#express myself way better and way queer-er than i can right now

[gawainism]

i am going to move out and make friends. manifestation is real and im doing it

[short-origins]

Stay Safe.

(Fun fact: I had no idea I was queer when I wrote this. How I didn’t know is beyond me, but whatever.)

So, you’re heading out? 

The bubbly scrawl appears along my left arm. A small smile works its way onto my face as I read the white script. I am not supposed to communicate with anyone outside of my command at this time, but screw it; freedom of speech and expression still apply, yeah?

“Hey, could I borrow a pen?” I turn to my friend Jonah, who gives me a ‘really?’ look. “Yes, really. Now may I borrow a pen or is that a no?” I ask. 

“Yeah, yeah. Here you go,” he sighs as he reaches into his pack to pull out a black pen. “I need this one back, L.”  

“Yes sir,” I say with a lilt in my voice as I snatch the pen from his grasp. “Thanks.”

Yeah, planned patrol. Shouldn’t be too bad.

“Pen away, Liz,” Commander Zolt orders gruffly. “We’ll be out of this stinking truck in five minutes, you’ll live.”

“Yes sir,” I say as I yank my sleeve down over my olive skin and hand the pen back over to Jonah. “Thanks again,” I say. Wordlessly, he takes the pen back and puts into his pack and pulls out some jerky to snack on.

“So, what’d you tell ‘er this time?” he asks while peeling the wrapping open. He wiggles his eyebrows and I just roll my eyes at him.

“It’s not like we had a ton of time to chat and it was just about our day; nothing ‘juicy,’ you idiot.” I say.

“Rats.”

“Shut up.” I smile and lean back into my seat. In the back of the truck are three people besides me and Jonah. Commander Zolt, who has never seemed to like me, along with the siblings Colt and Bel. who mostly chat with each other, but they are good people to hang with otherwise.

As the ride to Quintar continues to draw out, my mind thinks to the writing on my arm. I find myself focusing on the faint pin-pointed pressure of Tiana’s response. Despite how tempted I am to look, I can almost feel Commander Zolt watching and waiting for me to slip up, which keeps me from doing anything of the sort. 

I’ll read it later, when I get the chance. Tiana and I have been chatting for almost fourteen years now. She reached out to me first. 

Does this work? 

The pale blue color had bloomed on my arm. I remember running to my mom immediately after. “Mom! Mom! Look!” I’d said. Seeing the messy scrawl for the first time had been a happy surprise. “Look! They wrote. What do I say back?” I’d asked her mother. 

“Well say hi to them at least. Talk to them,” she said.

The feeling of the truck suddenly slamming on the brakes snaps me back into focus as our bodies jerk towards the front of the truck. “Alright, buzz-cuts and ponies, time to move!” the commander orders us as we begin to pick up all of our items. I pack up any material I took out of my pack and grab my gun from behind my seat as I stand. 

“Three years. We’ve been doing this job for three years. Last run for you, L,” Jonah says as we get ready to go. “You lucky shit.”  

“What can I say? I don’t want to be away from home any longer than I have to be.” I laugh and punch his upper arm, “Plus, once I’m back, I plan to finally meet Tiana in person, rather than over a video chat,” I say as I glance towards my left arm. “But we’ll have to meet up once you’re out. You are out soon too, yeah?”

Before he responds, we are pushed out of the truck into the dry, dusty heat of Quintar. The truck takes off to make room for the next truck as Jonah speaks. “Three more months. Better no forget about me in that time, L.” he says, securing some of gear to his belt. 

“Yeah, yeah.”

We are all corralled into a group once the rest of the command gets out of the other trucks. We split into groups of six and spread out along the surrounding area. Major Beth leads our group based off of her mutt’s nose. 

We arrive to a mostly deserted part of the town as we keep watch outside of each building while the mutt tries to sniff out any bombs, drugs, weapons, and other dangerous material. 

‘Clear!” Major Beth yells out as the mutt sniffs out another crumbling building. As we transition to the next building and continue our check, I lag behind a few paces and pull my sleeve back to see what Tiana wrote. 

Stay Safe. 

The clumsy handwriting makes me smile, as it always has since she accepted my position.

Why the HELL are you doing that!?

I could practically hear her screaming at me through the bold marks on my skin. She knew that I had been thinking about doing this, and had voiced her concern many times prior, but when I told her that it was going to happen, I could feel her anger radiating from the lines on my skin. 

I’m calling.

Moments later my phone rings loudly. I take a breath, before deciding to answer. I deserve any anger she has. “Hey.”

On the other end of the line I hear her strained voice as she asks. “Dammit, Liz. You’re going to get yourself killed out there,” her normally soft and happy voice sounds like it’s on the verge of breaking. “Of all times to go into service why-” she pauses for a moment, swallows and continues, “why now? Why not community service, policing, fire fighting even. Why would you go work in a war zone?” 

I understand her concern. “No one else will by choice. I’m not going to be away long. I’ll be back before you are out of college, and when I come back I’ll have the money to meet you so you don’t have to leave your studies. I’ll be fine. Plus, when I get back I’ll be able to get veterans discounts,” I say, half honest, half joking. Tiana lets out a breathy scoff. 

“Fine. Stay safe.”

“Liz! We need you to check this out,”Major Beth calls out.

“Yes Ma’am!”  I jog inside the building Major Beth and her dog are in. “What is it?”

Major Beth gestures towards three cabinets, two of which were opened. “We found a variety of weapons which were modified.” Major Beth opens the third cabinet and turns to look at me. “You’re the weapons specialists, what do we have here?”

I take that as a cue to begin pulling out the weapons and inspecting them. The first cabinet and much of the second are full of semi-automatic rifles with additions which were added with basic supplies, mostly duct tape. Most of the guns had added on knives and various blades to make basic bayonets. Other guns, though appearing ordinary on the surface, were modified to shoot ammunition other than bullets. Pistols are limited to small rocks and pebbles, but larger guns were altered to use things such as stones and incendiary cartridges depending on each gun.

“Besides the obvious attempt at recreating bayonets, the guns were modified to use more mundane things as projectiles, so they wouldn’t run out of ammunition,” I say, sparing her the details as she comes over to inspect the weapons. I walk over to the third cabinet to find it full of explosives. I hesitate in picking up anything from the third cabinet before walking back towards her. “It’s full of bombs and the bottom has a layering of of gunpowder. I recommend that we use any spare water we have and douse the powder,” I say. 

She nods and I begin to walk towards the door to get a jug of water, but I am interrupted when a loud banging sound ruptures throughout the area. Pulling my gun out, I quickly turn around to try to locate the sound. But I see nothing. The sound was of a gun going off, but I can’t tell from where. 

Another banging sound goes off, and suddenly the cabinet full of explosives is set off. The gunpowder lights on fire and then there is an explosion. 

My body is pushed back into the opposite wall, and my vision blurs to black. 

*

Clunk Click.

The sound of a door rouses me from sleep. My bleary eyes open and I have to blink a few times to see clearly. I turn my head to the right to see a nurse changing what my IV is connected to. 

“Your awake. How do you feel?” he asks.

“What?” I ask before comprehending what he said. “Oh, I- uhh- good? Where am I?” I can feel parts of my body secured by bandages and the air smells too clean, 

“You are in a hospital in Ann Arbor, Michigan,” he says. “You were injured while in Quintar, and since it was so close to your release date, it was decided that once you were stable you would be sent here,” he explains upon seeing my confusion. He walks to the door and just before he leaves he adds, “There will be a doctor here to check up on you in a few minutes. Until then, you have a visitor.” He walks out the door, and I can see his silhouette pause to say something to someone just outside the door through the hazy glass. 

A moment later the door opens, and a girl walks into my room. Her hair is an auburn color and her skin is fair. She has many freckles spattered across her nose and cheeks, and her green eyes light up when she sees me awake. 

“You never listen? Do you?” she says as she walks over and sits down in the chair next to my bed. 

“Selective hearing.” I smile up at her. “You were able to convince people to send me here, I’m impressed.” 

