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clockwork-wonderland404 · 1 year

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Lights are memories, memories are home

Consider reading this on my ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/49016803

Ship: Hibiki Wataru/Mashiro Tomoya

Word Count: 2,971

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"One, two, one, two~ Spin~" Clapping his hands, Wataru appeared next to Tomoya, taking him by the waist and spinning him one more time. "See? Like this~"

"You- I spun the exact same way, you just wanted to touch me!" Tomoya complained and pushed himself away, stumbling from the force before quickly gathering his balance back.

"Oh, but I can't help it! You are so beautiful!" Wataru spun around himself this time, then let out a deep sigh. "Simply, I just wish to make it perfect!"

"I know what I'm doing!" Tomoya appeared more agitated than usual, tugging at the hem of his dress as if wanting to get it off right this second. "I can practice on my own! It's not even time for rehearsals yet, you just appeared out of nowhere to watch me like a creep."

"Oh? Is that so? Can't I be concerned with my adorable circle members even while 'off-duty'?"

"I don't need your concern or your help or-" Tomoya stopped himself before finishing that sentence, but did stomp his feet. "The... The point is! Let me practice alone! You're not even in this play!.. I know you're the director and all, but.."

Once again, as Tomoya kept on talking, he riled himself up. "Just don't touch me, don't look at me! I don't need your advice right now, let me be!"

"In fact, you know, maybe this play will be better without-..."

What was he saying..? Was there really so much pent-up frustration inside him that he took it out like that..? Usually, he could tolerate his odd senpai's antics.

He desperately racked his brain, for a way to finish this sentence in a different way, but his brain bluescreened the moment he saw a flash of what could be best described as a glisten in Wataru's eye. Not a sparkle, no, it remained as dull as it usually was. Tears? No, it couldn't be.

Tomoya shook his head, he must've been hallucinating it, it only lasted a second after all, it may have been a trick of the light.

Because surely, it couldn't be...

Wataru was still smiling and his voice didn't waver as he spoke. "Now now, Tomoya-kun, you could've just asked me nicely, hm? I, for one, know exactly how capable you are! Which is why I cast you for the main role! The most adorable, yet resilient little Alice~"

He turned around, now with his back towards Tomoya, he waved goodbye. "I'll leave you to it~" For a moment, his voice softened, lost some of that cheerful magic. "I am so proud of you, Tomoya-kun. You've grown. But don't shoulder everything alone, hm?"

Before Tomoya could so much as blink, Wataru was already out of sight. Though the smile never left his face, the atmosphere he left behind felt heavy on Tomoya's chest, he had to let out a sharp exhale to confirm he could still breathe. No, it wasn't his lungs that ached.

Why..?

Tomoya placed a hand over his chest, clutching it as his own eyes began to glisten with tears. It was nothing out of the ordinary, even tame antics considering Wataru, and yet... Why did he react so harshly? Neither of them deserved it. Maybe that was the cause of his ache.

Or at least part of it.

His mind kept repeating that sight. The brief glisten of Wataru's eyes. Even if that was merely a product of his imagination, the sorrow was still clear behind Wataru's smile. Of course. He had feelings too.

Though he felt otherworldly at times. Far out of reach for someone as ordinary as him... He was still human. And humans are easy to wound by mere words. Pathetic, maybe.

But here Tomoya was, tears streaming down his cheeks as a million thoughts ran through his mind, the most prevalent being his regret. He had to apologize, find him, and tell him face-to-face how he really feels.

Ah, that was another can of worms Tomoya had no willpower to explore. How he truly felt about that tragic jester he called a friend.

Before he could apologize properly, he had to calm down. If he ends up going there in tears, then surely he'd be the one being comforted again and that's not what he wanted at all. Not right now.

And so he waited. Waited until his breathing regulated, until his eyes dried up. Only then did he rush off to find his senpai.

Well, he didn't have to go far. He heard noises from behind the stage, peeking his head in. Was it him? Or just someone else working on their costume? He didn't know which one he hoped for more. He wasn't ready to face him. Though he formulated his speech a hundred times over in his head, he knew for a fact he'll stumble right over his words.

Following the noises, internally trying to manifest someone else, like Hokuto. Yes, please be Hokuto in there.

However, as he opened the door of the costume room, he immediately recognized that shade of blue. Wataru had his back towards the door, sitting at one of the tables. He seemed busy with something. Tomoya tried to peek inside more, to see what he was working on, without being noticed, but...

"Fufu~ I'm just polishing my masks, you are free to come right in~" A moment of pause. "Tomoya-kun."

Sharp as ever. He'll never know what he recognized him from... Was it the sound of his footsteps? His breathing? Whatever it was, his cover was blown, so he might as well step up and form his thoughts into words.

But as he opened his mouth to do so, Wataru cut him off by standing and starting to speak. "Which do you like better? Don't worry, I'm not planning to replace my trusty mask~ I'd just like your opinion." He held up two of them, one just like his regular one, while the other was slightly cracked, with a teardrop underneath the eye. "Don't mind the cracks~ I've been fixing this one up."

