#engaging in interests always makes me half regret it bc of all the shit I have to hear abt because of fandom.

[electricfied-wolf]

it is saturday and I am but a simple highschooler and I am so so tired and it is literally 12:15pm and I want to just sit here and eat my banana pudding

[xiu21chen99]

hxh headcanon/imagine.

again... still about hisoillu but about their engagement instead of illu's influenced fashion choice.

also this is more of... idk it gave reason why they chose to marry instead of uh other ways i guess??

i've seen so many fanarts where illu would break the news to the zoldycks or how killu would react to having hisoka as his brother in law- like srsly it's meme worthy at this point- and lotsa ones that showed how hisoka proposed as a joke or smtg but... I've been overthinking abt it these past few days sO i present to you how i think "the big question aka the proposal" happened... (manga spoilers??)

it's after hisoka resurrected himself obviously, and def after he killed kortopi and shalnark (so he knew there was gonna be empty slots in the spiders' lineup)

i imagine illu went back to the zoldyck estate after the whole fiasco and only heard of hisoka's "death" from rumors while he was on a mission

and then when he was idk maybe contemplating on whether or not he should visit the body(?) to pay respects or something, he gets a text message from the devil himself

their text went like this probably:

hisoka: hey~ where are you right now?♠️ (and no u can't tell me hisoka doesn't text w card suits u just can't-)

illumi: who are you and how did you get the phone you are currently using?

hisoka: ooh~ illu~ i feel betrayed, did you delete my number?♣️

illumi: hisoka is dead

hisoka: *image attached*

illumi: oh

illumi: hello hisoka, how are you still alive?

hisoka: you sound disappointed~♦️

illumi: i kind of am...

hisoka: rude, just tell me where you are♥️

...and that's how they met up?? ngl i think illu has a know-it-all syndrome where he just has to,,, k n o w everything

he's curious so he agrees to the meetup ofc

he's also surprised when he sees hisoka is in good shape when they meet (idk at a bar in an unknown city?)

they drink whiskey on the rocks because... you know...

hisoka explains how he survived and his next plan of action (which is terminate the spiders)

illumi makes a mental note of nen after death bc he's heard and seen it all before but... not to this extent,

this is gonna be,,, bland but i think this is the logic behind why hisoka chose to get married/engaged instead of just paying up front (reference to the ten dons' commission to get chrollo killed and chrollo's commission to get the ten dons killed)--

anyways here's how their conversation goes:

i: "why did you want to talk in person?"

h: "oh y'know, for old times sake."

i: "...right"

hisoka laughs, "okay so maybe i want to ask you for a favor..?"

confused, illumi asks, "why could you not have just texted if you wanted me to kill someone for you?"

h: "no, no- wait, actually, you're not too far off."

i: ~mOrE cOnfUsiOn~ "huh?"

h: "how do contracts for assassination work in your... family business?"

i: "half the promised pay before, the remaining half afterwards. should the target be eliminated by a third party, the assigned zoldyck still gets the pay and should the employer die, then the contract is terminated and the zoldyck will report back immediately."

h: "and has anyone made a contract to have themselves terminated?"

i: "i beg your pardon?"

h: "what complications will arise should your employer's target be... themselves?"

i: "i believe... i have never encountered such circumstance before. the people who hire us are those who have enough money and resource to have their enemies killed quickly. no one's tried to test the zoldyck assassination prowess."

h: "so... how will that work?"

i: "are you implying this is the reason why you have contacted me today?"

h: "yes~ ♥️" (how he said a heart emoji out loud is up to you, reader)

i: "it will be a pointless paradox. logically, the zoldyck will only get the employment bill. and i, myself, do not find pleasure in going for the kill like you lest i get my reward, so you will not get a contract out of me, hisoka."

h: "is there no leeway?"

i: "a zoldyck stands up to their word. so no."

h: "even for a friend?~ ♦️"

i: "we are not friends, hisoka-"

hisoka raises his glass of whiskey along with his eyebrow.

i: "oh..."

h: "didn't you tell dear killua that a zoldyck didn't need friends?"

i: "you... are an associate, someone reliable in the killing world. it's different."

h: "hypocrite"

i: "i ask you for favors and you make me return them. it is not like we spend our time together leisurely like killu with that island boy..."

hisoka clinks their matching glasses of whiskey even though his is already empty, a shit-eating grin on his lips.

i: "you suggested we meet here."

h: "this isn't the first time we went out to drink, right illu?"

