#esp in an unstable/abusive environment

[ickypuppi3]

When was it decided that Billy abused Max? How was it decided? We see him grab her arm once. He called her shitbird once. Yelled at her maybe three times, but all of that in my opinion is just normal sibling shit. I should know since I have 5 of them. So why are people calling him an abuser? Genuinely curious.

hi !!

i’m also genuinely curious about this tbh

i do think a lot of it is just word of mouth and people automatically believing something they’ve read because i’ll see a post about billy that’s literally not true and the comments are just ‘omg yeah’ ‘he’s so bad’ and it’s like ?? did you even ?? watch the same show as me ??

as you said, it’s pretty much normal sibling behaviour ?? if i had to guess i’d say a lot of these people haven’t got siblings because… yeah… they’d have A Lot to say about me and my sisters if they react like this to max and billy’s interactions lmao

to me his behaviour is pretty tame compared to what people think it is

he’s controlling, yeah, but.. he has to be

i think people should ask themselves what they’d do in his shoes because i’m pretty sure a lot of us would act the same if we knew our siblings doing something ‘wrong’ (in neil’s opinion) would get our shit rocked tbh

i wonder if a lot of it comes from the book runaway max? i haven’t read the whole thing but maybe that’s a possibility?

thanks for the ask !!

[abimee]

as someone who had to go to college bc it was the only conceivable way for me to escape an abusive environment, striaght up: dont go to college. your post is so true, if youre mentally ill (or physically ill, esp chronically) No One Gives A SHIT. i had an incident where i had to go to urgent care i was so sick and my professor was still like "Well. you need to show up to class or youre absent. if you have 2 absences, you fail automatically." so i had to show up half-dead. no one helps you. im also bipolar and went to my college's counselor for help and while she was a lovely woman she didnt support me much there she didnt know much about the disorder. the only way i was able to graduate was bc i was getting an art degree and making things i was already going to make anyway, if that makes sense, and ironically my anxiety disorder was helpful but oh my god it was so bad for my mental health!! so bad and awful!!

tldr: fuck everybody who starts berating you college sucks and theyre all fucking ableist as hell AND on TOP of that it is just such a classist ass money pit and its Not Fucking Worth It

THIS IS EXACTLY HOW IT IS and its SO FUNNY when people tell me to ''get a scholarship'' because news flash asshole; scholarships expect things from you like Bs in all your classes and to actually gaduate, when I can barely pull it together for a B in a class im GOOD AT in HIGHSCHOOL.

I WAS ALSO IN SPECIAL EDUCATION! My math class only went up to a 6th grade level, I never did pre-algebra! I dont even know how to go calculus or trig or any math involving letters and complex systems because my own highschool special education classes didnt teach me it because I wasnt capable enough for it yet! So even if i try to go into college on a scholarship theyll definitely revoke mine and make me pay for it in full once I have a manic episode and stop showing up for a week and then come back and have to tell my teachers ''yeah i never learned any of this in highschool. i was smoking cigarettes in dugouts instead of going to class''

like i am just Not someone who will make it through college unless they give me 30 different accomodations because I already dont have the money to deal with my Mysterious Body Proclems and my severe mixed bipolar that sends me into hysterics monthly in rapid cycles. Not to mention in highschool they found out that i just literally cannot learn in your typical school setup of sitting in a classroom with other people but they wont allow me to do homeschooling/online classes because im so Bipolar that if im left by myself for a long periods of time i may hurt myself. So im literally the most physically, mentally, emotionally, and financially unfit person for college 😭👍 AND I DONT EVEN HAVE ANYTHING I WANNA GO TO SCHOOL FOR!!! IM NOT GOOD ENOUGH AT ART FOR AN ART DEGREE, I CANT DO MATH, I AM TOO MENTALLY UNSTABLE FOR THINGS LIKE SOCIAL OR RELIGIOUS STUDIES, ETC.

