eijm415-blog

[pedgito]

pedro woke up today and said i’m ending the entire fandom

[goldenkirstein]

drunk aot boys hc's

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anonymous requested: Hey Raf, can I request some headcanons about what type of drunk Jean, Eren and Armin are and how they act when drunk, both in general and around their s/o? And you know, if they know their limits or don’t care because they enjoy being drunk and stuff. I just had this really random thought of Jean starting to give compliments to EVERYONE (and Eren is so weirded out when Jean tells him how soft his hair looks) and now I can’t stop wondering what they’d be like so yeah 😂

pairing: jean x gn! reader, eren x gn! reader, armin x gn! reader

wc: 1.3k+

tags: fluff, suggestive content, mentions of alcohol, vomiting, violence/aggression,

a/n: kind of got a little suggestive, but there's no smut. hope you enjoy reading, thank you for the request !!

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armin arlert:

He knows his limit, and on most days, he won’t drink past that, but sometimes on particularly stressful days, Armin thinks, one more drink won’t hurt. That thought is what gets him in trouble.

Usually, he’s easy to fluster when he is sober, but drunk Armin? Everyone is shocked at how unabashedly confident he is.

It does not matter if he has a s/o or not; he will be giggly and touchy and has no filter.

He gets very flushed, rosy cheeks and all.

Eren and Mikasa are unfazed by this; they have seen Armin drunk, but the others are shell-shocked when Armin starts singing back the lewd lyrics they use on him. He whispers them in your ear, and you have to pretend that he isn’t affecting you.

He begins making concoctions that will get him plastered and has to be physically restrained because:

Although it’s fun for him to forget about his worries for a night, he cannot handle his alcohol.

He wakes up with the worst hangovers, says that he will never drink again, which is a lie, but it’s a simple reassurance for the time being.

If everyone thinks he’s flirty and touchy when he’s with them, it just becomes dialed up to 100 when he is with you.

Usually, he gets blushy when you compliment him, but if they try it when he’s drunk? He will dish it back to them ten times worse.

“Yeah, I look pretty? You look even prettier when your clothes are-” “I know I did not hear Armin say what he just said to you. Who knew Arlert had such a foul mouth on him.”

He wants to be touching you 24/7; he’ll lean against you and quietly hum whatever song is playing, and if you push him off to go somewhere, he’ll get whiney and try to follow you wherever you are going.

He’s the type to wait for you outside the bathroom and continue talking to you, that is, if he can’t come inside.

He will try to kiss you, and drunk Armin kisses are almost always sloppy and messy, and as much as you try to push him away, he will end up landing a couple of kisses on your cheek and mouth-’adjacent’ area (his aim is kind of off).

Everyone likes going out to get drinks with him, he’s just fun to be around, and they also love seeing him enjoy himself for once and not worry about everyone else.

eren jaeger:

He is not a lightweight, but like Armin doesn’t get drunk often.

As such, he is usually assigned to taking care of the rest of them.

However, on the rare night where Eren does indulge, he becomes so reckless.

Eren will try to fight everyone, mostly Jean, though. It’s the worst when both of them are drunk and throwing punches (albeit missing most of them).

He will loop you in to participate in his antics, which almost always end up with him on the floor, and you need to pick him up and kiss him better (he plays his injuries up like a drama queen, just to secure a few more of those kisses).

He does get hungover the next day, but he doesn’t mind it too much because it happens so rarely.

Everyone is on high alert when it comes to drunk Eren because nine times out of ten, he is a danger to himself and occasionally can land a pretty mean punch.

One of the things he loves to do before he gets too drunk is to grab your jaw tilt it back to look at him, with a teasing glint in his eyes. He’ll wink at you and pour whatever he’s drinking down your throat and then gently close your mouth. If some of the drink spills from your lips, he’ll lean in and lick it up off your chin before kissing you and walking away to get another drink for himself.

When he’s wasted, he is not nearly as smooth, but Eren still thinks he is. He’ll try to talk to you up, but it’s just slurred words, with a crooked smile he thinks is a smirk.

He won’t be as touchy as Armin is, but there are a good few times where his arms are hooked around your neck, and he’s got you in a bear hug, mumbling, “everyone sucks; they made me get off the bar top, ‘m not talking ‘bout you though, you’re perfect.”

At some point, he does need to be tied up because he doesn’t know when to stop, and he will run away with his drinks if someone tries to take them from him.

When you try to take him home, he won’t recognize that it’s you, and he’ll just keep saying, “I have a partner, and even though you are very pretty, I’m a loyal man.” You just need to wait till he’s almost passed out because he’ll keep up this act as long he’s conscious.

Everyone enjoys his presence, but he can get quite out of control, so he taps out most of the time before he can get too drunk.

Jean Kirstein:

He doesn’t know his limit and, more often than not, crosses it; compared to the other two, he gets drunk more often.

Like Armin, he is a very flirty drunk, but he’s also super sloppy and has no filter whatsoever; he will say the first thing that pops into his mind.

He gets into fights with Eren, mostly because Eren provokes him, but in the same vein, he ends up complimenting Eren, something he would be caught dead doing if he was sober.

“You know what, jaeger? Your hair looks soft, I’ve been trying to figure out what to use for months, and I just can’t figure out your secret.” “Is this some new defensive technique you picked up? How am I supposed to hit you now?”

He genuinely thinks he’s the most competent person in the room, but he’s spewing out gibberish, and you don’t want to hurt his feelings, so you nod and pretend to understand him. Jean thinks his drunk babbling is what’s going to bring total world peace.

Nights with him always end up with Jean puking and spending the rest of the night in your lap, with you running your fingers through his hair. If you dare move your hand from his head, he’ll pout and take your hand and put it back on his head and won’t budge until he feels your fingers against his scalp.

Terrible hangovers; he doesn’t want to speak to anyone and spends the entire day in bed.

He becomes super affectionate with his friends and you. Jean’s a sweet man, but he doesn’t let anyone get to see his vulnerable side, so when he’s drunk, he lets everyone know what he thinks about them.

When Armin isn’t drinking, Jean is usually the one who tries to fluster him the most. When he succeeds, he’ll turn his attention to you and try to make you squirm.

Jean ends up confessing many things when he’s drunk; he tells you that he loves you for the first time when he’s drunk. The following morning, he acts like he doesn’t remember; Jean does, though and ends up properly telling you that he loves you later in the day.

His having no filter and his wayward confessions are also how he gets into fights with Eren. Jean lands a few good punches, but he tires himself out and just opts to hug Eren and tell him how much he appreciates him, despite Eren’s stubbornness.

