#for some reason most of the Naboo thought it was some kind of practical joke

[sanerontheinside]

themoosejthm replied to your post: yo let’s play a game which Senator would burn for...

for the lulz: Padme Amidala and her comms are all her gooey love love messages to Anakin. BECAUSE SUBTLETY

*cackling* dammit Padmé XD 

[ablogcalledrevenge]

Potential (A General Hux x Reader Insert Multi-Chapter Fic)

This chapter is rated M due to graphic depictions of violence.

Chapter Five

Dinner is absolutely delicious, you begrudgingly give them that. After months of being on a starship with limited supplies, it’s so nice to get real, extravagant food again. The wine is light and crisp, the meat juicy and tender, even the bread is perfect and flakey. You briefly contemplate sneaking some back to your room for later, or perhaps home to Hux. But it would be stale by the time it gets to him and the rich herb butter would probably send his taste buds into overdrive. As if reading your thoughts, the lady of the estate; Colonel Paru’s wife, asks about your husband.

“Oh he’s just fine Karin. I spoke to him early today. He’s hard at work as ever and apologizes again for having to miss this. But I’m sure there will be more times in the future. Goodness knows I’d come back for the food alone. I’m tempted to steal your chefs right from under you.” You tease with a pleasant smile. You note absently that this is the first time she’s asked about you. You’ve been at the estate two days already and this is the first time she’s talked about anything other than herself. That was very rude. It’s clear that while these more decorated officers may wish they were royalty, they certainly are not.

Everyone at the table has a good laugh and the talk turns to business. Admiral Ersawit spears a piece of meat, pointing it at you.

“I imagine your husband is hard at work setting up the new base. He doesn’t have time to lounge around like us old banthas.” He says with a rueful chuckle.

“Oh nonsense, you’re quite spry Admiral. Why, I could see you dancing about at 200 years old!” You grin, perhaps too sharply for response, before flushing from the joke. Colonel Paru laughs as well and drains his glass.

“Just remind your husband, when he reaches our age, to focus on the finer things in life. A man feels no stress when he’s surrounded by good food and good art.” He adds, gesturing to the beautiful paintings that surround you in the dining room. He wasn’t wrong, the art was good, but the rest of the estate’s decor left something to be desired. It seemed that Colonel Paru and his wife thought that having money meant you had to buy the most expensive things available and show them off in every way. So they had beautiful art and sculptures lining their hallways, but they had too many. The wallpaper was loud and garish and the molding was gilded, and caused glares if you walked past when sunlight came through the open windows. Each trip from room to room caused a headache and you were surprised to realize how much you missed the simple gray and black of the Finalizer. 

“You do have some stunning pieces Colonel. It’s quite the collection. I’m amazed at some of the rarer paintings you have.” You agree, adjusting the napkin on your lap. Your dress was mostly white and you’d hate to stain it.

“Thank you my Lady. It takes years to acquire this kind of collection but it’s well worth it, in the end. As for the rarer pieces”, here his voice dropped and everyone subconsciously leaned in, “if you know who to talk to, you can skip some of the lengthier processes. You’d be surprised what a few extra credits will get you.”

You wag your finger and tsk playfully at him, while his wife hits his forearm with little force and a tittering laugh. You were no expert on art but you knew Old Republic Nabooian folk paintings when you saw them. The cost of an original was worth far more than a Colonel made, even one that had been a Colonel for as long as he had. Not to mention, Naboo had made a conscious effort after the destruction of the Empire to get all their art back and placed in a historical museum. This proved your husband’s claim that certain members of the Council were skimming off the top. That’s the only way he could afford such singular pieces while avoiding any legal troubles. Stealing art may not have been corrupt but preventing the people of Naboo from having a fair chance to recieve their own work was just contemptible.

You look down at your lap to avoid giving away your anger. Your fists clench in the cloth napkin while your eyes switch back and forth from one side of your gown to the other. You hadn’t questioned why you chose the dress you did, but now it felt serendipitous. Your gown was mostly white and cream with simple long sleeves and little adornment. But there was one side that was pitch black, a dark splash normally unseen on you. It wasn’t that you disliked black but you often found yourself straying away from darker colors. For some reason, you felt like they didn’t belong to you yet. Considering what you were planning to do tonight, maybe it was fate to have chosen a dress like this. 

The sound of clinking glassware brings you back to the moment as droids bring out dessert. The cake was rich and chocolatey with a fine layer of cream and fruit. Oh, you were definitely finding their chef and bringing them to your home when this was all over. 

“I’m glad you’ve taken such an interest in the art we have here, Lady Hux. It’s so refreshing to speak to someone cultured. Present company included,” Karin says and the other women give smug chuckles, “Perhaps if you’re good, I’ll send you a piece for your anniversary to the General. Though I can’t imagine where you’d put fine art on a starship. They’re all so dull and grey. You have my pity being surrounded by such coldness.”

“Not at all Karin, I find the aesthetics of a starship to be quite striking in their simpleness. True, most things are various shades of silver or black, but it all looks so streamlined and impressive that way. The fact that I stand out beautifully while wearing my more colorful gowns is just a coincidence.” You mention with a casual air that the other women see through quickly, as you intended. 

“Well of course! Your wardrobe is known throughout the galaxy. You have such exquisite pieces.” A dark skinned woman says, her hair braiding into an odd series of loops on top of her head. She gave you her name, as did the other men and women at the table, but they were not important so you forgot them. You cover your cheeks with your hands in a fake display of bashful modesty and the conversation spins again.

When droids finally clear away all the plates, Colonel Paru stands and announces to the various other people at the table that he has after-dinner drinks prepared in his study.  Your small party follows him there, chatting about the newest designers to hit Coruscant and some Captain who did remarkably well during a training exercise. As you walk you take note of any outward signs of security; cameras in the corners, panels on the walls, unusual patches of paint or suspiciously placed statues. Overall, it seems that the estate is moderately protected. There is, and will be, footage of you walking to and from your room, but that’s what you want.

The study is a circular room with high ceilings and ornate wooden bookshelves that go all the way to the top. They are filled with ancient texts and newer manuals, interspersed with knick-knacks and anthropological finds. You let your fingers dance across the spines, curving over a skull and pushing away dust from a plaque. A droid starts to prepare cocktails while the Colonel gives the other men cigars. Soon the room was full of smoke and good humor, though you desperately wish the grand fireplace was a window, as it was getting ridiculously stuffy. Still, you produce a cigarra from your purse and join everyone in smoking and drinking.

“Just a splash, I’m not as young as I used to be and I’d like to make it to my room before I fall asleep.” Admiral Ersawit says to the droid while the other men toss him knowing glances and laughter. He sips his cordial with a wink and he quickly sends a message on his data pad. You give a look of confusion to Karin but she doesn’t answer.

A minute or so pass as the group debates something trivial. Your mind is wandering so you aren’t sure. You’re thinking about your plan, going over it in your mind. It’s a good thing Kylo Ren is not here or you’d surely be caught. But as far as you know, he and his knights are the only Force users on your side of the war. You let your mind wander around Kylo Ren and his height and breadth, wonder about what his face looks like. Then it swims to your husband, stark and divine, and you imagine them on the bridge together; they must make an intimidating pair and you wish desperately to see it someday.

Then the door to the study opens and you startle back to the present. A helmeted guard enters with a truly shocking gift. Walking into the room, he leads a naked woman on a leash towards the Admiral. The old man smiles down at her and pets her head, as if she’s a simple dog. Then he lifts his feet and she shuffles on her knees to become his footrest. You are sure your face is one of horror. This is not only a show of extreme wealth but also one of power.

“I don’t blame you for wanting just a bit, what a beautiful specimen.” One of the other officers says, eyeing the kneeling woman like a luscious piece of fruit. Ersawit preens and fists the leash, accidentally choking his slave momentarily. She makes a strange gurgling noise and but otherwise says nothing. Then you notice the long scar across her neck and your meal threatens to come back up. Schooling your face, you take a long drag of your cigarra.

“Admiral, I hope you’ll forgive my ignorance, but how is it that you own a pleasure slave? The Empire dismantled most of the Hutt markets years ago. The First Order doesn’t align itself with that practice.” You say, keeping your voice unsure and confused, as opposed to righteously angry. All of the men, and a few of the women, give you pitying looks.

“Quite right Lady Hux, the Empire and Order has banned slavery throughout the galaxy. Not completely removed it, just banned it. The Hutt markets still exist if one knows where to look. I’ve served a very long time in this military and I figure I deserve a nice reward for all my hard work. Laws and morals be damned.” He explains without a hint of remorse. You tilt your head as if in concession.

“My, how clever you are. Quite right too! Why shouldn’t you enjoy all the pleasures of the galaxy? You’ve been such a monumental figure within the Empire and First Order, you deserve a sweet little thing to take care of you at night.” You say, raising your glass in a toast. Everyone joins you with hearty agreement and your hate for them makes the brandy in your hand taste sour. After a few more minutes of this you down your drink and stand, announcing you’re tired and leaving the study. All you want to do is talk to your husband and go to sleep.

Stars, but you hate them all, hate their arrogance and greed. Hate their condescension and hubris. They thought they were above everyone, above you, above your husband. They were foolish and lazy. They couldn’t see the true brilliance Hux had, the passion you had for his success. They all had so much power and they just lounged around in their ugly houses with their expensive art and mistreated servants, wasting it. You detest waste and it was about time that you clean up.

You nod at your Stormtrooper guards as you come up to your room. You enter the little antechamber; the pleasant smile you wore all through dinner dropping. Kicking off your heels, you collapse onto the luxurious bed in your gown. While you didn’t like much in this ridiculous house, the mattress under you was amazing. The mattress you had on the Finalizer was a standard one, perfectly average in every way. But your husband often complained of his back hurting, so maybe it was time you coaxed him into something new. He was the General of the fleet, he deserved a better night’s sleep.

It’s then that your datapad beeps, your husband calling you. Speak of the devil, indeed. Sitting up against a large pillow, you smooth down your hair and open the holo call, Hux’s face suddenly in front of you. The last vestige of nervous tension leaves you at the sight of his tired, but beautiful face. He’s sitting in what appears to be his office chair and based on the time difference, you’re both unsurprised and angry that he is still working.

“Hello darling. How are you?” You ask, taking in his bitten lips and dark circles. He looks annoyed and exhausted, which is pretty much his normal state of being, but you still worry.

“I’m alright my dear. Work is stressful as ever, but getting everything in place for the new base is proving more of a headache than I thought. I don’t remember Starkiller having this much red tape. Then again, I spent that time running on too much caf and stims, so perhaps there was. I also didn’t have to deal with Kylo Ren breathing down my neck the last time. He was on a mission during most of Starkiller’s construction but for some reason he’s taken to contributing now. It would be almost endearing if he weren’t so annoying. I haven’t been sleeping well either but that’s nothing to do with you.” He says, rubbing at his eyes in a rare show of weakness. It’s very touching.

“Are you sure? Are you sure it’s not because I’m not that to kiss you goodnight?” You tease, feeling your heart pound in an unusual way. You’re teasing him for his neediness while ignoring the line of pillows you’ve set up against your side to mimic his body. You don’t acknowledge the hypocrisy or the underlying affection. You and Hux may have come to a pleasant understanding but you still enjoyed spending time apart more than spending time together. That was the story you were sticking with.

Hux gives you a weak glare before a sound catches his attention and he looks away from you. He leans out of frame and returns holding Millie. Her flat face looks at you in interest, her fluffy tail swishing in front of your husband’s nose.

“Hello sweetheart. I miss you. Have you been behaving while I’m gone?” You ask your tooka, completely unapologetic in your excitement. Hux pets at a spot behind her ear and the purring is very audible. Despite Millie being a gift from him, you had been worried they wouldn’t get along. You’re relieved to see that in your absence they’ve become fast friends.

“She’s doing just well. I think she misses you too. Instead of sleeping on the couch or at the foot of the bed like she always does, she’s taken to sleeping on your side. As for her behavior; I had to send Messy in for repairs. She chased him into a wall the other day.” He explains with chagrin. As much as you feel bad for your mouse droid, you can’t help but laugh at the image that represents.

“Hopefully you punished her and she learns her lesson,” You say seriously, your lips fighting back a smile, “Try not to let Lord Ren bother you darling, I think it’s a good thing that he wants to be involved. I’m sure he has some valuable insight, in some capacity. I know you scoff at the Force, but you can’t deny that he wields power. Plus if you’re relaxed, I doubt you’ll be as annoyed by him.” Your husband nods and Millie jumps off his lap. You stretch out the kinks in your neck while he gives you a calculating stare. The mood changes and a shiver goes down your spine. 

“It’s late (Y/N), you should get ready for bed. Why don’t you tell me your evening plans?” He murmurs, leaning back in his chair and resting his fingers against his lips. Your husband’s gaze has always been intense and tonight is no different. It lights a fire within you and you quietly breathe out in anticipation.

“Yes, it is late. I should probably get into my sleep clothes.” You say slowly, carefully getting off the bed and placing the datapad upright to face you. The line between you was private and encrypted but you might as well insure that anyone who could possibly be watching will turn the feed off out of modesty.

You take off your jewelry with careful hands, placing it in a dish on the vanity. His eyes track your movement and you feel a rush of heady power. Your hands reach for your silver belt and you finally speak; the poison of your plans infecting the air around you. As you remove each item of clothing, you explain your thoughts to your husband so far away. Normally you’d undress perfunctorily, but right now, for him, you put on a show. Each layer discarded is another layer of your cruelty and by the end you are naked and he is palming himself through his trousers.

You’re about to get back on the bed and join him, when a knock sounds at the outer door. You curse and grab a large towel, your husband continuing his movements lazily. You glide out of your bedroom into the small anteroom and open the door to your hostess.

“Karin, hello! You caught me just as I was about to get into the shower.” You say breathlessly, your face probably still pink. She smiles and shakes her head.

“No worries, I just wanted to say goodnight and make sure you had everything you needed before turning in. I’ll be getting into bed soon too. Jhon is still entertaining in his study but he always comes to bed after me. Don’t be alarmed if you hear rowdiness later, that’s probably him and the others.” She says with an exasperated grin. You smile in return but your eyes are bright with interest. How thoughtful of Colonel Paru to provide the perfect spot for his demise.

“I’m fine Karin, the room is lovely and as of right now, there’s nothing I need. I’ll see you in the morning. If breakfast is as delicious as dinner, I know I’ll be up early.” You joke, before Karin waves goodbye and you shut the door. Returning back to your bedroom, Hux sits poised and ready on the other side of his screen. You give him a wicked grin and get on the bed to finish what you started. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Time passes in the liquid way it always does after an orgasm and it’s only when the chronometer chimes that you get out of bed.

You grab the special garment bag from your suitcase and quickly get dressed. The black jumpsuit and boots are slightly too big but that will only aid in your story. The suit has an attached hip pack and you make sure the blaster inside is charged before zipping it up. You put your hair up and grab the small black helmet. Then you turn on the shower in the refresher, steam quickly filling the small room. Heading over the windows, you open them slowly, careful not to make a sound. You can’t hear much over the shower since you left the door open, but better safe than sorry.

It had rained earlier in the day and there was a patch of mud under your window. There was also an old fashioned trellis covered in vines. Holding your breath and praying that the thin wood could hold your weight, you descend down the side. It is dark all around you, no lights or cameras pointing towards your window.

You step down into the mud, making sure your feet are facing the right way. You need this to look like someone approached your window. Then with a sigh, you climb back up the trellis, making sure to scrape mud on a few of the gaps you stick your feet into. As you climb, you think of your husband and all the work he does. All the slights he faces and the disapproval that follows him. He could be great, he could change the galaxy for the better, and you were going to make that happen.

