#ff shitpost

[matoyaa]

[diadoesart]

Trying to remember how to draw after a week of being seriously sick with some shitposts

[futileflimflam]

[exploringcastleoblivion]

You step into an elevator. As the doors shut and it starts moving, you hear a voice from the speakers saying:

“Tell me, for whom do you fight?”

[kangturu07]

SQQ's personal professional fan-founder, Liu Qingge!!

It made my heart flutter when I know it's CANON that the book kinda give a statement that it's Liu Qingge who ALWAYS found Shen Qingqiu's fan no matter what. My weak heart can't handle it ┌(˵༎ຶ ل͟ ༎ຶ˵)┐

[jtl-fics]

Fluent Freshman - Part 05

PREVIOUS

It might be objectively funnier if no one knows Fluent Freshman’s first name (even me because there’s some funny ideas but nothing as funny as “UNKNOWN” Smith) aside from Wymack.

Even the announcers just refer to him by his last name (maybe his first name is very foreign and hard to pronounce, maybe that’s why he got into foreign languages, maybe it’s so bland that the announcers just can’t his full name without yawning, maybe it’s just that someone else on the Foxes has the same first name so there’d be confusion, who knows) This only occasionally creates confusion because the Terrapins and the Ravens both have someone with the same last name as him.

Either way after one-two hit confidence crushing combo of the CVS girl knowing he has tummy trouble and the conversation with Neil where Neil asks about his stomach ulcers FF utilizes all of his years of learned behavior to fully fade into the background. Wallflower? No man I’m Wallpaper you cannot see me.” This has unintended consequences.

1. He has become undetectable which means that he is now, once again, hearing all sorts of relationship talk but now it’s not just between Captain Neil and Andrew Minyard and their surprisingly soft private life.

He is subjected to Nicky gushing to Erik in German. He has to listen to Kevin talk to someone named Jean in French (he only finds out later that they’re NOT dating but it sounds like date talk...though most of his experience is listening to Captain Neil and Andrew Minyard loving say they hate one another so maybe he has a bad pool of knowledge.) Matt, Aaron, Jack, and some of his other freshman players all speak in English but CHRIST he wishes it was in any language he doesn’t know. (If he hears Jack say ‘Yeah sure whatever Babe.’ one more time HE’S going to slap the asshole for being so dismissive to his girlfriend.)

2. He has become objectively better at being a defensive dealer because other teams just kind of don’t notice him and pass right to him. Kevin wants to study him on what about him makes him so adept at causing unforced errors in objectively better players. Fluent Freshman, having been yelled at by Kevin more than once, takes the moment Kevin’s eyes are diverted by Captain Neil saying something and just slides out of his seat into a different seat (Middle of the bus. The least noticeable section) and puts up his hoodie and pretends to sleep. (he does not. what if he drools? It’s already hard enough getting sleep in a room with two roomies. He got to campus earliest so that he could claim a top bunk so no one could see him even if heights make him nervous.)

3. Since he has become undetectable that means that Andrew Minyard and Captain Neil have a hard time detecting him. So he has not had to endure their silent judging company. He is sure that Andrew is waiting for him to slip and he’s also sure that Captain Neil thinks he’s stupid. No other freshman gets as much homework help from the Captain as he does. Still, he doesn’t have to sit in the silent knowledge that they both dislike him enough that they want him to know it. HIs ulcers are starting to get better and the girl at the CVS (He’d have to have a whole conversation to change where his prescription is filled and he’d rather die) didn’t even recognize him when he came in for a refill on his prescription or note that he was buying pepto bismol again.

HOWEVER

This means that Neil has come back with slumped shoulders and uneaten snacks the last five times he’s gone for his usual hangout. They are never planned hangouts it’s just that FF is always in the same 3 locations because there are only so many spots on campus where your back is completely secured and that weren’t so intimidating to go into (The library is terrifying. What if he sneezes???) and for the last two weeks Andrew has been unable to find FF outside of practice either.

(It has to be stated that FF is in the EXACT same spots as before but he is in stealth mode and therefore only visible if you are a mantis shrimp.)

