#even when youre a queer teen in a red state

[crucified-bloodhound]

being single for almost two years (not counting the gf i had in december, ill address that later) has made me learn a lot about love.

trigger warning - mentions of sa, eating disorders, and self harm

i've learned about how i want to love. how i want to be loved. what compromise is. what communication is. i have learned from the friends that i have made into family that love is not always easy. no one is perfect and no love is perfect.

i've learned what i'm not willing to take from someone. when i asked my ex to be my girlfriend, after months of talking, i drove 45 minutes for our first in person date. she commented on my body and what i ate at dinner. she made me do things when i clearly showed and said outright i didnt want to. we cuddled in my car in the dark parking lot of her hometown shopping mall and, just a few days after i told her i wasnt ready to do more than hug and lay together and hold hands, she pressed into me and told me she had a boner. just a few days after i confided in her about my recent lapse into my old habits of body dysmorphia and hitting the gym too hard and resting too little, she squeezed the fat on my hip and stomach. i learned that i don't have to say yes. that i dont have to pressure myself in my own head to lay and wait when i want to begin the long drive home north on 76 and through the lonely streets of my city square. i learned i dont have to be quiet and wait until i am calm to share my discomfort. i learned how to stand up for myself. i learned how to see the road through the tears.

i learned what is not worth doing because of pain. i learned i dont have to hurt on the outside to validate what's on the inside, to make it real. i learned how to talk to strangers kind enough to ask, with genuine fucking care, "are you okay?" and "what's going on?" i learned that no matter how many scars i have, no matter how stupid and small i feel watching them fade, that my pain has always been real. my pain is more than "big feelings" and "crying it out." i learned that there are people who care about that pain enough to let me sit in it, still and unharmed, for as long as i need, no matter how much they wish they could just make it go away. i learned that high beams dont work in the rain.

i learned that there are good people. not people that are inherently good or above me - people that want to be good. want to do good things for people who ask or need or neither. i learned that sometimes, people just care. there's no transaction in that. no expectation, no "owing you one," no long road of penance for being treated as both fragile and strong, both big and small. i learned the joy in letting someone pass me on the four lane busy streets and seeing the good old midwest wave through the back windshield.

i learned how to give. i learned that everyone else is in pain too. i learned that it is vulnerable in the most exalting of ways to offer up your soul for the family you choose. i learnes how to comfort my friends at college missing their parents two states over or halfway across the country, even if i dread coming home to mine each day. i learned to acknowledge how hard it must be to be someone else. i learned to opem my arms when a friend comes running. i learned how to warn my passenger before we hit a bump, brake fast, gas it hard, or turn sharp.

i learned that even on the shitty days, loving is the best thing for my soul. i learned that no matter how much ive bled or been hit or touched when i didnt ask for it or stared in the mirror for too long, that my skin is worth caressing, my body worth protecting, that i'm still a virgin if i say i am, that the reflection will always be worth smiling at. i learned of mirth. of pain. of how to feel good. that my body is still mine no matter how many people tried to take a piece of it with them and no matter how young and stupid i was when i let them. i learned that love is so much more than a peck on the cheek in the morning or water after sex. i learned when to pull over to breathe.

[phantomenby]

Did you see that?

"Where the reader gets shifted to their world and search for the boys, they get all excited and run up to them being a mega simp The boys are shocked by it and next day they go to find the reader and gets them to hang out with them. After spending so much time with them every night their friendship turns into them being all romantic."

Not sure who gave me this prompt, but so sorry for taking so long <3

"So I was thinking we could go on the carousel, and then the-" you paused, looking around you, realising your friends had vanished. "Guys?"

Looking around you could make no sight of them, your height allowing you to peek over the growing crowds when slightly on your tippy toes.

"Shit"

It had been your idea to go to Santa Cruz on your trip down the west coast, wanting to see all of the shooting locations of one of your favourite moves and to enjoy the boardwalk. Your two closest friends had come with you, though they seemed a little less pleased to be in a town known for its serial killers more than anything else.

Maybe if you stayed in one spot they could come and find you.

Walking over to the edge of the pier you hopped up to sit on the railings, feeling the cold metal press into your thighs as you held onto a lamppost beside where you were sat.

Honestly, it wasn't that surprising that they had vanished, the two of them were alot more interested in the retro stalls the town had to offer than the kiddie rides you had been gushing about on the way down. Apparently a carousel being over a hundred years old and an iconic filming location meant little in comparison to a vintage skirt, or old vinyl to add to their collection.

Though as you sat there, legs swinging to thump against the metal to the beat of the jazz rock combo playing from down the boardwalk, you realised they might have just ditched you.

Shame, you were the one with the car keys after all.

Sighing you reached into your pocket, pulling out your old samsung and turning it on. 20:17. You still had a few hours left before you would head back, but you might as well call them just to be sure.

In that moment your phone buzzed, and crackled, the screen going white then dark.

"What the fuck-"

It turned back on, beaming blinding white light at you, and you turned it away as a woman in neon pants scowled at you in irritation. Looking down at the device you inspect it, expecting to find some sort of damage to the screen, but you found nothing. It was still just as battered as ever but the screen was working fine, the buttons clicking on the side.

Only, when you looked at the top, you had no signal.

Groaning you shoved it back into your pocket, hopping down to the wooden ground and kicking it in irritation.

"Just me, myself and I," looking around you sought out something to do, figuring you might as well do what you intended to and heading towards the shiny golden carousel guiding you closer like a jewel in the night.

-

The queue was unsurprisingly long, full of children and teens dressed like punks, with the occasional double denim delinquent. Honestly, everyone you had seen so far looked quite odd.

Very, eighties-ish.

Maybe the town was still stuck in the past. It wasn't uncommon in the states, heck, some people still exist like they're in the medieval era. At least here most of them looked queer and kind in nature, not unlike the outdated towns that chased out anyone that wasn't a godfearing christian.

You sought out one of the stallions, choosing a pale blue one with a fiery red and orange mane that looked like it had been done up recently.

Climbing on you noticed all the others around you were quickly taken up by one of the cliquey groups, a rather ruggish bunch who wore mostly leather and stank of cheap beer and the beach. Some even had the signature skunk hair you remembered from the movie.

Maybe a cosplay event...

Now you understood some of your friends reluctance to be here, it really was quite a strange town.

The ride began, slow vintage tinkery music sounding from above you that crackled at it moved faster. You giggled softly, trying to contain your childish behaviour as you turned your head to look out into the crowds around you, figuring now would be a good time to get a good look for your missing compadres.

A cold hand brushed over your own, rough calloused fingers pressing to yours before sliding away. Brought out of your focus you looked back, catching a glimpse of a colourful patched jacket and mischevious green eyes meeting yours before they were pulled away from you, distracted by something else.

Your eyes focused, and frozed. Your mind trying to figure out what it was seeing.

Four familiar, tall figures, stood around the chariot a few paces in front of you.

"Holy shit..." dark eyes flitted to you, only for a second.

It was them. It was them.

The lost boys. Alex Winter, Kiefer Sutherland, Billy Wirth, and Brooke Mccarter.

They must have been the greatest replicas of the boys you had ever seen, even in all of the conventions online, their faces never matched so well.

Maybe you could get a picture with them.

Watching on you observed as the opening scene was recreated, how they fought with their well known rivals, how the security guard held back "David" with his baton and thus confirming his death.

"Christ.." you hadnt' realised how aggressive it had all been in the movie, imagining the director had toned it down and made it more chaotic. It felt a little too real.

Finally the four boys slunk off the side of the ride, and it returned its spinning motion. As you went past them you held their gazes, watching as the one dressed as Paul sent you a sly wink, while David's cosplayer send something much darker your way.

Shuddering you turned away, and for the next hour you fought not to think on them anymore.

-

Another hour passed. You had ridden the carousel twice, the ferris wheel thrice and the big dipper once before you decided you hated how it made your head spin.

Now you were stumbling around, enjoying how it was alot more bearable once most of the families had cleared out for the night.

There was still no sign of your friends.

You sighed for what must have been the millionth time that night, looking around and hoping, praying, you could get one glimpse of their dumb, brightly coloured hair.

Nothing.

Not a spec nor a crumb of their presence.

Your eyes did catch sight of something of interest. Those four boys. Now perched at the start of the pier in front of a large lodge styled building, crowing at eachother like children as they rattled their bikes.

Committed to the cause I guess. It wasn't often that a cosplayer met the look to that extent, though they could just be bikers generally, those kinds of cultish cliques did manage to survive out of the 80s.

Maybe you coul-

No.

But maybe...

Surely they wouldn't mind, they must have been used to getting asked for pictures by now.

"Oh fuck it," you began walking over, trying to move as gracefully and nonchalant as possible. Hopefully you didn't look too dumb. The two dressed as Marko and Paul hooted as your approached, wide grins spreading over their faces as you neared.

Your face must have been beet red, you could feel the intense heat reaching your cheeks.

"Whats up sugar?" 'Paul' leant forward, torso bending over the front of his bike, smiling teasingly.

"Yeah babe, see something you like," 'Marko' was stood beside him, stepping towards you.

Gathering your courage you spoke, too nervous to drag the interaction out too long, "well um, I was wondering," a hand reached forward, wrapping around your arm and pulling you closer, "I-I".

"Awe cat got your tongue?" you shook the brunette away, stepping back.

"I was wondering if I could take a picture with you, I'm a huge fan of your work," finally it was out and they were looking at you rather funny, your face was growing hotter, now realising how dumb of an idea it was, "if not that's fine I just figured-"

"Sure babe, why not," it was 'David' who had spoke, standing to walk closer to you, it wasn't until you pulled out a chunk of - something - that he paused, "the hell is that-"

There was a flash and the four vampires were stunned.

By the time they had come back to themselves you had already said a quick 'thank you' before disappearing into the crowd.

"Did you see that?" Pauls voice echoed all of their thoughts, what the hell was that and who the hell are you.

-

You were ecstatic, positively buzzing as you moved through the crowds, looking over the picture and completely dismissing how bright their eyes looked.

It was perfect, you thought you'd have to go to a real event for the movie to get a pic like this.

Now just to find your friends-

Looking up from your phone you were met with a very different sight, the crowds still packed by no longer in such old clothing. Rather everyone was dressed like they were at a summer festival, with pastel crop tops and thick-soled shoes.

"The hell-" when you turned to look back at where the boys had been you were met with an empty space, a large mark on the boardwalk designating the space for disabled patrons.

Maybe you were finally going mad.

"There you are!"

You were pulled out of your thoughts by your friend's hands on your shoulders, turning you to look at them.

"What the hell dude, you were gone for hours," they looked worried, which was odd to you considering they were the ones who ditched you, "nevermind, let's go I'm more than ready to pass out for the night."

You let them drag you along, hands held tight in theirs as you retreated to the car, only one thought left on your mind.

What an odd night.

[kennexara]

so you're a geeky teenager in the early 2010s and you make a tumblr and back then everyone was always going on about supernatural, right?

so you watch supernatural. the last great american queerbait.

(you're not stupid and you're from the reddest part of your red state. the best you dared hope for in the finale was dean and cas alive and some subtle parallels between them and sam and eileen and they couldn't even do that.)

but truthfully, you had learned your lesson long ago, and you had learned it fast:

ship all the queer ships you want, rub your greedy bad bi rep hands over every character you want, but don't expect anything. don't give anyone power over what's canon in your heart.

your belief in this only grows stronger over the years, as you see it happen in fandoms you didn't go to - merlin, teen wolf, so many animated shows)

(not you legend of korra you're an angel and we're lucky to have you)

you saw it happen in ships you could not fucking understand why anyone was shipping in the first place (cough cough johnlock)

you saw it happen in the mcu again and again and wondered why nobody else seemed to learn the lesson.

it's not that there are no shows with queer relationships of course. it's just that most are very upfront about it or leave it vague enough that anyone with heteronormative lenses on doesn't pick up on it. nobody waits 7 seasons to float the idea an assumed-straight character might be bi.

you thought were prepared for star wars. so busy believing they wouldn't do a queer relationship but hey at least the resulting het relationship would be great. and then they did fucking reylo and you realized you can't even bet on the right het ships as you recall disney also wouldn't even follow through on clintasha.

so when you start watching another show tumblr's pretty hype about you don't expect nothing. like the canon relationships are great, and while you enjoy the fandom ships and queer heacanons you don't expect anything else. especially because the show has queer characters and relationships, they aren't afraid to go there they're just choosing not to with certain characters and hey, that's fine.

and then you catch up on the new season and that one supposedly straight dude IS KISSING ANOTHER DUDE WHAT THE FUCK I COULD'VE BEEN BETTING ON THIS THE WHOLE TIME I CAN'T EVEN USE CAPTAIN HOLT VINDICATION GIF BECAUSE I WAS SO SURE THIS WOULDN'T EVER HAPPEN.

[academy13]

Had a bit of a think at work today, and I think between McCarthyism and no less than THREE assassinations in less than a decade, Boomers got really fucked. Older Boomers grew up hearing Joe McCarthy's kind of insane Red Scare bullshit (semi-related to the Lavender Scare) and then when the Boomers born in 1946 Second World War turned 13 JFK was assassinated. Two years later, Malcom X. Then in 68, MLK, and two months after that RFK. Like all that, even with the younger Boomers being not even quite teens yet (my mom was 10 when Apollo 11 landed on the moon), would have a pretty big impact. And then Watergate happens. I'm not even gonna touch on the Texas Tower Shooting or Kent State (or even Jackson State, which is a similar shooting to Kent State but far less known because it happened ten days later and I think that definitely played a role in it being less known on top of the school also being historically black), because we all know mass shootings make an impact, just more so then than now because we're so damned used to them.

But basically, three decades and a lot of shit happens in the US that Boomers are around for, I mean we know RFK Jr is seriously messed up and he's literally related to two of the assassinated people. And then AIDS happens, and a lot of people who may have been able to help out now, die because one, trying to figure out how to treat a new disease, as we know very well by now, is really freaking hard, and a lot of people are being sort of homophobic and hoping it kills off all the queers without realizing that diseases don't really give a fuck about your gender or sexuality, it's just gonna do what it does.

So that's McCarthy's rhetoric, like four assinations that I'm aware of, three school shootings, Watergate, the AIDS Crisis, and that's only 4 decades. Younger Boomers didn't get McCarthy first hand, but the after was part of their world growing up.

I'm just saying, much like us, they had a lot of shit happen, we just had it all happen in a much shorter time frame. And a lot of the leadership they would have had right now, the people who would've been better at handling this absolute shit show, got fucking killed because Ronald Regan wouldn't admit AIDS was a fucking problem.

