#exposed & they blame me 4 quote making them do what they did it’s been noticed they take zero accountability 4 their own actions & words

[fuzzyunicorn]

To continue the tag: that is our blessing from Him for our endurance thru sufferment without a single complaint or a cry of pain, for obeying him without question, showing up and showing out every day, and especially for our actions of refusing to harm them in return. He commanded me twice to retaliate & bc I never did we passed our tests and will be blessed to the maximum so ask away for anything you🖤 want my love you🖤 deserve it and will receive it. He said the only thing we did to them was make their true colors bleed out in the wash, so expose them for who they truly are. Vengeance is His says the Lord and a-fucking-men 2 that. God bless you 2 all the law enforcement (not the crooks) and a massive thank you

[kohakuarisaka]

Untamed (chapter 3 of 5)

Takami Keigo x (fem!)Reader

[ SUMMARY ] Every year, without fail, Hawks went into a rut: when autumn began, and then again in early spring. He would honker down up north in a secluded cabin. For the first time, he brought you with him.

[ WARNINGS ] R18+ for graphic sexual content and language. Non-canon compliant: Hawks’ quirk does not work like this. Reader is a hero that works at Hawks agency. Pre-existing relationship. Reader is a female with female genitalia. Feral behavior. Rutting. Biting. Spanking. Slight BDSM. Consensual sex. Wing kink. Oral sex. Romantic relationship.

Chapter 1 • Chapter 2 • Chapter 3 • Chapter 4 • Chapter 5

[ My BNHA Fanfic Masterlist ] ~ [ Also on my AO3 ]

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"Baby," a voice cooed at you while hands gently shook your shoulders, stirring you from sleep.

"Come on. Get up. The sun's gonna be rising soon," he continued, speaking to you softly.

You groaned like a wounded animal and tried to resist the pull to consciousness, hoping you could slip back away and he would cease this assault.

Of course, that didn't happen, and the murmuring and shaking didn't come to an end. You found yourself turning around and groggily taking in the sight of Hawks. He already looked wide awake, gold eyes beaming, skin glowing, handsome face as immaculate as ever.

It made you want to punch him.

"Get up," he said, more so telling than asking, albeit politely.

He had warned you last night that he intended to wake you early; but, that didn't stop you from groaning tiredly, rolling over, as if in protest, before complying with his request, removing the blanket slowly, afraid to expose yourself to the cold.

He had stoked the fireplace before waking you; that much was clear, seeing as it wasn't blistering cold when you wiggled out of bed. It was chilly, of course, but not enough to leave you trembling helplessly.

You realized that Hawks had already dressed himself, boots thumping quietly on the floor as he stepped around the bed. He had slipped on a grey T-shirt, and didn't seem to be feeling cold at all, judging by the lax way he rolled his shoulders, wings jutting out from his back gracefully.

He gave you a sideways glance, an almost untrusting look written across his face.

"I'm getting up!" you hissed at him.

Hawks wasn't expecting that sudden outburst and flinched a little, eyes widening slightly and feathers shuddering behind him. It was a comical sight, if you were being honest. It wasn't like him to be so high strung.

Before you could assume you had upset him, Hawks blew raspberries and turned away, heading for the stairs.

When he walked away, you most certainly did not admire the way his cargo pants hugged his ass, nor the way his shirt was pulled tight across the plains of his muscular back, nor how his crimson feathers looked so beautiful draped behind him.

Hawks didn't laugh when you met him downstairs; but, he sure looked like he wanted to. Here he was wearing some loose, comfortable clothes like it hadn't snowed all night, while you were dressed up in thick pants and a heavy coat with multiple layers underneath, ready to weather the elements.

As soon as you stepped downstairs, you were hit with the familiar smell of coffee lofting about the cabin. You recognized the aroma as his favorite, the one he stockpiled at the agency, that was almost always coming from his office.

He had taken the time to pour you some, as well, evident by the mug he was trying to hand to you with a suspiciously innocent look on his face.

"Seriously?" you laughed when you eyed the receptacle he was offering.

It was his merch, clearly. The mug was black with sparkly gold trim, the pattern matching the chest on his jumpsuit . It was covered in comic book style quotation marks containing, what you were guessing, was supposed to be his quotes.

Hawks watched you admire the cup, looking a little too smug for his own good, and returned to sipping from the very plain mug in his other hand.

"Do you really say these things?" you laughed, not expecting an answer because there was no way such nonsense flew from his mouth in the middle of a fight.

"Aheh. 'I am speed'," you read aloud with a scoff. "More like, 'I do speed'," you teased with a grin, catching the way he almost choked on his coffee, shoulders trembling with laughter.

"Who the hell approved these?" you added on.

"The hero commission, I think," Hawks replied, shrugging his shoulders a little.

The coffee, of course, tasted great. He bought the expensive, high-class stuff, after all. Hawks was the only person you knew who could sleep in the dirt with his visor skewed across his face, without a complaint to be had, but refused to drink anything but imported, specially grown coffee beans.

He was ushering you out the door the second you were finished with your coffee, pushing you out into the snowy forestscape, hands grabby and wings fluttering anxiously.

Before you could shudder and complain about the cold, Hawks scooped you up into his arms, kicked the door shut with the heel of his boot, and took to the sky.

You couldn't believe he was out here without a jacket on. Your fully covered arms clung to him for dear life, shivering and trembling in the cold. He wasn't flying particularly fast; but, the winds felt punishing, ice cold biting at your cheeks and seeping in through your clothes.

You were too cold to really appreciate the beauty of the forest covered in freshly poured snow. The glistening, white peaks sparkled like something out of a fairytale in the dimly lit morning light.

"Come on, babe," Hawks cooed, turning his head to blow hot air right on your ear.

Well, no wonder he wasn't cold. It seemed to make sense to you, then, why he went into his rut during these times of the year. He was generating enough heat to be a transportable furnace.

"If you keep clinging to me like that, you're gonna miss the view," Hawks uttered, so close that his lips moved against your skin as he spoke.

You peeled back from him, away from the warmth you were desperately trying to steal. He hadn't stopped flying yet, but slowed down a bit.

"O-oh..." you whispered, taking in the snowy wilderness.

A few miles past the cabin's backyard was a cliff that dipped down into rolling mountains. He had flown overhead, granting a wonderful view of the many acres of untouched wilderness, towering trees and lush forest landscape over rolling hills and mountains.

But, Hawks hadn't dragged you out here at the crack of dawn just to see the snowy landscape. He wanted you out here right at sunrise for a very specific reason.

He had made it just in time for the sun to peak out from the horizon line, like a giant glimpsing through the trees on the mountain top.

The sun was shining a mystical light across the mountains. The overcast clouds were dark purple gliding across crystal clear, blue skies. Rays of red sunlight glided through the trees while gold laid out across the piles of snow like a glistening blanket.

"See?" Hawks murmured, his flight coming to a halt.

He hovered, fairly high up, wings flapping gently, arms still wound tight around you, holding you close. There was a gentle breeze brushing through his hair, causing the feathery strands to tickle at your cheeks.

While you were looking at the landscape in awe, he was staring at you. The sunlight lit up your face and reflected heavily on your eyes, making them glow like crystal orbs. You had finally stopped shivering, too in awe at the sight to notice the chilling bite of the wind.

He didn't say it aloud; but, the most beautiful thing in the sunrise was you.

He liked to tell himself that the rut was making him mushy, emotional. Surely, powerful pro-hero Hawks couldn't be this soft? But, he knew his rut was only amplifying what he already felt so strongly.

His rut made him less inhibited, surfaced darker, feral desires that lay in waiting under layers of discipline he had spent most of his life building.

Even without his rut, you had a power over him he couldn't deny, the power to break him, to peel back the masks he wore, to melt away his self-control, until he was reduced to a desperate animal.

Oh, but the beauty of it all was that you loved that side of him. You had proved to him that you loved every side of him, even the parts that he tried so desperately hard to ensure would never see the light of day.

Even if he could blame his desires on his mutation, that didn't change that he was an assassin, for heroes, yes, but a murderer none the less.

You-

-you knew that, and yet, still, those soft hands held him as if he was untainted. You purred beneath his touch as if those weren't the same hands he had used to kill.

"Keigo?" you hummed.

Just like that, there you were again, freeing him from the torment of his own mind, a lifeline to free him from drowning in the ocean.

"Thank you for this," you uttered, turning your head to look at him.

God, he was beautiful. His gold irises were amplified by the sunlight, like shiny coins in a wishing well, taking in the sight of you shamelessly.

The bird-like curve of his eyelids already gave him a mystical appearance, now further illuminated by the rays of light shining down from above. The wind was blowing, tossing his already frazzled hair in a senseless dance.

The bright red plumes that made up the shape of his wings looked like something out of a dream. In the sunlight, the feathers glowed magnificent crimson, glowing in sharp contrast to the pale white, wintery landscape.

Your hands, that had been gripping his shoulders during the flight, wove up the back of his neck, fingertips touching the trimmed hairs there. You felt his hands tighten where they were holding you, his arms weaving tighter, as if he could get you closer.

"Do you like it here?" Hawks uttered softly.

His tone concerned you a little, as if he was sincerely worried that you were a prisoner here.

You smiled, replying, "it's the first time we've gotten to truly be alone. I'm enjoying myself more than you think."

His gaze softened at your words. A couple of your fingers played with the soft, short hairs at the top of his neck. He felt unbearably warm there, skin slightly damp with sweat. It was startling, considering how cold it was outside.

You felt the soft brush of his lips and let your eyes flutter shut. He was slow, careful, like he was tasting something new and delicious for the first time.

When he pulled back and tilted his head, you felt the faintest drag of his chin across your cheek, felt the fine hairs of his beard tickle your skin.

He hadn't shaved in a couple weeks, leaving you to see him in a mess than most didn't get the honor of. The normally neatly trimmed hairs he shaved down to a fine patch on his chin were now covering most of his jawline, the same beautiful, pale blonde as the hair on his head.

Tantalized, you leaned in, nuzzling your cheek against his jaw, before tilting your head back and feeling the drag of his soft beard against your skin. It felt good, maybe a little too good, and you failed to suppress a quiet gasp.

When you had pulled back far enough to catch his gaze, you immediately realized his eyes had changed. The calm was gone; now, something akin to a storm was brewing underneath.

It was a look you were very familiar with.

He let out a low exhale, as if he had been holding his breath. Your name fell from his lips, low and sultry, a warning, or a curse, and it made you shudder.

Hawks tilted back suddenly and started a sharp decent downward. Having flown together many times, you weren't afraid. The arms around his shoulders tightened and you let out a soft gasp, but more so out of surprise than fear.

His wings fanned out and took him sharply soaring through the trees at a speed much faster than he had brought you here. His grip on you was almost painfully tight, as if his fingers were trying to dig past the fabric of your clothes to get to your skin.

Excitement made you forget about the biting cold, the forest around you distorted almost violently. Suddenly, the cabin door was creaking and then being slammed shut. You hadn't even seen the cabin come into view. Everything felt like a daze.

He flew up to the loft and dropped you unceremoniously at the edge of the bed. The tumble had resulted in you facing away from him; but, you could feel his eyes burning through you.

"Take off your clothes," Hawks commanded, his voice oddly polite despite the nature of his request.

Just as soon as you started working your jacket off, he was kneeling to pull at the laces on your boots. He was strangely gentle when he pulled your shoes off, less so when he tossed them aside. As you worked your shirt off, he pulled your pants and underwear down in one fell swoop, leaving you mostly bare and cold.

You rotated around and leaned up on your elbows, catching his cold stare, indicating that you were not done yet. You peeled your socks off, feeling a rush of excitement at the look he was giving you.

Hawks usually wore a kind, harmless face, not that it was unnatural, for he truly was a good person. However, most could easily forget or be blind to how powerful he was.

Now, in his gold eyes, that was what you saw, the reality that he could take whatever he wanted, when he wanted. You didn't have to be reminded, for every sparring and training session did just that: you couldn't best him if your life depended on it.

Still, Hawks wasn't that kind of person. He was the kind of loved, often times so passionately that you feared you couldn't keep up.

Even now, when his hands took hold of your waist, his body language dominating, wings spread wide behind him, you felt loved.

An amused sound, like a hum, rumbled out of his chest as he carefully maneuvered you around.

You were compliant, letting him roll you around and push your chest down into the bed. The hand on your back was gentle, but commanding, fingers splayed wide in the space between your shoulder blades.

Instead of nudging your thighs with his hands, a boot-clad toe poked between your ankles, commanding you to spread your legs, which you did with a low moan. You leaned up on your toes, presenting to him like an animal.

The sight threatened to send him into a spiral, and you felt his clothed body fall over you, pushing you down into the bed.

His wings flapped once, sending a sharp gust of wind spiraling around the room. There was a painfully obvious contrast between the soft texture of his shirt and the rough texture of his pants.

He made it very clear, with a roll of his hips, that he was ready to take you. The feeling of his clothed erection against your sex, combined with the knowledge that he could just slip right in without preamble, had you mewling.

"You like this," Hawks observed, the words like thunder as they rolled off his tongue.

He retreated, suddenly reeling back and standing behind you, warmth leaving along with him.

"You like when I just take?" he asked, accentuating 'take' with a smack to the back of your thigh. It wasn't hard enough to hurt, but it did manage to startle a yelp out of you.

"Yeah," he uttered lowly, agreeing with his own observations. "You like being Hawks' little plaything," he continued, almost purring the words.

Your delirious brain didn't really know what to expect next. When you heard a thump, you had no idea what to make of it, until you felt breath on your skin and realized that was the sound of Hawks' falling onto his knees behind you.

He didn't waste any time diving in, lapping a heavy tongue across your slit, from top to bottom. His hands gripped your thighs, keeping you still while his tongue breached your entrance.

If his enthusiasm and lack of grace wasn't enough, the rumbling sound he made was enough to make it obvious he liked it.

You couldn't fathom that your taste could possibly be that good; however, you didn't dare comment, especially not when he was doing things with his tongue that shouldn't be humanly possible.

A rough smack to your behind startled you from a delirious daze of pleasure. You yelped quietly, but otherwise remained compliant. When he smacked you again, this time growling faintly into your sex, it was clear he wanted something that you weren't delivering; but, you didn't know what.

"K-Keigo, what-" you whined, breaking off into a howl when he smacked you again.

Normally, such a touch would have you instinctively shriveling away; however, his grip on you was tight, and it kept you still.

Hawks smacked you again, you helplessly cried out, again, and the sound faded into moans that you couldn't possibly contain with what he was doing. You started to wonder, when another smack was delivered, if he was just doing that for his own amusement.

Eventually, he stopped and leaned back, rising to his feet. His hand slid over yours, large palm practically swallowing yours, and guided it back to your sex. You rotated a little, angling your body to follow his movement.

"Feel that," he gently commanded. "How wet and warm you are for me."

You heard the floorboard creak as he leaned back, clearly to get a good view. You did as he requested, immediately driving two fingers into yourself. Sure enough, you were slippery, walls compliant and squishy, and unbelievably warm inside.

Being ready for him with little provocation wasn't exactly a new thing. You were both very busy heroes and keeping your relationship on the downlow. That meant quickies more often than proper time together.

Yet, Hawks sounded immensely pleased; with himself or with you, you couldn't quite tell.

He returned to the floor, hand brushing your knuckles to push your fingers in as deep as they could go.

"Keigo, what are you-" you began, cutting off when his tongue returned to your heat, right alongside your fingers.

"Finger yourself," he told you, sounding oddly blissful despite the fact that you hadn't touched him at all. His cock was still trapped inside his pants, throbbing against the rough material.

