#especially since back then my books about dragons seemed so much cooler than stories from the bible

[weepylucifer]

Hey. I've really been thinking about my faith and just like, religions in general lately so I wanna ask people whose opinions I care about some stuff. Like, are you or were you ever spiritual and/or religious? How do you feel about organised religion as a whole? If you don't mind sharing that is

Firstly, it is wild to think that I'm someone whose opinions someone cares about. Kneejerk reaction to reading that was "is this some kind of copypasta or bot" bc generally nobody has ever cared what views I have on anything in the world. Maybe this is a copypasta or bot and I'll see a post about "the copypasta that asks people their religion!!" later and feel embarrassed for answering. Or maybe it's some kind of bait. Still, if you're a real person out here... of all the blogs you had to walk into mine (I said this in a gritty noir detective voice)

Probably I'm going to be unhelpful here bc my relationship to religion is extremely vague. I'm a natural doubter, and raised by atheists, so I feel a bit ridiculous when trying to pray or observe religious "rites" (for lack of a better word)... it feels like talking to something that'll never reply, bc maybe it's not there? Or doesn't exist on a level similar enough to talk/have any tangible influence on my life?

On the other hand, I wish I could buy into the whole thing enough to allow earnest, wholehearted spiritual belief into my world. People who rest secure in their faith are people whom I kind of envy! My mother always speaks of religion as inherently oppressive and ridiculous and I think it's a really annoying, narrow-minded viewpoint. Ideally, organized religion without oppression can be and should be completely possible. Maybe it means churches have to distance themselves from missionizing, bc the root of all ill that's done in the name of religion (any) seems to be trying to force it on people who don't want it. I'm in no ways an expert.

Was I ever adherent to a religion... I tried. I was/am Luciferian. I started this as a teen, for all the typical reasons edgy teens become Satanists. I revisit it sometimes now, because all flavors of Satanism are such artifical, made-up constructs that they demand no certainty of me, and I think that's funny and fascinating. For many, it's more an attitude towards the self than a belief that the devil is real. I live with that as the little spark of magic I allow myself without becoming a fuckin internet witch. Sometimes I try to act like Lucifer is real and listening, bc why not at this point, and I wear my sigil necklace when I'm out and about, and I let my general pro-devil-stance inform my literary analysis which I hope to make my career. And I generally try to live my life in a way that would intrigue a heretic angel. Idk if that's the same thing as believing.

That's more or less my story. Not very helpful to anyone on the search for clarity in their faith, I reckon, because I have no clarity to offer. The question of "how do I stand on religion" is one I constantly put off dealing with. If I have any advice at all, it's that the thinking human is always beset by doubt and controversy. It's fine to not be 100% certain in what you're doing. It's fine to be in negotiations with your faith or your deity. Religion is for humankind, like society and law, we created it to help us. It exists for us, we do not exist (only) in service to it. In the end, what you gotta know is, "Does believing [x] or following [y] add something to my life that I think is worthwhile? Does it help me somehow? Does the help outweigh any harm that might exist?"

[ejm513]

FAIRY TAIL NEXT GEN CHILDREN-NALU EDITION

DISCLAIMER: 

1-I know there is now a cannon child for edo Nalu and edo Gruvia with names and everything. I also know that Gajeel and Levy have twins and Levy is currently pregnant in 100 Years Quest.  I love it and their names and everything about those precious babies-but I’ve had these ideas and characters and backstories growing and developing in my head for years so I’m being the stubborn Taurus that I am and sticking with it. 

-Also please forgive any misspellings and grammar mistakes as I am dyslexic and my school failed us at teaching spelling and grammar. I did my best. 

Hello my lovelies! I am back with the Fairy Tail post and starting with a bang! 

I’m working on my next gen story and am determined to make it work this time... so I’m making very detailed profiles for my OC’s that are going to show up and it was so much fun I thought I’d share them with you! 

Because of how unwieldly the document was getting I’m going to break it up by pairing staring with Nalu!!! 

God I love them...

RANDOM FACTS:

-After the less than stable childhoods the members of the guild had, when they started to have children, they decided to give them as normal a life as possible.

That means the following:

-Many of those who have kids choose to stop taking the longer and dangerous jobs-or at least don’t do nearly as many of them. This is so they can be there for their children and not reduce the risk of not coming home. That doesn’t mean there still aren’t adventures and that these dangerous missions don’t happen, but many of them are weary of the risk. Except for Natsu and Erza… they are always the exception.

-Naturally, the kids are members of the guild from the moment of their conception. However since they live much more stable lives and don’t need to work and take on jobs as children they don’t become official guilds until 13.

-Most of them start taking on summer jobs or small jobs during the school year with their parents starting then and as they get older-like with in a year or two-they start going on solo jobs.

-And yes I said school year because they make their children go to school like normal kids and get the education that most of them never got. (Please note if I mention anything in particular about school or schooling system it is going to be heavily based on the American school system as I went through that system and somehow came out the other side, so that’s what I’m familiar with)

-All of the children suffer from the same illness the Ultear did as child to varying degrees of severity because of how strong their parents. I say varying degrees of severity because some were able to handle it better than others, but none actually died (obviously

 THE DRAGNEELS: (NATSU X LUCY)

 Lila Dragneel:

Birthday: January 17th, 797

Magic type: Fifth Generation Fire Dragon Slayer; a dragon slayer who was taught and trained by first or second generation dragon slayers

Appearance:

-Height: 5’4 (about the same as Lucy)

-Hair color: Strawberry blonde-or more specifically Lucy’s blonde mixed with Natus’s pink

-Eyes: Exact carbon copy of Natsu’s-large and black.

-Has Natsu’s smile and more of athletic build but she is still uh… gifted

 -Otherwise is Lucy’s clone

IMPORTANT FACTS:

-She got the name the name Lila because it’s close to Layla, and for whatever reason I like to think Layla would have liked Lilacs so it’s from the flower too.

 -She fell victim to the same illness Ultear did. Because she’s been so strong from the beginning, she handled it relatively smoothly.

-She’s known for her physical strength

 Personality:

-Warm and bubbly

-A little whiny

-Loyal to a fault

-Stubborn

-Blunt like her father

-Very childlike and innocent like her father

-Very intelligent like her mother, but can be naïve and dense like Natsu

-She loves books and reading like her mother but is no writer.

-Unlike her father she is not the type to go out and seek fights… However… as Marie from the Aristicats said;

  -She was always a good student-particularly excelling in Literature and languages and anything physical (AKA she dominates PE and dodge ball is terrifying with her)

-Though not one to start a fight she does have a tempter and has gotten a number of detentions and at least one suspension for her reckless and destructive tendencies.

-Though if you ask her it’s never her fault because someone kept bugging her until she snapped and they deserved it.

Relationships:

-Extremely close with her mother

-Super close with her father and just seems to click with him more than Lucy. She’s a bit of daddy’s girl and will proudly admit it.

-Also close with her brother. They get along but he more than anyone else can push her buttons. They can fight and because they are Natus’s children it gets physical fast. But they’re still close and love each other.

-Her best friends include: Hazel Redfox and Eliza Fullbuster.

-And Happy. Always Happy

 -She tried to be friends with the older and therefore seemingly cooler Aurora Dryer but stopped said friendship after a nasty incident with Aurora and little Eliza.

-Her closest friend is Nick Fullbuster.

-They have somewhat of banter like Natsu and Gray in the sense they’re competitive with each other

An example of a banter:

“Spicy pink head!”

“Ice fairy princess!”

“Destructor!”

“Stripper!”

“Whiny pants!!”

“Pretty Boy!”

“Oh so you think I’m pretty huh?”

“SHUT UP!!”

It’s all-in good fun though.

-It’s also obvious that especially as they get older there is a HEAVY amount of romantic/sexual tension in this banter.

-Everyone but Lila is aware of this. It doesn’t become clear to her until it more less it’s her in the face.

Jude Ingeel Drangeel- Nickname Iggy

   Birthday: September 3rd, 802

Magic type: Celestial Magic.

Appearance:

-Height-5’7 (same height as Natsu)

-Hair: Spikey like his Natsu’s but blonde like Lucy’s

-Eyes: Natsu’s Eye Shape and Lucy’s color

-Same build as his father

-More or less a clone of his father with a few differences

-IMPORTANT FACTS

-His name is Jude Ingeel because both Natsu and Lucy agreed that Ingeel Drangeel was a little too much.

-He’s named after both grandfathers, because even though Jude Heartfillia was an ass hat to Lucy they left each other on a positive note and I like to think had she been able to she would have reconciled with him.

-He got the nick name Iggy because his sister thought Jude was stupid and boring and just started calling him Iggy and it stuck.

-Also known for his physical strength

-Also got the same illness Ultear had and like his sister got through it with relative ease

Personality: 

-Loud

-Boisterous

-Loyal to a fault

-Protective to a fault

-Scary energetic

-Extremely warm and kind

-Stubborn

-Blunt

-Loves reading and writes like his mother.

-More willing to start a fight than sister, not as bad as his father. He knows there’s a time and place… most of the time

-Most of the fights he starts are with his older sister and Eliza (the later being with words)

-Extremely intelligent and not as dense and naïve as his father or sister.

-He only did okay in school because he was bored most of the time and just didn’t really try... he was also a familiar face at detention.

-He excelled at anything physical (again dodge ball is terrifying with this kid), anything involving writing and oddly music. No one knows where on earth he got it from.

Relationships

-He considers everyone in Fairy Tail his friend

-Very close with his mother, has been called a mama’s boy on occasion but swears he’s not

( *cough cough* he is  *cough cough*)

-Considers his father one his best friends

-Close with his sister but he does enjoy pushing her button a little too much which causes a lot of arguments that more than not escalate into physical fights.

-He also likes just tossing her over his shoulder to piss her off and because he can.

-He’s friends with Nick Fullbuster and Simon Scarlet by association but… they’re more like the annoying older brother’s he never asked for.

-His best friend in the whole world (besides his father and Happy) is Eliza… though their relationships can take on more of the trappings of the rivalry of their parents. It doesn’t turn physical because he knows better and doesn’t want to turn into a human popsicle, but it’s a little more heated than Nick and Lila.

-Everything jokes they’re going to end up together like they’re older siblings and to that Iggy said;

“Listen I love Eliza, she’s like my sister. Heck I like her more than my sister sometimes! But I would never, ever, ever never ever ever ever ever… EVER date her.”

-He then proceeded to get blasted into oblivion by a jet of water

-He does however have a bit of a crush on Rose Scarlet.  

And there you have it! Hope you like it! Next up is my personal favorite and OTP-Gruvia!!

[writing-the-end]

WS Chapter 40: A Home in Hell

Previous Chapter

Masterpost

A lotta lore coming your way! Thank you X for being the only one with a braincell in this group to explain world mechanics in a way that even I- the author- hardly understands. 

And sorry for yet another cliffhanger! I just love them too much! (wonder how many people caught the foreshadowing a few chapters back)

Ecto belongs to @cooler-cactus-block 

Red belongs to @theguardiansofredland​

Red picks up his head as he hears the sound of fireworks. The late afternoon sun blocks Red’s vision, whiting out the sky and making it impossible to see who is flying by. He feels like a castaway, trapped on this mound of sand with only an ominous nether portal and an unlit campfire. He doesn’t even have the ability to start a fire. 

Glimmers of white rain from the sky, forms slowly descending from the heavens. Well, most of them are. One dives straight for Red, wings tucked in like an arrow shot from a bow. The grey elytran wings only open at the last second, just enough to slow the descent and save the flyer from experiencing kinetic energy. Not enough to keep Ecto from barreling into Red, sending them both skidding across the sand. 

Red squeaks, gasping for air as Ecto hugs the breath out of her. Red feels something wet on his shoulder, and realizes that Ecto’s crying. She isn’t sure she’s ever seen Ecto cry, even when she was iced out of her own home. “We thought you were gone.” 

Red’s lips thin out. She should be gone. Out of everyone’s way. But even death didn’t want something as useless as her. Avon’s wings eclipse the sun a moment later, oscillating to lower her to the sand. She crosses the sandy island in a few strides, lifting off the ground to reach Red as fast as possible. Avon wraps her arms and wings tight around the other two wanderers, cocooning all three in the embrace. A weak chuckle escapes Avon’s lips.“We have got to stop losing each other in this world.” 

They only break up when Red has to push them apart. She needs to breathe, and Ecto’s vice grip is definitely not letting her do that. The hermits take slow circles to lower in altitude before landing on the short spit of land. Grian does the best landing, sliding across the sand and using the grains to skid to a stop. Stress’s landing is more of a stumble, coming in too hot for her liking. 

Ecto lets go, but stays close to Red. “I...I can’t believe you’re alive. How...how does…” 

“Our world has a few different rules than yours appears to have. Differences in the laws of nature, and all that.” Xisuma states, sitting down next to the wanderers. The other hermits crowd close. Even Mumbo, despite nearly being killed by sixty six percent of the trio. “Most deaths here aren’t permanent. You die, but you can come back.” 

“Is that what world magic can do?” Red questions. “How does that even work?” 

Iskall pulls out a pair of flint and steel, striking it to start the campfire. Keralis and Stress pull up logs for them all to sit on. And Grian reveals pockets full of food. He can’t help but notice Avon’s gaze never faltering from the potatoes in his hand. He starts cooking while Xisuma fills them in. “I don’t know how all it works, but I know my spells work and it eases the tension on all of us.” 

“You don’t want to know how many times I’ve died. I’ve kinda gotten used to the tingly feeling of reviving.” Scar chuckles, leaning back and watching as the sun sets on the world. That reminds Scar of something. He picks up a bag from behind the log, tossing it across the fire to Red. “Here you go, little fish. Keep that little guy close in your world, you hear?” 

Red looks down, seeing the gilded statue glinting in the sunset colors and fire flames. He notices that it has little wings on it’s back, like an angel with wings outspread. Cute little wings, smaller than his wide nose. He can’t tell if the nose was a mistake or intentional. It’s endearing, but Red isn’t sure why Fred is so important for Scar. Did he make it? 