i: "regardless!! i will not kill you just for half the money. i do not like wasting efforts on fruitless missions."

h: "as i said, is there no exception, to make sure you get my money if you were to succeed in killing me?"

i: "are you doubting my skill, hisoka?"

h: "that's not the point right now~ ♠️"

i: "wait, why do you want me to get all of your money?"

h: "haven't we just gotten over this subject? because you're my friend, of course."

i: "i... we are not friends, hisoka."

hisoka claps, "that's it! illumi!! ♣️"

i: "eh?"

h: "marry me! that way in our prenup I'll make sure you get all of my money, and even without a prenup you'll still get it since you'll be my only relative! that solves it!"

i: "hisoka, are you sure death did not took a toll on your brain? you did say you used Bungee Gum only on your heart and lungs..."

h: "i'm being serious, illumi!! and doesn't this solve your earlier conflict? we don't have to be friends, we'll be husbands!"

i: "do not use that tactic with me, you manipulative bastard. stop joking."

h: "this is purely beneficial for you, honestly i don't get why you just won't accept it."

i: "then humor me this first, why now?"

h: "dear illu, i've been to literal hell and back. i think it's time to leave my mark in case i fail to escape death again."

i: "was it that bad?"

h: "you'll love it there, illu~ ♥️"

h: "on a more serious note, though, i do plan to marry you. out of everyone i've encountered, you're the most eligible candidate. you're powerful, fully capable and extremely pretty to boot! you're the ideal husband!"

(blushing obviously, illumi downs the remaining whiskey in his glass) i: "death has changed you, hisoka."

h: "so?"

i: "fine."

h: "excellent!"

and in one fell swoop, illumi has a pin against the curve of hisoka's jugular, wrist held tightly by hisoka- a card matching against his own neck.

"not yet, dear husband." hisoka whispered into his ear, "we have to manage the papers first. and i've a request before you do."

they let each other go at the same time, not even breathing an unnecessary breath in the other's personal space (well, they're nearly pressed thigh to thigh anyways, what's the point of personal space anymore-)

"a condition rather than a request, really."

"what?" hisoka orders them refills, and downs his when it arrives.

"join the ryodan first."

glass already pressed on thin lips, illumi's confused hum resonates softly into the concave utensil. "why?"

"so things can get more interesting. i assume you know of the dark continent expedition that's soon to take place?"

"father has advised i take part on it, since kalluto told me the ryodan plans to rob some cliches who'll join the expedition- to look after him. you want me to join them?"

"yes, and i plan to board as well, don't fret."

illumi's eyes turn to slits, "how should i know you would be there? i can't take your word when you might just disappear when we've all boarded."

hisoka grins, wide then wider, "you should know by now illu, i plan to avenge my wounded pride. that damned chrollo didn't even fight me properly."

tilting his head, illumi stared at the man beside him, "is that not contradictory? i thought you did not mind your opponent using whatever means necessary to win?"

"magicians use tricks and misdirection to awe the audience," hisoka says almost thoughtlessly, "chrollo's a narcissistic hypnotist who used the audience as a damned shield because he knew he couldn't handle me face-to-face."

he groans, tinged in regret. "i shouldn't have picked heaven's arena, if i'd chosen a more discreet location then maybe the damage won't be this bad."

"damage?" illumi rests his chin on his palm, facing his husband.

hisoka swipes a hand over his face, and the glamour comes off. the picture he sent illumi now present in front of him. he was missing a nose, his left hand didn't have any finger left and dried blood chipped on his white skin. "oh."

with another swipe, everything's made correct again. hisoka was grinning again. he downs the remaining alcohol and leaves jenny bills under the emptied glass.

"come, lovely husband. we're to elope and legalize our union!"

illumi follows suit after downing his own glass, "i think there might be another loop hole, if you were to join the family. zoldycks do not kill family."

"so if i were to wed you, here and now, you'd think me more of a family than alluka?"

"alluka is not family."

"are those your words, illumi? or silva's?"

"i..."

"wow, you're really just as fucked up as i am."

"where do you plan to take me? i've just said i cannot kill family."

hisoka chuckles, "then you're the one to take my name, of course."

"preposterous!"

"who the hell still uses that word?"

"i am and will always be a zoldyck-"

"exactly. it's just legal papers, if you kill me then you'll just be a widow and even get your name back! see how everything'll work out in the end?"

"hisoka-"

"are you doubting your skill of assassination, my dearest husband?"

"... i better get the most expensive ring in this damned city."

