#i have so many thoughts / feelings about them and many of them Directly Conflict <3

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

some misc Barn & Wally doodles from the past week or so <3 i heart them

[freelancearsonist]

Won't You Suffer for the Angels to Fly?

➔ Joel Miller x fem!Reader - 2k

➔ Joel finds religion in the last place he expected to--a preacher's daughter.

➔ Rated MA for pure blasphemy. a lot of religious imagery and defiling of holy places--please read at your own risk. unprotected p in v sex, creampie, squirting, fingering (f receiving), corruption kink, HEFTY age gap (r is early 20s [unspecified], joel is 56), reader uses feminine pronouns and has female anatomy [please let me know if i missed anything at all :)]

➔ this is for my mid to plus!sized readers :) you're beautiful and valid and i love you. this was written in basically one sitting after i binged mike flanagan's midnight mass in one night. thank you to my lovelies @ramblers-lets-get-ramblin and @shakespeareanwannabe for talking me through this <3 title is from "heaven only knows" by bob moses

The Bible teaches–at least according to what Joel was able to gleam from the Easter service–that everything happens for a reason. That every pelting raindrop in its descent from the sky, even before it lands heavy and dark in his hair or soaks the lush green landscape of Jackson, has a purpose.

He’s struggled a lot with purpose ever since hearing that existential crisis-inspiring sermon that Tommy had dragged him to. 

In the preacher’s defense, it went over well with everyone else. So many people are lost nowadays, adrift in a world that doesn’t seem to have space for them. They need that hope, that reassurance that they’re here for a reason. That they’ve survived hell on earth not out of luck, but out of purpose. He pulled out the big gun that everyone needed to hear on one of the two days a year that everyone in Jackson has their ears open to him. It was tactful, and Joel has to acknowledge that. Your father is clever, if not cunning.

It’s a trait that you’ve learned directly from him, whether purposeful or not. But you sat right in the front row and nodded along to every word, accepting without thought or conflict that purpose is in every action, every reaction, every change of tide and every gust of wind.

And if everything has a purpose, your purpose must be to torture him.

You never have anything but a smile on your face for Joel. Joel, a man older than your own father, a man whose hands have broken every commandment that you hold so dear. A man that should know better than to let you get under his skin and infect his dreams.

He wonders what it would be like to hold someone so perfectly untainted in hands that have killed and destroyed and sinned. Hands that are strong, hands that are experienced, hands that are greedy. He’s certain he could teach you all about greed. He could make you beg, plead, sob for more and more and more until the only thought remaining in your pretty little head is how much you want to take from him. Until you become a glutton at the altar of his generosity.

And oh, how generous he could be once he had you begging. Minding your manners and asking nicely for what you need, of course, but he would never deny you anything you asked of him.

“Can I help you with that, Mr. Miller?” He hadn’t even noticed he was struggling–and he wouldn’t be, really, if he wasn’t so distracted. Putting new legs on a pew isn’t the issue after all; it’s the fact that you’re sitting there on the stairs that lead up to the altar and absentmindedly swinging your legs as if you’re taunting him. As if you understand that his resolve is slipping with every passing second he’s alone in this room with you. 

“Joel.”

“Hmm?” You shift your posture to lean closer, and that skirt that’s already way too short to be worn by the pastor’s daughter, in a house of God of all places, rides just a little further up your deliciously full thighs. 

How is he expected to work, to keep his mind on the job, when all he wants is to know what those thighs might feel like wrapped around his head?

He clears his throat and adjusts “You can call me Joel, sweetheart.”

He sees it, then. It’s so subtle, but it’s not imagined. You squirm at the pet name, at the raspy drawl of his voice, and it changes everything for him.

He sees in his mind the sweet girl, barely out of her teens, who sits in the front pew with a Bible in her lap. He sees the girl who sings so sweetly to the tune of every hymn. He sees the girl who’s so shy that she blushes every time she catches his gaze.

And then he sees everything underneath the act. He sees the girl who’s bold enough to wear a bright red dress to the Easter service. He sees the girl who makes eye contact with him across the dining hall every night to watch the way he reacts to her lips wrapped so tantalizingly smoothly around her spoon. He sees the girl who knew he would be alone in the chapel today–the girl who wore an easily accessible skirt just for the occasion.

You bookmark the page you’re on and set down the book you were reading, eyes fixated on him all the while. “Is there something I can help with, Joel?”

There certainly is, and it’s not the pew he’s supposed to be repairing.

He remembers, vaguely, hearing something about how God spares guilt from sinners when sin is necessary. It must be necessary to teach you a lesson, then–as you stride over and kneel beside him, your eyes heavy with anticipation and lashes fluttering, he doesn’t feel an ounce of guilt.

“Hasn’t your daddy taught you not to dress like this?” He takes the hem of your skirt idly in his hand, rubs the silky fabric between his thumb and forefinger. He’s not touching you, not really, but his hand is so achingly close. An inch or two, and he’d feel your warmth–those plush thighs that God created to rule over Joel Miller’s mind, body, and soul; ‘til death does he finally know peace, amen.

You shake your head and even manage to seem smug as you say, “No. He just teaches everyone else to resist temptation.”

“I’ve never been much good at that,” he murmurs.

He thinks that you know that. He thinks that you’re his crucible, his most important moral trial–that maybe, if he can turn you away now, he’s a good man.

Joel Miller is not a good man. His kiss is crushing. It’s hellfire, it’s brimstone, it’s everything you’ve been taught to fear your entire life. You melt into it so prettily, accepting your damnation with parted lips and eager eyes. A wanton moan gets caught in your throat when his hand slips further up your skirt. 

No panties–in a place of worship, no less. He should bend you over his knee for this transgression, make sure you understand how filthy you are. But there’s hardly time for that now, not when he’s even more desperate than you are. And you are desperate–dripping down his fingers into the palm of his hand as your teeth leave perfect little indents in the plush skin of your bottom lip.

His free hand grips your chin firmly, guiding your eyes to his. He wants to see your depravity, the flickering embers of lust in your eyes as you come on his fingers and cry out for salvation from the all-consuming pleasure.

“Oh my God–”

His hand tightens around your jaw just the slightest bit in warning. “No, baby. You moan my name when I’m touchin’ you.”

And you do–thighs trembling, eyes watering, you cry out his name like a prayer as your cunt pulses and squeezes around his willing fingers.

There’s an unpracticed tremble to your hand as you reach to work open his belt, and it makes his cock throb under the confining material of his jeans.

You want every inch of his skin pressed against yours, so desperate for it that you’re nearly in tears when he pulls your fingers away from the buttons on his shirt. He’s not foolish–no one steps foot into this place during the week, but he knows better than to tempt God’s sense of humor. This has to be quick and contained, and you know it too; you picked your little skirt for exactly that reason.

He catches a glimpse of your glistening need as you settle over his thighs, and once again he battles to resist temptation. He whispers in your ear as you settle your chest against his and grind that fluttering, sensitive cunt along his length–promises himself more than you, really, that he’ll bury his face in your folds and drink from you next time. Next time–the promise makes you clench impossibly hard around nothing.

His eyes have never been quite as heavy as they are when you start to sink that dripping heat down his cock. Head tipped back, throat exposed, completely at your mercy. He has to force himself to look up at you–to worship the goddess enshrined on his altar, all his for the taking.

You bite into your lip nearly hard enough to draw blood as your hips settle against his, completely overwhelmed by the burning stretch of his size. He’s a challenge, certainly, but one that you are determined to overcome. 

“Easy, baby girl,” he grumbles as you start to rock against him before you’re truly accommodated. His hands rest heavy on your hips–not anchoring, but encouraging. As wrong–as depraved–as this may be, he wants you to enjoy it without pain. “That’s right, nice and slow.”

It doesn’t stay that way, though; the desperation mounts to a boiling point until you’re bouncing fervently in his lap. It’s delicious, the way the thick head of him drags against something deep and sensitive within you. He guides you when your thighs start to burn, grip tightening enough to leave forbidden bruises in the soft flesh of your hips. His mouth presses to yours, breathing the oxygen straight from your lungs as he presses his hips up. There’s nothing you can do but take it, pliant in his hold, head rolling back to accommodate the wet drag of his mouth and the tickling scratch of his beard against your throat.

He feels it before you do–a subtle flutter as your cunt tries sucking him in even deeper. And maybe, if he was a good man, he’d lean away from it and have mercy on you. But he’s not a good man–he’s a greedy, wanton, desperate man. He angles his hips and thrusts as hard as he can, shoving you into your release with force.

You overflow with it; gushing over him like a flood, staining his hastily pushed down jeans and the floorboards beneath.

He pushes you onto your back like you’re weightless, adrenaline coursing as he starts to slam into you. It’s not polite or sweet or loving–he fucks into you and empties himself like an animal. He growls deep in his throat as his cock pulses within you, instructing you to “take it, baby girl” as if you’d consider anything less. 

You don’t know where your release ends and his begins. All you know is his weight on top of you, his mouth on your jaw, the collective breathless pants that fill the room as you both come down together.

You’re not sure how long it is before he pulls out of your warmth with an actual whine, breath heavy against your neck where his face is so comfortably nestled.

And you start to laugh, because you wish you’d worn panties after all–you don’t know how you’re going to get home with the mess of cum that’s dripping down the curve of your ass.

He even chuckles with you, until he tears his eyes away from your blissed face and sees the cross hanging heavy on the far wall.

“Th-that…” he gulps. “That can’t happen again.”

“It can,” you assure him, and he supposes you’re right.

You keep your head down and your eyes to yourself on Sunday, even as you spot the barely-noticeable stain on the hardwood floor next to the newly-repaired pew on the right side of the aisle. It’s so faint that no one would notice it unless they were looking for it, but it’s glaringly obvious to you. You should be ashamed; you should be begging for forgiveness. But then you meet Joel’s watchful eyes, and the shame washes away. How can you feel guilty over an act of worship?

THE END

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[leennaan]

I'm the anon that ask would you write for guilia I have an idea for her maybe the reader plays a different sport you choose and reader guilia are both each other number one fans

I loved the request. I hope you like it too. Biathlon was and will always be my first and favorite sport. I have many happy memories with it so I hope I could incorporate it a bit in this Fic😊😄

Giulia Gwinn/ When two sports collide

Being a professional athlete was always your dream. When you were younger you did all sorts of sports, Judo, swimming, football, cross country skiing, you did everything. And you were good at almost everything.

But two sport remained in your heart, football and skiing. When you got older you changed from cross country to Biathlon and as soon as the riffle was added into the mix you knew that Biathlon was you sport.

Being one of the best from early helped a lot. So in your first season as a Biathlet, you had just turned 14, you won the German youth championship.

Football would always remain a big part of your life and you still played with your old teammates now and then but Biathlon became your life.

Giuli and you met at a sports event and instantly hit it off.

She was the one to ask you on a date and from that day one you became almost inseparable. Still everyone around you thought that the two of you were just best friends.

And you played along, not directly hiding your relationship but also not rubbing it in. You loved the soft and subtle touches you guys shared whenever friends were around.

When Giulia ruptured her ACL for the second time you knew how hard the coming month would be for her and with your Welt cup season just around the corner you couldn’t even be by her side.

The good thing about it was, that she tried to come to all your races.

When you won the first race and so had the privilege to start in the yellow bib as the overall leading athlete for the first time in your senior career your girlfriend was standing in the crowd cheering you on.

It was a great feeling as the two of you couldn’t always be at each others completions because of conflicting schedules.

She traveled with you to Gelsenkirchen when you represented Germany at the World Team Challenge at the Schalke Arena.

When you walked into the home changing room she joked that you would be the only person to get her into another home changing room other than Bayerns.

She was the first to congratulate you after you won the race together with your teammate Benedikt Doll.

So when your season came to an end and you won the Overall Cup for the first time in your career Giulia was of course in the crowd. She pulled you into a bone cracking hug as soon as you had gotten rid of your ski’s and riffle. „I am so proud of you baby! You had such a phenomenal season and even tho I hate that I ruptured my ACL again I am so happy that I could be at so many of your races.“

She pulled back slightly to kiss you on the forehead. „I love you Giuli. Thank you that you were always by my side. I now how hard this has been for you but we’re so strong and I am so happy that you were able to be with me almost this whole season!“

So when Giuli had her first match after almost a whole year you where standing in the crowd, wearing her Trikot and shouting the loudest whenever she had the ball.

After the game, which Bayern won 3-0, you came down to the pitch. And was the first to greet you, having spent a lot of time with Giulis Teammates you became great friends with most of them.

„Hey long time no seen.“ She said before she pulled you into a quick hug.

„Hey Syd. Great game!“ „Thank you, I think the whole team was just happy to have Giuli back on the pitch.“

„She was so nervous the whole night, scared to let you all down or that she wasn’t got enough and I think also a bit scared of the possibility to rupture something again.“

But before Syd could answer you Giulia had crushed into you.

You laughed and hugged her back. „You look good in my Trikot, it suits you.“ She mumbled, not letting you go.

“You two are sickening cute, you know.” Came the voice of Klara from behind you.

You pulled back slightly to look at her.

“You are just jealous that your boyfriend isn’t here to hug you.” You couldn’t help answering. Giulia and you could almost see how Klara as well as Syd, who was still standing beside you, worked you words out.

“Wait wai wait, you guys are together!? Since when? Oh my God. I thought we were friends Giuli. Why did it you say something?”

You and your girlfriend couldn’t help but laugh about Klaras dumbfounded face.

“I mean we didn’t exactly hid it. We life together. I was at so many of her races. And my post after her World Cup win wasn’t exactly subtle, was it?”

