#following tradition has to be more than just blind faith

[whatlieswithintheorchard]

at some point, performing mitzvot has to be about MORE than just fulfilling them

i’m not saying “find a reason for your observance” but for you to “find how you’ll do it, if at all”

[galedekarios]

waterdeep's festivities & celebrations

(credit: midnightfriday)

in contrast to baldur's gate, which has few festivals and gatherings, waterdeep in contrast has a great variety of them, prompting volo to write the following about waterdeep in his chapbook about the city:

"At many times of year, hardly a tenday can pass in Waterdeep without the staging of some rite, race, or rousing ceremony of civic pride." (from: Volo's Waterdeep Enchiridion)

in this post, i want to give an overview of these holidays and festivals. some of them are mentioned in the game, like fleetswake in a banter between gale, lae'zel and wyll, but most of them are not. they give an interesting insight in the city, its history and its people.

the most used calendar in faerûn is the calendar of harptos. it's pictured above to give you an overview of how the months and seasons work in faerûn.

The days making up a tenday did not have formal names. If precision was required, the number of the day and the number of the tenday were used, as in, "the fourth day of the first tenday of Flamerule". Days of the month were typically written as the numerical date followed by the month name, for example, "15 Hammer" or "15th Hammer". Informally or poetically this could be spoken or written as "the 15th of Deepwinter". [x]

the names of the months in faerûn are:

hammer (deepwinter)

alturiak (the claw of winter, the claw of cold)

ches (the claw of sunsets)

tarsakh (the claw of storms)

mirtul (the melting)

kythorn (the time of flowers)

flamerule (summertide)

eleasis (highsun)

eleint (the fading)

marpenoth (leaffall)

uktar (the rotting)

nightal (the drawing down)

hammer 1: wintershield

Marking the start of the new year, this observance is a widely recognized day off work, when folk sip warmed ciders and broths (often laced with herbs for health and to bring on visions) and stay inside. They tell tales of what interested them or was important in the year just done, and discuss what they intend to do or should deal with — or things that everyone “should keep a hawk’s clear eye on” — in the year ahead. Such talk inevitably leads to discussions of politics, wars, and the intentions of rulers. Maps are usually consulted, and it’s widely considered lucky to possess and examine a map on Wintershield. Map sales are brisk in the tenday preceding this holiday.

alturiak 14: the grand revel

Led by the clergy of Sune, Sharess, and Lliira, the Grand Revel is a day of dancing, music, and the consumption of sweet treats of all kinds, from chocolate to red firemint candies. Although some of the dancing is wanton and performed for show, large-scale ring dances in the street for all ages are also popular. All the dancing ends at dusk, after which bards and minstrels perform at “love feasts” for families. Couples — or those desiring to become couples — slip away together to kiss, exchange promises, and trade small tokens of affection (often rings blessed by clergy with prayers of faithfulness). Even if you have no paramour, indulge a little in the dance and food of this fine tradition. The night might be cold, but your heart will be warmed.

we learn in the game about sharess, we hear a bit about sune, the goddess of beauty and her temple of beauty in waterdeep in a banter between gale and shadowheart, but lliira is mentioned only in passing: llira is a minor goddess in the faerûnian pantheon. she's called the joybringer and is the embodiment of freedom and happiness, inspiring many poets and musicians. gale does mention her in game - or at least the llirian suites that his piano is enchanted to play.

ches 1: rhyestertide

This holiday is named in honor of Lathander’s first prophet, Rhyester, a young blind boy who was cured of that blindness by the dawn’s light on this day more than seven centuries ago. That holy event occurred in the vicinity of Silverymoon, but Lathander has long had a much larger temple in Waterdeep, and a following to match. Each of the faithful dons bright garb of sunrise hues and keeps one eye covered until the next dawn in honor of Rhyester. If you want to feel like a local, catch the eye of any celebrant you see and wink. Fine friendships have grown from far less.

ches 19: fey day

The veil between this world and the faerie realm of the Feywild is thought to be weak on this day. Though this phenomenon provokes caution in rural areas (with folk avoiding woodlands, putting offerings of food on doorsteps, and the like), it is an occasion of much drinking, singing, and dancing in Waterdeep. The wealthy host elaborate masked balls, while poorer folk don costumes of their own make and travel door to door, gaining brief entry into the celebrations in exchange for performing a song or a short play. All adopt the guises of fey beings and the supposed rulers of the Feywild, such as Queen Titania, Oberon, and Hyrsam, the Prince of Fools. Those inclined to remain sullen in the face of such frivolity had best stay home, for celebrants do their utmost to evoke a smile from those they meet.

chest 21 - 30: fleetswake

This festival celebrates the sea, maritime trade, and the gods of the sea, navigation, and weather. It spans the last tenday of Ches, and includes a series of boat races, the Shipwrights’ Ball at the Shipwrights’ House, and guild-sponsored galas at the Copper Cup festhall. According to custom, the winners of the various competitions don’t keep their trophies and earnings, but deliver them to the priests of Umberlee at the Queenspire, her temple on the beach by the east entrance to the Great Harbor, at the conclusion of the festival. The last two days of Fleetswake are the occasion of the Fair Seas Festival. During this time, there is much feasting on seafood, the harbor is strewn with flower petals, and City Guards go from tavern to tavern collecting offerings for Umberlee. Collection boxes also appear at large festival gatherings. Upon sunset of the final day, the collected coin is placed in chests and dumped into the deepest part of the harbor. This festival has existed in a number of forms since the first trade-meets occurred here more than two millennia ago, and an uncountable amount of wealth remains sunken in what has long been known as Umberlee’s Cache. The area is closely watched by merfolk guardians, whose standing orders are to kill anyone attempting to disturb it. Rumors abound that the chests have magical protections; one story tells of thieves who stole some of the collection years ago and tried to leave the city under false pretenses, only to see a squall spring up as soon as their ship left the harbor. A huge wave shaped like a hand swept the thieves overboard, but spared the ship and its crew.

this festival is one of the few mentioned in baldur's gate. as stated previously gale, wyll and lae'zel mention it in one of the banters between them in act 1:

Lae'zel notes that Gale knows a lot about mind flayers. He responds with information about his training. If there, Wyll chimes in as well. Lae'zel: You strike me cleverer than most istiki, Gale. Multiple tutors, I should guess.devnote Gale: Many a wise man and woman indeed. Waterdeep is the home of myriad scholars. Wyll: Ah, the City of Splendours. Spent a whole Fleetswake there with my father. What a delight.

tarsak 1 - 10: waukeentide

This festival has long gathered a number of older holidays under one name, stretching those celebrations into a holiday season that lasts a tenday. Among the rituals in homage to the goddess of wealth and trade are these: Caravance (Tarsahk 1). This gift-giving holiday commemorates the traditional arrival of the first caravans of the season into the city. Many parents hide gifts for their offspring in their homes, telling the children that they were left by Old Carvas — a mythical peddler who arrived with the first caravan to reach Waterdeep, his wagon loaded down with toys for children to enjoy. Goldenight (Tarsahk 5). This festival celebrates coin and gold, with many businesses staying open all night, offering midnight sales and other promotions. Some celebrants and customers decorate themselves with gold dust and wear coins as jewelry. Guildsmeet (Tarsahk 7). On this holiday, guild members gather in their halls for the announcement of new policies and a celebration of business concluded for the year. These gatherings culminate in a gala festival and dance sponsored by several guilds, which lasts from dusk till dawn and overruns the Market, the Cynosure, the Field of Triumph, and all areas in between. Leiruin (Tarsahk 10). In times long past, Waukeen caught Leira, the goddess of illusions and deception, attempting to cheat her in a deal, and buried her under a mountain of molten gold as punishment. A commemoration of that event, Leiruin is the day for guild members to pay their annual dues and for guildmasters to meet with the Lords of Waterdeep and renew their charters for another year.

waukeen is a goddess and her domain is trade and wealth.

mirtul 6 - 9: the plowing and running

Rural areas around the city observe this holiday in the traditional sense of shared activities of plowing fields and moving (or “running”) livestock. But within the city, the holiday is celebrated with a series of races. Foot, horse, and chariot races are run through courses in each ward, and the winners from each ward compete at the Field of Triumph. If you really want to see the wards come to life, this is the time. Pick your favorite, wear its colors, and cheer alongside its residents. Better yet, if you’re of an adventuresome bent, register in your favored ward and compete! Who knows? Your name or visage might soon have a place in the House of Heroes.

kythorn 1: trolltide

On this day commemorating Waterdeep’s victory in the Second Trollwar, children run through the city acting like trolls, banging on doors and growling, from highsun till dusk. Home and shop owners are expected to give the children candy, fruits, or small items. Those who give no treat can expect to become the target of a trick at sundown. This mischief typically takes the form of “troll scratchings” at doors and windows. Those with more malicious intent sing screechingly in the wee hours, and hurl raw eggs at windows, signs, and the heads of those who try to stop them. Have some candy on hand or some sweet rolls, and all will be calm where you live.

kythorn 14: guildhall day

This day is a time of trade fairs. Most shops are closed, and street sales are suspended for all but walking food peddlers. Guildhall Day celebrates the fruits of everyone’s labor with revelations of new products, innovations, fashions, and signage extolling the extent and quality of guild members’ services and wares. These offerings usually take the form of glittering displays, but guilds sometimes also sponsor brief plays or other hired entertainments (jugglers, singers, magic shows put on by hedge wizards and professional raconteurs) at which prizes or free samples are distributed. Many guilds try to recruit during this time. Guildhall Day is an excellent time to browse the city’s merchandise — and it doesn’t matter if you can’t afford what you see, because you can’t buy it that day anyway.

kythorn 20: dragondown

This day in Kythorn is celebrated with bonfires and rituals to “tame” or “drive down” dragons. In Waterdeep, the celebrations take the form of parades that center around effigies built of wood and cloth and filled with straw. Each effigy is named and has a traditional depiction, for it represents one of a handful of dragons the city has faced in its history. After being paraded to a square near where the dragon was defeated or driven off, the enormous effigy is burned. The height of the celebration comes when the effigy of Kistarianth the Red is burned on the slopes of Mount Waterdeep. A dracolich version of Kistarianth is then carried up the slopes and burned as well. These proceedings symbolize the defeat of Kistarianth first by the paladin Athar, and again decades later by his son, Piergeiron. Tradition dictates that the winners of the races run during the Plowing and Running take the role of the dragons’ slayers, with the champion of the chariot race representing Athar and the champion of the horse race playing Piergeiron.

flamerule 1: the founders' day

This day commemorates the birth of the city. The Field of Triumph is the site of illusory displays that chronicle the history of Waterdeep, as well as martial exhibitions by the Guard and other worthies. Many festhalls sponsor Founders’ Day costume contests, with prizes going to those who wear the best recreations of the garb of historical personages. Once banned as frivolous and distracting, the practice of veiling Castle Waterdeep with an illusion has been reinstated. Several mages come together to produce the effect, which seemingly transforms the castle into the ancient log fortress of Nimoar. The illusion typically lasts from midday to sunset (unless someone has the audacity and magical might to dispel it) and is regarded as a stunning work of magical art.

flamerule 3 - 5: sornyn

Sornyn is a festival of both Waukeen and Lathander, and is used for planning business, making treaties and agreements, and receiving envoys from unknown lands and traditional foes. Much wine is drunk over this three-day occasion when, as the saying goes, “My enemy is like family to me.” If you are a newcomer to the city, this time is an excellent opportunity for you to engage with new partners in business or to gain financial support for some endeavor. My agreement to write Volo’s Guide to Waterdeep was signed on a warm Sornyn evening many years ago, so who knows where your own initiative will take you?

flamerule 7: llira's night

Originally a celebration held only in Waterdeep, this holiday has since spread up and down the Sword Coast. It has received a recent boost in popularity from the custom started in Baldur’s Gate of lighting celebratory smokepowder fireworks — all purchased from Felogyr’s Fireworks of that city, and utilized only by the City Guard, of course. This nightlong festival honors the Lady of Joy with dances and balls throughout the city. Pink beverages, ranging from healthy juices to deadly strong intoxicants, are imbibed. The boom and crackle of smokepowder explosions go off all night long, so you might as well stay up with the locals and enjoy the show.

eleasis 1: ahghairon's day

Many small rituals are held throughout this day, dedicated to honoring the first Open Lord. The Lords of Waterdeep toast Ahghairon and the Watchful Order, and guildmasters toast the Lords in Ahghairon’s name. Commoners leave violets (Ahghairon’s favorite flower) around Ahghairon’s Tower, on his statue in the City of the Dead, and atop the altars of the House of Wonder. Bards perform songs in honor of the wizard all over the city. The Open Lord visits taverns and inns throughout Waterdeep to wish the people well — giving short speeches, offering toasts to Ahghairon’s memory, buying rounds of drinks, or paying for meals or accommodation. Needless to say, establishments of those sorts are generally full throughout the day.

