#fuck. art brain is not cooperating i'm just posting this

[aq2003]

day 5 of perc'ahlia week: fairytale/class

ok so. goddess vex and cringe fail cleric percy. (not pictured bc i ran out of time to draw it but she becomes mortal for him lol <3)

[icantdothistodaybruh]

Them!!

[anpanham]

Hazbin Hotel character thoughts / impressions (Episodes 1 & 2)

1/12/24

UM. what a weird first actual post for my blog for this year... this is long, and i miss making ACTUAL blog posts instead of small threads... And i've explained on my twitter my thoughts on Hazbin / Helluva from a critical standpoint and artist from art separation, yadda yadda yadda---

ANYWAY... Episodes 1 and 2 of Hazbin are (Officially) out now, and i have some thoughts on the characters i wrote down after watching (In bullet points, because most of these are fresh-from-the-brain thoughts i wrote on my tablet from my bed)

(Spoiler alert, Sir Pentious isn't ruined and I AM SO GLAD. my snake babygirl... ilu)

Read on, if you wanna, spoiler warning btw!!!!!

CHARLIE NOTES

-Charlie is good., Charlie is cute, but i fear for her safety, not everyone can new redeemed. she's like steven universe at points i stg 😭 (not a jab but i think it's funny)

-i like how they gave Charlie bags under her eyes a lot, she is a tired princess just like all of us

-She gives off elementary school teacher vibes but in a wholesome way

-Charlie's hair is SO CUTE MESSY..

-PERFECT voice /gen

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- VAGGIE NOTES

-GIRLBOSS (still, but more)

-Vaggie is still cool, she just loves her gf and is sick of everyone's bs but is still supportive...

-If she doesn't get into a bloody death match with Alastor (and win) i will be disappointed /hj

She doesn't seem to have as much of a temper as she did in the pilot, but seems more dead inside

-Good voice!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ANGEL DUST NOTES

-Angel... hm. Angel. he's Angel, for sure. Hi, Angel!

Insecure about a lot, but also YOU CAN BE THE CHANGE YOU WANT!!!!! if vox doesn't kill val angel should. please and thank u.

Also his voice is alright, just need to get used to it a little more

Also i hope he's not too bratty jealous of sirpent / whoever else charlie praises because again, it's ON HIM TO COOPERATE WITH HER CAUSE MORE??? ignoring his other stress sources (Val)

-Waiting for him and Husk to kiss. I know it's coming

-Just fucking block Val's number and rip up the contract (YES i know it goes deeper than that...)

-NUGGS. I SCREECHED IRL /POS

THEY GAVE HIM A HEART ON HIS BUTT!!!!! S TIER REDESIGN

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

ALASTOR NOTES

-At first i was kinda Eh about his voice but it's grown on me, the radio filter is a little more subtle than the pilot but it's still there which i'm glad for

Delightfully passive aggressive

-Weird magic still, there doesn't seem to be any limits to it... we need to know what his weakness is...!!!!! please (maybe that will come later??) ....... i theorize he has underworld contact (Shadow-world, because of the shadow imagery?) , the underworld might be different from Hell maybe? (Where do those fucking tentacles come from, also weird monochrome demons)

-Interesting he was gone for 7 years. 7 is an angelic number. HMMMMMM (sealed away by angels somehow??)

-Punchable (Vaggie please)

-Weirdly enjoyable and not genuinely hateable like some of the other characters, but i also want to see his demise, maybe his sadism is rubbing off on me, but i want to see it badly...

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

SIR PENTIOUS NOTES

-Sir Pentious... u are so good.. probably has some of the best writing so far, maybe... he's my favorite so. hhHHmm

his voice is different but at the same time it's what you'd expect, i like it a lot... so silly, i pat him and his silly hat

-Pathetic old man. You win my heart (50x as much)

-Only one egg spoke so far, i wonder if they'll all have unique voices this time (the Japanese dub of the pilot did that lol)

-Genuinely a joy every moment he was onscreen (Too fucking cute... GRRRR)

-How did he get into contact with Vox? Why would Vox want anything to do with him if he thinks he's a loser? (I guess easy access into the Hotel) ...Fuck em either way (DON'T BE MEAN TO SNAKE MAN)

-Cool temporary stunning hypnosis, maybe we'll see him coil and bite next, the snake attack traits are fun

-His autism vibes grow stronger and it's canon in my heart

-We LOVE a redemption song. please stay in the hotel with everyone, don't fuck it up!!! you're a good noodle.... 😭 The song was genuinely so cute... it's probably going to be the highlight of EVERYTHING for me, besides Nuggs..

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

HUSK NOTES

-i luv u kitty

-His voice is different but captures "Grumpy old alcoholic" perfectly

-His heart needs to be melted...

-Him holding the script in front of the camera was great

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- NIFFTY NOTES

-Niffty is a BIG COWARD. you can still love a "Bad boy" who's a redeemed bad boy!!!! just because he's not morally bad doesn't Not make him a Bad Boy. fuck u (i still like you)

-Her voice is really cute, also her nightgown.. though finding out she doesn't have dark bug limbs but is just wearing gloves and stockings surprised me more than it should've... put them back

-Also autism vibes, love it

-She still frightens me a bit

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

V TRIO NOTES

VOX -----

-Seems to carry the team, voice has grown on me

-I can't stop looking at his weird finger claws, they almost look like

he's just wearing things over his fingers, i dig it

-Interesting hypnosis power, i assume Alastor is immune

-Why can't Alastor and Vox just compromise and create a podcast?

-Hates Val (sorry shippers) ,,... kind of expected it since in old official sources it's been shown that he's been abused by Val too

-This isn't a note but everytime Alastor said "THE TV IS BUFFERING~" in their duet, the player kept fucking up 😭

-Decent song, I like seeing him and Al argue

-I surprisingly don't hate him! i'm glad. i wanted to like him (though, it's only been 2 episodes so far...)

------

VALENTINO ---------

-More manchild vibes than i expected tbh

-Voice is alright but his accent is weirdly inconsistent for some reason???? interesting direction

-His manipulation is shown well in the voicemail scene with Angel, he's literally got the "Nice Guy" energy

-Surprisingly didn't order Vox around as much as i thought he would

-Why does he have girl Fizzy bots...

-Die?

------

VELVETTE

-Fashion design isn't something i expected, but then again i didn't know that much about her prior other than she's obsessed with social media

-British is also not what i expected but cool

-Uh. she didn't really stick out to me that much...sorry..... she's fine tho

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ ADAM & LUTE NOTES

-Personally do not like how these angels look so menacing, i get that they're technically bad, but... make them look more angelic besides halos and wings??? they could easily be mistaken for hell residents. Also again, i feel like angels should swear less and drop swears in critical / good timed moments, it would be funnier... subtlety is not a thing i guess

-Adam's guitar solo was good tho, not really feeling his character tho, he's just an asshole but that's the point

-Adam looks like the fucking dress meme. I can't unsee it

-Lute is pretty...