You complied with his request, lacking in any grace or proper friction considering the awkward angle. However, Hawks groaned in approval at the view before leaning back in.

His tongue dipped in right alongside your digits. Immediately, he forced the pace and you were desperate to try and keep up, fingers squelching in and out of your core alongside the slobbery mess of his tongue.

Your fingers couldn't compare, lacking in the length, thickness and dexterity of his digits. But, it seemed that Hawks was less focused on getting you off and more focused on playing with you; or, maybe, you had severely underestimated what the taste of your essence was doing to him.

At some point, he pulled back, grabbed your wrist to remove your fingers from your core, and sucked them into his own mouth. You weren't expecting the teeth, and let out a low hiss when his fangs threatened to pierce the skin, holding you firmly in place while his tongue sucked your fingers clean.

He didn't release your hand when he was done. You heard the floorboards creak as he stood up, felt him tug your hand down, until your knuckles brushed his clothed cock.

"You want that?" Hawks breathed.

His free hand gently spread over the space between your shoulder blades, pushing you down before you could dare think to lean up. Your cheek was resting against the sheets, hair spewed about in a mess. His hand wandered, pushing hair out of the way until your neck and shoulders were properly exposed.

From where you laid on the bed, you couldn't make out the sight of him; but, you could see one of his wings, stretched out, looming predatorily.

"Yes," you replied hoarsely.

His hand glided over the prominent bump where your first vertebrae jutted from the top of your spine, and lowered, setting between your shoulder blades once more, where he held you still.

"Then, take it," Hawks uttered, his other hand releasing your wrist.

You let out a low hiss, wanting to curse him for making such a ridiculous request. You couldn't see his face; but, you sure as hell could feel the smirk he was wearing as he stared at you, watching your handle fumble with his belt.

You doubted it was mercy; but, Hawks leaned in closer, the tops of his thighs sliding over the backs of yours, making it a little easier to undo his belt buckle.

The button on his pants followed, but not with ease, before you tugged his zipper down. You couldn't tug his pants down like this, leaving you to fumble around with his boxers, trying to fish his cock out.

"Keigo, you fucking ass-" you growled, not bothering to hide your frustration.

Hawks laughed softly, sounding a little more out of it than he did amused. "'m sorry," he cooed. "-like seein' you struggle."

The slur in his voice should have given it away, his patience had depleted; however, it still surprised you when he suddenly swatted your hand away. He hooked his thumb on the hem of his boxers and pulled them down just enough for his cock to bob free.

You felt the smooth tip nudge at your entrance, the faintest warning, before he pushed forward and entered your moist heat.

"Ohhhh fuck," Hawks howled.

He gave you no time to become accustomed to the sudden intrusion, immediately pistoning his hips back and forth, driving his cock in and out of you.

One hand pinned your torso, while his thighs pinned your legs, and his other hand gripped your hip for leverage. You shifted your feet, trying to lift up on your toes to better the angle, and bumped against his boots.

He was still fully clothed; and, really, that shouldn't have mattered so much. After all, how many times had he freed his cock from his jumpsuit to take you quick and hard before tucking it back in and immediately looking as if nothing nefarious had occurred. Yet, still, the realization had you feeling dizzy.

Before you could nudge a hand between your thighs, something beat you to it. You recognized that bizarre texture. It was soft, sure, but a tad bit pricklier than a normal feather, with an unnatural, firm touch. The little heathen knew exactly how you liked to be touched there, too.

The wet, lewd noises of your union, skin slapping together, was drowned out by the litany of moans pouring from his mouth. If he wasn't crying out in ecstasy, he was huffing and puffing like he had just ran a marathon.

If you were being honest, he was being just a little too rough, a little too fast, offering you no reprieve. You didn't doubt that he would stop if you asked him to; but, you sure as hell didn't want him to. The intensity of it all had you on a plain of existence you rarely got to experience, where pleasure became blinding and mind-numbing.

His hand slid off your back and onto the bed, grabbing a fistful of the sheets as he set a brutal pace, the kind that threatened to unravel your sanity.

"Fuck! You feel so fucking good," he growled, sounding so out of breath and lost. "Gonna fill you up. Yeah, I am. Want my seed dripping out of you all fucking week."

High off the pleasure, and maybe a little influenced by his own state, you moaned approvingly at the suggestion.

"Baby," he whined, suddenly sounding like he was in pain. The feather fluttering against your pearl intensified, practically vibrating against you with how fast it was moving.

"Need you come, need you to come," Hawks pleaded, the words hissing out from his lips between desperate pants.

You didn't think you could come in that moment. Everything felt so good, from his cock rearranging your insides to his feather flicking at your clit. The pleasure was tingling down your thighs and crawling up your spine. You could barely breathe, let along process a coherent thought beyond Keigo.

The hand that had been holding your hip let go and joined the other in gripping the bed. He arched over you, forehead meeting your back.

"Come for me, come for me," Hawks sobbed.

You realized then, as he trembled behind you, that he had reached his own completion, and he didn't slow down until his orgasm waned. You could feel his seed, like molten lava as it filled your insides.

Hawks was still panting when he growled, "again."

He flipped you over, winding your legs over his waist and somehow managing to keep his cock seated inside of you during the transition. Your arms flopped uselessly above your head. You felt weak, laying there like a doll while he turned you over. Still, it felt good: his cock, his hands, his warmth.

One of his arms looped beneath your lower back and tugged you properly onto the bed. He climbed onto the sheets and followed, dragging you beneath him.

He was prepared to continue thrusting into you wildly and blindly chase another orgasm when your eyes met and he froze up. You could practically see him blink away delirious arousal, the sight of your debauched face bringing him back to his senses.

"B-baby, do you need me to stop?" Hawks offered, the words falling from his lips so weakly.

You huffed out a weak breath and reached for him. He leaned down, letting you wind your arms across his shoulders. Your fingers dipped across his clothed back until you reached his wings.

Hawks literally shouted when your fingers dipped into the exposed seams on the shirt and touched the baby feathers growing fresh from his back. The sound rattled your bones and made you jerk from the startle.

He didn't have to be told twice, obviously, for Hawks continued his thrusting immediately. The slippery, wet sounds of his claim over your body was downright disgusting, and you loved it. Your legs clung desperately to his hips, heels digging into the backs of his thighs.

One of his feathers was still pressed against your clit, now trapped between your bodies. It had stopped moving; but, every time he thrust back into you, it created delicious friction.

Your assault on his wings rendered Hawks incapable of speech. The pleasured sounds he made was almost unnatural. If you didn't know any better, you would have thought he was in pain between the broken, blabbering moans and choked, sharp gasping.

His arms were still wound beneath you, holding onto you for leverage and clinging to you so closely, so tightly, it was almost crushing. His wings were arched up high, flapping occasionally as if to increase the momentum behind his thrusts.

His face fell into your throat, forcing your head back into the sheets. He was burning hot, practically oozing sweat. In the corner of your eye, you could see the red tint staining his ears. You could practically feel his frustration gnawing its way through his body and into yours.

Without warning, you felt what couldn't be mistaken for anything other than Hawks' teeth piercing the skin of your neck. Sure, he had bit you before, even left faint hickies on occasion; however, this was something else entirely, and forced a scream from your throat.

You had no doubt he had pierced the skin, judging by how it burned. He was growling into the skin, holding onto you with his teeth as if you were attempting to flee. You didn't dare release his wings, fingers woven through the fine plumes, caressing the sensitive skin of his shoulder blades, where crimson feathers grew.

The bite hurt, without a doubt, but there was no denying the electrical shocks of pleasure it sent through your body. If it wasn't that, then it was the growls vibrating from his mouth onto your skin.

Suddenly, your orgasm hit, and left you screaming and gasping with a sort of ferocity you didn't think you were capable of. Something that sounded almost like his name fell from your lips at some point. Your back arched and your legs trembled where they rested around his hips.

You failed to realize he was following closely behind you. Your grip on his feathers had gone limp and you didn't notice the way his wings arched up, the tips of the longest quills nearly touching the ceiling. He kept going and going, until he was spent and your cries of ecstasy came to a halt.

Hawks let go of your throat and leaned up, removing his arms from beneath you to set his palms on the sheets. He should have felt embarrassed or ashamed or something. But, looking down at the bleeding bite wound on your shoulder, watching the way your chest heaved with heavy breaths, seeing the tint of red along your cheeks and neck, he felt blissfully proud.

Hawks scooped you into an embrace and carefully rolled onto his side, bringing you in with him and cradling you against his chest. One of his wings fell over you, the plumes stretched wide to hide you from the outside world. All you could see was him, his handsome face, the crimson feathers of his wings.

You were acutely aware that he was still inside you, still somewhat hard; but, his temperature was lowering and his breathing was steadily returning to normal. Your fingers untangled from his plumes and came around to rest limply on his chest.

He lapped his tongue softly against the bite wound until it stopped bleeding before peppering it with kisses. It stung a little and you squirmed in his grasp.

"I'm not sorry about the bite," Hawks confessed lowly, leaning back to look at your face.

"Me either," you replied, offering him a weak smile.

He looked blissfully unaware until you leaned in and sucked some of the skin of his neck into your mouth. Hawks groaned approvingly, laying still until you were satisfied and let go, leaving behind a faint, purple bruise.

You stared at his handsome face, watching the vibrant, red blush slowly leave his features as he calmed down. Blonde locks were clinging to his sweat soaked forehead and everything between the two of you reeked of sex. Yet, you couldn't bring yourself to complain when he looked so damn happy.

Hawks leaned in and pressed a gentle kiss against yours lips. Before he could retreat, you tilted your head and leaned in, not letting him escape. He hummed into the kiss, letting you lead until you were content and departed with a wet smack.

"Just a little bit longer," he promised, fingers gently digging into your back.

"Tell me what you're thinking," you requested, nuzzling your nose against his.

Something uncertain flickered in his gold eyes and his lids narrowed slightly.

"It's not sensical," he uttered lowly, and you felt one of his hands slide around to your front. His thumb lovingly brushed along the dip of your tummy, beneath your belly button. His gold eyes shifted down, staring at the expansion of your naval with dedication.

You both had implants. It wasn't going to happen. He knew that. Of course he did. But, he couldn't help but feel dedicated to commit to the effort, as if it would.

Your hand followed his, spreading over his fingers to press him down gently over your lower abdomen, as if this would be successful, as if there was a chance he would take. The encouragement to put him ease.

Hawks wanted to believe it was the rut talking. Some of it was, his body deliriously driven to mate, to the point that he overheated and arousal pained his core. But, his motivation wasn't purely biological. It was because it was you, whom he trusted with every fiber of his being.

But, he couldn't bring himself to tell you that. You loved being a hero, and he wasn't going to take that from you.

It felt special, being hidden with him like this, beneath his wing, whispering such depravities to one and other, that the rest of the world would never know. You felt safe, in a way that felt impossible. Here, as irrational as it sounded, you felt like Hawks could protect you from the world.

[waejinyoung]

Can’t Swim - EP . 8

Can’t Swim 8

word count: 3.2k+

a/n: you might be questioning where I have been for the past couple of months. I have one word to say that should be a good enough answer. College. I’ve been studying none stop and found no time to write the next episode after university started. The posts will no longer be regular so just keep yourselves updated. Hopefully I will have another 2 episodes up between now and the end of the year at least but don’t quote me on that. I hope you enjoy! 

I’m deeply sorry for my absence again x

warnings: nothing

EP . 1 , EP . 2 , EP . 3 , EP . 4 , EP . 5 , EP . 6 , EP . 7 , EP . 8 , EP . 9

THIRD PERSON POV

The afternoon continued with Y/N and Jinyoung discussing life and getting to know one another whilst Y/N replied to her emails.

“It’s mind b-boggling how you and J-Jackson may have crossed paths back in 2012…” Y/N had just mentioned how she was training for the London 2012 Olympics to compete for swimming.

“Similar to Jackson, I switched career paths and decided to study architecture. Dad wasn’t the biggest fan until he saw the passion and success I had gained in the industry. He soon came to terms with everything.”

“Wow… do you r-regret it at all?” The clock marked 10:30 pm. You guys had been talking for the past 90 mins, getting to know each other.

“I think I regretted not swimming after deciding to study architecture. I didn’t choose to not compete in the Olympics because I no longer liked swimming so I do regret not continuing although I must say, studying architecture might be the most time consuming degree out there. That’s why later on I decided to apply to become a licensed swimming teacher to undergo lessons. I’d be teaching people how to swim whilst fulfilling my love for swimming.”

“Best of both w-worlds, r-right?”

“Exactly.” Y/N had now placed all her work to aside with her back against the wall, legs crossed enveloped into the conversation.

Some seconds went by and Y/N wanted to know about Jinyoung’s initial dreams.

“What about you? Did you always want to be a singer?”

“Always. I took up d-dance lessons when I was around 15. Then went to a-audition and got in to JYPE. That was when I met J-Jaebeom. We actually d-debuted together as a d-duo group called JJProject to later on d-debut with the r-rest of the g-guys as GOT7. Since t-then they’ve been my f-family rather than just my m-members. I think it’s g-getting to the p-point where I might have spent m-more years of my l-life with them then I did without. Time flies…”

“I could definitely sense the brotherly love you guys all have for each other. So how did becoming an actor happen?”

“I r-requested from the c-company to find roles I could take part in a couple years b-back. First it was small roles in small d-dramas and then being c-casted by more known d-directors to p-play bigger roles. All of that has l-led me to play s-second male lead for ‘When My Love Blooms’.”

“When do the episodes start airing?” Y/N had grown eager about Jinyoung’s talents.

“Hold your h-horses… we haven’t e-even started f-filming yet and won’t be until I r-recover… The original airing d-dates will probably be p-pushed f-further.” Jinyoung’s words drifted into a sudden realisation for his career.

“If only-“ Y/N was about to blame herself again.

“We’ve been through this m-multiple times Y/N. None of this is your f-fault so s-stop blaming yourself for t-things you have no c-control over.”

Y/N had her mouth open ready to retaliate but if she had to be honest… she couldn’t be bothered to fight back considering it was now coming up to 11:00 pm.

“Fine.” Y/N yawned and covered her mouth. Work had been extremely busy today especially with all the news floating around now.

“S-someone’s tired.” Jinyoung eyed Y/N’s tired state and decided to call it a night.

“I still have so much to do. I can’t fall asleep now.”

“C-could you n-not spare an e-early n-night just for t-today?” Y/N recollected her thoughts weighing up if she could possibly sleep early tonight and get all the work done tomorrow.

“I could…”

“Problem s-solved then. Clear up your b-bed and get your pjs on. I d-don’t want to f-face a t-tired Y/N tomorrow m-morning.” Y/N eyed your mean comment and huffed to your orders.

“Yes, sir.”

2 WEEKS LATER

Y/N’s POV

“Miss, Jinyoung has been recovering quicker than expected. He should be perfectly fine to attend the event. If anything unsettling happens you can give me a direct phone call.”

“Thank you so much Doc.” You gave the doctor a large smile and she reciprocated a reassuring smile.

You entered Jinyoung’s room with your outfit for the architecture awards festival along with you.

“Am I allowed to come?” Jinyoung asked as soon as you entered the room. You gave him a nod.

Jinyoung’s voice was more or less back to 100% and his eye had completed healed by the end of last week. There wasn’t much left until being fully recovered. Possibly parting from the hospital quicker than the original 2 months the doctor had estimated.

“I knew I’d get the green light. I even prepared my outfit because I was so sure I’d be able to come.” You hadn’t seen someone so ecstatic for an awards festival.

“As expected… I’m not even surprised. Will you be able to get dressed? Need any of my help?” Jinyoung was still a little instable since he’s been lying in bed for the past 2 weeks. His legs tend to give out for the first 30 mins.

