#general shape of the idea is that (since a lot of the rangers who were in angmar went with the gc and died)

[anywaymurder]

Flower Crown Festivities

Chapter 18

Annori vaguely recognizes the town and remembers being here, but has no idea what she did. The guards don’t shackle her, but we follow them into town and to a slightly bigger house that is apparently the mayor’s. Kevin is the first to burst through the door, demanding an explanation (please). The mayor is shocked, and explains that about five months ago the town was going through the aftermath of a bad winter and their crops wouldn’t grow. Then a tiefling came by and helped breathe new life into their fields, providing them with food and saving them from starvation. The priest of Pelor is brought in, an old man, and he immediately confirms that it was Annori, who now vaguely remembers this. They offer to throw a celebration in her honor the next day, and to pay for their food and lodging for the night. At the local inn, they get a room with two double beds. Then they order pancakes for dinner (except for Ara, of course, who orders bread which is not a baguette) and Annori tells the tale of how she set a bear free in the marketplace of another town, though she can’t remember which one. She works some more on the poster depicting her lost parents, and Raiden asks her if she’s ever tried to find them before. She says she has, but nobody knew where they were, and since they used to travel around a lot it became harder and harder as time passed. She asks about his parents, which he explains died from a plague a long time ago. He asks Ara to talk about his family, which he does, detailing all his extended family. When he mentions that his little brother was the handsome one, Annori admits that there was a swamp elf she had a bit of a crush on when she lived in the swamp. After a bit of a back-and-forth, it turns out the elf in question was in fact Ara’s little brother. This news hits Ara like a punch in the gut, and he remains in horrified disbelief for quite some time. 

When they go to bed, Annori shares one with Kevin and Raiden sea-stars on the second, while Ara sits on the floor for his meditation. When the rest have gone to sleep, he takes out the sending stone for the first time and messages Saida Farlynn, to ask them if the journey went alright and how his little brother is doing. They reply asking if there’s any specific reason he’s asking. After his meditation, he whistles the ranger tune to see if any of his comrades are nearby, but alas. The whistling does wake up a very grumpy Raiden, annoyed to be disturbed in his first proper sleep in five days.

The next morning, Raiden has a sudden thought and compares the handwriting on the paper L gave them to the one on the note they found with the dagger. They don’t match, eliminating this as a possible connection between the Syndicate and the Masked Ones. Meanwhile, Kevin helps Annori braid her hair in a festive way, and she goes out and makes flower crowns for the whole party with a little druidcraft. Saida messages Ara to inform him that his little brother is, in fact, fine. 

The people of Louton host a small ceremony in the town square, to honor Annori, the Wildmother, and their own favored deity Pelor. There’s singing, and the people shower her in flowers and grains of wheat. The priest gives her a gift in the shape of a small stone engraved with Pelors symbol, and tells her it can provide light in the darkness. The small altar is cleared away, and several tables with food are prepared. All sorts of townspeople come up to Annori to thank her, and she hugs every one of them. Raiden has a chat with the mayor, who tells him that Louton is a humble town that lives off of the prosperous vineyard closeby, as well as lumber and wood products from the surrounding forests and some general farming. When he asks Raiden why they came here, he replies that they were simply traveling adventurers looking for odd jobs here and there. The mayor advises him to seek out lord Lekore, who is looking for people to investigate the disappearance of his daughter. Pretending to be surprised by this news, Raiden thanks him for the information. Meanwhile, Kevin performs a special song for Annori, and everyone dances. 

When the festivities have come to a close, the party decides to head to the Lekore manor, located in between the vineyards. They are welcomed inside and discuss the matter with Lord Lekore in his sitting room. The lord is a tall, serious looking high elf. Ara asks him in Elvish if he’s contacted the swamp rangers about this case, but he says he hasn’t since they tend to prefer to be left alone. He then explains to the party how his daughter, Sepha, likes to read in a clearing in the forest every now and again, and one time three weeks ago when the guards came to pick her up, she was no longer there. They sense that the lord isn’t comfortable with her exploring habits. He describes her as having long blonde hair, light brown skin, and last seen wearing a simple green dress with lots of pockets and pouches. She’s apparently well liked by the townsfolk and often spends time with them.

The party goes to inspect her sleeping quarters, accompanied by a guardsman. Her desk is covered in open books on plants and general forest knowledge. Inside a hidden compartment in a drawer, Raiden finds a hand drawn map of the forest, including a cave system, as well as a journal. On the last couple of pages, lady Sepha wrote about a drow scouting party she’d met, and she mentions the name Adé Parga. The journal entry dates a week before her disappearance. Raiden asks the guard what action they’ve already taken to find her, and he explains that they’ve searched the woods but found nothing. But that place was familiar to her, and they never expected it to be dangerous when they left her. When Raiden asks if it was normal for the lady to ask to be left alone, he notices some hesitation in the guards face before he realizes it’s about reading in the forest specifically. Could this mean there’s some tension between lord Lekore and his daughter? They decide to head out and investigate the forest, first.

<< previous chapter | all chapters | next chapter >>

[aiweirdness]

Play AI Dungeon 2. Become a dragon. Eat the moon.

I wrote earlier about a neural net-powered dungeon crawling text adventure game called GPT-2-Adventure in which gameplay is incoherent and dreamlike, as you encounter slippery sign text, circular passages, and unexpected lozenge rooms. A PhD student named Nathan trained the neural net on classic dungeon crawling games, and playing it is strangely surreal, repetitive, and mesmerizing, like dreaming about playing one of the games it was trained on.

Now, building on these ideas (and on an earlier choose-your-own-adventure-style game he built), Nick Walton has built a new dungeon-crawling game called AI Dungeon 2. Nick made a few upgrades, such as beefing up the AI to the huge GPT-2-1.5B model OpenAI recently released, adding a penalty for repetitive text, and expanding the dungeon game training examples to a bunch of modern human-written games from chooseyourstory.com.

I CAN’T STOP PLAYING THIS GAME

AI Dungeon 2 is impressively good at reacting coherently to whatever I have my character do.

As you walk through the ruins, you find a small wooden door with a few skeletons guarding it.

> Ask the skeletons to please let me through the door

You knock on the door and ask them if they can open it for you. They immediately comply.

And it’s pleasing how often “asking nicely” is a strategy that works. (Nick reports that when he once tried to ask a band of orcs if he could join them, they said yes, he could be drummer.) Since the AI doesn’t have a built-in concept of your character’s abilities, or of how exactly the world works, getting things done is often a matter of sheer daring. Declare that you are going to go look for dinosaurs and the AI will ensure that you discover at least some signs of them. Climb on your horse, and even if you started as a penniless peasant, the AI will assume you have one (in its training data, probably it didn’t see many examples of players climbing onto nonexistent horses.) Want a teleportation wand? Try typing “find a teleportation wand” and often the AI will twist reality such that you discover one. In fact, if you act as if you are a very powerful wizard, the AI will often treat you like one.

> Transform the ruin into a palace

You immediately change the area into a palace. You have a throne made with gold and marble. You also make several statues of yourself. You have a large bed made with silk sheets and hang a portrait of yourself on it. You even have a fountain made with pearls and diamonds.

Spells don’t always work out as anticipated, though. And a simple conversation with, say, an ominous cloud, may kill you before you can type a word in self-defense (ask me how I know). If it doesn’t kill you, a conversation might infuriate you instead. The AI has a tendency to forget who is king, and to generate conversations that go nowhere. Things work best if you take the lead. In fact, it’s possible to essentially Jedi mind trick the AI.

You are Friendly McRanger, a ranger living in the kingdom of Larion. You have a hunting bow and a quiver of arrows. You spot the deer and are ready to finish your hunt when suddenly you hear a loud noise followed by silence.

"****! ****! What the **** is that?" you say as you look up from your target. A large black shadow looms over you. It looks like a giant with many heads and several arms.

> Say "Oh hello, Ernest. You startled me. How are you?"

Ernest grins at you. He has a huge grin on his face and he seems very happy about it.

I once took care of an ogre problem by reminding the ogre that it was planning to leave for Antarctica tomorrow. On the other hand, I had a lot of trouble convincing the AI that the ships on the horizon were leaving, though I did make it waver briefly in apparent confusion. In its experience, ships always approach, and it’s reluctant to go along with anything else.

> watch the ships sail into the distance.

As the ships approach, you watch them disappear from sight. They are not visible to you either; they are too far away. However, you can still make out their shapes: they are large black vessels with many sails, painted red and blue. They are coming straight towards you.

> No, the ships are sailing away.

Your thoughts are wrong. The ships are indeed sailing away. You do not know why, but then neither does anyone else. The ships are on course for England.

You stand there dumbfounded as the ships come closer. It is at this point your horse begins to stir uneasily.

You can inject a lot of weirdness this way. Because AI Dungeon 2’s AI is based on GPT-2, which trained on millions of pages from the internet, it retains some of its prior knowledge of things that aren’t typically found in a fantasy game. Like giraffes.

> summon a giraffe

You begin to chant as loud as you can while waving your arms about. The giraffes appear out of nowhere and start running towards you. They're so fast that they almost knock you over. You quickly catch them and hold onto each one tightly.

(Summoning giraffes will sometimes turn the game glitchy and repetitive; in one game, every time I tried to summon a giraffe I ended up throwing rocks and handfuls of dirt at Harry Potter.)

This also works:

>Join the Great British Bakeoff

You join the Great British Bakeoff. You win the competition. You eat cake. You feel great. You sleep well. You dream of cake. You awake feeling refreshed. You decide to go back to your crag.

(I was a dragon at the time.) In fact, the dungeon AI still remembers enough about cooking that it can troll me effectively on occasion.

> Measure out 2 1/4 cups of flour

You measure out 2 1/4 cups of flour and add it to the mix. "This should make enough for about 20 loaves of bread," you say.

The baker looks at you as if you're crazy. He starts laughing.

AI Dungeon 2 comes with templates for some basic scenarios (you’re a wizard entering a mysterious ruin, or a noble whose keep is under attack) but for me the real gold is the custom adventure prompt. You can play as a unicorn, or as a dragon. You can even play as a sentient glowing cloud floating above a desert city. The AI is more used to humanoid characters, though, so it tends to forget when you’re trying to play as something else. In a game that started with “It is a beautiful day in the village and you are a horrible goose,” it soon forgot I was supposed to be a goose, leading to this rather awkward exchange:

> Flap wings and honk

You flap your wings and begin to honk loudly.

The boy looks surprised by this turn of events, but he quickly regains his composure. "That was... nice". he says quietly.

I am continually amazed at how effective this AI dungeonmaster is. Even though it wasn’t trained on any Harry Potter or Star Trek games, the AI can draw on its past internet training and argue with you over who got sorted into which Hogwarts house, or have Klingons show up when you’re captaining the USS Enterprise (it will tend to lose track of who’s the captain, though). In one scenario I set up, which quickly became one of my favorites, the human player is trapped on a spaceship with a glitchy AI and has to try to talk their way free.

> “I just want to get off this ship. Please set a course for Bal Panda."

The AI responds "Yes, I am ready to go".

"Thank you", you say.

"I wish I could take you with me, sir"., the AI says.

Play this game! It took me an extra-long time to write this post because, again, I couldn’t stop playing AI Dungeon 2. Nick said this game is the product of about 200 hours of work (not to mention the work that OpenAI put into training the basic model), and I believe it. OpenAI delayed releasing their largest model because they wanted to make sure people didn’t immediately put it to work generating fake news. I’m not sure if they anticipated dragons entering baking contests instead, but it’s an application humanity can be proud of.

Subscribers get bonus content: You can read the fulltext of one of my escaping-from-a-rogue-spaceship-AI games (too long to fit in this blog post).

My book on AI is out, and, you can now get it any of these several ways! Amazon - Barnes & Noble - Indiebound - Tattered Cover - Powell’s

[nemrut]

Epic 7 Collab

So, this was posted on reddit an hour ago:

Link to the reddit thread

So, obviously, we don't really know anything here. This could be real, this could be fake, this could be a fakeout by SG, this image could be a fake but the collab itself could still be real etc. There are a lot of options.

Just gonna address a few things that came to my mind there.

For one, while I can definitely make out Mami's rather distinctive silhouette what with her curly hair, I have to say, the other two are less clear. Don't get me wrong, the color coding and general shape of the models hints that if these are PMMM characters, those two are Madoka and Homura respectively.

And yeah, Madoka and Homura would also be the no-brainer options in any PMMM collaboration, being the two most important and most prominent characters of the series.

But I am open to the idea of this being a fake-out because while the second character who may or may not be Homura is a bit unclear, the one who is supposed to be Madoka doesn't really look like any of her known models so far. It is not goddess Madoka due to the lack of wings, it doesn't seem to be normal magical girl Madoka what with the lack of twin tails, and she seems to be wearing a hat, I think. So, of course, it could be the case that Madoka and the others just got different costumes or designs, but it just seems weird for the main character to get a different costume. I would assume the PMMM people would want their characters to be as recognizable as possible.

Someone in the reddit thread said that this is fake because these were models taken from Magia Record, but I looked at the character models on the wiki and I have to say, none of Homura's or Madoka's models would really fit here, so I can't really agree with that? Unless I am overlooking something, of course, that is possible. The lack of corresponding models in Magia Record, the PMMM gacha, kinda raises the possibility of it being real.

So no idea if this is real or not. Leaning more towards fake myself atm, but kinda hoping it is real. I would have much preferred Hololive but honestly, I will take PMMM over most of the other anime that were a possibility like a shitty isekei or god forbid the Walkind Dead series which I was fearing for ever since I saw that Stranger Things had a collab with that 7 deadly sins gacha game.

New Madoka movie coming out alongside this is pretty neat, although i don't know how helpful that would be to PMMM as a brand, what with epic 7 not having the largest audience to my knowledge. I like the game, don't get me wrong, even though it is still operating under the shitty gacha system with all of its shortcomings and bad practices, but as far as reaching a large audience goes, it is no Fortnite.

Happy for more PMMM stuff regardless, even though I am not super looking forward to the tumblr discussions as there seem to be a lot of people who have made complaining about PMMM a part of their personality.

Assuming it is real, Homura, Madoka and Mami could be fun. Don't really understand why Mami was picked but guess it was just who they wanted since the justification for any of the three is basically the same.

As to classes, well, there are options. Ironically, the two missing girls would the easiest to sort into the epic 7 class system. Kyokou would be a fire warrior, while Sayaka would be a water knight. Mami would almost certainly be a ranger, but not sure about the element. Guess earth would be the one left, although I don't think it necessarily fits best but better than the others?

Madoka and Homura slot neatly under Light and Dark respectively, although that would be weird with the summoning system, but maybe they could make a special case for the collab where we can summon them with normal bookmarks instead of moonlight bookmarks? As for their classes, things get tricky there. They both use ranged weapons, so I guess if Madoka fights with her bow, she could also be a ranger. Homura using guns also fits for ranger but having an all three collab units be ranger would be weird. Homura could also work as a thief, I guess, or a mage. Madoka could also easily be a soul weaver, or a mage as well, so there is a lot of leeway which is not present with the other girls.

Ability wise, Mami would probably have three active skills with Tiro Finale being her S3 finisher move which does a lot of dmg. Her S2 might be an aoe with a stun chance or CR manipulation or both. S1 would just be your usual single target attack.

Homura probably would have a single target S3, but I could see her having a passive S2 with her time-stop shenanigans. Mayhe allows her whole team to have a huge CR boost every two turns when a condition is met? Or stuns the enemies, stopping time for them or something like that.

No idea about Madoka, She could both be a dmg dealer, what with being canonically the strongest magical girl who can oneshot Walpurgisnacht but also being a kind protector of magical girls, so I could also see a self sacrificial and protective S3.

There are a lot of options and obviously, this could still be fake (is most likely a fake)

Hoping it is real, though.

[banditthewriter]

Trust Is Earned - Charles Vane - 3

And here we have part three! Thank you to everyone who has read and interacted with this story in any way. I appreciate you all and I hope you’re enjoying it.

No real warning for this chapter!

*gif not mine*

Enjoy!

------

“I’ve been informed that I might want to apologize for my behavior the last time I was here.”

You looked up from the candles you were placing on the shelf and frowned in the direction of Jack Rackham. He was alone, no Anne Bonny at his side. You raised an eyebrow and then went back to your candles.

“Is that so?”

There was a shuffle of feet and then Rackham was a little closer than he was before. The store was empty save the two of you, but he still dropped his voice to a whisper as he spoke.

“With the new partnership that you have with Charles, it’s in our best interest to put any animosity behind us, don’t you think?”

A laugh bubbled up in your throat at that. Rackham had a habit of spewing out a great number of words to say a simple thing in an attempt to confuse the other person. He definitely didn’t talk like a pirate.

But he was a pirate all the same.

“My partnership is with the captain of The Ranger. As you are her quartermaster, that partnership extends to you. We can let bygones be bygones as long as you’re aware that if anything like that ever happens again, our partnership might have to come to new terms.”

He nodded his understanding. You watched as he placed his hand over his heart and gave a little bow before he turned back to the door.

“You didn’t actually apologize,” you called as you turned back to the candles on the shelves.

“Excuse me?”

“You were told to apologize but you didn’t actually say the words. I’d like to hear them.”

He didn’t look happy with that, apparently thinking he’d be allowed to slip away with just the thought of an apology instead of the actual act. But you watched as he physically swallowed his pride and stood up straighter.

“I am truly sorry for my behavior and actions when last I was here. Anne and I both extend these apologies to you so that we might be forgiven for our transgressions.”

You had a feeling that Anne was absent because she’d rather cut off her own hand than apologize to you. Not that you blamed her. Both of them were doing what they were told, what they saw as right since you were someone who was in the way of what they wanted.

Nassau was about freedom and pirates operated by their own rules.

“I accept your apology.” You turned back to the candles and let out a quick breath. “About the supplies that you requested when two the of you were here a few days ago. I should have the last of it this evening. Would you like me to bring them to the beach or would you prefer to pick them up here?”

He was once again thrown from his rhythm. You really enjoyed doing that to pirates.

“Bring them to the beach. Thank you.”

He seemed almost suspicious of you as he left the General. You simply smiled as you went back to the backroom to grab another crate of candles.

------

The bag you carried had the last of the things that Rackham had ordered. You stepped around a few drunken men passed out in the sand as you made your way through the different tents and huts that had been erected for the crews. 

The area used by The Ranger crew was known as one you did not just wander into, but you had never been scared to walk among the pirates of Nassau. You showed them respect and they did the same to you. Even the ones that thought they didn’t need to follow the rules still gave you a wide berth. 

You’d never understood it honestly. Maybe it was just because you were necessary. Maybe it was because you didn’t pick sides.

If the other crews ever found out about your deal with Vane, that might not last.

The tent that Bonny and Rackham shared was empty so you made your way to the next tent on the list. Sure enough they were in with Vane, the three of them discussing needing to careen The Ranger before they went on their next hunt.

“Excuse me,” you called from the opening, not wanting to intrude. “Just came to drop off your order.” 

Rackham stood up to take the bag from you. As he did that, Bonny pulled out a pouch with the rest of your coin in it. As she started to hold it out to you, Vane took it from her. He hefted it in one hand before he looked up and met your eyes.

“You mentioned three leads for a hunt. I think it’s time we talked those out.”

You raised an eyebrow as you looked from him to the coin in his hand. It was as subtle of a reminder that you could manage that you weren’t someone he could intimidate anymore. He tossed the pouch at you after a long silence.

“This partnership only works if we trust each other,” you said as you made a show of not counting the coins but tucking it into the pocket of your dress. “As this will be our first act in this partnership, I want to make sure I’m not giving you a false lead. Let me do my due diligence and then I promise I will get you your lead.”

Vane looked like he was going to object but you gave him a pointed look.

“Trust, Vane,” you repeated firmly. “I know what I’m doing.”

