#feeling sad today bc it's my mom's birthday

[bunnihearted]

🌧️🐇

[kaidabakugou]

the new girl at one of my favorite bakeries called me pretty this morning and it literally melted all my stress away 🥺

[reachingrachnius]

27 🎉 😍 💐

[willowfey]

peace and love to everyone who enjoys their birthdays but as someone who loves birthday parties for other ppl my own impending birthday fills me with the kind of dread comparable to someone being banished forever

[annwrites]

happy birthday, billy

— pairing: billy hargrove x fem!reader

— type: part of a series

— summary: you give billy a b-day gift.

— tags: billy being sad, until you make him happy.

— tw: mentions of domestic violence

— word count: 673

— a/n: this is an outtake from my thoroughfare series. for once i didn't use a gif, bc nothing i came across fit for this post, so to google images i went lol.

When you enter class, you’re filled with nerves. This was a stupid idea. But Billy had given you a handful of moments of kindness—something he didn’t seem to tend to show toward many others—and they meant something to you. A great deal. A greater deal than you wanted to admit. 

Some nights, you’d lie awake, your door locked, as you listened to your father yelling, breaking things, and tears would stream down your face, lip trembling, body shaking in fear that he’d finally turn toward your room, break down the door, and make you his next target. 

And during those nights, your thoughts would drift toward those memories of him. Billy. His moments of honest vulnerability toward you. Somehow, going away into your mind and reliving such events comforted you. 

You wanted to repay the favor. Today was his birthday. Eighteen, you believed, he was turning.

Maybe he’d make fun of you for it. Maybe he’d throw the gift back in your face and tell you how much he hated it; that it was ugly. To take it back. 

Maybe he’d tell you that you were stupid to think those moments of kindness ever meant anything, when, in reality, they were his way of trying to get in close to you to finally get between your thighs. That’s what it seemed he desired from most girls at school. And he always seemed to get it, too.

What if he thought it was you finally showing…that kind of interest in him? Or he perceived it as you trying to lead him on? What if he made some smart-mouth comment about it, causing a scene, and your classmates got the wrong impression?

You sigh. He can think what he wants. What’s important is that you know why you’d gotten it: to say ‘thank you’. 

Billy smirks as you come closer to your desk, then glances to the small black box, complete with a blue ribbon wrapped around it, in your hand. He nearly frowns then. Had someone—some douchebag here at school, perhaps—given you a gift today? It’s not like it was your birthday. He’d checked the calendar at the front of the classroom for it a week after coming to Hawkins, and it’d turned out it had passed a month before he ever even joined the class. 

It was his, however, but it’s not like anyone paid enough attention to care. Not even his dad. Or his ignorant step-mom, or pain-in-the-ass step-sister. He tells himself it’s just another day, anyway. Doesn’t fucking matter.

After setting your things down on your desk, you set the box atop his with a warm, gentle smile. “Happy birthday, Billy,” you say quietly.

He stares at you, speechless, mind blank from just those three words. And then he looks at the box. Finally, he sits up, feet planted on the floor, as he picks it up. He wants to make a smart-ass comment—needs to—because the way he really feels right now…he can’t let you see that. That this means…so fucking much to him. 

You’d…you’d remembered. Had gotten him something, packaged it, even. This had been planned.

He keeps his mouth shut, pulling at the ribbon, letting it fall to the desk before pulling open the lid and finding a plain, silver-chain necklace inside.

He looks up to you.

You shift on your feet, your right hand coming to grab your left forearm. “I…I wasn’t sure what to get. I saw your ring and just thought… If you don’t like it, the receipt is in the box. You can always return it, or-”

You watch as he gingerly picks it up, unclasps it, then fastens it around his neck. 

You grow quiet then. 

“Thank you,” he says, glancing up to you, then back down to the box as he places the ribbon inside, closing it before shoving it into his jacket pocket. 

You smile again. “You’re welcome. Are…are you eighteen, then?”

He nods.

You do as well, just once, then sit before class starts.

He doesn’t pull your hair that day.