Everyone loves having him around, but they have to watch out when he gets sappy or look out for him puking (he has ruined a good amount of furniture).

a/n: i hope you enjoyed this !! any feedback is appreciated i don't drink bshshs so i hope this sounded sorta realistic idk, i'm getting through the last couple of my requests now :)

taglist: @c0urtn3y, @depressedbisexual, @dai-tsukki-desu, @clean-soap, @nevcrmxre, @conniesspringersgf, @glittrkink

click here to join my taglist

As always, please leave a like/reblog if you enjoyed this, I appreciate it lots <33

[leonardhoee]

Ikevamp OC: Sandro Botticelli

Birthday: March 1, 1445

Zodiac Sign: Pisces

Height: 173cm (5’8)

Past Occupation: Artist

Vampiric Type: Lesser Vampire

MBTI Personality: ENFJ- A

Build: Lean, but toned. He says his best feature is his ass. Everyone agrees

Fashion Style: Modern day Sandro would wear light academia or cottage core. He would also wear a maid dress or skirt just because he’s proud of his thighs. In Ikevamp’s time period however, his priority is always comfort. He’s wear leather pants with either a white silk or cotton button up. (Tiddies out ofc because he is shameless) 

Background: Turned in 1510 by Lorenzo de Medici, Botticelli was initially unaware that he had even died and been resurrected as a vampire. As someone who greatly appreciates life, he was angry at first about being brought back without his permission, and immediately left the Medici court. For several decades he traveled the world and realized there was so much undiscovered beauty just waiting to be discovered and immortalized by him. Since then he made it his goal to seek out that beauty wherever he could, and create a painting so extravagant and ethereal that it would put the sun, moon, and stars to shame. 

Personality: He is one of the most outgoing people in the mansion. He is not afraid to speak his mind and often compliments random people he meets in town. He is very genuine, almost to a fault. He always sees the good in others and can be a bit naive at times, only because he choses to believe people at face value. His  authenticity and trust in others, inspire the people he cares about to believe in themselves and become more confident. He also tends to have a flair for the dramatic, basically the embodiment of “I’ll get over it, I just need to be dramatic first”. He can be a bit dreamy and carefree, tossing awareness of his surroundings. (One time he went horseback riding with Leonardo and saw a pretty flower. He spaced out, thinking about how he would paint it in the hands of a beautiful person and ended up getting thrown off his horse when he almost rode into a tree. A true himbo). His carefree attitude however, can leave him a bit detached from people. While he’s very empathetic, he doesn’t know what to do when those emotions are coming from him. Finding beauty is his motivation after being brought back, but what happens when he realizes beauty isn’t the only reason he’s so drawn to you?

In Love: At first, he simply thought he was attracted to you for your beauty. After all, that’s the reason he was drawn to people in the past. He understand’s beauty very well, but he doesn't know what true love feels like from his own perspective. A major conflict for him would be realizing that the reason his heart races after time you smile at him, isn't because he simply finds you worthy of his art. He is hopelessly in love with you. 

“Oh don’t worry, I’m just holding your hand because its pretty haha...”

He can be oblivious at the beginning and won’t understand why you’re jealousy that he’s admiring other people for their beauty. It’s only because he wants them to be art subjects right? 

But once he has come to terms with his feelings, he will be the sweetest lover you can ask for. You are a goddess to him, his one and only muse, and he will make sure you know that he worships every single part of you. (He will definitely ask to paint you nude because “beauty such as yours absolutely must be captured. I only hope I can capture your radiance the way you deserve Amore”)

Hobbies: Painting, Meddling in people’s business, Stargazing

Dislikes: Dishonest and close minded people, Spicy Food

Favorite Food: Crème Brûlée

Hated Food: Banana

Weaknesses: Physical fighting, Math, Situational awareness.

Speciality: Making people smile, Chaos

Extra Things:

-Lorenzo brought him back because he believed it would be a waste for the world to loose such talent so quickly. 

- He arrived at the mansion to surprise Leonardo after hearing he was still alive. It was supposed to be a temporary stay but he fell in love with Paris and asked Comte if he could move in with them.

- Sandro is a great singer and dancer and is often asked by Mozart to sing one of his pieces for him. However he only agrees if he is allowed to draw Mozart after. (He can’t help it, Mozart and Jean are so ethereally beautiful, they just have to be drawn.)

- While he is extremely talented artistically, he doesn't know how to cook, wash dishes, or hail a carriage. Sebastian has officially banned him from the kitchen after he set the cupboards on fire trying to make a cake. (Theo nearly had a stroke after taking a bite and realizing he mixed up the salt and sugar)

- He is already very hyper, and he is not allowed to touch coffee. One time Arthur gave him a cup and he was awake all night trying to turned all the residents into the perfect models. He carried their sleeping bodies to the garden and arranged them to resemble the 12 Olympians. Jean woke up the next morning curled up at Comte’s feet and since then he has banned Botticelli from visiting his room or painting him. 

- Botticelli originally met Leonardo while they were both studying in Verrocchio’s workshop, and he considers Leo to be like an older brother to him. Being the two college-age dumbasses they are, they decided to move in together and start working as waiters in a nearby restaurant. After most of the staff died from the plague, Leonardo came up with the bright idea of rebranding the restaurant, calling it called "Le tre rane di Sandro e Leonardo" (the Three Frogs of Sandro and Leonardo), and serving gourmet cuisine. It ended up being a failure because most of their customers were not used to the innovative new food being served. 

- A threeway with Leonardo is definitely a possibility for you.

- He has a pet peacock named Juno.

- Sometimes he lays down in the garden and watches the clouds imagining different animals based on their shapes.

- Surprising Botticelli is very good friends with Dazai, and his positive outlook on life has helped Dazai appreciate his own existence. None of the other residents understand their conversations but it makes perfect sense between them.

- He cannot handle spicy food. One time Dazai slipped chili powder into his dinner and his face turned red while he teared up. To this day he internally shudders every time he sees the others eating something spicy without flinching.

- He tries to avoid conflicts as much as he can because he tends to get emotional very quickly. Being so empathetic can be draining to him and getting into a fight hurts him more than it will ever hurt the other person.

- He loves making random sketches of you and the other residents, and he will leave them your respective rooms with a small note reminding everyone that they are appreciated.

- His love language is physical touch and he has a habit of kissing everyone on the cheek or forehead.

- Something about Napoleon’s room is so cozy and welcoming that it makes him sleepy. He’s woken up cuddling Napoleon many times. Yes they have kissed each other.

- Though, he doesn’t like taking naps with Leonardo because sleeping on the floor makes all his bones hurt.

- He has a sweet tooth that rivals Theo. Between the two of them, any desserts Sebastian buys, are eating within 2 days.

- Sandro loves shopping with Comte and he constantly asks Leonardo to let him pick out a new wardrobe. He cringes every time he sees those mismatched boots.

- Shakespeare is the only resident that makes him a bit wary. He is very good at figuring out when people are lying and Will’s personality unsettles him.

- Besides Leonardo, Vincent is his favorite resident. Sandro appreciates how kind and welcoming he is, and his favorite pastime is painting with him. If he ever hears people talk bad about Vincent he will not hesitate to give that person a piece of his mind.

- Sandro is a bi king who develops crushes very easily, but most of them are fleeting and superficial. He had a major crush on Leonardo that he quickly got over after they became friends. When they lived together, Leo would often tease him for his habit of falling for people so quickly and moving on within a week.

- Modern Botticelli would be a major Ariana Grande, Harry Styles, and FKA Twigs fan.

- One time he was running to show Dazai a pretty butterfly he found and he was so distracted by it that he didn’t notice the tree branch right in front of him. He ran into it so hard that he knocked himself out for 30 minutes and Napoleon had to carry him back inside the mansion.

Other characters he is similar to: Ranpo Edogawa, Tamaki Suoh, Grell Sutcliff

I’m going to be using Ikevamp Botticelli so you can follow that tag if you want to hear more about him!

