#first time he really acted parental towards gray was ''keep me updated'' when he left for trill

[null-whump]

Anyone who was interested in dragon boi Nico from this post, here’s the update I promised! I wasn’t expecting a lot of interest in this so I’m not posting a linear timeline right now, but if people seem to like it I’ll definitely write more!

No big warnings for this, some mentions and implications of torture

Word Count: 2,588

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“Come on Nico, please?” Kaida put on her best pleading eyes – she even clasped her hands together for extra effect. “I promise I’ll do whatever you say, I won’t be in the way!”

“That’s not what I’m worried about,” Nico said, not even looking at her as he continued to throw various items into his bag. “I’m not going for fun, you know that.”

Kaida scowled, tail lashing against the floor as she abandoned her pleading pose. “But I could help,” she insisted. “C’mon, couldn’t you at least use the company?”

“No. It could be dangerous.”

“All the more reason for me to come!” Kaida shot back. “You shouldn’t go alone if you think there’ll be trouble!”

Nico sighed and turned to look at her. “No,” he said firmly. “I’m not risking it.”

Kaida rolled her eyes. “You act like you’re going to war or something! It’s just a big city, what are you so worried about?”

“You know how they feel about dragons there,” Nico reminded her. “It’s better if I go alone.”

“That doesn’t even make sense!” Kaida cried. “You should have someone go with you! Someone like me.”

Nico closed his bag. “If I were going to bring someone with me, it wouldn’t be you.”

Kaida huffed in frustration. “You’re not that much older than me anyway.”

“Four years is enough,” Nico retorted, turning to leave the room.

Kaida jumped after him, refusing to give up. “You guys never let me do anything with you!” She said, knowing that she sounded like a little kid but not caring. “What, is it because I’m a girl?”

“Really, Kaida?”

She jumped in front of him, blocking his path through the hall. “Just this once,” she pleaded. “Consider it an early birthday gift! I’ll even count it as three!”

“No.”

“But why –”

“Drop it, Kaida!” Nico snapped. “I said no and I’m not changing my answer.”

Kaida fell silent, choosing to glare at her brother instead. She even managed to muster some not-so-fake tears to convey her disappointment.

Nico’s expression softened. “Look,” he began. “I promise that I’ll take you with me on my next trip – but this is about finding Bae.”

Kaida didn’t say anything. She knew Nico was worried about his friend, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t take her with him, right? She could help, regardless of what he thought.

“I won’t be gone longer than two weeks,” Nico promised. “But I really can’t take you this time.”

Kaida turned away. “Sure,” she muttered bitterly.

“I’ll bring you back something cool!” Nico called as she stalked down the hall toward her room.

Kaida ignored him and slammed the door. She hoped he felt guilty about leaving her. She heard Nico saying something to their parents, then silence. She stayed in her room, resolutely not pouting, until her mom coaxed her out for dinner.

“Nico is right,” her mom said. “It’s not safe, even for him.” She turned her fork over in her hands, again and again. “I wish that Kai or Dart would have gone with him.”

“He could’ve taken me,” Kaida muttered.

“Kaida,” her dad said, a slight warning in his tone. “He’s only looking out for you.”

He looked to her mom. “He’ll be fine. He’s an adult, he can take care of himself.”

Despite his words, Kaida didn’t miss the worry in his eyes.

As the days went by, Kaida began to plan what she’d say when Nico returned. He’d tell her all about how he couldn’t possibly have taken her, because he wouldn’t want to admit he was wrong. He was wrong, she knew – sure it was dangerous, but she could handle herself! She’d be sure to let him know that. She’d stay mad at him for a few days, she decided, before she let him off the hook.

The second week passed. Then the third.

‘No longer than two weeks,’ Kaida thought to herself. ‘Sure.’ She tried to stay angry, because it distracted herself from the worry that was growing in the back of her mind. ‘It’s just taking longer than he thought it would to find Bae,’ she reasoned. ‘But I’m not letting him hear the end of it when he gets home.’

The first day of the fourth week, Kaida woke to hear hushed voices coming from the kitchen. She stumbled through the hall, her wings catching on the door as she rubbed the sleep out of her eyes. She made it to the kitchen and blinked, surprised to see her two oldest brothers speaking with her parents. She didn’t miss the worried faces, the urgency in her father’s tones.

“Kai? Dart? When’d you guys get here?” Four heads turned sharply to look at her.

“Kaida,” Dart said. “Didn’t realize you were up.”

Kaida frowned. “I didn’t know you were visiting.”

“We were in the area,” Kai said easily, but his smile was tense. “Can’t stay long though.”

Kaida eyed them suspiciously. “Is this about Nico?” She asked hesitantly, almost afraid to hear the answer. “Why isn’t he back yet?”

The four of them exchanged glances. Kaida noticed that her mom’s ash-gray skin looked paler than usual, and her dad’s usually vibrant red scales speckled across his skin had lost their luster.

“We don’t know,” her mom said slowly. “Kai and Dart have been – looking for him.” Her voice hitched over the words, as if she didn’t want to admit it.

“You mean he’s missing?” Kaida asked, her voice pitched higher. She struggled to keep control over it. “Just like how Bae was missing?”

“We’ll find him,” Kai asserted. As the oldest sibling, she had always believed in him, and his confidence was hard to ignore. “Don’t worry.”

Dart avoided her eyes. “He probably just…doesn’t realize how long it’s been.”

It wasn’t impossible. Dragons got lost outside the passage of time so easily. But Kaida didn’t believe him.

Another week passed. Kaida’s dad left in the middle of the week to join Kai and Dart. Her mom spent hours in the garden. She always worked in her garden when she was nervous. Kaida wished she had a nervous hobby. Then maybe she’d stop feeling so guilty all the time.

‘Didn’t even say goodbye.’ The thought refused to leave her mind. ‘What if I never see him again?’

The fifth week came, and Kaida’s dad returned, reluctantly admitting that he couldn’t stop working forever. At the sixth week, Kaida realized she was losing count. She started marking off the days.

Dart came to the house on day 47. He looked so hopeless that Kaida wanted to cry. But she didn’t. He spoke to their parents, too quietly for her to hear anything. When he left, her mom was holding back tears.

On day 62, Kai told her, brokenly, that he couldn’t keep looking. “We’re not getting anywhere,” he said. “I can’t – I’m not helping anything. I can’t spend so much time away from Lyra and the kids like I have been.”

“You’re giving up?” Kaida asked in disbelief. “You can’t do that!”

Kai’s expression broke her heart in half. “I’m not giving up,” he said. “But I have to step back. At least until we have something to go off of.”

Kaida swallowed back her tears. “What about Dart? What is he doing?”

Kai shook his head. “He’s looking for leads. I made him promise not to go anywhere alone.”

He didn’t have to say what they were both thinking. ‘We can’t have him disappear too.’

On day 100, Kaida nearly ripped her calendar in half. She stopped herself, anger and despair warring within her, before she settled on throwing it across the room. She broke down and sobbed for the first time since Nico had gone missing.

Day 157 was the hardest. Her mom sat at the table in the kitchen, staring out the window. She didn’t move until late in the afternoon, when she began mechanically going through the motions of preparing dinner. Kaida tried very hard not to think about anything.

‘He’s turning 20 today.’ She remembered, in a detached sort of way, that the first year after losing someone was the worst, the most painful to get through. She didn’t believe it would be ever be better she wasn’t sure she wanted it to be.

That night, Kai and Dart burst through the door with more energy than they had displayed in months. Kai was speaking too fast and his words were too broken to understand; Dart was gripping Kai’s arm tightly and his mouth was a thin line. Kaida stayed at the edge of the room, afraid, because she had never seen Kai in such a state. He kept repeating the same thing;

“I heard him, he was talking to me, I heard him, and I couldn’t do anything –”

“He’s alive?” Their mom’s voice was tight with apprehension. “You’re sure of it?”

Kai shook his head, but it wasn’t denial. “He was so scared,” he whispered, burying his face in his hands. “He’s being held somewhere, and he’s –” He cut himself off quickly, throwing a glance in Kaida’s direction.

“Why would they let him speak to you?” Their dad asked, the barest trace of hope evident in his voice.

Dart grimaced, his grip on Kai’s arm tightening, his voice laced with venom when he spoke. “A birthday present.”

They never heard anything after that. By day 297, Kaida was shocked to realize that it almost seemed normal. She spent the entire day going through pictures, and she cried. She couldn’t quite recall Nico’s voice.

When Kaida marked off day 365, her hand shook almost too much to hold the pen. She stared blankly at the calendar, unaware of how long it had been until the shadows in her room began to darken. She didn’t sleep that night.

‘Didn’t even say goodbye.’

She couldn’t bring herself to stop counting. Then, on day 394, Kai came with news.

“Don’t get your hopes up,” he said, slowly, hesitantly. “Dart thinks he found a good lead.”

Kaida wasn’t hopeful. She was afraid. She was afraid that they would find Nico – that they would find him dead. She didn’t mention her fears to her parents.

On day 400, Dart came to update them. He looked hopeful for the first time in months. “We’re going to find him,” he said, and the confidence that had been missing for so long was back in his voice. “We have an informant. It’s only a matter of time.”

“Tell us as soon as he’s safe,” their mother insisted. A year of worry was painstakingly clear on her face.

It was day 415 that Kai entered the house, his face a mixture of relief and pain.

“Is he alright?” Kaida burst out, unable to let the adults do all the talking. “Did you find him?”

Kai opened his mouth, then closed it again. “We found him,” he finally answered.

They waited, breathless.

“He’s…alive,” Kai said.

“Where is he now?” Their father was on his feet, probably ready to fly out the door in an instant.

Kai hesitated. “We brought him to Michael’s house for now. He…needed a doctor.”

Their parent’s exchanged glances. Michael had been friends with her brothers since they were boys, and he was a certified nurse. But why not bring him home? Or to a hospital if he was hurt?

“Is he…alright?” Their mother asked.

Kai avoided their eyes. “He’ll recover,” he said. “Physically, at least…”

Kaida didn’t want to think about the implications of that statement. “What happened to him? Where was he all this time?”

Kai looked at her as if just realizing she was there. He glanced at their parents. “Maybe I should talk to you alone.”

“No!” Kaida protested. “He’s my brother too! How do you think I’ve felt this whole time?” She cut herself off, tears gathering in her eyes. “Please,” she said, her voice breaking. “Not knowing is worse.”

So, Kai told them, in broken and halting sentences, about a man whose identity was still unknown, who led one of the most powerful gangs in the city. A man who had made it his personal mission to rid the city of ‘monsters’. The man who had held Nico prisoner for over a year, hurt him, tortured him, for no reason other than that he hated anyone who was not human.

Kaida thought, in a bitter, yet detached sort of way, that he had earned the real title of monster – certainly more than Nico ever had.

Kai refused to go into more detail. “When you see him,” he said carefully. “He might not react well. You need to be prepared.”

It was another two days before Kaida was allowed to visit her brother. She stood outside the door, Dart at her side, finding herself terrified of taking another step.

“He’s used to us being there,” Dart had explained. “But I’m sure he’ll be fine with you,” he had added, seeing the look on her face. “But it might…take a minute.”

Steeling her nerves, Kaida gently opened the door. Dart stepped in ahead of her, and she was close to follow. She nearly cried again when she saw Nico. He was sitting on the floor, his back against the wall, his knees drawn up to his chest. His wings were drawn around his frame, and his tail was curled tightly around his feet.

Dart crouched down beside him, motioning for Kaida to follow. “Nico,” he said quietly. “I brought Kaida. She’d have killed us if we kept her away any longer,” he laughed.

Nico’s wings slowly folded outward, allowing Kaida to see more of his body. His head stayed down, but he reached out his hand, slowly, shakily. Dart nodded at her, and she put her hand in his. His breath caught.

“Good to see you again,” she choked out. She remembered what Kai and Dart had told her – that he had trouble speaking, now – that he could barely get out one sentence at the best of times. Maybe it was selfish, but she desperately wanted to hear his voice again. “I – I missed you.”

His grip on her hand tightened. He turned his head to face her, but kept his gaze down, refusing to meet her eyes. He opened his mouth, but stopped, as if afraid to speak. Kaida held her breath.

“You-you’re – b-b-bigger.”

A short laugh forced itself out of Kaida’s throat. “I’m probably as tall as you now,” she said, trying to put some sort of lightheartedness into her tone.

Nico didn’t smile, as such, but she thought he relaxed slightly. He opened his mouth again, then shut it, then opened it again. His grip on her hand tightened, before he was able to speak, in a halting, broken whisper.

“I t-told you – it was too d-dangerous.”

For several seconds, Kaida forgot how to breathe. “You were right,” she whispered, unable to stop the tears gathering in her eyes.

She leaned forward, slowly, carefully, and put her arms around her brother. He flinched, startled, but after a moment of hesitation, brought his arms up to return the embrace. Kaida cried, unaware of anything but the presence of the brother she had been apart from for so long. She felt how frail he was, his clothes hiding the injuries she knew were there.

Her brother was home, safe, but so hurt and broken and different that she almost felt as if he were still gone. But he was safe, he was with them again, his family. They would get through this – they had to.

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Starting a tag list with @just-a-whumping-racoon-with-wifi! If you’d like to be added just let me know :)

[caffeinated-mendes]

desolate palaces - a shawn mendes one-shot

masterlist

previous work

synopsis: (written intentionally in lowercase) you’re the daughter and heir to the throne of your parent’s country. while away on a business deal with a foreign country, visitors arrive, the son and niece of an allied country to yours, shawn and kennedy mendes. you’ve been longing for someone to talk to, and you wonder what could happen in the month that they’ll be there.

a/n: hi! sorry for not uploading sooner, school has been hectic. i love royal fics, so i wrote another one! also, a new updated masterlist is coming soon :) love you guys!

word count: 2k

warnings: none

*if you prefer, you can read this on my ao3 instead of here

today was the day someone would arrive. after months of your parents being overseas, two people would show. you hoped your palace would be less empty and gray, maybe filled with a little more cheer, as maids and cooks didn’t do much. sitting at your vanity, in the expanseful room you occupied, you applied light makeup to your face to give some color back to it. your room, although vibrant, was always dulled from the lighting coming from the windows. where your family’s home was, there was barely a day of sun until summer arrived.

a maid had told you that of the two people coming, they were cousins: one, a little girl, a toddler, and the other, a boy your age. they were of rich parentage and experienced the lifestyle you had, which comforted you. looking into the mirror, your hair was swept up into dutch-braided chignon, and your face adorned jade earrings that complemented your skin. you wore a black, flowy blouse with cuffed sleeves, and plaid pants with combat boots. you liked to mash an elegant style with edgy style, much to the distaste of your mother. but she wasn’t here now, so it didn’t matter.

you couldn’t help but wonder what the boy would look like. creating a certain tanned, blonde-haired figure in your mind, you imagined him arriving up into the foyer with a golden glow emanating around him and his adorable baby cousin, bringing shreds of happiness into your life, at least for a time.

you’d spent the afternoon reading on your nook, overlooking the window that faced the circular driveway. you waited and waited for a black car to turn along the greenery-laden paths, and your heart sank every time when it wasn’t there. finally, after dozing off nearly till the sun set, a rumble of an ignition woke you, and you pressed your hand to the glass as you saw the sleek car pull up to the steps of the palace. placing your navy-blue hardcover on your blanket, you shot up from the nook and ran down the winding corridors, hopping down flights of stairs, and almost knocking over several people until you reached the big, brooding oak doors of the castle.

guards winked at you as you breathlessly waited for the doors to open.  your cheeks were in no doubt flushed from the excitement and running, and you had to hold your hands behind your back to keep yourself from shaking.

after what seemed like an eternity, the doors opened to reveal the exact opposite of what you imagined. he was beautiful, just not in the way you thought he would be. but somehow, you already knew you liked this better. he was tall and pale, with broad shoulders and muscled arms, and flushed cheeks. his smile was charming, and his curly hair sometimes swept into his face, covering his brown-green eyes. looking down, you saw a tiny figure holding his big hand by the fingers. she had the same hair as him, curly as ever, with a beautiful blue bow tying it up into a ponytail. the blue of the bow matched her striking eyes exactly, and you could tell she was going to be quite the fierce lady.

“lady y/n, i present to you, shawn and kennedy mendes.” you bowed your head as shawn took your hand to kiss. his lips were warm, but didn’t stay on your hand very long. his cousin, kennedy, did a small courtesy, picking up her white dress and shyly smiling. it reminded you of how you acted as a child. always hidden away, not being great at confrontation.

you flushed, looking at shawn, and then smiling down at kennedy, “it’s such a pleasure to have you both here. come walk with me, i’ll show you your rooms,” you hated this formal speaking that spewed from your mouth, but years of practice ingrained it into your mind. the guards began to follow you, but you motioned with your hand to stay down on the first floor. taking the winding staircase, you walked with shawn and kennedy to a expanseful white hallway. the crown molding of the walls were delicately carved with golden detailing and the floor, a dark hardwood, was adorned with a blue rug that ran along the halls. 

“kennedy, your room will be first,” you opened the first door on the right with a smile to reveal all that a child could want: board games stacked along shelves that also held countless books. next to it, a child’s bed with a thick, yellow plaid duvet. pillows with embroidered sunflowers were placed neatly at the head of the bed. in the corner, a dollhouse sat collecting dust, as it had been untouched since you were a child. although kennedy didn’t seem to gravitate towards that, as she drifted across the room to a child’s science playset. toy flasks with neon green and blue liquids sat on the black table next to a lab coat, which kennedy put over her dress. 

“she seems to like the science table,” shawn quietly spoke to you, leaning into your ear, as the two of you watched from the doorway.

you grinned, “i think we should leave her to her experiments. we can’t disturb scientific discoveries in-the-making.” shawn nodded and grinned at you, and the two of you turned out of the room. a maid rushed down the hallway to watch kennedy while you led shawn to his bedroom. “your room is just next door to mine. they keep the children's rooms together, but we’re still in the same hallway.” towards the end, on the left side, you led shawn into his room, which was much emptier than kennedy’s. there was a nightstand with blue-covered bed, and a closet. the whole room seemed very unlived in. “whatever you want to put in here, i can ask. i know there’s not much, but i can get anything you like. books, instruments, clothes…”

“thank you, lady y/n.” i think i’m fine for now, but all i ask is, where’s your library and music room?”

you waved your hand dismissively, “just call me y/n. they’re down our hall, the first rooms to the left.”

“thank you.” his smile seemed to make you feel warm inside, and you longed for something that you couldn’t describe, as you didn’t really know what it was.

later that night

you awoke in a cold sweat, hearing knocking on your door. pushing your covers aside, you got out of bed and walked to your door, opening it. there stood shawn, in his pajamas: flannel black and gray pants, and a white t-shirt. “sorry to bother you, but i just heard you calling for someone. and it sounded like you were in pain, so i came to your door to see if you were okay.” at this point you felt very vulnerable, seeing as you were wearing a tank top and shorts, and you didn’t look as put together as you did in the morning. your long hair fell across your back, tickling your neck.

“oh, i guess i had a nightmare,” you wiped sweat from your forehead, “thank you for checking on me, shawn. i’m sorry i woke you up.” you nervously put a piece of hair behind your ear.

“don’t be sorry, i was awake. it’s hard for me to sleep in new beds.” on his face crept a pink flush, and you couldn’t help but think he looked best this way. no fancy clothes, fluffy hair that wasn’t styled.

somehow, a different, less rational part of your brain spoke, “do you want to come in? i don’t think i’m going back to sleep anytime soon.” shawn seemed a little nervous, like he didn’t want to intrude, but you beckoned him in anyway. 

“you have a lot of books and puzzles,” shawn laughed, looking at your shelves. you turned on a lamp, illuminating the room. 

opening your closet and putting on a jacket, you replied, “it passes the time. it’s pretty lonely here.”

“do you have any siblings?” shawn asked. he sat on your nook, looking out of the window, into the bleak, grassy fields. you came out of your closet.

“no, my parents decided they’d have me and then leave me with the maids,” this sarcastic humor seemed to resonate with shawn, as his lips turned the slightest bit. “do you want to do a puzzle?” shawn nodded, looking at the ones on your shelf. getting up, he picked one of a small, suburban home, and sat on your floor. you joined him.

how ironic it was that he picked the one you would’ve picked. it was only what the two of you dreamed of.

“how long are you staying here?” you asked shawn.

shawn shrugged, “i think a month or so. our parents are off to make some sort of deal with a foreign country. they had the great idea of let’s keep our kids locked in the same place so that we can keep an eye on all of them without the extra work! you snorted at that, suddenly so embarrassed that you made that kind of sound. shawn seemed to find it hilarious, doubling over and laughing.

one week later

shawn and you had gotten very close over the past few days. on the rare sunny days, you’d go outside and bring kennedy to pick flowers from the garden, and without the guards seeing, climb trees. the three of you had become quite the team, but sometimes it seemed as though you and shawn really were the ones connecting, watching kennedy have fun from a distance. 

the maids would scold you from down the halls as you stole buttered rolls for dinner from the kitchen, running out in a flurry with shawn, a dozen of rolls in your arms. he was quite the prankster. sometimes, he’d play guitar for you, asking if you liked it. you’d been trained in music theory as a child, so you knew most of the things he talked about.

one evening, after checking that kennedy was asleep, the two of you went into your room, singing together while shawn played the guitar. it was one of your favorite songs he had written. the melody made you feel like you were floating on a cloud, and the words spoke of a love so strong, that even if the two separated, they’d always be connected somehow.

“i love it, shawn,” you’d said to him, while the two of you sat on the window nook. the window was open, and cold air gave you goosebumps along your arms. “the melody’s so sweet and vulnerable-” shawn took your hand in his, and put the guitar against the wall. 

“it’s about you. what i hope for us to be.” shawn looked straight into your eyes, his gaze never wavering.

you quirked your eyebrow, “what?”

“i’ve been in love with you ever since that night i arrived. i didn’t know it, but every morning when i woke up, there was someone to see, something to do.” 

your stomach flipped in on itself, and your heartbeat quickened. you realized that feeling you’ve felt all along, it had been about shawn. he leaned forward, pushing your hair over your shoulder, and kissed you so tenderly and with so much fear that you’d almost told him to stop, if it wasn’t for the feeling of bliss that coursed through your veins.

you gained confidence, kissing him back, and as you separated, your smile felt genuine, like something you hadn’t felt in a long time. he leaned back against your wall of the nook, shutting the window. you leaned into his side, somehow fitting perfectly on the incredibly small space. with a sigh, you put your arm around his neck, saying, “i hope you don’t have to leave soon.”

shawn grinned and pulled you closer to him, whispering, “i never want to leave.”

[dddsfics]

New update for “Opposites Attract”

After finishing her cup of coffee and taking a good 30 minutes to figure out what say, Ellen began the daunting task of replying to her texts. Some she gave a quick response to, others she knew she had to call. The problem was that the ones who deserved a phone call were the ones who were going to keep her on the phone for a least an hour. And oh did they ever. By the time she had finished answering half her texts and making all of her important phone calls it had somehow become 4:30 in the afternoon. How time flies when you aren’t in an office, she thought.

Charlie would be home in only an hour. Although the shop was open until 6, his position as both co-owner and head mechanic meant he could essentially work his own hours. And she knew damn well he would be home as early as possible to check on her. Yet here she was, still in her goddamn sweats from last night. Yeah, that was really going to make a good impression. Charlie was out working hard to support the two of them, while she hadn’t done a thing besides vent to her friends and listen to lectures on the phone for hours from her family. On top of that, she hadn’t cleaned any part of the house. She hadn’t even given a thought to dinner (which Charlie always prepared so it was hot when she got home). And she was starting to look as disheveled as a 16-year-old going through her first break up.

I can’t let him see me like this

With Ellen’s wardrobe seriously lacking in options, she decided to raid Charlie’s closet. Even if she still dressed down, she hoped sporting something of his would add somewhat of a sexy element to the ensemble. She was immediately drawn to the gray sweatshirt with a logo of one of Charlie’s favorite pubs. It looked incredibly cozy and, fortunately for her, still had a hint of his scent. So she traded her own shirt for his, and slipped into the one pair of jeans tucked away in her dresser drawer.

She finally hurried off into the kitchen and took a good, long look at the inventory in the fridge. She wasn’t even sure what she could whip from the mishmosh of items in there. Charlie certainly had the cooking skills for that. Her? Not so much.

Just as she had grabbed her phone to began looking at delivery options, a text from Charlie popped up on her phone. “Want me 2 grab dinner?”

With a smile, she texted him back a kissy face. Always the life saver.

.....:....................

“I can’t remember the last time we’ve had lunch...or that I’ve seen you in daylight.”

Ellen chuckled, but Margo had a point. Outside of work events the past couple of years, she hadn’t had much of a life. Not to mention Margo had become quite busy raising a family so the two rarely saw each other these days. But after she had reached out to Ellen the prior day and offered to meet up for lunch, she saw no reason not to reconnect.

“How have you been taking this huge change?”

Ellen sighed and rolled the cherry tomato from her salad around on her plate. “Well yesterday I didn’t get dressed until after 4:00 and I forgot to eat lunch so...you tell me.”

