#fucking. exhausted. considering i dont even have much a fear of death and have lost that basic survival instinct. what exactly? ought to

[magnoliamyrrh]

.

[mmmmalo]

This is a (meandering, non-exhaustive) overview of Homestuck’s use of

by which I do not mean examples of psychological realism in a character’s words and deeds, but rather the various means by which characters’ psyches are expressed outside of themselves. I wish to elaborate on how thoughts, feelings, and desires may find expression in the environment, in the medium of the story itself, and in the form of other characters.

That’s perhaps a little vague, so here’s a ready example of what I mean: brainghost!Dirk. He talks with Jake, but since he is a construct of Jake’s mind, Jake is essentially talking to himself. Brainghost!Dirk is an alienated medium for voicing Jake’s own thoughts, irretrievably distorted through its intermingling with what Jake thinks/wishes Dirk would say (not unlike a puppet). I am claiming that this mode of characterization is not a unique to Jake; the blurring of inner and outer voices is omnipresent throughout the story.

Or, rephrased: what I hope to show is that a great deal of Homestuck is haunted with brain-ghosts, of one kind or other.

An early example of this kind of storytelling in science fiction would be the film Forbidden Planet (1956). The film contains a pair of conflicts which eventually reveal themselves to be one: the scientist Morbius wants some space explorers to get off his planet, and an immense monster (pictured above) appears during the night to attack the explorers. Morbius, it turns out, has been experimenting with a machine capable of turning thought into reality. So when Morbius sleeps, his dream of driving off the trespassers materializes in the form of beast that forcefully enacts the wish.

The beast is declared a “monster from the id”, the “id” being a concept borrowed from Freudian psychology, indicating the part of the mind responsible for the unfiltered generation of impulses, of urges. In the film, this passing mention of psychoanalysis precedes the revelation of Morbius’s link to the beast.

Homestuck hints towards its own mixing of thought and reality with a device similar to Morbius’s dream machine: Sburb.

A snapshot of Dave’s Sburb client (1519) shows that the final subprograms launched during the games installation make reference to terminology associated with Carl Jung and Sigmund Freud. The terms suggest that Sburb interacts with the ideas in the kids’ subconscious minds (archetypes) and brings symbolic representations of these ideas into conscious reality (manifests the ideas). The game alters the means by which reality is constructed. As with Forbidden Planet, a major result of this is id monsters.

When John slips on a staircase, he flips out (left, 560). And when he nearly launches himself into the abyss with the Pogo Hammer, he has to take a nap before he has calmed down enough to continue (center, 637). Immediately following both moments of vertigo, massive ogres appear. The eventual fight with the ogres begins after John looks over the edge of the platform above his house, into the abyss (right, 662).

All of this suggests that Sburb is reacting to John’s emotional state (fear) to produce in-game content. The game functions as a waking dream.

It should also be noted that Sburb provokes the reactions it elicits. Karkat once mentioned a nagging feeling that the game was mocking him by giving him a planet covered in the candy red blood he had spent a lifetime attempting to hide (2301). Karkat’s paranoia seems to be correct here, and moreover applicable to the cast in general -- John’s house was likely placed atop an immense spire /in order to/ bring John’s dread of falling into sharp relief. The suspicion can be substantiated with a few related motifs.

The story provides two likely origins for John’s fear of heights: his own fall from the slime pogo as a child (2626) and the death of Nanna, which John believed resulted from her falling from a ladder and being crushed by a book (52). What’s more, Sburb’s invocation of the Fall of Man (Adam and Eve being cast from the Garden of Eden) via biting into an apple hints that there is an allegorical significance to John’s more literal fear of heights. 

We can apply these patterns to other characters in an attempt to learn more about them. LOLAR being covered in ocean suggests that Rose is afraid of water, with the likely cause of Rose finding Jaspers dead and washed up on a riverbank (presumed drowned). Dave speaks openly about how his sword fights with Bro left him anxious of metal sounds (7749), meaning the grinding gears of LOHAC were a personalized hell for Dave. Jade’s first imp manifests in response to the sight of a yellow aurora (2998), inviting the reader to investigate why that image invokes a fear response.

But we won’t get to into all of that, not for now at least. Let’s take a step back.

For my reading of the imps as manifestations I’ve been leaning heavily on a piece of film theory devoted to the effects of sequential images. The sequence above constitutes two observations. One, that by this arrangement the viewer will infer the old man sees and reacts to the middle figure. Two, that the viewer’s impression of the old man will change based on the content of the central image, even if his expression is the same. Is he smiling at Nepeta or warm embrace Marvus’s armpit? The answer may influence your interpretation of the little smile.

The neat thing about montage is that the interrupting frame need not bear any obvious relation to what precedes or follows in order to be subject to a causal reading. Moments that occur sequentially can be read as triggering one another, even if what follows any particular moment appears to be a break rather than a continuation.

Example: There’s a moment where Aranea walks into Jake’s dream, and brainghost!Dirk immediately starts razzing Jake about his attraction to the alien girl and threatening to give him a boner. The scene is interrupted by Jack committing a series of gratuitous murders. We then cut back to Jake, and bg!Dirk is now teasing him about his dirty thoughts.

DIRK: You have got to be kidding. Did you seriously just think something THAT dirty? DIRK: You must be doing this on purpose to spite me now. I mean, just wow dude. That was x-rated as fuck. 

JAKE: (No no stop. See youre talking about it and now i cant help it!) JAKE: (You are psyching me into having dirty thoughts get fucking lost you interloping brain douche!!!) 

DIRK: Don't worry, I'm gone. It's like a goddamn peep show in here and I feel like a sleazy piece of shit watching this from a dark corner of your mind. DIRK: You have a graphic imagination, English. I'm kind of impressed. 

JAKE: (Shut up theyre just thoughts its not even like im trying to have them THEY DONT MEAN ANYTHING!)

The ostensible joke is that bg!Dirk is exaggerating or outright fabricating his account of Jake’s thoughts in order to hassle him. But by way of montage, one can infer that we /have/ seen Jake’s dirty thoughts, in the form of Jack’s display of overwhelming bloodlust. Violence is superimposed over the sexually explicit. 

Whether the scene literally takes place in Jake’s mind is secondary (though such a reading would explain why Jake’s brain ghost is even aware of Jack) -- the use of montage allows Jack’s actions to function as a /metaphor/ for Jake’s thought.

Another example of Jack functioning as a murderous/libidinous avatar would be the death of Mom and Dad. At their little tea party, Dad spills some wine on Mom’s clothes and declares that she must disrobe immediately (so that Dad might launder the garment). Mom calls the aromas wafting from his pipe sensuous. The two clasp hands and declare that all they need is eachother. Then they die! The joke is that while Bec Noir is ostensibly an interruption to date night, he also functions as its culmination, with murder acting as substitute for the sex act.

