#fuck us if we can't afford a whole ass new one.

[squid--inc]

.....

[tchotchkez]

damn y'all work really does got me Tired About Eyeballs

[clareguilty]

Din Djarin/reader | A/B/O, Biting, Possessiveness

This fic was written for Kinktober 2022! Let me know what you think <3

Alpha!Din Djarin/Omega!Reader (Gender neutral) Rating: Explicit | Heat/Rut cycles, Biting, too much star wars lore Word Count: ~3000

The Mandalorian bounty hunter usually pissed you off simply by existing -- but never before had you felt blinding rage every time you caught a glimpse of that fucking beskar.

Your ship. Your beautiful ship. You had called her The Scarab. A YV-560 light freighter with a beautiful bronze durasteel light-armor hull.

And then that fucking Mandalorian had sent a land speeder crashing into it at top speed.

The explosion was all you saw every time you closed your eyes.

You were drowning your sorrows in Novanian grog, fingers covered in soot from where you had spent hours digging through the smoking wreckage.

And he had been watching you. You knew because the gleam of his armor had never left the corner of your eye no matter how many drinks you finished.

The bartender was debating if your credits were worth having to carry your plastered ass out with the trash as you demanded another drink, and the mother fucker sat down in the seat next to you.

You swiveled in your seat to glare at him, trying to ignore the way the whole bar spun.

"I'm sorry about The Scarab," he said simply. You wanted to punch him in the helmet, but it wouldn't be worth the broken fingers.

"I want to kill you," you slurred.

The bartender raised an eyebrow, but you couldn't bring yourself to pay him any mind. When you didn't reach for your blaster he finally stepped away.

The Mando nodded. "That's fair. I would do the same if you damaged the Razor Crest."

"Then why the fuck are you sitting here." Your fingers itched for your knife, but you were so drunk you would probably just wind up hurting yourself.

"I feel responsible for your ship-"

"You ARE responsible for my ship, fuckass!" You were off your barstool before he could even finish, stumbling and bracing your hand on his breastplate so you didn't topple over.

"And I wanted to make you an offer to make up for it," he continued as if you hadn't even spoken.

"You can't afford to replace her," you scoffed. "I know what kind of bounties you've been bringing in lately."

"And I know about yours," he countered. "You could ride along with me until you get a new ship, and we could take better jobs that would pay more split between us than if we both worked alone."

"Anyone ever tell you you're too nice for this job?" You asked, head falling to the side.

"No." He placed a few credits on the bar beside your elbow. "I leave at sunrise. Replace whatever you can in the market and find me before then. Otherwise, I'm leaving you on this planet."

You pocketed the credits and threw a vulgar gesture at his back as he left. 

-

The worst part of it all -- aside from sharing a dumb shitty ship with the bastard that had destroyed your beautiful perfect ship -- was that Mando was right.

You worked really well together.

At first, you watched him constantly, not willing to let your guard down for a minute. That resulted in an uncanny ability to predict his every move after several days of memorizing all of his tells. This only helped you fight alongside one another.

The jobs were quick and the credits came easy. You took on more and more dangerous targets, bigger and bigger bounties. 

You would never be able to afford a new ship. The only way you were getting one was through theft. In the meantime, you were raking in the credits and biding your time for the perfect opportunity -- and the perfect ship. 

Until then you were crammed together under a small outcropping of rock on some bumfuck planet in a system you had never heard of before. The sound of a speeder engine grew near, and both of you stiffened. You had been camped out for hours, tracking the patrol schedule and guard rotations for the veritable fortress built into the stone face on the opposite side of the ravine. 

You waited for the speeder to pass, gliding over your hideout just as every patrol had before it.

The Crest was carefully hidden several clicks away, and you knew it would be one hell of a hike back once you managed to secure the bounty.

Some Imperial senator had decided to live out the rest of his days in a heavily fortified vacation home hundreds of parsecs from civilized space rather than answer for all of the crimes he had happily committed under the Empire, and you and Mando were more than happy to take an obscene amount of Republic credits in exchange for hauling him to Chandrila.

Unfortunately, that required the two of you to infiltrate after an entire cycle of recon, and so far it looked as though this guy had several squadrons of ex-Imperial troopers to guard him.

You scribbled another line of notes to indicate the timing of the patrol speeder and the number of guards visible through your scopes.

“Want something to eat?” Mando offered you a ration bar.

“I’m good, thanks.” You waved him off.

“You haven’t eaten since we landed,” he pointed out, and you scoffed at the concern in his voice.

Your appetite was gone, that was for sure. You had felt off since coming out of hyperspace, and the only way you were keeping your strength was the canteen of broth that you prayed would last you a few more hours.

The fever was getting worse, though. And you wouldn't be able to hide it from Mando much longer.

"I'm fine," you lied. "Just not hungry."

"Your temperature keeps climbing," he said, calling your bluff. "You're going to be delirious with fever by nightfall at this rate."

"Well, there's nothing we can do about it," you snapped. "All we have in the medkit is bacta." It would do nothing to bring down your fever, and you mentally kicked yourself for not stocking up on useful supplies when you had the chance.

You began making a checklist of what you needed, only to realize exactly what was happening.

You gasped, glancing immediately out to the ravine and trying to calculate if you could make it back to the Razor Crest before it was too late.

"What is it?" Mando asked, following your gaze with a hand already on his blaster.

"My suppressants were on The Scarab." You said, still trying to determine if you could climb out of the ravine without being spotted by the patrol speeder.

"Suppressants?" Din asked.

You rolled your eyes. Of course, a Mandalorian wouldn't know about suppressants. He probably didn’t even have a mating cycle for all you knew. You, on the other hand, had always made sure to keep some on hand so you could control your heat. As a bounty hunter, you preferred to wait until you could take some time off and visit your home planet to go through the whole messy ordeal.

Except your suppressants had been on the ship the Mandalorian had blown up, and he didn’t have any with him on the Crest. You had completely forgotten about them in all of the chaos of the last few weeks, and now your heat was here and you were trapped in this damned ravine. With him.

"Does your helmet filter your air?" You asked.

He hesitated half a second before answering, trying to figure out what was going on. "No. It offers a little protection, but small particles still make it through."

"You're so fucked," you couldn't help your wry grin. "Have you ever been exposed to an omega in heat before?"

He made a small sound of realization, the severity of the situation settling in. "I haven't."

You weighed your options. “If I killed you now, I could throw your body into the ravine and make it through this alone. The crest would be all mine, too.”

Mando chuckled. “You wouldn’t win that fight, especially not with how weak you are now.”

The thought didn’t make you feel any better. You glanced out into the ravine, wondering if a jump would finish you off.

He followed your train of thought and reached for your arm. The feeling of his warm glove against your skin was too much, and you hissed and flattened yourself against the stone to put distance between you.

“What should I expect?” he asked. “We can make it through this together. Just tell me what I need to do.”

You rolled your eyes. “My pheromones are going to make it impossible for you to do anything. It’s getting worse, and you’re going to be just as bad as me in a few hours.”

Now that you were aware of what was happening, it was as though everything had amplified tenfold. Your skin was warm and sensitive, and the feeling you had mistaken for nausea was actually burning arousal. This tiny hollow of rock was too cramped, too cold, too exposed. Every minute that passed you could feel your head grow lighter, struggling to stay focused.

“Hey,” he called to you softly. “It’s going to be okay. I’ll watch over you.”

“You’re still too fucking nice,” you panted, a combination of panic and heat warring inside you. “Anyone else would have had their way with me and just left me here for the imps.”

Mando flinched. Didn’t like that. It was silent for a moment and then he reached for his helmet.

You screwed your eyes shut, knowing you weren’t supposed to see. None of this made any sense, but you weren’t about to violate his trust like that.

“You can look,” he said, and the sound of his voice without the modulator was so kind and soft that you had to bite back a whimper. “I need you to trust me.”

