#every other day…………. like damn wtf. i’m actually kind of processing that he really made me cry a lot

[vampireic]

hello medical professionals why do i make up arguments in my head between me and my bf that always end up in us breaking up. why do i do that and why are they kind of realistic and why do they make sense and why won’t they stop????? i cant even think of us being cutesy and nice and lovey because it will spiral into an argument WHY DO I DO THAT PLEASE. how do i make them stop

[carebearbliss]

How NCT 127 would confess to you

A/N: This took way longer than it was intended, but here it is! Hope you enjoy~

Taeil

Taeil went over the plan at least 50 times to make sure the delivery would be as smooth as he hoped it would be

Probably couldn’t really sleep the night before cause what if you reject him????

Plans on singing a love song specially for you, like a private mini concert in a rented out café you two frequent a lot

When you get to your usual hangout spot, the lights were out and you were confused af

But then as the lights went back on again you saw Taeil standing on a makeshift stage and the café was decorated with cute fairy lights and balloons and all

Then music started playing as he serenaded you sweetly and honestly you were already sold from the minute he started singing ngl

Kinda messes up what he prepared to say to you afterwards because he doesn’t want to screw it up but also when he looks at you his mind kinda goes blank

So happy and relieved when you tell him the feeling’s mutual that he lowkey almost tripped on the way back to his seat cause he lost feeling in both his legs

Lots of shy and awkward gazing and blushing on both parts, but when you meet each other’s gaze he gives you the brightest smile ever

Overall just really adorable????

Johnny

I swear 10/10 this guy had something elaborate and romantic planned out the moment he realized his feelings for you

Would probably pull out something kinda cheesy to impress you, like playing your favorite song on the piano (or teaching you how to play,       o o f)

I can see him taking you on walks around the city afterwards, someplace quiet with a nice scenery that would provide a nice backdrop for his confession

Tells you he’s gonna go pick up a call real quick, then kinda disappears

You get lowkey angry like wtf Johnny w h a t are you doing, but then he sends you text messages to a sort of scavenger hunt

Was actually planning on just telling you verbally what you mean to him and how he feels for you but then realized he’s not really good at doing that face to face so this is his fun alternative

Anyways, he gives you hints and directions through text message and at each ‘landmark’ he directs you to, you find small notes where he wrote down what exactly he likes about you and moments he realized he’s in love with you

Basically the boi wrote you a love letter but scattered around at least 7 different spots while he’s hiding who knows where

By the time you get to the final spot you see him standing in front of you with a large bouquet in his hands (for you) and this silly grin on his face

Lowkey almost moved you to tears as he told you he likes you

You spend the night looking at the stars and walking hand in hand as you two talk about anything and everything at the same time

Taeyong

Y’know those smooth pick-up lines he pulls out of his sleeves? Yeah, prepare for those cause they are definitely coming your way

Would probably go for a sweet and sentimental confession

Lowkey tries to hint at his feelings for you by recommending love songs every now and then

One day he randomly shows up at your doorstep with your favorite flowers in one hand and a gift in the other (and also some snacks and sweets cause why the heck not)

I can see him gifting you something very meaningful, like a photo album with pictures of you two and places you went together or an entire playlist of songs that made him think of you

You thought it’d just be a normal hangout with your best friend

But then he tries to coyly recommend a song to you and asks you to listen to it and tell him what you think of it

5 seconds in you realize it’s actually him singing a self-made confession song for you

He gets embarrassed halfway through you listening to the song cause you keep staring at him with this touched expression on your face

But when the song’s over you’re just kind of left speechless until you tell him “me too.. I like you too” and it’s like his heart stopped skipping a beat and he was sent straight to heaven on earth

All in all just a really sweet and thoughtful confession asdfghjkl;

Yuta

Ever since Yuta realized how he felt toward you, he’s been trying his best to not impulsively blurt out that he likes you, especially because he’s not sure if it’s mutual

Occasionally can’t help but murmur “you’re so cute” under his breath when he’s spending time with you though

You know he tends to be quite playful and flirtatious around you, so whenever he tries to make advances you just play it off as him joking around (half the time he’s actually seriously stopping himself from stealing a kiss ngl)

One day he decides to ask you out on a date over the phone and you agree thinking it’s just him being goofy again cause what else could it be??

Yuta takes you on a hiking date, aiming to take you to this nice and scenic viewpoint and confess there

But things take a different turn when halfway through the hike you realize that he was actually being serious about this date and he realizes you thought he was playing around

Then he kind of goes off on this impulsive rant like ‘Damn it Y/N I’ve been flirting with you for an entire year why do you keep thinking I’m not being serious about this’ and yeah he kind of floops out that he’s been crushing on you ever since y’all met

So things didn’t really go as planned but you had a serious conversation about it and by the time you reached the viewpoint you were already holding hands and smiling fondly at each other :’)

Doyoung

Has been torn for weeks about how to confess to you and it’s showing

He wants to plan something that would make sure you knew how much he cared about you, so he scoured every possible source he could find, including the internet, all his good friends he could confide into, and even asked his parents who confessed to the other and how..

Anyways, when Doyoung meets up with you he still hasn’t made his mind about how to confess

And technically he wasn’t planning on doing so either, until he saw how battered up you looked from an ugly fall off the stairs last week and how you tried to hide that wearing a big hoodie and sunglasses

During winter

You thought he didn’t notice though until he kind of had enough of your act and just pulled off the hoodie from your head and took off your glasses to reveal this bigass purple bruise on your face, still evident beneath your make-up

Doyoung couldn’t help seeing you so vulnerable and inattentive toward your own wellbeing and so gave you an entire lecture nagging at you to be more careful

Over the next few days he comes by unannounced to check the safety of basically your entire home to make sure you wouldn’t trip again and also takes care of your bruise and minor grazes on your arms and knees

And it just so happened that he accidentally murmured “How did I fall in love with such a clumsy human being” just when he thought you didn’t hear it

You replied with “How did I fall in love with such a nagging mom-figure” and well, the rest is history :’)

Jaehyun 

Actually, you kind of knew for a while now that he probably had a crush on you because of that one time he accidentally sent a text to you that said “I don’t know what to do, should I confess to Y/N?”

You read the message before he quickly deleted it and since then both of you pretended that never happened

Anyways, I can see Jaehyun taking you out for a nice dinner at this new and trendy restaurant (complete with lit candles and fancy music and all)

He’d try his best to appear calm and composed, and he would’ve succeeded had his hands not been trembling when he poured more wine in both your glasses

Probably has this whole speech ready in his back pocket just in case he forgot what he wanted to say

But before he can start on that you casually say “So is this how you’re planning on confessing to me?” and Jaehyun automatically answers yes before he’s processed that you in fact knew all along how he felt for you

You let him finish his confession speech though cause he worked so hard on it, and you obviously accept to be his girlfriend

He even prepared a little surprise for you together with the staff, it was a cute cake with both your names in the shape of a heart

The date ends with you two talking and having fun conversations at the restaurant until it closed (and you had to be kicked out)

Jungwoo

I see so many ways in which Jungwoo would confess, simply cause he can be so shy and reserved but also really sassy and goofy at the same time

Anyways, I think he’d go for something a little more subtle than his hyungs would, kinda secret admirer style?

The first time you realized you had a secret admirer was when you found a note in your bag containing a compliment directed toward you and a cute drawing next to it

You thought it was really sweet and so Jungwoo continued sending you love notes and putting it in random but somewhat inconspicuous spots, like your locker, your books, etc.

This went on for a couple of months until one day Jungwoo decied it was time to make it known that he was the secret admirer, so he started announcing in a note that he was someone you knew well

That’s when you started finding notes at the most random of places: inside your phonecase, heck even the inside of your shoe

You had absolutely no clue who this person was and were growing kind of agitated at the fact that you couldn’t send him notes back, until Jungwoo slipped up once and complimented you in the exact same way as your secret admirer did

On the day he planned to confess, you were just casually studying together (or more like, you were trying to study and he was just staring at you boredly)

Jungwoo waited patiently until you finished, then told you you had something stuck in your hair

And as you reached for it, you found it to be a folded piece of paper stating “I like you”, with Jungwoo smiling knowingly at you

Mark

Would be a panicking mess, let’s be real

Asks all the hyungs for advice on what to do

Mark would take you to someplace special for the both of you, like the place you first met or where he first realized he has feelings for you

He wouldn’t hold a big speech or make it into a big event, he’d want to keep it simple and to the point so as not to burden you too much

I see him just wanting to make it a fun day when you two meet up, confession or not

Like a walk along the river or at a park, some icecream, maybe even biking or (roller)skating around and picknicking

Tries to find the right timing to break the news to you, fails miserably at doing so most of the time

You knew he had something to say though cause he avoided making direct eye contact with you throughout the entire day

But when he’s ready, he musters up all his courage, coughs a little as a way of making clear that he has something to say, and then just goes for it

Panics halfway through the confession, like he just turns into this shy blushy mess, especially when he stutters or messes up his words

Kinda rambles his way through it but looks you directly in the eye when he says that he likes you

Would add something like “I hope this doesn’t affect our friendship” after confessing cause that’s legit been the nr. 1 reason why he was hesitating confessing to you

Overall would be really nervous about it, but also very sweet and sincere!

Haechan

9/10 would go for an over the top public confession, just cause he can

You two met up at this arcade, your usual hangout spot to relieve yourselves from stress and play fun games together

You originally thought it would be just a normal day meeting up with your longtime friend, but turns out you were completely wrong 

Cause the minute you stepped into the venue, you were met with all kinds of festive decorations, balloons, and familiar faces shouting “SURPRISE!!!” at the top of their lungs

Turns out Haechan planned a surprise party for you complete with hilarious banners with him making heart signs

When you turned around to look at Haechan, he was kneeling on the floor holding a big bouquet of your favorite flowers and this giant teddy bear 

As he looked up to you, he asked you to be his girlfriend, to which you said yes and were met with a rainfall of confetti and cheering

You spent the day playing fun games with your boyfriend and friends

(And to Haechan’s discontent and envy, you kinda beat him at almost every arcade game there was to play)

[literaphobe]

oh...i have decided to simp

WAIT dfhsdjfjd i’m not hot and ripped i swear simping is not worth it anyway. i’m bored so here are some of my I May Be Strong moments:

i can piggyback my friends. and like run around as i do it. has happened on many occasions during PE. i just find it fun and anyone who has experienced it found it exhilarating 

i can bridal carry people. come to think of it i might have bridal carried my friends before but not very often. my mom and my sister i have bridal carried and i can dip people as i bridal carry them, so like i hold u at terrifying angles dhfsjdhfsjd 

in my last two years of high school we didn’t have lockers and we were always having different lessons in different classrooms and because i was lazy i would just leave everything in my bag and never packed it to take out stuff i didn’t need for a particular day. so my bag was always Full and one time one of my friends said “i know michelle’s super jacked because her bag is really heavy and every time we leave for next period she just throws it over her shoulder like it’s nothing” and i was like “wait. it’s heavy?” and one of my other friends who prided herself on being strong because she does taekwondo (she can kick you REAL hard) was like “what for real? let me try” and she tried to pick my backpack up from my chair and the weight of my bag dragged her arm and landed on the ground and i was like wtf and then i picked it up like i always do and we left for next class. the conclusion to this anecdote is that my adhd is so strong that my body has to adapt to cope

one time in drama camp we were playing this game where u gotta wear a piece of masking tape around ur wrist like a bracelet and the other team has to rip it off ur hand to eliminate u. anyway the other team ambushed me and was like “haha michelle ur all alone so just Give Up” but i’m competitive so even though there were over 10 people in the other team and they were all there i was like fucking come at me bitches ur not getting this tape off my wrist and so i pissed them off enough into actually ganging up on me not everyone in the group fought me but i’m pretty sure 8 girls actively tried wrestling my tape bracelet away from me at the same time so some of them grabbed my left arm some of them grabbed my right arm. i was holding onto my bracelet with my left hand, and these girls were trying to put their fingers under the bracelet too to like rip it off but i wouldn’t let go. and some people tried to grab my legs but i kicked before they got close so everyone just focused on my arms and hands, but even though they were all trying so hard they could not overpower me. eventually i started feeling sorry for all of them, i didn’t expect to be fighting this many people trying their very best to break my hold and to be just winning. obviously it hurt because they were genuinely using all their strength and it was just. many different hands and fingers tugging on my bones and skin and muscles. i didn’t really feel it but they were all whining about me being too strong and at some point one of them started CRYING. her fingers were stuck under my bracelet trying to pull it off and because other fingers were there too and i was holding on tight she couldn’t move her hand and it hurt so she was crying from the pain. and i was like damn :( ok i should stop defending and try escaping so i ripped my body away from them (i accidentally made a girl fall down during this process, i apologized to her GHHJGFGHJH) and then i ran away. in hindsight what a stupid thing to do but also it was kind of fun but also traumatic a little bit <3

idk if this last one counts as evidence of strength but during like drama camp One Year Later i was chilling with a friend and we walked up to some other friends who had been playing w the school piano. and something was terribly wrong. turns out my mlm best friend (he wasn’t my best friend at the time, this incident is actually what made him declare me his bestie) had been playing the piano and using a video on his phone as reference and something happened and his phone somehow dropped INSIDE the piano. like in the hardware. and upon my arrival my friends had all been trying to get it out for like half an hour at least. they were googling and watching videos and shit to like try. and my friend was so distraught :( he was on the verge of tears because the thought of getting the school involved made him really anxious. and so i was like Must Help Friend so i tried doing stuff too. now i don’t know how i did this but i kind of. ripped the piano apart. like. i just. dismantled something. and i pulled off the part of the piano u use to cover the keys when ur not playing. i just. broke the fucking piano. and everyone was like ??? michelle???? and i saw the phone in this like tiny narrow hole and i reached in and took it out. this happened within like a minute of me showing up. i took his phone out and everyone was like YAY and my best friend was so happy he hugged me. which was a big deal because he told me “i’m muslim and i can’t hug girls because it’s haram” and i was always fine with that but he broke his own rule without me even asking and hugged me :’) and then he sort of held my hand and just RAN which was terrifying because he’s like really tall and my legs are not as long as his and he was running really fast and i was afraid i was gonna fall down. anyway everyone was like michelle what do we do with this broken piano?? like u broke it?? so i just shoved it back in place like forced the hinges so it looked completely normal (but ofc if someone tried to rip it off like i did it would come off easily) and i said “yeah ok it looks like normal now! don’t worry u guys this piano is super old if anyone discovers it they’ll either blame themselves or just the piano being faulty. we probably won’t get in trouble.” and then we didn’t get into trouble :) 

[365-money-diary]

DAYS 43-49

DAY FORTY-THREE

7:30 AM - Up a little early so I can close on my house. The process is pretty easy and I feel safe about it and such. We do it on the front porch with 6 foot folding table.

8:30 AM - I need to re-caulk the side door trim before I can start painting so I do that while I make my chemex. This is fun (not) because I don’t own a caulk gun. 

10:30 AM - Eat a plant yogurt

12:00 PM - Snack on chips and salsa – damn the salsa I made is so good this time. Also make salad for lunch. I’m set up in the kitchen today which is clearly a bad scene because I keep going to the pantry for more snacks. Relocate to the bedroom.

2:00 PM - I really should get my barre class out of the way today. I have a 4PM happy hour and I know I won’t want to work out after that, so I do a 10 minute low impact ride and then start class.

4:00 PM - I get done with most of the class and hop on zoom. Make refried beans in the instant pot for dinner while we chat.

5:00 PM - Finish the zoom and knock out the last 10 minutes of barre. I don’t like to split the classes up like that but oh well. 

6:00 PM - Finish making the beans as well as rice and jackfruit for burritos. K isn’t hungry so I watch an episode of The Challenge before making the burritos.

7:30 PM - Ok these are really good. Dang! I don’t want to drink tonight so I open a La Croix and try to hydrate.

DAY FORTY-THREE TOTAL: $0

DAY FORTY-FOUR

8:00 AM - I’m awake and I feel really good. K is still pretty conked out and I get the idea to go to Cartel. I haven’t been in a few months because cases were super high but now seems like a good opportunity. This is the one thing I do behind K’s back. It’s contactless and it’s super safe so I don’t really consider it to be a risk but I know he isn’t ready to drink things directly out of containers they’re served in on the same day you buy them so let’s just leave this between us. Buy a hot oat milk latte and tip $10. $17.57 

10:00 AM - Make a chemex so K doesn’t suspect anything. Hang with him on the couch for a bit and then start moving around the furniture in the kitchen to start taping.

11:30 AM - Take a break to cook breakfast - tofu/egg tacos with field roast sausage.

12:15 PM - Back to taping. It takes forev, but I think I did a good job.

3:45 PM - First coat done. Watch an episode of The challenge before I apply the second.

5:30 PM - Done with the second. Watch more of the challenge.

7:00 PM - Dinner tonight is pozole. I take my time making it and drink a glass of wine while I cook.

8:00 PM - Dang this is so delicious.

DAY FORTY-FOUR TOTAL: $17.57

DAY FORTY-FIVE

9:00 AM - Woah I am SO SORE. What the hell? My quads. Make a chemex and work on putting the kitchen back together, but I run out of time and have to meet with S and her BF on zoom. K joins me and it’s a really good time. 

11:15 PM - Ok back to tape removal. 

12:15 PM - Done! / Looks good! Make more tofu tacos for breakfast.

2:00 PM - My boss is applying for citizenship in the US and she asked me to help build her a website. I have totally spaced it over the past two weeks and get cracking on it today. Make some good progress and send her what I have.