She shrugs. “What can I say? I’m majoring in English, I make the best arguments, and I wouldn’t stand for any more delays. By the way,” she stands and slightly leans over the side of the bed to hold out a hand, “it’s a pleasure to finally meet you in person, Liz.” 

I smile and take her hand, “I wish this were under better circumstances. I am happy to meet you in person as well, Tiana.”

[words-writ-in-starlight]

Hi! If you're okay with answering, I noticed you mention BetterHelp and want to ask how well it works for you - I also had a problem not pretending to be neurotypical around the one therapist I did try, and though online therapy is pretty much the only way to go in my current situation I feel like communicating over text/voice chat would only make it easier to me to keep doing that. I don't mean to ask for specifics you don't feel comfortable offering, but I'm curious as to how it works.

Well, let me say first of all: this is going to sound harsh, but like, at the end of the day, getting past the urge to act Fine with a therapist is on you.  Sometimes that means you do what I do in like 8 out of 10 therapy sessions and change my affect radically ten minutes in, when I go from “everything is fine and let me tell you a joke about what happened this week” to “actually my coworker called me a nickname that I hate for eleven hours the other day and I feel like my skin is crawling off my body and I don’t know how to learn to put up a fight about my name.”  A good therapist will roll with that sudden emotional switch.  If you tell a therapist from the get-go about this pre-existing issue of struggling to admit to your problems (refer to this post), they SHOULD tell you whether or not they can be a hardass with you about the situation.  But it’s still on you to put that problem on the table, AND it’s on you to be prepared to leave a therapist who’s not helping you.

All of that being said, I personally like BetterHelp.  In-person therapy is always best, because it gives someone a better grasp on your body language and your “energy” for lack of a better word, but BetterHelp offers three options for how to talk to your therapist (phone, text, and a low-to-moderately-reliable video call), which you can pick from based on the circumstances and what you can manage.  In theory you have the ability to contact your therapist over text pretty much whenever you want to.  I don’t use that function because “total inability to actually express when I need help and emotional support” is like.  My Whole Problem.  But it does exist and I like the theory of it, it’s a nice safety net even if you’re me and it took you five years to start walking the ten feet into your girlfriend-and-roommate-of-five-years’ room when you’re having a panic attack.

The things I like best about BetterHelp are as follows:

CHEAP(ER): You can pay weekly, monthly, quarterly, or yearly.  You pay less per session the more time you pay for.  So if you pay weekly, it’s $70 a week.  If you pay for a year plan, it’s $45 a week, billed monthly.  That’s still a chunk of change!  But compared to your most common $100-$160 per session in-person therapy rates, it’s a vast improvement.  Especially if you need more than one check-in a week.

LGBT+ SPECIFIC COUNSELING: BetterHelp actually has a sub-site called Pride Counseling, which is what I personally am subscribed to.  They counsel queer people.  That is all they do.  If you note that you are on the LGBT spectrum or questioning your gender/sexuality, BetterHelp will ask if you’d prefer to be redirected to Pride.  You don’t have to, but like.  It IS nice to talk to your counselor about how you don’t want to give your coworkers a gender theory lesson just to get them to call you by your name, and actually know they get what you’re saying.

LOTS OF THERAPISTS: You know what the DREAM scenario is for me, a person with social anxiety?  The ability to just ghost a therapist who isn’t working for me.  You know what BetterHelp lets me do?  Ghost therapists who aren’t working for me.  One of the two therapists I declined before I settled on my current counselor INSISTED on calling me Rhia, which is A) a nickname I hate and B) genuinely a trauma trigger.  Her stance when I brought this up was that I needed to get past it, because it’s such a cute femme nickname for my long and clunky first name.  Now...I don’t think so.  I hate being called feminine nicknames, I hate the name Rhia, and I hate the people who made me hate the name Rhia, and I think I reserve the right to just...not let people call me Rhia.  For whatever reason, she could not get that one through her head.  Which is where the whole “ghosting a therapist” thing comes in.  BetterHelp has an option to just...nope the fuck out of a therapist, without any conversation with them whatsoever, at any time, and the system will ask you in strict confidence to share why you don’t want to continue, so that you can let them know if there’s a serious problem.  Then it will rematch you with another therapist.  The DEGREE to which my stress level dropped when I realized I could just leave, without so much as explaining myself, was fucking profound.  BetterHelp has lots of counselors, with lots of specialties, and you can just bounce if one of them isn’t working for you.

So, yeah, I’d recommend it, especially if you’re someone like me who’s not good at making appointments, if you’re in a tight financial spot but still need something, or if you have an unpredictable schedule.  

....but it’s still your job to be honest with your therapist.

[polyrolemodels]

Poly Role Models: Ev’Yan Whitney

PolyRoleModels: All right so welcome to PolyRoleModels. Would you like to introduce yourself?

Ev’Yan Whitney: Yeah my name is Ev’Yan Whitney and I'm currently living in Portland Oregon.

PolyRoleModels: Okay well so how long do you been polyamory or how long have you been practicing polyamory?

Ev’Yan Whitney: I-Let’s see I feel like. So first I wanna say I don’t identify with the term polyamory all that much. Um mostly because of the way that me and my partner practice it. It doesn’t really fall underneath- I mean I know polyamory is an umbrella word. But for some reason polyamory doesn’t resonate with me that much. So I prefer non-monogamy or open relationship just because I feel like it’s able to encapsulate the kinds of relationships my partner and I have or the relationships that we are looking for. But to answer your question we have been open- our marriage has been open for about- maybe seven years now officially and it came about in a very funny way. I had no idea what polyamory was my husband is white so when he told me about polyamory I was like “Oh this is some white people shit. This is not for me. Its cool if that’s what you wanna do over there, but I don’t want anything to do with it over here.” And slowly but surely we knew we had a lot of interesting conversations about polyamory, what it meant. And to be clear like when he was bringing it up he wasn't bringing it up with the intention of like changing our entire relationship he was just like “I met someone and we had a strong emotional connection with each other and I found a word that kind of expresses how we're experiencing each other right now and yeah what do you think? This is really strange and I don't know what to do with this information.” And so because it wasn't like a do-or-die kind of situation where it's like “I identify as polyamorous, you either come with me or like the relationship was over,” it allowed us both to have space around the definition and even around like what we wanted to do as far as like next steps go and but still I was pretty adamently against it. I didn't really want anything to do with it and then I realized later down the line, I'd say maybe about a year after I first even heard the word that my own clear identity was starting to come up into the forefront in a really massive way. Like I met someone and I started having feelings for someone. Yeah and that's when I was like “Oh okay this polyamory, non-monogamy thing it's- it's something that could be a viable option for me in my relationship.” And so from there we started thinking about ways that we can practice it ethically.

PolyRoleModels: Awesome. Awesome. All right so what is your relationship dynamic look like?

Ev’Yan Whitney: Um well I mean I have a husband is my primary um we both date other people. At this time we're not really doing much dating because I'm very busy at work and he's also really busy with work. And I jokingly say that like my- my business is my mistress because I'm just so like involved in it right now. But in the past we haven't really done like dating together. We often date individually outside of our relationship. So I'll have a girlfriend, and he'll have a boyfriend. My partner also identifies as queer. So we both use polyamory as a way to explore and express our sexual orientation that we wouldn't be able to do because we're in a “hetero” relationship.

PolyRoleModels: Alright.

Ev’Yan Whitney: Yeah

PolyRoleModels: What aspect of non-monogamy do you feel you excel at?

Ev’Yan Whitney: Oh I think I'm really good at the communication piece but that's only because like I love to talk about my feelings. I- I feel like- I think my husband has a harder time with that because he- he's more so the type of person that wants to talk about his feelings after they've been processed and I'm more like- I feel a thing let's process it now together. Um so I feel like I'm really good at being able to pinpoint the emotions that are coming up within me. So like emotional intelligence and then being able to like say “Hey I'm feeling this thing let's talk about it. Let's um you know sit down and- and digest it, process it together.” And yeah I feel like the emotional part is a really big piece of it too because I think that so much of my own sexuality ties into emotions for me. I identify as a demisexual and so I can't have relationships sexual or romantic with people if I don't feel that emotional intimacy. And so because of that I feel like I am really good at being able to communicate my own feelings and like wanting to make sure that my needs, my emotional needs get met.