Wary, you cracked one eye open. He was staring at you with the most expressive brown eyes you had ever seen, shining and warm. His hair was plastered to his head from the helmet, and he ran his glove through it leaving it fluffy and wild.

You couldn’t not trust him.

Sighing, you scooted across the stone until you were sitting side by side. “This is going to be gross and humiliating.”

He chuckled. “I’ve dealt with my fair share of gross and humiliating.” His chest heaved with a sigh, and you watched his eyes widen and his skin flush. “ Oh. ”

It was your turn to laugh. “It’s worse without the helmet, isn’t it? I can feel myself slipping, and I’m sure I’ll be begging for you to fuck me before it even gets dark.”

“Yeah?” his voice was wheezy. “Uh… what do I do then?”

You shrugged. “Put me out of my misery? Heats pass more quickly if I mate with someone, then we can finish this job and get out of here.”

“Practical,” he noted.

You didn’t even bother responding. His glove had accidentally brushed your thigh and the touch had sent you reeling with want. It was impossible to disguise your reaction now that he knew what was happening.

“What if-” his voice was raspy and he cleared his throat to start over. “What if we started now?”

You stared at him, eyes dark with desire. He was probably waiting for you to respond, but you couldn’t even formulate a sentence with all of the thoughts rushing through your mind.

“Maybe it would be over more quickly? And then we could get the job done?”

“Right,” you nodded, trying to clear your head. “That’s… practical.”

“Exactly,” he murmured, but he hadn’t stopped staring at your lips.

The stillness left all at once.

You had never taken your pants off so quickly in your life, and Mando dragged you by the hips to the thin bedroll you had been using in shifts before hooking your knees over his shoulders. The backs of your legs were warm against the cool beskar of his pauldrons, and you had to bite your own arm to keep from moaning as his scruff tickled your skin. He tortured you by kissing all the way up to your knees before burying his face between your thighs. He grabbed your ass and lifted your hips to pull you in closer, and you thought you were going to die.

“Mando,” you gasped, digging your fingers into the rough canvas of the bedroll.

The fucker had the audacity to stop.

“My name is Din,” he said, looking up at you with slick-covered lips. “Probably should have told you that a long time ago.”

“Din,” you repeated. “Don’t fucking stop.”

He obeyed, licking and sucking experimentally until he found exactly what had you shaking and rocking against him. The pleasure was the answer your body had been searching for, and you let yourself sink into the wonderful feeling. You knew the taste of you was dragging Din into the same lustful spiral.

But you couldn’t find it in you to feel guilty. Not when his fingers were digging into the softness of your thighs and his tongue was circling your clit slowly and deliberately. Despite how desperate you were, he seemed intent to take his time. 

He didn’t have to take very much time at all, because you came quicker than you ever had during your heats alone. He couldn’t get enough of the taste of you coming over his lips, and you had to physically shove him out from between your thighs as the sensation became too much. Your heart was thudding heavy in your chest, every movement sloppy and uncoordinated as you tried to get your bearings.

Din was the least composed of the two of you. He had never been affected by an omega’s heat before, and his expression was far less controlled than when he first removed his helmet. You had barely recovered from your orgasm when he dove forward, pinning you beneath his entire weight with a hand over your mouth.

A patrol speeder was nearby.

You froze, panting against his glove as the sound of the engine grew louder and then steadily fainter. Din passed the moments by nosing at the junction of your neck and collarbone, kissing and licking and dragging his teeth over the sensitive skin. He was only driving himself deeper breathing in your scent like that. You knew that he was just as bad as you when his hips ground down against you, trying to find the right friction. Unfortunately, he was plated head to toe in beskar.

“Ow,” you hissed as his belt dug into your hips.

“Sorry,” he breathed. He pulled away to remove whatever he could, and you immediately missed the closeness. Luckily, he was back on you in moments, this time with his pants unfastened and his cock grinding against your entrance.

You shifted your hips just a bit, and he slipped inside. The stretch was perfect, so full and warm and exactly what your body had been craving for hours. Your reward was a curse and a hiss, followed by Din’s teeth sinking into the exact spot from before as he thrust into you with an uncoordinated jerk of his hips. You had to fight to stay quiet as he found exactly the right motion to make your vision go white. He was a fast learner and pulled your hips up to meet his so he could do it again and again and again.

It was still quiet -- too much noise would certainly catch the attention of the imps -- but you loved every hitch of Din’s breath, every quiet moan and curse as he fuck you. The only way he could keep from being too loud was to sink his teeth into your shoulder, or your collarbone, or busy his lips against your neck. You gently led his lips to yours, feeling his scruff against your palm and the motion of his jaw. Unable to resist, you ran your fingers through his hair, tugging gently. He pinned you in place after that, rutting into you harder and harder every time your fingers scratched gently at his scalp.

You placed a kiss to the skin just below his jaw, the only thing not covered. He shuddered, snatching your wrist and shoving your hand between your bodies with a desperate clumsiness. “I can’t- I’m not going to last,” he panted.

You understood immediately, sliding your hand the rest of the way to where he was inside you and bringing yourself off in a matter of seconds. Only after you finished, back arching and then finally sinking back onto the canvas, did he let himself follow.

His cock twitched, and you felt it. Warmth spread through you, filling you and satisfying that aching need. Din growled against your skin, silencing himself by biting into your shoulder. He pulled your hips onto his cock, sinking as deep as he could go and losing himself in how tight you were around him, how warm.

He caught himself before he collapsed onto you, saving you from being crushed beneath his armor.

It took a fair amount of adjusting, trying to get comfortable when he was still mostly armored, but you managed. The silence was strange after everything that had happened. Luckily, both of you were clear-headed after giving into the blinding impulses of your heat.

“Thank you for trusting me,” Din murmured, idly trailing his hands over your skin. You wanted to tell him to take the gloves off so you could feel the warmth of his fingers, but you weren’t sure how.

“Thanks for being trustworthy,” you murmured back, trying to play it off. You didn’t want to let him know just how much it meant.

“You know,” he spoke up again, surprisingly chatty. “Sometimes I hope you never find another ship.”

It took you off guard. The admission. You and Din had become closer, for sure, but you hadn’t thought he would grow to like you.

You realized the worse thing was that you had grown to like him.

“I don’t have to leave,” you offered. 

“I don’t want you to.” There was frustration in his voice, something he couldn’t figure out how to say.

“Then I’ll stay,” you promised.

[macsimagines]

I once woke up with no memory of who I am or where I am, I even fucking asked my mom about my name, then all my memory came back and hit me like a truck.

May I request platonic yandere brother Draken, platonic yandere brother Mitsuya and platonic yandere brother Izana with a little sister who stumbled out of bed and seemingly forgot about their whole life for a second? I hope it's not too specific.

I'll do it cause its funny anon -Ms.Mac

Yandere!Draken

Used to this shit by now. Sometimes you wake up mumbling utter nonsense and he's trained in how to handle it.

"The waffles are poisoned." "We live in a fucking brothel, Y/N. We can't afford waffles."

This one threw him for a loop though. "Who am I?" he almost answer correctly. Then he remembers you ate the pudding he was saving and now all bets are off. "I've never seen you before in my life."

Watches as fear and confusion fall on your face for a few seconds before you fully start to wake up.

"Fuck you, big bro."

Yandere!Mitsuya

Would have a black belt in handling these situations if they gave them out. He is trained and fully prepared for this shit.

His sister ask him weird ass questions all the time and he answers flawlessly every time. "No, the moon isn't made of cheese," "I'm pretty sure you're not going to grow a beard." "No I will not have boobs like mom..."

He's a pro. So when you come out of your room for breakfast looking like a space cadet he already knows something asinine is going to come out of your mouth.

"Who am I?" well... that was new. But he could handle this. "Some one that is very tired." He tells you calmly guiding you to the table and setting down a bowl of oatmeal.

"Eat up, it'll come back to you."

Yandere!Izana

Douchebag. An absolute menace. Picks on you and pranks you constantly. Anyone else does it and they're fucking dead. But he's your beloved big brother so he gets special privilege's.

