#even if I worked 8 hours days four days a week that’d be an improvement

[kellerybird]

Somehow…

I feel like I had more freedom when I worked full time

Yes, 8 hours of my day five days a week was spent at work, compared to the ~4 hours a day four days a week I average working part time now…

But life was steady, stable, and secure

Arguably that feels more freeing than the extra free time

I didn’t need to stress about making ends meet, about being able to afford food, about what to do with myself, abut not being able to afford to take time off

I’ve been looking casually at full time jobs for a while, but I think it’s time to push forward with getting one

[demivampirew]

Keep Calm and go to London chapter 18

The story is about Henry, not Geralt (only using this gif because it fits perfectly for this chapter)

Synopsis: This is the story of (y/n), a successful actress,  musician, musical producer and songwriter. After battling depression and  breaking up a long relationship, she seeks for a change of air,  escaping LA for a while going to visit some friends in London and there  she meets Henry. -Disclaimer: some chapters are mostly smut.

Previous Chapters:

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5 (smut)

Chapter 6

Chapter 7 (smut)

Chapter 8 (smut/roleplay)

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12 (smut)

Chapter 13

Chapter 14 (smut)

Chapter 15

Chapter 16 (smut/ s&m) Chapter 17

Triggers:   Smut (I know, too much smut chapters 😁 😂 🤣 , but this chapter needed to have smut, you’ll see why 😜 ); mention of rape, sex trafficking and panic attacks (while talking about a movie; only mention those words, not describing anything them in any way)

Tag list:  Here’s the incredible people who showed me support (thank  you    so  much for that) and people who asked me to tag them too  ☺️   (I    think  I will write a few chapters of this story, if you want me to  tag     you, tell me ☺️   ) @cavillanche @mary-ann84 @henry-owns-these-tatas @yespolkadotkitty @dancingwendigo   constip8merm8     penwieldingdreamer iloveyouyen  littlefreya  wondersofdreaming    alyxkbrl solariumss  sweetybuzz25 @thethirstyarchive @agniavateira   @honeyloverogers @hell1129-blog   @lunedelorient​  @michelle-1185​  

During quarantine, Henry spend lots of time cooking delicious meals, bread and desserts for the two of you. He pretended not to be good, but low key you knew that he wanted compliments because his food was freaking fantastic and you were sure he knew that already. He was in the kitchen preparing cookies for you an afternoon snack. Meanwhile, you entertained him dancing around, there were some real dance moves there, but mostly silly things that you did intend to make him laugh. Lizzo's "Juice", Nicky Minaj's "Anaconda", Rihanna's "Bitch better have my money", Bruno Mars's "24K Magic" were some of the songs you choose to perform for him. You closed your little show with N*Sync's "Bye bye bye" which make him laughed so hard that Kal barked at him. He mentioned that in his youth he made a movie with Joey Fatone and you were green with envy because you used to be a N*Sync fangirl when you were little. - What was he like? - you asked - Oh, he's great! Cool guy. If I ever cross paths with him again, I'll invite him to hang out so you can meet him too. - he replied - Oh yeah, baby. That'd be a childhood dream come true. - Have you ever meet one of your idols? - he questioned curiously - Hmm... yeah, I met Slash, he's now a friend of mine. He gave me guitar lessons. - You learned to play the guitar with Slash from Guns n' Roses? - he repeated your words as a question due to the surprise revelation - No. I was already pretty good. He gave me lessons on how to improve my guitar solos. It was A-M-A-Z-I-N-G! I've learnt so much with him and improved drastically my habilities. - you explained - I've also met Duff and he is cool too. I met Nikolaj Coster-Waldau from Game of Thrones, he's one of the sweetest people I've ever met. I met my now friend Annie (Hathaway), which you must already know because we worked together in my first acting role and she is a mentor, she truly helped me a lot to become a good actress. - you paused, thinking and after a few moments continued.- I've met Robert De Niro, he played my dad in the movie that you didn't see - previously you have had a conversation in which he confessed to having seen three on the four movies that you made in your short but successful career as an actress. You advised him not to watch the movie, because you played a woman caught in sex trafficking and there were a lot of rape scenes and you thought he may be affected to see you like that, even you had panic attacks after filming that movie and never watched again after the premiere. You couldn't even see Cillian Murphy anymore, another co-star in that movie, because he was the villain and there was a much graphic scene in which his character raped yours. "Only the twisted mind of Darren Aronofsky could come with a story dark as that one," you told Henry laughing because you liked the director, he was a good man, but with a weird taste for disaster and dark psychology-.  You talked about meeting people that you admire and he mentioned Russell Crowe, Tom Cruise and Guy Ritchie, among others. As you predicted, the cookies were delicious. Your boyfriend was, definitely, the perfect man. Not only he was the sweetest, you two never fought, but he was also an amazing lover - he even made out a rule that you that to tell him if you didn't have an orgasm (or wanted more) so he could take care of that because those moments were made so both of you could have a great time and not just him. And, on top of all of that, he cooked for you amazing dishes and desserts. He was the definition of perfection. - Someday you're going to get tired of cooking for me and that'd be my doom. - you pointed out as you ate the tasteful cookies. - Not at all. I'll never get tired of cooking for the woman I love. - he assured you smiling. You chocked with the cooking you were eating and recover a few seconds later and starred at his face with an expression of full shock in yours. - What did you say? - you demanded him to repeat his words - What? I've said that I love cooking for the woman I love.- he repeated without understanding what was wrong with his words. - "The woman you love"? Do you love me? -you asked astonished - Absolutely.- he admitted with a smile on his face- I've been in love with you practically since the time I asked you to be my girlfriend, I just thought that you were going to think I was crazy and was too soon for saying the L word. - I felt the same way. I wanted you to be the first to say it. -you confessed him. - So, we are in love with eachother.- he confirmed with happiness written on his face; the kind of happiness that a child would experience on Christmas day if he/she received exactly what was expecting. You stood up from the table and run into his arms, as he embraced you for your first kiss after knowing that you were in love. Hours later, Henry was back again in the kitchen. This time he was planning to prepare dinner for him since you told him the cookies made you feel full and you didn't want to eat anything else for the day. He was preparing everything that he needed, when you showed up in the kitchen wearing nothing but translucid bran with pastel green colour and white flowers on it. The bra was delicate and made your breasts look amazing. You also wear a white thong and white stockings and stiletto heels pumps. You left Henry speechless. You got closer to him, put your arms around his neck a started to kiss him. You could feel his hands sliding through your back reaching your ass and grabbing it. That made you laughed and he joined you. You looked at his eyes and suggested him to take things to bed. You indicated that you couldn't wait anymore to properly celebrate the fact that you loved each other. He picked you up, holding you by your thighs and walked to the bedroom. He left you on the bed as he turned to close the door and took his clothes off. He got on the bed and then slowly slid your thong and then throw it away. Grabbing you by your thighs, he began to pleasure you with his mouth. He loved to stroke your clit with his tongue, grabbing it and sucking it as well. He could do that for long periods. You were used to him putting his fingers inside your underwear and make you cum over and over. He'd do that at least three or four times per week -without counting that you had sex every single night and some mornings as well. He always wanted to take you and satisfy his desires but also wanted to make you happy. He couldn't get enough of you, and the feeling was mutual. You could feel him tasting you, after several orgasms, you were dripping wet. He climbed on top of you and kissed you, grabbing your lips with his. He grabbed a condom from the nightstand and after putting it on, he put his member inside of you, making you burned inside. It felt so good. He would go from slow movements to really fast pound. He had both of his hands on the mattress and your's were on his neck. He would separate his mouth from yours from time to time only to be able to kiss your neck and breasts. He knew how much you needed the touch of his sweet lips on yours; to feel his tongue dancing inside your mouth. You put your arms on his back and dug your fingers on his back, followed by your nails scratching his back. That made him insane. He had shaved two days before that moment, but his beard started to grow again. He also left he moustache to grow. It was still on its early stages, but still made you tingle and it felt so amazing, especially when he was with his head between your legs. He made you stood up from the bed and then grabbed you by your thighs once more, as you entwined your arms around his neck and he started to thrust you. Your body was on flames. The fact that he was strong enough to fuck you while holding you amazed you. For moments, you would free one of your hands just to stroke his arm, as his muscles tense. He sat on the edge of the bed and continued to pound you, buried himself inside of you deeper and deeper each time. You pushed his back against the mattress, kissed him with burning passion and then started to ride him, placing your hands on his majestic hairy chest. Then, you enlaced your hands with his while you continue to move up and down his cock. He pulled your hands into his lips, kissing both of them, one at the time. You put your chest against his and whispered on his ear "You're mine, baby. You're mine and I'm yours", he looked into your eyes. Just as he thought he couldn't want you more, you told him everything he wanted to hear, that you were his. He remembered at that moment that if he wasn't for your ex, he'd been the only man you have been with. That thought made him feel both jealous and lucky at the same time. Another man had you before him, but he intended to be the only man you'll be with for the rest of his life. You were his. He wasn't the kind of man that would treat you as an object, as something that could belong to him, but you were his woman, he loved you and would make sure that you'll want him forever over anybody else because he could not stand the idea of losing you. You were his angel and he would love you and protect you and hopefully make you as happy as you made him. Life with you was a paradise. You woke up due to the need to drink some water. You had your head pressed against Henry's chest. You had sex until the sunrise. You felt so tired after that amazing night. You checked your phone to see the time and to your surprise, it was midday. You got up and decided to prepare lunch for the two of you. You starred at him for a moment before leaving the bedroom. Seeing him sleep so peaceful felt like a warm hug. You were so lucky. He was amazing and he loved you as much as you loved him.

[hypnotica-ships]

Quite The Sting

Bit of a time skip. Some bonding with Holger involved. Not to mention Crow's first mission...that may turn out to be his last.

Phase 1: Part 6

Word Count: (About) 2,666

1//2//3//4//5//6//7//8//9

Months of hard training, and many infirmary visits later, Crow still can't get much headway with beating Holger. It's not due to lack of trying though, no, Holger is just making sure he keeps Crow on his toes. By this point they have a system: they fight, Holger explains to Crow what he's doing wrong and how to fix it, Crow listens to about half of that, and is forced to visit the infirmary yet again. Both are growing. In not only strength, but in friendship.

After being cleared by the nurse, for the 8th time this week, Crow heads back to his room. His mind swimming with the thought of how to perfect the new maneuver Holger taught him this time. It really hurt, and he wants to weaponize it himself.

"Maybe if I....move faster, then I could hit him harder? Yeah, that sounds right..."

Entering his room, he's greeted by the familiar emptiness he's grown accustomed to at this time of the day. Holger usually has a meeting with Guile to give updates about him and his unit after their daily combat training. Usually giving Crow some time to himself for a while. Not that he enjoys it though. He's grown somewhat close to his cold superior, and almost misses talking to him sometimes.

Suddenly, he hears the door open. Holger's back earlier than usual, must of been a short meeting. He seems to be carrying something.

"Back early I see, I hope it went well."

"We discussed some things, nothing too important, like always. Charlie and him had some duties to attend to though, so we had to cut it short. I did, however...convince him to let you join me and my unit on our next mission."

"WHAT?!? NO WAY! How did ya manage that? He seemed pretty stern on waiting till I got more practice in."

"I just told him what I've been observing with you. You've been improving and actually listening to my orders, for the most part. I told him that I thought you were ready, and I just hope that you're willing to prove me right."

"I...yeah, thanks Holger. I appreciate it."

"Here, you'll be needing this if you're going to be representing one of my men."