PolyRoleModels: Alright. I get that. Now, what aspects do you struggle with?

Ev’Yan Whitney: Oh man. Jealousy is a really big one, I hate to say it because it's really cliché. But yeah I mean that there's definitely been moments where as great as it is for me to watch my partner exploring his sexuality and having a blast with the people that she's with, it does bring up stuff around like scarcity and security abandonment issues for me and jealousy can tend to come up in those, in those instances. I mean I do feel that jealousy to me isn't this horrible thing. I know that it's been billed out to be like if you feel jealousy that means there's something terribly wrong in your relationship. I kind of use it as an indicator to look a little bit deeper, like to interrogate where that that jealousy is coming from and to be able to sit with it and process it and figure out why it's there. So even though I don't feel very good at it, that thing feels really challenging for me it's also a really good opportunity for me to self-reflect and be really critical about like the things that are coming up and the reasons why because a lot of the times that jealousy is rooted in fear. And so when I'm able to sit down with the jealousy and actually process it think about it yeah it's some beautiful realizations have come up. And really interesting conversations between me and my partner when jealousy comes up and were able to rather than run from it but actually like sit with it talk about it.

PolyRoleModels: And I was gonna ask you how you address or overcome those struggles but it sounds like you kind of did that.

Ev’Yan Whitney: Yeah.

PolyRoleModels: Yeah, so uh in terms of my risk aware of safer sex what do you and your partners do to protect one another?

Ev’Yan Whitney: We defitniely use condoms and he- my partners- I’m not on birth control. So mostly I’m not seeing men or cis men so I don’t have much of an issue with- with you know fears of getting pregnant or anything like that. But we definitely do our best to stay as safe as possible we have a lot of questions that we ask our partners like you know when they were last tested. We make sure that we get tested regularly as well just to make sure that everything is going- going good. It's so crazy to be answering these questions because it's been so long since I've been on a date. I'm like how- I'm trying to remember like how do I do- how did I do it? Cause it's been oh my god I've been out of the game for a while.

PolyRoleModels: Yeah I'm busy too so I understand.

Ev’Yan Whitney: Yeah.

PolyRoleModels: So what is the worst mistake you've made you're not monogamous history? how did you rebound from it?

Ev’Yan Whitney: Oh man my worst mistake? Oh man. I think I think- I don't know there would be a mistake but I definitely think I could have responded differently and that would be you know I was watching my partner have some strong feelings for someone that he was dating, and it led me into a negative spiral of “He's going to leave me. This is not safe. Like I'm going to be abandoned, and you know there's underlying like maybe infidelity going on,” because you know my mind goes in that area. My response to that was just really- I think it was a little extreme I think I wasn't allowing myself to see what was actually happening and also just being compassionate to my partner. Like new relationship energy is real and being able to be like- like to step back and say like okay the things that are coming up in this situation right now, like it's a new relationship energy, it's not that big of a deal. It'll eventually dissipate. I think it's it's difficult to have that kind of perspective and to not like go off the deep end, and have like you know your minds not racing about how things could potentially go. So yeah I think I could be a lot better about the responses that I have when I see those challenging things come up.

PolyRoleModels: So what self identities are important to you how do you feel like being non-monogamous intersects or affects those other identities

Ev’Yan Whitney: Oh definitely my queer identity is incredibly important to me. I wouldn't be- I wouldn't be non-monogamous, I don't think, if I was queer, er if I wasn’t queer. Especially because I'm married to a guy. So that really changes the dynamic between us and you know there's- there's a  articular set of things that my man can't give me because he's a guy and you know I'm a queer- a queer woman, so my queer identity really matters and means a lot to me. I feel like the non-monogamy piece enables me to express that part of my identity in ways that I wouldn't be able to if I were just in a you know monogamous heterosexual relationship. And then also within that like I mentioned before like being a demisexual, which has also been kind of challenging to find people who are willing to do the extra work necessary to have a meaningful relationship with me. In my past- my experience has been that people just want to fuck me and not want to get into the nitty-gritty of the emotions and the intimacy in that way. But my Demisexual identity is also really important to me and it's been a really great, I quess just tool for learning about like what my own needs are because there have been a few times where I've been like “I shouldn't be so emotional or certain- I shouldn't require that my partners give me emotional intimacy or emotional availability.” And so through non-monogamy I’ve found that like- that's a very fundamental part of not just like my you know identity as a person, but just my sexual identity. And then of course you're like- I'm black stuff and so being able to have that identity be seen and affirmed in the people that I'm dating is incredibly important to me too.

PolyRoleModels: So the only groups, project,s websites, blogs, etc. that you- that you’re involved with that you'd like to promote?

Ev’Yan Whitney: Yeah they can find me on my website sexloveliberation.com. They can also find me on my Instagram which is Evyan.Whitney. I write a lot about sex and sexuality and there's a lot of articles on my blog that talks about this process that my husband and I went through and finding out that we wanted to have an open relationship. And um it was a little messy and kind of funny but you know, it was a really great way for me to chronicle that journey and process it in no time.

PolyRoleModels: Awesome. Awesome. Thank you so much for taking the time and contributing so much and being be- opening yourself for a PolyRoleModels.

Ev’Yan Whitney: Thank you. Thank you so much for having me.

—

Support Inclusive Polyamorous Representation at  https://www.patreon.com/PolyRoleModels

[brilliantorinsane]

Sherlock Holmes, 1899: Detective 2.0 (Part 1)

Note: As always, please let me know if you want to be tagged or untagged :)

… Look, I said I wasn’t going to write about this one. And I know that it hardly counts as an. ‘obscure’ adaptation, although to be fair it doesn’t appear often in tumblr discussions. But Sherlock Holmes by William Gillette is the first ever licensed Holmes adaptation, so of course I had to read it, and then I had thoughts and—well, here we are.

This is the fourth installment of my series on obscure Sherlock Holmes adaptations. For a master-list of previous write-ups, see this post.

Production and Reception

William Gillette’s Sherlock Holmes exists in two primary iterations. The first is a play released in 1899 (you can read the script here), and the second is a 1916 silent-film starring several of the stage actors, including Gillette as Holmes. This post will discuss the play only; I will review the film in part 2.

The original script for Sherlock Holmes was written by Doyle, but his script was rejected and heavily reworked by William Gillette. Gillette’s script showcases an original plot, although it features Moriarty and Alice Falukner, a loose Irene Adler analogue. Disappointingly, the parallel between Alice and Irene is purely circumstantial: Alice has much of Irene’s courage but none of her active cleverness, and is reduced to a paper-thin damsel-in-distress. This is even more unfortunate given that—contrary to Doyle’s wishes—Gillette makes her Holmes’s love interest, thus initiating the hellish proliferation of Adler/Holmes storylines. So … thanks for that one, Gillette.

The play was wildly successful, and Alan Barns asserts that it has been “crucial to the development of Sherlock Holmes on film … [i]ts impact cannot be overestimated.” Even Doyle appears to have softened towards the play after seeing it performed, and is quoted by Vincent Starrett as saying: “I was charmed both with the play, the acting, and the pecuniary result." Whether Doyle was more pleased by the art or the currency is perhaps unclear.

For myself, insofar as it is the first Holmes adaptation I find this play fascinating; but insofar as it is just one of many retellings, my feelings are mixed. I confess I kept comparing it to Doyle’s stage adaptation of The Speckled Band (you can read the script here and my analysis here), and Gillette’s play seldom looked better for it. I found Doyle’s plot more compelling, his villain more threatening, and his characters more vibrant. All the same I was not bored reading Gillette’s play, got a few laughs, appreciated Gillette’s Watson and was intrigued—if not wholly pleased—by his Holmes.

But I hope you don’t think me terribly petty if I confess that I struggle to entirely forgive Gillette for launching the legacy of Holmes adaptations with a ‘straight’ Holmes.

