#exile from eden

[bleachbleachbleach]

I accidentally left my phone at home today and I was like "I DESERVE A LITTLE MID-MORNING TREAT I WILL JUST LOG ONTO TUMBLR ON MY WORK COMPUTER REAL QUICK" but now I simply do not want to do anything ever again except blorbo :(

[the-winters-prince]

who did you seduce Medraut, who did you defile?

[watchingwisteria]

aziraphale, the one who gave the first human exiles his flaming sword as both a source of protection and warmth, who did not look on them as sinners deserving of destruction but people entitled to the best chances possible, has never once looked at crowley, a heavenly exile, with anything other than compassion and a desire to protect. from their first meeting, he never wanted anything bad to happen to him. when crowley slithers up to him in eden, he treats him like an equal rather than an adversary. when crowley appears, his eyes fill with love and excitement, his gaze turns soft and hesitant, his whole body seizes with joy of seeing him. crowley might typically the one to seek him out, but aziraphale has always welcomed him home.

[yokohamama]

I was listening to Paul Giamatti’s podcast with @neil-gaiman. They were discussing the reason why God exiled Adam and Eve from Eden. And I looked up this verse, read the Bible for the first time in almost 20 years.

Genesis 3:22: And the Lord God said, “The man has now become like one of us, knowing good and evil. He must not be allowed to reach out his hand and take also from the tree of life and eat, and live forever.”

So God was just anxious that the enlightened humans might live forever so God threw them out? 🤔

[imissthembutitwasntadisaster]

No because yeah yeah the gospels are wild you know what's actually fucking crazy? God saying DURING the exile from Eden like IN THE MIDDLE OF THE PROCESS "yeah buddy this isn't permanent" like there was never a moment of true despair in all history?? HELLO?????

[valtsv]

PLEASE elaborate on “davidelizabeth in alien covenant if i wrote it” they squandered her potential so bad !

okay so first all i have already talked about how i feel that covenant should have built on the sticky psychosexual gothic horror tension between david and shaw and developed it into a toxic codependent dynamic (that predictably ends poorly due to their fundamentally opposing ideological stances as well as one-sided obsession on david's side), so i'm going to attach that rather than rehash it.

but honestly if i'd written covenant i would have had elizabeth survive david long enough to establish herself on the engineer planet in hiding from him (following a "breakup" caused by his act of genocide), and have the arrival of the colonists in covenant be the catalyst that forces them to confront each other again and finish what they started. i'm not entirely certain of the specifics, but i think there's a lot you could do with the central themes of alien as a cosmic/existential horror (a story about horrifying revelations, terrible change and progress/evolution that is unrecognisable as anything but nightmarish to the human minds bearing witness), a body horror narrative focused on sexual assault, pregnancy and childbirth/parenthood, and an examination of extraterrestrial horror as this colonial mindset - the fear of being violently replaced by something that deems itself better than you and works ruthlessly to eradicate you from your places of safety which it has taken for its own - as well as the more prometheus-specific themes of parental trauma and religion (mostly christianity) by making the core conflict between david and his xenomorphs and elizabeth and humanity, like a sort of fucked up retelling of adam and eve in the garden of eden.

to tie up loose ends, since prometheus and covenant are meant to be prequels to the original alien films, i'd probably have elizabeth succeed in being the final girl (a parallel to ripley in the original franchise) but tragically go into self-imposed exile/die alone in an attempt to prevent the xenomorphs from being stumbled across by future explorers and becoming a threat again, as well as possibly out of some warped sense of guilt, both for having allowed herself to ever love david and believe him capable of change, and for failing to save him ("save" very much in the biblical sense, as in persuade him to share her point of view and abandon his descent down a dark path). needless to say, she doesn't succeed, making her "victory" all the more phyrric.

[astroeleanor]

The MOST Powerful Black Moon Lilith Signs

BLACK MOON LILITH IN AQUARIUS

In Lilith’s mythology, her refusal to obey Adam and her decision to leave Eden represent a fundamental rebellion against established authority. Aquarius embodies this same spirit of defiance. Lilith in Aquarius represents a fierce independence and the desire to break free from any constraints or traditional norms. Think of Lilith, alone in the wilderness, choosing exile over submission. This is the raw essence of Lilith in Aquarius: the rebel who dares to stand apart, to be different, to defy the rules that try to confine her.

Just as Lilith rejected a subordinate position in the Garden, Lilith in Aquarius challenges conformity and defies societal rules. Lilith in Aquarius craves authenticity in a world that often demands masks. She embodies the courage to stand alone and celebrate that aloneness as a badge of honor. Lilith in Aquarius is the outsider, the one who holds the torch for everyone who feels like they don’t quite belong—and she turns that alienation into a source of unstoppable strength.

BLACK MOON LILITH IN SCORPIO

Lilith in Scorpio knows the power in vulnerability, the strength in letting the world see your shadows, your scars, and your truth. This placement is about transformation through the dark—through the pain, through the things you don’t say out loud. It’s the willingness to confront your own demons and emerge on the other side, changed and yet unbroken.

Lilith in Scorpio resonates with Lilith’s mythological connection to primal sexuality, power struggles, and the darker aspects of desire. In the myth, Lilith is also often portrayed as a demonized figure who embraces her dark side. Scorpio is similarly unafraid of the darkness within and seeks to understand, transform, and harness that power. Scorpio’s energy is about confronting the shadow self, diving deep into the subconscious, and transforming through encounters with the taboo–hence why Black Moon Lilith is powerful in this sign.

BLACK MOON LILITH IN ARIES

Lilith in Aries is the force of nature who refuses to be anything but herself. In Aries, Lilith’s energy is direct and fearless. She is the one who says “no” without a second thought, who fights for her place in a world that often tries to shrink her down. Lilith embraces self-assertion, even at the expense of social harmony or compromise. She values her independence over societal expectations, even if it means facing exile.

Lilith in Aries doesn’t wait for permission, instead she takes what she knows is hers, fights for her right to exist on her own terms, and challenges anyone who tries to stand in her way. According to Christianity, Lilith was the first woman in the Garden of Eden to demand equality and independence., similarly to how Aries is the first sign of the Zodiac–this is a fitting parallel that shows Lilith’s pioneering spirit. 

Lilith is also often associated with uninhibited sexuality and a refusal to conform to traditional gender roles. The energy of Lilith in Aries is fearless in expressing her sexuality, her desires, embodying a kind of raw passion that is both liberating and provocative.

BLACK MOON LILITH IN CANCER

Lilith in Cancer represents the power of mastering your emotions, the strength in vulnerability. Lilith in Cancer challenges traditional gender roles, the idea that to nurture is to be soft, compliant, or self-sacrificing–just as Lilith’s mythology challenges conventional gender roles. Instead, she embodies a darker, more complex aspect of the feminine. She’s the one who loves fiercely but not at the cost of her autonomy. She tells you it’s okay to feel everything—to be tender, to be raw, to be broken and whole all at once. 

Lilith in Cancer takes you to the depth of your emotions, where the power lies not in hiding your feelings but in letting them flow. This placement points to having powerful emotional resilience and strength. It represents a person who is unafraid of their emotional nature or subconscious desires.

BLACK MOON LILITH IN SAGITTARIUS

Lilith in Sagittarius represents the part of you that refuses to stay put, that hungers for more—more truth, more freedom, more life. In Sagittarius, Lilith laughs in the face of convention and seeks her truth with nothing but her instincts to guide her. 

Lilith’s mythology often involves challenging patriarchal structures and norms. In a similar way, Sagittarius questions established beliefs and seeks deeper truths. Lilith in Sagittarius represents the determination to live life according to your principles, often challenging societal or religious dogmas, much like Lilith did by refusing to conform to Adam’s demands.

Here, Lilith is the voice inside you that whispers, “Go, explore, there’s more to life than this.” Lilith in Sagittarius refuses to be caged by anyone’s expectations or beliefs, just like in Lilith’s mythology, with her decision to leave Eden rather than submit to subservience. She’s the embodiment of pure freedom, she tells you that your truth is yours to discover and that the journey is where your power lies.

˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

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˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

Thank you for taking the time to read my post! Your curiosity & engagement mean the world to me. I hope you not only found it enjoyable but also enriching for your astrological knowledge. Your support & interest inspire me to continue sharing insights & information with you. I appreciate you immensely. • 🕸️ JOIN MY PATREON for exquisite & in-depth astrology content. You'll also receive a free mini reading upon joining. :)

˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

[fallenhunnyapple]

@ilikelookingatthings left a very long and question filled essay about Angel!Lu AU in the replies so now its time to delve into More Info about the AU! @fallenguitarhero is my Adam so I got his input for all the Adam-related parts of this. Under a cut because.... this is Very Long LOL (bonus art at the end)

I'm going to just Copy-Paste the answers I got when we discussed it

I do think that Adam actually subconsciously shifts blame to Lilith because he's very black and white in his views. He hates devil Luci but he thinks he can prevent angel Lu from going down that path if he just keeps them apart. Lute also believes this and ngl her view of Lilith is like...really awful internalized misogyny type shit. Both of them think its better the two never meet and Lute outright threatens Lilith to stay away. Adam is too possessive to try and shift Lu to someone else but he does like... try to push Lu back into friendship type feels. Adam is a dumbass about sexuality so he thinks if he brings Lu to do Masculine and Straight things it will fix this. Instead he ends up just spending even more time with him and making it worse. As for his trauma... yeah Adam tries to hide it. Mostly by changing the subject and acting like an asshole tbh. I've thought abt Lu finding out about Cain and Abel p much by mistake (maybe saw artwork of it, all the hell related stuff is hidden but they wouldnt think to hide art of Adam holding Abel's body or Cain's exile) and it breaking his little baby heart. Adam def has moments where like... his mind is busy w something else like a bad day or a nightmare and for a second he sees the devil instead of his angel. Adam always like... 'shit, sorry, i thought you were someone else- fuck, don't look at me like that, c'mon.' There are other issues he just... doesn't realize he needs to hide. They're right about Adam being cynical and like... telling himself Lu doesn't really love him. Even once they date, he's still insecure. At that point i think he'd tell Lu about Lilith leaving him for a friend of his (whose name he never gives) and his marriage with Eve ending badly. He avoids details. He prob talks way more about his kids and prob even introduces Lu to them... Lu being around might encourage him to work on his relationship with them. Adam's body dysmorphia is such a contrast from the Adam Lu knew before... i do think that with him hiding so much from Lu, he tries to make it up to him by making sure his life is perfect. He goes out of his way to keep his angel happy and his attitude spreads to his exorcists who accept Lu into their flock. tbh Adam's dynamic with them prob becomes way healthier over time due to Lu's influence. i think Adam does tell the truth about some things but leaves out the details. Like he says evil found earth and destroyed Eden but says it hurts too much to talk about it (not a lie) and tells Lu that it's why the exorcists exist, they protect heaven and the dead humans from it. Which is what the official story is anyway! i think Lu prob has the same info the average low ranking Heavenborne and winners do. If Lu pushed him too much Adam might admit there are things he can't tell him but frame it as a military thing - there are things only Michael, Adam and the high ranking exorcists can know. He feels a lot of guilt about lying. it weighs on him a lot. that and the stress of protecting Lu from his brothers honestly makes Adam act more subdued and tired than canon Adam. His eyebags are awful. It prob becomes obvious as time goes on that Adam is Not Well. He keeps his mask on for a looong time after the first time bc it helps him hide his feelings and self-regulate but when he finally takes it off it's obvious to Lu from how he looks that Adam is struggling mentally. Comparing him to how he looked in Eden makes it so clear.

For Lu's part of things. Of course he'd ask about Lilith. Especially after finding out that so long has passed and Adam is here, so Lilith is probably here too, right? I feel like because he missed... So much, the concept of Death to him still doesn't really sink in. Like even with the Sins, it's basically like he just Knows he can't See them again. So with Lilith its like Adam has to just lie the same as with Anyone else from Hell. And Lu is definitely heartbroken about Lilith being Gone.

And like, at the time, Adam isn't lying so he doesn't feel Guilty about it, he just feels bad seeing Lu so upset. The timeline of this is kinda indeterminate but it definitely is Earlier than the 7 years of Lilith being in Heaven. So when he first Appears, she hasn't left Hell yet. Who knows, Charlie may not have even been born yet at that point. There's no Solid point in Time for Lu to have appeared in Heaven, it's just... Earlier. He doesn't think to Look for her because he knows that if she's Not Already There, then she's Inaccessible. Otherwise Adam would have told him, he's sure of it. (Adam has no obligation to tell Lu when Lilith does get there and for the reasons stated above + the fact that the Elder Angels probably would try and deter any interaction between the two. he's left in the Dark about her arriving in Heaven. He doesn't know Adam has even made a Deal with anyone) He still misses her because Adam is Truly the only friend from When he's from left.

And tbh the mixed signals are what keeps Hope Alive for Lu. As much as he tries to be okay with friendship, he still wants more because he's In Love and Adam is the only thing that makes him feel Normal when his entire life and everything he knew was entirely up-ended. It's why he's so passive about it. He doesn't want to make Adam feel bad, but he sees Adam being so Conscious of him now and it makes him happy. He doesn't wanna Push it, but he still likes seeing that Adam is Aware of him like that now. Especially because it's not in a way where Adam is trying to push him away, Adam is actively spending more time with him!

The longer time passes, the more discontent Lu grows. Knowing he's being lied to/that things are being hidden, even by Adam, he is Curious and he wants to learn more. But he also isn't going to be reckless about Learning More. The thing is also he Doesn't Know what questions he should be asking. He could ask Winners things and get answers, its not like anyone would stop him from Talking to Winners, its part of his Job. But like... How would he even start to figure out what's Missing in his knowledge?

Also Lu is definitely Aware of how different Adam is from his Eden self. Like just Visually, it's so easy to separate them because Adam wears his mask. But when its just the two of them and Adam is maskless, Lu may be more susceptible to treating him like that. But he's also very aware of the fact that actually their Knowledge Base is completely flipped. Lu hardly knows anything and Adam knows Everything.

And like.... Lu Knows that being kept in the dark is probably 'for his own good' but as stated, the person who fell is Still him. So now instead of resenting/being upset that Humans were kept in the dark, now it's himself. There's no Fruit That Will Fix Things for him though. He's just left frustrated at his lack of agency in this. And honestly, what keeps in line Most is Fear. Since coming to this time, his family has been Nicer to him, he's actually getting along to some degree with his brothers who used to ridicule him (or worse) and he Knows it's only because he's 'behaving' now, now that Creation is over and Life Has Existed. And he's scared or what will happen if he steps too out of line. He doesn't have the refuge of going to Eden to visit the Humans if things go south with his siblings. He isn't allowed on Earth, he's confined to Heaven, so he would just be stuck with the same sort of things that ultimately drove him originally to commit the Sin of giving Eve the Apple (not that he's Aware of how it culminated) And Also he has Adam. He doesn't want to know what the consequences would be if they were to decide that they shouldn't be allowed to stay together. It would absolutely break him.

If Lu were to find out about the exterminations, he'd be just as Appalled by it as Emily was. Lu doesn't know about Sin, what that entails, how Sinners destroy everything. He hasn't had to live with it so he can't see any contempt or justification for their destruction. Lucifer hates them because they came in a ruined the world he tried to build in Hell. Lu doesn't have any such associations with them. He would just see them much like Charlie does, souls who made mistakes and who should be given the chance to Do Better and make up for it. (That's sort of what he is, in a way, too.) He would absolutely be upset and scold the fuck out of Adam and Lute if he knew what his besties were REALLY doing once a year-

As for the sexual stuff, Both Lucifers started without having a concept of sex or sexuality, so both of them are specifically shaped by their partners (literally in a way). So the Lucifer who learned and explored with Lilith is going to be completely different from the Lucifer who learned and explored with Adam in terms of How they have sex. It's a skill they learn by doing, so it's not the Same.