if you are interested to learn more about ahghairon - who is mentioned too by gale in passing - or rather his lost nose - you can do so here: i've written a more extensive meta about him in this post.

eleint 21: brightswords

On this day, the City Guard, the City Navy, and the City Watch — all in glittering array — conduct parades, give demonstrations of martial skill, and stage mock battles. Those desiring to join their ranks are given a chance to demonstrate their prowess, usually with wooden practice weapons in contests against veteran soldiers. Makers and vendors of weapons sell their wares openly in the markets, experts who can hurl or juggle weapons show off their skills, and the wards compete in wrestling and boxing matches. The most anticipated part of the day is when horses are cleared from the Field of Triumph and the surrounding streets so that the Griffon Cavalry can perform aerial displays over the crowds in the stadium. Members of the Watchful Order present the cavalry with illusory foes to fight, allowing the griffon riders to engage in thrilling battles as the people watch.

marpenoth 3: day of wonders

The imaginative inventions of the Gondar are revealed on this day and paraded through the city. These devices range from something as humble as new cabinet hinges to massive mechanical constructs that walk or roll about. Failure is the paramour of invention, though, meaning it is a rare year when there isn’t some notable disruption of the celebration. The flying chair of Marchell was one such recent oddity — a device that worked marvelously on the way up but was incapable of descending. Marchell was rescued by the Griffon Cavalry, but his flying chair drifted away and was never seen again.

marpenoth 7: stoneshar

Stoneshar is an all-faiths day during which folk strive not to be idle. Even children at play are encouraged to dig holes, build sand castles, or construct crude models. Waterdavians consider Stoneshar the best day of the year to begin construction of a building, either by digging out a cellar or laying a foundation. The common wisdom is that folk who undertake new projects on Stoneshar can expect blessings upon their works in the coming year, whereas individuals who do nothing constructive on this day can expect all manner of misfortune to rain down on them in the year ahead.

marpenoth 10: reign of misrule

Swift on the heels of Stoneshar comes the Reign of Misrule. This day honors Beshaba, goddess of misfortune. People of the city are expected to break trust, belie oaths, and disobey the normal order — as long as no laws are actually broken and no rift is made that can’t be later bridged. During the Reign of Misrule, nobles serve meals to their servants, children take control of schools, priests give worship to their god’s foes, and any who wish to may participate in a guild’s trade. Pranks are played by and on many, from simple tricks to those requiring elaborate planning. Sundown brings an end to the festivities, and most folk spend much of the night cleaning and reordering things for the following day. Many visitors decline to participate, but doing so often inspires misfortune rather than avoiding it. For fear of catching the bad luck of cynics, citizens do their best to avoid talking to anyone known to not have played along, or dealing with them in any way until Gods’ Day.

marpenoth 15: gods' day

This holiday observes the anniversary of the end of the Godswar in 1358 DR, when the gods of Faerûn returned to the heavens. Private shrines are brought out into the open, and many people wear holy symbols of their favored deities. A Gods’ Day tradition in Waterdeep strictly limits the use of magic, in remembrance of the wild magic wrought during the Time of Troubles. Though not outlawed fully, spellcasting is allowable only in self-defense or in cases of extreme need. At night, this holiday becomes solemn and serious, as many Waterdavians offer prayers in thanks for the lives they have under their gods. The Griffon Cavalry sets up an immense bonfire at the peak of Mount Waterdeep, honoring the fallen and the risen gods Myrkul, Cyric, Kelemvor, Mystra, Helm, and Ao who appeared here. In thanks for their defense during Myrkul’s invasion and the resulting fires that raged through the Southern, Dock, and Castle Wards, Gods’ Day is also a semiofficial “Be Kind to the Guard and Watch Day” in Waterdeep. Feel free to participate by handing out small gifts and kind words, but be aware that any gift of greater value than a few nibs might be interpreted as a bribe.

marpenoth 30: liar's night

This holy day pays tribute to Leira and Mask. To placate those deities and ward away their attention, folk of all walks of life don masks and costumes (magical or mundane) to disguise themselves and play at being other than what they are. Commonly seen mask styles include the black mask symbol of Mask and the mirror face of the priests of Leira. But there are no bounds on the disguise you don, and the more elaborate and outlandish it is, the more celebrated the wearer. The festivities begin in the evening, when people place candles in hollowed-out gourds or pumpkins carved with faces. Each pumpkin represents a person donning a mask, while the light inside represents the truth of the soul. For as long as the candle remains lit, lies told and embarrassing things done don’t sully a person’s reputation, so celebrations often descend briefly into anarchic hedonism. Misfortune is said to come to anyone who returns to their pumpkin after celebrating to find it unlit, so buy a candle of good quality and put your gourd beyond reach of the wind. Intentionally blowing out someone else’s candle or smashing someone else’s pumpkin is taboo, and risks the wrath of both gods — yet it does occur. Tricks and pranks of all kinds are common on this night, and folk expect lies and foolishness. Pickpockets are rife on this day, so few carry much coin with them, having secreted it away somewhere the previous evening. Instead, people fill their pockets and belt pouches with candies. Traditionally, a pickpocket is meant to take the candy and leave a token in return (a tiny toy, a colorful paper folded into a shape, or the like), but this has changed over the years into adults exchanging candies among themselves and simply giving candy to children who ask for it. By custom, no deals are made nor contracts signed on Liar’s Night, because no one trusts that parties will abide by them. Illusionists and stage magicians (whether through magical or practical abilities) make the rounds to entertain private parties (having been paid in advance the previous day) or to perform in public spaces, in the hopes that a good show will earn them a meal, and perhaps a place at a private party in the future.

uktar: selûne's hallowing

On whatever night in Uktar the moon is fullest, Waterdavians celebrate Selûne’s Hallowing. The goddess is the focus of worship throughout the full phase, of course, but the major ceremony on this night is a parade of worshipers leaving the House of the Moon at moonrise and moving down to the harbor, where the high priestess wields the Wand of the Four Moons in a ceremony blessing all navigators. This holy relic is said to be the mace wielded by Selûne in her first battle against Shar, and again in a fight with her sister during the Time of Troubles. It miraculously appeared in Waterdeep after the Godswar, and has since been the focus of many divine signs. You can view it in the House of the Moon at other times of the year, but only from a well-guarded distance. If you’re lucky, you might see the Wand of the Four Moons weep. Droplets said to be the tears of Selûne manifest on the mace from time to time, and are collected by the priestesses for use in potions that can heal, cure lycanthropy, and be used as holy water.

uktar 20: last sheaf

Sometimes called “The Small Feast,” this day of residential feasting is held in celebration of the year’s bounty. Small gifts (traditionally hand kegs of ale, jars of preserves, or smoked fish and meats) are exchanged among neighbors, and “last letters” are gathered for carriage by ship captains and caravan merchants — so called because they are the last to leave the city before travel becomes difficult. Of Waterdeep’s many celebrations, this one is perhaps the most relaxed and relaxing. Plan to spend a little extra on good food and enjoy a meal with those nearest you, be they dearest hearts or the folk across the hall in the inn.

nightal 11: howldown

In honor of Malar, members of the City Guard leave the city in groups on this day to hunt down known threats to farmers and travelers, including brigands, wolves, owlbears, ogres, and trolls that haunt the roads and wilderness. These hunts typically last no longer than a tenday. During the same span of time, the City Watch engages in its own rigorous hunt for malefactors within the city walls. If you’ve any reason to doubt your standing in the eyes of the law, avoid Waterdeep for at least a tenday after Howldown. With no real hunting to do of their own, the children of Waterdeep spend Howldown engaging in mock hunts of adults dressed up as monsters, and play at the killing of these predators.

nightal 20: simril

When dusk comes on this day, folk go outside to locate particular stars that were lucky for their ancestors, or that were associated with their own births. They then attempt to stay up through the night, celebrating outside with bonfires, song, and warmed drinks. Cloudy nights often draw larger crowds than clear ones, since glimpsing your star through the haze is thought to be a blessing from Tymora. Inside buildings, service folk keep roaring fires and engage in making food to keep celebrants fed throughout the long night and into morning of the next day. If you have no particular star of your own, you’ll find many vendors of star maps willing to divine which is yours — based upon your place and date of birth — and to point you in the right direction for a shard or two.

all information is taken from volo's waterdeep enchiridion.

i hope this was helpful and information to some of you!

🖤

[gale-dekarios]

I think Gale is a touchy feely person who needs to keep his hands on the Tav whilst they make love. He's gotta believe they're real, that they're with him, that it isn't a hallucination or a dream. He strokes their hair, he plants kisses along their neck where the heartbeat is strongest, and feels their breath against his shoulder. Even the simplest act of fingering or stroking them is a way to know they're truly in front of him. Tasting their arousal just to have evidence of their existence. He loves knowing that this is his newfound life. His new purpose. His new reason to live and not give up so easily as he almost had. Mystra wanted him to die for her. Tav wanted him to live for himself. So forgive him if he constantly needs the littlest of reminders to know Tav is truly real, and not just a hopeful dream.

retrospective edit: hi im charlie and welcome to my tedtalk. 50/50 on whether or not any of this makes sense, because i did in fact pop 9mg (prescribed) sleeping aides a half hour before writing this, so i could wake up tomorrow and realise this was all gibberish. or maybe not! i should not be the judge of that rn

regardless of how you or your character feels about the line, i truly believe that gale believes that tav/his romantic partner is a god/dess, and it's the things like this that cement it for me.

when you think about it, (traditional) worship is very much devoting your life to a diety, and receiving some benefit back, which could really be a range of things from feeling comforted and secure about your place in the world, to moreso your clerics with actual divine gifts bestowed upon them, to chosen, like gale, who, (at least in his case) gets to kind of... tap into the wellspring of that god's domain and understand it more than any other mortal could.

this type of devotion is even purer than his devotion to mystra. the reason being is that whilst i dont believe gale ever was devoted to mystra for nefarious self-serving purposes, it would be remiss to gloss over that he did enjoy certain luxuries that he wouldnt have if he wasnt so close to his goddess, and whilst tav offers a lot more than mystra ever could both emotionally and in the service to him living an actually good and normal enriched life, this doesnt translate to any practical benefit that could compare to a literal deity -- (clumsily worded, but again, in this case im referring more to endless knowledge and immense mastery over the weave and recognition of status among his peers rather than curling up on the couch companionably).

which is to say -- i promise there's a point -- a tav, in all of their mortalness, that gale truly worships, with all of his devotion (which is a lot, he practised), must be very special for him indeed.

so gale gets ""nothing"" in return for the same if not a higher level of devotion than he ever shows mystra (i mean, when it literally comes down to it, he completely ignores her, an actual literal goddess's, direct orders bc you asked him to, so theres no doubt who wins that particular fight.) BUT -- and this is the point that i promised -- the real clincher here is that tav ASKS for nothing. well, again, not in the way that a deity asks for something. a deity asks a devotee to give them their life, what tav asks for is that gale HAS his life to do with what he chooses, and for that, gale chooses tav.

devotion, with gale and tav, is both freely given, but also freely taken. not selfishly, but in acceptance. gale had no choice, really, but to follow mystra's orders, but he followed tav anyway. how does that make tav anything less than a deity? that level of blind faith? tav accepting gale's devotion by virtue of just loving him is such a beautifully mundane piece of godhood, and comparing that to something as shallow as the ambition mystra offered is like comparing night and day.

so of course gale treats tav like he caught lightning in a bottle. he spent his whole life in the service to a goddess, devoting his whole life for the celestial equivalent of breadcrumbs -- as awesome (and i use that word as its original meaning) as godly power can be, nothing that was ever given to him truly cost mystra any real exertion -- but with tav, there is no expectation of exchange, only the full weight of one man's worship, and that is what would cause gale to treat them like an illusion. of course it does. gods that ask for nothing but for you to do the things that are in your best interest are not a thing. but tav does exactly that. how wonderful is that? how pure is that? is there truer devotion? so unmarred by any external benefit?

touching divinity is something that gale's had the extraordinary luck of having twice, but that does not make those experiences equal. his deity, that allows him to run his hands through their hair, to kiss their eyelids, and yes, indeed to also have desperate, sweaty, mortal sex with, without ever once asking for anything in return except that he remain whole and healthy? by fucking god will he make sure this is real.

[ironmandeficiency]

the best gift

pairing: fíli / fem!reader

word count: 2975

summary: your husband is sent on a diplomatic mission to reestablish trade. this trip unfortunately falls during your first birthday in erebor as fee’s betrothed

a/n: my march piece for the year of themed creation ( @yearofcreation2023 ) that i didn't finish in time bc life sucks ass. nâthuê kurdu means “daughter of my heart”, & namadith means "little sister" in khuzdul. the stone gifted to the reader is amazonite. also, see if you can find my “blind burglar” reference lol (that series has taken over my brain holy shit)

“do you truly have to go, fee?”

fíli’s forehead gently thumps against yours, his hands holding you close. “i’m sorry, ghivashel. i wish i didn’t have to go until after, but there’s only so much that can be done from such a dístance.”

you knew he was right, that reestablishing trade to erebor was crucial in gaining a sturdy foothold in the mountain. and since he’s the heir apparent, he has to uphold the duties of his status.

that doesn’t make fíli missing your birthday any less dísappointing.

