#figured out theres some kind of translation thing i need to get and maybe? this one place is where?

[fedoranon]

Good news! Waiting a bit on ToTK has worked, I am now able to play the game without being vaguely disappointed by it!

Bad news! I've been listening to a Kingdom Hearts recap podcast and Command Board Command Board Command Board Command Board Command Board Command Board

[changbinsboobs]

How are SKZ when they have a crush?

🎍For this reading i used the 3rd Eye Tarot Deck🎍

*The content of this post is for entertainment purposes only!

Chan - 6 of Cups

He gets into daddy mode. He gets protective over his crush, but not in a possessive sense but rather he wants to provide for them and show them and even more, show himself, that he is a reliable partner. I believe this is a quality he admires and once crushing on someone he tries to embody it as much as possible, not so much to impress his crush, but to prove to himself that he is worthy. As we all probably know he has self worth issues and this is kind of his defence mechanism that keeps him from self sabotage. This is actually a good thing as i feel like this is a non-toxic defence, that really fulfills its purpose, leading him to not habe much problems in dating, at least when it comes to the initial stages. He views himself as a parent or provider figure and tries to teach his crush new things, care for their needs like buying them food, or taking them places they always wanted to go, having an open, enthusiastic ear for what his crushes interest or venting etc. If he can do those things he feels fulfilled and comfortable with having a crush.

Lee Know - 3 of Cups, Queen of Swords

I see him being kinda stern and not letting on that he has a crush. Or maybe not entertaining his thoughts about it unless he decides to. Regardless of that, i believe his friends and close ones know, maybe even before he does. I believe his crush-having-state has a lot to do with his friends, like this side of him is mostly being fueled and kept alive through his friendships. For example he goes out and his friends start talking about their crushes and then ask him. Even if he doesn't give a confirmative answer they snuff the tea out and shoot him with questions until they take whatever information they want of him out😂. He doesn't seem to mind tho. Except for when theres drinking involved. Im getting the feeling that they might've been an accident when he spilled tooo much when drunk, and word somehow got out or someone wasn't careful and that has brought him some headaches in the past.

Changbin - 4 of Wands, 3 of Wands

He's excited and calculative. If he's given over to the crush then he spends a lot of time in thoughts and preparation or daydreaming. I feel like as soon as he gets a crush he gets this intense need to confess. It bubbles up inside him and he just can't hold it in and has to let that person know. There's much else that comes with that (limiting beliefs, fear etc), but thats another reading for another time😅 That said i don't think he actually takes the action he thinks about and plans. Thats just all what he does - daydreaming about it. Creating beautiful, exciting, goosebumps inducing scenarios all day long and he feeds himself that, in replacement of the rush he actually craves from that person. He feels like someone with unclenchable thrust and at the same time someone that has an infinite fountain, but the tragic thing is, he can't drink from his own fountain. Theres a feeling of chronic sadness, even if the cards are actually very bright and uplifting. I notice that with his energy, its always kinda dark and stern and serious and it feels very deep and kinda scary, i believe it is like that for him too, he doesn't know his own depths and is afraid of them and that translates to a lot of areas in his life.

Hyunjin - 4 of Cups

He can't set his heart on a decision. Its like he cant decide if he has a crush or not. I feel like he mixes his brain and his heart up a lot and theres this insecurity when it comes to matters that involve the heart, as its so prevalent that even if he wants to use his head, his heart gets in the way and he doesn't really know what to listen to and trust. I believe this leads to inaction or in mixed signals as he cant really find a balance or pick a path he wants to follow in pursuing or not pursuing a certain person. He pours lots of energy into such situations and often it leads him in exhausting himself significantly before there even is any connection between him and his crush. I believe this tendency of his might lead to bitterness regarding love and even maybe regarding his crushes, as after a while he blames them for not being "perfect enough" for him to set his mind. Its like "if you were this and that, i wouldn't have doubts and we could be together. Why cant you be like that?!" And then he gets mad for no reason, which shows up in his behavior, which provokes a reaction or change of mind in the other person too, which leads to Hyunjin having his thoughts confirmed, even if it doesn't really reflect the reality of the situation, because he is kinda blind to his own thoughts and behavior.

Han - Ace of Pentacles, The Moon

He has 2 moods that keep switching each other. One's super optimistic where he thinks he can do anything, he can get that person, its easy, and its doable, he just has to try, yada yada yada. And then the other one is super depressed and pessimistic and he feels like no matter what he does he can never reach that person, they are out of his league, they can never like him, he can never keep a relationship, he can never be good enough for love and relationships, etc. Then he sinks in his thoughts and get pretty isolated for a while. Then when the isolation becomes too much he decides to show his nose out the door and slowly regains his confidence and gets this manic-like phase where he believes he can do anything and gets over excited.

Felix - Ace of Wands, 4 of Pentacles, Queen of Pentacles

He'a a bit of a hidden lemon🌝 its very weird because theres no malicious intention behind it but theres lot of...masking? Theres lots of raging sexual energy and possesivness, i keep hearing "my ...(their name)" or "they're mine", without actually having any ground on making such assumptions. But its not malicious or of ill intent. Its giving me a bit of child vibes. Its lime a little kid, in the body (and needs) of an adult is having a crush on another adult. And again theres this raging sexual energy, im seeing a young wild horse running around with his mane being waved by the wind😂 anyways he masks all that with a pretty chill demeanor, not letting on his borderline obsessive inner feelings & thoughts. He may offer his help for a lot of things so he can be close to the person, and once again that child energy - its like sometimes he overdoes it and kind of suffocates the person or offers help for ridiculous things, like helping his crush brush his teeth or something of that sort. This might weird some people out, but he kinda has a very high bar of what he can get away with because he has such unthreatening energy.

Seungmin - 9 of Swords

Im pretty surprised with that but i think he gets plagued with lots of worries for some reason. Maybe stuff that he thinks he has time for in terms of success, stability, time etc. but he realizes that he doesn't have as much as he thought, or enough for so and so. For example, he gets a crush, everything is nice and dandy and then BAM! he starts thinking about a potential future with that person and he realizes his current situation isn't ideal for building a serious relationship. He starts thinking about a house, a family, if he'll have enough time for her/them, about their parents, his job, his fans, the group and what not, and this kind of takes away the joy of the rush a crush gives. Another think im picking up on is that this current energy im reading might be heavily influenced by some recent situation that has caused him those worries and it kind of translates into this specific reading as well. So maybe if i had done it a year ago, or a year later the answer would have been completely different (because the influence of the event wouldn't be a factor.)

I.N - Knight of Swords, King of Cups, Page of Cups

He's a straight to the point guy😂 i really enjoy reading for him cuz the energy shocks me every time. Struggles of the heart are something unknown to him. Maybe thats why Hyunjin seems to like him so much - it balances him out. Anyways, back on track! He knows when he likes someone, he's fine with it and he relatively quickly decides what to do and takes action, probably because his process is almost always the same. He would approach the person pretty quickly without taking it all much to heart. He seems very confident in himself, his feelings and his decisions when it comes to love and dating. Despite that i think he's someone that does enjoy to think about his crush and involves them often in his daily activities, meaning - he goes to a cafe and while looking at the menu he thinks about what his crush would enjoy drinking.

[vegalocity]

What would happen if Syntax actually did get cured of the venom? Would he still want to hang around Huntsman and Goliath or would he Think 'huh. Maybe having the people who KIDNAPPED ME around me and my family Probably isn't the best idea.' - Pixel Anon

Uhhhhhhhhhhh yeah I think the answer is Not Good Things Will Happen. I think the answer is ‘Y’all are down an integral clan member hope you didn’t have any plans that hinged on technology or science in general right now.’

Honestly I think you don’t even need to throw Minyi and Xiuying into that equation to make that the answer. Even if you assume Syntax was essentially just alone in the world before spiderfication if he got the spider limbs pulled off and the venom drained from his system, no matter WHAT his Backstory is i think he’d just book it, he’d be OUTTA THERE he is GONE. He’s running before the purple has fully faded from his skin.

And when you THROW IN the ladies, then… well even more so. He’s got Minyi in one arm, a duffel bag in the other and loading into the gd car headed for Xiuying’s cabin to lay low for awhile.

(this gets long so it's under the cut)

Like, most people like to assume that there was a sort of… adjustment period when he had just been spiderfied, usually the flavor of ‘someone (usually Huntsman) reminding him of how he is at his base a human, not a spider, not one of them, and the second he stops being useful is the second he’s only good for how he’ll taste’ and even if he wasn’t afraid of whoever it was in the moment, confident in his ability to manuver extra limbs that aren’t there anymore and speed that wasn’t there either, all the physical additions that being a Spider Demon had are suddenly gone and that threat about being the next meal for the clan suddenly feels a lot more real. Even IF the others had actually grown attached to him and Minyi and even Xiuying, the fact of the matter is if these people decided to kill them all he wouldn’t be able to do anything about it.

Something I could see having kind of a ‘disney channel cartoon’ resolution in this setup is a thing idk if i’ve mentioned before involving Minyi or not. Bc Minyi, as i know i have mentioned, fucking HATES Spider Queen, and at first for awhile there she was very vocal about it, she hated that her dad was working for her, she hated that he wanted her approval, and most of all she hated that whenever she’d say any of that to him, he’d just sort of… not listen.

Even when even Minyi knows what she’s talking about is silly or irrational, she never really feels like Daddy isn’t listening. Even when she’s wrong and he has to explain to her what it was that was wrong, she still felt like he was listening to her as she talked. But not this. Never this. Minyi’s an observant child, her plotline hinges on it, so she knows when Adults tune her out, she knows when she’s being condescended to. And when Daddy tells her that of course he wants to stay Loyal to Spider Queen and she’s Really Cool Actually she can tell he wasn’t listening to a word she’d actually said. Because he never mentions forgiving her for stealing him, or that he knows it might look like she pushes him around but he knows he’s always in control of the situation, or anything that would actually ANSWER her questions or settle her worries. She just… might as well have stomped her foot and yelled like she was half her age.

And now that his head is clear he can look back on that and be… embarrassed? guilty? His daughter was warning him that whole time out of honest fear and concern that she only barely had the vocabulary and emotional complexity to understand And he brushed her off as if it was nothing. And to rub some salt into it now that his head is clear and the unrelenting force of the Spider demanding subserviance to the Queen is gone it’s obvious that his fucking six year old was right about his ‘boss’ being bad news. So of course he figures he owes Minyi an apology, but Minyi’s just happy that he’s listening to her again so it’s all okay in the end.

And if this is the Cyberhunt timeline then can I get an F in the chat for Huntsman? Bc he ain’t even getting a breakup scene, i don’t think he’d even get a letter outside of the ‘I’m leaving the clan and leaving the city with my family. Don’t try to find us’ that goes out to all of the clan (maybe even still implying that Syntax DOES still have that Spider amplification in him so it’s not just a flimsy ‘stay away’ from an equally flimsy human)

I could see Syntax as being pretty mad at himself for letting the relationship happen at all in that context. Like yeah, his brain was all scrambled up and he can’t ACTUALLY be held accountable for decisions made with the fact that he wasn’t really in his right mind for the whole thing, but it still happened. But now it’s over, and- and it was just some echo of venom that hadn’t quite metabolized yet that left a bitter taste in his mouth to acknowledge that those people weren’t really friends, that he wasn’t really-... His brain is still re-adjusting, he’ll be fine in time.

Minyi I don't think would quite get certain parts about this, in her mind, the big boss is always the bad guy and the other people around are just as scared of the big boss as the person they’re bullying. So to her only Spider Queen was the bad guy. So when Daddy turned back to normal and said that they weren’t safe from the bad guys anymore and needed to go stay at Auntie Xiuying’s cabin for awhile she’d thought that Uncle Huntsman and Uncle Goliath hadn’t come along simply because Uncle Goliath didn’t fit in the car. That they’d catch up with them soon. Because surely, they’d ALL be running away from the REAL bad guy together.

So, she figures they must have gotten lost and had to head back home. Thats not good, surely that means she needs to help them find their way here like how she helped Daddy find his way home. Auntie and Daddy were both too scared of Spider Queen finding them to contact her uncles, but Minyi knew how to evade that!

She knows Uncle Huntsman likes to hang out at their apartment because he loves Daddy (she’ll keep that to herself for now, grownups don’t believe in happily ever afters) so if she mails a letter to the apartment he might find it when he eventually comes over.

She knows Uncle Huntsman doesn’t like puzzles, but he’s good with them when its something important. So she makes a cipher and writes the letter in it, copies down the decoder, and chops it up into distinct shapes, seals it all up in a letter closes the envelope with a sticker on it, and slips it into the mailbox.

Eventually Huntsman does find the letter, written in childish scrawl, the puzzle to decode the letter, and the knowledge that theres only one child on this entire damn continent that would be this obnoxiously enigmatic about sending a fucking letter.

But whatever, he wasn’t gonna do anything except sit in the apartment surrounded by things left behind and feel sorry for himself--er, that is, scavenge for anything that could be used by the Queen and take advantage of the internal heating. So he may as well do something. So he puts together the decoder, she’d just sliced it into fourths. Then translated the letter.

