#my day job closed for a week in July and it really fucked me over financially

[chvnnie]

“where in the world is ivy?”

hi, right here!

not sure if anyone still follows my blog closely or has wondered what’s been happening with me/my fics, but to those who do — let me explain:

in july i started a new job that infringes on my personal time and space and i literally have no time for myself (recently worked 100 hours in two weeks! that’s sick!). i’m at work when before the sun rises and don’t leave until the sun sets. so when i get home, i’m so mentally and physically drained that i don’t want to do anything except sleep/cry in my bed. don’t worry! i’m looking for a new job! but goddamn has the past six months been exhausting for me. i’m not even paid well! love it for me 🥰

skz is still my entire heart and soul, probably more so than before. i still am absolutely encapsulated by han jisung (loml FOR FUCKING REAL). here’s me talking about him to my friend just a week or so ago:

my favorite songs off of rockstar are complex and blind spot :) leave really is fighting with her heart to take over though. my skzie really never misses!!!

@rachalixie and i are still like this 🤞🏻 so sorry that your feed has been deprived of our interactions. i’ll bother her more soon.

i’m still writing! mostly just thoughts bounced with friends that inspire me enough to word vomit onto a google doc. nothing right now is postable, but if it ever gets there, i’ll let you know. i have intentions of posting. when, idk! but at some point!!! so stay tuned babes <3

my dms are still always open and i will respond there. my kofi is open and will be the only way i take requests right now (idk. if you’d like). i’m like. never going to actually leave. always be here, even if she just be lurking.

currently fixating on jjk and binging nanami content so any recs? SEND THEM. PLEASE OH MY GOD.

hope that’s a good enough explanation! if you’ve thought about me, you’re so sweet and ily. if you haven’t…you’re so sweet and ily 🫶🏻

here’s my boba ball

have a wonderful day! chat soon 🥰

ivy

[crybabyddl]

Just finished my rewatch of jatp. My perfrct track record of not crying during Unsaid Emily remains untouched. I will say though, I was very close to shedding a tear this time. However, I didn’t even cry during Stand Tall! I always cry during Stand Tall!

Anyways, I couldn’t stop thinking about all the headcanons and theories that us tumblr fantoms created and the little easter eggs we discovered while watching and rewatching the series. It makes me really appreciative of the fact that we had a sense of community during a time where a lot of us were alone, scared, and uninspired. Just like Julie, I felt a renewed sense of purpose and hope. I think that a lot of people felt the same after watching the show. Julie and the Phantoms is what inspired me to learn the piano, the ukulele, and it led me to getting a guitar. When I learned how to play the chords for the soundtrack, I was playing those songs nonstop. It really helped me brave through the unsure feelings that came along with the pandemic. It made me forget my fears about the future.

I don’t feel as hopeful about things as I did back then, but JATP will always be a land-marking point in my life. It represents newfound joy, reignited passion, and abundant vivacity. As someone who loves and is extremely passionate about music, this silly little netflix show really hit me in the most sensitive places. And while I remember having a bout of serious depression after finishing the series, (along with intense rage that while I was dealing with my depression at its lowest point, the cast of jatp was living what felt like my dream) the lessons I learned from the show were far more significant. It literally brought music back into my life, no joke.

The friends I made because of JATP will always have a special place in my heart. A lot of them don’t use tumblr anymore, and I don’t use it nearly as much as I used to, but I’m still so grateful to have been introduced to such kind, accepting, and funny people. The stories, theories, headcanons, fanfictions, moodboards, inside jokes, memes, and fanart we created will always be remembered and cherished. I’m still pro-cheesecake, I’m still highly allergic to sleeves, and every time I see an unnecessary or fake zipper, I think of my fellow tumblr fantoms.

I don’t think I’ll ever truly “get over” Julie and the Phantoms. It was the first thing that truly resonated with my spirit as a new adult. I was 19 and had dropped out of college, feeling completely lost and like I had nothing going for me. Going into lockdown because of the pandemic didn’t help with any of that, and I was aimlessly, endlessly scrolling on social media, hoping to find meaning and purpose. And one day, my friend posted a clip on snapchat of what she was watching on netflix. The guy was cute and it looked like him and the girl he was next to had a nice connection so I asked what show it was. That’s how I discovered JATP, almost 2 weeks after its release. I also just have an unhealthy attachment to the show and the characters so I refuse to let this media that speaks to my soul die.

All that being said, we really deserved another season. I think it would cure me entirely, if I’m being honest. Even if it was just a little Christmas special where they decorate a tree and do those mini stories like filler episodes of a cartoon series. Hell, I’d settle for an animated JATP episode. I just think we all deserve it after what we’ve been through not only as a fandom, but as human beings. I will never forgive netflix for it’s terrible job at promoting, because they only failed when it came to this show specifically. They managed to keep every other show, even ones far less deserving of acclaim and attention, afloat during and after the pandemic. The only reason JATP managed to get anywhere was solely the cast, creators, and fans. Paul Becker was on fucking overdrive, churning out BTS videos WEEKLY. Fanfiction writers were bursting at the seams with multi-chapter series and one shots about every possible scenario. We got things trending on twitter during the two most chronically online years. Fanart was being shared like crazy, and we had the instagram fantoms so confused by the memes that they retaliated and claimed they were superior.

Meanwhile, tumblr was in its shadowbanning era, and fantoms were in the TRENCHES trying to get their content to reach beyond mutuals and taglists. We received barely any appreciation, except for when we trended on twitter asking to renew jatp and on tumblr for jatp appreciation week. Let’s not forget when we thought Owen had a secret tumblr and we all started accusing each other of being him. I will never forget when we all rallied to get Madi to 1 million followers because we didn’t want her to become overshadowed by the boys and all the attention they were getting. We all watched their instagram lives and I will always love the tumblr fantoms who made gifs of the cutest moments from those. Everyone saw me shamelessly simp over Charlie with facial hair wearing a santa onesie. We created a whole Carrie redemption arc out of thin air, we created origin stories for Rose and the Petal Pushers, and we forced the creators of JATP to give us the official last names of Reggie, Alex, and Flynn (This adventure SPECIFICALLY!!!) We were ruthless in our efforts to uncover their last names. We used breadcrumbs to make theories and speculations, only to end up begging in every comment section and dm inbox we could to get Reggie Peters, Alex Mercer, and eventually—though much, much later—Flynn Taylor. We gave Willie more crop tops, we basically storyboarded a second season, complete with episode titles and songs! We uncovered the Sunset Curve EP using the grainiest photos in existence, we created a loose timeline surrounding everyone’s birthdays, deaths, and significant events. We orchestrated a fucking CONCERT TOUR for this band. Oh, and let’s not forget when Kenny and the boys went to Hawaii. That Hawaii trip was so eventful for the fantoms, you have no idea how serious I’m being unless you were there for it. That was something unlike anything else for so many reasons. There’s a lot more, but that’s the stuff that came to mind immediately.

[translucent-at-best]

Scatter-brained...

I can't find the post about the greatest movie deaths to reblog it, but I just want y'all to know that topping my list is Queenie the dog's death in Crooklyn. Also included is Sonny from The Godfather and Samuel L. Jackson's character in Deep Blue Sea.

Life been life-ing like a motherfucker lately. And while some of it is just happening to me through no fault of my own, there is some of it that's also just me dealing with the consequences of my actions. I'm trying to focus on the things I can control, but it's easier said than done.

Death been death-ing like crazy too. From family to friends to friends who are family... This shit don't make no sense.

I'm 33 now. I haven't had a birthday party since I was 9, but I'm planning a birthday brunch for myself next weekend and I'm excited for it. And grateful that I have people to invite and who I know will show up for me. I'm really out here with chosen family. I came out here knowing no one. I might sound like a broken record at this point, but I'll never stop thanking God for that.

Had to kick my roommate's boyfriend out of the apartment a few weeks ago. I'm still shaken up over it. She told me he's not welcome back until I say he is and I told her I don't know if I'll ever be comfortable with that again (read: I absolutely won't be). She says she understands and that that's a consequence he'll just have to live with... but I'm very aware that although she's saying that now, she may not be so understanding on a May 15th or a July 20th or... you get it. I hope I'm wrong, but if she's shown me anything thus far, it's that I can't always believe what she says.

This same boyfriend showed up unannounced at my place last Sunday night to "apologize." We talked through the call box and that was only long enough for me to say (and repeat several times) that I'm not in a place to accept an apology right now. He kept trying to convince me to talk, asking for "a minute of your time" and saying that he's really a good guy.

First off, anyone who calls themselves a "good" person, I'm wary of. I feel like that's the type of thing other people should tell me about you or that I should clearly be able to see for myself through your actions. Secondly, your solution to getting kicked out of some place is to show up to that place unannounced and try to force the person who wanted you out to accept your apology on your time and terms? Fuck all the way out of here. Thirdly, the lack of self awareness it takes to say you understand why what you did (not listening to us when we told you to leave) was wrong, but then to refuse to listen and leave AGAIN as you try to apologize is mind-boggling. Every time I think about it, I end up even more pissed.

I've been closing all my fitness circles nearly every day this month and I'm really proud of me for that. I even went and worked out on my birthday. Who is she?

The economy is a mess, the current job market is big trash, and the non-profit org I work for has fallen on hard times and informed us that there will be layoffs at the end of this school year. I'm applying and have been applying, but finding the energy to keep doing so is draining in a way I don't think I've experienced before.

And, on top of all that, my sleep schedule has been terrible. I thought it was just a side effect of my period this month, but that thing been gone for a minute and I'm still struggling.

April 13th (the day I promised myself I'd get back on a dating app) came and went. I downloaded an app. I created a profile. I consulted friends about which pictures to post and choose... but them fucking prompts? I know I'm supposed to show off my personality, sell myself, etc. I just ain't got the energy right now...

[coldgoldlazarus]

.

Still not sure how to talk to the people from the d&d group about last week.

I wanna be mature and constructive about this, but the best I can really muster is "Yeah I kinda fucked up in some spots, not trying to downplay that, but on the whole I'm just frustrated with the situation, and how all of what went wrong is being put on me in a way I feel is unfair."

I felt like I was rushed into something I wasn't entirely ready for, right on the heels of several months of stress over making sure I'd have food stamps again. Yes I volunteered for this several months beforehand, but not as an immediate thing, and more with a broad vibe than a clear pre-planned... plan. I wanted to have the time to figure out the finer details and put maps and materials together before committing to doing this, but instead between being busy with IRL shit, executive dysfunction and heat exhaustion being an absolute bitch, and my own anal-retentiveness about getting everything just right combined with not being entirely sure where to start, that didn't happen.

I really should have just said no, but everyone NEEDED SO BADLY to play something during the break from the main campaign, (even though there is a minecraft server literally right there) and the whole "if you don't pilot the EVA, Rei will be made to do so again" thing was in play with the other multishot that could have filled the gap getting off to a false start and not being entirely ready either. Plus, I wanted to get this test run out of the way so I could work on the reboot of the big magical girl campaign again while the current main one was drawing to a close. Being told July was gonna be the last chance to do that before a long stretch without interruptions kinda made me panic. So I said yes instead.

I figured given my track record, having the deadline would be a good way to ensure I actually worked on it, but like, I think it really just did more harm than good, compared to if I had let it breathe. I also thought I was a bit readier than I was, with some stuff I hadn't even considered needing to figure out cropping up right on the day of, and having to scramble to get those hashed out at the last second. So yeah, while this was going on I spent the bulk of the weeks not working on this, and then having to do the rest day-of, causing the session start time delays. (I could give a detailed breakdown on exactly what those unforseen "invisible steps" were, so they have context for why the delays kept happening the way they did, but I've already been told to my face by at least one of the group that she doesn't give a shit, so whatever.) That was a mistake on my part, not gonna try to say otherwise. I just should have said no in the first place.

And I guess there's the communication issue. That I did mess up on too, the first few weeks. I tried to do better about it last tuesday, at least, after going radio silence the prior week. I felt I did a decent job of giving updates on my progress and saying "hey this is probably happening but don't assume it is for sure until I say I am Done and Ready." It's out of my control that people went ahead and assumed it was a sure thing anyway. I literally said at one point that I needed to take the bus back home from the library and that would be causing another delay in my prep, only for someone to say "okay this is happening definitely at exactly when she gets home" and I had to say, no, that's just when I'll be getting home, I still have more setup to do after that. And it's a hard fucking balancing act in giving ETAs because people get mad if you give too big a number, but then I also tend to take longer than I estimate...

I should have just called it off then and there tbh. Just didn't wanna let people down second week in a row. Not that that worked out anyway.

And of course the straw to break the camel's back was that A: There was another thing I needed to finish that I thought I had already done, but had in fact only half-completed, B: one of the other players dipped out on account of a migraine, and I hate leaving people out on principle but everyone else wanted to go ahead anyway, and C: on top of those, this was suddenly needing to be the last session before the main campaign resumes yesterday, so I'd have to rush to complete yet another session's worth of content while running one. And also I'd been up for 26 hours straight at this point. How the fuck was I supposed to react? I needed to remove myself from the situation and I needed sleep.

(I will readily admit that waking up still pissed the next morning and pouring all my complaints into a shitty meme format generator was not a mature course of action. Again, not pretending I'm blameless here.)

...

Anyway, my takeaway from where and how I did fuck up and why, is that I'm just not cut out for this.

After the first run of the magical girl campaign crashed and burned, I figured out a lot of the hows and whys, and found solutions to those problems to enact for next time. But none of that was even relevant to where this one went wrong, so that's a whole new set of problems to also find answers for, and Idk how to do that other than just having everything already ready to go beforehand. A luxury I just don't think this group would be willing to afford.

And furthermore, on sitting back and discussing both campaigns and my approach, I think the way I'm coming at this is fundamentally incompatible with what the rest of the group wants out of a campaign, and this would extend to trying to reboot the big one as well. I don't really enjoy TTRPGs as a medium in practice as much as in theory, because I just function better telling a planned story, not playing an improv game. It's a bit frustrating when it feels like the rest of the group doesn't care about my big grand narrative, but on having the time to reflect on it, I think that one's a Me Problem and a symptom of the incompatible approaches. There's nothing wrong with either, but the two don't exactly mesh well. And this is only one example of that clashing, same happened with me as a player. (The worst of which was when I tried changing my approach! It didn't work and backfired harder!)

(Literally the one exception where things did go well, was because that character I was playing was a super easygoing, down-for-whatever and in-the-moment type, and that campaign didn't last long enough for something to go wrong anyway.)

What happened on Tuesday was basically me ragequitting, but my decision to leave altogether is not. It's me recognizing that I'm the weak link here, and so it would just be better for both me and the group for me to stop trying to jam a square peg into a round hole.

But of course, it seems at least some of them are mad at me over that, too. There's no winning.

So in the end, I don't really know what to say. Yeah, I fucked up. But no, I don't feel I fucked up badly enough to warrant this level of vitriol. I tried to learn from what went wrong and communicate better instead of shutting down, but that only does so much when people just decide what I said differently like with the bus thing, or change plans on me at the last second. I'm frustrated as hell, but not mad at the people, I'm just upset and annoyed that they're so mad at me.

I tried to do my best in time, but the timing was all wrong, and my best just wasn't good enough. Sorry.

[chronicbeans]

The Suggestions Box

(an Abandoned by Playfellow AU short)

You are tasked to look through the suggestions box, a box filled with the suggestions and comments of your fellow employees, and clean out answered suggestions. It hasn't been sorted through in about a year.

TW: Depression/Anxiety, Threats of Violence/Death Threats, Traumatic Events, Abusive Work Environment, Death, Eating Disorders/Focus on Body Weight and Type, Vomit (Seriously y'all it gets gross-), Body Horror/Gore

Opening up the box, you sigh in disdain. There has to be hundreds of tiny slips of paper in here, with most not even being replied to. So, you have to read every single one just to get every suggestion that was replied to out of the box. Damn it.

You pick out the first suggestion, which is from a janitor who signed it C.M.:

"Suggestion: I need a fucking raise. I just cleaned up puke from a kid who ate a Poppy's Chocolate Sundae Cake, by the Painter's Isle. Took me three hours to get rid of the brown stains on the rainbow carpets, and even longer to get rid of the rancid smell. What the fuck are we even feeding the kids here to make chocolate puke smell like rotten chicken?

-C.M. Janitor"

There isn't an answer on the back, so you quickly place it by the box. What a great way to start the day... reading a vile description about puke! Fucking amazing...

"Suggestion: I keep seeing this one kid climbing over the fence of Wally's Road Trip. Sure, the ride is safe when you are in the ride, but he's climbing right onto the tracks! That coaster goes about 20 miles per hour! We need the fence to be taller or something.

-Sam Jenkins Security

Answer: Sam, we cannot afford to make the fences taller. You will just need to keep watch of the children. That is your job, after all.

-Management"

Well... Not the best answer, but still an answer. So, you place it by the bucket that was given to you to collect answered suggestions. Alright, next paper.

"Suggestion: Whoever the FUCK keeps puking in the Barnaby costume, I fucking hate you. You do know that other people here play Barnaby, right? You could at least warn a fellow by leaving a note or something before somebody else wears it. I didn't notice until I got in the suit, and my face was covered in it. Jackass. Others have started complaining, too. I suggest management gives us more breaks, so whoever the weak stomached bitch is doesn't keep puking everywhere.

-David Dwyer Suit Mascot

Answer: I apologize for the incident, Mr. Dwyer. However, we cannot give more breaks. We shall try to figure out who keeps getting sick, so we can have a physical done to ensure that they are still healthy enough to be a mascot.

-Management"

Again? AGAIN?! Why the fuck is there so much puke already...? Yeah, you expected it, but really? Thank God you aren't a mascot. Well, into the bucket.

"Suggestion: I'm worried for Angelo. You know, Angelo Dalisay? The guy who plays Wally Darling most of the time. He's been losing weight pretty fast. I think he might be sick. Maybe the food was bad or something? Can you have someone check the kitchens for sanitation? Please and thank you.

-Angelica Carter Julie Joyful Actress

Answer: Our kitchens are clean.

-Management"

Angelo... yeah, you remember Angelo. You've seen him from time to time. He has been getting pretty skinny, lately... Really skinny. Unhealthy skinny. The kids don't seem to mind, though, and he doesn't say anything when asked. What an odd answer... "Our kitchens are clean.", with no further comment on Angelo's health. Why doesn't he get a health check up?

You place the paper in the bucket. Next one.

"Suggestion: I keep seeing a Wally actor running around, not staying in character. His clothes are a mess. He's been scaring the kids. Whenever I get close enough to catch him, he finds a way to escape, then disappears around a corner. Please, do something!

-Security"

Okay... odd. You know what? Everything you've read so far is weird. It's only your third week here and you are already so confused. No answer... By the box it goes.

"Suggestion: SERIOUSLY, WHOEVER THE FUCK YOU ARE, I AM GOING TO BEAT YOU WITH A GOLF CLUB."

-David Dwyer Suit Mascot"

No answer. You don't want to dwell on this one. Into the unanswered pile.

The next one you pick up is covered in yellow paint... you are guessing face and body paint, since the actors for Wally and Sally ha e to paint their faces and hands yellow.

"Suggestion: I can't stop smiling. I don't want to smile anymore. My face is tired. I can't stop smiling. Can someone help me wipe it off?

-"

You don't find any answer, per say, but flipping it over to the back, you find a scribbled on note.

"I don't know who wrote this, but I found it on the ground by the body paint storage. I don't know why we keep the paints and foods so close to each other. There was a pile of used makeup remover, paper towels, and face cleaners next to it. Can whoever wrote this tell me? Does this have to do with that weird Wally Actor that security keeps talking about?

I don't feel safe, I might quit.

-Sarah Jones Cooking Staff"

Okay... back to the box, you guess?

"Suggestion: Can we please have a health check for Angelo? PLEASE? Something is clearly wrong! I just saw him eating some food, then he rushed to the employee restrooms and started puking! Then, he walked out like he was fine! Some of the things Miss Carter mentioned when I told her are concerning, as well. He's skin and bones right now! Clearly, he isn't fit to work, much less play Wally! What if his appearance scares the kids?

-Gertrude Stone Suit Mascot"

"Answer: We understand your concerns, Miss Stone, but we assure you that he is alright. His weight is still healthy enough for him to keep playing Wally Darling. When we confronted him, he said it was to make sure his weight stays within limits to play the character. He isn't sick. After all, for Wally Darling actors, the smaller the better! It makes him look more petite and closer to the puppet 's body type. The children adore him, as well.

-Management"

On the side of the answer box, you see that somebody has written "BULLSHIT" in big, red letters. Somebody must've gotten in here before you have. Once again, thank God you aren't a mascot. The answer is really alarming, however... Did they even have him check in with a medical professional? Healthy enough? You feel gross just reading it.

You... don't want to keep going through the suggestions box. Maybe just one more, so it looks like you tried? Your boss might send you to look through it again on a later date, but you are feeling like reading all of this is weighing you down. When you heard you were going to be going through a suggestions box, you expected things like "raise my wage" or "hire more cleaning staff"... Not whatever this stuff is. You feel like you've stumbled upon something you shouldn't be seeing, but still needs to be seen.

You dig into the bottom of the box, pulling out a slip of paper. This time, it seems to be covered in red paint.

"Suggestion: I can't stop smiling. My face won't come off. I can't stop smiling. My face won't come off. I can't stop smiling. My face won't come off. I can't stop smiling. My face won't come off. I can't stop smiling. My face won't come off. Please let me stop smiling.

-Where's Frank's attitude when you need him?"

You hesitate, before flipping over the slip of paper. More writing. It's all in frantic, shaky, scribbled handwriting, as if the person was in some sort of rush or panic.

"Julie can't stop smiling. Sally can't stop smiling. Poppy can't stop smiling. Barnaby can't stop smiling. Howdy can't stop smiling. Eddie can't stop smiling. Frank is the only one who never smiles. Maybe he can't stop frowning? It hurts to smile. It hurts to smile. I'm not happy and it hurts to keep smiling. WHENEVER I TRY TO FROWN I FEEL AND HEAR SOMETHING SNAPPING IN MY FACE. Do they hurt too?

The people around us can stop smiling. The people who aren't as bright and colorful. I can't help but be jealous. Do they hurt when they smile? I'll help them wipe it off."

You stare at the paper, wide-eyed and dumbfounded. How are you supposed to respond to this? What are you supposed to even THINK about this? Will the management even care about this? They haven't cared about Angelo's health, they haven't cared about threats in the suggestions box, they haven't cared about a possible imposter scaring the customers! Should you even bother putting it back into the box-?

"YOU... OPEN...?"

You whip your head around, seeing a yellow hand on the window by the door. You quickly shove the suggestion into your pocket, frowning. Maybe it's Angelo at the door? He clearly hasn't been well... What if he needs immediate help?

Opening up that door, you instantly regret it as a disgusting, rotten smell hits your nose. Looking up at the man, you can tell that it is NOT Angelo. He may be dressed as Wally, but it isn't Angelo in costume. His clothes and hair are a mess, much like in the suggestions talking about this imposter, but that isn't what you notice first.