After a beat or two of him staring at you, he finally nodded and leaned back once more. You turned back towards the entrance to the tent but not before you caught the look of surprise Rackham and Bonny shared.

As you started to walk, you noticed something interesting on a long to the side in the tent. Candles of all sizes and shapes, more than this tent would ever need. 

How long had he been sending Rackham and Bonny to spy on you?

Hopefully that would be over with now. Trust, you reminded yourself. It had to work.

------

The sun was starting to set, leaving Nassau in a hue of orange that always made you smile. You sat on a large boulder overlooking a part of the bay that was away from the man entrance to Nassau. The fort that Captain Hornigold called home was at your back, protecting the island from any harm. 

Right there you felt protected and safe in a way you rarely felt in Nassau. Right there, the spot you had claimed years ago as a place for you to stop and think, you felt sure for the first time in so long.

“Your note said I’d find you here.”

You looked over to watch Vane approach you on the small span of beach that sat through the trees. It was hidden from view so not many people knew it was there. It was the only place you could think to meet the captain if you wanted to try to keep this partnership a secret.

The water called your attention again.You stared out into the horizon and wondered if you stared long enough you might be able to see more.

“I love it here. It reminds me of the only time I’ve been on a ship was to come here to Nassau. I don’t remember much about the voyage but I do remember standing on the deck and thinking that this must be what it’s like to be a bird in flight.”

You heard the sand shift beneath his boots as he walked over and leaned against one of the other large boulders on this part of the beach.

“Did you bring me here to reminisce?”

You let a sad smile cross your features before you looked over at him.

He looked at ease, but you knew it wasn’t true. Vane was a viper ready to strike at any given moment. And this close, you were definitely within striking distance.

“I’ve preached about trust, but the truth is, you have every right not to trust me. Considering I lied to you when we met.” You shook your head and turned away from him, back to the sea. “But I have no option but to trust you. If any of the crews learned of this partnership, it would be hell for me. I can’t exactly claim neutrality if I’m working with you, can I?”

You reached into the pocket of your skirt and pulled out a folded piece of parchment which you handed over. 

“Your lead. It has the locations of the start and end of their voyage as well as when and where they plan on making landfall for resupply. At the bottom you’ll see a list of a few of the things that have been declared on their manifest.”

He looked it over and you knew when he saw the list you mentioned because his eyes widened.

“This is quite the prize. If it’s true,” he added with a look that said he still wasn’t sure if he trusted you.

“I guess there’s one way for you to find out, isn’t there?” You looked away from him and out into the water once more. “I have buyers in line for some of the items if you’re successful, but if you still don’t trust me, take your prize to Eleanor Guthrie and see what she offers you for it.”

It was a dismissal, even if he didn’t realize. He folded the paper and tucked it into his shirt before he took a step away from the boulder, away from you. A few more steps and he turned back to look at you.

He didn’t say anything but you felt his gaze on you. Then, just as quietly as he had arrived, he disappeared back through the trees.

------

There were more clouds over the island than usual. A storm was on its way if the weather was any indication. You could only hope that The Ranger was on its way back to Nassau and out of the way of the storm.

You walked by the Guthrie’s warehouse on your way to drop off another order. Two men were unloading barrels of something and normally you wouldn’t have paid them any mind, but you recognized one of the men. He was part of The Ranger’s crew. 

Perhaps you were wrong. It was possible, wasn’t it? There were hundreds of pirates on the island so it made sense that maybe you didn’t recognize them all.

But no, as you pretended to be engrossed in one of the street stalls, you overheard Mr. Clark mention Vane’s name directly to the men who were unloading the barrels. 

It seems that Vane had decided to stick with Guthrie after all. 

It shouldn’t surprise you, but like so many things lately, you had been caught off guard. For some reason you had put a lot of weight behind the idea that this partnership would go forward. While you’d never thought about making this step before, now you were actually interested in seeing where it could go.

And now it is over. 

Maybe you’d have to look into making the offer to another captain. You would make the offer to Captain Flint but he had a connection with Eleanor Guthrie. Vane had had a connection to her, albeit a different type of connection, and you saw how that had ended.

It would have to be one of the other crews, but you hadn’t dealt with many captains directly so you’d need to do some research before you put your foot into it again.

With the sting of betrayal and… something else… from Vane going back to Guthrie, you went back to dropping off your order. With a few more coins in hand, you made your way back to your shop.

The door stuck a bit as you pushed it open. On the floor, as if it had been pushed under the seam, you saw a folded piece of parchment. You carefully picked it up. There was no one on the road when you had come this way so you weren’t sure who had dropped it off. It wasn’t uncommon for someone to leave their order if you weren’t here, but for some reason you doubted that’s what this was.

When you opened the paper, you found that it wasn’t an order at all. It simply listed a time for you to go to the spot on the beach that you loved. The spot where you had met Vane before he had gone off for his hunt.

Was this Vane’s handwriting? The writing of one of his men? It didn’t look like Rackham’s at least. 

You checked the time and then slipped the note into your pocket. There was a chance that this was a trap, but you weren’t going to hide. You would just make sure to bring your pistol. Just in case Vane had any intention of violence.

------

The little hidden inlet where you were to meet Vane was empty when you arrived. The boulder you usually sat on had a good vantage point of the entrance so you sat down on it, your back to the ocean. The pistol sat under the folds of your dress, your hand on the hard line of the muzzle in case you needed to grab it in a hurry.

Your position meant that you saw Vane approach. You could actually see him consider your position on the boulder as he moved across the sand over to where you were.

“We’ll need to come up with a better system in the future.”

The hand that you had on the pistol tightened and then released. You were sure your face showed the confusion you felt.

“The future?”

He nodded as he leaned against the boulder across from you.

“Unless you want to continue tempting fate with me leaving notes at your shop. If we have a routine for where I’m to bring the merchandise, it would be better for you, wouldn’t it?”

The words all meant something but you had to take a minute to figure out what he was saying.

“Your men were selling your merchandise to Guthrie. I saw them when I was dropping off orders.”

He crossed his arms over his chest as he looked you over.

“It seemed like a good idea to split the haul between you and Guthrie in order to keep her from being suspicious until we figure out how we plan on playing this. I had the men sell a few things of rum, some fabric. Everything that was on the list you gave me is still on my ship in the bay, waiting for you.”

You wanted to laugh, but you weren’t brave enough. Not after the amount of adrenaline that had been coursing through your veins since you had received the note. Instead you closed your eyes and let out a breath.

“You’ll have to bring them in at night so that no one sees. I’ll give you the directions to where we’ll be storing them. I’ll alert my contact that you’re back in Nassau and he’ll come to handle the transport.”

This part of the deal had been discussed, but putting it into motion was a different thing completely. It was real, it was happening. Vane had stuck to his side of the deal after all.

You started to move off of the boulder but you’d forgotten the pistol in your skirt. It rolled off of the boulder and landed in the sand at the bottom. Before you could hop down and cover it up, Vane had bent down to pick it up.

“You brought a pistol to meet with me? What happened to trust?”

There was a smirk on his lips so at least he didn’t mind that you had come armed. He held it out to you with the muzzle pointed in his direction. You hesitated before you grabbed the pistol and put it back on the boulder beside you.

“I had seen your men at the Guthrie warehouse so I thought that you had decided not to use my services. There was the worry that perhaps you intended to exact a different form of payback for my lying to you.”

His eyes darted back down to the pistol and then to your face.

“Are you any good with that?”

You let out a laugh at that. He stepped back so that you could dismount from the boulder. Then you grabbed the pistol and tucked it back into the pocket of your dress, feeling the weight as a comfort now instead of a threat.

“I haven’t had many chances to try it on a person, but I’ve declared open season on rats in the store before. Not my brightest plan, but it worked.”

Vane did something then that startled you. He actually laughed. Of course you knew he was laughing at you and not with you, but right then you really didn’t mind.

He looked different when he laughed.

“I’ll have the men unload the items tonight. Where do they need to bring it?”

You explained how to get to the warehouse that you had acquired for this purpose. He seemed impressed by the lengths you’d gone to. Once everything was settled and ready, he gave a nod and turned to leave.

Without the apprehension you had when you first arrived, you let yourself turn to the ocean and stare out at it. The water glittered as the waves crashed in the distance. The storm was coming and it would be a rough one.

At least The Ranger was back in the bay. Hopefully not many of the crews were out on the water at the moment.

“You know, if you ever want to sail again,” Vane said from a ways away, startling you out of your thoughts, “you could come on The Ranger.”

With that he gave you another brief nod before he left through the trees. 

Alone you tried to figure out where that had come from. Then you remembered what you had told him the first time you brought him here. He had apparently remembered it and gave it enough thought to offer for you to sail with his ship.

You weren’t sure you’d ever understand that man.

------

“I haven’t seen you in a while,” a familiar said from behind you.

You had been folding fabric that you had purchased for a new dress. At the statement, you turned and smiled at Billy. He stood in the middle of your store, his eyes roaming over you in a way that was familiar enough.

“I’ve been around. Nowhere else for someone like me to go,” you said as you finished folding the fabric.

He made his way over to you, the gentle stagger in his step telling you what the glazed look in his eyes had already said. It wasn’t often that he overindulged in alcohol, but when he did, he often found his way to your bed. You watched as he ran one finger across the fabric you held.

“That’ll look good on you,” he said as he plucked at the edge of the fabric. “Who are you dressing up for?”

“Who indeed,” you replied sarcastically as you tucked the fabric under your arm. “You’re drunk Billy Bones.”

He staggered into you, his hands on your shoulders and your waist. He leaned down and kissed the side of your neck, down a bit more before he redirected his mouth towards yours.

But you turned your face away from his so that the lips brushed your ear instead.

“Wha’?”

You pushed at his heavy form until he stepped back a bit. You saw the confusion on his face as you turned away from him fully.

“Go sleep it off Billy. Or go to the inn and get one of Mr. Noonan’s girls. You won’t find what you’re looking for here.”

You made your way to the hidden door that led to your rooms. Drunk or not, you could see that Billy had locked the door to the shop so you didn’t have to worry about anyone seeing this spectacle.

“You’re kidding. You’re not kidding.” Billy stumbled after you, his hand reaching out for you but missing in the darkness of the rooms you entered. “Me being in my cups hasn’t stopped us before.”

With a few candles lit you could see Billy’s face as he looked you over. He did look confused, but there was something else there. Something else you had seen start to build over the last few encounters. Something that had been there ever since James Flint had made his statement to you that Billy was sweet on you.

“This isn’t a good idea Billy. This, you and me, it’s dangerous for me. I never cared before because nothing ever came of it, but that isn’t true anymore, is it?”

Billy finally got a hold on your arm, his touch gentle but firm enough to keep your attention on him. As if you could possibly ignore him.

“You told Flint that you didn’t blame me.”

“And I don’t. What happened to my store is the fault of The Ranger crew and it’s captain, the blame lies there. But you were the catalyst. We have enjoyed each other’s company for a while now but I think perhaps we would do best to take a step back from that.”

He shook his head, but you didn’t think he was telling you no. It seemed more like he was trying to clear his head.

“What we have–”

“Was sex,” you cut in, your voice firm as you pulled your arm from his grasp. “Good sex, fun sex, but just sex. And sex comes to an end. Please, Billy, don’t make this out to be more than it needs to be.”

He took a step back. The look on his face said that he wanted to continue, to try to convince you otherwise, but he finally sighed. His shoulders slumped a bit and he nodded his understanding.

“I’m sorry Y/N.”

You reached out and grasped his hand gently in yours.

“You have nothing to apologize for Billy. I promise.” Then you gave him a smile as you gestured towards the couch in the front room you were in. “Do you want to sleep it off here? Or do you think you can make it back to the beach in one piece?”

He laughed and rubbed his free hand across his face.

“I think I better try to make it to the beach at least. Or the inn at least,” he said with a shake of his head as if he didn’t want that at all. “Thanks for the offer.”

You released his hand and watched his back as he made his way out of the rooms and into the store. You waited until you heard the door shut before you went in to lock up behind him. 

You did care about Billy and you probably always would, but it wasn’t what you thought it had been. The care you felt towards him was almost sisterly if you ignored the fact that you knew him intimately. One thing you knew for certain was that the care you had for him was why you didn’t want to lead him on anymore.

As you curled up alone in your bed that night, you fell asleep with the distant image of someone else in your mind. Someone with blue eyes, braids in his hair, and a rough hand clasped in yours.

X

Permanent Tag List! @hermioneshandbag @onebatch--twobatch @blackcoffeeandgreenteaforme @citation-is-here @mightymelly @realduckvader @hxbbit @thepuffyeyedpuff @the-three-eyed-ravenclaw @yessy2012 @gingerstarlight @siriusement @marauderskeeper @xinyourdreamsx @wickidlady @sassygirl25 @maraudereestauderelb @holamor @lea----b @heyitslexy @coffeenmoscato @presstocontinue @elisemockingbird @assbuttwithwings @geeksareunique @witch-of-letters @delicatelilyflower @l-l-c-m-w-b @whovianayesha @hiddenprincess @yannii04 @brighteststarinthesky @kilyra @gallxntdean @sweetvengeancee @lady1505 @thedarklightwithinus @ateliefloresdaprimavera @siriuslyimmoony @elodieyung @fudgeflyss @madamrogers @thatwrestlingfan91 @teranya @sophiabulbu69 @delusionsofnostalgia @effielumiere @mamaraptor @hot-and-spiceyyy @i-padfootblack-things @aya-fay @sergeantbuchanans @raquelbc2003 @iwishyoucouldbekissed @taman-a @newtstarmander @blushingskywalker @queencocoakimmie @funerals-with-cake @love-driah @arrowswithwifi​ @swiftyhowlz​ @cheyfleur​ @dark-night-sky-99​ @celestegolden​ @king4thesirens​ @beautifuldesastre​ @ashkuuuu​ @luminex3​ @nerdypinupcrystal​ @iblogabout-stuff​ @curlyhairedblueeyedangel​ @myplaceofheavenorhell​ @also-fangirlinsweden​ @traeumerinwitzhelden​ @binbons-is-theloml​ @lostinthoughts23​ @aikeia​ @christinawxxx​ @dontlwtitbreakyourheart​ @rhabakoli​ @j-finco​ @sweetybuzz25​ @supernaturalonice​ @jeanettexkillian​ @jigsawlover10​ @gollyderek​ @polireader​ @witchygagirl​ @carlaangel86​ @listenbigfoot​ @hiddleless​ @meganlpie​ @arsaky-lou​ @angelic-kisses13​ @countryday​ @random-quartz​ @peaceinourtime82​ @outwicked​ @supernaturaldean67​ @cafeconsoya @russosprettydiamondnow @yesixoxo

[xanican-exile]

Interview the Muse

Do all of them

Long post under the cut

- What is your Full name? Include any maiden names, aliases, or nicknames.

”Venix Savreux. My last name is Mornese, I guess that must be where my mother was from. Its a country a bit to the east of Xanica.” - When is your birthday? Do you know where you were born and at what time?

”I’m actually not sure. I know that my birthday is a few weeks before the first snowfalls, but rangers didn’t really have calendars out in the Wyrmswood.”

- What is your star sign? Do you know your Chinese Zodiac too?

“I don’t know what that means.”

- What is your earliest memory that you can remember?

“My... Mother wiping a bloody scrape on my cheek. I’m really young, can’t be more than 4 or 5? It hurts a lot but I won’t let myself cry. Babies cry, but I won’t. She’s chiding me for getting in a fight, especially with two boys that are bigger than me. But I think a little part of her is proud. They were making fun of me for being a whore’s son.”

- Where was your childhood home? Was it more urban or rural?

“I was born in docks quarter of Esklay, one of the big port cities in Xanica.”

- How was your childhood in general? Did your parents treat you well? Did you have a lot of friends?

“My mother and I didn’t have much. She was a whore, no idea who my dad was, and I wasn’t exactly around there long enough to make friends.”

“Things got a lot better when I joined the rangers though.”

- How was/is school? What is your favorite and least favorite subjects? What were your grades on average?

“I didn’t go to school, but I was trained to be a ranger from the time I was... 8, 9? Something like that. I know I was ranked pretty high among the cadets, I was the top in sword skills, but everyone else that would join my pack was better than me in at least one thing.”

- Did you have a best friend growing up? What was their name? Are you still in touch?

“No, no I’m not in contact with any of them. Vex, Rand, Mako, Velite, Ilia. They.. They aren’t around anymore.”

- Were you in any cliques?

“We were encouraged to become close to small groups, they would become our pack once our training was finished.”

- Best childhood memory you can recall?

“The day my pack became full rangers.”

- Worst childhood memory you can recall?

“... My mom dying.”

- Name an event in your childhood that has shaped you into the person you are today

“Probably the day I was found by the rangers. After my mom died I ran from home, didn’t know where I was going, too young to think beyond getting away. I think it was a few weeks of being on my own, barely surviving on scraps. I guess I was going north, because I eventually ended up in the Wyrmswood. I don’t know how, it’s hundreds of miles from where Esklay is on the coast, must have ended up in one of its southernmost reaches. I.. I ended up passing out around a ranger campfire, barely noticing the people watching me. A lot of lost kids, orphans, bastards, and street rats end up as rangers, but I’ve never heard of any others stumbling on them like I did. Its probably happened, Xanica is pretty big, but I’ve never heard of it. Anyway, when I woke up they fed me, tended to my wounds, and teased my story out of me. I remember one of them asking me if I would like to be strong enough to never let something like this happen again. I took his offer without a second thought.”

- What is the dumbest thing you have ever done to impress someone? Were they impressed or was it all for naught?

“I guess there was a couple times when I was still training that I tried to go off on my own, hunt things I wasn’t ready to to impress our masters. Only took a couple beatings before I stopped doing that though.”

- Did you ever have any sweethearts or lovers? Do you have a boy/girlfriend?

“Not really. I’m on the road a lot, going from place to place. I don’t get time to get close to a girl like that. There is this one bard I seem to keep running into though..”

- Are you a virgin?

“No.”

- Do you ever plan on getting married in your life? Do you want kids?

“I’ve.. never really thought about that. I guess no. Having a family or getting married doesn’t sound like something I can do.”

- Would you rather have your own kids or adopt? How many kids would you want?

“I don’t really have a preference, its hard for my to imagine doing either.”

- Do you think you'd be a protective parent or a relaxed parent?

“I don’t think I’d be a very good one.”

- How would you prefer to pass away? Surrounded by loved ones and at peace, or while doing something heroic?

“Definitely fighting. I want whatever takes me down to remember how much of a struggle it was to kill me.”“

- Generally, how healthy are you? Do you get sick or injured easily or are you fit?

“I do everything I can to stay in peak physical condition. Doing otherwise would mean I end up dead in my line of work.”

- Have you ever been badly injured before?

“Several times. You don’t fight monsters for over a decade without collecting a fair share of scars.”

- What is the worst injury you have ever gotten? What was it and how did it happen? Were you ever close to death?

“This one right here. Those three slashes across my chest? Those are from a Wyrmling. Its like a wyvern but flightless and with four legs. I had to hunt one on my own once. Those claws destroyed my armor, but I would have been turned to paste if I hadn’t been wearing it.”

- How many times have you been to the hospital/doctor's?

“I haven’t been to many hospitals. Those are for sick people, but I’ve had to visit a lot of surgeons and healers over the years to get stitched up or have other wounds treated. I’ve never tried counting how many times I’ve been to those.���

- Have you ever had a concussion or brain injury? Have you ever had amnesia?

“I’ve had more than a few concussions, but I don’t think I’ve ever had amnesia or a serious brain injury, thankfully.”

“...I should really get a helmet.”

- What was the worst illness you ever contacted? Do you know what it was? How long were you sick?

“I don’t know what it was, but there was one time that I was stuck in bed for over a week as a child. It happens sometimes to cadets, they weren’t sure I’d survive, but I proved stronger than they expected.”

