#for a brief moment (read: almost the whole first school year) i was working 30 hrs a week and doing grad school

[areweevercameraready]

fitting that my post announcing that i was going to come back to this in scattered and disorganized ways was accidentally posted to the wrong fucking blog

[fruitcoops]

could you possibly write something about Sirius & remus dating and remus feeling bad that Sirius keeps paying (since obviously he's big deal NHLer v trainer)

Oof, yes. This was combined with asks for some Coops hurt/comfort where one doesn't want to talk, as well as an argument. SW credit goes to @lumosinlove!

TW for wealth insecurity, small argument (not a blowout)

Grocery shopping had never been Remus’ favorite thing in the world, but he had to admit it was a lot more fun when everything came with the thrilling reminder that he was living with the love of his life. He got to learn Sirius’ preferences on everything from candles (softer scents, or something woodsy) to towels (as fluffy as humanly possible) and filed every detail away in the little pocket of his brain entirely dedicated to the beautiful man that could reach the top shelves.

“What’s next?” he asked an hour into their latest Target excursion.

Sirius tilted his phone to show the screen. “Sheets.”

“I still can’t believe you had a hole in those and didn’t notice,” Remus said with a shake of his head.

“How do you know it wasn’t your fault?” Sirius countered with a playful quirk of his eyebrow.

“I’m not the one that runs marathons in my sleep,” Remus laughed, standing on his toes to kiss his stubbly cheek. “Oof. Prickly.”

Sirius scrunched his nose. “You like it.”

“Hmm. Perhaps.”

“Perhaps,” he mimicked, bumping Remus’ hip with his own. “What kind do you want?”

Remus shrugged one shoulder as they turned down the next aisle, scanning the shelves of plastic-wrapped packages in a million different patterns. “I like the look of the white ones, but grey or blue could be nice. You?”

“As long as they’re soft and have you in them, I don’t care.”

“Sap,” he teased, though he was unable to fight the blush racing hot up his neck. Sirius didn’t protest; his small, smug smile needed no explanation. Remus pushed the cart slowly down the aisle, making note of the price tags as he went. Sheets were always an expense—not as bad as blankets or, god forbid, a new mattress, but an expense all the same. He had managed to keep his last ones in good condition for almost ten years before they wore out.

The $30 set doesn’t look too bad, but that’s a weird color…Sirius hates microfiber…I’d rather not sleep on puppy print…getting laid on a 1970s paisley pattern would kill me instantly… “How about these?”

He startled and glanced down the aisle, where Sirius was holding a set in faint gray. An unbidden grin pulled at the side of his mouth. “The softest of the bunch, huh?”

“Of course,” Sirius laughed. “Come feel, it’s like heaven.”

Remus pushed off and hopped up on the undercarriage, riding the cart all the way until he reached Sirius’ side; his hand was halfway to the exposed block of fabric when he froze. $186.99, read the price tag below the stack of sheets in varying colors. Almost $200, and the only difference was the softness. “I…” he faltered slightly, looking between Sirius and the sheets for a moment.

“Do you not like them?”

“No, I do,” Remus said as his mind whirred. He had never spent more than a hundred dollars on sheets before. It wasn’t wildly out his budget, especially once he started working with the Lions, but he had always been careful with money. Sirius…Sirius had never had to do that. Never in his life.

“Is it the color? Because they have white ones—”

“It’s 200 dollars,” he almost laughed. Sirius fell quiet in obvious confusion as Remus turned to look at him. “Sirius, those sheets are 200 dollars.”

“Yes?”

“There’s—” Remus broke off again; something a little too much like shame for his liking crawled up his throat. “I—sure, yeah, if you like them.”

“It’s not about what Ilike,” Sirius continued, as if he couldn’t see the discomfort tensing every one of Remus’ muscles. “It’s our bed. I don’t want to get sheets you hate.”

“No, no, they’re nice.” Too nice. Remus forced a smile. “I like them.”

Sirius looked at him for a moment. “Which ones do you prefer?”

The ones that don’t cost the same as my monthly food budget. “Uh, the color threw me off at first,” he said. “The blue ones are better.”

The crease between Sirius’ brows eased by a degree and he kissed Remus’ jaw gently, then switched the sets. “D’accord, mon loup. Whatever makes you happy.”

Remus was as quiet as he could be without arousing suspicion for the rest of the trip. Sirius paid for their things—like always, Remus realized with a turn of his stomach—and helped him carry the bags to the car without another word about the sheets.

He stayed quiet the whole way home.

The shame mounted as they drove. It seemed everything was a sudden, unwelcome reminder of just how different he and Sirius were. Sirius’ family had a chef during his childhood—Remus made himself PB&Js every morning for the entirety of middle school. Sirius had a brand-new car—Remus had never had cause to justify that over public transportation and Uber. It was embarrassing, and Sirius’ unintentional thoughtlessness was more frustrating than he thought it would be.

He didn’t say anything as they pulled up to the house and unloaded their shopping bags; his shirt and jeans itched his skin like sandpaper. Judging from the look on Sirius’ face, he had picked up on Remus’ frustration, but there was no way Remus was going to get into the root of it while he still felt so twitchy.

Damn you and your emotional intelligence, he thought as he slipped past Sirius’ worried glances and up the stairs to their bedroom. Be oblivious for once and let me get through this.

The bed was stripped bare—their duvet and pillows sat in a heap on top of the mattress. Remus thought back to the first night he had slept there, marveling at the cloudlike support on his achy lower back. He had chalked it up to the pure bliss that came with finally having what he really wanted, but his traitorous brain was starting to convince him it wasn’t the joy that made it seem so nice.

He had never gone without food. His parents always made sure he had clothes that mostly fit and the school supplies he needed. They paid for his hockey gear and the team dues until he was old enough to work part-time and start saving his own money; scholarships had always been of a quiet importance in their house. Things got tighter when Jules was born, but they made it work. Remus would always be grateful for that.

Sirius had never had to think about money in that way. Not once.

Remus sighed through his nose as he pulled his battered Wisconsin hoodie over his head and tightened the drawstring of his sweats, letting the comfort envelop him. “It’s not his fault,” he murmured into the mirror. “Don’t get into your head about this.”

Sirius was in the living room when Remus made his way down the stairs with his hands curled into the worn sleeves of the hoodie. He said nothing while Remus began absently cleaning up the scattered items around their junk bowl, though his gaze prickled the back of his neck.

“Mon loup?” came the soft question after two minutes of tense silence.

“Yeah?” he managed around the tightness in his lungs.

He could practically taste Sirius’ hesitation. “Did I—nevermind. Sorry.”

“What?”

“It’s nothing,” Sirius said again, though he seemed to be folding in on himself. Remus hated seeing him try and take up less space, and hated the idea that he was the one that caused it.

$200. On sheets.

“What’s going on?” Remus asked, leaning back against the countertop.

“No, I just—” Sirius pasted on a smile and cross the room, dropping a tentative kiss to the top of his head as he passed despite the wary look in his eyes. “Just a thought. It’s nothing.”

“You’re upset.”

“No, no, I’m good.”

“Please don’t lie to me.” It came out harsher than intended and Remus winced. “I mean—Sirius, something is obviously bothering you.”

He chewed the inside of his lip for a moment, rubbing his thumbs in small circles over the marble countertop before making brief eye contact. “You’re angry,” he said at last, cautiously. “Are you angry with me?”

“No,” Remus said, then paused. Sirius’ face fell. “Well, I’m a little irritated, but—but it’s stupid, and I shouldn’t be.”

“It’s not stupid.”

Remus swallowed hard at the kicked-puppy look on Sirius’ face. “It is.”

“I’m sorry,” Sirius said.

And that was…honestly, kind of the worst thing he could say. “You don’t get it,” Remus said, staring at the floor. “Sirius, you just spent 200 dollars on sheets.”

If anything, that seemed to upset him more. “You said you liked them.”

“I—” Remus flailed his hand around. “I do! But Jesus, honey, that’s kind of a lot!”

“We both liked the sheets.”

“I don’t know how to tell you that that’s expensive!” he blurted as the words wormed their way out and hung in the air. “Two hundred dollars might be peanuts to you, but that used to be my food budget for the month!”

“Remus—”

“You have never had to budget a day in your life,” he said, quieter. “Your watch probably cost more than a month’s rent for my apartment, you’ve never taken public transportation—”

“Remus—”

“—and you make millions of dollars every year!” He paused, out of breath, and ran a hand through his hair in disbelief. “Millions, Sirius. And—and now that we’re together, that we’re living together, it’s just really apparent in a way that it wasn’t before.”

Sirius’ throat bobbed. “I wish you had told me at the store.”

“It’s not about the sheets,” Remus laughed, because there was nothing else he could do other than cry. “We have entirely different views of how much money is worth. You can pay for things for me and I can’t do the same for you, and that feels like shit.”

An unsettling quiet blanketed the whole first floor as Sirius stayed very, very still, like a small animal caught in a trap. “I don’t know what you want me to say,” he confessed, barely above a whisper. “You’re right. Money is…it’s not something I’ve had to think about, but I like spending it on you.”

“I don’t like being cared for,” Remus forced out around the grate that had been keeping it down. “I don’t like feeling like I can’t support myself, or that I’m a burden on you and especially that I can’t repay that.”

Sirius finally met his eyes, and he looked appalled. “Remus, you’re never a burden.”

“It feels like it.” He was horrified to feel the burn of tears in his eyes. “Sometimes. When—when you buy nice things for me, or we go on nice vacations, or even when you buy groceries for us for the fifth time in a row, it feels like I’m using you for your money.”

“But you’re not.”

“No!” Remus said immediately. “God, no, never. That’s the last thing I want. But I don’t want you to have to change your lifestyle to make it revolve around me, either. I feel like I’m caught in the middle and there’s no good answer.”

Sirius watched him for a moment, the way that always made Remus feel a little bit like a particularly intricate play he was trying to work out. “What did you want to say at the store?”

“I—what?”

“What did you want to say while we were getting the sheets?”

Remus bit his lip in thought. “Those are too expensive, and I think we should get different ones,” he said eventually. “I like the color and the fabric, but I don’t want to spend that much money on sheets when we could do something else with it.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t ask sooner.” The earnest look on Sirius’ face eased some of the bubbling feelings in his chest. “And I’m sorry you didn’t feel like you could tell me.”

“I was embarrassed.”

“…why?”

“Because it’s embarrassing to look at your multi-millionaire boyfriend and say, ‘I can’t afford $200 sheets’, Sirius. It sucks. I feel like I can’t measure up.”

Sirius nodded. “I’ve never judged you for your money, not once. Just for the record. There’s nothing I would rather spend it on than making you happy.”

“I don’t want to be sheltered and provided for.” Remus blinked back the last of the tears and closed his eyes. “I want us to be equals. That’s important to me.”

“Okay.”

“And I don’t know how to fix this right away.”

“I don’t, either.” Warm fingers brushed the back of his hand and he leaned into Sirius without looking. “Can we try and figure it out, though? As a team?”

“Yes, captain,” he snorted, feeling Sirius’ soft huff on the top of his head. They stood silently for a few seconds before Remus let go of his tension with a slow exhale. “I don’t think a joint bank account is a good idea yet, but maybe we can start by alternating who buys groceries? Or something small like that. I don’t want to feel like this anymore, not with you. I love you too much.”

Sirius nuzzled into his hair for a moment before lips pressed against his temple. “How about we start by making the bed?”

The pressure on Remus’ chest eased. Making the bed was easy. They had the exact same method for it, a function of Sirius growing up with a militant mother and Remus’ aunts lovingly terrorizing him into learning how to do hospital corners. It was an olive branch that he could happily accept with a light squeeze around Sirius’ waist. Baby steps, he thought. We’ll deal with the big stuff when we’re better settled. He offered a half-smile to Sirius. “What are we waiting for?”

[boldlyvoid]

Amoreena | Chapter ten

chapter ten

main summary: Heaven is a real place and it's located exactly 14.6 miles away from the FBI, Quantico Headquarters. Off behind a small park, under a fantastical willow tree surrounded by wildflowers, in every colour young minds can imagine.

Don't forget, heaven also comes with angels.

Chapter Warnings: immense amounts of fluff, discussion of bad dreams death and past trauma at the end all related to canon

word count: 5.3K

from the beginning <3

Dreaming wasn’t something that came easily to Spencer. When he did dream they never made any sense, dark and twisting basements, endless staircases, treading a deep dark sea for hours as the waves swallowed him whole. Wind chimes that he couldn’t find wouldn’t stop twinkling as he aimlessly ran around a trailer park. It was never peaceful.

Then his mind found the park and couldn’t stop re-creating it, over and over again in his mind every single night when he closed his eyes.

He was in the middle of the most perfect dreamscape, his girls reading under the sun as Y/N’s head rested on his shoulder…

Then his phone started to ring, opening his eyes to the sun barely waking up as well. He answered the phone before Y/N could wake up beside him, “hello?”

“Spence, I’m so sorry to wake you,” JJ’s voice slipped into his mind and woke up right up, she wouldn’t call unless she needed to. “We have a really bad case, we have to leave like right now and the babysitter can’t take the boys and Henry is still too little to make sure Michael eats during the day and he’s still so little—“

“Hey it’s fine,” he cut her off as he sat up, waking Y/N in the process. “I’m only 12 minutes from Quantico, leave them with Anderson and I’ll be right over.”

“Thank you so much, Spence, oh and they need breakfast, I’ll leave some money with Henry, can you make sure they eat?”

“Absolutely, don’t worry, good luck and be safe,” he reminded her, feeling weird that he didn’t have to go as well.

“Thanks again Spence,” he could hear her smile before hanging up, leaving him to stretch and finally get out of the bed.

“Was that JJ?” Y/N asks, getting out of bed and putting on her housecoat to follow him to the bathroom.

“Yeah, the boys need someone to watch them if you don’t mind?”

“They’re family,” she reminded him with a sleepy smile.

“They need lunches for today, I can drive Amoreena to school with them too?” He’s splashing water on his face so he can wake up enough to drive safely to Quantico, wiping the water from his eyes as he hears Y/N laughing softly.

“It’s Saturday silly, and Monday is their last day anyway if they need to stay that long,” Y/N reminds him, “I’ll try and have breakfast ready when you get back.”

“Tomorrows the 14th, shit,” he remembers his calendar. “I have to take my mom to get her yearly scan and cognitive test done tomorrow morning, I won't be able to send her off on her last day.”

“That’s okay, as long as you’re there for the little graduation and the all about me display ceremony it’ll be fine, it starts at 1:30,” she didn’t mind him missing it but everything in him felt like the worst person ever if he did.

He never wanted to miss anything ever again.

“You’re sure that’s fine?”

She nodded again, wrapping her arms around him and looking up into his beautiful, tired eyes. “Family comes first, that means Diana was in the calendar longer so you go with her. Amoreena just wants to come home with you from school, for the next 10 years of school she’ll be coming home to you.”

“Why don’t we wake Amoreena and go get breakfast with the boys? I’d like to get to know my god kids too…” her voice cooing as she soothed his morning anxiety, blessing him with more time with her, he nodded.

“You go get the boys and come back and pick us up, I’m sure she’ll take a few minutes to contemplate feeding chickens or breakfast,” Y/N smiled, leaning in to kiss his cheek softly.

She pulled away but he pulled her right back in, pressing his lips right against hers again and again until they were both laughing, teeth bumping into each other in their early morning delirium. She finally pulled away from his grasp, rushing to the bedroom door so he couldn’t follow her.

“Go get the boys!”

He fake huffed, “fine!”

Slipping into his jeans and a sweater, placing her grandpa’s hat back on his head once more. He made sure he had his wallet and identification, the guards knew him it’s not like he wouldn’t be allowed into the building with a visitors pass.

And then he was out the door and driving down the road. Pulling into Quantico with a strange feeling in his gut, he didn’t realize how much he hated it here until he didn’t need to be there all the time. He was granted a visitors pass, parking in the garage and taking the elevator right up to the BAU.

He walked into the briefing room to find Henry on his phone and Michael sound asleep again on the couch.

“Hey, uncle Spencer!” Henry cheered, not waking Michael in the process somehow.

“Hey buddy,” he said, scooping the now 13-year-old Henry into his arms for a quick hug. He was still cuddly and sensitive and quiet, much like Spencer at that same age.

It was almost like JJ picked him as the godfather knowing he would need him. Choosing to text or call Spencer about cute girls and chess games and new star wars movies, instead of going to his dad for chats about football and beer… or whatever Will was into. Spencer really didn’t give him a chance to get to know him over the last 15 years, harbouring a hatred for him that he didn’t really understand until he met Y/N.

Now will was the jealous one in a sense, wondering what he could do to get his own son to come to him for advice and support. But he understood it, Henry was exactly like Spencer and he needed to see that being awkward and quiet doesn’t last forever.

“So, I’m not sure if your mom and dad told you, but I got married and my wife has a daughter and we’re going to take you boys out to breakfast, okay?”

“She said you’re Nini’s dad, like for real?” Once again someone from the LaMontagne called Amoreena Nini and he had no idea why.

“I donated sperm when your mom got pregnant with you, I didn’t think I’d get to have a family,” he was honest with him. He was old enough to know how it worked and mature enough to hear the word sperm without freaking out.

“Cool, Nini and Mike are normally friends.”

“Why do you guys call her Nini?”

“Michael couldn’t say Amoreena when he was 4 so he called her Nini, and then Dad would call her that when he teased Mike about his crush on her,” it made complete sense for a kid to not be able to pronounce it.

But his brain got stuck on the crush part, turning to Michael who was still sound asleep with his face pressed into his backpack, drooling slightly. JJ’s kid had a crush on his, a weird fantasy he had coming true where he and JJ can be friends forever as in-laws.

It was too bad Amoreena really didn’t like boys, not even in the 8-year-old ‘ew cooties’ way either. She was raised around women and she was comfortable with them, and she had no problem punching Michael in the face if he ever pissed her off. It was going to be interesting seeing them interact today.

“Okay, well let’s get your things and bring them back to our house and then we’ll go get breakfast with my girls,” Spencer smiled, seeing Henry’s face light up at the day he gets to spend with Spencer. “You’re going to love Y/N.”

And he did… walking into Spencer’s new house to drop off his backpack, dropping his jaw when he saw Y/N instead. He was so much like Spencer it made him laugh, patting Henry on the shoulder, “I know,” he teased him.

Henry turned to him with wide eyes, “I’ve never met Nini’s mom, that’s her mom?” He whispered that same anxious boy Spencer used to be staring right back at him.

He nodded with a smile, “yeah, she’s really nice don’t worry.”

“Henry! It’s so nice to meet you,” she says as she walks into the main room.

Henry turns around to see her when she’s pulling him into a big hug, Spencer can see his eyes are closed as he takes a moment to hug a pretty girl. Spencer couldn’t help but bite his tongue, not wanting to laugh and embarrass the poor boy now that he was noticing pretty girls. Even if that girl happened to be his wife, it was inevitable for Henry to crush on one of Spencer’s girlfriends with how much he copied him.

She pulled back softly, Henry’s arms still around her waist, she brushed his beautiful blond hair behind his ears. “You look so much like your mom, you’re so handsome!”

Henry forgot how to breathe, trying to stutter out a thank you as he backed up out of her space and turned to Spencer, “he’s always looked like JJ, you should have seen how tiny he was originally,” Spencer jumped in to save him. “Where is Amoreena?”

“She’s trying to pick between 2 different dresses, I’ll go make sure she’s in one by now,” she smiled at them before leaving the room, heading up the stairs to Amoreena’s room.

“You good?” Spencer nudged Henry, laughing lightly. “She’s your aunt now, she’s not going to think you’re a dork so you can calm down around her, I promise.”

Henry released a deep shaky breath, “you’re right, sorry.”

“It’s fine, I was like that around your mom before you were born, you should have seen me,” he tried to sympathize with the boy, only making a disgusted face arise on him.

“Ew, that’s completely different she’s my mom!”

Spencer wrapped his arm around him, “and Y/N is my wife!” He whispered as loud as he could so that it wouldn’t be heard by her.

Henry sighed, “and she’s like what 50?”

“35,” Spencer looked at him and laughed as he shook his head, “how old do you think I am?”

“Mentally? 6-years-old,” Henry bullied him right back for all the brotherly teasing, “but physically you look 79.”

“Thanks,” Spencer said, tucking the boy under his arm and messing up his hair, “now you look like a dork.”

He loved Henry more than he could express, unlike Amoreena he knew he wasn’t his kid, it wasn’t fatherly at all. Henry was his best friend's kid, his godson and his little brother, and as he got older he was becoming more of a best friend than he thought he would.

—

After breakfast when everyone was awake and happily full, Y/N took them all into town to visit the farmer’s market. Letting the kids look around and see if there was anything they wanted to all make for dinner, she was the best mom and aunt in the whole wide world and Spencer kept falling more and more in love every second he spent with her.

She was glowing in the sunlight, walking through the booths looking at all the fresh vegetables and fruit, Spencer followed her with Michael’s hand in his and Henry not far behind. Amoreena was off talking to her favourite vendor, an older woman who reminded her of her great-grandma, it was sweet.

Spencer thought about how their future would be much of the same, Y/N and him with a couple of kids while the rest of them did their own thing. He couldn’t wait to see all the little faces they’d create together, to get to know all the personalities and raise them into being just as wonderful as their sister and cousins.

“Ugh,” Y/N stopped dead in her tracks then, they were heading towards the butcher’s booth when she turned around, almost green as she reacted to the smell. “Nope, not going down there.”

Spencer couldn’t stop smiling at her as she tried to not throw up in the middle of the market, people watching her dry heave as she walked away. Spencer knew JJ was pregnant with Michael before she even told Will because she was the exact same way very early on. Living on ginger ale and baby cookies to stay sane, Y/N was going to need that hack.

He didn’t say anything, just profiling her in his mind as he followed her again.

Henry and Michael used the money JJ left them to buy some homemade candies from the market, Y/N picked up some donuts to bring home to her parents, and Amoreena only wanted fresh strawberries. Spencer however snuck away from the group really quickly to get something they passed earlier, something he wanted to get for Amoreena.

There was a vendor with homemade shirts and dresses, knitted hats and all sorts of collectables. If he was going to miss her last morning before kindergarten, he wanted to get her something to wear that morning so he’d be there in spirit.

There was a beautiful handmade purple dress hanging on the wall behind the vendor, the same kind old woman that reminded Amoreena of her GG. “Hello, how can I help you today?”

“We haven’t met, but I’m Amoreena’s father,” he introduced himself with a smile, and the old woman face beamed.

“Yes you are,” she smiled. “She has your nose, it’s lovely to finally meet you!”

“you too, um, I was interested in that purple dress,” he points behind her, “it looks like the one from tangled, I’m sure she’d love it.”

“that’s exactly how she described it when she saw it today,” the woman explains as she takes it down from the wall for him. “It’s $35, but I’ll do $20 for my favourite little friend.”

“That’s very kind, but I don’t mind,” he says, taking $35 dollars out of his wallet and laying it beside the cash box. “Thank you for always making my girl smile.”

“Thank you,” she smiled again, folding the dress nicely and placing it in a white bag, “would you like some tissue paper so she can’t see what it is?”

“That would be great, thank you,” Spencer smiled too, incredibly happy that this was his life now.

She handed him the bag then, stuffed to the brim with purple and pink paper, Amoreena was going to love it. He said his goodbyes and met the rest of his family at the car, hiding the present between his legs in the passenger seat as they drove home.

—

Henry and Michael did end up having to stay the night, switching into their PJs after dinner and joining them all in the living room for a movie night. They let the kids stay up later to watch the whole movie, watching Michael fall asleep once again on the carpet, he had been so well behaved all day it was like he was afraid of Amoreena now.

Michael was perfectly happy sleeping on the couch all night, Henry, on the other hand, slept in Y/N’s old room to have some privacy and so he could sleep in on Sunday.

By the time JJ and Will got home on Sunday night, Y/N and Spencer were just putting some burgers on the grill, they had enough for the whole team and so sure enough, the crew made a short trip from Quantico to Heaven.

Matt called his wife, she drove their handful of children over, Luke of course let Penelope know, the two of them still happily seeing each other now that she wasn’t on the team, it was cute to see them together. Then Penelope, of course, invited Derek and Hank. Emily, Rossi and Tara coming along just to witness Spencer being happy.

It was the best summer party they’ve ever had. Bob and Linda were beyond excited to have so many new faces in their yard, throwing on 2 more packages of burgers, feeding a whole army like normal.

The kids were all running around together in the field, playing with the cats and the goats, rolling down the big hill towards the cows, chasing fireflies as the sunset.

It was all of their last day of school on Monday, a weird day to end on but they were excited nonetheless. Y/N’s father lit up a bonfire in celebration, setting up every lawn chair and log they had to make sure everyone had a seat, they all gathered with marshmallows on sticks and drinks in their hands, smiles on their faces and love in their hearts.

Spencer made a happy life for himself that he was no sharing with them, and they call understood perfectly why he chose this one. It was peaceful, perfect and the most loving environment he’s ever been in. They were beyond proud of him.

“This place is amazing,” Tara leaned towards Spencer, “your family is wonderful.”

“Thank you,” Spencer smiled at her, raising his voice then as he looked at the rest of the team, “I just want to thank all of you actually, you’re all my family and it’s been so surreal introducing you all, I’ve never been happier.”

He was swarmed with hugs then, everyone also using it as their queue to gather their kids and hit the road. They watched everyone get in their cars one by one, Penelope did everything in her power not to leave with at least 3 cats, Matts's kids asked if they could come back, often, with Y/N reminding everyone that the gates are always open.

It was everything he ever wanted.

Amoreena jumped into his arms then, he held her against his side as they both waved at everyone, saying goodbye to all her new aunts and uncles and cousins. Her family kept getting bigger and bigger by the day and she was so incredibly happy about it. She’d take in a million more family members if they let her, her heart didn’t have a capacity level for love.

He carried her up the porch stairs then, bringing her into the kitchen where the white bag with purple tissue paper was waiting for her. Her eyes lit up as she saw it, “is that for me?”

“You bet it is,” he enthused, “I’m not going to be here in the morning, grandma Diana has a doctor's appointment, so I got you something for tomorrow morning.”

He set her down on the floor, handing her the bag and watching her carefully remove all the tissue paper. She laid it on the table softly to keep it for later, saying it was good to make barbie dresses with. When she finally saw the dress her jaw dropped.

Y/N was there too now, watching in awe as he surprised both of them.

“Did you buy this from Candace?” She asks softly as she takes it out of the bag. Holding it to her chest as she twirls around lightly.

“I did, I thought you’d like to have something to remind you of me there, I’m sorry I’m going to miss sending you to the bus on your last day,” he tried not to cry as he crouched down to her level, taking her into his arms and giving her a soft hug.

“That’s okay, you’re always in here,” she took his pointer finger in her hand and poked her own chest with it, “I love you, dad.”

“I love you more, Amoreena,” he smiled through the tears, scrunching his nose so they wouldn’t roll down his cheeks, giving her another hug before Y/N started her bedtime routine.

—

For the past two weeks, his dreams have been filled with lush fields of green draped in the most beautiful golden glow. Both his girls sitting beside him as they read, each of them has a book and it’s silent. It’s serene, the dictionary definition of peace.

However, it took him a while to fall asleep tonight, he was too anxious for Amoreena’s last day of kindergarten in the morning and the fact he wouldn’t be there for the drop-off.

Y/N was sound asleep on the pillow beside him as he stared at her, for what felt like hours, brushing her hair off her face lightly and making sure the blankets were still covering her. His eyes adjusted to the darkness of the room just enough that he could see her face twitch into a smile as she fell deeper into her slumber.

Seeing her happy relaxed him enough to follow her. Blinking into his dream realm and finding a few new faces waiting for him by the tree…

“Dad!” Another little girl he’s never seen before was running towards him, wrapping herself around him as he held her.

Suddenly, 7 other children he doesn’t know are surrounding him in hugs, tacking him to the ground in a fit of giggles and tickles, “we missed you! Why were you gone for so long?”

He’s so confused, he knows he’s dreaming but he chooses to stay, to wander the world and ask the questions his mind was so obviously trying to answer. “I’m sorry,” is all he can reply, taking Amoreena’s hand and following her towards Y/N as she sat on the picnic blanket.

She was older, which meant he should be too, looking in the pond quickly for his reflection to see’s his wrinkled face, the white in his hair and beard. Their kids had all grown up but where was he for it?

“Welcome home,” she smiled as he sat down. “it’s about time you met the girls.”

“Where was I?”

“You don’t remember?”

He shakes his head, “I was supposed to be here.”

“Amoreena got into Yale, did you hear that, cutie? Elly, Junie and Theo are in high school now, look how beautiful they are…”

He watched his children frolic in the field, running around without a care in the world that he missed everything. Why did he miss everything? How could he miss everything?

“It’s too bad you missed Cordelia and the other twins, can you believe we had 3 sets of twins, Spence?” She laughed like it was funny, “how could you leave me alone with 9 babies?” Still smiling, staring into his soul as he died a little inside.

He started to panic then, breathing heavily as he tried to remember where he was to miss everything, “I was supposed to be there for them!?”

Suddenly he’s ripped awake by Y/N shaking him and pulling him against her skin, “hey, shhh, it’s okay.”

He was crying and shaking in his sleep, sweating as he tried to fight off the dream, his anxiety in full swing for absolutely no reason, “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry for leaving you.”

“You didn’t go anywhere, Spencer, you’ve been there the whole time,” she reminded him, rubbing her hand over his back as he settled into her arms. “You were mumbling and then yelling.”

“I got to the park and you told me I missed all of them growing up,” he whispered the painful words into the open, freeing them from his mind and letting them exist somewhere else.

“Them?” She coo’s, holding his head against her chest as she rests her cheek against it, holding him as close as humanly possible.

“We had like 9 girls, they were all so beautiful as you and Amoreena, they all had my nose and your lips and the curliest blowing hair in the whole world, and I missed everything, again,”

“I won't let that happen, do you have any handcuffs leftover? Because I can keep you here for good?” She teased him in a hushed whisper, playful and happy to prove that he was fine, they were fine.

“I’m sorry for waking you up,” he whispered again shimmying down lower to lay his head on her lower stomach, kissing her stomach softly. “I’m not leaving you all, never.”

“I had a bad dream too, that’s what woke me up first,” she replies softly. “Yesterday was the 11th anniversary of Stephen’s death, and the first time I never visited him.”

Spencer felt the need to sit up then, making eye contact with her to see her true feelings. “I don’t want you to stop loving him because you also love me. He’s special to you, you should go see him soon.”

“Spencer,” she smiles at the concern in his voice, “I will, I only didn’t because I’m pretty sure I’m pregnant, I was bleeding a little yesterday and then it stopped, that probably means the implantation worked and I don’t want to tell him yet. And I tell him everything.”

“Everything?” He asks in a way that she hears; “even about me?” inside his thoughts.

She nods softly, “I went on that first Monday after I dropped you off at your apartment, I needed him to know I was finally ready and I thanked him for sending you to me.”

“What was he like?”

“He was from Boston, accent and everything,” she smiled with sad eyes as she recalled him to her mind. “He was in theatre school, I met him in the summer at a music festival in Chicago, he was playing guitar and we had too many beers and I lost my virginity to him in a tent in some field.”

She recalled it like it was a fond memory, missing him but not enough to be sad about it now. “I ran into him again when I went to college in Boston and we were talking outside before the rain hit, like one of those classic movie scenes, and my apartment was closer, the rest is history.”

“Hey Stephen is the one song you always skip, I never wanted to ask why but I don’t think you’ll mind telling me?” He wonders out loud, still a little delirious from the lack of sleep.

“He looked like an angel when I first saw him, he was standing under a street light reading his music sheets and the light was glowing perfectly, it was amazing I wish I had a picture of it. But then the Fearless album came out for the first time and it was my favourite song because it was like she wrote it for us. He was my perfect angel, my superstar, he was going to be on Broadway one day and we were going to move to a cottage in England, we had lots of plans and that song just makes me think of the life me and him must be living in the universe where it all worked out.”

It’s long-winded and she doesn’t seem to be over-emotional by the end, in a shocking turn of event’s it seems like she feels freer after getting it off her chest.

“I haven’t always been this happy and cheerful Spencer,” she adds, “I had a really dark spot after he died, it was horrible for me. I was so angry, I was reckless and mean and hurtful, and in that time I wasted precious moments I could have spent being happy with my grandma, and so my dream tonight was just the fight I had with Evan and my grandma dying and the cops saying Stephen was dead and placing that stupid fucking flower on his coffin thinking it made up for the fact I couldn’t even look at him in there.”

“How you respond to trauma isn’t really up to you, that’s why it’s trauma. Your brain can’t really cope and so it does typically the stuff you’ll regret the most in that time of grief, it’s not your fault and I’m sure everyone understood. You had every right to be mad, hell, I’m mad you lost him because I know how much you hurt in silence for so long,” Spencer can’t help but wish he could have been there for her.

“What happened to you after Maeve died?”

It was only fair that he shared too, “I locked myself in my apartment and didn’t take care of myself, I didn’t talk to anyone, I just sat in my living room and almost died reading every book I had because I didn’t feel like I was worthy of being taken care of so if I starved to death, so be it.”

“You still haven’t told me what happened with her and the kidnapping,” she reminds him of their little chat a few weeks ago at the school. “I get it if you’re not ready, I’m sure it’s a lot.”

“I was getting headaches, really bad ones, and so I reached out to a geneticist to see if she could help me. I sent her my brain scans and some blood tests and she helped me find supplements and natural ways to help my body rest from the stress of my work,” he explained it easily like the feelings didn’t hurt anymore.

“We talked on the phone a lot and I finally asked her why she was so afraid to meet me or have me know anything about her. She had me call her from a payphone, always a different one each time, I was to call and let it ring once, then hang up then she’d call me back. She thought she had a stalker, she was getting weird messages and threats and she felt genuinely unsafe, and she had every right to,”

“10 months went by and we thought she was safe, but her ex-fiancé got a private investigator to find her and in return found me instead. It turns out that Maeve had a student who felt wronged by her and wanted to outdo her, so she dated her fiancé and scared her underground but then she wanted me.”

Y/N’s face is full of concern like she’s listening to a true-crime thriller where she knows the ending won't be good.

“I tried to talk her stalker down, I almost had her and then she kissed me and I keep looking at Maeve, she saw right through me. She threatened to kill Maeve, she had a gun to her head but at the last minute she killed herself, but Maeve’s head was too close to hers,” the words hurt on the way out.

“And someone also had you sent to prison?” She asks, wanting all the trauma in one night to save him the trouble.

“Yeah, she was an assassin, I tricked her into thinking I found her dad and I was so smart she thought I was her soulmate, it was all an elaborate plan to bring me down to her level.”

“Did you kill someone?”

“I’ve killed too many people,” he answers with complete honesty once again. “I’ve killed mostly murderers and rapists, I typically don’t have to. I really try not to, but I’ve also killed people to keep myself safe. And I’d probably kill someone to keep you or Amoreena safe too.”

“Get in line,” she laughs, able to make every single conversation easy even when they shouldn’t be.

“I uh,” he wants to tell her more but he doesn’t know-how. “I was also sexually assaulted in prison, and I was kidnapped and drugged in 2007, I OD’d and died but then I was resuscitated, I wasn’t kidding when I said it was a lot.”