Giulia had posted a picture with the two of you hugging, her kissing the corner of you lips. She had captioned it with the words “my golden girl”

The speculations around your relationship went up afterwards but still not one of your friends believed the rumors still believing that the two of you were only best friends.

With Sydney und Klara knowing it wasn’t long until the whole team knew. All being happy for the two of you.

That evening, when the two of you were lying in bed together relaxing, Arms around each other just socking the other in you couldn’t be happier.

Your relationship may not be the easiest with the two sports often colliding but you wouldn’t want it any other way.

You were each others biggest fans, wether you were at the race or match or you were watching it on TV, always supporting each other.

“I love you Giulia Gwinn. I am so so happy to have you by my side.”

Later that night when you waited for Giuli to finish up her nightly routine you made a Instagram post for your Girl. Happy to show your support and Love.

Y/Nbiathlon

Liked by giuliagwinn and others

I am so proud of you. For now almost a year you were fighting to get back out there. Today all the hard work payed off. To see you back out on the pitch, doing what you love was one of the best moments in my life.

Sharing these moments with you will never get old.

Together trough thick and thin. I will always be by your side.

Love you endlessly, you no. 1 Fan❤️

—————-

(Just pretend that Pernille and Magdalena are Y/n and Giulia, I couldn’t find better pics😅)

[bridgetoesoteria]

🔮Quickie Read: Pick an Oracle Card🔮

Short & sweet read. Just going to see what comes out. Numbers correlate with piles.

(Psst! I'm going to split the readings so the post isn't ridiculously long. Piles 1-3 on this post).

Hope it resonates!🤍

Using Mystic Misfits Oracle Deck + Playing Cards

Pile 1

Spread: 10 of Spades, The Joker + Lovers (Oracle)

You may be holding onto something you need to let go of. I am getting that it is some kind of loss or a sense of loss. You might have had to let go of a person in some way, whether that was through breaking up or physical loss.

I'm not saying "let go" in an invalidating, trivializing way. "Process" would have been a better term. Its like you are paused in the grief/regret stage. Wishing for what no longer is. The skull has a tiny little star on its head. It made me think of the star card in tarot. Healing. You could have to let someone, or something, go that you hoped to see improve. You have a lot of history. This could be related to struggling with mental health.

The movie Lovely Bones came to mind. I am not suggesting to watch it. Its not a pleasant movie and may trigger some people. But iykyk. Perhaps something about this movie is meaningful?

TL;DR: If you are struggling with grief, mental health, or anything else. Please tell someone you trust. Ask for help with processing whatever events you are dealing with.

Pile 2

Spread: 5 of Clubs, Jack of Diamonds + Fairy (Oracle)

When I'm reading playing cards I never know whether I should consider jacks as pages or knights. So I just think of them as both and go with the energy I feel. This one feels more knight-y...

(Probably) y'all rn 🤣🤣:

Okay, let me stop trolling. Yes, this jack feels like more of a knight of pentacles. So a lot of you could be on the younger side or just really youthful. You could be used to being looked as childish or childlike. You could like to joke a lot and not take things too seriously and that may be getting you in trouble in some way. Maybe you feel like you might need to "grow up," in some way and you are wrestling with what that truly means.

Or, you could have gotten into a disagreement with a youngish masculine. Maybe your personalities don't always mesh. I don't think this will be romantic for all of you. I actually feel like it is a platonic or familial for many of you.

For both scenarios, give the situation time to calm down. If you want to reconcile with someone, don't be impulsive about it. You should probably send something sincere, thoughtful, and as "too the point" as you can get it. Depending on your situation, you may even want to meet up. If this is more about you making decisions for your future. Again, don't do anything impulsive. Move at your own pace. Embrace who you are while remaining open to who you can become.

TL;DR: If you are feeling pressure to "grow up," take a breath and make the decision when you are less conflicted. Its possible to stay true to yourself and open to change. If you are butting heads with someone else, give things time to settle then send a sincere message/peace offering.

Pile 3

Spread: 7 of Spades, Ace of Diamonds + Sun (Oracle)

Right away, if you are wondering if a certain person is lying to you or in someway being duplicitous...you're probably right. For some of you, I feel like there is a feminine energy that is burning with jealousy. Some possible reasons that come to mind:

Run-of-the-mill hatin' ass hoe

Thinks you stole her man

Thinks you stole her "position"

Like...sis is mad mad. And they are willing to try and sabotage a new beginning, opportunity, or offer for you. If this isn't someone else, this could be how you are feeling toward another person. You could feel like they get all the spotlight.

If you're winning right now, keep it to yourself. There are def haters in your energy. They don't see you as celebrating your wins when you talk about them, they see you as bragging. If you aren't telling them directly, they know somehow and think that you are on a pedestal and haaate it. Be careful about saboteurs. Loose lips sink ships besties!!

TL;DR: Mad haters around so keep your business to yourself. Not everyone is happy to see you do well and they are willing to so something about it (as in sabotage your success). For others, you are the one doing the "hating," and may view someone as a rival in some way. Don't let this hate consume you. You are great and have much to offer too <3

~ K

[tamurilofrivendell]

Sleeping Beauty | Chapter 7

Previous Chapters [1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6]

Read on AO3 [x]

Pairing: Thranduil/Fem. Reader Summary: A Sleeping Beauty inspired tale with Thranduil the Elvenking, and a female elf living in Mirkwood under the care of Radagast, who is actually the ‘lost’ daughter of the late High King Gil-Galad. Taglist: @hufflepuff1700​​​​​​​​ @jinlizz-dragondrama​​​​​​​​ @firelightinferno​​​​​​​​ @bubbleyukismile @coopsgirl​​​​​​​​ @achromaticerebus​​​​​​​ @sleepyamygdala​​​​​​​   @smalltownbigheart​​​​​​ @qmabailor​​​​​

Radagast could only stare with barely concealed horror as the Enchantress addressed him, looking him directly in the eye. His thoughts were of you, at home, alone and unprotected. He had to remind himself that she was here in front of him and thus, for now, you were still safe. He had not wanted to run into her, having decided that the less she had seen or thought of him, the better. No matter now, of course.

When on earth would Gandalf receive that letter?!

"Do not tell me living in this twisted forest has made you simple." The Enchantress spoke again in the face of his silence, her smile not matching the words that left her mouth. She did not think his reaction strange. On the contrary she knew that he, much like Thranduil, would recall that day in Lindon well.

Radagast's grip on his staff tightened. "What luck brings you this far East?"

The Enchantress tsk'd at the wizard's bristling response. "Not even a hello?" She drawled, feigning a sorrowful expression before she shrugged. "I was not aware that travelling these days would cause one to be questioned quite so thoroughly as I have since I entered these parts."

"Travelling?" A sound that was something like a half-squeak, half-hum of disbelief left him then, as he kept his careful gaze upon her.

She nodded, making a humming sound of her own as she watched Radagast through eyes that had narrowed just slightly. "You know, I am very disappointed.” She said then, moving on without giving any sort of answer at all. “In both you and Thranduil.”

Radagast was frowning at her, his mind seeming to be in too many places at once to keep up with. He was telling himself to keep his eyes fixed upon her at all times in case she should attempt an attack of some sort. He was also thinking very desperately about you, hoping you had stayed inside as he told you to, but also hoping that this encounter did not dredge up any suspicion within the Enchantress. Radagast was also not certain he had the power to cast her out on his own. Indeed, all those years ago, he had only the power to add some sort of loop hole on to the curse the Enchantress had bestowed upon you.

“This is, after all, no way to greet an old friend.” She continued, either unaware of or simply ignoring, Radagast’s inner conflict.

At this, the wizard could not help but scoff, his full attention snatched rather ungraciously back to the present moment. “Friend?”

He narrowed his eyes and his voice hardened in a way that not many ever heard from Radagast the Brown, gentle a soul as he was. But he was one of the Istari and many over the years had seemed to forget this fact, and underestimate him.

“Is it a friend who acts as though one mere repudiation is the end of all things?” He asked, his staff moving with the gesture of his hand.

The Enchantress herself shifted at the movement of the staff, even though Radagast did not intend to strike her. Uncomfortable, perhaps even a little fearful. It was so small a movement that not many would have caught it at all... but the wizard did.

Ah, thought Radagast. Not so omnipotent as you like to believe, then.

“Is it a friend,” he continued on. “Who dwells upon this one abrogation until it blackens their heart and soul so much that they will then turn to murder?” He could feel it within him, that old anger, as strong as if it were still that day, over three thousand years ago. “Is it a friend who curses children and kills them for their own gain? Kills their own mothers before their very eyes? Is that a friend, indeed, O’ Enchantress?”

He went quiet, eyeing her as he stood tall before her. He felt more confident than he had when he had first come across her and Radagast knew that he would be fine, in this meeting at least.

She was silent for a moment, pinning him with a dark glare as he challenged her, something she very much had not expected him to do. She had hoped to get him to wilt like the very flowers of this forest were doing at this very moment. Yet he did not. He stood with all the power in him and she did not like it.

“Is it a friend, Radagast, who would snatch away a betrothal as quickly as they had offered it to another?” She snapped in return then, her anger still present even now, all this time later. Her embitterment towards Oropher for not allowing her to marry his son had not faded with time.

If Thranduil were here, Radagast had no doubt that the Elvenking would have thrown his head back and laughed out loud.

“Is it a friend, wizard-” Her voice had dropped all pretense and was hard as stone, cold as ice, as she lost her composure at being confronted so readily when she had only been prepared for the other outcome. “-who would instead turn and promise his darling prince to a newly born elfling of the Noldorin High King he so very much despised?”

Radagast was quiet, for he did not think she truly wanted an answer, and he did not have one for her. Not one that she would like, at least. She was the only one who would not see it, of course, but King Oropher had never truly intended to marry his son off to the Enchantress. Even then, young as she had been, there had been blackness in her heart and where she had gone, bad things had followed. Oropher never would have risked his son for a simple alliance or something else, not when it came to her. He had told the Enchantress that she could have what she desired if they came to some sort of peace, of course, but he had not known that what she had desired was his son’s hand... or, more aptly, his throne.

No, he and Gil-Galad had long thought to promise their beloved children to each other, if and when the High King and his wife were ever so blessed with a daughter of their own.

Bonds such as this were not common among the Eldar, of course, and they would not have forced in such a way that their children had no say in the matter. They would have held hope that the two would grow into love over time.

It had been their wives doing, of course, the two very close with each other and managing to bridge the gap between the Noldor and the Sindar Kings... this had ended with their deaths, of course.

It was so terribly tragic, Radagast thought even to this day, that such a bond had been irrevocably broken. Perhaps, if it had not, Oropher would not have made that fateful charge in Dagorlad... but old hurts and prejudices ran too deep and he would not bow to Gil-Galad’s command.

“Well! Speak!” The Enchantress snapped, lunging forward before even giving him a chance to do so. Her dark sceptre was thrust out towards the wizard but he was quick enough on his feet, even so distracted.

Radagast’s own staff shot out in front of him again and a pulse of what could only be described as energy shot from it, sending the Enchantress staggering backwards. Incensed, she struck out again, this time nearly wrenching Radagast’s staff from his own hand. He stood firm, a string of words then falling like a waterfall from his lips, and she cried out as if burned, nearly dropping her own staff in the process.

Then, as quickly as she had come, she was gone.

Radagast stood for a moment, listening, waiting. Sounds started to creep back into the forest around him. Birds tentatively began to chirp in the trees above. A rabbit bounced through the grass, hesitant as if expecting some attack.

Satisfied she was well and truly gone, he moved again, wasting no time. He had to reach the Elvenking’s Halls and be back in time for you to not notice anything amiss. He was thankful Thranduil had not yet carried out his plan to move further across the river or he would never have made the journey in time even with his speed.

As he neared the Woodland Realm, he couldn’t help but think of how impulsive and emotional the Enchantress still was, even with all these years and all this power. How stuck on this she seemed still, so intent on keeping a grudge alive when those who she had bore the rage against were long dead.

That, he supposed, was what sheer anger could do when you had not the will to let go or learn to control it.

[anyoldfandom]

Genuinely not trying to vaguepost my last reblog bc this has been something I've seen a lot of but like...y'all get Lae'zel is a complex character, right? Like Larian didn't just phone it in for her just bc she isn't as forthright about her issues at first doesn't mean she isn't interesting.

It'a not a coincidence she has so many things with Shadowheart. They were both raised by cults. Lae'zel has been taught all her life that her queen is infallible and been taught that murdering her peers is acceptable and that every other species is weak and not worthy of her time or company. It's something she's proud of bc for moat of her life, she has been isolated from other species. She has only known this conflict from the day she was hatched, she is what she was shaped to be.

Like...do you also think it was a coincidence that Shadowheart was expected to kill to become a Dark Justicar, and that Lae'zel was expected to kill a mindflayer to be seen as a worthy member of her society? One murder is objectively worse than another, but also their stories have to go in opposite directions.

It's so important to look at Lae'zel as someone who was raised by a cult, though. It also explains why she's so reactive, antagonistic - she's scared, and when she needs the world to be soft, it's sharp and cruel back. Shadowheart can hide that she's a follower of Shar, and does at first, until she feels like she has to tell you. Lae'zel cannot do that, bc as far as Faerûn knows, her entire species is the cult. And people are valid to be suspicious of Githyanki, since they do do atrocities! A lot of atrocities. Those atrocities are not to be ignored. But we, as players who come to see the whole picture, shouldn't just dismiss an abused person unlearning the ways of her cult bc she's mean. She wouldn't have survived this long if she WASN'T. Lae'zel could not have known better bc she is a literal alien who would have been killed if she thought any different than what she'd been taught. Which we know bc we see ome Githyanki kid question things in the creche, and be told he has to fight to the death for wanting to be less violent.

