#eesh. maybe i need to like find some courses on how to do this again.

[dont-offend-the-bees]

Sometimes I read something very Smart and understand maybe 10-20% of it and actually get so mad/sad bc I can see in my mind's eye the alternate trajectory of my life where the English teacher's pet me of 15 yrs didn't have a massive mental breakdown and lose the ability to concentrate on books and the interest in analysing what made them good or bad for a whole fucking decade and made it to age 26 with a decent literary knowledge base and a extensive toolkit of reading comprehension skills and a boatload of informed opinions, and the current timeline version of me who's a mid-20s burnout with memory issues who has to keep flipping back to check names or turning helplessly to Google for fruitless context hunts gets so bitter and frustrated at how that guy probably gets to just breeze through the clever books and probably can even talk about them cleverly to others, like a PRICK

[zargsnake]

Knightkiller: Anakin and Obi-Wan’s First Adventure

Chapter 10: Gafia Chumpi

Word Count: 1493 Links: Chapter 1, Table of Contents

*   *   *

With all five lightsabers hidden in a case, Zlinky takes Jane up the elevator from the bottom floor to the arena floor. There is another crony already in the elevator, a Devaronian, whose horns poke out of poorly-broken holes in his helmet. He looks at Jane with unease, but addresses Zlinky in a friendly tone.

“Did you get any fried fluunies?”

“Uh... I'm allergic,” she replies.

“Oh. Okay. Sorry about that.”

“It's not your fault.”

“Right, I know, I meant ‘sorry’ as in, uh, I'm sympathetic.”

“Er, okay.”

“Not, as in, uh, I'm guilty.”

“Yeah.”

“Great. Uh. Sorry.”

The elevator door opens and Zlinky turns toward the arena -- then she pivots and walks with the crony instead, against the tide of people. They've already got a conversation going; she might as well get some information out of him.

“Hey!” she calls.

“Ah! Uh, hello.”

“What's your name, anyway? I'm new here.”

“Oh, um, I'm Gafia Chumpi. What's yours?”

“Zliiiiiiisl Watl.”

“Zlisl Watl?”

“Uh huh.”

“Oh. You must be very new. I haven't heard of you at all.”

“I am. So!” Zlinky clears her throat. “Uh, what made you go into the, uh, Jedi-killing business?”

“Oh, uh, well, I never really meant to. It's not that great a story.”

“Tell me.” She practices her mind-trick; against this guy, it’s fairly easy.

“Uh...well, I aged out of an orphanage on the fifty-thousand-ish-layer of Coruscant. It’s about in the middle. And I had a kinda hard time finding a job there. Plus, it's really not that great a planet, if you're not on the top layer.”

“Oh, I know. I'm from Coruscant too.”

“Really? Where?”

“You first!”

“Er, okay. Well. So I got a ticket offworld, to a place called Dantooine. Cuz I read a book, once, about some guys who, uh, sort of, herded kath-hounds there, and they had these great hats in the illustrations, and I thought, ‘Well, hey! I could do that!’”

“Uh huh,” says Zlinky.

This is nothing. I should go... 

Gafia can tell he's boring her. “Uh… Well…” He speaks faster. “So, I got to Dantooine, which is a really nice place to live, but uh, unfortunately, I wasn't really that great at kath-herding either. Still, I was set on getting that hat. So I was staring at this one hat in the store window, wondering how I would ever afford it, when these big goon-type guys approached me and asked if I wanted to make some money. Uh… That's, I guess, when things really started to go downhill.”

“Well. There's a universe where you said no, and then there's this one.”

“Huh?”

“Nevermind,” Zlinky mumbles.

“Er. Yeah. Uh. -- Well apparently, and I didn't really figure this all out until later, but they picked me out cuz I'm a Devaronian, and at the time I looked a lot like this other Devaronian, who was a Padawan at the Dantooine Temple. So they gave me a script and made me record this holo, saying I was in big trouble and all this stuff. And they sent the holo to the Padawan’s Jedi Master to lure her out, and I hid in this cave, and when she came to, uh, quote-unquote ‘rescue’ me, the whole cave turned out to be a ship and they blasted all of us off into space. Which … hadn't, really, been part of my plan. Such that I had one…”

“What happened to the Padawan Devaronian and his master?”

Gafia starts to turn into a busier hall, but Zlinky turns more confidently into an empty one, so he follows her.

“Well, I think the Padawan Devaronian is still on Dantooine. But her master ... I mean, Knightkiller gets what she wants, doesn't she?”

“I thought she only had the Lollian, the human, and their Padawans.”

“Huh? Oh, well, for the tournament, yeah, those are the only knights we've rounded up so far. But before that. Before Senator Dinv of Raktu gave us his sponsorship, and we got this big and legitimate.”

“This is hardly legitimate.”

“I mean, compared to what it was.”

“What was it like?”

“I've only been here, like, a year -- er, I guess, two years -- three, almost -- eesh -- but back before we got this station, we had a real dinky ship, a Corellian something-something with a big warehouse glued on top for fighting. Knightkiller would go toe-to-toe with any Jedi we could find for her. She used to do all the fighting herself. We went all around the galaxy to avoid detection, but that also made it harder to, uh, advertise, of course. I mean, those in the know, were uh... in the know. But that was only the top two-percent of death-match fans, the people who go to every game, who devote their lives to it. To casual fans, we were really unknown. We did get a bit of extra income from selling the lightsabers.”

Zlinky feels like there is ice in her heart. “How many Jedi have died?”

“...Er... I'm not... a hundred percent sure... usually we couldn't get a real Jedi; usually we'd just dress someone up, and give them a lightsaber, if we hadn’t had to sell it yet... How many real Jedi? ... Ten, I think...Twelve? Since I've been here.”

“How can you stand it? How can you do this?”

Gafia stops in his tracks and stares at her. “Well how can you stand it? You work here, too.”

“I -- I didn't know how awful it would be. I -- I had nowhere else to go.”

“... Well... Same with me, sister.”

She holds his arm. “We should both run away.”

“Run away? We can't. No one will forgive us. Everyone loves the Jedi.”

“Not everyone.”

“The courts certainly do. We'll be executed.”

“But maybe that's the right thing to do. We turn ourselves in, accept the consequences -- but we help the authorities track down this awful station and stop this awful sport.”

“...This sport is a lot bigger than you think it is, Zlisl,” Gafia says, more solemnly, taking his arm from her. “That's the first thing you learn in the biz. We can bring down one station, but it'll continue somewhere else. The corporations who sponsor these fighters -- they're household names.”

“But this--” Zlinky points at the ground, “-- is the only death match station killing Jedi.”

“Er ... As far as I know, yeah.”

“Why? Why's Glag-- I mean -- why's Knightkiller doing this? What's she got against Jedi?”

“That's the big question, isn't it? You wanna ask her?”

“Yes, in fact, I do.”

“Well, you won't. She'll kill you before you open your mouth. She can read insolent thoughts.”

“Why do you think she's doing this?”

“I…”

“You must have a guess. Tell me!”

“Alright, alright.” He keeps walking and speaks quietly. “Uh, well the rumor among us guards is that she used to be one. One of our lightsabers, we never sell. The rumor is, it's hers.”

“She never uses it?” Zlinky walks close beside him.

“Never.”

“But what happened?”

“Nobody knows.”

Zlinky grits her teeth. “Yeah, I get that. But what's the rumor?”

“Er... Well, they must have wronged her, right? Maybe they kicked her out. Or maybe she just got sick of their stupid rules.”

“Our rules are sacred.”

Gafia freezes, lifts up his comlink and presses a button. Zlinky can’t see his face under his helmet, but she senses his anger at being tricked.

“Jane!” says Zlinky.

With a loud cranking sound, Jane aims her arm-blaster at Gafia’s chest and neutralizes him.

Zlinky had led Gafia far from the crowd; the few people nearby stop and stare at the scene.

“Death match business! Carry on!” Zlinky insists in her deepest voice. She waves at them to continue walking, then she picks open the closest broom closet with her trusty screwdriver and drags the Devaronian inside. She checks his pulse; it isn't exactly steady, but it isn't completely still.

“I really, really need to talk to Tila...”

“ᴀᴍ ɪ ꜱᴇʀᴠɪɴɢ ʏᴏᴜ ᴛᴏ ʏᴏᴜʀ ꜱᴀᴛɪꜱꜰᴀᴄᴛɪᴏɴ, ɢᴜᴀʀᴅ?”

Zlinky pats Jane’s tall shoulder plate. “You're doing a great job, Jane. I'm sorry you're still missing parts.” She props up Gafia and takes off his helmet so he can more easily breathe. He’s very handsome, which affects her more than it should. “I’m missing parts, too,” she says and instantly regrets how dramatic that sounds.

“ɪ ꜰᴇᴇʟ ʟɪᴋᴇ ᴀɴ ɪɴꜱɪɢɴɪꜰɪᴄᴀɴᴛ ꜱᴘᴇᴄᴋ ɪɴ ᴀ ᴍᴇᴀɴɪɴɢʟᴇꜱꜱ ᴠᴏɪᴅ ᴡɪᴛʜᴏᴜᴛ ᴘᴜʀᴘᴏꜱᴇ ᴏʀ ᴄᴏɴɴᴇᴄᴛɪᴏɴ ᴛᴏ ᴀɴʏᴛʜɪɴɢ,” says Jane, with no such compunction.

Zlinky pats her shoulder again. “The Force connects everything.”

“ᴛʜᴇ ᴡʜᴀᴛ?”

“The... Look, you're not going to remember, so I'll just explain later. You've got a purpose now, anyway, you're protecting me. I'm sure I'd be dead without you.”

“ᴇʜʜʜʜʀr҉r҉r҉g҉g̴̣͆̀̔g̴̨̭̗̠̱̩̖̙̽̓̈́̒͝,” Jane says, unsatisfied and anxious.

Zlinky reaches up, grabs Jane’s face, and pulls it down so they are eye to eye. Jane's neck moves with a clicking sound.

“Thank you,” Zlinky says earnestly.

“ʏᴏᴜ'ʀᴇ ᴡᴇʟᴄᴏᴍᴇ, ɢᴜᴀʀᴅ.”

“It's Zlinky.”

“ɪ ᴄᴀɴ ʙᴀʀᴇʟʏ ʀᴇᴍᴇᴍʙᴇʀ ᴊᴀɴᴇ, ꜱᴏ ᴇxᴄᴜꜱᴇ ᴍᴇ ꜰᴏʀ ᴘʀɪᴏʀɪᴛɪᴢɪɴɢ ᴛʜᴀᴛ.”

“You're excused. Come on. My master is in that arena. I'm gonna try to get her lightsaber to her. The human in the tan armor -- that's the other Jedi. And Anakin is somewhere, too…”

“ɪɴꜰᴏʀᴍᴀᴛɪᴏɴ ᴄᴀᴘᴀᴄɪᴛʏ: ꜰᴜʟʟ.”

“Nevermind. Just follow me and do what I say.”

They head toward the arena. Zlinky's mind races for a way to get the lightsabers to the two Jedi masters. It's the only real goal she has right now. The only purpose, as Jane would say. After that ... the real knights can figure out something.

Chapter 11: Revenge

[brave-clarice]

“Clarice” Liveblog: Episode 1

Here are my extremely unfashionably late takes! They’re long, so strap in if you want.

okay, I genuinely thought the scenes in Gumb’s basement were ripped from the film for a second. extremely well done.

I both appreciate that they’re acknowledging the Bureau-mandated psych eval Clarice would have to go through (not sure she’d have to have another one a year later?)...

...but I sure wish they hadn’t chosen to open this show in a therapy-like session. it’s going to be subject to enough NBC comparisons as it is.

gosh, Rebecca Breeds is so pretty, and in the same almost, idk, elfin kind of way Jodie Foster is.

“Bride of Frankenstein”! a novel reference! and a Hannibal Lecter reference even though they can’t use his name! I’m excited

I was afraid of this part, though--everyone’s going to call her “Clarice” aren’t they?

it’s very significant that in the books, Hannibal is virtually alone in using her first name to address her; even Ardelia calls her “Starling.” but of course this series chose “Clarice” as its title, so...

“the checkout lady at the Safeway asked me to autograph a melon” omg

so Clarice has supposedly been “mandated” to see an FBI therapist for an entire year? hmm.

tbh, this feels kind of like a proxy for Hannibal’s scenes in the movie, especially with the therapist calling her “Clarice.” not sure if I dig it.

“...given that your last therapist was an inmate” Hannibal reference #2!

they’re explicitly talking about Hannibal without being able to name him and it’s hilarious, frustrating, and immensely satisfying all at once.

there’s no way to avoid talking about him altogether without being disingenuous to Clarice’s eventual character arc, so I’m glad they’re ripping off the band-aid early

“you let that relationship be intimate”  Yeah, Clarice and Hannibal’s relationship IS intimate and YOU! SHOULD! SAY IT!!!

it’s kind of ridiculous for this guy/the show not to acknowledge that little trainee Clarice was sent to see Hannibal by someone who should’ve known better. That Crawford was doing it with the intention to save lives doesn’t mean he didn’t use the shit out of Clarice.

that’s not to take away her agency or minimize the choices she made after she met Hannibal. She wouldn’t have been in a position to make those choices if Crawford hadn’t arranged it, though.

even if they don’t have the rights to Crawford’s name, either (I have to assume that’s the case) couldn’t they at least mention this??

“hasn’t seen her own family in years” Are they actually going to address Clarice’s maybe-dead-maybe-not mother (depending on the canon they adopt, book or film) and possible siblings??? Please tell me they are!

Clarice’s “egregious” PTSD doesn’t have much to do with Buffalo Bill ofc, and this therapist seems to be making excuses to be the first in a long line of men getting in the way of Clarice’s career goals...

...which she recognizes and confronts him about. Call him out!!!

*Anthony Hopkins voice* That’s my girl.

the way she’s been written in this scene gives me a lot of hope going forward! she’s funny, she doesn’t take any sexist bullshit, she’s calm and polite but you get a glimpse of the rage underneath. 

wow, they promoted Senator Martin to Attorney General!

the opening credits (if you can even call them that) are a let-down, though

she has her beads!

can anyone who’s not Hannibal please stop calling her Clarice

wonder if they’re going to touch on any of the extreme tension that existed between Senator Martin and Clarice in the novel? they didn’t interact in the movie, but in the book, Martin is under intense stress, and it doesn’t go smoothly.

of course in “Hannibal,” Martin invites her to “ride horses,” so they obviously reconciled after Catherine’s rescue and kept in some kind of touch.

and speak of the devil: horses! (and Catherine)

“I can’t have a reputation, I’ve only done it once” Thank you for being the voice of reason, Clarice.

“Paul Krendler” *ugly screaming commences*

“you don’t have any people, Clarice” Aaand that’s the plot of the Hannibal novel!

looks like they even gave her the ring Jodie’s Clarice wears!

oh yeah, this Krendler looks like a sumbitch if I ever saw one. No one will ever be as perfectly cast as the dude in Silence imo, but a much better fit than Ray Liotta. 

“small carat, but it’s a sweet ring” A very in-character observation probably directly informed by her comments about nail polish in Silence.

she mentions this victim’s nail polish (!) being “tasteful,” and I shrieked a little again.

I understand it’s necessary for Krendler to be a douche, but there’s not even going to be any payoff for the audience (or Clarice) when Hannibal eats him, so boo.

wait...wait, why aren’t Clarice and Ardelia in their Alexandria duplex? They’re not just best friends, they’re roommates! For the entire seven-year story! GIVE ME THE DUPLEX!!!

BUT points for Ardelia bringing Clarice a treat, since she was always leaving her candy bars in the Silence book!

Clarice interacting with the washer/dryer is a nice nod to the books, too.

speaking of... “What did we learn in the laundry room back at Quantico?” For some reason this line made me actually cry, I guess because this whole episode has been such a love letter to something I love so dearly, and it’s making me emotional.

FIRST PRINCIPLES!

DESPERATELY RANDOM!!!

wow, the men in Clarice’s new office giving her lotion as a hazing “welcome” gift is awful, and now I’m just mad (which is the point of the scene ofc).

so this ex-military OC is the John Brigham stand-in, I take it?

if that means John Brigham won’t be here, No Thanks.

Clarice telling him she’ll drive...a tribute to Dana “Why Do You Always Have to Drive?” Scully, perhaps (who was herself inspired by Clarice) as well as a nod to Clarice’s love of cars?

“Why do they call you the bride of Frankenstein?” Sorry, I don’t have the legal rights to tell you about my last intimate relationship.

“Already on my way to West Virginia Granny Witch” Look, this show could crash and burn from this scene on, and it would still have been worth it just for these first 25 minutes.

I like that Clarice is shown wanting to help people, and the scene of her with the baby is a nice call-back to the eventual shoot-out at the beginning of “Hannibal”...but I hope they don’t try to domesticate her too much. Clarice needs her hard edges. To be tough (reasonably so)--a cub growing into its big cat’s claws.

also, somehow I doubt that Miss Valedictorian spent her six years in the Lutheran home “changing a lot of diapers,” but sure, okay. If her siblings are alive in this, she might have changed their diapers!

even though Krendler’s a real dickwad so far, he’s not slimy enough for me. Needs more grease.

“I got a call from your therapist who’s concerned that you might genuinely flip out” I really do not like this subplot Sam-I-Am. Aren’t the huge glass ceiling/Boys’ Club obstacles enough?

seriously, though, I know Hannibal tells her that the metaphorical lambs will come back--at the end of Silence, though, she’s at some kind of temporary peace, not in danger of “flipping out” any time soon.

if Esquivel really is our Brigham stand-in, I’ve got...problems with that. He was Clarice’s teacher and became her friend, not some Krendler double-agent. (Also worried they’re setting him up as a love interest for her which...eesh, no thanks.)

and sorry, I actually hate that Catherine kept Precious the dog in this.

I have no problem with Catherine being a character, or with her interacting with Clarice...that said, I don’t know if her being shown as severely traumatized and reaching out to Clarice as a form of emotional lifeline is...a good idea?

I understand the symbolism of Catherine’s smashed mirror, but...smashed mirrors are already a Thing in this series (albeit not Clarice’s chapter in it), and that’s all I can think of here.

Catherine’s a victim of unthinkable trauma. Nevertheless...she’s talking to the woman who saved her life. Who risked death to do it. I just don’t like the way this scene is written. Apparently, in this show’s canon, Catherine hasn’t gotten the help she needs. But Clarice isn’t her therapist, and it’s upsetting to have Catherine being all “I’ll never be safe and neither will you.”

how does Catherine remember “the mannequins, the autopsy table”?? And why is she throwing them in Clarice’s face?

I’m going to stop talking about this scene now because it’s making me angry and a little upset, which is maybe the point? I just don’t think it’s written well. If Catherine’s going to be a recurring character, I hope she’s shown getting professional, medical help.

Clarice finding the victim’s papers in the box of pads is a direct callback to her finding the photos in the jewelry box in Silence. Nice.

let’s agree that Hannibal and Crawford are both in Ardelia’s (too-cutesy-for-me) book

another nice little X-Files homage?

I have some qualms about that big climax, but...meh. It was capital-F Fine.

Yikes, this is a full week late. Thanks for reading this entirely-too-long post through to the end, if you’re still here! 

To sum up my thoughts...

The Good: 

the visual connections to the Silence film (that green coat/blue knit scarf combo in particular)

Rebecca Breeds’ performance overall so far

Clarice’s strong writing/characterization

her sense of humor and her inclination to call out bullshit

maybe it was just me, but I also got a sense of Hannibal’s influence on her in some of her dialogue--her blunt observations--and I love it

Ardelia Mapp

the repeated in-your-face references to Hannibal Lecter

the respectful, non-exploitative way the victims were treated by the narrative.

let’s just say, not all Harris-inspired shows managed to do this. :)

the many, many allusions to the novel

“you let that relationship be INTIMATE” !!!

The Bad: 

the near-constant implication that all Clarice’s trauma stems from her experiences in Gumb’s basement

I just don’t understand this one...it’s not supported by the text imo

the “Clarice-is-a-psychological-loose-canon” subplot

almost everyone calling her “Clarice”

NO DUPLEX IN ALEXANDRIA! Boo!

Esquivel maybe replacing Brigham

the narrative choices they’ve made surrounding Catherine so far.

Seriously: please let Catherine seek/get help instead of screaming “HELP ME” at Clarice, who after all risked her own life to save Catherine’s, over the phone.

The Ugly: Paul Krendler, lol. Confession time: I also don’t care for the way they’ve styled her hair. Not sure why it bugs me, it just...does.

Overall, I’m thrilled to death with this. I was so afraid it would be disappointing, so even if it’s not a five-star episode (and pilots rarely are), it’s a great beginning! It’s beyond amazing to see our girl on the screen again. Just this hour-long episode did her character way more justice than the entire Hannibal film. Despite its shortcomings, it’s such a loving homage to characters and a story that mean a lot to me, and I love it just for that.

Going forward, I’d like to see more of Clarice as a person. Her hobbies and interests--cars, sharpshooting, running, fashion magazines stuffed under her bed, horseback riding, her total inability to cook...anything would do. I of course want to see more of her with Ardelia. I want to hear more about her backstory and find out which version of it (truly orphaned when her father dies or sent away by her mother) they’ll choose to explore. And while we all agree that this show is about Clarice and she don’t need no man, I won’t lie: I’d gobble up more sly references to Hannibal. He’s her endgame, after all.

I’d also like to really see the warrior underneath. There are flashes of her in the last twenty minutes of this episode. But Clarice Starling is a big cat, she’s a warrior, she’s between iron and silver. I’d hate for her to spend most of this show doe-eyed and traumatized. I want her to be ferocious, to see the woman who’s a match for the monster.

Krendler needs to get nastier. He should make us feel like we need to shower. In the novels, he wants to use Clarice--only for her body. And when she won’t allow him to, he takes his revenge. That’s what makes him so particularly awful. Let’s amp him up here.

And finally...maybe I’ll appreciate Catherine’s scene more on a second watch. Maybe I’m not being sensitive enough to her trauma, her struggles. But I didn’t like the way that scene was staged or scripted, and I didn’t like the suggestion that she just hasn’t gotten help after a year and is subsequently taking her pain out on Clarice on some level. I hope future episodes handle this subplot, and her character, a bit better.

Please let me know if you guys would like me to do another of these monstrosities for the next episode. (I promise it won’t take me an entire week this time!) And thank you again for reading!!! 

[ugly-anastasia]

Not Ready to Make Nice | Sinnie + Tonee

Annie takes Simba up on an invitation that he really didn’t offer her, and some other guests overhear...

@simba-bonfamille-lyons @inperfection-ashlee @foreverydinger

Date: 19 July 2021 TW: A brief (not graphic) mention of murder

ANNIE:

So... there had been a lot more behind that "Wow! Yum!" on Twitter. Honestly, Annie wasn't sure she was even supposed to be engaging with Simba. For, like, legal reasons or whatever. But she was kind of pissed at Mummy anyway for getting herself in enough trouble that she couldn't give Annie more financial help, and she also didn't really care about whatever shit had gone down between Mummy and Simba. Simba was popular and well-liked in town. Annie needed to be on his good side.

So she called the babysitter to look after the kids for an hour (their cuteness could be useful, but the risk factor of them completely trashing Simba's house was too high), stopped by the Moon Market and picked up a prepackaged steak and kidney pie, transferred it to a cute little ceramic dish, and drove over to the address she had managed to wrestle out of an old classmate. Easy.

"Hiya!" Annie said in a chipper, and very American, voice. "I was in the neighborhood and I just couldn't resist. That food on Twitter looked so yummy."

SIMBA

Simba had been cooking all day. Well, most of the day. He'd taken a trip this morning to the local mosque in NTO to deliver meat that he'd bought from the butcher's and to attend prayer with his mum. But, after that, it had been an all day cooking affair. It was holidays like these that he missed Nala most, but he was grateful for all the friends and family he did have.

He was looking forward to seeing everyone later. It was always nice how many people showed up to his Eid gatherings. The show of support from the community was always bolstering. Especially right now, with the Blackwells hanging over his head.

At first, Simba didn't recognize the voice. Or the face. (Was there something off about it? Or had it just been too long?) He had a smile on his face as he turned from chatting with Ashlee, reaching out to take the dish so that he could put it with the rest of the food, but then he recognized who it was and he stopped dead.

"What are you doing here Anastasia?"

TONY

Did Tony celebrate Eid? No. Did Tony like food, especially free food? Yes. Plus maybe he could get in Ashlee's good graces again if he just made himself available to her. It was hard seeing the lack of recognition there in her eyes but there was little he could do about it aside from just... replace it with new memories.

So he sat in Simba's house with a plate of food, on his way to make conversation with Ashlee and Simba, when he heard the voice ring out into the room.

It couldn't be...? Anastasia fucking Tremaine?! What was she doing her?!

"Uh-oh," he mumbled, glancing Ashlee's way.

ASHLEE

Ashlee both kind of hated the open invitation to the house and enjoyed it? She didn't like to seem like she enjoyed it. A lot of the time if people did come it was people she didn't know or didn't like and after socializing and eating for a bit she'd escape either to her room or out with the girls.

She was getting used to it more and more though.

At least until Simba froze in his tracks and the half smile she had on dropped as well. Bristling quickly. She didn't know who this person was but there was very few people that made Simba react like that. Infact she wasn't that sure if she had even since him not interact with a smile for someone that showed up.

And she didn't like being confused.

"Uh-oh what?" Ashlee questioned hearing the kid that walked up to them. What did he know that she didn't?

ANNIE

Great. She had an audience. One thing never changed about Swynlake: nobody could mind their own business. Ever.

But having an audience meant that everyone could see how goddamn gracefully she would handle this. Including the random-ass teenagers watching from the sidelines. Anastasia glanced at them uneasily before she put on her biggest, sweetest smile for Simba.

"Aww, you don't have to be so formal! I actually go by Annie now. Way easier to say." She winked. "But to answer your question, I had a bit of a disaster in my personal life, dunno if you've heard, and I thought I really ought to come back to my roots. Leave the big city, come back to this cute little town and reconnect with the people who made me who I am, you know? I'm so glad you threw this little party. I'd love to catch up."

Maybe those random kids could help her. "Hey there!" she said, waving. "Y'all know Simba?"

SIMBA

Simba's nostrils flared slightly and he had the horrible, irrational instinct to step in front of Ashlee and keep her away from "Annie."

It wasn't, necessarily, fair to Annie. After all, she hadn't even been in town. Already left for college by the time her mother helped cover up his father's death, but her proximity to Rodmilla Tremaine made him uneasy. He had trouble trusting lawyers these days, but he was pretty sure everything that he'd done with InterPride was wrapped up in a neat little bow.

His arrangement with Rodmilla was much less official. He would not be surprised if she'd sent her daughter to try and make amends. To soften him for her own return.

Honestly, he had no idea how much Annie even knew. That didn't make him feel any more hospitable.

"It's not a 'little party', it's Eid. A religious holiday and celebration," Simba bit out. "And this is Ashlee Tomassian, my--" Simba actually wasn't sure what to call her, considering everyone in town already knew her situation "--daughter. And her friend."