“I am so sorry Spencer,” she rests her hands on his cheeks, looking into his eyes as best as she could in the dark, still seeing the goodness in there. “You’re safe here with me, forever and always, I can promise you that.”

“Thank you,” he’s never going to stop thanking her.

Settling down on the bed once more, he cuddles back into her side. She brushes his hair behind his ear softly, humming a soft melody as she soothes him back to sleep. He snuggled right against her, holding her gently as he fell back to sleep on her, dreamless as she was everything he needed.

love you all for all the support thank you x100 <3

tag list: @shemarmooresfedora @spencers-dria @spookyspence @reidsfish @manuosorioh @mochionly @samuel-de-champagne-problems @jswessie187

[reylofanfictionanthology]

TO FIND YOUR KISS IS NOW LIVE!  

Authors will be revealed next week!  For now all fics are anonymous.  Treats can be posted through author reveals on 2/21.  We will post an updated masterpost at that time.

To Find Your Kiss collection on AO3 | Treats Masterpost

GIFT FIC MASTERPOST

- Reap the Stars for abbytheatre08

The prompt: After Ben's death, Rey goes mad and turns to the dark side. Only Ben's not dead anymore. ----------------------- She is consuming fire, magnificent in her rage. She will burn the galaxy to its foundations, until the ashes rain down and pile high as mountains. She will gather them into bouquets and scatter them like petals upon his grave.

He will be remembered, and they will not.

Call him The Light Bearer and Joy Giver. Call him He Who Loved and Laid Down His Life. Call him Ben.

- we are question marks that hang above the endless unexplained for AlwaysEverlark

The first time she walked into his club, she was looking for a job. Kylo took one look at her—the stubborn pout of her lip, the determined glint in her eyes, the ruddy glow of her face where the sun had kissed it—and swallowed a lump in his throat that was shaped like the words you’re too good for this place.

They needed a singer. Kira Johnson could hold a tune, knew the old standards, and had a knockout pair of tits to boot. A few slinky ballgowns and a touch of lipstick, and she’d more than do the trick of distracting suckers long enough to part them from their money.

The club solely needed to break even; anything they made on top of the Syndicate’s cut was gravy, and Kylo Ren had been lining his pockets with his own take for long enough that he could see Kira for the lump of clay that she was: rough-hewn, misshapen, but soft and supple and sure to curve under his touch.

- Eighty Bucks Says Sweetheart for Amoreusou

Ben likes puzzles. Rey needs help with a bunch of them. Good thing it's a slow day at the office.

- Seldom Visions for Andrina_Nightshade

After visiting an old Sith temple, Supreme Leader Kylo Ren has fallen into a deep sleep when he pricks his finger on the point of a red crystal. Rey become is the first to find him, but his rescuer isn't just any general or pilot, it's the woman he shares a soul with, who haunts his waking hours, who still sees him even in his sleep.

- The Dyad for aneighthdomain

Based of the Prompt: Groundhog Day scenario. Ben and Rey keep getting sent back to the first time they met and no matter what they do, Ben always dies so they stop trying to change events and just live a life time in the year between and couple of weeks and run away together.

- Saudade: The Love That Remains for AnneAnna

- The Delegation for aNerdObsessed

A humanitarian delegation from Naboo arrives at Niima Outpost. Rey is skeptical, to say the least.

- i don't want you like a best friend for anopendoor

It’s not like she hadn’t seen this coming—Rose told her weeks ago that he was invited. It was an inevitability Rey was always going to have to face, she just didn’t think that Rose would be so merciful as to also give every guest a plus one.

But Rey can’t really be upset—and she is totally, unequivocally not upset—that Ben's bringing someone because, well.

She is, too.

- Love is Weakness for bittersnake

“He’s someone I found on my recent trip to Corellia,” Rey replies placidly, her face practiced in its boredom. “It doesn’t mean anything.”

“Love is weakness,” her grandfather reminds her, the way he has for years. It’s why he doesn’t love her. He will not be weak. It’s why she doesn’t love him, either.

- in sickness and in health (with health being less likely) for BlueButterflyKisses

Deciding to spend the rest of their lives together is the easy part for both Rey and Ben; the trouble is in how to propose.

- Snowed In for Blueyedgurl

Never in her wildest dreams did Rey Johnson think she would ever get to meet her favorite other Kylo Ren. She also would have never entertained the idea of the scenario she found herself in. How did a hike in the woods lead to a snowstorm and taking shelter in a remote cabin in the woods? The idea was so ridiculous but had become reality. Stuck inside with a handsome stranger surrounded by a winter storm, Rey wonders what will happen with no power and only one bed. Will they be polite co-habitants stuck in a strange set of circumstances or is there room for something more?

- Curses, Comforts and Capybaras for Bombastique

Arrogant CEO bites off more than he can chew when he angers a witch... And suddenly finds himself transformed into a capybara. Can kindhearted wildlife rehabber Rey Niima help him break the curse?

- To Heal a Broken Soul for Cat2000

Ben survives the fallout of Exegol, but his connection to the physical world is in danger. Rey tends to him as she searched for a way to heal him.

- holding me like water in your hands for Ceallaigh

After Hux finds out Ben killed Snoke, Hux encases Ben in Carbonite. Rey refuses to let Ben stay frozen forever so she mounts a rescue.

- Like a Thief in the Night for chagrins

Their bond won't let them be alone. At least this time it's the middle of the night and they can't get into a shouting match.

- The Chance for Crysania

When Rey and Ben, long time co-workers who have never been able to admit their feelings to each other, go on a weekend retreat to work on a movie adaptation script together, a Nor’easter leaves them snowed in. On Valentine’s Day.

- Awake for cuddlesome

Something inside him is awake, and something inside her is about to wake up.

An alternate interrogation scene.

- darkness rises, and light to meet it for czechia

After the throne room, Jedi Ben Solo and Kira Ren meet again a year later.

- Not Quite a Fairytale for DarkMage13

Rey lets a stranger use the phone of the café she works at late one night. It changes the whole course of her life.

- You Won't Escape Me ('Cause I Set You Free) for DoorKeeper9

- The Canvas of Your Skin for darlingreadsalot

She was incapable of touching him without drawing blood, it seemed. Lines like vermillion paint streaked where her fingers sketched down the contours of his face, his back, and now his chest.

In which a Force bond is splintered, a resurrection goes wrong, a kiss is forgotten, and two almost-lovers avoid speaking for the better half of a year.

- Fleeing the Storm for driverfever

As the granddaughter of an merciless aristocrat, Rey’s life hangs on a thread at the hands of the French Revolutionaries. When her childhood friend, Ben, offers to platonically marry her in order to take her to his home in England to safety, she has no choice but to accept.

But her suitor and revolutionary Hux won’t give her up so easily. Hounded by revolutionaries and falling in love, Rey and Ben must use all their wits to flee Paris and make it to England.

- Equal Measure for dustoftheancients

When Princess Rey of Coruscant calls upon the cursed Sir Kylo Ren to help her escape her grandfather the emperor’s political machinations, she discovers freedom in the ancient familial magic that binds them together.

- Benimina Solo's Late On-Set Force Ability for Evangel10n

Benimina Solo has never, not even once, had an ounce of Force Sensitivity. She's done a great deal to move on with her life after failing out of her uncle's Jedi training school. So when Rey Palpatine comes into her life and suddenly everything changes, she's not a happy camper.

- Splatter for expendable

“You’re Palpatine’s girl,” he says coldly.

“His chief of staff, yes.” Rey’s eyes narrow. “And you have your hand on my ass, Kylo. Kindly take it off.”

“Or what?”

AKA powerful corporate rivals Kylo and Rey put the hate in love/hate.

- The Haunted Mirror for FangirlintheForest

When Rey travels to UK to attend the reading of his grandfather will, a grandfather she didn't know existed until that very moment, she finds a house, and a old story that will haunt her...

- i'm your secretary for firelord65

Kaydel pressed her lips together in a thin line, passing a pile of datapads over the desk. “I don’t know what that pretentious nerf herder has put into your brain, but these are tales of the key roles women have played in past rebellions.” She stood, tapping the pile. “They’re great reads,” she added, with a pointed raise of her eyebrow.

- and they danced across the sky for flipflop_diva

When he was still a child, he constantly watched the blue butterflies as they danced in the sky.

They seemed to be calling him, aiding him each instance that icy-cold darkness flowed through his very veins. The magnificent creatures saved him from the voices. They drowned out the incessant chatter in his head. Temporarily cleared away all the anger. During those brief respites, watching those blue wings flutter in the sky, Ben felt free.

But that’s another life. Another world. Another time. Another, another, another.

And Kylo's no longer a child.

No. He welcomes the darkness now. Embraces it.

- Finding The Answer for FrenchMartiniPlease

Rey pines for Ben Solo…so why does her soulmate mark always drain of colour whenever she gets close to him?

- Almost Unforgettable for HopeRebel

The woman in the mirror has blood on her clothes, cash in her bag, and a letter from her husband telling her it's better to forget. Well, he got his wish. She forgot everything-- including her name. And she wasn't the only one afflicted.

It'll take the combined efforts of gumshoes, a flatfoot, a washed-up Hollywood starlet, and more to get to the bottom of this bad business. In the end, these things always come back to the beginning.

- The Curl of a Sigh for irridesca

During the last song in Maxine’s set, a song she announces is called “Soul Companion,” Ben heads back out to the lobby to look for Rey. He finds her not with his eyes but with one broad shoulder, when he bumps into her and knocks her gig bag out of her hands and onto the plush carpet.

- and they were roommates for Lady_of_Haven

When Ben loses a bet to his roommate, Rey, he has to eat her out for 30 days.

- torn away from you (my heart is broken) for lakerose

The Force binds more than minds.

- If You Take Me for literallynoonecares

She sighed wistfully as she watched her two friends lean in toward each other as they danced, their lips meeting and melding together as they seemed to become one person instead of two separate beings. She had seen them kiss so many times, but this kiss … it was special.“I just want someone to kiss me like that,” she mused softly to herself, her eyes not leaving her friends.“I could make that happen if you wanted.”

- 3 Days in Vienna for Like_A_Dove

Kylo Ren, trained mercenary Alpha assassin, is on a mission—assassinate Chancellor Palpatine and bring his underground authoritarian regime to an end. It’s what the First Order demands, for the better of society.

It should be an easy task. He’s been getting close to the Chancellor and his cronies for years. So how is it that the unexpected appearance of an Omega, with a seemingly similar mission—and a wholly inconveniencing scent—become a distraction he hadn’t accounted for?

- Confidence and Desire for LittleLostStar

“Stay afraid, but do it anyway. What’s important is the action. You don’t have to wait to be confident. Just do it and eventually, the confidence will follow.” - Carrie Fisher

- Love brightens even the most monstrous parts of ourselves for LRRH17

No one knows since when the giant, black bear has lived in the forest near Theed. Many stories about the origin of Kylo Ren circulate in the small village. After Rey has run away from Jakku, and arrived in Theed she has heard them all of, but has never actually meet the creature. This changes when her and her friends get attacked by bandits on their way back from Otoh Gunga.

- Your Sweetness Comes With Sugar on the Side for Lutrosis

Rey's daughter loses her mother as she wanders around the Supermarket. Ben finds her and the two connect over both being Type 1 diabetics. They find Rey, and Ben and Rey are instantly smitten. As they date and fall in love they discover that Jade and Ben are connected more than they thought and healing is brought to the Solo/Skywalker clan.

- Allegories, or Allusions to Real Life for maq_moon

“Boys, please stop arguing.” Rose rubbed her temples. “Poe, we get it, you’re childhood best buddies, you’ve got a better grasp on his character than some rando of a rando you met at a party. Finn, for fuck’s sake, we’ve been working with Ben for months. I’m pretty sure if he’s a serial killer or whatever, it would have come out by now.” Finn sat back in his seat, grumbling. “Not how serial killers work.” Rey was going to have a headache if this continued any longer, so she lied through her teeth at the reality of a new player joining their D&D party. "He seems nice." She didn’t trust a single inch of skin on that man. "I'm sure it'll be fine."

- A Mad Man, with a Box for MBlair

Rey and Ben meet, move in together, get engaged, and marry.

- Invite the Wild In for midwinterspring

Kylo Ren, the mysterious senator who appeared from out of the deserts of Jakku and somehow brought them back to life, has spent a long and unproductive session on Hosnian Prime. Now, it's time to go home. After all, there's someone waiting for him and so much for them to do together.

(The ancient Sith had some interesting rituals.)

- Purim Party for MissCoppelia

Rey goes back to visit her foster mother for a Purim celebration. She meets Ben Solo who's visiting his parents, who are friends with her foster mother. They have an attraction to each other right away, but try to play it cool.

- The Banished Heart for misszeldasayre

On Rey of Niima’s nineteenth name day, Jakku gains a new wizard.

Jakku is a withering outpost of the kingdom, and its people hope the new wizard - the mysterious Kylo Ren - will bring them the rains the land needs to heal. Rey is a lonely, clanless girl living in Niima, and she has a secret. One she hopes the wizard will be able to help her with too.

- The Smuggler's Bride for MyJediLife

Miss Rey Nemo is the new mistress of Manor Takodana, left to her by the late Lord Skywalker. When a strange man named Kylo Ren appears on her doorstep, she decides to hire him as her new groundskeeper. As Rey faces sinister threats and secrets are revealed, Kylo Ren may be the only person who can save her.

- Annabel Lee for myownlittleinfinity

Rey keeps finding these ... notes in her locker. She doesn't quite get them. They seem like love notes, but she doesn't know who they could be from. Meanwhile she's paired up with Ben Solo (who hates her despite her gigantic crush on him) for this English assignment. Who knows how THIS will go.

- with my body i thee worship for niennathegrey

Miss Rey Nemo is the new mistress of Manor Takodana, left to her by the late Lord Skywalker. When a strange man named Kylo Ren appears on her doorstep, she decides to hire him as her new groundskeeper. As Rey faces sinister threats and secrets are revealed, Kylo Ren may be the only person who can save her.

- the losing game for no_big_deal

Sith Princess Rey Palpatine is given a peculiar gift for her Life Day: a Jedi. Not only that, one who is boorish, spirited, and stubborn. But, he presents an opportunity: one that could liberate her from a life under the thumb of her grandfather. She has seven weeks to change his heart before all her freedom is taken from her - forever.

- standing right in front of you for notkellymarie

When Senator Solo's engagement is pushed forward, he and his Jedi bodyguard, Rey, travel to Naboo alone for the announcement ball. The pair despise each other, constantly bickering and disagreeing with each other, which makes spending extensive amounts of time alone together all that more difficult. Until of course, one of them breaks...

- the good, the bad, and the smuggling for OccasionallyCreative

Ben Solo is a seasoned smuggler. And he’s not bad at it, either. But when bounty hunter Rey offers him a temporary partnership he can’t refuse, Ben will find himself pushed to the limits of his skill, patience, and resourcefulness on a job that’s dangerous enough to be his last.

It’s like his dad used to say: bounty hunters are nothing but trouble, kid.

- Whatever our souls are made of...his and mine are the same for Padawan_Writer

Ben and Rey meet only after Kylo has defected from the First Order and returned to the Resistance and his mother. Will the dyad still find a way to be?

- They say that only the dead have seen the end of war for politicalpadmé

“He traded his life for mine,” Rey choked, stomping back and forth in front of him so fast he could barely keep track of her. “He died. He died so I didn’t have to—and it’s not—it’s—after everything he’s gone through—it’s not fair.” Tears were running down her cheeks now, and Poe wanted to do nothing more than hug her, but there was nothing he could say—nothing she would want to hear. Poe remembered all the people he’d lost, all the times he had raged and screamed and cried about the unfairness of it all. “Leia sacrificed herself to bring him back,” Rey declared suddenly, ceasing her constant pacing around the fire as she looked straight at him. “And he sacrificed himself for me—and now no one’s going to know. All he’ll be remembered as is Kylo Ren, but he was—he was so much more.” She exhaled with a shudder and whispered, “He was a part of me, and I—I don’t feel whole without him.” ~

A Force Ghost Ben/Rey love story, with a side of rebuilding the galaxy.

- Cicatrix for Priestly

Getting cut up by Rey on Starkiller awakens something in Kylo.

- I Will Always Be With You for Prix

But she wouldn’t be able to hide her pregnancy for much longer. She was starting to show, and her friends would start asking questions. She would have to give them answers, some of them would not understand, and none of them would accept.

She carried his child. The tiny spark of light woven with darkness, just like her. Just like his father.

—————

The world has gone dark More times than you Or your mother Or your grandmother Can remember. And every hurricane That was meant to be The end of it all Had instead ended In sunshine again.

So believe me When I say; You will survive this And the next one too.

World’s End—Nikita Gill

- all my daydreams are disasters for QueenOfCarrotFlowers

During her search for the infamous Luke Skywalker — the man who predicted a devastating earthquake in New Madrid, Missouri — Rey finds herself entangled in Luke’s family history and with his brooding nephew, Ben Solo.

- on what ground I was founded (when I first saw you) for redbelles

Kylo dreams of Rey after the Battle of Crait. And the yearning is mutual...

Some Force Bond dream smut inspired by "Shrike" and "NFWMB" by Hozier.

- Last Summer for Reykenobi68

Rey had started to get used to Ben not living next door anymore by the time the holidays came around. Then he's back for the holidays. Rey is really expecting things to go wrong after the way he left at the end of the summer. ut is it really going to be that bad.

- The Long Way Home for reylotrash711

In the aftermath of Exegol, Ben and Rey are divided by misunderstandings.  It will take time and danger for them to work things out.

- Under the moonlight for shariling

I don't know why I followed you here. She wanted to reply. Maybe because you're so tall I couldn't help but notice you. Maybe it's because of your hair or the way you move, or maybe it's because of that kind of melancholic look in your eyes. There is something about you that I find terribly attractive and I don’t know what it is: maybe the moon or the alcohol or the wolf I have met before infected me with some strange parasite and now I am hopelessly attracted to dogs, I do not know. She could have said one of these things, any of them, instead she said: “I've never bitten anyone before, and I want you to be my first.”

- Fallen for shipperofdarkness

Prompt: Devil!Ben and Angel!Rey or Angel!Ben and Devil!Rey. How do these two on completely opposite sides fall in love and defy worlds to be together?

- come away with me for silentfleur

Rey owns a tinker shop, but her life changes when she meets Ben Solo and is cursed by a witch. Not necessarily in that order.

- A Picture of Me Without You for SpaceWaffleHouseTM

"I suppose I'd somehow struggle through / But I'd hate to picture myself without you."

It's impossible not to have a soulmark. It's not a big deal, not in the lax and gin-soaked speakeasies of 1920s Manhattan, but it's still a heavy weight to bear, as Ben Solo and Rey find out side by side.

- Lips Raw With Love for stellardarlings

Their kiss on Exegol wasn't their first kiss...

Nor would it be their last.

- Everyone Makes Divine Mistakes for Takekurabehime

Jedi Knight Ben Solo is sent to Naboo on an errand of mercy (and to visit his grandparents). He arrives in springtime; but will he be able to complete his mission without finding himself distracted and bewildered when love and intrigue waft through the fragrant air?

- Glitter & Gold for TearoomSaloon

Rey is lead singer in an up-and-coming glam metal band. They've finally got steady performances, but that means playing at the same club as the Knights of Ren, whose lead singer definitely isn't interested in any competition.

- To kiss like lovers do for the-reylo-void (Anysia)

Ben and Rey spend their formative years growing up together in Medieval Scotland and it looks like they will end up together. Circumstances intervene and Rey loses her chance to be with him. Devastated, she carries on until the day clan Ren attacks Castle Jakku lead by the notorious killer Kylo Ren.

- Snow Turns To Rain for thehobbem

For a moment, he wanted to ask what she meant, but if he was being completely honest, he already knew.  He asked himself that same question over the years, and none more often than tonight, since seeing her again.  Was leaving worth it?  Was going their separate ways worth leaving each other?

 “I’m not sure,” he said finally, shaking his head.  “I’m happy...” he said, and she tensed a little, so he continued, “with my work.  I’m glad I’m doing what I love, but....”

 “But?”

 “But it wasn’t the only thing I loved.”

- Change the Dance for theresonatinglight

- Meet Me in the Woods for thewayofthetrashcompactor (BriarLily)

“What do you mean no one goes in there?” A chuckle. “It’s haunted. People see all sorts of weird things in there and some don’t ever come out. You’re better off living with your curiosity.” Rey wakes in a shadowy forest with no memory of where she came from, only her name. With the help of the resident guardian she takes a journey to figure out her past, and maybe even discover her future.

- permanent calligraphy (your name on me forever) for Thursdaygirl

As they continue to work together, two things become clear. One: Ben Solo is an enigma. He’s preppy yet humble, privileged yet introspective. He’s the opposite of lazy; she kicks herself every day for assuming otherwise. And two: Ben Solo will never love her.

- show me the stars. for tmwillson3

“I don’t hate Christmas, I just don’t love it the way you do.” Lifting his head, he pulls a face, loosening up a tangled ornament of a poodle with pink, curly fluff. Rey snatches it from him possessively, tossing it back to the cart. “No one loves it the way you do, to be fair.”

“Now that’s the truth,” says Poe, who Finn invited about half an hour ago to keep him company.

“People have bad taste, I don’t know what to say.” Huffing, Rey scrolls through her phone with more intent. “Neither of you are helping me, anyway.”

“What’s the problem?” says Poe.

“Rey thinks her hot neighbor hates her —”

“He does hate me.”

“ — When really he’s been flirting with her for the past, oh I don’t know, how long have you lived there?”

- I realized that I need you, I wondered if I could come home for VR_Trakowski

Rey is doing exploration work for the Resistance, searching for force sensitive planets so any force sensitives that they find have a place to train.

One day, midflight she finds a slip of paper with the elegant scrawling words of the ones that came before. The ones that she found when Ben still roamed the galaxy.

When she lands on a dark and barren planet she is forced to face the feelings she thought she buried.

- Shadows of the Moon for walkingsaladshooter

The hallways got darker, the corridors grew longer. Shadows stretched across the walls. The ghosts of Breha Manor grew each night.

Rey clutched her necklace. Ben met her gaze.

And every night, there was weeping.

- show the way (the world could be) for writergenie

In the aftermath of the Battle of Crait, Rey struggles to find her place among the Resistance. However, her lingering Force bond with Kylo— Ben— whatever name he calls himself— complicates things, blurring the line between friend and foe.

When the tension threatens to boil over and a desperate plan goes awry, Rey begins to wonder whether there really is a line between light and dark after all.

(Stars do burn brightest in the blackness of space.)

- why don't we go (somewhere only we know) for XarisEirene

The bond snaps back into place, even stronger than before. He is here. With Rey, yes, but with Luke - Luke, who is looking at them now with that same dangerous glint in his eye that haunts Ben’s dreams.

- renewed, transfigured, in another pattern for yodalorian

Rey mourns on Tatooine while Ben is stuck in the World Between Worlds. But neither of them are alone, and blue butterflies light a path back to each other.

[jeonjeonggukenergy]

Anti-Hero

summary ~ in search of wine at a party that’s so not your scene, you run into jungkook, the weeb from your film class, and become determined to learn just how much he lives up to his big reputation.

pairing ~ jungkook x reader

genre ~ fluff, smut - college!au

wordcount ~ 8.5k

warnings ~ 18+ only! smut, explicit discussion of kinks/sexual preferences (yay healthy communication), dom/sub undertones during both discussion and sex (dom Jungkook, sub reader), mentions of daddy kink and degradation but both are a no, marking, biting, hair pulling, spanking, they both have a srs pain kink lmao, brief oral (f receiving), penetrative sex, creampie

a/n ~ SO excited to finally have this chapter out for yall! it’s a huge one and i’ve been working on it for quite a while, this includes the first full smut scene for this fic and i would love to know how yall like it or any other feedback. i really enjoyed writing the character development in this chapter too! they’re so cute and whipped for each other already hhhhhh. thank you so much for loving this story so far, i’m really looking forward to writing the rest. hope you enjoy! ❣️

previous: chapter 1 | chapter 2 ~ next: chapter 4 (coming soon!) 

~ read on ao3 ~

CHAPTER 3 ~ particular, perfect

You concluded your walk home by ditching your shoes at the door, swinging your bag off your shoulders to the floor, and plopping down onto the couch immediately. Pulling all three nearby blankets over yourself, you realized you still weren't quite comfortable. You looked around for a second, puzzled, until an absentminded clutch of your boobs reminded you why. Triumphantly, you reached into a sleeve to untangle your bra and chucked it across the room with a deep stretch of relief. Okay, time to overthink again.

Jungkook? What the fuck?

Wait. A bag of chips on the kitchen counter caught your eye before you could descend any further into panic. The perfect emotional crutch. You clutched it to your chest like a safeguard against your own internal monologue, anxiously shoving handful after handful into your mouth. After about thirty minutes spent motionless on the couch with one hand shoved in the chip bag and the other distractedly scrolling through Twitter, your eyes suddenly widened and your hand froze, dropping your next bite of chips back into the bag. Fuck. You had just eaten nearly an entire family-size bag of chips before what could end up being your first fuck in over a year. Well, maybe this was part of why you hadn't gotten fucked in over a year. No, don't go there. You shoved down your own insecurity, knowing you'd just been too busy for a relationship and honestly, probably still were. But that wasn't going to stop you today.

You shook the chip dust off of your hands and got up to head to the shower, turning up your trashiest throwback playlist of getting-ready bops and resolving to at least shave your legs. Going in with no expectations was probably the best strategy here, but it never hurt to be prepared.

~

Having cleaned his apartment in record time, Jungkook was now at the gym. After triple-checking that his roommate Jin would be in rehearsal until 10pm at the earliest, he quickly scanned all the common spaces and his bedroom and realized he didn't actually have that much work to do besides politely closing the door to Jin's still-decent-but-somewhat-messier room. To be honest, Jungkook had mainly bought himself the time after class so he could shave just in case. But then he figured if he had to shower, he might as well hit the gym first. So here he was, burning off an unprecedented amount of nervous energy. Settling comfortably into the leg curl machine, he turned his music up and started on a low weight to put in reps until his thighs burned and his head felt pleasantly empty.

After completing his normal leg day rotation and dutifully stretching, Jungkook prepared to head home. He walked out of the gym feeling more energized and centered, barely even flinching when he switched his AirPods off to say bye to the nice girl at the front desk and the action accidentally blasted "Whistle" by Flo Rida from his phone speaker for the whole lobby to hear. As he walked back into his apartment, the kitchen clock let him know it was only 4:30. He had plenty of time. Jungkook hopped straight into the shower, shampooing his hair, shaving everywhere he normally did, and savoring several extra moments to relax his muscles under the hot stream of water. Finally, he toweled off to wrap up in the black t-shirt and cozy matching sweatpants he'd carefully stacked on the counter. Offhandedly singing to himself in the steamy mirror, he checked the time on his phone, deciding he might as well go ahead and text you before he got nervous again and did something stupid. Like chickening out completely.

hey its jk! im ready when u are :) my apt is 344 glencoe rd #1521 (yes its on the 15th floor sry D: )

His charming old-school smileys lit up your phone while you still had a leg perched on the bathtub's edge.

"Fuck!" you reacted. The hiss resounded, thanks to the too-good acoustics of your cramped bathroom. Your razor clattering to the floor, you paused your max-volume 2000s music to check the message, and then the time. Only 5! That wasn't dinnertime yet. Plugging his address into Google Maps, though, you realized it was a 15- to 20-minute drive from yours on the opposite end of campus. Even if you got ready at light-speed, you would get there closer to 5:30. Which was a bit more reasonable. He was being reasonable! You should be ready by now!

You leaned over to pick up your razor and cursed again as the water stream grazed the blouse you'd left on out of laziness. You'd showered this morning, so there was no need to repeat that with your shave, but now you'd have to change outfits completely. Feeling like an idiot, naked from the waist down but now all the way wet, you peeled the shirt over your head slowly to preserve your good hair day and glanced down at the dilemma you'd been facing. The patch of hair between your legs stared back at you like the final boss of stupid societal beauty standards. You'd only shaved down there once, as an anniversary present for your first boyfriend the summer before college, and it had been a fun, smooth novelty for about two hours and then itchy, red, gross-looking, and miserable for about three weeks. Also, it had kind of made you feel like a little girl, which creeped you out when you thought about why guys would prefer it. You'd been debating whether to try it again for the past fifteen minutes, because if there was ever a right time, this was probably it. But now you didn't have time, if you were going to be respectful and not keep Jungkook waiting. Well, this was the real you. He could take it or leave it.

Slathering a quick coat of lotion over your freshly shaved legs, you prepared to get dressed in a soft pastel sweatshirt and a flattering pair of workout shorts. Wait, should you wear lingerie? Was that too try-hard? You didn't really even need to wear underwear with these lined shorts, which could be a cool-girl move, you supposed. You settled on a cute white sports bra to go with the shorts, not wanting to deal with a real bra and hoping it still appealed to Jungkook's casual, athletic style. You checked yourself in the mirror briefly before grabbing your bag, confirming you looked chill enough but still felt like your best color-coordinated self. Heading out, you shoved a tin of chrysanthemum green tea in your water bottle pocket. Why not?

~

You whizzed over to Jungkook's apartment, yelling along to "Sex With Me" by Rihanna from your throwback playlist to hype you up in the car. When you knocked on his door after a nerve-wrackingly long elevator ride, Jungkook welcomed you with a "C'mon in!" amidst a mouthful of shrimp chips.

"It's not really dinnertime yet," (yeah, no kidding, you thought) "I went ahead and worked out but it's still kind of early, so I figured we could just have a snack and do the homework first."

"Sounds good," you affirmed. "I'm not really that hungry," (read: there's no way I can eat chips AGAIN right now, I'm going to bloat so badly) "but I brought tea so I can go ahead and make that if you want some too!"

"Oh cool, thanks!" Jungkook accepted. "Are you sure you're not hungry though?"

You almost gave into his sweet pout, but managed to convince him, and soon you both sat at the table with laptops open and twin cups of tea. You had a blast working together for the first time, acting out your "conversation" for the discussion board and pretending to respond spontaneously to each other's points like you hadn't already excitedly rambled back and forth through them in real life. You hit "send" five minutes apart, your idea to not seem too suspicious, and kept raving over Rear Window in between. As the sun lowered outside his living room window, you moved on to making the ramen.

After three offers to help Jungkook, all of which he denied, you simply made another steep of the tea, leaving a mug on the counter for him. Standing at the bar counter sipping yours, you enjoyed all the tiny, cute noises he made while chopping green onions and sprinkling extra garlic in the seasoning, like an anime character who came with his own sound effects. You could tell he made these recipe additions every time, because bulk quantities of the same simple ingredients lined the counters of his cozy kitchen. When he beat two eggs and dropped them into the pot, though, he couldn't seem to find a lid, and eventually settled on trapping the steam with a plate. You both waited on the egg for a silent moment, your foot bouncing under the bar while Jungkook restlessly acquired a slight wiggle. As he took a sip of his tea, a strand of hair fell over his eyes, and he yeeted it out of his face. Your inner language nerd cringed, but there really was no more apt word to describe the action.

You offhandedly said you liked his hair long, and he replied with a smile, "Maybe I'll have to keep it then."

"Do you like it too?" you wondered.

"Honestly no, it's kind of inconvenient."

"Oh, then why would you keep it?" you immediately asked back.

"Well..." he dragged out. "You like it? Maybe I should keep it if it looks better this way."

Your eyes crinkled appreciatively at his thoughtfulness, but then you backtracked. "Wait, no, it's okay! If you don't like it, don't feel like you have to keep it just because of something I said. You can do whatever you want."

"Hm, yeah." A demure smile tugged up the corner of his mouth as he lifted the plate from the ramen pot.

You watched him drag a chopstick through the floating, now-cooked egg to tear it into ribbons, then divide the noodles between two generously-sized bowls. He carefully wiped down the drips of broth from each bowl before sprinkling in his fresh toppings, then walked with you to the table.

Serving you with a pleased smile and a slight nod, he announced, "Dinner!"

"Wow," you mused playfully. "So gourmet."

"I'm really particular about my ramen," he admitted. "I have it down to a perfect routine at this point."

You took your first slurp of his particular, perfect ramen. "Well, it's really good. I'm impressed. And thanks for making me dinner, you didn't have to do all that."

"Oh, come on, it's instant ramen," he laughed. "Nothing special. And you brought the tea, so thanks. And thanks for coming over. And doing the homework with me. And...yeah." Rambling again. Why did he seem so...nervous? You were nervous. He couldn't be nervous. What reason did he have to be? But the twitch of his mouth under his wide eyes, his slightly reddened ears, his hand skittering over his neck—fuck—to ruffle his hair...every action turned another page of his open book. It felt infuriatingly unfair that genetics had assigned someone so sweet and shy and unsure of himself to that fucking body.

While you both ate and talked, you kept catching glimpses of any small flashes of skin you could find, as his long sleeves fell to expose his forearms and the wide neckline of his boxy black shirt gaped around his collarbones. What was wrong with you? Even if this did eventually turn into a dick appointment, the boy still had literally all of his clothes on. You tried to refocus on finishing your noodles, while your brain screamed at itself in shame that you could get this turned on by the sight of someone covered from neck to ankle.

Jungkook ate surprisingly slowly, probably because he kept pausing to excitedly explain his favorite things about the Cowboy Bebop episode you were about to watch together. You smiled into your tea through every out-of-context fun fact and "wait, sorry, that might have been a spoiler!"

Finally, he reached the bottom of his bowl and insisted on both taking your dishes to the sink and leaving them for him to clean later. "You sure you want to start on episode 2? Not 1?"

"Yeah, I remember well enough and your summary helped a lot too!"

"Okay, if you're positive!" he double-checked, grabbing the remote.

Gingerly lowering yourselves to the couch in sync, you avoided looking at each other as you both tried to calculate a comfortable distance between you. His hand looked ready to either hold yours or lower to your thigh, but he retracted at the last second, smoothing it over his own leg anxiously and still clearly itching to make a move. You shuffled closer to him until your thighs barely touched, and he shifted to slink an arm around you, letting your head rest on his well-muscled shoulder. After pressing “play”, he began wiggling slightly again, subconsciously grooving to the old-newspaper-style intro. Spike Spiegel appeared on the screen, his broad shoulders squared into a slouch as he listlessly watched TV. Jungkook kicked one leg over another and stretched his arms out symmetrically to echo the pose. Raising an eyebrow, he waited until you acknowledged him with a faux grimace and a hand to your ear, imitating the old man in a lab who’d just called up Spike for a new mission. You both burst into laughter and settled back into your former arrangement, Jungkook holding you imperceptibly tighter. Though you tried to stay staring straight ahead, wanting to genuinely appreciate the anime, you kept catching his doe eyes in the corner of your sight as you both giggled and gasped your way through the episode.

After avoiding eye contact too many times, you finally tilted your head for a cute sideways view of his face. He leaned toward you too, shyly closing the gap to touch his warm lips to your nose, then lower. You responded immediately, rolling your body with his so your chests met as he pulled you up into a full, deeper kiss. The longer you explored each other's mouths, the more Jungkook punctuated your movements with whimpers. He seemed hesitant to let his hands roam away from your face and neck, but his high, breathy moans made it clear that he was just as into this as you. Your hands had naturally found his taut waist, and at some point you started to bring them back up to his face too—but as your short nails grazed his chest, a particularly sensual, voice-cracking moan interrupted you. You drew back in slight surprise, blinking your eyes open to scan from his face to his body.