[yourgrantaire]

it was my mom's birthday on friday so I didn't go to my local pride parade, which I don't regret bc it was wonderful to see my family and we were all able to make it for dinner which never happens, and I didn't go to the pride event on Saturday - also don't regret bc I spent some time with friends which was wonderful. I do kind of regret not going to a local pride event in the 31st bc the only reason I didn't go was because I was feel anxious and shy. But I was thinking about this because my coworker who lives in florida asked me if I went to any pride events and she mentioned that there were two parades near her that were canceled because of the anti-lgbt laws/backlash in Florida, but there is one further away that she is going to go to with her wife next weekend, and so I was reading up on why the event were canceled and read about how in florida they can't display rainbows on the bridges anymore and that big events are being canceled and I feel sad and I feel lucky. When I was with my friend on Saturday night we were walking and could see one of the tallest buildings downtown lit up in rainbow and I was happy about it but I didn't think about it that hard, and when I was driving home I went over the bridge which was rotating rainbow colors which was beautiful but I took it a little bit for granted. when I was looking up what happened with the pride parades in florida I found this article that made me cry

Its only the 10th today so I still have time to go to something and there will be something to go to

Idk fuck dude 😭

[hanrolld]

09/06/2024 ໒꒱★˚⁎⁺˳ .

today was bitter sweet, my day begun with my grand grandmothers birthday she lives in another country so my mom and dad wished her a happy birthday through the phone, I wanted to wish her a happy birthday but it was too late and my mom didn’t woke me up for me to congratulate my grandma.. so I was mad, my mom as always tried to undo her wrongs with food, my dad was fixing my moms phone and he ask me to do something, I told him that u actually didn’t know how to do it and he yell at me for not know things and always making a fuss, bc yeah I’m the problem as always, then I went to work, sad of course bc my anger always turns to sadness, me and my boss actually had a great time, come back home after my first shift, ate and watched lost in translation, pretty good movie love appreciatiative movies, then when back to work, it was really fun we had a great time the second shift also, one of the delivery guys gave us food bc an order form another places was canceled sooo we ate free Parmesan sticks and cookies yey, there was like so many moments where I felt so lucky lol like the free food, not a lot of orders in the sushi place, my boss took me home, then I came home and… my mind is a mess, I feel like I’m living a dark moment in my life, like I’m experimenting some ideas and breakdowns and honestly idk how to put it, it just what it is I guess, maybe it’s just the seasonal depression… I hate that world but the rain is too intense, love you, say it back

[elegyofthemoon]

MORE GUSH PASS FOR YOU BC YOU'VE BEEN ENJOYING THEM SO MUCH AND I'VE BEEN ENJOYING READING THEM!!! 🎟️🎟️🎟️

also thank u for ur tags on the kylilah wedding fic i'm ;A; waAaAaAAAA meliora crying.png ilysm

TY I LOVE YOU and i love abusing these gush passes so much when i'm like "i need to write a whole essay right now to express my feelings or i will set myself on fire" so guess what you're about to get.

But anyhows~ of course!! ^7^ kylilah wedding fic was just so cute how could I resist reading all of it and commenting? the writing was just so beautiful and so perfect ;; v;;

I accidentally went off to Sophia about Birthright!Leo specifically and yes, sure, I haven't touched Fates in a while (last time I did I'm pretty sure it was for. March? OR FOR LEO'S BIRTHDAY ACTUALLY.), and I genuinely thought I forgot everything tbh because of fixation on coughs Other Matters coughs but talking to Sophia and watching myself slip a bunch of thoughts made me go "ohhhh oh no you're still insane about Fates and Leo specifically... cool cool cool cool-"

Something that'll always come to mind when it comes to Leo is just how much internal conflict the guy must have with feeling like he has to Fit A Specific Function to matter to anyone but also wanting to have someone to talk to - someone who wouldn't put him down for being "weak." And when the "fitting a specific function" is the "reliable one" or the "strong one", then it becomes hard to really allow himself a chance to really allow himself to be vulnerable. He basically creates his own issues this way and it sucks more because I feel like this only gets worse for Birthright!Leo who later becomes king and now the whole country's relying on him. Like how does that play out for a guy with his whole complex exactly?

