Since Starlight Express (my beloved) is getting a revival, it is very important to me as an American that it flops for being too weird. It has to be off putting to boring people. Apparently it is also going to be updated for modern audiences. This is everything I would do to make it so weird it flops in no particular order.
- Trains have Bluetooth connection instead of being coupled. CB kills with an EMP. This is Cool and Modernized.
- Skate insurance is too expensive, actors must run around as fast as they can
- One new character: a car that is suspiciously similar to Lightning McQueen.
- Alt: CB is reworked into a semi truck. He rides a skateboard.
- Nuclear fission powered Rusty
- The moving seats just vibrate
- Make the bizarre spirituality even more prominent. Raise more questions about how this world works. Answer none of them.
- make it clear that Rusty is literally train God/Jesus. Crucify him.
- unnecessary turntable in every song
- The internationals are reworked into something today’s youth can relate to: tiktok aesthetics
- Woke Greaseball x Tradwife Dinah
- Pearl is an influencer car for selfie taking
- Pearl has a new personality. She is the coach car version of Bad Cinderella.
- guest appearance from Skimbleshanks. An actor has to get into full Cats costume to make a one minute appearance
- roller derby segment. No more racing, just an all out slug fest. (this is not how derby actually works lol)
- maximize tiktok integration. Anything that can have a meme should definitely have a meme, regardless of if it works or not.
- make it about generational trauma somehow. do not explain where baby trains come from.
- Ashley is back! She vapes now.
GOOD IDEAS
- Bring back Volta’s whip
- make the freight cars jam skaters
Also this just occurred to me but do the actors get mouth guards? Because the one I use I can talk and presumably sing with no problem and these guys are going like 40mph??
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“ what do you miss most? about before? “ (from some 𝐙𝐎𝐌𝐁𝐈𝐄 𝐀𝐏𝐎𝐂𝐀𝐋𝐘𝐏𝐒𝐄 𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐌𝐏𝐓𝐒.) -@repair--truck
“I miss the races…” Electra sighed. “With the way things are now, races don’t happen anymore”
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All the electras have cool components and I have this.
Like. What the hell am I supposed to do with this. Race?? Destroying trains?
Hell nah man, I'll lost this race 😭
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