#finelinevogue ficmas

[finelinevogue]

love, actually

summary - you’ve grown the most comfortable around Harry

pairing: husband!harry x reader

word count: +1.4k

The first time you'd met Harry you pretended to be someone you're not. Not in the sense that you faked a secret identity, but more the way you acted was nothing like your actual self.

He had taken you to a nice restaurant in the centre of New York.

Both of you were sat at the table, under dim lighting and a busy ambience. The whole place smelt of burning wicker candles and fresh food being cooked. Harry had been a true gentleman so far, kissing you on both cheeks upon arrival, helping you take off your coat and pulling out your chair for you. The way he acted made you question your own mannerisms.

Instead of slouching back on the chair to read the menu, you sat uptight and cramped your back instead. Instead of slightly man-spreading, you sat with your legs crossed. Instead of taking out your ugly glasses to read the menu, you squinted to read the words instead.

That was mistake one when a plate of seafood arrived in front of you.

"Y/N, do you want to try some of my burger?" Harry asked politely, but you didn't know whether he was just asking out of kindness and didn't really want to share his food, "I'd love to try some of your seafood. It looks.. Lovely."

"Y/N, do you want to try some of my burger?" Harry asked politely, but you didn't know whether he was just asking out of kindness and didn't really want to share his food, "I'd love to try some of your seafood. It looks.. Lovely."

You didn't really notice the pause between his words because you were too focused on how pretty he looked when he talked, but you said yes regardless and the two of you swapped plates to try each others food. What you didn't realise was that Harry had purposefully asked you whether you wanted to try some of his food because he could tell the moment your seafood arrived that it was your worst nightmare.

He'd never tell you that he actually hated seafood though.

After you'd repeatedly made sure he was okay with swapping foods, you scoffed down, as politely as possible, the rest of his burger. The fries and potato salad were added bonuses.

It was after you'd finished your meal that you regretted putting on such tight trousers. They were squishing your stomach and you wanted nothing more to open the buttons on your trousers to let your food baby breathe, but you were in a very posh restaurant trying to make a good impression on Harry - so button closed it was.

"I've had a good time tonight." Harry smiled at you from across the table, holding his glass of red wine in his hand.

"You have?" You said instantly, the words falling from your lips before you could stop them. "God.. Sorry. I didn't mean it like that. I just.. You really had a good time, with me, tonight?" You made yourself flustered trying to recover.

"Hey, Y/N." He reached his hand across the table to intertwine with yours, his thumb very subtly caressing a soft swipe against your skin, leaving butterflies in their wake, "You have been the best part of my evening."

And he left it at that. You thought he'd have picked up on the silly things you'd commented on or actions. Instead, he only looked at you as brightly as the flame from the candles were burning.

Now ten years later, everything had changed.

“Babe!”

“Yeah?” You shouted from the lounge where you were putting on Michael Bublé’s Christmas album onto the surround sound. 

“Shall I take the roasties out?” 

“Um,” You looked down at the timer on your phone. “Five more minutes, then yeah.”

“Okay.” 

You walked into the kitchen to see Harry in his Christmas apron, which covered his Christmas jumper and blue denim Gucci jeans. He had a clip in his hair to make sure his hair didn’t annoyingly fall into his eyes whilst he was cooking. 

Standing a little away from him, you mentally snapped a photo of this moment. Him cooking away and the starting sounds of Michael Bublé echoing through the house. 

He smiled when he caught sight of you. You had left him in charge whilst you went to change into a nicer dinner outfit. It was date night, but the Christmas version and so you had decided to make a Christmas dinner between the two of you and get dressed up just to eat it on the sofa with ‘Love Actually’ playing in the background. 

“You look beautiful, love.” His charm still worked on you after all these years.

“I’m surprised I still fit into these trousers.” You ran your hands down your thighs, before giving Harry a twirl of your outfit. The trousers were the same ones you’d worn on your first ever date with him and the jumper was the perfect Christmas jumper ever purchased. It had a picture of Harry on the front that said ‘All I Want For Christmas Is Harry Styles’ too.

“That jumper is awful.” He laughed, coming over to you to hold you.

“What do you mean?” You laughed back, in fake hurt. 

“At least you got what you wanted.” He winked and you rolled your eyes, snaking your arms around his neck whilst his went around your waist. 

A warm sensation cam over your chest at the anticipation of him leaning down to kiss your warm lips. You hummed a soft laugh when you finally got to taste him on your own lips, scrunching one of your hands a little tighter around the scruff of his neck whilst his hand on your waist held a little stronger. 

You could feel him smiling into the kiss, making you smile back and lose touch with this lips for a moment. 

“Stop smiling and let me kiss you, y’pest.” He told you off.

Both of you regained momentum and were greedy for one another lips. Both of you wanted to taste each other as closely as possible, tilting your heads from side to side as you explored each others soft lips over and over again. 

Then your silly potato alarm went off on your phone, breaking you away from the kiss and reaching to turn it off. Harry cussed the potatoes for ruining you moment together, flushed cheeks, before going back to the oven to get the potatoes out. 

Plating your dinner, you had never piled so much food on a plate before. You couldn’t even tell what was at the bottom, but you didn’t care because you were hungry and you were so excited to get tucked into your first Christmas dinner of the year. Harry’s plate looked very similar to yours, only he had the veggie equivalent of the meat you were having. 

“Y’want another Yorkshire?” Harry asked, holding it with his fingers.

“Obviously.” You said like he was silly to ask, receiving it on your plate with a happy grin.

“Anything for that smile on your face.” He said, before pouring gravy all over both of your plates.

Halfway through eating your dinner you let out an internal burb, no doubt due to the Shloer you were powering through drinking, excusing yourself before resting your half eaten dinner on the table in front of the sofa.

Both of you had cosied up on the sofa, a soft glow from the warm coloured fairy lights and array of candles filling the room, whilst ‘Love Actually’ was playing on the TV. 

“Full?” Harry asked.

“Just need my food baby to breathe for a second.” You said, whilst undoing your trouser button and zip until your little food pouch was showing. 

“Aww. What are we calling them?” He prodded your stomach, making you laugh from how cold his fingers were against your warm skin.

“The Accident.” You replied making Harry laugh.

After you’d finished dinner and made it halfway through the movie, you left your plates on the table and you’d collapsed into Harry’s lap. Your head laid on his legs comfortably, whilst he kept a hand ahold of your stomach like he was protecting all the contents of it. He too had to open his jeans button and you had poked fun at his snail trail that started at his belly button. 

“Oh this bit breaks my heart every time.” You pouted, watching Emma Thompson act perfectly on screen.

“I would never do that to you.” Harry promised, pushing his hand off your forehead and back through over hair, leaning down to leave a quick but loving kiss to your lips - even if you did both taste of a roast dinner.

“I know. And neither would I.” You promised him too with a small smile.

“Think we love each other too much.” 

“I agree.” You nodded. “We make a very good pair. We definitely make the best, most stomach-filling Christmas dinner. And we always have the best evenings together.”

“And you’ll always be my favourite part of it all.”

[tpwkwriter]

☃️❄️Tpwkwriters December fic recs 🎄💫

It’s the most wonderful time of the year!! And these fics will certainly most make you feel more festive and cosy! All credit goes to these writers and accounts, as normal my DMs are always open, if anybody wants to be added/removed from this completion let me know!

As usual lots of love and stay safe this winter ❄️🩵

——————————————————————————

Gingerbread kisses- @finelinevogue

Christmassy kisses- @finelinevogue

Holidays with Harry- @harrysfolklore

Wife material- @harrysfolklore

Let it settle- @twostepstyless

We’re matching- @twostepstyless

Christmas cookies- @jarofstyles

The perfect tree- @storiesforallfandoms

Gifts- @tinydestinybear

Christmas Eve- @fictionalwh0ree

Baby it’s cold outside- @watermelonlovershigh

This Christmas- @leveller-75

Matilda- @goldenbuckyyy

That’s my apron- @glitteredrry

Christmas dance- @astranva

Christmas in Holmes chapel- @nationalharryleague

I gave you my heart- @suchalonelysunflower

Baby it’s cold outside- @watermelonlovershigh

New home for the holidays- @1025cherrystreet

This- @sapphicgarlic

This- @kissme-hs

The Christmas gift- @hesmygolden

Christmas spirit- @crowdedimagines

Christmas morning- @afeb

Winter flakes- @oghoneytryst

A dad!harry Christmas!- @lovecanyon

Snow plow- @lovemepleaase

Holiday wishes, mistletoe kisses- @berrynarrybanana

Baking made easy- @harrysgloves

Frosty the snowman- @gucciwins

25 days of Christmas- @emotionally-imbruised

Underneath the tree- @all-things-fic

It’s not Christmas ‘til you come home- @tobesolonely

Christmas lights and love bites- @mouthfulloftoothpasterry

Santas grotto- @musicforastylesrestaurant

One year- @watchmegetobsessed

12 days of ficmas by @watermelonlovershigh

25 day advent calendar by @twostepstyless

Christmas Thyme- @ihearthes

Part 2- @ihearthes

———-☃️❄️Happy holidays to you all 🎄✨————

~💚~

[finelinevogue]

distant promises

summary - Bucky has been on a mission for a long time and you miss him

warnings: insomnia, long-distance relationship, swearing, Christmas sadness (only slightly)

pairing: boyfriend!bucky x reader

word count: 2k

Bucky had been gone for 6 months now.

He was currently on a mission in the French Alps, taking down some military base that had connections to HYDRA. The mission meant a lot to him, not thanks to having been tested on and tortured with over a multitude of years. It had taken him a while to be comfortable with who he was and rid himself of the Winter Soldier. You could see him coming accepting himself for who he truly was more each day. He wasn't afraid of who he was anymore and it was an honour to have helped him through that. 

It was currently 1 in the morning and you still had yet to fall asleep. You had been finding it harder and harder to fall asleep as the months went by without Bucky. It certainly didn't help that you were taking extra shifts at Starbucks, in order to pay off some debts you owed to banks and Bucky. 

Bucky kept telling you to cut back on the shifts and let him pay off some of your debts you owed him too much already that you couldn’t justify anymore. 

So insomnia it was.

You honestly couldn't think of what you'd done to deserve him.

You honestly couldn't think of what you'd done to deserve him.

Turning in bed to check your phone, you started scrolling through your Instagram to like photos on your dashboard. There were some pictures of friends who were out clubbing, singing Christmas songs at the top of their lung. There were also some celebrities posting magazine shoots and as always there were the cat accounts that you religiously followed.

You were scrolling and liking for about ten minutes before you had an incoming call from Bucky.

"Hey Buck." You sounded surprised that he'd called you. Normally it was too risky to call since he didn’t want anyone to track his phone and give away his location, but here he was.

"Hi babe." You could hear the smile in his voice.

"What's up?" You asked as you snuggled further under the warmth of your fresh, clean, duvet.

"I saw you were active on Instagram, but I know it’s really early morning where you are so I just wanted to make sure everything is okay?" 

