#fade rambes

[fadebolt]

Alrighty, art month is half over, so here are some takeaways I've had so far:

~ Preparing for it with a bunch of Nightcat x Spearmaster art was a good idea. Obviously, I did end up making very different kinds of art for most of the prompts, but it still removed that awkwardness of trying to draw after a really long break that I had to take cus midterms.

~ I'm actually a lot faster than I used to be. I'm still pretty slow overall, but I can make something look decent within 2-3 hours, which would have been completely unthinkable a year ago.

~ Burnout sucks. It's been getting harder and harder to do the prompts, and I feel like the quality of the results is slowly but surely decreasing.

~ Folks seem to like 'em just the same, though I did refrain from posting days where I was unhappy with what I ended up making. Dw, this is not me being self-loathing or anything, there are just some things I simply cannot do well within such a short timeframe. Plus, I'm often very tired. (But I did end up posting everything to Pansear's emote server, due to the whole challenge thing going on there, so if anyone's looking to see all the days, they can do so over there)

~ Speaking of folks, holy crap, I'm actually getting notes! It's not a very high amount, of course, but it still means that some people actually like and care about what I make, despite me being a no-name traditional artist that doesn't have enormous art experience.

~ And that's more than enough. After all, if I was making art to try and compete with people like Pansear and Northflowo, then the whole thing would be pretty pointless, would it not? There are hundreds of other RW artists out there in my exact position, and they are just as much a part of the community as the big names. (Plus I've seen many amazing pieces with very low numbers, so using them to determine quality is frankly dumb)

That's pretty much all the thoughts I've had so far. Everything is going way better than I expected, and let's hope that stays the same.

Peace!

[panthera-tigris-venenata]

Hi, I was reading your Haudrey and Uma one shot and I was thinking if you would do a one shot where Anxelin was nervous about entering a choir at School and Shang Jr was helping to gain confidence by playing his keyboard and started singing. Anxelin was in awe when she heard her male best friend sang, he sounded like an angel. So Anxelin gather courage and sang along with Jr by strumming her guitar. When Anxelin join up for the choir, she sang her mother's song(when will my life begin) and the judges were blown away. When Anxelin came back she told Jr about and excitedly jumped in his arms and hugged him. Then she realized it was her best friend she was hugging. She awkwardly unwrapped herself from Shang's embrace and the both of them laughed.

So this took me an eternity to answer, but here you go! I hope you like it, and that everyone else enjoys too!

...As always, I took some creative liberties, but it mostly matches. Just not exactly.

Anyway, enjoy! ♥♥♥

Anxelin

„And the auditions are tomorrow, it’s barely enough time to practise, I mean I know the song of course I do it’s my mom’s song, but it’s so little time and I’m nervous and school choir probably isn’t for me anyway–“ Anxelin paused her rambing, mostly just to take a breath, and moved her short hair from her eyes. She just cut it and dyed it recently, and it. Kept. Falling. Down.

It was driving her up the hall, really.

And! 

What’s worse, Shang Jr, her best friend was laughing. Laughing, would you believe it?!

„Hey!“ she protested that treatment.

„Chill, Anx,“ he told her, raising his hands in mock surrender, „You’ve got it, I’m sure. If you want to join the school choir, you get in. No debate on that one.“

Anxelin breathed in, to start arguing, but she barely got beyond agitated „But–“ when Junior cut her off again.

„No buts!“ he told her, „ “but” isn’t how my mom won the war, or how yours got out of the tower.“

Oh, how Anxelin hated this, hated being compared to her mother’s shining example all the time. 

And he knew it, too!

She glared at him.

Which had absolutely no effect, dammit.

„Look, I’m just saying, it’s gonna be fine.“

More glaring, this was not even worthy of an answer.

A pillow flew her way now, and she threw it back at his head. He caught it easily, of course, and laughed. She couldn’t help but laugh too.

„Hey, I’ve got a keyboard over there,“ he said, pointing at the instrument carelessly, „Wanna practice? Might take the anxiety away a bit.“

Anxelin considered this for bit: As much as she hated to admit this, he was probably right. Besides, it beats just sitting around and overthinking.

„Fine, yeah,“ she allowed, „You know the accords?“

Shang was good, she knew, but „When will my life begin“ wasn’t exactly his type of music.

„Obviously, there is not a song in this world or other that I do not know by heart,“ he boasted, before breaking into a laugh.

„Loudmouth,“ she complained.

„I’m googling it now.“

And really, in a moment, the first tones of the song rang through the room. Anxelin let the opening notes pass and then started singing along, trying to channel her mom through her voice, or, well, at least her joy. Her mom was the most joyful person Anxelin knew, one of the two people who could sing praise about doing laundry and moping, the other being Cinderella, of course.

Anxelin sings, lost in the music, and almost doesn’t notice when another voice joins her.

Shang Junior.

He has a voice from <i>heaven</i>.

Her jaw almost drops as she stops singing, listening to her friend instead, but that doesn’t last long. He notices her silence, and lets the song fade into nothing.

„What?“ he asks.

„You sing so well!“ she can barely contain her excitement and awe, „Why didn’t you tell me? You should join the choir!“

He shrugs.

„I don’t sing that well, really, and I enjoy mixing music more. You know I’m a DJ.“

She knows that, of course. But still, her face falls as she sucks at the inside of her cheek. „Hmm,“ she manages to murmur noncommittally.

Shang plays a single dissonant note on the keyboard. 

„Stop it, sunshine,“ he tells her, and she makes a face at that, „I don’t want to be in the choir, but you do, and you totally got this. You’ve got an amazing voice, and you know the song.“

„Yeah but–“

„No but, Anxelin. You go to the auditions tomorrow and blow them away, hear me?“

Well, Anxelin isn’t too sure about that; she tells him he should go with her, to make up for showing off just now.

He laughs at her, gets another pillow in his face, and then promises.

They even go over the song another few times before Anxelin has to leave for her own room, and by that time, she’s feeling reasonably sure of herself.

Unfortunately, that changes before the auditions roll around, and her anxiety is getting better of her again. She’d rather stay holed up in her room forever than–

„Anxelin!“ Pounding at the door cuts off her spiral, „Open up!“

„Go away!“ she yells at her best friend.

„If you don’t open in half a minute, I’m breaking the door, and you know I can do that!“

She reluctantly opens the door, already making a face at Junior.

But since he’s here, well, she lets him drag her out, more or less, only hissing death threats and curses for about a minute, which is her personal record.

But now they’re in front of the door, and Anxelin stops.

„I’m doing this,“ she tells herself, trying to calm the bundle of nerves in her stomach, „I’ve got this.“

„Absolutely, girl, go get them.“

She walks through the door, and when she turns around, Shang flashes her a quick thumbs-up and a smile.

As she waits for her turn, she does a few breathing exercises her dad taught her, and before she can knows, she is standing in front of the judges, and the opening notes are playing.

Last deep breath–

And then she is singing.

She lets the melody carry her away, the melody and the memory of her mom’s smile and hugs and the stories she told. With that on her mind, Anxelin stands up a little straighter, and closes her eyes for a moment.

A shiver runs down her spine as the song grows into an anxious staccato and she remembers the eyes of Mother Gothel, staring at her from the portrait mom painted–

She shakes that away, her short black hair flying around her face. Her hair, yes, she’s not her mother, she is Anxelin, and she’s auditioning for the school choir.

The song is just about ending, and Anxelin looks at the judges as she finishes. The last notes echo for a bit, the room frozen in silence, before the jury breaks up into an applause and blinding smiles.

„Congratulation, Anxelin Fitzherbert,“ one of them tells her, „You’re officially in the school choir of Auradon Prep. Practice is every Wednesday and Friday, from six o’clock.“

Anxelin barely hears anything beyond the first word, and she can barely contain her excitement. She got in! 

She did it!

„We’re looking forward at you,“ tells her another one of the judges, and she barely manages to nod along and not jump in the place from excitement. She flaps her hands just a little, and practically runs out of the room as soon as she can.

She falls around Shang’s neck; „I did it!“ she cries out, „I’m in the choir!“

„I know, I heard you, you were awesome!“ Shang matches her excitement and admirably doesn’t flinch away even though she just more or less screamed directly into his ears, and just now Anxelin realises how tightly she is clinging to her best friend.

„Sorry!“ she giggles nervously, letting go of him and stepping away from him.

„Don’t be!“ he laughs too, and then they’re laughing together, the last of her nerves flooding away.

She did it!

And he helped her and supported her so much –

„Thanks!“ she manages to thank him in between the fits of giggles.

[the-eldritch-it-gay]

Hi there, I just read your rewriting the Qunari meta and it reminded me of a question I had in my head about them and I'd love to hear your opinion on it. Do you think calling the Qun, as it exists in canon, a religion is accurate? If not what could it be classified as? A culture? A belief system but not a religion? A governing system? A combination of some of these things? I'm not sure myself. Also thanks for all the stuff you've written about the games, it's really interesting and well thought out!

That's a tough question!

For one, I think there's a huge amount of overlap between religion, culture, belief system, and governing system. I mean, a culture is essentially the beliefs, values, symbols, language, and artifacts of a group of people. So the overlap between culture and beliefs should be apparent, and values and beliefs certainly play a role in how a group governs.

Secondly, something like religion is somewhat ambiguous in definition. While I think lots of people think of religion as simple as "worshiping a god or god or the supernatural" there's a lot more to it than that and tends to include a set of beliefs (not necessarily about, or just about a god/the divine) and practices. I personally like Encylopedia Britannica's definition of "human beings’ relation to that which they regard as holy, sacred, absolute, spiritual, divine, or worthy of especial reverence." So I definitely believe that there is an argument to be made for the Qun counting as a religion.

I think commonly I've seen the Qun thought of as a philosophy, which isn't wrong, the Qun certainly is a system of thought, but again philosophy I would argue is similarly connected to culture, religion, and governance.

Personally, I see it as a religion. I think people might not consider it one because its seen as lacking any sort of god or gods, but I don't have the same feeling. The Qun to me seems to have a lot of spiritual involvement. Koslun, the founder of the Qun, is often spoken about in a way that reminds me of how one might write about the word of god or a prophet and feels to be written in much the way one might write religious texts (I mean, the Tome of Koslun is in fact, a sacred text):

The Soul Canto

A traveler asked the Ashkaari: "What was your vision of our purpose?" The Great Ashkaari replied: "I will tell you a story. A vast granite statue stands on an island, holding back the sea. The heavens crown its brow. It sees to the edge of the world. The sea drowns its feet with every tide. The heavens turn overhead, light and dark. The tide rises to devour the earth, and falls back. The sun and the stars fall to the sea one by one in their turn, only to rise again. The tide rises, the tide falls, but the sea is changeless. Struggle is an illusion. There is nothing to struggle against. The deception flows deeper. The statue resists the ebb and flow of the sea, And is whittled away with each wave. It protests the setting sun, and its face is burned looking upon it. It does not know itself. Stubbornly, it resists wisdom and is transformed. If you love purpose, fall into the tide. Let it carry you. Do not fear the dark. The sun and the stars will return to guide you. You have seen the greatest kings build monuments to their glory Only to have them crumble and fade. How much greater is the world than their glory? The purpose of the world renews itself with each season. Each change only marks A part of the greater whole. The sea and the sky themselves: Nothing special. Only pieces.

This feels very much like a religious text, in my opinion.

And also, religion absolutely can influence if not outright be the basis of government and social rules. (Speaking from a personal note, as a Muslim, there's plenty of passages in the Quran talking about how to handle legal/social issues and instructions on how society should function.)

So I suppose, TL:DR, I see the Qun as a religion, which also serves as basis for Qunari culture and governance.

I hade some more rambling paragraphs just more about my feelings about how the Qunari are written, but I feel like I've made that clear already and I don't want to go off on a tangent lmao.

