#every day i grow more and more insane about these 3 god bless

[ejnherjar]

collection of mdrnnk doodles from the past few days 😘

[mikarchive2]

what i read in february 2023 📚

1. teatro grottesco by thomas ligotti - ★★★★ - picked this up because i randomly read one of his short stories on a train once and was so enamoured ... a short story collection centered around a subtle existential sort of horror that is less about gore and violence and more about something unknown but dreadful lurking in your peripheral vision . some of these, especially the ones from the deformations section, felt very welcome to night vale . delicious . makes you feel like a kid listening to scary campfire stories . i enjoy hanging out in the world created by this narrative voice so much

favourites: purity, the town manager, the clown puppet, my case for retributive action + in a foreign town, in a foreign land

2. the raven and the reindeer by t. kingfisher - ★★ - i think what im doing here is trying to read a fairytale retelling every month 👍 ... this really did not work for me though . the writing style felt so childish ( this could have been a book for twelve year olds ) + the story did not go anywhere and stayed extremely surface-level throughout the whole book . yeah sure there were lesbians but no actual substance whatsoever . the reading process was somewhat enjoyable because the humor was alright, but thats pretty much the only redeeming quality

3. the world keeps ending, and the world goes on by franny choi - ★★★ - i believe this is a case of ‘its not you its me’ because even though the way the author plays with language is straight up fascinating something about her poetry never clicks with me . i had the exact same issue with soft science as well - there is a certain detachment and coldness to her style that doesnt allow me to properly process the poems on an emotional level . still, i really liked the fourth section, it was so imaginative and full of the kind of resilience that is only born out of utter hopelessness

4. the passion by jeanette winterson - ★★★ - unfortunately i have the same issue here as with franny choi - something in me just always refuses to click with jeanette winterson . the author is trying to lead me somewhere by the hand but she is always slightly out of reach . this is my third book by her and while i can see and appreciate her craft it just never leaves a lasting impression on me its so strange ... i enjoyed the imagery + the philosophical ideas about love and passion but the story itself ... i dont know

5. the sandman: world’s end ( vol. 8 ) by neil gaiman - reread - i am not rating these god bless and putting them in the review post is probably not a good idea either since i ramble about them enough as is . what can i even say about a series that pretty much formed the way i understand the world and the human condition . stories within stories within stories . the foreshadowing here is insane and probably unnoticeable unless you are rereading . its hard to say what the writing process here was actually like perhaps it was way more spontaneous than i imagine but it all seems so meticulously and purposefully planned its just stunning

( + two books i left unfinished last year because of my broken ebook reader and decided to finish this month: )

6. wyrd sisters by terry pratchett - ★★★ - ( looks above ) my reading order here is very ‘frequently bought together’ ‘do not separate them’ huh ... this was very shakespearean which was fun but not ideal for me personally because it means some things definitely flew right over my head . i think i enjoyed equal rites a little more ? however at the end of the day its just your typical discworld novel i laughed i witnessed some well-written women and losermen i laughed some more . what else could i ask for

7. when i grow up i want to be a list of further possibilities by chen chen - ★★★★ - wonderfully heart-warming and radiant and witty and has the power to restore your belief in love and tenderness at least for a moment . this kind of literal and confessional american poetry usually isnt for me but miraculously chen chen made it work ! basically the hype is well deserved

up next: im actually not sure im trying to slow down since i need to get through some college textbooks 💔 ... + im sure want to finish the sandman which is really enough for the next one thousand years . considering mrs. dalloway by virginia woolf too someone called it a spring read once and ive wanted to read it during this season ever since

[kennieswrld]

I Always Want To Die (Sometimes)

TW! Talks of suicidal ideations, graphic details of abortion and an overarching reference to the 1975.

Three days ago I planned to end my life. I was going to take all of my sleeping pills at once as well as my mood stabilizers. Life felt (and still kinda does) worthless and undeserving of my time or energy. I just wanted to end the numb and dull void that had began growing in my chest since my breasts began to develop.

Most will say that being "emo" is "just a phase" and that "most people grow out of it". I never realized until today that I am not one of those "most people". At first it was a fun and world bending way for me to express myself and take in- (never finished this sentence and I have no idea what I was going to say nor how I was going to finish this paragraph. Maybe it's my love for loving the unknown but I wanted to keep this thought here for a sentiment to the emotions I was going through while writing this at the time. Like where was this going? What was I even trying to say?)

Waking up everyday in absolute depression because you didn't choke on your own spit in your sleep? Yeah buddy, that's not normal. Isolating yourself from the world and pretending that the people on TV understand you better than yourself? That isn't normal. Planning your own death and writing out your own will and eulogy? Not. Normal.

-

That introduction was an attempted post I began writing around 3 months ago from when I'm writing this now. Boy oh boy do I feel like hiding behind my shadow to see my raw emotions in writing. It's weird how in the 3 months since things and feelings have changed drastically. Yet that small voice in the back of my thoughts can still be heard some days.

It's kinda funny revisiting this draft of a post every now and then because I know what prompted me to start writing it in the first place. I was stood up on a date. As humiliatingly dramatic this reaction is to read now, it opened a lot of doors for me.

I still want to disappear sometimes. It comes and goes, it's a packaged deal with living with bipolar. But staying alive 3 months longer is insanely insane (double insane because wow is it a whirlwind of emotions). Over the past few months I've lived my life in a way I have never lived before. I overcame my fear of being happy.

I put myself out of my comfort of my room with my cat. I actually tried continuously communicating with people I enjoyed spending time with instead of listening to my inner selves doubts and anxieties. I let myself become vulnerable to another person who wasn't my closest friend for the first time in ages. And I had an abortion.

It's funny to think that most of my life ending thoughts and intense emotional ranges weren't from my bipolar, but rather my body preparing herself to create a tinier body within itself. It's a comedic blessing in disguise that he stood me up that day. Who knows if I would've even found out about my condition as fast as I did if I were more focused on another person than my own self? I think of that often.

Would I have not payed more mind to the uncomfortable abdominal cramps I was having? Would I have become someone's mother? Would I have become someone's reason for creation that they would've never had the chance to meet in person? Would I have gone through with the loud sobs going through my mind every day during those tumultuous 3 weeks?

I guess it's better to not know. Well, obviously it is since I don't have to live in any of those realities that I often catch myself thinking of. But, the idea of ending my life feels so beyond me now that I've made a life decision to keep my life the way it is rather than inviting a new one in (Totally not saying that the bloody golf ball that fell out of me was a 'life', it's more of a metaphor. For me at least. Please for the love of God support people's choices on what they want to do with their lives and not your opinion on what they should do). I find myself about it a few times every other week if I wallow in myself long enough, but not nearly as much as I did then.

Living with my bipolar and discerning how intertwined it is with who I am has been a rollercoaster to say the least. I have my up's and I definitely have my down's, but since the day I went to the doctor to receive that life altering pill I've felt different. I'm not guilty nor am I depressed over the decision I made that day, but I feel like it was the loudest alarm I've ever woken up to. I needed to climb out of the casket I was allowing it to bury me in.

I overcame my fear of never fitting in and became close friends with people I never thought I would've met during that time in my life. I met a girl who unknowingly to her aided me in visualizing how far deep in my head I was renting for the price of my mental health. For the first time in the 20 years I've been alive, I felt normal and as if I belonged somewhere. I still don't know what I'm doing with my life or where my future will take me, but it's less of a dead end feeling as it used to be. It is what it is. I can't worry about things I have no control over. But, I can enjoy every second I have in this disgusting yet beautiful planet.

I let myself experience loving another person and allowing them to love me back in the most intense way possible. But unlike my past attempts with romantic relationships, I learned how to truly empathize and absorb the differences my partners come with and what it takes and means to love someone properly and honestly. Not for the sake of just doing it just to feel less lonely than when alone. They met me after the ceasing the growth of the could've been big eyed parasite that tried growing in me. As cheesy as it sounds, I felt like it was the end of my story but they helped me start a new chapter. They helped me stare my self-made misery in the eye, and punch it's ugly face in the nose. To trust someone else's words and apply them in my day to day has brightened my days for the better. I thank every deity that could exist for the time spent with that person. Without their presence in my life I don't know how I could have processed that experience alone.

It's funny that this has sounded as if I'm super optimistic everyday but I know if depression drives into my life again my tone will shift from how it sounds now. But maybe it's good that I'm vocalizing the stability and happiness I've curated for myself in the past three months, maybe it will give me hope to live to see the future. Hence the title of this post. I want to learn more on how to bolden the 'sometimes' and strike out the always.

I'm not writing this for your pity, I'm writing this to give myself hope. And maybe anyone who reads this...mostly for myself though because I know I need to see myself saying what I'm thankful to be alive for when my illness tries to stuff me back in that cold and dark casket. It feels isolating living with this illness most days, but I'm not the first nor am I the only person dealing with this. Fuck, even people without bipolar feel this way sometimes. It's nice to know that your sadness isn't permanent, you're just afraid of not being sad because it's all you know. I'm so glad I got that abortion, I'm even happier I didn't let that tiny voice win. I have a cat to feed, and he needs me more than any dark thought that voice tries to convince me with.

tldr: putting my hand on the burning stove really made me change.

[6cular]

hii nassy!<3 am curious abt ur gojo… does he have any secret habits/routines no one is aware of? how does he relieve stress? also, what’s one of his biggest fears? (aaaand, only if u want… does he view megumi as a “blessing” in his life— or simply a boy he’s learned to grow fond of?) <3 <3

hello oh god you asked the right Right questions and i'm gonna get a little deep with them ( and will put it under read more bc i don't wanna annoy people heh ) if you don't mind so listen up to me 👂🏻 ; he visits this specific spot on the beach every morning at five or four am before he starts his day and yes he wakes up early . you know he doesn't even sleep that much lol . but yeah what's that spot ? cheesy but when they were teens , suguru told him he'd like to be buried in here if he died one day because the idiot loved sunset and beaches so much and satoru told him to shut up - but yeah . he goes there every day , sometimes he gets flower and usually the wind takes them somewhere else or the waves wash them away but he's still very careful with the flowers he buys . so if you see a florist near the beach wave at him every time he sees him , don't be surprised . 🤍

but let me tell you another secret routine of his ; this guy has comparably fast metabolism and he's annoying for that because he eats sweets left and right and he's still so fit . but he drinks detox water during the day . it's not very dramatic and shit , he pours it in normal water bottles and nobody knows hehe , tells people it's just his genes that he has flawless skin and perfect body shape but he does some things to stay in shape . detox water is one of them , cleansing his teeth every month , spa days twice a month and hand moisturizers . he's a very luxurious guy and he's grown up that way , in an insanely rich family you know . though nobody really knows about them . heh .

a h , the topic about megumi ,, his little grumpypants .

ok i'm gonna be truthful with you ; gojo was a teenager when he got megu and for a while he wasn't really categorized as a ' grown up ' for a while , still isn't actually . when he took megumi in he thought he was doing what was right , he thought yeah he's not gonna let him end up like his dad did , he thought if he came back from dead and killed toji and toji told him about megumi , there must be a meaning to that ... and gods gojo was so lonely . so yeah , he thought it'll be easy but as the time passed , he realized it's hard .

he had no idea what to do when megumi went to his bedroom and didn't talk to him for days , he didn't know what to do when megumi went nonverbal . when did the schools start ? where do you get the books ?? but what made them grow closer , i think , was tsumiki's condition . yeah she wasn't dead but she might as well be ,, and if i remember correctly that was the day he lost suguru .

then gojo started to see the similarities ; megumi was a difficult kid , he probably snapped at him when he tried to do something fun w him but megumi had that vulnerable heart that he's seen in suguru ─ how easy it was for him to sacrifice himself to save his sister , how eager he was to help people and how people disgusted him . now i'm not saying gojo loves megumi because he's like suguru , no , he started to grow fond of him when he realized that megumi was just as eager about having a good heart that he was . i think one night he just quietly promised him that he will always have the strongest with him . but naturally , gojo likes kids . watching their playfulness and their bright little world just simply makes him happy . he never thought of megumi as a curse , ever , he probably changed his credit cards' passcodes to megumi's birthdate too , he got the exact snacks that he noticed megumi ate more .

gojo was a distant ' family ' simply because he has seen how pure devotion can hurt a sorcerer and even worse , ruin his afterlife , curse him forever . he's seen how great loves can turn into greater hatreds ... he wanted megumi to feel less for him as a ' father ' . that's what sorcerers do anyway ; gojo felt too much and it ruined him , look he can't even stop a curse user that's killing people left and right and we both know that he Can , very easily . heh .

[aressida]

Anons, write your story.

"Boy do I have stories to tell…and tell I will.

Now understand that I'm not counting on anyone wanting to read it mind you, but I figure that if nothing else we all owe history as much our individual insight as to this moment in time as we can. And that's exactly what I plan to do.

Been chewing on it for some time and as this currently insane part of the much larger theater of events going down worldwide comes to some sort of public conclusion, I will 117% be writing a book. I just don't see how to frame it if I don't yet know how it ends.

Seems kinda of pertinent.

The way I see it, generations from now historians, writers, and the like will have rich fields of earth from which to dig. Sure there will be all the videos, news articles, and professionally written books by professional authors…ok, great. But we'd be doing history a disservice is we didn't tell our stories. What happened to us from our individual POV's along the way.

In fact, I'd encourage all of you to at least consider it as well. It doesn't even have to be a book, you could even consider voice/video recordings. Just something that can be saved and passed down only God knows how long which will still speak for us after we're long gone.

Everyone's voice matters. Tell your story.

*and I mean the good, the bad, and the ugly

This moment in time, these 'days of days' if you will, is truly much more consequential than most can even comprehend…yet. Don't ever forget that.

Anyway, something to think about. What a time to be alive." - Awakened Outlaw. 4.10.23.

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My old entry: "I get to write my own story." - Aressida. 12.11.19.

I have the power to learn, grow and heal from anything in my life now. I get to write my own story.

What can you do to make this up to you?

We need to write our own story, be who we are, make our own choices and decisions, and be all we can be. Walk with me and we will figure out where we will go next.

Allow yourself to believe, to have hope and to trust again.

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My old entry: "We lived to talk about it. So what is your story?" - Aressida. 6.4.19.

My mind, heart, and soul speaks, having dreams, learning the path of enlightenment, and saving the world.

But who is willing to sacrifice themselves for it?

Which many were unaware of their effort involved in this experience, this is a sacrifice. Not sacrifice, but total surrender. A ‘death’ of one’s former self. Ego’s Death.

If we return hate for hate, we bat for the dark team and misrepresent the ‘Light.’ Believers are endowed with every tool we need to speak the truth with grace and discern when to not answer.

“Answer not a fool according to his folly, lest thou also be like unto him.“ – Proverbs 26:4.

“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who hath blessed us with all spiritual blessings in heavenly places in Christ.” – Ephesians 1:3.

Armor up guys.

“You can choose to ignore reality, but you cannot ignore the consequences of ignoring reality. If you can build a prison for the mind, then slavery does not require guards with guns, or cells with bars, or even awareness of enslavement.”

Would that be the ‘best’ prison of all?

No one is stopping you.

As long as we help enlighten all one by one to the world, will soon be enlightened as a whole. I am thankful for each new day and I surrender the day by spreading enlightenment to those around me.

The only thing that resonates for me is we have to think for ourselves. We need to take back our sovereignty and place the world that was meant to be. Choices are the time now where everything is out in the open and can be seen.

Question everything and use discernment, otherwise we become the very thing we are trying to change. Let’s remember the first rule: Think for yourself. When we come to different conclusions, discussion is a good thing.

I’d like to think this that – You save the world by saving yourself. Each person saves them selves. You need to learn how to save yourself.

Who is the self? And what are they saving?

Compassion for one self is much harder than that for others. Regardless of a person’s life decisions, or circumstance, the saving can have many meanings. Whether that means, rising above circumstance or crossing to freedom through the act of death.

“Would you like to save the world from the degradation and destruction it seems destined for? Then quietly go to work on your own self-awareness. If you want to awaken all of humanity, then awaken all of yourself. If you want to eliminate the suffering in the world, then eliminate all that is dark and negative in yourself. Truly, the greatest gift you have to give is that of your own self-transformation.” – Lao Tzu.

Always doubt your doubt before you doubt your faith, and endure to the end. Everyone desires the truth, but few are willing a trial by fire.

