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rustedhearts · 2 days

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somebody told me (fratboy!steve harrington x fem!reader)

summary: steve has made it very clear that he doesn’t want you. but he doesn’t want anyone else to have you either.

uses she/her pronouns and female anatomy.

i want your things in my room (part one) the library record store

tags: angst, mean!steve, so much tension, yeah the football player is tim riggins in my mind and so what?! i literally wrote this months ago, enjoy <3

"heaven ain't close in a place like this"

— somebody told me, the killers

may 1st, 2009

“What the fuck are you doing here?”

It came hissed in the doorway between the second floor fraternity steps and the sticky wood paneled wall. Steve hovered above you, breath sour with beer and a new bottle dripping condensation through the hand dangling at his side. His eyes were slanted and directed down at your eyes watching him in surprise.

30 seconds ago, he cornered you against the wall after your swift trip to the bathroom. You caught eyes with him across the kitchen nearly an hour ago, and it took all this time of carefully scanning your movements when you weren’t looking for Steve to get you away from the junior you came with.

“What are you talking about?” you laughed. “It’s a party.”

“I didn’t invite you.”

You swallowed, trying not to let your good-natured grin drop. You were well aware that Steve didn’t invite you.

After he practically ran from your bedroom two weeks ago, things went radio silent between you and Steve. You texted, he didn’t answer. You called once, thought about leaving a voicemail, and spent a whole weekend crying when you realized: he didn’t want you. Someone who wants you doesn’t flee your room the way he did that night.

You were perfectly content wallowing in your idiocy for ever thinking Steve Harrington could have a special spot for you in his tiny, shriveled heart—until said junior you were attending tonight’s party with saw you at the dining hall.

You were studying late into the evening, sitting all alone at a table near the fireplace with your books sprawled out and your picked-at dinner in scraps. He came staggering in with a band of other men, all sweaty and half-dressed from practice. He was a linebacker on the football team, and he looked damn good easing into the chair across from you and making it squeak.

His name was Tim and he had a handsome smile, and a slow way of talking in this Texan drawl that had you blushing. For the ten minutes he sat and talked to you and asked you what you were so focused on, you forgot all about Steve.

You texted for a week, grabbed a few lunches and coffees together, and now here you were. At a frat party, invited not by Steve—but Tim.

“I know that,” you told Steve, pulling your arms up to fold them over your chest. Steve’s eyes flashed down to your breasts cupped under a black lace bra peeking through a red shirt.

“I came with Tim.”

Steve screwed up his nose, pulling back a little. “Tim? Tim who?”

Huffing, you pushed yourself off the wall and pressed Steve back by the shoulder. “Tim, Steve. Now, excuse me, but I’m gonna go find him—“

“No, hey.”

Steve snatched you by the elbow, causing you to fumble on the carpeting and narrowly miss someone heading up the steps. You gasped, stumbling into Steve still against the wall.

“Steve, what the hell?”

“‘m not done talkin’ to you.”

You glared at him, wrenching your arm away with force. “I don’t care.”

You rushed down the steps before he could speak again, head suddenly swollen with confusion, heart pounding hard in your chest. He hadn’t touched you in weeks. Hadn’t spoken to you, looked at you, so much as acknowledged you since the last time he was inside you.

All it took to get his attention was to finally attempt to move on? It was bullshit. It made your cheeks flame and your mouth line with sweetness that made your stomach coil. It wasn’t fair.

“Hey.” That soft Texan drawl called to you.

You raised your head from where you were glaring at the floor, softening when they found Tim’s green gaze. He grinned at you, still holding your red plastic cup from earlier. You retrieved it from him and allowed yourself to tuck into his side under the weight of his arm.

“You okay?”

“Yeah,” you told him. “Long bathroom line.”

Steve stepped into the fluorescents of the kitchen, weaving his way through bodies with wide, squared shoulders. He tossed a quick glance your way and shook his head as he made his way through the room. And what pissed you off most was the fact that he thought he had the right. The right to be upset, the right to think anything of you.

“Baby, you look so pretty in that lil’ top,” Tim said, tipping his chin down to you with a lopsided grin. He was a few beers in and loopy.

You grinned. “Do I?”

“Mhm. Real pretty—come gimme a kiss.”

You perked up on your toes to meet his mouth. His lips were always warm and soft and soaked in beer. Lord, college boys drank a lot. If you closed your eyes and forgot where you were, sometimes he even tasted like Steve.

But Tim always called you baby, and Tim always called you back. He walked you to class with your books in his arms and a hand on your waist, opened the door for you, and helped you into his truck when he took you for coffee.

And Steve? Steve acted like you didn’t exist if his dick wasn’t inside you.

Your tongue was just slipping past Tim’s teeth when you were torn apart by force. Tim stumbled aside, knocking you as he went and catching you quickly with a hand on your waist. Both your heads turned sharply toward the assailant.

Steve stood near the island where Tim had previously been, holding a bottle of beer and a look of nonchalance. His eyes glided from Tim’s look of surprise to your absolute glare.

“Sorry about that,” Steve said coolly. “Wasn’t watching where I was going.”

Tim resumed his spot beside you, and your body felt like it was vibrating against his. Every part of you was burning—and you couldn’t tell from what. Anger? Humiliation? Arousal? Maybe all three. You swallowed with difficulty and let Tim pull you in again. But your eyes never left Steve’s.

And his never widened from their slits. The ball of muscle near his jaw bone knotted when he clenched his teeth and it didn’t move.

“You okay, baby?” Tim’s attention was on you, and you looked away from Steve to smile at your date.

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m fine.”

The footballer had an easier lightness to him. Breezy, taking things with a grain of salt. He didn’t bother fighting Steve for his ‘mistake.’ He didn’t scold him for knocking you. He only smiled at you with a pair of pretty dimples and kissed the top of your head, arm bending around your shoulders.

“Wanna get outta here?”

