#every month i go without rewatching the anime i get much more out of touch with their characters

[angrycloudcrown]

sometimes i get so used to the fanon tumblr version of toritsuka that whenever i rewatch the actual anime or interact with any other part of the fandom i am JUMPSCARED

[aprillikesthings]

I think I finally have the energy for more rewatch

We're on the home stretch now folks

*cries*

s5 ep9 An Ill Wind

Me when I started doing this nearly two months ago: oh my god I can't do this for every episode it'll take me MONTHS to watch them all I want is to refresh my memory of the show enough to write my damn fic

Me now, having done this for Yes, Every Fucking Episode: I'm not ready for the show to be over ;_; Also I am devastatingly obsessed with Catra and learned I have a specific kink I didn't know the name of before and I keep practicing eyeliner like every night so I can cosplay Catra :D

ahahahah oh god

also from here on out I am going to not read the synopses

(I didn't do that for most of the episodes anyway tbh)

Glimmer can teleport relatively far distances with multiple people again but Catra is NOT a fan

also they're toUCHING

Adora, looking into the woods: hey come look at this

Catra: *still suppressing puking from some form of motion sickness caused by teleportation*

oh they find the empty torn up camp

Glimmer: maybe they went to Bright Moon or Mystacor? Catra: dude you know they could all be chipped so maybe we should be careful Glimmer: oh you don't trust princesses? Adora: Catra's right Catra: *grins in satisfaction*

just look at her

the fuckin. lack of subtlety here. as always. *chef's kiss*

("ugh they didn't HAVE to be so obvious don't you think it's Too Much" listen I've literally seen people who've watched Arcane be surprised to find out that people are shipping Vi and Caitlyn. "Really? I didn't think that was romantic." You didn't? Did we watch the same fucking show??? The one where those two have romantic tension so thick you could carve it with a KNIFE? The one where they had an overdramatic breakup scene in the rain even tho they hadn't kissed or anything? The one where they lay on Caitlyn's bed and talked about Vi's past while making significant eye contact and holding hands and Caitlyn pet Vi's face? That scene where they hug on the bridge and Vi does that like, face pet thing before walking off and they're clearly both in AGONY at being separated?! Are you really that fucking oblivious??? Jesus H Christ. Yes She-Ra made it SUPER OBVIOUS because some people are BAD AT PICKING UP THIS SHIT also She-Ra is aimed at kids and they haven't learned subtlety. Arcane was aimed at adults.)

no really I've seen people express surprise that people think they're going to be a couple. when that ^ was after they'd known each other like two hours

(seriously tho, if you can handle violence (there's a LOT ngl, it is not a show for kids) then you should watch Arcane, the people who make it have made it pretty clear that it's gonna be canon, and the next season is out in November; but also leaving shipping aside it's just REALLY, REALLY GOOD)

ANYWAY back to other animated lesbians

lol Glimmer teleports them all again without warning and Catra really does look like she's gonna hurl

And Erelandia ain't looking so good, oops

(but also yes Adora helped Catra up again)

intro is the same as the last episode

AHAHAH a dozen planets are rebelling against Horde Prime he's so pissed. And they apparently all mention She-Ra

yeah I am again surprised at how much of the actual plot I forgot lol (but I remembered that Glimmer liked to sneak into the kitchen to eat cake with her hands. Y'know. Important things.)

given his tiny facial reactions I think that's Hordak-Hordak. Our Hordak. Not the Wrong Hordak. I think.

once again I ask myself: where did y'all get those outfits

Entrapta teaches Wrong Hordak how to wink and it's so cute. I also love that she explains what it means--because I'm sure she had to consciously learn it, too: "It signals unspoken intent behind my words. In this case, our mutual deception of the Horde. Now you try."

awww

but yeah everyone in town is terrified and won't talk to them, and especially doesn't want to talk about any princesses

"should I buy property here?"

"...go team."

C'MON THAT WAS FUNNY, GUYS

Also, note to self, Melog definitely understands human speech--they split up, Catra is told to stick with Entrapta and Melog (and Catra frowns at this, just barely) and Adora tells Melog to keep them safe and it does a little noise of affirmation. (wait is Melog a he or a she or a they?)(fan wiki says it's an it but dang I feel weird using "it")

Okay so the scene where Glimmer, Adora, and Bow hide in a shop and then end up arguing with the shopkeeper is like, fascinating on multiple levels

Because on the one hand: I can't blame the townspeople for just keeping their head down and trying to get out alive. On the other hand, reporting them to the Horde isn't cool; they could just pretend not to be suspicious of these guys; there are in fact lots of places on the spectrum between "actively collaborating with one's oppressors" and "mounting a full-scale armed rebellion."

But on the other other hand I also think it's interesting that Adora's the only one of the three who's like "nah dude just let these people live their lives omg," something about Adora having lived in an oppressive environment for her whole childhood maybe

poor Adora someone get her an ibuprofen

Anyway Spinerella found them ack

Also Melog steals an apple for Catra, just magically takes it from someone's basket and into Catra's hand, which implies they're communicating non-verbally more than just moods, though I suppose "hungry, that apple looks good" is a mood

speaking of things that would make ANYone motion sick--

(Adora is saying it) Catra's right there, dude. You spent the last four seasons fighting her. lol.

Oh I paused it too soon lol Catra says this line:

LOLOL

Back on Horde Prime's ship, Hordak keeps looking at the chip thing Entrapta gave him and gets caught by Prime, whoopsie

oh hey, lore: Horde Prime can't access ALL the memories in his previous bodies without going into them, and he keeps his old bodies around in that green goo, that's fucking weird and gross, anyway he plugs a connection into his old body

Horde Prime: "The First Ones sought a new source of power of ancient worlds. Why? Why bend themselves to the whims of magic and myth?"

Poor Hordak has flashbacks to Entrapta and the Fright Zone. Mostly Entrapta. Including a moment of her looking at him fondly--I think it's the moment when she says "Imperfection is beautiful."

Horde Prime: "The fools took their secrets with them when they died. But I will find another way."

(I've seen a fan discussion suggest that there aren't actually any First Ones left--that when Light Hope made it so Adora came through the portal, the portal itself went back in time. I like that explanation in part because it means in my fic I don't have to figure out why Adora doesn't go looking for her birth family. Which tbh most fic-writers don't worry about anyway lol.)

Back with the rebellion, poor Catra is once again trying not to lose her lunch because they've all teleported.

And Netossa is like WTF IS THAT BITCH DOING HERE

Melog doesn't like that

Adora: "It's a long story, but she's with us now" Netossa: "...really??" (Catra in the background: hisses)

BAHAHA and then Netossa spots Wrong Hordak and they have to explain, no that one's with us, too 😬

But yeah p much the entire rebellion has been chipped except like Netossa and Perfuma

Adora and Bow have a guilt trip about having been gone for so long (...to rescue the queen! and also Catra)

and Catra's remembering what it's like to be chipped :(

Glimmer gives them all a ra-ra little speech

Adora just makes the sword appear in her hand without transforming lol that's cool

but they're doing the "I'm in" "yeah me too!" thing and

like, on dates?

(lol)

yayyy

Anyway the team heads back to Erelandia and starts kicking some ass

there's a great moment when Catra's like "you go deal with Spinnerella we'll take care of the bots" and Adora says "be careful" and Catra grins and says "always am!" like ma'am that is a LIE

Spinnerella is torturing some poor villager, and Netossa is worried her wife isn't still "in there"

Adora would know. From literal, personal experience. ;_;

She transforms into She-Ra and Netossa literally does a whistle of appreciation and says, "New look?" and She-Ra grins back. And somehow that is, like. Super queer. Like literally just one lesbian to another, in a flirty-but-not kinda way. Like I have *had* those interactions, where the underlying meaning is "I know we're each in a relationship, so I'm not actually hitting on you; but as one queer woman to another I want you to know that I see what you're putting out there and I like it." It's one of the best things??????

Netossa gives a little speech to Spinnerella about how she loves her and Spinnerella actually comes back for a few seconds ;_; but then she's gone again, but She-Ra and Netossa convince her to disappear for a while at least? And the locals rejoice.

And Catra would know. ;_; (She rubs the back of her neck after saying this.)

Anyway word gets back to Horde Prime that She-Ra is back on Etheria :D and he's so fucking pissed he's going to go there

...and Hordak spends a long moment looking at that chip from Entrapta again

They go to where the rebellion is actually hiding out, Glimmer and Catra recognize it

and I'M BLANKING ON WHY THEY'RE REACTING THIS WAY HELP seriously I have spent like ten minutes trying to figure it out, I don't think they talked about it while on Horde Prime's ship? Fuck!! IF YOU KNOW PLZ TELL ME

Any Perfuma ties them up and makes sure they're not chipped and then it's Happy Reunion Time with everyone :D

Adora to Catra: it's time for you to meet everyone Catra: are you sure??

I got that one without trying I didn't know it was coming lololol I was trying to get a shot of Catra looking hopeful

poor thing

Adora: long story but she's with us now!!!

Adora (well, as She-Ra) gives them all a little pep talk

ANNND EPISODE OVER

and I don't have time to do another one tonight and I won't have time tomorrow until like after 6:30pm aaaaaaugh

ON THE UPSIDE I only work two days this upcoming week.

Because it's Holy Week. I'm going to be in church like every day starting Wednesday and twice a couple of days ahahaha including an hour in the middle of the night on Thursday.

It is DEEPLY HILARIOUS to me that I'm going to end up watching the last episodes of She-Ra mere days before Easter. Like I literally have four left. Assuming I watch one tomorrow, I could end up watching the next one Tuesday night and watching the last two BEFORE GOING TO CHURCH ON WEDNESDAY how tf am I gonna focus for SHIT lolol

[preciouspeterbparker]

i wish i were

inspired by conan gray’s “heather”

warnings: stepsibling incest (not yet but that’s the whole premise), underage masturbation, underage sex, angst. peter’s like 16 and a half, Tony’s almost 18

word count: 2.2k

summary: peter’s in love with his big brother. no biggie. (spoiler alert: it’s a big deal)

(A/N: okay this has been living in my head rent free for over a month. i've written more, but it's not fully fleshed out yet. 

i figured i would post this and see if anyone is interested in reading it before i put a bunch more effort in lmao. this is filth. most of the angst comes later lololol (and more filth).

i hope you enjoy and please let me know what you think / if you'd like to read more!

- bloo)

PART ONE

Peter stands at his locker, desperately trying to blend in and remain unseen as he switches out his English textbook for Physics. The school year is basically over, given that it’s the last week of May but he’s still not comfortable in the junior-senior hallway. He’s always been the youngest (and therefore smallest) kid in most of his classes, given that he’s been in the ‘gifted & talented’ track since middle school. (He’s on track to graduate next year, taking his last few mandatory classes and completing an internship for additional credit.) This year, Peter feels even smaller than usual; maybe because most of the seniors are already eighteen, while as a sophomore, he isn’t even seventeen. He doesn’t have many friends this year, because of it. Ned moved away last summer because his dad got a new job, and, well, he’d never really needed more than Ned before. 

“Hey Pete-squeak,” comes a voice from behind, making him jump. Rolling his eyes, Peter pivots slightly to face the newcomer. The infestation of butterflies that he's been harboring for the past few months begins to flutter immediately, tickling the walls of his stomach as his cheeks flush lightly.

The voice belongs to a tall (or, well, taller than Peter, anyway), ridiculously handsome boy with dark hair and dark eyes, walking towards Peter with his hands in his pockets. The cheeky smirk on his face is all but permanent, but the small, genuine smile it slips into is something that Peter holds close to his chest, something that is typically reserved for him.  

Tony, his older brother, is pretty much Peter's favorite person in the world. Technically, he’s Peter’s step brother. Maria, his mom, and Peter’s dad Richard got married when Peter was a year old and Tony was almost three. They’d essentially spent their whole lives together; neither of them could really remember anything before. They’ve always been close, but that’s changed a little bit this year.

“Hey Tony,” Peter chirps, reaching back into his locker to grab his physics binder. He tries to act natural, even though he feels anything but. His heart’s going a mile a minute inside his rib cage. He feels a little ridiculous, he has for the past few months. Swallowing, he manages to sound relatively calm. “You read the last 2 chapters of Beowulf, right? Mrs. Herrera gave us a pop quiz last period.” 

The older teen groans. Closing his eyes, he throws his head back, a metallic thunk sounding as it collides with the locker he’s leaning back on. “Fucking hell. The final paper is due in like four fucking days! Is that not enough?” It’s quiet for a moment as Tony pauses before he opens one eye, cutting it to look at Peter. “What were the answers?” 

Peter snorts in response, shutting his locker. “Not happening, T.”  He pulls his phone out of his pocket to check the time and lets the left side of his body rest against the cool metal. Three minutes til the bell rings, and Mr. Riley’s class is right across the hall. So he’s essentially got three minutes to indulge himself and the fuzzy warmth that’s running through his veins. He loves any time he gets to spend with Tony. “You’re lucky I told you at all, be grateful.” 

Tony wrinkles his nose at him. “Rude,” he scoffs in mock offense. “I know you can remember them,” comes his teasing accusation. (And he’s right. Peter can recall the entirety of the quiz, but he’s still not going to enable Tony.) Then he pauses and raises an eyebrow at his younger brother. “Is that my sweatshirt?” The garment in question is a worn and slightly faded black Led Zeppelin USA 1977 crewneck sweatshirt. Peter’s wearing it over a charcoal and white check button-up. The sweatshirt is one of Tony’s favorite pieces of clothing, he wears it all the time (hence why Peter...borrowed it...without asking).

Having mentally prepared himself to be questioned at some point, Peter’s reply is already on the tip of his tongue. “Yeah, it ended up in my laundry and once I put it on it was too cozy to take off. And it looks good with these jeans and the button-up. And my boots. Trying out a new look,” he finishes, smiling as he pushes his glasses further up his nose. Tony often teased him about the thick, clear-but-slightly-pink frames, but Peter hadn’t wanted glasses at all (he doesn’t need any more reasons to be teased, thank you), but he likes these. They make him look cute, more feminine. More like someone Tony could want. 

“You’re right,” Tony smiles. One of his hands comes up to playfully ruffle at Peter’s russet hair. “Looks great on you, kid.” There’s warm affection in his voice. 

Peter feels his cheeks go hot again, and he wills the flush to go away. He can’t take compliments from Tony, now- they make him ache and preen simultaneously. He knows that Tony doesn’t mean it the way he wants. Peter knows that Tony would never speak to him again if he knew what was really going on inside his little brother’s head. The thought makes him sick to his stomach. 

Speaking of stomachs. “Hey,” he starts as he fingers through the papers in his physics binder, attempting to find the problem set that’s due today. “Did you ever catch up on Hell’s Kitchen? I’ve been rewatching episodes trying to wait for you, but you’re taking too long. You saw the episode where Gordon-” Peter’s heart falls to his stomach and he abruptly stops speaking when he looks up to notice that Tony isn’t looking at him anymore, barely seems to be listening. 

It falls completely out of his ass when he sees just what, just who, has stolen his attention. 

“Sorry, Pete, gotta go,” Tony mutters once he realizes that Peter’s stopped talking, shooting him a hasty smile and shoving off the navy metal. He skirts past Peter, a slight skip in his step as he makes his way down the hallway. 

Peter's swallows and clenches his jaw as he watches his brother walk straight to her, the bane of his existence. The reason he and Tony don’t spend as much time together anymore. The object of Tony’s affections. Pepper. She's...everything Peter wishes he could be, honestly. Tall, somehow a perfect mix of skinny & curvy, bright blue eyes, long strawberry-blonde hair. She's perfect. And not only in looks; she's also ridiculously smart. If Tony wasn’t valedictorian, she surely would be. She even volunteers at the local soup kitchen every weekend, and Peter’s pretty sure she reads to dogs at the animal shelter once a month. He hates that Pepper is so nice; he hates that he can't hate her without hating himself for it. 

As if he didn't have enough self-loathing already.

***

Peter exits the bathroom that connects his bedroom with Tony’s after gently flicking the lock on his brother’s door to disengage it, the soft ‘snick’ ridiculously loud in the quiet of the house. He’s the only one home; Mom and Dad are at some sort of event for Dad’s law firm, and Tony went to a party at Rhodey’s house. (Tony had insisted that Peter was invited, but he had to know that the younger would never go- why would he want to be surrounded by drunk, horny, belligerent teenagers? The last thing he wanted to see was Tony and- )

There’s a dark gray towel loosely wrapped around his waist, so loose he has to clutch it in his hand to keep it from falling. He closes his own bathroom door behind him and drops the towel, digging through his underwear drawer to pull out a random pair of plaid boxers. 

After sliding them on, the brunette takes a deep breath and lays back against the pillows, arms behind his head. He tries to consciously relax his muscles, the tension of the day not having melted away during his shower like he had hoped. Time for Plan B. It’s never let him down before. Peter reaches for his phone and unlocks it before swiping through his apps to open Spotify. The sound of “Dazed and Confused” fills the air through his speakers, and he sets it to repeat on a loop. It’s a little fucked up, the way he’s conditioned himself to respond to this song, but- Peter knows the whole thing is fucked up; he’s fucked up. 

Closing his eyes, he does the only thing he’s been capable of for months: he thinks of his older brother. 

He’s growing fond of the new facial hair Tony’s trying out; he wonders how it would feel against his skin. Which areas would be the most sensitive to its touch? His thighs? His neck? Peter’s head tilts back and to the side as he imagines wet, warm lips and the scratch of stubble. Just the thought, the phantom sensation, makes a soft mewl leave his mouth. It’s a little ridiculous how easy he can get himself going, when he thinks of Tony’s touch, of his body. Of his love. In his boxers, his cock shifts against his thigh as it begins to fill out. 

The sensual, plucky bassline and wailing guitars of the song drag along, and so does Peter’s breathing as he brings a hand up to pinch at one of his nipples. He imagines the way Tony would tease him until he was whining, begging for release. He supposes it wouldn’t be dissimilar to his older brother’s typical manner of playfully taunting him. Maybe Tony would pin him down like he did when they were younger, climb on top of him and hold him there with the muscles he’s gained from boxing in the garage. The opportunities he’s had to see the older teen breathing heavy, shirtless and glistening with sweat, would be forever ingrained in his mind. The mental image sends more blood rushing south and his dick throbs as it quickly reaches full hardness, drawing a gasp from his mouth. 

Peter takes himself in hand, studying the details of his cock. He knows he’s not huge, but he’s at least on the larger side of average. It’s flushed a deep, mauve-y pink, and he traces the line of a vein on the side with the tip of his pinkie. A shiver shoots down his spine. He wonders how similar it is to Tony’s. Is he circumcised like Peter is? Is he bigger? Longer, thicker even? Sure, he’s seen him naked before, when they were younger changing or in the bath, but that stopped around the time Tony was seven or eight. 

(Tony and Peter had come home from school one day, and Peter’s head had been reeling over what he heard some older girls saying on the bus. He’d decided to ask Tony about it. His big brother knew everything. ...Mom & Dad caught them kissing in their bedroom. That was the end of bathing together, and Tony got his own room, too. Peter never forgot about the way his big brother’s lips felt against his own.) 

A bead of precum oozes out of his tip and Peter rubs his thumb over it, smearing the liquid over his cockhead. Robert Plant’s voice moans over the speaker and Peter echoes the sound as he slowly strokes himself with a loose grip, his hole tightening around nothing. Biting his lip, he hesitates before slipping his left pointer finger into his mouth, rolling his tongue around it sloppily. Once it’s wet, he reaches down and gently presses the pad of his finger against the tightly furled muscle between his cheeks. His breath hitches as the sensation; he’s only touched himself down here a couple of times before. 

The tip of his finger begins to breach his opening and a whine leaves Peter’s mouth. It stings a bit so he tries to relax, muscles fluttering, making a mental note to grab some lube next time he goes to the drugstore. He wants to be able to stretch himself out more, to imagine Tony’s fingers, Tony’s cock, splitting him open and stuffing him full. Fuck-

Tightening his grip on the base of his cock, Peter grits his teeth and grunts softly as he pulls his finger from his ass. He can’t cum yet- he’s not done. He reaches under his pillow, pulling out the balled-up t-shirt that’s taken up residence there. The black fabric has faded in some spots, and the Black Sabbath logo is cracked and worn; it’s one of Tony’s favorite shirts. Peter brings the soft cloth up to his nose, fumbling with it to find the area with the strongest smell. There are hints of Tony’s Old Spice deodorant mixed with a scent that’s distinctly Tony, a warm, masculine musk that has saliva pooling in Peter’s mouth. Delirious, fucking his hand to the beat, he wishes he had dug a little further in the hamper, pulled out a pair of Tony’s briefs. 