We lived to talk about it. So what is your story?

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My old entry: "In your story, you are a hero and a villain. You are both." - Aressida. 9.11.20.

Heroes and villains come in all forms. It plays an important role, either as a lesson or a mirror.

Where your choices control your story. Know your character type and plot role. The direction of your journey. When you know your purpose, you can easily differentiate between what is important and what is not. Then you get to make up your own answer, and create your own meaning in life. It is just how life is. I believe it is the same for all of us.

To some I am an antagonist, a villain (guys, malicious destruction is not my style), a hero, and, to some, I am just a person.

The search went deeper as I mature, I have learnt to embrace the existence of my shadow integration, and acknowledging my ancestral trauma and evolutionary past.

In the worst of times, I often chose to be a good person and do the right thing, even if life has taken everything from me unfairly. I chose to live my life. I only get to meet on my own terms, and there are plenty of good reasons for why I am fighting but no good reason ever to hate without reservation.

I am not what you think I am because you are what you think I am.

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To be exact, I started writing on January 4th, 2018. wrote between 900 and 1000 posts for two distinct sites, one using SquareSpace (active) and the other WordPress. (older-inactive)

I am thinking of stepping it up, but I need a strategy. Worldbuilding is such a lengthy process, that I know. I'd like to publish my tale and sharing it with my family is something I truly enjoy doing. I need to start somewhere.

- Aressida. 10.2.24.

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[saras-devotionals]

Quiet Time 2/5

Ephesians 1 NIV

(v. 3-5) “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ. For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love he predestined us for adoption to sonship through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will—”

I’m having a difficult time moving this from my head to my heart. Lately my heart has been numb and indifferent and it’s starting to mirror the way I think God see me. But that’s not accurate. I was chosen, I’m a child of God. In all honesty I don’t feel that way, but regardless of what my feelings tell me, it’s the truth. It always baffles me though, because I’ve done absolutely nothing to deserve His love.

(v. 11) “In him we were also chosen, having been predestined according to the plan of him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of his will,”

‭Further reminding me, it’s according to His plan and will. It’s kinda insane when you really take the time to think about it. That He had this all planned out. That I’m where I’m supposed to be. I’m grateful for where I am in my life right now. But I’ve also been asking Him for help because it still feels like my heart’s not in it and I’m just going through the motions. I wish to be back to where I was, to the love I had before.

(v. 17-18) “I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in his holy people,”

All in all, I think the solution is that I just need to pray more. There’s not much that I can do on my own, really I’m quite powerless. But by petitioning my case to God, He can help me through this all. I don’t want my heart to be hard or numb. I don’t want it to go back to the way it was before because it was painful to live like that. I was isolated, lonely, broken down, felt that I had no purpose to keep me going. I know that it’s not the case for me anymore so I’m trying to move away from those feelings. I just need some help and motivation because right now, I don’t want to face anything, I just feel like giving up when I really really know I shouldn’t.

PRAYER

Dear Heavenly Father,

God, I do want to thank you for another day of life and for being able to wake up earlier than usual today. I thank you for your Word and the quiet time I’m able to have. Thank you for reminding me that this is all in your plan.

I also want to thank you for helping me with my bitterness and anger. Thank you for helping me see the root and the solution. Thank you for listening to my prayers. I should begin to make amends next time I see him because I don’t want my heart to grow bitter again from hurt.

I thank you Lord for the sermon we had yesterday and the baptism as well! I pray that you are pleased with Him and that we can continue to be fruitful.

I also want to thank you for the woman I met yesterday! How amazing it was that we ended up sitting next to each other and I got to introduce her to some of the other sisters! I’m so happy to know that she’s set up for a bible study today. I’m sad I can’t be a part of it, but I’m grateful that she’ll be studying. I pray that you bless it and the sisters involved are able to teach powerfully and that she decides to continue (and that one of these days I can be involved too).

I want to take the time to apologize for my heart. I don’t know what’s wrong with it. These past two mornings I felt no desire to be in your Word and I really had to push myself to read. Why? Why don’t I want to spend time with you anymore? Why do I get frustrated that it’ll take up an hour of my time? Why doesn’t my heart rejoice anymore? Why do I feel like a failure and a fraud? Lord, I pray that you can forgive me of this sin of indifference and avoidance. In whatever way you can help, God please bring me back to the love I had for you.

God, I want to pray for my father. I pray that the MRI can be scheduled soon so that we can know the cause of the issue of his heart. And if it does turn out to be generic, that my siblings and I will know if we’ve got it too.

Lord, I want to pray for everyone in the church that’s dealing with hard times right now. From car accidents, to cancer, to deaths in the family. God I pray that you are with them and offer them the comfort that they can only receive from you.

God, I also want to pray for my week. This is going to be my busiest week so far and I’m feeling very overwhelmed and even though I know you’re going to help me get through it, I just could use some comfort that everything’s going to be alright.

Lord I thank you for everything that you’ve done in my life and I love you dearly.

I pray this in Jesus name,

Amén.

[kittea]

#128

For the lost reader who has stumbled onto my page, the real meaning behind the numbers in my title is that they're the numbered day of the year. So for example, 128 would be day 128 out of 365. 128, aka 8 May, aka my birthday. In the context of this year, it'll be the day I turn 30.

I thought turning 30 would be insanely hard. That at the stroke of midnight, I'd feel this overwhelming grief of growing up alone, of hitting this big 3-0 milestone without you. And even though it did hurt a little, it felt more like a sting than a stab, which surprised me.

I spent it with the people I loved, and who loved me in return. Got deliciously wasted at free-flow drinks with the girls, binged over kbbq with the family, met up with the boys for drinks (and, by the way, caught up with J who updated me about your clique), and had a really incredible meal with him. God. He is such a blessing. I am so grateful for him.

I'm not going to lie - the past weeks have been very rough. Some days, I feel perfectly fine and my mind is crystal clear. On others, the confusion hits me all over again and in an instant, it's as if I'm reliving the incident, and I feel this inane sadness overwhelm me.

Sometimes, when scrolling past my Instagram story archives in a bid to find something else, I scroll past your face and I break down. Every story that has your face is no longer a case of "here we were at ABC eating XYZ", or "here we were celebrating our 4th anniversary". Everything is marred. All the dates are no longer our own, it's relative to when you started talking to her, started seeing her, went overseas with her, started fucking her, etc ---it's now "when we were here celebrating our 4th anniversary, he had already cheated on me"; "this outing in dec was before/after he went to Bali with her". And I get so, so, so, so furious that you betrayed me like that. Why couldn't you have just broken up with me? Why did you have to cheat?

When these moments come, I try so hard to keep it in. I don't tell anyone I'm going through another depressive episode. As much as I want to, and as much as I know he'll understand and support me, I don't tell S because I know this is not his burden to bear. It is mine. And it's only something I can overcome. Plus, as much as I want to share everything with him, it isn't fair to him for him to keep hearing about my ex. And so I keep my mouth shut, I try my best to stop crying, and I pretend everything is okay.

The pain hits in spurts, and today, the wound is extra fresh. How has turning 30 become so much about you, when all I've wanted to do in the past few months is to get over you?

And here's a confession: as much as I'm convinced I'm falling in love with S, I've been so betrayed so often that I'm insanely scared of falling. I don't trust as easily, and doubt creeps into my mind every second of the day. I recognize that this is 100% me and 0% him. Poor boy. I'm so sorry I'm a mess. And so, in a bid to reassure my stupid brain that there's always a back-up plan in place (like a net below a tight rope), I've been looking up 3-room flats and drawing up floor plans of my future bachelorette home. At the very least, if things don't work (I'm also convinced part of the reason why we're not official yet is because of my insecurity and overthinking), I still have an independent big boss girl plan to rely on.

At the very least.

And as much as I'm trying my best not to hope and fall too fast, I can feel it coming, like a deer caught in the headlights.

[just-a-creep-babe]

I'm back?? Creeps with a really go with the flow, devil-may-care, Not afraid of death, Chill SO? [EX: *meets creeps* Wow, okay, this is my life now I guess. || Same stuff as always! *helps hide body* || You wanna fly into the Bermuda triangle and live to stream it? Heck yeah, she'll bring spicy sour patch kids. || Don't worry! I'm still in shock! Can't feel a thing! || '*does something stupid* we survived? Brilliant. Love it when that happens. ] Thanks!♡

~Requests are closed but commissions are open~

Masterlist: x

Slenderman

Jfc—why?

He’s already worried about litcherally everyone else in the mansion, now you too?

He is Quite Concerned™️

Lowkey more concerned for you over the others but that’s a given tbh

Honestly questions how tf you’ve manage to make it this far without dying

He makes it his personal mission to keep you safe at all costs—no matter what

So on the bright side, you sort of inherit this ancient eldritch being as a personal bodyguard!

But on the not-so bright side, said being just doesn’t let ya have any fun around here >:/

Will physically restrain you from doing something stupid so you don’t get caught up in anything dangerous

Starts considering giving you a curfew or smthg because even he can’t keep up with the stuff you get pulled into

But he respects you too much for that, ofc, so he just begrudgingly accepts that you’ll keep doing you—no matter how irresponsible or dangerous it might be :”)

Still loves you despite the heart attacks you nearly put him through every other day :)

Jeff the Killer

This 👏mans 👏will 👏love 👏you 👏forever 👏

At first, admittedly, he’s a teensy bit put off by your nonchalance because how can someone actually be that laid back all the time??

But once he adjusts to it & realizes that you aren’t, in fact, faking it for whatever reason, he’ll be completely & utterly enamored with you

Like,, he can do a bunch of stupid shit & drag you along into it & you won’t freak out??

Sign 👏him 👏up 👏

Loves not having to worry about you sanity tbh—there’s no need to hide all the dangerous crap he does because he knows you won’t worry ^^

And homeboy most definitely will take advantage of your go-with-the-flow nature

He’s got a taste for danger & doing stupid shit—how could he not bring you along with him?

If/when y’all get caught & put in trouble tho, he’ll take the blame so that you don’t suffer for something that was most likely his idea

Jeff? Doing the right thing? It may be more likely than you think 🤔

It still sometimes unnerves him just how chill you are with everything, but hey, he can’t let you outdo him in badass-ness, so he’s guaranteed to incite plenty of chaos to prove himself; it’s bound to be an exciting time uwu

BEN Drowned

Oh he is sO down

One of the perks of being dead? He probably can’t die again

So there are absolutely no limits to the insane shenanigans he’s willing to pull off

The fact that you’re just as down to clown makes thing so much better

It gets to the point where someone constantly needs to keep an eye on the both of you so you don’t accidentally end up dying

Cause BEN (and bless his soggy soul) as much as he loves you, tends to forget how fragile human beings can be

So it’s up to the others to make sure your lack of self-preservation doesn’t get you killed

But your fearlessness & nonchalance is like a breath of fresh air!

Things can get a teensy bit boring when you’re immortal, so he’s more than happy to have a badass s/o by his side who’s down for pretty much anything uwu

Y’all get into a bunch of stupid, dangerous & probably illegal shit—but he wouldn’t want it any other way 😘

Eyeless Jack

Similar to Slendaddy, this mans is Concerned™️

He will constantly check you over to see if you need to get patched up because he knows you’re a danger magnet

But at the same time, he doesn’t wanna be too overbearing

Like he definitely has this live & let live mentally (prolly in part due to his diet) so he‘ll try not to bring up too often how nervous he is about your safety & well-being

You’ve accepted him as he is, part demon and all, so he feels like he owes you the same

Even if it does scare the shit out of him because my god what have you gotten yourself into this time??

He’s kinda like a worried mom tbh—he’ll pack you up a lunch & send you off with a “be safe, don’t do anything dangerous, say no to drugs,” and stuff, even despite knowing you probably won’t listen

Homeboy just wants you to grow & experience the world for yourself :”)

Still, he’ll ask the others to keep an eye out for you & to not put you in too much danger

And he’ll totally sometimes follow you from the shadows just to make sure you’re staying safe skdjsjdlsjl

He’s a protective demon boi, what can I say? :)

Masky

He’s,,,, pretty impressed actually

Thinks your nonchalant attitude is kinda badass

Of course he still gets worried, but he’s also prone to forgetting how fragile most people are

His pain tolerance is pretty dang high, so he doesn’t always realize certain things can hurt normal people. Badly

He’ll feel super bad if you get injured with him, but at least homeboy will try to make it up by giving you plenty of sweets & cuddles uwu

He might try to give you a stern talking-to so that you’re more careful, but he knows it won’t stop you from being you

Still, overall, he thinks it’s pretty sweet that you’re down for, like, anything

Will probably wanna take you with him for jobs sometimes—just cause he can & it probably won’t traumatize you too bad :>

Just don’t tell slender

Thinks his bold little s/o is damn cool & lowkey brags abt you all the time uwu

Hoodie

He thinks it’s pretty funny lmfaoo

Is torn between being worried & wanting you safe while also desperately wanting to just be like “fuck it” and do a bunch of stupid shit with you :”)

Will probably take advantage of how you don’t worry much to tag you along in his shenanigans

But at least he’ll make your safety & comfort his utmost top priority uwu

Honestly, he admires how chill you are with shit that’s pretty traumatizing—it’s almost funny that you’re just as brave as he is, considering his line of work and all

It’s,, kinda intriguing to him; homeboy will maybe wanna psychoanalyze you a lil 👀👉👈

You’re just so interesting, he can’t help but be a smidge fascinated 👁👄👁

Really wants to be able to make some good, wild memories with you <3

He’s honestly the perfect balance of protective & adventurous at the same time

Just wants to please his little s/o and keep them safe & happy while fulfilling their need for wild shenanigans :>

Ticci Toby

Oh boy

He is the same

Together, y’all are chaotic af

The creeps know not to leave you unsupervised because shit will go down

The utmost chaotic duo in need of constant watching over & patching up ngl 😅

Seriously, the others are damn near always worried about babysitting you two because you’re both danger magnets

And it doesn’t help that Toby has no concept of danger and/or pain

He’ll try to be super sympathetic if/when you do get injured, but poor boy will be clueless af as to how to help

So more often than not, he’ll end up using himself as a human shield to protect you from danger to make up for it

Either way, y’all get into so much shit, it’s unbelievable

Kinda perfect together but like,, in the worst of ways lmfaooo

[hansoeii]

ooh please rec some gay chinese novels!! i would love to read them! and i hope you’re having the most amazing day because you deserve nothing less💞💞💞

The ones I've read and really enjoyed are Heaven Official's Blessing, Mo Dao Zu Shi and the Scum Villains Self-Saving System! All by MXTX and the classics. My favorite of the bunch is Heaven's Official Blessing :)

I can also very much recommend Faraway Wanderers, Guardian and Sha Po Lang (haven't finished this one yet, but it has a big fan base)! These are all by the author Priest!

My favorite novel ever tho is Dumb Husky and his White Cat Shizun, short 2HA! This one is seriously the best thing I've ever read. It's incredibly long (2.7 million words, I think), and has some very heavy trigger warnings, but god it's such a masterpiece. I've read it almost 3 times now and every time is so damn enjoyable. It's incredibly well written with the most incredible storytelling and insane characters. Though, it's also the most tragic and heartbreaking story you will ever experience. Seriously, whatever story you think broke your heart, 2ha will 100% top that. You can't prepare yourself either. It'll break you in the best way possible. The romance, oh god the romance. It's full of misunderstandings, longing, secret love, hatred, devotion and so much more. I could talk about this forever. Chu Wanning and Mo Ran have the most tragic but beautiful romance I've ever seen. 2HA is by the author Meatbun and she should pay for my therapy after growing attached to this novel.

Anyways, I could talk about this for ages. I hope you can find smth you like! Also don't read 2ha if any of the trigger warnings go too far for you, it's a very heavy novel.

[ah-yes-paris]

beatles harmonies that cured my depression.

It is important that i discuss this. Well, not really important I just really wanted to share. This is in no particular order either it's just the ones that come to the top of my head lol. Feel free to reblog and share your own 😎

1. The "Woahoooah AHHHHH" from When I Get Home.

Not even words can describe the battery power that starts coursing through my veins when I hear this harmony. I cant even,....LIKE HELLO??? i have never heard such a blessing... Such a well-fitting triplet of voices singing a vowel thats made me feel like i can run 10 miles straight. They aren't real. The Beatles, of course. To this day I don't understand how this harmony exists in this universe. My ears melt everytime. One of my favorites, in case you couldn't tell.

