#futureless things

[trinity0finite]

Right Now - Yu Jimin

Nonidol!Jimin x Biker!Reader

Desc- you hated party and admitting you're in the wrong, going to a party to save and apologise to your potential future wife? pfft..

tags: redflag simp reader bc thats the only thing i can seem to write 🥰, Jimin keeps you in check, super fine karina, my woman jimin, non!idol!au, i love bikes, i need my own fr, kinda petty and dumb reader ig, reader simps for karina and we get that, mommy rina haha..

note/ sorry if this sucks, my bipolar ass keep changing the plot

pushing past these sweaty, futureless people was one of the least thing you wanna do. but to save your potential future wife? you'd do just about anything.

but just because you two got into an argument doesn't mean she can just show up to your friend's party with another dude and not tells you about it.

you knew it was your fault, you broke a promise but for her to show up with the one guy you asked her to stay away from was too far.

now, you had a mission apologise, kiss her, make up,then kiss her again, and then make out or do something more.

suddenly a body bumped into yours, liquid spilled all over you which heightened your rage even more. and it turns out to be Choi Yeonjun.

The male turned around to face you, his eyes widened to see your glare, and hardened jaw. he rushes to use his hand to wipe the wet fabric of your leather jacket which makes you livid.

"sorry! sorry!" he continuously cries out.

Jay who was behind you could only suck in a breath and prepare for what's about to happen.

and the only thought on your mind was,

why was he using his dirty hand to touch you?

you grimaced before pushing the boy off of you with crazed amount of force, he bumped into another and they both fell to the ground, catching the other people's attention at the party and paused their dancing to check out the commotion.

"Ah you fucking-!" you gritted through your teeth and glare at the green hair boy who was shock.

as you were about to merge towards the boy, a hand on your chest stopped you. you paused, looking at the owner of the hand to see it was non other then the Yu Jimin.

"Jimin-ah.." you muttered out hopelessly, as your eyes landed on her. breath caught in your throat, even with an angry frown on her face she manages to still be the most beautiful woman you had ever laid your eyes on.

she was mad at you but she was still wearing the same matching black leather jacket you both got, you fell for her even more.

without even replying, she pulls you by your leather jacket and fast walking away from the crowd.

it was quiet, too quiet for your liking as karina stared at you with the most disappointing stare that almost made you whimper.

you were stronger and certainly not smaller than her, but something about her make you weak in the knees. maybe its the way she looks, the way she smiles, the way her eyes sparkle, the way her lips looks, the way she handles you emotionally, the way she wears your clothes — lets go back to what's happening.

"were you going to fight again?" you winced at her strong tone and look down at your feet.

"he-he spilled his drink all over me.." you muttered out trying to get out of another situation of Jimin scolding you. you came here to apologise after all.

"it a party, they're drunk, it was an accident." the fact that she wasn't shouting at you scared you even more. you shivered at the deja vu with your mom.

it was even scarier because your mom actually likes Jimin for you.

"im sorry.." you whispered quietly, still not meeting her eyes making her sigh.

"look at me." she demanded, her hands on her hips.

instead, you didn't do as she says and got on your knees, in front of her, your head tilted up. her eyes widened to say she was shock was an understatement. because, you are the biggest, pettiest spoiled brat that she had ever seen. yet here you were, on your knees infront of her.

"please forgive me." you begged your voice breaks as you held onto her hand. "please baby come back to me, 'm sorry"

"i fucked up, i'll change." you admits it, you fucked up because you promised her to not get in any other fight, and you still did anyway. "i'll change for you, i'll change for us."

somehow, Jimin's heart swell in adoration, she wasn't supposed to feel like this, but she couldn't help it. you looked like a sad, kicked puppy, begging her to come back to you.

and now she confirmed it, underneath all of that tough interior, you were just a puppy. (not pet play)

she knelt down infront of you, hands cupping your cheeks to make you meets her eyes. the way you melt into her hand make it harder for her to control herself.

"i forgive you," she whispered, and you feels like thousand of weight had been lifted off of you. "but you need to keep your promise to me, you won't ever get into any other fights ever again."

with the way you quickly nodded your head, with your eyes wide almost made Jimin cooed.

Jimin slowly bring your face closer to hers, and the way you sigh in relief when your lips meet hers, it had felt like years of not feeling her lips on yours.

"my mom was going to kill me when she heard from jay that we got into an argument.." you muttered out of nowhere, against her lips.

"you deserved it." and her mumbled against yours, hand sneaking up to your fluffy hair and tugged it back, whimpers.

[aihoshiino]

chapter 153 thoughts

Heads up, this chapter review contains canon typical discussions of abuse, CSA and suicidal ideation.

Chapters Since The 143 Kiss Happened And Went Entirely Unacknowledged And Unaddressed Count: Ten! TEN chapters since the 143 kiss happened and went entirely unacknowledged and unaddressed! Ah hah hah! [<- read this in count von count's voice]

Aqua Hoshigan Status: (Still) white

LET'S

FUCKING

GO

After like 140 chapters and an RPF jumpscare, we finally get a continuation of 152's impromptu father-son therapy session and start digging into the real deal no bullshit Kamiki Hikaru's brain and his relationship with Ai. A lot of the stuff laid out here are things that I had personally speculated about in prior posts and it once again feels really satisfying to see that I've been keyed into what the series has been laying out for its characters now we're getting some answers.

Before digging into the meat of things, the usual shout out to Mengo's art for this chapter. I am repeating myself on this point to the extent that I say "i know I say mengo's art is really good every chapter, but" every chapter but holy fuck, dawg. The expression work, especially on Kamiki and Airi is so fucking good and the way it contrasts the movie's portrayal of those events is insanely effective. I am Once Again begging the universe to conspire events such that Mengo draws a horror manga someday pleeeeeease I have been so good

kamiki's production house being called EYES is so on the nose it looped back to being genuinely hilarious to me.

Honestly this chapter is soooooo hard to talk about w/o me wanting to just break down every single line of dialogue in it and I already know i'm gonna go sicko mode talking about the flashback so I'll broad strokes it for now. What I WILL say is that Hikaru fucking quoting the opening monologue of the series got me right in the gut. These last two chapters have been really laying it on thick with the volume 1 callbacks and while this too is ridiculously on the nose it did make me start barking like a fucking dog so who's to say if it's really good or bad.

Hikaru's POV here in general is just fascinating. It's so juicy finally getting some insight into his weird little brain right from the man himself. The way he's characterized here - or rather, the way Hikaru chooses to characterize himself - is extremely compelling. He seems resigned and weary, almost - surrendering himself to the role of the despicable villain with a sort of wry self-awareness that got a bit of a dark chuckle out of me.

What's most interesting though is the final exchange between the two of them. Hikaru dismissing the idea that Ai ever loved him is understandable but what really jumped out to me was Aqua's respose to this - he honestly seems like… not just confused but almost mad that Hikaru supposedly still doesn't understand Ai's true feelings.

also. can i just say. i earnestly and genuinely thought the DVDs had been completely forgotten and were never going to come back up. what a jumpscare.

real bold of aqua to say this is nonfiction after the whole rpf debacle btw

We transition at last into an actual honest to god flashback to his past from Hikaru's actual POV, the likes of which I didn't think we'd ever get lol. I take Hikaru's lack of quibbles with his portrayal in the movie and that the flashback begins at Airi and Uehara's funeral as an indication from the story that 15YL's portrayal of Hikaru and those events is true enough that it doesn't need to relitigate them and thus, we can analyze this flashback with those events as context.