Because he’d be going home with you. And it only took Tim a few moments to deduce that it was that fact alone that would drive Steve crazy. Even if you couldn’t.

You nodded, hand rubbing over his chest. You spared one more glance toward Steve, who had stepped away toward the other side of the kitchen with slow, slithering steps. He took a swig of his beer and clenched his teeth on the swallow.

“Yeah, let’s go.”

Tim held your hand on the way out, guiding you down the front steps and toward the street. Your arms swung over the pavement, and you almost felt compelled to check if Steve was watching. What the hell was wrong with you?

“So what was that?”

You peered up from the pavement to Tim’s green eyes. “What?”

He cocked his head back at the brightly-lit house dimming behind you. The music faded the further you went. He was still wearing that dimpled grin.

“Back there, with that guy.”

You inhaled, looking back toward your feet. It only took a few moments to decide that you didn’t want to lie.

“We…used to hookup. But it’s completely over, I swear.” You skirted to a stop, gathering Tim’s other hand and meeting his eye again. “He’s just being a dick about it.”

He snorted. “I sort of got that when he came from across the room to ram into me.”

A giggle burst from your mouth, but it drooped into a frown. “I’m sorry.”

Tim frowned, brows creasing. “For what? You don’t got nothin’ t’ be sorry for, pretty girl.”

The warmth pulsing in your chest you could certainly make sense of now. “Okay.”

He grinned again, dropping one of your hands to squeeze your chin affectionately. “Okay. Come on.”

You walked the rest of the way to your apartment with his heavy arm over your shoulders again. And Steve watched from the front seat of his car, knowing exactly where he was going as he peeled away from the curb.

✶ ✶

“Alright, goodnight, little lady.”

“Goodnight, Tim.”

Your voices were punctuated by the slam of a door. Quick footsteps followed, a rhythmic succession ascending the staircase. Over the creaky board on the other side of the door, then—

“What the fuck?”

It burst open to a streak of lamplight in your bedroom and one Steve Harrington shadowing it at the foot of your bed. He had your university football teddy bear in his hands. It was a gift from Tim and it had his number on the bear’s soft yellow t-shirt.

Steve leapt to his feet. “What are you doing?”

You couldn’t seem to close your mouth. It hung open as you watched Steve raise his brows and jerk his chin expectantly. He tossed his arms out on either side.

“Huh?”

You came to your senses with a hard blink. “What am I doing? What the hell are you doing? How did you get in here?”

“Same way I always get in,” he quipped.

Heat touched your cheeks as you stepped into the room and gently clamped the door shut. You snatched the teddy bear from his hand and placed it back on your desk silently. Your purse fell to the floor where you were standing.

“You didn’t answer me. What the fuck are you doing?”

“Is this about the party or Tim?” You kicked your shoes off one by one, keeping your back to Steve and his stupidly pretty face.

You had such a soft spot for pretty boys, it seemed.

“You know what? Both.”

“Okay,” you sighed, pulling the first layer of your outfit off. Steve’s eyes scanned the lace of your tank top as red fabric made its way toward the hamper. “Tim and I are seeing each other. Tim wanted to go to the party, which happened to be at your frat—alas, there we were.”

The mattress springs yipped when you bounced on the edge to pull a clean pair of socks on. You wanted to strip your jeans, too, but you didn’t want to give Steve any ideas. He was already standing there with his arms crossed and his biceps and chest all puffed and sculpted. He already had that handsome pink tinge to his cheeks: his beer blush.

“Well, it’s weird,” Steve stated.

You rolled your eyes, exhaling a snicker. “Okay, Steve. Can you leave now? I’m tired.”

Steve tapped his finger on his arm, watching you shift on the bed and feign exhaustion. He chewed his cheek for a minute before reaching for his hair.

“Well…you know I missed you, right, sweetheart?”

He dropped his hands and softened his eyes into that soft, puppy-dog pout. Your scoff was sharp and sliced through the room. Steve stepped toward the bed.

“Right.”

“No, really,” he urged, sinking into the mattress before you. “You know I was just made president, and I just got super busy, that’s all. I meant to call you.”

You tipped your head at him and stared directly into those faux-pleading hazels. "How come everything you say to me sounds like a line, Steve?"

Steve sat unblinking for a moment. Then his cheeks colored a rosy shade, and he covered it with a cruel scoff and another sweep of his hair.

"What? Come on, you-you know I like you."

You pushed off the bed, head shaking. That warmth was slowly but surely returning to your body in violent form. You pulled your hair off your neck and padded toward the window to open it. Your room already smelled too much like Steve.

"You like playing with me," you corrected, keeping your back to him even as the mattress shrieked with his freed weight.

"You know, you're such a bitch-"

You spun around, shoving him by the chest. Steve stumbled a step back, but the smirk on his face made you regret even touching him at all.

"Get out."

"Hell no," he bit, lunging back into place. He grabbed at your arm again. "You think Tim wants you either? You think he doesn't just like playing with you? You always gave it up so easy."

Tears bubbled in the edges of your eyes. A tingling burn settled in the bridge of your nose. You shoved at him again and angled your head away from him and his sneering scowl and beer breath.

"Fuck you, Steve."

“You’re trying to replace me? Hmm?” Steve cocked his head to meet your eye, and you wished you could will away the hot tear trickling down your cheek. “That’s fine, sweetheart. I’ve got ten of you in my pocket.”

He shoved your arm away with a scowl, and you sniffled as he headed toward the door. All the hot-headed, enraged words pulsing on your tongue shriveled and died—and they were replaced with a hurt and heartbreak that was so familiar it was almost comfortable.

Yet as he opened your bedroom door, you rubbed your arm where he had held you and sniffled.

“Stay away from me, Steve.”

Door in hand, Steve turned and scoffed at you. “No problem.”