“Hi Uncle Huntsman! If you’re reading this that means you unlocked my letter! Yay! I knew you could! So I know you and Uncle Goliath want to leave the bad lady’s clan too and I know you’re only not here because you guys got lost.” and she just… gave them the coordinates for the place her family was hiding away. (not REALLY hiding, it wouldn’t have taken much to track down the cabin’s whereabouts through Xiuying, but the secluded nature of the cabin may as well have been)

I guess… the way the story ends depends on how you want it to end. Because Huntsman has three options, but really only two. Does he accept defeat and burn the letter, or does he do something with the information he now has? Either way he’d be betraying the queen, but he doesn’t have it in him to turn in the coordinates of their lost clan member and his family. Not this time.

There’s this youtuber i like called Breadsword, he does movie analysis, and in his video about Millenium Actress he says something along the lines of ‘My favorite moment in a romance is somewhere in the last ten minutes, after we’ve followed our characters through the buildup, payoff, and premature destruction of what they had, as they go their separate ways and come to the conclusion that it wasn’t meant to last, one rejects it and takes flight in pursuit of the other... our dreams and our love are the only things truly worth running in the name of.

[imaginethathaikyuu]

How did I find your blog? I was looking for soft Kuroo content on google. And your soft birthday hc’s for him came up. And that’s also how I found tumblr

What was the first story of yours that I read? That Kuroo piece ^

Roughly, how long have I been following this blog? Well I found that piece shortly after it was posted so…. Around the beginning of December 2019 I think. Got a tumblr a few months later and you were the first person I followed (had you in my bookmarks bar before that! (still have you in my bookmarks bar and when I share my screen in classes there are occasionally questions. I ignore them))

What’s something I’ve noticed about you personality wise? You’re really clever and funny. But you’re also sweet. But because you’re clever you have no hesitation in setting up and enforcing your boundaries, and I really admire that strength and confidence.

Have we ever interacted, either by PM, ask, or in the comments? What was my perception of you? YES!!! PM, SOOOOO many asks, comments, and you sent me an ask. And reblogged it. And I cried. A lot. My perception: you’re lovely and I want to h*ld your h*nd ….please.

What’s my favorite story of yours? Oh how to choose. Firstly, I’m a nb, biracial, bisexual. Honey, I’ve never made a choice in my life. But let’s try here. Anything you’ve written for Tsukki. Literally all of it is gold. Fight me. I was going to write “especially [piece title]” but I LITERALLY CANNOT CHOOSE ONE. Your Bokuto nightmare piece. Your Kuroo angsty fight. Your Tendou dealing with S/O with parents who yell piece. Your Kinktobers. Your Futakuchi and Mattsun pieces. And your Terushima pieces. Ugh. I CANNOT CHOOSE. OH AND YOUR STREAMER KENMA!!!!!! OKay just… all of it. I can’t choose. I tried, and I failed, and I’m willing to admit failure.

What’s a story I’d love to see you write? I don’t want to say this… because it hurts me… but I just KNOW you’d write brilliant angst. Some of my fav pieces of yours are pained beginnings with happy endings. That fight with Tsukki after a bad day at work. The pieces I mentioned above (nightmare pieces and fighting pieces and angsty home life ha.. ha.ha.ha.). That Oikawa one where the reader wakes up in bed without him and thinks he left. You write these gorgeous atmospheres and descriptive, visceral feelings, and if you chose to use it for evil…. You could get evil shit done. You’re SO powerful. So I want to read it… but also…. I don’t. I’d love to see you write ABO like you mentioned a while back or just see you explore a cutesy soulmate AU or something. I think you’d be really good at writing an AU where you hear what the other person’s listening too. I feel like you’d be so good at making me feel something for someone who was in another city. (think this would be cute with Tsukki cos he’s headphones boy, OR terushima because I like the dynamic of someone flirty, who clearly cares about looks, falling for someone he can’t see) ANYWAY….

Favorite pairing you write for?/fav reader insert? Tsukishima x reader. It’s my fav self-ship. (but also Mattsun, Bokuto, Oikawa, Tanaka, and Akaashi because you write them SO WELL!!!!)

Have any of your stories helped me through a hard time? Of course. Your self-harm piece came at a time I needed it. Iwaizumi’s in particular saved my life. But also your Tendou dealing with S/O parents who fight… came right when I needed it. Also starting college… was hard.. And reading and rereading your fluff really pulled me through it.

Have any of your stories hit closer to home? YES (see above).

Do I genuinely like your blog, it’s aesthetic or posts? It’s overall feel? It’s content? Yes. The aesthetic is, ngl, a wee bit basic. But I kinda love that. And the feel? It feels like home. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Your blog is my safe space. So, yes, I love. It’s content? YES. OF COURSE. Your personality probably could have kept me here even if your content was kinda shit, but I follow you RELIGIOUSLY because of your content. So yes. I adore.

Is English my first language? Kinda??? I grew up in a trilingual household so I kinda learned three languages at the same time while growing up. But no, I don’t need to translate it in my head. Because English was one of the three.

Anything I want to share? Yes. Please keep being kind to yourself, caring for your mental health, enforcing your boundaries, loving Akaashi, and just generally being you. You’re so lovely as you are, and I hope you continue grow, but never change. Also I’m sorry about all your work stuff…. It literally makes me feel sick. And I hope you find a job where that’s not tolerated, or that your work finds a better way of protecting it’s employees. I know you know this, but none of it is your fault. I just hope things improve. AND I love you… a lot. And I’m so proud of you hitting 9K and you deserve so many more followers because your pieces are just... GORGEOUS. I can’t wait until I’m at Barnes and Noble in a few years and I can pick up a hardback copy of your debut novel. I’m so excited to say “I knew Em Akaashi (which is your legal name as far as I’m concerned) before she was so popular among the masses.”

so ive been trying to figure out the correct and worthy way to reply to this ask since the moment i got it......because its so fucking sweet and kind and amazing and pure and perfect and i just dont know how to use WORDS to explain the way it makes me feel so.......i will just reply in bullet points in regards to every question u answered to make it a lil easier :D

- the fact that u found my blog on google ....... like this may be odd and a very specific thing but before i made this blog i always hoped that 1 day my fanfic would pop up in google searches bc thats ALWAYS how i found fics when i was reading them religiously and i felt so much ENVY!!!!! LIKE I WANTED TO BE THERE I WANTED MY FICS TO B POPULAR ENOUGH TO POP UP ON GOOGLE.....that may sound very selfish but its true......so thats just very cool to me... :]

- u’ve been here for so long omg 🥺🥺🥺🥺 if anyone in ur classes ever asks jus promo my blog like its nbd 

- thats so sweet what 🥺🥺🥺 i try my best to advocate for myself and be confident for myself.....ive spent far too much of my time being silently uncomfortable because i was afraid of pushing someone’s buttons seeming rude.....but NO MORE!!!! i know what upsets me, i know my triggers, i know what i dislike experiencing, and im never gonna let myself be anxious or uncomfortable for someone else’s sake, esp if theyre being rude 2 me. i would say its less strength and confidence and moreso me attempting to take control of my anxiety in the places i can (aka on the Internet) bc i am SICK OF ANXIETY ATTACKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

- BBY no dont CRY!!!! im racking my brain trying to think of who u are i wanna know so bad so i can thank u personally for being the kindest person in the world n so i can send u more asks >:(........MY HAND IS URS TO HOLD!!!!! dont tell akaashi tho 

- OMG my TSUKKI pieces.....hes so hard to write why ;-; thank u so much im so glad u enjoy my works<3333

- NOT ANGST NOT LIKE THIS!!!!!!!!! pained beginnings to happy endings are my specialty.....IMAGINE me writing a sad ending like i CANT!!!!!!!!! ive only done it a few times and it is so Difficult.....YALL ARE SO LUCKY IM NOT EVIL!!!!!! ive had this idea for an angsty akaashi fic that i think about and write in my head every night before falling asleep and it Hurts and i wanna write it but i also can’t make myself :D ABO would be very fun but i genuinely do not know how to explore the concept while making it feel like it’s Written By Me.....u know what i mean? same with soulmate aus, i really dislike writing them because theyre just boring to me like they all feel the same everything’s been done for them.....which is FINE!!! but i write enough cliche stuff as it is HAHA, a long distance type soulmate au could be fun and interesting but ldr’s trigger me bc of a past relationship so </3 but hey maybe someone else could use the idea!!!!!

- gotta love tsukishima <3

- im rlly glad my writing could be there for you friend, one of the biggest reasons i write fanfic (and write the kind of fics i write) is bc i know firsthand how much reading sweet stories abt ur comfort characters can help u through the shittiest times - i just wanna offer ppl some support and happy feelings and love cuz sometimes fanfic is the only time we can find those things (and theres nothing shameful abt that either if anyone bullies u for reading fanfic i will fight them)

- I KNOW MY LAYOUT IS LAZY AND BASIC AS FUCK AND THAT IS BECAUSE I DO NOT GIVE A SHIT LMAOOOO so im glad u think its ok...... like i dont have the patience to create a fancy ass layout that actually works are u KIDDING ME??????? I COULD LITERALLY NEVER plus i kinda like that its just the basic kinda ugly boring default layout like it makes it simple and easy and i feel like it brings focus to the only thing on this blog that i care about which is my writing, i rlly only care about the content here and not aesthetics jdbljdabsdk that blue background will be there til i Die......i adore u more btw 

- WHOA trilingual what the hell ur so cool tell me more 

- you have my word, friend, that i will continue to do all of that so long as you do the same. take care of yourself, be kind to yourself - i know u can do it, ur so kind to others and u deserve to be kind to urself, too so this is the part that genuinely brought me to tears because *sappy dumb shit ahead* ok look ever since i can remember the one and only thing ive wanted to do with my life is become an author ...... dreams of book covers with my name written on them and words in pages written by me and fanart of my characters and going into my local bookstore n seeing my book there....these thoughts all haunt my fucking brain because i want it SO BAD!!!!!!!! so bad that it makes me CRY!!!!!!!! ive never wanted something more and just!!!!!!!!!!!! idk how much u meant that part but holy fuck!!!!!! i hope so bad that one day i can send u a free copy of my book as a thank u for being the person u are. u have all my love friend, every last bit of it <333333333

[illfoandillfie]

ok sorry but how many people do yall think rog has ever slept with cos i’m guessing four figures no lie

okay, i don’t normally respond to messages like this because, frankly, i dont really feel like its my place to speculate on roger’s sex life. Theres a difference between writing a fiction story with a character named after and inspired by him and discussing his actual personal life which i have no real knowledge about. What he gets up to in his free time is between him and the women he does it with. but i didn’t really feel able to ignore this one. please don’t take this as me telling you off or shutting you down or anything like that. If you want to speculate about roger’s body count thats up to you, go nuts with it. and i love when you guys message me and I don’t want to discourage you from feeling like you can talk to me or just send me your random thoughts or whatever about any subject. But I feel like I need to address why I disagree with this sentiment. Also so I can ask ya’ll to please stop asking me questions like this. 

So firstly, just to get this out of the way. 1000 is a lot. even 100 is a lot. I think if rog had slept with 1000+ people he’d have a least a few illegitimate kids and probably would have been checked into rehab for sex addiction (not to mention STIs and such because lbr people in the 70s specifically probs werent the most careful especially if drugs were involved). I mean even if we were going to say Rog got lucky with a different woman after every show we wouldn’t reach 1000. According to google, Queen played around 700 shows in their entire career. If we add shows played by The Cross thats only another 67 odd shows (according to wikipedia). 

now, i think there are 3 things that contribute to this idea of roger as especially promiscuous. 1. His attitude/demeanour/general way he sells himself. 2. the generally held conceptions about rock stars and rock star behaviour. and 3. what i’m going to call fandom dumbassery (but i mean that with a lot of love) 

So lets start with the man himself. Roger Taylor is loud and opinionated and not particularly humble. He knows he’s talented and attractive though for at least some time he was a little self-conscious about how feminine he looked. He’s always up for a laugh, likes to party and has admitted to enjoying his drink and his women. He’s had kids with two different women, who’s relationships “overlapped”, and is currently married to a third. At least that’s the perception we can gleam from his interviews, behind the scenes videos, and other public appearances. 

It’s easy to see how that image leads to accusations of being a womaniser and a cheater and basically a bit of a slut lmao. But here’s the thing. I think Roger, in part, markets himself that way. The thing is, if you look at his solo songs and the relationships he currently has with his kids and their mothers, and things other people have said about him/his relationships over the years, I think it’s fair to say he also has a bit of a romantic streak maybe? idk if thats the best way of describing it...he’s self confessed to not being a fan of marriage and the like but he’s not opposed to writing and singing love songs and seems to believe in ~love~ as a concept/power. He certainly cares deeply for those closest to him. Whether or not that translates to an agreement with monogamy I can’t say for certain. It’s hard to draw conclusions here because a lot of what we know of his personal life was fed to us through magazines and news paper gossip column articles and they were never looking for the truth, they were looking for scandal and sensationalism. 

