#exploration of feelings

[geekwithacuriousmind]

Servant Two Begins to Question

Surprise @diazuk-legacy ! I was your Secret Santa! I hope you like this one-shot and don’t think I took too many creative liberties with describing Servant Two.

Servant Two never had much of a choice regarding the course of his life. From the moment he was able to serve, he served. Freedom was a forbidden word, discouraged from all of the Emperor’s Hands. In return, the Emperor gave them power—the privilege to be His voice among all His subjects. Their words, in turn, became the Emperor’s word. And in the Empire, that meant power.

Yet the Servants were not foolish to think that power was enough to intimidate everyone in the Empire.

There were some Sith who believed they could do better than the Servants. They thought, in their naivety, that the Emperor’s inner circle worked similarly to their silly power struggles.

They all learned their lesson when the Servants were done with them.

Yet there was one exception: one person, a Sith whom the Emperor forbade to dispose of.

As Servant Two kept a close eye on the Emperor’s chosen, the Emperor’s Wrath, he failed to see what was so special about this Sith.

Why was it that his Emperor chose this Sith above everyone else?

Servant Two knew that even thinking this went against his vow. Their duty was to follow orders. The word of the Emperor was law. His wisdom was beyond the realm of understanding. As much as Servant Two wanted to understand, he knew he would never be able to grasp fully what his Emperor deemed or didn’t deem worthy.

Yet why did his heart ache every time he met with the Emperor’s Wrath? Why did he feel disheartened each time he tried to speak to the Emperor and was met with silence instead? His gaze, which fell on him so long ago— felt so out of range, as if his God was no longer in this realm.

Yet that couldn’t be, could it? He wouldn’t abandon them.

Right?

Servant Two was terrified of the answer. Because just even questioning his Emperor’s presence meant he doubted His power.

Yet it was too late for him. This existence was the only thing he had ever known. It was the only way he could think of surviving.

But could devotion, adoration, and loyalty be enough to hide the truth?

They were still following the orders of a God that was no longer there.

“We live to serve Him,” Servant One told him as if that was enough to eliminate all his fears and doubts. “We must keep his voice alive.”

What is there left to keep alive? he thought.

But rather than saying this, he kept following orders. He kept whispering in the Servants’ minds empty promises and broken vows.

He watched from the shadows as the Emperor’s Wrath stopped following the Emperor’s voice. They knew his ambition would be unstoppable. That his lust for power was unlike any other Servant Two had ever seen.

Yet they believed they could control him. Use him just like they did in the past to eliminate Darth Baras.

They had been wrong. Servant One returned with bruises and a wounded ego after almost being choked to death. With their spy robots destroyed and the Dark Council’s betrayal imminent— it was only now that they realized how weak the Emperor’s Hand had become due to His silence.

They were hunted down and destroyed by those who first sought them to further their selfish agendas. By those who were now in positions of power thanks to their influence and intervention.

Yet there wasn’t much they could do. Not with the Emperor gone. After all, their power came from Him. And without Him, they were nothing.

And would die like nothing, one by one.

It was their duty, after all.

[ruporas]

dragon meat, you, and me

[astearisms]

catalysts, protectors

[foundfamilywhump]

the question, you see, is not ‘is it too ooc for this character to cry’ but rather ‘what circumstances would push this character to cry’

this is the whump wisdom, go forth and make that character cry

[voltaical-art]

HE WAS SEVENTEEN. AGHHH ULDER WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON YOU

[rwsdarw]

this was fun

[angelscometrue]

Edwin was sacrificed using a book about magic and rituals. So after escaping hell he became an expert in all magic elements and acquired all the books about the subject. Using his magic knowledge to help people (see Niko, or the ghost in the pilot)

Charles was beaten to death by bullies. So he became the brawn, using his cricket bat to defend people. Beating up demons and violent people (see David,).

something about Edwin and Charles taking the thing that had killed them and making It their greatest weapon to help others.

[possamble]

Hold on

Was she

Hiding behind a portrait of her mother????? I know I joked about her emulating her mother to put off an air of a competent woman and mage but??? Did Ryoko Kui just straight up make the most straightforward visual metaphor of her feeling like a child behind the demeanor that she directly modelled off her mother??

