#even their acts of love hurt him | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

polysyndetonaddictsupportgroup · 3 months

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did the zenin every try to convince megumi to stay with them by not beating the hell out of him? like were they ever nice or kind? other than maki and mai and the few times together, does megumi have any positive memories of anyone in the zenin?

idk just seems a bit counterintuitive to continuously isolate and destroy your relationship with the biggest thing since sliced bread by never showing him an ounce of kindness or sympathy even when he’s a kid.

So yes and no.

In their minds, they absolutely did, but Megumi would say they didn’t. The key issue is that they never tried to appeal to Megumi for who he actually was, but who they wanted him to be. They were trying to be nice to someone who wasn’t real to begin with.

Megumi got special treatment from the rest of the clan. He had the nicest clothes. He had personal trainers. He had the direct attention of the head of the clan. He had a private bathhouse and servants to attend him in it. He had a private room in the home of the clan head, who had the nicest home in the entire compound. All his meals were prepared for him and brought to serve him directly.

In the eyes of the clan, they were spoiling him. Everyone else was fighting for scraps. They all trained, but it was in crowded, sweaty rooms where they didn’t get attention unless they were already exceptional. The Zenin clan is very old fashioned, so they don’t really have private baths in homes. They were all bathing in communal bathhouses where you had to wait for your turn and half the time you got there and realised that you were out of soap.

Beating him was never a big deal, in the Zenin’s mind. They all got beat. It was a part of training. You learn to think through pain and react in a fight if you’re experiencing real pain, which is the exact reasoning Maki brings to hitting Yuuta during training. If they made the Ten Shadows exempt from that, they’d be weakening the person who was supposed to be their strongest by coddling him.

So the Zenin would say Megumi was already being spoiled by the clan, and any attempt to stop his training in handling pain was just another attempt at sabotaging his development.

The thing is that Megumi didn’t want any of the things that they were “spoiling” him with.

He hated the clothes they had made for him. He wanted to wear his own clothes. He couldn’t even pick what to wear. It was another way he lost control. Yeah, they gave him his own room in the nicest house, but he was getting locked into it, and he was only in there when they had finished training him to the point of collapse. The bathhouse was a traumatizing experience for him. He was stripped down and forcibly bathed by strangers. It wasn’t a luxury to him; it was a violation. He would have taken the communal bathhouse any day. He had no say in what he ate, and his meals were brought to him because it allowed the Zenin to pack his schedule even tighter, because he didn’t even get real meal breaks. He just paused to eat and then immediately picked up with whatever they were teaching him. But they never registered any of this as driving him away, because they were too deluded by who they wanted him to be rather than who he actually was. The Ten Shadows in their mind would not only not be upset by this, but he would appreciate it. Megumi was meant to be honoured by the clothes and the room and the private bathhouse. And he would be, as soon as they broke him of Gojo’s control. Any time he expressed upset was just another show of what Gojo had done to him. He needed to be freed from it, so they never actually heeded him begging them to stop.

It’s also important to note that most of the Zenin didn’t know how bad the beatings were.

Again, all of them got beat. The clan head got beat when he was a kid. It’s expected for them. But none of them got beat as badly as Megumi, except for maybe his father when he was Megumi’s age.

Because a lot of the beatings weren’t coming at the hands of someone who wanted him to love the clan. They were coming from Naoya. Who hated him.

Naoya wants him to hate the clan. Fuck, he wants him dead. Megumi is everything he was supposed to be, and he wants him gone. He wants to hurt him.

Naoya got more access to Megumi than anyone else in the clan when Megumi was a kid. He was one of their most gifted fighters and high up in the clan, but not so high up that he was busy with actually running it, so he was tapped in as his trainer. He went farther in hurting megumi than anyone else in the clan thought or expected he was. He was just supposed to hit him when he taught him how to fight, to train him how to take pain, and as a disciplinary measure to break him of Gojo’s influence. But even then, discipline in the Zenin compound usually stops at a few slaps. Like, they still all are abusing their children, don’t get me wrong, but the extent of the abuse that all of them face was no where close to the abuse that megumi was under.