2. The obvious.. "yeah yeah yeah YEAHH" from She Loves You :)

LET ME TELL YOU. oh my god let me tell yo u .. Way back when, when I was a new fan... Good lord. I was literally ascending. ASCENDING. i felt every inch of my body start to lift off the ground. Im sure im not the only one who's experienced this. I remember thinking 'how the wiggle wubble do 3 men sound so GOOD TOGETHER' IT DOES NOT ADD UP PEOPLE THE BEATLES HAVE TO BE SOME SORT OF ROBOTIC BOY BAND GROWN IN A LAB THIS ISNT POSSIBLE how do we live on the same dimensional plane that this harmony lives on..

3. "The magical mystery tour, is coming to take you away, Coming to take you away!" from Magical Mystery Tour.

...

guys. Guys you dont understand. This one line, adds, YEARS. LITERAL YEARS TO MY LIFE SPAN. At this point I am fully immortal. The "coming to take you awayyy" makes my heart POUND. i love this song so much... And this line especially... It makes me go insane. Basically the beatles are manic melody genuises that have successfully spread one of the biggest diseases in musical history. Personally, I think this line was a clear example of why.

4. "Last night I said these words to my girl", "Please pleaase me, oh yeah, like i please you...", "...With you! Oh yeah, why do you make me blue" from Please Please Me.

do i even have to say anything. Well, i dont but i will for the sake of the post. There is so much. So much. About this song that I. I cant even,,. I would choose this song over SO MANY BEATLES SONGS DUDE. not that its cause i think its better than all the others but it just holds such a special place in my heart. Its the only song thats Ever made me feel some intense wave of nostalgia for a decade i wasnt even born in. Its one of the songs that continue to make me question the beatles existance. How could something like this ever come to reality. My brain has never been so pleased in its life.

5. "Carve your number on my wall and maybe you will get a call from me" from If I Needed Someone.

The way that this song was added into my Liked playlist SO QUICKLY...... God. I love george. Hes my favorite after all. Rubber Soul as a whole makes me feel warm inside but this song and this one line just hits so much more intensely for some reason... Their voices just flow insanely well and I just DONT UNDERSTAND HOW. its like an angel choir making its way through the clouds as you see the gate to heaven start to appear. Wonderful song and mind-blowing harmony... The beat is so good too and i just explode.

6. The "ahhhhh Ahhhhh AHhhhh *inhale* AHHHhhhh AHHHHH *inhale* AHHHHHH" from Day Tripper.

HOLY JESUS CHIRST THIS SONG HAS SO MUCH TO UNPACK... There are undeniably A BUNCH of other flawless harmonies in this song but my god the beatles knew what they were doing. Thats all I'm going to say really.... But once again. Power. In my veins. A few listens to this song and you'll find yourself having the strength of 1,000 men.

7. "Oh, now", "All I want is you" from Dig a Pony.

FIRST LYRIC... ITS LITERALLY 2 WORDS AND YET IT CONTINUES TO BLOW MY MIND. Something about the "Oh" ...... Its like an arrow passing through my heart I dont even know guys. Im not lying when I say it makes me feel like im floating. It makes me feel like i can quite literally grow wings and fling myself towards the sun. Dont even get me started on "All I want is you".......it literally triples the effect. It makes me go ballistic. The song is just mindless lyrics but the harmonieeesss.....

8. "Ah girlll.... *inhaeahelrlsseeesh* Girrll...." from Girl.

no words. Like. No words. I cant even. I seriously dont need to explain this one. Im just going to drop the isolated vocals version because if you havent listened to it you are MISSING OUT... you thought the originally recorded song was the greatest cause of your heart palpitations? Well you thought WRONG.

THIS IS.

9. "I love youwoowooowoowoooo...", "ask me WHYY..", "I can't believe.. Its happened to MEeee", "i cant concieve *doo doo doo do doo* of anymore *dun dun dun* MISERY" from Ask Me Why.

GOD OK LISTEN im just gonna say this now i absolutely adore and favor the please please me album so much i dont care what anyone says ok im such a sucker for their early sappy love songs ITS SO MANY GOOD HARMONIES ESPECIALLY FROM THIS ONE. MY GOD i listen to this and i feel like im with a lover late at night and we're like at one or the others house keeping each other warm and being all romantic and happy. Specifically the part that goes "ask me whyy I say i love you.. (OOOOHHHOOOO) and im always thinking of youuhoohohoo..." LIKE COME ON PLEAEE IT MAKES ME FEEL SO WARM INSIDE AND I SMILE IN AN INSTANT GOD I LOVE THIS SONG SO MUCH. Whenever i think im sad i go "no im not because Please Please Me." And its like all the sudden everything im sad about just poof disappears!

10. "If theres anything that you want.. IF THERES ANYTHING I CAN DOOOO" from From Me To You.

I am so in love with this song you guys i have no idea I LOVE IT SO MUCH. IT HAS THIS LITTLE SWING TO IT SPECIFICALLY BETWEEN THESE 2 LINES THAT MY BRAIN SEEKS FOR NEARLY EVERY DAY. the amount of blessing i get from this song is more than i can comprehend its literally insane i cant even. How does someone do this how did the beatles make music guys I am seriously so dumbfounded like they just sat there and wrote banger after banger like WHAT. this song makes me believe that life isnt as horrible as it seems and if im lucky enough i can just sing and dance to this song for all of eternity. There are also so many other good harmonies in this one as well...

---

In conclusion the beatles have had a chokehold on me for 3 years but I mean their stupid groundbreaking songs keep drawing me back in so.... This has also made me come to the conclusion that the Beatles simply arent real because I still dont believe a band can not only write consistent hits, but also harmonize in a way that causes me to spin around while doing backflips.

Thank you for your time.

[wonderlustlucas]

jack pot ; part 1 - hwang hyunjin

⇢ prompt You know it’s bad when you’re high as a kite and he’s still on your mind. ⇢ pairing hwang hyunjin x female reader, seo changbin x female reader for like 2 minutes ⇢ word count 7.5k ⇢ genre fluff, angst (not heavy, just in a slow burn kind of way), slight smut ⇢ warnings drug use!!! & lots of it (marijuana), grinding, implied smut ⇢ summary College is a matter of working hard and playing hard. It’s an opportunity to start fresh, to grow as an individual and to blossom with those you befriend. People come and people go, leaving their mark on your life and showing you all the parts of becoming an adult. Some, however, do more than leave their mark. Some take just as much as they give. Things become complicated once they take the entirety of your love because you outright offered it to them.—college!au ; stoner!au ; friends to lovers!au ⇢ a/n yo!!! disclaimer: this initially was going to just be a long one shot but i decided to split it up into 3 parts, so just to let u all know part 1 & 2 does not have a ton of hyunjin interaction, they’re more character/plot building. part 3 is when things will get spicy ♥︎ i hope u enjoy! if u rb make sure to let me know what u thought in the tags mwah also i finally switched from ___ to yn are u guys proud of me :)

prelude.

Sometimes you really, truly, honestly think you could go right ahead and kill Han Jisung.

You say it all the time. Sometimes it’s a simple, “I will literally kill you,” or when you are feeling extra spicy, “Sleep with one eye open tonight.” He, of course, laughs it off like you aren’t vibrating with the urge to kick his kneecaps in. You seriously have lost count of all the times he has brought you to the brink of insanity.

And honestly, you have watched enough murder documentaries on Netflix that you probably could do it, but, you know, spending the rest of your life in prison does not sound that appealing. Plus, there’s the ever-troubling detail that Han Jisung is the closest thing you have to a best friend. So, it sort of goes against your basic human morals to backstab—literally—the most important human in your life.

But he really makes you crazy. Why you agreed to share an apartment with him in the first place is a mystery, but the fact that you leased it again for junior year is what really makes you lose sleep at night. Because, while he may be your best friend, Jisung is the epitome of a little shit. If such a compound word was in the dictionary, it simply would say ‘Han Jisung.’ Somehow, though, it makes you love him even more. Maybe it’s true that ‘opposites attract,’ or, perhaps, maybe it’s because no matter how much embarrassment and general self-loathing he may have caused you in the past, it has benefitted you in the end.

For example, his constant teasing about your lack of friends eventually led to you befriending a group of girls you always admired from afar. His snarky comments concerning your nonexistent social life finally got to you and now you can proudly wear the title of one of the best beer pong players in your class. His presence in general has taught you to stand up for yourself and what you believe in, whether it’s against him, your parents, a toxic friend, hell, even a professor. Proving people wrong, especially Jisung, is your favorite pastime.

Sometimes, though, it’s not that easy.

There’s one area in your life where you have accepted defeat. One area in your life where Jisung has his most fun. One area, or, perhaps one person, where you simply cannot step beyond your comfort zone.

Hwang Hyunjin is your Achilles tendon and Jisung is the arrow. There are times, along with all the times you’ve considered strangling Jisung in his sleep, where you have sat and actually prayed to the gods to send someone else. Someone not nearly as perfect as Hyunjin and someone not nearly as unattainable. Alas, these prayers, hook-ups, Tinder dates, anything to get him off your mind has proved futile; because here you are three years later, stuck with this stupid, absolutely infuriating crush on the only boy who has ever owned your heart because you outright gave it to him.

one.

You are beginning to think the two bubbly junior girls who led the campus tour you attended last year lied about the dining hall.

Correction: they one hundred percent lied.

Because even though the newly renovated food court looks nice—unscratched linoleum floors, shiny marble countertops and all sorts of seating to choose from—there must be something fishy going on with the cooks. Literally. Just last week, an upperclassman had a breakdown when she forked into her tuna (why anyone would want college seafood is another story) to find a worm right there in the middle of it. You have found little shards of glass in the yogurt and bugs even at You-Cook, but that’s all a part of the college experience, right?

“Are you sure there’s no spiders or anything? Did you check?” Beside you, Maddie watches with furrowed brows as you spoon a hefty serving of scrambled eggs onto your plate. Chuckling, you move down to grab a few sausages and a chocolate chip muffin before they are gone for the rest of the day; Lord knows, you are only a month in and carbohydrates have quickly become your emotional support, just like everyone else. “Yes, I checked,” you assure her, hiding a laugh with your hand as she leans over to further scrutinize the eggs, “I didn’t see any arachnids.”

“Good,” she hums, satisfied with your answer, “can you grab a banana muffin for me? They’re usually at the bottom.”

Nodding, you turn back to the blessed muffin basket, pushing away blueberry, corn, double chocolate, all because Maddie has to be different and go for the macadamia nut banana.

“Are those the dinosaur socks they were selling on move-in day?” In front of you, someone asks, and your first instinct is to look down at your feet just to confirm. 8:30 calculus simply turns your brain to mush and remembering how you dressed for the day is near impossible. “Yes!” Laughing, you lift your leg to get a closer look at the cute green t-rexes on skates. “I was sold once I heard they were a dollar.”

Tearing your gaze away from said socks, you look up and suddenly feel as if you have bumped into an angel. Maybe there were spiders in the eggs, deadly poisonous spiders that crawled up the spoon while you weren’t paying attention and bit your hand and now you are dead and this is the angel leading you to the heavens. That, or this simply is the most beautiful human you have ever seen up close and your brain does not know how to process it. Well, maybe that’s a little extreme, but you definitely have never been so starstruck in your life.

The boy in front of you says something but you don’t hear it, senses and thoughts momentarily Off™ as you gawk at him. Aside from the deep undereye bags you all have claimed the past few weeks, this stranger is as close to perfect as you can get. Sure, Seungmin and his roommates are pretty cute—but what the fuck?

Something tells you that you have been silently staring at him, wide-eyed and mouth hanging open for far too long when his brows raise in a mix of confusion and expectation. Shit. What did he say? Synapses suddenly shooting like fireworks in your brain, you desperately try to remember his reply but instead, all you had focused on was the plumpness of his lips as he spoke and not the words themselves.

Clearing your throat, you blink once, twice, hoping you were hallucinating the whole time and the boy in front of you is not Hercules incarnate.

Lucky for you or him, you can’t tell, but he is still as attractive as he was two seconds ago. “Sorry, what?” You blurt, loud, too loud, flinching at the sound of your own voice. Instead of recognizing that you are totally off your rocker, he smiles, a soft, toothy smile that has your muscles turning to goo.

“I said I bought them, too,” cutest-boy-in-the-universe repeats, looking down and you follow his gaze, “my roommates were making fun of me, so I’m glad I finally found someone who bought them.” Alas, as he tugs at the fabric of his jeans to slightly lift the cuff you see that he, too, wears the same socks. You think you’re in love.

“Well, your roommates clearly have no taste,” you deadpan, shakily meeting his eyes once he looks back up. He laughs softly, eyes scrunching at the action and you positively swoon until silence settles over you and he takes the opportunity to regard you, gaze sweeping down your frame and up again. You hold your breath because, 1) holy shit, you would get on your knees for him right now and 2) you suddenly wish you were wearing more than the ‘just-woke-up-to-get-pegged-by-calc’ fit.

“I’m Hyunjin,” he finally says and you release all the air trapped in your lungs. “YN,” you return, grasping his outreached hand and thanking the heavens it is as sweaty as yours. “Well, it was nice to meet you, YN,” Hyunjin proceeds, releasing your hand and offering a gentle smile.

“You too, Mr. Sock Man,” you grin, rocking on your heels and realizing with a pang of disappointment that your breakfast has probably gone cold. Well, that’s okay, because right now you are totally content standing here in the middle of the dining hall, silently staring at this Hyunjin with a stupid smile plastered on your face. And the best part? He apparently is just fine doing that, too.

“YN!” Somewhere behind you, Maddie calls your name and it thrusts you head-first back into reality. “Did you find a banana muffin? I can’t find— oh. Who’s this?” Appearing beside you, visibly shocked having found you in a staring contest with a very tall, very cute boy. “Oh, uh,” you huff out a laugh, scrambling to get yourself together, “Hyunjin, this is Maddie, my roommate. Maddie, this is Hyunjin. We have the same socks.”

Brows shooting up at the puzzling introduction, Maddie bites back a laugh and looks back and forth between you and Hyunjin. “Well, you don’t hear that every day,” smiling to hide her confusion, she offers him a small wave with her hand full of muffin packs, “nice to meet you.”

Hyunjin smiles in return, gaze quickly returning to you. “I’ll be off, then. Gotta get the waffles while they’re still warm. I’ll see you around.”

And before you know it, he’s off toward the other end of the breakfast counter.

“Um, what the fuck?” Maddie whispers excitedly as you make your way toward your usual table, elbow repeatedly jabbing into your side. “I have no idea what just happened. I think I’m dreaming,” you sigh blissfully, relieved to find that Jisung and Seungmin were able to claim your favorite booth. “No, definitely not dreaming. He’s totally into you. You have to hang out.”

“What?” You sputter, nearly tripping over your own two feet. Then, lowering your voice as you near the two boys, “I – no, he isn’t. How can you tell? That was like, the cutest guy I’ve ever talked to, and you think he’s into me?”

“Who’s the cutest guy ever?” Jisung pipes up, eyes lighting up and you curse him and his fucking bat hearing.

“No one,” you grumble, smiling softly at Seungmin when he gets up so you don’t have to sit on the end, leaving Maddie to sit next to the other one. “Is it me?” Jisung grins with a flutter of his eyelashes. He’s convinced the only reason you dislike him is because you’ve actually fallen in love with him, but that’s far from the truth. You don’t even dislike him—he’s just one of the first guys you’ve met who meets your sarcasm with as much ferocity, and that is a hard pill to swallow.

“In your dreams, Han,” you sneer, gracing him with a dramatic eye roll before tearing open the bag of your muffin. Comfortable conversation quickly falls into place as you eat, complaints about your classes, Seungmin trying to convince you to join them at the first party they will be attending while Jisung mocks you for wanting to stay home, Maddie asking where Felix is and Seungmin explaining that he got so high last night he ended up staying up past four playing Overwatch and is currently sleeping past all his classes.

Then, in the midst of guzzling your apple juice, Jisung leans out of his seat to call down the aisle. “Hwang! Come pull a chair over!”

Curiosity peaked, you wipe your mouth with the back of your hand and crane your neck to see over Seungmin’s fat head for who this ‘Hwang’ could be until, like the universe is really trying to kill you, the Hyunjin you met not even ten minutes ago has reached your table. “Hey,” he grins brightly, dabbing up the two boys before he glances to you, mouth promptly falling open. Certain you mirror the same expression, you struggle to find your words as Jisung and Seungmin look between you in shared confusion. “First we share socks, now it’s these dumpheads?”

