#... and im just?? useless in this state. useless to myself useless to my family useless to society. i dont even have it in me to do things

[silenthillbunni]

🏠🐇☁️🥛

[magnoliamyrrh]

.

[yoyitos]

i just downloaded the app back again just to write and let any person that is reading this, that the law of assumption is a law, and that our minds YOUR mind is the most powerful thing alive.

okey. so. let me get this straight. i had always had hope in the law of assumption, but the hope in here is useless babe... we need confidence, we need persistence, we don't need the 3 minutes of hype where you read "you already have everything in this moment" and after that still in the state of waiting for something.

KEEP IT SIMPLE! think of what you want, desired face? okey. change your selfconconcept of the person that has the face, and i know that a lot of bloggers say just that, but im telling you, your only job in here is to think from the prespective that you already have it baby. don't stress yourself, everything will change because if it is in your imagination and you accept that it will reflect in the 3d, thats literally everything everything and everything . you don't need to change your thoughts, only your state, you want to get into the void this night? imagine however you want that you are waking up with everything you wanted, it is not a desire, it is the reality. you want proof? go to your imagination. everything is there.

what i manifested and how i did it?

i never liked the list of things that someone manifested because they were like... too simple for me 😭 i wanted big sh1ts, so i said; if they aren't gonna do it, let me do it first. i did it. 🙆🏻‍♀️

changed my COMPLETELY APPEARANCE. i mean, i look exactly but so much hotter like Shin Ryujin the idol from south korea! (love that queen xoxoxo)

changed my complete body. from shoulders to toes. im telling you. i have already 3 days since i manifested it and im still shocked how easy is it. please. don't overthink anything. just accept that your imagination and subconscious is taking care of everything. believe in you.

changed my nationality to chinese (got that many ppl will criticize me but whatever, im still being the hot chinese girl)

changed my age to 19 years old. changed all of my documents. changed all of my past too.

changed my family. changed my life completely.

being the first always, always, always in my university, im studying psychology now. <3

changed my house of course. changed how wealthy i am. im telling you from the top of my heart. you can get free money from millions and millions of places and situations. you just need to accept that you deserve them. because we deserve the best and anything more low than that. get it?

changed my idioms. i grew up in france now so i know perfectly french, i know chinese, korean, english and german.

i know to play piano, bass guitar and violin like if i played them since i was a kid. 🥺

living in seoul korea. having the hot rich popular kind style living in seoul. 😩

making everyone being interested in me, i mean, i just thought for a second that everyone is gonna be interested in me when i will get into the university and guess what. they did.

getting into the void everytime i get to sleep. so if i want something to manifest tomorrow my subconscious is gonna make it for me. 🫂

having s3x with desired person. having him crazy for me. i really love him :( just... so happy i kept persisting. everything is done baby. don't worry.

meeting with desired famous ppl. i mean. just meeting them like a fan. not into that lol

how i did it?

just simply accepting that the law of assumption is a law. if i assume that i have something is it how i say. i don't need to argue with nobody in this 3d. nah. just minding my own business and keeping myself relaxed being "delusional" whatever, i just said, i want this life and after years of knowing the law of attraction (worst era ngl) and now knowing the law of assumption i decided what i wanted. just affirm to youserlf. if i wanted proof i will meditate and see it in my imagination. that's everything. i never ever liked any methods or sht like that. just sleep knowing that when i wake up or everything will be already materialized because i saw it in my imagination or i will get into the void. whatever. i will still get everything however way. you get me?

nothing is said in stone just if you say so. so get up that subconscious of yours and impress it. make it feel like you don't have anything to do anymore. DON'T COMPLICATE ANYTHING. 🥲

tips;

1. there are no tips.

YOU GOT THIS ALREADY! imagination should be a comfortable space. keep your time. don't worry for anyone, everything will work out for you. you need something urgent for tomorrow? is not anymore you needing it urgent, is you being relaxed knowing that if you can feel it in your imagination, everything and everyone will morph to make your imagination a fact, because there's no other option.

you assume that if you have it in your imagination everything will morph to please you, because you deserve anything but the best.

you accept it. even if you doubt. don't feel hope. feel confidence. you can't fail. if you say that you will not get anything, you are manifesting that you will not get it. if you say that no matter what you see everything will be as how you please. that will manifest. nothing is upper or lower. is the same. but you decide, what version will you be?

yoyitos. ★

[distort-opia]

You're braver than me for mentioning Khoa and Joker parallel in this hellsite that very much hate Joker lol. Im holding myself back from pointing out the same thing everytime i read Khoa story in fear someone gonna attack me. But anyway what do you think are the differences between their relationship (ghostbat & batjokes) since they're quite similar with each other. Cause tbh with you the way many describe ghostbat here feel just like they're describing batjokes instead

Ngl, this is one of the things that both depresses me and pisses me off about the current state of fandom. It sucks to hear you're too afraid of getting attacked over expressing a personal opinion on a literal blogging platform, built for this express purpose... regarding fictional characters and within a fandom, which is supposed to be fun. The block button and the filtering options exist for a reason though; I tag my stuff accurately so that people can blacklist, and I don't mind if people block me (I'm quite liberal with it myself). It's just part of curating your little niche, so I definitely encourage doing the same, Anon. Besides, despite the hellsite having its downsides, I've interacted with very reasonable and fun people as well, who dislike Joker or Batjokes but are fully capable of treating others with maturity and respect.

That being said, I agree that Batjokes and Ghostbat share a lot of similarities. I guess that for some it affords the fascinations of this type of dynamic for Bruce without the baggage Joker's character would unavoidably bring (both within Universe, and within fandom). However, there's definitely some essential differences between Ghostbat and Batjokes. Perhaps the most important consequence of them is that unlike Batjokes, Ghostbat has significantly higher chances of not ending in tragedy.

The thing about Joker is that, despite how seemingly desperate for attention and in love with Batman he canonically is, he also... hates Bruce's guts. And I'm making the distinction between 'Batman' and 'Bruce' because Joker himself makes it. Joker needs Batman on a fundamental level. He perceives his own current identity as having been shaped and defined by Batman, and he sees Bruce, the person underneath the mask, as the source of potential weakness and a threat to the Bat's existence. That's because Joker thinks of his own humanity as useless and weak, having decided to discard it and stomp it out. He then proceeds to try and do the same with Bruce's. This has literally been their main conflict since Death of the Family onwards.