[amour393]

hey i made a fic masterlist

i do believe i’ve written enough oneshots to warrant a ~fic masterlist~ SO HERE IT IS (also there’s a bunch of my random headcanons lol)

fics/one shots

scars - lloyd is ashamed of having scars; kai helps him learn there’s no reason to be. like 5k words.

haunted - in which cole can see jay and nya’s skybound scars because he’s a ghost

pain, pain, go away - skybound whumptober angst!

too young to die - possession whumptober angst!

grave mistake - jay and cole visit the FSM’s tomb to check their futures. angst

the sea is forever - mini seabound snippet; water goddess remembers her friends

unnamed snippet on kai wanting to be the green ninja then vs now

unnamed snippet where Kai teaches Lloyd how to ride a bike

you don’t have to be strong forever - colania (?) snippet post seabound. cole wants to be strong for his team, vania reminds him it’s ok to be weak

Oh, won't you take me home - seabound. Jay kai. Hurt/comfort. Pain.

it might be enough - golden legend legacy short snippet

the world fades away - jay dies and angst ensues. whumptober day 9

count on me - hurt/comfort skybound centric one shot

a new kit - MISTER SNUGGLES SR MEETS JAY FOR THE FIRST TIME

extremely short sweatin to the goldies + seabound snippet about the teapot

this isn’t how it’s supposed to be - takes place during the pilots, kai feels alone, cole reminds him that he’s not

freezing heart - lil snippet on zane grieving (or not grieving) nya, as seen in crystalized

don’t go - jaya one shot, takes place after jay gets abducted by Prime Empire. nya misses him and reflects on what she could’ve done better. kai’s there too

unnamed jaya snippet; jay doesn’t know how old he is

headcanons/ramblings

age headcanons/theory??

crying over wu, homie has had a hard life ok, kind of a fic??

skybound ending au where everything is terrible and no one is happy

WHY DO THEY BE SO TRAUMATIZED THO

au where wu is bitten by the devourer instead of garm

jay bonding headcanons

jay is a desert rat headcanon

jaya wedding headcanons *cries*

vania bonding with the ninja 

more vania hcs

star wars au rambling

random nya hcs for when she returns from the ocean

not even a hc just me crying over jay

kai isnt dumb rambing

Power swap

Polls

Season Bracket

[roselen-mylady]

In Another Life

Bucky Barnes x reader ° part two

Summary: Waiting 88 years to find your soulmate? It was cruel. But it was a cruel fate Bucky would have to face whether he accepted it or not. Bucky was a tortured man all his life and he wasn't even granted the solace of having his soulmate at his side. All he had was the promise of one in another life.

They were separated by two different times.

But the pain in their lives were connected. Y/n had been alone ever since she could remember. All she could depend on was the soulmate that was destined to be at her side. Yet when the snap occured she lost him.

And Bucky never got to meet her.

A/n: For those who read this book before, I had to do some major redrafting so please be patient with me! Enjoy🤟

2014

“She’s a child, Fury.” The woman’s voice scolded. Y/n winced hating the fact that she was the source of conflict between the two. Fury wore his usual monotone and mildly pissed off expression as his eyes narrowed on the woman. Councilwoman Hawley’s face hardened as she turned to Y/n, “Do your parents know you're here?” She questioned, her voice loud and demanding. 

Y/n's eyes drifted to Fury, uncertain and intimidated. Councilwoman was right, Y/n was just a child. But she had a mind that only Tony Stark himself could rival and that mind quickly realized that the only way she was going to stay at S.H.I.E.L.D was if she lied. 

"Yes. They wanted to thank you for the opportunity S.H.I.E.L.D has given me." Y/n said cooly, trying to muster up enough confidence to fool the woman. Though she didn't seem convinced, Hawley was tired and after a few moments of staring down Y/n to see if she would relinquish her testimony, she sighed. 

Councilwoman then turned to Fury, looking at him with less than pleased eyes. "I trust you'll handle the affairs then." Fury offered no acknowledgement in return and Y/n wondered if everyone in S.H.I.E.L.D was this cold. "Fury, I'm taking a chance here for you. The minute this proves to be more of a burden than a service, I'm ending it." The harshness of her tone shot through Y/n like a bullet but Fury appeared unphased giving her a little solace. 

"You'll find the council will be grateful for what I'm doing here." Fury's proclamation seemed to grip the councilwoman, stopping her dead in her tracks as a conflicted expression fell over her features. She shot him a deadly glare however what rage bubbled up in her wasn't enough to compel her to reply and she continued on, leaving smothering tension in the air. 

"What are you doing?" Y/n asked cautiously, turning to the man who had convinced her to leave her old life behind. The leather of his eyepatch squeaked in protest as his eyebrows furrowed, his eye landing on her small frame beside him. 

"We are going to take the first step in protecting our world for the future. Welcome to the Next Generation Initiative." Y/n swallowed thickly to try and relieve the dryness of her throat as Fury moved toward the door. 

"We start immediately." His voice called and she quickly followed after him, hoping to not agitate him further. "First let's see what you're capable of." 

•••

The months that followed were hard, harder than she had naively expected. Fury was true to his word, providing her with a living space at S.H.I.E.L.D headquarters along with necessities such as food passes and clothes, though all of them sported the S.H.I.E.L.D logo. 

At first it had been exciting to live a new life, the pride that came from becoming independent being enough to distract her for the first couple of weeks. But soon she found that being isolated from the rest of the agents wasn't just the normal separation from the pack that came with being new. 

Communication with other agents was limited by her new guardian and her access around The Triskelion was even more restricted. It didn't take much for her to catch onto the fact that she was meant to be a secret instead of an agent. 

This annoyed her but she hardly saw Fury which prevented her from questioning or even opposing the situation. And in the times she did see him she never got any answers. Fury pushed her constantly and while she knew she had signed up for it, she couldn't help but wonder if she'd made the right choice. 

In order to stay at S.H.I.E.L.D she had to avoid all contact with her parents and adjusting to her new life without them was hard. The only person she had to trust with her well being was Fury and while he made sure she was taken care of, he wasn't exactly a parental figure. He was cold and abrasive and having conversations with him were frightening and offered very little support. 

Her wish to be a hero convinced her that maybe it'd get better once she adjusted to the way things operated at S.H.I.E.L.D but it never did. Loneliness crept into her every second she was there and nothing she did seemed to help. 

Doubt seeped into her heart and she started to question the cause she now stood for. Her parents had always rejected Fury's propositions toward making Y/n an agent but Y/n had never understood why until then. Fury was shrouded in a thick layer of mystery and the appeal it once had quickly faded away when she began to realize she had left everything behind for a promise of doing something great. 

She felt like a naive and stupid child chasing the dream of being a superhero like so many children had and she longed for the guidance of her parents. 

Training was even more miserable than her solitude. Fury wanted her to be ready for anything even though all of her missions so far were from the safety of a control room. He trained her himself, claiming that it was easier that way instead of taking other agents off of missions.

While she felt like it was a lie she accepted it and attended training everyday. And it wasn't long before she learned that his cold exterior was frozen all the way through. 

"Agh!" Y/n cried out in frustration, forcing herself up from the ground. Fury almost smirked as she rushed forward, messily slamming her fist into his arms that had moved to block his face. A pained groan escaped her lips as she retracted her fist trying to conceal the red spotting through from under the wrap. 

Another hand entered her view and she gave a defeated sigh as Fury took her bloodied knuckles. "I don't understand why I have to do this. You just want me for my brain anyways." Her irritation flooding off of her. 

"It's so that nobody kills you. What good would your brain be if you're dead?" Fury said, offering no warmth or ease as he spoke. A frown tugged at her lips and she jerked her hand away, getting herself into stance. 

It wasn't long before she was on her back again, her lungs struggling to replenish the air that had been knocked out of her. But Y/n found herself strangely motivated with each failure. Each time she slammed into the mat she was filled with an overwhelming amount of rage and whether it had been his plan all along she didn't know but she rose to her feet again with more strength than before. 

With her fists drawn to her sides and her shoulders coming back in a brilliant pose of purpose, she stood before him anger radiating off of her. Her eyes narrowed on Fury with a determined shine and she advanced again, this time landing a hit to his ribs. While she wasn't too intimating in size, she easily calculated places to strike in which would leave the attacker most weakened and with her new found strategy, Fury fell.

Before she could even process her victory, a foreign sound echoed through the gym making her freeze. It was an eerie sound that shouldn't have sent a chill down her spine. A sound that heard from anyone else would've made her smile. Yet coming from the usually stoic man she couldn't help but recoil as if hearing it was the equivalent of being stuck. 

Fury's body shook in laughter as he pushed himself up off his knees. "Motherfucker." He exclaimed, his eye landing on her with a glimpse of something she'd never seen from him before. Pride? Amusement? Either one brought a disbelieving and hesitant smile to her face as she quickly moved to help him up. 

"I was wondering how many times it would take getting the crap beat out of you for you to finally put that brain of yours to use." Fury grunted, his hand coming to his ribs as he stood. Y/n's brows creased looking up at him in confusion. 

"Wait, you're not mad?" She questioned, rattled by how entertained he was with her finally snapping at him. He moved to unwrap his fists looking up at her with a lifted brow. 

"Am I supposed to be? Taking me down was your objective." He replied, glancing over his shoulder as she mimicked him, tugging the wrapping carefully as to avoid further hurting her split knuckles. She offered a shrug, allowing her prideful smirk to appear. 

"Well, you just got taken down by a girl." Fury's gaze hardened on her cheeky grin and he shook his head, his amusement diminishing with her childish humor. 

"Don't give me that bullshit. I've been training you for months, you taking me down once ain't nothing to be excited over." He grumbled, trying to dismiss her win. 

Y/n's smile lingered for the rest of the day. 

•••

"So what's the point of the 'Next Generation Initiative'? Aren't some of the Avengers, like, immortal?" Y/n questioned, poking at the keyboard in front of her. Fury's annoyed gaze fell on her for the fifth time in the past ten minutes and he sighed heavily pushing the keyboard away from her. She lifted her head off of her elbow and turned to face him as his chair swiveled toward her. 

"Thor's practically immortal. But the rest aren't." Fury explained. Y/n reached out to grab the pen on the table only to have Fury slam his hand down on hers, forcibly stopping her. "Do you always have to mess with something?" He questioned, his tone sharp. 

Y/n gave him a glare before retracting her hands and wedging them between her thighs. "What about Hulk? Not only did the gamma rays make him immortal, he can't die as either Bruce Banner or Hulk. And what about Captain America? I mean isn't he like 100?" She rambled. 

Fury massaged his temples, reminding himself that he had to put up with her if he wanted his project to succeed. "96. And no he's not immortal." He corrected, ignoring Y/n's mockful expression as she rolled her eyes. 

"Whatever. You didn't answer my question." She accused, shooting him an expectant gaze. He peered down at her, his brow lowering in an unamused scowl. 

"Like the Avengers Initiative, Next Gen's purpose is to protect Earth from all threats, whether it be from other worlds or our own." Fury droned, his own statement seeming to bore him. He'd given the same speech to the council a million times before and he wasn't someone that cared to repeat himself. Yet in enthusiasm Y/n easily had enough for the both of them as she listened carefully to his every word, enjoying the fact that he was finally telling her something. 

Sure she'd known that joining S.H.I.E.L.D especially with her skills would mean some kind of hero work. Fury had explained to her and her parents once before that with Y/n's brain she could help set the world forward into technical advances and with the right training become an agent of S.H.I.E.L.D. All she knew about S.H.I.E.L.D was what could be linked to the Avengers so she had automatically been hooked but her parents didn't share her eagerness. 

Yet never did she imagine becoming a part of a project similar to the Avengers, a team she'd grown up idolizing. Suddenly any doubt she'd felt washed away with her fascination toward becoming a superhero. The idea of putting her skills toward something bigger than herself was what had drawn her away from her friends and family after all. 