For instance the whole thing with the overlapping relationships. I think most people who have read anything about roger and dom and debbie realise that it’s not as cut and dry as “he was cheating with debbie and left dom for her” even though that was the story being sold by the press at the time. The reality (or at least the version closer to reality since obviously no one outside of them and whoever they were closest with knows all the nitty gritty details) is that rog and dom had already split when they got married. it was a marriage of convenience to make sure her and the kids would be looked after financially etc even after he’d moved out. So while it looked to the public like he married one chick and 30 odd days later was spotted with another, there really wasn’t anything untoward happening.  I’m not saying he never had casual hookups or one night stands and i’m not saying he never cheated, but I do think some of it’s been exaggerated, whether by him to encourage the rock star perception or by newspaper/magazine articles.

Now, obviously, we have stories of rog, particularly in the late 60s and into the 70s, being with multiple women. There’s that bit in the Interview with a Queen “Groupie” (which is a fantastic read and i defs recommend checking it out if you havent already) where she talks about roger being a chick magnet and says that, at the time, it was pretty common to sleep about. But, she also says she didnt notice him doing it more or less than anyone else and seemed to mostly be with Jo (his girlfriend at the time). This is the same Jo that got a mention in the Queen in 3D book (”i think we all had the feeling that these two were together for life, but it was not to be”). Conversely, we have that quote (which i cannot find rn but i’ll link it when i do) about roger sometimes having one girl upstairs while another waited in the garage for them to be finished. I think it was about Rog in the mid-late 60s in Truro but whatever. Obviously he wasn’t anywhere near celibate and it’s likely was sleeping with people outside of his relationship(s). But one has to assume that as he got older those kinds of antics stopped happening, at least as frequently.

There is one potential story that I remember reading somewhere along the way about Roger cheating on Debbie while she was pregnant. But, take that with a grain of salt because I can’t find the article again and also I think it was from like The Sun or something equally as rubbish. The press was notoriously always printing mean shit about the boys and that might have been another thing they published to create scandal. Even so, if we assume it’s legit that is still only 1 story. Not to throw him under the bus but Brian is the one with multiple confirmed affairs, who literally wrote songs about it all. So why is Roger the one with sleazy reputation? 

This is where my second and third points come in. There is a pervasive idea about what it means to be a rock star. The whole trashing hotel rooms, sleeping with groupies, passing out drunk every night thing. And I’m sure that Queen was like that to an extent. I think it’s pretty common knowledge that all of them got up to shit on the road. Between innuendo laden interviews and songs, videos and accounts of their parties, stories CT has put online, and other stories like the one of Roger bringing out lines of coke as dessert when he was having dinner with motley crue. They definitely embraced the rock and roll lifestyle. And I think with Roger’s personality being what it is, it’s easy to link him to those traditional rock star tropes and say it was all true all the time. I also think Roger has done nothing to counter those beliefs. He’s been open about how he wanted to be a rock star since the minute he picked up a guitar, he’s labelled himself as a great lay in magazines, he’s joked about girls pulling their tits out over dinner in interviews (though he said he didnt take her home), he’s written songs like One Night Stand and Dirty Mind and Airheads which explicitly mention his preference for women and alcohol. I think it’s fair to say he’s kind of encouraged that view of himself. Whether it was just a side effect of being part of such a well known band and having such a boisterous demeanour/personality, or whether it was intentional as a version of promotion i don’t know. maybe a mix of them? I mean I’m sure it didn’t hurt sales and stuff. it’s the whole guys want to be him, girls want to be with him thing, right? Maybe that’s just me being cynical though lmao. 

Anyway, the fandom brain has taken all of that and compressed it into memes and jokes about rog being the band slut. Which i’m not complaining about, lord knows i’ve made the same jokes and reblogged the same posts and used those tropes in my fics. They’re funny and lend themselves to interesting fic concepts. Plus, i think roger is the sort of person who would probably laugh about most of it. But it’s an idea that keeps feeding into itself through fandom, perpetuating what is probably a misguided view of his personal life.

Again, I am sure he’s had his fair share of fun and I’m not trying to make out that he was always perfect or whatever, but I don’t think he’s been with as many women as the popular discourse would imply and I certainly don’t think he’s in the 4 digit numbers. 

[metsaahenki]

Chapter one

stranger and the chestnuts

attention: I am not very good at english and the text was translated by me and my friend!enjoy!

after another winter hibernation, which regularly comes every winter in the moominvalley, approximately in the last week of February, a lonely, lost, lame animal came to the valley. he was not great in stature, a little smaller than mumriks, but there was so much rudeness and anger in this little creature! he limped on one paw and leaned on a stick very suitable for a cane (it was rounded as all canes should be). he did not know anyone and was not particularly in a hurry to get to know each other, he was unpleasant and alien to everyone, not everyone tolerated rudeness towards themselves, which the foreigner abused.

the snow was melting. From morning to evening, water ran through the drainpipes and froze at night, forming crystals on the roofs. frosts have not yet left these lands.

the foreigner did not have a home, he did not have one before. in its provision, a house - with a roof, walls and an entrance door, possibly a couple of windows, and also a chimney from which a ball of smoke comes out. how the house looked inside the animal had no idea, because he had never been a guest before. he slept in some kind of cozy hummock, suitable for him in shape, on moss or buried in the leaves, the more important is to be comfortable. now the situation had not changed at all, he still slept on the street, but now it was an abandoned hollow.

from day to day the moomin family was to wake up. the stranger did not know what he was counting on, he was told briefly “keep your way to the moominvalley, one family will help you, you will not mix it up with anyone else”. he had nothing to do, no matter where to go, however, the animal considered itself useless in all its degree: he was limping, he cannot drag heavy things, scattered, slow, everywhere like a fifth wheel. but even such a gloomy creature wanted to be needed and loved, he did not have a family, or rather he was left to fend for himself - his parents either abandoned, or were just as absent-minded and lost while picking rowan berries.

“Maybe tomorrow I will sleep in bed under a thick blanket” with such a thought the animal fell asleep, curling up into a ball.

very early in the morning, when there was not even a ray of sunshine yet, he was awakened by a pouring rain that beat like a drum in the hollow. wet and frightened, the foreigner jumped out of the flooded tree trunk and shivered from the cold, clutching his paws as closely as possible to each other. where to run? where to hide? the crowns of trees are bare and the benefits of them are exactly the same as that of a leaky umbrella. the eyes did not have time to get used to the twilight and everything looked soapy and spooky.

- What are you standing there, you fool, theres downpour! Or is it such a specific way to take a morning shower for you? - a voice sounded from behind. the animal turned sharply and stared with a rounded eyes at the dark figure with an umbrella.

-the place where I slept today is flooded and in the dark I see badly, I don't know where to go, damn it!

not a word more, and the dark figure covered the small creature, soaked to the bone, under its huge umbrella. led the savior towards the house, the rescuer following him. they came to a large house and it resemble a chestnut tree in shape. the sky was brightening, but because of the huge rain clouds that did not let the light through, the rising sun was simply not visible, which made the foreigner's soul even more disgusted. in any light, the stranger could make out the face of a fellow traveler. “Are these the moomins that were talking about? no, they are white, and this one is ... dark and strange. " a distinctive feature of moomintrolls is that they are white, tailed, with large muzzles and small ears, and this one had only a tail and a large muzzle, a dark color and even long horns, resembling more of a radio antennas.

- What is your name? - They managed to get to the front door and before entering the house, the dark figure asked the small creature’s name.

-Juniper. - the beast said reproachfully and squinted at the large creature. - and your name is not a moomintroll?

- no! - he laughed and smiled only at the look of the Juniper. - my name is Chesnut and my family is chestnuts. Moomins live a little to the north of us, are you a friend or a distant relative?

-nobody. - the Juniper went outside the threshold of the house and felt safe. The house was quiet and could hear only the synchronized snoring of all the inhabitants of the house, from the snoring he could understand that there are many animals living here.

-they are still asleep, wake up closer to dinner. - a Chesnut warned, passing into the living room, the Juniper limped behind him.

-Why are you awake then? - the Juniper wheezed, sitting down in an soft chair, on which a Chesnut kindly offered him to sit.

- I had to go for oil for a lanterns, someone stole a lot of things from us while we we were hibernating , but I don't blame them, maybe someone needed it more. - a Chesnut fussing in the kitchen. he brushed the dust off the kitchen furniture, rinsed out the kettle and pot. everything needed cleaning, but it’s all later. water and milk boiled on the stove. Chesnut squatted on the floor, searching the bottom shelf of the kitchen cabinet for his mother’s tableware specially for guests. everything hot was in the dishes and placed on the family tray and sent to the living room, where the confused Juniper was sitting. "This is how the house looks inside," he thought, and darted his gaze from corner to corner until a tray was placed in front of his nose.

-Is this porridge? I hate porridge,—the Juniper complained, twitching his antennae displeasedly.

-I didn't find anything else, but now eat, please.—Chestnut said softly, sitting down in a nearby chair and drinking tea with turmeric.

faint light seeped through the dusty windows and the living room began to take shape, paintings and family photographs became visible. There were a lot of photos and Juniper came to the conclusion that there were a lot of relatives living in the house, which made him uneasy.

the remains of porridge on the edges of the plate dried up, the tea was drunk. it became warmer in the stomach and warmed the paws, the Chesnut took his wet clothes and left them in the laundry room, in return he brought a large shirt (perfectly fitting for everyone in this house) and the most ordinary looking pants, but also too huge for such a small animal. the Juniper still had some manners, so he was polite and did not comment the clothes.

- My mom will like you! and uncle! and my grandfather's uncle, in general, many, but you are ... just don't be afraid of them, they can be very toplofty sometimes, — a Chesnut said on an excited breath.

“I’m sunk ” the Juniper thought anxiously, and from the thought that he would have to be polite, his paws began to sweat and the antennae twitched more often.

[kiwibirdlafayette]

Alright good god I needed to share this cause I had stumbled upon this screenshot on google one day while looking for references (if anyone knows who took it let me know so i can link the post cause I cant remember op) and-

Well, I made some interesting observations after trying to read the flag of presumably, Arthur, and how it actually ties into the central motif of the show itself. 

A bit of an essay ahead, feel free to read if you’d like 

First off, the flag. For the past few days I’ve been trying to figure out what those characters were (mostly because it’s just really blurry) and it finally occured to me that those are Trollish text (y’know like the ones that appear in Brief Recapitulation of Troll Lore)

While it still is kind of difficult to read even while sharpening and brightening the image, the best transcription I can get out of it is written in the annotations, which, according to the chart prior, roughly translates to “king”.

This, of course, isn’t the intriguing part as the individual holding the flag is obviously already meant to be interpreted as a king, even without it (as he wears a blatant crown atop his head to depict his status) The part that really got me is the fact that theres Trollish text there in the first place.

Back in season 1 when Blinky’s discussing the history of trolls, one very important thing he says is: “For centuries, the troll and human worlds stood separate and at peace” (Season 1, Episode 4), meaning it doesn’t seem likely that Camelot and Pre-Glastonbury Trollmarket would have shared a written language, unless there was more interspecies interactions then we have been led to believe. We’ll come back to this in a second. 

Then theres the whole concept of the infamous museum mural, which becomes interestingly relevant to this particular theory with the show already possessing a recurring red/blue color motif throughout.

Evident in the dichotomy between Eclipse/Daylight, Troll Jim/Gunmar, red and blue seems to play a pivotal role in depicting the two sides of the shows internal moral conflict. However, this heartbeat conflict isn't a simplistic moral battle regarding the matter “good vs evil”, but rather, it’s “war v. peace”

Think about it. If blue= good and red=evil, why is Gunmar and the Darkland’s so heavily associated with blue? Or why is Jim, the key protagonist, dressed in red for his defining moment in season 3 when he defeats Gunmar? 

Instead, blue is meant to be war, and red is meant to be peace, but also separation. Just as Gunmar, (pre-gold colorations) intends to bring war to the surface lands to regain control (furthered even by the fact that the Decimaar blade is blue, and represents control for war), the Daylight armor was created for a single purpose: battle. It is, after all, knights armor. And while you could argue, yes Eclipse was also created for the purpose of battle, its true inherent purpose wasn’t to fight to protect, it was created solely to defeat Gunmar, the source of war. 

(Completely ignoring the premonition of 3Below and Wizards for a second), it isn’t until after Gunmar’s defeat that separation and (temporary) peace seems to have occurred. Arcadia settles down, and the majority of troll world once again becomes separate from humanity with Jim, Blinky and a good amount of Trollmarket trekking off to New Jersey. 

As pointed out by Tuna on the THCC discord, the character who is most likely Merlin carries a horngazel, an element of the show associated with bridges, and gateways (which, typically insinuates separation between two realms) whereas the woman (perhaps Morgana?) to the other side of Arthur carries a knife, a connotation of war. Such observations would ultimately suggest that maybe separation of the worlds is what Merlin has wanted all along. 