Khoa also takes issue with Bruce being driven by emotion. He also considers it a weakness-- Bruce's need to save people, his vigilantism having revenge at its roots instead of a desire to perfect an art. However, Ghostmaker wasn't a direct result of Bruce's actions (accidental or not), like Joker is. Khoa's identity is much more stable and independent, not irrevocably intertwined with Bruce's Batman to the pathological degree Joker's is; and as a result, he's less extreme about it. Khoa can allow for disagreement without resorting to destroying Bruce's life, whereas Joker (at least of now) cannot allow any compromises, any pause from conflict-- because he needs it. Khoa, however, is able to stop and make peace. He challenges Bruce and his need for control just enough, right up to the point of fully enabling Bruce's darkness and self-destructiveness. Joker never stops. He keeps escalating the trauma, the horrors; a pit of knives Bruce keeps throwing himself into.

In a way, shipping Ghostbat is indulging in a dynamic similar to Batjokes, but one that can have a happier ending. Bruce can be a person with Khoa, whereas Joker would tear vulnerability to shreds. The parallels between Joker War and Ghostmaker's introduction arc are so interesting to me also because they showcase this from the start. The final confrontation with Joker, in Batman (2016) #100, has Joker stab Bruce in the back and then almost cut his face off, talking about how he'd then have "to start from scratch." Joker is tearing everything down to have Bruce rebuild it-- alone. The final confrontation with Khoa also includes him telling Bruce he's not enough, he's weak, he needs to become stronger; it also includes being stabbed in the back, but while in a fair fight that has rules. And then Bruce wakes up to Khoa sowing up the wounds he himself inflicted.

That's the crucial difference between the ships, I would say. Despite their disagreements, Bruce and Khoa are on the same side, and Bruce can expect to survive showing weakness to Khoa. Joker is, paradoxically, on the side of Batman alone and also against Bruce. That's not to say it couldn't be different, and that a happier ending is impossible to imagine for them too-- but it's a lot more complicated. Personally, I enjoy Batjokes so much because of how difficult a relationship would be. It inevitably has to involve Joker allowing himself to be human (since otherwise he would not allow Batman to be) and that's such a heavy and complex deconstruction of trauma that's fascinating to delve into.

Hope this was interesting to read through! There's a lot more stuff to say about the differences between Khoa and Joker as characters and their brand of psychopathy, and how that impacts the dynamic with Bruce, but I'm waiting for Batman Inc. and their interaction there to see where DC takes it. (Please let it be good.)

[gothamslostboy]

Time To Join The Club

Summary: Paul’s mate doesn’t like the vampire lifestyle they’ve been tricked into, and David has noticed how much that upsets Paul

WARNINGS: extremely toxic david, mentions of deceitful turning, david scratching and shoving reader, manipulating and threatening reader, dismissing and demeaning reader’s feelings

A/N: this is my first attempt at writing seriously dark/toxic David, and is it bad how much I enjoyed it? Probably. Am I gonna do it again? Absolutely. This is my darkest fic yet so please read the warnings

DAVID YOU

I could hear his footsteps from a mile away. Just like I could hear the hundreds of heartbeats behind me, blissfully enjoying their night on the boardwalk. God I would give anything to feel like that again. To be like them again.

You can’t ignore us forever. I’ve watched you sigh and pity yourself for two days now- my scoff interrupts him and quickens his arrival behind me. You’re done moping now. David grabs my arm and pulls me back towards him. It’s upsetting Paul.

Who gives a shit. Fuck off and leave me alone. His cold stare hardens with his jawline as he holds me in place, my struggles to break free useless against him. You. He is your mate, your job is to keep him happy. Just like his is the same to you. Oh? And he’s doing such a great job at that. I barely even know the guy! And I don’t want to, so fuck him to-

Sharp pain fills my face, David’s claws grasping at my jaw. Thick red blood flows around his fingers as he drags me even closer. He gave you a gift. He chose your eternal life, do not disrespect my brother or you will wish for death. I don’t dare struggle, frozen in horror of his yellowed stare, highlighting his jagged, aggressive features. It feels like we’re stuck in place, seconds passing like hours until he finally shoves me to the ground, watching with twisted satisfaction as I run my hands over my jaw and wince at the sting of salty tears on my wounds.

This is no gift David. I try to will myself into a more unemotional state, but my lip continues to quiver. He turned me into a monster. YOU turned me into a monster.

Im met with dismissive laughter. We turned you into a monster? If I’m not mistaken, no one forced you to drink my ‘wine’. He kneels down infront of me and speaks through gritted teeth. You took it freely and drank every last drop. All we did is tell you what you’d gain; a family, a long life full of love and joy. Yet you have the audacity to spit in our faces, call us monsters, and pity yourself for your own doing. I have no idea what Paul sees in you, if it were up to me you’d of died in the first hour. But he loves you, and in time you’ll learn your place and love him back. A smirk covers his now human features, satisfied that his words could hurt me even if Paul had asked him not to physically damage me.

Now listen Y/N, we are going to wait here until your face heals. Then, you will come back to the cave with me and apologize to Paul, AND to the rest of us for being so dramatic or I will destroy every remaining morsel of your human life, including the people. Do you understand me?

I stare down David, praying that the sun would rise and set him ablaze. He begins to move his hand towards my face again, prompting me to speak. Fine, but I have no apology for you and their’s will be hollow. He tsks, shoving me fully back against the sand.

As long as he believes it, I don’t care. In time you will learn how foolish you’re being and will give me the apology I deserve. He glances over me again.

Your face is healed, get up and start to think of what you’ll say.