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

KATIE KILLJOY & TOM TRENCH NOTES

-Brandon Rodgers

-They sure were there for a second!

-i luv tom

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

All in all...

Episode 1: 6-7/10

Episode 2: 8.5/10

[xoxoemynn]

tag your most hard working fic writing mutuals uWu

Oh, buddy, I am friends with SO many extremely talented writers who work their absolute butts off to give us incredible fic and I know I'm going to miss people, so I'm going to cheat a bit and rec some recent-ish fics written by beloved mutuals. Would 100% encourage you to check out the linked story and then their entire collection of works because they are all fab. 💕

The Detectorists AU by @monksofthescrew. Two-part metal detecting AU. It is so atmospheric, so rich and tender and nuanced with some really incredible timey wimey stuff intertwined. I'm a little biased because I beta read these, but I think of them so often. Just a master class in story telling.

Respawn by @glamaphonic. This is SUCH a fun AU where Ed and Stede are both streamers. The concept works SO well, and the flirting and banter is top-tier. I know next to nothing about video games and I've still been able to follow along easily, squeezing my cheeks and kicking my feet the entire time.

wanna fly away (I don't know where my soul is) by @ghostalservice and @petrichorca. Speaking of fics I love where I know nothing about the concept, this is an Animorphs AU where Stede is just the most precious alien whom I would 100000% die for. It's such a fun, rich, layered story and I'm eagerly awaiting to see where it goes. Also just love this description of it: Our story is about finding one’s place in the universe (actually and figuratively), plays with the transformative nature of morphing and the power to change one’s body, and explores two individuals from wildly different backgrounds falling in love.

Moonstone Mage Championship by @blakbonnet. Holy crap, the WORLD BUILDING. Meow's mind is a wonder. I truly don't know how she does it, but I am literally in awe of her work on this fic. One of the most creative and detailed stories I've ever read.

Different Names for the Same Thing by @oatmilktruther. I have been rotating this fic in my brain ever since it was posted. I don't even have proper words to describe how gorgeous it is. It's basically my soul now. Abs' gift for blending humor and tenderness and making you feel the love between Ed and Stede is unparalleled.

My Father's House by @trans-top-stede. Owen describes this as "a t4t theatre au (kind of)" because it is about theatre, but it's mostly about gender and families and the healing power of queer art" and YES. It's beautiful and tender and hot and that last line has stuck with me ever since it was posted.

Gold Rush by @abigailpents. Potentially the sweetest AU I've ever read. Just pure love and romance. Just let yourself get swept away. It is lovely.

Tree Change by @clairegregoryau. I am constantly in awe of all the work Claire puts into her fics. She is operating on a whole other stratosphere and it's incredible to watch. Tree Change is a little teaser for what promises to be an incredibly unhinged Kinktober and I am just rubbing my hands with glee for what's to come. (ba dum tss.)

Matching spark and flame by @bizarrelittlemew. My current read that I am devouring, it's so fucking good. Everything Ida creates is just pure magic, and this one is no exception. Also extremely excited for the OFMD Fic Club discussion on this one later in the month, so be sure to read and join the server so you don't miss out.

I know I'm missing a bunch, but this list is already getting long and I need to get back to some beta work. Kissing all my writer mutuals on the forehead and giving them all the good writing vibes. May your muses be ever loquacious and cooperative. 💕

[amanitacurses]

Omfg your art??? Is so?????? GOOD??????????? I have a visceral need to nom on each and every one of your drawings -- your art style is just so 👌 it makes my brain go brrrrrrrr

Moving on tho, I'm new here, and I was wondering if you could explain your various aus, please? I'm incredibly invested now but like, I don't have any context for any of them haha 😅

Thank you!! I hope it's cronchity monchity

Double thank you, I haven't actually explained any of the lore for any of them outside of Vidow Bad End because someone else asked a while back, out of nervousness mostly

Vidow Bad End: Bad End for FSA based mostly off the FSA manga; Shadow switches sides, Vio is morally grey, the other characters are dead, Shadow takes this personally and starts trying to hunt down the triforce for Vio post Ganon's defeat "AmaCurses": Terrako steals all of the heroes for a fun little journey through space and time (Ghirahim and Astor are trying to revive Demise, Sky's trying to figure out why Hylia hates him so much) Unnamed "Concept" AU: This doesn't really have lore, it was a set of designs based off the Concept Designs for some of the Links (features 9 Links) Sky of the Wild: BotW (with some TotK elements) feat. Sky's appearance, courtesy of Hylia throwing him at the problem with a little "Yikes, maybe I fucked up on this one." Lost Woods: The wider AU isn't actually known here (like why or how), but the Lost Woods kidnaps everyone and ferries them off from era to era - includes Ravio-V1 Messenger of the Goddess: Again, the wider AU isn't really known on this one either, but it's essentially where Sky throws down with all the Links on behalf of the goddess, basically saying "Hey, work with me, or I'll beat you the fuck up as many times as it takes until you cooperate." Some of them (Spirit) are easier to convince into cooperation than others (Wisdom), and then there's Wild

[skellagirl]

I am, as usual, late lol, but Y'KNOW. This is gonna be a long, rambly post lol, sorry, I have a lot of thoughts.

2023 was a weird year for me, artwise. When it began I was still deep in my Art Block From Hell, which had begun in mid-2021 and lasted the entirety of 2022.

Being in the thick of such a ridiculously suffocating art block, for TWO AND A HALF YEARS, is like... I can't describe how fucking life-draining it is. It felt like something was fundamentally wrong with me -- like a part of me, which used to be as effortless as breathing or blinking my eyes, had ceased to function altogether. It wasn't just a regular art block, it was a complete identity crisis. I could no longer trust the instincts I'd honed over twenty-plus years, could no longer trust my sense of observation or my ability to recreate what I saw. I felt BROKEN, and every single time I picked up my tablet pen it was like I was scraping my insides with a spoon, trying to pick up whatever tiny dregs of dried-up, crusty shit I could manage to puke up onto my canvas. It was fucking painful and humiliating and completely demoralizing.