Like, does this seem like the words of someone with a healthy childhood?

She was literally born to fight. It's right there. Sje was born to be a warrior and she knows no other way.

Also, in all this, people forget that Lae'zel is the most scared of all of the companions. She's terrified of turning into the dame monster she's sworn her entire life to kill. Her people were enslaved by the mindflayers, and she was supposed to kill them, not be captured. Not to be turned into one, to belong to them again.

And with all this, even with all this, in Act 1 she still wants to save you. She still grows close to the party and is adamant you come with her to the creche. She says we must find the creche, she assures you that you will not be hurt inside, that being with her will protect you, when that is so clearly not the githyanki way. She leaves your party evem when you don't go bc to her, you are throwing away the opportunity that she is trying to give you, an olive branch of care. And in her eyes, you throw it away - and she knows only to treat what to her is a sign of aggression with aggression.

Like, again, does this seem like something someone who doesn't care about you will say when you die?

She screams Halsin's name. She curses when the Tav and Minthara fall. She is directly contrasting what she was raised for by caring about all of you.

And, finally, when you're a Dark Urge, and you try to kill her in Act 2 after not killing Isobel, she basically just outright says she cares when you tell her to kill you.

Outright, she refuses to consider it. Even though you're explicitly a threat to her, even when she threatens you while you're feral.

I don't really have a good ending to this post and there's defo things I've missed (hell, I'm not even into Act 3 yet) but like. I've seen do much ignoring of Lae'zel and so much slander that I will not stand for.

[imminent-danger-came]

hi (its the anon who sent you the ask about misogyny lol/correct opinions anon (i dont think my opinions are that great but thank you!) except im not on anon anymore lol) ive been meaning to ask you now you feel about the hero mk warrior mei thing; its by far the most popular interpretation of the hero and warrior dichotomy being applied to mk and mei and it IS a concept İ personally like in my head (İ ❤️ tragedy) but the fandom interpretation has kind of ruined it for me (personally) because it feels like a lot of people only take mk's role in the narrative into consideration and just kind of slot mei into the warrior role without much thought toward her actual character or importance to the plot. that doesnt mean İ hate the idea by any means, but it does kind of make me more critical towards it lol

İ am personally kind of biased towards the hero mei warrior mk thing because for one, İ think mei-swk parallels create such an interesting conflict for mei, and two, because its the less popular interpretation in the fandom İ dont have to see as many bad takes on it haha (im joking)

(also there are SO many parallels between mei & swk that i rarely see pointed out by other fans... like i outside of you i dont see Imk bloggers point them out very often 💔 (ive *never* seen someone point this out before but do think mei stealing the jacket she that gives to mk in 3×02 from ao guang parallels swk stealing the staff from ao guang?))

all of that aside though, im not personally sold on either of these options! İ dont think mk & mei directly fit into the roles of the hero and warrior in the same way as macaque and wukong did! to me it feels like the hero & warrior dichotomy is being set up to be subverted by the show to an extent (whether thats because the show is going to have mei take on the role of the hero, or because mk and mei wont fight at all, or a secret third thing is up to your personal interpretation lol); especially when you take into account the average audience's perspective on the hero and warrior stuff; the obvious conclusion that ive seen most people make is to have mk as the hero and mei as the warrior with most people not even considering mei as the hero/mei paralleling swk! İ dont think this means that mei-swk parallels dont exist (İ spent a decent bit of this ask talking about them LOL) but because they require more inference on the audience's part they dont get talked about as much, which does make me think that show is going to call it into attention at some point (although İm not great with predictive analysis haha, im mostly just putting my thoughts on the table here)

thats pretty much all İ have to say on the topic lol (sorry İ rambled so much haha) im not sure that last bit makes sense AT ALL but hear me out im cooking! İ meant to reccomend some songs that İ thought fit the Imk characters ages ago that İ forgot about lol, anyway İ think burn by the cure is SUCH a samadhi fire mei song. like its one of those songs where it feels like it was made for the character. big shot by jhariah fits like. 90% of the Imk cast imo. like İ know everyone in the comments section is talking about spamton and yes the song is very spamton coded BUT if you erase all your preexisting memories of spamton and only imagine monkie kid characters with it, it becomes a macaque/mei/swk/mk/whoever-coded song. like "think you're a big shot / İ think you're raveled up in a tangle of did nots / you're always just a bit shy, following behind" is so shadowpeach divorcecoded to me. "yeah it's not fair, İ know it's not fair / you aint the only star that's been left for dead" is so shadow play coded to me (it sounds more shadow play coded in the actual song trust me here). İ also think martyr by depeche mode is a samadhi fire mei song (although im pretty sure you could say any depeche mode song is Imk character coded and youd be right aha) also İ think ヘヴンリーユー by lonepi kind of goes down the same route as big shot where you could apply it to multiple lmk characters and it would still fit. its kind of a mei & mk take on the roles of the hero and warrior type thing to me (their asses are NOT escaping samsara!) (one of the english translations of one of the lyrics is literally "time and time again" (what mei says in 3x10) İ think those are all the songs ive been meaning to mention here as of right now ! sorry if this ending seems abrupt İ just dont know how to end asks haha

faggotvivsection I can't believe it was you the whole time! *MK 2x05 voice* What a twist! I always enjoy seeing you in my notes, so hello :)

Anyways, as for the 3x02 Mei and Wukong parallels, I think it goes deeper than just Mei stealing the jacket!

Ao Guang: "Stealing from me? On orders from the Monkey King no doubt."

Mei also steals the map from Ao Guang on behalf of Wukong, just like he had stolen the staff in the past. I think in a way, the map and the staff were both "roadmaps" to get more power, you know. The map enabled them to unseal the rings, and the staff gave Wukong a suitable weapon.

Ao Guang specifically comments on both Mei and Wukong's weapons, Mei with her sword and Wukong with stealing the staff. In a way, both of their weapons are dragon related, one from the Dragon of the West and another from the Dragon of the East.

When it comes to hero and warrior mk/mei, I lean towards both! I think they're both the hero and the warrior for each other in their own respective ways. I love warrior Mei specifically because of 3x10, and because MK refuses to abandon her thus subverting the typical progression of the hero warrior dynamic (even if he can often be dismissive of Mei, stealing things from her [2x06, 3x03], putting a strain on his relationships for power [1x06, 2x03, 2x06, 2x07, 3x03]). I think moving forward however, Hero Mei and Warrior MK are far more likely to play out!

I have a whole samadhi fire part 3 tag centered around a parallel prediction, where we continue the parallel that was set up in 3x10 and 4x08, and while MK is on the verge of destroying the world have Mei get through to MK and reach him. In 3x10 MK is actually able to reach Mei...but in 4x08, MK runs away before Mei can make it to him. So if we had a moment where they were able to close that gap, and neither of them leaves, it'd be really satisfying. I am a huge believer in Hero Mei Warrior MK, don't let anyone ever tell you it isn't real.

Anyhow, onto the song recs:

Burn by the Cure

"Oh don't talk of love" the shadows purr Murmuring me away from you "Don't talk of worlds that never were The end is all that's ever true There's nothing you can ever say Nothing you can ever do" Still every night I burn Every night I scream your name Every night I burn Every night the dream's the same Every night I burn Waiting for my only friend Every night I burn Waiting for the world to end

What a "Samadhi Fire Mei pov toward MK" song am I right. It's also very Warrior Mei ("It follows the tragic tale of a legendary Warrior, and how those who bring light into this world, inevitably bring darkness to those they hold dear" -> "Oh don't talk of love the shadows purr", love a good light and dark motif)

Big Shot by Jhariah

Though I may love Spamton, and this is a very stage motif-y "There is no audience" kinda song, I do get the Shadow Play vibes (it's also giving theater Kid Macaque versus Wukong have stage fright lol), and over course it's overtly shadowpeach-esque. I also get a little bit of s2/s3 Macaque @ MK, especially with "You ain't the only star that's been left for dead"

Yeah it’s not fair, I know it’s not fair You ain't the only star that’s been left for dead I asked about your name on the moon It was quiet nobody knew you Aim like an atom who swears it’s going to shoot you Are you the only one-of-one to be found? If you could see the rest, would it bring you back down? You’re no big shot, think you’re a big shot I think you’re raveled up in a tangle of did nots You’re always just a bit shy, following behind I think you’ve spent enough time Singing the same lines

Martyr by Depeche Mode

I've been a martyr for love And I will die in the flames As I draw my last breath As I close in on death I will call out your name I've been a martyr for love Nailed up on the cross While you're having your fun As the damage is done I'm assessing the cost

THE SAMADHI FIRE MEI @ WUKONG OF IT ALL. Mei having to bear the consequence of Wukong's decisions, potentially burning herself from the inside out.

ヘヴンリーユー (Heavenly You) by lonepi

As the moon waned, I realized you weren't with me anymore. As the dawn of the new day broke, I hid my tear-swollen voice amidst the morning dew. You had said something like, "It's all my fault that you're this way." That's right, it's your fault. But just remember, that's not all of it. Every time my positives overcome the negatives, you toss them in the trash and do it over. You've stanched all those opportunities away from me time and time again.

The first pair that comes to mind is MK @ Wukong, or Macaque @ Wukong, but I think MK @ Mei would be interesting, even if not exactly canon. Mei is carrying MK's mental health on her lone shoulders, so that being disregarded in favor of blaming her for his problems...I dig that sort of broken Mei & MK dynamic.

[bubblekidaesthetics]

Baby gays be gayin 💚💫💖

When we first got introduced to Valentine in the Monster High universe he was just another villain. His whole spill was kinda cool tho.

Collecting the hearts of girls in love as trophies, thus making it impossible for them to ever love anyone again??? I was immediately hooked. And it was a Draculaura-centric movie too, so there was a bonus.

However it wasn't till many years later that I discovered Valentine's diary and boy did it deliver.

If that sounds kinda like the gay archetype, well, put on ur listening ears for a sec, 'cause we've got a story for you. Apparently, according to the creator of Monster High, his diary was supposed to have him come out as gay. It was a collector's item anyway. Kids wouldn't have had a chance to buy it as it was a convention-exclusive doll, but Mattel said and I quote "It is not the right time"

An extract from the original post of the creator which just goes to show how little influence they truly have over their own creations.

Well, the gay route was a no-go, so instead they had to be sneaky about it. If you read the diary, the core, the framework of the original idea is still there. Evident especially in the May 3rd entry:

"I now know that what I did - stealing love - was because I thought that's what emotional vampires were supposed to do. But it never felt quite right. I thought if I kept doing it, it would eventually feel right. Then when Draculaura called me - well, Toralei really - I thought that if I could get the heart that got away, it would change me, and everything would be fine. But I was just a real pain in the fang to everyone and made a fool of myself. So I've come to the conclusion being myself has to be easier than not being myself, right? Back then, I hated the thought of who I really was, and that conflict made me become someone who wasn't me. It's time to be true to myself, but it's scary."

Like come on!!!! How can it get queerer than that?!? He is one foot away from coming out of his coffin with glitter make up and rainbow hair!

But then the diary had to go the sneaky route. They knew they couldn't make him gay... At least directly. They had to be increeibly sneaky about that. Just then Spelldon Cauldronello steps onto the scene.

Written into the diary as a blink you'll miss it moment, Spelldon is Casta Fierce's younger brother. Up to that point there was no mention of the character in Monster High cannon. but his interaction with Valentine, well... It was short for one. But a lot was packed into that very short meeting. Keiran Valentine upon first meeting him spaces out, after which they spend some time together gettin to know each other better, ultimately ending with Valentine asking Spelldon for his number.

You'd think there'd be more, yet sadly that is where Spelldon's part in Valentines story arch stops. There was clear intent there to create a more inclusive Monster High, for which I am grateful. Despite not giving us a look at Spelldon's design, the fandom took it upon themselves to create designs and fanart, thus keeping his character alive.

The design I used in this piece actually belongs to my incredibly talented friend @i-have-serious-brainfreeze . He created this design of the nerdy Spelldon on a whim, and since then I have been utterly obsessed with it. So much so that I choose to create a fanart piece of the two bby gays.

As of now, Gen 3 made no current mention of either Valentine or Spelldon, so it's safe to say their story has been shelved for the time being. However, things are moving on the Monster High representation front. Twyla has been cannonicaly made autistic, Frankie nonbinary, and Clankie steered slowly towards a canonical romantic relationship.

If there ever is a better time to bring back Keiran Valentine, it certainly is now.

I'll be here waitin Mattel. I'll be here💖

[anna-the-undertaker]

IDK im bored and sleep deprived

I had an idea.... The idea is that any living thing that has a soul or the equivalent of a soul gives off spiritual pressure, or in other terms an aura/energy. I am unsure if this has been discussed at all within the fandom or mentioned in the game, so I want to take some time and explore it a little here because it has been floating around in my brain ever since I started rewatching Bleach. Just a warning, this is pretty long and some things may seem repetitive, but that is because some of the stuff mentioned can be applied to many of the characters mentioned. If you have any thoughts or something to contribute feel free to add onto this, I'd love to hear your thoughts.

Spiritual pressure and Demons/Angels -

1. Origin and Nature: Spiritual pressure is an intangible force that emanates from the spiritual essence of demons, angels, and humans. It's a reflection of an individual's inner strength, emotions, intentions, and overall power. Every being in the Devildom/Celestial realm/human realm possesses a unique spiritual pressure that is a direct result of their personality, experiences, and abilities.