[yougainedlove]

Your Ask Blog is really cool! Since your last one was on the subject of roommates, what would Undyne, Papyrus, and Mettaton be like as roommates if you don't mind me asking?

ey, thank you!!

these roommate ones are always so thought-provoking, I love ‘em

honestly I think I would love to be roommates with Paps or Undyne <3

METTATON

Ahem, heritage aside, he really is more of a ghost than anybody else. It comes with the territory of being a celebrity in that he’s often away, either on tour or film sets/music studios for long stretches or just frequently out during the day. He does his best to keep himself ‘at home’ as much as possible, but a lot of the time it just… isn’t possible. When he’s filming, unless it’s local, he stays in hotels. Ditto for tours, as well as having a genuine tour bus. So his roommate isn’t actually likely to see him all that often unless they try to keep up via calls, texts, video chats, etc. Which, of course, he’s very much open to!

When he is at home, expect him to probably be sleeping/charging. Being humanity’s star is exhausting, darling! The house is a place to relax, mostly, somewhere he can decompress without worrying about rehearsals or a busy schedule. Even someone like Mettaton who enjoys the attention and the fast-paced lifestyle needs a break every now and then. He does like that when he comes back to the house, his roommate is still there and happy to see him. It’s a little bit of normalcy and the kind of constancy he needs when he has his downtime.

Roommate probably gets a bunch of MTT merch? Particularly the ‘older’ stuff that’s sitting around so he can make room for new inventory. They’ll get shirts or plushies, things of that nature, half as an apology for not being around much and half because he’s trying to get rid of it. If he sees them wearing one of the T-shirts or displaying any of it, it… sort of warms his heart a bit. They’re outdated designs, but his roommate still treasures them? That’s… very sweet.

All in all he’s not a bad roommate even though he’s not around much. He’s neat and tidy when he is at the house, he always pays his portion of the rent/mortgage early (and has no issues covering his roommate’s portion a few times if they need him to), and is more than happy to make friends with his roommate as well. There are definitely worse roommates to have!

PAPYRUS

WOWIE, he is just so excited to share a living space with someone other than his messy, lazybones brother!!! Papyrus is out of the house more often than one might expect, between tries at different jobs and also taking his cool car out for everyone to gawk at. That said, he’s often out during the day and home in the evening and at night, so it’s certainly not as if he’s never home. At the very least, it means his roommate worrying about him not being home when it’s dark out will be a very rare occurrence. Coupled with this is the fact that he answers calls and texts religiously. His roommate will probably know where he is at any given time, because Papyrus almost never leaves without informing them in some way or another.

Sans hangs around a lot when he’s able, especially if Papyrus is out working and Sans is free! He enjoys spending time with his little bro’s roomie… and Papyrus, for his part, likes it if his big brother and his roommate get along. It’s almost like the two of them have another member of the family. Even though they and Papyrus are ‘just’ roommates, (Name) really should be prepared to be basically adopted as a sibling. Papyrus physically cannot not get emotionally attached to someone he shares a house with, and Sans is only too happy to treat his baby bro’s friend as part of the family. It’s… nice, really, how quickly these two default to treating Papyrus’ roommate like they’ve known (Name) all their lives.

Oh!! He most definitely does a lot of the cooking! As to how edible it is, eh… the results vary, since he’s attempting to get better at the culinary arts, but one thing is true: (Name) will have more pasta in a week than they could possibly eat in a month. It’ll be a wonder if they’re not sick of pasta in a few weeks, and yet, well… Papyrus is surprisingly effective at figuring out different combinations so that they never have the exact same meal twice. Unless his roommate happens to be a spaghetti aficionado like himself…? Ah, well. Either way, he’s more than delighted to handle meals, especially if his roommate isn’t much of a cook themselves. If they are, however, it’s just one more way the two of them can bond!!!

Overall he can be a bit ‘much’ simply because he’s an excitable, enthusiastic fellow who never seems to run out of energy. He might be a handful for people who prefer things quieter, but largely he’s the type who can get along with most people. He’s clean and organized, usually pays his part of the rent/mortgage on time, and is a very personable guy. Even someone who isn’t crazy about him at first will be hard-pressed to call him a bad roommate!

UNDYNE

NGAH, it’ll be nice to share a place with someone since she’s been so used to being on her own!! Well… she’s pretty sure it will be, anyway. She’s accustomed to being independent, so it takes a little bit of adjustment when it comes to the cohabitation thing. She’s been living in her own house by herself for so long, it’s… weird… to remember that there’s also another person in her house. That it’s not just her house. She does spend a lot of time out since, even on the surface, she works with the Royal Guard to keep the monster community safe, watch out for humans in danger too, etc., make sure everyone’s holding hands and singing Kum Ba Yah and all that good shit. She prefers to be home after dark, though, so her roommate will definitely be seeing a lot of her.

Alphys is over a lot, as is Papyrus! And also sometimes Napstablook if they’re not on tour with Mettaton. Undyne is the kind of person who has a lot of good friends, and Papyrus especially is used to coming over to hang out at her house with her. As long as there are clear boundaries and her roommate doesn’t mind having guests over frequently, it shouldn’t be a problem. Although… sometimes Undyne will drag (Name) into anime movie nights! Resistance is futile, abandon all hope, but the flip side is that she’ll also let them drag her into pretty much anything as well. Despite the fact that roommates don’t have to be besties, she… thinks it’s a lot! More! Tolerable! When two people living together are friends! That makes sense, right?

… Man, she’s intense, though, as is her job. Sometimes she gets called away at odd hours if something is happening crime-wise, particularly if the human police find that they need help from the Royal Guard. There are times she’s technically off her shift, that she has to suddenly disappear from the house for a while. Hopefully her roommate won’t worry too much… it’s kind of hard not to, though, isn’t it? Once they’ve gotten to know her and enjoy her company, occasionally anxiety happens when Undyne has to go off at weird times. It means a lot if (Name) talks to her after she gets back, or the next morning or whenever, to let her vent about crap!

She’s very intimidating, especially to shyer people, but after a little while, it hopefully won’t be a huge problem. Although she tends to forget when the rent/mortgage is due, and she can potentially make a lot of messes, she’s also super willing to fix her mistakes and try to be better in the future. If she screws something up in any way, you bet your ass she’ll also clean it up. She’s a surprisingly good roommate, with both a great heart and head on her shoulders, who cares about whoever she’s living with. It’s not so bad after all!!

[musesofolive]

Ahh I have been posting a lot today, I’m sure you’re all waiting for me to shut up lol. But not right now! Now that I think of the multi-muse house in my head and how my beloved oc’s are just like living in the place like they’re all roommates, I wanna explore that a lil bit.

Isla:

She is pretty much the closest thing to the mom of the house. She may not be the oldest, but she is the most emotionally and mentally mature for sure. Which, she constantly finds amusing considering Rowan is there and is her older sibling, but I digress! She’s the one who’s got the house set up on a system that works, who’s cleaning what room, who’s getting the dishes, who’s washing the laundry. She settles any disputes that come up in the house that may lead to violence, and she’s always the best shoulder to lean on when you’re not feeling the greatest.

She’s the natural leader of the house and everyone tends to trust her, there’s no one she really dislikes or doesn’t get along with. She gets along well with everyone, but mostly with Ciri and Rowan since she’s known them the longest. She tends to treat Nova like she’s her daughter, is always glad to have Sahar’s level headedness, and does appreciate Riley’s laidback ways.