“I think I can manage. I’ll get dressed quickly and then the bathroom is all yours.” You chuckled at his assumption that you’ll take really long in the bathroom for the event.

Jinyoung heads towards the bathroom and you are left there practising a speech you’ve written for all the awards you and your company have been nominated. This isn’t because you knew you were going to win any of them but… the unprofessional scenes if you guys were to win an award and to not have a speech ready daunted you. There was nothing wrong with being prepared.

15 MINUTES LATER

You must say… I don’t think you had ever laid eyes on someone so handsome in your life before. You could swear that this man was carved by God himself.

“How much deeper are you going to fall into my looks?” You hadn’t realised but you had been staring Jinyoung up and down for the past 30 seconds of him leaving the bathroom. Hair all styled. The suit was literally made for him. His cute bow tie was a little wonky leading you to let out a chuckle.

“What?” Jinyoung’s face turned serious thinking something was wrong with how he looked.

“Your bowtie is wonky.” You stood up from your seat and reached out to fix his bowtie. Your eyes were fixated in straightening the bowtie and all Jinyoung could do was analyse your face and how focussed you were.

“There you go. Looks better now.” You lightly let go off the tie and looked up at Jinyoung who was already staring right back at you. Those bambi eyes were going to be the death of you.

“Thank you. Now go and get yourself ready.” He pinched your nose and then you entered the bathroom with your dress, makeup bag and accessories.

20 MINUTES LATER

“Jinyoung~~” You called out for Jinyoung. You were done with everything but couldn’t reach the zipper on the back of your dress. You had been procrastinating on what to do and just gave up. There’s no way you could zip the dress up alone.

“Yes, Y/N. Is everything alright?” You could hear his footsteps come closer to the bathroom door.

“In a bit of sticky situation… could I ask you to do a favour?”

“Sure, what is it?” You went ahead and unlocked the door for him. He took a step back and couldn’t contain the sight in front of him. You were in a red bandeau strapless dress which had a structured skirt that was shorter at the front and longer at the back with. A very slight trail. Unsurprisingly your makeup was the bare minimum and you had left your natural hair out. His mouth was agape as you stepped out of the bathroom.

“How much longer are you going to stare for Mr Park?” He had been in the same awe you was when he had stepped out of the bathroom earlier on.

“Yes…right… the favour?” His soul re-entered his body trying to compose himself. You could only smile on the effect you had on the prince himself.

“I can’t reach my zipper, could you zip up the back of my dress for me?” You saw his cheeks blush a light pink below the thin layer of bb cream he had on. Without the zip done neither of you were going anywhere so he had to do it.

He wasn’t able to give a verbal response and just nodded. You turned around to have your back facing Jinyoung. He moved your hair to aside exposing half of your back to him. He was blushing so hard right now and was happy to have you facing away from him even though in a matter of seconds you’d be facing him seeing the shades of red planted on his cheeks. Jinyoung gently placed one hand on the zipper and the other hand on your back holding the fabric of your dress still. His fingers grazed your skin and they were a little cold leading you to jolt a little by the surprising cool touch. He notices.

“Did I hurt you?” His voice was a little worried. The slightest worrying reaction you make, and he’s so concerned. He’s too sweet.

“Nope, your hands are just a little cold that’s all.” You say whilst you chuckle.

He apologises with his soothing voice and zips up the dress, letting out a quiet done when finished.

You turn back round and thank him for his kind gesture. You also noticed the flush of his cheeks. He’s so cute, you thought. You quickly put your heels on and left Jinyoung’s patient room and entered the hall of the hospital. Expectedly, you guys received some stares and some whistles by the old women sitting outside their patient rooms. The event manager had organised a limousine to pick up each nominee for the awards hence why there was a lovely jet black limousine parked at the entrance of the hospital. The driver spotted you two and guided you the way and kept the door open for you two to enter the fancy vehicle. He ran back to the wheel and started driving towards the venue.

“Anything I need to know beforehand? Who should I present myself as?” Jinyoung had started with the questions during the car drive.

“Who’d you like to present yourself as Jinyoung?” You wanted to fish out his intentions from him.

“Preferably your boyfriend in order to stop those punks from hitting on you but I’d never want to force you into a relationship with me…” He side eyed you as he kept looking out the window. You so wanted him to be your boyfriend.

“Logical. Agreed. If anyone asks, you’re my boyfriend.”

“What an honour.” You slap his thigh due to his sarcastic tone.

“Whatttt? I’m serious. I’m going to be the boyfriend of an amazingly talented architect who’s bound to receive an award tonight. It’s a genuine privilege.” You could only look at him in awe as he described the so called ‘privilege’ he was taking part of.

“If you say so…”

The humming noise from the motor of the limousine was really calming but Jinyoung broke the silence once again.

“Are you nervous?” His tone was much deeper and serious compared to how he was a second ago.

“A little. These awards happen once a year and we’ve progressed so much as a company but so has everyone else in the industry. It’s hard to tell if we’ll be receiving the major validation from the institute. With or without the award tonight I’m so pleased with my company, but it would be nice to get a recognisable achievement for all our hard work.” Jinyoung listened to you as you let out your insecurities for the upcoming night.

“In the little amount of time I’ve met you, I think you’re the only person who deserves all the awards you’ve been nominated for this year. No one can change my thoughts and it’s going to be a pleasure to witness your achievement first hand. I can’t wait.” He rubbed his thumb over your knuckles trying to calm your nerves down. It was going to be a long night.

30 MINUTES LATER

Your limousine had rocked up to the red carpet laid out on the floor outside of the venue of the awards. You took a deep breath as the driver ran around to Jinyoung’s side of the limousine to let him out. Jinyoung agreed to open your door for you so he exited the vehicle first. Like he had planned, he went around to your side and opened the door for you to step out. The cameras started capturing every single moment as you wrapped your arm around Jinyoungs, and he gave you a reassuring nod. You gave him a smile and the two of you walked towards the entrance of the building slowly as you waved to the cameras and press greeting the two of you. The cameras were close to blinding, but you pulled through until reaching the entrance where the bodyguard escorted the two of you to your spaces in the main hall.

The building was full of white and gold decorations. You could definitely tell that the theme was highly influenced by Greek culture. The budget of the awards keep growing as the number of sponsors increase. The bodyguard escorted you to the table that Beck was already sat at with his fiancé. Beck realised your presence as well as Jinyoung. He stood up to give you a hug and shook Jinyoung’s hand. Beck’s fiancé shook both of your hands too and took your seats.

“The famous Mr Park. It’s nice to meet you in person. I’m Beck, the other shareholder.” Beck gave Jinyoung a warm smile.

“It’s nice to meet you to Beck. It seems like you already know of my name, but I’ll reiterate for the norm. My name is Park Jinyoung, you can call me just Jinyoung.” You let out a scoff because of how formal Jinyoung was being with Beck.

“He’s younger than you so you can ignore the formalities.” You said to Jinyoung and then Beck and him opened the conversation about age and their Chinese zodiac signs.

The evening began at 7:30 pm with the award winners due to be announced at 9:00 pm. Until then there was butterflies in your stomach ready to be set free any minute now.

Jinyoung came closer to your ear and whispered, “Loosen up a little. There’s no need to be this tense. Here hold my hand.”

Jinyoung offered his hand and you took it immediately as he gestured his open palm. Your hands were tiny compared to his manly hands. They encompassed all your digits giving you’re a sigh of relief because of the security they exerted. You let out a large sigh and continued with the discussions on your table with the new clients that were interested in your company. Having Jinyoung at the event really helped scare away the useless men who would only be interested in your physique and nothing more. His presence filtered out all the nonsense that would usually be taking place at the table.

The clock finally struck 9:00 pm and everyone went back to their designated seats in order for the awards to be presented. The event holder went through all the minor rookie awards to then move onto the company categories.

“Here are the nominees for Best Project of the Year.” The event holder signalled to the larger screen behind him as the nominees including your company are mentioned in no specific order.

“I was personally really fond of this project myself too. The meaning behind the design and the immense detail put into the façade really makes me excited for the future of this company. I’ll stop blabbing on and open the envelope.” You looked at Beck and then back at Jinyoung who was really eager to know the result.

“The award for Best Project of the Year goes to…” The event holder lifts the flap of the envelope and takes out the white sheet of paper inside. You hold your breath waiting for the result to be spoken.

“The Chamberlain project, designed and constructed by Chevrel Architects.” The whole community around your table started roaring and cheering for you and Beck to claim the award. That was one award written down in the books for Chevrel Architects, a company you and Beck had started years back. You and Beck had decided that if this award was given to you guys then he’d give the speech for it. Beck was the reason for the Chamberlain project happening and hands down you could state it was because of him the project turned out well. You, Jinyoung and everyone else in the hall stood up clapping as Beck walked up to the stage and shook hands with the event holder along with receiving the award. He then walked up to the mic and started his speech.

“I’d like to first start off with a large thank you to everyone at Chevrel Architects. The amount of hard work that was put into the Chamberlain project is indescribable, without everyone’s help it wouldn’t have been possible to achieve such a great outcome. I’d like to also thank Y/N for coming on this journey with me and trusting in me when I said that this company will create its own legacy. This is only the beginning…” Beck continued to thank more or less everyone he knew and came to an end with another roaring applause by everyone.

He jogged back to your table and you admired the award he placed on the table. You felt Jinyoung squeeze your hand in encouragement for you to realise how much you guys are capable of although he still knew you were a little iffy because the individual architect awards hadn’t been announced yet. You couldn’t help but smile at the gleaming object right before your eyes. Having received this award you doubted that another award would be given to someone of the same company.

Minutes went by and the event holder had reached the most awaited award of the night. Architect of the Year. You were surprised that you hadn’t left to use the restroom to throw up all this anxiety already. You were so ready to go home and relax. You wanted your normal heart rate back. You looked at Jinyoung and he gave you a look that melted your heart in seconds. He started massaging your knuckles with his thumb again and you could feel your body ease into his touch. The event holder for the last time of the night directs our attention to the screen for the listing of the nominees. Beck unfortunately wasn’t nominated so he was rooting for you to win the award.

“I know for many of you this is probably the most important part of the night. I’d like to first mention that to be able to be nominated for this award is ana achievement in itself so, you architects should all be proud of yourselves. It was a very hard decision that the committee made but we were able to make a decision. The award for Architect of the Year goes to…”

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I think it was mean of me to have ended this episode here, but it is 2:30 am right now as I write this episode. I hope you guys liked this episode. I shall be back somewhat soon so make sure to come back to check if an episode has been uploaded. Like always let me know your opinions on the story line and check out the other episodes if you haven’t. It would be nice to get some feedback :)

See you next time

writer-nim x

[homicidal-sheep]

Notable Quotes from TOG Comic

I finally got around to reading the first volume of The Old Guard and while I’m sure other people have done this much better, I’m still gonna write down my thoughts. 

1.) “Bring me one of them, I don’t care which one” - Merrick

Okay seriously? I love movie Booker but in the comics, he easily could have given himself up. Merrick literally stated he only needed one. Again, I love Book but it’s slightly harder to sympathize with him here. 

2.) “[Booker’s] practically a fucking baby” “If he’s dead thats just...its so unfair. Why does he get to die and not me?...I don’t know what I’m gonna do if I’ve lost him too” - Andy

Okay so this is multilayered. The first quote is quite a bit before the rest but it stills shows how Andy views Booker. When she thinks Copley’s men killed him she’s first a bit jealous. Bitter that this baby got to die and she would be forced to keep on living. She does care for her soldiers though, and doesn’t want to lose another. Earlier, in the argument over retrieving Nile, its actually Andy arguing against it, Booker agrees with Joe and Nicky. Andy brings up that she was made leader, and she needs to protect her people. Getting Nile puts them more at risk. She goes on to list Booker’s usefulness but its clear she cares.

3.) “...as bait!” - Andy and Nile

I just included this because it explains why Booker was left behind in the safe house. I’ve seen people discussing why. 

4.) “Andy wants me to tell you that keeping in touch with your family risks exposing us all...that is not the real reason. The real reason is to protect your heart.” - Booker

Something I thought was interesting was that Booker did not initiate the talk on family. Andy suggested Nile ask Booker. Booker is a warning of what can happen. His family grew bitter and resentful, they could easily have told anyone. He in turn also grew bitter and resentful. Andy had a similar experience, staying and loving a human as they grew old. Her lover was far more understanding but it still hurt her in the end. Both learned the hard way that loving humans only ended up with pain on their ends, so to protect their hearts they had to stop loving so much. Andy was far better at this than Book.

5.) “Andy just cuz you got a computer doesn’t mean you’re on the internet...Booker connecting to the web in a damn cave thats-” - Nile

5.5.) “Nile tried to warn me. She saw this coming. But the truth is, so did I.” - Andy

Okay first off, love Nile. So smart. I 100% support her dreams of becoming an art history major like damn, follow your dreams. You have the guards one brain cell, take advantage!

Secondly, Andy’s reaction to Booker’s betrayal. She knew, she suspected, but she was blinded by love and apathy. She says something along the lines of finally feeling angry. And how it felt good to feel things again. Between Niles presence and Book’s betrayal, she finally has something to fight for, and live for, thats not sex, booze, and death. 

6.) “I want something to live for. Right now thats the people on my team.” - Andy (which was inspired partly by Niles “Every day you waste is one you don’t get back”)

As I said above, this gave her the push she needed to realize how much of her immortal life she had wasted wallowing. This is said after Booker explains why he did what he did. How he did it for THEM because he saw his own misery in her eyes and wanted to do something about it. The parallels between her and Bookers arcs show how easy it was for them to get lost, and how easy it was to lose hope and give into their bitterness and jealousy. 

7.) I don’t have a quote but I would like to mention Nicky and Joe

They aren’t as...idk abundant? Nothing quote wise stuck out, it was more artwork. Besides the art being...questionable, I just felt they were more, maybe not ruthless, but callous. In the movie, Joe and Nicky can be violent, but they don’t take pleasure in it. I don’t know if their actions in the comics can be seen as “pleasurable” but they just seems more, willing I suppose. I don’t blame them in the least, it’s just different. I just love all the analysis of Joe and Nicky and their relationship with violence and the comics just felt off, after reading them.

8.) “What’re you gonna do?” “Live” - Nile + Booker’s last conversation. 

I have really mixed feelings on this. My initial thought was, this doesn’t feel earned. As I wrote this long ass ramble, I somewhat changed my mind. 

In the movie, I could see something like this, at least with Andy. She is the one who flat out told him, we have been doing a shit job of living these past few centuries. So it makes sense for him to look at her and say, I will try, I will try and live because thats what you want from me.” Do I think he would succeed? Maybe. Not before a lot of wallowing at least. He is still depressed and I really do not think he can pull himself out without some help, be it his family or just some random neighbors that grow weirdly attached to him. He defines himself by the people around him and what he can do for them, and never really seemed to learn grow as a person beyond his all consuming grief. 

Comics wise, Andy gave a somewhat inspiring speech, threw them out a window, drove off, then she and Booker shot each other like children throwing dirt until Nile used a machine gun on them (good for her btw. I’m also going to throw this quote from Booker in, “Let me explain damn you! You owe me that much at least!”) Andy hasn’t lost her immortality so he feels less guilt over that specifically, enough to still feel entitled to explain himself, even when he has now sentenced 2 of his brothers to torture. He still truly believes he did this for both of them as I said before, and if it was just Book and her, no Nicky, Joe, or Nile, I think she would have been more inclined to agree. Seeing her resolve, and change of heart, it seems to be enough for Book to realize that he was indeed, in the wrong.

