#elmike textual analysis

[gayofthefae]

"I should have explained myself because maybe then Eleven would have taken me with her, but - I don't know. I didn't know what to say."

That isn't what he said the first time.

"I should have said something. And maybe if I had said that thing, Eleven would want me there with her."

The sentiment of him being with her and knowing/ensuring she's safe is consistent. But he isn't actually repeating himself. There's no need for him to as a person and as a screenwriter, repetition should DEFINITELY be cut.

He's changing. He's brainstorming. He's starting to consider other angles of the "could have"s. The "what if"s.

He starts with "what if I'd just forced an 'I love you'". But I think he likely settles on what we can logically deduce for ourselves in that situation - "I made the right choice prioritizing with what I knew of the consequences at the time".So he changes. He changes.

He changes to "I should have explained myself".

"Explained myself" is NOT the same as "said that thing" and that is VITAL.

I should have just sucked it up and told her I loved her if it meant keeping her safe.

No, I did the best I could with the information I had

I should have told her the truth. Maybe she would have taken it better if I had just told her that I don't love her but it's my fault, not hers. Now she thinks it's hers and that I'm hiding it.

And, perfect timing, Will comes in with (in Mike's pov) "It makes sense why you didn't, though, don't beat yourself up. She was gonna get hurt either way and everything would have been a risk as to how much."

And Mike nods. And the next time we see him, he's saying

"Will she still even want me in her life if I can't give her the love she wants? All I can do now is to make sure she knows it isn't her fault, that's the selfless act I can do for her, but if I confess I don't love her, what other use am I to her? Will doing what's best for her by telling her it's not her fault, it's mine, instead of continuing to lie make me lose her?"

He says "explain". He starts with "maybe I should have changed the 'what'". Then he shifts to "maybe I should changed what she thought of the 'why'". Ironically, his question in the van once he's come to that conclusion is "how?".

The first pitch he makes is "maybe I should have told her I loved her" and Will says "don't worry, you'll have another chance", and he turns away and introspectively reacts with

aversion.

But then he says "maybe I should have just explained the real reason behind my actions instead of denying them all together" and Will says "that's a scary thing to do. It's a hard decision. You're doing your best", and he turns away and introspectively reacts with

understanding.

Honestly, being understood. And sometimes that's what you need to find understanding. He's been confused this whole time, that's been his whole thing, but he looks like he's starting to piece something together now - finally. Will put his own feelings into words for him to hear out loud so could finally get them and get them in a validated way.

Instinctively, he knew the first one was easier but wrong. He didn't want to lie to her. Both times Will said "if that's what you want to do, I believe in you", but only once did he agree. He knew it felt like the wrong choice the first time and you can see it. The second time was a new choice he was considering.

And you know what? While we're here. Telling her he loves her: aversion. Telling her the truth: understanding and drive. What happens next?

He expresses "what if when I tell her the truth, as I've decided is the right choice, she appreciates it but doesn't need me for anything else beyond that?" And Will says "she'll stay. You got this.", and he reacts with

Comfort.

He didn't know what to do. Then he did, but he was scared to do it. Then he wasn't so scared anymore.

He's thrilled to see her and forgets for a second but - much like El with Will on roller rink day - is reminded by seeing Will that now that she's actually here, it's real. He's committed to his actions and they're impending.

But he's not so scared anymore. Bravery, though, doesn't mean no nerves. He's hesitant and not happy looking when he talks to her about it first. He tries to lighten the mood - "the whole world went to shit and everything" - and he's watching her reactions like a hawk. It feels like less of a risk now enough that he can do it, but not so little that he isn't scared. Either way though, it's worth the risk for her to know the problem isn't her.

He didn't know what to do. Now he does. He was scared, but he's not as much anymore. Not too much to do it. They're interrupted. Okay, oh well, he'll find another time.

And now to break your heart:

Mike had an idea, Will said it was good, but Mike met that with aversion.