Andrew Minyard does NOT like this. FF is THE singular tolerable teammate. Andrew likes the decompression time  he gets when him and FF sit in quiet and do their own things. FF never asks for his attention but occasionally offers him good german literature recommendations for every stage of literacy ever since Andrew had mentioned wanting to get better at the written language so he wouldn’t have to rely on Neil or Nicky when the Monsters vacationed there next summer. He doesn’t call people friend easily but FF is a friend.

So it’s incredibly irritating that for the last two weeks he’s been completely unable to grab that friend and ask what the hell is going on. The Foxes have histories and it wouldn’t be the first time a Freshman’s past caught up with them or that one of them had something set them back into old survival habits. It’d happened with Matt, it’d happened with Aaron and Andrew, it for SURE happened with Neil, Sheena’s coping mechanisms had been the bane of Andrew’s existence the year before, some of the other freshman had setbacks this year and a few players over the years have had to leave due to the very circumstances that gave them a home with the Foxes. Andrew had never really cared as long as his people were fine.

It’s just that Andrew actually kind of cares about this Freshman, he considers him as someone who could be one of his people.

Which is why Andrew will keep stalking the campus around FF’s preferred haunts until he grabs him.

Andrew catches him outside of stealth mode (He had been using a urinal that is NOT where you don’t want people to notice you) and grabs him by the scruff. “We’re taking a drive.” he says and FF just sort of goes limp and lets himself be dragged off.

He hopes that he can write his grandma a letter telling her how much her love and care over the years meant to him before Andrew kills him. He’d even take if Andrew would only let him write it in his own blood.

NEXT

Per your requests:

@i-have-three-feelings, @blep-23

[actual-haise]

[leopardom]

pov: you’re invited to the jo household but don’t know what to wear because two of its inhabitants are dressed like that at the same time

[artforinfinity]

Some Stone Oceans

I spent too long on the second one so I am not shading that rn 😎

Reblogs appreciated <3

[matoyaa]

i like y’shtola a normal amount

[steelthroat]

I have the OC, but I have a problem... how do I turn this:

Into this:

How do toy designers come up with this stuff anyway??????

[diadoesart]

I humbly offer my ideas on how the Pictomancer LB3 might flashbang the Alliance raid in Dawntrail (Bonus blank one so you can make your own, but please tag me if you do I'd love to see them)

[clonelovr]

Did the Bad Batch creators know they would be dropping the most succulent thirst trap of the century with this show?? Was this intentional???? I swear to god this show was engineered to make me sweat.

[ego-meliorem-esse]

I want to kiss Arthur’s shoe <3333

God, i got good news for you then Fred Durst! One time offer!

[jtl-fics]

Fluent Freshman - Part 08

PREVIOUS

FF knows that it might be possible to get a new flight and that the excuse of “Oh I found a flight so I could go spend the holiday with my Gran” would probably be unassailable even tot he great unknown of Andrew Minyard’s displeasure (FF has not yet figured out when the pin will drop and Andrew will come at him. The man is a stone wall but FF knows that Andrew doesn’t like him and that knowledge is confirmed every time Andrew and Captain Neil come into Nicky’s dorm and find FF there hanging out with Nicky and he sees both Andrew and Captain Neil frown at him.)

It’s just that it takes 7-10 business days for him to build up the nerve to have to call someone and deal with customer service and it would take more bravery than he currently has to press forward and actually get a flight that would WORK. He has a very limited window for when he can get to Washington. HIs Gran had called a friend to borrow a car to pick him up and that was only available during a 6 hour window on his arrival date.

He COULD get a taxi to his Gran’s house but… (“What if I get kidnapped, what if I get trafficked, how do I tell a normal taxi from a taxi that will take me to a place where I’ll wake up in an ice bath and down a kidney, what if the taxi driver doesn’t like me, what if the taxi driver wants to talk, I don’t have anything interesting to say! What if he says mean things about me in his native language on the phone and I have to pretend that I don’t know what he’s SAYING?)… he’d probably die during the hour long ride from the anxiety.

He tells his Gran and she promises to get a pie out to him A.S.A.P.

It almost makes him feel better until he remembers what he had agreed to when Andrew came at him at his WEAKEST MOMENT to get him to agree to spend an entire four days at the house in Columbia he has HEARD stories about.

FF, laying face down on the floor in Nicky’s dorm as Nicky pats his back: Nicky next time you see me about to agree to something that will result in me getting killed I NEED you to run up and just punch me in the jaw. I’m begging you. You know I’m a disaster.

