#every line and lesson is a banger

[lionfloss]

[sophies-junkyard]

NOBODY ASKED but… Obviously Simon’s arc in adventure time solidified the series as one of greatest of all time (and I’m so hyped for this ice king sadness renaissance) but now I’m thinking of OTHER Adventure Time moments that rewired my brain as a kid. In no particular order:

1. “Once the strong guys got it how they liked it they said ‘this is fair now. This is the law.’ Once they were winning they changed the rules”. They really had the cartoon dog say that on tv in 2014.

2. “People get built different. We don’t have to understand it, we just gotta respect it”

3. The entirety of All The Little People. That shit was absolutely nuts for a kids show but also like…. I can’t articulate the lesson I just know there was one and it haunted me. The danger of the human ego. Hubris. Irreverence. Don’t play god bro.

4. Lady and Peebles. When PB ripped Ricardio’s leg off and bashed his skull in with it. And it was so hardcore they edited it out of the episode. Bro. I remember watching that after school one day and how my jaw just DROPPED at a PRINCESS being so brutal. They let her be so fucking angry and that was a game changer.

5. [Finn, about a horrific memory] “that one’s going in the vault. Aaaaaaaaaandd. It’s gone.” I quote that CONSTANTLY. It’s a great way to bring levity to a bad situation, but also forces me to go “hey wait a sec that’s not gonna work forever”. Things don’t stay in the vault.

6. Puhoy. He lived an entire life in that pillow world. He had kids. And then it’s just gone like a dream.

7. The deer. It was probably my first real introduction to horror. The hand wiggle. You all know exactly what I’m referencing. Were the candy people stuck in that well for 6 months???

8. What Was Missing!! Obviously now because it foreshadowed (and confirmed past) Bubbline, but back then just because it was so good??? IMO, this is the episode that defined WHO our main cast was, and how their relationships needed to grow for them to be content. It set up the next 6 years of the show! Plus it gave us 2 absolute BANGERS. Ugh i rewatched that recording so many times it wasn’t even funny.

9. Ghost Princess. Really just for the line where he sounds like he’s gonna shit his pants remembering his death and then in a clear narrator voice he’s like “I was a broken man.”

10. The pajama war episode. Now I’m doing this from memory so I could be wrong, but I think this really marks the start of Finn growing up. “I’ve really enjoyed just… hanging out with you.” The ability to start over with someone you’ve got complicated history with. The kindness. The growth from both of them!! It’s a direct parallel of episode 1 but their tones couldn’t be more different and I love it.

11. The slow and horrifying realization that The Mushroom War was nuclear Armageddon. Mushroom clouds. That went so far over my head as a kid even though they reference it constantly. It finally clicked during “I remember you”. Which I am NOT gonna go into because holy fuck that’s like 18 posts on its own.

12. Goliad! A child mirroring EVERYTHING they see, for better or worse. Seeing Jake in a bad moment screaming at the kids and goliad absorbing that behavior. Seeing she can use fear to control people. Also PB was Fucking Crazy! Her line “I’m not gonna live forever… I would if I could” is even more unhinged when we learn (like years later) that she’s already 900 years old. But she does physically age so I guess there’s that. The Suitor also falls into this category of episodes.

Ok getting into some of the more talked about moments

1. OK I LIED I have to talk about I remember you. I was 11 years old. I turned on the new adventure time episode like usual. 10 minutes later I was grappling with a grief I had never imagined before. Absolutely BAWLING not just for Simon and Marceline (the PLOT), but for what it showed me. The reality that every kid tries not to think about: your loved ones will leave you someday, even if they don’t want to. It’s an episode that becomes more powerful with every year I get older. To get a bit personal, dementia has completely taken my grandparents from me. I’ve seen sides of my grandfather that should never have existed, and I must constantly forgive him for what he does… now that he doesn’t remember me. And someday it’ll be my parents. That’s just the way of the world, ya know? Anyways, I remember my mom got home right as the credits were rolling and we had a long talk about keeping people alive with memory, mortality, and how the future was far away and we should decide on dinner lmao.

2. The Hall of Egress. I was almost 15. Life was changing. I was changing, and it was strange and frightening. That feeling where you know you’re losing your childhood but you just want to cling to it. Follow the same old familiar path, stick with what’s comfortable. But life doesn’t work that way. It took me years to really understand this episode and it’s symbolism. Honestly I still don’t think I could fully explain it. It’s like. How do I put this. I was so glad to be in the target age group in that moment. I was so glad that something I was growing up with was assuring me “you’re changing, but we’re changing too”. And isn’t that the theme of adventure time? Everything stays, but it still changes.

3. The absolute horror of Ferns existence. He’s Finn, but he’s wrong and warped. All those memories of the people he loves and they can’t stand to be in the same room as him.

4. Susan Strong. The introduction of a RUNNING PLOT. The show up to that point had really been so goofy and so monster of the week. I think the only really plot heavy episode before this one was It Came From the Nightosphere? And then suddenly they call into question the fact that Finn really is the ONLY HUMAN in all of OOO. And then… is he? It was SUCH a departure from the usual tone. Ending that episode with him reaching below her hat and gasping in shock, but never telling the audience what he found. And then she’s just gone. Which leads us to Islands!

5. Min and Marty. Second saddest episode in the entirety of adventure time, made worse because you know exactly how this family is gonna end up. There’s SO MUCH to dissect about Martins behavior in the series. A reformed con artist receives a traumatic brain injury while attempting to save his son. They’re both lost at sea, and he never looks for him. Was it the emotional trauma? Was it the physical damage? Meanwhile a mother loses her husband and her child in a single night and never EVER learns why. Nobody but Martin knows what happened that night. Also Finns fear of the ocean from season 1 is finally explained. 7 years of ignoring Finns origins and then they throw you THIS??? Watching it live was unreal.

Anyways I’m sure I’ll think of more. I might add on to this later for my own sake lmao, but I’d love to hear other peoples formative moments, quotes, episodes, etc. I really just needed to dump this information out of my brain so I can get on with my week.

[threadsun]

Sweets🍭 Asks: "Heeeey! It's me! I've just been struggling with ideas because....ive been thinking about things unrelated to sunny day Jack

BUT HEAR ME OUT

Remember that one fic you wrote with Jean and Joseph with teacher MC

Yeah that but...mc is the director\creator of the sunny time crew and here's the kicker

They are extremely miserable

They hate their job

They hate their life

They hate children

They probably hate Jean and Joseph too

Will that stop them from flirting with this tired annoyed grumpy director?

Nope! I mean Jack and Rory were made to make people happy!

It's gonna be a piece of cake

...right?"

Oh Sweets hellooooooo!!! I love you!!! You always bring me the absolute most banger ideas!!!

I love the idea of them both falling for this person who looks like they haven't slept in weeks and visibly loathes every moment they're on set lmao

Content: hatred of children, general depression, ngl reader just sort of sucks, smoking, absolutely shamelessly dirty flirting, suicidal ideation/joking about suicide, reader is not okay

Coffee isn't enough anymore. You need an IV drip of caffeine straight into your blood stream. Or some heavy drugs. Or a real hard blow to the head with a baseball bat. At this point, you're not picky. Whatever gets you off this stupid set.

The SunnyTime Crew Show. Your crowning achievement. The idea that made your career. Shown across millions of tv sets all over the country every single day. Shown to all those little ankle biters you can't stand the sight of, too young and useless to so much as wipe their own asses.

It's all bright colours and simple words and stupid, terrible songs that get stuck in your head on loop until you want to bash your brains in against a wall. Not that it takes much for you to feel that way these days. Especially given the people you're working with.

Joseph Haberdae and Jean Laurent. Rising star and bossy diva. The constant bickering. The even more constant flirting. The adlibbed lines. The relentless cheer while the cameras roll. And the insufferable questions when they don't. They take the whole thing so fucking seriously. Like this is anything more than some drivel for parents to shove their kids in front of when they can't be bothered to parent anymore.

Maybe you don't hate the kids, maybe it's the parents you resent. Always shoving crying babies into your arms during live recordings so their "precious child" can get a better look at the set. Demanding the show teach this or that lesson. Begging for the Crew to come work birthday parties.

But no, you can't stand wiping little noses and listening to the shrieks. Kids have always given you the creeps, but now they piss you off. Always saying weird things and rubbing their sticky fingers all over set. You're just lucky the stars are better with the kids than you are.

"Should we cut?" Your brought out of your stewing annoyance by the sound of your PA whispering in your ear.

You down the last of your coffee and shove the cup into his hands, a silent demand for more. "Cut!"

You hadn't noticed the scene end. But it didn't matter, Joseph and Jean had started improvising lines anyway, as they so often did. Your eye twitches in annoyance. You don't spend your time yelling at the writers to get every line perfect just for these idiots in costumes to make shit up.

"Haberdae, Laurent." You snap your fingers and point to the spot in front of you. "Everyone else, take five. Then we reshoot. We get it right this time or every single one of you is out of a goddamn job."

As the rest of the cast and crew file out for their break, the two men stand at attention before you. They know where this conversation is going. It's the same one you have every time they so much as change a single word from the script.

"So, which school was it?" You cross you arms and scowl at them both.

They exchange a look of confusion before Joseph ventures a reply. "What?"

"Which school? SoCal? Columbia? You do RTF at Austin?" They can tell your tone is derisive, but they're still not sure what you're getting at. You roll your eyes. "Where you studied screenwriting. I assume you've got some writing background, since you're always changing my fucking script."

Oh. Ohhhhh. Okay, they're on the same page as you now. Joseph has the good grace to look chastised, staring at his feet like a kicked puppy. Jean isn't one to be so easily intimidated. He raises an eyebrow and shrugs.

"What was it today, your assistant got you the wrong coffee? Or did some kid get ketchup all over your copy of the script?" He's used to your bad moods. They both are, but he's not swayed by them. "If you'd actually watched the take rather than staring off into space, you'd realise it was better than the shit your writers came up with."

You purse your lips. He's... probably not wrong. It's hard to find good writers who are willing to throw their talents away on a show like this. And they do both have an admirable understanding of their characters. Much as you hate them, they're true to your original vision. The vision you wished you'd never had.

With a reluctant sigh, you move to rewatch the take. Your PA hands you your coffee and a lit cigarette before hastily retreating, not wanting to be caught in the crossfire of whatever's going on. It's a relief, the burn of the smoke in your throat followed by the burn of the scalding coffee.

"Watch."

Joseph's behind you, hands hovering just over your waist as his breath brushes against your ear. Damn this infuriatingly handsome man and his lack of personal space. You grit your teeth and focus on the screen, ignoring the huge man all but pressed against your back. He and Jean crowd you, trying to get a good look at the viewer as you play back the scene.

It's... good. Better than the script. You don't want to admit it out loud, but their additions make more sense with the episode's story, and sound more like Jack and Rory. Damn them.

"See?" Joseph's lips brush against your ear, one hand making contact with your waist for just a moment to give it a soothing rub. "Not bad, right?"

You shove him aside, taking a long drag of your cigarette and pretending to mull it over. As if there's any question. He watches you closely, with all the eagerness of youth and all the ego of an actor who knows he's good at his job.

"Fine." You breathe the word out in a plume of smoke. "It's good enough, I guess. We don't have time for another take anyway."

Joseph grins, leaning an arm on your shoulder like you're an old friend rather than his director. "Come on, you can admit it. We're good."

You sneer at him, trying to nudge his massive forearm off you. But he doesn't budge. Instead, Jean takes up an identical position leaning on your other shoulder.

"So tense," he tuts and shakes his head. "Come on, you can praise us sometimes, you know."

With a roll of your eyes, you resign yourself to once again being crowded by the two men. You can't honestly say you mind it. "Why, so you can get off to it later? I've got about as much interest in stroking your goddamn egos as I do in stroking your pathetic cocks."

"Watch out," Jean's voice is a familiar, teasing lilt. Though it feels directed as much at Joseph as it is at you. "Talk like that might just get Joseph all riled up."

"Eugh." You mime throwing up, ducking from under their arms to grab your coffee and down some more. "Don't need to know about your humiliation kink, thanks."