Thank you for sticking it out this long, have a doodle for your troubles 🙏

[profoundbondfanfic]

Hi! I’ve been trying to find some good omega!cas fics, would you be able to recommend any? I’ve done some of my own searching, but I can always count on your reviews so wanted to check!

Hey! I hope you were looking for a long list because we got a little carried away with this lol

A Baby for Christmas by DyslexicSquirrel (Explicit, 11k words)

Dean Winchester finds a list of all the Eligible Alphas in town when he’s fixing Castiel Novak’s car and the fact that he’s not on it surprises him more than it should. He’s been pining for Castiel since he showed up in Oak Grove alone and pregnant, but Castiel never gave him, or any other alpha, the time of day. Now he’s on the hunt for a mate. Can he come up with a plan to make Castiel realize he’s the perfect alpha for him and make both their Christmas wishes come true?

A Little Grace by tricia_16 (Explicit, 99k words)

Castiel is well aware that a handsome, surprisingly gentle alpha like Dean was way out of his league even before he made the decision to become a single parent. Dean's been kicking himself for blowing his shot with Cas before he could even ask for it, and now Cas is happily taken (and adorably pregnant) by an alpha who doesn't deserve him. Neither one of them could have guessed that Castiel's baby would be what brings them together, but it turns out that a little Grace goes a long way.

All That's Best of Dark and Bright by orphan_account (Explicit, 21k words)

Dean Winchester is an alpha cop. He's got a soft spot for omegas with kids and a short fuse when it comes to people hurting them. When he signs in for his shift, his first call is to a break-in in a well to do suburban neighborhood. He meets Castiel Novak and his young son, Alfie. Someone has broken in to Castiel's house and scent marked. Castiel is unwilling to offer much information about himself or his life. Dean's happy not to push, but his partner Benny thinks that Castiel might know more about who broke into his house than he's willing to admit. As Dean tries to get Castiel to open up to him, he finds himself drawn to the omega. But Castiel has to be mated, right? He already has a kid. Or at least, that's what Dean believes.

At a glance by Nachsie (Explicit, 44k words)

The first time Castiel laid his eyes on Dean Winchester, he couldn't comprehend two things about him. One, why this incredibly handsome man was smiling at him asking to borrow his drink...and Two? Why he immediately smashed Castiel's drink into another man's face? Whoever said love was dead, never met Dean Winchester.

Decadent by Redamber79 (Explicit, 36k words)

Dean is the owner of Glads n Roses, where he specializes in unique flowers and bouquets, particularly in flower language. He also sells chocolates on the side. When Decadently Yours, a chocolate shop, opens across the street, Dean sees it as challenging his business. It doesn't take long however, before they strike up a deal to sell the new business' chocolates in the shop, and then he begins to fall for the Beta Castiel, even though he knows he's involved with the Alpha Gabriel, though not mated. As Dean and Cas get closer, he discovers something else. Cas is actually an Omega, with the sweetest scent under his blockers. But Dean refuses to poach, and as long as Cas is with Gabriel, he won't make a move. Life, however, has something else in mind.

Expectations by everandanon (Explicit, 418k words)

For centuries, the Winchester princes have taken omegas from the northern town of New Eden to bear the royal heirs before exiling them to the countryside - a punishment for a past dispute caused by the town's strict beliefs. When Prince John marries Lady Mary of Campbell and puts a Queen on the throne, however, most people assume the tradition has been set aside. Thus, it's a complete surprise to Dean when he's sent to New Eden to retrieve the girl they've arranged for. Cas, as a male omega in backward New Eden, has been ostracized and condemned by his town since he presented. To make matters worse? His sister is being given away to the crown prince of Winchester, never to return. But when the morning before the prince's arrival dawns and Anna is nowhere to be found, the town's council decides there’s only one thing for it: They’ll simply have to give him Cas instead.

Friends Helping Friends (Telling Me What My Heart Meant) by Annie D (scaramouche) (Explicit, 6k words)

Dean and Cas have known each other for about a year now, and in that time, Cas has never gone into heat. So far.

Following His Lead by InvictaAnimi (Explicit, 98k words)

Peak alpha, Dean Winchester, has the perfect life on paper. He owns his own architecture firm, is building a real estate empire, and has the choice of just about any omega partner that catches his eye. A fateful flight to London changes everything for Dean when he finds his true mate, the intrepid freelance photographer, Cas. Cas is gorgeous, brilliant, competitive, and driven. He’s everything that Dean could have hoped for. He’s also keeping secrets from him. Once they find each other, they must remain close until they mate or suffer from the debilitating and painful mating sickness. It wouldn’t be a problem if his mate would stay put, but Dean finds himself chasing his omega throughout Europe, using only the clues his mate leaves him. Dean must choose between his old life and this stranger, his career and his future mate. As an alpha, he is used to being a leader, the one in charge. To be with Cas, though, he’s going to have to follow his lead.

Head Down, Walk with Reason by goldenraeofsun (Explicit, 63k words)

As an omega, Castiel is ineligible for the throne after his father dies. When his uncle takes the crown, Metatron's first order of business is to arrange a betrothal with King John for the hand of his firstborn son, the Crown Prince of Terra. So Castiel flees. On his first night on the run, Castiel stumbles into a band of outlaws just at the border. Injured and wary, he has no choice to stay with them. And although he had planned to return to his own kingdom once it was safe, home might not be the place he left, but instead with Dean, their alpha leader that took him in.

Homemade by saltnhalo (Teen and Up, 5k words)

Dean Winchester, a successful but perpetually overworked and overtired engineer, meets chef and restaurant owner Castiel, his new neighbor. Castiel courts him in the form of homemade meals in Tupperware containers and handwritten notes, and Dean eventually takes it upon himself to return the favor.

In the woods by MalicMalic (Mature, 28k words)

All Castiel wants is to lead a simple life, away from the high society and his controling alpha mother. One chance encounter in the woods makes him believe that dreams just might come true, until life decides to make things complicated for Castiel. As he tries to save himself and his future, he doesn't realize that the solution to all his problems was just around the corner.

Lonicera by zation (Explicit, 46k words)

The one where destiny had a discussion with faith and they decided to have some fun, much to Dean and Cas’ chagrin.

Looking for: Alpha to Match Swimsuit by SillyBlue (Mature, 70k words)

Cas is 44, has a distant husband, a crappy job, and his only child is leaving for college. He plans to distract himself with a beach vacation for which his son and niece convince him to buy a cute swimsuit. But his husband decides he won't "let" him go to the beach dressed like that; a man his age in a bikini? Cas decides to keep the swimsuit - he can easily add "divorced" to the list of things to be sad about during his vacation after all. Claire and Jack decide to intervene by secretly creating a dating profile for one purpose: to look for a man that matches Cas' swimsuit. The unusual profile attracts Dean, who decided to combat his impending midlife crisis by taking some weeks off of work and buying beach wear that he had every intention of banishing to the back of his closet once it arrives. Lucky for him this has provided him with the perfect speedos to match Cas' swimsuit.

No Righteous Path by jupiter_james (Explicit, 111k)

On his 40th birthday, Dean Winchester suddenly begins to worry that he may have lost his chance for a real mate. He's been so focused on his business as a 24-hour roofing and repairman, that he's never taken the time to date properly, or even make any lasting friendships outside of his family. Beginning in their late 30's, alphas and omegas start to lose their mating and bonding hormones, making it more difficult - and often impossible - to mate or bond with anyone past a certain age. But as a modern Alpha, Dean would be content with a companion, at least. Blood bonds aren't the be-all, end-all. However, after a late night emergency roofing repair call from Castiel Novak, Omega, Dean starts to hope. Yearn. The only hangup is that Castiel admits to being as old-fashioned as the books he teaches. Nervous to go against his religious upbringing by being with someone who he can't bond properly, as alphas and omegas are intended to do. But he can't deny his attraction to Dean, and despite his sensibilities, he thinks that, just maybe, he can change for the man he's falling in love with.