“i promise you, my love, i will make every effort to be home before your special day.” his lips press gently against yours and you let yourself go in his embrace.

with a playful tug on his braided beard, you bid him safe travels before he mounts his pony and rides off.

-

~ two weeks before your birthday ~

from the day he set out, fíli wrote you all sorts of letters. their contents ranged from how deeply he loved you, to what he had to eat a few days prior, to the weird mannerisms of animals he encountered (there was a ferret that followed him for two whole days that he named thistle, silly little thing). at the end of every letter, for his own reassurance, he wished you a happy birthday in all sorts of flowery language courtesy of balin’s lessons. if the ravens knew he did this because he was frightened of the letters not reaching you in time, they probably would have pecked him a new orifice or two for doubting their efficiency.

the latest letter (and all the others before) had arrived courtesy of a raven named jessamy, a sweet hen that made her favor for your husband over the other royals very much known. she chittered softly at you from the windowsill to get your attention before squawking just loud enough to rouse you from your concentration.

“princess consort! another letter from your husband!”

rising from your desk, you approach the window and give the faithful bird a good chin scratch. “i told you, jess, you don’t have to use titles with me. we’re far beyond all the formalities.” your hands deftly untied the missive from her leg before inviting the raven inside.

it was tradition by now: every time you received a letter from fíli, the loyal raven was offered food and rest on a special cushion you had made specifically for her while waiting for you to pen your reply. jessamy was quite the conversationalist and far more favored company compared to many of the nuisance nobles that now occupied the mountain. the two of you would gossip about your respective circles and duties with afternoon tea before she carried your reply to fee.

she fluffed her wings with indignance. “being an adult or not, i think adad would have my tail feathers if he heard me being so casual with you and prince fíli.”

it took no small amount of willpower to keep from guffawing in your friend’s face. “you think roac is constantly professional with thorin? i’ve heard him on no less than three occasions call uncle an absolute fool!”

“‘do as i say, not as i do’ is a phrase i’ve heard since before i could fly, if that provides any context.”

you chuckled at the turn of phrase that sounds eerily like something thorin would say. “well, the offer still stands, my friend. you know my name and have freedom to use it however you please.”

“duly noted, princess,” her tone told you that she wasn’t planning on doing so anytime soon. dropping the topic, you choose instead to sit and read fíli’s latest letter.

my dearest love,

the weather has been suspiciously kind to us this past week, but i cannot find it in me to look this gift boar in the mouth. we braved but a brief sprinkling from the heavens, and my company was graced with the sight of a rainbow. if i had any sort of artistic ability in my bones, i’d have spent hours simply drawing the colored light as it dísappeared behind the hills we previously crossed. 

i saw the strangest mushroom a few hours after i sent jessamy back to you the time before this, far too late to include it in my letters. it was bright red and oozed something alarmingly bloody when fractured. it looked as if someone slapped a piece of venison onto a tree and called it a fungus. i sliced a piece off to give to oin, i believe he would appreciate it.

as your birthday draws ever nearer, i continue to fear that i won’t arrive home in time to celebrate by your side. as i have in every letter previously, i will remind you that i love you with every muscle and bone in my body. everything i do, i do in hopes i will continue to be the dwarf you deserve, to be someone worthy of your hand. happy birthday, my love. i’ll be home soon.

your prince,

fíli

the smile on your face hurt your cheeks. your dear husband was such a sap that he could rival that of every tree in the woodland realm.

the ornate wooden box you recently commissioned special from bifur sat on your desk, lying in wait for the latest letter to fill it. nothing could bring you to throw away any of the letters fíli has written to you, so you saved every single one all the way back to when you first met him, long before erebor was reclaimed. their new home was far more fitting than the tattered cloth and twine that kept them safe prior to coming to erebor.

would you eventually need to either size up or get more boxes made? most definitely. but for now, this latest letter would fit perfectly inside the box in front of you. adding the date it was received to the bottom, the parchment found its new home among fellow letters.

~ the morning of your birthday ~

fíli wondered, not for the first time in his life, why he allowed himself to be roped into the ridiculous plans his brother concocted. he had just arrived back in erebor mere hours ago, but instead of immediately running to you, here he was in a box. the one good thing was that it was surprisingly spacious, considering that it was, in fact, still a box.

it was all because kíli was unable to finish your true gift from him in time, which is to be a set of leather armor made from hide he collected and tanned himself. he asked dori for your measurements and to help with the ornate stitching he had planned, but other than that, everything was done by his hand alone. but his foolish brother had mistaken the month of your birthday for the one directly after, and now there was no time to see it truly complete.

that’s why he was in a box in the common room of the royal wing.

your party (or at least, the private one) wouldn’t commence until the early afternoon, but kíli was insistent on him staying in his paper-wrapped tomb until it was time. you were to receive gifts from your friends and family, and seeing as many of them would lend themselves to be something you would wear to the royal celebration, the private one would happen first.

at least his brother (and bilbo) were sneaking him food and drink from a sneakily hidden hole so he wouldn’t starve before the festivities began.

-

you woke up to the sound of your mother-in-law rifling through your wardrobe. rubbing your eyes to rid them of the crust from a good sleep, you broke through her whispered mutterings. “amad, what…”

she ignored you in favor of continuing to tear your room apart. “there’s no time, you should have been bathed and braided an hour ago!” at first you’re very confused, but then you remember the day.

groaning, you untangle yourself from your blankets, thankful that your husband warned you that amad would be in your rooms when you woke the morning of your birthday. you were in a more presentable pair of nightclothes than you would have been otherwise.

she heard you ruffling about and immediately approached you, her usual no-nonsense eyes also housing the fondness that only came from a mother. “oh good you’re up. there’s already a bath waiting with your favorite soaps, and when you get out your clothes will be waiting on your bed for you. i’ll help you dress, then we can braid your hair properly.” it was like she never stopped to breathe.

before you could even reply, she was shooing you towards the bathroom while tugging at your nightclothes. “now off you go! no daughter of mine will arrive at her own birthday celebration looking like a hooligan.”

if you were a bit more awake you would have laughed.

some minutes later (no matter how much you wanted to enjoy your morning bath, it would be most unwise to keep dís waiting), you emerged from the bathroom and marveled at the gown that lay waiting for you on the bed.

dís noticed your entrance and smiled at the way your eyes lit up while taking in the fine work. it was dyed in the same durin blue you wore on the day of your wedding, with such intricate work along the hem that you couldn’t help but open your mouth in awe. “dori’s talent never dísappoints, does it?” you nodded your agreement in stunned silence.

there were the signature embroidered sharp edges that defined dwarven fashion, many segments adorned with crystal chips sewn directly into the dress. it wasn’t a crystal you were immediately familiar with, but you enjoyed the way the lighter blue contrasted the deep blue with a bright pop.

“as much as we’d both like to stare at the dress for the next several hours, it would look much better on you.” you bit back the scandalous comment that came to mind that involved your husband liking it better on the floor of your rooms. you’ve been spending far too much time with your brother-in-law.

for being so beautiful, you thought it would be an absolute pain to actually get on. much to your surprise, it slid on your body like a glove. dís fastened it closed and once you were snug inside the gown, she all but pushed you into the chair in front of your vanity to begin braiding your hair.

with the barest amounts of makeup and braids weaved into your hair tighter than gloin’s coin purse, she finally set you free for the moment. she dug in the pockets hidden in the folds of her own dress - something she always insisted on you requesting as well - until she pulled out a small box with the seven stars of durin on the lid.

she placed the box in your hands, her strong, callused ones firmly holding yours into place. “this is my gift for you, nâthuê kurdu. a piece that symbolizes the bond you share with fíli, made by my own hand to celebrate the daughter i never thought i would get.”

it was a beautifully made necklace that had you captivated at first sight. the chain itself was a delicate weave of copper and silver, but the pendant was what gave you pause. it was the sun and moon; the sun was made of tiger’s eye, the stone that dís christened her firstborn with at his own majority, and the moon was made of the same stone that adorned parts of your dress. they faced each other and around them, wrapped in more wire, were diamonds representing the seven stars.

“dís, you didn’t…”

“oh, my daughter, you’ll find that i did.”

“will you tell me about it?”

she gave you your own stone, an honor you knew she only gave to a very select few.

her eyes were glistening just enough to tell you that she was feeling the love as strongly as you were. “it’s a stone given to help find one’s voice, a conduit to aid in speaking from the heart. it influences calm in the owner and will serve you well for the rest of your days, not just as a future queen of erebor, but as a wife and friend.”

you would have been in tears at her speech if not for the playful glare she gave you warning of the consequences of ruining the makeup. “i don’t know what- thank you amad, i will treasure this piece until the end of my days.” that’s all you knew to say, all you could say without blubbering.

after helping you put it on, she wrapped you in a strong embrace that put you back together seamlessly. “if this is how you act with only a necklace, i don’t think you’ll have a chance of retaining composure once we’re back with everyone.”

-

she was definitely right about that. thorin’s gift of an intricate silver circlet embedded with both yours and your husband’s stones had your bottom lip dangerously quivering. he would have been bowled over at your tackle-hug had he not been already sitting down. he merely smiled and pet your head softly, bilbo passing you a handkerchief to wipe the water from your eyes.

thankfully, you were already familiar with the hobbit tradition of giving gifts on one’s birthday instead of receiving, and had presented him with a set of ceramic teacups and matching saucers you made. they weren’t the same high quality fine china he was passed down by his relatives back in the shire, but they could hold tea just fine. it was given with love and usefulness in mind and to bilbo, that’s what mattered.

with every gift you were given, you felt like you could fly with the ravens from the joy. kíli looked oddly suspicious through the entire ordeal, which would have been slightly worrying had it not been your birthday. he wasn’t daft enough to prank you on such an important day lest he risk the wrath of his mother.

it was even worse when he avoided giving you your gift each time the others badgered him to present it already. their gifts had already been presented and your heart filled with love from each.

“kíli, where is your gift?”

“well, uh, you see, what happened was-” dís leveled a glare at him that could have frozen mount doom. “i didn’t finish it in time. but! the moment i complete it, i shall present it with all the pageantry it deserves.”

“well if you don’t have yours to give, then who’s that massive brick from?” dwalin pointed to the massive box. he raised a very valid point that led many a bearded chin to be stroked in confusion. kíli was the last one who hadn’t given his gift, yet while he says his gift wasn’t finished, there was still an unopened present waiting around the fireplace.

you approached it warily, wondering what in the world it could hold to warrant the size of its container. kíli revealed nothing. “just open it and you’ll see, namadith.” the smirk he wore belied trouble of the worst kind.

maybe he wasn’t as intelligent as you gave him credit for.

“i swear, inudoy, if that box has anything that risks ruining the joy of this day, i will tan your hide and give what little meat there is on your bones to bombur to serve with tonight’s dinner!” dís’s warning did nothing but widen the grin on his face, which would have been rather frightening if you couldn’t hear muffled laughter from the box in front of you.

it was a laugh you fell in love with many moons ago, the one that followed your silly jokes and the sight of his brother getting flattened by dwalin on the training grounds. it was the laugh of your beloved husband, barely being concealed by the box itself and the bickering erupting from the others.

you opened the lid with a knowing smile and as soon as it was removed, fíli popped up with his arms outstretched. “happy birthday, ghivashel!” he attempted to step out of the box to properly embrace you, but it seems his time in the box had put a damper on his ability to properly walk. instead, he tumbled out of it and nearly brought you to the ground as he tried to brace himself.

your laughter mingled with his, neither of you paying attention to the sniggers from the onlookers. “fíli! when did you get back?! please tell me you haven’t been in that box for the past three days!” it appeared in the common room a few days prior and the curiosity about what it could be plagued you for hours upon first glimpse. but no one else seemed to have any clue about it, so you let your curiosity rest.

he chuckled as he stretched his legs out, braving the tingling feeling you knew he was experiencing from being cooped up for durin knows how long. “i only arrived very early this morning. i barely had time to bathe before my fool of a brother was shoving me into this thing and sneaking me food.” he shook his head and laughed, pressing a solid kiss to your temple. “and thank you for the tea earlier, uncle bilbo!”

the hobbit waved him off with a smile, nudging thorin lovingly to get him to pay attention to the fact the contents of the box wouldn’t, in fact, result in him being short a nephew.

“i hate to say it fee, but i think your brother has gotten me the best gift so far.”

“you’ll just have to wait until tonight, kurdu.”

“i look forward to it.”

[lafcadiosadventures]

Madame Putiphar Groupread. Book Two, Chapter XXIX

Degradation Ceremony

Arthur Rackham, pen and watercolour illustration for Irish Fairytales.

Patrick is surprised to be summoned from the dungeon so soon. He is ordered to dress in his gala uniform.