You climb back in and carefully walk out of your room and into the antechamber. The Troopers outside your door are quiet and you feel a little bad for what you’re going to do. But part of their duty was to give their life in service of the First Order. You were just taking it more literal as you remove the blaster from your hip pack and flick the safety off. It’s heavy in your hand as you open the door out into the hallway. The troopers turn to face you, clearly expecting to see their Lady in a nightgown. What they see is a figure in black, face obscured. You shoot them both in quick succession, one of them managing to get a shot out but it hits the wall next to you. You were a hypocrite for wasting good soldiers like this, but if you can get away with this, they will not have died in vain.

Keeping your blaster up, you sneak down the hallway as quickly and quietly as you can. You pass no droids or guards but you don’t relax, you can’t relax. More shots will be taken tonight but they can’t be at you.

There is a light spilling out from under the Colonel’s study door and you smile at the small crack left open by someone. The Colonel’s study is close to other bedrooms so you holster your blaster. You still have more to do after this and you can’t alert anyone to your presence. The open door could be seen as a sign of favor but you still hold your breath as you squeeze through the space. The colonel is in a lowbacked armchair, facing towards the fireplace and away from you. It seems he hasn’t moved since you left the study earlier. Out of your hip pack, you pull out a thick coil of rope. Colonel Paru continues to drink his wine.

You approach him slowly, your heartbeat steady and loud in your ears. For him, for me, for us, for him, for me, for us, the beats seem to say. The colonel takes another sip and lowers his drink, his other hand resting on the armrest of the chair. Quick as a viper, you loop the rope over his head and pull it tight against his neck. The effect is instantaneous. His hands come to grab at the rope and claw at your arms but you hold tight. Using your elbow, you hit a button on the side of your helmet to raise the blast shield hiding your face. It won’t make much difference but you want him to know who his murderer is.

“Just relax Colonel, this will be over soon. Your time ruling the galaxy is done. I think we’ve had enough of your lies and corruption. You will be remembered, but not for your victories. No, you will be recorded in history for your follies and inaction but don’t fret, the First Order will rise from your ashes. General Hux sends his regards.” You whisper into his ear. With the recognition of who his attacker was, he struggles anew but it does little for him. The weathered skin of his face is turning purple and he’s making gurgling, panicked noises, his grip against your wrists getting weaker and weaker. While he’s stronger than you, your position and height over him is your advantage.

He slumps finally and you hold tight a few more moments to make sure he isn’t faking. You slowly take the rope away, shaking out your fingers. Your grip had been so tight, they were shaking and sore from the exerted energy. Briefly contemplating cutting his throat to make sure he’s dead, you decide against it. The harsh red line on his neck is proof enough. His glass has fallen to the ground, cracking into pieces and spilling scotch on the carpet below.

Giving yourself a second to collect yourself, you glance around the study. Now that it was quiet, you’d love to really explore the room but you can’t dawdle. Still, a sliver of moonlight catches on an unopened bottle of Dantooine rum. It was a very old vintage; a rare and coveted bottle that was worth quite a few credits.

“I hope you don’t mind me taking this. My darling would love it and I doubt you’ll be drinking it anytime soon. Thank you Colonel, for your service.” You remark to his still body, putting the bottle into your hip pack, before switching out the rope for your blaster and exiting the room.

You’re running on adrenaline now and you can’t stop to pause. If you do, you’ll be forced to think about the blood you’re spilling in your quest for power. While you think you’re justified in your actions, the haunting sound of Colonel Paru’s last breath is better left for a different time. Or to be more specific, the lack of feeling his dying breaths gave you.

You sneak around the estate, searching for Admiral Ersawit’s room. You’re afraid you’re going to pass right by or spend the whole night wandering when you hear a groan on the left. It’s followed by a higher pitched squeaking and you grimace behind your helmet. A few more grunts and sighs, and the people inside the room finish whatever it is they were doing. You try not to picture it. Leaning up carefully against the door, you can make out the sound of the admiral’s voice. There’s the sound of shuffling sheets and the swish of something closing. Probably the refresher if his room is anything like yours.

You’re suddenly faced with a conundrum as you step back from the door. It’s locked and the control panel is coded to fingerprints. You bite back a curse and look wildly around the hallway for something to do. You can’t just stand here; a droid or Karin may find the Troopers or her husband. Turning quickly in a circle, you try not to panic at what to do next. What would Hux do? Hux would probably do something clever, or not have to deal with this at all, the jerk. You look at the panel again. You could try to hack it, but you have no tools to unscrew the panel and you don’t have the knowledge to breach the security system. You could end up setting off an alarm.

Taking a breath, you shrug and shoot at the panel, forcing it to break and open the door amid a shower of sparks. You walk through the smoke to see Admiral Ersawit lying in his bed, looking utterly surprised and reaching for the night table. He just manages to get his hand on the blaster there when you shoot twice, getting him in the head and chest. Blood is spattered against the headboard and it looks almost artistic in the pattern it takes. How anticlimactic though; he could have at least put up a fight. Silence follows and you turn towards the refresher door which is still closed. 

“Come out honey, he’s dead. You’ve got nothing to fear. I won’t hurt you.” You announce through the distortion of the helmet. A moment of hesitation and then she opens the door, looking terrified. You smile at her through the helmet though she doesn’t see it. Then you shoot her too, her emaciated frame collapsing onto the floor. The more horrible you make your actions now, the more it will serve you. Besides, what kind of life could she have led, half starved and traumatized with her vocal cords ripped out? You were doing her a kindness and that’s what you were sticking to.

The sounds the door made when you forced it open were louder than you anticipated and you know that the shots of the blaster weren’t quiet. You shove the gun back into the hip pack and race back to your room, almost leaping with the speed you’re reaching. Thankfully you don’t get lost on your way back. You skid in front of your room, barely taking the time to breathe.

The Stormtroopers are still dead on the ground outside your room and you stop yourself right before you slam the door behind you. Closing it with a near silent click, you head towards the open window. You go down the trellis again, making sure to snag your suit on the edge before placing your boots in the mud the opposite way. Then you groan and climb back up. Next time you murdered someone, Hux could do the set up.

Entering the room, you carefully remove the boots before stepping down. The shower is still running and you tug your suitcase from the closet to hide the boots, helmet, and suit. You’ll bring them back to the Finalizer to be destroyed since they can’t be left here. You can put them in the incinerator and hope the fibers under the Colonel’s nails will be enough to help identify the killer.

Then you step into the refresher and jump under the spray, cleaning yourself efficiently. Your hair gets damp but not soaking which will hopefully match the time you started the shower if anyone comes to your room now. You climb into bed, body vibrating from the stress of what you just did.

You do feel bad, guilty about the necessary but innocent lives you had to take for your plan, but the feeling doesn’t linger as much as it should. Perhaps you should be more concerned that you barely feel any remorse for what you’ve done, but the universe was in chaos and sacrifices had to be made. You want to call Hux, tell him of your triumph but you hold back. It can wait until you’re alone with him in the privacy of your rooms. 

The last thing you do before you fall into a pleasant and deep sleep is laugh.

Chapter Six Coming Soon...

Tagging: @babbushka, @livy1391, @renaissance-mama, @girl-next-door-writes​, @peqchynero​, @niniita-ah, @the-temple-pythoness​, @cupofmoonlighttea​, @sincerely-cronch​, @potato-ren​, @brujademente​, @ah-callie​, @rosirinoa​, @lwtficrecs​, @theold-ultraviolence​, @mad-hatters-teapot​, @firstordermariposa

Please let me know if you’d like to be tagged in future chapters! You can also find the fic on AO3 here!

[twilightofthe]

In celebration of Mutual Acquaintances.. Satine: 5, 6, 7, 8, 28, 31, 42, 47, 48; Obi-Wan: 7, 8, 12, 14, 27, 31, 33, 47, 48; Padmé: 4, 6, 7, 8, 12, 18, 19, 28, 33, 34, 39, 42; The Disaster Boi: 10, 12, 14, 18, 20, 22, 28, 29, 31, 33 and bc we all need more sexuality headcanons, 13 for ALL of them

Whooo-WEE here we go, thank you!  Get ready for VERY VERY LONG Rambling!

SATINE

(5) Cleanliness habits: Oh, she’s a total neat freak.  Everything in her office is minimalist style and organized to a T.  If someone moved something even an inch, she’ll be hounding everyone about who was messing with her stuff.  Constantly washing hands, very clean, doesn’t like dust on stuff at all (has a bit of a dust allergy, actually.  Lily pollen getting everywhere is a Problem for her).  She’s practical, however, and if she HAS to get down and dirty, she will-- of course not without a suitable amount of icky faces made plus a side of complaints xD

(6) Eating habits and sample daily menu: Ok so we’ve got canon showing her eating meat, but don’t tell me Super Pacifism Lady wouldn’t IRL be that one ubervegan friend of yours on Facebook who’s constantly posting weird things about it and you gotta be like “aight Katie chill”.  ANYWAY, so I’d say Satine in canon eats healthy-ish?  She’s not the biggest fan of breakfast foods and is always up in the morning doing stuff, so she sometimes forgets to have anything besides black coffee.  She’s not a particularly picky eater so she’ll eat whatever the cook is serving that day, but she prefers simpler meals, and can cook for herself (which came in handy during the Year On The Run because neither Obi Wan nor Qui Gon can cook for shit (my canon is no one in that line besides Anakin can cook and I’ll die with it) and eventually Satine was like “guys, I’m sorry, but no, u can’t try and protect me and then poison me at dinnertime.  I’ll cook”).  She does like to pair her evening meals with whatever drink she’s having that night.  I also h/c her as a functioning alcoholic, so she’s always got SOMETHING to drink, but she is trying to work on restraint and control because when she was younger it got... Not Good at one point.  She also has a sweet tooth though, and she really likes chocolate!

(7) Fave way to waste time and feelings surrounding wasting time: Satine is a... twitchy.... individual with a stressful job, so she is kinda conditioned into stressing the heck out if she’s got too much free time.  Therefore, a lot of her free time is spent trying to relax.  Cleaning is theraputic for her, so she does clean (yes, there is a cleaning droid but it is nOT GOOD ENOUGH) when she can.  She likes that Mando sword box game we saw Sabine and Fenn Rau playing in Rebels, it clears her head and lets her practice problem solving.  She likes going for walks too.  She’ll sneak down to the kitchens and just make a bunch of sandwiches.  She does enjoy beautiful things, so I’d say shopping for dresses or browsing art galleries is good too.  I also think she’d be the type to read and write poetry, then save bits she likes.

(8) Indulgences: Look, Satine likes Nice Things, ok?  She does consider fancy wardrobe and buying nice paintings a bit of an indulgence, but she adores color so she excuses that as promoting happiness for the people. As so she does a fancy ship and other fancy trinkets around the house. She’s not a huge fan of most people touching her, but she allowed a massage once... she would be amendable to perhaps another in the future.........  Scented candles are nice too, clears the head.  She refuses to consider chocolate an indulgence because it is obviously the gods’ gift to humanity, excuse you.  Are we calling lusting over her secret forbidden boyfriend an indulgence????

(28) Who is their best friend?  Their worst enemy?  The sad thing about Satine Kryze is that canon wise, she is extremely lonely.  Literally everyone she trusts betrays her at some point-- which also makes worst enemy pretty hard too.  In my verse, this has led to her kind of shutting away from friends because people always leave her-- though I’d say she’s always been close with Padmé; she sent aid to Naboo after the Federation Blockade and got to know and became extremely impressed with the young Queen, and they kept in touch afterwards.  Whether they could be together or not, I’d always say Obi Wan was her best friend too because that’s ALWAYS necessary in a relationship, and they clearly stayed in contact and knew each other like the back of their hands.  I’d honestly say her worst enemy is herself, cliché as it is, because girlie makes a LOT of mistakes-- and then never learns from them or even acknowledges they exist besides an “oh whoops, that happened, we fixed it, everyone as you were”.  I get it wasn’t meant that way, but she legit committed ethnic cleansing against her political opponents.  I hate to say it, but there are very valid reasons for a lot of people to Not Like Her (none of the guys who attack her on the show count because they’re literally all douchecanoes fuck them), and she kind of shoots herself in the foot trying to fix the problem but making it worse.  I h/c her as having a lot of self-loathing problems because she is trying to fix things but nothing ever works and that must be her problem so she must try harder without ever confronting what exactly her problem is.

(31) Most prized possession: Woah, never really thought of that.  As much as I want to say “pressed flower from Obi Wan”, that’s a little too sappy.  I’m going to go with this.  There is a famous Mandalore version of The Art of War, and Satine has an uber-extremely-rare first edition copy given to her from her father, who was a master strategist and had the wealth and power to collect nice things like that.  Satine may be a pacifist, but she has her family’s warrior’s spirit, and she enjoys adapting the book’s battle strategies to her own political fights and how she shapes her own life.  It’s an actual old paper book, so she keeps it in a locked box under her bed and only ever reads it by candlelight with special gloves on to protect the pages.

(42) Hobbies: Like I said before, cleaning, writing poetry, the occasional cooking.  Oh!  Whenever she has Korkie over, she lets them pick the activity they do.  This may or may not lead to Duchess Satine Kryze of Mandalore getting very invested in Space Mario Kart.  She’s good at it too!  So yes, gamer girl, and she also likes looking at art and she’s also also pretty good at dancing and yoga, which she does a bit of both for exercise.  She also enjoys watching shows at the theater, but she’s weird in the way where she refuses to watch TV or movies because they’re “not as good”.

(47) If they were to fall in love, who or what is their ideal:  I’d say trust is the most important thing for her, given how many things go wrong in her life.  Someone she can trust to be herself around instead of The Duchess and can both support her when she’s falling but also call her on her bullshit (or try to, anyway) when needed.  Again, she likes nice things, so she tends to fall for super attractive people lol.  Another thing is, she likes to feel safe.  She goes for the protectors, those who fight for everyone and can come back and hold her tight in a hug if she feels like she’ll fall apart because she sometimes needs someone to protect her too.  They also have to be as smart as she is (only smarter if they’re not a dick about it) so she can have intellectual conversations (indignant yelling matches), and she needs someone who can match the firecracker she can tend to be, someone who can jump right in after her.  Not a weakling, basically xD

(48) How do they express love: She just says it (”I love you”), if they’ll let her.  If they don’t let her or she can’t for some reason (*coughOBIcoughcough*), she becomes frustrated because she isn’t always the best, emotion-wise, and she worries she’ll make the wrong gesture or do something to mess up, so frustration can build towards the other person so she can also be very snappy at them.  In general though, familial or romantic or platonic, it’s just lots of soft smiles that no one else sees, letting them see her in casual clothing, teasing them or telling jokes, trusting them enough to tell them about the confusion and stress inside her head.

OBI WAN

(7) Fave way to waste time and feelings surrounding wasting time:  Obi Wan is of the opinion that time enjoyed is never wasted, so he only views wasted time as exactly that: time that could be spent doing something but is instead being wasted not doing anything or doing something he doesn’t like.  His favorite things to do when he has time to himself are read (he’s not picky, he’ll read most things with an interesting plot, though he does enjoy a good mystery or historical nonfiction), watch trashy tv shows (he’s only watching them to judge how bad they are, it’s Anakin’s fault, really, he watched them first, and Obi Wan just needs to know what happens next--), sketch random objects (he’s a pretty good artist, and it’s relaxing), do research on stuff because he is a NERD, go bug Anakin and/or Ahsoka because he honestly delights just sitting in their company and hear them talk about their day, drink with friends, spar (with Anakin, preferably, he’s the most of a challenge because he knows him so well, and he’s the only one who doesn’t hold back at all), sit in the Temple gardens and check on Qui Gon’s favorite flowers he planted there and bask in the serenity of it all.