You come down that morning and he can already tell he's gonna have fun with you. "Good morning. Did you get shitfaced last night, or what?"

He watches you look at him with blank empty eyes... and he's very afraid for a split second until you ask... "What's my name?"

"...Shithead Gonorrhea bustedcondom the third." he turns away from you and continues making himself coffee. He might even pour you a cup.

[spacemonkeysalsa]

On the subject of whether or not vampires love...

This is a topic that's been debated about amongst D&D nerds for ages, and like everything in D&D the consensus doesn't matter because we made it all up, but the consensus is: Spawns - yes

True vampires - no

And at no point in BG3 is Astarion a true vampire. They actually specifically made it so he wouldn't be, and I think it's interesting that at the beginning of the game you can learn about how he could become a true vampire, and then even when he gets the chance to follow through and do it, he doesn't. The choice is never a) Spawn or b) True Vampire or c) Vampire Ascendant. It's just spawn or ascendant and I don't think that's a mistake. I think, in a way, it's for the sake of the theoretical romance that might just be happening between Tav/Durge and Astarion.

If he became a true vampire, then canonically he could not love you (as much as anything in D&D is fixed, see above flippant remark about us making it all up and also decades of changing the rules whenever they don't suit us anymore because why not) but since Larian didn't even make that possible, we're left to just argue about how much of a true vampire a vampire ascendant really is. A vampire ascendant doesn't really sound like a true vampire from it's description as a "new monster" with "the arousals and appetites of man" so there's room to argue.

And everyone sure does like arguing. I don't really see the point, because after he ascends I don't think it matters at all if he loves you anymore. He's become possessive, controlling, and ultimately abusive and he's going through the very typical arc of a successful guy who got everything he wanted and is now confused and angry about why it hasn't fixed everything. He's taking it out on you, dump his ass.

I've known too many people like this to really care all that much about the lore of D&D and how it doesn't perfectly map onto real life. Becoming an abuser is not a Pokemon evolution. And what I'm seeing in Astarion is not someone who has been magically altered, or even necessarily lost his soul outright (though imo that soul is a tasty snack marinated inside of a new monster for Meph to eat later, at best) I'm just seeing what it looks like when someone who is deeply hurt and troubled desperately wants something that is bad for them, and they get it and it expunges some insecurities and fear, while enabling the development of new (much much worse) ones. It sucks, and it's predictable.

So, at that point, who cares if his love is genuine or not. "But he loves you," is an excuse that mom-in-law likes to use to keep you from leaving her son, but it's actually not a persuasive argument, because love doesn't mean a whole lot when it can't prevent him from being an asshole. I've seen some version of all this hashed out all over the place on the internet, because this is an incredibly popular thing to argue about.

And, to be clear, I'm not even arguing that Ascended Astarion loves Tav/Durge. My conclusion is that it's possible he still loves them, and that it means fuck all. But, one thing I haven't really seen discussed, but that has been on my mind a lot since the most recent round of this very dumb argument started up again - does this have any implications on Astarion's refusal to make Tav/Durge a true vampire? I'm not at all in disagreement with the typical read: that Astarion is following Vellioth's rules about not letting anyone be an equal. But, he does make sure to extend certain protections to Tav/Durge as a spawn that he was never afforded. It's a small consolation when they're still technically are under his compulsion, but it's a bit rebellious, 1 point for mild rebellion against Vellioth's stupid rules. And I don't think it's out of line to suggest that he has his own motivations outside of keeping with tradition.

He wants Tav/Durge to love him, and he knows that if he makes them a true vampire, they won't. Similarly, I remember initially being a bit surprised that there was no option for Astarion to drink Cazador's blood and become a true vampire, and I even remember seeing a lot of jokes about how silly spawn Astarion must've felt the next day when he realized he missed his chance.

But, knowing that becoming a true vampire would apparently rewire his brain so he doesn't experience love anymore might just be motivation enough not to do it, if he's found someone he loves.

Or even if he's only got hope that he might have love in the future.

[crimswnred]

new Beach hut episode out so ofc I had to talk about it. (keep in mind I'm on a Raf route)

ok, so, about the girls:

Estelle is sooooo hot. I love her freckles 😭 she's giving Talia, saying she wants to lay by the pool, being all cool about Villa life. I hope she likes us!! Also, none of those boys deserve her. hoping she got herself a hunk in Casa.

reading Daphne being all over Raf and talking about their connection... it made me giggle. I'm sorry!!!! but it's so funny to me. so much for a good connection huh?! I hope she twisted too or gets dumped. I can't afford having my man feeling guilty.

Willow is definitely the cutest of the bunch. her design is so pretty, I love her hair, her bikini, her piercing. and she's so sweet. low-key think Bryson doesn't deserve her (also, twist to Bonnie when THAT'S your girl? bffr). I REALLY hope we can be friends...

Geri matches Joyo's personality so well, but she's the one I'm sure twisted for a new guy. she's super cute and I still don't see what you guys are on about her looks. and she's either gonna hate Summer or love her. I think she might be drama as well, chatting up the boys 👀

now, my opinions. first of all, this beach hut episode was fucking useless. like, we could've learnt all that playing the game? at least this time we payed 17 gems for the whole bunch instead of 17 each girl.

second of all, this just feels like a lazy way to showcase the characters' personalities. it's giving cheap writing. but whatever. if they make them feel unique in game like they did with the boys, it's fine by me.

last but not least, they didn't even properly edit it 👇

like...... at least look for errors 😭

anyways, stupid ass episode. it would be better if they had released it with the boys.

[hearteyes-for-killmonger]

Miguel O'Hara x Black Reader. A short and simple to the point Dominant Miguel series with fluff and smut included as it progresses. Go on a lil journey in love with Miguel.

Chapter 2: First Date

You decided to call a safe ride to take you home, then your friend Aria to pick you up when she got off of work. In trade for her taking you back to your car, you tell her about your run-in with the handsome geneticist.

"You took off to go to a damn bar?"

"Absolutely. If I'm coming to the Kissinger, I need to know that the men here can afford to be here during the week. I'll be damned if I'm the main breadwinner."

You take off your seatbelt once you see your car parked. When Aria stops, you get out.

"There's a certain finesse to the game, girl. Get with the process."

"Oh, you buggin," she laughs. "Hell nah. I'll catch you on the weekend and we can really get fucked up, but I need my money sis. I've got a whole son and he's not cheap!"

"Girl." You turn back. "You're thinking small. Think big, bitch. Hear me. Give it a shot and go alone."

"Mm." She shakes her head, ready to pull off. She's not doing it. You already know. You get into your own car and head home to your apartment to relax and mentally prepare to return to work.

In the morning, you work with a few families through genetic counseling at Parker Institute by collecting personal information regarding their family tree for geno-sequencing and drawing blood for genetic testing that will assist in their treatment. You process what's already been obtained and relay to your patients the implications of the findings.

Sometime around lunch, you receive a call from an unfamiliar number but pick up. It could be Miguel.

"Hello?"

"I won't keep you."

"Miguel?"

"I know you're typically at lunch about this time, so I'll make it brief. Are you free anytime from Friday evening to Sunday? If so, I'd love to sit and talk with you again, maybe take you to dinner?"

"Friday night sounds good to me. I could use the wind-down."

"I could use it now. If I could, I'd leave this lab and meet you to talk. But Friday is fine. I'll send you the details."

"Okay, and Miguel?"

"Yes?"

You caught him just before he hung up.

"Don't work yourself ragged before I get to you."

He laughs, just a slight exhale.

"Take care," he says quickly.

You get a text within the next fifteen minutes.

Reservations for 2 at Mastro's. Friday @ 7

That overpriced restaurant?! You wouldn't do it, but you are worth it, and it's because you're worth it that you understand him trying to make a good impression. It shows that he respects your time enough to not waste it with foolishness.