4:00 PM - Watch some episodes of The Challenge. For whatever reason this feels like the first time I’ve actually relaxed this weekend and I am here for it.

6:00 PM - We drive to a bar I DJ at on the reg during non-pandemic times to do a pick up of their Valentine’s Day special. Neither K or I are big V Day fans and we feel like this is good enough to “celebrate.” We get two veggie dogs, fries and a bottle of wine to take home. J (my friend who owns the bar) runs my card for $31ish and I tip $20. K insists he pays and he venmos me $50. $1.89

7:00 PM - I haven’t had fries in like… a year. And these ones are really delicious! The wine is good too. Spend the rest of the evening catching up on my blog. I haven’t felt very motivated to work on it this month.

8:00 PM - Get a charge from Amazon… S is buying movies again. Make a venmo request for $16 and she fulfills it. $0.19

DAY FORTY-FIVE TOTAL: $2.08

DAY FORTY-SIX

8:30 AM - WOW I am still sore WTF. Make a chemex and notice my tea kettle has a rust spot. Damnit. At this point, I would rather just buy an electric kettle with a gooseneck spout to get rid of both of my kettles, but I’m trying to stick to my budget this month. I’ve been covering K’s groceries throughout the pandemic and he owes me around $2k at this point. Because of this, I’ve kind of cut back on clothing and other frivolous purchases until he starts to pay me back so I can still save money every month. But rust is rust and I don’t want to get sick. Buy a Stagg EKG kettle with a nice wood handle. $160.62

10:00 AM - plant yogurt, a clementine and Pure Barre weekly charge. $15

12:00 PM - It’s salad time but I’m kind of out of tempeh and am a little burnt out on the miso Asian vibe anyways. Toss together some greens, bell pepper, onion, carrots, snap peas, cucumber, and a frozen Quorn spicy chicken patty and top it with cashew ranch. It’s honestly really good. 

4:00 PM - Call M to wish him a happy bday. Tell him either next Sunday or the Sunday after that we will do a lunch thing together in his backyard to celebrate. Drink a nuun while we chat.

5:15 PM - I do a pure barre workout but make the mistake of doing it on my work computer at the post-workday slacks are coming in hot this AM. My body’s HR doesn’t really pick up but I still feel proud of myself for pushing thru the soreness.

7:00 PM - K and I eat big burritos for dinner with jackfruit, beans, rice, lettuce, tofutti sour cream, cheeze, and jalapenos with chips and salsa. They’re so good and I am sad that we’re out of tortilla chips and salsa now.

8:00 PM - Since dinner was kinda big and I had fries yesterday, I spend the evening hydrating instead of drinking wine. K and I watch a 4 part docuseries on Elisa Lam & the Cecil Hotel. At some point he goes off to work on some stuff and I wrap up this website I’m building for my boss who is working on getting her green card.

DAY FORTY-SIX TOTAL: $175.62

DAY FORTY-SEVEN

9:00 AM - Make a chemex. Finish the site and send it to my boss who approves. Hopefully I don’t have to actually post it for her. I hate dealing with hosting and such. 

10:00 AM - I don’t really want yogurt today and find a small portion of tofu scramble leftover from Sunday. Heat that up and top with truffle hot sauce.

12:00 PM - Kill the rest of the salad ingredients today by making the same dish as yesterday but with peas instead of red bell peppers. Review the site I made for my boss. She sends me a $100 amazon gift card! How sweet.

5:00 PM - Get sucked in a meeting and am not able to leave until 5:30. I’m not interested in exercising this late so I zone out on the couch for a bit and snack on some gf pretzels. Start a new season of The Challenge. Drink a glass of wine.

7:00 PM - Heat up leftover pozole for dinner. Eat with K while we “watch” a hockey game. 

8:30 PM - Pour another glass of wine and chat on the phone with Q. I end up feeling super antsy halfway through our conversation and decide to take a walk. I do a nice loop down to the lake and back to my house. Next time we decide that we will walk together.

10:30 PM - I check my phone after our conversation to see 100 slack messages from various team members. Looks like there is something going on which will affect the report I have to give tomorrow. Read thru, ask some questions and feel good about what I have to change.

DAY FORTY-SEVEN TOTAL: $0

DAY FORTY-EIGHT

8:15 AM - Up a little early today so I can adjust my report. Make a chemex while I pull numbers.

9:30 AM - Present the info. It’s good stuff! My boss is out of town so I think today should be pretty chill. Get a note from my bank that the wire of leftover funds from the mortgage stuff has been transferred to my checking totaling $1250.39. 

12:00 PM - Make broccoli fried rice for lunch. Things turn chaotic for the rest of the day and by the time I know it, it’s 4:00 PM

4:15 PM - Decide to cut out early today and take a live barre class. 20 minutes in (10 minutes before 5), I get a message from my teammate asking to hop on zoom. She has computer issues so I’m actually able to finish the class before she’s ready. 

7:00 PM - Finally done working. Rinse off and make pasta for dinner. Drink 3 glasses of wine. 

9:30 PM - K and I play Mario Kart for a while before turning in.

DAY FORTY-EIGHT TOTAL: $0

DAY FORTY-NINE

8:30 AM - Today has to be more chill than yesterday… It just has to be. Make a chemex. See that my hair dresser is selling shirts for her shop. Venmo her. $25

12:00 PM - Prep chicken seitan shreds. Broccoli fried rice for lunch with seltzer. 

1:30 PM - Finish making the seitan, eat an apple, gf pretzels and carrots. I realize I forgot to eat breakfast this AM. Ugh.

5:00 PM - My butt is super sore from yesterday but I do my barre workout anyways. It’s so nice to not be interrupted. My cal burn is low but I don’t even care. It’s just nice to move.

6:00 PM - Rinse off and prep dinner. We make buffalo chicken sandwiches with roasted potatoes. They turn out pretty good and I’m excited to eat them over the next few days.

8:00 PM - Drink a glass of wine. I google if I can have more since I’m getting the COVID vaccine tomorrow and it seems like one is ok but maybe not more so I decide against it.

DAY FORTY-NINE TOTAL: $25

[gravitasfalls]

A rant on fandom etiquette, the GF fandom, and what they did 4 years ago (and now)

By now, my “bullshit” tag has refuted most of the ridiculous hot takes, fun policing, and harassment that fans of Stanford Pines have had to face from the wider Gravity Falls fandom. But these rebuttals fall short of naming the real problem with anti-Ford wank: we never should have seen it in the first place.

People might have genuinely forgotten this, but fandom used to have etiquette against character hate. We called it “wank” and “bashing” instead of dignifying it as “discourse”. As late as 2014, fandoms on this very site had “X hate” or “anti-X” tagging systems for blacklisting, as courtesy to people who liked X thing...

...a far cry from GF fans of 2015 demonizing Ford in the most inexplicable ways, making every post a platform for that, siccing their followers on anyone fully positive about him, then pretending that never happened post-finale as they continue the bashing more insidiously to this day.

Like, what even was that? There’s a lot to unpack in those people’s arguments but let’s just throw out the whole suitcase.

(Under the cut: Snapshots of discourse I shouldn’t have had to put up with over the years, and snark-based coping with that. It gets ugly, you’ve been warned.)

Ford is irredeemable/deserves to suffer, why he didn’t even thank Stan!!1

Thanks I hate it! “It” being your apparent decision that, because you can’t make the fictional character suffer, real people who like him are the next best thing.

Ford is egotistical! Have I mentioned on literally every post I think his only trait is “egotistical”?

You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means. But while that is just, like, your opinion man, you’re entitled to it on your own posts; you’re falsely entitled about it by forcing it on dissenters’ posts and inboxes.

*dumps negativity into inboxes anyway*

Your Hot Takes have disturbed and insulted me. You fools are unworthy of my great knowledge. The era of human enlightenment shall never come to pass.

You really think Ford is some kind of hero?

Only after you told me I wasn’t Allowed to see him as one and I Examined My Desires™ like you demanded! Funny how critical thinking ≠ agreeing with you.

Ford is your favorite? WHY DO YOU HATE MABEL.

Better question, why are you copying “WHY DO YOU HATE AMERICA” logic? 9/11 did fan drama I swear

Ford is NOT PURE OF HEEEAAART, so you have to Constantly Explicitly Acknowledge his Sins and interrogate what relating to him says about you.

I got no friends ‘cause they read the papers. It’s funny, actually, projecting onto him got me dangerously close to processing some negative experiences from my past... good thing I have you here to shut those thoughts down <3 Thanks for saving me from myself uwu

If you just want to project onto a comfort character in peace, Stan is right there! His lack of fantasy elements makes him more relatable anyway!

Ford brought Bill’s manipulation on himself!

Damn fandom, back at it again with the GROSS VICTIM BLAMING

FFS why is this take as prominent now as ever??? at least the outlandish criticisms were funny, this one just makes me want to be dead.

Ford is abusive/manipulative because he doesn’t make fun of Dipper/ made a case for his apprenticeship/ called Mabel good/ complimented her personality!

(Yes, people did these mental gymnastics; yes, my soul left my body instantly.)

STOP trying to justify Ford’s actio-ma’am this is an Arby’s. also:

Ford is the Epitome of Toxic Masculinity, if you defend him either he’s your Male Power Fantasy or you’re a ditzy fangirl broad with ovaries for brains!

Ah yes, the two genders. Pack it in, everyone, we’ve reached peak feminism and patriarchy is over.

Someone negativity-tagged my Ford post, WTF?! I’m not “anti-Ford”, I’m “pro Ford-learning-a-lesson”!

And pro his-fans-never-having-a-moment-of-peace, apparently! Sorry I assumed you were a hater by your complete lack of positive things to say about him tho

Ford is a sociopath/deserves death for having no empathy!

"Tumblr is as ableist as any majority-conservative site," I say into the mic. The crowd boos. I begin to walk off in shame, when a voice speaks and commands silence from the room. "You’re right," they say. I look for the owner of the voice. There in the 3rd row stands: tumblr.

*Dozens of 10000+ note posts calling Ford stupid, manipulative, solely at fault for everything that went wrong, other inanities*

(This is the fandom that made me get Xkit. I’m sure hundreds of my 1000+ blocked posts are theirs.)

If you like Ford on any terms but ours then I’m sorry, but Gravity Falls just isn’t for you, k?

I don’t have a flippant response to this one. Just... stop. No one has to agree with you about this character; no, nor with me. No one even has to engage with fandom moralistically; I promise it wouldn’t hurt anyone if I were to watch this show without having to Interrogate its Morality. It wouldn’t even hurt if people voiced character hate within reasonable bounds of tagging, as I’ve said. But instead they spread it like the plague in the name of Purity and insinuated (using ages-old “ur a fake fan!!1″ no less) that we don’t get to have outlets. I’m tired.

Look at my hilarious/satisfying art of Ford saying OOC strawman things, Stan beating him up, the kids turning their backs on him! (Srsly look at it I’ve put it in all the tags)

You’re madness, Gravity Falls fandom. Virulent madness. And everything you touch dies with you.

This is only a fraction of shit we’ve had to wade through, practically every day while the show was running. You couldn’t avoid it if you followed popular blogs. I saw the best meta writers of my fandom dogpiled by BNFs, dragging themselves through the blue hellsite at dawn looking for a fix-it fix. And people now expect me to believe it was “just Discourse” or that anything equivalent happened “in reverse” toward Stan. If I didn’t know better that they don’t know better, I’d call gaslighting.

I don’t expect to change anything. In fact, until this blog’s next go-around I don’t intend on seeking out new content anymore. I can’t keep looking at a fandom where the consensus on a canonically abused character’s victimization is that it was stupid, funny, a moral failing, or deserved, and expect anything to improve.

But to anyone else these people hurt: your anger or upset is valid, and I’m sorry. None of us deserved this. And I’m not letting it follow me into the next decade and make me forget why I liked this show in the first place, even if the only way to do that right now is cut off from the fandom a bit. I’m telling you, it never should have come to that. I don’t know if negativity-tagging can ever catch on here, considering tumblr has no boundaries by design and fandom no boundaries by choice... but for the sake of everyone who comes next, Gravity Falls fandom, make an effort.

[a-queer-seminarian]

free will, predestination

So i’m reading through my Presbyterian Heritage and Polity notes in preparation for my ordination exams next week and figured I’d throw all the theology that confuses me most into one text post.

Providence and Free Will

According to Calvin, God is a micro-manager:

There is no moment in your life when God is not with you, actively loving you in that moment

At its best, providence means that God is active in all parts of the world

And then this is where it gets bizarre and confusing and i just gotta be like Calvin. honey. no.

Because Calvin’s idea of free will is the compatibilist idea – free will is compatible with divine determinism

Shannon’s example: Today I put on a green shirt; God determined that I would put that green shirt on. I had the agency, I had to go through the process of choosing the shirt and putting it on, but it would not have happened if God had not determined it.

So like, I did use free will to pick my shirt – but God also made it happen. Somehow…both…are true

Everything has two layers: human agency & intention, and divine agency & intention.

Meanwhile, other theologians have another take on free will – the incompatibilist idea (Gustavo Guierrez is on this team and so am i)

God limits Hir power, gives us room to do things that are against the will of God

SO YEAH, Calvin alludes to Amos being like, “There is no evil in the city but God has done it” – like, if something bad happened it’s because God determined it will.

I just. Nope. Sorry guess it’s just the Catholic in me jumpin out but No Evil Thing Comes From God thank you very much

Shannon spent so much time and energy trying to make this make sense for us and trying to explain how the heck Calvin could believe this stuff, I love you Shannon you work so hard. has the seminary given you a raise lately? they should

Calvin’s context is key to understanding why he thinks what he does about free will

he was writing in a time of communal danger -- his community had been kicked out of the Church and exiled from their country, and feared violence from several sides

what he was saying is that no matter how messed up everything seems, we are actually safe as kittens in the hands of God 

There is no part of what is happening that is beyond God’s control and loving care

see like. I agree with that wholeheartedly. God deeply cares about what’s going on – but I can only imagine Xe has limited Hir control over what’s going on or bad shit wouldn’t happen

But yeah Shannon was like “when it’s communal endangerment like what Calvin’s little community of excommunicated refugees were going through, this theology is comforting. When it’s individual pain like a rape or abuse, it’s less comforting. When it’s suffering viewed on a global scale, that’s also less comforting”

Shannon admits she doesn’t believe that even Calvin himself would believe this stuff today – his view of suffering was so local; we now see suffering across the centuries and across the world and how race and gender and all play into that

“I don’t think it really works to say let’s take this theology and apply it to individual cases where it would be harmful, or this massive case of race across the last six hundred years”

Which is basically her way of saying we shouldn’t go with his view of free will these days i’m pretty sure. Whew. Thank you, Shannon

Okay, you know, I do kinda get it…like. If you are in a community like Calvin’s (or like ancient Judah when people wouldn’t stop conquering them and their sister nation just got frickin. wiped out.) and you are Completely Powerless, your survival depending on the Whims of rulers who don’t give a damn about you….it makes sense that thinking that everything, even the Bad, is being pre-ordained by God.

Like, “my life is not just determined by the shitty choices made by people in the past or present, but also by a God who intends good for me.”

…But then Calvin loses me again because when it comes to wondering why God decided to make the world like this – why God not only allows but apparently determines suffering –

Calvin is like, “uh that curiosity is a sin.” Calvin says you’re not supposed to ask those questions – that asking questions is good but there’s a limit

Uh, dude, ya ever read Habakkuk?? we’re allowed to ask God why

Anyway, as if that weren’t all baffling enough it’s time for the really hard part --

Predestination!!

So. One of the core beliefs of Reformed theology is that no part of us is not tainted by sin -- if we were pools of water and sin were ink, we’d see that the ink has permeated the whole pool, not just parts of it.

Therefore, as Shannon says, “it would be really bad news if our salvation were based on getting it right” -- our wills are so bound up by sin, we would not be able to save ourselves.

“Help, we’ve fallen and we can’t get up”

Luckily, no part of our salvation is up to us -- it’s all up to God

“it would be logical, Calvin says (i personally disagree bc dude wtf), for God to just throw us all away – but God decides to save all of us. What this means is that our eternal state, whether we are in heaven or hell, has no causal relation with our works on the planet. How we behave does not determine whether we go to heaven or hell. It’s God decision, made before we are born, not based on how we’re gonna be – God just decides.”

That being said...

“If God decides we are among the elect, we get some goodies – and that can help us screw up a little less in the world. But God’s grace comes first; we still cannot save ourselves on our own”

The “goodies” Shannon’s talking about are like, virtues or something; a desire to do good -- so like, we can have a pretty good idea of who is “elect” based on their actions (i’m not a fan of this and Shannon admits it’s been used to judge and stuff)

“So God saves us, and we respond to that with gratitude.”

Why this idea was a big deal back in the day, whether you agree or not:

Calvin’s idea of predestination was the ultimate stripping of power from the Roman Catholic Church – God decides, not the pope or bishops or priests; it’s not based on how good I am or how much money I have for indulgences

Some context:

Calvin is teaching all this to people who are studying to be pastors. They’re going to be going back to places where they can be killed for these beliefs – they are scared they will be murdered, and most of all they are scared they will recant under torture.

Calvin tells them: God has already saved you. You would not be in this room if God had not. If you recant, it does not undo that fact. – incredibly comforting for them

So don’t be scared – instead, you can respond to God’s grace

The idea of being “elect” should not cause one to be proud but act with humility

It is radically against Calvin’s predestination to imagine you are superior for your elect status; you have nothing to do with it

You should never be proud and judging other people for not being “good Christians.” You were not saved because you were a good Christian. You are learning how to be a good Christian because God saved you while you were a screw-up.