Holger holds out the item he carried in with him, presenting it honorably towards Crow. A black army vest. It's similar to the one Holger and his men wear, complete with the red scorpion insignia on the back. Crow takes it gently, in utter awe of it and what it represents.

"Holger...I-"

"Don't think much of it. You still need to prove to me that you are capable out on the field. Our enemies won't just be sending you to the infirmary if they get a hold of you. I'd...rather not have to drag you back in a body bag..."

"I understand. I just...thank you. For more than just the mission thing. You gave me a second chance, most people would of given up on someone like me. You pushed through though, I...won't forget that."

"...I wouldn't of taken a chance if I didn't think you could do it. Just...don't let me down."

"I'll give it my all...sir."

The weeks leading up to to the next mission were...tense. Crow, not wanting to let this chance go to waste, gave it his all in everything that his superior threw at him. All culminating to the mission briefing and preparation meeting. Crow watches patiently as Holger goes over everything. Trying his best to stay as focused as his fellow unit members, but his nerves are starting to get to him. Shaking his right leg in an attempt to help ease his mind.

"This is strictly a covert mission. No drawing attention to ourselves. No getting caught. We will be leaving at nightfall to have extra coverage. We're to go in, get the info, and get out. Am I clear?"

"Sir, yes sir!"

"The before mentioned info is located in secretary's safe in the middle of the base. We have to pass 3 rooms to reach it. Each door is heavily guarded by 4-6 men in each room. They change guard every 6 hours, which takes around 5 minutes each. They change one after the other, which gives us a small window to sneak through each room. If we miss any of those windows, we'll have to wait till the next change, wasting precious time. We will not be missing these windows. Am I clear?"

"Sir, yes sir!"

"Very well, grab your gear and we'll join at the helicopter waiting outside. Dismissed."

Crow's excited, yeah, but he's also worried about the consequences if he screws up. If they miss those windows, it'll be a huge setback, and no doubt disappoint Holger. Not to mention what would happen if they get caught... Trying to get a hold of his nerves, he grabs his gear and puts on the vest he was gifted. Making his way to the helicopter he sees Holger breaking up the ten man unit into groups of two, and assigning them positions.

"...Smith and Johnson, you're on lookout. Jones and Davis, you're to make sure our getaway here is protected and ready when we need it. Crow, you're with me."

He was stunned by the implications that Holger and himself are going to be going in there head first. Crow didn't have time to fully comprehend it as he was shuffled into the helicopter with the others. Taking his seat, he held his head in his hands, clearly worried. Holger took notice of this and took a seat next to him.

"Keep your cool, private. This is a simple mission, nothing too complicated. If you follow my orders, we'll be fine. We have enough back up in case things do get out of hand, but I doubt, with all the training and prep we've done, we'll need it. So, get it together, we'll be alright. After all, I've got your back."

"I'm that obvious...huh? I just wish I could stop shaking, I...I don't want to let you...the unit down...or have something even worse happen."

"...Even if this doesn't go exactly as planned...I won't be upset, as long as we get the job done, that's all that matters. I have confidence that you'll do just fine."

"...Thanks Holger, that...that helps."

The helicopter lands in it's designated area, behind a hill that's a few yards away form the enemy base, perfectly out of sight. Everyone starts moving into their designated positions. The six men that are going in start to head up the hill to get a good look of where the best point of entry is. Taylor, a younger looking man with short brown hair and glasses is the first to speak up. After looking through his binoculars, mentions that there's a door on the East side that is left unguarded at the moment and there appears to be no security cameras. Holger decides to give it a brief look over. When things look clear he gives the group the okay to head down.

Using the shadows as coverage, all of them get in without causing alarm. Once in, they all take cover. Three on one side of the hall, and three on the other. Holger peaks around the corner and informs the rest of the group, via hand motions, that this room has the minimum amount of 4 guards. According to the time, they should be changing in about 2.5 minutes. Giving the team advantage of the full 5 minute window when it comes.

All of a sudden, one of the team members notices that there are two cameras pointed at the door. They'll need to take care of those before they make their move towards the door. They aren't able to do that in the 2 minutes they have left without being seen, so they'll have use part of that precious 5 minute window instead.

Waiting for them to change seemed to take ages, the suspense was eating away at Crow. He tried to keep all that worry to himself, but it showed on his face clear as day. Holger noticed, but figured the best thing to do was to continue on with the plan. The guards were finally starting to leave and once there backs were turned, Holger and another man on the unit quickly disposed of the cameras via garrote wires. One yank from them and they were gone. A few moments after the guards were fully out of view, the group rushed into the next room.

This room was much smaller than the last, meaning less places to hide. Five guards by the door this time. The group broke off into their smaller assigned groups of two, and took cover behind crates that were strewn about the area. They cleared the first room ahead of schedule, so they had some extra time to scan this room. Two cameras positioned in a similar fashion as the last ones. Holger motioned to the group closest to them to take them out when the coast was clear. As Crow was scanning the place he noticed a major roadblock. The door they needed to go through this time had a key card scanner. Crow motioned to it to notify Holger.

Looking around, Holger noticed there was a ventilation system that lead into the next room. They would still have to wait for the guards to change otherwise they would all be spotted. They still needed to take care of the cameras as well. Meaning that the two men who had to take care of the cameras wouldn't have enough time to get to the vents. Leaving the group going forward slightly handicapped. If the two men timed it right, they could still head back the way they came and meet them back at the helicopter.

After Holger informed the others about what's to be done, it was time for the guards to change. It went pretty on beat as the first one did, take out the cameras and go, only this time with a vent detour. The vent path lead to an opening in the next room, giving what was left of the group a good view of this room.

Six men, four cameras, little to no places to hide. The only place someone could potentially hide was behind a set of chairs, but that'd only work for two men, and they still had a team four left. They had it all planned it out, but it wasn't the most ideal. The other team of two would go down when the guards change and take cover behind the chairs, taking out the cameras as soon as it was clear. Holger and Crow would then make it though the door, again leaving the other men to head back.

The time comes, and it goes as planned, almost. As Crow jumped down from the vents he lands wrong, spraining his ankle. He managed to keep up with Holger's pace and makes it through the door. He's visibly limping, and Holger grabs onto him to help him stabilize. This last room seems empty at least, but they still try to stay quiet.

"*Are you alright? Can you keep going?*"

"*I'm fine, just a little slow. Lets get this over with.*"

Scanning the room once again, they notice the closed safe with the documents they need behind a desk. There's also three cameras. Two pointed at the safe and one at the door. They don't really have a time crunch now, but it's best to get this done quickly. Holger wastes no time taking out the cameras as Crow makes his way to the safe. They both notice it's locked with a 4 digit combination.

"*How are we going to open this? We can't just take the whole safe with us. It's too heavy."

"*That's were this comes in.*"

Holger reaches into one of his vests pockets and pulls out a bundle of C-4. Carefully placing it near the locking mechanism on the safe. Motioning Crow to back up a bit.

"*Wait, won't that be too loud?*"

"*We got in here fast, the guards in the last room haven't fully changed over yet. No one is here to be alerted. We'll be fine.*"

Not a second later, and without warning, Holger detonates the C-4 blasting the safe wide open. Inside they see a folder filled to the brim with the documents they came in here for. Holger quickly grabs them and fingers though it, making sure it's all there. Unbeknownst to them at first, the safe was rigged with an alarm which set off a loud siren in the entire base as soon as the folder was moved. Fortunately, the other men in the unit were safely awaiting their captain at the helicopter. Unfortunately, said captain and his private were still deep inside the base.

"Damn it! We need to get to the vents! Now!"

Crow attempts to stand up and run, but is quickly brought back down to the ground. The pain that shot through his leg was to much for him to fight off any longer. Holger immediately lifts Crow and carries him to the vents. He has to help him in, giving the guards in the base plenty of time to get to the room. As Holger finally gets a chance to enter the vents himself, they hear the door swing open. Followed shortly by the sound of footsteps running in. No one seemed to notice the two hiding in the vents, but they could tell it wouldn't be long before they did if they didn't start moving.

"*Holger, I can't...move that fast....my leg it's too...swollen, and I'd just slow you down. Go in front of me and get out of here.*"

"*No, absolutely not. Do you have any idea what they would do to you if they caught you? We''ll get out of here together, or not at all.*"

Slowly shuffling through the vents they make it back to the third room, and then the second. The vents stop there, meaning they'll have to sneak through the the rest on foot. As Holger carefully helps Crow down out of the vent, they are interrupted by the sound of an intercom echoing throughout the base.

"ALL PERSONAL MUST EVACUATE IMMEDIATELY. SEVERE SECURITY MEASURES IN EFFECT. SELF-DESTRUCTION IN T-MINUS 3 MINUTES."

Looking at each other with shock, Holger's grip on Crow tightens. No one is in this room, and the door is clear. Crow tries his best to shuffle to the door with his bum leg with Holger's help. Once they get to the metal door, it won't budge. It's far too sturdy to use C-4 on as well. Looking desperately for another exit, the two see a pile of wood planks leaned up against a wall. Removing the planks, they discover an area that was under renovation. They take no time rushing in, hoping that it leads to a way out.

"ALL PERSONAL MUST EVACUATE IMMEDIATELY. SEVERE SECURITY MEASURES IN EFFECT. SELF-DESTRUCTION IN T-MINUS 2 MINUTES."

It's cold and dark. They can barely see what they ran into, but their hearts both sink once they realize they've encountered a dead end. Holger reaches for another C-4 and applies it to the wall, moving himself and Crow out of the blast zone, and detonates it. It's a desperate move, but they are all out of choices at this point.

"ALL PERSONAL MUST EVACUATE IMMEDIATELY. SEVERE SECURITY MEASURES IN EFFECT. SELF-DESTRUCTION IN T-MINUS 1 MINUTE."

As the smoke clears they realize that did...nothing. The wall was too solid to be destroyed. They don't have enough time to make it back and check the door again, not that it would be unlocked anyways. Both of their hearts have sunken deep into their chests by now. Holger's grip on has loosened as he moves into a hug, holding Crow tight, and whispering something Crow can't quite make out.

"8"

"7"

"Holger, I'm sorry..."

"5"

"4"

"We were so close..."

"2"

"1"

"Hold on!"

Continued in Phase 1: Part 7

[loquaciousquark]

Talks Machina Highlights - Critical Role C2E45 (Dec. 18, 2018)

Evening, all! @eponymous-rose​ is off tonight with such silly things like family and events and real life obligations, so I’m here to make bad jokes and have opinions instead.

For those who hadn’t heard, Brian & Ashley are engaged as of this week! Brian is taking both her last and first name to be ultra-progressive. Tonight’s guests: Sam Riegel & Matt Mercer. Matt is here willingly. Sam is not. We’re discussing Episode 45: The Stowaway, sponsored by LootCrate. Brian asks Sam for an impromptu song ad; he rhymes moot and loot and jigs and everyone is a little closer to death than they were a few moments prior.

Tonight’s announcements: Pub Draw & Name Drop are two new shows on the Critical Role channel--check out critrole.com for more details.

This Thursday’s episode is the last of 2018; Critical Role then returns on January 10.

Liam’s oneshot, The Night Before Critmas, airs at 7pm Pacific this Friday night. He’s been planning it for two years, and the VOD will be available December 23.

Talks Machina is also breaking for the holidays and will return on January 8, where they’ll have a cast-wide discussion on the state of the campaign so far. The questions open on Reddit, Twitter, and email on January 4th.