William Gillette as Sherlock Holmes

There are things I quite like about Gillette’s Holmes. He is deeply composed, but fully capable of action and self-defense. He has plenty of snark, is openly affectionate with his Watson, yet is deeply troubled—he cannot be accused of being without feeling.

Nevertheless, I suspect that he played a large role in establishing the stereotype of the hard-boiled detective, the DFP, the detached and cold-hearted reasoning machine. Gillette consistently leans into Holmes darker and more reserved qualities: his Holmes is almost always composed and never excited—although he is often quietly amused—and there is little sense of his love for an audience. The extremity of his cocaine habit is emphasized, to the point that he is clearly suicidal—an aspect that is belabored rather frequently.

But the thing that really irks me is the case. The case is loosely based on A Scandal in Bohemia, in which Holmes is working for a prince in an attempt to gain incriminating letters/pictures from a woman. Scandal is an anomaly in the canon insofar as Holmes is not strictly on the side of justice—either in the audience’s eyes or his own—and yet goes through with it (x). This is distinctly unusual for a man who ordinarily allows nothing, including the law, to sway him from what he sees as true justice. And yet it is this dark deviation that Gillette chooses as the framework for presenting Holmes to a new and wider audience.

And look—there’s nothing wrong with exploring Holmes’s darker side. But I still struggle with the characterization on two levels:

I’m not saying the persistence of this darker Holmes in public imagination was Gillette’s fault; he’s hardly responsible for all adaptations that followed his. I just … I just would have liked the legacy of Holmes adaptations not to begin with a straight, hard(er)-hearted Holmes.

Frankly, I find the ‘borderline-cruel straight white guy is redeemed because a pretty young girl saw his secret golden heart’ plot infinitely more tired and less compelling than the complex, transgressive, damaged, but deeply kind character Doyle created.

Edward Fielding as John Watson

If Gillette perpetuated some of my least favorite Holmes stereotypes, on the whole the same cannot be said of his portrayal of Watson. Yes, Watson is sidelined to make room for Alice, and like the other characters in the script I found him a bit … flat. But he is never portrayed as a fool, his role was somewhat larger than I expected, his connection to Holmes is palpable, and if I had a checklist of characteristics a good Watson ought to posses, he would do a surprisingly good job checking them off.

The first thing we know of Watson is Holmes’s affection for him. The second is Watson’s protectiveness of Holmes as he expresses his distress over Holmes’s cocaine habit and the danger posed by Moriarty. We also get a sense of Watson’s attraction to danger when he observes, “this is becoming interesting,” as matters become tense.

My favorite moment, however, comes near the end when Watson is alone and  two false patients come in, attempting to set a trap for Holmes. Watson not only catches on to their facades immediately, he also notices that the blind had been raised when he briefly stepped out of the room. So thanks to Gillette’s script, we get to see Watson be clever, observant, and a great doctor all at once—a rare occurrence in early adaptations.

As much as I enjoy this scene, however, it also gets at my one major disappointment with Gillette’s Watson: although he is entirely capable, he is never given anything to do. In this instance, when Watson realizes his ‘patients’ are setting a trap he begins to act; but then Holmes appears and takes charge. Later Watson blocks the window and closes the blinds to avoid a signal being sent out to Moriarty—but only at Holmes’s instructions. And this, sadly, is the consistent pattern of the play.

In the end, I was left with a confusing dual sense that on the one hand Gillette seems to have a fairly good grasp of Watson and his capabilities, but on the other doesn’t really seem to know what to do with him. He seems to know that Watson is important, but not how he is important.

So … What About Johnlock?

After everything I’ve said, that’s clearly a hard ‘no,’ right? Well, sort of—they certainly aren’t riding off into the sunset together, but I still find myself with rather too much to say on this topic. To my mind, there are four categories worth touching on: a). The relative strength of the Holmes/Alice relationship vs the Holmes/Watson relationship, b). subtext carried over from Doyle’s stories, c). queer elements of the Holmes/Alice relationship, and d). assorted moments.

a). Holmes/Alice vs Holmes/Watson

Here’s the thing: my complaints about the Holmes/Alice romance aren’t just because Holmes is gay and in love with Watson. They are also because Gillette couldn’t have written more of a dime-a-dozen (+vaguely sexist) hetero romance if he tried. Here is a point-by-point summary of their ‘relationship’:

Holmes is on the point of further stripping agency away from a helpless girl who has been physically and psychologically abused for months.

Alice cries.

Holmes doesn’t do the cruel thing (he’s still planning to do it, but Alice doesn’t know).

They are now in love.

I’m not exaggerating here: in terms of length the above scene is hardly a blip in the play, and yet next time they see each other Alice is saying that if Holmes dies she wants to die too. Yep.

On the other hand, the relationship between Sherlock and Watson is established and their care for one another is palpable. Watson first appears immediately after Holmes refuses to see Mrs. Hudson, clearly wishing to be alone. But then his boy Billy comes up, and this exchange follows:

BILLY: It's Doctor Watson, sir. You told me as I could always show 'im up. HOLMES: Well! I should think so. (Rises and meets WATSON.) BILLY: Yes, sir, thank you, sir. Dr. Watson, sir! 

(Enter DR. WATSON. BILLY, grinning with pleasure as he passes in, goes out at once.) 

HOLMES (extending left hand to WATSON): Ah, Watson, dear fellow. WATSON (going to HOLMES and taking his hand): How are you, Holmes? HOLMES: I'm delighted to see you, my dear fellow, perfectly delighted, upon my word.

The affection, intimacy, eagerness for one another’s company, and trust evident in these first lines remains throughout the script, and puts Holmes and Alice’s hurried and stilted relationship to shame.

Ultimately Holmes marries Alice and Watson is sidelined, but the relationship between him and Watson remains the more palpable and affecting.

b). Subtext carried over from Doyle’s stories

There are at least two threads that are strongly reminiscent of subtextual cornerstones in Doyle’s canon. Perhaps they are intentional, or perhaps Gillette borrowed them from the stories/Doyle’s original script without reading them the way we do, but they exist nonetheless.

The first is Holmes’s cocaine use. In the canon Holmes occasionally claims that he uses drugs to escape the crushing boredom of inactivity between cases, but The Sign of Four in particular makes it clear that he also uses them for emotional comfort—specifically to cope with loosing Watson to Mary. A similar pattern is evident in Gillette’s play: his Holmes claims that the threat of Moriarty “saves me any number of doses of those deadly drugs,” and yet Watson points out that Holmes has been using the drugs “in ever-increasing doses” despite the fact that he has been engaged in his most all-consuming case—fighting Moriarty—for fourteen months. But the cause of Holmes’s increasing drug use and attendant suicidal depression is far less clear in here than it is in the canon.

Hollow as his semi-frequent ‘because I’m bored’ explanations ring in light of Moriarty, I am inclined to think Holmes is most honest near the end when describing his distress over his treatment of Alice:

HOLMES (turning suddenly to WATSON): Watson—she trusted me! She—clung to me! … and I was playing a game! … a dangerous game – but I was playing it! It will be the same to-night! She'll be there —I'll be here! She'll listen—she'll believe—and she'll trust me—and I'll—be playing—a game. No more – I've had enough! It's my last case!

To me this clearly reads as an ongoing distress which was brought to a head by Holmes’s association with Alice rather than originating with it—“I’ve had enough! It’s my last case” indicates that the dilemma is linked to Holmes’s work as a whole, not the affair with Alice particularly. The surface (and likely intended) reading of this is that the work was a decent antidote for boredom for a time, but was ultimately too empty of real connection to be fulfilling in the long term, resulting in Holmes’s ultimate spiral into depression.

However, it also works surprisingly well for a queer reading: Holmes’s prior life was in some way a facade, “a dangerous game” perhaps involving the ongoing deception of someone he cared about. Interesting ...

A queer reading of his deterioration is further supported by the fact that Watson is married in this story. While we don’t now how long he has been married, one wonders whether his absence might coincide with the increase in Holmes’s drug habits—it seems possible that Gillette recognized the link between cocaine and Watson’s marriage in the cannon and intended committed fans to likewise make the connection in the play.

