#from outright calling her a narcissist or sociopath

[sjsmith56]

It Mattered - Part 22, From There To Here - Bucky Barnes One Shots

Summary: Set during the Blip, Steve Rogers meets with a man who has acquired many official HYDRA files on Bucky.

Length: 6K

Characters: Steve Rogers, named original male character Grant Allman.

Warnings: Grief, disgust with HYDRA, lack of trust in government, Steve missing Bucky.

Author notes: The subtitle on From There to Here is Bucky Barnes One Shots.  This part will not have Bucky actually in it, although he will be a topic of discussion.  It mostly takes place about a year after the snap of Thanos' fingers, which turned half the universe's population into dust..  For the purposes of this story that tenure will be referred to as the Decimation.  It is told from Steve Rogers point of view.

<<Part 21

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It had been almost a year since Thanos succeeded in dispensing with half the world's population.  Six months of disbelief, raw grief, and anger, especially at the remnants of the Avengers for our failure to stop the alien mass murderer, psychopath, sociopath, narcissist and any number of descriptors ascribed to him by the survivors of his purge.  It had been almost that long since I last spoke with Tony Stark, blamed by the latter for not being on the killer's home planet with him to deal with that evil presence, even though I was already leading the force against Thanos on Earth.  It was unfair; I knew that objectively, but I still felt the guilt, still had nightmares of seeing Bucky, Wanda, T'Challa and so many others disappear in front of me. 

One would think that with my early history of being a weakling that I would have adjusted better to losing that fight.  As if adjusting to the deaths of billions was easy.  It wasn't.  Not since I lost Bucky after he fell from the train had I been so angry about not being able to get drunk.   It would have been the bender of all time.  At least there were still a few Avengers alive; specifically Natasha, Bruce, Thor, and Rhodey.  We also had help from a couple of aliens; one of them a cyborg woman named Nebula who spent weeks alone on a space craft with Tony Stark, both of them trying to eke out their fuel and food to make it back to Earth.  They were rescued by a human hybrid who apparently knew Nick Fury back in the 1990s.  Captain Marvel is what we called her, but she started out as a fighter pilot on Earth by the name of Carol Danvers.  She rubbed some people the wrong way with her manner, but Rhodey said if she had been a fighter pilot, she came by that attitude honestly.  Her powers were incredible, and she confirmed the effect of the Snap and following decimation on planets outside of our solar system.  There was also a talking raccoon named Rocket who came to Wakanda with a walking, talking tree person, Groot, who sadly didn't make it.  Rocket and Nebula fixed their spacecraft, and we used it after we found Thanos hoping to take back the infinity gauntlet.  But the bastard had destroyed the stones, stopping us from undoing his deadly snap.  Thor lost it and killed Thanos outright.  We were beaten and had to go back to Earth with our tails between our legs to tell them there was no hope, no chance of fixing it.

But losing the confidence of Tony Stark hurt the most.  He'd had it, retreated from everything and everyone.  Calls were not returned or even accepted; his email addresses were all erased.  He became a ghost.  Thor retreated to New Asgard, drinking and eating away the pain of not killing Thanos the first time, in Wakanda.  Bruce retreated to Stark's remote lab in Mexico to find a way to combine the Hulk and himself but have them each in balance.  I hadn't heard if he made progress.  Clint went rogue after his family disappeared.  We'd heard rumours that he'd gone on a killing spree of criminals who survived the Snap, but the rumours were hard to confirm.  In Wakanda, both T'Challa and Shuri were lost.  So much loss everywhere.

I lived in New York City, figured that I might as well stay in a place I was familiar with, but it wasn't the same without the people.  There was a feeling of emptiness about it, a sadness that pervaded everything.  With the Avengers out of commission I had to do something to pass the time, so I began attending a support group for those of us ready to try and deal with our losses.  It helped and I became a counsellor for the organization that funded it.  Three afternoons and three nights per week, I led a group of ordinary people to talk about those we lost, the effect it had on us, and how we handled life now.  Turned out I was pretty good at it.  The supervisor said I was very empathetic but objective enough to handle the depression that most people were feeling, once they got past the anger.  Still, whenever someone lost it physically, my strength came in handy to subdue the individual calmly, with dignity, allowing them to get it out of their system without hurting anyone.  The rest of the time I boxed, I ran, and I sketched or painted.  I didn't date.  The only woman I even considered seeing before, Sharon, was lost to the Decimation.  I took it as a sign that maybe being celibate was how I was supposed to be.  Ma would have liked to see me become a priest, but I didn't believe anymore, not accepting that God would allow Thanos to do what he did and walk away from it.  So, I lived a boring life.  At least I did until a man approached me after one of my weekend sessions.

He was just an ordinary man, in his late 30s, maybe early 40s, light brown hair, brown eyes, 5 foot 8 inches or so, maybe 170 pounds, muscular.  Dressed well, he stuck his head in the door near the end of a Saturday afternoon session then waited in the hallway for me to be finished before coming in.  I was stacking the chairs as he approached.

"Steve Rogers?" he asked, extending his right hand to me which I shook.  In his left hand he was carrying a small leather case.  "Grant Allman.  I wonder if I could have a few minutes of your time."

"Were you interested in the counselling sessions?" I asked.  "You just missed this session although I have one Monday evening, starting at 7 pm."

"No, I'm okay," he said.  "I was already alone when it happened, so I didn't lose anyone.  This is about a mutual friend of ours, Bucky Barnes."

He had my attention.  "How did you know Bucky?" I asked.  "You realize he is one of the decimated."

Grant nodded soberly.  "It goes better with coffee and a donut," he said.  "My treat.  I think you may be interested in information I found out about him, about when HYDRA had him."

Now I really was interested.  As soon as I finished stacking the chairs, I grabbed my jacket and locked up.  Grant and I walked a couple of blocks, finding a coffee shop.  I ordered a black coffee and a glazed donut.  He asked for the same and paid for it, leaving the change from a $20 bill as a tip.  We sat at a table near a window. 

"I met Bucky when he was trying to get to Boston to buy passage on a cargo ship to Europe," he said immediately.  "It was just after he met with two old hippies and a teenager in Townsend.  He booked a motel room at the place I worked at.  I noticed some guys checking out his car and let him know.  Figured he was on the run, and they were up to no good so I offered to call some acquaintances who could lead them astray.  He gave me several thousand dollars to do it, which surprised the shit out of me."  He took a bite of his donut, and a drink of his coffee then studied me for a moment before continuing.  "I offered to buy his ticket for him, which is when I recognized him, we talked, and when he found out I was a veteran he opened up more about who he was."

He showed me his infantry tattoo on his left forearm to prove he was a veteran, and drank some of his coffee, waiting for my response.

"Did you help him just for the money?" I asked.

"At first, yeah," he admitted.  "I hadn't done so well after getting out of the military.  I had substance abuse issues, and the job was all I could get.  It was dead-end, minimum wage.  But the more I spoke to him the more I realized that he had been through infinitely worse, but he was still a good guy, a really good guy."

We both took another bite of our donuts and drank some more coffee.  So far, all Grant had told me was preamble.  He obviously had something more to tell me and I wondered if he wanted money before he told me.  I decided to cut to the quick.

"You run out of the money?" I asked.  "Is that what this is about?  You want more money to tell me something I likely already know?"

He smiled in a self-deprecating manner, but he didn't seem offended.

"No, I'm quite well off now," he said.  "I've been to rehab, and I've been clean for almost 5 years.  I have Bucky to thank for that.  He gave me something before I left him in the Port of Boston at the dock of a cargo ship.  He gave me the locations of a considerable number of HYDRA safe houses in the United States, Canada, and Mexico.  Because of his generosity in giving me that information I was able to come by a lot of cash, weapons, and a treasure house of unencrypted and unredacted HYDRA files on him.  Some of the files were also marked with SHIELD stamps.  So, the reason I came to see you was to see if you wanted them ... for free.  It's the least I can do for the guy who literally saved my life."

"But he's dead," I replied bluntly.  "It would all be moot, now."

"Yes, and no," said Grant, leaning forward.  "I also found something mentioning the woman who founded SHIELD."

"Peggy Carter?" I asked.  "There's a file on her?"

"Oh yeah," he said, "but I want you to see all of it because at the least you can clear Bucky's record.  He was a victim and people should go to jail for what they did to him.  Some of them should be shot."

He stopped talking then, his face set in a hard look.  Opening his leather case, he gave me a file folder.  I opened it and closed it immediately, so disturbing was the image.  Then I opened it again, seeing an actual picture of Bucky in some sort of machine that was obviously torturing him.  What was even worse was that the picture was taken at the same moment sutures in his amputated arm burst, spurting blood everywhere.  The next few images showed him in surgery, repairing the damage caused by whatever that machine did to him.  He looked dead by the time they finished.  I stared at Grant, wondering what else he had.

"By the date stamp on it that was in January of 1945," he said grimly.  "There are notes at the end, written in German.  I had them professionally translated.  The machine was basically a conduit for electroconvulsive therapy, ECT, but done at such a high voltage that it would result in severe seizures, followed by memory loss.  From the medical experts I consulted about it the result would make the recipient very susceptible to suggestion.  With his arm injury still healing the accompanying rise in blood pressure burst the sutures on his arm, resulting in him almost bleeding out."

"Brainwashing," I said.  "They were brainwashing him and pushing his body to the limits to get it done."

Grant nodded grimly.  It was obvious he wasn't about the money anymore. 

"This is just the first file, the earliest one," he said.  "The fucking Nazis documented everything as if they were so proud of the torture they inflicted on him as part of their mad science experiment." 

He wanted justice for Bucky and I found myself liking Grant for that.  As we finished our coffees we made plans to meet up the following day.  Grant had an apartment in New York, giving me the address.  I agreed to come over at about 1 pm and begin to look through the rest of the paper files he had.  He left me with that first file, said that I should find a way to make sure no one ever went through that again.

At home I dropped that file on the coffee table in front of my couch.  While I made something to eat, I kept glancing at it, hating what was in it but knowing I had to read it through, to look at everything, to understand what they did to my friend.  After I ate I sat down and opened it, once again studying those disturbing images.  Then I began reading the translated notes and read how they did this to him, over and over and over again.  They had a transcript of what was said by Bucky and by anyone in that room with him.

At first Bucky would repeat the standard phrase all PoWs said to their captors: Barnes, James Buchanan, Sergeant, serial number 32557038.  It was all the enemy was entitled to as part of the Geneva Convention, as if HYDRA ever honoured those rules.  Then the command would be given for the machine to be turned on.  My lips curled and I could feel the bile in my throat as I read through the multiple repetitions of that torture and each instance after.  He fought them.  God help me, when he told me in the quinjet that he fought them I envisioned him fighting physically but he couldn't even do that, being so injured and then restrained on that gurney.  All he could do was endure the torture then fight them with his persistence and his very soul.  Looking back it was obvious when I found him in Austria at that factory, that they had started the process there, with the serum injections and the memory wipes.  He never said a word about it, was probably ashamed that I would think he had given himself up to the enemy.

"Buck, you should have told me," I whispered to myself.  "I would never have put you into danger like I did." 

He was probably already halfway to being a super soldier when I rescued him.  It's why he survived the fall off the train.  Whoever found him took him to HYDRA and they were only too eager to continue the process.  My transition was done in one long moment of simultaneous multiple injections and a burst of Vita Ray radiation.  Bucky's was spread through weeks, perhaps years of injections of the serum, in between the sessions on the ECT machine, all while still being seriously injured.  The realization of the torture he went through hit me and I cried for him, for what the best man I ever knew went through, alone and without hope of rescue.  Wiping my eyes and blowing my nose I finished reading that damn file.  Although I barely slept that night, I knew that I owed it to Bucky to read the rest and find out exactly what HYDRA did to him.

I arrived early at Grant's apartment.  He wasn't surprised to see the look on my face either.  I imagine he had a similar one on his face when he began accumulating the evidence.  Everything he found were stored in file boxes, marked with the days, months, and years they referred to.  He brought us both a coffee and sat next to me.

"Before you ask, the money that I found in the safe houses has made me well off," he said.  "I'll admit that.  But I promised Bucky I would do good with it, and I have.  After I got clean, I began sponsoring other vets with substance abuse issues to get into rehab.  I invested some, that's what paid for this apartment and my lifestyle, which isn't flashy, but I do alright.  I went back to school, and I offer my services to people who need help, either with a person, or a problem, or a situation.  Officially I'm a private investigator.  Unofficially I rescue people in trouble.  I don't kill.  Bucky was emphatic that he was done with that, so I've kept that up as my mantra.  Every once in a while, I find someone who is named in these files and if they are HYDRA, I turn them in.  If they were victims of HYDRA, I help them."

He turned to me, trying to gauge my reaction and I felt I should respond.  "I'm glad to hear it," I said sincerely.  "Bucky never did like bullies.  It's how we met.  He was like my big brother and when I found out he was still alive I knew I had to help him."

"There's another thing you should know," said Grant.  "These files have taken me since 2014 to accumulate.  They were scattered around all the safe houses, in no particular order.  Maybe the people who put them there didn't want everything in one place.  I know Bucky kept the list of European safe houses with him when he left.  But I don't think he ever used it because I got word of someone trying to sell HYDRA files of him on the black market and that didn't sound like Bucky's style."

"There was a con man," I answered.  "After Bucky got to Italy.  He must have recognized Bucky and used his knowledge to trick him out of most of his cash and the list of European safe houses.  That person might have sold some of the files to the CIA because they knew Bucky was in Bucharest in 2016.  I saw the file myself.  Bucky told me he ended up helping some Roma people, and they helped him in return.  They got him to Romania, found him a little flat, and helped him find work.  It gave him the time to get a lot of his memories back."

A small smile creased Grant's face.  "Roma, huh?" He shook his head.  "If they helped him that means he meant something to them.  They must have adopted him.  I have a Roma contact in New Jersey I can ask."

"Jovan?" I asked, remembering that name.  "Bucky mentioned a guy by that name being from New Jersey."

"Yeah," he replied, nodding his head.  "Damn he keeps his hands close to his vest.  I came to him about some information for one of my cases, and he never let on that he knew Bucky even though I mentioned finding information on him."

Something occurred to me just then, as it seemed too much of a coincidence to let go.  "Do you think he knew about Bucky's sister?" I asked.  "She lives in New Jersey, in a very nice senior's home."

"That's a very good question," answered Grant.  "If they did, they're probably watching out for her.  If they made him family, then she's family by extension.  I could check it out if you want.  What's her name?"

I told him and we began our session, going through the files of what had been done to Bucky.  The documentation was thorough, sickeningly so and I was ready to take a break when I read about the nurse who was shot in front of him because she gave him her name, Anya.  They put Bucky through the wringer after that, an endless stream of ECT, serum injections, and torture seemingly just for the hell of it. 

"They punished him for showing concern or empathy for people," I noted.

"Yeah, in fact, I only found one instance where they didn't, but it was an odd occurrence," he said, flipping through another box.  "This is from later that year, 1950, I think, after he was taken to Siberia.  His first metal arm has been attached and he awakens from some sort of anaesthetic, sees the metal hand and goes into a rage, trying to strangle an attendant.  They stun him repeatedly with cattle prods and there is a discussion of a failsafe word to disable him quickly.  There's talk about them realizing the serum is repairing the damage they've done to his brain, undoing all of their brainwashing.  A woman scientist, Dr. Eva Waslewski, recommends cryostorage, as it was her specialty.  She suggested it as a way to keep the brain from repairing itself too quickly and that using it judiciously would extend his lifespan, allowing them to bring him out only when needed."

"He thought that was so they didn't have to feed him so often," I said bluntly.  "Maybe that's how it ended up being used because he was pretty sure they wiped him before and after each session."

"What is most interesting is that Dr. Waslewski was the sister of the nurse, Anya," said Grant.  "It's not in the files but I did some research on my own.  They were both born in Poland, were conscripted into the German army, and assigned to HYDRA.  The doctor may have been a double agent, as she was seen speaking closely with Bucky, and treating him with kindness, something that was not allowed."

"You think she was working with SHIELD?" I asked. 

"If she was, she wasn't the only one," said Grant.  "Bucky was ordered to kill her, when she was betrayed by persons unknown.  He did so, quickly, cleanly, and after he gave her a tender kiss.  That was the only time on record he was not punished for showing mercy.  That account comes from another SHIELD agent, unnamed, who sent a report directly to Peggy Carter."  I wasn't expecting to hear that she was killed by Bucky or that Peggy knew about it.  But Grant seemed to have another thing to say.  "Eva and her sister Anya were raised by their maternal grandmother, a Roma, Kezia Pawlowski."  He shrugged.  "Another coincidence?  There are so many and they are buried deep in these files.  I don't know if Bucky were still alive, if he himself would remember as surely some of his memories are gone forever.  I do think you and I should go to New Jersey.  I would like to meet Bucky's sister and I would like you to meet Jovan Sakić.  Perhaps we can get some more answers."

It sounded like a good idea to me.  I hadn't seen Rebecca for a while, not since before I helped Bucky get to Wakanda.  We had a good visit at the time but I had the feeling she kept some things from me.  After that small break Grant and I went back to the files where we learned about the American super soldier who fought Bucky in Goyang in 1951.  An African American, he was referred to by ugly slur words, as nasty in German as they were in English.  They didn't even say his name but he apparently may have been sent to retrieve Bucky and bring him home.  Instead, the fight got out of hand and he tore Bucky's metal arm in two.  I remember him mentioning that when we came out of the Siberian facility and encountered T'Challa.  Bucky told him the arm that Tony shot off was a replacement arm.  I think he meant to tell me more but we didn't get around to it.  Grant jumped ahead and brought out another file, a SHIELD file that was apparently copied and sent to Peggy.  It identified the American soldier as Isaiah Bradley, then reported that he committed suicide in 1953, after being imprisoned on his return to the United States as his reward for defeating Bucky.

