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lindenforest · 8 months

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making my own post bc i saw something on my dash and i dont play the game in question, but it asked a question of "whats the point of connecting with something if what you like about it may be suddenly changed?"

and i thought... at the same time, people encourage you to read unfinished fanfiction. encourage you to engage with other peoples ocs. but i have previously detached from others' ocs i really loved, because their creators removed from them the very traits and plot points that made me relate and attach to them. hell, i have even detached from MY OWN ocs, because i was making stuff about them with a friend and at some point i started being afraid that i have to ask permission to make changes about my ocs that contradict previously written pieces!!

an author may delete a finished fanfic, but if you download it, it will stay the same on your hard drive. an unfinished fanfic may be deleted without ever getting an ending. an author of videos i really liked hid a lot of her old content (i did not understand why at first, then turned out its bc of homophobic laws in her country), and i missed an episode. there was a cover ive heard on a 8tracks playlist, by a singer with a most comforting voice who deleted it one day without a trace. its the first version of the song i heard and the only one i can now like because it so stuck in my head.

every time this happens i am obviously frustrated and hurt. so what is going to be the answer to this? should i stop engaging with indie, not widely known and backed up on ten other sites creations? whats the point of connecting with something if what you loved about it can be suddenly changed?

maybe there is no answer. maybe everyone should find their own answer, lying somewhere between "dont make your life revolve around a media and go outside" (which, i understand, can be very hard especially if youre autistic like me and special interests are your lenses through which you look at the world), and "love it anyway with all your heart like you love the falling cherry blossoms that will be gone in a day, and though they are gone from the world, no one can rip them from the treasury of your heart where you can keep them forever" (which is, i know, ALSO hard if youre autistic and averse to change) and "the point is that you have loved the point is that you had fun".

#linden leaf rustling #sorry for dash vaguing but this is important for me to think about #as im trying to process the aforementioned thing with my ocs little by little #do not take it as directed towards anyone. its my own self searching #also this happens to stuff like websites you use too. your favorite grocery staple changing recipes. etc.

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minimanic · 3 years

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#it is once again listening to old 8track playlists and suffering o'clock #i miss late 2015/early 2016 every day of my life

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highladyluck · 3 years

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Fortuona Athaem Devi Paendrag playlist

Direct link: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5KLghlM9nCF1WLKBNoLt5z?si=b1e1d244810e4ae9

26 songs, 1 hr 23 min. A character playlist for Tuon Athaem Kore Paendrag, aka the High Lady, aka the Daughter of the Nine Moons, aka “Precious” but only if you’re Mat Cauthon, aka Fortuona Athaem Devi Paendrag, aka the Empress of Seanchan.

She’s a fascinating mixture of good and evil, person and tool, sympathetic and unsympathetic by turns. I tried to capture that in this playlist, which is organized roughly chronologically by her personal timeline.

There are spoilers in the playlist and commentary for Winter's Heart through A Memory of Light, since this is meant to mirror the narrative.

Track List:

1. Second Child, Restless Child – The Oh Hellos

2. Game of Survival – Ruelle

3. Sit Still, Look Pretty – Daya

4. When I Rule The World – LIZ

5. Bad Moon Rising – Creedence Clearwater Revival

6. The Thief and the Moon – Shawn James

7. Pomegranate Seeds – Julian Moon

8. Zebra – The Magnetic Fields

9. Jolene – Dolly Parton

10. Maybe, This Time – OK Go

11. Big Guns – Ruelle

12. Fascinated – Ivy

13. The Bullpen – Dessa

14. Pretty Little Head – Eliza Rickman

15. Greek God – Conan Gray

16. Emperor’s New Clothes – Panic! At The Disco

17. Rat Queen – The Mountain Goats

18. Carmina Burana: O Fortuna – Carl Orff

19. you should see me in a crown – Billie Eilish

20. Muse with a Dagger – Taylor Castro

21. Please Don’t Say You Love Me – Gabrielle Aplin

22. Daisy – Ashnikko

23. Mother’s Daughter – Miley Cyrus

24. I Walk The Line – Halsey

25. Glory and Gore – Lorde

26. Trouble – Stripped – Halsey

Commentary and lyrics underneath the cut. Listen to it here: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5KLghlM9nCF1WLKBNoLt5z?si=b1e1d244810e4ae9

1) Second Child, Restless Child – The Oh Hellos

See, I was born the second child With a spirit running wild, running free

The Empress’s second child, the only one who goes across the ocean.

2) Game of Survival – Ruelle

Are we the hunters? Or are we the prey?

"Keep this doll to remind you that I will always hear you if you say my name. If I am still alive, of course."

3) Sit Still, Look Pretty – Daya

Oh, I don't know what you've been told But this girl right here's gonna rule the world Yeah, that's where I'm gonna be because I wanna be No, I don't wanna sit still, look pretty

Tuon wishes she looked more intimidating, and threw a full-blown temper tantrum when she was told who she’d have to marry.

4) When I Rule The World – LIZ

When I rule the world, then I'm gonna make you sweat Dog collar 'round your neck, on your knees and scrub the deck

I promise I didn't forget about the sul'dam thing. This should be as jarring as her initial POV in Winter's Heart is.

5) Bad Moon Rising – Creedence Clearwater Revival

I see the bad moon a-rising I see trouble on the way I see earthquakes and lightnin' I see bad times today

Such a good “Seanchan invade Ebou Dar” song! I definitely stole this from someone else’s Mat playlist, but I don’t think it’s on 8tracks anymore.

6) The Thief and the Moon – Shawn James

Said the Thief to the Moon "I'll extinguish your light soon I'll put an end to all the light that you shed On this world in its darkened state"

I can imagine this as a Seanchan myth; covers Tuon's opinion on her prophecy & getting kidnapped.

7) Pomegranate Seeds – Julian Moon

Kore, Kore, fauna and flora How did you get your throne? (Hey!) You made a deal You traded daffodils For a kingdom of ash and bone

Had to sneak in a reference to Tuon's middle name. Tuon's POV on her bargain with Mat.

8) Zebra – The Magnetic Fields

so there's one thing I crave when my days become ho-hum and blah I want a zebra

Took this from my Mat/Tuon book playlist because it is truly the funniest song on there. It's a zebra in our hearts!