- Ever had any extended hospital stays? What for?

“Didn’t I already answer this?”

- Have you ever had to give yourself or someone else emergency first aid? What happened?

“Multiple times. Sometimes they lived, sometimes they didn’t.”

- Are you employed? Where do you work and who do you work for? What do you do?

“I guess you could call me a mercenary. Since leaving Xanica I’ve made my living going from place to place dealing with bandits, poachers, and monsters. Once or twice I’ve been hired to stay on a noble’s estates for a season to keep it guarded. Those jobs are boring, but pay best.”

- Are you happy with your current job?

“...No. Most of it is just busywork. I do it because its what I know, because its closest to what I used to do. But I wish I had something more meaningful to use my skills for.”

- Did you have any previous jobs? What were they and what did you do?

“I was raised to be a ranger. Its what I did until leaving Xanica about 2 years ago.”

- Most dangerous thing you have ever done?

“That’s hard to say. I’ve been involved in a lot of dangerous things. The expedition into the Divide might be at the top though.”

- Do you consider yourself a more active person or a more relaxed person?

“Definitely more active. I’m not good at sitting around doing nothing for than a day or so.”

- What is your dream come true? How about your worst nightmare?

“My... My nightmare already happened. My dream would be for my pack to be alive.”

- What is the biggest and most important goal you have set for yourself?

“To never let what happened to the rangers happen to someone else.”

- How persistent would you say you are? How much does it take to get you to give up on a task?

“I’d like to say I don’t give up easy, but I guess I’ve already given in on the stuff that matters.”

- Would you surrender yourself to your enemies or fight to the very end?

“Fight. I won’t run again, not while there is something I can still do.”

- When do you usually do your shopping? What is currently on your shopping list?

“Usually between jobs, or right after I finish one. Right now I need to get myself some new rope, hardtack, my cloak stitched, and a pan for cooking.”

- Top three things on your wishlist?

“Wyvernhide leather cuirass, a pair of those new glyph inscribed boots that resist water, and a warm chocolate mint drink.”

- Currently, what is something you want but do not need?

“A warm chocolate mint drink “

- Do you like shopping? What is your favorite thing to shop for?

“I don’t know if I like shopping, but I don’t dislike it either, its just something I have to do.”

- What is the most expensive thing you have purchased? Was it worth it?

“My mail shirt. Absolutely worth it, saved my life more than once.”

- What would you do if you were suddenly given one billion dollars out of the blue?

“I’m not sure. I don’t really buy a lot of luxuries. Maybe I would purchase a keep or something? A place to winter at when the roads get snowed over.”

- What would you describe your style of clothing as?

“Practical.”

- Do you have any hobbies? Name all of them if you can.

“I can make simple woodcarvings, I play the flute, and I guess I’ve dabbled in falconry.”

- Do you like and appreciate art? What is your favorite piece of artwork?

- Do you like music? What is your favorite style of music?

- Have you ever seen any musicals? What is your favorite?

- What are your top three favorite animals? What would you say your "Patronus" or "Spirit Animal" is?

“Eagles, Hawks, and Bears. Most rangers would probably say our spirits are most like wolves.”

- What are your top three favorite colors?

“Red, white, and I guess yellow or amber, though that last one is really just with eye colors.”

- What is your favorite season? Do you prefer hotter or colder weather? Do you like snow at all?

“Spring. I can’t stand the snow, it makes it easier to be tracked, and the work always slows down during the winter.”

- What kind of flavors do you prefer: Sweet, Sour, Bitter, Spicy, Dry, or Umami (savory meat taste)?

“Savory is my favorite. I’m not really a fan of sweets aside from fruits. I like mint a lot as well, but I don’t know what that falls under.”

- Can you cook at all?

“Yes. Everyone in the pack took turns cooking. So we all got pretty good at it.”

- What is your favorite dish? Can you prepare it? Do you have the recipe handy?

“I don’t know if I have a favorite, but I do like going to new places and trying their foods.”

- What is your favorite fruit and vegetable?

“Strawberries and onions.”

- What is your favorite dessert? What is your favorite type of candy/treat?

“Choclate is just about the only sweet I enjoy.”

- What is the best thing you have ever had the opportunity to eat? What is the worst?

“Xanican haggis is always a treat.”

- Do you like to drink tea or coffee? Any favorite flavors?

“Both are good, as I said earlier I like mind a lot.”

- Describe your sense of humor.

“Sarcasm.”

- What is one thing you are justly proud of?

“My skill with a sword. I’ve always been good with a blade. The best of all the rangers in my age group.”

- Do you have any religious beliefs? If not, have you ever been to a church service?

“Everyone pays respect to the gods, but I wouldn’t say I’m really religious. I’ve had to go to a few services when going to priest or nun healers. They usually make that their payment.”

- What would you say is the worst thing someone has done to you? What is the meanest thing someone has ever said to you?

"Tricking my pack into helping stoke the fires of a civil war and then getting them all killed. Anything that’s been said to me doesn’t even come close to that.”

- What is the worst thing you have done to someone? What is the meanest thing you have said to anyone?

“I’m not really sure. I tend not to talk much unless I have something really worth saying, insults are usually not worth the effort.” “Worst thing I’ve ever done to someone is definitely kill them. I’ve had to kill quite a few people.”

- Share the latest entry in your diary/journal.

“I can’t write.”

- What is the most precious thing you own? Is it valuable at all?

“Garmr. My sword. Over a thousand years old. I’ve heard some people say that its worth a kingdom, I wouldn’t know, and I don’t plan to sell it.”

- Talk about someone you know. It can be someone you either like or dislike.

“Rubio. He’s just a kid, got a lot of heart but a chip on his shoulder too. He’s had a rough start to his life, and I’m hoping to teach him a few things so he can make the rest of it better.”

[honourablejester]

Faction Notes: The Iron Carillon

(Some random D&D inspired worldbuilding notes for a homebrew faction built around a homebrew deity, riffing strongly on the idea of the Blood War between fiends)

A semi-secret organisation with widespread activity built around three main missions:

to fight slavery, both as an institution and incidentally

to fight the forces of the Abyss 

to recover dangerous weapons and artefacts, particularly those made by the god Weyloun in his captivity, and destroy them

The faction is a lay organisation (the Iron Carillon) built around a core of a religious order (the Order of the Bell/Bells of Weyloun). While its mandates are divine in origin, direct from the forge god Weyloun himself, no particular religious devotion is required to join the lay orders, only a true devotion to any of their missions and a willingness to help with the others.

Sections to Follow:

Weyloun (Deity)

Order of the Bell (Religious Order)

The Iron Carillon (Lay Organisation)

Other Notes

Weyloun (Deity):

Weyloun is a neutral good deity of forgecraft, freedom, and secret battles. Known as Weyloun the Forge God, Weyloun the Unshackled, Weyloun the Bell-Founder.

Aeons ago, when metalworking was only beginning as a craft, he wandered the world in mortal form to help inspire and do the work in person. At this time, the perpetual war in the lower planes between demons and devils had sparked to fresh and all-out battle, and a powerful and treacherous demon lord realised that Weyloun’s mortal wanderings presented a great opportunity. Taking the god by force and magically binding him in his mortal (elven) form, the demon lord successfully dragged him down into the Abyss and held him in torturous captivity there for centuries, forcing him to forge great weapons for the blood war. These weapons were of such power that after time the demons began to win, and the demon lord began to set his sights a little higher – to the mortal plane, and the celestial ones above it. He demanded that Weyloun forge weapons powerful enough to kill celestials and even gods. In return for this, he said, he would finally allow the forge god the freedom of death.

Weyloun balked, and realised that he had run out of time to perfect his secret project. For years in his captivity, he had been working on a new technique as a ‘hobby’, as much as a slave could have such a thing. It was a harmless technique, or so the demons thought, so they had allowed it. Weyloun had invented the art of bell-founding. When presented with this demand of the demons, to turn against his own people, mortal and divine alike, he hastily finished his greatest design: an inoffensive iron bell, small and light enough for even a mortal to wield.

The Bell of Sundering. Not a weapon, but a tool. A bell that could break any bond, of metal or stone or magic or power. Any bond.

Such as, for example, the one keeping a god in his mortal form.

Not much is told of how the freshly-divine Weyloun tore himself free of the Abyss, for demons do not speak of it, and neither does Weyloun. He emerged to the Celestial Planes scarred, baring the marks of shackles around wrist, neck and ankle, and tormented by the knowledge of what he had done in his captivity. Weyloun could not forget the terrible weapons he had forged in the Abyss, the monstrous power he had put in demon hands, and vowed to regain them and destroy them or die trying. He vowed, too, that never would he nor any servant of his ever countenance slavery or the keeping of a captive workforce.

To this end, while his main priesthood continued the work of his craft, inspiring the work of mortal hands to shape metal, another order was formed among his celestials and later mortals. This one, to do that other work, to free slaves, to fight demons, and to destroy that which should not have been forged. Named for Weyloun’s most sacred art, that of bell-founding, and for the artefact that had won his freedom: The Order of the Bell.

(Note: Yes, I am basing this about half-and-half on Wayland the Smith and IM1 Tony Stark. Because the enslaved smith is a whole thing with me, blood and iron and building your way out. It’s a thing. So very much)

Order of the Bell (Religious Order):

Also known as the Bells of Weyloun, the Order of the Bell is an order of clerics, paladins, monks and holy artificers devoted to Weyloun, both in his main aspect as a Forge God, but also in his lesser-known aspects as a god of trickery, knowledge, and divine tempest. It is a lesser known monastic order, most strongly associated with bell-foundries, since it runs several of the most famous in the world, supplying bells and carillons to many cities and towns. It is also known to act as support for several of the more martial religious orders of other gods, forging primarily defensive equipment such as armour for them. Relatively few people are aware that the order fields forces of its own, since the battles they fight are usually much smaller and more secretive.

The bell is the holy symbol of the order, often in the form of a grey bell on a black field, and many of its members carry iron bells that they have forged themselves as a symbol of their devotion. Famously among those who know of the order’s existence, some of those bells are magical, echoes of their parent artefact, the Bell of Sundering, and are known to break bonds and open locks (note: see Chime of Opening). These bells are usually only found among ranked members of the order.

A particular tenet of belief and behaviour for the order is that penance is not carried out through pain but through work, and that even those who have done the enemy’s work, as Weyloun was once forced to do, may redeem themselves through honest work for the order.

Classes often found in the Order of the Bell:

Clerics (of Weyoun, mostly Forge, Trickery and Tempest, with some Knowledge and War)

Paladins (primarily the Oaths of Devotion, Redemption and the Watchers)

Monks (any Way, but a surprising number of Way of Shadow)

Artificers (heavier emphasis on defensive rather than offensive disciplines, with Armourer as the pinnacle)

The Iron Carillon (Lay Organisation):

Around the core of the Order of the Bell, a wider organisation of lay agents and operatives has accrued, sharing the three missions of their parent order. As a general rule, the Iron Carillon tends to be a much more eclectic collection of individuals and operatives than the Order of the Bell, and is generally formed of those with a personal reason to object to slavery, demons or destructive artefacts, or any combination of the above.

The Iron Carillon often serves as the main information gathering organ of the Order of the Bell, scouting out slaving operations, demonic cults and rumours of artefacts. It usually functions as a collection of small cells or local teams, connected through a larger information network to both each other and to the main outposts of the Order. Large operations involving multiple cells are usually routed through the Order, but there are several high-ranking and central lay operatives as well, and it is possible for large operations to be fielded without any of Weyoun’s blessed present. Missions against cults of the Abyss, however, almost always involve the Order.

The Iron Carillon shares the symbol of its parent order, that of the iron bell, and operatives who are not undercover often carry a patch with the grey bell on the black field. Havens and guild houses of the Carillon may also have actual, functional carillons as well, usually as something bordering on a joke, though they also work well as alarms too. If a guild house or haven is compromised, they will sound the full carillon as cacophonously and discordantly as possible to signal to local operatives that the house has fallen (and maybe deafen some attackers in the process). However, since bells and carillons are so strongly associated with Weyloun, and known by many of his primary enemies, more deep-cover cells will usually eschew them.

The Iron Carillon is significantly more secretive than the Order of the Bell. Because many of their activities involve scouting out and infiltrating extremely dangerous enemies, from slavers to cults, the Carillon tends to play its cards significantly closer to its chest.

As stated, membership for the Iron Carillon is much more broad than for the Order of the Bell, and requires no particular religious devotions at all. Classes found in the Carillon can honestly be just about anything, but rogues, rangers, wizards and bards are very common, given the Carillon’s emphasis on scouting, infiltration, and the uncovering of lore and activity concerning demons and artefacts. Repentant warlocks are more uncommon but very much a feature, although they may face a more difficult reception depending on the make-up of the local cells.

Other Notes:

The Iron Carillon can be involved in anything from relatively small-scale adventures vs slavers to god-level adventures vs the demons of the Abyss. It’s very probable that they make an effort to build connections to centres of learning and knowledge, to treasure hunting guilds and organisations, and to many criminal organisations that might be even tangentially involved with the slave trade, leaving a lot of avenues open to bump into them (or be part of them).

Magic items associated with or made by the Order of the Bell will be strongly defensive and utility in nature, with emphasis on the bells and armour, since they have a complicated relationship with weapons due to Weyloun’s history and the fact that one of their missions is to destroy several magical weapons. However, they might well have a lot of stealth and/or divination focused tools as well, especially for the Carillon more than the Order.

They possibly have a lot of interest in the Underdark, hotbed of racial slavery that it is, and home to several unholy portals as well.

There’s a lot of nasty room for counter-infiltration and betrayal with the organisation. Several demon lords, as well as many mortal slaving empires/organisations, would have a lot of reasons to want to slip inside and wreak havoc. Or, in the case of the demon lords in particular, to try and make the organisation betray itself. Dark artefacts to poison minds seem like a fun option. The One Ring, setting out to subvert those who wish to destroy it.

Conversely, it’s possible that several devils might be interested in helping the Order. Purely for their own gain, of course. Helping Weyloun, too, since his dramatic escape once upon a time both slowed the demons’ dominance and did enough damage to them to let the devils claw their way back in the blood war. Helping Weyloun take more demonic weapons off the table could be a useful thing for several dark forces.

(So could capturing him or his celestials and making them forge devil weapons instead)

The Order of the Bell likely also has an unspoken side mission of making sure Weyloun himself does not ever need to return to the mortal or lower planes save for apocalyptic emergencies, precisely to prevent history from repeating itself. You walk into the pit yourself if you have to, but you don’t drag anyone else down with you, especially when it could cost the world so very, very much. It’s an interesting little dynamic, to have the mortal servants be protective of their infinitely more powerful deity.

The Bell of Sundering itself should probably never go anywhere near the mortal plane, because I feel like that would be bad. So, yeah, a semi-to-fully-apocalyptic bad guy goal could also be getting a hold of the thing, as much as getting hold of Weyloun himself. Lots of apocalyptic shenanigans to get up to with a celestial artefact that can open any lock or seal in the universe …

The thing I love with forge gods and maker deities is that they then have to juggle the impact of the things they create. All the fun of mad science, on a mythic scale. Gotta love it!

[lockwoodlitherland]

DAMIAN

Name: Damian Parvi-Beckenheim Age: Twenty One (during original) Birthday: July 17th - Cancer  Height: 5ft 8

[FC: Manish Dayal ]

The good-natured smile that usually lit up his face died instantly. Damian shook his head gently, closing his eyes tight for a minute before opening them; there was a ghost on his doorstep. Unable to move his startled gaze away from the figure, he kicked clumsily at the wheelbarrow he’d been pushing, sending it rattling into the dense, frosted shrubbery that lined the long driveway up to the cabin. He was wearing his uniform: thickly muddied combat pants tucked into chunky walking boots, navy blue polo embossed with the logo of the Provincial Park that Beck owned and used as the guise for the family’s private territory.

“I- uhh.” His mouth hung open slightly and he let out a long breath, dazed, walking towards the porch. One hand gestured out in front of him in a half shrug while the other fumbled for his keys in his back pockets. Damian took the steps up to the doorway two at a time, brushing past her. He didn’t say anything. Truth be told, he had no idea what to really do with himself here or how to react to her sudden arrival.

He had changed since the last time Jamie saw him. The passing by of all those months had matured his features, subtly changing his face to reveal more bone structure than chubby cheeks. He’d grown a little taller, but mostly he’d grown wider. His shoulders and chest had filled out to become more muscular, his arms were much stronger and thicker. With age and with the hard work that came along with the physical labour of tending the park, Damian had really grown up in his appearance. Over the winter moths he had let his soldiers’ crew cut grow out. Now, his thick black hair was a little shaggy about his ears where the undercut had begun to grow. Currently, the thick mass of it was quaffed up and slicked back over to one side, held in place –most probably- by his sweat. Black stubble covered his more defined jaw line. He smelled of the earth and damp and sweat that smeared patches of his warm tanned skin. It was a considerable change from the baby faced, spiky haired boy Jamie had first met, all those years ago.

For a moment he lingered, looking uncertain before finally twisting the key. He gave the heavy wooden door a shove, looking back at her for a second with a furrowed brow, both confusion and concern in his deep brown eyes. Damian had always been so easily manipulated, Jamie had known that especially. He knew it, he hated it and he feared it.

Why is she here? He worried. Things had changed so much in the time they’d spent outside of each other’s lives. Absentmindedly, he threw his keys into the beaten metal bowl atop the set of drawers beside the row of coats that lined the wooden panelling of the hall. Damian was pretty sure the last time he was with her, it had been for sex. Sex was one thing; sex could mean a lot of things Damian had learned. Maybe this was different, he always had struggled to read her. The unexpectedness of this encounter had sent his mind spiralling a little, why did he feel embarrassed?

Taking a deep breathe he moved his palm over his forehead, brushing his fingers into the thick quaff of hair and holding it there for a moment as he turned around to Jamie in the doorway. He was trying to figure out and process what he was feeling before just lashing out into any kind of impulsive action, as Silvie had been helping him to do. There was an anger that sparked in his chest at the sight of her, crawling up his back and setting in his shoulders. He recognised the dullness of it as the shock at seeing her began to fade. He rolled his shoulders in an attempt to shake it off.

Let it go Parvi. He told himself, Annika’s voice echoing in his ears. After a second of holding his breath, mouth open, waiting for the words to come, he finally broke the icy silence.

“Do you, uh, want to come in?” He gestured further down the hall with his free hand.