TONY

Eesh, the whole room was starting to feel tense. Tony remembered Annie from secondary and, if his memory served, she was not exactly the best companion to most of the school. It had made for some good stories but Tony wasn't sure those were the types of stories that belonged in Simba's adult home.

Now her little American lilt and smile was... unnerving. He glanced at Simba's face and then Ashlee's. Yeah, definitely not a good situation in front of them.

"She's actually a--" Tony stopped his explanation that she was a native to Swynlake both because she answered that herself and then when she turned her sights on the pair of teens.

Y'all know Simba?

Tony grimaced at the question. "Uh... Yeah.. He, uh, taught at the secondary school for a little bit and he's... um... Simba? How do you not--"

Just shut up, Tony.

ASHLEE

There were so many things Ashlee wanted to comment on.

A little party - she didn't celebrate Eid but she knew better than to call it a little party. Especially when she knew how important this was to Simba. That's after all why she was here and why she tried to learn about it.

The causality of 'y'all know Simba' Of course Ashlee knew Simba, she was insulted for a moment this woman didn't even know who she was.  How did anyone in this town not know Simba.

Her lackadaisical mannerism. For someone who put Simba on guard, that was what bothered her the most.

And not that Ashlee ever slouched but she stood taller, a cat ready to hiss. That familiar defensiveness that caused her to lash out, to fight (with words at least).

But just for a moment Ashlee's defenses fell glancing up at Simba's introduction of her. It wasn't a word they ever used but she wasn't mad at it. She softened just for a moment. But then it was back up again because who was she truly? To walk in like this.

"I don't think there's anyone in this house that doesn't know Simba." Ashlee agreed glancing at the guy trying to place his name. He was her friend as per Simba and she would keep face and go with it better to not disagree with the person you were fighting with.

ANNIE

Anastasia could sense the hostility. She wasn't oblivious. Even the more subtle callout coming from the kids. Well, fine, she thought. she would just have to kill them with kindness. After all, what did a couple of uni kids know about her?

Unless Simba talked about her. Jeez, could that be possible?

High road, Annie, she told herself.

"Riiiight, my b! Who doesn't know Simba?" she laughed, maybe a little too loudly. "Good to know you run this town just as much as ever. A regular Mr. Mayor, aren't you?" Anastasia looked around at the rest of the crew. "Allllrighty then, are we gonna hover in doorways like vampires at a cookout or should we get this party started?"

SIMBA

Simba had glanced at Ashlee, feeling weird because they'd never really discussed that and it was kind of a big thing and he didn't want her to think he was trying to replace or erase anyone in her life. It was just--he cared about her as more than a ward or a responsibility. It wasn't as easy as it was with Kiara, who was and always would be his cousin. Though their relationship was obviously more complicated that.

Yallah, this was not what he needed to be thinking about right now.

Instead, he watched this Tremaine try to take a step further into his house and he felt himself bristle.

"I think it's best if you left, Annie," Simba told her firmly, though he kept his voice low. He didn't want to make a scene, but he also did not want a Tremaine in his house. Simba had spent the last four years trying to learn forgiveness and finding it almost impossible. Not that he blamed Annie, but he had no idea what her motivations were and he would not take any risks.

TONY

Tony wondered if Anastasia had ever learned how to read a room because her current behavior pointed to no, not really.

Simba was clearly tense, a sight that wasn't common here in Swynlake, and Tony couldn't help the messy teen energy inside him that was a little intrigued by that.

What? No one ever said Tony was mature!

"Hey, Ashlee, isn't this holiday about community? I, uh, don't know if bringing bad energy in here is a good idea, do you?"

ASHLEE

Okay maybe this kid was okay, she really did need to figure out who the hell he was? Maybe in Nemo's grade? Maybe a new transfer? That was something to worry about later.

Smirking Ashlee grinned at him and then up at Annie "I wouldn't think so. I'm already feeling the mood drop in general. Instead of coming in it might be better to head out and get fresh air. Plus if *My Dad *doesn't think it's a good idea for you to stay I imagine a lot of people in here might think the same. Don't you?" She really wished she had his name at the moment that would be helpful.

Ashlee also probably didn't need to throw that title in there but it worked.  And Ashlee knew the power of words and there was nothing that this woman could say that would change her mind as long as Simba wanted her out of the house.

ANNIE

Anastasia looked from Simba to his two little minions and back to Simba. Well. She had at least expected him to be polite, maybe a little passive-aggressive. So the comments caught her off guard, and for a moment, Anastasia's jaw dropped.

But just as quickly, she put on that same sugary smile as ever.

"I'm not gonna lie, I'm mighty hurt. I guess I got a little too used to southern hospitality," she said, then giggled in that tinkling tone of hers. "Y'all enjoy the pie, alright?"

SIMBA

Simba, honestly, wished that Ashlee and her friend weren't here. If they weren't, he could've handled this a lot more firmly. Told Annie exactly why she wasn't welcome. Made it clear that if she approached his husband or Ashlee or any one else in his family, or went snooping around InterPride, he would make it his business that she left Swynlake as soon as possible.

Also, he didn't need kids sticking up for him and getting caught in the crossfire. He remembered how cruel and cutting all the Tremaines could be with their sharp tongues. Simba had underestimated them for petty once before. He wasn't going to do it again.

This also meant that her smile caught him off guard, some of his anger deflating. He hated when people messed around with people like this. It made him feel like he'd overreacted, or was making things up.

Also, he was pissed that he couldn't enjoy the fact someone had called him Dad and meant it. (Kiara used to do it, but mostly as a joke.)

His eyes stayed hard. "I'm sorry you feel that way," he said, his voice betraying that he didn't feel that sorry at all. "Ashlee, go put the pie on the table, please. I'll escort Annie out."

TONY

Tony couldn't stop his own grin from spreading at Ashlee's quick and sharp tongue coming out. It felt like forever since something like this had happened.

This wasn't to take away from the clearly strong familial moment that was happening with the pressure of this situation but Tony felt like it was probably better not to focus on that given... not his circus not his monkeys, you know?

"Someone was real quick to forget how Swynlake works," Tony chuckled at Annie's confession of feeling slighted. "I can help you with that, Ashlee."

ASHLEE

Poor thing. Not.

"Someone was real quick to forget they are not entitled to someone's forgiveness or hospitality." Ashlee agreed daring Annie to say something about it for just the second Ashlee had left in this conversation while she took the dish from Simba. If only they could just toss the food but that wasn't what Eid was about. So fine she would put it on the table.  "Bye bye Annie."

Nodding her head for the guy to follow with her.

With just enough distance. "Sorry what's your name again?

ANNIE

This was going to be a lot harder than Anastasia had thought. Maybe she had jumped in too quickly. Maybe she should have started out small, rather than chasing down the lion's den (heh) from the start. Anastasia didn't get it. Should she not have made the vampire joke? These Gen Z kids were so particular about that stuff nowadays...

Or maybe it was just that they trusted Simba.

She waited for the kids to leave before narrowing her eyes at Simba. "Simba Lyons, I have been nothing but pleasant and kind to you," she said simply. She wasn't going to beg for him to let him stay. Anastasia had a little bit of pride left. But she felt the need to point that out. "I'll be going soon, I promise, but we really can't let bygones be bygones?"

TONY

Tony snickered as he stood from his seat. Honestly, he'd missed being a petty teen sometimes. Stretching his Mean Kid Energy for just this moment felt refreshing.

When was the last time he'd gotten in a fight? Had it been Phineas? Damn, that had been awhile.

"Later, Annie!" He called over his shoulder as he fell into step behind Ashlee. His heart gave a pang at the question despite knowing it was coming.

"Tony, Tony Rydinger. I'm an upper sixth form."

ASHLEE

That made sense and why Ashlee didn't really recognize him. She wouldn't if she was about two years ahead of him.

"Ashlee Tommassian. Though it sounds like you already knew that. Thanks for jumping in and helping there. I don't really know the story but if she pissed off Simba, she deserves whatever she's getting." Ashlee mused setting the dish on the table among the many many other dishes. "Did you want to grab something or maybe try to listen in some more?"

SIMBA

"It's Bonfamille-Lyons now," Simba corrected her swiftly.

He kept his body blocking her from being able to walk off the dias. Simba didn't often use his larger frame to intimidate. He knew that he was tall and broad and that he could easily look threatening to others. (Not to mention how some people might just assume it based on the color of his skin.) He always walked tall and proud, but his movements were always loose and easy.

They weren't now. He was drawn up to his full height, shoulders straight and lowered. His arms were crossed over his chest.

"And no, we can't. I would prefer if we just stayed out of each other's way, if you are planning on being in town for an extended period of time. And stay away from Ashlee and my husband. And especially my mother. She doesn't need any reminders about what your mother did." He kept his voice low, away from prying ears.

He didn't do this for Anastasia either, but because he didn't want everything that had happened dragged back up. His failures, how blind he had been, how easily manipulated.

TONY

"Right, uh, you're friends with Nemo and Ian. Ian's my roommate." He explained swiftly. It was the easiest way to wave away the odd fact he knew about her. He had connections.

"It's nice to actually meet you, though. They both have a lot of nice things to say about you." He glanced at the food on the table then shook his head. "I mean, I definitely wanna find out what Simba and Annie are doing out there. She's gonna be a menace I'm sure!"

ASHLEE

Ashlee nodded at the names, for a moment she actually felt bad she didn't know him or even of him, after all if he knew Nemo and Ian, the latter enough to live with him. Then again Ian was friends with Eilonwy and Ashlee was still struggling on her insistence of being friends. It made her bristle feeling like Eilonwy wanted something more. That her kindness was fake.

At least Tony had a little mean streak in him.

"They better or they would get an earful from me for spreading lies." Ashlee grinned. "If we want to be sneaky it's best to head around the back and just listen from the side of the house."

ANNIE

Anastasia couldn't keep this up much longer. It was so much easier to fight with people online like this, where they couldn't see your face, or to fight with the other moms at playgroup back in Nashville. At least everyone had the sense to pretend like they were being nice while, underneath, they wanted to rip you apart.

But there was only so much of Simba's direct approach that Anastasia could take.

Her voice dropped a few octaves, and her old accent crept in slightly as the facade dropped. "You leave my mother out of this. You and your little company already succeeded in ruining her life, so you don't need to go ruining mine, too by turning this town against me." Anastasia stuck her chin in the air stubbornly, her expression shifting to an ugly scowl. "Fine, though, I'll stay out of your way. But I would appreciate if you would have the decency not to humiliate me in front of the children. Seeing as I'm not going anywhere. I live here now, and I'm going to get my life back. You're not getting in the way of that.”

TONY

Tony nodded, glad to follow Ashlee's lead. It was nice not to be the one in charge of a situation. He'd been befriending way too many introverts as of late. Spending time with Ashlee and her friends was a whole different experience to what he was dealing with here.

"Oh Ian's anything but untruthful," Tony chuckled. "Perfect. You show me the way and I'll keep quiet. I feel like this town is so boring sometimes for drama."

ASHLEE

It had been a long time since Ashlee had snuck around. Unlike her old home Simba and Berlioz gave her the freedom she needed as long as she was vocal with them and she was, never feeling the need to not be. Anything she asked or brought up they listened. Even if it was far inbetween. And she was still nervous to do so.

"You're not making the right type of friends if you're looking for drama. Secondary has probably gotten much duller as of late."

But that didn't mean she wasn't good at it. Quick and light on her feet and everyone was busy talking to really pay attention to two kids slipping out the back.

TONY

"You're telling me!" Tony sighed wistfully. "Honestly might need to stir some shit myself if I want to stay awake in school this year," Tony complained.

This was something he couldn't really complain to Ian about because his more soft-around-the-edges friend was not the type to understand this feeling.

He leaned close to the wall as they both headed to where they could snoop on the feuding adults in peace. He winked over at Ashlee conspiratorially.

SIMBA

Ah, there it was.

Simba didn't feel even a little bad, In fact, he was relieved that she was showing her true colors. It made all this so much easier for the both of them.

"I won't get in the way of it as long as I don't have any reason to," Simba told her. After all, he could recognize that Annie might have had nothing to do with everything. She had been young when Mufasa had died. Hardly even an adult. And it wasn't like Rodmilla to involve her precious daughters in her criminal dealings.

"But let me make one thing extremely clear: your mother ruined her own life when she knowingly covered up a murder, so don't blame me for her moral failure."

ASHLEE

Ashlee settled herself against the corner of the house, she didn't need to turn around to know Simba's voice though for a moment she did think she needed to double check he was the one talking.

She knowingly covered up a murder? Ashlee mouthed to Tony. What the fuck had actually happened, who covered up what and were they in jail was the important piece.

TONY

Tony's eyes widened at the words. Honestly he had some... guesses... but also this was Swynlake and shit happened all the time so trying to guess who was murdered seemed like rushing to conclusions.

He shrugged at Ashlee, just as confused and concerned about what could be happening.

ANNIE

Jeez. Well. If Simba was going to just put it out there like that, Anastasia wasn’t going to hold back either.

She didn’t like the word “murder.” It was so dramatic.

“She did what she had to do,” Anastasia said vaguely, because she wasn’t sure if people might overhear and wouldn’t that be the final disappointment, for Anastasia to land Mummy in jail. How fitting. And... Anastasia didn’t really know the details anyway. But corruption and scandal was part of the Tremaine family history, like any other core value. “You don’t know what it’s like to be her. Or me, for that matter. Life isn’t all sunshine and roses, and sometimes when an opportunity presents itself, you gotta take it. And I’m sorry people got hurt, but that’s... life.”

Not exactly the idealistic, cheery image Anastasia put forth online. But cynicism didn’t rake in the money or influence the way her optimistic go-getter attitude did.

ASHLEE

Ashlee actually felt like she was going to be sick. To speak so casually of murder, to chalk it up to that's life it reminded her too much of her own Dad. Who cared about who was hurt if it meant the end result was what you wanted.

And maybe that was hypocritical of her considering her own past and her part in what she had done with the girls but this was just frightening. But there was a difference, Ashlee at least liked to think there was a difference, she wasn't as bad at this woman. (Who sounded different? Was that in her head?)

SIMBA

Simba's hand clenched into a fist by his side. He felt his anger spike--a wild thing inside of him, so loud it was almost frightening. It made him want to reach for a drink. Thankfully, there wasn't any inside and he couldn't disappear from his own party.

Besides, he wasn't going to break his sobriety streak for a Tremaine.

Nor was he about to get in a physical altercation on his door step. Though, he wanted to. No doubt.

How could she--

That's life? People got hurt? His father had been murdered. Taken away from him and he had blamed himself for years because of Annie's mother. She had ruined his life just as much as Taka had.

"Get off my property," he snapped at her, his voice rising up enough that he was sure people through the open door behind them could hear it. He refused to shout, but it wasn't far off.

He had plenty of more choice words for Anastasia Tremaine, but it was a holy day and he had a family and friends and community to celebrate. Even if this conversation had put him in a black mood and he just wanted to go upstairs and lock himself in his room.

TONY

Tony felt anger flare in his own chest at Anastasia's words. He couldn't imagine anyone saying that that was just life. Excusing literal murder! He thought back on anything he knew of Anastasia or her family. In truth he had paid little attention to the girl in secondary and now he was seriously regretting it if he was missing this information.

This can't be happening, right? He mouthed to Ashlee. Tony couldn't help but feel a little frightened. If they were dealing with someone that unhinged was it wise to leave Simba alone with her? Was it wise to be eavesdropping on her?!

ANNIE

Anastasia knew Simba hated her family’s guts. But she only knew it in a vague sense. All the shit with Taka had gone down while she was back in Nashville, and it had only affected Anastasia in the sense that now Mummy couldn’t take the whole family on vacations to Nice and Aruba and Switzerland anymore because of her stupid new nonprofit job. The way Anastasia saw it, the details didn’t really matter, but the reality was that Simba had taken something from her that she believed she was entitled to.

But Anastasia wasn’t good in confrontations the way Drizella was. Anastasia’s style of fighting was subtler, quieter. If Drizella were here, maybe she would have a cutting line or a scary threat. All Anastasia had was her practiced ability to shut down her feelings.

She took a step back and stared at Simba, nodded, and then smiled. “Enjoy the party,” she said, the twang returning to her voice. “I’ll see y’all around.”

And with that, Anastasia turned on her heel and returned to her car, hoping Simba didn’t notice the slight tremble in her gait.

ASHLEE

Ashlee wished she didn't know, she wished she could have gone on believing this was some stupid petty drama, it was as simple as a 'my fam doesn't like this person so i don't like this person'. But this ran so much deeper than she could have thought.

Shaking her head Ashlee struggled to form words. I don't know but we should go. it was just go where? Simba would come in soon, Where was Berlioz, hopefully he could help Simba cause that was heavy and Ashlee was not the one with the ability to help. They could escape to her room? Yeah that was probably best. Grabbing Tony's hand she pulled him back toward the back door and swiveled up the stairs quickly. "What the hell was that????"

TONY

Oh his head was reeling at this whole experience. He blinked when Ashlee grabbed him but allowed the tug to lead him inside once again. He hadn't been to her room in Simba's before so it was somewhat of a jarring moment of him realizing this was a big deal.

"I don't know! I knew she was from Swynlake and her family had some beef with people but not that!" He admitted. "She was known as kind of a bitch but not a murder-excusing bitch!"

ASHLEE

Ashlee didn't even know what to say, she really wished they hadn't done that. It kind of gave her the creeps and it was way too close of a comparison to her Baba for her.

"We can't say anything. We don't know what the hell any of that meant or how it effects Simba." Tony better not open his mouth and spill unless they knew more.

TONY

Tony took a deep breath to try to steady himself. When he had said this year was going to be boring he hadn't considered finding out about literal murder. And now Ashlee was expecting him to keep this between them?!

"Jesus, yeah, I get it. What are we gonna do, though? Are we just, what, waiting to find out what's going on?" He shook his head. "You okay?"

ASHLEE

"Nothing, Whatever that was is old and dark and does not need to be touched by us." Maybe not even that old considering she was maybe Simba's age. But she knew they knew too much. Maybe she would find out from Simba at some point, or maybe not but she wasn't letting Tony in much. What she knew was that Simba was good and she trusted his judgement on whatever the hell that was. 

TONY

Tony frowned at Ashlee's words. It seemed like the sort of response that was, well, responsible and adult... and Tony, despite all of his efforts, wasn't really either of those things. He wanted to investigate, wanted to do something to get to the bottom of.

"I... guess so... I mean.. I s'ppose we're still... young." Don't think about how long you've been on Earth, Tony. "Jesus.."

ASHLEE

"It's not about being young, it's about getting involved in whoever covered a murder. I'm a performance major, you're a secondary kid. We're not equipped to handle that. And I already went through one shit storm involving the courts. I sure as hell don't want another. Not to mention Heresay, the fact we don't have the whole story and its not like we can just walk up and ask someone." Maybe she could, but she didn't think she had a right. "It's not like I believe Simba is part of a massive cover up." (Hopefully) "So it might already be dealt with, you know." 

TONY

Tony didn't like the response, didn't like the way he knew Ashlee was right. He took another steadying breath because, really, she was entirely correct. They were kids despite... every complicating part of Tony's life and curse.

"Yeah, right, of-of course.. Yeah, um, Simba's resourceful and-and powerful... If he had any way of settling this he would. We just gotta... trust the adults." Sure, that wasn't Tony's strong suit but he could try. "Are you okay, though? Like, is there.. anything I can... do for you?"

ASHLEE

Ashlee really hoped it was as simple as it was already taken care of. She really really did. Flopping down on her bed Ashlee sighed covering her eyes. No more spying for her. It wasn't worth it, if this was the outcome. Especially considering she didn't know if she could hid it on her face when she eventually faced Simba.

"It's fine I'm fine. we should just wait a few and head back down. Worse comes to worse they think we're making out or something up here." Which no but it was the lessor of a few evils right now.

TONY

"Gotcha..."

Tony sat down on the floor beside the bed so he wouldn't crowd her. This was ridiculous. Swynlake constantly churned out so much drama! He supposed he shouldn't be freaked out but it was.. jarring.. to see people he'd gone to school with involved in such heinous things.

"Well I would hope Simba has more faith in you than that," Tony laughed softly, a little forced. "But I can see where the concern comes."

ASHLEE

"Probably if only cause I've had a few dates with Michael since prom." And Ashlee was not the cheating kind or even had enough people she was interested in anyway.

Ashlee sighed looking up at her ceiling. Did she ask Simba or not was the question now.

[yaboy-robin]

I thought to myself this morning. “What if a Pearl owned a Pearl.” And then immediately after, thought “What if crystal gem Pearl accidentally came into ownership of a Pearl. So I designed a Pearl for crystal gem Pearl. Her nickname is Tutu.

I also wrote a short drabble of Pearl getting Tutu. I’ll put it under the cut if you want to read it!

Greg hummed to himself as he flipped a pancake in a sizzling pan. It was a quiet morning in the beach house, months after his son had left to find himself on his road trip across America. 

The first few days without him were bad, but there was a routine now. Greg would make breakfast as soon as he got up, making sure to make enough for Amethyst and Garnet if they wanted to join him. Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl would join him before their classes for the day. And they’d just….. chat. A lot more amicably than years ago when Greg first met them. 

Greg looked up as Garnet walked into the beach house from her room, looking deep in thought. “Morning, Garnet.” He waved his spatula at her before depositing the finished pancake he had onto a plate. 

Garnet simply grunted, walking over and sitting at the countertop. She clasped her hands in front of her mouth and desummoned her visor. Her three eyes were furrowed in confusion.

Greg frowned and turned to the fusion, “Did you foresee something bad?”

“Not per say,” Garnet mumbled, eyes flicking to the warp pad.  “I was looking into the future out of curiosity this morning. Amethyst joins us shortly. Pearl returns from her trip to the Reef to help tear it down. But as soon as she enters….” Garnet shook her head, “She’s holding…. Something….. my future vision gets foggy after that." 

Greg hummed and looked to the warp.  "So you got no idea what she has and what happens after?”

“I bet it’s Steven.” Amethyst piped up as she entered, having been listening. “Surprise visit before he goes back on the road.”

“No,” Garnet shook her head, “Whatever it is fits in the palm of her hands. Like a gem.”

“Maybe it’s a corrupted gem we missed,” Amethyst shrugged.

“Could it reform here and you get poofed by it?” Greg frowned worriedly.

“Perhaps,” Garnet nodded. “I do generally lose sight after I retreat into my gems. If that’s the case, you should probably take your breakfast to go.”

“Good idea,” Greg nodded, “I’ll eat out in the van,” He reached and turned off the stove, picking up the plate of flapjacks and a fork. However, the warp pad alighted, and everyone present looked over to the light it produced. 

Pearl stood, hands clasped protectively around something. “Garnet,” she sprinted over, face contorted in grief and worry. 

“Pearl,” Garnet’s brow furrowed behind her visor, Amethyst next to her getting ready to summon her weapon. “What’s wrong?”

“There- there was-” Pearl fretted, “I was cleaning up some rubble that Mega Pearl left behind and…. She was just…. There. Under the rubble. I didn’t see her there before- Why didn’t I see her?” 

“Calm down,” Garnet soothed Pearl’s shoulder, looking to make sure Greg was sneaking around the counter carefully. Ready to sprint if need be.“Who was there?”

Pearl whimpered before opening her hands. Amethyst muttered an, “Oh shit.” Garnet gasped lightly and covered her mouth in shock. Greg poked his head over to see what the hubbub was about, before giving a small “eesh” in sympathy.

In her hands, was a round, bright pink Pearl gemstone.

“What happened?” Garnet took the gem gently, feeling it. She couldn’t see her reforming. She couldn’t see anything. Why couldn’t she see anything? But this wasn’t a time to fall apart. This was a time to be there. For Pearl.

“I don’t know!” Pearl sniffled, “She was already in her gem when I found her!”

“Well,” Amethyst looked over at the stone, “Do you think she’s a dud?”

“Amethyst!” Garnet scolded sharply, through her teeth. This question caused Pearl to spill more tears. 

“What?” Amethyst shrugged, “She coulda been a dud left there cause she wouldn’t form. Explains why you didn’t see her before.”

“She has a point,” Pearl sniffled, wiping her eyes, “I just…. Hope she isn’t. I want her to be okay-”

“She should form,” Garnet soothed Pearl’s shoulder again, “And soon. She’s very warm.”

“And that matters becauuuuse?” Amethyst cocked a brow, crossing her arms. 

“Gems who can’t form are always ice cold,” Garnet motioned, setting the gem down on the counter behind her, “Gems who are close to reforming get warmer by the second. We should wait for her to reform. Greg,” she looked over to the human, “Could you go to the school and tell them we’re cancelling classes today?”

“Of course,” Greg nodded, before leaving the beach house.

“We should take shifts watching over her,” Garnet nodded, “Make sure she’s got someone there when she forms. For now, let’s all watch her.” 

“Thank you all,” Pearl sighed in relief, “I was just so worried when I saw her- I thought maybe she was cracked or broken by the collapse of the reef. I couldn’t think straight. I just…. Brought her here.”

“You never think straight,” Amethyst joked, “You always think gay.”

Pearl laughed half-heartedly, before looking to the Pearl on the counter. She placed a hand on the stone. “I wonder who you are- Why were you in the reef?”

Before anyone could reply, the gem began to glow bright, levitating in the air. A shell surrounded the stone, and a robotic voice similar to the reef’s stated plainly, “Please identify yourself.”

Pearl’s hand clasped over her mouth in shock, eyes going huge. Garnet grimaced. Amethyst looked over to Pearl and uttered, “Pearl-” in worry.

“Greetings Pearl. Please state your preferred customization options.” the shell hummed gently.

“Amethyst!” Garnet hissed, taking off her visor. “Now she’s going to think Pearl’s her owner!”

“Well I’m sorry!” Amethyst growled, “I’ve never seen this happen! What’s wrong with her?”

“She’s either new or been rejuvenated,” Pearl swallowed thickly, sniffling. “It’s- It’s okay. I can… handle her.”

“Are you sure?” Amethyst frowned, “We don’t know if she’s been reset. How are we going to get her back to how she was?”

“We probably never will” Pearl shook her head, “We don’t know who she was originally for. And there’s no real way of finding out with the reef gone. And, besides, I should know best what a Pearl needs. And how to help her realize she’s free. After all-” She laughed bitterly, “I am the original renegade.” 

Garnet and Amethyst looked at each other before nodding. Garnet nodded to Pearl, “If you’re sure.” 

Pearl took a deep breath and nodded, speaking up for the Pearl still floating there, “Default settings.”

“Default setting selected.” The shell hummed, “Please stand by.” The shell descended and opened to reveal a Pearl reforming.

The Pearl was the exact colors of Pink Diamond, bright pink with light pink hair in pigtails. Her hair covered her eyes mostly, with only her left eye poking out behind her bangs. Her top was bright pink with overly long sleeves, and cropping at her stomach. There was a bow tied at the back of it. Her lower half was a tutu, the same color as her top. She had high white socks with dark pink stripes at the top of them, and light pink ballet flats with bright pink bows on the back of them. 

