#finds himself out of depth

[cherrynika]

They’re watching The Great British Bake Off when Charles finally asks. Here we go, he thinks, there’s no turning back. 

“You’ve been masturbating in the shower. You did it just now.”

Sebastian narrows his eyes and looks at him, no longer in his happy state of enchantment watching granny number 2 bake her ‘famous Victoria sponge’. He puts down his little moleskine, where he had been jotting down her tips. Things are getting serious. Charles should be afraid. He feels his heart speed up, this is the good part.

“And how do you know this?” His German accent has almost been washed away by life in the paddock, but the arch tone keeps things interesting.

“You didn’t wash all the cum away and I felt it under my feet. It doesn’t feel like water.” He stops for a moment, he wants to see Sebastian’s reaction. 

“Well, I’ll be more thorough next time.” Sebastian loves awkwardness and embarrassment even if he insists he doesn’t so naturally he continues. “Is that all?” The notebook has been abandoned. Charles grabs the pen and caps it, the couch is upholstered in beautiful white linen, the old lady who rented the apartment to him had a long story about how her daughter had sewn the cushion covers herself. 

“I don’t want you to do that. I want to satisfy you. How can I satisfy you whenever I’m around?” 

The little wrinkle between Sebastian’s eyes wiggles around. He’s obviously trying to turn this oddly shaped idea around in his head. “Well you can’t. You’re not up for it when I want it. No, let me finish,” he says as Charles opens his mouth, “I can tell. You’re playing with the computer or the sim, and sometimes you pretend to sleep.” 

“I don’t pretend to sleep.”

“No you do, sometimes you’re lying in bed with your phone and when I come close you close your eyes and do this.” He rests his head on the back of the couch in a very fake impression of Charles sleeping, eyes closed and uneven deliberate breathing. Indeed it is obvious when someone is pretending to sleep. He used to do that when he wasn’t in the mood to play with Arthur on Sunday mornings. To his surprise Sebastian is smarter than Arthur was. “Just let me jerk off when I need to. We have sex twice a week if it’s a race weekend… I think that’s normal.” 

And on the off weeks--nothing. Hangs in the air. Charles considers. He’s perfectly happy on those weeks, using the sim, shopping at Le Metropole with Lorenzo, making up for lost time with all the pants and sneakers he could only admire as a boy, encouraging his friends to hit on strangers at the clubs. 

“What do you do when it’s not race week?” He’s not sure if he wants to know the answer. Sebastian had never asked him not to find other partners, in turn he felt like he couldn’t ask either. 

“Jerk off.” He’s turning red which is strange and new. They’ve seen each other in every stage of undress. Perhaps there are still parts of Sebastian on the inside that he’s never touched. “I’m going to jerk off anyway. Why does it bother you so much whether it’s because we’re not together or because you’re not in the mood?”

“But is it enough?” 

“Charles, I don’t know what you want to hear. Do I sit with my dildo beside me,” he waves in his Charles’ direction,  “and watch TV for an hour before asking it to go to bed, and put it inside me, and then prop it up on the pillow for a chat before I fall asleep? I don’t. And if you must know I prefer you. But it’s what it is. You’re in Monaco, I’m in Bern.”

“Doesn’t it bother you that we’re in Austria for the whole two weeks and we hardly…”

“No. Yes. It would be nice if we could… more. But I know you’re tired. Please just let me watch this. I’ll be fine.” He picks up the pen and notebook again. On TV they’ve moved on to the system administrator whose matcha chiffon is stubbornly failing to rise. 

Sebastian tries to take notes as the judges discuss the failings of the cake but he’s doing it half-heartedly as though he were thinking about something else. Charles knows this because he’s writing verbatim, as though his ear were connected to his hand, the way he did in briefings when he was upset, none of Mattia’s feedback actually connecting in his head, silent and wishing it were over. 

Tired isn’t how he’d describe himself. He strokes the space between them, the rough weave of the linen is just slightly unpleasant but he can’t touch Sebastian’s hand. He’s upset his balance and needs to let his internal gyroscope settle. 

The light and noise of the TV washes over them like a numbing balm. 

When they slide into bed he waits for Sebastian to touch his waist or the back of his neck but he doesn’t. It feels disappointing, like a play when the gun gets waved around but doesn’t go off. Something’s wrong. 