Ciri:

She definitely keeps things the most lively in the house. She’s an agent of chaos, what can she say? Once she flies into the room, any hope of the atmosphere staying quiet is completely ruined. But she does have a habit for putting people in a good mood...most of the time, when she’s not pranking them or they’re not next to her room where they can constantly hear her singing. She can be more serious and stick to rules if she sees Isla getting overwhelmed though, but that’s really the only scenario where she loses her goofiness.

Isla and Nova are the ones she sticks by the most, with Rowan falling closely behind those two. She knows that they’ll enable her chaos whenever she decides to cause it. Riley is next after that because he’s just so easy to get with pranks, and it’s super funny teasing him, especially when he thinks his flirting is getting him literally anywhere. Sahar she doesn’t stick around too much, she gets the sense that the soldier can’t tolerate too much of her shenanigans and so for Isla’s sake, she leaves her be for the most part. But Sahar does tend to stop by to listen to Ciri’s songs when they’re not too bombastic.

Nova:

I love my girl, and it’s because I love her that I tend to deem her the emotionally wounded teen of the house. She’s not an actual teenager and she doesn’t act like one really, but Nova has been the most emotionally and physically scarred out of all them and has not had the time to heal any of it over yet, like the other roommates. So, she sticks to herself a lot. She used to only come down for meals and stay holed up in her room, but Ciri eventually wouldn’t have any of that and dragged her out from time to time. That came to the agreement that Nova will spend time with some of them outside of meals so long as Ciri stops busting her door down and dragging her by the arm. But for the most part she just follows the rules set and keeps her head down.

Ciri is the one she hangs around most, not entirely by choice, but she is the one she’s most familiar with so it’s better than a stranger in her opinion. After that is the Comerde siblings. Isla is very comforting, warm and treats her nicely. And she helps in such subtle ways so that Nova doesn’t have to feel embarrassed for asking for help. So when it comes to who she likes Isla actually sorta takes the cake. As for Rowan, they’re quiet and don’t usually ask too many questions. So, when Ciri and the others get way too overbearing, she rolls up to their room and just vibes with them while they read or do work, it’s a very mutually beneficial thing. Sahar’s not too far behind, she’s a bit too intense sometimes for Nova to vibe with her properly like she does with Rowan, but she’s helpful in getting her anger out, and helps her get better at self defense which makes her feel safer and less like she needs to lash out constantly. And then there’s...Riley. She does not like Riley. A. He’s a human man. B. She knows all the charm and flirting is just a facade, and she hates it. She doesn’t like people being fake with her, because then it reminds her of Dorian and makes her wonder what they’re really hiding. Also he’s way too touchy for her liking. Everything about him just rubs her the wrong way so she tends to stay away from him, and if she can’t, then those two are going to get into a fight.

Rowan:

They are simultaneously one of the chillest and one of the strictest in the house. Which makes no sense, but it’s true. Like, no, go ahead, do whatever you want, as long as you’re not bothering them, they really don’t care. But also, if they catch you not doing your chores or not following the rules, they will harp on you subtley like no tomorrow. They helped design the system set up actually, and they tend to supervise how it goes, suggesting different things to try to Isla when they notice something that can be improved. They sorta tried to take over as leader of the house since they believed they could run it better...yeah that lasted about a week before they handed that title back to Isla with a shake of their head. This group is nothing like their tribe, they just can’t. So, instead they’re like Isla’s left hand, enforcing the rules and keeping the peace from the shadows...but also not, because they are an enabler of chaos at their core. Not an agent, but if someone is looking to fix up some good natured mischief, they will gladly help and sit back and watch it all unfold. But usually they’re either in their room or in the library, working on papers for the trading business to send back to their father.

The Skywings are the two they get along with best, but for different reasons. Ciri creates glorious chaos while still following the rules, and they find that absolutely immaculate as they do whatever they feel like to help her. Nova is quiet and precisely what they need when they get into one of their “I’m surrounded by idiots” moods. Isla comes next, there are worse people, and she is still family. When they’re homesick they spend more time than usual with her, just to be reminded that there is still a piece of home with them. Sahar and Riley come afterwards. Not that they really dislike anyone here, if they don’t like them, then they have a neutral disposition at most. Sahar is just neutral territory because they’re very alike in some aspects, but she also shares some of Torin’s traits. It’s like an amalgamation of them and they find it interesting. And Riley is also someone who causes mischief, which they like, but also, they just...cannot deal with the flirtiness. Like at all, it flusters them way too much. If they are with Riley, it has to be in a group setting because otherwise they’ll just be blushing like no tomorrow at Riley’s endless flirting and charm.

Sahar:

If Isla’s the designated mom, Sahar is oddly enough sort of like the dad. She respects Isla and her desicions greatly, and enforces them more directly than Rowan does. She is Isla’s right hand woman for sure. She makes sure everyone is safe physically since that’s her better strong suit as a guard/soldier, she lets Isla handle the emotional aspects. She’s also the one to break up any fights physically, she’s tall and strong, it’s what she’s good at. She usually spends time in the training room, especially when she’s worked up, but honestly she makes her rounds to just about every room in that house that isn’t someone’s bedroom. She likes knowing the layout.

She prefers Isla’s company more than anyone else’s. The elf is just one of the few she doesn’t have to be all soldier-face with (and Isla is 100% teaching her how to dance. Sahar wasn’t convinced she’d be any good at it, but Isla’s proving her wrong.) and genuinely feels like she can be relaxed around. They respect Rowan’s professionalism and regards for the rules, even if they do let mischief happen. She feels both pity and admiration for Nova, she has clearly gone through things that would probably kill weaker people. And she wants to let her know that her battle is over, there’s no more need to keep fighting and it’s time to heal. But, words aren’t always her strong suit, so she tries to express that with how she spends her time with the young elf. She finds Ciri annoying and troublesome, but in a good way, if that makes sense. She’s like both a pesky hummingbird that keeps flitting around her face, but also reminds her of her brothers so she doesn’t mind it. So, she tolerates the Skywing so long as she doesn’t get herself into too much trouble. She tolerates Riley the least. They’re just two very different people. Sahar is about upholding the law and protecting others and being selfless, Riley is a con man who is selfish and literally only thinks about himself. Plus he’s committed crimes in her very country. Safe to say, opposites do not attract this time around. She’s much more no-nonsense with him than anyone else.

Riley:

I feel so bad but this one just like...gets picked on mercilessly. He is constantly bullied in this household, but not in a way that’s genuinely like upsetting just, teased a lot so that he can learn and get character development. And I promise the others aren’t treating him too badly and Isla always steps in if she feels everyone needs to lay off. That woman is basically Riley’s saving grace because she’s the only one who doesn’t pick on him. Not to say others don’t enjoy his presence on occasion, he didn’t learn his people skills for nothing after all, he’s usually one of the bigger talkers at the table and keeps the atmosphere nice and light. Either with his skills, or by being the comic relief. He’s starting to get fond of libraries all things considered, so he does find himself there often. And if he’s not there, he’s usually in the game room fiddling with some pool or playing cards. If he can rope the others into joining him, he’ll play some poker or just generally a game or two. And the bar, that man loves his alcohol.

