#fun fact about me i have 2 pet goats | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

voidsumbrella · 1 year

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ough now im thinking about my/my family's pets. it seems to be a running trait of spontaneously adopting exotics and frantically having to go all out for their care and keeping. we have some. wild vet bills.

this post is. a lot longer than i thought i would be jfc im putting this under a cut.

childhood list:

lucy, ella, and snowflake were our birds- lucy was older than me by several years and hated my guts for stealing my mom's attention from her, ella was the world's sweetest conure who we adopted approximately 5 seconds after meeting her at the rescue she was at, and snowflake was supposed to be my first pet but asking a 5 year old to socialize a bird who's species is notoriously skittish was kind of a tall ask, so he was more or less my mom's.

maddie and bleu were our pygmy goats, we ostensibly got them as livestock for brush clearing purposes, but they were pretty much pets.

2 fishtanks, one of which was my mom's and one of which was mine (for realsies this time). my mom veers towards schooling fish, but i had a bigass goldfish named diamond who i loved despite him being boring as fuck.

i also had sole responsibility over two gerbils, dos and ashey. not at the same time, i got ashey a couple years after dos died. they didn't like being handled much, so aside from some affection after weekly cleaning they mostly just hung out and made scuttling noises while i was trying to sleep.

fred was a tree frog who was accidentally brought up with my grandma's orchids when she moved from florida, and like, what were we supposed to do, let him die?? so we set up a tank.

all of them have since died- bleu died of old age at a respectable 13, as did the gerbils (though those were on the lower end bc 9 year old me didn't have as much access to proper small animal care resources, and mostly just followed pet store advice which is by and large: fucking useless). snowflake lived to be quite elderly, but got cancer and i think that's what did it. fred lived a year or so after moving in, but we don't really know what happened there, he just was dead one day.

diamond im still kind of mad about- my neighbor petsat while we were on vacation, and she ignored the instructions and overfed him badly, which tanked the water quality, and we returned to a fish actively suffocating. she didn't mean to, she was incredibly upset and super sorry, but like. she still killed my fish.

(this did result in a moment that i think defines my dad- he constantly protested how many pets we had and how much of a hassle it was to take care of them all, but while my mom and i were frantically changing the water and cleaning the tank, he got a tupperware of fresh water and gently moved diamond back and forth in it to force clean water into his gills. he gave cpr to a fish he didn't really like because my mom and i cared about it. i love my dad a lot.)

maddie actually died after only a couple months- we had followed the advice we had gotten for putting them on a runner, like, attached to a cable so they could wander around a set area but wouldn't run off into the street or anything, bc it wasn't viable at the time to fence a large area in, and we didn't want to use like shock collars or anything. her a bleu got into a scuffle, which is super normal goat behavior, and the cable got wrapped around her neck. we did not use the runner again. bleu got kind of doted on after that.

lucy died of tuberculosis. fun fact: birds can get tuberculosis. we spent months driving her back and forth to the only decent avian vet in the area getting her treatment or at least shit to make her more comfortable. in the middle of all that, ella choked on a piece of food and died extremely suddenly. then lucy died like a week later. im still kind of upset about it.

we did say we were Not getting any more pets after that, especially no more parrots- we had mom's fishtank, bleu was still alive at the time, and that was it we were done. this lasted about 8 months.

second group:

ike, the rose breasted cockatoo, who is the darling of the household and the reason why none of us are allowed to hold any birds at any pet stores unless we are actively shopping for a bird.

quincy, bibi, and kiwi, three budgies who were ostensibly my sister's but my mom was fully aware going in that these were not going to be the 7 year old's responsibility.

angel, who was given to us by a neighbor- she had belonged to her mother in law, who could no longer take care of her, but she was not Remotely socialized bc her father in law thought it was funny to wave his hands at the cage to scare her, so she was terrified of hands, which made her a bit hard to train. my mom is very good with birds, tho, so she wound up coaxing angel into liking her. only her, tho, the rest of us got bit.

we got a flock of guinea hens somewhere in here, but those were genuinely livestock instead of pets.

karma and nermal, our first cats! karma was from a litter of kittens a local feral cat had under one of the outbuildings, and got left behind when the mom noticed us monitoring her and ditched. nermal (young but an adult) showed up a year or so later, and my dad (who is allergic to cats, doesn't want cats, loudly protested the adoption of karma,) was like I Must Tame The Feral Cat. so then we had two cats.

theo, george, and tessa were our second go around for goats, because we do have a lot of brush to clear out, and used goat bedding makes really good compost. they were netherland dwarfs this time, not pygmies.

this ran through late high school, which means that some of this shit can probably be fact checked in my tumblr archive if you look really hard lmao. the pet lifespan timeline is going to blur a bit when i was at college, but:

we still have ike and he is still the household beloved!

kiwi died shortly after we got her and i don't actually know what happened there. bibi and quincy lived through old age, and only died a couple years ago. angel died due to egg laying complications, after yet another round of "hour long drives back and forth to the bird vet for several weeks."

karma was the runt of her litter and had some problems with her organ functions, and we had to put her to sleep a fewyears ago when her kidneys failed- i think she was 9 or 10. nermal died a couple years after we got him, we don't know why. he wasn't injured or visibly sick, but he was an outdoor cat please do not outdoor cat discourse at me, trust me, i know so like. it could have been anything tbh.

theo george and tessa got killed by a bear. we do not usually have bears in the area, and thought the fencing we had was sufficient. apparently not. we have also stopped keeping guineas after losing the bulk of the flock to what we suspect was a tag team of a weasel and a fox- we couldn't manage to get their house secure enough to keep them out, so birds are on hold until we get a new setup entirely.

modern group:

achilles and patroclus, adopted barn cats bc karma spent 90% of her time lounging in the sun and didn't do any hunting, which meant the mouse problem came back after nermal died. also my sister is weak to the charms of kittens and makes very good puppy eyes at my parents.

camille (cami), the first bird i got after moving out of my parent's house for college. she was fucking perfect.

the button quail- this was a mistake, we unanimously fell for the trap of cute videos on the internet because the babies are tiny and the adults are also very small and cute. we incubated 26 eggs with an estimated 25% hatch rate, and got 24 birds out of it. we managed to adopt out 17 of them, i kept four in my apartment, and my parents kept 3 at home.

latte and sybil!! latte was the first pet i adopted with my wife, after they went "i would love to have a holland lop" and i went ok we can do that. get in the car there's one at a shelter 3 hours away. lets go. sybil was adopted from the same shelter after i got an urgent call for fosters because they had something like 30 rabbits dumped on them and the larger shelter they partnered with fucked them over. we had been looking into getting a companion for latte anyway so we fostered her until she was old enough to get fixed and then adopted her fully.

dionysus, who was a betta fish and hallmark of a fun lack of impulse control on my part. i got gripped with the need to rescue him from the stack of shit-tier cups at petco because he still looked healthy enough to recover. wonderful dude tho, i hand fed him bloodworms with tweezers :)

rupert, my sister's corn snake, who is a flawless specimen. 10/10, no notes.

latte and sybil are, of course, still around, as are rupert and patroclus. we think achilles got electrocuted somehow, we literally don't know how. dionysus had chronic fin rot- don't buy fish from petco- which i religiously treated and he died of old age a few years back. my four button quail died after a year and a half, partly because i had all girls and their life expectancy is only like 2 years, partly because i was too depressed to be taking care of that many pets and also handle college. lessons on knowing your limits. my parent's three- hamilton, burr (parent's choice- the musical had just come out), and hinata (sister's choice, she really likes sports anime)- all lived past the standard maximum lifespan, and hamilton is still alive and kicking. today!

cami flew out the window and i never found her. im still upset about this.

which brings us to contemporary era:

cleopatra, a cat we adopted from a shelter after achilles died because patroclus was being concerningly listless. we were told she was too unfriendly to be an indoor pet and could really only ever be a barn cat, and that is not remotely the case. im trying to convince my dad to let my sister take her when she moves out, she would be miles happier indoors.

buster, baby, and buddy, 3 whites tree frogs we got for my sister that mostly belong to my mom. baby and buddy got a fungal infection and after another run around of frantically trying to get to an exotics vet who would treat frogs and learning how to give medication to amphibians via injection, both died. we still got buster tho, and we're trying to find a frog roughly his size as a companion.

percy and mary shelley, two african giant millipedes my wife got! they're neat, they're also nocturnal and i almost never see them.

fishtank that was planned to have cherry shrimp, neon tetras, and kuhli loaches, but presently only has kuhlis and a fuckload of snails, because all my shrimp died for unknown reasons, and i stalled long enough on getting the tetras that my loaches started breeding, and i will Not be fucking up my chances of seeing baby noodles on the regular.

my mom still has her fishtank as well! she's setting up a quarantine tank so she can add angelfish.

robespierre/robi/bastard of my life, my green cheek conure who my mom got me after cami left because she was worried about my mental health. he spent half the time i was writing this trying to burrow under the laptop, and then pulled the esc key off and i had to put him back on his cage. he stayed there for like 15 minutes and then walked across the floor back to the bed and i am actively having to shoo him away from the keyboard as we speak. i love him so much.

#real life mango #home full of creatures home full of plants home full of people i love #is the key to having any sort of mental health at all for me #pet death discussion/////

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thedaemonicangel · 1 year

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I posted 1,651 times in 2022

That's 1,594 more posts than 2021!

30 posts created (2%)

1,621 posts reblogged (98%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@ameba-from-space

@neriine

@spectra-bear

@gummy-goat-galaxy

@a-time-traveling-whovian

I tagged 19 of my posts in 2022

#batman - 3 posts

#no - 2 posts

#batfam - 2 posts

#jason todd - 2 posts

#red hood - 2 posts

#do i know why we're kungpowpenising this hoe - 1 post

#william afton - 1 post

#damian wayne - 1 post

#duke thomas - 1 post

#stephanie brown - 1 post

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#but to the day i'll die i hold it in my heart that lilo is a feral goblin who saw ablue dog that broke laws of physics and was like oh worm

My Top Posts in 2022:

I think a lot about how much emotion plays into all art. Everything from video games to paintings to music. Now, to be good, a piece doesn't need to have any emotions. A fruit bowl painted well is still a good painting. Call of duty clone 18 is still fun. But it's emotions that make all the difference. A piece of art with that ability to convey any emotion, raw and primal makes all the difference. A painting's ability to convey joy. A song's ability to touch your soul with grief. A game's ability to fill you with despair at the plight of some pixels on a screen. A movie's ability to pluck at your very soul and ignite wrath. That's what makes art beautiful. That's what makes art Great.

14 notes - Posted March 17, 2022

This is a direct callout post for @gummy-goat-galaxy who's big ass head is the reason my arm is asleep

21 notes - Posted May 7, 2022

My favorite thing about Tumblr is how there's no spam filters. Literally nothing is stopping me from re-blogging a post 30 times

31 notes - Posted September 27, 2022

Was re-watching supernatural when I noticed something

Both Sam and Dean interact with this cashier on different days. When Sam interacts with him he’s wearing some plain button up shirt. When Dean interacts with him he’s wearing THIS

THEY HAD HIM WEAR A RED HOOD SHIRT WHILE TALKING WITH THE VOICE ACTOR FOR RED HOOD

50 notes - Posted March 16, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

REALLY want a story with the justice league where the villain has some power that uses their loneliness against them. superman gets fucked up because he’s the last kryptonian man, wonder woman gets hit with the fact that she’s a demigod while all the other themyscarians are normal-ish, GL is the loneliness of space, aquaman the loneliness of a king. It all comes down to batman, Mr. I work alone, Mr. We’re a team, not friends, so they all think the fight is over. then batman just ignores every single attack and beats the stuffing out the dude. everyone is rightfully confused, and he just hits them with “vengeance is never alone.” then vanishes. The whole team is speculating on what kind of cryptid he is, or what his deal is

hard cut to Bruce Wayne hanging out with his dadler and his 14 children and his 6 pets

8,005 notes - Posted April 3, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#I don't use tags and I'm not going to start now

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flowercrown-bard · 3 years

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Started out rocky, now they’re both cocky

(Part 3 of the rooster!Jaskier series, but it’s not necessary to read the other parts. All you need to know is that Jaskier is a rooster and he’s here to cause chaos)

word count: 3378

content warnings: innuendos, use of the word “cock”

part 1 part 2

AO3 (here Jaskier is called Dandelion, bc I think this has more game!Danelion vibes)

Jaskier had often imagined what it would be like to spend the winter at Kaer Morhen. In his mind, there had been no doubt that he would sweep into a deep bow, announcing his presence to the witchers residing there with a confident grin and eloquent words.

Alas. As fate – or, in this case a very insistent Geralt – would have it, Jaskier was unable to do either of these things. His words had been replaced by crowing, charming someone with a smile was most definitely impossible if one had a beak and an ugly lappet beneath one’s chin. And as for sweeping into a low bow – well, it would look rather silly if a rooster were to bow and he was beneath making an idiot of himself. That’s what Valdo Marx was for and he would not lower himself to that imbecile’s standards.

A less obvious, though no less important reason why Jaskier was not going to present himself the way he normally would have, was simple: To do so, he’d have to stop letting Geralt carry him. Though, now that he thought about it, he wasn’t so certain anymore, whether Geralt was carrying him because why wouldn’t he carry his dearest friend? Or if he did it so he could have a hold on Jaskier and prevent him from running away and wreaking havoc again.