The link between violence and sexuality is perhaps a hard sell, but I hope to convince you that the reading holds merit. Let me emphasize that the very act of Mom and Dad holding hands was itself sexually loaded.

I owe to HS liveblogger elfstuck the insight that John’s linear 3 card sylladex is a reflection of his short attention span. Consider how John’s role as a game character means he is thrown all around his room, back and forth, as the player figures out what to make of the situation. If you ignore the fourth wall, you’re left with an extremely distracted person, who attention flows easily from one object to another. Accepting the object-in, object-out nature of John’s sylladex and the resulting shenanigans as a metaphor for this, it would follow that the sylladex in general can offer an abstract representation of thought.

In passing, I can mention how the enormity of Jake’s sylladex (it cannot even fit on the page, and contains an object that exceed most players’ size limits) would imply that despite evidence to the contrary, the boy likely has a big brain (and perhaps its being offscreen suggests Jakes own unawareness of much of his own thought). Dirk’s comment about avoiding items that are difficult to shoehorn into his mnemonic schema (4535) could be read as a difficulty maintaining information that doesn’t fit into his personal mental models. The sylladex becomes a metaphor for the mind that requires interpretation.

Under this mode of thought, the moments when Jade’s pictionary modus fails to correctly interpret her drawing become akin to a mental slip-of-the-tongue. For the Tanglebuddies to be misread as enmeshed hands implies an association, in Jade’s mind, of horny Squiddles and clasped hands. John affirms the association much later by miming Tanglebuddies as he attempts to grapple with the question of whether Jade and Davesprite are sexually compatible (5294):

JOHN: how do things even work if you marry a sprite?

JADE: what do you mean 

JOHN: i mean... JOHN: ok, he has a ghost butt, for one thing. 

JADE: uh JADE: so 

JOHN: a GHOST BUTT, jade! 

JADE: SO WHAT IF HE HAS A GHOST BUTT!!!!! 

JOHN: i'm just saying... 

JADE: WHATEVER YOURE JUST SAYING, JUST STOP SAYING IT! JADE: and whatever youre trying to gesture with your hands there, stop doing that too!

It should also be noted that before launching into her “daring dream”, waxing poetic on the miraculous union of the human and the animal with her hands clasped in wonder, Jade successfully captchalogued the Tanglebuddies (796). And more to the point, Jade’s pose in reproduced during discussions of cherub (5961) and leprechaun (6007) reproduction. Hand-holding becomes representative of an (oft-sexualized) union, underlining the euphemistic nature of Mom and Dad’s post-contact demise.

The next example of using montage to communicate thought requires a little more buildup.

There’s a gag in Rose’s introduction where the reader tells Rose to play with her writing journals, and scoots the journals under the bed and retorts that she would only do that if no one were watching (220). At first glance, the moment scans as a minor meta joke in a story filled with meta jokes -- but the trick is that Rose does not /know/ herself to be a video game character, her every movement controlled and observed. Rather, she /believes/ this to be true -- the joke about being watched establishes that Rose is paranoid, as will become apparent in the hostility she assigns to Mom’s every action.

The command prompt and narration are themselves brain ghosts of a sort: the voice deployed in them is always linked to the present point-of-view character. The insults that precede character introductions ( “Zoosmell Pooplord”, etc) become marks of anxiety, an intrusive proclamation of what the kids at times think of themselves (and/or what they think others think of them). “Nice time management skills, sweetheart!” becomes a bit of self-deprecation Rose as she procrastinates, which Rose experiences as having been voiced by some objective observer who judges her deficiencies.

A blurred line divides characters from the voice at the back of their head, belonging to the (presumed) omniscient, omnipotent author-god. This is why avatar!Hussie is dressed as Calliope when he is killed by Lord English. Both Calliope and Hussie are a voice in Caliborn’s head, and thus both present apparent obstacles to an unmediated self.

The left panel (3219) foreshadows the right (3358). Gamzee is not being declared the objectively most important character in Homestuck. Rather, Gamzee is declaring himself /to have been declared/ the most important character in the story. The line establishes that Gamzee believes himself to be in a story (with an author!) and that this author has declared him paramount. Furthermore, “fondly regarding creation” is an modus operandi of Problem Sleuth’s Godhead Pickle Inspector. Applying that turn of phrase to Gamzee’s actions further establishes that Gamzee believes himself to /be/ the god-author declaring his own importance. So it should come as no surprise that 137 pages later, Gamzee outright proclaims himself to be the god(s) he worships.

Going back to montage, it becomes interesting that this snapshot of Gamzee’s megalomania is inter-cut with the creation of Jadesprite -- the moment that dead!dream!Jade merges with Bec, forming a unity with a deity not unlike the unity Gamzee claims with his mirthful messiahs. The interweaving would suggest that Jade and/or Jadesprite experienced analogous thoughts of megalomania upon the moment of ascension.

This would be a good point to mention that not only imps and ogres, but trolls also function as manifestations for the people they impose upon. Karkat is not only an interruption here, but also a continuation. He points out that Jade’s self-loathing, that she cannot safely distance herself from the qualities of Jadesprite she finds distasteful. This is precisely why Karkat ends the conversation by telling Jade to turn off the fourth wall (which divides the self!), as well as the reason he imagines Jade making out with herself: Karkat is on every front presenting the prospect of union with oneself.

The notion of trolls as manifestations first emerges clearly when Rose and Dave receive their packages from John. As they finish reading John’s letter, each is suddenly contacted by a troll and greeted with the command “Answer.” Critically, by word alone it is ambiguous as to whether the command refers to answering the troll or the letter. And as it turns out, these answer occur simultaneously: Rose and Dave’s responses to the letters are embedded in the subsequent conversations. 

Rose receives a letter poking fun at her pretensions, claiming that her attempts to hide her affections for people are futile. In response we get Kanaya, who imperiously proclaims her disdain for Rose, only to suddenly change tact and explicitly seek Rose’s friendship, an entreaty which the oft paranoid Rose accepts. Dave receives a letter imploring him to let go of his insecurities and express himself. In response we get Tavros, the very picture of insecurity, who is fixated on the idea of making Dave shit himself (as part of an ‘emotional constipation’ motif that follows Dave). And Dave complies, in a sense, by way of the quasi-ironic gay treatise that compels Tavros to block him. Each conversation addresses the issues laid out in John’s letter.

Examples can be found throughout the comic. Equius remarking that he talks to Gamzee every day (2220) establishes that Gamzee is regularly haunted by the thoughts of domination that Equius voices -- both in the literal and metaphorical sense. Erisolsprite referring to Dirk as a rock 2oliid piiece of a22 and then calling himself 2ociiopathiic for even thinking something so callous (5516) expresses a conflict already present in Jake’s own mind, echoing the frustration with his own dirty thoughts expressed by the argument with brainghost!Dirk. Feferi’s pronounced enthusiasm for the imminent apocalypse should cause you to question Kanaya’s seemingly neutral resignation towards the end of the world, since Feferi manifests for Kanaya (2328). And so on.