Another interesting moment comes when Holmes is lamenting ‘the good old days,’ and in theory he is complaining about the un-originality of criminals. But although he begins by speaking of what “I” used to do, later he slips into “we.” Is he really missing the old days of criminal creativity, or is he missing the time when he had a constant companion to share them with?

In short, although Gillette is likely appropriating the cocaine and never-quite-explained melancholy of the canon merely to portray Holmes having a mid-life crisis, it works surprisingly well—and in my opinion more compellingly—to read it as the fallout from the loss of his companion for whom he had socially inadmissible feelings which kept him playing a duplicitous game. (Unfortunately the side-effect of this reading might be that the solution is for Holmes to step out of the ‘dangerous game,’ leaving his old life in Baker Street in literal ashes, and into the clear light of a heterosexual relationship, which is, uh … Wrong).

One other brief matter of note: to my great amusement this play also joins canon in playing the game of the vanishing wife. Watson has scarcely entered the story before Holmes comments on Mary’s (timely as ever) absence on “a little visit,” and near the end we discover that Holmes and Watson have planned a trip to the continent (!). How long is the trip? Is Mary coming? Does she have other plans? How does she feel about her husband gallivanting off to another country with a man pursued by a master criminal??? Meh. Who knows.

Miss Plot Device does, however, appear briefly and silently offstage when Watson wants Holmes to peek in at her for a quick lesson on domesticity.

c). Queer elements of the Holmes/Alice relationship

We’ve established that their relationship is as dime-a-dozen and cringey as literary relationships come. However, in the final scenes Holmes has admitted his affection for her to Watson but believes he must set them aside for the following reasons:

HOLMES: That girl!—young—exquisite—just beginning her sweet life—I—seared, drugged, poisoned, almost at an end! No! no! I must cure her! I must stop it, now—while there's time!

And again, when Alice has confessed her love for him:

HOLMES: no such person as I should ever dream of being a part of your sweet life! It would be a crime for me to think of such a thing! There is every reason why I should say good-bye and farewell! There is every reason—

So essentially, he sees his love for almost as some sort of disease, even a crime, something that would endanger the one he loves, that he ought to resist for their sake; only he is quite wrong and that love is in fact the way to happiness for them both … Hmm. Well then.

d). Assorted

There were a few moments in the script which do not fit within a wider thematic arc, but which I couldn’t go without mentioning.

1. Upon Watson’s first appearance, Holmes greets him and then says:

HOLMES: I'm delighted to see you, my dear fellow, perfectly delighted, upon my word—but—I'm sorry to observe that your wife has left you in this way.

Okay, so Mary has only left for a visit and is back the next day, but is it just me or did Holmes make it sound like she’d left Watson for good?? Because if that was intentional, that a first-class Petty Gay antic.

2. The cocaine scene near the beginning ends with these line:

WATSON (going near HOLMES—putting hand on HOLMES' shoulder) Ah Holmes—I am trying to save you. HOLMES (earnest at once—places right hand on WATSON'S arm): You can't do it, old fellow—so don't waste your time.

Partly I’m just struck by the tenderness of the moment, which is heightened by the stage directions. But I also wonder—why couldn’t Watson save Holmes when Alice presumably can? Apparently Holmes needs romantic affection to move forward. If he believed that Watson was capable of offering him that, would Gillette’s Holmes accept it?

3. In a confrontation with the criminals, one of them reveals that they struck Watson at an earlier stage of the conflict. Holmes’s response?

HOLMES (to ALICE without turning—intense, rapid): Ah!

(CRAIGIN stops dead.) 

HOLMES: Don't forget that face. (Pointing to CRAIGIN.) In three days I shall ask you to identify it in the prisoner's dock.

Its not necessarily romantic, but I can’t pass over protective!Holmes, especially given its slight Garridebs vibe. I also can’t resist mentioning that this bit all but interrupts the first clearly romantic moment between Holmes and Alice.

4. Near the end, when Moriarty is captured and spewing threats of revenge, he declares that Holmes will encounter his retribution during his planned trip to the continent with Watson. Ever the optimist, Watson suggests that they cancel the trip, but Holmes replies:

It would be quite the same. What matters it here or there—if it must come.

There is nothing strange in the moment; what is curious is that, for all Holmes’s fears about the damage a relationship with Alice might do her, the very real threat of Moriarty is never mentioned. Realistically this is likely a bit of sloppy writing, and yet the resultant image of an omnipotent web (and yes, the spider’s web metaphor is used for Moriarty in the play) which will inescapably pursue Holmes and Watson wherever they flee and yet leaves the appropriately heterosexual Holmes at Alice alone is, um, Really Something.

5. Finally, as I wrap up I cannot resist calling your attention to a number of lines and stage directions which are (almost definitely) meaningless in context, but out of context are too delightfully gay to ignore. Here they are, presented entirely without context for your viewing pleasure:

HOLMES: Mrs. Watson! Home! Love! Life! Ah, Watson!

HOLMES: I must have that. (Turns away towards WATSON.) I must have that.

HOLMES: (Saunters over to above WATSON'S desk.)

HOLMES: Why, this is terrible! (Turns back to WATSON. Stands looking in his face.)

… I’ll just leave those there.

After everything, the question of whether Gillette might have seen or suspected a romance between Holmes and Watson is unresolved. For myself, I vacillate regularly on how likely I think it is. This excellent post gets into why it is quite likely that Gillette may at the least have seen Holmes and Watson's relationship as a homoerotic (but strictly sexless and ultimately woman-mediated) friendship. Thus at minimum he could have intended to hint at the pain of moving away from such a deeply bonded friendship. From there it is not difficult to imagine the that he could have speculated the possibility that something in their relationship or desires moved beyond what was acceptable in Victorian society. Even if he did  there remain two very distinct possibilities: a). That he was secretly supportive and despite protecting himself with a socially acceptable paring tried to hint at the pain of a forbidden love and even queer-coded the heterosexual resolution, or b). That he saw himself as ‘saving’ Holmes from ‘self-destructive game’ of his old love, redeeming him through the all-healing power of heterosexuality (ugh).

On the other hand, there is also a highly eminent possibility that I’m just looking too hard, and nothing I thought I might see was intended to mean anything in that way.

Ultimately, at this stage my only conclusion is that the evidence is inconclusive. But I will say this: regardless of intention, the relationship between Holmes and Watson remains the strongest and most poignant in the play, and faithfulness to elements of the cannon results in moments that sure do make it look like something is up. If nothing else, that made me smile.

Conclusion: Should You Read It?

Well, it depends on what you’re looking for. If you’re looking for a particularly compelling/unique/vibrant take on Sherlock Holmes, or even just a story with a thrilling plot, intriguing concepts, and living characters, this isn’t a bad choice—but you could do better. (This is where I remind you that Doyle’s play, The Adventure of the Speckle Band, is genuinely excellent). But if you’re looking for an entertaining play which also happens to be the first Sherlock Holmes adaptation in existence and which had an enormous impact on every adaptation that came after—then yeah. Go read it. It’s right here! Have fun! And if you post about it, whoever you are, I would deeply appreciate a tag :)

@devoursjohnlock​ @thespiritualmultinerd​ @a-candle-for-sherlock​ @ellinorosterberg​ @cuttydarke​ @inevitably-johnlocked​ @alemizu​ @astronbookfilms​ @battledress​ @disregardedletters​ @materialof1being​ @sarahthecoat​ @spenglernot​ @authordrawingmusic​ @hewascharming​ @infodumpingground @rsfcommonplace @the-elephant-is-pink​ @johnhedgehogwatson​ @lokis-warrior-queen @sonnet59​ @sherlocks-final-resolve-is-love​ @artemisastarte​ @tjlcisthenewsexy​ @nottoolateforthegame​

[jauneflowers]

Queer-er than thou

The last few weeks, I’ve considered the direction I wanted to take with my writing. As usual, in an act of cathartic therapy, I try to reflect on the thoughts that plague me. Unpack them, step back out of them and see them for what they really are. One particular one I’d like to write about today is one that has always sort-of followed me around, but was ignited in my mind fully by an encounter last summer. I think about that encounter a lot. In this piece I want to touch on gatekeeping around queer identity, what a queer identity ‘is’ and how this event impacted me. I’ve always feared rejection in queer circles, an internalised transphobia or perhaps biphobia that made me worry that others would take an aspect of my life, deem it unqueer and cast me out because of it. I want to unpack this event and how the words of strangers stick to us and exclude us from being part of the community. If you do not wish to read about awkward situations, defining queerness and musings about identity. I suggest you stop reading now!