[inkskinned]

before you know about women, you hear that you do not need to love the man, just that you need to love him through his manhood. which is to say you have seen the future painted in lamb's blood over your eyes - how your mother shoots you a look about your father's inability to cook right. how your aunt holds her wineglass and says i'm gonna kill em. men, right! how your best friend bickers with her boyfriend, how she says i can't help it. i come back to him.

you learn: men are gonna cheat. men aren't going to listen when you're talking, because you're nagging. men think emotions are stupid. they think your life is vapid and your hobbies are embarrassing. men will slam things, but that's because men are allowed to be angry. if you get loud, you're hysterical. if a man gets loud - well, men are animals, men are dogs, men can't control their hands or their eyes or their bodies. they're going to make a snide comment about you in the locker room, about your body, about how you're so fucking annoying. you're going to give him kids, and he will give you the money for the kids, and you're going to be running the house 24/7 - but he gets to relax after a long day, because his job is stressful. the man is on stage, and is a comedian, and says "women!"

and you are supposed to love that. you are supposed to love men through how horrible they are to you - because that's what women do. that's what good women do. wife material. your father even told you once - it'll make sense when you're older. it was like staring down a very lonely tunnel.

it feels like something's caught in your throat, but it's all you know, so. it's okay that you see sex as a necessary tool, a sort of okay-enough ritual to keep him happy, even though he doesn't seem to care about happiness as-applied-to you. it is relationship upkeep. it is kissing him and smiling even though he didn't brush his teeth. it is getting on your knees and looking up and holding back a sigh because he barely holds you as you panic through the night. it's not like the sex is bad and you do like feeling wanted. and besides! he's a man! like... they're another species. you'll never be able to actually communicate, right. he isn't listening.

you just don't get it. you don't feel that sense of i'm gonna climb him like a tree. mostly it just feels fucking exhausting. you play the part perfectly. you smile and nod and are "effortlessly" charming. and it's fine! it's alright! you even love him, if you're looking. you could have good life, and a good family, and perfectly happy.

in the late night you google: am i broken. you google i'm not attracted to my husband. you google i get turned on by books but not by him. you google how to get better in bed.

the first time he yells at you, it almost feels like blankness. like - of course this is happening. this is always how it was going to end up. men get angry, and they yell, and you sit there in silence.

you mention it to your friend - just the once - while you're drunk. she shrugs and says it's like that with me too, i just try to forget and move on. men are always gonna hear what they want to. pick your battles and say sorry even though he's in the wrong. you play solitaire online for a month. you go to your therapist appointment and preach about how you're both so in love.

after all, you have a future to want. nobody lied about it - how many instagram posts say marriage is hard. say real love takes work. say we fight like cats and dogs but the best part is that we always make up. how many of your friends say happy anniversary to the best and worst thing to ever happen to me. if you really loved him - loved yourself too - you'd accept that men are just different from you.

the first time she kisses you, it's on a dare at a party. something large and terrifying whips through your body. you wake up sweating from dreams where her mouth is encrusted with pearls and you pick them off one by one with your teeth. fuck. you sit at the computer and your almost-finished game of sim city. you think about your potential perfect life and your potential future family. you google am i gay quiz with your little hands shaking.

you delete each letter slowly. you don't need to love him. you just need to keep going.

[goldensunset]

when people refer to canon story-relevant kingdom hearts games as ‘spinoffs’ it makes me sad not only for the obvious reasons i always say but also bc like man i WISH this series had spinoffs. imagine what they could do if they had permission from nomura to truly go off the rails and ignore the greater canon for a second and just do some fun whimsical plotless thing in an alternate universe. imagine a fishing/boating game on destiny islands. kh fighting game. it is an injustice that we have been deprived of kingdom karts. can anyone hear me

[kenjakusbraincum]

Sukuna is old. He is also weirdly cultured for the monster that he is. With so much time on his hands, he loves indulging in arts and literature, and as with everything else he tries, he's good at it. You wouldn't know this, of course, you are only his pet. The time you spend with him is limited and hardly consists of intellectual conversation. You are there to serve one purpose and you know that quite well. So when you wake up in his bed one morning, two things come as a surprise. First that you're even here. It's one of those rare occasions when Sukuna couldn't be bothered kicking or carrying you out of his chambers once your time together was up. Second, he's awake, bent over his desk and so concentrated on a little figurine in his hand that he doesn't immediately notice you've shuffled awake. Once your eyes focus, you see that he's holding a tool in his other hand. He's carving wood. You're almost hypnotized by the scene. The scene feels so private that even for a pet like you, who knows Sukuna in the most intimate way, it feels like you shouldn't be watching. But you can't look away.