That’s the thought that does him in. Peter cums into his fist, gasping his brother’s name, the sound getting muddled in the maelstrom of guitar and drums. Thick ropes of jizz splatter on his stomach and chest, entire abdomen heaving with his breaths. 

He wipes the mess up with Tony’s t-shirt before tucking the fabric back under his pillow for safe keeping.

to be continued???

[aces-of-the-center-court]

hello hello, welcome to our humble abode! thank you for liking our writing, we can only hope to continue to satisfy your needs :) this was a collaboration writing between raine & I, we both had a lot of fun writing for this request. thank you so much for the request! <3 without further ado, please enjoy the third gym squad + kageyama reactions! :) - mod sunny. < this is repost because it was not showing up on tags! >

Akaashi Keiji:

He would first be at a loss for words, extremely concerned, and would be silent for a moment before hastening a little to hold you in his arms tightly

Keeping you in his embrace, he would gently and soothingly caress your head as you continue to bawl against his chest

While waiting for you to calm down, he would think back on some possible matters that could have caused you to act this way – but Y/N had not act out of the ordinary the past few days, weeks or even months, so what could be the problem?

With Akaashi’s proficient ability in handling emotions, it wouldn’t take long for you to cool down in his comforting hug and pats

Once you have cooled down, he would gently ask how you’re doing and if you would like to talk about it with him. At your nod, he would empathetically smile at you knowingly

“I’ll go get you something to drink.” He’d leave to get you a hot drink to help calm your mind and emotions, and patiently wait until your irregular breathing from the crying stabilises

Figures. He would think when you reveal that you broke down from the emotional series finale of an anime that you’re emotionally attached to

He’d find you adorable and would offer to help you get over the series – be it rewatching the anime and dealing with your emotional outburst again, or going on a movie marathon and eating your favourite foods to cope.

Kuroo Tetsuro:

When he saw the back view of you sobbing to yourself, he would watch you quietly for a while before leaving to give you some time alone

Worried, he would remain somewhere close by where he’d be able to hear you – just in case – but not close enough that you would notice his presence

When your cries finally softened and gradually stopped, Kuroo would wordlessly enter and give you a comforting side hug, rubbing your back and waiting for you to be ready to speak

He would wipe your tear-streaked face and smooth out your hair before gently asking you for the details of your tears

Before revealing the reason, you would warn him not to laugh first and he would agree but become slightly amused and curious at your warning – it must not be that serious then, he’d think to himself, slightly relieved

Kuroo would listen intently when you tell him you were crying because an anime has reached its conclusion and you were already missing the anime and its characters

Despite trying to keep the promise of not laughing, he would still end up chuckling in relief before you hit him in the arms for breaking the promise

He would light-heartedly apologise and reassure you that there’s nothing to be embarrassed about, then offer to re-watch the series with you to make up for breaking the promise and would later turn out the one with slightly red eyes.

Tsukishima Kei:

Upon seeing you cry, though his expressions may remain stoic, his heart would sink, and he’d start getting worried, wondering why you were crying

Unsure if you’d want comfort or some time alone, he’d ask you directly but with concern in his voice, “Should I leave?”

When you shake your head, he’d assume you want to talk about it and settle down next to you, asking you what’s wrong

Pointing to your laptop screen that showed the final episode of your favourite anime, you’d cry out in between your sobs, “It… it ended…”

As he processed your words, the worry in Tsukishima’s eyes would slowly shift to one of relief, disbelief, then mockery

“So, you’re telling me that you’re crying because of fictional characters that do not exist?” He’d tease you in his usual scornful tone, in an attempt to distract you from your sorrow mood

Obviously, he’d be glad that you weren’t crying over something more grave or severe, but the teasing would be his way of venting on you for making him worried for nothing

The distraction would work as instead of crying, you’d spend the rest of the time resentfully convincing Tsukishima why the series is worth crying over and getting annoyed at him for mocking you

From now on, every time you start watching a new anime, you will never be spared from Tsukishima’s teasing – “Are you going to cry again when it ends?”

Bokuto Koutarou:

He would be shocked at first, but would immediately try to get your attention, “Y/N! What’s wrong? Why are you crying?”

He would soothe your back as you sob, whispering words of comfort to you, “There, there, it’s okay now, Y/N.”

You would be drawn to this caring side of his and rest your head against his chest while he would simply continue pacifying you until you stop crying

When you’re finally calm and ready to open up, he would give you a supportive grin and wait for you to speak

As you explain, Bokuto’s face would take on many expressions while listening

“SO! What you’re trying to say is that, this friend of yours was actually hurting inside but was hiding it the whole time? What a fine person! Your friend is too good of a person!” He would dramatically wipe the corner of his teary eyes, “Y/N, I now understand why you were crying. Let’s go help this friend of yours out!”

You would tell him you wished you could too, except that friend of yours doesn’t exist and is just a character from an anime, you’d reiterate

With his arms crossed and eyes closed, he would speak inspirationally, “No, anyone who can connect with you emotionally is a friend.” and nod matter-of-factly

Touched by how Bokuto could understand the impact of the anime on you, you would agree with his words wholeheartedly and decide to write a fan letter to the author of the work regarding the character, with Bokuto helping you by your side.

Kageyama Tobio:

Stunned, Kageyama would stare at you for a while, discerning if you were actually crying or if his eyes were tricking him

When he realised you were indeed weeping, he’d visibly panic – eyes darting around and arms flailing about – not sure what he should do or how to comfort you

He’d approach you hesitantly as he puts a hand on your shoulder and ask, “…Are you okay?”  to which you’d shake your head as you continue to sob

“Are you hurt?” he’d worriedly scan you for injuries, but you’d shake your head again

“Was someone mean to you?” he’d think of potential culprits – Could it be Hinata? Or Tsukishima? – but again, you’d shake your head

This would continue for a while as he tried to figure out what’s wrong, but to no avail – “Then… why are you crying?”

After your tearful explanation that the anime you love has such a sad ending, he’d honestly be a little confused and not able to understand, “But… they’re not real…”

You’d be mad if it was someone else who said it, but seeing his muddled expression, you could only sigh exasperatedly and respond, “Forget it…”

Your reaction would make him even more confused and anxious, wondering if he had done something wrong, “I just don’t want you to cry…” He’d mumble to himself

Hearing those words would soften your heart and you’d just hug him, taking comfort in his embrace as you attempt to get over the anime series without tears this time.

[yourkimjaejin]

Moxy with the NCT 127

The long awaited post for me!!!! Here is a closer look at Moxy’s relationships with the members of 127. Enjoy!!! ~ Author Izzy

Moxy x Taeil

Taeil was always nice Moxy. Treating her kindness and respect but never getting to close. Anytime he wanted to, it seemed like Johnny and Doyoung had everything under control

So Taeil decided to be her silent support. During her first two promotions with 127, Taeil would always keep a close eye on her. Eventually, he began to be able to tell when Moxy needed someone. And when she did he was there. 

Taeil became her emotional support oppa. Whenever she needed quiet cuddle time, she went to him. Mainly because he never told anyone. The real reason: Haechan was right. Taeil is a perfect cuddle buddy. 

As she got more comfortable with her position within 127, Moxy visited Taeil a little less but she knew that her oppa’s arms were open for her always

These two constantly trade edm songs with each other. When the rest of the members are out, they’ll blast music and have their own party in the dorms. 

He knows Moxy doesn’t like chocolate so if he makes a dessert with chocolate in it, he’ll make a special one for her with white chocolate

Moxy x Johnny

Johnny is Moxy’s dad. No ifs, ands or buts. He is her father.

With Moxy having her own room, Johnny makes a habit out of coming in and checking on her. He also drags her out to get sunlight every couple of days.

Johnny: You will not sit here and become a vampire. Let’s go!

Moxy: But I’m allergic to sun..

When Johnny was doing NCT Night Night, Moxy came to watch in studio. Usually falling asleep to Johnny and Jaehyun’s voices

Whenever he buys her clothes, he refuses to buy her any black clothing. Claiming she need to expand her color palette

Johnny has a job a Moxy’s Bodyguard #1. He sits or stands one place down from her to keep an eye on her. In airports, she remains in his eyesight's at all times. 

Moxy x Taeyong

For some time, Taeyong and Moxy didn’t have a relationship. She didn’t get to know him. He didn’t get to know her. In an effort to take care of the other (at the time) nine members, Moxy just flew under the radar.

After an interview gone wrong, Taeyong made the decision to pay more attention to the younger girl

Taeyong was impressed by her talent, all aspects of it. So he began to help with her rapping and dancing. 

Taeyong was the first member to notice her non-eating habits. To rectify that, he started keeping small snacks he knew she liked with him

Taeyong loves to run his fingers thru her hair. During vlives, he’ll pull her in front of him and start twisting and tangling her hair

These two are always bouncing ideas off of each other. Moxy’s very in touch with her feelings she knows exactly what she needs to do to express those feelings in a song and that really helps Taeyong when he gets stuck with lyrics. 

Moxy x Yuta 

Yuta is the second member of the silent supporters. Yuta keeps Moxy safe using his body. If the group is walking thru a crown, Yuta keeps Moxy in his sights at all times. If they’re on a sidewalk, Yuta makes sure she walks on the inside even if she’s not walking with him

These two love to watch anime together. As of right now, they are in the midst of a Fairy Tail rewatch. Whenever they have time, they catch a couple episodes

He is the only person Moxy could do no wrong with. The only hyung who will let Moxy do what she wants. If Moxy sneaks out to get some fries, Yuta causes the distraction

Yuta always encourages Moxy to dress in more girly clothing. He knows how much she enjoys it but never feels confident enough to wear it. So he’s tries to help her overcome that

Moxy x Doyoung

(I love this gif!!)

If Johnny is the dad, Doyoung is the mom. 

He looks after her all the time. Doyoung was always scolding both her and the other members for not really getting to know each other. 

Doyoung helped her a lot to break out of her shell. He even accompanied her to practice her gymnastics in Korea for the first time

Doyoung found out about Moxy’s terrible eating habits in the worst way possible. From then on, he made it his personal mission to make sure she eats

During Doyoung and Moxy’s early time with NCT, Moxy would have a hard time sleeping so Doyoung left his door open to her. Most of the time, She ended up in his room before morning

Doyoung does not like for Moxy to show a lot of skin around other male idols outside of NCT. There are plenty of clips where Doyoung will cover Moxy’s legs and shoulders with the closest blanket or jacket

If Doyoung is having trouble with dance moves, he’ll pull her aside for help 

Moxy x Jaehyun

Jaehyun is the third silent supporter Moxy has. Fans can catch him fixing her clothes, moving her hair into the correct place and softly catching her attention to check on her. 

Moxy has a tendency to space out. During those moments, Jaehyun usually grabs her hand and rubs his thumb on the top of her hand in small circle until she snaps out of it

Jaehyun always guides her off stage. He’s a tensy bit scared of her walking in heels and possibly slipping and falling

Moxy likes singing with Jaehyun. Around the dorm, the two will start singing and (without talking) harmonizing

Moxy x Jungwoo

Jungwoo and Moxy were close from the get-go. Moxy helped Jungwoo find his place within 127 and he’s always thankful to her. The other members of 127 are just a bit jealous of how close the two became in such a short time

Moxy and Jungwoo flirt.....alot! There is literally no boundaries between them. When Moxy lived in the 127 dorm she would steal his clothes all the time. 

When on stage, they might as well be attached at the hip. Fans will see them gravitating towards each other like magnets. At fansigns, Jungwoo will tell the fans to checkup on his girl two spaces down

Jungwoo is the only person who will ever see Moxy freak over other kpop groups. She would rather appear indifferent to everyone else. Jungwoo was only other member to figure out Moxy had a crush on Mark from Got7

Moxy x Mark

M squared didn’t have any sort of relationship until recently. For most of their shared career, they were just members in the same band. 

Early on, K-fans made many comparisons between the two 99 liners. Both were from countries outside of Korea. Both were exceptional at rap, dance and singing. In most title tracks, you can bet Mark and Moxy are gonna have a rap verse where they go line for line

Many fans called Moxy a mixture of Taeyong and Mark. Those comments got to him. And because Mark didn’t talk to her, she didn’t talk to him. This all came to a head when SuperM was just starting. 

Mark should have been happy. Happy to have his raps all to himself. But he found himself missing Moxy’s energy. Her hype affected him so much stage. It made go even harder with every word. 

When Mark finally got back for Superhuman promotions, Mark finally started to make a effort to befriend Moxy. While the two are getting closer, Mark is still at the bottom of her relationships within 127

Moxy x Haechan

Different from Mark, Haechan and Moxy grew close fast. At first, he saw her like Haechan see’s Taeil. The quiet member who just the right person to break them out of their shell. And that he did

Haechan would always crash into her room like a hurricane, kick everyone out and steal Moxy for the rest of the day

They love learning old and new kpop dances together. These two are a walking random play dance challenge.

During the summer fight, Donghyuck would stow away in Moxy’s room. The hyungs wouldn’t hear any noise coming so they would check on them almost every thirty minutes just to make sure the two were ok.

Moxy is one of the only members who is privy to Donghyuck in a down mood. “You never have to front with me. You got me?”

Moxy and NCT Dream

Moxy is their noona and don’t you forget it. 

Moxy adores Renjun’s energy. His aura never fails to make her feel safe and calm. Moxy and Renjun have little dates where they just sit in his room and watch YouTube theory videos

Jeno likes to workout with Moxy but she will only join if he’s going to a gym. Moxy refuses to ride bikes across half of Korea

Just like Johnny does with Moxy, she drags Jaemin out of his room for some outside time whenever its been awhile since they’ve seen the sun

Every third Thursday of the month, mochenji get together at chenle’s house and have a sleepover. Private time between the maknae’s and their favorite noona

Moxy and WayV

Hendery, Xiaojun and Yangyang love to tease Moxy about her bias on Ten. They flood her text message with pictures of him. They make little comments that make her blush in front of him.

Ten thinks its Moxy’s crush is adorable. He found out a while ago (I mean Moxy isn’t subtle.....). The only person Ten told was Kun. Ten loves to buy things for her just to see her eyes light up

You can’t put Moxy in the same room as Lucas cause she will literally pass out from laughing too much

Back in their trainee days, Kun would accompany Moxy to the train station to get home. One time, it was really late and Kun walked her all the way home. Kun became her grandmother favorite NCT member that day. 

Winwin and Moxy found common ground in the tricking Winwin did (i.e. the front flip in fire truck) Winwin loved going to her gymnastics practice and practicing flips with her. 

Moxy and NCT U

Shotaro is her shy Japanese child and if anything hurts him, Moxy would burn Korea to the ground. 

Other SM trainees tried to scare him by warning him about Moxy’s “Bad Attitude”. Telling him that he would never get her help or advice. Shotaro not knowing any better steered clear. 

One day, Moxy found him struggling with his Korean lessons and She immediately sat down with and helps him. Breaking everything down slowly. She even called Yuta to help because she only knew a tiny bit of Japanese. Ever since, Moxy has protected Shotaro. 

Sungchan loves to flirt with his Noona but all he gets in return is a swat on the arm. Truly, Sungchan loves being around Moxy. She took the time to introduce him to the other members and let him cling to her while he was getting used to being thrown into such a well known group

Moxy loves to take care of Sungchan and Shotaro. She’ll buy them food and The members of 12 were shocked to see how easy it was for the new members to drag Moxy out of the house

[project-paranoia]

Live Watch: Thousand Autumns Episode One

Oh wow someone got the good... guzheng? Something in that family of instruments anyway. They got the good music for that. And the animation is beautiful and beautifully synchronised to the clip excerpts.

And the imagery! The opening with the symbol of the Dao, and then main character number 1, Shen Qiao, all in white, in a fantastically and subtly ornamented outfit - I love the textures of the cloth they put in on the animation here, cloth and clothes textures are so easy to get wrong and they’ve done it beautifully here. I think this is supposed to be Shen Qiao’s original sect leader/zhangjiao outfit and he looks properly leaderly in it.

And this, followed by a closeup of Yan Wushi’s hand holding the ring of contention, and then Yan Wushi himself, very handsomely rendered in 3d animation - and again I have to voice my appreciation of the cloth textures. That’s actual subtly 3d brocade textures they’re rendering there, with the correct flow for how cloth hangs on the body, and the correct variances of light on the areas with thicker brocade and it is, frankly, very impressive. And they didn’t lose colour saturation doing it either, making that purple robe look suitably luxurious. The shiny hair ornament and one sidebang in white is a nice touch as well. As are the hints they set right in the opening that Shen Qiao and Yan Wushi are ... opposites, and complements, linking them back to the Yin/Yang balance of the symbol of the Dao.

So much love for this opening song it’s so good. Also going to be a pain to translate accurately with a proper sense of the poetry of it, but so good.

Alright episode 1 proper, 风雨欲来. The coming of the wind and rain, literally, I think. Maybe even the foreboding or oncoming storm, if you’re going for the feel of the term instead of literal translation. Oh. Oh that opening montage with the bird’s eye view and the fog and the high mountains - I was so taken by this scenery I sketched and tried to paint it at least 3 times. It’s a very moving shot. Also very much in the grand tradition of xianxia/wuxia, and also, even without a word, hinting at the traditional stance of the Mt Xuandu sect - to 出世， to remove themselves from the world to cultivate in the seclusion and clarity of the literal peaks above the clouds and dust of the world.

Oh. Oh that opening shot. The challenge to combat by Kunye to Shen Qiao. The.. subtle and ornate embroidery and brocade and patterning on Shen Qiao’s sect leader robes is so awesome. The wave motifs repeated in the 3 layers of robes, even on the hair ornament/冠 in his hair, the resolute look on his face! The closeup shot of the 山河同悲 sword - and what a name for it. A sword named for, if I may be excused poetry in translation - compassion and pity and fellow feeling for the griefs and pains and trials of the world as encompassed by the mountains and rivers - what a blade, and what a name, and what a bearer that would be worthy of it. A very good hint, at the kind of person Shen Qiao is, even before they have him open his mouth.

The contrasting costuming decision for Kunye et al is also very nice, hinting at the cultural differences between, say, the peoples that live on the central plains and the more nomadic groups living on less kindly land, shown in the different materials available/preferred - leather, furs, etc  vs cloth, silk, cotton etc

And the fight choreography! So nice! The 3d animation works really well here,in that there’s no limitation to the capabilities of human bodies and it’s possible to really show in the visual medium the knock out drag down fight between 2 people whose martial - and quasi magical - capabilities are already at potentially mountain splitting levels. Not to mention also, showing that a Shen Qiao who isn’t being handicapped by sabotage... really can wipe the floor with Kunye if he wants to. And then, of course, once the fight gets to Half-step Peak and they’re out of sight of inconvenient witnesses, the signal for the ambush. And then the effects of the sabotage take hold.

Ah, flashback to 20 years ago, to provide the audience with the world info we need to understand the rest of the story. Not to mention also informing us why Hulugu would even bother. Or why Kunye coming in to challege Shen Qiao is so narratively important. And also introducing the ring that so many would fight over later.

Yan Wushi’s character introduction.. is quite something. As is Yu Shengyan’s. Ah, Shizun, congratulations on exiting your 10 year cultivation seclusion, would you like the highlights on the changes in the world in the past 10 years? But also a good show of character, because they have him not even looking at Yu Shengyan, but looking away in the distance, and telling him to only tell the most important bits, he’s not interested in useless words. Also serves as a nice introduction to some people who’ll be important later, and giving us a time marker for when Shen Qiao ascended to the sect leader post - 5 years ago, after the death of his shizun Qi Fengge. Ah Yan Wushi, your characteristically arrogant attitude - aside from Qi Fengge, who in life was worthy of being the first among all the wuxia world, the rest are not worth even mentioning. And here too a little hint that Yan Wushi might care a little bit in some way for those who are his, including his disciples - He tells Yu Shengyan that this location, this Half Step Peak that they’re at, because of its physical characteristics, is good for him to cultivate to the next level of understanding/enlightenment of the martial arts used by Huanyue Sect.

I love it whenever they hint that the more... developed characters whose martial arts are very good have improved senses. A little flow of blood in the water, Yu Shengyan notices something is wrong, looks at his shizun, and receives a nod of affirmation that he perceived correctly and should take action. And then after that, they come upon a body of one of the Mt Xuandu disciples, and Yan Wushi’s verbal remark that today, Mt Xuandu is troubled and not pure and clean. And then Shen Qiao literally falls from the cliff top - and the pan up makes it very clear that for most people, this is a lethal fall.