First of all, I want you to think of queer identity. Picture it in your head. Put symbols and images to the thought. Perhaps consider what you have pictured. Why that? What made you think of those things? Why is that queer to you? Do you think other people would have thought about what you thought about? This is the intangible essence of queerness that is integral to its very idea, or non-idea. Anyone that knows me knows I spend a lot of time thinking about what queer means, which is a funny idea in itself. I’ve done academic work around queerness where I have attempted to capture the meaning of queer in a very subjective way, perhaps by using other people’s works or- in the example of my Dissertation- the definitions created by queer people participating as research subjects. I don’t think queer has a definition, I came to that decision through life experience nevermind my research. I do, however, think Queer has an essence. There are things that you look at and you know they’re queer, but it’s not always for the obvious reasons. There are things that share a common trait, and then share a queer element to them. It is not black and white. I want to start here because I think it illustrates a point I wish to make, as well as the aforementioned situation I experienced last summer. 

It’s July 2019. You’re me, thrilled at the prospect that you are going to Pride with friends. A friend I’d had through my teenage years invited me back to Bristol to go to Pride there. We’d done it the year before, but this year they were going with a bigger group of friends and wanted me to tag along too. It was a sweet gesture and, since I’d just gotten out of an extremely rocky breakup, I wanted to let my hair down and have fun! I booked a coach, packed my bags and trundled down to Victoria to get there. The coach was packed, containing some other pride dwellers, but I had managed to snag a window seat. As the coach filled, someone with a very cool lobster bag came to sit next to me. They had blue hair, a friendly smile and a wicked outfit, and I couldn’t help but compliment their bag as they sat down. The lobster was extremely cute and glittery, it was great. We chatted for a bit. They got their bag from Tiger, I expressed that I loved my rainbow bag from Tiger and that it felt nice to have something that represented my identity. They asked if I was going to Pride in Bristol and we found out we had a similar destination, it was nice. However, things soon took a turn for the worst. I complimented their hair and expressed excitement that I was currently saving my money to dye my hair a “nice, queer pink”, referring to the liberation symbol and the colour of a LGBTQ+ Studies module I’d taken that year.

 It all went downhill from there, with what they said in reply. 

“See, I don’t have to dye my hair for people to know I’m queer. You however… Yeah, I don’t think anyone would believe you’re queer.” 

Oh. 

My cheeks burned and my face fell. In all honesty, I can’t completely recall if that’s what they said, because I knew where the sentence was going and I already was starting to tune out. What could’ve been a potential friend exposed themselves all too quickly to be someone who was the ‘perfect queer’. Everything I spoke about, even when they asked me for ideas, was wrong. I didn’t want top surgery, so I wasn’t queer. Even if I did want it, I couldn’t afford it so I wasn’t queer. I’d recently had a boyfriend, so I wasn’t queer. I had long hair, so I definitely wasn’t nonbinary, never mind queer. Every moment of the conversation was riddled with their queer-er than thou state of mind. There was an idea of queerness that they had, and because I didn’t fit it… well. I wasn’t queer. 

I put up with the grueling last hours of this coach ride with this constant invalidation, too sad to say shut the fuck up. The idea of my invalid queerness was drilled into me during that coach ride. And it didn’t stop when I left the coach and said goodbye. It didn’t stop when I spent time with my friends at Pride. It didn’t stop when I got back on the coach and went home. It definitely didn’t stop. I still think about it, even today. I think about you. The person who said this to me, and the way you must view the world. Sometimes I wonder if you dwell on what you said to me as often as I do. When you choose clothes for the day, do you dress wondering if LGBT+ strangers will tell you you’re not one of them? When you dye your hair, do you have an almost ritualistic moment where you think of the irony of what you said to me that day? Do you fear kinship with other queer people, because you’re scared they won’t see you as queer? I do all of these things. You struck a match and could’ve lit a candle, but you burned me instead. 

I wish I hadn’t complimented your fucking lobster bag. 

I digress… 

So what do we learn from this experience? Well. We learn the effect of what a solidified queer idea can do to other people. When you pen queerness into a box, look desperately for labels and things to define it with, you cut out actual, real queer people. Queerness, at its at its dictionary definition is:

 “The quality or characteristic of having a sexual or gender identity that does not correspond to established ideas of sexuality and gender, especially heterosexual norms.”

And even then, that dictionary definition is very, extremely broad in the long term. I don’t tend to stick to it too closely with my own queerness. When we behave queer-er than thou, to place our own queerness high above the definitions and conceptions of others, we tell them they’re not worth it, not good. They don’t fit in, they’re not right. In this case, how are we any better than those who use queer as a slur? Queer, if you choose it as an identity lable, is an intangible identity made up of concepts, ideas, physical things (I know I said intangible, but you get what I mean) and actions. To gate keep and to define and, to wax on about what queerness MUST be means we exclude and take away. Of course, the irony of me writing this piece is not lost on me. However, I hope this reflection helps myself and other queer people to be concscious of how we approach queerness in the world, how we hold it. Is it a choke hold or an embrace? Is it black and white, or shades of grey? What do you think? 

[sapphicscholar]

Could you write a fic where all of the Superfriends (starting with Alex) get turned into the animals of their Hogwarts Houses? (For instance, Alex would be turned into a snake.) probably due to an alien virus or something, or alien tech, or any other reason you can think of.

Re: the prompt with the Superfriends turning into their House animals: that could be done via magic too, and maybe would make more sense to do it that way since why would a random alien know about Harry Potter, right? Maybe Mxy decides to play more pranks. (I think fifth dimensional imps are magic. Probably) I dunno.

Just posted on AO3

A/N: So, since I had requests for more Hogwarts AU, I went ahead and aged them up to make them HP AU adults for this one to make sense – apologies that not all the superfriends are here, but I went with the crew most likely to be found at the downtown base of the DEO minus J’onn (you’ll see why soon enough). Hopefully this works for ya!

Also…holy crap, I’ve never felt more high without being high nor been more grateful for having immersed myself in the world of Animal Studies and read (and reread) Donna Haraway or Thomas Nagel’s “What Is it Like to Be a Bat?” Also…learned SO MANY animal facts.

Chapter Text:

“Wake up,” Maggie hissed, nudging Alex with her elbow.

“Huh?” Startled, Alex jerked awake, her quill streaking a dark scratch across her notebook.

Rolling her eyes, Maggie waved her wand and wordlessly erased the extra ink so that Alex would be able to read her notes, not that they said much she didn’t already know.

“Your fault I’m this tired,” Alex murmured back, pulling a smirk and a low chuckle from Maggie.

“Didn’t hear you complaining last night…”

“Danvers! Sawyer! Is there something more important right now than your first day of work?”

“No, Director J’onzz,” Alex replied, looking appropriately bashful even if she knew he only said something to avoid the appearance of favoritism. She caught Kara’s expression as she spun around to stick her tongue out at her. It suddenly felt like the few years they’d spent together in muggle school before beginning at Hogwarts, back when her mom had managed to convince the school that Kara would be more comfortable being in classes with her big sister whenever possible.

“As I was saying,” J’onn continued, “today marks your first day as a member of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement’s Auror Office. You have all proven yourselves worthy through years of study and testing, but I warn you against thinking that might be enough on its own. None of you will be allowed into the field until you have completed your first year of intensive training. From here on out, you should think of your task force like your family. You will eat together, train together, and, when the time comes, go out into the field together.”

“Like Hogwarts houses!” Kara chimed in.

“Yes, Ms. Danvers,” J’onn admitted, dipping his head and trying not to let his smile at her chipper demeanor show.

“Or like the muggle military…” Alex trailed off, not wanting to be outdone.