As the cooked meals are being passed around, Avon looks across the fire to Tango. He reminds her so much of Blu, especially the way that the flames frame his face, his blonde hair and eyes the color of heated netherrack. Xisuma said something about Tango spending lots of time in the nether. She bites into her baked potato, swallowing it before she speaks. “You worked in the nether?” 

Tango perks up, noticing the quietest camper suddenly speak. He takes a bite of his steak, and leans back. “Yeah, a few worlds back I made this massive nether style base and humongous big farm-ificators in the dimension.” 

“Were there other people in the nether? What was it like working there so long?” Red adds, scooting closer to Tango. 

“I mean, it was a pretty long time ago. My mind starts to wander and mix things all up into a bunch of gobblty goop. It was really hot, for one. And yeah, there were other people. They didn’t really talk to me much, but they liked to watch my work. They were pretty chill people, the ones I met. Gave me lots of books and told me all sorts of things, like how they would just- pop!- appear in hell. Called themselves hellspawns because of that.” 

Xisuma hums, looking at the wanderers and Tango. “I think there’s a reason why hellspawns exist. Every world is a bit different. Different rules of nature, and different ways of keeping those rules. But as every world mage knows, each universe needs to keep its balance. I may have a theory as to why the person who attacked you may exist.” 

“Ohhh, if it’s an Xisuma idea it’s got to be all sorts of cool wizardy spells and potion things.” Tango is on the edge of his seat. He doesn’t exactly know why these people appeared and lived in the nether, but his time spent with them made him want to make the best of his own life. Live on his own terms. And he feels he has, here among the hermits. 

“There’s three dimensions. All in balance with one another. Too much of one thing can be bad, and too much of another isn’t good either. The nether and the Overworld are equals and opposites. Mirrors, counterweights. Keeping the universe in balance.” Xisuma picks up a handful of sand, watching the grains fall through his fingertips and return to the millions of others among the beach.

“But what about the End? Where is it in all this?” Avon questions, leaning against a propped up knee.

“If the overworld and the nether are the weights, then the End is the scale. Measuring, taking, adding. The liminal space between both, but just as integral as either side.” Xisuma looks around. Most of the people listening seem to be lost, but still listening

“So hellspawns….” Tango whispers.

“Probably appear to give the world balance. To be the counter to the universe. A hellspawn can’t exist without it’s overworld counter being born. And the overworld needs the nether to ease the weight of creation. Both are needed to keep balance.” 

“Why would Blu attack us then?” Ecto seems to understand the gist, tossing out all the weird theoretical stuff. “If both need to be balanced, why attack us? Why kill the ender dragon and freeze an entire desert?” 

“That...I can’t understand.” Xisuma shrugs, pulling off his helmet to finally dig into the mushroom stew he’s been preparing. Long, fluffy brown hair falls from his helmet, curling around his face. 

The wanderers look to Tango, but he shakes his head. “I don’t think any of my books or conversations can help, friends. It’s been ages since my nether base and those massive farms, leaving to join the other hermits in the new world. I really wish I could help more, but this is way out of my league man.” 

The wanderers look at each other, before looking back at the fire. It’s not the answer they were looking for, but it’s information they needed. Now they know, hellspawns are from the nether. Some way of their world balancing itself. Stress changes the subject to something lighter, and Scar adds on his own quirky stories until the air is filled with laughter. Calm respite after so long the wanderers struggled. Retreating into the hermit world, wounded and defeated. Quickly becoming lost in the jungle, only to find new friends willing to help them. In more ways than just getting back on course. And now, they can return to their world. Healed and with a new understanding of what they’re facing. 

With the dawn light, Scar guides the wanderers back to Larry. The giant snail still eeks over the infinity portal, guarding it with a fierce, lopsided gaze. Scar presses a crystal into each of the wanderer’s hands. “ The heart of the warrior for Avon, Luck for Ecto, and water breathing for Red.” 

Red looks at his crystal, then up to Scar. He doesn’t have the heart to tell him that he can already breathe underwater. He just clutches the crystal close, nodding as the rift warps and shifts between them. As much as Red loves being with the hermits, he’s ready to go home. Ready to face whatever is waiting for him. 

The wanderers step back through the portal, falling between worlds and back to their own. It’s dazing, and they can’t help but stumble back into their world. The portal disappears, leaving them in the forest. Ecto winces, rubbing her head after nearly cracking it against a tree. “Ugh, what’s that awful scent? It smells like dead fish.” 

Red looks around, breath catching in his throat. He recognizes where he is. He remembers the river, flowing through the forest towards the sea. The giant boulders tossed aside and trees growing from the fractures within them. And he smells the horrible scent, making him gag, his nose burning and eyes watering. The tide is turning.

Red scrabbles to his feet, leaving Ecto and Avon behind. Stumbling through the sand of the beach, only to collapse at the interface of the water. The water swirls with a rusted red color, waves brushing dead fish and seaweed against the pristine beaches. It’s already too late. 

Red was too late. The tide has turned.

[creaturefeatures-and-mysticyarns]

Gala (MLM)

Characters: Male ¼ Dragon, Male reader

Content Warnings: a few instances of mild language; making out; fade-to-black/implied sexytimes

Rating: Lime; or if you prefer non-fruit ratings we’ll go with M(ature)

Word Count: 2878

You sighed, resisting the urge to drop your head to the green silk-clothed table in front of you, and asking yourself for the third time that night what cosmic power you had angered to draw the short straw of representing your employer at the world’s dullest charity gala. The salads had only just been cleared away and there had already been four different speeches by ancient white men about how important these rare books were that needed preservation. Now one of the event organizers had just announced that there would be a five minute break between speakers and then the audience would be hearing from one of the preservation experts who had been selected for the project with an explanation of the process.

You rolled your eyes at the tittering jewel-toned gossips who thought they were being inconspicuous with their hands blocking their mouths from view, as if you didn’t know they were commenting on the fact that you were practically the only person attending the party without a plus one.

Black and white clad waiters circled the room, half of them placing large, heavy ceramic plates with about three forkfuls of some sort of odd vegetable and pasta dish in front of each seated guest, and the other half filling empty crystal wine glasses with a deep red wine that you suspected cost more per bottle than you made in a year, maybe two. The same event organizer that had spoken before was back on stage, listing the credentials of the restoration expert, someone named Reeves Ahura, who had so many specialized degrees that added letters to the end of his name that he may as well have had the whole alphabet, twice over. Finally, a polite smattering of applause signaled the end of the introduction. The audience sat in hushed silence for a moment before he came on stage, at which point a shocked gasp rippled through the room, enough to get your attention and make you look up from poking at the food before you.

Not wanting to be rude, especially since the rest of the audience was less than subtle and he seemed to be shifting uncomfortably because of it, you tried to stifle the gasp that rose up in your throat.

There was no other word that could describe Reeves Ahura than gorgeous. Clearly, he was somehow dragon, but, you suspected probably a draconic grandparent at the most. His broad-shouldered form perfectly filled out his cleanly-cut black tux and pale blue undershirt, which made the deep, blood-red of his scales seem all the sharper in contrast. Two horns protruded from each side of his temples, framing a slightly wild mane of curly brown hair that cascaded down to his shoulders (or possibly further, it was hard to tell from your place at the back of the room). His snout was the thing that most betrayed his mixed heritage, being much stubbier than that of the dragons and half-dragons you had met and blending more slightly into his rounded face rather than having a more distinct and prominent shape. Still, you thought it made his face more open and friendly which only added to his charm. He raked one four-fingered hand through his hair, knife-sharp black talons catching the stage lights, and began to speak. Despite having no actual interest in it, you found yourself hanging onto his every word, his smooth, sonorous voice as hypnotizing as his appearance.

All too soon for your liking, his speech was over, and he was walking off stage to tepid applause which quickly trailed off into an awkward silence. Quickly, someone came up and introduced the next speaker, and you let your focus drift for the rest of dinner. Following the four course, disappointingly small-portioned dinner, it was announced that there would be ninety minutes of dancing and then the evening would round out with a silent auction to raise more proceeds for the restoration project. You picked a spot in a corner and settled, leaning against the wall to wait until enough time passed to make it polite for you to leave, closing your eyes to try to enjoy the music without the distraction of too many dancers all following their own pattern of steps.

You weren’t sure how many minutes had passed when you felt a shadow move in front of you and someone cleared their throat. “Hello,” a familiar voice said.

Your eyes shot open and you stood up straighter with a jolt. Reeves was standing in front of you, smiling charmingly, sharp, pearly white fangs actually glinting in the lights of the banquet hall, and you found yourself imagining seeing that smile forever. You noticed immediately that he towered over you, and probably would have done the same to pretty much everyone in the room, but rather than intimidating you, it only made you feel more drawn to him.

“H…hi,” you squeaked, caught off-guard, and winced at the sound of your own nervousness.

“I couldn’t help but notice that you’re over here, unaccompanied and apparently disinterested in the evening’s festivities.” A claw raked through his hair as he spoke.

“Well, yeah. I mean, I’m just here because the company I work for donated a bunch of money to the project and needed to send a sacrifice…er, representative. Unlucky me.” You shrugged, trying to play it cooler than you felt.

He laughed. “If it was me in your shoes, I would have at least brought a date, try to impress them.”

“It was offered as an option, but since I have no one…”

“A handsome, unattached gentleman, hm? Well isn’t it my lucky night.”

“What?”

“Dance with me?” He held out a hand to you and you found yourself taking it.

He pulled you out onto the dance floor with a dramatic sweep before wrapping his other arm around your waist. A shiver ran up your spine at the feeling of his hand on your hip, and you hesitantly placed a hand on his shoulder. Clearly he intended to lead you, and you were content to let him. The pair of you moved in smooth, dramatic loops of the floor, not showing off but not shying away from the attention either. Neither of you seemed inclined to speak, so you took the opportunity to study him further. Up close you could see that his scales glittered in the light, as if someone had dusted over the red with a fine golden powder. His ebony horns were similarly gold-flecked.  A long tail trailed down, close to his body, and brushed the floor like the trains of many of the ladies’ dresses. As one song transitioned into another, his hand gripped your hip a little tighter, guiding your bodies closer until they almost touched, only a hair’s breadth between you.

Several songs later, he cleared his throat again.

“I’ll keep dancing like this all night,” he practically purred, leaning down to speak softly directly into your ear. “But if we’re going to do that, we should get to know each other.”

You nodded and gulped, your mouth suddenly dry and all words gone from your mind.

He chuckled. “No need to be nervous, handsome. I’m not talking about life stories. Hell, I’d be content with just your name if that’s all you wanted.”

You took a deep breath, trying to calm your racing heart and get your head back under control.

“Right, sorry,” you smiled sheepishly and introduced yourself and then trailed off into silence again.

“If you’re just trying to be polite, you can tell me and we’ll part ways. I won’t be offended.”

“No!” you both flinched at how loud your voice suddenly seemed. “It’s not that…I’m just…trying to figure out how I went from being absolutely miserable on a work assignment to dancing with the most gorgeous person in the room.”

He ducked his head, a mix of bashful and playful. “That’s twice now you’ve brought up work tonight, what is it exactly that you do? So I know what company to be grateful to for bringing us together.”

You felt your cheeks grow warm with a blush. “I work at Sanger and Durst, you know, the…” you frowned, pressing your lips together while you tried to work out a polite way to phrase what your employers did.

He raised an eyebrow. “I don’t meet many people who deal in cybernetics. And I’m a bit surprised they have an interest in preserving antiques.”

“They don’t, per se. But they’re trying to build up a bit of a better public image, so they’re dropping money on a lot of charities and sending employees to make appearances at major events.” You shrugged. “I don’t plan to work for them forever, but I’m trying to make the best of it while I’m there.”

“By going to boring charity galas you have no personal stake in?”

“They pay time and a half for it.”

He pouted dramatically. “I’m hurt you didn’t tell me that you were here because you’re secretly fascinated by the art of restoration or the history of ancient religious and magical texts.”

“Well I’m not about to lie in order to stoke the ego of a stranger.”

He dipped his head low again and his voice had taken on a distinctly husky tone when he whispered, “and what if we stopped being strangers?”

You swallowed heavily. “Well, then I’d say this evening turned out even better than I hoped.”

He smiled wolfishly at you but returned to dancing as if nothing had happened and leaving you utterly confused. Over the course of several songs, you began to notice that the pair of you had moved away from the center of the floor where you began, edging closer and closer to the exit of the hall. You raised an eyebrow at him and he winked before tilting his head upward to glance around the room. Satisfied with whatever he saw, or didn’t see perhaps, he dropped the pretense of dancing and gently tugged you through the open double doors. You followed behind as he led you around a corner and through another door. Only the light from behind you shone in, but you could tell he had led you to the coatroom, though it was mostly unused, given the warm summer night.

You opened your mouth to ask what he was doing but were cut off by him crashing his lips to yours. His hands came up to frame your face and he seemed to mold to you, backing you up until your back was pressed to the wall. Almost on reflex you pushed back as if trying to prevent even the slightest wisp from passing between your bodies. You heard a click as he pushed the door closed with his tail, plunging the room into almost complete darkness.

Your fingers tangled themselves in his hair, tugging gently. He responded by growling against your mouth and moving one hand down to your neck. Even without pressure, the roughness of the minute scales on his palm and the fingers curled around your throat caused a shiver down your spine and you groaned, parting your lips. He snatched at the opportunity you presented and quickly your kiss became a passionate battle for dominance, as much teeth and tongue as lips.

Your lungs practically screamed for air before you parted. He smirked at you, moving away from your mouth to trail down your jaw and nip at the soft skin behind your ear. Unwilling to let him be the one with all the control you rolled your hips against him to put him off guard, causing a groan that almost sounded like a growl, and then spun the pair of you so that he was the one pinned against the wall, your legs intertwined and bodies pressed impossibly tighter together. Your lips came back together and hands roamed inquisitively over each other’s bodies as if mapping every curve and plane. You gasped when you suddenly felt something else wrap around your waist, stroking your backside a few times before giving a gentle smack. You jerked away from him, startled, and he chuckled, making you realize that it was his tail.