2. Manifestation: Spiritual pressure is not directly visible to the naked eye but can be felt and perceived by those with heightened sensitivity to supernatural energies. Demons, angels and even some humans can sense and differentiate spiritual pressures from one another, allowing them to gauge the strength, emotional state, and intentions of those around them.

3. Emotional Influence: Emotions play a crucial role in the intensity and quality of spiritual pressure. Strong emotions such as anger, fear, joy, and determination can amplify an individual's spiritual pressure. This connection between emotions and spiritual pressure is often harnessed in battles and interactions with others.

4. Power and Rank: A person's level of spiritual pressure is directly linked to their power and/or rank within the demon/angel hierarchy. Demons/angels with higher spiritual pressures are generally more influential, respected, and powerful. It is a reflection of their experience, skill, and overall dominance.

5. Interactions and Relationships: The interactions between people are influenced by their spiritual pressures. People with similar or compatible spiritual pressures are more likely to get along, cooperate effectively, and understand each other. On the other hand, conflicting or vastly different spiritual pressures might lead to tension, misunderstandings, or even conflicts.

6. Battle and Combat: Spiritual pressure also has a practical application in battles and combat situations. Demons/angels can manipulate their spiritual pressure to perform powerful attacks, defend against incoming attacks, and create barriers. The manipulation of spiritual pressure adds a strategic layer to battles.

7. Growth and Development: People can undergo personal growth and development, which can lead to changes in their spiritual pressure. As they mature, gain new experiences, and overcome challenges, their spiritual pressure can evolve, becoming more refined and potent.

Spiritual pressure and Humans -

1. Nature of Human Spiritual Pressure: Human spiritual pressure is a latent energy that resides within every individual, arising from their emotions, thoughts, intentions, and life experiences. It serves as a conduit for their inner essence, which, though less potent than that of angels and demons, remains an integral part of their existence.

2. Awareness and Sensitivity: Ordinary humans typically remain unaware of their spiritual pressure due to its relatively feeble nature. The majority of individuals go about their lives without ever consciously perceiving this energy. However, moments of heightened emotion, danger, or extreme stress trigger a subconscious response, activating their "sixth sense." This heightened sensitivity allows them to detect particularly potent spiritual pressures and elicits the innate "fight or flight" survival response.

3. Sensitive Individuals: Within the human populace, there exist a select few who possess heightened sensitivity to spiritual pressure. These individuals, often referred to as "Psychics" or "Mediums" or "Witches" or "Sorcerers", possess an innate ability to perceive fluctuations in spiritual energy. This gift grants them the power to pick up on the emotional states of others and even sense the presence of supernatural entities that remain invisible to the majority.

4. Compatibility and Adaptation: Unlike in the relationships among angels and demons, compatibility of spiritual pressures does not exert a significant influence over human interactions. Humans display remarkable adaptability and malleability in their spiritual pressure, allowing it to "change shape" to accommodate the spiritual pressures of those around them with ease. This adaptability stems from their inherent ability to rapidly adjust to new situations and environments.

5. Influence on Relationships: Human relationships are not directly influenced by spiritual pressure compatibility. Humans possess a unique capacity to forge connections and bonds based on shared experiences, interests, and emotions. Unlike angels and demons, whose spiritual pressure dynamics might dictate their relationships, humans transcend these considerations through their natural ability to empathize and communicate effectively.

6. Flexibility and Growth: Human spiritual pressure is characterized by its inherent flexibility. It is not a static force but rather one that evolves and adapts alongside an individual's personal growth and development. As humans undergo transformative experiences, conquer challenges, and evolve emotionally, their spiritual pressure likewise transforms, reflecting their newfound wisdom and resilience, whereas a demon/angels spiritual pressure would only become more potent and not change from what it was originally.

How MC's spiritual pressure changed -

1. Pacts with the Seven Brothers: Through these pacts, MC forges deep connections with each brother, sharing their spiritual energies and strengthening their bond. This connection contributes to MC's spiritual strength by infusing them with the unique traits, powers, and emotions of each brother.

2. Angelic Blessings: (I wholeheartedly believe that Simeon and Luke would bless MC so....) These blessings infuse MC's spiritual essence with celestial energy, augmenting their inherent potential and granting them insights into the angelic realm. The angelic blessings heighten MC's spiritual sensitivity, enabling them to better perceive the supernatural energies that surround them.

3. Angelic Heritage: MC's lineage also plays a significant role in their spiritual strength. They possess an inherent connection to the celestial realm, regardless of how minuscule the connection may be. This heritage acts as a wellspring of power, enabling MC to draw upon angelic energies in times of need, even unknowingly, enhancing their abilities and fortifying their spiritual core. For example, their immunity to the brothers sins influence.

4. Experiences in the Devildom: Their experiences shape and refine their spiritual strength. Each encounter, victory, and setback contributes to their growth, deepening their understanding of the supernatural world and honing their ability to harness their spiritual energy. Over time, these experiences bolster their resilience and resourcefulness.

5. Death and Resurrection: They experience death and subsequently return to life. This life-altering event leaves an indelible mark on their spiritual strength. The brief sojourn into the afterlife grants them insights into the balance between life and death, further expanding their spiritual awareness and granting them a unique perspective on the forces at play in their world.

6. Transformation and Ascendance: As MC's experiences accumulate, their spiritual strength undergoes a profound transformation. They evolve from a newcomer to the Devildom into a formidable presence, bearing the marks of their pacts, angelic blessings, heritage, and resurrection. This transformation enables them to channel and manipulate spiritual energies with greater finesse, allowing them to access new abilities and confront even more formidable challenges.

The brothers and angels influence: what they gave and what they gained -

The pact/blessing represents a bond between a demon/angel and a human, allowing both parties to share their strengths and attributes.

Lucifers Pact -

MC's Gains:

Enhanced Knowledge and Wisdom: Lucifer is known for his wisdom and knowledge as the Avatar of Pride. Through the pact, MC would gain insights into arcane lore, strategies, and a deeper understanding of the Devildom's history and politics. This influx of knowledge would broaden their horizons and allow them to approach challenges with a more analytical and informed mindset.

Mastery of Authority: Lucifer's affinity for leadership and control over others would influence MC's spiritual pressure, endowing them with a natural sense of authority. This would make them more adept at commanding respect and cooperation from both supernatural beings and humans.

Manipulation of Shadows: The pact could grant MC the ability to manipulate shadows, reflecting Lucifer's power over darkness and manipulation. This skill could be utilized for stealth, defense, and even as a form of offense in battles.

Calm and Composed Demeanor: Lucifer's stoic demeanor and composed nature could influence the MC's emotional control. They might find it easier to maintain a calm and rational mindset even in the face of chaos or emotional turmoil.

Lucifer's Gains:

Human Sensibilities and Creativity: Lucifer's pact would grant him insight into the human perspective, emotions, and creativity. This understanding could help him navigate complex social dynamics and develop innovative solutions to challenges in ways that might not be immediately apparent to other demons.

Emotional Resonance: MC's emotions would be intertwined with Lucifer's spiritual pressure, providing him with a deeper emotional connection to the human experience. This could lead to personal growth for Lucifer, allowing him to explore and understand emotions more profoundly.

Adaptability and Resourcefulness: Lucifer's exposure to the human world through the pact would also instill in him a sense of adaptability and resourcefulness. This might lead him to consider unconventional strategies and approaches when dealing with various situations.

Shared Strength and Unity: The pact would strengthen Lucifer's connection to MC, forging a sense of unity and shared purpose. This bond could serve as a source of strength for both of them, enhancing their determination and ability to face challenges together.

Mammon's Pact -

MC's Gains:

Enhanced Ambition and Drive: Mammon's unyielding ambition and desire for success would contribute to the MC's spiritual pressure, infusing them with a heightened sense of determination and the drive to achieve their goals. This would make them more tenacious and focused in their endeavors.

Financial Intuition: As the Avatar of Greed, Mammon's affinity for wealth and material gain could grant MC a heightened sense of financial intuition. They might possess a knack for making shrewd decisions and predicting trends, aiding them in both their daily life and business ventures.

Skill with Artifacts and Objects: Mammon's pact might grant MC an aptitude for handling artifacts and objects, reflecting his penchant for collecting valuable items. This skill could prove useful in solving puzzles, uncovering hidden treasures, and manipulating objects in creative ways.

Fearlessness and Adventurous Spirit: Mammon's daredevil nature and lack of fear could influence MC's sense of adventure and courage. They might find themselves more inclined to take risks and venture into the unknown without hesitating.

Mammon's Gains:

Human Emotions and Empathy: Through the pact, Mammon would gain insight into human emotions and empathy. This could help him better understand the motives behind human actions and allow him to develop a deeper connection with others.

Shared Ambition and Motivation: Mammon would experience a shared sense of ambition and motivation from MC's spiritual pressure. This could inspire him to set higher goals and strive for self-improvement, driven by MC's determination.

Heightened Resourcefulness: MC's financial intuition could rub off on Mammon, enhancing his own resourcefulness and financial acumen. This might lead him to find new and inventive ways to amass wealth and manage his finances.

Shared Fears and Bravery: MC's infusion of courage and fearlessness could provide Mammon with a newfound sense of bravery in the face of challenges. He might learn to confront his fears and insecurities, becoming more resilient as a result.

Leviathan's Pact -

MC's Gains:

Enhanced Creativity and Imagination: Leviathan's passion for gaming and imaginative worlds would infuse MC with a heightened sense of creativity and imagination. They might find it easier to think outside the box and come up with innovative solutions to challenges.

Natural Aptitude for Technology: Leviathan's affinity for technology and digital realms could grant MC a natural aptitude for understanding and using technological devices. This skill could be beneficial in various situations, from hacking to problem-solving.

Empathy for Others' Perspectives: Leviathan's deep connection to virtual worlds and characters might lead MC to develop an enhanced sense of empathy for others. They could become adept at seeing situations from multiple viewpoints and understanding different emotional states.

Adaptability to Change: Leviathan's tendency to immerse himself in different realities could influence MC's adaptability. They might find it easier to navigate unfamiliar environments and adapt to new situations.

Leviathan's Gains:

Insight into Human Interaction: Through the pact, Leviathan would gain insights into human relationships, emotions, and interactions. This understanding could help him navigate social dynamics better and develop more meaningful connections with others.

Shared Creativity and Imagination: Leviathan could draw inspiration from MC's creativity and imagination, leading him to create new and unique ideas. Their shared strengths might lead to the development of extraordinary experiences.

Technological Skill Enhancement: MC's aptitude for technology could rub off on Leviathan, enhancing his own technological skills and expanding his understanding of digital realms.

Broadened Horizons and Open-Mindedness: The main character's adaptability might encourage Leviathan to step out of his comfort zone and explore new experiences. This could lead to personal growth and a more open-minded approach to life.

Satan's Pact -

MC's Gains:

Enhanced Knowledge and Wisdom: Satan's deep love for literature and learning would contribute to MC's spiritual pressure, enhancing their knowledge and wisdom. They might gain a broader understanding of various subjects and be able to apply that knowledge strategically.

Analytical Thinking: Satan's logical and analytical mindset could influence MC's thought processes. They might become skilled at analyzing situations, making well-informed decisions, and identifying patterns.

Insight into Emotions: Through the pact, MC might gain a better understanding of emotions, mirroring Satan's ability to empathize with others. This insight could lead to improved communication and the ability to comfort and connect with those around them.

Calm Under Pressure: Satan's composed demeanor could influence MC's emotional stability. They might find it easier to maintain a calm and collected attitude, even in high-stress situations.

Satan's Gains:

Human Connection and Empathy: Through the pact, Satan would gain insight into human emotions and experiences, allowing him to develop a deeper sense of empathy. This could help him better connect with others and understand the complexities of human interactions.

Shared Knowledge and Wisdom: MC's infusion of knowledge and wisdom would influence Satan, inspiring him to explore new subjects and broaden his own intellectual horizons.

Emotional Resonance: Satan might gain a heightened emotional connection to human experiences, allowing him to better understand and manage his own emotions. This could lead to personal growth and a deeper sense of self-awareness.

Balanced Perspective: MC's calm under pressure could serve as a source of inspiration for Satan, helping him to better manage his own anger and frustration. Their shared emotional stability could lead to a more balanced perspective.

Asmodeus' Pact -

MC's Gains:

Enhanced Charisma and Social Skills: Asmodeus' charm and sociability would influence MC's spiritual pressure, enhancing their charisma and social skills. They might become adept at forming connections, reading people, and navigating social situations with finesse.

Emotional Intelligence: As the Avatar of Lust, Asmodeus' ability to understand and manipulate emotions could grant MC a heightened sense of emotional intelligence. They might become skilled at recognizing and managing their own emotions, as well as understanding others' feelings.

Aesthetic Appreciation: Through the pact, MC could gain an enhanced appreciation for beauty and aesthetics. They might have a keen eye for details in art, fashion, and their surroundings.

Empathy and Understanding: Asmodeus' understanding of desires and relationships might lead MC to develop a greater sense of empathy and open-mindedness toward others' needs and perspectives.

Asmodeus' Gains:

Human Connection and Authenticity: Through the pact, Asmodeus would gain insight into human relationships and connections, allowing him to cultivate more meaningful connections based on authenticity and genuine emotions.

Shared Charisma and Charm: MC's infusion of charisma could influence Asmodeus, inspiring him to explore different facets of his own charm and enhancing his ability to connect with others on a deeper level.

Emotional Depth: Asmodeus might gain a deeper understanding of emotions through MC's emotional intelligence, helping him to navigate complex emotional situations and experiences.