He is then taken to the main courtyard where the whole company is assembled.

The reader already knows what’s up since we read Putiphar’s letter to Villepastour, but even though he must have heard about this punishment during his military instruction, it takes a second for Patrick to realize what’s coming. The chapter depicts Patrick’s state of mind as kind of numbed by anxiety and exhaustion. Once he hears the trumpets he doesn’t doubt any more and takes a challenging stance because he realizes he is about to be degraded. He is soon overcome by shivers and cold and sweating, and feels almost faint. This is when they force him to kneel (and we suffer with Patrick because of the psychological accuracy of the description. Also because we remember the narrator portraying Irishmen in book one, chapter five, as those who “(...) ne se tenant jamais pour battus, ne pactisant jamais avec l’iniquité; la gorge sous le pied de leur ennemi rêvant encore l’insurrection.” Patrick is in such a bad state, he is being devoured from within by his own fear. He is not to be blamed, he seems to believe all of this is unavoidable, and in fact it now is, and we feel terrible it has come to this. I don’t know. It’s terribly well conveyed and we just feel impotence at our inability to protect him)

After that, Villepastour has a lieutenant read Patrick’s charges in Ireland, and therefore decree him to be banished from the Musketeers corps.

Patrick cannot help weeping. His suspicions that he wouldn’t attain long lasting happiness in this world seem to be confirmed and he is pierced by helplessness. This sense of suspicion that joy wasn’t meant to be lasting for him is not incompatible with a lifetime of instability he has endured, not only in Cockermouth Castle, but also in colonized Ireland as a whole. (and Cockermouth Castle is a microcosm representing that larger imperial power) And he had idealized France so intensely, seeing his life fall pray of the same arbitrary power that haunted him back home,,, is too much.

[⚠️speculative tangent alert⚠️ It seems as if the narrative is punishing Patrick for his naif belief that he could trust the French monarchy, and work for it (even in such a minor role he still becomes part of an imperial army) and find joy... Perhaps this story kind of has that fable morality with a twist Borel served in Champavert, Is Patrick being punished because he wasn’t lucid enough to condemn/reject all monarchs, and all imperial armies, only those that affected him personally? While of course stressing the cruelty and pettiness of it’s two main villains. Patrick does not in any way deserve what happens to him. But the Dark Fate Borel is constructing, is described as having some preferred victims/who are the best of people and do not deserve this rage,,,, So far we've seen that fate as a blind and random force that allows the cruel and powerful of the earth to stomp and pray on those weaker than the just because they can. We have also seen if defined as an evil deity who tests the fate of its stronger followers.. I realize this tangent has lasted long enough and i don't have a closing conclusion to offer yet. It's all speculation for now because perhaps we haven't seen enough, but summing it up there seem to be three vectors here at play:

we are alone in the universe and the dark fate is ruled by those with the means to abuse others aka the rich and powerful,

there is an evil god tasting the faith of his strongest believers

there is a system of reward and punishment at play, like in traditional folktales]

His words from last chapter return as a mantra (comparable to Diderot’s Jacques’ mantra*):

“My God! my God!” he whispered like the previous night in the forest, “what destiny have you prepared for me in the afterlife to make this one so cruel?”

(tr. @sainteverge )

After reading him his charges and his sentence, they make him rise to proceed with his degradation: his uniform is torn, his sabre broken, his hair cropped like that of a man condemned to death, and he is finally made to wear a hood made of some kind of rough fabric, to mark him as a man worthy of no respect, he is marked as dishonoured.

After the “insulting”fanfares ring, the ceremony concludes with Villepastour riding towards him and hitting Patrick three times with the blunt side of his blade, and crying out: go, you are vanished.

---

*Jacques utters his mantra in all kinds of situations, among them times of extreme distress. Although the tone in the Diderot scene I’m copying bellow is somewhat farcical, the situation is comparable, since Jacques is forced by his social status to submit to the Master: a man that is usually less smart than he, and physically less strong.

«Voilà le maître dans une colère terrible et tombant à grands coups de fouet sur son valet, et le pauvre diable disant à chaque coup : « Celui-là était apparemment encore écrit là-haut… »»

“See the Master in a terrible rage and furiously beating his valet down with his whip, and the poor devil saying with each stroke: “this was apparently also written up above...””

While Patrick is not forced to submit to a single weaker individual, he is forced to assume a possition of submission (while he wanted to challenge the whole regiment) and allow himself to be humiliated and abused.

( @counterwiddershins @sainteverge )

[counsellormurdock]

have some matt murdock headcanons to share?

oh man, yeah, i got a few :joy:

re: matt's senses - i'm a firm believer that they can easily exhaust him when used at length or intensely (see dd. vol 5 issue 14 where matt develops a nosebleed by trying to listen so hard for the absence of sound in order to find blindspot / muse). extended use of his senses to navigate and fight leaves him thorougly exhausted if he doesn't moderate himself (and we know matt is aces at moderation). because of this, his skills & training in being able to expertly navigate in traditional ways as blind people do is incredibly important. following a few days stretch of constantly vigilantism, matt just wants to check out and in order to get around relies on the skills he learned in his O&M classes back in the day.

re: matt's cowl that only covers half his face - this was intentional. yeah, it might make it easier to recognize him, to put two and two together that matt murdock is daredevil, but being a disabled man, matt knows how inaccessibility can disparige and increase stigma and ableism. by only wearing half a cowl, matt's able to better assist the Deaf and HOH within his city. Hearing loss is not something that matt can easily detect with his own senses, and if he covered his mouth he'd be removing his help from this community of people.

@ live action: always expressed displeasure at nelson & murdock being on the second floor with no elevators. again, a roadblock being truly accessible.

firm believer that matt murdock is pansexual demiromantic (always pretty quick to sleep with people but takes that deeper emotional connection to form that last relationship).

two main reasons matt refuses to having a seeing eye dog: 1. the overall assault having a dog would have on his senses ie. loud, smelly and they shed. 2. obtaining a seeing eye dog is an unnecessarily difficult and usually expensive process and he wants those trained dogs to go to other blind individuals who need that mobility aid more than him.

off the previous point: matt also makes a yearly contribution to 'the seeing eye' a foundation that provides specially bred & trained dogs to the blind. a non-profit that relies on donations, matt keeps his anonymous, not needing the recognition. (the amount varies, but in the comics where matt & foggy have a pretty successful law firm it's a sizeable donation).

at his confirmation, matt chose joseph as his name. st. joseph was chosen by god to care for mary & jesus because of joseph's love for god. he was also a man of great compassion for others and his desire to protect people was honorable.

matt dislikes lent - not because of sacrificing a luxury to show his faith but because of the weekly fish fries that a large number of churches hold. it's the entire city smells like a fast food grease trap.

doesn't own a lot of books due to the size in which braille books are in respect to the printed versions. he has a couple, mostly his favorites that he keeps, as well as a lot of his law texts - which are unruly and massive, but they were a bitch to carry and remind him of how he became a lawyer. he doesn't really reference them much, since they are quickly outdated and obtaining more recent versions in braille is difficult. this is one area where matt depends on electronic copies/screen reader technology to stay up to date.

in dd vol 6 issue 8 matt mentions that reading in braille reminds him of work and enjoys audiobooks for pleasure. he's picky about the ones he listens too, wanting a good plot and a nice narrator to listen to. he only listens to them when there's true downtime, it's not something he plays on commutes or while on patrol. they're reserved for the pleasure of relaxation.

also, he enjoys being read to, especially from people he cares about and is close with. it doesn't matter what it is, listening to his loved ones voice will always calm him down even when anxiety and depression feel like they will tear him apart.

there are two separate issues of dd comics where matt doesn't say a word the entire issue. i cannot remember which ones, i know one is from the 80's when doctor fear has the entire city infested with demons and idr the other but i know it exists. BUT, there are days where everything is just so overwhelming that matt doesn't need to add his own voice to the mix and doesn't say a word - his quiet days.

his love language is words of affirmation - the boy just rly needs to hear that he's doing a good job at things.

it doesn't take a lot of alcohol or other drug to get matt drunk/high. what someone might consider tipsy, matt feels is closer to a stage of drunk. his blood alcohol content is still the same as another individual of his size drinking the same amount. so, matt can still go drink-for-drink but he seems like he can't hold his liquor as well as a "normal" person.

dislikes texting, especially with people who don't know proper etiquette when texting someone who uses a screenreader. strings of emojis become incomprehensible nonsense and he won't bother listening to the end if he has to listen to "winking face with tongue winking face with tongue winking face with tongue" over and over.

okay, i think that's where i'll call this, i could keep going forever, but thank u for the ask !!

[nimata-beroya]

MY THOUGHTS ON THE MANDALORIAN - Chapter 20 "The Foundling"

I loved this episode so much! And not because the same reason most hardcore fans loved it. I didn't recognize Ahmed Best until I saw someone mentioning that he had portrait Jar Jar Binks in the prequels, and we all know how many fans treated him. It's nice he's given a role where he's getting all the love and respect from the fans he always deserved. I honestly don't understand why people can't separate actor from character. It's fine if you don't like a character, but it's never okay to hate and harass an actor because of it.

Anyway, let me tell you why I loved this episode…

This episode gave me exactly what I was asking for. I wanted to see the dynamic within the covert, I wanted to see their daily life. I even hinted at it in a posted I did on this past Tuesday. Because we've only gotten crumbs about it in the 2 previous seasons. We saw a bit of it in the pilot episode of the series, then in chapter 3, and after that nothing until episode 5 of The Book of Boba Fett. Then, it was only the Armorer and Paz Vizla, a reunion which didn't go well for Din, as we know. So, I was curious of how they lived together.

I know people are complaining (what else is new! 🙄) about Bo stealing Din spotlight on his own show. That's not happening, for many reasons. We get to see Bo's POV because all that is new to her too as much as it's new to us, the audience. So it makes sense that we follow the character that it's as clueless as we are.

People want to see Din and Grogu every second of the show. I don't blame them for wanting that, but some need to understand that sometimes you need to focus on other characters to move the story forward. It's not just Bo's journey, her journey also reflects Din's, by contrasting or doing parallels to it. This episode referred as much to Grogu and Ragnar as it did to Bo. Everything is revealing pieces of a much larger puzzle.

I think what Bo's journey is about is that she needs to learn that leadership and respect is earned by what you do, not for what you are. She still has a bit of arrogance thinking that she can lead Mandalore because she had the Darksaber once, because she was a princess and was raised for it. Because she's the best, and she can do it alone. Also, it's about finding, or rather, building up her faith again.

In contrast, Din's journey is more about in finding confidence in his own leadership skills and learning not to have a blind faith. In short, finding a balance between traditions and pragmatism.

Watching foundlings training was great. I think that Din putting Grogu to fight against Ragnar was the best. I think it was a bit of integrating Grogu even more to the covert's life, but also it was about Din showing Grogu off. He was very confident in what his son can do, rightly so. And also, I think it's important that Grogu feels comfortable using The Force in a more relaxed environment and not just in life-threatening situations. Or to steal cookies and candy. That he mostly uses the Force when he's afraid is not a good thing. Things can get ugly fast if he's not careful.

I know that that Mandos are used to train for war, to attack, as warriors, but as far as we've seen, this particular covert, when they fight, it's always to protect. So, that's not much different than why Jedi trained.

Of course, we cannot ignore Grogu's trauma, but this is the life he chose. Mandalorians fight, so he needs to learn to. he can choose never attack someone.

I know everyone's first instinct when Din issued the challenge was to say "But he's a baby!" which sorta true, but not quite. First, Grogu is small but not helpless as he demonstrated it. Second, how is this so much different from Jedi training with Lightsabers or the ball droid thingy? The low setting laser bolts hurt more than the paintballs, I think. And Ragnar needed the lesson to drop a peg or 2 to his cockiness, don't you think? God lesson that of "One does not speak unless one knows."

And talking about Ragnar, poor kid! First, he gets his shebs kicked by someone 3 times smaller than him, and then gets kidnapped by a monster and almost eaten alive (that's without counting that he was almost eaten once before when he took the creed in the chapter 17). But I'm over the moon that they confirmed that he's Paz's son.

Order 66 flashback I knew it was coming, but it hurt like always does. I like the parallel of Grogu having it in the forge, just like Din had his back in Chapter 3. And we finally know who helped Grogu escape!! I didn't know about Kalleran Baq before, but I love him now. Instant love!

And my theory about who lend that H-type Nubian ship is that it wasn't Padmé. She didn't know what was happening, and she was busy worrying about her freshly-inducted Sith husband, so that leaves 2 possibilities. It was either one of her maids, Sabé, perhaps, or it was the only other Naboo senatorial representative we know. It'd be great and doubly vindicating if Jar Jar was the one who helped to save the most beloved character in SW universe.

I think The Armorer saw Grogu doing his flip-flops in the morning and said, yep, time for another piece of armor for him. The roundel it's kinda of weird, but I loved that it has the mudhorn sigil!!