“Reeves,” you whispered breathily. “How secure is this closet?”

“It’s another hour before anyone’s going to leave. The staff will wait until the last possible minute before sending someone to man this place. We should be alone for a while.”

“Good,” you sighed, guiding him out of his suit jacket before bringing your fingers up shakily to pull at his bowtie.

As you continued to undress him, you pressed gentle kisses to his jawline, neck, and every new inch of skin exposed by the undoing of a shirt button, marveling at the rough feeling of his scaled skin under your lips. When you pulled off his belt and moved to unzip his trousers, he made a clucking noise with is tongue and pulled you back to him.

“Oh no, handsome, I’m not about to let you expose me completely while you get to stand there fully clothed and dignified,” he teased before pinning you to the wall again and kissing you heartily.

He was far less cautious and slow when it came to undressing you than you had been with him. In fact, you were almost certain that you felt some of your shirt buttons pop as he tugged at your clothes, but you found yourself unable to care, too wrapped up in the feeling of him sucking at your pulse point and his hands travelling lower and lower down your body. When he’d gotten you down to your boxers, kicking off his own pants to match at some wholly unnoticed point, he paused. He brought his hands up to plant them on either side of your head and placed more distance between you than there had been since the moment you met.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” he asked softly. “We can stop here, no questions, if you’re not absolutely certain.”

You leaned toward him and noticed that he shifted to keep the distance between you. “I want this,” you whispered, “I want you. Do you want this too?”

“Gods above and below, yes,” he groaned. “I want you so bloody much it hurts.”

You smiled coyly. “Then take me. I’m yours, any way and every way you want.”

Evidently, that was all he needed to hear because he practically fell on you with a growl. If you thought it had been intense up until then, it was nothing compared to the feelings and sensations and ecstasy that passed between you from that point on.

All too soon, you parted to redress, knowing that your time was up and you needed to make yourselves decent and make an escape from the coat closet.

“So,” he said, passing your suit jacket to you without turning around, as if he was afraid to meet your eyes.

“So?” You questioned, letting your fingers brush the inside of his wrist as you took it from it and frowning at his resulting flinch.

“Is this the part where we walk away, never speak again?” A pin drop would have sounded like canon fire in the deafening silence that followed.

“Is that what you want?” you asked eventually, trying, and failing, to hide the hurt in your voice.

He shook his head sharply. “No. It’s not what I want at all. But to ask for what I want would be presumptuous and you wouldn’t be the first person in the world to hook up with a stranger just to liven up a boring party.”

“Reeves,” you said as you moved back over to him and slid your arms around his waist, pressing a gentle kiss to his shoulder blade through the material of his silky dress shirt.

“I think I like you a lot,” you mumbled into his back. “If nothing else, tonight made me want to get to know you better.”

“I don’t know, I think we got to know each other quite well just now,” he joked ask he turned around to face you.

You rolled your eyes. “I meant on the inside,” you held up a warning finger, “don’t say it.”

He pouted dramatically at you as you crossed over the threshold of the closet and headed back down the hall to the exit, following close behind you and twining your fingers together.

“I want to know more about you than that you’re incredibly smart and unfairly gorgeous and apparently able to find the innuendo in anything. If you’ll let me, I want to learn everything.”

He smiled brightly then. “I like the sound of that. I like it a lot. Can we start over dinner tomorrow night?”

You nodded and returned his grin with one of your own. “Perfect. Now if you’ll excuse me,” you sighed, pulling apart from him. “I have to go pace and hop around like an idiot until I can find enough signal to call an Uber back to my apartment.”

He reached out, a gentle hand curling around your wrist as you raised your phone in the air to pull you back to him and kiss you fiercely.

“Or,” he said, his lips brushing yours, “you could come home with me?”

[the-fanaddict]

I’m only going to make one (1) post about httyd3′s shortcomings because I really want to focus on the things I liked

Warning: kinda nitpicky

I really want to like it, I really do. There are so many good things, but also so many things that bothered me as well. 

Conceptually, this movie is great. It’s everything I wanted. As a book fan, I was really excited since 20 fucking 13 that the movies were gonna follow the books ending where they explain why dragons don’t exist. I got even more excited after reading the last book because Cressida set it up so that the movie could easily follow that. 

And they did, and the final speech was literally the first book’s opening narration, despite the dragons gone Hiccup and Toothless meet occasionally. Conceptionally, the books and movies have the same ending, but it wasn’t executed well. 

I love the concept of ‘what is hiccup without toothless’ because I relate to Hiccup’s anxiety. It makes sense narratively because Toothless so far in the movies that have been saving the day (especially in 2). Not to undermine what Hiccup does in the previous 2, but as Astrid said, Toothless made it easier, and I feel like Hiccup would brush away his achievements as “doing his best” or “this is nothing”, and the moment he does become confident, his plans always go awry (hoo boy especially in httyd2). 

I love the concept of Grimmel being essentially what Hiccup could’ve been if he killed Toothless. I like that we get an explanation of where did all the night furies go. 

While I’m not a fan of the Light Fury, I still felt that I would’ve liked it if it was executed well, or if they didn’t focus on it too much (kinda like Hiccstrid, which as a ship i’m really neutral on). 

But none of those concepts felt fleshed out or had much weight. 

Why the dragons are no more felt more like it was shaped as ‘Toothless leaves Hiccup for the Light Fury’ than ‘Humans don’t deserve dragons or ‘there will always be Dragon Hunters’. All Hiccup said was that ‘our world doesn’t deserve you, yet’ but never showed why. I really wish there were more lines to this part because Hiccup in the books gave this amazing speech about Dragons and Vikings and guh. 

This is where show, don’t tell is very important. I feel like they could’ve shown this better with Grimmel. Grimmel and the warlords didn’t feel threatening imo, even though he killed all the night furies. I think the story could’ve benefitted from some kind of flashback to Grimmel killing Night Furies. Not only would we possibly get a baby toothless flashback and get more of a threatening feel, it would’ve also been an interesting parallel to httyd2 when all the chieftans get killed by Drago. 

In fact, I feel like this movie is more lighthearted than httyd1. I’m okay with httyd3 not being darker than httyd2. Dean said himself it would be less dark during httyd2. It’s just that I was thinking it would be more like httyd1, simple in story, amazingly executed and pacing. In a way, I wanted it to be more like Kung Fu Panda 3, where it was more tonally similar to Kung Fu Panda 1 than the darker plot line of KFP 2. 

There were no moments that established how big the stakes are. Again, a flashback to Night Furies would’ve helped. While I like Grimmel as a villain more, Drago and the Red Death felt more threatening as antagonists. The Red Death, even when it wasn’t introduced until 2/3 of the way in, still was very threatening. She not only ate 1, but 2 dragons on screen (that poor zippleback, I still cringe).  Also, dragon big.  

We really got to see the extent of Drago’s cruelty with Eret’s brand, that one shot where that dragon that got their wings stuck in a trap, Stoick’s Death, the way he just fucking mounted Toothless afterwards, his huge ass fleet, etc. 

I was thinking there would be some fight for the Hidden World, and that Hiccup would ironically fulfill what his father told him in that flashback by sealing up the Hidden World, but Grimmel didn’t even know about it. It just existed for the dragons to eventually go to. 

I didn’t want to say this, but I think the TV series really did a disservice because even Ryker, Viggo, Krogan, and Johann felt more threatening. (Though in general I prefer them more than the movie villains because the show has more time to flesh them out). But even then the show still built up Drago as the biggest bad, so :/

Speaking of Drago, it would’ve been better if he was saved for httyd3 than introduced in httyd2. While I don’t know if httyd2 would’ve been a better movie had Valka been the antagonist, but I feel like httyd3 definitely would’ve been a better movie. It also makes me realize how much the overall plan for httyd2 and httyd3 was changed from its original structure back in 2013 or whenever Dean had the plan for the trilogy. 

I wish Dean stuck with his vision because it was a good concept instead of throwing in a new villain last minute and tossing out the one you were going to flesh out. (Though I kinda agree with Spielberg and Del Toro that fleshing out/redeeming Drago would’ve taken up a lot of screen time). 

In terms of the Light Fury, not my cup of tea. Idk, I don’t hate it, but I don’t like it either. In a way, it’s in the same boat as Hiccstrid for me. I don’t know what I’d do different to make them better other than like, scrap her and have Toothless find a pocket of Night Furies in the Hidden World ala KFP3, which would’ve been cooler and probably make just as much sense since Grimmel doesn’t know what the hidden world is. 

Speaking of Toothless, I do kinda agree with some people saying that Toothless didn’t seem to care much about Hiccup as much as Hiccup did for Toothless. It’s there, but once again, it needs to be fleshed or have some more subtle moments. HTTYD2 did a great job with this even though most of httyd2 wasn’t even Hictooth focused. 

But Overall, the more I think about it the more I realize it could’ve been done better with some tweaking with pacing. Not that the scenes we have feel long, but like pacing in terms of prioritizing what needs to fleshed out. I think they focused on the wrong things. The Light Fury, for one, and also the Gang. As much as I love the focus they got (RUFFNUT IS QUEEN), I think it really did a disservice to the plot. 

Anyways that’s all I’m going to talk about in terms of what I dislike. I’m going to focus on what I like and reminis on this whole trilogy, because hey. It’s over. A significant part of my childhood/teenhood (because I discovered this series when I was 14) is over and I’m not going to hang up on last leg of this series just because it wasn’t 100 percent how I envisioned it. 

[tisfan]

Hook, Line, and Sinker

Title: Hook, Line, and Sinker by @tisfan Link: AO3 Square Filled: R3 - dares/bets Ship: Bucky/Tony, Tony & Rhodey Rating: teen Major Tags: hangover, broship, rhodey is a good bro, dares/bets, blind date, sort of, pre-slash Summary: Tony woke up with a hangover and someone’s phone number. Rhodey doesn’t quite believe it. With Tony’s prize Shelby on the line...  Word Count: 1,885 Created for @tonystarkbingo

A/n: This is the sequel to this February’s Candy Hearts ficlet, Pick-up lines, but the story is self-contained. A requested and tipped fic for @unreliableunseelie

Tony woke up with a head full of cotton batting, a mouth full of dragon shit, and a memory of the previous evening that was entirely lacking.

He managed to roll over, away from the very annoying beam of light -- light, hah, felt more like a brain-destroying laser -- that was flooding his room, at the expense of everything left over in his stomach rebelling. “Oh, god,” he said, and then sprinted for the bathroom.

Okay, sprint was pushing it. Ambled with purpose and direction.

Whatever he’d eaten had probably tasted better on the way down, but since Tony couldn’t remember anything after he and Rhodey hit the third bar, he couldn’t guarantee it. He was just trying to find a bar that had the right ambiance.

He wasn’t sure he’d managed it.

He bid farewell to his late night snack, flushed, rinsed his mouth, spit. Used the bathroom for its other purpose, flushed again.

Considered taking a shower.

Considered not taking a shower.

Honestly, his sadiversary was getting to be old news, and he was too old to be acting like that anymore anyway.

He wasn’t even sure he really missed Steve anymore.

Did he?

He didn’t. Tony decided that, firmly. He did not miss Steve, that wasn’t going to happen anymore.

He tried to remember if he’d decided that last year, too.

Maybe he could go for a big party, his five year sadiversary next year, and then, it could all be over, over, over.

“Or you could just stop,” Tony told his reflection.

Shower.

He could do it.

Not mourning his failed relationships any longer.

He could do that, too.

Tony emptied his pockets; he’d apparently just rolled into bed, since the only thing he was missing from his outfit were his shoes and tie. And god only knew, he might have thrown the tie out last night. He’d been known to do that sort of thing before.

“New man,” he told his reflection. “New life.”

Wallet. Keys. Phone.

Cocktail napkin.

Cocktail napkin?

There were digits on a cocktail napkin. In his pocket.

“Jarvis, call Rhodey,” he told his phone. His phone did its thing while Tony finished getting undressed. “Speaker.”

“There’s coffee already prepped for you downstairs, no you didn’t puke last night before I left,” Rhodey said as soon as he picked up. “Your car is fine, we left it at the garage, and as far as I know, there are no warrants out for your arrest.”

“Thank you for that cheerful morning report,” Tony said. He turned the shower on and shivered as the water didn’t insta-heat and the first blast was cold over his forearm and hand.

“Seems like what you’d want to know,” Rhodey said. “How’s the hangover?”

“I think it’s been worse,” Tony said, stepping into the spray. It was still not as warm as he wanted it to be, so he turned it up some while he waited, cringing all the way in the back of the shower, away from the cold.

Which was stupid, because thirty seconds later it was way too hot and he had to reach through it to turn it down. He should get on the set-my-preferences shower system that would just… chime when it was ready. Like a microwave.

Except, you know, nothing like an actual microwave, because those were dangerous, even on short term exposure.

“You were doing okay, last night,” Rhodey said. “With the drinking. But then you decided to play bertie botts every flavor ice cream last night with some ridiculous little ice cream shop that’s open twenty-four seven and what the hell man, I could not keep you from eating chocolate and jalapeno ice cream at three in the morning.”

“Well, that explains my rude awakening,” Tony said. He considered that for a moment. “Did I say it was good? I mean, it sounds kinda awful, but also intriguing.”

“I didn’t eat it,” Rhodey said. “And I don’t lick another man’s ice cream cone, that’s just wrong. Especially when it’s yours.”

“So what kind did you have?”

“Maple Bacon with Jack Daniels,” Rhodey said without a hint of shame.

“Where’s this ice cream shop again? I think I’d like to go there when I’m sober.”

“We can make that happen, Tones.”

“Great,” Tony said. He filled his luffa with shower gel and was instantly drowning in some vaguely outdoorsy scented soap. “So, tell me, did I score last night?”