However, the thing that was most striking about her- and the thing that caused Pearl to gasp and over her mouth again, was the fact that the Pearl’s gem was defaulted to be where her mouth was supposed to be. Leaving her mute. 

Garnet gasped herself, bringing her hand to her own mouth in disgust. Who would order a Pearl like this? Amethyst winced, sucking in air through her teeth, “Ah shit-”

The Pearl looked around before spotting Pearl, and kneeling before her. She seemed to go to talk, but realized her gem was over her mouth. She felt the gem a moment before closing her eyes and lifting her hair so that her neck was exposed. Pearl sobbed loudly at this, muttering, “No- no no please- no-”

“What is she doing?” Amethyst whispered to Garnet, who looked lost and unsure what to do. 

“She knows she’s defective,” Garnet whispered back, “So she’s offering to let her new owner put her back into her gem and then shatter her for her defect.”

“Shit-” Amethyst winced.

“Please-” Pearl took the other Pearl’s hands and put them down and away from her neck, “Don’t do that. If I have to order you to do anything- never do that. You’re fine the way you are. I will never shatter you.”

The Pearl looked at the renegade, eyes shining in awe before she nodded and stood straight. Bowing to her new master. Amethyst and Garnet grimaced at this motion. 

This was going to be a long day.

[nerianasims]

Billboards #1 1964

Under the cut.

Bobby Vinton – “There! I’ve Said It Again” -- January 4, 1964

*sob* This song is so bad. Is there even a beat at all? It's so slow. It should not be so slow. Vinton sounds both self-satisfied and whiny. It's a love song, I suppose, but this doesn't sound anything like love to me. It sounds like it was created by the Moral Majority. Help, I need someone.

The Beatles – “I Want To Hold Your Hand” -- February 1, 1964

Yeah, I did that on purpose. It's fashionable to hate on The Beatles these days, but I will not be joining in. "I Wanna Hold Your Hand" is not one of their best songs, but if I'd been there at the time, I'd have been screaming my head off for them too. After going through the past couple years of hits, I feel ready to scream for them now. There's a beat. There's forward motion. There's understanding how to sing a song. That wasn't totally lacking on the charts until them -- Ray Charles, after all, and some others -- but what a wasteland it's been generally. The bad stuff has been so very, very bad. Anyway. "I Wanna Hold Your Hand" -- okay song today, but pure oxygen in 1964.

The Beatles – “She Loves You” -- March 21, 1964

This is one of my favorite songs. "Hey idiot, this great girl you thought you lost due to your idiocy still loves you." Implied: Either you go on her knees to get her back or I go after her. And it doesn't sound anything like any #1 I've covered so far. Major interesting bassline, great harmonies, good drums, guitar, everything lines up perfectly.

The Beatles – “Can’t Buy Me Love” -- April 4, 1964

What else is there to say at this point? It's good. It's true. It's romantic. It's fast. McCartney knows how to sing. Notice that none of these three hits in a row are heartbreak songs? There have been way too many of those on this list, and most of them were bad. These songs are happy, and not fake happy. They're driven. They're alive.

Louis Armstrong – “Hello, Dolly!” -- May 9, 1964

The person to finally kick The Beatles down the charts was one of our greatest homegrown artists. It's like people had finally woken up after Bobby Vinton's horrible song in January. Not Louis Armstrong's best, but it's Louis Armstrong. So it's thoroughly enjoyable.

Mary Wells – “My Guy” -- May 16, 1964

Motown is well and truly here. I adore this song. It's sweet without being cloying, the beat is fun, and of course Mary Wells is amazing. And as a woman whose taste in men has never matched up with what I'm supposed to find attractive, and has taken a lot of crap for that, I connect with the song personally.

The Beatles – “Love Me Do” -- May 30, 1964

I think this is the worst of the Beatles' hits so far. Which doesn't make it bad. The harmonica's great. But the lyrics are kinda, well, dumb. Thankfully they're dumb and cheery, not dumb and doleful like so much I've covered.

The Dixie Cups – “Chapel Of Love” -- June 6, 1964

Earworm alert. That hook is a killer. The song gets at the overwhelmed, slightly stunned happiness that comes from getting married. We went to city hall, not to the chapel, but the feeling's the same. I can't say whether I like the song exactly -- the hook is so overpowering, it doesn't really give you a chance. It's in your head now, forever.

Peter & Gordon – “A World Without Love” -- June 27, 1964

The narrator doesn't have a girlfriend so he's going to hide in his room until his true love shows up. Or maybe he was dumped by his true love and therefore is going to hide? It's not very clear, which is unusual for a song written by Paul McCartney. But there's a reason he gave it to someone else. It's actually a fine song, good harmonies, good beat, very teenage sensibility without being annoying. Not too special after the last six songs though.

The Beach Boys – “I Get Around” -- July 4, 1964

I can never hear this without picturing the 1986 film Flight of the Navigator. As usual with Beach Boys songs, the music is excellent and the lyrics are deeply dumb and repetitive. So it's a fun song, but not one I go out of my way to listen to.

The Four Seasons – “Rag Doll” -- July 18, 1964

Gah Frankie Valli's falsetto again. Also it's overproduced. This guy loves a poor girl but his father says nope, she's a poor so you can't marry her, and he just accepts it. I really don't like anything about The Four Seasons.

The Beatles – “A Hard Day’s Night” -- August 1, 1964

My mom and I once rented the movie A Hard Day's Night, and were surprised at how fun it was. (She was a little young to experience the full force of Beatlemania when it hit.) The song written for the movie: Also very fun, and good, and sexy. "But when I get home to you I'll find the things that you do will make me feel all right." Things sure changed fast in 1964.

Dean Martin – “Everybody Loves Somebody” -- August 15, 1964

Dean Martin was constitutionally incapable of being serious. Sometimes his smarm worked. Not here. It could be worse, but it could be a lot better. I'd have been much happier if it had been just about anyone else's version, though Peggy Lee's is my favorite.

The Supremes – “Where Did Our Love Go” -- August 22, 1964

Have you noticed how good pop music suddenly got? It's not just The Beatles. This is a heartbreak song without a hint of schmaltz. It makes you feel better, not worse, and you can even dance to it. But it's still sad. Motown was amazing in its heyday.

The Animals – “The House Of The Rising Sun” -- September 5, 1964

I've loved this song since I was a kid. And I understood it; "gambling causes ruin" is perfectly comprehensible to an 8-year old. It's dark and real, and Eric Burdon's voice and singing give me chills. The keyboard is like nothing I've heard on this list before. I think this might be goth. It's something great, anyway.

Roy Orbison – “Oh, Pretty Woman” -- September 26, 1964

I hate the movie Pretty Woman. A lot. This song became a hit again when the movie came out. Obviously I associate this song with that movie. So I don't have an opinion about the song that's separate from a movie I hate and that Roy Orbison had nothing to do with. I'm passing on this one.

Manfred Mann – “Do Wah Diddy Diddy” -- October 17, 1964

Two number ones in a row about a pretty woman walking down the street. They sort of sound similar in parts too. Anyway, pretty woman walking down the street singing nonsense, narrator ends up making out with and then getting engaged to her. It's silly, and it's okay. "Okay" has a much higher bar than it did just last year.

The Supremes – “Baby Love” -- October 31, 1964

I have a problem with The Supremes, and it's that their first four #1 hits have exactly the same subject matter, and that subject matter is being in love with a man who no longer loves them. After this list, I'm sick of heartbreak songs, and they were never my favorite anyway. Four love songs in a row and I'd have been happy. Dance songs, ditto. But if we must have heartbreak songs, can we have a little righteous anger too? Not just plaintiveness? Anyway, "Baby Love" is a Supremes song, which means if you hear it far apart from their other songs, it's great. When I hear them together like this, though, the formula gets painful.

The Shangri-Las – “Leader Of The Pack” -- November 28, 1964

I hope this song was meant to be funny, because I find it goddamn hilarious. How'd she meet a bad boy whom she knew was sad at the candy store? I like the message that you shouldn't dump your boyfriend solely because your daddy tells you to. But I don't think there's any intended message here. I think it might be a song making fun of the 50s motorcycle bad boy aesthetic and all those "girlfriend/boyfriend died" schmaltzfests people suffered through.

Lorne Greene – “Ringo” -- December 5, 1964

A baritone spoken word piece about a Western outlaw. I doubt it would have gone anywhere if Ringo Starr hadn't been named Ringo. It's probably good for its genre, since Lorne Greene was a good actor, but I can't tell.

The Supremes – “Come See About Me” -- December 19, 1964

It doesn't sound like a heartbreak song, but of course it is. And a super severe one; she gave up all her friends for him, and then he left her too. But she still wants him back. Eesh. Of course Diana Ross doesn't sound sad singing it, because she never sounds really sad singing these songs. The technique obviously worked, but the more I think about it, the more I don't like it. It's a really good song. And not for me, now that I've actually thought this much about it.

The Beatles – “I Feel Fine” -- December 26, 1964

A sitar has been spotted! Anyway, he and his baby are in love, and he brags about buying her diamond rings. The Beatles never had any shame about buying the women in their songs stuff to make them happy. I like that. And I like this song.

BEST OF 1964: "My Guy". Yep, not a Beatles song. This is thoroughly subjective, after all. But what a lot of great songs there were this year, and how relieved I am to be able to say that. WORST OF 1964: "There! I've Said It Again", overwhelmingly.

[thebibliomancer]

Dark Crystal Age of Resistance Tactics liveblog pt 7

So after wandering around the desert for a while, beating up random people to prove my mettle, I finally get back to the plot where I beat up random people to prove my mettle.

But I also. Finally. Get to the circle of the suns! And beat up some more people!

---

Desert Ambush

Windswept Waste

"The heroes are sent on a final task for the elders. They must complete it quickly. A storm brews on the horizon."

I like the final task part. Sounds like I'll get to meet SkekGra and urGoh soon.

Eesh thats a lot of darkened Nurloc.

This looks like a job for Alyadon, Rian, Brea, and Rek'yr. That works out pretty good in terms of people actually involved in this part of the show and also Alyadon is there.

Annnnnd. Died again. Maybe I do need to barfight level grind?

I think my downfall was when I let the baby nurloc summon help instead of immediately beating it to death...

Trying again but with Deet because Deet makes everything better.

And indeed Deet made everything better! By poisoning everything!

Huh.

Sweet! Alyadon and Rian levelled up. But I also got a Sand-Etched Tabar! A tabar is apparently a saddle axe. And is the axe of the Dousan clan!

I don't really like axes because they increase the time between turns for the character that equips them but its nice to have. I'm starting quite a collection between this and the Crystal Cutter, dagger of the Dousan clan.

---

And the game pulls me right into the Heretic and the Wanderer's puppet show. Doesn't explain the context of these two at all. Weird priority, game.

You really are expected to already know the story if you have this game. WHICH TO BE FAIR.

Ah, well. At least the Dual Glaive makes more sense in video game logic. Super cool endgame sword. I can dig it.

---

Did the non-random encounter by Chamberlain's coach.

Fought some spiders. Got some level ups.

Rek'yr learned Vault which taught him to do a sweet jump. Hup learned Discipline. Boggi learned Ankle Bite. Brea learned Thorns which turns her into a prickly customer. And Deet learned Blinding Light. Which lets her make a light, to blind.

And I scored some Aged Hides! Gonna slap Alyadon in these so she stops dying as much!

---

Shattered Reflections: Circle of the Suns

"The heroes' visit at the Circle of the Suns is interrupted by a familiar foe. Luckily, this time they have help."

Okay here I go! Gonna beat up the Hunter for the second time!

WHY DOES HE HAVE SPIDER- oh right the Arathim were working with the Skeksis at this point. Not sure how the Hunter found out and recruited a few but look, he'd look silly being alone.

Especially because I have urVa the Archer WHAAAAAT

I get an urRu!?

Good god, this guy

He's only got two abilities and both have infinite range. Because archer. He can mark targets. And he can shoot them really hard.

And I hope there's a mechanic where him shooting the Hunter hurts himself. You gotta have that. You just gotta.

Not that I WANT bad things for urVa. Its just that thats how things work and it'd be neat to see that in game.

Fittingly, even though he has infinite range, urVa can only move two spaces a turn and doesn't get as many turns as others. Because urRu are slow.

Although with how things are, I wouldn't be surprised if there was an urRu specifically called the Jogger. There's a Swimmer.

So of course I have to go with Rian, Deet, Brea, and Hup. They’re in an elite club I call “actually present for this in the show.” Since I get one more, Boggi. Good fizzgig, best friend.

SkekMal: "I've come for my trophy! There's no place in Thra you can hide from me!"

Rian: "The Hunter is too powerful! The Arathim... Target them first!"

Weirdly aware of game tactics, Rian.

Oh. And the victory condition is just the beat all the Arathim. I guess they didn't beat the Hunter in this part of the story. He just got shot a lot, by himself, while the Gelfling flailed about.

urVa: "Gelfling, my bow is at your command! Mark any target and I shall strike it with my arrows!"

Oh, so that's how this works.

Wait, did I bring anyone that has Mark in their abilities? ... Dernit.

Then urVa just goes ahead and marks the Hunter. So. I guess. He knows what he's doing.

Of course Hunter does his big jump on his first turn.

So I killed most of the Arathim pretty quickly and figured I'd save one and then just start beating on the Hunter to see if anything fun pops out.

He summons more spiders. Why are there so many spiders.

I've been hitting SkekMal for a while and it doesn't seem to affect the Archer. Ah well.

Poor Boggi, a victim of my own hubris. I've been dragging this on so long.

And Brea gets the last hit on the Hunter with firemoss. Try kidnapping her now!

Apparently beating up the Hunter sufficiently is a secret backup win condition because the level ends.

I sure did it.

Ooo and I got the Hunter's Cloak!

Another Skeksis who lost their clothes. Chamberlain is just glad it wasn't him a second time.

Hunter's Cloak. "SkekMal... He is violent. Savage! Handsome, once." - Aughra. I had forgotten about the comment she made in the show.

Simmer down, Aughra.

Rian learned Reckless Blow (decreased accuracy, increased damage), Brea learned Cascade (blows up everything on every diagonal from Brea, goodness gracious).

---

And we automatically go over to Stone-in-the-wood for a cutscene about the Stonewood being taken by spiders. Maudra Fara is not pleased.

The slightly uncanny art style for Gelflings really works for this. Spider!Tavra is creepy.

Wait, I have a sudden suspicion that this is going to be used to justify why I'm still beating up Gelfling in the latter half of the game.

TACTICS! -shakes fist-

Archer: "Search for the Dual Glaive... where the three brothers dare not shine"

Deet: "The Caves of Grot! Let's go! I can show you all my home!" -map pans over to big obvious cave-

Also, I now have to Unite the Clans

Brea: "We'll need a strong warrior to persuade the Drenchen"

Gurjin: "I know just the one"

Brea: "Exactly! So, Naia, what do you think we should do?"

Hahahah poor Gurjin

Hmm. It seems like sidequests. Uh. More proving my mettle? The available missions are Mistaken Identity where I have to investigate missing Drenchen or Bogged Down where I investigate rumors of a Skeksis Lord.

Iiiiits Chamberlain. Still wandering around after that drubbing I gave him. There's even a little cutscene, fresh material not from the show. Some Drenchen find the Chamberlain and not knowing about the age of resistance, offer to help them. While he's all moohaha mustache twirl, gonna drink these people after they help me back to the castle.

That's our Chamberlain.

There's also the Threaded, where we seek out the Dual Glaive.

There's a lot of choices right now. Like choosing who gets the cloak.

I'm going to give it to Rian. It won't make up for the dead dad thing but it might help.

[imdoingthismspaintadventure]

In which I nerd out about PS and portal windows.

THE GREEN TEXT WAS ATTRACTIVE. NOW VIEW THE RED TEXT AGAIN.

Oh god we’re going back to TG again.

John is 1000% done with all these huge logs.

TG: when the film crew zooms where the presidents at TG: im like if that dudes black ill eat my hat TG: turns out he is, so we're all "damn, director's got gumption" TG: like we'll all flip our shit he aint shining shoes or somethin TG: its called freemancipation. if its not pres-election its god-ascension TG: in bruce almighty. whoops, different bruce from the one i just mentioned EB: aaaaaarrrgh!

Oh my fucking god TG was still going on and on with his reality-shattering godraps. That is amazing.

He is creating the perfect pop culture amalgam in there, too! I said it before but TG, you are a treasure.

TG: cant explain to me why this aint condescension to think ill shit a brick TG: not even he can convey the intention with his quickspun wit TG: rather defray all this tension, sit on his lap while he whittles a splint TG: and some guy eyes what he does and patronizes: i guess negrocity's the mother of invention

I’m having an astral journey reading this.

TG, what in the actual fuck are you talking about??

You are the god of rambling I swear

EB: stop rapping for a second you horse's ass! EB: i have something important to talk about. TG: whats up EB: rose is in trouble and she needs help. i was going to connect to her with sburb but i lost my copy! TG: ok

Horse’s ass is a good insult.

Yeah I guess TG now has to bail her out after the car fuckup

EB: also she lost battery power. if she can get back up and running, she'll need someone with the game to get her out of there before her house burns down. EB: so i think you should use your copy of the game to help her! TG: my copy? TG: thats going to be tough

Oh no what will the shenanigans be this time.

EB: why? TG: i lost it TG: its a stupid story and id rather not talk about it TG: shit be embarrassing yo

Oh fucking hell.

Why are all the copies of this game getting lost so easily??? Take care of your videogames!!

What did you do to lose it, now I’m scared of whatever bullshit sequence of events transpired

EB: i thought you said you had two? TG: well yeah TG: one is my brothers copy EB: ok, well get his then! TG: alright TG: but hes not gonna be happy about that

Is this going to be like a Dad situation where there is an interactive boss? That was really great so I hope it is!

EB: whatever. EB: also you might want to read rose's walkthrough to get up to speed on this. TG: oh man EB: what? TG: nothing really TG: look all im saying is the girl tends to lay it on kinda thick you know? EB: /ROLLS EYES

Embrace the purple prose TG! Let it envelop you in its glorious overwritten radiance!

Ooh we’re back with the purple lady herself!

She needs to find an alternative energy source asap, to help John and be able to stay communicated, before she burns to death!

Your LAPTOP is out of BATTERY POWER. There's only one thing left to do. Time to make your way to that BACKUP GENERATOR.

Yup, figured it would end up being relevant.

Rose: Knit laptop cozy to shield your laptop from the rain.

...really?

Time managment is not really your strong point it seems.

Oh you already had one made!!

The heart octopus is just the best.

I remember her inventory system to be an unholy nightmare.

That would be such a waste of time! Besides, you already knitted one a while ago. You retrieve it from your KNITTING BAG and apply it to your LAPTOP. You captchalogue the LAPTOP PLUS COZY.

Cozy laptop is cozy!

Rose: Equip grimoire to strife specibus.

Ooh.

That could either result in getting arcane eldritch powers that man was not meant to know... or just a book to bludgeon people to death with.

Both seem worth it.

NOPE

I change my mind this just screams death.

That would be incredibly ill-advised! There are some dark forces you just don't want to mess around with. You understand this better than most. You put the book down.

I like the fact that Rose has an object with such dark and terrible powers even the inventory system  and the narrator are advising us to put it as far away as possible from anything resembling a weapon slot.

Was I correct in the eldritch powers thing??

Rose: Recaptchalogue your items!

Oh hello again you terrible, terrible captchalogue system.

You grab the KNITTING BAG and the GRIMOIRE, in that order. It's always a logistical puzzle with your TREE MODUS. The tree AUTO-BALANCES, leaving the KNITTING BAG accesible in the ROOT CARD.

Imagine having one of this in a real videogame.

Seems the kind of move Yoko Taro would do.

................That rithym minigame

Rose: Allocate knitting needles to strife specibus.

Eesh, that seems like a very nasty weapon by necessity.

You feel a lot more comfortable with this as a weapon. You're so handy with those needles, you feel like you could probably use them to filet a sword fish.

Damn, Rose could be fucking deadly with those.

Say goodbye to all the tender spots of flesh in your body.

John has it lucky with his captchalogue thing.

You lose the ROOT CARD in the process, severing the tree. Hey, careful with all that stuff!

Yeah let’s not break the laptop. Or the Necronomicon, Or both.

Rose: Knit plush cuddle-cthulhu to soothe nerves.

Greatest idea so far.

...it’s the actual necronomicon isn’t it.

That would also be a preposterous waste of time!!! Besides, you're quite sure you've never heard of this creature called "Cthulhu" before. There are however many other specimens of the ZOOLOGICALLY DUBIOUS you're familiar with. Such as...

Or this universe’s version of it at least.

Rose: Consult the grimoire.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

IT’S FLUTHLU!! WITH A BUNCH OF HORRIFYING BEASTS AROUND IT.

IN THE IMAGINARY CITY STREETS

HOW HAVE YOU BEEN, LAST TIME I SAW YOU, YOU GOT STABBED BY A VERY CHARISMATIC DETECTIVE AND BEHEADED BY A WINDOW PORTAL.

IN CASE YOU COULDN’T TELL, I REALLY APPRECIATE THE REFERENCE.

FLUTHLU, FOUL PATRICIAN OF MISERY. To hear his mammoth belly gurgle is to know the Epoch of Joy has come to an abrupt end

:D

Oh god, we get to see even greater elder gods now!!

Nrub’yiglith.... is that a reference to Shrub-Niggurath? Seems the most likely one to me.

And NRUB'YIGLITH, SHAMEBEAST KING OF GROTESQUERY, WRITHE-LORD OF THE MOIST BEYONDHOOD. Hearing his melodious chirps and tongue-clicks causes one's bones to explode.

WRITHE-LORD OF THE MOIST BEYONDHOOD!!

These descriptions are fucking amazing.

Oglogoth....Ok, this is definitely Azathoth, the daemon sultan.

Nice!

And of course there's OGLOGOTH, THE DEEP ONE. Whenever he grinds his teeth, all the children of a random galaxy somewhere will frown continuously for a nine thousand year span.

These fucking descriptions.... Holy shit give me 500 of these.

He is the first and smallest of the SMALLER GODS, appointed in servitude of a vile, unfathomable pantheon of MIDDLING GODS which caters to the whims of the NOBLE CIRCLE OF HORRORTERRORS, an omniscient, omnipotent order of the elite few, forever cloaked in the darkness of the FURTHEST RING.

What the fuck???

So in the homestuck universe, Azathoth is just a scrub! There are a whole three tiers above him in power!

The noble circle of horrorterrors, cloaked in the darkness of the furthest ring...

Someone should make a story with all this lore, or use it in a DnD campaign. Some of this is legitimately really good.

OH MY GOD

THE WINDOW PORTALS. THEY ARE OUTLINED HERE AS WELL.

And then there's this strange page containing some rather mysterious notes on summoning procedures. You've never been quite sure what these diagrams are getting at.

.....of course they are the summoning rituals!!

They lead to the imaginary city and if you cut their power while you are outside an eldritch being appears!!

Flutulhu was summoned after a city-wide blackout, so I wonder what would be needed for oglogoth... I was going to say a planet-wide blackout, but the imaginary city is.....all that exists over there, alongside the four realms and the cathedral/brothel/sun and moon/GPI, and all the other cosmology.

Maybe if you were outside a window during the last supermassive black hole?? That is probably the most pitch black you could ever get while in the imaginary world....

[stilwaterskeeter]

Boss Audio Logs

 So the lovely @saintcorner made a post a while back of audio logs from her boss like the ones you find for all your homies in SRIV, and I have been trying to make this post since

 One big post as opposed to the 3 separate posts otherwise. Also yeah Tanu’s mute but uuuuhhh text to speech? Also Jay isn’t a Boss but whatever

Tanugatoa “Tanu” Maivia:

“It’s pretty funny, I never wanted to be a gangbanger. I wanted to be anything but another stupid kid getting shot at like Levi. But when Elsie joined? I had to do something. I was so fucking scared, but Julius showed me how to use that. How to use my fear of losing someone to hurt someone else, to kill when they got in the way. He said we were doing good, that Stilwater needed the Saints go save them...and I fucking believed him. But the asshole didn’t believe in me. I don’t know if he just thought I was doing it wrong or if it was his plan all along, but the bastard tried to fucking kill me. That was his first mistake though...his last was forgetting to make sure he finished the job.”

“When I woke up after Julius blew up that damn boat, nothing was the same. Troy was chief of police, Johnny was on death row, Dex was gone, and the fucking Saints were nothing but a memory. And I was fucking angry. Stilwater needed the Saints, it was clear, I mean the Saints disappear and now there’s three more new gangs causing problems! The cops weren’t doing shit, so of course I was going to step up...I let that anger blind me though. I think maybe if I just slowed down some, maybe listened to some of Pierce’s ideas...maybe we could have saved Eesh and Carlos...”

“I should have known when the Syndicate showed up we were screwed. Johnny died. And I just...I didn’t care? Like it just made sense to me. Like of course Johnny died, Levi died, both my parents died, Elsie died...why would Johnny get to live, you know? People die all around me. And I just stopped caring. I didn’t want anymore people to die for me, I wanted to be the one...I got sloppy and when we raided that military base in Steelport, I took a shotgun to my knee. In the moment I think I just...laughed. It reminded me of Johnny when we were up against the Vice Kings. But Shaundi? She was already angry, and when I got careless she got angrier. She punched the shit out of me when we got to the apartment, gave me a black eye and one hell of a lecture...Pierce didn’t talk much then, but I saw him across the room. They were both scared of losing me. I didn’t really think that anyone would care before that, I couldn’t die after that. I wasn’t going to put them through that.”

Elsie Finnegan:

“It was only a matter of time before mom and dad went off the deep end. Growing up in the media’s magnifying glass...we saw people like us, like our parents, just fall apart. I knew it was coming, the day Liam had his trial...he looked so tired, like he knew what he’d done was the beginning of the end...Mom stopped talking to us after that, only focusing on Robbie to make sure he would still inherit the company after her. She looked at Jay like he was some kind of inconvenience. What was I supposed to do after the fire? Leave him with her? After we left...Mom disappeared, just vanished off the face of the Earth...and Pa...Pa was dead.”

“Meeting Tanu was one of the best things to happen after we moved to Stilwater. He was dedicated and thoughtful and patient and everything I wasn’t. He saved my ass more times than I could count, I can’t believe he ever thought I was going to tell him no when he asked me to marry him. He helped Jay come out of his shell a lot too, it was like he was always part of the family...I should have listened to him when he told me he was scared after I came home part of the Saints...”

“Try as I might, I was still my parents’ daughter. I could run and run and run...but it was bound to catch up with me. Sharp took one look at me and knew I was a Corduroy. I think he originally wanted to use me, hold me for ransom or something. He must’ve been pretty disappointed to hear my mom wasn’t willing to pay for my life...Some mother she was. It was only a matter of time...I just wish I had more...I wanted to tell Tanu goodbye.”