Mutual Empowerment: MC's empathy and understanding could inspire Asmodeus to better connect with his own emotions and desires. Their shared bond might empower him to embrace his emotions without fear.

Beelzebub's Pact -

MC's Gains:

Enhanced Physical Resilience: Beelzebub's incredible physical strength and durability would influence MC's spiritual pressure, enhancing their physical resilience and endurance. They might become more capable of enduring physical challenges and recovering from injuries.

Voracious Appetite: As the Avatar of Gluttony, Beelzebub's insatiable appetite could grant MC a unique relationship with food and nourishment. They might be able to gain energy from consuming a wider variety of substances.

Shared Determination and Willpower: Through the pact, MC could gain a shared determination and willpower from Beelzebub. This might make them more stubborn in pursuing their goals and resisting challenges.

Empathy and Compassion: Beelzebub's deep understanding of others' pain and struggles might lead MC to develop a greater sense of empathy and compassion. They might be more inclined to help and support those around them.

Beelzebub's Gains:

Human Connection and Understanding: Through the pact, Beelzebub would gain insights into human relationships, emotions, and connections. This could help him better understand the complexities of human interactions and develop deeper connections with others.

Shared Resilience and Endurance: MC's physical resilience could inspire Beelzebub to push his own physical limits and explore the extent of his strength and endurance.

Empathetic Insights: Beelzebub might gain a deeper understanding of human emotions through MC's empathy, allowing him to better connect with others and offer emotional support.

Mutual Determination: MC's shared determination could inspire Beelzebub to pursue his own goals with even more vigor and dedication. Their bond might motivate him to overcome challenges he previously avoided.

Belphegor's Pact -

MC's Gains:

Enhanced Intuition and Perception: Belphegor's tendency to observe and perceive details others might overlook could influence MC's spiritual pressure, enhancing their intuition and ability to pick up on subtle cues.

Restorative Energy: As the Avatar of Sloth, Belphegor's connection to rest and rejuvenation might grant MC the ability to draw energy from restful environments or moments, allowing them to recover faster.

Shared Calmness and Patience: Through the pact, MC could gain a shared sense of calmness and patience from Belphegor. This might make them more adept at managing stress and dealing with situations that require a composed approach.

Understanding of Hidden Motives: Belphegor's knack for understanding hidden motives could lead MC to develop a greater sense of perception when it comes to deciphering others' intentions and actions.

Belphegor's Gains:

Human Connection and Empathy: Through the pact, Belphegor would gain insights into human relationships, emotions, and connections. This understanding could help him better navigate social dynamics and form deeper connections with others.

Shared Intuition and Perception: MC's enhanced intuition could inspire Belphegor to further develop his own perceptive abilities, allowing him to better understand the world around him.

Calm and Restorative Energy: Belphegor might gain a shared sense of calmness and restorative energy from MC. This could help him manage his own stress and find moments of relaxation.

Mutual Patience and Composure: MC's shared patience might inspire Belphegor to approach situations with a greater degree of composure, even when faced with challenges that test his patience.

Simeon's Blessing -

MC's Gains:

Enhanced Serenity and Compassion: Simeon's angelic nature would influence MC's spiritual pressure, enhancing their serenity and compassion. They might find it easier to remain calm and empathetic, even in the face of challenges.

Healing Touch: As an angel, Simeon's healing abilities might be shared with MC through the blessing. They could possess a touch that brings comfort and healing to those around them.

Heightened Intuition: Simeon's wisdom and insight could lead MC to develop a heightened sense of intuition, allowing them to make wise decisions and navigate complex situations.

Empathy and Forgiveness: Through the blessing, MC might gain a deeper sense of empathy and forgiveness, reflecting Simeon's compassionate nature. They might find it easier to understand and forgive others.

Simeon's Gains:

Human Connection and Emotions: Through the blessing, Simeon would gain insights into human emotions, experiences, and connections. This could help him better understand the complexities of humanity and foster deeper connections.

Shared Serenity and Compassion: MC's infusion of serenity could inspire Simeon to explore different facets of his own compassion, enhancing his ability to provide emotional support and understanding.

Wisdom and Intuition: Simeon might gain a deeper sense of wisdom through MC's heightened intuition, allowing him to better navigate angelic affairs and make informed decisions.

Mutual Empathy and Forgiveness: MC's empathy and forgiveness could inspire Simeon to approach others with greater compassion and to extend forgiveness more readily.

Luke's Blessing -

MC's Gains:

Heightened Purity and Light: Luke's angelic nature would influence MC's spiritual pressure, enhancing their sense of purity and connection to celestial energies.

Divine Healing: As an angel, Luke's affinity for healing and restoration, like Simeon, could lead MC to develop a touch that brings comfort and healing to those around them, reflecting his angelic abilities.

Enhanced Empathy and Understanding: Luke's compassion and understanding might inspire MC to develop a deeper empathy and better understanding of the emotions and struggles of those they encounter.

Divine Guidance: Through the blessing, MC could gain a sense of divine guidance and intuition, allowing them to make decisions with a higher perspective.

Luke's Gains:

Insight into Mortal Experiences: Through the blessing, Luke would gain insights into human experiences, emotions, and connections. This understanding could help him better navigate his interactions with mortals and demons.

Shared Purity and Light: MC's infusion of purity could inspire Luke to further embrace his own angelic nature, enhancing his ability to radiate light and goodness.

Empathy and Understanding: Luke might gain a deeper sense of empathy through the main character's enhanced understanding, allowing him to connect with others on a more profound level.

Mutual Guidance and Intuition: The main character's sense of divine guidance could inspire Luke to trust his own intuition and guidance from higher realms, deepening his connection to his angelic abilities.

MC's Influence -

MC's spiritual pressure, influenced by the traits and characteristics of the seven demon brothers and the angels, would be a complex and multifaceted energy that could vary in its impact on different individuals. It's important to note that spiritual pressure, as described in the context mentioned throughout this post, isn't inherently threatening or overpowering by default. Instead, its effects would depend on the MC's interactions and intentions. Here's how it might play out:

Threat Level to Lesser Demons: MC's spiritual pressure, influenced by the traits of the demon brothers, might be perceived as powerful by lesser demons. Some demons might feel intimidated or awed by MC's presence due to the infusion of qualities like pride, envy, wrath, greed, and more. Whether it's threatening or not would depend on how MC uses their spiritual pressure. If they exude dominance or challenge, it could be seen as threatening. On the other hand, if they emanate empathy and understanding, it might be more welcoming.

Impact on Ordinary Humans: Ordinary humans might not directly sense or perceive the nuances of MC's spiritual pressure, as they lack the sensitivity of angels and demons. However, particularly potent moments or intense emotions could trigger MC's spiritual pressure to manifest in subtle ways. It might influence human interactions by amplifying emotions or conveying a sense of authority, depending on which demon/angel's traits are most dominant at the time.

Reactions from Angels: Angels, with their celestial nature, would likely be more attuned to MC's spiritual pressure. The shared traits of the demon brothers could evoke curiosity, understanding, or even caution from angels. The way MC's spiritual pressure interacts with the angels' own energies and intentions would determine whether it's seen as overpowering or harmonious.

Ultimately, the perception of MC's spiritual pressure would be highly context-dependent. It would be less about being inherently threatening or overpowering and more about how MC chooses to channel and express the influences of the demon brothers and angels they're connected to. Their ability to balance and control these influences would shape the reactions of those around them.

To sort of wrap this up (because I have been at this for a few hours now and if I don't stop now I won't) MC is most definitely one of the most powerful humans in all three realms to ever exist.

[yeetlegay]

Kinn’s voice in episode 5: Kinn, respectfully, go to therapy

Izzy back with another vocal analysis, this one ft. the many tears I shed over having to rewatch Porsche go through it multiple times, all for you guys. I didn’t have as much time this week to write my thoughts out, so I’ve tried to keep this post short and snappy as much as possible.

So let’s jump right in!

The morning after scene.

What strikes me most about Kinn’s voice in this scene is how well he balances a tone that’s calm/controlled without the infusion of authority that usually comes with that control. Kinn has already created distance between them, begun to redraw the line that was all but crossed out the previous night, but he’s not quite ready to let go of the vulnerability he felt with Porsche. Even with the edge of aloofness in his voice, there’s still tenderness there, concern, guilt. He’s torn between speaking as a boss to an employee, and speaking as a lover, as an equal. There’s a moment when this conflict cracks his voice open a little as he asks if Porsche is okay, even repeating himself when the question goes unanswered. It’s not quite an opening for a further expression of intimacy, if that makes sense, but it’s something close. And with Porsche’s response, his need to be alone, Kinn has his confirmation that Porsche doesn’t want that intimacy, not from him. He pulls his voice back into that control, and by the time he leaves the room, the line is halfway drawn again.

The chess scene.

I think this is one of my favorite scenes in the entire episode, for a number of reasons. The cinematography, the writing, the direction, the extended chess metaphor, the way Kinn’s chair is bathed in light from the upper right corner while Korn’s chair is cast in shadow. But Kinn’s voice here is unique as well.

We haven’t actually seen him alone with his father that much, even though it often feels like Korn is ever-present. This is the first time Kinn has really faced his father directly, sat opposite him for a serious conversation. His voice immediately gives away a lot.

Even in the first episode, we only got hints at how Kinn’s attitude and mannerisms shift around his dad. (That little questioning “Pa?” after Porsche leaves at the end of episode 1 still sticks in my mind.) Kinn here feels, above all, young. His voice is softer, with an edge of pleading in it, even a bit of a whine. He’s speaking as a child to a father, and it shows how desperate he is for his father’s approval, how much he craves his trust and love and respect.

When his father expresses even mild disapproval at his favoritism toward Porsche, Kinn protests, but in an extremely non-confrontational way, more like a kid begging a parent not to make them do something than the controlled, powerful mafia prince he plays in front of others. Kinn’s soft, lighter, more youthful voice shows that even if he may be the face of the empire now, Korn is still calling the shots without even having to flex any real power. Korn is the soft power behind Kinn’s hard power.

The punishment scene.

Kinn only appears briefly, but the difference between his voice here and in his previous scenes, both with his father and with Porsche, is striking. He has completely regained that iron control that he has in earlier episodes, and manages to actually infuse power and authority into his voice without it sounding forced as it did in his scenes with Porsche in episode 4.

After his conversation with Korn, Kinn not only finishes drawing the line between him and Porsche—he reinforces it. He has conviction now, purely thanks to the lightest press of his father’s hand, that he needs to put Porsche back in his place and himself back in his.

The permission scene.

[I will not talk about the ownership/possession motif, I will not talk about the ownership/possession motif, I will not talk about the ownership/possession motif.]

This interaction is brief (Kinn has what, 3 lines?) but works to contextualize Kinn’s behavior. Porsche approaches him seemingly hoping on some level that Kinn might treat him differently when they’re alone, or that maybe he regrets punishing him, or that Kinn might offer some kind of explanation or apology. (Remember, Porsche’s previous punishment—being choked—was a cover meant to protect him, so maybe on some level he hopes this punishment was for the same reason.)

But Kinn’s voice just reaffirms his commitment to this distance between them, to dismissing Porsche and putting him in his place. Porsche here is hoping for some spark of the Kinn that treated him differently, and Kinn works hard to make sure he doesn’t see it. His voice in this scene is quieter than in the previous one, but no less aloof and controlled. He’s determined to show both Porsche and himself that he doesn’t feel anything special for him, that he can and will choose his father and his role over anything else.

As an aside, I think this shows Kinn’s strategic thinking, which I mention in my first voice meta, continues to be clouded when it comes to Porsche. Korn told him to keep Porsche at a distance, but Porsche is still the queen to his king in their chess game, and by treating him this way, Kinn is driving him too far from his side. The problem is, he’s gone too deep with Porsche to extricate himself neatly while still keeping Porsche’s loyalty. Now he’s in the position of either confronting his feelings and keeping Porsche close (which his father doesn’t want) or pushing him away entirely. As @clandestinegardenias​ put it in her brilliant paternalism meta, Korn’s unspoken reminder in the chess scene is: “Make them love you, but never love them.” And Kinn simply has no way to do that with Porsche now.

The Where is Porsche? scene.

Again, only a few lines, and yet with the context of his earlier failed sex with that guy (let’s call him Bootleg Porsche bc we’re being real tonight), they tell us so much.

He’s been drinking, so he’s going to be a little less controlled, although a few people have noted that he’s a borderline functional alcoholic at this point. But that failed encounter with Bootleg Porsche stuck a needle right in the balloon of his conviction. He was determined to move on from Porsche, to become his old self again, but not only did that scene show him losing control (even nearly kissing Bootleg Porsche as he got caught up in memories of that night), it also showed him seeing himself in the midst of all that raw feeling. Now he knows that getting over Porsche isn’t going to be that easy or simple, and it’s frustrating, especially with Bootleg Porsche there to witness him go a little haywire and give up on having sex at all.

So Kinn’s voice in this scene already starts out of control, and it just. Keeps. Climbing. Until by the end he’s just barking at poor Pete, whose face tells us just how unnerving and unusual this kind of behavior is from Kinn. Kinn may not necessarily be a fun or forgiving boss, but he’s never needlessly harsh to his staff, and this is probably the first time Pete has really felt his wrath, completely unwarranted.

The I’m flipping my shit scene.

Yeah, so we’re all fucked up over this scene, and for good reason. I could write a whole essay about it. Every time I’ve watched it, I end up holding my breath, making weird faces, covering my mouth, just short-circuiting from the sheer tension of this scene.