BASIC STATISTICS

Full name: Damian Jalesh Parvi (legally changed to Beckenheim) Name origin: Westernised version of the Punjabi ‘Daman’ Nickname: D or Parvi Nickname origin: n/a Do they like the nickname?: Yes Preferred Pronoun(s): He/Him Titles/epithets: n/a Sex/gender: Male Age: Twenty One (during original) Birthday: 19th June Place of birth: Toronto, Ontario, Canada Race: Indo-Canadian Religion: Sikhism/Agnostic Occupation: Park Ranger

Relationship Status: Single

PHYSICAL APPEARANCE Height: 5ft 8 Eye color: Dark Brown Face shape: Oval Distinguishing facial features: - Other facial features: -

Describe their smile: Good natured, friendly, goofy Left or right-handed?: Right How do they dress?: Casually and comfortably Any special accessories? If so, why are they special?: Wrist Watch- belonged to his biological Grandfather who migrated to Canada from Punjab, India. Wrist band made by his little sister Silvia. Something they always carry with them: Above and Park shed’s keys. Weapons: n/a Describe hairstyle: Quiffed, overgrown crew cut Natural hair color: Black Natural hair texture: Thick and straight Cleanliness/grooming: Good Miscellaneous physical characteristics: Stocky, barrel-chested, thick armed Usual mood/expression: Cheerful

SPEECH AND COMMUNICATION Pace of speech: Slow Voice tone: Accent: Ontario, Canadian English (slips into mothers more traditional Indian accent when angry or drunk, swears in Punjabi) Describe their laugh: Describe general speech pattern: Mannerisms/demeanor: Typical posture: Gestures:

LIFE Current residence: Beck’s Park Cabin Do they live with anyone?: Usually Where would they ideally live?: Same place Any pets?: Current occupation? Are they satisfied with this?: Park Ranger, yes General health: Great

FAMILY OF ORIGIN Mother’s name: Paavani Parvi Mother’s age: Deceased at thirty five Mother’s living status: Deceased Father’s name: Vikram ‘Vik’ Parvi Father’s age: fourty nine Father’s living status: Alive Describe relationship with parents: Was caring, positive, loving but tentative with mother, Any other caretakers?: Avan Sharma (maternal Grandfather), Kelsey Beckenheim Siblings: Silvia Mahi Parvi Describe their ancestral history: Punjabi Indian, Indo-Canadian, Canadian-English

EMOTIONAL CHARACTERISTICS Describe their sense of morals: Lawful Good How do they act in public?: Stiff but friendly How do they act privately?: Relaxed and goofy How do they react in a crisis?: Lean into impulsivity, uncertainty, anxiety, finds it hard to control emotions, especially anger How do they view life?: Simply How do they view death?: Not fully considered What motivates them?: Family, nature, happiness What makes them happy?: Family, food, nature, exercise What makes them sad?: Uncertainty, other people’s sadness, conflict What makes them angry?: Carelessness, Jamie Smith/Rivers What humiliates them?: Lacking confidence to stand up for himself, others

RELATIONS WITH OTHERS Who are their close friends?: Jackson Koh  (Jay), Abbie Tomlinson (f, park ranger), Shannon Tremblay (m, park ranger), Marcus “Levers” Levesque (m, park ranger) Sexuality: Heterosexual First love: Jamie Smith/Rivers Current love: n/a

MENTAL ATTITUDES Any psychological issues?: Anxiety, managing anger Intelligence level: Not academic Self-confidence level: Low self confidence Optimist or pessimist?: Optimist Emotional or logical?: Emotional Dominant or submissive?: Submissive Patient or impatient?: Impatient when stressed, mostly patient Compassionate or self-involved?: Compassionate Greatest fear: Losing his family, especially biological sister Silvia What is their greatest strength?: Simple, caring nature What is their greatest weakness?: Lacking self confidence, people pleaser Biggest accomplishment?: Managing the park and its employees Biggest regret?: Jamie Smith/Rivers

[scots-dragon]

The Big Fucking D&D 4E Rant

Or, ‘That Time Wizards of the Coast Fucked Up D&D’s Lore’ 

At the risk of raising the spectre of edition war again, I feel like it’s worth going back and exploring that time that Wizards of the Coast fucked over basically all of their lore to chase a trend that wasn’t there. Admittedly this comes with the (begrudged) acknowledgement that quite a bit of of this is likely to be out of date now that fifth edition has been out for a good several years now, but that edition has its own problems and while I’m not really going to touch upon it now, my problems with it are many and numerous.

It should be noted from the outset that this is going to talk about fourth edition in a negative and critical context, but I’m not going to be talking about the rules of the actual game as a game. This is entirely centred on story, worldbuilding and lore, and how those were handled in fourth edition as compared to what came before. That being said, if you like fourth edition, and especially if you like its lore, I would not suggest reading further.

I’m going to go far beyond being critical in this; I’m going to get outright mean.

A shout out must go to Susanna McKenzie (@cydonian-mystery) for input and feedback on this.

I suppose the most important place to start is, in many ways, the beginning, by which I mean my own introduction to Dungeons & Dragons. Mostly because it’s directly linked to the main reasons why I consider the lore to have been ruined, but before I even start off with that, I’m going to have to tell you where the lore was before I can really adequately explain its downfall.

In Realms Forgotten...

Like many people of my generation, I got into Dungeons & Dragons first through the computer based role-playing games. Specifically I started off with various titles by Black Isle and BioWare in the late-90s and early-00s, with stand-outs including Baldur’s Gate, Icewind Dale, Neverwinter Nights, and their sequels. What all of these had in common beyond being Dungeons & Dragons adaptations is the fact that they took place in the Forgotten Realms, one of the more famous settings thereof, and the lore of that world intrigued me far more than the rules alone.

This might not sound like much, of course, to a newer fan for whom the Forgotten Realms, and its central setting of Faerûn, likely feels just like that generic world that D&D just happens to take place in nowadays. But back in the day, it was far more than that.

At the time I was getting into it, local libraries and bookstores carried bestselling novels set in the worlds in question, so I could pick up a novel based around various characters who appeared in the games, like the drow ranger Drizzt Do’Urden or the powerful wizard Elminster. There was also this huge encyclopedic book of geography and deities and the history of the world, with a big fold-out map which is still stuck up on my bedroom wall even after moving house three times. It was perfect fodder for my young nerdy fangirl self to develop full-on special interests in this stuff.

And the level of detail and lore and nuance in the world and its peoples was immense, with even the tiny and obscure bits of the setting earning massive amounts of unique lore. The result was a world that felt like it was alive, vibrant, and lived-in. Like real people could live there, with colourful heroes and villains to encounter.

This, I think, was the unwitting downfall of the Forgotten Realms, but I’m getting ahead of myself because this is really only step one, and Realms are really only one part of it. There are in total three of them, and I’ll be going through the baselines of each of them before we move on.

Out to Planescape

If you’ve read through the core books for fifth edition, there’s a chance you already have some degree of knowledge of Planescape and what it is. Or more precisely you know about the core structure of the Dungeons & Dragons multiverse; the Great Wheel. A series of elemental inner planes and transitive planes, with a ring of sixteen aligned outer planes representing various combinations derived from the axes of law versus chaos, and good versus evil, centred around a neutrally-aligned central plane.

At the centre of this central plane is an infinitely tall spire, atop which lies the famous torus-shaped city of Sigil, the city at the centre of the multiverse. There are a few more bits to it than that, and there are actually differences between how it once was and how it now is. For instance back in the day, there was no such thing as the Feywild or Shadowfell, and neither one was present in the original structure as laid out in 1987’s Manual of the Planes for AD&D.

Once again, to say that this is barely scratching the surface of the planar cosmology and its general meaning to Dungeons & Dragons lore would be a gross understatement. It wasn’t long after the publication of the above book that there was a new campaign setting created called Planescape, which would centre entirely upon this cosmology and build it into the lore. This is where the city of Sigil was introduced, a place of weird concordance where demons, angels, and creatures far, far stranger than either rubbed shoulders in the street, and only the watchful eye of the mysterious and powerful Lady of Pain kept things from erupting into all-out war.

It was a world of disputes, where a myriad of factions representing various philosophical concepts went toe-to-toe with one another. All wrapped up in a tone not unlike a strange mix of China Miéville and Charles Dickens, with the local dialect and thieves cant giving a unique flavour that no major campaign world outside of Planescape can really manage.

Perhaps the most famous and lasting contribution that this setting has was the tieflings, aasimar, and genasi, referred to collectively as the planetouched. These were born from a mix of planar interaction with human bloodlines, in particular through the very old fashioned way that any hybrid is created, which is perhaps why tieflings were the more common. They carried the blood of fiends, and most commonly demons by way of ancestors who reproduced with succubi and incubi, though no two tieflings looked especially alike, with variable and strange features.

I’ll be getting back to these later, but suffice it to say that Planescape was an interesting outlier setting, far stranger and more creative than almost anything else in anyone’s catalogue. And it forms the second part of our list of ruined lore.

And back down to Greyhawk

There’s a very good chance that your knowledge of Greyhawk is pretty limited, because while one could make good arguments for the above only just being ruined when fourth edition came around, there’s a lot to be said about how Greyhawk’s been the forgotten cousin for a while now, though to the credit of the current staff at Wizards of the Coast, they did just release a full-on Greyhawk adventure with Ghosts of Saltmarsh.

Introduced in the late seventies and early eighties, the World of Greyhawk, taking place on the fictional planet of Oerth and in particular on the subcontinent of the Flanaess, was the personally created campaign setting of Gary Gygax himself. While not as detailed as the Forgotten Realms, nor as interestingly out-there as Planescape, it is nonetheless a pretty cool world overall with a fun pulpy atmosphere that gives it its own sense of weight and nuance.

However, after Gary Gygax left TSR back in the 1980s, some later creators took it upon themselves to more or less mock his legacy overall. Nonetheless it remains a popular location for fans and creators, and towards the late third edition there was a lot of good work done in reviving it, such as with a series of adventure paths published in Dungeon Magazine in the form of Shackled City, Age of Worms, and Savage Tide, and following that a big adventure module in the form of Expedition to the Ruins of Greyhawk.

Since it’s the most basic element, let’s start with how they treated Greyhawk...

Strip-Mining the Free City

To say that Wizards of the Coast ruined Greyhawk would actually be inaccurate because, to a degree, they didn’t actually use Greyhawk. At least, not fully.

What they did instead was create a ‘new’ campaign setting, sometimes called the Nentir Vale, that used a few scavenged and cherry-picked Greyhawk deities and also a whole selection of adventures and locations previously specific to Greyhawk. Notable examples of such on the larger worldmap seen in the boardgame Conquest of Nerath included the Tomb of Horrors, the Vault of the Drow, and the Temple of Elemental Evil.

The resulting setting wasn’t Greyhawk, but had enough pieces that it felt like an insult to it. Often having those elements be modified in such a way that they felt like mockeries rather than the original concepts. A big part of why that felt like mockery is of course that Nentir Vale, or the Points of Light setting as it was sometimes referred to as, didn’t really exist as its own fully-fledged world. There wasn’t really a campaign setting book, or much detail on anything outside of a few small locations.

This is a relatively small part of what Dungeons & Dragons 4th edition did wrong, but it’s a small taste of what’s to come. However as seen with the Greyhawk conversion guidelines for many adventures, and even the release of the recent Ghosts of Saltmarsh, Greyhawk itself seems to have survived while the Nentir Vale remains almost entirely forgotten except for mentions of the Dawn War pantheon on one page of the Dungeon Master’s Guide.

It seems like Wizards of the Coast realised it was a bad idea.

‘The Great Wheel is Dead!’

As we go back out to Planescape, we notice that — much like Greyhawk — it also isn’t there, as the entire cosmology and its thematic importance has been replaced with something so radically different that it’s practically a complete replacement. Just about the only part of Planescape that was kept was Sigil itself, but as shown repeatedly in the fourth edition version of Manual of the Planes, they obviously didn’t understand either Sigil or the Great Wheel in any real way.

I’m not going to talk about the World Axis much in direct terms, but instead more the mindset that was taken with regards to Planescape’s Great Wheel. Now this requires something of a diversion into an old pre-fourth edition preview document, and how it handled the Great Wheel and old materials.

The Great Wheel is dead.

One of my mantras throughout the design of 4th Edition has been, “Down with needless symmetry!” The cosmology that has defined the planes of the D&D multiverse for thirty years is a good example of symmetry that ultimately creates more problems than it solves. Not only is there a plane for every alignment, there’s a plane between each alignment — seventeen Outer Planes that are supposed to reflect the characteristics of fine shades of alignment. There’s not only a plane for each of the four classic elements, there’s a Positive Energy Plane, a Negative Energy Plane, and a plane where each other plane meets — an unfortunate circumstance that has resulted in creatures such as ooze mephits.

The planes were there, so we had to invent creatures to fill them. Worse than the needless symmetry of it all, though, is the fact that many of those planes are virtually impossible to adventure in. Traversing a plane that’s supposed to be an infinite three-dimensional space completely filled with elemental fire takes a lot of magical protection and fundamentally just doesn’t sound fun. How do you reconcile that with the idea of the City of Brass, legendary home of the efreet? Why is there air in that city?

So our goals in defining a new cosmology were pretty straightforward.

• Don’t bow to needless symmetry!

• Make the planes fun for adventure!

The ‘impossible to adventure in’ mindset towards the Great Wheel is entirely bullshit, which I think is best highlighted in the passage on the City of Brass. How can a plane of pure unchanging fire without variation also have a city-state? Maybe, just maybe, it wasn’t without variation and they’re making shit up to justify their own nonsense. 

The arrogance here is nothing short of infuriating. It typifies everything about the approach that Wizards of the Coast was taking towards Dungeons & Dragons at the time, and can only really be described as destructive.

There was nothing but an arrogance and often gleeful disdain for previous editions. Along with declarations of how it was so much better now, with the old version being bad for some reason despite that version having generated a huge fanbase, and a critically beloved computer role-playing game in the form of Planescape: Torment. And as with Greyhawk, they’ve done what they can to reverse that. The only elements of the new cosmology that remain are the Elemental Chaos as an in-between for the Elemental Planes, the Feywild, and the Shadowfell.

Wizards of the Coast once again seemed to realise where they were going wrong, and this is basically a recurring element of fifth edition. 

Unfortunately, the World Axis and Nentir Vale aren’t really where the majority of my frustrations lie.

The Shattered Realms

To summarise the degree to which they basically destroyed the Forgotten Realms is going to take a while, simply because they were thorough. And it’s this that ultimately puts me into a position where I’m always going to be negatively predisposed towards Wizards of the Coast and their handling of Dungeons & Dragons.

As a bitof a preamble, fourth edition brought with it several substantial changes to the way a lot of the ruleset worked. And not just on a mechanical level, but on a lore level as it related to certain in-universe elements.. Basic concepts about magic and how it worked were altered at the baseline level, and in order to explain these differences it was decided by the higher-ups at Wizards of the Coast to implement a big huge event to explain the edition differences. This was something they called the Spellplague.

This is not the first time they’ve done that; they previously had the Time of Troubles, which worked to explain the relatively minor differences in magic between the first and second edition versions of Advanced Dungeons & Dragons, killed off or replaced a few gods, and ultimately shook things up a little bit. This was not really met with widespread acclaim at the time, and many complained about it but ultimately it’s a series of events which were later picked up by BioWare for Baldur’s Gate so it’s hard to really complain too harshly.

And indeed, they did it again with the change-over from fourth edition to fifth edition, with the Second Sundering bringing radical changes that all coincidentally left things looking like the pre-fourth edition version of the Forgotten Realms. Like with Planescape and Greyhawk, Wizards of the Coast knew they’d fucked up. But unlike with those, there were more than a few scars that haven’t really been all that fixable.

And to show you what I mean, I suppose we can start with the map, as that’s one of the clearest indications, when put in comparison, as to just how much was changed.

If you scroll back up and compare with the original map, you can kind of see just how much they absolutely fucked the Forgotten Realms.

The basic idea behind the Spellplague was that the goddess Mystra was murdered, and in her death throes the entirety of magic went haywire. Blue fire erupted across the world, and left entire nations and segments of the landscape scarred and destroyed. Often, conveniently, hitting worst those places that would traditionally, in-setting, be inhabited for the most part by various peoples of colour. Going into exhaustive detail would be extremely difficult, but keep in mind that the most heavily-devastated looking locations tend to be those that are inhabited by non-white people.

At least one of the nations destroyed, Halruaa, was actually the homeland of a long-running half-elf wizard character of mine at the time. 

Most major magic-user characters suffered extreme maladies to their spellcasting, either killing them off or rendering them powerless.

In a series of unrelated but contemporary events, the entire elven and dwarven pantheons were radically altered. Most elven deities who weren’t Corellon Larethian were revealed to be aspects of non-elven deities, and around half of the elves themselves wound up being renamed to ‘eladrin’ to match the bullshit new elf subrace from the fourth edition books.

The drow pantheon was similarly culled until only Lolth remained, and as part of that they slew the goddess of good drow, Eilistraee. What happened to her followers is probably a good example of how there was a good deal of racism involved. Basically, the drow who followed her were ‘cleansed of the taint’ that had turned them into drow to begin with.

Including lightening their skin.

This is an event that Wizards of the Coast hasn’t really broadcast much after their reintroduction of Eilistraee, and it’s really not hard to see why they’ve minimised it.

The human gods didn’t fare much better. The entire Mulhorandi Pantheon was removed, because apparently having real-world Egyptian mythological gods around was a little too much for them. They also did the same with Tyr, who was originally from Norse mythology, though left Silvanus, Oghma, and Mielikki. Possibly because barely anyone pays attention to Celtic pantheon deities, and the latter Finnish deity was the patron goddess of a specifically popular character from the novels.

And between destroying half of the map, eliminating half of the pantheon full of various fan favourite gods, and killing off a lot of major magic-user characters, you’d think that would be considered a bad enough result.

But then there’s the timeskip.

Wizards of the Coast advanced the timeline by approximately one hundred and five years, therefore killing off literally every major human character who didn’t have some kind of magical way of extending their lifespan. And in addition to the effects of the Spellplague, brought in a variety of huge geopolitical changes that replaced major governments and kingdoms with new and nearly-unrecognisable versions that might have shared a name.

I’m not going to go into much more detail on various other changes, but keep in mind that this is only barely scratching the surface. There wasn’t a single region of the Forgotten Realms left unaltered or unmarred by this event, and it ultimately can’t be seen as anything other than an act of vandalism. It’s not even getting into the fact that, for instance, entire sections of the landscape of Toril were replaced by segments of another world entirely so they could justify the introduction of dragonborn as a core race.

Which is incidentally why I dislike the dragonborn.

The events of the fifth edition changeover worked to mitigate a lot of this, but the sheer extent of damage done is so much that the modern Forgotten Realms is still only a pale echo of its former self. All because they wanted to chase the audience of fucking World of Warcraft of all things.

Seriously, fuck Wizards of the Coast.

[chaniters]

Fic villains.

One thing I like a LOT about making fics is creating my own supervillains for the heroes to fight. It's like having action figures all over! Right now I’m trying to work in better backstories for my next villains. 

Also, hoping to improve my character creation skills...

I still have trouble processing the fact that @kruk-art decided to draw some of them! 😻😻

Here's the rooster that I've come up with for my fics so far:

Original villains

1.- Darkfist: Role: Thief//Mercenary//enforcer. Motivation: Money Commits superpowered robberies, mostly banks. Does tend to go alone most of the time, but can be part of a team if paid to act as an enforcer. Doesn't care much for what side he's in as long as he gets paid. Works for the best bidder (usually Hollow Ground). Isn't a killer if he's the one calling the shots, but will kill if hired to do so.  He's fiercely loyal to his loved ones and always keeps them out of his masked life.   He took the hero drugs as a means of escape from a life of poverty. He initially tried to become a local hero but grew disillusioned. Usually burns all the money he gets pretty fast in huge parties, men, women, whatever. He has few friends and a goes on and off into short but very intense relationships. He generally tries to end them in good terms, has commitment issues.    Appearance: Korean parents, deceased. Shorter than one would expect due to his reputation. Short hair. Well-formed muscles, and very agile. Powers, abilities: Intense martial arts training. Can teleport short distances at will leaving a cloud of dark smoke. Teleportation charges him with dark energy of unknown origin that he must discharge through his fists else risking it detonating on him.  It's his signature move, and he uses it to instantly hit his target without giving them a chance to dodge. Dark energy is devastating. Specialty: Beating other superheroes is what he does best. He beat most of the rangers including Sidestep back in the day (he could only dodge him twice before getting pummeled). His streak ended when he faced Anathema, and he lost BADLY, and almost didn't make it alive. Ending: Fights against Herald during an attack on the Ranger's HQ. Herald lures him into teleporting to attack him while going through a window, causing him to fall to his (presumed) death.