The person being trolled is always being confronted with thoughts or feelings or memories already present within themself. Alien contact always doubles as a brain ghost haunting.

Another example, with some buildup: Karkat invokes the phrase “PERFORATE MY BONE BULGE WITH A CULLING FORK” to express his contempt for Vriska, and on subsequent pages we see Feferi pointing her culling fork at a cuttlefish (2181), as if to suggest that the creature symbolizes the bone bulge. Fast forward to Kanaya, who has just gotten through a conversation with Vriska and finds herself haunted by Eridan, who keeps going on about his romantic desperations and insisting (correctly) that Kanaya’s crush on Vriska is itself romantic. That his notification erupts from an image of cuttlefish held at Kanaya’s waist adds to the air of yearning, as though her own bulge is rumbling. The scene is capped off with a double entendre: “its hard and nobody understands” is playfully poignant jab at an inability to understand one’s own desires (among other things). 

And Homestuck devotes a lot of attention to desire.

It’s long been acknowledged by the fandom at large that Kanaya’s attraction to Light players functions as a joke on the proverbial moth-to-the-flame. As reconciliation with the fire destroys the moth, there’s a morbid tinge to the attraction, as though it doubles as a death wish. And the wish is granted -- when Kanaya dies in Homestuck, she dies to light, either from Eridan’s wand or the laser blasts unleashed by HIC. Even the death of Kanaya’s lusus pertains to light -- the matriorb ripped from her innards is shaped like a miniature sun, as if to establish some loose link between the notion of motherhood and the incandescence Kanaya eventually achieves.

This can be generalized into a principle wherein lusii (and the circumstances of their deaths!) can functions as analogies for the desire of the wards.

Vriska, for example, desires execution. When offering Terezi a flimsy apology for crippling Tavros and proxy-murdering Aradia, Vriska offers to slam her head against her desk in penitence. This moment should be read against Vriska’s addiction to breaking 8 balls, and leaving the broken shards lying around as though she’s inviting the “bad luck” of stepping on them. It /is/ an invitation. Vriska seeks love via violent retribution against herself. This is why in the right panel, Vriska’s blood-spattered head is juxtaposed with a broken 8 ball: the blood came from Spidermom’s execution (which characterizes Vriska’s desire), and motif of 8R8K H34DS connects the moment to Vriska’s idea of apology.

Like Kanaya, Vriska (to a degree) seems to structure her love life along these lines. In the words of @azdoine:

like ppl are actually out here writing Vriska as the top as if her entire Act 5 character arc isn’t about bratting out until Terezi has no choice but to punish her

“oh noo, I, the thief of light, stole all of your luck, and made the coin land on the scratched side! now you have to kill me! but I’m probably going to get away with everything, because you don’t have the guts to stab me with that sword of yours!!!!!!!! if only there was somebody, like you, who could prove me wrong!”

EXTREMELY SUBTLE THERE, VRISKA

Vriska’s approach to wooing Tavros also revolves around baiting execution:

The scene: Tavros leads a horde of imps and ogres into a mystery cave, the top of which is adorned with kissing lizards and an alchemical symbol. Tavros is putting a puzzle of a frog together, but Vriska has already pieced together the puzzle: making a frog universe is, in part, a cipher for personal reproduction. The Ultimate Alchemy is making a baby! And as Vriska says, “real gamers cut to the chase. They power through all the nonsense and go for the gold.” So she brings Tavros to LOMAT and makes the moves on him.

Tavros is equated to a treasure chest by the repeated use of framing and Vriska is GOING FOR THE GOLD, like a WINNER. Tavros later reaches into the same chest for his lance before heading off to attempt to kill Vriska -- affirming that the treasure Vriska seeks here is Tavros’s “lance”.

This setup was suggested by the conversation accompanying the kissing salamanders: Vriska gives Tavros a map with a big red X, saying he should take his legion of imps through the gate and go defeat his denizen. The gate actually leads to Vriska, but she isn’t lying. She is positioning herself to be Tavros’s final boss. The imps are manifestations of Tavros’s pent up rage (much of which was generated by Vriska’s harassment), and Vriska wants Tavros to take that anger out on her. Hence the later panel which uses Vriska’s boots to place a big red X directly over her groin, making explicit the implicit goal of Tavros’s trip to the windmill X-gate.

This pursuit of love through violent comeuppance may have something to do with Vriska’s bitter disappointment that ghost!Aradia did not seem to hate her.

An intermission/introduction of sorts, as we bridge from one discussion of desire to another: did you know that Michael Bay’s Armageddon (1998) structures itself in part around Freud’s Oedipus complex? I say this in total sincerity.

The plot: a meteor the size of Texas bears down upon the Earth, threatening armageddon. Luckily, a crew of rough-and-tumble oil drillers are ready to fly into space and split that mother in two. Oh HELL yeah.

Except, wait, the movie’s actually about family drama: Bruce Willis finds Ben Affleck sleeping with his daughter Liv Tyler; Willis proceeds to chase Affleck around the oil rig with a shotgun, bang bang bang. Not Allowed. The Protective-Father-Hates-Your-Boyfriend dynamic is presented as an Oedipal triad of sorts: although Tyler is not literally Affleck’s mother, she performs the mom-function of “forbidden object of desire” -- and Willis opening fire is equivalent to the castration said to await trespassers onto maternal soil.

The above reading is buttressed by jokes: Armageddon appears to function within an implicit dream machine, such that the characters’ thoughts and fears can become manifest in their environment. So when it comes to pass that whenever  Affleck climbs into a hole (heehee), a pipe breaks (hoohoo), and suddenly everything goes boom, I read that as Affleck reliving the consequences of boning Tyler, packaged in such a way that the Freudian fear of castration is more explicit. (The relevance of Oedipus to the proceedings adds some humor to Steve Buscemi declaring the entire disastrous situation a “Greek tragedy”)

At any rate, after some shenanigans, Willis comes to accept Affleck’s claim to his daughter and confers the deed, as it were. Willis gives the young couple his blessing and they get married. Hooray!

Except, wait, the movie’s actually about the perpetuation of the oil industry: the dream machine was declared at the beginning of the movie when a petty street-side argument triggered the first barrage of meteors. The meteor the size of Texas (aka Dotty) is triggered by conflicts that haunt the central cast -- namely Willis, who enters the film hitting golf balls at a Green Peace boat. On a metaphorical level, Dotty is a golf ball the size of Texas, striking directly at the Earth instead its self-declared representatives. There’s a certain irony here: the film lampshades that the men who are destroying the world have been tasked with saving it.