I'm not really sure what finally got me to do so, but sometime in summer (my memory is shit lol) I downloaded Game Maker, found a video tutorial on youtube, and just... gave myself over to it. I made myself learn how to use Aseprite, and working with pixels, making teeny-tiny little sprites, forced me to work in ways I usually don't. It was a lot harder for me to find the flaws in my art when my art was thirty-five pixels tall and the anatomy was stylized to communicate clear information rather than be a recreation or approximation of reality. I think I really do credit that time working on game dev as the thing that finally cracked loose all the gunk that was keeping me stuck -- I could not perpetuate the cycle of toxicity I'd fallen into because I could barely even conceptualize what 'good' or 'bad' pixel art even looked like lol. I just knew that I was making art, and for the first time in two years, it didn't feel like I was having to desperately beg the emaciated husks of my sense of self-worth and confidence to cooperate while doing so.

(I actually sort of abandoned my foray into game dev around August/September lol, as my adhd-brain, flitting around like a little hummingbird to every dopamine-rich-flower, is wont to do 🥲 But I wanna get back into it at some point!)

From there I had a rush of inspiration for an original project I've been mulling around in my head for years, and I wrote thousands of words in my worldbuilding document, made a map, developed the shell of a possible actual STORY. I returned to sketching. Conventional sketching. It was, at first, largely still comprised of that same demotivating struggle against myself, but I was so deep in the throes of inspiration (after several years of this project laying dormant in my google drive) that I NEEDED to sketch. So I kept going. And after a while, it got....... easier. And I started hating everything I made a little less. I painted, properly, for the first time in years. I stayed up late into the night, even if it meant I would be tired at work the next day, because drawing felt so damn GOOD again and I had missed that feeling so much. All I wanted to do was draw. For the first time in two and a half years, I could finally see the light at the end of the fucking tunnel.

I still don't think I'm quite out of the woods yet. My style is changing, as all artists' styles do over time, and that comes with stumbling adjustments. My confidence is still small and shaky and recovering; I still catch myself second-guessing what I've drawn, and even looking at some of the things here on my grid makes me cringe a little bit for one reason or another.

But compared to both 2021 and 2022, the volume of art, and in particular the volume of art I don't actively despise, is WAY higher, and I'm really really hopeful that that means I'm finding my footing again.

So! Here's to 2024, and to continuing to move towards the light at the end of the tunnel 🙏🌟 I'm gonna try.

[formula-fun]

pac rim lestappen is suchhhhh a juicy concept, just know that if/whenever you post it I will be waiting to sink my teeth in like my mom's evil crusty dog

that movie fr changed my life, like the CGI and stuff is the reason I'm pursuing design and the whole concept of drifty compatibility really pinged something in my teenage brain

the snippets you've posted are giving me lifeeee

omg anon in my askbox helping me spread pacrim propagandaaaa the art design in that movie is fucking insane. i love the whirry spinny mechanical bits in the conn pods and on the suits but i also reaaally like the way the jaegers and kaijus have this slow heaviness to them. there are so many jaeger movies where theyre doing flips and somersaults and shit but pacrim has always stood out to me because you can TELL they're massive steel robots. striker is supposed to be really fast and new but even that has a heaviness to it. its soooo well done

also 90% of the movie having the turquoise/orange/black color scheme is sooo hhhhhhh like the colors are so fucking good it just makes me crazy. i want to eat it. AND the whole story being abt how the only way humanity will survive is through trust and understanding and cooperation like bruhh guillermo del toro went off

anyway im literally so hyped for this fic, it keeps me awake at night and i really really want to start posting it!! I'm unfortunately going to wait until if i have words is done, so it might be a little longer. im trying to incentivise myself but by god am i suffering for it

[callunavulgari]

Scrapbook 2024 | April + May

I effed up guys. I didn't track shit for two months because I had a bad case of the sads, so I am half assing it if only because I'm going to feel wrong if I skip straight to June.

For anyone that’s new to this, this is how I keep track of all of the things that I enjoy and/or create throughout the year. I have literally been doing this since I had a livejournal.

It’s a nice little snippet of my life and helps to organize my brain.

For those who are only here for the recs - they're at the bottom! ;)

A reminder:

Normal font - Indifferent/Neutral Italicized font - Enjoyed bold font - Loved with an asterisk* - All time favorite (bracketed titles) - Re-watches/Re-reads strikethough - Disliked

Goals are: read 70 books and write at least 50k of original content.

Past Years

MOVIES

April

(The Hunger Games)

(The Hunger Games: Catching Fire)

(The Hunger Games: Mockingjay Pts 1-2)

(Suzume)

May

?

TV SHOWS

April

(The X-Files - s1, s2)

Shogun, s1

May

Dead Boy Detectives

Bridgerton, s3 - part 1

YOUTUBE CHANNELS

April + May

Beryl & Imamu

BOOKS

April

The Woods All Black by Lee Mandelo [Fin]

This Poison Heart by Kalynn Bayron [Fin]

The Narrow Road Between Desires by Patrick Rothfuss [Fin]

The Puzzle Box by Danielle Trussoni [Fin]

Late Bloomer by Mazey Eddings [Fin]

Cemetery Boys by Aiden Thomas [Fin]

What Feasts at Night by T.Kingfisher [Fin]

Silence for the Dead by Simone St James [Fin]

May

The Prisoner's Throne by Holly Black [Fin]

The Familiar by Leigh Bardugo [Fin]

Gwen & Art Are Not In Love by Lex Croucher [Fin]

PODCASTS

April & May

The Magnus Protocol* (!!!!!!!!!)

(The Magnus Archives)

VIDEO GAMES

April & May

Stardew Valley - all the hours

POSTED FIC

April

N/A

May

we'll meet again (don't know where, don't know when) | Stranger Things | Steddie | 1882 words | WIP | “He’s screaming, you know,” the monster wearing Eddie's face tells Steve, almost conversationally, leaning in low, close enough that Eddie can smell the iron of Steve’s blood.

out of an orange colored sky | Fallout TV | Cooper/Lucy | 3,112 words | “Sweetheart,” he tells her, voice as smarmy and smug as he can make it. “You really think that a man could make it to my age without the use of his cock?”

WIPS | UNPUBLISHED | ORIGINAL

April & May

STUFF

Fanmixes/Spotify Playlists/Graphics

April & May

Probably stuff?

FIC RECS

April

Last Man Standing by GriefAbyss | Stranger Things | Steddie | 15k | Steve asks Eddie to teach him how to play D&D.

The One in Which a Time Loop is Fucking Exhausting by badpancake | ST | Steddie | 41k | “Steve, how many loops have you been through?”

Scared Stiff by blipblot | ST | Steddie | 6k | “Green, sir,” Steve slurs out breathlessly before everything comes to a screeching halt.

honeymoon phase by Ayes, coincidental, itskleo | ST | Steddie | 36k | Eddie is all set to be Steve’s best man— until his wedding is called off. Determined not to waste his honeymoon, Steve convinces Eddie to tag along.