There is no illusion of meritocracy in Calvin’s grace theology – grace is free. No one earns it.

Okay. So. there are actually two “kinds” of predestination you can believe in:

Double Predestination:

God picked some people for heaven and picked some for hell

“I think that the number of PCUSA Presbyterians who believe in double predestination can be counted on two hands”

Single Predestination:

everyone is originally headed to hell, but God picks some for heaven (God didn’t elect anyone to hell as in double predestination; i.e. God does not actively damn anyone, God just doesn’t actively save them)

And another option based on that:

You can argue that grace is free for absolutely everybody -- everyone has been elected, predestined for heaven

Barth is one who says that every human being is predestined to heaven

What about atheists and/or non-Christians?

faith is a requirement but also a gift

broaden the idea of what the response to being elected is

did Calvin assume everyone elect was in the church? yes. But his theology does not actually require it.

maybe a faithful response can mean more than blatant assent to Christ

___

The monster under the bed of all this predestination stuff is the Protestant Work Ethic that developed from it after Calvin’s death

everyone trying to demonstrate that they are among the elect by being better

that’s the exact opposite of Calvin’s point!

this attempt to prove we’re elect evinces our sinful nature:

oh, we don’t work to earn our salvation? okay, we’ll work to prove it instead

and a pit of guilt:

some of us feel like we have to work nonstop for the betterment of the world as we live out our salvation

the theological definition of pride is the attempt to justify your own life

“I know that my life is worthwhile because I have these friends, I’ve accomplished these things, I help these people” 

Calvinist theology says No, your life has already been justified and you didn’t have anything to do with it. And now you live that out in gratitude and grace of others.

To sum all this up,

There’s a lot of Calvin’s thoughts here that I don’t think I agree with. I absolutely do not believe that evil things are determined or willed in any way by God -- but I do understand a little better the context that led Calvin to believing that.

I also only like a Predestination that argues that all humanity has been elected -- because “God shows no partiality” -- how or why would God only have chosen some of us sinners and not others? Is God arbitrary?

Still, I like how this theology of Predestination was part of Calvin’s attempts to do away with meritocracy. That’s something so many of us, especially people like me who are white and act like we are successful because of our own merit (we “pulled ourselves up by our own bootstraps” without regard for all the unearned privileges that support our economic well-being) could stand to learn. We don’t earn salvation -- it’s a gift. If we truly grasped that, we would be liberated from our sense of guilt and shame and from our pride.

But even though I get it a little better, I really hope that predestination does not show up on the exams next week.

[smores100]

once again we’re in full agreement lol. What’s your take on s3 remakes you’ve watched? Wondering how you feel about Skam FR as it’s kind of a similar situation to me where the chemistry & beauty is there but the writing and style is iffy (overwrought &overdramatic). My favorite s3 is druck. As a wlw I had high hopes for españa but it was p slow/v desexualized—a whole discussion, but my other gay friend & I were disappointed given how remakes with guys don’t hold back in that respect.. Thoughts?

Honestly re: wtfock tho I really do wonder if they had like one good writer in the room surrounded by fools. Bc it really does feel like some group projects I’ve been in where I feel like I’m the only one who’s not a fucking fool and carry the whole thing while having to fend off bad ideas (but when the majority rules, those bad ideas/execution get put in). I wonder if that’s what happened w wtfock.

re: wtfock, lol group projects are the worst….idk what wtfock’s writing process was like, but i’d love to know it. according to their wiki there were 3 writers this season? all seem to be male, naturally. did the two other writers have good ideas but there was a main writer who overruled them and did his own thing? or maybe they’re the rl one brain cell squad, that would explain a lot :p in any case, i’m unimpressed (friday’s clips did not help with that).

as for the other part of your ask….oh damn i have so many Thoughts on that, lol. this is probably gonna get long and messy, but you asked for it!

* druck - my absolute favorite. it’s the only one i’ve watched since s1, so that definitely played a part in my emotional investment and attachment. still, there was more to it than that. it was the closest to og imo in vibe and style (it felt small, real, lowkey, quiet, natural like og, as opposed to - as you said - overwrought and overdramatic + overproduced like the others); they cast an actual trans guy to play a trans character, if you wanna talk about a skam remake doing something REVOLUTIONARY? druck is the one; i loved matteo’s and david’s characterizations, how they both had a bit of isak and even in them, and the role reversal in some scenes, made things feel fresh *and* fit their characters/story; i LOVE that teens matteo and david were played by actual teens michi and lukas!! they’ve completely ruined me for all other remakes, bc thissssss is how it’s supposed to be! thisssss is how it should look like! THEY ARE KIDDOS. and they (druck and michi/lukas) truly captured what it’s like to be young and fall in love for the first time, the awkwardness and the nervousness and stuttering and fumbling around, the softness and pureness and innocence of it all!!! also they have THE BEST dynamic - other people might prefer all the hot kissing and steamy making out and the smouldering looks, but me? i just couldn’t get enough of their dumb chaotic energy, best friends who love each other deeply and are also constantly little shits to one another. gimme them pranking each other and playfighting every day! and then being soft and THE HANDS and matteo being a clingy koala basking in david’s affection :3 i also loved how for the most part they didn’t just copy/paste og’s storyline, they made some changes and knew how to make *other* changes accordingly for it to make sense and fit the story *they* were telling - for example, replacing the ‘call your gf’ scene with matteo’s panic attack/breakdown (one of my fave scenes), or their reunion at the end of ep 7 (replacing the desperate kissing + sex with a comforting and relieved yet also bittersweet and melancholic hug), or even matteo getting advice from his drug dealer instead of the school’s doctor, lol. also THE BEST BOY SQUAD, hands down. and matteo is my favorite isak bc to me he felt like his own character instead of just another isak, he was different and reletable and a constant Mood. that being said - it wasn’t perfect and it had its issues. there were a few times when i did feel they stuck too close to og scenes and it didn’t *entirely* work for me, just felt a bit off; i will forever be disappointed that they didn’t directly address and acknowledge matteo’s mental state/depression, bc there were enough signs imo to indicate that he did suffer from something. they mentioned ‘therapy’ in mia’s, alex’s and kiki’s cases, i truly thought they would with matteo as well, but alas, they dropped the ball on that one; i was extremely upset with david’s outing, but i’ve since calmed down and have managed to see it in a more positive light, tho i still have mixed feelings about it and am not fully on board with that decision, still wish it had been done differently (but at least! it wasn’t brushed off and was addressed immediately and eventually led to david having agency and yelling out his pain!!! which was good and important and cathartic); also eps 8 and 9 were pretty messy writing-wise, things either didn’t make sense or would’ve made more sense had the clips were organized differently (that random ping pong clip….?). overall tho, the good outweighed the bad, and it remains my fave

* skam france - now that’s a tricky one. the way i felt about it in the first half of the season, is different from the way i felt about it in the second half of the season, is different from the way i feel about ever since watching druck’s s3. it’s funny you should say how similar it is to wtfock for you, bc i’ve been thinking the same thing for quite some time. those neighboring countries sure have a shared flair for the dramatic! fr’s s3 was pretty much the first s3 i watched (i gif-watched half of skamit, couldn’t get into it). i wasn’t planning to (i was extremely unimpressed by the couple of s1 eps i tried watching, and same by axel’s acting in those first two seasons), but even is the loml and they got me gooood with their eliott pov trailer, which might have affected my excitement over it during the first half. back then i really enjoyed it for the most part, despite some clips being rushed or missing the point thus not fully having the required effect (their locker room scene, for example, or the ‘generalizations are bad’ convo), or how much i hated basile (a character so obviously written by a man it’s amazing), or the cheesy piano music. there were enough good things for me to focus on instead (more in a bit) that i could ignore the things i didn’t like or weren’t as good imo. however, all the positivity got sucked out of me when yann noped tf out after lucas came out to him bc WAY TO MISS THE POINT OF SKAM!!! and things went downhill after the director’s IT’S NOT DISNEYLAND IT’S FRANCE 2019 comment. i’m getting all upset just thinking about it, but to say *that*, to explain that horrendous decision bc lowkey homophobic reactions are realistic!!! only to THEN be all ‘haha jk yann isn’t homophobic! we just wanted you to *think* he was! he’s actually an awesome friend who took several days to reflect on all his past wrongdoings while his bff was at home having a nervous breakdown bc he believed his bff hated him!’ ughhhhhhhhh, miss me with that shit. great that they had yann apologizing for his past comments, but the way in which it was done was for pure shock value and angst, completely ooc for his character (all season he was all ‘tell me tell me tell me let me help let me help let me help’ only to do *that*?? nahh), and interesting how out of everyone the only black character was the only one with a negative reaction (remind you of anyone), highlighted even more during ep 7 aka the ott lucas coming out tour. then ep 8, that should have been 100% all lucas and eliott and building up to eliott’s manic episode suddenly had that weird random pov changing clip in the middle of it which truly wtf, basile was still basile, lucas thanked chloe for outing him, more scenes felt rushed, they had sex in school where people could come and go in front of huge windows in broad daylight and luckily didn’t get poisoned from licking all that paint! and i did not like the flatshare, i absolutely hated mika and lisa kicking lucas out of his room - which he pays rent for! - and manon not even trying to put up a fight, and them being like ‘roommate isn’t just a place, it’s a way of living. that’s a family, and you’re more like a cousin.’ ‘a second cousin.’ ughhhhhh and then when eliott was recovering from his depressive episode, they *still* didn’t give lucas his room back or at least let eliott stay there, he was sleeping on the couch, i’m aldjlajdafj. can’t believe i’m gonna say it, but TAKE NOTES FROM WTFOCK. tl;dr there were some good moments in the second half, but i was feeling bitter more often than not about certain things, so my enjoyment wasn’t as high as when it first started. and after watching druck, druck’s brand is definitely much more my style. plus, i was already struggling with making myself believe axel and maxence were in their teens, but after druck it’s completely impossible, so i just pretend they’re in college or something lol. all my issues with it aside, i’d still rate it higher than wtfock, bc overall the writing was better, more coherent, and made much more sense. i also liked lucas’ friendship with the girls; i loved that instead of copying the underwater kiss + 21:21 like some others have, they came up with their own thing i.e. polaris, which i thought was lovely; the lucas/manon crying in the middle of the night together in front of the tv was one of my fave scenes of the season; also love how we were introduced to eliott on the first week! and they spent time together! and specifically the piano playing scene, ohhhh; and in general elu are sweet and i reeeeally like axel and maxence and their friendship. so yeah, it had some major issues, but i’d rather have a coherent story with something done for shock value and drama ONCE than an incoherent story with several shock value moments.

* skam espana - sorry to hear you girls were disappointed! i only watched half of it, so i can only comment on what i saw. i decided to binge watch s1 and give s2 a shot when i heard they were giving cris isak’s story - it felt a bit weird to me, but it was also something different and new, and i did have an appreciation for their decision to have a wlw season (also much more revolutionary to me than showing a gay bashing), so i was intrigued and willing to try it. sadly i didn’t really vibe with s1? it’s totally a personal preference i think, maybe even a cultural thing idk, but it felt very fast and loud and hectic to me, idrk how to explain it. i was just more into the chill more lowkey vibe of druck and skamnl. but i still gave s2 a shot, and idk, it still wasn’t my cup of tea. i thought it was ok for the most part, but there were some things that bothered me - joana/cris felt underdeveloped to me? and things b/w them felt like they were moving so fast from the second they met, like jona was so intense and forward ALL THE TIME, they had like 6 almost kisses in a really short time, like shhh slow down. i remember disliking their ‘call your gf’ scene, it felt really petty and kinda mean to me? bc i felt like joana came on to cris *really* strongly and *very* frequently, so cris was more than entitled to feel hurt and betrayed when she found out joana had a bf, but then cris was kissing a dude and joana positioned herself and her bf in front of cris so she’d see them kissing too, and i just didn’t like bc seriously?? cris is valid, just apologize to her and explain?? idr much else tbh, they had some really cute and sweet scenes afterwards, i’m still against doing the underwater kiss + 21:21 so i was kinda meh about that (tho aesthetically speaking it was BEAUTIFUL, and i’m like, fiiiiine girls deserve an underwater kiss too, i’ll allow it just this once!), and that cuddling clip in ep 6 i think was sweet and the last one i watched. like i said, i was less vibing with this remake, and iirc it was going on during druck’s s3 and skamnl’s s2 - which were my faves, plus skamfr was on too i think and i was lowkey following it too, so….there was just too much all at once and something had to go, and it was skamesp. it was also around the time when panaphobia-gate happened, so *shrugs* i’m not wlw myself so your opinion on it being desexualized is probably more valid than mine? i just know when i did watch, there was a lot of kissing and making out and being cute and touchy with each other, so i thought it was ok? as i’ve mentioned before, i don’t need to see a naked butt or anything like that to *get* it lol, i thought they were lovely! but that’s just me. i will say that my faaaave part was most definitely the cris/amira friendship. they were so wonderful! one of the best skam friendships imo. i might one day go back and finish the season just for the heck of it, but they didn’t do anything major or highly offensive that made me have negative feelings towards it, it was just a personal preference + circumstances (too many remakes!) that made me be less into it and drop it before the end.

[mtvswatches]

Jane the Virgin 1x15 Chapter Fifteen

Spoilers disclaimer (please read before sending messages or writing comments.)

Click here for previous recaps!

Stray thoughts

1) I really like how the show has found a way to sneak political commentary without being too political…

JANE: What's the deal with the electoral college?

XIOMARA: Turns out this whole electoral college thing is crazy. We're not even actually voting for our president.

JANE: I know. We're voting for electors who are then pledged to a candidate.

XIOMARA: What?! Then why'd you ask?

JANE: Because you've voted in two elections. It was time you understood the process.

It’s also a small yet relevant moment between Jane and Xiomara because it portrays what type of mother Xiomara is. Jane asks her a lot of questions Xiomara doesn’t have the answers for, yet she doesn’t dismiss Jane’s queries or tells her it’s not important. Instead, she probably goes “I don’t know, but let’s find out.” It’s a very nurturing approach, in my opinion, because you’re telling your kid A) that’s it okay to admit that you’re ignorant, even if you’re a parent, B) it’s okay to ask questions, especially to ask “why.” And C) there are ways to find answers to your questions.

2) Oh, I get this…

JANE: Mom, what does love feel like?

XIOMARA: Why?

JANE: Just curious. How do you know for sure you're in love?

XIOMARA: It sort of feels like your heart is glowing, if that makes sense.

That’s why in the first few episodes we could see Jane’s heart glowing whenever she was around Rafael. That’s the idea of love she’s built in her mind because that’s what her mom told her so many years ago.

3) Aww!

4) “I love you” “I love you so much” blaaaa! Am I the only one who thinks this is all too sudden? Please, this is the one question that I want you guys to answer. When you were at this point in the story, did you feel their relationship was rushed? Am I the only one who wasn’t in insta-love with them as they are with each other? Was this ship universally shipped immediately? Just say yes or no.

Well, at least they’re not moving in together yet. Although they might be by the end of this episode, probably.

5) Rogelio is going to be in a sci-fi telenovela, and I think that’s the best concept ever?

6) Ay, Xiomara…

7) Well, I may not be a fan of Michael, but…

Not only does he know Jane but he is also very supportive of her interests. That’s cool.

8) I think this kind of supports my theory that Jane might actually be the narrator in the show?

NARRATOR: Jane threw herself into her writing with a renewed energy and passion. And when Jane's writing was flowing, it was as if she had been transformed into another person, a woman named Juana.

The idea that she feels like someone else when she’s writing could easily be translated into her having a different voice as that person, you know? In this case, the voice of a Latino hunk.

9) Regardless of how I feel about this ship, this definitely was an amazing way to propose…

10) Damn!

That is so not what someone proposing wants to hear. But, as great as the proposal was, you really need to be super sure that you’re in a committed relationship in which both of you are on the same page and want the same things. Jane had declined his offer to move in together because she felt she wanted to take things one step at a time, even if they’d started their relationship all backward. The fact that he thought Jane would say yes just because that’s “the right order” to do things she’d envisioned her whole life further proves that they really don’t know each other at all.

11) And Xiomara and Alba are back at being Jane’s angel and demon on her shoulder. And again, I side with Xiomara. I tend to always see things through a similar lens than her.

12) Petra must be planning something. Is she going to make Lachlan bus tables or something?

13)

14) Ay, Alba, taking a compatibility test from a magazine is really NOT the answer…

15) Uh-oh…

I swear to god, if they finally fucking address this in a proper way with a sensible resolution, I will feel so vindicated.

16) Oh, what a fucking douchebag!

I hope he gets murdered, seriously. And Rafael, don’t you dare team up with this fucking piece of trash.

17) And as she’s questioning how much Rafael knows her, she runs into Michael and is reminded of how much he knows her. Gotta admit, the flashback where she was reading to him was kind of sweet.

18) Wow, indeed.

XIOMARA: I'm a little late. And I missed a pill or two this month. And I'm worried I might be pregnant.

He’s definitely not taking it too well, but he did really try to make Xiomara feel okay and not freak her out by freaking out.

19) Oh. Xiomara made it look like it was a joke, and now she’s getting the real reaction. This is not going to go down well.

20) I mean…

I get that they were trying to make a point of how little they know each other, but maybe they should’ve gone with something other than Jane testing how supportive of her passion he is because that’s probably the only thing he’s done well since day one. He’s always been the one pushing her to become a writer instead of a teacher, so, as much as I agree they really don’t know each other AT ALL, it doesn’t make sense for him to be unsupportive.

21) Oh, you got me good, show!

