#everythingelse

[ariesnotes]

Author: Rainbow Rowell, Landline

[weaponizedvirtue]

Harbored Secrets {Peaky Blinders}

Pairing: Thomas Shelby x Reader (gender-fluid former soldier from "The Face I Hide Behind")

Summary: It's been a year since you reconnected with Thomas Shelby in Small Heath. Letters can convey a lot. But personal identity and your own brand of nightmares are easier to convey in person.

Notes: This is for my friend, @everythingelseisextra. He has motivated me and encouraged me to develop this character into who they really are, even beyond my own safe little comfort zone of topics. This one touches on PTSD and discrimination, but also gender fluidity in an era where it was often something no one talked about, acknowledged, or accepted. Marie/Eli kind has steadily shown themself to be bigender and it's an important part of them I wanted to explore.

Tagged: @everythingelseisextra, @ce1iat, @morrigan-crowmwell, @running-outof-time, @straight-outta-kirkwall

No one was supposed to have been down here. William had said it was clear and you, Tom, and Danny had shuffled down into the muck behind him. It was supposed to have been easy- “bury the mines and scramble.”

But sometime between Will’s report and your team slipping inside, the situation had changed. Two Germans had found their way inside and waited, cloaked in shadow, until everyone’s back was turned. They’d made quick work of Danny, like silent dogs leaping for their prey and digging their sharp teeth in before any of you had noticed you weren’t alone.

You’d been distracted with your notes, unfolding them and quietly reminding Tom of where each device should go when he stood suddenly, drawing his gun. He’d always been an impeccable shot and even in the dim light of the tunnels, one of the Germans went down with little more than a gasp, a bullet buried in his chest.

But the second one was quicker. He emerged from Thomas’s left like a bat, all fangs and claws and blind speed and before your friend could counter, he dragged his blade across the man’s throat.

Tom stumbled, fell to his knees, and a shout tore out of your mouth, grieving and guttural. There was a scuffle, Will shouting to you about getting out as his weapon met with the German’s. The screech of metal on metal was shrill, an alarm that insisted you move, but you couldn’t leave without Tom. 

You reached down fast, your hands desperately trying to stem the blood seeping from the deep slash across his throat. He gaped up at you with wide, unseeing eyes, and his hands closed around your own.

“Carter.”

Your name wheezed out of his lungs. It was insistent but muffled, as if someone had stuffed your ears with cotton, then given you an order. But it was your name. It was your name, here below the trenches, on the lips of your dying comrade as if your moniker was important enough to be a last word.

"Stay with me. Come on, Tom."

Your voice came out ragged and pleading and your body rocked forward as you tried to pull him to his feet. He didn't respond, his body sagging into yours as you stood.

“Dein Freund wird es nicht schaffen.” The soldier from before wagged one finger at you from a few feet away. Behind him, Will lay motionless in the mud. “Carter, ja?”

The soldier pointed at you, his eyes glittering in the dark. Blood dripped from his knife, mixing thickly with the mud that caked your boots.

He advanced forward suddenly, dropping his weapon to the ground. He yanked Tom away from you, then clapped both hands around the base of your throat and squeezed. You struggled against him, your fingers locking around his wrists, trying desperately to pry yourself loose.

"Carter." His eyes were wild, nothing but fire and hate. Your name spilled from the soldier’s lips like a mantra, breathless and desperate, a plea even as he cut off the last of your air.

You didn't know him. You couldn't remember his face or his hands or how this stranger could possibly have grabbed hold of your name. 

You just knew his grip was tightening. Then with a resounding snap, your windpipe buckled underneath the pressure of his knuckles. The makeshift cavern you and the rest of the Company had dug for yourself collapsed into darkness around you, burying you and your fallen comrades as if you never existed in the first place.

*

��Carter!”

Your eyes snapped open and air rushed into your lungs so quickly it was painful. Feeling rushed back into your fingers and your hands automatically latched onto the ones pressing up against your chin. There was too much light, too much air, building in your ears and your lungs until all you could hear was a roar.