And then the surviving ambushers attempt to finish the job when Yu Shengyan checks whether Shen Qiao is still alive... and Yan Wushi takes the training opportunity when he sees it, and tells his disciple to use his strongest techniques to take on the remaining assassins. And then, when Yu Shengyan can't quite wipe the floor with them... criticizes his lack of growth, as might be expected of Yan Wushi, and steps in to really wipe the floor with the assassins, as might not be expected of Yan Wushi. Also doubles as a really nice display to the audience of his level of strength. In fact.. listening to the voice, I think one of those assassins appears, unhidden, in later episodes. Heh. Plot continuity, a nice one. As are the assassins having common sense, recognising Yan Wushi's infamous technique, and running before they're cut down.

Ahahahaha yes Yu Shengyan, your shizun really had you pick that fight for training, and he's really about to pick up Shen Qiao and have him rescued on a whim. Also nice to review, on rewatch for the details, that part of this whim is perhaps curiousity as to Shen Qiao's ability to survive and/or recover, as hinted by the thin thread of strength provided by the Zhuyang Ce, that Yan Wushi identifies as the thin strength keeping him alive, despite the aforementioned lethal fall.

Heh. Yu Shengyan – and maybe Huanyue Sect's other job – information gatherers aka spies.

Ah, Yan Wushi, you really are fascinated by people's reactions under stress, aren't you.

Shen Qiao awakens! Oof, the amount of damage – can't see, amnesia – damaged or even broken meridians – the donghua doesn't mention how much time passes, but given that Yu Shengyan mentions that Shen Qiao's broken bones have only just finished healing – could not have been a matter of days. Weeks, maybe even a month, minimum. Unless Yu Shengyan meant that the bones have only just been set – which could mean a few days. And then the mindscrew from Yan Wushi, telling poor amnesiac Shen Qiao that, yes, your name is Shen Qiao, oh, and you are one of my disciples from Huanyue Sect! Someone sure is hasty to put his poke the injured person plans into action! Ah Yan Wushi, if you could please give Shen Qiao a break, he just had a near death experience! But also – the scope of the injuries – yes, it benefits Yan Wushi's plotting but also – Shen Qiao was injured beyond the scope of ordinary medicine? Yu Shengyan has to be stationed to basically care for him until he is able to awaken – and presumably recover – appropriately!

Alright, time marker, 3 months after previous events.. okay. Shen Qiao can walk, some, though the animators were careful to make it a clearly pained walk, in comparison to how he was moving pre-Kunye fight. And then of course the blindness, which may also explain how they've animated him moving with more cautious steps. And the coughing, and the eyes that can't focus – all in all, a detailed and careful show of how badly injured Shen Qiao still is. Can't help sniggering at every 'shidi' I'm hearing him say though. And Yu Shengyan... yes, really, even though you and your shizun can't quite believe it, there really is a person this kind and considerate of other people.

The appearance of the weiqi board motif! Strategy, and planning, and part of the arts of the refined gentlemen..and the hint of how Shen Qiao is perceiving/visualising the input that he hears, since he can't see right now. And the hint that he might be using qi to help sort through what he hears – well enough that he can identify it's a weiqi board, and even the piece being placed. Very Awesome. Especially when they show Yan Wushi possibly testing Shen Qiao's capability to perceive the world around him by hesitating and purposely not putting down his piece.. and Shen Qiao very naturally picking up the piece – black, the correct colour and the one Yan Wushi was about to play – and putting it in the correct position on the board that Yan Wushi was about to place. Is it any wonder that the next thing Yan Wushi checks is the state of his recovery?

And then we have Yan Wushi's characteristic multipronged planning – creating trouble for Hehuan sect, training for Yu Shengyan, testing opportunity for Shen Qiao. Very excellent, any and every outcome has benefit to Yan Wushi.

Ah the encounter at the medicine shop. Hm. Okay, the sharing of the medicine is clearly a hint to Yan Ziwen of some kind that he and his should be especially cautious tonight, perhaps even to run for their lives tonight. Though it's maybe a hint in the actions, and not the words, because the words don't sound suspicious at all. Neither do the actions, if you were watching as a observer and didn't know Yan Ziwen's paranoid character – a blind person would unsurprisingly wish to be extra careful where they put their hands. And at night, on the attack... for all that Shen Qiao can't quite see, and is currently relying on the rest of his senses... he can tell that something's off about Yu Shengyan's actions. And then... Shen Qiao remembers... the sword, and what Qi Fengge taught him. And then the confrontation, and the near strangulation by Yan Wushi... Shen Qiao has such a nice literary register to his speech. Four word phrases even under severe near strangled stress, with the right philosophical meaning to make his point to Yan Wushi. And then the reveal of Yan Wushi's plotting. Very nicely done.

And now, the first of Yan Wushi's many many invitations to Shen Qiao to forsake his daoist path and join Yan Wushi's ... evil sect is not the right word. Demonic path is technically correct but has moral overtones that don't fit. Join Yan Wushi's cultivation path, maybe. Join and get bloody revenge on everyone who's wronged Shen Qiao – and already there are so many of them. And we the audience wonder for half a second – is he going to do it? Is this going to be a revenge story? And Shen Qiao flat out refuses in words, in the first of many times. And then Shen Qiao walks away from Yan Wushi. Here the animation is a delight again – the audience gets to see the little micro expressions that flit across – he's actually walking away?! And then Yan Wushi does his dramatic gifting of the bamboo stick. And too, a few seconds later, the reveal of their movements being spied on by Duan Wenyang, and Yu Shengyan's orders to continue searching for .. something. Ah, the plotting in Thousand Autumns. Always a delight.

[meteor752]

Ultimate ship meme

Send in two (or more) names and I’ll fill all this out about the ship!

No one asked me to do this, but I just rewatched Lotr so I’m in full Aralas mood, so here ya go

General:

Rate the Ship -   Awful | Ew | No pics pls | I’m not comfortable | Alright | I like it! | Got Pics? | Let’s do it! | Why is this not getting more attention?! | The OTP to rule all other OTPs

How long will they last? Until Aragorn dies, then Legolas will mourn him forever

How quickly did/will they fall in love?  Love at first sight, basically. But have you seen, and met these boys?

How was their first kiss? Quite chaste and brief, as it was in the middle of a battle, but still tender

Wedding:

Who proposed? Aragorn

Who is the best man/men? Aragorn had Arwen and Legolas had Gimli

Who is the braid’s maid(s)? -

Who did the most planning? It was a royal wedding, so there were a lot of people doing the planning

Who stressed the most?  Aragorn was calm as hell about the whole thing, while Legolas couldn't stop shrieking all the time out of stress

How fancy was the ceremony? - Back of a pickup truck | 2 | 3 | 4 | Normal Church Wedding | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Kate and William wish they were this big.

Who was specifically not invited to the wedding?  No one was specificallty not invited, but there were a lot of people who they did not invite, as they couldn't have the entire Middle Earth at their wedding

Sex:

Who is on top? Aragorn

Who is the one to instigate things? Legolas

How healthy is their sex life? - Barely touch themselves let alone each other | 2 | 3 | 4 | Once a couple weeks, nothing overboard | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | They are humping each other on the couch right now

How kinky are they? - Straight missionary with the lights off | 2 | 3 | 4 | Might try some butt stuff and toys | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Don’t go into the sex dungeon without a horse’s head

How rough are they in bed? - Softer than a butterfly on the back of a bunny | 2 | 3 | 4 | The bed’s shaking and squeaking every time | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Their dirty talk is so vulgar it’d make Dwayne Johnson blush. Also, the wall’s so weak it could collapse the next time they do it.

How much cuddling/snuggling do they do? - No touching after sex | 2 | 3 | 4 | A little spooning at night, or on the couch, but not in public | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | They snuggle and kiss more often than a teen couple on their fifth date to a pillow factory.

Children:

How many children will they have naturally? None

How many children will they adopt? None, but they do babysit Bain’s son from time to time, and Frodo and Sam’s army of adopted children

Who gets stuck with the most diapers? Aragorn, because Legolas wouldn’t do it if his life depended on it

Who is the stricter parent? Aragorn again

Who stops the kid(s) from doing dangerous stunts after school? Once again Aragorn, mostly because Legolas is over there encouraging the kid

Who remembers to pack the lunch(es)? Legolas, because Aragorn is terrible at taking care of himself, so he doesn’t trust him with taking care of a child

Who is the more loved parent? Well, they are both fun uncles, so I wouldn’t say either is more loved

Who is more likely to attend the PTA meetings? Legolas, because Aragorn is often busy, and Leggy is that type of dramatic bitch

Who cried the most at graduation? Neither cried, they were just consoling the parents

Who is more likely to bail the child(ren) out of trouble with the law? Legolas, but he would just grab the kid and run tbh

Cooking:

Who does the most cooking?  Aragorn, as Legolas is not quite sure how man food work

Who is the most picky in their food choice?  Aragorn can literally eat rocks if he desires to, so Legolas

Who does the grocery shopping?  They like to go down to the market together when they can, so both

How often do they bake desserts?  Not too often, actually

Are they more of a meat lover or a salad eater?  They are both hunters, so meat all the way

Who is more likely to surprise the other(s) with an anniversary dinner? Aragorn, because he’s a sap

Who is more likely to burn the house down accidently while cooking? Legolas probably

Chores:

Who cleans the room? Legolas was raised by Thranduil, so keeping things clean to keep up appearences in pretty much ingrained in his mind

Who is really against chores? Aragorn, because why bother cleaning when things will get dirty anyways

Who cleans up after the pets? The only pets they would have would be their horses, and that would be the one chore that Aragorn liked, so yeah Aragorn

Who is more likely to sweep everything under the rug? Legolas, just to get things done

Who stresses the most when guests are coming over? Also Legolas, because again, raised by Thranduil

Who found a dollar between the couch cushions while cleaning? Aragorn, because when he is forced to clean he gets distracted very easily

Misc:

Who takes the longer showers/baths? Aragorn showers like once a month for five minutes, while Legolas could be stuck in there for hours every day

Who takes the dog out for a walk? Aragorn, as he’s more of an animal person

How often do they decorate the room/house for the holidays? They were both raised in elven culture, so they both celebrate those holidays, while ignoring the holidays of men

What are their goals for the relationship? Just to be able to have fun with it, ya know? Spend time together, cuddle, laugh, cry, all that couple stuff. Just to have each other

Who is most likely to sleep till noon? Usually neither, but when he fully gets the chance, Aragorn. And Legolas is fully contempt with watching his love sleep

Who plays the most pranks? Legolas, 100%. 

[what-a-messsss]

2x3 rewatch

I keep forgetting that Brach is still in S2.  Oops.  Also, I apparently went to check something in S6 last time I watched something, so it started at 6x2 instead of 2x3 and I yelled.  But anyway, on with this mess.  “Death Came in Like Thunder” apparently.  It sure did.

Ah yes, let us not forget that Branch is MANLEH.  This shall be proven to us by him murdering his cousin, Trunk, with big ax.  Chop chop, Branch, kill Trunk.  But oh no, must also show that he is People Smart, so must also lose because this makes him likable.  And many white people clap.  Yaaaay.  But be sure to say, “I let him win, Ferg,” while your competitor is right next to you, so he almost surely heard you.  Good good.

Oh Ferg.  Could you look more gormless if you tried?  (I mean, probably not, since presumably that was the goal of the actor, so he would have been trying.  But still.)  Bb.

Heh, nice thematic cut to Walt also chopping wood.  And YAY, Henry’s gorgeous truck (and gorgeous self).  I’m just going to take a moment to appreciate the fact that Henry rolls up and just helps himself to some of Walt’s thermos of coffee.  Because of course he does.  But I do so love these touches that they put in that do underline the fact that they are married have been besties for going on 40 years.  Also, I love this jacket of Henry’s.  The woven top, jean jacket sort of one?  Yeah, top 5 costume pieces of his for me.  (Also on that list, all basically tied with each other, basically any pants he wears.  I am reminded, when they cut back out to a full body shot.  Because I am very shallow, and he is very pretty.)

Haaaaaa.  And of course Cady talked to Henry before she talked to Walt.  Walt is a butthead.  And, yeah yeah, she just found out that he’d been lying to her for over a year, but that just proves my point that Walt is a butthead.  And we’re back to this whole idea that she left her phone, which just... ugh.  No.  But Henry’s face when he says that she said that she is safe, and he’s so worried, but still willing to respect her boundaries.

“She is an adult, Walt.”  “She’s my daughter.”  For fuck’s sake, you jackass, your ADULT daughter; that’s the whole flipping point!  Also, that little emphasis on my daughter, pfft.  If you didn’t want to feel like she preferred her cool dad to you, maybe try being less of an AAAAAAASSHOLE.  And, like, respecting her.  Even a weensy little bit.

“Etta Place”  I don’t remember if we find out why that’s the ‘assumed name’ that Cady chose, but I’m intrigued.  Wait, I just googled.  Looooool.  She spent years with Butch and Sundance.  Nice.

Walt is such a soft touch with teens.  *snack crackle pop* that kneecap back into place.  Vic starts this scene saying, “The 911 operator,” though, which is interesting, because I was kind of under the impression that Ruby was the main dispatcher, so it would be kind of heartening if she actually had back up with that.  ...Or maybe they’re just far enough out that a cell call made would be picked up by a tower farther out and have to be routed back in to the station/them.  I have no idea how that actually works.  Another rabbit hole for me to totally not go down.  Hopefully.  Shit.  They’ve apparently upped the fine for trespass since the show, though, because it’s $750 (or 6 months in jail) now and Walt says it’s $500.

And once again, we see Vic actually wearing gloves while investigating a suspicious death, and Walt just squinting into the distance helpfully.  I suppose “things got bad” in Basque country around WWII, but there has been friction there that dates back before the Spanish Civil War, or even the Carlist Wars the previous century.  It did get gnarly with the dictatorship of Franco, and the formation of the ETA in retaliation, though, so yeah.  (Francisco Franco is also on the list of people who anybody with a time machine should go back and beat the shit out of.)

Shit, I forgot about the animal death.

Knock knock, no answer.  Better just wander in without a warrant.  I know that the guy who they know lives there is dead, but still, no fricking warrant; I suppose the worry of a poisoning could count as probably cause?  

Gods, but there are moments when I do absolutely adore Vic, and they are usually when she’s taking the piss out of Walt.  “Reclusive bachelor chic; you and Marco have the same decorator.”  Looool.  But also, sad, because Martha has only been gone for a little over a year, and Walt is not the kind of person who would, like, change stuff and get rid of her things, so that’s kind of odd.  Maybe Henry and/or Cady went though and put away some of her things to try to help Walt move on?  But damn, the ‘excuse you’ look on Walt’s face when she does say it, pffft.

AND AGAIN, Vic wearing gloves, Walt with his bare ass hands picking up the picture of Picasso’s Guernica; can you at least *pretend* you’re a cop, *some* of the time, buddy?

Lol at the barrabilak; they are pretty well by the Rocky Mountains, so it’s probably not all that surprising that Walt’s had some “Rocky Mountain oysters” before.

I had forgotten that Vic had four brothers.  But her comment about Sal going off to look after the sheep and how if someone had told her that one of her brothers were dead she “wouldn’t care about any damn sheep,” I don’t know.  It kind of annoys me.  It’s totally in character for her, which is good, but I think it’s part of what can annoy me about her character.  Different people grieve differently, but also, I know she’s only been in Wyoming for a year or two, tops, but how is it so hard to fathom that someone one would be concerned about their livelihood, even in the face of personal tragedy?  Just, seeing beyond her own very narrow experience doesn’t seem like something she’s very good at.  It would be one thing if she’d framed it as “this is suspicious, and here’s why I think so as a cop,” but it was, “I wouldn’t react that way personally, so it’s sus.”  

Sure, be suspicious because there’s a suspicious death and family members are always suspects until ruled out, but approach it like a cop.  Or at least think about it from more angles than just your own, not terribly similar experience.  You’re a white city cop who can’t (or won’t) adjust to being in BF rural-ville, but these are immigrant shepherds whose family come from a homeland where the cops were just as likely to kill you as answer questions, and you’re side-eying a guy for going to make sure that their meal ticket doesn’t get obliterated?

I need to keep reminding myself that I really did want to like Vic.  I really did.  She just... they don’t make it easy for me.  Maybe she’s serving as an avatar for audience who don’t know about some of the culture stuff, and the audience get answers from her ignorance?  But honestly, I wish they’d picked a different way to handle that, if that’s what they were trying to do.  Her response to Henry being salty about Thanksgiving still really pisses me off.  Because it was shitty and racist, and... do we really need a character basically rolling their eyes and saying, “It was so long ago, why don’t you just get over it,” about something that is intrinsically tied to the genocide of so many people?  Why are Indigenous people just supposed to “get over it” but “Remember the Alamo” and “Southern Pride,” and shit?  Fuck’s sake.  Honestly, that might have been the moment when they lost me on her character.  She has moments where she’s awesome, but they never really address her being fucking racist or give her a chance to grow into a better person.  Which sucks a lot.  Fuck.  Ok, that was a lot.  Sorry.  Back to the actual ep.

AH, nice of you to beam in from the campaign trail, Brancheroo!

Uh, so I paused it to look at pic in the newspaper, and then being me, started to look at the articles surrounding the pic.  And the one with the headline “Fans Injured At Local Game” is actually about the Stewart case?  From 1x3?  I’m guessing that somebody went to the trouble of writing up an article for that for some S1 ep after it and they just plugged it in because when not paused, you might catch “Sheriff Longmire” there and that’s all they need.  Especially since the text starts to repeat after the first paragraph.  (I am the worst pedantic little shit.)  Ooooor, maybe even though it’s S2, it’s hardly been any time since 1x3?  The date on the newspaper is March 31, 2012, so there’s a timeline hint. 

Awwwwww, once Walt points out the bird, Ferg knows exactly what it is.  Occasional twitcher, are we, my lad?  “A red-tip meadowlark,” indeed.  Oh bb; Ferg’s face when he sees Walt looking at the pic of him with Branch in the paper.

“You go too fast, you miss the little things.”  Every once in a while, he actually sort of mentors Ferg.  I wish he did more of that, especially since we see later how capable Ferg can be.

Go suck an egg, Branch.  Why does she get all the “good” assignments?  Maybe because she was actually on the job when they found the body, not campaigning.

OPE.  Lizzie’s gift.  Yeah, I’d probably choke on that coffee if I were you, too, girl.  Better hope that there wasn’t perishable food stuffs in that gift, because that has been in there for a whiiiiiile, hasn’t it.  Wait, was Ferg in the office when Lizzie dropped off the gift?  Because his face said more than just “Did somebody give Vic a present?”  Suuuuper subtle with that whole pushing the drawer closed with your foot there, Vic.  Pfffft.

“Cyrano Caballero”  How daaaare that skeeve take Cyrano’s name in vain?!?!  (I have a thing about Cyrano de Bergerac.  It’s quite possibly my favourite play, and I adore the character, and have exactly 0 chill about it at all.  I find Brian Hooker’s translation of “The Ballade of the duel at the Hotel Bourgogne Between de Bergerac and a Boeotian” with “Then, as I end the refrian, thrust home,” vastly superior to any other translation that I’ve heard or read, though for the rest of it, I will grant that there are others to be preferred.  But that version of his Ballade is exquisite, and I will not be swayed.  Holy shit, FOCUS.  That is so very much not the point.)  It’s not even a throw away line in this ep, it’s just a random, very well chosen, if utterly appallingly insulting, company name.  It’s actually incredibly clever for what the business is, and if it didn’t make me so stomping mad, I would applaud whoever came up with it heartily.

Vic’s face listening to this jackass’ spiel is a thing of beauty.  “A good woman goes a long way of easing the obvious stresses of your daily life,” the jackass says, cutting his eyes at Vic when he says “obvious stresses,” and I caaaackle.

What is it about this guys’ horrible glasses that just makes him so much more hate-able?  I’m not entirely sure, but kudos to whatever costumer put those on him, because they are perfect.  In the ‘I want to punch him’ way of perfection.

And after all of that about Walt’s “lady friend,” Vic brings Lizzie’s present.  Womp womp.  That went super well.  Yuuuup, run while you can.

Poor Ferg.  Branch manipulates him, Vic ignores him, Walt shuts him down...  Poor guy just can’t get a break.

I actually kind of like this motel manager--the one who “doesn’t judge people” and is a stickler for warrants?  At least somebody in this county cares about warrants.  Also, those doors are actually really pretty.  Nice colour, and the carved scrollwork designs are nice.

