really.. I started to slip back into the "everything must be good" routine, so started heavily editing videos again, making bigger productions, adding more visual effects to everything... graphical updates, weekly updates, started doing let's plays for more content, live streams... then by year 4 we changed the name fully to Ministry of Gamers in the hope of finally shedding the GameGazm crappy beginnings. And now I've suddenly realised... that I hate most of it... I look back at a lot of our content and pretty much 90% of it I could throw in the bin and no one would bat an eyelid. The content I love the most on our channel is 2 videos... Solstice and Top Gun. 2 videos that I think are actually really worth watching... the rest of them i'm not that bothered about... but solstice and top gun both took 6 weeks each to make... thats a lot of time... and then the most successful video on our channel is a video about a fucking controller that we shot in an hour because we thought "why not" I couldn't give a crap about that controller... but its the only video that i've spent the least amount of time on and its the most successfull thing ive ever made.... talk about a kick in the teeth... thats some way to really get yourself down.

Up until this point if you asked me is YouTube worth doing, should I start a channel? I would have said " yeah its really fun to do, and totally worth it." but ask me right now? i'd say "no... don't do it.. its really not worth the stress you'll put yourself through, its not worth seeing comments like "shut up and stop reviewing games you fat cunt." on a video that you spent DAYS writing, recording, editing.  Its not worth making any video that takes you longer than an hour to do, because honestly... your effort is the last thing youtube gives a crap about." Youtube does not care if you stayed up for a week straight slaving over an edit, making sure your colours are good, sound is balanced, Youtube doesn't care if you spent days crafting a CGI intro for your channel, making custom graphics, building a brand! It DOESN'T CARE... but make a controller video, slap it up, and youtube will give you £300 and a pat on the head..... great... just film your cat doing something retarded and you'll be a millionaire in no time. don't worry about talent... its not required here.

Basically youtube isn't the kind of platform I would like to be on. But not being on Youtube is like saying "I don't want to be on the biggest viewing platform available." throughout my video carrer I've only ever really been interested in making content about videogames. It's my passion so what else would I do? I have a couple of thoughts about other avenues I could explore. But if I really cared about them then I would have been doing it already. No I still care about making content for videogames but now its time to change the focus... change the direction because something has to change... i'm no longer going to use youtube as a platform to give content thats about something else.. i'm going to make it about ME and my team as people, its not a show anymore. I want it to document OUR struggle, OUR journey through a project, how we as people are focused on making entertainment. Youtube doesn't need another gaming channel, it needs to hear about how crushingly difficult it is to get anywhere with content creation, and thats where I want to be now. I'll be working on something I really care about, and i'll provide updates to that on youtube.

I can't keep going the way I have been, a constant viscious circle of dissapointment and failiure, over and over. I'm done trying to fill a gap that just doesn't need to be filled. There are other ways I can use my time and thats the most precious thing to all of us.. becasue there really isnt' that much of it.

Why have I written this? I guess to just put it all down somehwere other than my head.. the more I write at the moment the more I feel it leaving me.. literally like ive turned a tap on and the water was filthy and its slowly starting to clear up. My main point to all of this though was to fully understand why i'm so successful at failing, I make incredible work that never gets anywhere and no one really cares that much about, but its still MY work, and even if only one person sees it and is entertained by it, then to me, i've won. So in closing, I am a youtuber, and a fucking successful one.  And no one really knows it...... yet, and of course i'll never give up, I firmly believe I have something to offer a wide audience, i'm not quite sure what that is yet, but I feel like its my mission to figure it out, I owe it to myself to keep trying! and always give my best. Take pride in what you do, and if you believe in something enough, you will get it... after a long bitter road of absolute mental turmoil.... you'll get it.

Bren.