Joseph's redder than he'd care to admit, but he tries to brush it off. "You know, I didn't realise you thought about stroking our cocks that often. Or our egos."

"Maybe a quick romp would help loosen you up a bit?" Jean suggests, raising an eyebrow with a quirk of his lips. "Keep you focused on your job. Is that why you've got that thousand yard stare every time we shoot? Too busy thinking about fucking us in our dressing rooms?"

From an outside perspective it might seem like sexual harassment in the workplace, but... you encourage it in your own way. You could easily set boundaries if you wanted to, but their flirting—however much they annoy you—is the only interesting part of your life right now. The only part that doesn't make you consider jumping off the roof of the studio.

"Too busy thinking about the easiest way to off myself, more like. Still trying to decide between throwing myself in the reservoir and just jumping in front of the next car I see."

"Well, wouldn't that be a waste of a pretty face?"

Jean's not worried by your theatrics. It's not the first time you've loudly proclaimed your intentions to off yourself, nor will it be the last. It never stops you coming in the next day, looking as dead behind the eyes as ever, and yelling at everyone you see.

"Pretty face." You snort, trying not to choke on your coffee. "What, is it the eyebags or the fact that I haven't had time for a decent meal in months?"

"I think it's your smile." Joseph's always so... genuine. He flirts like Jean, of course, but sometimes he'll throw something so earnest at you that it winds you. "We don't get to see it often, but... you've got a really nice smile."

It feels like he's punched you in the chest, not given you a sweet compliment. It's time to put a stop to this for now. The flirting's gone past entertaining and straight into that dangerous territory that leaves you worried you might do something stupid. Like fall for one or both of them. Not to mention, you've still got half a day of filming this bullshit left.

"Fuck off to makeup, be back on set in two. We'll pick up with Rory's baking lesson."

With a stern nod to the stage door, the two hurry off. You feel like you can breathe again. When they're around, you start to get claustrophobic. Or maybe coulrophobic. Or maybe just... you feel vaguely nauseous at even the shadow of a thought about having romantic feelings for either of the frustrating, handsome actors.

Nope.

No way.

Definitely not.

Not while you have the world's worst tv show to direct.

.

.

.

God you hate your life.

[smytherines]

can you sing?????? sorry this is really out of pocket and i mightve hallucinated this but i swear to god u said u did a drama program that did a musical every year and now i need to know if you're a triple threat (writer artist and singer)

I don't sing as well as I used to, I'm badly out of practice for anything other than karaoke, but yes I can sing!

I did a community theatre program in my area from ages 8 to 18, and it saved my life. It was split into a company for kids, and one for teens. So until 13 I did two shows and (sometimes) one musical per year, and then from 13 on we would do two shows per year, one musical, and then we would work tech for the two kids company shows. We also had two semesters of acting classes, one in the fall and one in the spring.

So I've done pretty much everything but spotlight (you could not pay me enough, spot operators are heroes). I've been a stage manager, prop master, I particularly loved doing sound because they let us make our own preshow mixes and I'd put way too much effort into mine. We were just a little community theatre, so we didn't do big name expensive license shows, but I played the Tin Man in Oz! And had to sing an incredibly weird song that starts with the line come on and lubricate my mouth (I swear to god I am not making that up). Actually kind of a banger though, and I got to sing at the low end of my range for once.

We had a professional vocal coach at the theatre program, but also my mother took vocal lessons for years and was a singer in a local band for about a decade, so I had a lot of help developing my voice early on. When I auditioned for the school choir the director told me he could really put me anywhere and I'd do well, but he only had 8 altos so that's where I went.

My biggest non-musical role was playing Jo March in Little Women, where I was onstage for 120 pages out of a 126 page script. I am very much a Jo March, like to the point where everyone just took it as a given I would get the role before auditions even happened, even though I was not usually cast as the heroine. I almost always got cast as a villain or the most over the top energetic characters, like I played Ms. Minchin in A Little Princess, most of the eccentric bit parts in The Man Who Came to Dinner (Banjo, Grand Duchess Olga Katrina, more I can't remember)

Sorry I'm babbling so much!! I don't get to talk about my theatre days very often, so I get excited! But that's why I love analysizing character and acting choices so much. I used to fill notebooks with lore about the characters I played. There's just something very interesting to me about using all these little... data points (?) to build a person. Like- if I was experiencing this emotion, how would my eyebrow move? What would my lips be doing, what would my hands be doing, how would that emotion affect my voice and body language. It's something I do all the time as an autistic person anyways, so acting almost felt like research to me.

Okay I'll shut up now, sorry I did an essay!!

[thesinglesjukebox]

(G)I-DLE - "QUEENCARD"

Time to find out once and for all -- like, for real this time -- who hates fun!

6.29

Kayla Beardslee: Dumb bitches assemble (affectionate). "Queencard" is kind of embarrassing to defend (you're going to bat for the boob and booty hot song? really?), but if you listen to it enough, it becomes impossible to deny that it's also kind of a banger. It would be a different matter if the production and topline weren't pulling their weight, but that bassline rips, and those line-to-line handoffs between all five members in the first verse get me every time. It also helps that this song comes from by far the best album (G)I-DLE has ever put out: when "Queencard" is placed next to the beautiful, dreamy B-side "Paradise" or the sinister-sexy "Lucid," its goofiness seems less like actual vapidity and more like Soyeon intentionally fucking around because she knows it's good to have a little fun and gas yourself up sometimes. Like, look me in the eyes and tell me it's not high performance art to release "Tomboy" and "Queencard" (and "Nxde"!) within a year of one another. I can get on board with a bit of silliness in exchange for the album I've been waiting for (G)I-DLE to make since I first discovered them -- which, as it happens, was when the Jukebox covered "Uh Oh" back in 2019. What a lovely and emotionally nuanced full-circle moment. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go back to twerking on the runway. [8]

Crystal Leww: MY BOOB AND BUTT IS HOT MY BOOB AND BUTT IS HOT MY BOOB AND BUTT IS HOT MY BOOB AND BUTT IS HOT MY BOOB AND BUTT IS HOT [8]

Katherine St Asaph: Vintage Fergie. [3]

Harlan Talib Ockey: Ridiculous. [7]

Tara Hillegeist: As an object lesson in one of pop music's golden rules -- "unfuckwithable production can save unforgivable lyrics every time" -- "Queencard" ticks all the bases. Embarrassing lines like "twerking on the runway" and "sexy like Kim Kardashian" that not even Meghan Trainor could've written with a straight face completely fail to dent that supple bassline and synth-bleep driven stomp of a beat. There isn't a single word of this song worth dignifying with a sincere analysis; there isn't a single word of this song that matters while the squelched-alarm bubble and squeak of a melody and irrepressible line delivery are still making the brain jiggle like so much excited jelly under their sonic assault. This is a missive from the same school of thought that produced "Song 2": a heady slab of music so thoroughly stupid yet sneeringly self-confident about it, hearing it excites the listener enough to mistake it for the work of a frustrated genius, instead. I cannot take its message seriously without taking insult. I can't stop pressing repeat. [7]

Will Adams: So many delightfully dumb lines, it's hard to choose a favorite. I wish the music had been equally as silly, as opposed to whatever Jonas Brothers purgatory it currently exists in. [5]

Alfred Soto: Elements from Pussycat Dolls and Meghan Trainor drift and fade with the attention span. [4]

Daniel Montesinos-Donaghy: This quintet's energy is infectious enough to take "Queencard" (great title) to the finish line, but there's no getting past the backing track. Envision every Black Friday/post-Christmas/commercial on TV, strip the jaunty musical beds from their flatscreen-deal context, then paste them one after the other. I'm sorry, but GO TO PRISON!!! [2]

Nortey Dowuona: Pop rock as an aesthetic is actually a good thing to be pilfering from. It's not novel or boundary pushing in the slightest, but after the last decade of everything stealing from rap -- the structures, the adlibs, the flows, the kicks, snares, hi-hats and percussion, the poses, the clothing -- and miserably failing to even slightly capture the same lightning strike... maybe don't be bothered to try. I've been listening to What Had Happened Was with Questlove, and at each turn I grow more frustrated by the fact that neither he nor Black Thought ever cottoned on to the giant possibilities of being an actual band, only producing musical phrases to be looped in the least interactive or vivid way. And this song, which is a solid approximation of 2005 pop rock and 2011 piss-take raps, just frustrates me cuz it feels like Jeon So-yeon, the group's Questlove, has the same problem; being able to make poppy Shafiq Husayn records and settling for Max Martin throwaways. [5]

Joshua Minsoo Kim: How long has it been since we've had an honest-to-god hook song? You could blame it on shifting musical trends, but ever since K-pop made it big in the West, lyrics have had to start making sense. This means we've been deprived of the joy that comes with wonky English. The lyrics are especially camp on "Queencard," but it goes beyond that: it's the total surrendering of a topline to phrasing and rhythm. Case in point: "My boob and booty" has syllabic parallels with "I'm top" and "twerking." There's also a slick maneuvering between English and Korean here, with (G)I-DLE selecting the words that sound best -- "ppoppo" is way more fun than "kiss," and "I'm cute" can be delivered with more sass than the same phrase in Korean. "Queencard" may not be a term the average American knows, but it doesn't matter: it's the sort of nonsense word that you can repeat incessantly, much like we all did with "gee" 14 years ago. To top it off, (G)I-DLE actually sound like they're enjoying themselves instead of delivering a Serious Message. We may never get a song like this again. [7]

David Moore: There's boob and booty and twerking in this one, sure, but the most exhilarating part of the whole thing is when the phrase "I'm a queencard" in the chorus devolves into uncanny syllables, like Jell-O starting to go runny in the sun, in a way doesn't just tell you what a queencard is, but really points to it -- this is a queencard. I'm reminded that K-pop isn't just multilingual, but often meta-lingual in the way that so much (all?) good pop is, refusing to let words get by as mere signifiers and forcing us to reckon with words at the phonemic, molecular level. How wild is it that the entire basis of our civilization is built on these funky noises we make with our mouths and tongues and lungs and noses and throats? I think that's neat. [8]

Kat Stevens: I worry that she's going to lose a lot of money at poker. [6]

Michael Hong: Look, Soyeon's English lyrics are often questionable, and it doesn't help that each member seems to drop syllables. She's exaggerated her "rapping" voice to be sharper and more piercing, and the lyric "look so cool, look so sexy like Kim Kardashian (uh) / look so cute, look so pretty like Ariana" fits awkwardly in the meter and is a bit reductive of each (but also your bad if you expected a nuanced feminist take from the group that brought you "Nxde"). And the entire thing is just a Valley Girl rip of "Song 2" by Blur. And yet, 4 + 4 is still: [8]

Brad Shoup: The pre-chorus is really interesting, how it teeters on the rim of Meghan Trainor maltshop-pop without ever falling in. It's a nice break from the spy-theme slink that dominates this. [5]

Jacob Sujin Kuppermann: Referencing Ariana Grande directly feels like giving away the game -- this is some real Dangerous Woman shit, a maximalist pop barrage that seems to operate on the principle that if you make enough baffling aesthetic and lyrical decisions it'll loop back to sense eventually. Joke's on me -- they're right! This sounds like how I imagine getting shot out of a T-shirt cannon would feel. [7]

Michelle Myers: Shuhua is a queencard. Soyeon is squeak-rapping like she's HyunA's daughter. Minnie is hosting a blue champagne party and doing her best Debbie Harry impression. Miyeon hard carries the pre-chorus. Yuqi is jamming the phrase "sexy like Kim Kardashian" into five syllables. She's top. She's twerking on the runway. [8]

Anna Katrina Lockwood: "I'm twerking on the runway" has got to be in the top five greatest stunt English lines in K-pop history. (G)I-DLE have always had oodles of talent and charisma, but "Queencard," like last year's "Tomboy," has the confidence of maturity and a rare sense of unfettered enjoyment. Nobody's had such a good time in a music video since GD and TOP went to the club. Speaking of YG party songs, of course this is reminiscent of that format---though as others have pointed out, it lacks the true YG party chorus to close. There are a few better precedents in Cube's own history, which are combined effectively with a vaguely punk rock sound and a sensitive handful of blog house references. Part of the magic has to be the judicious editing Soyeon has applied here -- "Queencard" is a blisteringly tight 2:41, far from the bloat often befalling her earlier compositions. It's fun, you can shout along to it, there's a funny little dance, there are at least three melodies I've had stuck in my head--it's some good fucking K-pop. [9]

[Read, comment and vote on The Singles Jukebox ]

[youtastelike-sunlight]

4, 19, and 26 for the three song ask game!