✶ ✶

You spent the next hour crying between makeup wipes and playing your radio on low. Pulled a faded grey t-shirt from your pajama drawer and tried not to look at Steve’s face rumpled at the bottom on a white t-shirt. Why hadn’t you thrown it away? He was so hard to let go.

With the football bear cradled to your chest, you wiggled under the covers and reached for the lamp. Your phone buzzed consecutively on the nightstand, causing pause. The plastic clicked on its hinges as it flipped open, and the sheets rustled when you shot up in bed.

u up?

tim is a fckn l0ser

answer

i’m sorry

The first time he called, you didn’t answer. You watched the small square light up with his name, felt the plastic shake in your palm with the force of its ring.

answer

Another call. You pressed the green button, but waited.

“Hello? Hey-hello?” His faded voice brought you from your daze.

You pressed the phone to your ear. “Hello?”

“Jesus, do you not read your texts?”

“Wh-what…why are you calling me?” Disbelief colored every syllable from your mouth.

Steve huffed. “I just…how much do you really know about this Tim guy?”

You looked at the bear sitting on your lap against the sheets. “About as much as I know about you, Steve.”

The line buzzed with quiet for a while. You played with the hem of the teddy bear’s shirt and gnawed on your lip. An ache balled in your chest when the thought of him hanging up occurred to you.

“Fair,” he said quietly.

Sighing, you shimmied under the covers again and reclined back against the headboard.

“Why are you calling me, Steve?” This time it was softer. You couldn’t give in to him anymore, but you had to hear him out. He never called you like this.

He never acted like he cared until now.

“Just…don’t wanna see you get hurt.”

You scoffed, pressing your palm against your head. Despite the way your heart pulsed with excitement, and the way your nerves locked up at the thought—you knew Steve didn’t mean any of it. He was just jealous. He wanted you as his personal plaything and he didn’t like to share.

You couldn’t swallow it anymore. You couldn’t keep biting your tongue to stay the perfect toy in hopes he might see you as more.

You had to end it.

“You already took care of that, Steve.”

You reveled in the buzzing silence of the other line for a beat.

“Goodnight,” you told him.

And you hung up the phone.

#rolly!#fratboy!steve harrington #steve harrington #steve harrington fanfic #steve harrington x you #steve harrington fic #steve harrington x reader #steve harrington fanfiction #steve harrington x fem!reader #steve harrington blurb #steve harrington angst

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snowball-doie · 5 hours

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୨୧ Making sub!Jeno squirt ୨୧

| pairing: sub!Jeno x Dom!gn!Reader

| warnings: 18+ MDNI. NSFW link. Public play. Exhibitionism kink. Intoxicated while performing consensual sexual acts. Jerking off. Male squirting. Nicknames (Reader calls Jeno "puppy").

| wc: 1.3k

| aurora's note: My cute lil birthday week post for my first NCT moot @hisunflower

When Jeno introduced the idea of going to the club together, you thought it was a bit silly, but you inevitably gave in. He had fun messing with you on the dance floor. He'd bring over a drink for you to sip on while he was up behind you, one hand on your hip to keep you close to him while he grinded his growing erection against your ass, slowly grunting in your ear, humming along to the music. He knew better than to get himself off without permission. But the alcohol was impeding his ability to remember simple rules, like no touching you without permission, no getting himself off without permission, and no cumming without permission. Good news for him was that he hadn't yet gotten to the last part, and you were entertained by the second part because of his pathetic humping and moaning, so you let him continue to guide your hips to the beat of the music while you giggled and reached up with your free hand to play with his long hair.

"Can I cum?" he whispered in your ear at the height of the next song.

"No," you replied coolly.

Jeno whined and moved his hips away from yours to halt the friction that was urging him towards his orgasm. Another two songs passed. They went by quickly for you, but for Jeno behind you, it seemed that he was being tortured between wanting to touch you and not wanting to disobey you by accident. When your drink was done, you passed the empty glass to Jeno.

You spun around, flinging your arms around his neck. "Find a place for those, then meet me in the bathroom in three minutes. Knock four times."

Jeno's cheeks were red and his eyes were dark with lust. He nodded like a lost puppy as you nodded then quickly escaped his arms, walking towards the bathroom while swimming upstream through the crowd of other clubbers.

In the bathroom, you locked the door behind you so that no one would bother you, then you waited. Patiently. Three minutes later, there were four cautious knocks on the door, and while you let him second guess himself for another few seconds, before you relieved his stress by opening the door and pulling him inside. Jeno immediately began kissing you-- He'd already broken the rule on the dance floor, he didn't give two fucks anymore. He just wanted you. However, he relinquished his power to you so that you could push him up against the counter, fidgeting with the belt around his waist, unbuckling it quickly then undoing his jeans before pushing them down with his underwear. Jeno moaned into your mouth as your hand accidentally ghosted over his straining erection on its way to take off his shirt so that you could admire his abs while you finally got to use him. Jeno took the hem of his black shirt in his mouth when you held it up for him. Once he was settled on the counter, his hands propping him upright, his shirt dangling from his mouth, you finally touched him for real, no teasing or accidentally touching him. You took his cock in your hand and vigorously began jerking him off. Jeno tensed. He moaned against his shirt and wrapped his ankles around one of your legs. His cock was naturally big, but when it was hard, he somehow managed to get even bigger… That made your task somewhat of a struggle. Your hand barely fit around his girth, and while pumping the entirety of his long length, you found that the alcohol made your arm feel tired early on— But you pushed through for him. The way his face scrunched with pleasure was just too cute to resist. You wanted to see him cum for you finally after getting himself all worked up in public… And now he was sitting on a public bathroom counter, his body exposed, and—

“I forgot to lock the door,” you told him. Jeno’s abs contracted while he panted into the fabric of his t-shirt. “Someone could walk in on us at any second, find you naked, whimpering, ready to cum for me.” He threw his head back as he let out a lewd moan. “Maybe they’ll be lucky enough to catch you cumming.”