James “Jay” Finnegan:

“That first year after Elsie and Tanu joined the Saints...it sucked. It was like being at home in Oregon again. Home alone, taking care of myself, everyone else too busy with some bullshit to even notice me. Tanu tried. He’d come home between missions, all bloodied and bruised and smelling like gunpowder and ash...He’d clean himself up first, he let me watch and tried to teach me how to dress stuff like that...It was nice to know that he still cared. It was feeling like Elsie was turning into Mom though...”

“I wish I could say I was surprised when they told me Elsie was dead, but I really wasn’t. She’d been gone for so long already. What I was surprised by, was the fact that Tanu didn’t come home after that. I still don’t know where he went when he disappeared...instead a cop came home. Troy Bradshaw...It took me a week to let him in the house and two weeks to talk to him...and he waited. I mean, he was definitely getting frustrated with it, but he still waited. He said he was a friend of Tanu’s, I was going to have to stay with him in his shitty apartment for a while. It’s not like I really had much choice in the matter.”

“I give Troy a lot of shit for...well, everything, I suppose. But he’s a really nice guy. I thought he was going to dump me on the streets after Tanu was blown up, but he sat me down that night and looked me in the eyes and said, “Kid, I won’t stop you from walking out of here if that’s what you want. But I’m not gonna fight you if you wanna stay here either.” ....Of course, I stayed. Troy would never admit it, but I think deep down he’ll always care about the Saints, even if that just means me at this point.”

[wykart]

Fifty-one years (and one day) later

Part 2/3 

Read Part 1 or read on (ao3)

Summary: Dave doesn’t die in the war and Klaus has no reason to leave the past. Fifty-one years on and he finds himself back at the time he left the world he knew, now eighty years old. He decides to pay his siblings a visit. 

“Klaus!” He heard Diego calling after him, but he kept his eyes on the pavement in front, taking a long drag from his cigarette. He was sober the vast majority of the time, thank-you-very-much, but times like these, he needed something to take his mind off things. A knife sailed past his ear, whistling as the blade loped off a lock of hair.

He dropped his cigarette in shock, bringing his hand up to his ear. “What the fuck, Diego!”

“You d–d–don’t get to fucking walk away from this!” He turned to see his brother storming down the street, still sporting that ridiculous black leather vigilante get-up. His voice was cracked with threatening sobs as he carved a path through the crowd. People were staring, but he didn’t seem to care.

“Hey, woah there, calm down,” Klaus said, holding his hands out in a stopping motion, “you’re making a scene.”

“Oh yeah, what about the scene you made b–back there, walking in here after w–what – fifty years!” He pushed Klaus’ hands aside.

Klaus chuckled, much to Diego’s despair. “That was pretty good though, you have to admit.” Diego snarled. “Oh ok, fine. But if you do come to my funeral, I want you and Luther to fight just like you did at Dad’s – and no holding back this time. I want blood!” Diego grabbed him by the shoulders. Klaus thought he heard his bones crack. “You wouldn’t choke-slam a poor, frail old man now would you?” He cried, feigning distress. He couldn’t stop laughing, and every bought made Diego all the more furious.

“Stop fucking laughing, you hear me! S–stop!” There were tears in his eyes. Klaus had done it again, he’d gone too far.

“Aww come on Diego, I’m sorry, hey –“ he gave his brother a pat on the shoulder as he crumbled, laying his head on Klaus’ shoulder. “Hey, stop crying bro.” People were definitely staring now. “Come on, let’s go somewhere a little more private,” he said, eyeing the onlookers. Diego nodded and straightened up, trying to hide his tears. Klaus led him away, back along the street to the alley that ran along the side of the academy building. “Hey,” he cried at the amassing crowd, “nothing to see here, move along.”

…

“You feeling better Diego,” Klaus asked, patting his brother on the back. They were leaning against the wall, far from prying eyes. Diego seemed to have gotten over the initial shock of it all, his breathing was deepening, tears drying. He was better, but far from okay. Klaus lit another cigarette, was wasn’t about to do this unaided.

“I should have looked for you, after I busted the motel, I should’ve helped you.”

“Wouldn’t have made any difference, I was long gone by then, there was nothing you could’ve done.”

“Well maybe we could’ve given you a reason to come back.” He looked at Klaus – down now, instead of up, he’d shrunken in on himself in his old age – searching for the remnants of the person he knew from just days prior. The image of the man he’d always seen as his little brother, the one he always had to protect and keep out of trouble, was fading fast. “Would it really have been as easy to come back as Five said?”

“Yeah,” Klaus sighed, not meeting his brother’s eyes, “yeah it would have.”

Diego scoffed, shaking his head. “Then why the hell didn’t you, man?”

“You really wanna know?” He asked, tilting his head up towards the blue strip of sky running above the alleyway. “Okay then,” he sighed, breathing out a puff of smoke. “I fell in love.” Diego chuckled to himself. “No, dude, I’m serious,” he insisted.

“And that was enough –“

“To stop me from coming back to this hell-hole? Sure it was. There was nothing here for me, Diego, I was a junkie, I’d been pouring my life down the gutter since I was thirteen, and I was running on empty.”

“And what about us?” What about me, his eyes said. “Five says the world is ending, do you even care?”

“Oh come on Diego,” he cried, throwing his hands up in exasperation, “you’ve really gotta make this hard for me don’t you. For your information, I didn’t know the world was ending for real, I thought Five was just trying to get me to pretend to be his dad–“

“You did what?”

Klaus shushed him and continued. “– I just came by to give Five his little time machine, maybe tell you what I’d been up to, then let you all get on with your lives in peace.”

“But now –“

“But now apparently the world is ending in three days, which is fine by me I’ve got nothing left to live for, but you…” he trailed off, looking at his brother with sorrow in his eyes.

“You know, to be fair, I don’t have a whole lot going for me either,” Diego shrugged.

“You’ve got a future. Allison’s got her daughter, Vanya has a regular life ahead of her, Luther’s got… well he’s got nothing but we love him anyway. Even Five has some sort of weird old-man-child life of crime on the horizon – and that’s forgetting everyone else on the planet.”

“But you’re not going to help,” Diego finished for him, looking defeated.

“Look, even if I wasn’t eighty and not able to walk ten yards without putting my back out, I’m still useless to you. My power’s only gotten weaker over the years – that’s years of unabided recreational drug use, mind – and even if they hadn’t, how could I possibly help avert some sort of world–crushing cataclysm anyway?”

“I don’t know man, Five seems to think we need everyone together to fight this thing.”

“Well, tell him I’m out. If we only have three days left, I’m going to get high at the graveyard and talk to him one last time.”

“Him?”

“Diego, Diego,” he sighed, “are you seriously that fucking clueless.”

“So you loved him then, for your whole life… I can’t even imagine.” He thought of Eudora, gone now, but never really his. She was right, they never would have lasted even if they had given things another shot.

“Yeah,” he sighed, and Diego watched as his old eyes looked back into his memories, happier days, simpler days. A deep, yearning nostalgia one could only acquire after living through the greatest experiences, and the worst hardships, that life had to offer. “It was wonderful. After the war I moved back to Kansas with him, old country house on a farm and everything. We went out to the city for a while once every year or two, experienced the high-life, but I liked the quiet… less ghosts lurking around.”

“Wait, the war?”

“Yeah, bro, Vietnam.”

He shook his head in disbelief. “That’s incredible, I guess all of dad’s combat training paid off after all.”

Klaus chuckled “yeah, and speaking of, back in ’71 I punched dad in the face so hard he blacked out right there on the street.”

“What, seriously?’ He said, incredulous.

Klaus nodded with pride, “Yeah, man. I just saw him one day walking around outside the academy – before it was even called an academy – and I just thought, you fucking bastard and then – wham!” Klaus mimed punching through the air.

“What did he say?”

“Ow,” he laughed, “he didn’t have time to say much else.”

“What if you’d, like, changed time or something, by punching him in the face?”

“You know, I did think about that after, like what if getting punched in the faced rocked his brains so bad he forgot about his need to purchase seven children and abuse them all their lives.”

“Or it rocked his brains so hard he decided he wanted to do that in the first place.”

“Eesh,” he cringed, "that’s a disturbing thought. My thinking was, he’d probably just lay awake at night wondering who that gangly hippie bastard was that absolutely pounded his ass.”

“Serves him right – god he was a piece of work.” And here they were, complaining about Dad as if they were fifteen again, smoking out the back of the house, finally coming to realise what an asshole Sir Reginald really was after years of dancing to his tune. They were laughing, as if this were just another ordinary day.

“Did you ever see us – as kids I mean?” Diego asked.

“Well, I was curious, it’s not exactly something you get to see everyday, but I tried my best to stay clear of this city. I wanted to leave that part of me behind for good.”

“Well I can understand that, wanting to forget everything and start fresh. I wanted to do that, back after Ben died and you left, but the past always catches up – and here I am.”

“I tried to run, my whole life I tried, but it all caught up to me too, and here I am,” he sighed, “same as you.” Klaus looked down at the floor. Ever since Dave had died, he’d had a lot of time to reflect, time to question his decision to leave his family behind. Just a few months ago, he wouldn’t have dreamed of coming back to this place, facing them all one last time, he thought maybe it would be better for them to think he’d just disappeared off the face of the earth. “Should I have come back at all?” He thought of Diego’s tears, his anger, Allison’s horrified disbelief, even Five had seemed upset - though for him or the fate of the world he wasn’t sure.

“What do you mean,” Diego replied, as if Klaus had just said something unbearably stupid. “Of course you did the right thing, it would have been torture, living every day not knowing if you were dead or in pain somewhere.”

“Well, it’s not like you seemed to care before.” He knew how immature he sounded, like some whiny kid instead of the wise old wizard vibe he was pulling off nowadays. “I didn’t see you for thirteen years before dad’s funereal, I didn’t see any of you, and when I came back you’d all moved on with your lives, but I was still the same stunted little asshole you all know and tolerate.”

“You don’t think I cared?” Diego levelled his gaze, looking at him with an earnest sort of sadness. Despite his tough-guy front, he was probably the best out of all of them at understanding how others were feeling. “I had that stupid police radio on all through my time at the academy and every day since, because I knew you were out there somewhere on the streets almost every night, about to OD on all that crap you were taking. If anything had ever happened to you I just know I would’ve blamed myself for not being there for you.” His sadness was building itself into rage again. He screwed up his face, turning away. “I was supposed to protect you.”

“What difference does it make, Diego, I lived a way better life than I ever could have back here. Isn’t that enough?”

“I suppose,” he seemed unconvinced, “but we were all meant to grow up together, we’ve been together since before we can remember, I guess I thought that meant something.”

Klaus didn’t know what to say, of course it meant something, but it was something that every single one of the Hargreeves children had been running from their whole lives. It had never occurred to Klaus that it could be something to be embraced. “This is really messing you up, huh?” This wasn’t how it was supposed to go. Somehow Klaus had pictured the whole thing as more of a comedic affair. He’d walk in, old and decrepit, his sibling would be shocked and he’d laugh it off, and he would go back to living in his own little world of pretending not to care. He’d kept secrets for so long, from Dave - who’d ask about that briefcase he kept duct-taped shut and padlocked under the floorboards where no one could find it, who always asked about his past and was met only by vague answers and the occasional name. He’d also kept secrets from himself, as he’d spent so long trying to remember his siblings in a way that justified him leaving and never turning back – he didn’t regret his decision, but that didn’t stop the guilt he felt as he watched Diego now.

“Yeah,” was all he said. Klaus couldn’t stand much more of this.

“Well,” he clapped Diego on the shoulder, but he didn’t look up from the ground, staring intently at nothing. “Sounds like you have world to save, best of luck – and I’m being serious this time.”

“Thanks,” he replied, shoving Klaus’ hand away and straightening up. He still seemed angry, subdued. He narrowed his eyes. “I’ll see you again, brother,” his voice was stony. Klaus’ heart sank.

Klaus flashed him a sad smile, “I wouldn’t count on it.” Diego glared at him and turned away, walking but out onto the street.

When he was sure the he was gone, Klaus turned around to face the figure that had been standing behind him, watching, silent in contemplation. Ben. He would usually butt into Klaus’ conversations, a sarcastic comment or scolding remark. These past few minutes, however, he’d been silent. “I’m surprised, Ben, I would’ve thought you’d have something to say by now.”

“Oh, I have plenty to say, but it’s hard enough just getting close to you – what the hell did you do to yourself?” And there he was, back on his case even after all this time.

“In between the drugs and the debilitating old age, I’m not quite the seance that I used to be.”

“Clearly.”

Klaus scoffed, “rude.” He couldn’t tell how Ben was feeling, he was just standing there, hands in his pockets, staring. “You’re not angry?”

“I’m still trying to figure out what I’m feeling. You disappeared, Klaus, I spend a day in purgatory or wherever it is souls go when you aren’t around to host the party, and then suddenly I feel your presence again, faintly, and I find you like this, I mean, what the hell Klaus?”

“You know, I’m hearing just a teensie bit of angry,” he teased.

He rolled his eyes, “I can’t believe you.”

“You still going to hang around – it’s not like I have a whole lot of time left, and apparently the apocalypse is coming so there’s that too.”

“Well it’s either this or nothingness, so I think I’ll stick around your sorry ass a while longer.” He smiled, and Klaus returned the gesture. “And, Klaus,” he added, “I’m happy for you. All this time I was afraid you were never going to actually start living your life, but you actually got your shit together for once. I mean, who would’ve thought you’d make it past forty, let alone eighty.”

“Aww, Ben, you’re so supportive.” He was only a little sarcastic. He put out his cigarette, quenching the flame against the old brick of the academy, just like he used to as a kid. “Do you think you could help me out with something?” he asked as he walked out from between the two buildings, Ben stalking behind, a persistent shadow. “I need to contact someone I’ve lost.”

…

Five was waiting impatiently in the entrance hall when Diego finally let himself back into the academy. “Diego,” he said, “did you talk to him?”

He sighed, collecting his thoughts. “Yeah, yeah I did.”

“And?”

“And what? He won’t help us Five, what did you expect? Besides, I don’t know what sort of help we’d need from him anyway.” His lip was quivering, and he struggled to get the words out. “He’s j–just a stupid old man now anyway.”

“Did he tell you why he stayed?”

Diego chuckled to himself, “he fell in love, if you can believe it. Some guy he soldiered with in Vietnam. It’s crazy…”

“I see,” Five said, simply. He’d already stopped listening. He looked down towards the briefcase still lying on the floor where Klaus had left it. “Very disappointing,” he muttered to himself. He wasn’t proud of what he was thinking, but there was only one way to stop the apocalypse. They needed the full force of the academy, Klaus included, and there was only one reason he had abandoned them.

After all, what was one life against seven billion?

[emeraldwaves]

Title: A Dragon’s Magic Chapter 8 Pairing:  Kacchako Rating: M Word Count:  6,887 Summary: Uraraka Ochako has always believed in dragons, though she was constantly told they were long since extinct. Now an adult and professional mage, she’s ready to help her parents as a healer for their village. The last thing she expects is for her beliefs to become a reality, but when a dragon attacks her village, she learns there’s more to magic than she ever could’ve realized. Read on AO3 Thanks to @its-love-u-asshole for reading this over.

With a huff, Bakugou followed Uraraka and Todoroki to a large covered arena the townsfolk prepared for the dragon battle. Apparently this town enjoyed tournaments and sports, and many people spent their time gambling here... it was possibly the worst place Kirishima could've ended up.

He wrinkled his nose when they stepped into the arena, the loud cheers and murmurings of humans hurting his ears. Deplorable fucking creatures. How the hell did they think it was okay to hurt an endangered creature. Did humans find something rare and immediately want to be rid of it?

He glanced at Uraraka, gesturing to Todoroki about something, he couldn't hear her over the large roaring of the crowd. He supposed not all humans were bad, and perhaps it wasn't fair for him to make an assumption. Or maybe... it was just that he didn't hate her.

"I'll go sign us up," Uraraka said, gesturing to a long line of men waiting by the entrance. "Get us a seat?"

Bakugou nodded, following after Todoroki. The crowd was already rowdy, cheering over loud music. Many of them were drinking already, looking jovial and ready to celebrate whoever their champion would be.

The arena was dome shaped and covered with large bars, and Bakugou wondered if he and Kirishima could break them if they were both in dragon form. He supposed they needed to have some way to keep Kirishima fucking contained.

He growled, looking at the ceiling. Hopefully Kirishima hadn't lost his fucking mind. If he only had the mind of a dragon, it would make it next to impossible to communicate with him, even if they were both in dragon form.

"How is here, Bakugou?" Todoroki asked, and he stared at the spot. He didn't give a shit where they sat, so instead of responding, he plopped his ass down, folding his arms. He adjusted the hood on his cloak, making sure it stayed up. The last thing he needed was to reveal his shit to the people around them.

"Oi... Half and Half..." he muttered, folding his arms. "Do you think this is going to work?"

Todoroki blinked, as if he was surprised Bakugou was asking him such a serious question. He frowned, turning towards the center of the arena. "If you listen to Uraraka, I think it'll go well."

"Mmm..." he grumbled, keeping his arms folded across his chest.

He fucking hated the idea of having to listen to a goddamn human, but she was convinced this plan would work.

It also meant having to use his dragon form, something he was actively trying to avoid doing. The last thing he needed was to get stuck too. If need be, he would force himself to shift back to human form, but it would be unpleasant, and possible drain more magic from himself than needed.

"Bakugou?"

"Hah!?" he growled, snapping from his thoughts as he turned to look up at Uraraka. Fuck she was pretty. Her hat covered part of her forehead, but her brown hair still brushed against her round cheeks, the sun a bright backdrop against her cute smile.

"Uhm... I asked if you could move over just a bit?" she said.

Blinking, Bakugou shook his head, pulled from his damn thoughts.

"Whatever," he growled, moving closer to Todoroki.

"I signed us up," she said softly. "They made fun of me, saying they didn't think a little girl like me could possibly take on the dragon."

Bakugou frowned. "That's fucking bullshit. I'd like to see their pansy asses take on a dragon."

"Well... we're not first..." she whispered. "So you will get the chance to watch. Hopefully no one else... is strong enough."

"Like hell they will be!" Bakugou snorted and folded his arms.

"Yeah..."

"Welcome everyone, to the first annual dragon slaying competition!" A loud voice boomed from up on the top of the stands. "I'm the mayor of this fair town, and today many of you have signed up to have the chance to take on the great red dragon we have captured. It took many of our ice, ground, and fire elemental guard to capture such a large creature and today... You will have the chance to prove your strength against such a powerful being!"

"Fuckin' idiot," Bakugou growled.

Before the mayor could continue speaking, there was a loud roar heard in the distance, the entire stadium shaking. Bakugou clenched his fists by his side. It was certainly Kirishima, he would've recognized the deafening sound anywhere. Though he could tell the sound was painful... Kirishima's roar didn't have the normal spark Bakugou was used to.

"There you have it! The creature approaches! We do hope you know that we have constrained the dragon to the best of our ability, but we cannot be held responsible if it attacks or breaks free. Our guard does stand at the ready," the man continued.

The ground shook, and Bakugou narrowed his eyes, watching as the large gates to the arena opened. Men were pulling on long chains, tugging the creature forward and when Kirishima finally entered the arena, Bakugou stood up, his body trembling with anger.

His wings were chained back, unable to fly even if he wanted to. There was a large chain muzzle around his lips, his jaw unable to open much wider; no wonder his cry had been so muffled.

"Sit down!" A man behind Bakugou pushed his hand onto his shoulder and Bakugou whipped his head around, glaring.

"Don't you tell me what to fucking do, I'll bite your head off."

"E-Eesh..." The man blinked, slowly pulling his hand away.

"B-Bakugou maybe you should-"

"Look at what they're doing! Of course they're going to kill him!" he snapped. "I'm gonna fucking kill them first!"

Kirishima let out another pained cry, tugging his head back on the chains. A few of the men on the ground fell backwards, but even with the movement, Kirishima didn't have enough control over his wings. They were torturing him, and it was possible they were going to kill him.

"B-Bakugou... please!"

Her fingers gently wrapped around his hand, giving him a gentle tug. As much as he wanted to charge out and rescue his friend, he knew it would do him no good to be impatient. Slowly, he lowered himself back down, trembling against the bench.

"You'll have your time, Bakugou," Todoroki said calmly.

"We fucking better!"

"I present to you... the RED DRAGON!" The mayor called out and the entire audience erupted into a loud cheer.

Kirishima glanced around, smoke huffing from his nostrils as he clearly searched for some way to escape. His wings fluttered, the chains rattling as he tried to spread them, finding himself immediately incapable of movement.

"He's not gonna have a fucking chance..." Bakugou hissed, his fingers curling against his pants. How the fuck was he supposed to do anything if he was completely chained up? He wouldn't be able to use his fire, nor would he be able to fly...

"First up, we have our strongest barbarian! A man from the city! To prove how strong this dragon is... let's see how well he fares!" The mayor’s voice was loud and nasally, disgusting to listen to, and Bakugou wondered if all human leaders were this deplorable.

"Fuck," he muttered, watching the man step into the arena with a giant battle axe. His muscles were huge, pulsing as he held the large weapon in his hand.

Kirishima's pathetic cry was heard throughout the arena and surely farther than that... even with his mouth chained, the sound was booming.

The man swung his axe and Kirishima leaped back, his legs collapsing to the ground. The man's axe hit his leg and Kirishima stumbled backwards, bright red blood seeping from the thick gash in his skin.

"Shit," Bakugou cursed. "Let's go now..."

"We can't... not yet!" Uraraka hissed.

Fucking bullshit, they couldn't-

With another loud roar, the man raised his axe, and Kirishima stomped with his other foot on the ground, causing the man to stumble backwards. It wasn't enough to throw him completely off balance as he charged forward again.

Kirishima tried to jump back and swing his tail towards the man, but the barbarian clipped the edge with his axe. Kirishima's head swung back, his mouth opening slightly while he yelped in pain.

All around the audience cheered, hollering with joyous laughter for the awful barbarian man.

"I-I can't watch this," Uraraka breathed, covering her eyes. He couldn't exactly blame her. Nothing about the fight was fucking fair. Then again, if Kirishima was unchained, this man would be dead in a moment.

The man let out a hearty laugh. He lifted his axe once more, charging forward as he leaped up. This time, however, Kirishima lowered his head, swinging it to the side. He knocked the man straight against the wall. He more than likely would've been fine, if he hadn't been holding the axe behind him, it pressed into his back, shooting straight through his stomach and chest. Blood spurted from his mouth and his limbs, and he immediately slouched over as he dangled against the wall.

All around the audience booed and hissed, gasping at such a ghastly sight.

"Good fucking riddance," Bakugou snapped.

"O-Oh... the man has come to an unsightly end!" the mayor called sadly. "But... you came here to witness fights, and fights you will get. The red beast has been injured, but as you can see, he won't be giving up anytime soon. Up next we have someone else from out of town, a young mage girl, if she's still here. After that gruesome battle, I wouldn't be surprised if she-"

"I'm still here!" Uraraka's yell was heard through the stadium, immediately quieting the mayor. Everyone turned to stare at her, including Bakugou. His cheeks flushed as he stared at the woman before him; she held her staff against her chest, her brown eyes glaring with determination. "And I won't need to kill the dragon to defeat him! Clear a path!" she demanded, watching people on the benches in front of her slowly move to the side as she walked forward.

Her aura was insanely powerful, the gravity of it hitting Bakugou in the chest. Silently he wondered if she even needed him, with the level of intensity in her eyes, she could probably get Kirishima to listen on his own.

"Bakugou," she said, turning around, her hair swinging across her face. "Let's go."

He bit his lip, his teeth trembling. She didn't need to order him the fuck around, but he wasn't about to argue. Not right now. He stood up and followed her, walking down past the crowd, keeping his gaze down.

"Not going to kill him?" The mayor began to laugh loudly, the crowd quickly joining in, but Uraraka's resolve did not sway. Bakugou watched her gait fill with more confidence as they laughed at her.

She was more than human.

She was a strong, powerful mage, and nothing was going to stop her.

"That's right!" she yelled over the laughter. "While all of you are hoping to hurt this creature," she said, tapping each foot with her staff. She gently floated down into the arena, her feet landing on the dirt. "I'm going to show there's no need for that. I... am dragon tamer and I'm going to prove it right now."

Following after Uraraka, Bakugou hopped down into the dirt, standing directly next to her.

"Oh? And how do you plan to prove that!?" The mayor roared with laughter yet again.

"With my dragon right here," she said, gesturing to Bakugou.

"Yours?" Bakugou hissed, narrowing his red eyes at her.

"Just... deal with it!" she grumbled under her breath.

The crowd began to murmur, confusion spreading across the large group of people.

"I'm sorry dear, but I think you are sorely mistaken! For that is not a dragon," he snorted. "That's a person!"

"Oh really?" she smirked and Bakugou immediately lowered his hood. His golden scales shone in the sunlight, his elongated pointed ears glistening against the rays of the morning beams. More murmurs spread through the crowd, especially from those close to the front who could actually see.

As soon as the hood came off, Kirishima let out a roar, raising his feet up to stomp them to the ground. The chains rattled against his wings, and Bakugou met his eyes. He nodded once, hoping his idiot friend wasn't actually worried about him; he could tell Kirishima wanted him to leave.

Uraraka turned to Bakugou. "Are you ready?" she whispered, stepping forward to place her hand on his chest.

"Mmm... Guess I fucking have to be," he smirked.

She let her fingers fan out over his heart, pretending as if she was the one to control his transformation. "I'm sorry..." she whispered, her brown eyes filled with concern.

"Quit worrying, Cheeks. We got this."

His chest felt warm, a gentle hum trickling under his skin. He stared at her for a moment. Was she transferring magic to him? It was faint, but he could feel her magical current pulsing towards his heart. He blushed, and wrapped his fingers around her wrist. "Stand back..." he muttered.

Stepping away from her, he released his tight hold on his magic, his body trembling with the release. His chest lurched forward, wings immediately sprouting from his back. He cried out, the bones and muscles under his skin cracking as he fell to the ground, pressing his palms flat against the earth. Claws curled out from his fingertips, scraping against the ground. He roared again, his jaw elongating and pushing forward.

He was used to the transformation by now. After almost 19 years, he would have to be. It hurt, but Bakugou was mostly numb to the pain. He was used to his spine stretching as his golden tail sprouted behind him. He was used to his arms and legs, changing his body and growing rapidly.

He stood, the transformation complete, and he stared at Kirishima.

'Idiot. What the hell do you think you're doing getting yourself captured?!' he hissed, sending the mental thoughts to Kirishima. Smoke huffed from the tip of his nose and all around him, and he became acutely aware of the audience’s screams.

'Bakugou! What are YOU doing here?!' he said, his voice panicked.

A rush of relief washed over Bakugou, happy Kirishima could understand his spoken thoughts. He hadn't lost himself completely to the beast.

 'Fucking hell. I came for you. We have to go back.'

Kirishima fluttered his wings pathetically. 'I-I can't!' he stammered. 'I can't change back!'

 'I had a feeling...'