He followed your gaze, both slowly settling on the massive tent in his pants. You froze. Your breath grew heavier, confronted with evidence of his physical attraction to you, if nothing else. After regaining his composure, he laid a useless hand over his lap in a delicate attempt to distract you and brought his other hand up to tap your face lightly.

"Is this okay?"

His eyes glittered with equal parts hunger and concern.

"Yes!" you nodded, too quickly, too eagerly. "Yes, this is totally okay. Sorry if I'm being weird, I just...it's been a while." You cringed internally at your own words, but couldn't seem to avoid putting your foot further in your mouth. "I haven't really, like, hooked up like this before—like, I've had sex, but never really outside of a relationship. But don't worry, I get this is more your thing, and I'm totally down if you are. I just don't really know what I'm doing, and you clearly do."

Jungkook blinked at your admission, then his face twisted into something curious, inscrutable. Would he decide you weren't worth the potential for drama? His lips flattened out to a tight line, then pursed to speak, and you looked down at your lap, hoping he wasn't as embarrassed of you as you now were of yourself.

"Well, I've never had sex sober."

Your eyes flashed back up to his. A complex half-smirk offset the furrow in his brow as he exhaled in nervous relief. "So, I don't actually know what I'm doing here either."

You tried to delay your response as you processed the implications. "You mean..." You tilted your head for better eye contact, hoping to convey empathy but not pity while you silently contemplated how to proceed. "Never?"

"Yeah, I've always shown up to parties and the hookups just...happened. Nothing I didn't want, nothing bad like that, but always spontaneous. So I guess we're kind of meeting in the middle, because I've never really had to plan ahead for a situation like this and, uh, figure out what I want. Beyond, yknow, wanting to get laid in the moment, of course." Jungkook laughed off the end of his explanation, but the smile never quite hit his eyes.

"Well, okay, let's pause right there." You sighed. Something in his words didn't sit right with you. "What do you want? I want you to be sure about this, of course, but more than that, even—what do you like?"

"I..." he chuckled, sheepish, shaking his hair over his face again. "What, you want me to just tell you? Like, what I'm into?"

"Yeah," you shrugged, trying to project more confidence than you felt in hopes of encouraging him to keep opening up. "I want you to be able to communicate, I want you to be comfortable. And I want to know what you like, so I can make it as good for you as possible."

With your hands still laid flat on his chest, you felt his heart rate jump a tiny bit, and took the liberty of digging your nails in just slightly deeper. His breath caught him, and then he caught himself. "I don't know, I just want what you want."

Jungkook struggled to appear nonchalant as you rolled your eyes with an "Oh, come on," challenging his avoidance. Every instinct was telling him yes. He could hear his mind screaming at him to be intentional for once and let you take him, if not farther, then deeper than ever before. But he still hesitated, because being intentional in this case required him to be real. He had always been a fairly private person, but something about you made him feel so comfortable so fast that it counterintuitively made him more nervous. Of course Jungkook knew you weren't all innocent at this point, but the risk remained that you wouldn't really be down for everything he secretly wanted to explore. Even worse, though he didn't truly think you would, you could easily turn around and spin anything he revealed into yet another graphic rumor. Especially since you had no skin in the game yourself. He glanced down at your fingers, tensed into his chest, and narrowed his eyes.

"Why don't you tell me what you like first? And then I can tell you where we overlap," he grinned competitively. Your eyes widened as he tossed the challenge back your way. Not backing down, you flattened your hands and steeled yourself to settle the stakes.

"Fine—but only if you promise not to just go along with whatever I say. I'll let you know anything that's a hard no for me, but otherwise I want to hear at least one thing that's not on my list. I really do want what you want, that's how I am too, okay? So..." you paused to slide your fingertips over his collar and drag it down with a light scratch, now directly on his skin. You smiled with your eyes, enjoying the way he naturally responded with a hitch of his breath again. "Surely you can think of something specific."

He nodded quickly, before he could convince himself to back out. "Yeah. Promise."

"Okay," you confirmed, slightly nervous but determined to go through with this, for Jungkook's sake if anything. Seeing his body come alive with each new twist of the situation was building your curiosity, not to mention turning you on beyond belief. You could barely stand the warmth of his skin under your hands, so you drew them back to fold in your lap as you began. "So. Uh. To start. I've never really laid it all out like this either. I really like neck kisses? Like, a lot." Equally unused to this kind of directness, you wrung your hands together nervously, but sucked up the boldness to keep elaborating. "That's definitely, like, a big thing that turns me on...and then getting marked up and everything is really hot to me too. Like you can honestly go really rough with me on that, bite me even. I don't know if this is weird but even though it's annoying to cover up, I love taking off the makeup at the end of the day and seeing all the bruises on myself. Knowing I was walking around all day with that as my little secret." You swallowed shyly before continuing, but Jungkook interrupted the brief silence immediately with a hushed "Fuck."

You turned to face him fully and he didn't even move to meet your stare, eyeing the space above your sweatshirt's wide neckline like he was ready to devour you. Emboldened, your smile grew.

"So...yeah. I like being bitten, marked up. Mostly, uh," you rubbed a slightly trembling hand over your shoulder, "I'm just really into pain in general. Obviously not the bad 'I'm too dry and you're jackhammering me' kind of pain, or like, anal. Anal is a hard no. But things like biting, or hair pulling, or overstimulation. Or, like—I don't really know how to explain this, but...getting held too hard? That deep pain like when you get a massage when you're sore and it hurts but it's good, yknow?"

Jungkook looked like he was about to vibrate out of his skin, breathing shallow and rapid. His eyes flicked up to meet yours, just in time for you to whisper in conclusion:

"I love that feeling."

You suddenly looked away, reticent. A thick silence swelled between you, until he composed himself enough to punctuate it. "Okay. Yeah. Pain. So like, BDSM?"

"I mean, kind of? Sure? I don't have much experience with that and I don't really need the whole power dynamic aspect; I just like the, uh, physical pain. I wouldn't be opposed to trying further, but one thing I do know is I really don't like being degraded. And I'm not into the whole daddy kink thing either. I'm just not gonna call you that, sorry," you laughed, and fortunately he giggled too. "But I know that's not, like, necessary to the rest of BDSM, and the part about giving up control is still...interesting, for sure."

"Wait," Jungkook cocked his head, making a mental note of your last sentence before he went back to the previous one. "What do you mean, being degraded?"

You half-chuckled, half-cringed, never having needed to explain something like this, especially to a guy you hopefully were about to fuck. Cheers to better communication, you supposed.

"You know, how some people when they do dirty talk are like 'yeah, you little slut, you're such a whore.' I don't like being called any of that. Like it's fine that other people like it, there's nothing wrong with that, it's just really uncomfortable for me."

His brows knit together as you explained, and he shook his head so fast it almost looked cartoonish, like a little kid refusing vegetables. "Yeah, no. Don't worry, not really my thing either."

You sighed in relief. "That's nice. I feel like it's, like, weirdly common with guys. Maybe just the kind of thing people learn from porn."

"But you still like it rough, huh? Did you learn that...from porn?" he half-joked, trying to overcome both his shyness and his gritted-teeth arousal.

"No, I don’t like porn. Most of it’s really unethical. I learned from experience," you sassed back. "I don't have a whole lot, but enough to know what I like."

"Well. Hm." He worked his tongue over his teeth, poking one cheek out over his tensed jaw. You couldn't get enough of watching him grow fascinated by your every revelation, and you were preparing to keep pressing further when he beat you to it, posing a question. "Is there anything you haven't tried before, but really want to?"

Your face heated up instantly, tasting your own medicine. You looked back to your hands, breaking his intense eye contact to give yourself the courage to be even more uncomfortably honest. "I...I...um." Your first attempt at disclosing your fantasy came out as a squeak. Swallowing, you set your shoulders and tried again, selfishly reminding yourself Jungkook seemed so eager to please that this was 99% likely to get you exactly what you wanted. "I've always been, uh, really into the idea of, um, getting spanked. I've been, uh, too nervous to ever bring it up, before now obviously, but it's definitely one of the biggest kinks I've always wanted to try. Maybe being tied up too, I think I'd like it if I tried but I haven't thought about that as much. But, yeah...spanking, definitely."

"Fuuuuuuuuck."

A lengthened version of Jungkook's earlier under-breath exclamation made you peer up at him. Your thighs already pressed together from the tension of admitting something totally new, you found yourself needing even more friction just from the sight of Jungkook with his head thrown back on the couch, a veiny hand threaded in his hair to pull the long waves back from his forehead. The full reveal of his sharp eyebrows brought a whole new level of intensity to Jungkook's already beautifully carved features. He glanced over at you, then squeezed his eyes shut with a terse exhale. You couldn't place why, but you felt a deep attraction to the way he expertly restrained himself from acting on the lust written over his face—not under your control, but his own.

"Oh, fuck. What the fuck. How the fuck would you fucking know," he swore more in a single burst than he cumulatively had ever in your presence.

"What?" you toyed, heart rate still high but relaxed enough to enjoy agitating him. "Something ring a bell?"

Jungkook shuddered out a long breath, hand ruffling his hair as his other forearm still tried desperately to subdue his boner.

"Everything," he hissed, more willing to elaborate now that you had done the same, and especially now that he could tell you really did enjoy him being more assertive. "Shit. I...I want...I know you said not to just say this but I really do want everything you want. I can't wait to mark you up. I can't wait to hold you down and bruise your neck. I want it all, I want to make you hurt so good. And then—" Breathless. He looked almost embarrassed. "Then you had to go and somehow guess basically my biggest fucking kink, I can't fucking believe you." Both hands had come up to seize his long locks as he held himself back physically, while finally letting his guard down mentally to declare everything he intended to do to you. Letting out a short laugh, he finally met your eyes. "I wanna spank your ass bright red. Fuck. This is crazy. You're perfect."

Your core throbbed at every bold word. Leaning in close to him, you let your lips approach Jungkook's beautifully sculpted jawline as he panted, his chin tossed up to fully expose his neck. You stopped just short of his skin, in awe of how much you'd been able to work him up and still so tempted to take it to the next level. "Fuck," you echoed. "This is so hot," you murmured almost to yourself. Your eyes closing along with his, you dealt the final blow. "I love that we have so much in common. But come on, you promised. One thing that's not on my list."

Jungkook whined. You could tell he needed to touch you so badly, and no one was stopping him but himself. He had no way of knowing that if he cut the whole discussion and just took you, you wouldn't even try to resist at this point. Staring at his trembling mouth from below, you quickly averted your eyes when he opened his, pretending you hadn't been looking. He inhaled a short hiss, and then spoke.

"Okay..." He paused after just the first word, blowing air through the tiny "o" of his mouth as his eyes bugged slightly from nervousness. He couldn't resist a challenge, though, and his urge to please you overwhelmed his reluctance to peel back one more layer. "So, the pain thing. I think we, uh, feel the same about me giving and you receiving. But...I'm really into it for myself too. I don't know if you'd be comfortable with it, I know you maybe want me to be more dominant and I think I like that more too in general, but you can be as rough with me as you want back. I'd love that." Eyes still open but fluttering, Jungkook's tone grew breathier, heady as he confessed. You almost giggled at how bashfully he worded his desire to dominate you, to rough each other up, but the contrast was so hot you couldn't help sucking your bottom lip between your teeth, eager for him to continue. His voice lowered. "I love being scratched, marked, bitten...hit me, push me back, any kind of pain or any way you can hurt me, I want it." He shivered, but his voice firmed up even further. "I want it so bad."

You fought to stay motionless beside him, unable to even process how much more his honesty had turned you on. You felt helpless in your desire for him, your craving to give him everything he wanted and more. He noticed your charged stillness and shifted toward you, removing a hand from his hair to finally reach for your face. Threading his fingers through your hair instinctively like he had with his own, he tilted your head back to access your neck. Jungkook finally felt confident enough to tease you back as he skimmed his lips over your pulse point, tugging your skin between his teeth for a gentle first taste and grinning when you moaned. Seeing someone so satisfied, for reasons better than just his body or their pride, brought the most incredible rush of blood to his head. And his other head.

"And I get why you want it too," he finished with a whisper in your ear. "So trust me when I say I really, really want to give it to you."

In an instant, your hands yanked his hair down to bring his face up to yours, mouths crashing together. Feverish, restless, you kissed him, hastily attempting to straddle his thick thighs before he threw his body over yours and pinned you to the back of the couch. His hands wandered, intrepid, from your waist to a quick squeeze of your breasts before he spiraled you into his strong arms. Pressing your chest flush with his as your mouths meshed, he ground his hips into you shamelessly, enjoying the way you struggled beneath him to align your core with his rock-hard dick.

"Your room?" You rushed out the words.

Jungkook laughed a little, his tone half whine and half dare. "So we're done talking?"

"Come on," you pleaded back. He finally relented, pulling you up with him and dragging you across the living room and through his door, lips not leaving yours for a second. You backed him into the bed with your arms against his strong chest, and once he was sitting perched on the edge, you laid yourself horizontally over his thighs.

"What are you doing?" he murmured, curling a hand over the dip of your waist to hold you gently.

You angled your head back to make unsteady eye contact with him, flipping your shorts down boldly. His free hand automatically reached to slowly conform to the shape of your ass, so eager to touch you but tentative as he grazed your curves.

"Giving you exactly what you want."

"Fuck. Really? You're sure about this?" Jungkook held careful eye contact as you brought your arms back up, crossing your wrists over your head delicately. You nodded slightly and did your best to meet his gaze with confident invitation, convincing him how much you trusted and wanted him.

He smoothed his warm hand over your ass one more time, then brought it up and watched your thighs tighten at the loss of his touch. Breathing in, still a little shakily, he brought his hand down on your right cheek with a loud but mild smack. A grunt of satisfaction involuntarily left him when he saw your face flinch down into the sheets, subduing a small noise of surprise. He returned his hand to caress the light redness he'd left, checking in with you again. "Is this okay? Let me know if I should stop."

You replied with your face still tucked between your arms, muffled by the bed. "More than okay. Please don't stop."

He spanked you again, moving to your left cheek. This time you felt his dick twitch under you and couldn't help grinding down on him a little bit. "Is that as hard as you can go?" you taunted in low tones, brave enough to egg him on but not quite enough to meet his eyes again.

Jungkook's thighs and core tensed under you, and he squeezed his fingertips tighter, digging into the skin of your ass. "Not at all," he said simply.

Deep breath. A few seconds passed, and his hand came down, harshly. You cried out in shock, the timing unexpected and the sting far sharper, and he gave your other cheek a fourth hard smack before you could even process the third one. "Harder?" he tested. "Tell me."

Another spank. "Mmmf."

"You like this, huh?"

"Yes, I told you," you whimpered back, half-teasing even though you were in no position to do so. Immediately, he cut you off with a stinging hit across both cheeks, and you moaned.

"You really do," he breathed lowly. "Fuck yeah. Take it then."

He spanked you again, and again, then paused, tugging down your shorts all the way to your ankles to expose the crease right above your thighs. Rubbing your already sore bottom, Jungkook cupped the underside of its curve in his big, firm hand. Already anticipating your whine, he drew back his touch and hummed in harmony with you. He continued landing satisfyingly hard smacks, alternating to cover your ass evenly. His dick strained through his pants more and more each time you trembled under his touch. Never hitting you hard enough to do serious damage, he still clearly enjoyed his thorough reddening of your ass, and occasionally took a moment just to caress your skin as it warmed from the spanking. The pain lit your senses up from head to toe. Face burning with deep arousal, you mentally thanked yourself for going out of your comfort zone and unprecedentedly admitting your kinks before even venturing into your first time together. Amidst the thrilling sting of his hand meeting your soft curves, Jungkook eventually noticed your thighs clenching together, craving friction but not really wanting relief from the pleasurable burn.

"You're wet," he marveled, sliding two warm fingers up and down your slit.

"Mhm," you mumbled back as you tilted your hips into his hand. He gave you a light slap right on the folds between your legs, eliciting another soft moan.

"So good for me," Jungkook said softly, pulling you up into his lap by your waist. "You look so pretty like this. I wanna see all of you." He tugged your sweatshirt over your head, followed by your sports bra, thankful that it stretched over your head easily. Suddenly grinning, he wound up and shot it across the room like a rubber band, and you smacked his arm, giggling.

"What was that? You cheeseball," you teased, and he blinked, chuckling lightly back. It occurred to him that he'd never laughed, or made someone laugh, during sex before.

"It was so stretchy! Don't make fun of me," he blushed.

"You're so cute," you said, fingers sliding under his t-shirt hem.

"Cute?" His eyebrows rose in mock disbelief, and he reached around to land another hit to your still-red asscheek.

"Hot," you amended. Raising his shirt and finally getting a full glimpse of his enviable abs, you groaned. "You're extremely hot, and also really cute, and it's kind of ridiculous and I don't really know how to handle all of it at once."

His face scrunching up into a smile at the praise, he fell back onto the bed with his arms behind his head. "You are too, you know. Really cute, of course. But really hot too." As you discarded his shirt and moved on to easing his sweatpants down his hips, you held in a gasp as his erection sprung up from the waistband. He was big, thick, and painfully hard, his tip glistening warm with precum and a lone vein running prominently up his smooth shaft. Although you wouldn't be corroborating them, you had to admit to yourself that all the rumors were true. You instinctively curled a hand around it, barely covering half his length, and he winced at your slightest touch. Pulling off with a single slow stroke, you slid his sweatpants and briefs all the way to the floor and then stood, looking up from his legs to his blown-out eyes to take in the glorious sight of his fully naked body.

"You shave," you said, surprised by the clean skin under his arms and between his legs.

"Yeah," he demurred, self-conscious for some reason. He lowered his arms to fold them over his torso, somehow defining his biceps even more. "I'm on the dance team, and it's nice to feel all smooth for practice and stuff. I don't know, I just like it."

"Oh, that's cool! No worries, I like it too. And you don't mind that..." You looked down at yourself, still just standing naked in front of him. "...I don't? Like, down there at least."

"No, you do you!" he said quickly. With a shy smile, he admitted, "I actually kind of like it on you. I do this for me, anyway, not for anyone else," he playfully noted. Slowly, he was sitting up to take hold of your waist and lower you down to the bed with him. Pausing to kiss the sweet spot under your jaw, he continued. "So don't feel like you have to do anything, or not do anything, either."

Jungkook couldn't quite explain the nature of how his attraction to you had developed. Seeing how open and honest you were with him made it easy for him to be honest with you too, and just to feel comfortable being himself. He admired the way he could still tell you sometimes got nervous like him, but it didn’t stop you from getting real or going bolder. Unable to fully express it in words, he just hoped to ensure you felt as comfortable and respected around him as he did around you. He already knew that he wanted this to be more than just a one-time thing, and while he still hesitated to assume that you felt the same, he intended to leave no doubt by the end of the night.

You moaned as he nipped at the skin of your neck. It was so easy to get swept back up in Jungkook. You could barely handle the friction of his dick rutting against your wet folds from below, craving him inside you. "Ughhh. Wait, one more thing. I'm on the pill, are you clean?"

"Yes," he gasped, barely removing his mouth from your jaw. "Are you?"

"Yeah, so we don't need a condom. If that's cool with you!"

"Yeah! But, you're ready?" He seemed surprised.

"Aren't you?" you whined, beyond holding back. He felt so unbearably hard that his coherence and willpower kind of surprised you too. "Please, I want you so bad."

To your surprise, he lowered his head to the crest of your legs, dotting wet kisses down your torso. Keeping his big brown eyes on you, he teased your entrance with a finger and echoed your immediate groan at the welcome stretch.

"You really are ready," he remarked, awed at the ease with which your wetness sucked the digit in. Frankly, you were in awe as well. It had taken your ex-boyfriend months to figure out how to get you this worked up. Jungkook either had even more experience than you'd heard from the grapevine, or he was a natural. Or maybe you were just really, ridiculously, primally attracted to him. He went on to curve his finger in you and lick a messy swipe up your folds, sucking hard once he reached your sensitive clit. You cried out at the delicious burst of stimulation and he rose up to catch your lips with his.

"I had to do that, just once," he grinned breathlessly. "But—"

"Let me suck you off," you interjected, unbelievably fucking turned on and dying to please him.

"No," he gasped with far more fervency than you'd think anyone could refuse a blowjob. "Please, I was about to say—" he choked out a high-pitched moan as you ran a single finger up his shaft in anticipation, sinking the nails of your other hand into his thigh. "—I think I'm gonna explode if I don't get inside you right this second."

So he did have a breaking point. "Fuck," you muttered, bringing your legs around his to tuck your heels under his tight ass as he lined up. He eased his tip in, keeping heavy eyes on you the whole time, and you could feel the hot, thick tension in his thighs as he struggled to hold himself back from just thrusting into your heat. Slowly, he drew closer into you until he bottomed out with a low moan. You whined at the perfect slight pain of the stretch, and Jungkook squeezed his eyes shut, gripping you by your waist. Watching the veins in his forearms stand out as he drove almost all the way out and back into you, you rocked your hips carefully against his with each smooth stroke, getting used to his fullness. When his balls met your ass again, he shuddered a bit and opened his eyes into yours.

You answered his question before he could even ask it. "Jungkook—you feel so good. You can go faster, it's okay."

A smile hit his eyes before his mouth, and he kissed you once, pressing his chest to yours and intertwining your tongues eagerly. You bit his bottom lip as he slowly drew away, tugging it between your teeth to pull a sweet little whimper from his throat. Grinning, he leaned back in to touch his forehead to yours and simultaneously slid a subtle hand under your ass to curve your hips up with his. The slight leftover sensitivity of your skin amplified his light touch, and Jungkook seemed to realize this, curling his fingers to tease you with the tips of his nails. Instinctively, you ducked to bite his neck, not even registering your move to pass the pain back to him until he choked out a beautifully half-restrained moan and snapped his hips into yours. Gasping, you encouraged him to lose himself in you, dragging your lips up to latch around his earlobe. He hissed and thrust into you sharply again, meeting the time of your movements as you swirled your tongue between each of his hoop earrings. Soon he was pounding you rhythmically, finally letting you feel the full force of his strength but keeping remarkable control over both his body and yours. Both of you had gone silent except for your heavy breaths, lost in the moment, but the flexed shivers of his thighs and twitches of his fingers in your hair told you all you needed to know. Suddenly yanking your strands to pull you back from the additional bruise you'd sucked beneath his ear, he earned a new set of scratches on his back as your hands dragged down the muscular expanse in reply. Jungkook switched places with you to draw dark clouds from your skin, a storm brewing under your jaw. Your face fell into pure bliss, eyes shut and immersed in the barrage of sensation from his hands, mouth, and big dick filling you. Already feeling the familiar tension that preceded an orgasm building through your whole body, you chased him closer to his climax too, grinding back roughly into every thrust and raking your hands over every part of his firm body you could reach.

You had really been fooling yourself when you thought you could try something casual for once. You wanted more of Jungkook, all of Jungkook, nothing but Jungkook ever again. Knowing he'd never even gone back to the same hookup twice sank slight anxiety into your stomach, a kind of future nostalgia for this moment you already feared losing. You knew you weren't anything special compared to the catalogue of gorgeous girls he'd had his turn with, but a deviant voice whispered from the back of your mind that you could be, because it was clear none had bothered to learn him like this. You'd still try your desperate best not to want too much from him, but you resolved to do whatever you could to make him crave more.

Rolling your hips in a smooth circle against him, you clenched around his dick and your hands tightened their fierce hold on his tiny waist. You felt his abs tense within your grasp as he tried not to stutter into you.

"Fuck. No." His voice cracked, but held an undertone of ferocity. "You come first." Jungkook rushed a hand to your clit, adding pressure in small, deft motions with a fingertip as he kept fucking you deep. You sank your teeth into his shoulder in response, drawing your hands up his back to clutch him closer to you, and Jungkook cried out. You left your mouth on his golden skin to stifle your moans as he sped up his fingers, and he tried to let you stay there but eventually couldn't help pulling you off him to see your face. Eyes narrowed and eyebrows turning up sharp at the ends, he watched you like a hawk to track the exact moment when he pushed you over the edge. Your face crumpled and you felt your whole body burn under his gaze as you came, squeezing around him in waves of pleasure while he fucked you through your high, unrelenting. Drinking up the bliss obvious on your features, Jungkook's eyes never left yours and his expression grew more and more fucked out. You marveled at how even as you lost control and energy to fuck him back, your body freezing in orgasm seemed to turn him on further. One last pulse of the tension leaving your core made his dick throb inside you, and you impulsively broke your eye contact to lean in and bite down slow but hard on his neck again. He gasped.

"You're amazing." Murmuring into his skin, you kissed the bite marks gently. Jungkook whimpered at the sweet contradiction and lurched into your hips even harder. You recovered to move with him, squeezing him deeper into you every time he bottomed out, and as his breathless moans escalated in pitch, his whole body shivered with each stroke. Pressing wet, heavy kisses all over his neck, you felt his jaw flutter while his lips hung open. His considerable strength spent, Jungkook shuddered one last hard thrust into you and finally let go, coating your walls from within. His hips lightly rocked against yours as he stayed deep inside you, still hard and savoring the euphoric release he'd held back for so long. You felt so incredibly warm and comfortable around his sensitive dick, relaxed but still holding him tight, and he couldn't help holding you up for a languid kiss before pulling out of you smoothly.

He briefly looked into your eyes, and you saw stars. The sun had continued to set outside, and it peeked between the blinds of his window to wrap you both in a warm, slivered glow. Staring down at his hands on your body, Jungkook took a deep breath and collapsed to your side, holding you close. You settled into him, cupping a hand over his head on your chest. With your fingers laced through his sweaty hair, you stroked his temple with your thumb, worrying for a second whether the gesture seemed too intimate but forgetting your fear when he snuggled up into your touch. You felt the need to say something, to figure out what the fuck was next after this, but stayed silent, not wanting to disturb the comforting weight of his frame. Heartbeat still racing, Jungkook stretched out to breathe a long sigh. As he sank back into you, you stretched under him too, letting his solid, warm body drape over you like a blanket. This couldn't be farther from what you'd expected with him, but you weren't about to make it stop. Surely, eventually, he would.

A minute passed. And then five. And then, before either of you could talk yourselves out of it, you were asleep, intertwined.

[hubbie22]

Tears Ricochet Pt 3

Tagged: @jennyggggrrr

A/N: let me know if anyone wants to be tagged! Enjoy my angsty sad trash 😊

Everyone around Liv changed, from the person they used to be to who they were now. In those five years she spent comatose, they were growing and finding themselves.

Now, it was her turn.

“What excited you before the accident?” Dr Styles asks her one day, it seemed like an odd question for a doctor to ask his patient. “What did you enjoy?”

Her brows knit together as she thinks, “I loved photography.” She majored in Art History in uni, and from what she could remember she was a photographer for a magazine. She could remember tagging along on a few tours with the boys, taking candid photographs. That seemed like another lifetime ago, and in truth it was. Her face lights up, “It used to be my job.”

“You should get back to it.”

“Yeah?” She hangs on his words, but then she remembers how she approached everyone. “You should tell that to my friends.”

“I can’t keep depending on y’all for a free handout.”

Freddie rolls his eyes, “Nonsense! Don’t be dramatic! Besides, I can’t legally adopt you. I checked.”

Liv looks at him, “Are you joking?”

Freddie deadpans, “No.”

“I’m almost 30 years old.”

“And your point?” Freddie says with a mischievous grin.

“You aren’t finished with PT and your hospital appointments.” Chrissie says she looks like a frazzled mother. “Bloody hell! You’ve been up for a few months!”

Promoting Brian to follow with a logical explanation, “You can’t work, no company would be flexible enough to allow you to juggle the amount of appointments you have.”

John looks more sympathetic, “You need to have something that’s not handed to you?”

“Yeah, Deaks.”

“Well we can work that out, can’t we?” Veronica says with a small smile, always the chipper one. Always positive, glass half full type.

Of course, what was worked out was Freddie giving you an allowance for running errands. You really were their child.

“I’ll speak with them. I think it could help you readjust to life. It will also give you a sense of the normality you used to have.”

“You think I could?” It’s a veiled question. It’s loaded with the unsaid thought, you think I could be normal?

“I think you have all the tools to be successful, I think you also have the personality to put this behind you.”

“I wish my friends felt the same way.” She sighs, she was growing tired of their incessant worrying. “They treat me like their child. You know they proposed I stay a week with each of them?” She huffs, “Fred, Deaks, Ronnie, Chris, and Bri devised a plan to share custody of me. Me! An adult! I even heard Freddie enquiring to Miami, the band’s lawyer, if he could adopt me! It started as a joke between us, but he seriously wanted to know!”

He chuckles, before he turns to her. She’s clearly upset, but she needs to understand that they only do so much because they care. “They love you.” He wanted to finish the sentence with and it��s easy to see why, but that would be unprofessional and unethical. “They are being careful, as they should be. Your mind is healing, and so is your body. What you went through was mentally and physically traumatic. Not only that, everything you thought you knew vanished, when you woke up. You can’t blame them for handling you like they have.”

“You think Liv needs a job?” Chrissie looks at the man like she has two heads. She and Brian are sitting on the two chairs flanking Liv, looking like worried parents as Dr Styles briefs them.

“I think she needs independence.” Dr Styles says with a pointed look. “And a job can be that form of independence Olivia needs to feel like she isn’t a burden.”

“I don’t know if that’s a good idea, from what I’ve read assimilating to normalcy to early can cause regression-”

“With all due respect, Mr May, I am the neurologist here. We all want Olivia to be happy and healthy, correct?” Brian and Chrissie nod their heads, “As I thought, then don’t drag her into a depressed state under the guise of helping her. Because that’s what is happening here.”

“What do you even want to do?” Brian looks at her, and she feels like a child getting in trouble. “Have you even thought about that? What if you want to go back to school? Which you could do-”

She interrupts him, “What I used to do, Brian.”

“I’ve already contacted the magazine Olivia worked for, they are more than happy to welcome her back. They are more than willing to accommodate her appointments.” Dr Styles looks at her, and she mouths a thank you to him.

“Well, Brian and I can’t fight that.” Chrissie says with a small smile on her lips, as she watches the way Dr Styles looks at Liv.

The conversation with Freddie, Mary, Ronnie, and Deaky about her new found employment went down fairly well. They accepted it, and for the first time she felt like she was going in the right direction. Maybe they noticed the change in her, when she came home from that first day. A new camera hanging off her neck and a megawatt grin plastered on her face. And how she went from feeling like she was so far behind them, she was no longer paused. She was finally trekking down the intended path, instead of being motionless in the void.

“Surprised you don’t have that old camera around your neck.” Marcus’s fingers grazed over the shiny black metal casing her new camera. She remembered him when he came back from assignment, it felt nice to see a familiar face in the office that wasn’t her boss. And the time apart, did nothing to hinder their working relationship. They picked up where they left off.

“You were attached to that bloody thing, like it was an extension of you.” All it took was one sentence to bring back the memories of that camera, and who bought it for her.

“Open mine!” Roger says with a twinkle in his bright blue eyes, he had been on pins and needles for months about her Christmas present.

She tears open the poorly wrapped paper, Roger was many things- a master gift wrapper was not one of them. She’s greeted with that camera she’d been looking at in the shop window for the better part of six months. She’s practically flying across the space between them to hug him. “This is amazing! Thank you! Thank you!”

“That was ONE year worth of Reaction gigs.” He says, quite impressed with himself.

“Now I can immortalize you in film!” She says happily as she snaps a picture of him. Blonde hair sticking out everywhere in his mismatched pjs, a beautiful sight on Christmas morning.

“Happy Christmas, Livie.”

“I don’t even know where it is, don’t even know where to start.” Her mind comes out of the memory of a time long gone.

“Start with that mansion you used to live in.” Marcus says, “I’d start there.”

She wondered if Roger threw out that camera, like she assumed he had done with her clothes. Because the moment she stepped over the threshold of Garden Lodge, her room was lifeless slate; devoid of personality. Because of this, she assumed Roger threw out all of her belongings or simply gave them away. It took one look at her for Freddie to decide that she needed a new wardrobe. And she was never one to turn down a chance to go shopping, it reminded her of the old times, when Fred and Rog had their Kensington stall. She knew something was off when Deaky told her he had possession of her dad’s records. She knew there was something more to that, something Deaky wouldn’t tell her. And she let that be, because what’s the point of dragging up something Deaky clearly didn’t want her not to know.

She wondered if Roger erased every trace of her from the Surrey house.

“Really?” Liv looks at him, they were going to go from a two bedroom flat to buckingham palace? “I didn’t know the Queen was selling one of her properties.”

“Oh come on, Livie! It’s bloody brilliant!” His blue eyes dance with the possibilities of the future they could have here. He’s dragging her around every room, his voice echoing of the emptiness. He’s already pointing out what would go where.

“And the kids have their own rooms.”

That caught her off guard, “Kids?”

“Well, yeah!” He opens up the door to one of the superfluous bedrooms in the ten bedroom home. Sunlight pours in from the windows. “Imagine your hair, my eyes, my talent our kids will rule the world.”

“I guess I don’t have talent?” She punches him in the shoulder.

“In other areas.” He wiggles his eyebrows suggestively.

She rolls her eyes, pretending she didn’t hear him.

“Well what do you think?”

“It’s very practical.” She says with a shit eating grin. “Save us loads on heating. And a garage for every one of your lovies.”

“You’ll always be my number one.” He pokes her cheek, and bops her nose.

“Yeah, yeah. Keep it in your pants.” She pushes him off.

“What do ya say?”

“I’ve always wanted to live like the Addams Family, I suppose.”

“We are very creepy and kooky.”

“This it?” The gruff voice startled her back into reality. She could go anywhere she wanted, and yet she couldn’t go home.

“Yeah.” She says handing the man his money. She exits the car, she can hear the gravel crunching as her legs carry her to the front door. It was an alien feeling, ringing the doorbell to what was once your house.

The door opens after what seems like years, and she’s facing Roger. “Livie.” He slips back into his old nickname for her so easily. He looks like he wants to pull her across the doorway and into a hug, like he used when he came back from touring.

But he doesn’t.

“Can I?” Her teeth are chattering from the cold.

“ ‘m must be freezing!” He says as he steps to the side letting her walk into the foyer. “Come on, let’s get some tea in you, yeah?” He takes her coat, and hangs it on the bare rack. She wonders if they get any visitors? Have the sounds of the wild parties been replaced with the sounds of baby toys and children shows?

He leads her to the kitchen, she notices the cabinets are no longer light, but now dark. The whole of the kitchen is completely re-done, it’s no longer light and airy, but dark and chic. The whistle of the kettle startles her from looking at the kitchen, and him from looking at her. “Here.” He lays out two mugs, “And of course the most sugar for you.” His eyes twinkle as he overloads her tea with sugar.

“Surprised you remember.” She blows on the teacup, relishing the warmness pooling in her hands.

“Kinda hard to forget, you like sugar with a splash of earl grey.” He gives her a cocky grin, before he motions her to follow him to the living room.

She walks down the hallway and into the living room, none of the pieces of furniture she bought for the house stayed intact. All of it was replaced with new pieces, emulating the French countryside in an English country home. Ironic. She smiled when she saw the maroon colored antique couch she bought at a Kensington market so long ago.

She settles down on the couch, “You kept it.”

He sits across from her on some chairs, she remembered Roger picked out. “ ‘Course I kept.” She wants to ask if this was the only thing he kept of hers? Since, he threw everything else out.