There was a "work in progress" fic that I had wanted to write that basically was supposed to be a snapshot of his life growing up, following after him and this Need to be Needed, coming from his time with his mom and the way I thought about how she must have raised him and how that plays into who he is today, but I think that fic got shot up in flames due to New Knowledge Acquired That Made Me Want To Stab the Fic With a Knife. normal. real normal snow. Which I will not get into because I actually didn't finish the whole context because I was just eheh~ a littleeee~ mad but that's fine lmao we're fine lolololol we're totally cool 👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼(sobbing on the floor)

He's very fun to write for this reason though. Finding ways to balance out between this internal struggle at a given situation makes him very very attractive to write lol At least I try my best to do so anyhow haha I don't necessarily feel that my writing does him a disservice, but I do feel like it borders between weighing in too much into certain aspects of his character instead of holding the true weight he has, but that's a conflict I'm willing to put up with if it means getting to explore his character a little more in my head lmao

And sorry to track back, but I also think a lot about like. the affection with his family. I think a lot about how in his support with Corrin and Camilla, he expresses how much he wished to have the same attention that Corrin does; he just isn't sure how to do it unless the emotions were bubbling from his mouth and he speaks at a breaking point, to which he'll try to mend it with a "Apologies. That was unlike me. Anyways-" and tries to move onto something else LITERALLY JUST TALK DUDE!!!!!! COMMUNICATE WHAT YOU NEED!!!!!!!!!!

But he doesn't. He doesn't because time's told him that if he voices his own weakness he will get punished for it. It's something that I had contemplated specifically about how he was raised by his mom, and only to find out that that is also something he was raised to believe within the royal family (via the voice drama that I had to actually stop watching because I was just sad). He can't allow himself to be weak because he is always expected to be strong.

And for that reason, the name "Leo" is very fitting for him, I think. There's a really really good fanartist's comic on his name and it definitely contributed to the way I appreciate his naming and temporarily served as inspiration for the way I was going to take the fic, but you know. Didn't go anywhere.

I also just wish he knew he was loved. It's very clear his family loves him, but the way he was raised misconstrues this "love" for "shame". Yes we all tease Leo because he's so strict on himself and it's nice to see him have little flaws here and there. We poke fun at it and all, but how does that feel for Leo who's probably had his flaws shamed most if not all his life? It's the reason why he's so strict on himself after all, and they wonder why it is he's so strict on himself.

Anyways. Long story short, and quite the winding road, I love Leo's character a lot. I kinda forgot how much I did until Sophia and my conversation kinda wandered over to Fates talk and then Leo and I had to sit down and cry for like. Several paragraphs apparently about it

And the thing is, I'm not exactly sure if this is all intentional writing or if I just fixated so hard and made stuff up that this is the version that makes the most sense to me for his character. At the very least, all of this serves as the backbone to the way I write him. And as I said: it's very fun :)

But anyways, TY for the ask

[t-ierrahumeda]

I think my grandpa kinda realized I'm only being civil at him bc today at my aunt's birthday he was being overly affectionate and when I didn't reciprocate he looked sad. Look old man I gave you a loooooot of opportunities but after years of treating my family like shit I'm kinda done. I do feel bad bc I can't but think about how much I loved him (and I still do, I guess) and I feel guilty bc he's old. But I can't forgive the fact he kept giving my uncle tons of money (that the mf never returned) and still boasts that he paid rent for us ONCE when my mom had no job and we were very little. It adds up.

[guess-my-next-obsession]

i'm a little (A LOT) late to this, but i still wanna wish you a HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABY!!!!! i wish you get all the experiences you crave this year and all the creative energy to do the things you love the most! i hope it's the most magical one yet! 💜 also, i've seen your reblog so now the interrogation starts. i hope you're prepared. the overhead lamp is on, as well, just so you know. we're all professionals here. no messing around. my questions for you, dear kat, are: 1) what is your most favourite thing that you've ever written? 2) if you could live in one of the worlds you have created in your beautiful writing, what world would you choose? 3) what inspires you to write? 4) do you have a comfort song? or a movie? what about a painting? 5) how does it feel to be ridiculously talented and incredibly kind and such a cutie?

first off—I LOVE YOU. 🫶🏼

now onto the interrogation! and i’m glad we’re being professionals about this, detective. everyone knows how strictly business i am …

1) my favorite thing i’ve ever written is probably Ivy & Stone or my current WIP Starlight !! both, at least in my opinion, are the only series that i’ve walked away feeling 100% proud of. i think they show the most of me in them, and it’s the best writing i’ve ever done (and i lose sleep over whether or not it’s good enough to try and publish)

2) i love this question !!!! okay so ideally i’d live in a happy little warm domestic bubble with Elementary!Joel, but in reality i’m too dark and twisty for all that so maybe Starlight as long as i have some sick ass magic?? maybe Plastic Hearts as long dieter and i don’t destroy each other entirely?? maybe Ivy & Stone as long as i don’t get typhoid fever staying cramped up in frankie’s cottage??