"As you can see," Uraraka began, and Bakguou's gaze snapped down to her. Right. He was supposed to be fucking listening to her or whatever... "This is my dragon, and he obeys my commands."

Obeys?! She was really fucking milking this for all it was worth, wasn't she?

He huffed again, smoke puffing out of his nostrils.

'Who is this girl? What are you doing? Are you really under her control!?' Kirishima asked, rushing through a list of questions.

 'Of course not dumb ass! She's helping me rescue your stupid face! If you listen to her, we can probably get you out!'

 'So you want me to play along?'

'Yeah just... fucking listen to her for now.' Bakugou nodded, leaning his head down to her.

 'I'm surprised you're being so submissive!'

 'Shut the fuck up!'

"How can you prove that he won't attack you?" the mayor called out and Bakugou turned his head, huffing out a breath of smoke.

"Clearly, he's not attacking me or anyone right now!" she laughed and gently pressed her hand up against his snout. With a grunt, he nuzzled her.

"Can you control when he attacks?" There was something about the mayor's voice; it trembled with a deep fear, and that made Bakugou smirk with pride.

"Yes. Bakugou... fire!" she cried out.

The hell!? She wanted him to use that much magic!? He let out a growl and stood up, shooting flames into the arena. They fell against the dirt and flickered before Bakugou stepped on them with his large foot to put it out. The last thing he needed was them thinking they were hostile.

"You are... quite powerful... young lady," the mayor said, and Bakugou turned to face him. A dark look came over his eyes. Something wasn’t right. Bakugou could tell this man wasn’t going to listen to Uraraka in the way she hoped. He immediately stepped in front of her, hoping to stop any attacks that came her way. "ELEMENTAL GUARDS!" the mayor yelled, pointing directly at Bakugou.

Uraraka gasped, clutching her staff to her chest and she turned her head just in time to hear more members of the audience scream as Todoroki held his hand out, making an ice slide down to the arena.

"T-Todoroki!" she yelled, now standing next to him as he landed in the arena next to her.

"We have to get out of here. Now."

"But... we can't leave Kirishima!"

Bakugou was quick to spread his wings, puffing out smoke as he spat a ring of fire around them, blockading them from the charging guards.

"If they have water elementals, this isn't going to last very long," Todoroki murmured, rushing towards Kirishima. "We might be able to cut through the chains with my ice. Do you have any offensive spells?" he asked.

"No..." she muttered. "Only healing magic!" she gasped, shaking her head. "I don't know what to do!"

"We'll try ice. If we can at least break the ones on his wings we can get him out of here."

"How?" she said. "The arena is covered!"

"I know..." he muttered, glancing around. "Let's at least get the chains off and then we can try and find an escape route."

As the two approached, Kirishima bucked backwards, tossing his legs into the air and shaking his head, the chains rattling against his back.

'They're gonna fucking help you, moron!' Bakugou huffed. He turned his head towards the sky. He could possibly break the structure if he slammed his back against the large metal beams covering the surface.

Pressing his feet close to the ground, he launched himself into the air, the wind from his wings pushing the fire out and causing the guards to fall backwards. Idiots. Did they really think they could beat his fire?

"WAVE!" One of the guards called out, a giant rush of water pushing towards the flames.

Fucking shitty humans and their shitty magic!

Bakugou pushed his back against the metal, crying out loudly when he hit against the bars. It hurt, but it certainly made a dent. If they could get the chains off of Kirishima's wings, the two of them could probably do it together.

As they ran close to Kirishima, Uraraka held her staff out. "I'll get us higher!" she breathed. She never used her gravity magic on two people before, but desperate times called for desperate measures.

"FLOAT!" she cried out, tapping both of Todoroki's feet. He began to rise, his hair floating upwards. "F-FLOAT!" she called out once more, tapping her own two feet. She reached for Todoroki's hand, pushing herself off of the ground, she flung them up with momentum, the two of them landing on Kirishima's wing.

"Are you okay, Uraraka?" Todoroki asked, looking at her with concern.

"F-Fine," she gasped, kneeling on Kirishima's wing.

He nodded, knowing they didn't stand a chance if they kept wasting time. "Freeze!" he cried out and ice wrapped around Kirishima's wing, the cold substance covering his red, scaly skin.

"WAVE!" More guards were arriving, waves of water covering the flames Bakugou kept attempting to replenish. Uraraka glanced up, watching Bakugou push against the metal beams. He looked exhausted, and she was worried he was using too much of his magic. Either way, she supposed him overworking himself a little was better than them all dying.

The red dragon cried out and began to flap his wing, the ice starting to crack against the metal, the chains about the snap. Todoroki leaped forward, landing directly on Kirishima's back. He held his hand out, casting the spell to wrap the ice around his other wing.

The dragon rolled his back, shaking out as his entire body shivered, bucking underneath the smaller humans.

"FREEZE!" Guards called out, shooting ice in the direction of Kirishima.

"Todoroki!" Uraraka cried, gesturing towards the ice headed directly towards them.

He whipped his body around, holding his other hand out as he felt the chains heat up against his hand. "FIRE!" he yelled, shooting flames from the jewels against his palm, the flames melting the ice it immediately came into contact with.

"Uraraka!" Todoroki cried out, holding his other hand out to her. "We have to hold on."

"R-Right," she cried out, jumping forward to take his hand. She clung to him hard as Kirishima's wings spread, breaking the frozen ice.

Todoroki lunged forward, grabbing at one of the chains around his neck as he clung to Uraraka hard. "Hold on," he muttered.

"Got it," she gasped as Kirishima pushed into the air.

The two dragons nodded to each other, slamming their backs against the metal bars. Bakugou huffed, shooting flames down at the guards in front of him. The dragon's fire was far more overpowering than Todoroki's, and any ice that shot their way was far too small and not high enough to reach them.

With another slam, the bars bent upwards, leaving enough space for them to escape, dashing into the air.

Uraraka clung to Todoroki, the wind whipping against her cheeks as she slammed her eyes shut, hoping they would land somewhere far, far away from any other villages or towns.

~~

It took about an hour of flying to get anywhere away from civilization. They flew over towns and villages and Ochako was certain rumors would be flying now.

As they made their way towards the mountains, Bakugou nodded his head towards a large cave on the side, flying down towards it, landing against the large ledge.

Kirishima followed closely behind and when he pressed his feet to the ground, he bowed his head down, allowing Ochako and Todoroki to slip down to the ground.

Her brown hair fluttered about her face and Todoroki's looked as it had been slicked back, the force of the wind was so strong high in the sky.

"I-I can't believe we made it..." Ochako whispered, her hands trembling against her staff.

"Same..." Todoroki muttered and quickly turned around towards Kirishima. "I could probably freeze the muzzle off in the same way if you don't mind your mouth being cold."

Kirishima's ears perked up and he leaned down, crouching close the ground. Holding his palm out, Todoroki breathed the word out and ice curled around Kirishima's snout, freezing the chains. "Give it a moment and you should be able to break them with your jaw."

Ochako turned towards Bakugou, wondering if he would be able to change back. "Are you okay?" she asked, stepping towards him.

He growled, turning his head away from her for a moment.

"I-It's okay..." she whispered. "If you can't-"

He let out another growl, his body lurching forward as he began to shrink back to his human form. Immediately, he fell to his knees, his chest heaving, coughs slipping between his lips.

"B-Bakugou!" she gasped, running to him. Scales littered his face once again, his long ears twitching as he tried to catch his breath. "You're in pain," she said softly.

"I-I'm... I'm fucking fine!" he snapped, his body almost completely back to normal minus the scales on his face, his ears and his dragon wings. "Fuck..." he growled.

"Please..." she begged. "Please let me help you."

"You can't!" he hissed, feebly attempting to pull away from her. "You can't fucking give me magic, so what the hell do you plan on doing!?"

"Maybe if I heal you, you can pull your wings back... at the very least."

His wings fluttered behind him, his face wincing. They looked heavy against his body, and his panting grew heavier. "Fuck. Do... whatever you want. It's not going to work!"

"I-It might," she whispered, pressing her hand to his chest. Her hand felt heated, the small hum of magic returning under her palm. She pressed her staff over his heart, and shut her eyes. "Cure," she whispered, her palm feeling hot.

"Ngh..." he grunted, his head dropping back. He winced, his back arching as his wings slowly began to fold back towards his body. The large bruises on his back slowly disappeared, and the searing pain in his chest, back, and neck dissipated as well.

This woman... had far more magical ability than she let on. How could such a small body hold so much power? He didn't underestimate her, never had, and definitely never would. Watching her walk into the arena with such confidence earlier was hard to ignore... and even now, watching her be so certain about what her power could do. It was something she never tried, and yet she was so confident she could help his transformation.

And she was right apparently.

Ochako swallowed, her brown eyes turning up towards him. "T-There..." she whispered. Her hand pressed against his chest as she tried to push back. Her arm trembled and her breathing grew heavy. "I'm glad you could... s-shift just... a little more..."

"Oi! What did you do?" Bakugou growled.

"I-I healed you..." she said.

"You used too much magic, didn't you!?" Snapping at her, he shook her shoulders in an attempt to keep her awake. But her eyes fluttered shut, and her head rolled forward. "Uraraka!" Bakugou yelled as she slumped against him, completely passed out.

"Oi! Half and Half!" Bakugou yelled. "Somethin's wrong with Cheeks!"

Todoroki glanced away from Kirishima, closing his palm. The ice was settling around the muzzle and he nodded, letting the dragon wait. He pushed up, walking over to Bakugou, his eyes widening when he saw her face pressed against Bakugou's chest. "What happened?"

"I don't fucking know!" Bakugou yelled. "She started healing me to help me shift back and then she fuckin' just... passed out!"

"She overused her magic," Todoroki muttered.

"I don't understand how the hell that's even possible, since you idiots don't use magic through your fucking bodies!"

"Well... not exactly. The source of magic doesn't come from our bodies, no, but the magical current flows through us when we activate the items we use. So technically it does use her energy."

"...I did feel an odd hum against her hand when she used her goddamn magic. I told her she didn't have to!" he growled, holding her in his arms.

"Ah... A weird hum?" he asked.

"Yeah, when she had her hand on my chest," Bakugou snapped, his gaze fixated on the girl in front of him.

"Hm..." Todoroki tapped his chin, looking at the two of them. It was odd... something like that shouldn't have come from her hand, but her staff rather. "I'll get a fire started," he said, backing away. "Let her rest, her energy will replenish and she will wake up.

"Yeah, yeah..." Bakugou muttered, his hand touching her brown hair.

He cared about her far more than he let on. Even after the fire started, it took Bakugou a moment to lay her down, covering her with his cloak.

"Watch her," he demanded, pointing to Todoroki.

"I will, you have nothing to worry about. She just needs sleep," he explained.

"Whatever..." he grumbled, heading away from the fire and out onto the ledge. "Let's go, Kirishima."

With the muzzle having been frozen off, Kirishima only had a chain around his neck, his body able to move as freely as possible. He turned his head towards the two humans, and glanced back at Bakugou who was traipsing towards the edge of the cave. He plopped down on the edge, dangling his legs over the side.

Kirishima followed, laying down next to him, curling his tail to the side.

"We have to leave," Bakugou said.

'So fast? You're going to miss that human girl!' Kirishima's tone was taunting, and his head moved up and down with his laughter.

"Shut it!" he growled. "I'm not going to fucking miss her. We have bigger problems. You can't change back can you?"

 'No... I thought if I was away from that village I might be able to when things calmed down but... I can't.'

"Fucking... dammit!" he hissed, slamming his fist against the stone ground. "Humans... aren't stealing our magic. They can't even use it on their own."

'What!?' Kirishima lifted his head, glancing back at the two human mages inside the cave.

"Yeah. They need a fucking... I dunno... magical object or some bullshit!" He gestured back towards them. "That's why Half and Half has those weird hand things and Cheeks has the staff," he said.

 'How... did you meet them exactly?'

Bakugou rubbed his forehead. "Look my magic isn't doing great either and I got captured in a village... but Cheeks has some kind of dragon fetish so she rescued me. It got her banished from her town and we went to the city to find Half and Half, another dragon fanatic. He heard rumors of you and I came to fucking get you. The end. Now we have to go home, we don't have time to dick around here worrying about humans."

 'Wait... you got her banished from her town and you're just... gonna ditch her!? She saved you, dude!'

"What the hell else am I supposed to do?" he growled. "I'm done hanging out with humans and we're not any closer to solving this damn problem!"

 'Take them with us.'

"To the island!? Yeah right," Bakugou huffed. "There's no way I'm doing that. We'll wait for her to wake up and then we're leaving."

 'You're really okay with just leaving her behind?'

"Yeah. I already fuckin' told you. I'm done here."

 'You're an idiot. As always.'

"Shut it, Red Scales!"

For a moment he glanced behind himself, seeing her small form lying on the ground. He couldn't take her with him... not anymore. He'd let her tag along for far too long, and he was finished.

~~

Ochako's body ached and her eyes fluttered open. Pressed against her nose was Bakugou's cloak, the fur tickling her skin. It smelled nice though, sweet comforting. Over the past week, she had grown used to his smell, and took an odd amount of comfort in it.

She pushed herself up, noting the fire seemed to be dimming, the flames flickering out.

"Mornin' Cheeks. Took you long enough to wake up," Bakugou snorted, shaking his head.

"B-Bakugou!" she gasped, turning around to face him. "How long was I out?"

"All of yesterday afternoon and night... It's morning now," Todoroki said stretching up. "You need to be more careful about how you use your magic."

Her gaze flicked down towards her staff. "I know. I just... wanted to help."

Todoroki sighed. "You won't do much help if you drain yourself dead."

"HAH!? You could've DIED!?" Bakugou yelled, standing up.

"Well... technically..." she chuckled awkwardly.

"Fuckin' hell, Uraraka. What the fuck are you thinking?!" He ran his hand through his spiky blond locks, his face twitching with anger.

She frowned, turning to stand up, glaring at the golden dragon. "I didn't want you to suffer! You were in pain!"

"I would've been fuckin' fine. Nothing to kill yourself over!" he snapped. "Fuck. You're so fucking reckless, it's a good thing we're leaving soon so you can go be normal somewhere."

She froze, her eyebrow furrowing. "Leaving?" she asked.

"Yeah, Kirishima and I are going back to our island. We're not sticking around... here!" he said, gesturing to the cave. "We got shit we gotta figure out."

Ochako glanced down at Todoroki. "But what about us?"

"You'll figure it out together I'm sure."

Todoroki frowned, pushing himself. "So you're just going to leave us here in this cave? Far from any human civilization?"

"We have to leave and we've shown our goddamn dragon forms to enough people!" Bakugou hissed.

"So what's a few more?!" Todoroki snapped back. "We just helped you. Uraraka has given up her life to keep you safe and this is how you're going to treat her?"

"Todoroki..." she whispered.

Kirishima let out a whine, thumping his tail against the ground. He turned towards both mages, a sad look in his eyes.

"What... What are we supposed to do?" Ochako said.

"You can go back to your normal boring human life," he snapped.

"I-I can't!" she yelled. "I can't go home! I'm not allowed, remember?!"

Bakugou rolled his eyes. "That's not my fucking problem. That was your goddamn choice!"

"We all could've died trying to rescue your friend," Todoroki stated bluntly.

"Again, you didn't have to fucking help me!" he snorted.

"So you could've handled that on your own?" Ochako asked. "Excuse me for caring!"

"I didn't ask you to care!" he growled.

"And what do you plan on doing when you get back to your island? You're going to have to change forms to get there! Will you be able to fully transform back?" she scoffed. "The only way you were able to get back to normal was by using my magic!"

Bakugou froze, glaring at the girl. Did she really think he needed her? Yes, she helped him far more than he wanted her to. And he couldn't deny it was her magic that helped him... but...

"Are you really just okay with leaving us behind?" she said softly.

Kirishima snorted, huffing as he swung his body around, sitting next to Todoroki and Uraraka.

"Is this you trying to tell me you're on their side? You want me to bring them back with us? You really think we can just bring two fuckin' humans back with us!?" Bakugou growled, his long ears twitching against his head. "Fucking hell..." He ran his hand through his blond hair again. "No way. We're not bringing them."

His gaze fell upon Uraraka, her eyes filled to the brim with emotion. Her pupils trembled and he couldn't tell if she was angry or sad.

"F-Fine!" she hissed, storming past him before he could speak again. "Maybe I don't even want to go with you!" Her eyes narrowed, glaring at him as she headed towards the edge of the cave.

"Uraraka-" Todoroki called out, raising his hand up after her, but Bakugou was quick to cut him off, realizing what he needed to do.

"Shut it Half and Half! I'll go talk to her."

"Doesn't seem like she wants to talk to you," Todoroki stated, pointing at her as she continued towards the entrance of the cave.

"SHUT IT!" he yelled, and immediately charged after her. "Oi! Cheeks!"

"Leave me alone Bakugou!" she snapped. "Isn't this what you want?! You've been trying to get rid of me this entire time!"

He grabbed her arm and tried to stop her but she immediately yanked it away. "Uraraka," he growled.

"Let me go," she snapped. "I-I don't need you! I don't even want to stay with you!"

He rolled his eyes. What a fucking liar she was.

"You can... you can come with us," he muttered.

"Oh gee, thanks! How kind of you to allow it! Don't do me any favors, Bakugou. I'm finally taking the hint!" she yelled, tears streaming down her cheeks.

As brave and as tough as she was, he knew she really had nowhere to go. Even if she went back with Todoroki, it most likely wouldn't feel like home to her. And though she technically chose to rescue him, it was still his fault she wasn't allowed to go home.

"Oi..." he mumbled, hating how her face looked as she cried. The last thing he wanted to do was make her fuckin' cry. "I... I want you to come..."

"W-What?" she sniffed, wiping her eye on her sleeve.

"I want you to come with us," he said softly.

"Y-You're just saying that!" she yelled. Her round cheeks were blotchy and red from crying, her lip trembling.

"I'm not! I didn't... I didn't ask you to care but you do. If it wasn't for your stupid round cheeks, I'd be fucking dead and so would Kirishima," he growled. "It... would be weird to be without you..." he muttered.

"Y-You would be!" she scoffed, folding her arms over her chest. Why did she look so cute when she was being such an indignant little shit?

"Oi! Don't push it!" he growled. "Just... fucking come okay? It'll be easier this way."

She swallowed and nodded. "Okay..." Sniffing once more, she wiped her eyes again.

"G-Good..." he muttered, his cheeks turning a gentle shade of red, even over his golden scales. "J-Just... will you quit crying now?" he snapped. "It doesn't look good on your face..."

Her pink cheeks grew even pinker, and she smiled. "Sorry, Bakugou."

"Oi, what the hell! Don't apologize! Just don't... don't do it anymore!" he scoffed, gently pushing on her forehead with his finger.

Her lips curled up into a smirk. "Admit it... if you left me behind, you probably would've missed me."

"No, Cheeks. S'got nothing to do with that." Immediately, he turned away from her.

"I bet you would!" she giggled.

"No."

"Yup!"

"Shut it!" he clenched his fists, looking at her cute smile.

"Never!" she teased, leaning towards him. "Not until you admit it."

"Then I'll make you shut up!" he snapped, grabbing her cheeks and pulling their lips together.

She froze, a muffled "Mmph!" slipping from her lips, but after taking a moment to process, she kissed him back. Her mouth pressed against his, her hand curling into a fist against his chest. He nipped at her lower, finally giving her a proper kiss after the horrible lip smash she didn't remember.

"I-I can't believe you just kissed me..." she whispered when he finally pulled back. Her cheeks were flushed, her gaze flicking between his eyes and his lips.

"You did it first," he shrugged, brushing his thumb over her cheek bone.

"What?! No I didn't!" she said, furrowing her brow.

"Yeah," he smirked. "Guess you don’t remember."

"Eh!?!" she gasped, stepping away from him, cupping her hands over her cheeks. "W-When I woke up next to you in the inn...!?"

"Yeah," Bakugou nodded, letting her figure it out.

"I-I kissed you?!"

"You told me you loved me," he smirked.

Her eyes widened, looking as if they were about to pop out of her head. "W-W-WHAT!?!?!"

"Mhm. You said dragons were so cool," he teased .

"...I-I meant dragons! O-Obviously! I love DRAGONS! Not you specifically, but more... by, uh, proxy? Since you're a dragon and all...!" she said, shaking her head back and forth rapidly.

"Sure Round Face," he grinned. "Whatever you say."

"I-I bet I didn't even kiss you and you're just... you're just making it up!" she snorted.

"Nope. Definitely happened. Does it really matter? We just kissed again."

"...It.... it matters!"

"Why?" he snorted, trying to play it as casual as possible. Inside, his heart was throbbing against his chest. "It's just a fuckin' kiss. Look," he grunted and leaned forward and brushed there lips together. "We just did again."

"EH!?" she squeaked, her cheeks still bright red. "It… it would've been my first! Or this one was!" she said.

"Huh... guess I got your first kiss then," he said, shrugging. She stared at his lips again and blushed, backing away. "Let's get going. We can’t stay in this fucking cave all day." He turned away from her, unable to look at how cute her blushing face was.

"H-Hey! You can't just walk away after kissing me!" she yelled.

"I can, and I will," he smirked. "We gotta get going. I don't want to be stuck in this cave forever."

He continued back towards Kirishima and Todoroki, both looking confused at what transpired between the two of them. From deep in the cave, they hadn’t seen what happened between the two.

"We're leaving," Bakugou said. "Get ready to hold on tight, cause Kirishima is going to fly us back."

"All of us?" Todoroki asked, tilting his head.

"Just shut the fuck up and do it.

Kirishima stomped his foot on the ground, narrowing his eyes at Bakugou.

"Oh shut up, you know I can't change. I might not be able to change back if I do!" he scoffed, folding his arms.

"Bakugou!" Uraraka yelled, her voice echoing into the depths of the cave.

"We're leaving Cheeks," he said, grabbing one of the chains around Kirishima's neck as he swung himself onto his back. Todoroki followed his move, climbing onto the red dragon's back. "You comin'?" he asked.

Rolling her eyes, she tapped the bottoms of her feet with her staff. She supposed they would talk about the kiss... or kisses later.

"Fine," she murmured. "Let's go."

[ckret2]

Nom De Guerre

Prompt: In exchange for some art at TFCon, I promised @xraybeeb some DinoTrap! They’re still at the awkward pretending-they-don’t-like-each-other stage because, it turns out, I just wanted to write banter. Continuity: Beast Wars, some vague point post-transmetal and pre-Code of Hero. Pairing: Rattrap/Dinobot, but only faintly Wordcount: 2000 Summary: Dinobot wants to know what Rattrap’s name was back on Cybertron. Somehow that segues into Rattrap learning about Dinobot’s surprise Autobot idols.

Rattrap was almost back to base, at the end of his patrol, when he saw someone standing on top of the Axalon, silhouetted against the night sky. "Hey! What—?!" He skidded to a stop, transforming and looking up at the mysterious bot. "Who—? Oh. HEY, CHOPPERFACE!"

Dinobot's gaze lowered from the stars to Rattrap.

"Stop melodramatically stargazin'! It's so dark out, I thought you were a Predacon!" He paused. "... A different Predacon!"

Faintly, Dinobot yelled back, "Come and make me stop!"

"I'm n—"

"Unless you're a coward!"

Rattrap let out a long sigh that he hoped was loud enough for Dinobot to hear from the top of the ship. And then commed Optimus. "Hey, boss bot—I'm back from patrol, buuut I'm not comin' in just yet. Dinobot's on top of the ship and I've gotta go wittily banter him to death. If I start screamin', send backup."

It took a couple of minutes for Rattrap to find a route to scale the Axalon and reach Dinobot's position. Dinobot wasn't even waiting for him—he was sitting cross-legged on the far side of the ship, facing away. "Okay, reptile. Challenge accepted and defeated. Now get off the stupid—"

"What did you go by," Dinobot said, "back on Cybertron?"

Rattrap stopped, staring at Dinobot's back. "... Did you call me all the way up here just t'ask me my real name?!"

"No. I started wondering while waiting for you to laboriously scale the ship."

"Ooh, you condescendin'..." Rattrap muttered invectives as he stomped up behind Dinobot. "I oughta kick you off the side."

"I would be delighted to see you try."

Of course, he didn't. Instead, he stopped beside Dinobot, surveying the view. Eh. It wasn't bad, he supposed.

"Rattletrap."

Dinobot looked at him, clearly waiting for him to elaborate; but Rattrap didn't know what elaboration he wanted, so he said what anyone would say after introducing their name: "Nice t'meet you."

Dinobot snorted, shoulders jerking.

Rattrap sat down beside Dinobot, legs stretched out in front of him. "I know, it's just one syllable off from what I got now." Rattrap had no idea what Dinobot's basis of comparison was—he didn't know what any of the Darksyde’s crew had gone by, aside from the fact that their illustrious and big-headed leader had been alias "Megatron" for decades—but out of the original Axalon crew, Rattrap had stayed closer to his original name than any of the other Maximals. "But, eh—I'm attached to my name, y'know? Rattletrap suits me. It's..." He trailed off. He'd never had to describe his name before; it was like trying to describe his own transformation sequence.

"Unreliable? Rickety? In poor health?"

"Unassumin'," Rattrap snapped. "You can get a whole lot done while people are busy underestimatin' you because you've got a name that makes you sound like a jalopy."

"Your very name is an act of subterfuge." Dinobot sniffed disdainfully and looked away from Rattrap at last, surveying the quiet night. "Dishonorable. But, I suppose, effective. For someone like you."

"Tch, you flatterer." Rattrap leaned back, settling himself on his elbows. Oh yeah, this was gonna be a long banter. He could feel it. "How 'bout you? Who were you on Cybertron?"

"Dinobot."

Rattrap gave him a surprised look. "No kiddin'? Before you were a 'raptor?"

"Yes. My organic beast mode was fortuitous. In fact I named myself Dinobot long ago."

Named himself. Huh. "I figure you're named after...?"

"The Dinobots who fought at the end of the Great War, yes. I consider them my role models."

"Really!" Rattrap scooted over so he could roll onto one side, giving Dinobot his full attention. "You don't say! Oh, I want to hear all about how the Dinobots are role models."

"You mock me."

"Nooo. Me? Never," Rattrap said mockingly.

Dinobot snarled at him. "The Dinobots are consummate warriors! They are aggressive, direct, indefatigable—"

"Probably don't know what 'indefatigable' means."

Dinobot swiped threateningly at Rattrap. "Honest. Fearless. Loyal to their own, and they make no pretenses of loyalty to those they don't consider their own. And they carried those ideals with them everywhere—no matter in whose company they found themselves, and no matter how little others understood their ideals."

And something about the way Dinobot said that made Rattrap uncomfortably aware of how much he was one of those people who didn't get Dinobot's ideals. Not, he reminded himself, that he wanted to get them—they were, after all, Predacon ideals—but, still... Still. Still.

Had to be lonely, Rattrap supposed.

"They embody a nobility of character which I can only aspire to match," Dinobot concluded.