The silence around them is deafening, so many emotions and unsaid feelings hanging between them.

“So, I’ve been working at the magazine.” She looks around her, seeing the frames that used to house pictures of her and Roger have been replaced with Roger’s new life. She swallows the bitter bile that raises up in her throat.

He smiles at that, remembering how much she loved her job.“Fred told me, I’m proud of you. You always enjoyed what you did.”

“Marcus mentioned my old camera and I thought it might be here.” She cuts right to the chase, she didn’t want to be in this house longer than she absolutely had to. “Do you have it?”

He runs his hands through his hair, “ ‘M sorry Livie, but-”

“But, what?”

“I dropped it.”

She let out a breath, she didn’t even know she was holding in. “What do you mean you dropped it? That camera cost you one year of reaction gigs? How can you drop something that was in a case, anyway?”

He looks at her with those damn puppy dog eyes, she knows that look. It’s the look he used to give her when he wanted forgiveness. “I had taken it out of the case, see if you had film in it. Dom wanted to look at it and it happened so fast.”

“You lied.”

“What?”

“You said you broke it, but you didn’t.”

Roger tries to reason with her, “It was an accident.” But she will have none of it. She knows he isn’t telling her the truth. It was so very like Roger to skirt around it, telling bits of it to make his conscious lighter.

“Just like it was an accident, that John ended up with my dad’s old records?”

He was taken aback by that, she can practically see the guilt radiate off of him. “I was in a bad place. I wasn’t myself.” He bites his lip, “For the first two years, I listened to those records before every show. My way of keeping you with me.” He looked at her, a little smile playing on his lips, “Bloody hell it hurt. It was like I was flayed open, and every nerve ending going off. And I just had too...” He can’t look at her for the next part, “A roadie told me that if I wanted to forget, he had something. And for the first night, I could look at a woman and not see your face. And it felt good... so good not to be flayed open for a few hours.”

Her eyes began to water, so she bites her lower lip to keep the tears from pouring down. And for the first time, it’s Roger that is broken. But like all things concerning him, whatever he is feeling she takes on. “So, I threw them out. I threw them out thinking. I packed everything I had of you up. I figured if I buried myself in coke and groupies, I wouldn’t feel so raw and open.”

She stands up, she can’t believe him. “Did I really mean that little to you?” She asks, voice cracking.

“You meant everything to me. How could you ever doubt that?” He’s holding her face in his hands, and she can feel every one of his calluses on her cheeks. He has more than she remembered, another sign of time slipping away.

“Meant as in past tense.” She takes his hands off of her cheeks, “Something that’s over, that’s done now.... like us.” She steps away from him, “You put me in something that meant to you, when you trashed my dad’s records. And I didn’t mean everything, when packed my whole life into boxes. Just like all the other things you don’t want to want remember, you filed me along with everything else that meant something to you.”

“No, please don’t think that… please.” She’s opening already headed to the foyer, determined to get the hell out of this house. But, Roger won’t let her go. It’s ironic, that he was so eager to once. And now he can’t. “I was high and just dead inside, I went back for them. I’d always go back. And John had them, because he knew. He knew, I’d always find my way back to you.”

She whips around, looking at him. He looks like the scared little boy, she used to know. “But you didn’t, you didn’t come back this time.”

“I wanted too, bloody hell I wanted too.” She wonders if he is going to start crying. His blue eyes are glassy. “The worst thing I ever did was what I did to you. And I’ve done some shitty things. Telling you about my life now, watching you try to understand and accept that I gave up on you. I couldn’t hold onto you, without killing myself.” He tries to hold onto her hand, but she pulls it away. He flinches at her reaction to him. “‘M so sorry that for the first time in a lifetime, I can't come back to you.”

Her voice is breaking, “Would you? If you could, would you?” An unanswered question hanging in the air. Would you trade what you have now, for what you had?

“I- I don’t know if I could. It’s like half of me is screaming to keep you, whatever the cost. But, the other half of me can’t do that. But then I think of not having you in my life as anything, not even my best friend. And I’m angry at myself, at the world- at how cruel time can be.” There it was the truth laid bare.

“When you feel that way you should look what time and the world have brought you.” She tries to smile, but she doesn’t have the energy. “As much as I want you to say you’d change it, that you’d come back to me…. I don’t think you would.” She bites her lip, a nervous habit. “Not now, not after knowing what it’s like to have a family of your own. Having what you always wanted, what you craved but never had.” She opens up the door, “Goodbye, Rog.”

Between appointments with Dr Styles, and work she kept busy. She kept herself away from Roger, it was easier that way. It was easier than pretending she wasn’t dying inside, every time she saw him and Felix. It was better that way. She was better that way.

“She’s sick? Again?” She can hear Roger’s voice waft up the grand staircase of Garden Lodge. “I brought Felix to see her.” He sounds defeated, because he pulled out the big guns this time.

“Liv seems to always be feign illness, when you pop by Roger darling.”

“What the fuck happened between you two?” Leave it John to be the one who would cue to the chase. “One minute she’s playing on the floor with your kid, next minute she doesn’t want to see you.”

“She showed up the other day at the Surrey House.”

Freddie made a gasp that could belong in a soap opera. “Oh my the scandal! Liv showing up announced! None of your gentlemen callers will want you now, that you have been left sullied by an unchaperoned visit!”

“Shut it, Fred.” Roger’s voice is low.

“Some guy at work told her about her camera. She wanted it and I had to tell her Dom broke it. It somehow all went up in flames after that.”

“You have a tendency of doing that.” Brian quips with a snort.

“What exactly did you do, Rog?” Freddie asks

“Isn’t it obvious?” Deaky scoffs. “He told her the truth, the whole truth. Didn’t you, Rog? He had to tell her about the drugs, the women, and how he basically had a massive purge of her from his life.”

“Deaky, darling, don’t be rude.”

“I’m being honest.”

“So was I.” Roger says flatly. “And it cost me everything.”

“Your short term and long term memory seem to be functioning at a normal rate.” Dr Styles says, as he jots down notes on his chart.

“That’s good, right?”

“It’s excellent, Olivia.” He’s the only one to call her by her full name. It makes her feel like someone else. “So much so, I’m signing your release forms.”

This shocked her, she hadn’t expected to be released only nine months after waking up. She thought she would be in and out of hospital for years.

“Really?”

“Consider yourself officially discharged from my care.” He says as he hands her the paperwork. “Of course, you will have your routine checkups with your primary, but no more weekly visits.”

“I’ll miss those visits. For a time, it was the only stability I had.” She hops off the exam table, “Alright, I guess this is goodbye, Dr Styles.” She extends her hand for him to shake.

He didn’t want to say goodbye. “It doesn’t have to be.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well you aren’t my patient anymore, that means anything is possible.”

Her brow raises, “Anything?”

“Like is having dinner tomorrow night at seven?” He says hopeful, and praying to whatever god above he didn’t just ruin this. Because he was smooth with the nurses here, he’d even go as far to say he was popular. But, bloody hell she made him nervous.

She laughs, “I’d like that.”

[hoodharlow]

“Listen, I really don’t like you, but you have my Moose.”

AN: I stole and tweaked the line from a request I sent @mashlums​ (“Listen, I really don’t like you, but you have kittens, so I’m going to be over a lot.”). This is part of @sadistmichael​ Michael Fic Week. This is what I had originally planned, but it came to me. This is part of an upcoming mini series that I have planned.

Warnings: awkward tension, brief mentions of sex

Word Count: almost 2k

Celeste looked at Hunter in shock. She just couldn’t wrap it around her head. She was forced to leave the clinic for a mandatory two week vacation and Harry Styles visited. All because her best friend accidentally stole Calum Hood’s dog.

She looked over the files for the appointments she had. It was going to be a slow day. Mostly vaccines and a physical, which was the first appointment of the day.

She removed her lab coat and draped it over her computer chair. She had to start claiming a stool because families would come in with three or more members, plus their pet, leaving her chairless. She needed the chair. Especially when she was looking at a small animal and didn't want to crouch over them. One of her mentors in vet school explained that crouching over animals made them feel intimidated which was why they tended to feel uncomfortable at vet visits. She reached for her iced matcha latte and took a quick sip, listening to her best friend talk about her 'soul mate.'

She didn't want to be a Debby downer, so she let Hunter go off.

The last time Celeste believed she 'found' her soulmate was a college party her senior year. She thought she met the coolest guy ever. He was nothing like the guys she usually found at those parties. The guy seemed kind, well traveled, open minded and sensible. She had created this whole image of who she thought he was. But boy was she wrong. He turned out to be some lying jerk that was looking for a quick fuck. As they say in Mean Girls, 'he doesn't even go here.' No he belonged to some rock band Hunter’s little sister listened to.

“... It was so unexpected, I don’t even know. It just fucking happened.” Hunter said shyly. 

Celeste was only half listening but knew that glint in her eyes, she was really infatuated with the guy. She could tell that the connection Hunter had with the singer was deeper than what she told her.  

“I imagine.” Celeste laughed. “Ask him if he has any single friends for your adorable veterinarian friend."

"Obviously."

They chatted up for a bit, joking that Hunter was going to hook her up with Zayn just so they would make them do a mini One Direction reunion concert, until it was time for the clinic to open.

Hunter's family owned a dog sanctuary that also had a pet clinic and dog park across the street. Celeste had fallen in love with helping animals since the first time Hunter's mom helped her mend a bird's wing when their families went camping when they were younger. In high school, she volunteered at the sanctuary and sometimes shadowed Hunter's mom in surgeries. Fast forward to now she's 26 and on her way to make partner. 

One of the vet techs knocked at her door.  "Dr. Montenegro, your eleven o'clock is here." 

"Of course, send them in." Celeste smiled.

"If you wanted me to leave, you should have said it and not faked an appointment." Hunter faked being hurt. 

"I'll see you at 'Case del Cafe.'" Celeste rolled her eyes at her. 

Hunter walked out, so Celeste quickly read over the file. She smiled to herself when she saw the animal's picture clipped to the files. It was Moose. She remembered like it was just yesterday that she was saying goodbye to her because she had found her forever home. She was nearly a year old then.

Moose was one of the most precious animals she had ever encountered. She was friendly to anyone that approached her. 

"Dr. Montenegro, here's the patient." The vet tech said. They held open the door for Moose and her owner. 

Celeste nearly dropped her clipboard when she saw who it was.

***

Michael never forgot a face. Especially one that was under him. He saw how her hands tightly gripped the clipboard, knowing she had a strong grip. His back was scratched and sore after spending the night with her.

"Could you please place your pet on the examining table?" Celeste asked after a moment. 

Michael nodded and picked up Moose, placing her where Celeste needed her. He watched her slip on some gloves and grab her stethoscope. 

"Long time no see, huh." Michael awkwardly said. He hated absolute silence. He would rather make awkward conversation than to be surrounded by complete silence. "Last time I saw you was…”

"When I was asleep in my dorm room back in Davis." She added curtly.

"Right…"Michael licked his lips trying to think of something else to say. "About that night—”

"How did you end up with Moose? The person that adopted her was an Irish woman who ran a doggie mom lifestyle blog." She asked him. She raised Moose, so she was standing and checked her pulse. 

"That would be my ex." He chuckled. "We broke up and I kept Moose. I didn't know she came from here until I saw her picture on the 'Fur-Ever Home' wall." Celeste hummed and kept examining Moose.

Michael sat on one of the chairs and thought back to that night.

The band had a show at UC Davis. It was part of the university's concert festival. He had spotted her with a group of girls. One of them held a poster that said 'Let's fucking dance in my bed, Calum Hood.'

Celeste was probably the only person in the quad that was sitting down. He tried getting her attention the entire set list, but no dice. She was literally on a picnic blanket typing away on her laptop. He sent one of the band's security to give her his number. When they handed her the post-it note, she laughed at their face and sent them back.

Later that night, the guys snuck out of their hotel to go to a party some fraternity was hosting. Celeste was also there; it was like destiny was giving him another chance to redeem himself.

"Hi, I'm Michael." He said approaching her. 

"Celeste," She said coolly. "Have we met? You look familiar… Wait, are you in Dr. Singh's biological anatomy class?"

"Uh…" He didn't know what to say. He felt relieved that she didn't recognize him in a way. Like he could be himself without being scrutinized through a microscope.

He didn't know how, but he spent the better half of the party listening to her talk about how much she loves animals and her hopes of becoming a veterinarian. He learned that when she wasn't volunteering at the school's vet clinic or working at Asi es la Vida, a clothing boutique where a bunch of rich ladies shopped, she was studying. She joked about how earlier in the evening some dumb band served as good white noise for her to study.

"Do you wanna dance?" She randomly asked him.

"I'm not the best." He replied honestly.

"Dude, it's not like we're dancing bachata or quebradita." She laughed. She reached for his hand and guided him to the makeshift dance floor of the fraternity's living room. She turned around and placed his hands on her waist before wrapping  her arms around him and smiling sweetly at him. "Just follow my lead."

'Aullando' filled the room. Celeste pushed herself closer to Michael's waist, guiding him. She swayed her hips to the beat of the music. 

The way her hips moved against him left Michael with thoughts of what she's capable of doing in a more private place with fewer clothes. 

Their eyes met once the song ended. Michael slowly leaned down to meet her lips, but Celeste was impatient. She pulled him into an urgent kiss. One that left them wanting more of each other. 

Neither knew how they ended back in Celeste's dorm so fast. It didn't matter. What did matter was their need to be naked and savoring each other’s bodies. That was how their night ended after three rounds of passion, urgency, and unexpected feelings.

Michael woke the following morning cramped in a small bed. He looked around, unsure of his surroundings. He saw her face, nearly covered in his hoodie, and it all came back to him. The mini concert, the frat party, and her on all fours chanting his name.

He found his phone on the charger and checked the time. 8:34. He cursed and began getting dressed. The band needed to check out from their hotel rooms at 9:30. They were flying out to Portland for a show. As he left the room his feet caught a hoodie large enough to be his size. He took it as a memento of an unforgettable night with an unforgettable girl.

"Alright, all set." Celeste's voice brought him back. He blinked a few times, gathering his thoughts.

"Thank you." Michael said. He picked up Moose and set her on the floor. "I'm going to need a feces sample just to check for anything we don't want in her stomach. Front desk will explain all that." She walked over to the computer and began clicking and filling out forms.

"Listen… about that night. I apologize for leaving so abruptly and not saying goodbye." Michael said, sincerely. He actually had written a note for her but with the rushing, he never left it. He only realized he had when Luke pointed it out.

"Doesn't matter anymore. The past is in the past." She shrugged. She locked the computer and stood from her chair. "I have another appointment in a bit, and one of the techs has to clean the room. So…" 

"Oh, right. Well, thank you."

Michael watched her bend down and give Moose a few belly rubs. Celeste scratched behind Moose's ears and kissed the top of her head. It reminded him of Calum when he would go over to his house to work on music, only to play and cuddle with Moose.

"Dr. Montenegro, the 11:45 called to reschedule…" 

Michael took it as his cue to leave. The receptionist at the front desk explained everything from why they needed a feces sample to how to get a good sample for testing. 

He stalled a bit hoping Celeste would come out, but nothing. He turned to Moose. "Let's go to the park. Maybe Uncle Cal and Duke wanna join us." 

***

Celeste had extra time to kill before meeting Hunter at 'Casa del Cafe.' She let her feet guide her to the dog park where she sat under a tree and listened to an audio book. 

At some point she shut her eyes and got lost in the story until she felt a wet nose on her arm followed by squeaks from a toy. She opened her eyes and nearly cried when she saw Moose holding the squeaky monkey she gave her. 

"Moose, leave the la— oh, it's you." Michael said. He sounded surprised. Mostly because of the hoodie she was wearing.

Celeste took the toy from Moose and threw it up in the air like she used to. Moose caught it and bolted. Michael watched her run around the perimeter of the fenced area. Then she came back and gave Celeste the toy to throw again.

"Love, no." Michael interjected when she placed the toy in Celeste's hand once more.

"It's fine. She's good company." She smiled at him.

"That she is."

After that Michael and Celeste found some sort of balance where they felt comfortable with talking with each other. At some point Hunter had texted Celeste to reschedule, and Calum texted Michael about some emergency with Tony, one of his friends, so he couldn't make it.

Michael took the opportunity and offered Celeste lunch at the dog friendly coffee shop. 

“Listen, I really don’t like you, but you have my Moose, so I guess I can tolerate you for another hour if it means I get to spend time with her."

Taglist: @rebelwith0utacause​ @sexgodashton​ @myloverboyash​ @spicycal​ @5-secondsofcolor​ @another-lonely-heart​ @findingliam-o​ @idontneedanyone​ @calumscalm​ @cherryxwildflower​ 

[greennct]

license to kill - nakamoto yuta

this is part one | here’s the link to part two

please read the paragraph below!!

hi everyone! back from another ridiculously long hiatus to attempt something i've never tried before. it’s more ambitious then i've ever been in terms of sheer scale, but i'm really excited about it, and i hope you are too! this is the first of a three (or maybe even four???) part series, focusing around a rich young socialite and our very own nakamoto yuta. because the plotline relies upon some patriarchal stereotypes, i'm afraid that i've had to write the reader as a female, though every other one of my stories is completely gender neutral. there are also some mildly graphic descriptions of violence within the story, as it is a bodyguard!au. this means that there will be angst as well as fluff (of course), but please expect a slow-burn, enemies-to-lovers series, and please, of course, slide into my inbox and leave me feedback!!!

Tottering down the steps of your private jet, you snatched your purse from the flight attendant. Collapsing into the backseat of the Range Rover waiting for you on the landing strip, you ensured the Chanel logo on the bag’s clasp  was the right way up. Immediately, a man sitting next to the chauffeur in the front seat turned around to brief you.   

“Ms, you’re speech this evening is at 9pm, so your father would like you to be there at-“

“I’ll get there 10:30,” you simpered, acrylic nails tapping on your phone alerting everyone you knew in Monaco that you had touched down. 

“You’re supposed to be attracting investors for your father’s latest project in Saudi Arabia, I’m afraid I’m going to have to insist on-“

“Listen, Jarvis, or whatever your name is,” you peered over your huge black Dior sunglasses for the first time since exiting the plane. “I don’t know if you’ve been briefed properly on how this whole thing works,” You paused to smile at him, “Because you clearly don’t understand what’s going on, but I make the rules around here. So tell the investors 10:30, or cancel the entire fucking evening, okay?” 

The middle-aged man in the front of the car who had been addressing you gulped audibly, and nodded silently. You watched him, amused, as he debated whether or not to argue with you. 

“Then I’ll have to insist on a-”

“Bodyguard?” You interrupted. “Oh no, that won’t be necessary. I’m a big girl, Jarvis. I think I had handle making it the three meters from buildings to cars all by myself.”

The car slowed, as it pulled up to your hotel.

“Oh, and I’m going clubbing beforehand with Sasha,” you continued, as your door was opened. “So make sure my Givenchy dress has been steamed, get out the Cartier bracelet from the safe, oh and-“ You thrust a pile of stained clothing at the front seat. “Here’s my dry cleaning. Make sure the Oscar de la Renta is ready by tonight - I’ll change in the car.” 

With that, you took the hand of the driver waiting to assist you out of the Rolls Royce, and sauntered up the steps of the Hotel de Paris. Just another weekend, you thought to yourself. You wondered how many people would kill to live the life you do. You instructed the doorman to bring your bags up to your penthouse suite. You smiled. 

---

You arrived at the super-yacht in which your father’s fundraiser was being held at 11, clutching onto the aim of one of the polo-riding, stock-investing brawny heirs you had picked up at your last club, more than a little tipsy - and positively fuming. Your gorgeous satin Oscar de la Renta ballgown had been completely ruined by his callous hands in the limo ride on the way there - despite your irritated warnings, and you had opted for tequila instead of vodka that evening, which made you cranky, rather than buzzed. However, despite these inconveniences, you were expected to perform, to advertise a product, to sell the lifestyle you led, and so, you snatched the cue cards you had been prepared from anxious hands, and marched on stage, head held high.

You were done in half an hour, mingled for fifteen minutes, then snatched a flute of champagne off a tray, and headed towards the helm of the ship, away from the rest of the party. The air on the yacht was hot and thick, but your cold glass, and silk dress kept you cool. You leant ever so slightly over the railing of the boat, simply observing your fellow guests on the deck below. Leaning over even more, you craned your neck until all you could see was the black waves that surrounded you.

You were waiting. 

You didn’t know who the man would be, but one always came. The smartest, the slickest, the richest of the pack of slavering, greasy pinstriped suits waiting blow. He was the one who understood that behind your polished, trademark Louboutin facade was the CEO-in-training of one of the most powerful global industries the world had ever seen. 

“I liked the speech,” came a drawl from a your left. You tried to hide your smirk.

“Thank-“

“Oh, no, I wasn’t complimenting you.” He interrupted before you could finish your sentence. “I just meant to pass it on to whoever wrote it for you.” 

Your face almost flushed. You paused, considering how to reply to his challenge. You decided to play it dumb, at least for the moment. “How could you tell?”

“No one speaks with that rapture about oil deals if they really know what oil deals are. It was good, of course. but...” there was a pause. You realised with a start that the man was toying with you. “...almost facetious. You seem to think no one will dare negotiate your criminal deals if you slap a pretty face onto.”

You turned around for the first time, to face him properly. A stocky, middle-aged man with thinning hair combed over a damp forehead. Clearly someone was affected by the heat. You felt a much less intimidated.

“You have no proof I didn’t write that.” You shot back. “And my father’s deals aren’t illegal.” 

“They should be,” said the man, reaching into his suit jacket’s inside pocket. “For the people he fucks over to make the money he does.” You frowned as you heard a metallic clicking. You only realised he had cocked a gun when you felt the cold barrel press into your back. 

You froze, panic welling up inside you. 

“Now,” he murmured, voice so peaceful the two of you could be having a conversation about the weather, “You’re going to follow me off the ship into the van around the back of the parking lot outside and get in the back, okay sweetie?”

You felt yourself nodding, limbs jolting into motion in response to the cold pressure you felt on your spine. The walk off the yacht to the parking lot couldn’t have been more than sixty or so yards, but it felt like an hour at least. But all that time - it allowed the shock to wear off. You realised, you understood what was happening to you. And if you had learned anything for 18 years of private school tuition, it was that you were not going down without a fight. 

You had barely made it off the boat when you turned around sharply, poised to knock the weapon out of the man’s hand, when several things happened in a short space of time.

There was a wild scream which you realised afterwards had come from your own mouth. The whole yacht seemed to freeze, as heads whipped around to stare at the scene unfolding, whilst your father’s bodyguards rushed over to you in slow motion, tackling the man to the ground. Then there was a sharp bang, and you felt your legs buckle slightly under impact. You kept your eyes open, determined to meet death with your head held high. You felt someone grab your torso, and swing you over his shoulder. You knew you should fight back, but you suddenly felt incredibly tired. The last thing you could remember was watching your arms dangle down over someone’s back, with blood dripping down your arms, off your fingernails, onto the tarmac.

-

You woke up in your father’s office. This was a surprise for multiple reasons. The first was, that you were sure that you had passed out in Monaco, and your father’s penthouse was located in New York. The second was that, well, you were alive. Examining your limbs carefully, you were surprised to find yourself unharmed, save from a thick cast around your left leg. However, the most shock came in the form of your father. You hadn’t seen the man for six months, and weren't scheduled to for another year at least.

“Daddy!” You said, attempting to rise from the couch you had been placed in, in the corner of his office. He looked up from over his computer screen, as you felt a pain shooting up your bad leg. 

“Oh, don’t get up sweetie.” He smiled at you. “You’ve been shot, remember?”

You laughed awkwardly. “Um, yeah!” You tucked your hair behind your ear, noticing how limp it had become from neglect. “How long have I been here?”

“In New York? About a week, doll. In my office?” He checked his watch. “The past hour or so. I had you brought up here when I heard you were waking up from your medically induced coma.”

“My what sorry?” 

“Oh, I put you in a coma to make sure you got over here safe.”

“You-”

“It’s only a flesh wound, don’t worry - but you did lose a lot of blood.”

“I-”

“But that’s the least of my problems, to be honest. I mean, people trying to kill my family?”

“That’s-”

“So I’ve decided to up your security. You have a new bodyguard, Nakamoto.”

“What-”

“-and I’m sending you away to lie low in Switzerland for the next year.”

“Excuse m-”

“Up in the mountains. I've bought you a cabin there, it’ll be-”

“DADDY!” You shouted, almost panting from the exertion of getting a word in. He looked into your eyes for the first time, mildly surprised. 

“What is it, doll?”

“What are you talking about?! I- I’m not going to Switzerland! I have a life, and friends, and- and no one is trying to kill me! They just wanted money, I had the whole thing under control-”

“So under control that you got yourself shot, and then passed out. If it hadn’t been for George-”

“-neglecting his duties, I never would’ve been in that situation in the first place!” 

“This is exactly why you need a bodyguard. A new one this time, who’ll be with you 24/7, the whole year.”

“I’m not going anywhere for five minutes, okay. You can’t just control my life!” 

“Sweetie, you are in danger. Do you understand? I don’t care what you want to do, this is what I need to keep you safe.” You stared at him, trying to work out if he was actually serious. “This is my final word.”

You slumped back in your chair, a sick feeling growing in the pit of your stomach. You knew when your father used that tone, there was no arguing.

Your entire life for the foreseeable future suddenly looked incredibly bleak. What's worse - you were going to have to spend it with a boring old man, waiting out your prison sentence in pretty much isolation. You suddenly realised your father had still been talking all the way through your internal monologue. 

“Huh?”

“I was saying, your bodyguard is here. He’s been with you this week in the hospital, ever since you touched down, but I suppose this will be your first time actually meeting him. Nakamoto!” He snapped his fingers, and a man slipped through the door. 

You looked him up and down, this man who was supposed to keep you alive, not quite confused, but... surprised. He certainly wasn’t like any bodyguard your father had employed previously.

He looked barely 18, tall and wiry, yet you had no doubt there were sinewed muscles hiding beneath his tailored suit. His hair was long, black strands curling over his forehead, almost dusting his eyebrows. His mouth was set into a thin, stony line, jawline so sharp and stony you wouldn’t be surprised if someone told you he had never smiled. Your eyes dragged upwards, and met his, and a chill ran down your spine. They weren’t particularly striking, a very average sort of brown, but the look in them - unflinching, emotionless, deadly. You were sure he’d killed before. You had no doubt he would again in an instant. Any doubts you had previously about his skill immediately dissolved.

“What did you say his name was?” You murmured, eyes still locked on his.

“Nakamoto.”

“Nakamoto, huh?” You paused, slowly taking a step towards him. There was no reaction. “So you’re the one who’s supposed to stop all these people trying to kill me.”

He didn’t answer.

You smiled, ignoring his rudeness. You liked a challenge.

You predicted he’d last a week.

- 

The next day, you were slumped into the back of the Rolls Royce, watching the private jet that would take you away from life as you knew it grow closer and closer as you sped along the airfield. Before you knew it, the car door had opened, and your crutches were thrust to you by a surly Nakamoto. He had accompanied you back to your penthouse, and watched you pack up your belongings, then unpack, then cry all over them, then pack them back up again. He had waited outside your front door the whole night - he didn’t sleep. At this point you weren’t sure if he slept at all. 

Hobbling over to the plane, you shoved your crutches at the waiting flight attendant, then grabbed the railings attached to the steps. 

“You can’t get up there.” 

You whipped your head around, confused. Nakamoto had spoken for the first time.

“What?”

“Your leg.” He nodded towards your cast. 

“I’ll be fine.” You turned back around, ready to hoist yourself up. 

You felt arms around your waist, strong ones, lifting you over his shoulder, and up the stairs. You couldn’t detect any strain in the boy’s body. He had picked you up like you weighed less than a feather. You let out a small squeak of surprise.

He set you down at the top of the stairs, straightening his suit jacket. 

“Uh, you didn’t have to do that.” You muttered. 

He didn’t reply, just handed you your crutches silently, and went into the cockpit to speak to the pilot. 

You sighed. This was going to be a long plane ride.

- 

“This is where I’m living for the next six months?!” you shrieked, staring up at the log cabin.

After having been bundled into what looked suspiciously like a Volvo (gross!) at the airport, Nakamoto had shoved your trunks into the backseat until they surrounded you, blocking your view out of the grimy windows. You could tell it was cold, as you huddled into your thin Missoni cardigan, and hunkered down on the fake leather. You must’ve fallen asleep at some point, because the next thing you knew, Nakamoto was yanking a case from underneath your head, and you were brusquely awakened. 

That was when you had caught sight of the two-storey hulk of timber that was supposed to house both you and another person for at least a year. At this point, you weren’t even sure it could hold your closet. The cabin was built into the mountain, surrounded by snow-dusted fir trees, and you supposed to someone else, it might’ve seemed endearing. To you, it looked exactly as it was: a prison sentence. 

“I’m fucking f-f-reezing,” you muttered, as he lifted you out of the car, and carried you up the steps to the front door, bridal-style. At this point, you didn’t even expect an answer, just wanted him to know that you were not happy about this. At all. 

He stopped at the door, shifting you slightly in his arms in order to type a code into the door. Staring up at his face, you couldn’t help but fixate on the snowflakes that had swirled onto his eyelashes. It made him look- not handsome exactly, but almost as if he could be, if he wanted to.

You hadn’t realised you had gone inside until he set you down on a sofa. “Where am-” but he was already gone. 

You spent the next half an hour watching Nakamoto haul your luggage into the house. He had changed from his suit into a pair of navy jeans and a charcoal turtleneck, probably to arise as little suspicion as possible in the airport. You almost smiled at the thought - there was no way anyone wasn’t going to be curious about a young man driving through town with a car stuffed full of Louis Vuitton suitcases. 

Suddenly, you noticed something was missing. Something that was imperative to your survival. 

“Nakamoto,” you called, trying to keep the rising panic out of your voice. “Where’s my phone?” 

He walked into the living room which you had been stuck in, a folded hoodie in his arms. 

“You’re not allowed your phone. Someone could track it’s signal.” 

“What?!” Your stomach dropped. “I need that phone to-”

“There’s an untraceable landline if you want to contact family.” His back was to you now, fiddling around with the unlit fireplace.

You spluttered, bewildered by how matter-of-fact he was about taking your entire social life away. “My friends, I have t-”

“This is non-negotiable.” And with that, he stood back from a roaring fire, placed the hoodie on the table next to where you were lying, and left the room. 

You scoffed, muttering furiously under your breath. This was the final straw. Your confusion had hardened into cold fury. Grabbing your crutches, you headed to your bedroom. After all, you had a lot to do. You were going to get out of there - and you were going to do it that night.

- 

At eight, Nakamoto appeared at your doorway with some kind of vegetable soup and some buttered toast, where you were sat at the sad excuse for a desk, scribbling onto scraps of paper. You ignored the meal, no matter how good it smelt. 

At nine you turned off your lamp, and sat on your bed, waiting.

At nine-thirty you saw the light across the hall snap off, as Nakamoto headed to sleep.

At ten you crept down the hall, dragging your dead leg behind you. You had decided that your crutches would make too much noise, so you had opted for simply shuffling along the corridor, clinging onto the wall for support. You reached the front door, and almost chuckled. Nakamoto had left the car keys on the table right next to the door. Idiot, you thought to yourself. You unlocked the door as quietly as you could, cringing at the rusty clicks. After waiting thirty seconds for any sign of movement, you pulled open the door and let the sharp, free air hit your face. After closing the door just as silently, you gritted your teeth. 

The only thing standing between you, the car, and total freedom was a set of ten wooden steps that led up to the cabin. 

Your leg wound made it almost impossible to put any weight on your left side, and walking down the stairs required a lot of concentration to ensure that you didn’t damage the injury. It was going to be hard enough in the car pressing onto it every time you needed to brake, and you needed to save as much energy as you could. 

The first two steps went by smoothly, and apart from the burning in your arms having to hold yourself up, you started to gain confidence. That was, until the invisible ice on the third step hurled your body onto your left side. It took all of your willpower not to scream at the agony coursing through your body, but you had to stop for at least three minutes to recuperate. You tried the fourth step much more tentatively, and made it halfway, until your arms gave out, and you felt yourself losing grip on the banister. Once again, your weight was pushed onto the left side of your body, and you felt yourself falling. You must’ve blacked out for a few seconds, because suddenly your eyes were shooting open, and you gasped loudly, drawing air into your lungs. You could feel the hole in your leg pulsating in pain, and as you dared to sneak a glance down to your leg, you could see blood start to seep through your flimsy pyjama bottoms down your thigh. Swallowing the nauseous panic that was threatening to empty your stomach, you balled your palms into fists. There was no way you had gotten this far for nothing. You’d find a hospital at the airport.

The last few feet to the car, you crawled. It took ten minutes of torment, frequent breaks and a few more tears than you cared to admit to reach the car door, but you reached the car door. Unlocked with fumbling, frozen fingers you used the last ounce of your strength to pull yourself into the drivers seat. Once the door was closed you let out a sigh, a grin spreading across your face. You were free. There was no way that you were ever going to have stayed in that cabin for a year, least of all with a monosyllabic freak like Nakamoto. But he couldn’t stop you now. No one could, not with your key in the car that was going to drive you anywhere you wanted, all the way back-

“Going somewhere?” A voice growled from the backseat. 

[thecrownnet]

weekendmagsocial  The Diana we’re desperate to meet. The return of The Crown [...]

*Spoilers Alert*

*Spoilers Alert*

The Diana we’re desperate to meet. The return of The Crown will feature assassinations, avalanches and the tension between the Queen and Mrs T. But the most anticipated entrance has to be Diana’s. Today Weekend tells how they’ve captured her charisma

[...] The upcoming fourth season will take Diana from her early days as a shy kindergarten teaching assistant to a fairytale princess and an iconic global figure, as well as explore the early days of her disastrous marriage to Prince Charles.Her entrance comes when it returns to our screens in November or December, almost exactly 40 years after Nigel Dempster revealed in the Daily Mail in 1980 that Charles had found his ‘future bride’, having transferred his attention to Diana Spencer from her older sister Sarah.

Like Diana at the time, the actress playing her in The Crown is also a young unknown. Emma Corrin, 24, is a privately educated Cambridge graduate, who didn’t go to drama school.

By coincidence she’s originally from Sevenoaks in Kent, where Diana went to West Heath School from the age of 12 to 16.

Aware of how challenging the role would be for any actress, the producers started their search with a desperate call for ‘a mesmerising new young star with extraordinary range.’

The brief added, ominously: ‘She has to play charming comedy, flirt and social exhibitionist on the world stage, desperate and lonely self-harmer at her lowest ebb and the kind of psychological intensity of Mia Farrow in Rosemary’s Baby.’

It would obviously be helpful too if she resembled Diana, and in some of the new scenes, as the kindergarten teaching assistant, and wearing a pink polka-dot dress on her 1983 tour of Australia, the likeness is uncanny.

Emma’s co-star Josh O’Connor, who plays Prince Charles, agrees, saying it was ‘spooky’ how much of a ‘breathtaking spitting image’ of Diana she was.

But Emma says she has never been told she looks like Princess Diana before – although strangely her mother, who works as a speech therapist, has been! ‘I have never had that,’ she adds. ‘I get told I look like a young Jodie Foster.’