3) all the little characters and scenes and my endless stream of thought and my need for escapism!! if i didn’t write, i think i’d actually plunge into insanity 🥰 but inspo wise, music does a lot for me! i’ve always deeply associated music and my writing, and there’s always a couple easter eggs thrown in courtesy of whatever playlist i’ve made for the story.

4) i have all three! my comfort movie’s vary but the rotation is usually the Twilight saga, anything with Paul Newman in it, and Stepbrothers for the nostalgia. my comfort songs are seven by Taylor Swift bc ✨ trauma and girlhood ✨, You’ve Got to Learn by Nina Simone because HEARTBREAK, and He Stopped Loving Her Today by George Jones because (sad warning) it always reminds me of my mom and i like to play it when the grief hits me because it makes it feel like i’m five again sitting on her lap. and my comfort painting is always always always Monet’s Water Lillies and i’ve never known why, seeing it just feels like a warm hug.

5) the imposter syndrome/self-deprecation is SCREAMING right now but thank you, i adore you, i am glad to exist here in this space with you, and believe deeply in my core that everything you believe i am you are that multiplied by infinity.

thank you for this message, thank you for existing, I LOVE U I LOVE U I LOVE UUUUU 🤍🤍🤍

[daz4i]

ok now i'm gonna be emotional under the cut probably (mentions of suicide but it's not negative. just verbalizing thoughts i had throughout today 🤔)

so many ppl sent me messages today, many in my family sent me direct ones which is rare too - most of them just send it in the groupchats - so they put in the extra effort to make it more personal and less like they're just going with everyone else

and like right on midnight i immediately got beautiful messages from 3 of my besties, and ofc lots of birthdays wishes from mutuals and friends on a discord sever, so many people putting in effort and so fast too. my niece and nephew made drawings especially for me and my niece insisted on cutting paper in half so she could draw even more things and they made me a goodie bag with little gifts and such too. like even the kids put in a lot of effort

but what really gets me is multiple people telling me they're glad i'm alive and they hope to celebrate more birthdays with me, and people in my family wishing for me to have a better future specifically, and people saying they love me and-

it feels very surreal. dgmw i am very touched. as a person who, well, is not the biggest fan of life, and very much did not plan to get to the age of 25, it feels. weird.

birthdays are always a hard time because of that ajdkflglh ever since i was a teen really, i always become even more suicidal on the days leading up to it, like some sense of "i won't reach [age]. i can't. i shouldn't" and as you can tell it did not go further than that lol. i think i end up crying or having a major breakdown p much on every birthday, up until maybe the last 2 (as in, 24 and 25) bc it always feels like i lost, failed in achieving my ultimate goal

and. i guess. seeing this much love, that i didn't expect but i know is there even when it's not verbally expressed. makes it feel less like losing? i can't name what it does feel like - i'm not well versed in positive emotions lol - but it's not negative that's for sure. except maybe it starts being distressing bc i don't understand it :P but that's a me issue hehe.

and. i don't want to live for other people. i have gone past the point of "mom would be sad" years ago. which i think is why it feels so weird. bc it does feel nice, to know people are happy that i'm alive, and that they genuinely want me to be happy, even when i don't

even when I'm thinking "god i'm already this old and haven't achieved anything in my entire life". these people don't care about that. that's why they wish for a better future. what i achieved, to them, is being a kind person i think

idk how to finish this ajdkflg like i said i'm just putting thoughts in words. and crying bc now my bday is over so i can do it without feeling like i failed at some unspoken goal. i always say i'm not good at love, and that goes for being loved too, i feel like a deer in the headlights lol 😭 but it's okay. idk if i'll ever get used to it or learn how to actually accept it rather than just pretend i do, but maybe i don't need to know?

[aajjks]

BC!JK

great, now you feel awful.

you definitely guilt tripped eunwoo into keeping milo and that isn’t right. you let out a sigh and put the cat down.

you’re acting really childish right now and you know that but why can’t he just understand that this breakup makes no sense! you’ve always been cheering him on by his side and now you have to cheer him on from afar, which hurts but maybe it really is for the best. you have to let him go which includes milo too.