As I said before, I'm liking the way Bo is earning respect from everyone in the covert, especially in this episode when she led the rescuing party. This what I mean by to be appreciated by what you do, not what you are. Let your actions speak for you.

But I admit that dinner scene when everyone goes somewhere to eat alone is absolutely depressing. Gawd! That helmet rule needs to go! I know that logistically it won't be as soon as we like, I think, specifically for Din, because of Pedro's other filming obligations, but at some point they need to relax it a bit. I mean, when I heard that rule I interpreted it as "you don't show your face to the enemy" as in the symbol of the T visor is enough to put fear in your enemy, not matter who's beneath it, because whoever it is it's going to kick your ass. But with family and people you trust, you can and should show your face. But what I know?!

I love the parallel of Din and Paz saving the other's son. Their relationship is great, and it's peak sibling energy, like hate you sometimes, sometimes I love you but if you need me I'll be there no matter what.

Very nice touch of the covert to adopt the three dragon-bird babies! I went: OH NO! 😱 when the croc-turtle monster ate the mom. The babies were going to die without her. But of course, I should've known better. Mandalorians will adopt any creature despite their species or age 🤣 I swear they go with a weapon in one hand and adoption papers in the other.

The scene where Bo-Katan confesses to the Armorer that she saw the Mythosaur was great. It showed what I suspected all along. Bo's silence about it was never because of a nefarious motive. It was simply because Bo has a hard time comprehend what she saw was true. I mean, any sane person would be wary. Anyone would doubt their sanity if suddenly they see a creature that was supposed to be extinct millennia ago.

The armorer's response to the confession can be interpreted in many ways. She might've believed Bo or she might've not. It could've been scheming or patronizing, or simply it doesn't matter to The Armorer what Bo saw as long Bo believes it, as the mythosaur is the symbols of what's to be a Mandalorian. I guess we have to wait and see how this goes.

Ok, this turned out to be longer than I expected, so I'll leave it here. I have a couple of thoughts in my head that sprung out after watching the episode, but I'll leave them for another post.

The review for the next episode also will be late because TBB season finale has priority for me, but I'm very curious about what will happen in the next episode. Are we going back to Nevarro, or we're going somewhere else? Because there's a footage around that shows a planet with dome cities?

Is this a flashback to Mandalore of old or a new planet? I need to know what going on!

[turb0fox]

✨ Bold the Facts ✨

Got tagged by both @v1ctory-or-sovngarde and @themichibear ! Filling this out for my Rifts PC Bugsy! (I needed help picking from my many many OCs lol)

I've never been great at tagging folks, so if you're a follower/mutual and want to fill it out, consider yourself tagged and feel free to @ me so I can read it as well!

✧˖°. PERSONAL

$ Financial: wealthy / moderate / poor / in poverty ✚ Medical: fit / moderate / sickly / disabled / disadvantaged / non-applicable ✪ Class/Caste: upper / middle / working / unsure / other ✔ Education: qualified / unqualified / studying / other ✖ Criminal Record: yes, for major crimes / yes, for minor crimes / no / has committed crimes, but not caught yet / yes, but charges were dismissed Notes: Bugsy is a second generation mutant bat, meaning that despite being a typically very unlikely circumstance he was born from 2 mutant bats that were created in a lab. Because of this he was born blind and doesn't have the best skeletal structure (on top of having multiple experimental implants and various other testing including those that have effected his strength and metabolism,) and sort of lives outside most class and caste structures on top of the organization that create him (the Coalition) labeling him as Feral for having escaped. He has a very fickle but intimate knowledge that he's sort of living due to the good graces of the current mercenary group he's found himself with and that this could very easily change due to a variety of reasons, even if it's near impossible for him to sit still when he experiences time at a much faster rate than a normal human/humanoid race does.

✧˖°. FAMILY

◒ Children: had a child or children / has no children / wants children ◑ Relationship with Family: close with sibling(s) / not close with sibling(s) / has no siblings / sibling(s) deceased ◔ Affiliation: orphaned / abandoned / adopted / found family / disowned / raised by birth parent(s) / not applicable Notes: Despite his birth parents best efforts in the beginning of his life to hide him, once the Coalition had found out about his existence they were essentially forced to hand him over. He does not see anyone of the Coalition, scientist or not as any kind of family.

✧˖°. TRAITS + TENDENCIES

♦ extroverted / introverted / in-between♦ disorganized / organized / in-between ♦ close-minded / open-minded / in-between ♦ calm / anxious / in-between / highly contextual ♦ disagreeable / agreeable / in-between♦ cautious / reckless / in-between / highly contextual♦ patient / impatient / in-between ♦ outspoken / reserved / in-between / highly contextual ♦ leader / follower / in-between♦ empathetic / vicious bastard / in-between / highly contextual♦ optimistic / pessimistic / in-between♦ traditional / modern / in-between ♦ hard-working / lazy / in-between ♦ cultured / uncultured / in-between / unknown ♦ loyal / disloyal / unknown / highly contextual♦ faithful / unfaithful / unknown / highly contextual Notes: Bugsy has a bad habit of constantly talking, especially when he's anxious (unless he feels like he's in serious danger in which he shuts up pretty quickly.) He's also just far more pessimistic than his outward attitude lets on, though a lot of that is because he can't afford becoming a doomer so he tends to keep his thoughts in the immediate present which also tends to make him look not very smart lol.

✧˖°. BELIEFS

★ Faith: monotheist / polytheist / atheist / agnostic ☆ Belief in Ghosts or Spirits: yes / no / don't know / don't care / in a matter of speaking ✮ Belief in the Afterlife: yes / no / don't know / don't care / in a manner of speaking ✯ Belief in Reincarnation: yes / no / don't know / don't care / in a manner of speaking ❃ Belief in Aliens: yes / no / don't know / don't care ✧ Religious: orthodox / liberal / in-between / not religious ❀ Philosophical: yes / no / highly contextual Notes: Okay so some of these just Are A Thing in his universe, but he does not believe in a higher being. Just beings being beings, some are stronger and more advantaged and that's just how it is.

✧˖°. SEXUALITY & ROMANTIC INCLINATION

❤ Sexuality: heterosexual / homosexual / bisexual / asexual / pansexual / questioning ❥ Sex: sex-repulsed / sex neutral / sex favorable / naive and clueless ♥ Romance: romance repulsed / romance neutral / romance favorable / naive and clueless / romance suspicious ❣ Sexually: adventurous / experienced / naive / inexperienced / curious ⚧ Potential Sexual Partners: male / female / agender / other / none / all ⚧ Potential Romantic Partners: male / female / agender / other / none / all Notes: I wouldn't call Bugsy asexual mainly because he's never really had the room to think about it. His feelings around relationships in general is that they're fragile and prone to break and as soon as they do then life gets more dangerous again. He'll stay in a potential found family but he knows its not set in stone. He knows. He also knows that people don't like the way he looks cause he's built weird and wrong so it's not worth devoting mental energy too.

✧˖°. ABILITIES

☠ Combat Skills: excellent / good / moderate / poor / none ≡ Literacy Skills: excellent / good / moderate / poor / none ✍ Artistic Skills: excellent / good / moderate / poor / none ✂ Technical Skills: excellent / good / moderate / poor / none Notes: Even apart from the experimentations done to him, Bugsy has only ever been a mercenary outside being a test subject and has never needed any of these and therefore has never needed to be taught.

✧˖°. HABITS

☕ Drinking Alcohol: never / special occasions / sometimes / frequently / alcoholic / former borderline alcoholic turned sober ☁ Smoking: tried it / trying to quit / quit / never / rarely / sometimes / frequently / chain-smoker ✿ Recreational Drugs: tried some / never / special occasions / sometimes / frequently / addict ✌ Medicinal Drugs: never / no longer needs medication / some medication needed / frequently / to excess ☻ Unhealthy Food: never / special occasions / sometimes / frequently / binge eater $ Splurge Spending: never / sometimes / frequently / shopaholic ♣ Gambling: never / rarely / sometimes / frequently / compulsive gambler Notes: Bugsy's M.O.M. implants (Mind Over Matter implants) make his perception of time waaaay different than a normal human's and also fuck over his many other senses, especially his senses of hearing, taste and smell. Everything Is A Lot All The Time And All The Time Happens So Much. He doesn't need stimulants he's already stimulated. Medications could probably help, but good luck figuring out what he needs and then getting him to take it.

[msclaritea]

Gnosticism & Christianity

Gnostics claim the cosmos and even the flesh we inhabit are an illusory prison for the soul that was created by an evil god called the Demiurge, who is often compared to the Biblical Yahweh. They also claim this prison can only be escaped through gnosis, or secret knowledge, which is often compared to the Biblical forbidden fruit, or the Tree Yahweh wanted to keep Adam and Eve away from.

However, these claims seem to contradict themselves. How can a brain designed to deceive itself be trusted with secret knowledge? How can anything true be found in an illusion? And if the Bible is a tool for religious mind control that was written by dark Demiruge cultists like the Gnostics say, why use it as source material?

The fact we can even write things and understand them should be enough evidence to suggest we were designed intelligently and intentionally. While the Gnostics do not deny the existence of a cosmic architect, they claim he is dumb and blind. They also claim Yahweh is bloodthirsty, despite the fact that He says He desires steadfast love and not sacrifice many times. But again, they use cherry-picked and out-of-context Bible verses, as well as their own intelligence, to come to these conclusions.

The reasoning faculty, which the Gnostics believe was created by a dumb and blind god, is obviously capable of non-evil thoughts and right-thinking. Even though we have been taught to use it the wrong way, the reality of the reasoning faculty only further reinforces the Christian narrative. Christians claim we were created in the image of the One True Triune God, and we can see His Trinitarian nature even in our own mind, which has organs for reason, emotion, and will. Furthermore, we are composed of mind, body, and spirit.

Although things are complicated and seem to require complicated solutions, the actual answers to life’s greatest questions might be simpler than we’d like to believe. However, in their simplicity, they are actually even more complicated than we can comprehend. The Bible is so sensible, a child can understand it. But it’s also so deep, it can be studied by a scholar or a sage for an entire lifetime. And it wasn’t written by dark cultists.

Many reliable and ancient historians documented Christ’s life, the political chaos it caused, and the controversial oral tradition it birthed, which was eventually written down into many manuscripts that were collected and canonized by ecumenical councils beginning in the 4th century. Those who say the whole thing was a Roman conspiracy are just spreading a lie similar to the slanderous claims made by the Jewish Pharisees.

Why would the Romans invent a religion that undermined their own empire? Why would they destroy their own temples and cause civil unrest that lasted 300 years? Why would they kill the Christians they created? And why would Christianity continue to grow exponentially, despite the deadly consequences its followers became subject to? Was it really because they were that dumb and deceived? Or were they actually witnessing and performing real miracles that strengthened their faith?

This theory also seems contradictory. And even though the Jews were known to fall away into dark cultish practices over and over again, like when they worshipped Babylonian gods, there was always a remnant that remained faithful to the One True Triune God. Just because some of them were worshiping false deities, does not mean all of them were.

So, Christ was not an invention of Jewish elites either. In fact, those were the people He came to deliver us from. The Pharisees had Him crucified because He claimed to be their God in the flesh and preached an otherworldly message they didn’t like! He was not just an enlightened teacher, like some Gnostics claim. Gnostics believe Christ was separate from Yahweh, or the Demiurge, and was sent to show us how to escape this prison. But this too is contradictory. Christ is one of the three persons of the Trinity.

His Trinitarian nature is what makes the One True God unlike any other god. And Christ Himself said He was Yahweh’s Son, the fulfillment of the Jewish Messianic prophecies. This is the only reason He was relevant to the ancient world, which was waiting on a Messiah! However, when He didn’t arrive as a literal king like many of the Pharisees expected, He was rejected by those who loved worldly power more than spiritual riches.

Christ also said nothing about escaping this world. He came to transfigure the flesh along with the entire cosmos. In fact, Christianity is one of the only religions that doesn’t dishonor the body. The body is considered a temple. And when we die, we don’t just leave it behind. At the end of time, it will be transformed into Light, during an event called the Universal Resurrection.

Nevertheless, the point is, Christ was not, and is not, separate from the Trinity. How could He fight against Himself? He also was not, and is not, a conspiracy or fictional invention meant to enslave and mind control the masses. While modern Christianity is definitely a diluted perversion that resembles something like this, Christ was actually a historical figure whose original message was about renewing the mind and becoming truly free.

To paraphrase C. S. Lewis, we cannot deny the existence of Christ. We can only decide whether we think He was a madman, a demon, or a liar, or accept He was who He said He was, the Son of God. But what kind of madman would teach humanity the healthiest system of psychology we have? What kind of demon would give us the Golden Rule? And what kind of moral teacher would lie about being the Messiah? C. S. Lewis wouldn’t even consider Christ being a teacher a logical option.