What an odd shot: the one when they’re coming out of Walt’s office after talking to Skeevy McGrossFace and Rosa.  It’s a weird sort of shaky-cam stepping back, just preceding Branch walking, and then turns to follow him when he sit’s on his desk.  But it’s a really different style of shot than I can remember, so much so that it’s a bit jarring, especially after the series of nearly stationary close ups that we just had.  Weird. [18:42-18-50]

Cady!  I haven’t made much note of her costuming before this, but it seems notable that’s she’s only in monocromatics.  Especially next to Fales in muted tones, but still some colour, and surrounded by the colourful grafitti of the alley where her mother was stabbed.  Nice way of setting her apart from everything.

SHEEPIES!  Ooooo, that wagon is so cool.  Ah dang, the way that Sal corrects Walt’s pronunciation of his brother’s name is so gloriously passive aggressive.  Good for you, my dude.  Names are important, and people should have the respect to make the effort to get them right.

Aaaaaand Walt, the definition of Do, Don’t Tell, just shoves the guy to keep him from drinking the possibly dangerous water, rather than, like, using his words.  Walt’s gonna Walt.

Iiiiiiiii am a mess, truly.  It cuts to an architectural model and I start giggling like a 6th grader, because I know it’s going to be a Jacob scene.  He’s not even on screen yet, ffs.  HANDS.  I’m fine.  Totally fine.  (That’s totally a lie.  I just rewound to the beginning of the scene because I kept giggling too much to pay attention.  What the hell.)  First time we’ve seen one of the chips, which at this point must be a marketing mock-up, since nothing is built yet.  And he actually types, not just doing the hunt-and-peck thing that is sometimes easier on a tablet.

Looking at the weaving that is up on his wall (maybe a rug?) I’m hoping that the prop people actually did buy from Northern Cheyenne artisans.  They apparently did most of their filming in New Mexico, so I hope they made the effort to get the patterns right, and buy from the actual tribe they’re supposed to be portraying, I guess?  And now I’m distracted by the fact that the random hanging light behind Jacob is at a weird angle?  

Look, ever since I realized that the “Hey,” that Jacob does is apparently just A (thanks to it also happening in That Damned Xmas Movie) I am endlessly amused (and charmed) whenever Jacob does it.  I don’t know why it makes me so happy, but it does.  (This is legitimately embarrassing.  How much trouble I am having focusing.  Beyond my normal focus issues, which, as shown above, are already impressive.  Because thiiiiirst.)

“My boys at the lumber yard did just throw you a campaign rally.”  I love how Jacob is basically apparently not just his secret angel-investor, but also a sneaky campaign manager.  Did Branch just think shit like the rally just happened?  He’s not fricking Ferris Bueller; somebody organizes those.  And apparently it’s either Jacob himself, or someone who Jacob appointed to do so.

“I thought you were just a casino developer.”  You have noooo clue, Brancheroo.  “I prefer to remain a silent partner.  White people get nervous when Indians start taking back their land.”  Oooooope.  Especially interesting because there are previsions for the Tribal Council to purchase land to be Tribal land (Section 6 of Article IX of the Tribal Constitution), but this seems more along the lines of personal acquisition.  Though maybe not, because “on the board” doesn’t necessarily equate to being the owner.

The set up of Jacob’s office is so interesting.  Functionally for the show, it’s probably for better shooting angles, so that we can see more of Jacob behind the desk while Branch is sitting in front of it, but from an in-the-verse decorating standpoint, bit’s fascinating.  He has this focal wall with the gorgeous wall hanging, flanked by floor to ceiling window, but instead of having his desk centered on that wall and directly facing the bulk of the room, it’s at an almost 45 degree angle on a huge rug, and it’s so unexpected.  I kind of love it, and want to analyze it for days.  Also worth noting is that pride of place is given to the  Hotamétaneo’o headdress which is on a stand centered in front of the wall hanging.

How fucking tired must Jacob be.  He’s used to Walt... Walting, but then Branch comes in, who he is literally spending his own money to support in his bid for sheriff, and he pulls the same shit of assuming that he’s behind Bad Shit.  And then Branch frames it as “bad P.R,” so he’s there to “discuss it with [him] privately.”  And then basically threatens him with Walt.  I swear.  ...there is something a little amusing about Walt being used as the stick in the carrot and a stick method of negotiating.  He certainly is enough of a blunt object most of the time.

Oh fuck you so much, Branch.  Playing the “can’t give you details about an ongoing investigation” card as though you have some professional or moral leg to stand on after basically blackmailing Jacob with Walt’s vendetta is just such shit.  You don’t get to look down your nose at Jacob’s quid pro quo pragmatism when you were the one who came to him for financial backing.  You sanctimonious little shitheel.  If you didn’t want to deal with Jacob, you shouldn’t have taken his $100k.  He’s a business man, and you’re an investment, and not a quixotic one.

“He’s probably the only person to have died from [hemlock] since Socrates.”  And then Walt’s incredulous look and her, “Alright, I googled it,” were subtle comedic gold.

Ooooooo, that was a nice little shot.  Not quite foreshadowing, but showing Branch’s suspicions and sort of inviting the audience to share them.  Walt says his bit about the Army poisoning “Indian wells” to kill them off and get their land, and then we see Branch fiddling with the Four Arrows chip and narrow his eyes considering and slip the chip into his pocket, looking suspicious.  It’s a really neat little moment of visual storytelling, no lines, literally three seconds long, just sort of snuck in there, but super effective.  Really nicely done.

And again, Cady is in monochromatics.  And, shit, just gave Fales Henry’s name.  Aaaaaand right after, she realizes that the junkie was killed and realizes that it had to have been one of her dads (or so she thinks).

Sal’s monologue in the cell is a good emotional payoff that plays off of Vic’s comments towards the beginning of the episode.  I see the narrative worth of her making them, and how the structure of the episode benefits from it; but seeing those writing elements from the outside of the show doesn’t make me able to like her as a character who said them in-universe.  And then the threat Sal makes of vengeance on someone who killed one he loves also underscores the stuff with Cady’s investigation into her mother’s death very well.  As much as I gripe about the writing *cough S6 cough finale cough* there really is some damn good writing in this show, and I don’t show enough appreciation for it.

Huh, and now there’s a sort of inverse of that weird shot preceding Branch from earlier, but this one is much more effective and less off-putting.  This one [33:00] precedes Walt as he walks back into his office, still a medium close up, but it’s much steadier, and the way it is framed, it does quite a bit to convey his mindset, and he walks out of the shot and we see the three deputies following him in like baffled ducklings, making the shot serve another purpose, too.  Which honestly makes that earlier shaky follow shot of Branch even weirder, because this one was so much better.

And then Walt has his creepy little speech about how someone would want to watch the light go out of their eyes and not caring if you get caught.  I do appreciate that when he’s talking about the psychology of killing with poison he doesn’t just call it a “woman’s method” which media so often does.  It might have been the writers keeping who the killer was abstruse, but it was still more gender neutral.  Especially since according to The U. S. Department of Justice's report on Homicide Trends in the United States (1980 to 2008) of all poison killers in that time period, 60.5 percent were male and 39.5 percent female.  (Table 5 on page 10.)  So that long held idea that even Sherlock Holmes was written to have that poison is “of course” a woman’s weapon is pretty crap.

Awwww, the good old days when Walt paid attention to animals.  ...I am still bizarrely salty about the fact that he never named his horse.  What a good pupper!  

And then we have a classic example of Sneaky!Walt, which always takes people quite by surprise, because he’s usually as subtle as Miley Cyrus.

Also because when he does this, it tends to be pretty fucked up, in a Make Someone Think They’re About To Die way.  And then he does His Thing, where he just lays out all of his suppositions, with no proof, only the terror of her thinking that she’s been poisoned and you’re withholding medical intervention to get her to confess.  And is, irritatingly, correct about his theories.  But I’m pretty sure this qualifies as coercing a confession?  She thinks she’s fucking dying.  Even Vic looks at him like it’s fucked up, and her moral compass where he’s concerned is... skewed.

They way this reveal was played out, (”How’d they find her so fast?”  “Hard to say...”) is somewhat ambiguous as to whether it’s supposed to be that Branch went there to tell Jacob or not, but I kind of doubt it?  I kind of figure that the meeting that Jacob was having when Branch rambled in was already with Rosa signing the paperwork.  Jacob is smart.  So, HAH.  Little good your “can’t comment on an ongoing investigation” schtick did.

And then the news that someone in law enforcement has been asking after Henry.

“Lizzie was waiting for you here tonight.  You should talk to her, Walt.  She seems to think she is in a relationship with you.”  ....omgs.  The tone.  I mean, yes, the blisteringly glorious SASS, but how does one not read that as incredibly shippy?  Howwwww?

“You are an honest man, Walt.  I would like you to stay that way.”  Oh Henry.  When did you decide that you weren’t?  Was it when you hired Hector?  Or was there something before?  ...I feel like there were things before that.  Hello darkness my old friend.

“It is not your job to protect me.”  “It is my job...”  THOSE WERE THE DAYS.  Those were the fucking daaaaaays.  And the emotions on Henry’s face after Walt says, “That was my right,” as though Henry cheated him of something.  I am so deep in OT3 feels I cannot even see daylight here.  The feels of them having been an OT3 and then Walt pulling this shit, and Henry having to defend his own “right” to avenge Martha?  It wrecks me.  “A good woman was murdered.  A bad man is dead.  End of story.”  

[keyofjetwolf]

Just when you thought it was safe to be a piece of shit

I jumped into Season 5 of BoJack this morning, fresh from my rewatch of the entire series, start to finish. I’d already seen all the previous seasons, but it was a couple years ago; S4 was just wrapping up, and I hadn’t touched it since. Not for lack of interest! Quite the contrary, I thought season 4 particularly was some incredibly strong storytelling all around, and I was completely blown away by its penultimate episode “Time’s Arrow”. But there was Life And Things, and I didn’t make the time for S5, so I also didn’t watch S6 when it aired, and by the time I thought about picking it back up, I knew I’d want to rewatch the whole thing to put it all in context, which meant MORE time, and anyway, you can see where @docholligay​ was finally “Fuck it, I’m sponsoring this.”

All the impetus I needed, clearly. That rewatch I did, and I’m glad for it, as I’d forgotten so many details, AND how fucking good this show is. It’s funny and dark and incredibly uncomfortable in ways that aren’t always flattering, and I love it. I didn’t RE-rewatch “Time’s Arrow” before starting today, but I had to wrestle myself out of it, that’s how much I wanted to.

So it was with some surprise that I found myself not really enjoying Season 5 as much as was expecting.

I SHOULDN’T have expected to. That was my first mistake. We left BoJack in a really good place, with a smile and a hope and the opportunity to maybe maybe maybe finally crawl out of the pit he’s constantly trying to bury himself in. He didn’t have the responsibility of fatherhood, but the promise of brotherhood. Hollyhock is a pretty alright kid, fundamentally fucked up juuuust enough to remind him of himself, and with the kind of love and support he’s always craved. If she can be okay, then maybe he can be okay, too.

Or, from another angle, if she can be okay, then he’ll have the proof he’s always wanted that every bad thing he’s ever done wasn’t REALLY his fault.

OH BOJACK YOU ABSOLUTELY SHIT WILL YOU NEVER LEARN

Maybe at the end of the series you finally will, I don’t know. But certainly not right now. You can’t learn. You never learning is the point.

One of the strengths of the show, though, is how BoJack gets opportunity after opportunity after opportunity to NOT be a piece of shit. To be a better person, to not be so selfish and self-centered and lazy and spiteful and BAD. We know it’s in there! We get these incredible little flashes of the sort of person he could be, if he’d just try a little harder, if he’d just put in the effort to be better today than he was yesterday.

That was my mistake, coming in: BoJack ended Season 4 with the high, and like any good roller coaster, it’s the slow tip at the top that makes the plummet to the bottom so heady.

That’s these beginning episodes of Season 5. Setting the stage(s), arranging the pieces back on the board, getting everything in motion for the drop to come.

WHICH I THINK WE JUST HIT HARD

First, yay Ana Spanakopita! Second: OOO

I love SO hard how this is NOT GOING AWAY. Both in how the show has never played any of this as remotely okay, but also in how it haunts BoJack. It’s his lowest moment, and he’s using it as a finely crafted weapon to bludgeon himself. But WHILE ALSO taking a perverse sort of ... pride isn’t the right word, but desire to have MATTERED in some way, even if it was a truly awful way. His insistence that he’s ruined Penny’s life, despite all apparent evidence to the contrary (see also the incredible “That’s Too Much, Man!”, ps what is with this show and penultimate season enders??), carries a perverse need to have impacted her life, even if that impact was traumatizing for her. The idea that BoJack could have mattered so little is MORE abhorrent to him than the actions themselves.

THAT IS INDEED TOO MUCH MAN I SEE YOU SHOW

So now we have what I think is the last tip before we go into free fall. BoJack is trying (kinda) to drink less and be sober more. He’s trying (kinda) to be a good friend to Princess Carolyn and Diane. HE ACTUALLY CONNECTED SOME DOTS ALL ON HIS OWN ABOUT FEMINISM. That I put that in caps, by the way, further makes the show’s point about how low our bar is for men on this, and well fucking done, by the way, kudos.

Will all that ACTUALLY mean BoJack is going to do better? Well, that’s the question, isn’t it? He’s about to be tested again, another opportunity is approaching. What he’ll do with that is the entire show premise. But whichever path he takes this time would mean so much less without these slower episodes establishing for us where he, and everyone else, are standing. It’s a thing I dearly love about Bojack Horseman: it takes the time it needs to give you insight into where the characters are and what’s around them.

It gives the characters enough rope to hang themselves.

SPEAKING OF HOW’S THAT GOING FOR YOU DIANE

Diane is such an interesting character, in a show pretty much overflowing with interesting characters. She makes such a good compare/contrast with BoJack, in that it’s easy to look at Diane and say “What a good person!” She’s smart and funny, if awkward and plain (by Hollywoo standards). She’s socially and politically aware and cares about important issues. She wants to make the world better!

Only, does she? Much like BoJack, Diane is given opportunity after opportunity to Do Good, both personally and professionally. And she tries! (Most times, sort of.) It often blows up in her face, or isn’t what she expected, or it gets really hard, but she tries! Until she doesn’t. Until she runs back home, and can’t face her husband and the reality of her giving up, so she hides at BoJack’s house and stays drunk for months. Until she gets what she wants, and keeps getting what she wants, and then ruining it all because she never actually wanted it. and doesn’t know what to do once she has it anyway.

Like I said, she and BoJack can be frighteningly alike.

If I had to pick an overall favourite character, though, it’d probably be Princess Carolyn. 

Oh she’s fucked up too, but in a much more together sort of way. She’s as much the voice of reason as is anyone in this show, and I want her to get her little family SO MUCH. (Jesus wept, I forgot all about “Ruthie” until my rewatch and it PUNCHED ME IN THE FUCKING GUT.) These first few episodes though didn’t really do a hell of a lot for PC though, save for basically having her ONE AGAIN wound up in BoJack’s terrible, terrible orbit.

If that sounds like a complaint, it isn’t. I love the way the show explores the push and the pull, how it’s one thing to want to leave someone, to know you SHOULD leave someone, and yet how hard that can be. How even when you make that break, the potential to fall back into bad habits never really leaves you. EVERYTHING about this show is difficult, for everybody, all the time, and nothing good happens without effort.

Unless, of course, you’re Mr. Peanutbutter.

If you thought I’d love Mr. Peanutbutter, well, YOU’RE RIGHT I DO. And I’m DEEPLY interested in where ultimately his character is going to go. Of all the main characters, I feel he’s the one with the least depth to him, but then I think that’s the point, too. Every protagonist needs a foil, and for BoJack, that would be Mr. Peanutbutter, the guy who life has basically handed everything, including being generally too stupid to feel bad about anything, especially himself.

But that’s not entirely true. For all that he’s BoJack’s bright, sunny, charisma-filled opposite, no matter what he tried to do for Diane, it wasn’t enough. And as his third wife, it’s probably safe to say he tried hard with his previous wives too, with equal success. The show plays up the dog element of Mr. Peanutbutter a bit harder than it does many of the other animal people on the show, and included in that is how “his person” is the true center of Mr. PB’s world. But he can’t hold them, he can’t keep them wanting to be around him, and while it’s quickly undercut with a laugh, he more than once expressed genuine fear that Diane would leave him. Now she has, and while we’ve not yet seen any fallout from that (focusing instead on how he’s immediately found a new girlfriend), I strongly suspect we will.

I’m not sure if this “tough guy role” situation is going to go further than the episode in which it featured, but I DO think it has long-term potential as the latest in a string of things Mr. PB has wanted, but couldn’t make happen for himself, and how unusual that is for him. He’s the cheerful optimistic one, sure, but what does that mean when he’’s also never really felt any of life’s pressures to be otherwise?

Then there was Todd.

Todd, I pretty much never know what the fuck they’re going to do with you, and after these four episodes, I see we’re not going to change that now. I did some thinking on Todd though, on his place in what I feel are the show’s overarching themes, and I THINK Todd is by and large an example of what we should strive for. He’s kind and generous, he loves to help and is always there when people need him, and perhaps embodying what I think is the show’s greatest message, even when Todd fucks up, he keeps trying.

Of all the main characters, I think Todd has grown the most, to the point where he pretty much doesn’t even INTERACT with BoJack any more. (NOR SHOULD HE.) Todd is getting really good about setting (and enforcing!) his boundaries, to the point where he’s developing his own circle of characters outside of the show. They even make a fucking JOKE about it.

Every season, Todd is feeling like he fits in less with this show, but I don’t think that’s the show not knowing what to do with him, I think it’s by design. Todd is outgrowing this story, he’s moving on, and it’s hard not to be happy for him for that.

We’ll see, of course. We’re only four episodes in, and if we stick with my roller coaster analogy, there’s a whole lot of track left ahead of us. Wherever we’re set to go, the one thing I feel pretty confident in is that it won’t be a smooth ride for anyone.

[vickielou]

Home isn’t a place, It’s a feeling (Tom Holland Fanfiction)

Chapter One 

The cameras flashed everywhere around me, I tried to pretend I wasn’t anxious at the thought of being seen at this thing. Premier Nights weren’t my favourite part of being friends with actor. They filled me with a sense of anxiety that before Tom got famous I’d never felt before. I felt a hand at my elbow. “You look worse than Tom and he’s the one everyone came to see” Harry laughed. Harry Holland. Little shit. Twin #2. 

“I hate these things” I muttered, his hand tapped at my elbow in reassurance. I tried to find it reassuring. I failed. “You can hide behind me if you want” he offered, I think he noticed my unease. The uneven pattern of my breathing and most obvious, I was biting my nails like crazy, my mother was going to have a fit when she saw them. I smiled at Harry, I tried to smile like I wasn’t panicking but I think Harry saw straight through me. A side effect of spending so much time around the Holland Boys. “Thanks for the offer, but Sam is still my favourite twin” I replied, a joke seemed the right way to go. Harry sent me a dirty look. “He got you the guitar for Christmas three years ago, let it go,” He said shaking his head in disapproval. I snorted. 

He was right. Three years ago on Christmas day Sam Holland, other little shit and Twin #1 had gifted me a Fender FSR CC-60s Mahogany Concert Acoustic Guitar and it was still the light in my life. You would think that my best friend would have been the one that had bought me the greatest present I’d ever received but Tom didn’t understand guitars and we had a deal that meant that Tom wouldn’t buy me anything to do with music and I wouldn’t buy him anything to do with golf because I couldn’t understand golf to save my life. 

I’d been spending part of my Christmas holiday with the Hollands since I was 10 years old. My mother and Nikki had been neighbours (-and best friends!) as long as either of them could remember. My mother worked as a care assistant and more often than not she had to work 12-hour shifts around the Christmas period so I learned from a very young age that the Hollands were like a second family to me. Every time my mum had to work overtime to make ends meet or couldn’t come and get me from school because she just couldn’t get her half an hour break yet, I would go to the Hollands and looking back now that time I spent at their house became some of the best memories of my childhood. 

The cameras flashed again and the sound of the crowd outside the cinema got infinitely louder bringing me kicking and screaming back to the present. “Guess Tom’s here” I muttered. I heard the sound of tyres squealing outside and the sound of chanting got louder. Damn those fangirls and their seemingly infinite lung capacity. “Tom! Tom!” They shouted I leaned on the door frame and watched the scene unfold. At some point during Tom’s grand entrance, Harry went to find Sam and I was left alone. I wasn’t fond of being left alone but Sam was doing photographs for the premier and he needed help. The cinema seemed bigger than it had been all the times I’d been there before. Somehow leaning against the door waiting for my best friend to come waltzing through it, when he was done sighing autographs, the place seemed to be the size of the Blackpool Tower Ballroom. The dress that I’d squeezed myself in to for the occasion felt tighter than ever, my chest painfully constricted. 