"that's the spirit! now let's go get married!"

"wait, hisoka. what is your last name?"

later that night, when they leave a chapel, something gold glimmers on hisoka's bungee gum/texture surprise ring finger. a matching one around illumi's finger.

unlike hisoka, though, illumi had an extra red glimmer right under that gold, in the dead center of a silver band of intricately designed pattern. hisoka had foregone the traditional diamond in favor of a 16 carat ruby engagement ring, such a curious choice but illumi accepted it all the same...

(much later on, hisoka took both rings as collateral and reminded illumi that he would get them back even if he died bc it was in their damn prenup- and bc it was technically bought under illumis name and that's how hisoka assured illu that he'd be on that black whale,,, bc he had the rings and planned to give them back to him there)

"I thought a red gemstone was better suited for the rather bloody and murderous ending that our relationship will inevitably come to, wouldn't you agree?"

-Hisoka Morow whenever someone mentions his preference of proposal ring...

"I disagree with most of his ideals, our relationship has always had a fragile foundation, and I knew from the start that we'd eventually end up killing each other."

-Illumi Morow, nee Zoldyck when asked about his thoughts on his husband...

[bisquett]

please tell us your kinky experiences, I want to know what to (realistically) expect

I dont have a lot of experience HAHAH it was just my ex and my fb ugh now I hate that word, I mean, the guy friend I used to have sex with a lot.

My ex was VERY open about it. It all started with me making some risky comments and seeing his reaction, he would smile and engage with either a shy, snarky or excited reply, sometimes he was shocked and a little flustered, even tho he tried to hide it but in a positive way. You can always test the waters before because it can get a bit awkward if they’re not interested in anything kinky. Like I said, we only tried bondage, choking, slapping, edging and deep throating hehe

My friend, we hooked up for almost a year and a half, things got messy at the end but while we were at our prime, umm we also did a lot. I was so scared of bringing the topic up bc it’s different, he wasn’t my boyfriend, and even tho we would see each other a lot, idk it was not the same. I regret it tho, bc he was down to try a lot when I did bring the topic up. It was kinda the same, light to mild bondage, choking -he enjoyed breath play more than choking which was a huge chage ya know, swimmers are crazy-, a bit of impact play, orgasm control and denial, edging, OH and he was really into post orgasm stimulation, which was kinda a limit for my last partner, ooof that’s glorious to watch and to hear.

I havent pegged yet tho, it sounds hot in theory but so far my parters have let me do only a few things w their butts lmao

In what you can expect, honestly, a ton of research. Communication. And to be prepared to feel like an asshole sometimes hehe, that sub and dom drop are no joke. Also, you have to be kinda in shape? in the sense that...if something happens you gotta be able to idk lift them up kinda or, idk my experiences never escalated to that point but honestly you can never be too careful, is better to be safe than sorry.idk also it often involves you being on top, it’s fucking exhausting. ALSO, know what you’re putting them through, often I would test something on myself to know how it felt before I ever used it on them, like wax for example

but yeah reality is not what ppl romantize of course, I had to be super careful and I wasn’t even doing the crazy shit some of my friends would tell me their bfs did to them

Honestly, I think ppl who are naturally submissive have more experience bc usually guys are more prone to be all dominant and shit.

either way, just be careful and do your research hehe

[stormofblue-blog]

submit | storm of blue press

We want every unsent text you wish you were brave enough to send. Consider this an open phone plan.

Below is a snippet from our editor-in-chief; it includes a list of things we're always interested in reading more about, primarily feelings and ideas that excite & break us like waves against the shore.