"That Dr. Zola had the fix in," said Grant.  "He was part of SHIELD as well as HYDRA and insisted on Bradley being kept against his will as a test subject because they didn't know why the serum worked so well on him but not so well on the others."  He made a disgusted sound.  "They were all African Americans and were told the serum injections were vitamins.  I tried to find his family, but I hit a dead end.  It's like anything about him went into a black hole."

That angered me.  We had our own issues with racism, having Gabe Jones as one of the Howling Commandos.  Bucky knew him from the 107th as they were captured together, along with Dum Dum Dugan.  Even with his language skills and communications know how, some of the powers that be didn't want him as part of our unit.  Said it would give his people the wrong idea.  His people ... humans just like me and the others on the team.  I wish I had known about Bradley as I would have gone in myself and got him out of whatever hell hole they were keeping him in. 

Before I crashed that Valkyrie aircraft, I knew the allies wanted Dr. Zola's know-how to continue on with Dr. Erskine's work.  I was against it all the way but was obviously overruled.  When Natasha and I found that electronic version of him in the computers in Camp LeHigh it made me sick to see how thoroughly he had infiltrated SHIELD, turning it into the errand boy of HYDRA.  I told this to Grant, as I was done keeping secrets.  He wasn't surprised having experienced some of the military mindset himself when he fought in Afghanistan.  His own experience of how it seemed that everyday their enemies changed as war lords changed allegiances like we change our socks sounded all too familiar.  It reminded me of what Bucky had said about the Vietnam War veterans he encountered in Townsend.  Wars and soldiers didn't really change but the soldiers always paid the price in the end.  With that we decided to call it a day and agreed to go to New Jersey during the week.  He would contact this Jovan Sakić person while I would contact Rebecca then we would go see both of them and try to get some more answers.

  As it turned out we didn't go to New Jersey that week or for some time after.  Grant called me to say that something came up but when I pressed him, he admitted that he wasn't even in the United States.  That's all he would say, other than he wanted to keep me, Rebecca, and the information he had already uncovered safe.  It was another two weeks after that call before he contacted me again to say we could meet.  I met him at his apartment and was shocked at his condition when he opened the door.  He held his hand up before I could say anything and beckoned me in, making a show of locking the door behind me.    Gesturing to a chair with the hand that wasn't covered in bandages and in a sling, he sat across from me and said nothing while I looked at the bruises that still covered his face.

"You've looked better," I finally said.

He smirked.  "I've felt better but they fared worse than me.  You know there are still pockets of HYDRA around.  Turns out there are some people in the CIA who are "helping" them stay hidden.  I contacted Jovan and asked him directly about Bucky Barnes.  Turns out we've been searching for the same thing, except his focus has been on Europe while mine has been North America.  He invited me to go with him to France because of a sighting of the man who conned Bucky out of the list of European safe houses.  You were right, he had been selling the information that he found to the CIA."

I wasn't surprised.  The CIA, known as the OSS during World War II, had a stake in Dr. Erskine's research.  Their people were witnesses to my transformation.  They were also witness to the removal of 12 vials of my blood after Dr. Erskine was killed.  Eleven of those vials disappeared into the bureaucracy of the American government.  One vial of blood disappeared with no trace, at least according to the SHIELD files that Natasha had released.  I always wondered if either the CIA or HYDRA ended up with it.

"We, that is Jovan, some of his associates, and me, found the guy living the high life in Provence," said Grant.  "His name was Leon Meier and he told the CIA about recommending Romania to Bucky, told them that he cut his hair and shaved his beard, that he was travelling on a German passport under the name Jakob Schmidt; he basically sold him out for money.  That's why when that Zemo guy pulled his stunt it messed up their plans to take Bucky back into the fold.  The CIA wanted him for themselves, to be their assassin."

Why was I not surprised?  How long had HYDRA used him, successfully, to kill their enemies?  It only made warped sense that the CIA was envious of their asset.  Once again, someone didn't see the man, they only saw the killing machine they could control.

"So what happened?" I asked, gesturing at Grant's injuries.  "Did he fight back?  Did the CIA try to come to his rescue?"

"Yes to both," replied Grant.  "You have to understand that the Roma were going to deal with Meier permanently.  They see Bucky as one of their own, because he stuck his neck out for not just a Roma family but a whole community.  He went up against the Russian mob for them and they knew enough about him to be properly scared if they stayed so he basically got peace for the whole Roma community in Zagreb.  That's where Jovan met him, after Bucky took multiple bullets in several encounters with the Russian mob before finally confronting the head man there.  He didn't kill anyone but he made it clear that he would, if he had to.  Jovan had been in the military here, went over to help the extended Roma family when Yugoslavia fell apart and stayed.  He drove Bucky to Bucharest, set him up in the apartment and made sure the Roma there watched out for him.  But the CIA was also watching and they were watching Meier's place in Provence.  They came at us as we were taking him elsewhere."

At this point I wasn't sure I wanted to know more.  Grant sensed that and didn't try to justify what the Roma were planning to do to the man who cheated Bucky.  Of more interest to me was that this Jovan had been searching for the same information Grant was, evidence of what was done to Bucky, or ... maybe it was evidence of what was done to Anya and Eva. 

"Was Jovan related to the two women in HYDRA?" I asked.  Grant shrugged slightly but nodded his head just as slightly.  Perhaps that meant that the Romani people feel related to all the others of their background no matter where they were from in the world.  "Did you find anything?"

"Yup," said Grant.  "But Jovan won't give it to us.  You know that a lot of Roma people were killed in concentration camps?  Because many of them weren't officially registered in the country of their birth there is no official count, but Holocaust experts estimate the number is between 250,000 and 500,000 victims.  The Waslewski sisters were Roma, but both were blond, fair haired, and their father was of Polish ancestry.  I think they may have been plants to find Roma who were being experimented on by HYDRA and found Bucky in the process.  With how quickly the brain washing wore off they would have learned quickly that he wasn't the killer HYDRA wanted him to be.  Jovan thinks that somehow, they were able to get word out to SHIELD that he was alive and being tortured into becoming the Fist of HYDRA."  He stopped as if he wasn't sure whether to go on.  "You'll have to talk to Jovan directly about what evidence he has from the sisters.  He knew about Bucky before he met him.  Of that I am certain.  They've been going after everyone who had a hand in the deaths of those Holocaust victims, and any other Roma victims of HYDRA since."

It sounded like the Roma had their own score to settle with the Nazis, HYDRA, and the CIA.  Couldn't say I blamed them.  A lot was at stake and Bucky's files were the proof of the spider web that had connected all of them.  On advice from Jovan the file boxes that Grant possessed had been moved to a secret location, in a storage facility owned by Roma.  Even though Jovan wouldn't give us his files he was willing to let us go and see them, and make copies of them.  He was doing the same with the files that Grant had accumulated.  I was to be brought into the fold, to be given the location and access to all of it.  I told Grant that in the two years between when Bucky and I fought on the helicarrier and when I found him again in Bucharest that Sam Wilson and I had filed official requests for all military, SHIELD, and CIA records on Bucky.  We received a lot, heavily redacted but still containing enough information to prove that Bucky was a PoW, abandoned through the efforts of HYDRA supporters within the military, SHIELD, and the CIA, in exchange for favours, and copies of the treatments being forced on him.  He shook his head in disgust.

"When you say favours do you mean assassinations?" he asked.

I nodded.  "Specifically a very famous one, of a sitting president."  I didn't say anything more but Grant's eyes grew large.

"Shit," he muttered.  "No wonder they wanted to find him.  That's one of the biggest conspiracy theories out there.  All of that to keep his existence a secret, to keep him bound to them, until they accomplished their goal."

"You don't know the final indignity," I said.  "Alexander Pierce was willing to let Bucky die when he sent him to the helicarrier to stop me.  Those helicarriers were to be used to take Bucky's place.  From space they could target anyone, anywhere, and kill them with a laser weapon.  They wouldn't need him anymore and they didn't care what happened to him.  When I destroyed them, they wanted him back because that's all they had left, other than mercenaries, and goons they had turned.  He had enough of his will return to realize he could never let them get control of him again.  That's why he went into hiding.  For two years he lived under the radar, working, not getting into trouble, not hurting anyone.  At least now he's out of all of it."

"Yeah, but they still want to keep the secrets about him," added Grant.  "We owe it to his memory not to let them get away with it."  He stuck his hand out to mine.  "Promise me, that we'll do this together.  We'll make copies of all of it and make sure it sees the light of day.  Bucky deserves that much.  So do Anya and Eva Waslewski, and the hundreds of thousands of Roma victims, hell, all of the victims of the Holocaust because I can't see HYDRA caring who they experimented on.  We won't let this get buried."

His words were true and I shook his hand.  Even though Bucky was dead there were still people bent on hiding the truth about what was done to him.  As his friends, fellow soldiers, and as decent men, Grant, myself, and Jovan, who I had yet to meet, were bound together in a pact to honour Bucky's memory by doing the right thing.  We would make sure history knew who James Buchanan Barnes really was, and how he was the victim of the world's largest conspiracy, one that spanned decades and involved thousands of willing participants.  It mattered, damn it, it mattered.

Part 23>>

Series Masterlist

[gloriousmonsters]

sorrowland is kind of a funny book bc on one hand it’s very obviously a power fantasy about mutating into a cool monster and killing bad guys but the author is like. self aware about it just enough that we keep on hitting the pause button to be like ‘hey guys so... i know we just popped a woman’s head off like a cork and defended against a hail of bullets with cool bone wings so we can then absolutely slaughter some soldiers..... but Violence Is Bad. Addiction To Power Is Bad. I mean yes we’re still killing these people and not trying to like communicate with them at all but it’s ok we put a little sign up saying Don’t Do This Cool Thing, It’s Not That Fulfilling Actually, so it’s fine right? right. ok back to the protagonist murdering the shit out of people with magic fungi powers’

[samsvenn]

𝐔𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐃𝐢𝐯𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐨 𝐀𝐲𝐚𝐭𝐨'𝐬 𝐍𝐚𝐫𝐜𝐢𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐬𝐦

a bit long so grab your drinks

Today, I thought it’d be a great idea to deep dive into the psyche of the people in DL, specifically Ayato. When we hear about Ayato, three main traits emerge: arrogance, self-centeredness and aggression.

In the wiki, it is canonly confirmed that he is in fact narcissistic and if you’ve played the games, in any routes that Ayato appears in, it’s clear that Ayato loves to hog all the attention to himself. This is apparent in the drama CDs, the games, the manga and the anime.

Yes, Ayato is narcissistic. But, in order to understand who he is as a person rather than an otome character, a deep dive is required. 

Narcissistic people aren’t born, they’re made. The word ‘Narcissism’ is a blanket term for symptoms under the narcissistic personality disorder. If you have no idea what a blanket term is, think of the word ‘cheese’. We have different cheeses from all around the world and all of them vary in name and flavor, but we still call them cheese despite their origins, smokiness, texture and ferment treatment. Taken from wikitionary.com, ‘Blanket Term’ is “a word or phrase that is used to describe multiple groups of related things. The degree of relation may vary”.

There are four types of narcissism: malignant narcissism, covert narcissism, grandiose narcissism and communal narcissism. There is a difference between all four and I believe I found which one Ayato is.

 To simplify it the best I can, Grandiose Narcissism is the classic type you’ve seen in movies, media and in a way, the stereotype for what narcissism looks like. Egotistical, arrogant, attention seeking, constantly searching for validation, the “Look at me! And look at you! One of us is better than the other and obviously, the answer’s clear.”

Malignant Narcissism has the same traits with grandiose narcissism but the difference between them is that this type lacks empathy and sympathy more, resulting in them being meaner and outright vile. These people get a sense of satisfaction from hurting others out or for their desires. Their strategies for attention are more violent, aggressive and borderline abusive.

Covert Narcissism is an undercover narcissist who always makes themselves out to be the victim. They’re still grandiose, but they blame their failures on everything and anything but themselves. The keyword here is ‘covert’, meaning secret. “Can you believe it?! I wasn't invited to her stupid party! Me, out of everyone there! I’m a good person and I deserve to be there! Such a pisspot!”

Communal Narcissism is a narcissist who’s hell-bent on doing good deeds, all for attention and glory. They’re doing good deeds for the gratification and the image it brings them. When people don’t react to their good deeds, they may throw a tantrum or start to act extremely distant.

For me, I personally believe that Ayato is the Grandiose Narcissist, not the Malignant Narcissist. The main reason why is because surprisingly, Ayato is capable of sympathy, albeit his own version of it. Malignant Narcissists are often grouped with sociopaths and the worst scenario, psychopaths.

‧⋆ ✧˚₊‧⋆. ✧˚₊‧⋆ dialogue start! ⋆. ✧

Ayato - HDB Maniac. 9

Ayato: So this is where you’ve been.

Yui: …!

Ayato: What are you doing, skipping school and all?

Yui: Ayato-kun…

Ayato: Woah there! I won’t let you go any further.

Yui: Eh…?

Ayato: Don’t wander around.

What will you do if you hurt yourself on the thorns and waste blood?

Yui: …

Ayato: I won’t let anything else but me hurt you. …Understood?

Ayato - HDB Ecstasy. 7

Ayato: More importantly…

ー Ayato moves closer

Yui: Wah…!

ー He kisses her neck

Ayato: …

Yui: Wha…Ayato-kun!?

Ayato: He didn’t do anything to you, right?

‧⋆ ✧˚₊‧⋆. ✧˚₊‧⋆

These two excerpts are from HDB, the game considered by most as the most sadistic one in all of the entries. I haven't included his heavens and vampire endings because those two are far in Ayato and Yui's relationship. I wanted to establish that Ayato shows concern and worry unconsciously and without critical thinking involved; in layman's terms, on instinct.

The true shocker is this: Narcissism can start off as a coping mechanism before it spirals into delusional oblivion.

Let me explain.  

Children in narcissistic families often have to hide their mistakes away or else they’ll be yelled at or even worse, punished for being ‘insolent’ and ‘clumsy’; traits that are perfectly normal for children to experience in their learning adolescence. But these minuscule mistakes are not perceived as perfect by their narcissistic parental figures, causing them to engrain it in their psyche that people will judge or persecute them for their weaknesses, vulnerability and shortcomings. 

These narcissistic parental figures have hammered it in that if the child is not ‘perfect’, then they will be mocked and ridiculed for their ‘defects’. So, what happens?

These children, when they’ve grown up, will project their ‘best’ image to the world so that nothing tethers them to their painful past, essentially erasing it by cleansing and purging themselves of love, trust and the ability to feel the way normal people do. 

They don’t behave normally because what ‘normal’ was for them was either getting disciplined, punished or the worst of the worst when it comes to dealing with a child, neglect.

All of these might explain Ayato’s desperate need for approval, attention, love and comfort. But, something is also present: his aggression. Today, we’ve tackled Ayato's narcissism. In hopefully a future post, we will dive into his sadism, aggression, nature vs. nurture argument, whatever the results of his narcissism materialized/manifested itself into basically.

sources: 

The Four Types of Narcissism - Medcircle 

Maligant Narcissism: Definitions, Signs and More 

DSM-5 Year 2013 (Pages 670 - 672)

translations belonging to: @dialovers-translations

[alatismeni-theitsa]

Madeline Miller has every right to write books like "Circe" and draw inspiration from Greek mythology but sometimes I want what she smokes... Like, I can't believe that with her studies and experience she looked at one of the most beloved heroes of the Greeks for millennia and she went "the gods are 'sociopathic narcissists' in our modern standards, Odysseus is full of himself and probably shittier than he presents himself to be because patriarchy".

I am mostly paraphrasing, and the quotes are below. Yes, Greek societies have been patriarchal for a long time, yes Odysseus is the main narrator so of course, we see the story from his point of view, yes he is a trickster character and not perfect, no that doesn't automatically make him a bad person who overshadows other characters so he can elevate himself. If he had lied or hid something when he narrated his story, it would be there in the text, as in every other occasion Odysseus tricked someone.

I find it very hard to accept that with her Classics background she characterized the Greek gods in such a simple way, letting out all their magnificence, generosity, and kindness.

I understand what she wants to say here but the phrasing is weird. What do you mean by "push back" against the mythology? This makes it seem like her works are equal to the mythology texts and she is able to "push back". (She says in the article that her works are not equal to the Homeric pieces, but phrases like this makes it seem so)

These statements of the interviewer don't help much either... In a formal article, please don't characterize gods of other cultures and religions as "stupid" and similar things. You wouldn't call a person that in such a context, and you call the Greek gods stupid? Also... we are so sorry for our hero who tells his own story, I guess?? And sorry that our important ancient texts made you sad as a kid???

This statement alone might not seem like much but in the general spirit of the article, it adds up to the notion of Odysseus isn't that deserving after all and we should stop giving him that much attention in the name of social justice. For example, later in the article, we meet this statement from Miller. (I understand she doesn't outright call Odysseus a narcissist and what she says is that there is some material on the text she can use to play with this theme.)

The whole piece might leave the impression to a portion of readers that Odysseus wasn't actually that great and was praised in the context of a patriarchal society because he was a male hero. I can't help but feel this removes some agency from the Greek people who have kept Odysseus in their hearts and tradition for thousands of years, up to this day.

I analyze her and the writers of multiple articles stance exactly as deep and with the same stretches as the article writers praise Miller's work. She made the powerful witch Circe a rape victim and Odysseus a liar from a few hints (not even) in the original text. And I cannot meta-analyze her work from a cultural, intersectional scope? Yes, "it's not that deep" but since the articles are making a fuss out of a singular recent book and analyze it to death, I believe I am allowed to go a bit deeper in my commentary.