(8) Indulgences: Ooooohhhh this is hard because Obi Wan is so Obi Wan about that sort of stuff, it can be difficult to read what he would do xD  I’ll say he indulges in food?  That while Jedi probs have a pretty strict health food diet, on the weekends or once a weekday he indulges in getting nice stuff for breakfast, ice cream for dessert, fried food at Dex’s because why not, it tastes good and Anakin did a good job today or he did a good job today and that deserves something, so oh well, he’ll just work out harder tomorrow.  He’s also has some very nice old teas he saved from Qui Gon The Absolute Tea Snob he’ll have when he feels he needs it, and he’s got a cabinet with like four bottles of different really good, expensive alcohols that he’ll drink when he REALLY feels he needs it.  I’ll also say this, boi is vain about his hair.  Will never admit it in a million years, but he is, so he’s probs got at least some sort of haircare products that aren’t exactly necessary, ya know xD.  He also does like his creature comforts when available, so I’d say he’s got a couple super fluffy blankets and maybe the thread count in his sheets are a bit higher than average cuz hey, soft things are nice.  He also indulges in being lovey and mushy to the people he cares about 

(12) Favorite book genre: Hey, I kinda talked about that!  So yeah, I’d say he’ll probs try anything, but he likes mysteries and thrillers since with a book the Force can’t give you any Bad Feelings about anyone, so the surprises are genuine surprises.  He also likes historical nonfiction because he is a NERD, but he’ll absolutely pick up whatever’s at the top of the Galactic Times Bestseller’s List if it’s there and give it a chance

(14) Physical abnormalities (including injuries/disabilities, illnesses, allergies): His right hip acts up in the cold from an old slug wound there (Anakin does indeed tease him about being an old man), over half of his teeth are fake or replaced because come on, have y’all seen how often he’s been hit in the face?  Scars literally everywhere because everyone and everything has tried to murder him at some point or another.  I h/c him with ADD, depression, anxiety, and dyscalcula (he had to really work to be good with numbers) as well as PTSD because basically all of the Jedi do at some point (someone HELP THEM).  He also has TMJ, which I also have and I project my issues.  It gets worse when you’re stressed and grind teeth, so it’s valid.  Idk whether it’s canon or fanon that he has some food allergies, but I am ALL FOR IT with him just... forgetting about them???  And then eating some food and be like “hwoops I’m dying lol” while Anakin is like seriously Master again? and legit ends up the Mom friend with a list of foods like “is there gonna be this food in it?  Cuz he can’t eat it” and then he’ll eat it anyway cuz it looks good and Anakin is all “what do you have in your MOUTH” and he’ll be like “uh” and yeah, that sounds funny

(27) Biggest regret: WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS.  ok so we all know how literally everything about Obi Wan’s life is a mcfreaking nightmare.  We ALSO know he blames himself for literally everything.  So yea, he’s got a looooot of regrets.  I’d say his biggest though is not being a good enough Jedi (in his opinion) to save those he cared about (Qui, Satine, Anakin, Pads, the entire dang Jedi Order, etc.).  Maybe just not a good enough person, in his eyes.  If he hadn’t screwed up somehow, everyone would still be here and fine and omg someone help him

(31) Most prized possession: Luke Skywalker.  Ok, not actually, but y’all can’t deny Luke was Obi Wan’s greatest treasure.  I’d say actually tho it’s holos, of people he loves and cares about, in a kind of album he keeps to himself.  He hates having his own picture taken, but he loves seeing the smiling, laughing faces of everyone he knows (and is reminded of them when they’re no longer here).

(33) Concept of home and family: He always feels like other people overcomplicate this.  Home is where you feel safe to always return, where you belong, and family is those you love and wish to spend your life with.  Now, the fact that he only really allows himself to acknowledge the Jedi as a whole as his family and doesn’t exactly allow himself to dwell on specifics like what Anakin means exactly to him, what Ahsoka means, what Qui Gon meant, because he does love everyone as a family, why does he have to define it?  That’s a whole ‘nother basket of his issues lol

(47) If they were to fall in love, who or what is their ideal:  Obi Wan Kenobi has always been attracted to chaos and danger like a moth to a flame, so anyone he loves is gonna be a whirlwind of an individual.  He likes someone who can challenge him, who can test him.  He likes someone who’s loud and bright, the stars at the center of solar systems that everyone else can’t resist orbiting around and Obi Wan is no different.  He likes snappy humor and the amusement he can get from playfully bugging them into hissing at him.  They have to match him as a team, they have to be able to work with him (and he knows he’s not always the easiest to work with) and have his back.  He likes passion, he likes dramatics, he likes the kind of strange ones that other people find a bit hard to get along with, but he couldn’t love them any different from themselves.

(48) How do they express love:

PADMÉ

(4) What would they do if they needed to make dinner but the kitchen was busy:  Assuming the people in the kitchen were not making food, Padmé would fix them with a firm Senatorial Scolding Face and ask them politely if they could move it somewhere else.  She can easily outargue any protests;  the kitchen is for cooking and she needs to make dinner!  If ppl were making food in the kitchen, Pads would roll up her sleeves and ask what she could do to help so it would be done faster and she could get started.  She grew up with her mother insisting her and Sola help out with all the household chores, kitchen duty included, so she’s a fine cook.  Anakin learned to cook from his mother too, so sometimes their husband/wife bonding time will include just making dinner together and enjoying each others’ company.  In an OT4 situation with Obes and Satine, Obi Wan is the only one out of the four of them who Cannot Cook and is legit banished from the kitchen except for making drinks/certain desserts, so it ends up with Anakin, Padmé, and Satine all talking and laughing while preparing food while Obi Wan pouts sits in the doorway and talks from there

(6) Eating habits and sample daily menu:  Ok, so you know how I said Satine can sometimes get distracted by work and skip breakfast?  Well Padmé is like that but worse.  She gets so busy with duties, she just forgets to eat for very long periods of time, and then she’ll be doing something and be like “woah, I’m hungry, I don’t think I’ve eaten today,” and Sabé/Anakin/Bail/whoever she’s with will just be like padmé nO.  When she does eat, however, she is one of those crazy people who Does Not Like Sweets.  Like, at all, they just don’t agree with her.  Anakin is scandalized.  Satine is scandalized.  Everyone is.  She just doesn’t like them.  She’ll eat fruit, but that’s as sweet as it gets.  So when she does remember to eat, or if she’s going out for a dinner, it’s usually something pretty healthy-- though Pads will confess to a weakness for nice cheeses.  There’s also this one really greasy bad fried chip thing that she’s got a secret weakness for.  Padmé’s also not a huge alcohol person; like, she’ll drink when others do, she’s not a lightweight or anything, but she won’t seek it out herself, just, something about the taste, and she doesn’t like not being in control of her head.

(7) Fave way to waste time and feelings surrounding wasting time: Honey, Padmé is from Naboo.  The luxury planet.  They know how to lazily waste time in style.  She loves long baths and listening to classical music, walking in nature (she loves flowers), practicing new hair styles, facials and manicures.  She also reads the gossip columns (no she doesn’t, you never heard that) because she needs the tea.  She just do.  She likes to read and study new languages (because she is Queen Overachiever) or just add to her bucket list of Ways To Improve The Galaxy.  Padmé totally has a Space Pinterest.  In reality, she trained herself from a young age how to relax so being a teenager in planetary politics didn’t literally kill her.  

(12) Favorite book genre: ROMANCE!  It’s canon that Pads is just such an ushy, gushy romantic of a person, so she likes stuff like Space Jane Austen and all the other romantic books.  She refuses to associate with Anakin’s trashy dollar romances, she thinks they’re bad writing.  He does not agree.  He also called one of her faves boring once.  They do not discuss books.  But also Padmé likes political history and civilization books cuz politician, and she’s pretty into the mysteries like Obi Wan is.  She likes religious texts too, learning about different ones, she finds it interesting.  Reading can be hard for her because I h/c her as dyslexic, but she loves it too much.

(18) Favorite beverage: Spiced cider.  She could get it homemade back on Naboo; cool and refreshing when iced but warm and tangy and perfect when heated.

(19) What do they think about before falling asleep at night: If Anakin’s not with her, she always thinks about him not being there.  She can’t help it.  If he is with her, she thinks about how much she loves him.  She also tends to do a mental to do list every night of what she needed to do before bed and if she’s gonna allow herself to sleep now or not.  She also has another mental to do list so she knows what she’s gonna do when she wakes up in the morning.  With the damned war dragging on, more and more nights are spent going to bed troubled and worried for the future. She also daydreams, though, of what she can do after.  Her happily ever after.

(28) Who is their best friend?  Their worst enemy?:  This is hard because Pads is so friendly with everyone!!!  Queen’s Shadow really made me fall in love with Padmé and Sabé, but I’ll always be a sucker for the canon and fanon where Padmé’s best friend is Bail Organa.  I’m sorry, but Bail is just a cinnamon roll of a human being, and he’s such a calm, levelheaded friend for Pads where she can be a bit overeager and chomping at the bit sometimes, but he’s also ALWAYS got her back and she can talk to him about stuff and ahhhhh and he literally raises her daughter as his own and gahhhhhh.  Is it messed up if I almost want to say Padmé’s worst enemy is Anakin?  I mean to be more general: her worst enemy is the Sith, as they destroyed the Republic and her entire life’s work and corrupted her husband and depending on if you believe the “draining life forces” theory (which I do) they killed her.  But Anakin was the one who got past her defences, took her by surprise, and unknowingly ended up playing the most active role in her destruction, which is immensely tragic for both of them because all he ever wanted to do was love her (*crying*).

(33) Concept of home and family:  For Padmé, home isn’t so much a place, but an idea of where you can feel closest and most at one with those you’ve decided to share your life with.  Yeah, she’ll always love Naboo, but you saw how choked up she got in that TCW episode where Anakin called her Coruscant apartment “home”; for her, home is a state of mind.  Family is a bit different; she’ll always have a bit of an idealization towards her own parents’ marriage and how she’s seen Sola’s, and how families developed from that.  Canon shows she’s envious because she can’t have that, the 2.5 kids and a dog with a white picket fence outside and a large backyard mentality.  She has issues over being separated from family; she had to drop the Naberrie name to go into politics, so I’m guessing there’s some distance felt there, and she can’t even publicly acknowledge her own husband as her husband, so she’ll cling to the idea of a “perfect” family as a someday, as a maybe, and working towards that someday and the long goal she can forget just how complicated and messy her real family-- her parents and sister, her husband, her husband’s new adoptive sister, her husband’s boyfriend, his weird side of the family --is.  It’s even more pronounced when everything is falling apart in Revenge of the Sith and it’s obviously falling apart and Anakin is obviously Not Fine, she tries to retreat and take her comfort in “oh but when the baby comes and we can be a Family, things will all work out perfect!  It’ll be okay!!!”

(34) Thoughts on privacy (are they a private person, or are they prone to TMI):  Padmé is an extremely private person.  She’s been in the public spotlight since she was thirteen years old.  Everyone’s always staring at her, what she’s wearing, what her opinions are, how she acts, who she’s with.  Padmé has nearly nothing she doesn’t have to share with the public eye, so what she does have to herself she tends to hoard and not show anyone except for those she implicitly trusts.  Now, whether she’s any good at keeping secrets is a whole other story, but she certainly tries!!! xD

(39) What recharges them when they’re feeling drained: Anakin can make things better or worse for her depending on the mood he’s in and the mood she’s in, but he usually makes her feel better just by showing up and being a dork.  She likes her greasy chip snacks and a good book, but she’s a sucker for a good spa day complete with fluffy, comfortable clothing.  Also, Padmé loves cat naps, and is the queen of setting an alarm and taking short power naps that actually have her waking up refreshed.

(42) Hobbies:  Is creating new outfit designs via Space Pinterest a hobby?  Because Padmé does that.  Padmé is also the type of person to have a Space Candy Crush problem, and I completely believe that Satine got her into Space Mario Kart (Satine’s actually pretty good at it and Pads isn’t good at it at all, so it’s in no way fair, but they have fun xD).  Padmé loves creating flower arrangements too, just creating beautiful things makes her happy.  She loves calling one of her handmaidens over and having martial arts practices because she needs to stay ready to defend herself, but also it’s just fun and she’s a good fighter.  Padmé’s also into scrapbooking, she makes a bunch of adorable books she puts together, and she gave one to Anakin on their first anniversary and he cried (she hides them, don’t worry).  

AHHHNAKIN...

(10) Neuroses:  Hooo boy, there’s a lot!  Okay, so Anakin is a very handsy person.  When he’s nervous or uncomfortable or stressed, he’ll always need something to do with his hands, whether that be fiddling with his clothes, tugging at his hair, messing with the digits on his mechanohand, poking at the wall patterns or other objects.  In general, he hates sitting still and has a tendency to fidget if he has to for too long.  He will also either stare you directly in the eye or dislike making eye contact at all, depending on his mood.  Fiddling with machine parts gives him something to focus his mind and his hands on, so that’s a real big help for him if they’re available, often times he just keeps scraps in his pockets for specifically this purpose.  He’s sort of aware he does this, but he doesn’t like to think about it much because that would mean thinking why, and if you try and point any of them out to him he’ll get embarrassed and probs just snap at you.

(12) Favorite book genre:  Anakin really isn’t much of a book person.  It has to do with his focus issues (I h/c him as ADHD), they just aren’t really able to draw him in enough to keep his attention.  It frustrates him because that’s another reason why ppl imply he isn’t smart, which is dumb, he can read just fine, he just doesn’t like to.  He does like the trashy penny romances I mentioned before.  What can he say?  He’s a sucker for the drama and swooning and Epic Proclamations of Love.  He’ll read books about the latest ships and speeder models too, because he’s interested in that.  He’ll also read tactical strategy books too, because of the war and all.  It’s just not his go-to form of entertainment.

(14) Physical abnormalities (including injuries/disabilities, illnesses, allergies):  Metal hand.  Eye scar.  At one point is one big giant asthmatic burn scar who’s like 80% robot.  But we’ll focus on Anakin as of now.  When he was a child, some brute in the market cracked him hard across the back with something heavy.  It damaged his spine, and Shmi was terrified for a while he’d never walk.  Thankfully, he recovered, but now his spine is funny as in it is super flexible.  Like backbends where it looks like he’s snapped in half, that flexible.  It gives him fantastic advantages in acrobatics and combat, but it also means he can do that creepy walk the girl from The Ring can do.  He has managed to successfully scare the living piss out of Obi Wan, Padmé, Ahsoka, Rex, and multiple others on different occasions by emerging from the shadows in the middle of the night doing the Ring walk.  No one was pleased.  Yoda thinks it’s hilarious though.  Anakin gets hit in the face just as much Obi Wan does, so he also only has like less than half of his real teeth still in his mouth.  Is also covered in various scars from people trying to kill him dead.  In total, I project many mental illnesses onto him, so I say he has anxiety, ADHD, BPD, and PTSD.  His super strongness in the Force means he is a complete lightweight, so alcohol is an uh oh for him; the only positive is that he never gets hangovers.  It also means that Force sensitive objects may suddenly go flying at his head when he’s just trying to casually stroll through a creepy old temple.  I also h/c that Anakin is allergic to tookas/lothcats.  No other animals, just them.  And it’s hilarious when on one occasion some kittens made their way into a briefing room and he just bursts into a sneezing fit, which, why are you all laughing at me? and then Rex points out the little kitten just perched on the top of his head.  Poor baby actually does chafe pretty badly from sand too, so his hatred isn’t completely unwarranted.

(18) Favorite beverage: Coffee with a gazillion lumps of sugar in it, protein powder because he’s all about the grind, a hint of space chili pepper, and like a dozen other ingredients that should Not Go In Coffee (one of the ingredients Is Bugs).  Obi Wan claims he tasted the concoction once and had hallucinations.  Ahsoka says she saw a drop melt the edge of the tabletop.  Padmé won’t go anywhere near it.  Anakin says they’re all cowards; it’s the only thing that can get him up and focused in the morning.

