#failing every single day
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i know there's a lot of ego and assumptions about my own susceptibility to manipulation going on here but i truly think i am immune to most cults. not even from a bullshit detection standpoint, but from a standpoint of every account i have ever heard/read of someone finding themselves in a cult or mlm includes descriptions of social situations that would overstimulate and stress me out so bad that i would vomit and leave immediately. a road trip with strangers? a self-improvement seminar? giving out my phone number to someone i met in an aisle at target? having to host a recruitment party? the constant hype machine behavior? love-bombing? the pressure to socialize? unpaid morning zoom calls? maybe it's because i never went to church as a kid but i have no concept of "faith" in something unseen nor do i ache for a "community" larger than a handful of fellow hobby-havers, so the idea of manufacturing a new passion just to fit into a crowd i otherwise have nothing in common with sounds like a type of psychological torture customized for me specifically. i barely muster passion for the things i like.
i can understand completely how people get sucked into them and don't think it's something on which character should solely be judged. most people actually do ache for that community, and most people are actually flattered and not freaked out if someone begins to fawn over them, because we are social creatures isolated by capitalism and crave comfort and validation from others. but on my mother, if a new friend dragged me to a "show" that turned out to be a motivational speaker my departure would be so rude and abrupt. i am too fucking autistic to chant affirmations with an auditorium of 1000 people.
if i am ever victimized by a "cult" it'll probably be more of a final fantasy house low-scale personality cult sort of situation. while i would hope better for myself, a charismatic online person warming up to me until i'm sucked into their little circle of sycophants they have collected is not outside the realm of imagination, and all i can hope is that my true friends will be honest enough about catching bad vibes that it never happens.
#can't sleep just thoughts#binged a lot of videos last night about cults and mlms since grifts are a special interest#and every single time without fail i'm just thinking#god this wouldn't work on me#what the narrator describes as a fun time with a group of new friends sounds like actual Hell to me#what do you MEAN you attended a seminar with someone you met on a layover???#no it's the niche fandom spider queens who collect pet artists that will get me one day
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outtakes from my rita skeeter character study i did feverishly at 4am last night/this morning
#my delusional princess with a disorder#worlds worst person with narcissistic tendencies#only still alive out of sheer force of will and spite#mediocre journalist and writer with huge dreams and an ego the size of the universe#will sleep her way to the top#genuinely believe shes ’self made’ and ’rags to riches’ when in reality bella’s presence is giving her work and status and clout#she sleeps like 3h a night and wakes up with a cigarette hanging from her lips and face pressed against her notebooks#the type of person who lies to herself so often that shes gaslighting herself into believing it#’god ive been working so hard’ <— girl who stayed in bed all day staring at a notebook and chainsmoking#eventually gave up all together and decided to watch a kathrine hepburn film instead#but she genuinely believes no one is doing it like her…….#she doesnt ever cook only orders in#her flat is a mess and bordering on gross#she hasnt slept in her own bed in a year she always falls asleep at her desk or in her armchair#fails every single job interview and is off putting and intense#MY GIRL THE LOVE OF MY LIFE#rita skeeter#rita
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Kittie and doggie violence :3c
#It makes no sense have mercy I'm going through autumn mood dip sobbbbbb#Rocket executive archer#Executive archer#Island kahuna Nanu#Background Giovanni for great justice#It absolutely is shippy if they are just permanently annoying each other on every single level#If you put them on any spectrum at all they are the opposites#Watch me and my fail art#Kinda disasters lol#Gio is here for popcorn and sights#I am only mildly insane about them these days pls don't mind#Weapons make no sense nothing makes sense it's all just vibes#I just was like OH NO EMPTY SPACE and I panicked pls mercy wwww
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this being the first theory battler has lampshaded and discarded as a joke is making me extremely 👁
#umineko liveblog#like. everything else has been taken seriously even when it's stupid#but this is outright dismissed the second it's mentioned. surely not..........#ough but wait. the possibility of the captive beatrice falling pregnant is rather high#and there are several plausible scenarios with which a hidden child could work#i mean if we go full cliche then the answer here is that nanjo somehow helped beatrice hide the child#making him like double compromised with kinzo. almost like a moral stalemate even#also given the date the mansion was built we can assume this kid would be in their early/mid 30s present day#only known candidate on rokkenjima who fits the criteria would be rosa but that doesn't really makes sense#either that or gohda is a good 10-15 years younger than you'd think he is#but then i'm thinking about the ushiromiya shannon stuff and wondering if there isn't an orphanage link#not that shannon's the beatrice child because she's 15 years too young for that#but perhaps the kid was concealed in the orphanage and this is where the furniture stuff comes in?#every single servant kid is less than human unless they prove themselves to be a worthy substitute for the lost child#and the abuse comes from the fact that they also bear the brunt of kinzo's rage at this kid for having slipped out of his grasp#and of course none of the servant children can ever compare to kinzo's ideal so the cycle perpetuates forever#furniture in that they're being punished for not innately being an ushiromiya successor#this also feeds into the beatrice/kinzo becoming stuff too at a slightly different angle#the children are brought on expected to carry fragments of both beatrice and kinzo and tormented when they fail to do so#meanwhile i genuinely think if a beatrice kid existed they would presently be extremely far removed from rokkenjima#like some random well adjusted adult who knows very little of their origins#meaning that even if kinzo ever found this person they too would not be a fitting ushiromiya successor#yeah i think there might be some potential for this kind of theory
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"i really hope you don't have any more work for the rest of this year. fingers crossed [client] isn't giving us more work, but if they do i'm dumping it to january."