Consider: Merlin is the one entirely who suggests moving to New Jersey, he’s the one who turns Jim “red” in the first place. And even in the portrait, it’s him who’s more dominantly clad in red (between the two, with the blue of his main outfit maybe being a closer indication to his allegiance to Arthur as court colors) whereas Morgana (maybe even Morgause?), who appears to be suggesting war/violence, is dressed entirely in blue. Specifically, the shade of blue seen on Gunmar and on the soldiers in the mural. 

Now, returning to the issue of Arthur and the Trollish banner, what if the banner isn’t just an indication of his status as King of Camelot, but rather, its trying to communicate something. It’s fairly evident in a lot of Arthuriana that one of Arthur’s main goals has been to unite all of the Britons, and in the case of ToA, this could have included the non-human residents as well. 

Perhaps, in an attempt to unite the two realms, Arthur decides that he would try to make peace with them, as red too, is the color of peace, using the banner as a way of showing to them that Camelot does not seek war, but understand and alliance. However, his advisor, Merlin, disagrees, Believing that trolls and humans should stay separate. Morgana, who maybe already had some kind of ill will against the society of trolls (which is a bit inconsistent with her ‘mother of monsters’ narrative but I wont go into this since it isn’t my area of expertise), is convinced the only way to gain their allegiance is via violence/control. People of Camelot catch wind of the king’s plans, and maybe they start taking sides.

And perhaps it is this very particular sequence of events is what leads to the occurrence we see depicted in the museum mural. The two forces of peace/war coming into conflict with one another that it just ends with the two worlds remaining separate for the rest of time. Merlin and Morgana, now in conflict with one another, and trolls and humans staying out of reach from one another.

 From there, maybe Arthuriana occurs as it would have, including Mordred, the Grail and the Battle of Camelann, all the way to the king becoming a troll we all know and love (but that’s a story for another post)

So Tldr; This image, overall is meant to be Arthur, aiming to bring together the communities of humans and trolls alike begins developing plans of peace offerings, learning their language and using it as means to gain an alliance. However, because of Merlin’s desire to prevent this alliance, and Morgana/Morgause’s belief they will not accept non-violent means, Camelot instead falls to an everlasting moral division of peace vs. war that continues on as a motif in the show canon, that is not yet concluded despite Jim’s defeat of Gunmar.

[lunawings]

King of Prism SSS Episode 2 commentary (Yukinojo)

Watched this episode live with you guys at 1am, stream froze right at the ending. That was the tipping point I needed to stay up to watch it again as soon as it was released on Crunchyroll at 3am, with the few folks who stayed in the chat. And of course after all that extended King of Prism woke me up, now look who can’t sleep and is watching it a 3rd time tonight at... 5am... aha ha... ha...... don’t look at me like that I don’t have work until 4pm it’s fine

So like most folks in Japan I experienced this episode as part of a three pack bundled with the prologue and Taiga’s episode, which makes up the theatrical SSS Part 1. 

While the theater experience is great, it’s also kinda bizarre since the tone in this episode is drastically different from the other two. After the dinner scene ends there is no basically cheering until the end of this episode. What can we say! I just kinda fall into a prism coma until the Prism One show when I am suddenly like wha... WHAAA OH YEAH knocking my concert lights on the floor trying to quickly grab them in time and all that. 

But not because this episode is bad or anything. Quite the opposite. It’s just....

Mesmerizing.... 

Anyway.

ITS ABOUT FRIKKIN TIME 

Renjishi is a pretty famous Kabuki show, and I think “Two Lions” is an accepted English translation so I don’t know why they didn’t bother to translate it? 

 This translator couldn’t figure out what to do with the “18″ either... I would definitely be confused why there is so much 18 this and that in this episode if I hadn’t looked it up for my own translations. It’s a reference to a certain collection of best kabuki plays.

And if you’re wondering why Yukinojo is the 7th generation while his father is the 3rd.... well... hell if I know, because that actually not a mistranslation. 

*throws hands in the air* If someone can explain it to me let me know.

In the theaters sometimes people will hold up two red lights and break them apart here and I always want to do it but I ALWAYS FORGET AHHH. My brain just isn’t in cheering mode during this episode. 

Also it took me like eight viewings before I noticed there is a continuity error where Shin’s chopsticks fix themselves ahah.

FACE

(Also someone in the livestream pointed out his earrings. Not sure if we have seen Yu with earrings yet.)

One of the many things that makes SSS so amazing is how much it changes the first two movies. Just when you thought you were done with them, all of a sudden you want to watch them all over again to see them in a new light. While the movies largely follow Shin’s perspective, for the first time we finally get to see things through the perspectives of other characters and it just adds layer upon layer upon layer and it’s just.... ahh..... 

THE PRISM

THE ONE SPECIFIC PRISM

The way the translator phrased this I imagine them all worshiping a giant stone in the back somewhere. ALL HAIL.... THE BRILLIANT PRISM....... 

This line is super weird out of context. When I translate King of Prism stuff I put in “prism jump” just to add context when it’s not there. But that’s.... just.... m...eee..............

This is my favorite damn Kakeru line in SSS and he doesn’t even say anything. 

Eeeeyaah... ....

Taiga is amazing in this scene too. BE TRUE TO YOUR EMOTIONS YOU’RE  RUINING DINNER DAMMIT 

I thought when I paused on this scene I’d be able to read some of these posters but not really. Wonder if these are a reference to Yukinojo getting into Japanese rock like he did during the curry event on Prism Rush? Maybe they just wanted to show he has typical teenage boy stuff in his room too. Also, of course, cameo from Andy! 

A translation I actually liked. This is basically exactly what he says ahha... the old men group of Edel Rose (2nd year high schoolers).

For anyone who read my shitty out of context spoilers during the first weekend and thought I was kidding when I said Kakeru almost got murdered by Yukinojo but he kinda deserved it.

I’m still reeling from how fucking real Kakeru gets here...... damn........

Someone in the livestream pointed this out, but we almost never hear Kakeru call Yukinojo “Tachibana” do we?

I jumped an inch in my seat when I saw this at the midnight showing. It was the moment where I was like holy moly we’re not in Kansas anymore and started to realize exactly what we were getting into in SSS. This is a whole new King of Prism. 

When you watch the episodes all strung together in the theater, the first episode runs at the same pace as the movies (in my mind I kinda of think of it as a shorter 3rd movie in itself), so it’s not until you get about here where things first start to slow and deepen and it’s you realize wow.... this really is an anime now..... 

I thought Nikkanen mentioned this superhero on Prism Rush, but he said Yossha-Man haha. Well they are both parodying the same series. (Yattaman/Yattawan?)

I really like Yukinojo’s grandpa. He just has the best old man voice. 

WHOOOOOOSH

This scene is foreshadowed in the first episode of SSS. While Shin is introducing everyone you see Yukinojo’s mother look down at her wrist. 

So it was kind of weird to be like is that gonna be a thing--OH THATS A THING right after haha. The theater experience is great, but these episodes are probably better paced week-to-week like this instead of in odd chunks the way they show them in theaters. 

I think this was foreshadowed in Pride the Hero too isn’t it? (His hairpin shines when he looks at his Mom?)

Perhaps something more shocking happened in the next scene though.

At least to me anyway. 

So ages ago, maybe first movie era, I was reading a profile of Yu in a magazine. Specifically this one:

It mentioned that Yu wears Bell Rose pajamas. 

And I always remembered that. Because hey that’s pretty hilarious. 

YEARS PASS

King of Prism SSS episode 2.

Yukinojo just had a breakdown 

AND THERE’S YU

IN HIS GODDAMN BELL ROSE PAJAMAS

AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Seriously my mouth fucking dropped open when I saw this. If only I was at cheering I really would have shrieked and ruined this serious scene ahah.

AND THEN THERES THIS 

This scene just gives me goosebumps everywhere. Yukinojo’s first prism jump. The way Shin screams. AHHHHHHHH--

This scene actually gives me goosebumps too. It’s such a mood. This whole episode is such a mood. 

Kakeru and Yukinojo really have a lot in common. I understand now why they made such good duo partners on Prism Rush. Not only do they both have a lot of weight on their shoulders from their families, but the both inherited it from their mother’s side. Just like Yukinojo’s father married into kabuki, as we learned in Young of Prism it was Kakeru’s father who married into the Juuouin group. Don’t mind my random fact, I just thought it was super interesting.

So. This line kind of confused me a bit. Because I thought a major theme in this episode was about how Yukinojo couldn’t escape his blood. Yukinojo’s mother made that clear.

But then again Yukinojo’s mother also knew his father had this experience where he learned his fate wasn’t controlled by blood at all. 

Maybe that just served for a reason as to why she can see Yukinojo’s soul is in prism shows? I don’t know. 

I’m also really confused by how differently she treats Yukinojo in this scene compared with the flashback. I’m glad she came around, but I feel like we missed something in between. 

I don’t need to say how awesome Yukinojo’s prism show was. It just keeps building more and more tension as it goes on and just ahhhh....

I was really sad the stream froze before you guys found out Yukinojo beat Shin’s score (in sparking). 

Also I feel super dumb because I said something about Yukinojo being only the second male star to do four jumps in a row. I FORGOT ABOUT HIRO

So Louis -> Hiro -> Yukinojo, the first three male stars to successfully do four consecutive jumps. The top male stars by pure skill. 

So this ending.... is NOT the ending we see in the theater. The song and visuals were all new. (Well except for assets reused from the episode well you know what I mean.)

I’m a bit town about this. On the one hand I was REALLY REALLY REALLY looking forward to hearing 366 Love Diary.... But on the other hand it’s cool that they are doing something so special for the TV showing by having different endings every week. And after all, the CD for 366 Love Diary is coming out literally tomorrow.... but....

Okay so clearly I loved this episode but part of me is just really glad it’s over because next week is TAAAIGGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA and I cannot fucking wait to share it with you guys. 

(My favorite episode of the show.)

(I don’t even know if I can fit all my thoughts on it in a post how long is the limit on Tumblr srsly)

[leondraisaitlsglove]

Transcript: Peter and Leon Draisaitl in a double interview ahead of the NHL Global Series Challenge

[This is a little rough, yo. Obviously not an exact translation but I tried to stay as true to the original wording as possible while getting the general meaning across properly. The result is a bit stilted. Rick Goldmann (interviewer) speaks a dialect that obviously doesn’t translate here and Peter mumbles a bit in places so I had to take some liberties there. The general tone of the interview is jokey and casual, Leon and his dad are bantering, but there’s heartfelt and serious bits too! I also chose to keep ‘Papa’ (dad) and ‘Mama’ (mom) in their original German bc I think it’s cute, lol. But anyway, YEET! Let me know what you think. Theres two lil McDrai moments in there if you squint.]

I LOVE YOU ANON THANK YOU FOR MAKING MY MCFREAKING DAY IM GONNA READ IT NOW AND THEN SOUND OFF IN THE TAGS WHEN IM DONE. THANK YOU. YOUR HARD WORK IS VERY APPERICATED.

This is the interview for anyone wondering

Rick Goldmann: Welcome, Peter and Leon Draisaitl, to what I’m going to call a ‘family interview‘ here on Sport1 [channel name]. I’m guessing this kind of interview, a double interview, has been done more frequently recently now that you [Peter] are the coach in Cologne [of the Kölner Haie ‘Cologne Sharks’, Colognes Hockey team in the DHL, the German pro Hockey league] and you [Leon] are here [in Cologne]. How often has this happened so far?

Peter: Not really that often. We’ve maybe done it one or two times, three maximum. It hasn’t been that many times.

Leon: Yes [agreeing noises]

RG: So you’re not getting tired of it?

L: Not yet, no. I think we still have quite a bit of that ahead of us in the following days, especially before the game.

P: Yes.

RG: Let’s just start at the beginning. You could say that you two spent the summer here in Cologne together. What did that look like?

Peter: Leon spent two bigger chunks of time in Prague, where he prepared with his trainer. We took a vacation together for three weeks, in Spain. When we were in Cologne, he [Leon] trained here with us [the Kölner Haie] to get ready, both ‘dry’ [gym etc.] training and going out on the ice with us. [Starts grinning] But by now he’s hanging out with the boys more rather than spending time at home with us.

PG: So when you’re in Cologne, Leon, you stay with your Papa?

L: Yes, with my parents.

RG: Who’s responsible for cooking? Not you.

L: Not me, no. [Huffs] Certainly not me. Mama, mostly, when we eat at home.

RG: Okay. But you went on vacation together. You did that together this summer. It’s been a brutally hot summer. I heard you actually don’t enjoy water that much. Is that true? If yes, how did you even survive?

L: Where did you hear that?

RG: Maybe I didn’t come prepared.

L: No, it’s true, I’m not much of a … I mean I do like cooling off, but if I do it’s more likely to be in a pool rather than the big open sea where you never know what’s swimming around underneath you.

RG: So you respect the ocean?

L: Yeah, for sure.

P: I could prove that with a picture or two.

RG: Where did that come from? Has that been the case since he was little?

P: Hmm. Yeah, actually, he was still wearing those little red … what’s the word?

L: Water wings.

P: …water wings or whatever they’re called, and he already didn’t trust the water back then. And he has kept that up to this day.

RG: [Jokingly] Did you not inflate them properly?