[vanderdyks]

I literally dont know how to continue explaining to people that part of the reason Goku decided to stay dead was because Gohan hated fighting.

He didnt know this until cell. He literally had no idea. Gohan NEVER gave any indication whatsoever. Couple that with the fact Bulma pointed out most of people threatening the Earth during that point in time were all people wanting Goku. The saiyans. Frieza. The androids. Doctor Gero. Cell.

All because of Goku. Its not his fault but his very existence consistently put the Earth in danger. He truly believed Earth would be safer without him and therefore, gohan wouldnt be consistently placed into battle.

Because Goku didnt know gohan hated fighting. But once he knew came the very interwoven nature of these threats he brought making his own son fight because gohan felt he HAD to. Not because he wanted to. For goku, protecting the earth always aligned with his own love for fighting. But gohan fought out of necessity, out of the very idea that they couldnt afford to do it without him. He has this power he didnt ask for so he must use it right? Because it would be selfish if he didnt.

But goku... goku thought gohan was like him. Gohan WANTED to return to help fight vegeta. He WANTED to go to namek. He WANTED to stay and fight after piccolo almost died to frieza. Goku didnt see gohan train that first year. Didnt witness what it took to make gohan a fighter. All he saw was his son who now was strong and wanted to join the fight like his dad. And he knows gohan is more powerful than them, knows he can stop cell, FELT IT. Gohan has to defeat cell because no one else can. So he thinks if gohan gets angry enough fighting cell, itll be the answer. Because thats how its always been for goku. And in thirty seconds piccolo makes him realize he's wrong. He doesnt argue back, he listens and concedes and realizes that piccolo is right. And suddenly goku wants to abandon his plan and stop the fight. He made a mistake. He intends to get gohan out. And in the end, he still ended up being right, but it doesnt change what goku now knows. Gohan isnt like him and he doesnt enjoy fighting.

Goku would have NEVER made gohan fight if he thought he didnt want to. You know this whenever adult gohan gets involved in a fight and goku apologizes that he had to. Or when someone suggests gohan for a battle and goku is like nah he's "out of practice," even when they have time FOR PRACTICE. He never wants to force gohan into a situation like cell again. Because cell was a mistake and goku has learned from it. So he never asks Gohan to fight anymore. If Gohan wants in then of course he's in. But he wants his son to be able to choose that. He wants gohan to be HAPPY and if thats not fighting then thats perfectly alright with goku.

So it wasnt just about keeping the earth safe. Or his friends. It was knowing that in the safety of gokus absence, gohan wouldnt have to fight either. There would be less threats, less chances of his son being forced into battle. And sure he also trusted that gohan and the others could keep the earth safe if they had to, but he was banking on the threat level significantly decreasing instead.

And decrease it did. They had seven whole years of peace. Not a single threat. Meanwhile from the moment Raditz shows up to gokus death to cell, it all takes place within the span of FIVE YEARS. The longest they went without a threat was the three year gap spent training for the androids. And they spent every waking moment knowing they were coming.

And then if you look at trunks future... majority of the human population being wiped out by the androids. Majority of gokus friends. His son. All dead. Because of him. Because he defeated the red ribbon army when he was a child. And that very easily could have been their future as well. So Goku does his job in preventing that. He saves all of them. And if hes the only one who ends up dead, well... it doesnt matter. Because they aren't. And he intends to keep it that way. So he stays in otherworld, to keep them safe and to give his son a future that he can choose. If Gohan has to fight, then he can. But at least his father wouldnt be the one bringing the threats to his door.

[carefulfears]

one thing that stands out to me about the IVF arc is the way that, for as much as i make fun of her for asking her coworker if she can have his babies, scully asking mulder to be involved in the biggest process of her life (and the most important thing in the rest of her life) is such a healing and reverent experience. like he says “i’m absolutely flattered,” but it’s so much more than that. it’s like…spending your whole life feeling like you should’ve died at age twelve and then being told someone just wants more of you, more and more and more, in everything.