Ignoring the way they scowl, Hyunjin giggles shamelessly and grabs a chair from an adjacent table to sit at the head of your booth. “It would seem that way.”

“Woah, woah, woah. Slow down. You guys know each other?” Jisung scoffs in disbelief, pointedly looking at you as if you’ve gone and disproved everything he pegged of you. “We just met,” Hyunjin replies with a shy smile, sparing you a quick glance before cutting into his waffle. Jisung looks to you and you offer an affirmative nod.

“And how are you guys friends?” Maddie asks, sensing your panic. “He’s Changbin and Minho’s roommate,” Seungmin answers.

You choke on a mouthful of juice.

“Christ, you good?” Seungmin snickers, offering a few slaps to your back. With a muffled yes, you look to Hyunjin with pleading eyes. “Please don’t tell them I said they have no taste.”

He laughs, arching a brow at you. “No way. They’ll get a kick out of that.”

“Oh, Christ,” faking a cry, you bury your face into your palms, “so much for making friends.”

“It’s okay, YN,” Jisung soothes with faux sympathy, “no one wants to be your friend anyway.”

Scoffing, the table quickly falls silent when you look up with rage in your eyes. “I bet when someone asks your parents about you, they change the subject,” you spit, shooting daggers at him before stabbing your fork into an innocent chunk of egg. To your utmost surprise but total delight, the other three burst into a fit of laughter, leaving you smirking smugly and Jisung sulking.

“Anyway,” Maddie promptly changes the subject back to her chemistry professor who has started every class playing Britney Spears. Tucked away in your corner finishing the last of your sausage and stifling the urge to get up for more, it isn’t until Hyunjin begins to speak do you realize that you have been quietly watching him the entire time. You would blame the soft morning sunshine shining through the windows and illuminating the right side of his face for making him look so ethereal, but you know that isn’t the case; from short, messy black hair, silver hoop earrings, thick, defined brows, the soft curves of his nose and the pouty fullness of his lips, you are totally, completely mesmerized.

And then, the sole of a sneaker is slammed right into your shin. “OW!” You yelp, loud, and for a moment you forget the pain in favor of the embarrassment that comes with the number of heads that turn to look at you. “Sorry. Bit my tongue,” you lie, earning an unconvinced look from Maddie. “Go on,” you nod toward Hyunjin to continue whatever he was saying before directing a furious glare to Jisung, who fails to hide his triumphant smirk as he enthusiastically types on his phone.

Just as you have bent down to rub at your throbbing leg, your phone vibrates twice against the table.

han jisung [now] stop staring, ur lucky hwang is as dense as a rock or he would have left a long time ago bc of you

han jisung [now] so THAT’S the ‘cutest guy ever’ huh? so ur straight after all

Squeezing your hands into fists, you prepare to fire back a reply that will have him crying. But he has different plans.

“Oh, Hyunjin, did YN tell you she’s a dancer, too?” He exaggerates your previous mention of dancing and has the audacity to wink at you. Thanks, Mr. Match Maker.

“Really?” Hyunjin gasps excitedly, eyes lighting up and totally missing the flabbergasted what? that sputters from your lips.

“I – well, no,” you hiss, scowling at Jisung, “I used to do ballet when I was younger but that’s it. Why, though? Do you dance?”

“He’s here on a scholarship,” Seungmin explains, “and minors in creative writing.”

“Oh,” you squeak, glancing to Hyunjin who is all but smiling like a cherub, completely oblivious, “that’s amazing. You must have a crazy schedule.” Chewing the last of his waffle, he hums in agreement. “Yeah, it gets really stressful at times. But it’s worth it,” Hyunjin chuckles. Then fucking winks.

Unable to hold his gaze, you whip your head back around in a panic and reach for the mere sip left of your juice. “Speaking of crazy schedules,” he hums, slapping both Jisung and Seungmin on the shoulders, “I must head out. This was fun. I may start crashing the party more now.” Rising from his seat, Hyunjin swings his bag over a shoulder and grins brightly. Realizing it would be rude to not say goodbye, you force yourself to look back to him and offer a feeble wave.

“And YN, don’t bite your tongue when you eat, yeah?”

You’re going to pass out.

two.

Felix likes to think of you as his corrupted child when it comes to smoking weed.

A few weeks before you would all be returning home for winter break, he came knocking on your door with a proposition. “No one wants to smoke with me. Do you want to?”

This, for sure, was not what you were expecting on a cold Tuesday night in December. Despite the general curiosity and always wanting to ‘try it’ simply to feel like a teenager breaking the rules, you told him you never smoked before. “I know,” he said with a smile, “that’s why I’m asking.”

So, you agreed. Reaching for your hand, Felix snuck you out the window and led you halfway across campus to the junior parking lot, giving you ample opportunities to back out when he felt how badly you were shaking. “Whose car is this?” You laughed in disbelief when he unlocked a beaten-up Nissan near the outskirts of the lot.

“Kim Woojin. The junior?” He replied once you settled in the passenger seat next to him. “Oh.” You blinked, confused. “He lets you smoke in his car?”

“He gets me weed, too,” Felix giggled, reaching into the pockets of his sweatshirt and coming out with two tightly wrapped blunts, each about two inches long, “I’ll turn the heat on a little so we don’t freeze but we have to keep the windows open. I’m not going to have you hotbox for your first time.” You had no idea what that meant, but you agreed nonetheless.

With a brief lesson on what to do that truly made no sense until you tried it for yourself, Felix lit the blunt, took a few small hits to get it started, and then passed it to you. Holding it gingerly between your thumb and index finger, you brought the unlit end to your lips and sucked as he instructed ‘like a straw,’ breathing it into your lungs and ignoring the faint taste of smoke. Unsure of when to stop, it wasn’t until your throat felt as if it was on fire did you realize just how much you had inhaled.

“Shit,” you wheezed, coughing and choking and watching with wide eyes at the amount of cloudy white smoke that left your mouth and nostrils. Passing it back to Felix, you scrambled for the cold water bottle he brought along, downing half of it in one go to soothe the burn. “Good?” He asked, blowing out the window and turning back to you with eyes full of concern.

“Yeah,” you huffed, “give me a few, though.”

Humming in agreement, Felix connected his phone to the car’s Bluetooth and began playing what he calls his ‘getting high playlist,’ and before long, you fell in love with the feeling.

When break was over, you were dying to try it again. Felix was more than happy to be of service.

For all of March, it turned into a daily thing.

Now, you try to smoke only once a week for the sake of not dying, or something.

australian felix kjellberg❤️ [now] come hang at 201?

When the text notification pops up in the corner of your laptop screen amid your YouTube binge, your bones jitter with a mix of dread and excitement.

Dread, because that’s Hyunjin’s room. Excitement, because that’s Hyunjin’s room.

Maddie must hear your sigh. “What’s wrong?” She asks from her cozied position in bed, hand deep in a bag of popcorn.

“It’s Felix,” you start, “but he said to go to Hyunjin’s room.”

She blinks, unfazed. “And? I don’t see the problem here.”

“Well, I don’t know,” you count on your fingers, “first, I don’t know how to act around Hyunjin sober. Second, I don’t know how to act around Hyunjin high. Third, I am very touchy when high. Fourth, Hyunjin is always touchy.”

Maddie scoffs. “That’s a pretty lame argument, YN,” she laughs, “isn’t that what you want to happen?”

“Well,” she’s got a point, “yes, but it still makes me nervous. He makes me nervous.” Closing your laptop, you shimmy out of bed and debate changing out of your cotton shorts and tee shirt. Nah. You’ll probably end up going back to Felix’s and sleeping there. You put a sports bra and deodorant on and call it a day.

Maddie finds this hilarious. “You know what should make you nervous? The fact that you’re usually the only girl getting high with, what? Six guys? You know they all want to fuck you.”

“I try not to think about that, actually,” cringing, you try to erase Felix’s voice when he’s high as a kite or Changbin’s arms from your mind, “and you don’t know that. Sometimes Ryujin and Lia are there. Or, you know, you could always come. You don’t have to smoke, just come hang out. I know you want to give Minho a fat smooch.”

Her nose wrinkles in disgust. “I love you, and I appreciate the invite, but I don’t feel like babysitting a bunch of stoners, even if Minho is there.”

Laughing, all you can offer her is a shrug. “I don’t blame you,” grabbing your phone, wallet, and charger, you make your way over to her and bend over to press a goodnight kiss to her forehead, “if you need me, don’t. I’ll probably be dead.”

“Oh Lord,” Maddie cackles, watching you struggle to open the window, “don’t die. I don’t know what I’ll do.”

“I’ll try,” you grin, military saluting once you’ve managed to flop over the ledge. With one last wave, you close the window behind you and thank admissions for giving you a room on the first floor.

[9:34 PM] YN: omw now, gather your forces to help me in :)

Nights in 201 are always interesting. First, their room is on the second floor, so climbing through the window is an experience. Things would be a hell of a lot easier if you could just walk in and out of residence halls as you please, but with the officer at the front desk documenting who comes in and who goes out, there would be a knock at the door at midnight asking you to leave. Second: as Maddie said, 201 means the whole squad is showing up. And when the whole squad shows up, you’re bound to feel a mix of anxiety and desire deep within your bones no matter how hard set you are on Mr. Hwang. And third: you know you’re in for one fucked up night.

[9:42 PM] YN: hereee

Standing awkwardly behind their building, you try and calm the nerves that always come when you know you will be with Hyunjin. Considering how close the two of you have become over the past few months, one would think you would have gotten a grip on those pesky feelings.

Yet again, it’s kind of hard to do that when he looks and acts like that all the time.

When the window slides open, you are expecting Changbin to hang halfway out for you to grab on to with the rest of them holding onto his legs. Instead, a tall, metal ladder of sorts is pushed out until it lands with a thud! at your feet, granting you a perfect staircase into the room.

Well, you certainly don’t see that every day.

Blinking in confusion, you do not know whether to focus on the crowd of boys waving at you from above or this abomination of a stepstool that was practically thrown out a window for you. Accepting the chain of events as just another fever dream of an experience in 201, you shake your head and begin to ascend on shaky legs, graciously taking Jisung’s hand and clinging to both him and Seungmin as they help you into the room. “Thanks,” you huff, giving them both a hug in return to their chivalry. And they dare say it’s dead!

Behind you, Changbin and Hyunjin lift the ladder-stepstool mutation back into the room and it isn’t until they have folded it into a more compact piece and set it against the wall do you speak up.

“Did you… buy a ladder?”

“Yes!” Minho bellows, thrilled by your successful entrance. “Isn’t it great?” After pulling back from a hug, he keeps his hands on your shoulders just to shake you like a bobble-head.

“Yes,” you grunt once he’s released you, head swimming, “a lot easier than hauling both me and Changbin through the window, right?” Looking to said boy, you can’t help but melt into his side when he pulls you close. “No worries,” Changbin beams, rubbing your arm, “at least we have some funny memories now.” When he moves to flop onto his bed, you realize with a shudder that you are alone with Hyunjin.

Well, technically not alone since they are all right there, but alone in the sense that they are not paying attention to you nor him.

“Hey, YN. I missed you,” he singsongs, engulfing you in one of his monster bear hugs. Disregarding the heart palpitations they may cause, Hyunjin’s hugs are truly the best and you wish you would initiate them more if it didn’t seem like such a big deal in that smooth brain of yours. “I missed you, too,” you mutter into his chest, squeezing your arms around him as if to engrave this feeling into your mind forever. “We saw each other, like, five hours ago,” he reminds you, finally pulling back and taking your will to live with him. God, he has no idea.

“And? You’re the only one here who doesn’t make me suicidal,” you lie because, in reality, he actually does. Just in a different way. “Aw,” he coos, large hand squeezing your side and you think you could orgasm on command, “good thing we have tonight, then, yeah?”

“Yeah,” you squeak, finally remembering to breathe when he steps away to sit beside Seungmin on his bed. Suddenly, you are feeling incredibly grateful no one is next to Changbin because, well, 1) he is closer to Felix and 2), you need a distraction.

“Hello, Felix,” you greet the boy sunk deep in a bean bag chair, busy grinding leaves and packing them into the bowl of a bong. “How are you this fine evening, YN?” He asks once you have settled beside Changbin, brows knitting together when the older boy drapes his arm around your waist.

“Good. Tired, though. How ‘bout you?”

“You didn’t have to come if you’re tired! We all know you work your ass off, no one’s gonna judge if you chose to stay home and sleep,” Felix expresses, giving you a look that screams ‘mom.’

“No! I’m not that tired,” you assure him, reaching for his hand and squeezing for extra effect, “you know I wouldn’t miss this. You’ve made me a pothead.”

With a proud smile, he returns to his designated job and begins working on the second, smaller bong. “So,” stretching to set your things on the desk beside Changbin’s bed, you turn to him with a knowing smile, “how’s the album coming?”

“Great!” He beams, eyes lighting up at the topic. “Jisung is a great addition. Did I tell you we started meeting with someone else, too?”

“No, who?”

“He’s a sophomore, Bang Chan?” Somewhere behind you, Felix passes a bong to Jisung for the first hit. “Bang Chan? Holy shit, Binnie,” repeatedly punching his arm to express your excitement, “that’s amazing! I didn’t know he was into music production. Not that I’ve ever talked to him, but.”

“No, I get you,” he hums, giving your side a firm squeeze, “he’s really awesome making beats. I hope we’re successful.” Then, reaching past you, he takes the second bong and a lighter from Felix. When he resituates himself, he’s considerably closer than before. You don’t mind.

“Ladies first?” Changbin offers with a crooked grin, handing them to you. Then, on second thought, he holds onto the lighter to do the honors. “Sure. Thanks,” you laugh, glancing across the room to find everyone arguing over which color to set the lights to as they wait for their high. Bringing the tube to your lips, you offer a miniscule nod to him and then he is setting flame to the bowl. Sucking strong enough to generate bubbles, you unplug the bowl once he stops and breathe in as much as your lungs can handle in one go. Then, once you have exhaled, you quickly finish what’s left in the tube before passing it to Changbin with a pleased smile.

“That was a lot,” he points out once you have handed the bong back to him. “Hey, you’re the one who kept lighting it for thirty seconds. Mother would be proud,” you joke, reciprocating the same service and lighting the bowl until he glares at you beneath his bangs.

The best part about being high is the fact that you are constantly laughing. Things won’t even be that funny, but once someone starts laughing—you’re done for. You laugh so hard it hurts, and then once it’s all over, you realize it wasn’t funny at all. “Has anyone ever told you that you look like a squirrel?” Minho asks Jisung at some point. You absolutely loose it. It quite possibly is the funniest thing you have ever heard.

Pouting, Squirrel Boy leaves Minho alone on his bed to come crash beside you. “How are you, my tender oozing blossom?”

Squinting at him past the way your eyes burn, you make grabby hands and pull him close to wrap your arms around his teeny waist. Changbin grumbles in protest, but he’s too transfixed on the light’s soft in and out fade of different colors to say anything else. “Please, don’t ever call me that again,” you mumble into Jisung’s mop of brown hair.

“What?” He gasps, tilting to look up at you with puppy eyes. “You didn’t like it?”

“Nope,” smiling lazily, you rest your head atop his, “I love you, but I’m not ready for pet names yet.” His face morphs from a frown to one lit with excitement. “Holy shit, did you just say you love me? Do my eyes deceive me?”

“That would be your ‘ears,’ but yes,” you hum, brain simply not capable of denying it the way your sober self would. “More than Changbin?” Jisung whispers.

“Yes, but don’t tell him,” you return quietly, biting back a laugh.

“More than Hyunjin?” He counters. At this, you look up to find said boy sat with his legs to his chest across the room. Next to Seungmin, he looks like a giant; but a happy, pouty giant that keeps talking about how much he could go for a winter melon tea right now.

“Never.”

One and a half (half because it was just the rest of Minho’s terribly big hit that left tears streaming down his cheeks) and an unfinished game of Cards Against Humanity later, you find yourself in a blissful headspace. The song playing quietly through Felix’s speaker makes it feel like you are bouncing down stairs and then going up again, and the lights are oh so pretty, pink fading to red, yellow to green, blue to purple and so on. Things are fuzzy but crystal clear at the same time, the popcorn you’ve been shoveling into your mouth tastes heavenly, and your body feels like it is engulfed in a warm, comforting hug.