Literally just a crockpot of unwell yet every time people find out i never went to college they act like im some dead end loser destined for nothing like gee thanks this makes me feel way better about myself, i bet you love making me feel bad from your ivory tower because you think im just lazy and not a literal psychotic threat to myself on every level. drives me MAD!

[menalez]

to add onto the bpd discussion: putting misogyny aside, when i first got recognized as bpd i was a teenager and it was because id have extreme rage outbursts at my parents and cut myself and overall be very unstable and get attached to anyone who was nice to me ; but i was being severely abused and once i got away from that environment i stopped qualifying for a bpd diagnosis and now im recognized as schizoid along with schizotypal, schizoid pd is generally not very compatible with bpd at all. so i think a lot of bpd diagnoses might be young people living in traumatic situations and acting out

good point,,, i think definitely for many cases esp ones diagnosed as teens they’re either currently in a bad environment, hormonal bc they’re teens, and/or often actually autistic women are misdiagnosed with bpd. in my case, my symptoms definitely seriously reduced after leaving the environment i was in and also now that im an adult im also not so hormonal and so it’s not as terrible. but for me personally the symptoms are still there, many very obviously linked to my childhood traumas, just not as bad

[800-dick-pics]

*EMERGENCY FUNDS  FOR QUEER TRANS BIPOC COUPLE SEEKING SAFE HOUSING*

Hello everyone, my partner is in a time sensitive situation, we need emergency funds to move my girlfriend out of their abuse situation as soon as possible, hopefully by late july-august  my partner @honeybearbutch​ has faced transmisogynistic, homophobic and ableistic abuse from their family members for years, and recently their parents revealed that they had more far right leaning views/values than previously thought. Their living environment has always been dangerous with threats and actions of physical violence against them previously  but it has come increasingly unsafe for them to live there over the past few months

ive faced unstable housing, cyclical homelessness and poverty my entire life, last year I was assaulted and kicked out of my home, eventhough i currently have a room/shelter over the past year I have not been able to heal and thus my mental health and physical disability have degraded and now even more so with the stress of losing my insurance, so now I am paying for meds out of pocket and due to covid i was temporarily  laid off with no idea when we will get our jobs back, or if I can even go back due to my immunocompromised body so my income is almost $0. my partner was forced to quit by their family, and before covid we were already planning to move in together in much cheaper state, but for fear of my partners safety they must come to me. the rent in this sate is exorbitant and what we had saved to move wont even cover 1 months rent + deposit, let alone furnishings food and moving costs. we have looked at listings for several places that will work for both of us and are singling them down, making supply lists and figuring out how much everything in total is going to cost and it is looking well beyond 10K, we dont even have 1/3rd of that combined we are in the process of making a gofundme and will provide a link later, but now we are taking individual donations to buy things that are immediate needs for them, including the flight, the airbnb, and food for two weeks so they can self isolate when the arrive here and all of that currently totals $2,900

cash.app/$grumblybear venmo: XochiRose

cash.app/$sleepyhen venmo: sleepyhen

I have always been thankful of the support ive gotten from everyone both in the monetary and emotionally, helping my partner and I right now means everything to us. Please consider supporting and protecting black folks and trans women of color while we are still here esp this pride season

💜💜💜Thank You All!💜💜💜

[firebirdsdaughter]

What’s hilarious [read: ridiculous] to me…

… Is that Horobi and Yua actually follow a fairly parallel path in their responses to their situations (I had a whole realisation about how Horobi-Fuwa-Naki-Yua are a four way parallel today; Horobi-Fuwa are parallels and Naki-Yua are parallels, but then their actions crisscross parallel). But there’s a massive double standard in how the two characters are reacted to… Despite the fact that Yua is a fully mentally matured and developed human adult and Horobi is an AI that has been hacked and brainwashed for the past decade in a way that forcibly stunted his development.