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

everybody stay with me im shifting back into speculation & analyzing mode, this time about everybody's favorite pair of besties. ill put this under the cut for everyone's sakes

and please, take all of this with a Hefty grain of salt.

so ive been... thinking about a thing. a maybe-possibility. which if this has some merit, the part of me that loves characters having a good time and feeling good feels is screaming in fear. but the louder part of me that loves angst and hurting characters is rubbing its little fly hands together.

short version: i think Barnaby is going to emotionally distance from Wally, if not outright grow to resent him. maybe temporarily, maybe not.

full version: *cracks knuckles* strap in folks. so.

first of all, an entire chunk of Barnaby's bio is dedicated to his character relation to Wally. everyone else only has one-off lines dedicated to their relationships to other neighbors - even Frank & Julie just have single sentences about each other (note that they're described as "partnered with" and "depicted with" respectively. more on that soon). even Wally's bio has his Barnaby mention tacked onto the end of his first paragraph instead of being its own dedicated section

and then there's their character designs - their bios explicitly point out that they share characteristics; color schemes, hearts on their soles, similar outfits.

they were made to be best friends. literally. this quote is what made me start turning this theory over in my mind (sourced from @ /theneighborhoodwatch's collected & absolutely fascinating livestream trivia)

it appears that Barnaby literally did not have a say in whether or not he and Wally are friends. their bios even say "illustrated pages note that they were best friends multiple times." they have to be best friends.

which brings us back to Frank & Julie. they briefly reference each other in their bios, but they aren't described as best friends. it's incredibly likely that they were meant to be a romantic couple - i briefly covered that theory in this post (dont read the first one i was going insane) but they managed to avoid that. Frank and Julie defied the script and chose to be best friends instead.

and then in the trivia document a few more character relationships are briefly touched on, like how Howdy considers Barnaby a close friend, and Sally considers either Barnaby or Poppy as her closest friend, etc.

everyone else seems to be choosing who they're close with. they're forming their own opinions and dynamics and relationships. & its interesting that Barnaby is stated for both of these - as if implying that he may return the friendship feelings, or at the very least he's developed enough of a relationship with them to earn their affection

Barnaby and Wally... i doubt they ever got that. they were best friends from the start, no development, no choice. it's written into them.

and then there's how their relationship has been portrayed so far. i believe i saw an ask where Clown stated that Barnaby is very polite to Wally, which struck me as odd. have you ever had a polite relationship to your best friend? have you ever seen best friends be polite? i'd be surprised!

best friends mess with each other! they tease and rib and roast! what is a best friend for if not mutual tomfuckery?! jesting around? playfully pushing boundaries? a Polite best friendship... that's a straight up oxymoron. no such thing. that sounds boring and exhausting.

not only that, but the fact that Barnaby is often used for Wally's painting segments, and is the go-to guy for teaching Wally something new, is kind of concerning. it gives me the vibe that a big part of Barnaby's literal reason for existing is to be Wally's friend & guide.

which would make the fact of him being described as polite to Wally make sense. of course he's not going to push their relationship or try to deepen it - he's forming his own dynamics with the other neighbors. with Wally... it's already established. that is how they are with each other. that is what they are to each other.

and it's not like Wally can be the one to introduce nuances. i don't mean that as a slight or anything - he's just the way he's been described and the things stated about him that make me think that he wouldn't really... know how to? it just wouldn't occur to him. he probably thinks his and Barnaby's relationship is what a best friendship is and is how it should be.

but they have to hang out. they have to refer to each other as best friends. and while i believe that Wally does wholeheartedly think that they're best friends, close as can be... i doubt Barnaby feels the same. like - yes, he probably does care about Wally. everybody likes Wally.

but it's gotta be frustrating for Barnaby, especially as time goes on and he becomes more himself as a person over just being a character playing a part. it probably stunts his relationship growth with others, since his ~best friend spot~ is already taken and who would want to encroach on that? especially since its taken by Wally mcfuckin Darling?

their friendship might become less of a role and more of a responsibility. Barnaby might grow to feel obligated to stick with Wally as his "best friend". someone invites Barnaby to hang out and/or help with something? sorry, he has to pose for Wally's painting. Barnaby is trying to do his own thing? sorry, Wally is knocking on the door and asking for help with something.

i wonder if Barnaby ever hopes that Wally will go to someone else, or feels relief when he does. and then does he feel irritation/guilt over that denied hope or that granted relief? then does he get angry at himself for those emotions?

how would this effect how he treats Wally and acts around him? this confusing muddle of emotions and this strange growing resentment for his painfully earnest friend who only ever means well, if he means at all.

it makes me curious whether or not this theory has merit. and how this could come to a head. what would Barnaby, in this situation, do if/when he discovers that they're puppets on a set, and he's literally written to be Wally's bestie while everyone else changed their scripts and chose their own relationships.

personally, i don't think he'd be happy, and i doubt he'd handle it well.