Mike had an idea, Will said it was good, Mike met that with understanding and agreement.

Mike was scared, Will said he had no reason to be, Mike met that with comfort.

(I'm sorry) Mike was scared for El - unrelated - and looked to Will for comfort - as he had every other time - when he tapped him on the shoulder, Will said he should tell her he loves her, and he reacts with

anguish.

This was not Mike's plan.

This was not their plan, so he thought.

Mike's reaction tells us everything about what he knew and what he meant for what's to come. This was not what he meant. That was not what he was going to say. This was not his plan.

And there's that part of you too that always wishes to go back to semi-ignorant bliss. Even if just panicked confusion. Because wasn't it nice: when telling her you loved her evoked this

And not this

Wasn't it nice when you knew...just a little less?

Wasn't it nice, in a way, when you couldn't see the happy ending so clearly?

Don't you sort of miss - when you couldn't taste it?

also fuck it for just for that list bit and the bridge of this song here's my illicit affairs edit linked because "you showed me colors you know I can't see with anyone else"

[gayofthefae]

This is also so strong with their characters' parallels I love when people understand things. In many ways, Will's return did a similar thing when he lost her at the end of that season.

THIS COMMENT!! OMGG I KNEW WE ONCE TALKED ABT THIS ON TUMBLR BEFORE BUT I FEEL LIKE PPL FORGET ABT IT?? This is so truee

[gayofthefae]

Will first slowly leaves the frame during Mike's speech when he says he isn't scared of El. Because this is what Mike wanted to tell her. "The problem wasn't you". That's the truth he needed her to know regardless of his fear. He then says that he's afraid of her leaving him. We know this to be true because he said it when she wasn't there. He tells her he doesn't know to live without her. Sweet, and no reason not to be true.

But once we get to the story. The "my life started" story. Will inches back onscreen...

Which is odd. It isn't even a change back. Because when he says that he loves her again, Will is once again gone. So it was just for this shot.

Then we return for "I love you on your good days, I love you on your bad days, I love you with your powers, I love you without your powers. I love you for exactly who you are."

But would you look at who's onscreen for the immediately following line "you're my superhero"

They put a one second shot between these to transition it. Not even a reaction shot from El. It's the shot of their hands. And this is only shot Will is in here. It goes straight back after this single sentence.

Will slowly leaves the shot for "I can't lose you" and stays out for the rest of his speech until the final "fight!"

This isn't so much a lie as it is a joint truth. This is not a romantic sentiment. It is showing the entire motivation of Will encouraging Mike in the first place - they are doing this together because they both want to save El in the same way. This is an agreed upon action with an agreed upon goal - one being stated here: "fight".

So what does this tell us about truths:

I love you. Do you hear me? I love you. I'm sorry I don't say it more. It's not because I'm scared of you. I'm not. I've never felt that way. But I am scared that one day, you'll realize you don't need me anymore. And I thought that if I said how I felt, it would somehow make that day hurt more. But the truth is, El, I don't know how to live without you. I feel like my life started that day we found you in the woods, and you were wearing that Benny's Burgers' t-shirt. And it was so big it almost swallowed you whole. And I knew, right then and there, in that moment that I loved you. And I've loved you every day since. I love you on your good days, I love you on your bad days. I love you with your powers, I love you without your powers. I love you for exactly who you are. You're my superhero. And I can't lose you. Do you hear me? I can't lose you. You can do anything. You can fly. You can move mountains. I believe that. But right now, you just have to fight. You have to fight. Fight. Fight!

Everything remaining is Mike's truth and only Mike's truth. He is sorry. He isn't scared of her. He's scared of losing her. He loves her regardless of her powers. He believes in her. He wants her to fight. That is the truth. That first "I love you" is different and he knows it. So even though he repeats the words, that time, it's a lie.