9) Jolene – Dolly Parton

Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene I'm begging of you please don't take my man

This is very tongue-in-cheek, but at the same time, if you pay attention you can see that Tuon's particularly annoyed by/threatened by Joline Maza.

10) Maybe, This Time – OK Go

So listen, I'm not trying to prove anything at all here But don't you think that maybe, this time, you were wrong?

Mat to Tuon after confiscating the a'dam from her.

11) Big Guns – Ruelle

Every little move is fixed Like a game of chess The blood on your hands is thick And you're placing bets Can't hide in the den of lions

A really perfect song for Tuon's 'lion on the high plains' realization; I know technically Mat doesn't have cannon or grenades yet, but shhhh, the rapid-fire crossbows are more or less machine guns. Let me have this. Call it foreshadowing if you must.

12) Fascinated – Ivy

Never turned out like we talked about Never could tell how to read your mind Never found out what you're all about In this lifetime, baby, you will be mine

Tuon's POV on the marriage ceremony.

13) The Bullpen – Dessa

Forget the bull in the china shop There's a china doll in the bullpen

Returning to Ebou Dar to kick ass and take heads. This was the song that made me create this playlist, because of "china doll in the bullpen," which is such a great description of Tuon.

14) Pretty Little Head – Eliza Rickman

Catch yourself a looker, let him go, go, go Wanna have your baby, but I'm so, so slow

Tuon misses Mat, but don’t you dare breathe a word about it. Besides, it’s just business.

15) Greek God – Conan Gray

And since you always swear that you wanted me gone Then why don't you go get your gun? 'Cause you don't really hate me (You're a little baby) You don't wanna end me (You wanna befriend me)

The Tuon vs Rand confrontation (take two, where Tuon's actually there.) Rand has quite enough confidence, really, but most of the song really works.

16) Emperor’s New Clothes – Panic! At The Disco

Welcome to the end of eras Ice has melted back to life Done my time and served my sentence Dress me up and watch me die

Declaring herself Empress after meeting with Rand.

17) Rat Queen – The Mountain Goats

We who have never once tasted The stench of defeat Victory sweet as the dregs of the fast food dumpster Look how they jump when we show up Like they've just seen a monster

H/T to @anyboli, who first suggested this to me as a Tuon song. This is a good soundtrack to planning the raid on the White Tower…

18) Carmina Burana: O Fortuna – Carl Orff

O Fortune, like the moon you are changeable[…]

I literally cannot imagine a Tuon playlist without this song. It’s White Tower raid time!

19) you should see me in a crown – Billie Eilish

Count my cards, watch them fall Blood on a marble wall I like the way they all Scream

Yeah, this was inevitable too. I’m using it for that absolutely horrifying POV of hers where she's in the damane training room and decides it's time to plan a full-out attack on the White Tower.

20) Muse with a Dagger – Taylor Castro

You're making fun of my people Pretend I don't hear you Cause I won't forgive myself For fueling or burning you

Tuon's thoughts on Mat in the garden. This didn't lean as as far into the dagger/knife imagery as I'd hoped for- remember, this is the blog that insists Athaem means Magic Dagger Curse- but it seemed so strangely apt for the two of them that I had to include it.

21) Please Don’t Say You Love Me – Gabrielle Aplin

There's no need to worry when You see just where we're at Just please don't say you love me Cause I might not say it back

Her conversation with Mat in the garden.

22) Daisy – Ashnikko

Respect a bitch, I'm a maverick Flexible, so elastic But don't you dare bend a bitch backwards

This is what you married, Mat. (The Mat POV version of this character sketch is probably Cake's Short Skirt Long Jacket.) I will not apologize for the number of #girlboss songs on this playlist.

23) Mother’s Daughter – Miley Cyrus

Oh my gosh, she got the power Oh, look at her, she got the power So, so, so Don't fuck with my freedom I came up to get me some

The confrontation with Egwene. I see this as mostly Egwene's POV, with Tuon doing a sort of echo, the way she does in the original scene. They are fascinatingly alike here, and the way Egwene controls the scene and gets in Tuon's head- when that's Tuon's signature strategy- is amazing.

24) I Walk The Line – Halsey

You've got a way to keep me on your side You give me cause for love that I can't hide For you I know I'd even try to turn the tide

Tuon admitting that her heart tells her to return to save Mat (and the armies of the Light).

25) Glory and Gore – Lorde

Glory and gore go hand in hand That's why we're makin' headlines (Oh! Oh!) You could try and take us (Oh! Oh!) But victory's contagious

The Seanchan army comes back for the kill.

26) Trouble – Stripped – Halsey

Don't forget me, don't forget me I wouldn't leave you if you'd let me Hmm, when you met me when you met me You told me you were gonna get me

Death threats are just their deranged way of flirting; if Tuon wanted Mat dead she wouldn't warn him, you know? And in that final scene with the fireworks Tuon's telling Mat that she wants him around, and he understands it as such.

#this is my celebration for hitting 200 followers!#SURPRISE IT'S MORE TUON CONTENT #this is what you get for following a blog with a tuon pun in the username #wheel of time #wheel of time playlist #playlist #tuon paendrag #fortuona paendrag #fortuona athaem devi paendrag #tuon athaem kore paendrag #problematic fave tuon #wheel of time spoilers #the gathering storm spoilers

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mx-myth · 3 years

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Fanmixes: Yr Fvr Mst Obt Svt

So, y’all... I’ve been sitting on this idea for a long time but I finally did it! My William Laurence/Tenzing Tharkay fanmix is now up! Tried to get it up on 8tracks but that didn’t work out, so it’s just on Spotify. It’s called Yr Fvr Mst Obt Svt, under the same name as my Tumblr user (mx-myth), and I hope you like it!

You can find it here!

More information below the cut!