Something I couldn't help but notice immediately is that Hikaru's hoshigans start off as white this chapter. Given the future/hope (white) futurelessness/despair (black) dichotomy the last handful of chapters seem to have cemented, I think this makes a lot of sense in representing that while Hikaru is certainly not over his trauma, he seems able to conceptualize a future for himself now that he isn't bound to Airi; he has escaped her grasp. Or so he's able to believe, for a moment.

God, Hikaru's little meltdown once he spots Taiki is so heartbreaking. Kindaichi obviously means well, but his words must have sounded like a horrifying curse to Hikaru - the idea that for the rest of his life, he would never escape what Airi did to him.

hikaru begging ai to save him is soooooooo…… augugugugugh. this is all in line with what i'd predicted for their relationship but seeing it actually on page is such a gut punch. I just feel so fucking sorry for both these kids - both of them so desperately hurt and trying to heal and struggling in their own ways.

Because like… man! Not to be like "this rape victim's trauma is so hard for this other person to deal with" but… yeah, I'm really glad that even in just the framing, OnK makes it clear what a tremendous weight and pressure this is on Ai. I've talked before about the potential for her need to love and be loved to lead her into unhealthy and codependent dynamics and I think the HKAI relationship (as seen from Hikaru's POV) is exactly the sort of thing I was imagining.

With that in mind, even though we haven't seen her side of the story (YET……. IF WE GET AI POV NEXT WEEK AUUUUAUAU CAN YOU EVE N IMAGINE), it's not hard for me to imagine why Ai might have needed to withdraw. Because the sort of love Hikaru wants from her - something utterly all consuming, all encompassing, a world containing only two people and shutting out everything else - is not something she can or wants to provide. She's too full of compassionate curiosity for other people to give her love exclusively to one person alone… especially if a certain two troublemaking twins are already in the mix.

Admittedly this is as far as I can go in my analysis of this bit until we actually see how the breakup as a whole went down because I am admittedly still very confused as to the timeline here lol. The impression I'd always gotten was that Ai and Hikaru broke up before the twins were born, but the pacing of the flashback places it after Airi died, which we know wasn't super long before the Dome concert but I feel like Hikaru looks way too fucking young to be like a 17-19yo person here…. so who even knows. Hopefully we'll get some clarification next chapter. In ether case, I do think the twins threw a wrench into the HKAI relationship one way or another so I guess we'll see.

The fact that we're actually getting the real deal HKAI breakup happening on-panel also makes me feel a bit less insane about the Movie Arc skipping over that in recording (though I still ain't ever gonna forgive not focusing on how everyone felt about filming Ai's death even when we do see the final product). That said, I do still have issues with it that I talked about in an ask just the other day so I'll just repeat what I said: "Not only is [the HKAI breakup and the 'I can't love you'] line given a huge amount of weight, so is the fact that Aqua and Ruby had seemingly misinterpreted or even actively twisted it. If that’s the case then I’d say it’s even MORE important for us to have seen what 15YL’s version of events looked like so the contrast with the real thing can hit all the harder."

We already saw that with this chapter having a page very strongly echoing a similar one from the Movie Arc, a direct representation of the real version of events the movie fictionalized and it hits like a truck. I mentioned it up top but fuck, man. Hikaru and Airi's faces here are incredible. Hikaru's blank, innocent expression contrasted with that vile grin on Airi's face with her hair splayed everywhere… if Frill's portrayal of her was like a snake, the real thing made me think of some kind of spider.

That same page also seems to imply that Hikaru didn't only suffer abuse under Airi but may have suffered CSA prior to meeting her that caused him to become hypersexual. This is, unfortunately, in line with the way a lot of CSA victims will cope with their abuse and it really surprised me to see this aspect of it portrayed the way it was with Hikaru - already an exceptionally rare sympathetic and tasteful portrayal of a male CSA victim's experiences in manga. I've said over and over that I'm really impressed with how OnK is handling this aspect of the story but it really does continue to catch me by surprise.

Hikaru only ever to hear 'I love you' as a lie, while Ai can only ever say it as a lie… ouuughhh that's juicy.

Moving on a bit, the Ruby/Hikaru parallels are still going strong… Hikaru's insistence that so long as he has Ai he can endure anything very strongly echoes Ruby's speech in 143 about how if she has Gorou, her oshi, then that's all she needs. This means Aqua/Ai parallel stonks are on the rise which makes me very happy. I also hope this is a lead in to more directly addressing something that has been quiet subtext for a while - how destructive the pressure of being someone's singular saviour can be and how unhealthy this dynamic is, even for the person being saved. The idea that isolation and a lacking support system causes dysfunction is something we see sort of gestured at across the series so I'd love to see OnK explore codependency more explicitly through this angle, too.

No break next week…! Going by the editor's note in the JP version of the chapter, it looks like we'll be continuing this flashback and getting some of Ai's perspective so I'm really looking forward to it. After what a slog to keep up with the Movie Arc turned into, it feels sooooo fucking refreshing to be getting material I feel excited and energized to chew on. It sure did take until the last arc to explore some of this though, huh………..

hey ai. why did you break up with your boyfriend while you were brushingyour teeth. are you okay.

[millportdingo]

TSC Motifs/Themes/Whatever

Dogs

Starved dog, leash metaphors, cardboard dog, obedience. I think Jean represented as an obedient, loyal dog is pretty straight-forward. I think it's interesting that in the extra content, Nora described him as an angry cat when he came to Evermore. He left as a starved and beaten dog. I wonder where this arc goes, though. Like, he takes a chain around his neck from Renee -per Neil's philosophy, is this "collar" his first reason not to slip the [Moriyama investment] leash? Also Jeremy has always wanted a dog. I guess this piece is a little harder for me to wrap my head around, maybe I'm overthinking it, but maybe he's the right kind of [s]Dom[/s] [s]owner[/s] person for Jean. He has the authority "I'm your captain," but he pairs it with an equalizer "I'm your partner". He pushes Jean, but he holds the hard boundaries. He's intrigued by Jean's scoop neck deep blue shirt - I think partly for the personal growth to wear color and partly because it allows him to see Jean's collarbone. He shivers with the sound of "Yes, Jeremy." I wonder if "my mom is allergic to dogs" is foreshadowing his family's reaction to Jean.

2. Safety

Neil's arc was about hope, finding a future in a futureless situation. Jeremy's had an idea of the future, the perfect court, but his big thing is safety. "Safe" and its variations appear in TSC 48 times. This boy is really not asking for much, but Jeremy makes him feel safer which is just too sweet. Also, tighten those screws for safety..

3. Childhood

At the beginning of the book, Jean knows immediately that he is not in the Nest, because he knows every inch of it. He feels like he knows everything about the world and he often insults people by calling them children. His childhood innocence was stolen from him at the Nest, and outside of it, he regains pieces of it. He wonders at the vastness of the world, he learns skills he never had before (shopping, cooking). I had a hard time when I found out he was 19 (ie 14 and 16 at the time of some really unpleasant things). I didn't understand why he had to be two years younger. But the protection and corruption of innocence is a big part of his story. We see that acutely with his sister's story and it allows him to turn on his parents without guilt. The duck/duckling motif is cute too. When he first comes to Evermore, Thea describes him as a little duckling. He associates little yellow ducks with his childhood and baby sister.