(20) Childhood illnesses?  Any interesting stories behind them?: I h/c that amongst the slaves, Shmi was the local medicine woman.  Therefore, Anakin as a child was constantly getting first exposure to all the local sicknesses and building up immunity, so besides one bout of food poisoning, he never got sick as a kid.  Once he got to the Temple... well, he was past the age where all the other kids had gotten vaccinations, Obi Wan, bless him, hates dealing with medical and was distracted by everything else and kind of forgot to make sure Anakin was up to date with everything, so he caught EVERYTHING.  EVERY LITTLE THING WOULD MAKE HIM SICK.  HE HATED IT.  OBI WAN HATED IT BECAUSE THE ONLY SICK PATIENT WORSE THAN ANAKIN IS HIMSELF.  IT NEVER ENDS.  ANAKIN IS TWENTY TWO YEARS OLD AND STILL CATCHING SHIT LIKE THE SPACE CHICKEN POX.  THIS ISN’T FAIR.

(22) Given a blank piece of paper, a pencil, and nothing to do, what would happen?: Lots of writings of stuff like “Padmé Skywalker” or “Anakin Kenobi” cuz Ani is at heart a 12 year old girl.  Ok ok ok, but actually, there would be lots of different stuff on the page.  Mathematical calculations for ships and designs because he is a canon engineering nerd and I h/c he’s a whiz at math.  Also little doodles.  Anakin’s not a bad artist himself; his style is much more cartoonish than Obi Wan’s, but it means he can do cool little actions scenes of different ships or pods, him being a badass, Yoda getting attacked by space seagulls, etc.  Maybe designs for another japoor carving (I h/c he keeps the hobby).  Or, the page might be folded up as Anakin turned it into either a boat or a hat or an airplane that actually flies, or just a ball of paper he set on fire because he was bored.

(28) Who is their best friend?  Their worst enemy?:  OBI WAN KENOBI FOR BOTH OF THEM DAMMIT ANAKIN WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS.  Alright, alright, in reality, his worst enemy is probably more of a combination of himself and his own fears, Sidious for being an evil, manipulative asshole, and society for creating his fears and traumatizing him (though mostly it’s himself because he absolutely had the choice to do the right thing, but he didn’t).  Obi Wan is absolutely his best friend though.  No competition.

(29) Reaction to extrapersonal disaster (eg Oh no, the house is on fire!  What do we do?): For Anakin “I burned down the Republic because you left for an afternoon and I panicked” Skywalker?  “Ok, no problem, I got this.  I’ve got this.  No, wait, I don’t got this.  I defiNITELY DO NOT GOT THIS, I MADE IT WORSE, HOLY SHIT, NO ONE PANIC, I NEED AN ADULT-- (Ahsoka: You are an adult) --I NEED AN ADULTIER ADULT.”

(31) Most prized possession: His loved ones ¯\_(ツ)_/¯  And we’ve got at least six movies and a tv show telling us exactly how that did Not Go Well For Anyone

(33) Concept of home and family: Hmmm.  I’d say where he feels safe and comfortable.  Again, it’s stated in the show he feels at home at Padmé’s, but honestly?  He refuses to acknowledge Tatooine cuz ya know, the slavery, so he never really had a strong childhood home, and while I want to say he considered the Temple home at one point, , I’m not sure he does because I feel he’s always on red alert for things to get worse so he never really lets himself get comfortable anywhere-- not even Padmé’s.  Family is a bit easier for him; a group of people who love each other-- and for Anakin, it doesn’t have to be blood relations but if you ARE related by blood, you’re a family member by default and he will be Very Offended by blood relations who cut away from their families because he feels if you’re connected like that, you should love each other.

[ryder-s-block]

Jaig Eyes (Ch 12)

Jaig Eyes (12/?)

Always avaliable here.

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Chapter Twelve: The Scholar

I hadn’t been back to Nal Hutta for years. The planet always reminded me of Jango and Boba…

I shifted uncomfortably in the uncomfortable booth of the saloon I’d chosen as my meeting point. It wasn’t easy finding someone with an incredible amount of knowledge who also knew how to be discreet. The smarter ones usually liked to show off and spew what they knew, rather than stay quiet about it.

It had taken me a few months to find him, considering he was a bit of a recluse. When I’d heard about the human male, I’d been skeptical, considering his relatively young age. Still, my contacts claimed he specialized in histories of the jedi and sith. I hoped it went beyond the general term for those who followed the dark side of the force.

I’d tried to do some research myself, but considering there were eyes everywhere, especially with the Republic knowing my lineage, I could only do so much without raising suspicion. As far as they knew, I was still oblivious to my Sith background. I liked to keep it that way.

Some eyes cast my way in the saloon, but a hard glare from me sent there gazes turning away again. I was armed, like most of the beings in the bar, but unlike them, I had a reputation. The Oracle. Clean work, every time. Of course, some took to calling me Kida the Killer, too. I didn’t really care.

My reputation had taken a bit of a beating after I took the job working for Senator Amidala. My heart twinged a little bit as I thought about it, but a quick swig of whatever liquor the bartender had given me chased that away. It had been a few months since I ended my employment with Padme, so I’d taken more jobs to try and build my reputation back. Still, some people thought I was picking sides in the war, rather than taking a job.

They were wrong, of course. Or at least, I think they were. I didn’t really know which side of the war I agreed with. But I knew I agreed with Padme when she asked for peace. What good was a war, anyways?

I pinched the bridge of my nose as I took another drink. I kept tabs on them...on the down-low. Padme was busy working on something about a Privacy Invasion Bill, while the 501st, the last I’d heard, was on Ryloth. I’d been to Ryloth a few times, prior to the war finding its way to the planet. It was a happy place, filled to the brim with culture. The Twi’leks were kind people, though they’d had their own share of bloodshed.

Still, it saddened me that even they couldn’t avoid the war.

“Oracle, right?”

I looked up at the male voice, hoping to see the scholar I was meant to meet. Disappointedly, I was met with an armored bounty hunter with a tan wrap around his head. I rolled my eyes, leaning back and spreading out to feign an air of confidence.

“You know my name, Dengar,” I said, lifting my cup to my lips again.

“You were the one who was protecting Senator Amidala,” he continued, sitting across from me. I peered at him over the edge of my cup, my eyes dark. So he was keeping up this game of taunting...very well, then.

“I didn’t invite you to sit,” I growled.

“Did you know that Bane took a job on Coruscant?”

I didn’t. But I didn’t want anyone to think I cared, either. “Did you know I could shoot you dead, right now, and no one would actually care?”

Dengar laughed, leaning forward on the table to look at me. “You wouldn’t though. We all know you’re too soft.” I debated about rising to the challenge, but chose to act uncaring instead. I lifted my eyebrow at him as I took another drink. “No one knows what job he took, but I bet he’s going after the Senator.” I doubted that.

“How fascinating.”

“Yeah...if only you were there to protect her,” he prodded, trying to get a rise out of me.

I kept my face placid. It was unlikely Bane was going after her...though I also wouldn’t put it past him. “I’m no longer employed by the Senator of Naboo,” I voiced calmly, taking another drink. “So she’s no longer my concern.”

Dengar smirked. “You know Bane, don’t you?” I glowered at the bounty hunter. Of course I did. “He’s probably trying to get back at you.” He lifted his eyebrows, glancing at the kyr’bes symbol painted on my shoulder plate. “Considering your affiliation with Fett.”

He was right. I kept my emotions in check, even though I felt a sense of dread. Though, there were thousands of jobs on Coruscant. Millions. What was the likelihood that he was after Padme?  “And you’re telling me this...why?”

“Don’t you want to do something?”

I lifted my eyebrow at him. “I’m getting a strong urge to punch you in the face.”

“Come on,” Dengar tried, giving me his attempt of a charming smile. He reached across the table and plucked my cup from my hands, moving to take a drink. I scowled and stood abruptly, my fingers trapping his wrist in a vice grip as I pulled him down to the table. Standing above him, my pistol drawn and pressed to the back of his head, he wiggled awkwardly, his face on the table.

“I told you not to mess with her, Dengar,” a female voice sounded, my eyes flicking up to see a Zabrak with purple hair and brown eyes.

“Sugi,” I greeted, not releasing Dengar.

She sighed, crossing her arms and watching us as the man struggled beneath me to no avail. “Are you going to shoot him?”

“I might.”

“I was just--”

“Shut up,” Sugi and I both said, silencing him.

“As much as I hate to say it, he’s paying me to drop him off somewhere for a job,” Sugi sighed. “Unless you want to kill him and take his place, as per the code.”

“What code are you following?” I asked with a scoff. “The code says not to kill another hunter.”

Sugi shrugged, giving me a smile. “Then fuck the code.”

I lifted my eyebrows before finally laughing, shoving Dengar off my table. “Buy me a new drink,” I told him, since I spilled mine from his hand when I grabbed him. He seemed pissed off, but made his way towards the bar nonetheless. “Since when do you team up with someone like Dengar?” I asked, giving Sugi a lifted brow.

She rolled her eyes, standing with her hands on her hips as I returned to sitting. “I’m not. He’s just paying me.”

“What kind of hunter doesn’t have his own ship?” I smiled at the Zabrak. She was one of the few bounty hunters I actually enjoyed the company of. While she claimed to disregard the code, she actually had a strict set of rules based on her own honor. She never betrayed a client and certainly never went back on a deal. She was also rather charming and enjoyed the company of Embo, much like I did.

“Embo sends his regards, by the way,” she said gently, giving me a small smile. “Though he was sad to miss his bounty. He says you owe him.”

“I saved his life,” I argued playfully. “But next time I see him, I’ll buy him a drink.”

Sugi chuckled. “He’ll like that. What brings you to Nal Hutta? A job?”

“A contact,” I replied allusively. She took the hint. That was another reason I liked her. She didn’t pry...too much. “Yourself?”

“A job.”

“Where?”

“Felucia. Protecting some farmers from Hondo’s prying fingers.”

I rolled my eyes. I knew Hondo, as most hunters did. Backstabbing and selfish. Though he threw a good party. “Do you have a good team? He won’t be easy to fend off.”

Sugi smiled at me. “I’m picking up Embo on my way. I also have Rumi Paramita and Seripas.”

“Seripas,” I grinned thoughtfully. “I haven’t seen him in some time.” He was a good hunter--practically the personification of ‘tiny people do big things.’

She hummed, changing the topic. “Will I be seeing you on Tatooine any time soon? I know a lot of us miss seeing you in the cantinas of Mos Eisley and Jabba’s Palace.”

“Soon, I’m sure. Jabba’s bound to have something for me to do.” I glanced around, knowing that my contact was likely not going to walk over if I was surrounded by bounty hunters. Sugi understood my look.

“Good luck with your contact,” she said gently as Dengar brought over another drink. She took it from him and set it on my table. “I’ll see you around, Kida.”

I gave her a silent nod, casting Dengar a glare as they walked away. Trying to get myself to relax, I leaned back in the chair and sipped my drink, forcing out an air of ‘uncaring.’

“Oracle?” This voice was slightly accented, belonging to a thin man whose back was slightly curled, likely from peering over books every day.

“Who’s asking?” I replied, peering at him. I could feel his mind racing. He was intelligent. My scholar.

“My name is Veris Hydan. You requested my knowledge...and my discretion.”

I smiled slowly. “This way, please.” I stood, leaving my drink behind as I led him through the back of the saloon and into the private section I’d secured for the meeting.

“What is it you would like to know?” he asked gently as he entered the room, fidgeting his fingers.

“You seem nervous, Mister Hydan. Do bounty hunters frighten you?”

“Criminals frighten me.”

“I assure you that I’m not a criminal,” I said gently, but he gave me a look.

“Yes you are. You stole a jedi starfighter.”

“I returned it,” I joked, before crossing my arms casually. “But you did your research.”

He seemed flattered, if only slightly. “It’s my job.”

I hummed, gesturing for him to sit across from me. “I understand that you specialize in the studies of jedi and sith.”

“I do,” he replied hesitantly. “But I don’t believe I can assist you if you’re targeting a jedi. I can’t be a part of that. I’m partially funded by the Republic.”

I smiled, trying to ease his mind. “I’m not, I assure you. My questions lie within the sith side of your knowledge.”

“You’ll be pleased to know that they no longer exist.” His tone was curt. Final. Apparently he didn’t like the topic very much.

“We all know that isn’t true,” I replied. “Considering the debacle on Naboo all those years ago, as well as the involvement of Dooku in the Clone Wars.”

“Some believe Dooku is a good man.”

“Perhaps he is, but his powers still lie within the dark side, as you well know.”

Hydan resigned himself to that knowledge, nodding slowly. “What would you like to know? Are you trying to hunt what you call a sith?”

“No. What do you know of the species?”

“The species?” He seemed surprised, leaning forward slowly. “They’re all but gone.”

“Gone?”

“Well yes. They were an ancient race, originating on Korriban. But they’ve been hybridized with human DNA for centuries, to the point where some don’t even hold the original Sith distinctions.”

“Which were?” I pressed.

“Red skin, for one,” he commented, thinking. “They also had red or yellow eyes and distinct facial appendages like bone spurs or facial beard tentacles.”

Well I didn’t have any of those. High cheekbones, maybe...but no bone spurs and certainly not red eyes or skin. “How did they breed with humans?”

Hydan thought for a moment. “After the Second Great Schism, where Dark Jedi rose to fight the Jedi order, the remaining Dark Jedi were banished to unknown space, where they eventually found Korriban. These Dark Jedi took over the Sith people and ruled them, thriving off of the natural dark side connection the natives had.”

“Were they bad people?” I asked. Hydan seemed curious about my interest in the matter, but continued answering my questions for now.

“No, no I don’t think so. They were rather primitive, though, while they existed purely. They were connected to the dark side, but rather sophisticated and advanced in thinking as well. Though they were often violent, warring and sacrificing to their gods. But they were powerful sorcerers.”

“Sorcerers?” I asked. “You mean force-wielders?”

“Perhaps,” he shrugged. “Some believe so. But they were believed to be capable of making a star go supernova. Do you know of a force-wielder being able to do that?” I shook my head, glancing at my hands. “What is your interest in this, girl?”

“I’m paying you to answer questions, not ask them.”

“Perhaps,” he responded speculatively. “But I could better answer your questions if I knew their purpose.”

I wasn’t going to comply so easily. “Please continue. What happened with the Dark Jedi?”

Hydan sighed, but continued. “The Dark Jedi, after years of ruling over the Sith, found ways to merge their DNA using the force and alchemic abilities of the natives. Over time, the profound distinctions of the Sith people began to fade. However, many half breeds still showed some of the physical distinctions, though those that had more Dark Jedi blood could look nearly human.”

I nodded, but didn’t speak, prodding for the scholar to keep talking.

“This new hybrid became known as Sith Purebloods, though to qualify as one, a person would have to show enough physical traits of a Sith to be identified visually. So, someone such as yourself wouldn’t be deemed a Pureblood, though you may have Sith bloodlines.”

“Someone like me?” I asked, feigning innocence.

“That is why you called me here, is it not?” he guessed, his mind churning. “You discovered you have Sith blood in your veins.”

I said nothing, but I suppose that was answer enough.

“Does the Republic know? The jedi?”

“No,” I lied smoothly. “Nor will they be finding out.” My voice was dark as I regarded the scholar.

“I must know,” he said, brushing my threat off easily as he leaned across the table. “Though you show no physical signs apart from high cheekbones and a strong physique, do you have the other signs?”

“Such as?”

“A connection to the Dark Side of the force?” I breathed slowly through my nose, regarding the scholar. “Perhaps this is why they call you Oracle? You can foresee events?”

“No,” I answered curtly. “A connection to the force, yes. But I don’t believe it is the dark side.”

“You don’t believe?”

I swallowed. “There is a balance in the force that is constantly tipping,” I said finally. “It shifts between light and dark. One can’t exist without the other. So I think people should stay in the middle.”

“Do you have training in the force?”

“No.”

The man hummed, likely cataloging my words for his notes later. “I wonder what class your relation stems from. Most likely slave.”