"So, the next generation of superheroes?" She assumed, unable to hide the thrilled smile that crossed her face. Fury nodded slowly, unsure whether he should be encouraging her so much. Her unwavering grin stuck as he turned back to the computer in front of him, tapping on the keys with a quick sweep of his hand. 

"Then why don't the Avengers know about me?" She questioned suddenly. 

"The council doesn't want anyone to know about you. At least not until this succeeds." He answered shortly, his concentration unbroken as he did so. 

"When will that be? And why aren't there more of me? I mean aren't there more superhero kids you should be scouting?" Y/n began questioning again making him sigh heavily. He was beginning to regret recruiting her, finding her intuitive and adolescent need to question everything bothersome. 

"You are what we call a trial basis. That's when-"

"I know what a trial basis is. I'm not stupid." Fury's eyes narrowed on the girl who'd interrupted him, nearly chuckling at the irony of what she'd said. 

"Well, then stop acting like it." He retorted, drawing an unhappy pout from her. With arms crossed and her brow creased she glared at him but he ignored her turning back to the computer. 

"I'm not acting stupid. Trust me, I'm sure I'd be a lot more help if I actually knew what was going on. This is the most I've gotten you to talk since I got here." She challenged, making sure not to provoke him. If she had there'd be no way to get answers out of him. "I'm just saying I left everything to be here and you can't even give me the time of day to explain why I'm really here. Why would you recruit me? I don't have powers, I just happen to be smart. Why would you pick me to start such an important project?" 

The doubt she'd been feeling for months was beginning to flood back as she confessed to him. His persistence in wanting to recruit her at the start had convinced her enough that she was worthy of being a part of whatever he had planned but now that she knew what it was she was becoming painfully aware of how minuscule she was in comparison. 

Fury kept his stare focused on the monitor before him, a sigh flushing through him and escaping out his nose as his hands stilled on the keyboard. He knew she was right. All the information he'd given her up to that point was the name of the project and the vague details he'd offered her parents. 

He needed to give her a sign of good faith, something to earn a bit of her trust and acceptance in order to continue with the project. 

Y/n watched with an intense gaze as he grabbed the mouse, directing the cursor toward another file. Everything in her was screaming to press for an answer but the contrast in his behavior kept her from doing so. Never had he gone silent before and she wondered if this was finally it. Was he finally going to reveal his true intentions? 

After effortlessly bypassing several forms of security, a file was brought up, her own picture dragging her attention away from his silence. To the left of the photo was her name, birthdate, social security number and several other pieces of information like her parents' names and her education records. 

Yet beside her name was another name, this one bubbled in quotations like an alias. 

"Next Generation Stark?" She read aloud, the words rolling off her tongue like she was accusing him of a lie. Fury sat back in his chair, crossing his arms as he studied her baffled face and slack jaw. "Stark? Like Tony Stark? What the hell does that mean?" She demanded, all restraint on herself to remain polite out the window upon such an absurd comparison. 

Fury pierced his lips gesturing to the computer, "Exactly what it says." He told her, his tone much more matter of fact than she felt was appropriate. Her head frantically shook as she tried to make him see how absolutely insane he sounded. 

"I can't be. Tony Stark is my hero and a literal superhero. Not to mention a billionaire, genius-" She was cut short by Fury sitting forward, a smirk playing on his lips as he snidely remarked. 

"I thought you were a genius. IQ of 224 and all." The sarcasm practically dripped from his words and Y/n's glare returned with more intensity than before. 

"If that's the only similarity between us we're going to have a lot of problems." She pointed out earning a returning glare from Fury. The fact that he was arguing with a teenager was enough to make him question his life choices but the fact that she was calling him out on the outlandishness of his operation was enough to make his blood boil. 

Though his pride was unwilling, he managed to release his irritation with a deep sigh. The entire program rested on his ability to train and create the next line of defense and though it frustrated him, the only 'defense' he had was Y/n. 

"Look. I didn't recruit you because I wanted you to be Stark." He began, the tension that built in his shoulders and between them easing some as he spoke. "I recruited you because you have the potential to be someone just as great." 

Y/n tried to fight the warmth that spread through her chest. It had been the kindest thing said to her in months and her need to please others simply jumped for joy at the praise. 

Her once defensive posture slacked a bit as she fell back against her chair, sending him an irritated yet pleased look. "You're strangely motivational. Were you born like that or did you take lessons?" She questioned, her snarky manner returning with the lightness in the air. 

"I know a guy." Fury shrugged before returning to his work. Y/n rolled her eyes, growing used to the way that everything he said had to hold a bit of secretiveness. 

"If you say yourself, I will slap you regardless of who you are." She replied, lifting her legs up and placing her feet up onto the desk. Fury eyed them with a disdained look before pushing them off with one swift movement. 

"You know that code name is all the more fitting with that attitude of yours." He countered, slightly entertained as her feet fell back to the floor forcing her to sit up right. Her expression remained annoyed unable to muster up the effort to glare at him once more. 

"Tony Stark wishes he had an attitude like mine." A short scoff escaped Fury as Y/n crossed her arms, a smug smile tugging at her lips. 

•••

The months that followed were easier with her new found purpose. As Fury had hoped, giving her more details on the project insured her compliance and even inspired her to take on more tasks and missions. 

It was a few months after their discussion before he decided to untrust her with Project Insight. With the help of the 15 year old genius the work went smoother and a lot of the technical issues they faced either became minor inconveniences or vanished all together. 

And with her new access to the labs containing some of the most advanced technology she spent almost all her free time tinkering away. Whenever Fury asked what it was she was devoting so much time and energy to, she immediately shut him down, a little embarrassed by the idea of telling him. 

But it didn't stop him from checking surveillance in the lab. He had to confess it was a pretty good replica of the famous Iron Man though he'd never tell her. He was almost tempted to alert Stark that his precious suit wasn't as exclusive as he'd hoped. 

Though it was slow at first and unwanted, Fury grew used to Y/n's presence and rather than a nuisance she became a normal figure in his life. He'd never admit it but whenever she wasn't at his side or where he'd left her a small bit of panic would set in. The instinct Maria pointed out to be paternal was often and annoyed him beyond belief but happened nonetheless. 

The feeling seemed to be mutual because Y/n frequently came to him with anything and everything that happened during her day to which he reluctantly listened. 

"Some of the other agents were talking about their countdowns. I can't wait to get mine." Y/n spoke, glancing up at Fury as he faintly listened from his desk. Not yet satisfied without his full attention, a mischievous smirk curved onto her features and she leaned on her palm to look at him. "Who's your soulmate?"  

The hard stare he directed at her would've been enough to make a grown man quake but Y/n had become immune to such glares. "None of your business." He replied, his tone callous and indifferent. But Y/n noticed something, a fleeting glance to his left just before he spoke. 

Her knowing smile riled through him and he huffed, moving aside his monitor to properly scowl at her. "Is it Maria? Nah she's too nice to be your soulmate. Or maybe it's one of those opposites attract types of situations?" Y/n unleashed every thought that buzzed through her mind and Fury wasn't sure which one to be most enraged by. So he remained silent, allowing her curiosity to brew. 

Sensing his disinterest in answering her she sat up, moving to climb to her feet. "Well, I guess I'll just have to ask Ms. Hill." The sigh that filled the air was playful as if getting the answers she so wanted was a chore but Fury knew she had no issue in seeking out the woman in question. 

"Leave her be. She's leading a covert mission right now." He cautioned. Y/n paused, sinking back into her chair as he folded his hands. "She's my soulmate, is that what you want to hear?" His confession sent a bit of joy through her from being right but she didn't speak her pride, instead allowing him to continue. 

"When she joined S.H.I.E.L.D we found out we were soulmates but we never let it get in the way of our work." The explanation came easily but the troubled expression on his face was anything but. She almost felt a bit guilty for dragging the truth out of him. 

"So you guys aren't together?" For the first time ever, she watched him shift uncomfortably. His action only seemed to urge her to press more, sensing him beginning to crack. 

"We are a part of the percentage of the world with platonic soulmates." He described. She nodded slowly, not believing him for a second. She may have only been there for a little under a year but she had never seen such a profound bond between two people. A little envy from their relationship had established itself in her even if it was a 'platonic' relationship. 

"Does she know that?" 

Fury froze, his single eye widening ever so slightly. She'd struck a nerve. 

"Y'know what? I'm done telling you shit." Fury snapped, turning away from her with an agitated growl. Y/n instantly sat forward, guilt grasping hold of her creased brow as she scrambled to apologize. 

"Wait no, I'm sorry. I'm sorry." It came rushed but was heard making Fury haltingly glance back up at her. Her lip had been pulled back between her teeth as she chewed at it nervously. "My-my mom used to tell me that just because I know a lot doesn't mean I need to know everything. She usually keeps me in check but-..." 

Her words dropped off into a deafening silence. Y/n tended to question everything and while her mother believed it to be some form of OCD her father argued it was just her paranoia. Whatever the case it led to a lot of frustration for those who were being interrogated and Y/n realized for the past year Fury had been the focus of that. 

His hardened expression faltered and if one truly studied his expressions they would recognize a bit of remorse had surfaced to match her own. 

"I really miss her. My dad, too." Y/n confessed, solemn and longing. "I wonder if they're mad at me. Maybe that's why they haven't tried to visit me." 

An unfamiliar pang of guilt hit Fury's heart and his gaze fell onto the file in front of him. Anywhere to avoid looking at the child before him. How was he supposed to tell her that her parents had tried to see her? Tell her that each time he sent them away, insisting she was safe and that they should leave? Tell her how many letters and calls they'd received from them over the past year in hopes it might reach her. 

How did he begin to make up for such a wrong yet necessary act? 

"Maybe it's time you visited them." The statement left him before he even had a chance to properly analyze it. What was he thinking? Letting her leave would compromise the whole project. 

But he couldn't help it. Something deep inside him needed to make up for all the secrets and lies and his unwanted connection to the girl only justified his actions. 

"Really?" Fury nodded, yet again surprising the both of them. 

"I'll have an agent take you tomorrow. But only under one circumstance." He told her, the seriousness he was known for returning. She nodded instantly ready to pay whatever price to see her family.  

"You must come back to S.H.I.E.L.D." 

A tense feeling she'd only felt upon her arrival rested in the air, easily thick enough to make her choke. But the excitement she felt outweighed any rational thought. 

"I promise." 

Part three

[ohnojustimagine]

Let the Right One In

The Fiend/Reader, vaguely hinted at Seth Rollins/Reader; smut, 2305 words

Set before the burning of the Funhouse.

-

It's never easy to find the door to the Funhouse, but it's always there, somewhere, if you look hard enough, tucked away in some unassumingly innocuous corner of whatever venue WWE is occupying on any given night.

For a while you wondered how it was actually possible for it to exist as a physical space, even trying to convince yourself that it was maybe some weirdly elaborate set that travelled with the show, but you never really believed it. Bray's powers are a mystery that you could never hope to understand, drawn from sources you'd prefer not to have any knowledge of, places better left alone.

You pace the backstage area restlessly, searching back and forth through the hallways, rounding a corner and almost crashing into the dark-haired man walking towards you.

"Whoa," Seth says, holding up his hands. "Slow down there."

"Sorry, I was just..." You shake your head. "Distracted."

You used to be pretty friendly with Seth, back in what feels like it could be another life, but things change, and it's been a while now.

"You lost?" he asks you.

"No, I'm good."

"Looking for someone?"

He seems maybe a little too curious, so you only answer, "Kind of." You shrug, stepping to one side. "Anyway..." you say.

He gives you a thoughtful look, and says, "Stay out of trouble."

"Where's the fun in that?" you reply, smiling, and he laughs, but you're already walking away.