"here's my performance evaluation for the team this year: you guys didn't take enough day offs, so make sure to do so next year."
"friendly reminder to remember to log out from all work apps when you go on your holidays!"
"cancelling this meeting session because of festive season. happy holidays all!"
;w; dear gods, i love my coworkers and the working culture in this company so much
#rin rambles#(these are all said by 4 different people btw)#this is my payment for sticking by a company who made me do deployment till 4am in the office and calls back in at 9am the same day#for a whole 5+ years#work to live not live to work#i dont even need titles atp i can live comfortably enough and i'm satisfied#well for most months#and that's enough#which reminds me#i should use that dental and specs insurance next year hskdjskdj#i would fail so hard at being a mom how tf do you research on which dental ppaces are good but also within budget and#dont fking pressure you into filling every single spot on your teeth#neither school nor my family taught me about the importance of proper health care and it's such a sad reality sometimes
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sketch
#tomgreg#tom wamsgans#greg hirsch#fanart#sketch#b&w#i was going to line this one and maybe colour it but i struggled too much with the sketch and i made the file too big so i became exhausted#i have been drawing more succession things but im unsure if i should post them elsewhere#i might just stick to posting on tumblr exclusively since ive failed to get used to twt#on top of that twitter succession fans scare me lol ive not seen a single account not getting into fights every single day#and tom is always in the middle of it <3#mi florerito de mesa favorito<333
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if there's one thing you gotta know about me is that im always going to reccomend the story perpetual mourning aka the first story in batman black and white 1996 like legitimately nothing else about me matters more than my intense insistence that everyone should read the short story perpetual mourning from the first issue of the comic batman black and white (1996) nothing matters more to me than being an advocate for everyone reading the first 8 pages of the 1996 comic batman black and white so they can experience the story perpetual mourning
#literally i will reblog it every single day without fail if it convinces even one of you to read it its so short and soooo :((((#one of my top moments of getting into batman and reading it for the first time and having to put my phone down to process my emotions#blog thesis#putting this on my own post idc. my name is ransom and i like body hair & the story perpetual mourning.what else do u need to know about me#perpetual mourning posting
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i started this year off wanting to change myself in a way that would hurt me but now i realize that was a shitty thing to do. but i want to do it. again.
#random thoughts#self-destructive tendencies for the win!! on and off since 2022!!#i've been trying to convince myself i am diseased when really i am not. there is nothing wrong with me.#because it is not severe. i have not been close to death. it's fine. in fact i often do the opposite of what i want#and fail myself every single day. but i want to make myself ill on purpose because without illness what am i.#saying there is nothing wrong with you because there is nothing wrong with you does not mean there is nothing wrong with you.#there is something very wrong with me. but i always want to fix it. but i don't. so i fix it. but it's not fixing.#it's making me better and worse.#might as well project some of this onto my favorite oc clemens because. he's just like me now. languages boy. with a strange childhood#my parents weren't surgeons. my parents got divorced like kristian's. but we haven't moved to a new country because of it yet.#i say yet because it will happen. but this is unrelated to my previous complications.#I WANT TO GET BETTER.#but i really. really don't. because if i do then nobody will believe me.#i wish i could just tell someone. but then they will think i am lying to them.#for now i shall sit in my bed and stare at the ceiling#and stare at the forever closed window and close my eyes as well#and when i open them it will be 12 days later and i will be purified#i love you marina abramović
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listened to american pie while thinking about the league of villains do NOT fucking talk to me
#SOMEONE SHOULD HAVE SAVED THEM. EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM EMBODIES SOME FORM OF SOCIETAL FAILING#IT'S NOT EVEN SUBTEXT IT IS THEIR LITERAL ROLE AS CHARACTERS AND YET THEY ARENT SAVED#THEY'RE DEMONISED UNTIL THE END AND THEY'RE DROPPING LIKE FLIES AND I KNOW HOW THIS ENDS#THEY'RE ALL GONNA DIE AND IT'S GONNA BE CELEBRATED. KILLING MYSELF#THEY WERE FRIENDS IN SPITE OF IT ALL. THESE PEOPLE WHO REJECTED SOCIETY STILL CRAVED COMMUNITY SO DESPERATELY#THE DAY THE MUSIC DIED AND WE WERE SINGING BYE BYE MISS AMERICAN PIE- *GUNSHOT* *SCREAMING* *EXPLOSIONS*#TAKE THIS SONG OFF MEEEEEEEEEEE#mha#league of villains#also saw a tiktok yesterday of someone being like 'cannot BELIEVE the todorokis are all focusing on touya rn#when shouto is literally injured' and all the comments were like 'this is why i hate dabi' WHAT IF YOU KILLED YOURSELF#I LOVE SHOUTO BUT FOR ONCE THIS AINT ABOUT HIM!! FUCKING HELL I FEEL LIKE IM YELLING AT A BRICK WALL#'HE'S INJURED' TOUYA JUST BLEW HIMSELF UP AGAIN. I THINK WE HAVE BIGGER FISH TO FRY HERE
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.