Isla and Rowan are at the top of his list. Isla, for being the motherly saint she is and constantly getting the others to stop bullying him, plus she’s the only one who can in all actuality, handle him. She plays along with his games without ever actually losing, and she never gets boring to talk to. Which surprised him, because she’s one of the most sentimental, family-oriented people he knows. He didn’t think he’d ever get along with someone like her, but she’s just that inviting. And then there’s Rowan, again another family-oriented type. But he knows he started liking them because they fluster so easily at his flirting. He does love to get under people’s skin and tease them. Plus, for as family-oriented as they seem to be, they care in a very sensible way. And when he’s at the bar, usually drunk, he wonders if he could have ever been like them had he been with a proper family. He doesn’t really dislike Sahar, so much as he is just...frightened of her. Like, every time she looks at him, he can just tell she’s imagining putting his head on a pike or something. He’s very happy there’s a no fighting truce in that house, otherwise he’d have fled that house so fast to avoid getting either murdered or brought to jail for so many years by her. And Ciri and Nova are tied for the ones he dislikes the most. Ciri’s got an annoying habit of pranking him, and it sucks because nothing he ever does seem to get under her skin, he’s tried everything. But there’s nothing that does the trick, but she gets under his skin so easily and it drives him crazy. He only approves of her mischief from afar, and he hates that she constantly makes up little tunes that mock him. And then there’s Nova, and he was a little surprised. He didn’t think he’d ever end up liking her, sure, but like the animosity she shows him for literally no reason just astounds him. There’s nothing he can do to rectify it either. Everytime he tries it just gets worse, and he hates working with people he can’t control at least a little. That, and I mean, the guy is 40, she’s 25, the difference in mentality just makes them even less likely to enjoy the other’s presence. He’s constantly saying “who do you think you’re talking to, little girl? Hasn’t anyone told you to respect your elders?” To which she always snaps back “I’m an elf, you crusty bag of bones! Just because I look younger than you, doesn’t mean I am! And there’s hardly anything to respect from someone who’s an outlaw in every nation they can hide in!” Like just...keep them away from each other. The insults are funny at first, but it’s not long before someone makes a move to attack or say words that are going to cut too deep.

[rockingbrooklyn]

The Kings of Paradise Guys as Dads! (FLUFF) [KOP-headcanon]

Based on Anonymous request: Whenever you have time, could you do the KOP guys as fathers/or when the MC is pregnant?

I decided to combine both these scenarios and write this headcanon, albeit a bit lengthy and kinda detailed. I've written this with the basic idea of the guys having a daughter, because it really appealed to me. Hope you like it!❤

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Taki:

When MC first told him about the pregnancy, he had been over the moon. He had dreamt of having a family with her ever since high school. He hugged her tight and the first words out of his mouth were "Thank you MC, I love you so much, I can't even express how happy I am". And he sounded choked.

He started reading a lot. If not working or pampering MC, he would read various Internet articles regarding pregnancy.

He pampered MC much much more than usual. From bringing her mindful gifts to giving her a fragrant bath or a back massage, he would go that extra mile to make sure she was happy and comfortable. It was almost daily that he brought little gifts for MC when he came home from work, much to her chagrin.

Taki is incredibly mature and that showed in his ability to handle any situation- from MC's mood swings to her cravings.

On those nights when the baby would be extra kicky and render MC sleepless, he would sing to MC's belly and rub it to soothe the baby. It was the most tender version of Taki MC had ever seen.

He had kept all the funds that they would ever require for the baby ready beforehand. He has also secretly kept money in various bank accounts for MC. Not that he'd ever mention this to her because she tends to worry, but this is his precaution to ensure that MC has enough to provide for herself and their baby god forbid something horrible ever happened to him. His biggest fear is not being able to take care of his family and watching them suffer in dangerous situations like he did when young, so he has taken every possible measure to ensure that nothing would ever separate him from them.

He has the best health insurances for himself, MC and also for their coming baby.

He has all big mergers and business deals done before the arrival of the baby so that he wouldn't miss out on the initial few years of it's life. He has everything meticulously planned, it's almost like an OCD for him.

Taki and MC decorated the nursery and baby-proofed the house together. The nursery has several momentos from their journey together from high school uptil that moment, and it is something very sentimental for both of them.

He drove MC to the hospital about 2 days prior to the due date, just to avoid any last minute stress. Whenever MC would feel stressed, he would be there to hug her and make her feel at ease.

He held her shoulders and encouraged her to push when she went into labour. It was difficult for him to see her in pain, but in order to support her, he had to remain composed.

He could barely hold his tears back when he first saw their baby daughter. Her face was more like MC, save for her eyes which were an exact copy of his. One look into her eyes, and he swore that he would do anything and everything in his power to ensure that his family would long for nothing. "MC, she's perfect" he said, looking at his wife in admiration.

The only thing MC does after coming home from the hospital is resting. Taki keeps her away from housework. He also takes care of the baby when MC is asleep. MC admonishes him at times because all that waking up late at night will definitely make him fall asleep on his desk (he did once, and he didn't tell MC this, but she knows better).

He strives to come home early so that he can play with his baby girl. MC loves to see Taki giggling and singing with the baby, and she swears she's never seen anything so adorable.

Taki is yet to get used to the diaper changing and upchucking, but he tries his best. He agrees that MC is so many times better than him at all the baby jobs.

Another reason that he comes home early is to keep the other guys away from his daughter. She doesn't need those immature problematic men with horrible gifting sense.

He's lost count of the number of times he's scolded Yosuke and the others for bringing those extravagant gifts for his daughter, but her 3 more than generous uncles refuse to listen. MC and Taki are confused as to what they are going to do with that mini-Mercedes.

Taki and MC sit together with Sydney and gently introduce her to her new baby sister. Sydney takes her role very seriously- she's even more aggressive towards Yosuke when he comes to see the baby.

Taki death-glared Shun hard when he said that he's going to be baby girl's boyfriend. His annoyance level reached maximum when his daughter giggled back in agreement. MC could barely hold back her laughter.

Taki's lockscreen is a picture of MC with their baby girl in her arms, while MC's lockscreen is a picture of a sleeping Taki with their baby girl sound asleep on his chest.

Yosuke:

Yosuke was really excited but also scared when MC told him she was pregnant. He had a less than pleasant experience with his own family, so he doubted his capabilities as a father.

Although he did not let MC in on it, he had been extremely unsure fir the first few weeks. Did he want a baby? Could he handle that responsibility? But the next moment, he thought about how enriched his life had become since MC, and another little MC wouldn't hurt at all. It was then he firmly decided, he was going to do this, by hook or by crook.

He was very excited, albeit a bit nervous about the first ultrasound. When he saw the tiny little bean- their tiny little bean on the screen, he was filled with an array of emotions all which told him that he dearly wanted this human in his life. That was the day when all of his inhibitions were put to rest.

Since the day MC revealed her pregnancy, Yosuke became extremely protective of her- he personally took care of her meals, even hired a nutritionist and a cook for her, got in the best of doctors and obstetricians and made sure he attended each gynaec visit. MC thought it was fun to see Yosuke so excited (and extra) about something.