He whimpered, his eyes pleading with you for something— Maybe it was that he was close, or that he wanted you to stop to check the door, or that he secretly wished that your fantasy would become a reality. Whatever it was that made him look so pathetic, you grinned in return.

Within the next few seconds, Jeno dropped the t-shirt from his mouth to pant, “C-Can I… c-c-cum? Please—“ Poor thing couldn’t even think straight, his tongue lolled out as he continued like your good little puppy. How could you deny that?

“Cum, puppy.”

Jeno’s fit body squirmed against the bathroom counter as he came on his thighs and ripped chest. His orgasm came and went fast, however you refused to stop jerking him off, which in turn earned you the most beautiful whimpers and pleas you could have ever imagined from such a buff man— The same buff man who followed you around like a dog and begged for your attention at all times like one too. Jeno cursed under his ragged breath as he began squirting. He made a mess of his cum-stained body, and your hand that still continued to torture him with blissful overstimulation, and he even got some on the counter and the floor tiles too. You felt him softening in your hand but that didn’t deter you. The more his body jerked and he begged you to stop, the more inclined you were to keep going. His abs strained as the rest of his body gave out.

“I can’t—” he said with a dumbed-out hiccup.

Finally, you took some pity on him, your hand winding down slowly until it came to a complete stop. There was nothing else to milk from him. Not while both of you were drunk and exhausted.

“T-t-the door.”

“I locked it when you came in.”

Jeno’s head slumped against the mirror behind him. “I hate you.”

“It made you cum pretty hard, though. You’re welcome.”

His big cock rested against his wet stomach. “How are we gonna get out of here?”

You started pulling paper towels out of the dispenser. “Maybe I should open the door and let people get a good look at you. Covered in cum… Tongue hanging out of your mouth like a puppy… Your body on display like a Greek God.”

Jeno blushed.

He sat still, likely from the exhaustion and the alcohol making him dizzy, while you cleaned him up with the shitty paper towels the club had on-hand. You only planned on cleaning as much as you could before you could get home and put him into the shower. It was rare for Jeno to make a mess… To squirt. The first time he did, he freaked out, trying to run and hide out of embarrassment, but after he learned you found it hot, Jeno never stopped wishing for the next time his body would let him do it for you. Usually when he had been drinking a lot of water throughout the day, especially after working out, or when the two of you were drinking, was when he’d let go like that. Part of you honestly hadn’t expected him to do so in a public bathroom… Then again, desperate Jeno would do anything for you.

“This place smelled like piss long before you,” you told him in an attempt to ease his nerves as you helped him put his clothes back on and stand up. “Let’s get out of here.” You grabbed his chiseled chin and brought him in for another passionate kiss. “I’m not quite done with you yet.”

#op #jeno #fanfic #link #nct #nct dream #jeno fanfic #jeno smut #nct fanfic #nct smut #nct dream fanfic #nct dream smut

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moregraceful · 29 days

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max and i are closing in on launching [redacted sports rpf charity fest] and i am once again pondering how do i write "experience with writing form emails and manipulating google forms in ways no one has dreamed of" in a cover letter without saying "i did it for the rpf grind"...like there's no way unless everyone in this microsoft teams meeting gets really cool about a bunch of stuff really quickly. you know

#IT LITERALLY CAME UP WHILE I WAS WRITING A COVER LETTER A COUPLE WEEKS AGO #AND IT WAS SUCH A BAD COVER LETTER BC IT WAS LIKE. I CAN DO THIS. I CAN BE A VIRTUAL PROGRAMMING MANAGER #I JUST CAN'T EXPLAIN HOW I CAME BY THESE SKILLS!!!!#i did not get an interview lmao. but we stay silly #like how do u frame ''community organizer'' when you're organizing. people on the internet to create rpf fanworks. for charity #lmaooooo oh well #me and max locking down our timeline last night and i'm like 😶 the thing i have wanted to do for years is finally happening #the universe tried to smite us multiple times in multiple ways. but we persisted. and it is happening!!!#last night i had to go to the grocery store at 9pm wearing short-shorts and an oversized t-shirt bc i was really like #if i don't get a coke in me right the fuck now i am going to end it all #procured coca-cola. drank it in the parking lot. recovered instantly. got on here and started posting #went to monday night service. last one bc after this week it'll be too late at night in est :(#it was such a nice global community to be apart of. people in 5 countries on four continents showed up almost every week!#not to be christian on main. but i love working with ecumenical organizations because i meet people all over the world #who have different ways of doing church and different interpretations of scripture and different takes on faith #and i always learn so much from people! good and bad lol sometimes it's like wow i will NOT be integrating that into my worldview #yo just under one week until i move 😵‍💫 i decided i am packing one (1) more box and then saying fuck it we ball #whatever i forgot has to go in the car. i cannot let myself be owned by cardboard boxes any longer #and soon. freedom. new start. new beginnings. someone said ''i hope you look at this as a time of new growth and unfolding'' to me #and i went man. i think i am #like the pine trees that reseed after a forest fire #fresno oilers.txt

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skrunksthatwunk · 20 days

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unfortunately i have found myself mildly captivated by a fancy caffeinated drink. this is bad bc I've avoided coffee all this time and now im being defeated. by $6 cold brew shake orz

#it's nice though #not I NEED THIS ALL THE TIME nice but nice for sure #save me $6 cold brew shake at library coffee shop save me #and my range of food's been limited by my go-outside-as-little-as-possible strat (<- exposed to covid) so a little variety is good #(i also got food im not counting this as like. dinner)#truthfully im reaching the point where i would probably be showing symptoms if i had it (unless asymptomatic)#im still being careful but i think i'll go get tested on friday or smth and that way i can actually know for sure #so i can start making the most of my meal plan. slamming shitty shitty cafeteria food #now that they'll actually LET me bc they cancelled it w/o telling me last week #and then this week i haven't been eating in public bc yk. mask #oh but side note the only reason i got this was bc i went to the library to get some work done and forgot my laptop charger #she was at like 20% so i was like sigh fml etc im going back. and im getting a sandwich. and then we'll try again #currently considering not trying again and sleeping this off instead #the library's open for another like 9 hours it'll be fineeee #anyway :p