And this is just the US mind you, so I think the Boomers who survived, are a little more messed up than they're willing to admit, especially the old fucks in charge of shit they shouldn't be in charge of, got really scared by the things that happened when they were growing up and as they came of age. I personally think they're scared of being irrelevant, they want it the way it was when they were kids because its comfortable and less scary than the change they lived through was, even if some of their own parents or leaders didn't completely like it. But those people were smart enough to see the next generation stepping up to the plate and see that 'oh hey lets listen to the majority of people'. Of course though, that made Evangelicals uncomfy, but what doesn't? They'd clutch their pearls if you showed them the most Hayes Code approved movie.

In short, we're sitting here in this period of time in US history because one of the largest demographics in history decided fucking over everyone was more important than the other some-odd BILLON people on the planet (by the way, a century ago the world's population was 2 billion people, it steadily increased over the 20th century, currently there are 8 billion people on the planet. So when the 60s hit, the number hit 3 billion, of which a substantial chunk was the Boomers)

[amuseoffyre]

Since I got v. little sleep last night and I am have been hit in the feels by Emotions, I need to take a moment to talk about To Wong Foo Thanks For Everything, Julie Newmar.

I will take this moment to say yes, the film is very much of its time and aspects of it have aged badly, but in the context of when it was made, it was ground-breaking, especially in the USA where the criminalisation of homosexuality was still in place in a lot of states. It took me seeing a gifset of it this morning to bring home exactly what that film did for me when I was a little baby queer.

The year is 1996. Section 28 is in full swing in the UK, banning all reference to queer stuff in education. Lil Fyre is mid-teens and living in a very religious family in a very socially conservative town where pretty much everyone is beige and only the very brave present as anything other than cishet. We didn't even have visible Goths until about 2004 because violence. I didn't even know what "gay" was, despite being friends with the most flamboyant and only openly gay person in my school to my parents bewildered dismay (queers find queers, what can I say?). Yeah. Fun place to grow up.

So to say that I was a bit... isolated was an understatement. At this point, all I knew was that my world was entire cishet and entirely functioning in a specific way. You can imagine what that did to the brain of a lil neurodivergent baby queer who was trying and trying and trying to fit into this nice neat round hole of expectation while being a trapezoid.

Occasionally I would go and have a sleepover at a friend's house. We did it a load of times, but only one weekend really really stands out to me and that was the weekend she asked if I would watch drag films. I had no idea what those were (for obvious reasons) and just said yes, because I didn't want to seem stupid.

That weekend, my little baby queer eyes were shown a world I didn't even know existed and 25 years on, I am now crying over it. For some reason it hit me hard today (possibly the insomnia, possibly all my feels are a bit raw from current fandom) and I spent an hour sobbing over my breakfast.

It let me see that hey, it's okay not to fit into that round hole. Yes, it is possible to change your presentation and feel gender euphoria and to be able to look in the mirror and smile like Vida did. We won't deny it will be hard, but you can and will find friends, good friends and true friends who accept you are *you* and not as the world tells you to be. The scene between Vida and Carol Ann, the "I guess I just have a lady friend who has an adam's apple" is just... yes. You are my friend and I accept you as you and god, I needed to see something like that.

For someone who didn't know where they fit in - and took a good number more years to work things out plus whoop, look you are officially very neurodivergent have medication - just seeing that there were other possibilities, other places and people and alternatives to the pressing weight of "get married and have babies like a good little Christian" was absolutely staggering.

Yes, the film has flaws. Yes, it has not aged well. But in that time and in that place, when we didn't have anything like it, Carol Ann  (as well as the other towns folk) showing up in that red dress to support Vida, embracing her, accepting her and calling her “my friend”? That stays with you.

[olderthannetfic]

No hard feelings if this is asking for tmi and you don't want to share, but do you think your sex positivity as an early teen was purely the result of a more open minded environment, or did you ever consider yourself to be hypersexual?

I am struggling to wrap my mind around the childhood you have described. I went to public school in the central valley. It's a red area but my sports team traveled to private schools all over the state for competitions. All the wealthy parts of California seemed very conservative and Christian to me.

I was horny at that age too, but I don't think I would've wanted actual sex, even if my environment was not quite so conservative. I was too worried about pregnancy and STDs. By 16, the furthest most people had gone within my peer group was outercourse. (At least, as far as I knew. I also was not very popular and probably did not get all the gossip.)

However the only girls who went further than that, or at least openly talked about going further than that, were from troubled homes. They always seemed like they were getting pressured into the things they were doing.

I believe you had a healthy childhood. I'm not trying to insinuate anything and I know you are tired of people suggesting this. I'm just struggling to comprehend the upbringing that you're describing. If I had even attempted to get a vibrator at that age, I'm pretty sure I would've been bullied to hell.

How in the world were you getting sex books and toys at 14? If your parents were in on it, how did they not get bullied by other parents?

--

I got most of my teen health books (which included sex advice) from my parents friends as presents. No, other adults would not have bullied them.

Have you ever seen Call Me By Your Name, anon? I'm vastly less European than the vibe there, but those intellectuals reading books aloud and pretending they can't see their hapless offspring trying to figure out life remind me of the adults I grew up with.

The sex toys I mostly got when I was a little older. I'm probably exaggerating to think I had them at 14 rather than 16. (I'm old. Things blur together.) But if one looked old enough, one could buy them plenty of places. Good Vibrations was my go-to later, but some of the sketchier places were closer by and not at all discerning about clientelle. Books were easy: I just walked into any one of the many, many odd little bookstores around here and went poking around the queer or sexuality sections. Some stuff I found in the library. Bookstores don't card people.

I really cannot emphasize enough how much difference it makes to be geographically near weird indie bookstores with alternative sexuality sections. Not only was I able to buy, but I could lurk in the aisles, reading things in the store. (Unnecessary in my case, but a godsend if you don't want your parents catching you with something at home.)

It was at these bookstores that I bought Anything That Moves, a bisexual magazine that ran during basically my entire adolescence and no other time. Reading queer community papers certainly does something for one's outlook. This particular magazine was especially interesting in that the 90s queer landscape was very much oriented towards cis gay men and cis lesbians, and not only was the magazine specifically about bisexuality, our own rights struggles, and our culture, but it was also very trans-friendly.

On the subject of schools, private schools, broadly, come in three types: Catholic, for rich people so they don't have to associate with the poor, and for the ~gifted~. All can be expensive and full of rich people, but the last of the three tends to be a lot more liberal than the other two. Also, a lot of them suck at sports.

But to answer your question... hmm... I don't think I was hypersexual. I was on the horny little gremlin end of teens, certainly, but I wasn't such an outlier that I see it as pathological. I definitely stood out from my classmates though, and I chalk it up to early unfettered access to Usenet.

At the time, the internet tended to be full of academics and tech industry people from a few parts of the US, from the Netherlands, and from a couple of other countries. (No, really, I knew a bajillion randos from the Netherlands.) Many countries seemed to barely be online in the early 90s. It was very unevently distributed, even compared to now.

So Usenet was full of adults who felt themselves to be in relatively homogeneous, friendly, ephemeral spaces (little did we know about later archives of posts) and who wanted to discuss BDSM, bisexuality, and other sex and identity things. I didn't interact that much, but I was lurking in the kinds of spaces people usually try to keep minors out of.

I doubt I was that much hornier than other classmates, but I was vastly kinkier, especially in fiction tastes, and much more self-aware about that. Because my tastes were weird, I kept seeking out spaces with adults discussing kink. I also sought out a lot of freaky art.

My mom actually wasn't at all supportive of BDSM. She thought that kind of taste came from a background of abuse (which I know because she made weird comments when she saw me reading a book about BDSM safety), but it didn't matter because I was secure enough and had enough exposure to kinky adults to not be freaked out by Mom being wrong. I just thought it was embarrassing for her that she was so ignorant.

When I say I was online and unsupervised on the old internet, I think some people imagine a lot of gore spam and scary porn I wasn't ready for and old people creeping on me... But Usenet of that era was awash with FAQs by overly earnest adults pontificating about their special interests. How my tumblr sounds now is a lot more similar to that environment than most horror stories about internet porn.

Here's an example of some tl;dr overly earnest types in 2010 trying to document the history of fantasy necrophilia sites online. These people were definitely pedantic Usenet nerds 15 years before this.

Here's a 2001 version of the soc.bi FAQ. This is such a microcosm of what internet culture looked like in the late 90s/early 00s prior to everyone leaving Usenet and mailing lists for Livejournal and such.

muffin: A person who reads but has never posted to soc.bi. De-muffining means posting to soc.bi for the first time, hence no longer being a muffin.

Oh my god! I'd forgotten about 'muffin'!

Anyway, the big thing to notice here is that whether it's freaky fetish porn or factual info about orientations, everyone is extremely earnest, likes answering nosy questions endlessly, and is actively engaged in recording the history of their own communities and compiling lists of resources and where to find things.

It's culturally the opposite of, say, tiktok, where the algorithm serves you up what it thinks you should see and everyone is stewing in learned helplessness.

So it was partly a stable, sex-positive, supportive family. It was partly access to other adults' writing. And a decent chunk of it was that I had some pretty dark fantasies, so it was natural for me to actively confront what those do and do not mean in a way that a more vanilla teenager wouldn't have needed to.

I wasn't hypersexual, but I was born kinky, and it did make a difference.

[phoenixyfriend]

The Naruto/Frozen Crossover

So I was planning on just doing an image ID thing for this post, but apparently the formatting on desktop is such a mess that it’s easier to just make a new post that’s text only. I can also like. Bulletpoint it so that it can be a little neater. All ideas were made with @firebirdeternal​‘s help, because they are the most efficient enabler I have.

Also I added some bits at the end.

Under a cut, because it’s Long As Heck.

I originally had two options: either Mid-teens Elsa and Anna being transported to ninja land sometime pre-canon and running into Haku and Zabuza... or just like. Born as a Daimyou's daughters.

Spoiler alert, we’ve got nukenin and I’m a sucker for an intrusive crossover, so transported to ninja land it is.

Suggestion from Birdie:

Mechanism for crossover: Elsa ices over a Wishing Well by accident after having Wished for someone else who understood her, Anna and her fall in and get Ice Mirror Portaled to Ninjaland, falling out of an iced over pond near a shrine that Haku recently prayed at for similar lonely child reasons?

Which I like! They don’t end up there soon enough to run into Haku, because I want a dramatic chase first, but I like it.

Obviously, Anna is forced to learn about Elsa's powers because it's the only thing keeping them safe

Or at least alive

(Elsa will do ANYTHING to keep Anna safe, and if that means she has to get her hands dirty...)

...neither of them knows Japanese, so, you know. There’s that.

I'm thinking that they end up in/near Kiri at first

And they aren't FAST ENOUGH to get away so Elsa panic-enchants a giant reindeer made of snow to run away across the suddenly-frozen ocean.

She and Anna have to ride and Elsa is probably crying the whole time.

Oh shit this is like. RIGHT after their parents die, I forgot. So that’s a thing! They are in mourning and all that fun stuff.

Point is, they use the powers for a Self Defense thing and BBY Haku is just !!! "Master can we rescue them for Ice Cousin reasons?" Zabuza: Yes, and only for those practical reasons and not because I collect endangered children like people collect pokemon cards.

I imagine that maybe they track rumors of a Yuki-onna down, or the Giant Snow Reindeer rides by and Haku’s just like Wat

The girls just tag along with Zabuza because. Like.

Do they like him? No. Do they trust him? No. Do they enjoy the fact that he considers them pathetic civilians? No.

However, Haku is Baby.

Zabuza is REALLY annoyed at them being Useless Civilian Royals “but Haku likes them so I guess they can stay.”

Age at meeting, three years pre-canon:

Zabuza - 23

Elsa - 18

Anna - 15

Haku - 12

Elsa is 90% anxiety/depression master combo BUT if Zabzua protects her then she's WILDLY dangerous so like. Whatever

Elsa's bingo book nickname options, uninspired:

Winter Witch

Winter Queen

Ice Queen

Snow Queen

Something about a Yuki-Onna maybe

She's Very Stately and kinda breakable but Winter is her Bitch

I mean like, the fact that, if protected, she can shut down the agriculture of a fucking country? That's an S-rank even if she's not that useful in a fight.

She's like. Jinchuuriki-level destruction. Generally speaking she wouldn’t. But she could.

Elsa: What the fuck is a chakra? Elsa: my snow monsters are self-sustaining. Elsa: I'm gonna build us a house.

Zabuza has NO idea how her powers work and it is INCREDIBLY frustrating but “there’s no chakra cost to keep these things going and we have shelters on demand” is too convenient to question after a while.

Haku: Delicate, deadly, incredibly fast ninja work. Elsa: I can't dodge a kunai but watch me wreck your entire country's ecosystem in under a day.

Elsa is a siege weapon.

Meanwhile, Anna is really, really into the physicality of ninja practice.

She's clumsy and she's not very good at ninja stuff, but she sure is determined!

Anna also gets on Zabuza's nerves because she keeps insisting that Haku get to be a kid.

Anna: Let's make flower crowns! Zabuza: No, he needs to train, not- Anna: FLOWER CROWNS

Consider: Haku saying Elsa-nee-sama and Anna-hime.

Or just calling Elsa “onee-sama.”

Anna is also younger than Elsa and way more Fun so she probably gets adjusted to Anna-chan or Nee-chan.

If Zabuza calls Elsa “Hime-chan” or “Elsa-hime” or, Sage forbid, “Elsa-sama/dono” then he’s VERY MUCH making fun of her and he’s probably getting his soup frozen that night.

At one point, Elsa... tries to like. Convince herself to have a crush on Zabuza or Kakashi or something until Zabuza just puts a hand on her shoulder and asks "do you even like men?" "...that's an OPTION?"

Zabuza urging her to try and ask out a Cute Kunoichi and Elsa's like.... I can't decide if she's bright red and a useless lesbian or uncomfortable and ace.

I am SO invested in the siege weapon thing.

SHE IS THE SQUISHIEST WIZARD.

It's not her fault that every single other combatant on the continent is Massively Dangerous in melee! She took a very traditional back-line build!

Enemy: Doesn't it GRATE to protect someone so pathetic, Zabuza? Zabuza: She literally froze an entire castle of enemies to death because they harmed her sister, so. No.

Most Ninjas: Sharp Knife. S-Rank Mega Ninjas: Gun. Elsa: High Yield Explosive Rocket Launcher. Literally loses fights to the Knife People, because she can't bring her power to bear on that scale. But if you can give her Time and Prep? No contest.

Long distance AoE

Like  you know how Nagato is literally dying of starvation due to illness and can't walk, but he's also capable of leveling powerful villages more or less on his own?

Elsa is the same Vibe.

It’s like sealing a bijuu in a civilian.