Nicky thinking about how Andrew has gotten weirdly protective of FF since the whole step brother incident: I need you to understand that that will result in ME being killed which I am not a big fan of.

FF misunderstanding: My grandma’s not THAT strong Nicky. At most grandmothers from across the country will frown disapprovingly at you.

Nicky thinking about all the little old ladies who dote on FF for inexplicable reasons and how some of them know he’s FF’s friend and give Nicky the grandma experience he had lacked growing up: Somehow that’s even worse than what I was thinking :(

***

Nicky coming to check on FF hours later: Are…are you watching the Saw movies?

FF taking copious notes: I need to prepare myself to survive Columbia. Do you have a basement or will Andrew be moving me to a secondary location?

Nicky walking over and shutting off the TV: I think it’s time to go to bed champ.

FF: If I don’t sleep then Andrew can’t drag me to a secondary location. I bought a 20 pack of five hour energy because that is the most the CVS would sell me.

Nicky: They cut you off??

FF: Yeah the manager there said he’d sell it as a ‘favor’ to a ‘loyal customer’ but to destroy my receipt and I had to buy in cash in case I die from a heart attack so it’s not linked to them. So if I play my cards right I have around 4 days of energy right here. I have looked up all the foods that can make you sleepy and will be avoiding them to stack the deck.

Nicky guiding FF towards his bedroom: Y’know that includes turkey. Also those five hour energy shots will be murder on your tummy. :(

FF: I am willing to make some sacrifices so I can live to see 19 Nicky. Also I figure I can just drink an entire bottle of Pepto per bottle of five hour energy resulting in a net neutral situation in my stomach.

Nicky tucking FF into bed carefully: Or result in you going to the hospital for an overdose get some sleep Smith. Andrew is not planning on killing you.

FF already falling asleep because his stress energy is running out: You have no idea how much he dislikes me and how much pepto my body can handle but you’re right about going to sleep. I’ll need my strength to power through the reverse bear trap let alone a laser collar.

***

2 of Grandma Smith’s apple pies arrive in the early afternoon of Thanksgiving via a little old lady turning up at Abby’s house who is a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend of Grandma Smith. The Foxes take a moment to marvel that somehow it is still warm despite apparently having been Granny expressed across the country despite the storm.

The delivering old lady pinches FF’s cheek and says not to be too disheartened and that his Grandma loves him and will see him for Christmas Break for SURE. She hands him a little note his Gran sent with the pies and he pointedly does not read it there.

This would make FF happy if he hadn’t been swearing up down left and right that he didn’t TALK to his grandma to Andrew whose eyes he can FEEL on him.

He manages a “THANKS.” In a perfectly normal tone. He has no memory that he already told Andrew and Captain Neil that he was spending the holiday with his grandma since he had blue screened at the offer last time and had rebooted in safe mode to power walk away from the situation.

“Your grandma is really nice.” Captain Neil says. “Those pies look good.”

FF, his anxiety momentarily overridden by a soul-deep love for his grandma, “My gran is the BEST and so are her pies.” And then he hears what he has said and walks back into Abby’s house to set out one pie for everyone else and goes and stress eats the second one on the living room couch after he promised Abby he’d clean up any mess.

He wonders if he’ll make it to Christmas Break as he sees Kevin Day staring at him in abject horror while Andrew stares straight at him.

Even with the attention on him he decides to check the note the other granny had given him from his Gran. It is in her native polish so he feels his shoulders relax since no one would be able to read it.

‘For my little Chicken, this isn’t your last meal like you texted me. I know you will be fine. I am thankful for you in my life every day.’

He tucks the note in his pocket and feels a little better.

NEXT

Per your requests:

@i-have-three-feelings @blep-23 @dreamerking27 @andreilsmyreligion @belodensetdust @rainbowpineapplebottle @yarn-ace @iwouldlikesometea @lily-s-world @obscureshipsandchips @booklover242 @whataboutmyfries @sahturnos

[shitpostingfromthebarricade]

Why do you hate Alexander Hamilton so much? The guy lived and died before you were even born dude. He isn’t going to come alive and bite you XD

No, his actions just persist in the policies that my home nation was founded upon.