#funny stuff bg3

[merrinla]

Portrait spamming

Recent discovery. If you click on the portraits of the characters like crazy, they will react to it. And the developers had a lot of fun coding these reactions xD

Tav / Dark Urge

normal - I'm awake! Mostly. - I'm starting to get a headache. - Must be the tadpole. - Quit knocking around in there! - A thousand needlepricks in my rotten skull.

combat -Ahhhhhhhh! Okay, I feel better. - I have an itch in the worst place. - Is being a mind flayer so bad? - Just waiting to venture forth here. - I'm maiming as fast as I can!

stealth - What's that ticking? - Is it me? Am I ticking? - Bomb in my head about to go off. Great. - Ah, well. I had a good run.

Astarion

normal - Why do beautiful people taste better? It hardly seems fair on the ugly - they have such wonderful personalities. - Ugh. Strahd wouldn't put up with this shit. - More like Drizzt Don't'Urden - no. No that's not funny. - Villains! Dissemble no more, I admit the deed! Tear up the floor - here, here! It is the beating of his hideous hea- oh, no, that's his brain. Where did I leave that heart?

combat: - I'm trying to focus on murder. - *Humming.* - I shot a svirfneblin in Menzoberranzan just to watch him die. - I should've been a drow. They have such stylish armour.

stealth - Shhh. Just think sneaky thoughts. - Shut up, shut up, SHUT UP. - Be very, very quiet - I'm hunting idiots. - I've got a brand new torture chamber, so come and play with me.

Karlach

normal - NOTE TO ACTOR/DIRECTOR: Blow a raspberry at the player. - Don't. Poke. The Karlach. - Who am I? - My eye!

combat - Eyes on the prize - we need to win this! - Not every soldier should've made it out of training. - Eyes on victory, tummy on dinner. - I ought to just burn this whole thing down.

stealth - My back can't take much more of this. - Not now, I'm being a sneak! - I'm getting too old for this nonsense. - I'm not built to crouch.

Gale

normal - I hope Halaster takes good care of Tara while I'm away. - Sembian wine; Cormyrian boar; Waterdhavian conversation. It's the little things you miss while on the road. - Oh, what a tangled Weave we web! - All the world's my stage and you're just a player in it.

combat - Just go for the Magic Missile and fire away. Never fails. - Don't make me go all Edwin Odesseiron on you. - Get. Out. Of. My. Head. - I really wish I could cast a Hold spell on you.

stealth - You made me hide, don't make me come seek you. - Gods, it's like trying to sleep with a mosquito in the room. - A little privacy please. - Stop it - that tickles.

Wyll

normal - Could do for a brew. - Where there's a 'Wyll', there's a 'y'. - Ever get the sense that someone's watching? - So two halflings walk under a bar...

combat - Can't hear myself think! - Wear your scars proudly. - As my father once told me: 'Can we get on with it?' - I find moderation is key.

stealth - Bad time for an itch. - Could do for a brew. - So two halflings walk under a bar... - Shush. No, really. Shush.

Lae'zel

normal - Must everyone be so exhausting? - Weapons high. Standards higher. - Is perfection too much to ask? - Pride is a virtue.

combat - I will know my queen! - There is no right or wrong, only truth. - What is the point, if not victory? - You are right to fear me.

stealth - Hush already. - There is no wisdom in madness. - Is perfection too much to ask? - There is but one way. Vlaakith.

Shadowheart

all modes - I wonder how I'll feel when I remember everything. - Strange. I've had more freedom this past while than my whole life... - Have to keep focused. Can't afford to get attached - to anyone. - If I succeed, maybe I'll be allowed a pet... ugh, stop being silly.

Halsin / his voice is currently bugged :(

normal - What I would not give for a chunk of fresh honeycomb... - Such attention... I never realised I was so popular. - Are you feeling lonely, perhaps? - Unwise, perhaps, to poke a bear this much...