4. Three songs that you know thanks to your parents

Come On Eileen by Dexys Midnight Runners - fun fact, when I was eight or so my stepdad told the joke... well, I say it was TO me, he says it was IN FRONT OF me, it's a point of contention. Anyway, it's a ridiculous and very common joke: What's worse than Grease on Olivia Newton-John? Come On Eileen. And because I was EIGHT it will literally never leave my brain and so EVERY time this song pops up, that joke appears in my head.

Achy Breaky Heart by Billy Ray Cyrus - my mum was a fitness instructor and I can still see the step aerobics routine to this song in my head. It involved a grapevine.

Decomposing Composers by Monty Python - we had this thing on VINYL (before the vinyl renaissance) and I fucking love it

19. Three songs that are your guilty pleasure

You know, I refuse to feel guilty about the songs I like anymore. I spent my teenage/early twenties downplaying and defending my love of TSwift to my rock/metal friends, my love of hard rock to my Swiftie friends, my adoration of movie versions of Broadway shows to my theatre friends.... etc. You get it. HOWEVER, I will put here three songs from my Barbecue Beats playlist that always get me a "THIS?" when people are at my house and hear them lmao.

Get Low by Lil Jon & The East Side Boyz - the day after the RWRB film came out my spouse came into the kitchen while I was cooking and this song was playing, and they were like "Oh, this is stuck in your head because of the film?" and I had to be like no, it's been on my playlist for ages lmao.

Everywhere I Go by Hollywood Undead - also on my 'Feminism Off Misogyny On' playlist for obvious reasons, it's ridiculous but fuck is it fun to sing.

Pull My Beads Of Love by Mr Fantastic and Sam Riegel (from The Legend of Vox Machina) - this song is fucking unhinged and I'm obsessed with it.

26. Three favourite non-English songs

I actually have two separate playlists for non-English songs: Waiata has all my te reo Māori songs and Esperanto has everything else.

Bist du down? by ACE TEE - this song fucking slaps start to finish

Te Ao Mārama by Lorde - the lyrics are absolutely fucking gorgeous and it's one of those songs that's so fun to sing along to

Kia Tū Au Hei Ariki from Lion King Reo Māori - so far Lion King, Moana, Frozen, and Coco have all had full te reo Māori releases and I believe Encanto is next? And every damn song is incredible, the films aren't direct translations, the use of pronouns, dialects etc is VERY deliberate, and they are all amazing, BUT as Lion King is the only one of these films from MY childhood I have a particular soft spot for it. This song is a banger in every language, but what I like about this one is there are a few lines in it that are sentences/sentence structures you learn very early in te reo lessons, so beginner Māori speakers will listen to this song and be like OH!

["The Three Songs" ask set]

[tumblydove]

So you finished Bluey...

Now what?

Here's a list of shows to watched if you've finished or are interested in the Australian dog show! Some are more similar than others, but I feel that all the shows I list here embody at least one of the things that make Bluey so special.

Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom: Don't let the creator fool you: Although this show was made by the same people who brought us Peppa Pig, it has much more charm and worldbuilding that makes it a good watch for Bluey fans. While it’s artstyle and occasionally annoying side characters might drive some away, overall Ben and Holly is a great watch with moments that actually made me laugh out loud. The whole show is available on YouTube.

Slumberkins: This is an adorable puppet show based off a line of toys aimed at helping kids navigate social emotional learning. While it is much more moral-driven than Bluey, the lessons aren’t shoved down your throat and are instead presented in heartwarmingly funny stories with a song scattered in every episode. The show is available on Apple TV+.

Becca’s Bunch: it’s a crime that not many people have stumbled upon this watch! This unique show combines puppetry with 2d and centers around an ambitious little owl and her woodland friends. The series is available on Paramount Plus with clips on YouTube.

Bing Bunny: This show is cuteness overload! The main character is a small, three year old bunny whose caretaker is a small orange doll-like creature named Flop. Like three year olds are, Bing and his shenanigans can change from adorable to plain annoying in an instant, but when the show is good, it’s a cute, calming experience. Unfortunately, Bing was a victim of the great HBO Max purge and only clips are available in the US. However, if you are able to invest in a VPN then you can find every episode of the UK dub on YouTube.

Elinor Wonders Why: The other, more popular cute bunny show. Luckily, this show is more widely available. It airs on PBS and has full episodes updated weekly on the PBS Kids Video app.

Bear in the Big Blue House: My comfort show! Likeable characters, banger songs and great humor have this on one of my favorite current shows! Almost all episodes are on Disney Plus, but if you don’t have the service then you can catch many on the Internet Archive!

Other great shows that I’ve heard about but haven’t seen much of include Hilda, Puffin Rock, Sarah and Duck and Hey Duggee.

I hope this list was helpful for deciding your next hyperfixtation! But if you desperately need more content, then don’t fear! All episodes (even 3B) are available on the Archive and 3C will be out next year. Until then, Happy New Year and happy binging!

[dirtanddistance]

Squamish50 Reflections

Now that the afterglow of the 50-miler has faded and reality sets back in, I’ve had a moment to reflect on some of the lessons and oddities I encountered during and after the race, and am ready to share them with the internet void (and you, dear reader)!

Appetite woes: A common joke in the running community is the idea of running a lot so you can eat a lot. While I try not to fall into this mindset, I 100% expected to feel pretty famished within 24 hours of finishing a 50 miler. I was surprised to discover that I was wrong, and that it actually took two or three days to really feel hungry again. I panicked during the first day and had to google if this is normal. At least two other people on the internet said it was.

I have no control over the inside of my brain: This is a lesson I should have learned from my 3 prior ultras, which, although they were all 50ks, were all over the spectrum in the mental aspect. I already had experienced that you can do the exact same race twice and have dramatically different experiences despite having trained pretty solidly both times. All of these experiences were conveniently not in my brain when I panicked about 15k into this race and alternated between a steady negotiation with myself about quitting and the song ‘Replay’ by Iyaz on loop in my head.

If you run long enough, your brain will generate thoughts you no longer thought you had access to: see above, having ‘Replay’ stuck in my head for at least 35% of my course time. I had not listened to this song since I was in high school. It does not resemble anything currently on my very carefully curated training playlists. I had meticulously groomed my listening habits during my training runs with an agreeable mixture of Rich Roll podcast episodes and music which I thought would be okay to have stuck in my head during a race. None of this was remotely useful during the actual race. I did not draw on any deep inspiration I may have gleaned from my podcast consumption, and the only thing I accomplished by listening to The 1975 for hours each week was to have a recurring nightmare featuring Matty Healy. Not a singular controversial groovy bop remained in my head to console me as I plodded along. Only Replay by Iyaz, and the specter of giving up and going home.

People will think you’re crazy for not listening to anything during the race: I listened to music, podcasts, or the voices of my friends during literally every training run for this race. I listened to absolutely nothing besides whatever was going on around me during the race. I have never listened to music during a race. My mother thought I was a raving lunatic when I informed her I was not going to listen to anything during the race. Now, was it a good decision to listen to nothing? I think the fact that my brain spontaneously reintroduced me to a total banger of a throwback jam was worth it, but there is always the possibility that I could’ve drowned out the quitter-itis with bops. The fact that I had no bops and still did not quit may deserve a medal of its own, and at minimum gives me a mild air of smugness about my mental game for surviving like it did.

The voice that tells you you’re never doing this again will go away alarmingly fast: I was completely ready to say I was never going to do any race ever again when I crossed the finish line (we can ignore the fact that I was already registered for another race less than two months out from the ultra). I proceeded to register for an 8k in my hometown within the week, and within about two weeks was ready to sign up for at least another 50k in the coming months. I don’t offer much unsolicited advice about ultras, but one thing I do think is really important is to have fun and follow your heart about them. You might have periods where you’re really enthusiastic about running real long, and seasons where there’s just no pull to register for an event. My experience is that listening to that is a really good idea. The drive to get out there again will come back, even if it takes longer than expected, and you’ll have a much better time training when you’re feeling ready to go again than if you are trudging through because you feel like you ‘have to’ do another ultra. The trails will be there waiting when you’re ready, take your time.

Next up: Valley Vertikiller 30k Race Review

[shoichee]

hiii tysm for keeping this fandom alive... i was wondering if i could request hugging hcs for Moriyama, Kasamatsu, and Hayakawa? like what kind of hugs do they give, when, etc.?

BANGER REQUEST THIS IS SUCH A UNIQUE ONE I LOVE THIS THANK YOU ANON.... i hope you’re still around :^) 

[Headcanons]

Moriyama Yoshitaka

this guy is literally the definition of touch-starved LOL

once he finds his special someone, they’re gonna need to prepare themselves for TONS of verbal affection… even if they don’t get his convoluted words half the time

that being said, he wouldn’t be awkward with hugs, but it’s his misinterpretations and poor executions of the hugs that make things awkward

in his MIND, he THINKS he’s being mega suave and totally seducing you with his mannerisms, and you’re just here like, “umm… you know you can just… ask for a hug if you wanted one.”

“According to my research though, it’s better to approach this more poetically in order to be seen in a more profound light with the person you like.”

“Huh? Are you actually trusting the internet more than me about what I want—”

“Sorry, sorry, here,” he would mumble in defeat and immediately bring you to nestle your head against his chest

this type of interaction would be very frequent in the early stages of your shared relationship, where Moriyama would try to salvage his poor social skills by hugging you against body, and him putting his hand to cradle your head while the other is around your waist

of course, even if you were exasperated with him, you can’t help but eventually hug him back and snuggle closer

canon: he’d have unique scents on him every once in a while, because he’s someone to use scented deodorant sprays (like citrus, in the Replace novel)

he’d actually be unintentionally charismatic with his actions? like, if he doesn’t open his mouth and wordlessly hugs you, his body just knows how to accommodate you:

sad? happy? clingy? affectionate? lazy? when he sees your current mood, he just somehow knows what type of hugs to give you…

he thinks the internet advice is working, but in reality, he’s just inherently very in-tuned with people’s emotions; for example, he’s one of the few people who can see straight through Kasamatsu and his inner struggles, and he’s always the first person to suggest roundabout ways to make him relax

so because of this, sometimes he’d make the most confusing statements and random trivias he found from his “research” just to try to look for an opportunity to sneak up and glomp on you “tactfully” (never works, and you end up sighing that *sigh* before letting yourself be open on purpose for Moriyama to sneak in with a hug)

this dude is the type of guy who’d find every opportunity to hug you in front of his teammates to subtly show off how “experienced” he was in dating LOL and then he’d probably say something like, “If you follow the signs I told you guys about, you’ll all be able to have cute dates too, you know…” all while giving that little comical pout and index finger point at them… maybe flipping his bang to the side with that finger too…

but again, he’s touch-starved, so deep inside, he really, REALLY likes hugging you and wants to touch you every moment he gets

whenever he hugs you, he’s at his most “normal,” where he drops the whole “fate, elements, advice” talk and just has normal conversations and genuine muses… although a random corny line might slip out of habit

he hugs you before school, during school, after school, but rarely during practice or games or anything like that… which is surprisingly odd

he’ll hug you in front of his teammates during school no problem, but if it’s right before a practice or a game, he usually doesn’t, mostly because he’s usually very concentrated on the upcoming challenge… and not to mention, he’s a 3rd-year, so he does want to set a good example for the underclassmen in prioritizing the team first

he has no problem scouting for your face on the stands before a game starts though, and of course, he’d pester his team about how cute you looked in the stands

once games end, if you allowed him, he’d usually jog straight to you and would try to give you a quick hug before he’d go back to his teammates to the lockers

Kasamatsu Yukio

touch-starved guy #2, but is also afraid of physical contact

not because he doesn’t like it, but the concept of someone hugging him or him hugging someone for ROMANTIC reasons is so foreign

it’s the fact that he knows he’ll get super sweaty, clammy, and stiff and he KNOWS he’d focus on everything but also on nothing, and at that point he’ll just shut down—

so touch-starved that when he gets a hug from you, he’d be hyper-fixated on EVERYTHING about you and where you’re touching, and his brain would just overload

so the result is the same old Yukio being frozen and stammery and red

in other words, YOU have to initiate the hugs

whenever you hug him, he’s gonna first flinch and then respond by stiffly holding his arms out to support your weight against his body… and then after a few seconds of contact, he would awkwardly pat his two hands on your back in this loose hug he’s doing LOL

all while being red, of course

but how much he hugs depends on how much you go up to him for hugs; as much as he grumbles and stammers and lamely complains, he’d never reject any of your hugs, even with the hesitant reciprocation

if you two are alone, he’s much quicker to hug you back… if you hug him in public or in front of his teammates, he’s more likely to be frozen stiff and slower to pat your arms in a shy hug

however, the times when Kasamatsu would be at his lowest and most emotional are when Kasamatsu initiates the hugs first, often out of nowhere with fierce, tight holds while nuzzling his head into the crook of your neck/top of your shoulder

once he reveals his most vulnerable side like this to you in hugging you, it’d be huge milestone in which he would be more inclined to initiate physical contact without being in a flustered state

all in all, give the poor captain some time… eventually when you’ll reach a certain part of your relationship (see bullet points above), he’ll be comfortable enough to hug you without being a mess

so when he finally gets to this point, he will always ask you for consent (or at least give you a heads up) before he hugs you or physically touches you with, “May I…?” or “Do you mind…?”

and most of the time, or near always, you’d reply, “Of course, Yukio.”