——— TAG LIST ———

@britany1997

[godmona]

i know this is on my new account so i dont have a lot of my followers here yet, but i will be reblogging this post on all of my blogs i have. life update, whatever you want to call it. heart failure, sickness, hospital, surgery and just death stuff in general.

in november, my dad collapsed in the house and had to go to the er by ambulance. he’s been dealing with heart failure for years, had open heart surgery back in like 2010, and had a defibrillator put in. he’s never gone back in to have the defibrillator batteries replaced and his heart has been getting worse over the years with age. in november, we finally were able to convince him to have the surgery to do that. it went great!! his heart started to work a little better and catching up with his body. last week, my mom called me to say that he couldn’t breathe, and she convinced him to go back to the hospital via an ambulance again. it’s not good. his liver is failing. both his kidneys are failing. so everything your kidneys are supposed to filter out is just sitting in his body. he has had a breathing tube down his throat for almost a week and they have to take it out soon or it’s going to cause permanent damage or they’re going to have to put a permanent one in, which he’s already said no to. he’s stable, but he’s stable because the machines he’s on are doing all the work for his body right now. my sister is down there with my family ( they live in another state ) and my job basically told me to go fuck myself as far as going down there right now. it’s not good, and it doesn’t look like it’s going to get any better. he's conscious, but with the breathing tube in his throat he can only answer yes or no questions. again, my sister is down there, but me and my sister both know that he doesn't want to live on life support and stuff like that. on top of that, there's the problem with what to do with our mother. me and my sister are not close to her, we do not care about her, we've been trying to go no contact but haven't because we love our dad. she's never worked a day in her life, and is completely useless in literally everything. once something happens to my dad, we have no idea what the fuck to do with her. and everytime she calls me to update me on my dad's condition, she immeditely makes it about herself when we've told her this was coming years ago. she should have figured something out. i'm not using the money i make to take care of a grown 44 year old fucking woman. i’m completely helpless in the situation, and i’ve never lost a family member i knew or was close to before, let alone a parent. it is hard to exist, let alone be online. i see my notifications of tumblr and discord and i’m sorry if it looks like i’m ignoring you or something but i genuinely do not have the energy for anyone except my partners right now. i’m trying so hard to figure out a way to go do down there ( probably for a funeral because it doesn’t look like he’s going to make it to the end of the year ) without loosing my job because i do not have an immediate new job to set up to go to. it would be different if i needed time off to go to a funeral in the same state, but its in another state, so money and travel time. in the end, if they’ve got a problem with me going to my father’s funeral, i will be quitting my job as well. which we all know how the job search is, and the financial strains on households as it is. im barely getting up enough in the morning to go to work in retail without having a breakdown of the stuff going on. so this is that update. please don’t expect much from me right now.

[dizzyaddy]

drowning - naruto x oc pt. 1

(i do not own any naruto characters, only the original character)

life was a blur before i met him.

the rising sun adorning the pastel sky greeted me with a new day. i exhaled a shaky breath as i treaded down the dirt path, the morning dew still evident on the nearby patches of grass. i had been up all night training and it was only now taking a toll on me. my eyelids felt heavy as did my feet below me, which were slowly but surely starting to drag behind me.

as much as i loved konohagakure, sometimes it simply feels suffocating. the infamous nine tails attack had devastated the village, leaving many people with little to no family. thanks to my older sister, we both somehow managed to survive. that being said, the rest of our clan along with our parents had perished along with half of the village.

i was simply too young to remember such an event, though to this day it still took a toll on my elder sister. she was once a proud shinobi, willing to put her life on the line for anybody and everybody. sometimes she will tell me old stories of her battles and how strong she used to be. nowadays, she can’t do much physically but still tries her best to keep the lighthearted spirit hanging in the air.

it makes me feel guilty, really, for being so able bodied and still feeling so useless. even in her state, she managed to raise me and continuously care and watch over me. her strength truly is something i admire most about her, her unwillingness to give up in defeat. now every time i feel like throwing in the towel, i’m reminded of all that she was and all that she continues to be.

hence, why i’m walking through the village at dawn to locate her pain medicine. my muscles trembled and ached, the exhaustion finally weaving its way through my body as i continued to push myself through the square. i had been back from my B ranked mission for a few days, and i was instructed to take this time to recuperate and replenish myself. as much as i would like to listen, my stubbornness deemed it impossible as i found any opportunity to make myself stronger.

coming up on the shop, i exhaled a breath of relief as i saw they had just opened. my rhythmic steps had picked up their pace as i was overcome with joy that i would be able to do something for my sister. my hand was about to touch the door handle before-

“hey!” a perky voice greeted me, taking my attention away from the door to this mysterious person. my eyes locked with his sky blue eyes as i felt myself stop breathing. i had lived in kohonagakure all my life, but never have i ever seen eyes that bright. eyes that held so much emotion, so much passion, so much optimism.

“sorry, can i help you?” i asked, trying to find the courage in my words. it wasn’t often that i spoke to people other than my sister. even if i did, it was always me doing someone a favor or-

“yeah about that, i noticed you were about to walk in here. you see, i just got back from training with my sensei for an overly long amount of time and i was instructed to pick up some medicine for him. you see, i kinda really hurt him awhile back and now he-“ he rambled as he sheepishly pushed through the words, his arm retracted behind his head as he rubbed it awkwardly.

“you need to go in front of me? i won’t mind,” i cut him off, his ramblings instantly quieting as he nodded eagerly. my, how can someone have this much energy in the morning?

“yes actually that would help out a lot, im sorry i know we both have places to be but-“ he started again before i politely held my hand in front of me and shook my head, signaling that it truly was okay.

“no no, it’s okay. i hope you find what you’re looking for,” i meekly said, my hand finally wrapping around the handle and opening it for him to walk through. he continued to stand there, dumbfounded at my actions while he stared at me with curiosity. i could feel my knees buckle with anxiety, hoping he would walk through quickly so i can get home.

“geez, you’re really nice you know that?” he said with a smile before walking through the open door. i felt a small smile creep up on my face before i followed him into the shop. he waltzed toward the counter as i kept my distance behind him, not wanting to impose on his privacy. the man working the counter quickly took his order before returning to the back to rummage for whatever it is he needed.

“so what’re you doing here this early?” he asked, catching me off guard. my eyes left my feet and collided with his, which were once again already looking at me. and i going to feel this winded every time?

“i just got finished training, i have to pick up some medicine for my sister,” i sheepishly said, my fingers intertwining with another as i stood there under his gaze. he was tall and built, his shaggy blonde hair firmly sweeping over his headband in all the right ways. his bright blue eyes still holding as much warmth as they did before as i noticed he had cat like whiskers on both sides of his cheeks. before he could add on to my statement, i asked,” what about you? as you said, it is quite early.”

he looked at me for another moment before a grin swept across his features, momentarily entrancing me.