But the Gnostics are attacking sound doctrine, just like they did in the past. This increasing interest in Gnosticism seems intentional. It’s subliminally embedded in every Hollywood movie. It gets promoted by the algorithm. And people eat it up because all they know of the Bible is what modern Christianity has shown them.

It should come as no surprise then that the modernization of Christianity began during the Enlightenment Era, when secret societies like the Illuminati began infiltrating the ancient Church and “Christianizing” alchemical texts like the Kabbala. The Kabbala is practiced by Talmudic Jews, or those who fell away into dark cultish practices originating in Babylon and later Rome. Again, not all Jews went astray. And Babylon was one of the first Gnostic civilizations.

Babylon’s mystery religion was a continuation of what was believed by the builders at the Tower of the Babel, who, like the Gnostics, hated God and wanted to become gods by killing Him. The beliefs of these builders also eventually inspired the Freemasons and other similar groups. So, Gnosticism is actually the mystery religion of the Illuminati, which they have cleverly managed to indoctrinate the masses with.

Why would we want to practice the same religion as our enemies? The Illuminati isn’t just a bunch of Satan worshipers, like they want us to believe. They are Faustians, or people who believe they need to make deals with demons to obtain forbidden knowledge. Gnosticism is just the same lie the Serpent said in the Garden, but disguised as an alluring mystery.

Life is not a mystery though. It’s mysteriously simple. The meaning of life is no longer a secret. It was revealed to everyone 2000 years ago, and even to those outside of time in Hades. In the Bible, everyone who believed in Christ was not automatically saved. Judas and the demons called Legion are examples of this. Even those who were baptized, like Simon Magus, were not guaranteed salvation.

So, the same logic goes for those who never heard of Christ. Just because they didn’t know about Him doesn’t mean they are automatically damned. Plus, Hell is not even what modern Christianity describes. It’s more like a self-imposed spiritual condition than a physical place.

This is because, yes, the Bible has been mistranslated over time. And even Christians are guilty of cherry-picking and using out-of-context Bible verses. But ancient traditions, books by church historians, and the writings of the Saints can still help us fill in these gaps. So, the Truth is not a fringe idea only a few eccentric researchers and their followers on the internet can understand. This is an extremely prideful and deluded attitude. Of course, many Christians are guilty of this too. So, this is not to say we have it all figured out.

However, what we do have is a peace that surpasses reason, a faithful knowing that, in God’s infinite and ineffable wisdom, what we need to know will be revealed when we need to know it. We trust what we have already been given is enough. We have, at the very least, the correct framework to work within. Of course, there are still secrets. But we don’t need to know them because they are either useless, unedifying, or beyond our comprehension. So, here is that framework:

Christians claim when Yahweh created the universe, He called it good. It wasn’t a prison for the soul. God created the cosmos as a paradisal playground for His children. Originally, Heaven and Earth were united. And mankind, having both angelic and animalistic qualities, was the bridge between them. But this connection was severed when Adam and Eve ate the forbidden fruit and sinned.

Without this bridge back to the source of creation, the cosmos became chaotic and corrupt, or fallen. And over time, the Earth and its inhabitants have only continued to fall further from their original design. Nevertheless, God continues to sustain and uphold His decaying world.

Like the universal and unifying force the ancients described as giving life to everything, God is in all and fills all. Moment to moment, like a heartbeat, He breathes vitality back into His dying creation. He does this because He desires to restore the cosmos to its intended purpose at some point in the future, during the eschaton.

However, this requires our participation, which consists of turning away from sin, or repentance. And this was the message preached by the ancient prophets, who, like Christ, were hated and persecuted by those who did not understand what they were saying. God chose them as His messengers for their bold but sincere hearts.

The prophets hated evil and thirsted after the Truth, no matter how uncomfortable it was or what it cost them. Fueled by an affectionate longing for union with their beloved Creator, they prayed unceasingly and offered genuine sacrifices, which were of the soul, and not just routinely slaughtered animals. By doing these things, the prophets became friends of God and spoke with Him like one, and they were gifted revelations from Heaven.

For all of time, mankind has believed in angels, demons, spirits, and gods. But some people believed in a God of gods too. Because of the fall, divine knowledge was obscured, leading to confusion and conflict surrounding the transcendent Creator. This is why the ancient prophets also said God would incarnate in a human as The Christ, or the Mystery of God revealed in the flesh, to make the unknowable knowable and the invisible visible.

When their prophecies were finally fulfilled, their message was undeniably validated, at least for those with spiritual sight. It also demonstrated God’s true character as a loving and humble friend, rather than a bloodthirsty tyrant. Furthermore, The Christ’s example showed us how to rebridge the gap back to the source of creation, so we might help restore the connection between Heaven and Earth, or become partakers of the divine nature.

By doing this, we co-labor with Christ on the Cross, transfiguring death into life, a fallen cosmos into Paradise. The world is not illusory. It’s just filled with illusions. The world is not false. It just appears that way because it continues to fall further away from the Truth, which is a Person, and not an idea.

[allaboutirony]

For a long time, I thought making dnd characters that differ from me greatly would be the most fun. My first character was kinda just me, so i decided to deviate for our next campaign. And when I thought, "what might be a challenge for me to rp?" i immediately thought, "religious." And what's more than just being religious? Relying on your faith. So I went with Paladin.

I'm kinda a furry, so I went from a tiny halfling to a giant dragonborn. The default god for silver dragonborns is Bahamut, so I looked him up. I'm generally very bored with gods as a concept, but I ended up loving Bahamut. He doesn't believe in traditional punishment, he's extremely humble, and very kind. He wanders the world disguised as an old man with some birds. When he bests a challenger in battle, he turns them into sheep, temporarily, which does three things. 1, it illustrates his power, 2, it doesn't kill them, and 3, it gives them time to think about their actions and change themselves for the better. He gave away his money. He'd heal combatants. He took pity on the downtrodden. I loved that. I thought, "He's dragon Jesus!"

Over the course of the campaign, my dm introduced NPCs that were also followers of, or even closer to, Bahamut. And in our version of the game, the Gods are pretty standoffish. Clerics and divine intervention are rare. The Gods haven't been around for a while. But my character grew up in the biggest, oldest temple of Bahamut (who doesn't even really like being worshiped and doesn't need big temples... i'm telling you. dragon jesus.) which was full of the oldest and most "accurate" texts based on Bahamut's philosophies. And these NPCs kept being wrong. They would say or explain things that directly went against what I understood to be what Bahamut would actually want. And so, my sweet, soft spoken, loving dragonborn ended up talking back to these people. They met an adult dragon for who all we knew had met Bahamut before. And my character said, no. You're wrong about him.

For all I knew, this was the DM's actual interpretation of what Bahamut would want. We'd discussed it before, and he'd pointed out that he's a god of Life, but also Justice, and War. I tried to explain that justice doesn't mean killing or imprisoning. And I straight up said War did not fit with any description of him as a character--the only War there was against his sister, who is an embodiment of evil. And like... I get it. But my character ended up being right in the end. He met Bahamut, and he was blessed as his chosen. I was right.

So, I've been thinking about this recently. Was it actually difficult for me to develop and play a character who has blind faith for a God that hasn't spoken to anyone in multiple lifetimes? Well, no. Because it wasn't about the God. It was about the philosophy. It was about believing in a way of life, full of charity, and love, and justice, and anti-evil. It ended up not being about believing that the God will fix everything, or that he was even there, but that he had these ideas about helping people and being humble. And that's what my dragonborn upheld.

It's my main issue with religion, Christianity mostly but not exclusively. I'm sure I don't have to go into the specifics. But to me, I never felt that divine connection. It never made sense to think anyone could hear me when I prayed. And what was praying, anyway? Asking whatever God to help with the world? Whenever I saw help being done, it was people. People who believed that, when they had the ability to, that they could help.

This is all to say that sometimes you think you're setting yourself up to try to something out of your comfort zone only to play out exactly what you've had problems with expressing your entire life.

[thedeepwinter]

Letter 010

 23.0103 | Parañaque, PHL

Dear Ciel,

Let me tell you a story of a magnificent woman this world ought to learn from.

Born as the eldest of 12 siblings. She lived her childhood days with a silver-spoon. Their house was built beside the bay, with a back balcony stairs that will give your feet the soft warmth of the sand as you view the glistening horizon in front of you. She grew up full of grace, as her mom taught her everything there is to know for a proper lady especially as the eldest. Naturally, her siblings adored her, relied on her, for her warmth that radiates just as the sun grows on you even if it blinds you. However, she likely adored her father as she followed his shadow even as she grew up as a lady working for her father's company as a treasurer.

One day, at church, her eyes met with a lad her age. He had this soft curls that she thought almost contrast his sharp look and stern persona. He wasn't friendly entirely, he appears as someone who'd start a fight just because. But, those curls, and how his smile seemed more gentle than the dew drops after a summer rain, something about these characteristics of his gave just enough charm for her to be captivated so much so she sought to remember his name.

The next time they saw each other, was on a lazy afternoon, when the sisters coaxed her into dipping into the ocean for a change of scenery from all her house-lessons. She rarely went out, so her skin gave the palest porcelain glow in contrast from her full velvet blue swimsuit. And there he was once again, the times they both stole shy glances from one another, she could not count but the memory has burned at the back of her mind.

When a time came he visited her at her home, they have long been acquainted with each other that even her youngest sister felt almost close as family to him as well to be lingering around where the two would stay and talk. At some point, the young lad thought the little one had slipped away, he took the chance to kiss the eldest on her cheek. But even before the lady could react, the youngest started announcing to the whole family household what had happened, "he kissed her! He kissed manay!", running around like a siren, shouting the sweetest tease.

Well, my dear, Ciel. In those days, the tradition follows an almost ridiculous belief about a kiss even if it was an accident or a joke. And they followed that, they went ahead and got married. But you see, their fairytale had its twists and turns. There's a reason why I haven't written it down. I wanted to be as accurate as I can, with no other distractions pending to derail me. Like now.

I would love to tell you more about them. One night, Sky mentioned how he grew up with his parents reading him bedtime stories. I wondered why it wasn't like that in my household, and partially I blamed how my parents were never exactly there to have the time to read.

Then, I remembered. Although that's the case, growing up with Ma and Pa, they didn't read us bedtime stories either. Considering the number of blackouts, whenever the kerosene lamps where lit up, my siblings and I would start fixing up the mosquito nets on our beds, one twin-size beside another queen-size bed. The five of us would fit there, from left to right, it would be Ate Khy, Papa, me, Mama, and Toto. Oh, the sixth one would be Potchi slowly circling until she settles in a curled bun beside my feet away from Mama so she won't be let out of the bed. When we're complete, that's when the stories begin.

Our topics would be... From the adventures Papa had at the sea, or about the new project around the house. In Mama's case, she loved telling stories about Mommy when she was our age. If not, it would be their love story, how they met, found love, and stayed in love. Or stories of other family relatives, her siblings or Papa's siblings. Our version of bedtime stories were never about dragons or princesses. They were filled with real-life passion, growth, reverence, faith. I guess, there'd be moments Papa would tell us about ghostly-encounters or he'd share one of his favorite daily quips. But most of their stories breathed air, ran blood; theirs had a heart.

That's what I am hoping to pass on to you, dear child. Just as Mama had lost no second to remind us of ––– our beating hearts, and its capability to love and feel everything. And as powerful as a heartbeat, as resilient as hers, and as gentle as her kind of warmth. May you choose to love despite. Never because, or out of pity even. May you recognize love when you've laid eyes on them. Let's both not let the frost devour our hearts to surrender and be preserved for eternity's liberty to decay. 

Allow your heart to break for what breaks His. It's the only kind of pain that will teach you to be humble in a certain way so you'd understand better. There is a certain grace in feeling pain, dear child. We feel not to let it consume us, nor to delude ourselves that eventually the feeling will change on its own. My child, I'm sorry it doesn't work that way.

Just as what I told Sky, eventually, we will all need to mourn and grieve our loss. Not so we can wallow in our own regrets. Not to search for a way to forget. There's a reason why others call it a day of remembrance. We try to remember how they lived amongst us. We share the laughter, the pieces of warmth they left behind. I wish we lived in that culture. I think I understand why Sky prefers the living to celebrate instead of grieving. Like welcoming of a birth of a child. But for me, I couldn't agree that death meant I have to say goodbye. In a way, I find it difficult to find an ounce of energy to celebrate parting. 

I pray, as much as my heart remembers, as my mind slips a clip or two, images of our memories inside that house... I pray He'd let me pass it on to you as you create an image of your own. May you carry a piece of her light with you, dearest Ciel. As for me, I'll try to retrace her footsteps as much as I can. Her steps that kept leading back to him, and through time to Him. I will try to listen to her advice. I will not let it turn to stone, not again. I will continue walking with Him until He leads me to him if that is indeed His will, just as she had long placed her faith on. Their love will continue to live on through me, as I live and breathe.

May you learn love like the one this blessed couple built and cherished together, Ciel.