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catboydan · 2 months

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fiance got me a kindle for my birthday <3

#val comes out of hiding #with a case and a grip strap (that interferes a little with the case but i'm making it work lol)#it'll be great for my arthritic sad poor hands lmao #and i can download ebooks to it! including fic <3 #so like i have backup copies of my bookmarks and i threw them all on there #and threw one I planned to read on there too which i rb'd a few mins ago #it's great because we tend to be into those huge fantasy novels that I 0% can hold and take up a shit ton of space #like bringing brando sando books with me while traveling has been a PAIN lmao #now all i need is a battery pack to make sure it doesn't die. which is its own downside of course #and it means I can pirate so many ebooks. my god so many.#anyway to start with i think i'm gonna go back thru and re-read all my bookmarked fics i haven't read in a while #i'm quite stingy about bookmarks so they're all good (tho i have a soft spot for fluff in hindsight lol)#maybe i'll make a detailed rec post when i'm done?#in regards to fic too though I need to reach out to someone and say sorry for not being a very responsible beta.you know who you are.sorry:#but tangentially related; last night I had one of those core memory moments #it was bed time and fiance was snoozing half-asleep and i was reading fic on the kindle which works great in the dark btw. so dim #and i got up maybe 3 times in 30 mins or so go to the bathroom; get shit i forgot in the other room; etc etc #he's a light sleeper so he tends to wake up a lil #at some point he swapped our body pillows. i have no idea which time i got up it was. i didn't even notice for so long #i use a regular pillow and he has a longer actual body pillow so it was very obvious in hindsight #he loves to mess with me like that. little things make me laugh etc. and in the moment i realised i was just so happy #i'm here in this comfy bed with the man i love reading great fic with the gift he just got me and he's half-asleep and still trying to make #me laugh. and i laugh and laugh and laugh for like 5 mins because i'm so unobservant i didn't even notice it's not my pillow #and not even in a mean way. he loves that about me because he loves me. and he is just so good. so good.#and i was reading a fic about finding someone in any world. i would find him in any world. i would #and i just said 'i love you' and he cuddled into me and went to sleep.#<33333333333333333

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pupkou · 3 months

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i’m literally going to **** ******

#i’ve been without T for a month or so because my doctor forgot to prescribe it again when my last prescription period was over bc she could #only prescribe it a year at a time. so i went in to do bloodwork because ive been having health problems like getting a light period and #PMDD a year and a half into being on T and it happened to be when she was supposed to represcribe which iwas like ok nice!#but she forgot to represcribe it so I was 2 weeks without it before I realized that hmm something probably happened #so I called her and she fixed it. then the pharmacy told me that they're out of stock. so I called them to find out when it'd be in stock.#then they said it's in stock but she prescribed me the 10mL bottle when my insurance doesn't cover that. so I called her again to fix that.#and she said that she didn't prescribe me that because why would she when my shots aren't even close to 1 mL? so I called the pharmacy #and they said yeah idk who said that it's wrong. your T will be ready later today. I go to pick it up and quite literally the moment I pull #up to the window the pharmacists pull down the shade that says they're closed on lunch. so ive had horrible mental health and physical symp #oms for the past month because I've been without t right? so I thought okay when I come back home from moving out of my apt #because my pharmacy is in my hometown; then ill get my T. and then once I get my T I can start my new medication because I want my levels t #stabilize before we introduce something new into the ecosystem. and im cleaning my apartment today and going through bags and shit and lo a #behold? there are four fucking boxes of T sitting in a bag in my closet JUST LIKE I THOUGHT! I JUST COULD NOT FIND THEM so ive been going #through hell for fucking nothing. for literally nothing. and I was like oh my god okay I have my T I should go and pick up my new medicatio #and I go to get my shoes on and look at the clock and it's 5:01. they close at 5.#and I have my appointment with my psychiatrist on Wednesday where shes going to ask me how it's been starting my medication and im going to #have to tell her I havent started and im not better at all and im so new to her im nervous what she will say. sorry for being crazy. im not #good at this or medication. sorry. do you want me to kill myself ill do it in front of you if that would help. AUGHHHHGHHGHGHHHHHHHHHHGGHGH #NONE OF THIS HAD TO HAPPEN. I JUST HAVE SO MUCH SHIT IN MY APARTMENT BECAUSE ITS SO SMALL THAT I COULD NOT FIND PRESCRIPTION MEDICATION #I HATE IT HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LET ME OUTTTTTT (in my brain)

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lightfulonion · 6 months

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thank you @skijjiki for tagging me!!!! i love these types of tagging games so much!!

last song: Tokyo Calling by ATARASHII GAKKO! (pls watch the music video. its so good 😭) im kind of, sort of, obsessed with this and i have been listening to it non-stop like my life depends on it. anyway

youtube

fav color: hmm im really feeling brown right now (wow! that sounds awful! im not changing my answer tho. brown rules.)

currently reading: im able to read only fanfics at the moment because anything that involves a book and new characters feels like too much work for me for some reason and also like im cheating at my classes in university. both of these suck big butt and i hate being like this but it's true. anyway please read a million times along the way by starsqwub. its a bokuaka fic, it hasnt updated since 2022 and it made me cry every chapter. its about love, its about friends, its about being a weird person in a normal world and, more importantly, its about bokuto and akaashi. oh! also manga like chainsaw man and toilet bound hanako-kun!! and some webcomics as well too.

currently watching: the wall mostly but also dungeon meshi! and ive been trying to be up-to-date with the one piece anime!!

spicy/savory/sweet: sweet <3

relationship status: i was reading a bokuaka fic and i was crying. take a wild guess.

current obsessions: listening to Tokyo Calling and ATARASHII GAKKO! apparently and im starting to feel like reading the ending of Haikyuu!! which is probably a bad thing?? (im scared. i really dont want it to end :'((( )

tagging: @livingonyoghurtandspite, @horson, @clementinethekitten, @pierogish, @alcieside, @mars-matrix, @peachybeesplease, @mangatxt.