You buy a new dress and style your hair just to match the effort. You know from his previous fit that he'll be dapperly dressed, and you'd like to turn heads on your own. Taking a cue from Beyonce, you go with short and backless, and when you enter Mastro's, you find Miguel waiting though you're on time. He looks just as classic as you'd envisioned in a simply styled emerald paisley suit with black lapels and black shirt, unbuttoned at the top to show chest. Immediately upon seeing you, he rises to pull out your chair.

"Look at you!" You beat him to it. "Don't you look like a heart throb. I definitely want to be seen green," you tease, sneaking a peak at his tight ass before he sits. "Have you seen The Wiz?"

"I haven't. That can be something you show me in the near future, but... I have to say it. You have a knack for taking my breath away in these dresses."

"Should we check your sputum and blood eosinophils?"

He sputters, nearly spitting his water.

"No one but a geneticist," you grin. "If you liked that, tell me why tertiary structures are so selfish."

He swallows in confusion. "What?"

"Because the amino acids are all wrapped up in themselves."

Another laugh. You feel like a got-damn comedian. You'd take your act on the road if you knew more people than him would laugh.

"I can't believe you think I'm funny," you mumble behind your water glass.

He's wiping real tears, not faking.

"You don't understand, I don't talk to many people. After the day I've had, this is fucking hilarious."

"Glad I could distract you. I'll be here all week."

Two glasses of Sauvignon Blanc arrive. Of course, Miguel says you should order whatever you'd like, including wine, if you prefer something other than Sauvignon Blanc. He orders a steak, and so do you.

"So, what's your favorite style of cuisine," you ask, sipping your wine.

"Ooh, Mexican is my comfort."

"So, I actually make some bomb carnitas and shrimp tacos."

"You're kidding."

"I'm so serious. It's - *chefs kiss*"

"I'd like to be the judge," he grins. "I'm the master of carnitas."

"Self proclaimed?"

He smirks. "Or otherwise. You think you could beat mine?"

"Only one way to find out."

"Okay. You name the time and I'll be there. We'll settle this."

"How's about tomorrow? You're free, right?"

"You're anxious to lose," his thick brows raise. "I will gladly make that happen just to have you cry, 'Oh Miguel' in my arms."

That kind of made you tingly. You could be mistaken, but there's something very sexual about Miguel. It's subtle.

"Take this down." You gesture for him to get out his phone. When he does, you clear your throat. "2 PM tomorrow, wear the brown pants because you will be sliding down the wall, shitting and crying when you're outdone."

His jaw drops as he laughs, that same breathy outburst. "Oh, you're gonna taste your words after you taste my meat."

"I assure you, Miguel, if these lips touch your meat-"

You stop when the steaks arrive, steaming with your sides. He licks his lips, smirking at your abrupt stop. Your head tilts as you hold your laughter until the waiter leaves.

"You were saying? About my meat..."

Your tongue presses against your cheek as you fight your laugh, cutting through your tender steak instead.

The rest of dinner goes by with banter and subtle innuendos tossed in from both ends. You lose track of how long you're sitting there. It's 9:30 when you sneak a glance. You've had dessert, two glasses of wine, and your stomach is full. About ten minutes later, he checks his watch.

"Ready to get out of here?"

"The check," you remind. He waves it off.

"Already took care of it."

"Where was I?!"

"At the table," he chuckles. "Why? Did you hope to pay?"

"Not really," you smile, honest.

With another date set for the following day, you follow Miguel from the table with your hand on the back of his arm. The material of his emerald suit is soft to the touch. He guides you through the door, hand on your lower back as you exit the restaurant.

"Where are you parked?"

"Right over there," you point, surprised when he walks you despite it not being far and sees you inside the car. You notice his eyes stall a bit longer on your bare legs and your thighs as you attempt to climb in modestly.

"Don't forget to send me your address when you're home."

"As soon as I get home," you nod.

He closes you in when you're settled and watches you pull off, turning only when you hit the main street. You see him in your review mirror. This is a standard of treatment you can get used to, even if things with Miguel don't work. He's set a pretty high bar.

You should tell Aria.

@dashhoney25 @lettidarawest @soufcakmistress @ljstraightnochaser @princessstevens-blog @eye-raq @thiccdaddy-mbaku @destinio1 @iamrheaspeaks @hidden-treasures21 @bidibidibombaclaat @forbeautyandlife @blowmymbackout @misspooh @thotyana-in-this-hoe @purplehairgawdess @thegucciwaffle @goddessofthundathighs @theegoldenchild @thadelightfulone @sultanabby @mysticalblackhottie @baekhyunbabybunni @fd-writes @richonne4life @tgigoldie @thehomierobbstark @capswife @blackpinup22 @harleycativy @lishabaybee @playgurlxoxo

[duhragonball]

Neon Genesis Evangelion 09

Okay, okay! I'll tell you all about it. You might want to sit down first. This will take a few minutes...

Last time, Asuka arrived in Japan to serve as the latest Eva pilot. She's already the most popular girl in school, and for some reason Suzuharu and Big Rigg Mahoney have started taking photos of her and selling them to her admirers. Well, the reason is money, obviously. That, and just being little shits.

Asuka seems to revel in the attention, but only because she feels entitled to it. She finds the other pilot, Rei, and introduces herself. Rei isn't particularly impressed.

Asuka wants to be friends, and Rei asks why, then says she'll do it if ordered by their superiors at NERV. Cold.

Oh, hey, remember Kaji? That asshole from the previous episode? The one who ditched the others and delivered that mysterious package to Gendo Ikari? Well, he's staying at the base for some reason. He seems to want to re-start his romance with Misato, but that doesn't stop him from just groping Ritsuko like they've been married for a year. Fuck Kaji, is what I'm trying to say.

Moving on, the real story of this episode is another Angel attack. This is the seventh one overall, and the fifth we've seen since the series started. Like the fifth Angel, this one is headed straight for the NERV base, but they're still reeling from that battle, so they can't afford to let it get that close. Instead, Misato deploys Units 01 and 02 to the shoreline, where they'll intercept the Angel as it makes landfall. If they can double-team the thing, they should be able to overwhelm it before it gets a chance to do anything.

That's the plan, anyway, but Asuka has her own plan, since she wants to make a big debut in Unit 02. She jumps into the surf and cuts the angel in half. Good job, except...

It splits into two monsters and continues attacking. Whoops!

We skip ahead to some time after the battle, but the photos tell the story. NERV was completely humiliated, because they had to call the UN for support. The UN dropped an "N2 mine" on the Angel to halt its advance. This is the same weapon used on the Third Angel from Episode 1. I should note that it didn't work at all in Episode 1, so I don't understand why it helps now. Each new Angel seems to be more powerful than the last, and this one defeated two Evas, which is unprecedented.

The UN's attack managed to burn off 28% of its mass, which temporarily incapacitated it, but it's only a matter of time before it regenerates and picks up where it left off. Okay, I guess that's fair, since the Third Angel needed to regenerate after getting N2'ed, but it didn't take very long. This one needs about a week.

Being, you know, literal children, Asuka and Shinji fail to learn anything from this debacle. Asuka defied orders and went into business for herself, but Shinji just stood there and watched like a dope. Maybe if he had taken some initiative and supported her play, they might have been able to make something work, but he always does as he's told. And this is a problem, because the two of them will have to fight the Angel all over again when it recovers, so they need to be on the same page.

I don't know why Kaji's even in this briefing. He observes that the UN strike bought them time to regroup, and "you can't ask for more than that," which is the stupidest thing anyone says in this conference, which includes bickering from literal children. Yes, Kaji, we can ask for more than this. The whole point of this meeting is to ask the Eva pilots to get their shit together and win the battle in a single engagement.

Another entry in my Kaji Sucks file: I hate this shot of him talking to Asuka. I hate that stupid look on his stupid face, I hate how Asuka has a crush on his useless ass. I hate his clip-on tie, which might be an animation error but it looks stupid either way. In this moment I'm rooting for the Angel to destroy the NERV base just to ensure he dies along with everyone else.