You moved. Like a wound spring, you rocketed upwards and pressed your knee hard into your assailant’s gut. He grunted, twisting underneath you, and it took a moment for the haze in your eyes to clear. It came to you slowly, where you were, that it was a pillow underneath your palms, not dirt, that you were in your smalls, not your uniform.

And that it was Tom, clean and alive and whole, lying beneath you, not some intruder lurking in the dim light of the lanterns.

“Carter?”

You blinked, trying to separate what you were seeing from what you saw. The moments didn’t match- one where Thomas Shelby breathed, startled but watching you with patient, cutting eyes. And then the other, where the same man slumped to the ground, his gaze blank and lifeless.

“You’re alive. Jesus, you're alive."

Your head dropped to his chest and your whole body sagged against him, spent tension racing from your muscles far too quickly. The sudden shift left your body aching and a tremble quaked through your limbs.

You flattened your fingers against Thomas's stomach- he was here, he was alive, not a bloodied corpse forgotten underground. You grabbed at his hands, counting each digit, positive that they would dissolve into memory if you didn’t hold on hard enough.

Turning your head slowly, you pressed your ear against Thomas’s chest. You just needed to hear it. Just one strong heartbeat.

It was there, loud and racing just like yours, and a mournful quiver escaped your throat before you could stop it. Your breath shifted brokenly inside your lungs, thin and reedy and not enough. The part of you that was logical, that worked on stratagems and common sense, snapped from somewhere deep inside your head.

Look at him, for god’s sake, you’re not some infant. It was just another dream. Who the hell can’t tell the difference?

But your body disagreed. Your limbs remained locked where they’d fallen. You were afraid of moving, as if the moment you did so, Thomas’s existence would be a toss of the coin and not a certainty. With your nose planted against his sternum, there was still someone to hold onto.

Slowly, strong hands slipped down just below your elbows. Fingers gently circled your upper arms, tugging you upwards. Your body followed rigidly and Tom tucked you up against him before you could protest. His arms wound around your back, his hands rubbing circles in the taut muscles around your spine, and his chin came to rest against your left shoulder.

"I'm right here, Carter."

A hand wandered into your hair and Tom's fingers dragged slowly through the few curls you’d kept. You focused on the touch, on the soft sheets under your knees, and Tom's breathing, steady and even. Slowly, as visions of the tunnel and the bloodied, still figures of your friends faded, your own heartbeat matched its pace.

"Why didn't you tell me you had nightmares?"

You swallowed, shame mixing thickly in the pit of your stomach. You'd kept that bit of information to yourself on purpose, determined to keep quiet when you knew Thomas had endured just as much and more than you.

"You should have told me."

There was frustration in his voice and sympathy just below that, both feelings you were unsure how to face. Somewhere along the way, Tom had become the one person you wanted to impress. Somewhere along the way, you'd wanted him to think you were infallible. Admitting that you dreamed of your time in the tunnels, of moments you'd faced and moments you could have faced, hardly looked like strength to you. Admitting you still heard the picks and shovels of the Germans inching closer and that you fidgeted in cramped spaces hardly seemed like bravery.

But Tom deserved an explanation, now that it was out in the open.

“I'm supposed to be stronger than this. I said I could handle being a soldier. They send me home and I can't even handle the echoes?”

There was a huff of air at your neck and Thomas pulled back sharply. His movement was so sudden you missed him, your body suddenly cold at his sudden withdrawal. Something flickered in his eyes as you studied his face, closer to fury than you could remember from the man. It felt for a moment like a dismissal and as grief and shame stirred angrily through your belly, you forced yourself off the bed and onto your feet.

But Thomas’s fingers caught around your wrist, a silent command to stay put. You froze in place, your eyes darting back towards the man. Satisfied, Thomas sighed. He considered you for several seconds, then he reached down to pull his shirt over his head.

It wasn’t what you expected, but Tom’s plans rarely were and there was a look in your friend’s eyes that demanded you wait and listen. Tom dealt in timing like you dealt in numbers.

So instead, your eyes traveled down his body in earnest, mapping out the myriad of scars painted and scratched and stamped into his skin. Some you remembered, could divulge the story yourself; others were newer, fresh splits of skin and bone that didn’t match what you knew of Thomas Shelby’s timeline.