So, their stances remind me of the old theme of the "enlightened, educated foreigner" who "knows better" the native heroes than the natives of a land and sees how "problematic" the culture and the heroes themselves are, and the culture wasn't "feminist enough" to give the female heroes voices.

It all ties to the sense of ownership the West has with the Greek myths and characters. This is a formal interview/article and yet they talk about the heroes like they are their cousins or like they discuss in a bar about heroes of their own culture. One says that the Greek gods are essentially pricks and the other moans because we mostly follow Odysseus in... "Odyssey", as if the text came out yesterday in their local newspaper.

Like, I thought we would get a respectful and serious approach from people who know what they are talking about, but apparently, I was too optimistic.

The funny thing is, while misogyny was/is a thing, it's not because of the lack of feminism that Circe wasn't so important. She was merely the "bad witch" of the story. As it often happens in folk adventure stories, side characters - bad witches included - don't have a deep background story. To claim that the misogyny of Greeks was the reason Circe didn't get much "screentime" in another hero's story (!!!) is a stretch. There are multiple male characters in Odyssey who don't get that much time because they are side characters.

I can't believe I am saying this but... Miller and the writers of the articles give me so many "white feminism" vibes. Greece societies had/has issues with women's representation and yet they chose one side female character who matters as much as the male side characters in the text and go "now THIS is a problem we need to talk about for the next five years! We will do the subversion of the century and we will open people's eyes to neglected women by making a beloved hero a prick!! Oh, also Circe is now a rape victim to show how cruel the men were back then!"

Here is the full article. Most of it is pleasant and insightful and then there are... these statements that made red flags arise in my mind. I am not saying that Madeline Miller is trash, or that she doesn't know anything, or that she deserves any type of harassment. I just think some commentary is needed when such proclamations of hers are published and end up adopted by many who don't have the time to cross-reference.

[sociopath-analysis]

Sociopath Profile: Baroness von Hellman

From the 2021 film Cruella Played by Emma Thompson Requested by an anon and @caroldelblue

The Baroness is the main antagonist of the film and turns out to be a large source of Estella's issues as well. As her boss, it seems that her job is to make everyone's life miserable around her. As a narcissistic psychopath, she shows that the only person who matters is herself.

[SPOILERS BELOW; SPOILER-FREE VERSION HERE]

The Baroness has a notable lack of empathy for others. Because she has been known to have people murdered is a pretty big show of this. One of those people being Estella's adoptive mother, Catherine. When Estella confronts her, she needs to be reminded of who she killed since she doesn't remember. Notably, she'll even kill her own child simply because she doesn't want to care about her. Estella would've been dead long ago if not for John getting her away from her clutches. The Baroness is even confused as to why John was unable to kill an infant as if that's an easy thing to do.

"You can't care about anyone else. Everyone else is an obstacle."

As mentioned in the intro, she's a narcissistic psychopath, so her ego is one of her most prominent traits. She is outright called a narcissist within the film. She'll consider herself the most important person in the room and at her company simply because she owns it. She'll regularly take ideas from her employees and pass them off as her own and act like she thought of them herself. She'll regularly have everyone stop what they're doing so they can listen to her read articles praising her. Part of the reason she abandoned Estella is she didn't want to care about anyone more than herself.

The Baroness also seems to have a sadistic side, playing into a need for stimulation. She seems to enjoy lording her power over others in several ways, one of which is physically harming them. She cuts Estella's arm while she was working on an outfit. Not only does she not apologize, she asks another employee if she can find a shade of red that matches her blood, seemingly fascinated by it.

While she is a bitch to her employees, she can be superficially charming when around elites. During fashion shows, she always puts on her best face and schmoozes up to others when it benefits her. She also has to present herself in the best light if she wants people to praise her and feed her ego. When Estella confronts her as Cruella and has her cornered by her own dalmatians, she pretends to feel bad about abandoning her and even acts like she wants to take Estella back. This is all just so she can bring her in for a hug and trick her into being thrown off the cliff behind her.

All culminating in a lack of remorse for all her horrible deeds. It seems that the Baroness takes pride in her cruelty, never apologizing for anything. Not her cutthroat behavior, not her stealing ideas from her employees, not her abuse of them, and not her murder of others. The only thing that would stop her is the prospect of being caught for her crimes. And once she is outed for seemingly murdering Estella, she tries to deny it when she is taken away. The only thing that drives her now is the potential to get revenge on Cruella, knowing that she's still alive.

Cruella: You killed my mother! Baroness: You're going to have to be more specific...

The Baroness is someone who Cruella isn't even in her worst versions. While more restrained than most versions, she is even more psychopathic underneath her exterior.

Female Sociopath List

Disney Sociopath List

[nobodyfamousposts]

Can Lila Rossi be labeled a Psychopath?

What’s Lila’s problem? Is she merely a compulsive liar or can we truly categorize her as a psychopath? I mean, she lacks guilt/remorse, empathy, deep emotional attachments; she’s a narcissist, has superficial charm; she’s dishonest, manipulative and recklessly takes stupid risks like getting purposefully akumatized. I see no reason not to label her as a Psychopath, but I am not a professional in the area. I want opinions! Please beloved author, tell me what you think of Lila.

________

She would arguably fit enough traits to be considered a psychopath.

According to Kelly McAleer, Psy.D:

"The psychopath is callous, yet charming. He or she will con and manipulate others with charisma and intimidation and can effectively mimic feelings to present as "normal" to society. The psychopath is organized in their criminal thinking and behavior, and can maintain good emotional and physical control, displaying little to no emotional or autonomic arousal, even under situations that most would find threatening or horrifying. The psychopath is keenly aware that what he or she is doing is wrong, but does not care.”

Known traits of a psychopath include pathological lying and manipulation, superficial charm, lack of morality, rule breaking, lack of empathy, narcissism, a superiority complex, gaslighting/bullying, lack of remorse, victimizing, lack of realistic long term goals, and a parasitic lifestyle.

Lila admittedly has quite a few of those traits.

Her biggest problem initially presented was her tendency to lie. This could be excuses any number of ways—wanting to fit in, trying to inflate her importance, lack of self esteem, etc. But as we see more of her, this tendency seems to come all too easily to her and seems…rather concerning in how she utilizes it.

I think I previously mentioned that Lila hones in on specifically what matters most to each person and utilizes it to her own benefit by establishing herself as a “link” to someone or something each of her classmates cares about. That takes some quick thinking and high perception to figure out that quickly. The movie director for Nino. Jagged Stone for the class. Ladybug for Alya, Adrien, and Chloe. By establishing this perceived “link”, she makes herself desirable by default.

We already know she lies and that she presents herself as an outgoing and friendly person to charm people. But as more episodes have come out, we see more worrisome signs. Not just that she’s lying, but the extent of her manipulations, and the sheer depths she willingly goes to—to the point of GRABBING an akuma herself and willingly colluding with Hawk Moth, a known terrorist and supervillain.

There is also the matter of how she acts once she’s caught. No remorse. No accountability. Not even acknowledging how her own actions contributed. No, she made herself out to be the victim almost immediately, given the obvious fake crying she did when Ladybug outed her. And afterwards, she continued to blame Ladybug for calling her out (despite it being to all of ONE PERSON), going so far as to call her a “traitor” for doing so, and swearing all unholy vengeance upon her. She VICTIMIZED herself in the situation, both to Adrien and to herself trying to play it off that she’s the poor innocent victim in all this. She also follows up by hiding away in her apartment for the next few months, which was not only completely unnecessary (as again, nobody else knew about it), but if anything was the one issue that was the most likely to get her caught if she failed to prevent even one call between her mother and the school from getting through. (Which appears to go in lines with the aforementioned lack of long-term goals).

Here’s a thing of note, and feel free to correct me if I’m wrong on this, but I recall only ONE instance in the entirety of the series so far that Lila outright admitted to lying. It wasn’t to Adrien. It certainly wasn’t to Ladybug—remember, Chameleon had her accepting LADYBUG’S apology, not the other way around. And even in the privacy of her own room, she still solely blames Ladybug while refusing to so much as acknowledge what she did, even in terms of how she could have avoided it for next time.

No, the one person Lila ever admitted to that she was lying was Marinette. And when she admitted it, she was BRAGGING about it.

I would suspect it to be because she knows there’s nothing Marinette can do about it. She isn’t someone famous like Adrien, nor does she hold Lila’s interest. She also isn’t a hero like Ladybug—as far as Lila knows.

No, Marinette is a normal average teenager who just happened to be smart enough to figure Lila out. Lila doesn’t even care HOW Marinette knows. Nor does she care that Marinette does know at all. She doesn’t act hurt or betrayed that Marinette knows the way she did with Ladybug. And there is no victimizing in this case.

Lila outright acts PROUD.

This shows she knows full well what she’s doing, knows that it’s wrong, and not only does she not care, she seems to get a thrill from it if anything.

After all, Lila didn’t leave that bathroom angry or worried she was caught. She left smug. Hell, the akuma didn’t even target her because of Marinette. It was only after Adrien asked her to stop lying that she got even the slightest bit upset, and even that wasn’t enough to actually let the akuma track her. She wasn’t the akuma’s target.

The akuma was HERS.

If Lila was simply a pathological liar who couldn’t help it (and if the show as actually good in its portrayal of any of these people), then the worst that might happen would be her causing drama that would be moved on from and forgotten about after they graduate. But that’s not how Lila comes off. And that doesn’t seem to be the extent of her manipulations.

“In personal relationships, sociopaths and psychopaths often initially entice with their superficial charisma and calculated charm, before revealing their cruel and uncaring nature over time (i.e., after a committed relationship is established or an important agreement is made). They deceive, manipulate, and abuse in relationships without remorse, leaving their victims wounded and traumatized by their utter lack of decency and empathy.”

Given the extent she went to in order to get into Adrien’s house just to post a picture of the two of them and send it to all of their friends, Lila knew exactly what to do and how to do it to get the biggest effect. And that’s what she got and what Oni-chan was. There’s also her manipulation of Chloe in Miraculer. She’s not just telling lies to make herself look better. She is telling lies specifically meant to hurt people.

This is what makes Lila scary.

[thelittlehansy]

Narcissism in the Westregraad family part 1

If Hans is several times called a sociopath/psychopath ( i had make a post about it on my blog explaining that hans dont represent with accuracy sociopath/psychopath behavior)  i also saw him be qualified to be a narcissist and having narcissistic personality disorder a lot of times. and i m not gonna lie this is my reaction about people assuming hans has NPD

😅😁

First because i have an history with that disorder my parents who are psychiatrist talk a lot with me about it at a period where i think i had a friend who was one.But mainly because we label very easily person with the term “narcissist” There is this trend in my country  to accuse ex-boyfriend who are manipulative and are product of toxic masculinity  to be narcissist. when NPD is a true disorder , a psychiatrist illness along with anti social personality disorder and it’s so annoying when people think they can say if someone is narcissist based on what they thing the disorder is when we need true psychiatrist to diagnose it.

I took what a website (helpguide.org) said about narcissist personality disorder symptoms and the explanation and not a silly website  “ wants to knows if you ex is one”

since hans is a fictional character and therefore do not exist  in real life took informations about the disorder and makes them apply to Hans personality is the closest  thing we have to say if he is one or not.

So does hans have narcissist personality disorder ?

first i want to say this is more difficult to say if hans is one that with psychopath/sociopath symptoms because there are way more difficult to catch and less obvious and we can easily become parano ( i say that based on personal experience )  thats why also we need to look at all hans relationship to people not only at his relationship with his ex girlfriend.

Grandiose sense of self-importance

Grandiosity is the defining characteristic of narcissism. More than just arrogance or vanity, grandiosity is an unrealistic sense of superiority. Narcissists believe they are unique or “special” and can only be understood by other special people. What’s more, they are too good for anything average or ordinary. They only want to associate and be associated with other high-status people, places, and things.

based on the movie : we don’t know.  Hans want to be king but we don’t knows why we can say that hans want to be the hero of arendelle because he feel grandiose but this is only an assumption he could also feel useless and that’s why he want so much to be king and a hero. we can add also that Hans is not bothers by the idea of being associated with arendelle citizens. the movie never contradict the scene where he show concern for arendelle citizens and wants to take her of the peasant.

  other information we have from a frozen heart : Hans feel useless as the 13th son of King he think he is useless , worthless a throwaway He feel we will never be needed. Hans feels inferior to his older brothers. It seems Hans wants attention only of basic people ? Nothing is say about him believing he think only special person can understand him. We only knows he wants the attention of his family.

complementary information : there is the argument that Narc have low self esteem yes but they are not conscious and aware like how hans is aware about his low self esteem. Hans dont compensate his low self esteem. also “ Recent research discounts the earlier theory and now indicates that if you are suffering from narcissistic personality disorder, you likely also have high self-esteem – both on the surface and below the surface.” source : Psyc

Narcissists also believe that they’re better than everyone else and expect recognition as such—even when they’ve done nothing to earn it. They will often exaggerate or outright lie about their achievements and talents. And when they talk about work or relationships, all you’ll hear is how much they contribute, how great they are, and how lucky the people in their lives are to have them. They are the undisputed star and everyone else is at best a bit player.

based only on the movie : we dont knows. again the only thing we have  is “ i m gonna be the hero of arendelle”  but saying hans think he is better than everyone because of that is to me too way much interpretation. it also contradict what it say previously Hans dont expect recognition without doing nothing. For him he need to do something and act like a hero to have arendelle respect.

complementary information on a frozen heart : Hans doesn’t except recognition without doing nothing. Hans believe he had to earn recognition. We know that he think he can be a good king but nothing about great exaggerate his achievement or talent,Also His father told him “ dont disappoint me…again” and he respond “ i wont” he knows he need to prove himself to have approval of his father. That’s what drive him to go in arendelle “ prove them wrong”Having to earn people affection is  definitely one of hans goal

.Lives in a fantasy world that supports their delusions of grandeur Since reality doesn’t support their grandiose view of themselves, narcissists live in a fantasy world propped up by distortion, self-deception, and magical thinking. They spin self-glorifying fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, attractiveness, and ideal love that make them feel special and in control. These fantasies protect them from feelings of inner emptiness and shame, so facts and opinions that contradict them are ignored or rationalized away. Anything that threatens to burst the fantasy bubble is met with extreme defensiveness and even rage, so those around the narcissist learn to tread carefully around their denial of reality

.Based on the movie : we doesn’t knows.anything of that to me its making wayyy to much assumption about hans personality that were never show in the movie. we have maybe one moment : the duke of weselton criticized him when he give the cloaks hans is calm and say the princess has give her orders.he became aggressive when the duke criticized anna ( his key to the throne) not him. he is calm when this is about him. Hans is aggressive at the end when anna say to him he  is not match for elsa. so we just dont know since Hans show different behavior. again they never told us why hans wants to be king he wants to be hero can be because he did live in a fantasy world but also because he dont live in a fantasy world and finally has his moment to shine.

others information on a  frozen heart :  somewhere we are in hans head ! so what told us ? in the beginning of a frozen heart hans has dream : only’s son of his father he told him how proud he is of him and this is time for him to give him his kingdom. then he stop and told himself : “ this is never gonna happened and he needs to stop making fantasy and dream about thing that never gonna happened his father hates him and needs to dealt with that. Hans doesn’t believe in his fantasy. He is not living in his fantasy. Then hans doesn’t react to thing that threaten his fantasy bubble by extreme defensiveness. on the contrary he is resigned to be a throwaway and worthless.  

Needs constant praise and admirationA narcissist’s sense of superiority is like a balloon that gradually loses air without a steady stream of applause and recognition to keep it inflated. The occasional compliment is not enough. Narcissists need constant food for their ego, so they surround themselves with people who are willing to cater to their obsessive craving for affirmation. These relationships are very one-sided. It’s all about what the admirer can do for the narcissist, never the other way around. And if there is ever an interruption or diminishment in the admirer’s attention and praise, the narcissist treats it as a betrayal

.based on the movie : hans come from a family that ignore him and make him feel invisible. we can also say based on his relationship with anna for Hans its all about anna , please her , do what she wants , it is not one side  because he wants to be king. arendelle , its all about him making them love him. lets also added it say Hans is a social chameleon. hans definitely has no problem making effort to win people heart. it is not one side. with Hans this is all about how he can please people to have what he wants. so we doesn’t exactly  know but some element contradict that behavior

.based on a frozen heart : He doesn’t seems to show his behavior again since what he feels as a young adult in his mind is inferiority not superiority. He wants legitimate compliment not exaggerate compliment he want to have respect and he was going to deal with the fact that his father hates him arendelle was an idea from his brothers lars , hans , him was going to  go to the brotherhood once his father say it.. so Hans can live without praise and admiration. Hans wants all the times to have his father proud of him have his respect trust , the king on the other hand humiliate hans and abuse him and doesn’t even respect him. The relationship between hans and his father is one side on hans part.

Sense of entitlement Because they consider themselves special, narcissists expect favorable treatment as their due. They truly believe that whatever they want, they should get. They also expect the people around them to automatically comply with their every wish and whim. That is their only value. If you don’t anticipate and meet their every need, then you’re useless. And if you have the nerve to defy their will or “selfishly” ask for something in return, prepare yourself for aggression, outrage, or the cold shoulder.