4. Air?

Being able to breathe is core to the safety thing. When Jean feels least safe, he can't breathe. One of his earliest revelations about being Riko's pet was the buried alive punishment, and pressing his face against the sparse airholes. Then there's the waterboarding thing. You'll see Jean mentions being unable to breathe when he feels threatened and grabs at his throat. Conversely his happy things include breeze and open sky (rainbow and the open road). When Grayson appears, Jean says he can no longer feel the breeze, and he is particularly disturbed by the neck biting. There are lots of throat and neck things going on in the book too and maybe it's a stretch but burning (ie eating away at oxygen) comes up several times too.

[winged-void]

Thinking about the return in disco elysium. The feeling all the oppressed and downtrodden and those with no hope have to hope for anyway. Any month now things will get better and they'll stay that way.

Thinking about a game set in a city with no hope and no future in the most hopeless and futureless district in that city where you play as maybe the most hopeless and futureless man among all of these hopeless and futureless people but they set it in early spring. Not the end but the beginning.

[lorifragolina]

A Hallmark Christmas Movie in Summer

And now, we're almost there! The poll spoke up and I'm posting the last corner of my first @harringrovesummerbingo card! I had so much fun writing this one, it's my favourite, because both of them are so silly and stupid and funny, and I adored Max, she is a little brat, affectionately!

I love Hallmark Christmas movies and they are perfect for one of them, witha little summer twist!

Title: A Hallmark Christmas Movie in Summer

Square & Prompt: C1 "Caught in a thunderstorm"

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 3679

Major Tags: Idiot to lovers, Hallmark cheesiness, plant shop.

Summary: One is a successful professional person in a big city, probably already an associate, with a healty, handsome neurosurgeon partner. The other is a ripped lumberjack or something similar, living in the same old little Midwest village, maybe not so educated but really good at feeling. One returns home for Christmas and the other turns their entire world "upside down". Now make it in Summer, the one is a bit of a loser and the other is a sort of ripped lumberjack in the same old little Midwest village... Could a thunderstorm draw Steve and Billy near each other?

Read it in AO3

Perfect. Just perfect.

The day couldn’t go worse. 

Not only that, he left his card at the reception of the hotel that morning, so he had to come back  after a three hour drive. Not only he forgot to stop at the last gas station when that red light of the battery turned on, so now the car was at side of the road, out of power, and he just noticed that he left the house’s key inside, but now, the sky was becoming black and silver, the cold air was blowing against him and he could see the lightnings and hear the thunders really near. He was in the fucking middle of nowhere, alone, frightened, and lost.

Well, lost… he probably would prefer being lost. He crossed the “Hawkins” city sign and sighed. 

His parents had sold his childhood home and he came back there to see it for the last time, to take the last things he wanted to keep; he got the chance to take a break from his shitty life in Denver, where his girlfriend had just dumped him for another, less loser, guy, he lost another dead-end job in a insolvent company and he had just to leave the tramp flat he couldn’t afford anymore.

Steve Harrington was coming back to Hawkins in the worst way: heart broken, broke, unemployed and futureless.

And soaking wet, because the dark sky melted down in a cold, heavy and pouring rain in a second, drenching him from head to toe and making him feel even more miserable. 

The city seemed empty and turned off; finally he saw the only open shop along the street that had a light inside and ran to it, opening the door wide at the ting of the little bells, and he took shelter inside.

“Fuck to this shitty city, fuck the rain!” he exclaimed while the door closed behind him, his hair still glued on his forehead and eyes, drippin miserably on the floor.

“And a good day to you too, Harrington”.

Steve’s heart skipped a beat, and he slowly raised his head, moving his wet hair with a hand.

He tried to say something, but words died in his throat and he stayed there, still like a statue, mouth opened, totally blanked.

His enemy, his nemesis, his senior year nightmare… his secret high school crush was there, at the other side of the bar, smirking at him with those perfect blank teeth, his pink lips, his soft flawless skin, his sparkling blue eyes and his blonde curls covered by a hanky, a short sleeves shirt that showed his tattooed toned arms, and a tattoo peeking out  from the collar too, and a black apron cover him and a bouquet of colorful flowers in his hands.

Steve looked around furtively, during an instant that seemed to last forever, to the shop he just entered; buckets of flowers in the floor, shelf with vases with various shades of green and in many shapes, a light floral scent of dried flowers and fresh water. 

He just invaded a plant shop, and Billy Hargove was in charge of it. 

Outside, the storm continued.

“Billy?” he finally murmured, and Billy smiled more, becoming more bright, if possible.

“Hi, Harringrove. Long time no see,” Billy finished the bouquet and smiled again, making Steve blush, and he noticed it, giggling. “Back home, finally,” he added.

Steve shivered, the water still dropping from him. “Just… just visiting my parent’s house… they… they…'' he looked around. “I’m sorry, I just wanted to take cover…”

Billy waved a hand. “Don’t worry. Typical summer thunderstorm”.

Steve could barely breathe, everything Billy said sounded terribly hot and flirty, but it was surely his fault because he didn’t expect to find him here, working between flowers and making a bouquet. He was golden tanned, and he wondered how he could get a color like this in a shithole like Hawkins.

“My car broke and I have…”

Billy smiled again and opened his mouth to answer, but in that moment the door opened again with the jingle of the bells. 

“Jesus Christ, everything happened to me! It always rains when I do some deliveries by foot, damn shit… oh”.

A short figure, covered by a yellow raincoat, dripping like Steve, had entered the shop cursing with a high pitch voice.

Max took off the hood, shaking off the water, and stared at Steve with the same surprise as him staring at her.

“Steve?” Max eyes darting to Billy.

“Hi… Hi, Max…”

“What’s going on?”sShe asked, while Steve was asking the same thing to himself.

“Steve’s car broke and he got caught by the rain like you,” Billy said in a warm, soft voice, and Steve shivered again. “He’s just visiting, right, Harrington?”

Steve nodded. “Yes, I…”

“Well, it’s late and I think nobody would come at this hour, so, what if we just close the shop for today?” Billy continued. 

Max hung the raincoat and took off the boots, smoothing her soaked hair. She shrugged and nodded, turning the sign on the door on “closed”.

“I better get going…” Steve took a step to the door, but Billy snickered a little.

“Oh, not at all, you can’t go around like a drowned rat. Max, can you tidy up while I help Harrington?”

Billy showed a door to Steve, and looked at Max with a crooked smile.

“Slut,” she mouthed.

Billy guided Steve upstairs stairs to the first floor.

“Do you live here?” Steve asked to break the ice.

“Yeah, it’s convenient with the shop. I thought you wanted to dry a little, you seem frozen”.

In fact, Steve felt the water dunking his hair and his clothes and he was beginning to teeth chattering. His hands were ice cold. 

“The bathroom is right there. I’ll get some more towels, if you want to take off those wet clothes”.

Steve kept telling himself that it was probably his fault because he was surprised and nervous, but Billy’s tone seemed really flirty.

He took off his shirt in the bathroom and opened the pants button, but he looked behind him and saw Billy standing there, looking at his narrow waist, some towels in his hands and a smirk in that pretty face.

“Please, don’t mind me, Harrington,” he purred. “We used to be teammates after all, don’t we?”

Steve blushed furiously. Yes, they used to be teammates and change in the same locker room, and he had a hard time in his senior year having Billy around. It took ages to understand that a part of this hate and intolerance against Billy was due to a little attraction too. It took ages for him to come out and accept his past crush on Hargrove.