сombat - Battle is afoot - you can poke me once we are safe. - Perhaps try attacking the enemy? - Admirable stamina, yet terrible priorities. - You are insistent, are you not?

stealth - Most consider it unwise to poke a bear. - My, you are eager, are you not? - Please. I am trying to be stealthy. - Calm yourself. There is plenty of me to go around.

Jaheira

normal - Oh, calm down. I'm happy to see you too. - I would poke you back, but I fear that's what you want. - My, such strong wrists. - Well you certainly have the 'omnipresent' part down, don't you? - Please go poke the ranger instead.

combat - You have my attention - now do something with it. - What? What do you want!? - Do you know, I begin to wish they had never brought me back. - Yes, yes, have your fun. It isn't you they're trying to kill.

stealth - Dry those sweaty palms and let us try this again, shall we? - Argh, my knees! Oh. It was a twig. - Would that I could hide from you, too. - Careful, or I will take your toy away from you.

Minsc

normal - ARGH! My EYE, Boo! They went for my EYE! - Know that if you poke Boo, no higher dimension will keep you safe! - Heehee. Heeheeheehee. - Well, Boo? How do you want to do this?

сombat - Are you perchance a squeaky wheel in need of a kick? - I am armed! Armoured! And entirely sick of your foolishness. - I begin to grow annoyed. It is well for you that Boo does not let me learn the bad words! - Ignore them, Boo. Let them gaze deep into their own abyss, and wonder just what it is they are trying to achieve.

stealth - A little to the left? But not so hard you make me giggle. - Boo...? Are you dancing down there, or...? - Hush! I am surprising Boo for his birthday! He is... uh... eh... how old do hamsters get...? - I am the night. A pity, then, that it is so bright out.

Minthara

all modes - You had my attention, now you have my fury. - Phlar Lolth ssinssrickla. - Your suffering will be spectacular. - Stop, or die.

[nuka-rockit]

something that is so funny to me is the solution to the "why does Durge have amnesia" subplot

no mystical curse, no magic potion, not a spell, no elaborate divine retribution for your failures.

no, Orin just got a really sharp stick, poked a hole in your skull and and got you an improv lobotomy . and put a worm in there

and every character who gets a chance to examine you basically goes WHOA there chief your brain is fucked up. like. thats just straight up brain damage. i cant fix that

[morelikebaldursgay]

Everyone loves to accuse Gale of mainsplaining when he's literally just infodumping. He's not sexist he's just neurodivergent!

[taygra5shaon]

Would love to see an au where your durge was able to save orin and they could be siblings who arent doomed to kill one another

Hello Anon, and sorry for the late reply! didn't mean to, but I had a lot of things to do...🥲 still, thanks you for the kind words, you are amazing!❤️

so, an AU were Orin could be saved is not really believable, seen her fanatic behavior, but just for the love of the the 'what if' i think she will join the fight against the absolute only because her brother is set on doing it.

just like befriending Minthara, not everyone will be ok with her ( the companion she kidnapped and Jaheira they will be against her and I think the approval rate of Durge will take a heavy hit because of that), but I think that everyone would do an effort to stand her, just for Durge.

here a scene of this AU that I thought when I read your comment 🙃:

[pyjamaenzel]

I was talking to my partner about how Lae'zel probably started out fighting like she was solo--just killing the enemy right in front of her and moving on to the next. At some point she started to pick up on group synergy. I like to imagine the first time she actually stepped in to defend another party member directly, everyone present had an awakening of sorts.

[lunian]

I'm gonna burn somewhere worse than Hell and its my SHAME FOR TRYING IT

If a game has it so... He is not saying he is against Tav themself participating in it, thats what curious about it, THERES NO EVEN -1 DISSAPROVAL IN A WHOLE SCENE (like it would be with other more monogamous character)

MY MAN DONT BE SO EMBARASSED OMFGGGG *cries from shame with him*

Thats a high level activation of one freaky wizard's secret desires

EVEN IF HALSIN JOINS???

