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razorsadness · 1 month ago

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what i mean when i say i want it all, when i say i get sad about all the things i’ll never do even if i’m largely content with the things i am doing— you get older, and you realize that certain doors are closed to you now. your life kinda settles itself around you. when i was young my life was worse in a lot of ways but there was this sense that i could do anything at any moment, be anyone i wanted. it’s not that i think my life is over, that nothing is possible, that i’ll never do anything interesting ever again, not at all. but, to quote ammi emergency: Now that I am older, I have more skills but less energy. I now believe anything is possible, but also that it is no longer probable. or to quote neil kulkarni: Nothing’s more heartbreaking than being reminded of a time when you thought you had a future, even if it was a no-future, fuck-everybody, gonna-die by the time I’m 30 kinda future. i know i’ll still do plenty of amazing things in my life. but i also know that there are certain things i will never do, or never do again, & that breaks my heart sometimes.

[from a journal entry, October 7, 2019]

#razorsadness #dear livejournal #2019 #fucking feeling this right now #fucking feeling this forever

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puppyeared · 2 months ago

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filipina miku!! my mom helped me with her outfit ^_^

#THIS TOOK ME FOREVER RAAHHHH #i had help from my mom with stuff like the parts of the traje de mestiza which is the outfit shes wearing #this trend looks so much fun and i wanted to join in.. im first gen canadian though so ive never been to the philippines and only #know thru stories of my parents growing up. im proud of my heritage but there are some things i didnt grow up with that #make me feel disconnected from my culture. so it was nice to talk to my mom abt it and ask for her help with this :3 #the pleated tapis is meant to resemble her skirt.. i had no way of adding her stockings but i noticed the piano key design #so i used that for the saya. the bandana is meant to resemble her hairties and shes wearing bakya wooden slippers with embroidery #i kinda wanted to add the panuelo to resemble her tie as a finishing touch but i forgor ;w; just imagine it i guess #my mom really likes this. shes a little confused abt the blue hair and i had to explain her hair is like that but she thinks shes pretty #originally i wanted her holding the woven pamaypay and fanning herself because ITS HOT ITS 25 FUCKING DEGREES TODAY #but i couldnt get the pose right so i settled for this. i wanna draw her and brazilian miku high fiving ill do that tmrw #my art #myart #hatsune miku #miku worldwide #philippines #vocaloid #miku

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lotus-pear · 4 months ago

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learning to love

#they make me so fucking unwell i feel so ill whenever i think about them #it's OVER for me i'm done #teen skk is going on my fucking suicide note thanks for everything asagiri #something something your bloodied hand in mind something something by you i am forever undone #something something to the world we may be villains but to each other we're two halves of the same soul #head in my fucking hands #sry for getting all emo i rewatched pmmm yesterday and i've been feeling existential about everything #i actually listened to the pmmm ost while drawing it saved me i love you yuki kajiura😍 (i died)#nothing like a haunting latin chorus echoing through my empty head while i draw tragic yaoi 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰#big shoutout to sis puella magica i had that one on loop for like two hours‼️#anyway enough about the doomed yuri anime back to skk #forget everything i said i actually hope they explode i'm sick of their asses #bungou stray dogs #bungo stray dogs #bsd #chuuya nakahara #nakahara chuuya #osamu dazai #dazai osamu #soukoku #skk #posting at ungodly hours again this is gonna catch up to me 💔#lotus draws

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panstarry · 7 months ago

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my final from last semester that i made into a zine. cooked this one up in a couple hours before the critique (the ink was still wet!), so it's very raw and kind of sloppy but the sentiment is there. i love you trans people of color. we are the backbone of this community 🌟

#pan draws #pan designs #zine #risograph #i'm not gonna lie i don't love how this one turned out OTL and i think the wording is not done but well... a deadline is a deadline #i'll probably touch it up and rewrite it in the future but who's to say.. i need to stew on how to articulate my feelings coherently #anyway my transness is so closely tied to my experience as a person of color. the current political climate is so fucking ass to exist in #but more than anything i am pissed off at white punks & leftists & trans people that refuse to have meaningful solidarity with us.#so yeah anyway. i was stuck on this one forever and only really got anywhere with it after attending 2 punk noise shows in a row where they #actually used their fucking platform to do like. anything. our struggles are connected you need to careeeee YOU HAVE TO CARE........ ok bye #tdov #trans day of visibility #<- i was sitting on uploading this for a while so the stars kind of aligned for it to be today huh.... happy tdov i love you #xines

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bacchuschucklefuck · 5 months ago

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soon it'll be dawn again

transcript under the cut ⏬

page 01

Fig: no way? - you're still up?