The body language is fascinating, down to the literal ART of that panned-out shot when Kinn wakes and points his gun at Porsche. His voice is a little more toned-down initially from the previous scene with Pete, a clear but very strained effort to modulate and retain power, but as usual Porsche doesn’t respond to it or cower from it.

As in the previous episode, once Kinn has even the littlest crack in his armor, his voice falls apart pretty quickly when he has Porsche in front of him. His second line (”You only told me you were going to hang out with Khun.”) is almost accusatory, showcasing all of his jealousy, his worry, his fear, his sheer feeling for Porsche, even if Porsche doesn’t recognize it in the moment.

After that, he’s almost yelling, reminding Porsche the second family can’t be trusted, but there’s no real power in his voice despite the added volume. He’s not controlling it, he’s not infusing force or authority. His voice still has a softness to it that it didn’t have in, say, the punishment scene. He’s being reactive, volatile, and in doing so he levels the field between himself and Porsche and creates space for an actual dialogue, even if it’s not an especially productive one.

Porsche takes the opening, such as it is, in a roundabout way. He wants Kinn to talk about it, and the only way he can see to do that at this point is to bait him, to goad him into being even less controlled. When he implies Kinn has hurt him, Kinn’s voice immediately softens and goes lower. There’s a new vulnerability there now that Kinn’s not yelling, and combined with his eyes and searching expression, we see him have a moment of weakness, a moment where he lets himself feel all that regret, all that guilt, before he pushes it down again.

Then the line: “Don’t forget. Your life is mine.” Once again, his voice stays lower, softer, but pay attention here. The first part (”Don’t forget.”) is fairly well-controlled, clearly with effort, clearly still holding tension. But as he says the rest, his voice literally wobbles. He almost seems to have trouble saying the words. Just...I dare you to go back and watch this moment alongside its parallels in episodes 1 (when Porsche is escorted to see Kinn) and 3 (when Kinn is tending Porsche’s wound). Notice how completely unsteady his voice is here compared to those previous scenes. This is him trying desperately to snatch that control back and reposition himself over Porsche. And he’s having a hell of a time managing it.

But I haven’t even gotten to my favorite vocal moment of this scene!

It’s the moment occupying all of our brains this week, when Kinn steps forward into Porsche’s space, jaw set, eyes level. Porsche doesn’t just hold his ground; he softens infinitesimally, lowers his chin to be level with Kinn’s mouth, sways forward just a little, eyes lowering, clearly anticipating, hoping for, a kiss. Kinn breathes him in, gathers himself, and says the cruelest thing he can think of: “Starting tomorrow, Ken is going to be my head bodyguard. I’m replacing you.”

But notice the massive shift his voice undergoes in the span of a sentence. That “starting tomorrow” is said right against Porsche’s mouth, breathed out against it, almost whispered. It feels, above all, intimate. If you saw this tiny second of dialogue with no context and no translation, you might easily mistake it as a tender or passionate or sensual moment. Kinn is mentally pulling himself out of the moment, but his body is a second behind him, so that little phrase is a jumbled tangle of yearning and cruelty. But by the time he gets to the rest of the sentence, his body has caught up, and he’s already dragging his toe back to his side of the line again, leaving Porsche even more confused, hurt, and alone.

The scene where Kinn goes after Porsche.

I have very little to say about this scene except for Kinn’s very serious, very cute “okays” when Jom tells him to go get drinks, ice, and veggies. Obviously this is intended to be some slapstick and add some levity, but as soon as Kinn “takes Pete’s advice” and starts breaking every sentence in one-half rude, one-half saccharine, it turns into straight-up crack. I consider this Bargain Bin Kinn that the writers broke out to give us a laugh rather than actually add anything to his character development, so I’ll just be merrily ignoring it lol.

***

Okay, that’s this meta done! It’s still longer than planned but oh well lol. If you’d like to read my previous voice analyses, links are below, and I keep a masterpost of all metas I do pinned at the top of my blog for easy access.

Why Kinn’s voice fucks me up: a silly little analysis (episodes 1-4)

Kinn’s voice in episode 4: basically my man is losing it

Kinn’s voice in episode 6: aka Kinn’s Camp Rock “this is real, this is me” era

Kinn’s voice in episode 7: heart boners everywhere

[mourntheantagonist]

AO3 First Lines

Rules: Post the first lines of your last 10 fics posted to AO3 (Sort by date posted). If you have less than 10 fics posted, post what you have!

Tagged by @every-dayiwakeup 😘🦶

1. Trigonometry (5/6) — 11.6k

Catching his breath felt like chasing a runaway train—impossible, at least on his own two feet. Fortunately for Steve, he was on his back in a soft warm bed, where if he passed out from a lack of oxygen, at least he wouldn’t hit his head on the way down.

He could feel his heart pounding, hell, he could hear it. It was so loud, so strong, beating through his chest like a parasite trying to escape through his rib cage. His chest heaved, rising and falling without a discernible tempo, chaotic, heavy, labored.

2. Sober Thoughts (1/1) — 3.6k

A silhouette loomed over the area of the quarry. Two, actually. A pair of bodies, similar in size, heads meeting at equal height, tilted down slightly, looking out at the cold mysterious water that rippled beneath them.

Billy sat with his back to the camaro, his blue jeans had grown dusty from old gravel turned to sand. Steve sat to his left in the same position with his back to the beemer. They appeared like figurines on display—unmoving with uncomfortable posture.

3. Cheap Beer, Sticky Floors, and Greek Letters (1/1) — 6.0k

“Could you repeat that for me?” Steve asked in a voice that could only be described as confused, “I’m not sure I heard you correctly.”

He was being sarcastic of course. He heard the trio of brats sitting in the backseat of his car loud and clear. He just wanted to give them a second chance to rethink what they just said.

“We’re going to Theta Chi tonight.” Max said, long spaces in between each word all loud and proud with that smug little grin on her face, visible in Steve’s rear view mirror. Steve had half of a mind to stop the car and tell her to walk the rest of the way to her dorm.

4. Too Much (1/1) — 3.0k

“Sometimes…it’s just too much.”

They were laying in bed, staring up at the ceiling, and Billy could just feel the disappointment wafting off of Steve. It had been the second time just that week. They’d be fucking, having a grand old time, and then all of a sudden the bed springs would creak wrong and suddenly Billy was pushing Steve off of him, rolling over, and hiding underneath the covers.

5. Blood Sugar (1/1) — 2.3k

He’d been seeking him out, he could tell.

Steve was very aware of the rustles of the trees outside his house at night. Many times watching the night transition to morning in the quiet calmness on the edge of the woods allowed him plenty of experience with the noises of the dark. He could, with alarming accuracy, identify an animal just by the sounds of their footsteps.

And the footsteps breaking branches in the dirt outside his house at two in the morning…those were distinctly human.

6. Hands Off the Merchandise (1/1) — 3.5k

He found himself always circling back to the little club on fourth avenue every Friday night without fail. It wasn’t even on his route home, but Steve would call it a scenic detour, because in all essence, it was. He’d tell himself, as he put on his signal to move into the turn lane he didn’t belong in, that he just wanted to look through the windows just for a second. Just a peek. Just a glance. He’d lie to himself and say he admired the lights on the sign out front—he didn’t give two shits about the sign out front.

7. I’ll See You Tomorrow Morning (1/1) — 1.8k

It was a day that was many weeks in the making.

As much as they loved their lives—having kids and jobs that they loved—they would be lying if there weren’t some downsides.

One of the biggest downsides; their every conflicting work schedules.

8. Age/Sex/Location (1/1) — 9.1k

Billy had a pretty strict morning schedule. He woke up at the exact same time every day, shooting up out of his bed directly upon the sound of his alarm, scrambling to his feet to begin getting ready for another day at the office. It was his every day, aside from his Sundays off which he usually spent doing all the household chores he hadn’t had time to do over the week. Still, despite days off, his morning routine never changed. Same wake up time, never allowing himself to sleep in, hauling his half-asleep body directly into a cold shower to quickly wake up the other half of him.

9. This Is How I Disappear (1/1) — 2.4k

She didn’t remember the pain, not much of it anyway. She only remembered the fear, the sadness, the gut wrenching feeling as she felt the life slowly get sucked out of her and hearing Lucas’s desperate pleas. She just wanted to reach out and hold him and tell him everything was going to be okay. In reality, she didn’t know if that was true or not, and she didn’t care. She just wanted him to have those short few seconds of comfort, whatever she could offer, for whatever it was worth.

10. Eighteen and Life (1/1) — 4.9k

If he thought about it long enough—something he tried not to do—he knew, at the end of the day, the only person he had to blame was himself. He’d say it to himself, staring up at the bright ceiling of a hospital, that if only he’d known that the horrors of the quaint little town were far worse than its lack of a beach and excessive rain, that he wouldn’t have taken that summer job at the community pool. He would have taken the two grand he had stashed underneath the passenger seat of his car and hightailed it out of Hawkins the very second he turned eighteen. He would have set sail for California, and never looked back.

But that wasn’t what happened.

tagging!! @ihni @magniloquent-raven @platypanthewriter (if you wanna!!) ❤️

[fractualized]

Relationship Compromise in Batman/Catwoman

(or: I'm not sure Tom King knows just how bonkers what he wrote is and I don't know what to do with that)

Batman/Catwoman concluded this past June, and I did not enjoy it, and it haunts me.

Just... when I read a story and what the author apparently thinks is happening does not align with the events on the page, I can't help but feel some fascination. The final page, in B/C #12, is definitely the most dissonant:

What a romantic scene, the pin on a tale of love triumphant! If you ignore many of the events around it!!

I try not to be too much of a dick even about things I don't like. Regardless of my opinion, Tom King wrote twelve dang issues interweaving three different time periods, so he put some measure of thought into it. So at the conclusion of my first read, when my reaction was "lol what," I still thought maybe the spliced time periods were hiding something from me. That narrative tactic is typically used so that an event that happens in one period of time can directly comment on an event that occurs much earlier/later, and there was some of that in B/C, but its main effect was muddling the story. Plus I read it over the course of 17 months! Maybe I missed something, something that made it allllll come together.

So during my second read, like a sane person, I cut up all the panels and sorted them into the three different tracks. And then I read the story again chronologically, and this time my reaction was... *resoundlingly* "lol what."

And I will explain why at length under the cut (with many many spoilers, as well as remarks on dismemberment and suicide).

(A more fitting final takeaway from much earlier in the story, B/C #3)

Ostensibly, Batman/Catwoman is about Selina keeping an identity of her own while making her relationship with Bruce work; it's about compromise, about love persevering through conflict. Yet again and again, whether I read the story the way it was published or chronologically (for a total of five times!), I kept seeing Selina so bitter about those compromises that, to keep the relationship going, she tells Bruce two brutal lies that make the final page of B/C come off as a joke.

Again, it's this dissonance that bothers me. I ship batjokes. If you want to tell me a tale about screwed up relationship dynamics and people managing to love each other in spite of them in their own bizarre way, I'm into it. That's interesting! A lot of B/C was interesting, until the framing kept trying to tell me it was ultimately a love story that all worked out.

This journey of Selina's, which is as much about her relationship with Joker as it is her relationship with Bruce, takes place over three different Christmas seasons. Presumably this is a reference to the Ghosts of Christmas Past, Present, and Future, so I'll use those labels:

Past Track: In their earlier years, Bruce and Selina attempt a relationship while Selina tries to hide that she's drinking buddies with Joker. Present Track: Years later, some point after King's Batman run, Bruce and Selina's relationship has progressed to them living together, with Selina helping Bruce fight crime. Andrea Beaumont reappears in Gotham and asks them to help search for her lost son, and she goes on a murderous revenge spree when it appears that Joker killed him. Future Track: Decades later, Bruce dies of sickness in his old age, and the widowed Selina tracks down Joker and finally kills him. Helena/Batwoman (her and Bruce's daughter) and Commissioner Dick Grayson attempt to bring Selina to justice.

(These descriptions just set the scene for each time period. The plot gets too convoluted to sum up, so you'll have to read B/C if you want all the story beats. Godspeed.)

Selina's first big lie is actually pretty understandable. It comes up early in B/C #2 in the Future Track, when she slashes Joker's throat.

Bruce's refusal to kill including Joker is an oft-voiced frustration not only in fandom but within the comic universe. It's clear here that Selina agreed to adhere to this rule while Bruce was alive. Then she, as his wife, when he was on his deathbed, lied to him about one of the major principles of his life.

Certainly, what to say to Bruce about her intentions must have been a tough call. As he slipped away, Selina could have either lied to his face or told him that she was going back on her word. Both are not great for different reasons! Of course, she had a third choice, which was honoring Bruce's wishes, perhaps having come to see eye-to-eye with him over the years, the kind of understanding you might expect in a story that ends with a kiss that belongs on the cover of a bodice-ripper. But the crux of B/C is that Selina did not agree with Bruce on this, and over the next ten issues we learn more about why, after Joker has apparently been untraceable for ten years, she felt the need to hunt him down.

Plus it's not like Joker doesn't have a point; it is kind of darkly, desperately funny for Bruce to expect loved ones to stick to his rules after he's dead, like they're appendages of him instead of their own people. Even when Bruce was dying, he was trying to exert control. And this idea coming up so early, it feels like that is what B/C is supposed to be about: Selina's independence stifled by Bruce's need for control.

This conflict is starkest in the Past Track when, instead of trying to kill Joker, Selina repeated refuses to sell him out:

(Selina, people are dying.)

Naturally, Joker adds to the friction by encouraging Selina's identity crisis:

Of course he's saying these things because he's ultimately only "friends" with her in hopes she'll disclose Batman's identity and location to him.