“You certainly did not,” Rhodey said.

“Really? Cause I got digits here that say otherwise.”

“That is a fake number, that guy totally did not give you his real number, you were being a total drunken asshole, flirting with some bar-bum. Like the worst lines ever. I wouldn’t date you with those lines.”

“Rhodey, you’ve known me since I was fifteen. I’m pretty sure if you were going to date me, you’d have said something about it by now. Fake number, huh?”

“You don’t remember?”

“I don’t even remember the ice cream, much less flirting,” Tony said.

“Oh, well… too bad. You two totally played tonsil hockey for a while,” Rhodey said.

“I thought you said it was a fake number,” Tony said. He rubbed shampoo into his hair. “So, if we were necking, that seems to counter the theory that it’s fake.”

“It was a pity kiss,” Rhodey said.

“Nobody gives pity kisses,” Tony scoffed. “And even if they did, no one would pity kiss me. I mean, I’m… good looking. Mostly.” He rinsed his hair, let the shower water run down his head for a while. Maybe he could drown in the shower, that might cure the hangover. Of course, it would mean drowning, and that just sounded uncomfortable. Not to mention, the whole being naked and dead thing. Would he even care about his image if he was dead, or would he be too dead to care?

Tony shook his head, which was a mistake.

“Don’t even try that false modesty bullshit, Tony,” Rhodey said. “You know you’re the thing. Mr. Thing, Mr. Third most Eligible.”

“Yeah, I never liked that shit, brings the gold diggers out in full force. One of these days, I’d like someone to like me for… you know. Me.”

“Yeah, Tones, what’s not to like about you?”

“I hear that sarcasm,” Tony said. “And you’re hurting me here, sourpatch. I am hurt. Like, there might be actual tears and everything.”

“Look,” Rhodey said, “you and that guy, you were on the same page last night, but I’m telling you, you were reading totally different books.”

“I’m gonna call him,” Tony said.

Rhodey scoffed. “No, you’re not.”

“I am.” He wasn’t.

“I bet you it’s a false number.”

“Bet you it isn’t.”

“Oh, it’s on, Tones,” Rhodey said. “A hundred dollars says it’s a fake.”

“Five hundred,” Tony said, “verses --” he paused, trying to think of something Rhodey actually wanted that Tony might feel bad about giving him. There wasn’t much; usually Rhodey wouldn’t let Tony give him gifts, not like expensive, real ones, at any rate. And Pepper kept boycotting his idea of buying Rhode Island and renaming it. She said it wasn’t a good tax write off. Spoilsport.

“The Shelby.”

“Wo-- my car?”

“Tony, you have like seventy cars. But I like that one.”

“Deal. I’ll take my winnings in cash, no trade value,” Tony said. “Jarvis, end call.”

Tony got out of the shower and toweled off. Less vigorously than normal because see previously mentioned: hung over. Got his bathrobe and made his way to the kitchen. Punched the button on his coffee machine.

Considered the cocktail napkin and his phone.

Drank his coffee.

Dialed the number.

“Mmmphs?” a voice said, a male voice, even, so Tony figured he might be getting somewhere. “If this isn’t an insanely good looking guy, I’m hanging up.”

“Well, you’re in luck today,” Tony said.

“Do I know you?” the voice wondered. “Because really, I don’t think I made friends with people who were cheerful at… ug… it’s not even nine in the morning, what kind of masochist are you, it’s Saturday.”

Already, a man after my own heart. “Um, this is probably going to sound weird, but uh… did you give your number to anyone last night?”

There was a very long pause and Tony might have thought that the person hung up, except he could hear breathing.

“Yessss,” the man said, tentatively. “If you’re a friend of Sammie’s though, and this is a joke, you let that half-assed--”

“Not a joke--” Tony protested. “I found a cocktail napkin in my pocket, and I was wondering…” Wondering what, actually. If he was the guy from last night, if they’d had a good time, if it was a nice kiss, what’s your name, what do you look like… “would you like to have an ice cream with me. Today?”

“Wha---?” The guy asked. “Are you seriously asking me on an ice cream date after a ten minute conversation in a bar?”

“Why not?” Might as well roll with it, now that he’d gotten started. “Just, no strings or anything, no nothing. Just ice cream and a little get to know you. What, coffee dates are lame, everyone does coffee dates. I drink so much coffee that it’s like having a date at the corner water cooler.”

“Yeah, okay,” the guy said. “Ice cream date. Sure, why not?”

“Okay, so… four o’clock? Um… I’ll, um, text you the address? And… I might have had beer goggles on last night, so, text me back a picture? Just to make sure, because I’m pretty sure the conversation was with an angel, or a model or something.” Tony didn’t actually remember the guy at all, but a little flattery. And he’d win his bet… right? He could part with the car if the picture was scary. Hell, even if the picture wasn’t scary, he owed the guy for letting him know what Rhodey wanted for his next present.

“Sure,” the guy said. “I’ll… uh, see you at four, then.”

“Yep!”

Fortunately, typing in maple bacon jack daniels ice cream in his search engine got him the address for the ice cream shop. He texted his date -- who… had a name. And it was probably a boy’s name, too, except Tony didn’t know it. Fuck.

Then he texted Rhodey: Got a date. Four o’clock. Ice cream shop. Cash only!

A few seconds later, he texted again. Or, if he happened to tell me his name last night and you remember it, I’ll forgive you for betting against me.

New Text From Rhodey: Bucky Barnes.

Tony stared at the screen for a long moment. Then. You’re forgiven for thinking it was a fake number because I’m not sure that’s a real name.

New text from unknown number: Selfie from the gym a few weeks ago.

Attached was a picture of a guy wearing a baseball hat and workout clothes, scowling fiercely and pulling up his shirt to reveal ridiculously sculpted abs.

Tony stared.

“You’d think I’d remember him,” he said wistfully.

Texted back See you at Four.

New text from unknown number: looking forward to it. My first ice cream date since high school.

Tony texted Rhodey again, attaching the picture.

Cash. Only. I lied. You are totally not forgiven. 

[jchb32273]

Fictober Day 16 - This is gonna be so much fun!

Rating: T

Fandoms: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types

Relationship: Alistair/Cullen Rutherford

Characters: Alistair (Dragon Age), Cullen Rutherford

Additional Tags: Fictober, Short One Shot, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - College/University, Male Friendship, Road Trips, Camping, Mild Language, Epilogue

Published:2018-10-16 Words:3664 Chapters:1/1

Find story here on AO3

Camping Chaos

“I can’t believe you dragged me into this,” Cullen grumbled, as Alistair’s sports car roared down the Imperial Highway. “I have four term papers due in three weeks. I should be at the university library right now, doing my research!”

“Oh, come on Curly!” Cullen scowled at Alistair. He hated that nickname. Alistair, all smiles, continued on unawares. “This is gonna to be so much fun! The two of us haven’t done anything together for such a long time. We may live together in the same apartment, but it seems like we pass each other by in a blur most days. I'm focusing on my Business major and you’ve been cooped up in the science lab or library for weeks now! Time for some fresh air, buddy!”

“An eight-hour drive from Denerim to the boondocks of Lake Calenhad… all for a camping trip. You know I’m not a fan of the outdoors,” Cullen sighed. “And can you please turn down that blaring rock noise you insist on listening to? Frankly, it gives me a headache.”

Alistair obliged and turned the radio down. “I thought you science majors loved the outdoors. Collecting new samples and specimens? Surely there will be something for you to study out by the lake.”

“Alistair, I switched my major last year. I decided on Biochemistry rather than Environmental Sciences. It was more challenging for me. I’ll be spending most of my time in the lab… if I can get into the Master's program at our school. They only take six students a year. That is why I need top grades! That is why my term papers are so important!”

“Dude, you’re in the top ten. How much higher does your GPA need to be?”

“Very high. The competition is fierce. I need that scholarship to help cover the cost of the program.” Cullen ran a hand through his mussed hair. Having the top down in this sports car also annoyed him. But no matter how much he griped about it… “Money is tight for me. My part-time job pays next to nothing, you know.”

Alistair was silent for several minutes, then said, “I could talk to my father…”

“No! I’ve told you, I don’t want a handout!” Cullen sighed at the hurt look on Alistair’s face. He still wondered – even after all these years – how the heir to one of the richest families and owners of the largest business in Ferelden ended up becoming friends with a poor farm kid from Honnleath. “It’s not that I don’t appreciate the offer, but I don’t want to be obligated to anyone. Especially not my best friend and his family.”

Alistair gave his friend a half-smile. “I understand, I do, buddy. Let’s just focus on de-stressing you for a few days!” he trailed off in silence and a moment later turned the radio back up as Tom Petty came on. “Love this song,” he said and then began to sing along to it. “Runnin’ down a dream…”

Cullen chuckled slightly. Alistair was right. He had been under a lot of stress lately, having deleted the last two versions of the paper he had been trying to write for a week already. Alistair knew fun. Maybe a few days off at the Theirins hunting lodge would help him refocus. “So what all do you have planned for us then?” he asked.

“Oh?” Alistair turned the radio down again. “Finally decided to come around, buddy? That’s great! Just two dudes roughing it! I packed us some fishing rods so we can catch our own dinner! There are some canoes, so we can paddle around the lake, and go swimming too! I did also pack some beers in the cooler. We’ll have a blast!”

“Did you pack the essentials, besides beer? I mean, you do have some backup food, should we fail to catch any fish, yes?”

“Oh, of course!” Alistair grinned. “I packed marshmallows, chocolate, and graham crackers for us to make s’mores. Pretty sure I also grabbed a few bags of chips too.”

Cullen stared at his friend. “That’s it? Chips, sweets, and beer?” he put a hand to his head. “I hope you know how to fish then. I’ve never fished once in my life…”

“How hard can it be? Put a worm on the hook and drop the line in the water! We’ll figure it out!” Alistair’s enthusiasm just couldn’t be dampened. “I’m sure we’ll also find some berries in the woods too!”

“Maker preserve me…” Cullen mumbled. “I hope you didn’t forget the sunscreen. I’ll burn if I stay in the sun too long.”

“Is that why you’re wearing a long-sleeve shirt and pants in this weather? Don’t worry, it’s packed,” Alistair said. At least, I think I packed it… “You needn’t worry, pal. Kinloch College isn’t too far off from the cabin, so if we run into any trouble – which we won’t – help will be available. Just trust me, okay?”

“Did you say Kinloch College? Isn’t that the magic college?”

“Yep.”

“Uh-huh,” Cullen said softly.

“Did I also mention it’s an all-girls school too?” Alistair winked and nudged his friend. “Maybe we'll meet some cute girls while out there!”

“All-girls?” Cullen’s eyebrows raised. “Since when?”

“About two years ago, I think.”

“They don’t teach magic to men anymore?”

“Of course they do! They just moved that to a school up in the Free Marches.”

“Why the segregation?”

Alistair shrugged. “I don’t know. Never asked.”

A few more moments passed in silence with only the radio and the hum of the tires on the highway providing any noise. “How much further to this cabin then?” Cullen finally asked.

“I figure we’ll get there in about an hour.”

“That’s good.” Just then, Lynyrd Skynyrd’s ‘Call Me the Breeze’ came on the radio. “Well, this song I like at least,” Cullen smiled and hummed along.

Alistair grinned again and sang along with his friend.

“Well now, they call me the breeze

I keep blowin' down the road

Well now, they call me the breeze

I keep blowin' down the road

I ain't got me nobody

I don't carry me no load

Ooh, Mr. Breeze…”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

“We’re here!”Alistair called out cheerily.

Cullen had dozed off during the last half hour of the drive and Alistair’s cheery voice woke him up. He opened his eyes, rubbed them, and grabbed his glasses off the dashboard to put them on. He was eager to see the nice hunting lodge he knew Alistair’s father owned.

What he saw instead made him do a double-take.

Cullen was stunned that the ramshackle cabin even still stood.

“This is where we are staying?”

“Yep!”

“This isn’t… a joke. Is it?” Just whose cabin was this? Surely this can’t belong to the Theirins!

“No.” Alistair looked momentarily confused. “No joke.” Then he smiled. “Oh, you thought we were going to stay at my dad’s hunting lodge? Naw, that’s in the Frostbacks. This old cabin belongs to my Uncle Teagan. Before he made his fortune he lived the single bachelor’s life out here. Roughing it! Just like we will!”

“But Teagan isn’t really your uncle, right?”

“I know. He’s actually my half-brother Cailan’s uncle. But I’ve always called him that too, so…” Alistair shrugged and unlocked the trunk of the car. “Anyways, let’s get unpacked! I want to get out on that lake and catch some fish for dinner!” He grabbed the cooler out of the trunk and placed it on the ground near the car. He then pulled out two brown paper bags with the other food and put them next to the cooler. Then he headed to the door of the so-called cabin and unlocked the front door.

Cullen sighed. No electricity, meaning he wouldn’t be able to charge his laptop. He’d hoped to maybe get a little work done even while “roughing it”. He knew it would be rude (and not very prudent) to try and charge it off of the car battery. No lights also meant the few books he’d packed to read could only be read by daylight and he knew Alistair wouldn’t let him sequester himself during the day to read! Off in the distance, he saw an even smaller leaning building with a distinctive crescent moon in the wooden door… Oh Maker, no! An outhouse?!

No running water? He never considered himself a vain man, but still took immaculate care of himself with a nightly shower and grooming routine. Now all of that was left by the wayside. What in Thedas have I been roped into?

Alistair came back to the car to grab his duffel bag. “Why are you still just standing there! Come on and grab your stuff! Daylight’s wasting!”

Cullen groaned. I suppose it’s too late to back out now. I’m kind of stuck here… and I don’t want to ruin this for my best friend. I might as well see if there is anything that can be salvaged out of this excursion! He grabbed his own bag and slowly headed over to the cabin.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

However, once inside the cabin, Cullen’s hopes diminished further. Dust was caked everywhere and there were thick cobwebs in every corner of the cabin.

Alistair walked up and thumped him on the back. “Isn’t it great?!”