“Honestly, and I know you probably don’t believe me right now, but getting let go was the best thing to ever happen to me. I was able to figure out my priories, take a good hard look at myself, Roger and I were finally able to start a family and I don’t feel like my entire life is run by my career.”

“But that was three years ago.”

Margo raised her eyebrows as if to challenge her. “Exactly. Look how much has changed.”

Ellen didn’t know what to say. Sure, things for Margo had gotten easier over time. But she was a mess for at least six months when it had happened. Had she forgotten that?

“So how are things going with Charlie? Maybe now might be the time to talk about settling down, if that’s something you’re interested in of course.”

“Margo, I think that baby train has left the station.” Ellen was trying her hardest not to roll her eyes at her friend.

“Hardly. You still have time left if you’re really dedicated to the idea.”

The look Ellen gave her made it crystal clear she wasn’t.

“Well, there are other ways to ‘settle down’ you know. Although what you and Charlie have seems to be working so I don’t blame you if you both want to keep things as they are.”

Ellen felt her mind start to wander, then caught herself before she got lost in a train of thought. “Yeah, things are great between us. Not sure we really need anything else, you know?”

Margo nodded, then took a bite of her turkey sandwich. “Well one thing’s for sure. He seems to be over the moon for you. I’d do anything to get Roger acting like that around me again.”

Ellen wasn’t sure what to say, so she let her friend continue as she nibbled away at her salad.

“And after seeing you with Joel and that horrendous asshole Greg, Charlie is even more of a dream. I’m glad you have him. And whatever you do, don’t let him go.”

——

As Ellen drove back to the house, she kept replaying her conversation with Margo in her head. What she and Charlie had was great. They had been together for three years, living together for one and things were better than ever. Effortless, really. The two of them had honestly never had a discussion about marriage. Of course, Charlie knew Ellen had been engaged before to the corporate douchebag known as Joel, but she made it clear that she left him because she finally came to realize what a snake he was. It wasn’t a fear of commitment. Not in the least. But, why had she never even thought about walking down the aisle for real this time? Had he thought about it?

Although Charlie was quite the romantic, he didn’t seem like the marriage type. Hell, he was that stereotypical bachelor when they met. The thought still made her laugh. But he had a capacity for romance that few other men could match. It was one of the many reasons she fell in love with him.

Charlie would no doubt make a great husband. But would she be able to fill the role of wife? 

Does he even see me as marriage material?

She became so lost in thought that she almost drove past a stop sign. “Shit.”

Thanks a lot, Margo.

——

That night, after the she and Charlie enjoyed the pasta they had whipped up together, Ellen asked if he wanted to go on a walk. Though he was caught off guard by her out-of-character suggestion, he was more than happy to oblige.

As he locked the door behind them, Ellen stood on the porch and closed her eyes to breathe in the crisp autumn air. Somehow it was even more gorgeous outside on this particular evening than it had been just the previous morning.

“Just beautiful,” Charlie said softly as he wrapped his arms around her from behind.

She felt herself melt into him and let out a content sigh. “Isn’t it?”

“I was talking about you.”

Immediately Ellen began to blush, just as she always had whenever he complimented her. Something about the way he said it was just enough to send chills down her spine in the best way possible.

Charlie planted a kiss on the top of her head, then moved to her side and linked his hand with hers, leading her down towards the road.

They walked slowly in sync, saying very little to each other for the first time that night. Charlie appeared to be taking in the sights and sounds of the evening, humming a tune while rubbing her hand with his thumb. Ellen’s mind, however, was elsewhere. All evening she had been trying to muster up the courage to bring up the topic of marriage. But she couldn’t figure out where the hell to begin.

“You’re awfully quiet tonight.” Apparently he had noticed that her mind was elsewhere. Oops.

“Babe,” she finally managed to say. “Have you ever thought about...”

She stopped mid-sentence, prompting Charlie to squeeze her fingers as if he were encouraging her to continue.

“...getting a dog?”

Charlie stopped in his tracks to look down at her with a confused smile. “A dog?”

She had no idea where that had come from. “I...yeah, I mean it could be fun.” Her voice was getting higher by the second.

He gently pulled his hand away from hers, then began to caress her back as they walked. “Well, why don’t we visit the shelter this weekend then? Get a jump start on our new role as pet parents,” he said, clearly giddy.

And just like that, Ellen felt like her entire world was turning upside down for the second time that week.

[stupidheadwithablog]

Robin Hood Chapter One

The area around my left eye was sore and it was starting to swell shut thanks to me getting punched there. I’d just beaten the crap out of some guy a year older than I am in the local library who thought it was a good idea to called me a selfish bitch simply because he somehow managed to found out that I’m still a virgin. Okay, technically it was my own fault that he’d found that out, but it’s not my fault his dumb self didn’t know the correct meaning of what a virgin is! Not only that, once I told him what it meant he said that it should be illegal for females over fourteen to be one! What the fuck!?!

Anyways, I’m sixteen, so I’m not even worried about still being a virgin. No one my age should, in my opinion. I told him that too, and that jerk said how his own father taught him how females are only good for being in the bed or in the kitchen.

I kind of feel bad for him, being brainwashed to believe those majorly outdated ideas by his own father. I feel bad for his mom too, if she’s still even with his father. I sure hope she isn’t still with a jerk like that.

It made me megapissed when he tried to force himself on me after insulting me for my opinions, so the way I see it is that I had no other choice but to beat him up for trying that shit on me.

I’d gotten banned from the library for a month while he’d gotten kicked out for life. It sucks for him since I’d seen him in there a bunch, but he really should have know better than to try something like that in a public area.

It would have been a lifetime for the both of us, but thankfully for me, my brother had the smart idea to record the whole fight on his phone. It was proof that I didn’t start it and was only fighting back as self defense, seeing as how I didn’t start fighting until after he’d pressed his lips on mine. I feel gross thinking about it. I thank whatever powerful force out there that’s keeping this planet together for planting the idea of phones having cameras into someone’s head.

The lower part of my left arm is a bit sore along with my eye, and there was a hand mark there thanks to him grabbing my arm there really tight when he’d forced his mouth on mine. My knee is sore too from when I’d kneed him in the privates after he forced me to kiss him and my knuckles are pretty sore and two of them on each hand are starting to bleed from all the times I’d punched him. I’d definitely need some icepacks and bandages once I got back to my foster home.

“Robin, you’re not hurt too bad, are you?” My brother asked, ever the worrier he is.

“He managed to get a few good hits in, but nothing bad enough that I’d need to see a doctor, so you don’t need to worry about me.” I told him, pulling my hair out of my face and back into a wolf tail with one of the hair ties I tend to keep on my wrist.

It would have been a ponytail, except for the fact that I shaved the hair off of the back and sides of my head almost a week ago, leaving my red hair only on the top of my head, reaching just below my shoulders.

“Do you want to get it iced?”

“Not right now. Can I have her back now?” I asked my brother, gesturing to my beat up black and dark green backpack.

“Here you go.” He said, carefully passing the bag over to me. Opening it up, I looked at the tiny black and white dog that, at this point, was more gray than anything.

“You’re a good girl, you know that? You stayed quiet the whole time we were in the library!” I told her, playfully moving her ears around for a bit before scratching her behind them. I reached into my pocket and pulled out a zip lock bag that I used to keep dog treats for her. I let out a sigh when I saw that there was only a few left. That wouldn’t last very long with how much the tiny dog tended to eat.

“This is one of the last few, but you deserve it.” I said, handing her the treat that looked like a tiny hotdog in a hotdog bun.

My brother Jonathan and I have lived in foster care ever since our parents died when we were little. I’m the older one out of the two of us. With the two of us constantly being passed around from one foster home to another, the two of us quickly realized that the only ones we could rely on always being there no matter what were each other.

Then there’s my dog, Ellie. She’s a mix of multiple breeds of dogs and the only one I’m able to recognize is Papillion thanks to those butterfly ears of hers that look like they’re flapping every time she jumps or I go to toss her on my bed.

My mom gave her to me as my fifth birthday present when she was already two years old. She’s thirteen now, which saddens me whenever I think about it because I had to take her to the vet a few months ago to get her shots updated and they said that they only expect her to only live at least one more year, two if we’re lucky.

“Hey, since it’s nice out and we’re not really expected back for a couple more hours, how would you feel if we were to go to that pizzeria down the street?” I asked my brother, walking backwards after jumping in front of his path so I could face him while talking. If there was a car driving on any of the roads we had to walk across, he would let me know.

“The pizza there is super greasy and expensive. Also, you didn’t have any money last time I checked.” He said, stopping at a street corner. If we walked straight according to the direction he was facing it would eventually lead us back to the foster house we were staying at. However, if we went left, according to the direction I’m facing, right according to the direction he was facing, it would quickly take us to the pizzeria.

“Hey, I actually like greasy pizza! Besides, you and I both know that there’s barely anything in the kitchen back home and I’m hungry. Also, what makes you think I don’t have any money?” I asked him, holding up the two fifty dollar bills I managed to slip out of the jerk’s pockets during the fight. When I referred to the foster home as home, I didn’t mean it. It was a fact I didn’t have to say out loud because of him being fully aware of that. After all, he felt the same way about that place. “You know what? If it makes you feel any better, I’ll ask the workers there if I can have some ice to put on my eye. Does that make you feel any better?”

“You and your sticky fingers.” Jonathan said laughing, turning towards his right.

“Crappy pizza, here we come!” I said, laughing as well.

~~~~~

“Wait, so he took the sister instead?” I heard a familiar voice say, walking into the pizzeria. I tried to ignore what he said and instead, I tore off a piece of crust from the first slice of pizza I had so I could feed it to my tiny mix breed dog that I had managed to smuggle into the pizza shop by keeping her in my backpack. I twirled my finger in the air around her muzzle before poking her on the nose when she gave me a look that I recognized as her wanting more.

“Yep. Apparently she wasn’t as attractive, but she made sure to make it up to him, if you know what I mean.” I heard a second familiar voice say. I was unable to place a face with the voices, so I found myself turning around to figure out who they were.

“Oh, dear god.” I said, pulling the hood from my jacket up while turning back around.

“Rob, what is it?” My brother said around the mouthful of his pepperoni pizza.

“You see the two boys that just walked in? The blonde is the one that kicked me out of the seat and told me to go jump off a bridge because no one likes me after I had a super crappy day at school, and the brunette is the one that started to spread rumors around the school that I’m his baby mama and sell myself super cheep.” I told him, trying to stretch my hood further over my face.

“They’re the ones that did that to you? They can’t do that to you and get away with it. I’m going to go beat them up.” Jonathan said, placing down his pizza before attempting to slide out of the booth we were sitting in.

“Don’t you dare, Little John. You don’t even come close to swinging a proper punch and I’m not about to risk both of us getting kicked out of a building in the same day.” I said, moving my leg so it blocked him from sliding out any further by placing my foot against the back of the bench he was sitting on.

Little John was originally our parents nickname for him thanks to him being named after our father. With both of them gone, I try to use it whenever I see the chance. Most of the time, that’s times like this when I need him to calm down.

“Thank you. Now just finish your pizza and root beer so we can get out of here.” I said, placing my foot back on the floor and taking a bite out of my mushroom and chicken pizza when he slid back to his seat. “Chances are that they might not even notice me anyway. Hardly anyone ever pays attention to me anyway, you know that.”

“Yeah, I know that. Doesn’t mean I think it’s right. You’re one of the most caring people I know. People should be able to realize that you exist.”

“Hey, I’m notas nice as you like to make me out to be. If I don’t like someone, I like to make sure they know it and I get into fights a lot because of that.” I told him, acting like he’d managed to insult me.

“I said that you’re caring, meaning that you tend to help people out whenever you can, even if they’re not fully on your good side. Like when you were in fifth grade and ran to get the school nurse when Lillian Merlin fell off the swings and landed on her arm even though she liked to trip you every time you walked past her.”

“Boy, she didn’t just fall off the swings and land on her arm! She flew at least ten feet away from the swing set and ended slamming her arm on the ground so hard that it ended up breaking!” I said, reaching for my large cup of sweet ice tea with the intentions of taking a huge gulp.

“Hey Tom, look who’s here!” I heard the blond boy, David say.

“Please tell me they’re not looking in our direction.” I whispered to my brother.

“Sorry. They’re walking our way right now.” He whispered back.

“Screw my luck. Don’t you dare try to step in.” I said, turning to sit so my legs were outside of the booth, getting ready to stand up.

“Hey, lesbo, who’s your girlfriend?” I heard Thomas, the brunette say, actually insulting my brother.

“Well look who it is, Tweedle Dumb and Tweedle Dumber.” I said, reaching behind me to make sure I was able to reach my cup of iced tea in case I felt the need to splash it on them as I stood up. “For the record you two, that’s not my girlfriend. He’s my brother.”

“What did you just call us?” Thomas, the brunette said.

“Well, I was originally going to call you two Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum, after the two characters from Alice in Wonderland. You know, those two fat twins that fought each other over stuff of theirs that would go missing? You probably don’t since it doesn’t look like the two of you have willingly read a book in your life.” I said, feeling proud at the insulted looks on their faces. That’s exactly what I wanted.

“Then I decided against it, seeing how it would be an insult to two of the characters of my favorite books since they somehow still manage to seem smarter than you. Then I decided that I could call you two Dumb and Dumber instead, after the two main characters in those two movies that came out in the nineteen hundreds, but then I decided against that too since it would be an insult to those two hilarious movies. So instead, I just decided to just mix the two ideas together.” I told them, smirking when I saw Thomas clench his fingers into fists.

“Hey, don’t you two boys start! You’re lucky I let the two of you come back here at all after breaking two tables during the last fight you two had in here!” We heard the owner call out from behind the counter as Thomas reached up to punch me in my already swollen eye.

“By now!” I called after them as they walked out the pizzeria, warning me how they were planning on getting me the next chance they get. The thing that worried me was how they were staring at my bag. I really hope they didn’t notice Ellie. And if they had, I really hoped that they weren’t planning on doing anything to her.

“Dang. That was bold of you to say that to them!” Jonathan said as I sat down.

“Yeah well, when I told you two days ago that I was done taking crap from anyone, I meant it. Now hurry up and finish your food. It’s going to get dark soon and you know how he always wants us all back before the streetlights start turning on.” I said, stuffing the rest of my pizza into my mouth, making sure to save the crust for Ellie, before moving to finish off the rest of my half of the small plate of spaghetti the two of us decided to split. The ‘he’ was referring to our foster father who is a controlling jerk while the ‘us’ was referring to me, my brother, and the other foster kids the jerk was supposed to take care of.

“Crap, you’re right!” He said, stuffing his face as well after checking the time on his phone.

~~~~~

.

“Johnny, hurry up. The street lights are starting to turn on!” I yelled back to my brother who was a few feet behind me. “Seriously. How are you that much slower than me? I’m running with Ellie in my arms and yet you’re pretty far behind me!”

“Yeah well do you think you could slow down a bit? You know I’ve never been as fast as you!” He said back to me as I was adjusting Ellie in my jacket while running. After the first couple of months of carrying her around like I do, I noticed how it was safer if I had her tucked into my jacket while it was zipped up and held her still in it than if I were to just have her wrapped up in my arms. Less chance of her falling out of my arms that way with the way I tend to run.

“Well, excuse me for not wanting to get in trouble again! I know you’re fully aware of what happened last time I got in trouble with him!” I called back to him, stopping at the next street corner so I could wait for him to catch up with me.

I reallyreallydidn’t want to get in trouble with our foster father again. The last time I missed the sunset curfew was during the school’s spring break. He’d ended up locking me up in my room until school the break was over with no food, water, or bathroom privileges. He could easily do that too, since my bedroom door handle locks from the hallway and there’s no way to lock or unlock the handle from inside the bedroom. I couldn’t see myself surviving that week if it weren’t for the fact that my brother had been willing to get in trouble himself in order to sneak in sandwiches to me via my bedroom window. Our foster father is also the reason why I have a tendency to carry my little mutt with me everywhere I go. I don’t think I would be able to take it very well if anything were to happened to her.

“Jay look, something’s going on.” I said, noticing some red and blue flashing lights coming from what looked like our street. Noticing that we stopped, Ellie popped her head out of the opening of my jacket and started barking at the police lights. She knew that for me and my brother, police lights meant nothing but bad news, so she tended to not be a fan of them because of that. I was just glad that they didn’t have their sirens on, with how they tend to hurt Ellie’s ears.

“Hush, Ells.” I said, handing her a small piece of pizza crust from the zip lock bag full of crust pieces I had in one of my jacket pockets. Thankfully, she accepted the food and stopped barking. The little glutton will do whatever I want as long as I give her a bit of food after telling her what I want her to do. Unless it’s tricks. I never did manage to teach her any.

“Sir, you’re under arrest for neglecting to take care of minors placed under your care. Anything you say or do can and will be used against you in the court of law.” At that, me and my brother took one look at each other before taking off towards the lights, hoping that the police would be reading the rights to the person we hoped they were.

It was exactly who we thought it was. Our foster father. Looks like we would be moving to another home, again. At this point, I’d completely lost count of how many different places we’ve been moved to.

With my arms getting tired from how long I’d been carrying her, I quickly but carefully placed Ellie back into my backpack.

“Miss, my brother and I are two of the foster kids he was put in charge of. Is it okay if we go inside to grab our stuff real quick?” I asked one of the female cops.

“We have the names of the foster kids he should have been taking care of. Just tell me you and your brother’s names and if I see them, you can go in.” She said.

“Robin Marie Woodson and Jonathan Daniel Woodson.” I heard my brother say from behind me. This is the fifth time we’ve seen a situation like this with all the different foster homes we’ve been placed in.

“Jonathan, you can go in. I just need to ask your sister something real quick.” She said after finding our names.

“It says here that you have a dog, yet we didn’t see any dog when we went inside. Do you know why that is?”

“Yes I do mam. She was almost killed by the foster parents me and my brother got stuck with in our first home, so I’ve been carrying her around with me everywhere I go ever since. The day they almost killed her was also the same day they hospitalized my brother. He was seven at the time and I was the one to call the cops on them. Chances are that you might be able to find that I’ve been the one to call the cops on multiple foster homes we’ve gotten stuck in and that with almost every time, you blues have found what I’ve said to be true. The other times were the times the fosters managed to hide whatever it was I was reporting.” I told her, I was trying to be polite to her, but that didn’t stop a rude tone from entering my voice near the end.

“Now if you don’t have any more questions, I better go pack my stuff.” I said walking away.

‘I wasn’t the one to report him this time, so who did?’ I thought, walking towards what’s now no longer my room. ‘Probably doesn’t really matter.’

Once I got to the room, I closed the door and placed down my backpack and placed it down with the zipper open so Ellie could walk around the room while I was packing. After making sure she managed to get out by herself, I walked over to my closet and pulled out the duffle bag I had shoved on the top shelf and tossed onto my bed, which was really just a pillow and a torn, falling apart blanket on top of an even more beat up mattress.

Hearing the mostly empty bag slam onto the bed, Ellie jumped out of fright and turned in the direction she heard the noise come from. I laughed when her ears managed to perk up even more than they already were after spotting the duffle bag as she ran over and started rubbing her sides all over the bag before wiggling all over the bed and floor. I knew from watching how she behaves over the years that her doing that meant she hated it here and was glad that we were leaving. I was glad I wasn’t the only one who felt that way.

I heard someone walking towards the bedroom door as I finally managed to start pulling my clothes off some of the hangers.

“Need some help?” I heard my brother ask, opening the door. It was sort of a tradition we had where if one of us were to finish packing first we would always go and help the other finish packing after.

“Are you kidding me? I just started getting my clothes out. Of course I need help!” I said as he walked in, closing the door behind him.

“You were getting distracted by Ellie again, weren’t you?” He asked, taking some of the clothes out of my arms.

“Maaaybe.” I said, slightly embarrassed. He just laughed as he started to help me put my clothes away. Like it when I’m able to get him laughing by even the smallest, dumbest things I do. It helps me remember that no matter how crappy our situation might become in the next house, or how bad it might have seemed in the previous places, that it’s always possible for us to find ways to be happy.

~~~~~

“This is the last house I could find in the area that was willing to take in both you two and the dog. You two mess this up and I’ll either end up having to separate you two from each other or finding that little Ellie of yours a new home.” Our social worker, Jasmine Agreste said. She’d been working with us since the beginning.

“We understand, Mrs. A.” I said. I knew for a fact that she was married and had a daughter a few years younger than me from the time me and Jonathan ended up staying in her house for a few months thanks to there being no homes at all available at the time. I was actually on sort of friendly terms with her daughter, who on one occasion admitted that she sees me like an older sister.

I don’t know how I feel about her or her mom though. It’s been hard for me to trust people other than my brother. I guess I could consider us friends.

“So, what could you tell us about the person we’re staying with this time?” Jonathan asked.

“She had biological kids of her own, a son and daughter, who both ended up moving out a few months ago. She had apparently grown up in foster care herself. She just recently got approved, so the two of you are going to be the first kids she takes in.”

“Well this should be interesting.” Me and Jonathan said at the same time.

~~~~~

The house the lady lived in looked to me almost like a more welcoming version of the house the Addams Family owned in the black and white TV show. It was only a couple of miles away from the place we were now leaving, so we would still be able to go to the same schools once they opened back up once summer break was over.

“Evelyn Blanchard? These are Robin and Jonathan Woodson, the two siblings you agreed to take in.” I heard Jasmine say to some lady with graying brown hair that answered the door.

“Well in that case, welcome you two. Now, come on in you three!” I heard Evelyn, the lady that was apparently mine and Jonathan’s new foster parent say. We may be sixteen and fourteen, but that didn’t stop Jonathan from grabbing ahold of my hand with how nervous he was. Normally from what we’ve seen, if someone acts super cheery like she currently is when we first arrive then chances are that they’re hiding their real self.

“I give it a week.” I whispered into his ear, stating how long I thought it would be until she quit her act.

“I say two.”

“Now, Robin. I heard you have a dog?” Evelyn asked, heading for the direction I guessed might have been the kitchen.

“That’s correct.” I said, refusing to move from near the front door. It looked as if the whole place had been cleaned recently. I was well aware of how the bottom of my boots were covered in mud and possibly even some animal crap. I didn’t want to risk angering her if I accidentally got it all over her carpet and I didn’t feel comfortable enough to take my shoes off either. Looking over at Jonathan out of the corner of my eye, I could tell that he had the same idea with how he kept looking around nervously. It may have looked similar to the Addams Family’s house on the outside, but it looked almost nothing like it on the inside.

“Where is it?” She asked, sounding actually curious.

“She’s in my backpack. I rarely ever let her leave my side.” I said, hoping that she would be able to hear just how protective I am over Ellie.

“You can let her out of there if you’d like.” She said, coming out of the kitchen with a plate full of sandwiches that she’d placed on the coffee table before sitting on one of the two couches. I knew that Ellie wouldn’t go anywhere if it meant me being out of her site and there’s no way her paws should be dirty enough to track around any dirt, so I carefully placed my bag down onto the floor and lifted her out. To the surprise of both me and my brother, Ellie walked right over to Evelyn and didn’t growl or try to bite her ankles.

“Aww. She’s so sweet!” Evelyn said as Ellie kissed her hands a couple times before laying under the coffee table and going to sleep. Jonathan, noticing this, let go of my hand.

‘If Ellie trusted her then I guess I could learn to trust her too.’ I thought.

“Is it okay if I go grab our stuff out of the car?” I asked.

“Well, since you’r going to be staying here, I don’t see why not. Would you like any help?” Evelyn said.

“There’s not that much, my brother’s all the help I need.” I said, heading out the door. I could tell that Ellie woke up from her attempt at taking a nap as soon as I left the house because I could hear her barking even after Jonathan closed the door.

“I’m guessing you trust her?” He asked after we reached the car.

“What makes you think that?” I asked, opening up the trunk after hearing Jasmine pop it open for us.

“You were willing to let Ellie stay sleeping in there with her. That’s the first time you’ve done that.”

“I don’t trust her. Not yet anyways, but Ellie seems to like her and that’s enough for me.” I said, passing him his duffle bag before grabbing my bag and the small foam steps Ellie needed during the times my bed was more than just a mattress on the floor, and closing the trunk. Luckily, or unluckily depending on how you looked at it, the only shoes we had were the ones on our feet. I liked to look at the bright side and remind myself that it just meant that much less things we would have to worry about.

“You ready to go back in?” I asked him.

“Not really. Could you let them know I’ll be sitting out here for a bit?” He asked, handing his bag back over to me.

“Sure thing.” I said, grabbing it from him. As I’d expected, Evelyn asked where my brother was as soon as she saw me walk through the door as Ellie started running her slow circles at my feet, barking at me to let me know how mad she was at leaving without her.

“He said he’s going to stay out there for a bit.” I said, placing our bags and Ellie’s steps down on the couch she wasn’t sitting on before taking my shoes off. It still didn’t feel right taking them off here, but it was better than tracking dirt everywhere. “Is it alright if I use the bathroom?”

“Sure thing. Go up the stairs, take a left, then it’s the first door on the right.”