Ready To Run by CrzyDemona (EvelynRaith), Inkblooded_Witch (Explicit, 117k words)

Castiel and Jimmy have always been close, on opposite sides of a single coin. While Jimmy’s rebellions have been loud, blatantly throwing every indiscretion in their father’s face, Castiel’s have been quiet, easier to hide, less publicly embarrassing. For this reason it’s no surprise when Jimmy is slated to be married off first. Something they’re informed of right as he has decided he wants to marry Balthazar, an Alpha he’s been courting on the sly for some time. Neither of them have been optimistic about their fates should they be left to their father’s tender mercies. Castiel knows that once Jimmy is gone, he will be next. He likes Balthazar, and sees no reason why they should both be condemned, so they hatch a plan. While Jimmy elopes and boards a steamer to Europe, Castiel boards a train to Nebraska as his twin. Knowing your life will never be the same is one thing, but Castiel never could have predicted what chaos would come of him getting on that train. Starting when plans to slip away before he reaches his intended destination quickly go awry.

real alpha by sharkfish (Explicit, 14k words)

Castiel has used Real Alpha since he was old enough to afford it. They’re a reputable company, and have never disappointed: every few months, Castiel calls in to an automated system to make his request, and within hours, there’s an alpha knocking on his door to fuck the heat out of him. He doesn’t care who it is, what they look like, how much stamina they have, whether they are angels or humans. It’s just an ends to a mean.

Refugee by RachaelLikesYaoi (Explicit, 123k words)

Dean Winchester was used to his brother bringing home omegas from work. They were all basically the same. Quiet, reserved, and... haunted. It made sense, Sam worked for a strictly omega lawyer that dealt with all sorts of different cases. It never really bothered Dean when they were brought home. They fixed up their guest room, replaced a couple of locks, and more often than not he wouldn't even see the omegas. It was easy. A piece of cake. Then Sam told Dean over dinner one night that one of his clients would be living with them for a year to complete his house arrest. A whole year, and no matter how many times his brother told Dean that the guy was harmless, Dean couldn't forget about what the omega had gotten arrested for. Assault. With a deadly weapon.

Roots of Fate by orphan_account (Explicit, 40k words)

Castiel Novak leads a quiet life in the little town of Fairhope. He tends his gardens and takes pride in filling his great-grandmother's footsteps as the town's honorary green witch. His quiet life comes to a halt when he gets a new neighbor and it's none other than the alpha of his dreams and high school crush, Dean Winchester. But Dean's not alone, he has a daughter now. Overnight, Fairhope is flipped on its head as every available omega and beta in town fights for the alpha's attention. Cas tries to help as best he can but Dean eventually comes up with his own solution and that's when the posters show up. Posters that claim that Dean Winchester is looking for a mate. But to win, you have to get a key from a certain orange cat. Let the games begin!

Running with the Wolves by Dancingdog (Explicit, 381k words)

Castiel made one mistake and it landed him with a child. Knowing his brothers would never accept an unmated omega with a child, Castiel chose not to tell his family about Samandriel for six years. But Michael found out anyway and Castiel soon finds himself on the run from his furious family. To save both his and his son's lives, he flees into the wilderness, where the 'wild folk' reside and they must learn to live as wolves rather than humans if they are to survive. Except, the wild folk are not the savages Castiel was led to believe whilst growing up, and he finds that maybe being a member of Dean's pack isn't so terrible afterall. Then his brother, Gabriel, shows up and takes an interest in Dean's omega brother, Sam. The problem? The Winchesters and Novaks have been enemies for centuries.

Scent Deprived by Destielshipper4Cas (Explicit, 41k words)

Dean rescues an omega from an illegal research facility. But after years of scent deprivation, the omega is catatonic at best and on the brink of going feral at worst. Now it’s up to Dean to save him. In order to break past Cas’ defenses, he might just have to let him into his home and heart in return.

The Stars Will Remember by casblackfeathers (Explicit, 60k words)

Being a hunter was all Dean knew ever since his mother had been killed by a demon when he was four. Hunting, offing monsters, and then jumping to the next case was his life. Then he met the most alluring and breathtaking omega he had ever seen and spent the next five years loving the hell out of Cas, their life together filled with the domestic lovey-dovey stuff Dean had never thought he would dig so much. When a simple salt-and-burn goes sideways, it ends up with Cas’ memories stolen from him. Dean is left to pick up the pieces of the life they built together, his ‘make it up as he goes’ strategy to prove to his mate that Dean’s still worth a damn, his only chance at getting Cas back. He’s done a shitty-ass job at keeping Cas safe before, but he will pull out all the stops now to woo his mate again and stir the memories Dean knows are still there buried deep inside Cas’ mind.

Undercover Boyfriend by CassondraWinchester (Explicit, 60k words)

Two men, one lie, and a whole bunch of trouble. Castiel Novak’s in serious trouble. His sister’s destination wedding in Mexico filled with several days of activities, is in only two days. And everyone expects to meet his underwear model Alpha boyfriend — the one he invented. Now Cas has to produce a half-naked hottie or suffer the worst humiliation of his life. But Cas just doesn’t date those kinda guys! Or even know any for that matter. Undercover FBI agent Dean Winchester’s cover is blown and he needs to disappear fast. When he ducks into a bar he runs into Castiel, a comic book artist, one very hot, but geeky Omega. And as luck would have it he just happens to be looking for an Alpha. Could they be the solution to both their problems? Or will trouble find them on the sandy beaches of Mexico?

You can also check our omega!castiel tag for more fics.

[vpgoldenrod]

Aziraphale's Haunted Look: On Being Forcibly Outed and Exiled From The Garden

While we're all talking about Aziraphale's reaction to the kiss, I'm surprised by those who thought Aziraphale looked disgusted because that's not an emotion I'd seen in him at all. There's sadness, and confusion, and anger, but I couldn't remember seeing disgust. When I watched the scene again I realized there's something else going on that really struck a chord with me. It's an uncomfortably familiar look.

He feels exposed. And I know what it feels like to be exposed in such a violent and intimate way.

Stay with me, I promise this is relevant to my analysis.

I didn't know what being transgender meant when I was a kid. Being raised in a fundamentalist Christian house meant that I wasn't exposed to those ideas, so I lived my life feeling like something was always just kind of broken. It was like I was looking right through the problem at other things, trying to alleviate symptoms without understanding why they existed in the first place. I eventually met other trans people, who gently nudged me in the direction of my truth. I even became aware that I had experienced some minor dysphoria. Every time I came close to acknowledging the truth however, my eyes would once again begin to glaze over the problem. I always managed to subconsciously shove it back into a little box and move on with my life. It was like I accidentally “did a big miracle” and hid this truth from myself so well that I continually forgot it was there.

Til one day I had an encounter that changed everything.

We're friends now but oddly enough, it was only meant to be a fling. I won't go into too many details because it's not just my story, but it was a lovely time that culminated with us meeting and doing what adults do. The person I was with, a cis man, silently clocked me the minute we were face to face. For reasons I now understand, without warning and in the middle of our shared intimate experience, he decided to talk dirty to me as if I were a gay man.

No one had ever spoken to me like that before. It had never occurred to me to ask anyone to do that, or that anyone would want to. I was in an intimate space and filled with the typical emotions and endorphins one has during sex, but it was a fling. I had walls up. So for the first time in my life, in this incredibly vulnerable position, someone grabbed me by my lapels and forced me to face a deep truth about myself that I'd spent decades silently dancing around. It was a blunt, irrefutable truth and it hit like a sucker punch to the solar plexus. He saw me when I was very much not trying to be seen, and there's few things more terrifying than that.

Even now, years later, I have such a hard time putting into words the overwhelming emotions I felt that night. There were so many, and yet somehow I can see every single one of the emotions I felt in Aziraphale's face when Crowley lets him go. My heart breaks all over again seeing how exposed he felt. He can barely make eye contact until he stumbles onto the one emotion that gives him his agency back: anger.

Gabriel shows up to the bookshop completely naked. When a bewildered Aziraphale points it out Gabriel says, “Who told you I was naked?”

But that's not how the story goes.