Naoya wasn’t beating Megumi to train him. He was beating him to hurt him. He wanted Megumi to suffer as much as possible. He wanted to make him feel pain.

The rest of the clan never heard Gojo’s claims that he had taken Megumi away because they were beating him, but they wouldn’t have believed them if they did. Megumi was supposed to be their strongest, so if they could take training, he could take training. He was getting every luxury and benefit that they weren’t getting. The whole clan thought he was being treated like a little prince. Of course he didn’t need to be protected from them. They all have the mindset of “my parents hit me when I fucked up, and I turned out fine.”

If Megumi hadn’t had cursed energy, Naoya would have killed him with how badly he was beating him within a month. Even with cursed energy, he almost killed him.

It’s not the expected norm to beat clan members within an inch of their life, unless they’re failures like Megumi’s dad who they actually want to kill. That would be counterintuitive. They need their members in peak physical condition to be fighters. No one there would believe that’s what Naoya was doing if they knew.

The worst of the abuse came from someone who actually hated megumi and wanted to hurt him. But none of the “positive” things they said they spoiled Megumi with actually had any kind of positive impact on Megumi, because they refused to accept him as he was. They were trying to spoil the fantasy they had of him. But the actual child had lost all control of his life, was terrified of them, and was traumatised every time he set foot on the compound.

#sea glass gardens #even their acts of love hurt him #and it’s because they refused to let him keep the parts of himself he didn’t want to lose #if they had let him wear his own clothes and bathe himself then so much of the trauma just wouldn’t have happened #he would have liked them more #but they wanted him to look like the fantasy so they refused #the only time that Naobito directly condoned megumi being beaten past the expectation was when Megumi humiliated him by refusing to let him #kill Shiro. he was trying to break megumis sentimentality towards his Shikigami that he perceived as a dangerous weakness #Naoya went farther than anyone thought he’d go then #but he had also been pushing it every time he was alone with megumi #Naoya hated him. everyone else just loved a fantasy.#they also never thought that they HAD to convince megumi to stay with them #he belonged to them. they were entitled to him.#it’s really important to note that the zenin clan is an echo chamber #what they think of as pampering their children is still abuse #like with calling Megumi the Ten Shadows #maki herself didn’t think it was a bad thing #they think it’s a sign of honor and respect #but it was just dehumanizing when it happened to megumi #he couldn’t even have his NAME #he didn’t want to be called the ten shadows. he wanted to be called megumi. no one would ever call him Megumi. he begged them to and they #just wouldn’t because the ten shadows in their mind accepted the title as an honorific.#it’s been a decade and Tsumiki still gets violently upset on megumis behalf if people call him the ten shadows.#he was fucking traumatised by it

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tswwwit · 13 days

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i have a counter argument to the 'only one person can boop bill' thing, mabel. she's the type of person to slap stickers on people, she would definitely be the type to also boop others occasionally and bill would be no exception. she probably doesn't do it to annoy bill like dipper would, but maybe as a form of a friendly gesture, kind of like those people who will lightly punch friends in the arm when they hang out.

You know what? Good point. Mabel would get away with more than most, as a fun-loving lady! Bill understands those impulses, and being a touchy person! He indulges in similar ones himself.

Though when Bill's not in the mood to be playful and gets booped anyway? The 'sister-in-law' status grants her considerable grace.