Seeing how Ellie was following me as I headed towards the steps, I picked her up and carried her the whole trip up before placing her on the floor for the second level. I then had to wait for her to walk into the bathroom before I closed the door. If I didn’t then she would sit outside it and howl the whole time.

As I closed the door, I heard Evelyn ask worriedly if Jonathan might have ran off only for Jasmin to explain how he wouldn’t run off without me and I wouldn’t run off without him or my dog.

~~~~~

“The two of you have gone through a lot in your previous homes, haven’t you?” Evelyn asked us not long after Jasmin left. Jonathan had sat next to me on the couch as soon as he’d come in, only taking enough time to take off his shoes and place them next to mine that is.

“Now what would make you think that?” I asked, not bothering to hide the harsh tone in my voice.

“How the two of you tend to drift towards each other like attracting magnets. Not to mention the scars I see on your feet, Robin.” She said, gesturing to my bare feet. Not like I had any socks to cover them. They’d all gotten warn out beyond use a few weeks ago and I hadn’t been able to find the time to make it to the store since then.

“The scars on my feet have nothing to do with anything we may or may not have been put through. Those scars are there because on more than one occasion, I dropped plates and bowls on them thanks to sneezing not long after picking them up.” I said embarrassed because of how it actually was true. She didn’t need to know that I had some scars on my back from the punishments I’d gotten for some of the times that had happened.

“Well, in that case, I think it’s time the two of you see your rooms.”

The room she led me to must have either been her daughter’s or she had repainted it when she heard I was coming, Best way I could quickly describe it was a fantasy princess’s bedroom.

The walls were pale pink with lavender trimming, the carpet dark purple. The bed was a canopy bed with a green curtain and the blankets themselves were a pale blue with ruffles all over the edges.

“I can tell by the look on your face that you don’t like it. We could go to the store tomorrow so you can pick out stuff to redecorate it if you’d like.” She said. It was true. The only thing I could see myself getting use to was the canopy’s curtains because of them being green and because of how they looked like they might be blackout curtains. The carpet wasn’t that bad either, even though I’m not a huge fan of purple.

“The most the two of us have ever been in one place was a month. If we make it past that time, then I might take up your offer.” I said, knowing how I could easily replace the pillowcases with my own and how I could probably go to the store and get some new blankets with the money I’d taken from our previous foster father. Not like he would need it anyway, seeing as how he’s in jail.

“Jonathan, here’s your room.” She said, showing him a room not too far from mine. Well, there was a room in between ours, but I was just glad that it wasn’t on the other side of the house.

After placing down the doggy-steps and making sure Ellie would be able to get up onto the bed with the help, I walked over to the window of the bedroom I would be staying in for who knows how long and looked out. There wasn’t any bit of a roof that me or my brother could walk on to get to each other’s rooms if we’d ever gotten ourselves locked in them. I knew that the two of us would figure something out if that ever happened, so I decided to walk down the hall to see what his room looked like.

His room, to me, definitely looked more like the things he liked than my room with me. The wall was blue with white trimming, a gray carpet, and the bedding was red.

I sat on the bed and waited until Evelyn left before I laid on my back asked him how long he thinks we’d be staying here.

“You should know by know that I don’t like to think about that. “Could you tell me more?” He asked in a way that was somehow both sad and hopeful.

I knew what he wanted me to tell more of. He would always ask to hear about our parents with that tone. In fact, he’d only ever sounded like that when asking me to tell him more about them. I didn’t have that many more memories about our parents than he did, but he didn’t seem to mind. There were even times when the two of us would remember something about one of our parents that the other didn’t.

I decided to tell him how one time our dad decided it was a good idea for just me and him to go on a weekend road trip together, only for us to get a flat tire during the middle of a rain storm he hadn’t known about. It wasn’t funny at the time, but now it is to me, with all the different faces our dad would make each time someone would drive past us. He ended up falling asleep not long before I got to the end of what I could remember from that day, so I managed to carefully climb out of his bed before going back to what was my new room.

It had been a long day for both of us and it was starting to get late anyway.

~~~~~

Prologue | Chapter 2 (in progress)

[mlovesstories]

You Know What You’re Doing Part 4

@spndeanbingo square: accidental confession

Words: 5200

Warnings: reference to sexual abuse, cussing, therapist, 

AN- Thanks to @sbcamp08 for the beta! 

Summary: They have a few breakthroughs... and setbacks. 

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Masterlist of Masterlists

PART 4

“Wow!” YN gasped as she saw Vancouver from the plane as they were about to land.

“It’s nice, isn’t it?” Jensen chuckled.

“Oh yes. Do you travel like this all the time?”

“In first-class?”

“Yeah. I’ve only been on a plane once. I practically had to keep my legs on the seat. No room.”

“Not all the time. It’s nice when we’re with the kids though.”

“Well, this is fun.”

“I’m so glad you are not afraid of flying.” Jensen feigned a sigh of relief.

“Who said I wasn’t?” She looked away.  

“What? Why didn’t you say anything?” Jensen faces her.

“‘Cause I wanted to come. I’m okay now.” Her excitement spoke for itself.

“You’re amazing, you know that?”

“Nah. Just a kid.” YN adjusted to a more comfortable sitting position, squirming at the praise.

Noticing her sudden discomfort, Jensen pushed, “YN, look at me.” He waited. “Please?”

“What, Jensen? I’m not tough, I’m not cool. I’m just a nobody foster kid. But now I’m a foster kid who gets to go out of the freaking country!” Her voice elevated with happiness laced on her tongue.

“I’m glad I can provide that opportunity for you.” Jensen took a satisfied deep breath, relieved the trip brought her joy.

“Please fasten your seatbelts belts as we are starting on our descent into beautiful Vancouver, British Columbia.” The airline staff walked up and down the aisles to collect trash before the pilot called for a final descent. YN screeched, squeezing her eyes shut and clawing at the armrests when the planes’ brakes were applied.

“You’re okay,” Jensen soothed her. “Should have reminded you of that little detail.”

As they taxied into the terminal, YN took a beat to control her breathing.

“Sorry. I wasn’t ready for that.” She started giggling. Jensen looked over and smirked at her.

As they walked through the airport, YN stayed close to Jensen. She reached for his belt loop and hooked her finger through it. He felt a tug on the side of his pants. When Jensen looked down, he saw what she had done. She immediately put her hand down at her side.

“Sorry.”

“There are a lot of people here and I don’t want you to get lost. It’s okay.” He smiled. “Come on.” He slowed his gate and gestured for her to return to her former position.

“Thanks,” YN looked down but was grateful.

“We gotta meet our driver, let’s hurry.” 

…….

“This is your APARTMENT?” YN squealed. “It’s practically bigger than your house!” She slowly entered the living room and surveyed the Ackles’ living space.

“No, it isn’t, silly. The room down the hallway on the left is for you. Go drop your stuff so we can eat. Dean is getting hungry.”

YN heard the smile in his statement.

“You’re not as cool as Dean, Jensen.” YN rolled her eyes, folding over in laughter.

“What?!” He scoffed, acting offended.

She rolled her eyes, “Fine. Maybe you’re kinda cool.”

He scrunched his face in deliberation, shrugging before nodding and announcing, “Alright. I’ll take it.”

———-

“Wake up, YN. Time to get up.” Jensen whispered as he opened her door the next morning.

“Argh,” YN groaned, half asleep and grouchy, “Are you freaking serious, Jensen? It’s 4:30am.” She objected, whining.

“Yep, let’s go! Rise and shine!” He laughed and shut her door. “You’ve got an hour, kid!” Jensen shouted through the wall.

“Great,” YN sighed.

————

“Look who woke up before nine!” Jared ruffled YN’s hair as he greeted them on the set.

“Whatever, Jared,” she pushed his hand away.

“I heard about your accomplishment last week!” Jared huffed YN.

“Jensen.” She groaned.”You told him?” Her face flushed.

“Only because he wanted me to pick this up for you.” Jared turned around and gestured to a bicycle leaning against Jensen’s trailer. “It’s yours while you’re here if you want it. You can use it on the lot.”

“What?!”

“You have to wear a helmet though.” Jensen ordered. Jared produced a gray helmet from behind his back and put it on her head.

“Thank you!” YN hugged both of them separately. “I’ll wear it, promise! Thanks!” She held onto the helmet as it sat on her head and ran to the bike.

“Thanks, man.” Jensen whispered.

“Sure. Anything for our kids, right?” Jared nudged his friend with a nod.

“It’s perfect!” YN squealed. She moved it away from the trailer and looked at it from all angles. YN sat on the bike seat to see how her balance was. “Uh, Jensen?”

“Yeah?” He walked over with a concerned scowl.

“Can you help me change the seat? It’s too short.” The teen climbed back off the bike, holding it out towards Jensen as he approached.

“Oh!” Realizing that nothing was truly wrong, he adjusted it by pushing buttons and pulling the seat up farther. “Here. Try that.” He backed away for her to get on the bike.

“Oh, cool! Much better.”

“I know you want to ride it, but let me show you around first, okay? I don’t want you getting lost.”

With a frown, she got off the bike, took off her helmet and followed Jensen.

“Jared’s trailer is right next to mine-“ He pointed at the neighboring trailer.

“Are you sure it’s not ‘fake yours’?” She giggled.

“Very funny, smart-aleck.” He jokingly nudged her with his elbow forgetting to watch his quick actions around her. Her face changed from happiness to terror. She lurched away from the contact, pulling her arms back and away to smack at him in reaction, but Jared caught her arm from behind. Everyone froze. She looked at her wrist in Jared’s grip and back at the tallest Winchester while he still held her arm.

“I’m sorry! It was-“ YN apologized. Jared dropped her wrist from the hold.

“Instinct.” Jensen nodded. “Sorry, kiddo. I didn’t mean to scare you. I’ll be more careful or ask first next time.”

YN maneuvered around the set easily. The lot was expansive, so her new wheels were of great assistance. As she approached the backside of Jared’s trailer, she heard grunting.

“Hey! Stop!” Jared yelled. She rounded the corner to see him in a headlock from another man.

“Hey!” YN came up behind the male and kicked the back of his knee making him go into a squat position. He let go of Jared as she continued kicking him.

“Woah! Kid! Stop!” Jared called for her attention. “Stunt guy! Stunt guy!” He assured her. “We were rehearsing, YN.”

“Oh-“ her jaw dropped. Horrified, she spun around and ran away to hide in Jensen’s trailer. The stunt guy stood up and brushed off his pants with a nod that he was okay as Jared chased after her.

Banging on the door when he realized she had locked it, Jared shouted, “It’s okay, YN! You didn’t mean it! It’s okay! Can you please open the door?”

He waited for a few seconds to start again, but he saw Cliff out of the corner of his eye.

“Cliff! Hey, can you toss me Jensen’s keys?”

The bodyguard ran toward the trailers. He took out a ring of keys and separated one that said “JA” on it. After he opened it, Jared ran in.

“It’s okay, sweet pea.” He took in her posture and behavior. YN was shaking on the floor, gripping a pillow from the couch. “I know you didn’t mean it, he’s fine,” Jared whispered. The girl stared ahead, his words not registering. He sat on the floor next to her, watching her movements. When she made eye contact he asked her, “Would you like me to do anything?” She nodded. YN wrapped her arms around herself. “A hug?” She affirmed his guess. “Okay, I’m going to scoot closer now.” YN opened her body to accept his presence.

“I’m so sorry! I thought he was hurting you!” She clung to his shirt.

“It’s okay. It’s okay.” Jared pulled her into him. There was a loud noise. She jumped. “Shh. It’s just Jensen.” The older Winchester brother walked in.

“What-“

“Not now,” Jared said lowly. “I got it.” He offered his TV brother a smile, assuring him that he would update the foster parent later.

“Okay. I’ll be at Craft Services.” He exited the trailer with worry, rubbing his forehead.

“Don’t worry about him. Just relax.”

Having Jensen enter the trailer made her upset again. YN tried to hold back tears of embarrassment, but she couldn’t. Her muscles tightened, and Jared took him arms away from her body because he thought she may react erratically. Once he stilled, she did the same.

“You’re okay,” he whispered. “Just breathe.”

He waited until she quieted before he asked, “What’s going on? You’ve been so scared.”

“Nothing,” she barely spoke.

“And I’m Ricky Ricardo.”

“I have a family.” She sighed.

“What do you mean?”

“I finally have a family, and it makes me nervous.”

“You’re afraid they’re going to be taken away?”

“Maybe. I’m just so scared. I’ve been with them for a few months now. They are the best family I’ve ever-“ She started heaving. “The stunt guy was hurting my family.”

“Okay. I get it. Breathe for me. Big belly breaths.”

————-

“We have a problem.” Danneel prompted.

“Dee, what’s going on?” Jensen saw the distraught look on his wife’s face.

“YN isn’t making progress in therapy. I just talked to Sarah-“

“Who?”

“The caseworker.” Jensen nodded. “She told me that the counselor hasn’t gotten anywhere with her the last few weeks.”

“But she’s been going to this guy for a long time, right?”

“Yeah, I think so. YN seems to trust him. She doesn’t mind going. I can tell by when I drop her off. She smiles. SMILES, Jensen.” Danneel huffed.

“Should we talk to her?” He wrapped his arms around her midsection and gave her a soft kiss on her forehead.

“I think I may take her shopping.”

“Retail therapy? Really, Dee?” He laughed at the cliche.

“If it works, it counts!” She smirked. “Can you watch the other babies while we go?”

“Fine,” Jensen rolled his eyes.

“Love you,” she thanked her husband.

Danneel walked upstairs to check in with YN. She heard sniffling which quieted when Danneel knocked on the door. A few seconds later YN opened it  with red and puffy eyes..

Remaining calm and not wanting to overreact, Danneel kept an even tone. “I wanted to ask if you were interested in going shopping with me. I think we could use some girl time and a bit of retail therapy. You in?” Danneel beamed.

“Really?” YN’s eyes went wide, taken aback. “I mean,” she cleared her throat. “I love the babies, but-“.

“It’s nice to have grown up time, I know. Jensen is watching them while we go have fun. Let’s do it, then!”

————

“How come you didn’t ask why I was crying? I know you know I was crying,” YN asked Danneel as she drove to the local mall.

“I figured you would talk when you were ready,” the woman shrugged.

“Can I?”

“Sure, secret’s safe with me.” Danneel glanced over at YN before looking back at the road.

“I love you.”

Danneel took in what she said, surprised at the admission.

“I mean, like, your whole family. I love Donna and Alan, the babies, and you guys.”

“We love you too, sweetie. What’s bad about that?”

“I don’t know. Nothing? I guess I’ve just never loved anyone before. It’s weird, and I don’t know-I don’t know how to describe it.”

“Well, I’m so glad you love us. The feeling is mutual. It’s new, and new is okay. It’s just different. But that doesn’t mean it’s bad. Don’t be afraid of it. Love is a great feeling.”

“I just don’t know how to… I don’t know.”

“React, maybe?” Danneel prompted.

“Yeah. Like, what do I do now?”

“Well, once you have love for someone, you show them. You invest in them and do things with them. You spend time together, be silly, and have fun. At least that’s how we love.” Danneel was so proud of YN, but she shrugged as to not make a big deal about the issue.

“Oh. Like what we normally do?”

“Yep! That’s how true love works. You build up the people you love. Be thankful and appreciative of them and how they love you back.”

“I love you, Danneel.”

“I love you too, YN. We all love you so much.” Danneel couldn’t wait to get home and tell Jensen what had transpired.

————

When they arrived home after an evening of fun, there were two policemen waiting. Danneel looked at Jensen, confused.

“What’s going on?” She asked.

The police officers narrowed their eyes at YN, approaching the girls.

“Excuse me? I asked you something!” Danneel demanded, nudging YN slightly behind her yelled. The officers rolled their eyes.

“Ms. YLN, I presume?” One of them raised an eyebrow at the teen.

“Yeah?” YN growled and crossed her arms.

“Your neighbor next door believes you broke their window with a rock.”

“What?!” YN gasped. “That’s bullshit. No! I wouldn’t do that!”

“Turn around.” The other officer grabbed her shoulders and maneuvered her so that YN’s back was to him.

“Jay, Dee, I didn’t do anything, I promise.” YN started crying.

“Stop!” Jensen yelled at the officers as they handcuffed the teen. “She says she hasn’t done anything. What if we could prove it?”

“Sir, we have our culprit. I’m not sure why you even care. She isn’t yours anyway,” he said offhandedly.

“Excuse me?!” Danneel walked swiftly toward the officer.

“Dee! Don’t!” He put himself between his wife and the arresting officer. “I’ll show you the security cameras. Just wait. Could you do some actual investigating first? Come inside please.” Jensen led one of the investigators in while YN stayed outside, sitting on the front steps with Danneel and the other police detective.

A few minutes later, the officer returned with Jensen and told YN  to stand up. She resisted. “They’re letting you go before I sue their asses!” Jensen gritted his teeth.

“Sorry for the misunderstanding.” The officer shrugged, unapologetically, “Y’all have a good day now,” he tipped his cowboy hat solemnly.

“What was that?” Danneel turned from the officer to Jensen as the boys in blue left the premises.

“He didn’t know we had a camera with a clear view. It was the officer’s son, not YN, who broke the window. I guess his house is close by. The officer was not thrilled that his boy was an idiot. I’m not sure why the neighbor assumed it was YN.”

“Because the neighbors know I’m just nobody,” she whispered as she entered the house and dejectedly moped up the stairs.

“Dammit!” Jensen rested his hands on his hips, dropping his head forward, and sighed. “Excuse me,” he marched down the steps toward the house next door.

When he arrived at their porch, he pounded on the door. As a women in her thirties answered, he interrupted her greeting. “Why would you assume that my daughter broke your damn window?” His eyes bore a hole into her forehead.

“Uh, excuse me?”

“Why did you blame YN when you talked to the police? Why did you think she broke your window? Because you think no one cares? That she’s just a throwaway?” He spoke quickly, spit flying out of his mouth.

“Excuse me! Jensen, I-“ She backtracked, red in the face.

“Stay away from her. Don’t make hasty assumptions next time!” He stomped down the stairs without a goodbye. As he entered his own house, he whispered to Danneel that the issue was taken care of. “I’m going to do damage control,” Jensen walked past his wife.

He got to YN’s door and heard rustling. He knocked but was concerned so he didn’t wait before entering. Jensen saw her clothes scattered everywhere and a bag half full with personal items.

“What are you doing?”

“Leaving. Isn’t that what everyone wants?”

“What? Why?” Jensen hated it. He hated all of it for her.

“No one cares. You might, but no one else does.”

“They don’t matter, sweetheart. I promise it feels like their opinions matter, but they really don’t.” His heart breaking for the child. His child.

“Easy for you to say, you’ve never been judged like this. Or maybe you’ve just learned how to block it out, but I haven’t!” she spat.

“Can I be honest?” He looked away. YN saw a change in his body language. She nodded as he made eye contact. She had never seen this side of him. “Sometimes I don’t block it out. Constantly being the butt of people’s jokes or knowing some people only like me for how I look is hard.” 

“I thought you tuned that stuff out.”

“Most of the time. It helps that I have you guys. I don’t have to focus on me. I can spend time with the ones I love and provide for them. It’s a distraction, a very welcomed one.”  Jensen walked toward her bed and crouched down. “Don’t let others dictate your life, okay? They aren’t you. You are you and that is truer than true. There is no one-“

“Alive that is youer than you.” She finished for him, smirking.

“It sounds dumb, but Dr. Seuss was right. Chin up, princess or the crown slips.” He grinned and bopped her chin.

“I’m not a princess.” YN looked away.

“You’re my princess. And that’s all that matters.”

“Really?” She narrowed her eyes at him skeptically.

“Yep. And that neighbor will leave you alone now. Nobody comes after my princess,” he stood up, holding his arms open, inviting YN into a bear hug.

“I’m your princess, too!” JJ matched in, joining the hug, wrapping her arms around both of their legs.

“Oh, Lordy.” Jensen sighed. YN giggled.

“No, you’re my little monster, remember? I have nicknames for everybody. Hers is princess, okay?” Jensen picked up the smaller girl.

“Okay! Mommy said it’s time to eat, and if we don’t get down there quick, she is gonna make us eat boogers!”

Jensen’s jaw dropped as he played along, gasping, “Oh no! Well, we better get down there then!” Jensen put her back down so she could scamper away, “Go on, JJ.” He turned back to YN, he wrapped an arm around her shoulders in a side hug, serious again for a moment.. “No more running. Okay? You don’t get to do that anymore. You belong here, okay? No matter what happens.” He whispered in YN’s ear before kissing the side of her head.

“Okay. I love you, Jensen,” she leaned into him.

What? Did she just really say that? 

“I love you too, sweetie.” He squeezed her tighter before releasing her. “Let’s not have boogers for dinner, what do you say?”

“Yuck. Good plan.” She grinned, giggling.

Danneel’s footsteps were heard coming up the stairs. “Jensen! YN!” Her tone urgent. “Sarah is here!”

“What? Why?” YN instinctively angled herself behind her foster dad, gripping his bicep.

“I’m not sure. It’s okay. It may be nothing. Whatever it is, we’ll handle it together, okay?” They trudged down the stairs.

“Hey, girl!” Sarah grabbed her into a tight hug, squeezing the air out of YN’s lungs. “How are you?” YN relaxed when she saw the caseworker’s enthusiasm.

“I’m good,” she took a step back and resumed her position behind Jensen.

“Are you okay?” Sarah asked, concerned at YN’s body language.

“Are you going to take me away from them?” The skittish teen questioned, wary at the caseworker’s sudden appearance after the police almost arrested her.

YN’s eyes starting welling with tears until Sarah exclaimed “Oh, no no. Silly girl! I’m only here for a check-in.”

“Well, she is doing wonderfully here.” Danneel stepped in, defensively , smiling at Sarah. “She is such a delight. We were just about to eat, would you like to join us?”

“Oh, no, thank you, Danneel. I see you need to feed the little ones. How about i join you though, and we chat while you guys eat.  The parents nodded their acquiescence. Jensen gestured towards the kitchen, ushering the group to the table.

As they started with dinner, YN stayed extra quiet.

“Pst!” Danneel tried to get her attention. YN’s head snapped up. “Want to help me put the babies and JJ down when we’re done here?” She asked, trying to distract YN from her obvious discomfort..

“Oh. Sure. No problem.” YN numbly replied.

“I heard about your interaction with the police today.”

“Sarah- I didn’t do it. Jensen has cameras. He can prove it.” YN blurted, the words rapidly tumbling out as her anxiety peaked.

“Okay. It’s okay. I trust you. I understand,  at least a little bit. Even assumptions of bad behavior follow you, don’t they?” Jensen looked to YN. She nodded.

“She didn’t do it. This doesn’t need to be talked about anymore. YN is a good kid,” Danneel said sternly.

“I know. I was just saying that I didn’t think you did it is all.” The caseworker smiled weakly.

“Oh,” YN realized.

“Are you feeling good here?” Sarah asked.

“Yeah. It’s been great, honestly.”

“Can I talk to her alone for a minute?” Sarah looked to the parents, who nodded their permission.

“Sure, Sarah.” YN agreed as the two Ackles left the room, scooping up the younger kids and herded them into another room.

“I’m so proud of you, YN.” The caseworker leaned towards her, sharing as if it was a secret

“What?” The teen asked, side eye-ing the caseworker suspiciously.

“You’re thriving! You’re doing so well. I told you it would be okay. Doesn’t hurt that he’s a freaking TV hunk, right?”

“SARAH!” YN gasped, quietly chastising the woman. “He’s my d—!” She stopped, catching herself. “I mean, c’mon. He’s my foster dad,” she scoffed, correcting herself, switching back to a more reserved temperament .

Jensen heard that, listening from around the corner. He excused himself away from Danneel to the the backyard.

“Shit,” Jensen whispered. He rubbed a hand down his face as he found a tennis ball outside and walked toward their backyard wall. The concrete structure served as a catcher for his pitches. The ball always bouncing back to him.

“What’re you doing?” YN approached cautiously after a few minutes.

“Shit, YN!” He jumped and grabbed his chest. “You scared me.” He took a few deep breaths. “Just pitching.”

“Sarah doesn’t want to move me,” YN kicked a rock, glancing up to gauge his reaction.

“Good, I’m glad,” he sighed and opened his arms to embrace her. “You wanna try?” He offered her the tennis ball after a quick hug.

“I don’t know how, but okay,” she took the proffered ball out of his outstretched hand. He guided her through the pitching stance and motions. When she did it on her own, she did well, but he corrected her a few times. Once he stepped back, she gave a sly smile. “How about this?” YN threw the ball in an underhand motion toward the block wall at an incredible speed with great precision and aim.

“What the hell was that?” His mouth was open in shock.

“Gotcha!” She giggled. “I’ve played before,” she shrugged.

“Obviously! Holy crap, kid! You should try out for the school team.”

“No.” YN tossed the ball back to him with pursed lips and a tense body, “Good night, Jensen.

“What? Wait, why? What just happened?”

“Doesn’t matter, I’ll see you tom-“

He raced stepped in front of the girl to block her retreat.

“YN, why? Talk to me.” Jensen pushed, reaching caringly for her forearm.