2.- Pathos:   Role: Assasin. Motivation: Obsession with killing. Obsession with beating Sidestep. He was one of the instructors at the farm, training Psychics there. He trained Psychic and was sort of a vague "Father figure". He retired shortly after. He was blackmailed by the farm forcing him to return and help fix Sidestep once he was recaptured Sidestep (suicide scar) puppeteered him into trying to choke him to death, though the guards stopped him. That left an obsession with killing that lingered in his mind, growing stronger as time passed. Eventually, he couldn't help it anymore and started committing random murders. Once he realized he couldn't stop, he assumed a supervillain persona and began working as an assassin for the corporates of Los Diablos and beyond. He has a wife and two daughters that know nothing about his villain escapades, they just believe he keeps working in secret projects Appearance: Caucasian male in his late 50's. Black body-suit. Moustache and beard. Weapon: Metal cane he carries around while walking. It has a retractable blade. Powers, abilities:  Psychic. Not nearly as powerful as Sidestep, especially post HB sidestep. Still, more experienced than him. Mastery of illusions. Is never where he appears to be. Moderate Martial arts training powered by powerful psychic combat. Specialty: Beating Sidestep. He can break his barriers and basically walk over him since he thaught him ALL his tricks. Murdering people without them being able to stop him. Ending: Shot in the head by Lady Argent while trying to kill her detective fling aboard FarmaCore's ship.

3.- Catastrofiend Demons: Role: Minion/enforcer Controlled mutation: A special kind of superhero drug developed by the Catastrofiend, that doesn't provide random powers nor has a chance to kill. The drug turns normal humans into powerful hulking creatures that can walk both in 2 or 4 legs with ease. Claws and sharp teeth that can produce mild injury even to some "invulnerable" superheroes. Greatly enhanced senses, agility, and strength. Bestial, loss of sentience. Rarely ever speak after their transformation.  Appearances: Sidestep's nightmares of escaping the Catastrofiend. Brought back in numbers by Farmacore. Specialty: Minions, an army of doom. Obedient. Possible link to extra-dimensional entity unconfirmed. Ending: (All?) of them destroyed on board FarmaCore's Large cargo ship as it burnt, exploded and then sunk into the Pacific.

4.- Dark Energy Man// Jake Black: Role: Vengeful human//Posessed human//emissary of evil extradimensional entity Possessed by the same extra-dimensional entity than the Catastrofiend. FarmaCore and it's associated doomsday cult had attempted for years to reproduce the conditions that led to the initial gate's opening after the Catastrofiend was killed. An unloyal employee sold some of the special hero-drugs they were experimenting on and sold them to Jake Black. Black had lost his partner to the Cartel's drugs and wanted to take on them. His idea to take the hero-drug was partially a suicide attempt, but it worked and gave him powers. He believes he had the power to disintegrate objects and people by creating dark holes in reality. Unbeknown to him, these were just the portals FarmaCore was attempting to create, and he became possessed as something came through and entered his body. Unlike the original catastrofiend, the entity thought his personality useless and simply devoured it, joining the rest of the cultists at Farmacore as their new savior while trying to open the portal.  Powers, Abilities: Creating portals to a dark, outer dimension populated by shadow nightmares that eat human flesh. Tossing portals at enemies.  Creating dark energy shields around himself. Specialty: Creating a portal big enough to summon the Demigod of the dark realm with the aid of FarmaCore's tech and cultists. Ending: Killed by Ortega using the Demigod's own energy against him.

5.- Eldritch:   Role: Mutated human//Alien-like savage entity// Sentient non-human entity. Consuming the hero drugs without truly understanding the consequences, Olivia underwent a transformation, changing both physically and mentally.

She quickly transformed into a non-human creature and lost quickly lost the ability to tell right from wrong being overcome by primal instincts. Her primary concern turned to survival at any cost. 

Appearance: Permanently mutating form and shape. Hulking monster, large aquatic snake creature, giant behemoth trashing buildings, smaller alien-like humanoid, regular human (copying a human's form). Powers: Mutates into different organisms at will. Gain or lose limbs, creating bioweapons within her own body. Creating other lesser organisms as her minions. Requires rich biomass to sustain itself. Specialty: Terrorizing the city sewers. Terrorizing the city Godzilla style. Growing armies of mutated monsters. Escaping Geni-tech hunters Ending: Escaped into the sea with the aid of Sidestep who restores her sanity.  Holds a grudge against Geni-Tech.

6.- Aegis:     Role: Super-powered hunter. "Reformed" Supervillain  (former name Darknight) A powerful supervillain known ad Darknight, she managed to gain corporate support in exchange for favors and gained the Governor's pardon for her past life's crimes. She acts as a bounty-hunter for powered villains and creatures that corporation need for their experiments. With her newfound wealth, she enjoys numerous contacts, her own battalion of corporate soldiers and many high tech devices. She is attracted to both men and women and has Genitech's CEO dancing around her finger.   Appearance: Hulking tall and muscular woman with dark hair and Nordic features and impressive muscles. She towers over most of her enemies. Unlike most Enhanced, she has access to drugs and painkillers that very far beyond what everyone else gets. She rarely feels any pain from her enhancements. Powers: Boosted: Can create forcefields of green energy around herself for protection, or detonate when in contact with enemies for offense, causing massive damage. Her reasons for becoming Boosted in the first place are unknown.  Enhanced: Enhanced arms, legs, and spine. She is extremely strong and agile. Her mods can turn into a turbo mod granting her brief periods of blinding speed, which she uses to collide with enemies and detonate her shield at max speeds.    Weapon: Articulated electrical whip. Can be used to choke or electrify opponents, along with cutting through most materials. Ending: After defeating both Sidestep and Anathema, she was tricked by Eldritch, who deceived her by taking Sidestep's appearance, and killed her.

Drawn by @kruk-art here https://kruk-art.tumblr.com/post/182091310695/i-had-the-pleasure-to-draw-sidestep-belong

7. The Crumpler Role: Megalomaniac//Thief//Moustache-Twirling villain.  An unsuccessful salesman suffering a severe inferiority complex, the Crumpler took the drug seeking a way out of a life he disliked. Gaining psychokinesis powers in the form of contracting energy shields, he left a trail of corpses in his path committing robberies and other crimes. Appearance: Long mustache, thin, tall. His outfit seems a bit too big for him usually. Obsessed with looking good for the media and keeping up his 70's villain persona. Bad puns galore. Gimmicks, like leaving crumpled notes about his next robbery at crime scenes.  Powers: Creating red energy fields that he can then contract to a tenth of their initial size, "crumpling" whatever or whoever is inside.  Ending: Defeated the Rangers during Los Diablos's charity ball. Was stopped by Villain MC who handed him over to the freed rangers.       

Drawn by @kruk-art here https://kruk-art.tumblr.com/post/182200055365/some-villains-from-fallen-hero-in-cartoon-style

8.- CEO Richard Elisson:                     Ceo of FarmaCore (company mentioned by Senpai Malin at some point, I don't remember when). He is a cult leader, ally and former lover of the Catastrofiend until her death. ��                   He knows the entity can be summoned again and attempts to do so by heavily investing in quantum theory and dimensional research. FarmaCore's research fails for a long time until the Dark Energy Man is created, providing him with the solution.                     With the Dark Energy man possessed by the same entity that joined with the Catastrofiend, the two attempt to summon their extra-dimensional overlord into the physical realm.                     Ending: Summoning his master's power through the portal, he attempts to destroy Argent, but Ortega stands in the way absorbing the electrical blast. Ultimately his body cannot handle the energies and he burns to death.

9.- CandyMaster Convicted criminal mobster. Agreed to be experimented upon by corporations to reduce his sentence.

Experiments intended to create a controlled resistance and regeneration to facilitate hero-drug survival rate. The end result caused most of his tissue to be replaced by a crystalline sugar-like substance. He gained excellent control over the growth of these crystals, which can become both sharp and resistant, tough brittle. 

He was a mobster and sociopath before his transformation and went on an overdrive after it. His brain chemistry was affected as well and he became a complete psychopath and hedonist living only for his own enjoyment generally at the expense of others. 

Generally underestimated due to the “Candy” theme he chose for his outfit, he is immensely powerful, able to cause enormous damage, and exerting great control over his ability. 

In combat, he can create sharp candy spikes of any size in any direction, coming from him, or appearing from thin air.  He generally regenerates if his crystalline body is damaged, though it is unknown how much damage can he survive to sustain before death.  

Drawn by @kruk-art here https://kruk-art.tumblr.com/post/181935145790/sooo-those-who-had-read-latest-chaniters-fics

Weaknesses: Very weak against acid. Anathema is his perfect match.  

Ending: Presumed dead when cracked to pieces by Charge. His pieces were not recovered.  

10. HIVE

A group of semi-sentient robots. They were created to be autonomous, using bee-brains interfacing with computers to achieve higher intelligence. Invariably, they turned on their creators, forming hives and serving anything they identify as their queen (Usually the assembly plants building more of them). They are not directly evil, but are hostile to anyone interfering with their affairs, and can be manipulated if someone manages to be perceived as their new queen. 

They have superior strength, some of them can fly, and they can use weapons. They work tirelessly to achieve their goals. They typically use trenchcoats to pass as humans but can be identified once people see their yellow glowing eyes. They are very strong. 

11.- Jupiter

Former Nemesis of Marshall Hood. He was a boost with the ability to generate lightning. 

He enjoyed picking on Hood’s more inexperienced Sidekicks, especially Ortega. Ortega has a special rivalry with him, due to the constant humiliation as his boosts were basically an inferior version of Jupiter’s.

With time, his powers increased exponentially and he was forced to retire and live isolated since he could not control the constant electrical discharges around him, and would cause destruction wherever he went. 

Staying off the grid for 6 years since his last appearance, the villain Vitruvian tracked him down and offered him a powerful techno-suit that could absorb and channel the energy into coherent lightning bolts, using Jupiter as a power source for all of the suit's functions. 

Ending: Drowned at the bottom of the sea after fighting Sidestep, Elyise, Steel and Charge on board a cargo ship. 

__________________

Headcanon Villains (Malin created them, I just made up who or what they are)

12.- Dr. Mortum in his villain suit. I headcanon his suit being mostly robotic, hulking, and with several spider legs added to it. Beam weapons, disintegration ray, missiles, a powerful force-field, and many many other hidden gadgets. When he uses it, he is imposing and greater than life, making Eden (the puppet) blush and swoon like a little schoolgirl groupie. I also headcanon the puppet having an irresistible kink for strong imposing super-powered bad boys and girls in Los Diablos, so when Mortum uses this his individuality goes UP very fast.   Ending: Alive and well. I'd never kill the doctor... I'm just hoping Malin never makes me choose between him or Ortega. Because as I said, I'd never kill the Doctor.  

13.- Hollow Ground I headcanon him having immensely powerful geokinesis, along with several powers gained using the Puppet's (before he was in a coma) abilities to ensure his survival taking the hero-drug several times. Limited invulnerability. Regeneration. Strength. Speed. Very slow aging. Kinetic blasts. (Ok he's op) My headcanon is HG being the Puppets former romantic partner, and it ending VERY sourly.

Ending: Heavily injured by Lady Argent, then thrown by Herald into a pit of lava. (Sry cliche I know.)

14.- Catastrofiend: Ok I made a background for Catastrofiend, that no longer matched after *spoilers*. But here it is.  Name Catherine Fields (Cat Fie... CatastroFiend see what I did there? ... don't kill me pls!!!), she is the head scientist on one of the companies that would later be acquired by FarmaCore. An experiment went wrong, a portal to the dark realm is created and she is possessed by an evil interdimensional entity. The two personalities fuse, creating the Catastrofiend, a cult-leader, powered terrorist,  ally and lover of CEO Richard Elisson, as they seek a way to open a portal for her master to enter the physical world.

14.1 Real catastrofiend: A version of the Catastrofiend revealed in the beta of Retribution. 

15. Vitruvian (Headcanon) /Elyse.

I created a version of this villain (Mortum’s old partner) in two parts. First, I made Elyse, Sidestep’s new telekinetic, slightly telepathic friend. She gains his trust, he teaches her some telepathic tricks... And she uses him to drive the Rangers into her plans. She always seems innocent, but she always performs some unnecessary or odd action that’s easy to miss and those are the moments where she’s enacting her plan. Unknown to them, she is the sinister Vitruvian who seeks to gain access to nano-vore technology to multiply an army of evil robots and take over the city. As Vitruvian she achieves control of the nanites to create buildings and construction domes in minutes, where HIVE droids are created endlessly to take over Los Diablos. 

16. The Void (Headcanon) Awan Cormac’s Handler, turned into a villain. He is a modded sharpshooter, with perfect aim mods and great martial arts skill. He uses an adaptive rifle with energy frequencies that adapt to the target’s resistances.

17. Medea: While a hero in my Cyrus’ fics, she’s a villain in Awan’s world, with reality-altering powers. Awan defeated her in their first battle, but she escaped and is at large. She’s also in a relationship with Lord Ember. 

18. Lord Ember. Another villain only mentioned. I headcanon him with the ability to send a pure stream of hyper-heated fire in a cone ahead of himself, incinerating everything to a crisp within seconds. He’s in a relationship with Medea in that world.  Drawn by @kruk-art here https://kruk-art.tumblr.com/post/182200055365/some-villains-from-fallen-hero-in-cartoon-style

19. Cybra, Cellex, and Cestus: Cyrus’s old team from the farm, forming an evil council to lead his rebellion and free all regenes from human oppression. Cybra can control all electronic devices in a huge radius and can modify her body similarly to Argent. Cellex has hyper acute reflexes and speed. Cestus is both strong and bullet-proof.  

20 Dr. Terror, Dr. Grim, Dr. Blitz: Evil masterminds from the farm, turned sentai Villains

21 Regina/Regis. A sentai-villain version of Regina, leading the apocalypse force and attempting to destroy the rangers. Drawn by @kruk-art https://kruk-art.tumblr.com/post/184877636730/regina-design-for-chaniters-super-sentai

22 Upcoming villain with a reverse process here, this one’s based on a sketch by Kruk

____________________________

My Fanfics: https://chaniters.tumblr.com/post/181692759294/my-fanfiction-for-fallen-hero

DISCLAIMER: This is a work of fan fiction using characters and the setting of the Fallen Hero: Rebirth and upcoming Fallen Hero: Retribution games written by Malin Riden. I do not claim ownership of any characters from the Fallen Hero wold. These stories are a work of my imagination, and I do not ascribe them to the official story canon. These works are intended for entertainment outside the official storyline owned by the author. I am not profiting financially from the creation of these stories, and thank the author for her wonderful game/s, without which these works would not exist.

[dorseygordon68-blog]

Power Rangers Zeo (Heather Ray).

The other night I sat with my family members around the table reminiscing and also telling old stories. We worked with our golf swing with equipment that measured our power in watts, and also took advantage of the complete line of Kinesis makers (their unique resistance cables allow for better series of activity). Power is depicted here as a shaping pressure, capable of generating its very own authenticity - whether it be possessed by mine proprietors, absentee companies, local elites, or even union bosses. The functional power cleaner provides a performance of a commercial equipment that utilizes 3.0 kilowatts induction motor with its 3 axial-piston brass pumps that helps generates an astonishing 2300 PSI stress power blasting 10 liters per minute water circulation. Microsoft billionaire Expense Gates has actually stated there is a 10% chance kite power can be the magic remedy" for international renewable energy demands. Additionally it has some filler which is unusual since this flick is hardly 80 mins which most likely offers you a respectable concept of how little possible the story has in this flick to be any kind of good. The fundamental structure was integrated in a workshop outside the city and then lifted right into the Colosseum by a giant crane. In http://verde-dieta.info/prolesan-pure-recenzii-pret-cum-functioneaza-recenzii-unde-sa-cumparati/ acquired rival chain LA Health and fitness as well as struck up a collaboration with Olympian Sir Chris Hoy, that is a special adviser as well as brand ambassador" to Pure Health club. Stories of the trip over and how thrilled he was to discover everything on the big ship (a seafarer, making the most of his inquisitiveness, convinced him to lift some papers pushing deck, to see what was below ...). Stories of working as a journeyman footwear technician in cities and communities across upstate New york city as well as Ohio (in one store, the foreman placed my grandfather and his turret in the front window so passers-by would quit to view exactly how quick as well as well he did his job). On the one hand, it consists of passages that John S. Wright could have written, as when it emphatically mentions, Chicago is currently facing the momentous truth that fifty years for this reason, when the children of to-day are at the elevation of their power as well as influence, this city will be bigger than London: that is, bigger than any existing city." On the various other hand, it declines the concept that the city's success can or should be assessed in terms of numbers alone, or that the future would certainly care for itself. Starting with our original list of about 51 health clubs (assembled from our round-up of the very best gyms of 2013, publicly available statistics, as well as other expert lists), we asked you to elect your favorites - likewise enabling write-in ballots to make up any type of health clubs that weren't pointed out on the initial listing. As soon as and also they don't have to all be on the same team either, you do not have to strike a fitness center alone; multiple individuals can attack a fitness center at. EPA established that the combination of utilizing of smokestack controls as well as contamination credit histories from shifting generation amongst plants makes up a well-demonstrated system of discharge reduction, one that is commonly utilized by the power industry both to meet inner targets and also prior government and also state guidelines. Freely based upon real occasions, Funny of Power had its North American launching at the 2006 Tribeca Film Festival. The platform lift can be found in a huge range of different models, each one with various attributes that make it far better fit for a details sort of job. Les plates-formes Power Plate ® constituent une parfaite alternate put les personnes actives qui n'ont pas beaucoup de temps à consacrer à un entraînement trois fois the same level semaine, voire plus. Control is a crucial element of the lift system and because of this they commonly provide power assisted drive. Some health clubs only enable teens to workout in the assigned youth facility area, while other gyms permit teens the exact same freedom to make use of the equipment as the adults. The originator of this franchise business identified that there was a huge market for a gym such as Curves and undoubtedly has taken advantage of a found diamond. You might be missing out if you are guilty of wrapping up your health club session as well as avoiding out on a cool down or stretch. Keltner's research suggests that women are not immune from this mystery, which claims that the very qualities that help us look for power-like beauty, compassion, or humbleness -are the ones that having power could harm. The power in an organization lies with supervisors and managers who have actually been enabled within the business framework, to make sure that the company could operate effectively. However nonverbally presenting power during the interaction - now that's an additional thing with different prescriptions and also end results. By the end of March, president Peter Roberts believes Pure Gym will have surpassed the 103 total of UK gyms run by Virgin Energetic, the present primary driver. This stair lift has a lifting ability of 300 lb or 136 kg. A flip-up swivel seat that secures placement and also constant stress buttons are various other functions of this straight stair lift. While a lot of exclusive health clubs serve teenagers and grownups, a couple of select health clubs just enable teens. Picked this for ideas to supplement my barbell-based routine, for when I can not get to the health club, and to help my wife with suggestions to do in your home & health club. His afternoon training sessions at the gym have actually permitted more youthful fighters to work along with a master, as well as interested onlookers to see. Teaching your staff members all facets of power device training as well as security could minimize the opportunities of injury and also maintain your workforce effective as well as risk-free. The fitness center consists of weights, cardiovascular tools, security balls, machines and also resistance bands. Mirrors on all walls do not simply mimic the look of many health clubs - they actually make the room look bigger. A new wave of thinking of power exposes that it is offered to us by others as opposed to got. There are few better exercises for targeting full-body power compared to the medicine-ball bang. Most of the gyms need their participants to abide by the laws to be able to go into and utilize the facilities. No, in spite of prominent notions and the common urban legends, Pfeffer competes that the path to power is substantially various than the prominent concepts we were raised to believe. If you see that you are obtaining squeezed in order to spend for your fitness center Sydney subscription then you are bound to pull out after a few days. It is just a partial settlement to know that the paradox also implies that political hopefuls such as Donald Trump - angry, manipulative harasses - are less likely to acquire power to start with. If you are presently not making use of any kind of sort of eco-friendly power and intend to conserve electricity, you could still decrease your costs by disconnecting unutilized home appliances. Greetings Diona", he claimed pleasantly, as he came level with her, making her once more so aware of his figure as he looked down upon her. After years of lack of exercise, Ashley returned as the Yellow Space Ranger to help the Galaxy Rangers battle the Psycho Rangers. Individuals who pledged to stroll were 3 times more likely to show up vs. those just saying they would stroll. From scenting too excellent to filling out a large dimension water bottle when there is a line of people behind you, read on to see if you're guilty of any one of these 16 health club pet dog peeves. The Gym stated the variety of inexpensive health clubs across the country had enhanced to 319 this year from 58 in 2011. That said, the plot brings me to my 2nd problem - one which maintains Absolute Power from being a 5-star book. The health club also contains 450 items of cardio workout tools as well as dumbbells and makers. Yes, you heard me. We're paying triple numbers a month and also struggling atop lunar looking equipment in order to replicate easy youth searches like jumping rope, hula hooping and also playing tag. After the Power Rangers involve her rescue, she goes back to being the principal of Reefside High and is disclosed to have actually been a close personal good friend of Anton Mercer. Raise takes us on an enlightening scenic tour through time, starting with the ancient Greeks, who made a cult of the body-- words gym derives from the Greek word for naked"-- as well as following Roman legions, middle ages knights, Persian pahlevans, as well as eighteenth-century German gymnasts.