I suppose seeing Andy with a newfound purpose could inspire him a bit to try. Good for him, maybe he’s have more luck. He seems more of a chainsmoker than an actual alcoholic (not that thats a lot healthier or a better coping skill). I just think he would grow disillusioned pretty quickly. I felt the comic was trying to show he had a newfound appreciation for life (what with him smiling (? its hard to tell with the art) off into the distance) but I just don’t think enough has happened to keep it up. So maybe in that instance it’s maybe earned, but is in no way gonna stick around for long. (I haven’t read vol 2 yet so who knows).  

Idk this was a very long ramble, maybe it makes sense, maybe it doesn’t. I didn’t mean to make that last bit all about Booker, whoops. These were just the big things I noticed while reading that I wanted to bring up. (Sorry about any typos!)

[minjoonalist]

If You Let Me. ii | KNJ 18+

Author: hey guys! This is a sequel(?) To If you let me. (m) . Honestly Idk what made me want to write this lol but I suggest reading that first to get a better understanding before this one. Or hopefully its good either way without it lol.

Previously- If You Let Me. [part one]

+++

Discription: for 4 long years- he kept his promise. There wasn’t a single moment you ever doubted his love for you. or so you thought …

Word count: 7.8k

Genre: angst, smut, fluff? (If you want it bad enough)

Pairing: Husband!Namjoon x Reader [ ft. tae and hobi]

Quote: “4 years ago today, I told you how deeply in love I am with you….how perfect you are for me. I promised you, that I would never make you feel like you werent enough….it seems I somehow managed to break that”

+++

11:02 am

A knock sounds gently on your door waking you from your hallow state. You stare at it blankly before mumbling the words ‘come in ‘ to your visitor.

“ Noona?” Taehyung, the boy that was like your close little brother whispers as soon as he opens your door. “ I know you’re mad at Joon hyung…b-but can I come in still?” He asked you nervously. You comment yes for the first time in a while and settle back against the headboard of your bed. you thought about telling him not to call you that like you usually did but, but did you really have the energy?

It had been four years. Four years since Namjoon had proposed to you, and promised you forever with him. four years since he broke down the tough wall your ex-fiancee kai had managed to build.

a sad smile came on your face and tears started to brim in your eyes.

you blinked , it seemed as if everything was feeling a little too familiar. you remember blinking back so many tears over kai and now it scared you to do the same for Joon. Tae , watching his beautiful noona with a sorrowed expression, walked into the semi-dark room and sat comfortably on your bed. “noona-”

“Tae pleeaasee… just call me y/n -okay?” you rub his shoulder. he nods gulping at the intimate gesture, it wasn’t that he was attracted to you- which of course he was. It was that, for the past few weeks since you’d kicked his best friend out of your house - you could barely manage to look at him nor hoseok either. he couldn’t blame you, of course you wouldn’t trust the two closest males to him- for all you knew they were part of the problem as well. but they stayed persistent, promising their Hyung to always look after you even while he was away..

your hand fell miserably from him and he gently took it in his. there was so much he wanted to say to you, but he was afraid he’d set your relationship back. he didn’t want you to hate him and think that he was just another guy trying to take up for his shitty friend.

but he wasn’t.

Tae wanted to take up for a great friend. the man who was also a great husband for you. while he didn’t know the full details of the situation, he also knew that it wasn’t anything you guys couldn’t fix.

you guys weren’t perfect, this isn’t the first time you and namjoon have had a falling out. it would usually end with him on your living room couch and you strutting torturously around him in his t-shirt with nothing else underneath.

it didn’t end with him gone in some random city, doing who knows what and possibly with some women better than you. “ would he even be wrong?” you thought bitterly to yourself.

your heart burned, because deep down, you knew this was all your fault. thats right, you ran him away. yelling at him, screaming angrily, disrespectfully pushing him out your front door without a single word, without even letting him speak. he didn’t fight, he didn't protest…it was almost like he’d given up. he hasn’t called you or texted - hell you don’t think he even took his phone with him.

what you knew for sure was that he didn’t want contact with you, and he definitely wasn’t thinking about you. he was still attending his lectures at the university. you knew because , you’d over hear his students still complaining about the impossible professor kim. two even walking over to you, the current owner of the bookstore , jokingly pleading to get him to go easier on them. it immediately reminded you about when you first officially talked and how everything fell into place from there. it seemed all so perfect, from the first text - to the friendship you built and even to the moment he kicked Kai’s ass for you.

you scoffed ironically. it was currently that exact same day that Kim namjoon had promised he’d never make you feel like you weren’t enough for him. that he would spend everyday making you forget the all the pain you felt before. it was also the first time you two confessed your feelings for one another. your stomach dropped sickeningly, and the pained lump in your throat swelled.

oh god here came the tears again.

you let out an ugly sob in front of Tae, finally crumbling with your guarded mood “ he p-promised… ”. those words fell desperately from your lips while your arms hugged yourself. Tae springs into action and pulls you into a comforting hug. you rest your head on his shoulder trying to calm your lost breath the deep pain that engulfed your entire being.

another knock sounds on your door and hoseok pokes his head inside. “ everything alright?, I heard YN-” he pauses at your broken state. his eyes widening then rushing to the other side of you on the bed. he looked at you with the same sorrow as Taehyung did before and you sniffed, sitting up. normally hobi never held anything else but a smile on his face which prompted you to say “ Everything’s fine, hoseok don’t worry” . you smile but it doesn’t reach your eyes. he notices, because he wasn’t stupid..

“ y/n….” hoseok starts, “ you don’t have to- ….its okay to say you miss him..he’s your husband after all” he says very gently. they were walking on eggshells around you, trying not to trigger another episode like they did last week. you breath in deeply “ but…does he miss me?”

“of course he does noona- …y/n. more than you know. just give him time” Tae tells you, still holding you close. “yeah, hyung just needs to think. He’d never leave you” hobi said rubbing your back assuringly.

The tears came back again from his words “ but he did leave me…” you cried all over again. Hoseok rolled both of his lips and closed his eyes cringing from his fuck up. Tae shook his head at him “ he means- while namjoon may not be here..right now. He’s not leavingyou, leaving you y/n. I don’t think that man can live without you” .

You looked up ,puffy eyed with a wet face. The sight of both your closest friends sitting close beside you trying to cheer you up. You were glad they stayed behind with you because honestly you didn’t have much else. Yeah there was your family and maybe your best girl friend-but they didn’t know Joon the way you, tae, and hoseok did.

“Can we do something?, I don’t want to sit here anymore.” You mumble and both of them sat there staring at you shocked. A couple of days ago you could barley look at the two- now you wanted to go out? They didn’t know if that was good or bad, but they sure as hell weren’t going to disagree with you.

They glanced at each other before Tae smiled and turned back towards you.

“Okay, what do you want to do?”

2:33 pm

“Remember when we agreed to this? Yeah I regret that.” Hoseok groaned and you walked up to them in another form fitting dress. “ what about this?” You beam , twirling confidently in the silver silk material. It hugged your body tightly, falling just above the middle of your thighs and exposed the majority of your back.

A blush appeared on the male next to him and Hoseok swallowed - because he was pretty sure he was suppose to be admiring just how good the dress looked, not how good your ass looked in it. “ it's very beautiful noona, my favorite one so far ” Tae smiled, making your mood brighten even more. You look over to hobi for his confirmation and saw the pained look on his face.

You frown “ do you not like it? ”. You ask turning around once again. “Oh..” He took a deep breath, he was never comfortable having any attraction towards you- not when you were his best friend's wife. “ no it looks really great YN . But don’t you think we could do something else maybe?…you know?…guy friendly?” he laughed nervously, avoiding any type of eye contact with you. you look back at tae ,finally noticing the slight pink tinge that graced his features and his clamped legs.

your eyes widened a bit and you immediately caught wind of his insinuation. a blush now performing on your face and you turn rushing back into your dressing room. you take a deep breathe changing your clothes slowly, to prolong the awkward situation that was to come. you usually did this with namjoon, you would love how his eyes roamed hungrily over you- even when he didn’t think the outfit was cute. it wouldn’t have been long before you found him, sneaking his way in just to rub his hands all over you. you’d kick him out of course…

“joonie please there children in here!..” you giggled, from the feel of his lips brushing up on your ticklish neck. that sly, dimpled, smile would appear and he’d shamelessly cup your ass in the expensive material . “ Bullshit- this dressing room is completely empty” not that he cared anyway.

you missed him…

“I can’t look at you, get the hell out namjoon…!”

You winced and a sad smile left your face. Once you're done changing ,you begin making your way back over to the boys when you stop just around the corner. you could’ve sworn you heard a gasp followed by…..

“ Joon Hyung- Hi!” you hear Tae exclaim in surprise and your body instinctively glues itself to the wall separating you from them. “hey joon, long time no hear” hoseok chirped brightly along with him. you couldn’t hear a response which only lead you to believe that he must’ve called them.

“h-how….how is she?” was the only words that he could let out. He sat on the floor of his unknown housing. staring blankly at the ceiling fan as it spun around. he told himself he wouldn’t do this, it was only torture knowing that you were all by yourself and he wasn’t there.

Tae glanced up at the presumably empty hall of the fitting room.

“ she really misses you hyung-”

“When are you coming back?” Hoseok interrupts. He frowns and on the end namjoon does the same. “Soon…I think” he sighs

“ I called about YN, I can’t give you the answers for me right now ” he said Redirecting the conversation back to you. He needed to know everything happening with you , were you happy? , Were you sad?, How often did you cry? ,Did you even cry? , you were eating right? , are you still reading the newest book series he recommended you? , did you really miss him? , do you still love him? .

These questions kept running his mind over and over everyday. And yeah maybe he was being a bit over dramatic- of course you still loved him. He just didn’t know if you would ever forgive him. He never explained to you what happened , just let you get angry and kick him out. It was better that way , had you found out the reason he’s yet to come back , you’d never let him leave.

He hated whenever you two fought. It always left such an awkward space and you both were never used to it. of course you would eventually make up in your own ways, but Namjoon just didn't like it and neither did you. He could only imagine your heart break when you didn’t see him the next morning. Hoseok and Taehyung calling him and pleading for him to comfort his wife since you wouldn’t let them. The only one he briefed about the situation he’s in, was hoseok. He would have told taehyung had it not been that he would have completely broken for you and spilled everything.

His best friends voice rung in his ear, bringing him out of his thoughts “Right, cause it's wrong for your friends to be worried about you. Ok” hobi retorted and before joon could answer “ shes doing better. She's finally talking to us again. She's actually laughing? And smiling? y’know cause of me and tae... we’re okay too by the way , thanks for asking.” He finished irritation clear in his voice.

Namjoon always found it funny, how happy and upbeat the man was at all times until you really got under his skin. And right now Namjoon found himself bone deep.

“ I know you're angry hoseok, believe me I am too but I don’t know how else to go about this.” He spoke calmly , even after his friend took a more disrespectful tone with him. He couldn’t blame him, Both of them- They both cared for you and were always ready to kick the next guy’s ass who broke your heart, or anyone who tried to hurt you for that matter. Even if it meant their very own best friend and Namjoon was grateful for that.

“ how about actually telling her the truth” Tae suddenly piped up. Taking both you, joon, and hoseok by surprise.

Tae wasn’t one to talk to his hyungs out of disrespect but right now He could tell both Joon and hoseok knew something that he didn’t . Tae didn’t want to believe that. but for whatever reason he hasn’t returned home to you, was much more than him getting angry from you assuming he cheated on you.

After realizing his sudden outburst his confidence shrunk just a bit “ I- I don’t know , what the hell is going with you, but you can't keep YN in the dark for this long. She deserves to know why her husband isn't around right now” he said into the phone and looked carefully at hoseok’s shocked expression.

“Tae…” Namjoon spoke.

“ you promised her.” He paused “ You told Noona that you would never make her feel the way she felt with kai and you’re right, because whatever you're doing it's making her feel worse Hyung” he mumbled the last part, already imagining how angry Namjoon must be from from his words. But he wasn’t , in fact it only made him sadder because maybe his best friend’s were right. Although, taehyung comparing his actions with Kai’s did sting more than the blonde intended them to.

“O-okay.” He said finally said a long awaited pause. “ I’ll talk to her just please give me a little more time, until then take care of her for me” he hung up before the both of them could protest. Namjoon got up from the floor- taking one more swig of the bottled alcohol before finding his coat and making his way out of the house.

Both Tae and hoseok sat in complete disbelief. “ you’re telling me everything when we leave” tae whispered to hoseok. all he could do was pierce his lips and nod in agreement. After a couple of minutes passed by , taehyung was starting to worry about you…

“ Noona! Are you almost ready?” Tae suddenly called out , startling you. Your heart quickening and you tried to fix yourself . You stepped around the corner meeting both the happy faces of taehyung and hoseok. Although those smiles didn’t last long when they noticed the stream of hot tears running out of your bloodshot eyes.

Oh fuck.

No….

They both thought. Hoseok gave tae a side glance before looking back to you. “ everything alright YN?” He asked cautiously. No… that's what you wanted to say, but instead you nod. “ yeah” you sniffed, suddenly picking at your fingers “ just feeling drained” you lied wiping them away. Without looking at the two , your figure walked straight pass them and out of the fitting room chamber. “ lets go get some coffee huh?” You smiled and they silently but warily followed you out of the store.

How could they have lied to you?

4:23 pm

Namjoon slowly made his entrance in the small cafe. His body tensing and his mood was anything but friendly. He didn't want to be there, and he didn't want to see the woman that was currently waiting all the way in the back for him. He spotted her, a newly cut bob , a pair of black shades, and a long black coat to match. Could she be anymore obvious?

“ You’re not doing anything wrong joon” he sighs muttering to himself.

He then made his way over and stood behind the seat in front of her. She looks up at him, or so he assumed behind those shades. “ you actually came?” She spoke , voice cracking just a little. She bit her lip , watching him hesitantly sit down and mumble “ why am I here?” . He didn’t have time for this , everything that was happening he just wanted to get it over with. The faster he gets this done the faster he could finally go back to you.

The woman looks at him and saw how miserable Namjoon looked.

“Are you just going to stare or are you going to start explaining yourself?” He rose a brow. She flinched a bit from his attitude “please I asked for your help because im trying to run from that kind of treatment Namjoon” she spoke softly and he immediately felt like crap. “ …im sorry Mina…its just, being away from YN so long kind of has me in a really bad mood lately” he looked down saddened.

YN.

She was well aware of your name, it was one her monster of a husband compared her to for years. It wasn’t long after the whole scene between you four at the movies, she found her husband speaking you up more often. Before he’d never mentioned you, only ever telling her that the last girl he dated just wasn't ‘wife material’ . She didn't know he was engaged and sure as hell didn’t know it was to you.

Over the years he’d gotten , angrier , colder, meaner and soon her love for him had died underneath all that. He regretted his actions towards you ,that she could tell. There were times where she would catch him on your online profile or even attempting to contact you through text only to delete it completely and then turn to drinking. Eventually his recent actions had ended aggressively towards her when she finally confronted him about it.

She filed for divorce and was now relying on Namjoon’s help in testifying against Kai. Why Namjoon? Well that was easy. First and foremost, because Kai hated him with a passion and why wouldn’t he?

He was in his place by your side, in kai’s head Namjoon had swooped in and stole you from him. Second because Namjoon was a number one witness to how much of an asshole his old friend is. And last but not least- because he was your husband. It was really you she wanted to talk to, but namjoon would never let that happen. Although Namjoon was completely sure you are in love with him and would never leave him for your ex, the last thing he needed was for you to be caught between that marriage.

So when Mina found herself faced with Namjoon at your apartment’s front door, she was a little more than disappointed.

“ you're not going to put YN in the middle of that” Namjoon scoffed in disbelief.