22) And what do you know? Jane is the one who messed up. Why would you tell him that “he passed a test”? I get why Rafael would be hurt, that’s not a good way to build trust with your partner and communicate.

23) I don’t know why but I’m not buying Aaron’s saint persona. I think he’s a closeted asshole who is trying to manipulate Petra. Like, that whole, “I won’t judge you” spiel he gave her right before they ate. If you won’t judge, then there was no reason to bring that stuff up right before she started eating.

24) Oh, Rafael, I really hope you’re coming clean to Petra to team up with her because if you’re really trying to blackmail her I will fucking lose my shit…

25) Ouch.

XIOMARA: My period is late.

JANE: But you're on the pill.

XIOMARA: I forgot one. Or two.

JANE: Mom…

XIOMARA: I know. I know. And I knew we should wait, but we got so caught up in the moment.

JANE: Caught up in the moment? You're not 16.

XIOMARA: It was an accident.

JANE: No. No, it wasn't. Me standing here pregnant, that's an accident. You were reckless. I mean, what's your plan? Are we gonna be pregnant together? Did you want to raise these babies like sisters?

XIOMARA: No. Look, I didn't have a plan…

JANE: Yeah, I know. Again. I'm sorry. I just thought… I don't know.I just thought that you would be more thoughtful if you thought about having another kid. Because of… Well, Me.

I get why Jane feels this way, but Xiomara is at a completely different place than she was when she got pregnant with Jane. She’s not a teenager anymore, and she’s already a mom. So whatever happens, she really doesn’t need a lecture because she’ll take care of her kid.

There’s also this underlying judgment every time motherhood comes up in a conversation between these two. Jane always makes it look as if Xiomara has been a terrible, absentee mother who did a terrible job and ruined Jane’s life by raising Jane on her own as a single mother. And… everything that I’ve seen so far proves otherwise? Xiomara is an amazing mother. She’s caring, supportive, understanding, loving, and honest. She may not be a traditional mom, and she might be a bit clueless at times, but she’s not a bad mom by any means, and the way Jane refers to her childhood and upbringing paints Xiomara in a very negative light. Jane is basically telling her that she’s going to ruin another baby’s life, and that’s kind of unfair. Like, what is so wrong and awful about being a single parent?

26) WTF

27) Yes, Petra, that is such a bold, courageous move!

RAFAEL: I didn't release the tape. It must have been Lachlan. I would never do something like that.

PETRA: Lachlan didn't release the tape. I did.

RAFAEL: What?! But why?

PETRA: Because as long as it existed, he could hold it over my head.

28) Good, Petra and Rafael are teaming up against Lachlan. Although it’s still unclear why Rafael told her he had the tape, his motives were left unexplained and it bugs me.

29) Jane should fucking follow her own advice…

So then date Rogelio and see where it goes. But go slowly. Take it step by step.

30) See? Xiomara is a fucking great mom, okay? So Jane’d better stop mom-shaming her from now on, I’ve had it.

XIOMARA: The time you found Michael's list in the book. That night the smile on your face you were so happy. Even though you'd only known each other a year, you didn't have any questions.

JANE: But it wasn't right.

XIOMARA: That's not the point. You know what it's like to be sure.

31) Good, she finally admitted that they’re moving too fast and that marriage is not a good idea just yet.

32) Why…?

This seems like a cheap gimmick? Why didn’t she tell her? She was about to, and then the author told her she liked a quiet massage, and she just accepted it?

33) Poor Rogelio…

Peach just doesn’t make him pop.

34) Aww, they’re moving in together! Xiomara and Rogelio, I mean. Not Jane and Rafel, ew.

35) ….

Like, I want Rafael and Jane not to be together because it doesn’t feel right to me, I’m not into it, but I don’t know if I want her to be with Michael either?

36) I knew it! I knew this dude wasn’t a saint!

37) Hope you enjoyed my recap, and, as usual, if you’ve got this far, thank you for reading! If you enjoy my recaps and my blog, please consider supporting it on ko-fi.Thanks!

[squidgytoebeans]

The Telstra Saga Continues.

If you’ve been following me long enough, you’ll probably know all about the issues hubby and I have been having with Telstra, one of the largest telecommunications providers here in Australia.

Buckle up folks, it’s gonna be a long one...

If you already know the backstory you can skip to the section after the sentence “So here’s where the new nonsense starts” for the new gory details.

We were without internet for almost three months when we first moved here because the previous tenant had no cancelled her account after she moved out. Then, even though we had documented proof that we live here now, when they rang her to ask if they could disconnect the line, she said she still lived here... because she didn’t wanna pay the $178 bill. For three months this woman held out phone/internet line hostage and Telstra, who own the line, said they couldn’t do anything about it. Anyway, ancient history, that problem was solved eventually when she finally gave them a date of when she was “going to move out”.

Then for over 12 months after that we battled with them over a slow connection that they kept telling us was “fine on their end” and refusing to send a technician out. Then when they finally caved and sent someone out that man was incredibly rude and sexist towards me (rolling his eyes at my husband every time I spoke even though I have a Diploma in IT and know more about these kinds of things than my husband) and didn’t touch a single thing when he was here. All he did was reiterated the default stance of “Everything looks fine on our end, there’s nothing I can do”.

In the end we made a complaint to the Telecommunications Industry Ombudsman (which costs Telstra $3000 every time someone makes a complaint regardless of what said complain is) and they managed to force Telstra to send out another technician... who called 10 minutes before he was supposed to be here and said, and I quote, “Everything looks fine on our end, I don’t see any reason to come there. Besides, I have a corporate client that I have to deal with today and the big guys are more important, you know?”.

So I rang our case handler at the TIO and they told them if they didn’t get a technician out here asap, the fines would get bigger and they’d be in a lot more trouble. The next day a technician actually showed up (this one was surprisingly really nice!) and it took him literally two minutes to find the problem. All he did was poke the modem once, the internet cut out, and he didn’t need to do anything else to figure it out. Literally all he had to do was touch the modem with the tip of his finger. 12 months. OVER 12 months, and not a single person bothered to think “maybe the modem is faulty”. He replaced the modem on the spot, and the cables just in case, and problem solved.

Telstra also refused to compensate us in any way for the 12+ months of pathetic internet service (we literally couldn’t even load Gmail at all) and disgusting customer service, so that was cool too, but whatever the problem was solved and that’s really all I wanted.

So here’s where the new nonsense starts.

Cut to about 6 months later with no problems and it’s time for hubby and I to get new mobile phones; our contracts are almost up and they sent us a message saying we could take advantage of their new swap and go lease where all we have to do is give our old phones back and we get brand new ones for $0. So we decided to head down to the local Telstra shop to get ourselves a couple of brand new Samsung S9s, because why not.

During the process I decided to go for the S9 Edge (hubby got the standard S9). I was little bit hesitant about it because it was an extra $20 a month and our bill with them was already quite big with our landline (which we never use but we have to have to get internet), internet and cable all being bundled through them. However, after looking at our account, the sales assistant (if I could remember his name I would 100% put him on blast right now but I can’t) looked through out account and said “I see you guys don’t use your landline at all, why don’t I drop that down to the $79 plan from $95 and you can make up the extra that way?”.

Now, pay attention because this is key the part right here.

Because we’ve had so many problems with Telstra in the past, I said to him “Will that affect anything else in the bundle?” and his reply was, and again I quote, “Nope, it’ll just drop your landline bundle so that you don’t have as much calls available each month but you never use it so that should be fine.” Alright, cool, we changed everything over and went on our way, happy with our new phones.

Oh how naive we were.

The next month when the bill arrives... it’s almost twice would it should be! We were expecting a large bill because hubby’s phone screen was cracked and they had to charge us for that, but not THAT big a bill! But, we weren’t able to access the bill online for some reason so we ended up having to ring them to find out wtf was going on.

Turns out sales douche didn’t change our landline plan, no no, he added it on top of the already existing one! So they were trying to not only charge us for the old $99 plan, but the new $79 one too, as though we had two landlines in the house! It was also during this phone call that we found out that, contrary to what sales douche told us, our internet HAD been affect by the change in plan; it went from unlimited data usage to 1500gb a month. That may not seem like a big deal, and it’s not really because we never even use that much, but when someone tells you a change isn’t going to affect anything; you believe them!  But again, whatever, the problem was solved, the charge for the extra landline was removed from our account and we paid the bill.

It was also during this call that we decided to cancel our cable TV. We never watch it and it’s just a waste of money, so we told them to cut it off and we sent the box back.

Cut to another month later, and our bill comes again... or rather it doesn’t. We get a notification saying the bill is ready to be viewed and we can see the total — WHICH IS WRONG AGAIN — but yet again, we can’t access the actual bill to see why it’s wrong. Another call, another “oh dear, we forgot to remove the charge for the cable” and it’s “fixed” again.

Are you seeing the pattern yet?

At this point, I’m beginning to feel sorry for the poor people who have unwittingly set up direct debits with Telstra and don’t bother to look at their bills before they’re charged, how many of those poor people have been ripped off by these arseholes this way?

So about a week ago I get another notification telling me this month’s bill is ready ... and we can’t access the full bill again. And yet again it’s wrong! They STILL haven’t taken off the cable even though we cancelled it and sent the box back almost two months ago. Why am I not surprised? It seems another call is in order and hell, while we’re at it, why don’t we find out why tf we can never seem to access our bill and also complain about the slowness of the internet that’s happening yet again the past few months.

Here’s where it get hilariously fucking annoying and aggravating...

Turns out the reason we can’t access our bills everyone month is because of something sales douche did when he was changing our plan. No one knows what he did or how he managed to fuck it up so badly, but whenever the automated process that handles credits tries to credit off the cable every month it can’t and then it keeps getting stuck in a loop of trying to fix itself and I keep getting notifications saying the bill is ready when it’s not.

Oh but it gets better... remember when sales douche said dropping the landline down to the lower plan wouldn’t affect anything else on our account, just the landline? Lies. Utter lies. Not only did it drop back our data allowance as I mentioned before... BUT IT ALSO DROPPED OUR CONNECTION TO A LOWER SPEED! Now, call me crazy but that seems like it’s affecting more than the landline doesn’t it? I’m pretty certain during the hours it took him to set up our new phones I even told him about all the issues we’d had with Telstra in the past and that the reason I wanted the Galaxy S9 Edge was because it came with a larger data plan, which I needed because our home connection was too slow to stream. I’d like to know in what universe he thought we would be ok with dropping our fucking connection speed!? Was he high!? Or was he just like every other damn Telstra employee who knows sweet fuck all about what they’re talking about because the company is a piece of shit? That sounds about right to me.

So now, we can either deal with the slower speed, or we can pay an extra $10 a month to go onto a faster speed that claims it will give us up to 45mbps which sounds fantastic because that’s like 4x the speed we had before all of this BUT if you’re Australian you’ll know that that “UP TO” part is a key marketing strategy with Telstra. Sure you MIGHT get up to that speed... if you live in the middle of a large city or right on top of an exchange, but even then it’s highly unlikely. No one EVER gets the speeds they’re promised from Telstra.

Now I know what you’re thinking, why not ditch Telstra and go with a different provider? Oh, my sweet summer child, if only it were that simple. Telstra is the largest communications industry in Australia and as shocking as it may be to believe, Telstra is the most reliable of all of them all. Their cell service has better range than any of them (which is important when you live in a rural area like we do) and even if we went with another company, there would be no guarantee we’d get a more stable internet connection because Telstra literally own all of the lines and the other companies simply rent them. There’s a reason you might hear many Australians complain about the internet, and that’s because Australia literally has worse internet than some third-world countries and we pay through the nose for it.

I did warn you about it being a long one didn’t I? lol So all we can do now is wait and see if the this supposedly faster 45mbps is actually what they say and go from there and if it’s not... someone is going to lose an eye.

[xukunstellation]

The Way You Move || Ding Zeren

Title: The Way You Move Pairing: Reader x Zeren Genre: Youtuber!AU + fluff Word Count: 1037 words Summary: Your subscribers have been bugging you to collab with this popular youtube dancer who also happens to be your biggest fan.

A/N: This has been sitting in my drafts for the looooongest amount of time. I’m so behind on requests due to stuff going on in my life, but I had to take a little break and write for this boy because he makes me so happy. I haven’t seen too many fics for him, so I’m extremely happy to be writing for him. Please appreciate and love this talented boy!

it’s about time i get around to writing this

and for ya’ll to stop sleeping on him

pls stan him

i love me some ding zeren

let’s get this show on the road

you’re an up and coming famous vlogger who has been in the youtube community for a little over two years now

you’ve garnered around two million subscribers since you started 

speaking of video, your vlogs consist primarily of you filming comedy skits and pranks with your friends who refer to themselves as bc221

your most viewed video is you and yue yue dressing up as ghosts and scaring the hell out of the others

rip ziyang and ling chao 

bufan wasn’t having it tho and was ready to throw hands LMAO

your subscribers are well acquainted with seeing them on your channel

mainly bc the little shits are always trying to “convert” your subscribers over to the other side aka their own relatively popular music channel

you love them anyway

other than that, you also vlog moments of your every day life

which the audience seem to really love due to your down to earth personality

it was a refreshing contrast to how wild af you were in your other videos

you had just uploaded another video for the week where you recorded the boys during one of their practices

as you were happily liking and replying back to fan comments, you saw a common theme occurring in the comment section for the past few of your videos

most of the comments were telling you to check out this channel called yuehua dance studio

kind of like 1million dance studio who i love omg pls check them out 

specifically, they wanted you to check out this person called ding zeren who apparently was a huge fan of you

justin was the one who outted him through one of their videos and got zeren into this mess lmao

so you go to check out their dance videos

and holy shit, they were so good???

they were also hella attractive too wtf they have both beauty and talents; that’s not fair

meanwhile you’re a potato

it wasn’t hard for you to tell which one was zeren since he was usually the one front and center

you’re basically awestruck bc damn he got moves. he looked so serious and his moves were sharper than any kind of knife. no wonder he was the main dancer. he had more talent in his pinky than he did in your entire body, cries.

this talented being is a fan of you? how lucky

you figured you’d give your subscribers what they want

so you found his instagram and sent him a message asking if he’d like to collab with you for your next video

zeren almost shit his pants 

bc omfg one of his favorite youtubers had literally slid into his dms messaged him and wanted to film with him

he said yes ofc

after discussing the details, you guys agreed to meet the next day to start filming at the yuehua dance studio

fast forward to when you two finally meet

to zeren’s surprise, you were actually quite shy upon first impression (which he found even more adorable about you)

“hello, i’m (y/n). it’s a pleasure to meet you,” you greeted him sweetly

“i’m zeren. it’s nice the meet you too, even though i already know who you are. i’ve watched all of your videos,” he laughed lightly in response

“i guess my fans were right when they told me you were also a fan of mine. i’m honored,” you grinned. “i’ve watched a few of your dance videos and you’re an amazing dancer!”

even though zeren looked calm and collected, in reality he was trying not to scREaM bc he was standing in front of his idol and she liked his dancing wow what a time to be alive

before you started filming, the two of you talked in order to get to know each other more so you wouldn’t be too awkward

you saw how his eyes lit up brighter than the sun when he told you how passionately he loved to dance 

when he explained how he usually choreographed most of the dances on the channel, he got really sheepish and embarrassed when you praised him for it

you essentially hyping him up

he didn’t show it but you activated his fanboy mode good job

his confident and easy going demeanor made it really easy to get along with him as he kept making you laugh and smile

he even did the chick chick dance for you (even though he was hella embarrassed and you cringed extra hard)

iconic

that’s how much he liked you

it also helped calm your nerves bc he’s literally the dorkiest and most beautiful person you’ve ever seen

now it was time to start filming for the video

your idea was to film an expectations vs reality comedy skit

zeren was obvi the expectations and you were the reality bc you had two left feet and couldn’t dance to save your life

the whole filming process was an entire mess

ya’ll couldn’t stop laughing the entire time

he found your over exaggerated terrible dance skills hilarious (you tried to milly rock and do the shoot dance but ended up falling on your ass)

meanwhile you found his method of teaching equally as hilarious

“okay so the next part goes like this....”

“SHUUUUUUUUUU CHA CHAK WUUUUUUUSH”

“BOOM BOO TA! SUUU SUUU SUUU HA!”

“zeren wtf”

overall, filming went extremely well to the point where you had days worth of bloopers

you had to admit, you were feeling really down now that the day was over bc you were having such a good time 

luckily for you, zeren felt the same way

except he had no intention on letting you slip by his fingers that easily

“hey, (y/n?)”

“yeah, zeren?”

“let’s grab dinner together”

“as in a date?”

“only if you want it to be”

let’s just say subscribers from both of your channels completely lost their shit when you uploaded a vlog later that next day of the two of you together on your date

the end

stop sleeping on ding zeren

stan talent

stan zeren

i wrote this at one in the morning so i apologize for any mistakes-- i need some sleep

[jinships-ideas]

BTS Run 36 - The Jin Harem

This is late by a few days but I finally sat my ass down to write it :D 

 Let’s begin~

We start it off with JINMIN!

It’s weird to see them without any distinct height difference...

STOP SLOUCHING JIN!

These 2 sure are sticking close to each other

DAMN, why do they both look so tiny?

Jin? TINY? 

A concept I like

Jinnie light tapping Chim while he was explaining to Hobi

Was the tap really necessary?

WAS IT?

Yes, Yes it was.

Look at how SMUG Tae looks

Jin was saying how he remembers Tae’s amazing Decorating/Plating skills

Proud Bub Tae is Proud

Really? They HAD to stick so close?