I had been thinking about leaving when the door in front of me opened and a familiar face was hurried through by security men that were three times his size, that was saying a lot recently. Tom had been working his arse off in the gym and was around twice the size he used to be. 

I took my time to take in his appearance before he noticed me, his face was flushed. His navy suit was dishevelled, the grey shirt underneath was flecked with sweat and his hair was sticking to his forehead with the same sweat from running around signing autographs and taking pictures with the aforementioned fangirls.

“Tommy” I called, he jumped a mile and looked over to where I was standing by the door. I saw the relief cross over his face that I wasn’t someone he didn’t know watching him at what could be considered a vulnerable moment. I was the only person who could call him that. 

“Jules, thank god.” He smiled walking over, I watched his eyes take me in as he came closer. He reached out his hand for mine and I happily let him pull me towards where the crowd of people were heading towards the cinema room for the first showing of Toms new movie ‘ONWARD’. I’d heard most of the movie in the clips that Tom had messaged me whilst he was on set, I hadn’t actually seen the animation though and I was excited to see what he’d been making the months he’d been away. 

We sat in the seats towards the back, two seats on Tom’s left side were reserved for Sam and Harry when they finally got around to joining us. Tom’s arm immediately went around my shoulder, allowing me to lean back into his embrace. I’d missed this. Yeah, I’d seen him since he came back from New York but I hadn’t seen him for a while it was nice to have him close to me again. 

“I’m so glad you came” he was whispering, leaning closer to my ear, I felt his breath tickling the shell and I sighed happily. His breath smelt minty fresh like he’d brushed his teeth minutes ago but I hadn’t missed the gentle pop of his gum. Smart boy, no tuna breath on premiere night. “Wouldn’t be anywhere else” I replied. Tom’s gentle smile was the last thing I remember seeing before the lights went off and the opening credits to the film started. 

 Before anyone can say it, I know what you’re thinking. You lucky bitch. You’re best friends with Tom Holland. I understand that because Tom is one of the greatest guys that you’ll ever meet. But not for the reasons that most of the fangirls think. Yeah, the man was fucking gorgeous, I’m his best friend but I have eyes. Buffer than a Norse god and more swag that a billionaire playboy philanthropist but that wasn’t the reason that I was so lucky. I saw a side to him that most people didn’t, I saw sleepy Tom falling asleep in front of the TV watching reruns of F.R.I.E.N.D.S. I saw Tom shitting himself watching the remake of IT. I saw him crying over a puppy video on his Facebook and I saw him proudly smiling at his phone when he finally did something right on Instagram. He was and always had been a great guy. 

But enough about Tom, let’s get back to where we were. 

The premiere went better than expected and I loved the new film, Tom had the gall to laugh at me when I was sobbing towards the end of the movie. That earned him a punch to the stomach that Nikki would have been proud of. Stupid boy, I can’t get through a damn one of his movies without tearing up. Damn almost had a crying fit when I watched The Impossible. Now, remember I was around 13 when the premiere of that film happened and the thought of anything happening to Tom back then was more than my pimpley hormone fuelled heart could take. Tom had to come out of the premiere and hold me for twenty minutes whilst I sobbed, repeatedly reminding me it was a film and he wasn’t going to leave me anytime soon. Yeah, It wasn’t my proudest moment. It was one of my favourite Tom memories though. 

“So, What did you think?” Tom asked as the lights came back on. I looked up at him through my panda eyes where my mascara had run and gave him the dirtiest look I could manage. “You said it wasn’t sad” I accused, rubbing at my eyes profusely “You lied to me” 

“You cry at every one of my premieres, when are you going to learn to wear waterproof mascara?” Toma asked, pulling his sleeve down over his hand and taking a swipe at the mascara running down my cheeks.  “What’s life without a little risk?” I smirked, he shook his head at me, his hand gripping my chin tighter as he gently wiped my face, in the back of a movie theatre with the sleeve of his suit. Oh the class

“You have got to stop rewatching Harry Potter” He sighed

“Says the person who bought me the boxset” I returned. “Not to watch everyday” He laughed, seeming happy enough with his handiwork. He let go of my face. Part of me instantly missed his touch. “And I suppose a great muggle like yourself is going to stop me?” I laughed. Tom looked at me with great disapproval. Tom had never understood my obsession with Harry Potter. A diehard Marvel fan instead, there was no room in his head for anything except Spiderman. The more I think about it, the more I realise that him not being Spiderman for the MCU was utterly preposterous. The man had spiderman bedding, granted Paddy currently slept on those but still, the man lived and breathed Marvel. 

“You’re lucky I put up with your arse. Now, what did you actually think?” He asked standing up and holding his hand out to help me up and out of the mostly empty theatre.

“I love it” I smiled. “You really pulled at my heartstrings. Are you going to introduce me to Chris Pratt now?” I asked, fluttering my wet eyelashes at Tom in faux flirtation 

“And have to bail you out of prison after you flash at him? No chance” He laughed, gripping my hand tighter and scoffing at my flirtation persuasion attempt. “Indecent exposure is a misdemeanour, I’ll skip prison” I replied. “I’m still not introducing you, in fact. I’m skipping the afterparty all together” He smiled. We’d reached the door to the cinema. Everyone was pretty much gone. There were a few stragglers that were walking around talking on the phone or waiting for taxis home I imagined. There was a teenaged girl that looked up when she saw Tom and let out the most adorable squeak. I pulled on his hand and made him stop to take a picture with her, not that Tom needed forcing to be nice to his fans but Tom could be oblivious and she struck me as the type of girl that wouldn’t have the balls to come over and ask for a picture. 

“So, want me to drop you off?” he asked, sliding into the driver’s seat. I heard the leather screech and he settled himself comfortably and reached for his seatbelt. 

“To the house exactly three doors down from yours?” I laughed, sliding into the passenger’s seat and instantly reaching for the radio, turning on signal one on low. 

“Well actually,” He said pausing and waiting for me to fasten my seatbelt before starting the car “I was wondering if I could stay at your house tonight?” He asked. “My house? With my mother?” I asked, knowing that my mother wasn’t at the house but playing hard to get all the same. 

“Isn’t she working at the care home tonight?” He pointed out. The beams from the traffic lights bounced across his face as he drove and I found myself watching the patterns with interest. “I’m not sure if I should find it creepy that you know her rota or not, why are you planning on getting me alone?” I asked, regarding him with a fake expression of fear and distrust. 

“I want to spend time with my best friend, and also not be surrounded by my parents right now” He replied, his shoulders tensed at the mention of his parents and I instantly understood. “I see where this is going, Nikki still hasn’t come around to the idea of you moving out, has she?” I asked laughing, “She would come around to it a lot easier if you’d come live with me,” He said turning on to our street. The sight of the familiar street made my heart happy in a weird way. “And add fuel to our families attempts at marrying us off?” I asked. I watched the smirk stretch across his face, Tom found our parents inability to accept our friendship as what it was utterly hilarious, I, however, found every single attempt that they made to push us closer together completely humiliating. “Why ruin the habit of a lifetime?” He said as he parked perfectly in front of my house. I got out of the car in lieu of answering the question. I turned to head up the path my front garden, slowing my pace only slightly in order for Tom to catch up to me, and also because my feet were killing me in these heels. 

As I suspected, Tom appeared at my side within seconds and I sent him a bemused smile. I opened the door and headed inside. I kicked my heels off and turned around to hang my coat up, to find Tom still outside the door. I cocked my head at him in question. 

“What are you a vampire? Need an invite?” I asked. He didn’t laugh  

“You never actually said I could stay over,” He said in explanation, digging his feet in the dirt as if he actually expected me to deny him access to what I suspected has become like a second home to him too. He really was a perfect gentleman. 

“Come in, you fucking idiot”. I laughed. “You better not hog the blanket this time”

[dooofusrick]

I've been terribly sad lately. Like most of this generation I make jokes about wanting to die and like most of this generation I wish I did.

I haven't felt this way in a long time. In my younger days I was anxiety ridden, troubled and unsure of who I was and it made me emotional. My family says I am the angry on of the family (this includes my father who for most of my childhood drank and beat us.) I never felt like I was the angry or sad child. I was bullied a lot and didn't have a lot of friends and being anywhere new made me so nervous I would curl up into a ball and be sick, but I felt like a happy child.

Middle school the bullies got worse, I was physically getting hurt now and people lying/spreading rumors about me to the point where police where involved. I still never felt I was a sad child. I saw kids at school who would cry and scream and cut themselves and I was never like that. I would just be a nervous little freak who every now and them have a good cry. I didn't know why people bullied me, I was just being me and not hurting anyone but for some reason there was always someone trying to start something, trying to hurt me.

What they said never hurt me, they were never clever. They're punches or kicks never hurt for long, retribution always made it better. For every fractured or dislocated bone I received, they got much worse. What hurt was just their blind malicious intent. I never understood how people could hate something or someone for no reason.

High school was better but I hit puberty late and all of that teen angst and hormones hit me at once. Junior year was the year that everything hurt so much more. Finally realizing why other people hated me. They saw something that I didn't. They saw some weird little gay kid. Which was odd because since I hit puberty so late only close friends and teacher knew definitely what gender I was. People thought I was either a dyke or a flamboyant gay. Jokes on them I was never interested in relationships/sex.

But either way I was still bullied but not nearly much as before. But instead I for some reason hated myself, I hated life. It wasn't body image or my home life, it wasn't the fact that I was queer, it wasn't because I was getting bullied.

I just hated existing. I wished, so desperately wished I could have just vanished. That all memory of me and anything pertaining to me would just be gone. Because I knew my mom would be sad. I didn't want anyone to be sad. I just didn't want to be here.

But I didn't want to kill myself. I've never wanted to kill myself. That's not what I wanted. I wanted to cease to exist.

But there is no other way to achieve that. So in my junior year I decided I would leave. But then I hated myself even more because I had nothing to my name. I wasnt good at school, I dropped out of music because I couldn't focus for the life of me, I had nothing I was good at. Nothing that anyone could say that it was a pity my mom lost me since I was so good at something. So I decided I would at least be a high school graduate.

Then I graduated and my home life got even worse and my mom needed to leave but I couldn't let her go alone because she said she'd be so lonely. So I went with her and I couldnt let her feel so a lone because I love her so much. So I stayed. It wasn't so bad. Being somewhere new made me so nervous I never really left the bedroom my mom and I shared. I rewatched three movies over and over again for almost a year just so I could have something familiar in a place where I couldn't even speak the language.

I got a terrible stomach issue due to the anxiety I had living there but I did not feel like dying. I never spoke to anyone outside of my mom and a few relatives so I wasn't bullied. My mom was happy and that made me happy.

We came back to America and I started working to help us keep the house. It was hard, I mean the working was easy, the social aspect of a workplace was hard. Work is nice, its a routine. Coworkers not so much. For some reason people like to touch me. I do not like being touched. Before this, as far as I could remember only hugged my own mother a handful of times. I remember only hugging my father twice and never hugging my siblings.

People get mad when you can't relate to what they're talking about but they ignore what you're interested in as well. So I was largely ignored until I met my now husband. Then the bullies came back. They were friendly to me at first but they started to talk about me behind my back just because I was dating someone they liked. I was always so nervous because he would go and hang out with these girls who liked him and I never really had anyone who liked me in that way before I was afraid he'd leave me for these girls who had more in common with him.

The anxiety sprang back up, I loved him so much but it's so hard to read him I couldnt tell how much he actually liked me. I still can't tell to this day and we've been together almost eight years. I feel like I love him so much he couldn't possibly love me the same.

So for far too long I had this terrible anxiety where he would leave me. I had finally come to terms with myself but now I'm being bullied for it and people are actively trying to ruin my relationship. It got even worse because for a moment I was voluntarily homeless because my dad tried to hurt me and my family was blaming me. They all said I shouldn't have provoked him when all I did was glare at him when he made fun of me. All I did was glare and he tackled and choked me causing me to hit my head against the tub. I was being bullied at work and at home. I was homeless and our relationship was too new to ask to live with him. I thought he'd finally leave me because who wants to be with a homeless person. I went to the doctor because I was experiencing what I now know were anxiety attacks. She recommended a doctor to me who then recommended another doctor who then diagnosed me with ASD and an anxiety disorder

But things got better. My dad was really trying to quit drinking and our relationship got better. My bullies turned on each other and forgot about me. He told me that he loved me. I got a better job. He moved in with me.

Things got so much better. My dad stopped drinking and finally him and my mom could live in the same house without fear. My anxiety while not completely gone was manageable and as you get older and people mature there are less bullies. There are still some but they're easier to ignore.

Then everyone started dying. My great aunt, my dad, my aunt, my mom's dad all my beloved animals. My dad hit me the worst because I've always loved him. Even when he was his meanest I always loved him so much. He always tried to provide the best for us and if it wasn't for his drinking he would have been the perfect dad. We could have had such a great relationship, he was finally involved in our lives. It's been almost three years since he's passed and it still hurts so much. I didn't get to say goodbye to him or to my aunt and I'll never see them again. They were both so strong.

I don't think I ever recovered from my dad dying. I've been happy, how could I not be? I'm married to the man I love, I have a roof over my head and a job I enjoy. But there's been a deep sadness. It's just been there and I've been ignoring it. But this passed month it's come full force. This passed week it's back. I want to die.

I am just so tired. I don't know why. I'm tired and I'm scared because almost my entire family have clinical depression. I don't want to end up like that. I don't want to take medicine that symptoms that are just as bad as the sickness. I don't want to put my husband through taking care of me more than he already is.

I'm just tired and I want to feel happy. I don't want to wish for death. I don't want to sit here crying for no reason. I can already feel it getting worse.

[theanimeview]

The Summer of Online Anime Cons - Review!

By: Peggy Sue Wood | @peggyseditorial​

OKAY. This review has been way overdue, but in my defense, I wanted to wait until Summer was officially over, and for me, that meant the Crunchyroll Expo needed to happen before making this post. So let's get into it:

This summer, in addition to the Big Three Anime Weekend (where people could attend Anime Expo Lite, Funimation Con 2020, and Aniplex Online Fest all at once), we also had Comic-Con, the Virtual Crunchyroll Expo, and several other small conferences happening online like the Toonami special. 

The events I "attended" happened to all be free (woohoo!), and to be perfectly honest: I LOVED it. I hope that they have more virtual conventions like these in the future.  It's not because I don't love in-person and live conventions. I mean, anyone that knows me personally knows that I love conventions, traveling, dressing up, and more. I am a massive nerd for literary/professional/writing conferences and actively seek them out to attend throughout the year (if not present at them). I love anime conventions just as much and see them as a way to geek out with people from all over the world who share the same interests I do (and often know the niche anime/manga/webcomic/etc. that so few of my regular friends know about or have any interest in seeing!). 

However, I think that Anime Expo has seriously fallen apart in recent years. It's something I've been more than vocal about in the past, like last year. Last year, as much as I did have fun, the convention space was overly crowded. AX is one of the largest anime conventions in the US, and overcrowding isn't unexpected given the size of it; however, since 2017, the convention has gone from simply full/crowded to claustrophobia-inducing. Enough so that someone like me, who had never felt claustrophobia before in their life, became overwhelmed and physically ill due to the number of people touching me on all sides as we attempted to shimmy down packed hallways. As a reference, I usually love enclosed and or crowded spaces--like, my mom and I frequented packed swap-meets as a child that I loved navigating. I also grew up with six older siblings, in a home next to Disneyland... so, like, crowds are not an issue for me, which is why I never expected to feel the level of anxiety I did in that horrible 2017 crowd, which repeated in AX 2019.

Add on to that panel experience: whereas before people could and would regularly slip in and out of panels with lines sometimes being outside the door for smaller rooms with more popular content, now the lines for most programs are often placed outside, in the heat, with attendees asked to line up sometimes hours in advance to have even a chance of attending. To my knowledge, Sakura-Con and several other conventions I've gone to in the last few years don't have that problem, and it's a fair guess as to why but let's leave that topic for another day.

By comparison, the virtual convention was a breeze! Yes, sometimes I had to sacrifice going to one panel over another, but who hasn't had to do that at conventions before? Ultimately, I could enjoy the panels from the comfort of my own home in PJs. I didn't need to worry about food, overheating in the sun, or finding the bathroom while at my house. I didn't get to meet new people (😥), but I did get to "attend" with friends of mine that can't go to conventions regularly for health reasons.

My major criticism of the virtual conventions can be summed up pretty easily. One issue I found was that the scheduling of three digital-conventions in one weekend was far too tight, but that was quickly mediated by the Funimation and Aniplex groups banding-together and merging the events so that Day 2 of FC2020 was a split with AOF2020. Another criticism I had is the lack of shopping--but I'm sure my wallet and bank account were relieved to find that I was much too entranced in panels to care about putting my cards through a ringer. I thought I would be upset by panel cancellations, but since virtual conventions are new and since panel cancellations happen at live conventions too, I can't say I'm all that upset by them. Not to mention how easy it was to handle such cancellations online when you have many more panels to attend freely.

What was probably most upsetting was, at times, the layout. Of all the conventions, I think AX and Comic-Con did the best job with panel layout. AX used Twitch live streams, YouTube, and a handful of unique call-in panels that were easy to navigate. More frustrating was the ever-changing schedule times at AX, but that happens (mainly when you are one of the first conferences navigating the online-field and thereby making all the first mistakes). Ultimately, it was EASY to get to the right "room" for the right panel. It helped too that their schedule was frequently updated, so it was rarely a question of "which room?" and "when does this thing start?" Comic-Con, which featured all their panels on pre-scheduled youtube posts, was similarly easy to navigate and enjoy. Frankly, I preferred the use of YouTube as Comic Con's primary platform for distribution more, but that's just because I enjoy being able to go back and rewatch things later.

Funimation and Aniplex suffered a bit by not updating their schedules consistently. For example, Funimation kept listing panels for Day 2 in the room merged with the Aniplex Online Fest live-stream, leaving me (and I'm sure a few others) to wonder what in the world happened to all those disappearing panels. Though, I'm sad to say that Crunchyroll Expo had it way worse. Their different "rooms" attempted to allow for many panels and multiple languages, and it suffered due to the way they handled this, among other complications. The way things were labeled for different languages meant you either had to search through the individual tabs to make sure you wouldn't miss anything, or sift through all of it at once. There was no in-between. You also wouldn't know which panel was whereafter it aired, meaning things got lost easily. Sometimes I wouldn't even know what panel was canceled, rescheduled, or entirely overlooked by me! This issue is difficult for me to find acceptable, as the Crunchyroll Expo happened months after other conventions and had arguably more time to review platform options and layouts for their digital conference. It almost felt like they were aiming for a "different just to be different" feel ultimately at the cost of user experience, which is crazy since Crunchyroll is one of the largest online anime streaming platforms in the US abroad. It would have been better for them to publish their pre-recorded panels similar to episodes of a show that people could scroll through than the disorganized mess that their expo "stages" tried to do.

With that said, let’s focus on content. 

Panels were the main focus of these conventions (obviously), and content-wise, they did NOT disappoint. AX hit HUGE on the industry panels from major licensing and publishing companies in the US and Japan. They also had the most in terms of interesting focuses. There was a healthy mix of fan panels, culture panels, industry panels, and such, meaning someone could find something of interest in nearly every hour. In fact, at the time, Casea (@madamekrow) and I were in a real panic about how to watch everything we wanted to watch. You could tell that a lot of thought had gone into making this thing work given how quickly they had to switch from live to digital, and I appreciate that. FC2020 and AOF2020, by comparison, were not as reliable in terms of those profession-based and fan-based panels, and given that they are mainly licensers of anime rather than convention planners, it makes sense. They were also up against a convention with a long history (BTW, AX celebrates 30 years in 2021). That's not to say they didn't come to the table without the cards. 

FC2020 brought it home with premiere screenings of animes to come. My favorite of their premiere list is By The Grace of The gods, set to come out in October of 2020. Meanwhile, AOF2020 lacked premieres, professional and fan-based panels but made up for it with entertainment of a different kind. They hosted all-night marathons of popular works they license, held a digital concert, and unintentionally perhaps, generally gave a place to "chill" between the stressful jumping from panel to panel. In conclusion of the Big Three Weekend, they gave the summer a phenomenal start!