#get tagged #guys. we get (got?) the movie this year. really scared to ask whats next.#i had goofy funny things to share but i forgot them while writing this im sorry u_u #i went home to my mom for a few days and i had 'the end of the beginning' by djo stuck in my head the whole time #and i visited my friends from high school and im kinda sad about the years passing. a quiet kind of sad but sad nonetheless.#like 'my childhood room is too small for me now' kind of sad and nostalgic #i have many things in my brain that are rolling around like pointy rocks and i need to get them out somehow without hurting myself #anyway #pretend i said something really funny and truly profound here instead of. whatever that is.#also i have listened to ATARASHII GAKKO!'s whole discography and its really really good #and i STILL havent been able to read bnha!! :((#i havent been able to be up-to-date with chainsaw man or toilet bound hanako kun and i also NEED to read dungeon meshi AND haikyuu and-#i really love dungeon meshi so far. its so good and i got so excited on the last episode when they put falin's bones in order. that was #so cool. and the bath scene............ yeah.#if you dont want to do this guys is okay btw. im always saying this but i do need you to know because i feel anxious when i dont do them bu #also when i dont tag people. i dont want you to feel like that.#onion talks #ok thats all! bye bye!! hope you have a nice day!!!!!#Youtube

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seilon · 1 year

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so the antihistamine i took yesterday was not an antihistamine but, in fact, off-brand paxil from mexico. so. that explains a lot

#sjhgfhgjdhdjhgfhsj #im assuming it interacted with my welbutrin and thats what's made me so fucking Sick #im honestly amused more than anything though hgdjfghdfjh this is so stupid #i had the intuitive sense to Not take my welbutrin today just in case and i think that was a good call #basically my mom couldnt get her meds in time for the cruise she went on and so she had to get some while in mexico after the cruise starte #and she forgot to take them out of the allergy meds box she was keeping them in just to not lose them and whatnot #so. yeah #tbh it probably wouldnt have been an issue cause ive taken SSRIs before (lexapro) and theyve never bothered me like this #but whatever the hell is up with welbutrin. the finnicky little bitch it is. i think did not mix well with paxil. or with paxil And adderal #at the same time #plus some ibuprofen and excedrin in there for good measure. and caffeine from coffee. and. yeah. unintentional bad drug cocktail #anyway im feeling... a little better now i think. at least better than last night when my whole body was shaking and my teeth were clamped #painfully shut because otherwise theyd chatter violently and all the muscles in my neck were strained and my vision was wonky and #my stomach was upside down and i was trying not to throw up through waves of nausea and so on and so on. fun stuff #now im just sorta shaky and a little lightheaded and my stomach is still......meh...... but not nearly as bad as yesterday #kibumblabs

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hauntingblue · 14 days

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Skypiea time

Robin saying that because I know she only got on a ship to then leave it...

Nami sees Conis and gets sanji out of there so SHE can talk to her akdhksajka not a single second lost

Hello my favourite panel of nami maybe ever

Sillies...

CHOPPER YOU ARE THE CUTEST

Robin throws this guy off a cliff and to make just to make sure she breaks his neck too akdjsksk who is doing it like her???

OMG ACE!!!! IT IS TIME!!!!

#luffy being jealous of nami handling the waver.... sibling behaviour #so many robin chopper moments my god... and zoro still mistrusting here... the coparenting of chopper is just beggining #already needing a ship carpenter damn..... franky i miss you #robin saying to nami she is brave for jumping off the ship and then telling chopper to please be careful.... yeah.... 🥺#luffy saying that they will fall off the island if they take the wrong door and they immediately fall qldjsonwlssls #and luffy just says that was all usopp! we failed! and it is not shown but i know he is smiling #i have gotten used to seeing luffy with his shirt open and the x scar i got surprised when i realized he doesnt have it yet.... oof #the priests having “mantra” aka haki is so op for the second island like damn.. and they got BEAT.... losers #the city of gold aka vearth aka part of jaya went into the sky 400 years ago ✍️✍️#robin wanting to stop the campfire so they dont give away their position... she doesn't need to hide anymore!!! party time #life's 36 agonies... zoro is so deep when he wants to... also first pondo hou attack... why against thus random man tho akdjsksl #shandora fell 800 years ago ✍️✍️#laki.... and wiper ... this hit so much harder in the show tho.... my bad... maybe they put some flashbacks in here instead of wherever els #wait wait.... shandia fell 800 years ago when the world gov was formed and robin just found a poneglyph that says they went to wat with the #enemy... so the shandians were enemies to the world gov i am sure of it... like the d clan and probably the ryugu kingdom and wano too #this shit is so interesting like there must be a reason roger came there last and with oden to read the poneglyphs AND LEAVE A MESSAGE #having robin and zoro fighting enel right now is so good man.... zoro learning to trust her since he has issues with her since the start...#i dont think there has been a villain that has been more scary than enel... they were terrified about his powers... apart from sabaody #never getting over nami being the one to witness the horrors this arc and then volunteering to go woth enel.. paralel to her with arlong to #where did conis get a bazooka 😭😭 i mean slay wait why does she want to off herself by proxy of enel... they hated jesus too conis its okay #ace wearing red in the cover story.... idk where im going with this it is his color... not taking luffys yellow with him for the search?#SANJI HOLDING USOPPS HAND SLEEPING IS ALSO ANIME ONLY??? AJDJAJAK NOOOOOO they keep putting in the homoeroticism #usopp and nami fighting enel is so funny this is something else.... hag reunion 🫂 hag struggle 🫂 and sanji stepping in at the end... 👌🏻#the girl they are about to sacrifice looks like laki and she is karugaras daughter and then wyper is his descendant.... i see #oh here starts the love story central to the story.... truly i forgot karugara had a wife and a child... i see why #WHAT DOES HE MEAN BY FOUR CORNERS OF THE WORLD?? KARUGARA EXPLAIN #christ.... just the pages of textless panels about karugara and noland having fun together.... its enough to make a grown (wo)man cry #noland just laying on his side on a rock thinking about karugara you cant make this shit up #“the bell will always sound for you” while crying and sobbing.... are you kidding me... and then they can't come back 😭😭😭😭#reading one piece