And now he was half naked, embarrassed, in Billy’s bathroom, in Hawkins, the last place he expected to see Billy again, with his nasty look on his back.

“I’m afraid I don’t have many things that can fit you… but I can borrow you a tracksuit,” Billy entered the bathroom, closer to Steve, and left some clothes for him. “Do you need some underwear too?”

Steve felt his cheeks on fire. “No… I’m fine,” he tried to hide his face, dressing up quickly and drying a little more of his hair. 

“So you stay at the old Harrington manor?” asked Billy from the kitchen. 

“Yes… They are about to sell it and I’m checking…” he nervously went near the door. “I have to go now, I have to return to the car”.

“No way. I’m going with you and I’ll check on it.” Billy took his keys and made it clink, winking at Steve. 

“There’s no need…” Steve tried to brush aside Steve, but Billy nodded.

“Of course. I’m glad to help”.

Steve sighed and got in Billy’s car. He wasn’t surprised to see the infamous blue Camaro and to hear the roar of the gas that Billy liked so much in the old times. 

“It is the battery, nothing serious,” he said after checking the dashboard. “Luckily I have the jumper cables”.

Billy restarted Steve’s car and then cleaned his hand in his jeans, smiling at him. 

“Thank you so much, Billy”.

“No big deal,” Billy leant to his car but he didn’t feel like going away. He shared a little to Steve, who sat in his car, hands on the wheel, too embarrassed to stare back at him. 

“Well, Harrington, have a good time at Loch Nora,” Billy sighed finally, patting Steve’s car and opening the Camaro’s door. 

“Wait, Billy…” Steve gripped the wheel. “Can I… well, I’d like to… do you have plans for dinner?”

“I could cancel, why, Harrington?” he grinned, with sparkles in his eyes. 

“Well, I want… I want to thank you… maybe we can have dinner together?I… I have nothing at the house, anyway…”

Steve sweared internally and cursed himself. Why did he start stammering and begging so pathetically? He bit his lips. 

“Deal,” smirked Billy. “You buy,” he blinked again. Steve nodded. “Can you pick me up in an hour?” 

Steve nodded again and started the car, trying to go away before doing some other screw-up.

Billy had just the time to take a shower and fix his hair, then he dressed up a little bit and bathed in aftershave, as Max noticed in a loud voice when he stormed out the door at Steve’s arrival.

Hawkins didn’t have a lot of fancy restaurants, but fortunately one of the prettier has a table for them. 

Billy ordered a glass of red wine and Steve had the sensation that his way to drink it was too sensual for a simple thank you dinner, and he felt goosebumps all over his body. They chatted nicely about trivial things for half the time. 

“So, what is your life in Seattle, Harrington?” Billy asked abruptly in the middle of the second course.

“Denver,” corrected Steve.

“Denver,” nodded Billy. “Living the best life, right? How are you doing with your girlfriend?” he blinked. 

Steve gulped, swallowing a mouthful. There was no need to tell his whole pathetic story, but there was no need to lie either. They’re chatting about this and that.

“Well my girl dumped me recently, so not very good but one always survives, am I wrong?” he snickered, trying not to seem too miserable.

“Oh. I’m sorry, but I’m sure you’ll find someone better, plenty of fishes in the sea”, Billy smiled again to him. Obviously he hadn’t an idea about how King Steve had sunk so low lately. 

“And you?” Steve teased, raising his eyes at him behind his beer.

Billy scoffed. “Oh, no boyfriend at all,” he stopped a little, letting the word sink between them. “The dating pool is absolute shit, you know…” 

Steve pursed his lips. No, he couldn’t really understand how Billy was single, every man, woman, boy or girl, old or young, any gender and orientation should throw themselves at a stunning beauty like Billy, especially there, in Hawkins, where he should be surely one of a kind. He himself would jump on him either…

“I’m bi,” he shot suddenly, almost without filtering from his brain to his mouth.

Billy choked, blushing a little.

Steve praised the earth to open and swallow him. 

Billy finally smiled, slipping his hand near Steve’s on the table, without touching it, but making the move evidently. He grinned and changed the topic.

When they left the restaurant, the air was warmer than in the afternoon, the heat had already dried the fleeting rain of the thunderstorm, and Billy put his jacket on the backseat of Steve’s car. Steve left him in front of the plant shop and Billy waved him goodnight with a big smile, sighing while the car went away.

The next day started as a hot, shiny and clear summer day, and Max and Billy were working in the shop with the door open to let some fresh air enter. 

Steve appeared in the doorframe in the middle of the afternoon, waving Billy’s jacket as a shield.

“Hello… you left it in my car yesterday…” he lent the jacket to Billy. Max startled looking at Billy, surprised: it was his favorite jacket and he would never forget it. 

“Slut,” she mouthed behind Steve’s back, and Billy grinned at her. 

“Thank you, Steve. It had been a funny night and I wasn’t thinking about the jacket…” he purred, and Max rolled her eyes, while Steve blushed. 

“No problem… Well, I have to go, I… I have some paperwork to handle…,” he turned his back, but Billy stopped him.

“Hey, Harrington, your pantry’s still empty?”

Max sighed, and Steve turned to him, confused.

“Well, yeah… why?”

“What about a homemade dinner… to thank you for it?” Billy whispered softly to him, rubbing his jacket. 

Max wished to be abducted in that very moment: Steve babbled something unintelligible for a long, pathetic minute, before nodding and accepting, bright red like a pepper. 

“Great,” Billy stared at Steve’s eyes until Steve had to lower his gaze and stormed away.

Max stood with her hands on her hips. 

“Harrington, eh? You’re such a slut”.

Billy didn’t look at her face, but took his car keys. 

“I have to go for groceries. Ah, sleep out tonight, I need the house”.

Max shook her head. “What?”

“I need the house, so stay at El’s or Sinclair or whatever, understood?”

Max smirked. “You seem a little bold to me for someone who needs a favor”-

Billy rolled her eyes. “Jeez, ok, fine, please, could you please leave me the house for tonight? Please? ”

”You’ll have me for Thanksgiving and the spring break next year!”

“Are you nuts?”

“And Lucas. And El too,” insisted Max.

“You’re kidding,” Billy looked angrily at her.

“You’re the one who wants to get laid, not me”, Max returned to her work, waiting.

“Ok, ok, fine, you three at my house, whatever!” Billy snapped, and Max smirked. “So you’ll stay at El?”

Max nodded. “Ok, deal, I’ll sleep out tonight. I’ve already planned to stay at El’s, anyway,” she made him tongue, and Billy opened the door with rampage. 

“Bitch,” he snapped at her.

“Slut!” she yelled in return.

Billy opened the door and Steve entered the apartment, welcomed by soft light, a chill music and a delicious smell from the kitchen. The first time he didn’t notice many details, but now he could see a lot of house plants that seemed obvious, and some pictures of Max, Max’s graduation, a portrait and a photo with her and Billy eating an ice cream. 

Billy reached him with a glass of wine and Steve felt a little nervous.

“Is…. Max living here too?”

“Yeah, it’s me and her at the moment…” Billy read the worried look in Steve’s face. “She’s out for dinner,” he smirked, inviting him to sit on the sofa. Steve, instead, followed him in the kitchen where he was giving the last touches to the dinner. 

He had tied his hair up in a bun, with some blonde lock on his neck, a silk shirt, red, and Steve had to awkwardly admit that he had imagined it, the sleeves rolled up on his arms; he had already seen Billy’s tattoos last night at the restaurant, but now they were even hotter with the extra care he put in his outfit. 