Next up is Comic-Con. In my opinion, their panels were heavily movie-based as opposed to print-media comics, manga, or anime. Yes, of course, there were plenty of comic panels too, but they weren't the same as what we saw during AX, FC2020, or AOF2020. The feel was different--maybe because of content. Regardless, it was interesting. I enjoyed much of the industry-related panels, like "Manga Publishing Industry Roundtable" and "How to Thrive as an Indie Comics Creator Now!" (I mentioned before I'm a publishing nerd, right?) Perhaps most preferable to me is that the Comic-Con panels are still available on their YouTube channel, which means that unlike many other conventions, I can share the panels with friends interested in a particular series, subject, or person. I LOVE that. Share-ability is huge, and I think Comic-Con was smart to make their content available moving forward. It has certainly been great for my film-loving friends and our team members here at The Anime View (like Jenna @jkmorgan-media​).  

Lastly, Crunchyroll Expo. What can I say about this one? The panels were huge variables. I know that everyone on our team found them to be a mixed bag, myself included, as Crunchyroll opened up to fans hosting panels. This was great, in my opinion, but with that comes a bit of criticism. Some fan panels were polished, exciting, and engaging. I loved many of the mecha panels. I also loved some that were engaging discussions of a topic between people that were close friends. HOWEVER, with that came just as many who were new to public speaking, hadn't prepared much of anything and just recorded an awkward Zoom call, or worse (it's hard to describe how).

As for the smaller conferences like the mini-Toonami Con during Adult Swim’s digital conference, I don’t really have anythings specific to say so I’ll be leaving them out of this review. 

I don't want to shoot down any of the fans that hosted panels despite this negative review. It's HARD to present at conferences, and for some, it's even harder when they know they are being recorded. I remember my first conference where I stared at my paper the whole time and had to be asked to raise my voice twice for people to hear, while my friend aimed my phone at me to record the mortifying presentation for my mother. I don't blame the people that had a hard time doing this, and I fully support Crunchyroll for giving fans, particularly young ones, the platform and experience to do this. Some of those panels were very interesting, despite the presenter's awkwardness. Controversially, the handful that made no effort (and you could tell which), I don't extend that empathy.

For me, panels quality has nothing to do with camera work, lighting, or even sound in some cases (for the most part, as long as you can hear the words--awesome). I didn't need to see spot-on PowerPoint slides, anime clips to fit the conversation or hyperactivity. To me, it was all about what was being said or not said. One panel that comes to mind that I aimed to attend was about picking the right anime for you or a friend. I ended up ditching half-way through. It was, sorry to say, terrible. The hosts definitely had the energy and passion to discuss anime and interesting subjects beyond their approach to the idea of recommendations. 

For example, they spent a reasonable amount of time comparing how they grew up experiencing anime to how many people now entering the fandom have come to know it. They started by describing how they watching anime on a handful of VHS rentals from BlockBusters, while many people in my (Peggy's) "anime generation" grew up in the age of fansubs and illegal uploads; meanwhile, my (Peggy's again) niece grew up experiencing all of her anime through legal online licensing services like Netflix, Funimation, Crunchyroll, etc. After discussing that difference, they mentioned briefly (as in one time in a single sentence) that the popularity of a particular genre in anime when you entered may affect what you find most interesting before completely undercutting themselves to say that you can't recommend anything to anyone because people always think about what they like first. (I hate to break it to them, but I find it pretty easy to recommend things based on my friends' stated interests in past series. Maybe that's because I watch almost everything of every genre in anime, but also--it's not rocket science. If your friend likes thrilling action movies, you can probably name a few thrilling action animes to satisfy their interest.) It felt as though the panel's title was misleading when the answer to recommending anime is "you can't." (when, in fact, you can with little to no complications!)

Overall, for me, AX takes the crown in terms of content. They had a fantastic mix of everything you hope to see at a comic convention in addition to making it fun. Comic-Con takes the crown for best platform use and layout (AX takes a close second and Aniplex/Funimation sharing third)... Crunchyroll doesn't rank in this category. Aniplex/Funimation shares the title of Best Entertainment. Crunchyroll takes the crown for fan inclusion into the presentation spotlight. They're all winners, but if I really had to rank them, it'd be this:

Anime Expo - Title: Content is King  👑

Comic-Con - Best Platform/Layout

Aniplex/Funimation (Sharing is caring) - Best Entertainment

Crunchyroll - Best Fan Inclusion

With that, I conclude my long drafted review. Thank you for your patience, and I'll see you all next week in another post!

[asiryn]

this post is going to be very rambly, so i apologize in advance. if you’re potentially interested in my liveblogs, and/or interested in hearing a bit about my current life and disability issues, tune in. if you aren’t, then....keep scrolling i guess XD

(if you just want the current liveblog schedule, scroll to the bottom)

[and this got predictably very long, so i’m gonna put it behind a cut for convenience] 

up to recently, my main liveblogs have been about the pokemon anime, with a few other shows, books, and especially video games sprinkled in here and there. essentially, waaaay back in yonder year of 2014, netflix added the first season of pokemon, the indigo league, to their site, and i, in a fit of nostalgia, made the veeery questionable decision to watch all of the pokemon anime---rewatching the stuff i hadn’t touched since i was kid, and then continuing on into the unknown, and watching all the seasons from gen 3 onward that i had missed due to dropping out of pokemon. i only really started actually making liveblog posts once i hit gen 3, then i stayed consistent-ish from then onward. (for the curious, i’m up to sun & moon, and i have 44 episodes left until i finish it (i’m not ready ;;;; ), and then netflix actually just dropped the first 12 episodes of the newest series, pokemon journeys, so....56 until i’ve caught up with the dub XD)

so, all of y’all who climbed aboard with those liveblogs are probably already aware of Who I Am, at least a little. (....this is making it sound like i’m Some Big Name in liveblogging, but i’m not really anything of the sort, just so we’re all on the same page XD) at least, in terms of the fact that i’m physically disabled, suffer from chronic pain, etc. but recently, i’ve joined two new fandoms, and i’ve begun liveblogging spop and my next life as a villainess. and my spop posts in particular are already becoming some of the most popular posts i’ve ever done (like wow, you guys). and i think part of that popularity is due to the fact that these are two pretty recent, pretty popular fandoms (tho i do also like to think that i do make good content XP). but the point is that quite a lot of new ppl are coming across me, and idk how much, if any, of you have taken the time to look at my bio or anything. so i guess....part of this post is just some ruminations, but also my way of letting you know more of what you’re getting into. 

so, for those who don’t know: hi, you can call me kiryn, i liveblog stuff sometimes, and i’m physically disabled. i suffer from intense, constant, chronic pain. it stems from a bone disease called HME, or hereditary multiple exostosis, if you’re curious (i have a severe case of it, joy of joys). the short version of what that means is that i have a lot of bone spurs everywhere on my body, and they....cause me a lot of pain. basically, i cannot do any kind of sustained activity without the already significant, never-ceasing pain that i feel cranking up to unbearable levels, and basically i’ll be rendered immobile. i do have pain meds that i take, and that very much help to take the edge off, and make it so that i can function at all (bc, believe fucking me, w/o them, i wouldn’t be able to achieve even the little i can do), but even with them, it only makes a dent in my pain levels, and again, sustained activity makes up that difference very quickly. 

now, the gist of this stuff i’ll mention from time to time, but....i don’t usually go into much detail about it (and this post is probably the most detailed i’ve been about my condition in years). bc, quite frankly, it’s depressing. (and seeing as i also already have clinical depression, that’s definitely not something that i need more of XD) i participate in fandoms for escapism, and bc i don’t really want to think about that crushing mountain of reality. i’ve had this condition since birth, and i’ve literally lived my entire life in constant pain, and i honestly have no fucking idea what it even feels like to be painless. and what’s even worse is that it’s a degenerative disease---essentially, the bone spurs are wearing down my joints, so....my entire condition will just keep worsening as i get older. (and no, surgery to remove the spurs isn’t really an option.) i’ll be 29 next month, and i can already tell you, i’ve been feeling that decline sharply. when i was a kid, i could still run. by the time i was a teenager, i couldn’t even do that anymore; the best i could manage was a jog. now....i don’t think i could even do that. 

i guess the main point in why i’m saying all this, is that for the last year especially, i’ve been dealing with the worst downward swing that i’ve had in years. in my late teens and early-mid 20s, i got into a pretty good rhythm, of knowing my body’s limits, how to budget spoons to accomplish things, etc. but now even that fragile equilibrium has been thrown out the window, and i’m currently struggling to learn the new limits and rhythm of this downward swing that is unfortunately now my reality. even before, i was pretty limited on what i could accomplish, but even that narrow window has shrunk even further. so basically, i’m in the testing zone still. and it’s a very slow process, bc once i exceed the limit, my body breaks down, and now it takes me even longer to recover. as an example, i used to know that i could wake up in the morning and get ready to leave the house in 20-30 mins. now? i need at least an hour, which involves me pushing through a wave of agony to be able to take my pain meds in the first place, and then wait for those meds to kick in and the pain to die down enough to move without feeling like i’m moving through a wall of spikes. (and that’s just the start of every day for me, and before even throwing in all of the other variables)

so, coming back to the liveblogs......obviously, that’s affected by all this too. if you’ve wondered why there’s been a gap between me finishing up spop s1 and starting s2....that’s why. partly, i didn’t expect how analysis-heavy i was going to get on spop; pokeani just doesn’t tend to be as consistently thematically deep, so those liveblogs took far less out of me than spop has, and pushing myself to finish 5 episodes in one day....well, it was too much. and the thing is, it’s obviously unhealthy for me to continually push myself to the point of total breakdown, so...that’s where learning my new limits comes in. so, these past few days, i’ve been thinking, and essentially trying to better figure out how to do liveblogs like this without pretty much killing myself in the process (bc i honestly do love making them....i mean, if i didn’t, then it really wouldn’t be worth the literal pain it takes to make them XD). and also there’s a component of managing my anxiety-brain, bc leaving things Unfinished stresses me out, and so when coming to terms with the fact that it’s going to take me awhile to finish one show....knowing that i’d be leaving others hanging....Doesn’t Help XD

so, here’s what i’ve got so far (and obvs, this is subject to much tweaking in the future XP)

currently, i’m watching 4 shows: pokeani, good omens, villainess, and spop. villainess rn is the least of my worries, bc 1 ep is coming out a week, so it’s not demanding a lot of my time. 

for the other 3, here’s the preliminary schedule i’ve sort of hashed out:

- pokeani sm103-106

- spop s2

- pokeani sm107-110

- spop s3 

- pokeani sm111-114

- spop s4

- pokeani sm115-118

- spop s5 

- pokeani sm119-122

- good omens

- pokeani sm123-126

- [catch up block] (i don’t have a good track record in keeping up with ongoing shows, so if i fall behind on villainess, this is where i can catch up)

- finish pokeani sun & moon [sm127-146] (the league starts on ep 128, so i’d rather not experience any big interruptions in the battles XD)

basically, i’ve given myself a limit of 4 pokeani eps in a single session (bc as stated, they don’t take as much out of me), and with spop, the most i’ll let myself watch in a row will be 3 eps (s2 will probably be broken up into a 3/2/2 block, s3 a 3/3 block, and s4&5 will be a 3/3/3/2/2 block).

now, keep in mind that i’m very deliberately making no guarantees about specific days, bc who even knows, but at the very least, scheduling and talking it all out like this will help me to better manage my spoons, and if you’ve actually read this far, then you’ll know the method in the madness and why i’m doing things this way. XD the vague goal is to get in a least 1 liveblog session a week (plus a bonus of the new villainess ep on saturdays)---at least for the shows. i’m still having to working out what i’m going to do about video games....maybe i should just go on a ‘once a week’ model for all my hobbies across the board XDD

in the next couple of days, i’ll be posting that in-depth look into all the ships of villainess (it started as me just pecking down a few thoughts while i was taking a social media break due to the Current Events, but now i’m at the point where i’m like, i’ve put too much effort into this to not post it, damn it XP), and then depending on spoons, i’ll try to start in on that schedule this week, so stay tuned for some pokeani! (again....i’ll try to hit at least 1 liveblog a week before i start trying to get more ambitious XDD)

in any case, if you have stuck through to the end, thank you very much. your support means a lot to me 💖

[dearmrsawyer]

Dearest Jamila, I always see you reblogging gifsets and posts about all these amazing shows, many of which i also love. I was wondering, could you please take the moment to tell me your favourite TV shows? by whatever metric you wish and if you need to separate them out by animated/live action or any way that works for you please do. Top five maybe? Or just some of your faves you wanna yell about

Le it was so nice of you to ask this!!! TV has a secondary presence on my blog since i’m not creatively involved in those fandoms (anymore), plus some of them don’t really have much tumblr content. But my love for them hasn’t lessened by any measure! I wouldn’t call this an organised post, i’m sorry this is so long, and please tell me every single show we have in common.

All time favs:

Lost: #1 fav and probably always will be. The most engaging, exciting, stimulating, rewarding tv experience of my life. 15yo Jamila used to record every episode off tv each week (this was pre my downloading days) and rewatch it at least three times during the week with a notebook in hand, writing down all my theories and every piece of information or characterisation that i thought was important before the next episode aired. It’s not a show for everyone and that’s okay! But i do still have to put a great deal of effort into repressing my defensive instincts whenever i believe someone has misrepresented it LOL. In my opinion, the most incredible character journeys and story building, i loved every single discovery and answer and open question, and don’t have a single complaint about any of it. It was perfect! I got everything i wanted and they served the story perfectly! The best writing i’ve ever had the joy to watch! Both my blog and my cat’s namesake come from Lost lol.

Supernatural: the other main tv show in my life! I’ve been writing emotional tags the last few months because we’re nearing the midpoint of the final season, and i have no idea what life looks like without Spn running in the background. It started when i was FOURTEEN, and i watched most of the first season in 4-part 10 minute Youtube videos. It’s been something of a constant for me, all of teen life and adult life so far. I learned how i like to engage with fan content and what it’s like to be part of a fan community, i learned what kinds of stories i love, and what i wanted to look for in other media. I know the world is sick of it but i truly believe it has told interesting and emotional and clever stories, and i’m grateful for every single year we’ve had.

Fringe: the closest we are ever gonna get to the Lost experience 2.0. So wonderfully weird and surprising and entertaining!! The best way i can explain my love for Fringe is to say that in every. single. episode. there is at least one moment in which i just can’t look at the screen because it is so disgusting, and yet not once did i ever consider i should stop watching. Me and my weak stomach were not going anywhere, and i think that’s love lol. I love scifi that’s like, trying to pretend its real science. Like me watching Fringe is simply “shouldn’t this work in real life? it seems like it works.” There are BEAUTIFUL emotional journeys from the very first episode, and like Lost there were many times i pulled out my notebook to write down thoughts/theories!

Community: oh my god the funniest comedy show ever written, would literally abandon every other show with a 20-minute run-time without hesitation to keep this one. i love it because like, its a real-world show, but also is it? It’s not fantasy or anything, but like… isn’t it? It just does the most out-of-the-blue stories, its parody humour is brilliant, is so STUPID and so SMART at the same time. I think it’s really hard to be stupid and smart at the same time. There are so many jokes happening constantly, every single situation, piece of dialogue, facial expression, camera framing, is a joke. Everything that happens is a joke and it’s all happening at once and its almost like information overload on humour but i want it, please overload me. 

Chuck: one of the most fun shows i’ve ever seen. just SO fun!!! so silly!! but also really touching and heartfelt!!! i think that maybe Chuck Bartowski is my tv soulmate? i don’t want to say definitely but i feel like he maybe is. I just love the premise of the show, i love the way storylines work around each other, i love all the characters, i love that the show is so kind. Also sometimes the things that happen are just so dumb jgkld but the show like. Knows it? It’s like here we’re doing this dumb thing come with us! And i’m like yes i will come with you, thank you for inviting me! I would describe it as a family-friendly drama which is like, smack-bang in the middle of my entertainment comfort zone. 

So those are my Big Five. Obviously Supernatural is the only one still running, so my top priorities in the current tv landscape are:

Supernatural

The Flash (look i don’t talk anywhere near enough about how much i love and enjoy this show, MORE FAMILY FRIENDLY FUN)

Supergirl (even more family friendly fun! i love fun for the family! even though i watch everything on my own!)

Agents of Shield (MORE. FAMILY. FUN. Ft. my actual family and also my best daughter Jemma Simmons, next year is the last season of this too :’/)

The Dragon Prince (i NEED animated content in my diet and i’m being very well nourished, that new season oh my god)

Voltron (this has finished but it was so recent that in my heart its still here in this current landscape with me ;__;)

A few honourable mentions that had a huge impact on me, even though they’re not in my top 5!: Seinfeld (raised me), Gilmore Girls (changed me), Stargate (all of them! every Stargate!), Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood (hurt me)

[kechiarts]

Warning!! Long post ahead (LOL)

I’ve been meaning to do one of these for a while now. Quite a few friends and followers have asked me ‘what big influences can you think of that have inspired you as an artist/creator?’

A lot of movies, games, books, tv series, artists, and writers have influenced my drawing style and storytelling - some of them more so than others. (As represented by the larger squares in the image)

So here we go!! The numbers for each inspiration were chosen at random, the order doesn’t have any significance lol

1. Cardcaptor Sakura - (and the works of CLAMP in general I suppose because I read them all) Cardcaptor Sakura wasn’t my first manga but it holds a really special place in my heart because it’s lore and depictions of love has influenced my storytelling a LOT. I was obsessed with CLAMP and their art style when I was young to the point I would trace their drawings to learn and emulate their style.  To this day I feel like it left a big impact on my art style especially.

2. Cyborg 009 - When I was a kid my parents told me and my brother that we couldn’t afford cable TV and reduced our service to the news channels and public broadcasting.  We didn’t have cable TV for several years and when we finally got it back when I was 12, one of the FIRST TV programs I saw was Cyborg 009. I was just beginning to understand what anime was, since the only anime I’d seen was before our cable got cut, and I was so young I didn’t know it WAS anime. I immediately fell in love with Cyborg 009. I  loved the characters, the story, everything - and I still do! It was the beginning of my exploration of the anime genre as a whole haha

3. ‘The Twelve Kingdoms’ book series  - Around the same time I started watching Cyborg 009, I began getting into manga. While browsing the section in the bookstore one day I came across the first novel in The Twelve Kingdoms series. I was surprised to find a novel in the manga section and decided to browse through it. I couldn’t put it down! The rich world building and storytelling pulled me in and left me wanting more. I devoured the entire book series and the way the world was brought to life really stuck with me and influenced my own world building.

4. Final Fantasy Crystal Chronicles - my very first Final Fantasy game, and it was a spinoff title to boot! I was drawn in by the dark, melancholic world and cute graphics. I played this game a lot with my friends and even though multiplayer was a nightmare to set up, we had so much fun. I wasn’t able to beat it until I was 16, and the story left me in tears. The Crystal Chronicles games as  whole have left a HUGE impact on me, but the first one especially so.

5. Sonic the Hedgehog - My first game ever! My brother and I first played Sonic the Hedgehog 2 when we were around 3 or 4 years old. We were hooked on our parent’s Sega Genesis system and Sonic was our favorite! When we’d get home from school we’d fight over who got to play first in single player, eventually we settled on a system, My brother would play sonic, and since Tails couldn’t die even if he ran out of rings, I would fight all the boss battles as Tails while my brother tried to keep Sonic out of the way. Using this system we made it all the way up to Metal Sonic but could never beat him. We’d have 99 lives too because we knew ALL the secrets of the game LOL. I’ve played most of the Sonic titles since then, including my favorite, Sonic Adventure 2: Battle.  

6. Sailor Moon - my ‘first’ anime. I was very young when I first saw this anime. I didn’t even know what anime was! But the portrayal of girl power and how strong all the female characters were really stuck out to me, raised as I was in a women-are-inferior-and-should-serve-their-husbands religious household. Sailor Jupiter was my favorite because she was a tomboy and wore ponytails just like me haha

7. Fullmetal Alchemist - I think I’ve touched on this before, but I have had really weak bones since I was a little kid. In middle school I was constantly on and off of crutches or in and out of wheelchairs with broken bones and such. (I blame being a huge clutz) It got to the point my classmates started calling me ‘calamity Jane’ and making fun of me. To that dorky middle school girl with crutches and leg braces, Edward Elric was my HERO. Disability representation matters folks! It certainly helped me through a rough time in my life.