Yua was in a horrid and toxic work environment w/ an abusive boss. Now, admittedly, Gai kept a large amount of his worse deeds from her and to a point one could justify it as her thinking she’s acting for the greater good… Until we get to the part where it becomes abundantly clear she knows very well that what they’re doing is at the least morally questionable… But doesn’t try to defect at all, even to the point of insisting it’s of her own free will. Yes, she had a chip in her head, too, but given her reactions to him torturing Fuwa, she doesn’t seem to have known he could do that, and she didn’t know about Naki, nor did she have an AI drone in her mind. Now this is not to blame Yua—in fact, the point is that she was a victim in a bad situation. Her struggle to get out of there was fairly realistic given her situation. But she had the experience to know that what they were doing was wrong. That makes it tragic in it’s own way, yes, that she was under extreme stress and very conflicted, but she was aware of that. She was a fully developed adult. She deliberately pursued Izu w/ the intention of destroying her, and would have had Gai not said the wrong thing and set Fuwa off. And Izu was frightened and trying to run away. She resists Fuwa’s repeated attempts to snap her out of it.

Rightly so, people noted Yua’s situation, were upset for her and felt bad for her. When there were jackasses saying she should die, people called it out as bad. People were cheering for her to get away from Gai. People were happy when she did. And this includes me. I blocked people I saw shitting on Yua and saying she should die bc what the fuck, guys, she was in a seriously messed up situation.

Once free of Gai, Yua is uncertain what to do and decides to try and ‘make up’ for something she feels responsible for in a rather questionable way. She ends up helping the Ark rise and wreak havoc. Still people recognise that she couldn’t have known that would happen. Poor Yua’s been through a lot.

Meanwhile, Horobi is hacked and brainwashed by the Ark twelve years ago. She uses him to cause Daybreak. He is an AI being controlled by a larger AI designed to control HumaGear like him. Unlike and adult human being pressured and manipulated, he is literally incapable of thinking outside the Ark’s will. The Ark has complete control. Even if he did have any experience to compare w/ before, the Ark erases it. He has no frame of reference besides the Ark, no development of any kind to evaluate his situation w/. Even when Jin becomes important to him, everything is through the lens of the Ark, the Ark is more than a god to him. The brainwashing is so deep that even when disconnected for a bit, he can’t be anything besides blindly devoted. Talks about how the Ark is absolute. When confronted w/ something that causes uncertainty, he goes into a full on mental breakdown—literally, should have been a first clue that emotions were never going to come easy for him.

Eventually, he does end up w/ enough experience to just start to begin to break free. Manages to act completely on his own for the first time in his life—not an instinct that the Ark swooped in to take advantage of, he gets to go through w/ it on his own. And he’s floored. He literally cannot fathom why his body moved on its own, as far as he can tell. Can’t understand the fact that he wanted to do something. This is recognised as a big deal (one of the only times anyone tries to actually talk him out of things, in fact, unlike Yua, where there was a lot of effort). Horobi begins to wonder about things outside the Ark’s will, about himself, which he’s never considered before… Only to have it turn out his son was plotting to have the Ark possess him and then kill him to kill her. This completely upends any development he had. He’s re-hacked and rendered as largely a drone when not being possessed.

Finally, someone decides to put effort into him (kinda…) again. And, in a situation that heavily parallels Yua, he ends up finding it in him to break free of the Ark. Only… Again, a lot like Yua, it’s not a clean break. He’s still stuck w/ the past, the conditioning, and the effects of what happened. Additionally, as later becomes clear, his struggling w/ feeling emotions, which he has been carefully conditioned to reject and have no experience w/, for the first time. He’s mentally unstable and volatile. Now, in the show, what happens is the result of Azu/the Ark’s manipulations and people making poor decisions (and I do think you can make an argument for the fact that the Ark was intentionally keeping Horobi from feeling/having any experience w/ emotions to make him even more of a wreck later on), and poking a very volatile bear (well, a highly traumatised child soldier AI who has no fucking clue what emotions are to the point it feels like an outside being controlling him somehow), he lashes out, and Izu calmly stands there and deliberately takes a hit she very clearly sees coming. General chaos ensues. From Horobi’s perspective, the thing he’s been trained to think will get rid of the uncertainty and emotions etc. not only doesn’t work, but it makes him feel worse, and bc he has no other way he knows how to respond, he becomes more aggressive in rejecting those feelings. And then Jin dies, and he completely breaks down.