“Stop!  It’s fine!” She ripped her arm from his loose grasp and ran into the house. When he followed her in, Jensen heard her feet pounding up the stairs.

“Dammit!”

“What was that racket?” Danneel came down the stairs from putting the younger ones to bed.

“I think I just triggered her, and I didn’t mean to. I forced an issue, and she shut down. I’m so bad at this. I always mess up with her, and I don’t-“

“Stop, Jay!” Danneel implored. “Shh. I’m sure it will be fine.” She squeezed him arms down to his wrists. “It’s okay.” He started to speak but she motion for him to be quiet. “Breathe, babe.” After he let out a sigh, she told him to go relax while she went upstairs to check on the wayward/emotional teen.

YN heard footsteps.

“No. Go away, Jensen!” She screamed.

“You better not wake up those babies!” Danneel barged in.

“Sorry,” YN said, contrite and embarrassed.

“I know you’re upset, but you cannot run away and leave the room every time something happens. If we make you upset, tell us. And tell us why. We don’t know what’s going on in your head unless you talk to us.”

“I don’t know! I don’t want to play then Jensen kept bothering me about it, and he wouldn’t stop after I asked.” YN crawled into bed. Sitting back against the headboard, she pulled her knees to her chest then yanked the covers over herself. “Next time tell him to respect some boundaries!” She flopped over on her side facing away from Danneel.

“Fine, we can talk about it later. But we ARE talking about it later. Goodnight, YN.”

—————

“How can I help you?” Jared walked into his house from the garage. “Dee told me you ran here.”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I just needed to get out for a minute. I asked first though. I didn’t just run away. Promise.”

“You’re sweaty.”

“I physically ran here, but I told someone first,” she huffed, frustrated.

“What’s up, kiddo?��� Jared threw his keys and wallet on the island in the kitchen before sitting with YN on the couch.

“I- I feel dumb.”

“How come?”

“Jensen kept asking stuff, and I couldn’t- I didn’t want to answer him.”

“Did you tell him that?”

“I told him to leave me alone.”

“That’s not the same thing, YN.”

“I know,” she put her head in her hands.

“Let’s practice then.” Jared suggested.

“Practice what?” YN looked up.

“Setting boundaries. I’ll help you use your words so that we know when you feel uneasy.”

“Oh. Okay. That sounds good.”

“You can’t use it as an excuse to ignore issues though.” He changed the conversation. “I’m going to try something. I want you to tell me which response seems more appropriate, okay?” YN nodded. “Pretend I’m Jensen and I notice you are more quiet and to yourself. You show me how you do something really well. I compliment you and ask about it. Your response was for him to go away. You ran up the stairs. I know whatever that triggered made you nervous, but let’s try another approach. If you had said, ‘Jensen, I don’t like talking about it, but when I feel ready, I will,’ does that sound better?”

“Oh. Yeah.”

“See how that tells him that you feel nervous, but you trust him still?”

“Yeah, I guess.”

“Are you feeling okay? Should you make another appointment with your therapist this week?”

“I see him tomorrow. It’s nothing anyone can do. I’m okay.” YN shrugged.

“Take it or leave it, but emotions aren’t about what people can do. It’s about processing information. Jensen said something that made you nervous. No matter if anyone can DO something about it is irrelevant when you are feeling uneasy. He just wanted to listen, that’s all.”

“I’m used to it. It’s okay.”

“I need you to hear me. Are you listening?” Jared took her hand. She immediately moved away. “Sorry, YN.” He whispered. Jared scooted back. “Just because you’re used to something doesn’t mean you can’t rely on others. Give him an olive branch. You’ll be surprised.”

“I, umm. Don’t like baseball,” she blurted.

“Oh? It sounds as though you are very good at it, but you’re right, you don’t have to like it to be good at it.”

“I think I’m pretty good, but I just can’t. It reminds me of stuff.”

Jared knew it would be bad.

“That’s really unfortunate. Did you used to like it?”

“Yeah, until he-“ she stopped. “He hurt me. If we lost a game he blamed me.” YN tensed.

Jared tried to hide his anger. The older one’s shoulders tensed, and his jaw clenched. He wanted to hurt this person, but he knew it was not the time for that.

“I can see how you would no longer like it. That makes total sense. He can’t hurt you anymore. We would never let that-“

“I know. He’s still in my head though.”

“I, of all people, understand what you mean. Thank you for sharing that with me. He doesn’t sound like someone anyone would like,” Jared remained as even-tempered as possible.

“No. No one did. I got out, but I was with him for a few years before Sarah could move me.”

“Was it a foster parent?” Jared pushed, but he braced himself for a catastrophic reaction.

Slowly, she responded. “Yeah,” YN admitted. She sniffled, surprised it took this long for her to become emotional. “I’m okay, really. Just sometimes hard.”

“I can see that you are okay, but I know it has to be difficult remembering things like that.” Jared affirmed her.

“Yeah. Have you ever been hurt before?”

“By an authority figure? No. Someone I loved was though.”

“Who?”

“A friend from high school. She was my best friend. Her mom didn’t treat her right.”

“What happened to her?” YN asked more attentively.

“She struggled. One day she stopped coming to school, so I’m not sure, ultimately.”

“Her mom probably-“ YN assumed the worst. “Hurt her.”

“Yeah, that’s what I thought too. Why don’t you talk to your therapist and if he feels it necessary you can talk to Jensen?”

“Maybe,” she shrugged.

————-

“Someone- He hurt me,” YN stayed quietly. “That’s why I hate softball.”  

“Oh. I’m so sorry that he did that.” Jensen said calmly. “What did-“

“Wait, Mr. Ackles.” The therapist interrupted him. Jensen shut his mouth. “Continue, YN.”

“I don’t think I’m ready to tell you yet,” YN looked away from his green eyes. Jensen was perplexed by her response, freezing for a beat.

“Okay, you don’t have to sweetness.” Jensen smiled.

“It’s going to take a lot of work for you all to communicate on this issue. YN, I’ve known you for a very long time. I don’t want you to feel as though you have to tell him. I would encourage you not to just yet.” Jensen gave him a challenged look. “Mr. Ackles, YN is learning to trust others, wouldn’t you agree?”

“Yes.”

“In order not to give away too much information too early in relationships, we work on developing trust first before sharing very personal traumas. Do you think that’s fair?”

“Yes, very much so.”

“Good. YN, if you feel you are ready, then please do and let me know how it goes. However, wait until YOU feel ready, okay? Not the right time for Jensen.. Understand?”

“Yes, sir.”

“I’ll wait for you. No pressure. Thank you for letting me come today.” Jensen wrapped an arm around her as the exited the office. 

__________

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[theo-loves-broadway]

Of Apologies & Rainbows (Tyrus Fic Chapter 3)

hi!! i just finished chapter 3 on vacation and so there won’t be an update for about a week since i have no access to a laptop. for now, enjoy the next chapter!! (no cut this time since I’m on my phone, but when I have access to one, I’ll edit it)

If you like it, a reblog goes much farther than a like!! Thank you so much!

TW: mention of self harm, but nothing crazy. Just a mention.

Link for ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15287934/chapters/35639787

———————————————

It was a gloomy Saturday morning when TJ woke up to a car screeching out of the driveway; his driveway. Tearing off the covers, he hobbled to his window, throwing aside the curtains, and saw his parents' car skidding out of the driveway and speeding out of the neighborhood, the hum of the engine growing softer and softer. Sighing, TJ dragged his feel down the stairs, and ambled towards the fridge for something to eat. There, he saw the note that his parents left him:

TJ--

We're leaving for a short vacation to Vegas. Should be back in a week. Love you.

Mom & Dad

The paper earned some wet spots from TJ's tears. This wasn't the first time that his parents had deserted him for days at a time. They always left a small note, and sometimes they even brought gifts back for him. But not having his parents around made him feel...alone, and unwanted. Swiping away at his tears, he reached for his phone, and "no new messages" greeted him with a gentle glow. Absentmindedly, he went to text Cyrus, a giddy feeling overwhelming him, until the memories of yesterday hit him like a truck, and his demeanor completely changed.

"Why did I have to act like such a jerk?" he wondered out loud, the cursor blinking, waiting for a message. He knew Cyrus would most likely not reply, but he wanted to get a hold of him. Instead of sending a text, he decided to call, tapping his foot to the stupid ringing. Like expected, it went straight to voicemail, saying "Hi, you've reached me, Cyrus Goodman. I'm probably doing something super fun, or wallowing in sadness in front of my TV with ice cream. Either way, leave a message after the tone." TJ felt a small moment of happiness, being able to hear Cyrus' voice. Must of recorded this a while ago. His voice was so high, he noted, calling again. And again. And again. And, you guessed it, again, but to no avail. He didn’t leave messages, since he hoped Cyrus would pick up on the fifth call, but he was wrong. He called a sixth time, and as expected, it went to voicemail, but he left a message this time.

“Uh, hey, Underdog it’s TJ. You’re not answering any of my calls, and I don’t blame you. I was a total jerk yesterday and I-I’m sorry,” he choked out, the lump in his throat returning, “I didn’t intend to be so mean...sorry,” he mumbled, then hung up, groaning. Way to go, TJ, ruining friendships left and right, he thought, walking back over to the kitchen to get something for breakfast. Settling on a bowl of cereal, he plopped himself in front of the couch and turned on Family Feud. Now all that show reminded him was when Cyrus told him that he wasn’t stupid, and that he was no less of person because of his learning disability. To his surprise, his phone buzzed, and he immediately put his breakfast down, praying that it was Cyrus.

[Mom: hope you got our note. b back soon. love u]

Frowning, he turned off his phone and finished off his breakfast, leaving the bowl in the sink. Again, his phone buzzed from the room next door, and he rushed to get it, tripping over his own feet and falling before he reached the coffee table. Wincing, he slowly got up and made his way over to his phone, checking the text and feeling his heart jump into his throat.

[Cy-Guy: swings. noon. bring taters.]

TJ felt relief rush through his body, and didn’t fight the smile that made its way onto his face. Looking at the time, it read 11:30, so TJ was quick to put on a pair of sweatpants and a tank top, but he stopped in front of the mirror, taking a look at his arms. He could still make out the little white scars that he’d had for months, as well as the newer, pinker ones. His self-consciousness took him over, and he slipped on light sweatshirt over his tank, and hurried over to the spoon. It was a crisp morning, the snow already starting to melt and turn an unappealing shade of gray. When TJ arrived at the Spoon, the waitress who served him yesterday was behind the counter. Smiling at a relatively familiar face, TJ ordered taters to go, and handed her the cash for it, and told her to keep the change, since he was in a rush. The time now read 11:45 on the clock in the restaurant, so TJ picked up his pace, jogging down the sidewalk and trying to avoid spilling the taters. He could see the swings in the distance after a while, and he saw a small figure on one of them. Cyrus, he thought, feeling mixed emotions of guilt and happiness. As he approached the swings, he couldn’t shake this strange feeling building up inside of him. It felt like how his friends described how they felt around girls...weird.

“Hey,” TJ mustered, handing Cyrus the bag of tater tots and taking a seat on the swings. Cyrus didn’t respond, but took the bag and held them in his lap, unsure of what to say. After what felt like forever, TJ broke the silence.

“I’m sorry, okay?” he mumbled, glancing over at Cyrus, “I-I really didn’t mean to hurt you,” he admitted, “And I get that what I said was rude, I just--don’t know what happened before that. Why you were so...distant,” he mumbled.

Cyrus finally tipped his head up to face him, his bottom lip quivering. “It doesn’t matter, let’s just...drop it, please?” he asked, and the look from TJ was affirmative. It took a few moments before Cyrus’ lips pulled a weak smile, happy that part of his relationship with TJ had been fixed. He started munching on his taters, and TJ knew that their relationship was better than before, and he started swinging, getting higher and higher, before eventually slowing down to keep up with Cyrus.

“How is it that this time I’m prepared for the cold and you’re not?” TJ joked, looking at Cyrus’ outfit, which consisted of a pair of pants and a short sleeved tee with “#thegoodhaircrew” written on it.

“S-so?” Cyrus countered, his teeth chattering, rubbing his biceps up and down to try and keep warm.

“Here,” TJ offered, handing him his jacket, leaving him bare and exposed save for his tank. Gingerly, Cyrus slid it on and felt so...warm. It smelled like TJ; a combination of cologne and mint (which was his shampoo, Cyrus later learned).

“Thanks,” Cyrus replied, glancing over at TJ’s bare arms, worry flooding his eyes. “Hey, TJ?” he asked, though it came out more like a squeak.

“Yeah, what’s up?” he replied nonchalantly, noting Cyrus’ worried expression. “..What?” he dared himself to ask, his heart rate speeding up.

“Do you-do you have a pet cat?” he asked, his eyes focusing on the little marks on TJ’s upper arms. He hadn’t noticed them before, but that was because TJ had covered them up with his shirts or his sweatshirts.

“Uh, no?” he answered, confusion thick in his voice, until he followed Cyrus’ gaze. Oh, no, he mentally screamed, oh no, oh no, oh no, no, no, no, he repeated over and over, crossing his arms and using his hands to cover as much of his upper arms as possible.

Cyrus gently put down the empty bag of baby taters, and shifted his swing so that he was closer to TJ, and able to see more clearly. His look read Please let me. I won’t hurt you, and TJ eventually slid his arms down to his side, open and vulnerable. The two things TJ hated the most; it made him feel...weak. He fully expected Cyrus to give him some sort of lecture, but instead, Cyrus gently put a hand on his shoulder.

“We don’t have to talk about it,” Cyrus told him, knowing that TJ wasn’t one to open up about personal things, “but it might help if you do. Maybe not now, and maybe not even with me,” he continued, tilting his head slightly, “But if you ever feel...like you’re going to do it again, please just call me, okay?”

Something about Cyrus’ last remark made TJ stiffen a little. Cyrus cared enough about him to just let him call him, day or night, if he felt upset? Now he really felt bad about yesterday. Cyrus was a great friend; patient, kind, understanding, cute...wait, no. Not cute. Cute was something that you said to a girl who smiles at you and waves. Cute was a baby animal at the zoo learning to walk. Cute was...not something a guy used to describe another guy. TJ just nodded, feeling all the tension he was holding in just come unraveled. All the garbage that had happened, being rude to Cyrus, his parents, and now this. He kept his head down and allowed the tears to fall.

“Go ahead and make fun of me,” he murmured when he finally spoke, his vision blurry through tears. He braced himself for a round of laughter, but it never came. Instead, Cyrus gingerly rubbed his shoulder, comforting him. TJ lifted his head to meet Cyrus’ gaze, the worry replaced with relief.

“I’d never make fun of you..not for this, TJ” he assured him, giving him a gentle pat on the back, “I would make fun of you for not knowing all the words to my favorite musicals, but that’s for another day,” he added with a hint of humor behind his words, earning a breathy chuckle from TJ.

This is it, TJ thought to himself, here’s your chance, go for it, he urged himself. Gently, he put his arms around Cyrus, hugging him. To say that Cyrus was surprised would be an understatement; he could feel his blood rush, hearing it roar in his ears, and that familiar flutter in his stomach returned. It felt...well, he couldn’t really put it into words, but it felt right. After TJ had released Cyrus, he felt this indescribable warmth pool in his stomach, and he knew his cheeks were red; thankfully, he could blame that on the cold.

Cyrus began to swing little by little, just at the edge of his comfort zone. “Legs go up, legs go down. That’s how we make the swing go round. Drag your feet, you go slow. The less you drag--”

“--the more you go,” TJ chimed in, his cheeks a dusty pink in the crisp afternoon weather. He’d heard Cyrus sing his swing song enough time to have learned the lyrics, and occasionally he’d sing along. The duo remained silent for a little bit before Cyrus dragged his feet to a halt, chewing the inside of his cheek.

“Can I ask you something?” he inquired, rubbing his fingers against the inside of TJ’s sweatshirt. Cyrus was one of those people who couldn’t talk to someone without doing something with his hands.

“You already did, but go on,” TJ said with a light smile, slowing his speed so he could hear all of what Cyrus was going to say.

“Do you like her?” he spat out, the question vague and mysterious, “the waitress from the Spoon, I mean. Do you like her?”

TJ took a deep breath, his smile slipping off of his face as he came to a complete stop. “Oh,” he mumbled, unsure of where to tread with the question, “I, uh,” he stammered, trying to calm himself. Just say it. If he doesn’t like it, he just won’t hang out with you anymore, he thought to himself. That terrified him; the idea that Cyrus would not talk to him again, he couldn’t handle that. “Do you--do you remember when I said that I had ‘stuff’?” he asked, feeling his heart rate start to pick up.

“Sure. It was the first day you came to the swings,” Cyrus reminded, swinging one leg over the swing so that he was stradling it. “Why?”

“This..girl,” he mumbled, the word almost strange in his mouth, “she’s not really my type,” he lied. Well, it wasn’t a complete lie; he didn’t like this girl because she wasn’t his type.

“Well, you’ll find someone, TJ,” Cyrus assured, punching his arm playfully, “you can be charming when you try,” he mumbled, a dusty pink creeping onto his cheeks.

TJ felt his own cheeks heat up at the compliment, but brushed that off. “N-no, you don’t understand,” he started, taking a final breath, “I-girls they’re...not my type,” he admitted, hoping he didn’t have to go into any more detail.

Cyrus took a moment to process this information before breaking out into a big smile. “I know exactly how you feel,” he told the taller boy, earning a confused look. “I’m gay, duh,” he spilled, giggling.

“Wait--really?” TJ asked, a little shocked to say the least. He’d seen Cyrus with Iris before, and he even heard that they’d kissed.

“Yeah,” Cyrus admitted sheepishly, shrugging, “I’ve known for a while, and I’ve only just now become comfortable with it. It took awhile, but I’ve accepted myself, and other people have too,” he added.

TJ nodded, trying to soak in all that Cyrus had told him. “Thanks,” he said finally, “I’m really glad I told you,” he admitted, shifting his legs so he was sitting like Cyrus, and shifted slightly closer. “But the thought of telling anyone else—“ he started, before Cyrus confidently reached out and took TJ’s hands in his own.

“You’re okay,” Cyrus assured him, tracing circles into his hands, feeling like he was floating. It felt like...how he felt around Jonah; perhaps a bit weaker, but he recognized the feeling. Do I like TJ? he worriedly thought to himself, pulling his hands away. TJ’s facial expression shifted, his smile a little less prominent than before. His hands felt...empty, like something was missing. Obviously, TJ knew that Cyrus’ hands were what was missing, but he didn’t have the courage to reach out and touch them. Instead, he opted for awkwardly clearing his throat.

“Do you—do you wanna come over to my house tonight?” he asked, the word ‘date’ threatening to leave his mouth, “just to like, hangout, or whatever. I’ll let you pick the movie?” he offered, hope lingering in his eyes.

Cyrus thought it over for a moment, before finally agreeing. The boys settled on 7:00, and TJ texted Cyrus the address while they were still at the swings.

“You’ll be there?” TJ asked, worried that Cyrus wouldn’t show up for some reason.

“Totally! Wouldn’t miss it for the world,” he assured him, turning to walk away, before stopping in his tracks. “Oh, I still have your jacket,” he mumbled bashfully, starting to slip it off, before TJ approached him and gently pulled it back on.

“Keep it for a while,” he said with a smile, adjusting the strings for the hood, “you look good,” he mumbled, the rest of the words getting caught in his throat, “—in the sweatshirt!” he added quickly, his face flushing, “the sweatshirt fits you good,” he tried to cover up his words, knowing he was failing.

A light pink dusted Cyrus’ cheeks as he clung onto the sweatshirt. “Thanks,” he murmured, starting to walk away, before turning back, “and for the record, I always look good,” he joked, hurrying home to get ready for his hangout with TJ.

TJ watched him run until he could no longer see him, and audibly side. He had it bad for Cyrus, like, really bad. “This movie night could change everything,” he noted, briskly walking off to his house.

[gingerxtrash]

As the years go on /8

Pairing: Nalu

Rating: T

Magnolia has two sides, the good and the bad. There are those who are innocent or evil, or even in the middle. The most ruthless yet successful gang in Magnolia is Fairy Tail. The whole gang are best friends as kids but Lucy had to leave and had no chance to tell them. Four years later she came back, but will her friends still take her in? Nalu, Gruvia, Jerza, Gale MENTIONS DRUGS

Hey guys I’m so so sorry on taking so long on updating. I’ve been super busy with work or I would be extremely tired. Lately I’ve been having a lot more anxiety so that really sucks and it messes with my motivation on writing the story. I still have ideas on what to write but I also am having writers block so it’s difficult to decide what to write. I don’t know if I should continue the story because I don’t know if you guys like it or not….any way I hope that you guys enjoy this chapter and please leave a like and review on it.

---Lucy’s P.O.V---

It’s so warm, Natsu’s embrace feels so comforting and warm. Tears are still falling but I am trying to stop them, I don’t want anyone to see my weak side, I don’t ever want anybody to see my weak side once again.

Moments later, Natsu let go due to someone entering the room, it looks like Macao? He has blue pulled back hair with a blue mustache, he had a white jacket with a blue shirt and a pair of jeans. Honestly I couldn’t tell it was him at first because I never saw him with a mustache before, honestly looks like a pervy old man.

“Natsu, I’m sorry to interrupt but you have another mission from Igneel” Macao said then left. Natsu looked annoyed and broke the hug, “Damn old man can’t give me a break, huh. I’m sorry but I must go Luce” he said and stood up to walk out of the door.

I am trying to stop shaking but my body won’t follow my orders, I take some deep breaths then I see a women in the next bed to me from the corner of my eye. The person has long messy blue hair and a bandage is wrapped around her forehead. It didn’t take me long to realize that it was Juvia and he was already awake, ‘she must’ve saw my episode just now’ I curse myself internally because I hate it when others see my weak side.

Juvia is sitting up and just looking straight ahead of her, probably lost in thought. I’m surprised that she doesn’t have a concusion at all from that brick hitting her head, but I am happy nonetheless that she isn’t looking too bad.

“Why?” Juvia said out of nowhere, interrupting my thoughts. I turned my head to look at her but she is still looking straight ahead of her, “Why what?” I said in a quiet voice.

Juvia turned her head towards me and started to raise her voice, “Why are you so selfish that you don’t ask anyone for help!” I look at her, a little surprised at her sudden comment. “I didn’t want to bo-“. She cleched her fists, grabbing the sheets of her bed. “Why do you never ask for help, Lucy! Don’t you know that we care for you and will drop everything to help you!? You may have left us for four years, but that doesn’t mean we will leave you.” I look down in guilt saying nothing. “You give off such a stupid emotionless face, trying to tell everyone that you are not the same person you were before, but do you f*cking believe me to believe that! You never changed from the little girl you were before, even if the others can’t see it!”

I look to her in surprise of what she said, not noticing all that much that she isn’t talking in third person right now.

“Ever since middle school you were verbally and mentally abused, but you shook it off saying a bunch of lies about you had homework to do or sum’. Why would staying to do homework give you stuffy eyes, bruises, and a slight limp? No one else probably didn’t notice it but I sure did! I hated that you always kept that to yourself!” At this point Juvia was almost yelling but also choking up on her words. “But now!? You keep on hiding all the pain and suffering you are going through! It’s not bruises you have…. You were raped by a psychopath, your parents were murdered, and you are taking on these burdens all by yourself. Whatever reason you have to keep things to yourself is not selfless, it is absolutely selfish!” by now she was in tears. I know that all the words coming from her mouth is true, but I really don’t know what to say.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t of talked like that” Juvia said and turned her head.

“No, you are completely right, I didn’t want anyone to know, I kept everything a secret because I was too scared. I kept everything to myself because I didn’t want to look sad when I am with you guys, I wanted to be strong like everyone. Now, I have to keep everything to myself because I want to keep everyone safe. My parent died working on this project and I won’t let anyone take advantage of them.”  I say with a serious face.

Juvia smiles a little and tries to hide her laughter, “you sure are forgetful, don’t you remember that Fairy Tail is the strongest gang is in all of Fiore.” Juvia said with a smirk. I don’t answer but I know without a doubt that she is right, Juvia gets out of her bed and walks towards me then sat on my bed. “Juvia has missed you so much” and gave me a soft smile. I put my head down and my bangs covered my eyes, but I look back up. “I’ve missed you too Juvia” I said, returning the smile she gave me. “Let’s get out of here, the others are worried sick about you” she said, I hesitate a little but I give her nod.

I get out of bed and walks towards the door and Juvia follows behind me, I opened the door, afraid of what I will see. I know for sure they will freak out from seeing the bruises on Juvia and I.

My thoughts are interrupted by a crimson haired woman that practically jumped on me and is now squeezing me to death. She pulls me out of the hug while she continued to grab my shoulders. “Lucy! We were so worried about you when we were told on what happened….how are you feeling?” She said with worried eyes but I responded with a smile, “Don’t worry, Juvia and I are tough girls, so we will be fine” and looked back to give Juvia a smile which she also returned. Gray ran up to Juvia to give her into a hug and said something which I couldn’t hear. I was just glad that he returned the feelings to her that he has always had.