“Th-That’s good…”

he’s still a reserved individual with a captain’s duty to uphold, so he’s not going to be handsy on his end in front of people; he’d literally DIE of embarrassment

expect “loose” hugs from him, he’s not gonna smush your face into his chest or give those extremely tight hugs, generally speaking

so what should you expect from his hugs? assuming that you hugged him first, his hands will always pat your back or rub soothing patterns of circles and swirls, almost in an unconscious effort to try to show you that he does love these hugs from you, even if it’s hard for him to show and express that sometimes

or if he has those shy moments, he’d try to half-heartedly pry you off in a grumbling fluster, but after grasping your arms around his waist, he’d immediately give in and just rub those familiar patterns on your upper arms while trying to convince you to wait until you’re alone with him to do these things

if he senses some sketchy people nearby or if you’re in a crowd full of strangers, expect a hand around your shoulder as he ushers you slightly closer to his side with a serious glint in his eyes, analyzing your surroundings (again, this will only happen once your relationship reaches at a later stage)

it’s only when the “danger” passes by and with his hand still on you that he realizes what he did and starts getting embarrassed again

key phrase with the Kaijō captain is: “There’s a time and place for everything.”

Hayakawa Mitsuhiro

touch-starved guy #3, but he’s not afraid to pounce on you for the hugs

ever since he miraculously got into a relationship with you (according to his teammates, anyways), slapping his own cheeks to get himself in the mood for rebounding wasn’t as appealing anymore

not when he has you to hug and accidentally squeeze the life out of you

“Oh!! A(l)e you he(l)e to chee(l) me on, (y/n)-san?!”

“M-Mitsu… I can’t… breathe—”

“O-Oh! So(l)(l)y…! I [will learn] to be mo(l)e ca(l)efu(r) next time!”

“Mitsuhiro, please don’t worry about me! Go back to your teammates… they’re waiting for you. Good luck on the game, okay?”

Hayakawa treats hugging like he does with basketball, putting 100% of his effort and enthusiasm into it… and oftentimes, his hugs can be too… explosive? they can be quite abrupt and intense

his energy alone would normally scare away everyone—hell, a lot of times, his teammates can’t tolerate it… so everyone always wonders how you never seem bothered by his tendencies

but to you, his bear hugs make you feel very, very secure and loved, since he never has qualms about hugging in public because he’s always focused on you or the courts

initially though, his hugs definitely crushed your figure into smithereens, mostly because he’s never had to keep his strength in check

and he’s never had anything close to an intimate relationship, so he’d probably need a lot of time and positive encouragement/advice for him to learn how to be more delicate (or rather, tactful) when initiating hugs

he’s SO earnest that he’d totally treat your words/encouragement as a serious lesson and would try to “practice” hugging and ask:

“Is this okay, (y/n)-san?!”

if you’re not around, he’d totally hug his teammates out of nowhere and definitely receive a few punches or kicks out of retaliation

“WHAT THE HELL?”

“I am p(l)acticing [how to] hug, Kasamatsu-senpai!”

“Don’t do that! People will get the wrong idea!!”

“Why? Don’t we a(r)ways p(l)actice togethe(l) as a team, captain?!”

“That’s completely different!!”

he has no tact, so whenever he sees you, expect a fierce hug as a greeting every time… unless you tell him that you’re not a fan of the constant hugging or want to save it for private moments, he’s gonna keep doing it

just as your hugs hype him up for anything upcoming, when you hug him a certain way, they also have a calming effect on this excitable boy too

Kasamatsu literally reveres you because you’re the only one who can keep him in check

it’s when you do your calming hugs (that gentle squeeze around his torso as you slowly nuzzle against him) that his heartbeat slightly slows down and his breath exhales out steadily to let out the pent-up steam

those types of hugs from your end would allow you to see a “less-energetic” side of him, where his voice might still be loud, but at least it’s still relatively indoor voice

still, a lot of his sentences are either incomprehensible mumbles or butchered exclaims, no in-between

“Sometimes, it’s good for your body and mind to stop and relax, y’know?”

“I-Is that so…! You a(l)e very knowled[geable] about these things! I [think] that is ve(l)y coo(r)…”

“You say that, but you’re one of the best offensive rebound players in the nation. That’s so much cooler, Mitsuhiro.”

“If I was coo(r) (r)ike you say, I wonde(l) why peop(r)e (l)un away [when I try] to ta(r)k? Mo(l)iyama-senpai says [it is because] I ‘have no cha(l)m’… I must wo(l)k ha(l)der [if that is the case]!”

“Well, I think your attitude and energy can be very refreshing. Everytime I see you, I can’t help but be motivated to work hard and accomplish like you do.”

“I am ve(l)y touched, (y/n)-san…!”

all in all, he will hug you every chance he gets (except when Kasamatsu roundhouse kicks him to curb him) and accepts all hugs from you (while being red and a little shy, but still enthusiastic)

prepare your waist/torso to be constantly crushed embraced, because that’s where his arms will always be around

[playinonaloop]

Chapter 3: Agony

Warnings through out the series: (mentions of) smut, violence, drugs, alcohol, guns, maffia stuff, ya know!

Story masterlist

You woke up with sun shining on your face again. Another night had passed, making it now day 4 in the house. You were alone and now let the tears flow freely. The pain was increasingly getting worse with the minute making it feel like you were dying. You decided now was the moment to scream, letting it all out as you were terrified to the bone. After screaming the fear out of you, you became silent and stared out of the windows. Thoughts were flooding your mind as the sun moved along. You were hungry, even more thirsty and were now a hundred percent sure the fluid that Michelle sprayed onto you was just alcohol. And you were happy for that, if it was something chemical this could’ve turned out so much worse. The duct tape on your mouth was warm, making it beginning to slip from your mouth a bit. The movement from your mouth made it fall off in the end. You took a big breath as you decided to wake the people in the house up. 

After an hour of screaming the door behind you finally opened. The person coming in was softly speaking to himself, too soft for you to understand but you knew he was irritated. 

“So, four days in and you decide to wake us with your screaming now” It was Daniel who came in. His voice was still groggy, so you knew your plan had worked. A sly smile was on your mouth as he walked around you to face you. What you didn’t expect to see was the utter horror that painted his face as he saw you.

“What the hell happened to you?” 

“Your mum and Michelle, that’s what happened”

His face hardened as he came down to your level, taking you in and looking at the dried blood on your body. You met his eyes and saw something you hadn’t seen in a while. Pure anger turning his brown eyes a shade darker than they had been. 

“We didn’t discuss this..” His voice was soft, almost caring. It made the hairs on your arms stand up straight. The goosebumps all over your body followed quick. Both of you knew that this small moment between you wasn’t supposed to happen. You turned your eyes away from his, looking down.

“I’ll be back”

Without blinking twice, he left the room. Leaving you to yourself again. The pain became a bit worse as you made yourself tired with the screaming. 

The soft bass of the club were also to be heard outside. It was a quarter past 11 when you and your friends joined the queue to get inside. Goosebumps where all over your bare arms as you were wearing a dress without sleeves. This night marked itself as the start of something new. You were now 21, living in your own apartment away from your family. Even if it was a 20 minute drive away, it was freeing. Your parents were working hard every day to make themself valuable for the Australian government. This made being and working at home tense. Getting out of that house was the best decision you’ve made in a while. Just as going out was too. After standing in the line for a while you and your friends finally got inside. The club was warm from the people dancing. Your friend was taking your coats to the locker-room while you got some drinks for everyone. While moving through the crowd you found a table to sit at as your friend spotted you with your drinks. 

“It’s busy tonight!” Your friend Max said as he took his beer from you. Everyone nodded as they took a sip from their drinks. The music was a mix of bangers from the past and remixed hits. After finishing your drink, you dragged your friends to the dance floor. Dancing had always been a hobby of yours, you never took lessons but got some moves from simply copying people in music videos. After finishing your drink you dragged your friends to the dance floor. You danced a big part of the night away, with short breaks for drinks in them. As the music got slower most of your friends got back to the table you were sitting at earlier that night. You on the other hand found a dance partner to match the music. He smelled impeccable, as his hand found their way on your hips. You smiled as you softly leaned back into his touch, joining your hand with his. Guiding it a bit lower, while his other hand found his way to your other hip. You looked down at it, noticing the small rose on the hand that you covered. Rubbing the rose softly as you relaxed. He smelled like he'd just left the sea, but also like he'd just stepped out of a candy shop. It was almost intoxicating.  You looked quickly to the side your friends where to be seated but didn't see them. A frown came over your face, but it quickly washed away as the man behind you took the opportunity to kiss your ear, trailing down with kisses on your neck. You closed your eyes as you felt your knees weaken. Neck kisses, accompanied with the alcohol in your system made you horny. 

"Does that feel good, babe?" 

His voice was deep, close to your ear. You replied with a soft hum, fluttering your eyes open en closed again. A hand made his way back to your bum, softly grabbing it and squeezing. He continued kissing your neck, making you softly moan. Pillow talk from Zayn Malik filled the room with a low vibration as it was slowed down a bit. You didn't feel the need to look back around just yet. Simply taking in his cologne, feeling his hands on your body and his body behind yours was enough. He followed the movements your body made with ease, getting closer to you with every move. All of it ended too quick for you to notice. His hands slipped from your body.

"I've got to go, thanks for this, love" 

Before you could turn around to thank him, he already disappeared in the crowd. It made you stand on your tiptoes to search in the crowd. The only thing that you saw was the back of his head. A head with curls, slowly bouncing up and down. He was dressed in a white blouse and dressing pants. After that you never saw him again.

--

“Family meeting in five, the big dining hall.” It was safe to say Daniel was furious. As he went door to door in the hall to wake everyone, his anger was getting the best of him. He knocked the hardest on his mum’s door, hearing her jolt awake as he tried to speak with a composed voice. This wasn’t part of the plan that was made upon your arrival, and he was capable of breaking the whole house to find out what made them turn this way. 

He sat down at the head of the table, a coffee to hold while his nerves played up. Daniel knew that it wasn’t his place to sit here as it was his dad’s. Stretching his right hand whilst waiting. Michelle was the first person to enter, parts of her hair standing up straight. She was hugging her arms as she left the door open, for those who came in later. The left side of her face was a little puffed, her arm showed little red lines of where she probably hugged her pillow. 