Well, I’m not complaining

Namjin leaning back to let Yoonmin take the paper

Their matching look as the two Smols stretch out for the teams

:’)

Tols looking smug at the smols

Firstly, Joon yawns

LET THEM REST PLEASE

WELL WELL WELL

WHAT DO WWE HAVE HERE?

Why it’s a yawning Jin!

I’m no expert in psychology but I have read that yawns are contagious 

BUT only when the influenced saw it.

So... Jin’s been looking at Joon huh?

Namjin’s hands

👀

Subtle but DAMN powerful

WE SEE EVERYTHING

ESPECIALLY LITTLE TOUCHES

NAMJIN YOU GUYS AIN’T SLICK

Wait...

Before:

After:

Joon just teleported beside Jin???

Wasn’t he between Yoongi and Tae?

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Sneaky Sneaky

Chim feeding Jinnie Ft. Envious looking Hobi

I’d do ANYTHING to be able to feed Jin

ANYTHING

Tae rubbing Jin’s arms and shoulders

DAMN TAE! REALLY? In front of all that kimchi?

(1 on of you said you liked the salad meme so... SHOUTOUT TO THAT 1 PERSON. To the rest of you? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ )

(One day i’ll insert a meme that’ll make all of you laugh.)

(But it is NOT TODAY)

Look how happy Taebub is!

ANYONE would be that happy with their hands on Worldwide Handsome-nim!

2SEOK 5!

Joonie:  내가 웃는게 웃는게 아니야 (It’s lyrics from a Lessang song called ‘I’m not laughing’)

He even did that ‘head tilt’ thing to show his doubt/hesitance

The domesticity is so overwhelming

LOVE IT

You guys...

There’s PLENTY of space around...

There is 0 need for y’all to stick together like glue...

Kind Chef-nim teaches the opponent team the proper technique but...

JK: Not watching/listening at all Hobi: Too busy joking around like the happy bub he is Chim: Too busy laughing at the happy bub’s joke

Pretty sure I’ve mentioned this already but

I LOVE NAMJIN 

Hobi and his Glib tongue~

Guys. THE KITCHEN IS HUGE

THERE IS NO NEED TO BE SO CLOSE TO ONE ANOTHER...

Also, Jin teaching Tae ‘basics’ to cooking

Tae: *caught in a wtf*

Joonie at the side is VERY impressed with Jin’s tips on cooking though 

Someone wants Chef-nim’s attention too huh?

I guess even monkeys fall from trees...

(It’s a Chinese saying...I THINK Yes, I know Mandarin)

Meaning: Even the best makes some mistakes

But... why does this look so familiar...

Flashback to Bon Voyage Season 2 Episode 4...

JOONIE DID THe SAMe THING 

Except Joon isn’t a monkey falling out of a tree

He’s more like a fish

Way out if his depth back then

Pouty Chef-nim~

It’s ok! I’m sure sesame seeds won't affect the taste too much! Besides, you can always just take them out!

Dumb and Dumber

Arguing about something insignificant

That’s what couples tend to do right?

Also, JIN! Why would you asked Joonie about a sense of length when he gave you ‘3cm’ spring onions that were practically uncut and at least 25cm long???

Namjin are definitely connected to onions

Every time there’s an onion, Namjin will most likely occur

ONIONS ARE A NAMJIN THING

The way Jin just wordlessly takes it from Joon to demonstrate how to cut it 

:’)

DOMESTIC AF

FOND!!!

Jin literally had 0 reaction when Yoongi and Hobi were fussing about the ‘taste of Japan’ 

BUT when Joonie joined in, Jin’s fond smile just 

:’)

HE TURNED TO JOONIE!

YOU CAN’T SAY HE AIN’T FOND OF THE BUB!

Hobi fooling around once again

Poking Jin when Chim asked for ‘Jin soy sauce’

Pokes are cute :)))

Pouting and heartbroken Jinnie at Chim’s ‘I don’t need him’

CHIM U LIAR 

YOU KNOW YOU WANT HIM 

WE ALL DO (Know and want him)

Jin sees Joonie chopping up the onions

Jin is processing what he is seeing

Jin finished processing the scene

Jin lets out a shout at Joonie

Joonie thinks as he looks at Jin ‘What have I done?’

Jin is so done

Jin nagging at how Joonie didn’t follow his instructions

HAHAHAH

I LOVE IT when he just talks so fast and rant XD 

Joonie tries winning back the favour of Chef-nim by being funny and cute with the other half of the onion he has left

IT WORKED!

Jin busy prepping his glass noodles but doesn’t forget to chip in how ‘Taehyung LOVES Tonkatsu’

Jin really thinks of Tae huh?

First the plating compliment and now he brings up how they are making food that is loved by Tae

Tae IS SO LOVED

This is the ‘pro at plating’ (by plating I mean plate selection... NOT actual plating of food)

In the background, You can see Namjin talking~

Joonie pops up SO QUICKLY at the request of Jin!

WHEN WILL I GET THIS DRAMA?

I NEED IT

NAMJIN ARE PERFECT ROM COM

Joonie ONCE AGAIN arrives immediately at the calling of Jin!

Ok. I’m not a great cook. I may not know much about proper cooking techniques and all

But like WHY TF would you just use your hands to drain something that was just boiled?

IQ148 my ass

Joonie turns into a fool in front of Jin

He already dipped his fingers in once and knew its hot

BUT because Jin reassured him that it isn’t he just put his hand in again...

BOY YOU A FOOL FOR LOVE

Joonie: The things I do for love...

I think Jin cursed???

His audio was cut off after he said ‘hot’...

And Joon laughed...

Foul Mouthed Jin is cute 

This post is just turning into a Namjon Galore...

Joonie in disbelief at how Jin IGNORED his advise for their dish 

I mean... can you blame Jin?

I need a better angle for this moment...

Preferably a front angle...

It’s for research purposes...

Chim responding to Jin’s comment from across the kitchen, in the midst of his busy cooking

This is Kim Namjoon MOCKING Tae for asking if he could cook rice in the baking oven

This is Kim Namjoon CHANGING TUNE after Jin said Tae could

Namjoon... You whipped man

Joonie having a bite at Jin’s ‘failed’ work

I WANT A NAMJIN ROM COM GDI!!!

Did Jin just ‘Fall for Namjoon’?

DID HE?

As if he hasn’t already

AWWW

Precious bub showing off his Heart sausage to chef-nim!

HOW IS HE SO ADORABLE???

It worked on Jin!

Look how brightly he is smiling at Hobi’s antics!

Meanwhile Joonie...

Joonie: HOW DARE YOU IN FRONT OF ALL OUR KIMCHI DISHES

I LOVE THEM 

T^T

Nyam Nyam (read this in Yoongi’s tone back in the chuseok run ep)

Jin accurately guesses what Joon did to ‘stir fry’ the noodles

They are too much for my heart

Look at these 2 cuties huddled over a bowl of piping hot noodles and mixing it

It’s painful but they still have smiles on their faces

Why?

Because they have each other

How much do you need for a ‘taste’?

Like that’s a huge ass mouthful...

Character development is having Joonie point the scissors in your direction and cutting something from your hands when in the previous episode you did NOT want him with scissors anywhere near you

I DON’T GET IT

HOW DO PEOPLE NOT SHIP NAMJIN???

Stay close you two 

STAY REAAAAAL CLOSE

I laughed too hard at this

NGL it looks kinda good

MATCHING Taejin, Yoonjin, and Namjin

Team ‘we have the 2 worst cooks but we made it work’

SO much space but They just want to be right next to each other~

This time it’s Yoonjin sticking together huh?

Jinnie laughing at Tae’s cute mistake at speaking~

Tae: At the end of the day, I got you to look my way so who’s the real winner?

Namjin eye contact while Jin is leaning into Yoongi

Bless this frame for giving us BOTH namjin and Yoonjin

Ok so let’s break this down

Jin is standing between Tae and Joon

So it makes sense for their hands to be around him

Tae Goes for the Worldwide shoulders

Joonie goes for the waist and back

But...there’s ANOTHER hand

It’s none other than Yoongi who is standing ACROSS from Jin...

Logically speaking, Yoongi’s hand should be around Joon and Tae...

But it’s around Jin’s WAIST instead...

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Tae has his hands on those Worldwide shoulders AGAIN

FINALLY some jinkook-ish moments!

Both of them huddling over food

THEY LOOK SO ALIKE 

WTF

Jinkook: In food we unite

Literally everyone has stopped munching but jinkook...

They LOVE their food

Ahhh now Chim is sticking close to Jin 

HE IS SO FOND OF CHIM

THE DOTING LOOK HE HAS FOR CHIM 

I LOVE THEM

Their hands...

awfully close ain’t it?

In my honest opinon, this episode seemed a bit dry compared to the other episodes... The idea seemed re-used but I guess we were jsut too overfed recently ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

There weren’t as much jin harem moments (except for namjin though, bless namjin) BUT we still got a decent amount so I’m glad ^^

Hope you guys enjoyed~

Until Next time~

[riskeith]

hi bb!

oh rip... the ol’ laptop fan situation. it must sound like a plane when you play genshin right? yes, we’re more prepared now. i remember the first few years there were so many fires and stuff to the point where they even made bbq illegal. such a mess, but it took away a fire hazard which is good. i believe aus had the same situation right?

awwww sounds so cute! pokémon go? no i don’t! i dropped it after that summer sjsksjdk. do you play while you’re walking that’s so adorable. wait bakudeku zine??? you’ve peeked my interest.

ooh that makes sense! i thought about the gold seelie too actually! the babie might bring you mora which is always good to have. also there’s fanart of the gold seelie being aether and those are sooo cute. have you seen any?

help i hope xiao knows how lucky he is to have such a devoted fan as yourself!! you’re really pulling all the strings for him i applaud your patience and determination. dude albedo is like... easily one of the prettiest animated character i’ve seen! he’s gorgeous! also i like his elevator move that could be so handy. and for the dancing videos, just search on yt baron bunny dancin or something hehe.

WAIT. WAIT. WAIT. WAIT. WHAT THE FUCK? wait are you serious? venti’s jpn va is HINATA? I HAD NO IDEA WTF???? god..,. that’s it i’m switching to jpn dub that’s insane... i was actually gonna ask you once if you could apply haikyuu characters to the game who would they be and the only one i was sure about was that hinata would be venti.... 😭 you’re so talented for knowing that hehe.. also you can say that you’re studying when you��re gaming then lmao. study smart not hard. god i’m still in shock over venti. this made my morning ngl.

i have no idea how fic collabs work either. i had a friend that did it once and she said they each wrote a chapter but i feel like that might be confusing if the writers use different writing styles..? idk it seems fun but kind of scary too..

ilytttttt little blushing girl.. <3

it always goes back to dragonspine does it not... 😶 but damn it’s been about a month and you’ve saved 12k that’s super solid. since xiao will be coming around feb that means you’ll have another month-ish to save up as well... so girl you’re def getting him sjdksjdk.. <3 and so much other goodies as well. unless you don’t pull him on the first try you might get some other great characters and weapons/artifacts as well. you need to force me to start saving up too bc if venti is really coming back.. i /have/ to get him esp now that i know about the va..

they’re adorable! i don’t know much about their story but i think they’re best friends, right? which makes it even more adorable. and there’s so much fanart of them as well. dude speaking of, genshin stans make the BEST fanart. i spend hours just looking at them and it’s perfect. i imagine there’s so much on twitter too, right?

god. remember shiro and adam. dreamworks would def not do that.. lmao...

your bravery for even considering posting wip. i’m taking my hat off for you. also, one writer to another; how does your writing process usually go? i’m always interested in seeing how other fic writers work bc it varies so much.

oh!! i was all over the place but i really liked sm groups. and loona! you don’t like slow songs? like even slow indie? aksjjdhdkdhf im gonna keep asking to find a middle group bc right now i’m super lost help...

i don’t really like sleeping in so it’s fine HEHE it’s 9 am now and i woke up about an hour ago which was perfect. 10 hour sleep? immaculate. not yikes. sleeping is always good never stress about it shjdhdjd, think about when you go back to school and have to pull all nighters etc.

kiss <3

heya!!

yeah HAHAAH it gets so hot omg.. and my laptop is supposed to have pretty good specs so i can’t imagine what it would’ve been like if i tried to play on my old one yikes 😬 oh shoot! yeah we have a fire danger rating too, the second lowest one is “high” and it goes beyond “extreme” to “code red”/“catastrophic” lollll. and we’ve regularly got fire bans in the summer to try and prevent anything! 

hfsdkjfhs summer 2016? god i remember that time so clearly... iconic 😩 i do play sometimes! normally if there are any mystic gyms around me to join, otherwise i’m kinda lazy about actually catching the pokemon HAHA oops. https://twitter.com/kotatsutomikan1 here!! does that mean 👀 you main bkdk 👀👀👀

oooo i thought the seelies were actually just there for decoration? AHAH. yessss I saw one with a whole lineup! https://twitter.com/icedkappe/status/1347555831831699457 look how cute 🥺 ugh but that reminds me of something i was thinking of earlier today, i hope they’ll introduce skins or something later down the line? fshdk like think of the potential. it always upsets me when i click the hanger icon and it only lets me change their glider fhsjfskfjsdjkf

god when i saw albedo’s hair... <3333333 and also his eyes??? um chief alchemist? more like PRETTIEST alchemist. yesss i’ve been doing plunge attacks a lot more recently (preparing for xiao?) and honestly ugh if i had albedo.. I LOOKED THOSE VIDEOS UP!!! THEY ARE SO FUCKING ADORABLE WHAT EHE FSUCJK!!!!!!  my god. fancam for characters who? ? from now on only fancams of baron bunny are allowed 😤😤😤

AHAHAH YEAH HE IS!!!! wait have you finished the world quest with him tho?? either way i’m sure you’ll be able to find clips of it in japanese dub online... his ‘ehe’ is so cute my god.. study smart not hard my motto!!!! <3 

yeah I feel like chapters is confusing which is why separating by POV might work better? definitely scary tho lol .... such uncharted territory for me

IM DEF GETTING HIM!!! xiao i am patiently waiting for you to come home 👐🙇‍♀️ yes!! i really hope the four stars on his banner are good bc i’m def gonna be pulling it a lot AHAHHA i hope hm.... i wanna get xingqiu to match with chongyun but beido seems so cool too 😩 tho i already have so many claymore users fsdhfksdfhsjd. oh that also reminds me venti’s elemental burst dialogue ‘kaze da!’ is so cute... like his voice is so melodic??? omg.... WAIT lemme send you this interview i found https://youtu.be/g3floaU41Uc !! AND START SAVE UP MARRIAGE ANON!!!!! tho i think he’s like 5 banners away so you still have time if you do wanna pull now... fhdsfkjds

they are!!! chongyun has this line in his story profile “Who could he possibly trust, if not his fine friend Xingqiu?” 🥺🥺🥺🥺😭😭😭😭😭😭 how cute is he i love him so much :((((((((((((( yeah there are so many on twitter!! i don’t see much on tumblr tbh bc i don’t look at my dash too often AHHAHA but it’s all over my twitter timeline~ 

my writing process depends!! but typically i type out the outline of a fic/write out certain scenes, then fill in everything around that ahaha. usually my ideas come from a line i thought up that i really like or just a concept. i usually also type out my plans in all caps LOL. i hope that makes sense lmaooo how about you? do you just go for it or plan everything out first?

ooo yeah sm have some really nice stuff... and nice! i never gave loona a shot FJKDHFKSJ. i don’t think so?? the slow songs i do like are usually exceptions rather than the rule LMAO but i like hozier’s stuff even tho they’re slow (but who doesn’t? AHAH) honestly i couldn’t even give you examples bc i can’t think of any FHSDKFJS like i guess for example, lovely by billie eilish and khalid, i like the song but on a normal day if it came up on shuffle i’d skip it? FHSFKSD im so sorry legit i am no help at all fhskdfhsjdfjsdkfhsdhkfhk but what are some artists you listen to often?

i never pull all-nighters!! it’s kinda like my rule, even if i’m absolutely fucked i’ll deal with it later rather than not sleep fhskjfsdf. (or maybe i just haven’t reached that stage yet... i hope not!). also wait a second i just registered what you wrote.. YOU WOKE UP AT 8AM????????? my goodness... legit i don’t think i did that a single time in 2020. there was a week i woke up at 8:30 every day but very quickly i started sleeping in again omg... that energy! i’m also gonna try start waking up early but it’s hard when i go to bed then read fic 😩

kisses!!! hope your day has been swell so far xoxo

[trashyazeohane]

Anyhoo it seems you guys like my ideas, so here I am – with new part… If I didn’t have one long fanfick already started, I would turn it into a normal story, but naaah, probably not. Maybe I’ll write something, maybe not, idk…

So where we left off… Ah yeah… And today with even more of my shitty colorful my art!

Part 1 here!

Adult!Maxvid!AU – part 2 (keep it going):

Scene #3

Max wanted to say something. Anything. But his throat was dry and he felt like he suddenly swallowed a ton of bricks, which were made of lead actually. The fact that his Little Star was looking at him curiously wasn’t helping at all. It was making everything way worse.

Oh, Nikki definitely would pay a nice amount of money to see him like this.

And fuck, David was still staring at him and – what the hell – this guy didn’t change at all!? This was unfair.

“Max?” David asked, hands immediately moving to form letters. Little Star followed his movements, only to turn her head at Max in the end.

Fuck, shit, god fucking damn it, he was ruined. Why, just why him? Why now? Why after so many years?

Nevermind I forgot where I was going with the previous scene

After some awkward interaction Max took his Little Star home, still in this half dazed state. She tried to ask him few questions, but he barely could respond with his hands, which weirdly felt like they didn’t belong to him. His aunt also asked him about it, but he just brushed it off to quickly get back to his dorm.