His smile is too wide.

IT LITERALLY SPLITS FROM EAR TO EAR.

You try to close the door on him, only for whoever it is to grab it and hold it open. A monotone voice speaks, which you can only assume is from the strange person. He leans in as he speaks, only making the rotting smell coming from him more apparent. Is this what a corpse smells like?

"It... hurts... to smile.... It hurts... to move my face... You too? Help me... wipe it off?"

You frantically look around, trying to find something, anything to get this person out of the room. You unknowingly end up shaking your head as you look around the room, which the man seems to take as a "no".

"No...? O.... okay... I'll go... Find manage... ment. They'll know... what to do..."

He walks away. He walks away like nothing happened. You slam the door shut, dropping to the floor and taking a few, shaking breaths. Your arms are shaking heavily, alongside your legs. Scratch that, your entire body is shaking like a leaf.

You heard of that imposter Wally, but you always thought it was a joke. Now, however, you have been proven wrong. As much as you want to quit, however, you need this job... You have too many unpaid bills and debts, and if you quit, who knows when you'll get hired for another job?

Plus, as horrifying as that situation was... for whatever reason, that imposter didn't attack you... He seemed rather docile, actually.

Once you calm yourself down, you stand up, grabbing the answered suggestions bucket. Then, you book it out of there as fast as possible, hoping that you don't see that Wally again, today.

[protocolseben]

a maintenance worker surveys a problematic pipe in the basements of hangar 7. // 3200

I love lowercase letters. dont go sending emails to random people now! mild horror, no explicit stuff. for the sake of your sanity and tumblr scrolling, why not just read it on my blog or on a PC? it really is long.

FWD: ATTN : PIPE INSPECTION REQUIRED IN BASEMENT LEVEL 3

From : RED BULL GMBH ENGINEERING DEPARTMENT, Mathias Mischa <technische_abteilung@rb.gmbh-au.org>,<mischa_mathias@rb.gmbh-au.org>

to: me <lonardo_valeri@rb.gmbh-au.org> date : 16:34 , August 3 2023

Technician required in Hangar-7 Basement 3. Routine inspection of pipes from July 30.  

Valeri

same pipes as July 30, just a check on whether they are working. You can grab a guy if you want.  piping maps are the same, but attached in PDF below as usual. you can report directly to my office or send an email whichever is easier for you in three days…….. sorry, next shift is also preoccupied with another section. :-( 

Regards,

Mathias

—---

MATHIAS MISCHA |TEAMMASTER 02, RED BULL GMBH ENGINEERING DEPT.

// 16:35 ------------------------

‎‎The soft ding from the laptop spooked the poor technician who was riveted to the article on his browser tab. A few moments passed before he grumbled audibly. That is the third time in the last few weeks I have to go down there… We already have to do a routine inspection. What the fuck? He was starting to wonder if the Michelin Star Restaurant in that building was starting to cook and present some forest monster from Schwarzenberg nearby. 

And alone? That went against every single safety precaution known to man. Mathias, you’ve worked for Red Bull for twenty years, but you don’t even care about that huh.

He fucking hated that tunnel, and he didn’t feel like waiting, might as just get it over and done with.

It took him another three seconds to realise that the email was sent an hour before he was scheduled to clock out of his shift. Pretty rude of them to send an email so close to the end of the work hour too…bastards. Can’t let a man read his horror stories in peace!

Thankfully, past him had the diligence of putting away his tools neatly.  He scooped up the navy and red duffel bag from the corner of his office and made his way easily down to the great glass building 2 streets away…would be what he would’ve said, if not for the absolute rainstorm right outside. He scrambled back in, cursing and swearing under his breath as he ran back up to his office room to grab his big umbrella and company jacket. Gotta thank them for making a solid jacket, but still, fuck them for making him do this.  He looked up at the gloomy sky before starting his brisk walk to the eye-catching glass architecture of Hangar-7.

.

.

.

The underworkings of Hangar-7 was the very least, really odd, and at worst, a kind of maze. Maybe it was in his imagination but in his fifteen years of working as a technician for structural stuff all over the country, he hadn’t seen one as weird as the glass building belonging to Mateschitz. Then again, anything made or promoted by him or his, y’know, entire company, was weird. Who thought that sticking a Formula 1 car on the side of a cliff was a good idea? Or an entire bungee jumping competition? Aerobatics? What’s a drink got to do with Aerobatics? He was never in it for any of the F1 fame and frankly, having watched a race in person, he didn’t feel it was worth the price. The questions asking him whether he ever got to see the racers never ended though. 

.

.

.

// 16: 55 ------------------------

He flashed his pass to the old security guy, and after a tense few seconds, was waved through and allowed to the maintenance hallways. He could feel the guard staring at the back of his head even after he closed the door behind him. This wasn’t the guard that was there the last time, but he sure gave the exact same vibe as the previous two - total distrust. Must be part of the job, he wondered.

tink tink tink….the hurried patter of rain on the glass.

The first basement floor of the maintenance areas were pretty well lit and actually really neat, thanks to the combination of,well, lights, and glass letting the outside in. He could still see the rain from here. He had to say, pretty cool and forward thinking engineering.  Basement 1 was where most of the important stuff was located, and really, that’s usually where all the work would be. Not today however.

The soft patter of rain was completely shut out when Valeri reached the end of the corridor tunnel and headed to the door with stairs leading directly down to the third basement. Man, he thought. I hate this part. The atmosphere completely contrasted with the modern look of Basement 1 – rusty and creaky were the words that came to his mind as he made his way slowly down the dimly lit, steep but wide stairwell. His colleague had also remarked on the condition of the place the last two times they were here. It was weird, and even he had his fair share of traversing janky dubious tunnels in his career around Austria.

BASEMENT 3. AUTHORISED STAFF ONLY -

Well, that was the door alright.  Text spray painted with a stencil.

Last he came here, he had notified the management of the poor lighting of the tunnel, and had almost tripped over whatever that was going down here. They had acknowledged it, and promised to work on it as soon as possible. Valeri wasn’t going to take any chances this time and took out his stronger torchlight, clicking it on. He turned on his helmet light as well, before pushing down on the bar that served as the hinge. 

As expected, the tunnel was, well, not well lit. In fact, it seemed darker than the last two times before, and oddly, feeling worse. Was it always this way? Maybe they had scheduled the lighting personnel to come at a later date and this pipe decided it was a good time to screw things up. Either situation, still dark. So that is a fantastic development, especially that he was alone.

He walked deeper into the tunnels, the stale air and humidity stinking up the place. He made sure he could see the painted numbers and signs on the wall, and referencing it to the slightly sad and soggy printout of the map from the email. Valeri was impressed with how quickly the ink had smudged just from a bit of rain - some of the numbers were barely visible at that point, pink ink mixed with cyan and whatever. The circle he drew with a red pen, too, was slowly cascading down the paper with every moment that passed. Valeri, of course, was not pleased.

Thankfully he navigated the route cleanly enough, and managed to find the same thin pipe that was the source of all the problems, at the farthest ends of Basement 3’s tunnels, which was a squalid dead end, horribly darker than the rest. Whatever lamps that were being used here felt more like a mockery than actual help. Brushing his gloved hand along the pipe,  he found the troublemaker kink that was supposed to be fixed a couple of weeks ago.

 Valeri visibly frowned on realising that the fixes that were done hadn’t worked. He didn’t have the full tools as before obviously - just here to check if they functioned. He quickly made a note of it on the back of his printed map as a precaution ---

- ‘leaking again bolt area  - joints - may require heavy maintennce - close rstrnt?

Alright, that was more than enough. Remembering the details was easier anyway when you weren’t being distracted by the strange sickly-sweet iron stench of this not-really sewer.. A cursory glance at the other pipes revealed nothing else of note, aside from typical grime and the leaking orange substance --

Hold on. Orange? Valeri jerked his head up to look at the pipe again. This was a brand new development and he was already dreading the report he had to write. He obviously couldn’t feel it through his padded gloves, but it was slimy, and prone to gelling, and the source of the new alarming smell. It couldn’t be sludge or whatever sewer stuff and he hurriedly pocketed the pen and paper, hoping that he wouldn’t have to stay around any longer for any longer, grabbing his duffel and making a blind beeline right for what he felt was exit as he whispered the zone where the exit was located ; “B3-Z6, B3-Z6, B3-Z6…”walking right into another dead end, and Valeri was staring right into a wall where the pipes ended. Checking the map, he felt his temples throb a bit at his own stupidity.

There was no B3-Z6; the ink had simply smeared down connecting the 5 into a 6, and Z5 was in another end of the Basement. Fuck.

He held his breath, trying not to yell, only letting out a long sigh through his gritted teeth over how blind he was. He leaned against one of the pipes in the corner, letting himself take a good look at his surroundings in the dim light.

And then the pipe moved in a little. 

The speed at which Valeri moved away from the wall in fear was understated, and he traced the offending pipe that moved, before having his fear turn into confusion. 

The entire section of the wall that he had leaned in was not a wall - rather, it was an extremely well concealed door with thin yellow pipes that had no function. Gently handling them had no effect - it did not budge, but when he pushed it down, the door groaned and swung in, revealing a terrifyingly steep metal staircase down with no lighting, save for a small light winking erratically in the dark. Shining his light down felt pointless - the inky darkness just absorbed it.

Nothing and no one had any mention of this door. He had been working for the Red Bull company for a good three and a half years, and all the maps to the various places around the city were well documented and labelled. This was not one of them and the map had nothing of note about this section. 

To anyone else, they would simply be bolting out of the area at that very moment. Unfortunately, Valeri found himself very rational and massively intrigued by this entire complex. Gingerly, he stepped a foot at a time to test its structural integrity, and upon finding that it was safe, descended down, but not before dumping his duffel to make sure the door did not close, and only carrying his torch with him.

.

.

.

// 17:27 ------------------------

“Valeri! Whaddup!”

A man by the name of Jann walked into the office with his drink, fully prepared for his shift. This simple routine was broken by the obvious lack of his co-worker’s reply, or presence for that matter, alongside the general state of affairs of his table. A remnant of a sandwich wrapper was hastily left, and the man snorted. Is he still around? Not like him to stay til it was truly the end of his shift.

Jann stole a glance at Valeri’s PC, being the nebby person he was. That one busted pipe again and …an Austrian tabloid site about weird unsolved cases. ‘...human remains found in highly unusual places in and around the three Germanic-speaking Countries…not really human parts…’ Since when was he into this shit?

Whatever. I need my shit for later. The thought of his colleague was promptly put to the back of his mind as he went back out to his own locker for his own tools.

.

.

.

The logical assumption was that he was in the sewer tunnels of Salzburg at this point. But the air was not the overwhelming stench of grease and waste he knew of; to his curiosity, but rather…of clinics. Unless there was a clinic that he hadn’t known of that had terribly bad disposal practices, this all pointed to “a bad idea”. But they were on the extreme outskirts, and the medical bay wasn’t even close to being near Hangar 7. And yet he was following that smell because frankly, there weren’t any other routes down here.

The technician had no idea how far down he was at this point. He had long left the stairwell into an equally badly lit metal stairway. It was notable to him that everything down here felt ‘neat’. He had looked at his gloves and the odd cleanliness confirmed it, getting him to wonder how long - or recently - this place had been built. The pipes were dead silent, a stark contrast to the constant drone of gas and liquids of Basement 3. He hated that he could almost hear the ringing in his ears.

.

.

.

‘Disposal’ . Now that room was going to bode well for him certainly. He considered leaving it knowing it would be locked like the others, but the little squeaks of the door hinge said otherwise, baffling him. 

Still somewhere, at least.

The apparent smallness of the room was obvious the moment he stepped in and was greeted by a shelf four steps away.  The stains on the floor lit by his torch was enough to inform him it was clearly trash water stains.

And then Valeri looked past the first shelf directly into the eyes of a head smiling right at him.

Or the lack of its eyes, in this case.

Valeri screamed, sending his torch  clattering to the floor. The beam’s frantic movement did not help as he properly perceived the unknown shelved objects lit up by the beam – forearms, feet, torsos, heads, hair, red lines – He scrambled backwards and right out of the door, and into the hallway– 

Nononononopenopenopenopenope—

He had run to the opposite end of the corridor steps. He wanted away, wherever the fuck. The voids were clear in his mind’s eye and he wanted it gone.

Direction did not matter, and when he finally gained his wits, he realised he was not in the vicinity of Disposal,, but the set of stairs on the other end of the corridor. 

All his lights were off. He didn’t remember when. But he would be thankful for it, when he heard the clanking of footsteps from above and chose to hide in the darkness with the safety of his dark hoodie. Praying wasn’t enough, as Valeri held his breath and shut his eyes so tightly it hurt.

Tnk….tnk….tnk….

.

.

.

‘Hold it properly, I’m gonna open the door.’ The sound of the hinge hunking and opening, and a pause.

‘……//what the hell, why is it a mess? fucking Stein...’

Valeri opened one eye. As his muddy vision solved itself, he made out two figures in weird medical suits in front the room he had just run out of. One of them carried what was unmistakably a body, but without its head. 

He stifled a choke of disgust, unsure whether it was from the scene, or the overwhelming medical stench.

In a beat, the one outside carrying the headless body threw it in.  There was no care whatsoever, no regard, until he heard the barely perceptible conversation become clearer as they headed closer back to the stairs they came back from.

“How… cking bodies did they make? ”

“After that Seb guy retired. Had to remove everything. Burn, trash, whatever. ‘No more Vessels’. ”

“Which Seb, there are like, four...five.”

“Vettel. Some  program years ago, but just started to take out the trash after that big old guy died.” A pause. “Fuck that other old man too, creepy-ass one eye. Said they still kept one though…”

He waited a minute more, hearing the last garbled words of “...not even having a wiki pic”. making sure of complete silence before leaving the safety of his space and bolted his way back from where he came. It made no sense whatsoever, sounded fucking wrong, but he had enough of it, and he had enough of parts, he’d enough about weird shit, he just wanted to not fix that fucking pipe anymore. 

Back up the steel rusty staircase. 

Up the tunnels. 

Up the stairwell, until he saw the duffel bag that loyally kept the cursed door open. Valeri grabbed it, and hightailed it back the right way this time. B3-Z3, Z2, Z1, and he tanked the door open, almost falling over with the full force of his body just trying to get the fuck away from Basement 3, up, up , up to Basement 1  and his face right into the of the guard from earlier.

“What took you so long? Isn’t it just an inspection?”

The guard was not amused at the sight of the technician, who looked right out from a sewer. Valeri wanted to tell him about everything below, but it sounded utterly stupid and would get him dragged out the premises and his job permanently.

“.......i just tried running up the stairs." oof.

“............That’s what I thought. You techies barely do jack anyway. This section is going to be off limits, closing time and all. Hurry along.” The guard walked off, leaving Valeri to be alone.

It was for the best really. But he had noticed something when he said it. It didn’t feel like that guy’s first time, either.

.

.

.

// 18:00 ------------------------

“Jesus Christ, Valeri. You really haven't – You look like shit?”

The sopping-wet technician stood in the doorway of his office, while Jann peered from behind his PC. 

“...Yeah, pretty shit day overall. Also, they told me to check the pipe.”

“Oh?”

“It’s fucked again. Can’t believe it. Needa write a report.” Walking over to his table, he started stuffing his things into his usual work bag, trying hard to hide his tremors. That weird fucking face kept flashing in his mind and he knew it was going to have a bad night tonight. 

Just keep with the report. That’s it. That’s all.

.

.

.

// August 5, 10:22 ------------------------

Doo-doot.

The Teams application lit up, and the weary Valeri looked at the message from his Teammaster with furrowed brows. 

“forget about the second day” “Second day?” “fully read your report…..yeah forget about the second day inspection. We’ll let an external team do it. out of our scope really” (thumbs up react)

Good. As long as it wasn’t him, he didn’t care. He navigated to his fave tabloid site and was ready to gorge on stupid funny articles again for the rest of the day, until he scrolled to the sports section.

“Vettel Possibly Back To F1? New F1 Boss Inbound!” said the heading. But that didn’t catch his eye – rather, the image used was his Championship win in 2010. Kind of hard to believe that this little babyface won one of the most prestigious titles in the sporting world,yet with a demeanour so loved by everyone until his last curtain call. And yet...

Babyface?  

He stared at the picture for a good minute. No mistaking it, that was the same face he saw in the cesspit 2 days ago. The same body type they tossed into the disposal. And he didn’t feel too good. He tabbed out, pressing his palms to his eyes to rid of the sight in his mind again.  But the same fucking grin kept appearing in his mind.

It’s just a stupid fucking sport about cars. What do you need for all that?

--------------------------------

that was ass. Thanks for reading it. 3200 i think…i edited it in the post either way.

It used to be that before the page got updated, his wiki page was…really scant (go wayback machine his jan ‘22. Like the picture used for him was literally a drawing.) weirdo.

I just watched too much wendigoon, nexpo and lemmino, fnaf stuff  the past week. Safe to say i wasnt really sleeping well.

Lol. https://www.redbull.com/gb-en/f1-wrc-f3-motorsports⠀⠀⠀

I like to think the vessels are made from the same stuff as gemjam’s reset @ ao3. Great oneshot and has lead to perma rb-drivers-are-experiments brainworms.

[afewmarvelousthoughts]

Just gonna talk about my current WIP

... and life. Because this is a nice cozy place where I can do that and only one of you knows me IRL.

So, in July, I was laid off. Well, my team was laid off. One of the many casualties in the "who needs DEI" wave. I can't even be particularly mad about it because that job was horrible. I dreaded work every day and I'm pretty sure that had I stayed, my health would have suffered more than it already had.

Then came the burnout. That shit hit me like a freight train. I've spent the majority of the last 2.5 months trying to give myself space to rest as much as possible (while also job hunting because I'm not exactly in a position that I can just BE unemployed). And y'all, rest is hard. Like really hard. But we're working on it.

While I 100% view this as a time I can and must rest, it also feels like an opportunity to actually focus on writing.

Hell, if I'm being honest, it feels like the universe went, "You said you would do this if you only had time to dedicate to it. Here you go." Now I've just gotta do the thing. Which... is also hard.

I've had several WIPs bubbling away for years now. Ones I've shared with folks, ones people ask me about. But the one I'm focusing on right now I haven't shared with anyone.

It's too personal, but not in a way that folks would assume. It's not autobiographical (though it is set just outside of Boston, where I'm now calling home) or anything of that sort. It's simply that I'm so in love with the two main characters I'm nervous to say anything about the story to folks close to me until it's finished.

But no one is likely to see this so I'm gonna share a bit here:

Toni. Bless Toni. She's a little me and probably a little you too. The definition of someone running toward something even though far too many people think she's running away. She is a woman who refuses to accept good enough and deals with the repercussions of that--especially as a fat woman (a through line in most of my femme MCs). In her case, she chose to end a relationship with a man most people considered a catch--ya know a catch who thought he could convince her to have a baby she said she didn't want--and move across the country rather than allow herself to stay in a situation that made her miserable. Now, alone--save for her best friend a few towns over--she's rebuilding her life and unpacking the baggage that says she's unreasonable and unreliable for choosing her happiness.

And y'all... Cillian. Lord. He's a local boy--complete with that Bahston accent--and built like a tank. Everyone around him can see how golden his heart is, not because he wears it on his sleeve but because he has an aura of goodness that is almost impossible to miss. Were you to tell him that, he'd tell you you're full of shit. The thing about Cillian is that he's the kind of good that comes from going through hell. In his case, hell was literal war. Now, 10 years out of the military and 8 sober, he's still reconciling with parts of himself he'd rather bury. Think a little Bucky Barnes with a dash of Frank Castle and then the rest, well the rest is just Cillian: The boy who should have been a musician, not a soldier. The man who runs his family's bar and escapes to his property in New Hampshire when the world is too much. The 6'2" 275lb brick of muscle that collects floral robes and buys expensive sheets and falls so in love with a gorgeous plus size powerhouse of a woman that it undoes him a little.

I love them. I love how they're going to open up with one another, to allow the other to see the parts of them that are still bleeding and know that it will be ok.

(They also fuck like rockstars so there's that.)

I'm still working on the first draft, but I think I can have it done in the next couple of weeks. From there, revisions and then MAYBE eyes that aren't mine.

Hopefully, someone other than me cares about their slow conversations, the softness of their fall, the low stakes but high emotion of it all.

-sigh-

Anyway. That's been my world of late. Thanks for being the void tumblr.

Love ya.

[gremlinasis]

18 - I've been wandering

Two years and a bit later and I'm in a completely different life.

Short summary: I stayed with my ex after she cheated, we got over it but the feeling she had that she wasn't ready for a serious relationship loomed over us. Beside that I was progressing through my studies and I graduated with honors in July of 2022. Quickly after I took an an engineering job at a multinational.

The job didn't really match with me and I was constantly out of the country and away from my friends and my ex. It weighed a lot on me and my relationship, which was going through more downs than ups at that point with me being in a bad place generally and her still longing for her independence from a partner. It got better for a while in the beginning of this year, but she left on a semester abroad in February and that's when things started changing.

She didn't want me to stay too close during that time, she was too far away for me to be able to visit without preparation and she didn't want me to plan any visits or really to talk to me too much. For the first two months I kept a daily sort of diary for her about my life with short notes about things I would love to tell her that day, reading it back now it's heartbreaking because you can see me falling apart slowly. After a few months it all cracked. Me sending her that I loved her would make her cringe and just in general anything that referenced us as romantic partners would make her close off.

At that point my mental health started shattering. I hated my job and I knew I was losing my relationship. Because I was away so often it was also hard to get support from my friends, I was living far away from them and I was too lonely to get myself out of it. So I started to go to a therapist.

Slowly I worked on understanding myself better, to give myself the space to think and to process what was going on in my head and my heart.

Once my ex came back it was clear we were done. It took about a month and a half where I saw her maybe 4 times before we finally sat together and told each other we couldn't do this anymore. From her perspective she couldn't be in a relationship right now and from mine I couldn't be someone that was the worst part of someone's day. It was destroying me to be actively unwanted, not necessarily for who I am but for simply filling a role that she didn't have room for. So we ended it after three years together.

A week later I sent an e-mail asking about PhD positions to my thesis promotor, three days later he responded that he wanted to look into it with me and I went to pride and kissed my friends (I had a situation with one of them after that also broke off, which is a whole other story), four days after pride I booked a meeting with my promotor and quit my job. Three weeks later I got a PhD position which is what I'm currently spending my days with.

Life is still difficult to navigate, but I need to be grateful as well that I'm here now. If the me of April this year would see me now, I think she'd cry. I'm not where I want to be yet, not professionally, personally or mentally, but I got myself out of my lowest point.