Which was, of course, preposterous and also rather hypocritical of him. After all, the whole reason why Jaskier was here in the first place – and in this undignified form at that – was so he could fulfil Geralt’s wishes and use his unique talents and talons to destroy the room of one of Geralt’s brothers, a task that he was more than willing to take upon himself.

Still, it would have been much appreciated if Geralt had made sure that the other witchers welcomed him as well, or at the very least knew who he was, instead of ignoring him mostly while they greeted Geralt. Truly, it was a marvel that the witcher who welcomed Geralt at the gate didn’t pay any special attention to Jaskier. Not that he needed the attention per se, but it would have been nice and, well, there was a reason why he wasn’t used to people ignoring him. He was a delight! And no one could tell him that the sight of Geralt warming his hands by burying them in the feathers of an exceptionally beautiful and sophisticated rooster wasn’t a sight worth being paid attention to.

Filled with righteous indignation, Jaskier fluttered his wings and pecked a little at Geralt’s fingers, when he had been ignoring Jaskier way too long – not that any amount of ignoring Jaskier would have been acceptable - in favour of talking to the fetching witcher wearing red leather. Eskel, if Jaskier wasn’t mistaken, and as everyone knew, he was never mistaken.

The action earned him a small tightening of Geralt’s arms around him that had him squawking indignantly, but at least, Eskel now looked at him. Jaskier did his best to preen and exude an air of sophistication. For a blissful moment it seemed that he had indeed thoroughly charmed the witcher. Eskel’s face lit up, he reached out and –

“Sir!” Jaskier tried to shout, but his voice contorted his outraged outcry to a crow.

How- the audacity of – what did Eskel think gave him the permission to just pet Jaskier as if he was but an animal? Oh, how dare he…

Oh. Oh. No, actually, it was quite a nice sensation having strong hands caress his head and down his feathered back as gently as a lovesick poet would run their fingers over a flower. Quite nice indeed. He could get used to this.

To his shame – but really, who could fault a bard for seeking a little innocent pleasure in being touched by a handsome man? – Jaskier leaned into the touch. Thank all the gods that he hadn’t been turned into a cat, or else he might have had to suffer the indignity of starting to purr under the well-deserved attention.

For a brief, blissful moment, all was perfect. Until -

“He will get along well with Lil’ Bleater,” Eskel said. “You think we can put them into the stable together?”

And that was just – no! Oh no no, dear witcher. A pretty face and a soft touch would not be enough to save him from Jaskier ‘s outrage.

Expectantly, Jaskier turned his head to Geralt, his most beloved friend, the man who had rescued him countless times from the clutches of those who meant him or his reputation harm. Surely, now would be the perfect time for Geralt to come to his aid once more and defend his honour. Certainly he would –

“Hmm.”

Oh that bastard! This was no disagreeing or scolding hum. This hmm, accompanied by a sly smirk and a mischievous twinkle in Geralt’s eyes was very decidedly not the support that Jaskier was looking for.

Jaskier nipped Geralt’s fingers again, but that only served to make the witcher grin even wider. Together with Eskel, Geralt walked through the gate and towards the entrance hall, giving Jaskier a shit-eating grin when they passed the stables and making a comment about how in there, no one would hear the rooster’s morning crow.

He better just be teasing. As tasteless of a joke as this was, Jaskier might find it in himself to forgive Geralt for the threat of making him sleep in a stable with a goat.

As they walked, Geralt kept petting him absentmindedly, which was admittedly nice. Jaskier could live with being used as a glorified hand-warmer, if it came with the luxury of being carried around and getting pressed against a strong man’s chest.

Even better than that, though, was the look the old witcher, who Geralt greeted with the name Vesemir, gave Geralt, when they met him in the great hall. The way his eyes wandered from Geralt’s face down to where he was stroking his rooster marked him as a man who had lost all faith in Geralt.

A younger witcher with slicked back hair, who must be the infamous Lambert, the very reason why Jaskier was here, snickered behind Vesemir’s back.

“Looks like I’m officially the superior brother now,” he said with a grin. “The only one whose best friend isn’t a farm animal.”

“Your best friend is a cat,” Geralt deadpanned.

“A handsome cat that would claw your pretty face off if he heard you taking shit about me.”

Lambert’s grin looked infuriatingly smug. Jaskier didn’t know this cat they were speaking of, but one thing should never be questioned: He was the farm best animal friend. Even if he wasn’t really an animal or – he shuddered at the thought – living on a farm. But how dare Lambert imply that a cat could be better than a rooster? He gave Lambert his best menacing glare, which fell rather flat, considering he was a damned bird, currently snuggling against Geralt.

As was to be expected, which didn’t mean Jaskier didn’t take offence to it, Lambert ignored him. “What’s his name anyway? I sure hope it’s not Roach.”

If he had been able to snicker, Jaskier would have done so. Lambert might be a cock – oh, who was Jaskier to judge such a thing? – but it was nice to see that the bard wasn’t the only one who would relentlessly tease Geralt for his inability to come up with good names.

“Eskel has his Little Bleater,” Lambert added, his grin turning downright devious. “So, pretty boy, you have…a Little Cock?”

Little? Little?

The gall of that man! Jaskier was anything but small, thank you very much. But then again, Jaskier couldn’t shame a man for showing such a great understanding of wordplay, especially when he used his talents to tease Geralt.

Oh, who was he kidding? He liked Lambert.

Between his unexpected appreciation for the youngest witcher and the urge to make himself seem bigger than he was, Jaskier nearly missed Geralt’s answer. It was exactly the sort of reply one would expect. Except…Geralt did not correct Lambert regarding the fact that Jaskier was an animal.

Now, here’s the thing. Jaskier loved his witcher with all his heart. Geralt was his best friend in the whole wide world and he would never exchange him for anyone, as much of a smug bastard as he could sometimes be. But by the gods, why oh why, did Jaskier ‘s best friend have to be a man who didn’t have the presence of mind to just, oh, I don’t know, tell his family that the rooster he was bringing with him was a cursed human? There was no doubt that Geralt had told his brothers and father of Jaskier before, for how could he not? Jaskier was a great subject to talk about. Surely, Geralt couldn’t be worried about them not accepting him in their midst.

A quick glance at him – Jaskier preferred not to think about how strange a rooster turning his head nearly upside down and giving a stink eye must look – made it quite clear that he was, in fact, not worried at all. Instead, Geralt was up to something.

Jaskier glared at him, as if staring might let him read Geralt’s thoughts, provided Geralt knew how to use his mind to think.

Perhaps his plan was to give Jaskier the best possible way to get attention by only introducing him once he was back in his dashing human form? Oh, that would be marvellous! After all, if there was one thing Jaskier was good at – well, there were numerous things, of course, but we shall ignore that for the sake of the dramatic – it was making an impression. He had to commend his friend for being so thoughtful as to grant him such an opportunity, unless…

Oh, Jaskier knew that look on Geralt’s face. He was having far too much fun with this. A suspicious amount of fun even. It would almost make one think that all this had never been solely about Lambert’s room at all. If Jaskier hadn’t known any better, he might even be inclined to think that Geralt was taking delight in letting Jaskier stay cursed.

Well. If that was the case, Jaskier would make sure that Geralt would delight not much longer in that.

He let out an ear-piercing shriek that had Geralt flinch and unfortunately squeeze him a little uncomfortably.

“What’s wrong, Jaskier?” He asked, as if he didn’t know fully well the magnitude of what he was doing.

Before Jaskier could answer, well, whatever equivalent of answering he could do in this form at any rate, Lambert spoke up again.

“Jaskier?” He cooed. “How sweet. You miss your bard so much that you call your rooster by his name? Who would have thought the White Wolf could be so soft-hearted. Watch out or Roach will get jealous if she learns that you found a new love.”

“Lambert,” Geralt growled, though whether he was defending his own reputation as a stoic, brooding loner – ha! As if anyone could look at him and believe him to be such a thing! – or if he was outraged at the thought that anyone could take Roach’s place in his heart, Jaskier couldn’t tell. It was likely a mixture of both.

“Oh, so you don’t miss your bard?” Lambert lifted an eyebrow. “Is it perhaps just a certain bodypart of his that you miss? I guess then it would make sense why you gave his name to the cock.”

Lambert turned away from Geralt before he could come up with a reply, but before he had his back fully to Geralt, Lambert caught Jaskier’s eye and he winked.

Oh. Oh ho ho, he knew. That sly bastard. Evidently, Lambert was the only witcher who knew how to use his brain and seen through the curse and Geralt’s admittedly poor attempt at making it seem as if the extraordinary and overall splendid rooster was but a normal bird and now Lambert was fucking with Geralt.

And – now, listen. Jaskier had been looking forward to destroying Lambert’s room. There was nothing like joining forces with a friend to mess with someone who annoyed them. Well, the biggest pleasure Jaskier knew came from proving once again that he was more talented than Valdo Marx, but that was a given, so it shall not be mentioned further. The point was that Jaskier would have done as Geralt had asked of him.

But now, with this new knowledge that Lambert apparently shared the same ambition as Jaskier to become the biggest nuisance he could be, he couldn’t possibly work against him. Jaskier could recognise a kindred spirit if he saw one. Reading people and recognising his own greatness in others was one of his countless talents. The last and perhaps only time he had met such a kindred soul before, had been in his first year at Oxenfurt at the admission exam, when Valdo Marx had immediately singled out Jaskier as the one who could be the biggest threat to his career. As loathe as Jaskier was to admit it, he too had recognised a certain talent in the other bard and they had both decided to make it their lives’ mission to not let the other top them.

Jaskier had not regretted that decision a moment in his life, but even he had to admit that said rivalry was the reason why he was now a rooster and delightful as that could be, he could have done well without it.

So, he would not make the mistake of antagonizing a congenial person again. At least not know. Who was to say what the future held? The important part was, that for now, for once in his life, Jaskier was going to be the bigger person.

He waited until the moment was right, a feat greater than any he had ever faced before. As virtuous as he was, being patient was not one of Jaskier’s strong suits. Still, once night had fallen and Geralt had thankfully not made true of his promise to put him in the stables, he snuck out of Geralt’s room, searching for Lambert’s instead.

Lambert, of course, was already waiting for him, a cocky smile on his face and his arms crossed in a way that meant business.

He greeted Jaskier with the fateful words “You gonna help me mess with Geralt?” and obviously, there was only one possible answer to that.

It was thrilling having an ally in his mission to create chaos and take revenge on those that had slighted him. And, oh, how Geralt had slighted him!

The first step of their however-many-steps-they-would-get-away-with-plan was simple: Jaskier was supposed to take a nap. In Geralt’s bed. Specifically, in his hair, creating a nest out of it.

Now, Jaskier was no craftsman for any craft that didn’t involve the spoken word, but he did so love to make himself comfortable. So that was what he did. Snuggling into Geralt’s hair and masterfully rearranging the strands with his beak until they could well and truly be considered a mess.

And then, as always, Jaskier woke Geralt up in his new favourite way. One would have thought that Geralt would have gotten used to Jaskier crowing into his ear at the top of his lungs. But no. Geralt grimaced and grabbed his pillow to throw it at his tragically underappreciated companion. The feathers flying through the room were not only those from the pillow.

So naturally, Jaskier started complaining. Loudly. Loud enough to, as a completely arbitrary example, signal a different witcher whose room was down the hallway that their plan was in motion.

Before Geralt could find another pillow to throw at him, Jaskier grabbed Geralt’s breeches that the witcher had unceremoniously dropped to the floor the past night and dragged them towards the door.

Cursing, Geralt chased after him, wearing nothing but his underthings. Had Jaskier been alone, he would have gotten caught, no doubt, but the door flung open just in time for him to dash through and just before Geralt could reach him, Lambert, who had been lying in wait, scooped Jaskier up and ran down the stairs and outside, cackling like a hen, while Jaskier let out a triumphant crow that was somewhat muffled by the breeches still firmly held in his beak.

Geralt was catching up to them quickly, but Lambert and Jaskier had one rather obvious advantage: There were two of them.

Lambert dropped Jaskier unceremoniously, leaving him to flutter his wings to land somewhat elegantly – oh, who was he kidding? He plummeted to the ground like a stone - and they dashed into two different directions. For a precious moment, Geralt stood there frozen to the spot, surely contemplating which menace would be able to cause the greater chaos, if he didn’t catch him: The rooster with a godcomplex or Geralt’s little brother in possession of opposable thumbs.

Geralt, once more was forced to choose the lesser evil, but here is the thing: As it was so often the case, there was no correct choice to make.

While Lambert ran back to Geralt’s room to cause who knew what chaos, Jaskier ran towards the stables, and be it only for the dramatic irony.

Geralt must have chosen to follow Lambert and Jaskier was almost insulted, but it gave him the chance to take his time, pushing open the door to the stables and dragging the breeches inside. Just a little revenge for all the times that Geralt had made fun of Jaskier when he had been forced to run out of town without his breeches, since they had to be left in a lover’s rooms.

He dropped the breeches in Lil’ Bleater’s corner and watched with smug satisfaction as the goat immediately began munching on the breeches happily. Jaskier gave her a proud look and had they both been human, he would have kissed her hand in thanks. As it was, he was rather fond of his beak and he would not risk hurting it by kissing the goat’s hooves. Still, Lil’ Bleater lived up to her name, giving a happy little bleat that Jaskier chose to interpret as thanks for the delicious meal. How polite of her.