8. The works of Studio Ghibli - My first Ghibli movie was My Neighbor Totoro, and I’ve been hooked ever since. I actually managed to get my mom into them too, so now we can have mother/daughter quality bonding time over new Ghibli movies when they come out. It gives us a lot of fond memories together and I enjoy those times I get to spend with her. Mom and I may not see eye to eye all the time, but I truly treasure the memories I have of watching Ghibli films with her.

9. Odin Sphere - This one is more recent, and one I blame @heebiejeebiejade for. I love everything about it. The story, the art, the characters!   It tore my heart out and the writing is just superb I love it so much. and the ART my god it’s so beautiful.

10. Final Fantasy Crystal Chronicles the Crystal Bearers - I decided I needed to make this one separate from the earlier Crystal Chronicles section. Mostly because this game HEAVILY influenced and changed my life. Not only is it my favorite game ever, it brought me to many of my current friendships! If not for this game I never would have met @heebiejeebiejade @killerkitty4 @indestructiblemoog @shadyfolk @ninjamonkeystudios and SOOOOO many others. These friendships mean a great deal to me. They’ve changed and shaped who I am today and I’m truly grateful for them, and they never would have been possible without Crystal Bearers.

11. Dragonball - Another one of those I never knew it was Anime cartoons I watched as a young child. I loved Dragonball and later Dragonball Z. The characters, the storytelling, the fight scenes, I loved it all because it was so different from what I was used to seeing in American cartoons. My brother and I would have Super Saiyan battles in our backyard throwing Kamehamehas at each other and laughing and generally annoying our neighbors XD

12. Over the Garden Wall - Another more recent influence. Over the Garden Wall was one of the first new cartoons that grabbed my attention due to it’s great pacing and creepy Americana storytelling. Mysteries, ghosts, the afterlife, purgatory, this show dealt with a lot of creepy things while simultaneously making it funny and endearing. I rewatch it often and it’s one of my favorites.

13. Legend of Mana and the Seiken Densetsu Series - Again, I blame @heebiejeebiejade entirely for this. She sent me a huge box with every game in the Seiken Densetsu series in it along with the guidebooks saying “you HAVE to play these.” I knew she liked them so I gave them a try and YEP as per usual with anything Jade introduces me to, they COMPLETELY DESTROYED ME. Love, sacrifice, life, death, and rebirth, are a huge part of these title’s storytelling and they drew me in completely. Legend of Mana and Dawn of Mana especially. Their world building and plot devices may or may not have heavily influence my own XD

14. The ‘Stravaganza’ book series - The first time I picked up a Stravaganza book title was when I was twelve and found this really shiny book in a used bookstore for $3. It featured a picture of Venice, and a pair of violet eyes staring at you from behind a shiny silver mask on the cover. I’m not sure why It spoke to me, it just did. I bought it and finished it within a day. That book was titled City of Masks and I loved it a lot! And then I found out there were more! An entire series! The books featured time travel and dimensional travel, espionage and intrigue! I read and devoured them all and to this day I hold out hope for a final volume to finish the series.

15. Avatar: the Last Airbender - At age 12 I dismissed Avatar as a kid show originally. I scoffed at it and laughed at my little brother for being so into it. Then I saw the first episode. And it was then that I knew what a mistake I had made. I know a LOT of people love Avatar, and for good reason! I don’t have to go super in-depth here because I’m sure most of you already know how great it is. It’s definitely influenced both my art style and my storytelling.

16. Hikaru no Go - This one’s special. When I was in high school I was bullied a LOT. Like, people writing DIE YOU WHORE in my textbooks and putting thumb tacks in my gym shoes kind of bullying. They’d touch me and then pretended that they’d die of the plague. That if anyone had a crush on me they were worse than trash. The kind of bullying that made me a bit suicidal in my teen years. Lucky for me my mother had bought me a copy of Monthly Shonen Jump in early 2005, She knew that I liked manga and thought it would be the perfect magazine gift for me for valentine’s day. Boy was she right and one of the manga featured in it was Hikaru no Go. I loved the art style, and the storytelling. I was instantly captivated by the characters and I wanted to know what happened next. I soon subscribed to SJ monthly and eagerly awaited the next installment each month. What this meant was that whenever I was feeling like I wanted to end it all, I’d remember that I didn't’ know what happened next and would wait. I honestly believe that Hikaru no Go is at least partially responsible for me making it out of high school alive, and I treasure it to this day. (Also I’m on anti-depressants now so don’t worry about me y’all okay? XD) There was another manga like this, but I'mnot sure how to feel about that one anymore :(

17. Magic Knight Rayearth - I know I’ve already listed CLAMP as a heavy influence on me, but I felt Magic Knight Rayearth deserved it’s own place because it was my first manga ever! I’d seen the commercial for the anime on one of my old DVDs way back when, and I was already intereseted in it when I happened to find the manga in a bookstore! I bought it and reread the first volume a dozen times before I even found the second ahaha. I must have read the complete set a hundred times now and let me tell you the twist ending of the first part kills me every time! The first of my manga obsession ahaha

18. Tales of the Abyss and The ‘Tales of’ game series - Tales of the Abyss was my first (and still my favorite) Tales game, and since then I’ve played almost all of them! They definitely influenced my character designs, most of my friends comment on how Tales-like my costumes are ahaha

19. The 'Riyria’ book series - The most recent novel series I’ve read. It’s got everything I’d ever want to see in a novel, it’s so great and the story is so deep and intriguing! I recommend everyone to read it, it’s a MUST READ for sure!

20. Journey - The first time I played this game I cried for three hours. I felt like I’d just had a religious and spiritual experience far beyond what I’d ever experienced in a video game before. It was just something so… beyond me. I recommend everyone to play this game at least once in their lifetime. I can’t really form the words to express what it means to me. It’s just something you’d have to experience for yourself.

21. Ico: Castle in the Mist and Shadow of the Colossus - Another famous one lol a LOT of people love these games but In particular I want to bring attention to the Ico novelization, Ico: Castle in the Mist. I really enjoyed the novel and it’s worldbuilding. The games will always be special to me, but that novel man. That novel.

22. Yu Yu Hakusho - One of my guilty favorites! I first saw Yu Yu Hakusho when I was 16 and I’ve loved it ever since! I’ve always been fascinated with spirits and the occult, but I definitely had to hide this one from my religious parents.

23. Black Cat - Honestly this one surprises me. I love those secret identity and hidden horrible past animes and this one definitely fits that bill. I think this one established my favorite tropes in my life more than anything else.

24. A Bride’s Story - Two words. THE ART. MY GOD THE ART. This manga, in addtion to being a really great read, has some of the most detailed artwork I’ve ever seen. It’s influenced me greatly and I encourage everyone to read it.

25. Bravely Default - Bravely Default definitely influenced my story building and characters, it was one of the first 3DS games that really captivated me and drew me into its world!

26. Yu-Gi-Oh!! - Another series I had to hide from my parents ahah This anime was something I really loved in my childhood. Again, I really love ghosts and spirits and things like that so this anime was probably what started it all!

27. Fire Emblem Awakening and the Fire Emblem Series - Awakening was my first Fire Emblem game (Cue whining from the FE purists LOL) but since then I’ve played them all! (Including the JP only ones don’t start with me haters ahahahaha) The storytelling and bonds between the characters really resonated with me and it’s become one of my favorite game series!

28. The ‘Legend of Zelda’ game series - The repeating themes of good vs evil throughout the Legend of Zelda games really struck a chord with me, especially when I was young. Twilight Princess and Wind Waker especially influenced me. “A Sword has no strength unless the hand that wields it has courage.” Is something that has suck with me for a long time, and something that encourages me and helps me get through my everyday life.

29. The Final Fantasy Series - Final Fantasy has had a HUGE impact on my life. I already gave Crystal Chronicles it’s due, now it’s the numbered titles turn! Final Fantasy has influenced my life in ways I couldn’t have imagined ten years ago even! I’ve played them all (Except 11, curse having no internet as a teenager!) and they’ve definitely shaped my lore and world building skills!

30. Naruto - Okay I’ll admit it! I was Naruto weeboo trash in highschool!!! Oh woe is me!! Just kidding! I honestly still love Naruto, and it’s something that really stuck with me for a long time, since it’s one of the first anime I saw (after learning what anime was ahaha)

31. Gravity Falls - How can I put this… Hmmmm. Gravity Falls has heavily influenced my character building. I love it’s characters. Don’t get me wrong I love the story too! But the characters are honestly what kept me coming back for more! Not to mention that epic foreshadowing in season one. Yep.

32. Spiral: The Bonds of Reasoning - Another one of my favorite manga in Highschool that oddly helped me through my depression. The main character’s struggles sort of resonated with me and helped my healing process in my late teens and early twenties.

33. Final Fantasy XII - Okay WORLDBUILDING. Let’s talk about worldbuilding because MY GOD has Final Fantasy XII have it. I love the Ivalice games in general, but the amount of effort put into 12 having a world that feels like it’s alive is astounding to be honest. The world truly feels like it’s alive, and it drew me in for over 400 hours of gameplay on Playstation 2. To this day it’s the game I have logged the most hours into.

34. Radiant Historia - What drew me in here was TIME TRAVEL and STORY AND WORLDBUILDING. This game is a hidden gem in the Nintendo DS’s extensive library. It doesn’t have the best graphics or even the best gameplay mechanics, but it didn’t matter to me because the story kept me coming back for more! By far one of my favorite games ever. (Pssst go play it, it got a remake for 3DS)

35. Final Fanasy XIV - This one is a favorite, not just because of it’s story and world building - both of which are excellent btw - but because of the connections I’ve made through it. I have made so many friends online through this game, friends that make me feel better about myself as a person, and who’ve stuck with me through the hard times along with the good.

36. Mushishi - We’ve established that I love ghosts and spirits and things, but this series made me love connecting it with nature, something that has heavily influenced my writing and my own webcomic!

37. Voltron - Mostly the first two seasons. Beast King Golion was one of my first super sentai anime as a child, and I loved seeing it remade! It was like getting to revisit my childhood

38. Gundam SEED and the Gundam Series - Okay Gundam has influenced me throughout my life, starting with Gundam Wing when I was six years old, and continuing on to this day. The one I’ve watched the most times though, is Gundam SEED, and it’s influenced my characters and storytelling a lot!

Wow, congrats to whoever manged to read this far. You’re really determined I’ll give you that! Thanks for reading!

[zenonaa]

Chapters: 7/? Fandom: Dangan Ronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc Rating: Mature Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Fukawa Touko/Togami Byakuya, Fukawa Touko/Togami Byakuya/Kirigiri Kyouko, Fukawa Touko/Kirigiri Kyouko, Kirigiri Kyouko/Togami Byakuya (Dangan Ronpa) Summary: Togami hires Kirigiri to solve a mass murder that occurred at his wedding anniversary party. One hitman was apprehended, but he refuses to say a single word, while the other got away. The mastermind could be anyone, but the list of suspects is getting shorter, and Kirigiri finds herself learning more about the Togamis than she anticipated.

Comments: i might post the next chapter in two weeks because i want to write a bday fic for togami lol.

Byakuya’s father didn’t stay the night. After dinner, he departed from the Togami manor in a sleek limousine where he could sit at the back by himself, with only the products of his success as company. Once he was gone, Byakuya retreated into his office, and Kyouko decided to give him some space after the tense, silent meal.

In any case, the next day preoccupied Kyouko, with reviewing evidence, comparing witness statements and following leads that came to brick walls, and they all paved the way to one individual: Byakuya.

He could easily have smuggled in the hitmen and helped one escape, but then Kyouko didn’t understand why he would hire her. Did he think she wouldn’t be able to do it? Was he messing with her, like he used to with some of their classmates? But he only had one known motive for one victim, and she didn’t understand why he would cause such a mess for himself.

Or it could have been a coincidence. Maybe. Unfortunately, Byakuya seemed wrapped up in video conferences for conglomerate business, not attending meals, and Kyouko was busy too, so she didn’t have the chance to question him.  During the next two late night sessions with Touko, she didn’t bring up what happened, not between Byakuya and his father or what happened between Byakuya, Touko and Kyouko, and Touko didn’t pursue the topic either. It felt white hot to touch, for now.

Two days after Kijou’s visit, Kyouko went down to breakfast and walked into an empty dining room. One of the maids waiting there flitted into the kitchen, returning to Kyouko with food. Kyouko started to eat, and part way through her hot chocolate and croissant, the door opened. She looked up.

“Good morning,” greeted Kyouko.

“Good morning,” parroted Touko, alone, and she sat opposite Kyouko. A maid soon brought out a similar breakfast for Touko, but the maid may as well have had blue skin for all the notice that Kyouko took of her.

Touko slowly ate a few mouthfuls.

“How did you sleep?” asked Kyouko.

“Enough,” said Touko, whether that meant in the number of hours or how soundly. Kyouko wasn’t sure.

Another mouthful.

“I haven’t seen Togami-kun much lately,” said Kyouko.

Touko grimaced, chewed a bit more and swallowed.

“He’s in his office. He had some food on a tray beside him when I popped in earlier,” she informed Kyouko, like she had a bad taste in her mouth.

“I see,” said Kyouko.

They ate. Next time, Touko picked up the conversation, if it could be called that.

“My darling is very busy and doesn’t want to be disturbed, so you know,” she said.

Kyouko nodded. “I will leave him alone then.”

After breakfast, Touko slipped away, and Kyouko didn’t give chase. She went to the Togami library  and used the login details that Byakuya had supplied her. Many of the folders stored on the server were passworded, but she had access to the tapes of the interviews that Byakuya supervised.

On her previous persuals, she had focused on those being interviewed, but now she turned her attention to those conducting the interviews. Alongside Byakuya, there was Pennyworth, both dressed in simple black suits, and interrogators that Kyouko knew the names of but little else. Byakuya occasionally asked questions, but the interrogator extracted the most information.

Going through all of them would take several hours, not accounting for pausing or rewatching certain bits again. Kyouko rested her chin in her palm and studied Byakuya, but his stoic demeanour didn’t throw anything his way that she considered suspicious.

She stopped around lunchtime, not at all finished, and headed to the dining room, where to her surprise, Touko was joined by not only Byakuya but Anastazja as well.

None of them greeted Kyouko, who sat down beside Touko. The table had been set but no food had been brought out. There was a jar, though, containing peaches floating in a pink liquid that Kyouko could see in the cup of the others. Kyouko used a dipper to get some into her cup and tasted it.

Lightly sweet. Pleasant. She drank some more.

“Do you like it?” asked Anastazja. Kyouko lowered the cup, cradling it in her hands.

“I do,” she said. “It’s refreshing.”

“It’s peach kompot,” said Anastazja.

Kyouko sipped approvingly.

Soon after, several maids served lunch, bringing out trays of various foods so that everyone could choose their own components and portions. There were soups of autumn hues, and as for the main course, there were soft steamed beef tongues, a meaty stew that contained sausages along with chunks of different animals, boiled beef in an off-white sauce, cabbage stuffed with meat and rice, and a platter of traditional breaded pork cutlets. For sides, they could help themselves to roast potatoes, french fries, rice and miscellaneous vegetables.

“If you want a safe option, I advise you go for the pork cutlets,” said Byakuya, pointing. Kyouko ignored him and spooned stew into her bowl, and she added some cabbage stuffed with meat to her plate before claiming a bowl of tomato soup for herself, which had noodles in it.

Byakuya chose a creamy green soup with egg in it and the stew as well, along with a small helping of vegetables. The other two women served themselves, and the meal officially started, cutlery working quietly and mouths chewing.

After a few mouthfuls of boiled beef, Touko picked up her soup spoon but didn’t dip it into her soup, which was the same as what Byakuya chose, but into Byakuya’s bowl. She presented the spoon to Byakuya, who opened his mouth without looking away from his food. Smiling, Touko tipped the contents in and replenished the spoon for the next go. Byakuya turned his head slightly and consumed the next several spoonfuls without complaint, holding but not using his spoon that he had barely fed himself with.

“Are your hands too tired to feed yourself?” asked Anastazja, who hadn’t eaten for a minute.

He furrowed his brow. Anastazja’s eyes darted toward Touko, who glowered.

“They’re not tired,” he told Anastazja, but he didn’t make any attempt to feed himself. Touko looked away from Anastazja and resumed feeding him.

“If your hands were too tired to feed yourself, then that would explain why you’ve lost a bit of weight, Byakuya,” said Anastazja. “Since I last saw you, I would say you have lost around eight pounds, which one would expect to lose in a month following a strict diet plan.”

“I’m not dieting,” said Byakuya. “I’ve just been preoccupied with work.”

“He doesn’t have to diet,” piped up Touko. She looked down and smirked slightly. “B-But... even if he was heavier... it wouldn’t matter to me. There would just be more of him for me to love.”

Anastazja pursed her lips.

The rest of the meal marched on with an uneasy sort of silence that despite its unwanted presence, no one asked it to leave the table. Touko fed Byakuya the rest of his soup, and then he returned the favour with her soup. Anastazja pointedly ignored them as Touko fed Byakuya his main course, alternating after every few feedings with Byakuya who did the same to her. They didn’t acknowledge Anastazja, or Kyouko, and Kyouko found herself watching the couple in small doses while she cleared her plate. Small smiles eased on their lips as they progressed through the meal together.

Kyouko felt full and warm by the time she finished her meal. However, the first to rise was Byakuya. A maid approached and stacked a tray with the dishes and utensils that he used. He stepped away from his chair and strode off. Touko sprung up and stuck close to his side, accompanying him out. Anastazja cast her narrowed eyes at Touko’s back and hooked onto her small frame.

When Touko left the room, no longer in sight, Anastazja simply stared at the door.

“How long are you here for?” Kyouko chanced.

“I will leave tomorrow morning,” said Anastazja. She hauled her gaze onto Kyouko. A weaker person than Kyouko would have been knocked off balance. “Before I depart, I want to sit down and speak with you.”

“That’s fine,” said Kyouko. “I was actually hoping to talk to you.”

Anastazja examined her nails.

“I want to talk to my son first, and I will be busy for the next few hours, but at five o’clock sharp, you may join me in my room,” she said, and then she clenched her hand into a fist. “Don’t be late.”

“I assume you’re in the guest wing?” said Kyouko, unperturbed.

“Indeed. Room Nine.”

Until then, Kyouko tried to busy herself by watching some more interview footage in the library, but she didn’t make much headway before she paused the video. Sat in front of the computer, she shut her eyes and rubbed her temples. All of this, she had seen, listened to, and nothing about it had changed. She needed to talk to people for herself. To particular people.

Kyouko logged off the computer and decided to seek out Touko. Last time, she found her in her writing room, so she went there first and knocked on the door.

No one answered, but she heard tapping from within, and she cracked the door ajar. The sound originated from Touko, whose fingers pounded against her keyboard as she sat hunched in front of her computer. Kyouko opened the door wider. Words continued to stutter out beneath Touko’s touch, no more and no less than before Kyouko came in.

From where Kyouko stood, she could only view the back of Touko. She drew a bit closer and positioned herself off to the side of Touko, where she could see more of Touko’s face. There, she observed the tip of Touko’s tongue that protruded from between her lips, a pink shoot sprouting, and the crease that divided her brow down the middle.

Touko’s tongue retreated into her mouth and her lips curled in on themselves. Her back shuddered as she flexed, pausing from her writing, fingers twitching but not pressing down on any keys. Footsteps sounded from the doorway, and the silver-haired maid who Kyouko interacted with on the morning of Kijou’s visit walked in, holding a tray.

Most of Touko’s desk was covered with, among other things, various papers clipped together and ring-binders, so the maid deliberated and set the tray down on a short, flat pile of paper folders. On the tray was a teapot, a cup and a tray of rice dumplings.

“I apologise, I didn’t realise you had company, Touko-san,” said the maid. Touko stirred and turned around.

She caught sight of Kyouko and jumped.

“How long have you been here, snooping?” asked Touko sharply.

“I came in a minute ago,” replied Kyouko, but she didn’t know how long she had been there. It couldn’t have been longer than that. “I didn’t snoop through anything. I just stood here.”

The maid’s features hardened. “Do you wish for me to escort her out?”

Though the maid spoke calmly, she seemed ready to leap into action and perhaps toss Kyouko over her shoulder.

Touko hesitated.

“... No, it’s all right,” said Touko, glancing away. “I have a cup from earlier, so Kirigiri can use the clean one. Unless you’re only here briefly?”

She aimed the last part at Kyouko and stared at her.

“I wouldn’t want to distract you,” said Kyouko, trailing off.

“So you do have business with me,” said Touko. Her eyes flickered. “I knew it... Tojo, you can go now. We’ll be fine.”