“Slave?” I hissed through my teeth.

Hydan blanched. “I apologize,” he struggled. “I didn’t mean to imply…”

I rubbed my forehead tiredly, wishing I hadn’t left my drink in the bar. “Why do you think my lineage was a slave?”

The man swallowed thickly. “It’s the most likely. There was a significant amount of hybridization within the slave caste. Besides, if you were a descendant of the Massassi--or warriors--you would have physical attributes, most likely. They were rather distinct, not to mention they were far from the most intelligent breed of Sith.” He stroked his chin. “Though, your lack of physical attributes could be due to a great deal of muddling through the years. If I could have a blood sample, I could--”

I held up my hand, tapping my wrist comm a few times until my blood sample from Vindi’s notes was displayed. “Will this do?”

“Wonderful,” he gasped, looking over the data with wide eyes. “You certainly have a lot of human DNA, but despite all the muddling, you seem to be a miracle of nature.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well your bloodline, despite all the human exchanges, managed to hit luck of heavy presence of Sith DNA every time. It’s almost unbelievable that you don’t have any physical traits, the Sith presence is so large.”

I breathed slowly, regarding him. “You said that you could tell my class?”

“Race, more likely,” he said dismissively as he read my test. My look of confusion caused him to stop for a moment to explain. “The Sith often determined caste by race. The Massassi, which I already mentioned, was one of them. There was also the Zuguruk, or the engineers, as well as--” He stopped, his eyes widening. “The priest class. Kassai.”

“What does that mean?”

“Well they were incredibly intelligent, but also ruthless. They were impeccable in their knowledge of the force,” he added, gazing at me. “Though their studies wouldn’t have passed down to you, perhaps their spectacular connection to the force and the mystic arts did.”

“Is there anything I should be concerned about?” I asked finally, sighing lowly.

The scholar shrugged, his interest likely shifting to the potential of studying me. Of course, that would never happen. “Perhaps an inclination to the dark side? And potential retribution from the jedi.”

“I’ve done nothing to deserve that.” Aside from the stolen jedi starfighter. But I wasn’t lying when I’d said I returned it. I did. About 3 weeks after I stole it.

“Perhaps not,” Hydan admitted. “But the dark army that once opposed the jedi in their great war consisted heavily of those with Sith bloodlines. They have reason to be suspicious, especially considering those that remain of the Sith civilization have all but disappeared.”

I hummed, nodding slowly. “How would one like me have occurred?”

He shrugged. “Time. Dark Jedi merging DNA with Sith...then that hybrid merging with another human. And so forth.” The scholar fell silent as he regarded me. “If you would allow me to run some tests, I could better-”

I deactivated my wrist comm, silencing the man as I stood. “Is there anything else I should be aware of?”

Hydan watched me with icy blue eyes. “None that I can tell you without tests.”

My fingers drew forth unmarked credits. “For your trouble.” I drew out another handful. “And for your silence.” He accepted the credits, watching me as I turned abruptly to exit.

“Be careful, Oracle,” he called after me. “There are many who, should they learn your lineage, would pay much to hunt you down. There is still much distrust towards anyone affiliated with the word ‘sith.’”

I looked over my shoulder at him. “Is that a threat?”

“A warning,” he assured. “I’m a scholar, not a fool. I know when one is not to be trifled with.”

Despite the grim subject, a small smile curved the corner of my lips. “Wise man.” I left the private room and strode straight out of the saloon. The scholar’s words had rattled me, despite the fact that knowing was a settling notion. I tried to tell myself that knowing my biology made me no different. As Jango always said, Gar taldin ni jaonyc; gar sa buir, ori’wadaas’la.

Still, my nerves were aflame with doubt and worry as I crossed the mossy grounds of Nal Hutta towards my ship. Despite my greatest effort, I felt like things had changed.

----------------------------------

MANDO’A

Gar taldin ni jaonyc; gar sa buir, ori’wadaas’la - nobody cares who your father was; only the father you’ll be (bloodline doesn’t matter; what you do in life matters)

[fialleril]

Replies to ‘Flowers for the Emperor’

So I’m hideously behind on my replies. (Seriously. So far behind that the folks I’m replying to probably don’t even remember what they said, lol.) But dang it, I’m getting them done! Eventually.

I’m gonna do a post for each fic I owe people replies to, so I don’t spam people.

Here’s the replies for the last DAV fic, Flowers for the Emperor.

@w3-4r3-th3-f1r3 said

AAAAAAAAAAAAAH OH MY GOD GUYS GUYS THE FLOWERS OH MY GOD

OHHHH MY GOD I LOVE THE IDEA OF THE WHOLE FLOWER LANGUAGE BEING WRAPPED UP IN FOLK HISTORY SO MUCH

AND THAT POOJA COULD RECOGNIZE AND UNDERSTAND IT BECAUSE SHZ KNEW THE STORIES THATS SOMETHING THAT MAKZS MY RESEARCH-HAPPY HEART FUCKING SOAR I SWEAR TO GODDDDD

and Leia’s line, “and we’ll have flowers”.. I PUNCHED THE AIR SO HARD I HURT MY ELBOW BUT YOU KNOW WHAT I HEAR HER SAY THAT CLZAR AS DAY IN MY HEAR. AND IT WAS GLORIOUS

Thank you! :) Apparently the moral of this story (and arguably the entire DAV universe) is that it pays to be a nerd. The revolution is fought (and won) with folk tales and poetry and flowers.

@threadsketchier said

  #I HAVE NEVER HIT REBLOG SO HARD IN MY LIFE    #i'm so thirsty for naberrie family fics  #& my thirst is slaked  #night: made  #crack!fic goals  #majestic    #*flaming elmo gif*  #it's ok that we're still not at bespin   #because we get more quality content like this   #the family that slays together  #say it with flowers  #that may be my new tag for this lol  #lastly  #YAAAASSSSSSSSSS

Ha ha thanks. :) This fic basically turned into a vehicle for all my Naberrie headcanons, with a side of double agent Vader shenanigans, so I’m glad you enjoyed that.

Also “say it with flowers” sounds like a catchy advertising slogan and now I’m picturing Darth Vader doing TV ads, so thanks for that.

@miriannemiri said

fabulous!  absolutely fabulous!  the way he told her to get out was fabulous  and just all the inside jokes possible with this  and the way he almost tested her the first time!  Also   as someone who used flower language in literary analysis while getting my master's   this just tickles me   fabulous addition 

Oh my goodness, I’m delighted to get a seal of approval from somebody who actually knows flower language!

I imagine the scene just after the end of the fic is Pooja telling Ryoo all about the different bouquets, and Ryoo cracking up laughing at each one.

@themoosejthm said

#A NEW FIC  #AND IT'S SO FUCKING GOOD  #READ THE THING  #ALSO THAT FAM REUNION IS GOING TO BE AWKWARD AS FUCK  #we also see more of Anakin being an awkward duck and just...swanning away from conversations midway through them  #the language of flowers on naboo is also a thing of beauty  #also it was really beautiful how present Padme was in this piece even though she's been dead for years  #just...FIA AT IT AGAIN WITH THE GOOD FIC   

Yessss, I’m so glad people are commenting on awkward turtleduck Anakin. He’s so awkward, but he gets away with it because people are so terrified that they think he’s being intimidating, when in fact he just...doesn’t know how to end a conversation.

Padme keeps popping up in dreams and memories because the idea of writing a story without her in it at all is just too terrible to contemplate.

@stereden said

#when someone who married into your culture knows your flower language better than you Palpatine it may be time to admit that you're an idiot #can I just say how much I adore the idea of Ekkreth basically telling Palpatine TO HISFACE that he's acting against him and will kill him #FOR PADME #and using Padme's culture to do so #imagine Anakin and Padme spending time together and Padme teaching him about Naboo and her traditions #and Anakin tells her stories of Tatooine #because for all that he hates the planet and what it represents #he learned a lot there #and in his darkest hours it's those lessons he remembers and uses to free himself #one story at a time #one bouquet at a time 

Thank you for these lovely tags!

Palpatine is a Serious Galactic Political Force, the inane superstitions and provincial traditions of villagers and slaves do not concern him.

By the time Pooja sees her first bouquet, Anakin’s been sending them for several years already and got his delivery down to a science, but I think the first time he sent the flowers he actually thought that Palpatine would be able to read them, and he fully expected his Master to take his anger out on him, even if he didn’t suspect Vader as the sender. Anakin was just too depressed to care. But then to his surprise it turned out that Palpatine couldn’t read the secret language of his own people (which, to an Anakin who’s now thinking largely in Tatooine terms, is practically a moral judgment itself). And once he knew he could get away with it, he got really into it.

Both Pooja and Anakin think of the bouquets as Padme’s flowers, though for different reasons.

kiralamouse said

Y’all, if you aren’t reading Double Agent Vader, you’re missing out. It’s fractally beautiful, the little details mirroring the big picture mirroring the middle-ground means, that injustice must be shattered (and shall be, by the reassembled broken bits reforged into immutable objects). Also, secret admirer flowers being secret death threats. Details.

#best au  #incidentally thanks fia for the fact that i can no longer not see your religious worldbuilding in canon  #no seriously thanks  #this fills the hole so perfectly that canon has yet to contradict

Thank you so much for this really beautiful image, wow. I’m flustered.

Also delighted that you like the Tatooine culture. :)

@thecookiemonster77 said

#!!!!!!!!!! #EEEEEEEEE DAV UPDATE!!!!! :DDDDDDD #IM YELL #I love ani what a nerd #*enters conversation* *doesn't know what to do* #*scuttles away* #same ani #same #but also!!!!!!! padmes family!!!!!! pooja!!!!!!!!!!!! #and flower fic!!!!!! #I'm so excited the hate bouquets became an official part of this installment omg #ani u nerd #I'm just. so in love w how they throw their disdain in palatines face #literally #like???? I just love their resistance and how they take whatever humor they can get #and!!!!!! using tales and flowers for rebellion!!!!!!!!!!! #dex as a part of the rebellion!!!!!!!!! #ITS WONDERFUL 

:D I’m so glad people enjoyed awkward!Vader because honestly, he’s so much fun. A giant terrifying nerd. Someday in the future, once a lot of things have come out, Pooja is going to tease him so hard about this.

There’s an old saying that the thing that infuriates the Devil most is being laughed at. I feel like that’s true for Palpatine, as well. Of course, right now he doesn’t realize he’s being laughed at, but there’s a certain satisfaction in that, too. And it keeps people going. Laughter is important for a rebellion.

Also I am literally incapable of not name-dropping Dex at some point in my AUs, so the biggest surprise here is that he took so long to show up.

@fairandfatalasfair said

This was fantastic.

I love the parallel between Ryoo’s research and the traditional stories of Naboo, ignored because how could romantic poetry be relevant? and the insignificant folk stories that inspired Anakin’s change of alleigance.

I love the awkward conversation between Pooja and Anakin, and her complete unpreparedness for being questioned on the floral arrangements by the emperor’s right hand. (I’m not totally sure whether he’s reminding her not to give away the joke, or just checking whether she shared her aunt’s interest in flower language, or something else entirely, but regardless it’s a delightful exchange.)

I love the flower Pooja leaves behind - a last message for the emperor. It’s so in keeping with the rest of what we see of her in this, very different in tone from the gloating, personal hatred of Vader’s bouquets. That principled declaration of unflinching intent to see democracy victorious, hidden in something fragile and beautiful and insignificant, is exactly what she’s been doing here all along. And Palpatine will never know.

#Stories are important

#And everyone knows this except Palpatine

#I'm not even going to go into the dramatic irony because at this point that's just the defining reality of the AU

#But it's still simultaneously delightful and also killing me

#because Pooja's like inches from putting together who sent the flowers and misses it because it just seems too implausible

#okay maybe I'm going into it a little bit

#anyway beautiful story

Thank you for such an epic comment!

This entire AU is not so secretly centered around the power of stories to inspire and create resistance, so I’m glad people are enjoying that. :)

Also I imagine that to someone like Palpatine, things like flower language and folk tales and poetry are all considered childish and feminine, and therefore unimportant. So there’s a double sense of enjoyment in seeing those things lead to his downfall.

Anakin originally approached Pooja in that awkward exchange because he wanted to see if she really understood the meaning of the flowers - and if that meant he actually had an audience for them now. (Anakin’s a little bit of a showboat, tbh, and he hasn’t really been able to exercise that tendency in a long time. Sending messages to Palpatine that the Emperor can’t understand is satisfying, in its way, but it’s much more satisfying to known someone else does understand.)

Only once he’s confirmed that yes, she definitely can read the message, he has no idea how to end the conversation. So he just kind of...leaves. Like the awkward duck he is.

I’m glad you like Pooja’s flower at the end. :) And the important difference, ultimately, between her (and Leia) and Anakin. Anakin’s doing this in some sense for Padme - she loved the Republic so he’ll fight to bring it back - but ultimately, he still doesn’t really believe in the ideal of the Republic, and democracy is still a pretty meaningless concept to him. He’s out for a personal revenge, and he is actually invested in the Tatooine revolution, but the Rebellion as an organization is a lot more abstract to him.

Pooja, though, is really Padme’s ideological heir, even if she’s crafted her public image to be Padme’s opposite. She is fighting for democracy, for a core set of principles, for the ideal of the Republic she genuinely hopes to create.

@astudyinimagination said

#dammit uncle ani pls talk to your niece like a normal person#honestly when everything finally comes out this is going to be the most awkward family reunion in history#in other news#yes that is a washington post reference#i couldn’t resist#and of course the naboo have multiple flowers representing democracy#of course they do#the lyane rose is the flower padme’s parade dress in tpm is made to look like#also i’m continuing my one person campaign to write fema baab as a master spy#in all universes apparently#and finally it’s possible the bits with mon mothma at the end#conflict in minor ways with rogue one

Well, for starters, this is an AU so if anybody minds that it conflicts with Rogue One, that’s just… silly. (And I adored the movie and I ain’t bothered. ;) )

YES ANAKIN TALK TO YOUR NIECE AND DON’T BE SO RUDE. PADME IS PROBABLY FACEPALMING. HONESTLY, ANAKIN.

And what I probably should have started this sort-of review with is that I’m SO GLAD that one tumblr post snowballed into something that made you want to write something as glorious as this. Thank you so much for actually doing it!

AND POOJA IS SO AMAZING. I just… I love the potential of Padme’s nieces as characters. I bet they were amazing. <3 And I love the way you flesh out the Naberries. *gives them all some much-needed hugs*

Oh yes, and the way that this fic is predominantly female characters is lovely. That’s always a plus. :) (Mon Mothma was great. I loved her. And she’s totally enjoying the knowledge that Darth Vader sent an important message through flowers. :D )

I love Pooja’s assessment that Palpatine had never forgiven Padme for being a better person and not being as ambitious as he was. That’s great. :D

I love Leia and Pooja being friends (oh my gosh, they’re cousins and they don’t even know it and cousins who are good friends is a thing I love). And Leia being so gleeful about her bestie’s symbolic shenanigans is wonderful. (I just… it’s odd, maybe, but I just feel like Leia and Anakin are sort of besties—they have a lot that they share with each other that they can’t share with anyone else. They’re unknowingly biological father and daughter, basically adoptive father and daughter… and they’re besties. And that makes me so happy. :) )

“One day we’ll tell all the stories again. And we’ll have flowers.” —I LOVE THIS LINE.

I have to admit, I wouldn’t have thought that there could be a purge of Senators when the Senate is abolished, but it makes sense. And honestly, that part was truly scary in a way that I haven’t felt from any fics in a long time. Maybe because it was a little more real? Pooja’s amazing, but she’s not Force-sensitive and she doesn’t exactly have the Skywalker luck to get out of Situations. (Heck, maybe it even connected with some old recurring nightmares of mine subconsciously, now that I think about it.) That was genuinely scary. *shivers*

So thank goodness Anakin could give Pooja that message, and thank goodness Pooja and her handmaidens and her family got safely away! Here’s hoping she and Anakin saved a lot of lives!