"Um.." Tomoya stepped closer, his gaze intently watching Wataru's every move, fixated on his face, mostly.

"This one?~ Or this one?~" He moved each mask in front of his face, showing them off to make it easier to choose.

God knows what sort of bravery possessed Tomoya at that moment, but he stood on his tiptoes, a hand reaching out to push the masks away before tracing Wataru's face with his fingertips. "I like this, I think.."

Wataru's entire body froze for just a second, while the touch lasted, slowly regaining his composure. "Smart~ But that wasn't one of the choices."

"I insist." Tomoya locked eyes with him and his other hand came up to take the broken mask from Wataru's hand. "You should… Maybe it's easier to fix when you're not wearing it, don't you think?" After putting it on the nearby table, he fixated his gaze on Wataru again. "And... There's nothing to hide now, right?"

"I'm merely testing if it's durable after fixing it~ It would be such a shame to let it go. It is one beautiful mask."

"But you didn't give it time to rest yet. How do you want it to be durable like that?"

"What shall one do while the mask is resting, is the question! Because the performance never stops, the stage doesn't wait!"

"Can't it stop? For a little bit?"

Wataru looked down, taking in a breath to respond, but exhaling right after without a sound.

"Hibiki-senpai… Let's… Let's let it rest a bit, okay? And…" Hesitantly, he reached out to take his hand into his own, just then could he feel that it was shaking. "Hi... Hibiki-senpai?"

"You are too smart for your own good, Tomoya-kun. None would care to know the actor behind the mask. People fall in love with the characters we play, most don't even know our names."

"But I do. I know your name! Hibiki Wataru-senpai. Because I'm an actor too."

"A very talented one indeed~ Your strengths lie in your emotions. Allow them to surface."

"I am... I'm letting them.." Squeezing Wataru's hand, he looked up at him once more, determined. "But what's the point if I'm the only one doing so?"

"I believe you already know my feelings. Though my mask has been perfected over time, the cracks are difficult to hide from a watchful eye, such as yours, isn’t that right?”

“But I want to hear it from you! I want you to say it!”

Wataru let out a chuckle, bitter as he reached out a hand. He didn’t take Tomoya’s, he wished for him to give his hand at his own accord.

“Tomoya-kun, do you trust me?”

Still possessed by his newfound bravery, he placed his hand on top of Wataru’s without hesitation and gave a firm nod. “Hibiki-senpai… Show me your heart!”

“But you may not like what you end up seeing inside. Would you still wish for that glimpse if you knew that?”

Tomoya’s heart was racing, but despite his nerves, he could honestly, without an ounce of doubt, say. “Whatever is in your heart, I’m sure I’m ready for it.”

“Be careful with such bravery. Getting too close to the fire may burn you and the darkness’s goal is to consume you.”

Before Tomoya could make an audible response, his eyes were suddenly covered by Wataru’s free hand. “Hibiki-senpai?” He tried to hide how his voice trembled, nervous about what was to come.

“What darkness? What you think of as darkness might be the light for someone else! Everyone has something dark inside, it doesn’t make us bad people. Stop acting like you’re some Phantom of the Opera, being so ugly behind that mask! I… I’m sure you’re... Whatever you… You’re beautiful..” Tomoya’s voice trailed off at the end into a mumble, he’s never directly complimented Wataru like that before. Well, once, but he did regret that time.

“Fufu~ You are… Hm…” Wataru, for once, seemed to be at a loss for words. He simply squeezed Tomoya’s hand. “Alright then. Please don’t let go of my hand now, hm?”

Wataru leaned in, his forehead resting against his hand, indirectly against Tomoya’s, whispering. “One, two... Amazing,”

Then silence. For a brief moment, there was only silence, and when Tomoya opened his eyes, he was convinced he went blind, the darkness around him was truly all-consuming, not a single speck of light.

“Hibiki-senpai? Hibiki-senpai! Where…” Worry overtook him when he noticed his touch was absent from his hand.

“Stupid! You tell me to not let go and you’re the one who let go! Hibiki-senpai!” He tried calling out until he heard a soft noise from somewhere in the darkness. He quieted down to listen, it sounded like… Crying? Pain? Someone was in pain?

Uncaring of his initial fear, he rushed on ahead towards the sound, it’s not like there was anything he could bump into. The space was completely empty.

His eyes had adjusted to it enough to make out a figure, a familiar one. It was trembling, the source of the soft cries.

Tomoya immediately dropped to his knees in front of the other, but it seemed he was slipping right out of his hands, unable to touch him. Like he was losing him to the dark. He was disappearing. He could no longer see him. “Hibiki-senpai..? Wh...e.. Where are you?”

“Everywhere and nowhere, all around you is me.”

Tomoya tried to reach out one last time, focusing on the figure in front of himself, blindly reaching into the darkness and taking both his hands into his own. “Hibiki-senpai, I’m.. I’m holding your hand. I didn’t let go.”

Before he knew it, he was pulled into a hug, a tight one. Wataru held him to his chest, an unsure hand carding through his hair. He chose to relax in that embrace, his ear resting right above his heart, able to hear its frantic racing.