“I didn't ask you now did I?” Mina protested and crossed her arms. She turned on her heel ready to leave “ I’ll just come find her another time” she said walking away and Namjoon stood thinking for a good second before he thought of another solution. you weren't getting into that, not when you’ve already come so far. “…wait!” She stopped suddenly when he yelled for her to.

She turned back around arching a brow “If you really need a witness that bad Ill help- but you won’t tell anyone what I'm doing with you, especially not YN” he says finally, but there was another untold proposition waiting. She thinks for a second “ and what is it you want in return?” She finally asks. Namjoon frowns before a wicked glint appears in his eyes.

which lead the both of them there in the diner. Mina smiled at him sweetly, slightly adoring his devotion towards you. “ YN was smart falling in love with you over kai” she said softly.

“ she really dodged a bullet I can say that.” She sighs.

“... I didn’t really give her much of a choice” he chuckles and so does she,but bitterly. she then reaches for her glasses, taking them off.

Namjoon felt sorrow the second he saw the purple bruised flesh of her eye. “ You're a sweet girl Mina- you didn’t deserve how he treated you” he said quietly.

She just looks at him, swallowing all the anger and sadness she had inside “ isn't it funny?…I'm sure when YN saw us together, she probably wanted nothing but to rip my head off. Strange that at some point I wanted to do the same” she confessed tears brimming her eyes. namjoon however tensed a bit from words, his fists clenching and back stiffening. was she saying shes a threat to you?

Mina noticed and raised her hands up slightly “ listen ...yes at some point through my marriage . I wanted to hurt her. I wanted YN to disappear -to make him forget the girl that ‘broke his heart’… but it took me awhile to get that she wasn't the reason my marriage fell apart. My husband was.” A tear slipped out her eye and down her face.

Namjoon nodded understanding her pain. He knew what it felt like to love someone while their mind was filled with another. It's almost like what he went through with you over kai. He looked down at her fidgeting fingers, noticing that her ring was completely gone now. Oh how he hoped you would never do the same.

You.

that's what his mind kept going back to, even while he was talking to her. So Joon couldn’t help but ask what he’d come to hear this whole time “ Mina, please tell me ..did you-“

“Win?” She finished for him with a straight face and he gulped. “…yes, I did” she smiled brightly. the man had visibly sagged back in relief before standing up and hugging the girl so hard he nearly knocked her and her chair over.

She won!…which meant joon didn’t have to hide ...which meant he gets to see you-

“Joonie?”

5:12 pm

Maybe it was the way your body was visibly stiffened as you walk, maybe it was your fists being clutched tightly at your side, or maybe it was that you hadn't uttered a single word to the boys after leaving the store.

yup you were mad.

Although strangely you stayed calm and both tae and hoseok could tell it was just a matter of time before you exploded. all of you walked down the side of the streets when they finally decided to say something.

“ she heard us- you know she did” tae whispered low so that only hoseok could hear. Hoseok looked to the front of them watching your figure strut slow but passionately. “ you think I can’t see that Taehyung? You think im not currently pissing my pants for when shes going to go off on us?” Hoseok nearly exclaimed.

“The woman suggested to get coffee tae….she hates coffee-yah! ” he yelped, heart beating even faster once he notices you stop abruptly, you spoke with a dangerously low voice and your back turned to them “ you know it's one thing for you to notice im angry, it’s another for you to talk about it behind my back ``. both Tae and hoseok , brace themselves for what was about to come.

“ why? why didn’t you tell me you could get in contact with him?” you then asked.

hoseok started “ YN, he didn’t want us to tell you-”

“he? , what about me?… what about my feelings in this?. why did no one think I needed to know where the love of my life is hiding - or what he’s up to?” you turn towards them. rage like fire burning within your eyes as you go off “ Maybe I was right not to trust you two!… maybe I should have shut you out like I did before. I was so stupid to think you would understand me, that you would help me!” you finished yelling , while the two stood there letting you lay into them shamefully.

“ noona-”

you meet Tae with a stern look, giving him warning. for once he actually rolled his eyes towards you, which riddled you shocked “ YN, I know you’re mad- but you’re being unreasonable! that phone call was the first I received from Joon hyung since he left. I don't know anything happening with him or what he’s up to. I can be here for you , protecting you and trying to cheer you up but its not my job to fix the problem between you and him.” he sighed wearily.

hoseok nodded in agreement before stepping towards you and pulling you into a big hug. “ we love you YN, but you’ve got to understand that were just two bystanders, here to support Namjoon and you. if we didn’t understand , me and tae wouldn’t be taking turns staying over, making sure that you eat, or at least that you have someone around. we want to help, but we can’t do that if you don't trust us” he pulled back to see the same teary eyed YN he’d been used to seeing lately.

“So im overreacting? Is that what you're saying?” You ask in a small voice and not meeting hoseok’s eyes.

It was tae ‘s turn to step to you “ no , you have the right to be mad YN, maybe we’re just not the ones you should be angry at…” he commented. Hoseok looked at him, his eyes wide as ever. He couldn't tell what the hell hadn’t gotten into Taehyung lately. But in the meantime he did calm the situation.

After all that , the three of you had ditched the idea of coffee and decided to get you some ice-cream. You were making your way down the sidewalk when you glanced inside one of the shops you were passing. Your body halts and all the breath in your lungs had suddenly left you paralyzed.

Taehyung, not looking, had collided into you, while hoseok had only made a few more steps before noticing your state. “YN everything alright-?” Hoseok asked you, but you didn’t hear him. Everything was in slow motion and you turned making your way inside of the tiny cafe.

The sound of a screeching chair and the tall figure that was only mere feet away from you , is the only thing you could find yourself focusing on. You looked at him and realized how right Tae was, they weren’t who you were angry at. It was a married man in a cafe, hugging the same woman you’d caught him sneaking with a couple nights ago.

He looked- happy.Excited even. No doubt the woman was just telling him something he wanted to hear. His breathing was heavy and your heart sank when his dimpled smile disappeared the moment he noticed you behind him.

“Joonie?”

“Oh. Fuck” he clearly commented, mostly to himself before jumping away from the woman like she was fire. You scoff in hurt and take a step back as he tried to step toward you “ YN? ….what are you-?.. baby I promise you this isn’t what it looks like”.

“ don't bother promising anything when you can't keep them Namjoon” you spat immediately and He winced from hearing his full name come out your mouth.

No , he only liked when you called him Joonie.

You shake your head in disbelief, eyes landing back on the girl who now looked oddly familiar…

They widen and you can't help but look back to joon - tears immediately crashing down your face “ oh…you’ve got to be joking….” You say low at first, but when you reach closer to the similar details of her face- irony had smacked you right in yours.

“ ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS NAMJOON? MINA?!?” You yelled before clenching your teeth. you started towards him hands tightened when both boys grabbed your arms.

“YN STOP!”

“Noona please!”

tae and hoseok tried to calm you, they tried to bring you back down before you did something you’d regret. You shrugged the two boys off of you “both of you shut the hell up!” You sneered while speed walking over to your ‘husband’ .

Namjoon saw this and held up his hands in surrender to you “YN, listen to me-”

You were so angry you saw red and you weren’t thinking clearly. It was too late before you realized and you couldn't stop your right hand from connecting with Namjoon’s cheek. A loud smack rang throughout the coffee shop, causing everyone around to go silent.

“My ex-fiancee wasn’t enough , so you went after my husband?” You glared at her. You couldn’t believe you ever felt bad for her. Mina shrinks back from you a bit but her stare goes right back to the man in front of you.

Namjoon-stunned from the sudden assault looked back up at you for what felt like 10 regretful minutes. You’ve never put your hands on him.ever. Neither had he to you. So it didn’t shock you when you saw that his eyes began to water just a bit. What did shock you however was the cold look that took its place immediately.

Oh my god, what have you done? You thought to yourself. Your hands were suddenly shaky and you found yourself rambling on with excuses “Joon ...I-I…Im so sorry- I was just so angry!. I mean how could you choose her over me? After everything you knew I went through? Was I really not enough for you?…I could’ve been better ...you should have told me.” Your voice shook with every word and every sentence had only made Namjoon angrier.

God if you thought you were angry -it was nothing compared to how namjoon felt. He was livid, but he wasn’t going to show it here. No Namjoon wasn’t going to make more of a scene you had already caused.

So he didn’t. Instead he turned around to Mina, with a stoic expression plastered on his face. Mina herself gulped, because the last time she’d seen him so worked up he’d ended up Kicking her husband’s ass with only a few punches. Something even told her that not even you haven't seen your own husband as angry he is.

“I think our business here is done. I'm sorry you went through that, glad to help as much as I could.” He said to her through a emotionless voice.

Mina nodded, flashing a quick smile to him before landing her gaze back to you. You frowned and it only deepened when her stare turned icy, matching yours when joon turned away from her. She could only envy how lucky you were to have a man as amazing as him.

“Hoseok…Tae…” Namjoon called breaking both of their trances. They simultaneously answer him ‘yes’, avoiding any eye contact with you. “ you guys can head home” he starts and you flinch when his arm wraps gently around your waist to walk the both of you out of the cafe.

“I can handle it from here”

7:46 pm

“I can handle it from here”

Joon smiled down at you who was struggling to lock the store’s back door. You were in the middle of a mini-mental breakdown, when your husband appeared from upstairs and offered to take over. “ Joonie!” you greeted before blushing . “ I uh…couldn't get the door to close” you let out a nervous laugh and stepped back leaving a space for him to come between.

“ you have me come lock this for you all the time- I don't know how you still get nervous to ask” he chuckled before bracing his hands on one of the handles. His arms stiffened, pushing forward while pressuring the door inwards. He lifts it up just a bit and “ Ta-Da!….once again” Joon forces the door in place. “My big strong hero” you beam standing up on your toes, pecking the cute dimple on his cheek and then his lips.

The memory plays in your mind when you realize you weren’t in your bookstore and that that had been the last time a good moment happened between you two. instead you were currently seated in Namjoon’s car driving right past the very place. The silence wasn’t awkward, though it was anything but comfortable. Every now and then you would glance Over to your husband to find him glaring permanently down the road. His hands wrapped tightly around his steering wheel when he makes a left down an unfamiliar road.

You frown ,looking out your side to see stores and homes you’ve never passed before. You then look back over to your husband “ this isn’t our way home…” you say but each word got weak the moment his hard eyes looked your way. You swallowed, your stomach turning from the multiple emotions of your husband’s attitude. You cross your legs and suddenly your fingers looking very interesting. Okay now the silence was awkward and uncomfortable.

“Not going home” he muttered “ If we go home , those two will come bother us” . He then glanced at you eyes no longer livid but there was definitely another intimidating emotion within them “ I don’t want anyone interrupting us”

“Where are you taking me namjoon?” You asked nervously. You just couldn’t help it, normally you’d follow him anywhere -no hesitation and no questions. Albeit that was when you had trust for him and he was never this angry with you.

Namjoon himself , noticed this. he was used to whisking you off somewhere, always surprising you with little romantic dates or just small getaways and You’d sit peacefully beside him, smiling like crazy because you knew exactly what kind of evening was in store. But now you were timid , shrinking back the second he even looked your way. He doesn’t answer you, refusing to talk to you anymore than he already did and for the umpteenth time that evening your heart sunk in your chest.

Eventually, he pulls up to a new location and you do as he does, getting out of the car. You then follow him up a driveway and through a path of a comfortable white house. It wasn’t small but it also wasn't too big -a whole family could definitely live in it.

“Joon who’s house is this?” You ask ,stopping suddenly in your tracks. You’ve never seen or heard of this house before, but it was beautiful. You hadn’t even walked inside and you immediately fell in love with it. namjoon takes out his keys to open the door, ignoring your question. He unlocks it , standing aside patiently, in which you assumed it was for you to go in.

Its dark. All the lights were off you very faintly make out all the objects that was probably making up the living area. You noticed the picture sitting at a table near the big white couch on your left. You aim for it, Hands picking it up so gently and that's when the lights come on.

You gasp.

“Do you like it?” You suddenly hear your husband’s voice. You turn to him behind you , he stood leaning back on the door ,arms crossed, eyes not longer cold but warily hopeful.

“I-“ you look back down to the picture of you and him on your wedding day. It was you gazing up loving at him in your white wedding dress, while one of his hands cupped your cheek ready to kiss his bride. Your eyes began to water…

“I don’t know what's happening, why is our picture here?” You looked at him confused. What was he trying to do?

“4 years ago today, I told you how deeply in love I am with you ...how perfect you are for me. I promised you that I would never make you feel like you weren’t enough….it seems I somehow managed to break that” he bites his lip “ YN despite everything thats happened, I don't feel any different and I never did. You're still perfect to me… I didn’t cheat on you.”

Namjoon walks up to you but slowly “ this house is for us. I bought it about a year ago, these past few weeks I was here getting it furnished, but it's not the only reason I was gone” he finally reaches you grabbing both your hands in his and you hesitate a bit. He breathes “ Mina and Kai are divorced…a few weeks ago she came to ask you for help. You weren’t home so I told her no for you. Instead I took your place”

He saw you getting ready to protest but quickly explains his reason “ I didn’t want you in the middle of that. I don’t know if you remember but you were the one that was affected most by their marriage. I didn’t want all those years of you rebuilding yourself to go to waste if you got involved. So in return, I asked for her to help with the house - our house. Also…I just -I guess a little part of me was scared you’d pounce on the chance of kai being single again.”

And with that ,You rip hands away immediately “pounce on him?, namjoon why would I leave the perfect guy for the exact opposite?” You wanted to yell at him. You just couldn't understand how he could still feel like you would choose someone like kai over him. He looked down and for a good second he looked like he wanted to cry again. Your animosity towards him began to die down when he utters his next words.

“Im sorry but im not perfect YN- look what I did to you, I made you so sad that you don't trust me anymore, I made you so angry y-you actually hit me.” He said so low but you heard loud enough as if he yelled it. You shake your head ,regret and a lot of guilt flowing through you.

He blamed himself …for your ignorance.

“I shouldn’t have done that - no matter how angry I was - joonie I shouldn’t have hit you.” You walk up to him wrapping your arms around his waist while he stood still in your embrace, your head resting comfortably on his chest and you could hear how fast his heart was beating. Still just for you…

“I am so ...so sorry namjoon. I don't care if you cheat on me with 5 girls. I will never put my hands on you again. I was wrong, not you” your emotions poured out of you and you hoped he would forgive you.

“We were both wrong” he concluded, engulfing you in an even bigger hug than you were giving him. “And we’re both not perfect” you retorted. The both of you stood there, embracing long awaited warmth of each other.

“How long has it been since I’ve held you in my arms like this?” He mumbles with his cheek pressed to the top of your head.

“Too long…” you reply bitterly before looking up to his eyes. There is a slight pause just before his lips touch down gently to yours in a sweet kiss. At first there is no tongue, no aggressiveness- just a slow passion of finally having you all to himself again. When he feels you relax into him, he then deepens the kiss. hugging you tighter and letting out a long groan of satisfaction.

After nearly five minutes of making out , he pulls away from you, breathing heavily and leaving you in a euphoric daze. “ I want to start a family….” he huffs out and you snap back into reality immediately.

“W-what?” You swallow.

“ this house…I didn’t just get it because I wanted it for you and me YN. I.. wanted it for us and our kids” he looks around the room roaming over the cream colored walls and then back you.

The smile on his face then falters and you guessed it was because your’s was emotionless.

“YN? …babe please say something-“ he tries but you stop him.

“ no, no - just give me a second” you swallow once again to let your brain process everything this man was telling you. He bought this house for you, you and him, your family. A loving warmth grows in your heart when you remember the words he said to you 4 years ago.