Knowing that Bucky kept tabs on what time it was where you were was just one of the small things he did which meant a whole lot more than anything his money could buy you. 

"Yeah everything's good.” Buck stayed silent as you answered, knowing there was more to it. “It’s, um, just that I wish you were here with me." 

"Oh darling, I miss you so much. I promise you it won't be long before I see you next." Now it was your turn to remain silent. "Y/N? Please don't cry darling." 

“Sorry.” You sniffled, getting yourself worked up over something so trivial.

"Hey, no. Don’t apologise. I have to go really soon love, but I'm not going to hang up until I know you're alright."

"No need to worry about me Buck. I'll be alright." You tried to say as happily as possible, but you knew Bucky would catch on that what you were saying was far from the truth. 

"Babe, you know I worry about you constantly." He laughed.

“Like literally ALL the time.” You heard Sam shout in the background, making you laugh.

"Is Sam there?" You asked Bucky.

“Yeah. Y’wanna say hi?”

"Mhm." 

"Y/N I can’t deal with this emotional softie anymore." Sam said without a hello.

“Emotional softie? Are we sure we’re talking about the same man?” You teased Bucky, knowing that he most likely had you on speaker phone.

“The bionic-dude right?” Sam made himself laugh and you heard a grunt from what sounded like Bucky punching Sam. You rolled your eyes over their stupid playfulness, before Bucky came back to the phone.

"Yeah, that's enough of that.”

“Surprised you two have kept each other alive.” You laughed to Bucky, eyes feeling heavier now that you’d safely heard from him.

“Barely.” You shuffled again in bed. “Okay darling, I have to go now. As much as I don't want to I'm gonna have to love you and leave you. Just promise me you'll try and get some sleep?"

“As long as you promise to come home for Christmas.”

"I promise." 

“Then I promise too.”

"I love you." Bucky just kissed the microphone to make it sound like he was really kissing you. You kissed yours back and you both stayed on the phone for another minute as you wrapped up your goodbye, before you attempted some better sleep.

•••••

Needless to say, when you woke up the next morning you felt awful.

There was still no surprise Bucky waking up next to you. There was a lack of smell on his side of the bed where he should be sleeping. There was no mess on his side of the room or whistling from a silly tune he’d make up. 

It was going to be another day without him and with only a few days until Christmas, you were starting to lose hope on spending it with him. 

Your scheduled alarm went off at 7am for your morning shift. You aspired to open up your own cafe one day and so you wanted to get the knowledge of how business operates and be able to tackle customer experience first hand. That’s why you worked in Starbucks. You were also taking an online degree in finance and business, to help you for when you open your cafe.

You got ready by putting on your black jeans and the Starbucks t-shirt. You threw on your basic vans and grabbed your bag before going out the front door to work. Starbucks was about a 30 minute walk from your shared house. Normally Bucky would drive you, because that's the gentleman he is, but because he hasn't been here you've been walking to work. It’s mostly a pleasant walk, but you hate having so much time to yourself and your thoughts.

Your manager told you that you'd be managing the shop floor today, meaning you had to give all the employees individual jobs, whilst help make the drinks and also be in charge of the tills’ money. It was going to be a stressful, but worth the experience. 

Plus, anything to keep your mind off Bucky and how he was doing

It had been about 2 hours into your shift and you'd managed to get through with no complaints, so you’d given yourself a break. You weren’t feeling hungry just yet though, so you just got a cappuccino and went into the back office for your 20 minute break.

Not even 3 minutes into your break one of the employees came in.

"Hi Y/N. Sorry to disturb you but there's a customer out front who wants a manager to complain to." 

This was a reason why you didn’t want to be a manager all the time, because you were really bad for getting upset when someone shouted at you. 

"Ok. Thanks Nina. I'll be there in 2 seconds." You wiped your hand around your mouth to make sure there's no froth left behind and then went back out front. "Nina, where are they?" You asked her, as you couldn't see anyone obvious who looked like they wanted to complain.

"Umm..." She scanned the room. "Oh, that gentleman sat by the window over there." She pointed to a man who had his hoodie slightly pulled up and was looking out the window. 

Walking over, you wiped your clammy hands on your red apron because as much as you put on a brave face sometimes social interactions gave you anxiety. You took a deep breathe before being prepared to get screamed at. Why anyone would want to scream and shout this close to Christmas you didn’t understand. Where was the Christmas joy? 

"Hi. I'm Y/N. My colleague said you had a complaint?" You asked politely. 

"Yeah I just wanted to complain that this cup of coffee is not nearly as good as the one that my girlfriend makes at home. So, why is that?" He turned around to you and took down the hood from his head and sunglasses off to look directly at you.

You took a step back, reaching for the counter to support yourself from fainting in disbelief.

Bucky was in your Starbucks making a "complaint".

You covered your face with your hands as you sunk down to the floor crying. You were so shocked that he was actually here that you didn't even know how to act. He laughed at as he stood up from his chair and slowly walked over to where you were crouched down on the floor.

You stood up and looked around to see customers and colleagues smiling and Nina was filming the whole thing. "You knew! Oh for fuck sake!" You cry-laughed, as you pointed at Nina.

"Surprise?" 

You just shook your head. You could hear Bucky laughing at the whole situation - a laugh that you'd missed more than you'd allowed yourself to believe.

"Do I not get an ecstatic run, jump and a hug from my girlfriend?" Bucky joked, holding his arms wide open for you to be engulfed in.

"You're a knob!" You joked at him, shaking your head because you couldn't get over he was actually in front of you.

"Sam said you'd say that!" 

You slapped your hand on your forehead when you actually realised what was going on. "What the actual fuck? You're really here?"

"I'm worried it's taken you this long to realise it, darling!" His arms were still wide open. 

You laughed as you ran and jumped into his warm and loving embrace. You wrapped your arms around his neck and legs around his waist, whilst he wrapped his arms firmly around your waist to support you from falling. You started to cry again whilst inhaling his sweet cinnamon scent. He just smelt like home. "I'm going to have go on missions more often if it means I can surprise you like this!" He said, but you were too busy crying over the fact your best friend was back in your arms.

"You're actually here." You whispered into his neck.

"I am, love. I am right here." He whispered back to you, pressing a multitude of kisses to the side of your face. "I'm always going to be here." You didn't care that he was being the stereotypical smushy boyfriend, right now you were just glad you were back with each other.

You let each other go. Bucky wiped your tears away with the sleeve of his hoodie and kissed your forehead.

"I've still got like 2 hours of my shift left." You said, wondering what he's going to do now.

"Yeah, fuck no. I spoke to your manager and she was more than happy for you to go home early. With me, obviously." 

"Really?" Your eyes lit up over the thought of spending the rest of the day glued next to him.

"Let's go home and get some well deserved sleep for a change." He took your hand and squeezed it, just once more for reassurance that he was home with you.

[finelinevogue]

winter solider, literally

summary - it’s your first time seeing snow and Bucky is more than happy to enjoy it with you

warnings: a lot of fluff basically, that’s it.

pairing: boyfriend!bucky x reader

word count: +1.2k

Thinking back, maybe you shouldn’t have run and jumped on top of an ex-asasain whilst he was sleeping.

Now that you were pinned beneath him he had finally come around from his sleep. Since sleeping next to you he had been getting long, peaceful, nights of sleep. Sometimes, like today, he wouldn’t even notice you climb out of bed and rustle around because he was sleeping so deep.

“Wha.. Why are dressed up like the Michelin man?” He asked, blinking his eyes because he thought that they were deceiving him.

They weren’t. You were wrapped up in over eight layers of tops and trousers.

You pushed him off you with ease, trying to fight your way off the bed with the heaviness of all your layers. Bucky sat back on the bed, letting the duvet pool around his waist and let the cool air reach his bare chest. You paused to check him out for a moment, before remembering what you original intentions were.

You pushed him off you with ease, trying to fight your way off the bed with the heaviness of all your layers. Bucky sat back on the bed, letting the duvet pool around his waist and let the cool air reach his bare chest. You paused to check him out for a moment, before remembering what you original intentions were.

“Babe...” Bucky rubbed a rand over his eyes as he tried to wake himself up more.

“Come on!” You said excitedly, throwing a coat at him and heading towards the door towards the hallway.

Bucky watched you as you trotted off out of the bedroom in all your layers and waited for his mind to catch up. He was too confused and awake to go back to sleep now, even though it was just past seven in the morning according to his bedside clock. 

“This girl...” Bucky whispered to himself, shaking his head as he smiled. 

He got himself up and ready, putting on a few layers but not quite as many as you obviously had. Being a super-soldier came with its perks during winter. He was the Winter Soldier after-all, literally. His body didn’t react to the cold temperatures like a normal persons would, which was beneficial in situations like this where his girlfriend was dragging him out of bed at the coldest point of the day. 

“Bucky!” You shouted from downstairs, making him follow your voice. 

He rounded the kitchen door from the stairs and saw you stood by the bi-fold doors, ready to go outside. They were already open and you smiled brightly as you awaited him to join you. 

In the time he had taken to get ready, you had put on your snow boots and added a scarf, hat and gloves. You looked absolutely adorable and Bucky smiled some more over seeing you standing here. He let his eyes take you in and reminded himself that this moment was yours to share and you were all his for as long as you’d have him. 

The outside was blinding white.

Last night must have brought snow, since there was a couple of inches snow settled on the ground and even more flakes falling from the sky. It was serene Christmas scene and you at the forefront of it all, melted Bucky’s old frozen heart. 

He never thought he would have moments like this in his past life as the Winter Soldier. He never thought he’d be able to survive the winters, constantly being reminded of who he is and what he’s done. But meeting you changed all that. You changed his winters to become something worth living for. You reminded him that the Winter Soldier was who he was, not who he is. In this moment and all the ones after it, he was Bucky. 

For someone who showed him how to love winters, you’d never actually seen snow until now. Bucky knew that of course, which is why his tired brain was catching up to the point you were at now whereby you were insanely excited over the falling snowflakes.

“Stop looking at me and let’s go!” You laughed, letting yourself outside and treading into the snow. 

“Yeah.” Bucky said to himself, smiling as he watched your face full of wonder as you took in the snow around you.

“This is so beautiful.”

“Mhm.” He nodded in agreement, watching you watch the snow fall. 

If ever he needed a moment to pull him out of a dark place, he was prepared to remember this one for a long time to come. He wanted to go back and get his phone to take a few photos of you in this happy moment, but he also didn’t want to miss a single second of it. Choosing to stay he would later thank himself for, because the happiness in yours eyes would never be truly seen from a camera lens as well as his own eyes. 

“Come on Buck.” You urged him to come closer towards you. 

He wandered over towards you, where you’d walked to the middle of your garden now.

Once he’d gotten close enough you decided to have your fun with him and push him backwards into the deep snow. He shouted your name as he fell back, but all you could do was laugh. He hit the ground softly and left an imprint with his body. 

He couldn’t even be mad when he saw that smile on your face. 