“Yes, Ms. Danvers…the elder. Given the rigorous nature of this training, that is, perhaps, the more apt comparison.” Alex arched an eyebrow at Kara in challenge when J’onn turned to pace in front of the room. “Now your task force captains will take you for the rest of the day for some team bonding and an overview of your next few weeks of training. I ask that you give them your full attention and respect.”

The new recruits nodded and quickly moved to gather their belongings before finding their teams. Alex and Maggie sauntered over to where James, Kara, and Winn had already gathered, then followed them down the hallway to their assigned meeting room.

“I’m so glad we’re all together!” Kara squealed, nearly bouncing in excitement as she carefully stacked her belongings on one corner of the small conference table.

“More like glad that J’onn likes us enough to let us all be on the same team,” Alex corrected her, sinking down into a seat and pulling at Maggie’s hand to try to get her to join her.

“It’s a shame Vasquez couldn’t come with us,” Winn sighed. Sure, Vasquez liked pulling pranks on him every now and then, but they had gotten close over the years at Hogwarts, and he would miss seeing her every day.

“I’m sure she’ll find some way to amuse herself with Lucy out at the East Coast branch…” Maggie trailed off, wiggling her eyebrows suggestively as she leaned into Alex’s side. James rubbed at the back of his neck, trying to find the right expression that showed how supportive he was of his ex-girlfriend’s newest relationship without looking overly enthusiastic either.

“Recruits!” came a booming voice, and Alex felt her posture straighten as she looked for the source of the sound. “I am Auror Potter—no, no relation, and you would do well not to ask. I’ll be your task force captain for the next year. I expect you to show up to work on time each morning and be ready to give me 110 %. I don’t promise this will be fun, but if you follow my lead, at the end of it, I promise you’ll be ready to go out into the field alongside the very best we have to offer.” He surveyed the group of them, trying to place the faces to the bios he’d received from the Department.

“Winn Schott!” he called out, smiling to himself when the smaller boy stumbled forward, quickly righting himself as he saluted.

“No salutes necessary, Schott.”

“Oh, uh, right.”

“We’ll go around and do brief introductions – I want to know what you all bring to this team. You can start.”

“Yes, sir!” With a deep breath, Winn began, “I, uh, I spent the last year doing some tech work with the Muggle Relations Division. We—er, muggles, I mean—they have certain kinds of technology, like, they have portable phones instead of two-way mirrors or floo powder calls. Anyway, some of them had found ways of using technology to detect our presence—finding signs of life in places we had hidden from their view, the like. I worked on creating measures to combat detection” Alex looked beyond intrigued, though Maggie just bit back a laugh at how amazed everyone seemed by muggle technology. She’d grown up around it and, if truth be told, still thought some of it was vastly preferable; she’d take a text over the dizziness of spinning her head into a friend’s fireplace any day, though of course, with so few muggle friends left, she rarely had a choice in the matter.

“Given the nature of your position on our team, you’ll be spending part of your training with our codebreakers and the rest of your time with your team,” Potter explained to Winn, who nodded and sat back in his seat when it was clear that his part was done.

“Danvers?”

Alex looked up, while Kara jumped to her feet, smiling broadly.

“Ah, right…the sisters.” Kara and Alex glanced at each other, wondering how much J’onn might have mentioned to their captain, who looked very much like he was trying not to smile. “We’ll start with Alexandra.”

“It’s Alex, sir.”

“Noted.”

“Well, I took some time off after graduating from Hogwarts before beginning the Auror Training Program to travel. I went and worked studying magical creatures—their physiology, magical properties, uses in healing. But I’m back now and excited about my work here.”

“Suck up,” Maggie whispered, stifling a laugh at the annoyed expression that flashed across Alex’s features.

“It says here you specialized in dragons?”

“Mhm,” Alex confirmed with a nod.

“Interesting…could come in handy.” Alex grinned. “Now Kara, you’re fresh out of Hogwarts, right?”

“I am, but I am more than ready!”

Potter couldn’t help a small smile at her enthusiasm. “You wouldn’t be here if we didn’t think you were qualified. Next up: James Olsen.”

James raised his hand a bit in acknowledgement. “I know I’m a bit…older than most of the new aurors, but I just…I liked my career at the Daily Prophet, but I couldn’t help but feel like there were ways I could be better at serving the community, doing more good than what I could do behind a desk or a camera.”

“I didn’t start out as an auror myself,” Potter admitted with a small shrug of his shoulders. “No right or wrong way to get here. Well…I wouldn’t recommend floo powder, actually. The department’s fireplaces are rather small—personally I almost always end up banging my head on the way out.” He turned to Maggie, the last on his list. “And last but not least: Magdalena Sawyer.”

“Maggie,” she clarified. “Yeah, I spent the past couple of years traveling with Alex, though I was working as an apprentice to a wandmaker.”

“Ah, which one?”

“Violetta Beauvais’ granddaughter.”

“Interesting choice. Not Ollivander?”

Shaking her head, Maggie cleared her throat, figuring there was always going to be the moment of outing at any new job. “No, I, uh, I wanted to support a woman working in a male-dominated industry. Plus, she’s a queer woman and all—felt like we would work well together.”

Alex managed to cover her small snort of laughter with a cough. “Felt like you would work well under her is more like it,” Alex whispered when Potter turned his attention to the board in the front of the room.

“Didn’t hear you complaining that New Year’s Eve we all spent together,” Maggie taunted, stopping only when she caught sight of Kara’s scandalized look. Turning her attention back to the front of the room, Maggie heard their captain saying something about team-building exercises. She tried not to groan at the idea as he motioned for them all to follow him down to one of the training rooms.

“And this is the one,” he finally announced. “Now hand me your wands.”

Slowly but surely they handed them over, though Alex eyed him suspiciously, wondering if this were some kind of test. It seemed like they should know better than to leave themselves defenseless, though she eventually relented.

“Head into the room.” James led the way, looking around to try to figure out what their first exercise might be. The room was fairly plain: one table, one small window, and a few chairs. “Your task will be to escape.” Winn furrowed his eyebrows, looking between the captain and the unlocked very much open door. “Ah, we’ll be locking you in here. The key will be directly outside of the door.” They looked between themselves, shrugging. It didn’t seem a particularly difficult challenge. “Once you escape, you will need to retrieve a set of three small sensors.”

“How will we know where to look for them?” Kara asked.

“You’ll know,” he answered, dismissing further questions with a wave of his hand. “You’ll have half an hour.”

Even with the two tasks, it still seemed rather doable. Their confident expressions soon gave way as a team of aurors—all slightly older—approached, a few of them not bothering to hide their smirks. After all, it wasn’t every day they got to haze the newbies. In unison they raised their wands then brought them swishing down. With five flashes of light and a few cut-off cries of surprise, they stepped back, locking the door behind them with a loud laugh. Left behind in the room were five sets of robes and five animals—two confused badgers, one coiled snake, one squawking eagle, and one massive lion.

Alex found herself enveloped in darkness, and she fought to see in front of her. Her senses were suddenly overwhelmed with the sound and feel of low vibrations, and she surged forward, feeling as her whole body slithered, moving forward in one lithe, curling movement. Eventually she felt her head emerge from the cloth. Acting on instinct, Alex let her tongue dart out from her mouth, though she had to admit, nothing quite felt like a mouth or tongue in the sense that she knew. But as she did, she was overwhelmed with the scents of animals that she was fairly certain she wouldn’t have recognized by smell before this moment. She spun around and was struck by the startling outlines of the animals she smelled—two smallish badgers, both of whom somehow smelled familiar; a bird that she watched flutter about; and a lion that seemed to be pacing the room. Hit with a desperate need for warmth, she slithered toward the ray of sunlight illuminating one small square of the room. She would think once she was warm.