GIRLS, electric loss, pink + blue + neon colors, unsent text messages + sent ones that blink back as read, vodka, dancing in the street at night, sloppy mouths, the day after, regret, plastic flamingo lights, 4:17 am, ruined cuticles, murmuring both ends of a conversation because I find myself talking to you through every orgasm, bathroom sinks, whole foods green hair, rewriting texts 6 different times bc I can’t bear to mess this up, pink drinks, glow in the dark stars, taking hours to fall asleep because it’s so easy to picture you sprawled out against this warm body, crying over “Someone Great” on Netflix, blaming everything on astrology, or timing, or me over you, sunsets, drinking just for an excuse to spill my guts, when a heart breaks does it echo, Boston accents, smiling into a kiss, New York, the state almost touching it just as much as I’m never touching you, empty spaces that make me choke, bright, half hideous stuffed animals won from claw machines, that moment when someone smiles + they put their hand over the camera lens, wishing I could make out with my phone and somehow transfer it like a Venmo, throwing dumb shit across my room to feel in control, eating Cheetos and nothing else all day, more alcohol, not remembering anything about that dream except knowing you were in it, pining, standing in the pool for hours and not moving, music videos in my head spilling out onto pavement, colored smoke, hazy boundaries, lines that slip like Crayola chalk in the rain, touching myself and wishing it was you instead, screaming sounds instead of words bc what do I even say, begging for a release bc this body can’t hold it all in, every single “I love you” + “I’m sorry” + “do you think we will ever be able to work” + all the in-betweens, a compilation of snapchat messages + insta DMs + texts + Spotify songs played right when you log on just in case you’re still watching me + the day we first met, digitalized 4ever, heartbeats sent through iMessage, voice memos recorded at 3 am & never sent to you but sometimes played back to myself years later to remind these fangs that there was a time I still fucking cared about something [anything], fisticuffs, friends to enemies to lovers to emotional tag as an Olympic sport, concentrated want like orange juice but it hurts more when I swallow, unobtainable vulnerability, balloons after a party when they fall really slowly and it’s like watching you leave all over again but in slow motion [funny bc you’re always running], birthday cake, 6 years of cards, candles which remind me of fire, remind me of your hands, remind me of that Buffy episode where she & Spike fuck & the whole goddamn house falls to the ground, absence, missing flights, missing chances, + missing you

Multimedia, nontraditional, and experimental collections are encouraged but not required.

Storm of Blue Press is by & for lgbtq women & nonbinary people. In your cover letter, please highlight the connection you personally have with the lgbtq community and with being a woman or nonbinary. We discourage third person bios with a string of publications and no personal connection. At Blue, it doesn't matter where you've been previously published (although it's really cool to meet those familiar with our friends of course). Bios can instead be built around unique aspects of your presence, and even include non-writing related attributes. Who do you fight for? What makes you angry, mad, or passionate? Who do you love and why? What's the saddest thing that's ever happened to you? Favorite food, dogs or cats, tiny, microscopic details you don't think anyone cares about... [spoiler alert: we care a lot]. Choose some of the above prompts or create your own, but please remain original, authentic, and unapologetically yourself.

We accept simultaneous submissions, but please notify us immediately if your work finds home elsewhere.

There is currently no reading fee for Blue Literary Magazine. Because of this, we currently don't have the funds to pay online contributors. If given permission to showcase your work on our online store via merch, you will receive 50% of all net proceeds. If Blue accumulates the resources to print monthly issues of our literary magazine, our contributor compensation policy will change.

Storm of Blue Press requires a $15 reading fee for zines and micro chapbooks (25 pages and less), a $20 reading fee for chapbooks (50 pages and less) and a $25 reading fee for full length poetry collections. We are not currently accepting young adult manuscripts unless they are lgbtq centered and absolutely amazing ($25 reading fee as well because we value both your time and ours).

We waive our reading fees for ALL lgbtq women & nonbinary people who ask, to help bridge the elitist divide in creative spaces. If you need a fee waived, email stormofblue.lit@gmail.com

Blue Literary Magazine and Storm of Blue Press are by & for lgbtq women & nonbinary people. All male submissions will be automatically declined.

As an author, you are considered a collaborator not only regarding royalties, but also in relation to artistic liberty. If accepted, our team will edit, guide, and format your manuscript while respectfully considering your vision. Because our team values your partnership, we share 50% of all manuscript profits with our creators and will pay to commission your book cover. Blue is composed of poets, writers, and artists with strong social media presence and dedicated readers/viewers. If accepted, said team will foster and promote your work via social media, help generate engagement, and potentially arrange for public readings. Blue remains a small, independent publisher, so we are able to give personalized attention to all of our authors, while guiding them through the literary world.

Homophobia, racism, sexism, ableism, xenophobia, slut shaming, fat shaming, romanticism of mental illness, etc. is NEVER tolerated and will automatically earn you an indefinite block via Blue. This includes anything posted on your social media accounts or shown in other aspects of your life, because Blue does not believe in the separation of art and its creators.

[thoughtsoahr]

01/07/18

Pros? He kissed me.

Cons? He kissed me..?