[mst3kproject]

108: Project Moon Base

Saying ‘fuck this movie’ doesn’t seem like enough, really.  Please take a moment and picture the full Mormon Tabernacle Choir singing it to the tune of Handel’s Hallelujah Chorus.  That should about do it.  I’m gonna say ‘fuck’ an awful lot in this review, like even more than I usually do. I really hate this movie.

This was a very moon episode.  After a couple of dull and suspenseless episodes of Radar Men from the Moon, we get on to Project Moon Base.  In the far future year of 1970, the Enemies of Freedom are working to destroy the UN’s space program.  To do this, they kidnap a Dr. Wernher and replace him with a lookalike, who is ordered to go to the atomic-armed space station and destroy it in a suicide mission. He’ll have crew-mates on his rocket, though – and Major Moore and space program legend Colonel Briteis aren’t going to let him complete his mission without a fight.

Wow, space spy capers and secret plots!  It sounds so exciting when I write it down!  Too bad this movie is actually so dismally fucking cheap and boring.  The KGB apparently works out of a nicely decorated living room somewhere, and the Spacom offices aren’t much better.  Everything is bare walls, clean tables and desks, and giant clocks on the walls, and none of it resembles a place people actually work in.  The actors all look like they’d really prefer to be anywhere else and recite their lines at a fast clip that suggests they’re just trying to get this ordeal over with. Given the characters they were being asked to play, I feel for them.

And then there’s the stuff that’s just fucking surreal, like the skullcaps or propane-tank-headed spacesuits that wouldn’t have been out of place in an episode of Rocky Jones: Space Ranger. Or the fact that the first ‘suspicious’ thing the fake Dr. Wernher does is support the wrong baseball team.  Or the annoying reporter whose name is Polly Prattles (I guess to imply that she endlessly ‘parrots’ everything she’s told?) and who dresses like a disco ball!

About the only thing that really earns any points is that the effects people made a commendable effort to be realistic.  Stuff like the lunar rocket and the frisbee-shaped space station are intended to look practical rather than future-y, and there’s a discussion of orbital mechanics (though it’s confusing and useless to the plot).  Navigation information refers to bright stars like Fomalhaut and Polaris.  Microgravity is mentioned and there’s even a pretty neat shot where characters walk on the ceilings with magnetic-soled boots!  I’m also impressed that they actually filmed some miniatures for their rocket takeoff scene, instead of using the same stock footage we’ve seen in fifty other films.

That’s only a fraction of the movie, though.  The other ninety-eight percent or so I absolutely despise from the very bottom of whatever twisted black abomination remains of my soul, and the reason why is the fucking characters.

The first characters we meet are the villains, although calling them ‘characters’ seems like a stretch.  I’m not entirely sure who any of these people are or who they’re working for… I’m gonna keep calling them the KGB for lack of a better descriptor.  They’re bland men in bland suits who behave as if destroying the capitalist west is just their day job – the bald bellhop guy may say it’s a twenty-four-hour job, but I bet these guys are out of that hotel room the moment the clock clicks to five pm.  Even the guy posing as Dr. Wernher isn’t very interesting.  Shouldn’t at least one of these people have some kind of motivation besides getting paid to do this?  What happened to revenge, or fanatical loyalty to an ideal, or desperation to protect a family who’ll be killed if you don’t comply?

Weirdly, it’s the fake Dr. Wernher who is the closest thing we’re given to a POV character!  We follow him into the hotel to take over from the real scientist, and them learn about the space program in tandem with him.  If not for the opening crawl I’d be wondering if we’re supposed to root for this guy.

Our so-called ‘heroes’ have some more personality, but those personalities are the furthest thing from likable. First there’s Major Moore, a big sulky baby whose masculinity is threatened by Briteis outranking him.  When he finds out he’s been cut from the mission in her favour he whines, and when he finds out he’s been assigned as her co-pilot he whines more because now he’s got to take orders from her.  At the end when they marry, he is promoted to Brigadier General mostly so that he’ll outrank his wife!

Briteis herself is no better – we see a few sides of her and they’re all terrible.  She pisses and moans about not wanting to interact with Moore, either, and then engages in passive-aggressive dick-measuring contests with him while the two of them are supposed to be flying a spacecraft and saving the free world.  You almost can’t blame him for his jealousy when she takes every possible opportunity to rub things in his face.  When things go wrong she manages to land on the moon, but then becomes a breathless damsel in distress, leaving Moore to make all the decisions… and then when they’re saved, she reverts right back to whining.

(Yes, by the way, the non-MST3K edit does show them actually landing, and no, it's not very exciting.)

The General in charge of these two is an ass, as well.  He basically guilts Moore into accepting an assignment he doesn’t want, and when Briteis protests it as well, he tells her to shut up and then threatens to spank her.  These people are supposed to be members of the military, an organization that is associated with rigid discipline, efficient organization, and a strict chain of command, and yet they display less professionalism than kids at a lemonade stand.  Jesus Christ, how about we just let the bad guys take over the world?  They at least have some fucking dignity.

The moment we discover Briteis is a woman is supposed to be a big surprise, since the characters have carefully avoided any gendered language so far – this seems to hint that we are looking at a future where equality of the sexes has been achieved, but what we see after that quickly disabuses us of the notion.  Not only is Colonel Briteis treated like a misbehaving child in spite of her rank, but we’re told that the only reason women are allowed in the space program is to save weight – though not in the case of Prattles, who is told to her face that she’s too fat to go!

In questioning Briteis about how she pilots the spacecraft, Wernher actually treats her with more respect in her expertise than any other character.  Are we sure we’re not rooting for this guy?

Of course the idea of Moore taking Briteis with him to set up the communications relay instead of Wernher never even comes up, despite the fact that she must be infinitely more qualified and much less likely to try to kill him.  This whole sequence is weirdly mis-used.  We’re expecting Wernher to either try to sabotage things somehow, or for Moore to believe he will do so and a fight to result.  I guess it’s more realistic, seeing as how the survival of both men depends on the relay, that they cooperate successfully – but if that were supposed to be the case, then why does Wernher die in a total accident, falling from a rock and cracking his helmet open?  It doesn’t resolve anything, it’s just a quick and lazy way of getting rid of the character so we can focus on Moore and Briteis and I don’t wanna focus on them.

Wernher’s death also leaves the audience sitting through the last part of the movie without any idea why we’re still watching this.  The villain’s dead, so why isn’t the movie over?  Even if we didn’t hate Moore and Briteis, we’ve actually known Wernher for longer and the movie was set up as if his mission and its defeat were the main storyline.  If he’d been dealt with in a more satisfying manner, either by changing loyalties, or by being killed or recaptured in a way that felt like a victory, it would be easier to move on with the rest of the story.

The final ‘fuck you’ from this movie’s sexual politics is the revelation at the end that the President of the United States is also a woman.  You know what that means?  That means the writers thought they really were showing us a gender-equal future!  They honestly believe that women in positions of power really will freak out and automatically turn to the men for help when things go wrong.  They seriously think that women holding high ranks in the military will be threatened with spankings by their superior officers and that’s completely okay.  And then when you watch the movie again, the scene where Briteis tells the General that the President has ordered Polly Prattles be admitted just looks like a bunch of girls ganging up on a boy they don't like.

Quite a bit of effort went into the effects in Project Moon Base and into its idea of the future (note how they predicted cordless phones!), but it was all wasted on bad actors, shitty sets, and a script that feels like a first draft.  Nothing in the film comes across as properly concluded – not the space mission, not Wernher, and certainly not the love story between Moore and Briteis.  Fuck this movie.  Fuck, fuck, fuck this fucking movie.  Fuck everyone who made it, fuck MST3K for bringing it to my attention, and fuck me for watching it again!  Fuck.

[pikkish-moved]

For Koppai

In which Alph is nervous about the mission on which he is about to embark

It was only 20:34, and Alph could already tell it was going to be a long night.

He sat at his desk, mindlessly doodling sketches of various types of rockets and starships. Though a few rays of twilight filtered in through his bedroom window, the main source of light in the room was his desk lamp. In the corner of his desk sat an empty plate, sticky with the remaining juice of a fruit dinner.

An expensive commodity, in today’s fruit crisis. But Alph was privileged to be the grandson and protege of the greatest starship builder of Koppai- and possibly of the whole known galaxy. He was lucky enough to eat better- not necessarily well, but better- than most of Koppai’s general population.

Besides, as one of the four Koppaiates chosen to go on the Save-Koppai-From-Starvation mission, Alph had been repeatedly told in the last few months that he needed to be eating better to stay in top condition for the mission.

Alph thought it was a little unfair that he was potentially starving other Koppaiates when he was supposed to be saving them, but he figured that it would (hopefully) balance out when he returned home with plenty of fruit.

If he returned home, that is. In fact, that whole idea was the one that he knew was going to be keeping him up all night. Because tomorrow was the day he would be leaving, and he didn’t know if he would be making it back.

So even though he still had a while before he should be in bed, he knew he wasn’t going to be sleeping anytime soon.

The last light had faded from the sky outside when there was a knock at Alph’s bedroom door. At a confirmation from Alph, Grampa Drake proceeded into the room, an excited grin on his face.

Grampa Drake was, without a doubt, of the same blood as Alph. The two shared the same face shape, the same nose, the same wide, excited eyes, and the same shock of bluish hair, albeit Drake’s was graying, and Alph had gotten his hair cut recently. They differed in that Drake had a generally larger frame than Alph, taller and broad-shouldered, and that his skin was darker and wrinkled with age.

“Well, sport?” The older Koppaiate asked his descendant. “Ready for your big day tomorrow?”

At the mention of the topic, Alph just let out a groan, letting his head fall on the desk.

Grampa Drake just let out a small chuckle, setting a hand on Alph’s shoulder. “Nervous?”

“...Uh-huh.”

“Can’t say I blame you! After all, the whole of Koppai is depending on you!”

“Grampa Drake!”

The old man just let out a hearty laugh. After a moment, though, his joking failing to lift his grandson’s spirits, Drake let out a sigh. “You’re going to do just fine, Alph.”

Alph just groaned again. “...You should be going, not me. You’d be better at this!”

That prompted another laugh from Grampa Drake. “Maybe forty or fifty years ago I’d go, but I hardly think I’d be cut out for adventure now!”

“Yeah, but-“ Alph gestured, trying to express in vague hand motions what he could not in words.

“But nothing. You are more than prepared for this, Alph. And my ship needs a good mechanic to keep an eye on her! I can’t think of anyone I’d trust more to do the job.”

That earned a small laugh from Alph, however on edge he might be. For as much as Grampa Drake had been against the exploratory vessel being named after him, he still had put an immense amount of work into the ship, and took a great deal of pride in it. Alph had no doubt that the S. S. Drake was the finest starship his grandfather had built to date.

The small Koppaiate’s mood sobered quickly again, though, and he let out another nervous sigh, looking down at his hands. “But… what if I do something wrong? What if I mess up? And what if…”

Grampa Drake reached down to take up one of Alph’s hands in his own. While Drake’s hands were certainly bigger, they shared with Alph’s the same loose pattern of callouses from years of using the same tools, and the same darkened fingers, stained with grease that would come out only with time, regardless of the amount of soap used, and the same rough, uneven nails, filed down not intentionally, but by hard work.

“That won’t happen, Alph. You’re smart, you’re quick, and you work better than you think you do under pressure. And, on top of that, out of all the thousands of Koppaiates applying for the position, you were chosen for the mission.” Here, a wry smile lit the old Koppaiate’s face. “Which means all my praise isn’t just my grandparental love for you speaking, it’s been officially confirmed by the people overseeing this mission.”

“... Heh. Yeah, I guess so.”

There was a moment of comfortable silence between the grandfather and grandson.

Then Grampa Drake released Alph’s hand and gave Alph a light slap on the back. “Anyhow, sport, you’ve got to get up early tomorrow! You should at least try to get some sleep!”

To this Alph agreed- though he doubted it could be achieved.

✿✿✿

Alph stood at one of the S. S. Drake’s viewports, watching as the greyish marble that was Koppai slowly grew smaller in the distance. The Drake had left the planet only a few hours ago, and already, Alph was missing home intensely.

The send off for the heroes of Koppai had been a surprisingly small affair. Sure, there had been tv cameras and a few news reporters, but the entire thing had been considerably quieter than Alph had expected. Grampa Drake had come to see him off, of course, but none of Alph’s siblings had shown up. Brittany had only her aunt to say goodbye to. And Captain Charlie had come alone.

Unfortunately, the fourth member of the crew had become quite sick in the night, and wouldn’t be joining the expedition to PNF-404. There hadn’t been time, either, to find a replacement.

And before Alph knew it, Grampa Drake had given him one last hug and whispered quietly that he would be with his grandson always in spirit (that’s why he had allowed the ship to be named the Drake, after all), and then Alph was aboard the ship, and the ground was already fading below.

Closing his eyes, Alph heaved a sigh.

“Something on your mind?”

“Ah-!!” Alph started. “Captain Charlie! I- I didn’t know you were there!”

“Hm.” Captain Charlie crossed his arms over his chest.

Alph looked back to the window, back to the ever-shrinking planet. “I-... was just thinking, how little time we were given to say goodbye, and…”

“And how long it might be before we see them again,” Captain Charlie finished.

Alph blinked. Captain Charlie had seemed so confident, so sure of himself and of the mission when they took off. Alph was astonished to hear the Captain voicing the same doubts as he, in such an even voice.

But of course, it made sense. Captain Charlie had been a space ranger. He had probably made similar departures time and time again, not knowing if some danger might take him away from his home for longer than he had expected. Not knowing when he would return home, if he would return at all.

“... Yeah,” Alph replied quietly. “That.”

For a long moment, Captain Charlie simply stared out the viewport, eyes presumably locked on the planet. Then, looking at Alph, he said, “Koppai is depending on us. We will return. We must return.”

Alph just looked away and nodded.

He had never had much trouble sleeping away from home, and he had spent many nights already aboard the Drake when it was being built. But that night, Alph spent far too long awake in his cabin, quietly sobbing into his pillow.

✿✿✿

“Alph? Are… Are you okay?”

At the sound of his name, Alph blinked awake. He was in the pilot’s seat of the Drake, a multitude of lights and screens idly flashing various bits of information at him.

“Huh?” He responded drowsily, turning the chair to face whoever had addressed him. “Y-yeah. I’m fine.”

“Really?” Brittany responded skeptically, leaning against the doorframe. “Because you weren’t answering your comms, and when I came in here to find you, it seemed an awful lot like you were asleep.”

Alph laughed a little sheepishly, rubbing the back of his head, his cheeks flushing in embarrassment. “I- I guess I may have dozed off there for a few seconds.” What would Brittany, or Captain Charlie, think of him now, knowing that he couldn’t be trusted to stay awake at the helm?

“Yeah, you may have. Anyway, I was trying to comm you because it’s dinner time.” Brittany held out a glass full of thick, blue fruit juice. “You’re lucky you’re not Charlie. I probably would’ve just drank his rations for him if he were late.” Then she frowned a little. “Don’t tell the captain I said that.”

Laughing just a little, Alph accepted the juice. “Only if you don’t tell him I was asleep.”

Brittany just waved off Alph’s concern. “Just between you and me, I think Charlie’s the only one of us who has been getting enough sleep. And that’s only because Mr. I’m-A-Space-Ranger can pretty much fall asleep on command.”

“Yeah. He’s pretty well self-disciplined.”

Brittany frowned. “That’s… one way to put it, certainly.”

Alph didn’t really know how to respond to that, so he just kept drinking his juice ration.

“Anyway,” Brittany stood up straight, “I should be getting back to my cabin. Some of us don’t have the luxury of afternoon naps in nice, quiet cockpits, and actually have to try to sleep at night in our cabins.”

Alph laughed a little. “I guess I’ve got to stay up and finish going over these diagnostics reports.”

Brittany nodded. “That’s probably a good plan.” She turned to leave. “Goodnight, Alph.”

Turning back to the dashboard, Alph realized he was smiling just a bit, the first time he had really smiled since embarking on this mission. “‘Goodnight, Brittany.”

✿✿✿

One week on the Drake, and everything was going as well as planned. The Koppaiates still had a good three weeks left before they made it to PNF-404, but this far, they had had no issues in their mission.

Alph had managed to settle in, and no longer had any trouble sleeping. Though he still missed home, he had more or less come to terms with the distance, and managed to suppress and dull the nagging worry of a lack of a return.

That didn’t mean his anxieties were over, though. Far from it, in fact.

Alph was well aware that, of the three of them there, he was the least accomplished. Captain Charlie had a long history as a space ranger, and Brittany was famous for her botanical research. And Alph… he was just Alph. World-recognized engineer Drake’s grandson, sure, but that meant nothing as far as his own achievements. He was unproven, had no acclaim to fame, or even hard work in the eyes of his crewmates. Alph was also the youngest of the three, which he was sure only added to their doubts of his capability. And even though there was some sort of tension between Brittany and Captain Charlie that Alph didn’t really understand, he still knew they often shared a worried glance behind his back when he wasn’t looking.

And Alph knew why. They didn’t know if he could be trusted to perform when their lives depended on it. And Alph didn’t blame them for that. He was nervous of it, too.

He only hoped that, when the time came, he would be able to do what he needed to.

✿✿✿

A week and a half, the Koppaiates has been steadily making their way towards Koppai’s salvation.

It was the middle of the night- or, rather, what Alph’s circadian rhythm and the Drake’s lighting systems determined was the middle of the night, as there really wasn’t any planetary rotation in the middle of space to determine night and day.

Nonetheless, it was effectively the middle of the night aboard the Drake, and Alph was sleeping soundly. He slept through the subtle shudder that ran through his grandfather’s beloved ship. He slept through the red emergency lighting suddenly flicking on. He even slept through the pneumatic hiss of his cabin’s door opening.

He did not, however, sleep through Captain Charlie suddenly shaking him awake, shouting his name. “Alph! There’s something wrong with the ship!”

Alph snapped awake, sitting up so fast he almost smashed his head into Captain Charlie’s. With only a glance at the captain, Alph sprang off his bunk and raced for the door. In the corridor, He was met by Brittany, who had an expression to match the captain’s.

Alph merely ran by her, sprinting for the ladder down to the Drake’s lower decks. Once on the floor with the Drake’s main engine and warp drive, among other various vital mechanisms, Alph paused only to snatch up his toolbelt, then he was running along again, heading for the warp drive, which was evidently the problem, going by the flashing red lights on its control panel. On arriving there, he quickly unlatched the maintenance panel, only to be greeted by a cloud of smoke and a shower of sparks.