#answers #Though in addition to that - Mabel's general chaos and level of Fun Times is something Bill genuinely likes #Catch these two having one too many margaritas and slinging arms over each other's shoulders while singing too loud and off key #She'd have some leeway even without the brother situation #But Mabel gets a pass on things she normally wouldn't purely on the merit of 'this would piss off the spouse'#The thing about Bill is he's genuinely fun to party with - right up until he decides you're the pinata #Even now there are times when she thinks she's doing something 'cute' and Bill was NOT in the mood but just has to grin and bear it #Instead of breaking fingers one by one #Dipper is singular in his ability to get away with Pretty Much Everything #It's love yest but it's also communication and personality I'm afraid #If Bill DID call Dipper out on doing something Too Far he'd get an embarrassed and apologetic husband. With kisses of sorry.#Though in minor circumstances: he starts arguing with him #Turns out that bickering is a better way to deescalate with Bill than most other tactics and Dipper's a pro #Now Bill's gotta think semi-rationally to Win The Argument instead of acting on impulse.#And in the process of debate he not only: learns where his husband's coming from but has time to cool off #Congratulations Dipper! Your Nerdy Logic brain and ability to Rise to a Challenge prevent Bill from going immediately nuclear #Plus showing off that big sexy intellect of yours doesn't hurt #Whereas I see Mabel pushing one of Bill's few boundaries and then deflecting. She ain't great at conflict #Brushing it off and laughing; Jeez it was just for fun!! Lighten up already!#Exactly what Bill says when HE'S being a dick to someone!#Which is why he'd react Very Badly to that excuse #Ha ha! Fun! Of course Bill loves fun! You know what HE thinks is FUN #Barbecue. Flash-fried pork ribs. Where's that stupid pig #Dipper has to disarm that particular bomb and I highly doubt it's a pleasant process

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5hrignold · 3 months

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reminder

#rewatched this sneak peek for the first time since i first saw it and ugh. UUUUGHHGGHHH.#it hurts me a lot I’m ngl….. like to see charlie be so critical of something pim likes #except this time it’s even more painful because it isn’t just that pim likes it he also thought charlie would like it too and he literally #took him out and did this just for him because he thought he’d like it. he thought charlie said something so he went out of his way to #organise something to show to him to make him happy. and also how like… expectant? charlie is acting in the clip #like the way he just kinda frowns at pim whenever one of the dudes says something particularly out there #and it’s like. dude what the fuck #ive Said it once i’ll say it again i think charlie needs to lose pim during an episode or something. itd humble him #i mean that KIND OF happened with the finale but look where they are in s2 #as usual what i always say. absolutely no actual complaints. if anything i Love this because it’s very clearly like #im so excited for this particular episode because you can just TELL its gonna be such a good one for their relationship #like looking into it analysing it n stuff #literally anything with them together has me screaming and cryjing they’re one of my fav duos ever #ok my hands are shaking bye #smiling friends #💝#smiling friends spoilers #also this is just Such a cute clip. the way pim runs and how charlie slugs on close behind him looking all grumpy #and how happy he looks to be calling him his best friend… actually peak i fear this is the peak of the season (joke

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zivazivc · 17 days

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Is Les the kinda guy who would show concern for a friend's well-being even if said friend injured him in a drug-induced or alcohol-induced frenzy while he was trying to restrain them to prevent them from seriously hurting someone (and that friend otherwise isn't a violent person)?

This is such a specific question, and I'd still need to know so much more to guess how he'd really react... like how injured, is he under the influence too, what was the argument about, what genre is the friend and the other troll (or like what is their size because I have a hard time imagining Les being unable to restrain a non funk troll), and does the friend get hurt too, like there's so many factors that play a role...

but generally, yes, he would be worried for his friend, but i doubt he'd directly show it because he'd also be pissed at them. though he'd be pissed more because the guy is being difficult to restrain and being and asshole than because Les would be hurt. (we are talking about a close friend here right? cuz if it's just an acquaintance I doubt he'd even intervene. he doesn't get in other trolls' business) This guy grew up around a lot of physical abuse; he has very high pain tolerance and little care for his own wellbeing. He's even been in a number of fights/got jumped a few times in the past, and isn't new to dealing with injuries... :/

#toward the end of floyd's days in the band when his bipolar makes him really nasty #he intentionally physically hurts les on at least two occasions #and even then les feels concern for him because he can tell floyd's acting-out isn't normal for him #but in this case it's also good to know that the guy is messed in the head #and can easily convince himself that somwthing bad happening to him or those he loves is entirely his fault and/or that he deserves whateve #shit is being thrown at him :((#answered #trolls #ex bandmates #les

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seariii · 8 days

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Oh..... I'm devastated.... Haruka is scared, but he has long set his mind on this, he has repeated it constantly, how there is no other way. He wishes there was, but he can't see it at all, he probably looked around, scared hoping for another answer, but couldn't find anything else.