“Ah, not to dampen your enthusiasm… but when was this place last cleaned?”

Alistair looked around. “Yeah, I suppose it does need a good sweeping. Teagan hasn’t stayed here in years.”

Sweeping? More like scouring. Cullen ran a finger along the sole table in the room. It came back black with dirt. He frowned. “We should get that done first.”

“What about the fishing? Shouldn’t we try and catch something?”

“Look, I’m all for that, as I am hungry,” Cullen said with a slight smirk. “But I really think we need to get this place somewhat… habitable?” He looked around the small one bedroom cabin. “Any idea if your uncle left any cleaning supplies?”

“There’s a shed in the back,” Alistair replied. “Maybe there will be some brooms and stuff there?”

“I’ll go look.” Cullen left the cabin and walked around it to the back. There was a shed there, but it was padlocked. Cullen examined it closely. Rusty. Perhaps I can break it off? He spied an axe sticking out of a nearby stump. He picked up the axe and hefted it, testing its weight. Then he walked back over to the shed. Lining himself up properly, he brought the axe up and swung it down hard. The rusty lock shattered and the door to the shed swung open. He grinned… but only for a moment. A distinctive black and white furred critter ambled out of the shed. It hissed at the intrusion the tall human had caused to its home, turned, and started raising its fluffy tail.

Cullen gulped and quickly dropped the axe. He turned and hightailed it back to the cabin as quickly as he could.

He burst in the door and then slammed it shut, startling Alistair and several spiders. Cullen then peered out the side window. He could see the skunk was wandering around, then it disappeared behind the cabin again. He heaved a sigh.

“What,” Alistair blinked at his friend, “in Thedas just happened? You look like you’ve seen an abomination.”

“Worse.” Cullen sniffed his clothes. Thank the Maker! No stench. “Skunk.”

Alistair burst out laughing.

“It’s not funny,” Cullen growled. “I’m just lucky it didn’t spray me.”

“Well, it’s a little funny.” Alistair smiled, even as Cullen still frowned. “Point is, you didn’t get hit. Let’s just get our trunks on and go for a little swim. Now that we’re here, making noise, and whatnot, it’ll probably decide to move on. We can check the shed later for supplies. Okay?”

“I suppose you have a point there,” Cullen said and nodded. “Fine, I guess a short swim won’t hurt for now.” He nodded towards the sole bedroom. “Can I go in there to change?”

“Sure, pal. I’ll just change out here.” Alistair unzipped his duffel and pulled out his swim trunks. Cullen did the same and then went into the bedroom.

The bedroom was no better than the rest of the cabin. One lone bed sat in the middle of the room. The frame was rusty and the mattress had definitely seen better days; dust covering it in a thick layer and springs poking out in a few places. Cullen rolled his eyes. Where in the void does he think we’re going to sleep, Cullen wondered. I think my weight alone would cause this bed to collapse!

He pulled off his shirt, jeans, and boxer briefs. Then he slipped on his swimwear. He then folded his clothes neatly and brought them back out of the room. He placed them back in his bag, then zipped it shut. Facing Alistair he then asked, “Sunscreen?”

Alistair looked at Cullen sheepishly. “I’m sorry, I guess I did forget it. But we can still swim without it, right? Wouldn’t it have just washed off in the water?”

Cullen sighed for what must’ve been the umpteenth time. “Fine, I suppose. I just won’t stay out as long.”

“I really am sorry, pal. I know you had everything lined up on our apartment table to pack…”

“I said it’s fine.” Cullen put an arm on Alistair to reassure him. “Let’s just go out and have a little fun. The sun will be setting soon and then the lake will be too cold.”

“All right.”

They left the cabin and carefully shut the door. At the rickety dock they both slipped off their shoes and socks, then they jumped into the water. Cullen swam out a ways then came up for air. He shook the water out of his hair and then looked for Alistair. His friend was nowhere nearby.

“Alistair?” Cullen called out.

Just then, something grabbed Cullen’s legs and yanked him underwater!

Panicking and kicking, he quickly managed to get back to the surface of the water… to see Alistair floating nearby and laughing.

“The look on your face was priceless!” Alistair guffawed.

“You. Are. Going. To. Pay. For. That!” Cullen growled but grinned at his friend at the same time. He then tackled Alistair and the two of them floundered in the water, splashing and dunking each other.

About fifteen minutes later, Cullen said, “I think we need to get out now, dry off, and see if we can get into that shed to get the cabin cleaned up a bit. Yes?”

Alistair was floating on his back in the water nearby. “Sure, I guess so. Race you back?”

“Sure.”

“Ready? Onetwothree GO!” Alistair called out and quickly launched himself ahead.

“Oy! Cheater!” Cullen called out. Then he swam as quickly as he could. He ended up tagging the dock at the same time as his friend, despite Alistair’s head start. Laughing, the both clambered out of the water, grabbed their towels and dried off. Then Cullen slipped his shoes back on.

“Let me go grab the chips and some beers out of the… cooler.” Alistair started but trailed off.

“What?” Cullen laughed at first, then saw what made Alistair pause.

A large black bear had wandered into the clearing by the cabin. It stood between the men and the cabin. Just then another bear came. It walked over to where the cooler sat.

Bear number one turned and faced the two men. It stood up on its hind legs and roared.

“Shit!” Cullen whispered. “No sudden moves, Alistair!”

But Alistair was already running to the nearest tree. He launched himself off the ground with a mighty jump and grabbed the branch above him. He just managed to pull himself up and out of harm's way just as the bear reached the tree.

Cullen breathed a sigh of relief, but only for a moment. Now the bear turned to face him. He gulped, quickly glanced around, found another tree and dashed for it. He too, just made it to safety as the bear tried to swipe at him.

The bear growled and then left. It joined its companion and while bear two nosed at the cooler, bear one tore into the paper bags that held what little food Alistair had packed.

It didn’t take them long to devour or destroy the foodstuffs. Then bear number two got the cooler opened and while it ate some of the ice, it couldn’t do anything about the strange glass bottles it had dug out of the hard box. It swatted them around, busting them open and leaving shards of broken glass on the ground near the cooler. Then it sniffed the contents of the spilled liquid. Not liking what it smelled, it ambled off. Bear one also left shortly thereafter.

Cullen and Alistair let another ten minutes or so pass before they both climbed out of the trees.

“Well, this is just fucking terrific!” Cullen snarled. “Why didn’t you put the cooler and the food in the cabin, Alistair!”

“Hey! How was I supposed to predict bears were going to show up!” Alistair shouted back. “I’m not psychic!”

“And I suppose that if I go check the car, I'll find that you probably also forgot to pack the fishing poles too, huh?” Cullen bent down and picked up some of the broken glass. “Let’s face it, this whole stupid trip was a waste of my time! I should have just stayed in Denerim and worked on my papers!”

“Is that how you really feel?” Alistair asked quietly. “Am I a waste of your time too now, Cullen?”

“Yes!” Cullen shouted before he realized what he had responded to. The pained look on Alistair’s face quickly made him realize what an ass he was being. His anger quickly cooled. “I mean… no! No, you are not a waste of my time. Maker’s Breath, Alistair. I… I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that.”

Alistair was silent for a long time. Then he said, “Maybe we… should go back. To Denerim. I,” he swallowed painfully. “I think it’s clear, we are just two different people now. I’ll…” He hesitated again. “I’ll move out when we get back.”

Cullen ran up to where his friend was. “Alistair, no. Please. Don’t do this. I… I wouldn’t be who I am today without your friendship and support over the years. I am sorry I said what I did. I-I have just been under an enormous amount of stress. You planned this whole thing to try and help me relax for Maker’s sake! And you know what?”

Alistair looked up at Cullen. “What?”

“Despite the ramshackle cabin, the outhouse, the filth, the skunk, and the bears, I was actually starting to relax and have some fun.” He gave a lopsided smile at his friend. “I have you to thank for that!”

“Really?” Alistair glanced at his friend, hope springing back to his eyes. “What about all of your complaints?”

Cullen snorted. “You should know well enough by now that is just how I’ve always been!”

Alistair smiled slightly. “Well, I suppose that is true.”

“You are a great guy and a fun-loving friend,” Cullen grinned. “I’ve always liked that about you.”

“And you’ve always been serious enough for the both of us!”

“Now that is an understatement!” Cullen laughed.

“So… Now what?” Alistair smiled and shrugged. “Guess our camping excursion is a bust.”

“I say we go back into that cabin, get dressed, then throw our bags back into your car and drive to the nearest town. We get a hotel, then go out and have some fun! Eat, drink, and have a blast! I don’t need to be back in Denerim for at least four days.”

“You know,” Alistair grinned wide. “I like the sound of that! Let’s go!”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

After they finished getting dressed, they left the rickety cabin. They stowed their duffels in the trunk of the car. While Cullen examined to see if the cooler could at least be salvaged, Alistair walked back over to the cabin in the waning light of day.

“Frankly, I don’t know what I was thinking when I thought we could stay here. I say good riddance!” He kicked one of the posts that supported the front porch, then turned and started walking away.

All of a sudden both men heard a loud creak. They looked up.

There was a long groan.

And then a deafening snap as the post broke in two. With that, the cabin completely lost all structural support and it collapsed in on itself.

Both Alistair and Cullen stared in shock as the dust settled around the remains of the cabin. Then they both burst out laughing.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

After their fun mini vacation, Cullen and Alistair headed back to Denerim. Cullen finished all his papers with plenty of time to spare.

He did get into the Master’s Program with a full scholarship. Alistair ended up working for his father; the two of them still sharing an apartment for a time.

Eventually, Alistair met and married a young woman. He moved out of the apartment.

Cullen was lonely living by himself but threw himself into his studies. Alistair and his wife visited when they could.

After graduating with full honors, Cullen decided to take a year off before pursuing his doctorate.

He, Alistair, and Alistair’s wife all headed back to the spot on Lake Calenhad where the cabin had once stood. The three of them decided to rebuild it.

During that year, Alistair’s wife introduced Cullen to her cousin. They hit it off immediately.

That following year, there was much to celebrate.

There was a marriage.

There was a new baby.

And as both happy young couples stood together on the shore of Lake Calenhad to admire their brand new two-story vacation cabin, Cullen and Alistair both glanced at each other, reminiscing about how it had all begun… by a botched camping trip!

[brandxspandex]

Thor: Ragnarok review of sorts

So I just went to see Thor: Ragnarok for a second time and I think that I’ve collated my thoughts enough to give an overview of my opinions on it. Under the cut because this got really long…

Firstly, what I didn’t like about it:

I wasn’t crazy about the way they killed off the Warriors Three with so little ceremony, especially Volstagg and Fandral (Hogun’s death was a bit better). Volstagg in particular is a pretty major and beloved character in the Thor mythos so to see him done away with like that was unpleasant. It’s made even worse by the fact that The Dark World implied that MCU Volstagg has a family with a bunch of little children like 616 Volstagg does.

I similarly didn’t like the way they wrote off Thor’s relationship with Jane Foster with the same casual disregard. I didn’t even like the Thor/Jane plotline and kinda wished they’d never taken that particular path in the first place, but it really irks me when a story sets up a particular relationship or character or plotline or whatever as important and something we should be emotionally invested in, and then proceeds to write it off as though it never mattered. It weakens my trust in the narrative, as it makes me wonder why I should get invested in anything else it pushes me to care about, if there’s a chance it’s just gonna act like it was never important later on. Plus, even if I personally may not have particularly cared, it makes me feel bad for people who did. Sure, more often than not people’s ships don’t work out in canon, and you just have to live with it, but it’s a whole other level of insult to have your ship just tossed away as though it never meant anything. Contrast this with how they dealt with Bruce/Natasha in the movie; I don’t really care for that pairing whatsoever, but I’m still glad they acknowledged it in a way that was consistent with the way it was presented in Age of Ultron. Ultimately, while certain relationships don’t do it for me and I personally think they drag down the narrative, I think that if they’re going to be done away with, it should be nonetheless done in a manner that is respectful to way the relationships have been presented up to that point.

While I enjoyed Hela, as I will expand upon a little further on, I couldn’t help but feel somewhat underwhelmed by her character, knowing how much cooler the comic book character she’s based on is. As keen as I was for Hela, I knew that there was no way they were going to manage to make her as interesting as her 616 counterpart, but I nonetheless hoped they’d chuck in some little reference to the clusterfuck of factors that make her so fascinating in the comics, but there wasn’t really anything like that. On that note, I was hoping that there would be some interesting Hela and Loki interaction, given they have such a major relationship in the comics (not to mention the connection between their mythological counterparts), but they barely interacted at all. I was also really hoping that Hela was going to survive in order to act as a substitute for Mistress Death and Thanos’s object of obsession, and whilst that still isn’t completely off the table, it honestly didn’t feel like they were setting that up after all. Still, I can hope.

On a more minor note, I was a bit irked that the after-credits scene from Doctor Strange ended up being a scene in the film. It felt a bit like being retroactively robbed of an after-credits scene since there is no longer any point in watching it on its own at the end of Doctor Strange.

As for the things I was more ambivalent about:

I had mixed feelings about the humour in the film. On one hand, I love comedy and levity, especially when it is mixed with other genres I’m into. In fact, the humour that runs through the MCU is a big part of why I love it so much. On the other hand, when the humour of an established setting is suddenly amped up, particularly when it smacks of a very particular (and new) style of comedy as it did in this film, it can feel rather discombobulating, almost like the rules of that universe have spontaneously shifted to make this string of funny things happen. So while I found the humour in the film to be a lot of fun, I did feel that sense of discombobulation.

On a related note, Thor’s characterisation in particular felt like it shifted quite a bit to fit the style of humour in the film. I enjoyed his characterisation, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that it was quite the break from how he acted in previous films. I guess I’d have to watch this movie back to back with some of the previous ones to determine whether or not this is a valid feeling. It is something that does seem to happen quite a bit, I find; certain creators have a very particular way of handling characterisation that causes a lot of characters to take on a certain…tone, when they are written by said creator. I got the sense that was going on in this film.