Who knew. Maybe they would become friends after all.

From somewhere in the keep, Jaskier could hear a bang and then a shout of disgust and had he been in possession of his luscious lips, would have made them split into the biggest, most self-satisfied grin, when Geralt’s voice continued cursing loud enough to be heard even where Jaskier was. To be fair, Geralt had probably opened the windows of his room. At least that was what Jaskier would have done in his stead to escape what Lambert had done to his room.

Well. Served Geralt right. No one could accuse Lambert of unoriginality and Jaskier was nothing if not petty.

Of course, the bomb that Lambert had set off wasn’t another moon dust bomb. Where would be the fun in that? No, Lambert and Jaskier had agreed, as much as a rooster and a witcher could agree, that they would be gracious and bring Geralt closer to what he loved the most: The sweet sweet smell of his cherished Roach. In this case, the smell of what Roach left behind, when she had eaten a lot.

There were more steps to their genius plan of creating chaos in the keep, one of which involved a fork, a strategically placed axii and the backside of whoever pissed Lambert off the most, and naturally there were endlessly more possibilities for improvisation.

Sadly, the other witchers, roused by the mayhem and possibly even the stench coming from Geralt’s room, didn’t seem to appreciate Lambert and Jaskier’s combined genius and they made sure to break the curse on Jaskier as soon as they got the change.

Now, there was only one fundamental flaw in that: For some unknown reason, the witchers hadn’t considered the fact that Jaskier’s personality hadn’t changed when he had become a rooster. They had no idea what they were in for, now that Jaskier had opposable thumbs again.

This would be a fun winter indeed.

#There's a bard lose in Kaer Morhen #jaskier #Geralt #geralt of rivia #Lambert #Eskel #rooster!Jaskier #cock!Jaskier #my writing #Hähnchen #witcher #witcher fic #fic #fanfic #feral!Jaskier #cursed!Jaskier #Jaskier&Lambert

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sh1tbird-shantytown · 3 years

Text

What’s with the Goats, Steve?

Billy had never actually been in the Harrington house. But he knew what the rest pretty much looked like. The red door, the rectangle windows, the big shed by the pool that held exercise equipment. The outside of house was chic. It was clean and well trimmed and pigmented. Something a wealthy boy like Steve would assumingly live in. Billy knew it all on the outside. But he’d never been inside the house. No matter how many times he’d dropped Steve off after their shifts at work. He’d never been invited in. And contrary to popular belief, Billy wasn’t one to normally barge into someone’s home without reason.

He was aware of the key under the little blue gnome out back. How Steve himself had started the little petunia garden out front. How the pool was cleaned but closed off and Steve wouldn’t even look at it. He even knew about the rabbit Steve had had as a little kid that was buried under the pine tree sapling. He also knew that the bunny’s name had been Checkers.

Steve was a talker what could he say. If you’d listen he’d babble on and on. Billy could be the same way, but listening to Steve Harrington’s fond memories was a little more to his liking. Oddly.

But recently the BMW had been in some nasty encounter with a buck and was, so far, permanently parked in the Harrington’s driveway with a shattered windshield and craters in the hood. He swore one of the headlights hung out slightly too.

Steve had been distraught for days. Billy had to actually ask Dustin to help them revive Steve’s dopey side. Not to mention how the thing had already begun to run out of luck after so many days of carpooling the kids and rolling over stray demodogs. So, Billy and Robin picked him up when he needed to be somewhere. It was mostly to and from work and it was usually Billy even though Robin and Steve worked at the same place.

By this point Billy was sure Robin already knew what was up. Billy knew he wasn’t subtle. But Steve was also very...dense. And he also couldn’t tell when a person was interested apparently. His technique throughout life had always been 1.) tease and flirt 2.) hope for good a response 3.) ask out 4.) relationship. While Billy’s had always been 1.) flirt 2.) wait for them to flirt back 3.) wait for them to make the next move and 4.) take it from there.

Billy had been making light and flirtations notions all week and Steve gave them right back with vigor. But it was taking Steve an awful long time to take the next step. Billy didn’t think he’d be able to do it himself. Didn’t want to lose what he had if things shifted the wrong way. Steve was just about the best friend Billy had ever had.

Billy stopped in front of Steve’s driveway per usual on a warm and breezy spring day in April.

Steve looked at his house and then back at Billy with a contemplative look to his eye, “You gonna drive up the rest of the way?”

Billy stared back blankly, “You can’t walk?”

Steve rolled his eyes, “I did track, give me some credit.” Billy shook his head and then swerved into the driveway, Steve just barely missed hitting his head on the window. He then leaned back in the car right after stepping out, “Uh, wait.” Billy felt slightly disappointed about being in front of Steve in that brief moment. “I thought I mentioned us hanging out today—“

“Mentioning and asking aren’t the same thing, Harrington,” Billy reminded. He did this often. Steve would say the most generic things, a mere flutter of words in a conversation, but would then take it to heart and you’d be slammed with sudden plans. Just the other day he’d said he was hungry and then twenty minutes later Billy had been forced into driving them to the Dairy Queen outside of town.

“Oh come on,” Steve whined and pulled at Billy’s leather jacket sleeve, “We both have tomorrow off finally! You can sleep over, it’ll be fun. You’re fun, Billy, let’s have fun, come on.” He gave one last tug and then exited the car. Based on the speed he spoke and the uncontrollable smile Steve had, Billy could tell something was up. But it was also cute and Billy was a sucker when Steve was like that. Unfortunately Steve was almost always cute so there wasn’t much of a win win sort of thing.

“Alright, alright, I’m coming,” he put the car in park, grabbed the key, and jogged after Steve. Steve unlocked the door in a rush with the jangle of his own set of keys. Before he opened the door he turned back with his hand in the handle.

“Oh, I should probably warn you, um...” Steve bit his lip and glanced at the door. Billy was laser-focused on that magenta, plush lip and then...there was yodeling. Yodeling?

Billy looked at the door in shock, “Harrington, what was that?” Instead of answering Steve turned the doorknob and gestured to two goats galloping towards them. One had a fully black, silky coat while the other was spotted like a cow. Their little, blunt horns worried Billy so he stepped in front of Steve a little swing of motion. The goats skidded to a stop straight in front him and just stared up.

“I think they like your hair,” Steve commented over his shoulder. The animals were, in fact, staring at Billy’s head. He stepped around and Billy had to stop himself from pulling him back just in case. Steve picked up the spotted goat and started rubbing its back. “Billy,” he lifted the goat up to Billy’s focus, “This is Joe. He loves chewing shirts so heads up. And this,” Steve let the submissive goat go and picked up the other one, “Is Remy,” he scratched the white spot of fur between the horns gently. “She likes buttercups and gnawing on hair especially so watch your head. She’s a jumper.” As of to prove his point Remy licked Steve’s chin and leaped down from Steve’s loose hold with impressive height.

For a lack of better words Billy asked in awe, “What’s with the goats, Steve?��

Harrington rubbed the back of his neck and let out a sort of giggle, “Well. I got lonely after Starcourt and the doctor said that a pet might help me with the PTSD or...something.” Suddenly Steve was sitting on the floor with the two goats at either side awaiting his attention. “And some farmer was getting rid of the runts for fifteen bucks each! So I took these two, the last of ‘em.” Now Billy knew Steve was sugar coating some of those details.

He wasn’t just lonely after Starcourt. Robin had explained a few things that triggered Steve’s fight or flight responses. Things Steve himself would never think to tell. Billy couldn’t handle the sight of rats or tar. And the smell of bleach made him vomit instantly. Steve knew that all. But Robin was the one to sit down and tell Billy how Steve couldn’t have his hair pulled. Or the sight of needles made him horribly nauseous. And he got close to chronic migraines, specifically in the colder weather.

Billy knew Steve intentionally never mentioned the time Billy had found him with his bat prowling the junkyard. Or the woods on the southwest side of Hawkins. Or when Mike had found Steve stumbling on a route to check on all of them. Billy had had to pick him up from the Wheeler’s because he was so paranoid and fatigued that no one could calm him. But Billy had become an expert at bundling Steve Harrington in their sort of affection. It was the sharp kind that made things go back to mostly normal.

Billy sat down too, maybe a little too close. But who was counting? Billy understood though, “Been having trouble sleeping again?”

Steve sighed forlornly, “Yeah,” he answered stoutly. Billy hesitantly stroked Joe’s side as the goat inched closer and Remy nuzzled into Steve’s side.

“I better get dinner out of this,” he teased and looked at Steve.

That damn smile.

“How long have you had them?”

“About four weeks but they’re eight weeks old,” Steve smoothed down the fluffed up white fur that bunched up behind Remy’s ears.

“They spend all their time inside?”

Steve looked almost offended, “God, no. I built a little coral outside for them in the morning and in the evening. I only keep them inside when I’m not here and the weather’s bad or at night. The weatherman had said that it was going to rain ‘cats and dogs’ today.” He quoted with his fingers and looked dispraisingly at the big sliding doors that could be seen through into the living room.

Joe made a disruptive, ear sore of a ‘baah’ and climbed into Billy’s lap. Rather invasively. Billy, for fear of the kid loosing balance, hugged him securely in place. The dull horns dug into the underneath of his jaw annoyingly but the softness of the animal’s shiny coat was enough to suffice. Steve tilted his head as he watched this go by and grinned with a softness Billy had associated clouds with as a child.

“I think he likes you,” Steve stated proudly.

Billy let himself smirk as he rubbed down Joe’s back, “He’s alright too.”

Steve was silent for a minute and then he stood up, Remy galloping after him, “I’ll start supper while you go wash up. You’ve got grease and ketchup on your shirt and I think that’s lettuce in your hair.” Billy’s hand flicked up to his head to feel for the referred invader.

He found it and threw it, Joe scurried after it attentively, “The diner was busy today,” he excused himself. Steve pointed to a blue door on his way to the kitchen. Billy entered through it to walls filled with powder blue wallpaper flowers. It smelt like cinnamon and the walk-in shower had little navy colored tiles. Billy stared at the citrus shampoo and conditioner lined up on the little shelf in the shower. Steve’s hair smelt like citrus. Abundantly most of the time and Billy sometimes lost himself in the aroma. God he was done for. The guys hair sent him to his knees practically. It was mortifying.

He showered quick and when he stepped out from the foggy glass box he found a yellow Hawkins High sweatshirt and soccer shorts. Billy furrowed his brow before putting on the shorts. “Didn’t know Steve had played soccer,” he mumbled to himself before tugging the long string in the front. When he exited the bathroom and slowly searched for the kitchen doorway, he listened to what Steve was saying to his goats.

“I think he went a little overboard on the soaps. It smelt like a lemon meringue pie in there. Or maybe it always smells like that. Joe, don’t eat the lemon grass, that’s to go with the chicken!” Billy peaked in and watched as Steve chased Joe around the island while the goat kept a sprig of green in his mouth. Steve had a pink and black polkadot apron on that flapped as he jogged. Joe went to escape the room but Billy crouched and grabbed him in one fluid motion. When he stood up Steve forcefully came to a halt just in front of Billy. Steve’s brown eyes were sparking orbs. Billy blinked and grasped the lemongrass, waiting for the black goat to slacken his jaw.

“Here,” he held the herb up and Steve carefully took it, holding a bit of Billy’s own hand as he did so and pulled it away slowly. Steve smiled thankfully, gently flicked Joe’s nose, and returned to his cutting board where he continued slicing the chicken cutlets. Billy asked to help and Steve seemed to grow excited. “Oh, you can work on a salad, there’s a head of lettuce in the fridge, some carrots and cucumbers and tomatoes too.” Remy appeared right in front of the refrigerator as soon as Billy stepped up to it. Steve noticed, “Just nudge her away, she likes the cucumber and she always tries to steal it when I get anything else out of there.”

Billy toed at her, prodding her away, “I thought you hated tomatoes,” Billy mentioned as he took out everything Steve had mentioned. He dropped everything in his arms on the other side of the island to where Steve was focused on seasoning the chicken. He bit his bottom lip when he was focused. Billy stared.

“Uhm,” Steve mumbled distractedly, “Just cube it and pat it a little with a paper towel. I can handle them when they’re not so wet.” Billy nodded and grabbed a cutting board from the drying rack by the sink and a knife from the wood block. He worked as he did in the kitchen at the diner and had a salad tossed up just as Steve was putting the chicken in the oven.

The goats where nowhere to be seen and Billy felt unnerved by the sudden quite, “Where are they?”

Steve looked up from cranking a timer with a wide eyed look, “Who?”

Billy held back a chuckle, “Steve,” he grinned amusedly and shook his head as Steve hesitantly gave back a confused tilt to his head. “Where are your goats?”

“Oh!” Steve pointed to the living room where the two animals where lying and staring at a robin hopping outside the glass sliding doors. “They’re waiting to go out,” Steve explained and hurried over while untying the apron. He opened the door and both goats messily ran out into the dewy evening grass and over to the small but spacious corral that Steve had referred to earlier. It was simple wood fencing, not much more that four feet high. The goats seemed to not care for it though and neither did Steve in the moment. Because the goats where lazily chasing the robin down to the tree line until the bird flew up and out of sight.