And at the end, its almost like for him, choosing to commit to the act, is almost the same as already have done something that you can not undo....

And he knows about that....

He still feels happy, he still thrives on attention, on kindness. And... Having to let go of all of that which he finally has, probably hurts like hell... Yet, he is willing to do it, because he truly believes (or believed) that doing so, will bring happiness and good things to the person he loves the most...

#it's... kind of a selfish act if you think about it... disguised as a selfless one...#if he tried to do it in the past or not... right now he is onlt looking for what he thinks is best...#for what he believes... what he wants to do... even if the motivation is someone else...#muu supports him because 'its what he wants to do' not because she truly believes its the right option #but 'friends support each other' she has never had a real friend of course she is gonna take that to the next level #it doesnr matter if she actually loves him or not she is gonna hurt if he is actually gone. and im sure she knows it #but she is his friend right? so she has to support him....#haruka is being selfish because he isnt stopping to consider if this is truly what muu wants too...#(or maybe im just projecting lmao the life of a haruka kinnie)#seari talks #milgram #haruka sakurai #my son <3

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chayannesegg · 3 months

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only watched clips of fit pov so I'm not fully informed yet but the evolution of fit deciding the "homophobia" is real is interesting.

like, initially he saw it for what it was: tubbo lashing out because he felt left out. he called tubbo out on this, he told ramon this, he laughed about it. tubbo was also cartoonish in his distaste, it was obvious he was hurting underneath.

but slowly he's become more and more genuinely annoyed by it even though tubbo has toned it down massively

tubbo basically just does his performative ick when faced with fitpac moments like one might if their parents kissed in front of them. he certainly still feels left out but it's also a bit (one pac loves to poke at bc he knows it's tubbo being stubborn and resistant to love)

but to fit, who wants tubbo to show him that he still cares about morning crew, it bothers him that tubbo can't just leave it be. it hurts every time tubbo rejects fit & pac's relationship, even jokingly. he doesn't understand why tubbo feels left out. he wants morning crew back to what they used to be.

tubbo for the longest time was the only person there with them when fit and pac were developing their relationship. no ramon. no richas. no mike. he teased fit but he also supported him. he was the buffer they needed to start acknowledging their feelings. he was their friend.

but now tubbo is standoffish. he shies away where he used to budge in. he doesn't know his place around fit and pac anymore and he's not brave enough to ask. he's scared of the answer.

and fit doesn't get why tubbo can't just believe they love them the same as before. why he's not acting like before. he feels rejected. he feels ignored. the comments about fit and pac have started to feel personal instead of just tubbo being insecure.

so when he sees tubbo reaching out to foolish, it hurts him. it seems like tubbo has just given up on the morning crew. and he wants to lash back. he wants to warn foolish about how tubbo can hurt him. he wants tubbo back. so he frames it around the going joke, that tubbo's homophobic, but it doesn't quite land (fit's not as good as tubbo at making jokes out of his own pain). it just ends up feeling too real and that's exactly the problem.