Kaji does have a suggestion to get the kids ready for the rematch, but he can't just say it in the meeting, he has to write it down on a computer file and give it to Ritsuko to give it to Misato, because fuck this guy.

Later, Shinji comes home to Misato's apartment and finds Asuka has moved in. She claims that she's taking Shinji's place, although she'd rather live with Kaji. I'm sure he'd love that too. Kaji is the worst.

Asuka gripes about how small the place is and wonders why all the doors in Japan have no locks, and then Misato shows up to explain that the Japanese way is to "consider the priorities and needs of others before one's own." Right, no other culture ever thought of that before Japan came along, Misato. And what does that have to do with the doors not having locks? If that made any sense, then why does the front door have a lock?

So what is the point of all this? Well, Misato explains that this was Kaji's idea: Shinji and Asuka will spend the next six days living together and doing everything in unison, in order to practice synchronizing their attacks when they face the Angel in six days. They both hate this idea, but there's no time for anything else.

This does not go well, mostly because Asuka is too proud to go along with it. This exercise with the Twister/DDR game is a failure, so Misato asks Rei to give it a try and she syncs up perfectly with Shinji's movements. So why not just have Rei and Shinji tag up for the battle? I mean, they worked well together a while back? It's a proven formula. Rei's Eva doesn't have weapons, but I'm pretty sure they can reconfigure 02 for Rei quickly enough.

So it's the Fusion Reborn plot, but with Asuka in the Vegeta role. She can either fight alongside Shinji, or she can ride the pine. This makes her upset, and her dumb friend tells Shinji to go talk to her because "he made her cry", but by the time he catches up with her she's already worked this out. She'll do the training.

And there's a training montage, and they succeed! I don't quite understand how this tranlates to Eva piloting, but at least they can stand to work together, which has to be an improvement.

Maybe it works a little too well. They sleep in separate rooms, of course, but one night Asuka gets up to use the toilet, then plops down in the wrong futon. There's a tense moment where Shinji's worried that his cassette player will wake her up, but it doesn't. She just lays there and murmurs the word "mama". He almost kisses her, but then he thinks better of it and sleeps on the floor.

Lips in anime are the worst. They always draw these characters with teeny-tiny mouths, which isn't a huge problem until they try to do a scene like this, where Shinji stares at a closeup of Asuka's lips, which look ridiculous because it's so badly misproportioned. He's trying to move in closer to kiss her except their heads are so weird that the pose ends up looking awkward.

I guess it doesn't matter, since he bails out at the last second, bitterly muttering that Asuka is "just a child". I'm not sure how to interpret that, but whatever.

Speaking of awkward kissing, Kaji makes out with Misato in the elevator. When they get to her floor, she steps out and tells him this is a mistake, and he replies with some bullshit about her words saying "no", but her lips saying "yes". Fuck this guy.

Later, she confides in Ritsuko that their relationship, which ended eight years ago, was "the biggest blemish" on her life. I'm curious to see why that would be, but that probably won't get paid off for a while.

Anyway, the big fight happens, and Shinji and Asuka execute the plan perfectly. This time they let the Angel come to them, but they cut their power cables and fight with the one minute of battery life they have. They cut the thing in half like before, then whale on the two halves before finally doing this double divekick move to destroy the Angel's core to end the battle.

The resulting explosion does leave the Evas in an undignified pose, but a win is a win.

This dude is embarrassed, but I didn't see him do a damn thing the whole time. He doesn't even have a name. I mean, they put his bio in the DVD extra features, but why should I care what they call him if they never say his name in the show? He usually just stands behind Gendo and tries to look important. Well fuck him. I'm calling him Clownshoes from now on.

And that's it. I guess this episode was good enough, but I'm not sure about the dynamic Asuka adds to the cast. She's at least active, which is more than I can say for Rei or Shinji, but a lot of time is spent just getting Asuka to do simple teamwork like "cooperating" or "facing reality". Even the NERV staff are getting frustrated about having to work with children, even though the Evangelion program seems to depend upon it for some reason.

In the end, that's just what the show is about, so I can't complain that it nails the depiction of putting children behind the wheel of a super-weapon. It's either a power fantasy or a nightmare, depending on your point of view, and this show tackles that pretty damn well.

[mahoushoujotechsupport]

hey its time for episode 4

starting off with one of the funniest fucking scenes in this whole show with suletta just fucking hauling ass right out of there after guel just surprise proposes to her

just want to juxtapose this with her wild feelings speech in 17 about buying rings and wearing the prettiest dresses

this shot just reminded me of a random detail from the manual for chuchu's demi trainer - it says earth house can't afford their own demi trainers so chuchu's is a modified older version because thats the best they could do.

suletta pilots a demi trainer during the whole field test thing so like... does she own or have a demi trainer loaned out for school use or something? i honestly forgot chuchu pilots her own suit in this scene cuz i had just accepted that the demi trainers for practical exams etc were like just there for the students to use whenever

i know this was like probably the easier way to write suletta becoming friends with earth house but lmao why didnt she just ask miorine from the start to help for the makeup exam. baka suletta.

suletta please.

till will forever go down as bestboy in the series tbh. like someone needs to write a fic where he wingmans for suletta while nika does it for miorine

suletta, you naive little baby

there really was absolutely no reason for miorine to get all handsy and possessive here lmao like she could just stood infront of suletta or even right next to her and still had the same confrontation and warning about the other houses being bad news

the 2nd light novel picking up from here and highlighting miorine's jealousy over el4n during this whole arc is perfect lmao

kinda fun to speculate on how suletta saw miorine during the beginning. like she was completely surprised miorine didnt belong to a house. suletta's so awkward and socially inept she couldnt tell she was dealing with the one other person at school who was equally socially inept

i feel like there's a lot of frames i never paused on to read like this one lol. i never realized suletta got so many questions wrong. well "wrong" cuz reading through her answers it almost sounds like she just didnt give the benerit group approved answers lmao kinda like when you get stupid training stuff at work and they're just chockful of anti-union propaganda

never forget the first time we saw miorine's room

i know so many people don't really care about the class conflict in ad stella, but god, i wish they really hadnt dropped the ball on this. like in the 1st cour they had something really good here

obligatory shot of chuchu's dads

miorine rembran will not let anyone insult her woman

does anyone know what this gold gate/door thing was supposed to be? after the second school shooting, there's a shot shown where it's the only thing left standing in that area and i dont think ive ever seen anyone talk about it before

see like even this is good re: class politics. like its not this cut and dry all spacians are evil capitalists thing. mercurian miners were pretty much lured out by the benerit group to be exploited for their labor and then left to dry once a cheaper source for permet was found. bless the fic writers who've turned that into appalachian town suletta because it's such a perfect analogy

suletta mercury literally got decked in the face and we all just focused on the chuchu punch

imagine miorine sitting with her in her room just helping her ice her face

by the way how excited do you think suletta was to call someone senpai just like in her fair use mangas lmao

ok all set with episode 4. ive gotta say, it is super jarring to go back to these slice of life school episodes after everything we've been through in the second cours. like yeah that was kind of the point in having the first half of the series have pretty much no stakes since these kids are about to be thrown into war

you know for all the complaining a lot of losers did when the show started about this not being a "real" gundam series, the only difference between watching suletta's journey versus say amuro's... is that we got to see suletta's life before everything got wrecked. with amuro we just immediately start off at the point where Everything Goes Bad

[thothxv]

The fact that we will never get another Paul's Boutique or Three Feet High and Rising and the version of 3ft on streaming is actually missing, like, at least a whole-ass song, and a bunch of stuff had to be edited is an indictment of the copyright system actually. To be clear, I don't mean that I wish De La Soul had released Three Feet High and Rising Part 2: Still Rising, I mean that nobody can make a commercial album with that kind of sound and production, because nobody can afford to sample like those albums did. And I mean that very literally, as in, nobody can pay the amount of money that would be required in modern times to sample that way, because after several key court cases (the main one in 1991), all sampling, no matter how small the sample was, would be considered copyright infringement if you didn't license the song from the owner. And as music companies realized just how valuable samples could be, the prices were jacked up.