Steve had tried to appear at the best too, and after all he hadn’t completely lost his touch, but he almost passed away when he saw the front, the shirt lazily unbuttoned and the tattoo that peeped out on Billy’s pecs, while his golden medal captured the warm light of the room. 

Billy led the conversation during the dinner, and Steve tried to relax, with difficulties, because it seemed that Billy could flirt so naturally that Steve couldn’t even try to resist. After all, an invitation like that had an obvious purpose. 

The food was delicious, another skill that Steve didn’t expect from Billy, but he was distracted by the charming conversation and Billy’s lips, along with more than a couple of the fresh white wine that matched perfectly to the shrimp pasta and the delicate sauce of the meat. 

When they finished, Billy tempted him with a stronger wine and they moved to the sofa. Again, Steve felt nervous for Billy’s proximity, their knees were lightly touching each other, and trying to guess how to carry on with the date.

He cleared his throat. “I’m sorry, will Max…”

Billy shook his head. “Oh, she’s busy, she’s out for the night. A pool party or whatever”.

“Oh.” Steve nodded. 

“A pity you couldn't throw a pool party here again, right?”

Steve shrugged. “It’s life, I guess”.

Billy chuckled softly. “Although I can only imagine how big is the pool in your mansion in Denver,” he said, in a tone that Steve couldn’t read. He blushed, thinking at the dump he had called home for the last two years. 

“Well…” he considered putting all his cards on the table or maintaining a little dignity, at least for the moment. “Actually I don't exactly have a pool… actually I’m leaving my… my apartment, I need a fresh start, I guess”.

“Well, it’s good too. It’s a classic, right? The little city golden boy who leaves the Midwest and lives the best life in a big city…”

Steve bit his lips. 

“I guess you can make it successfully whenever you want…” again, Steve couldn't really read Billy’s tone, and it seemed a little mocking to him, but how could Billy know he was all but successfully and rich and that he had had a miserable life since when he left Hawkins without any idea? “Do you already have a plan?”

Steve shrugged again. “I’d always wanted to see California, but lately I was thinking of staying here for a while… like, downshifting a little”.

“Yeah, it’s like a movie, right? The successful man who returned to the shitty little place and made it a big win”. “Well if you’d say living in this shithole is a win...”

Billy blinked, and Steve cursed himself, wondering if he hurted his feelings in any way.

“I mean… there’s nothing wrong with staying here, of course… it’s not a matter of running away or failing, I mean… I’m happy to be there and…”

Steve forced himself to breathe slowly and stop the tornado of thought inside his head. He was better than that, and he could do better. 

He raised his eyes and looked Billy straight in his’. 

“It’s a matter of luck, too,” he said softly, smirking a little.

Billy smiled lightly and put down his glass, hanging out towards Steve; his hand slipped sweetly on Steve’s thigh.

“It’s a matter of opportunity too,” he whispered, closing the distance between them and kissing him. 

Steve released a whine of relief and answered gladly and fiercely to the kiss; he grabbed Billy’s forehead and felt Billy’s hot hands tucking directly under his polo. 

Billy’s chest was moving fastly, and his curls were loose and ruffled on the pillow. His lips were wet and parted, and he was looking at Steve topping him with a feral shine in his blue eyes; Steve shivered, although the contact between their naked bodies was almost scalding. He was about to zone out, he would never, ever imagined in his wildest fantasies he could find himself there, between Billy’s Hargove’s legs, his prohibited high school crush, balls deep inside him and making him squirm and whimper. 

Billy arched his back even more and clinged his legs on Steve’s back.

“I have been waiting for it since I was seventeen..“, moaned Billy. 

Steve blanked out. 

He woke up with the soft touch of Billy’s arms around his waist. It took a moment for him to remember where he was and what happened before falling asleep after the most perfect sex of his life.

Billy suggled on his neck, purring and kissing it softly, and Steve felt his considerable manhood, half hard, against his legs. He moaned of pleasure; his girl didn’t like morning cuddles, but he was a fan. 

Billy kept brushing his naked skin, burning him where he touched, and Steve reached out for a kiss, then two, and laid down on his back, taking Billy between his own legs, this time. 

Billy whispered, satisfied, trying to catch his breath, smiling in the curve of Steve’s neck. It was something he could get used to, Steve thought, if he had to stay in Hawkins, an advantage he had never considered.

After a while, Billy got up and put his briefs on, sitting on the edge of the bed.

“So, you’re thinking of staying in Hawkins for the moment?” he asked, and Steve blinked a little, surprised by the odd and abrupt question. 

“Uhm, yes, I think so…”

Billy stared at his eyes, grinning. “Well, if you come to California one day, you can stop and say hello,” he smiles, satisfied with the clueless expression on Steve’s face.

“What do you mean? I thought… you lived here. The shop…”

Billy chucked sweetly. “Oh, no. I’m just helping Susan for the summer, the shop is hers. She’s on honeymoon right now… this is her apartment. I live in California,” he enjoyed Steve’s astonishment. “I work there… modeling. I actually have a pool. Maybe you could enjoy a little party, if you’d come visit”.

Billy smiled slyly, while Steve was speechless. It took a couple minutes for him to regain his senses.

“But… I thought you lived here…” he repeated dumbly. 

“Well, I hope it’s not a problem,” Billy whispered, bending a little towards him. “Does it change things?”

Steve shook his head. He wasn’t surprised that Billy was successful and that he was a model, he was even prettier than when he was eighteen. Steve lost the opportunity once, and he was tired of feeling like a loser. 

He smirked, smiling at Billy and pulling him closer, grabbing his underwear.

“It’s not a problem. Not at all”.

[threadbareturnbacks]

I think a big problem is that people should be having children.

Okay fair that's clickbait. Not literally. I love bc and abortion and choice. If you want to be childless that's fantastic. Full support.

But children:

a) take up a lot of your time and mental energy

b) are an act of hope and trust in the future even if that future isn't readily apparent or understandable to you

c) are a lot of fun and keep you seeing the world in new and fascinating ways

And I honestly think a big issue is that a lot of people are stuck seeing the world as something horrible and boring and not worth fighting for and they are stuck with a myopic, siloed vision of reality. Children completely upend that. You truly cannot think the world is 'futureless' when you have kids. You just can't.

And again, literal children are not the answer. But a fully consuming hobby that you treat with the same intensity and love as you would your own child is. Getting obsessed with gardening fulfills all of those briefs. Getting obsessed with baking, sewing, carpentry, rpgs, running, hiking, dance, activism etc all do the same thing. They take up your time, they give you hope and something to work towards, and they force you to see a richer more beautiful world.

Most consuming hobbies ask the same thing of you as kids: waking up early, physical and emotional discomfort, learning at a breakneck pace, a community you might not entirely get along with but need to rely on anyway, a kind of fulfilling, radical, self-actualizing love for the world, gross practicalities of life like poop and death up front, intergenerational knowledge, and access to more energy than you ever thought possible.

The issue isn't that people aren't having children. It's that people, humans, are supposed to be actively learning and growing in partnership with each other. We used to all have kids and that was a common thread. And thankfully we have a choice on that issue. But we are still human and we still need something to occupy our time. The more we remove ourselves from community, creation, and hope the bleaker the world seems.

But it's really beautiful out there. I promise you.

[keithkog]

Youre my favorite Tumblr blog!! Could you tell me about one of the scariest moments of your life?