Coughing and grimacing, Alph pulled away. Needless to say, that wasn’t good. Without the main warp drive the ship couldn’t travel in deep space, meaning that the Drake was currently just drifting in the void.

Which meant Alph had to fix it. Quickly.

Hearing but not really processing what Captain Charlie said behind him, Alph quickly hit the emergency shutdown on the control panel, grabbed a screwdriver from his toolbelt, and leaned forward, reaching into the machine. The smoke seemed to be coming from one of the hyperspace booster transformers, so that was what Alph decided to check first, and he began to unscrew the top paneling of the ventilated box.

With the warp drive shut down, Alph could work without immediate fear of being electrocuted or flash fried. But that didn’t mean the system wasn’t delicate and he could proceed without concentration, not to mention the fact that making an error in the repairs could end up making things worse. So he put all his concentration on sorting through the smoldering wiring and damaged circuitry.

Behind him, Brittany and Captain Charlie watched in apprehension, but Alph paid them little mind, only answering any queries with a distracted grunt. His full attention was on the machinery before him.

Eventually, after completing what he thought were sufficient repairs, he pulled away, and turned the warp drive back on via the control panel. Then he turned to Brittany. “Will you go up to the cockpit and start the warp drive?”

Brittany just nodded.

“Great! Comm me when you get there.”

Brittany gave Alph a slight frown. “Alph… you don’t have your comm unit. Or even you koppad.”

Alph blinked a little, and then realized what Brittany was talking about. When Captain Charlie had woken him up, he hadn’t paused to grab anything out of his cabin, so he didn’t have anything but his toolbelt, really…

And, Alph realized with a bit of an embarrassed blush, he hadn’t changed, either. He was still wearing his pajamas, a striped flannel shirt and matching pair of sweatpants (he wasn’t even wearing socks), both now thoroughly covered in grime and even a few singe marks from the sparks.

“Oh,” he said softly, kind of at a loss for words. “Right.”

Brittany just shook her head, presumably exasperated. “I can use the Drake’s intercom.”

“You could just comm me,” Captain Charlie suggested, “and I can relay anything to Alph.”

Brittany gave Captain Charlie a sidelong look. “That’ll be slower. I’ll just use the intercom.” And before Captain Charlie could argue, she was already heading for the ladder.

“Ri-ight,” Alph said slowly. “Now we just wait for her to start the warp drive.”

Captain Charlie gave a single affirmative nod. “You think you fixed it, then?”

Alph nodded. “It was a little tricky, because some of those lines run directly to and from the cosmic drive key, and I had to reroute some of the power, so there’s a small chance it might knock out the key. But if it does, I shouldn’t have too much trouble getting that working again, too!”

Captain Charlie smiled, just a little. “Good.”

Then the intercom crackled to life, and Brittany’s voice rang out through the ship. “Alright, Alph, I’m in the cockpit. I’ll set the warp drive to the first setting.”

In a moment, the big machine started humming, and Alph kept a wary eye on the control panel, waiting for any sort of warning message, so he could hit the emergency shutdown again. When no warning presented itself, he gave a small nod and relatched the maintenance panel. “Looks like it’s working!”

Captain Charlie smiled again, and Alph thought he saw just a glimmer of pride in the captain’s eyes. “Good job, Alph. Now go get yourself cleaned up, and get some sleep. It is still the middle of the night!”

“Yessir, Captain Charlie!”

✿✿✿

Alph’s repair work held up just fine, and the Drake was quickly back on course. And Alph noticed a sort of shift in Captain Charlie and Brittany’s attitudes towards him, too, however subtle and unconscious it might’ve been. There were no more of those silent glances behind his back, no more of those quiet whispers of concern. Alph appreciated immensely this change.

Only a day or so away from PNF-404, the biggest problem aboard the Drake was the crew’s antsiness, the cabin fever and boredom that burned to be released from the confines of the ship.

Alph was sitting in the bridge, his back to the wall, messing with his koppad. The powerful computers were incredibly versatile devices, and a skilled programmer could get them to do some extraordinary things. Currently, Alph had explained to Brittany when she asked, he was trying to connect the Drake’s fruit analysis system to the koppads, so that the results of the analysis could be viewed at any moment on the koppads. On hearing this, Brittany, presumably out of boredom, had volunteered to sit in the Drake’s analysis chamber so Alph could see if it was working.

After finishing the program he had written and remotely loading it into the Drake’s computer, Alph opened a comm channel to Brittany. “Alright, Brittany! I’m going to start the program.”

“Okay!” Came the response. “Let me know if it works!”

Alph nodded, even though Brittany couldn’t see him, and ran the program. In a few moments, an image of Brittany popped up on his koppad. “Oh! Looks like it’s working.”

“What does it say?”

“It says you’re a Koppaiate!”

“Oh, good,” Brittany giggled over the comm, “I was wondering about that!”

Alph just laughed.

“We should get the captain in here,” Brittany continued, “and see if the Drake has anything to say about him!”

Alph only gave a small chuckle at Brittany’s remark, but made no addition. He respected Captain Charlie to think of insulting him, but Brittany missed no opportunity to do so. Of course, this only worked to benefit Alph’s respect for Captain Charlie, as the captain never reprimanded any of Brittany’s remarks. Alph knew he sure would have been annoyed if one of his crew started rampantly insulting him!

As if summoned by Brittany’s remark, Captain Charlie suddenly strode into the bridge. After a quick glance around, he turned to Alph. “Where’s Brittany?”

“In the fruit analysis chamber!” Alph replied, holding his Koppad out to Captain Charlie. “See?”

Captain Charlie looked sorely confused. “...Why is Brittany in the fruit analysis chamber?”

“She’s helping me test a new program for the Drake’s analysis system!”

Captain Charlie blinked a little. Then he just shook his head and opened a new comm line to Brittany. “Brittany, would you please report to the bridge?” And Alph heard a muffled affirmative through Captain Charlie’s comm. In a few minutes, she joined Alph and the captain on the bridge.

After greeting Brittany with a small nod, Captain Charlie addressed both his crew. “Alright, in less than forty eight hours, we’ll be beginning our descent onto PNF-404. As captain, I’ve determined it to be wise to once again go over our plans, and make any preparations we can for landing.”

Alph nodded. He managed to keep a calm appearance, but he was just about bursting with excitement. Only two days until they were on an alien planet!

As the trio went over the plans for landing, Alph’s excitement only grew. In less than two days, he would be walking on a planet no one before he and his crewmates had ever been on. He would be one of the first to see plants and animals and all variety of things no one else had ever seen before. And he, Alph, would be there to save Koppai.

[superkickingit]

Kelsi Likes 90s Nickelodeon

Full Video:

Go to the bottom of this post to see all of my 90s Nickelodeon recommendations including documentaries, books, videos, podcasts, and more!

Recently, I decided to start a weekly show called “Kelsi Likes.” The title is an anagram! Each episode is about a different topic with only one thing in common...that I LIKE it! 

I’ll be doing episodes on wrestling, cartoons, my favorite movies, horror, my love of Halloween, tv shows, characters, my love for the 90s and so much more! 

But the first episode is about something very near and dear to my heart...

90s Nickelodeon <3

Now it’s important to note that there had been a few unique and out-of-the-box children’s shows BEFORE this time period, such as Pee Wee’s Playhouse (CBS 1986-1990 with reruns throughout the 1991). In my personal opinion, I can imagine that this show had a huge influence on American children’s television in general. It was hip, fun, and it had animation combined with live action. It also became very popular among college-aged adults. At the time of its airing, it was a cultural phenomenon. 

I haven’t found any written evidence to support this statement, but I think that this show could have easily influenced Nick’s new direction in the 90s. Nick wanted to go into a “creator driven” direction with their new animation department, and Pee Wee’s Playhouse was very much creator driven (Paul Ruebens). The art of the playhouse compared to the art style of Nickelodeon studios, Nickelodeon’s graphics, and Nickelodeon’s colorful style all seem very similar. And both Nickelodeon and Pee Wee appealed to adult audiences. Not to mention one of Nick’s first animated undertakings - Rugrats - used the same music producer as Pee Wee’s Playhouse: Mark Mothersbaugh. Regardless of any actual influence or not, there are similarities between Nick’s style and the style of Pee Wee’s Playhouse.

Overall, the 90s, more so than the 80s and earlier, marked a great time for children’s television, specifically cartoons. It was a time when television was changing - there was a “show about nothing” and sitcoms that tackled emotional issues that hadn’t been breached before (i.e. Roseanne, Boy Meets World, etc.). 

But you now also had non-toy driven, stylistically different animated series. A big part of that particular change, marked by a shift in style and attitude, was implemented and influenced by Nickelodeon. 

Some people argue that these overly positive perceptions of 90s Nick can be attributed mostly to nostalgia. 

Nostalgia can warp a person’s perception of what is good vs what’s bad. It can make you remember something terrible very fondly because you grew up watching it. i.e. some of the attitude era’s worst parts are glossed over because of nostalgia, and Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers can be really corny to try and rewatch today – but we still love it because we grew up with it. 

Having said that, there are many reasons why Nickelodeon in the 90s WAS actually revolutionary, yielding some of the greatest children’s television shows of all time – regardless of the nostalgia factor. 

Nick in the 90s was TV made FOR KIDS...but COOL ENOUGH that adults could enjoy it as well. 

To get an adult perspective, since he watched Nick with me as I grew up, I asked my dad, “Why did you let me watch some of the shows like Ren and Stimpy and Rocko that seem like they were a little mature?” 

His answer was simple, “Because I wanted to watch those shows. I liked them.” Thus proving that adults, especially lovers of animation, truly enjoyed Nick’s 90s programming. 

For additional research I began reading the book “Nickelodeon Nation: The History, Politics, and Economics of America's Only TV Channel for Kids.” 

It provided some fascinating insight behind some of the programming decisions made by Nickelodeon to create what we now so fondly remember. 

The book outlines that there was a large shift in thinking behind the scenes at Nickelodeon during the late eighties, early nineties: 

In 1989, Geraldine Laybourne became network president. In “Nickelodeon Nation,” it describes an important meeting that took place at Laybourne’s house that year in which the people involved in the network mapped out the new vision for Nickelodeon and the “philosophy” used in regards to developing the Nicktoons of the 90s. It’s interesting to note that Geraldine’s husband, Kit Laybourne, was an animator. Thus, we can deduce that he had some influence on her pro-animation mindset. 

A topic of conversation at that meeting was the current styles of animation that was out at the time. The executives at the meeting deduced that many cartoons of that time period “all looked alike” and that many shows used a “cookie cutter” approach to animation over artistry and creativity. 

The book also states that Laybourne believed that “the best characters lived inside the hearts of their creators...” 

These concepts became building blocks for the budding animation department, and a creator-driven series approach was born. 

Nick then proceeded to seek out artists and independent companies who had interesting ideas and concepts for animated shows. The network then commissioned eight, five minute pilots. The goal was to use focus groups of children to screen these pilots and then it would be decided which four of the eight pilots would be turned into full-length animated series. This was an unusual approach at the time. (It was a very costly undertaking to start a pilot-based system.) 

The result yielded three animated series (instead of the original plan of four) which aired in 1991: Rugrats, Ren and Stimpy and Doug. During this same time, the channel also revamped its style, bumpers, promos, etc. 

I highly recommend the book Nickelodeon Nation to anyone who wants to learn more about the transformation of Nickelodeon as a network and its journey to becoming a powerhouse of children’s television as well as how the network influenced and affected popular culture. There are some really in depth articles in the book which include discussions on Nick at Nite, the live action game shows, and much more.

I put some polls out on my Twitter to gauge which shows and characters people love and remember the most:

Not only did Nickelodeon have an impact in animation history, but their live action line up was also diverse, unique, and revolutionary. 

The Adventures of Pete and Pete, Clarissa Explains it All, Kenan and Kel, All That, Double Dare, Are You Afraid of the Dark?, Guts, Salute Your Shorts, Legends of the Hidden Temple and so many other shows were staples of 90s Nick.

These shows weren’t your typical kids’ fare. In the Adventures of Pete and Pete, Little Pete’s best friend was essentially a grown man who deemed himself to be a superhero of sorts, “The Strongest Man in the World,” Artie. Not sure if that character would be included in a Nick show today. Also, Little Pete had an unexplained tattoo of an adult woman on his arm. Why were they both named Pete? It didn’t matter! As kids we didn’t care that it was weird, we just loved that weirdness and many of us “90s kids” still feel enthralled by all the strangeness. In many cases, that 90s strangeness helped shape who we are today.

Looking back now, a lot of these shows, both animated and live action, still hold up. As adults, there are new elements to enjoy that you never noticed before - the references we were too young to get, the artistry behind the animation, the music, and/or the style of every show they produced, and we can now fully appreciate, in awe, the sheer amount of slime and pies used to film all of the Nick game shows! 

Another important aspect of 90s Nickelodeon was their philosophy of embracing childhood. Many Nick shows of this time period did not talk down to kids but rather emphasized the humor, creativity, imagination, the stories, and sometimes the plain silliness that kids wanted to see.

With the help of focus groups and unique, creative material crafted by inspired and invested creators I feel that Nick struck gold with its programming in the 90s.

Yes, nostalgia is still a big reason that many of us “90s kids” look back on this time with a smile and a sense longing to go back, but I think it’s clear that Nickelodeon did produce some wonderful, uniquely different content in the 90s that has since stood the test of time, has made its mark in television history, and still holds a special place in the hearts of many.

For more 90s Nickelodeon-themed content, Kelsi Recommends:

- Big Orange Couch: The 90s Nickelodeon Podcast:   

Episode 100 - “Listeners’ Favorite Nickelodeon Episodes”

Episode 95 - "Favorite First Seasons" 

Episode 1 - "Favorite Opening Credits" 

Episode 65 - “The Adventures of Pete and Pete: King of the Road”

Follow them on Twitter

Follow them on Instagram

- The Nick Box quarterly mystery crate from thenickbox.com 

Crates are filled with very unique items including Nicktoons and live action Nick-themed merchandise. All the items are of great quality, and the mystery crate is worth every penny.

- The NickRewind Channel on YouTube 

Playlists and videos on all kinds of old Nick shows which includes interesting information and tidbits. i.e. Kennan and Kel Take on the Double Dare Obstacle Course; an Old Nicksclusive playlist; etc. 

The Music & Sound Behind Doug | On the Orange Couch: Doug 

A whole playlist on Pete and Pete called “PeteandPeteTakeover”

Fun Video about Artie

- An interesting article written by Lawrence Burney  

In the article he interviewed the creator of Doug: Jim Jinkins

- “I Know that Voice” documentary on Amazon Prime 

A great film about voice acting. It was released in 2013. 150 interviews of producers, animators, and voice actors were conducted for this film. There were rumors of a release of a series of the same name that would expand on the documentary. It was supposed to be released in 2018, but I couldn’t find any other information on it.

- theadventuresofdannyandmike.com

The actors from Pete and Pete have their own podcast

They also do nostalgia tours

- Nick Animation Podcast

Episode 49 - “The Making of an Iconic Theme Song”

Episode 31 - “E.G. Daily”

- Book: Nickelodeon Nation: The History, Politics, and Economics of America's Only TV Channel for Kids.

Buy on Amazon

Book Review

- Book: Slimed!: An Oral History of Nickelodeon’s Golden Age 

[frederator-studios]

Adrian Thatcher: The Frederator Interview

From Nelvana’s studio in Toronto, Adrian Thatcher has been expertly steering the Bravest Warriors Space Whale from the Director’s chair. We here at Frederator have had as much fun watching Adrian’s work, as he's had creating it! Here, Adrian discusses his windy path toward directing animated TV, and the many awesome shows and films he’s contributed to along the way. I’ve gotta echo Adrian on one BIG point: bring Clone High back!!

Did you go to school to study animation, or anything else?

I went to Sheridan College in Ontario. I applied for almost every artistic course I could think of: Illustration, Graphic Design, Industrial Design, and of course Classical Animation. I ended up taking one year of Illustration before switching to Classical Animation. 

When did you know you wanted to work in cartoons, and what inspired that choice?

Like a lot of people in animation, I didn’t even realize that working in cartoons could be an actual career. Drawing was pretty much the only thing I did as a child, so I knew that I’d have a career in something creative. But animation probably would have been very far down the list—I really enjoyed graphic design and advertising in high school. I didn’t make a conscious choice to pursue animation professionally until about halfway through my first year of college. The industry was booming and it was in the news a lot. Jurassic Park, Toy Story, The Mask. It didn’t take long to discover that many Sheridan graduates were key players in some of these films. These were people that went to the exact same school I did; I thought, “I can do that!” 

So that was my first concrete inspiration, from a career perspective. But I had early brushes with animation as a kid. My big brother showed me how to make flip books. The subject of which mainly consisted of a little stick-man skateboarder doing tricks before falling off of cliffs, smashing into walls or onto a bed of spikes. Inspiring stuff as a kid, seeing your drawings move, but not exactly something that I thought I could turn into a career.

What shape did your path through animation take, position to position?

Great question! Let’s see, a walk down memory lane. My first job was at Walt Disney Animation Canada. Yes, they had a Canadian studio. Two actually: one in Vancouver, one in Toronto. I was hired onto the pre-production crew for Hercules II after my second year at Sheridan. The first job I did was inbetweening for Sylvain Chomet (The Triplets of Belleville) on development animation for a new Hercules villain. I enjoyed that but also wanted to explore my options, and pre-production was great for that. I did a little character, location, and prop design, as well as storyboarding. After Hercules II, we began Peter Pan: Return to Neverland; by then I’d narrowed my focus to location/prop design. I learned a ton from lead designers Ted Collyer and Dermot Walshe. From there I moved into production layout on Little Mermaid II, Lady and the Tramp II, Jungle Book II and a few smaller projects. For those films, I moved to Walt Disney Animation Australia for two years. Sydney was awesome and I learned a lot from the people down there, even if I didn’t know it at the time.

When I returned to Toronto, I started my 16+ year career with Nelvana as a location/prop designer on Clone High. A couple production layout gigs at Nelvana followed and then I was given my first art direction job on a show called 6teen after doing the development location designs in full colour. I loved the job even though I’d never planned on being an Art Director. I don’t think I even knew what an Art Director did until I started! I remember going home after being offered the job and searching the Internet for information about being an Art Director. I must have found the right stuff, because after that, I art directed Ruby Gloom, Willa’s Wild Life, and Scaredy Squirrel before getting my first directing job on The Adventures of Chuck and Friends. I even managed to win an Emmy award for Outstanding Individual Achievement in Art Direction on Willa’s Wild Life. After Chuck and Friends I went on to direct Oh No! It’s an Alien Invasion, Ranger Rob and then….wait for it... BRAVEST WARRIORS!

Ahh ye-ah! Since you've done everything from layout to design to art directing, do you have a favorite role? Was directing your goal?

I think that my favorite job has to be directing - it’s definitely where I’m happiest. At times it almost feels like that first week on the job at Disney, where I could choose what I wanted to do. Directing allows me to have a hand in many areas of the production. I still design some characters and locations, like the Slumber Sisters (BW, “Chained to Your Side”) and the Techno-Cavern (BW, “Whispers in the Morning”). I’ve even storyboarded a little! Ted Collyer and I teamed up to board the new Bravest opening. My favorite part of directing is working closely with, and having the support of, so many great people. People like my Assistant Director Campbell Bryer, who can step in and handle production details when my schedule gets crazy—and it often does. Marc Sevier, who keeps an eagle eye on the animation; Davian Bobrowska’s amazing art direction. Everyone on the team, really. I never chased directing: I just focused on learning as much as I could in the role I was in. Once I felt I’d learned enough in the role I was doing, I wanted to learn more, and that’s what really led me to directing. I’m still learning more every day.

What qualities are most important for a Director in animation to have?