Riz: Wh– yes?

Riz: Why'd I not be.

page 02

Fig: I me~~ean - that took.

Fig: whole day.

Riz: Yeah?

Fig: 'm beat.

Riz: you should sleep.

page 03

Fig: nah. my guy's still up

Fig: I wanna hang out.

page 04

Riz: That's really nice.

Fig: Hah! - Nobody ever expects an Archdevil rockstar to be nice.

Riz: … yeah. - 's just budget work tho. (the stuff I'm working on) - I've heard it's boring.

page 05

Fig: yeah, but you do it…

Riz: It keeps things going, right? - Nothing happens if nobody sits down and - does the thing.

Fig: That's right… - though. Yeah.

page 06

Fig: sometimes it's someone else who - doesn't want the same thing to happen.

Riz: … - mm.

page 07

Riz (off screen): …It took me a long time to get that not everyone likes doing what I do. - 's probably because you guys are so nice– - or. - kind.

Riz (off screen): to anyone too, not just. - the people you /love/.

page 08

Riz: that's not how it is elsewhere. - The world's– not. hostile. - but 's not like it's kind.

Riz: So I'm doing as much as I can now…

page 09

Fig: Hey.

Riz: ?

Fig: Go dig some dirt with me.

page 10

Riz: [blank speech bubble] - oh you meant like - actual dirt. (not incriminating information)

Fig: o yea.

Fig: there's clay in the backyard soil. - sometimes when I'm sun deficient or something I go touch dirt for a bit.

page 11

Fig: here u go

page 12

Riz: uh

Fig: now we make a thing! - 'm pretty good at freehanding a bowl.

Fig: I'll show u

page 13

Fig: just– yep, flatten that out as evenly as u can, then–! - actually ur nails'd be so good at cutting out the strip. [larger than usual space] wait. - wait. wait u can carve patterns with them! we HAVE to try

Riz: uh - What. do I carve?

Fig: anything!!!

page 14

Fig: and– yep just seal the inside uh. seam?

Fig: yep that works - okay time's up! all contestant hands up

Riz: [blank speech bubble] - okay - wh. what's next?

Fig: haha - watch this.

(sound effect text): FWOO—MP

page 15

Riz: WH– DON'T JUST DO THAT???

Fig: Now it's fired!

Riz: THAT WAS NOT SAFE

Fig: (actually it's just dry. if u add water rn it'll dissolve)

Fig: ok catch!

Riz: [blank speech bubble] - careful!!

Fig: dw no need haha

page 16

Riz (thought bubble): oh - it's warm…

Fig: now I want you to throw this.

page 17

Fig: u gotta do it - c'mon

page 18

Riz: wh– - It's like 3AM right now

Fig: oh it's not /fired/ fired it's not gonna make a loud noise

Riz: And then just? leave a pile out here?

Fig: pour water over it & it'll be gone I told u

Riz: but

page 19

Fig (off screen): RIz.

page 20

Fig: I've done all this before.

Fig: Can you trust that at least?

page 21

Riz: no, I– - I do. - I trust you.

page 23

Riz: okay what happens now

(sound effect text): glob

page 24

Fig: we do it again!

page 25

Riz: wh. [larger than usual space] What do you mean. (this clay's too wet also)

Fig: see! you're already learning

Fig: [blank speech bubble] - there are flows that are futile to fight. - The world changes.

Fig: Things change.

page 26

Fig: I've learned my lessons with "forevers". - But - as an artist

Fig: I can give you one thing: - You can always do it again.

page 27

Fig: most of everything depends on the rest of the world, - but this. - making new. - that's yours as long as you want it.

page 28

Fig: So?

page 29

Riz: Yeah. - Yeah! - let's make another one.

#dimension 20 #fantasy high junior year #fhjy #riz gukgak #figueroth faeth #technically no spoilers in this comic but listen. I Will be gloating in tags. I will Never Shut Up #for the record!! this was fully conceptualized and sketched Before the finales. I started sketching this after the boat fight #and when murph closed riz's arc this season with ''maybe it's okay to change and welcome new things'' I pogged irl #I am simply the best at reading comprehension what can I say! (<- grown ass man with roughly the same perspective on teenhood as the player #fucked up that this became so long (almost 30 squares lol) that it took me this long to finish #lmao I say all that but. genuinely I am delirious and my feelings abt riz's arc this season are so big... I was getting psychic backlash #for a While lol. it was scary!!#had to sit down and do therapy on my own ass for a bit. the teenage apocalyticisation is real. that word isnt tho Im pretty sure #truly anything you do at that age feels like that's it that's all you've got going on forever. and its not true! its simply not true #you'll be okay my guy. you love your friends so so much but also there will be more to love out there #this one goes out to fellow aroaces and also folks leaving somewhere theyve called home for a long time #nothing lasts forever but that means new things come by too! ur ability to make new is infinite!!#there's no magnum opus people leave but new people come by too etc. I am too sleepy to remember what I wanted to say uhhh #well. thank u for looking at my art. I think thats the one pack it n ship it boys