I also note the sentence "said how I felt". Because that's what makes it true. It would not be true if he said "if I told you I loved you". He said "if I said how I felt". And with that, let's put this in a true context. Let's use these truthful lines in the context he wanted to use them in. Let's set the scene:

The last few days, I've had to think about the last talk we had. You know, before the cops and the whole world went to shit and everything. I guess I just, I don't know, I guess I just wanted to say I'm sorry I don't say it more. It's not because I'm scared of you. I'm not. I've never felt that way. I just can't love you the way you want to be loved, but that doesn't mean that I don't. But I'm scared that one day, you'll realize you don't need me anymore. And I thought that if I said how I felt, it would somehow make that day hurt more. But the truth is, El, I don't know how to live without you. I do love you. Every day. I love you on your good days, I love you on your bad days. I love you with your powers, I love you without your powers. I love you for exactly who you are. And I can't lose you. I can't lose you.

I added one line. One line only that changes "won't need me anymore" from a reason to an elaboration. Everything else is the same. Everything else did not need to be changed to fit the other narrative.

As I said recently...something should have contradicted at some point. It didn't.

The consistency of which is truth and not is also supported by what's used when he's begging her to wake up.

Subtle but not total inclusion of Will, who also wants her to wake up, but with focus still on Mike for "come on, come on" (with even a cut back to him)

But when it cuts back to him on the 'I' statement "I know you're in there, Will has been addressed in reaction and is now out of the shot.

Mike and Will in the shot is about both of them, proven by the reaction shot of Will that follows; just Mike is only him, proven by the shift and timing with the "I" statement.

These are also, of course, different enough angles that the camera requires adjustment to capture, so it was important to them, as it also not enough difference to have been more than one camera.

[gayofthefae]

The only time Mike says "felt" about El is once when he is quoting a line ("never felt this way before" 3x07, directly before he quotes a different line and then repeatedly acknowledges it as a line) OOR when he says "I was scared that if I said how I felt, it would somehow make that day hurt more."

One of the small truths in his speech.

Because he means it. Whenever he refers to loving El romantically he says "think". "You know what I think of you".

But here, when repeating something he expressed when she wasn't present - so we know to be true - he says "felt".

Because he was scared that if he said how he felt it would make losing her hurt more. Because he would have been deeply vulnerable with her and for her only for her to confirm his worst fears that if he cannot provide her with what she wants, he is useless to her.

He was scared if he said how he felt - actually felt - she wouldn't need him anymore as a result of that.

"I am scared that one day you'll realize you don't need me anymore. And I thought that if I said how I felt it would somehow make that day hurt more."

He thought El would eventually leave him no matter what. That was just his self-worth talking in general. But it would hurt so much more deeply if he allowed her to know him first.

I am scared that one day you'll realize you don't need me anymore, regardless. But if I came out to you before that day, it would hurt more.

"I love you" is not a deep truth you trust somebody with that them leaving after makes a deep betrayal. It hurts, I'm not saying it doesn't, but his description makes it seem like he thinks heartbreak hurts less if you love someone but don't admit it. No. Heartbreak hearts less if you can tell yourself they wouldn't have left you if they'd known you. They only left the fake you.

If I said how I felt, it would make that day hurt more. "If I said how I felt." "I should have explained myself"...

[gayofthefae]

You know of course depression plays a part in it but people say with Mike his inability to say it was what was causing her to think that besides that but I'd like to remind us all of the saying "If he loved you, you'd know"

We need to come back to the fact that yes, Mike couldn't say that he was in love with El. But there are other ways to convey to someone that you're in love with them.

Actions speak louder than words and, really, it was never about lacking the words. It was about how lacking the words pointed out clearer than ever that the actions weren't there in the first place.

Having the words can shield the fact that he doesn't seem like he's in love with either. You assume that both are there. But if one goes away and there's nothing left...you can't really unlearn that. She knows that he loves her now. I wonder what she knows of him being in love with her.

Because she didn't confront him on the word itself until prompted. Their original fight was about his actions. "The way you looked at me," for example. It wasn't he was in love with her but just couldn't say the word.