God looks for Adam in the garden, but he hides from her. He eventually tells God, “I heard your voice in the garden and I was afraid because I was naked, so I hid myself.”

Then God asks Adam, “Who told you you were naked?” And of course Adam knows he is naked because he ate the apple.

I've made jokes about Crowley being the apple that bit Aziraphale, but I forgot the bit that happens afterwards. He is aware of his own nakedness. He is exposed. To God, to Crowley, and to himself. As a result he is exiled from the safety of his Eden. Man, if this isn't the perfect analogy for being forcibly outed I don't know what is.

This show is so gay you guys.

[olrastrology]

Lilith: Kissed by Shame, Mothered by Darkness, Empowered by Self

Black Moon Lilith, often simply referred to as Lilith, is a fascinating and complex figure in both astrology and mythology. She represents a point of mystery, power, and the darker aspects of the human psyche. While Lilith’s roots are steeped in ancient mythology, her significance in astrology as the Black Moon Lilith has become an important aspect of modern astrological interpretation. This essay will explore the history of Lilith, her mythological origins, and her astrological significance, particularly in relation to the Black Moon Lilith.

The Mythological Origins of Lilith

Lilith's mythological origins are diverse, with traces found in ancient Sumerian, Babylonian, and Hebrew traditions. She is often depicted as a demoness or a figure of rebellion and independence, which has contributed to her complex and somewhat controversial legacy.

Sumerian and Babylonian Roots:

The earliest known references to Lilith appear in Sumerian and Babylonian mythology, where she is associated with dark spirits or demons, particularly those that preyed on pregnant women and infants. In these traditions, Lilith is often portrayed as a night demon, symbolizing chaos, danger, and untamed feminine power.

Hebrew Mythology:

In Hebrew mythology, Lilith becomes a more defined character. The most well-known account of Lilith comes from Jewish folklore, particularly in the medieval text known as the Alphabet of Ben-Sira. According to this story, Lilith was Adam's first wife, created from the same earth as him. Unlike Eve, who was made from Adam's rib, Lilith was Adam's equal. However, Lilith refused to submit to Adam, particularly in matters of sexual dominance, and left the Garden of Eden to live in exile. As a result, she was demonized, often depicted as a mother of demons or a seductress who endangered men and children.

Feminist Interpretations:

In more recent times, Lilith has been reinterpreted by feminist scholars and writers as a symbol of female independence, empowerment, and sexual liberation. Her refusal to submit to Adam is seen as an assertion of her autonomy, and her subsequent demonization is viewed as a reflection of patriarchal fears of strong, independent women.

The Astrological Significance of Black Moon Lilith

In astrology, Lilith is not a physical celestial body but rather a mathematical point known as the Black Moon Lilith. This point represents the lunar apogee, the farthest point in the Moon's orbit around the Earth. Astrologically, Black Moon Lilith is associated with themes of power, sexuality, rebellion, and the unconscious.

Symbolism of Black Moon Lilith:

Black Moon Lilith is often associated with the darker, hidden aspects of the psyche. It represents repressed desires, taboo topics, and the shadow side of the self that is often denied or ignored. This placement can indicate where an individual might struggle with issues of power, control, and autonomy, or where they may feel marginalized or misunderstood.

Lilith in the Natal Chart:

The position of Black Moon Lilith in an individual’s natal chart is significant in understanding their relationship with these darker aspects of the psyche. It can reveal areas of life where one might face challenges related to independence, sexuality, and empowerment. For instance, a strong Lilith placement might indicate a person who is intensely independent, rebellious, or drawn to explore taboo subjects. Conversely, it could also signify areas where one might feel oppressed or where there is a need to reclaim power and autonomy.

Lilith in Transits and Progressions:

In transits and progressions, Black Moon Lilith can trigger events or internal shifts related to its themes. These periods may bring issues of power dynamics, autonomy, and repressed emotions to the forefront, often compelling individuals to confront aspects of themselves that they might usually keep hidden.

Lilith in Synastry:

In relationship astrology, Lilith can play a significant role in understanding the dynamics between partners. When Lilith is strongly aspected in synastry (the comparison of two natal charts), it can indicate a relationship marked by intense passion, power struggles, or issues of control and domination. Lilith’s presence in synastry can also signify a deep, magnetic attraction, often rooted in the exploration of taboo or forbidden aspects of the relationship.

The Dark Feminine Archetype

Lilith is often considered an embodiment of the "dark feminine," a concept that encompasses the more shadowy aspects of femininity that are often suppressed or feared in patriarchal societies. This archetype includes qualities like independence, sexuality, and a refusal to conform to traditional roles or expectations.

Rejection of Traditional Roles:

Lilith’s refusal to submit to Adam in the Garden of Eden can be seen as a rejection of traditional gender roles. She represents the feminine that is not passive or submissive but rather assertive and autonomous. This aspect of Lilith challenges the conventional expectations of femininity, making her a powerful symbol for those who seek to challenge societal norms.

Sexual Autonomy:

Lilith’s association with sexuality is another key aspect of her archetype. She represents sexual autonomy and the right to express one’s desires without shame or guilt. In astrology, Lilith’s placement can reveal how an individual relates to their own sexuality, including any issues of repression, shame, or power dynamics.

Shadow Work:

Lilith is also closely connected to the concept of shadow work, which involves exploring the unconscious or hidden aspects of the self. By confronting these shadowy aspects, individuals can achieve greater self-awareness and personal growth. Lilith’s energy can be challenging, but it offers the potential for profound transformation and empowerment.

Black Moon Lilith and Modern Astrology

In modern astrology, Black Moon Lilith has gained increasing significance as astrologers explore its role in the natal chart and its impact on an individual’s life. Lilith’s themes of power, sexuality, and the unconscious resonate with many people who seek to understand the deeper, often hidden aspects of their personality.

Empowerment Through Astrology:

Many modern astrologers view Lilith as a tool for empowerment. By understanding Lilith’s placement in the natal chart, individuals can gain insight into areas of their life where they may feel disempowered or where they need to assert their autonomy. Lilith encourages individuals to embrace their true selves, including the parts that are often hidden or repressed.

Lilith in Popular Culture:

Lilith has also become a popular figure in contemporary culture, often appearing in literature, music, and art. She is frequently depicted as a symbol of female empowerment, sexual liberation, and rebellion against patriarchal norms. This cultural resurgence of Lilith reflects a growing interest in the themes she represents and her relevance in today’s society.

Psychological Astrology:

In psychological astrology, Lilith is often explored in the context of the unconscious mind. Her placement can indicate areas where psychological issues may arise, such as unresolved trauma, repressed desires, or conflicts related to power and control. By working with Lilith’s energy, individuals can confront these issues and work towards healing and self-acceptance.

Conclusion

Black Moon Lilith is a powerful and complex figure in both mythology and astrology. Her mythological origins as a demoness or rebellious first woman reflect deep-seated cultural fears and conflicts surrounding female autonomy and sexuality. In astrology, Lilith represents the darker, hidden aspects of the psyche, including issues of power, sexuality, and independence. Her significance in the natal chart offers insights into the areas of life where individuals may need to confront and embrace these aspects of themselves. As a symbol of the dark feminine, Lilith challenges traditional gender roles and encourages individuals to explore and reclaim their power. Whether viewed through the lens of mythology, astrology, or modern feminist interpretations, Lilith remains a compelling and influential figure in the exploration of the human experience.

[chronicallylatetotheparty]

Being a fan of Record of Ragnarok and Hazbin Hotel is so funny because on the one hand:

You have Adam the Father of Humanity who barged into the gods' "trial" of Eve and spat their precious forbidden fruit in their faces. Making a mockery of the gods' decision to exile her from the Garden of Eden. Who, despite everything the gods did to his family, didn't hate them like others did. So when Zeus asks why he's participating in Ragnarok Adam replies: "Does a man need a reason to defend his family?" Damn that was a badass line! Adam was the pinnacle of non-toxic masculinity. They really broke the mold with him.