“Why did you call-”

“Just wait until everyone is here”

Daniel cut her short, not wanting to explode right then and there. She gave him a weird look as she sat down, made herself comfortable by pulling a leg upon the chair. They waited in silence. Michelle let her eyes wander over the high ceiling, it was painted in a deep shade of red. The contrast to the pine-colored drapes that hung from the ceiling was big but complimentary. Grace and Joe finally joined them. His dad gave him a strange look as Daniel was sitting in his place but joined his wife.

“So, you want to tell us why you were screaming at our door?” 

His mother looked at him with caring eyes, probably wondering why her son was so upset.

“Care to tell me why y/n has wounds all over her body?”

Daniels ‘s tone was harsh. Michelle widened her eyes, throwing a quick look at her mom as her cheeks turned a little red. Joe turned to his wife, raising his eyebrows. 

“We needed the information, as we discussed” 

Grace replied without a change in tone or face. He felt himself get even angrier.

“We didn’t discuss you cutting her open and leaving her to bleed out?!” 

His fists hit the table as he rose up. Daniel’s eyes turned almost to black.  Michelle winced from his reaction. Joe just sat there, looking back and forth between his wife and Daniel.

“We took the necessary steps to get her to talk. And failed to do so”

Grace now got up too, walking towards Daniel as he started screaming.

“We?! You did that! Michelle and you. I am disgusted!” 

The mug he had been holding earlier now flew through the room, clattering onto the wall. Coffee splattering onto everything. It broke, making Michelle dive into her chair to shield herself. 

“We weren’t doing anything wrong Daniel! We need the information she has to ruin her dad’s career!”

Grace was now raising her voice too. 

“Not. Doing. Anything. Wrong?!” 

With every stop in between the words Daniel stomped closer. He was now face to face with his mother. His mother, who didn’t seem to understand that cutting someone open was wrong in so many ways. Daniel looked her straight in her brown eyes, biting his tongue as he was about to say something that he would regret later. 

“Did you consider the y/ln’s might strike back, Grace?”

Joe interfered and placed himself in between his wife and son. She turned her head to look at him, taking a step back in the process. 

“They won’t dare”

Her voice was now soft, almost as if she was scared to answer. The tension in the air changed, where Daniel brought pure anger Grace now radiated fear. Daniel scoffed at her answer. 

“Why wouldn’t they dare mum?”

“Because she won’t leave this place alive”

This answer shocked everyone. Daniel almost pushed away his dad if he wasn't just a bit stronger than him. Hands gripped his upper arms, to hold him in his place. 

“We can’t do that Grace, that will kill us all”

Joe spoke as he held back Daniel. 

“Let me get past, I need some air”

Click here for chapter four!

[peroxideprinces]

Every mcr album

HEEHEEHOOHOO

bullets

my favorite lyric: "and should I be shocked now // by the last thing you said? // before I pull this trigger // your eyes vacant and stained // and it's saying you loved me // made things harder at best" from early sunsets,, wrecks me every time

my favorite song: drowning lessons or cubicles atm !

the song that makes me cry: weirdly its,, um,,, romance

the song that’s a fucking bop: HEADFIRST FOR HALOS <3

the song i most dislike/least love: hmmmm i gotta say maybe our lady of sorrows ?? its growin on me though

three cheers

my favorite lyric: "touched by angels, though i fall out of grace // i did it all so maybe i'd live this every day" from i never told you what i do for a living !

my favorite song: either its not a fashion statement orrrrr thanks for the venom or maybe even the jetset life

the song that makes me cry: the ghost of you

the song that’s a fucking bop: YOU KNOW WHAT THEY DO TO GUYS LIKE US IN PRISON !!!!

the song i most dislike/least love: ig maybe helena ?? STILL A FUCKIGN BANGER THOUGH

tbp

my favorite lyric: "juliet loves the beat and the lust it commands // drop the dagger and lather the blood on your hands romeo" from the sharpest lives :]

my favorite song: famous last words or mama

the song that makes me cry: famous last words . also cancer . also disenchanted

the song that’s a fucking bop: teenagers <3

the song i most dislike/least love: sleep ?? idk

danger days

my favorite lyric: "with duct-tape scars on my honey" is such a fun line from destroya !!

my favorite song: summertime or destroya or party poison !!!

the song that makes me cry: what if i said traffic report . what then .

the song that’s a fucking bop: planetary (go) n bulletproof heart n save yourself ill hold them back n s/c/a/r/e/c/r/o/w/s n na na na n the kids from yesterday

the song i most dislike/least love: sing

[thesinglesjukebox]

HANNAH DIAMOND - "AFFIRMATIONS"

Frank Falisi brings us PC Music's shutdown...

[6.35]

Frank Falisi: There's plenty of irony in pop music, an inherently ironic enterprise. What other word could you use to describe the process of transacting the mutability of feeling into occupational singularity? Perfect pop doesn't set us free, it locks us up: think of nothing else for three minutes. That locking (moving, swerving, heeling) doesn't have to be carceral, but it often is. The domination of image as product means that TikTok becomes pharmakon, manufacturing the lonely need to be occupied and the momentary balm. What does a free pop music look like, then? Imperfect, gum in ear, melted plastic. How do we approach the imperfect? Irony can crack the door open, show a sheen and weaponize it, turn pop into a puncture. First, Hannah Diamond was this gesture, a nonexisting weapon of the pop theory factory. Unstable, she became the extended mix, a concrete angel made to detonate: soon I won't see you at all. A full length, more reflections. Are all of these sounds ironic? Only if self-doubting distance is irony, or if the absent song we call "missing you" is irony. In the kernel of a throbbed and upward-facing synth, Hannah Diamond finds the greatest love of all: "Affirmations." It re-stages the space between irony and earnestness by making love the vehicle for pop instead of the other way around. Neither distanced by detachment or enfranchisement, as open to the virality of a plastic world as it is inoculated from the bottom line, it's the sound of all the lessons of theory and their summary dismissal. Think of everything else for three minutes, one song at a time. Here you are in the song. [9]

Will Adams: A self-help pep-talk set to a synthpop arrangement so shiny and gargantuan that it's bound to pump you up way more than the words themselves. Sort of like if you mashed up MUNA's "Number One Fan" and "Home By Now." (Not a bad concept.) [7]

Alfred Soto: David Gamson co-produced and co-wrote "Affirmations," and I can hear traces of the slippery electro-funk he contributed to Scritti Politti's Cupid & Psyche '85 long ago and far away. This inspirational track is too explicit for a would-be dancefloor banger -- Hannah Diamond wants you to pay attention to her lyrics -- but I am not wont to hold my nose at friends finding solidarity where and when they can. [7]

Crystal Leww: Love her DJ sets! [5]

Leah Isobel: Hannah Diamond's sincerity was always on the surface of her music. Her early singles' lyrics were constructed as straightforward sentences, forcing the melodies to meander in order to fit in all of the syllables. That wordiness could scan as parodic when paired with a melody (and, it must be said, a vocal performance) as grating as that of "Attachment," but the stack of qualifiers and half-confessions on "Every Night" proved to me that she wasn't playing a game. Vulnerability is usually imperfect, and asserting your own desire is usually messy. The point wasn't that the words were articulated and sung perfectly, but that they were sung at all; singing them was an act that reaffirmed her own existence as a whole self with feelings, ideas, and goals. It's a short skip and a jump from that thematic framework to the somewhat overdetermined practice of hyping yourself up in the mirror. But if "Affirmations" feels a little simplistic and pandering at first, Hannah's sincerity still wins me over by the end. It doesn't hurt that David Gamson is a better musical partner for her than A.G. Cook was, since Gamson's productions actually have a bit of physicality and body to counteract their shiny gleam. I love the way the chorus synths do little cartwheels, and I love the driving bass beneath her. Most of all, I love how Hannah's voice sits slightly below the production, warm and open. She invites us into the world that she's built, but she doesn't force. The self doesn't manifest by raw strength; it manifests with patience, care, and attention. And when that happens, it's worth celebrating. [7]

Oliver Maier: Has society progressed past the need for Hannah Diamond? She tries to emphasise that it's the other way around on "Affirmations", and good for her, but I'm not getting much out of it. Like most of her PC Music peers she's left behind the caustic feel of her mid-'10s work for something a bit more sedate, if still faintly tongue-in-cheek. She's interested in the same themes, but she hasn't addressed the problem that's followed her for a decade: the songs aren't always there. "Affirmations" sounds like "Hang With Me" stripped of either big melodies or emotional highs and lows, and that's hard for me to get on board with. [4]

Aaron Bergstrom: As someone who still believes in the revolutionary potential of guitar rock in the year 2023, I certainly can't begrudge Hannah Diamond for summoning the old PC Music spirits one more time to see if any of the ancient incantations still resonate. There's some nostalgic sparkle in the "affirmations/creations" chorus opener the first time around, but I don't think a song has ever lost me as fast as this one did by following up the believable underdog innocence of "I am building my own world" with the grindset soullessness of "I'm a business woman and my own C ... E ... O." [3]

Alex Clifton: I feel like I'm supposed to leap up in rapturous applause, thrilled that someone at this seminar has reminded me that I'm worth something for the low, low price of $500. [4]

Katherine St Asaph: I've got new rules, I count 'em. I gotta girlboss to myself. [4]

Jacob Sujin Kuppermann: It is extremely difficult to parse these lyrics such that you actually get five affirmations, which I kind of love -- the nature of self-confidence and self-help is always expansive and nebulous, a long and muddled engagement in the mires of doubt. "Affirmations" is joyous enough in its straight-ahead synth-pop arrangement that it almost seems too easy. But there's a certain wan tone to Hannah Diamond's vocal here, the subtlest hint of melancholy embedded between the big hooks and major chords, that leaves "Affirmations" just bitter enough for me to enjoy it. [6]

Brad Shoup: It's a synthpop memory in 4K. There are too many kinda-correct details, all of them too sharp: like a Scritti Politti song finished with machine learning, or a Rachid Lotf poster. I like songs that are shameless about entertaining and songs that are sneaky about being sad, and we've got a little of both here. The repetition of "keep repeating" is hackwork elevated by vocal fuckery that renders each new phrase in a different typeface. There's a bit about recharging ("When I'm all alone late at night/I recalibrate my eyes") that literally sounds like it's coming from a robot pretending to be human. If she'd sung the lines about being a businesswoman and CEO I might have given this a [10] and/or linked "Our Wedding". [8]

Nortey Dowuona: Hannah and David Gamson constantly keep stopping and starting the song. Throughout each chorus, they take the '80s pop drum loop and chop it underfoot, leaving certain synth loops hanging, unspooling like spilt intestines out of the belly. They're purposely ugly moments, like the song is supposed to deny the audience their expectation that it will finish the progression the synth keys promise. The effect gets less jarring and more novel as it keeps going, especially since the song does actually end with a wriggling synth arpeggio and a limp note played until the fader is brought down. [8]

Wayne Weizhen Zhang: Frustratingly, this never breaks through into the more vulnerable and exposed place that the chorus promises. On the other hand, Passion Pit's Gossamer is one of my favorite albums, so the floor is high. [6]

Micha Cavaseno: I've been recently going through my bookmarks that I've repeatedly transferred between browsers since... I dunno, since I was in my teens? I've made a point to check in on those links and see what died and what lives on, what's worth keeping, what's worth frantically seeking via web archives and such. Much like the cockroach, the PC Music thinkpieces and features remain and clutter; it's very funny watching the game be so redundant barely a few years later, like pop's own personal GTA V. Hannah Diamond doesn't sound like she's doing her "is it ironic or is it sincere" pop pastiche anymore, with that extremely post-Goldsmiths jag to it, but instead like the competent parodies of pop you see in comedy skits. Which isn't even to say it's a joke, but the best parts of PC Music were the extra-egging nudges that made you question the sincerity even when it was overflowing. It's why I still mull over SOPHIE's debut, eternally uncertain whether so much of that record was a put-on or a come-out. Here, Hannah's best chances are that she's just giving a little paean or a half-hearted sarcastic tease. Oh well, I preferred GFOTY anyway. [3]