Pros: very very caring, niceeee back, cooks!, interested in art, very smart holy shit, adventurous

Cons: quiet, says the n word (angerey), seems like needs time to get comfortable to, diff music taste,

I dont really know lol

After reading several forums and quora site on “my friend kissed me while he was drunk” “both drunk and he kissed me” “what does a drunk kiss mean?” my conclusion is still get this… INCONCLUSIVE :DDDD

Half of me wants to believe that he might actually be into me

    Context: I had a huge huge crippling i-cant-even-study crush on him (friend for a good half a year+ at this point)  for about a month prior to this engagement. I remember showing up to the house one time and i could not make eye contact with him because i would get nervous like who the fuck am i. I dont even know how this crush came about? I literally never thought.. Im kind of angry at myself that this happened it complicates so many things- now this is assuming he was concious of his decision to kiss me and didnt black out before this happened. Also we were both in his room alond when this happened for context? Brought me up to his room and closed the door, i didnt think anything of it bc i thought we were just gonna do some whippits but he pulled me closer kept asking me “wheres your boy?” “do you have a boy?” i would pull away because idk if i was confused nervous suprised all three? (mind you ive nevr gotten this close to a guy before let along kissed one so yes this was my first kiss) kept telling me to come back to his side, yes hefeltmeupundertheshirt and im pretty sure if my memory is correct started kissing me like small pecks on my cheek and i think it migrated to my lips and im pretty sure maybe like 60% sure i kissed him back on the lips but that is when i was like holy shit this is weird this is my friend! (thatihaveacrushonbutyaknow) also might have been because it was my first time having this kind of interaction with a boy of any sort so i was just a ball of emotions and horomones and just plain i dont know what to make of this so i pulled away and essentially cockblocked him by calling up my friends to come up hahahhahah ooops. The thing is im not entirely sure i like him like that. Sure i had a disgustingly strong crush on him for a good month before this happened but i feel like the events o fthis night really complicated my emotions and made me think “is this what i really want?” because crushes are one thing but relationships hooooooooh boy i have literall NO experience in this area. Crushes are fine, im really used to them and usually when i get a good one like this one was i bask in the gooey feeling for how long it lasts pining over the person (never acting on it) but i eventually just let it die out on its own because i know realistically i am probably leagues below the person im crushing on and nothing will ever happen. Also probably because im scared and nervous. I def have some self-confidence issues but thats another story :,) I always figure that if i dont shoot a shot and if i just admire from afar, no one gets hurt, no feelings come up, no one knows, nothing gets complicated. Anyways, that was the plan for this one. hOWEVER, this night we decided to do a power hour of soju (to celebrate the end of finals) so we were both pretty far gone at the point when he kissed me SO OBVIOUSLY somethin is gettin complicated up in here. After these events hes been messaging me and snapchatting me significantly more frequent than before and asks me what im up to and what my plans are for break and stuff like that which is… nice? (given i did message him the initial message after the said event happened bc i was asking a favor) I guess ive never had someone ask me things like that before and checked up on how im doing so it feels kinda foreign but nice...

The other half of me believes everything is too good to be true

    Context: p much same as before? What are the odds i have a giant crush on someone and that crush ends up kissing me without me even mentioning im into him on his own accord? Again, given we were both intoxicated but still. No one has ever had a crush on me or done anything to act on it so my expectations and experiences are very very low to say the least. Lookit me im 20 yrs old and still hadnt had a first kiss( unless you count this one of course hahah)

I dont know if he kissed me drunk because he was just horny asf and being a typical fuckboi college boi and i was the closest person to him at the moment or if he was too shy to make any moves while sober so he used alcohol as a means to get closer. Because we were supposed to get blacked out drunk together on a separate occasion but it didnt happen bc i fell asleep beofre it happened haha some people on these forums say that drunk kisses mean nothing because both parties are drunk and it makes sense since when youre drunk you do things you wouldnt normally do sober, your inhibitions are lowered and you do shit you sometimes regret… but also for that same reason maybe he meant to kiss me he just needed to be drunk to make the first move.

The thing that bothers me the most is that he hasnt acknowledged the event, leading me to believe he either doesnt remember it at all (meaning the kiss meant nothing) or hes just too shy and has little dick energy to confront me about it. In any case, im planning on confronting him about it in the next two weeks.

I do get excited and somewhat happy when he texts me/ messages me though.

To not get my hopes up im just going to keep messaging him like hes a frind. Expectations low my friends, thats how to avoid disappointment. It is nice ot have a crush on someone. It kinda gives you something to look forward to or daydream about and it makes me feel warm inside and loved even though he probably doesnt fee l the same way or is oblivious to it all haha. Anyways ive been wanting to write this for a while so here it is.