She's honestly both more and less powerful? Like it'd be hard for her to kill everyone in Konoha in the snap of a finger? But also, she could starve out the Country of Fire in a summer.

She WOULDN'T, but she could.

I always read Elsa as gay or ace but my brain keeps trying to ship her with dude ninjas and I have to yank it back on a child leash.

People insinuate that Zabuza is interested in Elsa and he's just "What? Ew she's like five."

"I'm eighteen."

"Five."

BUT

Elsa! Might mistake trust and companionship for a crush!

I can see THAT happening despite gay/ace.

Also like. I don’t think Zabuza is straight.

So mlm/wlw solidarity?

And Haku is probs genderqueer.

So Anna is THE TOKEN STRAIGHT.

Anna is like, the Straight Friend who will go to the mat for her queer friends. Like vicious. In-your-face barking like a mean dog at people who were being bigots.

You know how Elsa in the second movie uses her powers to make toys for kids out of ice?

Okay, so her practicing by making things with Haku.

But yeah, Elsa can't really do "throws ice senbon," but she can do Delicate Geometry Things since she apparently, canonically studies math for fun and loves fractals.

Haku: I can trap you in a prison of ice mirrors, and you are at my mercy. Elsa: LOOK AT THIS CASTLE I MADE???

Haku wants to do Pretty Things like Elsa

OH.

Elsa makes... snow bunnies..

For the ninja distraction reasons but also because it's a Soft Thing that makes her feel better about, uh, everything. And Haku likes bunnies.

Zabuza still takes The Dirty Missions but Elsa gets upset when he does something that hurts innocents and Nobody wants Elsa upset. Even Zabuza doesn't want Elsa upset.

When Elsa gets upset, overnight accommodations are suddenly Very Uncomfortable for everyone except her and Haku.

And then Anna gets upset, which makes Elsa even MORE upset.

And then things just keep getting colder.

Zabuza doesn't want Elsa upset for many reasons, not limited to: "Is actually capable of killing me from outside of Sword Range if she's mad enough, even if it’s not that easy" and "the Small Children would be unbearably sad if she died and honestly so might I."

She's more of a friend than a ward and he's not entirely sure he's okay with that.

Zabuza: "Ew, friendship."

He has absolutely no idea how to have a social interaction with people he isn't Bullying, Raising, or Threatening to Kill.

Elsa and Anna have no trouble convincing people they're related, at least. Different coloration with almost identical bone structure.

A tendency to burst into song when they feel emotions.

Identical weird accent that nobody can place.

FOOD

The girls are royalty, they don't know how to COOK.

But they also want food from HOME.

It's a lot of trial and error.

More error than not, since they have both no knowledge and also a language barrier to overcome. It probably takes YEARS before they can describe things like Unfamiliar Flavors well enough for people to say "OH that sounds like spearmint."

When they run into something they know that’s familiar, it’s life-changing.

Chocolate is more common in the elemental nations than in Arandelle and Anna may or may not cry about it.

Anna is loudly bossy, even at Zabuza.

Zabuza is gruffly commanding, to everyone.

Elsa doesn't actually like being in charge, but when she talks, people LISTEN.

(Haku is just happy to be here.)

Elsa radiates two things: Anxiety, and Natural Command, and she basically just fluctuates between those.

"I don't want to be in charge but also I'm vetoing this."

So, obviously, the main reasons that Zabuza keeps the girls around is that Elsa is a living siege weapon and he thinks she could be convinced to help him run a revolution in Kiri, and also that the Ice Queen schtick is like. Really good for Haku and Zabuza can’t really say no to the kid.

HOWEVER, Anna is clumsy and messy and all that, so Zabuza starts training her in Ninja stuff. Elsa joins in on the “I need to know how to Run Fast to get away from fights I don’t want to have in the first place,” but Anna’s the one that’s like “TEACH ME HOW TO SWORD.”

It’s honestly not that hard to teach her, she’s just really, really, REALLY enthusiastic.

Once or twice someone asks why she’s so bad at this yet running around with an A-rank nukenin and Zabuza’s just like “I’ve only had her for a year and a half, shut up!” because it’s not that he’s a bad teacher, it’s that she was a very pampered civilian until like a week before he met her.

He should get a MEDAL for even getting her to low Chuunin.

Zabuza: I'm taking a job from Gato Elsa, who has Training in economics and politics and bureaucracy: I have a better idea.

This is actually not entirely what I’d do but I wanted to make the joke first ANYWAY here’s an actual plot or something.

Oh, also by this point everyone is Canon Ages so Elsa’s 21 and Anna’s 18 and Zabuza’s 26 and Haku’s 15.

Elsa is getting paid to keep the water from interfering with construction, by way of....

ICE COFFERDAM

Elsa with Haku as her Guard while Zabuza is off running his own mission? Which Anna begged to go on because Cool.

Elsa also kind of keeps her involvement on the ice front semi-secret by claiming she’s there as an engineering consultant.

LISTEN canon made her like geometry, I can ENTIRELY believe she’d be excited about the bridge-building.

Gato has hired someone else on the danger level of Zabuza, who is Threatening to Team 7 + Haku? But then when things look bleak Anna and Zabuza arrive and then Scary Sword Man is on our side and oh dear that's a lot of blood.

Which, you know, fun!

Birdie suggested Raiga which I’m not feeling but I do feel the need to bring up as an option.

It’s also not Kisame BUT

Kisame: [giant lake dome filled with sharks]

Elsa: uhhhhhhhhhhh...

Giant lake dome: [is now a giant ice dome]

Anyway

Gato: I'm hiring an army. Elsa: [giant ice wall around his compound] Gato: ... these guys can walk up walls! Elsa: [adds snowman guards] Elsa: ... Elsa: [adds a ceiling]

Just puts Gato's entire mob in a fucking snow globe.

Zabuza shows up twenty minutes late with (Throwing) Star(buck)s just like "Oh, they dead? No? Want 'em to be? Okay cool I'm gonna go pick up Haku, I'll be back in like an hour."

Anna would... LOVE Naruto

ENERGETIC FRIENDLY GOOFBALL

"I found us a baby brother!" "No, we already have Haku." "BUT LOOK AT HIM."

Anna is only a year or two older than Itachi.

OH RIGHT

I wanted to make a joke about how Naruto also vibes with her because he's less judgmental that she can't really... talk properly.

Sasuke is Judgy and Kakashi is Paranoid and Sakura is Uncomfortable.

Meanwhile Naruto is just like "And I Shall Scream."

Anna, who learned Japanese from Zabuza (rude) and Haku (uber polite): WELL FUCK YOU, GOOD SIR Naruto: YEAH WELL FUCK YOU TOO, LADY Elsa, overly formal: I am... so very sorry.

Anyway, generic missing nin fights and all that.

Elsa gets injured in the process and after a variety of arguments, Naruto manages to convince them to take her to Konoha for medical attention.

Elsa is... usually the one getting injured.

Zabuza and Haku are FAST and Anna is at least learning (even if she’s only been doing it for three years), but Elsa is The Squishy Wizard.

If someone throws a kunai... she can’t... really dodge...

So yeah, gut wound.

Normally they find a nukenin medic to patch them up but Konoha is reasonably close and has some of the more skilled medics on the continent and they DID technically help the Konoha nin so like. Gah.

That’s Zabuza’s final thought. Gah.

Just “Fuck it, let’s save the ice queen.”

Elsa ends up in a half-literal-ice stasis state on the way there and it’s happened before (it is not the first time she’s been stabbed), but it’s always terrifying.

Especially to the Konoha genin who are just like WHAT THE HECK IS THAT.

So they get to Konoha, there’s a whole bunch of stuff about extradition treaties and “you are bringing a literal WMD of a woman into our town” and “we can’t just let MOMOCHI ZABUZA in.”

Anyway, it ends up being that Zabuza has to wait outside the village while Elsa is treated inside, and one of the Teenagers goes in. Obviously, it’s Anna, because Zabuza is INCREDIBLY UNCOMFORTABLE with letting Haku enter a village that’s known for having lots of bloodlines, and anyway, Anna’s the sister.

Bunch of stuff, she’s healing, etc, and then one day Anna comes in and is told “your sister had a bad reaction to the anesthetic, we couldn’t save her, I’m sorry, she’s gone.”

She flips out, gets shown the corpse, flips out MORE, gets escorted out to the village walls where Zabuza and Haku are waiting.

Horrified reactions

Zabuza doesn’t want to admit that it’s EMOTIONS because this is his FRIEND, he is clearly just upset about losing the living siege weapon.

Haku is just super confused and goes “But she’s not dead.”

“What.”

“She’s not dead, I can feel her, I can always feel her, it’s like sensing but just her, because we’re both ice. She’s alive, somewhere over... there?”

And points right in the direction of the Hokage Mountain, which for the purposes of this fic and also Drama is where ROOT headquarters is.

YEP we absolutely have that plot point.

Is Danzo overused as a plot device? Probably. Am I going to diabolus ex machina him anyway? Ye.

They kick up enough of a fuss that the Hokage gets called down.

He wouldn’t, normally, he’d leave it to a couple of skilled jounin and call it a day, except Naruto got involved so like. You can’t. Ignore that.

There’s lots of shouting.

Just like. A lot.

And then part of the mountain explodes!

AS ONE DOES

Elsa comes flying backwards out of the hole, catches herself on a spontaneous ice slide, gets to her feet.

Girl is swaying like MAD.

There are absolutely ANBU (both fake and real) coming after her.

At least one of them gets speared through by an ice spike.

Anna runs up to her, tries to hug her, gets batted away.

Elsa’s staring at her in sheer TERROR and starts muttering something about how Anna died years ago, this isn’t real, etc.

Nobody except Anna understands most of it, but Haku picks up enough to translate when Anna’s freaking out.

Elsa starts doing her Ice Castle thing in the middle of Konoha as a coping mechanism, mostly so she can get Up and Away and Shielded By Ice.

This is not a good look.

Especially because she’s singing, which Zabuza always thinks is a bad omen because it means shit is getting real and one or both of the girls are about to get a powerup or be beaten even harder than otherwise. When they start singing, things get More Dramatic And Extreme).

(Zabuza does not like Disney Musical Rules)

Danzo shows up.

There’s a bunch of arguing.

All the medics insist that nothing she was given at the hospital should have caused amnesia, psychosis, hallucinations, delusions, etc.

It’s. Not hard for Hiruzen to guess what happened.

Namely that Danzo, upon finding out that chakra dampeners didn’t do shit since none of Elsa’s powers come from chakra, decided to keep her drugged up and start using genjutsu to make her more malleable.

Because like. An injured WMD just showed up in your village. What are you supposed to do, not try to kidnap her and turn her to your side? Like, come on. What was he supposed to do?

Not that, Danzo. Literally Not That.

IDK how it gets resolved, probably Anna getting to her with the power of love, because Elsa is ultimately Super Disney.

I also don’t really know where to go from there other than “Maybe Jiraiya can get you home, but also I’m pretty sure Zabuza wants you all to get the hell out of here and take over Kiri” but who knows.

Also

IMAGINE ELSA MEETING GAI.

Imagine Ino getting a puppy crush on Elsa.

IDK that’s it for now.

[rae-is-typing]

kicked out

Description: You’re a part of the LGBTQ+ community, but your mother is a part of a religion that hates the LGBTQ+ community. You come out and she kicks you out. Tony helps. 

Characters: reader, reader’s mother, Tony Stark, mention of Peter Parker

Reader is gender neutral!

Warnings: homophobia, transphobia, general hate towards those in the LGBTQ+ community, intense bigotry, being kicked out, anxiety attack

Disclaimers: This one shot is not meant to be one about hating religion. This piece was loosely based on my own internal struggle with myself and the religion I was raised in. I’ve also never dealt with direct backlash because of my identity. I’m not out yet and I have no desire to be out yet. This is the worst case scenario I would be facing if I did come out.

I tried to make the religion and the identity as ambiguous as possible to make it a little more universal, but this one shot definitely points to the identity being gay, queer, bi, or pan, so I’m sorry I didn’t make it anymore neutral.

If you have a problem with this fic or the way it was written, I urge you to message me. We can have a conversation about where I went wrong and how I can learn from the experience and do better in the future.

Word count: 2k

The Avengers love you, plain and simple. How could they not grow to love the adorable teen they let into their unconventional family? (If Tony had his way, he would legally adopt you in a heartbeat.) Unfortunately for Tony, you had a mom. She was a pretty good one, she fed you, clothed you and supported you in most things you did. You moved to New York together when your father died. Your mother was also very religious. You were born and raised in the church your mother and father were raised in. You never had a problem with it; the people were amazing, the community was like a big family, you grew up with all the youth, and, most importantly, felt loved and safe. You rallied together against what they claimed to be of the devil. That included people in the LGBT+ community. When you grew up, you realized how you truly feel about people of your sex, and how you feel about people of the same sex. It started slowly. You began to accept that part of yourself when you met someone like you. He was nice, compassionate, accepting of others and helped everyone he could. He was one of the best people you’ve ever met. He was nothing like what you’re mother and religion told you LGBTQ+ people were like. What had really convinced you that the LGBTQ+ are real people was when one of your closest friends came out. You accepted them, they were not only in the same boat as you (not that you were ready to tell anyone), they were one of you. But not everyone thought so. You saw it whenever you went to church and they were at the meetings. It didn’t make sense to you. They were one of you, right? So they got a pass. Apparently not. You knew through the disappointed and judgemental eyes burning with disgust. It made you sick and only further solidified your resolve to stay in the closet. You soon learned it was easier said than done. Whenever you wanted to avoid the rallies, you chickened out and went, too afraid to disappoint your friends and mother. You always stuck to the standards and tried to be the perfect child your mother always wanted. It was exhausting. Admittedly, you saw the difference between your congregation, and the Avengers when you first met them. They were the first people you could truly be yourself with. As cheesy as it sounds, it was evident. They encouraged your individuality and loved you because of your personality and your abilities. 

You could talk to them, and you did. You told Peter first. He hugged you and told you that he’s bisexual and hasn’t come out to May yet. 

You told Tony about yourself a week later. He smiled at you, wrapped an arm around you and told you he was proud of you for discovering yourself and beginning to accept that part of you. It was something you didn’t expect, not that it wasn’t welcome. You were on top of the world for a couple weeks, thankful that some of the most important people in your life loved you still. But as of late, your thoughts about yourself have been killing your spirit. You were so tired of pretending. The toll it took on you was obvious to everyone that didn’t know you as the perfect sheep. The people that were worried the most were the Avengers. You were at the tower a lot more than usual, not that they were complaining. It was just odd. You hesitated when they asked you simple questions, spaced out a lot more, ate less and claimed you felt sick almost every other day. They’d share concerned glances and tried to talk with you, but you’d brush it off and used school, drama or headaches to excuse your strange behaviour. It worked- for a while. Then you stopped going to the tower completely. It wasn’t your fault. Your mother heard you say one positive thing about the LGBTQ+ community and freaked out. She went off saying that it was the Avengers corrupting you and that she never should have let you take the Stark internship in the first place, and so much more. You had never heard her yell so much in your life, it was terrifying. She stopped letting you go out, you were only allowed to go to School and Church, took away all forms of technology and outside communication. 