Before he could even pull you down next to him, you fell backwards yourself. He sat up a little to spot you to make sure you wouldn’t hurt yourself. When you landed with a poof and stuck out your tongue to catch some snowflakes, he knew that this would be a day you’d always remember. 

“I can’t believe that freezing cold snow could make me feel like this.” You said and Bucky turned to look at you as you kept on watching the falling snow.

“Yeah? And what’s that?” He asked.

“Alive.” You turned to face him and smile. 

He softly nodded and leaned over to try and kiss you, but before he could press his lips to yours you shoved a pile of snow in his face. Your jaw dropped at how much you’d actually thrown and instantly felt bad, standing up in case he retaliated. 

“Oh baby. Y’should know that snow fights aren’t something you’d win against me.” He chuckled to himself evilly, before standing up and lunging for you. 

You screamed as you dodged him and ran to the side. Bucky continued to chase you as you drew zig-zag tracks in the snow. You turned to look at how close he was, screaming again before taking a U-turn in your movements and running the way you’d just come. Bucky grunted as he missed you again, before taking a chance and lunging to one side you could dip to. 

Once you took the turn you thought Bucky would be behind you, but he appeared in front of you instead. You screamed again as he took you by the waist and through you to the ground. Bucky couldn’t find it in him to throw snow at your face or even bury you completely beneath it. Instead, he straddled his knees around your waist and leant down so his nose touched yours.

“I won.” 

His lips were on yours shortly afterwards, moulding the soft pink of his lips against yours. You let yourself lay on the ground as his hands guided you through the kiss, pressing himself into your slightly as he kissed you a little harder. Your face and heart warmed up instantly and you couldn’t be more grateful that you’d lost before now.

“You win.” You said through shortness of breathe after Bucky had pulled back.

“With you this happy, I always win.”

[finelinevogue]

don’t break my heart this year

summary - you break up with Harry but you live to regret the decision

warnings: self-deprecation, breakup, anxiety, family death, depression, but also fluff and a happy ending, i am one with hurt-comfort fics :)

pairing: ex-boyfriend!harry x reader

word count: +7.2k

It hadn't even been a year since you'd broken up with Harry and yet it still haunted you.

There wasn't a day that went past where you thought about how your life could've been so different if you had of stayed. If you had talked everything through with Harry. If you had been that little bit stronger. If you had given Harry a chance to explain how he felt.

Your breakup with Harry wasn't like most. Neither of you had cheated. Neither of you had fallen out of love with one another. Neither of you had stolen off the other. You had simply moved back home, to take care of your widowed mother and had lost contact with him. Your mum lived up in the top hills of Scotland, meaning the signal was dire. If you wanted to call anyone, including Harry, you'd have to drive at least 50 miles before hitting service.

It wasn't fair to keep Harry waiting days on end, just to have a five minute phone conversation with you. It wasn't fair that Harry couldn't see you because you lived so far away. He deserved so much more than you could give him. He deserved someone he could come home to each day, after work, and shower him with endless love. So you did what you believed was the most mature thing, and broke up with him. You drove all the way down to London to explain it to him in person, feeling like he deserved that much from you. He didn't take it well and neither did you. You left before he could ever really tell you how he felt, not having the courage to stay.

Since that day, you hadn't spoken to him. You knew it would hurt too much if you did.

Your mum wasn't doing well. Two years ago your dad had passed, due to heart problems, and your mum had taken it very hard. She was not in a good place, mentally, and you knew she needed someone to look after her. Being an only child made times like these hard.

Life had been hard recently, and it didn't seem like it was getting any better.

All your time was being devoted to looking after your mum that you hardly had any time for anything else. You were trying your best to study at online university whilst holding down tough hours at the local restaurant. Your average day would be 9-5 at university, but dipping in and out to help aid your mum in anyway you could. Then from 6pm until, normally, 1am you would work in the local pub. It was quite the drive from your mums house, but the money was needed.

In recent weeks it had gotten tougher. The work load from university had started to ridiculously pile up, to the point where when you finished at the restaurant you'd have to stay up until 5am just to finish off some readings or essays.

Your mum was worsening too. She no longer liked going outside by herself, because she was worried the "big, bad, world" might snatch her up just like it had you dad. You promised her she was okay, but she'd lost a lost confidence in herself and the world she lived in. Having a conversation with her was harder too - almost like you were losing her mentally.

All you could think about was how Harry was doing. Was he okay? Was he dealing with the breakup well? Or did it not really bother him at all? He was constantly on your mind, invading your every thought and you wished to have a moment away from him sometimes. Only sometimes though, as he quite honestly was the only thing holding you together at the moment.

As much as it pained for you to admit it, you truly hoped he'd found someone else - someone better. You knew the possibility of ever seeing him again, let alone being with him again, was shattered the moment you walked away from London. You'd left your heart with heart with Harry that day and you would be dammed if you gave it to anyone else. It was his to keep - even if he was unaware of its presence.

Tonight was just like any other night. Until it wasn't.

The pub owner, Patrick, your boss, had put you on an even longer shift today. It was getting closer to Christmas and the locals tend to come to the pub more often, sometimes even bringing relatives and friends from around the country. So today you didn't finish until 2am, having started at 5:30pm. It was tiring after a full day at uni.

You'd finished serving Alan and his friends their third round of beer for the evening, before getting back to cleaning up. It was getting close to closing time and you were beyond ready to go home now. Your mum would hopefully be in bed, but if not that would add an extra hour on before you could go to sleep.

Alan and co. luckily ended their night after round three, thanking you for your impeccable service as they left noisily.

The other staff members, who worked alongside you, had left ten minutes ago or so, claiming they had to be up early in the morning and so had to head off. If only you had the courage to say the same. You'd love to get off a little earlier, but it just wasn't practical.

As you were stacking chairs the front door chimes went off, signalling that you had a new customer. It wouldn't be an employee or Patrick because they'd all use the back entrance.

"Oh, i'm sorry we're closing." You explained, not looking over your shoulder to see who'd entered. You were focused on wiping down tables to rid them of alcohol stains, and flipping the chairs over to balance them off the tables so you could wipe the floor.

You didn't hear the sound of the door opening and closing again. Instead, you heard his voice.

"All this way and you wont let me even have one drink?" He teased you, making you freeze in your motions.

You turned around cautiously, prepared for anything because it could just honestly be your mind playing tricks on you. Maybe you were losing the plot, not your mum. How wrong you were, though. So, so wrong.

There he was, all warm and loveable. Nothing had changed really. He had a little bit of stubble, clearly proud that he had finally grown some facial hair. His curly locks were piled underneath his infamous Green Bay Packers beanie, the one you'd bought him on your trip to New York. His cheeks were a little rosy from the cold winters eve, explaining why he was also layered in clothes.

"Hi Harry." You warmly smiled, feeling a small red burn creep onto your cheeks now. You were nervous stood in front of him again and you didn't know why. It was just Harry, after all .

"Hello." He replied the same way he always does upon meeting someone. You felt like you had to shake his hand or something to break the awkward barrier you'd built, but you didn't.

You were so caught up in the beauty of him that you completely forgot you were being rude.

"Oh, i'm sorry. Would you like that drink?" You offered, after clearing your throat and dusting down your clothes, even though the last thing you wanted to do was make another drink this evening.

"I was only messing, love." Oh how you'd missed him calling you that. The mere sound of it again sent butterflies straight to the depths of your stomach. He made you feel like life was on an eternal rollercoaster and it was one that you'd never want to disembark.

"Well, I-I can't serve any food past—"

"In not here for food either." He shook his head softly, maintaining the comfortable distance between you two. The last thing he wanted to do was make you feel uncomfortable.

"Oh. Um, then what service do you require? Are you lost, um, because we have a phone out back that—"

"I'm not lost. I'm exactly where I need to be." Harry cut you off again, a habit you'd always found annoying but now found endearing. It was like he knew your thought process better than you did. He knew what you were going to say before even you did.

"How did you even find this place?" You asked confused. You had trouble finding this place and you grew up here, so how Harry has found it was an incomplete puzzle.

"I have my ways." He smirked his signature cheeky smile, the one which you'd fallen in love with. The one you were still in love with. You laughed and shook your dead at his idiocy but also his gentle humour. You really needed it after the past few months you'd had. The past few months that you caused. The ones that broke the perfect man standing in front of you.

"Irene?" You questioned your mothers name, not being able to think of another way he'd know your location.

"Irene, yes." Harry laughed at how quick you were. "How is she?" Harry continued, wondering if she was any better from the last time you'd spoken to him about her.

"Not good." You nodded your head and tried your hardest to smile, although it felt very unconvincing sat on your face.

Harry nodded too and you knew it was his way of silently telling you that he was sorry and that he hoped everything would get better. You were having a hard time believing him though. "And you?" He asked, stuffing his hands in his coat pockets to warm them up. He didn't understand how you were only stood there in a tshirt and cardigan, on top. Your tights and skirt were nice and toasty warm, but you were chilly up top.

"Okay, yeah, um you?" You quickly brushed past his question, not wanting to delve deep in to your feelings with him right now. Harry could tell you weren't okay though, no matter how much you told him otherwise.

He noticed the tired eyes. He noticed the stressed brain. He noticed the ever-slimming figure. He noticed the messy hair. He noticed the irritated and scratched skin on the top of your wrists. He noticed the way your hands were slightly shaking and your teeth were barely chattering. He noticed it all even when you thought he didn't. You weren't okay. He knew that much and you knew it too.

"Been better." He truthfully admitted, making you feel worse than you did before. You couldn't do right for wrong and it was slowly exhausting you.

"Mhm." Was all you could reply with, not having anything else to say because he'd heard it all before when you'd gone to London. You stacked the last few chairs and a thick blanket of awkward silence filled the air. You didn't want it to be awkward, but then again you should've thought about that before breaking up with someone you could never stop loving.

"What are here for then, Harry?" You wondered, moving behind the bar to maintain a distance between you two. You decided you'd sweep the floor tomorrow, instead of tonight, just wanting to escape from this shithole now.

"For you." He firmly put it, not sugar coating anything but just providing the honest truth.

"Oh-uh," you cleared your throat again, not sure how to continue the conversation, "any particular reason?" You stupidly asked, as if you didn't know the reason he'd travelled hundreds of miles to see you.

"Well it wasn't to come and shout at you, you'll be happy to hear." He joked, but all you could do was breathe a huge sigh of relief. You don't know whether you could take the hate today, even if you did heavily deserve it.

"Yeah, that is good to hear!" You joked along with him, but knew that wasn't the tone of what he wanted to talk about either.

"Hey? How about we get out of this dark and saddening, beer smelling, pub and go somewhere a little more fresh?" Harry offered, telling that you were desperate to get out of here and literally go anywhere but here.

"You have somewhere in mind, Mr Spontaneous?" You teased him, knowing that he will be useless in finding a good spot out here. There were plenty of good hideout spots, you just have to know where to find the best ones. You'd proudly been to them all and you used them as a place to seek the calm amongst the eternal chaos.