Oh my goodness this comment is epic! :)

Anakin’s always had an awkward streak, but combined with the additional awkwardness of interacting with someone he hasn’t seen in years, who happens to think he’s dead and to be terrified of the person she thinks he is...and then on top of that the realization that, having determined she can indeed read the flower message, he has no idea where to take the conversation next.... Welp. Better to just nope on out of there.

(Also Darth Vader is frequently awkward in the movies and I feel like fandom doesn’t talk about that enough, so I’m on a quest to write awkward!Vader as often as possible.)

I’m glad you enjoyed all my Naberrie headcanons! I had lots of fun with them and I really need to write them more.

Mon Mothma was great. I loved her. And she’s totally enjoying the knowledge that Darth Vader sent an important message through flowers. :D 

She so is. Honestly she’s probably hoping for The Reveal just so she can finally tell people this ridiculous but true story.

I love Pooja’s assessment that Palpatine had never forgiven Padme for being a better person and not being as ambitious as he was. That’s great. :D 

Thanks! I suspect Pooja is right on the money, too, though of course she doesn’t know that Palpatine also has the joy of tormenting Anakin with his endless parties on the anniversary of Padme’s death. But I think he’d have done the same thing even without Anakin, because he really did hate Padme on her own account.

Pooja and Leia already having a pretty close friendship is going to make at least one part of The Reveal easier. And yeah, I think Leia and Anakin do see each other primarily as friends, with a father-daughter dynamic because it’s a friendship with that level of age gap. It’s not unlike the relationship between Shmi and Anakin, actually: a parent-child relationship that’s really a partnership, a relationship between equals. Leia calls Anakin her teacher, and he does consider her his student (though he’s never actually used that language), but the relationship doesn’t look anything like any teacher-student relationship in his experience. He’s not her master, and neither of them have ever called her his apprentice. He doesn’t give her orders. He doesn’t tell her not to ask questions. They’re friends.

My headcanon for this ‘verse is that the entire Senatorial contingent of the Rebellion got out before Palpatine dissolved the Senate, so this operation, at least, was a resounding success. :) And while Palps must think that someone tipped them off, it certainly couldn’t have been Vader, who was light years away chasing down Princess Leia above Tatooine, and who has always hated politicians anyway.

[throwingideasatthewall]

Clone Wars     Episode 18

         Mystery of a Thousand Moons

 So,    Mystery of a Thousand Moons

Starts   with a really strong quote

   “ A single chance is        a galaxy of hope,”

   And into the episode

    “Hard pressed Jedi,”

      [Shows Ahsoka]

       Ah, mate?            that is one of the biggest Mary Sue’s in the series,           Reason you can’t see her face?            She’s smiling

       Good

       Alright

       Okay

      “ everyone on Naboo would be dead now,”

         .....    

         That         assumes           that           they         would           be         very     unaccountable         and        toxic

    Like,       no      one      they      had       to       blame        but   themselves,       for      that

  Just another boring day saving the universe....

   You did help

   I will give him that

   Obi-Wan did do something        in the previous            Episode

                      A child soldier also had a fight his battles

 But that’s besides the   point

Theed

Pretty sure that’s a war crime

   *Surprised there not taking him to the Galactic government for that

    Whelp

      Virus           Bombs

      Okay...?

      So it didn’t dispose

   So long as you established some mild amount of accountability

    And locked him up

   That shouldn’t be a   problem

  A droid must’ve taken it........

    These episodes never do start off           on the right foot               do they?

      It’s always some hilarious miscarriage of logic                Turning out to be true

Okay, where does this            lead?

      Aight

 Okay, bullshit, movie               You showed that little fucker running away       When     his      shit    was      taken

  Truly doubt he has such specific programming as to ran away when object of your concern has been taken but resume       oper     -ation                     And        Track          A         Vial          That          Could         be       Anyway

     It’s not impossible but it is damn well    unlikely

    So they didn’t destroy these      fuckers

    ??

   Heck

   Whelp

   Bull-shit

    [ You can tell     they didn’t plan this shit        in advanced]

      We saw that little   fecker - there was    nothing in his hands

       Really ret-con        ning

       It’s not worthy of a    sin on its own;       But it’s a damn good way to     piss off your audience!

   Hopefully the episode is         worthy of that             ret-con

       Doomed

 Oh they’re actually         taking him    some what     seriously

 That’s-       A bit      better

 Not  Perfect

  Okay

  Bullshit

   Dude  

    Might’ve        Been         Self-           Destructive           But          he at least had the intell        -igence not to auto-        Mate it-

    Wait,          It       Caused           An        Earth        Quake?        (We did see the security system overreact, so I’m not going to call that one too harshly 

     Also, okay

    Lock down the lab    quarantine those fuckers         And they will be fine    in like five days        (Maybe more if you want to like        pass them some             ibuprofen)

        This is fine

         Safe              room

           This is the place of a mad (unaccoun-         table doctor - who thought killing people was a      good idea-”

    You’re honestly    going to trust the safe       room?

    Better        idea;  get the       fudge out of there

 (And again just toss whoever got sick      some ibuprofen)

   Problem solved

   Seriously

      They          Have           Masks

     They’re         Adults

       They’re            Fine             .....

        Okay,      Padme

   ....

  Okay,  she does have the. thing

   (Not sure if it was in a      previous scene - I wasn’t paying attention    that much)

    Anakin

  Hey, the only character I actually care about is   here!

  (He’s the only one         whose sickness isn’t         his own fault

      Okay

    Yeah sucks      that no one else got those protective suits

      Well at least all the sick guys some    ibuprofen

      (I’ll try to keep the ibuprofen jokes down to a   minimum)

      Ahsoka,  has sealed off the entire    facility

     Cool, pass people down there some food   (and medicine) and wait for it to pass   down

       Droids

       Break out

   You locked down the facility?

  How can the dude unlock it   down?

   Can’t you just-

    No, sit in quar       -antine

     Let the people out      side keep the door shut

      And don’t feck around     with this thing

  “Be    care-ful,”

   No      one        is

   Put this        on

   “You’re bringing the       child?! ‘

     Why?

      He’s - like,               The only one               of you guys can get sick from this thing!

          Aight

         Ahsoka

Oh, yeah   let’s drag the other child soldier into this!

  (Are      you trying to get everyone killed?]

   Seriously

   Droids

   Dude,      Seriously

   Also you asking the “Mad” (Unaccountable!) scientist,        For the antidote?

     Scour on the planet

     You’ll likely find some (medicine) ibuprofen, capable of lessening the side effects, and compatible with their biology

     Rule

     Manufacture a plague

     That’s        really     impossible       unless      everyone         is         an      unaccountable         (Like in order to get that it should’ve killed you too)  

     And (Possibly)  anyone nearby

  Who    wasn’t     Practic      -ing       Account-

Per     son     ally                  Bull-shit

   That      this      works

   “Cure,”

    Stop      poking        the     wound

     Someone wants to fuck around with mother nature and pay the consequences that’s their own prerogative

     So long as you   don’t fuck    around with mother      nature, it         ain’t         Your       Pro      blem

 “Games,”

   So stop dealing with that fucker and go toss the clones some       food

    Or look for some damn     ibuprofen

 (I’m sorry    it’s becoming the      running joke        of this episode)

                                                    Seriously this                                                      guy should be                                                           dead

                                                       Unless                                                            he had a damn good healer on his team

                                                         Whom I respect                                                            immensely, having to deal with the majority of individuals who decide to, “ fuck around and find out,”

                                                       Who decide to say, to mother nature, nah                                                            I got this

                                                         And hold them                                                             accountable

                                                            * having both the ability and mak- ing the decision, to do so

                                                         And that’s feckin  

                                                            Ballsy

                                                         on the other hand whoever                                                 cured this guy clearly wasn’t practicing                                                              accountability,   

                                                     As if mother nature decided this guy was                                                           too stupid to live, you sure                                                           bet he’s not coming back into society 

 *Should

 Kill me now         I sure          wish       they would  

(Un-            Accou           n            -tability) 

unaccountable        freak               of          nature

 “ first droid breaks out of that laboratory,”

  There’s one

  Also well guess    we’re sealing it off till it      dies           Bye       Made,    Man

     Didn’t they say it was eradicated?

    Through the adjacent        herb

    Put in accountability

   There we go

   Problem       solved

   Fastest way to        save

   Again throw a     Tylenol           (Yes I have changed the thing,”

   Find an actual antidote

  Again is there not one?

   Toss the herb  

   Throw them in accountability               Standard              procedure

     Aight

    There they go

    Whelp

   In here

   Thought that was reasonable

   Dead         Man

   You’re wearing masks

   And are adults....

    Again yeet a Tylenol

     Send them to        Accountability

If there’s anything we should be worried about is         Ahsoka

   Yeet her into       stable           environment 

    And....    hope for the best

    Not       sure how badly this would affect someone who can’t assume authority/         (/accountability)

    The best course of action          is just to not let them near that kind of stuff

     I don’t know what kind of        idiot decided against that    

    *unaccountable

    Almost, certainly         the same one that decided to bring the other one           unaccountable

      Into the situation

    Aka our toxic “love birds”   of stupidity

   Stop that droid...

   My master....       Will find a cure        For the      virus

 Wasn’t the cure already found?

 Like,      Everyone’s still alive

  And, we have recollection of it

  (Which wouldn’t be possible...)

   Dead yet

    Yeah          let’s drag her into a virus affected room without any knowledge

    Contaminated

    Again,  these fuckers decided to takeoff       their helmet

    Is there no regulation??

   Like, if they die      it’s on their own screwup

      No sympathy

   *Like I want them to reach a healer and       be held      ac        -countable          If     anyone       can       and      wants         to         is     another     argument      entirely

  Healing       is      not       a   guaranteed     ability

  In    the   direct     line       of   productivity     you   shouldn’t      be    fucking    around     with     things       that      could       get      you     killed       or     mother     nature

 So someone that will heal you from your   own   unaccountable   actions

Is   not     a   guarantee

 Like    with    food     or    water

  Move them away from you for Jesus Christ sake

   Like, seriously

   Neither of you are healers...

   And Ahsoka can’t assume accountability

   Aight,      Back to this      Scene 

   Right,         Okay

   Treachery

   Great...

   Antidote

   I think I found the answer for you

   No shit

   Okay,          the         ....      The captain of the guard doubles as a       healer

    Good for him

    Good to know he has that ability

    Rep        Syrup

   Aight

    Iego?

    ....

  Okay     bullshit     movie

  Compatible         cures           can            only              be             found                on               planets                 with              compatible              eco- ology

           Meaning                the cure              (the best cure)              (Or healer)               Should be              on planet

           Possibly                near                  the                  area

              Point being                     this should be on                     planet

                 And a great chance to show some nice        scenery

                And use the new queen

               And show Amidala reacts to how things have changed since she became senator...

I’m   disappointed

 That’s why most    find-a-cure- missions

 Because why would    planet fuck it have     a cure    for an   incompatible species?

You can’t   just toss    that thing up

 Deep separatist     controlled        space

   Seriously?

    Does    no one have a      greenhouse?

 (Herb     focuses       aren’t     necessary,        but I did figure there’d be one gardening       person!)

   Move cautiously

    Seriously,          Is there           no      Active     Healer        Focus-       Es-      Or    even      a    herb    guy?

 (It’s possible    it’s just really     weird)

 We did see doctors

 I mean.       Why       Can’t         You        Send      One       Of           Them?

      Like the system’s already    enabling

      You’re telling me there’s, not,  like one      neutrally enabled          herb          guy          That isn’t just like               Yeah, dude      what did you get into..?  

        Oh shit, yeah let me throw some reet wood on that, dude

       Again,          Possible

       Just out        of the ordinary

  “There’s no time         for caution,”

    Whoa, whoa, where did that come from?

   NOW he’s scared about      Ahsoka??

 (Like normally       (And I mean normally is in        Ahsoka not being an abomination of nature,        That would be kind of normal        And a reason to       fret, because        We don’t know- if that        kid will survive)

   But-

   It’s really un      earned  

  -Just      Every    where

   No humanity      to any of      this

  “And so is      Padme,”

   Obi-wan         Narrow      -ing      eyebrows

     Seriously?

        Like even by your own rules you should care about your        senator

      This is just   really un-earned

       Like,         You did no part to earn       that,  movie

  You didn’t set up Obi-Wan is a demanding       and/or intimidating individual

  You didn’t set up Anakin as a child following orders and having to correct at said orders/responses

      Or

An adult that is continuing to enable Obi-wan’s behavior

   You haven’t even set up     whatever Anakin/Padme      ‘s relation-ship          is supposed    to be

   You’ve been writing       (and having them            acted)             Like some          alien hybrid        that’s only job         is to be       an asshole

   As such I can’t take any of this with          any bit of seriousness

   The tone struggling on light         unrealistic-ness

     You need some hum       -anity

  Cause those things      aren’t human

  “ it’s a suicide mission     once we contain the virus,”

    Are you     actually going to start doing that?

     Letting them die out             Or              Getting a damn            Healer?

   -troops

   Aight

   Also how deadly is this    thing supposed to be?

   [The thing about healers      that makes them so specific,        There’s A) having access to the plant of       whatever you fecked with        (Having        Herbs on        deck when      you       do)          And the knowledge of which       plant will actually fix the problem   

    (Exclusive to           them.)

    Also,              The willing      -ness]

    Point             Being;         How rare is ibuprofen?

    There are no other medics

    And, you can’t toss them          down some food?

    ....

    Like, seriously

     What are your troops    even doing?

     (They don’t seem to be quarantining!)

     (I concur)

  Seriously,      

   Okay,

   Also, yeah, how’s that awkward car ride going to be?

    ....

What-ever

    No show of Obi-wan as he used to be

   No actual resent-ment from Anakin

         The main reason    most people decide to enable

   Just...        Hey, they’ll be fine!

     (Nothing told]

  “ if we suc       -ceed,”

   Again you set up no     risks-

   This thing could kill them      today or      tomorrow;          I have no idea

      I don’t

     Oh, ok   now there’s other droids!

    [This is getting very        heavily bullshit]

     Also you’re trusting       basically clankers            to open the door?

       Good for    you...

     “How we going to get out?”

     “Not our  problem,”

    Well, there        went any medium         of slight risk

      Neat

   Dude,      cou-      ghing

Seriously,  winner,           of the Darwin award          over here

        (Why?)

       Whelp

        Oh they’re standing right behind the      child      how nice

  My pity is       feckin minimal

    Okay

    We’re right outside your safety room

   Okay, great

     ‘ can you get the door open,’

      Oh, yeah that’s great

   Like not only should we let the     de-adly virus into the room

    Let the vulnerable      child get the door

  Great job         Amidala

  Any other        Babies        You       want         to      murder?

   “ go     ahead       Jar-         jar,”

   Did you ask the      other kid       to do it for you

    Fecking brilliant

      Didn’t even try to see if Rex and their others were wearing the helmet

   Just....    

   Amidala            Trash

   (Where        she      belongs)

    (You cannot convince   me           she isn’t the villain)

    “i’m sorry Ahsoka”

  For     what,     endangering         a     child        (To    possible     death)

    Because that’s the only reason that         she     would       be   apologizing

  Here;      it    makes     no    sense

 “ we still have       a     job      to     do,”

  No you don’t

  You heard the   droids...

   They don’t give a   shit...

   ....

  Emm

  Able

   Oh also now everyone has their      helmet      off

 Winners of the Darwin award,         This Squad

    Now      they’re          on

     Geez, that really    helps...

   ....

  Cutting through the     wall,..

   And now they care....

  This episode    really is setting       a bad       example         For        What       Justifies       Using         A         Ret-        Conn        For         ...     Okay someone’s helmet’s going to get broken...