You were going crazy, there was no way you could keep living like this. So, you told her. You finally told her what you are, how you felt and why she shouldn’t make decisions for you when you were perfectly capable of making them yourself. You had waited a couple weeks, so you thought she’d be more level headed. But, you were wrong. She freaked out more than before. 

You knew for a fact that it was worse than before because she kicked you out.

You were shocked, confused and most of all hurt. You’re a part of the LGBTQ+ community, but she was still your mother. 

“What?” You asked, confusion lacing you voice. 

“You heard me, get out. Get out of my house.” Your mom stated firmly, disgust obvious in her voice. 

“You can’t do this, I’m your child!”

“Not anymore. You have until I get back, get you stuff and get out!” She shouted, walking out and slamming the door. 

You sat on the couch until her words sank in. Your mother is kicking you out.  

I’m homeless now. Where am I going to go? What am I going to tell my friends, what am I going to tell Peter? What am I going to tell Tony? What am I going to do? I can’t do it on my own. I can’t do it. I can’t… 

Your breathing sped up, your heart races, and waves of nausea hit you hard.

Nevertheless, you got up and searched for your phone. As soon as you found it, you eagerly dialled in his personal number and called. He didn’t answer. You wanted to cry, you tried again with no answer. You plugged in your phone, put your head in your hands and sobbed. 

Moments later, your phone rang. It was Tony. 

“Tony,” You breathed out. 

“Y/N! Where’ve you been, kid? It’s not as fun here without you.” His tone was light and relieved now that he could talk to you and make sure you’re okay.

“Tony, my mom, she- I- I wouldn’t have called if I had another option, I’m sorry, it’s just-”

“Whoa, hey, slow down and take a deep breath, Y/N.” His tone changed from fun to concerned in an instant. “What happened with your mom?”

“I-I told- I told her about me and that- that I- and she- Tony I can’t- she- I don’t-” You’re crying hard, unable to form coherent sentences and unable to breathe properly. 

“Y/N, where are you?” Tony asked.

“H-home.” 

“I’m coming over, stay on the line with me sweetheart, can you do that?”

“Ye-eah.”

As promised, you didn’t hang up until Tony was standing in front of you- Iron Man suit and all. He immediately pulled you in his arms when he got the suit off and began to calm you down.

“Can you tell me what happened now, kid?”

“She kicked me out.” You spoke into his chest. 

“She what?” Tony growled. How could a mother be so cruel? Anger flooded his veins, how could someone turn away from their child for simply being honest with themselves?

“I’m sorry, I wouldn’t have called you if I had any other option. Please don’t be mad, I’m so sorry.” You bury your face in his chest, wanting this day to be a bad dream. 

“It’s good you called me, Y/N. I’m not mad, not at you.” Tony held you in his arms, cradling your head against his chest and rubbing an arm up and down your back. There’s no hesitation, he knows that he needs to be there for you. “You’re staying with me.” 

“W-what?” 

“My dear, you are coming back to the tower. You will be sleeping, eating, doing your homework, socializing, and living with me and the rest of us at my tower. Okay?”

You can only nod, too overwhelmed to speak while clutching the back of Tony’s shirt like it was the only thing that was keeping you alive. He kept rubbing your back and letting you cry into his chest. Right now, his comfort doesn’t matter to him, not when his kid is crying in his arms.

It seems, though, that he’s the only one that heard the door begin to open. 

Tony grips your forearm and steps in front of you. Your mother opens the door with puffy red eyes and dried tears on her face. She looks genuinely sad for what she had to do, but that look of sadness dissipates when she sees Tony and you standing in her living room. 

“What are you doing here?” She hisses. “What is that doing here?" 

"Y/N, go to your room and pack what you want to take.” Tony’s voice is even and strong. You hesitate, tears still streaming down your face, fingers still clutching Tony’s clothes like you were a toddler hiding from another adult. “Y/N, now.”

You turn briskly, running down the small hallway and into your room. You lock the door, rip your suitcase from your closet and stuff all of your sentimental items first before your favorite clothes. 

Their voices are easily heard through the thin apartment walls. You hear Tony defending you and your mom berating you. 

“That thing is not my child. I did not raise a sinner!”

“Y/N is a human being with a name that you gave them. You are their mother, mothers are supposed to love their children, not throw them out like yesterday’s garbage.”

You’ve never heard Tony this angry. 

I shouldn’t have called him, he’s mad, she’s mad, I made her mad, she hates me she hates she hates me she hates me

You grabbed a pillow and cried in earnest into it, managing to cover your ears as well as your mouth to muffle your sobs and the voices coming through the walls.

A knock at your door makes you jump and hold your breath. 

“Y/N, it’s me. Are you ready to go?” Tony says. You can hear the anger that was in his voice, even if he’s trying to stay as calm as he can for you. 

“Yeah,” you croak, wiping your face. You grab the bag and open the door. Tony is shaking with fury, but he wraps an arm around you and walks you to the living room. Your mother says nothing to you as she sits on the couch with a prideful look on her face. “We’re flying back to the tower so I need you to hold on tightly and do not let go under any circumstances.” 

You nod at the instructions and Tony suits up. The quiet mechanical sounds are music to your ears. He places an arm on the middle of your back and hooks one under your knees. He hoists you up easily, the bag resting your chest and held tightly by you. 

Tony flies slower and lower than usual, keeping you in mind. You have one arm around his neck and the other holding the bag to your chest. He lands on a balcony to one of the top floors and carries you inside. Placing you on the ground with care, he holds your shoulders and assures himself you’re stable. He takes off the suit and walks you to a room. 

“You can stay here for now. I’ll talk with Pepper and the team about what happened. I’ll only tell them that you’re staying for awhile. You can tell them the other news when you’re ready.”

You nod. He closes the door and you sit on the bed, staring at the wall. 

A feeling of deep longing grows in your chest, along with feelings of rejection and pain. Your head drops to your hands and all you can do is cry.

[saqrqa3d]

I had a sobering conversation with a fellow Muslim mom yesterday on the topic of Muslim teenagers falling into homosexuality.

We had been talking about our eldest sons and how they are both fast approaching adolescence, with her eldest son being 11 and mine almost 9. We were both reflecting on how it feels like the kids had just zoomed through their first decade of life so fast, and were now on the cusp of the dreaded teenage years. As they say, "the days are long but the years are short."

I said, "We are moving into new territory with a new set of challenges. It used to be the challenge of constantly changing diapers, daily nap wars, toddler temper tantrums and fights with siblings over toys. Soon inshaAllah, it will be talks about driving safe, hanging out with good friends who don't smoke or do drugs or curse, not getting addicted to video games, and being careful with the opposite gender."

"Or...the same gender," my friend said. "That LGBT stuff is happening in the Muslim community too. Just most Muslim parents have no idea what their kids are up to."

My friend told me about a case she had recently stumbled upon: two Muslim girls from very religious practicing Muslim families who came out as lesbian lovers. These two girls had been a couple for a while right under their parents' noses, way before anyone noticed anything.

They had both been born to very practicing Muslim families in a large American city with a big Muslim community. Both girls grew up praying five times a day, wearing hijab, going to Islamic school. One girl was even homeschooled by her mom for the four years of high school in Saudi Arabia, where the family had relocated to try to live in a wholesome Muslim country. Both girls had memorized a good portion of Quran and had teachers they would recite to daily.

But they still became lesbian as teenagers, a couple years after they first met and became friends. Then it escalated into something else.

One girl had always been a bit of a tomboy, wearing oversized hoodies and cargo pants with her hijab instead of the abaya. The other girl was more feminine. They met through their families, because their mothers were friends and both active in the community. The two girls, around 18 years old, clicked and started hanging out as friends. Soon they became inseparable, doing almost everything together. It didn't raise any red flags because best friends of the same gender are always together.

Then the girls decided to travel to Egypt for a year to study Arabic. Their parents allowed them to go there together, thinking that learning Arabic in an Arab country was a good thing. The two young women, now in their early twenties, lived together in their own little apartment in Egypt and were alone together for a year.

A while after they came back home to the US, the nature if their relationship was accidentally discovered when a family member of one of the girls stumbled upon some explicit text messages. Then all heck broke loose.

The families of both girls were shocked, stunned and speechless. Their mothers cried. The families were racked with grief, debilitated by depression and confusion and guilt. The girls felt a bit guilty, but thought they really had nothing to apologize for and were almost relieved because the secret was finally out.

The two young women, now in their mid-twenties, are living together on their own in a new state, far away from their parents. They have a "baby," a pet dog who lives with them in the apartment. They are content creators on social media, making posts and videos about being unapologetically "queer and Muslim."

Muslim parents, nurture your relationship with your children from a young age. Pave the way for a deep, real, meaningful parent-child relationship. Set the tone for the relationship early, establishing open lines of communication from childhood. Nothing can replace this foundation that only you can build.

Don't rely on popular western "daees" or celebrity speakers to educate your children about this sensitive topic. This is a subject that these celeb Muslim speakers don't broach, because they are too much in the spotlight and don't want to be seen as bigoted homophobes. Some of the biggest celebrity "shaykhs" even make statements confusing the issues, implying that there's nothing incompatible with Islam and LGBTQ. Famous American Muslim activists and social justice warriors push, blatantly and brazenly, the liberal LGBTQ agenda of "tolerance and acceptance" for "all genders" and "all sexual orientations" because Allah is merciful. No one corrects them.

Is it any wonder that, in this mess of confusion, young Muslim teenagers are utterly confused?

Parents, rely on Allah first and foremost, and then do your best in the realm of parental efforts. Nothing can replace your love and attention for your own. There is no good substitute for your genuine care about the details of your child's inner life, thoughts and feelings. There is no adequate replacement for the bond you should have with your children, where the kids know they can come to you with literally *anything.*

Have frank conversations about sensible topics even if you feel kind of uncomfortable. Let your young kids ask you endless questions, and answer them patiently. Allow your children to mess up and then come to you to admit their mistakes, without you flying into a rage. Let your kids, from their toddlerhood and early childhood, express their real thoughts and genuine feelings to you, and find a calm safe haven in you.

You need to be a soft place for your kids to land.

This starts very, very early on in the child's life.

The preparation for the tumultuous teen years is in early childhood years, well before the start of adolescence. The window which parents have to instill character and habits and righteousness into their children is jarringly short--and then that window closes.

May Allah grant us all protection against the fitna of the times we live in, and safeguard our children and the youth of the Muslim umma, ameen.

[chemartsblog]

For Love of Sassy Brunettes

Pairing: Steve/any sassy brunette, BrOTP Steve & Bucky

Summary: Bucky knows there’s one thing that get’s Steve’s engine going: Sassy Brunettes.

For the Love of Sassy Brunettes

If Bucky could pin it on a singular event, he’d say that Steve found his fondness for brunettes when a nine-year old Chloe Dayzula saved his pasty ass from the local bullies. The girl was fierce with brown curls, tanned skin, brown eyes and a mouth that’s not afraid to sass anyone out. Normally, Bucky could easily take out Donald Stump and his crew, but he wasn’t there that day and those bullies tried too advantage of it.

Fortunately, Chole was, and she did not like seeing those bullies beating down the sick kid with asthma. From the way Steve and the other kids tell it, that spitfire literally kicked Donald Stump’s ass to the ground. Then she got in-between the bully and Steve, put her hands on her hips and yelled, “My dog’s got bigger balls than you, Stump. Go play on the train tracks if you wanna show off your manliness.”

That right there…that image of a strong sassy brunette defending the weak was burned into Steve’s memories forever.

When Bucky got on the scene, Steve was a stuttering red mess as he tried to thank the girl. “I-I don’t know how I could thank you, Chloe.” Steve mumbled, shifting slightly on his feet.

Chloe had grinned and batted her eyelashes prettily. “You could get ice cream with me.”

Steve looked like he just found gold on a well-trodden road. He smiles eagerly, “Y-yeah of course—em sure yeah!”

Bucky has to bite his fist to stop himself from laughing, but at least Chloe found it endearing. She laughed and took his hand, taking him towards the ice cream shop. When Steve looked back, Bucky gave him two thumbs up and mouths a ‘good luck’.

Steve and Chloe ‘date’ for a month until she had to leave with her parents to go to another state. It’s the first time Bucky sees Steve cry over a girl.

                                                                                                                  _*_*_

Over the years, Bucky starts seeing a trend in Steve’s crushes. Almost all of them are brunettes and who usually show a hint of fire in them. As far as Bucky knew, they were all girls until Yin Pothong transferred to school. The fourteen-year-old boy was tall, lithe and very very handsome. Even Bucky couldn’t stop his double glances at the teen’s exotic features. The wavy tussle of dark brown hair rested neatly on his head, his eyes a deep dark black that makes all the girls (and boys) melt.

They said his parents were mixed, which is why he looks so damn good. Bucky can believe it, and Steve definitely believed it.

It was probably the third time Steve tripped over his legs when Yin passed by during gym, and Bucky’s had enough of his friend’s painful mooning. So he does the ‘good friend’ thing and calls Yin over to them during break. The tall amiable boy smiles brightly and waves at Bucky and Steve.

“Hi Bucky.” Then he turns his brown eyes to his red quivering friend. “Hi Steve.”

Steve is a statue. A very red gaping statue.

Bucky clears his throat, “Ahem, y’know Yin, Steve is also a big fan of the Brooklyn Robins. We got tickets to one of the games on Saturday, but I can’t make it…” he hints.

Yin grins. “I’d be happy to; if Steve’s okay with it?” He answers glancing to the still statuesque teen.

Bucky discretely grinds down on Steve’s foot, and somehow snaps him out of his stupor.

“Y-yeah yes—well—I mean—that is—!”

An exasperated Bucky delivers another quick jab to the stuttering teen’s side, and Steve manages to get himself together to string a coherent sentence.

“Yes. Yes. I definitely wouldn’t mind. Love to have you there, Yin.” Steve finishes lamely.

It doesn’t seem to discourage Yin, which is a good sign. The handsome brunette takes out a piece of paper and writes his address and home number on it.

“Here, call me if anything comes up. Otherwise we should meet up at my place before the game. Probably 12? My mom probably would want to make lunch for us.” He says.