Behind Your Teeth by entanglednow | ST | Steddie | 4k | Eddie heads back into school to pick up something he forgot, and his day pretty much goes off the rails after that, but he does find out what it feels like to be pinned to a wall by Steve Harrington.

Pet The Dragon by beetlesandstars | ST | Steddie | 5k | And just like that, Eddie pulls his boxers down just a smidge too low.

heaven cannot wait forever by Anonymous | ST | Steddie | WIP | 16k | Steve is a spoiled socialite brat who buys his way into college, and Eddie is the edgy arts professor who makes him work for it.

🪑 by teddywesworl | ST | Steddie | 30k | It’s incredibly normal. It doesn’t feel like Steve just asked Eddie for the weirdest favor of his life. That’s how he knows he asked the right guy, probably.

He Knows Only Two Stories by teddywesworl | ST | Steddie | 19k | “How do you spell comfrey?” he says.

Insta-heart by slipgoingunder | Star Wars | Shh it's the bad ship | 17k | Ben Solo is an Instacart shopper's worst nightmare: rude, demanding, and extremely particular about his produce.

save a horse (ride a cowboy) by Della19 | Fallout | Ghoulcy | 1k | On the road to New Vegas, they make good use of the RadAway.

May

You know what to do, when it gets hold of you. by lady_lostmind | ST | Steddie | 17k | Steve Harrington is acting weird and Eddie Munson notices.

Hades' Dogs by teddywesworl ****** | ST | Steddie | 16k | “Sweetheart, I am a cybernetically enhanced supervillain in a one-window cell in outer space,” he says. “I’m not exactly out here thinking about whether it’s socially acceptable to ask my hot guard about his mysterious backstory.”

Sleight of Hand by smithereen | ST | Steddie | 143k | Steve needs a weed dealer. He gets a bit more than that.

when everyone is in, are you in? by 02tilt | ST | Steddie | 19k | “Hey, don’t be sorry for me,” Eddie shrugs, a shit-eating grin obvious in his voice, “I’m just surprised you didn’t whack that thing on the doorframe on your way in.”

don't you hear me howling, babe? by occasional_loverboy | ST | Steddie | 50k | In the fall of '91 Steve comes home - and the past finally catches up to him.

Did You Say You'd Been Here Before by HawkinsLocal | ST | Steddie | 43k | He knows what happens if he stays: they finish the set, he passes out at the bar or in the road or in a shitty motel room, wakes up in the alley and starts the whole thing over again.

land among the stars by theamazingbard | ST | Steddie | 38k | Natural Compatibility is the rare but organic phenomenon that ties two people together emotionally and physically.

keep you like an oath by griesly | ST | Steddie | 31k | Guitar god Eddie Munson, member of the world famous metal band Hellfire, needs help getting through a heat and keeping it secret.

Softness, Steve Harrington, and Other Unattainable Things by fayfayfay | ST | Steddie | When Steve Harrington takes a few days off and emerges as a fully fledged male omega, students and teachers alike are surprised he hasn’t been secreted away to a convent or boarding school specifically for his kind. No one knows what to think of him… except for Eddie Munson.

you're a cowboy like me. by papernautilus | Fallout | Ghoulcy | 14k | “Of course they’re creeps,” Cooper says, “they eat people.”

Somewhere it Hides a Well by teddywesworl | ST | Steddie | 7k | Eddie ducks his head briefly, a gesture that doesn’t quite fit with the guy’s overall image: buzz cut, obvious ink, scars on his jaw.

Who Shall Sing Me Into Deathsleep by teddywesworl | ST | Steddie | 38k | Eddie snarled, and the depth of the sound sent a shock through Steve, and his surprise was such that he stopped fighting altogether and really looked at his attacker for the first time: of a height with him, though leaner. Stubble on the strong chin. A dusting of black hair on the back of the hand that held the knife that was suddenly pressed against his throat. Wild, dark eyes, gleaming with death.

FANVID RECS

April & May

N/A

MUSIC RECS

April & May

Probably stuff?

[parsnipping]

I promise I'm alive I just forget Tumblr exists bc I have the object permanence of a 5 year old asdfxz

Also hyperfixations on new oc rp servers!

Also I watched Arcane finally and...

Absolutely fuck all of my wonderful amazing moots for exposing me to Silco before I watched the show BC YALL RUINED ME. I HATED THAT I LOVED HIS STUPID GREASY FACE! Yall can't do this to me I have a type.

I'll try to post some of my backlogged art soon.

Sorry that writing is slow. ;w; I haven't abandoned Only in Private, I promise. I still have chapters planned out, it's just a matter of getting the brain slimes to cooperate.

Ok ilu guys I've missed you 💗

[loumauve]

For the writer's ask: 12, 16 and 17!

thank you for the questions!! <3

[the list of questions can be found here]

12. Are there any tropes you used to dislike but have grown on you?

couldn't possibly remember all of the ones that have slowly grown on me over the past what.. almost two decades of reading fic, but 'Hanahaki Disease' has been a recent one. and I don't always like it, just when it's done well. don't think I'd ever write it though

16. What’s an AU you would love to read (or have read and loved)?

I LOVE AUs. most AUs will do. love me a good 'one of them is a monster, actually' and a lot of 'they get to live. fuck you, canon'. magical realism is always nice, too.

also a big fan of 'let's change one thing and see how everything spirals from there' really, really love that.

OH! also the whole 'let's put these characters in a whole different setting but keep them exactly true to who they are and go from there' SO GOOD. can really tell a good writer from that, they have their characters pinned down SO WELL.

17. What highly specific AU do you want to read or write even though you might be the only person to appreciate it?

well, as we know from this amazing art, Skate AU for Horizon has been on my thoughts, somewhat parallel to trying to figure out an Old Ones/modern au and what they would all end up doing post school in that timeline.

@finrays and I have also been pondering a His Dark Materials AU in the broadest sense, those are always present in my mind whichever fandom I'm in.

then there's still the everyone lives au for Horizon, which.. if I was at all able to write long-fic I'd love to write someday, because I have a whole bunch of feels about so many things in that.

and then, and I know nobody here really remembers, there was a little show called Haven and another show called Fringe and I really wanted Olivia Dunham to meet Audrey Parker, and I have legit notes on that in a notebook somewhere, but I'll never end up writing it, again, bc long-fic and my brain do not cooperate (I don't know how y'all do it, I'm so impressed)

..I just looked through my folder of handwritten notes and printed out fic I wrote, and there's a bunch of crossover AU ideas like one with Thelma (from Hex) meeting Annie (from the og Being Human) like.. this heavily dates me lol but I did love those shows at a time, and still kinda do even if they're a little cringe now.

there's also an AU for Crossing Jordan where Lu lives and Hoyt dies instead. bc.. ya know, I wanted it to be more gay and that seemed like the perfect solution (don't blame me, I was still in the figuring out I'm actually queer phase of my life then. literally half my life ago)

anyway, I used to really love thinking up crossover AUs which is funny considering how I don't really love to read crossovers these days

[skelliewrites]

So I haven't been on in forever because I only log into this specific tumblr on desktop and for some reason tumblr just refused to load. Seriously, I would let it sit there for literally an hour and it just would not load the page, so I gave up for a while. But I guess tonight it felt like cooperating.