I know the track lists are probably hard to read because I chose a super-fancy cursive font (because let’s be real, no one can read Laurence’s fancy gentleman handwriting except himself and Tharkay (and I would say Temeraire, but he can’t read it that small, but he knows what it looks like from their days aboard the Reliant)) so here (tracks are subject to change):

01. What Is This Feeling? - From "Wicked" Original Broadway Cast Recording/2003 (Stephen Schwartz, Kristen Chenoweth, Idina Menzel, Stephen Oremus, Alex Lacamoire)

Notes: inspired by this post by @incorrect-temeraire-quotes; when I first heard this song I heard the cover by Austin Nebbia, but as Spotify is Like That I went with the Wicked version (I didn’t know this song was from Wicked! I’ve read the book but haven’t seen the musical)

02. Take Me Anywhere (Tegan and Sara)

Notes: They literally travel around the world.

03. Stray Italian Greyhound (Vienna Teng)

Notes: Tharkay, showing up again: Can’t you just stay still and keep out of trouble

04. Do You Want Me (Dead?) (All Time Low)

Notes: Black Powder War, A Summary

05. Next Year (Two Door Cinema Club)

Notes: Tharkay, on one of his missions: *thinking about Laurence*

06. Come Back Home (Two Door Cinema Club)

Notes: Laurence and Tharkay both, Tharkay leaving again and Laurence trying to convince him to stay

07. Iris (The Goo Goo Dolls)

Notes: Every and any Laurence and Tharkay heart-to-heart and snap-out-of-it and stay-with-me

08. My Best Friend's Hot (The Dollyrots)

Notes: Tharkay (and Granby), upon seeing Laurence for the first time: Oh NO

09. One Week (Barenaked Ladies)

Notes: Laurence and Tharkay’s lovers spat

10. Time-Bomb (All Time Low)

Notes: Them, pre-sewers: I would gut you given HALF A CHANCE, NO HESITATION; Them, post-sewers: YOU’RE STUCK WITH ME NOW, WE’RE MARRIED

11. Do I Wanna Know? (Arctic Monkeys)

Notes: Tharkay, staring at Laurence: Oh no. I love him.

12. I Would Do Anything For You (Foster the People)

Notes: Tharkay: TWENTY DRAGONS. IT WAS ONLY TWENTY DRAGONS. HOW DID IT COME TO THIS. Laurence: :)

13. Miss You (Foster the People)

Notes: Laurence, while Tharkay is gone: *thinks about Tharkay*

14. This Is the Life (Two Door Cinema Club)

Notes: Laurence and Tharkay, happily living with Temeraire after Everything Has Gone Down

15. Bye Bye Bye (*NSYNC)

Notes: Laurence, simutaneously: *bi panic* *also Disaster Bi Dad™*

16. Brunettes (Do It Better) (KIDFORCE)

Notes: Honestly, this is a last minute decision I put in just for kicks. But Laurence and Tharkay are BOTH troublemakers :)

17. History Hates Loves (Oublaire) (added January 5, 2022)

Notes: My friend got me HOOKED on this song, gives me history looking back on Laurence/Tharkay vibes and also firstprince emailing vibes. See also: https://tanoraqui.tumblr.com/post/188592027832/the-fact-is-even-if-laurence-is-tragically and also https://political-dragon.tumblr.com/post/177592376015/owlsundermybed-considering-how-controversial

I also stuck a bunch of things on the cover! You’ve got the love letter, which has the title of the fanmix (contents of love letter below), Laurence’s trusty compass, an inkwell, a world map, keys, black pearls (for Temeraire), and (!) two gold rings (because they’re married) on a dark wood desk. (Image descriptions below)

Love letter:

Tenzing -

We have been getting on well enough, thank you, though not spectacularly, I must point out. Temeraire has taken to asking each day when you shall return, and each day, I regret to say, I must answer him that I do not know.

Oh, I am not even afraid to say this anymore: damn the brass! If only you could return to us at once, with haste; I confess I am getting quite lonely here. The manor has too many rooms, and they are all so empty without you. Temeraire's company has taken the edge off my longing for you, but there is only so long one can listen to politics! If only you were here to explain what this meant or what that could be interpreted as, I am sure it would not be so dull or boring.

I miss you, my darling, and for those few words I would hang; and yet I would do it, for I would not hide my love for you from the world.

With all my love,

William Laurence

[Image descriptions:

An aerial view of a desk made of dark wood. Part of a love letter can be seen in the top left corner; it is written in fancy cursive font and the title of the fanmix, Yr Fvr Mst Obt Svt, is written below. There is an inkwell in the top right corner, and an old world map from the right side. There is a compass below the love letter. In the bottom left corner there are five black pearls. In the bottom center there are a few old skeleton keys, and in the bottom right corner are two gold rings, presumably Laurence and Tharkay’s.

An aerial view of a desk made of wood. There is old paper reaching from the top and over the bottom; fancy cursive is written on it detailing the track list. This continues onto the third and last image, where the fanmix name is written out on the bottom once more. There is a coffee cup stain on the last image.]

#Temeraire Series #temeraire book series #william laurence #tenzing tharkay #william laurence/tenzing tharkay #fanmix #fanmixes #spotify #naomi novik #love letter #i'm not going to tag anything else #or else it'll get too confusing

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kpopcircusbaby · 4 years

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You’re So S.P.E.C.I.A.L.! - a 40′s and 50′s-inspired kpop mix. // 90 songs/5+ hours (listen on youtube) (listen on spotify) (listen on 8tracks)

Tracklist below the cut!