P: [Laughs] That’s certainly possible.

RG: I’ve heard something else along with you not liking the water – that in juniors, you actually didn’t play hockey for a year. [Leon nods] How did that happen and what did you think of that, Peter?

L: Yeah I mean my parents were actually pretty… they essentially supported me in whatever… from the beginning it was clear that if I didn’t like Hockey, it wouldn’t be a big problem. I essentially tried out every sport; I’ve played golf, I’ve played tennis… I experimented a lot, and there was a time when Hockey for me was – I think it was actually because we were moving house, moving house a lot annoyed me about Hockey so I stopped playing for a year and played soccer, but it turned out that wasn’t for me [chuckles].

P: [Chuckling]

RG: [to Peter] What did you think? He’s not a soccer player? Or did you not care?

P: Let’s be serious for a while: If he had stuck with soccer, that would’ve been fine for us. We realized, or learned, or understood early on that there’s no sense in pressuring your children into it. Just because I was stomping around somewhere sometime [aka playing hockey], that doesn’t mean he absolutely has to do the same thing. If he had told me; ‘Papa, golf, tennis suits me more’ that would have been…

Leon: Fencing.

P: …been fine for our family. Fencing, sure. With your motor skills… I don’t think so. [Leon grins] It would’ve been okay. I don’t remember, was it even a full year?

L: I don’t know either. Not sure if it was a whole year.

P: He dipped his toes into it, at Fortuna was it?

L: [Offended] That’s Fortuna Düsseldorf. It was Victoria Köln.

P: Or Victoria. No idea.

L: Victoria Köln, yes.

P: But I think that stopped after a few weeks or so.

L: Because they wouldn’t let me take the free kick once, yeah.

RG: That made you not want to do it anymore?

L: Yeah, I lost my motivation after that.

[All laugh]

P: He came back to Hockey after that.

RG: If there’s a list of things you guys don’t want to hear anymore: How far up there is ‘The German Gretzky?’

L: You mean as a nickname?

RG: Yeah, that people call you that.

L: Ehhh, Actually… I try to distance myself from that a little bit, nicknames and all that. Stuff like that tends to come from the media anyway, and if they enjoy writing stuff like that, whatever, go ahead.

RG: Of course it comes from the media, but you still notice it. As a former player I’d say how do you come up with bullshit like that, but they need their headlines. When you heard it the first time, what did you think about it, Peter?

P: As I’m sure you can imagine I wasn’t exactly thrilled with it, because it puts unnecessary pressure on the young guys. Like everyone in this sport knows, there has only ever been one and there will only ever be one [Wayne Gretzky], and that comparison with the name alone already isn’t fair. And in the end it doesn’t even make any sense. But it’s actually pretty cool that Leon is able to – and has always been able to – absorb stuff like that and then put it aside. He doesn’t dwell on it when he generates headlines like that, generates ‘hype’ like that, as it’s already happened in the past, with the junior draft and the NHL draft, interviews and so forth. So far he’s always handled it pretty professionally.

RG: You’ve brought up an interesting aspect: the mental aspect in professional sports. Especially now with how Hockey has developed, maybe in comparison with other players in the DHL, in Europe, with the NHL - what kind of importance does it have for you? The ‘mental strength’ as some people call it?

L: In my personal opinion, over 90% of it takes place in your head. Without wanting to disrespect anyone, when I train with the guys here: they’re not slower – well maybe when compared to someone like McDavid – but generally they’re not slower, their shooting isn’t worse than that of the guys I train with overseas, but in my opinion it’s something in your head. It’s all mental games, mental stuff that plays a huge role in Hockey, and in sports in general.

RG: [to Peter] If you think back to your career and you compare it to Leons, what would you like to have that he does and you didn’t?

P: If you move beyond the fact that times were different back then – no videos, no social media – the NHL was so far removed from us for most players, and definitely for me, that I wasn’t even thinking about it. But putting that aside, maybe his maturity or his mental strength. Because I figured out pretty late what this sport was about, I wasted years of my time playing hockey by not taking it seriously as a team sport, not knowing what it meant to be part of a greater whole. Where I needed to position myself to be actually useful. And he [Leon] understood that much earlier.

RG: If you had to describe him as a player how would you do that?

P: As someone who … maybe partially already is, but will definitely succeed in being a dominant two-way player. Who, with his skills, should be able to carry a line, to lead and direct a group of five players. Moreover he has the ability to score - to set up plays and also score himself. I don’t think I’m wrong when I say that Leon is developing that way. I think that’s his overarching goal he wants to reach, so he can compete with the superstars of our sport. People like Crosby, who have already won tons of stuff, who have proven not just once but over and over again that when it really counts, they can bring it.

RG: [to Leon] How would you rate that evaluation by a coach, by your Papa?

L: He knows me, of course. He knows that it’s my goal to get there someday, to be a two-way forward that can score goals but who doesn’t think he’s above doing the dirty work defensively. Who takes important face-offs and who’s a complete, all around good hockey player.

RG: Leon, this year was the first time you’ve done your prep work in Cologne. How did that happen and why did you choose to do your training camp for the NHL season in Germany?

L: I’m from here. I grew up here. This is the perfect scene for me, and with my dad as a coach here, it gives me every opportunity to prepare successfully and well. A weight room, I can go on the ice, every day, use the gym every day, so that’s a no brainer for me.

RG: When you’re on the ice here, your Papa is the coach. What’s that situation like for you, when he’s the one blowing the whistle?

L: [Grinning] By now I’ve gotten used to it a little. Since I’ve always kind of done it like that over the years, that I go train wherever my dad happens to be at the time. Sometimes when he gets a little louder it’s a bit weird for me, because I only know my Papa from what he’s like at home, talking shit, joking around. So when it gets serious all of a sudden… but other than that it’s pretty normal. I know it’s a business, I know this is his job and I’m smart enough to separate that from home life.

RG: So I guess that means when you were little, you were just like all the other kids, following your dad into the locker room and getting to know Hockey like that. Was it essentially a pre-decided thing that you’d get into hockey yourself?

L: If you follow basic logic, of course that had something to do with it. I don’t know, a couple of weeks ago I saw pictures of me where I could barely walk and was wearing a giant red helmet and gloves that were half my…

P: And a pacifier, don’t forget that. A pacifier.

L: …half my entire body size. So of course I got into it via my dad. But I think the passion, to a certain degree, you have to develop yourself.

RG: When you think back, what’s the first thing you remember of your dad in regards to Hockey?

L: For me, the coolest thing was after the game when the kids were allowed to come down and onto the ice and were handed over the glass by one of the parents. Then taking a victory lap with Papa, that was the best… I always loved that.

P: And my back check at Schalke.

L: And his back check at Schalke in 2010, that was also…

P: Formative. Formative, definitely.

L: I’ll never forget that.

RG: Your back check at Schalke?

P: Yeah, I burned my equipment after that. Before the game there was a match against the Grasbrunner (?) guys, a pre-game.

RG: At the World Cup Germany were hosting? In front of 70000 people?

P: Exactly, yeah. That was when I realized…

L: Let it go. Hang them up.

P: Stop playing.

L: Give it up.

P: And that was the last time I played a hockey game.

RG: Oh, really?

P: Yeah.

RG: Mine too, by the way.

P: There you go.

RG: I saw you and thought to myself: better not try again.

P: That’s it, now it’s over.

RG: When did you realize what kind of talent Leon had, the potential he had?

P: The first time I thought it could be enough for a higher level was when I was overseas at Prince Albert and it was starting to look likely he’d get drafted at the junior draft, or rather the NHL draft, relatively highly. And then you obviously have the hope, if you’re talking about the first round or something, that he could end up in the best league, in the NHL.

RG: [to Leon] You’re 22 years old, turning 23, how much would you say have you reached your potential as a hockey player?

L: I’d say I have a lot more in me. Or rather, I know I have a lot more to give. At 22 no Hockey player, no athlete is at the point he can reach by 26, 27, 28. It’s a process I’m looking forward too, but I also know it’s very hard work. I’ll try to get better and better each year.

RG: Now there’s going to be this game, the global series that’s taking place here. The game was sold out within 10 minutes. When did you first find out there would be the opportunity to play against an NHL team as a coach here in Cologne?

P: I don’t remember, or I somehow… [Leon murmuring] excuse me?

L: I think it was through me.

P: That’s possible. I think at first I didn’t even realize it. I heard about the Oilers playing here, I thought it was a joke at first. When it became official I thought okay, well, this is a fact now. Again, for ‘Kölle’ [nickname for the city in the regional accent] this game, and the winter game later in the season, are huge, fantastic events awaiting us. I think this event, this game against the Oilers will be really fun for everyone involved.

RG: The global series, Leon, to explain the basics, what’s the idea behind it? Why does the NHL play games abroad, in Europe?

L: I think it’s to push markets in countries where Hockey isn’t as popular. To increase the importance of Hockey worldwide, and especially in countries where it’s relatively unknown, like China, like Germany, I don’t know where else. Or in smaller countries, to push the sport. I think the NHL is doing a really good job, and I personally really like that they’re doing these kinds of matches. I think for the DHL teams as well, or with New Jersey in Switzerland, for the Swiss teams, it’s a highlight and everyone is looking forward to it.

RG: In this game, Edmonton Oilers vs. Kölner Haie, how important is the Draisaitl vs. Draisaitl duel? It’s not every day you get the chance to beat your dad, and it’s not every day you get to coach against an NHL team either.

P: Well this is going to be his only chance, because in table tennis and every other game [Leon protests by puffing up his cheeks and laughing] he can’t keep up, so maybe Wednesday will be the only time he gets the opportunity. But I don’t see them beating us yet.

L: [Grinning, then mock-serious] This is going to be one of many times I’ll beat my dad, in various things. No, like he said, it’s going to be an outstanding event, for our family it’s going to be special as well. And I think for them [Kölner Haie] it will be the hardest, I think they don’t quite know what’s in store for them yet. Being neutral is [unintelligible]

RG: If you absolutely had to pick a player from Edmonton to play with the Kölner Haie – and you have to, otherwise you’d say you wouldn’t take any – you need to take one.

P: I have to, yes.

RG: Who would you pick?

P: He would start right now? For the season?

RG: Yeah, exactly. Who do you pick?

P: I’ll have to think for a little bit. There’s quite a few who are… I would have to decide between McDavid and Leon. But you only want one.

RG: Yeah, and why you’d pick him. Who and for what reason.

P: I’d pick McDavid. Leon will have to deal with that.

L: [Mockingly] Incomprehensible. Can’t understand that choice.

P: He needs to be strong now.

RG: if you had to pick one for Edmonton – one of the Cologne guys.

L: From the Cologne team. Hmm. [clicks his tongue] Pfohli [Fabio Pfohl]. I think he has the potential. His Hockey IQ is on a really high level. In my opinion it should be his goal to play in the NHL.

P: Okay.

RG: [to Peter] You’ll stick with your choice? McDavid?

P: [nodding]

L: [grinning, shaking his head] Can’t understand that.

[All laughing]

RG: Okay, thank you!

[dailyaudiobible]

05/07/2019 DAB Transcript

1 Samuel 1:1-2:21, John 5:1-23, Psalms 105:37-45, Proverbs 14:28-29

Today is the 7th day of May. Welcome to the Daily Audio Bible. I’m Brian. It is wonderful, a pleasure, an honor, a joy to be in your presence, to come around the global campfire together and come into the Lord's presence together and allow His word to speak to us. And that's what we've come to do and that's what we will do. We concluded the book of Ruth yesterday and what a beautiful, beautiful story and it comes at such a good time. Just a needed exhale. And now we’re moving into the books of Samuel.

Introduction to the book of Samuel:

Samuel was the final judge of Israel and Samuel will lead us into the time of the monarchy. So, a time when there were kings in Israel. And theres two books of Samuel, the books of first and second Samuel, but they probably weren't authored by the prophet Samuel. It's not clear who the author is. Historically it seems that these…that this work…was written somewhere when the kingdom divided. So, if this your first trip through the Bible some of these references, you can be like, “I don't know what we’re talking about.” We haven't even come into the kingdom yet, right? So, Samuel's gonna bring us to a time where kings rule in Israel, but after a time that gets a little bit convoluted as we will see, and the kingdom of Israel divides into two different kingdoms. It’s thought that this is kind of around the time that maybe when the story of Samuel was written down. A lot of scholars believe that this material was recorded by three different prophets of Israel - Samuel, Nathan and Gad - but we don't know that for certain. We do know that the books of Samuel were written in Hebrew and they weren't written as two different texts originally. Actually, first and second Samuel and first and second Kings were all grouped together as one continuous text. And then when the Old Testament was translated into Greek, which is called the Septuagint, the texts were then divided into four books and at that time they were known as the books of the kingdoms. And when the Old Testament was translated into Latin, which is called the Vulgate, then they became the books of the kings. So, at this time in the Bible we had first and second and third and fourth kings. So, kind of confusing to follow along with. But there's more. What is now known as first and second Samuel was actually first and second Kings in the Latin translations and what we know as first, and second Kings was known as the third and fourth kings during that era. And then this was all changed to what we now understand, the books of Samuel, first and second Samuel, and the books of Kings, first and second Kings by those who translated and created the King James Bible in 1611. So, in terms of like ancient history, this change is more recent. So, Samuel, as we will see, was a very influential person. Last judge of Israel. He was also a prophet of God and he served before the Lord as a priest. And as we saw reading through the book of Judges, the land had kinda fallen into a form of anarchy. Everyone was doing what was right in their own eyes. And then Samuel steps in as a prophet and that begins to alleviate some of the anarchy because Samuel is speaking directly for God. And this is something that the children of Israel are more accustomed to historically. Now Israel desires to have a king. They don't have one, but they desire one and Samuel will introduce kingship into the civilization and culture of Israel. And the first thing that will meet as you probably know, is named Saul. And then we’ll meet this boy, actually, named David who will later become a king and we’ll see up close and personal the conflict between Saul and David. And God warns the children of Israel not to take a king to rule over them, but, you know, as is usual and is as is often the case in our own lives, they'll choose their own path and introduce kings into their culture. And, so, we’ll see spiritual guidance coming from the prophets, and national guidance coming from the king, but throughout the entire book what’s really happening here is that a man-made kingdom is being established with a king to rule over it, the kingdom of Israel. And from this point on that's how it will be looked at until there are no kingdoms left. But we’ll get there. For now, we’ll begin the book of first Samuel and we’ll read chapter 1 verse 1 through chapter 2 verse 21 today. And we’re reading from the New English Translation, the NET Bible this week.