Boom! Max burst into Nikki’s room, who was in the middle of feeding her snake. She was like ‘Sup Max!’ without lifting her head at him.

Scene#4

“Nikki!”

“What?!” The girl looked at him, now clearly perplexed. Well, no wonder. If weird glances from his family were any good indication, then he had to look out of his mind. He felt out of his mind. “Max, you okay, man? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

That could even be even the case.

For few seconds the voice didn’t want to leave his throat. Fuck, even the coherent sentence didn’t want to be formed inside his now mushy brain. Or what was left of it. Seriously, fuck him, fuck his life. Everything was going almost good for few years. He almost managed to forget about him. But then he had to be right there!

Why had he done in his life to deserve it? He probably deserved it, but still!

The interval in the conversation had to be long, because even Nikki started to look… worried? Yes, worried was a good name for the emotion hiding inside her eyes.

“Max?”

“I just saw David.”

“Oh…”

“Just oh!? You’re commenting it with just ‘oh’!?”

“Wait, my mind is still processing this.”

So Max was basically totally freaked out. Like duh! Nikki interrogated him about the whole meeting fiasco and Max realized that he had to look pretty dumb with him uttering almost no words. Fuck. What if David found out? No, but that was impossible!? There was no way he could know what was running through Max’s brain. And even if… most of it was filled with ‘fucks’…

Nikki patted him on the back and was like ‘Everything’s going to be okay.’

Max was like ‘Wtf how!?’

Scene #5

“Well you don’t have to pick up your cousin that often, right? So chill. Maybe you’ll see him like five more times or so?”

“Nikki, I agreed to pick her up every Tuesday and Thursday.”

“That complicates things…”

“No shit, Sherlock!”

So Max was a nervous mess and Nikki actually found it pretty funny. In the end Max snapped at her to stop snickering at him and she just burst into laughter and said that she had to call Neil.

Which she did, later. And then Neil wrote to him in the middle of the night (because that nerd had terrible sleeping schedules due to his Uni). Talking with Neil actually helped more than with Nikki, but well she was never good in lifting people’s spirits up in the end.

Next day rolled more over calmly. Max, maybe not totally forgot about his encounter, but he had terrible labs so he was exhausted to this point where he didn’t think too much about it.

But then Thursday came and Max literally laid in his bed, opened his eyes open and immediately murmured ‘Shit’

The day passed and Max got more anxious with every passing minute. He was so stressed that he snarled and growled at every person that wanted to approach him. Only Nikki was allowed to be close, because she didn’t care. Actually found it hilarious (again).

Then she even dared to show him thumbs-up when he was supposed to go pick his Little Star up. Max showed her middle finger, just because he was nervous and pissed, because he rarely feels nervous and now he was nervous because of that fucktard!

Max taps his foot a lot when he is like that

He was talking a lot with himself in his head while going to the Kindergarten, because duh, maybe David won’t be there today? Maybe he won’t see him anymore? Maybe it was just a terrible figment of his imagination? Yes, maybe David was only there in replacement for someone who had vacations? Maybe he wasn’t already working there and Max won’t see him ever again?

But you kind of want to see him? Admit it!

Shut up, me!

And he was in front of the door.

Shiet, fuck, shiet, fuck!

But he was Max. He had reputation at his Uni. Very bad reputation! He had to keep the face! Especially in front of David. Piece of cake!

So Max stepped inside. The woman behind the counter just asked him to step further into the building, because she had hands full of work (aka. kids).

“You have to turn left at the end of the hall and go through the third door on the right!”

“Okay…”

So he stepped into the hall and slowly moved further. Gladly he didn’t get lost, although he had to replay the instructions two times in his head.

He had to pass one more hallway to get to the class. Max was now pissed and perplexed by this building construction. The fact that it was still filled with shouts and yells of kids didn’t really help calm his nerves. It actually made him more edgy and angry.

So he was majorly pissed when he finally, finally reached the opened door.

He was about to knock on the doorframe, but stopped midway, when he saw David in the middle of the room with his Little Star hanging onto his neck.

And, what the fuck, Max definitely had to be cursed, because he felt all this anger slipping away. He wouldn’t admit that it could be a nice spell, it definitely was a fucking curse.

Anyhoo

Scene #6.1

David was kneeling in the middle of the room. He was explaining something to some kid in front of him and he looked… looked so calm. This everlasting smile was still on his face, always kind and understanding. Just as Max remembered it. David’s hands move smoothly in front of himself and the kid in front twirled his foot into the carpet, but a shy, embarrassed smile tugged at the corner of his lips. It also looked like the kid had been crying not too long ago. (Picture above)

The room was quiet, but not uncomfortable or deadly quiet, just… it felt like the silence was always present here, but not unwelcomed.

Scene #6.2

Then David patted the child’s head and smiled broadly and the kid did the same. Only then he finally noticed Max standing in the corridor, or by now leaning on the wall there. (Picture above)

“Oh hey, Max! I didn’t hear you coming in.”

Max raised his eyebrow, ready to snarky comment back the fact that his footsteps were the fucking loudest thing in this goddamn corridor, but then Little Star untangled herself form David’s neck and ran to him, with that giddy smile on her face, to wrap her hands around her legs.

“Maxie!”

By the way, Max totally hates kids! Like, he feels like snapping when one do something stupid near him. The only kid he likes/loves is Little Star.

“Why won’t you show Max what you did today?” David asked, but it didn’t sound like the voice was directed to anyone. His hands’ movements although were directed at the girl hugging Max’s knees. She grinned at that and left Max’s legs. Only then he felt that they could turn into jelly!!! But somehow he managed to stand still, without falling down. Inner Max patted him on the back.

Scene #6.3

Someone save him, because he felt like collapsing. Especially as David turned his head from following Little Star movements to Max.

And Max’s brain once again did the cursing/swearing sequence.

“How are you doing, Max? We didn’t see each other in like-“

“Seven years.” Why did his brain decided to end David’s sentence? What the fuck was wrong with him?

But it didn’t look like the red-haired male took a notice of this as he continued smoothly:

“Oh my golly, it has been already seven years! You’ve grown up so much.” David said, in that ever happy-tone. Then he closed his mouth, hummed and stepped closer. It took a lot of Max’s inner strength not to step back. Then David’s hand moved from the top of his head to the top of Max’s one. “You even overgrew me! I’m amazed!”

“It just genes.” Max answered, but he felt kind of proud, even though he really didn’t have a reason.

“Ah don’t say that, Max. I’m sure you drunk a lot of milk.” David continued, didn’t fazed by the Max’s interruption. Maybe he even looked glad for it. “You sure changed a lot. Although the blue blouse didn’t. Do they make it also for adults?”

Okay, with that he can deal. So Max rolled his eyes.

“Of course, I still wear the same blouse I had since I was a kid.”

“Wait, really?”

“No.”

As you can see Max isn’t such little/tall shit. Well he usually is a little/tall shit, but he calmed a lot through the years. Although when he doesn’t like someone, he isn’t afraid to show his displeasure and dislike. He is still snarky, sarcastic shit in the end.

David suddenly stopped talking, while looking with wide eyes at Max who was like – shit, did he say something wrong? But no, he had been his usual self. What if-

But then David started to laugh and Max was like –

Fuck

His heart

Which skipped a beat after hearing this laughter.

But gladly he wasn’t frozen for long, cause Little Star was back and proudly showed him a tiny platypus she had made from a plasticine.

Max grabbed and stared at it. It wasn’t that or the most realistic platypus (for starters, it was blue, like very bright blue), but it had some childish charm to it. Plus Little Star made it, so it added a hundred points to the final mark!

Max signed to her ‘It’s amazing! I can see you put a lot of effort into it!’

He did it very sloooow.

But Little Star smiled at him and signed back ‘It’s for you!’

Max tried really hard not to grin, but the half-smirk still appeared on his face. He signed one more time ‘thanks’ and then pocketed the figurine.

Nikki totally stole it later by the way. Max was furious while he searched through his whole room for that figurine only to find in on Nikki’s desk.

Back to the main plot.

Then Max lifted his face and boom, David was smiling so proudly at him with tears in the corners of his eyes.

Scene #6.4

“Awww Max~ that was so sweet!” He cooed and this made Max so embarrassed.

“Fuck, shut up David!”

“Language, Max!”

Okay, I think this is all for part 2 I guess? I had this whole story kind of planned out in my head and it started to turn into a fanfic what the fcuk!

Anyhoo there will be some NSFW parts later? Maybe!? Idk really (I mean, in my head they are there, but I don’t know if I add them here). But sorry, I’m a hardcore fan of bottom!David so yeah… you now know what you can expect in the future~

Love!

[stylo-xx]

Eyes Closed (M)

G-Dragon: Angst/Small amount of fluff/Smut

PART 3: You Always Hurt the One You Love

A/N: All right this one is out before midnight for once! haha. This is finally a more Ji-Yong-centric part and I felt way too many feelings writing this but I hope you all enjoy none the less! xx

P.S. please by all means leave me your thoughts/comments about how you like/dislike how the story is going so far. I’d really love to know where I can improve and/or what things I am doing that you all like.

P.P.S this was the song that was playing in the car, give it a listen!

(Part One)||(Part Two-A)||(Part Two-B)||(Part Four)

(ORIGINALLY POSTED BY s-tttop)

      Sitting in the rear seat of the black tinted windowed SUV, Ji-Yong absentmindedly played with the threads that were poking out from the rip on the knees of his jeans. The men accompanying him in the car sat in a comfortable silence as they were all far too exhausted from having been woken up so early; at least early to them. Just when they got comfortable being home, they get ripped right out of their comfortable bed sheets only to be shipped off to some other city. Another city, another photoshoot and yet it was still the same monotonous thing over and over again.

      Donning his sunglasses Ji-Yong stared out the window and nodded his head to the faint sound of the music coming from the car speakers.

       ‘Haunted by secrets, my lips are sealed

      All of your demons it turns out they’re real

      The shadows on the wall, will watch me as I crawl

      But you know how to make me come back

      I’m just a monster that you’ll never fear’

       He shook his head out of his thoughts; somehow they always managed to be about her. He couldn’t understand it really, he would drink to forget but he always remembered. Always. Even when he was drunk out of his mind he could swear he’d hear her call out to him, swear that he heard his phone go off and that it was her finally willing to talk to him. But somehow it always just managed to be his imagination. He thought it was like some kind of cruel joke his mind liked to play on him although he wasn’t sure if this was actually some sick, deep seeded pleasure he got from torturing himself or if he had just completely lost it. He couldn’t even sleep without seeing her, the only time he’d actually get a decent night’s rest was ironically when he was piss ass drunk, but even then the hallucinations of her in the room was like dangling forbidden fruit right before him that was always just barely out of reach. Like the other night at Seungri’s friend’s club he could have sworn he saw her in the distance intermingled with the other just as intoxicated people in the club. But from his seemingly permanent seat at the booth he knew she was just another hallucination; just a fever dream of attaining the unattainable. There’d even be instances when he’d actually get to the point in the night where he would ‘forget’ her long enough that’d he’d go home with someone for once, but in the end they were never good enough; they weren’t her. At times he’d even feel terrible because every single time without fail he’d picture her being the one he was taking out his frustrations on but none of his paramours or lovers alike could satiate the undeniable hunger within him. I guess ‘Misery’ simply loved the company but very rarely did he love to keep it.

       ‘Why won’t you ever let me leave?

      Just fucking let me out

      Every time that I’m out of reach she says “turn around”

       “Yah, can you turn the music off…” he spoke.

      The suddenness of his voice filling the car startled a sleeping Dae-Sung and Seungri; whom of which was drooling on Dae-Sung’s shoulder.

      “Ahh, but Hyung that’s a good song it’s nice and mellow it was--”

      “I can’t hear myself think” Ji-Yong cut off the maknae “besides I hate that song…”

      Young-Bae threw him a half lidded side-eye.

      “Yah Ji-Yongie-ah” the oldest of the five spoke up “If that song brings up bad memories you just have to say so…”

      “Hyung!--” Ji-Yong readied himself to put up a fight, only for his actions to be cut short by a tired hand from Young-Bae on his shoulder.

      “Hyung, do you really want to piss him off at this close of a proximity”

      The eldest man simply shrugged and cozied himself up in his coat that was haphazardly strewn across his body.

      Ji-Yong sighed and slouched back into his seat.

      Seeing that the commotion had subsided the men returned to their previous positions as they tried to relax before a grueling day of getting unwillingly pampered and shoved into clothes that despite their appearance they were deceivingly itchy.

      Ji-Yong sighed again and pulled his phone from his pant pocket, these days he had kept his distance from social media but every so often he liked to make an appearance to appease the masses on Instagram. Opening the app he scrolled through his photos to find a selfie he had taken previously, added a cute~ caption and posted it. As if almost instantaneously the number of likes he received was by the thousands; the thought of it almost made him want to chuckle. Curious what he had missed in his absence from the world of social media he decided to check the photos he had been tagged in; every now and again he’d find some kind of amazing fan art or just a hilarious edit of one of the members. Scrolling through there was a picture of him from an old concert here, a picture of him drunk with some fangirl there; just an unintentional collage of Ji-Yong. The further he scrolled the more he began to notice he had been tagged multiple times in some picture of two people kissing.

      ‘Dear god another dating rumor?’ He thought.

      He kept scrolling past but seeing as I the amount of times he was tagged in that same picture, his curiosity had gotten the best of him. Only, I'm sure looking back he'd probably wish it hadn't.

      And as clear as day, there she was; just as beautiful as ever but in the arms of another man no less. He felt an array of emotions, just seeing her in that state and just the thought of what had probably occurred between the two of them later that night made him sick. Feeling like his heart had tanked to the floor, a jealousy from deep within began to rear it's ugly head. Just what did this douche bag have that he didn't? He had, had to endure the pain of seeing her  in magazines gallivanting around with the annoyingly perfect men of Hollywood but this just seemed to hurt him more somehow.

      He scrolled down to read the comments.

       ‘Omo, she is so lucky!~’

      ‘WHo is that with her???? Damn! *faints*’

      ‘I totally know who that is (¬‿¬)’

      ‘Wtf how does she date all these people?!!!!’

      ‘I wish someone would kiss me like that (ಥ﹏ಥ)’

      ‘Pfffft well if this isn’t a fuck you to that dragon guy ╭∩╮(^3^)╭∩╮’

      ‘Wait how do you know who that is with her???’

      ‘Haha that’s Suho from EXO! My friend was at that party, she said she saw them together most of the night. She said Alex was pretty drunk and her and Suho were just like all over eachother *shrugs*’

      ‘What party?! DETAILS PLEASE!’

      ‘Some grand opening to some new club in Gangnam. I don’t have much details other than that, my friend is the one that lives in Korea not me (ಥ_ಥ)’

       ‘Holy shit…’ Ji-Yong thought ‘So--so I did see her the other night...it wasn’t just some fucked up dream I had’

      He bent over in his seat and placed his head between his hands, all this time-- the past two days he had been mulling over and over again in his mind about that night when he thought he saw her and he actually had. He was mentally kicking himself for, for once not following his indiscretions and just going up to her. All this time, he could have heard her speak for the first time in months, he could have listen to her laugh, he could have been the one that was in that photo, he could have been the one that ended his night with her; but no, the better man had won.

      ‘Pffft, better man...’ he scowled ‘that ostentatious fuck…’

      Sitting upright in his seat again, he clenched his jaw and balled up his fist so hard his knuckles went white. He couldn’t believe that once again this asshole was the cause to all his problems. He couldn't believe that he was stupid enough not to realize she was actually within reach and once again he had let her go. His chest started heaving up and down harder and harder the angrier he got.

      ‘ARGH!’ he pulled back his arm and took a hard swing at the plastic frame of the car window and completely smashing it in the process.

      The other men in the car just looked at each other awkwardly at the enraged man’s outburst.

      Noticing the blood cascading from from his best friend’s hand, Young-Bae went wide eyed.

      “Ji-Yong-ah--”

      “What?!” he clenched his eyes shut and with a shaky, unbattered hand pulled out his pack of cigarettes.

      “Not to make the situation worse but, WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!” his best friend gestured with his hand “You crazy son of a bitch, look at your fucking hand! What the fuck Ji-Yong?!” rolling down the partition to the driver he demanded that he immediately take them to the hospital.

      Managing to light his cigarette with one hand Ji-Yong spoke nonchalantly.

      “Yah, Young-Bae I’m fine...I don't even feel anything…”

      “Don’t even feel-- DID YOU ALSO LOSE YOUR FUCKING MIND IN THE PROCESS OF BREAKING YOUR FUCKING HAND BECAUSE THAT FUCKING WATERFALL OF BLOOD COMING DOWN YOUR ARM DOESN’T LOOK FINE TO ME!”

      The other men in the car just continued to glance at each other awkwardly, not trying to make any sort of eye contact with the other two men.

      “STOP FUCKING YELLING AT ME!”

      “WELL I WOULDN’T HAVE TO IF YOU WEREN’T SO FUCKING OUT OF YOUR MIND--”

      “YAH!” the eldest’s voice boomed “Young-Bae you yelling at this Pabo isn't helping. Ji-Yong, what-the-fuck?  What the hell could have happened to you in the past five minutes that you go and not only break the company car but you break your goddamn hand?!”

      With the cigarette dangling between his lips, he let out a sardonic chuckle.

      “Have a look for yourself…” he said barely above a whisper and tossed his phone in their general direction.