Based on the movie : dont know. all of that are too much interpretation. hans can feel special but also not special , he can think be a king is his right , but he can also want to be king for others reasons. so we just dont know. also again hans dont expect the people around him  to automatically comply with his every wish and whim.

with the information on a frozen heart : Hans has a plan : going to elsa coronation in order to marry her. His reaction , he need to show his father than he can trust him and be responsible. He passed 3 years of his life doing that. Prove himself he is capable to have his trust. in the book it reveal hans dont feel special , he dont expect people to give him a favorable treatment since he is little hans was show that he need to prove himself and that it is never enough. Hans show a opposite behavior he has to prove himself to the whole world , arendelle , his father, his brothers. everything with him is earned and deserve. he needs to work hard 

Exploits others without guilt or shame Narcissists never develop the ability to identify with the feelings of others—to put themselves in other people’s shoes. In other words, they lack empathy. In many ways, they view the people in their lives as objects—there to serve their needs. As a consequence, they don’t think twice about taking advantage of others to achieve their own ends. Sometimes this interpersonal exploitation is malicious, but often it is simply oblivious. Narcissists simply don’t think about how their behavior affects others. And if you point it out, they still won’t truly get it. The only thing they understand is their own needs.

based on the movie : hans do exploit others he exploit anna  !  but he exploit others in order to achieve a plan he makes and prepare.  we dont know how he view people in his life. and if hans exploit others when he doesn’t have a plan in mind and view them as object. the fact that he exploit anna is not enough to say he has the symptoms. also “ the only thing they understand is their own needs” is very uncertain since hans did not exploit arendelle citizens and show to be concern about their needs.

with a frozen heart : Hans did exploit others he exploit anna and elsa for his plan in arendelle and also hide his intention to his father in order to get what he wants. to the coronation. But he doesn’t do it without shame/guilt/empathy since After propose to help his father he show regret ans say to himself what i got myself into. Hans say that anna would be happy to insult him so he knows he has done something bad and can put himself in people’s shoes. He also say how he has never be a murderer. , He show also for a very short time empathy for the the queen who has lost her sister. so he  has a conscience.We also knows hans doesn’t take people as object he show empathy for , his mother , ignore on her birthday ,  his sister in law also ignored by his brother , his horse maybe also , he has a normal relationship with his brothers lars.if he definitely is able to exploit others for his selfish interest but not in the same way narcissist exploit people.  he dont take people as object in his life

.Frequently demeans, intimidates, bullies, or belittles others 

Narcissists feel threatened whenever they encounter someone who appears to have something they lack—especially those who are confident and popular. They’re also threatened by people who don’t kowtow to them or who challenge them in any way. Their defense mechanism is contempt. The only way to neutralize the threat and prop up their own sagging ego is to put those people down. They may do it in a patronizing or dismissive way as if to demonstrate how little the other person means to them. Or they may go on the attack with insults, name-calling, bullying, and threats to force the other person back into line.

based on the movie : we dont know. i read hans bully anna and elsa and act like a bullier ? i dont really get it on the contrary hans is social chameleon he earn the trust of everyone and at the end didn’t bully anna he abandon her ! he definitely intimidate anna  but  the part “frequently” lack we just doesn’t knows.

based on the book : this one is interesting ! because hans do try some time to intimates people to have what he wants and even wants to thank his brothers but he also hates to do that at others part and prefer to be sweet to people , smart and not violent.  he did it with oaken the duke of weselton men  even mock him because of that. hans also say a lot of time that he is not violent he on the contrary try to please people to have what he wants. he offered the man a territory in his kingdom to have them on his side.we also learn that hans is victim of  severe bullying  he hate intimidates people , refuse to fight back dont want to act like his brothers and hates his brothers and how they treat him his brothers frequently dreams, intimidates , bullies , or belittle him.  so if Hans did show at some part tried to intimidates the dignitaries or anna at the end this is not a part of the personality on his everyday life. he used two or three time intimidation as a tool to have what he wants

.conclusion  ; i think we can say based only on the movie :  say Hans  has  narcissist personality disorder is a based on a lot assumption about  his character ,  there is even small some things he did  than contradict some NPD behavior.with the additional information disney give us : hans doesn’t have the disorder he doesn’t have any symptoms. he exploit others but this is because he is an opportunist. there is also vulnerability narcissism who is not grandiose but Hans dont show the symptoms   at all of narcissist. so grandiose or vulnerable this is not really the question. let’s also said that everyone has a level of narcissism because it is a spectrum and apparently too much narcissism is not necessarily a bad thing ( yeah read that somewhere)

[kipakyousee]

7 Gaslighting Phrases Malignant Narcissists, Sociopaths and Psychopaths Use To Silence You, Translated

By Shahida Arabi, Bestselling Author

Last updated: 18 Nov 2019

~ 10 MIN READ

Gaslighting is an insidious erosion of your sense of reality; it creates a mental fog of epic proportions in the twisted “funhouse” of smoke, mirrors, and distortions that is an abusive relationship. When a malignant narcissist gaslights you, they engage in crazymaking discussions and character assassinations where they challenge and invalidate your thoughts, emotions, perceptions, and sanity. Gaslighting enables narcissists, sociopaths, and psychopaths to exhaust you to the point where you are unable to fight back. Rather than finding ways to healthily detach from this toxic person, you are sabotaged in your efforts to find a sense of certainty and validation in what you’ve experienced.

The term “gaslighting” originated in Patrick Hamilton’s 1938 play, Gas Light, where a manipulative husband drove his wife to insanity by causing her to question what she experienced. It was further popularized in the 1944 film adaptation, Gaslight, a psychological thriller about a man named Gregory Anton who murders a famous opera singer. He later marries her niece, Paula to convince her she is going crazy to the point of being institutionalized, with the agenda of stealing the rest of her family jewels. According to Dr. George Simon, victims of chronic gaslighting can suffer from a wide array of side effects, including flashbacks, heightened anxiety, intrusive thoughts, a low sense of self-worth, and mental confusion. In cases of severe manipulation and abuse, gaslighting can even lead to suicidal ideation, self-harm, and self-sabotage.

Gaslighting can take many forms – from questioning the status of your mental health to outright challenging your lived experiences. The most dangerous culprits of gaslighting? Malignant narcissists, who, by default, use gaslighting as a strategy to undermine the perception of their victims in order to evade accountability for their abuse. These perpetrators can use gaslighting callously and sadistically because they lack the remorse, empathy, or conscience to have any limits when they terrorize you or covertly provoke you. Gaslighting by a malignant narcissist is covert murder with clean hands, allowing the perpetrator to get away with their mistreatment while depicting the victims as the abusers.

I’ve spoken to thousands of survivors of malignant narcissists who have shared their stories of gaslighting, and below I include the most commonly used phrases malignant narcissists, sociopaths, and psychopaths employ to terrorize and deplete you, translated into what they really mean.

These phrases, when chronically used in the context of an abusive relationship, serve to demean, belittle and distort the reality of abuse victims.

1. You’re crazy/you have mental health issues/you need help.

Translation: You’re not the pathological one here. You’re just catching onto who I really am behind the mask and attempting to hold me accountable for my questionable behavior. I’d rather you question your own sanity so you believe that the problem is really you, rather than my own deceptiveness and manipulation. So long as you believe you’re the one who needs help, I’ll never have to take responsibility for changing my own disordered ways of thinking and behaving.

Malignant narcissists play the smirking doctors to their victims, treating them like unruly patients. Diagnosing their victims with mental health issues for having emotions is a way to pathologize their victims and undermine their credibility; this is even more effective when abusers are able to provoke reactions in their victims to convince society that they are the ones with mental health problems. According to the National Domestic Violence Hotline, some abusers will even actively drive their victims to the edge to concoct proof of their instability. The Hotline estimates that around 89% of their callers have experienced some form of mental health coercion and that 43% had experienced a substance abuse coercion from an abuser.

“Most survivors who reported their abusive partners had actively contributed to mental health difficulties or their use of substances also said their partners threatened to use the difficulties or substance use against them with important authorities, such as legal or child custody professionals, to prevent them from obtaining custody or other things that they wanted or needed.” – The National Center on Domestic Violence and the Domestic Violence Hotline

2. You’re just insecure and jealous.

Translation: I enjoy planting seeds of insecurity and doubt in your mind about your attractiveness, competence, and personality.  If you dare to question my numerous flirtations, affairs, and inappropriate interactions, I’ll be sure to put you back in your place in fear of losing me. The problem, as I’ll convince you, isn’t my deceptive behavior. It’s your inability to remain confident while I perpetually put you down, compare you in demeaning ways to others, and eventually cast you aside for the next best thing.

Manufacturing love triangles and harems are a narcissist’s forte. Robert Greene, author of The Art of Seduction, speaks about creating  “an aura of desirability” which stirs a frenzied sense of competition among potential suitors. In abuse survivor communities, this tactic is also known as triangulation. It grants malignant narcissists a depraved sense of power over their victims. They actively provoke jealousy in their intimate partners in order to control them and paint them as unhinged when they finally react. When a victim calls out a narcissist’s infidelity in any way, it is common for them to label the victims insecure, controlling, and jealous to avoid suspicion and to continue to reap the benefits of multiple sources of attention, praise, and ego strokes.

Remember: to someone who has something to hide, everything feels like an interrogation. Narcissists will often lash out in narcissistic rage, stonewalling, and excessive defensiveness when confronted with evidence of their betrayals.

3. You’re too sensitive/you’re overreacting.

Translation: It’s not that you’re too sensitive, but rather that I am insensitive, callous, and unempathic. I do not care about your emotions unless they serve me in some way. Your negative reactions provide me stimulation and pleasure, so please, do keep going. I enjoy putting you down for having legitimate reactions to my abuse.

According to Dr. Robin Stern, one of the effects of gaslighting include asking yourself “Am I too sensitive?” a dozen times a day. Claiming that victims are overreacting or oversensitive to emotional abuse is a popular way for malignant narcissists to override your certainty about the severity of the abuse you experienced.

Whether or not someone is a sensitive person is irrelevant when it comes to cases of psychological or physical violence. Abuse affects anyone and everyone of varying sensitivity levels, and its impact should not be taken lightly. A mark of a healthy partner is that they give you the space to feel your emotions and provide emotional validation, even if they do not agree with you. A malignant narcissist will excessively focus on your so-called sensitivity and consistently claim that you are overreacting rather than own their horrific actions when called out, regardless of how “sensitive” you may be.

4. It was just a joke. You have no sense of humor.

Translation: I love disguising my abusive behavior as just jokes. I like calling you names, putting you down, and then claiming you’re the one who lacks the sense of humor to appreciate my depraved “wit.” Making you feel defective allows me to say and do whatever I wish, all with a smile and a derisive laugh.

Disguising cruel remarks, off-color comments, and put-downs as “just jokes” is a popular verbal abuse tactic, according to Patricia Evans, author of The Verbally Abusive Relationship. This malicious tactic is very different from playful teasing which takes a certain amount of rapport, trust, and mutual enjoyment. When malignant narcissists dole out these unsettling “jokes,” they can engage in acts of name-calling, taunting, belittling and contempt while evading the responsibility of issuing an apology or owning their vicious verbal assaults. You are then gaslighted into believing that it is your inability to appreciate the “humor” behind their cruelty, rather than the reality of its abusive intentions.

“Just jokes” are also used to test boundaries early on in an abusive relationship; what you may have rationalized as a tone-deaf or off-color comment in the beginning can escalate into psychological violence quite quickly in the hands of a narcissist. If you find that you have a partner who laughs at you more than they laugh with you, run. It will not get better.

5. You need to let it go. Why are you bringing this up?

Translation: I haven’t given you enough time to even process the last heinous incident of abuse, but you need to let it go already so I can move forward with exploiting you without facing any consequences for my behavior. Let me love-bomb you into thinking that things will be different this time around. Don’t bring up my past patterns of abusive behavior, because you’ll then recognize that this is a cycle that will just continue.

In any abuse cycle, it’s common for an abuser to engage in a hot-and-cold cycle where they periodically throw in crumbs of affection to keep you hooked and to renew hope for a return to the honeymoon phase. This is a manipulation tactic known as intermittent reinforcement, and it’s common for an abuser to terrorize you, only to return the next day and act like nothing has happened. When you do recall any abusive incidents, an abuser will tell you to “let it go” so they can sustain the cycle.

This form of abuse amnesia adds onto your addictive bond to the abuser, also known as “trauma bonding.” According to Dr. Logan (2018), “Trauma bonding is evidenced in any relationship which the connection defies logic and is very hard to break. The components necessary for a trauma bond to form are a power differential, intermittent good/bad treatment, and high arousal and bonding periods.”

6. You’re the problem here, not me.

Translation: I am the problem here, but I’ll be damned if I let you know it! I’d rather subject you to personal attacks as you bend over backwards trying to hit constantly moving goalposts and arbitrary expectations of the way I think you should feel and behave. As you spend most of your time trying to fix your fabricated flaws while always coming up short of what I deem “worthy,” I can just sit back, relax, and continue to mistreat you the way I feel entitled to. You won’t have any energy left to call me out.

It’s common for abusive partners to engage in malignant projection – to even go as far as to call their victims the narcissists and abusers, and to dump their own malignant qualities and behaviors onto their victims. This is a way for them to gaslight their victims into believing that they are the ones at fault and that their reactions to the abuse, rather than the abuse itself, is the problem. According to Narcissistic Personality clinical expert Dr. Martinez-Lewi, these projections tend to be psychologically abusive. As she writes, “The narcissist is never wrong. He {or she} automatically blames others when anything goes awry. It is very stressful to be the recipient of narcissistic projections. The sheer force of the narcissist’s accusations and recriminations is stunning and disorienting.”

7. I never said or did that. You’re imagining things.

Translation: Making you question what I did or said allows me to cast doubt on your perceptions and memories of the abuse you’ve experienced. If I make you think that you’re imagining things, you’ll start to wonder if you’re going crazy, rather than pinpointing the evidence which proves I am an abuser.

In the movie Gaslight, Gregory causes his new wife to believe that her aunt’s house is haunted so she can be institutionalized. He does everything from rearranging items in the house, flickering gas lights on to making noises in the attic so she is no longer able to discern whether or not what she’s seeing is real.  He isolates her so that she is unable to gain validation.  After manufacturing these crazymaking scenarios, he then convinces her that these events are all a figment of her imagination.

Many victims of chronic gaslighting struggle with the cognitive dissonance which occurs when their abuser tells them that they never did or said something. Much like reasonable doubt can sway a jury, even the hint that something may not have happened after all can be powerful enough to override someone’s perceptions. Researchers Hasher, Goldstein and Toppino (1997) call this the “illusory truth effect” – they discovered that when falsehoods are repeated, they are more likely to be internalized as true simply due to the effects of repetition.  That is why continual denial and minimization can be so effective in convincing victims of gaslighting that they are indeed imagining things or suffering from memory loss, rather than standing firm in their beliefs and experiences.

The Big Picture

In order to resist the effects of gaslighting, you must get in touch with your own reality and prevent yourself from getting entrapped into an endless loop of self-doubt. Learn to identify the red flags of malignant narcissists and their manipulation tactics so you can get out of disorienting, crazymaking conversations with malignant narcissists before they escalate into wild accusations, projections, blameshifting and put-downs which will only exacerbate your sense of confusion. Develop a sense of self-validation and self-trust so you can get in touch with how you really feel about the way someone is treating you, rather than getting stuck attempting to explain yourself to a manipulator with an agenda.

Getting space from your abuser is essential. Be sure to document events as they happened, rather than how your abuser tells you they happened. Save text messages, voicemails, e-mails, audio or video recordings (if permitted in your state laws) which can help you to remember the facts in times of mental fog, rather than subscribing to the distortions and delusions of the abuser.

Engage in extreme self-care by participating in mind-body healing modalities which target the physical as well as psychological symptoms of the abuse. Recovery is important to achieve mental clarity. Enlist the help of a third party, such as a trauma-informed therapist, and go through the incidents of abuse together to anchor yourself back to what you’ve experienced. Malignant narcissists might attempt to rewrite your reality, but you don’t have to accept their twisted narratives as truth.

References

Evans, P. (2010). The verbally abusive relationship: How to recognize it and how to respond. Avon, MA: Adams Media.

Greene, R. (2004). The art of seduction. Gardners Books.

Hasher, L., Goldstein, D., & Toppino, T. (1977). Frequency and the conference of referential validity. Journal of Verbal Learning and Verbal Behavior, 16(1), 107-112. doi:10.1016/s0022-5371(77)80012-1

Martinez-Lewi, L. (2012, November 10). Narcissist’s Projections are Psychologically Abusive. Retrieved March 19, 2019, from http://thenarcissistinyourlife.com/narcissists-projections-are-psychologically-abusive/

Logan, M. H. (2018). Stockholm Syndrome: Held Hostage by the One You Love. Violence and Gender,5(2), 67-69. doi:10.1089/vio.2017.0076

Simon, G. (2018, May 11). Overcoming Gaslighting Effects. Retrieved March 19, 2019, from https://www.drgeorgesimon.com/overcoming-gaslighting-effects/

Stern, R., & Wolf, N. (2018). The gaslight effect: How to spot and survive the hidden manipulation others use to control your life. New York: Harmony Books.

Warshaw, C., Lyon, E., Bland, P. J., Phillips, H., & Hooper, M. (2014). Mental Health and Substance Use Coercion Surveys. Report from the National Center on Domestic Violence, Trauma & Mental Health and the National Domestic Violence Hotline. National Center on Domestic Violence, Trauma and Mental Health. Retrieved here. November 5, 2017

[romyshq-blog]

hello lovely people! i’m cathy and i’m super excited to be here with my trash bby, slater. she's messy, so i hope she fits in here!  if u need an enemy, messy ex situation or contemptuous ex-friendship connection, look no further than this bish right here. under the cut you can read about her (she’s a hot mess!!!) and visit her pinterest board here if u’d like (her name is usually rachel but i decided to go wildt and change it *sweats nervously because i actually hate change*). 