#qsmp #oops somehow this didn't post even tho i queued it to #qsmp fit #qsmp tubbo #the polyam morning crew allegations stay strong that man is jealous of tubbo makinh new friends #does he even see the irony of thinking tubbo's leaving him behind by making something new when tubbo was scared of fitpac for the same thin #does he even realize is tubbo feels like he has more friends to count on outside of fitpac he might be able to be more normal towards them #also an aside i need to say: i don't like fit putting a focus on tubbo being 'homophobic'#like it just gives a bit of a weird vibe when he's playing a gay person in minecraft and tubbo is actually queer #and i see people online acting like tubbo's been meaningfully homophobic to fitpac #but i do like the seeing two emotionally repressed losers who love each other hurt each other :)#so i do overall like the arc that just gives me the ick a little is all #was kinda glad to see tubbo uturn that first convo even if fit brought it up again later

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total-drama-brainrot · 23 days

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Alenoah, where Noah cares about Alejandro, more than Alejandro's family did:

Noah: I will now torture you.

Alejandro: Kinky!~

Noah: I think you are brilliant and beautiful.

Alejandro: Wait!

Noah: You deserve to be cared for and loved, despite your mistakes.

Alejandro: No!

Noah: Your feelings and needs are valid, and deserve to be heard.

Alejandro: I need a safeword! 😳

Real.

#almost went on a whole rant here about how alejandro wouldn't know how to process unconditional care and support--#for himself as a person instead of the praise he receives for his persona/mask/“charming” act #and also how this ties in to him being starved for genuine affection/love which is why it's so ironic shipping him with noah of all people #since noah is not the type to show a lot of affection. at least not publicly- and even when he does it's usually veiled behind a layer of--#sarcasm and/or prickliness. he's like a hedgehog.#but noah WOULD absolutely break out the big guns once he's realised just how fucked up alejandro's home life and subsequent psyche is #“i am going to hurt you emotionally”#“do your best”#“i love and cherish you as a person and expect nothing in return. i care about you and your feelings. you're my top priority.”#cue alejandro ugly crying into a tub of ice cream #noah's trying to comfort him (awkwardly) but it's making it worse because noah caring about him even at his worst is The Issue #alejandro gets to have a breakdown over finally having a healthy relationship. as a treat.#total drama #td alejandro #td noah #alenoah #others' ideas #ophe's ranting in the tags again #replies

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thebookworm0001 · 7 months

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I just think the fandom’s nastier responses to the bg3 men is wildly interesting

like. you have three men who are coming out of highly unhealthy relationships.

One of them gets super sexualized and infantilized at the exact same time. literally people put him in the bdsm harness while simultaneously misinterpreting elven cultural norms to say he’s mentally no more mature than a teenager despite having been a whole-ass local judge who died because he gave out corrupt rulings and got his ass jumped because of them.

the other gets treated like he’s an incel because he catches feelings quickly, despite being wildly respectful when you turn him down. Half the issues were due to a bug, the other is that this man is so starved for validation because his goddess - whom has paid special interest to him since he was a toddler - kept him constantly feeling lesser-than because despite calling him her Chosen, she gives him none of the power we see Chosens be given by other gods. Not to mention she sends her other ex - his mentor and friend - to tell him to off himself to earn her forgiveness. For some reason his attempts to gain god-like power are received worse than the borm-sexy-yesterday-vampire despite both of them having the goal of being safe from manipulation and control. I assume because the vampire gets a sex scene when you let him destroy his soul for power and the wizard does not.

The fairytale prince route, despite typically being very popular, is being called boring and dull and while, yes, he has less drama than some of the others, is still compelling and has high stakes for that character. He’s sold his soul but he thinks the price is worth it and he’s made his peace with the personal cost because he’s helping people. The only real difference between this character and others who are willing to sell their souls for the good of their lands is that this time around, he’s Black