Or, that could just be Changbin.

Somewhere in between trying to get more comfortable and him yanking you to stay next to him when you attempted to get up and hug Seungmin for something sweet he said, you now find yourself on your back with a clinging Changbin on your side. You are so comfortable, but also insanely hot, and as you begin to slowly come down from your high as the hours tick by, you begin to realize it’s for another reason.

What started as an innocent hand on your side turned into his thumb rubbing meaningless patterns against your shirt, which then turned into his hand slipping beneath to splay against the warmth of your skin. Growing increasingly needy as the minutes go by, you turn to look at everyone around you. Jisung, who found himself returning to Minho, appears to be passed out with him on the far end of the room. Seungmin, curled up on the floor with a pillow and a heap of blankets. Felix, who finished off the rest of his weed, scrolls aimlessly on his phone still at the peak of his high.

And Hyunjin, who you assume has been fast asleep on his bed for a while now if the arm flung over his face tells you anything. For a moment, you feel sick with sadness. So close, but so far he lies, always a step out of reach. But you can’t deny how Changbin makes you feel—for right now, at least. And it would be a shame to miss out on an opportunity with someone else because the one you want is unattainable.

Right?

Changbin must sense the way your breathing increases, must feel the way your body reacts to the slightest of touches, yet he takes his time. He is soft in the way his hand travels up your arm, rough fingertips grazing over your collarbones before smoothing down over your chest and abdomen. It isn’t until you are about to burst at the seams does he give your ass a strong squeeze and urge your leg over his hips.

“Changbin,” you sigh, biting your lip to keep from whimpering when he begins pressing hot, open-mouthed kisses down the length of your throat. “Please touch me.”

He only makes a sound of agreement, savoring the way you squirm and grip onto his arm for dear life. When he offers an experimental roll of his hips to grind against you, you practically go feral. The last time you were touched in such a way was at a party in the beginning of the semester Jisung and co. physically forced you to go to, and Changbin has barely even touched you and it’s already better than the rushed sex you had that night.

“Wait,” he huffs, pausing his ministrations no matter how difficult it is to do so, “we can’t.”

“What?” You hiss, trying to keep your voice quiet, “why?”

“Because you’re high, and I’m high, and I’m not going to do anything unless you really want me to,” Changbin explains, pressing a gentle kiss to your lips when you frown in response. “But I do want you to,” you huff, chasing his mouth for another, “I trust you one hundred percent.”

“Are you sure, YN?” What about Hyunjin? is what he really means and you know he’s right. You should have never told Felix.

Trying to ignore the wetness of your underwear, you turn to lie on your back. “Whatever. Never mind,” you mumble, and when you glance back to him, you can’t help the way your heart soars with him still pressed closely to your side, blinking tiredly at you. But like he said, it’s not Hyunjin. “Just get some sleep, Binnie. Forget it happened,” smiling past the tears that threaten to spill, you ruffle his hair and press a softer kiss to his forehead.

“I’m sorry,” Changbin whispers, returning the affection with a kiss to your shoulder. In minutes, he is snoring softly beside you.

You can’t fall asleep to save your life.

Reaching for your phone to check the time, you grit your teeth once you realize it’s almost four and you definitely have been staring at the ceiling for more than an hour. For starters, you are freezing now; unlike these passed out hooligans, you are showing a lot more skin and not being under the blankets is not doing you well. And secondly, it’s hard to fall asleep when your thoughts are flying miles a minute.

Is this how it’s going to be, then? Whenever you see someone, will the little guy on your shoulder whisper in your ear that it’s not Hyunjin? Or will people deem you off limits because they know of your infatuation? People who know, at least—Changbin is the first, apparently.

Just need to get comfy, you decide, trying to ignore such thoughts and turning to lie on your stomach. Bless Felix for leaving the lights on, too—you may be coming down from your high, but the vibe is simply immaculate. Tucking a hand under your cheek and following the ropes of light on the ceiling and up the walls, you find this to be enough to calm your nerves. Enough to make your eyelids heavy. Finally.

Someone lets out a monster train snore. Seungmin, you think, biting your lip to keep from laughing. Or, it could be Hyunjin. The thought is so amusing you can’t help but squint at the boy across from you to better see his outline, hoping he will do it again just to confirm.

No, not Hyunjin.

Because he’s facing you, eyes open, a soft smile plastered on his face. Well, fuck.

No reason to panic, you console yourself, returning a gentle smile in the assumption he can even see you. And you stay like that for a while, simply watching one another for an infinite amount of time. It’s not much, but it means something, you think, lost in the way the contours and highlights of his face change with each color the lights fade to. Just as you remember the whole point of getting on your stomach was to fall asleep, Hyunjin moves. Reaching for his phone, you watch in confusion as he brings it close to his face and starts typing.

hwang hyunjin👁👄👁 [now] Come sleep w me?

You almost throw up in your mouth. You must be dreaming. Surely.

Blinking against the harsh light of your phone, you cannot help your smile as you reread the text.

[4:02 am] YN: wont that b a little sus for bin

[4:02 am] hwang hyunjin👁👄👁: If anyone asks just say he kept kicking u or something

You don’t need to be told twice. Now that he has turned onto his side facing the other direction, Changbin does not stir once you slowly move to sit up and stand, nor when you reach for the quilt crumbled at the foot of the bed to pull over him. It’s not much, but hopefully it will keep him from waking in a few hours freezing to death. Then, as you tiptoe your way over to Hyunjin’s bed, avoiding Felix now that he’s sprawled half way off the bean bag, you cannot tell if you are still shivering from the cold or if the fact you are going to be sleepingwith Hyunjin in one, tiny single bed is finally clicking in your brain. Like Maddie said, this is something you want, right?

As you draw closer, Hyunjin shifts to make room and lifts the covers for you to quietly slip beneath. “Thank you,” you whisper, pulling the blanket up to your chin and trying to ignore the feeling of being so close to him. “Of course. You looked real cold over there,” he smiles tiredly. Then, his arm cautiously curls around you to rest by your head, fingers swiping stray hairs away from your face.

“I was,” you admit. Eyes level to his lips, you strain to look him in the eyes to resist the temptation now that he’s pulled you so close. “Changbin fell asleep and I felt bad waking him.”

Hyunjin doesn’t reply. He seems momentarily lost in thought, brows slightly furrowed as he chews on the inside of his lip.

“Do you like him?” He finally asks, voice shaky with hesitation.

“What?” You sputter, shocked at such a presumption. Yet again…

“No, no I don’t. I mean—as a friend, yes, but, you know,” you trail off, squeezing your eyes shut. You desperately wish you were not having this conversation right now. “He was touching you, though. And it looked like you liked it,” Hyunjin whispers, thumb swiping against your cheekbone.

“I mean, well yeah, I did. But I’m not close enough to like him like that. It’s just a physical attraction,” realizing you are discussing what went down with Changbin to Hyunjin, you suddenly pull back and lean up on an elbow to get a better look at him, heat now spreading up your limbs like fire. “Were you watching us, Hwang?”

“Yes,” he admits, “it’s kind of hard not to.” Your heart stops beating.

“I – what?” You manage once you have remembered how to breathe. “I didn’t know you were awake, we wouldn’t have… what do you mean, ‘it’s kind of hard not to?’”

“You know what I mean, YN,” Hyunjin mutters, arm slipping around your waist and pulling you to lie down with him again, this time, your chest pressed to his. “I like looking at you. You’re very pretty.”

You definitely must still be high, because you are seriously having a hard time wrapping your mind around Hyunjin calling you pretty, as well as being so close, and somewhere deep in your mind wonders if he knows. If he knows how your heart is on the line here. Knows that with him moving closer, you are taking a huge risk.

When Hyunjin kisses you, you forget that this could be the worst mistake you’ve made in a long time. Wrapped around his fingers, you pray this is his way of saying he feels the same.

“YN!” You wake to Seungmin gently shaking your shoulder. “YN, wake up. Your phone has been vibrating for twenty minutes now. It’s Maddie.”

The wave of panic washing over you dispels the grogginess you feel from suddenly being yanked from sleep, as well as the recognition of where you are and who you’re with. Frantic, you sit up and nod in thanks to him before taking the call. “Hello?”

“Oh, thank God you answered,” Maddie cries, voice choked, “I’m sorry, I know you’re still out, but I just threw up and I feel so terrible and when I get up I feel so nauseous. Can you come home?”

“Shit, Maddie, don’t apologize,” you whisper, rushing to grab your things as Seungmin unfolds The Ladder as quietly as possible, “I’m leaving now. Don’t move, you don’t want it to get worse. I’ll be there as fast as I can, okay?”

“Okay,” she whimpers before hanging up.

“Thank you, Minnie,” pressing a kiss to his cheek, you begin to climb down. “Is everything okay?” He asks, watching as you go with a worried frown. “Yes, it’s fine. Just a little emergency, don’t worry,” praying no one is out and about watching as you climb from the back of their building, you rush back to help Maddie as fast as you can.

You stay back in your dorm with Maddie for the rest of the weekend, fetching her water and ginger ale and food she can handle, helping her to the restroom, and binging all sorts of shows and movies with her. Seungmin, Jisung, and Minho visit Sunday evening, joining you for a few hours to watch Pokémon. You think it’s just because Minho knew it would be a good opportunity to snuggle with Maddie.

You can’t help but feel disappointed when Hyunjin isn’t with them. You refrained from telling Maddie what happened in 201, too caught up wanting to make sure she was alright, and by now you are starting to feel as if it wasn’t even real. Maybe you made the whole night up in your marijuana-infused brain. And snuggled up with Jisung, you can’t help but wish it was this annoying shit you were falling in love with.

On Monday morning, Hyunjin doesn’t show up for breakfast. On Tuesday, you find out he has been hanging out with a girl he met at his favorite boba joint and apparently won’t shut up about. First, you run back to your dorm to cry to Maddie, having to explain all of Friday night to her. When she leaves for her lab, you call Felix for an emergency smoke session. When Maddie texts that she is going to be out late working on a project, you call Changbin to tell him that you really do want him to.

Like you said, it’s just a physical attraction, right?

⇢ part 2

[astrovian]

the official ranking of RA photoshoot outfits (pt. 1)

as @dykethorin​ said when I first proposed doing this particular ranking,  “Some real Decisions™️ were made” with these shoots y’all

all photoshoot outfits (for part one) under the cut

the official ranking of Daniel Miller outfits here

the official ranking of Adam Price outfits here

the official ranking of Claude Becker outfits here

guys, I’m crying with laughter

hey quick question: what the fuck was this photoshoot??? (and also I need current RA in these poses)

it’s real nice to see a fun, loosey-goosey RA (before he established himself in the broody-character archetype) but there are so many questionable fashion choices here

when I started this list I had two options:

1)     allow some leeway to the older photoshoots because, let’s be real, the early 2000s were an atrocious time for fashion that a lot of us would most rather forget we participated in

2)     judge them by today’s standards, which is harsh but some of these outfits deserve it

naturally, I chose option #2

It’s so hard to even pick where to start. the too-loose pants? the ill-fitting suit jacket? The untucked dress shirt that is for some god-forsaken reason undone in two separate directions??

I have chosen one thing that sums the outfit up as a whole: what monster decided to put the shirt collar over the suit jacket????

the jazz hands scream “hey I’m a FUN guy” but the suit screams “I’m the yo-pro asshole at the office who is so unreliable you’re pretty sure some nepotism must surely have had an influence during the hiring process”

I originally said ‘I guess we should be glad there’s no surfer necklace’ but then I had the horrifying realisation that it’s a 50/50 shot as to whether that would improve this outfit or make it worse. and you know when there’s even slimmest chance a surfer necklace could improve an outfit somehow that it’s time to take a good hard look at yourself

1/10 just because this photoshoot made me genuinely laugh out loud

wait I’m sorry, what-

how on god’s green earth is this the same photoshoot (?) as guys, I’m crying with laughter????

the great thing about these lists is that you are getting my genuine reactions as I progress down the images. I had no idea this was the same photoshoot (?) until approximately 10 seconds after writing guys, I’m crying with laughter

this perfectly encapsulates the duality of man – one moment it’s all goofy jazz hands and the next it’s a hunk-of-the-week moment

this man and guys, I’m crying with laughter are the equivalent of looking at pictures of yourself in high school vs. in your 20s/30s/at your prime. the whiplash is insane

and why is he in front of barred windows?? it appears they were afraid of what would happen if this hunk escaped into the general population

I still can’t believe they kept the collar over the suit jacket though

I’m so conflicted guys, the urge to numerically rank this terrible outfit is strong but uh… as per usual shirtless ones aren’t fair/10

revenge of the killer surfer necklace

do you ever look back at a specific moment in time and are so thankful that someone took one tiny action? one small thing they did in the heat of the moment that probably seemed innocuous at the time but had far-reaching consequences? for example, it might something as simple as deciding to take a umbrella on a bright sunny day only for it to be extremely useful on the way home when the weather turns

this is how I feel about the person who decided RA could leave that top button closed for this shoot

if you squint, you can see the surfer necklace under that top button. and thank god you have to squint

this is such an early 2000s look though. that shirt by itself is fine and would actually look killer with a properly fitted suit nowadays. it’s the shirt dress and loose denim look with makes no sense to me

2/10 for a pretty uninspiring early 2000s outfit

revenge of the uh… 

from the same shoot as revenge of the killer surfer necklace this loses .1 of a mark for adding a jacket, while pretty innocuous, to an already busy outfit

1.9/10

were we really that afraid of legs?

why were we, as a society, so obsessed with loose, ill-fitting pants? why were we so desperate to conceal legs from the general population? what secrets were we trying to hide? I understand the comfort factor on the hand, but on the other did anyone actually have eyes

the sneakers/suit combo I can definitely live with. but those pants (that I’m convinced must be pyjama pants in another life) turns it all into a sloppy, blurry mess

2.7/10

is it a bird? is it a plane? no, it’s… a floating RA?

what is it about photoshoots in the early 2000s where they just make no damn sense. it’s my opinion that the theme/concept of a shoot should not overshadow the subject, and that’s the correct opinion (as well as being the exact opposite as to what’s happening here)

maybe there was a hint or reason as to why floating wizard RA exists in the article that this shoot presumably came with, but I don’t get it. clearly I’m far too literal of a person and need to embrace my inner artist

looks pretty, still weird

moving on the entire point of this post, the outfit, I uh,… oh god

I’m pretty sure this the same (and similar, if not) outfit RA wore in the North & South behind-the-scenes, and how we as a society went from John Thornton’s stiff collar and top hat to this is amazing

maybe we were so obsessed with period dramas back then because it was a nice alternative to indulge our eyes in when we had to face the harsh, cold reality of modern fashion at the time

anyway – trust me, while I am all for a man in a necklace, let’s pray surfer necklaces never come back 2.9/10

I genuinely was looking up “pinstriped jacket jokes” because I couldn’t think of anything off the top of my head but then I realised I don’t need a joke here because pinstriped jackets are a joke all by themselves

I feel like there may be a situation where pinstriped suit jackets might grow on me, but this is not that situation

also I don’t really know where I stand on the belt, but I certainly think I’m leaning towards the ‘why’ part of the scale. if you’re gonna make a belt that prominent in a photoshoot, at least make it a fun belt

3/10

I’m noticing a trend in these photoshoots and it’s these horrific backgrounds

I will admit that the non-patterned suit jacket is going with the jeans a lot better here. but now that my attention isn’t focused on that, all I can see are the dress shoes. WHY DID YOU PUT DRESS SHOES WITH STRAIGHT-LEGGED JEANS???

please someone I am begging you, can we as a society get to tapered jeans already

3.3/10

did RA genuinely ever get put into any clothes that actually fitted him properly at this point in time?

look, I know I’ve been picking on the bootcut jeans & loose attire that plagued us in the early 2000s (or 2006, to be specific to this photoshoot). what can I say, it’s the low-hanging fruit. or loose-hanging, as the case may be

I do appreciate that rich brown leather jacket and that smile. but that’s where it stops. someone take dress shirts and dress shoes away from bootcut denim PLEASE