“Bullet from the Somme.” Tom tapped his left side where your eyes had come to rest and at first, the information seemed like a surprisingly open confession from Thomas. But without pausing for your answer, Thomas continued, walking his fingers down each scar.

“Barbed wire in Amiens. Blast in the trenches- you pulled me out, remember?” You did, but his fingers moved again before you could reply. 

He walked you down each limb, detailing a scar now and then, avoiding others that you still wished to rub out with your own hands. The scars were Thomas’s story, told in violent brands and permanent tears on his skin because words were never enough to describe battle. It was a strange, devoted kind of exposure, one you could appreciate fully coming from Tom. But it was unlike your friend to offer up information without asking something in return.

The cost presented itself quickly enough.

“So.”

Thomas lifted his head from the last scar on his thigh and nodded towards you.

“Show me yours.”

The request was a fair one and you imagined there was a point to it that Tom was aiming for, but your body went cold nonetheless.

You showed very few people what sat beneath your clothes. It was hardly different from what they'd seen before, just a set of ribs and a set of breasts and a torso of scars stitching them together, but it had never felt like the truth, showing them skin that hardly felt like yours, bearing your body to them when it hardly felt like your own.

You hesitated, feeling compelled to explain, desperate for someone to listen, even more desperate for Tom to understand. The words came out slow and thick as molasses, your voice quiet, and you looked down at yourself, picking at your nightshirt.

"What people see and who I am don't always match, Tom."

Even without looking at him, you knew he was thinking. There was the softest exhale and a purposeful silence, then the rustling of sheets as he shifted slightly closer to you.

With an unexpected burst of courage, you dragged your eyes up again and sure enough, he was waiting, studying you with a softer expression than before. He pressed his tongue to the top of his mouth for a moment, carefully piecing his words together before exposing them to the air.

"Whether I see Marie or Carter doesn't matter, love. I don't need a name or a body to tell me who you are."

The room tilted for just a moment, as if knocked off kilter by his words. Tears rushed to your eyes unbidden and you pressed your hands fast against them, unprepared for the onslaught. 

It wasn't something you'd heard before, the quiet acceptance that whether you were a man or a woman in the day, the hour, the moment, your decision was valid and wouldn't require the consequences of judgment.

For all of Danny's kindness, he still looked at you differently now as Marie than he ever had when you were Carter. He still walked as if on eggshells when you were around, and had adopted a kind of rapport around you like you were his little sister, not his comrade in arms.

You'd seen Freddie Thorne once, on your way out of Tommy's that first time, and he'd regarded you like a math problem, all furrowed brows and frustration. He'd plucked the cigarette from his mouth and circled you like a great cat. In the end, he seemed to have settled on the idea that you weren't a threat, waved you off with a half-friendly, "Enjoy Birmingham."

But he looked at you not as someone he'd trudged through hell with, who he'd ribbed on occasional moments in camp, but as a stranger prone to lies and deception, as if your female identity was an exercise in smoke and mirrors.

Additionally, your family had hitched their wagon to the opinion that you were confused, that the moments you took joy in manners and family you were a different person from the person interested in gadgets and physical labor. They'd come to believe your insistence that you could be both was an affront to how they'd raised you, as if it was your self-control that prevented you from being a proper lady.

And when they'd gotten tired of waiting for you to become what you were expected to be, realized you wouldn't act out the part that the world demanded of you, you'd simply become too much to keep around.

Thomas alone had seen the individual parts of you and believed them to make up a whole. He alone had believed it was more than a formula to a trick or a tantrum.

You swallowed, grateful that Tom had stayed put on the bed and allowed you a moment to work through the meaning of his words. There was a sort of unspent energy to him as he watched you, a tamed impatience as he leaned back and waited.

You took a slow breath, then with shaking hands, undid each button on your shirt. After pausing one last time, your eyes met Tom's expectant ones and you pulled the shirt from your shoulders.