#(I'm alive)#(I'm honestly still not okay but... don't worry about me.)#(I'm at least finally out of that state of mind)#(When you have to deal with being used and still being spoken to and treated like you are the shittiest thing to be placed on this earth)#(Every single day)#(You eventually start to believe it yourself)#(And then being... betrayed again by someone you love has kind of been the final nail for me this period)#(I still feel like throwing up when I try to come on here to speak to anyone)#(But I'm alive)#(I always fail)#// suicide mention#// suicide#// negative#(I saw my friends messages though and... thank you so much...)#(My dumbass finds it hard to believe that I deserve love by this point but... please know I am grateful still)#(That you guys reached out the way you have)#(And I hope to reply you all one of these days)#// abuse
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USFS and SafeSport I am in your walls
#figure skating#five fucking years to investigate an accusation of r*pe and the case is STILL pending?#be so fucking for real right now!#everyday usfs and safesport fail survivors. every single fucking day
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going into instagram comments is crazy it’s like seeing into a (much MUCH) worse alternate reality like You ppl live such unfathomably terrible lives to me….
#aside from the general everything they’re just so boring and miserable. Btw#sorry it’s just i’ve had insta on my phone lately (unfortunately i can’t delete it until the party ☹️) & every SINGLE time i see some sort o#reel and i’m like HA yknow what i think? and then everyone in the comments is saying the complete opposite thing#every single time without fail#the other day i saw a reel where a bartender dumped all the leftover stuff from the thing (idk what it’s called) into a cup and every1 in#the comments was like ugh yucky disgusting / yk ppl put even grosser stuff in their mouths like genitals. besides if it’s cleaned regularly#enough it should be fine / that’s a big IF. meanwhile i’m like Yum jungle juice 😋#also one time i saw ppl talking abt how they sleep in binders at sleepovers COME ON reddit is free transtape exists. please#<- these r like the worst examples ever but it’s ok#also like the insane casual misogyny. it’s so bad out here guys#.txt#ppl arguing in the comments like ‘that’s like 2k calories’ / ‘why r u being negative besides it’s only like 300 at max’ / ‘it’s not#negativity’ GUYS. WHAT THE FUCK. CALORIES ARE GOOD I <3 ENERGY???? YOUR BODY ALSO LOVES ENERGY. COME ON. BUTTER 4 LYFE BITCH#OH AND ONE TIME someone made vanilla extract and the comments were all panicked muslims like oh no im rethinking all my vanilla extract#buying GUYS do you or do you not eat bread. great now figure out the alcohol content of fermented yeast vs a drop of ethanol in a cake (that#is being baked anyway!)
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disagree with mondays being the worst day of the week actually. its never anything other than tuesday for me
#every single week without fail my day gets ruined one way or another i cannot recall one day in which i didnt have to rotate the tuesday#again no problem dog in my head to get through those accursed 24 hours#duck rants about something#at least we have kaiyoubi wa chuu day............ one good thing to come out of it......................................
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Holly Martins is the protagonist of ALL TIME, you don’t even understand…
he thinks he’s the hero in a western
he doesn’t know ANY German
he writes cheap novelettes
he sucks at flirting
he hates cops
he gets an old man killed
he doesn’t know what a crisis of faith is (until it’s too late)
he is NOT coping
he gets bit by a bird
he doesn’t know anyone’s name
he makes terrible jokes
he Cannot Leave
and, most importantly, he is deeply, deeply stupid
#i love him SO much - it’s unreal#he is everything to me#if i had to pick a favorite character in the film it would probably be Anna#because she has some of the most raw and unhinged lines i have ever heard that break my heart into a million pieces every time#but i saw some Holly slander the other day and i will NOT stand for it#he is TRYING and he is FAILING and that is PERFECT#the real mystery of The Third Man is how much trauma can one man go through without processing a single ounce of it?#stay tuned till the end to find out!#the third man 1949#holly martins
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Tumblr updated despite the fact I turned off automatic updates for this shitty app, and now everything is just slightly worse. Why the fuck is the image viewer so ugly. Why is there a tiktok-esque scrolling feature when I view an image or video, and it DOESN'T EVEN SHOW ME THE NEXT CONTENT ON MY DASHBOARD, IT JUST SHOWS RANDOM ALGORITHM-SELECTED POSTS FROM PEOPLE I DON'T FOLLOW. What the fuck. Who decided this was a good idea. Why does every single app seem to just randomly make things worse. I haven't seen a positive update on literally any application in YEARS.
#Tumblr update#I am PISSED#I get so pissed off every time an app updates because the update is never ever ever actually an improvement#it is worse Every Single Time. Without Fail#my autistic ass is FURIOUS#I was having such a good day too#my whole day ruined by sudden rage at an app updating#staff fix your shit
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