Emma spent more than two hours a day in the make-up chair to achieve the Diana look, accentuating her doe eyes, and with several wigs re-creating the journey from ingénue to one of the most stylish women in the world.

Amazingly, she was still working hard for her final exams at Cambridge when she went through the auditions for The Crown.

‘They actually offered me the part in person,’ she says of her last audition. ‘It felt like I’d just been proposed to; it was the best moment of my life. There’s a lot of pressure, but I’ve been glued to the show since the first episode and to think I’m now joining this incredibly talented acting family is just surreal.’

Peter Morgan, the creator, writer and producer of The Crown, has complete confidence in her. ‘Emma is a brilliant talent who immediately captivated us when she came in for the part.

'As well as having the innocence and beauty of a young Diana, she also has, in abundance, the range and complexity to portray an extraordinary woman who went from an anonymous teenager to the most iconic woman of her generation.’

Like all the cast in this heavily researched production, she was given a large bundle of written material and documentaries to watch, and she spent hours on perfecting the princess’s distinctive high voice with a vocal coach and learning how to re-create her particular habit of glancing up from under her fringe, as well as her graceful way of moving.

It’s not an impression, I’m going for essence - Emma Corrin, who plays Diana ‘Something they have been making clear from the  start is that this is not an impression,’ says Emma.

‘I am going for essence. Any movement and voice work we have done has been figuring out why she talks the way she does, and how she was a massive departure from the Royal Family, a bit like Meghan is now I guess, by bringing something different in the way she talks.’

Season four brings back memories of naive young Diana, with a re-creation of that first photo, at the Pimlico nursery school where she worked, which showed her holding two of her charges while the sun shone through her skirt, revealing her shapely legs.

And it follows how she becomes hardened into a mature but troubled woman who is the toast of America.

The retelling of the royal romance starts with a traumatic event: the assassination of Charles’s beloved great uncle Lord Mountbatten (Charles Dance) who was killed, along with a grandson, a local boy and his son-in-law’s mother, by an IRA bomb hidden on his boat in Ireland in 1979.

Diana recalled how she’d watched Charles at the funeral on TV and when she saw him ten months later – the families were friends – she told him: ‘You must be so lonely? You know, it’s ghastly. You need someone beside you.’ He quickly decided he was in love.

Diana was turning 19 when she got together with Charles. He was 31. After 13 dates they were engaged. The rehearsal of their 1981 wedding at St Paul’s has been filmed in Winchester Cathedral with Emma wearing a replica of the blue floral dress Diana sported before the big day.

A later scene shows the joyful day when Diana, pregnant with Harry – with Emma sporting a fake baby bump – enjoyed an Easter Egg hunt at Buckingham Palace, chasing toddler William in the gardens.

The new episodes also focus on key moments – and key looks – from 1989, three years after Charles is thought to have resumed his affair with Camilla.  

In one scene Emma is seen outside The Savoy hotel in London, re-creating Diana’s appearance at the Barnardo’s Champion Awards.

Emma wears a floral one-shoulder dress, reflecting one of Diana’s favourite silhouettes – a style which suited her immensely but which the Establishment is said to have hated, deeming it ‘not royal’.

Having played Charles so sensitively in season three, Josh O’Connor, 30, says the heir to the throne will be portrayed in a harsher light this time. ‘Well, it’s the Diana years,’ he says.

‘If series three was to make people feel empathy for him, I guess we’re going to pull the rug from under him. We all have a set position on the dynamic between Diana and Charles. It’s been great to have the ability to either fight against that or, at times, acknowledge it and to challenge any question of, “Did he ever love her?” Personally, I think he must have done.

'There’s a wealth of layers to Charles and Diana, and I have loved seeking that out.

'I think Diana wasn’t completely innocent – I’m talking fictionally, in our story – so there are ups and downs. There’s the difficulty with Camilla and the whole family, so it’s going to be, hopefully, an interesting arc.’

Josh says they all enjoyed delving into an era which is so crucial to the modern Royal Family. ‘Everything changed when Diana came onto the scene,’ he says.

‘I think she changed the game, and modernised them, and made them relevant again.’

Also returning are Emerald Fennell as Camilla and Erin Doherty as feisty Princess Anne.

The real Anne revealed recently that she’d watched early episodes of the show, which she found ‘quite interesting’.

Peter Morgan says, ‘So many people asked me, after she first appeared, to put more of her in there.

Anne’s often overlooked. But Erin’s portrayal means that everybody has fallen in love with her. I read that searches about her on Google went through the roof, she’s now one of the most popular royals.’

Prince Andrew’s romantic life is set to come under the spotlight too. His most famous affair was with actress Koo Stark, who is said to have threatened to sue producers if the portrayal of her is negative, while the period covered in this series also sees him marry Sarah Ferguson.

Meanwhile, Edward is seen growing up and going to university.

There was a rush to finish filming before lockdown was announced.

It meant one key scene of an avalanche had to be moved from the Pyrenees to Ben Nevis.

The incident is likely to be a re-creation of the fatal moments in 1988 when a skiing party including Charles was caught in an avalanche in Klosters.

Major Hugh Lindsay, a former equerry to the Queen, was killed and Charles was seen weeping as he was helicoptered off the slopes.

The bizarre affair when Michael Fagan broke into the Queen’s bedroom in Buckingham Palace in 1982 will also feature in this run, but the 1987 It’s A Royal Knockout embarrassment, when the lesser royals dressed in medieval garb to play games for charity, is mercifully absent.

Once this series is over, an older cast are preparing to take the lead roles, with Imelda Staunton as the Queen and Lesley Manville as Princess Margaret.

They are due to start filming next year, and die-hard fans will be cheered by Peter Morgan’s recent change of heart, when he announced in July that there will be a sixth series to come.

The Crown will return to Netflix later this year.    

- Source: Daily Mail August 14, 2020

*It has just been announced that Jonathan Pryce will portray Prince Philip in season 5 and 6.

[adonis-koo]

tease

| 5 |

↳ Summary: You came with the intentions of your best friend landing a job as a stripper. You never meant to catch the eyes of the king stripper of the establishment- Jeon Jungkook, yourself. With what was supposed to be a harmless way of paying off college debt faster you find yourself falling into a very odd and passionate relationship with your new mentor. Between infidelity, passion and jealousy there’s never a dull moment at Cherry Bomb.

↳ Pairing: Stripper!Jungkook/Reader

↳ Genre: Smut, fluff, angst, drama, slice of life, relationship problems without the relationship, reader is such a shy baby protect her, MUTUAL pining, so much sexual frustration,  

Word count: 10k

Previous | Next

// Playlist //

Song Mood

Tags: Drying humping, dirty talk, unintentional exhibitionism, sub/dom overtones jungkook being a jealous on the down low

Warning: This story touches on both sexual harassment and abuse, please read with caution if any of these things are triggers to you. Additional warnings will be given when a chapter presents them.

“Wow…” It was all you could manage to say as you clasped the clipboard in shock, there had to be over thirty people on this list. And they were all for you…? You understood to a degree, despite your humbleness that people enjoyed your performance due to the money thrown at you. But you didn’t expect so many people requesting to schedule you for private dancing.

As if sensing you’re slightly overwhelmed aura Jungkook gently pulled the clipboard from your grasp, the content smile tugged on his lips as he hummed, “Mhm, all for you babygirl. I told you guys would be lining up.”

You found yourself bashfully rubbing the back of your neck making him laugh as he set the clipboard down, leaning over the counter where it had become routine for you both to talk before heading separate ways until he pulled you aside for your training, “Don’t get too ahead of yourself just yet baby,” He clacked his tongue in amusement, “You don’t have to schedule anything until you’re one hundred percent confident in your own ability. I can still go over the ropes of scheduling private dances after practice though if you don’t have anywhere to be.”

Your first initial thought was a big no, of course, the idea of being on stage by yourself, for only one person...Just the idea felt so intimate it almost made you blush, but you also had kept Jungkook’s word in the back of your mind, if this was how you’d be making most of your money then you’d be dumb to not take the chance.

And of course Jungkook was right, you’d have to become more comfortable before you actually do any private dancing, but it wouldn’t hurt to learn the ropes, meanwhile, the more you knew the more you became acquainted with the idea, the less opposed you’d be to it in time, “No I don’t have class until after lunch today so I’m free. Can we get something to eat though? Practice is so miserable on an empty stomach.” You groaned as you laid your chin on your spread out arms with a whine.

Truth be told you were too tired to do anything besides roll out of bed just in time to shower and head out, but breakfast was important to you regardless and just as you said, practice was miserable when you were hungry. 

Jungkook cracked a smile as he ruffled your hair, gaining a whiney humph from you as he rolled his eyes, despite the amusement that lit them up, “Sure babygirl. Anyways you better get to practice before Hoseok gets on to me for distracting you,” He sent a wink your way before letting his hand drop to your chin giving it a little squeeze, “I’m working on a routine for tonight so just head back to the room at 9:30 okay?”

“M’kay.” You yawned out with a stretch as you nodded. Jungkook had rounded the bar, passing by your chair before suddenly stopping, making you tilt your head as he turned around, his eyes flickering around the room before settling on you again as if debating something in his mind.

You raised your brows in silent question making him speak up, “Just some advice but...I’m sure you’ve figured out jealousy runs rampant out here baby. Just ignore anyone who gives you shit and above all else,” He paused for a moment, making you swallow at his expression, you could tell he was serious, “Don’t pick fights. It’s not worth it.”

It was quiet for a moment before you sighed, shifting in your seat as you muttered, “Like I have an argumentative bone in my body.” You had said it mainly to lighten the mood he had set so suddenly, and just as you hoped you watched the tension in his shoulders relax a little as he cracked a smirk. 

Pushing his hands into the pockets of his grey sweatpants as he tilted his head, “I don’t know babygirl, I can’t help but wonder if you secretly are.” 

You had squinted your eyes at him as the pout twisted onto your lips making his smirk pulled into a cheeky smile as you huffed, he was such a tease it almost frustrated you, “Let’s not find out then, right?”

“Right.” Jungkook nodded, he had turned around shaking his head but you could tell he was still smiling as he headed to the private room, asshole. After Jungkook left you pulled yourself from your pouty position before making your way to Hoseok who had been leading your group practice of the day.

Apparently all of the soloists switched off each day for an overall practice for all fillers but you noticed Jimin, Hoseok, and Rosé often took on the class while all the others- Jungkook included avoided teaching like the plague. You had only shared one full class with Jungkook teaching and he had been downright brutal on all the girls, even though he didn’t speak to you the whole time half the fillers glared at you enough to send your body into shock that day as if him being harsh was somehow your fault.

Hoseok however, was more of a fun teacher, he wasn’t any less harsh but he had been gifted with a much softer way of correcting the girls. You usually filed towards the back of the room while following along, you weren’t very confident in any sort of combinations or choreography without messing up, being towards the back of the room allowed you to breathe and just focus on more of the sensuality.

It had been a bit difficult at first, your brain had been hardwired for so long on the technique of every move that the quality strippers used came very foreign to you, you found yourself trying to focus on it more days then less even if you messed up several times. Even towards the back, you could hear the occasional snickers around you from the other girls but you had begun learning to ignore them. 

It was a cold crowd in this room and maybe you were finally not letting it bother you. In fact, what was their problem? You had been getting constant looks thrown at you the entire practice, even more so than normal, had it been because of last night? You assumed it had to be normal for strippers when it came to money being thrown onto them, right? That was usually a staple, so what was the problem? In fact, it wasn’t even that much, you had made a whole 30 bucks last night, that looked like an impressive stack if you ignored that they were one-dollar bills. 

“Alright everyone, five minute break,” Hoseok called out, running a hand through his messy hair as the practice quickly disassembled into everyone going for water and phone breaks. 

You did the same as you sighed walking up the bar as you drank a large refreshing gulp of water, your feet pulsed in pain every step of the way as you winced, the tenderness of the balls of your feet felt raw and you were positive you had at least three blisters. Adjusting to stripper heels had been taxing on your feet and you shuddered at remembering your next rehearsal later that day, all of the calloused you had gained from regular dancing rendering useless. Sighing you shifted your weight on your feet as you winced, maybe you’d ask Rosé later if she had any advice on how to adjust to the heels quicker? Or was this something you’d just have to endure until your feet properly calloused?

Taking one more breath you began to make your way back to your original spot as you felt several glares thrown your way, glancing between people you focused back down trying to maintain a low profile. Your foot suddenly caught on something causing you to gasp as you stumbled before hitting the ground, your hands catching yourself forcing pain to flush inside them as you breathed out a wince turning around at the sound of a snicker, “What a good reflection of your performance from last night huh. Sloppy.”

You glanced up at the girl, all too familiar with her even if she rarely spared you a glance- as if you weren’t worth her time to begin with most days. Chan Hee was apparently one of the top fillers and one of the biggest rumored picks for becoming a soloist later into the year. Or so you had heard from Seulgi with the few friends she managed to make here, she was also ruthless to ‘competition’ and had even gotten three of the other girls to leave the club- or so it was rumored. 

Chan Hee was, without a doubt one of the coldest of people you had ever heard of, it was like she lived the popular high school girl trope even though everyone here was well beyond their years in school. Your expression hardened and your brows pressed together as you heard a few girls around you snicker at her words as you stood up.

“And yet they still threw money at me.” You clacked your tongue catching a brief scowl from her as Jungkook’s words rang in your mind, unfortunately he didn’t seem to quite realize that no matter how hard you tried, just your very presence provoked the girls here. Still though, you weren’t here to fight, but after becoming acquainted with the initial shock of your harsh surroundings you quickly adapted, you hated confrontation, but if being a dancer taught you anything- it’s that you couldn’t afford to be a pushover in this setting. 

“I just have to ask L/n,” Chan Hee called out, not giving up so easily, as if she was the one trying to provoke you into doing something, or maybe she was hoping to get you kicked out, you weren’t sure, but you weren’t going to feed into this, “What did you do to convince Jungkook? I mean I think we all know you’re too much of a frigid bitch to give good head, so was it money? Did you blackmail him?” She followed behind as she mocked an innocent questioning tone.

Pausing you could feel everyone’s eyes on you as you swallowed thickly, your words caught in your throat at the idea. Did everyone really assume you were the one who convinced Jungkook to take you in? Did they really not understand how he worked? You had only went through one group lesson with him while you were positive some of the girls here had endured dozens. He didn’t take people out of pity, that was the one thing you had come to terms with. Jungkook wanted you because he saw potential in you, you had nothing to do with his choice.

“Has it ever occured to you…” You spoke up before finally turning around, watching her tall figure peer down at you like you were a speck of dust as she crossed her arms, “That not everyone sucked dick to get on here? Maybe you should’ve become a prostitute if that’s your go too to get what you want.” You shrugged coolly and you could hear several people choke back a laugh, Chan Hee’s glare suddenly boiled down into you causing you to take a hesitant step back, your expression becoming a little cautious. 

“Bold words for a little trainee,” She sneered out stepping closer to you and you watched her fist clench, turning white as if physically restraining herself, “You better watch yourself L/n.” With that last vague threat she snapped around as you watched her walk away the crowd of people parting from her as you rolled your eyes before sighing. Why did everyone have to hate you? You rarely ever talked or caused trouble, you hadn’t even done anything to warrant any hate.

Seulgi had hurried up to your side, anger burning in her eyes as if she wanted to incinerate Chan Hee’s back as she walked away, “What did that bitch say to you? I’ll knock her on her ass just say the word Y/n!” 

“Seulgi I’m fine!” You suddenly grabbed her forearm as she attempted to launch herself in Chan Hee’s direction like a bat out of hell, your expression quickly subsiding to one with worry as you knew your bestfriend could get a little...violent at times, “She was just being a bitch- nothing unusual at Cherry Bomb.” It was true, for the fraction of nice girls you had met here, they were easily overpowered by others who only had their eyes on their goal of becoming the best stripper and they would do anything to get there.

All rules and morals cast aside.

Seulgi gritted her teeth before sighing exasperatedly, “You’re too nice Y/n,” maybe she was right, but you had already stepped on Chan Hee’s toes and technically- that wasn’t even your fault she was the one who had provoked you and then proceeded to get angry because you chose to defend yourself rather than stand there and take it, “I can’t stand her she talks shit about everyone here, Hoseok got pissed at me Wednesday because I ended up smacking her right across the jaw when she tried to drag you.” She admitted with a mutter.

Your lips parted and you were sure your eyes went wide, you had tried asking Seulgi about what happened Wednesday and why she had seemed so brooding but she refused to ever part with why her and Hoseok had fought...she...she got in trouble with her mentor for you? You felt a surge of warmth at her defensiveness for you but you ended up frowning, “Thanks but…” You glanced down at your feet, “You really can’t do that Seulgi…’

“Like hell I can!” Seulgi snapped back as if bristled at the idea of not being able to defend her friends. She was always more quick tempered then you ever were and while it was sweet, it was also not a good start for her either.

Frowning you finally let go of her as you glanced away, “You can but you shouldn’t, people here already assume I can’t fight my own battles because Jungkook keeps intervening, as much as I appreciate it, you shouldn’t defend me either. Besides you got in a lot of trouble with Hoseok over that, I’m never gonna prove myself here if I don’t do it on my own.”

Seulgi sighed herself, frowning as she crossed her arms, knowing you were right but still not enjoying that it wasn’t just a statement but also a fact, “Fine- but if she starts trying to sabotage you that ain't gonna fly by me without notice babe.”

“Well let’s not jinx anything. I doubt she’ll stoop that low.” You rolled your eyes as you both laughed. Hearing Hoseok call everyone back into their places you both parted ways as practice continued. 

After finishing up with regular practice you had gathered your bag up before yawning, checking the time before heading to the back, noticing your step had fallen in line with Hoseok and Seulgi’s, “Nice job by the way Y/n,” You glanced up at Hoseok in surprise at the compliment, had you been improving? His lips tilted into a small smile as he clarified his words, ‘With Chan Hee- I mean.” Your expression went sheepish at his words as your gaze shot to the floor, he had heard that!? Why hadn’t he stopped it was the better question?

“O-oh um! I didn’t realize you saw that…” You murmured fiddling with your fingers as you felt conflicted, was he going to tell Jungkook what happened? You really didn’t want to hear a lecture from him this morning and it wasn’t even your fault!

Hoseok seemed cracked a smile before patting your shoulder, “Y’know- I’m not gonna lie Y/n, I wasn’t sure about you at first but you can’t let people push you around, you did good.” Suddenly his words clicked as you silently understood, Hoseok must’ve had some reservations about you and your gentle nature with this kind of job. 

Thinking back on Seulgi’s words that must’ve really not helped your situation in Hoseok’s eyes, had he not stepped in to see if you could actually defend yourself? Whatever the case may be you obviously did the right thing to raise your status in Hoseok’s eyes.

Rather then feeling pleased with his words you felt nothing but the opposite as the wave of frustration built inside you, you had been right. There was a lot of people here doubting you because not only your soft nature but because of the people who stuck up for you. It wasn’t their fault though, this was on you. If you wanted to gain any respect you were going to have to get a thicker skin. 

You made a silent vow to yourself before entering into the soloist room only to find Jimin had kept catcalling Jungkook on stage, who had the world's most annoyed look on his face as he continued his routine ignoring the blonde. Setting your bag down the other soloist’s greeted you as you sat down in the semi formed circle.

“Hey Y/n,” Seokjin sat down beside you as you nodded with a smile to greet him, eyes focused on the stage where Jungkook was working, he looked vastly different at the moment on stage then when he was performing, no smile or smirk was present and his brows were pressed together as he rubbed the back of his head pausing his movement, as if trying to figure out a smoother transition between moves, “Would you mind if I asked for a favor.”

“Hm?” You glanced to Seokjin with raised brows. Before he could speak, though he had also gained Rosé’s attention as her lips coiled into a teasing smile, “Favor huh? Better make sure Guk doesn’t hear you.”

Seokjin glared sharply at his old trainee who clacked her lips and winked playfully between you both as you flusteredly looked at your lap, that wasn’t why Seokjin was here right? There was no doubt his face was hand carved by God himself and just the idea was making you blush like a preteen girl talking to her first crush, “Ignore her, I was wondering if you’d be able to help Namjoon and I with dancing? I mean we get the overall concept but a little more detailed structure would be nice...You don’t have to say yes, though if you’re schedule is too crazy- I can understand first hand what it’s like being in college while working here.” He gave you a commiserating smile.

You perked up though at his words before giving him a beaming smile of your own, you were always enthused about teaching, you wouldn’t dub yourself an amazing teacher but you’d be more than happy to help where you could, “Of course! I’d be more than happy to help! I have an hour break before my art history class if you guys could make it then…?” 

Seokjin’s face brightened significantly as he smiled brightly mirroring your own, his teeth could’ve sparkled easily and your face was heating up again at being so close to someone so beautiful, “I can add you into our group chat and we can talk altogether there.” You nodded before giving him your number.

Rosé had suddenly perked up as well though as she enthusiastically replied, “Oh! I should add you into my groupchat as well! Good idea Jinnie.” Seokjin shot her a glare at the nickname making her cheekily smile again as she leaned back on her hands. Just then the music from the speakers paused as you all glanced back towards Jungkook who groaned, jumping down from the stage as he ran a hand through his hair looking frustrated, eyes shooting to you as his lips quirked up slightly only for it to quickly fall back down as he glanced to Seokjin who’s shoulder brushed against yours though you hadn’t noticed.

His brows furrowed again as his irritated expression returned before suddenly sitting down next to you, what you didn’t anticipate was the harsh grip on your waist before dragging you into his lap making you squeak out in surprise, face burning hot red as you squirmed, “Jungkook!” he ignored your cry instantly trying to claw your way out of his grip but he wasn’t budging. You swallowed with another whimpered as he wrapped his arms tightly around you, forcing you to press back into his chest as you finally wilted, covering your face. What did you do to warrant that?

“Did you have a good practice?” Jungkook asked, acting like he didn’t just force you into his lap like a cat into water making everyone stare him while trying to cover their laughs at his obvious broody expression that reeked of jealousy unbeknownst to you. 

You didn’t reply for a brief second before letting out a small whine, “Jungkook…” you shifted in his lap before trying to pull out of his arms, it was still too early in the morning to be put in this position. What was his problem? Was it because he was struggling with his choreography? 

You felt a surge of worry cast over you, watching the large taut muscles flex on his biceps as he squeezed you tighter gaining another squeak from you, “I said: did you have a good practice?” His voice became stern and gritted making you involuntarily rub your thighs together as you let out another soft whine.

Unable to resist his commanding tone as you nodded, your hands looking small as they wrapped around his veiny forearms, tracing patterns into his warm skin as you murmured,  “It was fine, fillers are still harsh and I still look like look as stiff as a bored, nothing any different from any other day.” You tried to keep yourself from squirming at the feeling of his nose burying into the crook of your neck, not used to such affection from nearly anyone. 

“That’s not what the crowd last night was saying,” You jumped at the sudden nip of his teeth in the crook of your neck, you didn’t think your cheeks could get anymore red but Jungkook just loved proving you wrong, “Have some confidence babygirl.”

Seokjin had muffled a laugh at how tense your shoulders were and how desperate you were trying to not claw out of Jungkook’s grip, as if knowing you’d only make things worse if you tried, “You gonna let her go? Squeeze any harder and you’re gonna break her Guk.” Seokjin couldn’t resist the snort that escaped his lips as Jungkook suddenly pressed you closer to himself, his glare drilling into his elder. 

You only store at the ground as if trying to focus on not imploding and Seokjin, as much as he watched in amusement knew he probably just made your day a whole lot worse with Jungkook, “Come on babygirl, let’s get started for training,” You never realized how much you had been holding your breath until you exhaled in relief as he let go of you, letting you stand up. Rather then taking you to the other side of the room Jungkook had stopped at the steps of the stage making you furrow your brows, “We’re working on solo skills today, you’ll never get used to being up here by yourself until you start doing it.’

The idea made you nervous as you frowned, fiddling with your fingers as you glanced towards your feet. He was right of course, especially if you would start taking on private dancing, and you’d expect to do it soon given your bills were racking up and between your small tip and check both from Cherry Bomb it wasn’t gonna cut it. No matter how shy you were, you needed money and you already stripped once, there was no reason to back out now.

“I guess…” You hummed, lips quivering slightly, still a bit apprehensive at the idea, not to mention you were in a room full of soloist’s, really good soloists, might you add. Albeit everyone here was surprisingly welcoming and you doubt they judge you, but still.

Jungkook whirled around, eyes landing on you as he curved a brow, “How many times do I have to tell you baby? No ‘I guess’, you’ll be fine.” He stepped up as you trailed behind, sporting a tired pout before he started throwing together a combination for you to work on.

It didn’t matter how many times you did it, being on stage on your own was still scary and you kept messing up before whining and stamping your feet in frustration, Jungkook had been sat down in a metal fold up chair usually used for clients as he groaned, letting his manspread further as he rested his hands on his thighs while leaning forward, “Who cares if you mess up baby? It’s inevitable on stage, this isn’t like at your studio, if you mess up keep going and if you forget choreography make up your own until you can remember it again.” You sighed in frustration, at the very least you seemed to be getting the rhythm of sensuality involved for dancing, but when one thing becomes accomplished another problem becomes apparent. 

Jungkook started the music over again as you retried, you had managed to remember the whole combination, rolling down to the floor before thrusting your hips into the air, “Higher Y/n!” Jungkook called out over the music making you instantly try to achieve what he was looking for, “That’s not higher.” He sighed leaning back in his seat, making you huff as you tried once more but upon not hearing his validation you dropped your ass back to the floor in frustration.

“Just show me!” You called back, annoyance flooding your veins at his pickiness, how much higher could you possibly go? One thing you had found that worked between you both was anytime you struggled between movement you’d ask him to demonstrate so you could try and imitate it. It saved you both a lot of frustration with one another most days.

Jungkook sighed in exasperation as he stood up walking up to the stage before pulling himself up, you were about to sit up before he held out a hand halting you, “Stay,” his voice lowered slightly making you frown but you did as told, a little confused as to why but saying nothing. 

It wasn’t until he suddenly dropped to his knee’s slotting his hips between your legs that you had a vague idea of where this was going, squeaking you tried to squirm to get away from him, his hands suddenly lunging for your hips was you pleaded, “Wait! Wait! Wait!”

“Like this,” He suddenly pulled your hips into the air making you whimper, your cheeks burning as your back arched uncomfortably off the ground, you could definitely feel the difference but still. He didn’t have to show it like that! Having your legs open and him kneeling between them with his hands on your hips had your body burning with wet shame as you suddenly covered your face, your mind going blank as you tried to close your legs only to be stopped by his own body.

“Nu’uh, we’ve been through this before,” Jungkook instantly lunged down, pulling your hands from your face as he pressed your wrists into the ground as you whined, wiggling beneath him, “Be a be a good girl and look at me.” Your eyes were squinted in shyness and your cheeks were bright red, hair fanned beneath you as you watched Jungkook peer down at you as the predatory smirk started to coil on his lips, “Now move with my hips.”

He purposely thrusted his hips into yours making you jolt as you let an auditory whimper leave your lips, you were beyond embarrassed about this situation and not only that but you could feel everyone watching the both of you in amusement as you felt the hard imprint of his cock against your thigh. Jungkook started out slow letting his hips languidly roll with yours as he guided them higher, his eyes lidded with pleasure at the feeling of his strained, swollen members brushing against the soft skin skin of your thighs that had been exposed today from your shorts.

Fuck. You had forgotten how big he was, and even in the brief moment you had sat on his lap when you first did auditioned you only had barely felt it before skittishly shooting away from him. Now he was grinding it against you on purpose as his hips began to move faster, making your own lift higher not only for the sake of getting the movement but now in hopes of keeping him pressed against you.

“Are you wet?” Jungkook suddenly asked, pressing his tongue against his cheek as he parted his lips, purposely rubbing his shaft down your slit making you gasp louder than you ever wanted too as you closed your eyes, your hips beginning to go off rhythm as they impatiently began to buck into his, “Is that pretty pussy soaked babygirl?” 

Something about his nickname for you had your head spinning and your body burning intensely as you let out a hitched breath, feeling him press himself harder into your throbbing little clit as you tried to keep from strangling out a moan, “J-Jungkook…”

“When do you think they’re gonna fuck?” Jimin sat down by Rosé as he popped a can of soda, glancing to her in curiosity as they both watched the lewd display on stage, Jungkook ruthlessly dryhumping himself on his trainee- a bad habit that he was beginning to form, you looked pitiful beneath him with red cheeks and shy eyes but you were so obedient as your hips dragged along his.

Rosé snorted a laugh as they both exchanged glances, “I’m surprised they’ve lasted this long- tell you what, if they don’t fuck before Seasonella I’ll dare them at the afterparty.” They both glanced back at the stage where you had let out a whiney moan hips squirming before Jungkook finally grabbed your thighs roughly, holding them still as his hips sped up.

Jimin raised his brows as he gave a smile on his own, “You think she’s gonna get picked for Seasonella?” He was surprised at his mentors words but then again, you had a promising future ahead, it really wasn’t all too much of a long shot when he really thought about it.

“It’s hard telling right now but even if she doesn’t get on the list-” Rosé licked her lips in thought before they both glanced at you both again, “You really think Jungkook is gonna leave her here on her own?” 

“You know what?” Jimin clacked his tongue, eyeing you both from his seated position casually as Jungkook sat up on his knees, head hung back and eyes shut as his hips slowly rolled into yours, heavily focused on his impending orgasm, Jimin couldn’t say he was surprised at the outcome of this situation, “Fair point.”

Jungkook held your thighs open and his throbbing cock kept hitting against your clit in all the right ways that had your back arching painfully and pathetic whimpers and moans escaping your lips, “Fuck.” You let out another small moan as you clenched around nothing but air as your body was beginning to teeter on the edge of it’s orgasm.

Lunging down Jungkook caged you between his arms, all sense having left his body as he let his lips drag down the lobe of your ear, giving all sorts of kitten licks and nips between his words, “Mmm I can feel how wet you are babygirl- feels so good on my cock. I could just strip you ass naked and show everyone just how good my little girl is.” 

Your body was practically spazzing at his words, his cock hitting against the sweet spot of your clit that had you whimpering as you wrapped your legs around his waist, “R-right there! Please! Please Jungkook.” You couldn’t even escape the quiet whimpers from your lips as you tried to wrap your arms around his neck, his hands suddenly pinned them back down as he let his tongue drag down your neck a smirk pressing into your skin.

“Right there?” He dragged his words out as he pressed his swollen cock back down onto your sweet spot letting his shaft rub over it again and again making you let out a breathy moan while rapidly nodding, you could feel it. You were so close you could almost cry from how badly your body needed this release, “Are you gonna be my good girl and come for me?” He asked letting his lips drag against your ear once more, all you needed was one more thrust- you could feel it. Your body burned so harshly and your mind already buzzing with pleasure. 

“If you guys are gonna fuck can you atleast do it on the floor?” Namjoon interrupted, making you almost jumped out of your skin, your hazey pleasure instantly washing away as you squirmed beneath Jungkook, embarrassed beyond words at the realization of where you were, it was almost too much for you to bare as you looked away. 

As if still in domineering mode Jungkook had groaned but kept the majority of your body- despite still being fully dressed- covered with his own body, feeling the harsh pulse of his cock in objection as he stopped, “I was three strokes away from blowing a load, thanks for the interruption.” He gritted, ignoring the droplets of precum dripping from his angry tip while sitting up before pulling you against him, hiding your face and body against him as he turned away slightly to hide you further, sensing your mortification as he set his chin on top of your head.

“That’s an oddly specific number,” Namjoon clacked his tongue before sighing, “Just take her to the bathroom, or the wall, I don’t care. I know your freaky little inner exhibitist gets off to this but I have to get to class in an hour and I really need to practice before tonight.” Jungkook groaned but didn’t object, the moment had already been ruined and he was positive there was no amount of convincing in the world that would let him take you in the bathroom let alone in the soloist room now. 

He could practically feel your cheeks burning against his already hot skin and your arms were wrapped around him tightly in embarrassment, this was gonna take a lot of counseling on his part to get you to get over this, “Whatever, thanks for the cockblock.” He got up, holding your crumpled, embarrassed body that was still wrapped around him as he carefully stepped off stage.

Namjoon only laughed as he replied, “That’s always been my number one priority as your mentor asshole. You’d never get anything done and you know it.” you wouldn’t be surprised if Namjoon was one hundred percent serious but you could care less. You just openly let your mentor dry hump you in public all while you were begging him to continue. Too say you were embarrassed was putting it light.

“So,” Jungkook snickered, his hands purposely squeezed on your ass making you jump as you wiggled in his arms, “You did good with your thrusting babygirl- definitely impro- Ow!” He was already laughing as you smacked his shoulder harshly demanding for him to shut up multiple times before throwing your face back into his neck wanting nothing more than to embrace the icy void of death.

Setting you down he pushed the hair behind your ears as you tried to swat his hands away, “Fine I’ll stop- do you still want breakfast?” 

“I think I fucking deserve breakfast after your ‘demonstration’!”You snapped, stomping your foot with a pouty glare that was supposed to intimidate him, but all he did was laugh, brushing you off with a ruffle of hair as you scolded further.

Wrapping an arm around your shoulders he laughed, giving them a squeeze as you both walked to where your bag laid on the ground, “Sometimes experience is the best teacher,” He leaned in biting against the lobe of your ear making you squirm, “I didn’t hear you complaining.”

“Shut up.” You grumbled, crossing your arms, your face beet red but he was right, you were anything but a complainer in that situation.

----

Breakfast with Jungkook, was actually rather nice, you weren’t sure why you were so surprised but just his presence was enjoyable, he was a very outgoing guy and knew all the right things to say to keep a conversation not only going, but enjoyable as well. It was no wonder he worked the crowd at Cherry Bomb so well. 

But even so, you supposed, you both just had natural chemistry because you could tell he wasn’t in his work mode of making sure the conversation was kept in good nature or nothing became tense. His shoulders were relaxed and his smile seemed a lot more sincere than most days when you both were at work. 

It was nice, spending time with him outside of work was nice, even if you both stayed on topic most of the time on how private dancing worked. It wasn’t until the end of the breakfast that he had mentioned you didn’t always have to wear the clothes they provided while working on the floor, you looked like your whole life had changed while he laughed, “They still have to scream ‘I’m a stripper’ though, sorry baby.”

You crumpled back into your seat slightly as you sighed, “I really need to make some time to go out shopping then, I barely have anything club worthy in my wardrobe, let alone stripper worthy.” You already had a good idea of what to search for due to all the fillers style and hell even Rosé was a good example of what to look for. 

Jungkook had grabbed the receipt and his keys before stretching out, a mischievous smile on his face as he got out of the booth, “Say no more babygirl, you don’t have class until one right? Then let’s go.” Your lips parted and closed several times in silent objection as he left you behind for the cash register to pay, quickly fumbling out of the booth right after him as you huffed.

“Don’t you wanna go home and relax Jungkook? You don’t have to go out anywhere with me.” You felt slightly bad, not only did he insist on paying for your breakfast but now he was trying to go out with you? Well more like drag you out, personally it was probably you who’d rather go home and lay around with what little time you had left.

Jungkook had just finished paying before turning back to you, a smirk coiling on his face as he leaned down slightly, making you glare slightly as he hummed, “I have the rest of the day baby, don’t you wanna spend some time with your mentor?” You crossed your arms with a brooding pout as he pulled his arm around your waist forcing you closer to him as he walked out with you.