I'm dealing with a lot still. My ex and I still talk and it's clear that we still haven't finished this completely. There is a lot of love left there from both sides and it's not clear to me where my romantic life is going to head. I want to be loved well though, I understand now that I need to be actively wanted. I need a partner that wants me around as their standard, I want to be with someone that wants to take steps with me (in due time), someone that wants to move in together, that wants to have a life together, so we aren't just updating each other about our separate lives, that we live a part of each others life as well.

But I also think I need to literally & figuratively fuck around a little before I can try doing that again.

My next step is moving out of home, I don't know when that will be, but I'm working on it.

So yes, a lot has happened as of late, curious to see where next my life is gonna lead.

[hhawesome42]

I don’t expect anyone to read this but I’ve been having a hard time lately and I just feel like screaming into a void or something and this is the next best thing.

So I live with my grandparents because they live really close to uni and dorm fees are high so yeah. It was nice and loved living with them but in April my step-grandpa filed for divorce in April because he didn’t want to deal with my family anymore ( my disabled uncle who is totally bedridden who lives with us, my mom and dad and brother who do not live with us but come over all the time because I lived there and grandma is my dads mom) because my parents ate his food when they came over and when ever they had a hard time with my dad’s social security and or disability checks my grandma helped them and he hated that, so when he got a job in another state he packed up all his stuff when he moved there and the plan was he move to Colorado and make big money and give my grandma money to take care of the bills here, but one Saturday morning in April he calls my grandma and says “hey I filed for divorce yesterday.” And this shit was out of the mother fucking blue. He told my grandma I love you when they talked on the phone the day before and said nothing about the divorce at all until that Saturday morning. Fast forward to June/ July. Instead of taking the time to take care of her self and figure out who she was outside of marriage and kids and stuff, she started online dating. At first I thought she was just going to use it as way of getting over him, she falls for some guy she met on Facebook dating. At first they talked on the phone then they FaceTimed and shit like that. That lasted for a couple of weeks then she went to meet him irl to go on a date. Then he came over and stayed the week. Why a week? Because the fucker doesn’t have a car or job just a small disability check. I was cool with it a first. They only did this every other week because she would take him back where he lived which was like 2 hrs away on the weekends and then when my grandma got off work that Friday she would go get him and so on and so forth. But recently with out me knowing he moved in. I wasn’t asked it just happened. I don’t know this guy and I pretty much stay in my room because I’m not comfortable around new people, and it takes me a little bit before I do. He walks around without a shirt and he doesn’t look good okay he kinda looks like the principal guy from grown-ups 2. And he recently got a new tv and sound bar. This sounds like it’ll be awesome but my room is right next to the living room and the dude is deaf as fuck like only one ear works. And my wall is thin and my bed is right next to the wall that is shared between the living room. I try not to say anything during the day because I usually play games at my computer and watch tv, but at night I want to sleep. I have to go to bed at 9pm because the fall semester starts next week and I have to get back on my sleep schedule, so last night I asked him, can you please turn it down so that I can sleep, and afterwards he exhales, like like clearly pissed him off and I shit you not this was his face 😠. So that pissed me off. The dude doesn’t usually go to bed until 11:30 PM and even though I asked him to turn it down I could still hear it/ feel it so I couldn’t go to sleep until midnight or so and I had to get up at 5 am to practice my sleep schedule. So I’m tired y’all. And as of right now 8 am he’s in there watching tv on high volume and I can’t say shit because this morning I told my grandma what happened last night and I had her talk to him about it and his response was “ she acts like she the Queen of Sheba, ( because of the tv) and at first he was told that he has to keep the tv down when the semester starts because she has homework but rn she has no homework. “ And I apparently talk to him with a condescending voice. I’m like wtf does that matter if I have home work or not. I just want to be respected and I want to be able to sleep rn but I can’t because I’m a bitch. Like what is it with men that when women do or say anything that isn’t what they want were automatically called a bitch?!? I’ve tried to be respectful but how respectful can I be when I’m sleep deprived?!?!

[crystallineirises]

Succession 4.3: Connor’s Wedding Liveblog

I’ve never done one of these before AYE

I turned my phone OFF for this. Not silent, OFF

HERE WE GO

“dramatic music playing” no shit you know what show this is

KERRY LOOKS FLY

yeah he likes you *eyebrow raise*

Those letters are pretty cool 

NO THE GERRI SLANDER OH SHIT

SO WILL YOU GIVE HER THE HEADS UP

NICER 

“you were close” WELP is that what the kids are calling it

GIVE. HER THE WORD. TODAY.

*lively music*

Shiv in black is a mood

Tom is Joan Rivers this season i’m living

GREGGING

GREGLETS

GREGGIES

Willaaaaaaa a princess hoe is life ugh love her

I can’t believe the Togan girlies are winning i’m so thrilled for them

OH SHIT CYD TOO

Karolina watch your ass 

DAMN Karolina said fuck my work wife

THEME SONG

my comment about Gerri blowing these fools away with hat!pistol really would be justified 

DAMN I’m glad I switched to the Ted Lasso side as far as romantic ships for this season cause we ain’t winning over here

GOLF CART RICH BITCH

Omg is that Laurie

babygurl is STRESSED

TOM LOOKIN SINISTER

MARTYN

GERRI KNOWS

SHE CANT GO TO EUROPE RUDE

WHY

DICPICGATE

SHE IS FUMING

I’M GOOD

The I’M GOOD heard around the WORLD

OH NO THE TEARS 

OOOOOOH this was bruuuutaaaallll

This poor wedding planner lol that’s gonna be me in two weeks

BEING CUNTY

ARE YOU BEING A CUNT

Kendall looking sharp AF go bitch go

Sup Julie you’re an icon too 

Every assistant level person on this show is an icon

Gerri’s like let me get wasted it’s about go down go DOWN 

Roman why’s your hair so fucked lol i know we’ve talked about it but like wow

What if that was Gerri texting him pictures of her pussy lol

This bitch ain’t sick stop lol

Wait

Wut

OH 

OH FUCK

guess it’s not 9/11 part 2 guess it’s just an old man being an old man lol

Oh it’s Grey’s Anatomy all of a sudden

ON THE GROUND

ON THE FLOOR

TONIGHT WE GON GET IT ON THE FLOOR

his poor sad voice BABYGIRL

YOU DID A GOOD JOB

my heart feels all PANICKED

wow no one thought to start looking for Shiv Jess would never let this happen

SHIVY HONEY

this camera work is beautiful 

I CAN’T HAVE THAT

Sarah Snook’s shaking hands just won her an Emmy

Not to be rude but does this mean Gerri is saved

lovely good plane people

JESS my other baby girl

KEN GO INSIDE WE DON’T LIKE KEN BY WATER

OH wow pilots saying no 

“he’s flying the plane, son” LOL

we were really thinking we’d have to wait around all season for this NO BITCH THIS iS LIVE

Damn

*pours one out*

I just literally poured seltzer water on my carpet

Damn Kerry I sure hope you got that baby though 

GASP

CONNOR

the framing of this shot is gorgeous 

HENEVEREVENLIKEDMEEEEEEEEEEEE

i never got the CHANCE to make him proud of ME

Weddings are just really not good for these people

i wonder how fuckin rich they just got dude lol

oh Roman is the babiest babygirl bad day for Roman all around

And Gerri can’t even comfort him or NOTHIN 

SQUAD

Karolina is that bitch and i’m so about it put her high up in the Kerry/Jess administration

okay $100 bucks says Kerry murdered him

KAROLINA SAID GET OUT LEAVE RIGHT NOW 

Gerri > POTUS as it should be 

DELETE THE LOGISTICS

oh TOM I LOST MY PROTECTOR Togan was real AF for these three episodes

GASP Gerri 

Oh Karolina tryna make up now I don’t know about that 

“are you just with me for money” you...but...like...

Reagan’s with tweaks lol

How do they know already wow did Greg fuck that up 

THAT THE DANCE YOU LIKE SHIV STAY SWINGING

ooook oooooh they’re alone in a room 

Just kidding Roman’s outside now 

CONTROLLL TO GET WHAT I WANT 

GANG IS BACK 

OH HE WANTED HER TO HOLD HIM SO BADLY DAMN us Roman/Gerri babies is suffering 

These strings are going crazy hell yeah scoring

lol everyone with their handshakes

PRESS PRESS PRESS PRESS PRESS LOGANS DONT NEED MORE PRESS

WE INTEND TO BE THERE BAM

Roman said yeaaaah i know it’s stupid, i just gotta SEEEE it for MYSELFFF

[passingdaysthings]

01.04.2023 - Sleep Deprived Thoughts

Today is Wednesday.

I am currently sleep deprived because I have this cough that won’t allow me to sleep, and I haven’t had a good night of sleep in like 5 days. I can’t believe I made my first post in 2020 when I was struggling mentally and  trying to figure out my life. I am still struggling to figure out my life right now, but I think it’s easier because I am in a better place mentally. I understand that I am trying to pick a career path that won’t make me hate my life and be extremely depressed for the rest of it. I have also gotten over the thought of not being good enough for things. I should really be nicer to myself and stop judging myself so harshly. 

This year is going to be very busy. Some things coming up:

1. (Jan) My little sister is moving to Iowa for work so I need to drive her there, help her move, and then fly back. 

2. (Jan) I will be playing in a beach league in the competitive division, and this will be my first time. I am very lacking as a beach player so I am worried. 

3. (Jan) My second quarter of grad school starts tomorrow. Good luck, you got this! 

4. (Jan) I will need to be doing a lot of volleyball training because there will be a big tournament in February. 

5. (Jan) I have a job interview tomorrow at USF in the College of Nursing. This is for a research assistant position studying sleep.

6. Lunar New Year will be on Jan 22nd. It will be the year of the rabbit! 

7. (Feb) I believe the only thing I have in Feb is going to be the volleyball tournament. 

8. (Mar) I will be going to see Sik-k with Bethany in Orlando. 

9. (Mar) I will be going on my very first cruise with some close volleyball friends that I consider my family. It will be a week long, and I really hope I don’t get seasick. 

10. Nothing big planned for April and May except for some HS graduations in May.

11. (June) I believe that my sister and I will be going to Cancun with Grace sometime in June to celebrate our birthdays. 

11.5. (July) It will be my 27th birthday! It’s crazy to think that I will be 27. It will also be Taylor’s birthday, and I wonder if we will spend it together this year. I had a lot of fun hanging out last year. 

12. (Oct) This is probably going to be the biggest thing because I am planning to go to Japan with Victoria, Bethany, and Taylor.   

I am really looking forward to what is to come in 2023. Looking back at all my posts are always fun because I like to see what I was worried about and how it turned out. I am still waiting to see what happens when I meet Taylor in person though. My opinions on Taylor change all the time based on his action, and it’s really annoying sometimes. I am just so wishy-washy when it comes to him. Part of me is like, fuck it, just sleep with the dude, and the other part of me is like, why tf would you just wanna be another girl that he as slept with. I am really interested to see what will happen with our “friendship”. That reminds me, this bitch was talking to me the other day, and was said, we might need to sneak off just the 2 of us and go to a hotel. I was a little shocked because we hadn’t talked about sleep together for awhile, but it was brought up again and I agreed. He also said my friendship with Bethany was weird because we lay in the same room, but we don’t really talk to each other. IS YOU THINK THAT IS A WEIRD FRIENDSHIP THEN PLEASE EXPLAIN OUR FRIENDSHIP, SIR. WHAT BEST FRIENDS WHAT TO SLEEP TOGETHER WITHOUT HAVING FEELINGS? Maybe all of this is hard for me to process because I have never been interested in sleeping with any of my friends let alone my BEST friend, AND I am not someone who just sleeps with anyone they fine attractive. I really need to get over whatever tf it is that we have because I miss that time before August where we started talking more intimately. There is also a part of me that wished I had never said anything because I feel like that changed us too. I knew he didn’t like, but I needed to get over it so confessing was the easiest option LOL. 

Diet goals: Be 180 by June and 175 by Dev 2023. 

Well, here’s to 2023. I hope that is goes well, and I can meet my goals. I also hope I will figure out the Taylor thing so I can move on and stop thinking about it LOL. 

-P

[truetraumadumping]

finally something positive but like super long because it has been a while

I usually come on here to rant the worst and be negative because there isnt really any other outlet for me to do that. We often have the worst luck and live the saying “when it rains, it pours” through and through. But for once the overall of this post is positive and celebratory, after some bitching and dumb shit of course lol 

We have been stuck living with my SIL&her boyfriend since April 1st. Jack has his own small room, a tiny toilet&sink room between his room and ours. Our room holds us, our 2 dogs and 5 cats, then all that comes with it i.e. litter boxes, bed, desk for when I was working my last job. It is just cramped and annoying and rough. It isn’t our 1st choice at all, but with our animals and what our bring in money totaled to, we could not get approved anywhere. We have spent almost a grand on application fees this year alone. About a week ago or so, we were talking about something else to do with my new job***(connects below with same symbols) and she fucking said “ No offense but how much longer y'all tryna stay? “ literally word for word what she messaged....... fucking seriously bitch? 1st of all, every single animal except 1 cat, we have because of her, we have a child to care for financially and all aspects, because she had him and CAN’T DO IT HERSELF, 2nd WE DON’T WANT TO BE HERE EITHER not only are we all smushed into these rooms, we have 0 privacy, they don’t take care of their own cat litter boxes as they should so it always smells terrible out there, so I cant even have anyone over if i could get over the dogs and the room and such, they own this trailer and are just letting things fall apart and there is so much mold growing in the bathroom its terrible for everyone’s lungs. They sell weed so our anxiety is ALWAYS high because we have a child here so god forbid they got busted we would all be fucking screwed and the dogs barks every time someone knocks to come pick up so we have to tell them to shut up multiple times an hour every single fucking day and finally 3rd of all they cant even afford their own lives without us, literally, they do not make enough money and depend on the people staying here rent money for their bills. so like why you asking that shit?? she also could’ve worded it so many different ways, saying the same point without the attitude, and we all know things that start with “no offense...” are always fucking offensive. 

So I got laid off from Premier 10/31; I took that week to just do nothing and kinda wallow cause it fucking sucked and all that. I knew I would get approved for unemployment, my boss already told me to apply and claim it, but my ID expired a few months ago and it hasn’t been an issue so I hadn’t looked into what I needed to do for a new one. However to apply for unemployment, I needed a valid form of ID.... so they recently combine the local offices into 1 location and the next appt when I looked wasn’t for like 3 weeks out  uuggghhhh so I booked it in case I couldn’t find a way there for a walk in before then. I did when Billie finally went and got hers done by appt ((side rant, she went unemployed for like 4 months July-mid October, did NOTHING, didn’t apply for unemployment, actively look for a job, NOTHING)), I had to wait there, well outside the building for over 3 hours. finally got called to the inside waiting room so even if they closed i was going to be seen that day. I brought cash to pay since paying with card had a percentage surcharge and over course out of 15 clerks only 2 handled cash, so I had to wait a little longer for that aspect, but once I was finally in front of the clerk the entire interaction from start to walking out was maayybbee 15 minutes, it was insane. Side note I not only was able to update my address finally but also my middle name was spelled wrong on it so I finally got the corrected too. Anyway with the new type of ID cards, they don’t print them right there, they give you a temporary paper and you have to wait she told me 2 weeks for the state capital to send it out to me. JFCCCCCCCC so when I went to try and apply for unemployment I couldn’t because they wouldn’t accept the paper temporary ID and they wouldn’t accept the expired ID I still had because the address has changed, this was all online. So I tried calling and its an automatic system of course, so they ask for an 8 digit pin with your SSN, and if you are new enter a new one, and they saying checking it, then it restarts the whole process, over and over and over and over again. I did it 15 times before I just lost my mind and hung up. There was no operator option, pressing 0 over and over did nothing like some systems triggers you to an operator. The only other option was the unemployment office itself; since COVID they do appointment only but you can’t schedule an appointment without an account so online and by phone were not an option for scheduling and they won’t even let you inside the building without an appointment confirmed on their end by your name over the door speaker. So there I am unemployed, not able to bring any money in for however long because even after I finally get my ID I have to wait the employer dispute period after applying. 

Oh, also before the day spent waiting to do my new ID but after my wallow week, I spent an entire day redoing my resume. It had been so long since I had updated it, the expected style has changed and I had to track down some info to update it. I also had to go over dozens of phrases and skills to build it just right for the positions I wanted to apply for. It was brain melting but I did it and it looks great. So the next day I applied for 25 jobs, this ranged from just sending my resume and answering some basic contact info and availability questions to like full blown tests with math and science questions. It was wild how different the process is from the last time I did it all. With Premier I got the job because I knew someone working there and she knew I needed the job, the boss knew Max from way back in and was like “yeah she’s hired” I didn’t even fill out an application for the job until like 4 days into training lol! Then with Schedule It, I was hired for call center originally and storm season was fast approaching so I would’ve been hired pretty much no matter what and only applied to a couple other places. So this latest was the most I have ever done job/career wise. I really wanted something remote and like data entry or such, not on the phone because in this space, all of us cramped and the dogs always braking from their sale traffic, calls would just be insane. Outta those initial applications I got back like 4 immediate nos and 1 to move on to the next step of their process, which I did but it ended up being a sales position with pay based on how many sign-ups you got, no thaankkk you. Then I got a couple more “no we went with some one else” emails, was still waiting on my ID to apply for unemployment and just all around in the dumps over it all. ((side note SIL got a job at Murphys purely on a friends word and they didn’t treat her great, had some staffing issues then messed up her 1st paycheck so she no call/no show quit because she supposedly had a management position with Dominos but never started it, then got told it is actually part-time nights hahahahahaha after waiting around for this new Taco Bell location to open up because she supposedly knows the GM and will get hired as management there when they open)) I finally had to tuck my pride and ask my Dad for help buying some groceries because little man got super sick during all this and so was home for all 3 meals and I had no moeny coming in for sure until the beginning of the month with Max’s check; Dad of course helped us majorly, so grateful for him and we haven’t had to ask him for help in a while so it wasn’t a big deal really. 

So finally I got my ID, earlier than anticipated luckily and finally got unemployment set-up so the waiting period could start. Then I got an email that someone finally wanted to interview me for their available position, a basic into interview really. They told me about the position, expectations/tasks and pay after going over my work history with me. Fully Remote Customer Service Representative for PNC Bank! Not only remote, but for like a real legit sold company instead of a start-up or some sketchy fly-by-night one. Issue being it is phone calls, I am supposed to have a fully closed off space with no distractions i.e. ours will not work at all between smushed in 1 room and the dogs. But the pay is literally life changing for my family, it will get us out of poverty and living paycheck-to-paycheck, it cannot be passed up. We could get out of staying here with just a few paychecks easily, it is just getting set-up and doing it a bit. So Max and I thought maybe putting a shed up, set me up out there in it to avoid all the issues and we would move it with us since we were planning to get into one of the new trailers right in this same park. *** so we bring this up to my SIL and supposedly sheds are not allowed per lease even tho we have watched a few neighbors put sheds up since we started staying here. Now we have 0 clue wtf we are going to do because my set-up just cannot be worked in here, simply cannot and I NEED to get and keep this job, it is too big of a chance for us all. So I think “hrm, well dad had talked about helping us with the move-in cost of a place, we just hadn’t done it cause my previous job wasn’t enough for rent every month, but with this new one it will be, so maybe he could get us in one of these new trailers in the park and boom there we go”, so the next time I see him I bring it up. Now quick side note, his girlfriend was in a major car accident several weeks ago, like a really bad one, in a wheelchair, back brace all of it. Also they have been building their dream house out on my Dad’s lake property, I knew it was really close to done, but it is actually finished and with her being in a wheelchair and all, his old place didn’t let her get around well. So when I brought us needing out to Dad, he suggested his old place. He owns the land its on, it’s all fenced in, the trailer on it isn’t amazing but it is livable and will be ours! We are going to pay him “rent” to go towards buying the trailer and land, it’ll be ours in just a couple of years, then we can work on getting our new custom trailer on the land. It is on the edge of the bigger city, puts school in a better school district and we won’t be in the same park as where we are now so we can avoid my SIL for a while! 

[kellerybird]

Somehow…

I feel like I had more freedom when I worked full time

Yes, 8 hours of my day five days a week was spent at work, compared to the ~4 hours a day four days a week I average working part time now…

But life was steady, stable, and secure

Arguably that feels more freeing than the extra free time

I didn’t need to stress about making ends meet, about being able to afford food, about what to do with myself, abut not being able to afford to take time off

I’ve been looking casually at full time jobs for a while, but I think it’s time to push forward with getting one

[disturbedbydesign]

Take Me Home - Part 11

PAIRING: Dennis Baker x Reader

SUMMARY: It’s been nearly a year since your ex-boyfriend dumped you and left you with a laundry list of insecurities, and you haven’t been able to really put yourself out there since. But when Dennis shows up at the adoption fair you’re running for your job at the animal shelter, there’s just something about him that makes you feel like you’re ready to try again.

WORD COUNT: 6K

WARNINGS (more to come): Body Issues (Dennis and Reader), References to Past Animal Abuse, Emotionally Abusive Exes (Dennis and Reader), Mention of Past Domestic Violence (Dennis’s Evil Ex), Dry Humping/Thigh Riding, Two Idiots In Love Making Out In A Car, Oral (M&F Receiving), Titjob, Cum Play, Fingering, Sexting/Nudes/FaceTime sex, Mutual Masturbation. 18+ only, no minors.

TAGLIST: @littlelioncub43, @whatinthestyles, @filthy-gorgeous, @justile, @valhalla-kristin, @elrw24, @janaev4ns, @ysmmsy, @ronearoundblindly, @in-umbra-gratia, @vayollie, @thornsnvultures

*Taglist is open to 18+ readers (no blank blogs) who comment, reblog, and/or chat with me via asks. If you just want to read lowkey, that’s cool and you do you, but the taglist is reserved for the lovely people who want to interact with me and my story :)

Series Masterlist

Part Eleven

This week is going to be absolute chaos. You’re working extra shifts to cover for Jack and Betsy, who are visiting her parents to give them the good news of their engagement in person, and you thought maybe you’d get at least one night with Dennis, but when he arrived at work this morning, he’d learned that one of his coworkers had quit and so his week has gone from normal to crazy as well. You’re more upset than you probably should be—after all, it’s only five days—but as Monday drags on, that feels like an eternity.

You try to focus on the fact that this weekend you’ll be having your first sleepover at Dennis’s place. You always take Badger out of town to your parents’ house over 4th of July weekend because fireworks give him horrible anxiety and your parents’ HOA strictly forbids them, so your plan is to drop him off with them on Friday, stay the night, and then head back bright and early Saturday to help Dennis get ready for the barbecue. You know he’s nervous about it—especially because he doesn’t really have close friends of his own to invite—but as he kissed you goodnight last night, he swore to you that he really does want to do something for the holiday.

“I can't remember the last time I even went to a party, nevermind had one of my own,” he’d said. “It’ll be fun. Everything is fun with you.”