... And then there's fucking Adam the Exorcist, the first misogynist. Who's first wife basically dips immediately because he's the Worst. Who not only doesn't mind killing millions of his children but revels in their suffering! Hell for all we know he volunteered when Heaven decided to begin the exterminations.

Something something something the Dichotomy of Man.

[cakerybakery]

“I never loved you.”

Lucifer was taken aback. He and Adam had been arguing about Eden and blaming each other for all the things that went wrong. Where had that come from?

Adam screwed up his face and stormed out.

“What the fuck was that?” Lucifer wasn’t going to let this go. Something about it bothered him. He never expected Adam to love him. Why would it upset him if Adam didn’t love him? Why would Adam say that?

There’s one place Lucifer knew Adam always hid in hell when he needed to get away.

Where everything started. When Eden was corrupted, Adam and Eve weren’t expelled just for disobedience, they were exiled to be saved. Eden had fallen along with Lucifer and Lilith.

When the ground shook, the animals fled Eden to save themselves, but some were caught in the fall. Evil infected them, turned them feral or made them demons. Monster sprang where their blood spilled and they devoured the fruit from tree of knowledge and gaining intelligence. They had become dangerous.

The tree was dead but it would not rot away. Lucifer needed to hide the tree and its putrid fruit to put a stop to the growing hoard of intelligent demons.

In a vain hope that it could be revived, and perhaps heaven would find mercy for Lilith at least, Lucifer had sought out any sort of holy light for it to sprout in but had found only one single ray in all of hell.

So he moved the tree there but to no avail. The tree and the garden never recovered.

Adam had been drawn to it from the start, as Lilith had been.

Lilith would climb the branches and settle into a crook of the wood and bask in the light. The same place Adam would hide.

They both said the same thing, they needed to feel the warmth, to hear heaven. It made them feel better.

Lucifer made his way to the garden, down the narrow path and through caverns to a sinkhole that contained the remnants of the garden. He reached for the dead plants and they turned to dust at his touch. Flowers, faded and brittle, cracked in his wake.

A single streak of holy light fell down through the red sky and smog and nestled in the top of the tree.

Branch by branch, Lucifer climbed. The tree was too thick for him to fly up and get to the hidden spot. Only that single beam of light made it through.

He had to climb a bit higher than the crook to get into it. So when he got up to the spot he was looking down at Adam.

“Fuck off.” Adam’s words held no venom to them and Lucifer slid down into the space.

It was tight. Lilith had fit nicely into it but Adam had a good fifty pound on her, adding in Lucifer and they had gotten a little wedged in. Lucifer wasn’t worried, he could teleport, but it kept Adam from being able to take off.

Lucifer has slid himself down so he was between Adam’s pulled up knees and chest. Even in Adam’s lap, Lucifer had to marvel at their height difference. Adam was still half a head taller than him and he was sitting suspended a bit between Adam’s thighs and gut. He wiggled his legs on either side of Adam’s waist to get a little more comfortable. Grinning, he looked up into Adam’s aghast face.

“Wha-wha-what the fuck are you doing?”

“Getting comfortable. I want to know what the fuck that was about at the hotel.”

“What is fucking wrong with you?!? Get out of my lap, asshole.”

“So you can take off again? Yeah, no.”

Adam tried pushing Lucifer up and off him but hooked his feet under Adam ass and wedged himself down farther. And realized why Adam wanted Lucifer off his lap.

He could work with this.

Lucifer pretended he couldn’t tell Adam’s hard dick was pressed against his ass and leaned against Adam’s chest.

“You want me to get off you?” Lucifer shifted to wiggle a little more. “Then tell me what that was about.”

“Nothing. It wasn’t fucking anything. Get fucked, asshole.”

‘Now that’s an interesting choice of words, Adam.’

“You brought it up.” He shifted again and watched Adam’s face.

How he muttered, “shit,” under his breath, how hard his breathing got, Lucifer could feel Adam’s heart racing under his hands. Lucifer was sure he had his answer without ever needing Adam to vocalize it.

Adam wore a mask to hide his face and his feelings because he had no poker face. He was nearly as red as the sky and wouldn’t met Lucifer’s eyes.

Lucifer took Adam’s face in his hands, sat up, and kissed him. The hands that had tried to push him off now held him close.

Pulling back he asked, “did you love me in Eden?”

“I did.”

“Hmm.” Lucifer kissed him again, perhaps too enthusiastically. His tongue swept into Adam mouth and he gagged.

Adam pulled away and started coughing and gagging off to the side. Lucifer patted his back. He didn’t think Adam’s gag reflex was that strong. It didn’t bode well for what Adam could do in bed, but Lucifer could figure something out.

He rubbed Adam’s back some more until finally Adam spit out a chunk onto the tree.

Lucifer stared at it. Sticking out of the apple piece was a seed.

“You-you didn’t happen to have an apple for breakfast, did you?”

“I’ve only ever eaten one apple in my fucking life.”

Lucifer pulled the seed out and held it into the light. In his hand it sprouted. Growing larger by the second it began to crowd them and Lucifer teleported them out of the tree and onto the ancient dried prairie grasses that no longer existed on Earth. Driven to extinction by humans.

They watched as from the tree roots, branches, and bright green leaves burst out of the dry dead wood. In the aftermath a beautiful new tree stood. Everything it touched turned green, the ray of light spread and so did the green. Lucifer jumped as fat cold raindrops fell for the first time. No acid, no danger, just rain.

He and Adam ran for the cover of the tree as the heavens broke and it poured.

Adam laughed. “This is fucking insane.” His voice was a little higher than it had been, more like how he sounded in Eden. He grabbed Lucifer and kissed him.

Lucifer didn’t know what Eden coming back, what the tree regrowing, would mean for hell or heaven or even Earth. But as Adam kissed him until they lay in the grass, as the rain fell, and the sounds of insects returned, Lucifer didn’t care. Adam could have been his Eden once, had he paid attention. Like the garden, Lucifer was being given another chance, and he was going to take it.

[alta1red]

EDEN. | IMAGINE I. INTRODUCTION.

— 𝑺𝒀𝑷𝑵𝑶𝑺𝑰𝑺 : EDEN [ READER/YOU ] IS RETHINKING LIFE CHOICES, AND WANTS TO GO TO HELL FOR A BRAND NEW START.

— 𝑾𝑨𝑹𝑵𝑰𝑵𝑮 : POOR LIFE DECISIONS, EDEN REBELLING JUST BECAUSE.

— 𝑷𝑻 : I

— YOU, were once a radiant Angel, now — With your punishment, you've been reduced to a mere Gardener.

— Why weren't you sent plummetting down to Hell, why weren't you in Exile? Everything to you had it's question, and that was your flaw. You were curious, adventurous, and naive —Well, before. With how long you've been in the Garden of Eden, it gave you more than enough time to reflect on who, on what you used to be.

— Your wings were reduced -clasped together tightly, and your chains have been doubled —Freedom was a dream you received in fractions. And even now, sometimes you still dream on rebelling.

— However, you were monitored closely, to ensure you were doing your duty ( punishment ) and to add unto that you were often placed in " How to be an Obedient Angel 101. " Lessons directly from Micheal, his words — " Such a precious asset shouldn't be punished too harshly ! Let's just make sure she goes through every lesson again. " He suggested to the other Archangel's.

— Maybe if you weren't listening to closely that time ( guilty, still. ) You wouldn't have noticed how his voice turned cold, and stern —Still keeping it's authoritarian tone, maybe you wouldn't have noticed how his gaze to you changed: from fondness to disappointment.

— Even then, as you planted and nurtured the plants in the Garden, you still felt numb to the past —Sure you felt guilty, but it wasn't like you exactly regretted ever doing it in the first place.

— Maybe a fresh start would do you some good?

— There's only one more month until your punishment ends once and for all.

Fin.