And there it is, you think, recognizable by the too-bright light that shines from under the door. You don't knock, knowing you'll be welcome, squinting a little as you enter, letting your eyes adjust. You've learned to ignore the round of applause that greets you as you walk in, the noise of children cheering as if from nowhere, artificially happily. The sounds dies as quickly as it started and then there's only an eerie, overbearing silence.

There's pictures on the wall, and a table, behind which is Rambing Rabbit. "You again," he says, and though he might technically be a puppet, there's no sign of anyone under the table, no one visible controlling him.

"Where's Bray?" you ask.

"He's not here," the rabbit answers, turning away from you.

"Yes he is."

"You shouldn't come around here," Rambing Rabbit says, squeaky little voice stuck somewhere accusation and apprehension.

"Why?"

"Because you bring him out."

"Better he's here for me than for you," you say. "Never seems to end too well for you, does it?"

The rabbit starts to speak, but then suddenly stops, beginning to tremble as he covers his face with his tiny hands and you hear applause, again.

"Hey there!" Bray says brightly from behind you, and you might never get used to the way he just seems to appear, but you turn to face him, smiling.

"Hi, Bray."

He gives you a look of patronizing concern, tilting his head towards you as he stage-whispers, "Are you here to see him?"

"Maybe," you reply, knowing it won't do you any good to be evasive, yet still trying. "But I like seeing you too."

Bray grins at you, manic enough to be unnerving, but you don't let it get to you. "We're friends, aren't we?" he says, nodding happily. "It's good to have friends."

"It is," you agree, careful not to let him see your impatience, but he already knows you too well.

"He's not your friend," he says, and that broad grin is suddenly gone, replaced by a dark, knowing look. "Maybe you'd do best to learn that, girl." He stares at you, and you feel it, his presence like a slow, ominous heat beginning to burn inside you, want and desire laced with the intoxicating thrill of danger, right on the edge.

"No," you tell him. "He's not my friend." He's something else entirely, says a voice in your head, like a warning, but you pay it no attention.  

Bray laughs, cheerily false as an exaggeratedly zany sound effect rings out through the air around you. His face again lights up, eyes bright, and you breathe in, daring to reach out, laying your hand on his chest, his sweater soft against your palm. He's not wearing anything underneath it, you can tell, and you can feel the warmth of his skin, the solid bulk of his body.

He watches, seemingly considered as you move your hand across, thumb rubbing his nipple through the thin wool. "That tickles," he says, and thought the words might be childish, that guileless tone is almost completely gone from his voice.

"It feels good, though, doesn't it?" you reply, glancing down, seeing that he's wearing the gloves, and yes, you think, knowing that it won't be long, not now.

"Choose," he says, quietly, holding up his hands, each facing outwards in front of his chest, palms towards him, HURT on your left, HEAL on your right.

"Why do I have to?" you ask. "Why can't I have both?"

"I think you know why."

"Fine." You roll your eyes, like it's nothing, like there isn't anticipation coursing through your blood like a craving, arousal throbbing quick and insistent at your core. "This one," you say, tugging on the hand that says HURT.

Bray chuckles, low and deadly, no trace of lightness. "I'm not so sure that's the wisest choice."

"Screw wisdom," you say.

Bray stares at you for a minute, lips slightly parted but then his mouth curves up into an indulgent, condescending smile. "Wouldn't you rather be healed than hurt?"

"There can be healing in being hurt," you tell him, knowing he understands.

"You want to let him in?" he says, his voice so gentle a shiver runs through you.

"Yes," you whisper. "I want to let him all the way in."

Bray draws in a deep breath, then exhales, his whole body visibly tensed. "Turn around, then," he says.

You obey, feeling your heart beating inside your chest as you wait, forcing yourself not to hold your breath, counting off the seconds, terror twisted up with need, fear prickling like something hotly delicious across your skin.

The lights flicker on and off, the room settling into a barely-lit red darkness, the air hot and cold all at once, and you can feel it, the very moment that he becomes him. You don't even dare think his name, but you don't need to, because he's already inside your head; filling you, overwhelming you, and it's too late.

One thickly muscled arm wraps around you, grip like iron, pinning your own arms to your sides, and a gloved hand is pressed across your mouth. You can't stop yourself from struggling, your reaction purely instinctive, but he only holds you tighter. He's far too powerful, you know that, but he likes it better when you fight it, fight him. And you like it better too, even if you know you're playing with fire, that one day he's going to really, truly hurt you, but you don't care because you want it too much.

You lean into him even as you still squirm within his grasp, the smell of leather filling your head, and the hand over your mouth shifts a little, tightening, a thumb and forefinger pinching your nose shut and you can't breathe, panic rising up inside you.

You brace your legs against the floor, pushing back, but he's too strong, lifting you off your feet, unheeding as you kick out at him, desperate for air, and maybe this is too real, your head spinning, eyes watering. A moment passes, then another, and you feel yourself go limp, giving in, ceding any pretense at control. You're his, in this place, here for him to do what he wishes with you, and even as he finally allows you to draw breath, you don't resist him.

He lowers you slightly, though he still supports your weight, your body pliant in his arms, and you hear the sound of laughter, like something far away, his breath hot on your neck, the locks of his hair brushing over your shoulder.

You can feel his mask against your cheek, soft as flesh but not quite the same, as if it's something more, and perhaps that’s what it is; not really a mask, not something he puts on to hide himself. Because this is him revealed, his true form, and you're pretty sure he can see right into your soul, every inch of darkness and need exposed to him, devoured by him, rich and red as blood.

He reaches up under your tank top, a gloved hand kneading at your breasts, the rough touch contrasting with the soft smoothness of the leather on your skin. Fingers pinch and pull your nipples, and you let out a whine, hearing him suck in a sharp, needful breath.  

He shoves you face down onto the table, pulling your arms back behind you, wrists gripped tight in one hand as the other pushes up your skirt, ripping away your panties and tossing them aside.

His cock brushes up against you, and you feel him grip it, teasing the tip up and down your slit and you try to push back, but he won't allow it, keeping you in place, making you wait.

Please, someone begs, and you don't know if it's you or him, the words in your head too loud, too desperate, but you don't care as his cock slides into you, thick and slow. He lets your hands go, leaning forward enough to grip the back of your neck, holding you down as he fucks you, so hard and so fast that it seems to take your breath away.

And he's inside you, in ways he shouldn't be; not just his cock but his voice, his presence, all of him, possessing you, and you know, that this what it means to truly let him in.

It feels like it won't ever stop, any of it, and you shouldn't be able to come, not from being treated like this, but it's as if you've been taken over, your orgasm building to a peak that borders on cruel in its intensity, flooding through you uncontrolled, pulsing in waves until it finally begins to fade.  

You hear him moan, the sound of it almost inhuman, his hands tightening on you as he comes, thrusting into you with enough violence that you cry out with a sob that seems to come from deep inside you.

He pulls out, and you take a breath.

And then, without warning, he's gone.

The lights are back on, so bright you can barely see, and you have to take a moment before you can push yourself up off the table, your trembling arms barely able to support the weight of your body. You’re still for a minute, trying to get your bearings, remember who you are as the Funhouse  gradually reassembles itself around you.

"Real nice, baby," someone says, and it's Mercy, head popped up out of the cardboard box labelled with his name. And you wouldn't have thought a rubber buzzard puppet could leer, but he appears to take in the sight of your breasts with a disturbingly lacivious glee.

"Fuck off," you mutter, pulling down your top.

"Mm-mm," says Mercy. "You got a dirty mouth on you, don't you? No wonder he likes you."

You don't say anything, running your hands through your hair, fixing your skirt. Your panties are nowhere to be seen, so you don't even bother to try to find them, suddenly needing to leave this place.

"See you soon, pretty thing," Mercy sings out.

"Whatever," you say, already opening the door.

You step back out into... into reality, you tell yourself, though you're not so sure if that's true anymore, uncertain as to what's real and what's not, moving between worlds, laughter still echoing in your ears.

But you close the door behind you, and then jump, startled, because Seth's standing there, waiting, his arms folded. "What were you doing in there?" he asks, nodding towards the room.

You hesitate, but you know you don't owe him anything, not anymore. "Nothing," you lie.

"Doesn't seem like nothing," Seth replies, looking you up and down, obviously taking in the state of you, the fact you may as well have just been really fucked written in bold across your forehead.

You straighten up a little, meeting his gaze with as much defiance as you can muster. "Seems like it might be none of your business," you retort.

He takes a step closer to you, hand raised ready to open the door, but you don't move, blocking his way. He looms in front of you, and for a second you're not sure what to do, but it's clear he's not going to back down, so you step aside with a shrug, and he opens the door.

To reveal a small storage closet, piled high with janitor's equipment; mops and buckets and various random junk.

Seth peers into every corner, taking a good look, but it's clear there's nothing to see, no one inside.

"Huh," he says, stepping back, puzzled yet thoughtful.

"Satisfied?" you ask, sarcastically, but he only looks at you, not reacting.

"You know," he says, slowly, "you should be more careful."

"Yeah, not my style," you tell him.

He stares at you for a long, silent minute. "Maybe not," he finally says. "But you should still be careful."

"Don't worry about me." You shake your head, and there's something still there, something that remains, that isn't you. "Maybe you're the one who needs to take care, Seth," you say, your voice lingering soft on his name.

He doesn't say anything, but he sees it, you know, and you can feel his eyes on you as you walk away, but you don't look back.

[valeriethepussycats]

In A Dream

Chapter 2

Thoughts are in italics.

M/n- made up name

Warning- some sad parts

Life in New Orleans was nothing like Y/n expected. Gambit introduces her to the French Quarter of New Orleans. The sights, sounds, smells, tastes, restaurants,honky Tonkin, and the people from the North Rampart to the river canal to esplanade, before moving out wards to the business, district beyond as modern in it’s way as remain timeless. A start drive takes them to Lake Ponchatrain, then down towards the gulf into the Bayou Country. The days pass, and with each one, Y/n settles more and more comfortably into the rhythm of the “Big Easy” making it as much her home as it already seems to be Gambit. At this point they get to work. They hit the bad guys only, stripping criminals of their ill gotten gains and ranging along the gulf states from the Florida panhandle to south Texas merrily looting the the looters. Part Long Ranger mostly Robin Hood causin’ crooks no end of grief, cops and common folk an equal measure of delight. The time are so good Y/n can’t remember when she’s had more fun, she no longer thinks of what happened in Canada. The nightmares(since faded) that haunted her en route. New Orleans is where she’s happy this is where she belongs.

Until One Fine Evening.

○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○

Y/n is walking down then street enjoy the parade. It was a Jazz festive, you could hear saxophones, Trumpets, Trombones, and Pianos. All the people dancing  to the wonderful music. Y/n jumps on the nears parade float and starts to dance feeling good and happy. Y/n looks out into the crowd she notice Gambit run.

“Gambit Gambit.” Y/n yells at at Gambit.

Gambit  ignores her not warning the people that is chasing him to find Y/n. Gambit projects his thoughts at Y/n so she could hear him.

Petit get to the house now. What’s wrong. There is something I have to tell you. Ok.

Y/n jumps off the float starts running home. Gambit has never sounded so worried before not even when we where in Canada what could’ve possibly shaking him up.

Y/n takes the back entrance to the house to make sure no one followed her when she gets inside she sees Gambit packing rapidly throwing everything that’s important in suitcases and garbage bags.

“What’s going on? Why are you packing?” Y/n questioned.

Pausing from Packing to gather his words so he can try to explain the situation to Y/n taking a deep breath in. “I used to be apart of the Thieve’s Guild and I did bad things which led me to get caught and now they found me and that means we need to go.” Gambit explained as he continue to pack.

“We can stop them. I can stop them.” Y/n implied following Gambit into the other room as he continues to pack.