"Awake?", he asks, without sparing a glance at you. You apologize for staring, and look for your clothes around the bed. You throw them on just precisely enough to cover up until you reach your chambers, just wanting to be as quick and innocuous as possible. You wait for Sukuna's approval to leave. He gives you a simple nod, once more avoiding to look at you. You leave feeling conflicted. Special, because he allowed you to stay and watch (even as little as you did), but saddened because he barely looked at you, once more solidifying in your mind that you're only interesting to him when you're naked and bent over. As long as you've been here, you could never stop wishing for his validation.

Sukuna knows when you get insecure too. He notices the way your eyes droop, the way you close in on yourself and seem absent in his presence. He justifies this excessive worry about you by telling himself he likes to be the only thing that bothers his pets. All the way until he realized he already is the only thing that can make you sad. This realization falls upon him one time he lashes out on you and sees the immediate change of heart on your face. Now, he isn't one to apologize, especially not to someone who is as low under him as his pet. But why does he feel guilty when he sees this one act of his ruin your day? When he catches a glimpse of you sitting in the garden with your head hung low, or leaving more food on your plate than you usually do. If only you knew the way you really made him feel.

He beckons you to his chambers, and you follow three steps behind him like a good pet does. You didn't expect this time to be any different than others. You've become used to serving Sukuna on days you loved him and on days you hated him. But when he tells you to close your eyes, you know something is different. You obey, of course, and listen to his footsteps as he fetches something from the room. His hand takes yours and opens it, placing a piece of wood onto your palm. You already know, but you wait for him to allow you to open your eyes. He lightly presses his thumb on your cheek under your eye, and when you look, you find a small wooden fawn, curled up and asleep in your hands.

"Master!!..", you start, but nothing else can leave your mouth. You turn the figure around in your hand, inspecting and admiring the details. He's given you gifts before, but not ones carved by his own hand. Not ones made with love.

"You don't have to squint anymore.", Sukuna says, almost jokingly. But his face is as serious as ever as he looks at you, his muse. He thinks of the first time he's exhausted you to the point of passing out right after your nightly meetings. You were relatively new and very unsure of your safety. He thinks of your small body curled up in sleep on the edge of his bed, knees pressed to your chest in a primal, subconscious attempt to protect yourself. His little pet, his fawn.

You slur on and on about how beautiful it is, how you don't know how to thank him, the usual when you receive a gift. And as usual, Sukuna shuts you up with a kiss. You welcome it and wrap your arms around his neck, giving yourself in to him and letting him take you to the bed.

And he takes things slow tonight. He's gentle and so, so giving. Every sensation is delicate, prolonged and heightened to exhaustion. You cling to him, pull him impossibly close, and come apart under the comforting weight of him. Afterwards, you hold his hand to your face and kiss it softly. His hands, so large and strong, capable of such violence, yet for you they craft gifts, cradle, caress, love... in a very subtle and distant way, of course. With these thoughts your hands slip away from his, you turn around and quickly drift off.

He looks at you now, sleeping so close to him. Trusting him with your back, and turning your curled up form to the outside world. As if he is no longer a perceived danger. He smiles to himself in victory, and plants a chaste kiss to your shoulder to wish you one final goodnight.

[astearisms]

fionna and cake drawings before and after watching the episodes so far. it’s nostalgic and somehow cathartic and poignant and relatable and—it just started

[nancywheeeler]

hopeless time loop. the way out isn’t to save everyone. the way out isn’t to save even one person. the way out isn’t to change anything. the way out is accepting how it happened the first time is how it always will be. that’s how you acted, that’s how they acted, that’s how you would have acted every time if you weren’t given the curse of hindsight. the way out is accepting you can’t fix the past; you can only forgive yourself for it.

[eyestrain-addict]

[whollyjoly]

i want the whole SEASON of bucktommy

i want buck being wooed - flowers and being taken out and a little protective hand on the small of his back

i want to hear all the soft ways tommy can say evan and the look on buck's face when he does

i want to see them at tommy's karaoke trivia place because holy shit buck would love it (and didnt oliver say that we're getting buck singing this season cause uhhhhh)

i love that this is such a fling, such a happy thing for buck - he is finally feeling that puzzle piece click into place and it is freeing

and i cant wait to see all the small ways we see that play out!!!

let buck be happy challenge 2k24!!!!

[saturnvs]

under the starry skies, where eagles have flown