1. Swing It Shorty (intro) – Brown Eyed Girls

2. The Red Shoes – IU

3. GOD GIRL – The Pink Lady

4. 12 O’Clock – PinkFantasy SHY

5. Carnival (The Last Day) – Gain

6. Kiss Later – Yeojin (Loona)

7. Macaron – Girl’s Day

8. Celepretty – Park Boram

9. Swing Baby – Ulala Session

10. Love Cell – Sunny Hill

11. Shy Boy – Secret

12. Bad Girl – Ladies Code

13. Beautiful Lady – Johnghyun

14. Something – TVXQ

15. Scent of a Woman – Ailee

16. Fairy Tale – The Barberettes

17. Last Night Story – IU

18. Supa Dupa Diva – Dal Shabet

19. Rolly – Good Day

20. Happy Joke – Laboum

21. Bad Girls – Lee Hyori

22. Red Queen – IU

23. Is Who – Minseo

24. Cunning Thoughts – Sunny Hill

25. Darling – Girl’s Day

26. Time 2 Love – The Barberettes

27. I’m in Love – Secret

28. Vice Versa – Puer Kim

29. Musical in Life – XIA

30. Run to You – LED Apple

31. Bingle Bangle – Bumzu

32. Love is Move – Secret

33. Dancing Queen – SNSD

34. Snow Kiss – Teen Top

35. Perfume – Apink

36. Story Travel – Laboum

37. Attention – Esna

38. Wait – IU

39. Lion Heart – SNSD

40. Phone Number – Tahiti

41. Joma Joma – C-REAL

42. Ho! – Twice

43. Hurry Up – WJSN

44. Barbie Girl – Various

45. Honey – JYP

46. 1,2,3,4 – Lee Hi

47. Kukerichoo – The Barberettes

48. Candy Lane – S.E.S.

49. #loveme – Melody Day

50. You Don’t Love Me – Spica

51. It’s Over – Lee Hi

52. Modern Times – IU

53. It Girl – Homme

54. Johnny – Ailee

55. Like I Do – The Barberettes

56. Goodbye – Monika ft. Moos

57. Re-Bye – Akmu

58. Darling U – Kim Tae Woo and Ben

59. My Star – Lee Hi

60. She’s Ma Girl – 2PM

61. Fool – Red Velvet

62. Goodbye, Hello – TTS

63. dlwlrma – IU

64. Love is Bitter – SNSD

65. Love is the Way – Red Velvet

66. Special – Lee Hyori

67. Today’s News – Puer Kim

68. Fisherman – The Barberettes

69. At First Sight – Parc Jae Jung

70. Not a True Goodbye – FT Island

71. I Do I Do – Secret

72. Kissing Me! – Daniel Henney and Alex ft. Um Jung Hwa

73. Miss Korea – Lee Hyori

74. Carrie (The First Day) – Gain

75. I’m Your Man – John Park

76. Hold My Hand – Lee Hi

77. Starlight Moonlight – Secret

78. Cause It’s You – Red Velvet

79. Every Little Thing – Akmu

80. Between the Lips (50cm) – IU

81. Mrs. Lonely – The Barberettes

82. Viva! – Sweet Sorrow

83. Love Song – Ulala Session

84. Love is Over – Lee Hi

85. Summer Night Dream – The Barberettes

86. Romantic Street – SNSD

87. Melodrama – Secret

88. Eat, Sleep, and Miss You – Gavy NJ

89. One Sided Love – Lee Hi

90. Romance - Boa

#girlgroupnet #mixtape #fanmix #8tracks #kpop

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unfortunate-stranger-losers · 5 years

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darling, i wish you were here, a Violet Baudelaire/Quigley Quagmire playlist

{8tracks}

Full tracklist under the cut.

Vanilla Twilight ~ Owl City // “When violet eyes get brighter and heavy wings grow lighter, I’ll taste the sky and feel alive again / And I’ll forget the world that I knew, but I swear I won’t forget you / Oh, if my voice could reach back through the past, I’d whisper in your ear / ‘Oh, darling, I wish you were here...’”

Only Us ~ Laura Dreyfuss and Ben Platt // “I don't need more reminders of all that's been broken / I don't need you to fix what I'd rather forget / Clear the slate and start over / Try to quiet the noises in your head / We can't compete with all that...”

I See the Light ~ Mandy Moore and Zachary Levi // “Now she’s here, shining in the starlight / Now she’s here, suddenly I know / If she’s here, it’s crystal clear / I’m where I’m meant to go...”

Can You Feel the Love Tonight ~ Elton John // “An enchanted moment, and it sees me through / It’s enough for this restless warrior just to be with you...”

Nothing I’ve Ever Known ~ Bryan Adams // “Nothing I have ever known has made me feel this way / Nothing I have ever known has made me wanna stay...”

Almost Paradise ~ Jeremy Kushnier & Jennifer Laura Thompson // “And all those dreams I saved for a rainy day / They’re finally coming true / I’ll share them all with you / Cause now we hold the future in our hands...”

Landslide ~ Fleetwood Mac // “I took my love, I took it down / I climbed a mountain and I turned around / And I saw my reflection in the snow-covered hills / Til the landslide brought me down...”

Say Something ~ A Great Big World // “And I will swallow my pride / You’re the one that I love / And I’m saying goodbye..”

It Would Have Been Wonderful ~ Leslie Henstock // “But so much for miracles / They happen in plays / In life, people meet, people touch, people think / Then go their separate ways…”

Clarity ~ Sam Tsui // “If our love is tragedy, why are you my remedy? / If our love’s insanity, why are you my clarity?”

So Close ~ Jon McLaughlin // “So close to reaching that famous happy end / Almost believing this one’s not pretend / Let’s go on dreaming, for we know we are / So close, so close, and still so far…”

If I Never Knew You ~ Tiffany Thornton // “In this world so full of fear / Full of rage and lies / I can see the truth so clear / In your eyes, so dry your eyes...”

Wish That You Were Here ~ Florence + The Machine // “And now I’m reaching out with every note I sing / And I hope it gets to you on some pacific wind / Wraps itself around you and whispers in your ear / Tells you that I miss you / And I wish that you were here...”

#asoue #asoue netflix #a series of unfortunate events #violet baudelaire #quigley quagmire #quiglet #playlist #asoue playlist #quiglet playlist #quigley playlist #violet playlist #my playlists #mine

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hexalt · 5 years

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oh my god i think i like you

- you're pretty & smart & ignoring me so obviously you're my type. - i won't forget, i won't regret this beautiful, heart stopping, breathtaking, life-changing... - hey. you're the love of my life. you know that, right?

a rebecca bunch x greg serrano mega mix from season 1 to season 4, so there's A LOT OF MOODS. prepare to laugh, cry, and dance. cover completely inspired by cordeliafoxxy's mix fanmix challenge - ix. fictional relationships (groups, family, friendship, otp, etc.)