“I don’t want you using your powers not even to save me.” Gambit replied.

“Then where are we going” Y/n Asked.

“New York.”

“We going to the X-Men aren’t we?”

“Yes we are. There’s a mutant there who has the same ability as you he can help you control your psychic abilities but we need to go now.” Gambit urged as he has Y/n a suitcase so she can start packing.

As Gambit and Y/n are packing to leave New Orleans and head straight to Charles Xavier school for gifted youngsters.

○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○

Somewhere in Canada

Shield agent storm the facility where the Weapon X Program was held and before any of the scientists or the agents that work there at the facility, can destroy any evidence they are taking under arrest as Nick fury and Phill Coulson walk through the doors. Nick fury picks up files reading them looking at all the mutants that this facility had kidnapped and experimented on.

A name comes up that is very familiar to him, Ororo Munroe daughter and he thinks to him self. It can’t be possible Ororo never had a child. He looked at the date Birthday unknown but it haves birth year 1985.

Nick was with Ororo around that time so does that mean he has a daughter and why did she tell him about her and how could she let this happened to their daughter so many questions was running through Nick’s head he almost stumbled.

Realizing that Director Fury was under some type of distressed Coulson walks over to him and taps his shoulder lightly.

“Are you ok sir.” Phill ask with nothing but concern in his voice.

“I’m fine I’m fine we need to find the subject M/n Munroe.” Nick disclosed taking the file on his daughter and burning it.

○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○

Somewhere on I 20 east

Gambit and Y/n Drive in silence. Y/n not trying to show how upset she is having to leave the only place she calls home to go to some school for gifted youngsters. Y/n knew this was Gambit’s plan to take her there to get help on her powers. You can’t really have secrets with someone who can read minds and, apparently this Charles Xavier had the same exact power has she does controlling people, moving things The whole 9 yards but maybe this is a good thing.

If I get control over my powers Gambit will let me use them and, then I can stop the people that’s after Gambit and we can go back home.

“I’m not mad at you if that’s what you’re worried about. I know you had a life before we met and, honestly I don’t care about it….I only care about the present Gambit not the past.” Y/n grinned as Gambit turns and looks at her and, smiles at her he never understood how she could be so understanding I guess the phoenix gave her more than just powers or maybe this was just her nature.

“It means a lot to me that you said that but I still feel like a owe you an exclamation petit.” Gambit stated.

“Gambit but you don’t.-“

“The Thieves Guild it wasn’t something I want to do it was forced upon me. My father got mixed up with some people then started using me for my abilities to get them off his back.”

Y/n and see this is hard for Gambit to explain. She can tell that he really doesn’t like talking about his past that he’s ashamed of it. Even though she tried to reassure him that his past doesn’t mattered to her.

Y/n smiles at gambit then says.” Gambit I knew about your past life I knew about this entire time and I didn’t care.”

“You knew!?” Gambit said not hiding the shock in his voice.

“Of course I knew I can read minds. Gambit what you did doesn’t matters it’s what you’re going to do.” Y/n pointed out. “So the X-Men group what do you know about them.”

“Well I know that they’re good people that they help people like us mutants.” Gambit explain.

“You think this Charles Xavier can do help me.” Y/n wondered

“Yes I do petit everything will be fine it all work out.” Gambit Promised.

Y/n looks over at Gambit with a small smile then turns on the radio.

○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○

“Have we found anything on M/n Munroe” Nick Announced walking into the van.

“Three people come up Sir but none of them is who your looking for.” Coulson answered turning away from the computer to look at Nick.

“Ororo Monroe pull any information on her.” Nick told Coulson.

Coulson turns back to the computer to search up Ororo pulling all her files as he is searching he comes across a hospital birth certificate from Brooklyn New York.

“Ororo gave brith to a Girl name Y/n Munroe.” Coulson verified.

“That’s her. Her name is Y/n of course it is pull up any camera freed with Y/n in it.” Nick ordered.

Coulson types on the computer Y/n Munroe. Pulling up the camera feed where she’s crossing the border into America with a man driving.

”Zoom in on the man driving.” Nick urged Coulson.

Colson zooms in on the man.

“Identify him.”

“His is Remy LeBeau he was born and raised in New Orleans and used to be a part of and organization of thieves and assassin.”

”Find me any up-to-date information on Remy.”

Coulson pulls up I Camera freed from yesterday where Remy and Y/n are sitting at a restaurant eating lunch.

“Track their every move if their face comes up on any camera let me know.” Nick disclosed.

“Sir why is this so important.” Coulson questioned.

“Because he has my daughter.” Nick replied walking out the room without saying nothing else. He then pulls out his phones and calls an old number that he hasn’t called in years.

“Charles we need to talk.” Nick voiced with fire.

”Whatever do we need to speak of?” Charles said in a calm way.

“Is she there?” Nick Nick question barely containing his anger.

“If you mean Ororo she is.” Charles answered in a casual tone.

“I would like to know how she allowed my daughter to get experimented on in Canada.” Nick snapped.

“So I see you found out.”

“What the hell does that supposed to mean my daughter has Mutant abilities I thought you cared about your kind.”

“Ororo didn’t come to me until after she lost her daughter she wanted me to erase those memories of ever having one.”

”So who’s going to erase the memories of Y/n getting experimenting on who’s gonna do that for her you are going to find my daughter.

“Are you telling me or asking me” Charles asked in a leveled way.

“You choose.” Nick barked as he hangs up the phone.

○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○

Westchester, New York

Charles hangs up the phone. Charles should’ve told Nick Fury that he had a daughter and that she was in Canada getting experimented on. Now he has no other choice but to find her because he knows the consequences if he doesn’t. As he is deep in his thoughts  he doesn’t notice when Scott walks into the room.

Scott can see the worry all over the professor face. “Is everything OK Professor?” Scott asked with a concern voice.

“Of course it is Scott I just have to go down to Cerebro.” Charles said trying his best to reassure Scott.

“Do you want me to call Jean?” Scott ask not believing a word the professors said.

“It’s fine Scott I can handle it.” Charles said wheeling himself downstairs so he can unlock. Go into Cerebro he put on the headpiece and focus on trying to find Storm’s daughter and as Charles is lookin he gets pulled into a her mind.

“Why are you trying to find me and who are you?” Y/n questioned.

Shocked that this young child was able to sense that he was looking for her and pull him into him mind.

“I am Charles Xavier.” He answered.

“You’re the leader of the X-Men. Gambit is taking me to you as we speak is that how you found me, did you know we were coming, can you predict the future?” Y/n rambled on.

“No I can’t predict the future why are you in Gambit coming to my school?” Charles wondered.

“It’s not safe in New Orleans anymore and and Gambit said you can read people‘s minds he needs you to help me get control of my powers.” Y/n answered.

“Yes I do have the ability to read and controls people minds.” Charles replied without missing a beat.

“If didn’t know we were coming why are you reaching out now.” Y/n asked Charles.

“Your father wanted me to find you.” Charles announced.

“My father I have a father!?” Y/n spluttered.

“Yes he Head of An organization called Shield where they monitor anything potential threat to earth.” Charles explained.

“My father called you to find me.” Y/n said not believing anything that is coming out of Charles mouth.

Disregarding what Y/n just asked him he asked her. “Do you know any information on your mother.”

“She hasn’t come to find me why should I look for her and if I remember correctly she abandoned me in the woods.” Y/n informed Charles.

Charles know it’s wrong but, he knows if Ororo ever found out that her daughter hated her it will kill her. So he does the one thing he’s good at.

“She didn’t abandoned you she died looking for you ok.” Charles lied as he planted a memory in Y/n mind.

“She died looking for me.” Y/n said believing every word of it.

“I will give you your father’s number you call him you let him know that you’re safe.”

“What about Gambit?”

“You are both welcome to come and be a part of the X-Men but if your path chooses you to be with your father he will understand.”Charles commented as he hands her a note with her father‘s phone number on it.

“You will do amazing things in life.” Charles proclaimed.

“Thank you.”

Charles take the headpiece off and wheel himself out of the room and sees Jean waiting

“Professor Scott told me you’re using Cerebro did you find a mutant Are they in trouble?” Jean said with worry.

“Yes and no this mutant is very powerful she like you and me.” Charles explain to Jean.

“Then we should go help.” Jean declared.

“This child is like you Jean. when I was using Cerebro to find her she pulled me into her mind like you did once.” Charles informed

“The Phoenix.”

“Yes it would appear you’re not the only one that has it.”

“Then we have to find her Charles you know how dangerous the Phoenix is when it’s not control.” Jean urged.

“Jean she’s Ororo daughter.” Charles announced.

“What!?”

“When Ororo first came here she told me what happened to her and her daughter. I asked did she want me to take away those memories she said yes and, I did she doesn’t remember having a daughter and her daughter thinks she is dead and, I want to keep it that way.” Charles declared as he wills away from Jean.

○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○

Y/n wakes up from the dream world. Trying to process everything Charles Xavier told her and then realization hits she’s going to have to say goodbye to Gambit she looks over at him. Barely containing the tears that threaten to fall down her eyes.

Gambit being Gambit he feels something is wrong. “You ok Cheri.” He Asked.

“I just got done talking to Charles Xavier.” Y/n murmured.

“What did he want?” Gambit Asked.

“He told me I have a dad and he’s looking for me.” Y/n sniffled no longer holding back the tears as soon as her tears starts to fall it beings to rain.

Gambit trying to hide the sadness he doesn’t want Y/n to see that this is having the same effect on him. “Oh so what are you planning to do.” Gambit wondered.

“Planning to do” I want to be with you. I know  if I go with my father I’ll never see you again.” Y/n sobbed.

“Petit whatever decision you make I will always be here for you.” Gambit promised.

I want to stay with you

“I don’t wanna leave you you’ve all I have.” Y/n mewled uncontrollably.

“I’m not anymore.” He said with a small smile.”Make the call.”

Y/n pulls her self together wiping way the tears and mucus then, pulls out her phone and calls the number that Charles gave her it rings three times until she hears a man’s voice say “Hello.”

“Hi I’m Y/n. Charles Xavier gave me your phone number.” Y/n said with a sad grimace.

“Where are you right now I can come and get you?” Nick questioned.

“Well we’re on I 20 east heading to New York Gambit and I was going to be a part of the X-Men.” Y/n replied.

“Gambit do you mean Remy LeBeau.”

“Yes.”

“Can I speak to him?”

Y/n hands Gambit the phone all he does is look at it. “He wants to talk to you.” Y/n told Gambit as he takes the phone at Y/n’s  hand and put it up to ear.

“Hello.” Gambit said Calmly into the phone.

“So you’ve the one that’s been taken care of my daughter for the past couple years?” Nick Asked.

“Ya that would be me.”

“How did you even find her?”

“We were both in the same facility in Canada.” Gambit stated. “I’ve been taking care of her ever since she’s no longer safe with me. I understand she’s your daughter but, she was mine first so I am trusting you with her safety.”

“Your are heading to New York we can meet up in Manhattan. Nick shared.

“Alright there’s also things I need to discuss with you in person.” Gambit replied.

“What is it about?” Nick questioned.

“Her powers.” Gambit answered.

“I’ll text you the address to where we can meet.” Nick said in a level tone.

Gambit hangs up the phone then puts it on the dashboard. Without even trying Y/n can hear Gambit voice in her head.

Why can’t she understand this is for the best anyone from the thieves guild find out about her there’ll use her I won’t let that happen to her.

Y/n  looks over at Gambit and For the rest of the ride Gambit and Y/n sat in silence.

○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○ ○

As Gambit and Y/n  meet Nick at the rendezvous point and Y/n starts to feel anxious.

This is actually happening I’m going to meet my dad.

Getting pulled out her thoughts by Gambit parking the car.