Unfortunately in my absence I haven't written a fucking thing. My brain has been elsewhere, mostly on my art stuff (I just opened a sticker shop, will reblog the post from my art blog after this) and some health stuff I won't get into (nothing serious, just told to lose weight to avoid future issues that were starting to become a threat and I know weight things can be a triggering topic).

But it's that time of year again when my brain starts shifting into Writer Mode whether I like it or not, because yknow, it's close to nano season and I've been doing it since 2011. But good lord, I will not be doing it this year, at least under their brand. I might still attempt the challenge itself but call it something else. If anyone else is aware of the name of an alternative but similar writing challenge, let me know. It would be nice to be able to tag what I'm doing, if I do it.

It should go without saying, as I believe it's already in my pinned, but fuck AI. I was hoping after their gr**ming scandal, nano would get their shit together but they just keep fucking up. It's depressing to see what's become of the organization. Oh well. I'll always have the memories of participating in my early 20s when I first learned about it from a writer friend in college. Fun fact, I've only ever 'won' twice, in 2010 and 2011. Both novels were fucking awful, but it was fun.

[veliseraptor]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers (◠‿◠✿)

oh lord. see I always feel weird about being like "man idk which fics to choose" because it sounds so egotistical of me but the honest to god truth is that I just have a lot of fic and a surprising amount of it is (don't tell me I said this) actually good. but if I'm gonna pick five as of this moment that I feel like I particularly want to mention...

(most of these are MDZS/CQL because that’s my current fandom. so it goes.)

the backyard is full of bones. The one where Xiao Xingchen knows who Xue Yang is from the get go and it changes things for the better.

My Big Bang fic, aka the 100k I still cannot believe I wrote in less than a year! Something happened there. I have no idea but it was something. AND THERE’S GORGEOUS ART TOO

And I ended up pretty proud of the damn thing, too.

By Proxy. The one with the very bad idea time skip Lan Wangji/Jiang Cheng fucking.

I don’t even know exactly why I’m so fond of this fic. Maybe it’s because I wrote it to execute something very specific and I actually - and this is rare - felt like I executed it in the way that I wanted.

efforts in a common cause. The one where a post-Yi City squad goes on the road, the lads are investigating a case, and all is not as it seems meaning that Xue Yang and Song Lan end up working together to keep information from Xiao Xingchen.

I think what works about this one for me is that it was poking at something I really haven’t done otherwise - specifically Song Lan and Xue Yang cooperating in some way against Xiao Xingchen. It’s a different dynamic and it also let me dig into the ways in which Song Lan and Xue Yang are, in some very particular ways, more closely aligned than Xiao Xingchen is in how they think about the world.

Will to Live. The one where a post-Thanos-defeat Thor (written pre-Endgame) goes to the Grandmaster to resurrect Loki. It works, but there’s a price.

Hey how about an MCU fic for a change, eh? And it’s not Steve/Loki either. I think part of why I went to this one for this is the way that it sort of sprouted out of my brain...not quite fully formed I had sticking points with it, but for a lot of the writing it was just...going very smoothly, very naturally, in a way that just felt very nice. And also I’m pleased with the general shape of it, too, and what I got to do with the themes of (a) resurrection but bad and (b) trying to fix things somehow backfiring to have unexpected consequences.

This one also probably requires the most warnings for, like. Fucked up content. I wasn’t very nice to Loki in this one. But then I seldom have been.

post war blues. And one complete wild-card for an audience of probably two people but I don’t care because I’m deeply fond of it, aka the one where Rand brings an unexpectedly living Elan Morin Tedronai to Min in Seanchan and they...hang out.

I think there’s something about the mood of this one, the fact that it’s short in a nice self-contained way, and the fact that I really like the dynamic I built between two characters who never interacted in canon. Look, this is about my favorite fics, not the ones I expect other people to like.

there are a few fics in the Remember This Cold series I thought about doing but since they wouldn't really make sense without reading the other several hundred thousand words leading up to them that seemed unfair.

[dreamhot]

leeeeee i fucking feel u ive been second guessing all my creative stuff lately it’s driving me crazy lmao but dips like this are natural and im POSITIVE you’ll find ur flow again. ur art is such a joy and i can’t wait to see more of it whenever u feel ready to return to it :~)

ahhh thank you so much oona ♡♡ it's such a source of frustration especially when you DO have things you wanna make !! your brain just doesn't want to cooperate 😞😞 BUT... i did finish a lil redraw of an old sketch of mine at least and i'm hoping to post that tomorrow :")

[dyker-farmer]

Ok this was supposed to be a quick draw and a description to go with, that blew into a full chapter and now it's also on Ao3 SO happy reading ig idk

I never see Shane works that don't go all in for romance nor explore the more realistic ugly parts of recovery, and I kind of crave That TM. So let me have at it too with the self-insert whump mumbo jumbo; no romo version.

Set post-8 hearts event, Farmer Uidelsib is two years or so in, full house built and married to Emily. They/them pronouns, same as me.

Diverges from then on, Shane-centric from an outside POV for the most part.

[[MORE]]

Take that can away if you can.

Gulp it down. Chapter 1/2/3/4

There's a few to-know to survive life in society, in the valley; there's no good way to comment on the age nor weight of both resident housewives, you can't say no to Evelyn's homemade cookies- and why would you, you fool-, you do not fight at the Saloon or you'll get no cheese anymore on your pizza and only sparkling water for drinks, and-

And you don't mess with Shane's alcohol related ritual.

Except I did, that night, because you do that, when your two-years long friendship with the guy taught you better than letting his impulses overcome yours, when your buddy is trying to recover from teenage long-lasting into early adulthood, trauma-enhanced heavy addiction, and you know, you know tomorrow he'll feel like absolute shit and question his right to therapy the moment he'll stop his pounding skull from splitting. Wonders what a three-dosage paracetamol can do. 

At least he doesn't drink it out anymore.

So yeah, when you're in my shoes, you get that Joja store-bought crap out of Shane's hand, and you brace yourself for the incoming lash out.