“i just got back from training with my sensei, i’ve been gone for three whole years and now i’m finally back home!” he brought his fist up and pumped it in the air as he spoke. his enthusiasm brought a smile to my face as i stood there listening to his every word.

“i’m sorry, i forgot you already said that,” i spoke with a slight chuckle. “three years of training? geez, i’m sincerely happy you’re back home. i hope you can make the most of it,” i said with a smile, his confidence keenly rubbing off on me.

“order up!” the man behind the counter announced as he set the bag of medicine on the counter. the boy in front of me quickly turned around and exchanged some coins for the bag before he picked it up and turned around to face me.

“gee, thanks! i’ve really gotta get going or else i’m gonna be in trouble, but thanks for talking to me!” he waved a grandiose goodbye before rushing out of the store, quickly leaving me behind. moments after her left, my heart was still racing as i was left there staring after him. i probably would have stood there longer if it weren’t for the polite man behind the counter looking at me expectantly.

“the usual?” he asked before i nodded, not wanting to keep my sister waiting any longer. he nodded in acknowledgment before he swiftly reached down and pulled out the bag of medicine i’ve become too keen on seeing.

“you know, you’ve been coming in here more often lately. i could always up the dosage so she doesn’t go through so much,” he offered. i dug out the coins in my pouch before softly putting them in his rough hand.

“thank you for the offer, i would have to talk to her first but i will definitely keep that in mind. thank you, again, i hope you have a great day!” i said before making my way toward the exit. he looked at me with pity before putting on a smile and waving me off.

my smile immediately dropped when i exited the shop. i knew what he was saying was true, but it doesn’t mean i have to heed it in this moment. the birds vibrant songs had become more prominent than when i had entered the store. the sky’s candy colors faded into a mesmerizing blue as i stared up at it for a few moments before counting my journey home.

[elena-oc-blog]

Hey remember when I drew the hydra brothers back in august and mentioned in the description that i would have their parents out soon too? Yeah sorry, they got stuck in art limbo as i was distracted with other things but now I have the hydra dads for you to see! I actually finished this like 2 days ago and I was going to wait with posting them until i finished the hydra mom piece too but I'm going through another *im tired all the time* period so thats not happening any time soon so here is hydra dad by himself or themselves i should say. I only drew their heads because I have mercy for myself and am not subjecting myself on drawing an anthro hydra with 5 heads. I do have bust sketches of them in my sketchbook but I still need to figure out how to fit their 5 necks and heads on one body properly so maybe thats a thing for the far future Anyway lore on these guys uh, Im a lil tired so let me just copy paste some miscelaneous lore I posted in my discord server and ill try to elaborate when i feel less shitty. I'll put it under a readmore so this post wont clog up your feed.

The Lièrna family gang is made up of Greek monsters: centaurs, satyrs, chimeras, minotaurs, griffins, some undercover hellhounds, etc.

Don't have a proper ref for this gang yet as I still need to fill their ranks

They originally lived in and operated from Athens in Greece but had to leave almost everything behind when the police started to catch on to them. They fled to the carribean island of Isla Dracon and settled in Auron City, soon recovering their wealth and businesses and becoming one the top dog gangs there and close to being in control of the city. That is until Thorn showed up a few years after..

The Lièrna family front is a luxury car business (building, selling, repairing) while their criminal business is car towing with a lot of extortion of the poorer part of the city's population where they basically steal cars and any personal belongings left in them from the poor population because they can't pay the fees. They then proceed to either resell these cars in one of their used car dealerships or destroy the cars to use for parts and scrap metal. They also loan out money under preditory rates and own some real estate that they rent out for high prices with bad service. So really their whole business is exploiting people, especially those less fortunate. They revel in this, thinking the poor deserve it for not working hard enough.

As for their relationship with Thorn, they hate Thorn but they act like good friends of his whenever they meet with him or are talking about him with people they don't know/people who like him. They don't want to stir trouble until they have a solid plan on how to overthrown him. Thorn as of now has no idea the hydras hate his guts and are plotting against him in secret together with Morrison and whatever other allies they gain.

Im not sure how old they are. I need to figure out my timeline better for that first. And maybe change how dragons age compared to other species idk But I would say they are between their late 40s and mid 50s

Also pecking order of the brothers from top to bottom is: Don, Alekos, Roland and Boris and at the very bottom is Kashew. Kashew is mute and also rather friendly which makes his brothers and especially Don regard him as a useless nobody. Kashew gets a lot of verbal abuse and sometimes also physical abuse from his brothers :( The only reason they don't physically abuse him as much as they mentally abuse him is because having a beaten up head would be bad for their business and image with the civilians of the city. They also cant get rid of him as that would comprimise their health and ability to fuse back together. Hydras can split up into individual smaller and less powerful dragons but unless all individuals are present, they can't fuse back together. And eventhough hydras in their fused natural state can regenerate their heads effortlessly and have an increased durability for injuries, in their seperate state they will die if decapitated and are also much more defenseless in general. While a fused hydra could take a vicious stabbing/beating and live, a split hydra individual is much more fragile and will easily bleed out and if they die, their siblings are doomed as well. Thus hydras tend to only split up when in the comfort of their home or when they take on a human disguise. It can also occur when there is an extreme disagreement between siblings and one or multiple forcibly split off through sheer willpower, causing them to fall apart into seperate entities. This is not preferable though. Anyway i think thats all the lore i have at the moment, i hope you enjoy the boys. Feel free to ask questions about them

[spacedlexi]

have you read the clementine book? if so what are your thoughts?

i said a lot of my thoughts when the book was first announced,, and thought it was going to suck for a myriad of reasons,,,

and i was right lol

i havent read it 100% myself since i refuse to engage with it and i pretend it doesnt exist, but ive seen pages of it here and there and ive read other in depth reviews out of morbid curiosity and its just...................... it sucks so much...........................

putting this under a read more for those of u also pretending this comic doesnt exist so u can continue on ur day 💕

clem as a character has reverted back to her s3 self, and not even the end of s3 but the beginning of it before she opened up to the garcias and was just an angry distrustful loner who was tired of watching everyone she cared about die around her (which is why she pushed people away..and its like... a major part of her character development for s3.. and is now being used as her development for this book that takes place AFTER S4!!). so not only are we getting a complete retcon basically of s4, but also s3 technically?? who is this person this is not post s4 clem. this is literally 13/14 year old clem