_______________________⠀⠀༺ ✤ ༻⠀⠀________________________

— AA, I'm so sorry for not updating in a while, I've been really busy with school work, and I was hit with a massive creativity wall + Writer's block, but don't worry content will probably be pushed out at a normal pace soon, maybe,

— I've been trying to get back into my old writing style so if it's a abit off I'm truly sorry for that,

— The reason why Michael is included ( and soon to be others, ) and not following Hellaverse canon is because well I think I want to explore it myself, don't worry I'm not gonna go unto the whole religious route many of the characters that I will, add or imply to exist will have different roles and such.

— I might post my design of him, and his refrence sheet soon ( no promises 💪‼️ )

— The " Darling Artisan, " will have another imagine soon.

[fleetingcalypso]

I absolutely love how you write Henry Winter! Perhaps you could write something more angsty. For example, Henry and the reader could get into a fight over Bunny going to Rome instead of the reader. Just an idea but I would love anything you do xx

≋ Love isn't love without some disagreements. I took the liberty of developing this prompt into something slightly different, it is a fight nonetheless.

≋ Henry Winter x GN!Reader ≋

≋ Word Count: 3277 words.

≋ TW: Possible manipulation/gaslighting, argument, consumption of alcohol, small moment of hallucination/dissociation, mentions of blood, mentions of planning someone's death, possible angst.

My arms are elbow deep in my sink, scrubbing the plates that barely minutes ago had my food resting on them. The only noises keeping me company are the quiet buzzing of the fridge, the splashing of water and porcelain hitting more porcelain. Three well assessed bangs coming from outside my apartment cause me to almost jump out of my skin and dry my hands in anticipation of opening the door, one glimpse at the clock mounted to the wall tells me it’s around nine. I’m not expecting anyone.

Most of all, I’m not expecting Henry to be the one pounding his fist against my door, a white knuckle grip on his suitcase’s handle, his chest rising in what look like panicked gasps for air. “Let me in.” He commands me. 

It takes me a moment to realize this is the real thing and not a hallucination. “My God, Henry…” I don’t recognize the narrowed eyes that stare at me, “What’s happened to you? What are you doing here?”  His shoulder bumps into mine as he makes his way into my home, without waiting for me to move out of the way.

“I had to leave. I had to.” He goes straight to my living room, all but throwing his coat onto my couch and ungracefully flopping beside it, I’ve rarely seen him act this way. A muscle in his clenched jaw twitches as he raises his fist, pressing it to his lips, the ever present frown on his face looks impossibly deeper than usual, he’s thinking about something and it vexes me that I can't read his mind like a poetry verse.

“Henry-” One glacial look from him shuts me up. He stares at me through his eyebrows, as if I’m everything wrong in the world, as if I was the serpent guiding humanity to an eternity of being exiled from Eden.

After he’s done petrifying me with his gaze he lets out an exhale of frustration lowering his head into his hands, his elbows sitting on his knees. Once the spell he had on my body evaporates I test my luck with just a couple steps in his direction. He doesn’t move. I’m gambling with his mood when I sit on the arm of my couch, lift his coat into my arms to fold it and set it aside. 

He abruptly stands and storms into my bathroom, slamming the door behind him; the muffled water sounds make it clear that he’s taken ownership over my shower. It leaves me enough time to fish some clean clothes out of his suitcase and set them in my bedroom’s bed where I know he will retire once he steps out, dripping wet and barely dressed.

Time barely moves while I step back into the living room and take a seat on the soft pillow he used earlier. I have no idea how much time has passed when he emerges from a cloud of steam, robe wrapped around his body. He spares me no glances while I rise to my feet. This time the door doesn’t slam after he steps into the bedroom and gets dressed. I still wait for him. It’s best to let him come to me, rather than pry. It’s like a toothache: the more the tongue smoothes over an aching tooth, the more it’s going to hurt.

After what feels like forever he trudges into the living room for what is the second time now, looking exhausted, his hand rests against the wall keeping him upright. Henry walks past me, pulling me into a kiss that lasts less than the flap of a butterfly’s wings.

The couch dips with his weight and suddenly we are back at square one. 

“Are you going to tell me what you are doing here, or am I going to pry the words out of you?” My words come out harsher than expected. Nothing makes sense. He’s supposed to be in Rome, keeping a strict eye on Bunny, making sure that idiot won’t do anything he might regret. I know for a fact our friend is still in Italy, he would have called and asked to meet up otherwise, surely to boast about all the things he’s admired and all to flaunt all the useless garbage he bought using Henry’s money.

Finally, he deems me worthy of an explanation, “Cuniculus molestus,” he says and it only adds fuel to my puzzlement. I repeat his words, he could only be talking about one thing, the one situation I hoped would never emerge. One blink, two words, three breaths and four shaky words: “What do you mean?...” It was all it took for Henry to rip apart at the seams.

“Bunny knows. He knows everything. The damned idiot found my diary.” He tries to contain the growl in his voice while rummaging through the clutter on my coffee table, searching for cigarettes I assume. And my suspicion is confirmed  hearing his groan of annoyance, finding the almost empty packet of Lucky Strikes: only four cigarettes, one is flipped upside-down. 

“It was a living nightmare. Bun acted as his usual aggravating self, perhaps even more so than usual, but nonetheless he wasn’t causing any actual harm. He complained about the rooms not being up to his standards, hell we were staying in some of the most picturesque rooms I had ever seen. He could have only dreamed of standing in that room, were I not there. Then he began feigning asthma attacks, nagging me about every small thing he could think of.” Henry’s words stop only when at last he lights the first cigarette.

“My God. He lamented being left alone just for a couple of minutes, but those times where I solicited him in coming with me, to a church, an art gallery, a restaurant- I don’t understand if he was faking, but he was insufferably bored, pestering me to leave. And it only got worse after a few weeks. Like salt sprinkled on a bleeding wound, I fell ill. A migraine, quite a painful one too. There was not much I could do, I realized. When after days of pure, unfiltered agony I finally mustered up enough strength to stand and search for a glass of water, that’s the moment it happened. I saw Bunny, because of the morning light shining into my eyes he simply looked like a blurry figure. When I greeted him, it took me a while to grasp the reality of what was happening.”

By now he’s a quarter in his second cigarette and I’m fully ready to cash a punch I know his words are leading the way for. He keeps talking.

“Do you understand what I’m saying?” Henry asks, the pictures hung on my wall suddenly being the most interesting thing he’s ever seen, he stares at them almost unblinking. “I hit him. Hard. He retaliated, making me his punching bag until the chambermaid broke us apart. Since that day I tried to be as compliant as I could with him, I’d written quite a lot of harsh things about him after all, the best thing I could do was try to show him that- I don't know- that I didn’t mean them? Or that he wasn’t as estranged from our friend group as he thought?-” This time it’s my turn to interrupt him, this rambling has gone on for far too long. 

“Henry, get to the point. My patience is wearing quite thin, while I appreciate you going through what very well sounds like your own personal circle of hell to keep an eye on that menace of a man, I would very much like to know if we are all going to get caught because of that fool’s inability to keep his mouth shut in a foreign country or not.”

“I’m getting there.” He snaps. The third cigarette meets the previous’ fate, being lit and sitting between his lips. I try my best not to panic as he recounts about a German overhearing Bunny talk about what happened then following them, waiting for them by the fountain near their hotel. Anxiety nestles in me with each word that flies out of his lips, it doesn’t abandon me for a moment while he confesses that now he’s left Bunny alone in Italy without a note.

With the way my head spins I’m unable to reach the couch and I just sit on the floor. 

Henry knows Bunny better than anyone else, and he’s assured me countless times that he’d never go to the police, but I can’t help but wonder: if that German man found his way to Bunny, perhaps while he’s drunk in some italian bar, what are the chances that the truth would be out and we behind bars before we can plead ‘not guilty’?

“You think you could fix this?” My voice is barely above a whisper, I don’t think I even hear it over the sound of my blood thumping in my ears. When his head moves in a nod, mine mirrors it. “It all depends on waiting for the right opportunity.” For the first time in my life, his words sound completely disconnected from reality after he adds, “It depends on how far we’re willing to go, as well.” 