Prayer:

Father, we thank You for Your word. We thank You for bringing us into this new era in Your word where we will meet some men along the way. Right now, we are learning of Samuel. We were just introduced to him and as we take the journey forward and we learn of these kings, we will find so much of ourselves along the way. And, so, we look forward to that and the way that this mother, Hannah, gave her son to Your service and how, in spite of all of all of the evil going on around Samuel, he grew up righteous before You. And, so, we also look forward to all that You will speak to us through Samuel's life. We invite You to come Holy Spirit. Plant the words that were spoken in Your word into our hearts today and as we meditate on them we ask that You give us clarity and direction in our choices and decisions. Come Holy Spirit we pray. In the name of Jesus, we ask. Amen.

Announcements:

dailyaudiobible.com is the website, its home base, its where you find out what's going on around here. So, stay tuned and stay connected like I say every day because it's important. It’s important to know that we’re not alone on our journey through the Scriptures. It's important that we’re not alone on our journey through life. So, stay connected in any way you can, any way that you want to.

If you want to partner with the Daily Audio Bible, you can do that at dailyaudiobible.com also. There is a link, it lives on the homepage and I thank you, I humbly thank you for your partnership. If you’re using the Daily Audio Bible app, you can press the Give button in the upper right-hand corner or, if you prefer, the mailing address is PO Box 1996 Springhill Tennessee 37174.

And, as always, if you have a prayer request or comment 877-942-4253 is the number to dial.

And that is it for today. I’m Brian I love you and I’ll be waiting for you here tomorrow.

Community Prayer and Praise:

Hey Brian, hey Daily Audio Bible family. I am in nursing school and I am having such a hard time this semester. I am in my fourth or fifth semester I have one whole semester left after this one and I’m having such a hard time. I am stressed, and I am sorry. I’m stressed, and I am just trying to get through the finals. We’ve had a final every other day for three weeks now. My body is tired. My mind is tired but…but I want to push through. So, please pray for me. Give me strength. Give me…something. I will continue pushing forward. I’m not too sure whether or not this message will be heard or played but if it is, please pray for me and wish me well. I wish everyone else, you know, well as well. Not just for me, for my classmates as well because we’re all in this together and no one wants to be left behind. So, please send your prayers to me and my classmates in Texas. Thank you.

Hello friends this is Turtle from Oregon. I was listening to today’s podcast on May 4th. While Brian was claiming about God bringing a disruption to our lives there was a disruption in the audio and even though I’m sure it was unintended from a human perspective I think that God made a purposeful disruption to show us something…at least to me. He showed me His sense of humor for one thing. I love that about Him and He’s reminding us that disruptions are a part of life and in order to hear the right voice we have to keep our attention on the Lord God who loves us. Let us keep our attention on the One whose voice is truth. Lord, please help us to ignore the voices of the world and allow Your word to disrupt us and to lead us where we need to be, in a relationship with You. Thank You God. Thank You for this wonderful family. Amen.

Lord as I walk in your spirit today please keep my pride and my ego at bay They oft times surface and get in the way negatively affecting the things that I say lead me and guide me I don’t want to stray I long to be yours Lord I want to obey cause Satan is watching just waiting to slay being cut off from you God is too much to pay help me stay humble and spiritually led it’s not just the words Lord it’s how they are said and it’s not just the how Lord please teach me when if the timing is not right in then the message won’t get in the flow from my lips to the listener’s ear may inflate my ego but the listener won’t hear he’ll just get resentful and throw my words back anger will enter in and we’ll both go off track Lord what is my purpose as I go through this day that’s a rhetorical question Lord show me the way help me keep ego and pride out of the way Place on my lips Lord the right words to say help me walk upright and continually pray I want to be yours Lord come whatever may

blindtony1016@gmail.com. I’d like to give a shout out to Victoria soldier, Pelham and along with Molly and Anderson, and Terry the truck driver and Lee from New Jersey. I hope all of you are well. Know you’re loved very much, prayed for daily, and thought of often. And once again Brian, I thank you for this wonderful podcast for God’s Holy Spirit to flow. Keep it flowin’ y’all. All right. Bye-bye.

Hey you, yeah, you. Hey, I’m talking to you. Don’t be looking around trying to figure out…I’m talking to you. Why are you worrying? What are you worrying about…why are you worried? You know we serve a good, good Father who only gives good gifts, who commanded us not to worry about our lives. What are you worrying about? Whatever it is, God will take care of it. Correction, God has taken care of it. So, stop your worrying. You, by worrying, are not gonna fix anything. Name one thing that you worried about that through your worry was corrected. Instead, pray. Pray and believe and what you ask you shall receive.

[tumblunni]

OH FUCK I THINK I FINALLY CRACKED THE CODE OF WHY I ALWAYS LIKE THE VILLAINS BETTER

Like man it always makes me so confused cos i mean im a soft AF person and i always end up having sympathetic redemption headcanons for them so its not like i like VILLAINY ITSELF but what else do all these characters have in common?

Thats it. Thats it, ursula helped me crack it.

I just WANT THOSE TRAITS ON THE HEROES

I really want a nice confident sassy funny chubby trans auntie who promotes body positivity to our young hero and always gets to say the coolest lines and get the best moments and BE LOVED FOR WHO SHE IS

And like usually whenever you get anywhere close to seeing those "villain traits" on a hero they like.. Remove all the good parts. If you have a supportive hero aunt she's always boring and generically supportive instead, and has to look like the most stereotypical boring mess ans have a super small plot role and uuuugh thats IF SHES EVEN THERE i mean seriously aunties and grandmas are weirdly less represented as mentors than grandpas who are already REALLY HARD TO FIND and again OFTEN GENERIC AND UNFUN WHENEVER THEY GET TO APPEAR

And how damn often are we allowed to have a chubby gay aunt!! WHERE IS MY CHUBBY GAY AUNT!! ive met SO MANY chubby gay aunts in real life like 90% of all my psychologists have been either that or like.. The exact same but a straight lgbt ally instead. Sassy plus size aunties are THE BACKBONE OF OUR SOCIETY DAMMIT! I've had so much help thanks to sassy gay aunts!! And like even just looking at any damn crowd scene in a normal city centre youre gonna see so many chubby aunts and long nosed uncles and all those sorts of bullshit "ugly people" that mass media pretends are ugly and relegates to One Minor Role In The Entire Cast despite them being infinately more common than supermodels and NOT UGLY AT ALL GEEZ IT PISSES ME OFF SO MUCH

I cant believe im a fuckin disney villain fan cos of body positivity

Tfw u suck so bad at making hateable people that the fandom universally hugs all your villains and ignores your boring protagonists like fuckin TAKE THAT DIDNEY

God i wanna hug hades sooo bad he just needs a friend aaaaaa

And i mean its not just disney, every damn time ive obsessed over a villain its been because they have some trait thats supposed to be "bad" but its actually good and we dont get to see it on the heroes

Like my thing with science villains in particular is that when i first played ff7 i really liked the idea of an evil minion who's a bad sidekick not just because he's "dumb" or "bumbling" but because he's actually not interested in any of the evil stuff and he works against his own boss and is like.. Friendly to the heroes, i have no particular grudge against you and i wont stop you if im off duty and all. I liked the Turks for the same reason but in the origibal ff7 translation they were kind of stoic and serious and i didnt really become as much of a fan of them til i saw them being more goofy and comic relief in some optional sidequests and then their movie adaptation. But hojo was always being all "lol my boss's plan is so stupid amirite" and had that very memorable scene where he's just sunbathing and tells you everything you need to know to get to the next thing to ruin his boss's plan cos i mean fuck it who even cares im just here to soak up some sun while fully dressed in a turtleneck and labcoat. It sucked so much that he was such a reprehensible bastard with creepy sexual assault vibes and murder and child abuse and experimenting on people and basically just NOT A LOVEABLE VILLAIN but his CONCEPT held so much potential to be filled by a sympathetic character instead...

So yeah then cos of him i kept being obsessed with finding SOME CHARACTER SOMEWHERE that actually lived up tp that potential, and thats why i was instantly interested in charon from pokemon and totally on edge waiting for the slightest chance for him to become That Perfect Sass Gramps Of Legend. And then he was indeed sassy!! And had so little screenyime that there was potential for interpretation of him as potentially redeemable cos i mean the game never said he wasnt, the game barely said anything about him at all, lol. And he was so old and small and frail looking and i just wanted to protect him!! And then that one wifi event that actually hinted at synpatheticness!! Aaaa its a recipe for a Forever Fave~

And i guess maybe it all started with my grandma being awesome and me really missing her? Cos i had shitty abusive parents and she was my ONLY good family member who showed me what love was like. And she was also basically a supervillain. Like every damn supervillain trait except being evil! She was bombastic and confident and sassy and mischievious and loud and passionate about stuff and always had something funny to say and never gave up no matter how many times she failed. And she also used all that great power for the forces of good!

So yeh thats why i love sassy good guys and i hate that often even when a sassy villain gets redeemed they seem to lose all their edge and become more generic now theyre a good guy. Or they get totally sidelined with no screentime anymore, or they ONLY get to be comic relief and dont get the full and complex redemption they deserve. Or just a lot of bads!! Its never the simplest answer of just fuckin.. Keep the character the character. Thats kinda why i didnt feel too much for the maleficent movie even though the concept itself sounded like everything i ever wanted. The character in that movie is a very different person to origibal maleficent, she's more just a stoic tsundere mumsy figure than a hammy badass iconicness. Still a nice villain redemption but it felt like it would have been better as an original story instead of an attempted maleficent. Also i wish they handled it better with the whole "true love's kiss could be from your mum instead" thing cos i get sooooo grossed out whenever i see people shipping movie maleficent and aurora! Like yes sleeping beauty with lesbians would be great but not when one of them is old enough to be her mum and raised her like a mum and changed her goddamn diapers! Also why did they have to ruin the three good fairies just to make maleficent have the mum opportunity? Like just remove them from the story if you wanted maleficent to raise the kid instead. No need to rewrite them into incompetant assholes when they were everyone's fave part of the original! Dont sacrifice the rare and elusive Good Sassy Gay Aunts!! THEYRE LIKE THE ONLY ONES IN DIDNEY!!! (Incodentally merlin is the equivelant of this to hades as the fairies are to ursula)

Also also villains tend to have ACTUAL FLAWS in stories that have a more boring bland protagonist. I wanna see the story behind charon's neuroses and how he struggles with overcoming his temptation to be bad because of greed but ultimately manages to conquer his own negative side because power of friendship and such. Thats a great character arc that provides so much more than he does as a villain where they just wasted him entirely :(

SO BASICALLY IN SUMMARY

* villains are often more complex and well developed characters with flaws while the same wroter might make shitty heroes due to the illogical fear that nobody would root for them if they werent 100% perfect and successful at everything ever

* villains are also often made as negative stereotypes of minorities and other rarely seen traits, which means its easy to reach out to them and reclaim them as a more positive version when theres literally no other options for you to cling to

* the quite common accidental sympathy factor where a villain will seem to be hated more than they deserve for their actions, ir unjustly punished so much that they feel like an underdog, since the writer assumes you'll think theyre "more evil" for being a stereotype and if you dont agree that this thing is bad then it seems like they have way less sins than the story claims they do

* also sass. Sass is good.

But basically the whole root of it is that its stupid and cruel and doesnt goddamn work when you make villains bigoted stereotypes. It just makes me love them! The only person i hate when i see a stereotypical villain is the writer who thought that was a good idea, lol. Just imagine that meme of the samurai holding the cat but its me holding all disney villains!