It was that not being able to say the word meant that there were no bells and whistles to distract

from things like this

Because that argument looks different with no supporting evidence of him not loving her outside of the words. But the words are her supporting evidence. To her initial point: his actions. The words weren't even part of her original argument. She hadn't even felt the need to reach for them as proof.

That argument was not just based on his words. So how can the solution be? He was acting like he wasn't in love with her. She caught it. And at that point, probably started noticing he never said it. Because I doubt she started counting days from when he first said or even when she left if she assumed as she seemed to for a while that she did. It didn't seem like she's was counting every day for eight months. It seemed like she started to notice and checked her facts to find they were right. Something prompted that. Maybe a couple letters in a row were a little dry. Maybe she needed it more one day, then noticed that week after week it didn't come and checked back.

But her observation of him not saying it was prompted by his actions. It's why she didn't even bring up his words herself. Only when he argued her. They were her trump card, not her argument.

The fight was about Mike's actions. His words were just an example. He still hasn't solved his actions. Remember, by her account:

This was him not convincing her too.

He has not fixed this. He has stalled it. At best, he put it back to where it was before she noticed, not before it was true.

[gayofthefae]

Let's do a major contrast I've somehow overlooked. Let's talk WILL'S confession versus Mike's.

Mike and El both express self doubt as prompting for Will and Mike to tell them their feelings to make them love themselves.

But Mike tells Will he feels like El doesn't need him. In response, Will tells him that he lights up the people around him and is their guiding light. In conclusion: he is needed. He says this after "of course she'll need you, she'll always need you" fails.

On the other hand, El tells Mike that she feels like an unlovable monster and he responds that she isn't unlovable and isn't a monster. Essentially, the same direct response that failed for Will (so it's a good thing she already got to self love before he got there).

Mike said he felt unlovable and Will described the definition of love in great detail with him as the subject and concluded by pointing out that what he just described was love. El said she felt unlovable and Mike said that he did love her. He didn't include a personal story - No. He didn't. He included a length of time.

Read that again

Mike absolutely did not tell a story of loving El. He dated his love for. He said 'I have loved you since that one time you looked sweet in that big t shirt'. That was a memory identifier. Even shippers know the shirt isn't what MADE him fall in love with her, it was just endearing.

Mike never told El a story. He did not use a SINGLE EXAMPLE.

Will's speech breakdown was:

You bring light [my life]. You brighten [my] days when [I'm] feeling sad. Being without you is a burden for [me] but having you back is such a joy - so much so that the idea of losing you is terrifying and can make [me] impulsive and avoidant. All that has a name. It's love.

Mike's speech breakdown was:

I love you. You think that I don't but I do. I couldn't say it because I was scared but you're more important now. I do love you. I have for two years. Remember two years ago? I do. You're wonderful so please please don't die on me you're so important to me.

And when you see them next to each other like that. Mike's is just the bare bones of Will's...just without any deepening of it. He doesn't describe the emotions he experiences once. But he does go "your self doubt is wrong, compliment, personal story, I was scared, I love you", which is what he got from Will's. Whether he believes himself to be copying Will's words or copying El's, he's taking a speech he was as romantic and mimicking it.

We've seen the van scene a hundred times but Mike hasn't. Will said "you're the heart" and it gave him an idea. So he reapplied the details and quoted a long speech said to him 12 hours prior to the best of his ability of the top of his head.

Because people in real life don't remember monologues said to them like that. Mike probably remembers the most important phrases to him like "you're the heart" but besides that he remembers "you're wrong, personal story, compliment, I was scared, I love you - and when he said I felt really loved".

He's got an emotional memory and because of the recency a pretty clear memory of the speech's structure. He remembers the exact structure and he remembers that it worked, so he uses it. Will reminded him of a love confession that worked to cure self doubt so he uses it.