  Aight

  Ahsoka is just plain      fecking fine

  Good to know that I will never have to worry about       her this entire episode

   Don’t open      that hatch?

    Again,           how?

   They....

  Hmm        ....         Aight

  This

 Grave- yard

  Those are       rocks

  Now their        ship parts...

  Okay

  Simple      Enough...

   No        AA       Guns

 Aight

 alright     don’t       try        to       land     anywhere       subtle

  (Not like in an unidentified ship Landing in the port will raise any    questions)

 (Obi-wan       loves       conflict)

    See?

    You       can’t        not     notice      that

 Every       one       is     down        for    murder

 (Specifically       of        the        roombas)

   Death     roombas

  Anakin

🎵 No emotion 🎵

     None       What-so-ever

  “Welcome to         Iego,”

     Not...    Death     Roombas?

   No          Guns....

  ANAKIN!

.............. ......           WTF

(Anakin’s      an    asshole!)

(Like     I don’t care how they try        to play that off..)

  He’s        Irredeemable

  (Nothing      after this      is surprising)

  Like      they could’ve been     sentient

  And regardless      wrecking someone’s shit  (that isn’t made for practice exercises)

   (More then       five times!)

      Toxic...       Beyond redemption

      (Or anything else besides accountability...      ..)

    Not relatable

   Dick move

  Seven       Teen

 I don’t think   they were battle droids mate

I think they were just automated      welcome

  Anakin destroyed someone’s prized  welcome droids

  That they may just to make people..     happy

  There isn’t exactly a rule about property ownership...            Wait, yes there is...

   Don’t be a      dick!

   (Don’t be a              dick!!)

   (You can’t kick them from       society for it...)

    But...you can bar them from your place

   Not cool...

   Dick

   “18, actually,”

    Shut up.

    J.Bo

    Probably         the       owner         of        the   establishment       you       just     trashed...

   Dick....

  Droids...

   He has      a point

   Not a        Kid

   Really...     has       gone        off        the          deep      end 

   Rash

   No        ...

  Well     a screw in my brain has clearly come loose....

  We already have one badly written      child   character

  Two    in    doubt

  And    now    this..

 Hm    

If you don’t want to write decent child characters      don’t         write     them

 (And      I     mean         don’t       write                               them,         Child       Characters)

   Write          adults    

   (And      I      mean          do           it      properly,       Don’t          childify                Them

    And pretend          like they aren’t        accountable          for their          actions               ......         As              you            can           tell              I’ve            gone            to         some          thing           of             a             Tranquil         fury             state               Now       paying attention        after     Anakin     screwed         with           a        bunch               of      dude’s             property           .......     But there’s really nothing on screen to justify it

    Do        you     know       what    would’ve     been     better?

    If Anakin had actually run into a semi accountable adult, Who bought him from his establishment under said reasons, and that was the core conflict, with Obi-Wan talking to the owner,              And Anakin left to contemplate his action

     Possibly deciding to fix the droids,                  Not out of any attempt             for forgiveness,

     But just because

     Showing            the          realization of the effort it takes to                                                             make                                                           something

       Or        possibly      deciding             to        destroy         them         more

   Showing        his       shift       from        his           original        state

   Possibly         some        resentment          towards          his         origin

      And..  how a good thought can be twisted it into a          bad action

  Children         aren’t        spoiled

   They repeat actions         they have            have been            ordered          to       repeat

    The giving of initiative          to this child

    Makes me       worried that       writers are      victim blaming         Children

 And a popular ‘look at this spoiled brat, he’s clearly responsible for his condition,’ ‘Isn’t that funny’ attempt to dodge responsibility, when in reality it has never been funny, always toxic, And it says nothing good about the medium or the writer who decided to write it 

 Even writers to attempt to mock this trope, Are in thin leniency,     

Because       the     only     way      to    stop    seeing      this      Trope,        is        to      stop      writing         it

    So        it      can      die

  Where       writing         like       that     belongs

   You        know      what     would         be      interesting?

    And adult character      written       like         that

   (Because         adults         are       actually       capable          of         malician

     Unlike       children

     Much          more       realistic

     Much         funnier         for      everyone        involved

 (Including       the      audience)

    And    without       that      pesky    concern that         enabling (and encouraging) the thoughts that children are capable of     malacian              And should be held to the same    standard               Is      Morally        Wrong

  Now continuing on with the   story

   “Droll,”

  That..     Poor      Droid

   Planet

 [you know it would make a lot more sense for him       to be here alone         If he was an adult

    And for “Droll”          , to leave a rich millionaire         on an uncharted planet            Alone.                 ......    

   Continuing            on...

     ....

[you are here         how child        who shouldn’t        be capable          of intuitive]

     50 tried         50 died

       How long have you been around to          see that          happen?

       Droll

       Why?

       You         have           to         get          a        plant

     Nothing           About

    [also how much cooler do you think it would’ve been if those have been   child soldiers and this was an adult just cautiously,         No caution - referen         -ing          How       they         died        like        a      sporting       event?

 Possibly showing Obi-wan’s        enabling side?

    Instead of        this      monstrosity?

    Ok,        we’re      here      now

  Don’t know where     those things came from since they just defeated      the battalion      before hand

  Okay

      Alright

    No        Risk

  ....

  [Some   -one      gave       the       child            a         gun...

      !

   Okay

    What            The          Fuck

     You         put        those       eyebags          of     “sickness”          back        where         they         belong        movie

     You’re        (Your)    Mary Sue        didn’t         earn        them

     And      showed         no       signs      before

   While soldiers in almost         complete armor were coughing up their lungs

    Senator’s         Screw-ed

     Show         off       those      eye-bags          of         death        now       movie 

     they       weren’t        there        before

     Anyway                .....

       ......

       Don’t             Care

        (Skip)

       (Emotionally!)

         Look              Fine

         Back             Here

         Why?

         Why             are             they              on               a             cliff?

          Movie,                you              didn’t               explain            anything

         Something                    .....                 Roots

           Vine

           Plants              don’t                 like                  it

[do you know this would be a normally philanthropic gesture, from someone ( an adult,) who seemed otherwise un-interested and     enabling of a bad situation

Here        It’s       Just                  🖕

  (Dropped          it)

      On          my       way         to       find        my    decreasing-

     Oh       there         it         is        at       the    absolute    bottom

 Because        I     don’t         give      a        shit-

 Teeth

  There’s no teeth there      animators

    Xandu

    Great

     That

      He        found         one

     Hope              on

     Whelp           (        )

      Good             Idea

        It Wasn’t

        ...

       We’re  back to the hatch

   Why

  Okay

   How do you know where they are   

how do you know there’s more

  Lots   of things being skipped over

  And I don’t have the time       to format them

 (Nor the patience...

    Okay

    Really       risking        it

    Argh

    Don’t.     Care

   Alright

    Yes   

Surprisingly

  Despite       all     logic

  🖕        This

  How    Specific      are       they

   ...

  What?

   What       was         I   supposed       to      get     there     animators?        (Or       voice       actors)

   .....

   Hm

  They didn’t hit the...

   Wtf?

   Okay

    Again why are the teeth     doing the thing??

  No explanation

   “Hurry,”

      It’s           Bed          Rock

      Screw            Cure

      “You             Made               It”

         Again            could’ve             been                  a              cute            moment                 .....            Instead

           Well                 Spice

            So                he’s not alone

             (Also how    with that supposedly big threat?

              That’s             supposedly             devastated                 several                ships

             Also      so his parents were some old time             Mogul

         What a been nice to have an adult             voice this

           Using the back water               as a justification

            Here;                   It’s just                nothing

              Left

              Can’t                 leave                   because                   of                   the                  cur(ve)

                Nice                 justification

                Would be nice if it came out of an actual adult

                  Instead of this walking horror        abomination of nature

                  Curse

Okay, movie    

you might have me back

Does the curse

 Possibly revert

 Him

  To a younger age?

   Cursed?

   Any one     going to explain that

    Cursed by who my    twitchy friend?

     No start with a          “what is the curse              ?”

     Droll

   “A Ghost?”

   Shut up Anakin    

There are       force ghosts

  Also- seriously

  We’re mashing            those         two tropes?

     Also why do you       care?

    You      have      people        to      save

   You      have        time         for      weird      curse        bullshi-         (Sorry          too       ag-   gressive)                Later

   Now          is       not       the       time...

    You      know       what?  

    Maybe         it         is-

    BECAUSE       THE       STORY        HASN’T      CLARIFIED         ANYTH-

        I         am         very          angry          at           the        story        right        now

    Mainly               For~

    Anyway .....       .......       Our          Protector

     Don’t fuck around with   magic

        Specifically                Luck

         Because it    wouldn’t exist if people are accountable

          And             the            world            does             not            deal            with          slackers            lately

       (Trust             me               I            know)

         Destroy              all

          Not very specific

          Also    what’s that curse about then?

         Cause             you’re              still              alive

       “Super-stition,”

          Obi-Wan                said               language

              Also Obi-Wan your Council turns into force - ghosts

            You, shut the fuck up                   (Lightly]

               Okay

    That proves     literally nothing

  Also “friend”,       He’s        severely      older than you

   Also I guarantee it’s going to be like an       AA tower or something

 Something explainable

  (Not a bad thing      it’s actually a pretty good thing on logic)

   Just saying   a lot of jumped beliefs

  And the kids shouldn’t care about it

 At most,  trained      to wince at it’s name

    Okay...

   Whatever old man,-

    Let’s go fight that monster

  (Or AA tower)

  Or whatever   it is

 Okay

  Taken as a   challenge

  Alright

 Okay

 Seriously    what is Droll??

   Aight          Okay

   “ blew up those   ships,”

   Besides an        electromagnetic          field             And their own incompetency?

      Okay

      Real we can handle

    Yeah

   Unless it requires him to be an     actual adult..

    Too bad    I really like those guys

     Children           can’t         Li-

   What-ever

[ How long till they crash?]

     Help

    More then he should be able to

    Kid

   The only acknowledgment of something that shouldn’t      exist

   Aka..

   THAT’S NOT A FUCKING, KID!

         Aka, it’s an abomination             of fucking nature!

                                     That’s                                         what                                           it is!

             Al-right

 Give him the com?

  And that’s when it hits him...

Like    I’m   100%   betting     (Not     Act-ually)       That       the       kid        is        “behind”.       it

   Aka        Shit   happens      right      after          he      asked  

   Meant          to          be      (dramatic)        irony

      But comes across as a kid          pulling the strings

   Okay,

    Not Gonna notice     that?

    Oh now you do

   What is it

    Okay,          how do they not know that’s what that is?

 Also, only for people going out

     Weird Separtist flex but Okay

So what       next?

   No

  Turn the ship around

  That - would be a good idea

  Destroy the-      satellite-

   Aight-

   Anakin, sees your odds-  

   And decides- 

   fuck yes you have a point

    Turn around

    Turn around

    Tell those guys what happened

     (Also all those previous       pilots just did not give a fuck!)

    Screw with the satellite!

    ....

   Leaving the planet

   Weird

   Again, weird flex

   ... But okay

     Back

  ‘They decide (not) to wear the shield like an idiot...’

   ‘Muddled crowd displeasure before dispersing’

      ‘wanted to hear squash’

        Some guy

        *some            separtist              guy

    Like all the adults know what’s going down in the circumstance and just decide to fuck with the foreigner

“Master,”

  Asoka   calling    her    mom

    Also no movie you can’t make me feel bad for               Ahsoka

       Amplify           the          signal

       How?

      Aight

 “Destroyed      all the droids    in the compound,”

   Oh yeah so now you know the    exact number

  Also, hey Amidala,         Do you want to talk about how you       scripted a child       (Out of the safety*            Of the chamber,)

    To fight your damn battle?

   No one’s going to bring up that          unfortunate implication?

  That’s not a mood killer            for you?

         ........          Open this           bunker....

        Why?

      Seriously

       The bunker...    Is not that serious a deal

        Seriously they were acting like this thing stays          infectious             for           forever

          Like it has infinite viability

         Also what about food and water?

       What about medicine?

  What about....

 Er...

Goodbye Aniken

I’m sorry   child killer   was I supposed to sympathize with you?

Because I don’t

Also, ‘goodbye’?

From cutting the com?

 Because literally   nothing else has been established about it?

  Heck Ahsoka’s been running around with no protection and           is not dead

  So clearly not that big of a deal

  Like     she’s got a light cough      (And heavily developed eyebags somehow)

.......

No seriously

   All she did was cut the com so       she could get some rest

  That’s....literally all that seems to be established

    (Yeah,        I know they’re trying to imply that she’s dying

    But you need to establish-)

   Power converter

   How is that going to help?

  “slow down Anakin,”

  Again maybe he can      maybe he can’t

     Literally nothing

   Or possibly been a good establishing moment       about Obi-Wan’s enabling tendency       (And disregard for human      life,)

    Or Anakin fighting against enabling          (Or the urge to         enable)

      But nothing

    “ they’re dying,”

   Or have a light cough       and want to take a nap

        Seriously      slow down you psycho

       “Two steps back,”

       Um, no

   Like,         this could’ve been a good moment

  About,        how Obi-Wan is trying to get him to enable or outright screw over the next generation

    Trying            to         stall         him             Under the guise        of helpful        advice

But there’s just    nothing

“Will to jump,”

  No, it     requires       the    personal    Account         ability      and      respect       (Of    yourself)       Mixed      with       the    sentience,     development        and       most         importantly,        Actualization             Of            An            Adult

    Which        the       tone        refuses         to      commit           to

    The conversation being as compelling as between two anthropomorphized blobs

   Refusing           to          Hold         Anakin       Accountable           For          His         Actions

                              While                                Obi-wan                                     is                                    also                                    let                                   off                                  too                                    light

[We    need      a      lot     more     mother      Gothal       and      less     kicked        puppy      dog)

   As     well      as    internal   struggle

(Obi-wan        is       not       the      hero       in      this         one,        Movie)

    There            is         no        good       enabler

  “At   least        hear        me     out        on    this,”

Yeah     listen      to     the   narcissist.           (One      who       is    completely       ok      with     child   grooming.)

 (Multiple   occasions)

  Citizens       of         a       Llego

  Oh so you have time for a     committee!       (This       is      why      you     don’t     trust      an   enabler (narc)     with      the     plans:

  They      are       far     more   interested       in     getting     approval          (For   themselves!)     then     actually      fixing         the     problem

   This       is       why         we      have       the      rule       of      five

   So    some    asshole     doesn’t      slow     down   productivity    (among      other     things)       because       they       can’t       get      over      their      ego

  (Or     the     benefit       of    humanity      over   themselves)

   All the adults already know this thing      isn’t a ghost

  And all the     kids can’t help    and shouldn’t be involved

  This is literally     just an ego trip      for Obi-Wan

  Nonsense

  And this dude

  Who clearly       Must’ve been      Alive 

  Or at least knowingly decided to spew this bullshit

 Because no one‘s first thought is the supernatural

(Seriously)

 (Who even bothers thinking about      that?)

  (When you have a life to live)

   (No hate)

 Just there’s plenty of time to contemplate     death

   (Don’t know why anyone would want to)

  Without, you know, screwing up everyone   else

   (Mostly)

Seriously, just don’t argue with    narcs

  Just send them to accountability        (Be accountable yourself)

    Okay

    Angels

    Shiny

    What

     WTF

    Why

    What         is     occurring.?           .....    

   Stole       our     moon

    ?

 Also   seriously?

   Is it really time for        prehistoric       chatter         about the long list of tox and baggage these guys have         accumulated?

     You know where the problem is, you know it’s probably uninhabited           (This place looks       pretty damn ancient)

      So, just...

    Look I know why Obi-Wan isn’t doing it...         But seriously a waste of time for Skywalker to be        you know   fighting his inner demons          About      enabling        this      bullshit

     As          an     adult

 Which      he       is     written      as

  With     actualization

 [              ]

  Long      sigh

  Minus        Prime

 Seriously       do      we     have     time      for      this?