[akxyaptn-blog]

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[noodlenutter]

i met my childhood idol TWICE this weekend and i dont think im gonna be the same ever again

super longwinded and probably kinda cringey/obsessivly detailed post under the cut

ok so when i was 11 there was a show on cbbc called mission 2110 and the main character, caleb, was this cyborg dude w a robot arm and headset and he was fighting against evil robots who’d taken over the world, and most importantly, he was played by stuart goldsmith. 

i saw a sign around uni for a comedy show at the basement, york, by (you guessed it) stuart goldsmith. so of course i had to go, if only to make childhood-me happy

i turned up alone and Very early. i waited outside the venue for a while and saw stu leave and go for a walk around york but I wasn’t 100% sure it was him so i didnt approach him then

when we finally got in i sat on the front row between a group of elderly people and a drunk hen party - as soon as stuart got on stage, he started his introducing himself/the show, talking about the venue and warming up the crowd spiel, but instantly froze when he saw the hen party (he was surprised that they were there and kept sort of forgetting his train of thought and going back to the fact the entire front row was a hen party, cos they’re not his usual audience)

he started the gig and im not gonna go into huge detail about that in this post cos there’s no way i’d do any of it justice thru words (plus theres gonna be a tour dvd sometime ;) ) but at some points he interacted with the audience (usually the front row) so i’ll mention those 

the first Direct Interaction was when he spat directly onto my shoe while talking. he looked right at me, stopped his joke, and said ‘yes, i know what just happened. i know. it was Entirely Intentional.’ and kept going as if nothing had happened at all (it was fuckin hilarious cos no one else even saw it happen so the crowd was like ?????)

& for the part where he asked about jobs, he asked me and i said i was a student so he firstly asked what i wanted to do after - but straight away asked what i studied. i shrugged as a response to what i want to do after the degree (cos who knows lmao) but he took that as a response for what i study and made some quip about me not even knowing what i study n how that’s just a Typical Student Thing isn’t it?

(apparently when robots take our jobs, psychologists will be replaced by tape recorders on legs)

during the break (NOT an interval) i was talking to the people beside me (not the ones in the hen party) about york and scarborough and floods and bands and everything, they were so nice 

not much happened in the 2nd half of the show (other than the fact i almost CRIED laughing, honestly that dude is SO funny), but he said he was gonna hang around afterwards to sell tshirts and say hi to people, so i decided to ask him about cbbc’s mission 2110 (which was my favourite show ever and also the place i know him from)

so, after he’d told his last joke (one about raisins, which i remembered on the drive home and had to pull over cos i was laughing so hard i thought i was gonna crash the car), he said goodbye and got off stage etc etc, i queue up to say hi. straight away he reaches out to shake my hand & say ‘hi mate, thanks for enjoying the show’, that kinda thing

i asked him about m2110 and his face LIT UP, i thought he was gonna hate me for reminding him of it but he was happy and said that was his dream job, all the robots were played by his street performer friends, and he cant wait for the day that one of the kids from the show turns up to his gig

i asked him for a photo after that and he was like ‘yea, of course!! ill even do the pose!’ and put his hand to his face like caleb from m2110 did (im grinning at the memory while typing this, its such a dumb photo but i look insanely happy and he looks exactly as i remember caleb looking)

i asked how m2110 ended (i never got to see the last ever episode), and he looked like he was going to tell me but when i said i hadn’t seen the last ep he said ‘i’m not gonna tell you then!!’ (cmon mate its been deleted off the internet for like 8 years now :(!! )

all in all i think the first show was just how a typical comedy gig goes, but the 2nd show things got different (in a good way)

i decided to go again when i found out he was going to be in leeds 2 days later, and i took my friend who was disappointed that she’d missed the first show

we got to the front row and had to sit directly in front of him (we were gonna sit a bit further across but other people wanted to sit there first), so when he came up on stage to do his intro he glanced at me, then snapped back to do a double take - ‘are you BACK???’ he asked, pointing at me, ‘you were in york the other day, weren’t you?’

i gave him a thumbs up, high enough for most of the crowd to see, and he grinned, crouched a bit and started talking to me about the york show’s crowd - the fact there was a hen party, how surprised he was about them, and then that the weren’t as rowdy as we both thought they were going to be - after a minute or so, he stood up again and said ‘this is more of a chat than a show, isn’t it?’ & got on with the show.