ALSO can i just say.. when i read the synopsis and it said she was "moving into a new community of teens" i was expecting it to actually be like.....a Community...... and not LITERALLY JUST LIKE 3 PEOPLE.......... 2 of which are our store brand minnie/sophie stand-ins and the 3rd is a a half baked love interest. actually its worse than half baked. her calling clem "baby" made me choke. i was also expecting amos and whatever her name is to both be possible love interests (even tho i wasnt thrilled by the idea of either of them. louis and violet are good thanks), but no amos gets with one of the sisters and dies 💀 and the girl is calling clem "baby" before book 1 is even over................................................................ LIKE WHAT IS THIS. also why tf are these 3 TEENAGERS..ALONE... building new houses?? in the middle of winter in VERMONT!!?!?!?!?? make it make sense im begging. AND!!! theyre LEAVING!! this community!!!! at the end of the book??? WHAT?? not only did they scrap the s4 teen community but their own freaking teen community as well and now theyre going to an island or something??? and its sounding like an "island of dr moreau" reference so thats... idk im bored already. like what are we doing. what is this

and i cannot BELIEVE... clems reasoning for leaving the school.... is that she felt like the kids were treating her differently?? that people thought since she lost her leg that she was like.. useless?? the ericson kids would QUITE LITERALLY NEVER. you know aside from the fact that louis or violet could end s4 with their own disability giving them something in common with clem since they receive their injuries at basically the same time and are getting used to their new limitations side by side... HOW MANY TIMES... did clem hear from different kids... that they owe their lives to her, that she protected them and gave them a fighting chance, that she turned ericsons into a safe place worth fighting for and saved them from being a bunch of scared kids hiding in the woods just waiting for something to happen to them, how without her theyd all be child soldiers or dead....... ericsons as a community was all about these traumatized abandoned kids banding together to take care of each other in a harsh world where everyone neglected and forgot about them. they were a bunch of "troubled" kids nobody wanted not even their own families, who each were suffering from their own issues and became a tight knit group where they all looked out for each other. WHERE... IN ANY OF THIS..... does it make sense for clem to feel ostracized?? for them to treat her differently??? just because of her leg (which again shes not the only one with a disability)?? which aj specifically states he will make her a new one? lets also not get into the fact of what her losing her leg is supposed to symbolize because ive said it a million times. but i guess it makes sense for that to be retconned too since its all about her not being on the road anymore and how she has a stable and safe community of people she loves who she can rely on (which is what shes been wanting since...forever). cant have that if we're gonna shove her out on the road again and give her the same problems she had when she was young teen

also.. why tf.. does clem suddenly know NOTHING?? about WOUND CARE?? lets ignore the fact that shes leaving the school before her leg is even completely healed (wtf). but like......clem has known basic wound care since SEASON 2.. an entire scene is literally clem escaping the shed because she knows itll be bad if her dog bite is left to fester. so she breaks into the house. steals supplies to clean and patch herself up. and then LITERALLY. CLEANS AND STITCHES HERSELF... AT 11 YEARS OLD. leading to the classic and iconic "im still not bitten" line. and aside from literally everything shes learned on the road, theres also ruby? who was literally trained by the school nurse and was definitely taking care of clem and her wound and you KNOW ruby would be on top of it too like "clem did you clean today did you change your bandages let me know if you need help i have more bandages if you need them also painkillers and dont forget to rest"

also i have to just quick mention how fuckin Lame it is that she names her prosthetic "kenny" fuck off. having a character say "yeah. thats a good name" does not make it a good name that actually makes it more glaring honestly. and her flashbacks about lee and how shes like.. mad at him for not saving her or something?? or for like leaving her alone or whatever? its so.. like.. what the fuck... i hate it so much... it feels so childish honestly?? clem never blamed lee for Anything he fought so hard for her and she knows that. i feel like if anything she would have guilt for running away in the first place since its the reason he got bit? its not HIS fault he fuckin died. and he walked through hell to make sure he got her to safety

ok. i think thats everything new i have to add. there were a lot of other problems too but i dont feel like sitting here ripping this book to shreds again i just want to pretend it doesnt exist. ive at least completely separated it from the rest of twdg and i can look at it as its own mess. that is NOT clementine and i can say that with 1000% certainty now. now its just like watching a car wreck. but i know that clem is still back at ericsons enjoyin her fuckin life and vibing

[crymeariveronceagain]

River's thoughts after re-reading Neverseen

NEW! FAVORITE! BOOOOK!!! Neverseen gets all the stars!!! I loved this one so much! There was so much going on and I loved every minute of it! Honestly, there is so little of this book that I'd change if I was writing the series that like I don't even know what to do with myself.

Oh wait I'm making a list of my thoughts.

Dex is irrelevant mostly ig. Poor Dex. At least he's got some things to do and some involvement. He's hanging out with Keefe??? Okay the Dex and Keefe friendship was so much more in depth than I remembered I need to have them interact more when I write fics. Like, I'm willing to bet they grew apart over the following books, but in Neverseen, they're just. So. Friendship??? Like 10/10 I love this for them.

THE REASON I SHIP SOKEEFE IS THIA BOOK. THIS BOOK IS WHERE KEEFE BECOMES MORE OF A MAIN CHARACTER THAN FITZ, MORE OF A MAIN CHARACTER THAN DEX, TAM, LINh, ALL OF THEM. THIS IS THE BOOK WHERE THEY HOLD EACH OTHER'S HANDS AND TELL EACH OTHER IT WILL BE OKAY AND WATCH EACH OTHER'S BACKS AND IM IN LOVE WITH THESE TWO

oh speaking of Tam and Linh, these two are slowly destroying my soul I forgot how they were really introduced I forgot how screwed up in the head they are

Exilium was so much more jarringly horrible. Like people actually said "let's put all the untouchables, the social pariahs, the unworthy, the useless, the bad, all in a prison camp, and make them fight for individualistic survival." How dense can you get? No matter how much budget this prison camp gets, it's core fundamentals aren't gonna change. The unworthy and broken will always go there, and they will fight for themselves, and themselves alone.

Like Tam and Linh weren't allowed to help or talk to each other during the day for years they've gotta have sign language figured out

LINH WAS FORCED TO PRACTICALLY WATERBOARD HERSELF FOR A GOOD GRADE???? WHY IS NO ONE TALKING ABOUT ALL THE TRAUMA THIS GIRL HAS GONE THROUGH?!