Maggie and Kara clawed at their robes, and once Maggie was free, she took off toward the scent of another badger and came to stand beside her. Kara tried to look forward but found she could barely see at all. She suspected this would make the task significantly harder, though she found that she could smell everything. Maggie sniffed the air, finding the scent of something that seemed intensely familiar. She waddled across the room, noting the clicking of long nails. That was quite the change from the usual, she laughed to herself. As she got closer to the smell, she could feel her fur raising, but she tamped down on the instinct to treat as prey and possible dinner what smelled and looked, in its vague outline, like a snake, trying to remind herself that what she knew from before needed to outweigh any animal urges. As a large beast lumbered toward her and the snake that for some reason she felt compelled to protect, Maggie’s lips curled back and she pushed her claws forward, her hips and hindquarters raising slightly as she let out a loud hiss.

James reared back at the small but somehow intimidating creature in front of him, crouching and letting off a fairly repugnant odor. He thought perhaps he was the only one from the group left as he pawed at the ground, letting out a small growl of annoyance that had another one of the creatures raising its nose in the air and turning in his direction. He wondered if his new form would be able to simply knock the door forward. With as much of a running start as he could manage in the small room, he lunged forward, finding himself flung backwards with what he could only assume was magical force. So the door was out.

Winn fluttered nervously above the others, looking down at the sight below him. He swooped in high circles above the room, eventually coming to roost on the narrow windowsill after one mistaken attempt at crashing through the glass pane. As he looked through it, he was astounded at just how far he could see, looking out over the treetops and well into the surrounding neighborhood. He wondered if they’d ever make it out of the room and watched as the lion was sent sprawling back across the stone floor.

Despite her instincts screaming at her to flee, Alex found herself slithering under the badger that had come over to her, basking in the warmth of the thick fur. Maggie lowered her already short body down.

Across the room, Kara dug desperately at the floor, finding even her thick, long claws futile against the weathered stones.

Noting the attempts of many of those around him to help, James reasoned they might actually be his team. In an attempt to get their attention, he let out a loud roar, unaware of the crowd of aurors that had gathered outside the enchanted door who flung themselves back at the sound.

Alex popped her head up at the sound, having felt it vibrate and rumble across the ground. She hissed back, as did the two badgers, and the eagle let out a squawk. Oh. Oh! As she watched the other badger dig and the lion lunge at the walls and the eagle fly into the window for a second time, she realized that perhaps this was her team. She hadn’t been transported into some other dimension. She darted her tongue out, flicking it against the side of the face of the badger who she’d been cuddling, and somehow, she wasn’t sure how, she just knew it was Maggie. And oh! Badgers. Two of them. That smelled like home. Because they were home. Because they were Maggie and Kara. Because they were Hufflepuffs. And she was a snake because she was a Slytherin. Which made the charging lion James and the now perched eagle Winn. And oh dear god they were never getting out of here.

But James’ roar seemed to help everyone gradually realize that they were still a team. A team without language or opposable thumbs, but a team goddammit. Having seen James repelled from the door and having watched Kara’s vain attempts at digging through the floor, Alex slithered around the perimeter, finding herself slamming face first into the walls a few more times than she would have liked. Eventually, though, she made it back, disappointed in the lack of any cracks she could exploit.

Realizing his squawks weren’t attracting much attention compared to the roar, Winn tapped loudly against the glass pane of the window. His beak wasn’t going to crack it, but at least he hadn’t been magically forced backward, which must mean something. Eventually he flapped down, settling on James’ back and finally catching his attention. He flew back and forth between James and the window until he finally caught the motion and seemed to understand.

James sat back on his haunches, regarding the window. It was small—much too small for him to fit through. He suspected if he lunged forward, he’d catch the stone wall before he ever had the opportunity to smash through the glass. But then he felt a cold thing twisting around his paw, and as he raised his arm to shake it off, he felt it coil tightly around him before two small fangs sunk into him, and he let out a loud mewl of pain.

Alex would have rolled her eyes if she could have. She barely even bit him, but at least she had his attention. Once he settled down and Alex uncurled herself from his front paw, he finally seemed to catch her meaning and backed up as far as he could in the small room, lunging forward paw first at the window as soon as Winn had flown away from it. The first time it wavered but didn’t crack. The second time he heard the sound of the glass splintering, though it didn’t give way. And finally it crashed through. He bounded back with a yelp of pain, sitting back and licking at his paw, attempting to knock the small shards of glass out.

Meanwhile, Winn flew out through the broken window, allowing himself just a few moments of freedom as he swooped and soared over the trees before flying back to the building and darting in through the front door. He ducked and swerved out of the way of the other Ministry employees, watching with glee as they squealed in surprise and dove out of his path. Eventually he made it into an elevator, perching patiently on the railing as the wizards and witches who were unlucky enough to be with him regarded him warily. When they made it up to his floor he flew down the hallway, catching sight of the glinting key and hooking it with his claws before soaring back out the way he came and finally returning with the key. He managed to push it into the small lock, though he found himself unable to turn it.

Alex hissed until Winn finally landed near her, and she slithered up his body, winding himself around his neck and pushing at his beak until he finally lifted her up. Once more, she wrapped herself around the key, twisting until it turned with her, finally hearing the satisfying click as the door popped open. James rushed forward, nosing the door all the way open, and a snuffling Kara and Maggie followed close behind, running into a few walls as they went. Maggie wondered if this was how Alex felt without her glasses. Once they were out of the room, which, Maggie reasoned, must have been somehow enchanted, Maggie and Kara found their ears assaulted with a loud beeping. The sensors, Kara thought. Potter had told her they would know how to find them. Of course, being able to hear them didn’t make the lack of proper vision any less of an issue.

Between Winn and James, however, they had enough vision and size for the group of them, and they followed their impromptu pack leaders through the halls of the Ministry, delighting in hissing, nipping, and growling at the more senior aurors as they passed. Eventually Winn led them outside, and Maggie and Kara got straight to work, running as fast as their short legs could take them to the sound of the beeping that seemed to be coming from the heart of the grounds that surrounded the building. Suddenly feeling useful, Kara dove nose and claws first into a patch of dirt, burrowing until she latched onto the beeping sensor. A few yards away, Maggie did the same, feeling grateful she’d been able to do something other than help to keep Alex warm during their team mission.

With two of the three sensors gathered, the team followed the noise—whether felt as vibrations or heard as a grating sound—over to one of the gnarled old trees. James pawed at it, but found nothing. Kara and Maggie dug around the perimeter of it, only to find that the deeper into the ground they got, the further away they were from the sound. Eventually they turned to Alex, who slithered her way up the tree, attempting to focus on the feeling of the vibrating sounds, tracing them to a small crack in the trunk that she managed to wedge herself into, finally getting to what she was fairly certain was a sensor—not that it gave off any kind of heat for her infrared vision to catch it. After multiple attempts to angle herself properly to nose it out of the tree, Alex gritted her teeth (in theory, she couldn’t do much with a pair of fangs) and opened her jaw wide, fitting the whole thing into her mouth and praying it wouldn’t kill her when she turned back into a human.

With the three sensors in (figural) hands, they made their way back to the building, feeling every bit the part of the heroic team even if they didn’t look it.

“Two whole minutes to spare. Very impressive,” Potter greeted them at the entrance, watching as two clawed paws deposited sensors at his feet, and a snake unhinged its jaw, managing to get the sensor back out of its mouth. “Now back to the room with you!”

They all followed dutifully, finding the group of slightly older aurors waiting for them, wands at the ready. Once they had been shepherded back into their initial locked room, they were hit with transfiguration spells once more before the door locked—for their privacy, they soon realized, as they stumbled forward human once more but clothed no longer. Alex and Winn quickly threw on their robes, as did Maggie and Kara, whose attire littered with small, badger teeth-sized holes chewed across them but was at least passable. James, however, stood in the corner, clutching Winn in front of him like a shield. His robes lay in tatters; they hadn’t quite withstood the challenge of accommodating a lion, though he didn’t think Madame Malkin would accept that as an excuse for a return.

When Potter returned and tossed back their wands, Kara was kind enough to magic James’ robes back together before turning her attention to the small holes in her own, while Maggie patched up the damage she had wrought on hers.

“So…you passed day one.” Potter looked between them, gauging their reactions. “How does it feel?”

There were a few long moments of silence before Winn finally spoke up, his voice cracking slightly as he asked, “That’s day one?”