i honestly can’t stop thinking about the “what’s your name, where you from, where d’you do your howling?” part of the show cos it’s never something i thought of before, but every day since then i’ve screamed in my car to a song and it’s kinda therapeutic (he pointed at me when he asked about howling, he points at a random audience member for each question) (also SOIL) (also also the bit about wanting to do a mic drop but with a microphone made of meringue) 

in the break, the person behind me tapped me on the shoulder and asked whether it was different from york or better/worse than york, and whether i’d been a fan for long, etc etc 

after the break, stu got back on stage and thanked us all for coming back - then asked whether there were any ‘guilty empty seats’ next to anyone. the guy in the seat next to mine didn’t return after the break, so the person next to him and i pointed at the empty chair on the front row (he said something about how he respects that decision cos the guy came alone anyway) 

“shall we mix this part up a bit? could you shuffle these?” he asked, and gave me the flashcards while explaining how this part of the show worked (he workshops jokes from flashcards, they’re in a set order for every other show but he wanted to make it different for leeds, and so gave me the cards to decide the order)

i panicked a bit though cos I was so shocked, so i just shuffled them randomly instead of reading the cards and what they said (oops), and i put an interesting one on top - it just said ‘R’ in a circle and i couldn’t think what joke that would have been so i put it first.

i gave him the cards back and he looked at the top one like ‘uhh, no, i cant do this one first, that’s possibly the best bit of them all it’s gotta go at the end’ (which made me realise it was the raisin joke at the end of the show, so i told him how it really is because I had to pull over on the drive home it made me laugh so much - to which he fist pumped and yelled ‘now THAT’S a review!’)

before moving onto the content on the cards he talked about how he wishes he could go on stage to an audience who’s already ‘warm’ to him so he doesnt have to waste his 2nd best joke so early in the show, so he was planning ideas to get the crowd hyped before he even came out. he sat on the empty chair next to me and talked about how if everyone’s hyped enough then he’ll get a standing ovation etc etc, then stood back up, jumped on stage, and we all stood with him and clapped - ‘yeah, keep going!!! no one sit down! dont do it!’, after a few seconds i was losing my balance but i thought it’d be Funny if someone sat down, and Funny if that someone was me, who everyone knew had been to the show before. so i sat. 

‘NO!! she’s sat down! that’s it i guess, it’s over isnt it, alright then, you can all stop now i suppose’ (tbf i feel slightly bad for it BUT it made it all funnier anyway so it’s chill, i hope)

because i hadn’t looked at the cards every time there was an unexpected one he glanced over to me, ‘is this really what you want? you want this one?’, sighed ‘okay then’ and did the bit. the one about the squirrel (’you really want the fuckin squirrel one???’) kinda flopped cos it built off a previous one in york so he said that at least he’s learnt that it has to be in a certain order to be funny (youre welcome)

after the show when i went to say hi & thank you for letting me control the cards etc (i never actually said that cos i got distracted, ended up talking about how one of my twitter friends & her family is friends with him and his family but he asked who i was talking about and im like ‘uhhh i dont know her name we use nicknames online uhhhhhhh sorry’ lol), when he saw me he lifted his arms and went straight in for a hug (I HUGGED MY CHILDHOOD IDOL) & thanked me for coming back again so soon

i asked if he could sign something for me but all i had was a yellow envelope (’oh! a yenvelope!’) nnd a sharpie wrapped in tissues cos it leaks (’uhhhh lucy, why is it wrapped in tissue? oh, it leaks? well, if i were you i’d wrap it in something, maybe a tissue?’) & signed the envelope with ‘you are too big a fan! :)’ which is the most true thing anyones ever said about me, ever. he also asked if i wanted a photo or anything but i said i’d already got one n he was like ‘oh of course you do’ lol

anyway yea we left after that and i’ve been screaming internally ever since cos i never thought id ever even meet him but then i saw him twice in 3 days and he recognised me, let me influence the show AND hugged me. im still amazed. im in awe. stuart goldsmith is such a wholesome guy and im waiting (im)patiently for his next tour

EDIT: i just remembered that during the last joke i was laughing so much that i was crying and i was fanning my face, and he saw and was like ‘are you ok there?? you good??’ which made me laugh even more, jesus,