[ spotify | 8tracks (incomplete) ]

falling for the first time - barenaked ladies I'm so cool, too bad I'm a loser / I'm so smart, too bad I can't get anything figured out / I'm so sane, it's drivin' me crazy / It's so strange, I can't believe it feels just like I'm falling for the first time

i’m not gonna teach your boyfriend how to dance - black kids I'm not gonna teach him how to dance / The second I do, I know we're gonna be through / I'm not gonna teach him how to dance with you / He don't suspect a thing / I wish he'd get a clue / I'm not gonna teach him how to dance to with you

bartender - regina spektor Come on, bartender / You have got to kick me back out / Into the cold and nasty weather / And maybe if I sober up / I will stop / Pretending that love is forever / Come on, bartender / Love will be the death of me / Love is so fickle / It starts with a flood and it ends with a trickle

closing time - semisonic Closing time / One last call for alcohol so finish your whiskey or beer / Closing time / You don't have to go home but you can't stay here / I know who I want to take me home

settle for me - santino fontana Yes, Josh is a dream, but I’m right here / In flesh and blood and self-hate / Settle for me / In a sad way, darling, it’s fate

settle for me (reprise) - rachel bloom Why not just settle for him? / He's a nice, smart guy / And he and I / Do get along... / Well, kind of.

i really want you to hate me - meg myers I really want you to hate me / I really want you to find / That I am bitter and angry / That I'm the ugliest girl / And I will never be a bride / There's no love for the wicked / There's no love and / I wanna die

self esteem - the offspring I wrote her off for the tenth time today / And practiced all the things I would say / But she came over / I lost my nerve / I took her back and made her dessert / Now I know I'm being used / That's okay because I like the abuse / I know she's playing with me / That's okay 'cause I've got no self-esteem

feels like we only go backwards - tame impala I've got my hopes up again, oh no, not again / It feels like we only go backwards, darlin' / The seed of all this indecision isn't me / 'Cause I decided long ago / But that's the way it seems to go / When trying so hard to get to something real

shadowboxer - fiona apple I was on to every play / I just wanted you / But oh, it's so evil, my love, the way you've no / Reverence to my concern / So I'll be sure to stay wary of you, love / To save the pain of once my flame and twice my burn

happier - a fine frenzy Quick kid quick, so harsh and cynical / It's not the words that make it final / You've said such things before to rival them / But it's how you say 'em now that's changed / Cold but sympathetic all the same / Lie to convince me that I'll be better off / Oh, you go on and I'll be happier

tired - adele I'm tired of trying / Your teasing ain't enough / Fed up of biding your time / When I don't get nothing back / I get closer, you obviously prefer him

it’s you - zayn She got / Her own reasons / For talking to me / And she don't, she don't, she don't / Give a fuck about what I need / And I can't tell you why / Because my brain can't equate it / Tell me your lies / Because I just can't face it

the writing’s on the wall - ok go It seems like forever / Since we had a good day / The writing's on the wall / But I just want to get you high tonight / I just want to see some pleasure in your eyes / And I go too high, and you go too cold then we both fall apart / Then you bring your mind, to rest against mine / But the mind has no say on affairs of the heart

tear you apart - she wants revenge Either way he wanted her and this was bad / He wanted to do things to her it was making him crazy / Now a little crush turned into a like / And now he wants to grab her by the hair and tell her, / "I want to hold you close / Soft breasts, beating heart / As I whisper in your ear / I want to fucking tear you apart"

i gave you a uti - santino fontana One night with me is pure ecstasy / 'Cause I know just what you like / But you should know for a week or so / You won't be able to ride a bike / I gave you a UTI

oh my god i think i like you - rachel bloom I say, "No no no! This is just about sex!" / And "No no no! Don't be such a girl, Becks!" / But then I feel the oxytocin creeping back to my brain / And all I can do is sing it again / Oh my god, I think I like you

everything is embarrassing - sky ferreira Maybe if you let me be your lover / Maybe if you tried, then I would not bother / I've been hating everything, everything that could have been / Could have been my anything, now everything's embarrassing

like a friend - pulp I had one, two, three / Four shots of happiness, I look like a big man / But I've only got a little soul / I wish I could be an example / Wish I could say I stood up for you / And fought for what was right / But I never did / I did what was wrong though I knew what was right / I've got no wisdom that I want to pass on

slow disco - st. vincent There's blood in my ears / And a fool in the mirror / And the pain of mistakes couldn't get any clearer / Am I thinking what everybody's thinkin'? / I'm so glad I came, but I can't wait to leave / Slip my hand from your hand / Leave you dancin' with a ghost

about a girl - the academy is... Last night I knew what to say / But you weren't there to hear it / These lines so well rehearsed / Tongue-tied and overloaded / You never noticed / I'm not in love / This is not my heart / I'm not gonna waste these words / About a girl

twice - little dragon Twice I turn my back on you / I fell flat on my face but didn't lose / Tell me what led you on, I'd love to know / Was it both men / Thought I had an answer once / But your random ways swept me along

knife - grizzly bear I want you to know / When I look in your eyes / With every blow / Comes another lie / You think it's alright / Can't you feel the knife?

still - foo fighters Bring some change up to the bridge / Bring some alcohol / There we'll make a final wish / Just before the fall / Promise I will be forever yours / Promise not to say another word

false alarm - the head and the heart Visions of you dance through my head / Dark heroine of the books I have read / Pages torn out, I made up my own world / Deep in the dream, it's all built to last / You'll pull the plug, drain me down fast / So many stones, stuck in my shoes / And I know if there's enough / It could make up a road / That could lead me far from this town

georgia - vance joy She is something to behold / Elegant and bold / She is electricity / Running to my soul / And I could easily lose my mind / The way you kiss me will work each time / Calling me to come back to bed / Singing Georgia on my mind

anyone who knows what love is (will understand) - irma thomas You can blame me / Try to shame me / And still I'll care for you / You can run around / Even put me down / Still I'll be there for you / The world / May think I'm foolish / They can't see you / Like I can / Oh but anyone / Who knows what love is / Will understand

i wanna get better - bleachers I didn’t know I was lonely 'til I saw your face / I wanna get better / I didn't know I was broken 'til i wanted to change / I wanna get better

it was a shit show - santino fontana We can't undo, can't make amends / Dysfunction is our lingua franca / When you say that I should stay / That's exactly when I should split / Though I won't forget, I won't regret / This beautiful, heart stopping / Breathtaking, life-changing...!