CR Stats: Nott has the most kills of the group with 37. The 45th HDYWTDT occurred in episode 45 as well. Twiggy’s dragon kill was the fifth guest kill of the campaign, and the 2nd guest HDYWTDT. In campaign one, guests got 22 kills and four HDYWTDTs. This was the longest episode of campaign two and the fourth longest of the series.

Matt and Deborah had met extensively to discuss backstory and mechanics, but hadn’t discussed much personality. The only person who wanted to check voice/accent was Khary (with Shakaste).

Deborah was one of the first guests they reached out to when they started streaming all that time ago, but she initially said no because D&D was such a personal thing for her and she didn’t want to share it with the internet. Everyone agrees she was worth the wait.

Everyone’s furious about Daredevil’s cancellation. :(

Sam thought it was fun to play alongside another Arcane Trickster because... “she was very good at it, all that great stuff that I forget to do.” Nott was jealous that many of the things that made her unique were present in Twiggy. However, the jealousy was later reversed because of how excellent Twiggy was in the fight.

The Happy Fun Ball was a narrative device Matt had been planning for a long time--he liked the idea of a pocket dungeon with lore attached. When they realized Deborah’s schedule would put her on a boat in the middle of nowhere, he found a perfect opportunity to bring it in.

Sam asks if Matt intended the device to be a one-use single episode thing, or something recurring, something for the party to further explore at their will. Matt explains very circuitously (and hilariously) that certain DMs may have in the planning of the introduction of the Happy Fun Ball originally intended for such Happy Fun Balls to leave with the guest, and were very surprised when said Happy Fun Ball (and all its hundreds of extraplanar rooms to explore) was left behind with the party instead. He then basically dares Sam to press a button and see what happens.

Nott doesn’t resent Fjord for touching the window or setting a time limit on the library exploration. While it was cool in the library, there were too many things attacking them.

Matt doesn’t necessarily intend his traps for Travis, but he likes having good buttons and bad buttons. “I just want shit to happen. Surprise me!” He admires the player that occasionally gets bold, rather than the one who always sends their minions out to touch all the tiles and trigger all the traps before they ever set foot in the dungeon. He also enjoys the meticulousness of Liam being at the same table as Travis’s impulsiveness.

Sam does not want the fans to send him larger flasks. His current flask holds 128 oz, which is exactly a gallon.

GIF of the Week: @criticalschluck with a hilarious movie-trailer-style GIF of Travis explaining he’s got an intelligence of 6 (Grog), then an intelligence of 14 (Fjord), then pushing buttons and experiencing... consequences.

Nott approves of Caleb’s choice to abandon the books to go back to the party. While she wants as much knowledge in his head as possible, it’s because “a smarter Caleb is a more powerful Caleb, and hopefully a Caleb that can stay alive a little longer.” Matt likes watching characters be put in situations where they have to choose between long-reaching character goals and the people they have chosen as their family. He was fascinated to see the struggle as he was ticking down the time on his sheet. He’s very excited to see what’s going to happen this Thursday.

Brian and Matt both fanboy over Sam’s 1hp decision.

Sam reflects on Jester’s being left behind--”not in a malicious way, you know, but sometimes in a big family someone gets left behind at a mall!”

Matt circuitously explains that the stained-glass window could be used to access other places. This man’s being slipperier than soap suds on wet tile tonight.

Nott was aware that the hit she took for Jester could have been a killing blow, but she was ready--”it was what goes through her head around Caleb a lot: ‘I’ve got to protect my friends.’” She’s very protective and very maternal, and Sam would have been okay if that had been the last of Nott.

Both Sam and Liam (and others) have begun to experience the in- and out-of-game changes that come with finally beginning to really know these characters. They certainly wouldn’t have died for each other at the beginning of the game, even knowing how hard their friends worked on these characters. It was originally a “system shock” (as Matt puts it) which required check-ins after certain blow-ups at the beginning of the campaign to make sure they (the players) were all okay. Now, though, they’re closer and closer to being willing to die for each other for both in-game and meta reasons.

Sam reflects on how both Caleb and Nott hate themselves, but manifest that very differently in how they treat other people. Caleb withdraws and puts up thick walls; Nott is quick to trust and care about everyone.

Nott is least close to Yasha at the moment. She’s still a li’l scared of her.

Matt had a few battle options planned out regarding which parts of which chamber were futzed with. The black tapestry was the one curtain they didn’t mess with that would have led to a “very rough encounter.” Matt had six maps built off-stage, just in case.

Sam’s backup character is a handsome actor named Sam Seagull.

Brian is annoyed that every encounter starts with the chat screaming “TPK.” Matt: “I hope not. That’d be my fault if that happened.”

While the dragon was very powerful, Matt had expectations that the party would understand very quickly that the fight didn’t necessarily have to end with the dragon’s death--he wanted them to understand the challenge was the exit, not the dragon. However, they came in in a different order than he’d anticipated, including party staggering, and that was when he started to get nervous.

Whatever magic had first triggered the first crystal would have been the same magic required to open the second door. It was proximity-based.

Fanart of the Week: @tehsasquatch, with this super-cool portrait of Nott.

On whether Nott feels as if she’s earned her comma: sometimes, especially in encounters like these, Nott feels just for a moment that she can be brave, she can be useful, she can be heroic--and then the moment it’s over the world comes crashing back down. When she’s out of those moments, she feels that she’s still just a goblin.

Is Sam ready for Nott to get the spotlight Fjord’s currently in?

Sam: No. Matt: [very intense face]. There’s a lot of backstory elements that he and Matt know that no one else is aware of, and he’s nervous about those coming to light.

The Traveler’s appearance was complete improv. Matt was reading the situation and the emotions and looking for ways to facilitate a heroic story, and when the dice worked in her favor, he felt it would be a wonderful, dramatic story beat to suddenly include--especially since the Traveler hadn’t responded much recently. Matt: “Yeah, that was really cool.”

The Traveler/Jester relationship has evolved in ways Matt both did and did not expect. He wasn’t sure how seriously Jester was going to take it. It’s the difference between believing in something and allowing that thing to define you as a person. He loves it. Sam: “The Traveler...is Taryon, right?”

Nott doesn’t see Caleb as abandoning her at all. “He’s a weak, puny man who needs to get himself out of danger.” It would have actually been harder if Caleb had been there, because if Nott had had to make a choice as to who to protect, Jester would be dead.

After Beau’s emergence from the orb, she probably for a few minutes would have thought that they were all dead behind her. It wasn’t that hours or days had passed--just a few minutes. Matt found Beau’s and Caduceus’s conversation at the end very fascinating and compelling, especially as a way to end the episode.

Nott agrees that Jester is not as happy and fine as she appears to be, especially after their talk about boys, but doesn’t feel it’s as severe as Caleb’s issues. “Jester’s a functional person.” However, Sam’s excited they’re getting past the “flitty person from the first half of the campaign” to the “core of sadness” as the story progresses.

Matt’s sure Yasha was not happy at all that her friends all disappeared without warning. “She spent six days thinking her friends were never going to come back. She doesn’t cry in a corner; she’s familiar with grief and loss. She hardens herself and moves on.” He’s hoping they’ll get to see some of that this week.

Critmas Spotlight: The Blind Weaver, a really, really cool 3D painting by a lady named Elaine Ryan, which has layers upon layers of polyurethane stained to make an amazing effect. See @elaineryanart on twitter and tumblr for more!

Talks Machina: After Dog

They decide where guests sit at the time of the episode. Matt likes to avoid the edges so they don’t feel like the outlier. Sam requests no attractive guests be placed immediately adjacent to him so that it does not detract from his glory. “That’s why I sit next to doggo Laura Bailey.” Brave man. Brave, foolish man.

Sam likes oatmeal raisin cookies. I am DELIGHTED, WHAT AN OLD MAN WHO SHARES MY TASTE. He also likes Werther’s, which is bringing back so many memories of my grandmother’s house. Matt likes ginger snaps, which are my favorite Christmas cookies also. I would kill for ginger snaps right now. Matt and Sam both are excited about pumpkin pie.

Essential D&D gifts, per Matt: dice, PHB, HeroForge custom minis if you really want to get them excited. He finds that getting in there and making a character can really help hook someone on the visual aspect & get invested in their character. Everything else is fluff. Sam suggests a music playlist for the first game; when he ran his first game with his kids, he liked having gridded paper to draw the maps on.

Matt does not feel that the crew of the ship has been mistreated, but they have been “neglected and dragged through places they didn’t expect.” He does think they’ll talk about everything they’ve done to all their friends and family when they get home in a very “you won’t believe this!” kind of way.

Sam always wears the same tie when he’s voice directing and on the first day of a new show. He’s wearing it tonight and can’t discuss the new show.

Favorite holiday movies! Brian: “Love, Actually” and “Die Hard,” as well as “Miracle on 34th Street.” Matt loves “A Christmas Story” (my favorite also, bless this man). Sam likes “Prancer” and “Scrooged,” but realizes mid-sentence that this is Brian’s first Talks as an engaged man.

Brian on proposing: ”It’s...the best.” They’d been together for over six years & met during the first Last of Us game. Brian describes himself as a former “piece of shit” and a very different person back then. Ashley had no expectations that he was going to propose & was totally surprised. Gah, this is too romantic.

Brian: “I always imagined for years what that moment would be like, and this topped all of my expectations... What more can you really hope for in this life than to feel that feeling with another person? It’s to me the pinnacle of our human experiences to be able to say ‘I’ve been through hell and yet found someone that I can definitely say I want to spend all the days of my life on this earth with,’ and the fact that it happened is fucking cool. It’s like heroin with none of the bad side effects.”

It was extremely stressful--but only the logistics. Apparently Matt’s proposal was extremely logistically intensive; Brian sympathizes.

And on that lovely, quiet note, we’re done for the night. Happy holidays, everyone. <3

[roaminginspiration]

The Empty Space Next to Me

chap 1 (x)  / chap 2 (x) /  chap 3 (x) / chap 4 (x) / chap 5 (x) / chap 6 (x) / chap 7 (x) / chap 8 (x) / chap 9 (x)

Chapter 10

Her words snatch his voice away. Katherine is looking at him quietly, not having anything more to add.

Before he can say anything, the front door opens again and Eliza appears. She smiles.

“You didn’t’ get lost, did you?” she asks from the porch. She helps herself with the railings to go down the stairs, walks up to them and gives him a hug.

“It’s good to see you Eliza,” he says.

“When are you going to say that I look younger?” she teases.

“That was my very next sentence,” he answers with a smile.

Eliza chuckles and pats his arm. He slips it under hers and after glancing at Katherine, walks the woman back inside the house.

An hour later, dinner is ready. Katherine has coincidentally cooked his favorite meal. When he glances at his plate and looks back at her with a pleasantly surprised look, he finds her smirking at him knowingly as she sits down.

The three of them chat away for most of the evening and it feels like being at home again.

The next day he has resumed his usual routine. After spending most of the morning painting the furniture in one of the bedrooms, he heads outside to finish the window frames. Riley is chasing squirrels like the formidable hunting hound she believes she is.

He is about to hit the nail when Riley runs right between his legs, making him strike sideways, resulting in the nail pierce through the thin skin between his thumb and forefinger. He lets out a groan and tells off Riley far gone, chasing away.

He removes the nail but his hand is already throbbing as the first red mark has already blemished the skin. Blood soon clogs up to the surface then begins to stream down. He grabs the towel hanging nearby and wraps it around the hand. He makes his way to the kitchen where he knows the first aid kit is kept.

Katherine walks in as he is looking into the drawers. Her facial features tense as she catches sight of the blood-stained towel.