( MARGARET QUALLEY / CISFEMALE / SHE/HER ). [ ROMY SLATER ] is a [ TWENTY-ONE ] year old [ UNDERGRAD ] student studying [ JOURNALISM ]. they are known for being [ RESILIENT & PERCEPTIVE ], but also being [ CAPRICIOUS & CONTEMPTIBLE ]. if there was a song that described their life, it would be [ ACRYLIC BY FOG LAKE ].

first thing’s first, you should call her slater. in fact, unless you’re in one of her classes where they take attendance, you probably don’t know her real name is romy. she hates her name and has been going by her last name for as long as she can remember. 

she’s from new york. her dad is very demanding and tempered and her mom is carping, cold and judgmental. so she didn’t grow up in a great situation. 

her dad owns a bunch of properties in the city and in new jersey and they’ve made him very wealthy. they’re mostly crap apartments, motels & strip clubs. he has a lot of criminal ties and is pretty much just a creep.

he has a lot of cops, district attorneys, city council members, deputy mayors etc. on his payroll from bribery and/or blackmail stemming from his strip clubs and the dancers and prostitutes who work there. not to mention his mob affiliation. sooo basically he’s teflon. 

slater’s mom is a social climber who won’t leave her husband despite him being….Not Nice™ since she wants to live lavishly. she’s long island trash...very real housewives

her mom is very selfish and refuses to take any responsibility for the way her life choices have fucked up her daughter while also constantly criticizing slater and her behaviors as if slater just…made herself into the person she is today?? and wasn’t molded by her parents and environment, ya know??

anyway, slater’s mom used to pharmacy shop and put slater on drugs to curb her justified behaviors. like having anxiety due to growing up in a dysfunctional and abusive situation. but she also did it to have slater basically labeled as “mentally ill” and on meds to keep her quiet about their family secrets. so slater has always felt like she’s messed up, even as a kid :///

slater still sees her parents occasionally on breaks and holidays and you can expect her to act out in interesting ways after being forced to go home. 

personality; 

sO! if slater had a label or trope or whatever, she’d totally be the anti-heroine. ya know, the girl who does fucked up shit and can be amoral and you want to hate her but she’s also sympathetic in a way and good (deep down). 

warning: she’s a messy girl to be involved with. she’s got this emptiness inside of her. a hollowness. (hint; it’s depression). she uses anything she can to try and fill it up. drinking, drugs, sex. but she’s incredibly selfish & impulsive in her pursuits and ends up hurting people. a lot. and she always hates herself after but then just does it again.

she’s not a sociopath or narcissist in a clinical sense. she’s actually an insecure, self-conscious ball of anxiety but pushes all that down and plays the Cool Girl role. she does things she knows are wrong and can be a manipulative bitch. then it all eventually bubbles over like a pot on a stove, and paired with the guilt she feels, it causes a few public and many private meltdowns. but she's usually always the source of her own interpersonal issues tbh.

like, you can confront her with receipts of shit she’s done and she’ll just nod and stare at the ground and walk away. but then go into the nearest public bathroom and sob and feel so bad. but then??? still?? never??? apologize???? she’s a trip. 

her aesthetic is uncombed hair, scuffed docs, flannels, torn jeans, tshirts from goodwill with moth holes. doesn’t shower or sleep often and chews her fingernails into stubs. like, she almost makes it a point to just look...Bad.

she gets really good grades because she can be very manic and intense. people in her high school used to tell her she had “crazy eyes” when she got like this because she gets very focused, perfectionistic, talks a mile a minute and you can practically see the gears turning in her brain. she works well under extreme stress, which is why most of her papers are typed up the night before their due date on five cups of coffee and a half pack of cigarettes. 

perceptive of others and can be manipulative and a liar to either a. get what she wants or b. hide her transgressions. she was raised by narcissists so....this is what ya get.

she’s complicated. because on one hand, she wants to be a good person but on the other hand, she fucks people over and betrays people a lot. 

i actually have a headcanon of how she lost her core group of high school friends that’s a good insight into her M.O. if you'd like to hear it:

so senior year slater got drunk and slept with her best friend alyssa’s boyfriend. she didn’t do it to be malicious. but she was too selfish, drunk & thinking about herself to care about how fucked up it was. she felt so bad about it but then caved and did it again and they had an affair. slater eventually broke it off, bottled up her guilt, continued the friendship with alyssa.

soon after, alyssa got pregnant by the same boyfriend. slater knew that alyssa’s bf was trash and supported her friend through an abortion.

but THEN, the boyfriend came clean and admitted the affair long after the fact. so alyssa thought slater supported her abortion for selfish gains because SHE wanted her boyfriend and (rightfully) felt betrayed. when in actuality, slater had long since stopped fucking him and only wanted what was best for alyssa when she supported her through the abortion. SO she did a bad thing in the past but still had good intentions. however, the past came back to bite her and she lost everything. don't get me wrong, she's not the victim in this situation. she fucked up. but not in the way her friends thought. so when she held her best friend's hand in the procedure, that came from a real place of love and she thought she was doing the right thing. however, she did do unforgivable things to the friend she loved. like i said, she's complicated because you can't outright say she's a soulless monster but you also can't justify or support her actions. 

YEAH! that’s my messy slater. she can never make it out of a situation as the good guy. she makes mistakes that are unjustifiable but she has a good heart and isn’t a horrible person inside. she doesn’t know why she is the way she is but she hates it tbh. she hates the things she does and the way she feels. but she just!!! keeps!!! fucking people over!!!! like, there’s no sugarcoating it: she’s done some terrible things for awful reasons and never apologized for any of it. but she regrets. she just can’t seem to break the cycle. (she's v much inspired by rachel goldberg from unreal as well as gretchen cutler from you're the worst, mickey dobbs from love, camille preaker from sharp objects and mavis gary from the film young adult!!)

plots;

i’m a HOE for drama, as you can probably tell my my angsty, messy character.

so maybe ex-boyfriends on bad terms or ex-friends. someone slater fucked over n won’t take responsibility for what she did

OR someone who fucked slater over for a change. taste of her own medicine tbh

maybe someone naive and innocent she can corrupt since misery loves company

childhood friends or enemies, family friends, a cousin maybe? characters with criminal connects who maybe know her dad??

fellow journalism majors that hate her for giving journalism a bad name cuz they’re actually dedicated to journalism and integrity n slater sleeps with sources and barely ever shows up or turns things in on time lmao

a professor she’s fucking lol idk 

someone who can see her at her worst. 

someone who’s innocent and good and slater actually tries to protect them, like a sisterly bond

trouble-maker, burnout friends. or toxic friendships

friends with benefits 

[thorndale-industries]

On Robert’s and Gillian’s Relationship

So, to my surprise a bunch of people approached me lately, asking about the relationship and dynamics Robert and Gillian have. I decided to write this little overview to give you a basic insight and to show you how they progress.

First of all, I want to point out at the very beginning that both of them are narcissistic, abusive, and sociopathic. They (emotionally) abused all of their previous partners as they did not really care about them and rather used them to full fill certain needs while barely giving anything back. One of the biggest issues is that both are skilled smooth talkers and charmers, who know how to  to charm the pants off someone. Their relationship to each other might appear as very affectionate and loving (and it is after a certain point), and I will try my best to explain to you why this is so.

2017-2020: Robert and Gillian first meet in 2017, when Morgan invites them both to dinner at his please and introducing his new student to Gillian, saying that the two of them will be working together in the future and he (Robert) might be a good recruit for Majestic 12. Two very strong and stubborn personalities clash against each other that night, both unwilling to step back just in the slightest and quickly a very toxic and tensed atmosphere between them arises.

Gillian hates Robert for having a choice to join the Illuminati, while she had been forced to be there since birth. She had to live under their rule, never had the taste of freedom the young man in front of her enjoys so greatly. She becomes jealous, envious, furious. She starts to point out every single flaw he has to undermine his competence, trying her best to get him kicked out of the Order. He is nothing but a beggar in fine clothes, pretending to be part of the Adult’s Club while rolling himself in mud - he is not worthy to be where he is, to be offered the chance to rise to the sun. Of course Robert refused to be the inferior Gillian tried him to be, and he fought back whenever he could.

The first change in their dynamic happens more than a year later in late 2018, when there is an outbreak in the VersaLife lab at Omega Ranch, killing big parts of the population of Singapore. The evening Robert gets the news about the incident, he is desperate enough to visit Gillian in his seek for help since he was in Paris and no one else answered his calls. While she did not take it very well that he showed up unannounced and told him that this is how the game is played and he needs to get used to this, she slowly realized how much he actually gets used by the higher ranked members of the Illuminati. She starts to see how Robert is just a puppet as a low ranking member, someone who gets thrown under the bus when necessary -  she starts to see a bit of herself in him. Her attitude towards him remains apathetic and stoic, harsh, but internally the ice slowly breaks.

A month later she visits him at his home in San Francisco, and although she does not outright apologize for behaviour as she is still convinced that she did nothing wrong and Robert is not suitable for the Order, she offers him a deal of partnership. Her previous attempts of getting him kicked out have failed, so she decided to turn him into an useful tool, one she could shape as she desires. They start to date quickly after this, but it mostly based on the mutual respect that they slowly accept and to take care of the tension between them. Their relationship is not really affectionate or driven by love, they are pretty casual and how they treat each other -  a way of satisfying certain personal needs. But  in its core they are still not highly in favour of the other, falling back into the abusive and narcissistic patterns they both have, but there is one thing none of them expected: They met an equal.

Over the next 2 years Gillian teaches him many secrets about the Order, actively promoting the unusual career the man makes to make him a powerful ally against the Council. Her goals are egoistic and selfish, just as much as he uses her to gain knowledge he wouldn’t be able to get otherwise, but over the time, the more time they spent together, the closer they grow. Gillian realized that her intentions shift from solely getting a strong ally for her own personal fight to wanting to protect the man from all the misery, lies and games she had to go through herself. She wants to protect him from all the pain the Council causes as he blindly stepped into this mess - and she can’t really tell why she cares for him out of the sudden. She feels like a distant observer, seeing a man getting on the path she had to walk on once, and she wants to yell and warn him to not do this. And she involuntarily starts to become softer around him. Robert on the other side notices that the white haired woman he used to fight and yell with does indeed care for him, doing more for him than was necessary, and instead of using this once again to his advantage, he reacts the same way. Finally, he is able to breath out and let all the weight from his chest fall off without fearing of being backstabbed. They start to bond through a mutual goal, and they become a team.

2020-2025: As the power couple starts to become an actual couple that stays together out of love and affection, their main focus is still their work and achieving what they want, together. They now know that the other is not an enemy, an obstacle in their way, but instead a helping hand that makes the climb easier. And someone who will catch you in case you might fall down.  

While their professional relationship gets stronger by the day, they still struggle in their private life. Both of them are not the easiest people to be around with, and they are both used to fight and demand in order to survive -  they never learned how to give. And they have to learn that there is someone else in their life now. But they are both willing to work on their rocky relationship as they see how much it benefits them in many ways, and how they both long for each other in many different ways and feel cold and left alone without the other. Over time, they feel like the other fills the deep gaps and holes they have, two broken pieces that only need a certain level of finishing, get a bit smoother around the edges to fit together perfectly. And they finally admit that what they feel is love.

Robert and Gillian are opposites in many ways like fire and ice -  Robert the hot tempered, easily angered man who constantly seems to be tensed and ready to throw a tantrum and Gillian, a woman who always appears calm and collected. A woman patient enough to endure the outbreaks the man has, never leaving his side. 

They get engaged in 2024 and marry in the following year, willing to stay together in public as business partners and in private as caring and loving married people. Until death tears us apart.

They even get a dog a few months later after the ceremony.

2025-2052:  Their bond gets stronger and stronger, and more and more they start to see each other as one. They plot together, work together, live together while still maintaining enough independence. They become a deeply connected couple, caring for each other, but to everyone else their attitude becomes worse and more cold over time. They are a unity, but one that is united in their hate towards everyone who stands in their way. The toxicity and abusive behaviour among them is mostly gone, but in reality it only shifted to everyone else around them.

Robert and Gillian start to get lost in their shared god complex, believing they were chosen to rule the world as King and Queen -  the only ones capable to take care of humanity. And they don’t back off from doing everything to achieve the role they perceive as being withdrawn by the Council. And so, they push each other deeper into this mad fantasy, making everything worse. Their hunger for power becomes insatiable. 

Together they overthrow the Illuminati, force the other members into hiding who they see as their real abusers and people who actively prevent the world from progressing. In their own distorted world Robert and Gillian see themselves as the saviours of humanity, freeing it from the chocking grip of old people who lost their touch to everyone a long time ago and only abused their power for their own goals. They are the perfect beings the Illuminati always talked about, they are the ones who are worthy of true leadership. 

Prior and during the events of Deus Ex 1, their relationship becomes more unstable, especially because of Gillian. She shows resistance towards the plan of her husband becoming a God through merging with an AI. Not only because she is convinced that the technology is not ready yet and will only lead to his death, she is selfish and egoistic and refuses to let him go. She has to accept to sacrifice him for the greater goal, since this is what they worked so hard for for decades.

They both know it won’t be like it used to be anymore, and this realization creates the strongest bond they ever had before it changes forever. 

[chriscanwell]

This article talks about the dangers of narcissistic women. How to spot narcissistic women and the best way to deal with them to avoid getting hurt.

Signs Your Dating a Narcissist

You often feel manipulated

You never feel good enough

You feel exploited and used

They lie without remorse

They are arrogant and demeaning

Their life and history is chaotic and messy

They attack you and attempt to bully you

They ghost you and disappear from your life

When we think of sociopaths and psychopaths, we generally think of men. The Golden State Killer, The Night Stalker, Jack The Ripper—all men. But what about women?

Anti-Social, narcissistic and Machiavellian behavior that is found in women generally flies under the radar. 

Narcissistic women aren’t using outright aggression and violence to terrorize their victims. Instead, they use manipulation and covert bullying to terrorize the people in their life.

The female narcissist is the true personification of a wolf in sheep’s clothing.

She appears in the form of a sweet, innocent girl, a kind-hearted mother, a vivacious, energetic, joyful women, a kind, old grandmother––yet her motivations are often sinister and dark.

Deep beneath that sweet exterior lies something much more sinister: there lies a desire to destroy, hurt, and manipulate.

So why do female narcissists behave this way? What do they want? And what feeds this darkness within their soul?

Narcissistic women want, in no order of preference: power, dominance, control, wealth, status, resources; and, most disturbing of all, a desire to inflict pain on others, which leads to a sense of fulfillment and deep satisfaction on the part of the narcissist. 

It should be noted that both men and women find themselves victims of the female narcissist, although usually in different ways.

Female victims are used to serve, feed and support the narcissistic woman’s ego, to serve her bidding like a servant serves its master. 

While male victims are used to provide the narcissistic woman with attention, status and resources until the man is milked dry and is of no further use.

The Creation of the Narcissist

Much like a psychopath, the early warning signs for a female narcissist are evident in childhood.

Similar to psychopathy, narcissism is genetic in nature and is an inherited trait.

Narcissim is, after all, a mental disorder, which is believed to affect approximately 1% of the general population. (That’s approximately 3.27 million narcissists in the US alone.)

Narcissistic personality disorder is classified by the DSM-5 as one of the Cluster B Personality Disorders. These Cluster B personality disorders include Borderline Personality, Histrionic Personality and Antisocial Personality. 

An interesting study carried out by researchers at the University of Germany found that people with narcissistic personality disorder have problems with the right anterior insular cortex in the brain. This is the part of the brain that is responsible for empathy.

The little girl who gangs up on other children in the playground has the potential to develop into a fully formed malignant narcissist.

That “catty girl” in high school who victimizes other girls and verbally attacks boys is a strong contender for adult narcissism.

The “office bitch” who disrupts the workplace, attacking lower ranked colleagues while "kissing managements’ ass" is most likely a functioning narcissist.

In the workplace, the narcissist will often see other co-workers as potentially abusive and threatening. As a result, the female narcissist is frequently triggered because her self-esteem is so fragile.

Traits of Narcissistic Women

Narcissist women are first and foremost—shameless (although they can feel great shame).

Narcissists distort reality

They are hyper-sensitive

They can do no wrong

They see themselves as perfect

They are arrogant and entitled

They have no problem exploiting others

They lack empathy and concern for others

Narcissists don't respect boundaries and personal space

Narcissists are not constrained by society, nor do they care what other people want. They don't feel guilty about this and they don't feel shame.

The narcissist doesn’t want to confront feelings of shame because shame is an attack on their ego and valuable sense of self.

Instead, narcissists edge towards feelings of guilt for their actions. In this way, it is not her actions that are bad or evil, as her intentions were good (she was simply defending herself).

Tied to this, narcissists distort reality, believing themselves to be perfect. It is everyone else who is wrong and evil. 

By far the most obvious narcissistic traits are arrogance and entitlement. The narcissist woman believes that she deserves the best treatment, favoritism, and that she should be “worshipped” by others.

If you worship a narcissist, you might be pathetic, but you are certainly useful in so much that you help to uphold her fragile ego and self-esteem.

These narcissistic traits lead to two dangerous byproducts: exploitation and bad boundaries. 

The narcissistic woman has no hesitation when it comes to exploiting other people for her benefit.

She doesn’t care what other people want or need. As a result, the narcissist struggles to hold together friendships and her romantic life is a chaotic mess.

Narcissists do not respect boundaries either. You are there to serve her needs. 

If a narcissistic woman continually infringes upon your personal space and crosses your personal boundaries, they are most likely a narcissist who sees you as an extension of herself, someone who is there to serve her needs and raise her up.

This all leads to a thoroughly unpleasant experience when it comes to interacting with narcissists.

This is also why it’s so important to be able to spot a narcissistic woman, so you can protect yourself and your family from being drawn into her toxic web of destruction.

How to Spot A Female Narcissist

When you know what to look for, it’s easy to spot narcissistic women. The best advice I can give you (on top of the information listed below) is to listen to your gut. 