#bg3 #baldur’s gate 3 #fandom critical #I guess?#like Wyll’s shit seems to genuinely be people are racist and not realizing or caring to realize #he’s a delight! he wants to dance with you! he’s a sweetheart going by the fairytale chivalric code #meanwhile he’s literally made a deal with a devil to make the princely thing happen #it’s good! he’s the vanilla ice cream route and it’s very lovely #literally his route is so similar to Alistair in the choices to give up your life for the world #I love astarion and he is in fact very sexy #and he likes sex when he has the final say in whether it’s happening #but that damn tombstone has some people acting creepy as fuck #yes it’s sad how young he was but he was also a whole adult man when he died #and Gale… you can argue very easily he was groomed #and even if he wasn’t - this man has isolated himself for a /year/ trying not to hurt anyone #yeah he’s gonna get attached to the first people he gets to hang with #he’s hurt when you turn him down but he’s not a dick #then he becomes your ride-or-die #he’s a sweetheart #Halsin has his own shit going but he seems to a companion solely because people thirsted so hard #but he’s also worked through his shit and is decently mentally stable #not letting ppl reblog this because I don’t need people acting a fool on my post

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orangeocelotmartyn · 1 year

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sobbing and crying about the fact that Martyn can never say what he means especially about his emotions. He can wear the dogwarts banner on his waist, give him a life, give him netherwart in secret but he can’t tell ren or the world that he cares. Instead he hides behind his words (I was going to betray ren) because that’s all he can do when he knows there is something Watching him, preying on his vulnerability

#Does he think that ren not being there is his punishment? For not killing Scott in last life #for teaming with him (even reluctantly) in double life and now in limited life they were a pair #why does it hurt him so much to show he cares to people’s faces. His love language is acts of service #because admitting you care is the hardest and scariest thing. Better to serve someone #put yourself in a position where they don’t have to say they care #Make yourself a weapon #rather than admit that you too are made of love and made to love and be loved in return #Martyn #inthelittlewood

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vole-mon-amour · 11 months

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James got Jamie drunk and got him raped. He forced Jamie to have sex with an adult when Jamie was (and probably the day he turned) 14. James has been beating Jamie for years. James has been abusing Jamie mentally as well, being the cause of Jamie's depression, self-consciousness and many other issues. James has probably been beating up Georgie, too, until she had the means to get out.

There's a huge difference between recognizing your bad behavior (being a jerk and a bully for funsies—which isn't great, too, but it's redeemable, especially since Jamie was basically abused into this behavior) and changing for the better and throwing an abused kid back into his abuser's arms that gave him such severe PTSD that some encounters give him very painful flashbacks. He doesn't even remember his first sexual encounter bc it was so bad that he blocked it out, but he for sure will be triggered again if something like the auction in s1 happens again. Jamie was raped, and by an adult at that, when he was just a teen.

Even if James changes for the better in the future, he already ruined Jamie's life in the ways that Jamie will never be able to fix. Never, no matter how hard he tries and works on himself and goes to therapy. It's the horror that will always stay with him. It's the things that will haunt him in nightmares on his worst days and stop him from falling back asleep.

It doesn't matter if James becomes dad of the year (unironically) and finds a wife that he'll genuinely love and cherish and never show any toxic behavior for the rest of his life (which probably won't happen, I can almost guarantee you that). He will always be a wife beater and child abuser. So when you go on a rant about protecting James and how he's only human, at least remember and admit what he did.

Jamie deserves BETTER and I'll stay on this hill. 'It's been a while'? It should stay that way. Ted never should have told him to forgive him and Jamie should have never reached out to his abuser, let alone visit him in rehab and act like it's all fine and at least 21 years of the abuse didn't happen.

Because it absolutely did.

#ted lasso #jamie tartt #tw abuse #tw rape #my dad didn't even come close to the damage james did to jamie #i loved my dad very much and i was was devastated when he died #yet I'm still dealing with the aftermath of his actions 2 years later #again: my dad loved me the way he could. i loved him.#but it was almost very toxic and destructive and he hurt my mom mentally quite a bit #to the point when i learned what he did i couldn't fucking believe it was the same person #and i felt betrayed and devastated and so incredibly mad #jamie is a good kid that wants love and Be Good #but getting back to his abuser and acting like never of that happened is not a part of that #it should NEVER be a part of that #there's plenty of love from other people AND at home #james can go fuck himself and leave jamie alone. period.#it's 11:11 pm #and with that i am hopefully going to sleep

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trentcrimminallybeautiful · 5 days

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you know if we do accept the last epilogue-esque sequence as a sort of dream/wish of ted's and therefore not necessarily canon, very funny if we then simply go "yeah, trent's book is called 'the lasso way' actually. he didn't change that. nope."