David Moore: I was always skeptical about PC Music. The question of sincerity nagged at me, but in a minor way, like a mosquito bite flares up again the next day -- still with this? -- and I mostly ignored it. When the occasional annoying novelty song came along and riled everyone up, I was capable of enjoying it. But it never really occurred to me to just accept it straight, as pop music indistinguishable from any of the other stuff, until I heard "Affirmations." In part that's because so much time has passed that the sincerity questions all dissipated -- everything seems basically sincere now, but in an oppressive way, almost as if it's somehow worse that the PC Music project turned out to be fundamentally uncynical. But maybe I've changed, too. I played this one for my kids and they loved it, as much as they love Taylor Swift and NewJeans and "Meherbaan" by Reet Talwar and this weird Polish Kidz Bop type song. They don't differentiate between any of it; they accept everything I throw at them in the way I'd bet kids always have. But I differentiate less, too. A lot of battles that used to seem important seem so small compared to the great atomized infinity of music that just keeps on churning itself out into the void. Why shouldn't I listen to "Affirmations" completely straight? You keep repeating, and it turns out you really can be whatever you want to be. [8]

Ian Mathers: As someone who frequently loves pop music and is suspicious of affirmations but also has the sneaking feeling that they'd do me some good, this is perfect for me! Remember, we only say things like "I will NEVER give up" when things are going super well! [9]

Taylor Alatorre: (OOC: I cannot shake the feeling that I don't belong here.) When I applied to the Jukebox in 2016, I was in my senior year of college, and I couldn't wait to get out. Not because I had something great to look forward to, but because I felt I had nothing to look back upon. I'd gone from having a stable group of friends in high school to going entire weeks without speaking outside of classes, not even to my perfectly nice roommate, whom I avoided whenever possible. I would walk around campus silently hating everyone in view, because I assumed they hated me, the mere sight and presence of me. I still thought of autism as some foreign, abstract thing that affected certain "other people," rather than a governing condition of my own life that bled into every interaction, every averted glance, every fenced-off path and never-to-be-opened email. In the midst of this barrenness, I had music, which I listened to religiously and on a disciplined timetable: 600 albums apiece in 2014 and 2015, 615 in 2016. Kacey Musgraves Bully Tyga Desaparecidos. I clicked on every Stereogum link and made lists of new iTunes singles. I nodded along to turn-up anthems without ever going to a party, and breakup anthems without ever bringing someone home. What was I trying to find in all of this? A substitute for connection, a distraction from despair, a safe place in which to feel feelings and act out scenarios, or the pages from that lost instruction manual on how to basically resemble a human being? Like many of my favorite songs from those years, "Affirmations" can be all of those things. A wind tunnel blast of a chorus that's large enough to see myself moving around in; a steady synthesized undercurrent that floods the gaps in my identity and carries me along without pushing; little shiny baubles of sound like items in a school gift shop; girlhood inhabitable from a distance. Hannah Diamond aligns her voice with monotone precision to the notes on a staff, suggesting a diligent observance of the song's titular practice -- then proceeds to blow up such niceties by flinging herself in seven or eight different directions, mindfulness be damned. Such is the joyous paradox of a song whose outwardly polished and public-facing elements are placed in service of these embarrassingly, thrillingly private rituals -- "all my secrets / I can't tell." Even the self-mocking literalness of the CEO talk does its part by validating the collegiate cynic in me who's allergic to the "validation" game, affirming the part of me who still "knows" that I have nothing positive to affirm. The song generously makes room for such doubts even as it nominally moves to vanquish them, an ecumenical approach that many self-help tunes could stand to learn from. So even if I never fully lose the sense that I'm unqualified to write about pop music due to lacking the proper life experiences or neurotype, that's okay. I'll still keep repeating, ke-keep repeating that garbage anyway. [10]

[Read, comment and vote on The Singles Jukebox ]

[starf]

StarF’s Top Ten Albums of 2020

Another year, another list. Let’s not even bother with the preamble this time around, you get what it is.

10. I DON'T KNOW HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME - RAZZMATAZZ

Let me tell you right now, I struggled with this tenth spot. There were about four albums that were pretty much tied once I narrowed it down this far because it was a jam-packed year. Ultimately though I had to give it to iDKHOW for their smooth brand of piano rock-pop. This is their debut album and it brought the heat. While it didn't dazzle me immediately, with every subsequent listen I feel a little more of that promised razzmatazz from the title. I also absolutely love the ballad "Nobody Likes The Opening Band," which will certainly be a fun song to hear them perform some day whether they're the opener or not.

9. The Front Bottoms - In Sickness & In Flames

The last offering from The Front Bottoms, Going Gray, left me feeling a little lukewarm. In Sickness & In Flames, however, is a much stronger return to form for the band in my opinion. Some people say all of The Front Bottoms' albums sound the same, and maybe that's a little bit true. But maybe 2020 is the year that we needed to hear some new Front Bottoms material. It was a strange time for all of us, and in these times this kind of album just hits different. From the optimistic opening of "everyone blooms" to the infectious singalong moments of "Fairbanks, Alaska," this album is a good time all around.

8. The Used - Heartwork

Did you know The Used is still around? Not only still around, but apaprently they never went away! When I saw that they had released a new album early in the year I assumed it was a comeback, but I was wrong! For me there was a 12 year gap since I had personally listened to a new Used album, and this one blew me away in a big way. They're still going big, going hard, and rocking their signature sound - but updated for the modern age. This is a band that has managed to hold on to their roots while successfully adapting and progressing into the future.

7. Oliver Tree - Ugly Is Beautiful

Where do you even start with an artist like Oliver Tree? An absolute master of internet marketing, the release of this album was a tortured and dragged out experience, like a person chasing a 20 dollar bill on a string and having it constantly pulled away over and over again. By the time it came out it was a little disheartening that an entire half of the album had already been released via single, but overall it is undeniably a powerhouse of a pop album and a strong showing from Oliver Tree. A strange character, but an impossibly catchy album with earworm after earworm.

6. The World/Inferno Friendship Society - All Borders Are Porous To Cats

I pretty much always enjoy any offering from this band, but to varying degrees. Their last few albums have certainly been good to my ears, but for whatever reason just didn't resonate enough with me to earn a spot in my top ten. This album is clearly different though, and keeps me enthralled the entire way. With their unique brand of punk-jazz-cabaret, All Borders Are Porous To Cats tells the story of one Mr. Cat In The Hat, and it's a wild ride that you're going to want to hear.

5. Run The Jewels - RTJ4

One of the most biting and necessary releases of the year, RTJ4 dropped right when we needed to hear it most, and for free no less. It's my personal opinion that Run The Jewels continue to get better with every release they put out, and their fourth showing is easily my favorite so far. El-P and Killer Mike come through with some of their sharpest bars and heaviest beats yet. It's just a shame that for how much history repeats we as society still haven't learned some of the lessons that an album like this continues to attempt to teach us.

4. Aesop Rock - Spirit World Field Guide

Spirit World Field Guide is not a typical Aesop Rock album, but then again what is? Back in 2016 I fell in love with the album The Impossible Kid, an accessible (by Aes standards) album that hooked me in immediately. Spirit World is a different beast that took me off guard the first time I heard it, and left me a little bit lost - but that almost seems to be the intent. An absolute monster of an album coming in at 21 tracks and over an hour, this thing wasn't necessarily meant to be ingested all at once, or even in the order presented. The more I revisit it the more I put the pieces together and enjoy it more and more.

3. Poppy - I Disagree

Let's take a journey all the way back to January before the world entirely fell apart. I discovered Poppy for the first time through this album and was quickly intrigued. Going back through her older music, and then her YouTube, and slowly unraveling the mystery that is Poppy was perhaps some of the most fun I've had experiencing an artist's work in years - all topped off with seeing her perform live that month, the last large live music show I've been to. I Disagree is an eclectic blend of pop, metal, and strange curiosity. It starts off right away with the oddball banger Concrete and promises to weed out those who aren't prepared to take the mental trip through this album right away. It's not for everyone, but it's definitely for me.

2. Jeff Rosenstock - N O  D R E A M

Well here we are! The number one spot! You guessed it, it's Jeff Rose- what? This isn't number one? Well that can't be right, hold on. Nope, I guess that's correct. The new Jeff Rosenstock album, N O  D R E A M comes in at number two this year, a fact that will probably shock and confuse anyone who knows me. This is the proof that Jeff doesn't automatically get my number one spot if he releases an album, but with all of that out of the way, let's talk about the album.

In a Post-Post- world we see Jeff returning to a more traditional take on putting together an album, rather than simply rushing through it to get the feelings out of his head (both perfectly valid approaches). N O  D R E A M continues to explore themes of being lost and confused in such a soul-crushing and increasingly overwhelming world - all while attempting to find the silver linings and be optimistic about where we're headed. Whether it's the world at large or a personal journey, this album is an anthem to a year that saw most people holding their head in their hands and saying "please, just, let's all get through this, okay?"

1. Will Wood - The Normal Album

Wow. Just wow. Okay, where to begin? I was listening to a random Spotify radio when it started playing a song by Will Wood & The Tapeworms called "Hand Me My Shovel, I'm Going In!" Intrigued by the style of the song, as well as the title, I clicked through and listened to their most recent album which was 2016's "Self-Ish." I thought it was really good! I enjoyed it a lot and continued to listen to it for about a week. At that point when I started digging further into the band I learned that there was actually an even newer album entitled The Normal Album, categorized on Spotify under just Will Wood, which is why I hadn't previously found it.

I enjoyed Self-Ish, but hearing The Normal Album took it to an entirely new album and blew me away in a way that I haven't experienced in years. This wasn't just a great album, this was one of those musical discoveries where you think "oh wow, this is something I can't live without going forward." Will Wood is exactly what I needed in the back half of 2020 to keep my sanity, and even now I still listen to this album usually at least once a day. It's perfectly crafted in every sense of the world. Not a single second is wasted or out of place. The technical skill is in full display without muddling the pure enjoyment of the melodies or taking away from the overall vibe of the songs. The writing is some of the sharpest and dense I've ever seen, without being undecipherable or inaccessible. This is an album that truly does it all.

The feeling I have when I listen to this album and attempt to get people to listen to it is identical to how I felt about Jeff Rosenstock in the late 2000's, back before he had sort of blown up. Will Wood certainly has a following, but his music is definitely niche at the moment and somewhat obscure. Much in the same way that eventually people listened to me about Jeff, I hope they will find out about Will. Everyone should hear this album. It's breath-takingly perfect.

[mooosicaldreamz]

We obviously need your song by song analysis of evermore please!

i got asked to do this about four times so here it is.....much anticipated. i know. please note that when i say that i hate her or despise her i don’t actually mean that. but i do

EVERMORE

OK LETS GO

WILLOW - ok, groovy first time you hear it, right? has a strong rumbly wiggle. let’s VIBE. the low of the verse, the high of the chorus…oh my goodness! what is she doing. she’s just out there! wow. “wherever you stray i follow” is a banger. “life was a willow and it bent right to your wind” with the overlay oof let’s go.!!!! a shockingly strong first entry of the record…best one since “welcome to new york” maybe!!! let’s just say it!!! for some reason “i come back stronger than a 90s trend” throws me off though…i don’t know. it’s just so moody pop, no one is doing it like her!!! i hate her

CHAMPAGNE PROBLEMS - every time i listen to this song i listen to it four times. not a joke. it’s perfect. i don’t think i need to convince anyone! it’s perfect!!!!! what are you doing? taylor swift, the most dramatic bitch, has been writing dramatic bitch songs since she was fourteen and yet, somehow, she contrives to write even more dramatic things as she ages. this song is a JOKE. there are not ENOUGH songs about denying proposals! it’s just simple and sad. oh my god. it’s insane. the fact that she wrote this with her boyfriend (i have a running theory that they are married, we are going to refer to joe as her Perfect and Glorious Husband from now on) …… come on. the ENTIRE BREAKDOWN. “YOUR MIDAS TOUCH ON THE CHEVY DOOR / NOVEMBER FLUSH YOUR FLANNEL CURE / THIS DORM WAS ONCE A MADHOUSE / I MADE A JOKE WELL ITS MADE FOR ME / HOW EVERGREEN OUR GROUP OF FRIENDS / DON’T THINK WE’LL SAY THAT WORD AGAIN / AND SOON THEY’LL HAVE THE NERVE TO DECK THE HALLS THAT WE ONCE WALKED THROUGH” ……. concluding with that absolute stabby killer “what a shame she’s fucked in the head” oh my god……….. and the song resolving in a very adult “you’ll find someone else” god

GOLD RUSH - ok so like this song is like ok it’s got the same groovy high /low that’s happening on willow but it’s so different! it’s so good! the pulse of the beat propelling the whole thing through and then the falling apart “oh what must it be like to grow up that beautiful”……………..ok. the visceral image of “my eagles t-shirt hanging from the door” …………. i admire very much taylor’s oncoming gift of moving through high/low imagery…… i love her so much? it’s so HARD. “my mind turns your life into folklore” beautiful! BEAUTIFUL! also i have some belief in me that this is about karlie kloss but i shall not dive into that hole.