“What happened?” she asks in a concerned voice.

“It’s okay. I accidentally hit my hand with a nail.”

She furrows her brows deeply. He pauses to look at her. “I know. Just don’t laugh at me…just yet.”

She walks behind the kitchen counter and steps in front of him. She unwraps the towel and takes a look. She opens the faucet and puts his hand under the running water. She then grabs one of the tea towels and wraps it around his hand again.

“Go and take a seat,” she instructs.

He complies and goes to sit at the main table while she opens one of the cupboards. She comes a few seconds later and turns one of the chairs so she can sit right in front of him. She asks him to lay his arm on the table and she unwraps the towel.

She opens the kit, takes out wipes and antiseptic. She pours some and gently wipes it across the wound. Then, using a new wipe she gently pats the area around it.

“If it stings you can groan, you know?” she comments, eyes focused on the task.

“I was trying to impress you.”

She smirks slightly. “Consider me impressed — I now know you are not a cry-baby.”

It makes him chuckle. Somehow, it is a talent of hers to make him laugh while patching him up. He recalls the time she wrapped a bandage around his waist after he had cracked a rib on one of their unofficial missions during their two years in the run.

“You’re not supposed to be laughing, Steve,” Natasha warned as she was tied up the bandage. But he could not stop — she had made one of those sassy remarks of hers and it had triggered his laughter. As painful as it was.

It had taken three days for Sam to come and pick them up — not the best three days of his life, but not the worst either. Natasha had made it more bearable like only she had the secret.

Katherine tears open a paper pouch and takes out the dressing. She lays it on the wound and cuts up the surgical tape. As she finishes wrapping it up, she smiles to herself pensively.

“Accidentally hitting your hand with your nail. This owie certainly does not compare with the type of injury Captain America would get,” she says softly, almost whimsical.

“No, indeed. But I’m not complaining,” he answers. “In fact, I could get used to these.”

She takes her eyes off the dressing and looks up at him. They stare silently at each other while her fingertips are still wrapped around his hand, and he feels the soothing warmth that emanates from it.

She clears her throat and looks down at their hands. She gently moves it away and gathers up the first aid kit equipment while he stretches his hand a bit.

“Kat,” he murmurs softly, then shakes his head softly, quite stunned about what he is about to say. “About you and Jake…I’m sorry.”

Katherine frowns, a little incredulous.

“You’re…sorry?” she repeats.

Somehow it feels very similar to that party in the Avengers tower when he told Banner to go for it. It had hurt, but he had meant what he said. Because nothing mattered more than her happiness. And if Jake made her happy, then, as satisfying it is to him to know he will not see him around, he cannot help but feel concerned about her feelings.

“You said he’s the person you’ve known the longest.”

“You’re the person I’ve known the longest. Even if I can’t remember it,” she corrects him matter-of-factly.

He nods. “Right. But he’s the one who helped you find your bearings and he made you happy…for a while…That can never be erased.”

Katherine does not speak a word at first, then she quietly scoffs. She arches an eyebrow and stares at him intently with the shadow of a smirk.

“Sentiment? In this day and age? What are you, from 1925?” she comments musingly, left stunned by his genuine sympathy for a situation he should only rejoice about.

Her eyes probe him with new, deeper, appreciation. Amazement, perhaps.  

He smiles sheepishly, overpowered by her enthralling and unsettling gaze.

“1945, actually.”

She bites her lip. “Right.”

She slowly gets up, holding the kit, and goes to the kitchen. As she walks behind him, she gently presses her hand on his shoulder, wordlessly thanking him.

___________________________________

Almost a week later, his unexpected and brief departure is forgotten. Working in the patio, he watches the family of four who stayed for five days check out. The little boy, Joshua, with fluffy dirty blond hair waves at him while clutching his mother’s leg with his other arm. Steve waves back. Just then, Katherine kneels down and hands the boy a freshly baked cookie. Then she brushes his cheek with her thumb and stands back up. Soon the happy guests pass through the door and the old engine of their car starts off.

Katherine comes into the patio, holding a plate, filling the air with the warm scent of dough.

“Cookie?” she asks.

“You heard my thoughts,” he smiles and reaches for one.

“Yeah, they were pretty loud.”

She goes to sit on the chair and watches him as he paints the new window frame.

“You know,” she begins. “I’m very impressed.”

He holds the brush still and smiles. “With the home improvement? Not gonna lie — I share your feeling.”

He takes a quick look around assessing all the work he has done around the house. If you looked past some irregular paint traces and other details, it looked decent. He suddenly realizes how much the guesthouse has changed since he arrived — the doors and flooring don’t creak and there is a subtle smell of freshness in the rooms where the walls have been painted, some furniture has been fixed or replaced making the house look kempt and even more agreeable.

“Among other things, yeah,” she concedes with a smile. “You’re not the person I thought Captain America would be. You…surprised me. For the better.”

He feels her gaze on him and turns to meet it.

“Who did you think I would be?” he asks.

She shrugs. “I don’t know. This stern, self-righteous, heroic figure.”

“Ouch,” he jokes.

She chuckles. “No offense. I didn’t mean it to sound harsh. My point is I guess I was afraid I could never connect with that person and all that he embodies. But you’re more than all this.”

He smiles softly — Katherine hasn’t taken her eyes off of him, conveying deep appreciation and a hint of gratitude.

“And you haven’t seen me cook yet,” he chimes in teasingly.

She arches an eyebrow with an intrigued expression. “You cook?”

“Once during the Blip I tried to cook you dinner — and it was quite a disaster. So after the last Snap, I decided to take on cooking classes.”

She laughs. “Looking for a career change?”

“Apparently I have quite a lot to choose from,” he answers, lifting up the paint brush in his hand. After a pause, he dips it into the pot and stirs slowly. He clears his throat.

“Maybe someday I could cook us both something…get a second shot.”

His eyes slowly drift over to her; she’s probing him silently. She leans over slightly.

“That’d be nice. I’ll be fair and count it as a first.”

And they smile.

Later in the afternoon, Steve pops in upstairs to his bedroom to change his shirt now that the painting work is over. Buttoning it up, he glances at his phone and finds a dozen miscalls from Sam, the last one being just a few minutes earlier. He calls back, pressing the phone between the side of his face and his shoulder.

“Steve?” Sam’s voice sounds grave, urgent.

“Anything wrong?” he asks.

Sam sighs. “I’m sorry about this. I tried to stop him but he wouldn’t listen. He was so pissed.”

Steve furrows his brows and holds the phone in his hand. “What is it?”

“He knows. And he’s on his way.”

The sound of a driving car comes to his ear. He walks over to the window and looks through.

He recognizes the figure in the car instantly and his jaw tenses.

“Gotta hang up, Sam. Thanks for the heads up,” he says hurriedly and drops the phone on the mattress before rushing downstairs, carefully glancing around but Katherine and Eliza are in the back garden.

He open the main door, walks down the porch stairs to the car. The figure steps out of the car and a deep frown come to his forehead upon seeing him. Steve expected no less of a reaction.

“Look, I can explain.” He begins.

“Is it true?” Clint mutters. “Is Tasha here?”

Steve reaches his side, anxious to remain standing between Barton and the door.

“Don’t you dare lie to me. F.R.I.D.A.Y. showed me the footage that you kept away from us.”

“I had to be sure it was her. I couldn’t give everyone false hope until I was sure.”

“That was over a month ago, which is when you decided to take that extended....,” Clint pauses, pursing his lips together and running a hand over the back of his head. “When I think that I was glad you were taking some time off to heal….but you were actually here with her.”

He sees an explosive combination of hurt and anger in his teammate’s eyes.

“It’s complicated, she has amnesia and she doesn’t want…”

Clint is pacing around. He suddenly flips around and, using all his strength, shoves him; Steve hardly moves.

“You had no right to keep her all to yourself,” Clint mutters, looking him hard in the eye.

Steve remains silent. He should have something to say in his defense, but it suddenly hits him no answer would be honest enough, because, deep down, he knows that what Barton said isn’t completely untrue.

Getting her back made him selfish, made him eager of her presence with boundless yearning.

“I’m sorry,” he begins but the other won’t hear a word. And it is the kind of anger he cannot blame him for. As Natasha’s best friend, he can only understand it. God knows how he would feel if the table had been turned.

“This isn’t about me right now — you can be mad at me all you want. But you have to respect who she is now. She doesn’t want to go back.”

“Yeah, I wonder why she wouldn’t,” Clint hisses.

The front door swings open and the object of their heated feud comes through with a quizzical expression.

“Steve? Is everything all right?” she asks.

Barton’s eyes are fixed on her, welling up. She eyes him warily before turning her attention back on Steve.

“She goes by Katherine, now,” Steve whispers with pleading eyes. “You gotta respect that. Please.”

She comes up to them. Clint is now holding back his tears, staring at her.

“It’s so good to see you,” he murmurs.

She glances at Steve. He gives her a reassuring nod. “This is Clint Barton.”

She blinks, processing the information, as she has heard this name a few times before. She understands why she is the recipient of such an emotional surge.

“Hi,” she says with a sheepish grin.

Clint takes her in his arms, brushing the back of her hair. She lets herself be hugged and politely rests the light touch of her hand on his shoulder. Her eyes wander to Steve then fall low, pensive.

“It’s so good to see you,” he smiles through his teary eyes.

She takes him inside the house while Steve remains standing behind by the car. He puts his hands to his waist and sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose.

It took barely the afternoon for Clint to befriend Katherine. His innate, underlying sarcasm naturally appealed to her humor and was enough to start things off. They barely discussed the past yet found plenty to talk about. It seemed that no matter it is in this life or another, Clint and every version of Natasha were simply meant to get along. Like kindred souls drawn to each other always. It almost seemed like they picked up their friendship right where they had left it off, except it did not carry the weight of their tumultuous past and the memory of their painful separation.

At the end of the day, after having gone for a walk around the property, Clint and she head back to his car.

“I love my place and I’ve always had a thing for the farm life but you really took countryside to a whole new level,” he comments with a smirk.

She chuckles. “You can stay tonight if you like,” she offers.

Clint eyes her fondly then smiles.

“Nah. I know you’re not ready yet. But don’t rest easy — I’ll be back soon. Eliza is a keeper by the way.”

He cups her face and smiles. “It’s so good to see you,” he repeats as he first saw her.

He briefly glances at Steve — his anger has morphed into quiet resentment.

_________________________________________

The following evening, they have dinner. Steve can sense Clint’s visit has left a mark on Katherine. She eats quietly, with a pensive look and an uneasy mind.

As she heads upstairs to her room, he follows her to the staircase.

“Kat,” he murmurs. “If you need to talk, I’m here.”

She nods without a word and slowly goes up the stairs.

He goes to his room later and lies in bed sometime before he finally drifts to sleep. In the middle of the night, as the moon hangs high in the sky, a door creaks open. Cushioned footsteps tread along the carpet in the hall and sneak into the bedroom.

Sleeping on his back, Steve feels the mattress shift as someone climbs into the bed, and a warm figure nestles against his chest. He cracks his eyes open and looks down, finding Katherine’s head pressed on his torso.

She speaks, probably made aware he has awoken by his racing heartbeat.

“I couldn’t sleep,” she whispers, face down.

He feels all of her half-bare body against him.

“It’s okay,” he whispers back.

She holds her arm out to lay across his chest. “I need you,” he hears her say.

Steve cautiously raises his forearm, elbow propped on the mattress and holds it still hesitantly. He eventually lowers it down to drape over her back. For the first time, he can see how little she feels in his arms.

“I’m here,” he says softly.