3.5/10

this is the bad-boy from your hometown in every rom-com ever

as with well this in an interesting development that I can’t say I disapprove of below, the lower rating is simply because from what we can see, it’s just a plain shirt. however, that dipped v-neck? mm-mmm

look at that smirk. this man knows what he’s doing to us, dammit.

why do you persist in hurting us this way 4/10 

well this in an interesting development that I can’t say I disapprove of

god bless the person who said we need this shirt wet and clinging and only half-soaked

I’m so sad that I have to give this such a low ranking because uh… we’ve established I have a weakness for those biceps

this does also get bonus points for the creativity of “only this portion of your shirt needs to be wet for your close-up” but at the end of the day it is a solitary grey t-shirt even if it is floating in an attractive sea of muscles

4.5/10

the photographer really said ‘who gives a crap about the clothes’, huh?

an interesting shirt! but as much as I love RA’s face, we should be able to see more of the shirt (and the outfit) because uh… it’s hard to make a judgement call on a photoshoot outfit without that

also, it’s just so hard to concentrate on some of these with RA staring into my soul like that

*sigh* 4.6/10

hello sir, are you as kinky as your shirt?

this is one of the few occasions on which I will give the bootleg baggy jeans a pass. interesting choice to go shoeless for all outfits in this shoot – but the way the shirt is all crumpled is annoying me an incessant amount. I am begging you, someone pass this stylist an ironing board PLEASE

4.7/10 for a crinkle-cut RA

all that’s missing is the beer cans

I’m not sure of the short sleeves here. I think with the shirt open as well my brain doesn’t know where to look

HOWEVER, this is an RA from the early 2000s that I can get behind – largely because he’s not drowning in his denim

the nice, plain belt which matches with the shirt? excellent

interesting choice to go with the bare feet – this entire look (and the quality of that concrete floor) screams ‘we’re chilling at a summer party in your parent’s basement in the early 2000s’ if not for one thing – that couch is way too nice looking. am I being too pedantic about this? no. If you’re gonna go for the whole basement party look, you need a couch that’s falling apart and has at least one questionable stain on it

that being said, I would hang out in this man’s basement

it’s a shirtless one so once again, I cannot give a numerical answer/10

I’m not sure if this man is dangerous or is just an idiot

they may have been wanting RA to embrace his inner Daniel Miller here but that is NOT a jacket that should have its collar popped or if it is, it definitely should not be popped that much. just turn the intensity of that pop down by… at least 35%

this look is telling me to embrace my inner lacy, ruffled collar that men in England used to wear around the 1500 - 1600s. I hate it and refute it with every part of my soul

this is what happens when you embrace your inner Daniel a little bit too much 5.6/10

the return of the leg monster

not much to say about this except once again we are terrified to put RA’s legs into well-fitted pants. what secrets are hiding underneath those voluminous billows? will we ever know?

5.8/10

the one that crushed my hopes and dreams and then spat on my corpse

so I admit it, I got really excited because I thought that this was a leopard print shirt and I was like “this is something I did NOT know that I needed until right now”, even if I would argue that it could have been nice in a little bit of a brighter colour. no matter, I thought it was a nice subtle addition to this plain suit and was just very excited at the prospect of RA rocking leopard print even though I almost always hate leopard print in single every form it comes in

and then. upon zooming. a disappointing paisley. sorry, paisley lovers. I hate it

I would also argue here that the pocket square would have been nice in a plain, bright colour rather than another patterned item thrown into the mix. come on stylists, stop letting me down with your pocket squares

also if there is a point where a suit can be too shiny, I think we’ve found it. I could wax floors with that fabric and I’d rather be thinking about RA’s talent & good looks rather than imagining him being used as a human mop

the hand porn is uh… strong with this one 6/10

the hand porn one

the ring is a nice subtle touch but I can’t decide where I stand on this tie. for me, the checks are just a *wee* tad too small. so small that it I’m scared it will turn into one of those optical illusions with a number in it if I stare at it the tie for too long

the pocket square could also have not tried so hard to blend in with the rest of the suit jacket. give me some colour, baby!

Richard really needs to put his hand down so I can actually concentrate on the clothes 6.5/10

 I’m just dotty for this one (I’m so sorry y’all)

so suave. so shiny. I wanna stroke that fabric so bad, it looks so soft

the dots bring a nice yet understated touch to a monotone outfit and GOOD LORD those thighs

they just had to pose him like this to torture us, I’m convinced. also they call him a “commanding gentleman” in the subtitle which is really just unnecessary to verbalise when he’s sitting like this

Someone put me in a rom-com with this man 7.2/10

the modern magician (at least he ain’t floating this time)

I know that the hat should be the focus of this shoot but I can’t get over those shoes

tangentially related, I have never understood why they make men’s dress shoes so excessively long and pointed. these certainly aren’t a good example of this but uh… I don’t understand why men’s dress shoes are clown shoes

I think part of what’s throwing me off is the sockless look. normally I can handle (and even love) it with some shoes but there’s something about the hem of those jeans and those shoes that turn them into slippers when worn sockless

I love the two-tone scarf but what really excites me is the plaid shirt that we can barely see. I’m eternally sad that they had RA hid it in this pose. and also, come one. you could’ve at least gotten a chair with an actual back to it. that can’t be good for his back at all

the one bonus of this outfit is the hat because when do we ever get RA in hats?? and hats that aren’t baseball caps?? a nice, rare touch. but also one which hides most of that face so…

can we talk about the fact that my gut tells me those jean cuffs have been deliberately turned up at the front and all I want in life is to reach into this image and flip them down 7.5/10

*pterodactyl noises*

holy macaroni. that demin shirt. and this shirt’s even a nice lighter denim colour??? and the v-neck?? SIR

I know he’s worn some faux-denim shirts in the last few years (see: Uncle Vanya rehearsal pics) but as outerwear? knocked it out of the park in this one

also I know this is a shirt not a jacket, but this shirt made me think about how I never realised how much I needed RA in jean jackets until today

It could be argued that a nice crew neck cut would work slightly better than the v-neck but that’s really a personal choice

a lovely respite for my weary eyes 7.7/10

a truly, truly blessed image. the sort of image that would bring you endless good luck

I know I’ve given a lot of pants crap on this list but these. these are the ones. these are doing the lord’s work for sure. and god bless the person who decided to shoot from this particular side angle.

and then the shirt?? I’m honestly afraid it may rip if he moves. I could leave or take the tie though. it’s not adding a whole lot to this outfit and I would much rather that shirt be uh… open at the top for a glimpse of uh… well. you know.

this RA outfit laughs in the face of all those early 2000s RA outfits 8.1/10

me running to open my phone every time an RA-related notification pops up

my only sadness is that this shoot was in black & white. we need more action-shot RA shoots!

also the subtle plaid?? *chef’s kiss*

well, I said ‘my only sadness’ but is it also me or are both ends of that tie strangely square? that is throwing me off from an otherwise spectacular photoshoot outfit, I won’t lie

8.5/10 for a man of action

this is what we all like to think we look on the way to work. hate to break it to ya - we don’t

god, that wind-ruffled hair. the rustic look provided by both the suit material & the photo editing. that stare over the top of that coffee mug. the casual ‘I just picked up the paper on my way out this morning’

words fail me

would it be weird if I said I would pay money to be able to run my hands through anyone’s hair that looks as soft and wind-swept as that 8.9/10

the comfiest RA

I love. love. love this outfit, especially the sweater. the pant colour goes extremely well with this one and I’m so glad they didn’t just stick him in jeans. the is the softest, comfiest RA and I love it. this is an RA who you can simultaneously share a beer and takeaway with at home, cuddling up on the sofa while you watch a film, as well as an RA who will take you out to eat fancy pasta at an upscale restaurant.

the choice of sitting on a stool is also great. my only real gripe here is the watch (and even that’s a minor one, really). the watch isn’t THAT bad, but it’s chunky face reminds me slightly of the watches boys in my class would wear in middle school. the watch could be a *wee wee tad* slicker, but really, I’m nitpicking here (and this is the only time I will admit to it)

the more I look at it, the more this becomes one of my fav RA pics. the slight smile. the relaxed pose. the hint of hand porn

weirdly, for some reason this picture gives me the exact same comfy and ‘just chilling out’ feeling as when I hear the song “Kiss Me” by Sixpence None the Richer 9.5/10

[dailyaudiobiblechronological]

3/19/2022 DAB Chronological Transcription

Deuteronomy 24-27

Welcome to the Daily Audio Bible Chronological. I'm China. Today is the 19th day of March. Welcome. Sometimes I forget what day it is or what month it is, but it's March. Welcome. We are more than halfway through, which is insane. And I mean, we are literally so close to the first day of spring, which I'm excited about. Where I live in Tennessee, it's like genuine almost fall is about to happen. But we have always joked about this fake fall and then it's like, oh, just kidding. One last winter spree and then it's like fall. We finally passed our last snowfall last week and now we are moving forward to actual spring. So very excited about that. Today we continue on in the book of Deuteronomy, chapter 24 through 27, and we finish off with the English Standard version for today.

Prayer:

Lord I thank you for Your word. And God, I thank you that it's such a gift to read your word and to better understand you and your heart and where we have been, and that we can find ourselves in these stories where we can grow and learn from the people of long ago. And Lord I thank you that ultimately we just believe that you're faithful and that you're steadfast and that you are the same God from way back when, all the way through now and through all the ages. And I just thank you that there's so much safety and trust in that. And, Lord, I just thank you that ultimately we have Your word to guide our footsteps, that it is meant to be a guide for our lives. And I thank you that we were not just created and left without any sort of help or without any instruction or any stories or testimonies. So I thank you for Your word. And I thank you, Lord, that we have your Holy Spirit, the comfort to guide that is so gently and sweetly convicting us and course correcting us when we allow. And so, Lord, I just thank you for Your word and just for the powerful presence that it holds in our lives. I pray that we would genuinely desire to be in Your word and to seek you out more and to find you. And I thank you that that is the truth, that when we seek you out, we find you. And so, Lord, we love you. And we just say, thank you for setting us up well in this life. And I thank you that you have given us your Son, so that we can have life and life more abundantly. And I pray that we would be diligent to live it more abundantly and it's in Your name, we pray. Amen.

Announcements:

Dailyaudiobible.com is our website. That's what's going on here in the community. That's where you can see what's going on here in the community, how to get connected and stay connected. So be sure to check that out if you have prayer requests and things that we as a community can come alongside of you and to pray over you and encourage you. And then you can call in and pray over them. You can call in at 800-583-2164. And if you listen to the app, you can record them through there and they get sent in here and played at the end of every day's podcast. But that is all for today. I'm China. I love you and I'll be waiting for you here tomorrow.

Community Prayer Line:

Hello, this is Daniel from Fort Lauderdale, Florida. And I'd like to pray over Inge from Denmark. Father, I pray for Inge from Denmark and I thank you for her. I pray for her health with chronic nausea. And I thank you for help and I thank you for the ability to have health and I thank you for the ability to pray over health and I thank you for prayer over health and I thank you for hanging up. I pray these things in Jesus name. Amen. God bless you. Hey, my adorable DABC fam. This is Kingdom Seeker Daniel. Family, I just wanted to acknowledge a couple of DABCers. Hey, Scott Campo of Olen in New York. Hey, I just want to congratulate you, man, for being volunteer for the month of March. Congratulations, man. So proud of you. Keep up the good work, buddy. Chris from Indiana praying for you and your son, your almost 20 year old son. Lord, I'm asking that you would be with Chris's son from Indiana, who is struggling with anxiety, depression, sleeplessness, and just life in general. God, will you come alongside this young man? Will you reach into the depths of his soul and begin to mend the break? I pray that you would minister to his hurt, minister to his pain, minister to the angst in his life, whatever has caused this outbreak of anxiety and depression and sleeplessness in his life, Lord, where you bring up balance spiritually, physically, emotionally and psychologically. And I ask that you would comfort Chris's heart to know that you're at work on behalf of her son in Jesus name. And then for Lisa from Oklahoma, what a joy. What a joy. You are probably in the land of the Bible as we speak. And I just pray that God will renew your strength, that he would give you wisdom, that he would bless your family business, and that in your time there in the Holy Land, you would discover him in a rich and fresh way to enhance your life and everything that you need in Jesus name. Amen.

Good morning, Daily Audio Bible C this is Elizabeth from Delaware calling in. I wanted to thank you for your prayers for Samson Ellis and ask that you continue to lift him up. He's had nodules in his neck that have been undiagnosed until recently in the last couple of weeks, and I have not been able to talk to him because he's been suddenly not able to call me but the reason has been is that nodules on his neck got so large that he was losing his ability to breathe and speak and they rushed him into the hospital, did surgery, did more work on his nodules. By that point they had the results back from the previous surgery and he does have some sort of a cancer in his nodules in his neck. So please lift him up that God would heal this. That God would continue to fill him with your peace. Samson loves the Lord And Samson is trusting totally in the Lord's healing. He feels God's presence because of God's presence and for all our prayers that we're helping to support him and trust and trust in the Lord. Samson wanted to let you know that he really enjoys listening to DAB and that if we'd also pray that the prison system who has given them the tablets and allows them to listen to DAB every single day will continue to allow them to do that. There's been a message from the prison system saying they're going to be looking at that and they may be taking the tablets away and restricting what websites they can get to and there's many men in prison who enjoy listening to DAB through these tablets. So, Lord, we just lift this up to you the needs of these men and how you reach their heart through the DAB. We ask that you continue to do that and she's a precious Holy name. And Lord, we ask you to continue to heal Sam for Sam and by your word, you said that you have compassion on Sam and by your Holy stripes, Sam will be filled. We thank you, Lord that you have set Samson free. Captive free and he shall put free indeed. We pray this all in the Holy and precious and mighty name of Jesus Christ our Lord and savior. Thank you all, my dear warriors. Samson loves you. I love you, too. God bless.

[meganshinsou-tm]

missed you. (m)

☙ pairing: izuku x reader

☙ theme: firefighter deku, megs big beefy hairy deku

☙  cw/tw: slight somno, dirty talk, unprotected sex as always, kind of cute and sweet, toys

☙  a/n-request: I had the need to finally write my big beefy hairy deku. i didn’t emphasize on it much in this piece but it was a start. :3

Izuku lets out a long content sigh the second he’s underneath the warm relaxing stream of water pouring from the shower head. His hands come up to rub firmly at his face before his head hangs low underneath the steady pour and drenches his thick green hair. The man can practically feel the soot and grime already being washed out and opening his eyes he can see it going down the drain as it turns the water on the shower floor black. 

“Ugh,” Izuku groaned before grabbing the shampoo from his caddy and applying a generous amount to his hands.

As he scrubs his scalp deeply, he can’t help the happy sighs and damn near purrs that escape him. There’s really nothing better than a thorough shower after a hellacious call to a house fire. Especially when that shower is his last one at the station after being there for seven days. 

Finally he was going home. At least for the next seven days, then it would be back to the station to repeat it all over again; but that was okay he was used to it and he honestly wouldn’t have it any other way. 

Izuku loved his job, he loved being a firefighter. In a way it made him feel like a hero and well, that was something almost every little boy growing up wanted to be. 

He didn’t mind the strenuous labor, hauling a massive water house back and forth or wearing the thick heavy protective fire gear. The constant intake of black smoke into his lungs or the mundane calls to get cats off the roofs of insanely large houses weren’t shit to him. Izuku loved the thrill and adrenaline and he loved how rewarding it all could be. 

The only con to this job was being away from you. His schedule was pretty good, don’t get him wrong he wouldn’t complain. It was the hours, the days, away from you that he couldn’t stand. The nights having to sleep on a shitty too small mattress at the firehouse compared to the nights sleeping in his own california king sized bed wrapped around you. Waking up to your hair smothering his face and small body clinging to him, the smell of lavender and roses that permanently soaked into your skin. God was that so much better to wake up to than the musk of his crew.

Rinsing out the suds from his hair, Izuku smiled just thinking about how he’d be heading back home in no time; back to that sweet smile and cute face. And its those thoughts alone that have him showering faster and leaving the station at lightning speed.

Then again, once Izuku was walking and unlocking the door through the garage, he wasn’t sure exactly why he rushed. It was nearly three in the morning and you would more than likely be passed out so he wouldn’t get a full on ‘welcome back’ just yet. That still didn’t kill his excitement to crawl into bed and snuggle the fuck out of you. So he made sure to enter the house as quietly as possible, leaving his duffel in the living room to unpack later on during the day. Izuku removed his shoes and started removing pieces of clothing one by one while he made his way to the bedroom. By the time he got there he was in his briefs.