"Actually, I do, Miss Know-It-All." He teased back, earning a stuck out tongue on your behalf to him. He was such a little prick sometimes. "Go get your stuff and let's go."

"Okay." You bit your lip in excited anticipation. This could be either the best night in your life's history, or the worst.

Running to the locker room gave you the opportunity to let out a breath that had been wildly built up inside you, without even realising. Harry was actually here, let alone in the pub but actually in Scotland. Harry had been in contact with you mum, just so he could travel across the country to talk. God knows about what - or maybe it'll be about who he's now with. You were just so incredibly happy that he was here. For so long you'd built up this idea that it would cause a war if you ever saw him again - that he'd get angry at you - but it was nothing like it. If anything, he was being overly gentle and cautious around you - like he was afraid that he'd say the wrong thing and you'd make a run for it again.

The crew room reeked of sweat and it didn't take long for you to start feeling sick because of it. You quickly grabbed your overcoat and your bag before heading back out to the main restaurant area. Harry was sat at the bar, aimlessly tossing a beer mat between his fingers. He didn't even notice your presence he was that caught up in his own thoughts.

"You ready?" You timidly asked, internally asking yourself the same question. The answer was an indefinite no.

"If you are." He nodded and warmly smiled at you, assuring you that this was okay and it was alright to feel nervous. Hell, he certainly was.

"Okay. Let's go." He let you guide him to the door, like the gentleman he is, stopping to let you turn all the lights and machinery power off. Once you were both out of the door and in to the bitter frost, you locked the door tight shut.

"It's fucking freezing up here." Harry complained, and you knew it wouldn't be the last time he made a remark like that today.

"Tell me something I don't know." You rolled your eyes at the weather, fed up of the depressing cold. Jamaica sounded lush round about now - with all the swaying palm trees, warm sandy beaches and cooling waves of the ocean. Here, it was just hills, snow, hills, rain, hills and hills.

Harry lead you to his truck. It was one you'd never seen before so most likely had hired for the duration of time he was going to be here for. You wondered where he was staying, since there were no five-star hotels out here - only Margaret and Tony's B&B. Harry would like it there though. It sat proud next to a quaint stream and you couldn't hear a car even if you tried - it was the perfect retreat for a critically acclaimed mega-rockstar.

He opened the door for you, lending you a hand to step up since it was a large step. The feeling of his skin touching yours was a sensation that you could write novels about. A feeling that you'd so dearly missed and craved more than ever now. It didn't take long for him to enter his side of the car and start the engine up. The first thing he did was turn up the heating, noticing how your hands had been ice-cold when they touched his and how you were silently shivering. He noticed.  

"It'll heat up in no time, I promise. In the mean time, here you are." He handed you the coat he'd just been wearing and it was still lusciously warm inside. It smelt just like him. It smelt of home.

"Thank you." Not even turning down his kind gesture because you were that cold.

"Trust me, still?" Harry asked you, setting the car into the right gear before looking across to you. It was painful to hear him have to ask such a question. You pulled the coat tighter over you, using it as a blanket, trying to preserve as much heat over your body as possible.

"Always."

•••••

The drive was a very peaceful one.

No commentary was made between the two of you, only the soft, mellow, tunes of Sinatra danced around the confines of the car. You could sometimes hear the passing of a nearby car or steam train, but there were no voices. Comfortable silence is so overrated - at least you for you it was uncomfortable. It was because you were terrified of saying the wrong thing as to why you didn't say anything, but also you felt like you'd said everything the last time you saw him.

Your mind drifted to London, as you closed your eyes, on that rainy Thursday eve...

I didn't think i'd be this nervous for anything in my life, but here I was.

His house looked bigger than the last time i'd seen it. The ivy growing up the walls looked powerful, as if it could tear the whole wall off if it wanted to. The pink front door assured me that I was at the right house, but I silently wished that it was a different colour because then I wouldn't have to face what I knew was to come. It was all going to be my fault though. I would most likely leave with a broken heart and the guilty conscience that I broke his too.

But this had to happen. It wasn't fair to him anymore.

I got out of the taxi, thanking him for waiting just a few more minutes whilst I collected myself and went and did what I came to do. He was very sweet and let me ride for a discounted price, obviously sensing my abundance of nerves, saying he'd wait for me to take me back to the station after this. He didn't say anything else to me, but he didn't need to.

The walk to the door, underneath the porch out of the torrential rain, felt like miles and yet it was only a few steps. My mind rushed through every possible scenario this could end up as. I looked back at the taxi man and he was smiling with encouragement at me, as if he knew exactly what was happening here.

I knocked three times - each one with the same amount of power.

The anticipation was the worst part. I wanted to scream, but also cry already.

The door swung open after 27 seconds precisely, not that i'd been counting or anything. I was so ready to start my rehearsed piece with him, but I was so blinded by his beauty that all thoughts were forgotten. He couldn't have looked better. He was standing here in checkered pyjama bottoms and a navy-blue crewneck sweatshirt, with little brown loafer slippers for comfort, and he still managed to be the most handsome man on the planet. He was so perfect.

Unlike me, Harrys thoughts were clear and his mind was only focused on one thing. Me.

I'd never seen him move so fast in my life. He closed the distance between us instantly and sealed our lips together to knock down the final boundary. His hands cupped my cheeks so desperately I wobbled back slightly from the force. His lips had never tasted so good. So sweet. The sounds of the pattering rain were long forgotten and the overwhelming senses bursting off of Harry quickly infiltrated my system. The sweet taste. The freshly-showered smell. The angelic sight. The tingling touch. The blissful sound. My senses were overwhelmed by him and I couldn't help but cry into the kiss.

He didn't want to let go, that I was sure of. Each time I tried to move back and regain air he whimpered, pulling me back as soon as I had caught some oxygen. This was our longest, most passionate, most burning kiss. In fact it was our last, most passionate, most burning kiss - little did Harry know of that.

"Where've you been, baby?" Harry asked breathlessly, between a further two kisses to my now swollen, cherry, lips.

"A-away." I struggled get out my words due to Harrys continuous kisses.

"I was so worried. So, so worried." He shakes his head not wanting to think about it anymore. I pulled away from his grasp, stepping back to create a little distance between us. I couldn't say what I wanted to say if I was too close to him. "Where are you going love?" He chuckled out, but there was a heavy tone of vulnerability underneath his words.

"Harry y-you need to listen to me, okay?" I asked, but even he knew that he didn't have a choice. All he could was nod his head, too afraid to say anything. He had a disturbing feeling like this wasn't going to be a conversation about how much I loved and missed him - no matter how true that would be.

"I-I think you already know where this is going, so i'm not going to sugar coat anything." Harry was already shaking his head at me.

"Y/N/N.. Please, no.." Harry continued to shake his head, realising you two were on the same page now and there was nothing he could do to stop it.

"Harry, I - uh - shit. C'mon Y/N." I mumbled to yourself, trying to hold myself together. "I love you, Harry. I've never loved someone half as much as i've loved you, and I never will. You have my heart - all of it. I need you to know that first, because it's important to me that you understand that," I watched him nod his head, "Harry, baby, I can't be with you anymore. It's nothing you did I swear. You were and still will be the best boyfriend to ever exist, because you are the most amazing person to exist—"

"Then don't do this, angel. Please." Harry butt in, tears now flowing down his face and it made it painful for me to look at him.

"Harry stop. Okay? It's not fair on you anymore. I can't be the girlfriend you need. I can't be the one you depend on anymore because I can't be here. My mum she's.. Well it doesn't matter, but she needs me more than ever and I can't leave her. Not now,' I watch Harry sniffle and wipe his nose on his sleeve, "You deserve so much more than me. You deserve someone who will give you everything, not that you didn't have everything from me - it's just I couldn't give you all of me all the time—"

"I don't care." Harry kept repeating like a broken record. This is what i'd made him into. I stepped closer to him again, cupping his cheeks to help him focus on anything other than his dark thoughts.

"Hey. You'll be okay. You don't need me. I was just someone passing by in your life, alright?" I pressed my forehead hard against his, and he cupped my cheeks to mirror me. If I could touch him then he sure as hell was touching me. He would savour every last moment next to me, because it might just be his last.

"No, Y/N/N, you're not. You m-mean everything t-to me." Harry sobbed out.

"Okay, but now you have to let me go. For your own bright and wonderful future, Harry, you have to let me go." I instructed him.

"No, no, no." He repeated and all I could do to shut him up was give him a kiss. The final kiss. I poured as much emotion as I possibly could do into the kiss, relishing every last second I had with him. After today I would probably never see him again. I would go back and live in Scotland, where the media is non existent, and live my life without my favourite person by my side. I would go back to working in the dirty bar and slaving away to the demands of university, all the while Harry will find someone new - someone better - and start up his wonderful life with them.

He was going to do great things.

I was the one to detach my lips first this time, knowing that if I didn't stop there I would never. I gave him one final, full of love, peck before pulling away from his warm embrace.

"I'm going now." I whispered, not wanting to even hear myself say those dreaded words.

"No." Was all Harry could say back. We both had faces full of tears and hearts full of hurt, but for now I had to be strong for him.

"I love you." Were my last words, before running back to the taxi out of the storm.

The look on his face was one that I knew was going to haunt me for years. There was no escaping it. He was utterly and completely broken - and all because of me.

My impending thoughts got interrupted by a call of my name. It was a distant voice, one that I didn't understand where it was coming from. It was so loud and clear and it sounded just like Harry, only when I looked at him his lips weren't moving. I'd left him broken on his doorstop and he couldn't do anything to fix the situation at- Y/N/N!

Again the voice repeated my name. Maybe I was having a stroke?

I couldn't stop crying in the taxi. The man knew to take me to the station, no questions asked. I respected him for that. My mind spiralled down in to a pit of self destruction and loathing. Every possible cruel thing I could think of, I could relate to myself. I couldn't stop thinking about the fragile Harry i'd left on the doorstep and—

"Y/N/N!" Harrys voice was much clearer now and it was obvious that you hadn't been dreaming him calling your name. He was standing outside the passenger door and it was only then that you'd noticed that you were parked up somewhere. "You're okay, you're okay." He assured you.

"Wha- where are we?" You asked, slightly dazed from the god-awful memory that just replayed in your head. It was a nightmare that kept you up most nights - it was one of the reasons you hated sleeping. It baffled you how Harry even wanted to be near you right now after everything you'd put him through.

"Come on and i'll show you." Harry held out his hand to help you back out of the truck.

The clicking of your seatbelt signified to Harry that you were preparing to climb out of the car and follow him. It meant that you continued to trust him, and that was more than enough for Harry. You grabbed on to his hand and allowed him to hold on to you tightly, in case you fell.

"There you go. I've got you." Harry spoke quietly, like he was afraid someone nearby would hear him. There would be no one around for miles though. It looked like you were at some outlook, somewhere, but it hadn't hit you exactly where yet. You were slightly disorientated considering how dark it was and not being awake for the journey.