vertigo - anya marina The song you sing is sentimental / The song you sing is making me well / I like it, like it, outta control / The song you sing gives me vertigo / I was singing to myself / Pretending you were there

santa monica dream - angus & julia stone I'm singing songs about the future / Wondering where you are / I could call you on the telephone / But do I really want to know? / You're making love now to the lady down the road / No I don't, I don't want to know / I'm somewhere, you're somewhere / I'm nowhere, you're nowhere / You're somewhere, you're somewhere / I could go there but I don't

weary blues - madeleine peyroux Lord knows it died the day you left / My dream world fell apart / Weary blues from waitin' / Lord, I've been waitin' so long / These blues have got me cryin' / Oh, sweet daddy please come home

love is a losing game - amy winehouse Love is losing game / One I wished, I never played / Oh, what a mess we made / And now the final frame

hello, nice to meet you - rachel bloom & skyler astin Pleased to make your acquaintance, stranger / I've spent many years processing my anger / Wouldn't know what to say to the person I knew / But it's nice to meet you

enchanted - taylor swift All I can say is I was enchanted to meet you / This night is sparkling, don’t you let it go / I’m wonderstruck, blushing all the way home

505 - arctic monkeys I'm going back to 505 / If it's a seven hour flight or a forty-five minute drive / In my imagination you're waiting, lying on your side / With your hands between your thighs / But I crumble completely when you cry / It seems like once again you've had to greet me with goodbye

forget forgive - someone Bad thoughts pushing at the neck / Puts pressure on the chest / Calm sorrow / Forget / Forgive

warning sign - coldplay I’ve gotta tell you what a state I’m in / I’ve gotta tell you in my loudest tones / That I started looking for a warning sign / When the truth is, I miss you

fine with me - rizzle kicks Spit out the bitter when life isn't sweet, yeah / That's fine with me, fine with me / Just for today, if nothing goes my way, well / That's fine with me, fine with me / 'Cause I'm in the place / Where nothing could happen / To the smile on my face

warm body - cafune Give me all your heartaches and I'll push them down the drain / There's no need for voices that aren't singing this refrain / Say all you want, just stay / You just need a warm body / I'll be your install, I just need your warm body / Everybody knows, they just need to talk about it / Stay this way, hit replay

stop desire - tegan and sara I can't deny I'm begging for attention / Dropping hints, hoping for some tension / Getting tired of making all this racket / Waiting on you to get your ass in gear / I didn't wanna be so invested / I played it cool and then I overdressed it / Get me, feel me, want me / Like me, love me, need me

she’s so high - tal bachman First class and fancy-free, she's high society / She's got the best of everything / What could a guy like me ever really offer? / She's perfect as she can be, why should I even bother? / 'Cause, she's so high, high above me / She's so lovely

i really like you - carly rae jepsen I need to tell you something / I really, really, really, really, really, really like you / And I want you, do you want me, do you want me too?

sweet - little dragon Sweet, that feeling when you know you're hooked and you can't get enough / Sweet, that feeling when you're skating down the avenue of love / Sweet, I was checking on your phone because this sweetness is drugs / Sweet, can't get enough, not giving up

i hate everything but you - skyler astin I hate the phrase "Love conquers all," and I hate that it's true / 'Cause I want to not hate things when I'm with you / You love so many things and you have so much fun / It makes me wish my hating days were done

love natural - crystal fighters It's almost midnight, the time is coming up / The time is getting closer, the time is almost here / Life is upon us and the time for love is here and now / When I look at you, oh I feel my heart / Oh, I feel your love deep inside

do it again - santino fontana My lips just ache to have you take the kiss that's waiting for you / You know if you do, you won't regret it, come and get it / Do it again, please do it again

the sword & the pen - regina spektor Don't let me out of this kiss / Don't let me say what I say / The things that scare us today / What if they happen someday / Don't let me out of your arms / For now / I don't want to live without you

sea of love - cat power Do you remember / When we met / That's the day / I knew you were my pet / I wanna tell you / How much / I love you

#crazy ex girlfriend #greg serrano #rebecca bunch #cxg #cxgf #grebecca #playlist #greg x rebecca #fanmix #music #fanmix challenge #mine #*

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fortyflightower · 5 years

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artist ask babey!!😌🤙 the smiths, charli xcx, LANA DEL REY. i could do more. we shall see

CAITLYN YOU MADE THIS SO HARD FOR ME.... thank u but also i hate you 😤 sorry this is so long i just have a lot of thoughts and i don’t know how to shut up. i told you this was going to be a novel and here it is. writers doing nanowrimo wish they were me.

THE SMITHS.... one time i mentioned that i listened to them to one of my art teachers & he asked me what my favorite songs by them were & i completely blanked. it still haunts me to this day but i’m stronger now and i will not make that mistake again

1. back to the old house

this song has everything. the depression. the softness the yearning. ALSO these lyrics...

and you never knew / how much I really liked you / because I never even told you

2. the headmaster ritual

this is the song i listen to when i’m depressed, angry, and considering dropping out of school.

i want to go home / i don't want to stay / give up education / as a bad mistake

belligerent ghouls / run manchester schools / spineless bastards all

this line makes me think of my vid prod teacher 😊😤

3. still ill

had to stop myself from copy pasting all of the lyrics from this one. i also have it on my adam playlist SO.

england is mine, it owes me a living / but ask me why, and I'll spit in your eye

what can i say... i just like the rage and entitlement of this

but we cannot cling to the old dreams anymore / no, we cannot cling to those dreams

no thoughts head empty. i think i like it because it reminds me of that line from ribs by lorde.

does the body rule the mind / or does the mind rule the body? / i dunno

this is so adam core. will not explain any further

4. this charming man

BASIC I KNOW but it was the first song i ever listened to by them (i found it on a gansey playlist on 8tracks back in middle school😔🤟) don’t have any favorite lyrics from this one but the opening is ICONIC.

5. well i wonder

this one.... is SO emo but that’s okay... also the way he sings these lyrics... TOO MUCH 4 me

gasping - dying - but somehow still alive / this is the final stand of all I am / please keep me in mind

honorable mentions are there is a light that never goes out, the boy with the thorn in his side, never had no one ever, cemetery gates, and I WANT THE ONE I CANT HAVE because i’m THAT indecisive

miss Charli XCX... i’m going to be real i don’t listen to her much but when i do i am DOWN TO CLOWN.