Also even if a villain isnt outright intentionally meant to be "this minority is bad", it can still make me symoathetic to them if theyre still something thats rare amoung the hero side in the same series. Like charon being the "most unredeemable" villain despite being the most harmless and funny and his plan being so much less world destroying than cyrus, and also he's the only grandpa villain in like.. The whole of all. And he's drawn very much in that way thays supposed to be "ugly" i.e normal grandpa, vs that weird sort of younger than he looks grandpa that hero ones tend to be because blablabla beauty ewuals goodness anti body positivity whatever. Tho actually sinnoh was good with that, they had the best grandpa professor in my opinion cos he got to be sassy too! Rowan always reminds me of auron from ff10. Sinnoh was a good game where i liked a lot of both the heroes and villains even if i still had more villain faves cos i mean pokemon is always biased towards that for me since every game has a voiceless perosnalityless main character and often theyre the one doing most of the heroing with the supporting hero characters having surprisingly little proper screen time. Thats a big part of why i loved hau gladion and lillie in sun and moon! They felt more like a real friend group than any other ones before.

ANYWAY now im just going offtopic into more "i love lots of stuff about every pokemon game" so ill stop typing now

But just basically VILLAINS ARE GOOD COS THEYRE GOOD CHARACTERS and if those stories gavethe same character a good guy role then id still love them just as much, if not more. I dont specifically like villainy, its just that my definition of a good character is often considered a bad character by lazy writers, apparantly?

Also WHERE IS MY SUPPORTIVE GOOD GRAMPS CHARON GAME AND GAY AUNTIE URSULA GIVES YOU FASHION TIPS SMARTPHONE MMO

[juunshua]

thoughts on junhui and yanan's performance? i do kind of agree with hao when he said that there could be a tendency where yanan could be overpowered by jun and his role. and it did show in the performance... but god the concept of the stage in general? is so galaxy brain to me jkshafkjds its interesting that we see a lot of what goes on in junhui's brain junhui is so much more than a pretty face,,, tho i really do feel that yanan was overshadowed dsajhkjfd but the high note he belted out? legend

ahh did hao say that? i do agree that yanan was overshadowed, it was kind of already obvious from the previews though from their body language: junnie was obviously taking on a more leadership role. i must admit, as a jun stan, that definitely excited me. i dont recall a single moment where junnie has taken the lead in a musical endeavor, he was always passive for whatever reason. this might sound kinda...rough...but i think something about svt holds him back. back to the performance, though...same! i thought the stage was absolutely beautiful. to me this is what id call a ‘performance’. the way he combined acting with the music and singing was great. nothing was overbearing or felt unnecessary or out of place, which is something that i definitely felt with my i (it was ironic to me how a song that is about continuity felt so..discontinuous and truncated through that rearrangement). the composition itself was so bare at points! like not much is happening really its the same four chords more or less and the vocal melody itself is repetitive and predictive. thats how much the performance lied in the hands of the performance to make it interesting and i think junnie definitely pulled through. im not sure what the mission exactly was but two teams had to take one piece of music and incorporate it into another song? something along those lines im not sure about the exact nuances behind it but junnie and yanan did not really ‘weave it into the music’ perse? like i think the idea was to use that simple melody as a motif when u combined it with another song but junnie and yanan only had it playing from the record player. to me, i dont think that was a bad choice, maybe not what the show was expecting, but it wasnt a bad choice at all. it was interesting to see how they would tackle the ‘problem’ of that song and its interesting because the way that the melody was actually put into the song was as a plot point, almost something ud expect from musical theater. junnie is an actor through and through like the way his mind works is to see things as a story which i think is wonderful. if the mission was to incorporate two songs together  and combine it into one, they definitely didnt fulfill that goal, but if it was just to use two songs for one performance then i dont see anything wrong with what they did. one song was used as the main melodic push and the other song was used as a plot point to enhance the performance aspect of it.tl;dr this stage was GORGEOUS and i loved seeing what sort of things are going on inside junnies brain. as u said, hes not just a pretty face, and hes not just a silly person who plays jokes all the time. he is both but hes a lot more than that too and as a jun stan its been a struggle to get anything from him past those two things that he always pushes in svt. i was very very very thankful for this stage. it might be a rare once in a lifetime thing but i hope to god it isnt i need to hear his artistic voice in svt more please its absolutely wonderful.  and although yanans artistic voice could have been overshadowed, i do think theres something to be said about the person who can properly execute the vision of another artist like that is not easy either. must be something magical about the boy ahaha two of my fav stages have involved him (my fav from last weeks was his duet with jc). i cant wait for him to also unlease his magic and show the world what he can do! laksjdf under the cut is my interpretation of the stage and performance because i wanted to note it down somewhere ahaha

i think i read some translation somewhere that junnie meant for the performance to be like yanan as a spectator and jun as someone, i dont know how else to express this , but as someone who is 'losing their mind' per se? but to me it kinda seemed like two halves of a whole. perhaps yanan did start off as a spectator, and thats why the performance starts off with them either separated with a barrier or by space, distance, and direction. its right after junnie touches yanan that the record player starts playing again after yanan had stopped it at the beginning of the performance, and thats when he breaks it too. when yanan unmasks junnie its almost as if hes uncovered the other part of himself? like this mysterious masked figure just turns out to be himself in the end? its also after that part where they start singing to each other and gradually closing the space between them and even musically like did u notice their parts switched? the lines that junnie was singing in the first part of the song, yanan now sings and vice versa. they start becoming more and more unified as the song progresses, performance wise and musically as well. even the calm yanan gets a bit ‘riled up’ by the end of the song, you can see junnies persona seep into his own. but thats how i saw it. the wonderful thing about music is how open to interpretation it is. i think its these kinds of performances that are so open to interpretation that are even more musical imo laksdj idk how to explain,

[tskumoyuuma]

dub v sub zexal epi 4

theres a little bit I want to say about the changes, but first of all I think the sub I watched had some mistranslations ... ? cause when astral was doing his whole "opposite game" thing, the subbers just .. translated them as regular old commands ? like the subs said "dodge" when he was supposed to say "dont dodge", which was the whole point of the "u say right I'll go left" thing ..

but that aside, heres the differences I noticed :

again, the dub used their own summary intro which was far more longwinded than it needed to be. thankfully that didn't mean they had to cut out as many little scenes as they did epi 2, but it still got on my nerves a bit

of course class reps little speech about the dragon n Phoenix was far more awkward than it shouldv been cause of the complexity of how to translate something like that, so it made dub class rep sound like he didnt even kno what he was talking about

it was also .. far more obvious in the sub that the teacher wanted to get out of the duel w perfect life points, I mean he practically said it straight out, while in the dub astral just kind of figures it out himself. cant tell which version I like better, but I guess it might say something to the characterization of astral

but those were little things. the one change that stood out the most for me was actually said in the previous episode, but cause of the timing of the flashback, it gave the scene in this epi different contexts

it happens when yuuma loses so much life points that astral begins to fade. when yuuma asks why n astral explains that the life points n his life r connected, yuuma flashes back to what astral had said during their conversation by the bathroom

in the dub, astral says that failure isnt an option for him. of course, yuma pieces together that if astral loses, he really will be gone for good

but in the sub .... astral says that if yuuma loses, he'll lose something of great value. this is, of course, alluding to what the door said about the power behind it coming w the price of yuumas most important thing. and it clicks to yuuma for the first time that hey, this is serious

sub yuuma is far more concerned about astral, is even described as "melancholy" when class rep sees him after this little exchange while hes simply "lost a bit of his enthusiasm" in the dub. it just .. struck me far more in the sub, n even serves as the beginning of yuumas feelings for astral n maybe even his fear of losing that "important thing"

[uiruu]

i dont know the academic and philosophic and ideological terms for SHIT

but i know what i believe in, i know whats important to me

reading what other people said 150 years ago wont change that, itll just give more a better understanding of how to put into words what i already believe

or maybe help me find a belief that i didnt know i had, but that rings true with whats important to me. like imagine i never considered anarchism, but have always been against authority and shit, and so when i read about anarchism i was like “wooooahhh yeah that makes a lot of sense, i dig that”

like thats not a new belief i picked up, its just a new word for a belief i already have

i kinda think most people are like this, more people are socialists and communists and anarchists than realize it, and if they learned about that stuff they’d find it rings true with everything they value

so i dont think there is any required reading to be a leftist, in as much as i would never say “oh you havent read the entirety of karl marx’s capital? pshh fake leftist” because fuck man i havent and i never will. but i think its at least important to be always open to learn about everything in the world, and in this instance its important to at least learn about the various beliefs that are out there, so you can figure out where your innate gut sense is pointing you. i havent read all of the conquest of bread, but ive read like half of it (tho idk how much stuck with me) and ive read a LOT about it, and read a lot of opinions people have on it, and i keep up to date on current events and follow people who are fans of kropotkin and so see a lot of news and issues framed in an anarcho-communist way, so like............

ive been called anti-intellectual by some hardcore marxist-leninists (an identity i know just enough about to know its NOT for me) and their responses are always like “oh you think reading is bad? peak anarchist” or some shit

but isnt that kind of anti-intellectual of them? to say that unless you’ve read all the books on their fucking incomprehensible out-of-date fucking european-as-hell reading list, you cant have an opinion? thats bullshit. i dont like referencing logical fallacies cause it makes you sound like an asshole but isnt that some hardcore appealing to authority? karl marx isnt important to me other than that he said some stuff i guess i pretty much agree with. he said some stuff i didnt agree with either. though, maybe his use of the phrase “dictatorship of the proletariat” is sort of a poor phrasing and i’d have a different opinion on it if he used a different word than dictatorship. but anyway, like, marx and engels and even kropotkin and stirner and bookchin and goldman and all these names people love to throw around... 

i saw this tweet that sums it up

their names carry no extra weight with me. they’re just people who wrote stuff in the past. they’re comrades and people of a similar viewpoint to my own, but not heroes. 

this got longer than i wanted but my point is this: if they said something i agree with, then i agree with it. if they said something i disagree with, i dont have to try to like it just because they’re the all-important patriarchs and founding fathers of anti-capitalism. to say that only they hold the keys to knowledge is anti-intellectual. a person who doesnt speak any of the languages that their books have ever been translated into, and who has never heard of their names, could come to the same conclusions about what is the best way to take care of each other. are you gonna say that theyre irrelevant because they cant recite the opening lines of the communist manifesto? 

reading is good, reading is fine, but learning is more important. i do most of my learning not by reading long texts, because that’s not really an option for me. but i do the best with what i can do, and im open to the fact that i dont know everything and i want to always be learning. to say that theres only one way to learn a thing is just flat-out wrong. its not that im against reading these sacred texts, its that im against elitism. im against people telling me my beliefs arent valid because marx said this and mao said that. 

that kind of reverence for authority is exactly why im not a marxist-leninist. 

i know what i’m about and i dont need anyone else to try to tell me what i should or shouldnt think, i am against the idea that only those central figures understand it well enough and all your understanding should be gotten through them

this is why people say socialism and communism are hard to get into. because they actively push people out. even the fucking words “bourgeois and proletariat” are fucking bourgeois as hell, ironically. thats pretty fucking inacessible for people who hadnt ever heard those words before and especially cant pronounce them. it makes you sound arrogant to talk about dialectics this and vanguardism that and shit. those ideas are still important things to understand at least what they mean, but they can be expressed a lot easier in simple language.

this is a mess and i dont feel like cleaning it up. i’ll probably make similar posts phrased better later because this is something important to me. i strive to always try to find the simplest way to express these ideas because thats vitally important. 

anyway, fuck your heroes

[anothalovelyday]

script #1 [Mother Nature]

[ Mother Nature intro]

[swallow - my bloody valentine intro]

Howdy hey! Welcome to another lovely day

Today’s recording comes to you live from your eardrums, we often give credit to our speakers.. but try explaining that to the deaf… as all things are, this was recorded live, but by the time it reaches you, It’s just a ghost rehearsing lines of a time that is no longer. You summoned me with a tap or a click, and we’re here now.

So Welcome.

I hope all is healthy and well.. as we begin this journey, I invite you to take a deeeep breath through the nose.. allowing it to reach down into your belly and expand through all four corners of your chest.

(breathe in)

hold the breath a moment, and maybe give thanks for something you appreciate, possibly just the ability to breathe.

(Breathe out)

Once more with feeling! Try noticing the wave like quality of our breath. (Take deep breath: “Ebb” on inhale “Flow” on exhale)

Ahhhhh.. The oceanic air that tides throughout us all our lives, gifting the spirit of life, at no cost!

Take a little time now to whisper to yourself, “I love you, I trust you, thank you”… if you did, congrats! It takes guts to show ourselves love.. It’s so vital to take time to love yourself, any little amount you can give to show you you’re worth something to yourself, that you’re someone whose worth caring about.

You’re invited to keep the tide rolling as we progress into our journey

What a day to be floating in space, on the blue planet, lapis lazuli. corresponding with the light of the throat chakra. Our solar system could be the insides of a cosmic beast, our insides are pitch black too you know, and theres a plethora of fungi and micro organisms that live individually yet compose a greater whole that make up yourself, much like we the earth.