If something feels wrong, it probably is wrong and you need to pay close attention to your instincts. Ignore these early warning signs at your own peril.

She Bad Mouths People

The first thing you might notice about a female narcissist is her propensity to bad mouth people. 

She is often callous, vicious and lacking in empathy when it comes to dealing with other people. She has a mean tongue and thinks nothing of bad mouthing co-workers and friends.

I once worked with a classic female narcissist who would refer to other colleagues as “idiots,” “morons,” “freaks,” and “retards.” I heard all this on my first day at work and it was an instant red-flag. 

If you come across a woman who constantly bad mouths other people, it’s not a question of WILL she bad mouth you? It's a question of WHEN will she bad mouth you? There are no exceptions to this rule.

She Is Attractive (or tries hard to be)

Narcissistic women are often attractive and make a great first impression. They dress to impress and go out of their way to look good. 

Because the narcissist is so focused on herself, she pays particular attention to her style and appearance. She will often wear flashy or expensive clothes (even when it feels inappropriate or out of place to do so).

A narcissist can be physically unattractive, yet see herself as the most attractive person in the world. 

Furthermore, the narcissistic woman will frequently use cosmetic enhancements to improve her appearance. 

She will think nothing of getting breast implants, liposuction, nose jobs, and facelifts it these surgeries mean that she can gain more followers and have more influence, thus increasing her status.

She Brings Chaos Into Your Life

Your life was running smoothly until you met the narcissist. Narcissistic women feed off drama by creating pain and suffering in their victims.

It doesn’t matter what you think or feel. It doesn’t matter if you get hurt because your emotions and feelings aren’t important.

All that’s important is the narcissist's needs.

The world revolves around the narcissist and her selfish emotions. Anything that raises her up, makes her feel better, advances her position in life is all that counts. 

As a result, when you interact with narcissistic women you will notice that you have to deal with a LOT of unnecessary drama and problems.

Expect hysterical tantrums, manipulation, verbal abuse, especailly if you are unable to meet the narcissist's needs. And God help you if you’re dating a narcissistic woman. Life will get messy fast.

She's Ignorant and Obnoxious 

Just because a woman is a narcissist doesn’t mean she is intelligent or smart.

In fact, in my interactions with narcissistic women, I have come to view them as particularly blinkered and obnoxious to the point of stupidity.

The narcissist's self-focus and obsession with themselves blinds them to the realities of life and the needs of other people.

They are often so self-obsessed that they only talk about themselves, their needs, their emotions, their desires. It’s all about them as they see themselves as the most interesting and important person on earth. 

They are rarely, if ever, interested in other people unless they can get something from another person.

Often, when you meet a narcissistic women one thought will run through your mind: God, I can’t stand this person. They’re so vain, obnoxious, and overbearing.

She's An Attention Whore

Narcissistic women have huge egos. They are, what you might call, ego monsters. They crave recognition, power, and status.

You might sense that someone who posts lots of pictures on social media is narcissistic, but the true narcissist will take this to the extreme, posting excessive amounts of pictures on social media (featuring themselves and their “glamours” lifestyle).

Indeed, a study carried out by Researchers at Swansea University found that excessive use of social media, in particular, selfies and images, are associated with high levels of narcissism. 

With that said, the extreme narcissist, at her core, has an extreme fear of death and imperfection.

To overcome this fear of death, the narcissist creates a distortion field to protect herself from the imperfections of the world and keep her sense of self intact.

Any attempt to criticize the narcissist or to say something that shatters her sense of self will be met with extreme resistance and anger.

She Sucks Your Emotions and Takes Your Money

After interacting with a narcissist, you will often feel emotionally drained. Narcissists are emotional vampires in the truest sense of the word.

They care nothing for your feelings. They have no empathy or sympathy and will think nothing of causing you stress and turmoil. 

A classic example of this is when you tell a narcissist that you’re busy or unavailable and they continue to blow up your phone with messages and phone calls.

Why? Because they don’t care if you’re busy or unavailable, it’s all about what they want—you’re emotions and feelings are of no importance.

If you deal with a narcissist prepare to be left feeling emotionally drained and exhausted. Trying to please a narcissist is an exercise in futility.

You can throw as much attention, money and support at a narcissist and it will never be enough—a narcissist is essentially a human black hole. 

If you’re dating a narcissistic woman, you will notice that she tries to go after your resources. She will spend your money and take things from you without thinking twice.

A classic example of this is a woman who asks a man to buy her things, or encourages the man to spend money on her, all the while offering nothing in return.

Sometimes the narcissist will trade resources for sex, but not always. 

Often the narcissist will offer the “promise of sex” or a “romantic relationship” with no intention of ever allowing a strong emotional or physical connection to take place.

You will be left feeling used and abused. You will feel manipulated. And you will feel a strong imbalance in a relationship with a narcissist.

The narcissist will think nothing of sucking you dry and will get all cut up when you refuse to buy her things or give in to her manipulative demands.

One narcissistic woman, who was dating a friend of mine, used to strip down naked and strut around the bedroom saying, “You can look but you can’t touch… next time you can touch.”

She would tease this man to the point of cruelty. 

One time she even knelt over on the bed and spread her ass cheeks inviting the man to come to her her and take her from behind.

Right before the man had a chance to come close, the narcissistic woman would pull away, reprimanding the man for being sex obsessed.

This was classic narcissistic female behavior. Draw the man in, get him on the hook, promise more, then control and manipulate him to her advantage. 

What did she get out of the arrangement? Luxury weekends, gifts, and attention from a high-status man.

What did the man get? Nothing. Nothing but cruelty and frustration. 

If you’re dating a narcissist, they will (implicitly or explicitly) offer the promise of more as they take as much (support, attention, validation and money) from you as they possibly can.

You’re a Hero, then You're Zero

What makes the female narcissist so disturbing is her ability to draw people into her web so easily.

When you first meet a narcissist, they will often make you feel like the most important person in the world. This is especially true if you are useful to them.

If you’re in a higher position at work, have high status, wealth, or social value—the narcissist will notice, and, much like the psychopath, they will use you for their own gain.

The treatment you receive from a narcissist will often be night and day, deepening upon who you are as a person.

If you have high social status and wealth, a narcissist will treat you well in order to piggyback off your success. 

If you have low social status and an average income your interactions with narcissistic women will be frosty and unpleasant.

You are of no real use to a narcissist, unless you’re working for them or working to advance their position. 

If a woman enters your life and flatters you and gives you extra attention, be careful, you might be dealing with a narcissist. 

A relationship with narcissist follows this path: you’re Charmed, then You’re Harmed.

If she makes you feel like a hero and she tries to rush the seduction, this is also a huge red flag.

Be wary of people who want to get too close to you too soon, they usually have ulterior motives.

Similarly, if you meet a woman and she is dismissive or rude towards you for no apparent reason, there’s a good chance you’re dealing with a narcissist.

She's Had Many Relationships

Sit down with a narcissistic woman and you will hear stories of all the terrible men in her life. She will have had many boyfriend and has possibly been divorced numerous times.

The destruction of her relationships is never her fault. The man was "an asshole,” “abusive,” “mean,” “self-centered,” “manipulative,” “aggressive.”

(Note: the terms she uses to describe her past relationships are often a projection of her own behavior.)

One thing is for sure, narcissistic women have many concurrent and past relationships. Their social life and love life is a mess. If you expect to be treated any differently, you’re in for a big surprise.

If you're dating a narcissistic woman, there's a good chance she'll disappear from your life and ghost you without warning. This usually happens when she meets another man who has more status and wealth. If there's one thing a narcissist is good at it's monkey-branching.

People Love Her or Hate Her

One of the best ways to diagnose a psychopath is to interview their friends and family and hear what they have to say about the person.

In the case of psychopaths, responses will usually vary in the extreme—from "this person is amazing" to "this person is the most horrible person I have ever met."

Narcissists are the same. Talk to the people in a narcissists life and opinions of the person will vary from one extreme to another. People will either love the narcissist or they will hate her. 

Most relationships with a narcissistic woman progress from extreme like to extreme dislike in a relatively short space of time. 

She's Skilled at Psychological Torture

The sweet, little girl who starts out life as a difficult child in the playground, before graduating to bullying in high school is simply refining and improving her narcissistic traits as she prepares to enter adulthood.

By the time the narcissistic woman enters the workplace, she is often skilled at psychological manipulation. 

She can smell weakness and vulnerability in men (and women) like a shark smells blood. The narcissistic woman knows how to target people and exploit weakness.

When dating a narcissist, expect her to make you jealous, pitting men against you and using other men as proxy weapons for her own advantage. 

She will go out of her way to punish you and make you feel jealous. If you notice this behavior, then she is most likely a narcissist who uses men for her own personal gain.

Furthermore, she will threaten you (in an extreme way) and cause unnecessary drama as she continues to bring turmoil into your life. 

You will struggle to engage with the narcissist in a rational way. She will twist your words and accuse you of doing things you haven’t done. 

In other words, she is always right, and you are always wrong.

Expect extreme over-reaction when dealing with a narcissist. Her reactions and behavior will always seem extreme and over-the-top with high levels of jealousy, anger, rage, and exploitation characterizing your relationship.

She’s Manipulative

Throughout history, narcissistic women have used their psychological prowess to manipulate men and get them to do their bidding. 

A narcissistic woman can psychologically manipulate a man in any number of ways. Most of the time, these women will use their emotions as a form of psychological attack. 

And it’s certainly not uncommon for a woman to "fake" her emotions in a strategic bid to unsettle a man. 

Guilt trips, threats, bouts of anger, crying, and temper tantrums are all forms of psychological manipulation that women use to break a man down. 

A woman might try to make you feel guilty for not behaving a certain way. She might pretend to be angry or sad because you've stepped out of line. 

She might throw a tantrum and act unreasonable. She might become withdrawn and distant. She might even attempt to make you feel ashamed for something you did in the past. 

Of course, when a woman does this, she gets a free pass because she’s just being emotional. She's a woman, she's allowed to act unreasonable. 

In response, men often tell a woman what they think she wants to hear, only to see the situation deteriorate and get worse.

The key to combatting psychological manipulation is to avoid falling into the trap of defending yourself with logic and reason, and see the narcissist's behavior for what it is: pure manipulation.

Narcissistic Women Test to the Extreme

If you feel taken aback by a woman's behavior or a sudden change in her mood, recognize it for what it is—a test. 

You must never allow yourself to be drawn into a woman’s emotions. Instead, you must use a woman’s emotional withdrawal or volatility as an opportunity to project strength. 

A woman might call you a liar, a cheater, a loser. She might even go so far as to tell you that she doesn’t trust you anymore or that she doesn’t love you. But whatever happens, you must never succumb to her emotions—emotions that will burn themselves out in time. 

If you show a woman that nothing she does can unsettle you, she’ll come back to you time and time again with heightened levels of attraction. 

The woman will also learn a valuable lesson in the process: she will realize that she has no emotional control over you whatsoever. Whatever she does or says cannot hurt you. 

With narcissistic women, this testing is even more extreme (and often borderline abusive). The narcissistic women will throw abuse and insults at you with no concern for your feelings.

Because the narcissist sees the world in a binary way (e.g., black/white, good/bad, smart/dumb, young/old), the narcissistic will often hurl insults that are binary in nature:

“You’re so stupid!”

“You’re so ugly!”

“You’re a bitch, not a man!”

“You’re a poor, cheap bastard!”

“You’re an old jobless waste of life!”

“Your mother should have aborted you!”

There is no point trying to defend yourself by getting into a blazing argument, and you certainly must never apologize to a narcissist as apologies are an extreme form of weakness in the narcissist's eyes. 

Just as you should never argue with a drunk, it's a waste of time to argue with a narcissist.

Instead, you must walk away and display a complete lack of indifference to the narcissist's behavior and accusations.

Beware the Malignant Narcissist

The malignant narcissist is the most dangerous and extreme form of narcissism.

When a woman is high on the scale of narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), she is easily triggered and not just a  danger to herself but a danger to others as well.

Malignant narcissism is characterized by a set of antisocial features. These antisocial features include paranoia, aggression, rage, jealousy, need for power, and grandiosity.

On top of this, the malignant narcissist will feel a lack of empathy for others along with a lack of concern and awareness regarding her own actions. 

The reason why malignant narcissists are so dangerous is because they are extremely vindictive and spiteful.

Malignant narcissists have the potential to destroy families and communities (and in some cases, countries e.g., Josef Stalin who terrorized the Russian people with his paranoia and narcissism).

You will often feel as though you are walking on eggshells around these types of narcissists, and they will lash out in anger and seek vengeance against you for the smallest infraction.

Simply disagreeing with their opinion or saying something that they feel is offensive is enough to set them off.

Malignant narcissists are hyper-sensitive and paranoid. They are also power hungry and delusional.

This type of narcissist will even tell lies about themselves and believe their own lies just because they said it, it must be true. 

Many narcissists will use any means possible to attack you if they feel as though you have diminished them in any way, and this is especially true of malignant narcissists.

If you say something even slightly critical to the malignant narcissist she will respond with extreme aggression, anger, and hostility in retaliation. 

If this means leveraging the legal system to her advantage against you, she will do this.

If you trigger a malignant female narcissist, expect a storm of rage to hit you via social media, messages, phone calls, or indirectly through the legal system (as they make false allegations against you).

You can read two disturbing account of vindictive female narcissists below:

One tells the story of a vengeful female narcissist who tries to imprison another woman for a perceived slight against her son.

The other tells the story of two narcissistic women who sought out male victims to exploit for no other reason than acquiring power and control over men.

If you’re lucky, the malignant narcissist will attack you head on with verbal abuse and direct anger.

If you’re unlucky, and happen to meet a more scheming, manipulative narcissist, they will use the legal system against you and attempt to terrorize you via social media and the courts.

The police have a term for dangerous people like this. They are called 50/50s because their actions hover between legal and illegal––that gray, murky area that makes it difficult to press charges.

Terrorizing a man over social media by threatening to tell his colleagues and his family that he is a rapist is illegal—it’s slander.

Only, it’s not illegal if it’s said in such a way as to be ambiguous enough to leave some doubt as to the true nature of the allegation.

If a woman makes a fake account on social media and slowly but surely destroys your life, it’s going to be hard to prove “who did it” and it’s going to be hard to repair the damage, even if you do get a chance to clear your name.

Narcissistic women are often experts at finding this gray area, staying on the border between legal and illegal as they terrorize their target.

What they do is illegal/borderline illegal, but it’s going to be hard to prove it. In the meantime, the narcissist inflicts tremendous amounts of damage and grief upon her victims.

But why? Why do they do this and why do they go to such extremes?

The reason why the malignant narcissist attacks so fiercely is to repair the damage to her fragile ego.

When she destroys your life and brings you down, the narcissist regains a sense of justice and restores her sense of power––power that she believes you stole from her.

Men Who Are Vulnerable to Narcissists

Some men are more vulnerable to narcissistic women than others. The type of men who are most vulnerable to Narcissistic women are as follows:

Lonely men who are desperate for love and affection

Men who need ego validation and appreciation

Men who are missing support and respect in their life

Men who are sexually frustrated and want romance

High status men with lots of money and power

Men who crave drama, risk and entertainment

If you are one of these types of men, you must be extra vigilant around women who suddenly take a keen interest in your life and attempt to ingratiate themselves with you.

How to Deal With Narcissistic Women

When it comes to dealing with narcissistic women, you must remember that any attempt to challenge them will be perceived by the narcissist as a threat.

The narcissist will react with extreme anger, jealousy, and volatility. If you decide to have an ongoing argument or series of conflicts with a narcissist, you will find the whole process extremely tiring and exhausting.

Instead, it is much better to walk away and enforce strict boundaries between yourself and the narcissist. 

Narcissism is simply a mental disorder, and it is certainly possible, if you know what you’re doing, to have a good relationship with a narcissist (like a lion tamer has a relationship with a lion).

Similar to a sweet dessert, the narcissist is best taken in small doses. They are not the type of people you can relax with and have fun. 

The narcissist is a taker, and, as a result, they will leave you feeling exhausted after spending time in their company. 

I have had some "functional" relationships with people who were obvious narcissists, but I have also had some terrible relationships with narcissists. 

Having said that, the narcissist can be quite entertaining. They often live large lives (although a lot this "largeness" is fake).

However, if you want to be regaled with stories of horror, drama, and crazy relationships the narcissist is a good person to speak to.

Just remember to take the narcissist's words with a grain of salt and never allow them to get too close to you.

However, if you want/need to have a functional, working relationship with a narcissist, you must enforce strict boundaries. You must also set strict limits on the amount of time you spend with them.

If you give your time too freely to a narcisssit, they will suck your emotions dry and leave you feeling spent. They will also lose respect for you. 

It is only when you enforce strict boundaries that the narcissist will maintain a modicum of respect for you.

If you find yourself in conflict with a narcissist, walk away. You don’t need to engage them and feed their destructive emotions.

Walk away and cut them off if possible.

You must remember to maintain a separation between yourself and the narcissist at all times. Never allow them to get too emotionally close to you, or allow them to see you as an extension of themself.

Narcissistic Self-Destruction

As life progresses and the narcissist is unable to acquire the type of wealth, status, and perfection their heart desires, the cracks in their fragile self-esteem start to appear.

All narcissists are ultimately on a collision course with reality—it is only a matter of time before they make impact and self-destruct.

As the world slowly chips away at the narcissist’s version of reality, narcissistic denial, delusion and paranoia tends to escalate as a form of compensation. 

This all leads to one very sad conclusion: a life of broken dreams, fractured relationships, and unrealized potential.

In its most extreme form, the narcissist will commit suicide as her disappointment and frustration reaches psychotoic proportions.

While the female narcissist leaves a trail of destruction in her path, at the end of the day, she always ends up alone.