      Upon arrival the doctor had diagnosed that Ji-Yong had a Boxer’s fracture; in short he had broken the first two knuckles of his right hand. After pulling out the shards of plastic, stitching up the gaping wounds on his hand and wrapping his hand and forearm up in a cast he was free to go.

      He sat on the edge of the hospital bed in an almost catatonic state, staring blankly at the linoleum flooring solely being consumed by his thoughts.

      Young-Bae and a very cautious Seungri walked into the room slightly alarmed at their friend’s zombie like state.

      “Yah, Ji-Yong-ah the doctors said you're free to go”

      No response.

      “We can go to TOP Hyung’s house and drink some wine and--”

      “He's not supposed to drink while he's on the medication Hyung..” Seungri interjected.

      Young-bae side eyed Seungri.

      “We can watch a movie so you don't have to make an effort to talk to us?”

      Still no response.

      Seungri stepped forward and took a shaky breath before speaking.

      “Hyung, I failed you. If you wanna hit me go ahead, I deserve it” he preemptively winced.

      Ji-Yong pushed him away “I’m fine let’s go..” and he hopped off the hospital bed

      “But Hyung aren’t you mad at me?”

      “No Seungri, I’m not mad at you…” he kept walking toward the door somberly.

      Seungri and Young-Bae glanced at each other and walked out after him

      “But Hyung don’t wanna hit me? It would make you feel better” the maknae cleared his throat.

      Jiyong stopped in his tracks turning to face Seungri.

      “The only thing that would make me feel worse is inflicting undeserved pain on someone who’s done nothing wrong to me” he turned on his heel and continued toward the exit.

      The other two glanced at each other again, Young-Bae simply mouthed ‘Do something!’

      “Hyung if you're playing hard to get its working, just hit me! It's ok i swear!”

      Keeping to his onset silence, Seungri received no reply.

      “Ok well if you're not mad at me who are you mad at?!” Young-Bae smacked the maknae on the back of the head.

      Not turning around he spoke in a monotone voice.

      “Myself…” he pushed passed the frosted glass doors revealing a smiley Dae-Sung with a bouquet of flowers in hand and a just as ecstatic Seung-Hyun that were both happy to see their leader one piece; so to speak.

      “Hey, there he is!” Dae-Sung motioned to hand over the flowers to Ji-Yong but he simply brushed him off and headed toward the town car in waiting.

      “Aish, what’s with him?” Dae-Sung furrowed his brows “I thought the Oxycodone would’ve made him tolerable for once…you’d think that being who he is he wouldn’t let some girl get him like that..if I was her I wouldn’t blame her for not wanting to get back with that mess of a ma--”

      “Yah!” Seung-Hyun smacked him on the back of the head “go get in the car!”

      Dae-Sung rubbed the back of his head and mutter incoherent nothings to himself.

      Walking up to the older man, Young-Bae placed a hand on his shoulder and sighed. Watching his best friend slide inside of the car, he couldn’t help but feel pity for him. He felt somewhat guilty. He had known she was back in Seoul, he knew about her and Suho but he didn’t tell Ji-Yong because he felt like he was protecting him; but it made him wonder if he was more so protecting himself. Protecting himself from what he wasn’t sure.

      “What are we gonna do Hyung?”

      Seung-Hyun blew a puff of air from his mouth “I really don’t know, I didn’t think he could get any worse but this just takes the cake”

      Young-Bae bit his lip and nodded.

      “Would talking to her at this point even help?” the eldest man raised an eyebrow.

      The dreaded man sighed again “Honestly, Hyung I don’t think that’d make it any better. I know he says he always says he just wants to see her but truthfully I think talking her would make him worse if that’s even humanly possible…besides I’m pretty sure that is a lost cause”

      This time the eldest man nodded.

      “I spoke to Tim the day after the club and he told me Suho had come back that morning and checked on her and that he was laying it on pretty thick; flowers in hand and all--”

      “Pfft, Jesus...” Seung-Hyun raised his eyebrows.

      “He also told me that she texted Tim later that night telling him about how excited she was for tonight, that Suho was supposedly coming back from Paris and he was going to take her on a ‘real’ date..”

      “Wah...that guy’s not fucking around huh?”

      Young-Bae shook his head “Aish, Hyung I just wish he would stop being so stupid and talk to her! I mean I know why she doesn’t want to talk to him but if he really did love her as much as he complains about all the time then why not fight for her instead of letting this stupid picture get to him?! While he’s over here breaking shit for no other reason other than letting his fucking ego get in the way, this douche is over here getting the girl. The more Ji-Yong mopes and sulks in his own self pity, the further away she’s getting”

      The older man shrugged.

      “I can’t let this happen, not just because Ji-Yong is my best friend but I also just straight up don’t trust that guy. Tim and I both agree that we feel like he’s up to something...I just don’t know what it is yet”       Seung-Hyun replaced his hand on the younger man’s shoulder and nodded his head. He didn’t really know what to say, while he loved Ji-Yong he hated this self-destructive monster he had become; he hated the entire situation to be honest. The entire thing had him confused, being that Ji-Yong was the one that ended things to begin with he didn’t entirely blame her for wanting nothing to do with him. On the other hand, knowing how much he loved her and how much he regretted letting her go for no other reason other than being a complete coward, he wanted his friends to be just like they were when they first started dating; up until that point he hadn’t seen Ji-Yong as happy as he was in a long time. Now, all he saw was the pathetic shell of a man he once called his friend, this new Ji-Yong wasn’t the same guy he had know since they were kids. He always feared that one day or another one of them would let their celebrity status get to their heads and being at the place Ji-Yong was at the time, he never would have guessed that G-Dragon was there to stay once the stage lights shut off. Now more so than ever. He never minded Ji-Yong’s partying ways, or his promiscuity but when it got to the point where G-Dragon became his scapegoat and it was his catalyst for hurting Alex, he just slowly began to resent him. Seung-Hyun knew everything, he knew about every spat, every little fight, every time they’d say words they never meant to each other; he knew everything.

      “WHERE IS SHE?” Ji-Yong cried.       “Ji-Yong calm down” Young-Bae tried to pacify his extremely intoxicated friend.       “Yah! Young-Bae I fucked up, I FUCKED UP” he wailed with hot tears streaming down his face “I lost her, I FUCKING LOST HER”       “Ji-Yong, jinja calm-down”       “How the fuck do you want me to calm down when I ruined everything?! Ahh Young-Bae, I’m done!”       “Done with what?” he furrowed his brows.       “With this, with everything! I don’t wanna do this anymore!”       “What are you talking about?”       “Just let me drink until I can’t fucking feel anything anymore...I don’t want to feel anything…I’m fucking useless, all I do is fuck everything up”       “No you don’t what the hell are you talking about?”       “I-I screwed up” Ji-Yong slurred his words “she hates m-me, she hates me…”        “Ok listen to me” Young-Bae took his best friend’s face between his hands “you are fucking drunk, just stop talking for a second and think about what you’re saying”       “All I do is make her cry...” he said absentmindedly, completely ignoring his friend’s pleas.       “Ok, Ji-Yong listen to me” taking his friend’s face in his hands again “Stay right here and drink this water ok? Give me a second a I’ll be right back”       Ji-Yong simply nodded as he cradled himself back and forth on the hotel room bed.       Stepping into the bathroom Young-bae pulled out his phone and quickly searched for Alex’s number. The phone rang three times before he got an answer.

      ‘Hello?’ her voice sounded hoarse.       “Alex? Where are you?”       ‘I’m with Jackson, Tim and Saige, why?’       “I really need you to come back to your room, please it’s Ji-Yong”       A short pause came before she spoke ‘why...I don’t want to talk to him right now. Besides my flight back home is in like 45 minutes so, no”       “Flight back home? What do y--” he heard a crash from the other room.       ‘What was that?’       “Shit…” he swore under his breath.       ‘Young-Bae?’       “Please just come back to your room, I don’t have time to explain!”       ‘Young-Bae wait!--’       He hung up his phone and rushed back into the other room to find Ji-Yong held a broken bottle of whiskey in a bloodied hand.       “Ji-Yong what the hell?!” he rushed to his best friend’s side “No, no! Put that down! Jinga look at your hand!”       Ji-Yong swayed in place and sniffled  “i-it’s not that bad, see” he held out his bloodied hand toward his friend. Just then a pounding came from the front door. Young-Bae rushed to open the door, revealing an Alex who looked out of breath..       “What the hell is going on?” she spoke as Young-Bae closed the door behind her.       Not being able to stand his ground Ji-Yong swayed back and forth and stared at her in awe.       “Oh my god Ji-Yong you’re bleeding!” she took several steps toward him and grasped the wrist of his bleeding hand.       Not even batting an eye he continued to stare at her the words that were coming out of her mouth went completely unheard.       “Oh my god um ok” she pulled him toward the bathroom “Young-Bae what the hell?! Why did you let him do this to himself?!”       “Let him?! I was trying to keep him from doing anything stupid, and the one second I take my eyes off of him, to call you by the way, he does this shit!” he threw his hands up.       She shook her head “can you at least find me a first aid kit or something? I need to get these little pieces of glass out of his hand”       Young-Bae nodded and headed out the front door.       “Tsk, Ji-Yong what the hell is wrong with you?” she held up his hand toward the light to get a better view “Here, let’s at least try to wash the blood off” Running his hand under the faucet, he’d wince every now and again but still he would always manage to find his way back to staring at her; admiring her facial features.       “Ahh, ahh!” he winced again.       “Oh shit, I’m sorry!” she looked at him with pleading eyes.       As if completely forgetting the shards of glass in his left hand, he cupped her face with the other hand and stared into her eyes before leaning in for a kiss.

      “Ji-Yong, no...” she pulled away from him “your timing is terrible, you really think that just because you’re and idiot with blood gushing out of your hand that means I’m not upset with you?”       He closed his eyes and threw his head back.       “What were you thinking anyway? You could have really hurt yourself…”       “Would you have cared if I had?” he opened his eyes and leaned against the counter.       “What the hell is that supposed to--You know what, I don’t want to fight with you anymore I just really want this night to be over” she sighed.       He pushed himself off of the counter and stood right before her, once again staring into her eyes. He weighed his options in his mind before he bit his lip and went in for another kiss, only this time actually making contact. Deepening the kiss he placed his good hand on the nape of her neck and backed her up against the wall behind her. She hesitantly placed a hand on his bare shoulder and then moved up it into his hair. Pulling away to kiss her neck, he smiled to himself.       “Mmm, Ji-Yong what about your--hng--hand?”       “Fuck my hand...” he spoke into her skin.       She let out a small whimper “I’m serious Ji-Yong”       “So am I” he took his hand from her neck and placed it beneath one of her thighs and raised her leg up toward his waist.       She threw her head back as her eyes rolled back into her head “Young-Bae is going to be back any second…”       “We have to hurry then...” he took his hand and moved it up underneath her long hoodie and hooked his fingers around her underwear and yanked them off. He pulled away from her neck and looked her in the eyes and smiled, placing a peck upon her lips he reached between the two of them and attempted to undo his pants with one hand with no such luck.

      “Uhm, could ya help me out a bit” he let out a chuckle.

      She sighed and complied undoing the button and zipper to his pants. Going back in for another passionate kiss he pulled down his boxer briefs and pumped himself before entering her causing her to gasp into the kiss. 

      Not giving her time to adjust he started pulling in and out at a fast pace, completely forgetting about his mangled left hand that he rested against the wall. Her moans began to fill the bathroom as they reverberated off of the walls, he pulled away from the kiss and threw his head back letting out a few of his own grunts and groans.       “Oh holy fuck…” his eyes rolled back into his head “I’m sorry for what I said earlier baby”       She let out a whimper “Ji-Yong, shut--the fuck--up”       He chuckled before he let out a loud moan “oh fuck, babe--fuck--I think I’m gonna cum”       “Already?” she said breathlessly.       He looked at her through half lidded eyes “Yes already--shiiiiit--I’m surprised I could even get it up I’m pretty fucked up right now”       She raised an eyebrow “that makes two of us”       His moans began to get louder and louder, he usually wasn’t one to be super vocal during sex but when he was she took far too much enjoyment out of it.

      Her phone vibrated in her pocket causing her to pull it out to check who had messaged her.       “Mmm--really? You’re gonna--ung--check your phone right now?!”       She let out a moan as he picked up the pace “oh my fuuuck-- oh shit it’s--ung--Young-Bae”       “What?”       “I said--oh Jesus H. Christ-- I said it’s Young-Bae” she whimpered “He’s--he’s comiiing!”       “Shiit” he threw his head back again.       “J-Ji Yong you have like 45 seconds to get your shit together”       He breathlessly nodded his head and began to pound into her harder and harder until he could feel her clenching around his dick signaling that she was just as close as he was.       “Come on baby--fuck--cum for me”       Pulling him in closer causing her to leave scratch marks along his back she could feel that warm pit in her stomach beginning to build before she completely unraveled around him. Seeing her in complete ecstasy and feeling her clenching around his dick was all it took for him to become undone. Riding out their highs, Ji-Yong slowly pulled out as his chest was heaving up and down rapidly.       “Shit sorry, I was going to pull out before I came..” he said out of breath.       Just as winded he was, she pushed herself off the wall and with shaky legs made her way toward the shower and pulled off the detachable shower head to clean up.       He made his way toward her and held her from behind before placing a kiss on the top of her head.       She simply nodded her head in a delayed reply.       “Why--” he cleared his throat “why do you always come back to me?”       She turned toward him “I don’t know…maybe out of stupidity?...”       “You could have easily just let me bleed all over the place, flown home and not cared”       “I guess that’s my problem...”       “What is?”       “I care too much…” she sighed “I can’t just leave you alone, what if you had hurt yourself worse than you did tonight? I couldn’t let myself live with that weight on my shoulders if something had happened to you…I would never want you to hurt in any sense of the word”       He nodded his head “But what about when I hurt you? Doesn’t it make you angry? Doesn’t it make you want to walk away for good”       “Of course it does, and sometimes I wonder if you do it on purpose because you want me to end things because you’re too much of a coward to. You are probably the biggest, most narcissistic pain in my ass that I have ever met and yet still no matter what and out of sheer lunacy I will always come back to you. Because I unfortunately fell in love with you...”

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

      The car ride to Ji-Yong’s penthouse was a silent one, no one dared to utter a single word. When they arrived to his building Ji-Yong hopped out without a single ‘good-bye’ and headed toward the lobby; Seungri and Young-Bae followed suit behind him.       Seungri cleared his throat “Hyung, are you feeling hungry?”       “No…” he said in a monotone voice, not turning to face either man.       “Cause if you are thre is no need to be shy about it! I’ll even cook the meat just for you!”       No response.       “Yah, Ji-Yong-ah you need to eat something eventually, you can’t be on the medication without it” Young-Bae furrowed his brow.       “I said I’m fine…” he said walking into the elevator and pressing the button to his floor; the other two quickly hopped inside before the doors could close.       Seungri and Young-Bae awkwardly glanced at each other, both determined to get their gloomy friend to at least crack a smile.       “You know” Young-Bae smiled “now that you have that cast and everything, you can lie and say you fought a bear or something”       Ji-Yong let a puff of air out through his nose.       “Yea Hyung, you could say anything! I mean you could also say you punched a car but just leave out the reason why” Young-Bae smacked him on the back of the head.       Ji-Yong raised an eyebrow.       “Hyung...If it makes you feel any better, I don’t think she’s very happy with that guy anyway. Pretty sure I heard Rowan ask her that night what the whole deal with that guy was and Alex just said ‘wait what guy?’       Finally he cracked a smile.       Seeing the reaction he got from his Hyung the maknae continued with more feeling.       “AND, from what Sasha had told me Alex isn’t staying that far away from here”       Ji-Yong went wide eyed and turned to look at the maknae. Seungri wiggled his eyebrows.       “Whoa ok slow your roll there wingman” Young-Bae interjected “Don’t really think adding stalker to the broken fist is a good idea. I think he’s done enough for one day”       “Tsk, come on Hyung!” Young-Bae looked at the hopeful look in his best friend’s eyes and sighed.       “Look if you really want to talk to her, go tomorrow huh? I don’t think seeing you in a Chanel dress shirt covered in your own blood is a good look for anybody”       Ji-Yong looked down at his shirt.       “Ok he’s got a point there Hyung…” the maknae eyed him up and down.       The doors to the elevator opened up to Ji-Yong’s floor and the three of them continued onto the hallway toward Ji-Yong’s place. Reaching his front door, he pulled out his keycard and opened the door and before the other two could come in Ji-Yong paused and turned to face the other two.       “Thanks for looking out for me like you guys did today”       “Hyung did I just imagine it or did he actually thank us for something?”       “You know what Seungri I think he did” Young-Bae smiled.

      “I know I haven’t been the best leader to you all, let alone best friend in the past few months but I want you know know that I sincerely appreciate you all putting up with me…”       “That’s all we’ve been wanting to hear!”       “Any time Hyung-ie~!”       “With that being said, I want to be alone” Ji-Yong stepped inside and slammed the door before either of the other two could get a word in edgewise.

      After the events that took place throughout the day, Ji-Yong wanted nothing more than to pour himself into bed. Getting to his room he shut the curtains, turned off the lights and mid taking off his shirt he winced at a sharp pain shot right up his arm; he had forgotten he broken his knuckles.       “Tsk, well I guess this is ruined” he muttered to himself observing the damage he had done to his favorite dress shirt.       He tossed it in the general direction of his waste basket and plopped face first into his bed. When had he gotten to this point in his life? When did he begin to feel so lonely in a room of thousands? The ironic thing was that he found solace when he was actually alone. Truthfully he had nothing to complain about, he had it all: fame, money, souped up cars, even all the women he could ask for. But despite everything he had, there was still one thing he was missing; her. He rolled over on his back and pulled out his phone from his pant pocket, scrolling through his photos he’d found some silly pictures he had taken of the members, the further he scrolled the more fond memories came clamoring back into his head. But there was one 30 second, black and white video at the end of his camera roll he never remembered taking. He pressed the play button and it was just himself on his bed staring into the camera. The Ji-Yong in the video looked to someone outside of the frame and smiled.