I’m not sure how to feel about the destruction of Mjolnir. On one hand it was a bold move, but on the other it takes away the most iconic thing about Thor.

They didn’t show Thor and Loki hugging at the end, and while I’m sort of outraged, I also have to wonder if cutting away actually made it all the more impactful, but I guess we’ll never know for sure.

Things I thoroughly enjoyed about the film:

While I found Hela’s overall character rather underwhelming, I certainly can’t fault the stunning way she looked or the overwhelming amount of swag she simply radiated; it was glorious. I would have liked to have it wrapped around a more interesting backstory and/or character motivation, but I can at least relish this shining beacon of sassy goth villainy.

It is also good to know that Hela is at least still a dog person in the MCU, and Fenrir was a very fine example a death goddess’s best friend.

How fricking cool was that seemingly ROCKET POWERED DRAGON at the beginning???

I found myself endeared to Valkyrie the moment she drunkenly staggered off the walkway of her spaceship and then proceeded to mow down a gaggle of scavengers with gauntlets that controlled her ship’s turrets. It was a good first impression.

Both the Hulk and Bruce Banner were fabulous, funny inclusions in the movie, and I really enjoyed their interactions with both Thor and Valkyrie. Honestly, if either Bruce or Valkyrie end up romantically involved with anyone, I think I’d most prefer for it to be with one another.

Doctor Strange was also a fun inclusion from start to end.

I also loved how Thor had Mjolnir disguised as an umbrella during those Earth-bound scenes, in reference to the old comics where it would transform into a walking stick. They even had the detail where he taps it against the ground to transform into his Asgardian garb.

The Grandmaster (and his fricking orgy ship) was just a whole lot of fun.

As was that bloody Kiwi space rock (and his ant friend)…but let’s be real, the mere existence of New Zealand is funny in itself.

While the revelations about Odin and the royal family weren’t explored nearly enough for my liking, they certainly provided a goldmine of worldbuilding and fanfiction possibilities for fandom to play with.

Finally, the things about the movie that I loved:

When I first became invested in the MCU one of my favourite things about it was the bond that formed between Bruce Banner and Tony Stark in The Avengers, so I felt a bit bummed by some of the more recent films in which that relationship seemed to fall to the wayside. Therefore, the way Bruce kept mentioning Tony in this film, even if they were little, incidental mentions, made me very, very happy. I really hope this means their relationship hasn’t been forgotten after all.

Personally I was never truly convinced that Loki killed Odin at the end of The Dark World, but I was very glad to have it confirmed that Loki just dumped him on Earth. Loki’s desperate love for Odin was the thing that ultimately won me over to his character in the first place, and I think that would have been ruined for me if it turned out that he had killed him. I think the way the movie dealt with Odin overall was pretty spot on actually; it introduced the darker elements of his character that have been apparent in the comics for some time, but kept his characterisation nonetheless consist with how he was portrayed in the former films. I was quite satisfied with how his arc played out.

Out of all the characters in the movie, I feel like the tone suited Loki the best. After all, it makes sense that a god of mischief would be at home in a bizarro comedy. Whilst I felt that a number of the other characters had shifted their behaviour slightly to suit the film’s comedic tone, Loki’s characterisation felt completely natural to me. Now that I think about it, I think Loki’s been growing progressively funnier over the course of each movie he pops up in, which is great since he absolutely should be funny. Don’t get me wrong, I loved angsty little Loki from the first Thor movie, but he really needs to have a solid dose of mischief served up alongside all that angst. Honestly, what are the more quintessential ingredients of Loki than angst and mischief? I feel as though that scene of Loki masquerading as a suspiciously fruity Odin, building statues of himself and watching dramatic theatre about his life would seem like absurd Flanderization for most other characters, but for Loki it felt as though he was finally becoming the character he was always meant to be.

I furthermore loved the character arc Loki undertook in this film; it felt like a really organic progression from his character growth in The Dark World. What really got me was that scene where Thor tells Loki that although he refuses to change, he could be more, because if that isn’t a Journey into Mystery/Agent of Asgard reference then it’s a hell of a coincidence.

On that note, Thor and Loki’s interactions were wonderful; a fantastic blend of funny and heartfelt, antagonistic and cooperative. Basically their relationship in this film was everything I want to see from their comic counterparts that Marvel keeps refusing to show me goddammit.

I loved the unique aesthetic of the film both visually and aurally; such a cool combination of the high fantasy thing the other two Thor films had going on and the synthy, 80s Kirby-esque sci-fi element that they introduced. Seriously, what other movie looks and sounds like this one does?

Admittedly I’m only really familiar with 616 Skurge from the Walter Simonson 80s run, in which he doesn’t have that many appearances, but of course it does contain his most notable appearance, and I loved the way they adapted that into the film. It might even be my favourite scene in the movie. Skurge’s whole character arc was really the cherry on top of this film for me.

LOOP ZOOP

But fricking seriously how the hell did we get to the third movie in a Thor movie trilogy and only now they’re playing Immigrant Song?

I did not see that twist on the Ragnarok thing coming and honestly I was pretty impressed by it; I especially liked how they subverted expectations in regards to Loki being responsible for instigating Ragnarok by indeed having him directly responsible, but for reasons I never could have anticipated.

While Infinity War is probably gonna screw it all up, I loved the promise presented by set-up at the end with Thor being the Captain King of a starship of homeless space fantasy gods traversing the stars, with Loki by his side. Holy shit I desperately want to watch a sci-fi series spinning off from this premise.

SAFE PASSAGE THROUGH THE ANUS

[wizardingbias]

HP!headcanon - BTS V

|| WIZARDINGBIAS - where your fave bands live in hakho’s hogwarts au ||

Character Headcanons ↳ BTS V // Taehyung Marshall // Gryffindor

okay this boi will be the death of me and im not even a taehyung stan

Why is this boy a Gyffindor?

lemme tell ya listen up, buckle up, put on that strap

strap on

more under the cut hoes

such soft bebe

but also dangerous bebe

he is notorious for not giving a fuck about rules

like he used to

but then his mama was like

yolo my child

So in my au, taehyung has an incredibly liberal japanese mother who is very hippie-esque and he has a twin sister, and i chose wheein from mmm bc

fuck yeah

tae’s best friend in the entire world is his mother

but wheein comes a close second lets be honest

and growing up, taetae doesn’t really need much more than his sister and his mom, but he does wish his dad came home from ukraine a little bit more often

he’s a dragon trainer

it’s so gd cool, lil taetae gushes about it every time he meets someone new, and then he points at his eyes because they have golden flecks in them and the story is that his father was so exposed to dragon’s and dragon fire and dragon scales that a mutation occurred and golden flecks planted themselves in his eyes like the ambers of a fire

and both wheein and tae has them but only tae thinks they’re the coolest thing in the world

wheein is all like ‘?????’ bc her brother gets weird abt stuff like that

so

YEAR 1

taetae and wheein are so lucky to have each other tbh, because if not tae would roam around the entire train and probably make friends with the weird kids that accidentally but not-accidentally try to poison you

so thank merlin wheein is there to reel him into a compartment and keep him busy without getting into trouble

taetae needs a leash honest to god

it’s here lil 11 y/o taetae meets überly shy-

shy shy shy

-little Jimin but jimin is so cute and fluffy cheeked tae can’t contain himself when jimin asks if he can sit here with them

taehyung leaps at the answer

“yES!”

and they click so well and jimin blushes so much at taehyung’s compliments on his fluffy cheeks

and they show each other pictures of their cute little pets

taehyung loves animals so much and it’s totally okay if Jimin’s owl doesn’t like him rn because it’s beautiful and fluffy and jimin’s eyes are halfmoons as taehyung gushes over this pretty little baby owl

Carrot, Taehyung’s tabby cat,

is named carrot bc of the really really orange fur duh

looooooooooooovvvvessssss jimin so muuuccchhh

same carrot same

and taehyung grabs his portable camera, (wizarding technology has come so far to use polaroids to take wizarding pictures cuz that thing Colin Creevey used in the second hp film is just waaayyy too big boii), and takes a snapshot of carrot spreading his limbs out over Jimin’s small lap

its so cute

taehyung can’t

i cant either

and when Jimin and Tae are sorted into the same house, it’s gd amazing cuz yas gryffindor yas, and they jump into each others’ arms so dramatically when they meet each other at the table

everyone in the Great Hall coos at them

as they should

and everyone knows this friendship is gonna go down in the history books

yEAR 2

obviously, jimin and tae have hung out over the summer, and tae has introduced his best friend in the whole wide world to his mother who absolutely adores him

but not as much as taehyung adores jimin

and their entire summer is spent playing with wheein and her new found best friend hwasa and it’s great

lots of new friends

who are good influences

bc tae is totally the type to accidentally befriend the troublemakers and fit in so well with them and their antics lets be honest

but in year 2, he gets a lot of new friends as well, because he’s such a social butterfly and here at Hogwarts, people actually think tae’s dragon eyes story is cool thank you very much, wheein 

*snappy sass fingers*

and he makes friends with all the people in his year, like guys named joshua, and jeonghan and a girl named jisoo and so many more

and he loves hanging out with so many friends

and being able to greet them fondly every time they pass each other in the hallways

his eyes light up as he waves

don’t imagine squishy little gryffindor tae smiling like the whole world is at peace okay. don’t. your heart will hurt.

but jimin suddenly seems a little distant

doesn’t really wanna eat together anymore

always so busy

and tae’s like

“we’re second years. there isn’t that much going on”

but eventually jimin tells him

like in the middle of the night when he can’t sleep

that jimin feels left out

replaced

and tae’s heart hurts and he cries for making jimin feel like that because of course he’s not replaced, jimin is his bestest bestest friend in the whole wide world

and things get better from there

thank god bc imagining mini jimin all sad and sitting alone bc he thinks his only friend has gone off and gotten newer, better friends hurts my heart, my soul, and my entire ancestry

YEar 3 is a fucking wild one

bc suddenly, wheein has a stalker that refuses to let her go

and even tae, who is notorious for having no boundaries, is freaked out by this older guy prying on his sister like hell no mister, back the fuck away

but the dude’s a fucking 6th year (which makes it even creepier) and is literally twice taehyung’s height and abt 3x jimin’s height

and this is where tae’s real gryffindor instincts come into full gear

bc he makes an incredibly intricate plan and invites all the other third years and the whole of the gryffindor house to help him send a message to this weird stalker

and on a cold ass winter morning, a helpful seventh year levitates the stalker’s sleeping body out of his bed and all the way outside, keeping a warming spell around the boy’s body so he doesn’t wake up

and out on the quidditch field, there are about 100 students standing ready with bursting whip cream orbs (something taehyung invented himself that are meant to burst upon contact)

and as soon as the seventh year sets down the stalker and removes the charms, taehyung yells on the top of his lungs “fIREEEEEEE!” and the stalker abruptly wakes up, is suddenly pelted with bursting cream balls, and is freezing in his underwear as a sort of ultimate humiliation

it’s safe to say that that stalker will continue on the rest of his hogwarts life with this humiliation lingering

and tae smiles wickedly, so proud of himself

he doesn’t even mind the two months worth of detention he gets

bc no one does something as creepy as that to anyone

especially not his sister

and gets away with it

Year 3 is also the year jimin and tae discover a very lonely little slytherin first year eating alone in the courtyard instead of in the Great hall

and instinctively, taehyung drags jimin over with their lunch to eat next to the boy

and they drop next to the slytherin whilst casually continuing on with their mindless conversation

this is repeated for about 2 weeks before the slytherin boy says anything, and when he does it’s just before tae and jimin leave, and he grabs onto tae’s sleeve and says

“thank you”

in the softest voice ever

and taehyung melts for this boy

same tae same

bc jeongguk, as he introduces himself later on, is the most adorable, especially now that jimin isn’t as puffy and chubby as he was two years ago

and they become great ass friends and tae encourages jeongguk to make more friends in his own year bc it won’t hurt and he’s not gonna be able to be there for his classes and jeongguk should always have someone by his side

bc it’s wrong to leave people lonely

tae firmly believes every one should have a friend

jimin strongly agrees

and it’s the cutest thing ever to see jeongguk smile widely at that

my heart for jeongguk in this au omfg his backstory is just so sad so this really hits me in the feels okay, if you haven’t read jk’s profile, fucking do that so this can have it’s full effect my heaaaarttttttttttt

lemme tell you that lots of stuff happens in year 4 for tae

first of all, taehyung discovers that divinations is

a

ma

zing

and he and a hufflepuff in his year named taeyong become such good friends after they’re paired up for this one project and they both have their minds blown by divinations

but obviously, he still likes care of magical creatures the very best. it’s been his fave since last year and it’s only getting so much cooler every year

and herbology is getting cooler as well but only because it’s tying into the care for magical creatures syllabus

either way

this is the year jimin suddenly is obsessed over quidditch

like all summer, the only thing jimin has been talking about is quidditch this and quidditch that so obviously it’s not a surprise that jimin wants to try out for the team

except

he drags taehyung with him even though tae has 100000000% no interest in the sport

like he’s not a bad flyer, he was actually pretty amazing in first year when they were learning how to use a broom

he just doesn’t know any rules

but bc jimin is so cute when he smiles with his half moon eyes and bounces on the balls of his feet like a lil child, taehyung indulges his bestest friend bc tae is awesome like that

and tbh the tryouts weren’t all that hard

actually pretty fun

and it turns out Tae is amazing with a bat

and both him and jimin make the cut easily with happy smiles on their faces

taehyung eventually learns to love the sport

it’s amazing as a stress relief

especially since O.W.L.’s are coming up next year and wheein is doing amazing in all her classes and he isn’t

whatever

tae you don’t have to be amazing at your subjects just do what makes you happy

His mom is btw the most amazing person ever

she sends him manga all the time and tae hides it from all his friends until he’s read the latest issue of one piece or something

and then he hands it out to his friends who literally pay him to read the latest issue and dayum how many lemon sherberts can he buy with this much money????

why are you in slytheirn

but ofc he always gives jimin and jeongguk the issues first

for free

bc they are his bestest friends

but his mom also sends him porn which is totally not weird, albeit a slight bit shocking at first, but his mom is so liberal and open about anything and everything like she even sends wheein jumbo packs of tampons and silk pads bc she knows the cotton ones dig in her areas

why does tae know this? bc they’re all really open with each other duh

omg but jimin would be so scandalised to see porn on the breakfast table just sitting there

barbecue sauce on my titties

Year 5555555

This is the year all students get some sort of existential crisis

people are growing up, mentally and physically, people are getting into somewhat serious relationships, identity crisis mode, all that jazz

yall know exactly what im talking about don’t ge triggered im here for you

and obvs tae is different from everyone else

like he doesn’t get why people are all of a sudden paying attention to their hair everyday, or why girls are wearing makeup, and boys for that matter

“jiMIN IS THAT EYELINER WHAT?????”