1. vroom vroom

i have a playlist called “music to get into a car crash to” and this is the only song on it.

lavender lamborghini, roll up in a blue bikini /bitches on the beaches, lookin' super cute and freaky

Ugh the vibes of this 😩 wish my friends and i could pull this look off

bitches know they can't catch me / (vroom vroom) cute, sexy and my ride's sporty

used this for as a caption for that one tdt drawing i did & i have no regrets. this really embodies the vibes of any scene where ronan & kavinsky are racing.

beep beep, so let's ride

i just think the sound effects are funny

bubblegum-pink ferrari, yeah, I'm so bossy

these are the vibes i would like to embody but never will. also i think barbie & elle woods gave me a primal respect and desire for a pink car.

2. dreamer

nothing to say abt this one except that all i can think abt when i listen to it is that one maggie steifvater copying charli xcx meme. also it’s an absolute banger and one of the songs i blast when i’m going unhinged but in a sexy thot type of way

3. boom clap

this song changed my life when i first heard it on the tfios soundtrack. not that deep but does music have to be? no.

first kiss just like a drug /under your influence / you take me over you're the magic in my veins/ this must be love

boom clap / the sound of my heart / the beat goes on and on and on and on and

HER MIND WHEN SHE WROTE THIS... pop music peaked with this song

LANA. i like listening 2 her music in the winter because the summer depression vibes cancel out seasonal depression like pemdas. she was litchrally my spotify artist of the decade which is so baffling because i don’t feel like i listen to her that much. ALSO every few months i get sucked into a hole of watching concert vids on instagram & it ruins my life.

1. salvatore

the vocals in this... she truly has the range.

I adore you, can't you see, you're meant for me?

catch me if you can / working on my tan / salvatore / dying by the hand / of a foreign man / happily / calling out my name / in the summer rain / ciao amore /salvatore can wait / now it's time to eat / soft ice cream

all of her ooohing and aaahing is great but THIS PART is so sexy. also i almost made a post comparing “dying by the hand of a foreign man happily” & “the choice was death or hurting adam which wasn’t much of a choice at all” but i figured it was too much

2. video games

basic but it’s a classic. also the radical face cover re-ignited my love for this song.

i say you the bestest / lean in for a big kiss put his favorite perfume on / go play your video game

there’s a video of her singing this live where she’s on a swing and she waves her hand when she says “go play your video game” and i think about it every single day

he holds me in his big arms / drunk and i am seeing stars / this is all i think of

this part makes me want to be held 😪

it's you, it's you, it's all for you / everything i do / i tell you all the time / heaven is a place on earth with you

honestly so romantic. what else can i say

3. off to the races

this is my favorite to see live videos of.. the little dance she does to it has me feeling some type of way 🥺😪 one of the classics. lana slapping the roof of this song like “this baby can fit to much daddy kink, drugs, and sex in it”

swimming pool / glimmering darling /white bikini off with my red nail polish

my old man is, a tough man / but he got a soul as sweet as blood red jam / and he shows me, he knows me, every inch of my tar black soul

the imagery of this... UGH

4. california

THIS ENTIRE SONG IS TOO GOOD. i don’t even know what to say abt it except that lana really went off with nfr

you don't ever have to be stronger than you really are / when you're lying in my arms, baby / you don't ever have to go faster than your fastest pace

you're scared to win, scared to lose / i've heard the war was over if you really choose

5. old money

this one makes me cry the hardest out of all her songs because it’s so sad and desperate

blue hydrangea, cold cash divine / cashmere, cologne and white sunshine / red racing cars, sunset and vine / the kids were young and pretty

once again the imagery in her songs is UNPARALLELED.

the power of youth is on my mind

this makes me think abt that lorde quote abt how teenagers sparkle or whatever

and if you call i'll run, run, run / if you change your mind, i’ll come, come, come

bonus: music to watch boys to

SORRY i needed to put this one on here. this one should be near the top but i completely forgot abt it until it came on shuffle play & i don’t feel like renumbering the entire list. this one truly is a ronan song i don’t make the rules (the music to watch boys to is the murder squash song). once again it’s the imagery of it all that gets to me.

i like you a lot / putting on my music while I'm watching the boys / so I do what you want

live to love you / and i love to love you / and I live to love you, boy

nothing gold can stay / like love or lemonade / or sun or summer days / it's all a game to me anyway

diet mountain dew didn’t make it onto this list but i have 2 pairs of heart shaped sunglasses because of it so it has a special place in my heart... lanas impact

other honerable mentions are the greatest, fuck it i love you, venice bitch, dark paradise, BURNING DESIRE and cherry because it’s the only good song on lust for life

#blah blah blah #would put this all under a read more but i do not have a computer on me 😪#SORRY THIS IS SO LONG #truly nobody cares about this but i have opinions #asks

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seafoamchild · 5 years

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the decade is ending. i guess i’ll use this milestone in time to reflect about the past ten years. i was 15 when the decade started and i will be 25 when it ends. so much growth has happened and i’m honestly so proud of myself. i graduated high school and college, visited 24 countries, started countless new jobs and moved so many times. the emotional growth has been torturous but so amazing in the end.

half of high school happened. i was so ugly, insecure, and shy, and i had no idea how to fit in. i was good at school but i remember feeling perceived as having “no personality” because i was so quiet. i had awful skin and no clue how to dress well, or how to do my hair or fix my eyebrows. i lived mostly within my imagination and i spent so many hours on tumblr and polyvore and 8tracks, collecting pretty images and music and dreaming up escapist fantasies. i was such a dreamy, poetic girl with all these artistic hobbies but i could not for the life of me fit in at school and i thought boys would never, ever like me. i did cross country and track and that was the closest i came to feeling a sense of belonging. during the summers i went on a rafting trip in utah and discovered people actually thought i was funny, and i went to france and discovered i was very good at foreign languages. i guess during the second half of high school i developed my tastes in music and books and art, i got pretty into fitness and running, and by the end of high school i finally found my real friends, even though i went in and out of severe bouts of depression which prevented me from feeling like i belonged in the group.