The reaction he gets? People calling him evil and horrible and saying he should die. That e’s choosing to do these things. People who talk about how Yua can’t really be held accountable, how she was coerced, look at a literal brainwash victim and say he choose to do those things.

Now, obviously, there are differences, which resulted in the different out comes—obviously the whole, one is a fully developed human adult and the other one is an AI. One was externally conditioned, the other, again, literally brainwashed. One had someone fighting to convince them to break free of their situation on a regular basis, repeatedly, constantly, the other didn’t. Yua was always going to have an easier break than Horobi, bc she had more mental and emotional maturity, but bc of that, esp in regards to actions done whilst under the ‘control’ of others, she has more responsibility for her actions bc she was capable of identifying them as wrong.

Now, of course, both situations are bad for the people involved. Both of them are victims.

But the issue is that people seem to be all over how Yua was a victim, Yua was mistreated… While attacking Horobi (and being upset about Izu dying is one thing, although, again, the person really responsible for that was Azu/th ark(well, Gai for creating her), Horobi was pretty much used as a weapon there, but this is for stuff he did while mind controlled).

And I used Yua just bc she and Horobi had the most parallel responses to their situations. The same goes for being able to see Fuwa as a victim, or Naki (so if Naki is the one who gave Horobi the ZetsumeRise Keys, does that make them responsible for Operation MaGear, or bc they gave Horobi the ForceRiser and said to use it on Jin, are they responsible for that? Bc that’s the logic of blaming Horobi for Daybreak), or Raiden, or even Aruto for that time he got hijacked via MCH. Any of the hacked HumaGear who were turned into MaGear.

Just… The concept of seeing how all of those people are victims in the situation… But blaming Horobi? Like… Not being interested in Horobi is one thing. Obviously, no on is going to be as madly in love w/ him as I am. It’s the act of not recognising him as being a victim while recognising everyone in similar situations as victims. It’s saying he was responsible for Daybreak, treating him like the Ark’s will was his (I’m literally having flashbacks to comments calling Horobi’s whole death ‘Horobi’s plan,’ even though by that point we literally knew the Ark was an entity that existed). Like… They literally confirmed it in show as not being that. Horobi is a mind control victim. What someone’s personal opinion of the character outside of that is another matter. But the fact is that he was mind controlled by the Ark and that the things he did under her control cannot be objectively called things he chose to do. Whether someone thinks he would have chosen them if he weren’t mind controlled… Esp given how all his actions of own choice were about protecting Jin, I personally disagree. But the show has been very explicit that he was mind controlled, and that he had no clue how to handle emotions (to the point he didn’t even seem to know what they are), so being able to understand that all those other people, esp the ones who went through similar things, are victims… But Horobi’s to blame for what he did? That’s just ridiculous.

And don’t even get me started on how anyone could ever see Gai as being a bigger victim than Horobi.

[idowhatimust-archived]

(( okay I guess I kinda have no dog in this fight, so to speak, ‘cause i don’t RP as Gabe or Jack so I haven’t thought as much in detail about their characters

but I just wanna say something

Gabe and Jack were/are BOTH good leaders, IN DIFFERENT WAYS.

Jack’s mentality and command style suited the more public side of Overwatch. They were organized like soldiers, and that shows through in the Uprising event in how Jack gives orders - it’s clearly militaristic [and despite the negative connotations of that word, that’s not necessarily a bad thing]. And the people under his command - esp. the named characters - are used to that setup; they go through military training of different kinds, but there are commonalities. They’re used to that kind of environment. AND, importantly, they have ‘clean’ records; they cannot be called into question over their pasts, which is a crucial thing for Overwatch’s public face. Jack’s position plays to his strengths and his type of leadership. He was a good choice to lead the Overwatch that the public knew about.