It is very difficult for the narcissist to maintain a loving relationship. They might get married, but their marriage will be purely self-serving and loveless.

The narcissist cannot maintain friendships as their friends are few and far between.

At the end of the day, the narcissist is her own worst enemy, sabotaging any chance at happiness as she continues to live a life devoid of human connection.

[themomsandthecity]

11 Brutal Reasons Your Husband's Ex-Wife HATES You

We're happy to present this article by Jenna Korf from one of our favorite sites, YourTango. When you marry a man who already has children, dealing with his ex-wife can be a real challenge. One woman asked me: "Why does my husband's ex-wife hate me? I've never done anything to her." This woman, like thousands of other stepmoms, feels utterly perplexed by the level of pettiness and outright hostility her husband's ex-wife hurls her way. What's behind all of that animosity? Here are the most common reasons your husband's ex-wife might not think too fondly of you: 1. She doesn't hate you, she hates what you represent. The failure of her marriage, the breakup of her family, the woman her ex-husband became a better man for, the fear that she might have ruined her child's life by not being able to make her marriage work. 2. She's afraid her kids will love you more than they love her. An irrational fear, as the chances of that happening are basically nil, but a common fear nonetheless. 3. She perceives you as overstepping boundaries. This could include you showing up at a parent-teacher conference, forcing the kids to call you "mom" (yes, that does actually happen), disciplining the kids, calling the children "mine," posting pictures of the kids on your Facebook page, trying to co-parent with her by responding to messages sent to your husband, etc. 4. She resents you participating in events she considers "mom" territory. These might include: taking your stepdaughter to buy her first bra or get her first haircut; participating in any sort of cosmetic experience (hair color/new hair style/mani-pedi day); talking to her about the birds and the bees; painting her nails or coloring/cutting her hair the way you like it or similar to yours (even if your stepchild is a teen and she requests this, it could still push Mom's buttons). The same goes for any other life milestone you know Mom will likely want to be there for. 5. She has unresolved grief about her divorce. For a long time, she could just ignore the painful feelings that accompany divorce. She didn't really have to face it. She may even have remarried herself, but she never actually grieved the loss of her marriage and family. Enter you, the stepmom, and suddenly it's all real and it's right in her face. 6. You act as a mirror for her. When she looks at your strengths, all she sees are her weaknesses. If she never thought she was a good business woman and you own your own business, that insecurity is magnified. Same could be said for your intelligence, physical appearance, age, housekeeping skills, creativity, fashion sense, how much her kids enjoy being around you and your happy marriage. 7. She perceives you as doing all the parenting while dad is "let off the hook." Stepmoms often help their husbands out with tending to the children, household duties, and life in general. That's what a marriage is all about: partnership. You shuttle the kids back and forth to school or help with homework, you schedule appointments, etc. Often this has to do with gender roles, but all Mom sees is that at her house she's doing all the work while at yours, you're taking care of the kids and Dad "does nothing but go to work." 8. Now that you've come along, Dad is asking for more parenting time. With your support, your husband may now see that he should exercise his visitation more or that he's now able to provide more stability for his kids. In turn, he requests more parenting time and/or parental input. You'd think this is a good thing, but this change in dynamic can feel threatening and/or scary for Mom. Not everyone likes change. It's easy for her to pinpoint your presence as being responsible for this. 9. She doesn't know you. When Mom sends her kids off to stay with their dad, and this woman she doesn't even know (a.k.a. you) has full access to them, it can feel like she's being a bad parent. She doesn't automatically trust you just because Dad does. But, at the same time, she doesn't necessarily want to meet you. It's a no-win situation for all involved. 10. She sees her ex-husband being a different (better) man with you. It's painful to see the man you think treated you so poorly, treating another women like a princess. She might think he's being a fraud, or she might think "Why wasn't I worthy of being treated like that?" She's possibly still grieving the loss of her marriage even though he's moved on. It's nearly impossible for her to have good feelings towards you when she's still processing - or in denial about - the loss of her life partner and family. 11. You actually did something worthy of her negative feelings. Are you consciously or subconsciously trying to make her look like a bad mom? Do you try to prove to your husband that you're a better wife than she was? Are you trying to make your stepkids love you more than they love her? Do you try to show her up in any way? Do you want the school faculty, PTA or your neighborhood moms to think you're a better caretaker than she is? Take a look at your behavior and your motivations. Have the courage to honestly reflect on how you might contribute to the high-conflict dynamic that exists between you. Jenna Korf is a Certified Stepfamily Coach. You can find her at StepmomHelp.com. More juicy reads from YourTango: * Was Your Ex Actually Insane? How to Spot a Sociopath or Narcissist * My Ex Threatened Me With Revenge Porn - Here's How I Stopped Him * 7 Ways to Keep Their Passive-Aggression From Driving You Nuts http://bit.ly/2n2MVWg

[stetervault]

I'm new to the steter fandom, can you rec some of your favourite or fan favourite fics?

Ugh there’s just so many, but this is a question I’m always willing to answer XD I’ll try to rec fics from a variety of writers, and if you like them, you can check to see if they’ve written others :)

Proposing To Strangers by moonstalker24

At the end of a strained relationship, crime novelist Stiles chooses to hide from the world inside a bar with far too many motorcycles outside it for comfort. Here he’ll meet the man of his dreams, eat food and propose marriage, all within the first five minutes.

Peter doesn’t know who this kid is, but he’s cute and looks like he could use a break. So he feeds him. He’s not expecting a marriage proposal, but with what comes after, he doesn’t really mind.

it’s not the color i came in by nezstorm

Stiles is a bit of an anomaly among the Omegas he knows, or everyone on the spectrum really.

For him, heats are about comfort and safety, and not at all about sex.

Baby Stilinski-Hale by Triangulum

“You’ve been avoiding me,” Peter says. Stiles just shrugs. “Are you going to tell me why, or do I have to guess?” Stiles would love to glare at him and snark back like they always do, but her nerves are just too frayed and she doesn’t have it in her. Peter seems to sense this and frowns, his face morphing into one of concern. “Stiles..?”

He takes a few steps closer, slowly as if he’s trying not to startle her and that makes her want to let out a hysterical laugh, but she keeps it in. He sets his hand on her shoulder, the other going to the side of her neck. He frowns at the way her pulse is racing, as if he needs to physically confirm what his ears are already telling him. She lets him touch her, knowing without even needing to think about it that he won’t hurt her. She does let out a bitter little laugh at that. Well, physically he won’t.

“What is it?” he asks and the genuine concern in his voice almost breaks her. He leans down and stares into her eyes, their faces so close, and she sees his nostrils flare. “You smell…different.”

Well, that’s her cue.

“I’m pregnant,” she whispers.

Or

The one where Peter gets Stiles pregnant and is a big old softie about it.

The Devil You Know by Twisted_Mind

He’s so tired, in every way it’s possible to be tired. He tried going for a walk tonight to prevent a panic attack, and ended up being rescued, dazed and bleeding, by Peter Hale. There are so many things wrong with that sentence he doesn’t even know where to start. Panic attacks. Being stuck inside his brain sucking so hard he needed to be alone and moving. The sense of relief that came with crashing into Peter. He shouldn’t be okay with this. He didn’t give Peter permission to sleep in his bed. His dad will be home soon. Peter’s more than a decade older than him. Peter can’t be trusted.

But he’s tired, and this feels so, so good.

drowning in the sea of you by Corpium

Beacon Hills was perfect for Stiles growing up, but now, with werewolves, hunters, and an anxious best friend running around, it’s turning into a place too chaotic for an empath like Stiles to handle alone. And pain killers can only go so far.

The World That Is Not Ours by Ragga

”Are you sure?” Noah asked as he stared at the plush Claudia was holding. It was a rather scary-looking thing if he had to describe it with just one word. It was some sort of a monster, he thought, and not a wolf like the tag called it. Its hair was slightly coarse, not silky smooth like children’s toys usually were, and a sort of a dark colour; not black but not brown either, just a muddy shade of dark. Its body shape was also rather interesting. It seemed almost disfigured with its back and legs twisted and its snout was long with sharp-looking teeth (which actually weren’t, sharp that is, thankfully). But even those traits weren’t the one Noah objected to. No, that honour belonged to the shining red eyes that seemed to stare into his soul.

“Stiles is going to love him.”

Eventually (I’ll Crash Into You) by ToAStranger

Derek pushes Stiles away to keep him safe.

Stiles more than just leaves.

You’ve Got Me by Inell

Stiles arrives home earlier than expected and finds someone sleeping in his bed.

Baby Boy by SushiOwl

What the heck is FetLife?

Stiles is too curious for his own good, and he can’t help himself, so he joins a website advertising to be a good place for “kinksters.” He just wants to be nosy and see what total strangers are up to. Then he meets Peter, who wants to be called Daddy.

Could Stiles be his baby boy?

Whiskey is My Kind of Lullaby by taylorpotato

Peter is a simple saloon owner on one of the outer planets between the Aaru Belt and the Olympus Galaxy. He’s done with trouble. Done with adventure. So fucking done with rustlers. That is, until a cute young outlaw named Stiles wanders into his bar. Peter has this problem where he can’t seem to resist charming narcissists (perhaps because they remind him of himself). And when said narcissists turn his life upside-down, the worst part is he’s not even that upset about it.

Take Care of Me by Mysenia

Prompt: It was so hard to choose on that list so I won’t instead I’ll go with W and the pairing Peter & Stiles. Peter to Stiles “I take care of you because you’re Pack.” Along with or in place of that one if it doesn’t work for you (still Peter to Stiles.) “I’ve failed you once I won’t do it again.”

According to plan by FeelingsDusk

The plan was very simple: go back in time, kill Kate, kill Gerard, never ever make contact with his parents, try to find a place within the Hale pack or not, but either way, live the rest of his life displaced and without the people he loves.

Of course, as it always is with him these days, nothing goes according to plan.

The Sphinx of Beacon Hills by Guede (Stetopher)

Stiles is a sphinx, and he’s winging his way to visit his buddy Scott when a storm drops him in Beacon Hills, the craziest, crankiest, coldest place ever. And somehow, he ends up with a bunch of werewolves.

Note: Bestiality warning is because the version of sphinx here is lion-shaped from waist down, and I don’t know how else to tag that.

Bite Down by EclipseWing

In which Stiles is forced to survive the zombie apocalypse with a sociopathic murdering werewolf for company.

At the End of All Things (What’s Another Sin?) by Ceris_Malfoy

The first year of her solitary existence had been all about survival.

The second year was learning how to want to survive.

And then the wolf arrives.

The Terrible Things We Do (For Love) by Rrrowr

Being a demon, he’s seen some of the pretty nasty things that humans are willing to do for love. Things that, were he still alive (and human), would make him hesitate to be in a relationship with anyone lest his partner start getting some funny ideas. That said—

“This seems a little desperate for a kid your age,” he says to Stiles.

A welcome arrow by 1001cranes

The wedding is small and grim, because Stiles is being carted off to parts unknown, married to a thirty-something year old dude who wants to marry a seventeen year old dude - totally not creepy at all.

Hold Me Down by sneksonaplane

Waking up in Peter Hale’s bed was weird. Waking up in Peter Hale’s body was even weirder. Stiles had been disoriented and confused when he’d found himself in a plush, king sized bed in an unfamiliar bedroom instead of in his own room (and seriously, why did Peter even need a king sized bed? Why would anyone need a bed that big?) It had all come back to him when he’d glimpsed the body he was inhabiting, one that was shorter but more defined than his own, and older, and kind of hot.

OR

The one where Stiles and Peter swap bodies, Peter relives his adolescence, Stiles suffers, and then suffers a little less when he discovers Peter’s fetlife profile where he’s listed as a submissive seeking a daddy.

Cast in Stone by wynnebat

To think, people would kill for this.

run away and hide with you by Green

Stiles has been taking care of himself for far too long.

Can I Tattoo a Baby? by Elpie (Horribibble)

Before he inked his first tattoo, Stiles Stilinski had filled a dozen sketchbooks.Before he knew what he wanted to do with his life, Stiles Stilinski had a kid to take care of.Before he threw in the towel completely, Stiles Stilinski met Peter Hale.

Life is made up almost exclusively of happy accidents. (And some really terrifying childhood memories.) But that’s okay.

(Really they’re all kind of morons, but the Buffy style asskicking doesn’t hurt.)

Waves that rolled you under by radishwine

AU in which Peter has the good sense to get the hell out of town after killing Laura. He drives up the Pacific coast to the old Hale cabin and stays for a while.

Beyond The Shore by SmartKIN

When Peter Hale leaves Beacon Hills and moves into his family’s lake house, all he expects to find is solitude and freedom.He definitely doesn’t expect the loud-mouthed, too-pretty-for-his-own-good merman who breaks into his house in the middle of the night, unable to curb his curiosity.

Lucky Penny (Tastes Like Copper on Your Tongue) by pibroch (littleblackdog)

When Peter woke up, he spent a good fifteen or twenty seconds earnestly wishing that whatever had hit him had the courtesy to kill him outright. Because this? This was bullshit.

AKA the time I decided to give Peter all the nice things, but made him get hit by a car first. Like you do.

Naughty Hookers (Swathed in Wool) by pprfaith

Stiles is happy with his store, his hobbies, his friends. Peter’s just trying to figure out how to raise his nieces and nephew without fucking them up too badly.

Paths cross.

Red String verse by gryvon

Peter had given up hope of ever finding his soulmate until the red string on his finger leads him to a four-year-old. He’s going to Hell. Or jail. Or both.

If You Want to Sing Out, Sing Out by mia6363

Commander Stilinski looked like he fell out of a propaganda video, his armor still smoking as he pulled off his helmet and handed it off to First Officer Argent. He had a few bruises down his neck but his smile was bright.

“Glad to see you safe and sound, Mr. Hale. I’d hate for Derek to lose a member of his family.”

“I told you,” Derek snapped at his superior, “he’s not worth this, Commander.”

There you go, enjoy ^_^

[sociopath-analysis]

Sociopath Profile: Baroness von Hellman

From the 2021 film Cruella Played by Emma Thompson Requested by an anon and @caroldelblue

[EXTENDED SPOILER VERSION HERE]

The Baroness is the main antagonist of the film and turns out to be a large source of Estella's issues as well. As her boss, it seems that her job is to make everyone's life miserable around her. As a narcissistic psychopath, she shows that the only person who matters is herself.

The Baroness has a notable lack of empathy for others. Because she has been known to have people murdered is a pretty big show of this. One of those people being Estella's adoptive mother, Catherine. When Estella confronts her, she needs to be reminded of who she killed since she doesn't remember.

"You can't care about anyone else. Everyone else is an obstacle."

As mentioned in the intro, she's a narcissistic psychopath, so her ego is one of her most prominent traits. She is outright called a narcissist within the film. She'll consider herself the most important person in the room and at her company simply because she owns it. She'll regularly take ideas from her employees and pass them off as her own and act like she thought of them herself. She'll regularly have everyone stop what they're doing so they can listen to her read articles praising her.

The Baroness also seems to have a sadistic side, playing into a need for stimulation. She seems to enjoy lording her power over others in several ways, one of which is physically harming them. She cuts Estella's arm while she was working on an outfit. Not only does she not apologize, she asks another employee if she can find a shade of red that matches her blood, seemingly fascinated by it.

While she is a bitch to her employees, she can be superficially charming when around elites. During fashion shows, she always puts on her best face and schmoozes up to others when it benefits her. She also has to present herself in the best light if she wants people to praise her and feed her ego.

All culminating in a lack of remorse for all her horrible deeds. It seems that the Baroness takes pride in her cruelty, never apologizing for anything. Not her cutthroat behavior, not her stealing ideas from her employees, not her abuse of them, and not her murder of others. The only thing that would stop her is the prospect of being caught for her crimes.

Cruella: You killed my mother! Baroness: You're going to have to be more specific...

The Baroness is someone who Cruella isn't even in her worst versions. While more restrained than most versions, she is even more psychopathic underneath her exterior.

Female Sociopath List

Disney Sociopath List

[foursprout-blog]

The Narcissistic Conspiracy: Scapegoating, Smear Campaigns And Black Sheep – How Narcissistic Groups Bully Their Chosen Victims

New Post has been published on http://foursprout.com/happiness/the-narcissistic-conspiracy-scapegoating-smear-campaigns-and-black-sheep-how-narcissistic-groups-bully-their-chosen-victims/

The Narcissistic Conspiracy: Scapegoating, Smear Campaigns And Black Sheep – How Narcissistic Groups Bully Their Chosen Victims

God & Man

When we speak about narcissism, we often focus on the individual. He or she is narcissistic. He or she is a victim of a narcissist. Yet what about those victims who are bullied and targeted by groups filled with narcissistic individuals or in a group where the narcissistic pack leader has toxic enablers? What happens when there is a conspiracy led by an entire group against one individual?

Contrary to popular belief, narcissism can and does run in group dynamics too – it just plays out on an even more massive and destructive scale. Rather than one partner abusing another, there is an entire group working to undermine and plot against a chosen target.

The frontrunners of such a group use enablers or what is colloquially termed “flying monkeys” to ensure that the recipients of such bullying is properly silenced (Stines, 2017). This is also known as “mobbing,” where a toxic individual enlists the help of others to carry out his or her vicious campaign and dirty work against another individual (Duffy, 2013).

We see this unhealthy, abusive dynamic play out within the realm of the narcissistic family unity, friendship circles, workplaces and anywhere there is a possibility for bullying. This form of conspiracy may not be technically “illegal,” but it poses great harm to those who are targeted. The target suffers through unbelievable emotional, verbal, perhaps even physical abuse at the hands of the toxic group, who uses them as a scapegoat for the group’s problems and deviant desires.