“I can give you everything, if you let me”

“So let me get this straight. “ you started “You didn’t cheat on me, you bought this house, and you want little copies of us” you motioned between the two of you “-two adult fuck up-running around said house?” You nearly squeaked.

“Oh my god , you’re serious?” You say incredulously with a wry smile etched into your face.

Namjoon bites back his. “ im serious about everything I say when it comes to you YN” his hands fell on your hips and he pulls you closer, letting you feel just how serious he was.

And boy was he.

Your thighs instantly clamp together. Just the thought of him getting hard from the idea of you having his kids , makes you yourself wet. “So..when did you want to start?” You lick your lips , mouth suddenly feeling dry. The loving gaze he’d once had set on you turning into a dark one.

he leans in, making your faces only inches apart “Oh you know , anytime you want really. It could be next week…..tomorrow-” he pecks your lips , nipping at the bottom one before tugging on it between his own “right now” he says huskily, already backing up into what you assume was the white couch.

He falls back bringing you with him and you yelp before giggling in surprise. It doesn’t last long when he lifts your lips to his in heated kiss. You crawl up on him , straddling him so that your clothed heat pushes against his erection. He moans softly , already tugging on the bands of your pants impatiently.

You pulled back , reaching for his shirt and he sits up slightly to pull it over his head. Namjoon then falls back down running his hands up your thighs and finally reaching your shirt to do the same and then your bra. He brings you back into him , attacking you with his mouth, leading slowly down your neck. He stops just above where your shoulder connects and nearly pouts that the last mark has disappeared. Oh well he could change that…

He kisses the spot but only to suck on it hard , releasing a satisfied moan from you. “Joonie…” you breathed loudly, your hands run through his hair when his head dips lower repeating the same process down the valley of your breasts. The grip he has on your ass tightens and he didn’t think he could wait much longer.

Namjoon stands, his hands flying for the button of your jeans and you let him tug them gently down your legs along with your underwear. He pecks your inner thigh and you watch him breathless when he rises to undo his own. No matter how many times you had been together you always find yourself mesmerized whenever your husband’s thick length springs free from his briefs.

His body crashes into yours and before you could process what was happening - he’d already had you pinned down into the couch with him on top of you “ wait right here? On this couch?” You paused heart beating faster than before when it dawned on you just exactly where you and namjoon were about to try for a baby. “YN, its our house I can fuck you wherever I want” he chuckles but underneath his humor, you see how uncomfortably ready he was to continue.

He hadnt had sex in weeks so the last thing he needed was you asking him questions about your actions in a new area. “You sure the owner won't be mad at us?” You teased him , lifting your hips just a bit to nudge yourself on him. He exhales dipping his hips for more pressure “he insists” he says finally.

“ okay” you whisper before parting your thighs wider for him . He braces one hand by your head , kissing you slowly while his cock begins to slide into you the same. He stretches you, filling your pussy all the way even surpassing your g spot and your back arches “y-yes, god yes!” you cry out in pleasure while his hips pull back before snapping harshly into you. He repeats this multiple times , pulling out all the way before fucking deep into you with one swift motion. Each stroke gave you so much pleasure and each one taking your breath away.

This was when you realized he was making love to you. Taking his time to show you just how much he missed you .“ I promise I’ll never stay away that long again baby- fuuck- you feel even better than before” he praises you , landing another powerful thrust and you head flys back. “Angh….joon…angh deeper please!” you begged him , hips bucking to his trying to coax him into going a bit fast . But he doesn't - he continues to take slow controlled thrusts- even lifting your left leg during the process.

This goes on for a while and you could feel your release ready to hit you any moment. Namjoon could tell you were close and so was he. He swirled his hips stroking just a bit faster to feel your legs begin to shake and your tight walls clamp around him. “ Joon -oh …faster!” You writhed under him needing the friction.

“ fuck me faster please -im so close…..so so close!” Your head shoots for the crook of his neck when the familiar sweet burn erupts from pit of your core and fires all over your body. It shakes you and you buck uncontrollably while your eyes roll back in pleasure. Your nails digging deep into his shoulder blades and namjoon thrusts a few more times before his equally as powerful release shoots into you at an alarming rate.

“Fuck YN !, fuck baby I love you so much” he breathes, finally collapsing on top of you from the most intense orgasms you’d ever had. He slips out of you and you whimper “I love you too joonie”

he stays resting between your legs. It feels like hours go by with the both you lying peacefully still and exhausted by each other. Namjoon’s head lays comfortably on your bare chest when he speaks “ if we have a girl…I hope she looks just like you” he mumbled. You smile and you heart flutters the man’s words . You thought if you had a son you did want him to just take his father’s looks.

“ If we have a boy…I hope he’s just as perfect as you”

[bat-to-da-robs]

Heyo [name redacted]. I've composed a very long expose (I use the word ironically, of course 🤣) on The Trans Stuff(tm). Just to give you some background, if you want it. If this is how things are done (they don't really cover coming out in the NT social skills books, unfortunately for me. I've been floundering for the past 18 yrs).

If whatever I end up writing is too long for any feasible attention span, I respect that 🙂.

1) I grew up in a Christian household. There are a lot of things my parents are uncomfortable with when it comes to me. The autism is one of them. I came out as gay at 12, because I didn't know what being trans was. They weren't comfortable with that. They weren't comfortable with the trans bit either when that came to light when I was ~14.

I don't blame them for it, but I do carry a hell of a lot of shame around it that I might not have in different circumstances. It's one of the reasons I really struggle to come out. Even though I know your political beliefs, and was basically 100% sure you'd be chill, I still worry irrationally, you know?

2) did you know, that you're significantly more likely to be trans if you're autistic, and vice versa? I'll send you through a link to a study on that in the next text, if you're interested.

My dad was very happy when he found this out, because to him, it meant that my transness wasn't real. It was just my autism tricking me, and I was too mentally disabled to notice.

That was a tough one to work through.

Every person has masks, right? We all put on different personalities for different circumstances. Some people are just more aware of this than others.

You're autistic, I'm sure you'll get it. At least for me, the idea of being 'fully' myself, or even marginally relaxed in a social situation is laughable.

I hurt people when I was a kid, yknow? I was a know it all. I was selfish/self-absorbed. I was cruel. All without my intention!! I didn't know I was autistic! I didn't know that I was breaking social rules and upsetting people left right and center. But I was. And as such, (as overly dramatic as this sounds outside of my head, omg), I have to mask socially. Both for people to take me seriously, and to insure that I don't hurt/belittle/disregard others.

But I value this nebulous concept of 'the truth.' (I know this is an autistic trait, but sometimes I get tired of patholagising every aspect of my personality). But I'm autistic and I'm queer. And, at least in my black and white mind, that leaves me feeling like I'm 'lying' every time I mask. So I feel guilty (to differing extents) every time I interact with people.

Because I have an 'autistic' mask that I wear when I'm with my autistic friends. And, in my opinion, it's way less effort to perform that mask than some of my others. But maybe 70% of the time I'm actually performing my NT (or more NT anyway) role.

And then I'm like. Am I lying to the people I 'NT it up' for, cuz that one feels less authentic? Or am I lying to you, because that's a mask I wear less often?

And then you add the trans bit into the mix and I feel like I'm stuck always lying. And always making people uncomfortable. And always being too much.

There are a lot of people who are proud of their queer identities. I am. Ish. I like the fact that it's made me way more empathetic. It dragged me kicking and screaming out of a really intense brand of Christianity. It's introduced me to the beautiful and fascinating complexity of the human condition.

If I could change it? I'd think about it, pretty heavily, but at the end of the day, I would change it. If I could be cis/straight? In fact, even if I could possibly be allistic?

I'd do it.

God, it would make life so much easier for my family. I break their hearts like this. And that, in turn, breaks mine.

4) I'm autistic. I know first hand that autistics can have incredibly rich internal lives, can be philosophical. (Not to be overly self-aggrandizing but) Can be very intelligent.

I'm educated about autism. About what it means. About how it doesn't make me lesser, even though I may look more 'stupid' on my bad days.

And even I struggle to believe myself with these two really confronting conditions (autism and transness). I often fall into the trap of thinking I'm just stupid, or attention seeking, or fooling myself cuz I have nothing better to do.

If I, a person who is deeply educated on this topic/this intersection, often can't stomach it, what hope do random strangers have?

I've seen people react so badly to me in the past, over and over and over again. Just decide I'm too much. For them. For their kids. And they go from liking me to ghosting me.

I'm no social expert, but I'm intimately acquainted with what disgust looks like on a person's face.

Or not even disgust. Just. That they know better than me. They know I'm just confused. They know I'm just young, looking for attention.

They know I'm making a grave mistake.

I hate when I can look at one of my friends' lives, and think I can see very clearly what's wrong, but I can't tell them, because they won't listen to me.

I hate that other people feel the same way about me.

I hate the certainty I get, clawing in my gut (oof, gotta love cliches), that they're right, and I'm too stupid to actually know anything about myself.

5) I don't want to be trans. I really don't. I try so hard to be a non-confrontational person. And I've landed on what feels like one of the more contentious issues in our current times. Everyone seems to have an 'opinion' on trans people. I dunno why I put that in scare quotes. It seemed appropriate.

Life's confusing enough. And people look down on autistics and on trans people. I swear, I'd be alright with one of them. Two's too much.

6) I don't have the money to transition. I don't have the time to transition. I don't have the family approval required to transition. I don't have the self-acceptance required to transition.

I don't have the stamina to keep living in this horrible fucking shell long term. I don't have the stamina to stay in limbo, feeling like I'm perpetually waiting for my life to start, stuck in a never ending preliminary.

I'm terrified of transitioning. The idea of staying as I am terrifies me too.

I'm on antidepressants. I wonder if one day, they won't be enough to keep this all at bay.

---

Boom. Some ramblings.

So this is all the stuff that came up, when you saw my name on my door.

I'm not very good at being trans. I don't have a prepared answer to what name/ pronouns you should use with which people. I don't know how to come out. I don't know how to ask for support. I don't even know what support I want.

I'm sick, and I'm tired, and I'm lonely, and I get really fucking bored of my stupid fucking masks, but I have no idea what's underneath.

This got way more emo than I expected. Daaamn. Thought I outgrew the eyeliner and the 'you don't understand me mom!!' vibes.

I thought I'd gotten over the 'I don't know who I am and I feel like I'm constantly tricking everyone including myself' shtick years ago.

Ah well. What would early adulthood be without a little identity related angst?

And I'm actually done rambling now. Thanks for sitting through it.

[gaynoctgar]

Thoughts about Prompto’s arc in “Brotherhood”

The real title, for now, is something like “Prompto being formerly fat was not even remotely necessary and was offensively handled” or “Haley rants about Brotherhood because it’s so fatphobic”

TW: eating disorders, fatphobia.  

It’s also incredibly long, but I really want to share my thoughts.

Update: 10-4-2018: inspired by comments and tags, I added more examples of dialogue that exemplifies the problem

Update: 22-4-2018: accounting for the new “official profiles”...it got worse, everyone.

Oh Prompto.  Prompto Argentum.  My beloved, sweet, beautiful bi boy who could have had a much more satisfying arc.  They really tried, didn’t they?  They tried to give you a touching backstory and instead exposed their fatphobia.  And as for the bi part, well, that’s another essay in and of itself....stay tuned everyone. 

Yes, this is one of those posts.  That’s why I put all of this under a “Keep reading.”  It’s just something that has been subtly bothering me for a long time and I thought I’d give this short essay format a try.  There will be a TL;DR at the end, I suppose, but please read through this if you are interested in this aspect that I feel is both underexplored and overexploited about my most favorite character in anything ever.

A bit about myself before we begin: I am rather chubby.  I’m 5’4” (162cm) and 220 lbs (100 kg), and I have struggled off and on with eating disorders since I was in high school.  I do realize this makes me “obese,” but this essay isn’t about that.  Rather, it is about how fatness and obesity is often portrayed in media as a character flaw, or something to overcome, and my own feelings about why this is harmful. To be clear, I want to make two major points with this: 1) Prompto being “formerly fat” is not something that was even remotely necessary for his character arc and its inclusion and resolution are nothing short of fatphobic and; 2) the fact that Prompto receives his character development via losing weight in Brotherhood is emblematic of every problem I have with how media chooses to include fat people.

These points are incredibly intertwined, so let’s start by exploring what was intended by the episode.  I want to be clear and demonstrate that I fully understand what the episode intended to show, and I will continue to acknowledge what the likely intent was.  This essay/rant is critiquing the execution.

If the point of Brotherhood was to suggest that Prompto had a lonely childhood until he met Noctis, that’s great!  I understand that that’s what Brotherhood was showing.  HOWEVER. I have been sickened, from the moment I saw his episode, with how his journey to lose weight was correlated with his journey to “be good enough” to be Noct’s friend.  Let me be clear.  I understand that we are supposed to interpret this as a character flaw on Prompto’s part, and we see in the gayest scene the rooftop motel scene that losing weight did not resolve Prompto’s self-confidence.  I know that.  What I am saying is that him losing weight was in no was necessary to include, at least not in the way that they did.  There are some ugly implicit implications here, not least of which is that eating nothing but salads is, I would argue, just as unhealthy as what he was doing before. The show treats it as a positive good that Prompto appears to be starving himself and thinking obsessively about losing weight, and that is what I am taking issue with.

I, personally, detest the “formerly fat” trope and all its incarnations.  Wouldn’t it simply have been enough to say that Prompto was painfully shy (he was) and very lonely (he was)?  Why do these feelings have to be justified via his body?  Was there no other way you could justify Prompto simply being too shy to talk to Noct? Noct’s the prince, Prompto is a commoner who feels that he’s nothing particularly special…would this not have been enough?  Doing it the way that they did implies that being fat is a moral and character flaw that needs to be corrected in order for you to be seen as a hero. That is what I am taking issue with.

And yes, I realize that the “weight loss journey” is jump-started by the fact that babby Noct says “heavy…” when trying to help Prompto to his feet.  Believe me, I understand first-hand how much that hurts. I faced many similar instances in my own life.  I can’t blame him for saying it, he’s a kid, but I do want to point out that Noct never apologizes for this.  You could say “he didn’t realize he was wrong” but maybe you could have had a scene where Noct wonders why the cute boy with the camera is avoiding him, and Ignis can say something like “well, did you do or say anything that might have upset him?” and Noct can actually apologize for hurting Prompto’s feelings.  This is not unreasonable to expect.  When I was a kid and people were avoiding me, my mom always asked me to think back on why that might be.  It’s part of growing up and learning that your words and actions have consequences.

TO BE FAIR: I do think the motel scene was an attempt to rectify all of this in the game.  While Prompto formerly being fat is not explicitly mentioned, he is mortified that Noct remembers him back in elementary school.  Now, I love Noct, but he’s stupid sometimes, and not very intuitive. This is, however, in his character, and I will allow it because the very next thing he says is “You should have said something sooner.”  This shows Prompto (and the audience) that Noct doesn’t give two shits about how Prompto looks, now or ever, and I am happy that this was included.  However, there is no given reason behind why Noct couldn’t simply talk to Prompto himself beforehand.  Like I said, Noct is an idiot, and also a lot more shy and awkward than he lets on. But this moment was sweet between them, even if you don’t ship promptis, and I do think it is fair to mention it.

However, coupling all of this with the fact that the “character sheets” show us that Prompto does, canonically, have a fear of gaining weight, as well as these little snippets of dialogue…

Prompto: Hey, let’s hit up the Crow’s Nest!

Ignis: If you wish to put on weight? Certainly.