   Also what about that some thing another guy

   Valley

   Down       The        Thing

   Nobody       ever      goes      that     way

 Now on a different   planet        ....      What

Milius     Prime          .......

Vulture    droids ........

Why?       .......

Don’t we have?

Argh      ....... 

my brain is honestly pretty fried at this point

That’s -  that’s   too many details

    ... most of them   irrelevant

 Remote    control

  Please...       Wrap            it       up

   Okay

  Alright

What-ever

  Just...   get it over with

  Lazar     Admitter        .....        Wait, what?

 When was a        laser admitter        Brought         Up?

   What          About         The         Milius...

  Why...

(I fecking hate             Literary           (And plot)      Littering

    Good       stories         live          by       Chekov’s              Gun

     Die          by       the    accountability      scale

   Which by     if two people die         then   two people must live        (Be born)

 And that gun        better be    feckin fired

Because that     information     takes up     valuable      space

  We were         Introduced           To the      Forbidden            Path       Thing... A while     ago

   On      the     same     planet

 (Supposedly   somewhere        in          the      distance)

 Now we’re    about to leave the planet..

 Where’s the      gun shot....?

   Seriously what’s in the distance?

  Oh   so there’s somehow water

   Also   everyone just fecking around

    Great,        I care about none of these characters

      Except            the          Baby

     [Where’s          Jar-Jar?]

      Aight

     What           a        waste

    Completely          their          own          fault

      And          yours’

     Child       killer!            (Or guess only     Asoka directly,)

        And dragged     Jar jar into the situation

        Like this is completely her      own fault

    “Born to do,”

    I’m sorry were you going for an actually serious     moment?

    Like that was actually a surprisingly     self-aware moment

    Shame we don’t know if that guy is dead

  Or anything   about the situation      That would      make it     even the      tiniest bit      stressful          .......     

    The scene and everything I think it’s trying to      go for

     Nah

    You didn’t earn it         .....

“Sacrifice,”

 Again, so he’s dead now??

  Seriously, what

 Who was that?

 How?

 How long?

???????         ??

  You       are      bad        at     setting        up        a        story

[The who what where are changes on a feckin dime

The risks,      as such,      Are   non-existent

And no idea

What the heck is going    on

[besides a basic blueprint    of what I think the writers are trying to pull]

 [from past experience]

 (They literally didn’t set up anything)

  (Anything)

   (What-so-ever)

    Must      believe

      Must believe in     feckin what?

      Padme told him not to open the   door

     (For fuck all reason)        

     ....

     .......

    What am I supposed to feel?

    It’s literally no odds

   No established risk...

   “Ahsoka!”

   Oh, she fell asleep 

    Feckin drama queen

Also you   

you did that

Good job      “Amidala”              The feckin       child killer               .....

  Argh

   Whelp

   Back to these frickers fricking around

Really     increases      the    feeling       of      those    nonexistent      odds

   As     well        as        the   completely   non-consistent     pacing       ...

Great

Okay

Just get it over with....

 What...

 Who things don’t look like what we saw   before...

Heck, they don’t even look like   vultures

“Vulture,”

 Alright

[Rolls-         Eyes]

 This works

   Okay...

   Aight

  Yeah       no

   Okay,          Guys..

    Aight

   Could’ve been out of satellite distance

    Kid

   Droids

   .....

 What-ever    

   ....

  Why are they celebrating?

  They don’t know shit happened

[or maybe they do]

I don’t have the energy to bother with   narc logic

Just let it end...

Aight

“That you’re-

 Dude     wrong clip      wrong order   

  ....

Aight

Okay

Yeah     Sure

Okay

Oh so now they can open the door?.

“Padme,”

  Aniken you are not a healer

  Your a herb-getter at most

   Oh so you have a very important person apparently didn’t have any      medical resources up to this point

   Kinda bull

   Opens eyes        [Not Romantic]

   That’s bullshit

  “I spoke with the medical droid,”

   Would’ve been nice to          see that

  Also, oh yeah well I was arguing     semantics about whether or not they had a healer  

   They totally did

   They could’ve sent it a medical droid

   Avoided did 90% of this bullshit

    Full recovery

    The dude who    hasn’t even gotten the Herbs?

    Or not distributed them?

   “I never lost faith in you,”

    Bull

     And the most stunted line ever

  [which would make sense for a          child soldier.]

     Adult?

       Unlikely

       Debatable

       Dubious

“None of us did,”

 Bull-shit

 And speaking for a lot of people

  That aren’t you

   [Authority         Assume]

   “ where we weren’t so sure,”

     [Show          Don’t tell,]

      “ well you did make it”

    Despite none of this being established

   Like I don’t think     she knew about the cure

   And specifically told you       not to

 [What kind of      tox....]

  Aight

  Okay

  By        the      way           ....    

   “Your padawan was brilliant..”

    The CHILD I recklessly endangered

 Ergh

  Aight

Whatever

   Get it over with

   General        skywalker

     Don’t         Care.

      My        Lady

        That                feckin        endangered            a          child

      [Two]

     Jar-Jar      surprisingly           still         ALIVE            after           that         incident

         I heard you were quite a good child soldier

        And like any other positively over involved groomer...  

          [Like I did with Anakin]

      Can’t resist         the temptation   

     to screw over another generation   

     🖕

  Training 

     AAAhhhh!

     I was just joking!

  Really starting them young      Obi-Won

  [He really can’t- resist

   The urge to drag someone into his     fucking-

        Obi- won                  Is                   A               Narc             Confirmed

          Feck               Him

          Jar-           Jar                is               a               child

            He            should              not              know               how                to               use               any             blaster

           [aka                Gun]

[unfortunately thanks to   Princess Amidala*

* she’s a Senator

*i’m just    very done...

 Aight

“ you did a fantastic job,”

  You did a fantastic job          Nearly dying....     You supposed to be defenseless child

    🖕

*Training

 Grooming

  “Yeah,”

   What?

    That was like a      goofy laugh

  “I probably do deserve,”

  Narc 

Children     can’t     have    attitude

 “But      not       all       of        it,”

  Amidala     also     deserves       credit         for     ordering        you       into      danger

   Padme,          high        five         for     endangering      children

  Seriously       who        is       still    painting      them       as      the     good     guys?

  They’re   Adults

   They-

   ....

[ “Thank you”

    For    fucking    nothing ]

....

 I think I’m going to use my     most repeated comment for           this episode; Not deserved

                             On that                                 subject;

                              It follows the same                                   pattern of the last two                                      Episodes

* One     that       is   constantly    changing,        Just      before        Strike     territory,        For another       formula        that’s          a      different      degree        and       volume       (type)         of    mediocre        and    problematic

     Saving it         from            a         strike           But          not            a       mediocre          episode

       Unfortunately, maybe it’s because it’s the third one to try this, special attention must be drawn to the fact that they have no idea how to do this

     While the bits that are pretty much           prepackaged are fine

       The rest         struggles

  Bringing to light a fundamental unaccountability           In accountability      By disregarding     what made it work in the first place

  And throwing in the trope haphazardly         (With no thought to it’s            (in)conclusion)

     Believing it to be sufficient enough

    Without any of the     necessary set up        Characterization        Or emotion

  With the mystery one, the set- up was erroneous, the “mystery,” rushed and over in 5, with the grace of a good villain

    With this;

    The “set up” doesn’t even get beyond the ground

    Screwing up some of the       key important elements

     - One; The cure’s on planet allowing for some environmental exploration, while maintaining realistic probability

     - Two; The deadline for expiration is explicitly outlined, creating tension

     - Three; The heart, comes for the fact that nobody wants anyone else dead and would rather see them be held accountable, (or live to be held accountable)

     - Fourth; The effects are semi-consistent

     - Fifth (unspoken); children are always vulnerable              (If a adult can survive it- neither can a kid- debatable]

        And also; (Optional) The cure is           seen distributed for a more tangible sense of relief

        You broke three of the five rules

          The three Most important ones

          As such;

          The tone, pacing and tension

            (Never mind the Heart,                     Which I shutter                           to think of,)

                        Flounder                               like                                  a                            (soon-to-be)                               dead                                 fish                                  out                                      of                                     water

If you’re going to do a     pre-established plot 

         Do it            right

  Don’t      cut   corners

    And make it as          manufactured               as           packing           peanuts,

         With              as              much             heart              (Emotional                Value)

[sanerontheinside]

made up fic title meme: "such things come in threes"

Um, hm. I’m not sure what the fuck this is, but, now that I’ve done it, I can reblog the title meme again, so. um. yeah. @obaewankenope, @lilyrose225writes, @meabhair, @maawi, @eclipsemidnight, @kyberpunk, @stonefreeak, @aidava – thank you all for your help.*whispers* what the fuck—I’m so sorry. 

Such Things Come in Threesaka Weird Eldritch Shit, or: Three Times the Force Said, Fuck This

The Jedi and the Sith have their Codes and their little Laws and Rules and all sorts of Truths they abide by. A Code, they think, can rule their lives, and there’s no use praying to the Force, because the Force is not sentient and does not hear.

Jedi and Sith also don’t like being told they are wrong. But they are, they are so very wrong, so very limited in their understanding of the Force that it’s almost embarrassing.

The Force is everything. Fire and ice, atmosphere and earth and oceans and the vacuum of space. The space between systems, the burning gases and pressed minerals of stars and black holes. Every living and every nonliving thing.

It’s also a great big cosmic power, and It gets a bit bored.

The restrictions the Jedi and Sith have imposed upon themselves over the years are boring. If a cosmic being could possibly understand what numbness felt like, then for the last two or three relative seconds of Its existence, the Force has literally been considering juggling planets out of sheer frustration.

The trouble with being an infinite-spanning, infinitely powerful, and utterly omnipotent, omnipresent being, is that One gets terribly bored. The reality is, the Force is perhaps not quite sentient, but also not entirely self-aware. It relies on other beings to discover Its own potential. The more pressing difficulty is that for the last several centuries, instead of experimenting, the Jedi seemed to have been forgetting things, which is possibly more frustrating than stagnation.

Though of course there are the Baneite Sith, but as far as the Force is concerned, It never quite understood the concept of pain and utterly unnatural contortion until that lot’s most recent inventions shifted from theory to practice. Which is precisely why, when Plagueis the self-styled Wise decides to meddle with the laws of everything considered natural, the Force makes Its own choice—or, that is to say, leaves the choice up to the life Plagueis creates. The fact that this life comes into being very far from Plagueis indeed, and far out of the reach of any influence, is not—strictly speaking—interference. (All right, so it is.)

Let it not be said that Choice is an alien concept to the Force. The basis of all the experimentation, the new and subtle bends and turns, brilliant explosions, marvels and accidents of evolution—all of that is not up to the Force itself. The greatest discoveries are not those It nudges beings into (though sometimes it’s like a breath of fresh air, directing someone to uncover a buried bit of history). But pressed against the proverbial wall by a skilled and horribly stealthy, tiny, insignificant poisonous speck of a being, the Force rears up in offence. It discovers, rather late, that someone has laid a rather alarming network of seemingly irrelevant possibilities, and the potential outcomes from that set of threads is very, very alarming.

For the first time in a very long time of Its own existence, Force takes liberties in ways It had long ago determined It should not.

Here is something that the Sith and the Jedi long forgot, that the Force is not all that eager for anyone to remember: there were times, in the history of being, when the Force was neither so kind nor so distant. When, like a young thing, It treated lesser beings without proper knowledge of their boundaries, and broke some, bruised others, irretrievably damaged quite a bit. The Force needed time to learn. In the end, perhaps, while Morality is something that yet escapes it (and, honestly, most sentient beings, at that), Choice was a lesson painfully driven home.

Ultimately, a particularly painful lesson was that interference almost always leads to disaster. But right now, the Force feels poised on the cusp of disaster as It is, and making a move is the only way to break the stalemate.

For the first time in all Its memory, the Force unashamedly panics. (Non-sentient beings do not panic. Unencompassable, undefined, indefinable abstract concepts do not—cannot—panic, and yet nevertheless the Force does. Quite successfully, at that.) This cosmic angst will definitely send lesser beings into a tailspin, seeding minor conflicts among individuals which, frankly, It hasn’t the extent of empathy to care for. Not now, when acting in self defence.

(Though that’s usually a good reason to not fucking panic, even if you are an unencompassable abstract concept.)

Yet again the Force is reminded of just how much the Jedi forgot. The boy will not be trained, the Council says, as though the Council hadn’t heard the Force all but screaming in desperate vibrations in the very center of their sunset-flooded, mosaic-tiled chamber. Honestly, even the one called Jinn has a headache, or a week-long migraine really, and Jinn was not so long ago responsible for an equivalent of a migraine for the Force itself.

But Kenobi—for all his trust in the Council—Kenobi is interesting. Kenobi sees possibilities, potentials. It’s helpful, in a strange way, for someone else to view and understand them, and make choices based on the frankly overwhelming mass of possibilities where the Force does not permit itself to interfere. It should, now, It’s done so with Its own child, but Kenobi is one being of a select few who might be able to make the choice that will derail everything, given the chance and the right kind of hint.

Ultimately, though, over centuries—over millenia—there are still times when Choice is not enough.

But sometimes, and only sometimes, stubborn faith and a last-ditch desperate plea filled with all the belief that a soul can muster, can in fact hold more power than Choice.

Force, please, don’t let him die. Not like this. Not here.

Over the years, many a being has either joked or earnestly believed that the Force either laughed at them, or favoured them, or thought them idiots (which, to be fair, they mostly were). But on Naboo, feeling the tightening of the crucial strand in a well-laid web, the Force might actually have discovered the definition of ‘fuck it’. (Some argument could be made for the origin of Hsiss, but that was a highly stressful situation involving new ways of dealing with Darkness and Wellsprings, not a feeling of total impending doom.) If gravity had turned off in that generator complex, things might have actually seemed less weird. 

The Force reaches for the one who called for it, called for help, and embraces him, and—well. While the Force Itself cannot actually alter the passage or perception of time, as far as the Force is concerned, Time is not actually linear, but happening all at once. And while It cannot literally transplant Master, General Kenobi into the place of the Senior Padawan, It can at least give hints. After all, even the Padawan knows all the steps and the katas and forms. 

Kenobi’s eyes glow gold, like stars, and the Force is a near-tangible thing around him. There is anger in his movements, and there is the fierce, overwhelming desire to protect. He moves inhumanly fast, darts out of the way of Maul’s saberstaff. Ultimately, what breaks the Sith is the moment they make eye contact over crossed blades, and hold. 

In the end no one quite knows how to explain what actually happened. Maul ends up looking dazed on one side of the melting pit, pressing fingers carefully into his temples, and Jinn, relatively unscathed, slumps against the wall on the other. Obi-Wan stands guard at the ray shields, rather unnecessarily, glowing with light that has no physical source. Jinn’s thoughts on the matter are summed up in rather colourful language, for which Maul gives him an appreciative nod. Obi-Wan—or, perhaps, the Force—eyes the two of them, determines that they’re not about to kill each other any time soon, and collapses. 

Psychic exhaustion is a bitch, and the Force (regretfully) did not exactly account for that. Obi-Wan mostly sleeps, on and off, and more on than off, through the next week and a half. 

Maul spends that time trying to run off to kill his Master and being very steadily deterred by the Force through some very insistent hints, because no, that would be a Very Bad Idea. Eventually he does get the picture. He also gives the Order enough evidence to hang Palpatine-Sidious twice. It’s mildly upsetting that the Sith Master is slippery as a Dagobahn watersnake, but for once the Force doesn’t immediately regret interfering. 

The real problem with interfering in things is that once you start, you can’t actually stop, not really, not without a lot of serious problems and collateral damage; and the Force is utterly rubbish at accounting for collateral damage. But that’s a story for another time.