Izuku softly turned the doorknob with one hand, the other scratching at his thick chest hair. A giant yawn left his lips and his feet dragged lightly across the carpeted floor. He smiled warmly when he saw that you were indeed laid in bed and fast asleep, however his smile very quickly fell and was replaced by his jaw dropping.

“Fuck,” he whispered out into the dimly lit room.

Thanks to the ceiling to floor windows in the bedroom that let bright moonlight shine through them, his emerald eyes were blessed with a very beautiful sight.

Laying on your stomach completely nude, you had one leg hiked up, arms under the pillow your head laid on. On one side of you was one of your very well loved wand vibrators, the bright pink of it being hard to miss. Izuku’s eyes roamed more down your body to your ass so clearly on display before falling between your legs.

“Aww, she must’ve missed me.” Izuku grinned and walked to the edge of the bed.

Still nestled inside of you was a rather large dildo, a small empty lube bottle was discarded next to your thigh. Leaning in closer, Izuku hummed and grabbed the base of the toy gently before very very slowly pulling it out. 

You whimpered lazily into the pillow, hips rolling and your ass rising just the slightest, but you stayed asleep. Izuku licked his bottom lip, watching how your cunt contracted around the dildo as it slid out inch by inch until finally you were left completely empty. And to Izuku’s pleasant surprise, you tried to seek it out again in your slumber with a sleepy whine. 

“Hmm, don’t worry baby,” he whispered on the back of your thigh, knees finally crawling onto the bed, “I promise to fill you back up in no time.”

Izuku placed feather light kisses to your thigh, his large hands rubbing as softly as possible at the warm and plush skin of them. He sat up on his knees, kissing his way up your ass and lower back before taking your hips and turning you over onto your back with the utmost ease.

You sighed and arched your chest, arms stretching above your hand to rest on the pillow. Izuku smiled and continued to rub all over your thighs and hips. His lips showered you in kisses from knee to navel, your ribcage and between the valley of your breasts. And the more he touched and kissed, the more you started to stir.

Soon your lashes were fluttering slowly open only for a few seconds. Your hands moved and found the soft locks of Izuku’s hair and he hummed happily, taking one of them in his own and bringing your palm to his lips to kiss.

“Zuku, you’re home,” you breathed out.

“Yeah baby, I’m home,” he cooed, kissing each fingertip of yours, “I see you tuckered yourself out. Couldn’t wait for me?”

A sleepy pout formed on your lips and you made grabby hands at him.

“Missed you so much.”

Izuku slotted himself between your legs that easily opened for him and let you nuzzle close to him. Eyes still shut and halfway asleep, the tip of your nose brushed up his throat and your hands rubbed at his chest, fingers threading through the thick dark hair of it. 

“I know sweetey, I’m here now, I’m all yours again.”

You sighed at warm lips kissing at your temple and cheeks, the corner of your eye and down to the very edge of your mouth. In your still sleep induced haze, you tried to chase his lips that eluded you, becoming a mess of whines and incoherent mumbles. Izuku couldn’t help but chuckle until he finally gave in and captured your smaller mouth with his own in a slow lingering kiss. You melted further into the mattress and under his weight, slipping back and forth between a deep unconsciousness and also a fully awake high. 

Izuku made sure to keep the kisses sweet and tender in order to make you putty in his hand. Only letting the tip of his tongue slide out enough to outline the edge of your bottom lip until you were keening for more. Without question he gave just that.

Soon your soft and slow sleepy intakes of breath were becoming deeper and frequent. The barely there grip and pets to his chest became more desperate and demanding. You even tugged harshly at a small patch of hair, making Izuku hiss and tug your lip roughly between his teeth. 

“Now baby, you can’t be that desperate for me. Not when that little cunt was still stuffed full, not even a few minutes ago.”

You moaned lazily against his cheek, “No … not the same. N-Need you Zuku.”

Izuku kissed under your jaw, letting one large hand roam down your side until it gripped your hip and pulled it flush against him. Together you moaned when his erection rutted against you. 

“You do huh? Need what, need my fingers,” he questioned before biting at your throat and moving his hand between your legs. “Need them right here, pumping in and out of this cute little pussy I missed so much?” 

Head lolling to the side, you gasped so beautifully when Izuku easily inserted two fingers that it made even him become momentarily breathless. It felt like it had been years since Izuku last saw that pretty blush dust your cheeks in the moonlight, the way your brows knitted and face contorted with unabashed pleasure. He can’t believe that he almost forgot how it felt to have your small hands claw against his skin or your legs try to wrap completely around his large broad waist. 

And the sounds! Fuck the wonderful sounds that fell from your lips.

“Zuku please, more, n-need more,” you breathed out heavily.

Izuku shushed you and dragged the tip of his nose along the curve of your breast, green eyes looking up at your sleepy ones that tried to stay open and on him. 

“Need more what, sweetheart, tell me.”

You tried to respond but words left you when a warm, wet and wide tongue slowly licked over your nipple. Your head fell back further into the pillow and your chest arched, causing more of the soft flesh to enter Izuku’s mouth. And not being one to ignore such a treat, Izuku latched his lips around the pebbled nub and began to suck softly. You moaned so pathetically it could’ve been mistaken for a cry but he knew better and his eyes fluttered shut with a groan. 

“Mmm,” you hummed and rolled your hips along with the speed of Izuku’s fingers inside of you. “I c-can’t think like - fuuck please, please.”

Izuku literally popped off of your nipple, a small string of saliva still connecting him to it. He kissed back up to your mouth and propped up on his elbow, looking down and watching how you came undone beneath him. 

“Okay baby, I’ll help you out. Is it my cock you want? Wanna fall asleep with it inside of you instead of that useless little toy?” 

You nodded with a pout, eyes barely open but still open just enough for Izuku to see them clouded over with lust. He smiled softly, letting his large hand cup your cheek. You instantly nuzzled into it, your small hands coming up and holding onto his wrist and forearm, trembling lips brushing against his palm. 

“Y-Yes, please Zuku. I need you, fuck I need you so bad. I missed you so much.”

Now it was Izuku’s turn to pout. He leaned in and kissed you so softly that you could’ve sworn that maybe you dreamed it but soon his lips were replaced with two large fingers pressing to your lips, covered in your arousal. You moaned, allowing Izuku’s fingers inside your mouth to rest on your tongue before closing it and sucking the digits slowly.

Izuku kissed your forehead and moved his fingers back and forth in your mouth gently, petting at your tongue. “I know, my sweet, sweet girl.”

When Izuku removed his fingers from your mouth, you let out a satisfied gasp and licked your lips before reaching up and grabbing him by the face to pull closer and kiss. Izuku indulged you, even let you control the kisses while he sat up enough to push his briefs down, shimmying his way out of and kicking them off somewhere among the covers. 

You shuddered and whined upon feeling his large cock rub between your legs and against your thigh. Warmth radiated from it and you broke the kissing to look down and moan. When you reached down and took it in your small hand, Izuku groaned. 

“Want .... need it inside me Zuku, please. M-Missed you so much.”

Izuku nodded and took your hand from his cock, interlocking your fingers and pressing your hand down against the mattress on the side of your head. 

“Okay baby, okay. Calm down,” he cooed against your check, moving his hips to position himself and slowly start to fill his cock inside of you, “I’m here now, I’m not going anywhere. You feel me, don't you?” 

A swift thrust, sinking his entire length inside of you, followed his question and you nearly sobbed.

“See,” Izuku panted breathlessly against your neck, “I’m right here.

You moaned weakly and threaded your fingers through thick unruly green hair, pressing your lips to Izuku’s temple. 

Indeed he was there, it wasn’t a hazy dream, wasn’t your mind playing tricks on you. The overwhelming full feeling between your legs as he fucked you slowly in and out, the deep and low groans and moans pouring into your ear and onto your skin - it all let you know that Izuku was right there. 

He was all around you, surrounding you, and you were overjoyed to finally have him back.

“I l-love you so much Izuku,” you breathed out.

Green blissful eyes found yours and a almost dopey smile dressed Izuku’s face before he kissed you sweetly, his hips never once stopping their steady rhythm. 

“And I love you so much more sweetheart. Missed you, fuuck I missed you so much,” he replied through gritted teeth.

His hands gripped yours with more force, shoved them down deeper into the mattress. He was quickly becoming so lost in the feeling of your cunt around his cock after so long being without it. Izuku’s desire to savor and make this moment last was quickly diminishing and he started to fuck with more determination and force. You whimpered and moaned, babbled incoherently beneath him and your body was rocked back and forth. 

Your mouths didn’t stray from each other for too long in between your desperate kissing. They would remain open with silent cries or struggles for air, teeth would snap at each other playfully. 

“A-Ah please, can’t … I can’t - gonna cum Zuku, please.”

Izuku groaned and his eyes rolled, head falling to the crook of your neck. He managed to pull you closer to him, arm wrapped under your lower back and around your waist, helping to aid him in bouncing your body back and forth on his cock. Surely when the both of you woke the hours later there would be bruises along your hips in the shape of his fingers from how tight he held you. 

“It’s okay baby, you can do it, show me how pretty you are when you cum on my cock,” he whispered along your collarbone before sucking at it roughly, sending you over the edge. “That’s it, just like t-that … fuuck look at you, you’re so beautiful.”

Your nails dug into the skin of thick shoulders and your legs locked tightly around Izuku’s broad thick waist as you came. He helped you ride out your orgasm with shallow deep thrusts, his hips flushing against your skin and stilling when he came right after. Izuku’s breathing shuttered and he trembled in the slightest while he emptied inside of you. The feeling of warm cum filling you made you whimper and nuzzle closer into his tight hold. 

In the moments that followed, the two of your caught your breath. Izuku had moved to lay beside you and immediately you curled up against him. He smiled and pet your hair softly as you rubbed the hair on his chest and hummed quietly. 

Izuku let his eyes close and focused on the sweet sound he missed. Focused on how soft your fingertips felt grazing his skin and how warm you were next to him. It didn’t take long before exhaustion finally hit him and he started to doze while pressing a kiss to your head.

You smiled and kissed at his jaw, cupping his cheek and brushing your thumb across the stubble that started to grow upon it. 

“Goodnight my hero,” you spoke softly to Izuku before tucking in close under his chin and following him to sleep.

[w-ngs]

jan21

hello 2021! you did not get off on a good start. let’s try and be a little better, okay?

i didn’t read much this month (and probably won’t be for a long while because of school), but it was a wild month. well, you’ll see.

***

crooked kingdom, leigh bardugo — oh my god???? i completely forgot that i read this before i left for school and almost didn’t include it in my monthly wrap-up????? how dare i forget this masterpiece.

it was great. i loved it. i think overall, i preferred 6oc because heist stories are my guilty pleasure. but romance-wise... let’s just say kaz and inej have made it to my top 10 ships. but also i read through this so fast because i had to finish it before i left that half the story is kinda just not in my brain lololol

the most intriguing part of the entire story was the anti-wraith. her character kind of came out of nowhere, and i’m not really sure she had much of a purpose than being someone who could physically match inej. i guess she was also anti in the sense that she had no respect, just ruthlessness, which is the opposite of inej and what she stands for. but i don’t know if the anti-wraith was significant enough of a character to really be considered a foil.

i don’t really give spoiler warnings because hardly anyone reads these other than myself lolol but big spoiler ahead. skip the next paragraph if you don’t want to know. cuz i accidentally spoiled it for myself before reading and i kinda ruined it for myself lmfao.

poor matthias. he was there, and then he was gone. i feel terrible for nina. they were finally on the same page, and then he had to act all saint-like and trigger some idiot into killing him. and matthias finally came to terms with what he’d been taught and what he was trying to teach himself (#charactergrowth), so he wrapped things up neatly for himself before the bye-bye. but nina, she finally got her guy on her side and they were supposed to change the world together. sigh.

and of course, we got kaz. he’s my favorite. how could he not be, with his trauma and desire to overcome it but not letting it define him and still maintaining that evil genius act he’s so good at. it definitely hit harder in this story, the extent of his trauma. it made him more real, too. both sides of him coexist, and one could not exist without the other. he’s crazy, in nearly all senses of the word. also crazy in love, the mfing idiot. ugh, i love vulnerable kaz. i love what inej brings out in him, how she knows just how hard to push without driving him over the edge. also i saw a tiktok (this app is gonna come up a lot more in the next few reviews fsjdsdfkjdf) with a photo of them kissing with a towel between their mouths because he can’t touch her but he desperately wants to and what a perfect solution is that their... bathroom scene had me holding my breath. or at least taking very shallow breaths. it was intense. so intimate, i felt like i shouldn’t even have been there. ugh, the cute little babies. uwuwuwuwuwu

one last note. leigh bardugo is a very good writer, plot and characters and all. everything flowed much more smoothly in this book, and once again i was impressed by the detail provided. you go girl. i can’t wait to see the tv series development.

a 10/10.

***

the shadows between us, tricia levenseller — literally what did i read lmaooo. this is my first tiktok book recommendation. and it. was. boring. boring characters that didn’t make much sense. boring plot. i skimmed it after the first 50 pages cause it was so boring. that’s it bye.

a 3/10.

***

manacled, senlinyu — um. wow. i literally......... even hours after finishing it my brain is still ridiculously scrambled. edit: it’s about a month later and sometimes random scenes and images still pop in my head for no reason and then i feel all twisted inside again. i love it.

so, this is not a published book but a dramione fanfiction on ao3. i don’t read fanfics that often anymore, mainly because i’d rather read other things, not because i don’t like them. but i found this one because a tiktok that showed the illustrations in the story and i was so blown away by the fact someone would illustrate an entire fanfic that i just had to read it. and i have no regrets. it’s kinda long and a biiit wordy for me at times but holy shit that hit like a mother trucker. and i haven’t read dramione in ages, not since... years. so this really hit different.

the illustrations are beautiful. they’re what dragged me into the story in the first place, so, of course they are. but i’d literally spend minutes looking at every detail in amazement at how perfectly the emotions were captured and the lighting casting the perfect shadows and just… everything. i know nothing about drawing but my eyes were truly blessed.

i think integrating the handmaid’s tale with the hp world was ingenious. i would never have expected that. and wow. the relationship between the two, it’s…….. i can barely put it in words in my mind, and it’s even harder to articulate on paper. complex, but at the same time not, simply the desire for the other to stay alive. timeless. destructive. their only defense from the harsh reality of their situation. desperation at its most desperate, their one and only survival method. depressing. it’s so depressing. i was so sad, the angst almost too much at times.

the flashbacks were insanely intense. and i thought the handmaid section was bad. it was awful to read. i could hardly bear it, it was so dark at times i didn’t know how either of them got through it all. i mean, they barely did. the near-death scares, the constant need to create a blank slate within yourself in order to not overwhelm yourself with crushing emotions… wartime sometimes has a tendency to sound romantic, but theirs wasn’t anything near romantic, and i appreciate that the author chose to be very real about it.

at the beginning, and in the middle when we went through the flashbacks, i was afraid the love would be toxic. and, well, it kind of was at some points. but in a time like that and a situation like theirs, it would be hard to not have a toxic relationship. i was glad that in the end theirs was a good love, the kind that sustained and kept them alive and got them through until the very end, because it was what they needed from each other. and, of course, my favorite part of it all was draco’s ceaseless possessiveness that only seemed to grow, never fade. i love simpy men.

they deserve each other. i was afraid at the end they wouldn’t, that one of them would die—that draco would die because hermione basically did once already for him, so he would have to “return the favor”—also she was pregnant so there was no way she’d be the one to die—idk many theories. but at the end i’m so glad they both ended up alive. after everything, they deserved it.

i did nothing for two days straight but read this book. except eat. and barely sleep. and i have no regrets.

a 9/10.

***

bloodlines, richelle mead — dang. i used to be obsessed with vampire academy when i was in middle school. i even watched the terrible movie that released because of it. and now i can’t believe i really thought that was peak literature lmfaooooo

i remember adrian being such a funny and interesting character that i picked up bloodlines to see if it was gonna be as good as i remembered it was. i was disappointed. it was just... well let’s just say there wasn’t enough to get me invested in the characters as i used to be. i think what it was is that adrian’s characterization was so weak. he wasn’t as ~quirky~ as i remembered him to be haha. the plot was also way too slow-paced, and a little too easy to guess. maybe if i was 12 again i’d be going crazy over it like i used to. but i’m not a pre-teen anymore and my brain craves stuff along the lines of manacled—destruction, death, angst that wants me to pull my own heart out to stop it from hurting.

a 5/10.