Wow, I’m flattered. Thank you for the support. Right so let me think…

On our way to Earth we ran into, as Lance liked to put it, ‘something trying to kill us’. It was different than most threats though, and the anomaly managed to separate all of us from our lions and friends.

Floating in space with the other paladins, slowly running out of oxygen, thinking of all our friends likely dying as well- It was terrible. I didn’t know what to do in such a helpless situation. Usually there’s something to fight, something to do. Out in space, cold and empty, there is sometimes just nothing.

At first I tried to keep myself sane and check on everyone with a routine me and my mom used in the Quantum Abyss, but that didn’t keep me from feeling more and more futureless. I said some things to the others I regret, and I know Lance regretted what he said to me the most.

Luckily, and obviously, we are alive now. We managed to get back to our lions and get to Earth. The memories stuck with me though, and it may have been the scariest time of my life.

-Keith

[smokeygrayrabbits]

OK SO REWATCHING BALLAD OF SONGBIRDS AND SNAKES AGAIN AND y'all remember how coryo and sejanus had that lil confrontation right after they got to twelve over sejanus hanging with billy toupe and coryo was all 'you have to learn to make the best of our lives and roles here or have your father buy you a discharge and do something' and we as the viewers (idk about readers bc I have yet to read the book 😭 but movie anyway) can see the spite he says that with because sejanus is there willingly and coryo isn't. coryo had everything taken from him by being sent out as a peacekeeper. sejanus gave everything up to do the same.

coryo told sejanus not to throw his life away because he had the means and opportunity to make a real difference, and what did sejanus do? he turned straight around and threw away all of his power inorder to become a peacekeeper medic out in district twelve. as far as possible from the capital and any real position of power to make the change he was always talking about. and the reason that coryo told sejanus that in the first place? he was forced to risk his life to go and get sejanus!

sejanus had everything that coryo was working so hard to get a scrap of and threw it away on a whim, right after coryo was forced to risk his life to save sejanus.

coryo was exiled. forcefully placed in the military by highbottom with the goal of taking away any future power that coryo might have had. and sejanus, who already had the money and power that coryo was being kept from, threw it away! sejanus volunteered for the job that was meant to replace coryos death sentence. and then he starts running around doing illegal shit, dragging coryo into it by association, meanwhile coryo is doing his best to get back to his family and NOT GET KILLED. CORYO BASICLY ALREADY HAD TWO STRIKES AGAINST HIM WITH THE CAPITAL, AND IT WOULD HAVE BEEN SO EASY FOR THEM TO KILL HIM OFF IN THE DISTRICTS, LEAVING HIS FAMILY ALONE AND FUTURELESS. AND HE KNEW THAT. HE KNEW THAT EVERYTHING HE DID WAS BEING WATCHED AND SEJANUS JUST KEPT PUTTING THEM AT RISK! ID BE PISSED TOO.

BUT SEJANUS DIDNT KNOW THAT. HE DIDNT SEE IT THAT WAY BECAUSE HE DIDNT KNOW ABOUT CORYOS SITUATION WITH THE STARVING FAMILY AND THE DEATH SENTANCE AND THE TRAUMA FROM THE WAR AND ITS AFTERMATH AND HIGHBOTTOM WANTING HIM DEAD. GOD IF THEY HAD JUST TALKED ABOUT IT THEN I SERIOUSLY DOUBT THAT SEJANUS WOULD HAVE KEPT WORKING WITH BILLY TOUPE,

seriously! from coryos perspective everything sejanus did was basically a slap in the face to everything he was struggling and suffering for! but sejanus probably just thought coryo was blind to the capitals cruelty because sejanus was always trying to do what he thought was the right thing! but coryo knew people who had been labeled treasonous rebels for doing less than sejanus, and since they were friends and squad members coryo would have been blamed too. and unlike sejanus coryo doesn't have a rich dad to save him. he also had people relying on him, unlike sejanus, who only thought he was risking himself.

BUT ALSO coryo saw everything sejanus did as a wasted opportunity. and he was kinda right! sejanus had the money and the platform and the future to make real change if he would only spend some of his father's money and play the game. but just like coryo yelled at him in their fight, sejanus was too blinded by his own guilt over his father's actions and how they benefited from the war to actually do anything. which while moral and kind and very sejanus of him, was also such a wasted opportunity!

and then later at the jabberjay collection part where, before turning on the recording, coryo told sejanus to stop his sketchiness and sejanus was all 'YOU told me I could make a difference! thats what I'm doing!' and coryo makes that frustrated pissy face but doesn't really say anything he was totally thinking 'YEAH BUT THIS ISNT WHAT I MEANT!' when coryo told sejanus that he could make a difference back in the arena he was talking about sejanus using his familys wealth to make large scale change in the system, not risk his life on some asshole like billy toupe. but he doesn't say that because that's treason and he never says stuff out loud like that because he actually has people to protect. AND THEN SEJANUS GOES 'i can't stay here I wont!' SAYING THAT HES CANT STAY IN DISTRICT TWELVE ANYMORE AND CORYO MAKES THAT FACE AGAIN CUZ SEJANUS YOU SIGNED UP FOR THIS YOU VOLUNTEERED!!!!!!! GOD! I CANT!

AND THEN SEJANUS SAYS 'im just doing what you told me to do back at the arena' AND CORYO SAYS ' I WASJUST TRYING TO SAVE YOU THE FIRST TIME YOU DID SOMETHING STUPID ENOUGH TO RUIN MY LIFE' AND HE MEANT THAT BECAUSE WHAT SEJANUS DID PUT CORYOS ENTIRE FUTURE AT RISK BUT HE DOESNT KNOW THAT AND THEN SEJANUS SAYS 'its worth the risk to do the right thing' ANF THATS WHERW CORYO FINALLY GETS OUTWARDLY MAD AND SAYS 'ITS WORTH THE RISK FOR YOU. YOUR FATHER WILL JUST BUY YOUR WAY OUT OF THIS LIKE HE ALWAYS DOES BUT ILL BE HUNG JUST FOR KNOWING YOU' BUT SEJANUS DOESNT KNOW HOW TRUE THAT IS BUT ALSO HE SHOULD HAVE BECAUSE CORYO FULLY TOLD HIM AND HE JUST DIDNT GET IT! AND ONLY THAT DAY CORYO HAD LEARNED THAT HIS FAMILY WAS EVICTED AND THEY LOST HIS CHILDHOOD HOME AND HE WAS TRYING SO HARD TO SAVE THEM BUT SEJANUS WAS GONNA GET CAUGHT AND GET HIM KILLED AND GOD

[criticalfutures]

i've been thinking about nostalgia a lot recently. the idea of longing for a better, more fulfilling and content time in our lives. nostalgia is the product of a world that doesn't allow us to imagine a future. there is no future time to look forward to because there is no innovation or change. all there is to come is the intensification and repetition of capitalism. therefore, we look to the past for hope and comfort, knowing things can only get worse. i call this ‘futurelessness.’

but this isn’t always a negative feeling. nostalgia and the longing for a better world can be used as a radical, transformative tool. if we use the power and the hope from the past against the current closed horizons of the present, we can push back against the systems of oppression that seek to push conformity and reduce us to mere cogs in the machine. nostalgia is revolutionary.