“I was… Certain you’d find me, even in the dark. Yet, I couldn’t help, but worry you’d get lost inside as I have.”

“Where are we?”

“My heart. My mind. My soul. A reflection of myself.”

Tomoya grasped onto Wataru’s shirt and nuzzled into his chest. “So… Is this how you wanted to show yourself to me?”

“Isn’t it hideous? None would be made happy if I allowed it to surface.”

Though he couldn’t see Wataru’s face clearly, he still lifted his head to look into his eyes, a hand reaching out to caress him. “I don’t mind that it’s dark… Because your embrace is still warm.”

There were tears rushing down Wataru’s cheeks as he brought up a hand, to intertwine it with Tomoya’s and nuzzle his cheek against it. “Is that so?”

“I finally caught you. The real you.” Acting on impulse, Tomoya leaned in closer, only hesitating a single moment before he’d seal their lips. He’s been waiting for this moment. When he no longer had to chase him. He was right here, emotions laid bare, without a barrier between them. This is how he wished to feel his lips for the first time. With their souls united and on full display for the other to see.

Wataru let go of Tomoya’s hand and his, now free, hand slipped up Tomoya’s arm, shoulder, and neck, finally settling in his hair. With a gentle massage to his scalp, Wataru urged him closer, to deepen the kiss.

Like this, the dark didn’t feel quite so scary. For neither of them.

It was like it ceased to exist. Everything did. Only each other and their warmth remained.

When their lips finally parted ways, Tomoya was about to say something when he caught a glimpse of…

“Hibiki-senpai? What is that?”

Wataru’s eyes remained shut, even after the kiss had ended, wishing to savor the sweetness of it just a while longer. He only opened them once called to look, his smile softening at the sight.

A little speck of light. It looked like a firefly. But it emanated bright enough light to illuminate them both. Now, Wataru could see Tomoya’s flushed face clearly. He chuckled, massaging his head a little more. “It’s you. This moment. Forever stored in a speck of light.”

As he said that, a few more of those little lights began to pop up around them.

“It’s bright…” Tomoya whispered, reaching out a hand to try and touch one of the other little lights. Which is when he noticed there was a moving picture inside that emitted the glow. And it was of him. Of him laughing over something dumb during a rehearsal. With Wataru in the background, wearing the softest little smile.

“Are these…?”

“Memories, yes. Memories where my real self had surfaced and found solace in the world.”

“It’s me…”

“Yes, it is. Most of them are.”

Tomoya dropped his forehead against Wataru’s shoulder, a soft sob leaving his lips. “How could I… Someone so… Insignificant…”

“Weren’t you the one who said someone’s darkness can be another’s light? What you deem undesirable, your normalcy… Is exactly what has allowed me to let loose and… Most importantly, feel safe by your side. With you, I find I can relax easier.”

“Why me..”

Instead of an audible response, Wataru took him by the chin softly and lifted his head, just enough to be able to bring their lips together again, for a brief moment. “Love doesn’t choose based on reason. So I cannot give you a precise reason. However, what I can do is show you my true devotion.”

“Hibiki-senpai… The lights. They’re warm…”

“Of course, for they are of my warmest of memories. It wouldn’t make sense if they didn’t emit the same warmth. Though nothing can ever replicate the exact feeling of the moment.”

Tomoya allowed his head to rest on Wataru’s shoulder and he moved to sit on his lap, letting himself be wrapped by that soft embrace of his. “It’s… comfortable here.”

“Is it truly? The lights will disappear soon and give way to the darkness once more.”

“Not if I keep creating new lights, right? So… I’ll stay right by your side so you won’t have to be lost in the darkness alone! And in turn, you show me how to become an even better actor! Deal?”

Wataru’s eyes pooled up with tears and he wrapped both his arms tight around the other’s smaller figure, clutching him to himself, not for a moment letting go. “Fufu… Deal.”

Wataru caressed his face, letting his head rest on top of his. “Rest now, Tomoya-kun. You’ve given me the greatest gift and the truest of love. Please, allow me to take care of you, right here, with my soul on full display just for you!”

There was a comfortable silence for a minute or two before Wataru would speak up, in the softest voice. “My dear Tomoya-kun… I adore you.”

“Mhm… I love you too, Hibiki-senpai,” almost asleep, he mumbled.

Tomoya smiled, shifting a bit in his lap, only to hear his heartbeat better and to nuzzle into his touch. “What I said before… About the performance..” With his smile slightly fading, he spoke up. “I’m sorry... I really didn’t mean that. I love acting next to you..”

“I didn’t take it to heart.”

“I never saw you so close to crying…”

“You really are quite observant. But it’s useless to cling to what had already happened. You’ve more than made up for it now. I’ve never been happier than now that I get to hold you so close.”

“I’m happy too... So don’t change your mind and let go of me anytime soon!”

“Nonsense, Tomoya-kun. I will never let you go. As long as you do not wish to leave.”

“I’d stay like this forever… It’s really…” Tomoya chuckled sleepily. “Amazing..”