If you can just get through this week, you know you’ll be rewarded handsomely, but you’re addicted to Dennis now and you don’t know how you’ll survive five whole days without him. You try to focus on work but you’ve been replaying last night in your head all day. You hadn’t expected that from him. You’d figured that Dennis’s first time going down on you would be awkward for both of you—you with your insecurities and him with his own, distracting the both of you and making it hard for you to finish. All that aside, he’d made it sound like you were going to have to teach him everything, and you absolutely would have (and done so with all the patience and kindness in the world), but turns out he didn’t need that much instruction at all. It makes you smile thinking about Dennis reading sex-tip articles, a look of deep concentration on his face as he committed everything to memory. Thinking about him watching videos, though… that makes you feel a different way entirely. The thought of Dennis watching porn and thinking about you—the things he wants to do to you, the way he wants to make you feel—has you clenching your legs under your desk.

Five fucking days. This is going to be hell.

You somehow manage to make it to your break in between your day and night shift, and you call Dennis to check in as you walk to the pizza place a few blocks away. He picks up on the second ring, like he’d been sitting there waiting for you to call.

“I was just thinking about you,” he says. 

“Oh yeah?” you reply. “And what exactly were you thinking about?”

“How good you taste.”

His voice is low and gravelly and your whole body is buzzing with yearning.

“Dennis, you can’t say shit like that when you know I can’t see you,” you say. “You’re being so mean right now.”

“I’m sorry, sweetheart.” You can tell by the gleeful tone of his voice that he isn’t. “I could come by for lunch tomorrow…”

A brief mental picture of Dennis sweeping all the shit off your desk, laying you down on it, and burying his head between your thighs flashes through your brain but you shake your head to get rid of it.

“I have a lunch meeting with the ASPCA rep tomorrow. And you’ve got your appointment with Dr. Porter on Wednesday night, right?”

“I could cancel,” he says.

“No,” you insist. “That’s important. And besides, I think the Doc would probably have something not so nice to say about me if I let you cancel your therapy session for a date.”

“He definitely would. And you’re working Thursday night again and then off to your parents’ place Friday, right? Fuck. I just… I really want to see you this week.”

“I do, too.” You can hear the whine creep into your voice but you can’t help it. You want to stomp your feet and throw a tantrum like a toddler. “This sucks.”

“It really does,” he replies, “but we can talk and text and maybe even…”

He trails off but you think you know where he was going. “Maybe even what, Dennis?”

“Nothing,” he says, coughing to clear his throat. “Nevermind. I gotta run. Boss just came by with another stack of Gary’s work for me to take home with me. Call me later?”

“Dennis…”

“Just… call me later, sweetheart. Bye.”

“OK, bye.”

You hang up and grab yourself two slices and a soda to bring back with you, and as you eat at your desk, all you can think about is that “maybe even…” and how much you want to hear him finish that sentence. You know exactly what he means, of course, and you’re completely down. After all, you and Dennis had exchanged a few racy texts before, and if you’re going to make it through five whole days, you’re going to need something to see you through.

By the time the overnight staff arrives, you’re practically asleep on your feet, and you shoot Dennis a text on your way out to your car.

Y: Leaving now. I’ll text you when I get home. Don’t want to wake you if you’re sleeping.

You get a response almost immediately.

D: I’ll be up. Call me when you get in.

The apartment is quiet when you get home; the only sounds are Badger snoring from your bedroom and Mal’s white-noise machine indicating that she is actually home and in bed early for once. You toe your shoes off at the door and read the note she left for you telling you that Badger is all set with his walk and nightly business, and when you get to your room you give Badger a scratch behind the ear (ignoring his grumpy Bitch I’m Sleeping growl) before changing into a tank top and clean underwear. You should shower the day off you but you’re just too fucking exhausted to do anything but crawl into bed and call Dennis to say goodnight.

“Hey,” he says.

“You didn’t have to stay up,” you reply. “It’s after midnight.”

“I wanted to hear your voice. I miss you.”

“I miss you, too, but I’m so fucking tired.”

“That’s a shame,” he says, a hint of mischief in his voice.

You laugh. “I want to, but not tonight,” you say, and you hear him whine.

“Please?” he begs. “You’re gonna make me do this all by myself?”

“I’m sorry, baby,” you say, a big yawn hitting you mid-sentence. “I just can’t even keep my eyes open.”

“Alright,” he says, his voice soft and sweet. “Go to sleep, sweetheart. Call me in the morning.”

“I will.”

“Oh, I know you will.”

You don’t get a chance to question him before he hangs up, and you’re too exhausted to even think clearly, so you just put the TV on low, hit the pillow, and pass out. When you wake, it’s almost 9:30—way later than you usually sleep even on days after you pull a double. Badger is standing over you looking miffed that his morning piss and breakfast have been delayed.

“Sorry, buddy,” you tell him. “Mama was tired.” He nudges your arm with his snout and you laugh. “OK, OK, I’m up.”

You throw on some sweats and a t-shirt and take Badger for his morning stroll, and once he’s done with breakfast, you grab your phone to call Dennis. Before you have a chance to call, you see you have a text from him that wasn’t there before you left for Badger’s walk, and when you open your text chain, you see it’s not a message but a video; the thumbnail is R-rated and well on it’s way to X.

He didn’t. Oh my God… he did.

You throw the living room TV on for Badger and rush into your bedroom, shutting the door behind you, and then you hit play.

“Good morning, sweetheart,” you hear Dennis say, but all you can focus on is the tented sheet in his lap. He pushes it down his thighs, revealing his massive cock in his hand as he strokes it slowly. “I wish you were here with me. Miss you so fucking much. Miss having your pretty lips wrapped around my dick.”

“Holy shit,” you say out loud to no one.

Even though Mal is at work, you grab your headphones so you can hear the deep timbre of his voice as loud as possible in your ear. You lay back on your bed and crank the volume all the way up, and the rumble of his low moans has you spreading your legs and shoving one hand down your sweats and underneath your panties.

“Been thinking about your perfect little pussy all day, baby. Got so fucking hard at work.” He squeezes his bulbous tip and you watch the precum drip out before he gathers it between his thumb and forefinger and smears it all over his head. “I want you so bad, sweetheart. Wanna see your pretty face when you cum for me again.”

He grabs a bottle of lube from somewhere off-camera and squirts a generous amount on the tip of his cock, letting it drip down the length of him before grabbing himself by the base and stroking it up and down. His hand is a blur on the screen and the schlick schlick schlick of his lubed-up strokes has you rubbing your clit in quick circles. You don’t even know where to look: his thick, muscular thighs, his abs tensing and relaxing as he moans and groans, his pecs bouncing just a tiny bit in time with his strokes. His body is absolutely sinful and—as you can hear him telling you—it’s all yours to do with whatever you’d like.

He tugs and massages his balls as he licks his lips, his neck veins straining so hard you think they’ll burst as he throws his head back and moans, “God, I can’t wait to fuck you. Just want to be inside you, sweetheart. So fucking deep inside. Oh, fuck.”

Just thinking about having that big, beautiful cock in your guts is enough to bring you to the edge, and as Dennis strokes himself to completion, your name on his lips as white ropes of cum paint his abs, you speed up your own ministrations and cry out through gritted teeth. Your chest is heaving along with Dennis’s as he comes down, rubbing his spend into his skin. You wish you could lick him clean, wait the .5 seconds it would take for him to get hard again, and then ride his cock until your body breaks in half but you can’t.

Four fucking days. 

“Talk to you in the morning, sweetheart,” he says, and then the video cuts.

As soon as you can get a grip on yourself, you call Dennis.

“Morning, sweetheart,” he says, and you can hear the amusement in his voice. “Did you get my present?”

“I honestly don’t even know what to say,” you reply.

You can feel his vibe shift through the phone. “Shit… should I not have-”

“No, no,” you tell him. “You definitely should have. That was so fucking hot. Like… do you have a secret OnlyFans that I don’t know about?”

Dennis laughs. “No. That was just for you. I don’t know what got into me last night. I’m sorry if it was too much, I just-”

“Dennis, stop. I loved it. I just came so hard watching it and I’m probably gonna watch it, like, 100 more times this week until I get to see you again.”

“I can make you another one. I mean, if you want…”

“Yes,” you say. “I want. I very much want.”

Dennis chuckles and you know that he’s blushing and you just feel so lucky to have found this sweet, sexy guy that can go from being the biggest dork to the sexiest hunk of man you’ve ever seen in your life and back again in seconds.

“Hey, Dennis?” you ask.

“Yeah?”

“I don’t care how tired I am after work tonight. You. Me. Facetime.”

***

Four days. Four more days before he can get his hands on you. Dennis had been a little nervous to send you that video, but if he can’t be with you, he wanted to show you exactly how much he wants to be with you. He’d never done anything like that before, but something about you just makes Dennis think things and do things he never would have dreamed about before you walked into his life and shattered the picture he’d had of himself. Dennis thought he knew who he was, and it was a person he didn’t particularly like: a weak man, afraid, powerless. Now, though, he isn’t so sure. It’s scary, this journey of discovering himself—at his age, a man should have a pretty good idea of who he is—but after meeting you, he realizes he has no idea who Dennis Baker actually is. He’s starting to see just how much outside influences have shaped his opinion of himself and the way he lives his life. It’s terrifying and exciting in equal measure to know that maybe he can be whoever he wants to be with you.

And he knows who he wants to be. He wants to be a strong, confident man who isn’t afraid to show you how much he wants you, who isn’t afraid to tell you how much he loves you—the type of man who would believe you if you say you love him, too. He wants to be the type of man you want to marry and start a family with, the type of man you would never get tired of loving. He wants to be the type of man who can tell you all these things—and he’s close now, he can feel it.

But this week isn’t the week. He isn’t about to tell you he loves you through a fucking text message or call or even FaceTime. No, he wants to tell you with your beautiful face just inches from his, because he knows you feel it, too. He knows you’ll say it back. He needed that bit of reassurance from Mal to fully know, but he knows now and it’s killing him to have to wait.

Four more days.

It’s about 5:30 and Dennis is wrapping up his day, packing up all of the extra work he’s got to take home with him since Gary’s abrupt departure. He liked Gary, too. He was one of only a few people at work he would consider anything close to a friend—not that they ever really hung out, but he was a nice guy, invited him into his Fantasy league (which for a long time has been his sole source of social interaction), and they could shoot the shit about baseball and the boss being a dick and all those surface, bullshit things that you talk about with a work friend. The extra work is just the icing on the cake of Gary leaving, but it isn’t anything he can’t handle. Putting in the extra hours this week wouldn’t have bothered him in the slightest before he met you, but now every second he spends doing Gary’s job is a second away from you and it pisses Dennis off a little.

He’s about to text you to see how your lunch meeting went when his phone dings. He smiles because it’s you, but when he opens your text his smile fades and his mouth drops open as a deep guttural sound bubbles up from somewhere in his chest. You’ve sent him a series of pictures, each one more titillating than the last. He recognizes your office as the backdrop of all of them, and in the first, it’s you in just your bra and jeans. In the second one, the jeans are gone and you’ve got skimpy little panties on that match your bra. In the third one, the bra is gone, and the fourth… 

“Fuck me,” he moans under his breath, taking in the sight of you bent over your desk, your gorgeous ass on display with just a sliver of pussy to tease him.

Dennis grabs his things and practically sprints to his car, holding his backpack in front of him as he goes so that none of his colleagues notice the growing tent in his khakis. The second he gets the door closed, he grabs his phone and pulls up that fourth picture, zooming in to get the best look he can at that heavenly place between your legs. There’s about a million things he wants to say to you right now—all of them absolutely filthy—and he doesn’t even know where to begin.

D: Jesus Christ I almost just came in my pants in the middle of my office

Y: Poor baby. Just giving you a taste of your own medicine…

D: Why don’t you ditch work and come give me a taste of something else?

Y: Can’t. You’ll just have to make me another video…

D: You’re a real bad girl taking nudes at work

Y: Come punish me then

D: That why you bent yourself over the desk? You need a spanking?

Y: That’s exactly what I need. That and your big fat cock in my mouth.

D: How am I supposed to drive home like this, huh? You’re killing me, sweetheart. Please let me come see you.

Y: Can’t. FaceTime later. Gotta go xoxo

“Christ,” he says to himself. “Four more days. Four more days.”

He repeats it like a mantra, wiping his brow because he’s actually sweating now and he has no idea how he’s going to get home with the massive erection that’s threatening to tear through his pants. He’s trying to push all thoughts of you out of his head in the hopes it will settle down when he gets a call from the Boner Killer herself. In any other circumstance, he would have let it go to voicemail, but he decides to pick up, if only to rid himself of his increasingly painful erection.

“What do you want, Karen?”

“Listen,” she says, her faux-regretful tone an unpleasant reminder of just how many times this has played out before, “I want to apologize for the way I acted the other day. I was just angry and I didn’t expect you to have… company. So, yeah, I’m sorry, but we need to talk about this alimony situation like adults, Dennis. I know you’re mad at me, but that doesn’t give you the right to cut me off.”

Dennis sighs: another fake apology after another drunken outburst in a bid to get what she wants from him. Same shit, different day—but it’s not the same now. Now Dennis has a reason to push back, to fight for his own happiness.

“Look, Karen, I appreciate the apology and all but I’m not doing this anymore. We’re going to court and the judge is going to decide. If the court says I have to pay, I will, but I’m going to fight like hell not to because you don’t deserve another goddamn cent from me. I want you out of my life. For good.”

“This is about her, isn’t it?” she spits, voice dripping with malevolence—there she is, the real Karen, it never takes long. “You don’t actually think she likes you, do you? Please tell me you’re not that stupid.”

“No, Karen, I don’t think she likes me. I think she loves me, and I love her, and I’ll see you in court.”

Dennis hangs up, more determined than ever to tell you how he feels. If he could say it to his demon of an ex-wife and believe it, he knows he can say it to you. He shoots an email to his lawyer, asking after the court date, and heads towards home. All he wants in the world (besides for you) is to take Jax for a nice long after-dinner walk around the neighborhood and think about how exactly he’s going to tell you.

Work clothes exchanged for his sweats and a t-shirt, Dennis walks Jax around the neighborhood, taking the longer route and letting his pup sniff leisurely as he has a good think. He knows he wants to tell you on Saturday, after the 4th of July party is over and everyone has gone home and he finally finally has you alone. Dennis knows you’re staying over that night but he tries not to put any pressure on himself about what that might mean. Of course he wants to have sex with you and he’s pretty sure you want to have sex with him, but he has to give himself some grace—leave room for the possibility that it might not feel right, or he might not be ready, or you might not be. He doesn’t want to force it; he wants it to happen organically, to feel as natural as waking up in the morning, but he knows that’s impossible—that of course there are incredibly high expectations on both sides and the first time probably won’t be some sort of magical, soul-stirring experience. He can hope, though, and he can be prepared.

Even though you were candid about the fact that you’re on birth control for your cramps, he’d bought some condoms anyway. He’d got himself tested after Karen told him she’d been fucking around on him and his results were all negative (and he hasn’t been with anyone since) but he doesn’t know about you and he can’t bring himself to ask. It wouldn’t matter to him, of course, and he knows that he should just have the conversation ahead of time like adults and go from there, but he’s just got so many other things going against him when it comes to sex that he can’t add one more awkward conversation to the mix. He’s operating under the assumption that, when and if the time comes, he will use protection, and he’s more than happy to wrap it up if it means he gets to be inside of you. It’s not what he thinks about when he thinks about fucking you, though. He thinks about fucking you raw and pumping you full and watching you drip with him. It’s what he thought even before he knew you were on the pill, and if you’d let him, he would do it even if you weren’t. But that’s another conversation—one he knows he has to have with you but that he’s not ready for. 

Because Dennis wants a family so desperately; he always has. Karen pretended to want the same thing but, like everything else, it was all bullshit. Once they got married, it was all “let’s wait a little while” and then a few years later it was “I never wanted kids—you knew that.” She actually managed to convince him that he’d misunderstood her, that she had always been honest with him about her lack of desire for motherhood. He understands now, thanks to Dr. Porter, that it was textbook gaslighting, but for a long time he thought it was his own fault he wasn’t a father.

Dennis doesn’t know what he’ll do if you don’t want to have children because it’s one of the few non-negotiable things he needs from a relationship. He doesn’t care in the slightest if he has a biological child or an adopted child; he just wants to be a dad. It’s one of the things he knows he needs to discuss with Dr. Porter tomorrow and he’s dreading it, but he feels in his heart that you want the same thing as he does. He’s never met someone with more love to give than you, never met someone so patient and kind and caring, but Dennis doesn’t want to make assumptions—not every woman wants to be a mom, and that’s perfectly ok. He just can’t put his heart and soul into one that doesn’t. Not again.

But he’s getting way ahead of himself—thinking about marriage and babies when he hasn’t even voiced his feelings for you. He has to tell you he loves you, but how? The over-the-top cheesy romantic in him thinks briefly about a fireworks display, but that would be a nightmare for Jax (who will probably already be freaked out by whatever the neighbors have going on) so Dennis quickly axes that idea. He wants to do something, though. He wants to make it special. He wants you to know that he’s felt it for a long time—that it’s not just something he spits out without thinking.

By the time he returns home with Jax, he’s still coming up empty, but if he has to wait four—well, basically three—more days to see you, at least that gives him time to come up with something perfect. Because it has to be perfect. It has to be, because you are and it’s what you deserve. He’s run out of time to focus on it now, though. He needs to get his/Gary’s work done so that he can cut out a little early for his appointment with Dr. Porter tomorrow. He fixes himself a little something to eat—the lemon spaghetti you’d taught him to make, which is his new favorite thing in the world because it’s delicious and reminds him of you—and then he gets to work with ESPN droning on in the background and Jax napping next to him on the couch.

He finishes up around 10 and takes Jax for a quick night walk before getting ready for bed. He knows he’s gonna have to wait for you a while—the overnight crew doesn’t start until 11:30 and you won’t be home before midnight—but even though he’s exhausted, all it takes is a few moments studying the pretty pictures you’d sent him earlier to have him wide awake. He lets Jax up on the bed and scrolls Netflix, deciding to start watching Schitt’s Creek because you’d told him it’s one of your comfort shows. He’s on the third episode when you finally call. 

“Hey, baby,” you say, and Dennis doesn’t know what to focus on—all he ever wants to do is look in your eyes, but you’ve got your phone tilted so that your tits take centerstage, and he can see your nipples through the sheer baby-pink bra you’re wearing. “You have a good night?”

All Dennis can say is “Fuck me.”

“I’m trying to,” you reply, panning your phone down so he can see your matching panties—if you could even call that miniscule scrap of fabric that. “You like?”

“Sweetheart, I love. But you know you don’t have to dress up for me.”

“You want me to take them off?” you ask, and Dennis doesn’t know what to say—because of course he does, there’s nothing better than you totally naked—but also you look so fucking cute in this pretty pink set you’ve chosen to wear for him: it’s somehow innocent and sinfully sexy at the same time, just like you.

“Keep them on,” he says. “You look so fucking gorgeous, baby,” Dennis says.

The hand not holding his phone reaches down to pull his cock through the hole in his boxers, and you notice, because of course you do.

“Lemme see it,” you plead. “Please? You know how much I love it.”

“You really do, huh?” he responds, and you nod. “You really love my dick that much?”

“I’d do anything for your cock, baby. Anything. Tell me what you want me to do.”

Dennis takes a moment to think about it because there are various scenarios running through his mind right now and he doesn’t know which one to pick. He decides to have you recreate the position you were in earlier because oh did he like that.

“Turn around,” he says. “Shake your ass for me.”

“So you liked that last picture, huh?” Dennis watches as you get your phone into position on your nightstand before crawling back up on your bed and sitting back on your knees. “Thought you might.”

“It was a fucking tease is what it was.”

“You want more?” you ask, running your hands up your body.

“I want everything,” he replies. “Show me.”

You flash him a naughty little smile as you reach behind you and unclasp your bra, holding the cups (as if they really hid anything at all) before you slowly let the garment drop. Dennis groans as you roll your nipples between your fingers and take your bottom lip between your teeth. He’s got the base of his cock in a death grip and its already throbbing in his hand before you even turn around. When you do, you get on all fours and look over your shoulder as you wiggle your ass at the camera. Only the tiny fabric strip of your G-string is keeping Dennis from getting exactly what he wants.

“You like that, baby?” you ask.

“Fuck yes. Now take your panties off, sweetheart. Nice and slow for me.”

You rise up on your knees and slide them down slowly as requested, only it’s painfully slow and it seems like an eternity before you’ve got them down to your mid-thighs and you’re bent over again with your knees spread wide.

“God, I love your pussy. So fucking pretty. Spread it open for me.”

You press your face to the bed and reach around on either side of you, and Dennis moans as you spread your lips apart and start to throw it back and forth slowly. Dennis starts to stroke himself at the pace you’re setting, imagining himself behind you as you fuck yourself on his cock. 

“I’m so fucking wet for you Dennis,” you moan.

“I see it. Fuck. I just wanna taste you, baby.”

“Soon,” you say. “Tell me what else you want.”

“Wanna watch my dick slide in and out of that gorgeous fucking pussy, all soaked in you. God, I need to fuck you, sweetheart.”

“I need it, too, Dennis. I need your cock so bad. I feel so fucking empty.”

“Turn around,” he says. “On your back. Wanna watch you play with that pretty little pussy until you cum.”

You grab two pillows and place them at the end of the bed, laying back against them and spreading your legs for him again.

“Lemme see your cock, Dennis. Please.”

Between the sight of you splayed out so beautifully for him and the urgent need in your voice, Dennis’s skin feels like it’s on fire he angles his phone down to give you the look you’ve been begging for. He grips the base and pushes it forward a little, and you make a hungry little mmmph sound when it twitches and jumps back a bit in his hand.

“You’re so fucking big and thick, baby,” you say as you start to circle your clit. “What if I can’t handle you?”

Dennis knows you’re just dirty talking him but he can’t say it isn’t a concern of his. He knows his dick is big, even if he doesn’t quite know what to do with it, and you were so tight around just his fingers that he’s legitimately scared he might hurt you. But he’s done his research—the importance of foreplay and lube, the best positions to make you comfortable and put you in charge of how deep he can go. The last thing in the world Dennis wants is to hurt you in any way, in the bedroom or out of it, and he’ll do whatever it takes to keep from doing so.

“I’m gonna take good care of you, sweetheart,” Dennis promises. “Gonna go nice and slow, stretch you out with my fingers first, make you cum on my tongue, get you nice and juicy and ready for me.”

“I’m ready for you now,” you say, working your clit harder and faster as your hips start to jerk a bit. “God, I wish you were here.” You grip your breast in one hand as you move your other hand from your clit to your entrance, slowly sliding two of your fingers inside. “My fingers are so fucking small compared to yours. Fuck, I need you, Dennis. Please.”

Dennis strokes his cock faster as he watches you fuck yourself on your fingers. “You’re so fucking sexy, sweetheart. Keep going.”