The first fractions of seconds are always those to look closely into most. It's only a glimpse, but before the scowl slips on like a well-worn boxing glove ready to strike, there is always this open page I learned I needed to decipher as quick as I could.

Tonight, it's heartbreaking. When I peck his forehead- doting big sibling habits die hard, even when you're actually the youngest of the pair- the eyes I catch looking at me are so confused and bare of any emotion, except for the sorrow that goes beer-soaked tears, it pangs. I get used to the breakdowns, working in the fields I do when I'm off the farm's, but it's not the same when it's a friend.

When I straighten back, offensive beverage in hand, it's already gone in a flinch, away from the empty space behind the chair and onto the table, as he snarls.

"Wha- giv'me back- 's mine!" I don't know how much he drunk before he met up with me, but from the slurring, it's a Lot. A season and a half into sobriety. That's harsh.

I ignore him and walk behind him, pondering where to put the beer for now.

"Y-you can't just do that! It's my booze I got with m'money, not some- who d'you think you are?-" He sputters indignantly, angry tears fewer than the sad ones but still there. He tries to turn around and grab behind his back, but the wild movement is way off and only gets the chair to nearly topples down. I rush in time to stabilize it, and profit off the moment to set a strong hand on his shoulder.

"I can just do that, 'cus it's my house I got with my money, and I think I'm your pal who knows when you've had enough. Dude, I trust you to be an adult, but minutes before, you were already so torched I had to keep your neck upright so you didn't faceplant into the table, and you nearly just kissed my floor good evening. Not to mention you clung to my arms the whole way from the little entry stairs to the kitchen because, quoting, 'If I don't I'll fall in the hole and won't get up'."

I turn to the fridge again, going to open it, before I think better of it. Likely enough, we'll both forget it was there in the first place, it'll stink up my fridge- it's Joja's- and it'll be money out of Shane's pocket for nothing. I set it on the counter, with the rest of the pack. He'll put it to cool down when he's back to Marnie's. Or he won't, probably. 

That's not a worry for now.

When I caught up with him, it was a few feet below my doorstep; he'd probably slipped up trying to climb the three steps up to it, and settled for it. He was nursing that same can, muttering to himself, head down, curled up on himself. Except for that leg sticked out, he probably hurt it when he fell, I'll have to look at that and work on it if it's too swollen. Hopefully that'll spare us from a visit to Harvey's.

Bad memories. Not mine, and it's warm and not raining outside, but. Déjà-vu.

Anyways, he looked the picture of "help I've fallen and I can't get up- and even if I can I won't because Fuck You", and it's been a hassle to have him cooperate. But when I asked if he wanted to leave, he shook his head with a fervor no somnolent drunk should have. That resulted in a lovely streak of vomit down the wall right next to the door. That's also for later. If Eryza doesn't lap it up. Ew. This cat's never predictable.

Now, he's staring at his hands, sitting at my table, contemplating something too far down for me to see- or maybe just zoning out with a sleeping brain. Then he mumbles. "Sorry."

I get back to the table and sit at arm's length across of him. "Nah, 's okay. I don't mind being a helping hand or touchy-feely, must be the frog-eater in me. Not for the helping part." I'd chuckle but my quip falls on deaf ears.

I go to put my hand over his. When he doesn't blink at it, I try and shake a reply out of him, gently. He startles and hawkeyes our joined fingers. When he's finally looking at me, I raise a single eyebrow. He doesn't say anything, but when he pulls back his arm, I let him. We both straighten up, and it's hard to keep up the eye contact.

"So…" There's a heavy air on us. Suddenly, like the last year didn't happen, we're sitting a stride away of each other, and yet it feels like he's all the way back to the forest, looking down at waves.

"Do you want me to do something?" I bend myself a little closer to him, not moving otherwise.

He puts his head in his hands, shivering. Can't tell if it's the AC or his system kicking the alcohol out, or itself, in stress. I think I hear something, but it might as just be his shuddering breath.

"Shane" I insist, voice level, not pressing. "I need words. I want to help, I truly don't mind, but I need words to know what to do." He's never shown signs of going nonverbal before. If he does, I'll improvise. Until then… I need words.

Time ticks slowly as we wait. Then, with great effort and deep fatigue, he drags his palms up from under his nose to his temple, spreading some snot and wet tears across his face from his scrunched shut eyes. Lips trembling but finally showing, that attempt to let out a sound that's not too garbled. He coughs, sniffles a bit, breathe in again, sounding like a sick dog, and blows through gritted teeth before his jaws go slack. Eyes still closed, he whispers, and I have to lower myself some more toward his crouched form to catch it.

"Can I get something to drink…?" His voice is hoarse.

The demand could be comical, if we were into sour humor. And we usually are. But right now, we're not finding the joke in the lines. I stand silently, and as I walk to the fridge again, I let my hand brush his shoulder- same spot as before.

I take a minute to choose, look into the pantry. When I'm back at the table with my items of choice, he's still sitting there, his cheek is cushioned on his arms, face hidden from view. His shoulder, except for the occasional tremor, rise and fall in rythm with his snores. Breaks my heart to interrupt that, but not really. Hangovers are mean bitches with the sharpest nail art on the blackest of boards.

"Psst, dude. C'mon." I rustle his hair backward. He hates when I do that, says it tickles, and it makes him sneeze. So I obligatory do it once a day if I can. Let's say today's my late quota for the last four days I haven't seen him.

He gruffly tells me to kindly refrain from such pleasantries, and raise bleary eyes back up at the table. I can also guess he tried to bat a hand at me, but his coordination is off and he slaps himself lightly on the ear. Then he glares bewildered at his hand for a few seconds, obviously insulted. I profit of this moment to grab a small basin from under the sink, on second thought.

When he brings his attention back to me, I'm sitting again. Between us, a jug of fresh milk from this morning, a small sack of peppers, and a juice carafe sit aside a green glass bottle. There's also some bread, mostly for me to munch on. Because, hmmm dough. He squints at it all, especially at the bottle. Probably trying to read the label.

"Yeah no, didn't get you one of my best wine, not sorry."

"Hot pepper… juice?" He looks at the actual peppers next to it. "With actual peppers?" And then I get the squint too.

"Hmph, I know you like your elongated hell tomatoes, man, what can i say."

At that, a feeble snort.

I decide that it is the highlight victory of my soirée.

"Welp, have at it." I gesture to the half-liter liquor glass right by his left.

He fumbles with the drinks and some splashes around, but I lay back on my chair, arms crossed, letting him do his thing. While I don't hold back from growing downright doting on him when I got to- or even when I don't- I don't see how more devotion right now would be not smothering. He can break my fancy glass cups if he wants and spill my milk, so long he doesn't cut himself or cry over it.