#listen on one hand #i think that like #i don't think ted actually changed trent's mind about the title #i think trent changed it because ted asked him to #and like that's especially interesting bc he even made a point of being like #'tell me if you disagree with anything and i'll tell you why you're wrong'#but he respects ted; more than that he likes him and he wants him to like the book--like him #anyone else and trent would have told them to fuck off but ted? ted asking him to change the title? yeah #i think he didn't agree with 'it not being about him'--and not bc of any feelings he may have for ted--but if we accept that him changing #the title is canon then like. he did it because ted asked. nothing more nothing less #maybe he felt he owed it to ted as the subject of the book; maybe he just respected him too much not to #maybe it's partially bc of his feelings; maybe it's because he just couldn't say no to ted #but it's ultimately just. because ted asked him.#and trent respects him; trusts him; cares about him #and that's pretty heartwrenching #but like on the other hand if we say 'no that was ted's wishufl thinking trent definitely went 'sorry ted it's called the lasso way''#also like.... him being like. like quietly not changing it and if ted said something him just. being like #ted. i respect you. i care about you. i trust you. but with all due respect absolutely not #yes it isn't ONLY about you but YOU made this happen. YOU are special and YOU have a place here whether you can stay forever or not #yes it's about the team and the coaches yes you aren't a one man band but ted. TED. you touched lives. you changed lives. and that was YOU.#that was you and your philosophy and your attitude.#you made richmond what it is today. yes the team deserve credit too for the kind of bond they have now but YOU facilitated that #none of the coaches currently here woudl be coaches if not for you. the diamond dogs wouldn't exist. literally every single one #of our friends--OUR friends--wouldn't be where they are and probably wouldn't be as happy #you got through to people over and over again who were hurting and lashing out. to rebecca. to roy. to jamie. to nate. to me.#and you can be humble but there's being humble and there's acting like you don't matter to any of us like you didn't have an impact #like you can just leave without a trace. we don't blame you for leaving--i especially don't--but acting like we won't miss you and like #your time with all of us--our time--meant nothing is more insulting than it is humble because we /love you/#and yes. it was the goddamn lasso way that built this place #this community.

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qtubbo · 7 months

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Guys I love how this fandom constantly have different standards for tubbo in literally every circumstance and always take his actions as selfish and or malicious. I love how it always sounds incredibly ableist 💖 I appreciate that so much.

#Hashtag sarcastic #Godd ive been watching qsmp since it launched and ever since tubbo #Joined it became incredibly obvious how ableist most of you are #qsmp #I love how no matter how much permission he is given the moment a cc even pretends to act slightly mad at him you pull out #Thinly veiled ableism #Discourse #Everyday I reminded how much people actually hate me because of my disabilities and it hurts a lot

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suffarustuffaru · 6 months

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ok but im getting emo over heinkel again so im gonna talk about him again because yeah hes yet another sad character in a sea of sad characters and i love rezero for that but like he is a character consistently characterized by one loss after the other. it's a rollercoaster and its going straight fucking down and he is so miserable and absolutely alone and its both his fault and not his fault at all. but the way it starts is - its all out of his control. the more you think about the trajectory of his life the sadder it gets.

imagine you are heinkel and your parents are the sword saint and the sword demon and you come from a long line of knights and sword saints so thats almost definitely where youre headed, right? thats whats expected of you. you are nineteen years old and youre a knight in the royal guard, which was expected of you, and you have a wife and a beautiful baby boy, which was also expected of you, but at least you have so much joy and love for the latter while the former is just another chain on the astrea family line of people who are stuck to knighthood whether they like it or not. but your family is also just another chain because youre nineteen and your mother is still the sword saint and youre playing with fate here because either youre going to be the sword saint or your son will be.