The family drama folds into the environmentalist angle: Liv Tyler is a symbol of the earth (which gets drilled). This is the joke when Affleck is bouncing animal crackers around on her belly like she’s host to the Savannah: she kind of is! It’s no coincidence that Willis confers ownership of the oil rig at the same moment that he offers his daughter’s hand in marriage: the motifs are being discussed simultaneously.

But enough of all of that: back to Homestuck.

Armageddon’s simultaneous casting of Liv Tyler into the roles of earth and mother offers a glimpse at the interpretive possibilities made available by Hussie’s statement that Homestuck is in a way a synonym for Earthbound (an RPG in which “homesickness” is a status ailment which can be cured by calling your mom). Stuckness or boundness can be deployed to communicate a sense of longing for “home”.

A good chunk of Homestuck is built upon feelings of nostalgia, taken to mean a sort of intense separation anxiety with the past. John speaks about this when he watches Con Air with Jade – John wants the movie to feel like it did when he watched it with his Dad long ago, but the feeling from when he was a kid is gone. This upsets him. Moreover, John’s freakout starts at the moment Cyrus puts a gun to the bunny’s head (5286): Con Air itself is partly about Nic Cage trying to return to the life he lost when he went to jail, and ‘putting the bunny back in the box’ is a metaphor for the attempt. Cyrus, in threatening the bunny, is highlighting his role as a force preventing things from going back to how they were. Thus, if we are to believe that John is responding to the movie thematically, Cyrus confronts John with his own inability to go back to a happier past – his inability to go home -- and this recognition is met with anger.

In making the leap to the psychoanalytic motifs, it helps to recall the part where baby!Dirk responds to being born by cracking open his ectotube and crawling back inside. Dirk, who aspires towards his “ultimate self”, illustrates here that he envisions his ascension as a return to the ‘essence’ of Dirk from which he (and all other iterations of himself) arose, as represented by the ectoslime. Baby!Dirk gestures at unity with his ectoslime/essence by crawling back into the place from which he was born, which I’m basically claiming is a “return to the womb” on a symbolic level, or at least that this is a useful parallel to draw. (A related motif to think about: Dirk decapitates himself by sticking his head inside a box, which as per Con Air symbolizes the place you wish to return to)

[Hella Jeff sez: “i took (my pants) off because i was banging your mom for a minute there..... AND NOW YOU ARE BANGING HER”]

Castration becomes unavoidable as you try to relate all of this to Dave, whose occasional references to banging hot moms are part of an ongoing reference to the Oedipus Complex. Critically, the complex is not /just/ about wanting to bone your mom, but also fear that your dad will chop your junk off if you do. The breaking of Dave’s sword on the rooftop is a realization of this fear (yes, we’re doing the “swords are phallic” thing). But Dave has no mom that he knows of, so what gives? 

The answer is in the way Bro inexplicably breaks the record emblem on Dave’s t-shirt, as though he has introduced a fissure into Dave’s very identity. Life with Bro has made it very difficult for Dave to be honest with himself, which is to say, Dave pictures Bro’s abuse as having divided him from an ideal “true self”, which can feel emotions without all the anxious ironic detachment. I mentioned before that seeking unity with that from which you came is a “return to the womb”. This is the sense in which the Oedipal mom attraction becomes relevant: the return to the past is sexualized. The ‘home’ Dave wishes to return to is /himself/, and in this sense Dave is his own hot mom (which is related to how often Dave compliments his own looks, as well as the above gif suggesting Dave’s boner – he is literally/metaphorically “attracted” to himself).

(Incidentally: this model of desire, in which a broken subject attempt to become whole again by seeking out its lost half, is basically the concept of the soulmate, as laid out by Plato. Cherub reproduction turns the metaphysical pursuit of one’s lost half into a plot-level objective)

John’s entry item (apple) was linked to fear embodied in a childhood trauma (the Fall), and the same can be said of Dave. Hatching from the shell that contained your primordial goop (Dirk) is analogous to being violently separated from yourself (Dave), which is why Dave’s entry item (an egg) hatching coincided with Bro slicing the meteor in half: the abuse that divided Dave from himself, his “castration” by Bro, is simultaneously the “birth” that separated Dave from his “mother” (which is also Dave).

The general idea is that birth = self-alienation = castration, insofar as all are depicted as modes of being separated from oneself.

The broad motif of ‘being separated from oneself’ can be very useful for identifying brain ghosts in unexpected places. Take for example, Roxy’s fenestrated planes: when they are introduced the narrative is quick to tell us that if someone were caught half in/out of one of the windows when the power cuts out, they would be sliced in half. By the rule of Chekhov’s gun, this introduction should mean we should eventually see someone get gorily bisected by the window, but alas we never do. 

Instead, when Gcat warped the panel away, trapping Roxy between the windows, we were shown the image of a bisected horse puppet in Dirk’s apartment, This signals that Chekhov’s gun has indeed gone off. But rather than splitting a body, it split a soul: Meenah’s introduction follows the sequence because Roxy has generated a shadow of herself, a doppelganger. This is not without precedent: an earlier portion of this post was devoted to exploring the fourth wall as a mode of self-alienation. Roxy��s panel mishap can be considered part of that pattern.

If Meenah functions as an extension of Roxy, all of her actions can be read as bearing some relations to Roxy’s own latent thoughts and desires. Prior to the epilogues, for example, Meenah imploring John not to give her the ring seemed to be yet another Fuck You to the late Chekov: the issue never comes up again. But a psychic link between Meenah and Roxy would suggest that John broke his promise to Meenah by giving the ring to Roxy, and that whatever motivations compelled Meenah to make her request in the first place would also apply to Roxy.

Decapitation is yet another mode of self-alienation, and thus can be construed as a mode of birth. Hence the image of Lil Sebastian hatching from his shell of taxidermied man meat. That’s a motif unto itself, but what I wish to call attention to is the match-cut from John’s broke body to Jake’s broken tower. The juxtaposition collapses the images into metaphor, such that Jake’s loose dome in the woods becomes a decapitated head -- an appropriate addition to the pumpkin patch it rests in, given all the Headless Horseman jokes. We can look to Dirk for for another example of a headless horse-man of the house echoing the head: for a guy who idealizes decapitation to such a degree, it is striking that Sburb aims to provoke him by reattaching his beheaded apartment to its underlying units.

Houses act as metaphors for heads, then “Homestuck” could also interpreted as “head trapped” -- like the title emphasizes confinement within one’s own mind. Such a reading offers up Failure to Launch and Arrested Development (posters on John and Jane’s walls) as alternate synonyms for Homestuck, as each satirizes (or outright mocks) potential failure states in the process of inter-personal and mental development (ie “growing up”). Like Earthbound, both lean on a sense of homesickness in characterizing despondency, as though characters are haunted by the needs that defined their childhood -- or else find themselves needing that childhood itself.