---Third Person---

For the next two hours, everyone talked to each other, updating each other on what has happened over the years, but no one has dared to talk about the tragedies that everyone has gone through

Out of nowhere, a short girl with blue hair in piggy tails run towards the blonde, “I’m so sorry Lucy! It was my fault that you are hurt, I am so sorry that I wasn’t strong enough to protect you” Wendy said while tears were falling down her face. Lucy gently grabbed Wendy by the shoulders and bent down to be eye level with the blunette. “Wendy, you did an amazing job at protecting everyone, but sooner or later we cannot always be the hero. I know the feeling as well” Lucy looked down and remembered the moments that her parents sacrificed everything to save her but snapped out of the flashback to give Wendy a smile.  Wendy was taken aback by Lucy’s words and gave her a sad yet happy smile, “Well, I am happy that you are safe now!”.

“I couldn’t agree more”, everyone turns their heads to see a smirking rose colored hair man standing in front of the table the group was sitting at. “What’s with the confused faces, shouldn’t this be a reunion here?” Natsu said with a toothy grin.

“Hell yeah! Let’s stop moping around and party!!!” Cana said while holding up her wine bottle, ditching the apple juice bottle now. Everyone laughed and nodded, moments later the whole gang was partying and drinking as if they just had a victory in battle, but that is Fairy Tail for you. Even though everyone was having fun, there was still one person who was so unsure about the situation. The blonde was sitting there enjoying the company of those she loved but still put a fake smile on so no one can see her uneasiness. Lucy is originally very good at hiding her emotions when she wanted to, except for one person, the infamous but caring Natsu.

---Lucy’s P.O.V.---

Everyone is so happy. Everyone is having so much fun. And everyone acts so calm right now.

I feel suffocated here, like I don’t belong, like I don’t have a right to be here….I betrayed everyone here, but I don’t get how they can forgive me so easily. What Juvia said earlier was completely right and I can not deny that, but I can’t let go of my ambitions so easily at this point. I remain in thought until I feel a hand on my shoulder, I flinch and quickly turn to see who is touching me. Once I look at the individual, the first thing I see is Natsu with a very concerned look on his face, “Lets go somewhere private” he said to me and turned. I decided to follow him due to feeling a little clausterphobic with everyone going wild.

While walking to a quiet area, it felt like we were walking forever. I don’t know if it’s just my head acting weird from the awkwardness between us. I really want to know what’s concerning him, but at the same time I don’t feel like I have the right to talk to him so freely.  I try to speak, but I can’t figure out on what I should say. I can’t be like, “Hey, tough fight back there” or “Are you a trampoline because I wanna bounce on you”. I mentally stop myself from thinking like that and I can feel my face starting to heat up, thank the Lord that Natsu is still looking the other way.

Wow, I feel so embarrassed to know that I am thinking sexually about him…..I have no right….even if he has the body of a God. Natsu stopped out of nowhere and I accidentally bumped into him, but he didn’t even move.

“So, are you going to stop lying to me and tell me the truth?”

His voice is deep and a little bit hoarse right now, like he has been yelling or straining his voice. I wonder where he had to go earlier….wow, there I go again with thinking about him. Although, it makes sense, I’ve never stopped thinking about him after three long years.

“Uhh.. I- it depends on the question” I said to him while I looked down, so my bangs can cover my face.

“It’s a damn simple question Lucy” he said with a pause. Why does it make me sad that he doesn’t call me Luce, it’s just a nickname, but it’s only a nickname he can call me.

“Why did you create the Celestials?” he said in a husky voice.

I am not surprised nor disappointed by this question, I knew I had to tell him one day if he came back into my life. I look at him silently while he still had his back towards me.

“It was because I had no other choice” I said and there is a pause of silence, “I didn’t just do it for revenge…I did it because I would never be able to forgive myself if someone stole the work my parents died protecting” I said with my head down and my bangs covering my eyes. Only silence is filling the room which kind of bothered me but suddenly I feel warmth. I stand stiff on the ground, not moving a muscle when I feel Natsu wraps his arms around my waste.

“You really are a dumb little girl who has never changed over the last four years” Natsu said and chuckled a little, “Do you really think you are alone?”

“Honestly Natsu…. I am so confused with everything, I don’t know if what I am doing is right or wrong. Fairy Tail is the rightful owner of my parents’ project, but I am just being arrogant by trying to figure this out by myself” I said as I put my arms around Natsu and I rest my head on his chest, tears threatening to fall again.

He tightens the hug and I feel him slightly shake. I don’t know if he is shaking in anger, or if he is shaking because of something else.

“You have gone through so much, you were forced to endure so much pain and suffering at such a young age, yet you still fight for what is right. You are amazing, over the years you still are the girl who is so brave and still stands tall with a smile. As the years gone on, you are still the women I adore.” A tear falls down my face, but I try to hide it, Natsu puts his hand on my face and wiped away the single tear that fell. I am a little shocked from this I stay silent and he gives me a sad, yet uplifting smile, “Luce, you are not alone anymore, you are a member of Fairy Tail, you are my best friend, you are my inspiration, and you are the girl I fell in love with.”

Wait, did I hear him right?! Did he just say he loved me….I…Just how, I am unclean, unworthy of a man like him. He is the heir of Fairy Tail, he can make any girl fawn over him, so why would he want a girl with so many physical and mental scars?

“Natsu, why….why would you say something like that? I left you, I ignored you, and I rejected you….so that means I am not worthy of you” I said as I looked down at my feet and clenched my fists from how anxious I am. Natsu’s left hand squeezed my shoulder and his right index finger lifted my chin up. Our faces were just inches apart.

“Now, where is the girl who held her head up with a smile when she was broken?” He said with his toothy grin that can lighten the darkest room. “No matter what you do to me, no matter if you push me away, I will never let go of you. I won’t let go because I have the strength to protect you, unlike before” I can feel him leaning closer slowly and my body does the same without any thought. I close my eyes when I can feel his breath on my lips and I put my arms around his neck as his hands now rest around my waist. Natsu placed his lips on mine and I don’t dare to resist them….I cannot stop now because my body won’t let me. Without thinking, my hand traveled on the top of his head, softly gripped his hair and the other is wraps around his neck. He lets out a low moan and immediately I start craving more, like it’s becoming an addiction.

Natsu puts one hand around the back of my neck and the other on the arch of my back and rubs it, causing me to press myself closer to him. He moves his lips and starts to kiss my cheek and goes down to the side of my neck. I lean my head back and let out a soft moan in pleasure. I can feel him biting and sucking on my neck, making me let out a soft moan. His lips left my neck and lifts his head to his forehead on mine. I don’t bother on opening my eyes because I just want to enjoy this moment of pure bliss with him, and a moment to feel safe from everything. “Luce, you know I am not the type of person to lie. I will protect you from now on and I will fight with you in your battles. You are not alone when people who love you are around you” Natsu said in a deep and soothing voice. I looked up to see his smiling face, and the only thing I can do is smile. “O-okay” I said and then he gave me another kiss.

“Hey Natsu, Lucy…I’ve been looking for you two when Gray said you guys le-“ Grandeynee said as she entered the dark hallway we were in. She blushes a little then later had a big grin on her face and pulls out a camera, “ohhhh Natsu, just wait until your Father hears about this” Grandeynee starts to run away while Natsu yells for her not to and starts to chase her. I just let out a chuckle and proceed to go back where everyone else was.

‘Do I love Natsu?’

Ha, why am I even questioning this at all, of course I love him, but I don’t want to tell him because the mission I have promised is basically suicide. But I will not let my parents’ deaths be in vain. I will not be the weak one who is helpless anymore. If I die, I die of pride and nothing will change my mind on that.

I realize that I am lost so I just decide to keep wondering around, maybe it can keep my mind off of things for a while. I feel so overwhelmed with everything right now, a life I tried to keep secret is slowly being crumbled into pieces due to a simple injury. As I am walking I see an open door so I decide to peek inside and the only thing I saw was a room full of computers and a young boy. Wait…a young boy with blue hair? I knock on the door and startle the boy, “What’s with the gloomy face?” Happy turned around and had wide eyes, ‘are those tears I see?’ Without a second going by he runs into my arms “LUSHEE!!” Happy runs into my arms and hugs me tight, like he was scared that I was going to leave. “I’ve mi..missed you so much Lushee, please never leave us again” I’m a little shocked to see him crying but I give him a smile and reassure him that I am going nowhere. ‘He has grown up so much, but I am glad he is still as sweet and innocent just like before’.

After a couple minutes we decide to go back to the main hall, a.k.a. he is leading the way because I have no idea where I am.

Before I realize it, we end up in the main hall where all the people here are playing games and drinking to their hearts content, same as they always do. I look at the crowd and I immediately see an orange hair man and a pink haired woman, Loke and Virgo. Happy leaves to go meet up with Carla and Panther Lily. I walk over to Loke and Virgo to ask them when we are going to go home they looked at me with awkward expression.

“Well um…while Igneel and I were talking he told me that he wanted you to stay at his house, so his men can make sure that no one comes near you now that you’re a possible target due to last nights incident.” Loke said with a sweat drop over his head. My eyes start to widen due to these arrangements and I start to blush at the thought of being with Natsu…all alone… Why are they having me stay with them, I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself so I don’t need this kind of protection. “Ehhhhh!!!” I feel arms around my waist and I can feel someone’s breath on my neck, “Oh goodie Luce, we can share the same bed just like when we were kids!” I turn around to see an evil grin on my face and I can feel my face heating up. “WHAT WE NEVER SHARED THE SAME BED AS KIDS!!!” I yelled at him and scolded him while all he can do is laugh.  I puffed my cheeks and of course….ran away to escape from this embarrassment. ‘Why does he need to act like this? I should be happy now that I have reunited with everyone that I love so dearly…but I just feel guilty. I should’ve just been more careful while facing Jackal and Tempester. Since I’ve done that, Tartaros are definetely going to make a move since I killed on of their best men. I can’t stop thinking that this is the beginning of something horrible’.

I run out side and I find Igneel out there sitting on the steps and smoking a cigarette, I don’t know what to do so I just decide to leave him in peace, “Oh hello there Lucy” Igneel said and gave me a smile, “Hello Mr. Dragneel” He was wearing suit pants and a red buttoned up shirt, his crimson colored hair is a bit messy right now and he looks stressed and tired.

“You smoke?” Igneel said and offered me a cigarette so I take the offer and take a cigarette, “Sometimes” I chuckled to myself. He gave me a lighter and I lit up the cancer stick, “Lucy, I’m sorry on what happened to you parents. This is my fault that they are dead, so I understand if you have a grudge between me or Fairy Tail” Igneel said with a worried voice as he took a puff of his cigarette. I looked over to him, a little bit surprised that he said this. “And why do you say that?” I looked forward and inhaled and exhaled the smoke from my cigarette, “My parents decided to work on this project. They were loyal members of Fairy Tail and took the name with pride. They looked to you guys with trust and you were their comrades. Their death is no one’s faults except for the ones who killed them.” I said as I looked up to the sky. I could tell that Igneel was a little bit surprised, but he didn’t say a word. “Fairy glitter is their invention, not Fairy Tail’s yet so it is no ones’ fault.” I said as I looked down to the ground.

“You should know that everyone was worried about you and your parents, especially Natsu and the others. Yet, none of them ever lost faith in you, they are true, loyal, and honorable friends that are hard to find in a world like this.” Igneel said and proceeded to smoke his cigarette.

He stood up and threw the cigarette aside and started to walk away, “You are still young so lighten up and let others help.” Igneel said and entered the building which causes me to be alone. I throw the finished cigarette aside and decide to just stop thinking, Igneel is right. Dang, it’s really destroying my ego because of what everyone is telling me.

I decide to rest my head on my knees and I slowly end up drifting off to sleep, ignoring the fact that I am sitting on the cold crick covered stairs.

 Hey guys I am sorry for the boring chapter, I honestly hate this chapter but I feel like some people want at least some fluff between Natsu and Lucy. Originally I want them to be more cold against one another but I wanted to update asap because of making y’all wait so long. I like having humor in my stories because I don’t like being serious for too long. A lot more action will occur in the chapters but I just have to decide on how I will put in it order.

Any way I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter and please remember to give a like or review of you opinions of the story. Love you guys and thank you for motivating me to keep writing the story.

Pairing: Nalu

Rating: T

Magnolia has two sides, the good and the bad. There are those who are innocent or evil, or even in the middle. The most ruthless yet successful gang in Magnolia is Fairy Tail. The whole gang are best friends as kids but Lucy had to leave and had no chance to tell them. Four years later she came back, but will her friends still take her in? Nalu, Gruvia, Jerza, Gale MENTIONS DRUGS

Chapter 1 https://gingerxtrash.tumblr.com/post/173317577354/as-the-years-go-on

Chapter 2 https://gingerxtrash.tumblr.com/post/173429902759/as-the-years-go-onch2

Chapter 3 https://gingerxtrash.tumblr.com/post/173535087109/as-the-years-go-on3?is_related_post=1

Chapter 4 https://gingerxtrash.tumblr.com/post/173708634179/as-the-years-go-on-4

Chapter 5: https://gingerxtrash.tumblr.com/post/173978019329/as-the-years-go-on-5-pairing-nalu-rating-t

Chapter 6: https://gingerxtrash.tumblr.com/post/174105976019/as-the-years-go-on-6

Accent 6

[mylutteoheart]

In Our Dreams

It’s finally here, the chapter you’ve been waiting for. I’m not sure if I really like it. I tried to end it with a cliffhanger which was harder than I thought but I think I managed to do it so enjoy this. I hope I will be able to update soon.

According to the universe, soulmates see each other in their dreams until they meet each other in real life. So every time we go to sleep. You will find your soulmate waiting there for you.

Chapter 5: A meeting to never forget

chapter 1 , 2 , 3 , 4 | find my other fics here

The rest of the night was blur to Luna. Sleeping was hopeless to her so she tries to find things to keep her busy. She let her mind wander to him. To his eyes and to his smile. Everything he did seemed so fascinating for her. She remembered all the times they touched and how it made her feel. Just the thought of his skin on hers made her shiver and it also made her warm inside. It was pretty safe to say that she couldn't wait for this afternoon.

She was happy that morning was finally here and it was time for her to get ready for the day. The entire time she was getting ready, she had a huge smile on her face. She had this smile on her face the entire day and her parents didn't know what was going on.

"Why are you smiling like that?" her dad was too curious not to ask her.

"Nothing, I'm just happy that we live here." it wasn't a lie.

"Okay then, what are you going to do today?" her mother asked.

"I would love to go back to the place that I saw yesterday." she wanted to go back but she also needed an excuse to meet Matteo without them knowing about it.

"Are you sure about that?" her dad was worried.

"Yes, I'm certain." she had a look of certainty on her face and that was enough to convince her parents.

"Have fun then." Monica said.

They ate their breakfast in silence and it was nice. But while they were unpacking the rest of their stuff, her mom couldn't hold in the question anymore.

"So how's it going with your soulmate?" she eventually asked.

Luna was surprised by the question and got nervous. "I'm not sure what you mean." she tried to act casual.

"The boy you were dreaming of. Have you seen him again?" she insisted.

"No... No, I haven't seen him since that dream." she didn't want her mother to know just yet.

"Then maybe I was wrong and he isn't your soulmate." luckily, Monica dropped the subject after that and Luna could properly breathe again. But the conversation made her more nervous.

She was barely present for the rest of the day. The time was almost here. Luna changed clothers right before they were supposed to meet because she wanted to look pretty for him. For the first time in a long time, she was wearing a dress. It wasn't the usual thing to wear for her. She preferred shorts but she wanted to make an exception today. She put on a bit of make-up and left the mansion with her skates to keep up the charade. Her parents frowned when they saw she changed clothes but she left before they could ask her anything.

She left a half an hour before they were supposed to meet because she still had to find the way to that spot. It took her about 20 minutes to find it but she found the exact same spot where they were skating in her dream last night. It was weird to know this place was real. She went to sit down and waited for Matteo to come.

Matteo has never been so nervous in his entire life. He's going to meet her for real. He's going to see her in real life. He still couldn't believe it. Besides being nervous, he was also happy to finally being able to do this. He has been impatient the entire day and Gastón noticed.

"Relax, everything will be okay. You're Matteo Balsano, the king of the rink. Every girl who has ever met you, has fallen for you and this time won't be different." his best friend tried to say some encouraging words.

"But it's never been like this. I've never seen a girl in my dreams before. Now, she's always in my dreams. I can't stop thinking about her. She makes me feel something I never felt before. It's not the same, do you understand?" he sounded a bit angry because of his nerves.

"I know but she was happy to finally meet you too, right?" he kept going with the encouragement.

"She seemed very happy." he thought back on his dream. This made him smile.

"There's nothing to worry about. I'm sure you'll have a great time."

He couldn't stop smiling. He was more secure of himself now. "Thanks, bro. Thanks for helping me calm down."

They gave each other a hug and that's when Matteo left to get ready.

He wanted to change his clothes because he didn't think the clothes he was wearing were good enough. He searched and searched for the perfect clothes and decided to go with a T-shirt and a gray vest with matching pants. He had no idea what was going to happen but he used some mouth spray just in case.

It was finally time for him to go. Despite being confident about the meeting, he was still very nervous. He had no idea what to expect and he wondered if she looked exactly the same as in his dreams.

The moment has finally arrived, she was already sitting there on the bench. His hands started to get sweaty. He slowly stepped towards Luna and the more steps he took, the more nervous he was.

He finally arrived at the bench and Luna didn't notice him at first. She was playing with her bracelet, he immediately noticed. It was the cutest thing he has ever seen. He could stare at her like that for hours but decided not to.

"Hi." it was all he could make himself say.

Luna immediately looked up from her bracelet and looked into the direction the voice was coming from.

Her nerves seemed to go away once she saw him, just like the snow melts when he sees the sun. She smiled from ear to ear. He returned her smile and went to sit next to her.

They looked at each other with smiles for a long time, the silence was nice. They were both happy to see each other.

After a couple of long minutes, she finally answered: "Hi, Matteo."

He held out his hand and said: "Nice to meet you."

She shook his hand and answered: "Nice to meet you too." They laughed because and their last remaining nerves faded away.

It felt like they were in one of their dreams. It felt completely normal to them.

They also felt the same. Happy to see the other, feeling something they never felt before.

Matteo took in the view and commented: "You're just as small as in our dreams." he tried to joke to lift the tension he felt.

She pushed his shoulder to pretend that she felt insulted but couldn't hold in her laugh. "I see you do have the same sense of humour as in our dreams."

"Well, you seem to be the same too." he commented.

They laughed and looked at each other.

"I'm happy to finally see you in real life." she eventually said.

"Me too. You know? I was very nervous to meet you." he shyly admitted.

"I was too but I'm not anymore." she answered.

They smiled again. "I'm very happy that you live so close now." he went on. "We should definitely meet more often."

"We definitely should." she decided it was best if he had the word.

"I'd love to get to know you better." he moved closer to her. "What do you say if we go skate together sometime?" he suggested.

"Sounds amazing. I would love to skate with you." she let out a little laugh.

"Then you can see some more moves of the king of the rink." with this he leaned in closer to her.

"I can't wait, chico fresa." she leaned in as well.

Their lips were inches away now. The world seemed to have disappeared. It was just the two of them. They started breating in sync. Both their hearts started beating faster. They stopped thinking. All they could think of was the other's lips. They've been wanting to do this for a while. They held it in until now. They let their hearts speak, they didn't care about what was going to happen after. All they thought of was now. Their lips stayed like this for a very long time. They both wondered if this was going to happen or not. They both didn't want to make the first move so they were just sitting there, frozen.

[transstudiesarchive]

Poems from a young queer trans kid who eventually made it out

New offering for this project below (click “Keep reading”). Full text for the four poems above included below that. ______________________________

Four poems written by a young queer trans kid, raised Mormon, who didn’t know out queer people existed and had never heard of the concept of being trans. I lived in a small, conservative agricultural town with seemingly more churches than people. I was the fifth of eight kids. When I came across a bunch of my childhood poetry a while back after coming out as trans, they all made so much more sense…

Once I’d Seen Seattle

I think I’m glad I didn’t know sooner—

I’m not sure I’d have made it out.

I always knew I didn’t belong, but had no idea why.

I lived in a desert of ideas. Actually, it was worse than that.

I lived at ground zero where ideas that took hold were quickly censored or driven out; there was nothing in the air in my suffocatingly small, claustrophobic town to even let me conceptualize what I would later realize to be not only my truth, but my beautiful kaleidoscope of identities.

My town might as well have been an island because we never left the city limits. The only time anyone ever left was when my parents traveled to nearby towns for cancer treatments or other medical care.

I am the fifth of eight children raised in what I thought at the time was a staunch Mormon home. My dad was the eldest of six, all of whom lived within thirty minutes of us.

My siblings joked that I had to be adopted because it was clear I didn’t fit. Nothing fit.

But I kept trying.

I was a mama’s child and for some reason I was driven to be a golden child. I wanted to excel at everything and make my mom proud. But in my town, that meant Cub Scouts, then Boy Scouts along with church groups which became gender-segregated church groups and gender-segregated sports at school and at church. And outside school and church? Partying, partying, partying. And three-wheeling and fishing and shooting guns and hunting. But I never went hunting. (Even then, decades before waking to veganism, I couldn’t fathom how anyone could point a gun at a beautiful, innocent animal—a sentient being with a will to live—and pull the trigger.)

So I kept trying, sometimes channeling some fictional character to manifest some forced hyper-masculinity and jackass behavior. Somehow I survived all that and so did my closest friends. Even though at least a couple kids every year didn’t survive.

I learned about ‘homosexuals’ from the bible and felt a combination of curiosity and fear. Even as I sensed the repulsion and fear in others whenever it came up, I found myself fascinated. Was this me? Two close childhood friends later came out as queer.

Maybe, I told myself at the time, my discomfort in all-male spaces was because I was really attracted to guys and frightened it might show or that I would be tempted to act on those feelings.

But that didn’t explain how much discomfort, bordering on distress, I felt when I had to wear masculine church clothes—button-down shirts and jackets and slacks and ties and Oxford shoes. My mouth is getting that vomity sensation just writing this.

I remember the horror I felt one day when my sister pointed at my bare chest:

“You’re growing chest hair! You’re becoming a man!”

It’s the first time I remember feeling truly depressed. I found myself feeling more isolated as time passed and activities at school grew more polarized. Skipping events started to feel much better than staying and having to be one of the guys.

I loved nothing more than when I’d be invited to activities with the girls—but they were so heartbreakingly few! So I often stayed home, a devoted mama’s child, happy to help out with what she asked me to do.

In junior high school I had that rare teacher who loves what they do and has held onto the spark. He brought homemade borscht in when we were studying Russian literature.

I have no idea how, in a town like ours, he got approval to do this let alone budget, but he took us on an overnight trip to Seattle to see Shakespeare productions, art museums, art galleries and the science center. My world went from gray to a riot of color during that trip.

I don’t know if I saw something or someone in particular while there; if I did, it never registered consciously. But that trip lit something in me that gave me hope about who I was and who I could become. I knew there was someplace better for me.

In some ways, that made the next four years more difficult and more painful than the years before. Because compared to Seattle, my town was hell. Specifically, my town was a dull bathroom break in the red-state flyover part of hell. And I had four more years ahead with no clear path out even then.

I got contacts and became the class clown, but I lived under storm clouds I couldn’t dispel. My grades suffered. When I was at risk of not graduating, some friends of the family came up with a plan. I moved in with them and after graduation, at their encouragement, I left for a two-year Mormon mission to Japan.

Then I came back, moved to Seattle, met someone amazing, sang her Somebody by Depeche Mode without missing a word in the middle of the store at the mall where we worked. We got married in the temple because for some reason I was still doing that then. I struggled off and on with the feeling I might be gay. It was still all I knew; the only option that could explain the fact that I was different. That I didn’t belong.

I knew I’d made it out when I went back to visit my parents one year and the clerk at the drugstore asked my partner and I if we had ever visited the area before. I asked how they knew we were from out of town and they said, “I can just tell. Are you from Seattle or something?”

Almost thirteen years after saying “I do,” we divorced after giving an open relationship a try. I was a workaholic the entire time. A had a few relationships of varying duration, including some casual relationships with men. A couple months after swearing to stay single for a year I met the person I hope to spend the rest of my life with. We met through mutual friends, but both had online dating profiles and both had ours set to exclude vegans because WTF? How does that even work? Then we got together and went vegan.

Over the last several years before we met, the idea of being trans hit my radar. I’d talked with previous partners about it. I’d even gone through the not-atypical pattern of splurge-and-purge where I would embrace my sense of who I was and buy a bunch of skirts, cute tops, dresses and other things that never saw the world outside our house. My partners were supportive. But then I would panic and get rid of everything and go back to life in drag. I would do things like let my fingernails grow long, shave my armpits and some of my body hair, pluck my eyebrows—but never enough to “give me away,” as far as I knew.