“you know what” you say “you can keep milo. i’m being really childish right now” you look down at your feet where milo is and watch the cat strut to his father.

“i apologize eunwoo and you can have this too” you take the apartment key off of your keychain and hand it to him but before you leave, you give your ex one last hug. you’re soaking it all in, his scent, his warmth, everything. because this will be the last time you’ll be this close to him until next time.

his arms wrap secretly around your waist and holds you close, it feels so sweet and familiar. like the crybaby you are, tears fall from your eyes and when you pull away it takes everything in you to not kiss his lips but you know better.

“goodbye eunwoo” is the last thing you say to him before shutting the door behind you with your car keys in hand. when you come downstairs, you see danielle still waiting in her car but she immediately gets out when she sees your teary face.

“bring it in, love” she says as she pulls you in for a hug and lets you cry in her shoulders.

“i love him so much” you cry.

“i know but guess what? now you get to move on and live YOUR life with no attachments. you’re going to be happy and maybe you’ll find a man who will love you the way you want to be loved but you have to heal first”

danielle is right. first, you need to heal and learn to love yourself all over again. starting today, you’re going to move on and make room for the new memories that will be filled with a happy, single, and ambitious you.

“thanks danielle” you sniffle before wiping your tears on your cardigan sleeve and wearing a sad smile on your face.

you unlock your car and head back to the school but not before getting a quick bite to eat with danielle for lunch.

seems like today is a good day after all.

⏭️⏭️

you can’t believe jungkook really gave you a key to his house. you feel like you’re breaking in and entering without permission because you literally don’t own this house.

“jungkook?” you call his name yet he doesn’t answer which is strange considering his car is outside or maybe he has more than one car? you set your keys on his kitchen countertop and browse around his house until he comes home from work.

“aw” is that a picture of jungkook holding a fish? yes it is. there’s even another picture of baby koo with what seems to be his mother holding and kissing his cheek.

‘happy birthday, son!’ is engraved at the bottom of the picture frame with a collage of photos from what seems to be jungkook’s family and childhood.

“from mom. wow, he looks just like her” you tilt your head as you stare at a picture of his mother and father together. before you can browse more, you hear the door opening and shutting and you immediately rush to jungkook to tell him all about your day and hear about his.

“hey jungkook! how was your day at work? fun? boring? exhausting? c’mon, give me the details!”

Oh his angels home.

Jungkook wants nothing more than to just melt in your arms and hug you like his life depends on it, he had a very good day. It was a little scary at first, but… then he did it… he really impressed his father this time.

And it’s all because you came into his life, like the lucky charm that you are. So Jungkook doesn’t waste a single moment before he’s pulling you into a tight hug, he settles his chin on your shoulder, and he just sighs deeply into your embrace

“Yn my dad loved my presentation!!!! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT? HE LOVED IT.- and they all might go ahead with my idea for our next product! THIS IS HUGE.” He is so excited that he starts to twirl you around, it’s easy for him to lift you are taken aback but he can’t help it.

And that is a huge deal for him, and he said you realize that because his dad is not an easy man to impress.. even as his own son it’s hard for Jungkook to make him satisfied. And after a long time, he’s finally starting to appreciate his efforts.

You gasp loudly and Jungkook just giggles like a toddler, “s-sorry I guess I got a little excited… hehe…” he hurriedly puts you down back on the ground, “yn sorry..” he scratches the back of his head. He got a little too carried away this time.

“Tell me my angel, what’s up with you? Did you have a good day?” You both are still standing near the gate… and it warms his heart a lot that you asked him about his date. It felt so domestic….

You’re the perfect one for him, and you make him realize that every single second that he has started to spend with you.

He will never let you go

“And whose car is that I thought we had a guest over?”

[libra-stellium]

TW: body image issues, weight

Saturn went direct in my 1H and the saturn return said “And we’re back this is news tonight on channel 7 and we’re talking and spiraling about body image issues that you haven’t thought about in the last 4.5 months”

This started last night for me while I was sorting through clothes. I’ve finally found the energy to go through all my clothes I’ve been hoarding for the last 10 years and make bags to donate. Las night I was going through clothes from 2013/14 so my freshmen year of college and it makes me so sad to see how small the clothes were!!! Not in a I’m sad I’m not that size anymore way but in a I can’t believe this version of me was constantly fat shamed by my family!!