Yours truly,

M

[sunskyjunkies]

Gta 7 trailer official 2014

The trilogy is initially coming to PlayStation 5, Xbox Series X/S, Nintendo Switch, PlayStation 4, Xbox One, and PC via the Rockstar Games Launcher. The three remasters included – GTA 3, GTA: Vice City, and GTA: San Andreas – have been created for modern platforms in Unreal Engine by Grove Street Games, which previously worked on the mobile ports for GTA 3, Vice City, and San Andreas, as well as the PS3 and 360 versions of the latter. The news comes alongside a first look at the updated versions of the three classic games. Months and months I’ve been shitting in comment sections and said that we should not expect big improvements in the graphics and that in the end of the day it will be a lazy half-assed port of the PC version and this version will just be made for the sake of attracting more people to GTA Online.Rockstar has announced that Grand Theft Auto: The Trilogy – The Definitive Edition will be released digitally on November 11, with physical releases to follow on December 7. You know what's even funnier? I was saying all it's going to be is a 4K 60 FPS upgrade, but we still don't know if that's going to be the case still. Rockstar sells GTA 5 and sharkcards no matter how outdated the graphics become. The same argument these blinded people have been touting as the reason for the ever grandeur "E&E" (the second coming of Jesus Christ), can be used against them. It made absolutely NO SENSE for Rockstar to bother developing GTA 5 any more than they have already. But when journalists blew rumors out of proportions to get clicks on their articles, too many people on this sub jumped on the bandwagon and started chanting these rumors as facts. We all knew that Rockstar has never confirmed anything. But these E&E threads are all rumors with people insulting anyone that disagreed. For me, it's the most entertaining part of this sub, in fact. I didn't shit on people that had their own speculations and wishlist for GTA 6. This wasn't a "wishlist" or "speculations" kind of thing. I think it's about time we stop placing so much faith in these companies and find some smaller scope games and devs that can provide our gaming needs. Simply look at CDPR for an example of how selling to consumer expectations without being able to back it up completely decimates a company. In the coming years, we either witness a revolution in how games are developed, or these development giants once thought to be too big to fall- will finally fall.

Now our expectations are so through the roof, that inevitably a good game using traditional development methods will never outpace the groundbreaking tech of electronics. A decade ago, our expectations were blown away.

We've witnessed a mind-boggling exponential increase in what games are capable over the course of our lives. And the larger the scope of the game, the more room for error, therefore infinitely more Q/C testing is necesscary. The simple fact is, development tasks that once took hours or a couple days to complete now take weeks or even months to nail down properly. I believe what we've seen happen through Rockstar and Bethesda over the past 10 years is an inevitable trend that is essentially unavoidable unless the manpower behind projects increases tenfold or AI algorithms begin being implemented to development.

[thelostarchangel]

What exactly is your definition of Satanism?

An excellent question! One that is quite difficult to answer, really. Satanism, in my eyes, is a category of religion and spirituality, centered around the figure of Lucifer/Satan/the Devil, or another, similar figure - be it another figure from Abrahamic tradition, such as Azazel or (somewhat controversially, due to Jewish claims of cultural appropriation), Lilith, or be it a figure from a polytheistic pantheon which has archetypal similarities to the Satanic archetype, such as Set, Loki, Prometheus, Pan or even Quetzalcoatl. Followers of such deities in the latter case are not necessarily Satanic, but they can be, and these deities can be approached and analyzed through a Satanic lens. Satanism comes in a myriad of varieties. To start things off, there is theistic Satanism, in which these Satanic entities (for theistic Satanists often venerate more than just the Devil, instead turning to other demons or deities as well) are seen as actual beings, able to be communed with. Often, they are seen as guides and mentors to be turned to for advise, and to be given respect, but not blind worship and adoration as one would do with a deity in most contexts, but this varies from case to case, with various practitioners holding different perspectives on this, and with it often varying from entity to entity as well. Theistic Satanists are often independent, individual practitioners, organizing with others from time to time to exchange ideas and perspectives, but otherwise not involved in an organized, religious structure. Their practice is typically deeply occult-oriented, with the practice of magic being a key component of their Satanism. Then, there is also atheistic Satanism. These individuals view Satan as an archetype and symbol, not as an actual entity. While they may practice magic and engage in occultism, this isn't always the case either. They are more likely to organize into official religious groups than theistic Satanists tend to be, and the two most famous Satanic organizations - namely, Anton LaVey's "Church of Satan", and Lucien Greaves "The Satanic Temple", fall into this category. While TST portrays itself as socially progressive, in contrast to CoS's more right-wing 'libertarian' leanings and claims of being apolitical, they in fact have plenty of skeletons in their closet, and fall into many of the same trappings that most if not all organized religions do. @queersatanic are the ideal people to turn to if you want to know more about the many messed up things TST has gotten up to over the years. Despite claims made by the Church of Satan to the contrary, there is no centralized, "official", Satanic doctrine. In my eyes, all these interpretations of the Satanic are valid in their own way, and I reject the idea of there being an official dogma within Satanism. It is, and ought to be, a "find your own path"- kind of faith. That said: There are also some "Satanic" groups that step beyond the acceptable. For example, "Joy of Satan" is a neo-nazi group, preaching antisemitism and white supremacy, and using the veneer of Satanism to draw in a new audience for their hatred. I would not consider them to be a genuine form of Satanism, due to the fact that I strongly suspect their "satanism" is in fact pure opportunism for the most part, instead of rooted in any actual convictions. In addition, in my eyes, Satanism as a faith is deeply rooted in the ideal of justified rebellion against unjustified authority. Given how fascism is the polar opposite of this, any Satanism which gives room to fascism is fundamentally at odds with my personal interpretation of the Satanic. I myself, personally, view Lucifer as the ur-anarchist, and by this point must confess to myself that I view him and other Satanic figures primarily as archetypes and symbols, not actual entities. ... And thus concludes my overly long ramble. I hope that answers the question?

[pajulie]

We have to start having serious discussions on white supremacy in Norse (and not) pagan spaces.

I am going to start with a TW: white supremacy and depictions of white supremacist symbolism. Also, I focus on Norse paganism and The United States here because i am a Norse pagan and it is what I know best of, but feel free to provide your own insight.

I am in an inclusive Norse Pagan discord and we recently have been discussing the importance of bringing to light the origins of Norse Paganism in America and it’s ties to white supremacy. This is something that i rarely see actually addressed other than that it exists and the sentiment that we “not racist practitioners” could never be a part of it because all white supremacy in Norse pagan spaces is the outright nazis who co-opt the religion. My question those who say this is this. How many of you are aware that the first Norse pagan groups in the United States were directly and overtly tied to white supremacy? Like be honest. Most of us know that there are WS groups like the AFA, we know that many alt-rights militia use “Norse imagery”, and that groups who call themselves Odinists are dog whistles. But, why do we never address the elephant in the room and how to combat it? We act like Norse paganism in America is being co-opted by Nazis when the reality is much more complicated. We as Norse pagans have to start addressing this more directly and educating OURSELVES and others.

I am going to show a picture of the section divider pages in a very popular pagan prayer book. Maybe the most popular pagan prayer book.

This is the display page in the green edition of the Book of Pagan Prayer by Ceisiwr Serith. An otherwise well organized multi faith prayer book is using a black sun as it’s background. There is no pagan symbol that predates the Nazis’ usage of the black sun. It was created by Nazis most likely as some part of their bs esotericism. Why is it here in this book? Why do i constantly see Nazi bullshit in pagan books? Why do we constantly turn a blind eye? Though this example is not a book solely for Norse paganism I can think of about 10 Norse pagan books off the top of my head that use racist imagery or rhetoric knowingly or unknowingly.

It is irresponsible to be a pagan who practices from a Western European tradition and not know about racist symbolism and white supremacy’s influence on and perversion of your tradition. And I think I am putting that very nicely. There is a vast difference between using symbols co-opted by the American (and just anywheres ws) alt-right and explaining how they were not always connected to WS (ex: people wearing mjolnir pendants, using the Othala rune, etc.) and using symbolism and rhetoric created by white supremacists and either ignoring or being ignorant to their history and implications. If you want to fight against white supremacy in pagan spaces you cannot be lazy. You must do your research and you must be vocal about it. White supremacists are not as small of a group in Norse paganism (or paganism in general) as we would like to think. It is loud, it is pervasive, and it is growing. You cannot fight that by minding your own business and being quiet. And you can’t just say you follow the faith and keep it out of politics. Religion in general tries to be apolitical but it just can’t be. Norse paganism especially cannot be.

This problem is something that has made me question and wrestle with my faith to the point of almost walking away entirely multiple times. I even hesitate to call myself a Norse pagan because of it still. I think ultimately, it is a hard truth that we don’t want to look at because it means questioning your faith and yourself. It means changing your faith and traditions and critically reflecting on your own biases. But it must be done. We have to talk about it. The organizing of American Norse paganism started as a white supremacist movement. Point blank period. That means a large portion of information dispersed and ideology were created by white supremacists. How do we reconcile with that? What do we do about that? What is our job as Norse pagans against white supremacy to combat that? I urge you to think about these things. We need more education and we need more voices. We need to be willing to divert from “tradition” and create our own. Many of us intend to be reconstructionist but the reality is much of that reconstruction was written by racists in the 70s. We know very little about the historical reality of our faith. We gotta do better y’all.

If you are interested i can give some resources on the history of Heathenry, Asatru, and Norse paganism in America. Obviously I’m not a genius and i might’ve made mistakes so please feel free to politely add or counter my thoughts!

[retroyousei]

Female characters in retro shojo [70s edition, part 2]

In this series, the female characters in 70s shojo are being analysed. In part one, three of the most common types were examined; the “average” protagonists, the villains and the tomboys. In this article, other three very common types are being discussed.

The westerners innocent blondies

They are either orphans who just want to find a place to belong, princesses who dream about falling in love, or normal girls who always knew that they weren’t where they meant to be and they somehow discover that they are royalty or from a noble family. Either way, they are lively, innocent, but naive, so sometimes they may be betrayed or belittled, but they have a kind heart that knows how to forgive and have faith on people, so they make friends easily. Many times they are portrayed as Tomboys who love the nature and sometimes they get into trouble accidentally. They may seem helpless and dense sometimes, but despite all of this, they are actually very independent, as they may travel to the other side of the world all alone if they have to (they will make new friends wherever they go anyway) and if they need to, they can kick some serious ass too. But their most precious weapon is their inner strength to move forward, no matter what.

In “Candy Candy” Candy, is an orphan girl who goes through so many hardships. At first, her best friend Annie gets adopted, leaving her behind, but her troubles had just begun. She gets adopted by a rich family to keep company to their daughter, named Elisa who is the one who, along with her brother will constantly try to make her life miserable, firstly when she was staying at their house, then in the private school in England and afterwards when she was working as a nurse. But Candy makes many friends and has many allies and with her inner strength and lust for life, she overcomes all the obstacles that she faces. But that doesn’t mean that she doesn’t lose some of her dearest friends along the way. As she grows up she learns the hardships of life, but all those obstacles makes her only stronger and she never loses her hope for a better tomorrow.

In “the Rose of Versailles” we see Marie Antoinette evolving from an innocent and silly girl, to an irresponsible young woman, to a sorrowful, regretful, but determined queen. In the first volumes, she was still a child who just wanted to have fun and didn’t care about homework, traditions and preparations for being a queen. Later, during her first years as a queen she was portrayed as a naive person who didn’t make the right choices. Also, her friendship with Countess de polignag was a bad influence for her as she goaded her into gambling. But she was also well intensioned and just wanted her loved ones to be happy. Oscar always tried to be her voice of reason, but it wasn’t enough. Later it was more and more clear that she was spending her country’s money in clothes, gardening and building the petit Trianon to be with her inner circle, because she wanted to fill the void of being a woman who cannot be with her beloved. In the end, during the time that she was captured, before her decapitation, she surprisingly matured, realised what she had done all those years and wanted to make things right, but it was too late. Her final thoughts was about her family, Fersen and Oscar and she was proud and composured until her last breath. Throughout the story she was portrayed as an innocent woman who was sacrificed for the sake of politics.

In “Alpen Rose” Jeudi is an amnesiac girl who lives in Alpes with a boy named Lundi. She works as a nurse and has a quiet life, until a French nobleman captures her. Luckily she is very clever and with Lundi’s help they get away. And that’s how their journey towards finding Jeudi’s parents start. Along the way, Jeudi befriends many people, like a little girl with his brother and his girlfriend, a journalist who helps her a lot, a young couple and a mysterious musician named Leonard Aschenbach. Jeudi is different from other characters in this particular category because of her wit and courage. She also has a strong sense of justice and in matters of life and death, such as hiding from the nazis in the trains, planning traps for them and solving mysteries with the information that she gathers with the help of her friends, she succeeds. She also cares about the others and tries to see the good side in everyone. When she finally found her mother, she was asked from her grandparents to pretend that she wasn’t her daughter, because she was blind and in a fragile state, besides there was another girl who resembled Alicia (Jeudi’s real name) a lot. She had patience and it was repaid in the end.