Steve takes the piece of paper like it’s the most precious artifact in the world, and looks at Yin with wide eyes. “Y-yeah 12 is good.”

“Great! See you then, Steve.” And Yin takes off, heading towards another group of people.

Bucky grins, “Smooth dude.”

“Shut up, Buck. You were the same way with Mellissa.”

“That’s because I got lost in those massive tits.”

Steve slaps his friend’s arm playfully. “You’re an animal.”

“Never said I wasn’t.” Bucky grins.

They pause and Steve asks carefully, “So you’re okay if I’m…a little queer?”

Bucky grins and ruffles his friend’s hair. “Tits, pecs, dicks, vag’s. Doesn’t matter to me. You’re still the most awkward fucking dude I know.”

“Ha-ha.” Steve retorts, but there’s a relieved grin on his face.

                                                             _*_*_

One of the strangest things Bucky starts recalling during his imprisonment is all the faces of Steve’s crushes. For whatever reason, the drone of the names and faces going through his brain are enough to keep him relatively sane during the kooky doctor’s experiments.

If some of the guards give him weird looks every time he starts listing the names of Steve’s sassy brunette crushes, well…he’s too tired of Nazi shit to care.

In fact he’s just in the middle of talking about Yin when lo and behold Steve comes barging through the door. Well he thinks it’s Steve, but this Steve is waaay bigger than the Steve he remembers. Is this a hallucination?

“Who’s the sassy brunet who saved you on the playground when Donald came after you?” Bucky asks suspiciously. Big-Steve snorts and answers, “Chloe Dayzula. My first crush.”

Bucky looks him up and down. “Huh. What happened to you?”

“I joined the army.” Is the easy answer.

Whatever, Bucky’s too tired to complain or think too hard on it.

_*_*_

The moment Bucky recovered and laid eyes on Elizabeth ‘Peggy’ Carter, he knew. He didn’t even have to look at Steve standing beside him. Peggy is the whole package, and he’s going to gloat at their wedding.

Honestly, Bucky gets it. Peggy is hot, dangerous and has the look of someone who’s not afraid to kick your ass. He’d be jealous if it was anyone but Steve. As it was, he’s more than happy to play wingman to the dork. And Steve really needs it. The two idiots dance around each other like nobody’s business. It’s one of the worst cases of pining Bucky’s ever seen. The air around them tense and sizzling with unsaid promises. Every eye at the bar on the two, asking will they? Are they?

It’s kinda cute how Steve’s changed so much but still retained that awkward boyish attitude when it comes to women. Bucky would have laughed if he hadn’t seen this same dance for the past eighteen years. Still, it’s cute that Steve found a dangerously hot brunette in the army of all things.

Bucky puts down his drink and sits across from Steve, eyes gleaming and smirk sharp.

“So…Peggy.” He starts.

Steve sighs, “Bucky…”

“What?” he asks innocently. “I’m just stating the name of our very pretty, very brunette, and very spicy lady.”

“If she hears you say that she’ll fill you with lead and then turn you inside out before doing it again.” Steve retorts.

Bucky shivers. “Yup you’re right about that, but what if you said that?”

“She’d have to use the bigger guns.”

“Alright, fair enough.” Bucky acquiesces. “But seriously, it’s like I wasn’t even there. Did you forget that I was standing next to you?”

Steve chuckles. “I could never forget you, Bucky.”

“Better not. I snagged you that hot boyfriend, Yin.”

“No you didn’t.” Steve denies.

“Yes I did, Steve don’t even start. If I hadn’t dropped in with that whole, ‘oh no. I can’t go to the baseball game’ schtick, you’d have been mooning over him until he moved.”

The larger man sighs, “Yeah you’re probably right. He was something.”

“Like a Peggy something?” Bucky grins.

Steve pushes Bucky, and this time, it actually topples the man down.

“Oh shoot, I’m sorry Buck!” Steve cries as he helps his friend up. Bucky waves him away.

“Eh bound to happen someday.” He says. “But you owe me.”

“What do you want?”

“I call best man.” Bucky grins.

Steve laughs. “Win the war first; then we can talk about weddings.”

(Bucky’s last thought as he falls is: Damn I’ll miss my best friend’s wedding.)

                                                               _*_*_

Seventy years would change everything and nothing. Steve convinced him to stay after the whole Hydra debacle, and they were able to rescue his mind with Stark and Shuri’s help. The first thing he does after staggering out of the pod is hug Steve, holding onto his brother and best friend tightly.

“Sorry about Peggy.” He mutters.

Steve smiles sadly and pats his back, “It’s okay. She lived a good life.”

“I’m glad.”

Of course, Stark isn’t really one for sappy reunions and snaps at the two. “Uhhh…why don’t I see any loving for the two amazing geniuses that recovered your brain?” he sasses. “I’m just saying that we saved your brain. With our brains and a lot of cool science stuff.”

Bucky glares at the man and then turns to Steve. He leans close to his ear and whispers, “I swear to God Steve if you’ve got a boner for that guy…”

The silence and tension in his shoulders is all he needs to know. Bucky groans and drops his head against Steve’s shoulder.

“Uuuugggghhhh.” He intones dramatically.

Steve pats his head. “Sorry, buddy.”

“You owe me so much for this.”

                                                     _*_*_

At least Steve makes good on his promise and gives Bucky the honor of best man. Take that Sam!

Bucky raises his glass in a toast and grins. “Tony, of all the sassy brunettes that Steve has liked over the years, you would be the last one I thought Steve would marry.”

Tony sends him the middle finger, but Bucky just laughs it off and continues. “But you really stepped up and showed that you’re the best one for my brother. So best of luck to Steve and you. You’re probably the only two people who could marry each other without going insane.”

The dining hall is filled with laugher and applause as Bucky bows and takes a seat. After the wedding ceremony, Steve comes up and gives him a hug and a playful punch. Stark actually does the human thing and gives Bucky a proper hug too.

“Wow is the world ending?” Bucky jokes.

Tony rolls his eyes. “You weren’t funny seventy years ago and you aren’t funny now.”

“Rude. Steve are you going to let your husband talk to your brother-in-law like that?”

Said man rolls his eyes in response. “I’m not getting in-between your weird play-feuds. Just don’t have another Poptart incident.”

“Hey that was all Thor.” Tony complains.

Bucky nods vigorously, “Yeah we hardly had anything to do with it!”

“Clint, Bruce and Tasha think differently. Even Thor thinks differently.”

“Figures.” Bucky mutters. “They always blame the class clowns.”

“I’m more of a class genius.” Tony retorts.

Before the two can get into another bickering session, Steve hauls them towards the photographer. They get one good picture, and then Bucky somehow gets cake all over Tony and it’s just pandemonium from there. Steve is fine with it. It wouldn’t be a Stony wedding without an impromptu food fight.

                                                      _*_*_

Bucky should have known something like this would happen. Steve is the biggest sap he knew and Tony is no better. Especially when it comes in a cute seven-year-old package.

Steve saved this tiny child from a bombing in Queens. Unfortunately, poor Peter lost his aunt and uncle during the attack, leaving the child with no home to go to. Steve only had to give the authorities his best, Captain America look before they’re handing him the paperwork to take the child into his temporary custody once Peter’s been cleared by the doctor’s.

Bucky should have known it would be anything but temporary.

And it got worse when Tony found out the child’s potential genius. The two children were busy playing in the lab all day, and Steve just looked over them like a proud mother duck. Bucky would have torn his hair out if it wasn’t so damn cute.

Of course, Tony and Steve filed for adoption within a week of knowing Peter, and soon they’ll have a newly minted Peter Parker-Stark-Rogers.

Bucky sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose, while Steve gives him the biggest puppy-dog eyes as he tucks Peter close.

“Steve.” Bucky says.

“Bucky.”

His friend looks at Steve then at the small child in Steve’s arms and honestly, Bucky’s a stupid sap too because he gets it.

“I call godfather.” Bucky replies.

“You’ll have to fight, Clint, Thor, and Bruce for that honor.” Steve answers.

“What about godmother?”

“You’ll have to fight Tasha and Pepper for it.”

“I’ll try my hand at godfather.”

“Good idea.”

Bucky shakes his head in amusement. “I always knew you had a weakness for sassy brunettes, but this wasn’t what I expected to come out of it.”

“Because I married Tony?” Steve asks.

Bucky shakes his head and looks meaningfully at the small child who’s building some kind of spider robot with Legos.

Steve looks offended and gasps. “Peter is not sassy.”

“Yeah Uncle Buck, I’m not sassy. I’m an angel.” Peter…well sasses.

His old friend only has to give Steve a look and the sheepish man just shoots Bucky a wry grin.

“What can I say? I have a type.”

[crispipaper]

A polite letter to J.K. Rowling By a transgender fan of Harry Potter (TW. Suicide and trauma)

Dear JKR, 

My name is Alex Hernandez, and I have identified as a Harry Potter fan since I was six years old, and a non-binary/ transgender individual since I was sixteen. I recently read your essay concerning your opinions about transgender individuals, and your claim that by providing information you were ‘protecting natal girls and women.’ I was extremely disappointed when I read your piece, both as a queer person and as a Harry Potter fan. The factual information you provided was ill-informed and often taken out of context. The opinions you shared were harmful to many members of the trans community, and perpetuated stereotypes that we have been trying to dismantle for years. 

What stood out to me most in your essay was the insinuation that the only way a person could truly be considered transgender is if they underwent hormone replacement therapy and/or gender confirmation surgery. This is simply incorrect, as there are many people (myself included) who happily identify as trans that have chosen to or cannot undergo those types of treatments. It also completely leaves out the identity of non-binary, a-gender and gender fluid individuals, who do not subscribe to the binary gender identities that accompany these types of treatment. It is also not as simple to gain access to these procedures as you seem suggest, even within your home country of the United Kingdom.

In your writing, you state that “a man who intends to have no surgery and take no hormones may now secure himself a Gender Recognition Certificate and be a woman in the sight of the law.” According to the official website for the government of the United Kingdom, a person who wishes to obtain a Gender Recognition Certificate must be over the age of 18, have documented proof of a diagnoses of gender dysphoria, have lived as their intended gender for at least two years, and intend to live as this gender for the rest of their life (https://www.gov.uk/apply-gender-recognition-certificate). This clearly shows that a person must provide more than just their word in order to gain legal recognition of their gender by the British government. You are correct that surgery and hormones are not prerequisites for obtaining a GRC, however, medically transitioning is not a prerequisite for being a trans person. 

You also cited a very controversial study performed by Doctor Lisa Littman the supports the theory of Rapid Onset Gender Dysphoria. According to this study, children and young adults are more likely to come out to their parents as transgender after engaging online with other trans individuals. Dr. Littman claims that according to the survey she conducted (which was directed at parents of children who had recently come out as trans), gender dysphoria can just appears out of nowhere during puberty, and that internet forums and peer pressure is a large contributing factor to this. However, there are several things wrong with her writing. To start, the survey she conducted in order to obtain her data was targeted at parents of children who had recently come out as trans and only posted to websites that were about parents questioning their teen’s recent coming out. She asked irrelevant questions about the child’s mental health, including whether or not they had been diagnosed with a mental illness prior to coming out, or if they had experienced trauma at some past point in their life. Although I understand that the article was taken down and re-reviewed, the author did not rescind her findings, and simply used the republication as a way to clarify what she had previously stated.  

The other aspect of your writing that stood out to me as particularly harmful to the trans community and those questioning their gender identity was the supposition that one could just “choose” to be trans because they have experienced trauma. Your experience as a survivor of domestic and sexual assault are real and valid, and your trauma regarding these situations is real and valid. However, this does not give you the right to suggest that you might have chosen to transition during these times in order to escape abuse. Transitioning (in your case) from an Assigned-Female-At-Birth (AFAB) individual to a male identifying individual does not automatically exempt you from abuse and violence typically experienced by cis-gendered women. It is not a choice people make because they have experienced a trauma. It is a recognition of what has always been true to them, that they were previously unable to freely express. 

Here’s where you seem to be missing the point. People who choose to transition from a female to a male are not trying to “escape womanhood.” What they are doing is finding ways to freely express themselves in the most authentic and truest way. For example, say you were born with red hair. But for years and years your family was dying your hair brown because it was more “socially acceptable” to have brown hair. You knew that you had red hair, and that wasn’t something that anyone could take away from you, even if they were trying to cover it up or pretend like it was brown. And one day, you meet a group of people who have naturally red hair, who are flaunting their red hair and making a point of not dying it to fit societal standards. And maybe you don’t agree with what these people are doing, and you continue to dye your hair. Or maybe, you realize that you’ve always preferred having red hair, and now you’ve come across a space where it’s ok to be a red head. These people understand what it’s like to have their hair dyed for years and years, and want to embrace their naturally red hair. That’s how it is for trans people. A trans man was always a man, he was just born into a woman’s body, and socialized as a woman. But once they encounter other trans people, and realize that these people will accept and love him for his true self, then he will “come out” because he realizes that he was always a man and now finally feels comfortable expressing that. 

I also want to take this opportunity to share with you my own personal journey of gender exploration, since the stories of non-binary trans people are often overlooked and rarely heard. I was assigned female at birth. I was given a traditionally female first name, and socialized as a girl for the first sixteen years of my life. However, even as a little kid I had a sense that something wasn’t quite right. When I was younger, I really didn’t like my name, and always wished I could have been called Amber or Ashley. I knew that I was not the person I wanted to be, but I didn’t have the language or understanding to really figure out how I was feeling. As I grew up, I came to embrace my feminine name, and to enjoy traditionally feminine things such as princesses and makeup.

Fast forward to high school, when I was beginning to learn more about the LGBTQ+ community. Before I got to high school, I didn’t know a single queer person my own age. Existing on the internet at the time, I encountered many stories of trans people, but the only ones I ever saw were of binary trans individuals. I knew that I didn’t want to be a man, but I also knew that I didn’t really want to be a woman either. So I cut my hair short and started wearing clothes that showed off less of my figure and that attempted to obscure my female form. When I was fifteen, I was doing a presentation on LGBTQ+ identities for school, and came across the term “non-binary individual.” At the same time, I was taking a class where we were learning about the history of feminism, and how many ancient cultures saw femininity and masculinity less as physical forms and appearances, but rather as energies that a person could embrace. Both of these streams of information collided, and I suddenly realized I had words to describe how I’d been feeling this whole time. I didn’t want to identify as a binary woman, and I didn’t want to identify as a binary male. Instead, I wanted the language that would allow me to feel comfortable traveling between these two energies. 