“We’re together everyday almost all day Jungkook.” You replied with a huff, but said nothing as he opened the passenger door, giving you a little push before you ultimately got in regardless. You weren’t sure what he meant by spending time with him, you saw him more in a day then you saw most your friends in a week. 

Jungkook leaned in, grabbing the seat belt and pulling it across your body making you shift in your seat as you felt your cheeks flared, “That’s at work babydoll, don’t you wanna get to know me outside of Cherry Bomb?” he leaned up to meet your eyes as he clicked your seatbelt in, a smirk adorning his lips and his hot breath tickling your already red cheeks, “Beside’s you’ll need a second opinion on if what you’re wearing is suited for work.”

“You’re such a pervert!” You finally whined, realizing that was exactly why he wanted to tag along with you, in fact, you’d go as to say he was the one dragging you out so he could see you in less than proper attire. 

Jungkook sent you a wink before shutting the door and making his way to the drivers side, the car was filled with music and banter between you both until you had arrived at the mall, where a plentiful of stores waited and apparently there was tons of places to pick from with stripper worthy attire. You were well aware of all the eyes that kept staring at you.

Girls all around you continuously sneaking glances of your mentor then you, who’s waist Jungkook wouldn't let go off the whole time, it wasn’t hard to see their judgement, you supposed you probably didn’t look good together with Jungkook, he was without a doubt the most handsome guy you had ever met and honestly? He could make any girl look ugly standing next to him. You decided to just ignore them as you browsed with him.

Turns out Jungkook was a lot better at having an eye for stripper attire then you, you had been dragged in and out of dressing rooms several times and he had almost demanded you make sure to showcase everything for him. 

Pressing your hands into your face you sighed, jumping slightly at the feeling of his hands all over the sides of your body, “All you need is a pair of fishnets to go with this baby and it’d be perfect.” This wasn’t the first time it had happened today, as soon as the dressing room was empty his hands were all over you, his lips right next to your ear. The black dress was skin tight against your body and leaving less to the imagination, the hem of the dress pressing higher on your thigh then ever considered close to appropriate. 

“Stop pressing your boner against me!” You whined out in a harsh whisper as you tried to move your ass away from him, your cheeks red at the feeling before he grabbed your hips pressing them back against his, his eyes haughty in the mirror as they kept contact with yours as he pressed his lips into your neck.

“You weren’t complaining this morning.” He snorted a laugh as you whined again in huffiness trying to break out of his grip before he let you go, waving you to go back into the dressing room as he smiled, “You’re too easy to tease babydoll that’s not my fault.”

You marched back into your room before glaring at him one last time as he cheekily smiled at you, “You don’t have to take advantage of my shyness!” shutting the door you pressed your hands into your face trying to calm the redness in your cheeks back down as you heard him laugh,

“Shut up you like my teasing and you know it.” 

Maybe you did....just maybe, you really did.

But he didn’t need to know that.

After finishing up trying on outfits you refused to let him buy you anything and due to you being broke you didn’t buy anything yourself either but at least you’d know where to look next time you got paid. Checking the time you sighed, class would be starting soon and as much as you did admittedly have fun with Jungkook you couldn’t afford to skip class. Just as you were going to speak a voice, one all too familiar cut you off and made a pit in your stomach begin to form.

“Oh so this is why you’ve been ignoring me huh?”

You instantly stepped away from Jungkook as a tsunami of guilt flooded your whole body, you had spent your whole morning with him, letting his hands grabbed everywhere on your body like you were single when you weren’t. You were on break with Hanjae and you weren’t even acting like it. 

Hanjae didn’t relent though and his eyes burned with both anger and jealousy as he marched towards you, looking ready to grab you and drag you away, he stopped short though when Jungkook suddenly stood in front of you, his stance protective and you couldn’t see his expression but something told you that was for the best as he hissed out,  “No she’s been ignoring you because you’re a controlling psychopath.” You hadn’t realized how tall Jungkook really was until he had straightened out his posture, standing to his full height as he stood, a fair few inches taller than Hanjae and a glare sporting his eyes no doubt.

You practically withered at the sight of Hanjae’s cold glare, his face becoming nothing but pure logic and anger that you only rarely saw as he stepped closer, “I don’t know who the fuck you are, but stay away from my girl. Y/n, we’re going.” 

Hanjae was in the middle of side stepping Jungkook when he was roughly grabbed by the shirt, Jungkook’s knuckles turning white as your face paled at the bloodthirsty expression he sported, you had never seen such a volatile expression on Jungkook’s face as he sneered, “Your girl?” He let out a harsh, forced laugh with no humor in his eyes as you suddenly flailed about, quickly grabbing onto his arm which was tense and muscle bulging and ready to be used, “Jungkook just let him go! It isn’t worth it.”

Jungkook’s jaw was clenched and he could chip a tooth on how hard he was gripping his teeth together his grip on Hanjae’s shirt not letting up as he snapped, “Hope you know you don’t fucking deserve to call her that.” He’s hands were strained and rigid as they uncoiled his shirt, expression twisted and anger sneering on his face as Hanjae only glared him down before reaching down to grab your arm. Jungkook was quicker though, catching his hand in a crushing grip, “Get out of here before I break every finger on your hand just for trying to touch her.” 

“Y/n,” Hanjae gritted out, his expression hardening as they glared down harshly at her, “If you know what’s good for everyone, you’ll come with me.” You swallowed thickly, taking a step between both of them as your lips quivered slightly, glancing between them both who were locked in a rigid glare off.

Watching Jungkook’s free hand curl into a fist made you quickly realize you didn’t have a lot of time before he’d send it flying and even if you hadn’t seen Jungkook in a fight, you didn’t need to see to know he was experienced, “Hanjae- just go. We’ll meet up and talk about this later okay? I’m not going to just drop what I’m doing for you.”

Hanjae’s jaw clenched and he parted his lips before he glared harsh at Jungkook, ripping his hand away from him before sneering, “Remember- that’s my girl.” Before turning around and trudging away as you stiffly inhaled, running a hand through your hair as you watched both of Jungkook’s knuckles curl up, his chest puffing as he tried to control the anger flickering in his eyes.

It was quiet for a moment before Jungkook whipped around to face you, “Like hell you’re gonna ‘talk about it later’ with him! What a- a total dick! Why are you even together with him?” He snapped out, not necessarily at you but at the idea as he ran a hand through his hair, his words fumbled making you raise your eyebrows, not expecting him to be so worked up.

Running a hand through your hair once more you swallowed thickly as you glanced away from him, “Jungkook I have been avoiding him, I’ve had some time to think and continuing like this isn’t going to solve anything. I need to talk to him- thank you for that but pease- don’t get involved okay? You’re only going to make things worse.” You frowned as you let your eyes flicker to him briefly before back at your feet. You could feel his gaze burning into you as silence filled between you both again, people passing by you without a second glance as you clasped your hands together.

“Just break up with him,” Your eyes shot up to his tense figure, his jaw clenched and his eyes glaring down at the floor as he clenched and unclenched his fists, “I don’t understand why you need to talk to him, he’s so controlling and such an asshole! He doesn’t deserve you.”

“That’s not for you to decide Jungkook,” You shook your head, your voice softened but on guard as his lips twitched as if annoyed at your words, but saying no more, “...I need to get to class- I'll see you later, okay?” You didn’t want to leave him here in such an angry and rough state of mind but you needed time alone, you understood his concern but ultimately that was your choice. 

You doubt you’d stay with Hanjae but you didn’t need or want Jungkook coming between you both. Furthermore you didn’t want your breakup with Hanjae because of Jungkook, you wanted to walk away knowing it was one hundred percent because it would never work out, not because a third party had gotten involved. You brushed past him, secretly hoping he’d stop you, maybe to try and smooth things over with you, or at least leave one a good note.

He didn’t.

----

“So what’s your story honey? What’s a pretty girl like you working here?”

You internally sighed at the question, trying to make sure it didn’t show on your face as you shifted in your seat. You weren’t sure what it was, with clients asking that question. Did they assume they were being chivalrous? Were they were just curious and didn’t mean to come off slimey or condescending? Or was it to sweep you off your feet at the idea of someone seeing you as more than a stripper? If it was- it wasn’t working. 

The amount of times you had heard that, in various forms over the night was both ridiculous and boring, how many times could you rebrand your answer? You had gotten good at finding different reasons and various wording which all meant the same in the end to answer with. 

You had still been a bit sheepish talking to clients on your own, but you had been getting more comfortable with it, “Oh, it's not like I was forced into dancing here,” You gave a soft laugh as you traced the rim of your margarita glass, the salt crumbling against the pad of your finger tip as you smiled softly, “I actually quite enjoy it, I’m in college at the moment and finances were strained. It wasn’t ideal but I’ve grown to enjoy working here, it has its own charm.”

“It really does.” He licked his lips as he winked, forcing you to swallow your cringe as you attempted to give him a peppy smile as he continued, “And it’s only your second week at Cherry right?”

You glanced towards the stage where Hoseok was grinding against the floor, he really did have remarkable energy, his wide predatory smirk as girls practically screamed themselves hoarse while throwing their money, “Yes! I’m still fairly new but I’m beginning to get the hang of things...Once my mentor thinks I’m ready I’ll be able to start private dancing, hopefully you’ll be on the list?” You asked innocently before sending a wink his way.

He gave a laugh as he leaned back in his seat, “Mentor? You’re kidding right baby? There’s no way strippers need mentors,” Oh if only he had the slightest idea how wrong he was, if it weren’t for Jungkook you wouldn’t have even signed the contract. You could understand his reasoning, you would’ve thought the same thing for the longest time, but as it turned out, just like any other form of dancing, stripping was taxing and hard in it’s own way, “But of course I’ll be on the list, maybe you’ll let me be the first to see?” He asked as if hoping you’d say yes.

You really hoped he didn’t take you up on that offer but if you could get more people on your waitlist that just meant more money for you in the end, “We’ll just have to see,” You finally offered a small teasing smile as you raised your glass towards him in toast before taking a sip, noticing Hoseok’s performance ending as you stood up, “Thanks for chatting with me babe, see you later.” You sent one last wink to him before moving to the next table. 

It was a fairly crowded table and a mixed party, both of the men seemed uninterested in the stage, unshockingly as they had scheduled guys for most of the night, both of the girls however were red cheeked with money in their hands while giggling to one another, “Care if I join?” It wasn’t required, but you always wanted to ask because you found, sometimes people weren’t always in the mood to be social or weren’t comfortable in such close presence with a stripper. It didn’t make sense, given they were in a strip club, but you wanted the clients you were working with to feel comfortable and safe. 

Both of the men had instantly perked up, rapidly nodding as they smiled, the girls ignored you as if you didn’t even exist, sitting down in the chair you opened the conversation, finding that more days then less it was easier than waiting for them, “I couldn’t help but notice you seem a bit bored. Men not to your taste?”

“At all,” The one towards the middle snorted out as he leaned back in his chair, he seemed more like the outspoken one of the two before continuing, “I would’ve just skipped altogether had I known it was mainly male strippers tonight. I’d prefer to be watching someone as beautiful as you up there.” He winked making you force another smile as you shrugged.

“It’s her birthday,” The one right next to you murmured softly, eyeing the girl with a plastic crown on her head, almost identical to the one Seulgi wore the first time you had ever visited Cherry Bomb, back when it was her birthday, “It’s what she wanted to do so here we are.” You noticed his gaze stayed soft and warm while on her making you almost melt on the inside, he liked her and it was completely oblivious.

He only sighed though as the girls both started to whistle out at who was one stage- Jungkook of course had taken his rightful throne on the stage as the music started up, “That’s sweet of you both, I know it’s probably not the most comfortable sight to watch when you don’t swing that way but it’s kind of you to stick around anyways. I’ve never been one for strip clubs either.”

Both of the men started laughing at your words, making you smile as well as the one towards the middle spoke up, “Really? So can I ask how you ended up working in one?” 

The roars of the crowd heightened when you glanced back at the stage, Jungkook had just pulled the shirt over his head, revealing his chiseled muscles, his build of narrow hips and broad shoulders making almost every girl in the room water out the mouth as you glanced back towards your clients, trying to focus on his question, “My mentor…” You jerked your thumb towards Jungkook on stage, “He’s a pretty persistent guy. The strip scene isn’t my cup of tea but he convinced me to give it a try. It’s been history since. Just a suggestion but…” You pressed your lips together before giving a cheeky grin, “If you wanna have fun you guys can always come to one of my shows, I’m still in group dances but I promise it’d be worth it.” 

You definitely had the man towards the middle of the group’s attention, it was the one who sat beside you who didn’t seem sold as his eyes flickered towards the birthday girls, as if hoping she’d glance this way, but she didn’t. Her eyes were on Jungkook’s body as if hypnotised with red cheeks and her hand clenching her money, not just ones- no those were twenties and a lot of them, “I don’t know,” He finally spoke up coolly before shrugging, “Strip clubs aren’t really my scene either.”

The cheering piped up against making you turn back towards the stage where Jungkook had just unzipped his pants, his back on the ground and his hips rolling into the air where every girl wanted to be on top of him, pushing his pants down to reveal the thick taut muscles of his thighs, “Well,” You clacked your lips with a smile, “I won’t blame you there, afterall I’m not a club person either, remember?” He glanced at you curiously as you gave him a wink.

Just then the spikes of the screaming piped up making you wince slightly, any louder and you’d feel forced to cover your ears, that’s when you realized Jungkook had stepped off the stage from where he had been struggling on choreography earlier, was he going to lap dance instead tonight? You made a mental note that it wasn’t a bad idea if you ever struggled with that later down the road, you noticed his eyes seemed to be distant though, as if the cogs in his head were turning and tuned out the roar of his crowd. 

His eyes landed on your table though and it was as if he turned off autopilot mode, swaying right over with a wide smirk as you resisted the urge to roll your eyes, he could never leave you alone, even at work, could he? Stopping in front of the table he paused at the girl in the tiara as he purred out, “Birthday girl huh? Guess I better give you a present then.” She almost squealed as he sat down on her lap.

You felt a wave of discomfort form in your stomach as you looked away, trying your best to conceal your apprehension as you decided to focus on the two clients you came here to talk with, “I’m not really one for lapdancing but it’s pretty hard to compete with for attention huh?” You cracked a smile though you were aware it came out tense as you heard the girl try to keep in a whimper as he rolled his hips into hers.

“Well don’t worry, you have our complete undivided attention- right Alex?” The one towards the middle relaxed into his seat, ignoring Jungkook grinding into his friend like it’d be his last time while glancing towards his friend casually.

His friend, the one sitting next to you though- had an expression mirroring yours, making you realize that you must’ve been doing just as bad of a job as him at covering your discomfort. Dejection in his eyes at the girl he was obviously crushing on being lapdanced not only by a stripper but by the biggest stripper in the whole club, “Yeah…” The man- Alex leaned back into his seat, stirring his glass as he tried to swallow down his downcast expression at the whimper you all heard from the girl.

“Well,” You clasped your hands together, straightening up in opposition, trying to ignore the overly lewd display in front of your eyes as Jungkook letting his hips circle and roll into hers as if he hadn’t done the same thing to you earlier that morning… “All I’m suggesting is, maybe you can change my mind about it if you came to my show, I’m always open to lapdancing someone as cute as you both.”

The girl suddenly gasped loudly at a particularly hard thrust from Jungkook as you glanced towards his back, his shoulders incredibly tense as his song was coming to an end, he only leaned into her ear, whispering something with a hot smirk before leaning away to quickly let his gaze find yours, was that a glare? Her cheeks were bright red and she giggled before nodding her head rapidly, he sent her a wink before standing up, without a single glance towards you and making his way back to the stage to collect his tips before going to the staff room.

What was that about? Alex leaned back in his seat as he sighed, rubbing his forehead looking vaguely tired as the two girls giggled, the omen in the tiara suddenly stood up, “We’ll definitely come.” The one in the middle volunteered noticing the other’s downcast expression, “When’s your next performance?”

You smiled, happy to hear you had successfully gotten two people to come to your next show, you really weren’t interested in lapdancing, but your money was becoming shorter by the day and you really needed every last dollar you could get here, “Tomorrow night, I’ll see you there.”  

You all stood up before parting ways, you sighed finally letting your persona melt away as you made your way to the staff area, glad Jungkook’s performance was the last of the night before closing up, you were tired and beyond exhausted. You had ended up forgetting you had a thesis due for your art history class the next day and you knew you weren’t going to have time to finish it.

Meaning you’d be up the whole night- or what was left of it before heading back to Cherry Bomb for practice, groaning you rubbed your eyes as you paused in the hallway, maybe you should talk to Jungkook? You still felt bad for leaving him behind in the mall and you knew it wasn’t fair on him to leave him hanging like that. But you needed time to just go through your options, you knew he meant well but you still didn’t enjoy being told what to do when it wasn’t anyone’s choice but yours to make.

Still, you should just swallow your pride and apologize to him anyways, it was clear he only said what he did because he cared. He at least deserved a full answer on why you said what you did. It wasn’t about you not wanting to leave Hanjae anymore, it was about you wanting to make sure you were leaving him for the right reasons, and making sure no one else was influencing your decisions. 

Nodding you prepped yourself before making your way down the hallway towards the familiar path of his dressing room, you stopped short at his door that held his name, your hand paused before rapping against the door at the loud- muffled moan you heard from inside.

“Mmm! Jungkook! O-oh fuck right there! Right there!” 

Your hand stayed in place in the air but you hadn’t even noticed the way it shook like a dead leaf in the middle of autumn as you heard the girl- the one he had been lapdancing not too long ago moan his name again. 

You didn’t think it would hurt.

It did.

Note: Hope post chapter 5 depression hits y’all as hard as it hit me, I was lowkey internally ugly sobbing when I finished this.

Taglist: @loveherpersona @megladon1616 @pearlneedstosleep @sincerelyjeohn @jungkookies-golden-noona @ironically-indifferent96 @epiphany-playingwithfire @maboiisuga @kookphoria91 @taehyungiev13 @134340ismybitch @appreciatethefoolishness @hanhannguyen98 @lurkerarmy @lovelyjkook @repeating-seesaw-game @serendipity-secrets  @kimvantaee @forevermoremagcon @timestandstillalittle @yanmi1 @expensive-bangtan-girl @blxckeffect @egyptianwitchbutwithab @kimcheeeeeeeeee @rather-not-sayy @pastel-i-decay

(Let me know if you’d like to be added!)

[ohwereusingourmadeupnames]

starker => “You will never do something more embarrassing than that love poem you wrote when we were 13 and read out in front of the whole school.”

Take Me Home 

Pairing: Peter Parker/Tony Stark (Starker) Rating: Mature (M) Word Count: ~4.5k Notes: Nonnie, this immediately brought me back to my high school friends and all the memories they like to bring up at the worst possible time. I hope you enjoy what I did with it.  Warnings: A brief section of NSFW stuff (though not explicit), mentions of homophobia Summary: 

Peter ran from home after turning 18 with a very willing Tony Stark right there with him. They manage to create a beautiful home in Manhattan in the 10 years since they left. Find out what happens when Peter gets the invitation for their 10-year reunion! 

do the thing - send in all the prompts.

For 10 perfect years, Peter didn’t have to think about his hometown. In each of those glorious years, Peter enjoyed the hustle and bustle of Manhattan with the gorgeous man he snuck away with all that time ago. He turned his back on the aunt and uncle that took him in, all of his friends, and the prejudices that came with being different in a town that did not accept anything other than in-line and on the “right” path.

Tony, the beautiful human that he was, rolled with the punches and followed Peter when he decided to leave it all behind. They waited until they both were 18, packed all of the things they could realistically bring with them and left Alabama for New York without looking back. Luckily, Tony’s father left him with a big inheritance and the brains to do big things. It made going to a brand-new place easier on them both – Peter didn’t have to worry about dealing with a grumpy Tony that didn’t feel like he was adequately providing and they both got to explore all of the academic and business pursuits they could possibly dream of.

And they absolutely did. Peter spent 5 years at TISCH getting an undergraduate and graduate degree in Computer Animation and Design – the program allowed him to intern at a video game company his last year in school and walk into a job a couple of days after graduation.

Tony went to NYU and double majored in both Mechanical Engineering and Entrepreneurship. After graduation, he put some time into opening a technology business that would later incorporate Peter’s design skills into the foundation. He pursued a master’s in Management of Technology to further his programing skills a couple of years later.

Throughout their schooling, Peter and Tony lived in a 2-bedroom apartment with an open living room and a balcony that overlooked Central Park. In terms of being young and in-love, they didn’t struggle to be happy together – each person got to do what they wanted and live in a place that didn’t give a damn if Peter wrapped an arm around Tony’s shoulders or pressed a kiss to his now mustache covered lips.

It shouldn’t have worked – stealing away in the middle of the night like thieves; but it did. 8 years after getting to the city, Tony got down on one knee in the middle of the house they spent a ridiculous amount of time picking out and making just right. There wasn’t anything in it yet, but the prospect of filling it up with future memories was too good not to be doing it as husbands.

Their wedding was small and took place in the courthouse with a couple of their closest friends standing by as witnesses to the small union between them. Aside from a quaint dinner, they didn’t spend much time getting too hyped about it. They’d been living together and in love for years, the ring just put a bit more permanence into their situation. Peter took the Stark last name and enjoyed getting to drop Parker the second he could make it happen.

To put it lightly, Peter hadn’t been happier. He got to work with his husband on a daily basis and do something that challenged his mind and interested him more and more as the projects grew and changed. After a couple of years of fiddling with a few things around the house, Peter finally felt good about the space they called their own, and finally – he convinced Tony to get a dog. The business was doing well, and they were on the verge of adding a bit more personnel to the crew – which meant a little more time spent outside of the office. That also meant more than enough opportunity to add a 3rd member to the Stark household.

Things were going so smoothly that it almost didn’t register to him, the invitation he got in his childhood email that he couldn’t bear to part with. It struck him to check it – something in the back of his mind told him to log in with the familiar keystrokes he typed so many times throughout his life. The fact that 10 years passed since they graduated high school momentarily made him feel a little old – he was approaching 30.

Shaking his head, Peter pulled his phone out of his pocket, his fingers trembling as he typed out a message to Tony. Their offices were just across the building, he could have easily walked there and crashed into a chair – but that took too much time and effort. The need to know whether his husband got the shocking little blast from the past drove him to hit send.

Peter Stark: Holy – did you get the invitation to the 10-year reunion? Peter Stark: I should have gotten rid of that email address like you told me to.

He flipped the phone over and tried to focus on logging out and getting the invitation away from his curious eyes – the more he looked at it, the more interested he became. They were really splurging with a 2-day stay at one of the nicest hotels in their sleepy little town. He could still distinctly remember prom and the elegant plan he and Tony made to sneak away and not be caught together. A soft smile slipped across his face, the thought of some of their time spent wrapped up in each other as young kids always made his heart flutter.

Tony Stark: No, unlike you, I don’t obsessively check old email addresses. Tony Stark: Did you talk yourself into going, yet?

Peter couldn’t help the laugh that slipped from his lips. The singular fact that his husband knew him so well was both a blessing and a curse. Deep down, he figured something would ignite the need/want to go back there. A 10-year class reunion never would have been his first guess, but it was as good of an excuse as any.

Peter Stark: Not yet, but it’s probably going to happen. Peter Stark: What do you think the best way to dramatically make an entrance is? Hold hands? Or just bump shoulders as we walk in?

Tony Stark: I know. It’s okay – I don’t mind. Tony Stark: I think the fact that we’re there at all will be enough, but if you’re really shooting to drop a few jaws, I could dip you back and stick my tongue down your throat. That will really drive the point home.

Peter Stark: You never did. Peter Stark: Maybe you should just dump me over the table and take me right there in front of everyone. Peter Stark: You’re an ass. Peter Stark: But I love you.

The back and forth of their text exchange carried Peter all the way through lunch where he walked into Tony’s office and sat down on the edge of his desk. “I guess we’re going to Alabama,” Peter muttered, his arms crossing. For whatever reason, going back and proving himself seemed important – even if it meant doing the one thing he never wanted to do to begin with – come out to the narrow-minded people he grew up with.

Tony stepped in front of him, his arms wrapping around his hips without hesitation. ‘It’ll be okay,” Tony whispered as he leaned in to press a kiss to Peter’s forehead. “Could be fun, too.”

Grimacing, Peter tilted his head until their lips were pressing together. He distracted himself with the luscious slide of his lips against Tony’s, the wet exchange a much better thing to focus on, anyway.

----

In the month leading up to the reunion, Peter went back and forth between going and not going at least once a day. After the first week of it, Tony stopped playing along and went about making plans like the reasonable adult that he was. They had an early morning flight in the day the reunion started and that same flight on the way home. It seemed safe to get out as quickly as they could if things went sour. In the furthest parts of his deepest bits, Peter hoped it wouldn’t be as torturous as he remembered it being during the early part of his life.

Looking back at it now, Peter figured a lot of the negative feelings he harbored towards his hometown came from the fact that he never felt comfortable in his own skin there. He knew at an early age that being open about the fact that boys did it for him wasn’t really an option – not if he wanted to make it through the social hornet’s nest that was high school. Peter didn’t want to suffer and when Tony came into the picture, it became even more important to keep living under the radar.

The thought of not only going back to the place that caused him so many sleepless nights but arriving with a previous male classmate made a brick of anxiety sit in the pit of his belly – the internal conflict he was fighting just as embarrassing as it was frustrating. Since getting to New York, Peter hadn’t felt an ounce of shame for the way he lived his life – he didn’t want to put that stain on his good thing with Tony now.

Peter spent the entire day before their trip packing his bag and fretting over all of the things that could go wrong. In an obvious attempt to escape the boiling over anxiety, Tony checked into work for a couple of hours to give Peter a bit of time to collect himself before they headed out. It seemed to help, too – by the time Tony got back, Peter felt a lot better about the entire thing. If push came to shove, they didn’t have to go. Though, he knew he probably wouldn’t forgive himself if, in a moment of weakness, he let himself cop out.

In true Tony Stark fashion, his husband made sure it didn’t come to that. After getting out of the shower, Tony ordered them food and let Peter eat most of the noodles, because they were his favorite. When all of the food was gone, Tony turned on a mindless movie and went about taking Peter’s clothes off one by one, his sneaky fingers and skillful mouth pulling all of his worries out a nip and kiss at a time.

Sleep after getting fucked out of his mind was never short of wonderful – Peter didn’t wake up once in a fit of anxiousness like he took to doing the two nights before. Tony kept the arm he wrapped around Peter’s hip there until the first snooze went off, then they started getting ready for the day. Peter knew that Tony wouldn’t function right until after a shower and coffee, so he forced himself out of bed and tugged his husband right along with him.

After 2 shots of espresso for the both of them, Peter and Tony collected their bags and got an Uber to take them to the airport. For Peter, it felt like a long time since the last time he flew in an airplane – Tony did most of the company traveling. Peter liked it better that way.

The check-in process was easy in the morning, they were through the security line with more than an hour to space. Since there were only a few gates open, Peter pulled Tony along until they found a Dunkin’ Donuts open near their stopping point to snag another cup of coffee for the wait.

Sitting down at their gate, Tony laid his head on Peter’s shoulder, the man occasional lifting his arm to bring the coffee cup to his lips. It felt like a nice calm before the storm of whatever awaited them back home. The last shred of nervousness told him to run while he still could – yet, the heavy weight of Tony on his arm kept him in his seat and later buckled into the airplane, 31,000 feet in the air.

Peter spent most of the flight running his hand through Tony’s hair, who, after 3 big hits of caffeine, still managed to fall asleep. It amazed him, how calm Tony could be at a time like this. He figured that even the locals had to get bubbly guts at the thought of seeing people who hadn’t been in their town or even lives for more than a decade. Things like that really put time in perspective.

Touchdown into the Atlanta airport had Peter shaking Tony awake – his husband’s sleepy brown eyes now a lot clearer after a couple extra hours of sleep. Just in case, Tony slipped his purple tinted glasses over his eyes as they headed off the plane. Renting a car took a few minutes and before Peter was ready, he was in the passenger seat a couple hours away from stumbling back into the snake pit that they called home.

In exchange for Tony sleeping on the plane, Peter kicked back and spent the 2-hour drive in a fitful sleep. Every time they slowed down, even a little, his eyes blinked open – like maybe the world was coming to an end, or something. About 10 minutes out, Peter woke up for good and fixed the seat back of the rental, his eyes widening in realization that nothing looked any different.

“How has 10 years past without a single thing changing?” Peter mumbled, his arms crossing in a gesture that screamed self-defense. It was this place – it brought it out of him.

Tony chuckled and reached a hand between them to grab one of Peter’s so he could lace their fingers together. “It’s a small town, Pete. We’ll be some of the only people who didn’t leave,” Tony said softly, the truth in his words sinking into the space between them. Their hands stayed tangled together until Tony needed his back to park.

His stomach tightened up when they got out of the car and started to wheel their bags towards the hotel’s entrance. In all of his time in New York, Peter got spoiled by architecture that made the brain question whether it was truly seeing what was in front of it. His memories made this place look like the Taj Mahal, when really – it was just a small hotel masking itself as something fancier. Satisfied that he felt more in control of his nervousness, Peter walked up to the front desk confidently.

Even after being married for the past couple of years, Peter never got tired of calling himself a Stark. Telling the person behind the counter the reservation name made him feel even more powerful – what was the use of approaching the situation like he was scared; Tony made him strong, the least he could do was act like it.

Despite that increase in conviction, Peter was happy that they didn’t run into anyone on their way up to their room – the soft outpouring of breath when the door shut behind him pulled a laugh from Tony, his husband already moving to wrap strong arms around him.

“You’ve got the cutest little furrow between your eyebrows. I can sense the frustration, Petey. It’s going to be okay,” Tony whispered, his lips caressing the shell of Peter’s ear. “If it sucks, we can come back and crash – it’s no big deal.”

Though the reassurance felt good to have, Peter shook his head, his own arms moving to wrap around Tony’s shoulders. Pressing their lips together, Peter calmed himself with Tony’s touch, his husband using their closeness to his advantage to run his palm over the bare skin of Peter’s back. “I’m nervous. Just don’t leave me alone all night and I think it’ll be just fine.”

Letting his nose travel over Peter’s cheek and then down his neck, Tony did a good job distracting him, the scratch of his facial hair pulling a moan from his chest. “You’re crazy if you think I’m going anywhere by myself,” Tony panted out against his neck, his breath sending a tickle down Peter’s spine.

“Want me to distract you for a little while?” Tony asked, his head pulling back to catch Peter’s eye. There was mischief and the first hints of arousal in the syrupy cognac of his eyes. Tony’s flush did him in – the spread of it across sharp cheek bones heart stopping.

Peter nodded his head eagerly, a huge smile spreading across his cheeks when Tony wasted no time dropping down to his knees. His fingers made quick work of the button and zipper of Peter’s jeans, the tips of his fingers diving into the front of tight boxer-briefs without any preamble.

After a quick shift, Tony pressed his face in the same space his hand was a moment ago, a long exhale heard from above. Eager fingers moved to the waistband of tight jeans before sinking under them and pushing until the fabric pooled at his ankles. Moving back just enough to help Peter step out of his converse, Tony tugged off Peter’s jeans and underwear – the man inhaling deeply at the nakedness on display.

“You’re gorgeous, Peter – it blows my mind every time I get some evidence dangled under my nose,” Tony babbled, his hands running up Peter’s thighs as he spoke. They settled on Peter’s hips, fingertips digging into the skin and gripping tightly. Peter knew that meant not to thrust – Tony wanted free reign to play without being disturbed.

Soft lips trailed kisses across the line of Peter’s hip, starting at one prominent bone and ending at the other. Tony poked his tongue out and let it trail that same path back then down the well-kept nest of curls that led to Peter’s quickly hardening erection. His adventure stopped when the tip of his tongue ended just under the head. Lips wrapped around him then, the shock of it pulling a shriek from Peter before he could control it.

Looking up, Tony pulled off and smirked at him. “Make all the noise you want,” he encouraged, his mouth returning to its task almost instantly. Tony slid his lips down until his nose was bumping against Peter’s stomach, the tip of an achy cock just barely grazing the back of his throat.

The swallow around him could be felt all over Peter’s skin, his eyes slamming shut to fight back against the sensation. The prickly stimulus was recognizable – Peter wasn’t a stranger to the pleasure that Tony could give to him. It didn’t usually come on so quickly, but who was he to look a gift horse in the mouth.

Like usual, Tony worked his magic, his husband dragging an orgasm out of him that made his knees buckle. If it weren’t for Tony’s hands on his hips, they both would’ve toppled to the floor. Peter gripped Tony’s shirt and brought him up to eye level. His hungry lips chased the taste of himself from Tony’s mouth, the slide of their tongues together enough to boil the heat in the pit of his stomach once again.

Peter attempted to reach between them to return the favor, but Tony was having none of it. “I’ll get mine later. That was for you,” Tony stated, his hand reaching between them to grip Peter’s and bring it up to his mouth. The soft kiss he planted on the back of it almost had his knees buckling under him, too. Tony had such an ability to be so fucking smooth.

Another kiss to the lips had Tony pulling back, a grin on his face. “I would like to take another shower before this shit starts, though – there’s something about airplane smell I’m just not a fan of.”

----

Looking in the mirror one last time before walking out the door, Peter felt pretty good about what he had on. His gray slacks sat nicely on his hips and hugged down his thigh and calf, ending just above his ankle. The black shoes went with the belt that he and Tony were both wearing. The blue short sleeve button down Peter had on juxtaposed Tony’s gray suit and blue shirt combo pretty perfectly – if the matching wedding rings and tangled hands didn’t do the trick, maybe the coordinating outfits would.

Tony wrapped an arm around his shoulders and pulled him back against his chest – his lips finding Peter’s neck. “You look great. We look great, even,” Tony said, his eyes meeting Peter’s in the mirror. “Let’s go shock the hell out of a bunch of people.” His nose nuzzled against the hair at the back of Peter’s head, then his warmth was gone.

It took a couple more deep breaths to truly feel ready to walk out the door. His fingers were wrapped tightly around Tony’s when they stepped out, the grip he kept probably more than a little uncomfortable – but, Tony persisted, anyway. He kept Peter tightly by his side the entire elevator ride down and stepped in front of him when they got to the small table that Liz Allan was sitting in front of. Her eyes bugged for a second before she got her shit together and flashed the two of them a smile.

“Peter Parker – as I live and breathe,” Liz uttered, her eyes meeting his for a second, then flitting over to Tony. “And Tony Stark. Together. There was a little pool to see if either of you guys would come. No one ever expected your appearance to be together.” Her hands were quick to hand out the pre-made name tags, the words coming out of her mouth without thought.

Peter collected his and smirked at the last name on his badge. Noticing a Sharpie on the table, he grabbed it and crossed Parker out, replacing it quickly with Stark. The gasp that left Liz’s mouth when he slapped it on his shirt with a smile made the entire trip worth it – even if it all went to shit from there.

The squeeze of Tony’s hand when they walked into the banquet hall had Peter looking up, a gleam in his eye. “You just blew her mind,” Tony whispered, his mouth dipping dangerously close to Peter’s ear. “Proud of you.” A ghost of a kiss glanced his ear, Tony’s sneakiness never ending.

Before they could get any further into the room, Peter was stopped by a hand on his shoulder. Turning, his mouth widened into a soft smile on instinct, the sight of MJ not looking much different than when they were kids one of the best things to happen yet.