Then at the age of 47 I learned my company was going through a restructuring and my department was being eliminated. Having grown up in poverty, I’d always let a stable job and reliable income take precedence over everything else. And my life history reflected that. But because of my partner, my circle of friends and who I’d allowed myself to become, I did something I never thought I would do. I left my job, volunteered at the local QIATBLG+ community center two days a week, did other social justice organizing and volunteer work, came out as trans, changed my name, updated all my legal documentation (including the non-binary X gender marker on my driver’s license) and enrolled in school full time. I had been on the fence on whether to start school or start a non-profit to serve the area trans and queer communities. When I learned about the brand new major at PSU—Sexuality, Gender and Queer Studies—I knew what I had to do. And I knew my life was right on track. - Iris @ Age 49

Signs of Humanity

Why can’t I be human? I’m called a child when I cry So I hold my feelings deep inside. Again I ask you, why?

Why can’t I be human? When I laugh, they think I’m weird. So I just smile to myself. Are feelings to be feared?

Why can’t I be human? When I’m quiet, they ask what’s wrong, So I think of something to talk about. Must I do this to belong?

Why can’t I be human? I’m scoffed at when I make a mistake. So I just turn and walk away, Though deep within, I ache.

Why can’t I be human? Why can’t I act like me?!?! Instead of just another model in… Series: Humanity. - by Iris @ Age 14

Close Your Eyes and Look at Me

Do not judge me by appearance. You have eyes but cannot see. Look at my spirit and my feelings. Close your eyes and look at me!

Hold your ears so you can listen. Hear my meaning, not my words. It is my heart that is speaking now. Is my language so absurd?

Quell your pride so you can feel. I know that you care deep inside. Why must these feelings that are so human Be held within, always denied? - by Iris @ Age 15

Balanced Confusion

Just sitting here, my mind is spinning With contemplative images. Caught in limbo between past and future, Unable to focus on the present. Trapped in a loop of unanswerable questions, I seek out nonexistent facts. Falling toward my termination— Groping for what is not there. Each time I sense a certain order And settle to a steady state, A new unknown begins to form And throws me into chaos. Emotions reign in my subconscious Running rampant, take their toll. I struggle to cling to reality, But slip across the line… Perceptions are nearly nullified. I no longer trust my senses. I crawl to the center of my mind And slumber in balanced confusion. - Iris @ Age 14

Sitting in the Oven

Sitting in the oven Wondering why the hell I’m here. I’m thinking and feeling something… Not sure what, but sure not fear.

It’s not too comfortable in here. I’m sitting on the wire rack; The bars aren’t big enough for my butt And there’s nothing to support my back.

Looking through the dirty glass I can see life passing by outside. Something is welling up inside me; I’m not sure what, but it’s sure not pride.

I guess I don’t like it here, But there isn’t much that I can do. Maybe if someone opens the door I’ll jump and try to make it through.

I’ve come to the conclusion That this is not the way to live. I’m thinking and feeling something… Not sure what, but sure not initiative. - Iris @ Age 16

[fictional-affliction]

Full Circle, Chapter 2

“Come on sweetheart, we have to hurry.” Courtney urged as she helped Addison put on her backpack.

“Why?” Addie struggled to get the big straps over her narrow shoulders.

“Mommy has to go back to work and the babysitter is meeting us at home.”

“But I want you to stay with me!” The smaller female protested.

“I know honey, I’m sorry, but I have to.” Then Addison began to do the thing that Courtney hated most. Her hazel eyes welled up with tears and her lips began to tremble and then came the onslaught of crying. Now she had the attention of other parents and children there for pick up. Great. The last thing Courtney needed was their judgement.

“What’s wrong Addie? Why are you crying?” Vanessa came over with a look of concern in her eyes. If Vanessa was nearby then that must have meant Duncan wasn’t far behind. Sure, they had absolved some of the awkwardness, but that didn’t mean it wasn’t weird. Courtney had managed to avoid bumping into him since their last encounter, over a week ago, and wasn’t sure she was comfortable with seeing Duncan regularly yet.

“I want my mommy!” Her caramel cheeks were tainted with pink from sobbing.

“But you’re mommy is right here?” Dark eyebrows knitted together in confusion.

“She has to go back to work!” Courtney felt a someone kneel next to her and didn’t need to look to be able to tell who it was.

“What’s wrong Little Princess? Who do I have to beat up?”

“I have to back to work, she’ll be okay.” Courtney reassured Duncan so that he wouldn’t involved.

“No I won’t!” By now they had the eyes of several people in the room.

“Addison, I’m sorry, but we have to leave right now.” Courtney picked up her protesting child, she loathed this part of being a single parent but she had little choice when it came to her job. Duncan hated to see the small girl cry. Any time Vanessa cried he would give her anything to make her stop, he just couldn’t stand it. He was a push over when it came to Vanessa. So he hadn’t quite thought it through when he suggested a solution to the problem at hand.

“Why don’t you let her come home with us and then you can pick her up when you’re done? We have an extra car seat.” The second it came out of his mouth he was kicking himself.

“Can she? Please? Please, please, please, please, pleeeeeeeeeease!” Vanessa was jumping up and down with her hands clasped together, begging the two adults.

“Mommy can I?” Courtney was torn. Giving her only daughter to be watched under Duncan’s supervision? It wasn’t something that she ever thought she would have to consider. She hated asking for help; and to ask for help from the last person she wanted it from? Courtney wasn’t sure her pride could take the hit.

“I don’t know…”

“What’s the worst that could happen? Vanessa’s made it this far with me as a parent. She’ll be fine.”

“We’ll be extra careful! We didn’t even bring the motorcycle today! Did we?” She turned to question her father. Duncan could already see Courtney’s eyes bulging out of her head at the thought.

“It only happened one time! And we live around the corner.”

“And I wore my unicorn helmet!” Vanessa added.

“And she wore her unicorn helmet.” Courtney still wasn’t convinced. Duncan took a step forward so that he was looking directly into her eyes.

“She’ll be safe with me, I promise.” He kept his voice low so that the children wouldn’t hear. Courtney considered him for a moment, maybe she should just take a chance.

“Okay…” She reluctantly handed off Addison to him and went into her purse to pull out her business card.

“Just text me your address.” Duncan nodded as he took it and put the card in his back pocket.

“Thank you Courtney!” Vanessa said as she reached for her dad to pick her up with his other arm. Courtney kissed Addison on the cheek as went to leave.

“Duncan?” She called over her shoulder.

“Yeah?”

“Don’t make me regret this.”

It was past eight by the time Courtney found herself in front of Duncan’s house. She wasn’t sure what she was expecting, but she almost didn’t expect it to look as normal as it did. Maybe she thought there would be skulls in the front yard or that the house would be painted black, but it looked like every other house on the street.

She raised a tired hand and mustered the rest of her energy to knock on the door. A few moments later the door swung open and suddenly she was very much awake; because there was Duncan in all his shirtless glory. Courtney couldn’t help it. She was too exhausted to look away. Duncan had always had a nice body, he had always been fit, but some changes drew her attention. Such as the full sleeve on his left arm and the tattoos on his ribs; or the smattering of chest hair. Her chocolate eyes traveled further down to his abdominal muscles and she couldn’t help it when her eyes drifted even lower.

“Like what you see Princess?” He smirked. It was a major ego boost for him that she still found him attractive. Not that he needed an ego boost. She immediately diverted her eyes. She had been blatantly looking and he had caught her. Instead of scrambling to defend herself she chose to ignore the question all together.

“Where’s my daughter?” Duncan rolled his eyes, well at least she wasn’t denying it. He led her down a hallway as she took in her surroundings. Besides the darker color palette that included deep reds and grays nothing about the interior of the house screamed punk rock.

They stopped in front of a door and Duncan pressed a finger to his lips to signal her to keep quiet. When he slowly opened the door, Courtney first noticed the room’s lilac walls with Christmas lights hung up on them, giving off a warm glow. It was sweet and girly compared to the rest of the house. In a corner of the room was a bed that had so many stuffed animals on it that there barely seemed space left for a person. Upon further inspection Courtney saw two little girls fast asleep.

“They’ve been out for over an hour.” Courtney’s right hand went to her chest, it was one of the most adorable things she had ever seen.

“They look so precious.” She said softly.

“They’re pretty cute, I guess.” Courtney looked on disbelievingly at his attempt to brush it off.

“You don’t have to act tough, you know.”

“Just because I grew out of my delinquent phase doesn’t mean I’m all sunshine and rainbows.”

“You know, I never asked, how was prison?” It gave her some sort of smug satisfaction to bring that up.

“Real jail is no joke. After my Ma bailed me out, I swore that I was never going back there.”

“At least you finally learned your lesson.”

As carefully as she could Courtney leaned forward to lift Addison from the bed, managing not to wake the other slumbering child. The four year old stirred slightly when jostled and opened her eyes briefly.

“Hi Mommy.” She mumbled sleepily.

“Hey Babygirl, go back to sleep.

“Kay.” Courtney had to admit it. Despite anything she had thought in the past. Duncan had grown up. He had managed to take care of two young children and got them to bed in a timely fashion. Even she had to say that she was impressed. She had been very speculative of leaving her daughter with him, but he had cleaned up his act as far as she could tell. He was a good dad. She had always known that he wasn’t as bad as he wanted others to think, but he had a record of terrible decision making that couldn’t easily be forgotten.

“She looks a lot like you.” Duncan said suddenly. Courtney cast her gaze towards who he was talking about. They did indeed look a lot alike. They had the same skin tone, freckles, and overall facial features. Although, Addison did have lighter hair and eyes than her mother.

“She has her father’s eyes…” She meant to think that in her head and not say it out loud. She assumed Duncan would eventually ask her about Addison’s father, but it wasn’t something she was ready to talk about yet. Not with him.

“It’s late.” Courtney announced before he could give a response.

“Right, I’ll let you out.” Maybe it was the exhaustion or wishful thinking, but she swore he sounded slightly disappointed.

Once they were back at the entrance of the house Duncan opened the door for her. She started to leave and wanted to go without saying anything, but she couldn’t help herself. Halfway through the door she turned around and stopped short. Their noses were almost touching and she could smell his leftover cologne. His teal eyes were staring into hers. She should have left like she had planned, because now they were staring for too long and the longer they stared, the more an invisible tension started to build.

Courtney willed herself to take a step backwards and to say what she initially was going to.

“I really appreciate what you did today. You’ve really grown up.” He straightened at change of events, and smirked, ready to play it all off if she was going to.

“I had to sometime right?”

“Responsibility looks good on you.”

“Everything looks good on me.” Her eyes narrowed.

“I’m trying to give you a compliment Duncan, don’t be a smartass.”

“Calm down Courtney. It’s not a big deal.”

“Then just say thank you like a normal human being! Why do you have to make everything so difficult?”

“Because it’s fun.” She grunted and turned around to march back to her car.

“Hey Princess?”

“What?” She said aggravated beyond belief.

“You wanna carpool?”

“Excuse me?”

“You can bring the girls to preschool in the morning and I can pick them up. It’s a win-win.” Never in a million years did she think she would be discussing carpool schedules with Duncan. Then again, she did have to stay late at work often.

“Fine.”

“See you in the morning Princess!” He mocked as she finally reached her car. What had she just gotten herself into?

I don’t think I will be updating again until after Christmas, so Happy Holidays everyone! Please feel free to leave a review :)

[senatorrorgana]

Jedikiller - One

summary: PEACE has returned to the galaxy after a long and hard fought battle against The First Order. Many were lost along the way, but many were gained as well, including the return of Luke Skywalker and redemption of Ben Solo. Those strong with the Force are being trained in the ways of the Gray Jedi and ushered into the galaxy under the wisdom of Luke himself, along with his apprentice - Rey - while the galaxy's future has never looked brighter.      

However, when other Force users around the galaxy begin to go missing and are found either dead or disconnected from the Force, it is undeniable that a new darkness is growing.     

 Despite wanting to charge into action again, things have changed for Rey; including the fact of that she is about to be a mother and is married to the newest Senator in the Republic - Poe Dameron. Knowing the galaxy and new order of Jedi need her, Rey will risk everything to end the darkness threatening her family once and for all. But just how much is Rey willing to lose in order to end the return of the Sith?

pairing: poe dameron x rey (damerey)

a/n: HI! It's been so long, it feels like years even though it's only been months! You might have seen me mention this once or twice that I was working on writing something, and this is what it was! It's been over a month in progress between school and work taking over my life, but I can feel the hype for TLJ building and this is what I got. The chapters will probably be pretty long like this one since I won't get to update as often as I like, but I'll try to keep it regular from here on out, maybe once a week or every other week? We'll see how my life scheduling goes! I hope you guys enjoy this passion project of mine, I'm having fun with it, and comments will always give me fuel to keep on going <3 

ao3: (x)

   Rey hated Coruscant.

   It was people on top of people at all times, it made her feel like she was constantly being smothered, even if she was in a spacious place. Just knowing there were more people on this planet than she had ever met in her life made her throat tighten just a bit at the thought of it. Despite all of this, she found herself on this planet more often than the quiet home she and Poe had built together. Poe was a Senator now, which meant he spent far more time on densely populated planets locked in Senate meetings then flying or at home. She missed him at home by herself, but when she found out she was pregnant. The need to be near him as much as she possibly could only grow, though she wasn’t sure if that was just hormones or her fear of being alone while dealing with something so foreign to her.

   They had an apartment during their time here, too large for Rey’s liking really, it left her feeling so vulnerable, despite all the guards and her apprentice who she was training in the ways of the Gray Jedi - Jade - being there around the clock. She didn’t feel she needed the protection, she could handle herself as she had for years before she met anyone else off of Jakku, but Poe had perhaps become even more protective of her than he already was when they first met. Being a Senator meant Poe could do great things for the galaxy, but it also put a target on his back, and she would be in the line of fire; so the guards stayed if only to keep anymore stress from taking over Poe.

   “You’re late,” Rey said, keeping her gaze fixated on the setting sun through the large windows of the apartment.

   They’d been together for almost four years now and Rey could tell whenever Poe walked into a room because of it, even when he was trying to sneak up on her - she knew.

   “I know,” Poe said with a sigh, “I got held up in a meeting.”

   “You’re always in a meeting anymore, I feel like I have to make an appointment with you just to see you for five minutes,” Rey said.

   She turned her attention away from the sunset and towards Poe. Rey hadn’t seen him in what felt like days, though she felt him crawl into bed at night and wrap his arms around her for the few hours of sleep he could get, leaving sometimes before she was even able to open her eyes. He had a five o’clock shadow and dark circles under his eyes, the Senate had been in discussions for the past two days, about what Rey didn’t know since Poe couldn’t tell her until all was said and done.

   “Well, I’ll have you know you’ve got me all to yourself tomorrow. We’re still in a stalemate and the council thought it’d be best if everyone took a day to themselves to think about it and get out of this deadlock,” Poe said.

   With that, he sat down beside her, wrapping an arm around her waist to pull her close and press a light kiss to her forehead. Poe rested a hand on Rey’s pregnant belly bump; she was six months into it and finally starting to show some signs of actually being pregnant. She’d been worried at first, especially after seeing how big Rose’s belly had gotten while she was pregnant with hers and Finn’s first child two years ago. Naturally, Poe had worried and had nearly every doctor on Coruscant check her just to tell her that it was natural between being someone of her stature and the life she lived on Jakku for nineteen years before finally leaving.

   “If I see you so much as glance at a datapad tomorrow, I’m throwing that thing off the balcony,” Rey said with a laugh, “You’re not working at all tomorrow in any way.”

   “I won’t, I promise,” Poe said.

   “Mhmm.”

   “Let’s think about dinner or something, what are you craving?” Poe asked.

   The break in the discussions helped no one, Poe still had his mind made up, as did the other members of the Senate. Truth be told, even if Poe wasn’t married to Rey or having a child with her, he still would have made the same choice. All strong with the Force should not be punished for the actions of one person, and even what they were proposing was far too extreme of an action to take against any one person. If Rey wasn’t pregnant and able to be so easily dismissed by the Senate as “emotionally compromised”, he would have had her sit in these discussions with him in a heartbeat, having experienced both sides of the Force, but Luke Skywalker himself was just as wise of a choice, having lived through so much more.

   “What you’re proposing is an extremist act,” Luke said, standing tall before everyone whose attention was locked onto him, “trying to control and confine the Force is not only impossible but suggests that you want to keep those strong with the Force under lock and key like prisoners, just because of how they were born.”

   Senator Prost Maverick watched Luke with a steady glare, the older man’s cold blue gaze showing he was already thinking of a rebuttal. Just like many proposing the idea of controlling Jedi and other Force users, he’d seen only the dark side of the Force and what someone strong with it could take away. The scar on his face and burns on his neck remnants of the Empire’s reign that took his parents, and the deaths of his family he built the remnants of the First Order.

   “Your family is the perfect example of what can happen to those strong with the Force. Your father and nephew being the pillars of what can happen to someone corrupted by the dark side. You and your sister happened to be the exceptions, and from what we’ve been able to tell, your daughter as well,” Maverick said, “but who is to say that the others out there will follow in your footsteps? What happens when someone just as powerful as you Skywalkers turns to the dark side and wants to destroy everything in the galaxy? Your father destroyed a planet, your nephew a system!”

   “The actions of both my father and nephew are unforgivable, yes. Nothing can ever undo the damage that has been done or bring back the lives of those lost, but they were their own actions,” Luke said, “my father died fighting against the Emperor with me, and my nephew is answering for his crimes against the galaxy as you have seen fit, but their actions do not define every person who uses the Force.”

   “You claim your father helped you, no one alive today save for you are alive to witness and attest to this, and as for your nephew, if it were up to me he would be dying a slow and painful death instead of rotting in a fortified cell, but we are civilized people after all,” Maverick said.

   “Senator Maverick, there’s nothing that can be done about the past. Both Anakin Skywalker and Ben Solo have answered for their crimes and nothing else can be done about that,” Poe said, cutting into the conversation and getting to his feet, “but we’re here to talk about the future of the galaxy and how we can handle things from here on out.”

   Maverick’s cold glare landed on him now, the man running a hand through his snow-white hair and taking a deep breath to calm himself. Many people were afraid of facing Maverick and his stubbornness, but not Poe, if Leia taught him anything, it was to stand for what you believed in.

   “If my time fighting the First Order taught me anything, Senator, it’s that only those who have the Force can control it, even then it’s difficult,” Poe said.

   “You’re right,” Maverick said, surprising most of the council, “the Force is uncontrollable, no one person can tame it, especially not someone like myself who doesn’t have even the slightest ounce of it in my veins. What we want is security for the entire galaxy, to prevent someone like Darth Vader or Kylo Ren rising again. Which is why we're disbanding your second attempt at Jedi before it even truly starts again.”

   “It's different this time, we’re not following the old ways that my father and nephew rose from-”

   “Which only makes your kind even more unpredictable than before,” Maverick snapped, cutting off Luke mid-sentence, “whoever you and your apprentice have under your care are to report to this council and surrender their weapons, your family included.”

   “Senator Maverick, the council hasn't reached an agreement yet, it’s a stalemate,” Poe said.

   “As of this morning it was no longer, there are more Senators against the Jedi than with them. This meeting was merely a formality, but I've grown tired of arguing, it's over,” Maverick said, a smug smile on his face, “I except you and your apprentice to set an example for your students by being the first to surrender those archaic weapons you wield, Skywalker.”

   With that, all the Senators rose to their feet and dispersed, murmurs filling the room as Senator Maverick and other fellow Senators dedicated to his cause and decision left with him. Poe felt a wave of dread settle in his gut, he knew this was wrong, all the Senators left knew it was wrong, but they were helpless to stop it.

   “This isn’t good,” Poe said under his breath.

   “No, it’s not,” Luke agreed with a sigh, “but if we want to keep this semblance of peace, it’s something we have to do.”

   “I’ll tell Rey, I’m used to the mood swings she’s been having lately,” Poe said, he knew the minute Rey heard about this she’d want to lash out at anyone in her path even though she didn’t mean any of it.

   He’d dealt with her like this many times even before she was pregnant, back when she wanted to tear the galaxy apart for taking so many people she loved away from her. For a while he thought he lost her back then, and there were times when he’d still see hints of that side of her emerge again, her rage turning into something dark, but she’d been good for a while - since the pregnancy happened at least. This though would surely set her off, and rightfully so, he just hoped he could keep her level-headed for now.

   “Do you think it’ll be a boy or a girl?” Jade asked.

   The girl was just a few years younger than Rey, though she lived a drastically different life before she wound up with her and Luke after the First Order was defeated. Daughter of a Senator who lived a soft and pampered childhood, never having to know what it was like to be hungry or be scared and alone. But Rey never envied her for all of that, at first perhaps she did, but she came to know Jade, taught her everything she knew and helped her learn to control the Force as best she could. But the delicate young girl still had much to learn with the callouses just starting to appear on her small pale hands, scars appearing in more numbers on her face, and sense of maturity finally setting in on her.

   “I’m not sure,” Rey said, watching her hands rest on her stomach, she couldn’t tell no matter how hard she tried to figure it out, especially after telling the doctors she wanted to find out for herself.

   “Would you want it to be one or the other more?” Jade asked, tucking a piece of her long blonde hair behind her ear, her green eyes filled with curiosity as she questioned her.

   “No, I just want it to be healthy,” Rey answered truthfully, it was all she ever wanted from the moment she found out she was pregnant.

   “My mom always wanted to have a boy after she had me, I think she was disappointed after she had my two sisters and couldn’t have any more kids,” Jade said.

   Before anything else could be said between the two, Poe entered the room and Rey got to her feet in a matter of seconds with a smile on her face. However, the smile quickly faded when she noticed Luke shortly behind him. No matter how hard she tried and after all, they’d been through together, Rey couldn’t help but continue to associate Luke with something bad happening, and from the grim look on both his and Poe’s faces, she knew it was nothing good.

   “What’s wrong?” Rey asked.

   Jade got to her feet as well, trying her best to stand at attention with Luke in the room, his reputation still preceding him no matter how many times Jade had met him face to face.

   “It’s nothing to worry about right now, I’ll tell you later when things settle down,” Poe said, letting a sigh escape.

   He seemed tired, more so than usual, and if it hadn’t been for Jade being there with a slightly fearful look on her face, Rey would have questioned him until he told her what was going on. Instead, she let it go, for now at least, and rested a hand on Jade’s shoulder, giving her a light squeeze before taking a seat back down on the sofa.

   “Luke, do you think you could take Jade for some meditation? I couldn’t focus earlier today,” Rey said.

   “Sure, I could use some peace and quiet myself,” Luke replied with a gruffness to his tone.

   Wordlessly, Jade followed Luke out of the room, and once the doors shut she could almost feel Poe tense up, knowing her questions were coming.

   “Do you want to sit? I haven’t seen you all day and you look like you’re about to fall over,” Rey said.

   Poe relaxed slightly, Rey felt terrible that he must have been bracing himself for her to pelt him with questions as to why Luke was there and what was going on. He made his way around the sofa before finally taking a seat beside her, Rey resting her head on his shoulder and drawing her lead as close to him as she possibly could, still trying to find a comfortable way to maneuver with her pregnant belly in the way half the time anymore.

   “What's going on?” She asked, keeping a gentle tone to her voice and feeling the exhaustion radiate off of him.

   “The Senate was in a stalemate for over a week discussing the future of how the Galaxy should handle people training with the Force, especially ones who have lightsabers like you and Luke,” Poe said with a sigh, “I called Luke in to make them see that not everyone who had the Force was dangerous, I didn't want to drag you into all of this.”

   “The way you two walked in here, I'm guessing the outcome wasn't good,” Rey said, mumbling her words into his jacket.

   “No, it wasn't,” Poe said, “this morning someone sided with the others and it gave Senator Maverick the authority to set forth his new rule of making everyone who is a practicing Jedi to turn over their lightsabers.”

   Rey felt a flash of anger run up her spine, but she kept it in check. Poe did everything he could while trying to keep her away from those stuffy Senators who knew nothing of the war other than it finally ended.

   “They think taking lightsabers will fix everything?” Rey asked.

   “I think they want to feel safer, and the lightsabers are the symbol of the Jedi, they want to feel some kind of control even though they could never control any of you,” Poe said, “they're afraid.”

   “Fear makes people do stupid things,” Rey said, speaking from her own experience of what fear of losing her friends and Poe made her do to keep them, “it's not a rational emotion.”

   “It's not, but I can understand why they want to do this, even though I don't agree with it,” Poe said.

   “What are they going to do?” Rey asked.

   She felt Poe tense up at this again in her embrace, and she knew whatever he was trying to avoid saying was not something she wanted to hear.

   “They want you and Luke to turn over your lightsabers first thing tomorrow morning, they already made Luke call in the others to start heading here tonight to turn over their lightsabers as well,” Poe said.

   The lightsaber wasn’t something Rey ever wanted at first, in fact, she wanted to be as far away from it as possible after her very first encounter with it so many years ago now it seemed. But she grew fond of it, trained with it, and it became a part of her just as much as it had once been a part of Anakin and Luke before her. At the end of the day, it was just a lightsaber, a symbol of something much greater than what it actually was. She’d learned how to pick her battles over the years, and she knew that this was not the battle to fight. Jedi were more than their weapons, and they’d continue to be Jedi without them.

   “Okay,” Rey said, finally speaking after a moment of silence.

   “You’re taking this better than I thought you would,” Poe said, looking over at her in slight confusion.