My personal definition of what it means to be a non-binary individual is a person who embraces both masculine and feminine energies, and can express themselves as one, neither or both. I keep my hair long and have chosen not to go on hormones or have reconstructive surgery partially due to trauma I experienced as a child, but also because I want to keep these aspects of feminine energy close to me. There are days where I feel more masculine, where I wear “mens” clothes and attempt to present as a more masculine individual. There are days where I want to feel more feminine, and I choose to wear skirts and makeup because that is what helps me to embrace my feminine energy. And there are days when I want to combine energies, so I will present myself as some combination of masculine and feminine presentations. 

All of this is just to say that when you, a person who has considerable influence especially on younger children, make these inflammatory statements and harmful claims, you are effectively telling children that this is not a world where they can be as authentic to themselves as possible. You are creating a hostile environment that encourages other people who share your ideas to be more vocal, which honestly does more harm than good. Many of those statistics that you quote about rising rates in teen and transgender suicide are often because people who feel forced to conceal their true identity would rather not exist in a world that won’t allow them to be who they really are. So if you are truly interested in changing public perception of transgender individuals, while continuing to support the education of children and the protection of women, I would suggest reading literature that directly opposes your view points, and having conversations with people (particularly trans people) who have real experiences and are willing to share them with you. 

Sincerely, 

Alex Hernandez (they/them)

[goldietm]

            *      ╰      new   york’s   very   own   𝐠𝐞𝐨𝐫𝐠𝐢𝐚  ��‘   𝐠𝐨𝐥𝐝𝐢𝐞   ‘   𝐡𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐫𝐢𝐱   was   spotted   on   broadway   street   in   louboutin   carnababy   ankle   boots   .   your   resemblance   to   𝒛𝒆𝒏𝒅𝒂𝒚𝒂   is   unreal   .   according   to   tmz   ,   you   just   had   your   twenty   -   third   birthday   bash   .   while   living   in   nyc   ,   you’ve   been   labeled   as   being      𝒂𝒖𝒔𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒆   ,   but   also      𝒑𝒖𝒓𝒑𝒐𝒔𝒆𝒇𝒖𝒍   .   i   guess   being   a      virgo      explains   that   .   3   things   that   would   paint   a   better   picture   of   you   would   be      𝒂      𝒇𝒆𝒂𝒓      𝒐𝒇      𝒍𝒊𝒎𝒊𝒕𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔      𝒈𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒕𝒆𝒓      𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒏      𝒍𝒊𝒇𝒆      𝒊𝒕𝒔𝒆𝒍𝒇      ,         𝒂      𝒍𝒊𝒍𝒂𝒄      𝒑𝒐𝒘𝒆𝒓   -   𝒔𝒖𝒊𝒕      𝒔𝒆𝒏𝒅𝒊𝒏𝒈      𝒃𝒖𝒔𝒊𝒏𝒆𝒔𝒔      𝒆𝒎𝒂𝒊𝒍𝒔      𝒂𝒕      𝒕𝒉𝒆      𝒄𝒍𝒖𝒃   ,      𝒅𝒂𝒓𝒌      𝒆𝒚𝒆𝒔      𝒔𝒘𝒊𝒎𝒎𝒊𝒏𝒈      𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉      𝒕𝒉𝒆      𝒓𝒆𝒔𝒐𝒏𝒂𝒏𝒄𝒆      𝒐𝒇      𝒖𝒏𝒔𝒑𝒐𝒌𝒆𝒏      𝒕𝒉𝒐𝒖𝒈𝒉𝒕𝒔      .   (   my   ex   -   fiance   was   a   pr   stunt   set   up   by   our   manager.   i’m   not   sure   they   knew   that   until   i   inadvertently   cheated   on   them   .   )      &      (   cis   female   &   she   /   her      )     

tw   :   homophobia   ,   biphobia   ,   suicide   mention   ,   emotional   abuse   .


𝒊       .        𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒕𝒔       .

𝒏𝒂𝒎𝒆 :     georgia   cheyanne   hendrix 𝒏𝒊𝒄𝒌𝒏𝒂𝒎𝒆𝒔  :   goldie   ,   golds   .   georgie   ,   gigi   ,   g   . 𝒂𝒈𝒆   :        twenty  -    three    𝒛𝒐𝒅𝒊𝒂𝒄   :   virgo    𝒐𝒄𝒄𝒖𝒑𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏   :  former   beauty   pageant   competitor   and   2016’s   miss   teen   usa   ,   2017′s   miss   new   york   ,   2018′s   miss   usa   ,   current   film   and   television   actress   ,    model   ,   business  entrepreneur   ,   philanthropist   ,  and   activist   .       𝒓𝒆𝒄𝒐𝒈𝒏𝒊𝒛𝒆𝒅   𝒇𝒐𝒓   :   her   mother’s   political   career   ,   starring   in   hbo’s   television   series   euphoria   ,   being   the   first   openly   queer         representative   for   the   usa   in   the   pageant   circuit   ,   her   advocacy   for   feminism   and   criminal   justice   reform   ,   a   bustling   social   media   page   ,   being   one   of   forbes   2019′s   top   30   under   30         . 𝒈𝒆𝒏𝒅𝒆𝒓    𝒊𝒅𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒊𝒕𝒚    /    𝒑𝒓𝒐𝒏𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒔    :   cis   female   /   she   her   hers    𝒐𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏  :  bisexual   ,   biromantic    𝒉𝒆𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕   :   5’9    𝒄𝒉𝒂𝒓   𝒊𝒏𝒔𝒑𝒐𝒔   :   meredith   grey  &  cristina  yang   from   grey’s   anatomy   ,   spencer   hastings   from   pretty   little   liars   ,   hermione   granger   from   harry   potter   ,   meghan   markle   ,   angela   martin   from   the   office   ,   alex   cabot   from   law   and   order   svu   ,   and   more   than   anything   ,   claire   from   fleabag   .   𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐧   𝐢𝐟   𝐮   𝐬𝐤𝐢𝐦   𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠   𝐞𝐥𝐬𝐞   ,   𝐢   𝐛𝐞𝐠   𝐨𝐟   𝐮   𝐭𝐨   𝐰𝐚𝐭𝐜𝐡   𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬   𝐯𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐨   𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭   𝐭𝐨   𝐠𝐞𝐭   𝐥𝐞𝐱’𝐬   𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞   𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐞𝐝   𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐨   7   𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐬   . 𝒌𝒆𝒚   𝒕𝒓𝒂𝒊𝒕𝒔      :     -     acquiescent    ,   cold   ,   emotionally distant    ,         obsessive   ,  control   -   freak +   intelligent  ,   astute   ,   focused    ,  protective   ,  passionate         𝒉𝒐𝒈𝒘𝒂𝒓𝒕𝒔   𝒉𝒐𝒖𝒔𝒆   :   toss   up  between   slytherin   and   ravenclaw  !  𝒔𝒐𝒏𝒈         𝒊𝒏𝒔𝒑𝒐𝒔         :     𝐭𝐢𝐚   𝐭𝐚𝐦𝐞𝐫𝐚      -   𝑑𝑜𝑗𝑎   𝑐𝑎𝑡   𝑓𝑡   .   𝑟𝑖𝑐𝑜   𝑛𝑎𝑠𝑡𝑦  /   𝐢𝐜𝐞   𝐦𝐞   𝐨𝐮𝐭   -   𝑘𝑎𝑠ℎ   𝑑𝑜𝑙𝑙   /   𝐧𝐨   𝐬𝐦𝐚𝐥𝐥   𝐭𝐚𝐥𝐤   -   𝑘𝑎𝑟𝑖   𝑓𝑎𝑢𝑥  /  𝐂𝐘𝐀𝐍𝐈𝐃𝐄   -   𝑑𝑎𝑛𝑖𝑒𝑙   𝑐𝑎𝑒𝑠𝑎𝑟 /  𝐛𝐫𝐨𝐤𝐞𝐧   𝐜𝐥𝐨𝐜𝐤𝐬   -   𝑆𝑍𝐴   /   𝐬𝐚𝐲   𝐬𝐨   -   𝑑𝑜𝑗𝑎   𝑐𝑎𝑡  /  𝐛𝐞𝐞𝐟   𝐟𝐥𝐨𝐦𝐢𝐱   -   𝑓𝑙𝑜   𝑚𝑖𝑙𝑙𝑖  /  𝐜𝐨𝐜𝐤𝐲   𝐚𝐟   -   𝑚𝑒𝑔𝑎𝑛   𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑒   𝑠𝑡𝑎𝑙𝑙𝑖𝑜𝑛  /  𝐜𝐡𝐮𝐧-𝐥𝐢      -   𝑛𝑖𝑐𝑘𝑖   𝑚𝑖𝑛𝑎𝑗  /   𝐝𝐨𝐢𝐧   𝐭𝐨𝐨   𝐦𝐮𝐜𝐡   -      𝑘𝑎𝑠ℎ   𝑑𝑜𝑙𝑙  /    𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫   𝐣𝐨𝐞   -   𝑗𝑢𝑛𝑔𝑙𝑒𝑝𝑢𝑠𝑠𝑦  /     𝐈𝐂𝐘   𝐆𝐈𝐑𝐋   -   𝑠𝑎𝑤𝑒𝑒𝑡𝑖𝑒  /   𝐩𝐡𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐲  𝐣𝐚𝐰𝐧   -  𝑘𝑜𝑡𝑎   𝑡ℎ𝑒   𝑓𝑟𝑖𝑒𝑛𝑑   /   𝐛𝐨𝐬𝐬   𝐛𝐢𝐭𝐜𝐡   -   𝑑𝑜𝑗𝑎   𝑐𝑎𝑡 𝒂𝒆𝒔𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒕𝒊𝒄𝒔   :         an   intellect   that   remembers   everything      ;      wild   caramel   curls   with   just   enough   composure   to   seem   effortless      ;      a   fear   of   failure      more   crippling   than   life   itself      ;      the   smell   of   fresh   linen   and   lavender         ;      a   color   -   coded   itinerary         ;         a   perfectly   choreographed   interaction   ,   each   time      ;      lilac   power   -   suits   and   an   immaculate   composure      ;         unspoken   mommy   issues      ;      tenebrous   ,   intent   gazes   swimming   with   the   resonance   of   unspoken   thoughts      ;      ‘   don’t   touch   me   please   ‘   syndrome      ;      kicking   out   hookups   before   you   both   fall   asleep      ;      ordering   the   same   thing   at   a   restaurant   ,   every   time      ;      flinching   at   ‘   i   love   you’s   ’      ;      drafting   business   emails   at   the   club         ;      an   admiration   of   atlas   ,   with   the   world’s   weight   upon   your      shoulders   .

𝒊𝒊       .    𝒃𝒂𝒄𝒌𝒔𝒕𝒐𝒓𝒚    .

though   goldie   should   be   proud   to   carry   the   hendrix   name   (   a   prominent   black   woman   in   politics   as   a   mother   and   a   fortune   500   ceo   father   )   ,   the   odds   have   been   against   the   hendrix   progeny   since   they   come   into   the   world   .   despite   her   mother   being   a   female   senator   ,   she’s   a   infamously   staunch   conservative   with   rather   regressive   opinions   .   her   father   ?   none   the   better   ,   driven   by   greed   and   the   illusion   of   power   .

georgia   emerges   first   into   the   world   with   kalani   following   soon   after   ,   a   dynamic   they   hold   onto   for   the   rest   of   their   lives   .   their   brother   michael   follows   a   few   years   later   ,   completing   the   illusion   of   the   perfect   american   family   .   goldie   ,   as   she   is   quickly   known   as   ,   is   a   perfectionist   by   heart   ,   a   trait   that   is   only   further   emphasized   by   a   cold   ,   disconnected   mother   who   only   truly   acknowledges   her   when   it’s   following   an   accolade   .   lani   never   seemed   bothered   and   would   find   solace   in   mikey   —   goldie   ,   on   the   other   hand   ,   took   her   mother’s   emotional   distance   more   personally   than   anything   in   her   life   ,   past   or   future   .   

her   mother   ,   a   former   pageant   star   herself   ,   is   elated   to   hear   goldie’s   interest   in   starting   in   the   circuit   in   middle   school   ,   launching   a   career   for   herself   in   the   new   york   pageant   scene   .   this   perfectionist   mentality   lends   itself   easily   to   her   competitions   ,   and   the   naturally   competitive   girl   takes   the   pageant   world   by   storm   .   she   pushes   herself   to   her   peak   through   new   york’s   elite   prep   schools   ,   scoring   top   marks   and   heading   countless   clubs   to   pad   an   otherwise   still   impressive   resume   .   she’s   making   waves   in   every   circle   she   enters   ,   preparing   a   valedictorian   speech   and   touting   early   acceptance   into   princeton   when   her   world   flips   on   its   head   .

mikey   ,   vibrant   and   beautiful   ,   everything   goldie   did   not   see   herself   as   ,   comes   out   as   gay   to   their   family   ,   and   following   the   heinous   response   of   their   parents   and   the   mounting   pressures   to   keep   up   appearances   ,   takes   his   own   life   during   the   twins’   senior   year   .   goldie’s   life   is   shattered   ,   and   her   family   falls   apart   quickly   after   ,   with   lani’s   outburst   of   her   own   coming   out   and   reprimanding   their   parents   for   their   part   in   mikey’s   passing   being   the   final   tear   of   the   hendrix   tapestry   .   goldie   ,   harboring   a   budding   sentiment   of   bisexuality   all   her   own   ,   sees   the   effect   the   dual   coming’s   -   out   have   on   their   family   and   can’t   bring   herself   to   rock   the   boat   a   third   time   ,   doing   what   she   does   best   and   keeping   her   mouth   shut   for   appearances   .   

while   lani   makes   a   name   for   herself   protesting   and   doing   her   activism   ,   goldie   continues   to   dominate   pageantry   ,   quickly   snatching   up   titles   of   miss   teen   usa   ,   miss   new   york   ,   and   going   on   to   set   her   sights   on   2018′s   miss   america   .   during   the   question   and   answer   portion   ,   when   she’s   asked   about   the   mental   health   crisis   in   her   home   state   of   new   york   ,   her   mind   drifts   from   her   prepared   statement   and   instead   pivots   to   a   cause   near   and   dear   to   her   heart   ,   the   lgbtq+   mental   health   crisis   .   her   life   changes   with   one   simple   slip   of   the   tongue   on   live   national   television   .   