[hookedonapirate]

Daddy!kink prompt: I know it’s different than the verse a bit, but what if they didn’t know the other was into that kink? And one day one of them lets it slip? Maybe? I think it could be fun/you’re ridiculously talented and I know you could do it. Thanks!!!!

Oh Daddy Prompts

Summary: Office AU. Killian is Emma's boss, and after a Freudian slip of the tongue, very inappropriate office etiquette ensues ;)

A/N: This one-shot is not related to the original Oh Daddy verse, per request, and so this is a fresh setting entirely. I hope you don’t mind this is not an established relationship, Nonnie. If you’d prefer, I can totally write one where they are in a relationship. 

I also paired this with another prompt from someone who sent their Oh daddy prompts via gifs. But I've only included one in this part and the rest of the gifs will be in another one-shot, probably used together if I can swing it. 

Thank you @itsfabianadocarmo for the delicious banner above!

prompt gif 1

Other Oh Daddy Prompts: 1. You’re being an awfully bad girl l 2. Daddy, can you pass the potatoes? l 3. Better than coffee l 4. Caught In a solo act l 5. Naughty School Girl l 6. Busted l 7. Bless Me, Father I 8. Tell Me When to Grab the Cupcake I 9. Proving a Point

Rated: Explicit

Talk Dirty to Me

Emma has it bad for her boss. She’s been working at his firm for about a year now and has yet to gather the courage to admit her feelings for him. Instead, she keeps telling herself they should remain friendly but professional, and every day, she carries this huge lie on her shoulders, and every day, either he goes into her office to chat with her, or she goes to his, telling herself they’re just good friends and nothing more. She’ll sit on the edge of his desk and they’ll talk about whatever—work, the weather, and anything that comes up naturally in conversation. She’d like to think he feels the same for her—if the way his eyes light up when she enters his office or the smiles he graces her with are any indications. He also has this adorable habit of scratching behind his ear when he’s nervous, and yep he does that when he’s with her.

But if he feels the same way about her, then why hasn’t he said anything or asked her out? Is it because he wants to keep things professional? He’s her boss after all, and if he were seeing any of his other employees, she’d think it was creepy and wrong and unfair (and yes, she'd be insanely jealous), but somehow she doesn’t find it wrong to fantasize about him every night fucking her on his desk or in his chair. She’s not sure if his feelings are mutual, but she’s sure he would’ve said something if he really heard her and Ruby talking about him in the break room a few weeks ago while they were eating lunch from the cafe down the street. 

Emma regrets the day she admitted to her foul-mouthed friend she has feelings for their boss because while Emma tries to forget (but miserably fails every single time) Ruby constantly reminds her.

“You know, Emma, I don’t understand why you don’t just march into Killian’s office, ride him in his chair like he belongs to you, and make him your Daddy.” 

Emma also regrets the time she told Ruby about one of her fantasies which entailed Emma calling him Daddy as he fucked her.

“Hello, ladies,” Killian greeted cheerfully as he entered the break room and headed to the refrigerator.

Fuck.

Emma’s cheeks were on fucking fire, and as soon as Killian turned his back to open the fridge, she shot Ruby a scowl so deadly, she was surprised her friend didn’t burst into flames. Ruby just covered her mouth trying to choke down a laugh. 

Thankfully, Killian said nothing and nuked up some leftovers he’d brought to work and left to eat in his office. 

To this day, Emma still has no idea whether Killian overhead Ruby talking about him. If he did, he never said anything about it.

Emma’s busy running some insurance quotes for a potential client when she hears a tap on the door frame. She stops typing to look up at Killian as he stands in the doorway. 

“Morning, Killian,” she greets, flashing a slight smile.

“Good morning, love. May I come in?”

Oh God, that smooth British accent, that silky voice always does things to her. She clenches her thighs together under her desk. “Yeah, of course.” 

He offers a shy grin and walks over to her desk. “If you get a moment today, can you step into my office?”

Emma gulps. Something tells her he’s not inviting her into his office to shoot the breeze like they normally do. No, this sounds a bit more serious than that. She clears the frog from her throat. “Yeah, sure.” 

“Great, I’ll see you then,” he says before turning around and leaving her office. 

Well, that was disappointing. He didn't even start up a casual conversation like he usually does. And did he seriously just wink at her? What the hell is going on? Is he finally saying something about how Ruby spoke of him? Are they getting written up, or worse, are they getting fired? 

But that was weeks ago.

Emma feels sick to her stomach and pales as she tries to continue with her tasks without constantly wondering what he wants to speak with her about. But she can’t stop worrying. So as soon as she finishes the mountain of work on her desk, she gets up and goes to Killian’s office, which is around the corner. The atmosphere is either very hectic at the end of the day, with people calling and requesting quotes or endorsements at the last minute, or quiet and laid back, and today it’s the latter. Jones Insurance Agency isn’t very big, but because it was just remodeled six months ago and in a prime location downtown, it does pretty well for a small insurance firm in an insignificant town like Storybrrooke. 

Emma takes a deep breath, her hands shaking and her heart racing as she knocks on Killian’s door.

“Come in.”

Emma steps in and shuts the door behind her. Killian’s office has an enormous picture window with a stunning view of the sea, and she always loves gazing out the window on a sunny day or in the evening when the sun is setting. But truthfully, she loves gazing at the owner of said view, who is currently dressed down, with his jacket off, his sleeves rolled up, shirt untucked with the top three buttons undone, exposing some chest hair, and his tie loose around his neck. 

“Hi, love,” Killian says sweetly as he drags a hand through his unruly hair before gathering some papers from his desk. “I wanted to go over these reports for tomorrow’s meeting.”

Emma sighs in relief, her heartbeat slowing a little as she rounds the desk and looks over his shoulder so she can see the papers he’s referring to. 

“You can have a seat if you want, love,” he says, looking up at her.

“No, that’s okay, I’ve been sitting all day,” she laughs. “I’m good where I’m at.” In more ways than one. Even though it’s the end of the day, she can still smell his intoxicating cologne. He smells amazing.

“I won’t be here tomorrow morning, so I need you to lead the sales meeting tomorrow if you don’t mind of course.”

“Yes, I can do that,” she says with a smile.

“Brilliant,” he says appreciatively and goes over the usual topics covered in their meetings, like what their best experience with a client was that week and what was the worst. They always share stories and challenges and ways they can overcome certain challenges. Their jobs aren’t the most exciting—Killian is a Life Insurance agent and the owner of the firm and she’s a home insurance agent—but she has a feeling sex between them would be fantastic.

She changes her mind and takes her usual seat at the edge of his desk because she’s wearing heels and they’re killing her feet. He doesn’t seem to mind though as he discusses sales numbers and quarterly goals and other things she needs to know to lead the meeting tomorrow but honestly, she can’t focus on a word he’s saying because he’s so close to her and she’s watching those soft, sensual lips move as he speaks, watches the way his wet, sinful tongue sweeps across those lips as he flips to the next page. 

She’s imagining all the things he can do to her with that tongue, imagines how good it would feel between her thighs. Emma crosses her legs, feeling herself growing wet at the thought and tries to shake away those sinful thoughts. She really shouldn’t be thinking about her boss in this way, but she can’t help it. She wants to ride him in his chair and fuck him until he cums. She wants to call him Daddy and tell him to fuck her until she can’t walk straight.

“These are some sticky areas, so we must focus on ways we can improve and hit our numbers for the month. I want our sales to be a hundred and ten percent.”

Emma’s mind is too far in the gutter at this point because it’s the end of the day, she’s tired and apparently she’s a giddy school girl all over again. “Oh Daddy, please talk dirty to me some more,” Emma giggles. She’s not sure why she says it; at first, she thinks she only imagined it, but the way Killian lifts his head and the way his pupils dilate, she realizes her mistake. And she called him Daddy!  

Oh fuck. 

She gasps, her eyes wide with horror. She’s definitely getting fired. She wishes she could crawl into a hole right now and be buried with her humiliation.

As she opens her mouth to apologize and give her resignation, Killian cocks a brow, a slight smirk hinting on his lips. “You better watch it, love, or Daddy will have to bend you over his desk and spank you,” he teases back. 

Emma’s heartbeat shoots through the roof, her mouth parted as she gazes into those piercing blue eyes. So he’s in a playful mood today? Okay, that’s good. She can definitely work with this. Pressing her palms into the desk, she leans in closer to him and murmurs, “How do you know I don’t like being spanked?”

Killian’s mouth opens, his tongue flicking against the inside of his cheek. God, he’s sexy when he does that. Her panties are fucking soaked.

“I had a feeling what Ruby said that day in the break room was true,” he says cockily, tilting his head.

Emma’s brows climb her forehead, pure shock washing over her. “You heard that?”

He nods. “Aye.”

Her stomach drops. “I’m sorry about that. Ruby has no filter.”

Killian chuckles, breaking through Emma’s walls of embarrassment. The sound eases her nerves a bit. “I’m not mad about Ruby’s comments, more like intrigued actually.”

“What?” On one hand, Emma’s completely relieved he didn’t fire her or Ruby even though he overheard their conversation, but on the other hand, it’s still embarrassing having her boss overhear a private conversation she had with Ruby, especially since it involved him.

“I’m attracted to you, Emma, if you couldn’t already tell,” he admits sheepishly, his eyes locked with hers as he scratches behind his ear.

“Oh...” Emma’s not sure how to respond that. After all this time he felt as she did? She’d wanted to believe it was true but didn’t know if it were all in her head or if she had gauged the situation correctly. “I, um—”

“I would never do anything to make you uncomfortable, Emma, but if you want to—”

“Oh I want to,” Emma blurts out, cutting him off. 

“Thank Gods.” Killian throws the papers on the desk and reaches over, slides his hands into her hair and tugs her to him, his lips crashing against hers so suddenly and roughly, she’d fall over if he weren’t holding her so securely. Her fingers assault his hair, tugging fistfuls of dark locks in her hands. She climbs him like a tree and straddles his lap, grinding into him, feeling how hard he already is through his navy blue slacks. It’s so fucking hot, Emma works her hips faster into him, wanting so much more, her heels sliding off her feet and onto the floor with two clunks.

“If you wanted me, you just had to say so, baby,” he growls against her lips, his breath completely wrecked and ragged.

“Killian...” she whispers as her fingers untangle from his hair so she can work on unbuttoning his dress shirt. “I’ve had so many dreams about this, Daddy.” Emma’s fingers are trembling but moving quickly as she desperately undoes the last few buttons and presses a trail of kisses down his chest through his feather-soft chest hair he always hides underneath his shirt. 

Killian groans and she peels her mouth away from him so he can lift her silk blouse over her head and toss it to the floor, revealing her black-laced bra.

“Me too, baby.” He kisses down her neck and cups her breasts in his hands. “Every time I see you, I wonder how good your cunt would feel around my cock.” 

Emma moans as he wraps his arms around her, pulling her to him and kissing the tops of her breasts, his lips brushing over the soft fabric. She combs her hands through his hair and pays no mind when her bra straps fall from her shoulders, too focused on how warm and decadent Killian's lips and mouth feel as he marks her skin. 

“I always think about you fucking me, Daddy.” She tilts her head back as he kisses the valley of her breasts, burying his face there, the dark scruff on his chin scratching her smooth skin. God, he feels good right there, just worshipping her breasts like he's never seen a pair of boobs before. And she's still wearing a bra.

“Bloody hell, that’s the best thing I’ve heard in my entire life,” he groans and unclasps her bra. “You should write poetry, love.”

Emma laughs through her lust-fueled fog, her cheeks warm with blush as he pulls off her bra and adds it to the pile on the floor. 

His eyes darken with lust as he drinks in her bare breasts, pink nipples tightening under his hungry gaze. “You’re so perfect and beautiful,” he whispers against her skin before taking a hard nipple in his soft, warm mouth. 

She moans, pressing herself into him as he sucks and nips and licks her breasts and nipples to his heart’s content, telling her how good she tastes and how good she feels in his hands. Emma shudders and closes her eyes, relishing the treatment. She loves being in his hands. His hands make her feel like a freaking goddess.

When he releases her nipples, he captures her mouth with his and she rolls her hips into him, wanting his cock inside her. Bad. But her skirt is impeding their activities so she raises her hips inviting him to push the offending fabric above her waist. He does so quickly and moves her panties aside, feeling how incredibly soaked she is.

He groans and mutters a slew of dirty curses as he slides his fingers inside her slit. “Gods... you’re so fucking wet for me. If only you knew all the things I want to do to you, baby girl.”

“Next time, Daddy,” she rasps, unzipping his pants and pulling out his manhood, trying not to think too much about what her words imply. 

She whimpers as his thick, rock hard cock aches in her hand. He feels so fucking good in her palm; she can only imagine how incredible he’ll feel inside her.

“Aye,” he agrees with a throaty groan while she’s stroking him and rubbing the head of his dick against her wet folds. His eyes roll back into his head and he has to force his trembling hands to retrieve his wallet from the desk drawer. 

After he finds a condom, Emma rolls it over his pulsating cock, loving how every ridge of him feels in her palm.

“You still want to do this?” He asks, searching her eyes for approval.

She smirks, not a trace of doubt in her eyes. “A hundred and ten percent.”

He chuckles and wraps his hands around her hips.

She clutches onto his shoulders, sinking slowly onto his cock, watching Killian’s face contort in pleasure as she becomes wonderfully seated in his lap. He fills her up so perfectly. 

Tightening her grip on his shoulders, she lifts her hips up and down, up and down, up and down, falling into a steady rhythm. She can’t believe after all this time, she’s making love to her boss, in his office of all places. With all her colleagues outside the door. With the window big and wide, looking out over the sea. She wonders if anyone can hear them. 

“Bloody fuck, Emma...” Killian breathes as he peers down, watching as his cock slides in and out of her slick pussy. 

“You feel so good, Daddy,” she rasps, barely keeping herself together. 

“Not as good as you do, love. Your pussy is so tight and perfect. Even better than I imagined.”

“Fuck.” Moving one of her hands to his hair, she tugs his head back slightly so she can kiss him while she rides his cock, her nipples rubbing against his chest hair. She swallows the delicious groan he offers when their tongues connect so perfectly, she knows she won’t last much longer. “I’m close, Daddy,” she moans against his lips.

“Come, baby girl. I wanna feel you squeeze my cock.”

“Oh my God.” Her entire body spasms as her orgasm hits her like a tidal wave, her walls clamping around him. “Oh, Daddy,” she cries out as quietly as she can.

He holds her tight as his own orgasm rips through his entire body. He groans and sinks his teeth into her shoulder as he cums. After a few more thrusts, they still, and Emma slumps into him, burying her face in the crook of his neck, his heart pounding against hers. 

“That was amazing,” she mumbles against his skin.

“You’re so fucking incredible.”

Emma lifts her head, still trying to gather her wits and steady her breathing. His cheeks are all rose-colored and so incredibly adorable. “Just to be clear, this won’t affect my next permanence review, right? I want to do well, but not because I’m riding you in your office.”

He furrows his brows, regarding her with a serious expression. “Of course, not. That would be bad form, love. But you’re already my best agent so this won’t change a thing. You have my word.”

She flashes a weak smile. “Good.” 

“So, you want there to be a next time?” He asks with a hopeful glint in his eyes, bringing up her earlier statement.

She doesn’t answer him with words at first, but she’s hoping the smirk and the slow, tender kiss she offers him says it all. Before she peels herself off his lap, she whispers in his ear, just in case he didn’t get the message. “Oh Daddy, there will definitely be a next time.”

Tagging some lovelies who have shown interest in the sneak peek or previous Oh Daddy on-shots. Please let me know if you would like to be added or removed: 

@itsfabianadocarmo @onceuponaprincessworld @teamhook @kmomof4 @resident-of-storybrooke @artistic-writer @ultraluckycatnd @gingerchangeling @ilovemesomekillianjones @captainswan-shipper88 @cluttermind @hallway5 @swanlovato @xsajx @jamif @biefaless @kday426 @hails-paige @asiamarie5 @qualitycoffeethings @mikeythegeek @idristardis @have-a-little-faith