I can’t bring myself to glance at his eyes, if at first I delighted myself in being the one to willingly drown into the depth of his focus, meeting his divine stare feels borderline blasphemous now. Is the way my blood is freezing in my veins because my mind is spiraling into madness, or have I passed on as well? If I turn my head to the side and lower my gaze will I find a mauled farmer welcoming into the world of the dead? For a split second, when my hands come into view, I’m sure they’re stained red up to the end of my forearm; the water I used to wash my dishes did nothing to wash away the guilt that apparently only I, in my friend group, feel. Invisible, imperceptible droplets of what I know is blood, stains my carpet. There’s no washing it off. I could bathe in the holiest of waters, scrub my skin until it turned the very same color of what I want to rinse off of me and it still would be for naught.

Lucky for me, my holy salvation undoes the curse I’ve cast upon myself with just a call of my name. “I said I could fix it. Do not doubt me.” My hands clench, I feel my muscles tense as soon as I realize that what he accuses me is indeed true, I am doubting him. 

No words are able to make it through the lump in my throat. With what little strength I can gather I force my legs to stand straight after I lift myself off the ground. “I’m not doubting you,” I lie, “I just think this entire ordeal has developed into something way bigger than us all.” 

“So you don’t understand, then.” He shakes his head, strands of hair the color of raven wings fall onto his forehead, his glasses sit precariously low on the bridge of his nose.  “I don't, Henry. I really don’t,” My panic is slowly shaping itself into something else, something I am familiar with and that I had stored away as soon as Henry’s healing salve was rubbed on my sinful body, “There’s a lot I don’t understand at this exact time.”

He doesn’reply. He silently lights up the last cigarette, the upside down one, the one I was saving for last and after a couple of clouds of smoke are created into existence he extends his hand to me: offering me my own lucky cigarette. I accept it. Smoke fills my lungs and burns my throat while I pace back and forth, letting ash fall to my feet.

It’s not enough, just one isn’t enough to calm the nerves that threaten to take over me. Inadvertently stubbing my smoke in my hardwood coffee table instead then into the ashtray an unstable exhale escapes me.

Henry doesn’t move, not one of his muscles has even remotely twitched in the time I took smoking. 

It is impossible to think in this scenario and in what feels like the blink of an eye, there’s a cold bottle in my hand, burgundy wine flows into a clean glass, it doesn’t settle into it for a second before it makes its way down my throat, the fruitiness and sweetness of it tickles me. In my rush, it spills down my lips  and leaves a maroon spot, as small as a cherry, on my shirt.

“I want my life back,” I pathetically confide in him, this time taking a seat next to him, “I am sick and tired of living in fear of the authorities showing up at my doorstep.” A miniscule yet expanding part of me outright believes the murder we committed is a sin not even Henry can absolve. 

“You think I don’t feel guilty, also?” He began, taking the empty glass out of my hands and pouring himself a drink before pointing his finger at me, “We are human. Of course I feel bad for eradicating a man’s life, but certainly not enough to be distraught over it like you are.” It makes me feel wrong, being so agitated over something he swears he can fix.

“It’s not guilt that I feel, it’s fear. I am terrified every morning when I wake up that I am going to be in handcuffs in a prison cell by the end of the day.”

“You do not know Bunny as well as I do. He won’t say anything.”

“You say that, but you’re just a man. You’re not an all-seeing creature. You don’t know every small variable that could cause him to out us all.” I’d never thought I’d say it out loud. ‘You’re just a man’. It felt like blasphemy to even think of Henry as anything but a deity, jabbing his mortality right in his face was something that I had never even imagined doing. I didn’t think it would come to this.

“I see what this is.” The way he said that, it resembled a lighting flung from Olympus, ready to strike an unaware, disrespectful follower of the gods. “You’re not guilty and you’re not scared of Bun telling anyone. What you’re scared of is repercussions.”

"That's not-"

"Not true? Is that what you're going to say? Because it sure sounds like it is. You don't believe I could find a solution." Never has a voice so calm yet so deadly existed.

"I'm just saying, what if you can't? What if none of us can?" I keep seeing it like I'm reading from a book set in the future, like the Oracle of Delphi is miraculously inhabiting my body. "Henry, I don't think there's time to wait for 'the right opportunity'. Bunny is a ticking bomb as is it."

"So what?" He spits, "Should we just kill him, as soon as we see him, without a proper plan? That would ensure his silence, wouldn't it?"

The temperature in the room drops.

"Kill him?..." Never in my life had I imagined entertaining the idea of putting an end to one of my friend's life. I might lie, in truth, if I said it didn't sound like a plausible solution. "We can't."

"Why not?”

Good question. While it sounded absurd, it was truly the only way this nightmare would come to an end. I thought of Mrs.Corcoran, Mr.Corcoran, all of Bun’s siblings and Marion. 

“It’s insanity.” I stood, backing away from him. “We are not killing Bunny. That’s final.” No matter how much it would help us, no matter how much that would ease my anxiety in the moment, I couldn’t. It is likely that my expression betrayed my words, for Henry’s next words shot a spear through me. Being in his presence was insufferable, now.

He hissed as he spoke, “Oh, would you quit the wounded bird act, for just a moment of your life?” He lifted himself off the couch, following me as I evaded his gaze by walking away into my kitchen. “What are you trying to prove? Your acting like this won’t bring back that man in the countryside, nothing will ever bring him back.” 

“I don’t want to bring him back! You’re so deep into your own view of life that you're refusing to see my side!”

“Don’t raise your voice at me.” I hadn’t even noticed my loud volume, “Nothing can please you, I swear. You’re in no way the single victim of what transpired in that field. Yes, your hands were stained red that night, but you’re not the only one: Camilla still has nightmares about it, Francis as well and Charles, he will never forget that bloody bite on his arm. You’re not a saint, you were there with us drenched in blood, no matter how much you’d like to imagine the contrary. ”

My clenched fists trembled at my sides, with my back metaphorically against a wall of needles there was not a single thing I could do. My time was slipping away from under my fingers, crumbling into sand and being carried into a faraway land, never to be seen again. “But killing our friend is… it feels so wrong.”

“Try not to see it as murder.” To my surprise his steady hands held mine until they stopped shaking, “Look at me, look me in the eyes,” he held my face with one of his hands, slightly squeezing both my cheeks to stop me from looking away, “It’s not murder,” His whisper was slow and soft, deep down it sounded as if he was trying to convince an invisible audience and not me, "Think of it as a redistribution of matter, alright? You’re calling him friend, but was he behaving like one when he would throw out references to our misdeed? Was he a friend when he would pick up the phone and pretend to call the tips number on the daily paper?” 

“You’re going mental Henry. There is not a single way in hell you’re seriously saying these words. If in the right situation I were in Bunny’s place, would you conspire against me, too?”  I asked, knowing what he would say, “You wouldn’t be half as troubling as Bun is.” That was confirmation enough. 

That night in the country, the only thing that was somewhat planned was the bacchanal, being drowned in what can only be described as the epitome of blissful, dionysian madness. Mauling an innocent man wasn’t planned, it was a tragedy. This, on the other hand, is a plan to get rid of Bunny. The one man that could be described as Henry’s best friend, there was a time where one would not ever be seen in public without the other.

“I don’t recognize you.”

“You don’t need to. You just follow my lead and it will all be okay. I promise you, we’ll fix it. I’ll fix it. Don’t stray away from me, don’t make us fight over something like this, alright?” 

Hours after this conversation, when he’s fast asleep in my bed and I’m staring at his eyelashes, I want nothing more than for this torment to reach an end.  “Does it all mean anything to you? Or is it all momentary until divine punishment wipes all off the face of the Earth?” My whisper is met with no answer on his end, his soft breathing for the time being placates my doubts. This is enough.

[justlarkin]

Shaytan was genuinely incapable of telling the difference on the hierarchy because he was disconnected from gravity. Thunderbird wanted to teach Heyoka the language of drinks because it's an easy way to convey your true feelings, implying that at some level Heyoka didn't have control over their behavior if he needed alternative means of communication. Exiling these two goobers over issues they had no control of.. Chat, I think we need to cancel Great Spirit and Eden for ableism?? Let's get the electric chair.