“Holy shit. It is you. How the hell are you?” MJ questioned, her hand staying exactly where it settled to start. She looked down at his hand and then up at the person connected to it, a smirk taking over her face. “Hey, Tony.”

A snort left his lips when Tony lifted a hand with a swift wave. He didn’t say anything else, but that’d always been the way those two were. In the rare times when Tony could get Peter to hang out with him around other people, Peter figured his husband put up with his friends just to get to be a part of that particular piece of his life.

Turning his attention back to MJ, Peter answered her question. “I’m really good. It’s weird to be here, but it’s nice to see you. More than nice,” His free hand reached up to cup her elbow, his fingers squeezing gently. “How are you? Are you still in town, or off changing the world somewhere else?”

A weird look flashed across her face then, her eyes hardening ever so slightly. “I totally forgot that you just left out of nowhere. I’m in the Boston area. I do financial planning for JP Morgan. It’s lucrative and lots of fun.” 

Taking a step back, MJ crossed her hands over her chest, her eyes trailing over him. “Please tell me you’re doing something with tech – or computers. Something cool that explains why you ditched and never said a word.”

The words stung, but each one was deserved. Peter felt Tony move a little closer to him, the man doing his best to be empathetic as quietly as he could. “I didn’t ditch. I left, MJ. I wanted to be with Tony and not have to feel embarrassed for it. It was the best thing to happen to me, I promise. I’m sorry. For hurting you.”

He wasn’t sure that was what she was looking for. In all of the years they were friends, he hadn’t been able to read her – that sure as hell wasn’t starting now. Instead of anger, however, he saw a genuine smile pull her lips up and to the corner of her eye; the slightest crinkle there new. “You will never do something more embarrassing than that love poem you wrote when we were 13 and read out in front of the whole school. Now that I know who it was for – that statement is even more true.”

Tony’s scoff had all three of them laughing – his husband’s sassiness never ceasing to be entertaining. “You said it wasn’t me you were talking about,” Tony said, his words pulling even more laughter from them.

Without worrying about the rest of the people around them, Peter wrapped an arm around Tony’s shoulders, the other’s arm sliding around his hips in return. “If I told you how long I had a crush on you, your head would be so big. There has to be a little moderation, Tony.”

And just like that, it felt like being back in high school – except this time, he didn’t have that debilitating fear that consumed him on a constant basis. How could he – Tony kept him close and took the hard questions when Peter didn’t want to or couldn’t deal. It wasn’t the nicest reception by everyone, but that wasn’t ever expected, anyway.

Tumbling into bed that night, Peter settled with his head against Tony’s chest, his hand settling across his firm stomach. “Thanks for coming back with me,” Peter mumbled, his lips pressing into the soft skin closest to him. “And for gently making sure it happened. I don’t know what I was so afraid of.”

At that, Tony’s wrapped him up, pulling him closer as he did. Peter felt lips against the hair on his head – the gust of breath from Tony’s nose rattling the strands. “The unknown, probably. It’s hard to want to venture out when you’ve been burned before. I’m happy we’re here – it was good to see you finally conquer this – the place and the people.” Tony finished his words with another press of his lips against Peter’s head.

“It’s good to do it,” Peter admitted, settling a little more firmly against Tony’s chest.

It wasn’t their home anymore and never would be, but maybe he didn’t have to leave all of the pieces behind, after all.

[kenkamishiro]

Ishida Sui’s Review of 2019

I didn’t think I’d ever finish this with my onslaught of classes including pharmacology, but I somehow managed! 6k word count, the longest TL I’ve done to date besides Parvati’s interlude for FGO. Lots of insight into Jack Jeanne’s production and what Ishida’s been up to for the past year. It was tough to translate because it was so long, but I had a lot of fun.

Let me know if there are any mistakes, I’m sure there’s a whole bunch. Have fun reading!

Original can be found here.

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2019. I’m reflecting on this past year while flipping through my agenda. Since I’m writing this for my sake, there’s going to be a lot of sections without much explanation.

January

○ This was when Jack Jeanne had yet to be announced, so I was mostly doing preliminary work at the time. Stuff like “BU” and “character facial expressions” will be finished some time this month, is written in my schedule book.

○ New Year’s party in Tokyo from the 16th - 19th. The New Year’s party is a joint party that’s comprised of the 4th editorial department (Shueisha’s seinen magazine branch) that’s held every year in January. I attended the party with the staff every year during serialization, minus my first year.

2019 will be the first New Year’s party since the series ended, but I thought I should stop inviting the staff to attend since we’re not working together anymore (plus it’d be a hassle), so I didn’t really invite anyone. But the day before the event, Editor M brought up the topic inside the taxi and asked, “Are none of the staff coming this year?” (Even if they’re invited now, it’s going to be impossible, asking them to fly the next day and causing a ruckus…) When I replied, “Hey, I’m sure it’d be fun if you invited them and they all came~”, the editor contacted Goubaru-kun, and after said, “He said he’s going.” Guess he wasn’t busy. In the end, the staff during serialization and several people from OB and OG came, almost identical to the lineup from previous years, and it occurred to me that maybe I should have just invited them from the start.

Anyway, at this year’s New Year’s party, I don’t really remember much of what happened. I talked with my senpais from back when I was an assistant for Kingdom, and outside the venue I sobered up from the agoraphobic dizziness I was feeling inside. At the second party I remember people talking to me haphazardly and being photographed. I wish I’d refused. Also, I was sexually harassed by Rikudou Matsubara, my senpai from the same region as me. This New Year’s party will be my last.

February

Briefing session for the game held in Tokyo. Key visual created. It says here [on the agenda] that I want to go to Kagoshima. Every week there’s a checklist for 10 km of jogging and weight training 2-3 times a week. I spent about a week doing some composition work. It ended up being helpful for me, but it made me decide not to work anymore with people with different levels of interest from me.

○ TRPG is written for the 28th. Usually we use the DX (Double Cross) system, but this time one of our participating players, M’s schedule was under mysterious attack. As game master, taking consideration of everyone who’d made time in their schedules for tonight, I thought we could switch to Cthulhu and asked them to wait an hour. 2 hours later I finished coming up with a scenario and began the session. It was fairly fun.

March

Finish BU this month, is clearly noted down. BU stands for bust-up, which are drawings of characters in standing poses [sprites] that are common in ADV games. Normally, since it takes a huge amount of work, the BU work is always divided up. The original drawings are done by the illustrator, in this case I do the base illustrations (line drawing & colouring), and using them as the base, the department sharing the work cleans up the line drawings and recolours it...that’s how the process goes. But since I’m a mangaka and don’t have the technology needed to make gaming assets, I thought it’d be best to leave it to the pros in that field, so that was how that stage proceeded. At that point in time at least.

I also had plans written down to go to Kagoshima. Looks like I didn’t go.

○ TRPG on the 25th. Player M’s schedule lined up with ours, so we played DX with 6 PL plus me as GM. We went to the aquarium, were attacked by witches, and so on.

April

Finish BU, is faintly written down. It seems like the work was more or less completed earlier this month.

○ High school friend K’s wedding on the 6th. Up until then I’d only been to two other wedding receptions. The weddings were for a different friend from high school, and Tajika-san, one of my senpais from Kingdom. This suddenly reminds me of that time at Tajika-san’s reception, when I took a super early flight because I absolutely didn’t want to be late whatsoever, but I ended up not being able to fly for about an hour and a half because of engine trouble or whatever, so I entered at almost the same time as the bride and groom during the reception…

K’s wedding was the first time in my life where I was present all the way from the wedding to the reception, but how should I put it, I was struck by a beam of light. I don’t know who he’s getting married to, I have no clue what their relationship is like. But I was somehow bombarded...by all these thoughts that became jumbled in my head, like the energy in this place, the power of their oaths, questioning what it was, how light isn’t always justice.

I got the feeling that this was what proper, respectable humans take part in, but since I'm fine with not being a proper, respectable human, I decided to not do anything other than what my heart desires.

I'm definitely not good with places where I’m in the spotlight. But congratulations.

○ “Play Sekiro” is strongly noted down. Thank you for supporting me in the first half of 2019.

○ TRPG for the 29th - 30th. DX. Player M’s character dies.

May - June

My schedule book is starting to look more scattered now. On the other hand, since I’ve got a good memory of this time, I can write while recalling the events.

○ I did the covers for the Touken stage play book.

I drew the cover illustrations for the Touken [Ranbu] stage play that Mikasano-san, who I’m grateful to for his work on the anime and movie scripts for TG, worked on. In my mind, it feels like I'm watching the back of who I'd consider my older brother in the creative world, or a fellow comrade on another battlefield fighting to the death. I think it came out quite charmingly, so I’ll include the links for now. Link 1 | Link 2 | Link 3

During this time of work for Jack Jeanne, I was working on “model sheets”. Blueprints for the characters’ attire, not just from the front but also the internal structure.

Unlike most other games, Jack Jeanne has “performance costumes” in addition to normal attire. Because of its “revue” theme, costumes that will be worn onstage needed to be prepared. I was shocked when I suddenly admitted that I needed model sheets for 5 different performances (spring, summer, fall, winter, final) for the 6 main characters, making 30 designs in total.

Back in the TG era, these kind of drawings that I just explained, or drawings that needed a lot of layers, were a pain in the ass. Plus I wasn’t good at them, so I thought that I didn’t want to do it for the rest of my life if possible. But it seems like I have to do this myself. With a sense of determination, I decided to work solely on this for all of May. At the same time, I made nothing but curry for all my meals. There’s no deep reason behind it, but my aim was to kinda boost my ability to concentrate daily by choosing to be decisive in that action.

○ Working on model sheets It came with an unintended effect. Because I spent a month on work that required balance and consistency, my right-left checking skills got better, and completely unrelated, I improved in drawing perfect copies. The design work for the model sheets itself became really fun to do, starting around when I became obsessed with the scarf design (sumo wrestler drawing) I definitely couldn’t use for Neji’s summer costume. I discovered that it’s precisely because I’m not good at this that my labour bore fruit. I feel like this was my experience for the latter half of the year.

July

The cast members were chosen. Unlike TG, there are 6 people + 1 person who can be referred to as the main character, so it was interesting to have a cast with some breadth.

Seems like lyrical work was the main thing I worked on.

Lyrical work. In Jack Jeanne, each performance contains several songs to sing and dance to, so each one is supposed to be sung. ...hence the lyrics.

The topic of what to do with the lyrics was brought up in November 2018. What happens typically is that, let’s say there’s singing in an idol game, then a company that specializes in it is asked to produce the songs. Even for Jack Jeanne, there were several candidates I could pick and choose from. But after a quick look-through, frankly speaking, they all looked the same to me. There’s one person that’s good, it’d be great if we could get them...is what I thought, but, “Even though I don’t have the skills, I’m the one who understands this world the best,” crossed my mind. ...should I try? I tried it. To be honest, I was super embarrassed since it’d be seen by a lot of people, but it evolved into, “Who cares if you’re doing it?” And so Jack Jeanne’s lyrics were tasked to me.

I mentioned this earlier, but there are multiple songs for each performance. So if you combine those plus the opening and ending songs, that makes 17 songs in total. Lyrics for 17 songs that I’m fully responsible for. What the hell...am I doing? Maybe it was from that moment that I started losing it.

Including the lyrics that I’d been working on bit by bit every month, the remaining ones were finished in one go this July. By the time I finished everything, my current state was, “Give me more songs...let me write more lyrics!” But it wasn’t over just yet.

August

Every time I meet someone I tell this story. I’m thinking of keeping it up. Here I am, relieved to have finished the lyrics, when a message pops up on the Skype group chat. It’s from Yamashita Daisuke of Broccoli.

To briefly touch upon Yamashita Daisuke, he is a young man who’s been involved with this project since October of 2018, and a poor soul who was tasked with conducting very important meetings on his third day of working at the company.

The producer from Broccoli was going on maternity leave, so he was scouted as her replacement. As an aside, if I have to be honest, the exchanges between me and Towada-san, and Broccoli’s Jack Jeanne team up until then were quite frustrating. “How about doing it like this?” they would counter. And we’d respond with something like, “This part is going to be developed later on, and since this will become foreshadowing for the entirety of the story, it can’t be modified that easily.” This kind of situation, having to explain everything in detail one by one, going 3 steps forward and being held 2 steps back, had been going on for about 3 years, so the two of us would often whine about it over drinks, going, “When should we quit, this is ridiculous,” etc.

Finally when things began going more smoothly, the producer who was leading the project took her leave, so I wondered if we’d be able to get along with Yamashita Daisuke, but he was, how should I put it, very diligent. For the last year I've been working with people who don’t put in their best effort, so I was very hopeful and thankful to him.

But I digress. This was the gist of the message that Daisuke sent.

“Kosemura-san’s who’s in charge of musical composition wants ‘scratch vocal tracks’ for when the singers are recording.” “Does Ishida-sensei happen to know anyone he could ask for this favour?” “I’m sure it won’t be a problem for you!” “Frankly speaking, it’s okay even if they’re bad.”

Huh. Well, as you might have already guessed, even with the lyrics, it’s impossible to really understand the song at first sight without knowing what kind of rhythm, what kind of emotions are being expressed in the bar measure. Of course we’d need ‘scratch vocal tracks’ to explain the general feeling of the song.

Now, what Daisuke said was, “Do you have anyone you can ask? It’s okay even if they’re bad. Or even you can do it.” But if I found a “it’s okay even if they’re bad” kind of person, we’d still have to show them how to sing it and explain how the rhythm goes. Daisuke already knew which was probably why he asked for the favour. “The person writing the lyrics would be able to make the scratch vocal tracks the fastest.” ...come to think of it, the demo songs that Kunimitsu sent me every time that were sung using Vocaloid, weren’t they also scratch vocal tracks?

Daisuke must have been in a pinch trying to figure out how he should ask me candidly. Ishida-sensei, I couldn’t just ask you to sing it, so I had to ask in a roundabout manner.

I’d already given my answer, but I was still hesitant. It’s true that after I finished writing the lyrics for the 17 songs I’d already lost sight of myself, but if I sang, my singing would reach Broccoli and Kosemura-san’s team’s ears. But I couldn’t just leave poor Daisuke hanging.

So I consult Towada-shi, whom I’d been collaborating with in creating the scripts for Jack Jeanne, for advice. (He had been in charge of TG’s novels, and I’ve known him for a long time.) “Did you check Skype?” “I did.” “What do you think?” “Start by looking up scratch vocal tracks,” so we paid a visit to YouTube. The first search result that came up for ‘scratch vocal track’ was a video of a vocalist who was used to sing a scratch track for AKB or something. I see, so that’s what it looks like. Innocuous, but I could see it was very professionally done.

And the second result that came up was Tsunku♂-shi. The figure of Tsunku♂-shi himself recording a scratch track for his idols. The producer himself became an idol, and was singing really cutely, in his emotions and how he sang it. “This is it?” I said. “Yeah, it is,” Towada-shi agreed. If Kosemura-san and his team, and the people who will be performing the songs have to listen to it, it’d be a disservice to them to half-ass it. I don’t like people who don’t try their best. That means I have to show that attitude myself. Let’s come out of my shell for poor Daisuke as well.

“You’re gonna become Tsunku♂.” “Yeah...I’m gonna be Tsunku♂!” And that was how I became Tsunku♂.

I replied to Daisuke on the Skype group chat. “Understood, I’ll do what I can.”

So this guy, who doesn’t even know what the ‘D’ in DTM stands for, first downloads the software, and begins setting up a recording environment. Other work is pushed aside. I set 3 days to work on this.

I timidly begin working on the scratch tracks. From the perspective of someone who doesn’t have to listen to their singing for a living, it starts out as a living hell, but you get used to it as you listen to it over and over.

And so I kept learning new things. I noticed I was harmonizing with myself.

Just like Tsunku♂-shi, I’d change the voice for each character. If it was Jack (male in a male role) I’d sing like a man, and if it was Jeanne (male in a female role), then like a woman, while the main character Kisa (female) should sound cute... No, Kisa needs to be cuter! I re-recorded her part many times. Depending on the song, I’d sing for 7 people. I was Jack Jeanne now.

Tsunku♂ (I) recorded 17 songs in 3 days, and sent the data first to Towada-shi. Since I was now Tsunku♂, I no longer felt any sense of embarrassment.

“I listened to it,” the reply came, and I called him. Towada-shi was roaring with laughter. I regained the embarrassment I’d forgotten.

“Oh no, I was laughing ‘cause I was impressed,” he said, but my heart was already as fragile as that of an abandoned dog.

“Even this is a big help to Kosemura-san, and Daisuke should be grateful, right?” Yeah. Although Towada-shi guffawed at me, Daisuke will surely thank me. And then he’ll definitely tell me what a good job I did!

I dumped the music into the Skype group chat. “I did what I could,” I added.

How will Daisuke react to my Tsunku♂? I waited restlessly. Three days later on August 5th, a formal message arrived after it was received.

“Thank you very much. We will schedule a meeting with Kosemura-san…”

I couldn’t believe my eyes. My hard work got dismissed with, “Thank you very much.”

Daisuke, why? I thought you were in a pinch, so I...were...were you fooling with me from the start? Answer me! Daisuke! Just tell me I did a good job, or follow up with something, I’m fine with anything! So much for my heart being like an abandoned dog, it’s more like a grown-ass man left naked on a snowy mountain. I did what I could! This feeling was welling up inside me, but was it myself that managed to do it?

○ Later, at a meeting with Kosemura-san “It’s great that you could do this much for us. You didn’t have to do all that.” With the gist of those words, a warm blanket was finally placed over my heart, which had almost frozen to death.

“I didn’t know how to respond. I wasn’t sure if Sensei was the most who did it in the first place,” Daisuke said, so I decided to satisfy myself by threatening, “I’m gonna tell this story until the day I die.”

September

○ Responses to the Questions to Ishida Sui contest We did a “Ask anything to Ishida Sui” contest as a project for the art book “zakki:re”, where purchasers could apply with a postcard. I was writing the replies for them.

I thought there’d be a lot more questions about TG or its contents, but surprisingly there were a lot of questions asking for life advice. There were quite a few questions that I had to seriously think about to answer.

It was kinda tough since there were over a hundred of them, but I thought it’d be nice to get in touch like this every once in a while.

○ BU work for Jack Jeanne Once the music-related tasks like lyrical composition and scratch vocal tracks were completed, I worked on BU. ...BU work? Wasn’t it finished back in April?

Well, a similar situation arose just like what happened with the lyrics. Regarding sprite quality I might not be able to beat the pros, but since I’m the one who best understands how the characters look best and their body balance, I had decided to do all the line drawing colouring myself in June. I had no clue whether I’d make the deadline or maintain the quality, but thanks to Broccoli’s understanding, I was allowed to make it myself.

I realized once again that I’m terrible at splitting up work. If I can do it by myself, I will.

Plus, it’s, how should I put it, starting from my TG days, even though it wasn’t a lot I got to see various types of workplaces. I’d see places where there was no sense of responsibility whatsoever, or the work may have been divvied up appropriately, but it felt like they were making something without a sense of purpose, like a main plot line that isn’t going anywhere.

It’s impossible to accomplish big things with that kind of stance, and I understand that the more people that intervene, the more uncertain the core becomes, so I didn’t like that kind of approach. It makes me wonder whether there’s any meaning in creating a work that’s conservative and unchallenged, and if it’s nothing more than a money grab.

Since I don’t have any desire for material things, getting fed up about it is useless, but I just can’t help thinking about it.

Of course, it may be difficult to get what I want 100% of the time, but I want to create things in an environment that I think is beautiful, even in places that I’m slightly involved in.

...in other words, BU work is tough, but I began remaking the sprites once again by myself. This was the toughest work I’ve ever done out of everything, including the serialization...

○ Scratch vocals training camp at the end of September I went to the recording for the scratch vocal tracks. Based on the scratch tracks that I made, we got professional vocalists to sing it again properly. This is what the actual cast would use as a reference to sing. (So my version was like the pre-scratch vocal track.)

I was stuck in Tokyo for almost a week. Wake up, get ready, go to the recording studio. Come back at 8 or 9 pm, rest and sleep, repeat.

It was like I was back in school, and since I don’t have a steady lifestyle, I enjoyed it.

Kosemura-san’s team is really great, and I know I mentioned this before, but I felt like their workplace was a very healthy production site. When I was drawing manga, I never had much time to talk with fellow manga artists, and I’ve never had the chance to experience what other professionals’ workplaces were like, so it was very exciting for me to see people as professionals tackle one thing seriously. The vocalists were as amazing as I expected, and although my scratch tracks were played at a loud volume to annoy me, I had a great time.

The game might have a high level of entry, but it’s worth listening to just for the songs, is what I truly thought.

○ Parting words to Editor M-shi This might have been back in August, but from 2018 to 2019 I had a lot of things on my mind, so I began talking to the editor.

In between the 11 years of serialization starting from my rookie days, I’d received guidance from him so it wasn’t easy, but I expressed to him that we should keep our distance for any future works.

“I want to become absorbed in myself, not to Ishida Sui or Tokyo Ghoul,” I told him. The other part said he also felt the same way, and accepted it. The next time we meet, I hope we can talk about what we’re into, what we’re going crazy over, he said.

And so, 2 months after that conversation was the scratch vocals training camp in Tokyo, and I had the chance for the two of us to talk again. That day I was completely tuckered out from recording the scratch track, but it was a day filled with accomplishments.

He took me to a restaurant with delicious food in Ebisu or somewhere, and after concluding our brief business meeting, I tried throwing out the cliched, “So, what are you up to lately?” As the lead writer, there was a part of me that was curious about how he was doing after that talk we had.

The editor began talking about homemade curry.

...that’s what he’s into? I decide everything from selecting and picking the ingredients myself, and next time I want Ishida-kun to also see how delicious the curry is...he told me passionately, but how should I put it, the conversation wasn’t very spicy.

The food was delicious.

October

○ BU work

What’s hard about BU work is that it’s difficult to separate the layers according to the face, hair and clothes, and they all have to have the same style and touch to it. If it was manga, then maybe...no, even in manga, there’s still some need to match the outfits, but it doesn’t really matter to that extent.

It’s because I don’t like game sprites. “This character has so much energy from their sideways pose! Amazing!” This never happens…

Around this time of the year, my older sister called this elaborate task, “the task you’re probably the worst at.”

○ The bean life I’m not really fat in particular, but I made up my mind to try dieting. At the time, my body fat percentage was at 18%, and I’ve never been below 10% ever in my entire life, so I’m thinking of aiming for that. Instead of eating rice with unseasoned chickpeas and black soybeans, I began my lifestyle of consuming vegetables and cuts of meat with less fat. Hopefully I can achieve my goal in about six months’ time.

○ Ano-chan, Honda Keisuke, and I After Ano-chan left “You’ll Melt More!”, her official Twitter account removed every single account she was following, but for some reason only two people remained. Those two people were Honda Keisuke and Ishida Sui. To Ano-chan, Honda Keisuke and Ishida Sui belonged in the same category. After some time passed, even we were removed, but I consider this one of my hottest mysteries of 2019. Ano-chan! I’ll always be waiting, so let’s have tea some time with Honda Keisuke!

November

○ BU Need I say more.

○ Main cast’s first recording session from the 26th - 27th.

I visited Tokyo with Towada-shi to supervise the main cast members’ recording session. Wow, everyone was so amazing~

Of course, not just the main characters. Terasaki Yuka-san who plays the main character, Tachibana Kisa, was wonderful as well.

In this kind of game genre, the position as the main character feels less important than the male characters, but I want her to stand firmly in this story’s script. I thought it’d be nice to have the main character not stand out too much and have her watch over the male characters, and I felt that Terasaki-san’s voice and acting fit that image perfectly.

About the cast members, it seems like there’ll be a chance to speak to them eventually, so I’ll come back again.

○ 1 month into the bean life I’m steadily losing weight. Basically I always work from home. I go to the gym and supermarket 2-3 times a week. I started cooking for myself. I got a brand new refrigerator to replace the one that suddenly broke. It actually cools things down now. Living standards have risen.

December

○ I break off ties with M who I played TRPG together with. He was a former classmate who was even chief assistant at some point during the series’ run, but eventually he ended up getting fired due to falling asleep at work. He said he’d attend the last session for the story that day (although his own character had already died), and I was working on a schedule to accommodate him, but once again he cancelled at the last minute.

It’s fine to cause trouble for me (although I’ll probably get pissed), but I can’t overlook treating others the same way. And it’s not the fact that his schedule didn’t match up, it’s because he was complete trash who didn’t know how to behave like an adult once he made plans with others, that I felt sorry for the other TRPG people who took time out of their schedules. Since I felt ashamed when I was together with him, I decided I’d had enough.

This was a year where I cut ties with a lot of people, but I think what they had in common was that I was ashamed to be with them. From now on, I don’t want to associate with such people.

What’s more, when I finally told him, he didn’t even try to deal with it and just gave up, responding, “So that’s how you felt about me. Okay. My bad.”

I won’t go anywhere with those kind of people again.

○ The bean life ⇒ the potato life. I changed it to potatoes.

○ BU is over...

On December 17th, I finally finished the BU work that I spent ageeeeeeeees on.

Although I said that serialization is tough, as long as I finished 18 pages a week that was it (although there were times where I was chasing myself with other work), so I could finish it as long as I didn’t sleep. I somehow managed to finish both the manuscripts and the colour illustrations this way, so expecting BU to be similar, I wasn’t really scared about it never ending, but BU truly was despair. When is this gonna end? I’m even working super hard… This is how it went on the entire time for over a month.

There were about 200 different sprites I had to make myself, including the different costumes and poses, and I had to do all of them.

For one thing, when, “This process is necessary,” came out, I had to go through the same process roughly 200 times, that it felt like I was facing the final boss who already transformed many times. Also, it’s like not equipping myself with a lot of equipment and recovery items in the previous town, but the dungeon I somehow managed to enter is extremely dangerous and even though there’s no safe points anywhere in sight, the boss suddenly comes up behind you, and you go I’m gonna die I’m gonna die

○ If you eat a lot while you’re losing weight, you’re going to have a bad time.

On December 15th I had trouble concentrating, so I tidied up the living room, created a space in the middle of the room, and darkened the lights. After an hour of meditating, only the sound of my breathing could be heard in the room, and so I went back to work with renewed concentration after confronting the issue (like a monk?).

On December 16th, I’ve been working the entire time since morning. I thought today was going to be the last day, but an entire day has passed and I don’t have any energy...

I’ll buy a midnight snack, replenish my energy, and end it once and for all. I’m trying to lose weight, but I went to the convenience store while thinking about how I’m gonna eat a katsu sandwich (I didn’t have the energy to cook).

While looking for something at a convenience store I can eat during weight loss, I think back over the last few months.

Like how it seems like BU is finally over, how a lot of things have happened, how I’m working hard, how lately I’ve been eating only potatoes, vegetables and meat.

And then I suddenly thought, “I wonder if the reason I don’t have any energy is because I haven’t had any rice lately.”

...I thought I should go on a diet in October, so I’ve been living a very modest life since then. Thanks to that, my weight has steadily decreased, and my body fat percentage has gone down 3% to 15%. What will happen if I continue with my relatively strict dietary restrictions during this difficult time?

...even if you’re losing weight, there’s a technique you can set up to binge eat during periods where weight loss stagnates, called cheat day (though results may vary), but what is it that makes no-cheating so inefficient even for weight loss?

...should I have a cheat day today?

“Huh, is it really okay?” I asked my mind. “Do it!” was the answer I got. From that moment, everything around me morphed into things I could eat.

No exaggeration, my knees trembled.

I crammed into my shopping basket carbohydrates, carbs, more carbs… It’s okay just for today, I say as I shove cream puffs, dorayaki, pudding, Family Mart chicken and ice cream. (Even if it's a cheat day, it’s probably not a good idea to take non-nutritional foods, but shh.)

With food in both hands and in high spirits, the first thing I ate was the delicious part of the Family Mart chicken.

I groaned loudly, all alone in the room.

Alright, let’s finish this work! I was energized, but my blood sugar levels spiked so much that I felt extremely sleepy and went to bed instead.

The next day on the 17th, I wake up at 4 am and immediately notice something unusual. My body is burning. I’m sweating.

I immediately wake up, and overflowing with energy, I head for my desk. I’m working actively, and I finish the BU work. It felt like I was pushing forward with only positive energy, feeling uplifted.

I break out a laugh at a slight joke I found funny from a foreign drama (The Mentalist) I’m playing while working. The greenery of the plants and the lighted sink glisten, and the scenery is vivid.

What is this?

I suddenly recall the story of a YouTuber I saw recently. He lives in a region where medical marijuana is legalized, and he explained in detail what changes would occur if you smoked cannabis.

To put it roughly, you feel calm and your senses sharpen. Trivial things can become funny, and funny videos can make you roar with laughter.

Then maybe...I thought, I'll watch Nagareboshi (a comedy duo) on YouTube. Usually I go, haha, that's funny! But that day I exploded with laughter...all of their videos were just too funny.

I learned that when you’re losing weight and suddenly eat a lot, it alters your mind and body as if you smoked cannabis. (※ Just to be clear, I don’t know what cannabis is like.)

Thus the BU work ended with me being high as a kite.

(※ I’m covering it with mosaics for now. I’ll remove it once I can announce it.)

○ I stopped playing TRPGs. I’ve been doing it for about two and a half years, but it also helped me in honing my creative skills. I’d sometimes perform, so it was useful when I was recording the scratch vocals… It was a good experience, managing to vicariously live the energy of ending a story. It was a story about a group of friends, so it was easy to appreciate.

Summing up 2019

After the weekly series finished in 2018, I was in a daze for a few months, but in 2019 I worked only on Jack Jeanne for the year.

This year I tried various things, and trite as it may seem, felt the possibilities within myself expanding. I had many opportunities to realize how important it is to keep a distance from bad things that don’t do anything for me.

During my work on Jack Jeanne, I vaguely thought about my future creations. The work I’m doing now in game production is fun so I wonder if I can keep working in this field, but I’d also like an environment where I can release things more constantly.

I can’t promise anything specific, but I’m going to work on things that I want to do.

I look forward to what 2020 has to offer. Have a happy New Year.

2019.12.31 Ishida Sui

[nebulawritings]

A Mistake and a Choice Part Four (and a bit)

Part four (and a bit). This is kind of a filler part. I’ve had a few requests from people asking me to carry this on, and I don’t currently have a job to go to, so why the heck not. It’s short and sweet, Bryce x MC centric. FYI mentions of polyamory so if you don’t like that don’t read it. Simple. Thanks again for the comments, some awesome messages which makes my day to read. Enjoy reading, likes, comments etc etc always appreciated.

EDIT

Posted again due to spam. Hyperlinks not working as on mobile but will fix in the morning. FYI I hate Tumblr mobile for making posts.

Part One

Part Two

Part Three

Part Four

Part Four (and a bit)

Book: Open Heart, Book 2 [Choices Stories You Play]

Pairing: M!DrValentinexEthan M!DrValentinexBryce

Reading Time: ~ 5 minutes

Warning: Swears.Fluff ahead.

_________________________________________

The light filtered through his bedroom blinds, harsh and unwelcoming as it pulled the young doctor from his slumber. Blinking the sleep and blur from his eyes, Casey enjoyed the brief 30 second moment where he didn’t remember why he was laying on top of the duvet on his bed, fully clothed save for his shoes which were tossed on the floor. But, all too soon the previous nights events hit him like a tonne of bricks. “Oh God…” he groaned, burying his face in the comforter beneath him. It wasn’t so much that he was heartbroken, but embarrassed and ashamed of what had happened including the fact the Bryce had seen him like that. “There is no way I’m getting up today” came a muffled groan, although luckily he’d arranged to have the whole weekend off anyway. The young Doctor struggled out of his pants, socks and jumper before crawling underneath the sheets, trying to hide from everything that had happened. He couldn’t face it…Not yet.

“Casey, if you don’t get up in five minutes I swear to God I’m going to throw a bucket of cold water on you”.

The yelling from the door awoke him, and Casey poked his head out of under the sheets. “Shuddup, Jackie!” he yelled back, throwing a pillow at the door. “I’m not working today!”.

“I know!” came a reply, “but for the tenth time you’ve got a visitor and if I have to make small talk for much long I’m going to go insane”.

“Tell them to go away” he muttered half-heartedly, burying his head back down into his pillow.

“Oh for the love of; just go in there” he heard Jackie say, someone else responding in a muffled tone. Casey groaned and threw another pillow at the door, just as it opened, hitting the guest square in the face.

“Hi to you too, sleepy head”.

“Bryce!” Casey exclaimed, scrambling to sit up. “I-I’m sorry, I didn’t know you were there”.

The reply was laughter, and the surgeon gently closed the door behind him. “Hey, no worries. A strange guy barging in your room, I get it. I’m just glad you didn’t hit lunch”. He held up a paper bag and two cups of coffee.

“Lunch? Oh man, what time is it?”. Casey sat up properly, rubbed his face and tried to feebly fix his hair which was sticking up all over the place.

“Um…Just er, just past two”.

“You okay? You sound a bit nervous”.

“Oh, me? Yeah, totally fine. Just…you know…” he gestured to Casey’s half naked body, sheets curled around him like the damn Venus de Millo.

“Oh! Shit, sorry er let me just…” Casey leaned over, more of the covers slipping down his body and revealing his toned chest and back making Bryce swallow hard. “I’ve got a jumper somewhere…” he leaned even further, grey boxers peeking out from beneath the sheet. If Bryce hadn’t been holding two hot cups of coffee, he wondered if he’d be able to keep his hands to himself.

“There…Sorry” Casey smiled, albeit a bit awkwardly, now wearing the slouch grey sweater from the previous night.

“Don’t apologise” Bryce said, smiling easily as he sat down next to Casey on the bed. “I mean, that just gave me a huge flashback as to why I’m so into you in the first place”.

“Oh don’t, I’m a complete mess” Casey laughed, gratefully taking the hot drink and pastry Bryce had bought over. “So…What brings you here? Unless you were hoping to catch me half naked”.

“Well, not just that” Bryce responded, grinning now. “I was just worried I guess. About you…About last night. You were in such a state, Case”.

The diagnostician nodded glumly, and looked to the floor, playing with the plastic coffee cup. “I was…Am. I don’t know”.

“I don’t wanna pry, but…I kinda also had an ulterior motive for coming over?”.

Casey looked back at Bryce, who was serious in his expression. “Oh?”.

“I’m not blind, Casey. It doesn’t take a hotshot Doctor like you to work out you were waiting for someone last night for a hook-up or whatever, and they didn’t show. I just…I want a straight answer, I guess? You know how I feel about you, and I didn’t come here to upset you more or stress you out, and if you want me to go just tell me and I’ll leave but…I really, really like you Casey. Like, like you…But if there’s someone else or you’re not into me then I’d rather know”.

Casey sighed, guilt knotting in his stomach. “You’re not wrong” he answered, shaking his head. “But it wasn’t just a hookup. It was with someone I’ve been waiting for, and…I don’t know, he means a lot to me in lots of different ways”.

Bryce nodded, thinking carefully. “It’s Dr Ramsey, right?”.

Casey almost spat out the coffee he’d been drinking, and his head snapped to Bryce. “How did you-“.