[moophinz]

In the book, Destiny of a Dragon, we’re given brief descriptions of Nishiki, Kiryu, and Majima’s tattoos. Despite the lack of extraneous detail, I do want to draw attention to the mentions of jealousy. Tenacity and the madness the Hannya symbolizes are obvious givens for his character, but the note of jealousy isn’t one I would have ever expected to see brought up in official material.

The two most suspicious examples I can think of something leaning into jealousy are the ways in which Majima talks to and about women that Kiryu is close to.

Majima says this to Kiryu in the first game. It almost sounds like a thinly veiled warning. He brings up nothing about himself even though, if I’m not mistaken, the English dub begs to differ there. Ultimately, it feels a little off to say something of the sort.

In 2, everyone makes comments on the assumption Kiryu and Kaoru are together. They’re typically not the rude kind, but nevertheless, people have something to say. And none of them have something more to say than Majima himself who gets slightly heated about it. He’s quick to prod Kiryu about her after she calls him a “who or a what.” Kiryu denies the assumption, but Majima continues his catty behavior.

He feels bratty about it until he expresses concern for Kiryu’s apparent taste in women being that she’s a cop, and they are kind of criminals. That doesn’t stop him from being a bit snide later. He uses a more mean pronoun when referring to Kaoru in his… attempt at “flirting” with her. She’s not tickled pink by any of this.

[kittykatninja321]

There will never not be something as fucked as the fact that Damian and Dick not only share Bruce and Dick's age gap but also the fact that Dick became Damian's caretaker at the same age Bruce became his... like... that's just wild.

bro got trapped in the cycle fr fr

[bookwyrminspiration]

Edward, approaching Bella of his own volition: if you were smart, you'd stay away from me

Literally! Bella's just trying to live her life, adjust to a new school after moving to be with her dad, and this fucking guy! Is just all over the place!

Bella has far more patience than I could muster. And then putting up with him for the rest of her life ?? Well. If I got vampirism out of it, maybe. But I feel like there's easier, less infuriating ways. Hitting up Alice or something--maybe Emmett.

[incorrect-ikevamp-quotes]

You are seriously my favorite blog right now. You opinions and meta for ikevamp are so spot on. You somehow are able to flush the characters more than the canon. I just wanted to say I appreciate all the time you put into your writings and I love everything you have written so far!!!!

In Comte and Leo we trust 🫡

Aww, thank you so much! 💛💛💛

Honestly I have no control over the brainworms, I feel like Ikevamp is so saturated with implications that extrapolating becomes so much natural fun for me. I started writing and analyzing (with no supervision to stop me, big mistake) and I'm still so fascinated with it. I can't believe it's been almost what...four years? Five years? Since I started playing the Japanese version where this all began. I'm frankly flattered a lot of people agree/like my takes, it makes sharing my work really rewarding in ways I never expected~

I don't always have time for more than Comte thirsting and silly quotes these days, but you're more than welcome to enjoy what I've curated here! I imagine I won't stop shitposting until the app is discontinued, and even then I'm not confident I'll shut up 🤣🤣🤣 Comte's the best baby girl I've ever known lmfao

o7 PUREBLOOD STAN OR BUST HELL YEAH!

[fionnaskyborn]

one day when i am not busy dying on the inside and out i will write an honest-to-god essay about how people are, for the lack of a better descriptor but simultaneously for the lack of a more perfect one, too edgy about five.