Rattrap nodded slowly, taking in that analysis. "... They're also dumber than a bag of rocks."

He expected another swipe for that. Instead, Dinobot said, wryly, "You'll notice that, in listing their virtues, I did not include intelligence."

Rattrap laughed. "Okay! Okay, fair," he said. "You uh—you do know that your heroes were also Autobots, right?"

Dinobot gave Rattrap an exasperated look. And then sat up straighter. "What are you—? Stop posing like that! You look ridiculous!"

"Wha—?" At some point, as Rattrap listened to Dinobot wax poetic about Dinobots, he had ended up laying on his side with one hand propping up his cheek and the other arm draped across his waist. He did look ridiculous. Flustered, he sat straight up again. "I— W— Don't change the topic! What kinda role models are a pack of Autobots for a big bad Pred, huh?"

"You insult them by calling them Autobots." Dinobot was back to staring at the horizon, refusing to look at Rattrap. "Perhaps they wore the Autobot badge—but they were never given Autobot coding. In behavior—in spirit—although they fought for the Autobots, in their sparks they were Decepticon."

"They tell you that themselves, or are you just projectin'?"

"Have you nothing else to contribute but critical snark?!"

"Well I can't contribute saucy poses anymore, can I?" But all right, maybe he should tone it down. This was... actually an intriguing side to Dinobot. The Predacon that venerates Autobots.

Dinobot gave him a dark look. "They were detested by their teammates. Loathed. That's not projecting."

Rattrap swallowed a half dozen snappy replies. "Yeah? I heard they were hard to get on with, but..."

"It's the truth. The Autobots who fought alongside them distrusted them. They saw them as burdens—mere berserkers to be unleashed on the enemy, and then tolerated and contained until the next battle. They were utilized for their innate combat capabilities without being respected for them. In many ways... the Autobots' treatment of the Dinobots was a model for the Maximals' later treatment of Predacons."

Once again, Rattrap felt far more conscious than he wanted to be of how little he knew about what went on in Dinobot's head—in Dinobot's life—or any other Predacon's, for that matter. True, he still didn't want to know the first thing about what regularly passed through, say, Megatron's mind, or Waspinator's, or—eesh—Tarantulas's—but... times like this, when Rattrap was being honest with himself, he kinda felt like he was missing out on something, not being able to guess what Dinobot was thinking.

... He didn't want to linger on that for too long. "So. Who's your fave?"

"Grimlock!" Dinobot said it instantly, as though he'd been just waiting to be asked. "The greatest fighter! Before I permanently adopted the nom de guerre 'Dinobot,' for years I went by 'Grim' in his honor."

"It suits ya." Maybe it didn't suit him right then, though—he was gushing like a newbuild talking about their favorite pop star.

"He should h—thank you." Dinobot actually sounded like he meant it. (He probably hadn’t heard that before, had he? What kind of nerve did he have to have to be a Predacon among Predacons going by an Autobot’s name? Rattrap was beginning to suspect that Dinobot had been lonely long before he’d surrounded himself by Maximals.) "He should have assumed the mantle of Autobot leadership. There was an opportunity, when Optimus Prime fell in combat to Megatron. The Autobots should have recognized that, with the Decepticons in full control of Cybertron and the Autobots only holding back a few off-world garrisons, they were in desperate need of a new style of leadership. The Matrix of Leadership should have been offered to Grimlock—he would have ruled the Autobots as a warrior-king!"

"And... this woulda been a good thing or a bad thing for your Decepticon ancestors?"

"Ah—well..." Dinobot shrugged, an uncharacteristically casual gesture, and quickly moved on. "Whoever won, he would at least have shown the Decepticons more respect than the likes of Rodimus Prime. Which is the same reason he wasn't selected. The Autobots could no more appreciate Grimlock's virtues than they could a Decepticon—for they, unlike he, were not born warriors. For all their combat training, they were mere..." he let out a lizardy snarl of derision, "cccivil ssservants."

"Aaand..." Oh, Rattrap was having too much fun with this. "Assumin' he did get the Matrix, what was his name gonna be?"

Without hesitation, Dinobot replied, "Tyrannimus Prime." He raised his voice over Rattrap's peals of laughter. "Stop that! I didn't come up with it!"

"Wh-who did?!" Rattrap was flat on his back laughing. "Oh—oh, man—don't tell me you Preds have worked out all the details of a whole alternate history where Grimlock lead the Autobots!"

Dinobot was silent for an embarrassingly long time. And then mumbled, "It's not just Predacons—"

Rattrap cracked up again.

The stars in his peripheral vision were blocked; Dinobot was walking away. Rattrap immediately stopped laughing. "H-hey!" He rolled over, got to his feet, and trotted after Dinobot. "Hey, come back, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have laughed. It's—it's just surprising to me—and I mean, maybe I don't get it, but—hey, everyone's got hobbies."

Dinobot didn't stop.

Rattrap sighed. Oh, boy, he'd messed that up. How was he gonna fix this? "... I learned to fight from Arcee."

Dinobot stopped walking.

"Dunno how much you know 'bout Maximals, but we still get mandatory military training. In case..." Even though Dinobot wasn't looking, Rattrap gestured vaguely in the direction of the Darksyde. "In case. I was under... pfft, I don't remember his name now. One of the Protectobots. But I wanted to learn from Arcee. I fought tooth 'n' claw to get that transfer."

"Arcee," Dinobot said slowly, "is one of the finest warriors the Autobots ever produced."

"And unassumin'," Rattrap said. "The kinda person you underestimate until it's too late."

Finally, Dinobot turned back to Rattrap. "I have heard tales of her kindness, gentleness, and civility—right up until she eliminates her enemy. Are they true?"

"All true," Rattrap nodded. "She was the sweetest 'bot you'd ever meet—'til she wasn't."

"Hmmm." Dinobot surveyed Rattrap critically. "She taught you so little."

"'Ey!" He elbowed Dinobot. Good, they were back to normal. "Siddown and look at the stars again, reptile breath, I'm already sick of lookin' up at you."

Dinobot bent over and snorted in Rattrap's face—Rattrap made exaggerated gagging sounds—but he did march back to his original spot and sit again. "I don't relish the idea of you looking down at me, either. Sit."

Rattrap flopped back down. "As you command, Tyrannimus."

Dinobot shoved him over as Rattrap laughed. But it was, for Dinobot, a gentle shove. Rattrap should call him Tyrannimus more often. Maybe not around the others; that'd take a little too much explaining. "Either be quiet or tell me more about Arcee."

"Fine, fine! Whaddaya wanna know?"

"Is it true that she paints herself with energon?"

"You know—I was always a little too scared to ask."

"Well, what did she smell like?"

"Excuse me?"

"You can tell if paint is energon-based from how it smells when it's warm, and Cybertronian bodies are almost always warm enough to activate the—"

"Why do you know this?"

It was another half hour before they were interrupted by Silverbolt, who had, apparently, been sent outside to ensure that Dinobot and Rattrap hadn't been kidnapped by Predacons and/or quietly murdered each other. By the time they were back inside, Dinobot was already radiating a surly "don't touch me, speak to me, or acknowledge that I possess a corporeal form on this mortal plane" aura; nobody spoke until he'd disappeared down the hall to his quarters.

Once he was well out of audial shot, Optimus asked Rattrap what in the world had kept them outside so long.

Rattrap shrugged. What had they talked about, really? Dinobots and alternate history and basic training? "He wanted to know my real name."

If you want to leave a tip or like the fic on AO3, the links are in my description! Comments/reblogs are welcome!

[momestuck]

Let’s read Hiveswap Friendsim... volume 18!

Imagine I edited the final shot of End of Evangelion here to put trolls on it. That’s more effort than I’m actually willing to put in. Imagining it is probably almost as good.

This chapter is fittingly called “Of Endings, Many”.

The opening narration is kind of pointed and sarcastic. It jokes about saying trite things like ‘the circle is complete’... and then goes elsewhere.

“You’ve got enough friends, now you need answers-” - and then it interrupts itself, realising it’s just the intro screen.

I wonder who writes the intro screens?

This time we have... another jadeblood, and also a final pair of purplebloods, the second troll pair.

Lanque

Lanque is written by the mysterious “V”, who previously managed to get us to lick a clown’s armpit and then wrote some interesting things about intertextuality. I have high hopes!

Content warning: Lanque’s story deals explicitly with sex with a man, in a situation of dubious consent on the player character’s part.

Lanque’s theme I’m sure I recognise from Homestuck proper, though I’d have to do some digging to see what it’s reprising. It’s called “yall know i just do the music right” - another James Roach piece.

It begins with us getting a call from Lynera. The narration somewhat uncharitably says “that nutty bitch is exactly the sort of destabilizing influence your life needs right now”. In a positive, not sarcastic way at least.

She wants to start making friends herself...

The narration is really in a hurry this time around. We reprise the party background from the last episode.

I appreciate the kind of breezy enthusiastic chaos in V’s writing.

We’re in a cape, bra and fishnets. A perfect outfit for the final chapter.

Wow the narration just isn’t giving a shit anymore. Final chapter striking hard.

We try to figure out whose hive we’re going to... and oh shit, it’s Ardata’s. First troll we ever met, as well. The party is described as a “frathouse rager” - which, Lynera acknowledges, is not her scene at all.

Is the narrator already drunk? Or is Ardata fucking with our head again?

Ardata declares that it’s a ‘kiiickback’ for all the ‘world’s fiiinest iiinfluencers’... and neither me nor Lynera is invited. Apparently she heard about it from someone called Lanque, who’s also not invited.

What is up with this narration? It’s coming across like a standup performance.

At that point, Ardata drops a... nsfw warning on us.

I didn’t actually realise this volume had an ‘accompanying mature content description’. I think what I’m gonna do is... obviously I’m gonna play the chapter, but I will put specific content warnings before sections of the post that have potentially triggering content, and if there are explicit images, I will pixellise out any explicit bits before I embed them in the post. spoiler alert: this ain’t exactly Ladykiller in a Bind there.

That’s a hell of a warning, huh. Especially given the previous armpit-licking chapter by ‘V’ was about at the absolute limit of sfw horny anyway. Fuck knows what they’re about to inflict on us now.

Also: James Roach’s track name is starting to make sense. Apparently he wants to distance himself from this episode, semi-ironically at any rate? God, what are we in for.

So, presumably the ‘oof, you’re too scared’ link takes us to an abrupt end to the chapter, we’ll check it later. Let’s go on in.

Quick soapbox: as much as I hate the kind of shallow analysis that throws around ‘problematic’ as a summary judgement of a work - nah actually, you can’t just disclaim shit under ‘challenging or controversial material’. By the same token that you can write whatever shit you want in a Homestuck computer game, critics - and random nerds on the internet, which is to say, the entire audience of this game - can discuss it however we find appropriate.

Nevertheless, you haven’t actually done anything worse than make me lick a clown’s armpit so far, and we can approach challenging themes in a way that says something meaningful and important, so let’s see what you have for us, V. To be honest I’m expecting some kind of portrayal of sexual violence given all the disclaimers, but who knows.

The party sounds like hell.

To Lynera, who remains glued to our arm, it’s ‘more than she was expecting’. But before we can leave, Lanque arrives.

I was wrong about what I thought was Lanque’s theme. Lanque’s theme is a slow, mournful saxophone piece. Maybe the music before was Lynera’s theme, and I just forgot how it went?

The narration mentions a ‘curious red stain’ on Lanque’s shirt. They’re obviously going for a whole ‘sexy vampire’ type thing with him. Maybe a Twilight parody, with Lynera in the Bella role? That would be a little dated, though.

I vaguely recall that it was said at some point that the jadebloods were all women. Which makes me suspect that Lanque is a trans guy, and this story is gonna touch on themes of transness and such. That could be something I completely confabulated, though. I’d check the wiki but no doubt it’s been updated by now, and I don’t want to spoil myself on this arc.

He seems to be in a flirty mood. Not sure how old either of these two are supposed to be.

Oh yeah. The knifemeter actually hasn’t shown up in this episode so far. He expresses surprise that Lynera has friends. Or at least, friend.

Eesh, this guy gonna be another Zebruh?

Lanque asks about us and we blather about being an alien, and also general disaster.

It’s really hard to get the sense that this is a loud party where we can barely hear each other over the noise, given both the narration and the soft jazz background.

He says something about not biting unless asked. So if it’s not already obvious... either a genuine rainbow drinker (hey, if Kanaya could do it at age 6 sweeps/13 years, no doubt he could at age... whatever age he is!), or someone who likes pretending to be one.

Anyway, our protag is apparently not overcome by friendship lust at this point, and tries to play wingman and put Lanque’s attention back onto Lynera. This... doesn’t go as well as expected.

(2.43 sweeps, that is - about 5.3 years)

Hmm, why would that be? This could be like, a transphobia thing? Do trolls have that? I’d say of course they fucking do, but apparently they don’t have homophobia, and their gender system... well who the hell knows how troll gender works, having all the signifiers of gender in the real world but none of the material consequences.

Anyway, Lanque calls Lynera a ‘nasty little bitch’. But then immediately says he’s not one to criticise.

So... maybe it’s not a trans thing? We’ll see. Lanque continues being a huge dick, suggesting that Lynera is interested in him because the ordeals are coming, and she wants to take the chance to fuck before they roll around.

Lynera is kind of... not surprisingly pretty hurt.

The narrator challenges Lanque on his rudeness without a choice.

Ah, the classic ‘she deserved it’ defence. Second only to the ‘it didn’t happen, but if it had, they would have deserved it anyway’ defence.

The protag demands to know why Lanque even invited Lynera if it was just to have such a huge go at her like that. Lanque’s explanation is... kind of unclear.

It’s not like she got much of a chance to defend herself there. So far my impression of Lanque is: this guy’s a huge cock. Or possibly a huge nook. Idk what the troll equivalent is.

The narrator decides to ‘Switzerland out of’ this conversation. They say this out loud, of course. Who needs an internal monologue, these days?

Lanque invites us to stay - we’re ‘much more interesting’ anyway. Eesh. I’m inclined to look for a ‘fuck right off where’s my pepper spray’ button, but that’s just me being a lesbian I guess. (Pepper spray is also illegal in the UK. I’m pretty sure.)

Yeah, you said it. He says he’s got ‘less time to waste than most’.

Bryn sees a meta joke about the narrative structure, Bryn clicks the screenshot button.

(Speak of the screenshot button, I had to rebind it to make it easier to paste the screenshots, you see in Ubuntu-- oh, you’re asleep?)

Anyway I kind of expected a choice around about now, but no, we barrel forwards, and end up dancing with Lanque. He takes our hand and leads us to another part of the house.

At that point, Elwurd shows up! I wonder how much of the cast is set to make an appearance in this chapter. If it’s all 35 trolls we’ve encountered so far, this is gonna be a long chapter!

Elwurd seems to be Lanque’s dealer. Not sure what drug she’s selling exactly. Apparently ‘you a drone?’ is the Alternian equivalent of ‘you a cop?’...

Anyway, Lanque buys the drug, and peer pressures us to take it. We’re like, nuh-uh.

We did not, we tell him, ask him to buy drugs for us.

I’m proud of you, protagonist. At the beginning of this story you’d have done anything to get a friend.

At that point, Diemen makes his reappearance. We really are going through the entire cast here, huh.

Yeah. That one’s just too obvious.

Anyway, undrugged, we get to dancing.

God, V, we get it, you want to fuck trolls. The narrator goes with it, though.

I find it kind of interesting how, like... our protagonist in the beginning and ending sketches is pretty much like, a marshmallow, indicating that they represent some kind of AFGNCAAP. But over time, little assumptions leak in. For example, we’re some kind of American nerd - our education system included a ‘high school’, and we had the option to learn Spanish there. We are relatively physically unfit. The wordplay suggests we know English.

Sometimes it’s deliberate - clearly someone made a choice to make it so that our protagonist has opinions about rap and knows a bit about professional wrestling, to suit the themes of the chapters. Those aren’t like, presumed traits assumed of the Homestuck audience, but things that kind of carve out a specific identity

So yeah... we’ve already had the whole ‘cheese person’ thing in Fozzer’s route, and here they’re straight up declaring the protag has pale skin. (Which doesn’t mean they’re white, necessarily, but they are apparently not Black, say.) I think that’s kind of a shame - a wasted opportunity.

Homestuck has already traded a lot on the ambiguity of its characters, which the fandom tends to read as implicitly white, except for like, a relatively small corner. This came to a head at points - most infamously the ‘CAUCASIAN’ controversy during the trickster mode phase, when Hussie ‘jokingly’ declared that his previously ambiguous characters (shaded pure #FFFFFF white, implying a ‘blank slate’) were ‘CAUCASIAN’ in bright flashing letters - at least while in trickster mode. After backlash, the panels were left as-is, but ‘CAUCASIAN’ was replaced with ‘PEACHY’.

Friendsim could have been an opportunity to improve the record a bit, especially as its narrative explicitly addresses many questions of societal oppression and occasionally makes explicit analogues to racism. But... they didn’t do that. Alas.

Anyway, moving on.

Apparently I’m very predictable because the very next panel addresses this exact line of thought.

I feel like this and the ‘not racist’ joke in the previous arc by ‘V’ are kind of... well I don’t know anything about ‘V’, and what they might be intending by these jokes. Here, it’s kind of parodying the whole thing in Homestuck rather explicitly... but whether it’s like, challenging it? There’s definitely a reading that’s like... pointed sarcasm, challenging the source material’s noncommital laziness.

Hey art interpretation is hard lol.

V’s writing is unusually striking, in a way I’m not quite sure how I feel about. I will think more about that once we’ve fully explored this chapter.

Things are getting pretty meta. He comments how we’re paper thin and he can see our blood. We’re like, ok, so you’re a vampire then?

This is the kind of thing! Writing that’s like... on the edge of like, telling a story and just directly talking to the reader, pushing us to engage with ambiguity and metaphor.

To release the tension a bit, the narrator does a ‘sexy dance’.

Anyway, we don’t get to find out what Lanque really thinks of our sexy dancing. Because at that point, Bronya shows up. Lanque decides it’s time to go.

...to a respiteblock, where else. So much for this being a friendsim and pointedly not a dating sim.

We are, it seems, safe. Lanque politely asks if we’d like to kiss. There’s another reminder that this is a very nsfw not for kids scene about to go down in this room right now.

So that’s apparently going to be our decision here. FUCK THE BOY/DO NOT FUCK THE BOY

...no, that’s not our choice. We’re kissing the boy no matter what. This is also portrayed in first person view, because consistency is important!

Apparently our blood tastes ‘sharp and dangerous - like a weapon’.

I feel like this is about to answer a whole fucking lot of fandom questions. At least as far as Hiveswap canon is concerned - arguably a separate entity to Homestuck canon, though obviously, like an expanded universe, designed to be read almost exclusively with intertextuality in mind. An elaboration, I guess.

There’s more like... hey check it out we’re going NSFW. Still nothing like a choice button yet.

One thing I find interesting is like... while this game is packed with lesbians of various stripes, and evidently many of the writers are gay or bi women, all the trolls who get really horny scenes have been boys. (Two of them written by ‘V’, admittedly). Mallek first with his shirtless scene, then much more recently Marvus, and now Lanque.

Also look at these guys. Pretty sure V has a type.

Anyway, the narrator makes the mistake of saying something vaguely derogatory about buckets.

Not sure like... what he finds derogatory there. Mentioning ‘buckets’ vs ‘pails’ (might be a distinction between reproductive and non-reproductive sex?), or saying that he doesn��t seem to have one? He says it’d be his first time.

With an alien, huh. *xenofucker fist bump*

Instead of a sex scene, we get a lore drop.

Once he gets shipped offworld, there will be no more ‘sneaking out of the caverns’. To Lanque, this effectively means his life will be over. This is his last chance to fuck!

A little overdramatic, dude!

Before we can get to it, Bronya interrupts.

So we get interrupted by Bronya. This is finally our choice point. Do we dob Lanque in, or do we fuck?

Regarding ‘problematic’, the main thing I’m seeing is like... Lanque is, at best, barely of age. Since he’s talking about getting shipped offworld soon, I’m guessing he’s close to troll adulthood. In terms of real-world narratives, this is taking on the general tone of ‘college story’ - complete with allusion to a frat party.

I think like... I’m going to read this whole visual novel, and write what I think about it. However, I can also totally understand why you would not want to read this kind of ‘first time’ story. So I’m going to leave that branch to a readmore at the end of the post. Above the cut, to give you all some kind of ending, and we’ll go down the ‘call his mum’ branch. Lol it’s not nearly as nsfw as they make it sound, there’s nothing that really need readmores, nevermind this lol.

Bronya busts the door open and tells him to get dressed immediately.

Lanque gets his mean streak back on, and goes in on Bronya now.

He does love the word ‘bitch’, does Lanque. He tells her she’s not actually his lusus (oh yeah, lusii... it’s been a while since we’ve seen one honestly. The last one was the goat.) She slaps him. He pretends like it was a sex thing.

This is not pretty. Bronya launches into a lecture on Lanque: sneaking out, being an ass to Lynera, and...

Yeah, maybe it’s a good thing we didn’t get further involved.

Apparently he’s not deterred by the fact that we literally called Bronya up to get out of fucking him, and adds us on Chittr before he leaves.

So that’s an ending. Sweet look, protagonist.

But it’s not the ending ending. We get a final screen.

Sure, I want to understand. Is this going to be some kind of direct artist-to-reader commentary on what they were trying to accomplish with that chapter?

The text box turns white, and the font changes. I bet this is Doc Scratch. So no, probably not that. In fact, this segues straight into the epilogue. I think there are different versions of the epilogue depending how you approach the final chapter, or else we were supposed to play the other branch before Lanque, so for the sake of putting the epilogue at the end, I’ll save it for a future post. (I’ve already written it up.)

Now, the other Lanque branches. First of all, refusing at the NSFW notice.

So they poke fun at the reader for like, not accepting the NSFW notice. Uh-huh. You know that Steam doesn’t automatically give a mature content warning if you’ve set up your account that way right? Which I guess is my own fault lol.

Anyway, doing this leads to like... a totally different arc, and a totally different canon. Huh, I genuinely expected they’d like just end the story there.

It’s a cozy party now, apparently.

This version of Lanque is... different.

For one thing, he’s got a flower crown. And instead of soft sexy jazz, we have a pretty piano piece. He says hi to Lynera and me.

Hmm. Not entirely un-hornified, then.

Lynera gushes wildly about us, recapping a whole bunch of plot.

It turns out, rather than taking drugs and having sex and other such risqué things, this party is a chill poetry reading.

So I realise this entire branch is just like, an extended joke at the reader. Look how un-edgy this is. We’re going to support our friends and read poetry.

In this one, instead of asking to kiss us, he asks to hold hands before we read poetry. And he says this is a poem about a past relationship, and it might be a bit raw.

We get Lanque’s poem, in full.

I was going to copy-paste the whole thing in, but it’s quite long, so let’s be uncool and respect copyright or whatever because my fingers were getting tired. It is quite good... addressing loss, and memory, and the lingering influence of a past relationship. It makes me wish I had ever developed the ability to appreciate and comment on poetry, because I feel like I just don’t have the vocabulary to comment on it, or what it might connect to, or anything else. The narration agrees: raw, emotional.

I imagine, though perhaps this is presumptuous, it is reflecting something quite real in the real life of ‘V’.

Lynera also gets the chance to read out a poem. She happens to have one on hand. It’s about Bronya, sure enough, and her loneliness and alienation.

Afterwards, she is self-deprecating.

This version of Lanque is kind and reassuring - the complete opposite of his persona in the sexy branch.

We leave with Lynera after hugging it out. Reading her poem, and being with other trolls in this way, seems to have really helped Lynera. There’s another pointed bit of defensiveness at potential critics.

Soapbox: This is the state of discourse, where the complex feelings we have in relation to fictional works must get flattened out into strict ‘rules’. A character can easily support lesbian and bi interpretations; it can be a relief to bi people and upsetting for lesbians when one of those possibilities is ruled out by having her express interest in a man (not that this, ultimately, rules out lesbian interpretations, since a person can of course be mistaken about their feelings).

To lesbians, it is perhaps likely more salient that many characters they identify with end up expressing attraction to men, and this can seem like yet another instance. To bi women, narratives about picking a ‘side’ are perhaps more likely to be salient, and it can be relief to have an explicitly bi character.

The only conclusion we can draw is that gender is a hellish system of punishment and exploitation, and we should seek to be kind to each other and also abolish it forthwith, write our own stories, and abolish the stranglehold that capital holds on all aspects of our lives including the symbolic media we use to understand the world.

All that said, this repetitive defensiveness about ‘problematic’ writing does kind of annoy me a bit, even if I can understand where it comes from. Let your work speak for itself.

Anyway, that’s enough huge essays (I say, falsely). Let’s finish out the branch.

“...right?”

This branch finishes out with a poke at the whole structure of the game so far - the good endings, bad endings, and so on. We’ve not made a friend, but we have made a stronger connecting with an existing one.

I’m not sure how seriously we should take that given the way ‘valid’ has become pretty much a joke word, if this is still an extended dig at the audience, but there we are.

That was a surprisingly long and rich branch for a first choice, which is kind of nice, actually.

If we click ‘no’ on ‘do you want to understand’...

We just get a game over screen with us sitting in our watchtower looking sad.

So now... it’s time for the nsfw section discussed above. Except... it’s a total fakeout.

First of all, we get an implication that it’s not his first time at all. Anyway, then we get to it. Which is to say, we get a fade to silly anime joke. God, this is like those old 4chan stories where they’d set you up for a sex scene and then rickroll you or something.

We get a ‘dorito faced anime boy’ joke I guess?

Afterwards...

Lol.

Anyway, in this branch, he doesn’t add us on chittr. Lol.

So yeah we die of shame. Welp.

God I can’t believe I thought this would actually go there. Of course it would be a joke at the audience.

Looking back, well, you know, reading the metaphors: he’s a predatory guy and lied through his teeth to get into our pants. Obviously it’s not his first time; obviously he’s not about to bugger off to space and never have sex again T_T, obviously the shit he said was just to get us to fuck; this isn’t just cheesy narrative tropes but within the fiction him playing the protagonist in order to get us to fuck. Complete with the whole attempt to drug us, and make it very unambiguously rape. (Which no doubt Elwurd knew). He got us to explicitly consent before we did anything, but also did enough shady shit so as to make that ‘consent’ kind of questionable when viewed later.

Viewed in that light... what I originally thought was just someone writing a horny fantasy about a hot dominating guy who’s totally into you~ is actually like... a pretty sharp piece of writing about shit pulled by men. There were plenty of warning signs - the ‘objectifying’ way he looks at you, the way he attempts to drug you, etc. I would like to imagine that IRL, rather than taking it as a piece of fiction, I wouldn’t be vulnerable to the same tactics. (Well, obviously I wouldn’t from a guy, at any rate). But it’s kind of a nicely written piece to make you feel stupid and taken advantage of afterwards like... why the fuck did you go along with this.