"Thank you." You whispered back, both of you knowing it carried a much deeper meaning than you thanking him for helping you out of a car.

He pulled out his coat that you'd had wrapped around you, knowing it was too cold for you to not be wearing a coat right now. He pulled it around you, helping you slide both your arms in, before leaning down to do the zip up for you. He did it up teasingly slow and it made you nervous for when he'd reach the top. Once he'd reached the top he was stood so close to you that you could hear his heartbeat. His breath was shaky, but not as shaky as yours. You wanted to blame it on the cold but you knew it wasn't because of that.

He looked between your sparkling eyes and your rosy lips, being so indecisive of what he would rather look at. Your lips, he could kiss them for days, but your eyes - your eyes were something else. He swore they were the most precious things in the world. You were convinced he was going to lean in and kiss you, but he proved otherwise.

"Here," he took off his beanie and helped suit it onto your head instead, making sure your hair was tucked out of your eyes as he did so, "you're like a little icicle." He chuckled, making you laugh along with him.

"Thanks, Harry." You smiled sweetly at him, blessed to have him act so kind towards you. His heart was so big, yet so fragile as if it were made of glass, and deserved to be treated with all the grace in the world, but you'd managed to tear it down to its last shards - leaving nothing but broken pieces for him to pick up. "Aren't you going to be cold?" You asked, concerned for his physical health.

He reached in to the glove compartment, before bringing out another hat - a TPWK one at that. You laughed as he placed it on his head, finding it amusing how he was repping his own merchandise.

"You think it's funny? Me, wearing me own merch?" He laughed along with you, finding the most stupid things hilarious. It was just like old times - better times.

"Well do you want your hat back?" You offered, reaching for the bobble on the top of it.

"No. I like it better on you." He winked and it made you roll your eyes.

He slammed the door shut and locked the car with his keys, before stuffing them in his pockets. He took in a big breathe, most likely taking in the crisp winter air. It was refreshing, but something that was becoming all too familiar now. You needed a change. Jamaica, maybe?

Harry reached in to the open trunk of the truck and pulled out a regular rucksack. He slipped it on to his back before he held out his hand for you. "Ready?" He asked, not going anywhere until you took a tight hold on his hand.

"Ready." You nodded, eagerly grabbing his hand - wanting to feel those tingles all over again.

•••••

The walk, to wherever the fuck you were going, was exceptionally pretty. Harry chose well.

The path was hidden deep within a forest and it creeped you out at how dark and mysterious the whole atmosphere was. You felt completely safe standing next to Harry and holding his hand. He was warm and it warmed you up too.

No words had been spoken yet, only soft hums of a tune that Harry must be working on - seeing as you'd never heard it before. It was beautiful whatever it was. The eery night was so peaceful that you felt as if you had no problems left in the world. As if you mum was mentally okay. Your dad was still here. You and Harry were still together. What a perfect world that would be, but unfortunately some people weren't supposed to lead a perfect life. You were one of the unfortunate ones.

As you reached an opening of trees you noticed the lights shining more and more. They were becoming brighter and brighter the closer you came. Then it all started coming back to you. That tree - the one you fell out of whilst playing hide and seek with your dad. That bush - the one that you'd fallen in and cut your knee on whilst on a run with your dad. That pile of logs - the ones that you'd built many a campfire with, with your dad. And finally, that outlook over the valley below - the one that you would turn up at whenever you were sad with your dad.

It made you stop dead in your tracks.

"Harry." You whispered, finding it overwhelming that he knew of this place and how special it was to you. He knew that your father had passed, but you never really explained how it made you feel. You tended to bottle up all your emotions and keep them to yourself, finding it unfair to lay all your shit on someone else who might be going through things worse than you. This was uncharted territory for you.

"It's okay." He reminded you, bringing you closer in to his side with his arm. You appreciated him a bloody lot.

"No it's not. It's not and it's all my fault." You couldn't walk any further, not knowing where this evening was going and what Harry wanted to talk to you about. The guilt was eating you alive. "I'm sorry."

"Hey, no. Don't be sorry. I don't want you to be sorry, Y/N/N, okay?" Harry made you look at him, showing him to observe the small trickle of tears rubbing down your cheeks. You wished he didn't see them, though, because you felt selfish. If anyone should be crying it was him.

"But I—"

"I know what you did, I was there. Front row and centre actually." He laughed, bopping your nose to earn a laugh out of you too.

"How c-can you stand being near m-me then?" You were confused. You mum had told you that Harry would never want to see you again - charming.

"Because I love you." Harry put it in a way that was so simple, yet one that made your heart melt and walls crumble. He was still yours even after all this time, really?

"You l-love me? Still?" You had to double check, completely lost at how he was still devoted to you after all this time. After all that you'd said and done. Of course you still loved him, that was a given, but him still loving you was a terrifyingly happy surprise. He always has had the biggest heart of gold, and he remains to live up to that title. You were so undeserving of him and his heart of gold.

"I never stopped, baby." He squished your face close to his, large hands concealing your face to keep you focused on him and only him.

"You can't mean that, Harry. Not after everything I put you through." You whispered, searching for any signs of doubt behind his eyes. There was nothing but love for all you could see though.

"Listen to me Y/N/N. The last few months have made me realise something. It's made me realise that you're too special to me to ever let you go. Even though you made my phone miss your calls and we hadn't spoke since you went away, all I could think about was you and how you were doing. You didn't look good when you came to my porch in London, and you still don't baby." Harry was being completely honest with you, needing you to understand the complex depths of both sides of this relationship.

"No, i'm okay." You tried to convince him, but lacked the evidence to justify the statement.

"When was the last time you slept for a good 8 hours?" Harry asked, keeping you close to him - afraid you may dash at any point.

"Um, well—" You tried to rack your brain for an answer, but the answer was so long ago it was long forgotten.

"When was the last time you ate a proper meal?" He asked again, this time his eyes gazing down at your body. Yes, you knew that you'd become skinner but you didn't realise it was that noticeable. Or maybe it was just because Harry always noticed the most smallest, most minute, details about you.

"It was, um—" You squeezed your eyes shut hoping something would come to mind but you knew it was pointless.

"When was the last time you gave yourself a breather? A sit down? A bit of time to yourself?" He pressed for an answer, but it was obvious by now that you didn't have an answer.

"I-I," you let out a defeated sigh, looking towards the ground in shame, "I don't know." You admitted to him, and to yourself. You know you should take care of yourself better, but it's been hard to sort it out when you're doing a million and one other jobs too.

You two stayed silent for a few moments, reflecting on the words that had been spoken this evening. Finding out that Harry was still in love with you, in the area that was filled with fond childhood memories with your dad, whilst coming to teens with your mental struggles was a lot to take in in just one night. You could only take so much and you'd be forever grateful that it was Harry by your side right now and no one else. Not even your dad could come close to the secure and warm feelings that Harry gave you.

"I'm not okay, Harry, am I?" You had to ask Harry for support in your question, not wanting to admit the truth to yourself alone.

"You're just a little broken, baby, but i'm here okay? It won't be like this forever, I promise." Harry swore it on his mums life. His hands left your cheeks and instead wrapped around your body protectively, making sure you felt the mental and physical stability of him being there for you.

"I'm so-sorry for everything, Harry." You apologised for not nearly the enough times that evening - well technically morning. If you waited long enough you could probably watch the sun rise from this side of the valley - it was something you dreamt about doing with your dad, but it was too late to fulfil that dream when the time came around.

"It's alright." Harry shushed you, allowing you to carry on with the sobs you needed to let out.

"Is it?" You questioned, still not fully convinced that it was.

"I'll be alright as long as you are alright, love." You could feel Harrys smile against the side of your head where he was resting it, making you slightly smile in return. "Just need you back."

"If you'll have me?" You offered, wanting him to be positively sure of himself.

"Always." He replied, using the same phrasing you'd done earlier this evening.

•••••

Sunrise.

You never thought it would be so beautiful and yet you were so magically lost for words. The way the sun caught its first few rays on the glistening, snowy, mountain tops was cinematic. The rays starting to warm up your icy skin was exhilarating, almost like it was feeding you life again. Oh how your dad would've loved this.

What was even more special than the sunrise was the boy that you got to spend watching it with. Wrapped under a layer of three blankets, your back against his front whilst sat perched against a thick oak tree, you got to witness a moment so singular and unique, with someone as equally unique, and you wouldn't swap it for a million pounds.

Harry had brought hot cocoa, with little pink and white marshmallows, in a thermo-flask to help keep you both warm. He'd clearly thought about this "date", you guess you could call it, with great passion. He had thought of everything. He'd brought bundles of blankets, the hot chocolate, an extra jumper for you - your favourite one of his in fact - and even a portable charger so your phone was ready to snap some shots of the waking sun.

You were positive his body was completely stiff now, most likely going to have crippling back pains for the rest of the week, but you knew he didn't care. All he cared about was you and that you were happy.

Throughout the morning, whilst you were waiting for the sun to arise, you spoke about everything and nothing. You'd learnt that Harry had been with someone a month after your broken up with him, but went in to a two week period of self loathing afterwards because she, quote, "just wasn't you". Apparently he'd almost said your name, to her, the morning after and that's when he knew it was never going to be anyone else but you. Of course your heart bled a little to hear him have moved on so quickly, but you also remember encouraging it so you couldn't really be angry.

You opened up about the grieving of your dad and the hardship that your mum had become. Although it was hard to hear, listening to Harry suggest maybe taking her to a group house for family rehabilitation, or something along those lines, it should be an option to consider. He never pressed you for an answer, but only letting you know he was here whatever you decided to do.

You apologised a lot more times and each time he shut you up with his lips. God had you missed those lips. You'd missed him more.

Harry admitted he'd developed a slight drinking problem and had had to stay at random hotel rooms, for the first couple of months, because he couldn't bare to walk around a house that was so full of you and your memories. The kitchen, where you'd prepared countless morning coffees for him. The study, where you'd read a few stories to him. The bedroom, where you'd spent many a night with him beneath the sheets loving each other until you physically could no more.

Both of you were extremely vulnerable and that's exactly how it needed to be.

To move forwards you vowed to be more open and honest with one another. Harry promised to stay with you for a while, up here, until he was comfortable that you'd be okay if he left you. You promised to never leave him again, which he was perfectly happy with. You also strictly told him that he wasn't to go near a bottle of alcohol unless you were with him, not baring the thought of having to send him into rehab for substance abuse.

The two of you had a long way to go to be perfect, but then again there was no such thing. You were just Y/N and Harry, and as long as you made each other happy, then that, in your eyes, was perfect.