[billystoilet]

i know i’m a few days late and unfortunately i’m a very slow writer so i couldn’t make an official oneshot. but chainshipping father’s day. Lawrence would take the day off from work and spend the day with Adam and Diana. activites like going to the park, getting ice cream, watching movies at home. they end the day with a nice dinner that Diana helped Adam cook. Lawrence didn’t get a lot of time spent with Diana, only having custody on the weekends after the divorce, so he was more than grateful to remember that father’s day was on a sunday. (he’s sure Alison would’ve let him have Diana on father’s day regardless, but it’s nice not having to deal with the fuss of getting off their schedules during the week) After dinner, Diana had rushed to her room to grab the card she said she had made for Lawrence earlier that morning. she had refused to allow neither Adam nor Lawrence to enter her bedroom once she got her art supplies out. Adam just wished he had his camera with him when she came out of her room with the biggest smile on her face (her missing front tooth sticking out like a sore thumb) a messily wrapped box in her arms with two cards sitting on top. she handed Lawrence his card first, receiving a kiss on the forehead from him, then she had turned to Adam and handed him the other. Adam sat stunned, he hadn’t expected Diana to make him anything for father’s day, let alone address him as such. Lawrence watched as Adam opened and read the card, tears beginning to form as he read over ‘You’re the greatest step-dad ever! I love you, Adam! p.s. you’re the cooler dad’ in her sloppy handwriting. Adam had wrapped his arms around Diana and did his best not to let the tears run and ruin her dress. he needed to live up to the ‘cooler dad’ title. Diana handed them their gift next, their heartstrings being pulled at the writing on the top. ‘To Daddy and Dad’. they unwrapped it and underneath was a decorated picture frame with a photo of the three of them together that Diana had taken herself. after learning Adam liked taking pictures, she wanted to be a photographer too, so for her birthday Adam saved up enough money to buy a starter camera just for her. after hugs and more than enough ‘thank you’s, they relaxed on the couch and watched another movie before Diana fell asleep between the two send post

[bisexualbuckleyy]

i don’t trust people who hate the coach beard episode of ted lasso

[trickstercaptain]

It felt so strange, to be tongue-tied like this. Usually he was excellent at conjuring up seemingly sincere phrases, not to mention extravagant flattery. He’d told Melinda that he loved her any number of times, because she seemed to like hearing it, even though she undoubtedly knew better. Yet here he was, lucky Jack Sparrow, facing the first woman he’d ever really cared about—and there were no words, no words at all.

       this passage from tpof really does haunt me though, because one of the hallmarks of Jack's character is that the more words he uses, the less you should trust him — and vice versa. he's eloquent and charming and flirtatious when he wants to be ( or more accurately, when he wants something ), and because he taught himself to be as a fundamental means of getting attention in the absence of any from his primary parental figure ( Teague ). it's one of the many masks that Jack created when he was younger that has effectively become part of his integral personality and he probably couldn't separate out from himself even if he tried.

       he tells Melinda that he loves her because it "seems" that she liked hearing it, which I just find such an interesting word to use — as if Jack's not even really sure why she likes hearing it ( this is a boy who has yet to discover what love is lmao ) or why she entertains it when she obviously knows that Jack only uses it because he thinks she wants to hear it rather than because he actually feels that way. it's also interesting that he showers her in flattery anyway because, given the nature of their dynamic and this interaction that Jack has with sex ( which is always transactional due to the nature of the world he grows up in ), Jack pays to have sex with her. I imagine Melinda is way more concerned that Jack pays her rather than telling her he loves her ( although the latter I'm sure is a nice bonus, don't get me wrong ), but Jack chooses to do this anyway when it is not a requirement of their relationship. and you can argue that Jack may do this to help smooth things over when he unintentionally pisses her off ( this is certainly one of the reasons why he does the same thing with Giselle and Scarlett in the trilogy ), but I personally think that 20 year old Jack is way more likeable than movie-era Jack ( or at least less of a scoundrel lmao ), so there is ultimately less of a need for Jack to do this to offset any of the more unreliable and flighty parts of his personality.