“how do you even know what eyeliner is?”

“I like watching makeup tutorials with my sister”

“that’s.....weirdly cute, bro. watch with me next time.”

*boxy smile* “okai”

But the weirdest thing yet is probably all the flying heart letters he keeps getting, like these fluttering pink confession paper thingies are really cute but tae doesn’t for the life of him understand why he’s suddenly getting a bunch of them

“you have really pretty eyes” 

tae likes those the best tbh #DragonForLife

“you look so cool playing quidditch”

those are pretty nice too bc Tae feels hella cool playing quidditch

“your ears look soft”

Tae’s pretty sure that’s a joke one from jeongguk but he isn’t too sure

either way, people are starting to pay attention to him and slowly, little by little, he’s getting a tiny bit self conscious too, so obviously, he confides in jimin for some help

“maybe you want to switch up your look too?”

“i don’t wanna be mainstream. I wanna be main-meme”

*gang signs*

but it’s been on his mind enough so that by the christmas break he whines to his mama that taetae is no wonger cool anymwore 

i failed at baby language in high school okay? 

so his mom totally helps him out and dyes his hair fUCKING LAVENDER 

this will forever be the greatest look tae ever had bring it back

and when he comes back from the hollidays HE GETS SO MANY MORE FLUTTERING HEART LETTERS ITS INSANE

like honestly, they’re everywhere

and they’re the type to follow him around if he doesn’t open them and read them

and it’s so embarrassing

why does this even exist????

he’s kinda comforted by the fact that he’s not the only one around school who has them frantically following them like even jeongguk, certified loner and awkward bunny, has a few following him around whilst jimin reads all the ones he’s got almost immediately bc lil chimchim hates attention okay

VALENTINES DAY

WE DO NOT TALK ABOUT IT

TAEHYUNG OFFICIALLY HATES THE COLOUR PINK

NEVER WANTS TO SEE IT IN HIS LIFE EVER AGAIN

FUCK THAT SHIT

In year 6 however

things get a little dramatic okay

bc just like everyone else, tae’s hormones are going wild

he’s a sixteen year old boy and he’s starting to get sensitive okay?

and he’s like faced with a major dilemma

besides his almost failed Arithmancy grade but who really cares about that when he’s gonna be a dragon trainer like his dad, right?

he’s kinda

you know

feeling things

like

feelings

but not just any kind of feelings, but feelings for a certain friend, who’s not supposed to make him feel all of these feelings, but taetae can’t help feeling these feelings for this certain friends

uuuuggggghhhhhhhhh

so he tries to confide in jimin without being too obvious

bc obvs he’s not supposed to be crushing on jeongguk

oh fuck, that wasn’t supposed to be revealed

uuuggghhhhhhhhh x2

but jimin gives him shit advice and tells him to confess to the guy he likes, obviously not understanding the severity of the situation

thanks for nothing chimchim

so he kinda just avoids jeongguk for a while, immersing himself in extra quidditch practice and extra time in the forbidden forest with hagrid

he’s basically hagrid’s apprentice now

but winning quidditch matches and feeding exotic animals isn’t really cutting it bc he gets so stressed out whenever he has to avoid jeongguk

bc he knows jeongguk’s really sensitive about friends and social stuff so tae should totally not just drop him like this, that goes against his morals

everyone should have a friend, remember????

so tae kinda suppresses the warm affection and goes on with life normally, apologising to a sulky jeongguk for being totally MIA

“I was totally not like in love with you for a minute and decided to do the most cliché lets-avoid-our-best-friend-slash-crush or anything, what are you talking about???”

*nervous laughter*

Seventh year comes along

and Tae has somewhat of a better grip on himself

over the summer he’s been able to evaluate his life, where he’s heading, what he wants to do, who he wants to be

obviously with a lot of long ass talks with wheein bc she’s the only one he can actually talk about everything with

yes, that means his jeongguk feeeeeeeeliiiiiinnnngggggssss as well

and he decides that it’s better to focus on himself rather than confess and get into a bunch of awkward situations with jeongguk and with jimin for that matter

and year seven is about true self discovery

Exploring TaeTae, sundays at nine on discovery channel 

he’s seventeen ffs he’s gotta figure out a plan for after Hogwarts bros

and all he knows is he wants to be like his dad and work with animals and dragons

even tho he’s never seen a dragon in real life

so he sends a letter to his dad who gets him a summer internship at the dragon sanctuary he works at

longest yeaaaaaaahhhh boiiiiii everrr

so with that set, his fucking fingers tingling in anticipation, Tae gets Wheein to help him study for N.E.W.T.’s

and it’s so cute bc imagine jimin, tae, wheein, and hwasa with ruffled hair and pencils behind their ears (bc who the fuck uses quills outside of official examination) taking up the entire gryffindor common room room with countless of empty coffee mugs and balls of scrap parchment all around them

reminds me of stressful times nvm its not cute anymore

and then there’s quidditch

and even though they don’t win the cup, it’s okay cuz at least they didn’t come last

tho the rest of the team is sulking pretty bad

gd gryffindor pride

Tae’s just glad that the last year is a pretty damn good one

oh by the way

tae’s dyed his hair back to it’s original dark brown bc it felt more like himself, soft and sweet with a dark mystery

“lol wtf tae so dramatic”

“shut up, this is my narration for my discovery channel show, wheein”

But seventh year turns out to be pretty okay after all

Tae passes all his N.E.W.T.’s 

(thanks to wheein obvs)

and Tae gets free butterbeer whenever he goes to Hogsmeade

and the dragon intership

pretty sweet bro

when graduation comes, Taehyung doesn’t cry like a bunch of his sappy peers

he just wears the biggest boxy smile ever

bc he’s so happy

and jimin looks fucking ugly crying

but so soft

they take a pic with the polaroid camera taehyung used when they first met

he’s posted all the pics over the years on his dorm wall but now he keeps it in a shrinkable album that he carries on his keychain so he can bring it everywhere he goes

and under the picture of him forcing jimin to pose with him for a photo, snotty and crying and red faced, it says 

“7 awesome years end with snot and love” 

and in the picture he’s kissing jimin’s puffy cheek sloppily and it’s so cuteeeeeee

and Tae takes pics with everyone, forces jeongguk into several of them, and wheein and hwasa, and with joshua from his charms class and jeonghan from Arithmancy and seokjin’s little sister jisoo and taeyong from divinations and yuta from the slytherin quidditch team and everyone else bc it’s all so cute and amazing and people are crying 

what a time to be alive

i cannot with this image in my head like im about to graduate myself and i’m gonna cry so much nooooooo

and that’s it really

awesome

eventful

happy

not so happy

perfect

↳ Taehyung’s official profile

okay there we go, hope you liked this one :) Feel free to request in my ask who you want me to do next ^^

Seokjin | Yoongi | Hoseok | Namjoon | Jimin | Taehyung | Jungkook (the rest coming soon)

[entergamingxp]

a brief history of orcs in video games • Eurogamer.net

When we first meet the young orc warchief Thrall in Warcraft 3, he’s just woken from a nightmare; visions of orc and human armies clashing on a battlefield as the sky burns above them.

“Like fools, we clung to the old hatreds,” a voiceover laments. It’s rendered stunningly, this battle, in an early progenitor of Blizzard’s now-renowned cinematics. But unlike in the previous two games, there’s no glory to it. The morally simplistic battles of old are chronicled in the language of regret. Old triumph is revised as cyclical folly.

Thrall wakes from his vision and jolts up in bed. We can see terror on his face at first, and then… sorrow. And just like that, Warcraft’s orcs are given something they’d never really had previously:

A chance to be people.

As far as I knew at 10 years old, no-one had ‘invented’ orcs. They just were. Like giants, fairies, or dragons. I’d fought them in HeroQuest, all protruding lower canines and piercing red eyes, brandishing meat cleavers and falchions above their heads. I’d defended castles from them in the Dungeons & Dragons board game DragonStrike. I’d even controlled orcish warriors and catapults and giant snapping turtles in Warcraft 2: Tides of Darkness. I didn’t have the language for it at the time, but I’d placed orcs in the realm of folklore, a part of our collective storytelling public domain. That is, until my Year Five teacher jokingly called a story I’d written a ‘Tolkien rip-off’ and lent me her personal, faded hardcover of The Hobbit. It was, I thought at the time, even cooler than C.S Lewis. It had bigger battles. Dragons. Gollum. And a lot more orcs.

Orcs.

Evil. Disposable. Generally up for a party but will probably end up killing each other. Disposable. Bad at tactics but too numerous for it to really matter. Disposable. Just good enough at fighting to make our heroes look cool, but never good enough to pose a real threat.

Disposable.

This isn’t what makes them endearing, and enduring, though. Sure, they’re often hilarious. Mostly fearless. But they’re also perpetual outsiders. Sometimes, like Warhammer 40,000’s Goff Rockers and Blizzard’s mohawked trolls, they’re punks. Fantasy’s counterculture. Scrappy. Resourceful. All DIY aesthetics and painted banners. Backs against the wall, grog held high in the air with one hand, and a long, gnarled, green middle finger on the other.

The first level of Warcraft 3’s prologue starts with a line of text on a loading screen. A single line that grants Thrall, and by extension the Horde, more agency than the previous two games combined.

“Somewhere in the Arathi Highlands, Thrall, the young warchief of the orcish Horde, wakes from his troubling dream.”

His troubling dream. Imagine that. Thrall is troubled. Not angry. Not vengeful. Not somewhere on the spectrum between recently having finished killing humans and planning out which humans to kill next. But troubled. When he speaks to the prophet Medivh in the following cutscene, his voice is measured. A tone of resolute contemplation, in sharp contrast to the ornery Fozzy Bear gargles that delivered the old game’s orcish text scrolls.

Playing the Warcraft strategy trilogy in order today, this change seems sudden. Jarring, even though it had been in the works for a while. The character Thrall was conceived for the adventure game Warcraft: Lord of the Clans. The ill-fated, darkly comedic project imagined the warchief as a sardonic, wise-cracking Guybrush Threepwood type. Very different from what we’d eventually see in Warcraft 3, sure, but also much different from any orc in the series before. The first human we meet in the game – Thrall’s jailer – is cruel and clumsy, a stark contrast to noble imperialism present in previous depictions of the Alliance. By the time of Lord of The Clans, the orcs have been corralled to reservations, made slaves after their defeat by humans. For the first time in a mainstream fantasy game series, orcs are portrayed as victims, not aggressors. Even the name, Thrall, evokes servitude and chains.

Despite its eventual cancellation 18 months into development, the story of Lord of the Clans would later be retold and canonised in a novel with a much more contemplative tone, released a year before Warcraft 3’s release. In that same year, 2001, another Warcraft novel named Of Blood and Honour reimagined the orcs in similar ways. But we wouldn’t see these new orcs in action until Thrall first stepped out of that tent.

Early depictions of noble orcs are about as common as beardless dwarves. The odds were stacked against them from the start, really. The world ‘orc’ is believed, by some, to have been derived by Tolkien from the English epic Beowulf. It appears in the poem as ‘orcneas’ – an evil tribe, condemned by god. Another possible corollary – and one Tolkien would likely have been familiar with – was the Saxon term for the Norman invaders. Here, ‘orc’ means ‘demons’ or ‘foreigners’. The link becomes even more apparent when you consider – as the historical novelist Kate Sedley asserts in Tintern Treasure – that the Anglo-Saxons called our world, as a place between heaven and hell, Middle Earth. A Middle Earth they tried to defend against ‘orcs’ at the Battle of Hastings.

How much of this history was actually relevant to Tolkien is unclear, though. In a letter to Scottish novelist and Lord of the Rings proofreader Naomi Mitchison, the author writes: “the word is as far as I am concerned actually derived from Old English orc ‘demon’, but only because of its phonetic suitability.”

The Princess and the Goblin by George MacDonald, illustrated by Jessie Willcox Smith, 1920.

Pour one out for the green-skinned lads, othered from conception by an etymological whim. They didn’t fare much better in terms of appearance. George MacDonald’s 1872 fairytale The Princess and the Goblin – a childhood favourite of Tolkien’s – is widely credited with inspiring the author in the creation of his own goblins and orcs. MacDonald’s story describes them as a “subterranean” race, “called by some gnomes, by some kobolds, by some goblins.”

“Not ordinarily ugly, but either absolutely hideous, or ludicrously grotesque both in face and form.”

Which doesn’t differ all that much from Tolkien’s own, uh – let’s say antiquated for now, though back to this later – description of orcs.

“… they are (or were) squat, broad, flat-nosed, sallow-skinned, with wide mouths and slant eyes; in fact degraded and repulsive versions of the (to Europeans) least lovely Mongol-types.”

It’s also worth clarifying here that to Tolkien, ‘orcs’ and ‘goblins’ are the same thing. The divisions in size and hierarchy between goblins and orcs is something fantasy has iterated on since. Don’t tell an orc that, though.