Her head stirs, turns to look at him. “I know,” she whispers assuredly.

They gaze at each other for a little while then she drops her head back on the same warm spot.

He finally utters the question that has been on his mind for several hours.

“How did it go with Clint?”

She takes a couple of seconds before answering. “Well, surprisingly. I think he was a little mad at you but I pleaded your cause.”

He chuckles and feels hers echo through his chest. “Thanks.”

After a short silence, he whispers:

“I’m glad you two got along.” And he is, truly.  But he also feels a pinch in his heart, the unreasonable fear she will inevitably grow closer to Barton, that the bond he has been working on building with her will lessen now that her best friend has walked back into her life. Unreasonable and incredibly selfish but he cannot help thinking it. “He was the most important person in your life.”

“Yeah, I guess,” she says detachedly. “But if I may say he’s not the person I spent the last nine years of my life with, stood by with through thick and thin. It’s gotta mean something, right?”

He frowns. “Mean what?”

Kat shrugs. “That’s what I’m trying to figure out.”

They remain lying still in this position, drawing comfort and peace from one another.

[drabblesandheadcanons]

A terrible horrible no-good very bad day Pt 2

Foster Au continued. Credit to @bessie-bass-on-the-bass for the Au idea!

School is… school. That she now gets to walk into school with Kitty is an improvement- no one looks at her when they can look at Kitty instead- and she knows she doesn’t have to worry about anyone trying to talk to her.

Things are more tricky when they have to go to their separate classrooms- the Year 8 form rooms are not even in the same part of the school as the Year 10 ones.

Her own classes are… a struggle. She’s aware that she sticks out. She’s used to being New- she’s been New so many times before- but that doesn’t mean she enjoys it and she knows it’s only a matter of time before New becomes replaced with something less innocuous: she’s been the girl who had a panic attack in assembly, the girl who never brought in lunch, the girl who cried when they were reading out loud in English.

She doesn’t want to know what it will be at this school- but whatever it is, she isn’t deluded enough to hope that she can get by on being known only as Kitty Seymour’s little sister.

The school corridors are a gauntlet of noise- too many voices all at once, too many eyes upon her, and there’s so much touching- people push and squeeze by, jostling bags and coats, and she’s being swept along in a wave of tightly packed students, the ceiling lights over bright and the air thick with rain-damp clothing drying and a miasma of body sprays.

There’s laughter- then a roar of almost animal ferocity as someone way back braces themselves against the mass, forces themselves forward, and then a wave of yelps and surprised squeaks as those in front are being crushed, pulled off balance, stumbling and helpless, and still those behind keep pushing, keep pushing- and just as Joan feels like she can’t hold back the scream that’s building in her chest, just as she feels herself tipping into uncontrollable panic, it lets up and everyone is righting themselves, pushing each other away, angry and flustered.

The anger is always at each other- never towards the faceless causer of cruel chaos but at those unlucky enough to be victim to it; sharp faces, sharp hands, sharp voices, prod and chide Joan away- she’s trodden on someones toe, knocked into someone else’s bag, and she’s still mumbling apologies when she gets to the classroom.

The day drags from the first. 

She’s managed to forget her homework- the homework that had given her hours of anxiety (science is not her best subject) until Kitty popped into her room while she was still at her desk to ask if she wanted some hot chocolate, before seeing the state she was in. 

With Kitty’s help, it had still taken her over an hour to complete… but eventually she’d been able to put her pen down, pick up her (now cold) hot chocolate and shuffle her papers together…. only to utterly fail to put the work back into her school bag.

The sick sinking feeling settles on her stomach half a moment before the teacher calls for the work to be handed in, and she accepts the scolding and detention silently, her eyes stinging.

It’s not a big deal, she knows it isn’t a big deal- at least, it shouldn’t be a big deal. No one else would even really register it. But the feeling of failure, of being a disappointment (yet again, yet again) still sticks to her, impossible to brush off.

There’s a substitute teacher in the next class- Geography- who is obviously slightly overwhelmed by them all. The room feels claustrophobic- the usual routine is thrown off by the teacher’s absence and everyone is taking advantage of this, moving around and between the desks, crowding and pushing and shouting to one another, and to Joan, it feels like there isn’t quite enough air for them all.

When the teacher eventually snaps, it’s loud and prolonged and in the front row, Joan feels extra exposed- she feels righteous anger radiating from the substitute in the front of the class, and resentful anger building in the rows behind, and she’s trapped in the middle.

The rest of the lesson is fraught and the teacher is tense- she snaps at Joan to pay attention when she sees her looking out of the window and the giggles that follow make her face feel hot. 

Kitty would be able to deal with this, she knows- Kitty-at-school always seems to her to be just as confident as Kitty-at-home (which surprised Joan slightly at first, who was all ready to be asked to refrain from approaching or talking to or about her foster sister in public- it’s something she’s been asked before, more than once, and it doesn’t really upset her much anymore).

She thinks about what Kitty would do in the same situation- and she suddenly wishes her sister was in her class, making everything more bearable just by being there.

But she isn’t. Of course she isn’t.

History is a little easier- there’s a test, which they have to do in silence, and although she knows she hasn’t done as well as she maybe could have done, it’s nice to have a chance to gather herself: the quiet is a restorative, even if it is over much, much too soon.

Going from the quiet classroom to the chaos of the corridor is a little bit painful though, and she has to fight the wave of panic that washes over her- for a second, she freezes in the doorway- I can’t, I can’t- but then someone is pushing her from behind, telling her to hurry up, and accustomed to doing what she is told, she does.

There’s a pressure inside her, a growing tightness in her chest.

She usually escapes to the music room for lunch. After discovering it on her second day, it’s been a godsend for her, for a couple of reasons: it’s quiet, not all the lights work so it’s nicely dim, and most importantly, it’s nearly always empty, save for Bessie, who is basically paid to make sure nothing goes too badly wrong with the schools music and drama department and who is rarely seen by anyone who isn’t Joan.

(When Joan first saw her, she was hunched over a keyboard that’d had something pink and sticky looking spilled over it and muttering darkly to herself, and Joan had involuntarily shrunk back from the woman with the dark lipstick and the tattoos covering her arms and the dont-mess-with-me set to her jaw.

That was before she knew Bessie though. 

Not that she knows her well now or anything, she just knows enough to not be afraid of her and to be reasonably certain that Bessie isn’t going to turn against her any time soon. 

Now, she knows about Bessie’s weakness for Milky Ways and about the four cats that carries around photos of in her wallet. She knows that Bessie can play the bass guitar in a way that makes it look easy. And she knows about Maggie, the music room’s other occupant- two years below Joan but looking much younger. She seldom speaks (if Joan hadn’t seen her talking her the curly haired girl who pops in and out sometimes, she wouldn’t be entirely certain that Maggie did speak at all) but she follows Bessie around like a baby duckling when she isn’t in class and Bessie- who most students seem to edge away from- manages to seem almost soft when she’s talking to Maggie. 

Maggie doesn’t talk to Joan but she doesn’t avoid her either, and actually not talking suits Joan quite well, and so the music room has become a sanctuary of sorts- a refuge for her and Maggie, with Bessie watching over like a fierce mother bear.

(It’s not an exaggeration- Joan once saw Bessie tearing into two Year 10 boys who had followed behind Maggie, calling her ‘vampire psycho’- especially cruel because as far as Joan can tell, Maggie has never bitten anyone other than herself- and the force of Bessie’s anger had made her heart almost beat out of her chest, even though she knew it wasn’t directed at her. She wonders sometimes if Bessie would defend her like that, but never for too long.)

She’s looking forward to the quiet peace of the music room- really, really looking forward to it, the thought of being able to hide herself away in the quiet calm for a while is basically what’s keeping her going at this point-

-but when she gets there, the door is locked and the room is dark.

She stands there, helplessly, clutching her bag and wondering what has happened. She’s sort of hoping that if she just stands there, Bessie will appear and open the door for her and she’ll be able to settle into her usual corner, and listen to Bessie wish violent curses upon whoever has damaged the piano that week….but it doesn’t work, and then there’s footsteps and a cross voice behind her asking what she’s doing, why she’s there, doesn’t she know she shouldn’t be in this [art of the building and does she think she’s better than the other students?

It’s so unexpected, and it’s stupidly made worse by the fact that it’s happening here, just outside her safe (for school) place.

She can’t move and she can’t talk and her lack of reaction is just making things worse, it seems- she’s insolent, she’s arrogant, she’s headed the right way for a detention- and although part of her knows that this is school, that there are rules which prevent anything really bad happening to her, another part of her is tensed up and wondering where the first blow will hit her first (her face so it will hurt more, her shoulder where a bruise can be hidden by clothes?)

She can feel the pain of it even though the blow itself never actually comes- instead, she’s barked at to get outside and somehow, she’s able to move, she’s walking, she’s down the corridor and out of the door, her eyes burning and her throat tight.

She’s not sure where she’s going- all her focus is on keeping the tears back- so she ends up just walking until the bell goes.

She could go to find Kitty, she knows she could- Kitty had been very emphatic that she should feel free to come and seek her out any time at school if she needed her, or even if she just wanted some company.

(She hasn’t summoned up the courage for it yet but Kitty has come across her once or twice and insisted she come to sit with her and Cathy and Anne and Anna. She’d been so nervous the first time but it hadn’t actually been too bad- Cathy had smiled warmly at her over the top of the notebook she was scribbling in and Anna had made room for her on the picnic table they’d dumped their bags all over. Anne had been quick to voice her opinion that Joan was an ‘old lady’ name and Joan had been poised to flee- but Kitty’s gentle hand on her arm had kept her in place and when Anne had finished her thought (‘It’s almost as bad as my name!’) and started offering round a packet of starbursts, she’d passed it to Joan first as if it was normal to do so.)

She knows she could go and find Kitty- but she won’t. As much as she wants her foster sister right now, she also feels like if Kitty is nice to her, she’ll cry and she really, really doesn’t want to… and there’s another part of her too that doesn’t want to ruin Kitty’s day by being needy. She doesn’t want to make Kitty regret her invitation- it’s far better if she just never takes it up so that Kitty need never have to worry about how to politely retract it.

Eventually, the bell goes. It occurs to her, as it does, that she never actually got around to eating the lunch in the bottom of her bag, and it’s that moment that she realises she’s hungry.

But it’s too late now, everyone is streaming back to class, so she follows.

Her first afternoon class is worse than the morning- perhaps it’s that she’s hungry, perhaps it’s that she can’t shut off the shouting and flashes of pain in her own head, perhaps it’s just a result of everything building up and building up, but whatever it is, she’s having to hold herself together. Her fingernails dig into her palms, she fights to keep her breathing steady.

She’s not paying a huge amount of attention to what’s going on in the class around her but eventually, she registers a disturbance behind her/

Loud obnoxious questions turn louder and louder until there’s shouting- a chair is overturned, and someone is storming out of the room, furiously muttering- she wants to cover her ears,to hide from the anger- and as they pass, a hand suddenly comes up and pushes her head forward. It’s not very hard but it’s unexpected, it jolts her. It’s not personal, she knows that really- it’s more just that she is an easy and convenient target- one of the quiet ones who are there to be tripped and pushed so that others can laugh at their stumbling confusing, who are there to have things thrown at them so that others can have the benefit of their distress. She’s an outlet of anger in the same way that the chair is overturned, the exercise book thrown on the floor, the worksheet ripped and crumpled- she feels the truth of this in one quick flash, and the anger of it too, and then, then she’s out of her chair, turning- the owner of the hand is only a step or two away, and she’s on him, clawing like a cat, hitting as hard as her pathetic strength will allow, and someone is shrieking, ‘no, no, no’ over and over, and it’s her.