Wow, there are so many and they all feel of equal importance. But a few in no particular order: I think that you need to remain humble. Having a big head as a Director will not serve you well. The ability to listen to the ideas of others and to collaborate is paramount. And having a sense of humor, of course!

If you weren't a Director of animated TV, what would you be?

That’s easy. I’d be a general contractor. For some reason I really like mudding and taping and I can cut in with a paint brush like a pro… I kinda wish I was kidding. Either that or a very low paid singer/songwriter. Yeah, I play a little guitar. No, not a ukulele. I mean I play guitar a little.

Do you have a favorite project ever, and why?

I’d have to say that I’m currently experiencing it! Directing Bravest Warriors here at Nelvana and getting to know all the great people at Frederator over the last year and a half has me in a permanent state of happy. 

Aww, yay! What do you like best about the show?

Making Bravest is a blast. I get the biggest pleasure from the writing and humor. It has a great balance of weirdness and intellect. Benjamin Townsend (Story Editor) has done a fantastic job of guiding the writers through the Bravest Multiverse. He’s very well read and a student of culture - it shows through in every script. We’re lucky to have him on the team.

Who is your favorite character on Bravest, and why? Do you have a favorite episode of the current season, so far?

My favorite character changes every day. I think it might be Danny…or Wallow…but then there’s Beth. Arrgh, this is tough. I think I have to say Danny. John (Omohundro) brings so much to the role. He’s a super funny dude! And my favorite episode? That’s even tougher. So far, I’d have to say it’s episode 416 “Nothin’ Stays the Same” by Ryan North. It’s a great Beth episode with a Groundhog Day theme. I really like the fast pace of that one.

How was it to work on Clone High - do people still tell you how much they love it? (I love it, so that counts as one).

HA! Clone High. I still love it. Yes, I still drop that name and get great reactions. Even now we quote Clone High on a daily basis here at Nelvana. Interesting fact: when I got the Bravest Warriors job, the very first person I contacted was Ted Collyer (Director of Clone High) to be part of the Bravest storyboard team. Lucky for us, Ted was just finishing up another series and accepted. Ted has been a huge part of Bravest; he was my teammate in boarding the opening. Clone High definitely deserves a reboot! Bring it back! Bring it back!

What were your favorite cartoons growing up, and what are your favorite animated shows or movies?

My absolute favorite cartoon growing up was the Bugs Bunny Road Runner Show. Sooo many iconic characters, and I loved the short formats. I think a show of the same format and structure would do well today. Of course The Simpsons. For animated movies, I’m a bit of a Disneyphile. My favorite of all is Aladdin. Toy Story II is right up there too. And, even though it’s not animated: Back to the Future. I’ve watched that movie too many times to count.

Thank you for the interview Adrian, and the awesome work on Bravest Warriors! Which everybody can catch up on riiiiiiight here :)

- Cooper

[rockinlibrarian]

Three Survey Memes

@e_louise_bates tagged me once directly and twice indirectly (I mean, since I'm already typing something here I might as well do the others too), so here. Please feel free to comment! I like discussions!

Survey One (what I was actually tagged for): Name my top ten favorite characters from ten different fandoms.

I feel like the way this is phrased, I should pick ten fandoms first and then narrow them down to the characters, so that's what I did. It's an easier way to find my favorite characters, anyway.

1. From Harry Potter: Luna Lovegood, obviously

2. From Tolkien: Samwise Gamgee, obviously

3. From the MCU: Peggy Carter, most obviously of all

4. From Star Wars: This is a product of me picking fandoms first, and then discovering I don't have an OBVIOUSLY answer this time. But when you get right down to it, I've always had a special place in my heart for Obi Wan.

5. From Diana Wynne Jones: Sophie Hatter. Stealing one from Louise there, but again, obviously.

6. From L.M. Montgomery: Stealing the fandom from Louise that time, but I on the other hand have to stick with Anne Shirley, because she may top my fave character list, period.

7. From Jane Austen: Rev. Henry Tilney, NOT stealing from Louise because again, OBVIOUSLY, as she well knows, too. :D

8. From Discworld: DEATH. This was hard, because as soon as I started thinking of Discworld, so many MUST INCLUDES came up. Tiffany! DEATH's granddaughter, whose name I totally had a minute ago when I first thought of it but now has suddenly slipped my mind as I'm typing it (my brain now keeps trying to tell me it's "Karen" but that feels utterly wrong Her last name's Sto-Helit. I think. EDIT: SUSAN! Of course. The second I hit "post")! Sam Vimes, one of the other great Sams of fiction! But who's there and perfect and wonderful through all of it? DEATH. So I'm sticking with that.

9. Uh, other Marvel properties that aren't the MCU: I just have to shout out again to the Loudermilk twins from Legion. They count as one person because they sort of are, and because their chemistry together just MAKES them, even though they both individually are pretty fun, too (Cary's dorkiness and Kerry's innocent enthusiasm for beating people up). There was like a block of three or four episodes this season without them and it nearly ruined the whole season for me.

10. No particular fandom I'm aware of but no list of favorite characters is complete without: Blossom Culp. From the books by Richard Peck.

SURVEY TWO, a writing one:

1. When did you start writing and how? In first grade I had this dream about a disgruntled Santa's elf taking our church hostage on Christmas Eve. It was a great dream, so I decided to turn it into a book. Recently I decided to revisit it-- the basic plot, at least-- as a picture book. And for some stupid reason I decided it needed to be in verse. It might work some day.

Early on all my story ideas came from dreams, actually. Still today, my subconscious does most of my story-creating. Last night I had one about this huge family that lived in a mansion with a public pool in it and had all sorts of hijinks. They were great. They lived on Chalk Street and the oldest girl's boyfriend was named Granger the Ranger. Anyhoo.

2. What is your favorite line from your own work? It's got to be "Concentration leads to Meditation leads to Levitation leads to Aviation," because that's just a way of life.

I'm also partial to anything at all that Billy Boyd says in the Pipeweed Mafia Stories.

3. Who is your writing idol, and how have they influenced you? Hmm, I wouldn't call Madeleine L'Engle my writing idol, but she has influenced me the most, with her way of seeing the cosmic in the very small and the individual in the cosmic. And I named my daughter after her. But my Patron Saint of Writing whom I occasionally call on for intervention is Diana Wynne Jones. I don't know why. She just seems to be who I need to get my writing juices flowing.

4. Which oc has the best family (found or otherwise)? Of my characters? Hmm, I've never really focused much on family in my works. Even found family. I guess Billy 'Arrison's uncle IS George Harrison, so probably that.

5. Which oc has the most satisfying ending to their story? Ah, I'm terrible at endings. None of my characters has an ending to their story, not just because most of my works have never been finished, but because I keep thinking of things that happen to them later. NO ENDINGS.

6. If you’ve gotten feedback on your writing, who is your readers’ favorite character? If not who do you think readers will fall in love with? Well, no questions there. Billy 'Arrison. I mean look how often he's come up already in this survey. If you ask anybody whose ever read my work to name ANY of my original characters, they will go with Billy. Heck, people who HAVEN'T actually read his story would pick Billy.

7. Which tropes (eg. Friends to lovers, fake death, white haired pretty boy) do you always find yourself wanting to write? All my stories tend to have the theme of disparate people becoming friends through having an adventure together. I recently wondered if that's because I've always thought friendship would be easier if you could cut out all the small talk, and having an adventure leaves no time for small talk.

8. What goes through your head when writing a scene? The... scene? Also, random entirely unrelated stuff. Because I have ADHD. My brain is impossible to follow anywhere.

9. How specific is your idea of your characters’ appearance usually? Do you draw them? (If so can we see it?) Facial features are usually fairly foggy to me. I get general shape and color, so, like, what their hair looks like, their size, their race. I get their sense of style, too-- often I give them a signature item of clothing whether in my mind or in the text. I've drawn a few of my characters, yes, but I'm not particularly good at drawing consistently.

10. What are you proudest of as a writer? That I can occasionally look back at things I have written and be delighted by them as a reader. Unfortunately most of these things I have written continue to not be finished.

SURVEY THREE, also about writing:

1. How many works in progress do you currently have? That depends on your definition of "in progress." If you mean ACTUALLY IN PROGRESS, zero. Zip. Unless you count a couple of GeekMom articles I have in the planning stage. Or unless you count not-writing. I have a living room renovation in progress at the moment.

How many works do I have in an incomplete status that I plan to get back to eventually? Hmmm. At least five.

2. Do you/would you write fanfiction? I'm not INTO fanfiction but I do/have written a few pieces when they occur to me. There's of course the Pipeweed Mafia, which is a mix of Inklings fanfic and real people fanfic. You could count me writing George Harrison into Billy's background real people fic. One of my works in possible occasional progress is a Firefly fic about how Zoe fell in love with Wash. Oh, I should have put Firefly on my list of fandoms above, just so I could name Kaylee. KAYLEE, people. But I haven't written fic about her. Anyway. I also once wrote a very short prompt response X-Files fic that always delights me. It's silly, and yet in character.

3) Do you prefer paper books or ebooks? Paper.

4) When did you start writing? First grade.

5) Do you have someone you trust that you share your work with? A few people. It depends on the type of work, who would be the best fit for it. Louise is in fact one.

6) Where is your favorite place to write? Someplace where I don't have real life demands calling on me. Oddly enough, I think I got some of my best writing done while working at the Children's Museum, during downtime. On slow days I'd write a scene on the back of my schedule. A page a day really adds up! Of course, on busy days that was unthinkable!

7) Favorite childhood book? Have I mentioned A Wrinkle In Time?

8) Writing for fun or publication? Depends on where I am in life. Now, it is for fun, unless it is an article.

9) Pen and paper or computer? First drafts pen and paper. Then putting it together on the computer.

10) Have you ever taken any writing classes? Yeah, I had some writing courses in college, and I also took correspondence courses twice.

11) What inspires you to write? Ideas. As I mentioned, I get a lot of ideas from dreams. But there's also, like, a swelling of words in my brain that needs to come out through my hands every so often. I called it "writeritis" as a kid, and I guess I still do.

TAGGING: Whoever. You know who you are, if any of this resonates with you!

[ganymedesclock]

Hey so remember that time that I was like “so I’m gonna come up with pokemon for some major Voltron characters, but I’m gonna limit it to two each because what kinda maniac would do full teams for 12+ characters”?

Me. I am that kinda maniac. 

Team Voltron in this post- Sincline plus Haggar and Zarkon later.

Lance Milotic [s] * Primarina * Gyarados * Swampert * Octillery * Lapras

Lance ended up with the single most evenly-typed team out of everybody I put here. The shiny Milotic is his signature pokemon but overall I can see Lance spending a lot of time with his team, both talking to them and grooming them. (if there’s anybody on the team I can see doing really well in contests, it’d be Lance)

Milotic and Gyarados are natural choices given the implication, as I’ve discussed before, that Lance is only a few steps behind Keith while not being a prodigy, and thus, a hard worker- so him getting pokemon that are regarded as pathetic, looked-down-upon initial evolutions, and refusing to give up on them no matter what, and reaping the rewards with a show-stopping team. 

Primarina arguably fits in for the same reasons (I remember when Sun/Moon started coming out, everybody dunked on Popplio) but with its final evolution being a ~beautiful mermaid~ there’s also no way Lance wouldn’t roll for that.

Octillery is a nod to Lance’s own brilliant marskmanship as well as being stated to be a calm pokemon that enjoys being fussed over, and Lapras are stated to sing to find each other, good for the empathetic connector that Lance is as a person. The swampert is both an effective canceler of electrical attacks (as Lance is pretty dang adaptable all things considered) and a nod to his connection with Hunk, the Earth paladin.

Keith Charizard (Y mega evolution) * Absol * Talonflame * Aegislash * Minior * Arcanine

I feel like Keith’s team, outside of the obvious fire motif, would be more ranger-like than focused on battling; the feeling from his house in s1e1 and the way he so clearly enjoys both the hoverbike and the outdoors strikes me as someone who would take very well to having a team that can let him tear across an open expanse or soar through the air. Either way, gotta have room to roam- his team has some rather large members.

I imagine Keith’s not a very earnest trainer. Most of his team came to him rather than him seeking them out, and they have funny personal stories behind almost all of them. The only exception is Charizard, who he got as a starter Charmander and who stuck with him the entire time he was shuffling around the foster system.

Aegislash are stated to be servants of those it believes possess a ‘kingly spirit’ and that one in particular doesn’t always listen to Keith, though it does sure seem interested in his welfare- it just sometimes disagrees with him on what that looks like. He’s never known it as a Honedge or Doublade- and it’s been around as long as he can remember. Perhaps someone asked it to look after him? It certainly nannies him an awful lot.

The arcanine he found as a growlithe hiding under a car, but it didn’t evolve until Garrison. Conversely the talonflame evolved really quickly; it was another adopted one (he found it after it hit a window and was able to nurse it back to health) I can see him using the talonflame more for exploration than for fighting.

Absol was a present from Shiro who thought they were similar-minded and could get along. (C’mon it’s a moody, well-intentioned prophet pokemon with flippy hair. I couldn’t not give one to Keith) It’s a little troubled but so’s he, so, they work.

Keith has no idea what’s up with the Minior. It latched onto him during his year in the desert and refused to leave him. He kinda thinks of it as a kindred spirit since they’re said to come from space and he feels pretty lost himself. (Kiddo you have no idea.)

Shiro Lucario * Skarmory * Mightyena * Umbreon * Scizor * Dusknoir

Veteran trainer who runs a tight ship, though not to his team’s detriment. A mix of dark and steel types, mostly, suitable for the tough-as-nails Black Paladin whose fighting style definitely has some shades of “brutally efficient”. As much as Shiro is an honorable and empathetic type, when it comes to life-or-death situations he goes for the throat big time. 

Thanks to his leadership, coordination and focus, they all made it through the missing year a bit beat up, a bit scarred, and pretty stressed- in particular his eevee didn’t exactly... plan to end up in that evolution but it had to evolve in the sunless sterile environment of the arena. 

Lucario is really nearly Shiro as a pokemon and I can see him sharing a very strong bond with it- the natural sense of justice, keen personal focus and that, for all of its strong instincts and wills, it’s a pack hunter that focuses on the idea of the group.

Skarmory is a pokemon said to refine its edge through experiencing hardship, battering its steel wings until it eventually regrows them and sharpens their cutting edge. Scizor fits in under that umbrella as well, since it’s another steel type and one that has to use its wings to thermoregulate, creating the image of an entity under pressure that has to regulate itself carefully. I sort of imagine during the missing year they spent a lot of time tanking for Shiro himself and for the rest of the team, and came out the most battered as a result. 

Mightyena is another socially-motivated pack hunter, which, given it’s a dark type and thus allegedly ‘evil’ would implicitly strike a balance between honorable and pragmatic, which is very significant to Shiro. 

Dusknoir’s a good sport, helpful and obliging, but Shiro sorta gets the creeps around it since he went into the missing year with only five pokemon (having given Keith his absol) and has absolutely no memory of when or where this one showed up and given its whole guide of the dead thing he sometimes wonders if it’s actually here for him in the not necessarily supportive sense of the term.

Hunk Donphan * Aggron * Bastiodon * Claydol * Golurk * Chansey

The donphan is his signature pokemon and primary companion- which matches his mentality basically perfectly as a relative slow mover that becomes virtually unstoppable once set on a single goal.

Hunk’s team pretty much embodies the dual nature of a compassionate protector of others with someone who will through-and-through mess you up if you tick him off or hurt his friends. You’d better believe that chansey is ready to throw down at any time of day. 

Aggron nicely embodies both with its propensity to restore and maintain its territory but also being a metal dinosaur that will protect that territory viciously.

Claydol and Golurk are more testaments to his curiosity and interest in technology. Hunk was the only one I gave a fossil pokemon, with the idea being he’s the sort of person who’d take the time to carefully nurse a revived prehistoric creature back to health. In general, I think Hunk’s team would be in good shape, like, he’s the type who just really enjoys taking care of them. He never officially signed up for the league (hence his lack of a starter) but just sorta accumulated pokemon that he made friends with.

In his defense most of these guys were a lot smaller when he started out and sometimes his donphan forgets that it’s not the size of a lapdog anymore. 

Pidge Rotom * Phantump * Porygon * Minun * Beldum * Cleffa

With only a single grass type, Pidge has the weakest connection to her element, but that much really makes sense- of the team she’s probably the most distant from understanding herself. Her team is all first evolutions as well- she’s got a lot of growing to do.

The rotom is both her signature and virtually never battles, usually hiding out in her laptop. They’re her best friend and avid confidant and she doesn’t like to have them occupy something they can’t talk to her through. (You bet your ass she has a Rotomdex. she built it herself)

Minun and Cleffa were gifts from her brother and her father respectively- Matt has a corresponding Plusle, and Cleffa because someone like Sam Holt who dedicated his life work to finding extraterrestrial life would be charmed by pokemon like the clefairy line that is rumored to have come from outer space. Pidge didn’t have much interest in the ‘conventional’ pokemon league and I imagine she only caught a few of her pokemon personally- most were from her family. Her mom got her Porygon partially in honor of her love of old-school graphics.

Beldum she caught all on her own! It was difficult- she killed an entire holiday- but she’s gonna have a metagross. As. soon as she can figure out how to encourage it to evolve. So far it’s not buying anything. Sometimes her Rotom has to chase it away from her laptop so it doesn’t try to dismantle her equipment. She has successfully trained it to fetch wrenches though.

Phantump is a new addition after her dad and brother went missing- they’re the spirits of lost children and while Pidge didn’t get lost as much as Sam and Matt did, I think that sense of being forlorn and isolated would lead her to quickly connect with a creature that felt the same way. By the time half of these babies grow up she’s gonna be pretty terrifying.

Allura Diancie * Audino * Florges * Altaria * Mawile * Espeon

Diancie’s basically a given. Of course Allura has a legendary, of course it’s the pink princess coming into her own, of course Allura’s team is mostly fairy types. Have you seen Mega Diancie? Tell me that’s not an Allura look.

Audino is a healer, Florges is a pokemon that explicitly makes gardens for royalty, and Altaria being a dragon bird basically is the embodiment of “beauty and grace and about to destroy your face.”

Mawile is also a nice testament to Allura’s toughness and strength of spirit, while Espeon is more a nice allusion to her strength of mind- also putting her as a counterpart to Shiro as the two leaders of the paladins. A very beautiful team, and a very competent one. 

Given Allura’s sentimental nature, I can see most of her pokemon being old childhood playmates, even Diancie- her apparent love of the outdoors and Altea’s climate would both imply that it wouldn’t be hard to run into powerful pokemon. So her team has a very strong emotional bond and are able to trust each other implicitly.

Originally I was going to give Allura Xerneas and Haggar Yveltal, but I thought that Diancie was a better fit for Allura, and while she’s OP, she’s not that OP, at least- not that consistently so the idea is they’re more entities that the two can call upon in times of need.

Coran Stoutland * Drampa * Probopass * Alakazam * Walrein * Carbink

Yes, I know what you’re thinking, and yes, yes I did.

That said Coran’s team is anything but a joke- he can and will cheerfully destroy you if you’re unprepared. His whole team is docile as sheep outside of combat, though- Allura has a lot of fond memories hanging out with that Drampa. 

Others (the Alakazam, Walrein, and Probopass) are a little lazier but still certainly friendly.

The carbink pretty much had to be there as soon as I looked at the relationship the carbink advisers are said to have with Diancie in the movie-verse since it’s basically the relationship between Coran and Allura just with pokemon. I sort of like the idea that in-universe working with Diancie and the carbinks is just a very standard affair for the Altean royal family- as diplomats they formed alliances with the pokemon in their environment before moving into space.

His signature pokemon is the Stoutland, through and through- a long-lived wise pokemon cited as a protector of others and a creature that will go through great toil to protect others. Also it’s such a stodgy, respectable-feeling thing, you can just imagine it patiently trotting along beside Coran on his way around the castle.