   “I’m just tired of fighting,” Rey said, “I just want to go home.”

   “We will, as soon as this is over with tomorrow we’re both going home and staying there until our little girl is born,” Poe said.

   Rey glared up at him, her brows scrunched together and a questioning look in her eye.

   “Or boy,” Poe added.

   “You want a girl, don’t you?” Rey asked with a slight smile.

   “More than anything in the galaxy,” Poe said with a grin, “but if we have a boy I’ll be just as happy.”

   “I want to go home, sleep in our bed, and eat Koyo melons until I’m sick of them,” Rey said, “I haven't had one in ages.”

   “You can have all the Koyo melons you want when we get home,” Poe said, “do you have everything packed up? I want to leave here as soon as this is done.”

   “I’ve been ready to leave for over a month,” Rey said, untangling herself from Poe and getting up slowly, “but I am going to miss the garden upstairs, so I’m going to go for one last walk.”

   “You want me to go with you?” Poe asked.

   If he knew where she was going, Rey knew he wouldn’t have ever asked that question in the first place.

   “No, it’s fine, I’ll probably try to meditate some while up there. I won’t be gone long,” she said.

   “Alright,” Poe said, getting up to his feet as well and pressing a kiss to her cheek, “love you.”

   “Love you too,” Rey replied, trying to push aside the feeling of guilt for not telling him where she was truly going.

   Years ago, Rey had called Ben a monster, and at the time he was one. He chased her across the galaxy and fought many battles against one another. Years ago, he wanted to kill her and she wanted to kill him, even after she discovered they were family. Towards the end rage fueled most of her actions, she was getting to be no better than him. After the First Order was defeated with Ben’s help, things became better between them, though nothing could truly ever be perfect given all they’d done to one another.

   The Senate kept Ben imprisoned, and though he probably could have used the Force to leave many times, he chose to stay to pay for what he’d done. Whenever Rey was on Coruscant, she made it a point to visit him once a week though their conversations were often tense. She would have come to see him to say she was leaving regardless, but now she needed to tell him what was about to happen.

   They kept him in restraints almost all the time, he looked more pale and gaunt than usual, Rey wouldn’t be surprised if they had been especially cruel since these discussions Poe had been a part of began. He looked up at her when he noticed her presence, his eyes especially dark and posture more hunched over than usual.

   “Ben,” Rey said curtly, standing on the other side of the glass.

   “Rey,” Ben replied, his tone weak and the dark circles under his eyes indicating little sleep.

   “Are you alright?” She asked.

   “Them? They’re nothing,” Ben said, catching on to what she was implicating, “it’s the nightmares, haven’t you gotten them too?”

   “No...should I?” Rey asked.

   Ben hesitated. “Maybe not.”

   He shifted in his seat, trying to move his hands only to be stopped by the restraints.

   “The role of a Senator’s wife suits you,” He commented.

   Rey usually opted out of wearing dresses, especially ones that were more on the gown side of things that had a train following behind her, but ever since she started to show more in her pregnancy, it was far easier to deal with.

   “I came here to say goodbye, I won’t be back for a few months probably,” Rey said.

   “Good luck then, you’ll need it,” Ben replied.

   “What’s that supposed to mean?” Rey asked, feeling her anger try to take control at the comment.

   “I heard about what the Senate was doing, they wouldn’t shut up about it down here. I think they thought it would bother me in some way,” Ben said, keeping his calm though she knew he could sense her anger. ‘You still have it though don’t you, hidden away somewhere?’ His voice intruded into her thoughts.

   ‘They won’t find it, they still think it’s destroyed,’ Rey replied.

   ‘It’s better off that way,’ Ben said, “Does Senator Dameron know you’re here?”

   The two never liked each other for obvious reasons, Poe for what Ben had done to him and the nightmares he still had to this day because of his torture; Ben for the simple reason of that he believed Leia had loved Poe more than she ever loved him, despite it being a lie.

   “No, if he knew I came here he wouldn’t have let me leave the room, especially now like this,” Rey rested her hands on her stomach.

   “I wouldn’t hurt you or her, I’ve hurt enough people for one lifetime,” Ben said.

   “...It’s a girl?” Rey asked, smiling as she looked down, she still didn’t know how others could sense it while she couldn’t.

   “I thought you knew,” Ben commented, “but yes. And it’s understandable, if things were different, I wouldn’t have let a family of mine get anywhere near someone like me either.”

   Solitude changed Ben, he had his moments as any other human being did, but he was different from who he used to be.

   “I-I should go,” Rey said, “Poe will start looking for me soon.”

   “Be safe,” Ben said.

   Rey hesitated, “You too...and may the force be with you.”

[roraewrites]

ten

[ sakura’s secret ] rating: m

//last update for the week! i’ll be inactive this weekend as far as posting content, but i’ll hopefully have the next chapter out sunday night/monday . nothing too exciting this time, just transitioning ~

previous | next

Frozen, crunchy grass, minimal rays of golden light, piles of leaves from dead trees -- November was in full swing. Mornings always bit with the intentions of upcoming winter, but Sakura couldn’t feel the chilly bites of realization anymore.

She was drunk on Sasuke and high on life. Between her school work, spending time studying and Sasuke, she was in a continuous cycle. Her friends still didn’t know about Sasuke, her family didn’t know about him, but neither did Sasuke’s friends or family know about Sakura.

A few more months, Sakura kept reminding herself. Only a few more months until her eighteenth birthday, and maybe then she would be looked at like an adult. A few more months.

“Don’t forget that we will be having family over soon,” Mebuki reminded from across the table.

When Sakura’s jade eyes found her mother’s glazed over look, she offered a tired smile. “Yeah, I won’t forget.” But her answer didn’t seem to calm her mother’s facial expression, nor ease it up at all.

“Everything okay, mom?”

Mebuki came to cross her fingers under her chin, balancing her head in place; it was such a Sasuke thing whenever Sakura watched anyone else but him do this.

“You’ve been acting different lately. Staying out late every night, avoiding questions, going out and not coming home over the weekend. It just seems a little odd to me,” Mebuki finally deadpanned, her voice as dry as a desert.

Sakura frowned before an unsettling feeling crawled up her spine. Had she really noticed all of that?

“I’m enjoying my senior year with my friends.”

“And what friends would that be?” Mebuki retorted.

Sakura was taken aback, her eyes wide with fear and her lips parting. She was hanging out with Naruto and Ino, of course. Who else?

“Naruto and Ino,” Sakura responded before taking a bite of her breakfast and washing it down with a swig of ice cold water.

She nodded her head once before glancing out the winter to their dining room. The trees were all bare now, and only one or two birds still hung around, braving out the changing weather. The sky was painted in golden hues of oranges and yellows, due to the early hour, while gray clouds began to come in from the east.

“The last time I saw Ino was back in September, Sakura.”

Sakura began to count the days, backtracking exactly when Ino had been over the same time as her mother. Throughout all her years of growing up, Ino was normally attending family dinners, outings, and simple movie nights with both Sakura and her mother. Now all Mebuki would come home  to was an empty house and a text from her daughter: I’ll be home late. Studying.

“She was here on Halloween,” she responded quietly.

Again, Mebuki nodded once. It was entirely unlike her to push a subject for this long, but then again, a mother’s concern was the greatest of all.

The topic was dying down, until her very next question.

“So who’s the boy you’ve been seeing?” She asked with a gentle smile and tired eyes.

Her heart was now soaring, her fingers trembling slightly and her body temperature rising. She couldn’t possibly confide in her mother just yet. Sakura promised herself that she would introduce the two of them, not as Sakura’s sensei, but something more. Just not right now. Later.

Time was against her the longer she thought about her answer. It was already too long to use her usual excuse of ‘nothing’ and the moment her mother shifted in her seat, Sakura found her eyes watching the ticking clock behind her mother’s golden hair.

“Oh, him? He’s nothing special,” she lied, but her mother saw right through it. “Not special enough to bring home, yet.”

It hurt her to say it, because Sasuke was very special to her. He made he feels things she never felt in her life before, brought laughter and a peace of mind to her.

“If you keep seeing him, someday he’ll have to meet your parents,” Mebuki reminded her.

Sakura felt her cheeks flush -- this was the first time she had ever talked about boys with her mother, other than the simple “He’s cute!” or “Look at him!”

This was a matter of getting caught now. They would need to rethink their strategy from now on.

“Got it,” Sakura stood from the table and walked her plate to the sink. She began to rinse it off and wash it before rinsing it once more. Her mind was like a whirlwind of thoughts now; would their terms of meeting and hanging out last, or were they on their way to getting caught?

In her furry of overthinking, the plate slipped from her hands, missed landing on the counter and shattered against the java hardwood floors. She didn’t feel any sort of anger slip through her mind, she only wanted to cry and scream.

“Sakura!” Mebuki was up and by her side, comforting Sakura’s frozen form. “Did any get you?”

She couldn’t answer, wouldn’t answer. Instead, she began to pick up the pieces with her fingers, her eyes glassy while her body was completely numb. Thoughts of no longer carrying on with her secret relationship tainted her mind, made her feel absolutely angry and scared and exhausted.

“Stop, darling. I’ll sweep it up,” her mother comforted her, wrapping her arms around her before pulling her away. “Just go get ready for school.”

Sakura simply nodded her pretty head before stepping around the glass, careful to avoid the smallest of pieces. Her throat was extremely dry, her eyes burning from tears that threatened to fall, and her body tensed up and uncomfortable.

This was what she signed up for with Sasuke when she confirmed that this was what she wanted. A life of living in secrets, unable to confide in her mother or Ino, Naruto included.

As happy as Sasuke made her, also came a downfall of living in the shadows.

“Only a few more months,” Sakura promised herself, promised Sasuke, and all of the people she was close to. “A few more months.”

.

.

.

November was turning out to be a dreadful month. Classes were slow, her time spent with Sasuke was kept to a minimum, and her mother had been breathing down her neck.

She felt caged when she began to return home after school. She missed staying late with Sasuke, doing her own thing while he finished up with work, yet they didn’t mind the silence that filled the space between the two of them. They worked hand in hand with one another; his quiet, sarcastic side was something that Sakura had taken a liking to.

Whenever she did see Sasuke though, she could see the ghost of a smirk on his lips. Their eyes would meet almost every other five minutes during class, hidden messages passing through obsidian to viridian, and as much as it killed Sakura to remain seated and not jump from her seat, she stayed like a good girl.

Ever since she began her fling with Sasuke, she found that her grades had been higher than ever. She was paying attention to detail more so than not, her studies came easier to her and she felt more determined to get into medical school and prove to everyone that she was working hard and not just goofing off; there was just something about Sasuke that made her determined not to give up.

Sakura set her pen down on her desk and stood from her seat. Sasuke’s head lifted only to meet her stare and when she began to walk towards him, he sat back comfortably.

She could only focus on his lips, the way they sat, thin and soft.

With her arm extended, she passed her finished test over towards him and offered a gentle smile, her eyes twinkling with admiration. Sasuke raised a single eyebrow, the corner of his lips raising before she turned on her heel and headed back towards her desk.

A pair of ruby eyes caught her attention; a pale face with eyebrows pulled together, her red hair flaring out wildly on one side; Karin stared her down. Sakura didn’t falter at the eye contact, only continued her walk by her until she reached her seat and sat back down. It looked like her classmates were all pretty close to finishing now, but in her spare time, she pulled her folder that held scholarships and left off where she had started.

Her mind felt cluttered lately, but whenever she looked up to give her eyes a break, she caught Sasuke’s stare, remembering the way he told her how focused she looked when she would write. Sakura could feel her cheeks dust over with a light pink before looking back down.

Oh, how he still had that effect on her and oh, how she adored those deep, dark eyes of his.

.

.

.

She felt her days begin to blur together, and as much as Sakura hated to admit it, she was beginning to grow exhausted with each passing day of her senior year. It was a constant barrage of school, school wook, avoiding curious eyes and wandering rumors, trying to maintain a breaking friendship with Naruto and Ino, scholarships, and wringing her mind with how her and Sasuke could keep seeing each other.

Ever since their kiss, it felt like everything had began to fall apart and these were the things she thought about late at night. Sakura didn’t feel like going out to parties anymore, plus her friends quit inviting her the moment she began to push them to the side and focus on other things.

The music that played through her headphones soothed her anxious mind, but it didn’t solve her problems. Finally, her phone vibrated and when her eyes dropped to look at the screen, she felt an instant wave of life wash over her.

Come see me.

It was Sasuke with his fake name splayed across the screen. Those simple three words set fireworks launching through her mind, set her body on fire.

It’s passed two. Shouldn’t you be asleep?

She waited not even a minute, and a message pulled through on her phone.

I could ask you the same thing. Come outside.

Sakura frowned before unplugging her headphones and throwing them to the side. She pulled on Sasuke’s university hoodie and a pair of winter boots before making her way over to her window. The familiar cars that lined the streets were the only things she could see, but then her eyes landed on Sasuke’s familiar black car.

Though she felt her cheeks light up and her eyes widen and her heart began to rush in her chest, she also knew that there would be a time -- soon -- that they would need to discuss what was transpiring between the two of them.

Instead of standing in her window, gawking at him, she made her way down the stairs -- she removed her boots, knowing they would make clonky sounds while making her way down -- but the moment she opened the front door, it was like ice and venom biting into her skin.

“Fucking cold,” she hissed, her eyes squinting to fight the bitter breeze.

Her feet carried her to Sasuke and the moment she pulled the door open and crawled in, she was greeted by tired eyes and messy hair.

“Hi,” she breathed out, taken aback by how handsome he was, especially when he didn’t try.

Sasuke didn’t respond, only look at her with those tired gray eyes of his. The longer she looked at him, the more she could see the light that had once been lit there, slowly diminish to a flickering flame that threatened to die out at any moment.

“What’s wrong?” She asked, one of her knees came to rest against her chest, while she sat on her other leg. The simple furrow of his eyebrows made her lean closer, and when she thought he was going to answer, his hands were on her cheeks, and his lips pressed against hers.

He tasted and felt good against her lips again, and the longer he held her there, the drunker she became off his intoxicating scent. Her heart ached for him, yearned for him; Halloween was their last shared kiss, and now here they were, meeting late in the hour, both tired and hurting.

Sakura felt it through his kiss just how much he needed her, missed her, desired her.

“It’s so annoying,” he murmured while her lips were still against his. “So fucking annoying.”

Sasuke pulled away slightly, but his forehead came to rest against hers, and Sakura fought back the scalding tears that threatened to fall. She swallowed hard and closed her eyes, breathing in his smoky scent.

“What’s wrong?” She asked quietly in the darkness of his car. His hands still held onto her cheeks, firm but soft, and her hands came to hold his forearms.

It took him a moment to answer, but when he did, he pulled away and looked into her eyes. His thick, black lashes hooding eyes that told stories -- stories that were still untold.

She slowly let go of his arms and his hands slid down her cheeks, one completely dropping while the other ran through her messy, pastel tresses.

“You’re different,” his voice was hoarse and his eyes dropped to watch his fingers twirl through her silk locks.

“I’m just tired,” Sakura tried to reason, but she knew Sasuke was smart, smart enough to see through her lies, but he remained quiet as his eyes stared right through her. “I’m okay, though. I really am.”

“Sakura.”

And there’s something about the way he says her name and how his eyes grow intense, like a roaring fire on the mountainside, or how a hurricane demolishes buildings in its wake. He’s a force to be reckoned with, and Sakura stands in the eye of the storm.

“I don’t want you to get in trouble.” She finally admits through sealed lips and eyes that gloss over with tears that won’t fall.

“I won’t,” he responds quickly. Sasuke is smart, witty, he’s clever and knows how to work around the system, she comes to realize. He’s young and he still has his moments that would look to be childish to the other instructors at the school, but he’s mature for his age and he’s got that going for him.

“We’ll work through it.” Sakura knows he means it, because his eyes shimmer with untold promises.

“Then what? What happens after that?” Sakura finds herself asking, her tone firm. It’s been something on her mind since November first, and here she is, awaiting the answer.

“We’ll find out,” he frowns but his gorgeous features never falter.

Sakura nods her head, and leans farther away from him. Her breathing begins to calm down now, and although she still has her concerns, she can trust him.

It was funny, Sakura thought, how a simple crush formed into something more over the course of a couple months. She never considered what would happen from there, but now that they were going to progress forward with this thing between them, she started to think of how things would be after she graduated from school.

“Now what?” She asks from her seat, her knee still pulled to her chest while her arms hug around her leg. Sakura finds that the quiet air had been filled with tension, and although they decided to work through it, there was still something amiss.

Sasuke’s smirk kick started her heart and when his eyes reflected the light from the stereo, Sakura frowned slightly. “How long do you have?”

Sakura shrugged, “my mom normally leaves for work around five in morning. Why?”

“We can go somewhere,” Sasuke started his car. The low hum of his engine started up, and as he put his car into first gear and started moving, Sakura latched her seatbelt over her chest. Of course, it didn’t go unnoticed by him.

“Where?” She asked as he shifted to second gear and the car began to move faster. She noticed that he kept it slow, noting that the roads would probably be icy due to the cold weather.

“You’ll see.”

Sakura kept her eyes on the road, watching as they drove by familiar houses and the playground she would play at when she was younger. They drove by her old school and Naruto’s house, passed the tree they shared their first kiss by, and finally on their way out of town. Sasuke followed the road that led through the hills; the trees bare and grass dead, the greenery that once hid this road was no more.

“Have you ever been up here?” He asked after a few moments of silence.

She watched her surroundings as they kept going, trying to find something familiar that she would notice, but to no avail. “No?”

“Good,” he replied, and just with that simple word, she felt chills creep through her body and his ghost of a kiss on her skin. She would never forget that feeling, how close he was, how his lips felt the first time he touched her.

When the car’s engine started to grow quiet, Sakura noticed that they were no longer heading up, but the road had leveled out. Now that she realized where exactly they were going, a smile painted itself on her lips.

He had taken her to one of the highest points in Konoha; a perch that looked over the city, but at night, the millions of lights that twinkled under the oncoming winter sky amazed Sakura.

Sasuke parked his car by the guard rail and Sakura simply couldn’t pull her eyes from the sight. The downtown part of Konoha was busy, she could tell, but when her eyes scanned towards the outskirts of the town, the lights began to dim. Viridian eyes searched for Sasuke’s condo, and when she couldn’t find it, they landed on her school.

“It’s so pretty,” she whispered, mostly to herself, but Sasuke scoffed.

“Have you never seen Konoha at night?”

“Not from up here,” she spoke through a dazed state of mind. From yellows, oranges, greens, reds, pinks, to blues, Konoha offered many different lights and the main road that cut straight through the city held multiple cars. “It’s so busy.”

“It’s always busy,” Sasuke retorted, and when Sakura glanced at him, she could see the reflections of all the millions lights in his eyes. “It’s peaceful up here, especially in the middle of summer.”

“Why’s that?”

“You’ll have to see for yourself,” he smirked.

Sakura shook her head before settling back and watching the busy road that held cars of all types, and watching lights either flicker on or off. The sky remained black throughout the night, and although she knew she should be at home and in bed, this was much better than a night filled with overthinking and restless sleep.

Time spent with Sasuke should’ve been forbidden, but they took it as a challenge, and together, they agreed that they would get around it.

“Hey, Sasuke?”

“Hn.”

“Will you teach me how to drive your car?”

A long pause, until he finally groaned, “maybe.”

[thesundaymorningpost]

The Sunday Morning Post

September 3, 2017                                                          10th Edition

Current News:

Yuri on Ice: ShitBang

On August 31st, if you love Yuri on Ice, your feed may have blown up with stories and artwork created as a means for writers and artists to come together and work on a project together.

What is the Shit Bang you ask? It is an amazing event for writers and artists to come together and write and draw about the amazing anime we all love: Yuri!!! On Ice! But a little more than that this is a direct - non-hateful - response to THAT blog. You know the one I’m talking about. Yup. THAT one. - @yoi-shit-bang

The amount of stories and artwork has been astounding. From one-shots, to multi-chapters, all written by amazing authors. Then there is all the amazing artwork that has come with it, by some amazing and very talented artists.

Please keep in mind that many subjects may trigger, please read all tags before reading a story. 

Story Recommendation: we have loved the stars too fondly by @thehandsingsweapon

“We live in a blue planet that circles around a ball of fire next to a moon that moves the sea, and you don’t believe in miracles?”

After an academic career at MIT and Oxford, Yuuri Katsuki eschews job offers at places like NASA and CERN to go work at the Very Large Array in what Phichit Chulanont lovingly calls The Actual Middle of Nowhere, New Mexico, monitoring radio frequencies from light-years away. He's loved the stars for as long as he can remember, and the universe feels so big sometimes that Yuuri is sure it would be a cruel mistake for humans to be all alone.

Enter the latest scientist to join the staff of the VLA, enigmatic Russian genius Victor Nikiforov, around whom Yuuri’s entire universe seems to bend to make room, and the strange, recurring dreams Yuuri keeps having, where something like love carries him across the stars.

Does love travel faster than light? Do souls?

“The cosmos is within us. We are made of star-stuff. We are a way for the universe to know itself.”

"Yuri, on Stars!!   This lovely short story will resonate with anyone that lives the heavens.  Dreamscapes thought to be a figment of Yuuri's imagination turn out to be a more real than tangible science, and Viktor is patient with all his insecurities.  With just the right amount of angst to give it depth, this vignette will take you into the endless cosmos!" - @darkrivertempest

Artist Spotlight:

we have loved the stars too fondly by @shadhahvar

Comic:

Good boy by @floccinaucinihilipilificationa  (Click title to reblog)

Support: 

This week’s Ko-Fi shout-out goes to Discoursemoth | @lowercasewrites  (Click to buy coffee)

im sei! im a non-passing trans boy with unsupportive parents, and im using this account primarily to pay for things that could help me pass better, such as a packer and binder. you obviously dont have to donate but i would really appreciate it!                                

Patreon: YukiPri | @yukipri  (Click name to become a patreon)

Hey there!! Thanks so much for visiting my Patreon. I'm Kazu, also YukiPri on Tumblr. I'm currently a freelance translator and illustrator who is HOPING to support myself primarily through art. My passion is telling my own unique stories through visual media, and I love world-building, costume design, and overall extensively over-thinking all of my stories. This patreon is a step towards hopefully better sustaining myself off of art so I can continue to grow as a professional artist and produce content that you can enjoy! I am unbelievably grateful to every patron who helps me continue to do what I love doing. My wish is for the majority of my work to remain public, but I also desperately need to support myself, and also have a variety of content that I'm not comfortable posting publicly for various reasons. As thanks for your support, my patrons will get access to exclusive content, including WIPs/sketches, previews, art progress/tutorials, higher resolution art, early access, and nsfw content!

Fun and Games:

10 Questions Every Fic Writer Secretly Wants to be Asked by @wyseink  (Click Title to reblog)

There are a lot of fic questions that float around online, but rarely do they ever ask specific questions about the fics themselves. Ask any writer one or more of these ten questions to learn more about the fic and show support.

1. Of the fics you’ve written, which is your favorite and why?

2. Which scene was your favorite to write in [title of fic]?

3. Which part of [title] was hardest to write?

4. If you could change anything in [title], what would it be?

5. Did you make an outline for [title]? Did you stick to it?

6. Which scenes did you cut, and which were added in [title]?

7. Who was your favorite character to write in [title]?

8. Which came first, the title or the fic?

9. Which idea came to you first in [title]?

10. What are some facts readers may not know about [title]?

Story Prompt:

Monochrome by @diamondwinters An AU where people who are sad, down, depressed cannot hide it. Whenever you get sad, you start to loose your color. Your skin turns pale, your eyes loose their color, and turn gray or white, and your hair turns gray. Like an old black and white tv show, you loose all your color when you’re very sad. A little bit of sadness might dim your natural colors, but you wouldn’t loose them. It’s during a time when you feel heart broken, or very depressed that you go Monochrome. Such as a big break up, a death of a loved one, deep depression, etc. Monochrome is the medical term used by the doctors in this AU to describe turning gray in a world of color.

Some people who are unable to get happy, may use make-up, contacts, and hair color to hide the fact that they’re depressed, but eventually even those things will loose their color and will need to be replaced.

The best thing to do is to find your happiness. Be with friends, and family who can help you bring your color back. The brighter you are, the more vivid your colors are, the happier you are.

Art Prompt:

Imagine your OTP by @bumble-beany

Person A: Are you awake?                                         

Person B: I am now                                         

Person A: I was just wondering...                                         

Person A: What do you think it'd be like to be a pregnant male seahorse?

Person B: Really?! You woke me up for that?

W.I.P. Motivation:

Liquor Stash by @severeminx​

I want him.

When the full realization hit him, Yuri felt as though he couldn’t breathe. Detached and fleeting thoughts that had passed through his mind finally took shape in these three words at that exact moment. The I being himself, Yuri Plisetsky, age 17, a Russian figure skater with a list of impressive accomplishments to his name that seemed pretty pointless right now given the context. The want being desire, the need to bury himself, the thought to consume, but never actually act out except behind locked doors in empty beds or shower stalls. The him being the person standing across from Yuri sipping coffee from a take-away cup with creased brows, the low sunlight hitting his face just so to light up his otherwise dark eyes. Someone he considered to be his best friend, who came all the way from Almaty just to spend a week with him and who was blissfully unaware of the fucking turmoil Yuri was feeling in the pit of his stomach. Or at least, Yuri hoped he was unaware.