       so then it begs the question of why Jack does do this, and I think it feeds into the idea that he is way more of a people pleaser than you might think, particularly in certain circumstances. as said above, Jack tells Melinda he loves her because he thinks she likes it when he does, because it makes her like him more ( and from their interactions in the novel there is no denying that she is fond of him, more so than her other clientele although Jack doesn't begrudge her for taking other clients seeing as he's smug and his usual flirtatious self, not jealous, to catch Melinda in bed with Barbossa lmao ). for a boy starved of affection and attention, that's a benefit. it's a learned behaviour that if Jack says these things, he will get the attention he wants, and that leads him into a lot of the difficult situations he winds up in where he makes all of these declarations of love and promises ( even of marriage, as to Giselle and Scarlett ), all because he doesn't want to break things off and tell them what he really feels, and then ends up feeling suffocated or anxious and flees from the entire situation. it takes until the end of AWE for Jack to express his blunt and honest opinions to Giselle and Scarlett, and he reels off such a list of things that he clearly had to bite his tongue over that he had clearly been entertaining them both for a while without audibly complaining. considering that Jack is obnoxiously blunt to just about everyone else that he encounters, this is really interesting and proof imo that if Jack likes you, or actively wants you to like him, he is susceptible to people pleasing to a certain degree.

       then there's the fact that, when it's real emotions, Jack can't bring himself to speak at all. this isn't necessarily because Jack doesn't know his own feelings, but is because he either doesn't know how to express them or is inhibited by his own anxiety over it. I always try to talk in vague terms about Jack and anxiety because it is an undeniable part of his psyche, but in no verse is Jack ever going to get or seek a diagnosis. but love and vulnerability undoubtedly make Jack anxious — to the point where it can actually physically inhibit him, in the sense that he doesn't know what to say or that he overthinks what to say or that he is too afraid of the reaction to what he might say, particularly if it is deemed inadequate or doesn't match the other person if they are way more open about their own feelings. this also shows a willingness not to lie, either, seeing as there clearly is a desire to express his feelings or be open with the other person, or else he wouldn't be anxious and would just shut the attempt down immediately, or fall into those people pleasing patterns and tell the other person what he assumed they wanted to hear ( and there is a degree of that present — for instance if someone tells him they love him, he will instantly assume that they would expect those words in return, and will inwardly berate himself for not being able to say it ).

       I think quite a lot about how Jack can alleviate this within the context of a relationship, and while the very obvious solution is simply to be patient with Jack and let him work on expressing himself and his feelings when he has had time to process and is in a calm state of mind. but I also go back and forth on whether Jack has an easier time expressing himself in the written word rather than the verbal one, particularly given that the anxiety seems to stem from a fear of being perceived and being rejected. obviously Jack wouldn't want anything written to be perceived either lmao, but he is an eloquent writer and an ardent reader, and it would give him an outlet that wouldn't trigger his anxious brain :')

[paceypeternathanslawyer]

Unpopular opinion but Stefan in a lot of ways is just as manipulative as Myra and he he is bad as Daniel Wallace. The difference is that Stefan is smooth and can charm his way into getting what he wants. This man tried to scheme on Laura twice. The first time when he tried to switch places with Steve. I mean first of all, did he think Laura wouldn’t know the difference considering that she has known Steve since Kindergarten? She knows Steve better than anyone so that was his first mistake. Then the second time is when he schemed with Myra. Stefan my dude, Laura is the easiest most understanding person there is and you think you have to tricks up your sleeve to win her over? Then the first time, he asked her to cuddle after Carl’s friend was shot. “Now that the storm clouds are gone care to cuddle up to a ray of sunshine?” Then when they were in the basement and Laura was wearing the red dress, it was her Stefan the music and the couch. No adult supervision, just them alone toasting their “love”. He also proposed at Disney World, in front of everyone and they weren’t even out of school yet. Stefan is a silver tongue a smooth talker and he thinks he can charm his way out of trouble. Eventually Laura grew tired of his flakiness. She matured past the smooth talking man she fell for. Steve smooth talks some but he is also honest and he isn’t scared to tell Laura off. That is another reason picked Steve over Stefan.

[orcelito]

FACE. IN MY HANDS....

i just saw the interaction with dohalim and fahria

ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow

[mariocki]

Infinite list of favourite lyrics: 217/?

O. V. Wright - Everybody Knows (The River Song) (1965)

"I am so miserable,

I am so tired.

Oh, I just sit on the Mississippi River

And watch the fish swim by.

My life is so confused,

But I don't wanna die;

I wanna go to heaven,

But I'm scared to fly."

[fateopposed]

someone teach aizawa magic please kthxbye