Most of the clothes were Small and medium and from the 2010s when the sizing was way smaller than what a small and medium are today and I was walking around feeling like I belonged on my 600lb life. Baffles my mind! I used to suck in my stomach so much I would be in bed relaxing and I would suck it in 💀 and I heard my mother’s voice every time!

To quickly explain my mother I remember my 8th birthday party she put on these floral leggings that stopped right below her knee and they were kind of tight at the waist but she wore a big white flowy linen shirt so you couldn’t tell and then spent the night bragging about how she can fit into my pants when I was 3 years old and I can’t anymore 🙃

I’m pretty sure this is where my clothing hoarding came from bc whenever things don’t fit anymore I just hide it like it goes into a suitcase or on a hanger in the back of the closet or in a drawer I never open because no way am I going to give these clothes to anyone in my family that’s smaller than me bc that’s what they say when they get a hold of them!

I’m literally 28 years old and my 61 year old aunt somehow still had one of my shirts from when I was 15?? And she put it on and is like can you believe it fits me??? It didn’t fit her….that’s the delusion I deal with in my family bc the shirt is the type that was very loose and see through but it had a cami attached on the inside and it’s my shirt so I know how it’s supposed to look and how it used to fit me. My aunt was standing in front of me with the shirt tight and almost crop top length with another cami she added underneath telling me look your high school shirt fits me! 🤡

And I know they have their own body image issues honestly probably worst than mine but I get so upset when they talk to me like they pity me for being fat 😒 and their go to reason for why they are constantly body shaming me is bc they care soooo much about my health and don’t want me to get sick and here I am…..fat with no fat related health issues…and the look on my aunt’s face when I told her that my blood work came back normal it’s like she didn’t believe me 💀💀

But my issue is that things like eating healthy and working out are associated with them treating me like shit so how do I get over that?? Whenever I do any of it I do it in hiding bc whenever they find out it’s like “oh FINALLY you’re taking your health seriously to lose the weight!!” And immediately I’m turned off and I never do it again bc why tf would I do something to make YOU happy and validated in your fat shaming ?? You know what I mean?? 😩

For example I got a walking pad to put under my desk bc I work from home every day and I used to commute to work and school before 2020 and I was on the train and the bus every day so I wanted to have it to add some movement to my day but not to lose weight just to move. I literally would hide it in my closet whenever my mom or aunt would come over and it worked for months and one day I forgot and they saw it and immediately it was like “oh my god!! You’ve been working out to lose the weight I’m so proud of you!! I can see that it is working!!”……….I was literally the same exact weight…and I didn’t get back on the walking pad for monthsssssss and I’m using it now for 10 min in the morning but I haven’t been able to get myself to walk on it during the work day again bc I can’t stop thinking about the fact that they would be happy with this choice 🤮🤮🤮

Same with food like I eat regular food so meat rice beans veggies soups pasta sandwiches idk I don’t have allergies and I’m not a picky eater but whenever I would eat something “healthy” like a salad around them it’s like “oh wow you’re finally dieting??” But also if I ate something “unhealthy” like a burger it’s “every day all you eat is burgers burgers you need to watch what you eat you don’t see your arms???” And it’s like ???? So now most of what I eat I don’t tell them so unless we’re eating the same exact thing they don’t know what I eat on the daily.

And I was watching this TikTok and this girl was realizing in the moment where her ED stemmed from and it was from hiding Halloween candy and other foods and I’m like this is similar to me!

So logically I know like to get over it I just have to tell myself that I’m doing it for me and not for them but that doesn’t feel like it’s enough. If I could freeze the way I look right now in their minds and that’s how they see me forever and my body can change however it wants without them knowing I feel like that would be ideal…….mmmmm lol do I have to go no contact with my whole family? 🤣🤣🤣 bc I did go no contact with my mom bc she’s a narcissist. And I gave my aunt as an example bc she’s the most recent example of this but other women in my family are just like that too! Or do I just have to defend myself for the rest of my life??

Defending myself now is easy because I tell them that I love my body and sorry I don’t hate myself like they do 😂 but if I were to lose weight I would still be fighting them if they congratulated me on it bc how dare you!!!