Now, you could be thinking that plain water would have done the trick just fine, if not better, in rehydrating him. Here's the thing, though; going from booze to tasteless liquid, for Shane, that's a sure way to puking his heart out. And I'd rather not have us deal with an acid bile throat burn on top of near alcohol poisoning. Sorry to not spare you the squeamish details, but his oesophagus is pretty sensitive ever since that stomach pumping back at the clinic. Hot fiery hell fruits he can do just fine, with relative moderation and hydratation- hence the milk and juice- but liquor bursting its way back from his guts? Nuh uh. 

It had taken lots of coaxing, but he'd explained the plain tastes, or lackthereof, were very hard for him to deal with, especially when contrasting with strong ones like beers and whiskeys. I'd shackle it to gustative hypostimulation, but I don't know enough about him that way to say. He'd said sparkling water was a good compromise.

But I don't have sparkling water, because I do not like suffering.

I might buy a pack for when he visits though.

And I do know a handful about him already. Shackle that to perceptiveness and a stubborn streak on top of a year and so long camaraderie.

And having a certain uncontrollable fear of failing to act quick the next time coped with by accumulating information and patterns compulsively.

I shake my head to focus on the present again. He's switched from juices to soaking bread in milk to eat it small portion after small portion. He pauses in mid-bite when he catches me staring. He's still hunched on himself and red-faced and a tad bloated. His cheeks are drying and he's blown his nose. I smile calmly. Worst of the storm passed, unless I screw up and blow it.

"Ywou wan' chom'?" He offers a dripping piece of bread. In moments like this, when he's sobering but not quite, the resemblance with Jas are unmistakable. The glint in his reddened eyes that open wide, and his blank-but-not-quite wondering expression, it's all here to paint a scrutinizing but vulnerable picture of tired but bright minds.

"Nah thanks. You done with that milk?"

"...Sure." He eyes it, wary. He knows where this is going, and he doesn't like it. I take the drink off the table, and his gaze follows my movement until I bring it to my lips.

He frowns. A silent warning. 

And as I lock onto him with a dead stare, not blinking a millisecond, I down the rest of the 2 liters jug in three, five gulps. I even take the time to lick my new mustache away, and close my mouth with a click of my tongue.

His expression is the macabre marriage of beffudled horror and pure affliction, disgust if you will. The face of someone who doesn't hate milk, but has grown out of it enough to not be able to live off the stuff like the brave souls I'm apart of. And probably with reason, as I actually can't, like most 20+ years old, digest the liquid in large amount. But I smile like a smug cat, perfectly content.

Cats really can't digest milk once adults, it's all social mythos.

We silently judge and fuck with each other like that for a while more, as more time passes, until the room's elephant gets it all humid with its prancing around. Enough that tears and nervous sweats start again, for no apparent reasons but the residual anxiety from the whole chain of events that led to this.

"I think we should talk about this."

--- to be continued.

[jamiebluewind]

Fantasy High Characters 2.8

As always, let me know if I need to edit or add anything and tag/ask/PM me about art and stories so I can check them out!

***

New Characters

Three Elves from Falinel

3 beautiful wizard elves in long flowing robes

Surrounded by motes of silvery white light

At least 1 has a will o whisp in their ear used to communicate

Serene and filled with arcane energy

One used a globe of invulnerability (probably Kear)

Unnamed Conjurer Elf Wizard

Beefer with light mage armor and thick long red braided hair

Summoned a large sized air elemental (size of a small truck) with 90 movement

Unnamed Goth Elf Wizard

Porcelain skin with jet black hair covering left eye and black robes

Uses fesh to stone (6th level spell) on Adaine

Smiles and walks away once they have Adaine back at the tower

Kear

Pronounced key-heir or khear

Name spelling unknown, but Kir was the spelling on closed captioning

Wizard

Most serene

Extremely young child-like elven maiden with long brown braided hair and a white gown

Banished Tracker, but failed to charm Adaine during the battle

"You did a very noble thing. You saved your friends' lives."

Used detect thoughts on Adaine and asked "When was the last time you saw your mother?"

***

Modified Characters (with added facts)

Aelwyn Abernant

Kept in large large beautiful elven chamber with silver and marble with ambiant light glowing from the white stone

Trapped inside a 15 foot diameter orb that's constantly turning so she can't trance

Stuck crawling on her hands and knees, shaking with the effort of it

Severely trance deprived (probably hasn't been allowed to for nearly a year) with thick bags under her eyes

5 levels of exhaustion with some kind of magic the only thing keeping her from death

(more info in 2.9)

James Wicklaw

Fought with his saber in right hand and the crown in left

Brought 8 crew plus himself to menace the party while the rest of his crew went into the row

Injures the crew with him in order to injure the party, stunning all but Cathilda, Sandra Lynn, and Riz.

Has legendary actions (attack and teleport out of initiative order), mind blast, and tried to eat Gorgug's brain

Shot by a pistol square in the stomach. After he goes prone, a horrifying blast of something in his gut goes off as he shutters and goes still. But it was a trick to get Riz close so he could shoot him point blank.

Gorgug got the killing blow on Wicklaw after Fig heavily damaged him. Wicklaw's body fell into the Row.

The other pirates killed Wicklaw's remaining crew after he died

Fabian

Lost champion subclass and lost all fighter class features while keeping proficiency bonus, base stats, and hit points

No coat and 2 levels of exhaustion

Took a single hand crossbow shot which missed and spent the rest of the fight stunned.

Was repeatedly shot by Wicklaw

Gorgug had a private talk with Fabian to try to help. So did Kristen. Then Gilear came up and threatened him Gilear for 250 gold.

Fabian's mother's family have lands near the tower Adaine is being kept.

Cathilda

Dark steal sabers (scimitar type swords)

"Time for talk's over." Then got a nat20 on Wicklaw and sliced off one of his tentacles.

Feels pure determination more powerful than James can feel hatred and protects herself from his stun

Can give allies a reroll as reaction

Kicks just... so much ass.

To Riz "Is almost died the same as having died?"

Van

Was crashed by Gilear

Loaded with provisions by Jamina, Garthy, and Ayda

***

Other Characters

Anguin Abernant

Adaine's father

4th elf in the battle that was hidden in the beginning under greater invisibility

Enchanter subclass wizard

Casts dominate person on Adaine twice (and fails)

"Adaine. This is unbecoming. You are behaving rashly and irrationally."

Adaine

Resisted charms and dominate person while also breaking stun and flesh to stone.

Agreed to go with the elves to Falenel to save her friends.

*Adaine as she is falling through motes of light in elven teleportation, using sending to reach out to Ayda* Help. My friends are being killed in the Row and the Ruction. Please help them. *as Adaine appears in a place that is filled with darkness, she hears Ayda reply* Your friends are my friends.