But collapsing nostalgia into infantile regression is far from the only way to approach the house/heads equation. One might read the transformation and growth of houses with Sburb as metaphors for expanding the mind. One might infer that the choreography of events within houses can map out thoughts like dancing bees. One might take the metaphor as a foothold for interpreting the significance of the Sburb logo being at once a house and a window. \I have my own thoughts about Homestuck’s brain-ghost haunted house-minds, but for now, I only hope that this document has raised some interesting questions -- and ideally, that the interpretive approaches I’ve described might be useful in seeking answers.

[elliot-orion]

Can you answer 1, 5, and 44 for all those characters you mentioned?

heck yea! thanks! this is going to get very long tho so brace yourselves lol. I’m going to do them grouped by characters.

Ben

1. What is one word to shut them up?

I’m going to assume this means like a word that gets them to stop talking for a not so great reason and not just “quiet!” but i might be wrong and just be in the mood for some angst. For Ben, it’s kind of moot because they don’t talk, but saying anything at all with an angry tone would definitely get them to freeze up.

5. List 3 fears; one surface-level fear, one repressed fear, and one deep dark fear.

Oh my god you have no idea how perfect this question is because fear is a Huge aspect of this story considering Ben is Nightmare and their powers completely revolve around fear. Ok so, surface fear is sleeping, which has a very not surface level reason, but i’d still count it. They will do fucking anything to not sleep (tho funny enough they don’t drink caffeine, it sends their powers all wack). A repressed fear... hmm im not sure if this means like a fear they don’t acknowledge or fear that they have but don't know the reason for. I’m going to go with it just being a slightly less bad but still big fear, and/or something they don’t know the reason for but still are afraid of if i can think of something. So for repressed fear, it’d be showing their wrists. They don’t know why it’s so anxiety provoking for them, they never cut and their only bad scars are on their neck not their wrists, but if they aren’t wearing long sleeves or dont have bracelets covering their wrists then they get antsy and anxious. For Deep Dark Fear, i could list just about any of the fears Carter left them with, sure, but the Carter shit really falls under the “trauma” category rather than simple “fear” category since the reason they are afraid of shit like making noise and people being mad is because of their trauma. So i’m going to go with their powers. Their powers scare the shit out of them, partially bc they literally see and hear everyone’s worst nightmares whenever they are near someone. they are constantly surrounded by fear and always have been. that’s fucking awful honestly. but also bc when THEY get scared, other people suffer since they are an empathetic type. and they dont want to hurt anyone. So... yea.

44. What’s one thing they wish they could do more often, but can’t?

We’re back to the sleep thing here. god this kid needs a five day nap, they are always exhausted. But dreams are Carter’s domain, and if they sleep, he can find them, hurt them, whatever he wants. So they can’t, not until Carter is gone.

Oliver

1. What is one word to shut them up? 

Ollie has a few words/phrases that almost always will send them into the past at some point. “Duck!” or “Grenade!” or anything that might be shouted on a battlefield, certain quotes from historical figures, some names or dates, stuff like that. He goes nonverbal when he’s particularly lost, so that’s a surefire way to get him to shut up.

5. List 3 fears; one surface-level fear, one repressed fear, and one deep dark fear. 

Ok so, surface-level is ovens. He will not use an oven, or any microwaves, or any kitchen appliances that could start a fire. He also refuses to take a bath and prefers someone being in the other room when he takes showers. This is 100% because he gets lost in time so easily that he’ll forget what’s going on in the present time. I cannot stress to you how many times this kid has almost set his house on fire bc he got lost in 1620 and forgot he had the oven on. Baths usually make him head back to a time with lots of water, be it in the middle of a fucking ocean or during a flood or whatever, and he hates that bc usually, he doesn’t show up in a nice safe place and he’ll feel exactly like he’s drowning even if he isn’t physically drowning. Showers he slips a lot in for similar reasons, hence why he prefers someone who’s listening nearby. For repressed fear, he’s afraid of dying, even if he acts fine with it. No one acknowledges it besides the other Elementals, but Oliver is the Time Elemental. Time isn’t a recognized Element, but the Elementals just Know. Even though he’s just 18, he’s only got a few years left, and he’s just got to put on a brave face bc there’s not much he can do about it. For Deep Dark Fear, he’s terrified of losing the remaining time he’s got left. Even though he’s only 18, because of PlotTM, he’s only got a couple of years before he burns up, and he’s terrified to lose it.

44. What’s one thing they wish they could do more often, but can’t? 

Watch documentaries. Funnily enough, Ollie is a massive history nerd, always has been, and he used to watch a ton of documentaries before he got his powers. But even nature or space ones will inevitably make him forget when he is, and so he can’t watch any. He also can’t read any historical fiction books (which sucked when he was younger, his favorite book series had been the Magic Treehouse) for a similar reason. He can read history textbooks, though, since they just list facts and dont show footage or make it seem like it IS that time. 

Morty

1. What is one word to shut them up?

hmm. tricky... Let’s go with Hotspot. If you’ve read sparks fly, you get why.

5. List 3 fears; one surface-level fear, one repressed fear, and one deep dark fear. 

Surface level is probably dogs. He’s been attacked by multiple dogs, multiple times since most animals don't vibe with his whole dark aura of death thing. But getting attacked by dogs is the one that stuck most. He gets nervous around Ollie’s service dog, Edison, but Edison is so well trained he just doesn’t care and being near him actually helps Morty with that fear. Repressed fear is definitely death. Which yea, i know, that’s weird considering he’s the death elemental but hear me out. 1 unlike sparky who gets overwhelmed by too much electricity, Morty gets basically drunk when he’s around too much death. Hospitals, battlefields, large graveyards, etc, and the thing is, he loves that feeling. and it scares him how much he loves it, partially bc he knows what the last death elemental was like and doesn't want to be like them (for reference, the guy went on a mass murder spree and started a couple of civil wars since the death elemental will live until the high rates of death stop, even if it’s past when Elementals normally die and you know they didn’t want to die). 2 Morty’s very existence is a sign that mass death is coming but there are no wars going on and that scares the shit out of him. 3 One Eye literally planted the fear of his powers, killing, and death in his mind to try and limit the damage he could cause and to prevent another situation like the last death elemental. For Deep Dark Fear, Morty is terrified that he can’t trust his own memories or even what he knows about himself. One Eye manipulated his memories and mind so so much and for so long. Morty’s always doubting what he knows and what he believes bc its not like One Eye HASNT planted shit, and he’s always on edge bc he doesnt even feel safe in his own damn mind.

44. What’s one thing they wish they could do more often, but can’t?

As of the start of the story? Be with Ben. For most of the time the two have known each other, they were online friends, until they both ran away together when they were 17. But about 4 months ago Morty left to go back to the SA headquarters, even though it’s literally part of his biggest fear to go back, because Ben was facing a double threat of either Carter getting them, or the SA, and Morty is determined to get the SA to leave them alone (ok technically the Supers Association and Heroes do leave them alone bc One Eye is scared shitless of Ben, but they send assassins like Scout and Hall after them all the fuckin time, and not all of them have sorta morals like the triad). In general tho, hear Ben’s voice. He just wants Ben to feel safe. (Morty is a fucking romantic no matter how tough he likes to act i swear)

I’ve got to do my interview now and this post is long enough as is, so I’ll do the same questions for Matty and Blue afterwards!! thanks!!