[tmgstudios]

Goblin (album) - Tyler, the Creator

Goblin - Tyler, the Creator // @/futureless // Goblin - Tyler, the Creator // Yonkers - Tyler, the Creator [music video] // Yonkers - Tyler, the Creator // cress // Intrusive Things - quintessence-of-dust // @/fairycosmos // @/seppukku // Yonkers - Tyler, the Creator // The Voices In My Head - Robert Guerrero // Untitled - Reckless Moris // Golden - Tyler, the Creator // Yonkers - Tyler, the Creator

[tdciago]

Hey there! I loved reading you and thefutureiswhat's theory on the finale and I thought about it a little. So with the 3 different ending's theory, what if it's just ONE ending but to Roy it's "3 different endings". I know in some media, people's final moments', their life flashes before their eyes but we cut away to the ACTUAL after math. So to connect it to the "cross roads" with Gator, Roy dies in the tunnel due to whatever Gator does, then we see him die from Dot's "bisquick" (poisoning) , then we see him go to jail where Indira and Loraine are, but the actuality is (And a call back to the father in law's words) Roy is the "Hitler who died in the bunker". That's at least how I'd justify seeing the "3 endings" in such a short span of time of tomorrow's episode, at least. Also cause I remember reading the Coen's avoided anything with Covid since that would be it's own season, so I don't believe in the whole "Roy dies of covid in jail" thing like everyone else is theorizing.

Yeah, Noah Hawley specifically set this season pre-COVID, so Roy won't die of that, even if there is a time jump. Hadn't seen that theory.

Roy said to Vivian Dugger that everything comes into focus in moments of life and death, and both Gator and Dot told people to focus during the home invasion. Gator said it to Pace, and Dot to Scotty.

Which suggests that camera focus might have something to do with separating the three endings, if indeed that happens.

I think the different endings would reflect our storyteller's indecision over the final outcome, but I don't know if all the endings would be based on Roy's perspective, or if they will be divided between Dot, Gator, and Roy, the three characters who talked about focus.

I suspect that viewers will argue for years over which ending is the "true truth," because the show has referenced both "Rashomon" and "The Lady, or the Tiger?"

I think the coerced suicide might actually be connected to the prison visit, with Lorraine writing a check to ensure that Roy's children are not "futureless." Rommel's suicide was forced in a similar way.

But it's really anybody's guess at this point, because the finale is supposed to be wild. So your suggestion could certainly be right.

[ksfoxwald]

Fire and Hemlock Readalong: Part 3 Chapter 1

We now begin Part 3 - Where Now?

Polly goes to live with her dad, packing the stolen photograph and the toy soldiers. That may be what saves her, allowing her to call on the heroes by means of sympathetic magic.

She finally starts reading The Golden Bough on the train, and we get a lot more clues in the chapter titles - "Sympathetic Magic," "The Sacred Marriage," "Kings Killed at the End of a Fixed Term" stand out in particular.

With Dad and Joanna we see another example of adults who are so locked in their way of being they have forgotten to use their imaginations. Everything in the flat is perfectly, unsettlingly neat and tidy. Later Dad takes Polly out to the Zoo, and curiously, she describes the bird house as "magical," even though birds aren't really a major motif in this story. But they are flying around loose and free, unlike Polly right now. "It's like when I dream inside my own brain!" she says. The freedom of imagination in a mind that is otherwise trapped, perhaps.

It soon becomes apparent that Dad has not told Joanna that Polly is staying for good, and when Joanna asks straight out how long Polly is staying, Polly panics and says that she is leaving tomorrow. Here, once again, the adults fail Polly, leaving her on the doorstep without making sure she has a ticket or gets on the train. With nothing else to do, Polly starts wandering around the city alone, in a very mythic way - this part is referenced in Diana's Heroic Ideal essay, comparing her to Snow White lost in the forest. And the scene where she stands looking over the river evokes TS Eliot's Four Quartets, which is another framing device in the story.

Jones:

Polly walked to the middle and stopped. The wind took her hair there and hurled it about. She leaned both arms on the chubby metal fence at the edge and looked down, dizzyingly far, to the sinewy brown water of the Bristol Avon racing between thick mud banks below. The wind hurled seagulls about in the air like wastepaper.

Eliot:

I think the river Is a strong brown god Trying to unweave, unwind, unravel And piece together the past and the future, Between midnight and dawn, when the past is all deception The future futureless, before the morning watch When time stops and time is never ending

So Polly stands in-between things, both literally on a bridge, and figuratively between the past and future, between her mother and father, another Nowhere place.

As she leaves the bridge she spots Morton Leroy, and understands that this is all his doing, though I'm not sure what part he played because we don't get real rules for how they work. Did he engineer the misunderstanding between Dad and Joanna? Or did he get into Polly's head, with that whole "bleached with pride" feeling where she insisted she could find her own way home? Perhaps he was using the connection through the opal pendant for that, too. We know they are able to get at other people, but I think they are only able to do that through Polly. The whole "panics and starts saying things to get out of the Situation" is such a normal response that you wouldn't assume it was magic at all without everything else going on, but that's the nature of the Leroys, isn't it? To use ordinary things to control people.

As Polly walks, we see more mentions of the wind, hurling trash about in a foreshadowing of what is to come.

Then, as Polly continues to move in-between places, thinking that the shift from office blocks to old houses is like stepping from Here to Nowhere, she manages to call on Nowhere again in the sight of a familiar car...

I was trying to work out how to put that last sentence, and after writing it I realized she is calling on her power here, and in fact is doing so throughout, in a way that leads us directly into the final challenge where Laurel says "Tom can use anything which is truly his [to escape]." Polly is able to use Nowhere to escape because it is truly hers in a way that Laurel and the Perry Leroys can't control. They can use it and twist it for their own ends sometimes, but they don't own it.

[aihoshiino]

I've been loving how you do these reviews and the analysis with characters as we go on! Especially with the Hoshigan's which I have always thought were different between those who have it like Ai (Black meaning depressed/her nature, White being happy/a mask) but seeing other interpretations is interesting.

Thank you so much!!! Honestly it's really funny to me that I started off soooooo determined not to fall down the rabbit hole that was Hoshigan Colour Analysis but it's just such an iconic and repeating bit of symbolism for the series it's really hard to not talk about it when you're getting into the meat and potatoes of things...

For me personally, I've always viewed the hoshigans as symbolising like... proximity to Ai's radiance, I guess? For Ai herself, it clearly represents her charisma and her spellbinding presence - in Glare x Sparkle, there's a page where we see Akasaka's initial pass of her design and some notes for Mengo (I'm mobile bound rn so I don't have a cap handy, sorry!) and the hoshigans are specifically noted to be a symbol of her talents (才能 sainou)

Since all the other characters in the series we see with hoshigans are connected with Ai, it made sense for me to center my takes on her (tho also because I am an Ai Wife Guy). It wasn't until we started getting Hikaru content in the Movie Arc that I really clicked onto my "white hoshigan = hope -> future, black hoshigan = despair -> futurelessness (suicidal ideation)" theory though. Any other take I've seen feels like it's either reaching or cherrypicking a bit too much and leaving out too many aspects so I couldn't really vibe with them.