You didn't have as many scars as him. Not even the same type- your binder had worn deep trenches in your skin where it had hugged your breasts or ribs too tight. There were uneven ripples across your abdomen where bones had broken in protest, whether it be from the cramped position you'd crawled through the tunnels or the sustained pressure trapping your chest cavity. There were small, jagged scars from rogue shrapnel dotting your collarbone, wounds you'd had to stitch up yourself for fear of the medics discovering your secret. A long scratch marred your left side from a scuffle with one of the other soldiers, a lasting reminder that not everyone was interested in playing nice.

"Mostly from the tunnels." You lifted your chin, watching as Tom leaned forward, his eyes wandering along each scar as if he was recording them for later consideration.

"And your head."

“What?”

Thomas tapped the back of his head and your right hand fumbled inside of your hair, brushing the rough patch of skin where they’d sewn twenty stitches years before. The memory flitted back quickly, though it was vague, snatches of haze and mud, shouts for a medic, and Tom’s face above you as you were pulled into open air. You’d have shrugged him off if you could have remembered how to move your limbs, saved yourself another couple of battles before getting sent home.

"From the beam. You still get those headaches?"

It had been just a passing bit of information in one of your letters to him, must have been at least six months ago, and you weren’t sure if you were flattered he remembered or embarrassed you told him in the first place.

“Yeah.”

Thomas nodded and his face smoothed over before you could gather what he meant by asking. Instead, he reached for his lighter on the dresser beside you both. A cigarette practically appeared in his hand and he lowered it to the flame with a kind of purpose you thought inordinate for simply lighting a smoke.

With a hard puff of air, Thomas exhaled and you and he both turned your eyes to the fog rising up towards the ceiling.

“I have ‘em too. The nightmares.”

The words didn’t connect immediately. Fitting Thomas’s name into the same sentence as fear didn’t seem logical. You hardly expected him to live without it, but when a man could motivate an entire crowd of scared men onto a bloody battlefield, it seemed stupid to consider him anything but solid.

“You never said anything.”

“It’s a habit we share, eh?”

There was no room for accusations when you’d been just as at fault. You smiled wryly, slowly lowering yourself back down onto the bed beside Thomas. The man’s hand shrugged towards you with ease and after a moment, you picked the cigarette from between his fingers.

You rarely smoked, could hardly afford it with your lifestyle and didn’t care much for the taste. But you wouldn’t look a gift horse in the mouth and it felt enough like camaraderie that you couldn’t help but accept the stick.

As you drew smoke into your lungs and exhaled, a tingle ran up your spine. Your shoulders sagged and you closed your eyes for a moment, imagining the sharp edges of you softening and the claws of your nightmare temporarily withdrawing.

“So if I fought for mine,” Thomas continued unbidden and he bumped his arm gently against yours. “And you fought for yours-” The cigarette disappeared from your hand and reappeared between his teeth.

“I believe soldiers face the consequences together, Carter."

His gaze shifted back to you and you studied his face carefully. You knew what it looked like when someone was lying by now, knew when someone was just trying to soften the blow. Thomas was doing neither.

You leaned back slowly against the headboard of the bed, your thoughts racing too quickly to allow you the prospect of sleep just yet.

Fingers danced carefully across the back of your head, just along the edges of your scar. You turned your head to find Thomas intently watching you, his eyes blazing a colder blue than you remembered.

"Call me next time. Do us both some good."

[fandomchaosposts]

alèssi save me

save me alèssi

save me

[ihaveastorminme]

I heard "good luck babe" once.... and i cannot stop listening to it now

[everything4free]

Using tumblr is weird for me i am still trying to learn hiw to use it in a way that is actually enjoyable 4 Me... Be patient🤞🏻

[ordinarytalk]

What I should be doing:

Packing to visit my family tomorrow

Eating something

Wrapping presents

Cleaning like 1/30th of the horrorshow mess that I'm living in

Running the clippers through the back of my head so I don't have a shaggy semi-mullet when I see Mom tomorrow

T H E D I S H E S

What I am doing:

Suddenly being taken with the overwhelming compulsion to drive an hour to IKEA and buying a kitchen cart and driving an hour back and assembling the kitchen cart and then rearranging my entire kitchen so I have a place to put the kitchen cart.