His confession isn't just plagiarism. It's his best regurgitation. But the only feeling behind it was the desperation for it to work, so it lacks everything it needs to because unlike Will, he doesn't know why he's saying each piece. He doesn't know the story is supposed to be an example of what loves feels like, he just knows there was a story and it worked on him so he thinks of a story and puts it in cliche romantic wording.

Mike's speech is Will's speech if you asked someone who didn't know the justification for any part of it to recite it back to you technically.

"Wrong, story, compliment, scared, love"

[gayofthefae]

"they do say it makes you crazy" was proof that "I've never felt this way with anyone before" was equally as much just him quoting sayings he's heard.

Mike canonically quotes romantic sayings from quote "old people" and we do not go into that canon fact and apply it enough.

The confessed to stealing a saying. And nobody questioned if the sentence directly prior was one too.

[gayofthefae]

"Max and Lucas and Dustin, they're great. They're great, it's just, it's Hawkins. It's not the same without you" is better than "But the truth is, El, I don't know how to live without you," actually.

The time I've spent without you hasn't been the same even with all the people who should make me feel better.

Being away from you is hard.

None of his entire speech has any subtext. Because it is a script. It is surface level lines he has heard used romantically.

Even marginally more specific, though not as cliche romantic and therefore obvious to the audience, is better. Is more romantic.

"The last year has been weird" IS EVEN MORE SPECIFIC THAN HE EVER GETS ABOUT HIS FEELINGS WITH EL. HOW. DO. YOU. FEEL, MICHAEL? HOW DO YOU FEEL!!!!

Weird? Like you lost her? Not the same without her?

Or did you just feel "in love"? Scared of losing her?

He also never describes what being without her is like. To Will, he tells him being without him was weird and not the same and generally not enough/less happy. With El, he told her that he didn't want to be without her. There was no why. There was no 'what it feels like when he is'. Just that he didn't want to be. (And he has lost her. He thought she was dead for a year! He hasn't seen her in a week! What was that like for you?!)

Akin to "being broken up...it's been hard." How so? No, please, elaborate. Prove just ONCE that you can.

[gayofthefae]

Mike has never described how he feels about El in the entire series - and this was somewhat acknowledged in season 4. He always took an out: his out in season 1 was kissing her. He got lucky in season 3 when she came back to him before he had to.

But in season 4, volume 2, we are lied to. We are told that he is telling her how he feels about her......So let's go through it, shall we?

So we have 4 categories:

Shorthand. He has established in 3x07 that he cannot define "I love you", so we know it is an out for him. In this category: "I love you" "And I knew right then and there, in that moment, that I loved you. And I've loved you every day since. I love you on your good days. I love you on your bad days. I love you with your powers, I love you without your powers. I love you for exactly who you are." "I feel like my life started that day we found you in the woods."

Statements. These can be emotionally delivered, but the words are simply facts or claims. Facts that would be true regardless of feeling or claims of how he feels with no elaboration on the experience of feeling that way. In this category: "But the truth is, El, I don't know how to live without you." "You were wearing that yellow Benny's Burgers T-shirt. And it was so big, it almost swallowed you whole." "And I can't lose you. Okay? Do you hear me? I can't lose you."

Compliments. These focus on her positive qualities, but positive qualities are more reflective of admiration than love. He shifts the focus from himself and what loving her feels like to the logical reasons 'one' should love her. In this category: "You're my superhero." "You can do anything. You can fly. You can move mountains. I believe that; I really do."

Apology/Explanation. He regrets not saying he loved her before because he regrets making her sad. He wants her to know the reasoning behind it is not that she is an unlovable monster or because she is without her powers. In this category: "I'm sorry I don't say it more. It's not because I'm scared of you. I'm not. I've never felt that way. Never." "But I am scared that one day you'll realize you don't need me anymore. And I thought if I said how I felt, it would somehow make that day hurt more."

Adjustments I would make:

Describe "how" he feels instead of just "when" or in which situations he feels it. Will uses a good example of this in saying that Mike gives him courage.