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bluinary · 4 months

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Silly vents about recent events

#so i went to a drag show last night for the 1st time in a long while #and forgot that front row seats give unspoken license to be read to filth #one guy got called a serial killer. another called out for taking a shit and implied she didnt wash her hands. many couples were laughed at #it came to my turn and the queen goes 'where do i know you from? were you the one who fingered me last night?'#without thinking i laughed and said 'bitch i might be' and she wheeled back with a 'BITCH!' while laughing. punctuated with a #'i dont know you get out of my pussy'#i was so relieved #watching everyone get read to filth had my autism shaking in its boots ngl #i know its all for fun but i also know how my brain is #anyway #i got like 3 compliments on my outfit. one of which wasnt even at the club just a lesbian hitting on me at the grocery store omw there :)#and when I went to denny's after to sober up two girls said i didnt look like i was from our city [as a compliment they clarified]#and the hostess kept calling me pretty :)#it felt nice. sort of cancelled out me having to go out alone.#i hope my beach trip tomorrow is like that.#and a group of men stared me down at dennys but left me alone ultimately.#the waitress even said she was worried theyd bother me but then another says 'nah she look independent enough.'#it was a good feeling...to be percieved how i wanted to.

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toyotacorrola · 6 months

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want to rewatch fm.a soo bad but im missing the 8th dvd ☹️☹️

#thinking c0s thoughs auuugh it's so goooood #but i dont want to jst watch the movie again before watching the series bc i wont want to rewatch it after #but i want to get the full story..#i waited like half a year yo watch the movie after finishing it the first time and forgot like everything lol #n i wasnt rly paying attention all thru the last half..#want to rewatch bh from a diff perspective too #bc i feel like ik where they went wrong w the social commentary aspect abstractly #but i feel like i cldnt speak intelligently on it as it stands..#i miss u lust.......... she was so good...... noa......... rose......#03 women... save me... 03 women save me 03 women #if anyone knows any good sites....... :((((#txt

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chucklechampion · 6 months

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ah heem heem......

#literally my boss called me into her office and was like 'if you have anything to say tell me now'#'if we start the investigation and find anything we have to fire you'#and i was like 'you know me. you know that i have never taken anything and never paid for it.'#ive taken stuff and paid for it later that day or the next day #but NEVER?? no #i love this stupid job why would i steal from it #and in her defense she did say that there was no bad blood and we were okay #but like that means that if she sees something weird its like 'nothing personal youre fired'#i literally know she WONT fiind anything weird. thats the point. i didnt do anything #but it makes me feel suspicious and that me saying i didnt do anything is an admission of uilt #guilt #aand the more upset and nervous i get the less believable i seem #which makes me MORE UPSET AND NERVOUS #and i told a coworker about it and they really were acting like i did it #like BITCH IVE KNOWN YOU FOR YEARS YOU THINK I DID IT???#have i stolen before?? did i used to steal all the time and just dont remember???#what if i took something once and was like 'yeah i'll pay for it later tonight' and forgot and now its gonna cost me my job #because heres the thing #that VERY WELL couldve happened #my adhd is a fucking bad i very well couldve done that #she picked the perfect time to accuse me of this to retaliate too #last month we lost a lot of money at our snack market #which indicates a lot of theft #and i live here so it'd be easy for me to do #that doesnt mean i did it tho #god this is so upsetting #and this is gonna be a no news is good news situation bc i dont imagine they'll call me in and be like #'we went over months of footage and you have been found NOT guilty! :D'#like no if they dont find anything they'll just never bring it up again #but like that means im gonna be waiting for the other shoe to drop for the rest of the time im working here

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dragons-and-yellow-roses · 9 months

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#been super creative lately. and its not because of the new year. i know that cuz i forgot it was a new year #but like in the last month ive taken up knitting again #and i learned a bunch of new tecniques and tried new projects #ive been reading more. like i went from almost never reading to reading back to back books #and today i was struck by a shit ton of inspiration and motivation for my clipboard project #(clipboard project: i work at a summer camp. clipboards are useful there. im painting a special one for every area director. office member.#and my own area staff)#i brainstormed good ideas to paint on each of them and reached out to friends of people if i ciuldnt think of something #i have a decent list. and I'm planning on starting to paint them tonight #im really excited for some of them. theres one area director. of the nature area #he loves fish and fishing and is incredibly knowledgeable about it #im going to paint common fishes of our camp's lake in the style of an educational poster. yknow the cream colored ones #yknow. do you see the vision? its a good vision #im so excited. and im getting off of work early so i have even more time to paint #i just need to build my desk chair so i can paint at my desk #im having a great time despite the fact that my parents are visiting and i have to spend all day tomorrow with them #edit: i just realized all of this motivation happened when i started taking my meds again #crazy. i felt less mentally ill once i started taking the anti-mental illness pills

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fingertipsmp3 · 11 months

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I’m not even gonna lie, my grief over Mabel is making me insane