[wilhelmjfink]

“was” pt. 11

previously: And while she watched the van pull away, she continued to call for him repeatedly, as if that would change anything, feeling helpless and broken and alone and… and just numb.

Y/N was devastated, to say the least. 

Rick stood patiently outside the door of what should’ve been her and Daryl’s Alexandrian home, but currently only housed her as she locked herself away from the rest of the world. 

“I know you’re in there,” Rick hollered against the barrier between them, knowing that she was somewhere inside of the small townhouse curled up, keeping to herself and refusing to leave the safety of the walls her and Daryl once shared. 

She didn’t respond. “I’m comin’ in!” He announced, his hand already turning the brass knob in his hand until it clicked before he cautiously pushed he door open. It squeaked and he flinched, the sound the loudest thing he’d ever heard compared to the dark, heavy silence inside of the him. 

Just as he’d suspected, Y/N sat on the loveseat with her back facing him, trying to ignore his presence. He knew she wanted to be alone — her and Daryl were similar like that. But he also knew that Daryl had a tendency to be extremely self-destructive and he’d already watched her crash and burn after he’d been taken by Negan’s men the first time. And where they were headed with the army of Saviors against them, they couldn’t afford for her to wallow in the dark, feeling sorry for herself. 

At the same time, however, Rick’s heart shattered at the sight of her curled up and hugging herself on the couch: heavy bags under her eyes from the exhaustion of not having slept for the last 48 hours, her skin already porcelain from being ill and unwell and fragile, so thin and delicate that he was hesitant to sit next to her for fear of breaking her entirely. 

“Y/N,” he tried to clarify his presence one again as to avoid scaring here out of her trance it seemed she was in, but she looked right over to him. Her normally radiant eyes were dull and bloodshot, puffy and red from her constant crying. One foot in front of the other he carefully made his way toward her. “Hey. It’s me. Let’s talk...”

“What’s there to talk about?” She croaked, her voice jagged like she’d swallowed shards of glass, completely void of the vibrance and attitude of girl he’d known for so long. “I can’t even imagine what they’re doing to him. And it’s all my fault.”

“It’s not your fault.”

“It is!” She was suddenly on her feet, staring him as her balance wavered like she was drunk or dizzy. She pointed a finger harshly in his face. “Dont you try and tell me it’s not. He should’ve taken me!”

When she turned away from him to hide her face, becoming too overwhelmed with emotions, that was when he noticed the small but evident blood stain on her white long sleeved shirt, right over where she’d been shot. 

“Y/N, you’re bleeding — “

“He said he wanted me, Rick. So why didn’t he take me?” As she collapsed back down onto the sofa he planted himself next to her, carefully guiding her backwards so that she didn’t collapse on the floor in the fit of sobs that took over her. “Why couldn’t he have taken me instead? Why —“

Rick interjected, unhappy with the guilt that was wrongfully drowning her. “Don’t say that — you don’t want that.”

“No, what I don’t want is Daryl to be suffering because of me,” she spat harshly at him, wiping her eyes on the back of her sleeve. She opened her mouth to speak, but Rick beat her to it. 

“Do you know how devastated he was when he heard you’d been shot?” He asked, his tone firm and unwavering. Y/N looked up at him curiously, waiting for him to continue with wherever he was going. “He... he wasn’t Daryl. He was just a shell. He didn’t know how to function without you — he was so sure you wouldn’t wake up. By the third day, he’d already lost hope.”

Y/N’s demeanor fell even lower and Rick quickly corrected himself. “Not in you, but in... everything around him. Life wasn’t worth living to him, not without you. Do you know why he left, Y/N?” Rick was heated, though not angry and as Y/N shook her head no he suddenly paused, halting himself before he stumbled too far into a conversation it wasn’t his right to initiate. “Because everything reminded him of you. And the second that he heard you were awake — the second that he knew Negan was in the infirmary with you... it was like a whole new Daryl, Y/N. I’ll bet nothin’ in the world could’ve stopped him after he heard that.”

Y/N had begun crying harder, impatiently waiting for Rick to make his point by tearing her soul in two, her love for him only growing at his words. They would be reassuring, she thought, if she was worried about whether or not Daryl loved her. But despite his introverted and closed-off nature and his harsh mannerisms, she was sure he loved her, regardless of how hard it was for him to show it; she’d always taken that into consideration and it only confirmed that he really did think the world of her. 

But that wasn’t the problem. No — the problem was that he was being held prisoner in the place that already managed to break him once. So despite how hard he fought to keep his composure and maintain a stoic appearance every single day, she was the only one that knew of the nightmares that plagued his dreams every single night; of Glenn, of Negan, of Dwight, of the Saviors in their entirety. Usually, she’d lean closer, hold him tighter, whisper soothingly to him if dramatically steadying her own breathing to urge him along didn’t help. But now, she wasn’t there to hold him and protect him from those demons. They had manifested right in front of her and before they could do anything they were surrounded by them. And they laid into him, punching and kicking and laughing at him before ripping him away from her and dragging him back down to the dark recesses of his mind where she’d spent so much time trying to drag him out of. 

“He would’ve ran right back into Negan’s arms if it meant makin’ sure you were safe — he still would.”

It was then that it clicked with Y/N; the point Rick was trying to make was that Daryl was tough and would endure anything for her. He would’ve walked to hell and back twice, three or four or nine or ten times for her, as she would for him. But it brought her little comfort. Everybody had a breaking point, and Negan was well aware of where Daryl’s was and she knew he ended to exploit it the way only he could. 

“Just... promise me you won’t do anything stupid, alright? We need ya here.”

Y/N appreciated Rick’s effort — she really did. But she couldn’t help but break down again at the mere thought of him, burying her face in her hands as she cried for him, the tears never seeming to stop. 

It seemed like the last four weeks of freedom had been nothing but a fever dream. 

Daryl was right back where he started, dirty sweats, moldy bread and all, laying on the floor of the same exact cell from the last time he was prisoner at the Sanctuary. Easy Street still blared — they hadn’t change their tactics one bit. Though this time, instead of the reoccurring nightmares that showed Glenn getting beat to death due to his fault — something he’d only been able to reconcile and come to terms with because of her — it was her screams as he was dragged away, her cries as Saviors yanked her backwards and she desperately flailed and tried to free herself from their grip to reach her. And every time he’d turn toward her, wanting so badly to return to her and hold her and promise he was alright, the Saviors turned to grotesque, rotted corpses and he had to watch them eat her alive as she pleaded for him to come save her.