Elaborate on claims. A great way to do this is to use contrast. You're scared of losing her, well then what does being without her feel like? Your life started that day, what was your life like before you met her in contrast? Will does this by saying that without Mike, he feels like a mistake, but that that feeling goes away when he's with him.

Keep the focus on himself and his feelings. Logical reasoning keeps the focus logical instead of emotional. "She is amazing" that is a biased statement but it is still a statement. There is a difference between "you're a superhero" and "you make me feel safe". Will does this when he says that Mike leading the party is "inspiring". That is a feeling that Mike's leadership evokes, as opposed to simply calling him a leader.

These are helpful and heartfelt but they are not romantic. They are the closest we get to romantic emotional descriptions. Yet, they still aren't. Being scared of losing her is not even categorized by him as a definition of love, it is part of his apology. He is not explaining "how" he feels about her, he is explaining "why" he acted the way he did. Instead, a romantic modification would simply be to keep this but add a description of love in the other categories. Will includes an explanation as well in saying that pushing Mike away was just because he was scared of losing him. This works in his speech but not Mike's only because all other content of his speech is romantic. This is simply an explanation of behavior, not a description of emotion.

Will uses Mike's tactics only once in that van scene. "Of course she needs you, she'll always need you, Mike." A baseless claim before he adds story and proof to it. This claim does not work. The only tactic of Will's that Mike properly uses is the only one that failed on him.

Every confession he makes boils down to "I have every reason to love you. I should love you." But he sticks to logic in description every time without fail.

Women are "emotion, not logic". He does not feel romantic emotions for her. He feels romantic logic. That it makes sense for him to love her.

Mike states that he loves El. But Mike never describes himself as loving El. He only ever describes El as being lovable.

See here: Mike's speech is a beat for beat recitation of Will's but without the emotion

[gayofthefae]

"he says he needs me" being in the last episode he calls her before having a full episode plot just about missing Will and then spending the rest of the season prioritizing him and not even mentioning El in scenes for 5 episodes and the only reason he does then is because it's directly prompted by Max is craazy work

"He says he needs me" "353 days" but babe it's been like 357 at this point...

Not saying he doesn't miss her. But maybe he doesn't need her. And the timing of that line is certainly sus. "He says he needs me", and that's the last time he calls.

[gayofthefae]

The way he was and then regretted it and apologized 😭

food for thought....

[gayofthefae]

You know how I know Mike is queer?

These are the same person. Mike is an inherently caring, loving, and protective person. It's what Will called out in 4x08 and reminded us of with Mike's desire and practice in attempt to be a "hero" and be able to help the ones he loves.

But when El tells him she feels unloved by him, he doesn't comfort her. At all. He defends himself. He doesn't even say "yes I do". He says "I say it". Even when he's arguing that he loves her, he is defending himself, not comforting her. If he was comforting her he would have reacted to her crying at all. He doesn't. He just becomes increasingly desperate and escalates the tactics that are making her cry more.

Because the accusation is that important to him. Not many things could be so important to him that he would deprioritize her or taking care and protecting and comforting those he loves. He even does quite well at it at the start of the scene. We have PROOF that he is pretty stable these days with any sort of accusation or invalidation with how well he takes "you don't understand" and simply asks questions without any sort of offense. So he CAN take it. He takes it IN THIS CONVERSATION.

But when she says he doesn't love him, he stops the "they just don't know you". He stops the "don't say that about yourself, you're lovable," which is what this is really about for her. If he had said that even if he couldn't say it himself, it might have still helped a little bit: frame it as his own fault if he can't. But he couldn't do that. Instead, he went with how it reflected on HIM that he couldn't say it and defended himself AGAINST her. FOUGHT her on it.