Billy walked out to Steve’s side at the end of the patio. Steve shivered, it had rained a little, hence the cool dew in the grass, and the air was chilly. Billy felt fine but he knew how Steve got colder then most, even though the man ran hot most of the time. He was a similar way himself, was a human heater but almost never got cold. Billy didn’t really think about it before he did it. Just pulled Steve close into his side and hugged him around his torso with one arm. Steve didn’t show any resistance and only froze up for a millisecond before he leaned into Billy’s side comfortably.

The sun was half covered by the end of the tree line. Cosmic orange and yellow highlighted Steve’s features cinema-like as Billy watched him gaze at the goats chase each other. When Steve finally did crane his neck back to catch Billy’s eye, he found plainly that he’d already had it. Steve’s eyes shifted down for a second and Billy had just enough hope to think it was his lips Steve had willingly glimpsed at.

“Wanna go get some ice cream from Donna’s later?” Steve asked and Billy caught something knowing in the glimmer of Steve’s irises. Highlighted like aged honey from the sun.

He nodded, “Sounds nice.”

“It’s a date,” Steve stated decisively. A date. He turned back to clap for Remy, who had just successfully jumped over the small bin filled with a basketball, soccer ball, and rubber ball.

Which reminded Billy, “I didn’t know you played soccer.” Steve seemed taken aback at the sudden question, like he’d forgotten too.

“God,” he said and leaned into Billy more, “That feels like decades ago. Yeah, I played the summer before junior year. Wasn’t my thing, I was put in goalie all the time because I couldn’t dribble the ball and kept tripping over it and staining my uniform.” Billy chuckled and Steve joined him heartily. “My mother has a picture of my whole front covered in mud somewhere.”

“I’ve got to see that,” Billy loosely pinched Steve side, making him bundle over to try and protect himself. Steve yelped with ticklish spouts of laughter and Billy laughed with him. Steve’s laugh was like a bell, like the church bells that even the non-religious could find a meaning too. Even at almost twenty, Steve’s laugh made him seem so much younger. Like he wasn’t plagued with neglectful parents, monsters invading his hometown, and the memories of all too many unnecessary deaths. Billy’s own was rougher but Max had told him once that his laugh did the same thing. She told him that when he laughed he seemed thirteen again, when he had first met her, when his father had been nice and Max had been innocent enough for Billy to take care with every step towards her. When she made him laugh like he had just started remembering how to do now.

Steve leaned his head on Billy’s peck and sighed, “I don’t even know where it’d be. My mother might have it. I have a hunch she had a photo album with her.”

“How’d you figure that?” Billy settled his hand firmer against Steve’s hip.

“She calls sometimes when she’s drunk enough to let loose and tell me how she’s feeling. Seems she only remembers me when she’s intoxicated. She babbles about times when I was a kid.” Billy couldn’t see Steve’s expression but he almost assumed the man was smiling a little. Like he was okay and happy that his mother only called when she was drunker than a sailor. He was fine with the scraps he got. And Steve was never one to stick up for himself. Never one to actually complain about the muddy puddle he was stuck in. But Billy didn’t want to watch Steve become immune to that. And it was bad enough that he wasn’t even registering what’s right and wrong anymore. But maybe Steve was finally accepting the outcome his family’s path had lead to. Maybe Billy missed being selfish and now he was selfish for Steve.

“Why does she do that?” he asked and Steve didn’t respond for a moment. The goats started to chase each other around the corral, shadows deeper as the sun set a little more.

“She doesn’t trust my father so she’s always by his side. He cheated a couple years ago and she’s trying to keep a hold of him. She can’t leave him for more to an a day without worrying to bits and pieces.”

“And you’re fine with that?”

Steve sighed and shrugged over Billy’s arm, “I get it, I don’t like it, but I get it. I spent so much time doing the same to Nancy. I lost the game and I have a feeling she’ll lose eventually too. I guess...I never hang up because I want her to know, even if it’s in the back of her mind, that I’m here for her when she realizes it. When he finally makes the final blow.” Steve looked up and Billy couldn’t regret causing the loosing stance in Steve’s eyes. Because what he’d said was the truth. It was what he felt for real and that what Billy had wanted. But he did feel apologetic for pushing. Steve had a hard time talking about his family, anyone could be able to spot that much.

“That’s kind of you to offer her,” Billy said and stared back at Steve through both their eyelashes.

Steve shrugged again, “Yeah, well, one of us has got look out for someone.” Billy knew he was implying his own family. But he couldn’t help but connect Steve helping him through all the hurt Neil had caused. How Steve had definitely been there for people before. But this was different. Billy knew that. “And I’ve got the goats, I haven’t told Dad about them but Mom thinks it’s sweet as long as they don’t eat the furniture.” Billy smiled and leaned his chin atop Steve’s hair part. Steve sighed, a little tired and a little content, “This is nice.” Billy decided to take the next step, maybe Steve already had, but Billy was making his own leap.

He slowly stepped around Steve while still keeping him trapped in the embrace. He leaned forward till their noses touched and he ignored the slight tickle. Steve and him were mostly the same height, Billy only shorter by an inch or so. So Billy had the best sight of Steve’s dark, coffee bean eyes and the starkly gentle emotions they emoted. Neither of them looked anywhere else, no ones eyes looked away from the others. It was peaceful until Billy felt two somethings, he assumed were horns, ram into his calf. He shouted and stepped back from Steve so he could check his assaulted leg. The smooth, black coat that Billy had just been stroking earlier was now jumping in front of Steve like it was disturbed by the both of them. He made a low ‘baah’ towards Billy before chomping onto the hem of Steve T-shirt self riotously.

“Joseph!” Steve scolded, rather harshly, “How dare you,” he ripped his shirt out of the goats mouth and hurried over to Billy. Remy had remade her appearance, making herself known to Billy by licking his hand and making a sympathetic sounding ‘baah’ much different from her brother’s. Steve took Billy’s hand and rushed back inside, guiding the goats with him. Joe was reluctant and obviously in a fit of self pity, but Billy was sitting on the counter as Steve checked over the bruising area with extreme intent. “I’m sorry he did that, he’s not usually so violent.”

Billy snorted, he couldn’t help it, “I think he was just being protective of you.” He winced when Steve gingerly felt around the bruising dots.

He looked up sheepishly, “Sorry,” he stood up and gave a quick peck to Billy’s forehead affectionately. And if that where any other person Billy knew he’d probably be very confused. Even with almost kissing outside, Billy wasn’t quite surprised by Steve’s actions. Because Steve was always affectionate, he hugged and squeezed you when you hugged him like he loves you more than anything. He was just soft hearted like that, defrosted in a way most weren’t.

Steve returned with a bag of frozen peas, “Here, this’ll help,” he held it to the two dark purple circles on his leg. Billy ignored the cold and ran a hand through Steve hair calmingly. He told himself there was a tangle and he was just making sure Steve’s pretty head of high hair wasn’t catching snarls. Steve hadn’t used any hairspray that day, or at least very little. He was surprised by the light, softness to it. Steve closed his eyes and leaned into Billy’s hand by the third stroke of his hand.

“Steve,” Billy began, he didn’t continue until Steve opened his eyes and looked up at him, “Do you think the goats will ambush me if I try again.”

Steve’s lips curved up and he leaned his temple against Billy’s knee, “Nah, Remy will protect you. Promise it,” he put his hands on the counter on either side of Billy’s sides and pulled himself up to standing. The counter was tall so for once Billy was the one an inch or so taller. Steve didn’t close his eyes as he leaned in and neither did Billy. They stared a moment before they closed their eyes and their lips actually touched. And then they were pressed together from forehead to waist. Steve was warm and breathy and confident. It was more relieving than the cold against the bruises. Billy was actually the one to break first. He hadn’t even realized until he tasted salt. Steve looked panicked, “Are you okay?” Steve’s hands were in Billy’s hair, pushing it back soothingly.

Steve wiped the tear tracks and Billy coughed out emotion, “I never actually thought that would happen. For real. You— You kissed me.” Steve smiled as it dawned on him and hugged Billy. Just hugged him, nothing more, nothing less. Arms around torso and slightly stubbly chin against his jaw. Billy almost fell apart. He wrapped his own arms around Steve’s torso and clasped around him like a magnet.

“I’ll do it again later too,” Steve whispered after a very long moment. They both pulled away when they heard the clomping of small hooves. Remy was pushing Joe over to them with the flat of her head and the force of her side. She stood silent and stared at Joe for a long while, the white of her spots reflecting the last light of the evening. Joe stood on all fours and slowly inched his way over to Billy’s dangling legs and licked his knee before galloping off with a blow through his nose. Steve chuckled, “That’s his way of apologizing.” Billy raised a brow and watched as Remy made her way over, calmer than the other.

“Some apology,” he mumbled sarcastically and Steve laughed while putting his head on Billy’s shoulder.

Then the timer went off.

#steve harrington #billy hargrove #harringrove #steve and his goats #this is what you get for april from me #they’re pygmy goats btw #if you wanted some visual assistance

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sokka-with-his-hair-down · 3 years

Note

rate your favorite animals!

Ooh, fun!!

1. Dogs. I dunno what to say here. They’re just The Perfect Animal. Especially big fluffy dogs, like my dog! They’re soft, cute, friendly, loyal, and far too good for this world over all.

2. Horses. I was never really the horse-obsessed girl, but I did take horse riding lessons when I was in middle school and I’ve just always adored them. They’re pretty amazing.

3. Alpacas. I’ve pet many alpacas in my day (as well as llamas) and I gotta say, they’re so fun to be around. I love them. Soft, cute, and they spit at you significantly less than llamas do.

4. Lynx. They look!! So soft!! And they have giant paws!! And whispy ears!!

5. Birds. More specifically, pet birds. They’re so fun! And soft! And funny!

Fun fact about me: I can make pretty realistic animals sounds. I’d say my most impressive are horses, dolphins, goats, lions, cats, and dogs.

Thank you for the ask! 💛💛💛

#not atla #birds #dogs #alpacas #llamas #lynx #horses

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soyeahitsmiddleearth · 4 years

Text

Multi-Dimensional pt. 2

The Company x Reader

Trigger warning: reference to past domestic/animal abuse

Really angsty but funny at the beginning.

@barbar126

So when you finished your little '10 minutes alone in your house' test, you were actually pleasantly surprised to see everyone sitting around your living room and enjoying their tea and food without a fuss. They hadn't even taken their weapons back, and nothing was broken either.

After that, you realized that things were probably going to go well and you can afford relax a bit. Plus... free labor.

Around 5 or so days pass by without much incident (of course showing them how to use the bathroom was awful since they didn't seem to grasp the fact that the water just comes out of the showerhead and they don't need to fill anything... and that the water could actually be warm if they waited for 10 damn seconds).

You made the mistake of not telling the 'dwarf' known as Dwalin to wait while you got everything set up, and when you turned he had already been half-naked.

Suffice to say, you screamed so loud that a bunch of those 'dwarves' came running over with weapons drawn and everything.

You're going to have to make a spray bottle and spritz them when they pull out their pointy things like that, but only after you're 100% sure they won't shank you for it.

The first time they saw your barn full of horses, cows, goats, and some sheep they were excited, and when they saw your aquarium room with all your fish and the terrariums with your snakes and turtle that you pet sit, they were a little more nervous.

The youngest, who you know to be Ori, had asked if the reptiles would eat them, but you only smiled and said, "Not unless I tell them too." You can't actually make them attack the dwarves, but it's best to keep them on their toes.

You decided to 'employ' all of them to help you take care of the animals, though you don't really need it, and may I say that the sight of your tiny hamsters, rabbit, and turtle being held in big 'man' hands is probably the cutest thing you've ever seen.

Yeti has also betrayed you, for he has fallen in love with that blond 'hobbit' known as Bilbo, and will only listen to him. If you had known Yeti would drop everything and have an affair the moment you turned your back, you would've sent them away (not really). The first time Yeti refused to come to you while he was snuggling the small hobbit shattered your heart. The betrayal shot through you like a poison arrow and spread throughout your whole body, leaving nothing in its wake other than sorrow and pain.

You got called dramatic for that.

"Fine! I don't need you anyway, Yeti! I've got Copper!" You cried, much to the amusement of your guests.

To be honest, you act like a total nut job with the sole purpose of bringing some joy into their everyday lives... and to keep them underestimating you in case things go south.

The quieter Balin seemed to take to your cat Butterscotch immediately, and now you rarely see him without ole Scotch in his lap. Your other two cats Midnight and Mittens were a little less pleased to have so many people around them, but they tolerated the dwarves and eventually got to petting terms with them.

The brothers Fili and Kili (you keep mixing them up, you're ashamed to admit) seemed to like your rabbit and hamsters the most. After you showed them how to feed the little fluffy boi's and how to open their cages, you often found them walking around holding them in their arms. It's very cute.

Thorin, the leader of this entourage, acts like he doesn't care for any of them, but you saw that bastard feeding Copper scraps under the table when he thought you weren't looking. And, apparently, Mittens kinda likes him which is interesting.

It's been only 5 days, but you found yourself becoming fond of the lot of them rather quickly, and they to you (though you don't know that).

You have two spare bedrooms with medium-sized beds, the love seat, long couches, and a chair in your living room, and a small couch in your bedroom too. You decided that moving the couch out to one of the other guest bedrooms would be beneficial, but it'll take some time so you were postponing it.