Therapist Christine Hammond (2017) writes that:

“The purpose of a scapegoat is to pass responsibility onto someone else. Usually this person is unsuspecting at first and agrees because they are trying to get along with others. This technique of passing the buck is very common with narcissists, sociopaths, and addicts. Narcissists can’t allow their ego to be tarnished by an error. Sociopaths do it for the sport of it.”

For an excellent example of how a narcissistic group dynamic can undermine and scapegoat one individual, one needs to look no farther than the devastating bullying Today Show co-host Ann Curry suffered under the reign of Matt Lauer (who has now been exposed as a sexual predator) and her colleagues back in 2011.

According to Vulture, executive producer Jim Bell reportedly launched what was known as “Operation Bambi,” a mission to eradicate Curry from the team, early on in her employment (he denies this, of course). She was subjected to not only Lauer’s mistreatment but also exclusion, taunting and bullying by her other colleagues as a result. In 2012, a clearly traumatized Curry was forced to leave the show in a highly televised exit despite the fact that she was, and remains today, a highly talented, empathic and one-of-a-kind journalist. In fact, NBC lost more than a fifth of its audience after her departure.

This example illustrates something deeply important: groups with one or more sociopaths do not target people who are incompetent. On the contrary, they target those who threaten the status quo in some way.

Curry represented the type of conscientious, empathic and sincere person that juxtaposed Lauer’s own predatory personality and threatened the group dynamic of keeping toxic behavior under the wraps. Since the corporate world tends to favor and promote sociopathic individuals, they chose Lauer’s preferences over Curry’s potential and incredible abilities to connect with her viewers in a deeply compassionate way.

The narcissistic group feeds upon the victim’s insecurities and vulnerabilities to ensure that the victim feels powerless. They identify the wounds and weaknesses of the target and use the target’s strengths against him or her. They find ways to covertly abuse the victim so they can escape accountability for their actions. The victim is made to feel like and look like the “crazy” one – and everyone is able to avoid individual responsibility for inflicting harm and participating in the conspiracy.

In all narcissistic “conspiracies,” this scapegoat is a “black sheep” who is treated like an outsider of the group. This chosen black sheep is then terrorized, taunted, excluded, persecuted and becomes the site of many projections or unfair blame for the mistakes of the narcissistic group. The group has no problem using the victim to advance their agenda or add to their resources, but they fail to recognize or reward the efforts of that individual in a fair way. In fact, the harder the scapegoat works to win the approval of the group, the more the scapegoat is persecuted.

Since the group is usually led by one or more narcissistic or sociopathic individuals, very little mercy or empathy is given to the victim. The victim suffers emotional terrorism at the hands of ruthless individuals who prey on his or her vulnerabilities and weaknesses. Narcissists and sociopaths usually choose those they are envious of and threatened by. These victims are exploited for their strengths, but taunted, teased and made to feel like outsiders, just as Curry was. The alienation takes a toll on victims of group bullying, as they may isolate themselves even more just to avoid further persecution.

How And Why Is The Victim Chosen?

The target that is chosen to be bullied, excluded, and ostracized from the group is one that is threatening in some way. It could be because they threaten the narcissistic leaders or enablers in their intelligence, appearance, resources, wealth, independence – or whatever other quality that evokes their envy or fear.

In the dynamics of a family with one or more narcissistic individuals as caregivers, the scapegoat is the child or children who are most devalued and demeaned, made to feel less than. They are pitted against the “golden children” and triangulated so that there is a sense of competition, distrust and supreme allegiance to the narcissistic parent or parents in the household.

In a group that is not familial, such as friendship circles or the workplace, the chosen victim is usually someone new to the group or a long-standing member who “dares” to question the authority of the narcissists or sociopaths within that group and is thus excommunicated.

These victims may at first be idealized and love-bombed. They are “groomed” to feel like a part of the group, which often has many cult-like qualities which discourage dissent and discussion. There are implicit rules to never unmask the toxicity of the group or its decisions. Questions are always met with ambiguous or vague answers or outright reprimands and punishment.

So long as the victim abides by these silent rules, they win temporary safety through their obedience. The authority of the narcissistic members of the group is upholded as the final say, regardless of fairness or equity. As soon as the victim starts to question the dynamics of the group, however, or the group feels like the new victim might potentially “overthrow” the hierarchy in some way, the victim is then “put back” in his or her place.

They may be publicly humiliated in front of other members of the group, they may be dismissed, they may be shut down and stonewalled. They may have an ongoing smear campaign against them by the leaders or enablers of those leaders regarding their character, stability and ability to be within the group. It is easy to make the victims of group bullying seem like the unhinged ones – the most abusive people, the leaders of the group, work hard to drive their targets over the edge and push all of their emotional buttons.

Groupthink and The Bystander Effect 

Not all group members of the cult-like conspiracy are unempathic, but when they participate in enabling behavior, it creates a collective consciousness, what psychologists call “groupthink” in which a narcissistic unit works together to render the victim powerless enough so that the victim either feels unable to exit or even becomes “trauma-bonded” in some way to the group as a way to survive (Rosenblum, 1982). Those who see the victims being bullied and yet fail to do anything about it are following what it known as “The Bystander Effect,” in which individuals feel as if they don’t have to intervene, especially as the group gets larger, because personal accountability is diminished (Hortensius & Gelder, 2014).

The chosen target usually has empathy, resilience and is authentic in their integrity. They are agreeable, kind and conscientious to a fault.. They are open and willing to consider other perspectives, so they are taken advantage of easily by narcissistic leaders and their enablers. This is very threatening to a group that works best without integrity or fairness. These are all qualities narcissists look for to ensnare their victims, but of course, most narcissistic groups realize that such qualities also make these victims powerful as well. Truth-tellers are commonly scapegoated in groups where there is toxicity brimming beneath the surface.

The target fulfills the following roles:

As a convenient scapegoat. They take the blame for any errors or mistakes the narcissistic group or leaders don’t want to be held accountable for.

They become the outlet for any projections, rage, dissatisfaction that the group wants to dump on them.

A target for an ongoing smear campaign in which the narcissistic individuals involved spread rumors, gossip and misinformation to make you look like a “troublemaker.” This ensures that other group members also fear calling out the toxic dynamics of the group because they don’t wish to be associated with you or your “antics.”

To obscure the truth and further the group’s selfish agenda, whatever that might be.

They stroke the narcissist’s ego – they are made to feel diminished so that the narcissists in the group feel superior. It feels especially gratifying for them to take down a person who is more successful and well-liked (at least initially before scapegoating begins) than they are.

They are used to strengthen closer alliances among the already existing cliques in the group. Membership in the group is emphasized and seen as exclusive and coveted because there are “outsiders” who can’t get in.

If you are a scapegoat or a black sheep, take heart. You were chosen because you have the qualities that narcissists lack. You were chosen because you were threatening. You were chosen because you were powerful. They saw that power in you, and they wanted to take it away.

Though it appears now that wolves in sheep’s clothing rule the world, it is actually scapegoats who have the power and ability to lead others – authentically.

When the black sheep finds community, validation and resources to help them thrive after the experiences of being persecuted and alienated, they reconnect with the amazing qualities that made them a target in the first place. Rest assured that karma does come for those who conspired against them – and predators like Lauer are always eventually exposed in due time.

Scapegoats can and will rise above the conspiracy – and they can grow stronger in spite of it.

References

Duffy, M. & Sperry, L. (2013). Overcoming Mobbing: A Recovery Guide for Workplace Aggression and Bullying. USA: Oxford University Press.

Hammond, C. (2017, August 24). How not to be a scapegoat. Psych Central. Retrieved March 22, 2018.

Hortensius, R., & Gelder, B. D. (2014). The neural basis of the bystander effect.€” The influence of group size on neural activity when witnessing an emergency. NeuroImage, 93, 53-58. doi:10.1016/j.neuroimage.2014.02.025

Rosenblum, E. H. (1982). Groupthink: One peril of group cohesiveness. JONA: The Journal of Nursing Administration, 12(4). doi:10.1097/00005110-198204000-00007

Stines, S. (2017, May 17). The Narcissist’s Fan Club (aka Flying Monkeys). Psych Central. Retrieved March 22, 2018.

[foursprouthappiness-blog]

The Narcissistic Conspiracy: Scapegoating, Smear Campaigns And Black Sheep – How Narcissistic Groups Bully Their Chosen Victims

New Post has been published on http://foursprout.com/happiness/the-narcissistic-conspiracy-scapegoating-smear-campaigns-and-black-sheep-how-narcissistic-groups-bully-their-chosen-victims/

The Narcissistic Conspiracy: Scapegoating, Smear Campaigns And Black Sheep – How Narcissistic Groups Bully Their Chosen Victims

God & Man

When we speak about narcissism, we often focus on the individual. He or she is narcissistic. He or she is a victim of a narcissist. Yet what about those victims who are bullied and targeted by groups filled with narcissistic individuals or in a group where the narcissistic pack leader has toxic enablers? What happens when there is a conspiracy led by an entire group against one individual?

Contrary to popular belief, narcissism can and does run in group dynamics too – it just plays out on an even more massive and destructive scale. Rather than one partner abusing another, there is an entire group working to undermine and plot against a chosen target.

The frontrunners of such a group use enablers or what is colloquially termed “flying monkeys” to ensure that the recipients of such bullying is properly silenced (Stines, 2017). This is also known as “mobbing,” where a toxic individual enlists the help of others to carry out his or her vicious campaign and dirty work against another individual (Duffy, 2013).

We see this unhealthy, abusive dynamic play out within the realm of the narcissistic family unity, friendship circles, workplaces and anywhere there is a possibility for bullying. This form of conspiracy may not be technically “illegal,” but it poses great harm to those who are targeted. The target suffers through unbelievable emotional, verbal, perhaps even physical abuse at the hands of the toxic group, who uses them as a scapegoat for the group’s problems and deviant desires.

Therapist Christine Hammond (2017) writes that:

“The purpose of a scapegoat is to pass responsibility onto someone else. Usually this person is unsuspecting at first and agrees because they are trying to get along with others. This technique of passing the buck is very common with narcissists, sociopaths, and addicts. Narcissists can’t allow their ego to be tarnished by an error. Sociopaths do it for the sport of it.”

For an excellent example of how a narcissistic group dynamic can undermine and scapegoat one individual, one needs to look no farther than the devastating bullying Today Show co-host Ann Curry suffered under the reign of Matt Lauer (who has now been exposed as a sexual predator) and her colleagues back in 2011.

According to Vulture, executive producer Jim Bell reportedly launched what was known as “Operation Bambi,” a mission to eradicate Curry from the team, early on in her employment (he denies this, of course). She was subjected to not only Lauer’s mistreatment but also exclusion, taunting and bullying by her other colleagues as a result. In 2012, a clearly traumatized Curry was forced to leave the show in a highly televised exit despite the fact that she was, and remains today, a highly talented, empathic and one-of-a-kind journalist. In fact, NBC lost more than a fifth of its audience after her departure.

This example illustrates something deeply important: groups with one or more sociopaths do not target people who are incompetent. On the contrary, they target those who threaten the status quo in some way.

Curry represented the type of conscientious, empathic and sincere person that juxtaposed Lauer’s own predatory personality and threatened the group dynamic of keeping toxic behavior under the wraps. Since the corporate world tends to favor and promote sociopathic individuals, they chose Lauer’s preferences over Curry’s potential and incredible abilities to connect with her viewers in a deeply compassionate way.

The narcissistic group feeds upon the victim’s insecurities and vulnerabilities to ensure that the victim feels powerless. They identify the wounds and weaknesses of the target and use the target’s strengths against him or her. They find ways to covertly abuse the victim so they can escape accountability for their actions. The victim is made to feel like and look like the “crazy” one – and everyone is able to avoid individual responsibility for inflicting harm and participating in the conspiracy.

In all narcissistic “conspiracies,” this scapegoat is a “black sheep” who is treated like an outsider of the group. This chosen black sheep is then terrorized, taunted, excluded, persecuted and becomes the site of many projections or unfair blame for the mistakes of the narcissistic group. The group has no problem using the victim to advance their agenda or add to their resources, but they fail to recognize or reward the efforts of that individual in a fair way. In fact, the harder the scapegoat works to win the approval of the group, the more the scapegoat is persecuted.

Since the group is usually led by one or more narcissistic or sociopathic individuals, very little mercy or empathy is given to the victim. The victim suffers emotional terrorism at the hands of ruthless individuals who prey on his or her vulnerabilities and weaknesses. Narcissists and sociopaths usually choose those they are envious of and threatened by. These victims are exploited for their strengths, but taunted, teased and made to feel like outsiders, just as Curry was. The alienation takes a toll on victims of group bullying, as they may isolate themselves even more just to avoid further persecution.

How And Why Is The Victim Chosen?

The target that is chosen to be bullied, excluded, and ostracized from the group is one that is threatening in some way. It could be because they threaten the narcissistic leaders or enablers in their intelligence, appearance, resources, wealth, independence – or whatever other quality that evokes their envy or fear.

In the dynamics of a family with one or more narcissistic individuals as caregivers, the scapegoat is the child or children who are most devalued and demeaned, made to feel less than. They are pitted against the “golden children” and triangulated so that there is a sense of competition, distrust and supreme allegiance to the narcissistic parent or parents in the household.

In a group that is not familial, such as friendship circles or the workplace, the chosen victim is usually someone new to the group or a long-standing member who “dares” to question the authority of the narcissists or sociopaths within that group and is thus excommunicated.

These victims may at first be idealized and love-bombed. They are “groomed” to feel like a part of the group, which often has many cult-like qualities which discourage dissent and discussion. There are implicit rules to never unmask the toxicity of the group or its decisions. Questions are always met with ambiguous or vague answers or outright reprimands and punishment.

So long as the victim abides by these silent rules, they win temporary safety through their obedience. The authority of the narcissistic members of the group is upholded as the final say, regardless of fairness or equity. As soon as the victim starts to question the dynamics of the group, however, or the group feels like the new victim might potentially “overthrow” the hierarchy in some way, the victim is then “put back” in his or her place.

They may be publicly humiliated in front of other members of the group, they may be dismissed, they may be shut down and stonewalled. They may have an ongoing smear campaign against them by the leaders or enablers of those leaders regarding their character, stability and ability to be within the group. It is easy to make the victims of group bullying seem like the unhinged ones – the most abusive people, the leaders of the group, work hard to drive their targets over the edge and push all of their emotional buttons.

Groupthink and The Bystander Effect 

Not all group members of the cult-like conspiracy are unempathic, but when they participate in enabling behavior, it creates a collective consciousness, what psychologists call “groupthink” in which a narcissistic unit works together to render the victim powerless enough so that the victim either feels unable to exit or even becomes “trauma-bonded” in some way to the group as a way to survive (Rosenblum, 1982). Those who see the victims being bullied and yet fail to do anything about it are following what it known as “The Bystander Effect,” in which individuals feel as if they don’t have to intervene, especially as the group gets larger, because personal accountability is diminished (Hortensius & Gelder, 2014).

The chosen target usually has empathy, resilience and is authentic in their integrity. They are agreeable, kind and conscientious to a fault.. They are open and willing to consider other perspectives, so they are taken advantage of easily by narcissistic leaders and their enablers. This is very threatening to a group that works best without integrity or fairness. These are all qualities narcissists look for to ensnare their victims, but of course, most narcissistic groups realize that such qualities also make these victims powerful as well. Truth-tellers are commonly scapegoated in groups where there is toxicity brimming beneath the surface.

The target fulfills the following roles:

As a convenient scapegoat. They take the blame for any errors or mistakes the narcissistic group or leaders don’t want to be held accountable for.

They become the outlet for any projections, rage, dissatisfaction that the group wants to dump on them.

A target for an ongoing smear campaign in which the narcissistic individuals involved spread rumors, gossip and misinformation to make you look like a “troublemaker.” This ensures that other group members also fear calling out the toxic dynamics of the group because they don’t wish to be associated with you or your “antics.”

To obscure the truth and further the group’s selfish agenda, whatever that might be.

They stroke the narcissist’s ego – they are made to feel diminished so that the narcissists in the group feel superior. It feels especially gratifying for them to take down a person who is more successful and well-liked (at least initially before scapegoating begins) than they are.

They are used to strengthen closer alliances among the already existing cliques in the group. Membership in the group is emphasized and seen as exclusive and coveted because there are “outsiders” who can’t get in.

If you are a scapegoat or a black sheep, take heart. You were chosen because you have the qualities that narcissists lack. You were chosen because you were threatening. You were chosen because you were powerful. They saw that power in you, and they wanted to take it away.

Though it appears now that wolves in sheep’s clothing rule the world, it is actually scapegoats who have the power and ability to lead others – authentically.

When the black sheep finds community, validation and resources to help them thrive after the experiences of being persecuted and alienated, they reconnect with the amazing qualities that made them a target in the first place. Rest assured that karma does come for those who conspired against them – and predators like Lauer are always eventually exposed in due time.

Scapegoats can and will rise above the conspiracy – and they can grow stronger in spite of it.

References

Duffy, M. & Sperry, L. (2013). Overcoming Mobbing: A Recovery Guide for Workplace Aggression and Bullying. USA: Oxford University Press.

Hammond, C. (2017, August 24). How not to be a scapegoat. Psych Central. Retrieved March 22, 2018.

Hortensius, R., & Gelder, B. D. (2014). The neural basis of the bystander effect.€” The influence of group size on neural activity when witnessing an emergency. NeuroImage, 93, 53-58. doi:10.1016/j.neuroimage.2014.02.025

Rosenblum, E. H. (1982). Groupthink: One peril of group cohesiveness. JONA: The Journal of Nursing Administration, 12(4). doi:10.1097/00005110-198204000-00007

Stines, S. (2017, May 17). The Narcissist’s Fan Club (aka Flying Monkeys). Psych Central. Retrieved March 22, 2018.