Also. Hydrokinesis is water-speaking confirmed. I'll be posting the line later. I have feelings.

Imagine how overwhelmed and horrible it would be to get your face shoved in a bucket of water for 45 minutes when it's literally screaming bloody murder at you.

Also shouldn't Sophie be dead if she held her breath for 45 minutes?! Just saying.

I found the Linh/Fitz ship basis. And it turns out Fitz literally just wants to be stepped on by a powerful, beautiful woman. So does Dex. They want a powerful woman to step on them. They're complete simps and I mean that in the most positive way, when they get married they will ADORE their wives, oh my stars.

Speaking of Fitz. This kid. Has so many issues. Holy frick. This entire book is high-key a red flag for Fitz and his like, general emotional state. He says so many things that are just kind of wrong enough to sound like accurate cover ups for deeper issues. There are so many little scenes where it's implied his family is different than what it looks like on the surface.

He's the perfect golden child and the facade is starting to melt and you just find a kid who needs approval and has to put everything about himself on hold just to get it.

Calla is so old.

Forkle you need to understand that if you let kids into your terrorist organization then you need to stop trying to keep them out of the stuff they need to be involved in. The children are already involved, asshat. Stop saying they're not. They're knees deep in the problems you created. You can't pull them out now.

Speaking of, the Black Swan did a complete 180 on their treatment of Sophie. One of the things that was particularly jarring about Everblaze was the lengths it went to in order to dehumanize Sophie in every way. She was a weapon, a creation, a science experiment, and a freak. Very, very, very few adults actually treated her like an actual person. So this book, when Forkle writes his name down as her family, tells her he cares about her, all that stuff, it hits wrong. Everyone spent so much time dehumanizing Sophie that trying to treat her like a person almost makes it seem like they're lying to her, nearly constantly, about who she is to them.

Also, controversial opinion, give Sophie complete control over her own mind. Give her all her memories back. Don't leave her brain like swiss cheese. She deserves to possess herself, at the very least.

Fitz getting stabbed by a bug should be talked about more

Also the council was from a straight up dystopia this book, gotta vibe.

Keefe distracting King Dimitar heck yeah I love that kid-- also that whole thing oozed self destruction I think we need to get Keefe some therapy ASAP, much of this could have been avoided

The gnomes were like, such a background concern about this because all the emotion in this book was tied up with Gisela, Keefe, Sophie, Fitz, and Tam and Linh. There was none left for the gnomes. And we learned so little about Calla that even HER death didn't make me have feelings as much as the scene where Keefe and Sophie have a window sleepover.

I forgot people thought Fintan died with Kenric

The Alvar betrayal didn't give me anything but confirmation that Alvar might be double crossing the Neverseen with the Black Swan and that Alden might still be Neverseen

Ooh also new idea for the head Neverseen person we'd never see coming: Kenric. Fintan made it out of the flames, another Neverseen member could have, too. Just saying.

Keefe Sencen actually had a rather emotionally mature reaction to grief. And to the trauma. He just kind of felt things, converted it into a desire to do SOMETHING, and then got mad when people prevented him from doing things. Like? That's pretty mature? Fitz practically threw temper tantrums and punched holes in walls. Grady and Edaline self isolated. Alden absolutely crumbled. And Keefe turned his emotions into actions. Good actions, too, if a little reckless.

Speaking of. Keefe's sneaking into the Neverseen plan was better thought out, better executed, and smarter than anything the black swan had implemented up to that point. The only person he endangered was himself, the only one accountable was him, the only person who needed to do anything was him. And he put himself in a VERY advantageous place. Sure, he hurt some people. But this is war. It's not something you can put too much weight on what other people you emotionally hurt with. You need to think critically, and every second you waste not doing something is a second your enemy could be doing something. Keefe Sencen is not and will never be Neverseen. But his plan was smart, well executed, and did what it needed to.

Grady only calls Keefe "that boy" after he goes to the Neverseen. Which means that Grady really loved that kid and got hurt by him leaving. Or he is combining Brant and Keefe together in his head, along with his daughters.

Can we please just trust the Empath with one thing?

[teddybeirin]

I had no financial autonomy except what family deemed fit to give me at the time and it was huge imbalance they took lions share and I got less. I was dependent on them and they bought me stuff I needed or gave me presents as if so generous. I wouldn't have needed them to do that if they give me my money in all and k can pay my way instead them deciding to take my money most of it to pay my way. Then one day when I was older they said I could keep my income, as in all of it as long as I pay for myself out of it and all my bills. And that's what I'd did and still do. I still not understand their angle except greed and abuse. Maybe cos your older and also cos you left, she's trying to cover her back and also not see point in trying control that way so she give you more financial autonomy. But I worry your mom just exerting control in another way now. I hope not dude but keep going

im so sorry you have been through similar things to us lovie, i hope that you are safer now and if not i hope that you will be as soon as possible. we will keep going!!! i hope that you will too!!

i figured out what the deal was w the thing i posted about (she literally just cannot access those funds w/ out going through me now, but if i were to do as she says my family would take the money - except, that would be being complicit in the misuse of it, and i am not going to lie for them and screw up our future so they can have a quick buck... maevey got us out of trouble with that one though, we have lied and said we were denied access too, it is better if we just do not have it because while we are here it would just be stolen anyhow and that could also get us into trouble no matter if we just cannot do anything, for so long as we are unable to safely tell authorities of the abuse, we cannot give the reason when the reason is the abuse, so it is just better to seal it off.)

they have been going between being as cruel as usual and then showering us with niceness, starving us and leaving only spoiled food for us and then giving lots of candies and sweets and such things, taking money (the cash we kept on hand, not what is safely in the bank) from us to spend on their own garbage and then suddenly gifting us money to be spent only on things they say is okay to spend it on (children's games, stuffed toys, snacks, and the like - not anything thatd help us get out of here..), among other things, just... keeping the tension constant by oscillating in this way, never giving certainty of what will happen if xyz.

we havent been given true financial power by them at all - only little useless things. but we do have very important things in place to maintain our financial autonomy, although we cannot afford to escape right now, they cannot steal from our money because it is in places they cannot access, they cannot use our identity freely to get things as easily anymore, and since we've just been suffering through things so well despite being denied access to healthcare (both by them and by not being able to afford what we'd actually need) we have managed to not be seen as disabled anymore by the state despite still being disabled, meaning they cannot use that to keep us under their thumb anymore by being designated our caretakers and holding our moneys for us...

things are very much set up so that if we could just figure out the income end, we could be free of them financially without much trouble, now. we've made a lot of progress in that regard :'D but not so much with being able to work under the constraints we are under while here. and with what we were doing having gone up in flames, and still not finding a way to fix it, it is back to square 1 with income.. but we will figure it out!!!!