Now is as good of a time as any, you suppose.

You had been feeding your fish with Nori and Ori, and when the inspiration to move the couch hit you, you handed them the shaker and said, "Be careful not to overfeed them, otherwise they will explode and I will cry." You make your way to the door and pause, "A lot."

With that, you leave toward the stairs, and Copper rises from his spot next to Thorin (you feel weird not saying Mr. before) to follow after you.

"Oh, here's my good little boy!" You kneel down and squish his fluffy face, making over-exaggerated smooching noises as you kiss the top of his head and his snout, "Who's a good boy? Who's my good boy!?" You ask in a baby voice, scratching his back and petting him all over. His tail wags excitedly as you smother him in affection, and it only makes your heart melt, "You would never betray mommy, no you wouldn't! You wouldn't ditch me for a hobbit, would you baby? Oh, I love you." smooch, "so," smooch, "much!" You kiss the top of his head one more time, then stand back up with a bright smile on your face.

Someone clears their throat behind you, so you turn and see the majority of the intruders standing behind you. Some of them look amused, a few disturbed, and others are actually laughing.

"What?" You ask indignantly, feeling your face heat up from embarrassment. You forget that there are others in the house who aren't use to your animated way of talking to your babies.

"You have quite an interesting way of speaking with your animals." Mr. Thorin asshole Oakenshield states (he's actually a pretty nice guy).

You can't even help the violent blush from spreading across your cheeks, "D-Don't talk to me like that!" You exclaim, pouting rather childishly. "Copper! Attack!" You yell, pointing in his general direction.

A few of them stiffen, but Copper just kinda lazily ambles over and sits down in the middle of the dwarves, making you gasp dramatically. There's some more laughter, and while you knew Copper wouldn't actually attack them, it did nothing to ease how flustered you are like you thought it would.

You throw your arms up in the air in defeat and yell exasperatedly, "Fine! Have fun laughing while I put small animals in your things!" You don't wait around to see how they react and instead walk up the stairs and head to your room to begin moving the couch.

There's some murmuring that you can hear down below.

"Did we actually offend her?" Someone whispers.

You don't know their voices well enough to decipher who is who, yet, but their conversation actually warms your heart a bit.

"We didn't, did we? I only found it to be slightly amusing, and cute..." Another voice states.

"Yeah, it was cute, t-the dog I mean..."

Ooh, they think you're cute. Nice.

You decide that you should stop eavesdropping and go ahead and start moving the couch. Or try at least.

At first, you try pushing it, but the carpet simply doesn't allow for it, so you instead try to pull it, but that doesn't work either. Then, you crouch down and manage to lift it slightly from the ground, and so you, still gripping the gap beneath it, slowly walk back with it a few steps. You only manage to make it about 3 feet before you have to take a breather though.

You do that 4 more times, and eventually, you make it to the still-open, door. Once you get it there you stop and lean against it, panting quietly from the exertion.

For about a minute you stand there, and once you've caught your breath somewhat you lean back down and lift it as much as you can again and begin dragging it backward. You make some grunting noises from your effort and breathe out loudly when you drop it 2 feet later, standing up straight since the position is making your back hurt.

You bury your head in your hands and groan dramatically, "I'm a failureeeee!"

"Are you okay?" Someone says behind you suddenly.

You turn your head a bit and see one of the brothers, the brown-haired one, Kili you think (or was it Fili?), on the stairs looking at you with furrowed eyebrows, so you drop your hands back to your side.

"Just peachy. Do you need help with something?" You ask, wiping your hands on your jeans.

He shakes his head no, then glances at the heavy couch you're trying to move. "No, but it looks like you do."

You look down at the couch, then back at him and shake your head, "No, no I've got this. I've just gotta bring it across the hall over there." You point towards the end of the catwalk, but your resolve diminishes slightly when you realize just how far it is. Of course, you don't retract your denial since you don't want to look stupid. "All good over here."

You turn your back to him again and go back to your little system of lifting it slowly, pulling it back a few feet, then dropping it.

Honestly, it's painful to watch.

He then asks again, "Are you sure... you do not need help?"

You shake your head 'no' and don't bother turning or answering verbally this time (definitely not because you're out of breath), instead you just do the same process again and finally pull the damn thing all the way through your door.

"S-See? I've got it all under control!" You look over at him with a weary and very unconvincing smile. Damn, you don't even believe it yourself.

"Hey Fili, come here!" He calls suddenly, not acknowledging your assurance that you're all good.

Oh great, now they're gonna watch you fail together and make fun of you.

You huff indignantly and turn away, moving to pick it up again and, hopefully, arrive at your destination before you can be embarrassed anymore today.

Heavy footsteps ascend up the stairs and you groan internally, but continue nonetheless.

"What is it?" You hear him ask Kili (now you've got it), "Oh, uh, what is she doing?"

You do your best to tune them out and just go about your business. When you drop the couch this next time, though, you kinda just stand there for a moment and wait for your back to stop hurting.

A voice then pipes up next to you, "Allow us."

You look down at the blond dwarf with surprise, not having heard him approach, "Um, I don't know if you'll be able to..." Your eyes drift over to Kili (you know that's his name for sure this time) who is at the opposite end of the furniture, and when he lifts it, it goes up much higher than what you managed.

How is that even possible? They're smaller than you are! In height, at least... Okay, actually maybe it does make sense since, as stated 5 days ago, these bitches are thicc👌.

"Okay." You don't see the point in arguing any further and just step out of the way (plus you hate physical labor), watching as they carry the whole couch to the other room in record time. Now you just feel silly, having so adamantly refused any assistance when the job effort was cut in half in literal seconds.

After a few moments of just standing there, you follow and go into the room, seeing that they've already placed it in a free space in the room.

"Is this alright?" Kili asks, looking over at you with a slightly smug expression.

You just nod dumbly, looking between them and the couch a few times, "I don't...," you pause before you finish that thought, squinting at the couch, "Move it a little to the left."

They do just that, and when it's done you smile brightly, "Looks good. Thank you."

Fili opens his mouth to say something, but a loud knock on your door and barking from Copper and Yeti silences him.

You spin around on your heel and look downstairs frantically at the entrance, seeing a distorted figure through the wavy glass of your front door. Your eyes go wide, and you turn back to the two brothers, "Don't go outside!"

You then race downstairs, the two following close behind, and wave everyone looking at the door over to you, "Go hide over there," you point to an area out of sight from the front door. You smile and say, "Good boys!" out of habit, but another knock keeps you from getting embarrassed.

You start to run over to the door, but pause and run back to say, "And don't leave this area. I don't know who's here."

A louder knock resounds throughout your main room, and you yell, "I'm coming! Just give me a moment!" Once they're all hidden away, you make your way over and open the front door.

Your face falls immediately, "Erick... what are you doing here?" Suddenly all the confidence and joy washes out of you, leaving nothing but a barren wasteland of confusion and dismay.

The man at your doorway, Erick, looks down at you with a blank stare, then down at your dogs. A smile comes to his face and he says, "Hey, Copper! I've missed you, buddy!"

Copper doesn't go up to him, instead he growls a bit and you feel satisfied about it. Yeti just turns away and goes to where everyone else is hiding, no doubt to look for Bilbo.

Erick steps forward a bit and goes to pet him, but you snap, "Hey! Leave him alone. What do you want?"

When you ask what he wants, he steps back out onto the patio and glares at Copper briefly before looking back at you, "I just came by to see Copper, is all. He's my dog too you know."

His words make your blood boil, but you try to keep your cool and instead shake your head, "No, the moment you raised your hand to him he was no longer your dog. And I doubt you made a trip all the way here just to see him. Just tell me what you want so I can get back to my day."

His fists clench at his sides and you unconsciously flinch but maintain eye contact. "Fine, you're right. I came to take him back home with me."

"What?" You ask incredulously, looking down at Copper's sweet face, then back up at him. "Yeah, no way, he's my fucking dog."

"Yes way, he was our dog, and being as I bought him for you and paid all his bills before you began this worthless animal sitting shit, I have more of a right to him than you." His voice sounds so smug, and his smirk makes you sick to your stomach

"You only bought him for me because you needed something to make me stick around." You argue, "Why are you doing this now? Why not last week? Or tomorrow? Or literally any other time? Why did you have to come by without even calling me in advance?"

He crosses his arms and leans forward intimidatingly, purposefully looming just to unnerve you, "Because I want my dog back."

Oh, you know exactly what he's doing. Copper is precious to you in more ways than one, and after your not so great breakup with this slimy bastard, he looked for every way to piss you off and fuck you over. You can't count on two hands how many times he threatened Copper's well-being just to force you to do something. He thinks that by taking Copper now he can psych you out and make you come back to him. And, well, he probably can, but there's no way you're going to just give Copper to him.

"Over my dead freaking body." You snap back, crossing your arms much like he did, "I can pay you back for everything in cash, but he's not going anywhere with you."

"Yes, he is. I've got the receipts to prove it too. Give him to me or I take you to court."

Oh, this fucker.

"Then fucking take me to court!" You stand your ground and shake your head, taking a calming breath so you don't explode, "Why can't you just leave us alone? Copper is my dog, I love him so much, and you know that! I'm sorry I broke up with you and it hurt your feelings, but you have to leave him out of this! Isn't there something else I can give you? Like my money?"

"Well... I suppose I can make this all go away." He suddenly says, a smirk curling upon his lips and he leans down slightly.

You don't dare hope that he's going to say something rational. "How?"

"Just let me take you out on one more date, I'll show you that I'm not that guy anymore." He attempts a 'sweet' and 'apologetic' smile, but you can see right through him, "I didn't even mean to hit him anyways." Just as you expected.

You lean back when he gets closer and your nose scrunches up distastefully. "Um, yeah, you didn't mean to hit him because you meant to hit me, or did you forget about that? I'm not going anywhere with you. End of discussion." At this point, you've completely forgotten about the 14 people hiding not 20 feet away. You're just so damn angry you can't even think straight.

"Then I'm going to take him back home with me. And if he happens to get out and run into the middle of the road... well, my dog door doesn't lock, as you know."

You recoil at his hateful, disgusting words and feel a spark of emotion shoot through you, "I w-won't let you take him. He's been through enough because of you!" In a way you're expressing your own frustrations through Copper, speaking about him in a way that conveys what you're actually feeling too. "Please, Erick just leave us alone. I can pay you back for the things you got him, that way you haven't lost anything."

"Except for you." He tries to sound disappointed and regretful, but you know he isn't. He isn't. "You know I love you..."

For a split second you almost believe him, but you shove that trust away as soon as it appears. It took you a long time to get to where you are today, and you're not about to relapse and start forgiving him again now. "You don't love me, Erick, you love to control me. I left, and that's your fault!"

"If you won't get back with me, then give me Copper and I'll leave you alone."

Great, an ultimatum.

Yes, having this prick leave you alone for good would be wonderful, but sending that innocent fluff ball with him is a death sentence. You don't know what he did to him when you weren't home if he did anything at all, but you loathe the thought of Copper being at his mercy (mostly because he has none).

Copper was the only ray of light in your dark life then. He was your only solace, your beacon of hope, and your only ally when Erick made you drive everyone else away. In some ways, you'd first die then part with him.

"No! I already said I'm not going to give him to you! You only gave him to me so you could use him against me anyways! You don't love him, and you don't love me. You're crazy."

He glares daggers into you but doesn't reply to that. Then steps to the side and whistles, "Copper, come here."

Copper's ears twitch, but he doesn't move to get up. He's scared.

When Copper doesn't move Erick begins to step inside, but you get in front of him and glare up at him, "Hey! You can't come in here, Erick!"

He doesn't move at first, clearly not having expected you to stand up to him physically like that.

"This doesn't have to be difficult, Y/N. Just give me his leash and we'll be on our way."

"Over. My. Dead. Body!" You repeat, reaching back to push Copper away a bit and urge him to run off.

"That can be arranged." He hisses, a dangerous glint gleaming in his eyes.

"Hey, g-get away from me!" You shrink back and start to step away, but he reaches up and grabs your wrists, causing you to physically cringe when his skin meets yours. "D-Don't touch me!" You cry in alarm, hearing some shuffling from the very place you hid your new friends. The new friends that you instructed not to come out. Copper stands up when you start to shout and he barks at Erick, but he only ignores your good little floofer and shakes you a bit.

"You were so much better when you listened!" He snaps, releasing one of your hands to grab your face in a bruising grip.

"Stop!" You yell louder, voice slightly muffled and intended for both him and the no doubt distressed dwarves and hobbit. One of your knees comes up almost on its own, and though it doesn't quite hit it's target, it does hit his stomach. His grip on you loosens, so you wrench your wrist from his grasp and shove him backwards out your door, causing him to land on his butt on the wood deck.

"Did you really just do that?!" He screams, staggering to his feet with murder in his eyes as he moves to come back inside. "You're gonna fucking wish you-"

He reaches towards you, but you slam the door on his fingers before he can come any closer or finish his threat. A loud cry of pain comes from in front of you, but you slam your door instead of going to look. You turn all the locks quickly and step back from it, tripping over your own feet and falling on your butt much like he did when he starts to bang on your door from the other side.

"Give me that damn dog, Y/N! I will get a judge involved! I'll sue you for assault and robbery!"