[irregodless]

critical-quit

it's cool this was a one-off thing, but i don't see the brainwashing as a bad plot point

what upset me the most about it was that it really seemed to backpedal a lot on what wed already established

the rest under the cut because i talk entirely too much (and a great deal about nothing at that)

in the second game we met a cast of students who ALL had these horrible life experiences, were easily manipulated, or already barely hanging onto hope. so when we learned who they were outside, it became obvious how they could become so. it was a short drive in driving them up the wall.

but then junko just showed them a video and... poof. it completely changed them. thats why i feel its important here to distinguish something:

the difference between brainwashing and mind control. brainwashing is what cults do (as an example). a systematic reworking of ones own beliefs and warping of perception to force someone to think another way. but that isnt what junko did. junko showed them a video and they instantly became as obsessed with despair as she was. they knew their purpose as shsl despair. there was no vengeance toward a cruel world (like say with the warriors of hope) there was no internalized anger. it was a superimposed despair by junko herself. thats mind control. she effectively forced them to behave that way. which leads into my next issue:

not only that plot point, but the entire installment, did an awkward job of making junko seem more evil and destructive (which she admittedly might have needed help with) and the 77th class seem innocent so wed forgive them for being despair. but the thing is- that was the point of the second game! that was part of the twist! to grow attached to and empathize with these students who were later revealed to be monsters. but then we realize........ it wasnt their fault to begin with? it was never their fault. they had a video that forced them to behave that way. their backstories are blown out the window and replaced with “but junko made me do it.” and with something as simplistic as the student council massacre and chiakis execution (granted that WOULD be traumatizing and horrible especially with the film tricks she learned from ryouta, but i dont feel it would be enough to make a person whole heartedly pledge themselves to the sake of despair).

its the difference between the student council who sat in a dark room in monokuma heads, surrounded by his influence, watching the murders near a thousand times, ingraining every scene into their memories to fuel their hatred for the school that did this to them (so they thought). as opposed to... watching a video and “oh i guess im evil now.” i didnt care when they were un-despair-ified because it was never their fault. i didnt care when they said “oh, time to make up for all the bad things we did...” because it was never their choice! if junko had said “hey sonia isnt it fucked up ur not allowed 2 have emotions but everyone expects the world of u, maybe u should launch nukes at other countries or smthn idk just a thought” and sonia said “Ah Yes That’s A Great Idea” and did that of her own volition... itd carry weight. but instead, she was working as a proxy of junko. the irony is we were talking about the junko ai implanting plan earlier, but this way, it was practically a reality already! they were no longer acting under their own autonomy. they did not choose to let despair win. they were forced to behave that way

and it seemed like this, as a plot, was implemented solely for the sake of the twist of the future arc... which also wasnt all that great! it was an arc with very little catharsis for character oppositions, very few resolutions to character development, no stakes at all for our main six, an immediate and unglamorous villain decay of monaka that was as simple as “im over it im going to space now i guess because that makes sense and also didnt end up having any bearing on the plot” and meanwhile, the motive for the entire game seemed contrived (someone was affected by the despair video... but chose to interpret that as a means to wildly chase hope?) but those thoughts are an entirely other rant EDIT: to be fair this also applies to komaeda but komaeda is also a very special case of his very own

but my last point is this: it completely depersonalizes the entire phenomenon of despair. junkos plan all along was to plummet humanity into despair by herself. it was to prove that despair would ALWAYS beat out hope and was ultimately superior in every way. all hope ends in despair. no matter how strong. ill give her that since she wasnt televising it to make a point, HOW she went about doing it was less important in that sense, but it also meant she had very little to do with it herself. this entire empire she established for herself was based on her making someone else do the dirty work for her, essentially

in the end, she had little to do with that innermost circle of despair she “treasured” so much. she kickstarted the despair, but the perpetuators were basically just robots

the idea that despair is powerful (even if the moral of the game itself is that hope is MORE powerful) is completely thwarted if you have to perform LOBOTOMY on people to make them feel that way. junko is an organic villain. she behaves the way she does because its how she is and how she genuinely feels and thinks. but by distancing despair so much from average human nature, it makes her seem more synthetic than ever. like this is just a “junko thing” not a “the whole world is actually at threat of becoming like her” thing. it makes her less scary of a villain because she becomes less human. and it was her amazing humanity that made her such a compelling villain. the fact that she feels emotions like everyone, the fact that EVEN SHE HATES despair but subjects herself to it anyway for the very SAKE of despair. EDIT: (for the first few sentences) and if despair isnt viewed as powerful... then theres no threat. theres no longer a conflict

maybe im just an asshole, weve established ive had this habit of “not getting it,” but this is truthfully how i think. after thinking about it in detail and analyzing what it means for the rest of the plot, this is honestly how i feel about it.