      ‘Babe what are you doing?’ the voice laughed.       ‘Nothing just waiting for you’ he smiled again.       ‘You are such a weirdo’ the voice laughed again.       ‘Yea but you’re the one who made the mistake in dating me so--’ he raised up out of frame and when he came back down onto the bed he brought a giggling Alex down on top of him. He briefly kissed her before he tucked a wet piece of hair behind her ear. He moved the camera closer to their faces.

      ‘Eww Ji-Yong no, I look so gross right now I just got out of the shower’       ‘No way, I honestly wish you could see how I see you through my eyes’       ‘But if you’re looking at the world through rose colored glasses, all the red flags just look like flags’       He smiled again ‘I love you’       She sighed ‘I guess I love you too’ her eyes flickered to the camera ‘Okay, let’s just turn this off now’       ‘No baby wai--’

      His screen cut back to the thumbnail.       Of all the stupid things he had done thus far in his life, his biggest regret was the day he let her go.

[survivor-kuwait]

Episode 6 - "Going to bide my time before I could take a shot at any of them." - Maynor

Damn, between Renee and Chloe to get the choppy choppy and it's Renee. the two people I have been speaking to. Wtf. Also clearly Chloe has not been stepping up that much with the social game. i need to find better people to align with.

Well, that didnt go according to plan and now Im by myself. I really trusted Renee in this game. Like I dont have anyone else in this game like that kind of connection. If Im being honest i dont think any of these people really want to work with me 🤷‍♂️ There like 3 people i feel like i can trust but they might just be total bs but theres Ian, Matt S, and Timmy. Even tho i feel like Timmy is gunna want to kill me soon. The only good thing is that i know F2,G2 were hits. So i need to guess at 5 am for 2 days to have all the hits me and Renee discovered. Hopefully no one has found this one either. Cuz i feel like i really need an idol if I end up in warzone again.

God not being us to Skype is really causing me inactivity. Hopefully it doesn't bite me in the ass.

These people are dumb. That is all. Miss you Renee :(

Can i just scratch everything i said before? Im just gunna play a solo game from now on and not care about anyone else. No one really seems they want to play with me. So im just gunna be a floater in the game to try n make moves happen. Hopefully if i end up in warzone these people would actually try and talk game then waiting to the last ugly minute to is so annoying. The only person i hope voted with me is Matt. I really enjoyed talking to him so hopefully he is trustworthy. Like i also want to believe Trace voted Cloe but he doesnt seem someone you should trust but he was the one to tell me it was between Renee and Cloe so like he told the truth but maybe not the way he was voting. Rant down for now. Might have more.

Renee was voted out at the last Warzone, my initial reaction was she was voted out because she had won multiple immunities and people wanted to pick off others that were perceived as challenge threats.  This is partly influenced by my prerogative to vote off people who can beat me in challenges.  My whole premerge game is about me being perfectly average in challenges, I don't do the best but I don't do the worst.  I'm always a solid contributor to my tribe, this format has me second guessing that motif I have for myself. I questioned Corey when he was added back into the Nar chat as to why Renee was voted out, he reminded me of the fact that he felt Renee has had it out for him since the get go.  I believe him in that sense because he did say that to me on founding day of Nar.  If Corey fully swayed that vote to go to Renee because of those reasons that's a player I want to ally with and be my shield. I think there were ulterior motives going on behind it though.  That being said, I do want Corey to see me as a long term partner in this game, I shared with him the fact that I have an advantage, but not my true advantage.  I told him that I have a double vote, a double vote is probably the weakest power any one could have in Survivor but seems powerful in a Warzone type setting.  Letting him know I have a "double vote" endears him to my side, without him actually knowing I have a pretty strong advantage, The Topaz Idol. It's like a double vote but more like a multiple vote. Chloe keeps surviving and I am so fucking here for it, the more her tribe wants her gone the better it is for everyone on Nar if we can fucking stick together, I don't trust them to stay strong but who knows how people will hide when their neck is at risk.  Chloe is an "easy vote" shield but also a vote with Nar the more Ma'an, henceforth will be refered to as "Mane", wants her to be booted.

okay uhm.....so this confessional is coming after the tribal council in which renee was voted out. i was completely blindsided and not in the loop at all about the vote there. i ws told by literally everyone that the vote was chloe and that she was 100% going out. so when renee's name came up 6 times, i was completely shocked. corey told me that the reason i was left out of the loop for the vote was because i'm close to madison and madison is close to renee. so they didn't tell me so tht i wouldn't tell madison. hmm....seems fishy! let's just say i came out of this tribal council not trusting anyone but madison. i'm glad she is my partner and i'm gonna try and get us both immunity this round so that we don't risk going to another tribal bc i could def see us becoming a target soon

I had my masters exam today so i couldnt spend all day doing it which sucks. I only got up to 31. I dont think imma win immunity. Im most likely going to warzone and Imma be going home most likely if Madison/Jacob/Kage are in there. It sucks. Imma keep trying but i also work at 5pm and challenge is due at 7 so i lose 2 hrs there and its 3:20 right now. And cuz all this I havent eaten at all today.

What I have learned from this challenge is that both the movie Sausage Party as well as Female Genital Mutilation have more average searches per month than World Hunger..by a large margin too, and if that doesn't show what's wrong with this world then I don't know what will.

Corey sending me a message ‘i want to touch up on the vote from last night’ I said okay amd what happened? He has not responded at all. Like you lied thats the simplest answer. Because Renee and I werent coming for you so there wasnt a main reason that I could think of to take out Renee.  But gunna be nice and play like oh no worry, i understand. Going to bide my time before i could take a shot at any of them.

This is it, corey and devon are safe, nehe isnt. If I can get chloe and others on board nehe will go home tonight. However.... nehe told me he has an idol, so that complicates things. Ideally I can blindside him and we’re good, but doubting that I just have to make sure the other votes dont land on me. Which means... subtlety. Never my strong point.

Ah shit here we go again. Last tribal really left me with a lot of pieces to pick up and I’m really wishing we had done the easy thing and voted chloe. I like her but I worry that I won’t be able to salvage a relationship with Maynor and Madison who I do like. I’m content with being honest about flipping, even tho I did sort of augment the circumstances. It’s better than doubling down and saying I voted for chloe when I didn’t. And truly I do wish I had voted with them so I hope I can convey that. Being back with Adrian is interesting because he is super close with Corey and Corey sort of has some followers here who I don’t really have strong relationships with without him connecting us. I also feel really nervous about playerslike him and Nehe who are bringing old game shit in, and I don’t want to be collateral damage in their wars against one another. I’m ready to do my own damage.

With immunity again after last week's tribal council, I am feeling pretty good. Devon, Ian and Trace are immune with me and there p much couldn't be a better group of immune people (Trace and Adrian are interchangeable). I hope, from those who are at tribal, Madison, Matt, Adrian and Cullan make it out unscathed. Renee leaving last week was a success to me. I took the first shot and I didn't miss. It also gave me 5 people who I built trust with who will want to use me as an asset later on (those who were part of the plan). As for this tribal council, Maynor or Thomas leaving is ideal. We left Maynor out on the vote this week so I don't know if he'd flip easily to the other side (sort of like Chloe voting with us to get Renee out). However, to keep 4 available immunity positions in our tribe, ideally it's someone from the other side that leaves. I have not interacted with Thomas once nor Stevie (but Stevie is Owen's capricorn tribe mate). Those two boys leaving would be fine by me. I hope there are fights and drama and whatnot as the more things happen and we focus on other people's business, the more I can fade back into the background after getting Renee out last week. With Nehe at tribal this time, who knows. Ian and I have gotten really close and I hope to get far with him. He told me about his double vote and we made our loyalty/alliance to one another official I guess? I also am part of a 4 person alliance, termed "Golden Boys" of Devon, Adrian, Matt and myself. I am trying to set myself up as much as I can so that when we merge or tribes get swapped around, I have people I can rely on. We'll be down to 17 people tomorrow night which is still a very big number and way too early to be loud or making flashy moves. I'm in the process of uncovering an idol or some power of sorts and believe I will have it tomorrow because I have 4 hits on it as of today. I will tell Ian about it. I trust him. I am staying alert and continuously developing my social game to the best of my abilities.

I’m so happy I am safe this round! Kait, Owen, and I are the only ones on our tribe who have been immune every round. I would love for us to group together to keep each other safe, but also I know out of the three that I am the weakest one. But for the time being it seems like at least an okay idea. I will try to make it happen and see where it goes because we could all be good together  and work something out because when merge comes people will try to target those who have been safe for the longest time. At least naturally that’s what i would try since they are more likely to win individual immunity. I just hope things work out well for the next couple of rounds.

So I learned lots of things from Matt in this warzone. It looks like it was gunna 5-5 vote last time but he flipped last second not wanting it to be a tie. Im some what upset cuz Renee left but Matt wants to play with me so I feel like I can trust him. I hope. Turns out that Madison actually did vote with me last time so she is in my good side again and i feel bad for doubting she was with me. This vote I want it to go my way. Im hoping i can pull it off. My target is still unknown for right now. Im not the only one that feels like Nehe is a snake. Adrian and Matt know that he is a sneaky player. Tbh I would want to target him sooner rather than later.

I'm starting to think Madison is sitting out all of these challenges to get into the warzone to try to build relationships to propel herself forward if she makes merge, it's a risky strategy but would have huge pay off if it works. I'm gonna go ahead and subvert her expectations by pointing that out to Corey and hopefully get the rumor mill going against her. I see you and I don't like it.

So the vote looks like its gunna be Nehe and Im okay with that. I dont really trust him after he lied to me about the first vote we were together. It may bring my schances of immunity down to 3 but its worth having people to trust in this game.

Love the safety again...naturally I don’t have much to say because I haven’t gone to tribal in a while and I’m so thankful for that. Tbh I’m assuming Chloe will go tonight because it’s the easiest vote but who knows. Hoping it’s someone from the other tribe though that way there can still be 4 safe on my tribe. But also I want a twist tonight.

Tirns out I dont need to plot, we’re voting nehe tonight. Thanks Cullan. However, in case of an idol play I’m voting thomas, plausible deniability and all that.

Ok, so this vote I am controlling very well in my favor as long as I’m not the one going home. I believe I have everyone on Nehe and Nehe is voting Thomas. Nehe thinks all of Nar is voting with him to vote out Thomas who is inactive so let’s hope I don’t get blindsided.

[angel-with-a-pipette]

1. So, I've been thinking about Daybreak Town as a final world, and I have some ideas for how it could work. Basically, the first section is the town itself, with Ventus and Roxas as our party members (under the assumption that Xehanort has Ven's body). The objective is to find 13 gears in order to lower the water level enough to enter the waterway (the area where we usually enter in game is flooded). After every gear, we get into a skirmish with some Unversed. The 13th gear is in the water.

Okay, before I post the rest of the messages, Ireally need to ask: When I get those huge chunks of theories that Ican't really debate (because they're very hypothetical and we don'tknow much about KH3 up until now and they're just personalideas/wishes) – should I even answer them? I mean, I willdefinitely always publish them, but sometimes I can't really addanything onto it apart from “Oh I like this idea” or maybe theoccasional rebuttal because I think something is unlikely from howthe story processed so far.

I don't know, is this something you want or would yourather want me to just publish your theories? >

Okay, but now onto this one! (And if you hate mycommentary just skip over it!)

1. So, I've been thinking about Daybreak Town as afinal world, and I have some ideas for how it could work. Basically,the first section is the town itself, with Ventus and Roxas as ourparty members (under the assumption that Xehanort has Ven's body).The objective is to find 13 gears in order to lower the water levelenough to enter the waterway (the area where we usually enter in gameis flooded). After every gear, we get into a skirmish with someUnversed. The 13th gear is in the water.

(Just copied it again for consistency's sake)

Wait, Ven is our party member BUT still somehow underXehanort’s control? Or did you want to say “under the assumptionthat Xehanort doesn’t have Ven’s body?I love the ideawith the gears!

2. After you've found and activated 12gears, the water is low enough to activate the gear in the area rightnext to the entrance to the waterway. "Another Day" startsplaying in the overworld. But once you activate it, instead offighting an Unversed, you fight Vanitas. He gives a "motiverant" of sorts in the cutscene preceding the battle, and afterhe's defeated, Ven points out that dying saving the worlds fromXehanort would probably be more fulfilling than dying in a pointlesswar.             

OH GOD NO VENVEN NOOOO

3. After this, you enter the Waterway, where all theenemies are Nightmare Dream Eaters. You have to defeat a group ofNightmares every time you go through a gear in order to stop the oneahead of you so you can proceed. "Energy" is playing theentire time, until you reach the end, where you're attacked by 3Darklings. Let's assume that Darklings have been a recurring foewho've been helping Xehanort by holding Sora at bay, but flee beforeyou can finish them off. And now you're fighting 3.           

Oh, the idea of Darklings showing up is reallyintriguing!!

4. After bringing the HP of one of the Darklings' HPto 1, Nightmare Chirithy interrupts the battle, fuses with them, andwe have to defeat it's Boss Form. After it's destroyed once and forall, we can enter the Clocktower. There, "Case of Foretellers"plays in both field and battle, but the only enemies are Darklings,and you can finally kill them! There's no objective but reaching thetop, where Braig challenges you one last time. But this time, he hasa Keyblade, and fights a lot like Sora.           

I definitely love the throw-back to X/UnchainedX/Union X with Nightmare Chirithy and its Boss Form! I'm personallynot so sure about Braig wielding a Keyblade though, it's just not mycup of tea :s

5. Braig can do anything Sora can, magic, combos,shotlock, flowmotion, and even his own Drive Form where his Keybladeturns into two Arrowguns and fights more like how he did in BBS andKH2, even having the Drive Finisher let's call it be his old "combinethe guns into a sniper rifle" desperation attack. And after he'sdefeated, he falls between two gears and gets crushed to deathoffscreen. And you can go back to the entrance to get his Keychainfrom his Keyblade. And that leaves the ending.           

Savage. I definitely like how versatile Braigwould be, this has to be a thing!!

6. Xehanort's first form is Ven!Xehanort, in theForetellers' office. Anything the Sora's can do, he can do. He's gotVen's Wind, Vanitas' darkness, Roxas' light, and Sora'sswordsmanship. Heck, we can add Xion to Sora's party to avoid theunlucky number 4 and give an excuse for Xehanort's sorcery. But afterVenort is defeated, we cut to the Keyblade Graveyard, where eitherRiku or Kairi leads the Guardians of light (and Donald and Goofy)against Master Xehanort, who's wielding the X-blade.           

Okay I'm still confused about the Ven situation, butdamn, wouldn't that be terrifying? It would. I LOVE IT. What happensto Ven!nort after the fight though? D:

I think the only addition I'd do to this scene isthat Riku and Kairi and the rest already fight, since the X-Bladeshould only form once the 13/7 clash with each other, right?

7. After Xehanort is defeated, the X-blade isdestroyed, as is the universe, save for KH. And the blast carriesXehanort's essense up to KH, where he fuses it with his own darknessand Ven's body. The universe is fractured, and Ven and Vanitaswillingly forge a new X-blade for Sora to wield in a desperateattempt to counteract Xehanort. Sora frees Donald and Goofy, andteams up with Roxas to battle KH!Xehanort. And what follows is a sortof boss rush where you revisit all of the previous worlds.           

So... Ven's heart and Vanitas's heart are kind of“free” at this point and that's how they can make a new X-Blade?Because if old Norty has Ven's body, it's impossible otherwise?

Boss rush with the previous worlds? Love it! Rox as aparty member? Love it! But please give us the Destiny Trio together;_;

Sora,Donald, Goofy, and Roxas (and possibly Xion), team up to infiltratethe Worlds Xehanort is trying to destroy, teaming up with the friendsSora made in those worlds to beat back the incarnations of Xehanort'sevil. Eventually, Sora and co make their way back to the very core ofXehanort's new world, free the Guardians of Light, and face off withXehanort's ultimate form. After defeating him, the worlds are freed,and Xehanort is forced into his frail, dying body, then tries topossess Sora.            

I can definitely see a desperation attempt ofXehanort to take over Sora's body (shouldn't Sora be already nortedin KH3 anyway)!! I'd actually love to see this because damn, thatwould be intense!

Xehanort and a Sora recently stripped of his powersdue to returning Ven's heart clash one final time within Sora's mind.Sora's fighting to fend off Xehanort's influence, while Xehanort istrying desperately to stave off death so he can try again to remakethe worlds. When Xehanort only has 1 HP left, Sora enters one lastDrive Form, and must build up to the form's finisher in order toexpel him. Once Xehanort's back in his own body, Ven blasts him off acliff with a gust of wind, killing him.           

“must build up to the form's finisher”

*gets flashbacks to the Ventus/Vanitas fight whereshe had no idea wtf she was doing but somehow still defeated Vanitasin one try*

XD Sorry! But damn, wouldn't it be savage if Venblashed old Norty off a cliff? DAMN.

All in all, this was a very enjoyable read! I can'tunderstand how you guys are able to come up with such intricatetheories, it baffles my mind! I really hope SE will have some of yourideas, whether for the final fight or for something along the way!