Prompto: *sighs* Yeah, I know…

(I swear to god every time I get this dialogue I SCREAM at Ignis, how is this even remotely okay to say to your friend who you damn well know has problems with his weight and there’s no way you don’t know this--)

EDIT: The addition of this quote is based on the tags from @gentiuna, I knew I was forgetting something!

Noct: Why is your face so fat?

Prompto: I’m NOT fat!!

(I swear to Jesus you’re on thin fucking ice with me Noct, that’s not even remotely funny and you need a time out to think about what you’ve done--)

This one I have only gotten once in my ~400 hrs of play but I swear I didn’t make it up; if anyone finds the specific words, I will correct it:

Ignis: talks about food and how it’s “anything your heart wants” or something

Prompto: Yeah, it’s the wanting that’s the problem.

I think this was intended to be a nod to Brotherhood but (and @bernielu can back me up on this) I SCREAMED when I heard it. How is that REMOTELY okay?  Nobody even REACTS to this, or asks if Prompto is okay, or ask him why the FUCK he would say that.  

This is when it becomes pertinent, I think, to discuss my own experience with eating disorders.  I have wonderful friends and family, and I’m well on the road to recovery, but back when I was in high school, I just straight up wouldn’t bring food to lunch.  Retroactively, I realize they all brought extra, hoping I would get just hungry enough to pick at the scraps (I usually did), and that was their way of helping me and showing me that they cared.  It can be hard to want food sometimes.  As offensive as I find its inclusion, I do think that’s an accurate way of representing how it can feel: you know that food is good, and you know that you are hungry, but it’s wanting to eat it that’s a problem.  Here’s my issue: that should have raised everyone’s red flags, and the fact that nobody, NOT EVEN NOCT, WHO WE CAN EXPECT TO KNOW ABOUT THIS, says ANYTHING about this, and the game writes it off as another one of its Infamous Banters ™….it’s not looking great.  It’s not looking like representation, to me.  It’s looking like erasure and fatphobia.  

Babby Prompto is supposed to be viewed with pity but also, I think, with disdain: by the audience and by Prompto himself.  I’ve noticed in many fics that the fans like to almost romanticize this aspect of him, and explore that he has an eating disorder which is…I don’t’ like it because most of these fics come to the same conclusion: Prompto ends up skinny anyway and it’s just a quirk about him.  This is what I meant when I said that I feel this is overexploited, earlier in the essay, but also underdeveloped in the sense that they basically, in my opinion, show this as something that Prompto had to “get over” to be a real protagonist. They don’t go into how fucked up Prompto’s psyche must be from this.  It’s just kinda…ignored.  

UPDATE 22-4-2018: I’ve got to get this off my chest, the new “Official Works Profile” for Prompto made all of this worse.  It literally outright states that, after rescuing Pryna, Prompto “decided “to become the right sort of person for a Prince” and worked to change himself. It also refers to Prompto having a “pudgy youth” as if that were a bad thing.  It also says “Incidentally, Prompto’s photography hobby developed when he was dieting and took photos to record his weight loss progress.” Not gonna lie, this one made me physically ill.  There was literally no reason for that other than to imply that being fat is somehow immoral.  Why is Prompto’s “personal resolve” equated to losing weight? Why couldn’t it simply have been to be more outgoing? I’m fucking ANGRY, I’m done being polite about this.

My solution, then? Well, one of two things: 1) don’t make Prompto fat to justify his bad childhood if you know you’re just gonna make him thin and completely ignore that he was ever different, which is my preferred solution, or 2) have at least one character be bigger and that’s just how they are and it’s not made into a plot point or anything.  

A final note: I KNOW people can and do drop tremendous amounts of weight, and I want to be clear that I am not suggesting this is bad or that people shouldn’t do it.  A person’s weight and their relationship to it is their own business, and as long as people have a healthy relationship with their body, I’m not one to judge.  I know that we are supposed to see Prompto’s weight loss as heroic and a strong example of his dedication to Noctis.  And sure, we get that.  But maybe I have convinced you that the development we get comes at the cost of fatphobia, at least in terms of how it was portrayed here.

TL;DR: Prompto didn’t need to be fat to develop his character, and its inclusion and treatment in the narrative of Brotherhood suggest an uncomfortable degree of fatphobia.

If you stuck around for the whole thing, thank you so much for reading my thoughts.  It’s something that has been bubbling up in me for months, and now I am finally able to put it in words. <3

[jesusintheleast]

Jesus Notices the Least and Reaches Out to Them!

11/14/2018

   In John 9 we read about the man who was born blind with verse one  stating that Jesus “saw” this man.  I’m interpreting this basic observation to mean that Jesus notices “everyone,” but especially the least.  The least, who have had a very hard life, through no fault of their own.

   Jesus goes on to clarify (somewhat) that his being born blind was neither his parents nor his fault.  He seems to be stating a startling truth about so many of our lives:  He saying something like, “Hey guys (to his disciples), I don’t like the fact that this man was born blind any more than you do.  But as long there are folks in such desperate need like this, well then, I want you to know, that I do “care,” and I want you to “care”, also.  And I don’t want you to question who’s to blame.

   “No, but here’s my instructions to you:  “As long as it is day, we must do the work of him who sent me.  Night is coming, when no one can work.”  (John 9:4)

   Well, as the story progresses, we notice that Jesus initiates his next move---“spitting on the ground, making some mud with the saliva, and putting it on the man’s eyes.”  Then he tells him to go “wash in the pool of Siloam.”

   The man does what Jesus says, and then he received his sight!

   Whoa!  Amazing! Beautiful! An absolute miracle!

   But then we see that this “act” stirs all kinds of controversy.  First, we see that the blind man’s “neighbors” had a difficult time comprehending how such “a miracle” could have taken place.  Some  recognized him as the “ same man who used to sit and beg.”  But others said, “No, he only looks like him.”

   And then we see the answer that the man gives to all his neighbors: “Hey guys, it’s me, it really is.  Believe me.”

   He then told them who, what, where, and how his blindness was cured.

  Second, then it seems the neighbors (13) brought this man to the Pharisees to get their ‘take” on this unusual event.  When some of the Pharisees heard that this man’s eyes were opened on the Sabbath, they immediately dismissed the possibility of this “man” being from God.  But others asked, “How can a sinner do such miraculous signs?” (16b)

   Then the Jews turned to the man’s parents and questioned them.  And his parents confirmed that this man was indeed their son, who had been born blind, but as far as “how he received his sight” we do not know.

   Then the Jews turned to “the man” himself once again.  In essence, they were saying, “Well sir, we’re going to give you another chance.  We want you to declare that it was God who healed your blindness…and not this man (Jesus).  For we know beyond a shadow of a doubt this man is a sinner.”

   To this the formerly blind beggar responds, “Whether he is a sinner or not, I don’t know.  One thing I do know. I was blind but now I see!” (25)

   And then, more of the same questions and accusations, “You are this fellows’ disciple!”  And then they sort of imply---“Ok, we admit it, we can see that you can see, now!  But that does not mean that you can see because of what this “Jesus” told you to do.”

   And then we see that the man is not shy about restating his views on the whole event. Indeed, he gives them a lecture.   He says in essence:  “Wow!  I can’t believe you guys.  This guy (Jesus) opens my eyes, which is unprecedented, and yet you are not even willing to give this Jesus a hearing or be “open” to the possibility ---that he is from God!”

   And the Pharisees response: “What?  Why you filthy little beggar! You… who were steeped in sin at birth-“How dare you lecture us!”  And they “threw him out.”

   So where was Jesus during this interrogation process?  He must have not been far away.  For when he heard that “they” had thrown him out he went to find him.  It seems this Jesus was concerned about how this formerly blind man had “fared” under the harsh grilling and insults of the religious establishment.

   And the first thing he asks is, “Do you believe in the Son of man?”

   The man responds by saying, “Who is he, sir?  Tell me so that I may believe in him.”  In other words, “Hey, if you have any words of wisdom for me, hey, I’m all ears!”

   Jesus responds:  “You have now seen him; in fact he is the one speaking with you.”

   And how does the formerly blind beggar respond?  He proclaims, “Lord, I believe,” and he worshipped him.

   This man “gets it!”  He responds to Jesus only as one ought to respond to God.  He’s saying, “I don’t care what anyone else says or believes.  All I know is that this man (Jesus) has shown me how much that he cares about me, and others like me.  So I’m definitely willing to listen to what he has to say.  I mean, I’d be “dumb” not to.”

   And then Jesus summarizes what his actions are meant to do---and it’s rather eye-opening!  (Pun intended!)  He says he’s come into this world for judgement, to expose things for how they really are.

   Jesus seems to be saying, “One of my purposes for my actions is to show those who feel left out, even forsaken, that I absolutely care about them and desire to comfort and heal them.  But there’s also something that I ask of them in return… and that is to receive their  allegiance, their willingness to follow me whatever the cost. “

   And to those who feel they just naturally “see” and understand so much of God’s heart and ways he says, “You are the ones who are becoming truly blind, to all “true” understanding of God’s heart and ways.”

   And what was the message behind Jesus’ stern words of warning.  It was fact that they had closed off their hearts and minds to God’s care for the least…which ought to have been at the top of these “religious folks” list as well.

  Next, we are shown plainly that these Pharisees did not “get it.”  For we see that couldn’t stop themselves from asking Jesus, “What? Are we blind too?”  In modern day language: “O come on, Jesus, you can’t be including us in the category of the blind--of the unbelieving, of the uncaring?  After all, we’re God’s people.  You can’t be serious!”

   To which Jesus calmly, but resolutely responds:  “If you were in the shoes of this “blind beggar” (one of the least), well then, I wouldn’t hold you as responsible for your heart and actions.  But it is by your own testimony that you yourselves say, “Hey, we love God.  And don’t you know that we’ve been following him as strictly as we know how.  I mean, we’re the righteous ones, right?  I mean, we know for sure that we can’t be that far “off track.”

   To which Jesus counters with:  “Since you feel that you couldn’t possibly be “off-track,” well then, I can’t really help you… for you won’t admit your own sins and shortcomings.”

   And this is where verse 39 confirms Jesus’ over-all intentions of his message and actions.  He says, “For judgement I have come into this world.”

   And what does this mean in this context?  He’s saying, “Listen up everyone!  I’ve come to reveal to you—to everyone---all you “religious folks (which can be a good thing!) and all you “not-so–religious folks” (which can be a good thing!) that I am the one who cares about the ones that so few care about or even notice.

   “But even more importantly, I’ve come to give you myself, my very being, my very life, that you may see—clearly--the reason that I have come.  And that is to ATONE for all of your sins---and that includes everyone! I’ve come to offer everyone a way out of feeling so lost, so  hungry for the truth that constantly eludes you all.  And it starts with acknowledging our own shortcomings.  It starts with the admission that  we are all responsible for the “state” we find ourselves in.

   And this is why Jesus is the one and only spiritual leader who truly “gets it” totally right!  Maybe that’s why he and so many of this followers are accused of being so narrow-minded.  I mean, he tells us, that he is “the way, the truth and the life, and that no man comes to the Father except through me.”  (John 14:6)

   In closing, I’d like everyone to ponder this quote by the late Dallas Willard, a well-respected theologian and philosopher:  “If there was a better way, then Jesus would be the first one to tell you to take it.  And if you don’t believe that, then what you’re really saying is that you don’t have faith in him because Jesus would tell you to believe a lie.”

  The only question left, “Do we “get it?”  

Take care.

- Chris

[sevenkookiejars]

"We're in an exam study group and I just send you my nudes by accident oops" Minjoon

Pairing: MinJoon (Jimin x Namjoon)Prompt: “We’re in an exam study group and I just send you my nudes by accident oops” AU Rating: PGWord Count: 2,447A/N: *whispers* Minjoon is so precious ^~^ thank you anon for requesting and sorry I took forever with this (I hope you still get to read this)!! (P.S. Jimin’s doing the swearing on my behalf bc I swear that I don’t really swear at all irl – pun unintended) Enjoy!

Jimin’s phone vibrates once in his lap. He ignores it, working on the math problem he has in front of it. It vibrates again, then a series of vibrations start. Jimin curses under his breath, dropping his pen down to pick up his phone instead. 

There’s a flood of kakaotalk messages from Taehyung. 

[4:32PM TaeTae]im bored

chimchim

talk to me :( 

[4:33PM TaeTae] i hate math

save me

chimmm

why you ignoring me

chimmmmmmmmmmmmm

Jimin looks up and shoots a glare at Taehyung who’s sitting diagonally across from him at the table. Taehyung’s face lights up with a triumphant smile. 

[4:35PM Jimin]I’m trying to do my math problems, stop trying to distract me

Jabbing the home button, Jimin picks up his pen and goes back to staring at the same question that he’s been stuck on for nearly 20 minutes. There’s a reason Jimin’s here, stuck in study group past 4pm on a Friday afternoon rather than practicing his dance moves in the studio. 

Whoever deigned it necessary for a music student like him to take math in university should rethink their lives. How the hell is math even remotely needed in his degree? Something about holistic education and well-roundedness or some shitty excuse is what the deans will say but that’s honestly a ton of bullshit. Bullshit that has people like Jimin suffering because his midterms came back with an ugly 30/100 on the top and a “see me” post-it note tagged on the side. Taehyung had the nerve to laugh at him when he barely scraped a 33/100 on his. 

So here they are, stuck in a study group that’s supposed to coach them into passing finals. Jimin’s only here because the fear of having to retake the module and suffer another semester of math is real. 

His phone starts vibrating again. Jimin tsks under his breath, trying his best to ignore it, which is nearly impossible when his phone is basically wiggling its way dangerously close to his crotch. Stupid Taehyung and his non-existent attention span. Resigned, Jimin sighs and picks up his phone again. 

[4:37PM TaeTae]im still bored 

dont be mean chim

stop ignoring em

me*chimmmm lets go for tonkatsu later

i feel like treating myself after this torture

[4:38PM TaeTae]yah i know you can feel your phone 

if you keep ignoring me im gonna tell namjoon hyung you have the biggest crush on him 

i swear 

Jimin sucks in a breath. Dammit why did he ever let it out to Taehyung about Namjoon? He should have known that Taehyung would use it to blackmail him someday. 

Not that intoxicated Jimin had cared a week ago when he, in Taehyung’s words, “wailed for a solid hour about Namjoon hyung’s beautiful gaze and lips and body and everything”. And no, Jimin is still adamant that he couldn’t have been as pathetic as what Taehyung makes him out to be. It’s just a tiny crush okay, Jimin can appreciate good aesthetics and that’s not his fault.

[4:40PM Jimin] You wouldn’t actually do that

[4:40PM TaeTae] you talking to me ~\(≧▽≦)/~

so tonkatsu?? 

and if you ignore me i will 

[4:41PM Jimin] Whatever, Namjoon hyung won’t believe anything you say 

Do your work. I’m going to mute kakaotalk.

Satisfied, Jimin does exactly that. Taehyung can’t disturb him now and he can have the last 20 minutes of study group for math practice. Extra exam preparation questions that he has to hand in on Monday and still has no idea how to do. Jimin suddenly feels the urgency in his bones. 

Inherently, Jimin is someone who hates relying on others for help. It makes him feel somewhat worthless, inadequate in a way that leaves an unsettling feeling swirling in his gut. Which is why he’s debating hard whether or not to actually bring up his questions to their study group mentor now. 

The choice should be pretty obvious, because putting his pride down now is better than taking the walk of shame to the front of his tutorial class to meet the professor. It should be obvious, except that Namjoon is their study group mentor. Yeah, the very Namjoon that Jimin has a tiny crush on. 