He continues to scream and break things outside your door, and at some point you wrap Copper up in a tight hug, sniffling softly from a mixture of both relief and fright.

Erick screams every curse in the book. He screams violent threats against your animals, describing what he's going to do if he ever get's his hands on them, all the ways he's going to hurt you. How he wants you to die, and how he'll kill you if you ever cross paths again.

You don't know how long he goes at it, yelling these hateful and threatening things at you and your poor animals, but eventually, he quiets. With one final kick at your door and exclamation about how he's going to get you for this, he leaves.

Your heart is beating rapidly in your chest, and you're unable to move for a little bit until Copper's cool nose presses against your cheek gently.

He's shaking (or maybe that's you), you notice, so you stroke his head gently and mumble, "Hey, it's okay sweetheart... It's okay." You don't know if he can understand you, but your voice seems to calm him regardless. Despite being slightly traumatized, you're actually a little proud of yourself for standing up for yourself and Copper like that.

More shuffling registers from behind you, but you don't turn to look. You don't want them to see your tears, even if you consider them your friends. People are horrible, and when they see someone like you as you are now they either pity you needlessly, or see someone they can take advantage of. And you're done being taken advantage of.

You just continue to sit there on the ground, hugging Copper's fuzzy head to your chest while you whisper comforting things to him, sniffling occasionally while you wait for your violent trembling to cease.

A few minutes pass of complete silence, you could probably hear a fly landing on something with how quiet it is. There is nothing you loathe more at this moment then having to face the people behind you, but you stand up anyways.

"Miss Y/N?"

Ah, you recognize that voice. It's the hobbit Bilbo, and it sounds like he doesn't know what to say.

You ignore him calling your name and just dance around the topic and try to make a joke out of it by stating, "W-Well that was awkward, wasn't it? I didn't think this is how our day would go." You don't turn to face them, shoulders stiff while you look at Copper's sweet face and try to keep your tears at bay, "I... I don't feel so good all of a sudden. I think I'm going to retire early tonight." Your voice is soft and weak, heavy from crying, and you just feel humiliated all around (especially at the way your voice breaks when you attempt a laugh).

You turn slowly and force a smile, one much too bright and cheery to be paired with your puffy eyes and heart-wrenchingly frail demeanor. "H-Help yourself to my kitchen."

You cannot stand the expressions on their faces, even the half-deaf one heard everything, so you turn your gaze down to your feet and, without another word, make a bee-line for the stairs and practically run up them with Copper and Butterscotch on your heels. Even Yeti follows after you. "Good night!" You rush out before slamming your bedroom door, avoiding the same 14 pairs of eyes still trained on you.

If you had taken a little longer to look at them, you would've seen more than pity though. Some of them held anger, some looked sad and empathetic, and some were simply shocked or upset themselves. They've seen nothing but the strong-willed and funny part of you, so seeing that...

It seems that your distress has affected the mood of this company quite a bit more than you realize.

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chaoticspacefam · 3 years

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I was tagged by @darth-bagel thank you! I shall tag (no pressure as always and feel free to ignore!) : @a-muirehen , @palepinkycat , @walk-ng-d-saster , @kyber-heart and @berriku <3

Rules: Answer 30 questions and tag 5 blogs you are contractually obligated to know better.

Name/Nickname: I usually go by Elf/Elven online, tho my gf also calls me Boyscout (it’s an inside joke we have XD)

Gender: Cis female

Star sign: Taurus ♉

Height: 5′4″ (I can’t believe I’m actually taller than someone, sorry Bagel!)

Birthday: April 21st. Prolly gonna be spending another birthday in lockdown but hey, at least I can either play SWTOR with some buds or ARK with dad this time so that’ll prob be what I’ll be doing. Gotta make the most of it

Time: as I’m finishing this to post it, it is 1:22pm

Favorite bands: I have a lot so hold onto your hats lmao: Fall Out Boy, Glass Animals, Panic! At The Disco, Hop Along (not sure if these two still count as bands or if they’d fall under solo now...), MISSIO, 30 Seconds to Mars, Shinedown, Lord Huron is apparently a band now too tho he started solo owo, The Oh Hellos, Of Monsters And Men, The Antlers, PVRIS, Bastille, Young Heretics, Dorothy, The Crane Wives, The Mountain Goats

Favorite solo artists: Hozier, Willyecho (pretty sure he’s solo? XD), Billie Eilish, Ed Sheeran, Lorde, Mikky Ekko, Iron & Wine, Marina (& The Diamonds), Florence & The Machine, EDEN, P!nk, Keaton Henson, Amanda Palmer, Halsey, Radical Face, grandson, Lincoln

Song stuck in my head: as of this morning, The Mighty Fall by Fall Out Boy

Last movie: Uuuhh, pretty sure it was Hotel Transylvania 2, I was feeling icky the other day and needed to laugh so XD

Last show: The Alien Worlds series on Netflix, it’s really cool even if I wish they’dve come up with better names for the alien critters ¬_¬

When did I create this blog: Oh, not that long ago actually, funnily enough. I’ve been in and out of tumblr for a long while but never made my own blog(s) till about March last year (2020)

What do I post: this blog is exclusively SWTOR (and KOTOR) related stuff, anything from awesome art, writing and headcanons from mutuals, to my own art, screencaps from my and mutuals’ gameplay, to my own fics, headcanons and stuff. My other blog is for “canon” Star Wars, general fandom/gaming stuff etc. Very occasionally I might post non-swtor posts like this one here if I feel it “belongs” in the “get to know elven” tag

Last thing I googled: "acnh how many villagers can you have” - I wasn’t sure what the limit was and I play sporadically so I didn’t know, don’t laugh at me LMAO

Other blogs: just my other/main blog: @itstheelvenjedi . There’s “canon”-era Star Wars, LotR/The Hobbit stuff as well as a little bit of Warrior Cats, other gaming (mainly ARK: Survival Evolved atm), as well as a tiny bit of politics and ranty stuff. All is properly tagged so you can block any tags you don’t want to see.

Do I get asks: I do! I’m kinda slow answering them sometimes but I promise if you send me one I will always answer it and I appreciate every single one <3

Why I chose my url: ok, so, my mains are mostly wlw - except for Kas - (and yes, wlw can use the word “lesbian” if we want to, as a demisexual wlw person I will beat you with my crutch, fuck off, it’s a blanket wlw term just like “sapphic” and you don’t get to decide what I can and cannot call myself or my characters, you’re not me), they’re chaotic and they live in the SWTOR verse which is sometimes affectionately called a “space opera” so: chaoticspacelesbians. my main blog is because “TheElvenJedi” has been my main online pseud since about 2014, but theelvenjedi was apparently taken when I made my tumblr so I had to add something else to the beginning, therefore I went with itstheelvenjedi cause it was the closest thing to theelvenjedi and easy for me to remember XD

Following: 229 apparently (oop. I should probably....go through that and trim out the year+ inactive blogs huh o.o)

Followers: 90 (holy crackers where did you all come from LMAO am I really that funny???)

Average hours of sleep: I try to stick to at least 7, sometimes when insomnia hits tho it’s more like 4... >__<

Lucky number: 4 again! I just really dig it, it’s a cool number.

Instruments: I used to play recorder, and I took a couple drum lessons in primary school but couldn’t afford to keep it up ;-; it was fun while it lasted tho!

What am I wearing: ...my pyjamas and a dressing gown. It’s cold and I don’t have to go out or expect visitors today so I’m staying warm. Don’t judge me LOL

Dream job: I would’ve loved to have done either Riding Groom/Jockey (which I might have managed 6 or so years back but uhhh, I can’t handle the physical strain anymore, thanks granny joints!) or Animal Assisted Therapy, but there’s no way I can cope with managing my own business, it’s too much for me qwq A lot of things are Too Much For Me, unfortunately. I will take working checkout at a grocery store at the rate I’m going now tbh.

Dream trip: 1) to visit the gf in Germany and see the Christmas Markets there, and also 2) to go to New Zealand and visit the Hobbit/LotR sets and see all the wildlife :’D

Favorite food: Mac n cheese, it’s just...so good....

Nationality: South African/British (yes, I am in fact dual-national even if my SA passport has expired and I can’t find money to renew it, it’s on my birth certificate and in my blood so HAH)

Favorite song: I have...a few... but uhh Bruno Is Orange - Hop Along Bury Me Face Down - grandson Domestic Bliss - Glass Animals (TW: abuse mention, abusive relationship) Raise Hell - Dorothy Woman King - Iron & Wine Save Rock n Roll - Fall Out Boy Saint Bernard - Lincoln I could go on for a while but these are the ones that oft live in my head rent-free XD

Last book read: I don’t even know, tbh....I haven’t been able to focus on reading in a while 😅

Top three fictional universes I’d like to live in:

1. SWtOR (obviously. Gimme a lightsaber and Force powers, stat!)

2. LotR/The Hobbit

3. ARK: Survival Evolved (I’d prolly get eaten by a t-rex or a spino in like 5 mins but hey, the thought of actually having a bunch of pet prehistoric animals is nice~)

#not swtor #get to know elven #i was gonna put this on my main blog but since i have more followers here & *technically* this is the blog bagel tagged #XD #plus i don't post much about *me* here and this is impersonal enough that it feels safe to share with y'all #some proof i am an actual living being behind a screen and not some sort of pro-empire robot #hahahaha

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boujeedolls · 4 years

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rating the girls of the year (inspired by tiktok)

#18 they gave a white girl medium skin bc she has a “tan” lollll what. i dont know much about lea beyond that and her treehouse but when i opened her wikia page and read “1/8th brazilian” i was like close tab lollllllll just make a brazilian doll it’s ok!!!!!!!!

#17. grace was ok but definitely not my taste of person considering she can cook and romanticizes france and gets on a reality show ikufjfwefhuow remember that. and not the cool revolution france but like the macaroons and eiffel tower pandora bracelet after your holiday there tourist france. ag didnt use the ratatouille theme once in her movie

#16. i didn’t get too hype for blair but i feel like she is definitely gonna grow up to be a wine mom karen so i like her for that. also her hair, meet dress and of course....the overall and rainboot combo. she has a subscription to good housekeeping and she’s 10 i just know it. she has a pinterest board full of mason jars and is gonna name one of her kids mckaleigh

#15. saige was cute and love the southwest aesthetic but even as an artistic person i thought she was soooo annoyinggg in the fact that she acted like art class being taken away for a year was the end of the world. ik i sound like a boomer rn but saige you can just paint at home or in the fancy studio you have access to insert the kardashians kim there are people that are dying soundclip. (btw i think it was perfectly cool that they got funding for their school for arts education that’s fine and all but just her PRIVILEGE)

#14. i was obsessed with chrissa when she came out but like... not her. like the movie?? watched the trailor everyday and had the behind the scenes videos practically memorized. the friend dolls that were prettier than her doll. the outfits and most of all......the most chaotic ag product ever released....starburst. 2009.

#13. mckenna was cool but she kind of scares me. i shant elaborate.

#12. you know what i haven’t read joss’s books at all but the fact that they brought back a surfing theme and finally have a cheerleader AND she has a canon disability makes her cool in my book.

#11. lindsey bergman was a sweet chicagoan jewish girl who just wanted to make people happy SHE DESERVES ALL THE HYPE

#10. lanie was so adorable. like i really liked her camper even though it cost like a kidneys amount and i love her environmental theme and how truly passionate she was about it. the bunny on the leash is cute and she was the cutest illustrated girl imo also her sister playing the same thing over and over again until lanie lost it is so funny to me as a cello major

#9. gabi was so interesting and DIDN’T DESERVE TO BE A RECYCLED DOLL!!!!!!!!! love that she was multifaceted and interested in many forms of expression whereas many times this line can get kind of one dimensional. love that we finally had representation for our speech impediment girls and oh yeah she’s still the only black contemporary character IN THE 19 YEARS SINCE AG DECIDED TO START MAKING 18 INCH CONTEMPORARY GIRLS. AND. THEY. REHASHED. A TRULY MEEEE!!! not her fault tho she’s a fictional character.

#8. isabelle was the only goty doll i owned but that’s not the point i mean i like her and her story and the ballet school thing but like....kinda rehashed marisol (i mean, they kinda had the right bc it was a new generation 9 years later and dance is a common interest) and her design was pretty boring but lovely nonetheless. she’s like the chocolate chip cookie of ag. like really plain but good.

#7. i honestly think kailey gets slept on i think she’s super pretty and an environmental queen and all around lovely 2003 hollister california surfer girl i miss when that was cool

#6 whoever thought of luciana deserves a raise someone really said “space girl with dyed hair” and everyone said mint SHE HAD A SPACE SHUTTLE SIMULATOR THING AND A WHOLE ASTRONAUT SUIT? the galaxy print? A STEM THEMEEEE FOR THE STEM GIRLSSSS

#5. kanani akina is like......the prettiest girl american girl ever thought of. like it’s almost unrealistic how gorgeous her doll and illustrations are. speaking of illustrations THE SEAL ONE??? REMEMBER THAT?? i had her in my hand and almost bought her once again gorgeous collection lives like a euphoric life IMAGINE living in a small kauai town and working at your family’s shave ice stand and coming home to your pet rooster goat and dog

#4. nicki fleming i adore her she is a beautiful and socially aware country girl who has trouble saying no i relate to her a lot and she grows so exponentially in her books, i would dare say even more than most of the other gotys. remember when she made cowboy hats look good.