He easily gets concerned by morning sickness and MC's mood swings. He cannot handle seeing her crying, he gets panicky and ends up doing weird things. Once when he saw MC crying watching an animal documentary, he went into a panic and came back dressed in a bunny onesie- complete with the whiskers and button nose. He was extremely embarrassed because he had no clue what to do, but that made MC smile so it was worth everything.

He's an compulsive Googler. He Googles practically everything that he is unsure about, and gets antsy when Google doesn't have an answer to his question. Honestly, the last thing he Googled was 'How to raise a baby?' If Google were a person, it would have gotten Yosuke arrested.

When the labour pains first started, he was genuinely more scared than MC herself. His hands were sweaty, and MC, through the pain, had to make sure her husband was okay. Inspite of being panicked, he refused to leave the delivery room so the doctors had to unwillingly keep him.

He watched the entire birth with fearful eyes, ready to collapse anytime with the amount of tension.

Throughout the course of her pregnancy, MC seriously wondered if Yosuke was her eldest forgotten child.

When the doctors handed him their crying daughter, there was an overflow of emotions inside him. He cried, cried a lot- his daughter, wet, kicking and wailing, was the loveliest thing he had ever seen. He couldn't believe this little one was theirs. "Thank you so much MC, I love you baby"

He made sure MC was comfortable in the hospital, and that she had her favourite foods- much to the annoyance of all doctors and nurses.

He spent the first 2 nights awake, looking at his new favourite girl. She had his exact mischievous face and eyes too, but her hair and skin colour matched MC.

SPOILER ALERT: Daddy's baby girl gets whatever she wants, and she isn't even 2 days old yet. He wants to bring her up like a princess, although MC is quite adamant that she doesn't want her daughter growing up to become a spoilt, rich brat. But Yosuke also promised her that he won't let their daughter go the wrong way, and he'll make damn sure of it.

He works from home quite often, so that he can take care of MC and play a lot with the baby. He treats both his girls with utmost care, and gives them all his attention. He does not want either of them feel what he did as a child.

Compulsive photographer. Clicks innumerable baby pictures daily, and most of them look the same, but he wouldn't delete them.

The first time his daughter threw up on him, he was like "Honey, why would you do this to me?" while MC tried hard not to laugh at the scene, making Yosuke pout. She replied, "Don't worry Yosuke, I still love you, even if you're covered in baby vomit"

Yosuke cannot see baby girl crying. The first wail itself is too much for him to take, and her tear streaked little face and desperate cries bring him to his knees.

He won't let the other guys hold her until he's made sure they've had a shower and are clean enough. He won't even let them hold her for more than a minute, and ofcourse Shun or even Taki for that matter, wouldn't listen to that which makes Yosuke really sulky.

When MC once joked about their daughter growing up and getting home a boyfriend just like Yosuke, boy he freakeddddd out. No, she's his baby girl, she doesn't need any other boy in her life except him!

Kiyohito:

When MC revealed the news to him, he teared up. He isn't really an emotional person, so seeing him react that way did worry MC a little bit. But he made it clear that he was happy and those were the happy kind of tears.

For his young age, he was a bit anxious at the aspect of fatherhood. But a mini him-&-MC? He couldn't wait to see that one!

He made sure of being not only physically, but also emotionally available for MC because it was the time for the most drastic changes for her, and he didn't want her to go through that alone. He makes it a point to be more vocal towards MC and tell her how he feels.

He also makes sure he's always there to listen to what MC has to say. He pays utmost attention to all her needs. He insists that MC speak out everything on her mind and he very religiously does the same- fears and inhibitions included. Communication is the key to a healthy pregnancy and relationship and noone knows that better than Kiyo.

He tries to be home early, but if he can't, he calls from time to time to check on MC, if she's had her meals, her vitamins and medications, if she's feeling okay and stuff like that. He has tried to attend as many check-ups as he could.

He always offers MC a soothing body massage whenever she's sore or tired.

He talks to MC's belly a lot. He'll whisper sweet things and rub it affectionately wishing that his baby recognizes him.

He's honestly scared when doctors rushed MC to the delivery room. He could not bear her screams and the nurse had to push him out.

When MC urged him to finally hold their baby girl- her stared at her long and hard, not being able to believe that she was here with them. She was the most beautiful girl he'd ever seen besides MC, and she had his exact angelic eyes.

When MC is sent home, Kiyohito usually manages the night duties, and it was then that MC realised: he had a horrible singing voice- it sounded like a constipated alien. But it soothes their daughter nonetheless (that poor baby girl), so MC has never told him that it sucks.

Kiyohito designs many cute onesies, frocks and clothes of a variety of styles for his baby girl. Even at that very tender age, she has a massive closet of her own. MC and Kiyo love dressing her up. He even tries various hairstyles on her baby hair. The other guys find it really adorable and it becomes difficult for Kiyo to get her back once he gives her to them.

He just cannot stand baby poop and vomit. The first time he smelt it, he threw up, no kidding. MC has to do all the dirty work herself.

Kiyohito has hired bodyguards for MC and the baby. He strictly keeps their daughter away from paparazzi. He also keeps her away from his social media. He wants her to have a normal private life. He is also particularly hesitant about his daughter entering into the entertainment or fashion industry because of all the bad politics involved in it.

Kiyo and MC have lost track of the number of diamond studded hairclips their daughter owns, thanks to Yosuke and Shun. And thanks to Taki for getting her that crocodile plush that she really adores. She wouldn't sleep without it and Kiyo is a bit annoyed at the fact that she won't take any of the soft toys he bought for her, to sleep.

Shun:

Shun and MC had been trying for a baby since quite sometime so when MC finally gave him the big news, he was incredibly happy.

He surprisingly cut down on his drinking without being told by anyone. Yosuke teases him a lot about it.

He meticulously tries to adjust his schedule so that he returns home on time for his wife and their new member. He also attends all ultrasound sessions and birthing classes with MC.

Takes MC on a babymoon to some exotic place so that she can relax and unwind.

Is the type to get MC a lot of treats while returning home. He picks up clothes, shoes, food for MC and toys for the baby on an impulse. If he's walking on the street, and he sees something in a shop that he likes, he's sure to bring it home.

He's really romantic towards MC because for the second time in his life, she's made him feel truly alive from the inside.

He wishes that their baby is a girl, because he wants a little girl just like MC. He regularly prays to God for that.

Shun often surprises MC with a bouquet of flowers, a shower of kisses, cuddles, a candlelight dinner or a bubble bath with her favourite bath bombs.

Shun personally gets into the baby-proofing stuff. He does not want to leave any corner of the house untouched.

Just before going to sleep, Shun spends some time on self-introspection and thinks how he can be a better husband and father. Unknown to him, MC hasn't missed the changes in his behaviour and she's thankful to have him in her life.

For all the time he spent carefully managing his schedule, the baby chose to arrive at that exact moment when he wasn't home. Taki, Yosuke and Kiyohito rushed MC to the hospital for an early delivery. Shun at that time was filming the last scene for his last film of the season in another town. So when Taki could finally reach him and tell him about the news, he drove to the hospital as fast as he could. But through the traffic and distance, it took him more than an hour to come. By the time he reached, MC had already delivered their daughter and was tiredly waiting for him.

"Look at our princess Shun, exactly like the one you wanted" MC had barely said the words when he wrapped her in a tight hug and cried to his hearts content. He was happy more than words could express, but also emotional at the aspect of not being able to witness their daughter's birth.