There are voices around her, and several stinging blows to the side of her head, and then there are hands upon her, pulling her back and away, and she’s clawing at the empty air, throat raw and her face wet with blood and with tears.

[jaimistoryteller]

Sota’s GoFundMe Update Chronicles

I realize that some might wish to be able to read all the updates together, but I don’t want to add them to the previous GoFundMe Post because then it gets to be a bit huge. So I am making this masterpost to keep copies of all his updates beneath the cut. 

Sota’s GoFundMe Link

8/20/18

Hello Folks,

I hate to have to ask for help again, but my precious boy is sick and needs to see the vet for a series of tests to see if the medication and special diet he’s been put on to help him is working or not. Any and all help, whether sharing or financial, is appreciated.

For those on twitter, I have a pinned post if you would be kind enough to share, that would be appreciated.

Thank you all for taking the time to read this,

Jaimi

8/21/18 Update

Thank you so much to the people who shared this or have given money towards his medical bills. Currently at 30 dollars. I know at a minimum I will need 450 dollars.

Sota is eating his canned food from the special diet the way the vet was hoping he would. He’s also taking his meds without fighting too much.  Both of which are positive signs.

Another positive sign is it is taking his body longer to process water. He’s not just drinking, peeing, drinking more. He seems to be retaining part of it. *fingers crossed*

After realizing the water at my house could be part of the problem, because we live near one of the military bases that is being tested currently, I got some gallon water for my pets, and Sota seems to like it more.

8/22/18

Today’s been a good day for Sota, he’s eaten a can and a half of food, and taken his meds. He was sparky when I tried giving him his shot, and didn’t want to hold still for it.

I am at 60 of the 450 minimum for the next vet appointment, all help is vastly welcome and appreciated!

8/23/18 

Thank you so much to all you wonderful people for helping me get to 105 dollars. I know without you all giving and sharing, it never would have happened! Sota is being very feisty today! I am excited to report that he is drinking, eating and litter boxing properly.   He spent almost an hour playing for the first time in weeks! Of course, he spent four hours napping afterwards, but I still count it as a win. Thank you all so much. I am hopeful the blood work will show positive results.

8/26/18 Update

There’s been no new improvements today, but he’s stable, for which I am thankful, and he took his meds with very little fighting, only some cat glaring.

Still trying to get to the 450, right now at 105 on here, 20 on paypal, and 20 cash from an craft fair. That puts me at 145 of the 450.  There’s still a few weeks left, but I’d like to have the money at least four days a head of time, so I can transfer it over and know it will be available when I go to the vet.

Thank you once more to everyone who has shared or donated, it means more than words can express.

8/28/18 Update

Sorry I didn’t update yesterday, I wasn’t feeling good and wasn’t online much. 

For the most part Sota seems to have stabilized. He’s not a fan of meds but takes them without arguing, his special diet is hit or miss however. Sometimes he eats it no problems, other times he argues with me about it.  

Thank you to everyone who has shared in some form or donated. I am still working on building up the funds for his appointment on September 19th, so if you could keep sharing that is greatly appreciated. 

8/30/18 Update

I hope you are well.

Sota is eating and drinking properly but doesn’t want to take his shot, which is tricky. He needs the shot but is being stubborn. At least he takes his daily meds without arguing!

There has been no changes in how much I have raised. Any and all reblogs, shares on twitter or facebook, are vastly appreciated!

9/3/18 Update

Yesterday I did the craft fair, which ended up only adding five dollars to my over all amount of money for Sota cause I had to get ink to print some new business cards. Hopefully those cards will help people come my way.

That said, he’s still responding to medication. Today’s been a stubborn day, where he doesn’t want to take it, but he needs to.  Thankfully, he’s at least not being stubborn with his food today.

Please continue sharing so the chances of hitting the 450 needed for his vet visit on the 17th.

9/4/18 update

Besides saying that Sota ate his food without argument and took his meds without arguing, I don’t really have anything to update.

Still at the same point for the GoFundMe, please continue to share. If you could also share it on twitter and Facebook that’d be vastly welcome and I would be massively grateful.

9/10/18 update

Sorry it’s been a few days since I last updated. I’ve been sick, so I went to the doctor who put me on antibiotics that just happen to make me sleep. A lot.

Sota’s doing well on the meds and special food, he even seems to have put some of the weight he lost back on.

A wonderful anon donated 500 dollars, which pays for the visit on the 17th and starts towards his October visit. I am grateful beyond words to said anon, as I was fretting about how I was going to raise the rest of the money since it had been a few days since anyone had donated.

I am thankful to all of you, those who have donated or shared in some form. You are all amazing.

I politely request that you all continue to share, since I know he will need an appointment in October as well.

9/12/18 Update

Sota’s doing better it seems. He ate an entire can of cat food and let me give him his meds with no arguing.

It’s less then a week before his next appointment. I am hoping that it goes well. That the improvements I am noticing are real and not just the meds controlling the symptoms.

Thank you all to everyone who has shared this in some form, donated, or wished Sota well. I ask that you continue to do so. Take care,

9/15/18 Update

Thank you for all of the support, life went insane on me again, because apparently that’s a thing.

Sota has done well for the most part today, he had an upset stomach earlier, but I think that’s cause he was eating the wrong food, and it didn’t settle well. He took his meds well, for which I am thankful.

Monday is his vet appointment to check whether the meds and food change are actually helping or not. I am hoping they really are and will post an update then.

Please continue to share, thank you for everything,

9/17/18 Update

I was going to update earlier but ended up napping with Sota after my nerves stopped jittering. Today was his vet appointment. I am happy to report that it went well.

He hasn’t improved, which wasn’t surprising, but he hasn’t got worse, and that’s the important part. He’s stable.

There was a small adjustment to his medication and diet based on the tests we got today.  

He gets to go back in October for another round of tests. Hopefully after that I will be able to switch to every three months instead.

As of this moment his food and medication will be 50 dollars a month plus tax, for the rest of his life, but he will be a healthy, happy, and pain free cat.

Thank you to everyone who has shared or donated, if you could continue to do so, that’d be appreciated, just in case something surprise comes up. I will be adjusting the amount to include his medication for the rest of the year.

9/21/18

The last test results from the last round of testing just came back, while the first three were good/neutral, the fourth test was bad. So there will be another medication added to his diet.

As such, I will be adjusting the total to add the new meds and the testing needed to make sure that it is working.

Please continue to share. Thank you to everyone who has helped in some manner.

9/24/18 

I had intended to do an update yesterday, but ended up pain sleeping instead, the joys of chronic pain.

I got Sota's new medication, he is not thrilled to have to take a pill every day, but I think I got a system worked out for it.

He' still eating his special food, though he's becoming a bit of a social eater, and refuses to eat if I am not. I almost think this is his way of making sure I keep eating, since I keep forgetting.

Please continue to share this across the different social networks, all help is appreciated. You peeps are wonderful.

9/26/18

Sota's been on a new medication for the last five days.  Since starting it, he seems to want more food, which is an excellent sign. He's also retaining fluids  bit better, another excellent sign.

Unfortunately, I had some company the other day, and they introduced fleas to my house. As I would like to keep them from infecting all the cats, and Sota in particular as they drink blood and kidney problems cause a reduced blood making ability, I am going to be adding the cost of getting rid of them to the overall amount trying to raise.

9/29/18 

Sota has now been on his new meds a complete week. They appear to be helping. While he is not hungry for the first hour after he takes them, he does get hungry after that.

At this minute I have 180 of the 450 needed for the next vet visit on October 15th. I don’t have any of the money for the flea medication and house cleaning supplies to kill eggs.

It’s been suggested I make an amazon list, so here it is: Amazon List: Sota

Please keep sharing this across the various social medias as a way to raise awareness and get it to people who can help further. Thank you so much!

10/1/18

Sota’s seems to still be stable, thankfully. Sometimes he eats his cat food without arguing with me, other times I have to mix baby food with it, to encourage him to eat it. He’s taking his meds without problems, for which I am thankful.

As a wonderful peep bought several of the flea killing items off the amazon list, I was going to take that part off the over all amount to raise. Unfortunately, one of the tires on the car I take to the vet popped today, so it’s staying on there, because now I have to get the tire fixed before I go to the vet on the 15th.

I wish to say thank you to all the wonderful people who have helped fund his vet appointments and to those who keep sharing so peeps can do so.

10/5/18

I don’t have too much to say today. Sota’s been taking his meds, mostly without argument, though he’s not a fan of his shots. He’s eating his special food without argument, even asking for it now!

There hasn’t been any donations in the last few days. So I am still at 180 dollars of the 450 needed for the next round.

Please, please, please keep sharing this. There is only ten days until the next vet appointment, which means 8 days for the money to process so I have it when I get there.

10/10/18

Sota's been eating, though sometimes not as easily as I'd like, we play the 'what flavor food do you want today?' game quite often and he sometimes switches mid-meal to a different flavor.

He takes his meds without issues, and we've gotten to the point where he is no longer trying to run away as I give him the sub-q into his shoulders thankfully enough.

Right this moment I am 200 shy of what's needed for his next appointment.  I realize this is going on the third month of asking for help, it's still desperately needed, please share this across the various platforms so new individuals may see it and the chances of hitting the goal.

10/12/18

Not a lot of major changes to report.

 I got Sota and my other cats some new hard food, one that will be better for Sota for the days when he wants to eat it instead of his special food. He's rather pleased by this, thankfully it was the same price as the food they were on, so that helps the budget.

 Due to things outside my control, I am still 200 dollars short, and the appointment is Monday. Please, please, please, share this on the various social medias. I know he's a cat, but he helps me cope with my depression, comforts me when my pains really high, and reminds me of how to function.

 Thank you to each who have donated or shared it already, any more sharing is appreciated more then words can express.

[mtkthedreamer]

DL Character meme!

I got tagged by @mythicamagic, thank you!

Rules: List your top 10 favorite DL characters (it doesn’t just have to be the dateable guys, any characters are fair game) in order. And then answer the questions. Blank questions at the end.

1. Ruki 2. Laito 3. Carla 4. Shuu 5. Azusa 6. Yuuma 7. Yui 8. Kou 9. Kino 10. Subaru

(To be honest it was quite difficult... I mean, the order doesn’t really count from Shuu-san downwards... And Laito-kun is a particular case... whatever XD)

1. Number 5 (Azusa) has decided they want to completely change up their wardrobe and they take you shopping with them so you can give your opinions on what new outfits they should buy. What sort of clothes are you going to recommend?

Yeee, shopping with Azusababy \(♥w♥)/ I guess I would recommend him to buy comfortable clothes, and possibly the cheaper ones... but paying attention to their quality too; this, in general. Then, I also think I would probably tell him that fair colors and blue tones suits him better... and I really like big-sized sweaters on him!

2. You walk into your room one day to find number 2 (Laito) standing on your bed, dancing to your favourite song while wearing nothing but your favourite underwear. How do you react?

"LAITO, ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND, YOU’RE A PERVERT, NOT A GROSS ONE- Ah, no, wait” *thinkings pose as Laito’s like “Aw, Bitch-chan, that’s mean, I was just teasing you D:”, feigning innocence ‘cause he’s a damn old fox*

3. Number 7 (Yui) has to go to the dentist but they’re adamantly refusing. How would you persuade them to go?

I guess I’d try to scare poor Yui-chan about how her teeth could deteriorate in the future because she neglected them by not going to the dentist to check on them. I’m cruel, I know. I’d be a good mother

4. You lose a bet with number 6 (Yuuma) and now have to be their personal maid for a day. Do you go through with it or do you try to get out of it?