Though given that this kind of thing is something that people like... actually go through, I feel like they could have warned for it better than ‘challenging and controversial material’. Yes, that might have robbed it of some of its power; but it would also mean that it wouldn’t trigger people who have trauma over this exact kind of thing.

So.

“V”.

Honestly, my strongest feeling about “V” is one of respect. Both their stories have been a weird blend of cheeky, challenging and playful, with some very astute elements and an enormous amount of energy and intensity. They’re prepared to fuck with the reader in ways both silly (lick the troll’s armpit!) and rather more serious (this whole arc), they fuck around with canonicity and narrative structure in creative ways... I wonder what else they’ve written?

There remains only these two clown twins, and the epilogue.

Barzum and Baizli

To finish out the set, we have another pair. The Alternian text says ‘The Soleil Twins’, so I guess that’s their surname. The twins are written by Kieran Miranda, who previously wrote Azdaja, Stelsa and Charun.

The story begins with day nearing, and the protagonist friendless. They get the idea to like... head over to relax with Skylla, but before they can, they run into a house.

A very haunted looking house.

An easy choice for us to begin. ‘No fucking way’ naturally skips this arc, right?

Nope, back at the house. We get another choice: leave left or right. I picked left. I doubt it matters.

Yep, that kind of house. We can’t escape.

After a struggle, we reach the door.

Inside, we immediately pass out with a sense of nausea. Lovely. This can only go well. We hear something like bugs skittering away.

The mansion does at least seem to be explorable. Unfortunately, the door leads to a portrait gallery full of clowns, which is not the most welcome place to end up.

Someone tunes one of the portraits. It turns out to be a TV. Dramatic piano chords come in.

Oh hey it’s some friends.

Their shtick is that the one on the right finishes the one on the left’s sentences, the one on the left speaks in all lower case, and the one on the right speaks in all caps.

They want us to find them. They’re very bored you see, and want to play a game. This is, I understand, an allusion to the Saw series of horror movies, in which I gather a person places people in buildings full of sadistic traps, monitored by various cameras and a small puppet with spiral cheeks. So I guess that’s us now.

We get our first real choice.

I think the door is too obvious. If there’s not another exit, we’ll have to take the door anyway - though that’s likely a different branch, realistically speaking.

We discover a hidden door. Behind it is... a hole in the ground.

I guess we have instant-death options later than usual in this chapter. Our final thought is about the terrible loss of our Chittr profile.

Well, that’s fine. Let’s see what happens if we go straight into the house instead of wandering around.

Approaching the house immediately just skips the wandering around; the text is the same. It was a fake choice. Skipping forward, let’s see what happens if we take the obvious door, not the hidden one.

As we move down the hallway, the lights come on and the walls start bleeding. Lovely. Glorious sense of interior decoration. Tip top.

Beyond the door, we end up in another dark room. Maybe this one will be more of a true CYOA, with death options in every room.

But no. Not immediately, anyway. Ropes come out of the ground and tie us up. The two trolls who were watching us make themselves known.

Carnivalish music kicks in. We finally get a clear view of our captors.

Baizli right (allcaps), Barzum left (lowercase). I’ll try to remember that.

The twins say some predictably sinister stuff about removing our intestines (acid tubes, in trollspeak). The narrator grumbles about once again being reduced to the status of ‘torture muppet’.

When we express a desire to leave, Barzum and Baizli swap both demeanour and capitalisation rule. Now Baizli looks sad, and speaks in lowercase, while Barzum is pissed and speaks in caps.

These two twins, in the tradition of creepy twins, seem to share one mind. Which means they can hardly prank each other! They need someone else.

They rev up a chainsaw and suddenly... we’re back in the same room we started.

Looks like we’ve had another bit of time fuckery from The Powers That Be. Compare Fozzer. The loops kick in, faster and faster. Glued. Buried alive.

Having read the epilogue, all I’ll say is that it seems like someone is trying very hard to push us onto a timeline that ‘works’.

There’s a joke about time loop movies which I don’t get because I haven’t seen very many time loop movies.

After ‘20 or so’ loops, we decide we’ve had enough. But we get a choice of what to do about it.

Let’s try ‘Fuck this.’ first.

This turns out to mean attempting to intimidate the twins instead of begging them to release us.

While they’re baffled by this display, we make a break for an air vent. Surprisingly, we make good our escape. There’s a mention of all our jogging training with Stelsa, which happened in a non-canonical timeline - there was a whole thing about it! - but fair enough. Guess that’s another thing that persists between timelines. Or maybe the protag just thinks they went jogging with Stelsa in this timeline.

We find we’ve missed a bunch of texts from Skylla while we were out, and plan to head over there. But alas... the space loop is still in effect.

We end up back at the house. Unable to escape from the pocket dimension, the branch ends...

So let’s try the other option: ‘remember who you are’.

Come, try to remember...

And that is, of course... FRIENDSHIP. This time, we have something to say to the clowns (after ensuring we haven’t pissed ourselves).

Not killing us is apparently a novel idea for the twins. Or rather, they didn’t plan to kill us - just cut us up a bit, unaware that we wouldn’t heal right back up. The protag corrects the misconception.

So now we’re teaching the creepy clown kids the meaning of friendship. Novel!

The lights come up and they put on a little circus show for us. Apparently this building is not their hive.

They show us various other dangerous-looking circus tricks with the torture/circus equipment. Ah, says the narrator, so risking their lives is these kids’ hobby.

It turns out these kids hatched from the same egg. They tell us they do in fact share a mind entirely - one mind, two bodies.

And at last we end up chilling out and sharing stories.

With this friendship established, we sense a shift of some kind. We take this as a sign that the door might have finally opened.

Not only is the door open, but the ‘pocket dimension’ has dissipated too. The power of friendship! ...or fulfilling some secret design of whoever created the pocket dimension. Mmm.

How touching.

There’s a fakeout victory jingle, which turns out to have been a prank. They explain that... the creepy blood seeping walls and so on were their ‘chucklevoodoos’, but as for the time loop... Not them at all.

“Do you want to understand?” asks the prompt again. Time... for the epilogue.

[spaceorphan18]

Finding Kurt Hummel: Old Dogs, New Tricks

Masterpost

5x19: Old Dogs, New Tricks

Previously on Glee: Everyone else is doing things - while Kurt has his collections of neckerchiefs.   Kinda wondering if Chris wrote that one, lol.   

So....  Yeah, this is the episode that Chris Colfer wrote.  And what do I think of it? Because I know you guys are all here for my very professional opinion on all these things... lol.  It’s... fine.  There are some things that really work -- Santana as a publicist - excellent!! Sam and Mercedes’s relationship issues -- great.  Dogs dragging Lea Michele down the road because of her bratty behavior - totally here for that.  Honestly, I think the Kurt portion of the story may be the weakest aspect of this episode, but this is Chris’s first try at a TV script, and I think he’s done a lot better than a lot of people out there -- including whoever wrote I Kissed a Girl, ug.  

I do think there’s some dialogue that’s a little stiff, and Chris has a tendency to write a little on the cheesy side, but I’m really sad that season 6 wasn’t longer to give him another go at it, cause I think TV writing might have been a good avenue for him.  And I really hope that some day he gets to head his own TV show - because I think it’s something he’d do rather well at.  So - that’s my two cents. 

I will say - this episode is mostly stand alone.  And with the season drawing to a close -- I really am missing those extra two episodes that were chopped off the end of the season.  I really would have liked to play around in this sandbox for a tad bit longer, as I think there were most definitely more stories to tell.  At least I am grateful for what we got. 

Problem Child

So, I’m not going to spend much time (or really at all) trying to figure out how Chris feels about this or that as evident through the script.  I mean -- TV is a collaborative process -- and even if Chris wrote the script, I’m sure a lot of people still had their input, and he didn’t direct it, so...  But I think this still is a good indicator about how he felt about Rachel.  I mean...  yeah, it’s probably how we all feel about Rachel, tbh.  

 So as we open -- Kurt wants to see a movie, but, well, Blaine is too busy doing stuff with June, Santana just doesn’t want to, and Rachel’s freaking out that image is being tarnished because she fucked up in the previous episode.  And, as most things do, it becomes all about Rachel.  Santana, however, steps up to be her publicist -- which is -- incredibly inspired!! Can I just keep the headcanon that Santana sticks to being a publicist, this is a fantastic choice for her.  Thank you, Chris, for this.  

Anyway - Kurt’s more than annoyed -- and even has to tell Rachel to keep her voice down because they’re in side -- because he is, more often than not, Rachel’s care giver.  Because seriously, this girl cannot seem to function on her own.  

So -- here’s my thing.  This script is a little awkward going forward -- a lot of it is Kurt harping on how his ‘friends’ aren’t there for him, though only specifically focusing on Rachel.  And while I think the Rachel was the safest route to go, and one that’s been clearly building for a while, I do think it might have been interesting to see how that played out with others -- such as Mercedes or Santana or even Blaine.  (Though, honestly, I’m glad Chris did the smart thing and not include a lot of Blaine in this script.  I totally get why he did -- because he really didn’t want to be harassed about it -- and that was the wisest choice for him.) 

Oh and then to everyone’s shock - Rachel goes to yell at someone for putting their dog in their purse.  I mean, is this an LA thing? I kinda wonder if this is an LA thing that pisses Chris off and he gets to yell through Rachel.  It kinda feels like it, lol.  Anyway... Kurt’s in the background, but his ‘wtf are you doing’ look is classic. 

Pillsbury

So - this episode has to do with three of Chris’s favorite things: 1. Dogs (animals); 2. Old People; and 3. Fairy tales.  I mean - I don’t think it gets much Chris-ish than that -- unless you wanted to throw in aliens.  I do find it hilarious that he brings all these things to Kurt, because they aren’t really there before -- but it seems to fit in pretty well.  

Anyway - we get June Squibb in the form of Maggie Banks (Do you see -- it’s a combo of Maggie Smith and Mrs Banks from Mary Poppins -- at least that’s what I assume is the inspiration.) I’m not going to talk too much about June Squibb’s performance -- because it’s awkward at best  (I can’t tell if it’s her acting or if it’s the lines).  But it makes a ton of sense that this actress just coming into her own in her 80s is who they got to play the part.  I assume Chris adored working with her.  

Anyway, this old folks home is doing a rendition of Peter Pan (get it - cause they’re old, and they want to stay young forever -- this script is full of stuff like this.  I can’t tell if it’s clever or not.)  And Maggie’s gonna start screaming elder abuse if the poster doesn’t go up in the diner.  But -- that doesn’t stop her from noticing that Kurt’s full of his usual ennui.  

Hilariously, he says he files all his problems away and lets it out during an episode of Long Island Medium.  (This is another Chris-ism.  Yeah, I can’t stop pointing these out.)  While questionable choice of reality TV aside, I do think this is a fascinating beat for Kurt -- he’s internalizing all of his issues.  Maybe it’s cause no matter how far he gets in his life, and partially cause he does have super involved in themselves friends, Kurt’s not one to reach out when he’s got issues.  THIS IS NOT A GOOD THING KURT!!

You wanna know why Kurt and Blaine break up a second time? Cause Kurt pretty much sucks at letting people know he’s struggling with something.  He thinks he can fix everything himself, and you know what? You can’t sweetie -- so talk to people! 

Well -- here he gets to talk to June, and let’s it out that he’s feeling a little left behind lately.  Santana’s starring in vaginal cream commercials, Mercedes’s is becoming the next Beyonce, Blaine has found a sugar mama, and Rachel has already hit her mid-40s where she’s fucking up her Broadway career for a shot at TV.  And Kurt feels like he’s gotten nowhere.  Which -- yeah he hasn’t.  And that’s not a bad thing, not really, since he’s the only one on a sure and steady course, but when everyone around you feels like they’re miles ahead in their lives, it can feel heavy being the only one not /there/.  (I getcha kiddo, I really do.) 

Also - I think it’s hilarious that he says he’s the mother in a Nancy Myers movie.  (That is so Kurt, and so Chris.)  And, god, yeah, let someone else take over handling Rachel.  Geez. 

Kurt then finds out that his therapy session is with /The/ Maggie Banks -- the woman who once starred in the worst Broadway show of all time, a musical about Helen Keller.  (Eesh)  And after being awkwardly asked to come back to the home, she invites him back to watch them rehearse.  Sure - why not, he doesn’t have anything else to do.  

Look at what a happy little goober he is -- he’s gonna hang out with old people! 

Broadway Bitches

Oh Broadway Bitches.  I have a heancanon that Chris came up with this at 2 in the morning and immediately texted Ashley cause he thought it was so funny.  Is it clever? Yes.  Is it something I’d use as a name for an organization dealing with kids? No...  But moving on... 

Can I just reiterate that Santana as a publicist is hilarious.  Also her line -- ‘a designer so fancy I can’t even pronounce his name, there’s hardly any vowels’ is a line Chris probably came up with way back on the season 1 press tour and never got to use. 

Anyway -  to rehabilitate her image, Rachel, Santana, and Mercedes are going to do a show.  And Kurt wants in -- cause Chris remembers continuity and Dani’s off doing roller derby and Elliott’s at a yoga retreat so no more One Tree Hill.  You know - I hate to say this - but I kinda see why he’s not invited here, cause it is about imaging - but they don’t have to be such awful people about telling him no.  

Santana actually says if he’s there he’d probably pull focus which is a) meta and b) probably true.  But Kurt’s rightfully hurt.  They get to continue to roll around in their self-involvement while Kurt gets to be shoved aside.  Again.  

I’m kinda surprised Kurt hasn’t taken up a drinking problem at this point. 

Memories

So Kurt goes to check out the retirement home.  They’re getting ready for their production -- and there are three different headshots of Maggie on that board.  Just saying.  Kurt thinks it’s pretty cool.  And I mean -- I think there is a cool story there to be told about actors who are now considered over their prime when in fact they’re still awesome and kicking butt.  

This episode is going to be a bit heavy handed about it -- cause as much as I love Chris, he’s incredibly heavy handed in his writing -- but it’s a nice sentiment.  And I do think it’s proper that Kurt would be infatuated with stars of old.  

I don’t really have any thing to add -- it’s just a nice shot of Kurt.  He’s amused by this sweet little production. 

Also! I suppose it’s time to bring up Billy Dee Williams and Tim Conway, who have really minor roles in this episode.  I kinda wish they were in it more - their characters are a bit fun.  

And then the woman who plays Peter dies.  Okay, so I kinda find the dark humor funny.  (Also Chris-ism.)  It’s fine guys.  I’m sure she had a delightful life.  

After the commercial break, and after Maggie’s irritation that the dead woman was selfish for dying and ruining the production, we get some more heavy handed commentary about how old people need a reason to keep on living.  Which -- is fine? Chris not to edit your script but you gotta work on more showing and less telling 

And then we get this weird beat of Tim Conway wanting to sit on the chair.  Move kid - it’s his chair! idk. I think it’s funny? 

Kurt claims he can fill in, unless they have rules against that.  They only really have two rules -- a) don’t loose your teeth and b) take the correct meds.  Sure.  The guy claiming he was a pterodactyl however steals the show with his delivery. It’s absolutely hilarious.  

Meanwhile - Kurt goes on to say how much he adored Mary Martin’s Peter Pan back in the day (which explains a lot.  Also Chris-ism.  Five bucks that was one of Chris’s favorite movies as a kid.)  Anyway - he also still sings like a girl so he can totally take it on.  

The retirement home has standards so they have to at least have to hear him sing -- which is great! Cause Kurt always carries around sheet music just in case, lol.  That’s such a Glee-esque line.  What?  

And then Kurt sings a perfectly adequate version of Memory from Cats.  

Okay - I don’t have a lot to say about it, tbh.  It’s nice, Chris sounds just fine on it -- and I’d guess this would be his last solo of the series if Maggie didn’t come in at the end.  But, you know, the song is more about cherishing the memory of these actors -- and people in general who are worth remembering for their great accomplishments - even if they aren’t doing as such any more.  Again - a nice sentiment.  But I don’t really have anything to meta about on Kurt.  

Also I don’t like this song (I’m sorry! don’t send me hate mail).  

By the end - Kurt’s inspired everyone to get up and keep on living.  And has proven to himself that he can handle Andrew Lloyd Weber.  

Btw - the couple of guys dressed up as the lost boys are super cute.  

Homocchio (Ha!) 

The scene before this, btw, is Rachel being dragged by dogs a block.  I mean - it’s funny, yes, but also, c’mon -- are you really going to tell me it’s not at least a little bit of payback? 

Anyway - Kurt bounces in to let Rachel and Santana know that he’s scored the role of Peter in a retirement home’s production of Peter Pan -- to which they are like - eh, okay, nice try Kurt.  And well, Kurt doesn’t take that too well.  I mean, sometimes a role is a role -- and Kurt’s obviously excited about it -- so if you’re a good friend, you suck it up and at least congratulate your friend.  I mean seriously.  But this is Rachel and Santana -  Santana mocks him and Rachel gets incredibly self-involved.  This has been the case since season 1 - so I’m not sure what Kurt was expecting. 

Kurt asks them to go - but they say no.  Santana’s honest about it being dumb, but Rachel claims she has her image to keep up and her stuff is more important.  And Kurt finally lets her have it -- he’s right, she calls him day and night to fix her shit, but when is she ever there for her? Honestly, this rant could have gone on for another five minutes.  It’s nice to see that I’m not the only one irritated by the unbalanced Hummelberry dynamic that’s been going on since season 3.  

Kurt storms out of there cause seriously, he’s had enough. 

Dress Rehearsal 

Hey - it’s time for an awkward dress rehearsal with some pretty entertaining jokes and some more heavy handedness about how you’re only as young as you feel.  I don’t think it’s a bad idea -- but does every scene have to have a speech about it?  

Anyway - Kurt’s sweet in his attempt to inspire them and himself, and suggests updating the music.  

Btw - there’s this line: Ever since you were a question on Jeopardy, you’ve been a know-it-all.  (ha! that made me laugh) 

And then we get some back story on Maggie - how she sends herself flowers because her daughter is estranged.  And Kurt feels sad.   I mean there’s some stuff in there about how Maggie’s daughter is like Kurt’s friends -- not really there when needed, which again, is a nice parallel. I’m just not really fond of Kurt feeling like he’s gotta fix things with Maggie instead of trying to fix things with his friends.  YMMV.

I Hate This Scene - Yup, I’m Going With That as a Header

So - Kurt claims he caused an oil spill in a national park and gets himself in to see Maggie’s daughter.  Oh my god - Kurt, no... At least Clara directly calls security (one guy - cause it’s Kurt) and then when Kurt claims it’s about his mother -- she thinks he’s ‘dating’ her to get her money.  

Oh, god, Chris, why did you write this scene?? 

So here’s my real issue.  The crux of it is about Kurt trying to get Clara to see her mom again cause Maggie misses her so much.  But Clara tells him that basically -- Clara was emotionally abusive to her, which is why Clara doesn’t go see her.  And then Kurt gives a song and dance about why she should just get over that -- and omg NO KURT NO! 

Look - I get the sentiment here -- that we should maybe try to make amends before it’s too late.  But - Clara made the healthy choice of cutting out an abusive family member and looks like she’s just doing fine on her own.  And to have a stranger, who has no understanding of the situation come in an tell you to try to fix it is over stepping like whoa.  Kurt is so in the wrong here - and I can’t even a little bit defend him.  

This story would have worked just fine if Maggie had her regrets and talked to Kurt about living his life and not having them -- it wasn’t needed for Kurt to fix Maggie and give her a happy ending.  Stories don’t always need to have happy endings to make their point.  

Anyway - Clara rightfully throws him out.  But not before Kurt goes on to talk about how his mom died and he wished he’d had one - so she should be grateful that she does. And be the better person and take care of Maggie now that she’s old - even if she sucked as a parent.  Again - no - this is also emotional manipulation.  Kurt, no! Stop! This scene is just... no!! 

I am glad that Clara just doesn’t say anything and gets him out of there.  

My Old Ladies Are Better Than Yours

To make up for the atrocity that was that previous scene - we get a Klaine scene that is really quite beautiful in its simplicity.  Chris didn’t have to put this in here -- but he did, and I’m grateful, because it’s sweet and warm and old married-like, and while Blaine really isn’t in this episode, I’m glad that they were allowed to have this small moment and leave the drama for someone else to write. 

So -- Blaine jokes that he’s missing stuff with June to be there for Kurt -- but ultimately, of course he’s there for Kurt.  Because he’ll always be there for Kurt.  Like I said earlier -- this story is more about Kurt’s issues with Rachel (and himself for feeling like he’s going nowhere) more than anything having to do with Blaine.  

I do think it’s interesting that Blaine comments on how happy Kurt’s been -- and how that hasn’t been the case lately.  I like that Blaine’s checking in, even if Kurt isn’t fully open.  Kurt admits that he feels like this role is finally a step forward in his life, and being with the retirement group is giving him something that he’s been missing -- but I do think there’s an underlying sadness that Kurt’s not addressing.  

Kurt’s not opening up to Blaine about his insecurities and his feelings -- and that is going to cause a problem.  While they are mostly fine -- I do think Kurt’s continued withdrawal from admitting how he feels is going to blow up in his face later.  Communication is key, guys, do it! 

How adorable is Kurt in this outfit? :) 

The other thing I really love about this scene is the casual intimacy of familiarity.  They are an old married couple in this scene -- from Blaine helping Kurt with his costume, to Kurt telling Blaine to sit a row back cause Gladys can’t keep solids down.  It’s not in-your-face affection - it’s light touches and smiles and I really love that during this arc they finally allowed Klaine to have that. 

Peter Pan

Before the show - Kurt asks Maggie if she’d like to be his family, since their own families are too busy for them.  It’s a sweet moment - but I’m also like -- Kurt, seriously -- talk to your friends!! But yeah, sometimes you do need to carve out your family where you can find it.  Non-tradition is an okay thing. 

For reasons I don’t fully understand, Kurt breaks down and calls Rachel -- apologizing for yelling at her (seriously?) and tells her he hopes her own show goes alright.  Kurt’s a good egg.  Rachel’s lucky to have him as a friend.  

She rushes him off the phone -- but only because she’s sitting with the rest of the gang waiting for his show to start.  And he’s stupidly excited.  See -- they love you Kurt -- they do!!  (Plus, it’s my headcanon that Blaine had something to do with rounding them all up...) 

And... then we get the whole reason Chris wrote the episode -- so he could fly around as Peter Pan while singing Madonna’s Lucky Star, with an entourage of old people in the background.  Lol.  The whole thing is cute and ridiculous and cute.  And of course, it works for the show, and gives a chance to Chris Kurt to completely geek out.  I mean, yes, I know, Kurt in that costume, but the old people are also ridiculously adorable in this scene. 

I’m not sure about the whole old people turning into little kids thing (man with the heavy handedness, the metaphor works fine without it) but it’s nearly blink and you miss it, so I won’t really even comment. 

Clara ends up showing up and reconciling with Maggie.  And I have a cold, dead heart because the scene just doesn’t work for me.  Like I said earlier -- not everything has to have a happy ending. 

But at the end of the day, this show is still Glee. 

But the important thing is that Kurt’s friends all showed up.  Rachel gushes that some day they’ll be old folks in a home (eesh) and Sam goes straight for the crotch to comment on the harness squeezing, um, things, lol.  But ultimately - Rachel’s set it up so that the old folks can come do the performance again -- so we can combine old people with puppies and could this episode be any cuter?  The only thing missing is aliens. 

Kurt: What do you say, Maggie, you think you got a second act in you? Maggie: I never used to believe in second acts.  But you’ve proven me wrong.

Omg.  Chris - this should be your submission for a place on the staff of a Disney show. 

Take Me Home

See -- look how adorable? 

After a rousing speech from Rachel about being shallow is dumb and you should care about things that are bigger than you are -- they break out into a chorus of Take Me Home.  And this is where I appreciate Lea Michele - because she’s able to sell the incredibly cheesy dialogue better than June Squibb.  I mean, look, I like cheesy - I do -- but it’s dialed up to 11 in this episode.  Chris, I love you to death, but you don’t have to try so hard to get your point across <3 

I’m sorry if I came off as extra harsh about the episode -- I don’t think it’s bad, and it’s certainly better than about half the other episodes of the show.  I think it’s just me nitpicking - cause I do adore Chris and I really want him to push himself to be better.  This is a great first try, and I really do hope he gets more tries in the future -- cause I do think he has potential.  I just want someone there to soften the rougher edges of his writing.  That’s all. 

And the episode ends with a mutual love fest for everyone.  Cause it’s not a true Glee ending without everyone barfing glitter and rainbows.  Lol, I’m only half being facetious - it’s cute, and a little wrong about Rachel, but fits the episode perfectly.

Oh my goodness - one more season 5 episode left... 

[notnaturalanahi]

What Kinda Lame Name For a Demon is Dean?

Characters: 1st person Gender neutra!lReader, Demon!Dean, nameless Demon, OC’s (also unnamed). It can be a Demon!Dean x Reader if you want to.

Wc: 3167 (consider this a long drabble)

Warnings: Foul language, drinking, violence, blood, death (minor character), loose ends and loopholes, open ending. 

[This is a crack fic, don’t lose sleep over it]

Summary: I decide to stop  for a drink on my way home and it’s defenitely not what I expected for a wednesday night.

A/N: This piece is my entry for @evansrogerskitten Ash’s Hottest Dean Challenge my prompt is bolded in the text and there’s also a gif. I have so much writing this one. It was supposed to be a drabble of this scene that popped into my mind, but it turned out into this cracky/action thing. 

Unbetad, brace yoourselves for mistakes.

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The weather’s chilly and drizzly tonight, from where I’m sitting at the counter I have the perfect view of the dark night and the empty street outside. Well, empty with the exception of the occasional car that rolls by with the windshield wipers mid speed or the passerby covered head to toe and carrying an umbrella or a few street dogs… Okay, maybe not that empty. Anyway,  since I forgot my umbrella and only realized it after I got off work I decided to make a stop when I saw the bar down the street from my office was open. This first half of the week had been dreadful, so I deserve a drink to cut short the week.

Staring at my drink in hand I reconsider my previous plans. I made the decision as I walked into the establishment that I would only have two drinks, but now as I contemplate the last of the 2nd one I find my mouth itching for more, maybe just a 3rd or even a 4th after that one… I know I shouldn’t, I have an early morning tomorrow and I should be at home right now finishing with the retouches of my thesis. It’s been a long way but I think after the professor’s last corrections it’s gonna be perfect… so yeah, I’m going home.

A sudden chill runs down my spine, as if a cold breeze hit my skin or someone breathed right behind my back, twisting my neck I see noone. The front door remains closed, a big clock above it telling me it’s 8:45pm. Taking in my surrounding for the first time since I walked in 30 minutes ago I see the bar is almost deserted. To my left, a happy looking couple, too immersed in their own conversation, looking super cute together, sitting on the same side of the booth. To the right a drunkard nursing on his beer, eyes looking beyond anything, right into the astral plane. Also somewhere around the back is the bartender, a middle-age guy who looks like he’d rather be anywhere but here.