Ugh omg I feel like this is so backwards! Bc I did have a body weight that I was happy with in like 2018 and I wasn’t skinny then but I really loved how my body looked and I don’t think it would be hard to get back to it but whenever I start I just get upset and quit 😩

This is self sabotage 🙂 how do I stop it lol do I gaslight them and if they comment on my body I’m like “what are you talking about??? I looked the same last month….” 😂 I’m jk but like 👀👀

[jeonggukrimmer333]

My childhood friend had passed away in january, right? So I was given a picture that she painted of me and i have another picture she drew for me for christmas and a couple of other things. But I also have a scrunchie that she gave me when we went to the bar together for the first time for her birthday last year. And we were all happy and having fun.

So this scrunchie means a lot to me. I take it everywhere with me so she could always be there with me.

Recently I had lost it, and I looked everywhere for it and I concluded that it was at my moms house. Now, I know that she would never throw it away bc I think I mentioned that this scrunchie was my friends so I don’t address it until yesterday. I asked her ‘Did you see my scrunchie?’ She said ‘yes, but I threw it away, i’ll buy you another one.’

I was devastated and I walked out. When I got home i cried myself to sleep.

Now my grandma today just told me that I shouldn’t be mad at her and it wasn’t like she did it on purpose. I explained that I wasn’t and that i was more sad than anything. She then said that I shouldn’t got upset and that she wouldn’t have been upset. She said and I quote. ‘Just think of how your mom feels?’

I get that my grandma cares for her daughter but it was like she just completely disregarded my feelings for my moms. So knowing that this conversation was going nowhere I started to walk back into my room and she said ‘go on, be mad and slam the door like you always do.’

But I didn’t because i wasn’t mad.

—

After thinking about it, now I’m wondering if I was being overly sensitive about the whole situation

[lawscorazon]

this is so unprofessional but i just need to vent real quick

i hate that my birthday is so early in the school year cause when i transferred i was already worried abt not making any friends but i was even moreso worried abt not having anyone to celebrate my birthday with. all my irl friendships are basically e-friendships because they live so far and now im the only one who’s still in college so our schedules don’t line up anymore and im just really bummed. i grew up with a family that prioritized birthdays like every year you have dinner with family type shit and you can have a birthday party for friends on another weekend. but my mom is gonna be out of town so she cant come in for my birthday and i wouldn’t even expect it from my dad. i was excited to maybe spend it with my best friend bc now i go to school abt an hour from where she lives but she’s yet to mention that or anything about halloween which is my fav holiday that im not even excited for which is sad but thats a whole other situation. and today is her birthday so i called her at midnight like i always do because its tradition but she kinda rushed me off the phone cause she was with her new boyfriend and her family which i get cause she doesn’t get to see them often but it just made me sad. i feel so alone here, but im trying to think about what i still have (shout out jimbei) cause i have two friends ive made her that care about it, but i miss when my birthday was a big thing. and i dont have any money to do anything for my birthday i dont even think i’ll be able to get a new dress and im trying not to mention it to my mom cause i dont want her to feel bad but im just really bummed. all i wanted for my birthday was a red velvet cake and to be surrounded by people who love me and i feel like i’ll have neither. birthdays are really special to me cause its literally the day you were born and its like if no one celebrates your birthday no one is happy that you’re alive. i just want to feel like someone is happy that im alive and that i matter. 

if you read all this you’re a saint. i hope you find a million dollars on the ground today.

[user-not-registered]

dear blog

wish i had written this before but last night i fell asleep, my apologies...

anyways, yesterday was love's birthday and we only saw each other at school bc my dad wouldn't let me spend the rest of the day with him :/ i mean this whole relationship thing is still a little (very) complicated. my mom felt bad because she noticed that i got sad and also asked if he got sad too.

despite everything, it was a rlly fun day. our classmates sang happy birthday to him and i couldn't stop laughing bc he was so cute and embarrassed HAHAHA. we also played coup and he won three times in a row, damn happy birthday spirit!

plus i still haven't given him a gift, which makes me feel a little bad, especially bc lately he's been gifting me a lot, but ive alr thought about everything i want to give him… as soon as i can i'll buy, promise.

we left school holding hands n i gave him a little kiss on the mouth… i was so full of joy that i bumped into a girl by accident. fe got a watch from his mother, and he went to a barbecue w his father. and today he's going out w some friends. hope he has fun.

ttyl, amanda