“This it petit.” Gambit Announced as they getting out the car. Nick Fury walks up to them not wanting to be seen by him Y/n hides behind Gambit.

“You must be Remy LeBeau I’m Nick Fury.” Nick Addressed Gambit.

“Nice to meet you and this beautiful young lady is Y/n.” Gambit grinned trying to lighten Y/n mood.

Not moving from her spot which is behind Gambit she whispered. “Hi.”

”It’s ok I understand you don’t know me.” Nick said in a gentle voice at Y/n, then looks over at Gambit. ”You want to speak to me about something.”

“Yes.” Gambit agreed. He turns around and looks at Y/n. “I’ll be right back.”

Y/n nodded at him As he and Nick very walk away. Colson walks up to Y/n  and introduces himself.”I’m Phill Colson.”

“Nice to meet you I’m Y/n.” She said with a gloomy sigh.

“She’s very powerful she’s going to need training now I don’t know what you do but if she loses control of her abilities she’s very dangerous.” Gambit declare.

“What is her abilities.” Nick questioned Gambit.

“She can control the weather and move stuff and control people with her mind.” Gambit explained. “She has this thing inside of her called the Phoenix for the past five years I’ve been teaching her how to control it but nothing I’ve tried work.”

“Is that all?” Nick wondered.

“When everything cools down with me I want to be able to see her.” Gambit told Nick.

”The door will always be open to you.” Nick replied.

Gambit nods at him then walks over to Y/n. “I guess is the end of the road.” Gambit commented.

“Can you promise me one thing?” Y/n Asked.

“What is it?” Gambit wondered with a curious tone.

“Don’t forget about me.” Y/n said with a sad smile.

“Never in a million years.” Gambit promised in a fatherly way.

Y/n hugs Gambit like her life depended on it.

“I love you.” Y/n sniffled.

Gambit pulls back from the hug to wipe Y/n’s tears “I love you too petit.” Gambit replied.“ This isn’t goodbye you’re gonna me.”

Y/n walks over to Nick Fury and they get into the car and drive away. Y/n looks out the back mirror to look at Gambit.

A/n-I know this chapter is kind of rushed because I really want to get to the Thor movie I am excited to write it.

Part 1 of the I’m Only Human.

[ultimatemusicians]

RE:    IBUKI    MIODA    :    THE    EXEGESIS.        ————        an    expository    charater    playlist.     see     below     the     cut     for     a     in     depth     review.     (  credit  )

okay, so i would have loved to put this playlist in chronological order with respect to overall danganronpa happenings and how ibuki’s personality and mentality sort of changed in relation to all that — which ig it kinda is organized in that way, but i prioritized the fluidity of sonics for the songs so that it tells a story or whateva~ u think of each section as their own little playlists but they come together to deliver a more holistic picture of ibuki. how much of a nitpicker am i? yes. 

                     𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐌𝐄     :     𝙳𝙰𝙽𝙶𝙰𝙽𝚁𝙾𝙽𝙿𝙰   𝙼𝙴𝚃𝙰. 

centers around the overarching narrative of the killing game. it kind of tells a whole story throughout the timeline. i actually feature ‘dead flowers’ on my blog as well as on my card because it’s just so despondent. despair-ridden, ibuki commits a numerous amount of heinous crimes—— all in the name of junko, who can be considered a martyr. In the same vein, it’s a song that can be extrapolated post!killing game as ibuki has to grapple with the memories of things she’s done and witnessed. who is she? how can she muster the courage to face her past with all the blood on her hands ? the people and friends lost along the way are an albatross on her.

citios        ›        king woman        :        ❛   created in the image of suffering   ❜

dead flowers        ›        health ft. poppy        :        ❛   the faith is lost / too much energy / against the odds / nothing left of me   ❜

blue        ›        the birthday massacre        :        ❛   black tongues speak faster than the car can crash / you supply the rumours, and i'll provide the wrath   ❜

the end.        ›        my chemical romance        :        ❛   now, come one, come all to this tragic affair / wipe off that makeup, what's in is despair / so throw on the black dress, mix in with the lot / you might wake up and notice you're someone you're not   ❜

psychic wound        ›        king woman        :        ❛   sulfurous possessor / i have succumbed / i’m attuned / enslaved by the pinions / under seductive rule   ❜

i, at the end of everything        ›        bathsheba        :        ❛   creeping delirium, place your knife upon the earth /  i wonder, who am i / behold us again / remember my name when you rise   ❜        [ whos name? junko’s DUH ! ]

hand of doom        ›        black sabbath        :        ❛   what you gonna do? / time's caught up with you / now, you wait your turn / you know there's no return / take your routine roles / you join the other fools / turn to something new / now, it's killing you   ❜

young and menace        ›        fall out boy        :        ❛   we've gone way too fast for way too long / and we were never supposed to make it half this far / and i lived so much life, lived so much life / i think that god is gonna have to kill me twice   ❜

to die for        ›        the birthday massacre        :        ❛   this is forever but it won't last long / this is a memory that fades away in neverending / in the death of all that's long been said and done before / we'll wish that we were something more   ❜

kill the lights        ›        the birthday massacre        :        ❛   faking every tear  / looking like a compromised suicide / keeping all my dreams alive   ❜

video killed the radio star        ›        joyce manor        :        ❛   in my mind and in my car / we can't rewind we've gone too far   ❜

fast in my car        ›        paramore        :        ❛   been through the wringer a couple times / i came out callous and cruel / and my two friends know this very well / because they went through it too   ❜

                    𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐌𝐄     :     𝙱𝙴𝙸𝙽𝙶   𝙰𝙽   𝙾𝚄𝚃𝙲𝙰𝚂𝚃.

i feel like this section of songs was an instrumental part of the playlist... duh every section is instrumental it’s a musical playlist and it’s literally meant to explain the character. one of the headcanons i have for ibuki is during her time as an adolescent at shiba, she was never fully herself. one of the most universal concerns across humanity is having a place to fit in. anything is better than being alone, right? having to belong to something and not be alone on this stupid spaceball in the vastness of space. that being said, the rambunctious ibuki that we know of was not always how she presented herself.

[        SIDENOTE        :        i mean really, people are always trying to figure out who they rly are, like that’s a lifelong journey —— which for the sake of my own mental health i will simply Not delve into. anyways, while it would be cool to just think ibuki was always unapologetically herself without restraint, i’ve always believed that is something she comes into later on. post childhood of course, i see toddler ibuki as an absolute menace on the playground. the speed at which can pick up on behaviors and learn / develop their own little rules from things they see around them is so scary.        ]

she always had a love for music and that’s what made her join the light music club; but the line between enthusiastic / energetic / passionate and too over-the-top is arbitrary. she was scared of being labeled as the latter category. would people still keep her around if she was too loud? or if she just didn’t fit their perception of her? ( liability ) it was a sad self-fulfilling prophecy of sorts that she struggled with greatly. in the game, it’s shared that ibuki left the black cherry due to creative differences once she found out about the talent scout. that was a breaking point. why was she making herself small for others? and if they were really her friends 1. she wouldn’t lie to them and 2. they would stand by the real her, chaos and all. ( plus she didn’t want to end up resenting them ) was the fear of abandonment worth that sacrifice? at the end of the day, if she wasn’t happy with what she was making then where was the ingenuity? what value did it have?

liability        ›        lorde        :        ❛   they say, ‘you're a little much for me. you're a liability.  you're a little much for me’ / so they pull back, make other plans / i understand, i’m a liability / get you wild, make you leave / i'm a little much for e-a-na-na-na, everyone / the truth is i am a toy that people enjoy / till all of the tricks don't work anymore / and then they are bored of me   ❜

you’ll miss me when i’m not around        ›        grimes        :        ❛   i'll make it to heaven even if i / have to climb the clouds and learn to fly   ❜        [ i love this one sm bc u can apply so much symbolism to it with the knowledge of how ibuki dies in v2. ]

blow my brains out        ›        tikkle me        :        ❛   sometimes i wish i could lend you my shoes / lend you my life and lend you my truth / but sometimes the truth is just my point of view / not what is real and not what is true   ❜

fear of dying        ›        poppy        :        ❛   i'm not afraid of standing still / i'm just afraid of being bored / i'm not afraid of speaking my mind / i'm just afraid of being ignored   ❜

stay away        ›        nirvana        :        ❛   give an inch, take a smile (i don't know why) / fashion shits, fashion style (i don't know why) / blow it out, keep it in (i don't know why) / have to have poison skin (i don't know why)   ❜

    𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐌𝐄     :     𝙰𝙱𝙰𝙽𝙳𝙾𝙽𝙸𝙽𝙶   𝚃𝙷𝙴   𝙽𝙴𝙴𝙳   𝚃𝙾   "𝙵𝙸𝚃   𝚃𝙷𝙴   𝙽𝙾𝚁𝙼."

the music she makes isn’t created with the pretense of being chart-topping or mainstream. which doesn’t mean that only “real artists” don’t care about numbers bc that’s just rudimentary. still, ibuki is completely capable of making a song / album hit #1. she has before and could continue to pursue that route if she felt so inclined, but it’s just not what she is after. to her, there is no form of art that is for everyone —— this however would change post tragedy while acting as an ultimate despair.

the driving force behind her music is the unabridged expression of self. and it’s not even That Deep or following the need to be different. you know like the whole, “i’m so quirky and different uwu.” it’s just having the ability to forgo what society “values” and finds “acceptable.” not letting that stuff weigh you down while living whatever is your personal truth, with all the highs and lows that come with it. because when it comes down to it, if you’re living under the premise of others you will always find despair. ( verify your worth / it gets worse )

“to believe your own thought, to believe that what is true for you in your private heart is true for all men, — that is genius. speak your latent conviction, and it shall be the universal sense; for the inmost in due time becomes the outmost…” - mark twain

once she realizes this, she finds her voice and flourishes. ( famous last words / liability (reprise) / turning gold / heaven / free / heavy heart ) and she wants to help other people to realize they have the same opportunity. whether it’s a close friend or complete stranger, ibuki is someone who will sit down with you and listen to your story so that you don’t have to go it alone. ( loud (fuck it) / aura / third eye / face up ) it goes without saying that she’s got a big heart.

verify your worth        ›        vukovi        :        ❛   please substantiate your worth / by answering the following / gender / height / weight / relationship status / list of medications / social class / level of education   ❜

loud (fuck it)        ›        motionless in white        :        ❛   underpaid, you graduate, to build somebody else's dream / with a noose as a tie / do you fantasize of a much different life? / the fix for who they want you to be, directly streamed to your tv   ❜

aura        ›        vukovi        :        ❛   why you wanna hurt someone like you? / crying over sheep that don't get you / so don't be scared, you're not alone / we're weirdos too, and we'll follow you   ❜

it gets worse        ›        mindless self indulgence        :        ❛   because it doesn't get better unless you're pretty / it doesn't get better unless you've got money / it doesn't get better, so listen the fuck up / it never gets better (no!) it gets worse   ❜

liability (reprise)        ›        lorde        :        ❛   all of the dreams that get harder / all of the things that i offer you / and all of the shit that we harbour   ❜

famous last words        ›        my chemical romance        :        ❛   so many bright lights to cast a shadow, but can i speak? / well, is it hard understanding i'm incomplete? / a life that's so demanding, i get so weak / a love that's so demanding, i can't speak   ❜

free        ›        broods        :        ❛   i have lived my life so perfectly / kept to all my lines so carefully / i'd lose everything so I can sing / hallelujah, i'm free / i'm free, i'm free   ❜

third eye        ›        florence + the machine        :        ❛   hey, look up / don't make a shadow of yourself / always shutting out the light / caught in your own creation / look up, look up / it tore you open / and oh, how much?   ❜

battle symphony        ›        linkin park        :        ❛   i got a long way to go / and a long memory / i been searching for an answer / always just out of reach   ❜

turning gold        ›        the pretty reckless        :        ❛   down below, it hits me and keeps me wearin' this mask / but if i ever meet him, i'll be sure to ask for the light / for the light, for the light, for the light   ❜

heaven        ›        troye sivan ft. betty who        :        ❛   the truth runs wild / like the rain to the sea / trying to set straight the lines that i trace / to find some relief / this voice inside / has been eating at me / trying to embrace the picture i paint / and colour me free   ❜

face up        ›        lights        :        ❛   the city's shining bright / but you don't see the light / how come you concentrate on things / that don't make you feel right?   ❜

heavy heart        ›        mothica        :        ❛   i thought color didn't suit me, so i didn't try / pitch black, but they still pursue me / guess i wasn't right / maybe if i try to make them like me / smile little wider, seeming bright / they won't ask to see the darkness i've been hiding / i'm not hiding cause…   ❜

liability (reprise)        ›        lorde        :        ❛   all of the dreams that get harder / all of the things that  offer you,  ayy / and all of the shit that we harbour   ❜

daydreaming        ›        paramore        :        ❛   living in a city of sleepless people / who all know the limits and won't go too far / outside the lines   ❜

good girls        ›        chvrches        :        ❛   and i never had a taste for liars / or the uniquely uninspired / cause i don't need to be desired   ❜

deep end        ›        holly humberstone        :        ❛   throw me in the deep end , i'm ready now to swim   ❜

the world is ugly        ›        my chemical romance        :        ❛   these are their hearts / but their hearts don't beat like ours / they burn 'cause they are all afraid / but mine beats twice as hard   ❜

            𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐌𝐄     :     𝙸𝙳𝙴𝙽𝚃𝙸𝚃𝚈   /   𝙴𝚇𝙸𝚂𝚃𝙴𝙽𝚃𝙸𝙰𝙻   𝙲𝚁𝙸𝚂𝙸𝚂.

with these songs i tried to convey ibuki’s mindset as she moves through the world with all the info to process and deal with. even if with the rest of class 77-b with her, the inner turmoil that follows the rediscovery haunts her violently. she can’t sleep for months after because she gets nightmares and she just can’t believe the things she’s done. no matter how many times she tries to wash herself of the sins she has committed, absolution is just not an option for her. she also can’t deal with the fact that she has this second chance while so many others will not have the same liberty. so why does she? why her and not chiaki? imagine waking up with the last thing you remember being dying, only to be brought back against your own will. then you find out not only did your former classmate KILL YOU, but prior to that, you were also terrorizing and killing people for x amount of time— to the point where you had to be tricked into a simulation that was made to revert you back to being “normal.” BUT all of that was done because some chick got bored one day and decided to cast the whole world into despair. Like, PHEW?? one of these days i’m gonna write a meta abt ibuki being revived. there’s just so much angst that’s unexplored for the victims of v2’s killing game, having to see their murders??? why is everyone around them talking abt hope??? they just woke up from being DEAD, who gives af abt hope. they can never see their families again??? literally what even😭 and ppl want ibuki to just b like “ummm how am i not a zombie” 😭😭😭😭

blurry ( out of place )        ›        crown the empire        :        ❛   when i look back / i never seem to see things clearly / i'm dizzy, yeah, i've spun out of control / 'cause when I look back now / to the lie I keep repeating / i'm so scared that I believe it   ❜

white slavery        ›        type o negative        :        ❛   i’ve lost myself again / it's a nightmare / but it's clear / it will end, but when?   ❜

fine art        ›        the limousines        :        ❛   they're coming back / to point and laugh and ask me   ❜

lost it to trying        ›        son lux        :        ❛   what will we do now? / we've lost it to trying   ❜

perfectly untrue        ›        lucia & the best boys        :        ❛   will you live in my mind forever? / lately, i’ve gotten good at lying / fine on the outside, but inside i'm dying   ❜

sleepsong        ›        bastille        :        ❛   your dreams and memories are blurring into one / the scenes which hold the waking world slowly come undone / you'll come undone…   ❜

staying up        ›        the neighbourhood        :        ❛   it's four o'clock in the middle of the night and I can't sleep / it's all on the peak / so bad i can taste it while it eats me   ❜

into dust        ›        mazzy star        :        ❛   it was you, breathless and torn / i could feel my eyes turning into dust / and two strangers turning into dust   ❜

human        ›        daughter        :        ❛   woken up like an animal / i'm all ready for healing / my mind's lost with nightmares streaming / woken up (kicking screaming)   ❜

comply        ›        llynks        :        ❛   i never want to have to rely on you / never want to have to lie to you / never want to have to defy / don't wanna comply   ❜

silence        ›        snow ghosts        :        ❛   somewhere in my memory / i've been beating out your heart / tearing still in fragments / like dust, they drift apart   ❜        [ rip miss class rep ]

bleach        ›        tusks        :        ❛   evaporate it all / replace me with something more / but I can't feel whole  again / i'm trapped behind your walls / erode in blame / burn edges, i'm afraid / i'll bleach my soul   ❜

𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐌𝐄     :    𝙰𝙱𝚂𝙾𝙻𝚄𝚃𝙴𝙻𝚈 𝙽𝙾𝚃𝙷𝙸𝙽𝙶.

a short bit of songs i think ibuki would listen too. bc she listens to more than just metal and i obviously have to include her absolute banger 😤🙏

from me to you        ›        ibuki mioda

football season is over        ›        bring me to the horizon

not my type : dead as fuck 2        ›        motionless in white

double vision        ›        3oh!3

blackout        ›        breathe carolina

maria ( i like it loud )        ›        abandon all ships

[thereallashae-blog]

Heartbreak

Today I want to talk about heartbreak. When I was little I heard songs about broken hearts, I heard people talk about broken hearts but I never really took the subject itself seriously. I have been rejected by crushes, had things taken from me, stolen from me, childhood pets taken, stolen, given away and I have cried countless times and even more countless tears over a broken heart. When something so dear to you is gone or something you care about so much that you want so badly that you can’t have, don’t have or never will have… well… it crushes you. I have always taken heartbreak harshly. Or losing things harshly. It causes me physical pain and when the sadness hits… it really does hit. I remember when I was very very very young- I can’t exactly remember how old- my parents were solid christians and would spend late nights helping at the church. They would leave my older sister in charge to take care of us and make sure we got to bed on time before they came back around 3 or 4 in the morning. I hated that. I was terrified without my parents. I thought to myself “What if something bad happened?”. I depended on them so much for protection from scary things and the outside world. I had major anxiety issues and I think that's where it all began. I hate losing people. I like to keep friends, stay in touch with family, stay in touch after a break up. That's just me. Once I have something I cherish it so much that I can’t ever imagine letting it go. I remember when my dog sammy had to go to the vet to get neutered. He was gone all day. I missed him so much. He was my best friend and when I was sad or felt lonely and that no one else would understand me, he was the one I spoke to. I loved him. I have always had an issue with connecting with my pets so deeply that I suffer once it’s time to let go. In the middle of the day he crossed my mind and a sharp pain stabbed me in my chest. I couldn’t stop crying and the pain wouldn’t go away. I had no idea what it was. But it went away as soon as he was safe and back home. About a year later I came home from the last day of school and he wasn’t there. I looked around the house and couldn’t find him. I didn’t worry about it too much because I assumed he was somewhere playing or something. But after a while I got worried and asked my parents where the dogs were. (there were two miniature poodles. “Sammy” and “Snoopy” And they said “We gave him to the SPCA. We can’t afford to take care of him anymore.” And nothing. I said nothing. I felt nothing. I was fine. But the truth was I was so hurt that it traumatized me. It was about two weeks later. I hadn’t shed one tear. Then one morning I woke up so sad… I didn’t know why. So I decided to write down how I was feeling and maybe I would come to the root of why I felt the way I did. After rambing on for two pages I finally wrote “And I really miss my dog.” Seeing those letters written on that paper struck me hard. And all those happy memories flashed by. And I burst into tears. I cried and I cried and I cried and it hurt. Badly. Horribly. The paper was soaked with tears and the black crayola marker smeared across. After that day it was all a blur. That was my first experience with depression. But that is another story. Anyways my point is… heartbreak hurts. But the kind of heartbreak that BROKE me was when I had my heart broken for the very first time. I’m talking about LOVE. Yes… LOVE. The thing that I never ever thought would happen to me. Truth is NO ONE is safe. If I cried over my dog going to the vet KNOWING he would be back soon… you can imagine how I took it. Not good. But I’m getting to that. Loving someone is one thing. Loving your mother, your sister, your brother. But when you FALL IN LOVE with a person. That is a different kind of love. I believe this is mainly because your partner can provide you with certain things that your family and friends cannot. The special feelings they give you, the way they touch you, they way they talk to you, sexual satisfaction, a whole different world. In a relationship it becomes the two of you. Always the two of you. You are never alone because you guys are always together. Thatperson becomes your best friend and when you need them they are there. You feel and truly believe this person will be in your life forever and you will always be together. We all know that it’s SO unrealistic but it’s what we feel when we are in love. Even after falling in love I still had the same beliefs as when I was a little kid. I didn’t believe that people stay together forever. I believed that people come and go. They meen, cherish time together and eventually feelings fade and everyone moves on. Even though I couldn’t let ANYONE or ANYTHING go. Not even when I knew I had to. In my relationship I didn’t take it seriously at first. It was my first committed relationship and I didn’t think it would last. I was going to just have fun with it, roll with it and see where it went. Or see how far it went before we got bored and decided to peacefully part ways. But he didn’t get bored. He fell in love with me and he provided me with things that no one else did. That no one else could. It was physical. It was spiritual. The way he spoke to me… the way he touched me… his way of being. His experience. His deepness. I had my guard down because I felt I was immune to love. I was like “Oh it’s so sweet how badly he wants me. I’ll feed into it. I like how it feels. It’s nice to be wanted so hard.” I had been with many boys and I had NO feelings for them. M feelings were never more then “I like him. He’s cool.” or “He’s nice.” But somehow this man pushed through. I began to feel new things that I never felt before and it scared me. One time I stayed up all night crying because I couldn’t stop thinking about him and I thought that something was wrong with me. I started having dreams about him and obsessing over him. Wondering what he was doing. Checking my phone all day to see if he messaged. I had never gone through that before. I was usually always the one having that boy waiting and obsessing over me. I was spiraling. 

(STAY TUNED FOR MORE IN THE NEXT)

[fadebolt]

Oooookaaayyy, I've checked out the stream and the news, and to say that I'm pumped would be putting things quite lightly.

Of course, it was fun to see the devs talk about stuff, some lovely folks I know from the Container popping up in the museum, and the Sanshee restock (that I'm contemplating about ordering from, even though my preordered Slugpup plushies haven't even been sent out yet).

But most importantly, we have the thing that everyone's been raving about....

A new DLC centered around Nightcat!

I very much adore this for many reasons.

The wording, as well as the screenshots in the Steam post imply that we're gonna be in a completely new area, away from the long abandoned facility grounds of LttM and FP. The new regions/areas were the absolute best part of Downpour, and having a DLC that is seemingly centered around them on an even bigger level just sounds incredible (Jadzio might also have some fun polling them, too :D).

The animation of the trailer is also pretty neat. It's short, sure, but there's just something about seeing Rain World in this new style that makes me smile. Style alternating is what makes me love League's animated media so much, and I'm very happy that RW is starting to dip its toes into that too.

The naming of the new Slugcat, as well as its stationary stealth ability... dude is a Slugcat Night Elf, fair and square. This could be a coincidence, sure, but I would absolutely not be surprised if there're some Warcraft fans amongst the devs, because that's a very obvious connection that I've made pretty much immediately. And I'm not saying that as a way of criticism - because I freaking love Night Elves, not just from a story and thematic perspective, but also their gameplay in Warcraft 3 (Terror of the Tides being an incredible campaign, and Eternity's End having a bunch of awesome moments helps a ton, too).