There’s a reason as to why I don’t make bets, and this is why lol; anyway, in this case, I’d just go through with it... I just hope Yuuma-kun wouldn’t make me do... strange things... He’s not Laito-kun, but...

5. Number 4 (Shuu) takes you to see a horror movie however they end up getting absolutely terrified halfway through and bury their head into your shoulder. How do you react?

OMG MY EX-CRUSH IS BURYING HIS HEAD INTO MY SHOULDER MTK.EXE STOPPED WORKING HE’S SCARED, HOW CUTE-

Wait, how can Shuu-san get even scared, isn’t he just using it as an excuse to sleep? Likely.

6. Number 9 (Kino) surprises you with a cake they’ve baked especially for you. Are you going to eat it?

This is suspicious. There’s a trap, right? 

7. Number 8 (Kou) accidentally manages to completely trash their room, to the point where it’s uninhabitable. They don’t have anywhere to stay while it’s being repaired and so they ask if they can room with you for the next couple of weeks. How do you respond?

YES Kou-kun is like a brother to me (not as much as Yuuma-kun), so I wouldn’t mind lending him my room... I can always sleep in the sitting room ;D lololol

8. Number 1 (Ruki) has decided to learn how to play the trumpet. The downside to this is that, for some reason, they’ve taken to practicing right outside your room around the time you normally go to sleep. What are you going to do?

It’s very unlikely that Ruki-san could do something like this (I mean play it at such a time), but in case... I guess I’d try to reason with him about this.

9. Number 10 (Subaru) recently purchased a cat onesie and they’ve insisted on wearing it everywhere over the past few days. They’ve now purchased a matching onesie for you and they’re being very insistent that you wear it and go out in public together. What do you do?

If Subaru-kun would really wear it in public, I think I would too. Two embarassed people at the same time; it’s better to share the embarassment, lol. It was a lost bet with Kou-kun or Ayato-kun/Laito-kun, right?

10. Number 4 (Shuu) is still scared after watching that horror film with you. It’s now late at night and they’re demanding that you let them sleep in your bed with you. What do you do?

SEE, I WAS DAMN RIGHT IT WAS ALL AN EXCUSE TO SLEEP

11. Number 3 (Carla) confesses to you that they want to be an Olympic gymnast but struggle to even touch their toes. What sort of advice do you give to them?

Carla-san knows magic, right? I would ask him if it was possible for him to cast some spell to resolve this, I guess? That’s not what magic is for MTK

12. Number 7 (Yui) decides they want to paint a picture of you. They make you sit still for hours while they work on it, only when they finally reveal it to you, the image bears absolutely no resemblance to you. They ask you for your opinion, what do you say?

“OMG, Yui-chan, you should keep on drawing, so that you can improve your talent and become a great artist! ;D By the way, this isn’t me, lol”

13. Number 5 (Azusa) buys a large pet python and they try to talk you into keeping it in your room. How do you respond?

YES 

Did he buy all the stuff necessary to keep this pet python?

14. You go on a Ferris wheel with number 6 (Yuuma) but when you reach the top, it stops moving and stays still for a long time. There seems to be some kind of fault, which means you’re trapped with number 6 till someone can get it working again. What do you do?

Probably panic because I’m somewhat scared of heigh places... or I would in this case, because we’re still. I’d try to keep calm, but... I’d eventually start crying and hyperventilating... I think Yuuma-kun wouldn’t really worry that much, haha.

15. Number 2 (Laito) proposes you play a game of twister. Regardless of whether you want to or not, you get dragged into it. As you’re playing, you notice number 2 seems to be touching you a lot more than necessary. Do you call them out on it, or take some other course of action?

=_= I knew this was going to happen... I’d try and scold him, but Laito-kun is Laito-kun, I can’t really do mu- No, I’d try slapping him in his face, too.

16. You’re getting changed in your room when you suddenly hear a noise from your wardrobe. You open the wardrobe to find number 3 (Carla) standing in it. How do you react?

"... did you find Narnia?” 

17. Number 1 (Ruki) manages to accidentally handcuff themselves to you. They don’t have a key and for some reason, no matter what either of you do, you can’t seem to get them off. What are you going to do?

*screaming internally and then fainting*

(Ruki-san’s my love interest, you know)

Let’s be serious, he’d keep on teasing me because I would blush so much and get so embarassed about this... but eventually, since I think we’re both rational people, we would try and find together a way to get these handcuffs off.

18. Number 10 (Subaru) presents you with a bouquet of roses and declares that they have feelings for you. How do you react?

“... sorry, let’s be friends? Thanks for the ros-” The roses would get destroyed and thrown away by him, since he got rejected... :( (and he’d be like “I was just joking, dumbass! Tch!” and leave while dying internally D: such a cruel fate...)

19. You go swimming with number 8 (Kou). You’re having a great time until they pull you aside and tell you that they’ve somehow lost their swimwear. Are you going to help them and if so how?

"STAY THERE I’LL GET THEM FOR YOU” I’d lend him my towel in the meantime? 

20. Number 5 (Azusa) wrote a love letter to you and slipped it into what they believed to be your locker, however the locker actually belongs to number 8 (Kou) and they didn’t bother writing your name on the letter. How does number 8 react when they find it?

Since Azusa-kun is his brother, I think Kou-kun would figure everything out and... either give it to me with a smirk on his face, teasing me about it, or... maybe go and tell Azusa-kun to write his name on it or whatever? Like, giving advice like a good brother?

21. Number 7 (Yui) gets very very drunk and tries to give number 3 (Carla) a strip tease. What happens?

... If everyone’s there, I think Carla-san wouldn’t be happy about it at all, and with Reiji-san and Ruki-san he would stop her... while Kou-kun, Yuuma-kun, Laito-kun and maybe Ayato-kun would encourage her and tease her (Shuu-san would comment, too, like “Heh, I knew you were a lewd woman”), I guess.

Of course, I’d help the big brothers stopping her.

22. Number 6 (Yuuma) and number 2 (Laito) get into a rap battle and they want you to be the judge. Who do you think is going to win and why?

I don’t know why, but I don’t think they would be that good at rapping... maybe Yuuma-kun would be a little better than Laito-kun. 

23. Number 1 (Ruki) accidentally ruins number 9’s (Kino) most prized possession and begs for your help in covering it up. What do you do?

Ah. You mean Kino-kun’s smartphone? Well... that’d be difficult to cover up. It’d be better and easier to buy him a new smartphone... in case it was completely broken. If it got just ruined, maybe we can substitute some parts? We’d ask someone related to this, probably. (Ruki-san begging, lol)

24. You wake up in between number 4 (Shuu) and number 10 (Subaru) with absolutely no memory of how you got there. Do you have any idea about what might have occurred and what are you going to do now?

We just fell asleep after watching some movies. That’s all. Actually, Shuu-san slept from the very beginning, then I fell asleep towards the end of the movie and at last Subaru-kun, after turning off the TV/whatever. 

25. You go on a camping trip with number 9 (Kino), number 6 (Yuuma) and number 3 (Carla). What sort of stuff do the four of you do together?

Kino-kun would keep on complaining that there’s no Wi-Fi to play on his smartphone, Yuuma-kun would observe the nature and Carla-san... Would he even know what it means to camp? XD He’s a King, he can’t sleep on the ground! lololololol I guess I’d just enjoy this time with them and... panic at night because I don’t like sleeping where insects can easily reach you in your “bed”...

26. Number 9 (Kino) and number 4 (Shuu) have somehow swapped bodies. How do they react and are you going to try to help them get back to normal?

... Shuu-san wouldn’t really care? He’d just keep on sleeping... but it’d be difficult for him to sleep, because, if I’m not mistaken, the long exposure to displays can influence this, right? And since Kino-kun’s a lot on his smartphone...! Kino-kun would take it easy, too, at first. But eventually, we would ask Reiji-san to solve this.

27. You’re playing a game of Monopoly with number 5 (Azusa), number 7 (Yui), and number 10 (Subaru). Who wins and who goes bankrupt and storms off in a rage?

Please. Subaru-kun would destroy everything at the very beginning. I think either Yui-chan or Azusa-kun would be very good at Monopoly, anyway. 

28. You go on a hike with number 8 (Kou) and number 2 (Laito). Number 8 is in charge of the map and they manage to get you completely lost in the middle of nowhere. What are you going to do?

Never trust Kou-kun, that’s for sure. GPS, anyone...? Or just teleport somewhere, for God’s sake.

29. Number 1 (Ruki) has given up on learning the trumpet and has taken up the banjo instead. They write a song and play it for you but it sounds beyond terrible. How do you react?

What’s “banjo”- *googles it* oh, ok. Hm... I guess... “Ruki-san... you should ask a musician, music is not my cup of tea :D” Am I safe?

30. Number 1 (Ruki) and number 2 (Laito) get in a fight over you. Number 2 manages to win and asks you for your hand in marriage. How do you respond?

“But I LOVE RUKI-SAN-”

I tag: @newchica, @nevaeh-naeva and whoever is interested to do this~!

Blank questions:

1. Number 5 () has decided they want to completely change up their wardrobe and they take you shopping with them so you can give your opinions on what new outfits they should buy. What sort of clothes are you going to recommend?

2. You walk into your room one day to find number 2 () standing on your bed, dancing to your favourite song while wearing nothing but your favourite underwear. How do you react?

3. Number 7 () has to go to the dentist but they’re adamantly refusing. How would you persuade them to go?

4. You lose a bet with number 6 () and now have to be their personal maid for a day. Do you go through with it or do you try to get out of it?

5. Number 4 () takes you to see a horror movie however they end up getting absolutely terrified halfway through and bury their head into your shoulder. How do you react?

6. Number 9 () surprises you with a cake they’ve baked especially for you. Are you going to eat it?

7. Number 8 () accidentally manages to completely trash their room, to the point where it’s uninhabitable. They don’t have anywhere to stay while it’s being repaired and so they ask if they can room with you for the next couple of weeks. How do you respond?

8. Number 1 () has decided to learn how to play the trumpet. The downside to this is that, for some reason, they’ve taken to practicing right outside your room around the time you normally go to sleep. What are you going to do?

9. Number 10 () recently purchased a cat onesie and they’ve insisted on wearing it everywhere over the past few days. They’ve now purchased a matching onesie for you and they’re being very insistent that you wear it and go out in public together. What do you do?

10. Number 4 () is still scared after watching that horror film with you. It’s now late at night and they’re demanding that you let them sleep in your bed with you. What do you do?

11. Number 3 () confesses to you that they want to be an Olympic gymnast but struggle to even touch their toes. What sort of advice do you give to them?

12. Number 7 () decides they want to paint a picture of you. They make you sit still for hours while they work on it, only when they finally reveal it to you, the image bears absolutely no resemblance to you. They ask you for your opinion, what do you say?

13. Number 5 () buys a large pet python and they try to talk you into keeping it in your room. How do you respond?

14. You go on a Ferris wheel with number 6 () but when you reach the top, it stops moving and stays still for a long time. There seems to be some kind of fault, which means you’re trapped with number 6 till someone can get it working again. What do you do?

15. Number 2 () proposes you play a game of twister. Regardless of whether you want to or not, you get dragged into it. As you’re playing, you notice number 2 seems to be touching you a lot more than necessary. Do you call them out on it, or take some other course of action?