And given Joker's behavior, it feels like Selina is only "friends" with him too, that her attachment is more about the freedom it represents for her, about her refusal to be consumed by Bruce— though it's still hard to buy. Joker's characterization remains the wildly murderous maniac he's been for ages now. I can see a tamer version of Joker charming his way into a friendship with Selina, but she's not the type of person to brush off mass murder while casually trusting the mass murderer. Even in this very story!

Previously, Selina assaults Joker because when he poisoned of one of her marks, it left evidence that the two of them were in the same room together, but here, she wasn't involved in the reindeer "gag." She's just upset.

Yet before and after those assaults, Selina and Joker still have their buddy time, so her perspective is summed up by what is one of my most hated panels ever in B/C #8:

(Oh golly gee, who knew ignoring all this over-the-top murder stuff would feel ickily complicit!)

One way or another, Selina clearly doesn't like what Joker does, seeming to confirm that this friendship is really about her need for independence— until B/C #9, when Joker again asks for info on Bruce and it finally clicks for her that Joker's friendship is a fraud. Selina is just so shocked and appalled that this remorseless killer would betray her, that in B/C #10 the revelation escalates into a physical fight and speechifying:

(The fact that this never occurred to Selina until now is insulting to her character.)

(I really hate her dialogue about the rogues' claims to insanity, but that's a whole other can of worms.)

The betrayal is all this fight is about. Selina is not protecting Bruce here; she's channeling a simultaneous frustration with Bruce. Selina is looking to be understood, and she's not finding that understanding. All she gets is Bruce asking where Joker is, and Joker asking who Bruce is. Therefore she decides: fuck both these guys.

You know what? Hell yeah! Go be your own person, Selina!

Uh, except the very next thing that happens in the Past Track, in B/C #11, is Selina turning around and giving Joker up to Bruce. I guess she meant "fuck" figuratively with Joker and literally with Bruce. Bruce asks her why she changed her mind, and she explains:

"He... Joker asked me if... If I was Batman or if I was Catwoman. Like... like everything in the world has to be this or that, one or the other. Like you can't just put the two together and make that work. [....] Also, he's the Joker. So @$%#% him."

Okay that actually explains jack shit, and you did not really "make that work" because this story references events in King's Batman run, which means you broke up again (probably several times) after this, but okie dokie.

So from the Past Track, we know that Joker violated Selina's trust, and she finds his murder gross. She did not try to kill him at that point, though; it's what happens in the Present Track that changes things. In that time period, presumably set some time after King's Batman run, Selina and Bruce are back together, and their conflict resurfaces when Andrea shows up. Andrea kidnaps Selina in an effort to get Bruce to turn Joker over for execution, and in a short time she convinces Selina that Joker deserves death for his brand of cruelty. The two women then conspire to get Bruce out of the way for the murder by knocking him unconscious and locking him naked in a bank vault with the alarm going off. Which is 1) hilarious, sure, but 2) giving strong Joker vibes?

(Some people theorize that Tom King is secretly a batjokes shipper. My theory is that he doesn't know he's batjokes shipper.)

I'm not saying Selina can't be funny; I'm saying that out of all the options she had to get Bruce out of the way, this is what she picked, while leaving a breezy btw-gonna-murder-now note. And this is far from the first time she has a Jokery flavor. The most egregious example is in the Future Track, when she discovers that Dick had Joker's body transported to Gotham, and she dismembers Joker's corpse and uses the pieces to decorate a tree:

(And a clown head on a fir treeeeeeee!)

Dick's dialogue is repeating a note left on the tree, which is referencing a joke relayed to Selina and Batman by a Joker victim in the Present Track: "what did Santa say when he got thrown down the chimney and landed on his head? Oh oh oh." But the problem with this grotesque display is that Joker can't experience the payback since he's, uh, dead, and Selina and Bruce were the only ones to hear this joke. I suppose Bruce may have told others about it, and certainly kept records about his cases, but still, why antagonize Helena and Dick with this specific line? Who is this for?

Allegedly, Selina is still just that angry about what Joker did to Andrea Beaumont, which feels inexplicable. The theory seems to be that Joker's manipulation of Andrea makes Selina feels a kinship with her. After the undefined version of Mask of the Phantasm that happened in this universe, Andrea hunted Joker down, only to find him with a baby that he referred to as his own child. To escape, Joker tossed the newborn into the air and ran off, and when she caught the baby... she found her inner pain suddenly soothed. (Yeah, yeah, I know.) Instead of continuing the hunt, Andrea named the baby Andrew (yeah, yeah, I know) and became his mother— and now all these years later, she finds out that Joker stole Andrew from a hospital, when the clown tricks her into coming with him to the family's home and blows them up. Andrea feels such horrible guilt about getting the entire family killed that she commits suicide right in front of Bruce and Selina.

An awful series of events... but I still find it strange for Andrea to be the only victim Selina name-checks in her final confrontation with Joker. She barely knew Andrea, a fact that's emphasized when Harley shows up. Selina has longer histories with other characters traumatized by Joker, but she doesn't say one word indicating that she killed him for Harley too. You could say it's because Selina's too focused on their fight, except she does find the mental space to declare that Harley never killed Joker because, like Bruce, Harley is a better person than she gives herself credit for.

(We've got two other cans of worms here we're not gonna open.)

Also, in the Present Track, Selina is strikingly callous toward the Joker victim who tells the Santa joke, when Selina and Bruce first encounter him...

... and when he falls off the bridge.

But okay, maybe on top of witnessing Andrea's suicide, it's the motherhood angle that gets to Selina. She doesn't seem too affected in the Present Track, but in the Future Track we see her interactions with Helena go from strained to violent, then come to a more loving resolution:

We can surmise that Selina's need to defy Bruce's rule and kill Joker only grew over time, as her relationship with her daughter deepened her understanding of Andrea's pain at losing Andrew.

Except LOL, SUCKERS. That interpretation is undermined by the pièce de résistance, the second and worst of the lies Selina tells.

Because, as revealed in the Future Track, Andrea is alive! Selina broke Clayface out of Arkham and got him to impersonate Andrea slashing her own throat so the real Andrea could run away and lay low. Andrea agreed to this in exchange for Selina eventually killing Joker. Selina has been planning to kill Joker for decades, since before Helena was born.

And, again, in case you forgot, the fake suicide happens right in front of Bruce by design, and there's no indication he ever finds out the truth. In the immediate aftermath, Selina even freaking brings up Alfred, adding to Bruce's feelings of failure and loss:

(These panels also featuring Bruce's glib, painfully out-of-character reference to his parents' murder.)

If that wasn't enough, Selina comforts Bruce by using this as an opportunity to reinforce that, in the end, all they have is each other:

(Ummm so what if in this instance the cat wounded the bat but the bat didn't know? And is this a bonding moment or a Calvin Klein ad?)

These panels come before the reveal that Andrea is still alive, so the appeal to Selina and Bruce's connection is in earnest. It's only later in the issue that the reader is privy to how wildly fucked up this is! On Christmas!

And then it gets even worse, because now, now, is when Selina and Bruce finally get legitimately married. It's not clear if it's that same night, but it must be within a week because the chapel still has Christmas music in rotation. Selina has just finished plotting for Bruce to witness the fake-but-heartwrenching suicide of one of the loves of his life, and then she marries him!

(True love conquers all when you've manipulated your partner into another bout of grief.)

In the future, temporary fugitive Selina joins Andrea on a tropical island, and the fake suicide is framed like a clever ploy the women pulled off, a bizarre compromise to get around Bruce's rule, but it just shows... contempt, honestly? And not for the first time, after Selina's inexplicable refusal to tell Bruce Joker's location, after her angry realization that Bruce and Joker are so much alike, referenced again here:

There's also a strange vibe with something Selina says to Helena at dinner, after Joker's murder:

Very "I held out long enough to kill the clown and get all Bruce's money. :)"

Then there's Selina's relationship with Helena. Before the heartwarming scene between them I shared above, in B/C #10, they have a physical fight during which Selina expresses a lot of hostility toward her daughter for embodying Bruce's brand of justice.

That last one may seem irrelevant, but I think it speaks to the point. Calling your daughter ungrateful when she's doing what you know she was taught? Seems like there's anger at the teacher!

And when all is said and done, Selina convinces Helena to not be like her father and to let her mother walk:

Selina does also say favorable things about Bruce, and at times expresses regret that she couldn't live up to what he wanted. I'm not saying she didn't love him, or that holding off from killing Joker while Bruce was alive meant nothing. But as the saying goes, "show, don't tell," and so many of Selina's actions, especially loading more trauma on Bruce, outweigh the nicer moments.

In the face of those actions, the sweeping romance of that final panel in the last issue does not hold up. There's elements of a better story here, about an independent woman convincing herself to compromise for love, and at the end of her life finding more regret and bitterness than she bargained for, and not finding peace with it. But while King is able to see Selina's need to be unconstrained, ultimately his writing glosses over it and has her reconcile with the wife/mother role, while ignoring the cruelty of the deception she implements to get there.

Looking back, it feels like the primary function of telling Batman/Catwoman in such a tangled way was to obscure the mess.

(tl;dr: where is my "Selina divorces Bruce and takes him for all he's got" storyline?)

[burinazar]

what motivates you artistically? :3

well right now blelaf mainly. no ok hang on. alright. so.

when i was really young i had this feeling like if we could all just understand one another, if there was a perfect way to beam your thoughts and feelings into someone's head, it would fix almost everything re conflicts and human suffering. (naive obviously but this was what i thought lol.) when i started to be aware of what it was to read good books and look at good art it felt like in some ways the closest we could come to fully articulating an idea, a moment, a feeling, and placing it in its entirety into someone's mind. relatedly, uh, bad stories/art that didn't seem to respect their audience pissed me off at the squandered opportunity (sorry the snobbery came out sorry) and made me think, dammit, the audience and types of people evoked within this deserve better and i'm gonna try. with the combo of these two things it was like ..okay i'm going to start writing and drawing. it was all about stories ideas concepts. oh and also i really liked rodents and wanted to draw them as often as possible lol. i drew so fucking many rodents. gah. these concepts were no joke deeply linked for me because as a child i genuinely felt like the bad rap rodents get from people unthinkingly condemning them via stereotypes was a symptom of a societal lack of empathy and consideration. (possibly terry pratchett's fault)

(could not locate early rat art at this moment but here's relevant scribbling. i was nine i think.)

 tl;dr plunging themes and concepts i find interesting; communicating them to other people. (sometimes the concept is admittedly not highbrow. sometimes it is very silly. sometimes it is 'hey ! it would be hot if this happened to b*laf'.) it can be hard to reconcile the desire to 'communicate' via art/writing with some of my work just not having much of an audience or even feeling like i don't want to share it for various reasons lol, but in those cases i frame it to myself as, the effort of presenting the idea was enjoyable in and of itself, an act of personal communication between me and the subject or content of the work even if the thing itself will never be shown to another soul : v anyway fanwork can be a neat way to do that because it's like shared muses or canvases where what you see in them or love about them is already partially pre-communicated to people and you can hit the ground running on evoking emotions, concepts and narratives using the shared frame of reference, as well as skewing and transforming said frame as needed. btw i found another drawing of me and the sages that i didnt use in the other post so here it is

there have been many periods of my life when i was making more original work, though. (i'm sure i've said this many times now but before the sages i had a very comparable attachment to a couple of my OCs.) i also had a pretty terrible experience with fandom around middle school that sort of drove me away from heavily engaging for a long time; i was still in fandoms but basically never shared my writing outside of like PMs and servers. that's part of why my current abyss bullshit is so precious to me and also why i can get protective over it; it pretty much singlehandedly brought me back to the Blessings and Curses of being directly engaged in sharing a lot of fan content publicly. (man for a person who doesnt like bondrewd i do quote him a lot unfortunately.)

so anyway. yes. uhh sorry that was really long. i sort of just like blogging haha thank you very much for the ask! < 3

[aspd-culture]

Hi all, welcome to ASPD-Culture. You can find the DSM-V TR's diagnostic criteria for ASPD at the bottom of this post.

Here's how it works! You can use asks or submissions (on or off anon, asks allow for anon while submissions don't for those who don't know), to submit things you either are struggling with as someone with ASPD, or that you think others with ASPD would find relatable. These can be serious, meme-y, or somewhere in-between. It's ok if it applies to other disorders too, as long as it relates to antisocial personality disorder/the symptoms and associated traits of ASPD.

Send as many ask you like, I am not afraid of a full inbox. Do not feel like you're bugging me; I thrive on the attention and validation of the inbox full of asks. 😈

I welcome questions, vents, confessions, and personal submissions as well as more general ones! I cannot accept anything that would cause anyone legal trouble to say anonymously or otherwise, and please no names unless they are fictional/celebrities; you can use the first letter if you want tho!

Please note that fakeclaiming/ableism against "edgy teens" is not welcome here. This blog is pro well-researched self dx, and is not interested in guessing who may/may not be faking. Submissions will be taken in the good-faith assumption that you are being legitimate.

That said, ableist submissions will be removed and not posted. Waste your time if you want, *shrug*. Also, this blog is not the place for nt people or people with other disorders to complain about ASPD, though they *are* welcome to submit questions/asks in good faith as long as you aren't complaining about pwASPD or intentionally being ableist. If you aren't sure if something is ableist, you're welcome to ask my opinion on that, though I'm only one pwASPD so I'm not an authority. People with ASPD are welcome to vent frustrations about their own disorder, as well as how having ASPD may cause conflict with others with this/other disorders and/or frustrations about dealing with pwoASPD as someone who has it. We have to mask our frustrations with prosocials everywhere else in life - please feel free to be open about them here. Prosocials please try not to feel attacked by these, they're just vents likely being used to make sure we don't say anything hurtful irl.