“I don’t know if I can cum without you,” you whine. “I need more.”

“You got any toys?” Dennis asks, desperately hoping that you do because he would kill to watch you fuck yourself with something bigger than your fingers.

“I have a vibrator,” you reply.

“Get it.”

Dennis watches your breasts sway up close as you pull your vibrator out of the drawer in your nightstand. He’s slightly disappointed to discover that it’s something small and egg-shaped and not something he can watch you fuck yourself on—he doesn’t know much about the different types of sex toys except that, according to Karen, they were all better than him—but he’s still absolutely salivating at the thought of watching you use this thing on yourself.

You turn it on and the sound is surprisingly low as you tease your entrace with it. When you bring it to your clit, you throw your head back and curl your toes and shout, “Fuck.”

“That good, huh?” Dennis asks, his eyes locked on your face as it twists up in pleasure.

“Yes,” you whisper. “Oh, God, Dennis. I’m gonna cum soon. Talk to me. Tell me how you wanna fuck me. Please.”

Dennis decides that, for the purpose of talking you through your orgasm and because he is almost ready to bust himself, he’s just going to let his inhibitions go and tell you exactly what he wants to do to you. None of it is realistic, of course; he doesn’t know if he can do any of these things (and he certainly can’t do them yet), but when he fantasizes about the ways he wants to fuck you, he doesn’t have to be realistic.

“I wanna fuck you from behind,” he begins, “hard, and I wanna watch your pretty ass bounce as I give you those long, deep strokes that have you clawing at the fucking sheets and screaming my name. I want to fuck you so good you can’t think, can’t fucking breathe, and then I wanna flip you over and throw your legs over my shoulders and bend you in half and fuck my cum so deep into you that you’ll be leaking me for days.”

“Oh, fuck. Oh my God. Yes. Yes. Keep going. I’m so fucking close.”

“I’m not gonna stop, either,” he continues. “You know I’ll get hard again when I’m still inside you and I’ll just keep fucking you and fucking you until you can’t cum anymore, and then I’ll make you cum one more time just because I can.”

“FUCK.”

Dennis watches your thighs tremble as you cum on your toy, your eyes staring straight at the camera—at him—and your mouth open wide with the sweetest sounds coming out of it. That’s all it takes to finish Dennis off, and as he shoots a load onto his stomach he thinks to himself that he’ll never get tired of looking in your eyes when you cum.

“Jesus Christ,” you say, chest heaving as you pull yourself up onto your knees and then flop down on your stomach, grabbing the phone from the nightstand. “You’re, like, really good at this, you know that?”

“I’m discovering new talents with you,” he replies, feeling a little smug, if he’s honest with himself, because he really is kinda good at this, huh?

“Three more days, baby,” you say.

“Three more days,” he replies.

PART TWELVE >>>

[infitsovermisfits]

What's Shakin' Baby? - Eddie Munson x GN!Reader

((i'm crying sm look how pretty he fucking looks AAAAAA))

info: took me days to write which I'm honestly pretty proud of- I had this idea for a while and just thought it was cute lads :) hope u enjoy while I work on the other fics. OMG VOL 2 COMES OUT IN A WEEK WHAT THE FUCK??? That's wild I'm so nervous and excited. this is edited but if I missed any warnings or anything woopsie. I also hope people are ok that I change readers home life around? like in 'Tiny Swords' they've got a family but here they're alone- I'm just trying to be fun with it and change things up for u all please appreciate me please please validate this please please (/lh) HAHAHAHA HAPPY READING!!!

also, i have s o many pictures of eddie on my pinterest its so fucking funny. also, if anyone's going to comic con on the 8/10th of July and seeing Joe i hope u have a lovely time <3 

WARNINGS: gender neutral reader, reader is 20, angst, self-conscious issues, underage (America) drinking, drug use, mentions of violence, allusions to season 3, fighting, working through issues ig, angst with a happy ending, reconciliation, confession of feelings, way too long oh my god, idk what else my mind is blank 

PART 1 | PART 2 | PART3 | MASTERLIST

11,979 words

"Sorry, we're closed!" You called, focusing on drying the blenders from any leftover water droplets that remained from the night before. It was bright and early at 7 am, and the ringing of the door behind you signified without fail that a customer had entered 'Sam's Smoothie Shack' without bothering to spare a glance at the "Sorry! We're closed!" sign hung on the door. The chart next to it clearly stated that on Mondays, you opened at 7:30 am, not 7 on the dot. You'd gotten the job last year during spring break, and worked part-time when you had school. After your exams, you worked full-time over the summer to make some more money before leaving Hawkins for good, to go to Franklin College...

You were back now, finally finished with your first semester there, and it was... Vastly underwhelming. Sure, you were happy- and perhaps too eager- to finally leave Hawkins behind and experience life as the adult you were.  Yeah...  Only no one told you how fucking difficult making new friends in a city you had never been in before was going to be. You'd basically lived alone since you were sixteen, so you knew the basics of taking care of yourself. That was nothing you were new to, you just had an issue talking to people. How were you supposed to start conversations? Introducing yourself was weird, and most of the 'normal' people there were judgemental assholes...

Your roommates were nice to you but rarely invited you out to parties. There were a few other goths and punks who studied there but to your luck, you didn't share any classes together, so you rarely saw them. That meant you were often drinking alone by yourself in your dorm, reminiscing on the not-as-shitty-as-you remembered times in Hawkins...

Your whole life, you felt alone, never really fitting in with the other kids. The friends you did have grew into assholes by High School- being alone was better than being talked about behind your back or never included in plans. It made you resent them until it made you a loner. But if you stayed out of everybody's way then you'd be safe, right?

You couldn't be more fucking wrong. It was as if you had 'make this person's life hell' floating above you at all times. Kids, you didn't even know would call you a freak or shove you in the halls. Some days, surviving those 4 years seemed agonising and pointless to you...

At least one person was determined to prove you wrong.

Eddie "The Freak" Munson was the only person you had some sort of a relationship with in Hawkins. When one day, you'd found your lunch being ripped to shreds in the field by some assholes, you ran all the way to the trees, sobbing into your hands. Out of the forest, he emerged, leaves stuck in his shorter hair and round eyes full of worry. He had been the first person to be kind in High School, and that made you admire him so much. 

He hadn't called you a freak- he called the dog collar you turned into a bracelet cool and not weird, and he even shared one of his sandwiches with you. That day, in the first week of freshman year, you decided he was going to be your only friend. 

Over the years, you watched him grow into himself Eddie: becoming the intense, animated and overconfident 'freak' at your high school that taught you how to grow thicker skin. By junior year, you'd developed your own catalogue of insults you'd hurl at anyone trying to give you a hard time, and laughed maniacally at the 'devil worshipping' rumours they'd spread about the two of you. 

If only they knew what you were actually like alone. Eddie was much more laid back, no thanks to the weed he began dealing to anyone who'd be interested greatly helped in relaxing you both. It also jumbled your words and made Hawkins just that more bearable. Through the long summers, you found yourself spending more and more time with him, until you were hanging out every day. If you weren't at work, you were most likely with Eddie- in his van, in his trailer, in your trailer, in the park at Forest Hills, in the woods, wherever. Legal, or illegal it didn't matter because you were there together. 

You largely credited him as being the only reason you managed to survive high school and Hawkins in their own ways- existing with him wasn't as shitty as existing alone. He somehow made things more enjoyable. And you'd be lying if you didn't think about kissing him once, maybe twice. You really would give anything just to feel those soft lips against your own... Once...

You lost your chance when you'd received your Franklin acceptance letter and he broke the news to you that they'd called his Uncle Wayne to inform him Eddie had failed his exams and would need to stay behind another year. And you had to bury that anger deep within you and comfort him through chainsmoking and drinking through the rest of your summer together, considering you'd be gone for most of the year.

For the first time in your life, you were separated. And going to college without Eddie by your side was weird in itself. Sure you'd likely be taking separate classes- maybe he wouldn't even be studying at all? Maybe he'd work, or play with a new band he'd find up there... He'd find some way to fit into your life together... But he didn't. Because he wasn't there. He stayed behind while you moved on.

And yet you came back. You knew you could have stayed in Franklin for the summer but where was the fun in that? The one friend you had made that had a very believable fake ID was gone for the summer so you couldn't drink your way through the sweltering heat. You were sort of forced to hop on the next bus to Hawkins, heaving your luggage after you and staring out the window as Metalica drowned out any worries you may have of stepping back home... Home... Didn't fucking feel like it,

"That's a shame," You recognised that voice. You'd had it making small comments that made you smile to yourself in class, and lulling you to sleep with his songs, " 'I was made for loving you, baby...' " He was behind you now. He tapped the bell three times to the beat of the song as you turned up your Kiss song on the radio by your side. You turned sharply with a large grin,

" 'You were made for loving me...' " You finished excited in unison with him, barely on key from how wide you were grinning at the sight of him: long, raven-black mane of hair cascading down his shoulders and covering some of the pins higher up on his jean vest, sitting just on top of the warm leather jacket who's scent and touch you had long committed to memory.  You could faintly see the red devil beneath the layers, and you could only make out the 'i' with the flaming dot from the 'Hellfire Club' printed over his chest. He was live and in the flesh before you. Finally, together again, "Hey!" You greeted happily, unable to control the laughter that bubbled up from your chest as you moved forwards to the counter. Quickly, you hopped up on it and slid over the smooth top, ignoring the 'Hey, I just cleaned that!' from your younger co-worker as you fell into his arms, hugging him tightly. His familiar scent of cigarette smoke and weed quickly filled your lungs, warmly welcoming you back. Strangely, you could also faintly smell cologne on him; you'd tease him about that later. For now, you were just happy you were reunited, "God, did I miss you, Munson," You grinned, pulling away in his arms to look up at him,  "Did your hair get longer when I was gone?" You teased  playfully, twirling a strand around your finger,

"You missed me!?" He asked in a mocking shocked tone, causing you to laugh, "And yeah, it did. Hair grows like that," You grinned, 

"I had no clue, Eddie," You said playfully, smirking, "But you didn't even cut it or anything-"

"Who's that?" Your co-worker asked from behind you. He'd turned the music down, which caused you to turn and frown at his confused face, "Is he here for the interview?"

"No man, he's just my very... Good friend," You let go of Eddie from where you were holding him and pat his shoulder with a tight smile, glancing up at him and walking back around behind the counter, tightening the bow at the back of your apron, "It's Eddie? Munson?" You told your coworker, motioning to the man inside the store, "I told you about him, Micheal," You sighed,

"Yeah, well, Sam said if it's not part of the official training, I don't have to listen to you," You rolled your eyes as his voice droned on and he turned back to cutting up a few more fruits for the healthier smoothies,

"See what I gotta deal with on a daily basis, Eds?" You smiled as you leaned against the counter, glancing down at it briefly and grabbing a spray and a wipe, cleaning it, 

"Mh- just as awful as last time," He gave you a wink once you were done, and leaned an elbow on the counter so he could talk to you as usual. Things felt normal again- as normal as Eddie could provide you,

"Hey, I like this job," You defended, 

"You tolerate this job, barely," He smirked. He knew you too damn well, and you gave him a knowing smile, 

"Yeah. I do," You sighed, "But it pays me money to work here. And Sam's nice enough to let me wear my apron again a-"

"Hey, where is the old man, by the way?" Eddie asked, and you glanced around cautiously, before looking up at the newly installed security camera that had gotten busted when some middle schoolers thought it would be funny to construct the most repulsive smoothie known to man at you. Without pay. You didn't have the heart to let Sam know so you just prayed Micheal would fuck it up somehow, "Did he uh...?" Eddie made a cutthroat gesture when you turned back to look at him, and you smirked, shoving his hand away,

"Sam is right as rain, thank you very much for your concern," You smiled at the disappointed groan he gave, and reached over grabbing a toothpick and sticking it between his teeth, chewing on it to relieve a nicotine craving he likely had, "He's in the back doing inventory and helping the boys unload- we get fresh fruit here every day, after all," You tapped the sign that you had drawn, that now rested before the register. Eddie hummed, looking over your work with a small nod, "He still very much doesn't appreciate you loitering around," You teased, smiling at him, "But you're A-Okay in my books, Munson," You grinned at him, resting your elbows on the counter and setting your chin on your hands, "So how've you-"

"Why is he still inside then?" Your co-worker asked, unamused, and unsharing your excitement. You cast him a glare for even piping up, "Wait, is this the guy we're not supposed to let-"

"Because I can be," Eddie piped up from beside you, "And if you tell that old ass I was here, I'll punch you," Eddie threatened. Eddie had only ever been punched. You'd never personally seen him fight back; usually he'd just pick himself off the floor and go scowling to you with a bloody nose you'd clean for him, or a black eye you'd lend your ice to. You smirked, raising your brows at him,

"You actually can't be in here though," The younger kid said, moving to stand closer to you, "The sign says we're still closed. We open in fifteen minutes," When you came back two days ago, you couldn't sleep. You arrived at Forest Hills Trailer Park at the asscrack of dawn and spent the better part of that morning digging through your stuff to find your fake ID you'd wrongfully misplaced before leaving for college. Soon though, you wouldn't need it. Your twenty-first was only a few months away. God, you were old...

 The first thing you did was buy yourself beer because Jesus Christ was the summer looking warm as shit. You then went to Sam's to reclaim your apron, only to find your spot taken by Micheal. You didn't know or recognise him- he was either a junior or senior but you weren't paying attention to what he was saying because his voice pissed you off. All mumbly and gross it made you want to rip off your ears. Sam had been convinced he was the best for the job so you didn't question him, and felt relieved to be hired again. 

Micheal, like you, couldn't give a shit about this job, or you. Something you were thankful for. You mostly treated him like an annoying little brother, and rarely spoke to him because you really had nothing in common. He seemed so boring to you, so it greatly surprised you that he was the reason you were getting so many, customers. It was amusing, even now, seeing the line of newly 'Smoothie Cleanse' obsessed moms of Hawkins flocking outside and sending Eddie dirty looks for cutting inside. Micheal would get flirted with constantly, only to obliviously blink and just make the smoothie, while you only received death glare looks. It didn't really matter, considering you two shared the generous tips he'd receive at the end of your shifts,

"Shut up, Micheal," You said, waving him off, "Hey- I just remembered I never taught you how to clean the blenders because it's 'unsafe' so you've gotta go in the back to ask Sam," You said, pointing out the blender. He picked it up, frowning,

"But-" You didn't want to argue, 

"You want our customers complaining about our dirty blenders, Micheal?" You asked, and watched his eyes widen fearfully, "You want this place to shut down and ruin poor Sam's life? No. You don't. Get your ass in the back, find Sam, asking how to take the blender apart," You said threateningly, watching as he disappeared through the 'employee's only' door. You sighed, turning back to Eddie and grabbing a smoothie you'd made earlier for yourself in place of coffee, "How've you been, Eds?" You asked, smiling at him as you took a sip from your straw,

"Oh, you know, here and there," He said, "Everywhere really. You drink this crap?" He gestured to the drink you were holding, "Thought you'd be sick of it," He hummed,

"I was," You shrugged, taking a sip, "But this raspberry blast is so good," You hummed, handing it over to him so he could take a sip of the pink liquid, "I made it myself. Created the recipe and everything- it's part of the hiring process I told you about? Apparently, it's super popular now. I think Sam's even gonna call it the Smoothie of the Summer which means-" You tapped the counter eagerly, "-I get a promotion!" You grinned,

"Nice!" He smiled, holding his hand out for you to high five, before taking another sip, "I finished this by the way- sorry," He said, shaking the empty cup, "It's really good,"

"I told you!" You grinned, watching him toss the cup and miss the trash bin entirely, "You pick that up right now, we're not even open and you're making a mess," You pointed to the cup with a grin, 

"Mmmh- can't I'm still tasting the smoothie," He said, closing his eyes as you grinned, 

"Christ, Eds," You hummed, shaking your head as you glanced through the fresh ingredients in the cooling trays next to you, 

"What's in there? I can taste the raspberries but it's sweet and not weird like raspberries usually are," He said with a frown,

"You mean tart. They're tart," You explained, and watched as he blinked at you,

"Like a pie tart?" You laughed loudly, shaking your head, "You put a pie in there?"

"No!" You laughed, "No, you dumbass- tart is like a flavour it's not entirely sour but it's not sweet it's like... Between those uh-" You glanced behind you at the overhead menus, "It's got raspberries, obviously, but they're the frozen ones cause we have to get rid of them before Sam orders anymore," You said, glancing at the ingredients set out and pointing to them, "It's also got banana and yoghurt to give it the thick texture, apple juice to help it blend and make it sweet and then also honey. For the sweetness," You smiled, "You do have to tweak and really experiment with the ratios because one thing goes off and it's just gross and too sour or gross and too sweet," You stuck your tongue out, 

"I see, I see," He said, resuming his spot where he was leaning against the counter. He had pulled the toothpick from his mouth and was dulling the sharp ends by repeatedly drumming the stick into the counter, "It's nice. Refreshing, babe," He teased, and you rolled your eyes, "Oh and by the way- fuck you for not telling me you were back sooner," He said in mock hurt, putting a hand on his chest. Your eyes widened at his comment,

"Fuck- Shit- Sorry," You hissed, "I know I should have, I'm really sorry," You quickly apologised, "I didn't expect coming back home after so long was gonna be so chaotic but..." You sighed deeply, then shrugged your shoulders "It is," You frowned, "I had to go pay off some bills to Dave 'cause apparently I only paid for six months and not ten," You rambled,

"Oh shit," He said with a frown, looking concerned,

"Yeah, shit," You grumbled, "I was so excited to go buy new clothes for myself tomorrow at Starcourt and bam!- half my savings are gone," You frowned, "Gotta compromise if I want to eat and survive or look nice," You sighed,

"He knows you live alone, right?" He checked; you nodded, "And that you're a student going to college in another city, how many miles from home?"

"Yeah, of course he knows," You said, glancing over at the fruits you had paused in cutting up to dry the blenders. You glanced over to where you kept the single-use plastic gloves and put on a pair, before resuming your task, "He doesn't give a shit about students, though. He's never heard of a student discount," You grumbled,

"He knows you're only twenty, right?" You nodded, "You've been living there for eight years with your parents- three of those alone. He must have... Realised?" He said quietly, and you paused with the knife half sunk in the strawberry. 

To be honest, you didn't want to bother Dave with the news your father, your only caretaker, had passed when he did, so all the bills you'd paid for those three years were marked out in his name. You'd secretly hoped someone else would tell him to avoid having that conversation. You never really got used to admitting to what happened with your father; his sickness... His death. Eddie and his uncle Wayne were the only ones you had that day, and you spent the week over there, not ready to enter your home and realise you were alone,

"...Yeah," You said quietly, resuming your task,

"Then why don't you ask him to lower the rent?" He asked, leaning against the glass display and watching the movements of your hands intently, "Considering you're not even using it as a home while you're away in college,"

"Ugh, that was his point too," You frowned, 

"But you're not using his stuff? Why is he charging you if you're not there?" He frowned,

"He said something like..." You paused to think, remembering back to the conversation you had "Something like 'doesn't matter to me that you can't pay- you're hogging up the space, kiddo'," You mimicked the older man's voice and sighed, "He's annoying and stubborn and he hates kids," You settled,

"Damn..." Eddie sighed, "You should have told me. I could have covered for you," He said, and you smiled softly at his offer,

"Thanks, Eds that's very kind of you," You said sincerely, and noticed the small smile he flashed you made your heart flutter, "But four months' worth of rent is a lot. And I don't think you could magically pull that much out of thin air" You said, eyes widening slightly. You shook your head "Just gotta spend my summer vacationing away from school work with... Normal work," You grimaced,

"Damn," He frowned, 

"Anyhow-" You tried steering the conversation away from your boring life to him. He was bound to have something exciting to tell you, "Anything new with you?" You asked, 

"A few freshmen joined Hellfire," He said, as you 'ooo'-ed for him, "Yes, yes. My illustrious charm and endless charisma convinced them to join," You smiled, at his comments as he waved his arm for dramatic purposes, 

"You kick their asses yet, babe?" You smiled, glancing up at him from your task,

"Of course, babe, who do you think I am?" You could still remember the first night you started using the pet names for each other. One night, you were getting high in his room, giggling away at something, when he had mentioned his 'sweetheart'. He perhaps sensed your mood shift to serious all too quickly, because your giggles had faded and you were staring at him with a curious look. He lifted his hand above his head to affectionately strum the chords on his then, brand new guitar, which got you to laugh again. You'd started calling each other babe that night and it stuck. It was a friend thing, you were convinced. As playfully as asshole, shithead and dickhead were. But sometimes, you liked pretending there was affection behind the word, and not your usual playfulness,

"Good," You hummed softly. You still had a full bowl of freshly cleaned strawberries to get through, before opening time. When he didn't speak again, seemingly focused on your hands working away at slicing up the fruit, you spoke up, "You know how much I fucking love making shakes for the health moms out there?" You said sarcastically, nodding your head to the line of mostly older women queuing impatiently outside,

"Mhm," He hummed, scanning the line, "Yeah, I'm so jealous of em," He joked, making you breathe out a small laugh, "What did you want to get from Starcourt anyway?" He asked curiously,

"Huh?" You asked, not entirely hearing him,

"I asked what you wanted from Starcourt. The mall?" He elaborated,

"I don't know- anything that caught my eye?" You said with a smile, before sighing, "You know I couldn't afford much last year, considering I was putting the money off for rent and school... It was mostly window shopping then, so I'm excited to go now to actually buy stuff! I have my route planned out already- Sam's even letting taking the day off tomorrow so I can maximise on the buying and he hates the mall! I'm so excited, Eds- Wanna hear?" You said quickly, letting your excitement take over before he could utter a word, "Okay so bottom floor, West wing entrance, straight into JCPennies because there was such a cute necklace there that I think if I layered with-"

"I... Hate to disappoint you but uh..." Eddie said quickly, holding a hand up for you, "The mall burned down," You blinked, setting the knife down as you stared at him, 

"It did what?"

"Faulty wiring, I think? If I remember it from the news right... I don't know, my uncle read the paper but he might have burned it..." He said, humming to himself and tilting his head, eyes flicking over the ceiling to try to gather his thoughts, "The ceiling was unsafe and collapsed onto gas pipes and then boom! A fire," He said. Your shoulders dropped in disappointment as you frowned, looking at the pink-stained cutting board and knife. God, it sure had been a while since you were back home... Seems like the most exciting things happened while you were away, "But hey- the stores on the main street were forced to open back up, so that's... Good! You could always go there to shop," He said quickly, seeing your mood shift,

"Nah, that's not the same as walking through a mall," You sighed, "That's... Wow that's so shitty," You huffed, frowning, "So now I just have a day to... Do nothing?" You frowned, shaking your head as you went back to your task,

"You've always got me," Eddie said. You looked up at him, scanning him up and down, "Wherever you wanna go, I'll take you," He smiled, and you narrowed your eyes,

"How are you not burning up in that?" You pointed to his two jackets and long sleeve Hellfire shirt,

"You guys have good air con," He winked, and you raised your brows with a nod,

"We do have good air con," You smiled, "But outside?"