He held his daughter in his arms all night and thanked god for granting his wish. She has taken his dark hair and lip-shape, but the rest of her looks like MC. Once they return home, he has every plan ready to spoil the two of them.

Shun likes to soothe his daughter by playing the piano. When she's fussy, she won't settle for anyone but daddy. Since he's taken a short hiatus from filming, he is almost always at home. He doesn't want to miss anymore of his daughter's milestones.

He's surprisingly a pro at changing diapers, cleaning baby vomit and handling the teething. The other guys were surprised to see him do all the work without even scrunching his nose. They think he must have some sort of superpower.

Shun thinks that the guys are a bad influence for his daughter, and had plans to keep them away from her, but MC told him not to. The baby girl needs to have some entertainment in her life too. It still worries Shun as to what that entertainment might be. He also really hopes that Yosuke doesn't become her favourite uncle.

His daughter is his new muse, his new inspiration. He pens down poems and stories for her and she listens to him with all the attention that she can give at that age- eyes wide, saliva dribbling onto his shirt and hands in her mouth. It is an adorable sight to witness.

Shun has a really good singing voice and it moves MC to tears whenever she sees him singing to their daughter, her head on his chest and her little hand clasped in his- like a protector. His world revolves around his wife and daughter, he's proud of them, for he knows that they're his forever.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~☆~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Link to Masterpost

[laurafrayz]

it felt like an eternity

(i don’t ever say much, but sometimes it doesn’t take much, so maybe a trigger warning about depressing, abusive relationships goes here...)

the last post i made was october 2018. it feels like longer ago than that. i didn’t know i was still making attempts then, to faire semblant, to keep it all up. it feels like it’s been years since i was ok, since i was creative, since i was alive. i’m not kidding, i dramatize things for the sake of the art, make it sound more astounding or profound. but this needs no talking up. all i felt anymore was the crushing weight of perpetual loss. that’s what happens when you love someone who doesn’t love you back. when they say they do, and you decide to believe them, because you want to be loved, but then they show you a thing that no one should mistake for caring. no one should accept that kind of love. but you do, for so many reasons that are all mistakes. they lie to you every time they tell you they love you, and you lie to yourself every time you accept it, every time you convince yourself that better isn’t out there anywhere. you start to believe that if this person loves you, and this is how they treat you, then this is how you deserve to be treated. you start to believe that this is all you’re worth. and you believe that somehow everything that goes wrong is your fault. so if you can somehow be better, you can fix this. or you recall who they were when they first wooed you, and you just keep waiting for that to come back. 

i lied to myself so hard i was so desperate i was so destroyed

because i wanted to believe in love, see. i wanted it so very badly. and i didn’t believe that love was perfect or beautiful or easy. i believed that it was hard work. so no matter how hard it got, i thought, i can handle this. this is just the rough patch we get through, we come out of it stronger together. but we weren’t in it together. he wasn’t in it with me. i told myself i could suffer through anything for the person i loved, until i wondered how long you were supposed to keep doing that. i believed very hard, that love survives anything and everything, if you are determined enough.  But i was running on empty, everything in me desert dry. (well, no, i cried all the time). i told myself i could not leave him because he needed me. because i wanted to be the one person in the world who refused to give up on him, so he could have something to believe in too. i told myself i could never love anyone else. i didn’t want to be alone again. (even though i was, either way). i didn’t want to think of trying to fall in love again. i didn’t think i could handle it ever again. because if this is love, love tears you up. i told myself i couldn’t even be attracted to anyone else. feel anything for anyone else. i told myself that even if i tried to find a new love, it would turn out just like this one, because this is love, this is what always happens to it. and this is the love i deserve, i can’t hope for better. if i found better it would be out of my league, and it would leave me. 

i was wrecked. i was depressed. i was anxious all the time. i laid on the floor and never wanted to move again. didn’t think i was even physically capable of getting back up, i would just lay there until I died. i wanted to self destruct. i wanted everything to be over. but i didn’t want to have to be the one to pull the trigger. i wished one of us would just die, except not really, i was totally losing my mind.  he was incapable of being there for me, incapable of feeling, incapable of coherent conversation. he was conscious a few hours out of a day, he was cruel, he was dangerous. and i was afraid for his downward spiral, his recovery, his ruin, his losing everything, his death. i lived constantly afraid. and constantly questioning why. why him, why me, why i could do nothing about it, why he chose to do nothing about it, why i was never enough. 

friends and family begged me to get out. i watched opportunities pass me by, even when they lingered extra long to give me a really good chance. i could not do it. every time i said, i choose to believe in him, i choose to believe in love, in someday, i can wait. i adjusted, acclimated to ever more pain, fear, disappointment. i was hurt, angry, confused, unstable. friends and family started giving me space. lots of space. i was hard to be around. i lost people who really loved me, waiting for someone who never would. he had made it very clear. but i did not want to accept it. besides, he still told me he did. it took talking it out with a psychiatrist. hearing myself confess everything, all of my fears to a totally neutral listener. the biggest hitch being that if i gave up on this, i would be giving up on love, and i wanted so badly to believe that love could survive anything and everything, and if i left i would be admitting that it couldn’t. that love really does just go away eventually, inevitably. she pointed to all of the red flags. she pointed to all of the lack of love. until i could admit that i wouldn’t be giving up on love at all, if it wasn’t there. i had clung very, very hard to potential. a potential future. his potential. the love we could have had, should have had, if he had come back around. i was afraid of losing things that did not exist. i was afraid of losing things i had already lost a long time ago. how long do you wait, before you realize it’s never coming back. 

for me, until you are absolutely, completely destroyed and can��t feel anything anymore. until they finally cross that one line you can’t forgive, because you will never feel safe with them again. and then you tell them it’s over and they say no. and then it gets even more complicated. they try to find ways to run you down even more somehow, so you won’t even be capable of leaving. but you’ve got your convictions, and your therapist now, and you drag yourself through to the end, that he keeps dragging out. the attacks on you, on your family, privately and publicly. the attacks from him, and his family, who never even knew you. they call you worthless. they call you weak. they call you a whore. they say you will never be loved. they say it was all your fault. that you are toxic and you will destroy everyone who ever tries to love you. they say things that were already creeping doubts inside of you, so that your fear finds them believable. reality becomes totally lost. 

i was traumatized. i lost reality, i lost friends, i lost my ‘love’, i lost myself. and i could not find it in me to believe in anything anymore. that things might be ok again someday. that love might exist and i could have it. that i was worth anything at all. that there were still people who existed who cared about me, genuinely, not just pitied me. i was building back up from nothing. maybe less than that. for the first time in my life i was having legitimate anxiety attacks. and so many things were triggers. i was afraid they would start ruining my life, i was a performer, a teacher, i needed to be able to operate under pressure. and then, of course, i found myself, and still do find myself, sometimes, terrified of men. they are not safe. i cannot breathe around them. they cannot be trusted.

it’s been about a year. a year and maybe a couple of months, and i feel tentative like a turtle or a snail, very slowly coming back out after you’ve poked it. i slowly re-collected parts of me. i believe in good things. i hope. i dance and sing and draw. and i almost write again. i meet people. and i believe that they are good. and i feel more like me, and believing in me too. and i have someone who says love to me, gently, like he knows i’m a forest creature that’ll spook at foreign sounds. i find it impossible to think about the future, or love on a long term scale. i find it difficult to fathom why anyone would love me at all. but i am learning to accept it again. 

i never imagined i would be taking time to heal from something so honestly, profoundly devastating. (and that even this gives me an impostor syndrome, like my hurt is not as big as anyone else’s, so i should not be so affected). 

what i mean is. please don’t ever let it happen to you. with all of my heart, and every fiber of me. i hope that you always know how much you are worth, and what you deserve. that you will not settle, or suffer. that you know what love is, and when it has left, and where to draw the line, before it gets so late. that you can be a romantic, but some things should not be romanticized.  please, please, don’t let anyone run you down, or steal everything from you. destroy you, and steal you from yourself. please only give your all to people who will not abuse it. please let yourself be cherished, supported, appreciated...