Gabe’s mentality and command style suited Overwatch’s hidden side, Blackwatch. They had to be more covert, and not just because their missions were special ops. The 2 named characters we see in BW [aside, of course, from Gabe] are: a former member of one of the deadliest, most enduring gangs in at least the whole of America; and the disowned second son of a very powerful yakuza clan, heavily enhanced with cybernetics in a time when omnic-human relations are very tenuous and anti-omnic sentiment is definitely not a thing of the past. They CANNOT operate in public; people wouldn’t trust them, and it would adversely affect Overwatch’s image and thus their freedom to operate [as we also see]. Gabe’s command style, as we hear in the Uprising event, is firm and there is a sense of urgency, but he’s calm. He doesn’t bark orders because he doesn’t need to, and because it would likely endanger the types of missions Blackwatch deals with [stuff like recon and various under-the-radar objectives]. Gabe’s position also plays to his strengths and his type of leadership. And again, he was a good choice to lead Blackwatch.

Having different command styles does not make either one better than the other, only more suited to different positions.

It isn’t because Jack is white, or a ‘better’ leader, or just a ‘sweetpea good-ol’-farmboy’.

It isn’t because Gabe is Latino, or wasn’t a good commander, or was ‘unstable’ or just a ‘gruff snippy borderline-abusive edgelord’.

They were both leaders. They were both GOOD leaders who had positive effects on their subordinates.

That is all. ))

[enmonerkhabor-blog]