The maid gave a quick bow before leaving the room. Touko waited a few more seconds before turning her gaze to Kyouko.

“What is it?” she asked Kyouko, who shifted slightly. “If this is about what the three of us did together, I don’t have anything more to say about it than what Byakuya told you the first morning after.”

She laced her fingers together and regarded Kyouko with a steady squint.

“I don’t know how much you heard,” started Kyouko, but Touko butted right in.

“All of it,” revealed Touko. “I was tired and I didn’t want to join in, so I listened. I just pretended to be asleep.”

“I see. Does that mean you don’t believe it was a dream now?” said Kyouko.

Touko pulled a face and poured herself some tea from a cup that had been on her desk before Kyouko entered her writing room. She sipped with that same expression, and Kyouko took the teapot as soon as Touko returned it to the tray.

“Neither of us thought that would happen,” said Touko. “When Byakuya invited you to our room that night, he did just want to play Monopoly. I was a bit surprised, and...”

Silence tried to wiggle in and wedge itself between the pair.

“... and?” prompted Kyouko.

“... back at Hope’s Peak, you were one of the first people who he considered a near-equal,” admitted Touko bitterly.

Kyouko’s eyebrows raised but she reigned them in.

Touko rotated the cup in her hands slowly. “Don’t look so blank... I’m not going to repeat myself for your ego. He recognised your skill and intelligence. I could smell the rivalry a mile away. I didn’t care for you back then, and I know that you felt likewise.”

The past tense caught Kyouko’s attention, but she pushed past it.

“I didn’t dislike you,” said Kyouko, earning a scoff from Touko.

“Back then, I thought that Byakuya might have gone for you, or Celes,” said Touko. She whined. “I couldn’t stand it! You were both so cool and pretty, and Celes sucked up to him while you didn’t ever watch your tone with my Byakuya.”

“Were?” said Kyouko, unable to help herself.

“Don’t pretend to have low self-esteem!” snapped Touko. “Are. You both are. Those things.”

Kyouko’s cheeks warmed.

“But Togami-kun chose you, not us,” Kyouko pointed out.

“Y-Yes...” Touko smiled a bit and lifted her shoulders, rosy in the face. “We were destined to be...”

Kyouko had seen the cake, but not seen the recipe.

“May I ask about how you became a couple?” asked Kyouko. “When you walked into the cafeteria holding hands one morning, no one had seen it coming, and yet no one was surprised.”

Touko froze. She clicked her tongue, like a fuse being lit.

“I know what people thought of us,” said Touko. “You all thought that Byakuya deserved to die alone. You all thought I was deluded. That... That I was getting off by punishing myself with unrequited love. And okay, maybe that was the start. There are a lot of cruel men out there, like my father...”

Her face darkened and she put her cup on her saucer on her desk.

“But... there was something different about Byakuya. He kept to himself, pushed away whoever tried to get close, talked about how an invitation may have been a trap... and he liked reading. I saw myself in him,” said Touko. “He didn’t care what other people thought about him. He was, is, someone who I thought could understand me, and as I observed him, I tried to fill in the gaps, and no matter what I did, he didn’t change. He’s not fake... and I like that, and imagining us happy together... made me happy. I never had to second guess him.”

Kyouko nodded.

“For the past few years, I had been working on a side-project. My I-Novel. I don’t intend to publish it, but writing it has been therapeutic. Naegi had been trying to get close to me around that time, even introducing me to his sister, and during our second year, I let Naegi read what I had of my I-Novel so far, and his words of encouragement fueled something in me.”

Touko paused.

“On a Friday, I left the draft in Byakuya’s shoe locker, like a giddy school girl too shy to confess to her crush,” said Touko, like she hadn’t been exactly that. “Then came the wait...”

She hugged herself. A smile placed itself tentatively on her lips.

“I didn’t see him in the library for the whole of Saturday. Then, that night, he rang for me. He had read it in one sitting, and he wanted to read more. I told him that was all that I had so far. We spoke a bit, not so much about the intimate details but my hobbies, my writing...”

Her smile planted itself on her as she replayed the scene in her head.

“We didn’t start dating then... Byakuya had thinking to do. Two weeks crawled by. We talked a bit, and I found out we liked the same movies, and on a Saturday, he visited my room again and said he wanted to... to invest in us. He wanted someone strong, smart, engaging... like me... And then... our hands... ah ha...”

Kyouko braced herself.

“... we held hands... and he went such a cute red...” Touko mumbled, illustrating with her own face, and Kyouko relaxed a bit.

“If I recall correctly, he went to study in America after graduating,” said Kyouko.

“Yes. That’s right.” Touko set her hands down on her lap. She couldn’t turn off her blush, but she could smooth over her features. “Distance didn’t affect us. Both of us can go periods without being with the other. If I was to be held hostage in a city during the end of the world, having to wait until it was safe for me to leave, I wouldn’t feel a thing. We spoke on the phone, on email, on video, and we visited each other... We remained close, and then after he graduated, he proposed and we got married.”

Touko hugged herself. A small, happy mewl slipped out. Kyouko grinned.

“So... what are you working on now?” asked Kyouko. “A romance novel?”

“No. My I-Novel,” said Touko. “It’s an ongoing project. Don’t think it’s because I can’t write romance anymore, just because I’m married. At first, I thought I would struggle. After I met Byakuya, all I could write about was us. I couldn’t focus on anything else. But then, I realised I could still write romance. I could write about us, but different ways of falling in love. Us in different time periods, in a fantasy universe, in a world where we get locked into a school, have our memories wiped and are forced to kill our classmates to have a chance to escape... ah, the possibilities are endless!”

Drool slicked her lips.

“This is what soulmates are like, isn’t it?” said Touko.

“I suppose so,” replied Kyouko, trying not to look at her lips, and Touko focused on Kyouko.

“... Here.” She got up, walked over to a bookcase and plucked off a book. Kyouko let Touko push it into her hands. On the cover was a merman and a woman in a witch’s hat, positioned in a yin-yang design. “I know it’s not a detective novel like I usually recommend to you, but maybe you will enjoy it, to your surprise.”

“Thank you,” said Kyouko, studying the cover some more.

“Byakuya is more of a fan of detective novels than I am. Everything that I’ve pointed you toward are works that he liked. And... Me and Byakuya plan to collaborate on a detective novel,” Touko said, and she paused. Kyouko lifted her head. Touko picked at her fingers. “Maybe... you could read it... j-just so we can gauge whether the clues have been implemented successfully.”

“I would like that,” said Kyouko with a smile. Her heart skipped a bit as she thought that this recommendation came from Touko and not indirectly from Byakuya this time, though she hadn’t disliked those at all.

“... All right,” said Touko, blushing lightly. She whipped around to face away from Kyouko. “Oh geez... You’ve distracted me from my writing.”

“I apologise,” said Kyouko, smile slipping.

Touko shuffled back to her desk and sat down. “Don’t worry about it.”

Leaving Touko to her own devices, Kyouko read in her room during the remaining time she had before she was due to meet Anastazja. Within the first few pages, Kyouko could say with confidence that Touko based the protagonist on herself and the merman on Byakuya. Still, their first interactions were unfriendly and formal, and Touko’s prose weaved a world around Kyouko that warped time’s passage around her. When she tore her eyes away to check her phone, she realised she had five minutes to spare.

They were both staying in the guest wing, so Kyouko didn’t worry about being late. In fact, she put the book aside and decided to arrive a bit early. She left her room and crossed the corridor. At the door, she poised her hand to knock, but a noise caught her fist and held back her hand.

It sounded like crying. Muffled crying. Kyouko backtracked to her room and slammed the door. The crying stopped. She waited a few seconds before returning to Anastazja’s door and rapping her knuckles against it.

Anastazja opened. Her eyes seemed harsher than usual.

“Come in,” drawled Anastazja like she was compensating, and she marched back stiffly into her room with Kyouko trailing behind.

This guest room had a different appearance to that of Kyouko’s, which had cool blue tones, with speckled, pale yellow flooring and white panel walls. When Kyouko ventured further in, stencil art of a fern tree on one of the panels caught her eye, starting at the floor and reaching almost as high as a ceiling beam. Sunlight poured in from a window as tall as a wall and as wide as a set of double doors. The room contained two beige chairs, and Anastazja seated herself on one. Kyouko claimed the other for herself.

“We both have things that we wish to discuss. We’ll start with my queries,” said Anastazja, one leg crossed over the other.

Kyouko expected her to talk about the murders, so was caught off-guard by what Anastazja next said.

“My husband came to visit two days ago. Correct?”

“Yes,” said Kyouko. She breathed in. The room smelled like a cool forest breeze.

Anastazja nodded with a steely gaze. “I asked Byakuya about it, but he wouldn’t elaborate on many details. I doubt it was a family visit. It was about the murders. Yes?”

“We talked about that. Did you not ask Kijou about it?” asked Kyouko, prompting Anastazja to wrinkle her nose.

“When I managed to contact him, he just said they were catching up,” said Anastazja. “Byakuya’s body language intrigued me. He made eye contact less than usual, looked at stimuli more readily and touched his hair more than usual.”

Kyouko shifted in her seat.

“As Byakuya’s mother, I have the right to know,” said Anastazja. “You would be wise not to try lying to me.”

“There was an altercation between them,” Kyouko told her quietly. “Togami-kun’s father struck him when we left the room.”

No reaction. Kyouko couldn’t tell if it was because Anastazja already knew or if it just didn’t phase her.

“I figured,” said Anastazja, finally. “When Kijou gets mad, he hits or throws things and sometimes breaks them. He can be like a child throwing a tantrum, but he has never outright done physical harm to a person.”

Silence. Anastazja stared into space with a frown.

“Let me ask you something,” said Kyouko.

Anastazja eyed her.

“It’s about Sugawara’s relationship with Togami-kun,” said Kyouko.

“It was professional,” said Anastazja, betraying nothing.

“Just?” asked Kyouko, and Anastazja narrowed her eyes.

“... Tell me what that has to do with their altercation,” said Anastazja. “I’m inferring that the two are related.”

Kyouko folded her arms over her chest. “The argument was about an incident in Togami-kun’s childhood. Not a pleasant one.”

Anastazja’s eyes flickered.

“So you know about that,” said Anastazja.

“How long after did you find out?” asked Kyouko.

“What do you mean? After it happened? I found out years later, within a day of Pennyworth and Touko discovering it. Pennyworth told me,” said Anastazja.

“And what did you do?”

“What do you mean?”

One end of Kyouko’s lips pinched.

“Don’t give me that look,” snapped Anastazja. She breathed and put up a calmer demeanour, still evidently annoyed. “You’re acting like I have influence in the conglomerate and its partners.”

“Togami-kun is your son. Surely you must have been upset,” said Kyouko.

Anastazja jigged a foot. “Being upset would make me be seen as an unstable and weak woman.”

“You would be acting like a human,” said Kyouko.

“Not to those whose opinions matter to the conglomerate,” said Anastazja, and Kyouko noticed that she hadn’t confirmed nor denied what Kyouko had stated before that. Still, Anastazja hadn’t been explicit, toeing her way through her phrasing carefully. “My role ended when Byakuya won - ”

She tripped on her tongue but recovered gracefully, with just a little hitch.

“ - when Byakuya took on a more active role in the conglomerate. I raised him to be intelligent, strong and to survive. Keep afloat. Not let anyone take advantage of him,” said Anastazja. “I tried to mold him into the perfect heir.”

“But do you love him as your son?” asked Kyouko.

Anastazja flashed a glare at Kyouko, the most emotion seen on her yet, and realising, she averted her gaze. With a lack of eye contact, Anastazja drew out a silver locket from under her blouse, worn on a silver chain around her neck. Two feathery wings made of metal created the silhouette of a heart, details carved into it, and she peeled back one wing to open the locket, revealing a photograph inside.

“It’s Togami-kun,” said Kyouko, examining the picture. His hair was long in it. “It must have been around the time that he won the heir selection competition.”

“Oh, so you know about that?” asked Anastazja. She adjusted her hold on the locket, keeping it open. “In that case, I won’t be so vague on the details. Yes, that’s correct. This was taken during the competition by Pennyworth. I didn’t take many photographs of Byakuya in his younger years.”

“Why is that?” asked Kyouko, staring at her. Anastazja didn’t answer. “Is it because you were afraid?”

She didn’t answer that either.

“You didn’t want to get attached to him, did you?” said Kyouko, tilting her head to one side.

With a telltale waver, over and done with as quick as a heartbeat, Anastazja smirked and said, “Perhaps I underestimated you, Kirigiri. I didn’t know that afterwards, I would basically be giving him up. Do you know, they say that they are exiled, but many of them die suspicious deaths? Maybe if I had known...”

Anastazja squeezed the locket and wiped her expression clean.

“I have photographic memory, but if I was not there to witness an event, then I can’t have any memories of it, can I?” she said. “I remember what he wore when he asked me where his cake was on his sixth birthday. A navy waistcoat with golden buttons. A light blue shirt. We had it specially made for him by Gabriel Agreste, a renown fashion designer in France. I remember what he wore at his first recital that his father attended. A white bowtie. Black suit. White shirt. I remember what he wore at his wedding anniversary. A R. Jewels suit from England, strategically studded with four hundred and eighty diamonds. Only three were and ever will be made, and we have one of them, of course.”

Of course. Kyouko made note of this.

“Most of the photographs of Byakuya were taken by Pennyworth. He is a phlegmatic man, but he cares for Byakuya a lot,” said Anastazja. She finally shut the locket and tucked it back into her blouse. “I will speak to you as a fellow woman, Kirigiri. When I found out what Sugawara did, I wanted to kill him.”

Her shoulders squared.

“I didn’t, though,” she said. “Nor did I hire anyone to kill him. Do you know how hard it is to hire a hitman? You’re best being recommended one from someone you know, or you might accidentally come into contact with an undercover cop or out yourself with your trail. And you mustn’t meet one personally, or you risk potential blackmail from them.”

Kyouko lifted her chin a little. “Have you tried to hire one before?”

“Oh, no, even if there are people who I despise,” said Anastazja.

She stroked the pad of her index finger against her thumb, looking nowhere else.

“Touko is a fortunate woman,” admitted Anastazja softly, changing the subject, or maybe she wasn’t. “She married someone she loves, and who loves her back.”

Anastazja’s face twitched and she turned away.

“I will leave you to finding out who ordered their killings, especially Sugawara’s,” she said. “Just let me know who ordered their killings before you turn them in, so I may shake their hand. Now, what was it that you wanted to talk about?”

Kyouko stood up. “I have got all the information that I desired. Thank you.”

***

That night, Touko and Kyouko sat at the dining room table, as had become part of their nightly ritual, with a cup of hot chocolate each.

“... and how long did it take you to write the novel, from start to finish?” asked Kyouko, referring to the the book that Touko lent her.

Touko stopped prodding her marshmallow with her spoon. “A few years, but I didn’t work on it solely. I had other projects going on, and whenever I reread the story to refresh myself, I wanted to tweak the wording and basically rewrite the whole thing.”

Kyouko nodded and watched Touko take a small sip of her drink.

“The first arc felt like a chore to write at times,” said Touko, holding her cup with both hands. “I had a lot of ideas for later scenes, but I had to set them up first. You can’t decorate a cake that hasn’t been baked, like you can’t have a climax without a build up. But... those quiet moments... were fun to write, in their own way, and I think of them fondly.”

“I’ve enjoyed what I’ve read so far, including those moments. You really are a shining example of how works of text are just as much art as a drawing,” Kyouko remarked with a small smile.

The compliment made Touko squirm. She jutted out her chin. “O-Of course! I wasn’t scouted as a literary girl for no reason.”

At Hope’s Peak, Touko had been full of self-criticisms, on how she was ugly, and smelly, but when it came to her writing, her defences flared up and passion burned in her eyes as they did now, and Kyouko couldn’t look away.

“I think, after this book, I would like another,” said Kyouko.

“Are you sucking up to me?” asked Touko on the last stage before a glare.

“I’m being genuine,” Kyouko assured her. “I admit, at school, I didn’t consider giving them a chance. I acknowledged your skill but did little else beyond that. At least that means now I have a lot to look forward to reading.”

Touko gasped and positioned her cup close to her face, failing miserably to hide her blush and the smile that crept in, though maybe miserably wasn’t an appropriate verb because there was nothing sad about her appearance.

“What do Togami-kun’s parents think of your writing?” asked Kyouko, and she drank some hot chocolate while she waited for Touko’s answer.

“They don’t,” said Touko. She lowered her cup, looking grim. “My parents were only interested in it when they realised it would earn them money, and Byakuya’s parents don’t regard romance novels highly. Or romance at all. B-But all I need is my darling’s approval, so... so fuck them!”

Kyouko could have laughed, but she quirked her brow. “Is Togami-kun into romance novels?”

“No, not really, but he has read many of mine by now,” said Touko, smiling again. “Sometimes, I write him short mystery pieces, and he tries to figure out the mystery before he finishes it. He likes doing that.”

The two drank their hot chocolate peacefully. Kyouko nearly finished hers and gripped the rim of her cup between her frown. She set down her cup and after some hesitation, spoke up.

“Touko-san,” said Kyouko, maneuvering her tongue around the laser alarms in her mouth, arranged like a game of jack straws. “When Togami-kun’s father came to visit, he and Byakuya discussed a certain incident.”

The effect was immediate - Touko flinched.

“It’s not my business to say what happened way back then,” said Touko, sobering. She glanced away, put down her cup and fidgeted her hands like she couldn’t get a firm grip on the other. “But I suppose... I can say what happened a few months ago. Byakuya’s father came to visit with a few work friends...”

“... were any of them murdered later?” Kyouko butted in. Touko’s lips twisted as she recollected.

“All of them, actually. They wanted to discuss a business proposal that Byakuya ultimately had no interest in,” said Touko. “Byakuya told me that it wasn’t anything worth knowing, later. His father didn’t approve of him declining, but anyway, my darling was asked to perform for them in the concert hall we have here.”

Kyouko hadn’t been to it, but she could believe that they had one.

“On the violin,” said Touko.

“Okay,” replied Kyouko, blinking.

“Because he can perform on a number of different instruments,” Touko elaborated, and when Kyouko didn’t reply, she carried on. “I wanted to wish him good luck, so I headed toward the backstage area, but before I made myself known, I heard voices. My darling wasn’t alone. He was with...”

Touko’s lips quivered.

“Sugawara,” said Kyouko for her. She didn’t rush Touko to continue.

“... He... They were talking,” said Touko, voice thickening fast. “Byakuya told him to go away... and Sugawara spoke so sweetly... but in a rotten way... and said... he wasn’t as c-cute now...”

Behind Touko’s widened eyes, the rest of the conversation played, but Kyouko couldn’t see, couldn’t hear. Touko was made the sole audience and she tugged on her hair, her face ready to tear down the middle. Kyouko wavered but reached over and gripped Touko’s shoulder, and Touko didn’t shake her off.

“My darling, he said he wasn’t a child anymore.” Fragments of the scene left Touko’s mouth. “And that man... he laughed.” Pause. “Byakuya said... things... in anger...” Pause. “Sugawara laughed and said Byakuya’s mouth would be better put to use on his...” Pause. She covered her mouth. “He asked... if his skills had got rusty... ” Pause. “I rushed in. Sugawara laughed at us and swaggered off... He didn’t deny anything.”

“I understand,” said Kyouko.

“You don’t!” Touko snarled. Kyouko jumped. Touko’s face contorted, crumbling quickly. “Byakuya wouldn’t say at first... He had to go play, he said... Then I... and Pennyworth... He called me a liar... and then Byakuya told him... told us... and then... we all knew... and you don’t know... how...”

Touko clutched her blouse, clawing it over her heart. Her shoulders shook, and her gaze turned inward. Unfocused.

“... you don’t know what... I can’t,” said Touko, pained, eyes brimming.

“You’re right,” said Kyouko softly. “I don’t know.”

Without thinking, Kyouko opened up her arms. Touko needed no further prompting and fell into Kyouko.

“I hadn’t even wanted to leave them,” Touko spluttered into Kyouko. “At the party... b-but Byakuya wanted to talk to him, and then I...”

A sob.

“... couldn’t find them before there was blood.”

After Kyouko eventually dropped Touko off at her room, and Touko had recomposed herself to sniffles, Kyouko did not go straight to her own room. Instead, she went to the Togami library and logged into the computer. She opened one of the interview tapes and furrowed her brow.

Byakuya’s suit didn’t have any diamonds on it.

There were a lot of reasons why he could have changed out of it into something else.

A lot of them.