From here, the orc’s first mainstream appearance in tabletop roleplaying was in the 1974 Dungeons & Dragons ‘White Box Set’. Borrowing many Tolkienian tropes, orcs appear here as evil and warlike, harboring an intense dislike for sunlight. Relatable. They feature again in the original 1977 Monster Manual (the primary bestiary sourcebook for monsters in D&D), where several orc ‘tribes’ are listed. This dodgy correlation between low intelligence, aggressive creatures and tribal societies was rife in traditional fantasy, and one of the major tropes Warcraft 3 would later grapple with. For now though, orcs were firmly disposable minions of darkness.

The 1977 Monster Manual.

Even in the 1977 Monster Manual, though, orcs are missing one of their most famous traits: they’re still not green. Tolkien’s were described as “swart” and “sallow”. The Monster Manual describes them as “brown or brownish green with a bluish sheen”. For popular codification of orcs’ now-ubiquitous green colouring, we have to look to another tabletop game.

The (widely considered to be apocryphal) story goes like this. Someone at Games Workshop in the 80s is painting their orcish army, but runs out of the obviously correct purple paint halfway through. Frustrated, but feeling resourceful, they reach for the same grass-green a colleague has been using to base their dwarves, and lovingly slather each orcish muscle and jutting jaw with it. Everyone who sees the army the next day agrees: that’s orcs, baby. And so, the greenskins are born.

Warhammer Armies 1988.

True or not (and likely not), Warhammer does seem to be the turning point for green orcs to become the norm, although they wouldn’t be called ‘Greenskins’ just yet. Warhammer’s collected horde of orcs, goblins and other related lads are still referred to as ‘Goblinoids’ all the way through their first army book in 1988, up to the 4th edition Orcs and Goblins. Despite the absence of the term ‘greenskins’ however, Games Workshop’s orcs are, primarily, uniformly green from 1988 onwards.

While Games Workshop’s Space Orks, introduced in 1987’s Rogue Trader ruleset, continued in the tradition of warlike, generally unsympathetic orcish depictions, the first edition of Shadowrun, published in 1989, was a little more nuanced. The ‘Ork Mercenary’ class features the following description:

“He is coarse and rough and of limited sensibilities, but he does function in society. He is not a psychotic killer as some Humanis cultists claim. He’s just making a living doing what he does best.”

Shadowrun’s Ork Mercenary.

Despite a few early attempts, such as Shadowrun’s, to grant the orcs some humanity, they largely remained the same one-note villains. As the developers have confirmed, it’s Tolkien and Games Workshop’s orcs that Warcraft: Orcs and Humans drew the most inspiration from.

Thanks to the influence of D&D, however, Warcraft: Orcs and Humans was a long way off from being the first game to feature orcs – even setting aside games that use the D&D or Warhammer licence. 1980’s Rogue (of roguelike fame), 1985’s Bard’s Tale, and 1987’s Megami Tensei all feature a variation on either Tolkein’s antagonists, or their D&D adaption. Megami Tensei is especially notable, as the orcs it features serve the demon Orcus: the historical Latin god of the underworld, and another speculated etymological origin.

Orcs also make an appearance in Elder Scrolls: Arena, developed around the same time as Warcraft: Orcs and Humans, though released a year later. It wouldn’t be until Morrowind, however, that the Orsimer were made playable. Their in-game description is as follows:

“These sophisticated barbarian beast peoples of the Wrothgarian and Dragontail Mountains are noted for their unshakeable courage in war and their unflinching endurance of hardships. Orc warriors in heavy armor are among the finest front-line troops in the Empire. Most Imperial citizens regard Orc society as rough and cruel, but there is much to admire in their fierce tribal loyalties and generous equality of rank and respect among the sexes.”

The trope of Orcs being accepted into society only once having proved their worth to humans as foot soldiers is one we’ll look at a little later, too.

Writing for Waypoint, Rowan Kaiser describes Warcraft 3’s orc campaign as dealing with “the conflicts between moderation and radicalism, revenge and forgiveness, and dying for freedom or living to fight another day, with Thrall serving as as a cross between Moses and Martin Luther King, Jr.” Kaiser is largely – and rightfully – critical of Blizzard’s lacking POC representation, but his identification of Warcraft 3 as an outlier even within the studio’s own catalogue shows just how different – in video games, at least – its orcish story felt at the time.

While World of Warcraft would continue the story Warcraft 3 established – occasionally relying on various strains of demonic corruption to allow the orcs to fill in their archaic role as destructive antagonists – a few other games popped up afterward that featured the greenskins in a starring role.

Cyanide Studio’s Of Orcs and Men, and spin-off Styx titles, all featured orcs and goblins as playable characters. In Cyanide’s universe, orcs and goblins are persecuted and enslaved by an expansionist human empire. “It’s not easy being a Greenskin on this fucking continent,” the narrator tells us in the introduction. A similar history of slavery is present in Divinity: Original Sin – although no orcs appear in its sequel.

Of Orcs and Men.

And then we come to Shadow of Mordor, right back to Tolkien’s orcs, 12 years after Thrall woke from his nightmare and set out to unite his people.

As a lover of both orcs and procedural storytelling, the Nemesis system – Mordor’s AI memory that has orcs building up personal vendettas against the player over tens of hours of play – is still my favourite mechanic in recent memory. Orcs are more than just fodder in Monolith’s open-world – they’re the crux around which the whole game revolves.

They are the stars of the show, and yet, are strangely absent from its story in any meaningful sense. With the Nemesis system, Tolkien’s orcs were granted a digital facsimile of more agency than they’d ever had before. With it, they were confined back in chains forged from the old tropes. Writing for Paste, Austin Walker observed how the wraith Celebrimbor’s description of the orcs as “vile, savage beasts” was, in effect “imperialism dressed up as spirited determination”.

The sequel, Shadow of War, expanded its protagonist’s skillset to grant the ability to mentally enslave the orcish denizens of Mordor. For some critics, the game rewarding you for breaking the spirits of orcs like “brood mares and racing horses” was the line past which they no longer felt comfortable playing. Cameron Kunzelman, writing for Polygon, grants that Celebrimbor’s heel turn does attempt to critique his cruelty towards the orcs – but the game’s mechanics are still too firmly rooted in rewarding the player for the same cruelty to make this critique effective.

“Whether you buy the real-world race implications of the depictions of orcs or not, the logic of real-world racism is clearly being referenced in how Celebrimbor justifies the enslavement of orcs and trolls,” says Kunzelman, “he sees them as half-people at best, and above all understands them as a resource to be harnessed in competition with his enemy.”

At the start of this piece, I suggested that we might look at orcs as the fantasy genre’s counterculture. Perpetual outsiders, misunderstood by the haughty, self-righteous realms of men. This is where things get uncomfortable, though. If orcs are portrayed as evil, an abomination, or – in Tolkien’s case – a twisted, ugly mockery of a fey, beautiful and noble race, – what does that say about outsiders?

“Kinda-sorta-people, who aren’t worthy of even the most basic moral considerations, like the right to exist,” writes the sci-fi and fantasy author N.K Jemisin in a 2013 blog post The Unbearable Baggage of Orcing. “Only way to deal with them is to control them utterly a la slavery, or wipe them all out. Huh. Sounds familiar.”

I found the N.K Jemisin quote – and an erudite and comprehensive argument to why the history of orcs is inexorable from British imperial racism – in a two part essay by game designer and cultural consultant James Mendez Hodes called Orcs, Britons, and the Martial Race Myth. In the piece, Mendez Hodes traces Tolkien’s inspiration for the orcs back to Attila the Hun and the Mongols, through the sinophobic ‘Yellow Peril’. It’s a compelling and thoroughly researched argument to why we shouldn’t downplay the significance of Tolkien’s description of his orcs as “degraded and repulsive versions of the (to Europeans) least lovely Mongol-types” – and why even the term ‘degraded’ has roots in harmful, nonsensical race-science.

Even the idea of a warrior ‘race’, argues Mendez Hodes, is deeply rooted in the British Imperial concept of ‘Martial Races’. A designation created by the British Raj after the Indian Rebellion of 1857, to identify warlike ‘castes’ from which to recruit for service in the colonial army. The British colonial powers viewed such peoples as:

“… strong, tough, savage. Born into violent, warlike cultures. Raised to prize military prowess above all other pursuits. Naturally inclined to raid their neighbors or, when no neighbors can be found, to fight amongst themselves. Stubborn and simple-minded, despite all their martial skill. Easily controlled by more graceful, cerebral people…”

Which might sound familiar, if you’ve been paying attention.

“I learned of orcs when a friend showed me Warcraft: Orcs & Humans in 1996, then was disappointed they didn’t look like jacked badasses in illustrations from Lord of the Rings and Dungeons & Dragons,” Mendez Hodes tells me over email.

“When Blizzard Entertainment announced Warcraft Adventures: Lord of the Clans, I lit up. A story about an orc named Thrall who grew up in bondage to European humans, but rises to become warchief of the Horde? This tiny Filipino was here for it. I was sad they cancelled it, but thrilled when Warcraft 3: Reign of Chaos picked up on Thrall’s story.”

While the first two games villainised the orcs, Mendez Hodes tells me Warcraft 3 “made Horde species feel like people with voices and cultures”.

Their design, unfortunately, was still rooted to those old noble savage and martial race tropes.

“If I tried to list all the Indigenous, Asian and African stereotypes and misrepresentations on the Horde unit and spell lists – or their antecedents and descendants in the Diablo series, for that matter – we’d be here all night. For instance, there’s a good deal of the Horde in Diablo’s kindest and most offensive character, Carl Lumbly and Erica Luttrell’s Witch Doctor.

“The problem with positive stereotypes is that when you’re starving for any positive representation at all, they’re intoxicating…”

Mendez Hodes brings up Grom Hellscream’s redemption arc in Warcraft 3 as “proof that evil is a choice and not a racial trait for orcs, [it] resonates with all the times I’ve felt tempted to embody a stereotype to seize a momentary advantage in a hostile world”.

“So many of our first heroes were queer-coded and disabled villains, stereotypical karate guys, jive-talking gangsters and criminals. Sometimes we were too young to know the ways they hurt us. Other times we knew – because even if we didn’t at first, the other kids made sure we found out – but we took them into our hearts like they were wayward relatives. If nothing else, unconscious bias ensured we felt the Horde were our own.”

I ask Mendez Hodes if he feels Warcraft 3’s sea change was a positive step, all things considered.

“I’m glad Warcraft 3 happened. I think we needed to move through that phase, to iterate on it, to get where I want orcs to go. “

Mendez Hodes learned a lot from Warcraft 3, he says. The relationship between fantasy and culture. How to maintain the cognitive dissonance necessary to recognise the same work can both help, and harm, his cause and identity.

“Tomorrow morning, I’m gonna make coffee and play Reforged, and fall in love with Thrall and all my problematic faves all over again.”

At the end of Mendez Hodes’ essay, he sets out some thoughts on reclaiming orcs from Tolkien’s legacy by humanising and personifying them across fiction, role playing and video games. I wanted to end this one on a positive note, so I spoke to some creators that have been doing just that.

Developer Bitter Berries describes Salting the Earth as a modern-fantasy that takes place in a post civil-war world, focusing on sex-positive LGBT+ themes, and femininity: friendship, motherhood and sisterhood.

“Orcs are often portrayed as ugly, muscle-headed and patriarchal in mainstream media,” Bitter Berries tells me over email.

“And at the same time, women with tall and muscular builds were more likely put in the minor roles of villains, perhaps due to their appearances being the opposite of mainstream’s understanding of femininity.”

Salting the Earth’s universe is populated by Orogans – borrowed from ‘Orog’, Forgotten Realm’s taller, smarter Underdark orcs.

“The project attempted to subvert the usual tropes, giving the physically dominant women more complex personalities and a variety of roles, and to make them ‘sexy’. Personally, quirky and powerful women really appeal to me.

“Instead of primitivism, the culture of the orcs in the game was inspired by me and my friends’ South East Asian cultures. While racism isn’t the main theme, there’s a hierarchy within the orcs in the game based on the colour of their skin.”

Salting the Earth.

Tusks is a visual novel where the players joins a band of queer orcs at a festival and travels together through what creator Mitch Alexander describes as a “semi-mythical Scotland”.

“Most of the ideas that are explored with relation to orcish life in the game – community, history, found family, sexuality, power, social status – are also massively relevant to queer people, and they’re derived from my experiences as a queer man.”

Alexander came up with the concept for Tusks while playing Skyrim as an Orsimer who, he figured, was trying to unite Orsimer throughout the land, to come together and build their own “wee queer orc stronghold”.

Alexander also wanted to reflect his home country in the game.

“Orcs make a very good stand-in for things like folklore and myth about faeries, selkies, goblins and elves in Scotland, as though these creatures may be in some way synonymous or related to the orcs from Tusks.”

Tusks.

When thinking about the history of orcs, Alexander considered not just portrayals of race, but also gender and sexuality.

“There’s a lot you have to reckon with if you want to reduce the amount of harmful tropes being employed in depicting orcs… they’re often described or depicted in racist, imperialist or essentialist ways that feel like it’s been written by some 19th Century British head-size-measurer. There are few depictions of orc women in the media, and when they are, they’re conventionally attractive human women who are green; the only consideration of queerness you get in orc worldbuilding tends to be one-off jokes.”

Tusks, says Alexander, was an opportunity for him to explore themes like found family, community, polyamory, sexuality and power dynamics. As much as it allowed him to subvert orcs, it presented a chance to use orcs to challenge how we think about things in our own lives. With so many people made to feel inhuman, or monstrous, Alexander says, it can be useful for artists to play with and reclaim these ideas for themselves.

“If we’re interested in worldbuilding and having something interesting to say in our media, it’s a hard sell to then claim the way we depict and portray non-humans doesn’t really matter or isn’t worth exploring.”

from EnterGamingXP https://entergamingxp.com/2020/02/a-brief-history-of-orcs-in-video-games-%e2%80%a2-eurogamer-net/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=a-brief-history-of-orcs-in-video-games-%25e2%2580%25a2-eurogamer-net