#3. i genuinely love jess akiko mcconnell soooo fricken much our gorgeous girl getting kids interested in archaeology and halter tops her whole collection was amazing i really would’ve loved if they made more books of her traveling with her parents!

#2. OUR LATINA QUEEN MARISOL LUNA she really was everything from her illustrations, her MEET OUTFIT her TRUNK her CAT her LITTLE MAZE GAME we love the west side chicago dancing queen she was everything no wonder ag decided to do goty every year after her ugh we stan

#1. and finally we have mia. iconic outfits. unique theme. amazing bedroom collection. humorous lawrence yep books. worked her way in custodial because money was tight, fun online games, once again need i remind you WE MET HER WHEN SHE RAN OVER THE BULLY WITH A ZAMBONI

#been a while and i feel like i will be attacked for this #american girl

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just-random-obsessions · 4 years

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Funny Moments In Thor The Dark World

Find Thor 1 here

Find Avengers 1 here

This is the second part of me watching all three thor movies and the avengers movie and comparing the humor pre-ragnarok to the humor in the 3rd Thor movie. And, as before, I’m writing this on my computer where the I and U keys don’t work so sorry for any spelling mistakes.

Tag List: @nikkoliferous @fyrecrafted @lokijiro @miskiett @darthxerik @icyxmischief @iamanartichoke @juliabohemian @official-and-unstable-satan @melodylnoelle @just-another-human-2019 @fandomsfanfiction @mentallydatingahotcelebrity @cateyes315 @burningarbiterheart @imnotacreepijustlikeyou @usedtobegoodfriend96 @alexakeyloveloki

Official-and-unstable-satan and fandomsfanfiction weren’t tagged sry

Anyone who wants to be added/removed to the tag list please let me know! and if I missed someone please also let me know. Sorry this post is so long

~ “Hello Mother. Have I made you proud?”

~ “Please don’t make things worse” “Define worse”

~ “I really don’t see what all the fuss is about”

~ “Just like you”

~ *That smile!!!!*

~ “I’ve got this completely under control!” “Is that why everything’s on fire?”

~ *About the Scary MonsterTM: “All yours”

~ *Thor says hi to the Big Scary MonsterTM*

~ “I accept your surrender”

~ “Anyone else?” *All the people simultaneously: NOPE*

~ “Perhaps next time we should START with the big one”

~ *Odin obviously shipping Thor and Jane* (idk I got a kick out of this)

~ *Jane awkwardly avoiding her date*

~ *Date: hi*

~ *Him awkwardly talking about his ex*

~ “And the fact that she kept sleeping with other men” “NO!”

~ *Darcy being mistaken for a waitress*

~ *Darcy mouthing “Cute” to Jane about Richard*

~ *Darcy embarrassing Jane by talking about Thor*

~ “Is there a point to all of this cause there REALLY needs to be a point to all of this”

~ “That’s what I said!”

~ “That’s what I did!”

~ “He’s not interested” “I’m interested” (Am I the only one who feels like his awkwardness was actually kinda cute?)

~ “He’s my intern.” “You have an intern?”

~ *Intern is fucking adorable like Richard*

~ “I have totally mastered driving in London!” *Has not mastered it at all*

~ *Selvig running around Stonehenge naked*

~ *Darcy keeps calling Ian ‘Intern’*

~ *Darcy calls Jane cause she didn’t wanna shout*

~ God I fucking love Darcy she’s so criminally underrated

~ “I am not getting stabbed in the name of science”

~ “It’s okay, we’re Americans!” “Is that supposed to make them like us?”

~ “We’re scientists-well I am” “Thanks”

~ “That doesn’t seem right”

~ “I wanna throw something! Jane give me your shoe!”

~ *Jane ignores Darcy*

~ “Give me your shoe”

~ “Were those the car keys?”

~ *Ian’s face when he realizes he threw the car keys to another planet*

~ *If you have to bury so many people then you’re doing something wrong you hot dumb fuck* (I mean that’s basically what Heimdall said right?)

~ “Typical” *after being left behind while Jane goes to talk to her boyfriend*

~ *Jane! Love of my life and most talented and beautiful person in the world oh how I love yo-SLAP*

~ “As excuses go, its not terrible”

~ “I know” “You do?” “Do what?”

~ *Darcy interrupts the KissTM*

~ “Um I’m pretty sure we are getting arrested”

~ “How’s space?” “Space is fine”

~ “He’s my intern… My intern’s intern”

~ “Holy shit!” (after Jane went up in the Bifrost)

~ *Heimdall calmly dodges the car*

~ “We have to do that again”

~ “Hello”

~ “What’s that?”

~ “It’s a soul forge” *No I’m pretty sure that’s a quantum field generator*

~ *Jane being ready to fight Odin for comparing her to a goat*

~ “You told your dad about me?”

~ “It must be so inconvenient, them asking about me day and night”

~ “Please meet my mother” *Jane shies away from Thor*

~ Loki casually tossing the thingamajig in the air like the cute little shit he is

~ Lord, he’s so damn pretty

~ *Kurse being like: Lol I ain’t touchin’ that boy with a ten foot pole*

~ “It’s as if they resent being in prison”

~ “There’s no pleasing some creatures”

~ *Loki calmly reading a book while all Hel breaks loose*

~ “You have my word that no harm will come to yo-” nvm bitch die

~ *THAT look between Sif and Jane*

~ *Frigga immediately seeing through Odin’s bs lies*

~ *Heimdall: I have defeated the big space ship!! The bigger one behind him: Bitch you thought*

~ “WITCH!!!!” *Now I know who Loki gets his amazing aforementioned smile from*

~ *Selvig using shoes to explain complicated science*

~ *Selvig then using pencils*

~ “Any questions?” “Yeah, can I have my shoe back?”

~ “What’s SHIELD?” “It’s a secret”

~ *Darcy’s cute af face when she sees that Selvig is in the mental hospital*

~ “Are you sure you wouldn’t just rather punch your way out?”

~ *Loki shapeshifting into the guard*

~ “Mmm Brother, you look ravishing”

~ “Costumes a bit much”

~ “So tight!”

~ “I can FEEL the righteousness surging!!”

~ “HEY wanna have a rousing discussion about truth?”

~ “Honor?”

~ “Patriotism?”

~ “GOD BLESS AMERICA!”

~ “At last. A little common sens-”Bitch are you really fucking kidding me? (What do you mean that’s not what he said?)

~ “I thought you liked tricks”

~ “I’m Loki, you may have heard of-” SLAP

~ “That was for New York”

~ “I like her”

~ *Loki gazing lovingly at Jane in the background*

~ “Betray him, and I’ll kill you.” “It’s good to see you too Sif”

~ “If you even think about betraying him-” “You’ll kill me? Evidently there will be a line”

~ “I thought you said you knew how to fly this thing.” “I said how hard can it be?”

~ “Whatever your doing brother I suggest you do it faster.” “Shut up Loki

~ “You must’ve missed something.” “I didn’t, I’m pressing every button on this thing”

~ “Well don’t hit it. Just press it, gently.” “I aM pReSsInG iT gEnTlY AND ITS NOT WORKING!!!”

~ *Thor starts slamming buttons and it starts working*

~ *Volstagg: Oh fighting is much fun- OH SHIT IM FALLING!! HELP!!!*

~ “I think you missed a column.” “Shut up”

~ “Why don’t you let me take over? I’m clearly the best pilot”

~ *Bitch I’m the one who can actually fly*

~ “Oh dear. Is she dead?”

~ *Thor knocks over a column* “Not a word”

~ “Now they’re following us”

~ “Now they’re firing at us”

~ “Yes thank you for the commentary Loki, it’s not at all distracting”

~ “Well done, you just decapitated your grandfather”

~ *Seriously, whoever wrote the escape scene is a genius!!!*

~ *Loki yelling at Thor about how thIs was a bad idea you dumb fuck- wait wtf are you doing AAAAHHHHH!!!!1*

~ “You lied to me. I’m impressed”

~ *That smile again snfnejaihfeqrqrsbdsalxdjewonjfeq*

~ “For Asgard!” YEET

~ “Nothing personal boys!”

~ “If it were easy, everyone would do it”

~ “Are you mad?” “Possibly”

~ “TADAAA”

~ “Oh yeah, my father. Eric Selvig”

~ “And these” “yeah… those”

~ “How did you find me?” “You were naked on television”

~ “I don’t get paid enough. I don’t get paid at all”

~ “What’s happening? Birds? Birds are happening?”

~ “All right are you ready?” “I am”

~ *phone rings* “It’s not me”

~ “Why are there so many shoes in here?”

~ “I’ll just text her”

~ “So who’s Richard?”

~ *Thor hanging his hammer on a coat hanger*

~ “Where are your pants?” “Oh he says it helps him think”

~ “Loki is dead” “Oh thank God!”

~ “Better get my pants”

~ “Do you even know what these things do?” “No” “…Neither do I”

~ “Ooh get the guy with the sword!”

~ “Oops”

~ *Ian’s high-pitched scream*

~ *Does car insurance cover My Car Was Sucked Into Another Planet Due To A Cosmic Event That Only Occurs Once Every 5000 Years or no?*

~ *Thor and Malekith fighting between worlds and poor little Mjolnir trying to keep up*

~ *The two of them against windows*

~ *AAAHHH*

~ *Awww! Look at the cute little Jotunheim monster! He’s so adorable I wanna pet him so much!’

~ *Darcy and Ian kissing after he saved her life*

~ “Darcy?” “Jane!” “Ian?” “Selvig.”

~ “Myuh Myuh!!”

~ *Thor ends up on the subway*

~ *The girl taking 50 photos*

~ *Thor and the woman colliding into eachother*

~ “I’ve come to accept your surrender”

~ *Malekith gets crushed by his own ship. Now that’s some lovely karma right there*

~ *Darcy and Ian go back to kissing*

~ “He kinda committed treason on our way out” oops

~ Jotunheim Puppy chasing birds

Wow I’m so sorry this was so long. But guess what? It’s gonna get even longer. Sorry, again.

So one of the differences between the first and second Thor movies is that Thor 2 has humor in the climax whereas Thor 1 doesn’t. This is because of the differences with who is the villain. In Thor 1, Thor is having to fight his brother. To quote Avengers, they “played together and fought together” for several millennia. Of course there’s not going to be any humor in it cause there shouldn’t be. The climax at the end of the movie isn’t supposed to be some epic battle between the forces of Good TM and Bad TM. It’s supposed to be tragic that he’s having to fight his own brother because Loki lost his mind due to so many factors. The last joke in the film is “You’re an amazon liar brother, always have been” “It’s good to have you back”. There’s nothing else till the end credit scene. That’s because Kenneth Branagh knew that this was supposed to be viewed at as being sad a hopeless, not some awesome upbeat battle.

Thor 2 on the other hand, is exactly that. Thor has known Malekith for.. what? 2 days? Maybe 3? His relationship and dynamic with Malekith is different than with his brother. To Thor, this is just another enemy attacking Asgard. And I’m not sure whether this was intentional or not (because I remember reading somewhere how Allen Taylor had a bitch of a time in the editing process so I think the movie came out different than he intended) but the lack of any personal relationship will Malekith means the film can make really funny jokes and still have it fit with the film. If anything, I might even argue that the humor helped the film to maintain a very nice positive vibe. Idk I can’t think of the right words to explain it but the jokes actually fit the film very well.

However, then we move on to Ragnarok. With Ragnarok, Thor is fighting his sister. While (just like Malekith) he has only known her for two days, that still doesn’t take away the fact that he is having to fight his sibling. And I’m not a film director but if I had the option of approaching this situation and taking it the Thor 1 route or the the Thor 2 route, I’d go with Thor 1. Because it’s actually incredibly tragic that Hela has been driven to insanity like Loki (though ok a different level) due to Odin’s shitty parenting. She is the horrible way she is because Odin made her that way. And that could’ve been an AMAZINGLY complex story with the audience feeling so much sympathy for Hela like we did with Loki in Thor 1, but the narrative just falls flat for two reasons. 1) Taika admitted he didn’t want the film to be emotionally complex so 2) The humor in the climax completely detracts from the seriousness of the situation.

Also, some side notes: Yes, this is edited from the original. I accidentally deleted everything and then had to go back and add everything back in. So I also had to re-tag people too. And I also added a bit more explanation at the end. I meant to do so when I originally posted but it never got done till now. Sry. Also sry that it’s so long

#dr badass jane foster #anti ragnarok #anti thor ragnarok #my meta #thor the dark world #thor 2 #thor #loki

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limetimo · 3 years

Text

1: what do you prefer to be called name-wise? For English speakers, Amy. But really if you don’t address me by my name ever in your life, that’s fine.

2: when is your birthday? My perception and management of time is so bad I usually realise it’s my birthday only after somebody told me their congrats. I’m a March baby tho!

3: where do you live? The Czech Republic, up in the misty mountains cold...