after high school i had no interest in going to college, but i felt the pressure from my school and my parents. i compromised by taking a semester off to go to bolivia and peru. this was such a highlight of my life. i felt for the first time like i belonged, truly. people liked me, people thought i was funny. nothing could get my spirits down. i absolutely loved roughing it - living out of a backpack, hiking in the mountains, learning spanish, playing cards to pass the time because we didn’t even have cell phones. i can’t even describe how much i loved the three months i spent in south america. i think fondly about this trip all the time.

then came college. i never wanted to go in the first place, and it truly was a horrible experience for me. once again, i did not fit in. i smoked way too much weed and tried all these drugs and thought i was so fucking cool. i wanted to escape reality so bad during this intensely lonely time. i used to get super stoned by myself and just walk around at night, alone, for hours. i felt like i had no friends. i felt like everyone on that campus was so cookie-cutter and basic, and i couldn’t relate to any of them. i dated my first boyfriend, which was such a mistake. because i was so ugly and shy in high school, i had terrible self esteem and i felt immediately attracted to anyone who remotely “wanted” me. that relationship was terrible. i thought i was in love but i felt so used and manipulated by the end of it. i had no idea how to navigate those types of feelings or how to stand up for myself. i was beyond depressed and constantly wished i was dead. my acne was so bad and my room was so messy and i was living such an unhealthy lifestyle. i was snorting adderall and smoking cigarettes. i was doing acid and walking around campus, feeling more detached than ever. i don’t even know how i managed to get decent grades in school.

i dated my second boyfriend, and he treated me a lot better but we were so codependent and awful together. i felt like such trash and like no one would ever like me at that fucking university so i might as well hate everyone else too and spend time with the one person i could connect with. we didn’t care about anyone except each other. neither of us had any friends. we treated everyone else like shit. the summer after sophomore year we went on a roadtrip up the west coast and we did all these drugs together and went to raves all the time and it was so fun and carefree. all we did was smoke, eat, do drugs, go to concerts, have sex, and watch TV. then i went to tanzania to study abroad for three months, and i finally realized how damaging it had been to live with him in our own stupid alternate reality, willfully oblivious to everything and everyone else. i realized how much i’d been shutting out my own friends. i realized how much i’d missed out on. i realized that i had never had a boyfriend i was actually in love with and attracted to. i’d just been looking for something to fill the lonely, something to assure me i was pretty and good because i could not love myself. i was so miserable in that hellhole university, but dating people gave me temporary happiness.

i finally broke up with my second boyfriend for good after dragging it out for another six months. i just didn’t know how to end things at all. but i finally did. the last year of college was actually kind of fun. it was so bittersweet. for the first time, i was single and having a good time. i woke up and realized how badly i played myself by wasting so much time being miserable with men, and i was so angry and bitter about this. instead of being alone all the time, i took dance classes and went out to the bar every thursday night and partied and had a lot of fun. i felt like i should have been having fun like that throughout college. but oh well. i didn’t want to die anymore, but i still wasn’t very happy. i remember drinking entire bottles of wine by myself in desperate attempts to feel something.

after graduating college i felt so liberated. i felt pretty that summer. i lost a lot of weight in tanzania and i didn’t have my chipmunk cheeks anymore. i bought a one way ticket to europe, where i had the time of my damn life. i lived like a dirty vagabond, sleeping on random people’s floors and drifting from place to place. i hooked up with a lot of men. i went wherever the wind took me. i felt so alive and invigorated now that i was no longer trapped in the university bubble. i felt like i wanted to just travel forever. i eventually got tired of it, gained weight, felt ugly again, and ran out of money. i fell head over heels in love with sam. i really felt like i had found “the one”. he was cute, he was funny, he was outgoing and my friends and family actually liked him - they hated my other boyfriends.

i thought i had found my confidence but i really hadn’t. i was still really insecure. i had not recovered from my experiences in high school and college. my stint in europe was a refreshing rush of adrenaline, but it did not fix my issues deep down. i was a jealous girlfriend. i did not know how to communicate my feelings. i still did not know how to stand up for myself. i kept everything inside.

there was a brief time - when i went to spain to get my TEFL - when things felt almost perfect between sam and me. we were so happy there. he had lots of friends, i had lots of friends, we ate and drank and partied and went running and just felt so optimistic about our future together. when we moved to vietnam together i ended up feeling so hopeless and sad. things fell apart rather quickly, but i convinced myself to hold on. within the first two months of being there, i had this voice in the back of my mind telling me i should break up with sam, that it wasn’t going to work out. and i was RIGHT - but i didn’t listen to myself, as usual. i let it drag on and on. i thought it would get better. and it didn’t, of course. i felt cheated again. i had not had a good time in vietnam, and i felt so bitter as i wondered, would things have been better had i gone there alone, without sam? would i have made more friends that way? would i have found a niche? there is no point in wasting time wondering what could have been. there is only what was. i only wish i would have been strong enough to just end things with sam instead of hanging on for so long - but was i wrong to hope things would get better for us? i was learning life lessons and i can’t get mad at myself for that.

in retrospect it’s so clear to me i should have never gone to new zealand with him. i should have listened to myself, because i always knew i didn’t want to go there. but i did not listen. i was desperate to feel what i had felt for sam before, during happier times. but i would never feel that way again. i went to new zealand and i was literally suicidal. i didn’t know what i’d done to deserve everything to go so wrong. i was so mad at myself for allowing the whole thing to happen, and for ignoring that fact that sam and i had been miserable together for months and months - we just chose not to accept it. we chose to blame it on being in vietnam, on not having friends, etc. but it was really just us.

as awful as that time was, it’s a part of my story now. it was a transformative time and i laugh about it now - living in a car, breaking up on valentine’s day, sharing a kitchen with 60 people. so ridiculous that’s how we ended up. now it’s the end of the year and i feel so much life inside me. i want to keep living. i laugh so much every day. i have an amazing roommate who feels like a sister, i have so many friends, i have so much fun at my jobs, i finally have a place to call home. i have not slept with a man in 9 months because i haven’t even met anyone i feel attracted to. i finally feel like i know my worth. at least i hope so. i feel confident. i have been through so many lows that the highs feel so good. i am ending this year and this decade on a very good note and i am so glad.

#journal #long post

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