The fact that taking a half second sample from a song and putting it into your music means that under the American legal system you are at the mercy of whoever made that song and they can demand whatever they want, up to 100% of your royalties (effectively making it impossible to release the song commercially and make a living) is fucking crazy. By the way, this is not as true in the visual arts: collages have much, much better protection under the law than music sampling. And it's like that because there was a lawsuit and a judge with an iffy understanding of the facts of the case gave a wild ruling (to be clear, it's not my opinion that the judge had an iffy understanding of the facts of the case, it's the opinion of UCLA and Columbia Law's Music Copyright Infringement Resource. Which seems to no longer be on the web because reasons, but the archive remembers).

And ironically, it made sample usage more derivative of the original work! Because if you can only afford to pay for one or two samples you can't do the kind of elaborate compositing of a bunch of samples to create something new. Which is something that used to happen in commercial music!

[tobiasdrake]

One last time: Arise, Mystery Labyrinth!

So. Game plan: Murder. Murder is the game plan. I want to kill Makoto for revenge.

Makoto is a homunculus and therefore cannot be killed by any means that we know of. He will regenerate from anything, demonstrably up to and including Shinigami's soul reaping, after one day.

So I'm going to cut off his head, put it in a small metal box, and then hurl that box into the ocean. Then his immortality can be his problem, not mine.

Yes, I am that angry.

Aww, we're reminiscing about all the murders we've committed together. :') We really have come a long way. We painted this city pink. Kanai Ward doesn't know what hit it.

In, uh, more ways than one, even.

Yuma has learned nothing from Vivia. Which is to be expected, given that Yuma won the philosophical battle with Vivia in the previous Labyrinth.

Wonder what Makoto's doing during this time. We left him up in the real world. I assumed he wanted to enter the Mystery Labyrinth but there's a non-zero chance he's taking advantage of the time-freeze to do something up there instead.

Something Something Mystery Labyrinth nonetheless remains the most likely.

...

Y'know, about the metaphysics of the labyrinth.

Shinigami's told us that if we can't solve the mystery, eventually we'll fade away and become a phantom that haunts this place forever. Trapped in the labyrinth for all time.

She's also mentioned that there exists a way to escape the labyrinth without solving it.

I wonder if we could Something Something to bail on this labyrinth before completing it, and leave Makoto stranded here?

Even Yuma's starting to realize that whatever Makoto's game-plan here is, it's the whole reason he was given the Book of Death and sent to Kanai Ward in the first place. This is the endgame that everything's been building to.

Starting with the most basic.

It's hard to make out, but it asks what caused Amaterasu and Kanai Ward's development. The answer, of course, is that Amaterasu was engaging in homunculus research as part of a contract with Unified Government. Though UG was also operating their own, better homunculus labs.

Turns out that offering a public option for homunculus development resulted in much more affordable and higher quality undying counterfeit humans than the private sector's profit motives could achieve. Imagine that.

Pretty much every mystery about the Secret of Kanai Ward relates back to the homunculus experiments. Yuma, you are in for a trip.

That old cliche of "The military was performing evil experiments to develop super-soldiers."

It's serviceable as answers go but kinda lame.

Hold up, Real Yuma? The fuck is Real Yuma doing here? Mystery Phantoms take on the form of people who are trying to conceal the truth of the mystery.

If Real Yuma is here, then that raises a ton of new questions about who he is, why he keeps running into us and then dashing off, and what his weird-ass repeating ramen shop is about.

Hm. Y'know he did say that he first tried to recreate the flavor of KANAI WARD SIGANTURE MEAT BUNS but then that was a bust so he went off and did culinary magic to create his fantastic dish. We should not discount the possibility that he's, like, legitimately running an awesome ramen shop. Like. Maybe that is actually the game he's playing.

Maybe Real Yuma's out there trying to find a source of nutrition that can satisfy homunculi without having to eat human flesh?

I dunno. Spitballing.

Okay, so not Real Yuma, then. Yuma, are you concealing the truth of this case?

...well, I suppose if Real Yuma is actually the real Yuma, this would also make sense. At this point, I'd assumed that name was little more than an artifact of a dead theory that I've still been using for lack of anything else to call him.

I wasn't expecting sitcom shenanigans to be the tone for the Final Mystery Labyrinth but I'm here for this. XD I hope this is Real Yuma and not a manifestation of Yuma's own subconscious because that would make this a full-on Wacky Misunderstanding.

More likely, however, this is the part of Yuma that subconsciously wants to shield Kurumi from knowing. In the back of his mind, he's realized what she is. It'd be hard to deny after the way the sunlight affected her.

When we learned that the meat buns are made with soylent green, Yuma wouldn't let Kurumi go in there and see it for herself. He insisted on moving along and outright lied to her, saying there's nothing of interested through that door. Despite his "I WILL REVEAL THE TRUTH" declarations, his actions have demonstrated a reluctance to let Kurumi know these dark secrets.

This ties directly into Yakou and Vivia's final talks. Is revealing the truth to Kurumi the right thing to do? That's something Yuma's probably struggling with, resulting in this particular Phantom manifesting.

And his name is Makoto Kagutsuchi. Created from the DNA of the "world's greatest mind", Number One. We can't stick our heads in the sand and pretend homunculi aren't real. Not if we're going to solve the Ultimate Secret of Kanai Ward.

Huh. That's the clocktower from the Nail Man killings. I wonder if this Labyrinth is going to take the form of every crime we've investigated up to this point? Sounds like a typical Final Dungeon thing to do.

Number One of the World Detective Organization, of course. Whose real name is, itself, probably Makoto Kagutsuchi. Everyone knows him only as Number One so his homunculus wouldn't need to take on a fake name.

He's using the WDO to solve crimes around the world and then abducting the culprits. Then he's bringing them to Kanai Ward, to fill the meat buns and keep the homunculi fed and rational.

Okay, I want a Shinigami Mystery Phantom now. Because she is freaking out about the fact that we fingered Number One as the source for the UG homunculus's DNA. She aggressively does not want to talk about this particular topic. Despite having been so gung-ho about "Woo hoo let's solve every mystery!" since we've known her, this is a rabbit hole she refuses to go down.

She's always been dodgy about Number One, as well as about her history with the WDO. It may even relate to the contract itself that Yuma has with her, the details of which she's been similarly cagey about.

Oh, it was the worst. Lab exploded. Feral homunculi, exposed to sunlight, went berserk and killed e-v-e-r-y-o-n-e. While the UG was patting themselves on the back for producing Makoto, Huesca's rushed experiment proved thoroughly disastrous.

Working under crunch conditions is not conducive to manufacturing the best possible product. Too strict of deadlines easily results in cut corners and unsatisfactory product development.

A total rush job that Huesca masterminded under pressure to beat UG to the first successful homunculus. Turns out, competition doesn't always encourage people to bring their A-game.

Mass blood draws of every civilian in the city, so they could make a homunculus for every single person here.

Terrible idea. Huesca went for quantity over quality because he's a dipshit.

That's where they got the gene samples. Amaterasu created a corresponding homunculus to every single person in Kanai Ward. Except Kurumi's grandfather and the handful of others in his circle of friends, who dodged the "blood tests" due to well-founded but tragically ironic suspicion towards Amaterasu.

Yuma's taken a critical step towards piecing together the true horror of this situation.

Not just an effort, Yuma. They succeeded. Horrifyingly.

UG found a perfect candidate to create a single exceptional homunculus. Meanwhile Huesca, in a panic, threw up his arms and went, "FUCK IT. We'll mass-produce homunculi with EVERY GENE SAMPLE WE HAVE and then see which ones stick."

That's what they mean when they keep saying that Huesca rushed the project. Instead of taking his time to calmly assess gene samples and look for viable DNA like UG did, Huesca impatiently created an army of ravenous immortals that feast on human flesh.