[simply2much]

Love, Nineteen

Sometimes I feel too much all at once. All these thoughts come to me and I’m thinking about everything and anything all at once and it makes me feel so overwhelmed. Its too much all at once. Everyone is going to leave me soon  or they already have because I am nothing but a passing thought.Ive held onto one friendship so tightly and I can feel it slipping away, like she was never meant to be in my life for this long. Its all too much at once. I need to go to school and get a job so I can work myself to the bone and not be happy with who I am or what I do. So my mom can have something to brag about and I don’t have to keep hiding from everyone during family gatherings, I don’t have to embarrassed for taking time for myself. Its all too much at once. I just want to move away to another state, alone so I can start over, change my name get a part time job so I can barely afford rent but ill be alone I don’t need anyone else. Im so scared to be alone, I don’t want to feel useless I will give up everything I have ever loved to help someone, if it means they will be happy to be with me then why not. Its all too much at once. 

[malt-o-meat]

my job is not to be traumatized by a movement i want to support, my job is to support a movement.

my job is not to be traumatized by a movement i want to support, my job is to support a movement.

my job is not to be traumatized by a movement i want to support, my job is to support a movement.

i am not going to make myself a victim by seeking out traumatizing content so that i can say i stood in support. i don’t need to see violence happening to believe it, and i am perfectly capable of standing against it without watching videos of kids being killed by missiles.

i know that for some folks, this is what it takes, but if i keep seeing graphic content, im going to be useless to any cause. it shuts me down completely. i don’t have a solution for this, because i know that its important people see it, but god damn it my ocd has been destroying me and i can’t live in this. i’m not saying that im a victim of this shit, that would be selfish. i am going to say it sucks to have my ocd triggers everywhere constantly again, because it’s not like i wasn’t already thinking about it, but seeing it is debilitating. i’m perfectly capable of understanding how bad something is without a visual.

context for anyone who gives a shit, there was a hellfire missile launched into a hospital in gaza. for those unfamiliar, it is an american missile that has spinning blades on it meant to take limbs off of folks. it is an anti tank missile.

i was looking to find proof of this, and i found a little. a video of a hospital being hit by what looks like a dud, and proof that the united states has supplied them in the recent and distant past. but in looking, i have seen more blood than i’ve meant to in a long time.

this is a link to a tiktok of a WHO official in al-shifa, which is over run. it has blood in it. it is miserable.

this is a link to a cbs mornings video about strikes hitting gaza and the evacuation plans constantly changing, leading to the death of a young boy. there is a body shown in this.

there are dozens and hundreds more. i understand how, after just seeing these fairly sterile videos, someone could say some pretty fucked up evil things about some pretty fucked up evil folk. or how that anger could be misdirected and hit the wrong people.

my brain does not stop thinking about and talking about and wanting to assist the folks affected by this shit. okay? okay. i don’t need to look at these videos for that to be true. i don’t need to be traumatized by traumatizing shit to have empathy. my brain can also get that no amount of watching the videos will ever make me get how fucking bad it is right now, because my brain has its limits. i am mourning the dead. i don’t need to see them to mourn. and i don’t need to see the traumatized families to know that people need help, and to give help. i’m not going to judge people who do need to see to understand, either! that’s just not me!

if you haven’t looked at these, i do recommend it. 10,000 is hard to conceptualize, but a couple hundred? that makes more sense.

real work happens in the meat space, it’s ok to take breaks if you’re able

[fregisselfloathingagain]

txt vent 2

I just cried over not having hot water for my fucking shower I can't

Im so pathetic it hurts; maybe mom was right, I am useless and fat. Maybe I'll die of diabetes and everyone will be rid of me.

I can't take this abuse anymore I'm so fucking tired I don't want to move. I don't even want to simp over Donnie I've just lost all feelings

I don't fucking care anymore.

GOD IM SUCH A DICK fuck I just can't. Every time I get better I revert back to the the same state I was before.

I thought I was making PROGRESS but all I'm doing is fucking everything up like I usually do. I'm such a terrible friend

I can't even keep anyone in my life for more than a year, I'm such an abomination of a human what the fuck

It's like I got all the worst parts of my family rolled into one stupid, idiotic asshole!!!!

Nothing I do will ever be good enough fuck. All my ideas are shit, and nobody likes me.

I always end up alone, no matter what I do to fix myself it isn't enough for anyone. I'm such an exhausting person to be around, I can't even keep FRIENDS irl

Maybe it would be better if I died, no matter how hard I try, nobody ever stays

I guess I should take my cold water and no friends as a sign that I shouldn't be around other people, and just fucking kill myself already fuck

[lunasootsprite]

I dont use this blog but I will probably starting tomorrow.

Anyways right now I just need to speak I guess. I think people see me as an Idiot. My father especially. Today my car got towed while visiting a friend and I assumed it did bc apartment complexes do that all the time and I got outside to leave and my car was gone. I was horrified and I think in shock to the point where I was very calm

I didn’t know how to handle it but my friends told me it probably got towed, they would call and get me the number so we could get it sorted. So I catch a ride home from them and I tell my dad. He’s asking me why I didn’t call him first and wondering why i think it was towed. He asks where I parked and where I was near and then just assumes it was stolen. He’s getting angry asking why there is no haste in my voice and why I seem so calm. We drive back and as we get there I he makes me take a picture of the towing sign. Driving back he asks me questions about basic things that I had explained earlier and on the way over I mentioned that if for some reason we needed the keys I didn’t have them bc i left them in my room. This confuses him and he asks me to clarify. I do and as I finish I say “ Did you think I left them at the apartment and thats why I didn’t drive home? “ He says yes. I then follow up with I feel like you take me for a complete fucking idiot. He doesn’t deny it instead going well you said didn’t have the keys so i didn’t know what that meant.