HE IS THE MOST INSANE PERSON TO ROMANCE WITH (VERY AFFECTIONATELY, LIKE ACTUALLY BC GODDAMN WHAT)

[carryoncastiel]

Couple of screenshots of these two because I need you to look at how cute they are okay

[fuccboitroy]

“Cursed to put my hands on everything” DAMN RIGHT!!! What if I need it later?

These books are 90% of Gale’s inventory, Astarion has more jewels and gold than a dragon, Karlach and Lae’zel have every weapon from everyone they’ve ever killed, Shadowheart has more gear than memories lost, Wyll is drowning in scrolls, and I have so many booze that I wake up drunk after every long rest.

[praesaepe]

when people draw astarion without wrinkles this is all i see

[ruushes]

(giggling and twirling their hair) haha tell me more about how you'd kill me though 🥰💕🫀

[merrinla]

Minthara and Halsin have finally solved the tent issue.

Minthara: Are you a third child? Halsin: You can have the tent. I'm content to sleep underneath the stars.

Credit: @thepinkione

[andrewknightley]

EDIT: Some people are saying maybe this is new leaked stuff and will appear later so do not trust me in anything

So apparently before it was programmed (but never implemented) that if you did very specific things and got halsin in your group and recruited minthara, he made you choose him or her

but now he has no problem with her at all wich its a bit... ok

[hot-pota-toes]

Astarion would make sure that you're hydrated. Not because he actually cares about your health, but because he wants to feed on you later and doesn't want your blood to be too thick.

[lyristartist]

Some random stuff of Astarion from the Advent Calendar I did during December on Tiktok!

[ride-a-dromedary]

I personally think a nice way to give us more chances to talk to Halsin in Act 3 is giving us the option to ask him for a new story from his 350 years of life, and we get a new tidbit of information that changes based on how high his approval is, or whether or not he's being romanced. If the approval is low, he shares little or refuses. I want a chance to hear about how much he studies, meditates, and hibernates and not just the salacious parts!

[optiwashere]

Much as I adore Asheera/Shadowheart I’m gonna also throw my hat in for the Moon Lesbians and say A6 for Aylin x Isobel 🌙

No worries, I expected this if you were to send in a prompt. Thanks for requesting this one! 💜

---

A6. Gift giving (this turned out pretty goofy and borderline cracky)

"Aylin, it's quite thoughtful of you, but—"

"Is it not? The merchant I met betwixt this inn and the bazaar in the square remained adamant of the quality of his wares."

Isobel stared at the thin box of cosmetics in her hands. She opened the lid again to make sure she'd seen things correctly. Confirming the splotchy, dull colors in mismatched squares and array of thin brushes, she sealed it tight and looked back to Aylin.

Aylin smiled. Beamed, more like. Like most other things in her life, she took to gift giving as if it were the most important task laid on her shoulders. When Isobel was involved, the entire process became a vital quest rather than a pleasant thought.

"Is there with my gift a fault?" Aylin asked. "Why have you not tried donning it?"

"Aylin, as I said, this was so very thoughtful of you, but it's... it looks as if you've bought counterfeits," explained Isobel.

At that, Aylin's face turned to a grimace. "Swindled by one who would slip past my most righteous gaze?"

"Aylin, it's not that serious, I promise. You simply don't know anything about cosmetics."

"That is no excuse to abdicate my duty." Aylin stomped to the door of their room in the House of the Moon. "We must hie ourselves to the bazaar. There is yet another evil in this wretched city that must be punished."

"And we're the ones to stop it?"

"Of course, my darling," said Aylin matter-of-factly, turning to leave. "Who knows what may lurk beneath an operation such as this."

As Isobel followed her out into the hall, she wished she had said nothing but her thanks for the gift. Now, it seemed, Aylin decided to gift them both with yet another evening of searching every corner of the city for the faintest remaining traces of Sharran influence.