                   “   as   a   bisexual   woman   myself   ,   i   believe  —   ”

though   entirely   unintentional   ,   the   moment   liberates   her   and   thrusts   her   forward   into   the   life   she   now   has   ,   a   name   made   for   herself   ,   by   herself   .   despite   the   collective   shock   of   her   unexpected   coming   out   on   national   tv   ,   she   is   enthusiastically   crowned   miss   america   much   to   her   own   surprise   ,   though   her   actions   are   not   without   consequence   .   fuming   at   the   perceived   treachery   of   the   child   that   was   supposed   to   be   ‘   the   good   one   ,   ’   senator   hendrix   pulls   some   strings   to   get   goldie   kicked   from   the   pageantry   world   ,   but   it   comes   as   a   blessing   in   disguise   .   

goldie   changes   her   major   at   princeton   to   public   policy   ,   and   once   she   leaves   the   pageant   world   ,   she’s   flooded   with   offers   for   modeling   campaigns   and   sponsorship   deals   .   she   becomes   one   of   the   most   noted   humanitarian   activists   of   her   generation   ,   fighting   for   women’s   rights   ,   mental   health   advocacy   ,   and   criminal   justice   reform   .   while   lani   takes   to   the   streets   ,   goldie   takes   to   the   stands   ,   giving   speeches   and   meeting   with   policy   makers   as   she   begins   to   dive   into   the   world   of   entrepreneurship   .   the   twins   start   a   foundation   for   lgbtq+   people   they   name   the   mikey   hendrix   foundation   in   honor   of   their   younger   brother   ,   and   are   in   constant   tabloid   stories   due   to   their   speaking   out   against   their   parents   .   goldie   makes   an   easy   transition   from   paper   to   stage   ,   and   finds   a   blooming   acting   career   that   serves   as   an   even   greater   platform   for   her   to   speak   out   about   the   causes   nearest   to   her   .  

𝒊𝒊𝒊       .       𝒅𝒊𝒔𝒑𝒐𝒔𝒊𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏 

            perhaps   goldie’s   most   notable   quality   is   being   driven   by   an   unyielding   fear   of   failure   and   mediocrity   .   there   is   no   task   small   enough   that   goldie   will   not   accomplish   to   the   best   of   her   execution   ,   and   if   she   can’t   ensure   perfection   ,   she   will   refuse   to   give   it   an   attempt   at   all   .   this   all   or   nothing   attitude   stems   from   an   obscene   obsession   with   control   and   remaining   in   control   ,   something   those   around   her   are   all   too   aware   of   . 

               despite   a   rather   charming   and   gregarious   disposition   on   the   red   carpet   ,   many   will   note   that   goldie   is   incredibly   reserved   when   meeting   her   in   real   life   .   the   pageantry   training   has   kicked   in   to   give   her   a   facade   to   push   when   she’s   in   the   spotlight   ,   though   her   true   disposition   is   much   less   play   and   much   more   work   .   she’s   stoic   and   serious   ,   knowing   just   what   to   say   at   what   time   to   continue   the   narrative   that   she   is   completely   in   control   .   cool   and   calculated   ,   her   affect   is   usually   stern   and   unwilling   to   reflect   any   sentiment   of   softness   or   goofiness   —   many   business   associates   note   her   absolute   maturity   and   rationality   even   at   the   tender   age   of   23   .   her   energy   ,   as   subdued   as   it   may   be   ,   commands   the   room   with   a   power   of   self-assuredness   that   only   stems   from   a   confidence   rooted   in   something   to   back   it   up   .   she’s   an   elderly   woman   in   a   millennial’s   body   ,   and   this   tends   to   show   in   her   dry   wit   humor   ,   relative   moodiness   ,   and   general   propensity   for   wanting   things   done   exclusively   her   way   .

               goldie’s   intellect   has   always   been   a   strong   suit   of   hers   ,   a   photographic   memory   that   allowed   her   to   glide   through   school   with   the   least   of   struggles   .   astute   and   well   -   spoken   ,   monotone   and   unlikely   to   crack   in   her   stony   temperament   ,   she’s   a   force   of   nature   to   be   well   reckoned   with   .   luckily   ,   goldie   shows   little   to   no   interest   in   engaging   with   petty   drama   and   tends   to   keep   in   her   own   lane   ,   losing   interest   nearly   immediately   in   the   mindless   pettiness   some   of   her   friends   wrap   themselves   up   in   .   rational   ,   arguably   to   a   fault   ,   goldie   has   a   bad   habit   of   censoring   herself   and   limiting   her   own   commentary   when   in   the   company   of   anyone   she   needs   to   maintain   her   reputation   with      ;      close   friends   ,   on   the   other   hand   ,   will   easily   characterize   her   as   blunt   and   straightforward   ,   almost   too   aggressive   with   her   honesty   for   her   own   good   .   though   she’d   rarely   voice   it   ,   she   has   an   undeniable   superiority   complex   stemming   from   a   recognition   that   whatever   she   does   ,   she’s   incredibly   good   at   (   ignoring   her   unwillingness   to   step   out   and   try   anything   outside   her   comfort   zone   .   )

               this   is   the   curious   dichotomy   of   georgia   hendrix   ,   considering   one   of   her   most   notable   flaws   is   her   unwillingness   to   invest   .   despite   being   perhaps   overly   honest   ,   the   moment   a   conversation   (   or   relationship   )   runs   the   risk   of   becoming   too   emotionally   risky   ,   she   shuts   down   .   flames   have   been   ghosted   ,   relationships   have   been   ended   ,   and   friendships   have   been   cut   off   simply   because   goldie   deemed   them   to   be   a   danger   to   her   mission   of   remaining   in   complete   control   of   herself   and   her   life   .   the   select   few   that   have   plowed   through   goldie’s   rather   prickly   initial   interactions   have   earned   themselves   a   friend   forged   from   gold   ,   loyal   to   a   fault   and   ready   to   drop   anything   at   a   wind’s   blow   to   aide   those   she   loves   most   .   defensive   and   ornery   ,   the   pageant   girl   facade   soon   blows   over   to   reveal   an   anal   retentive   ,   emotionally   stunted   grandmother   who   loses   her   lid   over   the   most   minute   of   inconveniences   if   they   step   out   of   her   pre - established   plans   and   routines   .

               hiding   beneath   her   layers   of   fake   smiling   at   redundant   questions   ,   unapproachable   hostility   and   being   an   otherwise   unmeltable   ice   queen   ,   goldie   harbors   a   deep   intensity   that   overcomes   her   when   allowed   to   reign   (   and   very   rarely   is   allowed   to   reign   )   .   she   does   not   invest   in   small   doses   and   despite   the   relative   unlikelihood   of   her   allowing   a   distraction   such   as   a   relationship   ,   the   few   she’s   had   have   been   intense   whirlwinds   led   by   goldie’s   own   inability   to   limit   herself   —   she’s   all   ,   or   she’s   nothing   ,   but   nowhere   in   the   middle   .

[novantinuum]

Bi the Way...

Fandom: Steven Universe

Rating: Teen

Words: 2.8K~

Pairings: Steven/Connie

Summary: Connie has a question, and also something to say.

Or: the one where Connie comes out as bisexual :D Set post Steven Universe: The Movie.

You can find the AO3 link in the reblogs! (I have to omit it from the original post these days to ensure this will show up in the tags.) If you enjoyed this, I’d greatly appreciate your support through reblogs here, or kudos on AO3 as well.

---

Bi the Way...

Outside the familiar coziness of Steven’s bedroom, the late autumn rain pours steadily, the choppy waters of the Atlantic crashing onto shore with a ferociousness Connie hasn’t seen for a number of months. Historically, Beach City has been blessed to be host to consistently good weather. But even the most consistently stable meteorological systems aren’t immune to the odd unexpected shake-up. It’s a necessity to clear the air with a great thunderous clap, sometimes. It relieves pressure that’s built up long term amongst the clouds. It leaves the atmosphere noticeably cleaner, the dirt below sparkling with that fresh scent that comes about after torrents of cool rain.

On this particular afternoon, she’s found that this is a lesson that holds just as true for people as it does the weather.

It begins with a stray comment, as things often do.

They’re watching TV, the two of them, tangled together on his bed. About once a week they’ll try to have one of these cuddle sessions, just some time alone together to relax and enjoy each other’s company in private. Working alongside a myriad of Gems to aid in the restructuring of an entire society can be excruciatingly stressful at points, and so can rigorous AP classes and the eye-rolling drudgery of high school drama. There’s no placing a hierarchy on these things for them, no matter their outward difficulty or importance, they’re all just... the challenges in life they have to win. And on occasion, they’re the challenges they need a quiet break from. Both of them are no stranger to throwing themselves at a problem and working endlessly towards a solution until they hit rock bottom and crash, but over the years they’ve started to recognize this tendency for the bad habit it is. It’s okay to take 'me' time, Connie’s constantly reminding Steven (and herself) whenever she catches him about to stubbornly sneak away to the galaxy warp with clear stress lines rimming his eyes. And without fail he’ll groan halfheartedly, knowing he’s been caught red-handed, and retire to his room to relax with a book or a board game or a few rounds of Lonely Blade: Resurgence instead.

Today’s workaholic distraction is a marathon of old Under the Knife episodes. It’s been a while since they’ve binged through this show, and when Steven brought it up and she started to feel super nostalgic about it, in a flash their entertainment for the afternoon was selected.

“Gosh, I honestly forgot how good this is,” he says in the middle of an episode, nudging her arm with his elbow. “The satirical nonsense, the passion, the drama? Eh?”

“Yeah, it’s pretty pulpy,” she giggles, nudging him right back. Then, directed at the unhearing characters on screen: “Ughh, Marigold, come on, just go out with him already! We all know you like him!”

“I can’t believe they kept this a slow burn for five entire seasons,” he comments, pursing his lips. “They’re literally perfect for each other!”

Connie throws her arms down against the mattress, palms stretched wide open. “I know, right?? Adrien’s like, a total dreamboat of a man.”

“Yeah, he is pretty cute,” Steven says, an unmistakable blush coloring his face and ears.

Connie pauses upon hearing this, gazing at her boyfriend thoughtfully with a soft smile as he continues to watch this old episode with the same level of investment he exhibited upon its first airing. He props his chin in the cradle of his hands, which of course only further exaggerates the curve of his chubby cheeks. His eyes are blown wide with youthful endeavor, the TV’s glow glinting against his irises in a myriad of continuously shifting colors. He is pretty cute, she thinks, his own adorably smitten words echoing through her mind. And then that blush...

There’s a question she’s had for quite a while but has never asked. Something she’s suspected of him, but had no concrete proof of. The reason? Even if they’re best friends, and now— boyfriend and girlfriend on top of that— the idea of asking him something like this just felt too... what’s the word... invasive. Not that there’s anything wrong with discussing this sort of stuff, no, no, of course not! That’s definitely not what she means. But talking about something as important as this, she just knows it would turn into an in-depth conversation, as most worldly topics tend to do with Steven Universe, and it’s only inevitable this conversation would eventually turn back on her. On why she cared to ask in the first place. And that answer was... well, straightforward, but something she’s not sure she’s ready to broadcast. As if she’s taken command of but a single fragment of Garnet’s future vision, in her restless mind she’s already mapped out what feels like every possible response he could have to her. Most of them are no more than anxiety laced fabrications, things he would never ever dare think of with his upbringing, but believe her when she says she’s been burdened with considering every possible outcome in great, excruciating length.

Now that she knows for sure there’s a strong chance he’s the same way, however... that narrows down these possibilities significantly.

Connie threads her fingers together, gathering the courage.

Come on, you. It’s just Steven. No script, no planning, just... say it!

She opens her mouth to speak before her anxiety laden mind can beg to differ.

“By the way, I’ve been meaning to ask- do you like girls and guys?”

Steven glances away from the television set to meet her curiosity head on. “Oh, you mean like, romantically?”

Running in automatic, she nods in confirmation. Here she goes. The answer to both her spoken question, and the question of which river of possibility this conversation will careen down.

He grins, scratching at the side of his neck. “Uh, yeah. Yeah, I guess I do! But I think I could like anyone, really. Guys, gals, none of the above. Doesn’t matter to me. That’s... okay, yes?”

“Silly, of course it’s okay! You don’t need my permission to like who you like. I just asked because I-“ Her heart pounds as she pauses briefly, focusing on the nervous jitters, but not in fear. Not anymore. Instead, that soft fluttering in her heart is nothing less than sheer exhilaration. She parts her lips once more, bravely speaking her inner truth into reality for the first time in her life. “I’m like that too. I... I’m bisexual.”

Her boyfriend’s whole expression lights up so bright she may as well be looking at a newborn star.

“Oh, really? That’s awesome!” he says, throwing an arm around her shoulder to side hug her. (Knowing him, his keen empathetic ability likely led him to sense the internal battle she waltzed through just to state this out loud.)

The forgotten soap opera continues to play in the background as Connie gives a bashful laugh.

“Hehe, glad you think so. You’re actually, um... the first person I’ve ever said that out loud to,” she says, blushing.

Steven looks as if he’s about to say something in response, but then he pauses— fades into a silence that’s deliberate and measured— as he gazes back at her. Drinks in the moment. Wonders how he could be so lucky to hold her trust like this, or how— heck, he could be thinking anything, she has no idea! Unlike him she can only catch small glimpses into how he feels, the truth woven like gossamer threads through his words and actions, but in this one hallowed moment she doesn’t need to guess. The spark of affection dancing within his dark eyes is soft, perhaps softer than he’s ever looked at her before.

More than anything, Connie feels seen. Years back, long before sword training and Gem missions, long before that fateful day she discovered the beautiful temple (it looked like it could very well be a Hindu goddess, and that cultural connection alone made this slice of beach instantly familiar) hidden on the other side of the hill and decided to park herself there with a book, she’d grown used to feeling invisible. Before she bravely chose to step into this world of magic, it’s as if she forgot that she even had a choice to stand out, to openly shine as the unique, extraordinary individual she is. Admittedly, she still struggles with that to this day. But whenever she’s with him, with her Steven? It’s as if her universe explodes into a kaleidoscope of dizzying color where everything is so, so beloved and worthwhile. She’s worthwhile.

She can only hope being with her makes him feel the same way.

“I know it’s silly after everything we’ve been though,” she continues in time, still having a few things on her mind she suddenly has an exhilarating need to set free, “but I always kinda worried that people... would belittle me for it, I guess. Especially my parents. That like, there’s some upper limit to the number of unusual things about my life they’ll accept.”

“It’s not that unusual, though,” Steven says with a shrug. “I mean, Ruby and Sapphire are legally married. Sure, the Gems aren’t exactly women, but they do present that way. And then Pearl was in love with Mom, of course. Oh, and Amethyst once told me, and I quote, that ‘like a whip, I swing in every direction.’”

Connie snorts at this, and even he can’t help but laugh.

“Let’s see, what else...” he muses, peering at the ceiling thoughtfully as he continues to list the queer individuals he knows of. “Jenny, Buck, and Sour Cream are all dating each other. Mr. Smiley finally reconnected for real with his old comedy partner, and they’re dating. And my dad may not be seeing anyone but he’s always been openly pansexual.”