Personality Disorder - Part 2

Personality Disorder - Part 1 Enduring patterns of perceiving, relating to, and thinking about the environment and oneself that are exhibited in a wide range of social and personal contexts. Paranoid Personality disorder A pervasive distrust and suspiciousness of others such that their motives are interpreted as malevolent. Suspects others are exploiting or deceiving him Preoccupied with unjustified doubts about loyalty Is reluctant to confide in others because he believes they will use the information against him Reads hidden demeaning meanings into benign remarks Perceives attacks on his character Recurrent suspicions regarding fidelity of spouse or sexual partner Prevalence:  2% of the population. Sex ratio:  F:M=3:1 Comorbidity:  Brief reactive psychosis, delusional disorder, anxiety, substance abuse, depression, schizophrenia Family:  Delusional disorder, schizophrenia, Cluster A disorders Schizoid Personality Disorder A pervasive pattern of detachment from social relationships and restricted expression of emotion with 4 or more the following: Neither desires nor enjoys close relationships Almost always chooses solitary activities Little if any interest in sexual experiences with another person Takes pleasure in few in any activities Lacks close friends other than first-degree relatives Appears indifferent to the praise or criticism of others Shows emotional coldness or flattened affect Sex ratio:  M>F Comorbidity:  Delusional disorder, schizophrenia Family:  Schizophrenia, Cluster A disorders, esp. schizotypal personality disorder Schizotypal Personality Disorder A pervasive pattern of social and interpersonal deficits with reduced capacity for close relationships as well as cognitive or perceptual distortions and eccentricities of behavior with 5 or more of the following: Ideas of reference Odd beliefs or magical thinking Unusual perceptual experiences including bodily illusions Odd thinking and speech Suspiciousness or paranoid ideation Inappropriate or constricted affect Behavior or appearance that is odd or eccentric Lack of close friends other than first-degree relatives Excessive social anxiety that does not diminish with familiarity Sex ratio:  M>F Comorbidity:  Depression, anxiety, brief reactive psychosis, delusional disorder, schizophrenia Family:  Schizophrenia, Cluster A disorders. Antisocial Personality Disorder A pervasive pattern of disregard for and violation of the rights of others occurring since the age of 15 years as indicated by 3 or more of the following: Failure to conform to social norms with respect to lawful behaviors Deceitfulness and conning others for personal profit or pleasure Impulsivity or failure to plan ahead Irritability or aggressiveness as indicated by repeated fights or assaults Reckless disregard for safety of self or others Consistent irresponsibility Lack of remorse There is evidence of Conduct Disorder with onset before age 15 Sex ratio:  M:F=3:1 Comorbidity:  Substance abuse, attention deficit disorder, depression, anxiety Family:  Somatization disorder, substance abuse, Cluster B disorders, esp. antisocial personality disorder Associations Violence Criminal behavior Suicide Borderline Personality Disorder The pervasive pattern of instability of interpersonal relationships, self-image and affects and marked impulsivity as indicated by 5 or more of the following: Frantic efforts to avoid abandonment Unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation Identity disturbance Impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging Recurrent suicidal behaviors, gestures or threats or self-mutilating behaviors Affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood Chronic feelings of emptiness Inappropriate anger Transient, stress-related paranoia Sex ratio:  F:M=3:1 Comorbidity:  Depression, substance abuse, eating disorders, brief reactive psychosis Family:  Mood disorders, substance abuse, Cluster B disorders, esp. antisocial personality disorder Associations Suicide and self-mutilation Splitting – seeing the world as all good or all bad Psychosis Childhood trauma (especially sexual) Dissociation- depersonalization, derealization, amnestic episodes Histrionic Personality Disorder The pervasive pattern of excessive emotionality and attention seeking indicated by >5 of the following: Uncomfortable in situations in which he is not the center of attention Interaction with others often characterized by inappropriate sexually seductive behavior Displays rapidly shifting and shallow expression of emotion Consistently uses physical appearance to draw attention to self Has a style of speech that is excessively impressionistic and lacking in detail Shows self-dramatization and exaggerated emotion Is suggestible Considers relationships to be more intimate than they are Sex ratio:  F>M Comorbidity:  Somatization and conversion disorders, depression, anxiety Family:  Cluster B disorders Narcissistic Personality Disorder A pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behavior), need for admiration, lack of empathy as indicated by >5 of the following: Grandiose sense of self-importance preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance or beauty Believes he is special and can only be understood or should associate with other special or high-status people Requires excessive admiration Has a sense of entitlement Is interpersonally exploitive Lacks empathy Is often envious of others and believes others are envious of him Shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes Sex ratio:  50-75% male Comorbidity:  Mood disorders, anorexia, substance abuse Family:  Cluster B disorders Avoidant Personality Disorder A pervasive pattern of social inhibition, feelings of inadequacy and hypersensitivity to negative evaluation as indicated by >4 of the following: Avoids social occupations that involve significant interpersonal contact Is unwilling to get involved with people unless certain of being liked Is preoccupied with being criticized in social situations Shows restraint in intimate relationships because of fear of being shamed or ridiculed Inhibited in new interpersonal situations because of feeling inadequate Views self as socially inept and unappealing Is unusually reluctant to take personal risks or engage in any new activities because they may prove embarrassing Sex ratio:  M=F Comorbidity:  Social phobia, depression, anxiety Family:  Cluster C disorders Dependent Personality Disorder A pervasive and excessive need to be taken care of that leads to submissive and clinging behaviors and fears of separation as indicated by >5 of the following: Has difficulty making everyday decisions without an excessive amount of reassurance Needs others to assume responsibility for most major areas of his life Has difficulty expressing disagreement with others because of fear of loss of approval Difficulty initiating projects on his own because of lack of self-confidence Goes to excessive lengths to obtain nurturance and support from others Feels uncomfortable or helpless when alone Urgently seeks another relationship as a source of care and support when a relationship ends Is unrealistically preoccupied with fears of being left to take care of himself Sex ratio:  F>M Comorbidity:  Mood and anxiety disorders, adjustment disorders Family:  Cluster C disorders   Read the full article