[finelinevogue]

finelinevogue ficmas

21st December - love me tomorrow

pairing: teacher!harry x teacher!reader🎄 (+13.8k)

22nd December - winter soldier, literally

pairing: boyfriend!bucky x reader 🎄 (+1.2k)

23rd December - thank God for mistletoe

pairing: uni!harry x uni!reader🎄 (+1.3k)

24th December - distant promises

pairing: boyfriend!bucky x reader🎄(2k)

25th December - don’t break my heart this year

pairing: ex-boyfriend!harry x reader🎄(+7.2k)

26th December - love, actually

pairing: husband!harry x reader🎄(+1.4k)

[all fics will be released at 6:00PM BST ]

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[finelinevogue]

‘tis the season

Description - the evolution of Christmas time with Harry

A/N -  i hope this gets you in the festive spirit! hope you all have an amazing Christmas and i'm so thankful for each and every one of you for taking the time to read, comment and vote - it means a hell of a lot to me. so thank you and merriest of Christmas' xx <3

warnings : pregnancy, swearing

December 24th 2014

Every year it surprises you at just how busy the pub gets on Christmas Eve.

This year it was absolute chocker and you wondered how you'd ever gotten a table in the first place. It was so busy that crowds of people had to stand in the middle of the room just to have a drink. There were six bartenders behind the bar tonight and even that wasn't enough.

Electric is the only word good enough to describe the atmosphere in the room this evening. It was amazing. The sound of 'Last Christmas' by the infamous Wham! was echoing off the rugged, wooden, walls. It was buzzing in here and it made you beyond excited for Christmas Day.

Christmas Eve was always reserved for having a drink with your friends. It was family on Christmas Day and friends on Christmas Eve - at least that way the way your town did it. Your family normally end up coming to the same pub anyways, 'The Red Lion', but you'd be sat with different people. This year you were here with a group of girls from university, having graduated with them just this past year. They were your all-time best friends and people whom you would cherish in your life for decades to come. You'd already planned on returning to this pub when you're all married and have kids. It was going to become your thing.

Gavin was the pub owner and he was the loveliest guy around. He was best pals with your grandad, so it meant you often got free drinks on the house - no complaints there.

"I'll have a beer, again, please Katie." Grace ordered politely, seeing as Katie had offered to pay for the next round of drinks.

Out of the little group of you Katie was the kindest, always putting herself before others no matter what. Then there was Grace - the borderline alcoholic Irish - whom was a whole bunch of fun regardless what mood you were in. Last, but not least, there was Cara. Cara was, a bit like you, quiet before getting to know her and then out of nowhere she's an absolute crackhead. You wouldn't want them any other way, though.

You'd invited your girls up this year to spend your Christmas Eve traditions with you. You always raved on about your Christmases to them to the point where they wanted to come and experience one themselves. Grace had even postponed her plane home just to spend Christmas with you - now scheduled to fly out at 3am tomorrow.

"Yeah same here please Katie." You nodded, downing your current pint of beer.

"Sure. Cara?" Katie turned, knowing that Cara wasn't a beer drinker and she might want to slow down on the vodka if she wanted to remember Christmas.

"I'll just have water please. Think my mum would disown me if I was hungover on Christmas day." She laughed, causing the rest of you to join in. "Thanks, though, Katie."

And Katie was off to the bar in a jiff.

"Any plans for the new year, then, girls?" You asked them, taking the final swig of your drink before pushing it aside for the waitresses to take away.

"I'm going to the Bahamas with my family in January." Cara mentioned and suddenly you were very jealous of her. It's not like your family were poor or anything, but more that they like to spend their money on house renovations, and barn conversions, rather than going to a hot destination. Hot, beach, holidays weren't your thing either. You'd rather stay in cold England, feeling all snug next to your industrial fireplace, with a cup of your mums homemade hot chocolate and the best, new, book you could find.

"Kept that quiet, didn't you?" Grace teased, this being the first time you'd heard about her little excursion.

"Well I only found out a few days ago. In fact, it was the day when you were off with your boyfriend so I wasn't exactly going to interrupt your fun to tell you i'm off on me hols'." Cara responded back.

"Oh shut up, you." Grace stuck her middle finger up at her - everyone knowing it was just playful banter though.

An hour or so later and you'd all bought a round of drinks. Yours had been the first and Caras the last, and it was safe to say you were all buzzing now.

Whilst Grace and Cara got up to dance with a couple of guys, you and Katie stayed sat at the table chatting. Nothing too deep - just about how you were both going to be single forever. Katie had recently broken up with her girlfriend and was feeling sorry for herself, so you were her wingwoman for the evening. Unfortunately your town was only small and you couldn't think of anyone who'd be Katies type.

"Guys, c'mon dance. It's so fun!" Grace came stumbling over to the table, being the lightweight she is, and cheered in yours and Katies faces.

"In a bit, you absolute lightweight." You laughed at her, shaking ur head at what a mess she is.

"Promise?" Grace held out her pinky finger.

"Promise, Grace." Katie joined her pinky finger for you both, confirming that you'd be up on the dance floor in a bit. You weren't too thrilled, however, since your whole family was basically here. Your dad would never let you live it down if you started dancing. You had to carry on living here after tomorrow, unlike your best friends.

After Grace had left, you and Katie gave each other a look which meant that you definitely weren't getting up on the dance floor tonight - making you both laugh.

"Alright, i'm going to get another drink. You want anything?" You asked Katie, knowing that she was reaching her alcohol limit now. For Katie her alcohol would hit her all at once and she wouldn't even feel it coming, so she had to be careful with how much she drank.

"No i'm good thank you." She smiled, pulling out her phone as entertainment for the next five minutes whilst you were gone.

"Okay. Be back in five." You grabbed your purse and walked over to the bar, through the crowded room.

The bar wasn't too busy, but it was still a squeeze to get to the front. You managed to find a free barstool to sit on whilst you waited for a bartender. You knew they were very busy so you were perfectly happily waiting until they were ready.

This year had been a good year and you were very excited for Christmas tomorrow. You'd done last minute Christmas shopping today and eventually bought everything you needed. It had been a last minute scram to find a present for your mum, but she'd have to make do with the new Chanel perfume you bought for her. There was barely anything left on the shelves so perfume it was.

"Is anyone buying you a drink or can I do the honours?" You heard a voice from beside you. It intrigued you that someone was offering you a drink, normally you would have to buy the guy a drink to grab their attention.

You turned to your side to see who was offering and to say you were absolutely shocked was an understatement. This old town of yours rarely got any passers by so it was obvious to spot one if there was. This passer by in particular was a delightful surprise, however, because he just happened to be Harry Styles and you would be lying through your teeth if you said you hadn't romanticised yourself with him at some point.

Harry Styles was the most, if you were being old-fashioned, eligible bachelor in the entirety of the world and to have him asking to buy you a drink made you go slightly weak at the knees. You had to compose yourself to not look look mildly creepy, however.

You wanted to stare longer and ogle at his hypnotic eyes, his rosy lips, his blushing cheeks and his luscious curls, but you would definitely scare him away if you did. Therefore, unfortunately, you had to look away and internally scream to yourself - not wanting to make this a big deal in front of him.

"Well, actually, you're the first to ask me." You answered, putting what little bit of your ego you had to good use.

"I find that hard to believe, really." Harry emphasised.

He really did not understand how no other man had not swept you off your feet yet. He was half-sure that he'd walk over to you and then your husband or wife would pop around the corner. You were just lovely and gave Harry a warm feeling that he'd so deeply craved. He was so beyond glad that no significant other appeared, because that meant he got the open opportunity to flirt and get to know you.

"Oh I don't know." You laughed, not finding it that hard to believe.

"So is that a yes?" He cheekily smirked, saving buttering you up for later, nudging your arm with his elbow lightly making you chuckle.

"Yes, Harry, you can buy me a drink." You nodded and smiled at how relieved he looked. He pushed himself off the bar to turn around ready to order. Luckily the number of people ordering at the bar had decreased and it wasn't as swamped as before, making it easier for Harry to order.

"Oh so you know my name?" He smirked and raised his eyebrows. No one had yet recognised him in this pub so he wasn't expecting you to either. It was quite refreshing having barely anyone recognise him.

"Um, yes?" You slightly questioned, wondering whether he'd have preferred you not to know his name.

"You sound unsure." He teased, and you had every right to friendly punch him in the arm for being annoying. However, you didn't really want to go up against Harrys lawyers in court for physically abusing him, because god knows you'd lose and end up paying him thousands.

"I know who you are," You smiled, before coming up with your own witty reply, "unfortunately." With that comment he was gasping, surprised at how well he was playing you at your own game.

"Wow i'm hurt." He sarcastically said, resting his hand over his chest as if you'd just stabbed him through it.

"You still want to buy me a drink?" You asked, slightly nervous that you had maybe peeved him off. Yes, you knew Harry was a chill guy but how chill exactly he was was still unknown to you.

"And what does the lady drink?" Harry asked, waving his hand to catch Phil's, the best bartender you knew of, attention to come and serve him.

"Whatever you're having." You replied, watching as he inwardly bit his lip and shake his head at you.

"You're impossible, you are." He didn't take his eyes off yours as he spoke, allowing you to delve in to the depths of his mesmerising eyes.

"So i've heard." You bite back. Harry laughed before turning back around to Phil, who was now waiting for you both to order.

"You alright mate?" Phil asked, throwing a dirty tea towel over his shoulder that he'd just used to wipe down the bar area in front of you.

"Glass of Scotch Whisky each please." Pointing between you and him, which earned you a wink from Phil that didn't go unnoticed by Harry. He was going to question it, but thought it might be an inside joke between you and Phil.

"Any particular brand?" Phil asked.

"Surprise us." Harry gave his most charming smile.

"Coming right up, boss." Phil nodded and walked away to bring the order together. He walked over to Adam, who was another bartender that had been here for a long time, and you watched as Phil made it aware to Adam the interaction happening between you and Harry. Adam and Phil watched as you and Harry talked to each other, harmlessly flirting with each other.

You were worried for the moment when Harry would bring his girlfriend out from somewhere. Surely Harry wasn't single - not with how good he looked at such a charming age. He hadn't said anything that would put you off him, as of yet, and you thought the way he had with words was quite endearing.

The way that Harry kept eye contact with you whilst you were talking was both polite and intimidating. He never interrupted you when you were speaking, but it never felt like a one sided conversation either. He was just all round delightful.

"You can go sit back down if you want, i'll come over when i've paid for the drinks." Harry mentioned to you.

"I am sat with a bunch of girls though." You pointed out, wondering whether he'd even be comfortable with sitting with other people. He seemed like he was happy with anyone and everyone, and everyone seemed to like him the same.

"That's alright. I'll bring my lads over and we can all sit and chat together?" He offered, watching you climb off the bar stool and prepare to go back to your girls.

"Okay sure." You nodded in agreement and walked away from him, feeling his eyes on you the entire time.

As soon as you'd left him you let out a minor squeal, not being able to contain yourself any longer. You'd just met Harry Styles and he was buying you a drink and you were expected to keep calm - absolutely not. As long as you didn't break down in front of him you were all good.

Your friends were going to go bloody mental when they hear about this. Katie was as dedicated to Harry as you were, you both constantly watching interviews with him in. Now, you were going to have to play it lowkey if you didn't want Harry running straight back out the pub door.