TIS THE DAMN SEASON - oh so i’m supposed to LIVE with this song EXISTING. WHY!!!! HOW……..oh my god………..taylor was like, yes, i’m going to write a song about a famous girl going home and banging her high school flame for a week and jack and aaron were like oh ok. “i parked my car between the methodist and the school that used to be ours.” she is such a joke. “you could call me babe for the weekend” like ok emo!! emo!!! OK. I LOVE THIS SONG

TOLERATE IT - taylor really gave us the most depressing track 5, but it’s absolutely a banger and i love her! she is just vibing! oh my god. what a specific emotion to pinpoint with this song….it’s such a gift. no one is hitting this space

NO BODY NO CRIME - this song has no business being on this record but in the BEST WAY, like how daddy lessons mysteriously appears in the middle of lemonade. oh my goodness. this is just pure country revenge song. taylor was like oh actually i haven’t forgotten my roots and i hate men more than i ever have. and she got haim to sing with her. and it’s so good. the low “i think he did it” oh my goodness. this song is a joke. how is it real? it’s just a perfect radio song. it reminds me very much of “before he cheats” but it’s a lot more sonically calm

HAPPINESS - similar to “tolerate it” and i think “champagne problems” this song is beating on an emotional bush that is really really hard to hit the head of. like, so she collabed with the national and bon iver on this record and previous obvi, and i LOVE them, but their music can often be very………impressionistic? perhaps? is how i might put it. it’s sometimes hard to get a note of specificity from it. imo. but taylor loves a fucking story bro. and she has figured out how to tell made up stories. she can’t be stopped now. like…this space of a breakup and knowing that it’s for the best and being sad in this way? name a pop star who has a song this nuanced. for real! god. i despise her. “across a great divide / there is a glorious sunrise”

DOROTHEA - the other half to the far superior TIS THE DAMN SEASON and a banger all the same. it has the bouncy joy of the most buoyant national songs. in the same vein as the also far superior BETTY, she has her sweet dumb boy slurry and less intelligent voice. i love that she paints these narrators this way, it’s just nothing she would have ever reached for ever before this period. she has a Perfect and Glorious Husband now and she has begun to understand teenage boys, FINALLY.

CONEY ISLAND - i have upon many occasions opined that i love the national VERY MUCH. i once went to a festival with my gf and her sister to see them even though i was expressly not invited and you know what despite the fact that it caused a lot of angst, i got to see the national play TERRIBLE LOVE in the middle of the night and I SCREAMED IT. so like, listen. what is matt berninger doing here, to me, specifically????????? i was somewhat hesitant about how their voices might blend, but it works astonishingly well. and i think that it’s so wonderful, i can’t. the imagery of a dreary coney island…..”sorry for not winning you an arcade ring.” as taylor always proves, the bridge is spectacular. “were you standing in the hallway / with a big cake / happy birthday”……”and when i got into the accident / the sight that flashed before me was your face / but when i walked up to the podium / i think that i forgot to say your name” sorry to yOU calvin. she had ISSUES. and now she has a Perfect and Glorious Husband. also “sorry for not making you my centerfold” ok kaylor

IVY - this song is about emily dickinson and i DARE you to tell me that i’m wrong. I DARE YOU. I DARE YOU. you’d be wrong! embarrassing for you. taylor finally writing a probably legitimate queer song and it’s about fucking emily dickinson is so on brand…..it’s dripping with poetry and groove and she’s so fucking dumb i hate her so much. her narrative of ivy and poetry and the lakes district…….ok taylor. i know. i know you watched all the dickinson things that came out and you identified with her. the gentle sway of the “oh, goddamn” and the “oh, i can’t”……i CAN’T EITHER TAYLOR !!! i CAN”T TAYLOR!!!! “oh goddamn / my pain fits in the palm of your freezing hand / taking mine but it’s been promised to another / oh i can’t / stop you putting roots in my dreamland” TAYLOR. and then she says, “oh you didn’t realize this wasn’t gay?” “i want to know the fatal flaw that makes you long to be magnificently cursed” like @ emily yourself taylor “he wants what’s only yours”……TAYLOR. give me the entire catalogue of emily dickinson songs!!!!! i can’t do this. “springs breaks loose / but so does fear” “i’d live and die for moments that we stole / on begged and borrowed time / so tell me to run / or dare to sit and watch what we’ll become / and drink my husband’s wine.” taylor if you see this post, a, i love you, b, i need you to tell me about ivy, and c, PLEASE can i have tickets to your next tour in the year 2025 or whenever because my gf never buys me any to your shows……….i love this song if it isn’t clear. i think i’d love it if it wasn’t gay

COWBOY LIKE ME - ok this will sound weird and if you’ve read this far i’m going to assume that you don’t care about me being weird…but this song reminds me of the fanfiction STAY THE NIGHT by lynnearlington (maybe u’ve heard of it). please reply if you think about this and feel the same. “never wanted love / just a fancy car” “you had some tricks up your sleeve / takes one to know one / you’re a cowboy like me” the opening line re: the tent-like thing reminds me very strongly of the fourth of july at our family’s country club and they set up a tent over the parking lot and this song just makes me think of that vibe????? i don’t know. i have vibes. i love this song a lot, which is impressive because it follows after the gay euphoria of IVY. perhaps this is because it gives me its own gay euphoria. “now you hang from my lips like the garden babylon” ???? is one of the most gay, seductive, brutal lyrics i have ever heard. she wrote that down and was like, oh yeah, vibez, hundo p. she did that to me

LONG STORY SHORT - this song is an honorary sequel to I FORGOT THAT YOU EXISTED from the lover era (honestly i’m still in the lover era). but i actually think this song is better! so we are taking that. “actually i’ve always thought that i looked better from the rearview” ok taylor let’s access that feeling! “no more keeping score / i just keep you warm” is like, stupidly sweet.  rip to calvin but now taylor has a Perfect and Glorious Husband.

MARJORIE - made me cry, simple and beautiful. one of the more personal songs on the tracklist! and something that i had never considered that she would write about, but i think the quarantine period has allowed a lot of us to dig into our feelings, so….vibez. we’re vibing!

CLOSURE - this song’s production sounds a lot like bon iver’s recent productions, very tech-y and repetitive and spare. rip to karlie kloss but taylor has a Perfect and Glorious Husband and karlie’s legal last name is kushner so who really won? hmm? i love “i’m fine with my spite / and my tears / and my beers / and my candles” the inclusion of candles is just. vibez. there are four candles lit rn in our apartment!

EVERMORE - i think this song is very intriguing and i’m still puzzling with it! the simplicity of her depressive gray November phase and then the very ebullient and bold bon iver interlude……..really has a manic/depressive, sad/angry vibe???? it feels so on brand for this pandemic quarantine…..and it works shockingly well, except for that i’d rather listen to the bon iver part for 10 minutes more. “all my waves are being tossed / is there a line that i can just go cross” and then taylor’s sort of call and response with his interlude……should just be the whole song.  but it’s still good. that’s how annoying she is

[district2001]

First Official Meeting

Seventeen AU: 14th member

Jangmi x Seventeen 

Recap: Jangmi’s first time meeting Seventeen as a member 

Words: 1.3k

Requests are OPEN: Please please please send me what you want to see from Jangmi. I’m also open to feedback :)

To say Jangmi was terrified was a big understatement. Every second she was getting closer to walking into the dance studio to meet Seventeen. Sure she had met them before, but this would be different. She would be joining their group, AS THE ONLY GIRL.

Maybe Seungcheol could sense her nervousness, as he grabbed her hand and gave it a quick squeeze. As soon as she looked up towards him, he quickly let go, coughed, and awkwardly started walking ahead of her.

Jangmi chuckled. Clearly he was trying figure out the dynamic that they were going for. She’d give him time. This whole mess would take a while for them to get used to.

She’d also have to figure out her dynamic with he rest of them aswell. Surely she could act the same as she had all this time, probably talk to the other members more. She couldn’t just hang out with the younger ones, Josh and Jun. 

The younger members of Seventeen had all joined the same year she had, meaning that they got to experience their first Christmas showcase together, as well as get used to how everything run at Pledis. Even though she had joined the latest out of the 3, they had all become really good friends. 

Josh and Jun were her Korean class buddies, and they often spent heaps of time going over new, funky words together. Sometimes even figuring out ways to cheat in the test. Jangmi remembered back to their test on flowers and insects, which she had deemed as useless. Clearly not anymore.

There was also the new Chinese member, who she had met, during her visit last winter. Jun had told her about how he embarrassed himself infront of Minghao and spat all over the boys face. She had sat next to him a few times in lessons, but he seemed pretty shy and didn’t carry the conversation further. She’d have to try and make him talk to her , if they were going to be stuck together in a group.

Soon they were standing outside the dance studio, and before Jangmi processed what was happening, Seungcheol had already open the door and pushed her in. A true gentleman. If she had known him more, she would’ve called him an asshole, but unfortunately not today.

When she regained her balance, she was met with the stares of 12 slightly sweaty boys. Instinctively, she moved closer to Seungcheol, hiding behind him. She had no idea why, she was friends with him.

Seungcheol clapped his hands together, then pushed Jangmi out next to him. “You know how the CEO wanted us to add a female member. Well, this is Jangmi. Kind of pointless me introducing her, since all of you know her.”

“Anneyonghaseyo. I’m Jangmi.” She bowed, not wanting to seem rude, despite knowing all the boys. “I’m from Australia and I’m mainly a rapper, wait no… sorry I’m now a dancer.”

She awkwardly laughed, quickly glanced at all the members, looking for signs of annoyance in their eyes. Thankfully, there was none- only an eyeroll from Seungkwan.

“Wait, you’re not going as Jisoo or Rydel?” Chan asked, genuinely curious to why she had changed her name.

“No. Since it’s Shua’s Korean name it would be weird to call her that. The company thought of Jangmi.” Seungcheol jumped in, before she could answer.

“I liked Rydel though” Vernon chimed in. “It has like 80’ vibes.”

“Well, you’re the only one who can pronounce it properly” Mingyu added with a hint of sass.

She noticed The8 whispering to Jun. She hoped he wasn’t saying anything rude about her. Probably asking what the heck a girl was doing in their boygroup. Jun must have noticed she was looking their way. “He just asked me what Jangmi meant. Rose yea?”

Jangmi nodded. The chatter in the group had stopped, and she knew that she would start rambling soon if someone didn’t approach her or start talking

Luckily Seungkwan must have noticed that no one was going to initiate the conversation and pulled her closer to him. “See I told you that you would debut. I told you we’d make it together.”

‘You told me that thinking I’d go to another company after I didn’t make the lineup for the girlgroup. You told me I was JYP material.”

“Same thing”

Hansol jumped in, by ruffing her hair. “2012 trainees stick together.”

“I genuinely cannot believe I’m going to debut.” Jangmi quietly squealed. It was slowly hitting her that she would be achieving her dream. She had kept her composure in the meeting, but she could only hold it in for so long.

“Well believe it!” Mingyu yelled from near the speakers. She had even realised the group had slowly dissipated from their circle.

“I’ve been believing it for like 3 years, and it’s finally happening.” Seungcheol added. Jangmi hadn’t even realised but he had shifted from beside her to the other members in the middle of the room.