“Well, it’s not usual in my family,” she says glumly, nestling her chin into his bed’s comforter as the terrifying possibility of rejection hits her harder than expected. Her glance roams. On the television screen, the episode they were watching had paused automatically, a message asking if they’re still there popping up. Clearly it’s been a while since anyone’s handled the remote. She blinks past tears, shame settling at the pit of her stomach for even daring to cry them when others have gone through so much worse, and you’re lucky, what do you even have to feel lost about, and suddenly she begins to feels shameful just for feeling shame, and what cyclical, bittersweet irony is that, and what’s wrong with her, why can’t she stop obsessing over distant possibilities that likely have zero chances of coming to pass, why can’t she—

Steven breaks through her downward spiral with a gentle hand on her shoulder, rubbing away the physical evidence of her stress. She melts into his touch, forever smitten by this kind of casual intimacy they get to experience together here, alone. It’s innocent, still merely the wandering hands of two teenagers barely beginning to break the boundaries between close friendship and romance, but when words fail she’s discovered that touch can be a language of its own. And right here, right now, she knows he’s talking her down from the mountain of anxiety she’s marooned herself on. He’s leapt effortlessly into the stormy sky and cradled her in his arms, ready to float back to Earth’s surface together.

Outside, the rain continues to slap in rhythmic sheets against the deck. She shivers. Maybe it’s in reaction to the gloomy weather beyond the sliding glass door, maybe it’s despite it. She has no idea.

Steven scoots forward on his belly a bit, and rolls to his side so they can talk face to face without turning their heads. During this, his shirt rides up— ever so slightly— ambient light catching on the lower facets of his gem. The reassurance found in that beautiful, familiar smile of his is dizzying. “Well, at least no matter what happens with your family, you have more than one, huh?“ he says.

“Yeah,” she breathes shakily, eyes glistening with emotion at the metaphorical hand he’s extending with that statement.

Hopefully it’ll never have to come to that, though.

“I do think my parents will be fine with it, if I ever do tell them,” she continues, dabbing the dampness from her eyes. “Especially my mom. She works with queer patients all the time at the hospital, so she’s pretty used to stuff like that. I just... get anxious sometimes.”

“Yeah, I get that. It’s tough dealing with identity stuff.”

She hums, mind immediately harking to the years he spent doubting his own personhood. Seeking any kind of physical connection she can get, she nuzzles her cheek against his forearm, which he’s currently leaning on. They lay there like that in comfortable silence for a good while. Steven, laying on his side, one hand lazily trailing through her wavy hair, and her, curled up close to his heartbeat, hugging his free arm.

“Hey, while we’re on the topic, can I ask you something?” he asks eventually.

She nods. “Anything.”

“How’d you distinguish bi from pan, when you were figuring all this out? I know they’re pretty similar, and my dad tried to explain it a while ago when I asked, but I still don’t exactly get the nuances.”

Connie shifts to sit up, pursing her lips as she considers her words here. She’s done a lot of research into queer identity in her time, checking out books from the school library and looking up stuff online on incognito mode, but there’s probably still a ton of holes in her knowledge. “Hmm, okay... so I’m no sole authority on any of this of course, but to the best of my knowledge bi means you’re attracted to two or more genders, and pan means you’re attracted to people, but like... their gender isn’t really a factor in the way you experience that at all? I‘m pretty sure? There seems to be a lot of overlap. From what I’ve read people just sorta pick whatever feels the best to them.”

“Huh, that makes sense,” Steven says. “So picking labels is kinda like fusion, then! Whenever I fuse, we decide our own name, and it’s sorta... based on a feeling, y’know?”

“Yeah! And like, with Stevonnie... Even though Amethyst kinda inspired the name, they still had to figure out who they were as a person on their own.”

“Exactly! And then, even if two fusions are made of the same gem types, they could still have different names because they’re different people, and that’s what they choose. Anyways, that’s just what this reminded me of,” he says, glancing up at her with a bashful smile. “Honestly... I don’t actually know how I identify.”

The corner of her lips edge upwards. “That’s fine,” she reassures him with a pat, “it took me a while to sort through all this stuff.”

“I really wanna figure it out, have a word for it, but nothing’s clicked yet. For a while I thought I was pansexual like my dad, but that didn’t quite... feel right. Like—“ he too shifts to sit up, folding his feet under his legs as he continues to speak— “I love getting to kiss you, but no offense, I don’t... know if I'll ever want to have- to do anything more than that, y’know?”

She snickers at his inability to simply say the word sex. He’s seventeen now, he knows full well what that is, yet still his faux innocence on the matter remains. It’s one of his charms.

“None taken. Love and attraction is a bizarre, complicated world.”

“You can say that again.”

“Bogus.”

“Whack,” he agrees with a playful grin. Reaching for the remote, he presses play a few times to wake up their streaming site. The episode starts up right where it left off, and they continue to watch together, the air somehow feeling sweeter after her much needed release of emotion.

The satirical medical drama quickly fades into the background, though, as Steven’s hand curls around hers.

“Hey,” he says quietly, blushing. “Even if I don’t know everything about labels yet, I do know one thing for sure.”

She raises a curious brow. “What?”

“I know I love you.”

And before she can open her mouth to respond in kind, he’s kissing her cheek, swooping in like a bandit just like she did for the first time all those months ago, and her heart swells with affection for this boy. He leaves her with one kiss, then two. At the exact moment she turns her head to reciprocate— to sneak a gentle kiss to his cheek right back— he turns as well and she ends up meeting him at the lips. It’s but a quick peck, but she's almost floating. The two of them stifle a laugh as they gaze at each other, their noses almost brushing together.

“Hey, it stopped raining,” he comments then, grinning against her cheek.

She drapes her arms around his shoulders, and hugs him close. Her eyes trail to the glass sliding door. The clouds outside are still thick, but after releasing their load they’re visibly lighter now.

“Yeah,” she breathes, feeling her muscles finally relax as she sinks into her best friend’s embrace. “Yeah, I guess it finally has.”

[apelcini]

💋🌹 🔥🍊📙😊⭐💛 🌳🍐💙🌸💗 ik it's a lot sorry sdghf letting you decide which oc you wanna do

💋 How affectionate are they with their friends? Their family? Their romantic partner(s) (if they have any)? Are they more physical or emotional when it comes to displaying their affection? Why?

Mymlanslös is aloof and withdrawn, but that’s actually a good thing for her. Back when she lived with her mother she had to shout and fight and scrap for any attention, constantly, and all she wanted to do was exist without having to fight for space. She’s a real loud problem child when she first comes to live with her pappas, but she slowly learns that this is a home with room enough for her. She starts to get quieter and smaller as she shrinks back to her intended size, and moomin is really worried about her, but snufkin assures him that she’s fine. Now her family mostly gives her affection verbally, and they wait for her to come to them for physical affection, which she’s starting to do more and more. On that note, when she gets older, she starts to get more and more irritated by interaction with her hair, compliments and brushing and braiding and all, until one day when she’s 14 she chops it all off, the whole red signal flame that she’s just got to tie into a bun and then she’s a mymble, a woman who has so many children she can’t love them all. She never grows it out again.

🌹 How easy is it for them to connect with others and make friends? On the flip side how easy is it for them to make an enemy of someone? Are they the kind of person who hangs around the food table at a party and never talks to anyone or are they the type who can talk to anyone?

Nellie and Oliver are both outcasts. She’s autistic and jew(ish?) and aroaceagender, he’s fat and trans and probably adhd. They met in kindergarten and stayed friends out of pure luck of finding someone like them (this is NOT unrealistic don’t @ me this is personal experience). Oliver wanted to connect but he just got so tired of everyone he became very abrasive to people he didn’t already like. Nellie just.. doesn’t care. She connects when she can but honestly she finds most human connection lacking. They’re the type to hang out back at a dance and goof off.

🔥 Give us a list of general likes and dislikes, such as colours, textures, music, weather and other stuff!

Nellie likes frogs and crunchy leaves and cold air on her face. she loves sweaters but she hates the wool texture, but she refuses to just wear oversized hoodies because she’s too pretentious. Her favorite color is actually purple (like plum) but she looks better in warm tones. She doesn’t really like blue and green, and she doesn’t like pastels. She doesn’t like sun because then it’s too warm for sweaters and it’s far too bright. Her favorite music is actually ragtime, but anything that’s not synth is pretty good in her book (she’s autistic and it grates her). She’s a goth in bright colors, really.

🍊 What is your OC’s favourite meal? Snack? Dessert? Drink? Any reasons behind this besides liking how it tastes?

I’m gonna share least favorite meal, because it’s funnier. Fillikin HATES fish. Despises it. Her mother hated it too and never fed it to her, and she never got used to it. it’s an essential travel staple especially when traveling with Snufkin but she just. cannot stomach it. When she first came to live with her pappas, back when they weren’t really her pappas but were these two queer men in the woods who took her in and she wanted to impress them she pretended she enjoyed fish. It wasn’t very convincing, and Snufkin mysteriously started having bad luck with fishing, often only managing a decent catch once a month. This went on for as long as was needed until she confessed that she didn’t like it. Her favorite food will always be her Moominpappa’s blueberry pancakes :-)

📙 What kind of subjects (of conversation, of discussion, in school or whatever) does your OC find interesting or engaging or that they can talk for hours about? What kind of stuff do they just find fun? What things bore your OC to tears and they couldn’t care less about? Why?

Nellie loooves history. She can talk for hours about it, and she does her best to research what REALLY happened. She knows huge swathes of the Dewey decimal system because the internet in her town sucks. This skill is just a neat little quirk based off of my own experience as a history nerd.

She hates English class, she’s smart and good at puzzles but she can’t figure out riddles and metaphors and anything with words. She’s story driven but language itself doesn’t come easily, at least not in a way that makes sense to other people, and she’s so frustrated and jealous of people who can write poetry and stuff.

😊 What can make your OC smile even when they’re feeling down? What cheers them up and makes everything feel better for them? Is your OC genrally a happy person and do they enjoy making others smile? What about your OC makes others happy?

Peter likes to get in his car and drive out of town, just drive and he’s alone in the car and on the road and the scenery changes. He’ll drive half an hour or so out, chill for a bit, and then drive back home. He likes the distance, it clears his head. He’s a somewhat high strung person despite being pretty hands-off. No one really comes to him for emotional support, but he’s pretty good at solving problems so people who know him come to him for that.

⭐ What is your OC afraid of? Any crippling phobias or some such? How do they act when scared and what helps them calm down? Does anyone ever find your OC scary? Why?

Nellie: watching it all disappear and she can’t stop it, it’s turning to ash in her hands and her loved ones are in danger and there’s nothing she can do. Being a bad person through inaction, letting awful people get away with awful things. Also being stalked or followed in the dark, she has a huge phobia of night monsters which is pretty reasonable when you consider where she lives. She carries around a big flashlight for this reason.

💛 In general, how in control of their emotions is your OC? Do they have a good hold on them or do their emotions control them, not the other way around? What do you think is the reason behind this and is your OC ever concerned about their lack of or good control?

Peter is remarkably good with his emotions for a teenaged boy. Unfortunately, he’s not very good with his emotions for someone who’s co-parenting a teen. Nellie and peter’s mother has her head in the cloud, and Peter’s been filling in for the gaps in her memory for as long as he could remember. He’s very good at compartmentalizing and repressing, but he’s got no clue how to actually deal with his emotions. He’s proud of himself for this and is willfully ignoring the inevitable breakdown when he leaves home.

🌳 Compare your OC to themself from 10 years ago. How has their mental state changed since then, how have they aged and grown up? Would they say they’re in a better place than they were back then or do they need help? What advice would they give their younger self? What advice would their younger self give to them now?

Nellie would tell her younger self to keep writing, even if out of spite. To not stop. To not listen to the people who tell her to stop, because she did stop and it was relief at the time but now she really, really regrets it. Now she’s past the point where she can write bad prose in confidence and practice without breaking down, and to her it’s too late to ever start. Her younger self would tell her that adults aren’t all bad, that they want to help you, that they don’t all hate you. She’d tell her that people are worth reaching out to. After all, she reached out to Oliver.

🍐 What is your OC’s mentality? Are they overall positive? Negative? A bit of both? Describe their thought patterns and reasoning behind their choice making!

She’s... passionate. Nellie believes in people being fundamentally human and having a great capacity for both good and evil, and she is always enraged when people turn to evil. Her mother may not have made her lunch every day, but she did impart some wisdom on her and Nellie’s gonna use it. She believes in compassion and friendship to a frankly naive degree, and is always torn when she has to fight a monster. Oliver is more cynical and bitter and jaded, since his parents aren’t forgetful but just very cold. Go to school and spar with your classmates for survival, go home and jostle with your siblings for survival, wrestle your parents for your rights, bump into a beast and fight it. It’s all the same. He thinks she’s being silly when she tries to befriend these abominations and he’s worried for her safety. She thinks he’s being cruel. This is their main source of tension.

💙 What did your OC want to be when they grew up and why? Did they have any lifelong dreams or ambitions they never got to work on or are they currently working to achieve this dream? Has their life taken a very unexpected turn and put all these plans on hold for a while or have they given up on any dreams?

Nellie always wanted to be a writer, she wanted to write historical fiction. She tried to keep this dream alive, she tried so hard, but relentless ableism from the public school whittled away at this tree until it fell with a whimper. She wants to be an engineer now. She’s good at math, it’s like a puzzle. A very boring puzzle. She‘ll get a job and pay the bills.

🌸 What does your OC’s voice sound like? Their laugh? Are they good at singing? Do they have an accent?

Oliver has a voice that’s like a mix of cavetown’s earlier work and Sidney gish. It’s a nice voice but he hates it so much. He snorts when he laughs and his voice is even higher when he sings. No one there really has an accent besides the backwoods slur (how about it sounds like howa bowdit, twenty rhymes with honey). Nellie’s voice is lower than his and she doesn’t even CARE. He hates every sound that comes out of his mouth but it’s not enough to stop him from talking, he has too many opinions for that.

💗 What would your OC say is their best feature? Why? What do their friends / family / lover(s) / people they know think is their best feature and why?

Fillikin likes her hair. It’s wild, it’s windswept, it’s tangled, it’s a mess. It drives her moominpappa insane but he can’t do anything about it because it’s her hair and she has the right to let it grow into an abomination instead of brushing it. It is the ultimate fuck you to her mother who was oh so attached to her only daughter’s hair. It gets so bad at one point that she gets her matt stuck to a tree while traveling and Snufkinpappa has to chop it off with his knife to get her free. The cut is messy and terrible and she’s DELIGHTED. She swears she’s gonna keep it so ugly and choppy forever but she forgets to cut it, and it gets long and matted until she gets stuck to something again.

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