"Well, it's only warm. Not unbearably hot yet," He said, and you nodded, before sighing and dumping the pile of strawberries into their correct, chilled bin,

"If Sam sees you in here-"

"He'll be overjoyed!" Eddie grinned as he finished, "Now come on- hang out with me all day tomorrow. School's out for the summer, you have nothing to do; I have nothing to do. I'll make it worthwhile! Promice. I'll take you around Hawkins and show you everything that's different," He begged, and you sighed as you moved to set the dirty dishes in the nearby sink, 

"That's not gonna take us all day though," You said, and watched him pout, "It might take all evening though," You smiled," I get off at one today," You told him, and watched his face as he smiled in recognition, 

"Of course you get off at one today," He grinned, "Nice- I'll pick you up for lunch and we'll go driving around like old times," He said eagerly,

"Hell, why not?" You grinned as he hissed a little 'yes' to himself, "I-"

"You could always just come in tomorrow," Your co-worker piped in, seemingly appearing out of nowhere and scaring you. You twisted around to see him holding the now spotless blender, and cast him a glare, "And tell Sam your plans got cancelled,"

"Or you could keep your mouth shut and wash those blenders a little better," You snapped back, holding a hand up to Eddie and sliding off the sticky gloves you were wearing, discarding them in a nearby bin "What the fuck is that?" You said, grabbing one of the blenders and holding it out to him to see the blades.

"...I don't know," He said quietly,

"That-" You pointed inside, "-is peanut butter stuck to the blades," You said, "You better clean this right now-"

"But it's been through the dishwasher," He whined, "Can't we say it's... Clean?" You glared at him,

"Fine, Micheal. Don't clean it," You said, setting the blender and throwing up your hands, "But when you use this blender to make a smoothie for a customer who's got a severe peanut allergy and they fall to the ground unable to breathe and die-" You said angrily, "-You are gonna be singlehandedly paying out lawsuits," You threatened, shoving the blender into his chest and sighing as he moved into the back, "Unbelievable," You shook your head as you approached Eddie, leaning your arms on the counter. He seemed stunned, staring at you with an unreadable look on his face, "What? What is it?" You asked, standing up straighter,

"Y-" He cleared his throat, "You're very uhm... Serious about your job," He said, giving you a small smile. You tilted your head as you looked at him, furrowing your brows, 

"Yeah...? I am. I gotta make money and I can't do that if this establishment is paying off hospital bills..." You rambled, noticing the slight pink tinge to his cheeks and smiling softly, "Eds, are you blushing...?" You asked surprised, and stifled a small laugh as his eyes widened,

"No- You know what, babe? I'm actually- I'm late for a Hellfire club meeting!" He said, glancing from the watch on his wrist up to the clock above you reading 7:30 am. It was a warm July day- school was out for the summer- he did not have a Hellfire meeting.

It was always funny seeing him like this, enamoured by something you did. One night, after you were walking home together and drunkenly singing Rocky Horror's 'There's A Light', some asshole thought it'd be funny to follow the two of you yelling insults. The alcohol had added to your enraged state, causing you to stalk up to the creep to punch him in the face. Eddie had quickly grabbed your arm and ran into the forests, but the way he had looked at you in the night made you feel warm,

 "I uh- gotta go. See you later!" Did he call you babe there? You blinked to yourself, before smirking as you watched his hair bounce as he approached the door,

"Flip the sign!" You yelled quickly, "Thanks Eds!" You grinned to yourself as he left. God, it was good seeing him again- you wanted to tell him how much you missed him but alas, your coworker had to get in the way, along with the timer on the front counter blaring loud, and the bell at the door jingling with his sudden exit. With a small sigh, you glanced at the disappointed woman as she entered, "Good morning!" You said in your best, cheery, customer service voice,  "Welcome to Sam's, how may I help you today?" And so your shift began, then seemed to drag on for excruciating hours...

Eddie had remembered to pick you up at one, even arriving a whole twenty minutes early. You could see him leaning against his van outside, nodding along to 'For Whom The Bell Tolls'  blaring obnoxiously loud from inside. His head was downcast, but he'd occasionally look around, or glance inside the shop, a cigarette perched between his two fingers that he periodically brought up to his plump lips, smoke tumbling into the air. Someone had come in a little while ago to complain about the loud music and the man outside, but you simply had to smile and say that technically, because it was a public path he was parked on, you couldn't do anything about him. You kept glancing up, and if you made eye contact, he'd smile or stick his tongue out, making faces to try and distract you as you finished up cleaning for the day. You know he'd come in, but he'd 'overstayed' his welcome, according to Sam.

Sam was an old, old-fashioned type of guy. You didn't mind him- part of you looked up to him.  He did have his own business that was as successful as anything could be in fucking Hawkins... At least he loved his home- he told you the countless stories of the establishment being an ice cream shop he ran with his wife up until Starcourt opened up. 'Scoops Ahoy' took all his profits so he had to pivot to the next best thing: smoothies. You had no clue why he didn't just make milkshakes, considering they were only a temperature difference from ice cream, but he'd simply smiled and told you 'Sam's Milkshake Bar' didn't have the same ring to it as 'Sam's Smoothie Shack'. 

Sam had always been wary of Eddie, not trusting him as he did you. You tried explaining that if he just got to know him, he'd see he was harmless. Though Sam was still cautious, never failing to mutter about 'kids these days' and their 'loud rock music' poisoning their minds. You smiled as you passed by the older man, letting him know you were off for the day and wishing him a good afternoon as you ducked into the back to hang up your apron and grab your jacket and bag,

"Got it stuck in your head, hmm?" You hummed as you exited the store, faintly hearing the jingling of the bell behind you as you left the small shop and approached him. The song had changed to your Kiss song as you approached, almost on queue. You grinned as he glanced up and saw you, appearing to light up instantly. He pushed himself up, the second cigarette he had sparked up falling to the ground and disappeared beneath his shoe,

"Your chariot awaits, my dear!!" He said loudly, moving his arms to gesture to the van you had long missed since you left Hawkins a year ago, "Go on, get in. I've got you for the rest of the day, right?" He said, pushing his hands in his pockets and coming to stand in front of you so you could hear what he was saying over the music. You opened your mouth slightly, glancing from the van back to him and tilting your head,

"For the rest of the day?" You asked amused, and raised your brows as he nodded,

"Come on- didn't you say you missed me?" You knew him. You'd been friends for so long that you could feel the twinge of hurt behind those amused words. Before you could see his face, he moved to the van and opened the passenger side door for you, letting the music grow louder and drown out your worried thoughts, "Get in!!" He yelled over the music, and being left without much choice, you just grinned, walking over to him, 

"You give me no choice, Munson," You told him, before clambering inside and throwing your bag at your feet.

He shut the door once you were inside, you let yourself glance around the van you'd spent most of the summer in. It faintly smelled like weed- you hoped he wasn't high at the moment. Eddie was a reckless driver as it was and being high surprisingly didn't make him more careful. It was still messy, but you could tell he made an effort in cleaning it for you. You turned the music down slightly so you could hear yourself think and pulled the overhead mirror down, glancing over your face to make sure your make-up was still intact after the long day. Glancing to the side, you noticed a polaroid of the two of you that was tucked into the side. It was a little older- from the darker background, you could see it was taken in Eddie's room. Both your faces were grinning back at you. You could barely remember taking it because of how greened out you were, but you couldn't deny the picture was a nice one. You could see the date the picture was taken was scrawled on the bottom, along with a small heart drawn in the corner there. You smiled softly, reaching a hand up to skim your finger over the sharpie. You jumped slightly at the sound of the door opening, 

"Snooping?" He asked, shutting the door and putting his seatbelt on, gaze flicking to the polaroid,

"Just reacquainting myself," You said, shutting the mirror and leaning back to put your own seatbelt on, "I'm so glad I'm not walking home, my feet are killing me," You sighed, getting comfortable in your seat, 

"Mmmh," He hummed, smiling as he started the car, "You should have asked me to take you," He said, glancing over at you, 

"And wake you up at four in the morning?" You raised your brows, "I'd just piss off Wayne. We both know you're a heavy sleeper, Eds," You smiled, grabbing the overhead handle as he pulled out of the spot and began driving off. He laughed softly, 

"Should have gone and thrown rocks at my window," He said, sparing you a glance. You noticed him eyeing your hand, 

"Wouldn't have worked-"

"Then you should have thrown rocks through my window," He said,

"Have you forgotten the possum incident?" You laughed as he shuddered, "Yeah,"

"Those things have to be my least favourite forest creatures," He huffed,

"You have a favourite?" You asked amused, 

"I'm not telling you," He huffed, "You can't even trust me to drive you around, "He said, glancing at your arm again,

"I would trust you if you weren't so reckless. You know, I wasn't gonna mention it but how many curbs have we hit already?" You smirked, 

"Like... Two?" You gave him a look, "...Four," You laughed softly, at his response, shaking your head and humming softly to the 'Creeping Death' playing through the speakers, 

"So is it a wolf?" You asked after a moment, and laughed at the glare he sent you, 

"I'm not answering that," He grumbled, but you laughed it off, "Hey, open the glove box for me," He hummed, and you did as he asked. There was a cassette inside which you pulled out and glanced over. In sharpie, he had written-

"'Darkest Nightmare'?" You asked amused, grinning, "You made another mixtape?"

"Uhuh- put it in, I'm kinda sick of Metallica," He sighed, and you did as he asked, grinning as he turned up the radio. As usual, his driving got worse, focusing more on the music you were yelling and screaming along to at the moment, praying the seatbelt would at least protect you from a crash. 

Somehow, you'd survived his tour of Hawkins: unsurprisingly, not too much had changed. You drove by the remnants of Starcourt and were saddened to hear of the passing of Cheif Jim Hopper. As much as the old cop loved to give you and Eddie shit for trespassing, he'd only yell at you as you sped off in the van or ran into the forest, laughing together. You were glad, because you really couldn't deal with a criminal record.

The stores along the main street were opening up again, and you eagerly started making plans for which ones you'd want to go to tomorrow. There were a few new ones that had opened up that you were eager to go into. In the meantime, Eddie filled you in on Hellfire and his campaigns, stopping at a diner and eating dinner in the van. It all felt right, and normal again, and you kept smiling fondly as he excited rambled on. Occasionally, you'd remind him of his now cold burger and fries, but he didn't seem to be listening much to you. You didn't mind- you preferred listening anyways.

Once you were done, he drove you back home in comfortable silence, enjoying the mixtape that now played a song by Megadeath you didn't recognise. The sun was setting, causing the sky to bloom in pretty colours that captured your attention. When the trees started getting thicker as you approached Forest Hills, you sighed, grabbing your stuff from the floor. You'd called the trailer park 'home' for the longer part of your life. It hadn't changed either, but you enjoyed his quiet comments on who lived where and what had changed with them. Nothing too interesting but it was nice to be informed,

"...And finally my humble abode," He said, parking the van and undoing his seatbelt,

"Damn... I really did not miss the Hills," You smiled fondly as you looked over his home, before glancing across to your own home. You hadn't realised he had gotten out until your door opened. He smiled at you, 

"Gimmie those," He said, and you gently placed the bag in his hand. He quickly extended his other hand to you, and you rolled your eyes as you took it to get out of the van,

"Thank you, oh fair, kind Sir," You said playfully, shutting the door as you got out. He grinned as he slung your bag over his shoulder, 

"Anything for you, fair one," He said as he moved behind you to lock the car. You rolled your eyes, folding the jacket over your arm as you glanced around the area, taking it in again. The playground that separated your homes looked the same, nothing having changed in the almost year you were away. Perhaps there were more cigarette butts and trash around the area but that was common here. You felt his presence near you; the familiar and pleasant scent of smoke and a forest earthiness growing stronger, "It uh... Hasn't felt the same without you here," He said surprisingly softly, and you glanced up at him, 

"Yeah," You hummed, but realised that didn't make sense, "Uh- I mean it's... Been strange. I've never been away from Hawkins for this long it's... Weird to be back," You said, sighing,

"Yeah, I get it," Eddie said, sighing, "Oh, by the way, someone finally moved into the haunted trailer next to yours," He pointed out, "You've finally got a new neighbour," You looked at the house, smiling fondly as you saw a person hanging up their laundry,

"Huh. I'm surprised Dave finally managed to rent that place out to someone," You said, digging through your pockets to produce your keys, "Oh- right," You mumbled, fiddling with the keychains, "Here!" You smiled at him as you turned to place the charm into his hands, "I had to put it on my keys so I wouldn't forget- you have no idea how stressed I was thinking I lost it back in my dorm," You breathed, smiling, 

"Holy shit," He murmured, fingers skimming over the small metal wolf head you'd gotten him, "This is cool," He grinned, "I'll put it with the others," He teased, 

"Thought you liked my keyrings," You said, twirling your keys as you began heading home, eyes flicking to your neighbour curiously, 

"I do!" He said quickly, "Thanks, a lot. I think it's really cool-" 

"Who is that?" You mumbled to him, eyeing the girl hanging up her laundry on your shared line, "Should we go say hi?" You glanced up at him with a small smile,

"Why'd anyone want to say hi to us?" Eddie asked with a chuckle, but you just rolled your eyes and approached her. Her gaze flicked to you both as you approached, and she removed her headphones from her head,

"Hello!" You said as pleasantly as you could. It was the same tone you'd use with customers to appear more friendly. You pleasantly introduced yourself, and stuck your hand out for her to shake, "I live right next door- I haven't uh... Been here though, because I've been in Franklin for college," You said as she placed her hand in yours and shook it, eyes flicking from Eddie to you with an uncertain look, "We share a line," You also added, 

"Uhuh. Yeah I know," The red-head said shortly. You grimaced, glancing at Eddie, before looking down at her. She had headphones around her neck, and you could faintly hear a song playing, "Are you guys just gonna stand there now?" She asked, and you blinked for a moment

"Are you a big fan of Kate Bush?" You asked, recognising the song,

"I guess," She said in a dejected way, shrugging as she went back to doing her chore. You glanced at her trailer before looking back at her,

"She's good, right?" You smiled, still trying to make pleasant conversation and not freak her out, "I love 'Running Up That Hill,'" She nodded once, and turned her back on you, and continued working. With a small sigh, you glanced over at Eddie, who shrugged his shoulders, "What's your name?" You asked,

"I'm Max," She said shortly, casting you a glare. With a sigh, you nodded, trying to uphold your cheery disposition,

"Cool- nice to meet you, Max," You smiled, "If you need anything, I'm nex-"

"I heard," She said coldly, casting you another look that was defiantly a glare, "Do you like bothering people when they're doing something?" She asked, 

"No, not really," You said quickly, "I'm just trying to be nice and introduce myself to my new neighbour," You frowned, "I just haven't had one in-"

"Great- be nice somewhere else, freak," She muttered, throwing a sheet over the clothing line and grabbing the now empty basket, storming back into her home,

"Damn," You frowned, "It was nice meeting you, Max!" You yelled after her, before turning back to walk to Eddie. He had walked away a little while ago and was waiting for you by your door. You stood by him with a sigh, looking down at your keys, "Wonder what's up with her?" You mumbled, "Think she got grounded or something?" You asked, glancing back at him, "Do people still ground their kids...?" You said playfully with a slight smile, though it fell quickly,

"No, don't think so," He said, walking after you into your home and removing the keys from your door, "More like her uh... Brother? No- her step-brother died in that fire at Starcourt," You nodded solemnly, glancing around your small home with a frown,

"So she's taking it out on everyone else?" You hummed, 

"Guess so," He said softly, and you heard the slight thud of your bag as he set it down on your couch,

"Guess she's tired of hearing condolences," You mumbled, eyes flicking to a photograph of your late father on the wall with a small frown. You heard the door close and the clicking of the locks as Eddie closed it for you. You muttered a small 'thank you' as you stretched your arms above your head tiredly, "Did you know him?" You asked, "This step-brother?"

"Did I know Billy Hargreeves?" He said, turning to look at you. You winced at the mention of the name, "Yeah. We did," He said solemnly. Hargreeves was new but quickly established himself as one of the worst assholes you'd ever met. You did what you could to stay out of his way because of how... Violent he usually got...

"God..." You sighed, "Well..." You mumbled, throwing your jacket over the couch and falling back on it. You still hadn't unpacked since you came back- your suitcase stood where you'd left it by the door, along with a duffle bag that was flung to the ground. You just didn't have the motivation to wash all your clothes or get unpacked... And besides, the clothing line was full, thanks to Max.  You could hear Eddie moving around behind you, rummaging through your kitchen to find something to eat, "You know I haven't been called a freak since I left Hawkins?" You said, moving a hand up to your forehead to rub at it, trying to soothe the tension and pain growing there,

"Seriously?" He asked, amusement clear in his tone, "Thought... You know, college? People there would be more..." He trailed off,

"Surprisingly, there are a lot more 'freaks' and 'goths' in the big city," You smiled, leaning your head back all the way to watch him. Eddie had shed himself of his usual jackets, hanging them up on the back of one of the two chairs so he was left in just his Hellfire shirt. He'd rolled his sleeves up so you could see the peaks of the bat swarm frozen in ink on his arm. You watched as he rummaged in your drawer, pulling out a bottle opener and hearing the clicks of two bottles opening. You sighed softly, smiling as he walked over to you, "Have I mentioned you're the best?" You grinned as you sat back up, shifting to give him some space so he could sit with you,

"Mh- you deserve something after a hard day's work," He winked playfully, clinking the bottle with you as you eagerly took a swig of the beer, humming happily as you drank the cold liquid, 

"Yeah, uhuh," You hummed between sips,

"I'd also make you something to eat but-"

"But you're banned from my kitchen," You grinned, "After you set fucking popcorn on fire-"

"It's not my fault your microwave is stupid!!" He grinned, 

"It's a normal microwave Eds! You set it to thirty minutes and not three," You both laughed, "How the fuck do you burn popcorn?" You ask between giggles,

"I guess it's a special talent of mine," He hummed, taking a sip as you continued laughing, "Anyways, you really should eat something. Knowing you and how long you take getting ready, then with the walk... I doubt you've eaten much today," He said softly, 

"When'd you become the food police, Eds?" You smiled, 

"Considering you're drinking and only ate dinner today, I don't want you to get too drunk too fast," You almost spit out your beer, 

"Eds- I'm not gonna get drunk off one beer," You smiled at him,

"Still. Better to eat and drink," He winked at you, clicking his fingers. You sighed, drinking more of your beer, "You've got nothing but drinks, babe," He added, and you glanced over at him as he took a sip, "And when did you get back?"

"Yesterday? I haven't had the time to go shopping-"

"Nope- you got here two days ago," He said, and you turned your head from where you'd been staring at the decorations you had put up to stare at him,

"How did you...?" You asked softly, and watched as he frowned softly, taking a swig before setting the bottle on the ground near your feet, "How did you know?" You asked with a frown, 

"I saw you uh... Coming home," He admitted, "Two days ago..." He said, not looking at you and instead focusing on how much beer was left in his bottle,

"I got here at, like, 3 am Eddie?" You said, blinking,

"Yeah. You did," He nodded, watching you. You were silent for a moment,

"Why were you awake at 3 am?" You asked. He briefly met your eyes, before looking away and taking a nervous, shaky breath,

"I..." His eyes darted around,

"Why didn't you-"

"Dude, who goes to someone's house at 3 am?" He said, quickly standing and walking away from you. You jumped slightly at how fast he moved, before turning your whole body so you could watch him, confused at his sudden mood change, "I didn't want to bother you since you clearly didn't..." He trailed off, back turned to you. Your eyes widened slightly,

"Eddie, what?" You stood, careful of the beer you'd nudged with your foot and following after him, "I didn't do what?" You asked, standing near the couch to give him space. He moved into your kitchen and stood by your table, leaning against it at first,

"You just-" He sighed,  sitting on top of the table, eyes focusing on the floor and watching his shoes shuffling around on the floor for a moment, before speaking "You were gone for- what? Almost a year," He said your name quietly, and you frowned from where you watched him on the couch, "I mean, what was I supposed to think?"

"I wrote letters to you," You said, "I sent you packages and letters as much as I could- we never stopped talking," You said,

"But you didn't visit," He said with a frown, glancing up at you. He couldn't hold the eye contact, and found himself looking away quickly, again. He folded his arms across his chest, "What was I supposed to think? My best friend just... Didn't want to hang out with me anymore?" He shrugged. From the dim, setting sunlight shining inside, you could see his eyes twinkling with tears, and you could feel your heart constrict for him in your chest,

"I wrote to you explaining why I couldn't go," You said defensively, walking closer to him, "Fuck, Eds, I don't have the damn money to be driving back and forth between Franklin and Hawkins!" You said louder than intended, "It wasn't about not wanting to hang out with you, it was about saving money-"

"Okay- I get that," He said sharply, "But my point is... What else do you have here?" He glanced at you, "You and I both hate this place, we made plans all the time to get out of Hawkins- you got out and I stayed behind, I-"

"Eddie, I couldn't stay here another fucking year waiting for you to graduate," You tried, coming to stand in front of him, "You... We both know how awful living here is. This small town will only see us as... Freaks and... Damned devil worshipers when we're not-"

"Right- of course!" He said sarcastically, throwing his hands up and laughing coldly, "I'm sorry, I just thought that if you got the privilege to leave Hawkins, it'd at least... Be with me," He said, looking into your eyes. His wide, brown eyes bore into yours and were tinted slightly pink. A few tears slipped down his reddened cheeks and you could faintly see the tremble in his lips. He'd folded his arms again and was digging his fingernails into his forearms, knuckles going white and small crescents appearing in his skin. You blinked, opening your mouth to say something, but closed it,

"Eddie..." You said softly, watching him move his head to look away from you. Seeing another tear rolling down his cheek, you reached a hand up to try and wipe it off of his face without thinking. He quickly flinched, slapping your hand away with his and shaking his head, leaving you shocked,

"Fuck," He hissed, and stood abruptly, making you back away. He reached to the side, grabbing his jean jacket from the chair, "Forget about it," You heard him mutter his name,

"Eddie!" You yelled after him as he moved quickly to your door, fumbling with your keys to unlock it, "Eddie what is going on- talk to me please," You begged, 

"I said forget about it, okay?" He turned sharply. You stared at him, never seeing him so hurt with you before. You really didn't know what to do, and instead stared at him as you both stared at one another, 

"But- Eddie!" You yelled out of your door as he quickly turned away and began walking away, "Stop running from me- Eddie!" You called again, wincing at how your voice echoed through the park. But he didn't turn. He just walked home faster.

You felt frozen in place, staring after him as his hair fluttered behind him dramatically. You opened your mouth to call after him again, but quickly closed it, feeling tears brimming in your eyes as you disappeared inside. You could hear the door slamming behind him, and you quickly shut your own door, falling back against it as you let your tears fall,

"What the fuck?" You breathed, blinking rapidly. In all the years you knew Eddie, you never... Fought like this: where you were both too distraught to even want to look at one another, or solve the problem. He had never run from you. You had never... Been the problem. 