Sighing I look up and notice the amount of dirt in my glasses, I’ve lost count of how many times a day I had to wipe them today, I snatch a paper napkin from the metallic holder while removing them from my face and proceed to carefully rub the lenses. Once I finish I put them back on. Why can I just not wear glasses, what’s the meaning of having eyes if they’re not gonna work properly?

Ugh, the story of my life.

I shiver again and take it as a cue, in one semi-large chug I throw back the rest of my vodka, grimacing at the scolding sensation traveling down my esophagus and I know I’m gonna regret that in five minutes or less, my stomach’s not gonna let me forget about it. Immediately I fish onto my bag for my ever evanescent wallet. When I find it, I pull a big enough bill to cover for both my drinks and a very, very modest tip -sorry to the bartender but as student/trainee I don’t have much to spare-. And slide the sleeves of my jacket over my arms, followed by the strap of the crossbody bag before jumping off the barstool.

Apparently my eyes were closed or maybe I’ve fallen asleep while moving; I don’t know I’m tired, it’s been a long day, because I only notice the tall man standing right next to me when my face collides with the solid, yet tender wall of muscles that is his wide chest. I open my eyes.

“Oh shit! Sorry, I didn’t see you there. Almost like you appeared outta nowhe-” I can’t help it, I look up adjusting my glasses already fuming at the back of my head cause I will have to wipe them again and my words cut short, I swallow the rest of my apology down. At the end of broad shoulders and resting above a thick neck I find an extremely handsome face. Jawline for days, covered with sexy scruff. Plump lips -cocksure smirk- slightly crooked nose, deep, deep green/ hazel eyes that stare down at me and all of that served with a side of freckles dusted all over.

So hot, I hate him.

He just stares, smug smile and wrinkly eyes. He’s wearing more layers than a normal person needs tonight -it’s not that cold- and his hair is combed to the side.

“Leaving already?” obviously he ignores my apology.  

I blink the salacious thoughts away and focus on his piercing gaze “It’s late,” I explain plain and simple.

I attempt to sidestep him but apparently somewhere in the middle our four words conversation he laid an arm on the back of my old chair, successfully trapping me between himself and the unmovable counter.  I look back up and of course the mother fucker knows what he’s doing, a mischievous glimpse sparkles in his eyes.

I sigh, dramatically.

“Look I’m flattered. A tall, hot guy like you coming up to me. But hooking up is not why I’m in here tonight. So I dunno. Maybe we can exchange numbers, you know… get a raincheck. You can call me on the weekend? Tonight I have plenty to do, and unfortunately you’re not on the list.” I know he hasn’t say anything and I’m rambling a little. But certainly I don’t give a shit. Perhaps I did some time ago but at this point in my life, I don’t anymore.

He chuckles. A hand comes up and I still myself because I have no idea what’s so funny or what his intentions are. Thick and long fingers -I gulp at the sight- pass through his mane, pushing it all back and I think he looks even better that way than styled to the side.

“What?” I ask while trying to push his arm off the metallic bar at the back of the stool, realizing how solid it is, pure fucking muscle. My hand pulls at it but nothing happens.

“Dollface, I’m not here to flirt and sleep with you,” he states, “although I wouldn’t say no to you,” he adds giving me a once over and throwing a chin shrug to the mix.

When he stops talking my eyes shoot up, no longer entertained with the way my fingers look hooked around his forearm, or how the tips don’t touch each other as I wrap them around his wrist. With a coked eyebrow I demand to know what he means.

“I’m here to kill you,” he simply says, like it’s nothing.

I back away a little and snort at his joke. It’s gotta be a joke right… Who comes up to someone they don’t know at a bar and tell them they’re gonna kill them?

I let out a chuckle that I can’t hold in and he joins me. Our laughter increasing by the second and soon we engage in a full body laugh, belly shaking and I let my hand lay on his firm chest because I need to feel that firmness again. All of the sudden he stops laughing, I’m too busy to notice though, cackling away. Both my hands now on his chest, supporting my weight missing the way he leans in forcing me to bend backwards until my back hits the barstool.

My eyes flutter open and his face is right there, deadpan expression. “I’m serious,” he hisses, hot breath fanning my face.

“Okay,” I gush rolling my eyes.

His gaze drops, entrusting me to do the same and as I follow his line of sight down his chest and hairless stomach, up to the waistband of his jeans where he’s pulling the hem of his shirts up for me to see… and Oh. My. God! That belt’s kinda low around his hips and ugh they’re so narrow. Why are his hips so narrow? Is this how he wants to kill me?

Sign me up, please!

His hand let go of the fabric and it lowers down, my eyes widen because I think he’s gonna open his fly or something and flash me and I don’t know if I wanna see that … not here at least.  Except what I see is the handle of a knife, a blade that seems to be made out wood or bone or something… Eesh!

“Are those teeth?” I slap myself mentally, seriously though? The guy it’s showing me his lower abdomen and a knife, of curse the knife is actually what matters! I compel myself to stop looking, because as alluring that sight may be, he just told me he was here to kill me. Closing my eyes I lift my head to I can look at him in the eyes and-

“FUCK! Your eyes are totally black. Are you aware of that?”

He only nods.

“Okay it’s that because some medical condition or some like that and I’m being a total asshole for bringing it up. I’m so sorry!”

“I’m a demon,” he says with a malicious smile.

“Whaaaaaaat? No you’re not!”

He sighs, not even trying to conceal this exasperation,and with a blink his eyes go back to the normal deep green -yeah I’m gonna go with green- and he signals to the bartender, asking for a whiskey when the server gets closer.

“Hey!” I complain and he quickly changes his order from one to two. “Thanks! If you’re gonna kill me, at least buy me a drink first… like common courtesy,” I joke.

Breathing through his nose he pulls the barstool next to the one we were standing by and sits down. He’s so tall he only needs to move his ass to the side and he’s sitting. Me on the other hand, almost need crampons to climb into that thing like the first time, but I make it just in time to see the bartender deliver our drinks and some peanuts.

“I’m assuming you know everything about me, or at least enough… I mean, you’re sure I’m the one you wanna kill?” I say.

“I’m sure,” he answers before his lips latched to the glass.

“Oh-kay…you have a name?”

“Dean.”

“Dean, Really?”

“What the hell’s wrong with my name?”

“Nothing it’s just… Kinda lame ain’t it. I was hoping for a Moloch or Aemon or I don’t know… errr Abaddon?”

He gives me a killer look. “Dean’s fine though… Yeah, or perhaps you could also go with Deacon. Deacon has more of a demonic charm I think.” Dean makes a sound, kinda like a growl or something. “Okay, okay. Dean!”

“So what’s the deal, Dean. How’s this gonna happen? You gonna get me drunk and stab me with your big bone?”

He turns to face me, smirking, lines appearing in his forehead because of his questioning eyebrows. A horse laugh escapes me when I realize what I said, but I cut myself, this is not a funny situation.

“I mean, you come in here, pretend you wanna sleep with me and at the last second you drop this bomb on me and that’s it? When you gonna do it or why?” I move my bag from the middle and start removing my jacket.

“Shut up,” he commands. Breathing deeply he combs his hair with his hand again and looks at me sternly.

“Fine,” I complay and bite my lips into my mouth and turn to hang my jacket on the back of my seat, sitting forward in silence. He has the knife, so I should do as he says I guess. Taking a peanut from the bowl I play with it, rolling it around my fingers. Pulling that little tip of and chewing it with my front teeth.

I open my mouth to say something, closing it right away because I don’t even know what to say. I take the small rimmed glass in front of me and take a big gulp almost spitting it all out instantly. “God, I hate whiskey.” After that we both remain silent for I’m not sure how long until I can’t take it anymore and I jump off the stool.

He does the same and stands right in front of me. “I’m just gonna go to the restroom,” I tell him, lifting my right hand up as promise.

“How do I know you’re not gonna run on me?”

“If I do run, would you come after me, find me?” I allow my hand to lay on his arm, enjoying the way his muscles twist under my touch.

“I will,” Dean promises, roaring near my face.

“Then it’s useless for me to run. I’m gonna pee, if I don’t come out in… let’s say 4 minutes you can come looking for me.” With a couple of soft slaps on the side of his arm I walk past him and towards the restrooms, not even looking back to see if he’s watching me because I can totally feel the way his eyes pierced a hole in the back of my head.

Once in the restroom I sigh and closed the door behind me. Apparently I’m dying tonight… That’s happening. Shit!

Bending down to take a good looks in the stalls I check all of them are empty. I don’t like going to the bathroom with people sitting right next to me where they can hear everything I do. I pick the one on the far back and do what I have to do. I can see the stains all over my glasses again but chose not to wipe them to hurry it up a little just in case. When I get out I go to wash my hands and I hear the door sing open. The bar was empty so of course I assume Dean came to check on me.

“Hey it’s been like 2 minutes, you could have a little more trust in me. I told you I wasn’t gonna run,” I joke to my killer because that’s how I am and rinse the foam of my hands. “Besides, the moment I start running I will trip over my own feet and that’d be it for me,” I add while giggling but the second I lift my gaze from the jet of water I see someone else. A man, definitely not Dean standing right behind me at the sinks.

I turn around, my eyes scan his tall form, and head to toes black attire. He blinks and his eyes match his clothes.

“Fuck!” I try to go for the door, but he’s quicker than me -of course- and steps in my way, pulling my head and throwing me back. I stagger but surprisingly I keep my feet on the ground, his large hand lands on my throat and he’s pushing me to walk back, until my back hits the wall of the first stall.

My hands grip around his forearm, but no matter how much force I apply his grip won’t loosen, he’s a lot stronger than I am -not that that’s so hard to accomplish.

“I already have a demon here to kill me,” I force myself to speak through his hold, maybe he doesn’t know about Dean.

My eyes are starting to get lazy though and the blurry spots appear in my line of vision. The bathroom door whips open, crashing against the wall and closing again due to the forced and I’m able to see Dean walking towards us.

“A demon,” I scream, although I know it’s barely a whisper and I’m not really sure Dean can hear me, but I point to the demon with my finger, so he can catch my drift.

Dean retrieves the bone knife with teeth from his jeans and launches for this other demon, who ducks in time and he toss me aside, as if I were just a piece of paper. I land with my side of a trash can, wailing in pain.

The new demon, flashes from under his sleeve a long silver pointy knife, and it makes me wonder what’s with demons and funny shaped knives. It’s that like a trend?

They both stand right in front of each other, like facing a duel or something. “All you Abaddon groupies are the same, you know that?” Dean asks rhetorically.

Wow, Abaddon does exist it’s not just mythological!

“You can’t just can’t accept that the queen is dead, can you?” Dean continuous.

Oh, and it’s she and she’s dead. I sit up because I never in my life thought I see a demon, less of all two demons ready to duel… Will they count their steps?

“Maybe we just can’t accept that a douche like you was the one who killed her,” the other demon spits with anger.

It doesn’t truly surprise to know it was Dean who killed her. He does look like the guy who’d take down a  big bad legendary demon. “Ah. Yeah, that’s got to hurt, doesn’t it?”

That was too cocky, Dean should learn to be a little more humble.

The fight it’s quick, the other demon, swings to get Dean with his pointy knife but Dean is faster -ugh soooooo hot!- and blocks his move, spinning him around and jabbing his bone, teethy knife into his chest. I gasp, unintentionally when orange light shoots from the demon’s eyes and chest.

Then Dean let his body fall to the ground once he’s dead and blood start pooling around his body. I get up as fast as I can, I don’t want his blood to touch me. Dean looks at me, not even preneting he’d help me get up and nods towards me.

“I’m okay,” I raps clearing my voice. My throat feels swollen already.

He comes closer to me, his hand moving up and I freeze because he’s gonna kill me. He’s gonna do it and my last words were I’m okay, so lame. At last second his warm palm rests on my chest, fingers inspecting the bruises forming around my neck and I open my eyes.

“Let’s go somewhere you and me,” he says close to my face. I blink dumbfounded.

“What, you and me?” I swallow, the soreness of my throat still there. “Where?”

“I dunno, anywhere,” he shrugs, bending over to clean his knife of the dead demon clothes.

“You wanna kill me,” I refresh his memory in case he’s forgotten.

“I just save your life,” he defends.

“I guess you’re right, I’m still alive. But what are the chances of that becoming a thing?” I caress my own neck, whining in pain.

“Let me ask you this. If I really wanted to kill you, wouldn’t’ve done it by now?”

It’s my turn to shrug. “I guess.”

“Let’s go. You should get some ice on that neck before it gets worse,” Dean says, his hand on my lower back as he hold the bathroom door open for me and leads me towards the back door of the bar.

Everything: 

@nadiandreu7, @thegreatficmaster (no Sam/Jared), @mogaruke, @samisimportant, @ria132love, @donnaintx, @feelmyroarrrr, @just-another-busy-fangirl, @love-kittykat21, @emilyymichelle, @walkingkhaleesi, @imagining-supernatural, @kdfrqqg, @charliebradbury1104, @thedevilinthedetails, @docharleythegeekqueen, @artprincessbree, @mrswhozeewhatsis, @tardis-full-of-fallen-angels, @supernatural-girl97, @sam-inaflannel, @sammys-lost-shoe, @spn-dean-and-sam-winchester, @nanie5, @roxyspearing, @emoryhemsworth, @rambling-rabbit, @akshi8278, @meganwinchester1999, @geekgirl1213, @maui137, @creepykatftw @novakfandoms, @waywardasfudge, @kickasscas67, @spnwoman, @tattooedmomster13, @yoursmilemakesmeloveyou, @asgardianvamp21, @michell868,

@possesstheheart, @thatpeachybandgirl, @read-the-reid, @supernaturalmistress @jensen-gal, @its-my-perky-nipples, @esoltis280,

Dean/Jensen: 

@missmotherhen, @valerieshubin, @chennyetomlinson, @justanotherdeangirl, @jennell79, @ruprecht0420, @jalove-wecallhimdean, @evyiione, @laurafloradora, @fanfreak07, @superapplepie, @wingedcatninja, @sandlee44, @plaidstiel-wormstache, @lessons-of-red, @supernatural-fan-123, @mandilion76, @blackcherrywhiskey, @akshi8278, @papertrailsstrewnacrossthefloor, @shut-ur-face-and-get-in-the-car, @aly-winchester, @winchesterdemon67, @supernatural-strangerthings-1980

[360degreesasthecrowflies]

AndromedaWatch 01 - first reaction to the series

So, it’s been a brief break from my Farscape first watch/reaction series (which you can find entries in HERE or HERE), and during the off period, I’ve decided to do something a little different! By chance, I came across another late 90s-early 2000s sci-fi/space opera show I’d never seen before, Andromeda, so I decided to do a first watch reaction to it as well!

Without further ado, here’s my thoughts on Andromeda 1.01 ‘Under The Night’!

1.01 UNDER THE NIGHT

Spaceships! and a written brief intro. Semi conspicuous CG.

A crew! Lots of people. Red and blue uniforms. Antigravity harnesses. Andromeda is the ship and our lead is the captain, fun.

Everyone running about! But seems like it was a drill.

First leads appear to be two white dudes, one with the look of Buffy's Riley, the other Firefly's Mal. Longer haired dude is getting married. As this is the first episode this is probably going to be horribly wrong.

Also, the ship Andromeda has a female voice.

We are far future or maybe just alien; there's robots and lots of tech. We're leaping STRAIGHT into action too! Great opening.

Right, they're off to rescue a ship from a black hole after a distress call and we're less than 5 minutes in. Hyperspace jumping too, gotta get those tropes in.

Side characters we've seen so far include a black technician guy, feminine robot and a smallish green alien guy. Andromeda has hologram avatar too, an Asian woman.

Captain makes the call to try and save as many as possible, evacuation...but they're firing on them! Andromeda says that it must be a trap!

OPENING CREDITS time. There's a voiceover, and now an instrumental futuristicy theme with credits introducing our characters. There's the lead, male-bob-haired Captain Dylan Hunt, a blonde badass lady, dreadlocked black dude, a purple skinned Chiara-looking expy, and some others. Quite a big cast from the off.

Into the episode; now everyone actually IS running to battlestations, no drill this time. They're under assault right away, imperfect shields. They face 10k ships. Second in command guy suggests deploying extreme destructive bombs, but Captain refuses, aww, he's a good guy. (How long will that last?)

Second in command guy (Starscream?) notes that the attackers are his...race? ethnic group? nationality? so, as a precuation, recommends that he and all others aboard of that trait should be locked up just in case. Seems a little odd tbh.

Captain concurs and a bodyguard looking guy does it.

They aren't doing too well in the battle; outnumbered and can't maneuver. Also next to a black hole, they can't do their hyperspace jump again due to gravity pull.

Well, damnnn. 9 minutes in and the black guy dies. Eep. There was an explosion in Control, hull breach apparently. They're still pinned down for the next ten minutes too.

Captain orders that everyone abandons ship on escape pods. Ah, this will be the cast paring down, good, I hope they don't all die. The green alien elects to stay with the Captain in Control and may be female? Androgynous looking and shamefully I assumed it was not female.

Shot of everyone abandoning ship through some appropriately sci-fi +/ 90s style pods and passageways.

Well daaaang. We cut to Starscream and he kills the guards sent with him; a double-bluff! Ask to be locked up so he can get away from the captain and co, and just after offering his congratulations to the captain on his upcoming marriage too. Utter bastard. That's some Kill Bill shit.

He has a plan. Cutting between him and Control, where a female robot has stayed too. Captain decides to go INTO the black hole, fine, okay.

They're not strong enough to fight their way free, they need to use the black hole's gravity to slingshot themselves free... now, I'm not sure when this aired, but that sounds a LOT like the resolution of the first episode of Farscape. I hope this doesn't turn out to be a straight AU rerun.

Bug lady is the pilot. She does seem to ACTUALLY be an alien bug, and I quite like this. I hope she doesn't die. (She probably will, characters I like rarely last long, RIP PK lady lieutenant in Farscape). She speaks a bit of her langauge which Andromeda translates (her avatar's still here), good touch, saying that she's willing to sacrifice and risk herself for the ship's survival.

Oops Andromeda's frozen, avatar dropping out. Power freezing. Starscream is still doing things, Andromeda has noticed now but he blows out the camera. Andromeda is able to alert the captain to sabotage just as Starscream walks in and... yup, bug lady gets (quite graphically) killed, her chest front explodes out when she's shot (or blasted, didn't get a good look at the weapon). Eesh.

Captain spins around to engage. Starscream reveals his people are designed to be perfect. They all live within a Commonwealth, but Starscream's people want to take it over now. There's an issue with the Magog, who seem to be horrible people, who the Commonwealth have made peace with. Starscream's people want instead, revenge.

FIGHTSCENE. Starscream is a bit of a karate boy, this is more phyisical than I anticiapted, not just a shootout. Captain holds his own too though, flipping off a wall in slow-mo, which is revealed to actually be a time distortion, nice nod to the Matrix surely given the time this was made.

The two run back for their blasters and the Captain is hit first, but returns fire as he falls and may hit his opponent more critically.

He runs over to him, possibly saddened, and there's a 'what have you done' moment. Then they all freeze in time, Starscream possibly already dead on the ground, and we cut to the ship, already on course before its power was cut, dipping straight into the black hole.

Cut away. We open on blonde lady from the credits. We;re on another ship now, presumably. Blondie is a Captain too, Captain Valentine. Her coworkers are a wookie-faced dude and an expy of Wash from Firefly and Oz from Buffy in one character. They've found the Andromeda, but it seems a looong time has passed, years at least.

Seems we might have another Starscream situation here as Mr Wookie already is proud that HE - uh, THEY - have found the ship. Not a happy family, methinks.

More new characters! A scabby faced grumpy dude from the credits and purple lady, something bad might be about to happen to Wookie because I didn't see him in those credits and all these characters will be sticking around. Ms Purple has a tail too, because why not, it was the 90s, we didn't have weaboos yet.

So it seems these guys are salvagers - thieves, essentially. Already I can see this potential clash, immoral guys vs Mr straight and narrow. They were after this ship as a prize haul with big cash value and big rewards for them all.

The guy on Team Valentine is very much A Dude, we get it. He wants to spend his money on slave girls! Lovely. Neither Valentine nor Purple are impressed.

Valentine is apparently pretty strongly in debt, so that's what she'll use her share of the money for.

So, I'm slightly reminded of Alien, the original 1979 film now. These guys all work together, but don't seem to particularly LIKE each other and are just in it for the money. I actually quite like that, coming off watching a few shows where everyone ends up bonding unreasonably fast to an unbelievably close level.

Scabface wants to make amends with his share of the money. "Trying to buy absolution" as he puts it. He plans to build a hospital on a world he - or his forbears - killed many people.

Team Valentine are all technicians, nice, another nod to Alien.

So it reveals that Valentine, despite being the captain, was hired by Wookie. He's come along with them for this salvage mission. The Andromeda is stuck in time still, so Valentine will need to retrieve it without getting HER ship stuck in time too.

Valentine wishes to jettison their existing cargo before beginning the operation so the ship is more maneuvarable, but Wookie objects and has to run down to 'check' something in the cargo hold first; second Starscream confirmed. We don't get to see what he does but music cues are shifty af.

OooOoo seems his 'cargo' was people - some of original Starscream's kind of people, it seems, identifiable by their spiked arms, again, a nice visual cue to save them spelling out expository text the way many shows in early episodes find themselves having to do or resorting to. We get a shot of them emerging from fridge-like coffins (or coffin-like fridges, I guess) with THE MOST ominous music.

Right, operation go. Nice parallel right away to the other ship as Valentine intiates the operation with "okay everybody, just like we practiced", given the Andromeda's crew were practising too before the real thing. Valentine so far seems competent, no-nonsense and determined, with a wry sense of humour and strong sense of duty. I would expect nothing less from the female lead.

The irony as well that the Andromeda went to rescue and is now itself being 'rescued'.

So instead of going in, Valentine is very sensibly hooking it and reeling it in with grappling hooks.

Operation seems to be successful until three of the hooks seem to fail. Wookie immediately advocates cutting the cables and letting the Andromeda go, which Valentine laughs off and turns to Purple and Dude to see what solutions they might have.

Despite some of the cables failing, Valentine with Dude's help (focusing the engines into one blast of energy) is able to retrieve the ship and tow it away tractor-style.

Unfortunately, nothing lasts that long, one of the engines starts to fail off the bat. Dude seems to have it under control though.

RIGHT, cut back to the Andromeda. Andromeda's avatar is checking Captain Hunt too. Andromeda is immediately aware they MAY have experienced severe time dilations.

Annnd there it is. They've been frozen for 300 years. That'll be our main drama between Captain and our new characters, makes sense because I was feeling he and Valentine were actually quite similar despite the devil-angel dichotomy. Also... RIP Hunt's wedding, and I guess everyone he knew. That's gotta suck in the worst way. 10/10 for getting me to feel empathy for this guy in under 30 min, show.

Right, Valentine and co are all off to board the ship, leaving Wookie on board their own ship, presumably. Purple is the newest crewmember, it's revealed.

Donning space hazmat suits, they board. Dude appreciates the ship like an art form.

Cut back to Captain and Andromeda. The acting is good here and the music helps. They are in mid crisis given how much the world will have changed, maybe everything they were fighting for has gone. Andromeda detects Valentine and co, intruders!

Oops, it seems Wookie has boarded too, or are they back? (Ships look a little similar). He insists they have a deadline and need to work faster, while Dude maintains it will take weeks to get the ship going (presumably up to their future standards, too).

Valentine's crew split up (with comms) to search the ship for more clues about it and how it works. This will end well.

INTERESTING. So within Valentine's crew we have humans and the evil - in Hunt's time Magog, though, who can say which one of the aliens that is, Dude and Valentine are probably out. Andromeda has started to snoop on them through cameras and other concealed computers and comms and brings them up for Hunt to see.

So seems the Magog is Scabby. Andromeda also notes that Dude seems to be sick - with an easily-curable disease from their time. She wonders at the implications of that, a kind of reversal of progress perhaps? I should take the time to say that I do like Andromeda, despite her roboticy AI nature she has a charm to her and her competence and intelligence and calm are all positives to humanize such a character.

Hunt decides to engage the new team. He comes upon Dude first and calmly engages, quickly overpowering him without needing to fight, and addressing him measuredly.

Oops. So Dude doesn't seem to even be aware of the Commonwealth, three guesses says they lost then?

Nope, there's no High Guard, no Commonwealth, they lost, and not recently - 300 years ago! Possibly even straight after that battle, oooh we're going to have DIRECT angst then, that's an interesting direction and element to give your (presumably?) lead.

Additionally, having Andromeda here to talk to saves us having monologues, thought intrusions, or (the trope I disliked a lot in early Farscape) the lead, fish out of water, near-immediately latching on to someone he's just met and telling them everything about his feelings, using them as a sounding board and emotional support. Because honestly, who takes that from a stranger?

Andromeda and Hunt decide that they will search for remnants of the Commonwealth, even though its 300 years on. Back with Valentine, they are debating what to do. Purple advocates just asking Hunt to give them the ship. Valentine feels he owes them something anyway for pulling it out of the black hole. Scabby feels they don't deserve anything.

Hunt addresses them over comms; an ultimatum, he will not give it up to be looted, so they can leave, or he will bring force upon them. Valentine and co are still aboard Andromeda. They move to engage, then, Valentine doesn't like to be threatened, but Wookie intercedes. He's brought backup, and it's our dreadlocked Saracen warrior from the opening credits, along with a small army of extras, notably, none with the telltale arm spikes that we saw earlier, so what's his game? Was it a double-bluff? And that's where it ends, on a cliffhanger!

--

Well, I have to say, that was actually VERY good, by the standards of the time especially. Some obvious flaws due to tropes and what's become standardized over time passing in between this airing and me first seeing it, but in general, a very well written and acted pilot that established world, plot, tensions, potential tensions, character inter-relationships, and, impressively, seven main characters with an eighth just out of focus, a primary antagonist, and possible secondary antagonist, while also worldbuilding TWO timezones and political setups. Not too shabby for 42 minutes!

Other points; great character design and costumes - though I'm 75% sure there'll be a coincidentally justifiable reason why Purple has to be wearing a sports bra and hotpants and nothing else. Interesting spread of lead characters, two white guys, two women, a female AI, a black guy and a non-humanoid alien, just about what you'd expect from the time. The character archetypes are a nod to others in the genre and broadly into fantasy as well, and sketch out broad strokes for where I can see later characters being sourced from, e.g. the characters from the later Firefly and rebooted Battlestar Galaxica, even the Dr Who reboot which came several years after.

Valentine is, predictably (if you’ve been following my other review series), my favourite off the bat. Andromeda second, Hunt probably third - he's a very typical hero archetype, but convincing. The others come together in a bunch right now, Dude seems to be a Chaotic Neutral, Purple probably a Chaotic Good, and Scabby perhaps a Neutral Good, these are good balance for what may be a Lawful Good and Lawful Neutral lead - although Valentine shows potential to veer into True Neutral territory.

All in all, a great opener. I'll give it an 8/10, really starting strong.

What did you think of the show? Should I keep going? Let me know in comments or reblogs ;)