Jimin bites his lip. It shouldn’t be a big deal really. Namjoon doesn’t even know he has a crush for god’s sake. Besides, Jimin’s pretty sure at least a fifth of the juniors in school have some sort of a crush on Namjoon. Namjoon who is tall, charming, smart and really nice and helpful to all juniors. Jimin probably needs his fingers and toes (maybe Taehyung’s too) to count the number of times he’s overheard whispered conversation and soft squeals over senior Kim Namjoon. 

But that said, the math problems are still leering at him. Forget about having any choice, Jimin doesn’t want to die of shame on Monday submitting a blank paper. Sighing, Jimin picks up his phone, turning on the camera app to take pictures of the questions he’s been stuck at. 

Namjoon has this system in study group, where they can send him pictures over WhatsApp of the questions they need help with so that he can look over the questions while helping the previous student. It’s somewhat like his own queue system that he’s implemented and it works. And yeah, it’s specifically WhatsApp, not KakaoTalk. Taehyung said and Jimin quotes “that Namjoon hyung is way too English-ified”. As if that really explains why Namjoon prefers an American chat app over a Korean one. 

Jimin opens Whatsapp and opens a fresh chat with Namjoon. His phone vibrates, banner on the top of his screen displaying WhatsApp notifications from none other than Taehyung. The first one reads “you really muted!!!!” and the second announces an attached photo. 

Rolling his eyes, Jimin decides to quickly attach the two photos of questions that he has to ask Namjoon before attending to Taehyung’s messages. He absently clicks the last two photos in his gallery and clicks send. 

Okay, now to entertain Taehyung while he waits for his turn with Namjoon. He’s about to exit the chat with Namjoon when something catches his attention. The first photo sent doesn’t have a plain white background. It’s definitely not his question paper. Jimin blinks, scrolling up so that the whole photo comes into view. 

“Fuck.” The girl sitting beside him shifts her gaze to glare at him but Jimin barely notices. “Fuck no no no, please don’t send. Oh god, please don’t." 

Jimin fumbles with his phone. The two grey ticks appear. Jimin collapses back in his seat with a small whimper. Opposite, Taehyung glances up in mild concern. 

This can’t be real. Maybe it’s just a bad dream, yeah? Maybe he’s getting so exhausted from math that he’s starting to hallucinate. It can’t be real, right? Jimin nearly jumps in his seat when his phone vibrates again in his hands. A banner notification from Taehyung that says ”what’s wrong chim“ and then ”you scaring me“. 

He’s still in the chat with Namjoon. Jimin swallows, throat dry. He blinks hard once, twice. The grey ticks are still there, mocking. Jimin wants to cry.

This is worse than any walk of shame to see his professor. Because right above his picture of his math problem is one of Jimin sitting in a tub, clothes trail on the bathroom floor as he hugs an empty soju bottle. Naked and drunk stupid. And if that isn’t bad enough, it’s most definitely Taehyung’s Snapchat capture because there’s a text banner that Taehyung’s kindly covered his exposed crotch with that reads "AWW LOVERBOY CRYING OVER JOONIE HYUNG”. Jimin doesn’t know if he’s supposed to be thankful for Taehyung salvaging the last bit of his dignity. 

Of course Jimin is that dumbass that never switched off the function on WhatsApp that automatically downloads media into his phone. Taehyung had told him once to switch it because “it downloads useless photos and takes up space”, to which Jimin had shrugged and muttered something about having 256GB to spare. 

And it’s here to bite him in the ass now. Taehyung was probably sending him proof of blackmail material he has of Jimin’s crush on Namjoon, which Jimin knows Taehyung will never actually use to blackmail him. Except he just had to send it before Jimin got about to sending his math questions and obviously Jimin is the idiot who doesn’t check what he’s sending and just clicks the latest pictures. 

The rest is history. History that has Jimin freaking out all over again. Taehyung’s flooding him with messages now, to which Jimin replies with a simple “fuck you” because he can’t take all the blame for his battered pride. 

Jimin’s back in his chat with Namjoon, math now forgotten, and still internally panicking when it happens. The grey ticks turn blue. It’s like everything comes to a standstill and Jimin stops breathing. Namjoon read the messages. Namjoon fucking saw the pictures. 

It’s like a slap of cold water to his face and Jimin sucks in a sharp breath. He needs to get out of here. Screw study group, he’ll ask for a transfer or just stop attending. He can’t face Namjoon, not now, not ever.

With shaking hands, Jimin grabs his bag, haphazardly stuffing his homework and stationery in. 

“Chim,” Taehyung hisses from across the table. Jimin ignores him. He doesn’t have enough focus outside of his panic to actually care. “Jimin, what’s happening?" 

Jimin zips his bag up and stands, setting his eyes on the door. He can feel a few curious stares and from the corner of his eye, he sees Taehyung standing to follow him. 

With his head down, Jimin makes a beeline for the door, making sure to shut it softly behind him so as not to make a scene. Hurrying down the corridor, Jimin feels dread curling like bile in his throat. 

As he rounds the corner, he hears hurried footsteps behind him. It’s probably Taehyung wanting to know what happened. Jimin doesn’t really want to talk about it. The magnitude of the whole situation is catching up with him and all he wants to do is curl up in a corner and drown in self pity. 

The footsteps close in, coming to a halt behind him. "Jimin-ssi." 

It isn’t Taehyung. Jimin’s breath hitches. Namjoon hyung. 

There’s a hand on his shoulder and Jimin turns out of reflex. Their gazes meet and Jimin immediately drops his, shuffling a small step backwards. Namjoon drops his hand to his side. 

The corridor is empty. Jimin’s partly glad that no one’s going to witness his death by shame. He doesn’t dare look up at Namjoon. 

The silence drags a moment too long and Jimin’s unconsciously starting to shift his weight from feet to feet when Namjoon sighs. Wordlessly, he lifts his phone, tilting it for Jimin to look at. 

Jimin chews on his bottom lip hard. Drunk Jimin stares back at him hazy and unabashed. Jimin kind of wants to fling the phone across the hall. He would do it, except it’s Namjoon’s. 

"What’s this?” Namjoon says finally. 

Jimin pulls at the hem of his shirt, scrunching it up and then letting it go. “I… I sort of sent you my nude by accident?” Internally, he winces at his choice of words. “Oops?” He adds, before his brain catches up and goddammit Park Jimin why can’t you play it off like it isn’t a big deal because it really isn’t. 

It shouldn’t be at least.

“Uhm,” Namjoon replies. “Okay.” He lowers the phone slowly. “I… the caption…” Namjoon’s voice trails off.

Jimin closes his eyes. Of course. Why did he expect? Taehyung and his stupid caption. Jimin contemplates lying and pretending that “Joonie hyung” isn’t the one standing right before him. There’s probably a dozen and one people who have the nickname “Joonie”, right? But Jimin is horrible at lying and it always tugs at his conscience. 

He takes a deep breath. “I’m sorry,” Jimin starts. “I mean, I was really going to send you my math questions. But Taehyung wanted to blackmail me and I didn’t turn off that auto download and it just sent and like, I had a crush on you since forever but half the school does too and you can’t blame be for appreciating good aesthetics but I don’t even know if you like girls or guys, I’m sorry I’m-”

Jimin breaks off when he feels fingers beneath his chin. He freezes. 

“You’re rambling,” Namjoon says mildly. He pushes gently, tilting Jimin’s face up, gaze searching. “Crush on me, huh?” Namjoon’s tone is light, teasing almost. He chuckles softly.

Jimin feels his face heat and he bristles. “I’m sorry I’m such a loser who doesn’t know how to ask his brain and heart to shut the fuck up about you,” he snaps. Dammit that came out all wrong. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to snap-”

“You’re apologizing a whole lot,” Namjoon says, a dimpled smile spreading. “Sorr- I mean…” Jimin wants to facepalm himself. 

Namjoon laughs, the sound of it making Jimin’s stomach flip. “Well,” Namjoon shrugs, “If you’re really sorry about it, you could treat me to coffee now.”

Jimin stares dumbly. Coffee, what?

Namjoon awkwardly rubs the nape of his neck. “I mean, if you’re free that is. I haven’t managed to answer your math questions after all, and study group session’s over.”

Right. The math questions, Jimin almost forgot. “Of course, I’ll buy you coffee, Namjoon-ssi." 

Namjoon scrunches his nose. "Just hyung will do,” he says, and Jimin feels something warm settle in the pit of his stomach. “Or Joonie hyung if you want,” Namjoon adds, shooting him a grin. “I don’t mind.”

“Please don’t remind me,” Jimin groans. “And can you please delete that photo and pretend you never saw it?” Namjoon shakes his head. Jimin feels himself deflate a little. “Why, hyung? Do you want it for blackmail too?”

“No, of course not!” Namjoon feigns an offended look. “What do you take me for? I just can appreciate good aesthetics.” Then before Jimin can register those words and respond, Namjoon places a hand on the small of Jimin’s back to steer him in the direction of the campus exit. “Come on, it’s a date!”

(They end up talking for hours over coffee and forgetting about tutoring. Jimin later insists that circumstances forced him to visit Namjoon’s apartment on a Saturday to do math while having takeouts, which somehow dragged on into movie night and Jimin crashing at Namjoon’s place. 

The rest is history. History that has Jimin calling Namjoon his boyfriend. And no, Taehyung gets zero credit because Jimin’s going to take all of it for himself.)

A/N: Thank you for reading this fic that got pretty long! I’ve never written Minjoon ever so I hope this is at least somewhat good (and cute maybe because it’s supposed to be fluff kinda). Also thank you to those of you who read my previous mini fics (and those who leave comments in your tags, they really make my day!)

Send me a prompt and a bangtan pairing, I’ll write you a short fic ♡

[dazzledbybooks]

Tell the truth. Or face the consequences. Clue meets Riverdale in this page-turning thriller that exposes the lies five teens tell about a deadly night one year ago.  One year ago, there was a party.At the party, someone died.Five teens each played a part and up until now, no one has told the truth. But tonight, the five survivors arrive at an isolated mansion in the hills, expecting to compete in a contest with a $50,000 grand prize. Of course…some things are too good to be true. They were each so desperate for the prize, they didn’t question the odd, rather exclusive invitation until it was too late. Now, they realize they’ve been lured together by a person bent on revenge, a person who will stop at nothing to uncover what actually happened on that deadly night, one year ago. Five arrived, but not all can leave. Will the truth set them free?Or will their lies destroy them all? This Lie Will Kill You by Chelsea Pitcher Publisher: Margaret K. McElderry Books Release Date: December 11, 2018 Genre: Young Adult, Mystery, Thriller REVIEW This Lie Will Kill You by Chelsea Pitcher will keep you reading until you finish the book in its entirety. I had such a hard time putting this book down. I couldn't wait to know what happens next. I wanted to know what was going on and what would end up happening to these characters. The one thing that I did know for sure is that nothing is what you expect. As the reader, you are slowly introduced to five characters. All of these characters are related to each other in some way. They are also all related to the same incident. The death of a fellow classmate. No one knows the truth about that fateful night. Everyone has kept the information to themselves until now. When the truth comes out, no one knows what will happen. My heart hurt a lot for Ruby. She seemed to be the person that lost the most. She had a very troubled upbringing and then in high school life didn't get any better. Ruby has a hard time seeing the truth that is in front of her. There were so many moments that I wanted to scream at Ruby and tell her that she deserved better. Juniper has been hurting for a long time. She is in love with her best friend. Her best friend doesn't love her back. Instead, she blames Juniper for all the wrongs that have happened in her life. All Juniper wants is for her best friend to be back in her life. What will it cost her? Will it make her life better? I really liked Juniper because she wanted to be the a great best friend. She cared and wanted to make sure that she was always sticking up for her friend even when she knew it wasn't the most popular choice. Gavin just wants to be seen and heard. He wants to improve his life. He wants to fit in. He lost his best friend at a younger age because he wasn't popular enough. Gavin wants the girl that he thinks will never notice him. Was what happened a year ago worth punishment? How did everything play into him becoming a bad guy? Brett would do anything for his best friend, even if his best friend doesn't do anything for him. It is quite a twisted fate for this guy. Brett is the "dumb jock" stereotype for this book. He does everything that he is told to do without thinking about the consequences or what it means for him. He wishes he could just disappear. He hasn't had the best upbringing and all he really wants to do is just disappear. Parker is of course the rich kid. He is spoiled and believes that he should get everything he wants in life. Even if that is a human being. I hated this kid. Right away I knew that he was not a good person and I really just didn't want him to be a part of the story. There was nothing about Parker that interested me. That is how great his personality is. Parker only wants one thing. The girl that left him. He will do anything to get her back. I am one of those people that love guessing what will happen or who is behind the mystery. Of course it is great to be right. I really love it when I am wrong and the author surprises me in the end. First off, I guessed a lot of this story up front. There was one part that I did not guess at all. It was great to have that little surprise in there. I am sure you are sitting there wondering how does she has so much to say about this book when so many people disliked it. Just stick with me, I am really hoping to surprise you. Pitcher's uses a lot of metaphors in this book. I really enjoyed this because it created a lot more imagery for the reader. This story is also told in multiple POVs with a lot of flashbacks. We jump back to see what happened on that fateful night a year ago . This let you in the secrets that are going on and you can see the events unfold before your eyes. Everyone is called to this mansion to basically admit the truth on how they were involved in a fellow students death. It is easy to figure out who was the ringmaster of the death. The author also made a book chunk of information pretty obvious for present day as well. There is a part of the ending that I didn't find to predictable and that is what I think is worth reading. No it does not involve a death. This story did not blow my mind and no I don't think it is the best book I have ever read BUT....I did find the story quite enjoyable. I definitely think it is a story worth reading. It was super quick read. It took me a total of 5 hours to read it between 2 days. If you like little mysteries to solve, then definitely check this book out. I think it will be worth it. FAVORITE QUOTES "All three of them had slipped into an alternate reality, where the world was beautiful and terrifying, and you had to see both sides in order to survive." "Ruby needed to be loved. Maybe it was wrong, maybe she was supposed to love herself, the rest of the world be damned, but she couldn't stop waiting to be welcomed into the universe." "...They climbed into the car together, three little criminals ducking their heads. Three little lairs, beautiful and terrifying in their capacity for love, their capacity for vengence." ABOUT THE AUTHOR Chelsea Pitcher is a karaoke-singing, ocean-worshipping Oregonian with a penchant for twisty mysteries. She is the author of THE S-WORD, THE LAST CHANGELING & THE LAST FAERIE QUEEN.  Watch for her new YA thriller, THIS LIE WILL KILL YOU, coming December 11, 2018 from S&S/McElderry! GIVEAWAY •  Prize: 10 copies of THIS LIE WILL KILL YOU by Chelsea Pitcher Starts: 12/4 Ends: 12/19 a Rafflecopter giveaway BOOK LINKS •       Goodreads •       Amazon •       Barnes & Noble •       iBooks •       Book Depository •       Kobo •       IndieBound TOUR SCHEDULE December 4th Pink Polka Dot Books- Welcome Interview December 5th The Book Dutchesses- Review A New Look On Books- Review Moonlight Rendezvous- Review & Favorite Quotes December 6th Kait Plus Books- Guest Post A Lovely Book Affair- Review Books, Movies, Reviews. Oh my!- Review December 7th Living a Hundred Lives- Review Literary Meanderings- Guest Post Book Lady's Reviews- Review Dazzled by Books- Review & Favorite Quotes December 8th The Reading Corner for All- Review & Creative Post (word search) Here's to Happy Endings- Review December 9th The Clever Reader- Q&A Confessions of a YA Reader- Review Oh Hey! Books.- Review The Critic Uncritical Bookworm- Review December 10th Wishful Endings- Guest Post Adventures and Reading- Review Life of  Literary Nerd- Creative Post My Reading List- Review

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