He doesn’t see me as smart or an adult or even remotely successful in any aspect of my life. I don’t see myself as an adult either but having other people see you as what is essentially an overgrown 12 year old is not the same as flawed perception. I don’t feel like an adult at all. But that confirms it i guess, he doesn’t see me as one either. I dont think any of relatives do, in fact I think they see some piece of useless shit who has chosen not to grow up. Thats not who I am, im trying but when you come from a family that refuses or just will not help you when you need it in the name of teaching you some existential long term lifelong lesson then yeah you tend to do the easy stuff forever bc the hard stuff has to be done by yourself and no one else effectively increasing the difficulty. They don’t understand why I try to do everything myself but its because if I ask for help I wont get it. Ive tried multiple times over and the people around me refuse to. They claim they do not and that they have never done anything like that but I fucking remember. The other day my father stated that he never spanked or laid a hand on me as a kid. Thats bullshit because I remember being told I was going to be spanked with a belt and i remember being spanked with it. He swears he never did though. Everything I remember is written off as a lie and everything he says is supposedly right. I know its not but even just now I wondered for a split second if those memories were real. That scares me.

I want to attempt moving but it needs to be far and it needs to be permanent. It scares me though. I don’t have many friends and the few I do have live here. Im trying getting out but I haven’t been many places yet because i’ve been busy or i’m just a little to scared to drive there. I have to keep trying though. And Ill try online too because It might be easier there. Im scared and it’ll take time and a lot of money but I also don’t want to run from getting my degree. I can get my bachelors I know it. My associates is in reach just one more semester and my bachelors just 2 years after. Im so close but I don’t know if I can stand it. I have no privacy, no confidence, no ability to try and be on my own. Everything I do is heard or seen or intruded on by them. Its awful and I don’t want to live like this anymore. For too long I haven’t been able to be myself and to this day I still can’t. Small amounts have been able to shine through but not my full self. The small amounts have helped but i think after 22 years wanting to be who you really are is a pretty small ask.

i didnt want to start this blog this way. Its not interesting nor is it necessary but I needed a quiet place to clear my mind and no one knows about this account so it worked out just fine. I would tell some of my friends but I dont want to burden them and the one I would tell wouldn’t side with me. Her parents have done everything for her, her entire life and shes only had to deal with small things. Very few big things. She has support that Ive never had and so she sees the world much differently than me. She would say that well I should have called him first and that I should have double and triple checked where I parked to ensure that didnt happen. I think she would at least. But i’m new to driving and I didn’t know, plus her old apartment didn’t have dedicated visitor parking. I digress though as it doesn’t matter in the end I guess.

Im a disappointment I know I am. I have anime girls over everything I own practically and I sleep with body pillows. I know that my hours spent gaming are not productive but they make me happy and comfortable which is something that hasn’t happened in a while for me. They have always been my passion and hobby and interest. That will never change and I will continue enjoy them and dedicate time and money to them. For some however this makes me a failure of a human being and they begin to grow disappointed in me and what ive become. Too bad I guess. I do my best to love a healthy life and incorporate the things i love but some would rather see me ditch them to live the way they want. I dont want that though. Ive never been allowed to indulge in my hobbies or pursue my interests and now that I can i’m not stopping. I want to do so in peace and around people who I can enjoy them with.

There’s just no one like that here, so I want to run. I want to be as far away as possible and drop contact completely. They had years to try and be caring and understanding. To get to know their own kid to get to know their grandkid in a way that was meaningful and not just oh he likes some anime or something I dont know. Take the time to actually listen when I try to explain whats wrong or why Im mad or sad or just listen in general. But they don’t and i’ve tried too many times. I can be as calm and rational as can be or emotionally unstable but nothing makes it better. They just don’t listen and they don’t listen because they don’t care. They never have because if they did they would attempt they would try they would do their best to understand but they don’t. They tell me well that doesn’t make sense or well i don’t get it and then continue with so i don’t get why you feel that way. I dont either man! Emotions are fucking abstract and I cant always pinpoint why I am a certain way and I explain that im not sure but you demand an answer and I don’t give one because there isnt one and we fight. It sucks and im tired of it. So im gonna leave not now but sometime. Mark my words, i have been getting better and more confident in myself but there is still work that needs to be done and I will begin taking steps to do it. My life should have started years ago but I guess it starts now

Im sorry this is such an emotional and pretty personal post for this blogs first post but I needed a sanctuary and Ive returned to an old one I created. I think i need time to myself for the week. Ill be here and in my own discord server but I don’t want to interact with anyone for a while. If you read my melodramatic post in full thank you I really appreciate it. Its nice to be heard out even when you are just spouting all this information and not making it easy to follow along. Ill be posting art here and my thoughts about whats happening in life and my interests. Hopefully this blog becomes a sanctuary for others as well.

- :3 Josh/Lilith

[miikewazowski]

fog

no one tells you what to prepare for when you start over. when you COMPLETELY start over. new state, new surroundings, new faces, new house, new room, new schedule. it’s scary. im almost positive i was happier when i was miserable. im definitely not happy now. i dont know what i am. but these arent happy tears. and they dont stop. i miss my routine. thats just me being selfish. i think i would feel better if my mum was here. sometimes i wish we just stuck together. but thats too easy. i try to keep telling myself this is all character development. if the demons dont catch me first, i’ll be one hell of a person when im settled. because all this pain cant be for nothing right? it has to matter for something. i wish i could time travel. skip to 3 months from now. thats how long, on average, it takes for anyone to settle. 3 months from now we’ll have a routine. 3 months from now i’ll have a job. 3 months from now i wont feel like a stranger here. 3 months from now i wont feel useless. people tell me to relax while i can. that this is an impromptu vacation. no, this is a series of unfortunate events. he scarred me so bad that i left the only safe place i have ever known. granted it brought me closer to family, but i’ve been on my own for some time now. and moving in with family thats already settled, makes me feel even more out of place. i sound ungrateful. it’s just my demons talking shit again. believe me im grateful we are here safe. theres just a small part of me that really doesnt want to be anywhere at all sometimes.

i cant see much right now. my future is foggy. i have no choice but to fumble my way forward at this point. one day at a time i suppose.