 But he never could; not in dreams nor in reality.

He was easily able to tune the song out at that point. Though he would’ve preferred it over the sounds of her cries that echoed in his head, rattling his brain like a drill and leaving him to fight off his own tears as he felt helpless and worthless and alone. If he couldn’t save her, what good was he?

He’d been through this before — just recently, even. When he’d left the first time in a fit of rage, unable to stop the emotions from flowing upon finding out news he never, ever once in his entire life had even considered having to hear. He was supposed to tell her. He didn’t know how to do it at first. He stressed about it the second that he heard she’d woken up. And when that stress was quickly replaced with the sweetest relief he’d ever experienced in his lifetime, he’d forgotten all about it. Now, even though the initial reminder of breaking the news to her had been so bitter and undesirable, he would still choose having to do that over wallowing in the feeling of loss he was experiencing now. Knowing she was out there waiting for him, and that he would never come. 

He succumbed easily upon his arrival back here, still disheveled from the fight and obvious concussion he sustained, but unlike the last time he had absolutely no fight left in him. He’d just got his girl back — fuck, he’d just gotten her back! He hadn’t even been able to speak a single word to her, let alone hold her in his arms or kiss her lips or see her smile, her entire face lighting up when he walked in like it always did — something he would never fucking understand. 

Y/N had spent the night racking her brain for any memories she had that withheld valuable information about Negan or the Sanctuary, everything turning up flat. She had no leads; not even an idea on how to get there. But she still hovered over the county map, a red ‘x’ signifying the Saviors headquarters that lay far back in the woods 30 miles away from her. That was a hell of a walk, but she didn’t think twice about it. That kind of thing really didn’t matter anymore.

Daryl had her pack a bag that she’d always kept in the closet that was ready to scoop up and head out, should they ever needed to. He never trusted Alexandria and even after she begged him to just try and settle, he couldn’t say no to her big puppy dog eyes, but still found it hard to ever feel even remotely comfortable. But she’d humored him and packed the bag, knowing deep down it was a practical idea, and she was happy she did. It held a canteen full of water, protein bars and canned goods, an extra set of clothing, a box of ammunition and the suppressor for her Ruger, generic first aid, and other odds and ends they’d learn to appreciate when out on the road with no shelter or steady source of sustenance.

There was a knock at her door and she quickly kicked the backpack with her heel, sliding it under the bed frame she sat on and crumpled up the map that lay sprawled on her lap. She didn’t have to answer — nobody expected her to and they always waltzed the fuck in anyway. She was sick of the pitiful looks she’d gotten lately — yeah, she was devastated, beside herself and even still healing from being shot twice and unconscious for a week to follow, but the broken people often made the most dangerous ones, and she had every intention of going out with a bang. 

The door pushed open and she was surprised to see Carl peek in, almost hesitantly. 

“Hey,” she greeted him quietly as he made his way into the room, closing the door behind him. She would never get over how much he’d grown up over the years. 

“Hey,” he replied. It was obvious something was on his mind and before Y/N could ask, he spoke back up. “Alright. You’re not thinking about going after Daryl, are you?”

She could never lie to Carl. So she hung her head down silently, avoiding his gaze. “Not as long as your dad keeps a tight leash on me.”

Carl nodded — it was true that Rick was making an effort to keep tabs on Y/N, checking up on her frequently even though she never left the house. She’d even seen him talking to those on watch duty and only suspected it was about her when they both had turned and spotted her watching from her front porch, immediately silencing before splitting up.

“I can help you.”

Her head snapped up. “What?”

“I’ve been to the Sanctuary. I can help you get inside. I can tell you where they’re keeping Daryl.”

Though obviously weighing heavily on her mind just the mention of his name aloud tugged on her heartstrings, springing tears of anger and frustration and fear in her eyes. Carl was serious; he stood strong, cold. After a moment of consideration, her unfolded the map you’d hastily shoved to your side and flattened it back out onto the bed.

2 more parts..... what’s gonna happen :/ no one knows!

@crossbowking @jodiereedus22 @apossiblegentleman @mtngirlforever @sourwolf-sterek32 @winchester-angel @qrangr @cole-winchester @the-bottom-of-the-abyss @twdeadfanfic @crazyaboutnorman @deliciousassafrasssandwich @bunnymother93 @96ssi @fireeyes-on-teller-dixon-grimes  @mrbarneswhitewolfsir @thatsoragan @lonewolf471

[kaminosoath]

STATIK: =With Sirius GONE without so much as a warning notice (and along with her their mother and Ananya), Statik was a bit...agitated at about half her family. She understood the need, of course, but it didn't make it any less frustrating that they LEFT WITHOUT HER???=

STATIK: =Going on five minutes now, she had been pacing about the tech lab, feeling a little antsy and restless. She had to get out, and so she left, making a beeline straight for one block, even though she wasn't entirely aware she was headed there.=

STATIK: =When she crossed their door, she wet her lower lip, a little daunted. She'd been a bit...well...her usual ass of a self lately and didn't want to crowd them so soon after she'd made a scene... But in her opinion there had been sufficent time between then and now and she felt like she had given appropriate space? Even so, she missed them, and they were going to know it. There's a familiar knockin on Simula's door, always in some kind of musical rhythm to spice things up.=

SIMULA: -ah yes, the tell tale signs of statik's arrival. they'd been curled up on their bed for a while, drifting in and out of a nap. having company brought about some conflicting feelings, moreso than usual. caught between that need for attention and the ever growing fear that something is going to go awry. ultimately, they give in to the former desire, and opens the door from where they're lying. they only move to sit up, glancing over at her.-

SIMULA: Hell-o. Come in. Not that you need an invitation.

STATIK: hey hey simCard ⚡ =She notices that recently-awake expression and raises her brows, but accepts the invitation into their room= i didnt interrupt your beauty sleep did i? ⚡

SIMULA: -musses with their own hair, shrugging a shoulder. they might not be the most emotive person usually, but they definitely seem extra lethargic.- You could hard-ly consider it that, if II look as shit-ty as II feel.

STATIK: =she threw an arm over one of their shoulders and pulled them into a side hug= STATIK: this is only a small speed bump. youll be beautiful again, no worries ⚡ KD

STATIK: =that is she tried throwing and arm over their shoulders.=

STATIK: =She tried, she probably only could reach one of them properly, then ended up just crossing and arm over their back.=

STATIK: =even as she jokes, her expression does flicker into a worried one=

STATIK: you looK as exhausted a deer being traCKed by an enduranCe hunter ⚡

SIMULA: -rubs at their eyes now, accepting the little scraps of affection.- It's noth-ing. II just made the mis-take of leav-ing my room again to-day.

STATIK: K(

STATIK: do i need to KiCK someones ass? ⚡

STATIK: ...

STATIK: do i need to KiCK my own ass? ⚡

SIMULA: ... No.