The kitchen cart is too small, btw. This did not solve my storage space problems.

[blueb3rryteapot]

train rides are just so perfect for the romanticization of life

[hi-haveagoodday]

finally finally listened to now and then. dont watch the music video if you value your life.

[elysianfieldsarchive]

While Elysian Fields has long been a fanfic archive, we've happily ventured into other storytelling mediums over the last few years (with a much beloved nudge from @isevery0nehereverystoned whose comic, shared initially on our Discord community, served as our inaugural narrative artwork debut). Our current features celebrate the many ways there are to share Spuffy stories.

Back to Life by EverythingElse R ✓

Anything We Want by scratchmeout NC-17 ✓

It's Been Occurring To Me by acekoomboom PG ✓

She's Hell on the Old Skins by HappyWhenItRains G ✓

Those Who Hold With Fire by Dirtyaim PG-13 ✓

[sunnydaleherald]

The Sunnydale Herald Newsletter, Friday, April 18th

Cordelia: And if you're not too swamped with catching up you should come by the Bronze tonight. Buffy: The who? Cordelia: The Bronze. It's the only club worth going to around here. They let anybody in, but it's still the scene. It's in the bad part of town. Buffy: Where's that? Cordelia: About a half a block from the good part of town. (laughing) We don't have a whole lot of town here. But, um, you should show!

~~Welcome to the Hellmouth~~

[Drabbles & Short Fiction]

Taste is Subjective by veronyxk84 (Spike & Xander, PG-13)

First Leg by JoshuAB (Xander, Buffy, Quantum Leap crossover, FR15)

[Chaptered Fiction]

Corrigendo Tabulam, Chapter 42 by lyrical_echoes (Tara, Ensemble, not rated)

Where Do We Go From Here? Chapter 10 by storiwr (Buffy/Spike, M)

William Pratt, Vampire Watcher, Chapter 2 by eevol76vamp (Ensemble, E)

Here Be Monsters, Chapter 3 by girlpire (Angel/Spike, E)

Comeback Boy, Chapter 3 by noripori (Buffy/Spike, M)

Slayer Reborn, Chapter 1 by secretshifter (Spike/OC, T)

Ties to the World, Chapter 41 by The Danish Bird (Buffy/Spike, NC-17)

Arrive Before the Birds, Chapter 14 by EverythingElse (Buffy/Spike, NC-17)

Ghost, Chapter 26 (complete!) by Maxine Eden (Buffy/Spike, NC-17)

Uninvited, Chapter 5 by Melme1325 (Buffy/Spike, NC-17)

The Zeppo In Time, Chapter 8 by CheekyKitten (Buffy/Spike, NC-17)

Candy Grams, Chapter 2 by ClowniestLivEver (Buffy/Spike, NC-17)

Sojourns in Heaven, Chapter 4 by elements (Buffy/Spike, NC-17)

Can't Get No Satisfaction, Chapter 2 by Melme1325 (Buffy/Spike, NC-17)

spike and the stakes, Chapters 10-12 by jewelram (Buffy/Spike, PG-13)

Teenage Kicks, Chapter 1 by Sigyn (Buffy/Spike, R)

Arrive Before the Birds, Chapter 14 by EverythingElse (Buffy/Spike, NC-17)

What the Drabble? Vol. 3, Chapter 41 by VeroNyxK84 (Buffy/Spike, PG-13)

[Images, Audio & Video]

Artwork: lovebites by evesock (Darla/Drusilla, E (NSFW))

Artwork: Spike drawing by Accomplished-Tie-852 (worksafe)

Artwork: Spike in the world without shrimp by xaeyrnofnbe (worksafe)

Artwork: the rest of the Spike art by doodlejoops (worksafe)

Artwork: Aud Giles [OC] plus bonus Spike doodles by jplupine (NSFW)

Artwork: something Buffy definitely doesn't dream of between the events of Graduation Day and Sanctuary by sideartblog999 (Faith, worksafe)

Gifs: Cordelia Chase + 🏹 Angel the Series (1.03) (2.17) & (3.06) by coffygifs

Gifs: Lorne in 2.13 "Happy Anniversary" by spikexander

Fanvid: Faith Lehane | I Lost My Faith (BTVS) by SweetAndBitterCherry

Fanvid: Buffy & Angel || Archer by Literally Just Edits

Fanvid: Buffy Summers X Holy Hell by Deanna Stinson-Wish Fire

Fanvid: Buffy and Spike- You Broke Me First by Beyond The Page Edits

Fanvid: Buffy Woman - Lady Marmalade by juliaroxs241

Fanvid: Buffy and Angel - Don't Smile by juliaroxs241

Fanvid: Buffy and Angel - 2 Become 1 by juliaroxs241 (vidder uploaded many other vids as well)

Fanvid: Buffy and Spike - Baby Boy By Beyoncé by Nakia Littlejohn

Vidlet: Buffy and Spike - Only Love Can Hurt Like This By Paloma Faith by Nakia Littlejohn

Vidlet: Crawling back to you Buffy and Faith by T.S.

Video: Sculpting Buffy the vampire slayer by ManILoveFigures Art

Video: Buffy Breakdown with Malcom Hartland - S02E09 - "What's My Line? (Part 1)" - Cemetery Vamp Fight by Buffy Breakdown

Song: Something to Sing About - Buffy the Vampire Slayer by Sparkly Rainbow

[Reviews & Recaps]

Bitácora de una millennial mirando Buffy por primera vez by cintademoebius

Video: Why I Love Buffy the Vampire Slayer by Mycah J

Video: Buffy the Vampire Slayer Season 4: Episode 17 - Superstar by The Cheshire Kiwi

Video: The Freshman: Buffy's Perfect Season Opener by Rachel Macdonald

Podcast video: Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Season 4 Episode 7 - The Initiative by Sh*t 90s Shows Taught Me

Podcast video: S5E07: Fool For Love by One Girl in All the World

Podcast video: Buffy's Angels: Touched by The Franchise: A Film Podcast

Podcast video: Buffy's Angels: Home by The Franchise: A Film Podcast

Podcast video: Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Season Five, Episode Three: The Replacement by Slayed! The Buffyverse Revisited Podcast

Podcast video: Buffy S04E01 "The Freshman" Spoiler Review by LGRN - Entertainment

Podcast: Touched S7 E20 (Buffy and the Art of Story Podcast) by Lisa M. Lilly

Podcast: Once more with feeling - 6x5 Life Serial (Buffy the Vampire Slayer) by Nerd Subculture Podcast

Podcast: BwB 615 - Super Soakers [As You Were] by Beer with Buffy

[Recs]

Fic rec: Into the Blue by Ascian (Buffy/Spike, M) recced by Priceless

[Community Announcements]

Round 16 Signups by tvmovie20in20 icon community

Vampire Tournament 2025 — 🦇Submissions are OPEN!🦇 by vampiretournament

[Fandom Discussions]

the whole season seven bit of everyone getting mad at willow for not using magic feels like it’s undermining her whole magic-addiction plot to begin with by blush-and-books

people who like repressed characters should watch buffy the vampire slayer by comradesummers

The weirdest thing about BtVS is that there are no people of color [in the main cast] by fiercestpurpose

“It’s Not About the Age Gap”—Except It Always Is (Until It Isn’t) by hellmouthhottakes

The Spuffy Rewriting of "Becoming, Part 2" Is Delusional by hellmouthhottakes

I think the most unrealistic part about Buffy the vampire slayer is the fact that there town has a club that lets high schoolers in by dirt-bags-world

how flashback from Fool For Love reframed Lover's Walk... by mangio-formaggio

Did it go too far? continued by MoonLight SY-3

Full rewatch complete ! by Astolphe

Darla, Cordelia, or Nina. Angel's best love interest by FoxIndependent4310

Do/did places like The Bronze exist in the USA? by DGReddAuthor

Did Angel really believe he was better than Spike? by brunchingermany

Buffy Summers: Class Protector by gebbethine

What is a character who you think was different in their first appearance compared to how they usually are written or ended up being portrayed, later on? by Big-Restaurant-2766

Blown away, again... by SpiritDitties_NoTone

"Witch" appreciation post by Acceptable-Kiwi-9251

Was Spike Buffy's shadow self during season 6? by PlusComplaint7567

"Beneath You": a comment, and a question about "him" by jpollo03

What the Klepto?! by JumpingJonquils

GILES SPOTTED!!!! (soooo random) by Haru_Mayfly

Was Riley really that terrible ? by Haru_Mayfly

Best face-acting moments in the show? by BunnythatMeows

Who is your favorite female villain in the Buffyverse? by Easy-Distribution223

“The Body” absolutely broke me as a first time watcher today by Wise-Hall2292

In a "modern" version of the show, how do you think the characters would be changed? by TheCrushSoda

Video: Buffy Lore - What was the Gem of Amara? by BuffyExplained

Video: Buffy Lore - The Slayer (Part 1) by Slayer Handbook

Podcast video: Buffy's Scooby Gang - Character Alignment Discussions (The Quitcast 7.17) by Becca Syme

Podcast: What is family in Buffy the Vampire Slayer? by A Girl, A Guy and A Buffy Podcast

Submit a link to be included in the newsletter!

Join the editor team :)

[gallivich]

16 jan

2025 #3

hai tumblr lucky number 3 (or maybe thats 7 BUT ILL GET BACK TO U ON DAY 7)!!! School decent now im out the shower with my fingernails about to fuckign fall off ok.

Omg whats so fucking crazy is the dsmp drama atm wdym back in like 2020 i was watvhing them all be friends laughing together and now THIS is happebing. Likeee what. Im so fucking full up coz i ate a small meal like 5 hours but i ksut want mozzarella sticks SO BADwell. Technically called halloumi fries but taht just sounds gross af . Anyway. School. These fuckass boys keep saying i have a big nose LIKE I DONT ALREADY FUCJING KNOW but its so embarrasing coz theyll say it and no one even notices them like ur looking a little desperate. But like its kinda my first experience ever with first hand bullying and im js thinking like this is no fun at all tbh. I JUST FEEL SO LONELY ALL THE TIME IM ACTUALLY DONE lowkey consider offing myself often solely because of my lack of friends. Like thats js not thr wwy to live is it. But then it all goes away whn im back at school so im just waitng. OOHHHBFUCK NO ITS FRIDAY!!! i just like wednesdays and thursdays NO GEOGRAPHY!!!!! I fucking hate geographys nd im terrified of my fucking bitchass geography tracher god shes so fuckijg rude. Okmore about my day:::

In drama my ljke bff (in myclass afleast) didnt wanna talk to me or snyrhjng and i was just ljek. Oh. Even tho we're the closest to eachtoehr in the class and i jsut dont see why not so i ahd to pair with people who are like bffs w eschtojer and i jsut so wasnt feleing it. And then the meanest girl in my class was crying all day and im jsjt sorta like ca n someone get. Her emotional support like it ruins the vibe so bsd. Had a maths test and couldnt answer a single question and lunch was awkward af but i saw my crush alot so idm so mich AND LIKE NOW THAT I LOOK BACK ON THE DAY LJTERALLT NOTJING HAPPENED

Then i went to chemist and boight mabelline like magic stick or whatever tf they call it but it was lokwey in thr weong shade and makes me look like a ghost BUT I THINK I CAN MAKE IT WOrk. Im not wasting 10 fuckign quid no way like that shits expensive AND AFTER MONTHHSS OF WANTING I FOIND BURTS BEES POMEGRANATE LIPBALM. Lowkey shit doesnteven smell very good or tint lips and it made stupid alarm go off snd it scared me so bad what if they think i stole it and thry track me down. Abyway! Im just so out of it today bothing good happened nad im bored and im not excited tor tomorrow but im kinda excited actually because i can yap to friend in biologyfor 2 periods straight and theres a lockdown happening mid geography SO LIKE BASICALLY NO GEOGRAPHY IF U THINK HARD ENOUGH ABOUT IT. I fucking despise geography. YAAAYYY. I feel bad because its almost my dads birthday next friday AND I HAVE NO HFUFKING CLUE WHWY TO GET HIM and my mums lowkey acting psycho af like chronically ill i lowkey in my heart beloeve shes got bipolar like actually no joke i see it in her eyes (joke) but not a joke coz i think she does

The second hand embarrasment when i was scrolling on tiktok with ym friend ya and her "secret" account whereshe posts like intense vents on comes up on my fyp while shes watching LIKE THAS SO EMBARRASING FOR HER ABUT I SCROLELD PASTVSO IT WASNT LIKE A BIGDEAL idk ok i just booked to tommy innit he said give me a goddamn minute i saidbitch pass me the blubt icnalled for the dick not s hfkcjng man hunt!

Today im enjyong mozzarella sticks, glee, sinjin, spice and everything nice, FUCK IDK!!!!!!! Ok idk what to go watch i judt wnana sleep but i haent done ANYTHIGN today so i feelim wasting th eday away

Today im hating being full, my face, homework, smelling bad, anxiety snd everythingelse bad sorry for sad quinn gif theres no normal quinngifs and lwokey mood. Relishing in the fact ive only cried once thebwhole year. Man im winning(not oncluding lowkey tearing up sniffles DOESNT FUCKING COUNT)

lover, you shouldve come over - jeff buckley

[susmitartx]

He is not curious

about my Playlist , my poetry , my art

My daydreams , my nightmares

and everythingelse i want to unfold in depth.

I wait , till the end of our conversation

sanguine about

one curious question .

its a void and i keep falling into it,

Into you .

I have looked in your eyes they don't shine when I'm Scattering petals of my mind , it's always looking somewherelse,

Where do you look at ?

The pyre of my unspoken verses ?

My eyes stitched with questions and yours stitched with silence .

Sometimes I feel

i should stop ‘actually’ mentioning any of it .

Then the apprehensions of separation encumbrances,

the burden of silence haunts

and i talk to myself ,

should i let things run wild

take its own shape ?

I don't know how to drive my pale-blue energy out

Am I fueling something bizzare by not talking about this to him ?

Am I getting crazy over this ? definitely

[possuminnit]

SHE SNAPPED A GUY'SNECK LAINEYYYYYYY she's coworkers with Belzenlock and says he can't wait to PLaaaaaaaay oughgghggfg

is. Hey is she single. i could fix her on hating aldren. not on the other stuff tho i hope she says how she is on everythingelse

[hannahhbic]

Tag game! Thank you for the tag @miyumih4 🩵

Favorite color: purple

Currently watching: crazy ex gf, hq (with friends), rewatch of daiya act ii

Sweet/savory/spicy: savory for sure

Relationship status: gay married for 5+ years

Current obsession: daiya (specifically trans headcanons and rarepairs)

Last thing you googled: the lyrics to brat by chrissy chlapecka

Tagging: @eastbluesaga @thebarnburn @ophelisae @pheenick @life-universe-and-everythingelse

[shoegazekid]

#everythingelse #shoegaze

[sunnydaleafterdark]

Latest Story: Arrive Before the Birds, Chapter 16 by EverythingElse [NC-17]

Read it here: https://www.sunnydaleafterdark.com/viewstory.php?sid=1915&chapter=16

“Angelus.”

  His grandsire grinned at him from the doorway. “Spike.” He said, sounding for all the world like he was pleasantly surprised.

He was hauling around a sweet-smelling bundle of youth– a fresh-faced little girl whose thundering blood reeked of the unripened energy Angelus had always been fondest of before he’d been saddled with a soul. She was shivering with fear, fumigating the room with it. Her big blue eyes darted between her captor and the beast before her.

  Laughter burbled up out of Spike’s throat. Disbelief. After a century of being a great, big, useless sod… “I'll be damned.”

  OR:

  The Monks caught wind of the fact that Glory had gotten strong enough to start physically manifesting in Ben's body, so they performed the ritual a few years early.

  Having Dawn around as flesh and blood instead of smoke and mirrors changes things.