In which Yuri Plisetsky invites Otabek Altin over to stay with him in Saint Petersburg, freaks out over his feelings and delves into Lilia's liquor stash.

Please go read and support this artist. They are looking for kudos and comments to get them back into finishing this fantastic story!

Fandom Week:  (Click each line to go to blog)

Zarkon Week! September 3rd - 9th.

Yuri on Ice Music Week! September 4th - 11th

NSFW Yuri Plisetsky Week! September 11th - 17th.

Guang-Hong Week! Voting will be Sept 15th - 21st

SeungChuchu Week! October 16th - 23rd.

Help Wanted:

Needed: Tumblr theme editor. Please contact Diamond Winters for details.

Story recommendations!! If you find a story that you absolutely love, and you want to see it get some recognition, please submit a link to it with a 2-3 sentence review of the story. This way it could get in the spotlight in a future edition of the SMP. Requirements are that it’s completed, or a one-shot.

Artist Spotlight!! If you find a piece of artwork that needs more love, please submit a link to it so it may be considered for future spotlights in the future.

WIP Motivation: Please send your support to these writers or artist to encourage them to continue their story or artwork. No good story or piece of art should be left unfinished. - If you know of a good story that hasn’t been updated in a while, and would like to offer encouragement to the author, please let me know, so that I can link to their story here.

If there is ever any section of the Sunday Morning Post that you feel you can contribute too, please send an Ask or Submit to either the SMP, or @d2diamond so that it has a chance at making in a future post. Thank you!  

@yoi-shit-bang | @thehandsingsweapon | @darkrivertempest | @shadhahvar | @floccinaucinihilipilificationa | @lowercasewrites | @yukipri | @wyseink | @diamondwinters | @bumble-beany | @severeminx

[niallsexyback]

See You Again - AU Where They Didn’t Get Back Together

A/N - So I decided I wanted to write something about where Niall and Erin didn’t get back together. For this story Riley is about 9 years old and Niall is about 30.

Another day I found myself behind my desk working on paper work. It was tax season so everything needed to be in its place. No one ever tells you how stressful this time of year can be when you start your own business. After this year, I really think I need to hire someone to do this job for me. If nothing else it would keep me more sane.

As I looked through the month of November’s receipts and bills, Riley walked into my office. “Hey bud, do you need something, finish your homework?”

He took a seat in the chair opposite my desk, shifting uncomfortably. “Um yeah…you know how you always said I could talk to you about anything?” I had always stressed to him that no matter what it was, he could always come to me and I would try to understand and not become angry. I wanted us to have an open relationship. With it being just the two of us, I thought it was important for us to be able to tell each other everything.

“Of course, what’s on your mind?” I questioned, putting down what I’d been working on.

“Well at school we have a project we have to work on where we interview our parents. Then explain what they do to the class and tell them if we would do our parents job.”

Okay that didn’t seem bad, so why was he acting so uncomfortable. He’d come with me to work countless times so he knew what I did. “So you want to work on that?”

He paused. “I know what you do so I was actually wondering about my dad.”

“Oh.” I was shocked. I wasn’t expecting him to ask about his dad. Only a few times when he was younger did he ever ask about his father. When he first started school, it was why does everyone else have two parents and he only had one. Then there had been a few other questions but nothing much was every said. So this was out of the blue and a bit of a shock. Not nothing I thought I’d be talking about on a Tuesday evening.

“If you don’t want to talk about it we don’t have to.” Riley was standing to leave, thinking he’d upset me.

Even if I had put my feelings far behind me, to say this was going to be easy would be a lie, but I wanted to do it for him. “No Riley, if you are curious we can talk about him. What do you want to know?”

“Well first do you know who he is?”

“Yes Riley I know who he is, we were in a relationship at the time.”

“Does he know about me?”

“He knew I was pregnant and your aunt Katie had told him when you were born but as far as I know that is all.”

“Why didn’t he want to be a part of my life?”

“At the time, his career was very important to him and having a baby would have cause a lot of problems so we broke up. To make it easier for him.”

“What did he do that was more important than me?”

“He was a singer.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, you don’t think you got all that musical talent from me do you? He was in a band that was very popular at the time.”

“Have I heard of them?”

“Their songs have been on the radio a time or two, but lately they haven’t done much. I think most of them are currently more worried about their personal lives.”

“Do you know where he’s at now?”

“Roughly. It’s not like I still keep track of him but I’ve seen updates on him here and there.” It’s true, even after ten years people are still concern about what’s happening in their lives. I’d be looking though the news and something would pop up. Or on the radio when they played one of their songs and they give an update on them so it had been hard not to know something about them, even now.

He was very nervous, even more than when he first walked into my office. “You can say no if you want, but would you let me meet him? I want to ask him why he never wanted to get to know me, why he wasn’t ever there?” He had always been a strong willed child. He always knew what he wanted, and once he set his mind to something, it was unlikely you would change it. “I just want to know.”

“If you want to meet him than I will help you. How about I do some research about him and then once you finish school for the year we will try to meet him? I’m not going to promise you anything but I will try. And if we do meet him I don’t want you getting your hopes up.”

“I won’t. Thanks mom, I love you.”

“I love you too, now why don’t you go finish your homework.”

“Okay.” And he happily exited the office.

Even though it was probably going to bring back so many emotions and memories, I told Riley I would help him so that was what I was going to do. This wasn’t for me, but for him.

Turning towards my computer, I opened the internet and typed into Google the name I thought I would never think of again. Niall Horan.

As the car rolled to a stop, I placed it in park. Staring at the large tan house, I took a deep breath. My hands slide over my thigh, trying to calm my nerves but they still shock. I hadn’t been this nervous in a very long time.

After many hours of research, I had found this house was where the father of my child lived. The man I thought I would never see again. Maybe I could just return to the hotel and tell Riley he didn’t want to see him, but that wouldn’t be fair to him. I had promised I would do this for him and there was no stopping now. We travelled all this way. I was sitting in front of his house. So pushing my feelings aside, opened the door and walked up the front steps. There was a brief pause before finding the courage to finally push the doorbell. The ringing was heard coming from all parts of the house. There was no way if anyone was home they didn’t hear it.

When there was no answer in the first two seconds, there were thoughts of running away. But when I heard the foot sets, I knew there was no way to escape.  They would see me running to my car and that would be even more embarrassing than what I might face on the other side of the door. The door open but I couldn’t bring myself to look up from my feet.

“Can I help you?” I knew that voice all too well but he didn’t recognize me yet. Slowly I allowed myself to look, our eyes locked. “Erin?” He questioned. So many memories flooded back to me.

“I know I am probably the last person you expected to see standing at your door today,” I said softly.

“Erin?” He asked again.

“I’m not here for myself, but my son…our child,” that was harder to say than I thought, “wants to meet you. Five minutes of your time.”

Just than another person emerged in the doorway. “Niall who is this?”

With my research I knew who she was, she was his fiancé, Gabby. And right there on her left hand was a large sparkling ring. I couldn’t stop myself from glancing at his left hand to see there was an absences of any ring.

He finally said something more than my name, “Umm…she umm works at the local orphanage and was collecting a donation. Can you grab my wallet?” Only a few seconds later she returned and handed it to him. “Thank you, why don’t you start that movie, I’ll be right there.”

When she walked away, he turn back towards me. Quickly he dug through his wallet and produced a business card and handed it to me. “Meet me here at one o’clock tomorrow and bring him. I have to go.” And just as quickly as it opened, the door closed.

Swiftly I returned to my rented car, finally able to breathe again. I hadn’t even looked at the card until I was buckled in. Turning it over, on the front I found the address to a recording studio with Niall’s name.

“Now Riley dear, I don’t want you to get your hopes up about today,” I explained to him.

“I know mom.”

“I just want you to not have too many expectations about what’s going to happen.”

“Yes mom.”

“Ok then if you’re ready we can go.”

As we drove to the address I was given, I wasn’t sure if I was nervous for myself or Riley? I knew how much he wanted this meeting to go well. I just didn’t want him thinking everything was going to change. I knew he want a stable man in his life to look up to, someone that could teach him things. When he was younger he had asked several time for a dad or when was I going to have a man in my life.

When we arrived at the building, it was a simple brick building. No name, nothing. I really hope this was the right place and not him sending us some random location to avoid us.

We walked to the door, hesitantly I knocked. The door almost instantly opened. “Quick inside,” Niall said before ushering us in. The door shutting before we were barely through the threshold.

Turning to look at each other, this was the first time in ten years that I really looked at him. He was just the way I remember him. Only a few wrinkles present around his eyes and his hair dark now with a few spots of gray present. And if I had to say so, somehow more handsome.

He turned his attention down towards Riley. “Hi I’m Niall.” He offered his hand for Riley to shake.

“And I’m Riley.”

“It’s nice to meet you Riley.”

“Is this yours?” Riley asked looking around the room filled with musical instruments, recording equipment, and memorabilia.

“Yes.”

“Mom told me you do music.”

“Yeah I’m a musician and this is my studio.” He turned on a light switch and illuminated the recording studio.

“Wow that’s so cool!”

“Would you like to look around?” Niall questioned.

“Can we?”

“Of course.” Niall opened the door to the recording booth and allowed us inside. Riley was blown away by what he was seeing. “Riley do you play any instruments?”

“Yeah the drum, piano, guitar, saxophone, and violin.”

“That’s a lot, which is you favorite?”

“The guitar.”

“Mine too. Would you like to see some I’ve collected over the years?”

“Sure!”

Niall started to lead Riley around and tell stories about each of the guitars that where around the room. The one he played on their first tour, one that was given to him by someone famous, and the list went on. I stood back and watched, having heard many of these stories already myself many years ago.

“What about that one?” Riley asked pointing to one guitar that was hanging high on the wall, above the rest.

Niall paused. “Oh that one, that one was given to me by someone very special. Only played it about a handful of times.”

“Why haven’t you played it more if it’s so special?” Niall reached up and grabbed it off the wall.

“You see, I wanted the person who gave it to me to be the first person who heard me play it.” He sat on the nearest stool, place the guitar on his leg and began to play.

“How come you played it for us then?”

I knew the guitar very well, he’d been eyeing it for weeks before I bought it. “Because your mum gave it to me.”

Riley turned towards me. “You did?”

“Yeah I guess.” Did I want to tell him? “It was supposed to be a Christmas gift but we didn’t make it to Christmas for me to give it to him. I had left it at a friend’s house because I couldn’t have hid it in ours with him finding it.”

“Harry gave it to me shortly after you left. Never felt right playing it so I’ve kept it ever since, hoping to someday be able to play it.” Niall stared at me.

“It is beautiful,” I mentioned.

“That it is.” Turning away from him, I pretended to look around the room, but really I was hiding my smile, and probably blush. “Riley do you want to play a little and I can record it for you?”

“Really?!”

“Yeah go ahead, we’ll be just outside.”

Niall and I left the room. Riley found a guitar he liked and sat down before playing. For a long time we sort of stood there not knowing what to say or do. Instead both watching Riley play.

Niall finally broke the silence. “He seems like a great kid, you have done a great job raising him.”

“Thanks.”

Another long pause before he spoke again. “I am truly very sorry for what happened between us that day.” I finally turned to look at him. “This is not how I wanted things to happen between us, and I’m sorry about that. I umm I should have found you and been a part of his life.”

“There’s nothing you can change about that now.”

“I know, and now that I’ve met him, I would like to be part of his life. As much as you want me to be. Even if it’s just his birthday or something. I want to get to know him.”

“I just don’t want to get his hopes up because you visited one time and then never show up again.”

“I’m not going to do that. I want to see him.” He stared at me. I could feel him burning into my soul. “Erin you have to believe me, I wanted to come find you but after so long I figured you didn’t want me there so I stayed away. For a long time management convinced me to stay away, and then it was years later.”

“Niall we both made mistakes that we can’t change.” I didn’t really know what else to say. Did I say that every day I hoped he would knock on our door? Did I tell him every time when Riley was three and asked for a daddy that it broke my heart? Did I mention how much Riley reminded me of him?

“I know and I’m sorry.” We settled into silence again as our attention went back to Riley.

When Riley was finished he walked out and joined us. “How was it?” He asked.

“You were great Riley, but we should really be going.”

“What? But I want to stay.”

“I know you do but Niall has other things to do,” I explained.

“Will I have ever see you again?”

“I hope, if your mum let’s me.”

“Please mom?” He begged, his big blue eyes staring up at me. I hadn’t noticed until they were both standing next to each other looking at me, just how identical their eyes were.

“Yeah he can come visit if he’d like.” I quickly found a piece of paper and pen before scribbling my phone number down. “And I have yours. Next time you’re free maybe we can make time for you to visit.”

“Thank you, I’d like that.”

“Okay Riley, time to go.”

The next day we had free. I’d planned an extra day just in case it was harder to find Niall than I thought. Originally I scheduled a bit of sightseeing. That was until I received a message asking to come to his house and to bring Riley. After debating with myself for a long time, I decided to do it.

When we arrived the house was quiet. Riley had been bouncing in the back seat as soon as I told him what we were doing. As I was about to knock of the door, it flew open. “You!” Niall’s fiancé yelled at me. “AHHH!” Both Riley and I stood there in shock before she stormed off to her car and drove away.

The door was open so I peeked my head in, “Niall?”

“In here.”

We followed the sound of his voice into the kitchen. Niall was on the floor holding his foot as blood dripped from it. Out of instinct I started to rush towards him.

“Wait! There’s glass on the floor.”

“Riley find a bathroom and bring a towel and some tape.”

Carefully I made my way through the field of glass to Niall. “What happened?”

“I told her,” he admitted.

“Told who?”

“I told Gabby, everything. I told her about you, about Riley.”

“Is that why she screamed at us as she stormed out.”

“That and because I told her I couldn’t marry her and we were done. And that’s when she started to throw dishes at me, and why I cut my foot.”

“I’d throw things too if I had that type of news dropped on me out of the blue.”

“I guess you’re right.”

“Let me see your foot.”

“Why?”

“Really Niall? I want to see how bad it is.” I examined his foot, determining the severity of his injury. “You’re going to need some stitches, that’s a pretty deep gash. And you’ve ruined a perfectly good pair of shoes.”

“Come on, these are brand new.”

“You just ended your engagement, have a deep cut in your foot, and you’re concerned about a pair of socks?”

“Yeah,” he answered sheepishly.

When Riley returned, he handed me the towel and roll of tape he found. I quickly taped the towel to Niall’s foot. Then I helped him to his feet and supported him on his way to the car.

After having gotten Niall to the emergency room, we now sat with him waiting. Once they had cleaned his cut and stitched the wound, they went to work on paperwork and get him some antibiotics.

We were in a small room, just the three of us. Riley had fallen asleep on my lap while my fingers ran through his hair. Niall was laying across the bed with his foot up.

“Thank you,” he mentioned.

“For what?” I asked.

“For bringing me here, for coming to finding me, for letting me meet Riley, everything.”

“Bringing you here was me, but seeing you was Riley. I always said if he wanted to meet you I would let him. Never wanted to keep him from you if he wanted to get to know you. Thank you for seeing him, you didn’t have to.”

“There was never a day I didn’t think about you two. Wondering how you where, what you were doing, what he was like. I wanted to find you, but after so long I figured I was too late and tried to move on, though it never really worked.” He laughed awkwardly.

Just then a nurse walked in. “All finished Mr. Horan, you’re free to go. Here are some crutches since you won’t want to be putting any weight on that foot for at least a week. I’ll give your antibiotics and papers to you girlfriend and you’re free to go.”

“Oh I’m not his girlfriend,” I quickly corrected. The nurse gave me a questioning gaze. “Just a friend, an old friend.”

Once we got Niall home and settled onto his couch, it was time for Riley and I to leave. Our flight left early in the morning and we still needed to pack.

“Thank you for coming to see me Riley.”

“Will I see you again?” He asked.

I answered for Niall, “Yeah if he would like, Niall can come visit us.”

“I’ll come see you soon.”

Riley quickly ran and wrapped his arms around Niall, shocking both him and I. “Thanks Niall.”

Hope everyone enjoyed it. Part 2 anyone?

[slutforfairytail]

Baby Boy

Summary: He was her world and she won't allow him to get hurt like she did. At 16 years old alone with an infant took forever for her to get them where they are now, his own father left why wouldn't another man do the same? One day a pink hair stranger comes into their lives and could Lucy trust him? Follow the journey between Aki and Lucy to find it. (Rated T for now)

Fairy Tail - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 2 - Words: 3,320 - Reviews: 2 - Updated: 2/4/2017 - Published: 2/4/2017 - Lucy H., Natsu D., OC

Chapter 1: Aki

In a two bedroom apartment, with action figures and color pencils all over the living room floor there lived Lucy & Aki Heartfilia, mother and son. Right by the front door you can see a picture of the little boy with spiky blonde hair and bluish-brownish eyes, warp in his mother's arm with a grin that reach ear to ear, and other pictures of him as a baby. Where they are right now? You ask."

"Aki stop moving! Mommy is trying to wash your hair" Lucy Heartfilia 20 years old, her clothes wet to the bone from Aki.

"Momwe it hurtz mi eyez" Aki complains trying to get the shampoo off his forehead, hating it when she washes his hair.

"Well sweetie, I told you to keep your head back, but you didn't listen did you" Lucy said facing her child who push his bottom lip forward into a pout.

"You're so cute" Lucy giggles, giving him a quick peck on the cheek, making him giggle.

"Now lean back for mommy." Lucy says helping the four year old slowly lean back into the water as she wash off the shampoo from his blond hair.

"All done." she said helping him out the tub before unplugging the tub.

"Momwe." Aki says as Lucy wraps a towel around him

"Yes?" Lucy asks, looking at him.

"I lowe ju." he smiles and Lucy feels her heart swelled with joy.

"I lowe ju to." she said, giving him a squeeze.

It was around 7 in the evening and Lucy was in her kitchen trying to find some food, While Aki scribbles in his coloring books, putting his color pencil on his temple trying to see if he should make the dragon teeth purple or green.

"Aki!" Lucy calls from the kitchen and he perks his head, but to see look at his mother.

"Yes, momwe?" he said, placing his color pencil down.

"We have to go to the store to buy some food. Clean up your toys, so we can go" She said walking towards him and giving him a smile.

"Can we get oreios?" he asked, giving her puppy eyes, 'Thinking, that it works on her.

"Only if all your toys are away before I come back" She said, giving him a look and he nods quickly and rushes around the room and grabbing every toy and placing it in his toy box, while making superhero sound effects.

Lucy was in the dairy section of target with Aki dressed in a pair of gray sweats, a yellow tank top with a matching gray hoodie and slides. Her hair in a messy bun. While Aki decided he will wear his superman pajamas with his iron man mask wanting to let everyone know he was 'cooler' than them.

"Do we need more eggs?" She questions wishing she made a list before they left. As Aki just watch her think.

"Momwwweeee" Aki calls to his mother.

Lucy looks down, "Yes, baby?" She asks as he moves his mask up his head.

"Are we going to buy the oreios?" he wonders playing with her sweatpants.

"Yes, but mommy has other stuff to do, so we can have dinner tonight." she said rubbing his head

"Okae..." he said, putting his mask back on.

After a while Lucy places, milk, cheese, and eggs in the cart while Aki still held on her sweats really wanting his Oreos.

"Momweeeeee" He whines wanting her to get the oreos already.

"Will get it baby please wait" She said as they walk into the meat section.

"But I want it noew" he said, stomping his feet and crossing his arms over his chest making people stare at them.

Lucy took a deep breath and leans down to him.

"Aki. If you keep acting like how you are now, I won't get the oreos and you'll go to bed right away after dinner." She warns smiling through her teeth making him sniffle.

He looks down at his feet, crying into his mask, mumbling small insults that didn't bother Lucy at all.

"Momwe a banana head"

She rolls her eyes before going back to choose what meat, they'll eat. After one more trip to the vegetable aisle getting everything she knows Aki will complain about but could careless.

"Okay, let's go get the cookies. A-"

Lucy looks down and to see that he's gone.

She starts to feel a little nervous, hoping he was playing a little joke for earlier.

"Aki?" She says hoping he'd answer but nothing.

"Aki!" she calls checking the next isle. But no. She rushes to the snack one and he wasn't there.

"No, no no" She cries rushing to find him, hoping he'd pop up.

Somewhere in target there was Aki eating some oreos walking back to his mommy his mask long gone, too busy eating the oreos he didn't realize it had fallen.

He had left when they started walking to the next aisle, feeling that he is a big boy that could get the oreos by himself.

Aki walks down in target with Oreo crumbs all over his mouth, he walks back into the meat section to see Lucy was gone.

"Whieres mom?" he said around the isle then back to the meat one.

"Momwe?" he calls, but no answer, his eyes watering and his bottom lip quivers.

He drops the oreos and starts to cry, his tears rushing down his chubby cheeks.

"MOMWEEE" he cries thinking she had left him alone in target.

"Ahhhhhhh." he said running, hoping to find her, but trips on his own feet hitting face first onto the floor making him cry even more.

"AHHHH- Mpmekewwww" he cries laying on his side and hugging his legs close.

"Little boy?" Aki looks up still crying to find a man crouching down to his level with a basket in his hand.

"Hey, what's wrong?" the man asked helping Aki up who now had a scratch on his forehead.

"I lost mi momwe" he cries rubbing his eyes, his eyes blurry from tears.

"Oh, it's okay, let's go find her" The man said, picking Aki off the ground.

"Okayyyy." Aki said, resting his head on the man's shoulders

"AKIIII" Lucy rotated around target three times already and she began to cry stopping in the middle of the pathway not caring for the looks she's getting

"Ma'am?" Lucy looks up to see an older woman with a small basket in her hand and a teen right next to her on their phone.

"Sorry I'll move" Lucy's said, she had to find him anyway.

"What's wrong? Do you need help? I've seen you running about about a few times" The lady said, placing her hand on Lucy shoulder

"Yes, please I lost my son." Lucy said, wiping a tear away, hoping he was still inside the store.

"Oh dear! What does he look like? Will help" The lady said, snatching the phone out of the teenager age hands.

"He's blonde like me, wearing a great hoodie with blue superman pajamas, batsman slippers, and an iron man mask" she said and the teen made a look scaring Lucy.

"I saw a little with a guy with pink hair, but he wasn't wearing a mask, but he had everything else" the teen said making her heart leap hoping he wasn't pulling on her tail.

"Where?!" Lucy ask, grabbing the younger boy by his shoulder

"Around the kitchen appliance"

"Thank you!" Lucy yells before rushing down to the kitchen section leaving the two alone.

"Can I have my phone back now?" He asks his mother.

"No." she smiles, placing his phone in her bag making him groan.

Lucy looks around for anything pink.

"That creep better had not run away with Aki or I wi-"

"MOMWE!"

Lucy turns around to see Aki turning towards her, his eyes red from tears and a smile on his face.

Lucy rushes and picks him up with ease holding him tight.

"Don't ever leave mommy side!" She sighs, feeling her body relax.

"I'm sowry." he said into her chest as he held on her tighter.

"Good that we found you!" Lucy looks up to see the man.

"Thank you." she smiles, shaking his hand stilling holding on to Aki.

"Yeah, I found him with a scratch on his forehead, crying in the meat section.

"What!?" Lucy looks at Aki forehead to find it with a little bit of dry blood and his lip was a little cut to.

"Ah Baby." she said, kissing his forehead.

"The pink boy gawe me a lollipop momwe, I'm fine now!" He smiles

"Oh baby what I tell you taking candy from a stranger- but not that I don't appreciate it um?" Lucy said trying to the guy name.

"Natsu. I understand, he was pretty freaked out and I had one more it helps make it easier to find you." He said, rubbing the back of his head.

" I'm Lucy, and sorry I know how much of a handful he can be." she giggled stroking Aki hair as he rested on her chest.

"No, he actually pretty funny. He was telling me what you look like and said you have banana hair." he said, smiling at the little boy who knock out in her arms tired from all the crying.

Lucy rolls her eyes remembers she had groceries in the cart and that she left with her phone.

"Thanks again Natsu, I'm sorry I left my all my stuff in the cart and I'm hoping I don't have to cancel all my cards." She said waving away to Natsu, who waves goodbye as well.

Thankfully, her stuff was safe and she could get everything.

She places Aki in his car seat as he slept, and then placing all the groceries in the car before driving away. The only thing on her mind was the stranger. She was internally grateful for him. She doesn't want to think about what would happen if Aki was gone. He was her everything and couldn't leave him alone. He already one parent short and she wasn't going anywhere, anytime soon.

Once she got home, she places Aki in his bed, and cleans up his cut a bit before putting the groceries away too tired to cook.

She slaps down on her bed, wrapping herself in the covers, thinking about how she'll take a shower in the morning feeling her eyelids close and her whole body stiffen going into a deep sleep. 

How do you guys feel about it!? If you want chapter 2  CLICK HERE or if you want to check or my other stories click FF.net