The more I learn about Huesca, the less remorse I have over helping Yakou stick him in the back. And I started at none. I have negative remorse right now.

This does raise a question: Did they get a successful specimen? We can be reasonably sure that Makoto is the UG homunculus. But if viability of DNA is the main problem that resulted in the defects then one has to wonder if Huesca did, strictly by spamming probability, pull off a win nonetheless.

Could there be a non-defective Amaterasu homunculus?

Yuma, maybe? Halara was speculating earlier that Yuma's Forte may be related to immortality. That felt, at the time, like foreshadowing. It could be that Yuma, like Makoto, is a successful homunculus with all of the immortality and none of the drawbacks.

[clotpolesonly]

y'all i am straight up not having a good time today

go forth if you're at all interested in my stress meltdown

i'm in the process of attempting to buy the house i've been renting. the owners want to sell it, but no one wants to buy to rent, they all want to buy and reside, which would require kicking us out, so they took it off the market to offer it to us first. the realtor seemed to be of the opinion that we were in a zone for a certain kind of loan that would make it feasible, but we're not apparently, so we're talking to a lender to figure out what types of loan we do qualify for, trying to figure out if this is a feasible course of action.

1) our lease is up in a month so if we don't succeed in buying the house, we will simply be homeless i guess, cuz it's pretty much impossible for us to find another place to live, secure it, and move into it in the space of 30 days. we are working on a time limit and, as of right now, we have no safety net or backup plan.

2) professionals really overestimate how much normies know about their field because i don't understand 80% of what the lender we're talking to says. i can't even formulate questions to ask, that's how little i understand the topic at hand. i need someone to explain this shit to me like i am 5 years old, especially because it's all theoretical and percentages and estimates and nothing actually TANGIBLE or with a concrete fucking number attached to it. can i afford this?? i don't fucking know, i can't tell, and i don't understand the process enough to even know what to ask for clarification on, i'm just completely lost.

3) all of this is being done in my name and with my money, but my big sister (whomst i live with) is the one who usually does the adulty adult stuff. but she's been having an awful fucking time starting a new job, to the point of an absolute meltdown last week, so i was determined to handle this myself. it's my money, it's gonna be my house, i should not be making her make the phone calls for me, that's stupid. i'm a grown ass adult, i should be able to make phone calls.

and i did! the first few, at least. i've made several calls in the last few days, despite hating phone calls, and i talked to professionals about grown up things and filled out paperwork and found necessary documentation and everything. i didn't even procrastinate on any of it!! i was doing so well!!!

then i found out we're not zoned for the loan the realtor said we were. and the lender started talking about a different one with more fees and more terms i didn't understand. and i already felt like i was just the worst person in the family to be having these conversations cuz my auditory processing is not fantastic and my short-term memory and retention are bad and i can't listen and take notes at the same time and i get overwhelmed and shut down easily

aaaand that's exactly what i did 🙃 go figure.

so my sister (whose work stress was significantly alleviated litchrally like 2 hours ago) has now stepped in to take over while i have my own stress meltdown, and that's only making the meltdown worse cuz now i'm MAD at myself. i was determined to do this myself. the mom friend anxiety override kicked in while my sister was so overloaded, and it carried me through the whole week, and now i'm crashing and i'm crying in my office at work and i feel like shit cuz i couldn't handle it like i said i would. i said i wouldn't make her handle this for me, and i failed, and she's having to do it anyway, and i wanna go HOME but i can't cuz i'm at work and i have to cover phones for the receptionist while she's at lunch and i really hope nobody calls until i stop fucking crying alkdfjghakf

[sydthetiel]

Update Time!

I'm not completely out of the woods yet, but some serious burdens/guilt have been lifted.

Family friend came again today, brought me another grocery order, which has a new can opener (this one better fucking work) and some more cold foods to last the week and stuff. Eggs, salad, etc. I can feel a little better about what I'm putting into my body besides canned crap, without having to spend hours to make it.

She helped me get a huge chunk done of what all those aides were supposed to do with me. We went through foods and organized, cleaned my "ration rack" (which is, as it sounds, a rack which holds the rations for days I can't get out of bed. Chips, crackers, croissants, poptarts, cookies, etc. All the snackies, and some extra drinks, so I no longer have to sleep with all of them.) Ahhh wonderful. It's also out of my path now for trying to get to my office where Syd is currently located. No more squeezing and side stepping. Mentally, that's a load off. Clutter and mess trigger my OCD bad enough to hit me real hard with depression and hopelessness. It's the biggest reason why hoarder Rex is so bad for me.

Syd's new water bowl came. As expected, it was too big to fit in such a tiny hospital cage. It was a two person job to take the top off and install it, and it takes up so very much of the cage. I held Syd, while friend put the top of the cage back on. The sight was so fucking depressing. Friend says to me "I'm gonna buy her a bigger cage." And of course, cages are expensive, so I told her that, and explained this one is so small because it's literally all I could afford, and I feel like the worst dad ever for it. And of course, at this point, we're both crying, because my baby girl deserves better than a tiny fucking cramped piece of shit where she can't even spread her fucking wings, but it's impossible to bring her home cage into my office. It ain't gettin' up the stairs, or through the doorways. Dear fucking gods, no. Friend insists, "We're gonna order a cage today, on your phone, before we leave." And she did. It'll be here in roughly a week. It should (better) be big enough, and it's quite lovely. It has a stand, so I can store her food and all that, and will make an exceptional hospital cage, where Bean can flap and be happy and well cared for. I am in fucking tears. Her gofundme is still up, for vet stuff, but this is fucking HUGE for us! She also said she'll take us to the vet for another Lupron injection, since Syd's horny again, and said she'd pay for the shot!! <333

Between sobbing about trying to figure out how to pay for van repairs, a new hot water heater, and a new furnace, and a shut off notice for the electric because once again Rex didn't pay it, not having to worry about shelling out an extra $100 or so on a hormone injection is just... such a fucking weight lifted.

On top of that, Daddy's getting some needs met, too now! She assembled my shoe rack! No more bending or tripping over all my shoes! They're right there! Aaaand I finally have my new massager. It's been sitting in a fucking filthy box for like two years, and she helped me get it clean, so now I have that. As soon as I got situated in bed tonight, I tried it out. The pleasure screams I felt as it massaged the knots out of my agonizing back and shoulders is just... oh gods. Probably sounded like a whole ass orgy up in here. Actual goddamn pain relief! PAIN RELIEF!!!!!!

I ate twice today, and finally had some decent hydration, too. Huge boost. I no longer detest the idea of my chicken and gravy tray. Meal plan for tomorrow!

Sunday, she's coming back, and we're gonna tackle some more stuff. I can't fucking wait. I mean, I would really love a weekend with my girlfriend, and some rest, but also, just... a clean environment is so fucking good for my mental health. And it makes me happy that they'll take all the outdated foods I won't eat, so I don't have to feel like a douchebag for wasting it and throwing it out. They're happy to eat it, and I feel like I can give something back for all the help, while also clearing out all the space.

We got a game plan for downstairs, and will start making dents in that.

But honestly... This huge chunk done today is... the kind of support I needed to feel like I might actually survive? I mean... it's still grim. The debts, the bills, the taxes not being paid. The gofundme is still just as fucking urgent as ever in order to not go homeless. In order to get heat and hot water and transportation back. But I don't feel quite as stranded and alone.

We most definitely still need like $2,000 for the van repairs, and $3,000 for the water heater and furnace, and uh... like $6,000 for the backed taxes and another $5,000 for this year's taxes.

But I don't have to cry about not being able to give Syd a better cage, or Lupron, and I have some better access for my own self care. Pain relief is so wonderful. Especially when healthcare providers are failing me so miserably.

Gofund.me ($5 min donation according to their standards) Other options (as much or as little as you can spare <3): Ven.mo: @rroche90 Pay.pal: Rory Roche (Can't miss my portrait of Dean Winchester!)