“You’re phone” Bryce admitted, rubbing the back of his neck. “I didn’t mean to, I swear, but last night when I dropped you off your phone was left in the cab. I mean I’ve suspected for a while that something’s been going on between you two. Then, about 5am this morning, your phone lit up with an onslaught of messages, missed calls, voicemails…All from him”.

Casey laughed, sadly. “Well, you’re right. It was him. I was foolish enough to think he might want to be with me, and look where it got me. Clown numero uno”.

“Hey!” Bryce snapped, “if anyone’s the clown here, Casey, it’s Dr Ramsey! If you’d been waiting for me, there is no way I would’ve missed it, no matter what happened! I’d never make you feel like you did last night, I’d never let you down or humiliate you or make you search for help from someone else”.

Casey looked away. “I was wrong to contact you last night, I just…”

“You like me, right?”.

Casey looked over at Bryce. “Of course I do”.

“You like like me, right?”.

“….Bryce…”.

“You’ve been avoiding being with me because you’ve been waiting for him, right? When he pissed off to the Amazon for God knows how long you were being faithful, you didn’t sleep with me, because you thought you had something with him, right?”.

“…Yes”.

Bryce took a deep breath, a small smile on his lips. “You don’t know how relieved I am that this has been going on”.

Casey’s brow furrowed and he frowned, confused and a little hurt. “Relieved? Why the hell would you be relieved?”.

“Listen, Casey, I’ve been in all sorts of relationships before. Threeway, fourway, I’m with her and she’s with him way. I thought you didn’t like me! I thought that’s why you were staying away from me! It doesn’t bother me who you’re with, me and someone else at the same time, whatever. You can want to be with more than one person. It doesn’t make you an asshole, it just means you’ve got a lotta love to give, Casey”.

The other man felt tears welling in his eyes. “I had to choose, Bryce, and I…I chose Dr Ramsey. But he didn’t choose me. I don’t know how that makes me feel. I was so certain and now…I don’t know, man”.

Bryce reached out, and cupped Casey’s cheek in his hand. “I would never make you choose” he said softly. “As long as I get to be a part of whatever’s going on in your life, I’m game. I know it’s not the orthodox way of doing things, and people have called me easy and seconds and all sorts of other shit just because they think you can only be with one person at one time but that’s not how I feel. I can’t help how I feel…What I feel about relationships. About you. And I want you, Casey, I want you to be mine so damn much”.

Casey closed his eyes, shook his head. “Really? After everything that’s happened? All the shit I’ve put you through?”

Bryce laughed. “If I’ve learnt one thing, Case, it’s that something that’s worth it is never easy or straightforward. But that makes it all the sweeter in the end”. Bryce gently leaned forwards, and placed a kiss on Casey’s forehead. “You, Casey Valentine, are worth it". He moved away. "That’s all I came to say. I’m sorry for bombarding you after such a rough time, but I felt like I was going to explode if I didn’t tell you how I felt. To let you know that, no matter what, you’ve got me. Always”. He stood up, brushed himself off. “I’ll…go now” he said calmly. “I don’t expect an answer straightaway, I know how hard being let down can feel just…Think about what I said, okay? You know where I am when you’ve made up your mind”.

Casey nodded, clutching the coffee cup hard as he swallowed. “Bryce?”.

The surgeon turned around from where he had gotten up. “Yeah?”

“Thanks…For everything”.

“No worries. See you later?”.

Casey nodded, seeing that signature smile from the surgeon that made his heart flutter. “For sure”. The door shut, footsteps retreated down the hall, and the diagnostician took a deep, calming breath. “How could I of been so stupid” he muttered, scalding himself. Casey wasn’t the type of person to be strung along, or not get what he wanted. The past year had proven that to him more than any other part of his life, from back when he was a student clawing and fighting his way through medical school to be the best, because he’d decided he was going to go to Edenbrook and study under Dr Ramsey and Dr Banerji; to fighting and defeating big pharma so recently because they were withholding life saving treatments, and not letting people live the way they wanted to. “Stop fucking moping! Get a grip! What’s wrong with you, you’re Casey motherfucking Valentine!”. He stood up, put the coffee cup down so hard it spilled on the side. “When do you ever get screwed over? Never! Do you sit and whine like a bitch!? No!”. He was in front of the full length mirror now, glaring at himself. “You’ve been chasing your tail for months you total moron, and for what? To be stood up? To have the best damn thing that’s happened to you walk out the door? No freaking way!”. Without thinking a second longer, Casey bolted out of his room, sprinted through the apartment and out into the corridor. He saw the lift closing, and cursed to himself, before running for the stairs. He took them two at a time, slipping in bare feet across the mixture of carpet and cheap lino. Casey skid to a halt in the entrance way after too many damn flights of stairs, and his eyes darted around. “Bryce!” he yelled, panting, as he saw the other man at the door of the building.

“Casey!? Oh my God, what’re you doing!?” Bryce ran over to him, and quickly shrugged off his jacket, covered up Casey’s bare legs by wrapping it around his waist. “You’re half naked, dude!”.

“I know!” Casey said, breathless, “but I just wanted to say that I was fucking stupid, and you don’t need to wait for my answer any more, you’ve waited and waited all this time-“

“Casey”

“And I’ve been a complete dick and I’m sorry, I was so lost and confused and-”

“Hey, Case”

“So fucking stupid! But I just wanted you to know that-”.

His rambling was cut off by a kiss, and Casey returned the gesture eagerly, breathing hard through his nose from where he’d been running and ranting.

“Done?” Bryce muttered against his lips.

“Not nearly” Casey replied, feeling Bryce smile.

“Shall we take this conversation back to your room?”.

Having now calmed down a little, the Doctor glanced around, and flushed deep red, suddenly very aware of the various onlookers. “Er…Yeah. Right now”.

Bryce laughed and slipped his hand around Casey’s waist, guiding him back to the elevator.

“Is it wrong that I’m kinda turned on right now?” he teased, as they stepped inside the metal box.

“All kinds of wrong” Casey smiled back, "but you don't care, do you? About what other people think?".

"Nope".

Casey smiled. "That’s what I like about you”.

"Is that all you like?".

The diagnostician hit Bryce lightly, before finding his hand and linking their fingers gently. "One of many things, Lahela. One of many".

@xxmultiangela

[qviddiitch]

⧼   darren barnet, cis male, he/his   /   we are the champions by queen + a nearly encyclopedic knowledge of all things related to quidditch, ready to recite at a moments notice; a well-worn crimson and gold sweater, a memory of a past life; half-dressed and laying on an unmade bed, his face buried in the latest issue of quidditch monthly; calloused hands from hours spent clutching the handle of a broomstrick; a sense of determination so strong, that once his mind has been made up, nothing will be standing in his way.   ⧽   ━━   hey, isn’t that OLIVER WOOD? i read a daily prophet article on them, once ; the TWENTY SEVEN year old half blood WIZARD is a GRYFFINDOR alumnus who has gone on to be a PROFESSIONAL QUIDDITCH PLAYER. i’ve heard they can be quite ASSIDUOUS & LION-HEARTED, but i don’t know… they came off very ARGUMENTATIVE & STUBBORN in that interview. it really is hard to know what to believe these days though, isn’t it?

meet oliver lachlan wood,

ABOUT: 

here’s a link to his wikia page, it’s just a reference

oliver lachlan wood was born as the result of a brief affair between aileen wood, a scottish witch, and a foreign wizard wizard. former students of hogwarts and another wizarding school, respectfully, they met through their love of quidditch and had a brief, yet passionate affair. (note, his father remains unnamed as i have a wc up for his paternal family)

his father took off after aileen relieved her pregnancy, claiming that he simply wasn’t ready to be a father. something which aileen came to accept later on, but, heartbroken she returned home to raise her son with the support of her parents.

at the time aileen was set to play for the banchory bangers and with a lot of help from her parents, she made it work. though eventually, she moved out.

they lived a simple life, just the two of them in a small house in scotland. but life was good. but still, he couldn’t help but wish he knew his father. his mother would smile whenever he asked, offering up the same story about how they met and weren’t ready for marriage.

when he was sixteen, oliver decided to reach out to his father, wanting to build a relationship with the man. but upon learning that his father had go on to start a new family, with new children, oliver became angry. and he swore he would never have a relationship with his father.

upon his arrival at hogwarts, oliver was sorted into gryffindor within seconds of the sorting hat touching his head. he knew that he belonged right away, quickly becoming friends with his fellow housemates.

he was an average student, earning passing grades, but never really excelling at his classes. his main focus was quidditch- it was this devotion that led to him becoming captain later on. 

he has always struggled when it comes to interpersonal skills, often failing to realize he comes across to people. he’s very passionate about quidditch, intense, really. he’s been known to tell his teammates to suck it up. and then there’s his peptalks, but really, he’s a nice guy.

after finishing at hogwarts, oliver accepted a position on the puddlemore united reserve team. he was on the way to his dream, but he wasn’t there yet. within a year, he’d earned a spot on the main team as the keeper. 

he returned to howarts for the battle, coming to the aid of dumbledore’s army and the order of the phoenix, fighting along side his former teammates and complete strangers. sometime afterwards he officially joined the order of the phoenix.

after harry’s death, oliver struggled with returning to his life, the sport he once loved a sad reminder of a lost friend. ultimately, he moved on, realizing that harry wouldn’t want his pity

since then he’s been living his best life, playing quidditch and just having a good time. although, the war has forced him to become more serious. 

FUN FACTS:

oliver received his first broomstick, a toy, at the age of three, and he fell in love. his mother often joked that she could never get him off the broom, which wasn’t entirely un-true. he loved flying. 

despite knowing it was against the rules for first years to have their own brooms, oliver attempted to and ultimately failed to bring his broomstick to hogwarts. he foolishly thought he’d be able to sneak it into his trunk, and it was confiscated much to his dismay. 

he considers being sorted in gryffindor to be one of the best moments of his life. the sorting hat barely even touched his head before shouting gryffindor, to the thunderous applause of his housemates. he knew he belonged in gryffindor right away. 

oliver tried out for the house team as a first year and earned himself a place on the reserve team, as well as a water boy. but he never stopped working, ultimately earning himself the position as keeper for the main team. 

he has tried to steal the hogwarts quidditch cup on more than one occasion, for reasons he either can’t explain or doesn’t want to explain. the most notable time was after the 1994 season. he was caught of course, but mcgonangall managed to talk filtch out of punishing oliver. with the exception of the battle of hogwarts, he has made an attempt to steal it every time he’s returned to hogwarts. he has yet to be successful.

himbo™ 

pansexual, panromantic. 

i haven’t figured out the logistics but this is 2020 and i like to think the wizarding community has began to embrace technology, specifically video games. that’s why oliver has partnered with a group trying to develop a quidditch based video game. 

PINTEREST BOARD: coming soon

PLAYLIST: we are the champions - queen; don’t stop me now - queen; centuries - fall out boy; the boxer - simon & garfunkel; whatever it takes by imagines dragons; i won’t back down - tom petty; eye of the tiger - survivor; let it rock - kevin rudolf; carry on wayward son - kansas

WANTED CONNECTIONS: 

OLIVER WOOD ( darren barnet ) is looking for their PATERNAL HALF-SIBLING who resembles ANY HALF WHITE FC / RYAN POTTER, KAYLEE BRYANT, BRIANNA HILDEBRAND, JAMES REID, LUCIEN LAVISCOUNT, LULU ANTARISKA, NATASHA LIU BORDIZZO, VANESSA MORGAN, VERNON CHOI, GEORGE SEAR, MIGUEL BERNARDEAU, XAVIER SERRANO, UTP and should be 19 - 26. applicants do not have to contact MAEVE to talk over the details before applying.   ( aileen wood was fresh out of hogwarts and participating in an international quidditch competition of sorts when she met and fell in love with oliver’s father. he was a young hotshot from another country and they hit it off almost immediately. and not long after the end of the event, she became pregnant. and not ready to be a father, he cut ties and ran back to wherever home was. meaning oliver was raised by his mother. his father tried reaching out over the years, but it was only after he had finished at hogwarts that oliver decided to respond to a letter.  and this led to a very awkward meeting where oliver met not only his father but the family he stayed with. needless to say, they did not hit it off and oliver likely resented his half-sibling. how oliver and his half-sibling reconnected is not really set in stone, i just know that the sibling now lives in the u.k. and i would like for attempts at reconnecting to be made! and as for details on the father, i left things intentionally vague so you can truly go wild with your characters backstory! just as long as he played quidditch and attended a school that wasn’t hogwarts!  )

OLIVER WOOD ( darren barnet ) is looking for their CURRENT/FORMER HOOKUPS who resembles UTP and should be 24 - 30. applicants do not have to contact MAEVE to talk over the details before applying.   ( i’ll try to keep this short. With the exception of his one real relationship, oliver has always been a fan of no strings attached relationships, they’re easier. between his pretty face and fame as a quidditch player, i’d like to think he gets around. whether or not this was in the past or still on-going, i’m not picky!! i just think there’s some fun to be had. )

OLIVER WOOD ( darren barnet ) is looking for their PUDDLEMORE UNITED TEAMMATE(S) who resembles UTP and should be ANY AGE. applicants do not have to contact MAEVE to talk over the details before applying.   ( i’ll keep this short and sweet! Basically after finishing up at hogwarts, oliver made the puddlemore united reserve squad as the keeper, before eventually making it to the main team. i think they’d spend a lot of time together- meaning their relationship might be interesting. oliver can be very intense and somewhat unaware of how he comes off. so there’s plenty of potential for positive or negative connections alike! )

OLIVER WOOD ( darren barnet ) is looking for their QUIDDITCH RIVAL who resembles SANTIAGO SEGURA, KEITH POWERS, ROSS BUTLER, GAVIN LEATHERWOOD, ALBERTO ROSENDE, DEV PATEL, MIGUEL BERNARDEAU, UTP and should be 26 - 29. applicants do not have to contact MAEVE to talk over the details before applying.   ( you know the whole mutual hatred-dislike relationship oliver had going on with marcus flint? this is essentially the same thing, except it’s been going on for several years now. and it’s not just on the field, they can’t stand one another, and they’ve gotten into fights on more than one occasion. basically, they both play in the british and irish quidditch league so they’ve been facing each other for years now which has only contributed to the hostility. i just think it could be fun, because oliver generally considers himself to be a nice guy. )

OLIVER WOOD ( darren barnet ) is looking for their EX who resembles ALIA BHATT, BILLIE LOURD, NATASHA LIU BORDIZZO, KEIYNAN LONSDALE, CODY CHRISTIAN, PEYTON ALEX SMITH, GABRIEL DARUKU, ROME FLYNN, UTP and should be 26 - 29. applicants do not have to contact MAEVE to talk over the details before applying.   ( i’m a real sucker for an angsty, ex connection so here i am. this would be the one serious relationship oliver has ever had in his life. they dated for over a year and everyone thought they’d be together for the rest of their lives, unfortunately, oliver put his career first which led to a fairly nasty break up. ideally tensions would still be fairly high, whether or not it’s just because they’re both the argumentative type or because oliver doesn’t seem to care can be discussed, i just think this could be fun. )

other ideas include quidditch friends !! maybe your character doesn’t play quidditch but they’re a fan and they like to talk about it with oliver because he’s a fanatic. or fellow players, anything quidditch related really!!

friends ?? he’s a nice guy, bit obsessed with quidditch. it’d be nice if he had some friends that he met through something other than quidditch/they talk about stuff that’s not quidditch. i’d also like his best friend.

a roommate could be fun !! i feel like he’d want one just bc he’s not always home and someone should be there to look after the place ?? idk 

[dailyaudiobible]

12/22/2020 DAB Transcript

Zechariah 2:1-3:10, Revelation 13:1-18, Psalms 141:1-10, Proverbs 30:18-20

Today is the 22nd day of December welcome to the Daily Audio Bible I'm Brian it is awesome to be here with you today it’s awesome to be here with you Christmas week. And, yeah, a couple days and we’ll be at Christmas day. So, we’re pressing into it, pressing into the season. I'm sure you are as well. And I pray that you are experiencing moments of Christmas joy, something that's been in a little short supply, maybe a lot short supply this year. But anyway, we have come to center ourselves in the Scriptures, to exhale all that's going on around us and just warm ourselves at the Global Campfire as we take the next step forward in the Scriptures. And we began the book of Zechariah yesterday and I mentioned then that Zechariah will take us all the way until a couple of days before the end of the year. Zechariah is the second to the last book in the Old Testament. And yesterday when we began Zechariah, we just gave some context and one of the pieces of context was that Zechariah contains eight different night visions and we will begin with the third one today. Zechariah chapters 2 and 2. And we’re reading from the New English Translation this week.

Commentary:

Okay, we were talking about this being Christmas week at the beginning today before we read the Scriptures. And, yeah, this is Christmas week. The day after tomorrow is Christmas eve if you can believe it. And, so, we’re in it and we’re trying to finalize and get everything together and figure out how we’re gonna do everything and…and we’re also likely to be around family, whether that is immediate family or we have extended family, whether we’re getting in a car and traveling, whether we’re gonna get on a plane and travel or whether that's gonna happen where people are traveling toward us. Likely, whether we’re having a very very large family gathering or whether it’s going to be really intimate we’re going to be together with…with our family and when that happens all kinds of really really wonderful, joyous things can happen. Hearts can be united…just the love for our family and the people that we grew up with or the people that we've known our whole lives, it just emerges and we…we feel that warm cozy spirit of Christmas but, you know, in that situation, it…it’s just warm and cozy and dry and one match thrown into the middle of that can just…it can just blow the whole thing up. Like one person who decides that they need to vent about their political views in the middle of all that or one person bringing up some kind of scorn or something from earlier years, any little thing can make a volatile situation explode. And it wasn't that long ago that we read the book of James or the letter of James, in which he talked about how we can bless people and curse people out of the same mouth and surely that's not right. And, so, right now is a good time to kind of put some of this that we've learned about our mouths and how powerful they are into our pocket and carry it around because usually when the volatile things happen they just…they happen randomly. I mean we know…we may know who’s the likely one to start something. Maybe we’re the likely one to start something. And maybe this year it should be a break for everybody. Maybe we should bite down on our tongue instead of waggin’ it. I mean because we can be the giver of joy. I mean, when we think about Christmas spirit and Christmas joy and we think about how it's affecting us, like are we feeling it? But the thing is, we can give it, we can build each other up instead of tearing each other down. And, so, we turn to the Psalms then today and we read these words, “O Lord place a guard on my mouth. Protect the opening of my lips. Do not let me have evil desires or participate in the sinful activities with men who behave wickedly.” We should put that in our pocket too as we go into these next few days and determine in advance, if somebody lights the match and throws it into the middle of everything that doesn't mean that it's compulsory that we participate. It can be a situation where our…our unwillingness to participate and amp things up is saying a lot without saying anything. If we find that our words that we have determined that we will only build up and not tear down, well that would be quite a Christmas gift to give and it would change the atmosphere. And we may not be able to stop the kinds of things that happened from happening, but we do have control over ourselves. And, so, let's just remember, yeah, it’s family, yeah, it's presents and gifts and festivities and Christmas music and lights and it's just wonderful but what we are honoring is the arrival of the presence of peace. And, so, if we’re not going to actively participate in peace on earth, especially at Christmas…well…there's a disconnect somewhere. Let’s put our faith into action in these coming days because these are days of great joy.

Prayer:

Father, we invite You into that. Joy…joy flows from You. And when we experience joy, we are becoming aware of Your presence. And this is a joyful time in the midst of a very trying season. And, so, may we experience Your joy and then in turn give Your joy, build one another up, not tear one another down. We pray the Psalm, “Lord place a guard on our mouths. Protect the opening of our lips. Don't let us have evil desires or participate in sinful activities.” Come Holy Spirit we pray. In the name of Jesus, we ask. Amen.

Announcements:

dailyaudiobible.com is home base, it's the website, its where you find out what's going on around here. You can find out what's going on around here using the Daily Audio Bible app just as well by pressing the Drawer icon in the upper left-hand corner.

Of course, we’re days away from Christmas. So, that's what's going on around here. So, check out the Christmas resources that are available, especially the musical ones. The Family Christmas album, which is an instrumental…just a beautifully contemplative album for the Christmas season, the kind of…it’s the kind of one that you want when you…when you're trying to wind down. You gotta a cup of cocoa or whatever, you got the lights on, maybe the Christmas lights and nothing else, maybe a fire in the fireplace. It's that kind of record. So, check that out. You can stream it on Spotify or Apple music or YouTube music or Google play, whatever, You can buy it there at the iTunes Store or wherever you get your music.

And the other…the other Christmas thing is “O Holy Night” that Jill and I put together a couple weeks ago in preparation…she's gonna sing virtually at a Christmas eve service this year. And, so, we’ll put links up to that on Christmas eve on our social media channels in case you don't have a candlelight service that you can attend. But she sang it with such heart and passion, and we were just…we were like wow, we should release this. And, so, we did, and you can stream that on Spotify or Apple music or wherever or buy that as well. Just look for Jill Parr and O Holy Night and you will find it. So, check those…check those out.

If you want to partner with the Daily Audio Bible here in the waning days of the year, thank you humbly and truly from our hearts. Thank you for your partnership. I’ve said it…feels like I’ve said it like 360 times or whatever this year. We wouldn't be here if we weren’t in this together. That's a fact. And, so, we are profoundly grateful that we are moving through another year. And thank you for your partnership. So, there is a link on the homepage. If you’re using the app you can press the Give button in the upper right-hand corner, or the mailing address is PO Box 1996 Spring Hill Tennessee 37174.

And as always if you have a prayer request or encouragement, you can hit the Hotline button in the app, which is the little red button at the top or you can dial 877-942-4253.

And that's it for today. I’m Brian I love you and I'll be waiting for you here tomorrow.

Community Prayer and Praise:

Good morning Daily Audio Bible family this is June in Maryland I am calling to give a praise report. I am just praising God for bringing me through this year. This year started off really rough with some heart palpitations that had me out of work for almost 2 months and then I went back to be a Covid nurse and once I returned to my psych unit, I got Covid. All the while I was still trying to finish school which I did. I graduated with my Bachelor of Science in nursing on December 5th. So, I’m very thankful to be alive, to be able to breathe, and to have been able to complete this degree despite all of the obstacles and frustrations. So, yea God. Thank you, God. Nothing is possible without God but with God all things are possible. That’s all I have for today. I’ll call back another time. Love you all. Have a blessed day.

Hi this is Sarah from South of England this is my first prayer request and I really need prayer. How to make it brief? I have __. I’ve had a recent relapse after 20 years of…of pretty severely…being pretty severely affected and I just feel devastated because I…I’ve lost so much of what I could do, particularly…mainly with my arms and needing a lot more help. And it’s…it’s just complicated with social services and carers and things. And apart from that I…I can’t do the greater things that…that I most love, that I’ve always felt, you know, that what God made me for really. And I’m…I just really need companionship. It’s just not because of the Covid, but obviously that hasn’t helped. I’m single and I’m 52 and…and wondering if, you know, I’ll ever be able to…to find someone to share my life with. And even if I could socialize and…and have lots of friends, that would…that would…would be okay but I can’t do that. And…but I know that ultimately, I need God to be my everything…to not…to not demand that recovery is the only answer for me. But he can heal me as well. I know that. But just to find peace in him, to find my joy in him because I know he can bring joy no matter what’s happening to us and I need that, I need that desperately. I need to…to get back to that place of…of being at peace with him and trusting him no matter what my circumstances are. So, thank you.

Hi, my name is Jay I’m from Georgia from Rome Georgia. It happens that I lost my job this past Monday and I there’s an appeal process an appeal’s process that I’m undergoing and a few other things that might help but most of all I just want to come to the throne of grace, and I want to ask if all of you can help me pray that I get my job back. It’s hard. It’s a hard time because my…my husband is going to school right now and I was the one who supplied. But God supplies all my needs according to his riches in glory. And I would ask if you would stand with me in faith and ask that God would lead me and guide me. God bless you all.

Good morning DAB family this is Sally in Massachusetts. We’re in the midst of a beautiful snowstorm today. I had to chuckle Little Cherry when I heard you describe getting ready to go to the sunrise. It reminded me of the eight years I lived in Saskatchewan. Mighty cold but I loved it. I love the sunshine. And…and thankful. Lord I’m so thankful for our brothers and sisters scattered all over this world. It’s wonderful to hear from all the different states from…from places like New Zealand and Australia and Singapore and South Sudan and Germany and India and Eastern Canada and all the states that we hear from. Lord, we are so blessed to have You bring us into the family of God scattered over the world. We thank You so much for the DAB that brings us together. Lord I lift up Margo and her husband as they prepare to go back to Liberia. Please strengthen and guide them. Please provide their needs physically Lord, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, financially. Lord we just pray for the wisdom that he needs as he prepares information to be a better pilot and to care for his plane and pray for Margo Lord. Just guide her as she gains insights into being a better nurse. Oh God and we just thank You for the love for the lost, their desire Lord to make You known. We pray Jesus that You would just bless them and guide them. Thank You, once again great and holy God for all You’ve done and all You’re doing as You bless Your church around…

Hi DABbers, this is Alina Jesus Worshiper from Delray Beach. I’m actually calling with a praise report and I wanted to thank you so much for praying for me and my husband. More than a year ago my husband told me that he doesn’t want to be with me anymore and it was a mistake that we got married after like almost 10 years of marriage and it was really painful for me. All of this time we’re separated but together under one roof and I was praying for his salvation. And I’m not sure, I don’t think that salvation happened yet, but God is changing my husband’s heart. And recently my husband came back to me. He came back to be my husband and now he would like to have family and he would like to have kids and he talks about God all the time and I know that God is…God is calling him. And I’m just so excited to share this with you…this journey. God is so faithful to everybody who is struggling in their marriage. I’ve waited for one year to every relationship with my husband. It was so painful and with all this other things that people were talking and 2020 nothing was as hard as just being in the same house with somebody who says every day that he doesn’t love you anymore. But, you know, God is so faithful. God is so faithful. When I was struggling, and I was without my faith he was putting me up and Daily Audio Bible family helped me out so much being connected to the word every day. I want it or I don’t want it. It became my habit after like two years or so. So, I wanted to thank everybody for praying and I pray for you today in Jesus’ name to experience this, the same thing as I did. Amen.

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Bookshelf Briefs 9/30/20

Accomplishments of the Duke’s Daughter, Vol. 6 | By Reai and Suki Umemiya | Seven Seas – Another series down to “once a year” release—I had to jog my memory at the start to recall what had been happening. Many things are going wrong for our heroine, who is trying to be strong and tough but is also starting to break down, and I felt that the scenes with her and Dean struck just the right balance of comforting and letting the heroine cry without making her seem weaker. This sets the stage for her comeback, which is extraordinary. (And also has a corrupt Church, a constant in Japanese light novels, though at least here there are also honest and good religious people in it.) That said, eventually Dean’s identity will come out, and I do wonder how this very good “villainess” isekai will handle it. – Sean Gaffney

The Ancient Magus’ Bride: Jack Flash and the Faerie Case Files, Vol. 1 | By Yu Godai, Mako Oikawa, and Kore Yamazaki | Seven Seas – A faerie switched at birth for a human child, Jack never fit in in either world. Only in the mortal realm could she earn money for anime collectibles, however, so she decided to make herself into a tough, capable woman like her literary heroes and set up shop as a detective. Together with her fellow changeling, Larry the werewolf, Jack takes on supernatural cases in New York City. In this volume, Lindel tasks them with tracking down a missing dragon egg. I liked the resources Jack uses to obtain information, which include a dapper theatre ghost and a spell with components of rat whiskers and taxi tires because “Nobody out there knows this city better than them.” I still found this a bit hard to get into, though, especially the parts involving a perpetually tearful off-off-off-off-Broadway actress and her pickpocket boyfriend. Still, I will check out volume two! – Michelle Smith

Black Clover, Vol. 22 | By Yuki Tabata | Viz Media – At long last, this interminable arc comes to an end. I enjoyed a lot of it, but I cannot deny it should have been about two volumes shorter. Most of the book is taken up by shonen battles, with the villain being nigh unkillable, the heroes almost breaking themselves to stop him, etc. Fortunately, the day is saved, and even the Wizard King turns out to be… sort of alive again? Shota fans should be happy. Asta fans perhaps less so—the sheer amount of damage done to the kingdom in this arc means someone has to be blamed, and give Asta has the “dark evil magic” it’s gonna be him, especially when he takes the incredibly obvious bait they use to get him to fight. Oh well, if Asta were smart, this wouldn’t be Black Clover. – Sean Gaffney

Don’t Toy with Me, Miss Nagatoro, Vol. 3 | By Nanashi | Vertical Comics – Part of the problem with titles like this and the other teasing works (Takagi-san less so as Nishikata doesn’t fall into the category) is that they are, at heart, the classic “extroverted girl acts overtly extroverted to bring introverted guy out of their shell,” and that’s not really a plot that feels comfortable in the Gen Z days, where you’re more likely to say “why doesn’t she just let him be in his quiet, safe space?” And by she I mean they, as Nagatoro’s two friends appear far more often here, which offers some good two-way teasing action, as they clearly see her crush on him, if not why. It’s still sort of hard to read, but if you pretend he’s more OK with it than he actually is, this is cute. – Sean Gaffney

Failed Princesses, Vol. 1 | By Ajiichi | Seven Seas – The concept of “popular girl meets unpopular girl” is a common one in yuri manga, and we do indeed hit several of its tropes in this first volume. The amusing thing is that Kanade, the shy outcast girl, is perfectly aware of how things are supposed to go, and keeps pulling back a bit to try to save Nanaki from, well, making herself an outcast by associating with the wrong people. The best part of the volume is that Nanaki really doesn’t give two shits about any of that, and seems set on making Kanade her best friend… and also making her over, which backfires a bit as Kanade cleans up nicely. I hear this gets a bit dramatic later, but for the moment it’s a cute and fluffy proto-yuri story. – Sean Gaffney

In/Spectre, Vol. 12 | By Kyo Shirodaira and Chashiba Katase | Kodansha Comics – The first story in this volume is another “Rikka tries to make people understand Kotoko is an evil Machiavellian schemer,” this time with one of her ex-classmates, but again the response seems to be “we know she’s a manipulative bitch, but she’s a good person anyway.” The larger story, which will continue into the next book, seems to be a chance to write Kuro and Kotoko as an actual romance, as the man we meet here and his relationship with a yuki-onna… as well as his penchant for attracting misfortune… very much parallel them. That said, they’re very cute together, which is why I hope he avoids the murder charge he’s now being investigated for. Still a favorite. – Sean Gaffney

Interviews with Monster Girls, Vol. 8 | By Petos | Kodansha Comics – The author knows what people want to see, but also knows that the best way to get readers is to drive them crazy by not showing it. We finally get what we’ve been begging for here, as Tetsuo asks Sakie out on a date. (This is after rejecting Kyouko’s love confession, both because she’s his student and also, as he is forced to admit, as he likes Sakie.) The stage is set for the date… and the rest of the book is thus spent with the three main student girls going to Kyouko’s for a fireworks viewing and meeting her family. They’re good chapters, and I really liked showing how difficult Kyouko has it as a dullahan in terms of everyday life, but GOD, please get back to the teachers, I beg you! – Sean Gaffney

Kaguya-sama: Love Is War, Vol. 16 | By Aka Akasaka | Viz Media – The series has gotten to the point where the more rewarding chapters are the ones as part of a larger arc. Not that the one-shot chapters are bad—though Maki’s journey to India may be the most pointless thing in this entire series to date, we do get Chika’s iconic “shut up or I’ll kill you” here. But the larger arcs, featuring Miyuki and Kaguya attempting to date without interruptions, and setting up Ishigami and Iino for a romance—though given the number of limbs broken in this book, and Iino’s own horrible lack of self-awareness, it may be a ways out—are better. This series is still hilarious, but we’ve come to read it more for the heartwarming moments. Heck, there’s even some serious drama here. Very good. – Sean Gaffney

Nineteen | By Ancco | Drawn & Quarterly – Although it was translated and released second in English, Nineteen is a precursor to Ancco’s internationally award-winning manhwa Bad Friends. The volume collects thirteen short comics originally published in Korea over a decade ago which absolutely remain relevant to today’s world. While understandably not as polished as some of Ancco’s later work—one can observe her style evolving and growing over the course of the collection (which is fascinating)—the comics still carry significant emotional weight and impact. Nineteen includes diary comics, which tend to be more lighthearted, as well as harder-hitting fictional stories, many of which also have autobiographical inspiration. As a whole, the collection explores themes of young adulthood, growing up, and complicated family relationships. In particular, there is a compelling focus on the relationships among daughters, mothers, and grandmothers. Some of the narratives can be rather bleak, but a resigned sense of humor threads through Nineteen, too. – Ash Brown

Ran the Peerless Beauty, Vol. 8 | By Ammitsu | Kodansha Comics (digital only) – Shoujo manga that has couples getting together BEFORE the end of the series is inevitably going to have an arc dealing with how far the lead couple should go now that they’re dating, and this is Ran’s turn, as she and Akira and their friends go to a beach house Ran’s family owns and have some beach fun. Unfortunately, the cast gets winnowed down one by one until it’s just the two of them… and her overprotective father, who arrives in time to provide the cliffhanger and no doubt ensure that nookie does not ensue. Not that I think it should—these two kids are even purer than the couple from Kimi ni Todoke, and I think they should mature a bit more before going further. Plus, watching them blush and kiss is wonderful. – Sean Gaffney

Spy x Family, Vol. 2 | By Tatsuya Endo | Viz Media – Having spent our first volume establishing that our found family can really come to love each other deep down, this volume shows off how they are also, at heart, fundamentally awkward and unable to socialize normally. This is unsurprising—hints of Loid’s life we’ve seen show him as a war orphan, Yor is a contract killer, and Anya basically grew up being experimented on by bad guys. As the school soon finds, this leads to issues. The second half of the book introduces Yor’s sister-obsessed little brother Yuri, who turns out to be a torture expert for Loid’s enemies. As always, half the fun is that everyone except Anya has no idea who their real selves are, and the cliffhanger tells us we’re in for some hilarious family fun. I love this. – Sean Gaffney

Spy x Family, Vol. 2 | By Tatsuya Endo | VIZ Media – After a brief spell atop the waiting list, Anya officially makes it into Eden Academy. Loid is anxious to progress to the next stage of his mission and, believing there’s not much chance in turning Anya into an elite scholar like his agency wants, focuses instead on having her befriend the younger son of his target. It does not go to plan, of course. Anya is very cute in this volume, and I also really appreciated how Loid genuinely listens to Yor and values her input. The arrival of Yor’s brother, a member of the secret police, is going to be a fun complication, and another cast member with a secret, but my favorite part of this series is probably always going to be how much love these three are already feeling for each other. So unique and good! – Michelle Smith

Sword Art Online: Hollow Realization, Vol. 6 | By Tomo Hirokawa, based on the story by Reki Kawahara | Yen Press – The weakness of this manga is the same as always—it’s written to tie into the games, and features several characters I just don’t recognize, which can be a problem given this is the big final let’s-save-the-world ending. That said, this is still a decent SAO title. Kirito gets to be cool and badass, but because this isn’t written just by Kawahara others do as well, and it’s a nice balanced effort that focuses on heroine Premiere. I also really liked the point where all the NPCs are worried when everyone has to log out for several days for maintenance. While I’ll still remember this as the “SAO only everyone is alive” manga, I enjoyed reading it, when I wasn’t confused. – Sean Gaffney

By: Ash Brown