[floordive]

Elsewhere

Night is dawning The last ship of summer is soon to leave the harbor If I don’t go back to bed I could catch an early train, one of those slow ones that inch their way from coast to coast stopping at every oddly named backwater whose pulse is faint and hard to find I barely ever go looking for those hidden veins, where life can be just as vibrant as anywhere else I have the time, but not the patience

One time was different I missed my stop and just kept going I don’t remember where I finally stepped off It seemed like the middle of nowhere I remember wanting to disappear, didn’t even bother calling in sick, let myself get lost And I remember trudging across a meadow that the rain had turned into a swamp, shoes slowly filling up with water, the sloshing sound almost comical I was so out of it when I crossed the road that I didn’t see the truck coming, the sudden loud honk made me jump to the wayside Almost dying was weirdly anticlimactic It might have been a wakeup call but I just hit the snooze button I came across a house, and the woman who lived there called out to me I waited on her porch while she got me a glass of water I said I was fine She wasn’t convinced, offered me a ride I promised I would go back home My near-death experience didn’t break the spell, but the kindness of a stranger did

I’m staying up a bit longer getting real with myself The futureless parts of me sigh We’re done This is going nowhere and you know it You sheltered us but you don’t own us You are nothing but an experience, and a shitty one at that You read the Google reviews, but it was nothing like they said You tried to dip your toes in first but that just made it harder You asked around for directions, but they all just told you Go to the place where the wild ones are where the sands are white and the grass is greener than it should be They didn’t tell you where you might find a kindred spirit and if you’re being honest, you just felt like going home I don’t know what to say to all of that but I tell myself that it’s time to let go, that it’s mutual There will always be parts of me who die before they are born Not yet fully formed, eyes shut tight, wary of the bright outside There will always be parts of me who live on

Sun is cresting Birds fleeing south Seeking refuge is a primal thing I’m dreaming of warmer shores, and the stillness of some humble nook of the world not yet marred by Instagram filters I’m dreaming of the rawness of existence Although I may not wish for all that comes with it, I wish for the beauty of it Oh, how I wish for the beauty of it  

[talentforlying]

@thicketville: meta: how does john feel about his punk-rock days? did he ever delude himself into thinking the band would go anywhere? does he regret spending so much time on it? how'd he start it up, anyway? — META TOPICS

it's mostly head-shaking fondness and warm nostalgia! he loves the concept of those days, the memories of everyone in the band packed into the back of chas's van or whatever couch they were crashing on / one-room flat they were only half-paying rent for at the time, the fights and the fun and the stupid shit you can only get away with in your early 20s. it was one of the few times in his life where he was precisely where he wanted to be, doing what he wanted to do, suspended from ultimate consequence.

but there's always going to be a twinge of bitter anger at himself in there, too, because fuck did he take it all for granted. the friends, the freedom, the normalcy of it all; running to feel alive instead of running to stay alive. he burnt all of that with his own hands when he kept fucking around in the occult, when they opened that basement door in newcastle and he made a plan instead of running away screaming like they all should have. he didn't know it then, but the punk rock days were the last time he was truly secure in the world — not just temporarily stable, but secure.

as for going anywhere, i think, abstractly, he hoped they might, but he wasn't ever thinking that far ahead. a lot of john's outlook on life all the way up until newcastle was about living one day at a time and making the most of that day; i can't emphasize enough that he didn't expect to make it to adulthood, and nobody else expected him to either, so just making it to tomorrow was already the best possible outcome for him. everything before astra, including the band, was about living as hard and fast as possible and having the maximum amount of fun along the way. didn't matter if they made the big time or not as long as he was out playing music with his mates and earning the love — or hate, they were the same thing to him back then — of the crowds, and that was it. that was all he ever needed.

he doesn't regret it in the slightest. he regrets how it ended, he regrets what came after, but like i said, that was the first time in his life where he was exactly where he wanted to be, doing what he wanted to do, and he wouldn't have changed that part for the world. if anything, he'd say it was better that he spent all that energy nobbing around with his dickhead friends instead of actually trying to contribute to the world, because the way he was back then, irresponsible and futureless, he probably would have ended up causing more harm than good in the long run.

it started pretty simply: it was 1977, he and gary lester had just gone to see the sex pistols play live at the roxy, they were walking home piss-drunk and hopped up on the music, and one turned to the other and said "bet we could do that bollocks." when they got back to their friend beano's flat, the three of them stayed up well into the next morning coming up with names, with art-school-dropout gary scribbling up logos and posters and symbols until they all fell asleep. when they woke up later with hangovers and bleary eyes, it didn't seem any worse an idea than it had six hours ago, so they said fuck it and started a band. constantine doesn't even remember why they called it mucous membrane, but he remembers someone calling someone else a slimy git that night, so that's the reason he usually gives whenever anyone asks.

and while i'm talking about the punk days, there's a spiderlegs cover of their single, venus of the hardsell! it's not particularly good, but that's the point!

[oasis-nadrama]

‘The Cerulean Motley Crew’, by Cerulean Snake - All aboard, mateys!

Review by Oasis Nadrama, 04/12/2023 (up to page 255)

[Drawing by CeruleanSnake] When they were a young troll, Chever always wanted to become a pirate... but ended up at the opposite end of life, as a prison guard, when the hard rules of the Alternian Empire took their toll on their dreams of liberty. One day, in the orbital penitentiary, they are tasked with welcoming a particularly dangerous prisoner, and this encounter will uncover the secrets to their past, future and present life. Can the call of the sea be heard amongst the stars?

[Drawing by CeruleanSnake] The large fictional universe engendered by Homestuck opens on many worlds, eras and sapient species, and opens even more doors for inventive storytellers. But rare are the fanworks to make full use of this potential, and in this area as in many others, the stunning fan aventure The Cerulean Motley Crew excels. It proposes a rarely explored political context, the period of the Summoner who challenged imperial tyranny, and an even rarer genre in this general setting: PIRATES! Chever, our nonbinary protagonist, improvized buccaneer and self-proclaimed pirate captain, organically assemble a colorful crew along their quest, and the cast is, again, one of this adventure's strengths. Flintlock, an uncontrollable anarchist, fights against slavery and general political power with reckless abandon (not to mention a certain thirst for gratuitous bloodbath). Rat escaped a futureless life in a nightmarish complex and is now along for the ride, despite her general consternation towards the chaotic, childish and sex-obsessed nature of her two comrades The efficient yet comical trio will cross the path of many more memorable figures, some of them friends, some of them neutral, some of them enemies, all of them enjoyable, up to and including the apparent main antagonist, as despicable as they go, all united in a dynamic, fluid, rhythmic dance, events intertwined for maximum impact, drama and suspense but never forgetting to remain entertaining. The structure and pacing are flawless, the tone perfectly mastered, the lore absorbing, the dialogues lively... What's not to love here?

[Drawing by CeruleanSnake] The drawings are on par with the writing: intense, refreshing color palettes are a feast for sore eyes. Character designs are extremely distinct with various morphologies and clothing styles; the different body types really shine in both action scenes and dynamic dialogues. There may be some errors in proportions or simplistic environments, but these little flaws pale in comparison to the overall visual quality. Perspectives are good and dynamic, action poses effective... But the really exceptional thing is the faces: they are all different, flexible, and incredibly expressive! The author makes good use of the media with gorgeous animated backgrounds which adapt to the various scenes: at dusk, the waves of the decor will meet darkened sand bathed in the red light of the alien sunset; by midnight, the foliage on the shore will be lightened only by the shining firmament. This work on the interface does wonder for the general immersion. Other uses of the form include short panel animations and ondulating, shaking, distorted lines in the conversation. CeruleanSnake's maestria culminates in the insult-off minigame. This stunning moment of interactivity, frontal homage to Monkey Island, is funny, balanced, brimming with details! It represents full days of work by the artist and it shows.

[Drawing by CeruleanSnake] The Cerulean Motley Crew is a work of love and a beautiful story, full of life and surprises. Looking forward to the next episodes of this big adventure!