[turtlesocksv2]

Liveblogging Dead Friend Forever Ep 5

Flashback Time! Let's Go!

only at the 2:40 timestamp and already there's some crunchy little details. Tee has money - where from? He tells Top to go clean the toilets at Por's house for spending money, but we all know that's not what Tee is up to. And it's soooo convenient that there's a short film contest and it just so happens that Por has an idea for it and also a location to shoot in that just so happens to be in the Cult Murder Woods. Here at 2:40 in I am still banging the drum of Por And His Family Are True Believers. Will I be putting on my clown shoes later? Perhaps!

Jin and Tee are both skeptical that they'll be able to pull it off. Por and Fluke are really trying hard to get Tee to agree... Por mentions selling tickets to see the movie and the music changes and you can see Tee fall for it. Why is Tee so desperate for money when he's buying expensive In Game Purchases? does he have a gatcha gambling problem lmao.

Non is so unsure when he comes into the planning room and is immediately bullied! Why are they so mean! He's the only one giving actual ideas! And I see that Jin isn't involved in the bullying and doesn't know the backstory between them. Poor Non does seem a little weird but not in a bad way. The way they're just using him to get a script is so mean!

Wait, are they in a fucking Catholic School hold up i gotta rewind that. "Think Good, Do Good, Be A Good Person" I mean....words to live by i guess. Not that these Mean Girls-ass friends will pay any attention.

Ooooh, Por telling Non to send the script digitally he doesn't want a literal paper trail he is already planning to steal the credit! He's doing all this work and they're still calling him Greasy! These shitheads deserve what's coming to them. Jin is right to call them out about it. No wonder Jin will be the Final Girl. Non, sweetie, please develop some self respect!

ok but like JinNon are being really cute together. no wonder if Non gets a crush on him.

OK OK OK HOLD THE FUCK UP. THIS CONVERSATION BETWEEN NON'S PARENTS IS INTERESTING. Non has a sibling they send money to, but they're having money problems and can only afford to pay their bills this month and don't have the money to spare. Non's mom wants to take an emergency loan to cover it and if I learned anything from Kinnporsche one of those things was don't take sketchy emergency loans because the mafia will come after you. Mom mentions to Non that New is studying abroad buuuuuuut....hmmm. it just seems shady.

Non's sure on a lot of pills for a highschooler. also, someone with a heart for their contact name is asking if he took his meds....

Top is the fucking worst. but Por's not any better really. I did laugh at "Move, my beloved Greasy will sit here" and the way the other kids scattered. Por really is throwing his family's money and influence around isn't he. ugh the way Por and Top wipe their hands after touching Non is so gross and mean and awful.

oh no. Hot Teacher just offered to give Non a ride home and i feel nothing but dread.

Gambling Hall! Oh my god i was right about the gambling lmao. Anyway, Tee's in the mafia. so that's fun.

That lady on the board saw Por's name and was like "oh. we definitely don't want to make his parents mad" the way she nudged the other judge!

can't believe they tried to exclude Non from the results reveal oh wait, yes i can. because they're the worst.

Por's mom spoils him but lmao you can see that his dad is just Done even if he does get worn down by mom.

Por is so fucking stupid for leaving that expensive-ass camera in the unlocked classroom. Top is so fucking stupid for messing around with the camera. I hate Top so much oh my god.

oh no. Tee is going to frame Non for it isn't he. that was the money Por was saying he shouldn't have taken from Non isn't it. And we know Non's family has money problems!!! Tee is the worst. lmao at Fluke just being there the whole time.

I like that Jin knows what's up and tried to defend Non.

I really want to know who ❤️ is. Is it New? Is it Hot Teacher?

Boo Tee trying to drag poor Non into his Mafia shit. leave him alone! Haven't you done enough???!

[nascentgoth]

In addition to my other rants I wanna talk about these recent 'tech' layoffs and why people should absolutely be preparing an upcoming recession.

So, it's relatively big news around about how large tech companies are laying off lots of employees right now, and a general but of rhetoric I see around is that "oh, engineers have been overpaid and overhired for a while, it was going to come up eventually, and besides, unemployment is at an all time low! Us normal folk have nothing to worry about"

So here is the thing, media is really good at lying to you in tiny ways, it's a lot of how American propaganda works. So you read that tech is having layoffs and you think "engineers are getting fired" and it makes sense to you, you draw the conclusion that that industry was high paying for to long and the bubble popped a bit. I see this take a lot, from family to online stuff, it's a pretty natural conclusion. I work in tech, at one of these big tech companies, and yeah, engineers are being let go, but not at the same rate as other employees. It's not mostly engineers, it's HR, it's sales, it's custodians, it's security, and other jobs that aren't tech related. And these jobs are jobs that EVERY big company has.

So pretty much, expecting this to be limited to tech is pretty wishful thinking. They just spend a lot of time in the news cycle, and a bunch of not necessarily tech focused companies have seen unsustainable high profits in the wake of huge inflation, and that is going to break eventually.

And regardless of that, unemployment isn't really a good measure of economic health anymore for most people, as in like, 90% of those jobs (percentage pulled from my ass, sorry, I'm sure you can find a real number.) Like, what good is a job if you can't afford food and housing and transportation? People with multiple jobs are having trouble supporting themselves, we aren't living in a world where low paying jobs offer security anymore.

And beyond that, recessions aren't caused by unemployment, they cause unemployment. Saying that we aren't in a recession because the unemployment rate is low is like having someone put a gun to your chest and saying "well, I'm gonna be fine since if I was about to be shot, I'd have a bullet hole in my torso right now."

It's just frustrating because offering hope is only helpful if there is hope, people need to prepare for the worst right now and trying to say "it's all going to be just A okay! It's simply too big to fail!" is what fucked us up last time this happened. Like, we will survive, but still prepare yourself for hard times, try to arrange plans now to potentially get a roommate(s) you can stand if you aren't already splitting rent, or move in with family if that is a viable option if shit hits the fan. Telling people to save money is not really good advice these days because a lot of people live paycheck to paycheck, so that's only possible for those lucky enough to save money, which is an ever shrinking group.

And at the end of the day, you could always just riot in the streets, cause fuck this whole system.

[blooming-violets]

Soooo my break started, my exams mmmmm we're not going to talk about it, i feel like shit, i think i have depression (i'm actually pretty sure but i dont want to diagnose myself because well...i'm not a therapist or psychiatrist so..) but i can't find a fucking therapist because my health insurence it's meh so if i find a good thereapis or a) they're not compatible with my schechule or b) they're not good therapist. (Sorry if i dump all my shit but i don't really have anyone to talk about this)

But yeah, how are you katie? I didn't answer you the other time but i read that you quit your job, i'm really happy for u i hope life it's treating u better and that we can also interact more.💕💕💕💕💕

-🌸

I know people are all picky about self diagnosing but if it's something like depression, in this day and age, and you feel like absolutely shit all the time...then just assume that you probably have it. I don't see a problem with that at all. If it feels like you have, you probably have it. Trust your body. It tells you when it's not working properly.

Finding a therapist is awful. I've actually been trying to start finding a new one. I've been with my current one for over three years now. I really like her but the past few months she's been kinda slipping on some stuff (like showing up thirty minutes late to our appointment and then talking about herself the whole time). I think I did all I could with her and I'd like a new person to start fresh with. Except that I started googling for therapist in my area that deal with what I need and they don't take my shitty insurance and are over $100 per session without it. I can't afford that lifestyle. Everyone is also super booked out. It's like a fight to the death to try and grab a good therapist within your budget. I understand the struggle. THEN if you do finally get one, if they turn out to suck ass, you have to start the process over again. It's so draining. Especially when you're already depressed. Us depressed bitches don't have the energy for that kind of thing! I get it! I'm right there with you <3 I'll give you free therapy. I'm a psychology major college dropout...that's close enough, right??

And don't ever worry about talking about your problems with me. It's literally my favorite thing to do. I love oversharing and talking about mental health with other people. I'll listen to people's issues all day long. That's my jam.