Rosalie from “Rose of Versailles” was a poor girl who lived with her mother and her sister Joanne and she just wanted for others to be healthy and was happy with the simplest of things, like being able to buy bread and helping other children in the neighborhood who can’t afford to eat anything. When her mother is killed by Polignag who was in fact her birth mother, she is devastated and swears that she is going to get revenge from the nobles who don’t care about anyone else. When she befriends Oscar and Andre and stays at Jerjeyes household, she learns fencing, manners, horseriding and and history, to make her debut in Versailles. There, she meets the woman who killed her mother, her sister who suicides because of Polignag and managed to get away from her. She also felt disappointed with her other sister, Jeanne who betrayed her, but she was sad when she was killed. Later she meets and falls in love with Bernard, a friend of Oscar and they get married. As the years passed by, she evolved from a stereotypical nice girl, into an accomplished woman who can protect herself and the others. By the end of the story she was pretty much the only one from the main characters who stayed alive.

There are many other characters who fit this image, such as Georgie from “Lady Georgie”, who lived in Australia with a family that wasn’t hers and after meeting an English noble young man, Lowel, they fall in love, so she decides to follow him in England where she makes new friends, faces many enemies and also finds out about her real family. Lynn from “Lady Lady” travels to England to live with her father and her step sister and there she faces her evil step mother and her children, but she also finds many allies too.

Note: “Anne of green gables” was and still is popular in Japan, because of Anne’s passion for freedom and expression, the book’s “pastel” aesthetic, so Anne’s imagination and strength despite being an orphan, might have inspired those characters.

The worthy rivals

Those ladies tend to have what the main heroine lacks and they serve as her opposite. They tend to be considered prettier than the main characters and that circumstances are easier for them, something that isn’t true. They also appear to be elegant and refined, on oppose to the heroine who is more clumsy and tomboyish. They are usually more practical, down to earth and skilful than the main heroine, causing her to feel inferior to them. They may start off as the snobbish girls who look down on her and don’t take her seriously, due to her clumsiness and her easy going attitude towards work, but as the time goes by, they realise her real talent and her worth, causing them to consider her as a worthy opponent and expect great things from her. They may appear as almost perfect at everything they do, but the truth is that they are also insecure and they are having other types of problems, such as finding it very difficult to make friends, due to their cold nature, as they always appear antagonistic and determined to win. But as time goes by they may change their attitude with the help of the heroine, or better, with their own realisation.

Ayumi from “Glass Mask” is the greatest example of this. She is the daughter of a famous actress and a famous director and she was always on spotlight ever since she was a kid. She is beautiful, refined, elegant and admired by everyone, also considered to be a genius, as she excels at acting techniques, dancing and reciting. Her family environment helped her to pursue a successful career as an actress. But that doesn’t mean that she is rest assured as she always seeks to exceed her parents’ talent, so that people will see her as her and not as a daughter of famous parents. She also stated that no one truly knows how hard she worked in order to reach her current level. And that hard work was something that she succeeded on her own. When she encountered Maya for the first time and faced her on the stage, even though she (Ayumi) was better than her, she felt as though she was defeated. From that moment, even though it seemed like Ayumi had everything and Maya had nothing, Ayumi always thought that Maya had something that she lacked; a deep understanding of the characters that she portrays. Ayumi may excel at the techniques of acting, but she never manages to portray the true depth of emotion of each character. Her portraits of characters are accurate and true to the play, but Maya’s are refreshing and original. Even when it’s clear that she is way ahead of Maya, she always walks off stage with the feeling that she was defeated. As a rival, she is also very fair and she likes to unlimitedly challenge Maya in many ways. Of course, as the story progresses, Ayumi’s talent evolves and she becomes more open as a person.

In “Candy Candy”, Flanny is a girl who works as a nurse in the same hospital with Candy. She is the best of the nurses there, as she’s always on time, always knows what to do, is very practical and smart, yet she is rather cold and distant towards others. She only cares to get things done, that’s why she is often annoyed by Candy’s bubbly nature. What’s more, as soon as she learns that Candy is an Ardley, she assumes that she only works out of boredom, contrary to her, who she has to support her poor family. She even goes at the front, to work as a nurse and support the soldiers there. Candy respects her for that this and she visits Flanny’s family to inform them about her decision, as her own relationship with them is bad, as she only sends them her monthly allowance and they never seem to appreciate her hard work. Her and Candy make an interesting dynamic and many stated that both of them make the perfect nurse, with Candy’s gentle and caring personality and Flanny’s practical skills. At the end, both of them learned from one another.

In “Swan”, Sayoko is a refined woman who loved ballet ever since she was a child. But when she meets Masumi for the first time, she starts being insecure about herself and afraid that she will overshadow her, as she’s younger than her with a bright future, whereas she had a night of glory as a prima ballerina, but after an accident she needs to learn how to dance again. But she still feels sympathy for her, besides they both shared their love for ballet, thus a rivalry begins.

In “Aim For The Ace” Reika is the best player on the tennis team and so her nickname is “Madame Butterfly”, due to her grace in the field. Hiromi is fascinated by her and even though at first Reika isn’t impressed by her, later she appreciates her skills and thus a friendship begins.

The “damsel in distress” love antagonists

They are fragile, sweet and pretty, that’s for sure. They are either the daughters of an important family which aspires to marry them with the love interest, thus expand their power, or they are someone who because of some circumstances, grew closer to the love interest, before the main character even could or when she was separated from him for various reasons. Nevertheless, they are in a better social situation from the heroine. Their character arc usually begins at some crucial point of the plot, which is halfway through the story, when the main character and the love interest’s relationship have had already developed, but had not quite bloomed yet. They are considered to be innocent and kind, contradictory to the main character who is much more spontaneous, causing trouble to other sometimes. As expected, they slowly fall in love with the main love interest, in some cases before the main character even realises that she loves him. Either way, those characters add an extra dose of melodrama and constitute to the story, sometimes a little bit, some others a lot to a point of changing it.

Shiori from “Glass Mask” is an interesting case. She is a lady from a wealthy family, so she’s elegant and accomplished. She’s also very pretty, but fragile, as she suffers from anemia and many times she passes out. At first, she’s sympathetic, as she goes out with Masumi and starts falling for him, even though Masumi loves Maya. But as the story progresses, looking at the way Masumi talks to her (Maya), she starts to suspect that he likes her. Slowly but steadily, she evolves into a manipulative woman, who uses her weak health to keep him close. She sees Maya as a threat and she goes out of her way to make her seem like a bad person in front of Masumi. When he learns about all of this, he breaks up with her, but afterwards, Shiori attempts suicide and passes out. When she recovers, she loses almost all of her sense and she goes mad. She’s hospitalised in her room, where she barely speaks and sometimes she growls Maya’s name, rips apart her pictures in magazines and orders bouquets of purple roses to rip them too. At this point of the story, her parents don’t allow him to break their engagement, until their daughter recovers, leaving him responsible for her. In conclusion, Shiori evolves from a sympathetic woman, to a pathetic creature who’s adrift to its feelings.

Susanna from “Candy Candy” is a young talented actress, with a good heart, who works at the same theater company with Terry. During the time of their troupe’s performances in Chicago, she starts falling for him. Seeing that Terry’s heart is set on elsewhere she tries to keep him distant from Candy. Later on, in New York, during a rehearsal, the spotlight that was above of Terry, was ready to fall, so Susanna ran and pushed him away to save him, but the spotlight fell down before she could walk away from it. In the hospital, the troupe learns that she’s alive and healthy, but unfortunately the doctors were unable to save her legs and were forced to amputate them, meaning that her career as an actress was over. Terry took the responsibility, having a strong sense of duty and being pressured by Susanna’s mother. When Candy arrived to New York and see his play, she learned about it soon. Before she even fathom the news, she ran to catch up to Susanna, to save her from a balcony, before she could jump, trying to suicide, to free Terry and let him be with the one he loved. Candy manages to save her and decides to leave them be. So Terry chose to stay with Susanna to take care of her.

Lalissa from “Haikara-San Ga Toru” is a character that appears in the second half of the story. She’s a Russian noble, who arrived to Tokyo with her husband, who is in fact not her real one, but he’s Shinobu who suffers from amnesia after the war and believes that he’s married to her. Lalissa is elegant and quiet, but sad and the truth is that she had lost her real husband, that’s why she wants Shinobu near her, due to his resemblance to him. Benio, who’s Shinobu’s sweetheart, believing that he was dead, was shocked when she saw them together. But due to the circumstances and the fact that Lalissa suffers from tuberculosis, Benio decides to give up on him. But when the Kanto earthquake stroke, Lalissa was severely injured and ready to die, whereas Shinobu regained his memory and she told him to marry Benio and be happy.

Another mention, is Marie from “Alpen Rose” who liked Lundi and that was the reason that she miraculously stood up from her wheelchair to help him, although it’s clear that he likes Jeudi.

[queerprayers]

can i ask you how you deal with reading something in the Bible you really disagree with? i’m not Christian, but every time i feel drawn to Christianity/God and want to learn more, some teachings in the Bible make me nope out. i really struggle with the idea that women should be submissive to their husbands for instance. i’d have no problem if we could read the Bible in its historical context, but so many Christians believe the Bible is the pure word of God and disagreeing/disobeying a part of it is a sin. i’d love to know how you act if/when you disagree with the Bible!

Hello, hello, beloved! I love this question and it's definitely something that I've had to think and research and pray and live about!

First of all, if what you need is permission to be a Christian and interpret the Bible in its historical context, here you go. Here's boatloads of permission because that is a needed and necessary and holy perspective. I would also point out that believing the Bible is the word of God and putting it in context is not a contradiction, but the work of being a Christian.

Here's my perspective: there are problems we have with the actual text and problems we have with interpretation, and it can be hard to tell the difference sometimes. The majority of times, I explore different interpretations and realize that my problem was with the way people read it, not the way it was written. But of course there are times where I just cannot understand any context in which it would be acceptable—slavery for instance, or the submission of women.

I do believe the Bible is the word of God, but I would not call disagreeing with/having a problem with part of the Bible as a sin. This is something I've learned from studying Jewish interpretations—conversing with and dissecting text is holy. Modern Christians (especially in America) have really destroyed that tradition of interacting with the Word, and it's really such a loss. They treat it as a pure, literal, perfect text, perfectly translated and having only one true interpretation. In reality, it is a messy, almost haphazard collection of texts, translated countless times and having as many interpretations as people who have read it.

In terms of "disobeying" the Bible, I think that can have a lot of meanings, and some are more helpful than others. No human "obeys" the Bible, for the simple reasons that it is not a rulebook, and that it contradicts itself. There are rulebooks in the Bible, like Leviticus (I could talk about those all day), which were rules for a specific group of people at a specific time, but the Bible as we have it now is not something to be obeyed. There are commands that I do think modern Christians should pay attention to, like Jesus's words, but it's a lot more complicated than following them/not following them, and overall I think the Bible deserves more thought than blind obedience.

Approaching the Bible as a story, an account of being human and struggling with faith, is the best way I know how. It's not a rule manual, it's not a literal history, it's not magical. It's many authors over centuries struggling and sometimes shouting at God to Do Something and experiencing miracles and death alike and doing good and evil both and telling their stories so that future generations would have something to hold on to when we think we're alone because we're not. I think the Spirit was with the Bible's authors as they wrote, and I believe that God meant us to have the Bible. But that doesn't contradict anything I'm saying—God gave us brains, to question and interpret and learn the context.

I know everyone says "take verses in context," but it really does change everything. 1 Corinthians 7:4, for instance, begins with, "The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband." This, taken by itself, is horrific. It takes away bodily autonomy and has been used to justify abuse. But we keep reading: "In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife." In the same way—this is a mutual, equal situation of giving yourself to the one you love. In the 21st century, we might have written it differently, emphasizing modern values of bodily autonomy and choice, but Paul is giving us a gift nonetheless. And ignoring the verse completely isn't the answer.

Another thing I keep in mind is that human history did not end with Revelation. After all the books of the Bible were written, people kept living and growing and changing. Recognizing that the Christian religion has changed in a couple thousand years is pretty obvious. The fact that we are still learning about healthy relationships and how to value people's human rights and how best to honor God in our lives is clear when we look around us. We do know more about healthy relationships and gender and human rights than the writers of the Bible, and we do have different specific values than them! This is (in most cases) a good thing! What hasn't changed is people trying and telling stories and loving each other and striving to find God. This is what we hold onto.

Any emotions that come up while having a dialogue with the Bible—disgust, anger, confusion—are part of being human, and they mean we're being honest with ourselves. This is not easy work, but it is not work we have to (or can, or should) do alone.

The Women's Bible Commentary gave me a whole new way to read the Bible, and I cannot recommend it enough. The Bible Project and Queer Theology are both great. Rachel Held Evans is life-changing. You are not alone in your emotions and place in life, and you have so much beautiful time to read and learn and converse with texts and people and God.

<3 Johanna