SIMULA: Some-thing stu-pid hap-pened. -huffs a small sigh-

SIMULA: II was hang-ing out with Dell in the cafeteria. Emilet was there. Silliness en-sued, basically. But it escalated and Dell got irrationally frustrated and-- Chucked his tri-dent at Emilet.

SIMULA: II on-ly bare-ly stopped it.

SIMULA: May-be he deserves an ass kick-ing. But II will be frank, II'm get-ting a bit tired of acts of physical violence.

STATIK: K\ oh my god... ⚡

STATIK: it Keeps HAPPENING ⚡⚡

STATIK: youre the Captain's kid! file a Complaint! start a petition! ⚡

STATIK: ill even sign it for you! ⚡

SIMULA: -scoffs- What, like an an-ti-bullying pact?

SIMULA: There's noth-ing II can do to stop peo-ple from be-ing impulsive idiots.

STATIK: =scoffs right back= NOT WITH THAT ATTITUDE! ⚡⚡

STATIK: when there are meetings in alternia's judiCiary, the league has to leave their weapons at the door and wear suppression Collars that are aCtivated during any signs of aggression. it was to avoid wrongful death. that was a problem for a while until it was solved! ⚡ CK

SIMULA: -looks.... reasonably horrified by this.- Eugh.

SIMULA: As aw-ful as Alternian cus-toms are, II sup-pose you're mak-ing a good point.

SIMULA: ... -long suffering sigh- II could al-ways talk to my fath-er, at least.

STATIK: =She didn't see anyone piledrive someone to death herself, she just HEARD things. And had a near-death experience that sent her straight back to the UU but that was a different thing entirely=

STATIK: of Course i am! ⚡⚡ OK

STATIK: =She pulled them into a tight hug, and her voice dropped a little softer,= what happened, it really bothered you, didn't it? ⚡ :C

SIMULA: ... -leans into her hug, nodding a little, unable to vocalize it.-

STATIK: it suCKs a lot to have someone you Care about be in danger ⚡

SIMULA: -glances at her, supposing she must know, if the way she's continually reacted to the finncident was any indication.- ... Yes. It does. -nonchalantly nuzzles at her shoulder a little.-

STATIK: then say something, sim! ⚡

STATIK: and if people don't listen, Keep saying something until they do ⚡

SIMULA: -quiets until she feels a little bit of wetness on her shoulder.- It feels... point-less.

STATIK: =she broke from the hug, and dipped her head, trying to look up at them=

STATIK: why?? ⚡⚡

SIMULA: -averts their gaze , but they can't hide the tears swelling in their mismatched eyes.- II made my bed a long time a-go.

SIMULA: II could keep try-ing, but why would anyone lis-ten to me? II don't de-serve the time of day.

SIMULA: II push-ed everyone a-way. That's what II want-ed. And now II'm-- -they can't believe they're letting themself break down like this, but everything hurt so badly, worse then the headache and the sparks erupting from the emotion, they couldn't hold it in anymore.-

SIMULA: II feel so a-lone.

SIMULA: Some-times II feel like you're the on-ly one who actually gives a fuck when it comes down to it.

SIMULA: Everyone is so fuck-ing con-tent to turn the oth-er cheek to-wards actual physical harm again-st me.

SIMULA: But II earned that, didn't II. This is what II get for be-ing such an ass-hole all the time.

STATIK: =she started off squinting at them, but the more they cry, the more her own tears begin to well up.=

STATIK: dont say that its not too late! i Can say for an absolute faCt that satomi and siri Care... ⚡

STATIK: but siri liKes everybody, so she doesnt Count ⚡

STATIK: looK looK looK ⚡

STATIK: =She sniffed as she squinted and placed each hand on their shoulders.=

STATIK: you didnt earn shit, and everyone else who is being an asshole about this doesnt Know a single thing about you ⚡

STATIK: they dont Care beCause its EASIER turning the other CheeK ⚡

STATIK: its easier for them thinKing theyre so freaKing PERFECT and trying to single you out beCause youre more honest about it that you arent ⚡

STATIK: they Cant grasp the ConCept theyre not as high and mighty as they maKe themselves out to be ⚡

STATIK: =her words are getting a bit snappish and angrier=

STATIK: and you Know what? they're fuCKing hypoCritiC COWARDS beCause of it! ⚡⚡

STATIK: theyre small and insignifiCant and they Cant stand it so theyre trying to maKe YOU feel that way! their tiny minds have tiny Cruel little thoughts and they arent worth shit! ⚡

STATIK: =she put a hand up to their face= youre worth way more than all of them together ⚡

SIMULA: -there's more to be conflicted about after hearing this. whether they should listen and let themself be comforted. whether it's true, whether it even matters if it's true or not. statik cared. statik saw them as something great, and not just despite the ugliness, but because of it too. they effectively lost the battle trying to keep her at bay along with everyone else. and... they're fine with that.-

SIMULA: You know... -sniffs, tentatively reaching to touch her face too. almost hesitant.- You real-ly are such an an-gry lit-tle per-son.

SIMULA: II think you give me too much cred-it. But II won't ar-gue eith-er.

SIMULA: ... Thank you, Stat-ik. For... be-ing here.

STATIK: im angry beCause all this pisses me off!! ⚡ KO

STATIK: but i wont deny im little ⚡

STATIK: =she leans into their touch, and laughs a slightly soggy laugh= and if i give you too muCh Credit, it's Cause you give yourself none ⚡

STATIK: im always gonna be here, sim. ⚡

STATIK: ...im sorry i stayed away ⚡

SIMULA: That doesn't mat-ter now. -insists, fidgeting a little before leaning in to press a kiss to her forehead.-

STATIK: =her face is turning a marvelous shade of GREEN, but not because she's sick. Statik doesn't move, because she's not sure how to take all these butterflies slamming themselves into the walls of her abdomen. Does she DARE?? Gradually though, she moved the hand she had on their face and lightly kissed the area where her touch had been.=

SIMULA: -a noise rumbles out of them like a purr -- a good indication that this is a good direction to head in. their head dips as they lean in, cheeks brushing, till they're simplying draping themself over her in another hug.-

STATIK: =Relief washed over her and she patted their face before pulling them closer in her arms, crossing her limbs over their back.=

STATIK: i wont do that to you again, oKay? i'm here for you. i'll always be here for you. ⚡

STATIK: =squeezes=

SIMULA: Then... you should stay here. Un-til II let you leave. -mumbles into her shoulder. this is what happens, statik. you give them an inch and they take a mile.-

STATIK: =There is a smile to her voice and she leaned her cheek against theirs.=

STATIK: there was only ever one option, i thinK ⚡

SIMULA: -they purr softly again, leaning heavily against her until they're both flopping back onto the bed. it's snuggle time...-

STATIK: =With Simula in her arms and she in theirs, it finally felt right. She nuzzled against them, purring herself.=