Hours passed but your mind was still occupied with Eddie and the fight. Your mind was always occupied with Eddie, but you were never worried for him like this... You tried distracting yourself by going grocery shopping before the sun would completely set. The burn in your legs as you walked into town helped- at least that was a physical pain and not... Ugh.

The pain in your arms accompanied you on your way home, and you found yourself regretting your decision to walk. Maybe you should have waited until things cooled off with Eddie so you could at least catch a ride here and there. The ice cream you had bought would surely be melted by now- what made you want ice cream anyways? You also couldn't buy any beer or vodka to take the pain away, so unless you wanted to see the one person you really didn't want to right now, you'd have to... Reconcile your emotions...

Okay.

Eddie was obviously upset you had left, but why on Earth was he pissed off at you? It wasn't your choice to leave- you'd sent your applications together... Though you never saw his, he had drunkenly admitted to you that he'd failed his final year days later and would have to stay in Hawkins to repeat it. He'd said it casually and whenever you mentioned it, he'd just wave it off like it wasn't a big deal to him. It had made you sad to know he wouldn't be leaving with you, but he never... Saw it as a big deal. Or made it look like that.

Did he think you left because of him? Eddie always ran from his problems- that's just what he did. If he knew he wasn't able to pass a quiz, he wouldn't show up for it; if he knew he couldn't finish a project in time, he wouldn't submit anything. You were there for all his failures, and tried supporting him through them, but he'd always make the same comment about 'education not defining him' or the 'project being stupid' and 'pointless'. You never realised how... Bad it was for him...

And perhaps it didn't help that you came home and didn't speak a word to him for the two days. It was purely overwhelming being back in a town where every person you passed cast you disgusted looks simply for how you'd dress or do your make-up. What was strange to them was scary, but it made you feel unwelcome and unwanted in a place that was supposed to be home. It's why you hated it in Hawkins. All you had here was Eddie. You sought comfort in your shared strangeness and unwillingness to conform to society- their 'shunning' hurt less when you were together. You had his comfort.

But you should be angry at him too- he was mad at you for something out of your control, and that hurt. If you could have left with him, you would. Why did he not realise that? You spoke about leaving Hawkins all the time... With a sigh, you flexed your fingers, looking over the empty grocery bags now on the floor of your kitchen. You were done unpacking those, and now had nothing to do. You glanced over at the waiting suitcase and duffle. If you were unpacking groceries you might as well make yourself at... home. Briefly, you glanced up at the window, and froze, noticing the very man your brain was occupied by.

A long plume of smoke left his lips, swirling into the dark sky. The end of the blunt he had rolled faintly glowed orange as he took a drag. He was faintly illuminated by the lights around the area, and you could see his shoulders sag as he looked down. You could faintly hear the sound of his shoes kicking against the metal dome structure of the park you both frequently found yourselves in on your peaks or come downs. You'd lay back on the grass together, staring at the multitude of stars, or giggling and shushing one another as you tried to fit into the tiny seats of the swingset...

 He was sitting in just his vest, the pins glittering in the night- you could see from where you were that he'd pulled the sleeves of the Hellfire shirt down over his arms to fight the chill of the night. You glanced over your shoulder to your kitchen table and sighed- he forgot to take his jacket with him...

You grabbed it, pulling it over your shoulders and allowing yourself to breathe in his scent. You weren't sure of calling Hawkins your physical home, but you were sure that Eddie's smell was the closest you'd ever feel to describing home... At least now you had an incentive to go make up with him again. Ha... Ha...

Silently, you shuffled to your door, picking the keys up you had dropped. You allowed yourself a moment to gather your thoughts, before stuffing the keys into the pocket of the leather, enjoying the feeling of it brushing against your skin again. As you opened the door, you found Eddie right outside, muttering to himself and seemingly doing the same thing you were a moment ago. You both jumped back slightly in surprise at finding the other person in the same place, and for a moment, you both stared, unmoving and unspeaking. Until finally, you opened your mouth,

"Uh," You tried, clearing your throat and looking down for a moment, "You uh... Got any more blunts we could... Share?" You asked him uncertainly, glancing back up at him. You could still see his face was red in the faint light from inside your home. He had been crying too. He only gave you a small nod, still silent as you turned the lights inside your home off and locked the door behind you. 

Together, you walked to the park again, still lost in your own heads and silent. Your eyes flicked to him and you watched him as he sat beside you in your usual spot on top of the dome. His movements were slow and careful as he handed over a roughly rolled blunt and lighter,

 "Thanks," You said, picking the blunt up in your fingers and reaching for the lighter, only to have him pull it into his grasp and lighting it. Carefully, you lit the blunt and took a drag, "Thanks," You breathed again as you handed it over for him to take a hit of, 

"No problem-" His voice was shaky, "Shit," He whispered. You glanced over at him, noticing one of his hands still shaking. He had this far-away look in his eye that made you fill with a deep sadness for him, 

"I'll uhm... Start," You said softly, glancing behind you and carefully setting your hands on the poles of the dome and grabbing on to them to steady yourself. With a sigh, you began, "Okay," You closed your eyes, nodding your head to collect your thoughts, before speaking, "I'm sorry. For not seeing you as soon as I got back, Eddie. It's just... It's been a lot being back here in Hawkins. You know how bad being here makes me feel, and finding out I might be getting evicted and getting back into a job, I just..." You sighed deeply, "I know you're mad at me for leaving and not talking to you and stuff but... I have responsibilities now," You explained, looking up at him. He was listening but not looking at you, focused on rolling the blunt between his fingers as it smouldered idly, "I'm an adult. I have to... Live. Pay bills, make money... That shit," You said, reaching forwards and taking the blunt from him, taking a drag, "It's just been a lot. I did want to spend time with you just... I wanted to wait until I got everything figured out," You concluded, nodding solemnly, "I didn't mean to make you feel like I... Didn't want to see you or anything," You frowned. 

From beside you, Eddie sighed, and you could see his hair shaking as he nodded to your final statement. It took a moment for him to say anything- he shifted first, moving so he could rest his hands on his knees and clasp his hands together, pressing them to his mouth, 

"Shit," He sighed, pressing his hands to his forehead, "That's... Yeah," He nodded. You stared at him, waiting for him to speak, but frowning as he didn't,

"What's up?" You asked, 

"Well, whatever I'm gonna say is gonna sound fucking pointless compared to you," He sighed, sparing you a glance. You frowned at him, shifting so you could look at him better, only for Eddie to turn his head away from you again. You delicately placed a hand on his shoulder,

"Eds, no I'm not gonna..." You sighed, "If you don't run away from me again, I'm not... Gonna find it pointless," You said, patting him gently. You tilted your head to try and appear in his field of vision and gave him an encouraging smile. He grimaced at you, fully turning his head to look back to his trailer, before sighing. You felt him relax under your touch slightly, and turn his head slightly to look at you, 

"We just..." He sighed, "I missed you so much," He breathed, and you saw the tears quickly rolling down his face, "And after we'd talked so much about... Leaving Hawkins behind- together," He looked at you, eyes finding yours quickly, "It was always together. Leaving, and living together somewhere. Working... Together," He rambled, "And then... Watching you leave without me... It made me realise that... Fuck," He sighed,

"You can say it, Eds," You said softly. He shook his head slightly, and as you opened your mouth to encourage him again, you felt his shoulder move. He took your hand in his, bringing it down to rest on the cool metal below you. You watched, curiously, as he moved his hand so he was holding yours,

"It made me realise that we've... Spent the better parts of our lives together. It made me realise how much losing you hurt me- and that terrified me," He spoke your name worriedly, and lifted an arm to wipe his wet face, "And made me realise that I never wanted to lose you again," He rambled suddenly, his words making your heart thunder in your chest, "And when you wrote saying that you weren't gonna be back for the summer, the winter, and the spring..." He breathed shakily, "I knew it was because you had nothing left here and I guess a part of me thought you meant me too..." He sniffled, "It made me realise I uhm... Actually want to finish school now-" He laughed to himself, "-So I can finally leave and... Find you again- be with you again, like we always were... I mean, sure I can pretend to be confident, and fine without you- God knows I've had practice with that with Hellfire, but-" He took a deep breath to steady himself, "Pretending to be fine without you just made me miss you way more," He said, breathing shakily, "It... Made me realise I..." The words died on his tongue momentarily, and he just sighed, "I think I'm in love with you," He confessed.

For a moment it felt like time stood still, your eyes captured by his, your breath stuck in your throat as those words left his mouth. You blinked a few times and let the blunt fall from your hand, tumbling to the ground. Your now empty hand balled, your nails dug into your palm to wake you up from this most pleasant of dreams. Your own eyes rapidly filled with tears: here was your best friend, who you have loved and pined over for so long, admitting he finally felt the same for you as you felt for him the moment you first met him,

"And I know you might not feel the same for me, and that's fine," He rambled on, seemingly not realising you were completely dumbfounded by his words, "But I just need you to know that I love you and-"

You quickly pressed your lips to his to silence him, and it took him a moment to register what was happening, causing him to let out a startled 'mmph!' as your lips touched. It was a moment before you felt Eddie's lips moving against yours. Your hands moved up to touch his cheeks, skin gentle yet wet with tears against your hands you pulled him closer. His own hands soon moved to your arms, holding you in place so gently, that when you parted, tears spilled down your face too. You let out a gentle laugh,

"Eddie, you big stupid idiot," You smiled at him, moving a thumb over his cheek to swipe a tear rolling down his face, "I think I love you too," You said, "Don't you think if I could, I wouldn't spend all my time with you?" You said softly, 

"Yeah," He breathed, appearing starstruck, round eyes darting over your face for any sign of a lie, 

"Yeah," You grinned back, gripping his hand and shaking it a little, "Dumbass," You said affectionately, 

"But I thought-"

"Thought what?" You quickly said, "I didn't feel the same?" He nodded slowly, "Eddie..."

"I didn't think you wanted to be around me anymore," He admitted softly, "I thought... You know. You'd find new people out in Franklin and you wouldn't need me anymore," He said softly, looking at you now, 

"Oh, Eddie," You said softly, squeezing his hand gently, "I guarantee no one could ever replace you," You assured him, "Besides? It's what? Only a matter of time before you find out if you passed your exams and then you'll move up to Franklin with me," You said softly, 

"You want me up there with you?" He asked uncertainly,

"Of course, Eddie," You said, "Those dorms suck. If we got a place together and split the rent somewhere close, I think it'd work out," You said softly, squeezing his hand again. He stared at you for a moment, before smiling slightly and leaning forward to kiss you again. You smiled against his lips, tilting your head to kiss him better and moving your hand back to touch his face gently, 

"I've uh..." He said softly as he pulled away just enough to speak, his forehead touching yours, "I've wanted to do that for a long time," He said, breathily. He then whispered your name, and you smiled,

"Well, I'm glad you finally did... Babe," You said with a smile, happy to hear him laugh. He glanced down at your joint hands, and brought them up to his face to kiss your knuckles. The act made your eyes widen and you quickly moved your hand from his to put both hands on his face and pull him close, kissing him again. It was almost like now you'd started, you never wanted to stop...

"Ew," You heard from the blue. You jumped, turning to stare at Max, who was leaning against the flimsy metal of the fence surrounding the park and frowning at you two, "Do you always cry when you kiss?" She asked as you whipped away the tears on your face,

"No," You quickly said, "We're just... Having an emotional moment, okay?" You said with a small laugh,

"Yeah, you spying on us, kid?" You heard Eddie say from beside you, and when you removed your hands from your eyes, you could see he had slid off the structure and was waiting for you with a hand outstretched. Ever the gentleman... Gently, you slid your hand into his, moving off the structure and glancing down at the grass, making sure the blunt had been put out, before tightening your hold on Eddie's hand, 

"What're you doing out here anyway?" You asked, turning to look at her. She shrugged, putting her headphones back on and turning on her heel,

"I'm going on a walk," She mumbled, taking a few steps away from you,

"But it's dark?" You said, moving forward with Eddie still holding you close,

"Yeah, kid, it's not safe," He chimed in, and you glanced up at him with a slight smile, 

"Why do you two care? Don't you have more crying and kissing to do?" She said coldly, and involuntarily, you let out a snort. You covered your mouth quickly, but Eddie had heard, and began to laugh, 

"Shut up, Eds," You grinned, before glancing back at Max, "You're funny, kid-"

"I don't need babysitters," She said, "I'm not a kid, either," She huffed, but you were already hopping over the fence and following after her, 

"Sure you do!" You grinned, stuffing your hands into the pockets of Eddie's leather jacket and glancing over as you felt him looping arms with you, 

"Yeah, we'll chase the monsters away k- Max," He said, and though she sent you two a glare, it made you feel better knowing you were going after her and ensuring she was safe. Besides- she had her headphones on and walkman playing a tape. She couldn't hear you and Eddie talking and laughing as you caught up on all you had missed when you were apart. Finally, you were together again, and now that you'd confessed you loved him and begun eagerly planning your future together, you hoped he wouldn't feel as alone as he did without you.

[mercy-burning]

Your Favorite — Part 2

Pairing: Spencer Reid x fem!Reader Summary: Y/N and Spencer decide to keep seeing each other in secret. Category: SMUT (18+) Content: Adults w/ age gap, cockwarming, heavy petting, penetrative/unprotected sex, breeding kink, oral sex (both receiving), degradation, exhibitionism, fingering, cum play maybe? Word Count: 7.5k

PART 1 | PART 2 | PART 3 | MASTERLIST

NOTE: This is... *nervous laugh* this is pure filth. Like... It’s nothing but sex scenes, y’all. Buckle in. (Also the end is a lil angsty so watch out hehehe)

———

JULY 8th

"You're sure you guys are okay without me for a little while?"

I love my mom. Really, I do.

But if she delays her bath for any longer than one more second, I'm going to burst into flames.

Thankfully it seems that Spencer is patient enough for the both of us. "Positive. You deserve to relax a little. Go. Take your bath, we'll be fine."

Mom looks to me for extra reassurance, and I give it to her with a nod.

"Okay. I'll try not to be too long."

She turns and kisses Spencer, long and lovesick, and I want to barf. What's even worse is that when she pulls away and pats my head before retreating up the stairs, he's smiling. And he's supposed to, I know that. Part of him obviously cares about my mom, and even if he's only fucking me on the side, the fact remains that he goes to sleep next to her. That's the way it has to be.

But it still makes me incredibly envious.

It's a problem.

Mom is upstairs now, but our rule is that unless we know for certain that she's not coming into sight or earshot anytime soon, we remain distant.

Still, I make my distaste for their affections known. "You guys are gross..."

Spencer laughs, his hand sneaking over the couch cushion and grazing the end of my skirt. "Jealous, are we?"

Of course, I have to make it difficult for him. "You're a genius, you tell me..."

"Hey now... You're lucky I'm giving you any attention at all... Besides, you know the rules."

I glance over at him, practically crumbling apart at the seams under his intense gaze. It's one I've gotten used to as of late, one that rivals every smile I've ever seen him give my mother.

"Doesn't make it any easier," I mumble, glancing down at where his fingers are still toying with my skirt.

"I know..." He reaches out and touches my hand, and my skin tingles. "Come here."

Even though I can hear that the bath water has only just started running from below, I comply all the same. I scramble off the couch and return on his lap, straddling him and nesting my fingers through his hair while I lean in to kiss him.

He welcomes me with open arms and an open mouth. The moment our tongues brush, I sigh and melt into him, needing desperately to be as close as possible. Our kisses then are languid and wet, and soft. We don't want to get carried away in case we need to be alert and jump apart, so it's best to keep our bodies controlled.

But as I'm learning, around Spencer, controlling myself is painstakingly difficult.

A whine escapes me when his right hand slips under my skirt and rests along the inside of my thigh, and I shift, silently begging him to give me more.

"So impatient..." he mumbles over my mouth.

I pull away and slide my hands down over his neck and shoulders, my hips rolling forward as I pout. "I haven't had you all week. I'm lonely..."

It's true.

Once all my STD tests came back clean and I got my birth control figured out and solid, the first thing he did was tell my mom he wasn't feeling well and texted me the address to his apartment. And after I told her I was meeting up with a friend, I drove over there and got my brains completely fucked out. We spent all day under the sheets, on the couch, over the kitchen counter, and then on the floor, until I had to go home and pretend like it never happened.

Since then we'd only slept together once, and that was just over a week ago, quickly while Mom ran to the store for an onion of all things. And then Spencer had been busy with consulting on new cases that his old job wanted a little help with, and once he had free time, Mom insisted they go on a date weekend.

I pout harder, stomach churning at the memory of the look he gave me before they left—a silent, sweet goodbye that had left me empty and wanting.

But he's just amused.

A smirk ghosts over his lips, red and a little puffy from the pressure of my own against them. "So I definitely can't trust you to be quiet enough to fuck you properly..."

That warrants another whine and another roll of my hips, and I can feel his hand gripping my thigh a little tighter.

"Please... Spencer, I need you..."

His name rolling off my tongue must be what makes him give into me, because I barely have time to react before he's kissing me again, using both of his hands to lift the back of my skirt up and knead my ass.

"Wait... Are you wearing..."

I grin over his lips, wiggling my ass into his touch and utterly turned on by the fact that he knows what underwear I'm wearing just by touch.

"Mhmm," I answer, nipping his bottom lip. "Your favorite..."

The sound that rumbles in his chest as he crashes his body against mine has to be the sexiest thing I've ever heard. He's obviously trying not to be loud, but it's hard, and that makes the sound strained. He really wants this, wants to keep me, and to do that he has to refrain from going absolutely primal right now. He has to do anything to keep this quiet.

So he pushes me off of him, and I pout, thinking he's given up until we can get a true moment alone.

But I know that isn't the case when he spins his finger and then starts undoing his pants.

"Turn around, sweetheart," he huffs, slipping his pants and underwear down just enough that his erection emerges free. "You're gonna sit here, keep quiet, and keep my cock nice and warm, understood?"

Don't have to tell me twice... I'll fucking take what I can get.

So I spin, back up, and move all my clothing to the side, my skirt lifting as I nestle into Spencer's lap and hold my panties to the side. He laughs at my eagerness, though he isn't laughing much longer once I sink down onto him and get in real close. His hands come out to grab my chest and pull me flush against his own.

The way he stretches and fills me has my eyes rolling back, a long, happy sigh falling from my lips. I wish I could say I'm being dramatic about it, but I'm really not.

I'm genuinely relieved and satisfied with the burn.

"There's my girl," Spencer muses through a sigh of his own, his breath fanning gently over my neck right before he gives it an open-mouthed kiss.

His hands slip under the baggy sweater I'm wearing and run along the planes of my stomach, then up and up, taking the fabric with him until it rests above my bare chest. Being exposed like this, right in the middle of the living room while my mom is just upstairs, excites me more than I think it should.

While Spencer kisses and licks at my neck, his hands now gently kneading my breasts, I squirm.

He doesn't like that very much.

"Ah-ah," he warns, squeezing me tight and pulling me into him more. "Relax..."

He hooks his legs around mine then, spreading them apart and somehow filling me deeper. I whine, leaning my head back onto his shoulder and trying not to roll my hips.

Instead, I settle for clenching myself around him, and that seems to be the right move.

"Atta girl... Lay back and relax... Just feel me filling you up nice and slow..."

"Mmmm," I respond in kind as his hands loosen and glide down my body.

He's light with his touch, though the kisses on my neck feel hungry, and his cock feels heavy and thick inside me. It's a beautiful contrast, really, making me feel so full and yet so light, like I'm a raincloud.

Soon his fingers dip under my skirt and cover my hand, which is working at keeping my panties off to the side. He traces the curves of my fingers with his own, mumbling praises and scattering kisses along the side of my neck. And I'm distracted enough that I almost don't feel his other hand make gentle contact with my clit until I gasp from the sharp sensation.

I can feel his smile against my skin as he starts rubbing in slow, precise circles.

"That feel good, princess?"

"Uh huh," I breathe out, trying to keep still. My other hand digs into my knee in hopes that I can stay grounded and focused on keeping still. But despite that, I'm feeling rather calm. Satisfied...

Right where he wants me.

"Mmm..." He hums happily into my skin, continuing to kiss my neck while working my clit.

And I have no idea how long we lay there. It feels like it could be hours.

The TV is on, but we're not paying any attention to it. In the back of my mind I know that Mom could be done with her bath at any minute, but it's been too long without Spencer inside me... And even though he's not actually fucking me, just having him this close and feeling him touch me, fill me, breathe me in...

God, I never want it to stop.

I'm almost on the verge of coming, but he removes his hand from me and slides them up my stomach again.

I whine at the loss of orgasm, but he pays it no mind. "Here's what you're gonna do. You're gonna start moving..."

I start to get excited, wiggling in his lap a little.

With a dark laugh, he brings his hands to my breasts, kneading them gently and nipping my earlobe. Getting my attention...

"But you're not gonna stop until I fill that slutty little cunt with my cum, got it? I don't care if you come more than once. I don't care if you come at all... I don't care if your mom comes down here and sees..."

I swear I almost come on the spot from his words alone.

And then his voice is somehow even darker, seeping through my skin and settling into the very deepest parts of me.

"You will not stop until you make me come, am I clear?"

I wouldn't deny him if I could. I'm so damn whipped by this man, so eager to please and be near him that he could ask me to do any fucking thing on the planet and I would.

My rational brain might have second-guessed that feeling if it hadn't been horny as fuck...

And so I get to it, maneuvering my hips and working Spencer's cock like my life depends on it. And honestly, it kind of does, because if my mother comes down and catches us I'm dead.

Despite the urgency, though, I relish every second of it. I try to remember every sensation vividly because I don't know when I'll get to feel it again. So every time I sit back down on his dick, I clench it on the way up, because I know that drives him wild and it also means I get to feel him grab me tighter.

I can't see him, not even really when I turn my head, but I can picture how he's probably biting his lip, trying not to be loud. His eyes are probably shooting daggers at the ceiling, praying to the heavens above that my mom won't come down.

But it looks like the heavens above have decided to damn us to hell.

That unmistakable sound of the drain in the tub rumbles through the ceiling and down the inside of the walls as the water travels through the pipes, and my heartbeat races faster than it ever has.

Spencer tugs my hair then, pulling my head to meet his shoulder once more. "You better hurry, little girl..."

That's when I finally come. My cunt throbs and shakes around him as I bounce as quietly as I can. His grip in my hair is tighter, urging me to keep going, and the sharp sensation seems to extend my orgasm a little.

I whimper and whine as I feel it, and that seems to be what does him in.

"Fuck, Y/N, that's it... That's my girl..."

Four more bounces from me is all it takes, and then he's holding my hips in place. He grunts as quietly as possible into my shoulder and fucks into me slowly, filling me to the brim with his cum and breathing harshly into my skin.