You noticed that Katie was patiently waiting for you, phone flat on the table in front of her - it must've died. You felt slightly bad, knowing that you'd been longer than expected and you were coming back without drink.

"Where've you been?" Katie interrogated, noticing you'd come back from the bar empty handed.

"Meeting Harry Styles." You casually said, dropping the bomb out of nowhere. Katie laughed at you, shaking her head as if you'd lost your mind.

"Yeah and I just met Sarah Paulson." Katie followed your theme of talk and teased you that she'd just met her celebrity crush. Katie had loved Sarah for the longest time, and for secret santa last year Grace had gotten her a cardboard cutout of Sarah for Katie - the only problem was that she came as a 2ft cardboard cutout rather than the life-size one. It was embarrassing for Grace, but Katie loved her unconditionally.

"No, I seriously just met Harry." You desperately spoke, needing her to believe you now so you could calm her before he actually came over.

"Y/N. How many times do we have to tell you that you aren't in some Wattpad fan-fiction?" Katie asked, which made you stop to think that you sort of were living out a fan-fiction. You'd read many as a young child and your nose would grow like Pinocchios' if you said you didn't read some nowadays.

"Ah, you must be Katie?" Harry came from behind Katie. Katie didn't turn around at first, completely stuck to her current position. She couldn't believe that you hadn't been joking and Harry was actually behind her - she'd recognise that voice anywhere; that deep and gravely voice.

"No." Katie whispered in disbelief and you did nothing but nod your head. You still couldn't believe it either to be fair.

"No? Oh sorry, is it Cara or Gracie?" Harry fumbled, thinking he had successfully managed to match up their name to how you described them and their personalities. Katie was an introvert, so you described, and considering she was the only one not dancing he used process of elimination to figure it out - or so he thought.

"Yes this is Katie and it's Grace, not Gracie, Harry." You answered him, seeing as Katie was too starstruck to answer herself. Katie had gone slightly pale in the face, finally getting to meet one of her celebrity idols.

"Well it's lovely to meet you Katie." Harry finally moved his way in front of Katie, which is when she blushed bright red at how this situation was real. How you were staying completely calm was a complete mystery to Katie. You were the biggest Harry fan that Katie had ever met and so it was so confusing that you were calmer than her right now. She honestly expected you to be passed out on the floor.

"Likewise." Katie held out her hand for him as he put the drinks down on the table. "Do you two know each other or--" She looked so confused, because surely if you'd just met you wouldn't be as stable as you were right now. 

"Just met." You and Harry both spoke at the same time, causing you to smile at each other with such grossly loving eyes. 

Yes you'd just met, and even though it's cringe to say, but you definitely could see yourself having another Christmas with Harry, 

•••••

December 24th, 2015

The one thing you were most proud of this year is that you'd actually bought all your gifts on time.

Normally you were the last minute Christmas shopper, buying any last thing that was left on the shelf. One year you went shopping on Christmas Eve in the evening, but my-oh-my will you never be doing that again. You came away from that shopping trip with more bruises than a peach could ever harbour.

This year, you were well pleased with your organisation. You reckon it has something to do with dating Harry.

On March 14th 2015 you could officially label yourself as Harrys girlfriend and my oh my was that a feeling. You were shocked that he'd even bought you a drink, let alone asked you to be his girlfriend. You were actually hesitant in saying yes, surprisingly, because of all the extra baggage that came with dating Harry Styles. Harry, being his average charming self, had managed to persuade you that he was worth it - and by god was he right. You couldn't ask for him to treat you any better.

Every morning he'd send you a morning message, regardless of whether he was feeling low. Every Saturday he took you on date night and in all the months up till now you'd still not had a repeat of a date - every Saturday had been something different and you were really impressed. He would bring your flowers on your worst days and your best days. He would call when he was bored and he would answer when you were. He was a complete gentleman and you felt honoured to be trusted with his heart. 

Your favourite thing he'd done is suggest that you go back to the pub for Christmas this year. You'd explained once or twice how your Christmas' usually run, but never thought he'd pick up on quite how important they were to you. He did listen though, very carefully. 

Harry had slightly helped by keeping you on your toes, this year, continuously asking whether you'd got your presents yet and that you needed to make a list of who to buy for. A more pushing reason to start early, though, was because you hadn't got a clue what to get Harry. No doubt he'd bought you something expensive, but your budget laughed at you for ever thinking you could do the same. 

You'd started by buying your mum and dad their Christmas presents first, getting them out of the way. Next, you bought Cara, Grace and Katie their presents - whom were impossible to buy for by the way, because they were so indecisive about what they wanted. Harry was the last person you were buying for and you were terrified in case you bought something stupid, however you think you might've done okay. 

The two of you were currently sat in a corner booth in The Red Lion, sharing a bottle of Scotch Whisky between you, and opening each others presents. Well, you would do if Harry wasn't so handsy with you. The alcohol made him go softer than ever and pushed him to kiss you more. You weren't complaining but you did want him to open his gift now. 

His present to you had been a key to an apartment. He told you that he knew it was a massive step, but it wasn't a decision that had to be made right away. He would rent it out for the time being, until you decided what you wanted to do. The ball was in your court and whenever you were ready, was when he was. 

You truly did love Harry.

"Please can you open my gift now, Harry?" You begged, pushing his face away from your neck, which was already embarrassingly bruised from the night before. He had gone a little wild last night, and it was an interesting story he told you dad about the origin of the bruise earlier on this evening. Your dad obviously knew what it was, but just wanted to test Harrys respect towards you - which he passed with flying colours. 

"Okay, baby." Harry chuckled, knowing you were desperate. 

He picked up the neatly wrapped gift and wondered what it could be. It was wrapped very small and it was very light, so he knew that it couldn't be too expensive. He didn't give a tosh about price though, he had you and that was more than enough.

He carefully opened the gift, preserving the wrapping like he always did. He even stuck the little ribbon in your hair to tie up properly later. He read the card with such care, reading over every word and crying towards the end. Your goal hadn't been to make him cry, but it made you happy to see him so emotionally attached to you. Once the wrapping was off he was taken aback by the gift. He'd expected a DIY gift or a ticket to dinner or a football game, but no. 

You'd managed to buy him the CD that he always listened to with his grandad at Christmas time. His grandad had passed a few years ago and Harry told you of what a great man he was, along with all the adventurous stories that came with him. He sounded a delight of a man and it was shame you could never meet him, but you always remember of one story Harry had told to you. One that stuck. It was about how Harry and his grandad would put on this particular Christmas CD and sit and listen to it on Christmas Eve until the clock struck midnight. Harry continued the tradition even after his grandad died, until he lost the CD. 

"I don't even know what to say--" He was gobsmacked that you'd even found such a thing. He'd been so upset that he'd lost the old one - that had been gifted to him by his late grandad - and now he had a new one. It was beautiful, like the soul of the woman that bought it for him.

"Just say whatever." You shrugged, knowing exactly what he wanted to say but was just a little scared of scaring you off with his words. You were ready though. It was the next big chapter in both of yours lives, and you were moving on together. You moved in close to him, wanting to feel you him as near as possible as he whispered the words you'd waited an entire lifetime to hear. 

"I love you, Y/N." Harry whispered over your lips.

"I love you too, Harry." Before you sealed your lips to his and for the rest of the evening.

•••••

December 24th, 2017

To say this would be the Christmas you were looking forwards to the most was an understatement.

In a little under a year of being engaged and married you had moved London permanently, wanting to start your new life in a permanent location. You had suggested living in Holmes Chapel, wondering whether it might be nice to start new life where Harry was close to home, having been away from it for so many years, but he was more keen on living in London instead. So London it was.

Your house was a beautiful, white, town house in Kensington. It had majestic ivy growing up the walls at the front of the house, giving off a fairytale aura to the property. You'd always dreamt of living in a house like this, but had never had the money to buy it. Of course you contributed towards the house mortgage and so forth, but Harry did do a lot more - he was just too kind like that. You had saved up a bit of money from the various jobs you'd undertaken over the years, and the money your parents had given to you as their marriage present to you both, and so used that to put the deposit down on the house. 

However, Harry wouldn't let you work anymore and not because he wanted you to be a stay at home wife whilst he worked. It was because you were a mum now. 

Asher Robin Styles. 

On your honeymoon you and Harry were desperate to start family life. Harry was willing on putting everything on hold to begin a family with you - you deserved that much, he knew. He announced that he would be having a break from music the moment you found out that you were pregnant. He had been over the moon. You remember telling him, so casually, one night in bed that he'd be a dad this Christmas and at first he didn't believe you. When he realised you weren't messing, though, it was the most beautiful moment between you and he ended up loving on you until the sun rose. 

Baby Asher was born 19th December 2017, weighing 5.7 lb. He was the tiniest little boy and one that had already captured yours and Harrys hearts forever. He had had a few birth complications, due to being quite small for his gender and age, but he was the happiest little chap and slept like an angel. He was yours and Harry’s Christmas miracle.

This year, although going to the pub would've been the ideal, you decided it might be best having a quieter Christmas. A lively pub, with loud music and lads might not be the best idea for a 5 day old baby - or a newly post-pregnant woman. So, instead, you were having Christmas at Anne's. 

Harry had been taking care of you like the perfect husband he is. Not once had he complained about anything. Apart from the breast feedings that you did, he didn't really want you doing anything else. He did the washing and ironing. He did the cooking. You'd only last night managed to persuade him that you were fine doing the washing up. He was just worried that you might overwork yourself and split something open - which you'd assured him wouldn't happen. Nothing could be worse than pushing a football sized baby out of your vagina.

Today was the day you were travelling to Anne's and you were very frantic. You were currently running around your bedroom, packing the last bits. Someone would think you were moving house if they saw your luggage, not popping a hundred miles up North for a few, Christmas, days. Harry was pulling on a t-shirt as you were flitting between suitcases.

"Okay I packed his sleeping blanket and a sick blanket, but do you think I should pack an extra just in case? Oh and what about his beanie hats? I packed the three your mum has knitted, but should I bring the one Jules, from the bakery, gav--" 

"Babe you need to calm down, okay?" Harry embraced you in his arms, wanting you to calm down. Stress wasn't good for a new mum, and he didn't need you unwell over Christmas. Of course he'd love an excuse to fuss and love over you, but not when he could do something to prevent you from being ill in the first place.

"But—" You sighed in to the warmth of his neck, smelling the infamous 'Tobacco Vanille' perfume he still wore after all these years.

"No. Asher will have enough hats from the ones that mum made and mum can wash the blankets if needs be, okay? Just relax with me for a moment, Y/N/N." Harry didn't ask you, but instead told you. You knew that he was right and it was just the baby brain messing with you. 

"I just want Asher's first Christmas to be perfect." You sighed, letting Harry guide you to the bed to sit down upon. He collapsed first, before you joined to sit on his lap. He was so comfortable that you had to resist pushing you both to lay down and sleep forever. Asher was a good baby when it came to sleeping during the night, but boy did he wake up early. Harry was used to 7 o'clock rises at the earliest, but half 4 in the morning was something new. 