i dont really hate dr3 but at the same time i cant like it since both of the plots centered around this very specific theme that very specifically contradicted other parts of the story and would sometimes rely on convenience to be told.

i feel bad for being like this, but i dont think that im wrong, or at least that im on the right train of thought. i mean no disrespect if you or anyone else liked it (and ill state for the record that the “trash” statement is only a joke on MewMew Kissy Cutie 2) and i can appreciate that some people find it a good addition

but i personally find way too many flaws with it from the way they handled seiko and rurukas relationship down to how they decided to handle one of the most pivotal events in junkos conquest that fans had been looking so forward to

i dont know, thats just me. im sorry

[viralhottopics]

Sorry Hopeless Romantics, But No One Actually Goes On The Bachelor For Love

As far as shallow reality TV shows go, The Bachelor is up there high in the rankings. 30 girls audition to compete for the love of a typically always shirtless guy who, in real life, none of these girls would even blink twice at.

Let me start off by saying Ive seen nearly every season of The Bachelor since I was old enough to watch it and each season they get crazier and crazier. Im still unsure of whether the people that go on this show are actually that nuts or are just getting a crazy television edit. But truth be told Im pretty sure its a little bit of both.

As viewers we dont all watch it because we are hopeless romantics who just want things to work out in the end.

We are watching to see just how crazy the people ABC cast are.

Especially this season with Nick Viall, who is pretty much famous for being an overly confident douchebag on reality TV, as the Bachelor, the entertainment factor was through the roof before it even premiered. He claims he wants real love and just to settle down now, which is probably because he is a 36 year-old man and he thinks thats what he be saying. But, like every immature guy on the planet, hes still having black out one night stands (with CRAZY Liz who came on the show to (re)test out their connection after already drunkenly hooking up with him at a wedding) and he gave the group date rose to Corrine (the girl who took her top off and told him to grab her boobs during their photoshoot).

But people love a bad boy which is why choosing Nick as the Bachelor was a smart move because even people that hate him are watching to see what (read: ) he does.

I just find it hard to believe that any sane girl (or guy) looking for true love would willingly sign up to go on a show where a bunch of other people date your significant other (Taylor whos real life occupation is the mental health counselor this season is not fooling me shes probably the craziest of them all). I mean this is exactly the opposite of what people typically want in a relationship.

Trust and loyalty are usually two big factors when it comes to settling down with a partner which is why I find it hard to believe serious people are using The Bachelor as their way to get engaged.

And I mean the track record of relationships that actually worked out in the end is pretty slim so you have to be pretty nave to go into this thinking you and this person are the one in a million.

But with Former Bachelor Contestant now seemingly becoming a job title for all the rejects who use the show to get Instagram modeling deals, blogs and club hosting gigs and more, contestants nowadays 99% of the time are fame seekers. Dont let them fool you otherwise. But this makes for the best TV. They are working that much harder to outdo each other, more than ever before.

This season it only took one episode in for a girl (the 24 year-old with a nanny) to say she can picture herself marrying Nick so the claws are already out.

People LOVE watching drama explode right in-front of their eyes, especially when it has to do with beautiful strangers on TV and not a part of their actual lives. I mean its only a few weeks into this season of The Bachelor and we have already had a slap in the face, a sex scandal, a topless photoshoot, and a drunken rant by a girl who isnt there to make friends.

So whether youve seen the show or not Im sure youve heard all the hype and just know that everyone who watches it doesnt buy into the fact that these people are actually in love we just like watching people get drunk, fight, and cry over the same guy in exotic locations once a week.

Read more: http://tcat.tc/2ld0IZL

from Sorry Hopeless Romantics, But No One Actually Goes On The Bachelor For Love