16. You’re getting changed in your room when you suddenly hear a noise from your wardrobe. You open the wardrobe to find number 3 () standing in it. How do you react?

17. Number 1 () manages to accidentally handcuff themselves to you. They don’t have a key and for some reason, no matter what either of you do, you can’t seem to get them off. What are you going to do?

18. Number 10 () presents you with a bouquet of roses and declares that they have feelings for you. How do you react?

19. You go swimming with number 8 (). You’re having a great time until they pull you aside and tell you that they’ve somehow lost their swimwear. Are you going to help them and if so how?

20. Number 5 () wrote a love letter to you and slipped it into what they believed to be your locker, however the locker actually belongs to number 8 () and they didn’t bother writing your name on the letter. How does number 8 react when they find it?

21. Number 7 () gets very very drunk and tries to give number 3 () a strip tease. What happens?

22. Number 6 () and number 2 () get into a rap battle and they want you to be the judge. Who do you think is going to win and why?

23. Number 1 () accidentally ruins number 9’s () most prized possession and begs for your help in covering it up. What do you do?

24. You wake up in between number 4 () and number 10 () with absolutely no memory of how you got there. Do you have any idea about what might have occurred and what are you going to do now?

25. You go on a camping trip with number 9 (), number 6 () and number 3 (). What sort of stuff do the four of you do together?

26. Number 9 () and number 4 () have somehow swapped bodies. How do they react and are you going to try to help them get back to normal?

27. You’re playing a game of Monopoly with number 5 (), number 7 (), and number 10 (). Who wins and who goes bankrupt and storms off in a rage?

28. You go on a hike with number 8 () and number 2 (). Number 8 is in charge of the map and they manage to get you completely lost in the middle of nowhere. What are you going to do?

29. Number 1 () has given up on learning the trumpet and has taken up the banjo instead. They write a song and play it for you but it sounds beyond terrible. How do you react?

30. Number 1 () and number 2 () get in a fight over you. Number 2 manages to win and asks you for your hand in marriage. How do you respond?

[phatjosh180]

RACE RECAP: Deseret News 10K

Oh, Pioneer Day! I used to kind of hate the holiday. Well, okay, hate is the wrong way of saying it — I love the reason why we celebrate the day — I just never thought we really needed TWO Fourth of Julys in the same month. This is completely derailing my race recap, but I don’t care — this is my blog. I just wish we came up with something a bit more original in celebrating Pioneer Day instead of copy and pasting the Fourth. Keep the fireworks, ditch the parade (all parades really) and give us better food than hot dogs and homemade potato salad.

Anyways, I seriously digress. Hopefully you’re still with me here?

Yet, with all those strong feelings about Pioneer Day that I have and do hold — it’s grown on me — especially since becoming a runner. It’s become somewhat of a tradition to run on Pioneer Day — whether it’s been the Deseret News or Handcart Days races. Sure, sure, sure you can use the (valid) argument that people run 5Ks all the time on the Fourth of July, but that’s not my jam — since that’d mean I’d be missing my neighborhood chuck wagon breakfast. Sense my illogical hypocrisy?

I ran my first marathon on Pioneer Day back in 2012 — and I’ve loved keeping the tradition of running on holiday intact. I’ve only missed running the holiday in 2014 and that was because I went camping. I thought about doing a run on Pioneer Day to keep the streak alive, but I wasn’t quite yet confident in my trail running at the time. No, not so much the running part, but where we were camping had a lot of deer and moose.

Most years I’ve always done a half marathon when I’ve run on Pioneer Day, mainly to work toward my 180 race goal. So this year — a year after reaching my 180 race goal — I decided to shake things up a bit and register for the 10K instead. And, I am sure glad I did. The shorter distances have been a godsend for me.

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Long story short — my ancestors walked 2,092km across the Great Plains 172 years ago so I could run the streets of Salt Lake City today for a race medal and a bruised half banana.

A post shared by Josher (@josherwalla) on Jul 24, 2019 at 8:17am PDT

After battling injuries and back issues for the first part of the year — I got myself into a good rhythm that I was hoping to build into solid marathon training. But, then in June that got derailed as I came down with bronchitis and walking pneumonia. I didn’t run for almost four weeks. I couldn’t breathe, let alone run. It was bad.

I know that I repeating myself from past posts, but the time off killed me. I decided to kill the marathon training and just go out and run. Forget about goal races, etc. I just needed to go out and run, have some fun and just don’t die. Pretty solid goals when you get down to it.

So coming back into consistent running just a couple weeks ago it’s been a tad bit of a struggle. Getting my legs back to strength has been the toughest part. It doesn’t help that it’s also the hottest time of the year either. Heat zaps everything from my legs. So it’s been a struggle both physically and mentally — to say the least.

A couple weeks ago — my first race back — the Farmington Days 10K I finished in 1:41 minutes. I was dead last. And, if it wasn’t for a chuck wagon breakfast of bacon and sausage I would have died there. It was hard on me — between the comeback legs and heat.

So going into this race — I wasn’t exactly sure what to shoot for on the clock. I knew I didn’t want to hit 1:41 again. I was fairly confident I wouldn’t considering I had a couple weeks of training on the legs — PLUS — the course had a wonderful 60 feet of downhill. So with all of that in mind I just decided to give it my best and push myself just a TAD beyond comfort.

But, really, I had no game plan. I just wanted to get out there and run.

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I need to find myself a woman that’ll greet me like Bumble did at the finish line this morning.

A post shared by Josher (@josherwalla) on Jul 24, 2019 at 1:41pm PDT

Since I talked Amanda into running the 10K as well. We started out together. She doesn’t run/walk as well and I decided to keep up as long as I could. I knew I wouldn’t be able to keep up for the whole race, but I wanted to keep up for at least a couple of miles. Which I did.

Amanda, Brandy and I kept up with each for about the first 2-3 miles … ish. I say -ish, because I lost Amanda around 7 Eleven on 1300 East when I had this moment of temptation. It was hot and I could have sure used either a Slurpee or Diet Coke at that moment. But, I forgot my money — so it was a moot point — and I kept running.

My legs were feeling pretty heavy by mile three and our first aid station. I knew I would hit this wall, so I slowed down my pace just a tad and focused on tweaking my run/walk sets a bit. It helped, especially as we ran along South Temple and I could feel the slightest of uphill.

Once I got on 200 East and the parade route I got a second wind from the crowd. It was a bit thinner of a crowd compared to when I run the longer distances — just because not everyone is there — but, it was fun to hear my name shouted out a few times along the way. After getting a slap on the butt from Rachel — who was doing the half marathon — I made the turn onto 800 South toward Liberty Park and the finish line. I glanced at my watch and noticed I was pretty closed to a sub-1:20 — nearly a 20 minute drop from my Farmington Days 10K. This gave me a third wind.

As I glanced ran into the finishers chute I glanced at the clock and noticed I was just over 1:20. That didn’t disappoint me at all — that was still nearly a 20 minute improvement! And, as I made my way across the finishing line I saw the Salt Lake Bee’s mascot Bumble and just made a beeline (ha!) toward him for a hug! A Deseret News photographer was there and actually snapped a picture of the moment (it’s the picture above).

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I can do this because I’m Greek.

A post shared by Josher (@josherwalla) on Jul 24, 2019 at 7:42pm PDT

I was very happy with my finishing time. Yet, I still was fighting off disappointment. Which is a weird feeling. I did well, I improved, but it almost didn’t feel like it counted because I should have been in a better situation where I could have gone faster. Luckily I didn’t have much time to entertain that thinking as Shonda, Anita, Lizz, Andrew, Amanda, Brandy, etc., etc., etc., etc. diverted my attention.

One of my favorite things to do after the Deseret News races is to just sit down and park myself under the shade in the park watching all the runners come in. This year I even made a new friend Spencer, who’s a part of the AIIA team. After about an hour I finally started the long way back to my car via the shuttles.

All in all — I feel good about the race, considering the circumstances. Was it my fastest? Heavens no. But, it was a great effort and I felt some gained ground I hope to build on. Which I am sure I will.

My next race is the Revel Launch Team 10K this upcoming Saturday down Emigration Canyon. That should be a fun fast one. I’m not exactly sure what to expect from that one, but I would love to beat my sub 1:20. I have a couple training runs planned this week so it should be out of the realm of possibility.

But, I’m not going to worry about all of that — I’ll just put the work in and let the run come to me. That’s really the only thing I can do, no?

My Next Five Races

Revel Launch Team 10K; August 3

Elephant Rock Trail Run; August 10

Mt. Nebo Half; August 24

Revel Big Cottonwood Half Marathon; September 14

The Haunted Half: SLC; October 19

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A post shared by Trails & Pavement (@trailsandpavement) on Aug 7, 2018 at 10:12pm PDT

RACE RECAP: Deseret News 10K was originally published on Life In The Slow Lane.

[toldnews-blog]

New Post has been published on https://toldnews.com/lifestyle/in-reserved-japan-talking-to-someone-called-key-in-suicide-reduction/

In reserved Japan, talking to someone called key in suicide reduction

Organisations put out messages, asking people if they are down and if they want help. (Source: Getty Images)

All the phones at a Japanese suicide hot line started ringing at 8:00 pm on a Friday night, exactly when it opened, filling a narrow room off a Tokyo back street with the voices of those trying to help. “Is it trouble at work, or something at home?” asked Machiko Nakayama, a hot line volunteer in her 60s, speaking softly into her headset. “You feel like you want to die?”

In Japan, a place known for personal reserve, experts and volunteers say allowing people to express their innermost feelings has helped reduce suicides by nearly 40 per cent from their 2003 peak. “The fact that I couldn’t talk about my feelings at all became oppressive,” said author and suicide activist Akita Suei, whose mother killed herself in 1955, when he was a child. “So once I finally was able to talk … all of a sudden my mood became much lighter.” Operating every day, almost always from 8 pm to 5:30 am, the phones at Befrienders Worldwide Tokyo are rarely silent, staffed by about 40 volunteers working four at a time in three-hour shifts.

“If the phones stop ringing for a few minutes, we worry they’re broken,” said Nakayama, who volunteered for 20 years and now is the director. Befrienders is one of scores of organisations operating hot lines around Japan. They advertise with messages like “Are you down? There are people to help lift you up” in Tokyo’s vast network of subways, the site of many suicide attempts. “There are still very closed-off aspects to society here; it’s really hard to talk about personal things – especially for men, who since the old days have scorned ‘letting things out,’” said Yoshie Otsuhata, subdirector of the helpline. Most callers are in their 30s and 40s, with 56 per cent of them women and 43 per cent men in 2018.

Listening saves

About 450 kilometres north of Tokyo, largely rural Akita prefecture, which for decades had the highest suicide rate in Japan, also emphasizes outreach. Alongside hot lines, there is a network of trained “listeners,” who connect with the area’s lonely and isolated elderly.

Sumiko, a formerly active 73-year-old woman who is largely bedridden after a fall, thought there was no meaning to life until Ume Ito, a “listener,” started visiting two years ago. “Everyone left for the day. People would call, but they’d just say ‘keep fighting’ and hang up really soon,” recalled Sumiko, wearing a pink bathrobe as she sat in a hospital bed in a windowless inner room of her son’s home, two mobile phones propped on a nearby dresser. Ito said most of the people she visits insist at first that they want to die.

But over weeks and months, their mood brightens. “Our work is to give them enough space in their hearts to think,” she said. Sumiko, whose health is gradually improving, says Ito’s visits have given her a new goal. “I want to get stronger as fast as possible and become a listener,” she said. “If I could help even just one or two people, that’d be great.”