I can hear Mom walking around upstairs, most likely getting dressed, which means she'll be down any minute...

"Time to get up, princess," Spencer whispers a moment later, letting go of my hips.

I turn my head into his neck, whining. "I don'wanna..."

"I know, I know... But you have to."

I know he's right. But I can't just get up and lose him so quickly. I want to hold on for as long as possible.

So I tilt my head up and bring his lips to mine. Thankfully he doesn't reject me, instead returning my affections and sighing into my mouth. He's still sheathed inside me, and I can feel his cum very slowly starting to drip down.

I have to get up now...

My mouth reluctantly parts from his and pouts. I expect him to return it with a sad smile, but his lips are rather mischievous.

He smirks, lifting me off of him and quickly pulling my panties back in place. His cum instantly soaks into the thin, lavender fabric, and it only reminds me of his absence.

But then Spencer spins me around on the heels of my feet and presses his hand firmly to my clothed, sopping wet cunt under my skirt, rubbing it in and making me whimper out at the overstimulation.

"I missed you," he whispers sincerely. Sweetly...

I can't help but smile as I lean down to kiss him one more time.

"I missed you, too."

JULY 23rd

I've been looking forward to this weekend since Mom brought it up after her bath—A call from work. A weekend business trip across the country.

She would be gone for almost a whole week.

Spencer's already started on his coursework for the next school year so he'll be busy most days, but at night? That's when he's all mine.

The only hard part about this, really, is containing my excitement. Just yesterday Spencer got me alone and warned me that I better keep my cool and be patient. Though, the way he said it was hardly a bad thing considering it gave me an excuse to feel his hands on me, even in the laundry room where, more or less, this had all started.

Even now I can still feel their warmth and their heft as they grope and paw at my breasts while he attacks my neck with sloppy kisses.

But right now he's not here, and as much as I can't wait to spend the week with him, my mom is also going to be gone for that long.

Just because I'm fucking her boyfriend on a regular basis doesn't mean I don't still love her.

Though, the thought of it all makes me a little uneasy—I don't know what the future holds. I know Spencer obviously cares about my mom, but if it really gets to a point where they've been together long enough, would he ever marry her?

And then what?

It's one thing for him to be my mom's boyfriend, who doesn't live here and only stays when he can... But it's a whole other one to be my stepfather. And what if my mom wants to have another kid?

No.

I'm not even going to think about it... If it ever gets to that point, then we'll deal with it, but right now I've only known Spencer for nearly 2 months, and it's way too soon to be thinking about any of that right now.

"You gonna be alright without me for a week?"

I curl into Mom's side, laughing and thankful for her distraction. "I spend almost a whole year away at college without you, I think I can survive five days."

"Ugh, don't remind me. I wish you could just stay here with me forever."

"Ha, no you don't. I'm a menace."

"Only when you eat all my food and then complain that you're starving..."

My eyes roll affectionately. "Mom. That was one time, and I was fifteen and dramatic."

She kisses the top of my head and then rests her chin on it. "Then my point stands... You were only a menace when you were fifteen. Now you're an angel."

I can tell she's sincere, and when I tell her Thank you, it feels incredibly deceitful—Especially when she starts humming my favorite song and brushing through my hair with her fingers, just like she used to do to get me to sleep as a kid. The foggy feeling it sends through my bloodstream reminds me that I'm definitely not the same person I was back then.

Although, it is true that some things never change, and within minutes I'm soundly asleep in my mother's arms.

———

When Spencer and I are sending her off at the airport the next morning, my heart thrums wildly in my chest.

"You have Spencer's number in case of an emergency?" she asks me in a haste.

"Yes, Mom. For the thousandth time, I have his number, and I have Grandma's number, and I have just about every other number you've ever given me for emergency contacts."

She gives me The Look.

"Yes, I have it. And I'll be okay. I love you."

"Oh, I love you, too," she says, pulling me in for one last breath-reducing hug, though, that's not truly what knocks the breath from my lungs.

She goes to Spencer next, reaching up to give him a goodbye kiss. I'm expecting it. I'm okay with it.

But this is unlike any other kiss I've seen them share, and it admittedly makes me jealous.

Spencer almost has her off the ground, pressing her close to him and kissing her deeply. Her hands weave through his hair as he tilts his head, and this time I can see his tongue slip into her mouth.

"O—kaaay, my eyes are burning... Thank you for that..."

I know I can get away with that because it's a completely normal reaction to seeing your mother make out with anyone, so I don't feel bad about it one bit. And I especially don't feel bad about the warning look he gives me over my mom's shoulder when she comes to give me another hug.

But then she's gone, and minutes later we're leaving the airport parking lot, and I can't seem to shake my jealousy. Even when his hand rests politely on my knee.

The whole way home I only barely acknowledge his presence, giving him half-hearted smiles and remaining mostly still when he glides his hand higher up my leg. By the time his fingers slip under the hem of my skirt, I think he knows something is up, because it stops there.

He waits until we get in the house to bring it up.

"Y/N, are you okay?"

I plop myself down on the couch with an overexaggerated sigh. "Kinda..."

I know Spencer used to be a profiler, and really, it's not that hard to figure out what's wrong with me. But it's still a little scary how easily he just knows.

"You know I had to," he says, walking over and standing in front of me. "Keeping up appearances and whatnot."

He's right. And it's a consequence of what we've decided to do, so really I'm in no place to complain.

Still, I reach out and pull him in by the belt loops, leaning my face in rather close to his crotch. "You know... Actually, I think you just like making me jealous..."

The smile that dances over his lips is amused and downright sinful. "Oh?"

"Mhmm," I drawl, sliding my hands to the front of his pants and rubbing him through the fabric.

He laughs. "Yeah, you are pretty cute when you're all huffy."

With big eyes and a fluttering in my stomach at the way he looks down at me, I feel that pressing of jealousy start to lift off my chest. I know that within an hour he'll have me pinned under his body somehow, and the thought allows my response to come out clearly and without question.

"So how are you gonna make it up to me?"

———

We're already out of our clothes by the time we make it upstairs. And when we finally get into my bedroom, I'm about to shut the door and then Spencer stops me.

"No one's home, sweetheart... Leave it open."

He takes two steps and has me in his arms, his hands sliding down my back and resting over my ass. And when he gives it a squeeze, he grins down at me. "You're gonna be loud for me, understand?"

"Hey, that's on you," I tease, wiggling against him. "You want me loud? Make me loud."

His grip on my ass gets tighter as he pulls me closer, and I yelp out. "Don't challenge me, little girl... You'll regret it."

I laugh then, calling back to his earlier statement. "Aw... You're pretty cute when you're all huffy..."

"Alright, fine."

The next thing I know, I'm on my knees, and his hands are rooting in my hair. The rough carpet underneath me already burns, but I know in the end it's gonna be so worth it.

Spencer brings me close to his exposed crotch and tilts my head up to look at him. "I'm gonna fuck that attitude right out of your pretty little mouth, got it? And you're not gonna do a damn thing but take it like a good girl."

I would have asked him if that was a threat or a promise if he hadn't immediately shoved his dick in my mouth. It has me wet in an instant, the way he just pulls me onto him and starts fucking my face with an urgency that seems to contradict all the time we have. He needs me now, with no time for teasing or pleasantries, and I fucking love it.

Which is why I do as I'm told, enjoying every second as he holds my head still and snaps his hips forward, his velvety smooth cock gliding over my tongue and down my throat with ease. It doesn't take long for my eyes to water, my vision going blurry and my body growing hot. My face is angled straight ahead, but I still find a way to look up at him, and from this low angle?

It's the best thing I've ever seen.

No matter how many times I've been on my knees like this, staring up at Spencer as he loses himself at my hands (or rather my mouth, if you want to get technical), I swear I could never tire of it.

His eyes are glaring down at me as he concentrates, his arms are out in front of me as they hold my head in place, and his pubic bone and sculpted hips are right there, moving ferociously in front of my eyes. He's so deep in my throat for a few seconds, holding me down while I gag around him, that my nose is buried in the soft trail of hair that gathers on his skin, and I want to stay there forever.

But my gag reflex isn't much durable for more than fifteen seconds, much less forever, so I have to pull back.

Spencer pulls me off of him completely, a trail of spit following my lips and then detaching until it lands along my chin. I blink away some of the tears that had gathered in my eyes and pout up at him.

"What's the matter, sweetheart?"

"You're supposed to be making it up to me..." My voice is scratchy and a little hoarse now, but I know it'll probably be worse if Spencer really thinks he can make me as loud as he says (which I truly don't doubt for a second).

He tugs me up by the hair, and I whine as I get to my feet, my knees aching already. And then his mouth is on my cheek, gently kissing away a tear. "Aw, I thought you liked having my dick in your mouth..."

"I do..."I giggled a little, nestling into his body and feeling his erection, now slick with my saliva, press up against the inside of my thigh. "But I like it better in other places..."

"Mmm, you're right... I do, too..."

I certainly hadn't been expecting that answer.

But it doesn't surprise me when he walks us over to the foot of my bed and pushes me onto it. "Hands and knees, princess."

My knees still burn from the carpet, and I'm sure this squeaky-ass mattress won't alleviate the pain at all, but if there's one thing I've learned since having sex with Spencer it's that pain is all part of the pleasure.

So I don't question it. My limbs submit to his simple command, and once I turn away from him and perch myself on my hands and knees, I can feel him climbing on the bed and crawling up the backside of my body. His hands roam my ass and my waist, and within seconds he has his cock nestled against me.

He moves nice and slow at first, dragging the length of him through my slick cunt and ghosting the skin of my backside with his hands.

"Remember... Nice and loud, okay? Wanna hear how good I make you feel."

Like I could ever deny him. Even though I like to tease him and push his buttons, I couldn't think of a single thing in the moment that I'd ever deny him.

So he finally pushes into me, stretching me out well and good, and a low groan slowly rolls off my tongue like a waterfall. And I'm not doing it for his sake; It's like he draws it out of me like a syringe, and I'm utterly powerless against it... Against him.

Like I need a metaphor to explain how I'm well and truly his bitch...

"There she is..." Spencer breathes, reaching the very deepest part of me and staying there. "There's my obedient little girl... Tell me what you want."

I turn my head to get as good of a look at him as I can, and give him the pout to end all pouts. "I want you to fuck me, hard... Please?"

His answer is a gentle push forward, his body leaning over mine to take my hands and pin them behind my back, which pulls me up towards him so that my back is nearly flush with his chest. His hands are so big that one of them is able to hold both of my wrists while the other gathers my hair and tugs.

I feel like I'm being held by a bungee cord, especially when Spencer starts snapping his hips and pounding into me roughly. My knees are pushing into the springs of the mattress and lifting again with each thrust, and I can't help the stream of whimpers and shouts that escape me at the whole experience.

He lets go of my hair in favor of reaching around and palming my left tit, his pace never faltering for a second. Everything he's doing is precise and swift and so fucking good that my eyes can hardly stay open.

"I'm hearing you, pretty girl, but I don't think you're quite loud enough..." he grumbles in my ear, letting go of me and gently pushing me back down on the bed. He slips out of me and I whine at the loss, but I don't have to worry about it much longer when I feel him lay down over top of me and slam into me hard.

I yelp out, my hands reaching out and clutching the comforter for dear life. Spencer's hands, meanwhile, push up off the mattress on either side of my hips to lift himself up, and then he's grabbing my waist and pushing me into it while he fucks me.

When I instinctively shove my face down and try to muffle myself, though, one of his hands leaves my waist and comes up to tug my hair, pulling my head up. His hips pause, pressed deep into my backside, and I can feel how he's struggling to keep still.

"Uh-uh... No one's home, princess... Let it all out..."

He pulls back and plows into me again, and this time his pace is frustratingly slow. With each slam forward my voice grows louder, begging him for more with incoherence until I start to feel myself grow tense with pleasure.

"You're almost there, baby, I can feel it," Spencer breathes. His voice is far away, and I wish he was closer, his breath on my neck and his lips not far behind. But for now I gladly settle for his hands, tight and bruising on my hips, and the force of his pelvis as it collides brutally and wonderfully with my ass.

What finally brings me sweet release is the sound of him grunting out one word. A command. And once again it's like I'm powerless under his spell.

"Come."

I do, and he fucks me thoroughly through each wave. Even once I've finished, he chases his own orgasm for minutes.

By the sounds he's making and the way his hips falter here and there, I can tell he's close, but he wants to make it last. I want to tell him that we have all weekend, to maybe tease him a bit, but I'm so fucked out and incoherent that I couldn't have said a single word if I tried.

So I lay there and take it with a weary smile on my face, ever the whiny, whimpering mess that I am, and patiently wait for the moment he decides to let go.

And when he does, it's the most glorious feeling in the world. I'm tired, yes, but never tired enough to lift myself and wiggle my ass back into him, clenching myself around him and relishing in the way he grunts out my name. He empties himself into me, and I hum, positively satisfied and warm.

Before I know it, I'm sinking down within the comfort of my blankets, and I rest my head in my arms, the pillow still a little too far out of reach. And though I'm content, I still whine out sadly when Spencer retreats and leaves me feeling empty.

I'm about to tell him to get over here and cuddle me when I feel his weight redistribute, and it isn't long before he has his head between my legs, his tongue acting as a net for the cum that drips out of me. He barely touches me, only the tiniest of flicks with the tip of his tongue darting over my skin. I can't tell if I'm thankful because of the relief or if I want the burn to go on forever.

In the end, I don't really have a choice.

He pushes his tongue up, sweeping over my dripping cunt and cleaning me up. Suddenly his mouth is everywhere, making the most delicious sounds and bringing me closer to another orgasm, and all I can do is let it happen. My weary smile is joined by a fluttering pair of eyelids and a string of whimpers that are so small they don't dare drown out the words Spencer is grumbling between my legs.

Some of which, I can hear, sound out, "Another one..."

His finger adds to the mix, coming up and rubbing my clit in tight circles as he finishes cleaning up the mess he made, and within seconds I'm a writhing mess at his undoing.

I'm not sure how long it lasts, only that one second I'm tensing with another orgasm and the next I'm having my limbs moved.

Spencer is beside me in an instant, his face coming into view as I feel my breathing slow to a steadier pace. The longer I wait, the more focused I am on his features, soft and even a little concerned as he strokes some of the hair from my face.

"How are you feeling?"

The smile that beams across my face is just about the most natural thing I'd ever felt. And it seems to bring out those bright glints of adoration in his eyes that only ever serve to make my heart flutter, which makes what I tell him even more true.

"I'm happy."

JULY 27th

Waking up to Spencer next to me, while a daily occurrence these past few days, is still possibly the most surprising and comforting feeling in the world.

Our bodies never part. From the moment we lay down to sleep until the moment we wake up and decide it's time to start doing necessary daily things, not one inch of skin is untouched. Even when showering.

I think back to yesterday morning, where he dragged me out of bed because he had to pee and didn't want to leave me. I was slumped over the backside of his body while he went and then in his arms again while he ran us a shower to wake up.

It brings the widest smile to my face, however sleepy it may also be.

"What are you smiling for?"

I squint one eye open and see that Spencer is staring at me. I hadn't expected him to be awake.

"Just thinking about yesterday..."

He tightens his grip on my waist and pulls me even closer, my face instantly drawn to the crook of his neck. "Mmm," he hums as I nestle in and press a sleepy kiss to the bare skin at the column of his throat. "Which part?"

"Our shower."

I feel his thumb then, rubbing back and forth over my hip as clearly as I can feel him smile against the top of my head. "That was fun, wasn't it..."

"Mhmm," I agree. My lightly tongue traces over his collarbone before I kiss it again. "Our shower is much better equipped for sex than yours."

"So... What you're saying is that shower sex is out of the question this morning?" he confirms with a laugh.

"That's exactly what I'm saying..."

"Well then, princess, what uhh... What alternatives do you think we should try out?"

I start to laugh when he pulls my leg up over his waist and hoists me over on top of him. My face remains buried into his neck, though I trail my lips up and up until I reach his jaw.

"Hmm... What if I just ride you and see where it takes us?"

When my lips finally reach his cheek, Spencer shifts and captures them in a long, butterfly-inducing kiss before pulling away with a smile and brushing the hair from my face. "I think that sounds like a wonderful idea."

It helps that I can already feel him hardening beneath me, and from the moment I felt his hands on me, I'd been aroused.

Though, as soon as I line him up and get ready to start our morning the right way, his phone rings on the bedside table. I'm tempted to keep going, but he half pushes me off of him when he reaches and reads the name.

"It's your mom."

That instantly kills my mood.

With a dramatic sigh and a pout, I hop off of him and curl up under the covers, letting him answer.

"Good morning," he chirps rather happily, and I try not to imagine my moms smile on the other end of the line. Thankfully I can't hear her, but I can still see Spencer smiling as he greets her and goes through all the pleasantries that come with a long distance relationship; I miss yous and how are yous...

I wonder if he really does miss her. He must, at least a little, right?

I'm staring straight ahead now, picking at my nails while I wait for them to finish talking, but something feels off.

I can feel Spencer's eyes on me.

But then he asks, "What are you wearing?" through the phone with a voice so playful and seductive, and I snap my head around, glaring at him.

"Really?" I mouth.

The smirk on his face makes me want to chuck his phone across the room.

"Mmm," he hums, looking me dead in the eye. And the next time he speaks, I swear he's talking directly to me. "Why don't you take it off... I want to talk you through some things..."

I know my mom is hearing the roughness in his voice through the phone, but right now I can see his eyes, hungry as they rake over my body once I slowly peel the blanket away and reveal myself to him, and I know that his main goal isn't to get my mom off.

It's to finish what we started before she'd interrupted.

"Touch yourself for me, baby? Nice and slow. Just relax..."

He softly crawls over to me, keeping the phone to his ear with one hand while the other takes my knees and spreads them apart.

I start to touch myself as instructed, but he swats my hand away and winks, nestling between my legs. I lean up on my elbows and tilt my head, wondering where he's going with this, when he leans his other cheek into my thigh.

"You know what I'd do to you right now If I was there?" A small pause. And then, "I'd use my fingers to slowly stretch you open... Feel you contract around me..."

His fingers do exactly like he says, and I have to stop myself from making any sound. The evil grin growing on his face as he does it all makes it even harder.

"I'd finger-fuck you nice and slow," he continues in a voice just above a whisper. "Until you're begging me for more."

When his eyes meet mine, once more I want to lean forward, snatch his phone, and smash it on the floor. I want him to utterly devour me, without any interruptions or avoidances at getting caught.

But he's such a fucking tease.

Mom must be talking on the other end, because Spencer is silent, slowly fucking me with his fingers and watching them intently as they disappear inside me. Entranced... The thought of her speaking to him and holding his attention makes me jealous— Sure, he's fucking me right now, but really, she's the one calling the shots.

I lean my head back in frustration, letting out the tiniest of whines and grinding my hips up into his hand, hoping and pleading for more.

A low laugh leaves him. "Please, what?"

It's not lost on me that my mom must have asked for more from him at the same time I did... It cements just how absolutely fucked this whole situation is, and yet I can't help but clench around his fingers in earnest, silently pleading with him to go on.

He removes his fingers from me and I sigh out, trying not to disrupt their call.

"And... How would you like me to fuck you?" he asks, looking at me with an evil grin and knowing damn well I can't actually answer.

After he gets her answer, he climbs up on his knees and spreads my legs further, throwing one of them up on his shoulder while he leaves the other on the bed. Since he only has one hand to work with, he gestures to it and I help him out, lifting my other leg up to my chest and holding it with one arm to let him get inside at a good angle.

"Yeah, and how do you want it, baby?" He lines himself up with me and very slowly sinks the head of his cock in, holding it and running his hand along my stomach. "I'm thinking... I'd like to fuck you so slow you're practically writhing beneath me..."

I stick my tongue out at him, and then without warning he slams into me. I bring a hand to my mouth and bite down on my finger, trying not to make a sound.

"You're gonna be patient... And you're gonna let me take my time... Until you're nice and desperate... Whining out for me like a good little whore..."

Each sentence is punctuated with another thrust, hard and deep, followed by a short pause, and it's all I can do not to cry out his name and beg him to go faster.

Mom must be talking on the line again, because Spencer doesn't say a word as he fucks me. His pace doesn't pick up or slow, and his own self control starts to recede—I can see it in his features. I can also feel it in the way his free hand grips my leg. He wants to go faster, he wants to lose control, and this is killing him just as much as it's killing me.

But then he pants into the phone, his voice breaking a little as he pauses and rolls his hips into me, slow and burning. I whine into my hand as quietly as possible, and he asks the question that will seal my fate.

"Where do you want it?"

I wait, clenching around him and praying for the result I want.

And then he laughs. "Yeah? You like when I paint you with my cum, huh?"

I shake my head, silently begging him to resist and stay inside me, but he only shrugs as if to say, Sorry about your luck, and then pulls out, leaving me whiny and desperate.

Just like he said.

And then, he comes all over me, stroking himself fast and hard. Even though I've still yet to feel any sort of relief, seeing him in front of me like this, feeling his warmth dance across my skin in warm spurts, and hearing him groan out as he watches my body gladly accept it all...

It's quite honestly the most satisfying thing I've ever seen.

I can't say I'm not happy, though, when he slumps down and pants, sighing out a few goodbyes to my mom and then tossing his phone on the floor when she hangs up.

He smiles at me then, and I pout.

"You're evil..."

"Mmm, you love it," he drawls, leaning down and starting to dart his tongue over the mess he made on my stomach. Meanwhile his finger finds its way inside me again, and I feel myself start to turn into a writhing mess once more.

And he's right.

I do love it.

JULY 29th

Approaching the front door with Mom in step behind me, knowing that Spencer awaits for her on the other side isn't what makes my heart jump out of my chest.

It's the look on both of their faces when they see each other.

Though I push Mom forward to go see him, it nearly breaks me seeing her run into his arms. He picks her up and spins her around, reminiscent of their little moment at the airport, and the pure happiness on her face specifically makes my stomach twist.

This time it isn't jealousy.

It's guilt.

She's... incredibly happy. I don't think I've ever seen her this happy before. She's positively beaming as she hugs him tight and buries her face into his chest.

And when he looks past her head and looks over at me, I feel it.

The heartache.

Spencer's eyes burn holes into my own, and fill them with a sympathy that makes me feel more wounded than comforted.

I wonder then if he can see it on my face; The way I'm trying not to break down and cry... The way I'm only holding myself together by the weak smile I'm wearing, both to assure him that I'm fine and also to feign happiness for my mother, rather than the aching envy and sadness that festers within every crevice of my soul.

I offer to grab more of Mom's things from the car and dart right back out the door to avoid them for a little while. Maybe to also get some fresh air, even though I'd just been outside less than a minute ago.

After flinging open the trunk of the car, I take a deep breath and squeeze my eyes shut, feeling my chest start to tighten at the realization that I might be starting to fall in love with him.

A man who isn't mine, and who could never be.

———

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