It’s an interesting relationship to think about, ourselves and the planet. especially when we mirror it to our own bodies. Our insides are composed of those mighty telescopic fellers, who I’m sure would consider us god if capable of such thought. How we treat ourselves through diet and exercise influence the quality of their precious lives, our kidneys have to WORK, our hearts have to FUNCTION, the fungi, bacteria, and other micro organisms all working to sustain that function. the organs could be planets, or countries to these little fellas. they communicate through neurons, but how that translates to them could be like the air to us, as the planets influence our air via earths electromagnetic fields a la astrology. So there’s a whole world within us, and we directly influence how that world functions and connects.

It gets interesting when you consider the earth, and how the trees look eerily similar to our nervous system, how the streams operate like our veins, and how we influence each other through the air with our vibrations, vibrations being the essence of sound, and sound being the source of our word, which influences our quality of life through our daily communications with one another. Which makes us kind of like the blood cells of the earth, We would be the air cleaners, the street sweepers, the ones who purify the waters and strengthen the soil, the guardians and workers of our dear mother. we’ve strayed far from our jobs of loving our divine host, but we can get together and figure out how to turn this ship around!

You’re invited to think now of the heart and how it pumps blood throughout the whole body and how blood influences the function of our organs. consider too the mental function of our hearts, it has it’s own set of neurons (as all our organs do) and acts as our truth center. This is important to remember as we consider the state of the earth.. our culture as of this recording revolves around consumption, we work so that we may consume, there are many reasons for this though none are worth getting into. We consume at a pace that hurts the planet, we consume recklessly, our creations are destructive. Big agriculture is killing the soil, our machines are polluting the air and water, we are making the planet sick, but we’re also making ourselves sick. we’re as chained to the planet as our insides are chained to us, which makes the DNA helix much more interesting. the ol’ ladder to heaven.

This being said, regardless of all the causes for the state of the world, if we change ourselves we begin to turn the tide. little acts of self love like the one we took earlier are great ways to help influence a better world! To vote with your dollar! To say “hey! It may cost a little more, but natural food is better for myself and the planet!” Consider that we were meant to share fruit, the earths fruit being what we know and our fruit being what we expel after consuming the fruit, which the earth consumes, to make more fruit for our fruit! The fruit exchange now explained, consider a moment how unhealthy food impacts not only your body but also that fruit, which then malnourishes the ground. We don’t even excrete outside anymore, or compost our natural fertilizer, it totally sounds strange, but consider the symbiotic nature of this planet, it gives us seeds so that we can grow food in the soil. our exhale is the earths inhale, and vice versa. When we die our bodies become the soil we eat from. Our pee becomes our rain, our rain becomes our pee. everything we have comes from the earth, through God. everything we give should go to the earth and ourselves which are one in the same

To practice self love, and love of our neighbor, to break away from the consumerist mentality would be to start a revolution unseen since digital outran analog. Painless and loving a revolution birthed of personal evolution, to help each other become more efficient, to find a better way to do the things we do now, to get to know our neighbors, to set aside knowledge for the gift of understanding. This way of the world is already partly shown in the way of it’s who you know not what you know, so we have some of the foundation already in place, we need only to expand the principle to our economics and ways of production. Friends helping friends help the planet, we can learn a little from the ants and bees in this way too. As above, so below, as below, so above.

What a life we could live, serving each other, ourselves, God and Mother Nature instead of corporations, governments and selfishness. it takes kinetic energy, energy we can create by loving ourselves and the ones around us each and everyday in whatever little ways we can. Life is like a jukebox, each day we rise and sing a song with the choir, our song being what reverberates from our hearts and into our waking lives, each interaction with another person has the potential to change the tune that person sings, be it temporary or lasting. If we rise each morning with the intent to sing a littler prettier, then the echos reach others and they hear the truth of your song, they’ll naturally start to sing it themselves, maybe changing a few chords, but keeping the natural beauty of the rhythm. This isn’t to say we need to be cheery, we need only to start becoming! Becoming our best version of ourselves, to find what comes naturally and own it, to aim for efficiency via personal power! Personal power is the most important power because it is the only true power. All other power is imagined, fragile, and fleeting. Within ourselves we have the most extreme power, the power of PERCEPTION how we see things, how we interpret the world around us, what greater power is there than that? Heaven and hell exist within our own minds, we can be fearful, we can be brave, its all determined by our attention.

It can be intimidating to know you’re in control of yourself, because a lot of the Time we see ourselves and see a big ol mess, but that’s natural, we’re taught to be a mess, to go against our nature and to not question why we feel so messy to begin with. Remember, we’re as chained to this planet as our insides are chained to us! When we hurt ourselves, we feel bad about ourselves. Even if we don’t recognize the behavior as harmful, our innocence doesn’t sway the side effects…

Let’s steer this ship back to harbor with a few final words. No matter what comes next, no matter what came before, you are essential to the function of this planet. You are powerful, how you act influences how others act, the world is a mirror, your energy is felt by people on a subconscious level, subtle science is the science of function, and it all comes through our perception, which we control. The little things add up! It starts with a ripple, then turns into a wave, next thing you know, there’s a tsunami of change! And it all begins with you, and me, and understanding we. Let’s start this avalanche with another deep breath in [breathe in] and out [breath out] small as it was, that there was a step in the right direction I reckon! The highest in me acknowledges the highest in you. Thank you for your time, Have a lovely day! [Swallow outro]

[identitycris1s]

im back

hi just thought id pop in with a status update! maybe i’ll break this down into categories. feel like im doing an email update (ew!) but this rly is probs the best way to structure this post...

work / school (?)

work has been....aite. idk what to say. idk if i have unrealistic expectations of what work is supposed to be, but the idealist in me thinks its wrong to not even try and find something that seems meaningful / is deeply fulfilling. i think im mature enough to get that work isnt supposed to be fun / exciting every single day but bro this daily grind / sense of dread / utter disinterest / feeling of futility / frustration / disenchantment surely isnt the correct state of affairs.....at least let me try and find something that is a better fit, thats more stimulating, that feels more NATURAL to me? i just dont think im cut out to be a lawyer. sure i sometimes like arguing and making my point and i like that everyone i work with is smart and interesting and generally kind and reasonable and i like the prestige of the job and feeling like ppl respect me and i like the decent pay and the humane hours but.....i feel unmotivated to be a good lawyer. i think i find it difficult / disingenuous to always 100% get behind my client and advocate for their best interests. i tend to see things from a zoomed out perspective, like WHY are we fighting, WHY cant we just settle, WHY are the claimants pursuing this absolutely crap and unmeritorious claim and WHY do we have to defend it when its stupid and bound to fail (cos access2justice i guess but still, WHY), WHY cant we just hash things out in a meeting instead of sending emails here and there and wasting time, WHY do we have to answer stupid questions, WHY WHY WHY

and i think public policy is sort of an answer to that....i think theres more questioning of why we do things and why a policy will or will not work, in a macro sense - what is good for society at large. whereas in law (at least in litigation) its how can we just move this case forward and help the client, which is often not the most productive thing to do in a macro sense - very much a zero sum game. i get that shitty / unmeritorious claims still need to be defended against and someone has to do it and I GET IT but i just dont think i want to be that person defending these claims...or bringing them for that matter.....ultimately i cant fully / sincerely separate the overarching sense of futility from the duty to do a good job.

sigh. well at least ive kind of figured out this isnt for me. which is scary cos being a lawyer in this firm is pretty much a career for life - truly an iron rice bowl, i could probably make partner in maybe 4 or 5 years and live a comfortable upper middle class life...but i cant bring myself to do that. i cant bring myself to not give myself a shot at doing something i actually find interesting, stimulating and that i care about deeply. call me crazy! we’ll see where this brings me in 5 years’ time....:) 

anyway most ppl at work (at least in my team) know that im most likely gonna leave soon. i rly only told 2 ppl (my boss cos he had to sign off on my testimonial and G cos she was quitting anyway)...but somehow ppl found out one way or another. i dont rly mind and ppl have been taking it pretty well and have been kind and encouraging (i guess why would they not take it well, im hardly indispensable) but i get a bit antsy thinking - what if i dont get in...then what? do i just put my head down and continue here (BUT IM SO SAD) or do i just quit without any prospects and try to find a policy-ish job??

idk. will have faith that God will put me where I need to be. he is in control of it all and I BELIEVE THIS !!! I am just a bit scared that his plan is different from what i  think i want....but this is just my human instinct and i know in my head that there is no reason to be scared cos his plan is always the better one. head knowledge just needs to translate to heart understanding and real trust / faith.

ermmm relationships...???

i started using...cmb...idk why i find this so cringey. i guess about a year ago i couldnt imagine doing this and i kept thinking EW what if ppl i know see me and they think im a desperate saddo who cant find a bf irl and has to resort to an app EW shes so lame and ugly and gross. and i realised that is so stupid no one actually thinks that way and its very backward and dumb and insecure of me to be thinking that. and anyway as i get older i rly dont quite give a shit what ppl think of me (at least i tell myself that....)

i suppose i was also inspired by csm who has been quite actively using apps and meeting ppl and taking real..strides..(LOL) in her dating life. i used to tell myself hey God will provide u with a mans if he wants u to be with a mans. but also God can use an app to do that...and if i dont step out in faith that he will do something and i dont take any action at all, how is God gonna work?? should i sit at home and expect a man to fall into my lap??

for some ppl it has been way easier, e.g. my parents meeting in uni and falling i love. i always wanted that - the organic relationship, the meet-cute, the friends to lovers thing. (i guess i tried that last one before and it didnt work...) but i think theres no point in romanticising relationships anymore. thats a very modern thing to do and its not necessarily a good thing? like who’s to say a relationship that had organic beginnings is intrinsically better than one that started from an app?

anyway i havent had much luck haha i think its hard to find genuine GCBs (or maybe theyre just not attracted to me....) although recently ive been talking to this one guy B for a week or two and its been...ok i guess. hes rly nice and seemed cool at first - we talked about travelling and hamilton and the office, which was a good start. he is thoughtful and kind and doesnt seem to be put off by my very slow replies (he replies so fast......its stressful a bit) and he does the whole good morning text thing (which i frankly find a bit bizarre, we barely know each other..?? and ive never even met him irl.. but its sweet i guess :))

but DUDE his english seems to be not great - at least thats the impression i get from texting him. which is an issue for me. i dont want it to be BUT IT IS...first red flag was when he said some weird thing about not wanting to wear a mask at work (not a literal mask - like he didnt know if he could be his ‘true self’) and the wording was very strange. then he said “the weekends are almost here” ?? the weekend is not a plural though? then he used the wrong tense a few times and his apostrophe usage was wrong (”Gods’ love” - bro there is one God). he also uses way too many commas which irks me.

i mean i get that text is supposed to be an informal medium - come on look at this post, there r hardly any capital letters and plenty of short forms and hardly any apostrophes but u see its CONSISTENT and its obviously cos of laziness / convenience - but i think his problem is a bit different...u can sort of tell if someone doesnt have a 100% strong grasp of english. those r basic grammar mistakes man...i get that i sound petty and stupid and this isnt a huge deal but i feel like im settling by even talking to him cos this is not something i wld normally tolerate but hey maybe im getting desperate with age :(:(:( urgh 

on the other hand maybe i just need to be more generous with ppl and l have an irrationally high standard for english cos i am a lawyer and my friends all speak well / text well?? maybe im just being too nitpicky?? honestly hes very nice  and communicative and straightforward and seems mature and very God-fearing and idk why hes still talking to me cos ive been a bit cold and slow to respond. hes very patient which i dont rly deserve.....i myself have a million flaws that are probably way worse and egregious (ahem PRIDE...ahem ego....ie the source of this dilemma in the first place...) so maybe i should just close one eye abt the bad grammar.

i also realised how fked up i am - confirmed my suspicion that i am naturally attracted to emotionally unavailable ppl / ppl that just seem distant / out of reach (thats my avoidant attachment style right there). i think there was one day he didnt text me at all and omg...i couldnt stop thinking what i did wrong...like did i piss him off by being too cold for too long...did he get scared off cos i said i wanted to do a masters (idk this seemed like an irrational leap but i was being irrational)..then i started being nicer to him and replied more promptly hahaha turns out he was just rly bz at work that day. omg this pattern is real i think i did this with xj also - was eager to speak when he was in japan but after meeting irll i was just over it... (i am drawn to distance like a moth to a flame and i am repelled by availability like....a fire by a fire extinguisher (??)). yucks i rly hate myself sometimes but yknow what at least im self aware and im trying to fix this...kind of.. gonna hash this avoidant thing out with my therapist at the next sesh.

on the topic of xj i got a bit nostalgic and wondered why we stopped speaking (surprise surprise it was my fault, didnt reply then felt it had been left to long to pick it up again...) went back to look at our texts and aw we rly got along so well, i do miss him as a friend and im sorry about how poorly i treated him especially in dec 2018 / jan 2019 sigh.....i was a real bitch....

anyway im just gonna see how things go with B... if he asks me out i prob will go... just to give it a shot. update if / when that happens!

EDIT - he asked me out lol we shall see how it goes.