your wife, the only equal you have, falls asleep one day and never wakes up. you are twenty-one years old and a single parent and then you are twenty-three years old and your son's fate is so much bigger than youll ever be. having the worlds love means that your love pales in comparison, doesnt it? everyone knows about your comatose wife because you keep searching so much for a cure that its just another thing to gossip about. every year that passes by she just continues to look the same as she did when she was awake and alive and loved you. (you dont know it yet but your son is going to reach the same age as her, because you dont find a cure for another sixteen years and you know that she wont love you anymore because who does? theres no one left because your son doesnt count.)

and everyone knows about you because of your family. because yeah, youre a good swordsman, but youre not liked by anyone in the knights. youre not a friend and youre certainly not a sword saint or sword demon. your son mind controls someone because he loves you so much that he would do anything for you and looks up to you like youre some hero, but youre just a wreck whos scrambling to keep what little you have. youre twenty-four and you lose your mom because you were too scared to go on the mission you were assigned on, because youre a coward and youre in over your head and you know, because everyone knows, that you dont measure up. you could never be prepared for this. in a long line of people who have to carry the weight of the world, you crumble easily. your mom goes on that mission and dies and your son becomes the sword saint like this was always going to happen. this is what being loved by the world means. you just killed your mom because you just couldnt suck it up and die on that mission instead. on top of that, your dad says that your five-year-old god of a son killed your mom. its just you and your son and the two of you both killed your mom but youre the worlds biggest laughing stock and your son is the up and coming hero and monster. but you still love your son. you really do.

right?

#rezero #heinkel astrea #i have. many feelings on him always. no i do not condone his abuse and i never will. but he is such a fascinating character #and this is not even getting into like. post-reinhard being five years old. cries. there is so much happening my god. the tragedy of it all #i swear theresia and wilhelm act like they dont even like heinkel fr sometimes too i swear aldfjldfjl theres just implications behind that #relationship too. and implications to heinkel and reinhards Everything with what little we've seen of them. like little kid reinhard truste #his dad SO MUCH heinkel was very loving in the beginning. it hurts how badly it turns out later alsdlfj bc you just Know that reinhard is #internalizing this like. my dad used to love me and now he doesnt anymore and its all my fault.#BUT HE STILL DOES LOVE REINHARD DEEP DOWN BC WHY ELSE WOULD HE HAVE SCHULT AS A REPLACEMENT. GOD. GOD.#arc 5 spoilers #i always like. theorize that heinkel used to be someone who tried to follow the rules to the T. try his best. try to be a good perfect #knight. a bit of a people pleaser. WHICH IS LIKE REINHARD RIGHT and it explains why heinkel is so bitter and jaded and angry now. god. i #hate it here. the astreas make me sooo crazy #like heinkel really does seem like a guy whos just trying to be a goody two shoes in like the once upon a time from lugunica ss but he fail #miserably bc hes too Emotional and also going through a lot of stress aljsdlfj

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bylertruther · 1 year

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some of you never grew up in a small conservative town as a (gay) nerd that was bullied, harassed, and excluded for years on end for not fitting in and for visibly and enthusiastically liking geek things—geek things that then branded you a satanist in everyone's eyes and as something Other, Lesser, and Undoubtedly Unworthy of Basic Human Decency even though you were literally just an actual child with harmless interests and not a satanist or an evil disgusting subhuman thing, and it shows.

you cannot apply modern views and beliefs to a show that is set in the eighties, especially not when it's set in conservative midwest eighties which is a whole other beast. being a socially awkward and nonconforming geek is something that people STILL get bullied for if you don't do it in a way that the majority deems "acceptable", especially if you live in a conservative, religious area.

your experiences are not universal and your inability to relate to a certain motif or story does not make it "lesser" or "bad writing."