#every time i remember she’s not here i hear this roaring in my ears and i just break down and cry #i keep trying to pretend she’s just asleep in the other room but it’s not working #looking at pictures of her just makes me cry. the people who will be cremating her are going to take a clipping of fur and a pawprint from #her for me but i don’t know what i’m going to do with those things. like where i’ll put them #i know once i’m a bit more emotionally stable i’ll regret not having them. i wish i had some of kim’s fur. i forgot the feel of his fur so #quickly and i always struggled with that. but i also know that having pieces of mabel won’t comfort me in the slightest right now because i #just want her back and i feel so so so guilty even though i know it was her time #she’d gone so senile that she had a panic attack every time she went on a walk. it could last up to an hour. she was restless; refusing to #nap & barely able to sleep. she was riddled with arthritis to the point you could only touch her head; paws & maybe her chest #she bit if you tried to clean her or have her wear anything or sometimes if you put her lead on her. she never used to do that. that was a #new development that started in about june-july after she had two strokes. her little heart was racing and she was panting all the time f #she also had this growth in her mouth that may or may not have been infected or cancerous and she wasn’t letting us examine it. we wouldn’t #have been able to adminster treatment either because she’d bite and thrash if we tried to look in her mouth #but she was still eating and drinking okay… drinking too much if anything. and she was more or less continent. and she would have some lucid #moments where she was wagging her tail at us and requesting pets. she could get in and out of the house no problem #it was just quality of life because i knew she was in pain & her brain and heart were both shutting down and she wasn’t able to enjoy stuff #like walks that she used to love. and i knew she wouldn’t survive this winter because she haaaated the cold #but i still feel guilty because i know she could probably have lived another month. but it’s also like. how much would that month of life #have stressed her out? she’d already forgotten lots of people like my stepdad; my grandparents; my best friend and her kid. if she’d have #forgotten me and/or the house she would’ve been scared all the time and i never wanted that for her. i wanted her to have a good last couple #of days. and i think she did but there’s part of me that still feels so guilty and wishes she was still here #even if she was just eating and drinking and sleeping. even if she stopped letting me pet her. but then i know i’d have been keeping her #around for me. i feel like i ended her suffering but i also potentially robbed her of some happy moments #i just can’t get over the guilt of leaving her on that floor by herself. i sat there for ages waiting for someone to carry her out but then #i realised they were waiting for me to leave so i just walked out and it felt so wrong. she would have hated that she went to sleep on a #cold hard floor. she didn’t even lie on the floor voluntarily. she slept on the dining room couch or in her bed #i can’t stop crying whenever i think of it. i feel like shit and i don’t know how to move on #i put all her things in the garage to be sorted out when i’m less upset. apart from her collar and her blankets #i put her collar around one of the stair bannisters and i gave her blankets to my friend for her dog #i don’t know what i’ll do when she comes back to me in an urn. scream and cry and throw up probably

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zosanbrainrot · 3 months

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PART 4!!

01 02 03 04 05 06

I stg I'm kicking yall in the shins one last time, we're ALMOST done with the angst!

Let me tell you I had this finished(!) twice(!), but no, I had to go back and change it lmao

In my first go the fight scene was much more rough, it was hard for me to draw from the beginning, I'm not really good at this sort of thing. So I took a little break from the comic and when I got back to drawing the last two panels (static ch close ups) they turned out so GOOD and CRISP! I just had to go back and redraw the previous ones. Didn't change the composition back then, just made the drawings less sketchy and fixed minor mistakes. This panel in particular went through bigger fixes, I couldn't get the pose right:

I emphasized the arch in Zoro's back so it's more clear he's hunched over, the head is lower, and the hand on his stomach wasn't looking good, so I switched its direction and I feel it looks more natural now. The whole pose is shifted to the side now, whereas in the previous ones it was more straight up, but I wasn't conveying perspective well.

So after that I had it all exported, loaded into drafts and as I scroll it on my phone I'm like... There should be one more panel where Zoro's getting kicked : | Imma need to change it AGAIN.......

It just didn't flow well. I work on the comic in chunks so I haven't put these panels together before, I always saw them side by side in my main file.

I just didn't like how you go from Zoro getting kicked to him being thrown, it just felt disjointed to me.

So first I looked through the three sole volumes of BNHA that I have at home to maybe understand drawing fight scenes just a little bit better. That's how I got to the new version of Zoro getting kicked so there's more lines showing movement etc. but most importantly you have the kick and Zoro's reaction separate. So now Zoro's face has a bigger closeup, you can see his open eye.

In the previous version it was more distant, the closeup wasn't as big and you couldn't see his expression well. With just the side view you could only see he's in pain but nothing more than that,whereas when you have a full view of his face you can get much more from that. You see where he's looking, you know he's looking at Sanji when he kicks him in the guts.

I guess that's why, in the first version, I was trying to still show his face where he's being thrown off of Sanji bcs I felt the side profile wasn't doing it's job, but at the same time it felt off, like there was less force in the kick bcs his head wasn't following the movement idk. Also he was def too big in the frame. So now Zoro's smaller to emphasize the perspective more, the head is down, the right arm is more to the side and there's more lines, the flame is more aggressive now and bursts into the sides when it comes in contact with Zoro's body to show the impact. I know they could be better still, but this is the best I can do right now and I'm happy with the result!! I'm glad I kept pushing it! These poses were VERY confusing to draw lol

Alsooo, it would make more sense if Sanji threw Zoro in the other direction, over his head like in karate/judo, but I wanted to keep my directions consistent. I had to have Sanji standing back to the carriage, so he doesn't notice the spear being thrown and Zoro facing the carriage so he can get hit from the front, right after he gets up. It's like..... did he not see it? Did he get hit on purpose? You decide lmao

Though I'm probably too rigid with my 'camera', in BNHA you see the action from any and every direction, i guess it adds to the dynamism of it all, also there's just many MANY more panels in manga lmao

Judge giving me major "isn't there somebody you forgot to ask" vibes at the end there lmao I hope you forgot he's even there and this comes as a surprise!

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