There are few things that can make him fight a person. And they've all actually been pretty similar. They're all El:

"You're prioritizing El over Will"

"There is something off about your relationship with El"

"You're prioritizing El over [Will]"

"He's right that your and [El's] relationship wasn't a good one"

"Your and El's relationship wasn't a good one"

"You're prioritizing El over [Will]"

"You don't love [El]"

He is comforting. He is kind. He prioritizes others' comfort and safety consistently. He takes other accusations fairly lightly and focuses back onto the person making them and their emotions. And yet, what does he say in those instances and only those instances?

"SHUT. UP."

"You lying piece of shit. You're crazy!"

"It's not my fault you don't like girls!"

"He's just some crazy old man"

"You're conspiring against me!"

"We're friends! We're friends!"

"You're being ridiculous. What is this?"

People who say his character has gotten worse are stating it under the idea that he is always like this. The entire discovery so many people, including myself, had that he's queer was because we noticed that his outbursts were consistent. People think he's random and angry because they think the situations are random: Lucas, Hopper, Will, Max, El. But they're forgetting to note what each of those people questioned about him right before.

The biggest proof is that he doesn't ever talk like this outside of these situations. It's lighthearted debates and empathetic conversations.

Mike Wheeler is a kind person. If he said "You're being ridiculous. What is this?" it is not just because he's scared of vulnerability or commitment.

[gayofthefae]

Something about Mike's language with El and how it's always "I love you" and "I've never felt this way with anyone before", but with Will it's

"We'll go crazy together, right?" "We're a team" "

It really wouldn't mean anything if it weren't for the contrast. But it's there. And now I'm about all the "I" statements.

It just adds to that element of projection. The quoting. They're things he could say to anybody because even linguistically, they belong to him. But the things he says to Will belong to them. The thing he says to El can be removed and reapplied, they don't belong to her. But the things he says to Will are inseparable from that relationship and that moment.

To Mike, there's Mike and El. Mike. and. El. But with Will, it's Mike&Will. There is no separation, it's them, they're unit, a pair. They'll go through the world together, he plans on it, and he talks like it. Always "we".

Even further, with El he tells her how he feels. With Will, he ensures their future by confirming they're on the same page and planning for it. The final step with Will is "I have no idea what's gonna happen next but I think it'll be easier if we're a team" <- planning for the future. The final step with El is "I love you". We never even see her response onscreen. Just like season 3, dragged along by Lucas, he doesn't follow through. He doesn't know how. He isn't on his own inclined.

[gayofthefae]

Thinking again about "you're my superhero" and how powers use anger and sadness, not love, and how there were two words used with spite in that note, not one

"Dear Mike,

I have gone to become a superhero again.

From,

El"

She put "superhero" on the same plane as *"From"*. OH, She did not like that shit at all.

[gayofthefae]

I slipped, an accident

I said leave me alone

I can't say no, (s)he'll leave me

It's just a cough, doctors are wrong

three fucking times? sensing a pattern...

bullying in school based on appearance...

reminds me very much of mike and el's relationship entirely + their make out scenes. mike is afraid to tell her the truth that he does not love her in that way and is gay because he doesn't want to lose her.

referring to hiv/aids considering this show takes place during the aids crisis

[gayofthefae]

And what if Mike knew full well that he loved El he just also knew well enough not to say it. And that's what his reaction is. "Shit." Not "oh, shit." "Shit!"

Nobody was supposed to know because he knew how they'd take it. And he knew how they'd silently hold him to it. And he knew how she'd take it. Maybe a while down the line when they'd been just friends for a while, he could, but that wasn't here yet. Because he said it like common knowledge. Second nature. (As an audience, we didn't actually even know until this moment that they hadn't said it). It wasn't even the point of the sentence. "I love her and I CAN'T lose her again!" He was scared to lose her. That's all he was trying to say. We don't even see his reaction shot until after all the other's. He's reacting to their reactions.

So what if this

ISN'T him realizing something subconscious that's come to the surface. What if it's him panicking because he slipped up.

What if it isn't "woah, what did I just say?" but "oh god, what did I just do".

Look at him. He isn't panicking or thinking. He's examining reactions.