Tries to escape with Misty Step (dispelled by Angine), Greater Invisibility (dispelled by Kir after Kir used True Sight), and Misty Step (dispelled)

Laid down on the ground on her stomach (magicly manacled by conjurer elf and led to her tower)

Allowed to keep Boggy

Hides under her blankets when Kear and Anguin comes in

Failed on detect thoughts save

Can tell where she is by looking at the stars

Was moved to an orb room (Kear: And do you intend to cooperate or will you be as problematic as we anticipate you might? / Adaine: What possible advantage to me or my friends can helping you give me?)

Kristen

Warding bond with Fabian

Was stunned entire fight and surrounded by icecream sandwiches (which she asked for help)

Gorgug

Relentless endurance

40 movement

Nearly got his brain eaten by Wicklaw.

After killing blow on Wicklaw, "Hey... I'm actually Fabian now."

Fig

Took a level in hex blade warlock

Hex blade cursed Wicklaw

Took enemy to hell with hellish rebuke before she was knocked out. (Fig: Did you see when I dragged that guy to hell with me? / Sandra Lynn: Horrifying. You're wonderful.)

"Adaine I used my everything to try and save you!"

Got 1300 points (with no actual value) for her sick shredding with her skateboard in the Ruction.

Snatched the crown after Wicklaw was killed and skatboarded away. Wanted to take crown away from Leviathan so there will never be a king, but let Fabian put it back on the head in Gibity Square.

Captured Wicklaw's soul

Is suspicious of Cathilda because she is "too good to be true".

"Look, the nightmare king could be anyone but my six friends."

Got Wicklaw's crystal saber which is like touching a live wire, but also filled with hatred

Riz

*while hiding in the rafters* "Fabian no! Don't be a coward!"

Arquebus has 60 foot range and he has 30 speed

He was the perfect person to dodge fists in the Row (while conscious)

"I have such bad athletes. Truly, I have minus two strength."

Failed two death saves (from the pirates stomping him) when he was knocked unconscious (from a slash from Wicklaw) and fell into the Row. Called to Fabian to save him while unconscious.

Riz: Hey Fabian? I think we all saw this going a little bit more epicly, but Adaine is gone. She sacrificed herself to save us and it kninda shows that it's not the end. We gotta keep going. So, we didn't bring our A game this time, but we can still - it keeps going. You'll be the hero next time. / Fabian: Yeah the ball. Next time. Next time. / Riz: Who... Hoot Growl? Is that what we say when we get pumped?/ Fabian: Yes. We say hoot growl.

Riz to Ayda: I think I have a lot of friends sometimes but then everyone's mean to me.

Wanted to talk to Fabian in private after the battle, but didn't get a chance due to Gorgug, Kristen, and Gilear

Sandra Lynn

Battle command: let's an ally attack an enemy on her turn as a bonus action

Can heal

Shouldered Wicklaw away from Gorgug (saving him from having his brain eaten) causing them both to fall into Row.

Knocked unconscious in the Row after stabbed through chest by Wicklaw but then healed by Fig.

Tracker

Was banashed to a maze world for the whole fight

Helped heal the party then "healed" Kristen privately

Ragh

Finished 1 pirate and then stunned for part of the fight before he was able to get up and fight/help again

Gilear

Passed out in the van due to the airbag.

"Very well. I will go into the back of the van. If anyone needs me, I will be surprised."

Threatened Fabian for 250 gold after he was acosted by a man who said he would kill him unless he gave him 250 gold. ("You need to shut the fuck up because I'm a dead man unless I get 250 gold pieces. You're down here with me now all right? Your rich. I'm not. Help me. Please help me.")

Ayda

Joined party temporarily to save her friend Adaine

Offered to teleport everyone and created a firy orange rune to do it.

***

Location Info

Ka'lethriel Tower

Beautiful courtyard

Smooth rounded marble flagstones are set into the garden

Look like a very zen meditative type of place.

There are high walls around the courtyard as well as towers.

"Orb rooms" (to keep prisoners in a constant state of trance deprivation) as well as regular rooms.

Near the Lands of the Lomenelda

***

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[alltheangstmygifttoyou]

So like, I knew that the last six or seven times I went to make a tumblr post something got me distracted and discarding the draft not liking where whatever I was saying was going (or just knowing that even i wouldn't be able to understand whatever the hell i was saying, which happens often unfortunately). But fuck mothers day feels like agggggeeeesss ago. So June. Turned 21. Still can't get an appointment with the cardiologist. Getting an mri to check for a pontenial miscrospic tumor in my pituitary gland. Boy that was stressful the week all I knew was maybe brain tumor is the problem. Apperantly even if it turns out I do have the microscopic tumor its fine, just check on it once year like my thyroid to make sure it stays tiny. Doctor said every 10 out of a hundred people have this (why she didn't simplify it to 1 in ten idk but im going to assume the doctor knows what they're saying more than I do.) And it normally doesn't grow. My strength and appetite are steadily improving, although bending over or squatting sucks the energy from me rapidly. Other than that there was a tiny amount of family drama but everything I witnessed was civil enough so that was cool. I have no creativity still, and stamina for any sort of writing/drawing is gone. Havent been able to make myself use my laptop in weeks once again. But I did find an app for my phone to have it read my own documents to me which is soothing and helps keep it all fresh in my mind. Been using prompt books to try and think about original fiction again. Don't know if I mentioned taking a summer class and then dropping it but that happened. I am starting to wonder if my repetitive days of mostly isolation and internet access is how seniors in nursing homes feel. Because I'm starting to understand why no one wants to go to one even if it means more help around. There's so much stuff I could be doing but my mind and body don't cooperate and its just my own thoughts and something else running something im not paying attention to. Normally taking refusge in my mind just means daydreaming, but no creativity = no daydreaming. All of this to say: here's what little I've gotten myself to do

Content warnings: skull imagery?

I've been playing with stamps and how I can mess with them. Also a little painting of a butterfly and cat. Drawing notes for class, new pen colors, and a story idea for a tau fic brainstormed and has not been touched since. Messing around with my washi tape. Want to start working on making collages and multimedia works to try and spark inspiration (and feel less guilty for barely touching hundreds of dollars in art supplies). Organizing is still a thing, need to hurry it up if I want the garage sale to happen mid July. There's just so much. Like, my toddler toy bin has been uncovered and I have to try hard not to be sentimental and keep a bunch of old toys that I will never touch again because memories. Anyway its almost one in the morning so im going to bed. I hope you all have been doing well (or as well as one can in these times...) and I wish you all motivation for your wips!