4: three things you are doing right now? - Sitting on the kitchen counter - having a mild existentional crisis over how little I know myself and that if I were a fictional character the fandom would write me off as bland boring and whiney and they’d be right - wondering what is wrong with the spelling of “existentional” since it has the little red wiggle underneath (but too lazy to google check)

5: four fandoms that have piqued your interest? - I’ll never watch SPN but at this point I know more about it than I remember from my high school geography classes. - Once Upon A Time has a really hot Captain Hook. I kinda want to watch it just for that, but I heard the plot was pretty good too. - The Onceler fandom is like the monster under my bed. I know it’s there and I’m afraid. But it is an interesting phenomenon. - apparently one of may favourite book series from when I was 14ish has a show on Netflix. I’m curious about that.

6: how has the pandemic been treating you? Fun-fucking-tastic! I mean, I am stuck in the country side with cats, dogs, goats and ponies. The only way it could be better is if it wasn’t so flipping cold and my mom wasn’t watching me 24/7. The surveillance is a little annoying. But I can always say I’m going out and spend 2-4 hours walking in the forest with the dogs.

7: a song you can’t stop listening to right now? If We Have Each Other by Alec Benjamin.

8: recommend a movie. I really loved Knives Out (2019); Megamind (2010) is funtastic, Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron (2002) makes me cry every time. Oh and The Emperor’s New Goove (2000) and Excalibur: The Quest for Camelot (1998) are my childhood faves! ♥

9: how old are you? As old as Excalibur: Quest for Camelot.

10: school, university, occupation, other? *cries in got kicked out of uni* *cries in there’s no work in the pandemic* Guess you could say I’m a farm animals caretaker. free-lance translator (for my mom’s website), and a full-time fanfic reader, Kudos-er and comment-er. Oooh, and a shameless enabler for my fanfic writer friends!

11: do you prefer heat or cold? Every good thing comes in moderation... Cold I guess, I can always put on one more sweater.

12: name one fact others may not know about you. Uh... I have a knee-jerk reaction to lie about stupid unimportant stuff when caught off-guard? I’m working on it.

13: are you shy? Yepppp... until we start vibing, or unless I’m tipsy.

14: your pronouns? she/her

15: biggest pet peeves? Dunno... Privacy breaches. Don’t do that.

16: what is your favorite “dere” type? I had to google this since I only know Tsundere and Yandere, but I think I like Dandere or Kuundere the best.

17: rate your life from 1-10. Objectively? A solid 8, I think. Subjectively... maybe a 6. It’s not bad but I do wish I’ve done many things differently.

18: what’s your main blog? This one!

19: list your side blogs and what they’re used for. There’s only one, rice-and-radish.tumblr.com. It was created by a friend for our roleplay... SigKyun for the win honestly, I grew up so much with them by my side.

20: Is there something people need to know about you before becoming friends? I am SHIT at keeping in touch. If you leave it up to me there’ll be 3 months of radio silence and then a single meme I saw and thought you would like. I don’t even keep up with my non-internet friends very well. I tag @fightingforcreativity, @general-history-reference, @that-lonely-littie-star, @silverlakes, @gayrainbowbridge, @malvsworld, @ceo-of-regulus-black and idk, whoever wants to do it!

Blank list of questions here under the cut for your conveniece.

1: what do you prefer to be called name-wise?

2: when is your birthday?

3: where do you live?

4: three things you are doing right now?

5: four fandoms that have piqued your interest?

6: how has the pandemic been treating you?

7: a song you can’t stop listening to right now?

8: recommend a movie.

9: how old are you?

10: school, university, occupation, other?

11: do you prefer heat or cold?

12: name one fact others may not know about you.

13: are you shy?

14: your pronouns?

15: biggest pet peeves?

16: what is your favorite “dere” type?

17: rate your life from 1-10.

18: what’s your main blog?

19: list your side blogs and what they’re used for.

20: Is there something people need to know about you before becoming friends?

#me #tag game #get to know your mutuals #i guess

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queenofthefullmoon · 5 years

Text

An exhaustive list of Dark Souls II: Scholar of the First Sin bosses I would or would not date

The Last Giant

Listen… The Last Giant has No Face. I like dating people who have faces. Also, his arms detach and he’s like, at least 10 meters taller than me, so I think that would be a hazard. I think he’s more in need of a friend than a romantic partner. I’d gladly sit down with him and discuss his feelings, but we are not meant to date.

The Pursuer

The Pursuer is great because he’s just so… Rotund. He’s shaped like a friend. Or maybe… More than a friend… He’s got a biggass sword that glows blue, which is great if you need to get up at night to get water or a snack, and a big shield he can use to protect you from the hot Drangleic sun when you’re on a date. You never have to worry about losing him because HE WILL FIND YOU. I think he’s a catch.

Dragonrider

He almost didn’t make it in the list of bosses I would date, but encountering him so often made me have a soft spot for him. Plus he’s a little bit round and I’ve gotta say. Rotundness is where it’s at. He’s fun to fight so I feel like you could have some fun jousts together and then chill… And go, like, I don’t know, ride dragons*? Fun couple activities.

*although dragonrider is his name I’m not sure we saw any dragonrider ride a dragon so this is a shot in the dark

Old Dragonslayer

The Old Dragonslayer has a very sexy armor, I’ll give him that, but he 1. Has a furry mask (a terrible fashion faux pas that I cannot forgive) 2. Is just sitting in the Cathedral of Blue while a DRAGON is outside, unslayed, which says something about the quality of his work. I had to kill the dragon myself, while the Old Dragonslayer was sitting around… Being old, I guess. Not for me.

Flexile Sentry

DISGUSTING AND WRONG.

Ruin Sentinel

The Ruin Sentinels are arguably the sexiest armor bosses in all of Dark Souls II: Scholar of the First Sin. Something about these long lads and their eldritch identities and behaviors just tickles me the right way. The shape of their helmets looks a little bit like a turtle which gives them just enough cuteness while not taking away from the fact that I’m absolutely terrified of them and that they are in fact very scary (which is good). They’re also very tall which means they can carry me around and make me feel tall too. Definitely a good thing in a partner.

Belfry Gargoyles

I wouldn’t date the Belfry Gargoyles, but I’d be friends with them. I feel like they’d be fun at a sleepover. Girl’s night! Girl’s night!

Lost Sinner

I’d date the Lost Sinner. It might be a little bit controversial because yes she is a little bit nasty, I’m aware of that, but I think she just needs a little bit of company. I don’t want to change her, I love her right like she is, but if she wants me to teach her how to shower, I might just do it! I am a little bit biased because she’s got a big sword that looks really cool? Perhaps.

Executioner’s Chariot

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO

Skeleton Lords

I think the Skeleton Lords are neat but I don’t really see myself dating them. Firstly, I’m not a skeleton fucker, so that puts a little bit of distance between us (given that they are in fact skeletons). They also have an army of skeleton children, which I’m just not ready to raise. I’m trying to find a date, not to become a skeleton mom. I feel like we’d be great friends though, I’d probably invite them over so they can practice their standup routine at my house while they leave their 30 skeletons children with the babysitter and we can like drink wine or something.

Covetous Demon

I would not date the Covetous Demon, but I would keep him as a mean dog in my yard to discourage my enemies from entering my property.

Baneful Queen Mytha

I’d be all here for the sniddies if Mytha kept her head on her neck but alas she is headless.

Smelter Demon

Mh… Yes. He’s big and large and he’s got horns. He could put me up on his shoulder and walk around and I’d be warm up there. Sounds like nothing but a good time.

Old Iron King

Ngghghhh….. I wanna say no but he is Ripped… Absolutely jacked! I’m also a hoe for horns and wings! What can I say. Call me out if I ever make fun of scalies again? (im gonna do that like in a few paragraphs anyway)

Scorpioness Najka

Given the fact that her own fiancé, made miserable by her, asks you to murder her, I don’t think Najka is a fine romantic partner. In addition to that, even though I was here for sniddies, scorpions are scary and gross me out, so no, I would not date Scorpioness Najka.

The Duke’s Dear Freja

She’ll remain dear to the Duke only and she is NOT invited in my yard.

Royal Rat Authority

Wouldn’t date the big rat that makes all of the rules, but similarly to the Covetous Demon, having him on my property to scare people away would be pretty neat.

Prowling Magus and The Congregation

Prowling Magus has a SICK aesthetic I can absolutely get behind (« look at my cool sorcerer boyfriend wearing his goat helmet ») and I’ve stated before I Am a Hoe for horns so we could have something going on.

The Congregation is however BANNED from this house so since they’re probably his buddies that would most likely be a point of tension. Ultimately it might be better for me to keep a platonic relationship with Prowling Magus, as I do not want hollows to crawl on my floor when he invites his friends over.

The Rotten

Oh no lol

Looking Glass Knight

NNNYES absolutely I would date the Looking Glass Knight. He’s not only really cool looking and a Very Dramatic Man (standing in the rain when you meet him… the scenery… the atmosphere… he knows how to make an entrance), but he’d also be a great person to bring with you for a night out.

Exhibit A: he’s really fucking tall and scary which would dissuade anyone from approaching you uninvited

Exhibit B : he carries a FULL BODY mirror around everywhere which means you can fix your hair and/or makeup at any time without needing a shitty pocket mirror or going to the bathroom

Exhibit C : if you need help he can summon a limitless amount of people through his mirror

Just a great partner all around.

Demon of Song

Ohhhhhh noooooo Lord nooooooooooooooo please! Please spare me

Velstadt, the Royal Aegis

Velstadt is very loyal (a real man for following Vendrick all the way to the Undead Crypt) and he’s also very tall, very large, very strong, and very stylish (see the scales cape he wears). I would’ve put him at the top of the date list, but he’s no dating material — he’s husband material. A little downside is that he might put his job before me but I get it. It’s career before everything. I will not limit my husband’s ambitions.

King Vendrick

Vendrick is taken by an eldritch entity and still very much in love with her despite the fact that she destroyed his kingdom and brought the entire civilization down and also caused him to become a war criminal and kill a pacific race of giants all on his own like a big boy so I’m not very interested in him.

Guardian Dragon & Ancient Dragon

I’m putting them together because they essentially boil down to the same thing : I’d offer them a home but I wouldn’t date them. The Guardian Dragon can stay outside and be feral with everyone else that I put in the yard, while the Ancient Dragon can have his own room and like is invited for tea sometimes, but that’s all.

Giant Lord

See Last Giant

Throne Defender & Watcher

I’m a little bit torn on this one because I’m experiencing bisexual panic. We’ve got cool large dude with a beard ; cool slender lady that jumps around everywhere ; they could both beat me up and they both look hot, help me. However, I have to say if I had to pick I’d got with the Throne Watcher because she is hot and looks slightly cooler. I’ve always wanted a very tall wife who could suplex me into the sun, which she could do in a heartbeat.

On the other hand, they do look like a power couple that I’d love to have for dinner and I’d hate to break them up while there are so many fish in the sea and they look so great with each other.

Nashandra

Human Nashandra looks pretty and soft, however anyone who witnessed my first blind playthrough of Dark Souls II: Scholar of the First Sin will tell you that she did not have me fooled and I was very wary of her from the beginning. Anyone who has witnessed my first fight with her looking very skeletal will also tell you that I screamed « WHAT IS THAT » for at least 5 minutes, so that probably gives you an idea of if I’d date her or not.

Also, her weapon of choice is a scythe, which looks cool, but is very unpractical, and just for this fatal mistake, she becomes undatable.

Darklurker

Wings… Four arms = twice the hugs… Cool hood… Yes…

Elana the Squalid Queen

She’s nasty and told me I was undeserving of the mire, which is pretty mean of her. Even if she thinks it, she could at least be nice about it. I would not date her.

Sinh the Slumbering Dragon

Sinh is BANNED from this house because he’s not just feral, he’s RABID and POISONOUS and if I let him live in the yard he could poison my entire property and I do not want that.

Fume Knight

Alas! The Fume Knight looks really cool and has a pretty sexy armor, but tales say that he was infatuated with another woman (whether he met her when she was already an Ashen Idol or not remains a mystery but I’m no one to judge his taste in women). I respect people’s crushes so I will let him be in love with whoever he fancies and they may come over for dinner, as long as they behave.

Aava, Lud and Zallen, the King’s pet

They are very welcome to live in the yard. They may come inside the house, but they are not allowed on the couch.

Burnt Ivory King

No… He loved his wife very much… I’d invite them over for dinner and MAYBE try to seduce one of his knights (they have sexy armors, what can I say).

Aldia, Scholar of the First Sin

Aldia is a weird dude and I wouldn’t feel safe around him. I think he’d probably kidnap me while I’m asleep and go do some experiments on me in his cursed mansion. It’s a no from me chief. Not to mention the fact that he’s a… tree?

Afflicted Graverobber, Ancient Soldier Varg, and Cerah the Old Explorer

I wouldn’t date them, even though their armors are pretty sexy, simply because they seem like a good group of friends and I wouldn’t feel comfortable inserting myself in the group. I think I’d even be too shy to befriend them, but if they wanna come by my house and have a good time, they’re welcome to do so.

Blue Smelter Demon

See Smelter Demon, but with more vigor because this one is blue.

Sir Alonne

Yeah… he’s got the eldritch factor that I like in the Ruin Sentinels while also seeming more human and he’s also a pretty stylish man. I feel like he’s one of the strongest contestants in the game and he wouldn’t mind my long nose, as he’s got one himself. Pretty sexy armor and he is a man of honor. Definitely a yes.

#oh boy i did it!#dark souls #dark souls 2 #dark souls 2: scholar of the first sin #blue's adventures #my posts #what can i say i love lists #ds2

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