“Don’t jinx it. We might have to wait another year again.” Woozi sneered, causing Jun to start laughing.

It was company knowledge that Seventeen had been on the verge of debuting for years. They record a song, some shit happens, they loose a member. They prepare again, the universe fucks them over again, they loose a member. And the cycle continues. Coming back every Winter meant that Jangmi was always seeing new faces, as well as missing some old ones.

She cleared her throat. “Have you guys decided on your debut song? The CEO said it’s not going to be Shining Diamond?”

“Nah. Apparently it’s not good enough for us to debut with.” Woozi defeatedly replied. Jangmi realised at that moment, that it probably wasn’t a great idea bringing up their shortcomings.

“It’s ok though, since Woozi hyungs’ written an absolute banger.” Seungkwan cheered, trying to lift up the sudden somber mood.

“We need you to quickly record your lines, so then we can start working on the choreo.” Dino chimed, walking over to Wonwoo, who was very focused on picking his nails.

Jangmi made a mental note to avoid him for a bit, since he hadn’t really said anything about her joining the group.

“Ok! Will do. I’m sorry you guys can’t start the dance until I’m done with my parts.” She bowed again. She wanted to make a good impression, and get everyone to like her.

“Stop bowing” Hoshi yelled, walking towards her. “You’re under my wing now, and as your unit leader I’m going to make sure that our debut is going to be perfect.”

“We’re going to be massive.” Seungkwan yelled, causing Vernon to quiet him down.

It was too late, the damage had been done.

“We’re gonna get so many music show wins.” DK shouted, raising his fist.

“We’re going to be monster rookies” Jeonghan screamed.

“We will be Daesang Winners!” Hoshi roared.

“Look guys, shouldn’t we actually debut first before taking over the world. Just a suggestion.”

Seungcheols’ soft tone was quite a contrast from the excess noise of her teammates, causing Jangmi to snicker.

“Shouldn’t we show our new maknae one of our dances?” Dino asked, causing all the boys to walk into their formation.

“You’re going to fit in perfectly.” Joshua quickly came over and placed his sweaty arms over her shoulder. “Seriously, if you need any help, just let me know. Don’t be shy to ask.” He quietly whispered in English, before joining the rest of them

Jangmi nodded in confirmation, a warm sensation of happiness filling her chest. She had just been formally put into the group, but they were already looking out for her.

Previous: Debuting with 13 Boys?

Next: Leader Maknae Date

[rachelkaser]

Stay Golden Sunday: Big Daddy’s Little Lady

Blanche’s father returns with a new fiancée who’s younger than his daughter. Dorothy and Rose write the world’s greatest song about Miami.

Picture It...

Sophia is skimming the obituaries for recent deaths to see if there are any widowers she can pick up for a date, to Dorothy’s disapproval. Rose enters, excited about a songwriting contest. It’s for a song about Miami, and there’s a $10,000 prize pool for the winner. Rose wants to enter, saying she’s written songs before, but Dorothy swiftly realizes her lyric-writing abilities are lacking. She offers her own experience poetry-writing and they agree to write up the song together. Blanche enters the kitchen just in time to get a phone call from her father. He’s apparently got a surprise for Blanche and is coming that weekend to reveal it.

DOROTHY: We could be the next Rodgers and Hammerstein! The next Simon and Garfunkel! The next-- ROSE: Shari Lewis and Lamb Chop! DOROTHY: ...I don’t think i could get my hand that far up your dress. But I’ll tell you, for $10,000 I’d be willing to give it a shot.

Rose and Dorothy are working at a piano in the living room (how they got a piano isn’t really explained), testing to see how Dorothy’s lyrics and Rose’s tune go together. The music is good, but requires messing with the lyrics. The two quickly get into a dispute over the word “thrice” and are forced to take a break. Dorothy says there are some words, such as “intrauterine” that don’t belong in a song (not that it stops Rose from trying). Blanche enters, as her father is about to arrive.

Mr. Hollingsworth arrives and delivers yet more compliments to both his daughter and to Sophia. (Sophia: “Get out the boots. He’s back.”) He tells Blanche that he’s met a widow named Margaret Spencer and they’ve been seeing each other for some time. Blanche wants to meet her, and Big Daddy reveals his surprise: He and Margaret are getting married. Blanche shrieks in glee and offers to throw the wedding herself, to which Big Daddy agrees.

Rose and Dorothy are trying out their latest composition before Blanche, and it’s going well until Blanche points out that the lyrics “M-I-A-M-I spells Miami Beach” aren’t accurate. Rose and Dorothy bicker about it, with Dorothy challenging Rose to come up with a rhyme for “Miami,” and Rose coming up with salami, pronounced “sah-lammy.” Blanche leaves the room to go prepare for the wedding caterer to arrive. There’s a ring at the bell, and Dorothy answers to admit a beautiful redhead, in her 40s at the oldest, who introduces herself as Margaret Spencer.

Rose, Dorothy, and Blanche, who enters at that moment, are surprised that Big Daddy’s squeeze is so young and attractive. Margaret attempts to make polite conversation with Blanche, who starts making barbed remarks about how young Margaret is. Coincidentally Big Daddy arrives and Dorothy and Rose quickly usher Margaret out to the lanai before the fireworks start. Blanche tells Big Daddy that she thinks Margaret is a “gold-digging hussy” and he’s making a fool of himself. Offended, Big Daddy takes Margaret and leaves, saying he’ll cut Blanche off if she can’t respect his decisions.

ROSE: Sometimes two people who seem to have the least in common turn out to be the most in love. That was certainly the case with Ollie Nofstetlermeyer and Molly Jane Doe. BLANCHE: “Ollie and Molly?” Must we take yet another trip to Petticoat Junction?

Later that night, Dorothy and Rose are having songwriter’s block and meet with Sophia in the kitchen for cheesecake. Blanche, still stressed about the situation with her father, enters and asks for a piece. They try to tell her that it’s not that bad, and older men frequently date younger women. Rose tells a St. Olaf story to prove her point about how love has no boundaries -- and it’s not anyone’s business. Blanche protests that it’s her business and decides to go confront them at their hotel. As she leaves, she drops a line that gets Dorothy and Rose’s creative juices flowing.

Blanche arrives at the hotel and asks to talk to her father. She tells him that she understands how being older and being a widower, he must be lonely, but doesn’t understand why he wants to marry such a younger woman. Big Daddy responds that it’s very difficult to watch the person you love die, and to find love again. Blanche thinks he means her mother, but he was actually referring to Margaret, whose first husband died years earlier after a long illness.

BLANCHE: Sophia, you know people in their 70s and 80s can have great sex. SOPHIA: Yeah, with people in their 70s and 80s. Put me in a bedroom with Tom Cruise, and you’d be peeling me off the ceiling. 

Blanche, stunned at this news, apologizes for being so protective of her father. He says he and Margaret still want her blessing, and Margaret returns just then. Blanche tells Margaret that she’s glad they both want the best for Big Daddy and welcomes the other woman into her family. They hug as Big Daddy looks on with a smile. Sometime later, Blanche shows Sophia a postcard from the honeymoon, and Sophia congratulates her on handling it well.

Rose and Dorothy return from the songwriting contest looking glum. Blanche asks how they did, and they say they came in second place. But they don’t have anything to show for it, and they were treated rudely while at the contest. Blanche asks to hear their song, and they put up a token resistance before running over to the keyboard. We close out the episode with the best musical moment of the entire series.

“Rose, play or die.”

Big Daddy returns just a few episodes after he made his first appearance, played by David Wayne following the death of Murray Hamilton. His decisions continue to be a bit questionable, but his decision to marry a gorgeous redhead half his age is a bit more understandable than his decision to try and hack it as a singer. However, his story is completely eclipsed by the songwriting part of the episode. But more on that in a moment.

ROSE: [telling a St. Olaf story] A lot people don’t know this, but the family drama Hey, That’s My Tractor got its start right there. DOROTHY: Wasn’t the musical version called Hey Hey, That’s My Tractor?

Blanche learns the same lesson this episode that she did in the previous episode Big Daddy was in (and that Rose learned when her mother was visiting), which is basically, “Don’t treat your parent like a child who needs correcting just because they make choices with which you don’t agree.” It’s getting a little repetitive, but to give her the benefit of the doubt, I do think Big Daddy's behavior is a little more worrying than Alma Lindstrom’s was.

Big Daddy’s been very blithe about his lifestyle choices in both episodes, and I don’t know if it’s just the inherent privilege of being a rich, older man that he doesn’t seem to realize how unusual his actions are. Starting a country-western singing career in your 80s and selling all your property to do it is worrying no matter which way you slice it. And while marrying a beautiful younger woman isn’t as bad, the fact that he says he didn’t tell Blanche because, “I didn’t think age mattered to you,” is either extremely naïve or nakedly manipulative, with his previous behavior making me lean towards the former.

BLANCHE: Rose, Dorothy, smell me! DOROTHY: I only do that with the milk, Blanche, you know the rules.

I’m all in favor of loving whoever makes you happy, but let’s be honest: Marrying a woman younger than your adult daughter, no matter how much you might genuinely love her (the wife, I mean), is unusual and not always indicative of a healthy partnership. Not telling your daughter about it and then acting shocked when she finds out and assumes the younger woman is taking advantage is the epitome of head-in-sandedness (I used to call this “ostriching,” but fun fact: Burying their heads is not a thing ostriches actually do).

I’ve learned via my usual sources that this episode originally featured much more dialogue from Margaret Spencer. Lots of Big Daddy’s dialogue was originally hers, or at least so actress Sondra Currie tells it (her friends said the finished episode features so much of the back of her head she might as well be auditioning for a shampoo commercial). I wonder if some of the lines, such as Margaret’s backstory about her late husband or the assertion that age doesn’t matter to her and Big Daddy, would have sounded better coming from her. I suppose we’ll never know.

Unfortunately for Big Daddy, we’re now 2-for-2 on episodes featuring him where the B-plot is significantly more interesting than the A-plot in which he features. Dorothy and Rose writing a song together and performing several iterations of it throughout the episode is just the best thing. The fact that this part of the episode is so memorable is why I feel comfortable giving it five slices even when I’m not crazy about the Big Daddy storyline.

Watching Dorothy and Rose clash over the piano is just perfect writing, and even their “bad” songs are better than a lot of other songs I’ve heard. I honestly can’t come up with anything else to say about it -- if you’ve seen the episode you know why every single part of the episode as it relates to their songwriting is solid gold and needs no introduction. Everything from “intrauterine” to “salamee” is worth a laugh, and the final song is a banger and I will fight anyone who says differently.

DOROTHY: You know, Rose, I have to confess I dabbled a little in poetry-writing in high school. ROSE: Oh, that’s nothing to be ashamed of. A lot of tall girls who couldn’t get dates wrote poetry in high school. [...] ROSE: Blanche, Dorothy and I have decided to enter a songwriting contest together! BLANCHE: Oh, now that sounds like fun! You know, I always wanted to write a song, but it’s kinda like writing poetry, which I was never any good at. Only the tall girls who couldn’t get dates ever seemed to be good at poetry.

Though they should have won the contest, I’m glad they didn’t win, because apparently part of the prize was having your picture taken with Anita Bryant -- who is infamously against gay rights and has campaigned to have them either revoked or not put in place at all, so fuck her. She also berated her granddaughter, Sarah Green, when she came out as gay, saying that homosexuality is a “delusion invented by the devil.” So again, fuck her. Fuck her in particular.

I’m a little disappointed Sophia didn’t have much to do this episode. It’s always a shame when the episode doesn’t give a lot of screentime. She’s only got two minor scenes related to trying to pick up dates from recently widowed men, which is fairly banal as far as humor goes, even if it does provide a counterpoint to Big Daddy dating a much-younger widow. Kind of makes me wonder why Big Daddy didn’t try dating Sophia since he always seems so impressed with her, though Sophia’s complete lack of patience with all things Southern would have quickly put an end to that.

Episode rating: 🍰🍰🍰🍰🍰 (five cheesecake slices out of five)

Favorite part of the episode:

Once more, for the road: