#example of pattern seeking

[my-autism-adhd-blog]

Predicting Film Plots and 4 Other Examples of Autistic Pattern Seeking

Neurodivergent_lou

[darabeatha]

I just think his final ascension slaps SO hard

[bendover-productions]

Yes hehe, I do have a follow-up, because I AGREE it's so good!!! I just rewatched it for the first time since it first came out (I think?) and I was so charmed by it all over again! I kind of think episode 5 of that season is objectively one of their best episodes ever… I looove the way the teams splitting up allows for interesting interactions between all four of them, and I like the strategizing over the phone parts, I find it really charming. But yes I remember the comments on reddit and youtube being kinda harsh on that season when it came out, ESPECIALLY about Sam and Scotty. And I think youtube and reddit are just generally harsher on Sam, more so than on tumblr, but I just think they're misreading him soooo unfairly in this specific context!!! People were mad at how "smug" they were when their tactic was getting in Ben and Adam's way instead of capturing flags, but I found it very funny and think most of those people would have too, if it was happening in the opposite direction… Also that season just has incredible Sam vibes imo. He literally seems thrilled just to be travelling Japan and to be getting some jogging done. He's having so much fun!!! And the Sam and Adam 5D train chess moment that leads to them hanging out in a picturesque little town… Obviously incredible. And then them watching Ben and Scotty's trackers next to each other on the train later. And also, importantly, Sam's bucket hat… Literally what's not to love??? And as far as I remember they all describe the season as having been a lot of fun to film as well… One criticism that I maybe do get is that it's very much a high intensity game with fewer chill moments for both them and the audience, especially in the first round, so I can understand that not being to everyone's taste….. But yes, I think that season is sooooo underrated and I'd love to see them bring the format back! And I had that take rattling around my head for many days, so I thought I'd free myself of it by giving it to you :) I'm glad you also liked it <3

me + u....

as i’ve been powering through seasons i have been a little worried like. what am i gonna do when i get to the end and have to WAIT but hearing this is good because i feel like it confirms there's so much re-watch potential!! don't threaten me with a good time (rewatching jet lag).

i also love the phone strategizing!! charming is the right word for it. can’t remember any quotes precisely because my brain is a sieve but i just remember them yapping for a majority of the episode and i liked being able to see them collaborating even though they were doing different things if that makes sense? they got to be their own decision-makers within the unit which is interesting To Me in terms of strategy. which! i have not been on reddit or the youtube comments but :/ don’t malign my boy sam!! he might’ve done all that (been very happy to have thwarted adam and ben) but he doesn’t deserve it…*

i think it is very common for all of them to do that and it’s not malicious? it is maybe a little smug but one of the unique things about this season was how much they got to SEE each other after making moves. usually they’re facetiming across countr(ies) for five minutes and even then they do gloat a little bit about particularly good or thwarting moves. we just get to see in person the joy of coming up with a strategy that was successful [and perhaps ties back into scotty. scotty just wants SO badly to do well and not let sam down that to me!! it’s really important that they celebrate this (not)victory!! let scotty have success even if it’s not conventional!!] the other team didn’t think of because they all fundamentally think different ways. ben and adam are always more high risk high reward and especially in this game sam and scotty played a lot more defense so it feels natural to me to extend that strategy to the fact that after obtaining a lead he wouldn’t risk it, he’d defend it (thwarted ben and adam). if you’re already winning you don’t need to pull the goalie!!

but yes sam has a GREAT time this season and every time he gets on a super fast train he’s so excited 🥺 AND THE 5D CHESS!! the sam/adam scenic getaway means sooo much to me i watched it heart in my throat and also pen in hand ✍️ ✍️ ✍️

let it be said i don't think this season was the one that stressed me out so bad that i HAD to keep watching it? for sure this one was very tense but i think i exist at such a high state of stress at all times watching jet lag that this didn't even register as more stressful than normal. or i simply repressed all the stress i felt idk. it was simultaneously not a chill season (them getting lost and on the wrong trains right off the bat) but also very chill because there’s a lot of downtime on the trains? and we got choo choo chew!!! which is so beloved to me!!! there’s a lot to love about this season i think.

[ms-demeanor]

I understand that vaccines are proven to work and are a great advancement in our medicine, and also that homeopathic remedies don't work, but don't they work on the same principal? Why does one work and the other doesnt?

They do not work on the same principle.

I can see how vaccines look like a "like treats like" situation, but in homeopathy "like treats like" is a kind of magical thinking.

Let's take an example from Chicken Pox, a virus for which there is an effective vaccine and for which there is a common homeopathic treatment.

Chicken pox infects people once, and it is extremely rare to get a second case because once you have had it, your body forms persistent antibodies against the varicella-zoster virus. When I was a kid, they didn't have a vaccine for this, so kids mostly got chicken pox once and it ran around whole schools and that was it. It's a virus that is fairly minor in children, though it can cause dangerously high fevers. Adults who get chicken pox typically get much sicker than children who get it, and it can lead to permanent harms like infertility in adults who get it. Because it can be so dangerous, we don't want people to risk getting it, so we vaccinate.

The way the vaccine works is that it takes a weakened form of the virus and introduces that into the body of a person with a healthy immune system. The immune system responds and the person who got the vaccine may get some minor symptoms, like a headache or a slight fever, but it will be nowhere near as severe as getting actual chicken pox would be. Because the immune system was exposed to the virus and responded, it now has antibodies against the virus that recognize the virus and respond immediately before it can start replicating in the body. If a person who has either previously had chicken pox or who has been vaccinated against it is exposed to the chicken pox virus, their body uses those antibodies to react to the virus and protect against a systemic infection.

Are you familiar with Star Trek? It's kind of like the Borg. You can't use the same attack pattern against the Borg multiple times because if you do, they'll recognize the pattern and will be able to defend against it. The virus is the attacker, and your immune system is the Borg. It knows what it's looking for and won't let anything get through its defenses.

Homeopathic remedies don't seek to prevent illness or provoke an immune response, they seek to cancel out something that is happening in the body.

For chicken pox, which produces itchy red bumps, homeopaths use Rhus Tox - a dilution of poison ivy, a plant that causes itchy red bumps if you encounter it in nature. The Rhus Tox didn't cause the chicken pox, it's not given to prevent the virus, it's from a plant that is completely unrelated to the virus that happens to produce some of the same symptoms as the virus when you touch it.

They don't even think that the Rhus Tox will provoke an immune response from your body like actually touching poison ivy would, they're attempting to use an unrelated compound (that is so diluted that it isn't even present in the preparation) in place of your immune system to attack the itchy red bumps.

So I'm going to go over this in a few brief points:

Vaccines are preventative ONLY, they are not a treatment for illness or symptoms of an illness

Vaccines work by introducing your immune system to a partial, weakened, or dead virus so that your immune system can form antibodies against that virus and prevent that virus from replicating in your body when it is later exposed to a whole/strong/live virus.

Different vaccines have different levels of effectiveness and produce different lengths of immunity; this is for a number of reasons, but if you get a measles shot as a kid you may only ever need one booster, while you need a flu shot every year and a tetanus shot every decade. All of them work the same way, though: they show your immune system what a virus looks like so that your immune system can kill the virus.

That is why immune compromised people sometimes can't be vaccinated, or why vaccines don't work as well for them or may need higher doses or more boosters. Because they don't have a healthy immune system, weakened viruses like the ones in the chickenpox virus might be too strong for their immune system to fight, and even if it doesn't get them sick, their bodies may not be able to produce enough effective antibodies to protect them from the virus in the future. That's part of why it's important for as many people to be vaccinated as possible; the more people who are vaccinated, the harder it is for viruses to spread, and vulnerable people like immune compromised people or babies too young for vaccination won't be exposed to deadly viruses.

Homeopathy, on the other hand, aims to treat symptoms of an illness that a person is already experiencing.

Homeopathic treatments do not aim to provoke an immune response, they aim to cancel out a symptom with a cure.

Dilution is a very important part of homeopathy, with homeopaths claiming that the more diluted a preparation is the stronger it is. This is simply incorrect; I don't know how to make a more logical explanation of that, it is just wrong that less of a substance causes more of a response.

Homeopathy says "like treats like" and that may seem like using a vaccine with a weak virus to prevent infection from a strong virus, but their version of "like" is different - Rhus Tox (poison ivy) is supposed to be "like" chicken pox because both cause itching. Rhus tox is also supposed to treat PCOS, erectile dysfunction, uterine prolapse, sunken eyes, nausea, and backache. "Like" can have an extremely broad meaning in homeopathy, which should be cause for suspicion.

Here's a paper that compared the immune response of college students given homeopathic "vaccines" against a control group and against a group of students who were given standard medical vaccines. The control group and the homeopathic group both did not have an immune response in titer tests, while the vaccination group did have an immune response, demonstrating that they had protection from the vaccinated viruses. It's a pretty good demonstration both of how effective homeopathy is (not at all) as well as how to set up a fair and ethical study to look at the effectiveness of different kinds of treatments.

[drdemonprince]

have you defined the meaning of “white woman brain” anywhere and if not, can you? /gen

Many Black and brown feminist writers have discussed this phenomenon and I encourage you to seek out a lot of writing about this subject, because there are a variety of perspectives, but to distill it, white woman fragility brain is a phenomenon that is not exclusive to either white people or to women, but is especially common among those who can weaponize white womanhood, and it consists of the following qualities:

A view of oneself as a helpless victim that is constantly in threat of being attacked, especially by strangers (even though statistically, this is not the case).

A refusal to consider oneself as capable of doing harm to others, especially a lack of consideration toward others' body autonomy or consent. (even while being highly concerned about one's own autonomy and consent).

A generally passive or passive-aggressive orientation toward the world: seeing oneself as a romantic or sexual object to be approached, but never wanting to initiate (or feeling that one never can), never feeling comfortable directly communicating displeasure or one's desires, believing that others instead must guess at it. (and then resenting people when they don't, but never expressing it).

A tendency to cry, excessively berate oneself, complain about being made to feel "unsafe," or give up when criticized or challenged, especially when challenged by people of color.

A tendency to associate a person's body type with how much of a threat they are. For example, feeling unsafe around people with penises and expecting a social space to accommodate that fear to cater to you, a fear of people who come from cultures where it's common to speak loudly, a fear of those who are large, assertive, and/or darker-skinned.

Instinctive fawning-type responses to stress, and a pattern of feigning happiness, agreeability, and ease when one is not genuinely feeling it, and expecting all other people (but especially other women) to feign happiness as well, paired with a deep-seated resentment of anyone who violates this illusion and expresses any negativity (being especially punitive toward women of color).

Instinctively "smoothing over" conflict between other people before it even begins, even when healthy conflict is necessary and not at all your business-- often performed by gossiping behind other people's backs, triangulating information when it is not yours to share, asking people to alter their behavior in order to avoid a reaction from somebody else, presenting your concerns as if they were somebody else's ("what will people think!"), tone-policing the airing of grievances, derailing hard conversations with more light-hearted topics, and excluding people who are known to be candid and assertive.

Here are some articles on elements of the phenomenon and why it is so dangerous:

Now, I single white cis women out a lot when I am describing this phenomenon, because they have the most to gain from exhibiting these qualities, but make no mistake: this is a pattern that many types of people can and do use. I have seen white trans women use white women's tears to silence critique. I have witnessed women of color being passive-aggressively derailed and silenced by a Black manager who was in a position of institutional power over them. Multiple of the women who sexually harassed me in the story linked above were not white. And LORD knows I see plenty of t boys falling back on this shit, as well as cis men from wealthy backgrounds. It's a mindset that has deep colonial roots and we all must be on the look out for it in ourselves and others, and we must be vigilant in uprooting it.

[pearlprincess02]

pluto in a man's birthchart

pluto in 1st house

with pluto in the 1st house, a man often experiences life with intense passion and a profound sense of power and control. his presence can be magnetic, drawing others in while he navigates deep-seated issues of obsession and jealousy. this placement fosters a transformative approach to self-expression, where renewal comes through confronting personal taboos and exploring the subconscious. his sexuality is marked by a powerful, often compelling energy that drives him to uncover and embrace hidden desires and deeper truths about himself. in relationships, this intensity can lead to a dynamic where power plays a significant role, pushing him toward profound personal growth and understanding.

keywords: magnetic enigma, alpha, dark horse, intense lover, power player, obsessive pursuer, transformative leader, taboo breaker, complex anti-hero, passionate visionary.

examples from movies/tv: don draper (mad men), patrick bateman (american psycho), tom ripley (the talented mr. ripley), dexter morgan (dexter), jesse pinkman (breaking bad)

pluto in 2nd house

with pluto in the 2nd house, a man’s approach to life is deeply intertwined with intensity and passion, especially regarding personal values and material security. he often seeks power and control through financial stability and possessions, leading to obsessive tendencies about wealth and resources. this placement can stir feelings of jealousy over material success or status, pushing him toward significant transformation and renewal in his self-worth and values. delving into taboos and the subconscious, he explores deep-seated fears and desires related to his value system and personal assets. his sexuality is characterized by a profound, sometimes all-consuming drive, revealing a need to merge deeply with his desires and those of his partners, transforming both self and relationship dynamics.

keywords: resourceful enigma, possessive tycoon, obsessive collector, transformative financier, taboo-breaking sensualist, passionate materialist, controlling patriarch, 

examples from movies/tv: gordon gekko (wall street), frank underwood (house of cards), walter white (breaking bad), tyler durden (fight club), michael corleone (the godfather),

pluto in 3rd house

with pluto in the 3rd house, a man experiences intense passion and drive in his communication and intellectual pursuits. his need for power and control manifests through his interactions and thought processes, often leading to obsessive focus on his ideas and relationships. jealousy might surface in his exchanges, particularly if he feels challenged or threatened intellectually. this placement fosters significant transformation and renewal through exploring deeply held beliefs and confronting subconscious patterns. he may be drawn to uncover and engage with taboos, especially those related to communication and learning. in sexuality, his approach is intense and transformative, reflecting a deep desire to connect profoundly and intellectually with his partners, reshaping his perceptions and experiences of intimacy.

keywords: intense communicator, manipulative wordsmith, obsessive researcher, transformative thinker, taboo-breaking provocateur, passionate debater, controlling intellect, 

examples from movies/tv: hannibal lecter (the silence of the lambs), john doe (se7en), tony stark (iron man), roy waller (matchstick men), william foster (falling down),

pluto in 4th house

with pluto in the 4th house, a man’s intensity and passion are deeply rooted in his home life and family dynamics. his quest for power and control often centers on creating a secure and dominant presence within his domestic sphere, leading to obsessive tendencies regarding his personal space and family relationships. jealousy may emerge over issues of control or security within the home. this placement drives profound transformation and renewal through revisiting and resolving deep-seated familial and emotional issues. he is drawn to explore taboos and subconscious fears related to his upbringing and emotional foundations. in sexuality, his approach is deeply transformative, seeking to merge his intimate desires with a profound emotional connection, reshaping his understanding of personal and relational intimacy.

keywords: intense patriarch, controlling homebody, obsessive family man, transformative foundation builder, taboo-breaking ancestor, passionate nurturer, 

examples from movies/tv: norman bates (psycho), tyrion lannister (game of thrones), thomas shelby (peaky blinders), tony soprano (the sopranos), frank gallagher (shameless),

pluto in 5th house

with pluto in the 5th house, a man’s intensity and passion are channeled into his creative pursuits, romantic relationships, and self-expression. his desire for power and control often manifests through his creative projects and romantic involvements, leading to obsessive behaviors around these areas. jealousy might surface in matters of love or competition, driving him to confront deeper issues of self-worth and recognition. this placement encourages significant transformation and renewal through exploring and redefining his sources of pleasure and creativity. he may be drawn to uncover and engage with taboos related to self-expression and romance, delving into the subconscious aspects of his desires. in sexuality, his approach is profoundly transformative, seeking to fuse passion with emotional depth, reshaping his experiences of intimacy and personal fulfillment.

keywords: intense charmer, controlling stage presence, obsessive performer, transformative creator, taboo-breaking artist, passionate lover, 

examples from movies/tv: christian grey (fifty shades of grey), james bond (james bond series), joker (the dark knight), david aames (vanilla sky), bojack horseman (bojack horseman),

pluto in 6th house

with pluto in the 6th house, a man’s intensity and passion are deeply intertwined with his work, health, and daily routines. his drive for power and control is channeled into his professional life and personal well-being, often leading to obsessive behaviors regarding productivity and perfectionism. jealousy may arise in competitive work environments or over perceived inadequacies in his routines. this placement promotes profound transformation and renewal through confronting and overhauling old habits and health issues. he is compelled to explore taboos and subconscious fears related to his work environment and daily life. in sexuality, his approach is transformative, seeking to integrate his desires with a deeper understanding of his own needs and those of his partners, reshaping his intimate connections and personal growth.

keywords: intense workaholic, controlling perfectionist, obsessive researcher, transformative healer, taboo-breaking rebel, passionate servant, 

examples from movies/tv: dr. gregory house (house m.d.), michael bluth (arrested development), howard stark (agent carter), elliot alderson (mr. robot), paul atreides (dune),

pluto in 7th house

with pluto in the 7th house, a man experiences intense passion and drive in his relationships and partnerships. his need for power and control often emerges through dynamics with others, leading to obsessive behaviors and deep-seated issues around partnership and commitment. jealousy may manifest in romantic or business relationships, prompting him to confront and resolve underlying fears. this placement fosters significant transformation and renewal through the exploration and redefinition of his relational patterns. he is drawn to delve into taboos and subconscious patterns related to intimacy and collaboration. in sexuality, his approach is profound and transformative, seeking to deeply connect with partners while continuously evolving his understanding of intimacy and personal connection.

keywords: intense partner, controlling manipulator, obsessive lover, transformative union seeker, taboo-breaking rebel, passionate collaborator, 

examples from movies/tv: julius caesar (rome), gordon ramsay (hell’s kitchen), patrick jane (the mentalist), rick sanchez (rick and morty), victor von doom / doctor doom (fantastic four),

pluto in 8th house

with pluto in the 8th house, a man experiences profound intensity and passion in areas related to intimacy, shared resources, and personal transformation. his drive for power and control often surfaces in matters of joint finances or deep emotional connections, leading to obsessive tendencies and complex dynamics around trust and vulnerability. jealousy may arise over issues of control or emotional depth within relationships. this placement is marked by significant transformation and renewal through confronting and integrating profound psychological and emotional experiences. he is compelled to explore taboos and the subconscious, delving into the darker aspects of his psyche and desires. in sexuality, his approach is intensely transformative, seeking deep, meaningful connections that challenge and reshape his understanding of intimacy and personal power.

keywords: intense enigma, controlling power broker, obsessive investigator, transformative healer, taboo-breaking mystic, passionate lover, 

examples from movies/tv: anton chigurh (no country for old men), nicholas van orton (the game), david (the skin i live in), lestat de lioncourt (interview with the vampire), james bond (casino royale),

pluto in 9th house

with pluto in the 9th house, a man’s intensity and passion are directed towards his pursuit of higher knowledge, philosophical beliefs, and long-distance endeavors. his need for power and control manifests through intellectual and spiritual pursuits, often leading to obsessive exploration of big ideas and ideological frameworks. jealousy might arise in academic or philosophical debates, pushing him to confront deep-seated fears about his beliefs and understanding. this placement drives significant transformation and renewal through a profound reassessment of his worldviews and personal philosophies. he is drawn to uncover taboos and subconscious patterns related to his exploration of meaning and purpose. in sexuality, his approach is intense and transformative, seeking to integrate his desires with a deeper understanding of his own values and how they shape his intimate connections.

keywords: intense philosopher, controlling ideologue, obsessive seeker, transformative visionary, taboo-breaking explorer, passionate idealist, 

examples from movies/tv: richard alpert (lost), professor charles xavier (x-men), clyde shelton (law abiding citizen), frank abagnale jr. (catch me if you can), rick grimes (the walking dead),

pluto in 10th house

with pluto in the 10th house, a man’s intensity and passion are focused on his career, public image, and aspirations for success. his drive for power and control manifests through his professional life, often leading to obsessive behavior in achieving career goals and maintaining a dominant public presence. jealousy may surface in competitive work environments or when confronted with others' success, prompting deep self-reflection and transformation. this placement fosters significant renewal through re-evaluating and reshaping his career path and public persona. he is drawn to explore taboos and subconscious fears related to authority and achievement. in sexuality, his approach is profoundly transformative, seeking to integrate his desires with his ambitions, reshaping his intimate relationships to align with his broader goals and personal power.

keywords: intense leader, controlling visionary, obsessive achiever, transformative titan, taboo-breaking maverick, passionate reformer, 

examples from movies/tv: howard hughes (the aviator), donnie brasco (donnie brasco), j.r. ewing (dallas), bruce wayne / batman (batman begins), hank moody (californication),

pluto in 11th house

with pluto in the 11th house, a man’s intensity and passion are directed towards his social circles, friendships, and long-term goals. his quest for power and control often plays out within group dynamics or through his involvement in social causes, leading to obsessive behavior in achieving his idealistic visions. jealousy might arise in relation to his peers or within social networks, prompting him to confront deep-seated fears about acceptance and influence. this placement drives significant transformation and renewal through a profound reassessment of his role within groups and his aspirations. he is drawn to explore taboos and subconscious patterns related to social interactions and collective ideals. in sexuality, his approach is intense and transformative, seeking to align his intimate connections with his broader social and personal ambitions.

keywords: intense revolutionary, controlling idealist, obsessive reformer, transformative visionary, taboo-breaking rebel, passionate humanist, 

examples from movies/tv: jim morrison (the doors), lenny leonard (the simpsons), george costanza (seinfeld), michael scott (the office), boris yellnikoff (whatever works),

pluto in 12th house

with pluto in the 12th house, a man experiences profound intensity and passion within his inner world and subconscious mind. his need for power and control often manifests through hidden or private struggles, leading to obsessive behaviors around his personal fears and psychological patterns. jealousy may emerge from unseen or repressed emotions, prompting deep self-exploration and confrontation with his own shadow self. this placement fosters significant transformation and renewal through working on internal issues and subconscious material. he is drawn to uncover taboos and delve into the depths of his psyche, exploring hidden aspects of his being. in sexuality, his approach is deeply transformative, seeking to integrate his desires with a profound understanding of his inner self, reshaping his intimate relationships through personal growth and introspection.

keywords: intense recluse, controlling shadow self, obsessive seeker, transformative healer, taboo-breaking mystic, passionate visionary, 

examples from movies/tv: travis bickle (taxi driver), rorschach (watchmen), jack torrance (the shining), david (the omen), donnie darko (donnie darko),

all observations are done by me !!! @pearlprincess02

[mostlysignssomeportents]

How lock-in hurts design

Berliners: Otherland has added a second date (Jan 28) for my book-talk after the first one sold out - book now!

If you've ever read about design, you've probably encountered the idea of "paving the desire path." A "desire path" is an erosion path created by people departing from the official walkway and taking their own route. The story goes that smart campus planners don't fight the desire paths laid down by students; they pave them, formalizing the route that their constituents have voted for with their feet.

Desire paths aren't always great (Wikipedia notes that "desire paths sometimes cut through sensitive habitats and exclusion zones, threatening wildlife and park security"), but in the context of design, a desire path is a way that users communicate with designers, creating a feedback loop between those two groups. The designers make a product, the users use it in ways that surprise the designer, and the designer integrates all that into a new revision of the product.

This method is widely heralded as a means of "co-innovating" between users and companies. Designers who practice the method are lauded for their humility, their willingness to learn from their users. Tech history is strewn with examples of successful paved desire-paths.

Take John Deere. While today the company is notorious for its war on its customers (via its opposition to right to repair), Deere was once a leader in co-innovation, dispatching roving field engineers to visit farms and learn how farmers had modified their tractors. The best of these modifications would then be worked into the next round of tractor designs, in a virtuous cycle:

https://securityledger.com/2019/03/opinion-my-grandfathers-john-deere-would-support-our-right-to-repair/

But this pattern is even more pronounced in the digital world, because it's much easier to update a digital service than it is to update all the tractors in the field, especially if that service is cloud-based, meaning you can modify the back-end everyone is instantly updated. The most celebrated example of this co-creation is Twitter, whose users created a host of its core features.

Retweets, for example, were a user creation. Users who saw something they liked on the service would type "RT" and paste the text and the link into a new tweet composition window. Same for quote-tweets: users copied the URL for a tweet and pasted it in below their own commentary. Twitter designers observed this user innovation and formalized it, turning it into part of Twitter's core feature-set.

Companies are obsessed with discovering digital desire paths. They pay fortunes for analytics software to produce maps of how their users interact with their services, run focus groups, even embed sneaky screen-recording software into their web-pages:

https://www.wired.com/story/the-dark-side-of-replay-sessions-that-record-your-every-move-online/

This relentless surveillance of users is pursued in the name of making things better for them: let us spy on you and we'll figure out where your pain-points and friction are coming from, and remove those. We all win!

But this impulse is a world apart from the humility and respect implied by co-innovation. The constant, nonconsensual observation of users has more to do with controlling users than learning from them.

That is, after all, the ethos of modern technology: the more control a company can exert over its users ,the more value it can transfer from those users to its shareholders. That's the key to enshittification, the ubiquitous platform decay that has degraded virtually all the technology we use, making it worse every day:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/02/19/twiddler/

When you are seeking to control users, the desire paths they create are all too frequently a means to wrestling control back from you. Take advertising: every time a service makes its ads more obnoxious and invasive, it creates an incentive for its users to search for "how do I install an ad-blocker":

https://www.eff.org/deeplinks/2019/07/adblocking-how-about-nah

More than half of all web-users have installed ad-blockers. It's the largest consumer boycott in human history:

https://doc.searls.com/2023/11/11/how-is-the-worlds-biggest-boycott-doing/

But zero app users have installed ad-blockers, because reverse-engineering an app requires that you bypass its encryption, triggering liability under Section 1201 of the Digital Millennium Copyright Act. This law provides for a $500,000 fine and a 5-year prison sentence for "circumvention" of access controls:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/01/12/youre-holding-it-wrong/#if-dishwashers-were-iphones

Beyond that, modifying an app creates liability under copyright, trademark, patent, trade secrets, noncompete, nondisclosure and so on. It's what Jay Freeman calls "felony contempt of business model":

https://locusmag.com/2020/09/cory-doctorow-ip/

This is why services are so horny to drive you to install their app rather using their websites: they are trying to get you to do something that, given your druthers, you would prefer not to do. They want to force you to exit through the gift shop, you want to carve a desire path straight to the parking lot. Apps let them mobilize the law to literally criminalize those desire paths.

An app is just a web-page wrapped in enough IP to make it a felony to block ads in it (or do anything else that wrestles value back from a company). Apps are web-pages where everything not forbidden is mandatory.

Seen in this light, an app is a way to wage war on desire paths, to abandon the cooperative model for co-innovation in favor of the adversarial model of user control and extraction.

Corporate apologists like to claim that the proliferation of apps proves that users like them. Neoliberal economists love the idea that business as usual represents a "revealed preference." This is an intellectually unserious tautology: "you do this, so you must like it":

https://boingboing.net/2024/01/22/hp-ceo-says-customers-are-a-bad-investment-unless-they-can-be-made-to-buy-companys-drm-ink-cartridges.html

Calling an action where no alternatives are permissible a "preference" or a "choice" is a cheap trick – especially when considered against the "preferences" that reveal themselves when a real choice is possible. Take commercial surveillance: when Apple gave Ios users a choice about being spied on – a one-click opt of of app-based surveillance – 96% of users choice no spying:

https://arstechnica.com/gadgets/2021/05/96-of-us-users-opt-out-of-app-tracking-in-ios-14-5-analytics-find/

But then Apple started spying on those very same users that had opted out of spying by Facebook and other Apple competitors:

https://pluralistic.net/2022/11/14/luxury-surveillance/#liar-liar

Neoclassical economists aren't just obsessed with revealed preferences – they also love to bandy about the idea of "moral hazard": economic arrangements that tempt people to be dishonest. This is typically applied to the public ("consumers" in the contemptuous parlance of econospeak). But apps are pure moral hazard – for corporations. The ability to prohibit desire paths – and literally imprison rivals who help your users thwart those prohibitions – is too tempting for companies to resist.

The fact that the majority of web users block ads reveals a strong preference for not being spied on ("users just want relevant ads" is such an obvious lie that doesn't merit any serious discussion):

https://www.iccl.ie/news/82-of-the-irish-public-wants-big-techs-toxic-algorithms-switched-off/

Giant companies attained their scale by learning from their users, not by thwarting them. The person using technology always knows something about what they need to do and how they want to do it that the designers can never anticipate. This is especially true of people who are unlike those designers – people who live on the other side of the world, or the other side of the economic divide, or whose bodies don't work the way that the designers' bodies do:

https://pluralistic.net/2022/10/20/benevolent-dictators/#felony-contempt-of-business-model

Apps – and other technologies that are locked down so their users can be locked in – are the height of technological arrogance. They embody a belief that users are to be told, not heard. If a user wants to do something that the designer didn't anticipate, that's the user's fault:

https://www.wired.com/2010/06/iphone-4-holding-it-wrong/

Corporate enthusiasm for prohibiting you from reconfiguring the tools you use to suit your needs is a declaration of the end of history. "Sure," John Deere execs say, "we once learned from farmers by observing how they modified their tractors. But today's farmers are so much stupider and we are so much smarter that we have nothing to learn from them anymore."

Spying on your users to control them is a poor substitute asking your users their permission to learn from them. Without technological self-determination, preferences can't be revealed. Without the right to seize the means of computation, the desire paths never emerge, leaving designers in the dark about what users really want.

Our policymakers swear loyalty to "innovation" but when corporations ask for the right to decide who can innovate and how, they fall all over themselves to create laws that let companies punish users for the crime of contempt of business-model.

I'm Kickstarting the audiobook for The Bezzle, the sequel to Red Team Blues, narrated by @wilwheaton! You can pre-order the audiobook and ebook, DRM free, as well as the hardcover, signed or unsigned. There's also bundles with Red Team Blues in ebook, audio or paperback.

If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/01/24/everything-not-mandatory/#is-prohibited

Image: Belem (modified) https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Desire_path_%2819811581366%29.jpg

CC BY 2.0 https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/deed.en

[txttletale]

can you elaborate on what you consider cohost's "soft play area" philosophy? as far as i could tell, they allowed porn, nudity, gore, and radical politics. my gripe with the site was just regular transmisogyny...

sure -- when i say that, i'm not referring to their moderation policy (which, to be clear, i have entirely separate complaints about wrt racism and transmisogyny) but rather to the actual affordances the websites offered its users -- specifically, in pursuit of an ideological opposition to 'metrics', cohost intentionally obscured information from you like 'who reblogged a post' and 'what additions have been made to a post'. the intention of this was to attempt to prevent clout-seeking or unhealthy user relationships with analytics, which, y'know, admirable goals both, but this implementation in my opinion took away options that i use on other websites to have fun and keep myself safe.

like, part of the reason i am able to have a nice time on the computer here and be somewhat insulated from the harassment campaigns that inevitbaly appear when you dare to be a trans woman online is because i very aggressively and proactively block, i block people who are being rude or annoying or bigoted on my posts, i block people who reblog that addition -- and likewise, i mostly like tumblr because it feels like i can have conversations here, i look at interesting additions to my posts to reblog them, either to add my thoughts or just to share another perspective or clarification on what i said with people. & this is just one particular example of a broader pattern, in which cohost's design was very hostile to discoverability (again, for theoretically good reasons) and expressed that through stifling your ability to access information about the interactions you were having on that website

[valtiere]

Showed my work to family and the response was, well, let's just go with less than enthusiastic... Not unkind, but it left me feeling like a child seeking validation, which is stupid. I'm not, I'm just (apparently) really bad at reading people. I don't pick up on the subtleties so if someone says they like a thing, I share more of it, not realizing that maybe they were just being polite.

Take this blanket (pattern: cosmic cal by Helen Shrimpton), for example . A while back, I gifted it to my mother only for her to immediately give it away. If I'd realized she wouldn't value it, I'd have kept it for myself. And yet still, here I am, trying to share things with people who clearly are not interested. 😒 Am I a hopeful optimist, an idiot or just a slow learner?

Rhetorical question, by the way. This really is just a long winded way of venting into the void and saying, sod it. From now on I'm going to do this stuff for myself. My art. My enjoyment. The way I should have approached it from the start.

Edit: thank you to everyone here who has commented, liked or reblogged my work. It warms my dark and brittle soul to see that people *do* like what I do. I know I'm just bitching here about how the people close to me don't seem to care about it, but I know there are many, many other people who do and that matters to me. I appreciate you all. 💕

[probablyasocialecologist]

Meta has engaged in a “systemic and global” censorship of pro-Palestinian content since the outbreak of the Israel-Gaza war on 7 October, according to a new report from Human Rights Watch (HRW). In a scathing 51-page report, the organization documented and reviewed more than a thousand reported instances of Meta removing content and suspending or permanently banning accounts on Facebook and Instagram. The company exhibited “six key patterns of undue censorship” of content in support of Palestine and Palestinians, including the taking down of posts, stories and comments; disabling accounts; restricting users’ ability to interact with others’ posts; and “shadow banning”, where the visibility and reach of a person’s material is significantly reduced, according to HRW. Examples it cites include content originating from more than 60 countries, mostly in English, and all in “peaceful support of Palestine, expressed in diverse ways”. Even HRW’s own posts seeking examples of online censorship were flagged as spam, the report said. “Censorship of content related to Palestine on Instagram and Facebook is systemic and global [and] Meta’s inconsistent enforcement of its own policies led to the erroneous removal of content about Palestine,” the group said in the report, citing “erroneous implementation, overreliance on automated tools to moderate content, and undue government influence over content removals” as the roots of the problem.

[...]

Users of Meta’s products have documented what they say is technological bias in favor of pro-Israel content and against pro-Palestinian posts. Instagram’s translation software replaced “Palestinian” followed by the Arabic phrase “Praise be to Allah” to “Palestinian terrorists” in English. WhatsApp’s AI, when asked to generate images of Palestinian boys and girls, created cartoon children with guns, whereas its images Israeli children did not include firearms.

[eredhes]

UK people: TransActual need to hear from you if you have been questioned/challenged/stopped for using a single-sex space following the recent interim guidance from the EHRC in response to the supreme court ruling on the Equality Act. I'd like to highlight this includes you if you are cis.

https://transactual.org.uk/equality-act-campaign/single-sex-tracker/

If you’ve been questioned, stopped or challenged using a single-sex space, we need to hear from you. By letting us know about your experience, you’ll help us to track patterns, identify common themes and take steps to advocate on this issue at a national level. We can also put you in touch with people can offer you legal advice, if you’d like it. We recognise that many cis people also face issues when seeking access to single-sex spaces. If you’re cis and have been challenged or stopped because you’re perceived to be trans or perceived to be a sex that you aren’t (for example, a cis woman being challenged in women’s toilets), this form is for you too. We’re working on some guidance on what to do if you’re challenged, stopped or harassed in single-sex spaces, check back on our Equality Act Campaign Hub next week [as of 2/5/2025].

[my-autism-adhd-blog]

Predicting Film Plots and 4 Other Examples of Autistic Pattern Seeking

Neurodivergent_lou

[gamorahww]

Why Fiyeraba Are Perfect for Eachother, According to science MBTI

Through their differences, authenticity, sense of what's right, and just overall being well-meaning people, these two are a great example of how you can lift someone up, just by being your most authentic self and holding space for them to do the same.

Hello, this is a Fiyeraba analysis no one asked for. It doesn’t contain any spoilers for Wicked: Part 2.

Disclaimer Regarding MBTI: I know many people think MBTI is bullshit and even a bit limiting, when we talk about real life, and the people inhabiting it, but in the case of well-written, consistent fictional characters (which applies to both Elphaba and Fiyero) I think MBTI can be used without worrying about negative effects. That being said, enjoy the analysis of Fiyeraba through this lense!

I.) Context, If You Are Not Familiar with MBTI

When it comes to MBTI, there are two angles of looking at the types. One you are probably familiar with is the four-letter abbreviation (ENFP, INTJ, ESTJ, etc), but there is a deeper layer, where we are looking at those cognitive functions that each type uses. There are 16 variations of the four-letter types, but only 8 functions, that vary in order, and preference in each type. 

We identify four main cognitive functions in each type. Introverted types (their four-letter type stars with an I) are most comfortable using their introverted functions, and extraverted types (their four letters start with an E) are most comfortable with their extraverted functions. However as a person grows up, goes through life and evolves, they learn to harness their initially weaker functions better, and this gives them a more well-rounded personality, and a more healthier way of living in the world and be their authentic selves.

The order of the functions is also important, so whatever is in first place is their strongest function, and whatever is their last is their weakest.

You may be looking at this thinking “I didn’t ask for this”. And you are right, you didn’t, but bear with me.

So, lets sum it up: Each four-letter type has four main functions, and the extraverts are good at extravert stuff, while introverts are good at introvert stuff. Got it!

Now that we have this nailed down, lets look at these beatiful idiots then.

II.) Fiyeraba and Their MBTI Types and Cognitive Functions

Elphaba is an INTJ. INTJs are nicknamed “masterminds” by some people, because they are really good at big picture stuff. Ironically more often than not, if a story requires a villain with a large plan, they do tend to be INTJs. INTJs make for great villains in people’s eyes, with their no-nonsense way of going around in the world, and in a society full of rules and norms, they stand out, no matter what they do. Some people like to see Elphaba as an ISFP, that would mean that her introverted feeling is stronger than her intuition, but I think those people are wrong lol. Just look at the matter of seconds it took for Elphaba to realize that the Wizard is a fake once she was face to face with him, and then making a plan, and running away. Also, the trope of "you see me as a villain, so I will become your villain" is a common INTJ character trope, and applies to Elphaba super well.

Fiyero is an ESFP. ESFPs are nicknamed as “performers” or “entertainers”. They are usually popular, bold, original, and very observant. They are often considered as shallow, and superficial, which they can be, if they don't focus enough on developing their inner world, their intorverted feeling and their intuition. They are often impulsive, seeking newness, but they can easily fall into this superficiality as a routine, if they are not challenged.

Elphaba - INTJ - cognitive functions: Ni-Te-Fi-Se

(Ni) Introverted Intuition: Dominantly seeks deep patterns, long-term vision, and abstract connections for strategic planning. - Elphaba is the only one who intuitively sees Fiyero being unhappy. Later, as soon as her blinders of false hope are lifted after changing the monkeys, she almost immediately puts two and two together.

(Te) Extraverted Thinking: Structures external environments logically, focusing on efficiency and execution. - From information fragments she gathers at Emerald City, with her thinking supported by her intuition, she puts together the Wizard not having any powers, and seeing through his scheme. 

(Fi) Introverted Feeling: Prioritizes internal values and authenticity in decision-making, though less visibly. - She has a strong sense of what's right, and would never chose what is good for her over what she thinks is the morally right thing to do.

(Se) Extraverted Sensing: Engages with sensory experiences and the present moment, though it’s less naturally prominent. - Once she decides she will fly, she does. She is very graceful, knows how to use her environment to her benefit, although she is a bit slow to take action.

Fiyero - ESFP - cognitive functions: Se-Fi-Te-Ni

(Se) Extraverted Sensing: Focuses on real-time sensory details, enabling adaptability, spontaneity, and a hands-on approach to life. - He's obviously an amazing dancer, and finds joy in the sensory experiences around him. He has no problems balancing on books, jumping off places, dancing, having good old sensory fun.

(Fi) Introverted Feeling: Guides decisions through personal values and emotions, fostering empathy and authenticity. - This function is somewhat dormant in him, although you can see that he cares very deeply for the animals, and feels the need to let Elphaba know that she doesn't have to be "galinda-fied". He appreciates her authenticity and it makes him work more on his own.

(Te) Extraverted Thinking: Organizes actions logically and efficiently to achieve tangible goals. - He is not booksmart, but streetsmart, he recognizes when it is safe to do something, and considers his environment before doing so. 

(Ni) Introverted Intuition: Recognizes patterns and long-term possibilities, offering introspection and strategic insight when developed. - Him calling out Elphaba on her defense mechanism is a very good example of him tapping into his intuitive side, although he doesn't do it very often.

Elphaba and Fiyero have the exact same cognitive functions, but in a completely reverse order: Elphaba: Ni-Te-Fi-Se Fiyero: Se-Fi-Te-Ni I highlighted their strongest functions as seen above.

Now, as I mentioned earlier, whatever function is in first place is the strongest in a person, and whatever is last is the absolute weakest. And while the first and third functions are more easily accessible to everyone (due to them being extraverted functions in an extravert, and introverted functions in an introvert) the very last one, well, it’s difficult to learn to use.

For Elphaba her weakest function is (Se), that Fiyero is amazing at. (Se) can be used to assess your environment on a sensory level, to see and hear what is where, to notice details in how things look. People with well developed (Se) are great at the physical things, like doing your stunts, or dancing, jumping etc.

For Fiyero, his weakest function is (Ni), that Elphaba is just a natural at. (Ni) helps you see patterns in the world around you, and it has been described lovingly by people online as “being able to see the future” (does that ring a bell?) but also by recognizing patterns, seeing a big picture, usually noticing things that other people don’t.

So obviously those are two functions, that one of them learns from the other, right? I mean they just learn how to tap into them. Although they probably don’t as much learn from eachother, but see the other using it, and it makes their own relationship to this under utilized part of themselves change, and improve because of it. But while that is amazing, and will come very helpful to them in act 2/part 2 that is not the aspect that they connect through. What I really want to talk about is…

III.) Connecting Through Authenticity and Values - Introverted Feeling aka (Fi)

Look, you read those two words, you may think, okay, so it’s about people feeling things, like that’s normal, right? Everyone has feelings, so what’s the big deal? No, that’s not what it’s about. (Fi) is about what is _right_. It’s your values, that you hold so deep, that you can’t and won’t cut it out for anything or anyone. It what makes you you, and it is people with (Fi) that usually speak up for marginalized groups, and do the right thing, even if it comes at a personal cost. Introverted feeling is integrity, and it’s authenticity.

And as you can see, Elphaba has this in third place, and Fiyero has it in second. Fiyero should be amazing at this, but his integrity? It’s actually a bit… asleep. Why?

Looping is a phenomena that we call when an introverted person uses only their introverted, or an extraverted person uses only their extraverted functions. It’s a stress response. A defense mechanism. It’s unhealthy, and painful, because yes, your second (and fourth) functions are difficult to develop, but  they are part of who you are, you can’t just shut them out, without cutting pieces out of yourself. Kids live with their first and third functions, and then it is believed that throughout teenagehood, we start to engage our second function more. But when something bad happens to us, we sometimes turn this second function off as adults or as teenagers, reverting back to childish behavior. It’s not for fun, and it never makes us satisfied.

Fiyero is looping, and the mindset he presents in Dancing Through Life is the textbook version of an ESFP in crisis. It is literally a song about that.

“Mindless” and “brainless” are not there to reflect on his lack of intellect, but the fact that he is not integrating these important parts of himself that he should to assess what is right, and he choses not to think about the world around him. He is skipping over that (Fi) as if it was another hurdle in his way, because probably, at some point he realized that his integrity and authenticity doesn’t really matter to the world around him. His values nobody cares about, despite him having everything handed over on a silver platter. 

Escaping the Loop. When Elphaba steps into his life, and he sees her standing up for the animals, that’s the moment, she jump-starts this part inside him. He’s been literally sleepwalking through life up to that point. It is on the levels of authenticity that these two characters are allowed to truly connect, and it is this authenticity and integrity that allows them to see past everything else. (“It’s not lying! It’s looking at things another way.” IYKYK)

IV.) Growing While Lifting Eachother Up

For Elphaba, her personal journey is a strange one. She literally grew up in another bubble, but her integrity has developed. She is well in touch with her cognitive functions, but she is living in a lie, so her bubble is a lie. The fact that she could go through life for so long, not realizing that something was broken in the world, apart from how she was personally treated, goes to show you, what a good job the Wizard did with his manipulation.

Once she really first sees the problems in Oz is with the lion cub in the classroom. You can see her trying to fight for it, raise her voice, ask others to join in, to help and nobody responds, only Fiyero engages with her, asking “I’m sorry, we?” See how Fiyero immediately takes it upon himself, although he was not addressed directly by name, or in any other way. She looked in the general direction of her friends, and he was the only one who responded at all.

Elphaba, tries to solve the situation with her tried and true and tested intuition, integrity, thinking, but she lacks something. She bursts out emotionally, putting the class to sleep, safe for one Fiyero. She needs someone to show her how to take action in that situation, and Fiyero steps in. By that time, Elphaba helped Fiyero engage his values again, so he jumps in to help, and almost literally drags her with himself, moving her out of her comfort zone and out of class.

Up to this point Elphaba was told by Morrible to harness those emotions, but she also put a limitation on Elphaba with those classes. She thinks acting on those feelings is not always right, but these are not just emotions, these are beliefs and values and things that are actually important to her, so keeping them quiet is not the right path. But these two characters complement eachother, and bring out the best in the other, without pushing down anything in each other.  They make eachother stronger and more capable. In the class, Fiyero pulls her out of the limiting mindset she put on herself, and other put on her, and they actually save a life together, and after this neither of them are the same again.

Fiyero starts thinking about what’s right. About the day with the lion cub, and the person he shared it with. He spends more time "inwards" and gives less care about the physical world, and what he thought was important before.

Elphaba leaves to Emerald City with Glinda, not realizing she will be tested, in more ways than she can imagine. And when, at the end of the day she faces a situation, where she needs to take action against the biggest odds she has ever faced, and with Morrible on the loudspeakers disparaging her, she doesn't listen. She doesn't allow those limitations back onto her, she just closes her eyes and leaps.

And when she does, Fiyero jumps on his horse, as the entire world is starting to close in around Elphaba, and goes to look for her.

I guess you could say that together they are actually unlimited.

[suspiciouscatastrophe]

What I've noticed about transmasc specific slurs is that they usually go into one of two categories.

"Eww, your body is gross."

examples: zippertits, shrimpdick, pooner, mangina, tranny voice

They are all derived either from specifically trans bodily features (top and bottom surgery, HRT-induced voice changes) or presumed genitals (the assumption of a vulva, in an attempt to invoke dysphoria).

2. "You're just an attention-seeking crybaby."

examples: theyfab, hefab, birthday boy, Aiden*, fakeboi, transandrodork*, transandro*

They are all derived from something being just play-pretend. [Pronoun]fabs are pretending females that are not really trans and only play with pronouns, birthday boys want attention for their fake problems, Aidens are annoying teenagers with dramatic fake names, fakebois are... well, fake boys, transandrodorks and transandros are foolish confused/malicious boys/girls (both depend on the speaker's level of transphobia) who discourse about fake oppression.

(*I don't think these are slurs *per se.* They're too discourse-specific. I've only included them because they might be used in the same breath, both with the actual slurs as a tool of mockery. I personally cannot decide whether "Aiden" can be earnestly called a slur either, but I think that as a marginalized identity-specific mockery terms this post should be inclusive of all three of them.)

And both remind me very closely of the pattern that bullies use in school. Sexualizing you (and implying that you're both sexual and disgusting, you're characterized by your genitals or by your chest, and it's gross to the speaker), or taking something that you enjoy and identify with (in this case your pronouns, your name, your opinion in an online discourse) and turning it as a personalized insult to show you that it's ridiculous, and in some sense also appaling, that you would even choose to associate with that thing. You're no longer allowed to be seen as a complex person. You're the he/they. You're "silly name" guy. You're the guy who unironically used the word transandrophobia, you're a transandro now. (Which I have seen leveled against transfems who agree with the transandrophobia theory, which I find extremely gross, since even though I know deep inside that it's just a mocking shortening of the word "transandrophobia," you're still calling her an -andro. Which she isn't. That's a woman/transfem nonbinary.) It's quietly dehumanizing in a way that you cannot really protest, because at the same time it gives the perpetrators enough deniability to claim that you're overreacting, that they're just being playful, and that since they're not calling you any of the REAL slurs, you should be actually ashamed of feeling hurt when they mock you instead of engaging with you on an earnest level. That's all. That's the post.

Wait. I lied.

That's not all.

Important disclaimer! This post is not about transfems. Sure there are transfems that gleefully use the words I'm complaining about. A mean girl is a mean girl, trans-inclusive. However, that is a teeny tiny droplet in the actual user-base of the slurs (and baby slurlets, if you will), cis transphobes and self-loathing filled 4chan transmascs. Just like transmascs don't have a unique propensity for transmisogyny, even though they can perpetrate it and sometimes do, transfems do not have any special inclination towards transandrophobia. Quite the opposite, actually - historically and even now, some of the loudest and most staunch allies of either of the groups were and will be members of the other.

[clovers-housetree]

Activities for Regressors Without Caregivers! (or just fun regression activties!)

(Although you're always welcome here if you'd like any form of comfort anyway! ^w^)

This one's kind of a long one, after the few tips I list, I've mentioned an app I use called Finch, which will be talked about below the cut.

Since that's the case, I'll put my little ending message here instead:

Knowing how to take care of yourself can take a lot of work and practice, but I believe it's worth the effort, because then you'll be a happier and healthier you! Especially if you can find ways to make it fun!

I'm more than happy to be here for you and offer my support in any way I can, anyhow! I'm proud of you for doing what you can, I know it can be very hard.

I myself don't have a caregiver for when I regress, so most of the time I end up taking care of myself! Here are some fun activities and things I do when I regress to keep myself calm and happy! ^w^

Paci mentions/pics not long after the first section for those of you who'd rather not see 'em.

♥ Arts and crafts! I absolutely LOVE coloring and making bracelets with beads, something not too complicated for little hands, but also something fun!

With coloring, you can buy coloring books, or draw something of your own to color in- even printing out a page you find online, coloring digitally, or tracing over something to color in could work! I prefer coloring more than drawing personally because I don't draw all the time, but I bet I could learn a little thing or two from the artists around here!

For bracelets (and other jewelry), strings can be hard to knot with little hands (at least they aren't those small, slippery clasps!!), but the beads shouldn't be too hard to handle if you're careful! Even just planning out patterns is fun!

Here are some My Little Pony bracelets I made, and the decorations I did for my pacis!

♥ Making playlists! Dancing is fun, and a good way to get the zoomies out, but you can just make playlists for any occasion! I have playlists that help me pet-regress, songs with sounds I like, adventure playlists... (Well- a lot of these are still in progress, but- you get the point!)

I also love those playlist videos on YouTube! Animal Crossing, Super Mario Galaxy, Minecraft and music box music are typically my go-to to help me settle or just make for comfy background music! Here's one of my favorites, shadowatnoon has lovely Nintendo music mixes!

♥ Playing with your plushies! You can take them on adventures, or make your own!

Like Toby, climbing The Great Pillow Mountain!

(This is Toby by the way, he's one of my best friends and a VERY good hugger!)

You can play games with them, too! Toby's REALLY good at hide and seek... Maybe you can find him for me? :0

♥ Finding shows to watch! I really like Paw Patrol and Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles at the moment. Plus, you can look at agere content and fics from shows you like! People make really cool stimboards and moodboards, for example, and I like reading through all the fun stories people write!

Here's a silly picture of Rocky I found! :3

Finch

Finch is a self-care app where you take care of your very own little bird friend by taking care of yourself!

You can set daily goals, or for each day (or more specific ones as well I think.). By completing these goals, you give your bird energy to go on adventures! They usually come back with a funny little story or silly questions, because they're learning, too!

Through completing these goals (or daily, at least), you can get Rainbow Stones, which you can use to buy clothes for your bird, make them different colors, or give them furniture for their house!

They're also LGBTQ+ and disability-friendly!! :3

This is my little bird, Honeydew! You're welcome to friend me as well if you'd like, my code is: Z3E2T7VRK6

It's helped me learn a lot about taking care of myself and keeping track of my goals, and I get little rewards for it! I've used the app for several months now, and it's helped me out a lot!

"Fluttershy protects this blog! SFW interaction only, please and thank you! ^w^"

"Wouldn't show a kid? Doesn't belong here!"

[theambitiouswoman]

The right people never risk losing you—so why chase those who do? (+ the psychology behind this pattern)

Have you ever noticed how some people treat you with care & others act as if you’re easily replaceable? The difference isn’t just about compatibility—it’s about understanding your value. Even if someone isn’t meant for you, if they truly recognize your worth, their actions will reflect it

The difference between someone who sees your value vs. someone who doesn’t

The person who sees your value

They show up consistently, even if they know they’re not your forever person

They communicate with respect and honesty because they acknowledge your worth

They don’t play games, manipulate or string you along. Instead, they are upfront about their intentions

Example: You date someone briefly, but they realize you’re not a long term match. Instead of ghosting or being disrespectful, they have an honest conversation, express appreciation for you and leave things on good terms. They wouldn’t risk damaging a connection with someone they respect

The person who doesn’t see your value

They keep you around for convenience, not because they genuinely cherish you

They are inconsistent—one day, they’re warm and loving, the next, they disappear

They disregard your boundaries because they don’t view you as someone to be honored

Example: You give your all to someone, but they breadcrumb you—texting just enough to keep you interested but never showing real commitment. They don’t see the risk in losing you because they never truly saw your worth in the first place

The real issue is why you want someone who doesn't value you or see your worth

it’s not about them—it’s about you

Psychologically, this desire stems from childhood experiences, attachment wounds, subconscious conditioning. Your brain is wired to seek patterns it recognizes, even if they’re harmful

Scarcity mindset (Dopamine & Reward System): When someone treats you poorly, your brain sees their occasional attention as a “reward.” The unpredictability triggers dopamine (the pleasure chemical), making you crave their approval. This is the same mechanism that makes gambling addictive—intermittent rewards create obsession

Unresolved attachment trauma: If you had to “earn” love in childhood, you may unconsciously seek out people who make you prove your worth. Your nervous system associates inconsistency with love, making stable relationships feel boring or “not exciting enough.”

The ego’s need for validation: The part of you that feels unworthy believes that winning over someone who doesn’t see your value will prove your worth. But no amount of chasing can make someone value what they refuse to see

Recognize your own value first. If you don’t see it, you’ll keep attracting people who don’t either. Heal your attachment wounds. Therapy, journaling, and self-reflection can help you break the cycle. Detach from the illusion of "proving" yourself. The right people won’t need convincing

At the end of the day, no one who truly sees your value would ever gamble with the risk of losing you. And once you embody that truth, you’ll stop trying to convince those who never did