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kourota · 3 months ago

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⸢This story is for just that one reader.⸥

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turtletaubwrites · 7 months ago

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My greasy boy 🥰🔥

#portgas d ace #ace one piece #one piece #one piece screencaps #i feel like he needs to take a shower #but i wouldn't fucking care #i just want to throw him in the trunk of my car #and hide him from the world forever #we can have stinky car sex and he'd never have to face the real world again #😭😭#turtletaub screencaps

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automatonwithautonomy · 6 months ago

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it doesnt matter if theyre in love because they love each other. do you understand. do you get it.

#um #look i obviously dont begrudge any shipping but they love each other!!#theyre fucking devoted to each other always forever and ever #and every thing else is just sort of background noise. yknow??#well this was originally about #dead boy detectives #but #malevolent #jarthur #dbd #qpr #i feel like this could come off harsh and its not!!#but not everythings about romance yknow #um. and if i said #trobed #also. like obviously the romantic part is important to edwin at least. but its not the be all and end all and i fucking love that!!!!

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lazylittledragon · 9 months ago

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do any other artists feel like. yeah you're a 'good artist' because you draw things that look nice, but like. TECHNICALLY? you're really not great

i really hate that i can recognise that yes, my art is good, but is it VARIED? is it dynamic?? is my anatomy good? is it full of texture and colour theory? do i know how to do This? can i do That? no, not really. and that's quite painful actually

#ramble #yes this is the artist's perspective bs and yes this is anxiety because it's 1am #and yes i'm forever learning and growing but also #aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.#drawing my little guys is fun but i am not good enough for the industry right now and that fucking sucks #i really feel like if i walked into a studio with my portfolio right now they would laugh at me #one of those days where i wish i'd done a more useful degree y'know #i'm going back through the phase where i don't know what i'm going to be anymore and it's scary #some days i really want to give it up and never draw again and do something worthwhile because i Know my life would be easier #and i hate that something i love so much makes me feel so hopeless #signs that i should go to bed ^^^^#i will resume my pity party tomorrow

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carnivalcarriondiscarded · 1 year ago

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some misc Barn & Wally doodles from the past week or so <3 i heart them

#i read 'barnaby bites wally out of affection' exactly Once and it imprinted in my brain forever #its so damn cute... what the fuck... who authorized that....#one thing about me: yes i Will exaggerate size differences. no im Not sorry #listen one thing i love more than the big guy & their lil buddy dynamic #is big guy & their lil buddy 'rough-housing'#where it looks vicious but the big guy is actually being so so gentle and careful <3 #it kills me every time!!!#AND THESE TWO ARE PERFECT FOR BOTH BABEYYYYYY #the bestiessssss themmmmm them them them #i have so many thoughts / feelings about them and many of them Directly Conflict <3 #scribble salad #welcome home #wait when. when did i start drawing barnaby so damn much #every other scribble is Him #uh oh! looks like hes Blorbo!!!#anyhow sometimes i sit on doodles for Days and Days #until it occurs to me that hey. i can post these #i havent been scribbling much bc ive been chipping away at comms when i have the free time to do Art #the only non-comm stuff have been silly warmups riperoni #BUT! AHA! last week's me (early this week???) was in their Barnaby & Wally feels!!!#providing current me with Crumbs to post!

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razorsadness · 3 months ago

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still, i sometimes miss new relationship energy. especially those first flutters of a new crush, the flirtations, the time before you’ve kissed or slept together, wondering: will we? or even knowing that you will, but it hasn’t happened yet, & all the sexy anticipation of it.

but what i miss even more than that is specific people. one night stands, long-ago crushes, people i dated but only briefly, people who were in my life for a long time but who i had on-again off-again relationships with.

[from a journal entry, 9/14/21]

#razorsadness #journal entry #2021 #relationships #i miss everything all the time #these are just ghosts that broke my heart before i met you #fucking feeling this right now #fucking feeling this forever

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wistfulwatcher · 6 months ago

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