As for how me and the rest of the fandom will handle the Watcher in headcanons and potential content going forward, well...

It's gonna be a bit tricky, for sure. I imagine the DLC will not come out for quite a while, but it'll most likely shatter all my headcanons and lore ideas to pieces, and any plans of me writing stories about Nightcat just got even more complicated now. But I don't mind this too much, as I'm confident I'll be more than capable of figuring out how to integrate the official content into my stuff, and the same applies to the rest of the fandom, too (and if all else fails, I can always pull the "Nightcat and Watcher are two entirely different characters" card, but that sounds uncreative and boring, and I wanna avoid that, even if Enot was pretty much globally accepted as a different character, despite their color, and them mentioning 'being removed from Arena').

One other positive to mention is that Nightcat X Spearmaster might actually blow up a decent bit now. And if that happens, I'll get to claim the royal title of being someone from the original Inkblot gang, which will be amazing. Plus, more content about my favorite pair, who wouldn't be happy about that?

I just hope that the fandom isn't going to get into crazy arguments/dramas over the Watcher/Nightcat stuff. Everyone is going to change their content around the new revelations differently, and that's ok. I'm probably worrying about nothing here, but I have seen folks pick bones with creators over minor harmless stuff before, so my concerns are probably valid. Let's just let everyone have fun with whatever approach they wish to take, m'kay?

That's all my thoughts regarding the new revelations for now. If this post came off as a bit mixed, then I want to clarify that I'm still absolutely excited about the new content, and I'm very glad that this forgotten scug is getting its well deserved resurgence.

Everything is gonna be great and fun, and I am very much hyped about it! (I'm already in love with all the fan content, btw. The speed at which everyone is showing appreciation is simply staggering. You guys are impressive as all hell!)

[fadebolt]

My brother and I both have our birthdays in March, so our uncle has bought gifts for both of us simultaneously. He has decided to pick a Steam game that has been peaking his interest due to how much he's been hearing a lot about it from someone else recently (and from a rather popular CA video too, I guess).

I suppose it's not very hard to guess what game I'm referring to here. He's even going to wait for me to get home before he'll try it, which is just so incredibly sweet. I hope he'll end up liking it, but considering how he's played a bunch of very unique games that are difficult, have pixelart, or require a boatload of patience, Rain World should be right up his alley.

This is the first time I've managed to get anyone outside of my 4 and 6 year old cousins interested in the game, and I'm frankly quite pumped about it. Though I pray he isn't gonna come over to the Tumblr fandom of the game, cus yeah, he's an amazing guy and I love him, and the same goes for this community, but sometimes, it's simply for the best to keep some things nicely separated, even if you hold both of them rather dear to yourself. As sweet as Tumblr is, it does have a bit of a scary side to it, and it already gives me enough anxiety about the stuff I'm putting out, so I really don't need the stress of having to worry about someone else too.

On another note, I'll have to travel right when the anniversary stream is happening, so I won't get to see the art and announcements live, together with everyone else :(

Thankfully, Akupara does archive its streams, and I doubt any of my stuff would show up anyway, since they only get to showcase, like, 1% (or maybe even less) of the art month drawings, and as much as I'm improving, I'm definitely not even close to the top 1% yet.

Also, again, apologies for the bits of silence, I'm often forgetting to post stuff, cus there's just too much stuff happening, and it's difficult to keep track of it all. I guess I should look through my stuff to see if I forgot anything good, but outside of that, I'll probably just put up everything in a Google Drive as proof that I actually did the darn challenge (even if I attempted some things that were a bit much for me to handle in such a short timeframe, but you know, we live and learn).

Oh, and what did I choose for my birthday gift? Why, the La Ilusion Renata Glasc skin from League, of course! I spammed the heck out of the Chem-Baroness when the Arena was around, and it sounded nice to have a new look for my girl for the next time when the mode rolls around :D

Fright Night is a cool choice too, but I prefer the 'evil mistress of nature' vibes, plus I wanna keep the mask!

That's it for my ramblings! I'm honestly very excited, but also tired as all hell, and I'm definitely taking a bit of a break from drawing once March is over. I might get back to it fairly soon, but that depends on a ton of factors I can't really predict. We'll just have to see what the creative part of my brain will desire during my somewhat sparse free alone time!

[fadebolt]

Seeing these messages on Discord, and then checking on my own order on Sanshee be like....

............

Okay, fine, that guy is probably an American, but I honestly have a feeling that they haven't even sent off my shipment yet, even though I live in the middle of Europe, and not like, in Antarctica or something.

Eh, I suppose I should have expected this, considering that non-Americans have been making comments about Sanshee's shipping issues for a while now (and the fact that I preordered at a later date might also be contributing here, but hey, it isn't my fault that my college support money arrived with a massive delay last year).

I just hope it still arrives in spring, at least. It's already a long wait, and it would suck to potentially have to extended even further into summer or autumn. I want their companionship in this big lonely apartment, and I'm sure my lil cousins would love to hold them too, while we're playing the Slugcat Game :D

[fadebolt]

NOOO! NO GOD PLEASE NO! NO!

NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Seriously, amateur voice acting is so fun, and I've seen (or more like, heard) so many incredible performances from hobbyists over the years.

But it's very difficult to find stuff where you could be included, as 99% of us don't get the privilege of receiving deals involving unthinkably high amounts of money, for big budget productions.

The thing I find so wonderful about voice acting is that truly anyone can just go ahead and do it, and sometimes, if certain creators on the internet like your performance enough, they could give you an opportunity to be involved in their content (or you yourself could make content that involves your voice, that works too). And AI voices specifically harm people who are in this exact position.

Obviously, there are places where using these is absolutely valid. For instance, in the case of the Warcraft 3 Alternate project - where the campaigns all use the default dialogue, except that a few words occasionally get replaced to fit better (since they are race swap campaigns, so if anyone says "orc" or "the Horde" in vanilla, they will now have to say "human" or "the Alliance" instead). In that case, it is a way better solution to get those lines from AI, rather than having the character randomly switching between their default VA, and the new one.

Also, it's not really a crime to want these sorts of voices in your works, or anything (especially if they involve characters that already have canon voices). However, I would like to encourage creators to try and actually seek out voice actors for their works online.

There are many of us that would be incredibly happy to have the opportunity to record lines for you, all you need to do is simply ask.

[fadebolt]

Goddamnit, the SC people didn't nominate me as a prolific VA on the shippy awards. Kids these days... they just don't appreciate the high vocal ranges like they used to >:

...I suppose it also probably didn't help that in the live dubs, I was often doing minor characters under my terrible Serbian internet connection, but I digress

Sometimes, it's just nice and healthy to express a tad bit of envy, y'know. Even if I actually have more than enough things to feel happy about xd

This has also given me a big load of motivation to start doing and sharing voiceover stuff again. Too bad, I'm in the middle of an art month right now, but hopefully, the motivation's gonna last until that's all done. Hopefully.

[fadebolt]

There's been a boatload of talk about negative stuff in my Tumblr circles, so it's time to do some random rambling about the awesome stuff that's been happening recently, cus this is my space, and I came to this website for escapism and happiness, goddamnit!

So, art month's been going pretty dang well so far. Of course, I'm still not an expert, and I'm not getting an enormous amount of notes or anything, but I'm definitely improving and climbing up, slowly but surely (and the fact that I could get even just a few people to care enough click the buttons feels incredible... maybe I should do more ships and power swapped scugs in the future?). Exams will probably start coming up in the second half of the month, and I may have to skip or delay lots of days then, but I still have plenty of time until that happens (yes, I know I didn't do 4 yet, but I assure you - that had nothing to do with the drama that was happening, I was just tired as hell, and so I couldn't draw too much xd).

Some other games I've been following have also got some good news - like for instance, there's this custom campaign series in Warcraft 3 called 'Warcraft 3 Alternate', which are the vanilla campaigns, just races and factions all being swapped around, with a bunch of extra new features, systems, units, heroes, and other additions too. And couple days ago, it's fifth campaign was released, which I really enjoyed watching on YouTube, since this is the point in the story where all the main factions pop up, but they're all swapped around now, so the situation is kind of a mess. Oh, and this partially inspired fire Rivulet too, so there's some neat trivia I guess.

And League of Legends - while is not getting the Arena back, that me and my dad had such a blast with - is getting updated bots, which is very much a big deal for me, cus I used to constantly 1v5 them, as a way to enjoy all the awesome and fun characters from the game, without having to potentially put up with douchebags the matchmaking might throw at me. And if I have time, I'll most definitely want to test of these new ones will be 1v5-able, and if so, which champions could pull it off?

Now, back on track to the Rain game - I've been really loving all the amazing pieces my dear friends and mutuals and acquaintances and other lovely folks have been making for the art month! Their skills and creativity is nothing short of impressive. However, I've been running into a bit of a dilemma, where I'm often thinking about liking or reblogging something, but then my brain goes "Hey, what about all the other stuff that you aren't reblogging or liking, even though they would clearly deserve it? Wouldn't it be unfair if you boosted this, but not those?" and it kind of makes me not want to press the buttons, even if the post might actually deserve them.

Does anybody else have this experience, or am I just going crazy here? There's probably some sort of solution here, and I hope I'll eventually figure it out, cus y'know, it's probably also unfair to not like or reblog people's stuff, while still hoping that they would do it to me. It just feels a lil dirty, and I'm really trying to figure out how to make myself stop.

... yeah, I know this was meant to be about only positivivty, but I wanted to mention that little pet peeve of mine. I don't really feel like it would b justified to create a Disord chatroom just for this, y'know.

[fadebolt]

Okay, I have absolutely 0 clue what a Zionist is, nor why it's supposed to be bad that Ludeo has paid respects to the Israeli people that have terribly suffered and died recently.

But to say that "at point, I'm too terrified to ask" would be the understatement of the century.

I feel like I'm missing something crucial here, and goddamnit, I really don't wanna end up on some kind of list as a result of my uninformed-ness.

It's probably best if I just won't say anything, and trust that the community knows what it's talking about. It just feels very alienating to see everyone go "Man, fuck these guys!", and I'm just sitting there like, "...yeah sure, I suppose, I really dunno what to think here, but I really don't want to piss anyone off, so uhh... let's go get 'em, I guess!"

But to be completely honest, having an apathy for this sort of stuff is probably for the best. Because we're completely powerless, when it comes to our ability to make an actual difference, while misinformations, half truths, brainwashing and censorships and are running rampant literally everywhere you look. I really don't need that sort of stress in my life, where I'm getting really emotional about stuff that's happening on a completely different part of the planet, while making sure to second guess myself at every turn to avoid getting duped.

It's just easier and better to tell everyone you talk with, that you agree with them, and that you have their backs. It just saves you from so much unnecessary negativity. And not having an opinion to begin with will ensure that you aren't actually lying when you do that. But it does make these situations feel a bit weird.

Sorry for dumping all this stuff, this has just been building in me for a while, and the desire to type it out is especially peaking now (for reasons that I imagine are quite obvious). Maybe it's best if I just blacklist tags, or don't check on the internet as frequently, but idk, I'm always curious to see what my favorite people are up to. And sometimes, they just like getting involved in controversial topics that I tend to stray away from for the sake of my own sanity. But there's nothing wrong with that, it's just in the nature of folks, and is something I'll just have to learn to accept.

(Though if you want to tell me that not having an opinion makes me an evil, then I'll kindly ask you to bugger off. I have many responsibilities, but constantly worrying about what people in positions of authority across the planted are doing is NOT, and NEVER will be one of them. I choose to act kind at every possible opportunity, and that matters way more than whatever ideology I claim to believe in on the internet. And that's a lesson I wish a lot of people would learn)