You wouldn't wish for him any other way, though.

"It will be, babe. I promise." Harry concluded that conversation, knowing you felt calmer than before. Whatever he was doing, which even Harry wasn't sure what, was working. You felt more peaceful by the second and kissed his neck a few times in thanks for being so wonderful. 

"It'll be weird not being at the pub this year. It's my first year without it." You sadly told Harry, even though you knew this Christmas would trump all the others. 

"It will, but we'll make it work." Harry reassured you, knowing that you'd feel a bit sad being away from your side of the family for this Christmas. Harry knew that you would choose him over your family any day of the year though, and it was true. You loved Harry a lot, and you loved Asher too - maybe even a little bit more - so Christmas this year, with them both, was a dream come true. 

Christmas traditions had always been the same. It had always been a L/N family tradition to spend Christmas Eve in the pub and raise a drink, or two, to each other for celebrating another year of joy, happiness and good health. You'd never missed one, even if you had a deathly cold, and neither had your mum or dad or even Phil the bartender, so it would be sad to miss it this year. That wasn't to say you were excited for this year - not at all.

This year would be amazing.

Anne had informed you that she'd made cinnamon rolls for when you arrive, fresh out of the smoking oven. Anne had freshly made the bed, filled with blankets and warmth, and had bought a cot just to put in your room, for Asher, so he was close by. Gemma and Michal would be there too, joining in on the festivities. No one, except you and Harry, had met baby Asher, yet, so Anne was past the point of being just excited - she was eager. After today Asher would no longer just be for yours and Harrys eyes and hands. After today Asher will have met his grandma, his aunty and his uncle all in one day. You just prayed he was on his best behaviour.

"I know. I'm sorry." You apologised, being stopped by Harry's strong arms when he felt you moving away. If you were still upset he wasn't letting you go so easily. 

"Hey, what are you sorry for?" He cupped your soft cheek and looked in to your eyes to find an answer. He could see that you were deeply sorry for something, but he just couldn't figure out what.

"For being a little negative about this new idea of Christmas. I didn't mean to be, so I apologise. I'm really looking forwards to seeing your mum and maybe visiting her can be our new family tradition?" You asked hopefully, wanting to turn the negatives in to positives. When you saw the tears build in the corners of Harrys eyes you got worried that you'd upset him, but he was quick to speak before you could apologise again.

"I love you, Y/N." He smiled so brightly that it could've blinded you if you weren't so used to it. He was so happy to hear you talk about new family traditions, with your family. He was still stuck on the fact he'd managed to pick you up in that bar, let alone get you to say yes to being his girlfriend, becoming his wife and having his baby. 

"I love you too, H." You replied, not because you had to but because you truly meant it. He was your everything and you'd remind him of that every day if you wanted to, for as long as you live. A few little cries came from the corner of the room and you chuckled to Harry, just as he was about to kiss your lips, signifying that Asher had woken up and wanted attention. You carefully dismounted from around Harry and walked over to the cot. 

"We love you too, baby Styles. We hadn't forgotten about you, my little love." You picked him up carefully, still being extra careful with him due to his shear fragile size. You walked him over to Harry, his face carefully nestled in the crook of your neck, whilst his body came no lower than the bottom of your boobs. He was the most delicate, most handsome and most wonderful human being you'd ever come across and he was all yours.

"Hey little man. You feeling a bit left out? Is that why you're upset? Hey?" Harry repeatedly asked his son questions, fully aware he wouldn't respond. Asher couldn't even lift his head to face his dad at this point, so you did the job for you and as soon as he saw his dad his giggles started. "There's my cheeky chappy." Harry excitedly spoke to Asher, taking him out of your arms to hold him close in yours instead.

"Just give me a couple more minutes and i'll be ready to set off." You told Harry, moving in to the bathroom to grab a couple more things.

"No problem, my love. Me and the little lad will just discuss the latest footie match whilst we wait, won't we?" Harry spoke in his most dad voice he could put on. Watching the two interact was a feeling you couldn't even describe. They were like salt and pepper them too - completely inseparable - and it was a blessing to watch. 

A 3 hour car journey later and you were at Annes. 

The journey had been a success. You'd only had to stop off once for a toilet break and a second time for Asher's feeding time. Asher, otherwise, had been silent the whole way there. Harry, being the over-protective dad that he is, at one point, pulled over to make sure he was still breathing he was that quiet - and of course he was. You teased Harry that all the football talk had  put him to bed. 

"Home." Was Harry's first word when he pulled up on Annes driveway. You looked over at him to see him proudly staring at the house - the house that Harry had been able to buy for his mum due to his immense fame and fortune. It wasn't, in your opinion, better than your house back in London, however. 

It didn't take Anne long to run down the driveway and wait for your excitedly outside of the car. It was freezing outside and it must've been the adrenaline keeping her warm, because you swore your toes had turned to icicles the second you stepped out of the car. 

"Oh Y/N! You're looking amazing!" Anne commented, cupping your cheeks, like all mothers do, to admire how radiant and glowing you were. For someone who had given birth five days ago, you did a marvellous job of making yourself look put together. Your skin was shining and your eyes were brighter than ever - all because of your bundle of love. Your Asher.

Whilst you spoke to Anne briefly, Harry took to his dad duties and unstrapped Asher's car seat from the back and took him out so that he could be introduced to his grandma. Even though he was deep asleep, and most likely would be for another two hours, Anne could still meet him. He was wrapped up in a heap of blankets, like a burrito, and you were so jealous of him in that moment. You were wearing a dress and thick tights too, so you shouldn't have been as cold as you were.

"Hi mum!" Harry spoke excitedly, carrying his son in the car seat proudly on his forearm. "Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas H!" Anne kissed his cheeks twice, making up for all the times she couldn't. "Oh, Harry, look at him. He's beautiful. Oh, i'm going to cry." Anne didn't hesitate for a second to introduce herself to her grandson. He was the yummiest fella in the world, according to Anne and the fact she cried was a true testament to what a superb grandmother she was going to be. Anne commented on how much he looked like Harry, which is exactly what you'd been saying, but Harry disagreed. He thought he had your face shape, but you and Anne agreed that Harry had baby brain and didn't know what he was on about.

Christmas was beyond all expectations. 

Gemma and Michal came an hour after you'd arrived, letting you all settle in before harassing you and the baby any more than they knew Anne would already be. You all shared your recent memories with each other over hot chocolate and a cinnamon bun. Everyone was just so happy. Gemma and Anne got a lot of cuddles with the little man himself, and he was enjoying all the attention. He was so good and was on his best behaviour, only crying once when he was overdue a feed that you'd so stupidly forgotten. 

You'd gone for Christmas Eve walk all together, popping in to some of Harrys neighbours houses for a quick hello and a mice pie or two. Everyone was infatuated with Asher, claiming he was the most precious baby they'd ever seen and every time Harry would say "that's because he's got a smoking hot mum." You found the whole atmosphere so magical that you were seriously thinking never returning to the pub tradition ever again.

The whole day had been a blessing and it was simply perfect. 

The food was out of this world. The games that you all played were belly achingly funny. The drinks that you shared were gone within hours - Gemma doing most of the work since you'd gone off wine since being pregnant. 

At the end of the evening you were both tightly wrapped in between the sheets of the guest bedroom. All the wine had been drunk. All the food had been eaten. But there were still so many laughs and stories to be shared. This Christmas would create a whole lot of stories for you to share in the future, that's for certain.

"Merry Christmas, H." You whispered, completely in awe of him and how amazing he'd been recently.

"Merry Christmas, love." He looked to you as soon as the words left your mouth, finally admitting that he was at peace with himself and his life amongst the crazy life that being a multi-millionaire rockstar brought him. "And we love you too, you rascal." Harry smiled at Asher, who was tucked, snug as a bug, in the cot. 

"Kiss me?" You sort of asked, wondering whether he might be too tired to do so. He had been on his feet all day, running around after his mum so she didn't have to do so much and trying to get you to stay sat down. You were a handful sometimes, but he admired your stubborn nature more than anything - it gave him a challenge and he liked proving you wrong. 

"You don't have to ask me twice, babe." He chuckled, before leaning in to lock his lips with yours and pull you as close as possible as he could to his bare chest. The room soon became hot, under all the blankets, no thanks to your lustful evening with each other but it had been a long week and you decided that you both deserved a little bit of something from each other - especially since you'd decided Asher was your Christmas present this year. 

You both started to fall asleep with the soft sounds of a certain CD playing in the background Christmas had changed, but you were beyond excited to change with it.

[finelinevogue]

Harry Styles Masterlist ‘22

get lost in a world where harry styles is the main character in your life.

use this list to request a specific imagine

Oneshots (+5k)

the UNIverse (II) -

mutual feelings start to develop as you and Harry spend more time with each other

wilted sunflower -

it’s Valentine’s day, harry’s half way around the world and you’re sick

an award-winning love -

harry invites you, his wife, as his plus one to the grammy’s

love at coachella -

a journey of the moments that built up to Coachella

welcome to harry’s house -

you and harry listen to harry’s house together (hho!universe)

home -

harry is back home and home is wherever harry is (hho!universe)

conversations with love -

harry brings you to the annual family gathering and he can’t help but love you even more

baby honey -

it’s summer of ‘69 and you meet international rockstar harry styles on your summer holiday

love me tomorrow -

you and harry are high-school teachers and he loves you. the only issue is; you're a married woman

don’t break my heart this year -

you break up with Harry but you live to regret the decision

Blurbs (-5k)

fluff

tiktok challenge with harry

daddy issue teasing

new year’s eve with harry

new years day baby shopping

you’re the artist for shroom bloom

harry’s house release date reasoning

a meet cute situation

as it was voicemail

as it was livestream

mini harry

facetime with harry

capital interview

24 hours with vogue

pre-coachella

photo booth in uo

drunk harry on the kitchen floor

album listening party

late night talking music video

shy harry sleeps naked

convincing harry to speak italian

my introverted girlfriend

a simple kind of love

you live tiff through photos

your dog falls in love with harry first

my shy girlfriend

conversations on the couch

an insight to a perfect christmas

angst

harry doesn’t get a smack on the ass

you’re insecure about your abs

leaving flowers at your grave

harry debates his worth

your best friend passes away

you and harry have broken up

moving in with each other

listening to ocean eyes at coachella

you hate your stretch marks

concert hate and then love

harry is just your best friend

you hate your stretch marks

harry needs to be the little spoon

harry facetimes you all the time

you make harry’s heart warm

smut

anon explains a spanking situation*

you both break character*

dom!harry and sub!reader*

you get insecure during sex*

soft post-tour sex*

thigh riding*

post work events*

Series

harry’s house

finelinevogue ficmas

love on tour: the documentary

love island

summertime!harry

the date series

the UNIverse

HSLOT

little moments

kiss me in the dark

Extras

instagram concepts

fic rec masterlist

random ellie thoughts

picture concepts

harry styles ‘21 masterlist