Being that ASPD can have violent thoughts as a symptom, non-targetted posts about violent thoughts are ok, and will be posted with appropriate tws. If I miss any tw, please let me know and I will add it asap. Because of this, you don't need to add tws in the submissions unless you want to. That said, please be aware of the type of text-based content you may see on this blog. It's ok to block, unfollow, etc if you need to. Words like ps**hopath and soc**path may or may not be censored, but they will be tw tagged (tw psychopath and tw sociopath respectively, as well as tw aspd stigma), so if you reclaim those terms that's ok, but be aware I will tw them.

I think that about sums it up! Ask/submit away!

A quick shoutout - I was inspired by @cluster-b-culture-is because I love their content, but I found myself wishing there was one just for ASPD especially with the recent rise of acceptance for BPD but not the other cluster b's (to be clear tho, cluster-b-culture-is does not support stigma against any sort of elitism within the community, and is a great blog that you should follow if you like their content!).

Edit: Here is the diagnostic criteria for ASPD as of the most current DSM (DSM-V TR), quoted directly. Please note there are diagnostic features, development "criteria" (things that cause the disorder to develop), and presentation/associated features to think about as well. You cannot diagnose solely off of having 3/7 of the following criteria, but 3/7 is all you need in combination with meeting the other stuff to have ASPD. This should help steer away ableist additions that people constantly try to make to the criteria.

Plain text below the cut:

Hi all, welcome to ASPD-Culture. You can find the DSM-V TR's diagnostic criteria for ASPD at the bottom of this post.

Here's how it works! You can use asks or submissions (on or off anon, asks allow for anon while submissions don't for those who don't know), to submit things you either are struggling with as someone with ASPD, or that you think others with ASPD would find relatable. These can be serious, meme-y, or somewhere in-between. It's ok if it applies to other disorders too, as long as it relates to antisocial personality disorder/the symptoms and associated traits of ASPD.

Send as many ask you like, I am not afraid of a full inbox. Do not feel like you're bugging me; I thrive on the attention and validation of the inbox full of asks. [Smiling devil face emoji]

I welcome questions, vents, confessions, and personal submissions as well as more general ones! I cannot accept anything that would cause anyone legal trouble to say anonymously or otherwise, and please no names unless they are fictional/celebrities; you can use the first letter if you want tho!

Please note that fakeclaiming/ableism against "edgy teens" is not welcome here. This blog is pro well-researched self dx, and is not interested in guessing who may/may not be faking. Submissions will be taken in the good-faith assumption that you are being legitimate.

That said, ableist submissions will be removed and not posted. Waste your time if you want, *shrug*. Also, this blog is not the place for nt people or people with other disorders to complain about ASPD, though they *are* welcome to submit questions/asks in good faith as long as you aren't complaining about pwASPD or intentionally being ableist. If you aren't sure if something is ableist, you're welcome to ask my opinion on that, though I'm only one pwASPD so I'm not an authority. People with ASPD are welcome to vent frustrations about their own disorder, as well as how having ASPD may cause conflict with others with this/other disorders and/or frustrations about dealing with pwoASPD as someone who has it. We have to mask our frustrations with prosocials everywhere else in life - please feel free to be open about them here. Prosocials please try not to feel attacked by these, they're just vents likely being used to make sure we don't say anything hurtful irl.

Being that ASPD can have violent thoughts as a symptom, non-targetted posts about violent thoughts are ok, and will be posted with appropriate tws. If I miss any tw, please let me know and I will add it asap. Because of this, you don't need to add tws in the submissions unless you want to. That said, please be aware of the type of text-based content you may see on this blog. It's ok to block, unfollow, etc if you need to. Words like ps**hopath and soc**path may or may not be censored, but they will be tw tagged (tw psychopath and tw sociopath respectively, as well as tw aspd stigma), so if you reclaim those terms that's ok, but be aware I will tw them.

I think that about sums it up! Ask/submit away!

A quick shoutout - I was inspired by cluster-b-culture-is because I love their content, but I found myself wishing there was one just for ASPD especially with the recent rise of acceptance for BPD but not the other cluster b's (to be clear tho, cluster-b-culture-is does not support stigma against any sort of elitism within the community, and is a great blog that you should follow if you like their content!).

Edit: Here is the diagnostic criteria for ASPD as of the most current DSM (DSM-V TR), quoted directly. Please note there are diagnostic features, development "criteria" (things that cause the disorder to develop), and presentation/associated features to think about as well. You cannot diagnose solely off of having 3/7 of the following criteria, but 3/7 is all you need in combination with meeting the other stuff to have ASPD. This should help steer away ableist additions that people constantly try to make to the criteria.

[Transcription of the image included] A screenshot of the Diagnostic Criteria for Antisocial Personality Disorder (code F60.2) quoted directly out of the DSM-V TR.

Criterion A.) A pervasive pattern of disregard for and violation of the rights of others, occuring since age 15 years as indicated by 3 (or more) of the following.

Subcriterion 1.) Failure to conform to social norms with respect to lawful behaviors, as indicated by repeatedly performing acts that are grounds for arrest.

Subcriterion 2.) Deceitulness, as indicated by repeated lying, use of aliases, or conning others for personal profit or pleasure.

Subcriterion 3.) Impulsivity or failure to plan ahead.

Subcriterion 4.) Irritability and aggressiveness, as indicated by repeated physical fights and assaults.

Subcriterion 5.) Reckless disregard for safety of self or others.

Subcriterion 6.) Consistent irresponsibility, as indicated by repeated failure to sustain consistent work behavior or honor financial obligations.

Subcriterion 7.) Lack of remors, as indicated by being indifferent to or rationalizing having hurt, mistreated, or stolen from another.

Criterion B.) The individual is at least age 18 years.

Criterion C.) There is evidence of conduct disorder with onset before age 15 years.

Criterion D.) The occurrence of antisocial behavior is not exclusively during the course of schizophrenia or bipolar disorder. [End transcription of image]

[esmethenightdemon]

im kinda back in my twilight phase and how little smeyer goes into her actually really interesting themes or makes lets say interesting choices with them annoys the HELL outta me. she brings up aging, damnation, abortion, trauma/ptsd, and redemption and just never elaborates! or if she does its not to a satisfying degree!

 bella is desperate to become a vampire and obsesses over not wanting to be older than edward and we’re told that its also because her grandmother has alzheimer's (this was never mentioned in the movies) but god we could have gotten more than just that. its a complex topic that a lot of people struggle with and having more of her outward feelings reflect that would have been amazing. 

carlisle was literally the son of a pastor and his religious upbringing was obviously integral to his feelings about being a vampire. edward doesn’t want bella to be a vampire because he doesn’t want to damn her. its mentioned that vampires go to hell but also don’t have souls? its confusing which 1- if you’re gonna make a point of adding this in, make it clear, 2- she had soooo many mormon beliefs in her book and she didn’t get this one thing right??? and 3- carlisle not only supported bella in becoming a vampire but changed many people himself. this was a directly selfish act in both regards and confuses me a lot. maybe its been a hot minute since i read the books but given how badly he tried to kill himself when he became a vampire due to his religious upbringing and ‘hunts’, you really think he’d stop after edward huh? or that it would be more important to him at the very least. i don’t know. i genuinely love carlisle as a character, he’s one of my favorites, but smeyer made some odd choices regarding him and vampire damnation. 

i know abortion is a hot button topic right now, but even back when she wrote the twilight saga smeyer had a choice comments on abortion, especially the ‘fetus vs baby’ conversation that's brought up often. i’ll get more into this with the trauma/ptsd bit, but mormons are a patriarchal bunch and abortion is only allowed if the mother’s life is threatened. they also have a deep emphasis on family, and bella sacrificing herself for renesmee and coming back as a vampire was her ‘rebirth’ into her perfect form with eternal life and the perfect family. but i digress. obviously here bella’s life is in danger, and smeyer herself has said (outside the books i might add) that her not aborting was her choice and therefore a feminist act. i....do not know what to say about that as i am pro choice, but calling it a feminist act is a stretch. there is often talk of abortion in breaking dawn but the complete lack of any argument or discussion about it past bella’s choice and ‘fetus vs baby’ bothers me. this is really subjective of course but for me personally, i think this should have been a deeper discussion. 

onto trauma. most of the trauma of this series is laid squarely on the women of this series. bella is scarred from james’s attack on her and edward leaving, rosalie was gangraped and had a normal life ripped away from her, esme tried to kill herself after the loss of her child, emily was attacked and scarred, and alice was driven out by her family and community into an asylum where she was forgotten received so much electroshock therapy that she developed amnesia. you could also argue that carlisle was traumatized by the act of becoming a vampire and jasper was in an incredibly abusive relationship as a newborn, but even these are glossed over. bella’s depression is only used as a narrative force for new moon, emily is used to antagonize us to sam, and esme and alice are completely forgotten in favor of reasonable or bubbly characters instead of complex characters with real nuance. rosalie is used for conflict and is the only one that feels legitimate and character driven, but even her behavior changes when renesmee is born because she gets the baby she always wanted. i wish that smeyer thought about the implications of all of the major women in the series being traumatized and their subsequent reactions or character development. 

lastly, we have probably the most controversial of my opinions. redemption is such a tricky way to use this because of how smeyer tried to use it, especially in jasper’s case. a confederate backstory was ROUGH to just randomly throw in. its pretty much explicitly stated that jasper deeply regrets that chapter of his life and being with alice and the coven made him better and gave him a new start.  its also stated that he went north, but that doesn’t forgive his racist past. while i tend to believe that he was truly a reformed being, the fact that this was a plot point (and a major one given that side characters were offered little character development) meant that smeyer had to fully rely on alice and the coven for his redemption. also, smeyer has a genuine problem with racist ideas and plot points in her books besides jasper so again, while i believe he’s different, her intentions with the character and his story despite his trauma with maria should be looked at critically. edward believes he’s damned not only for being a vampire but for murdering people, and never believes he’ll have any redemption. carlisle became a doctor out of a genuine care and love for people, but i also believe he did it as a way to redeem himself for his past, especially the human part. this is of course a little speculation because i don’t believe smeyer gave any elaboration for it. she really did everyone here so dirty. i think emmett is the only one who emerged unscathed from this. 

anyway massive rant over. i feel the need to say that a good chunk of this is my opinion and hey i could be wrong. i also feel the need to say that i do enjoy twilight a lot but it was poorly written at times for multiple reasons. so yes i am critical but also. its a stupid little vampire series you’re still allowed to like it. stan charlie. 

[mechacringekitty]

the!

betrayal, bound, desire, future, mask, hate for damselfly [although I don't know how developed they are], daggers, isabeth, and kidako

you don't have to do all the characters/questions, sorry there's so many sdljghdfl I just love your characters so much

SOME OF MY FAVOURITES.. you know just what I like to write about <3 i am always happy to answer enjoy your food

betrayal ; Damselfly - No, they haven't. She doesn't have anyone close enough to her for it to be a betrayal on either end- most of her relationships are built on a mutual need to survive for the short time they interact. Daggers - Feels rather betrayed by Stellar, on an emotional level. She thought they would be happily together for the rest of their lives - they both did - and the fact that Stellar refuses to work any of it out doesn't make her feel any better. Daggers would never intentionally return the favour though, she knows how bad it feels. Kidako - Neither, so far, though he needs some more fleshing out and this might change. Isabeth - Absolutely. She put her trust in Iveya and Lullabies, and Iveya tore that down the second an opportunity for power was within her grasp. Lullabies less so, as she understands they just follow Iveya's orders, but it still hurt. Isa has betrayed mortals! Pre-Markata, she wasn't a huge fan and enjoyed leading them on just for fun. bound ; Damselfly - Has been caught by other denizens of hell several times. Usually by way of walking directly into traps like the cocky ass he is. They generally take it as a fun excuse to raze the area and whoever happens to be in it. Daggers - Not yet, though that could change :) Some questionable fellows lurk in the IceWing palace. Kidako - He is also okay so far. Isabeth - Iveya had her in a holding cell for about a week before the ascension; it was supposed to be a few days but there were distractions. It didn't leave scars, per say, but she's not alive anymore, so... desire ; Damselfly - It wants to be loved, quite a lot. Appreciated in general...seen for a powerful weapon. Power in general is a huge fantasy for them, they love the thought of ruling. They won't directly admit it, but it's not something they'll deny either. Pretty far! They already barely have morals and burn through hell like it's nothing. Maybe if they try hard enough they can rule a layer. Daggers - She'd love for her family not to be so distant and broken apart. Even her daughter not speaking to her much on the rare nights she's home makes her a little sadder every time. She's tried speaking to Stellar about it, but Daggers is too tired to handle much conflict and Stellar always turns it into an argument. Kidako - He's a pretty happy guy! Would love for there not to be a war! Not going to do anything about it, though! Isabeth - She wants Markata back...the love of her life, her other half. Isa has never had anyone to admit it to, but it's evident in the way she talks about Markata when Lullabies can get her to. She'd do almost anything just to talk to her wife again. future ; Damselfly - Stuck in hell, already scant mental health slowly degrading, nothing but a mindless machine with a broken soul. They're very aware of the possibility, but don't do much to avoid it, since everything is a "I'll deal with it later" situtation. Daggers - Wasting her life with Stellar and/or being killed in the impending war or from some other cause. Which is, unfortunately, the most likely future. She's too tired and stressed to think much about the future, though. Kidako - Losing his family, probably ? That or dying a meaningless death which is...also kind of likely. Isabeth - I literally do not think her life can get any worse. 1/2, once again