[ablack-reblogs]

Sherlock SSN 4 ‘Live’ Blog

Sherlock, Season 4

The Lying Detective, Episode 2

 ‘Live’ Blog

 I’ve only seen a couple of spoilers – nothing substantial – so I am going into this practically blind (which is how normal people go into these sorts of things). But I’m also really angry about John Watson, the tainted character I once adored so dearly. I hope this episode somehow redeems him – if such a thing is even possible after what’s been done.

 Ugh…

 Here it goes.

 “Start from the beginning.”

 “You are holding yourself to an unreasonable standard.”

 AND IN TWO MINUTES …

 This show is super….

I just cannot do the life thing.

 At least it is hallucinations and not the red-head gal.

 BUT JOHN, SHERLOCK IS GIVING YOU THE SPACE THAT YOU DEMANDED! HE TRIED AND YOU LEFT A LETTER YOU DAMN BASTARD! YOU CANNOT SERIOUSLY BE CONFUSED AND OR UPSET BY A CHOICE YOU MADE! YOU MADE THE CHOICE AND FOR BLOODY ONCE HE RESPECTED IT.

 Damn you, John. Who decided to make you such a git?

Maybe Mary was right – “You don’t exactly make it easy being all perfect.”

FUCKING WHY.

 Who is this knob? He looks like a bad knob. The sort of knob you avoid.

 Ew… Gross knob person is touching someone in a weird way. Ew.

 Never ask what’s the worst thing someone could do – you always end up dead.

 I don’t like this knob.

Is he doing button button where is the button – but it’s this weird as drug that this dude made that knobbington didn’t ask permission to use?

 The hey hey hello is this shit?

 That dude with the beard looks like a younger President Snow, did anyone notice?

 I love that this woman went back to her office and wrote down key words that she *could* remember.

 EW Knobhead went a bit Trumpy on his daughter, gross gross.

 FOR PROBLEMS, YOU CANNOT DRUG PEOPLE WHO WILL FORGET THEY CANNOT HELP YOU! You’re just a sociopath for sure.

 Does weirdo dad see the paper.

 Yes he does. It is weird as fuck the way he touched her and held her. I’m a parent, and there’s an a different mood and facial expression when you’re just being affectionate toward your child.

He is being uncomfortable and weird.

So very weird.

I don’t like him.

 Years ago – so this has been years. Okay.

 “I can’t remember.” The biggest challenge one can issue to Sherlock Holmes.

 “You can’t tell all that from a piece of paper.”

“Sure I can. I just did. I’m sure that was me.”

What a cock.

 WHY is he there with Sherl?

 Needle.

Needle… Means drugs.

Drugs means nope.

 I AM NOPING MY WAY THROUGH THIS EPISODE.

 “Don’t speak it reminds me of your existence.” Me. That is me pretty much anytime I’m writing.

 Sherlock being worried about someone being suicidal fills my heart.

Being suicidal myself, it just touches me in a way I cannot describe. All the time we think of Sherlock as being cold and detached, and I know he’s interested in her story – but he isn’t just doing it for the case wholly. She reminds him of John in a way – and that is special to him.

And seeing that on screen is so very special to me.

I’m definitely crying.

  Her chips look so good.

 SUCH A GENUINE LAUGH AND SMILE.

SHERLOCK IS SO ADORABLE AT HUMANING.

 THEY ARE MONITORING SHERLOCK OH MY LLAMA.

 “It’s always about Sherlock.”

I would feel be for you John, but I am admittedly very pissed off at you. I’ll feel bad when I am less angry..

 I sort of ship these two – Mycroft and her (her name which I can’t remember right now because SEX was just dropped randomly)

(Maybe it is a low key way of saying Mycroft and his cohort are engaging in physical recreations)

 “I’m not sweet, I’m just high.”

 HE IS WRITING MYCROFT LAWWWWWL

 Sharonford?

Sharon Fort?

 THEY ARE WALKING ARM IN AND ARM AND IT IS SO ADORABLE.

SHERLOCK AS A NORMAL EVERYDAY PERSON IS FANTASTIC.

 I am L O V I N G this humanizing of Sherlock. It was so desperately needed. It adds a missing layer of dimension. It can make him better at his deductions and detective work.

 He wants some of her chips.

 Oh, whoops, he wants her gun.

SHERLOCK HOLMES IS TRYING TO SAVE HER LIFE IN HIS DARK KNIGHT WAY OH GOD

I AM IN LOVE

I was always a bit in love with Sherlock, though.

 PTSD flashbacks My babe no…

Bae no bae no

 She’s gone?

WHY IS SHE GONE?

 Oh my baby sherl no.

No no no no no no no no no.

 Who?

ANYONE?

SERIAL KILLER?

 Please tell me this isn’t all a hallucination from taking too many drugs. I can’t handle it. I need my Sherlock to be in good condition. I want him to be FINE.

 SHERLOCK WHY ARE YOU SELF-DESTRUCTIVE get hugs.

Avoid drugs.

HUGS NOT DRUGS.

 My husband just asked if Sherlock is tearing up Privet Drive, someone help me smack him!

 MISSUS FUCKING HUDSON

 Sherlock is a madman full of so much… stuff

 OH MY FUCKING GOD HE SHOT IN OR AT MISSUS FUCKING HUDSON

 I would not be making that bastard a cuppa. Mrs. Hudson you need to hug him.

 “Oh so you can see them too?”

 Also, that line – “I’m not a civilian.”

 I love Mrs. Hudson.

 HE WAS IN THE FUCKING TRUNK!

That would be why she’s not a civilian.

 I’VE BORROWED THEM BEFORE!

MRS. HUDSON HOLDING A GUN AT SHERLOCK.

 These lot are bunch of beautiful wankers.

 Covington Smith – gross man.

 “THIS ONE IS FILTHY!” It’s a goddamn vase, Sherlock.

 I almost feel bad for John Watson… Sherlock hijacking John’s schedule like that… But he’s PREDICTABLE to Sherlock… Except that cheating on Mary bit. That’s bogus. Still bogus.

 Sherlock is burning up to still impress John Watson.

 “You’re a liar.”

SAYS THE LIAR>

SAY

THE

FUCKING

LIArrrr

 THEY EDITED BULL SHIT

  The last person you’d think of.

Molly Hooper.

But I don’t think you understand, Molly Hooper is more important to him that most people realize.

 “God, I don’t know anything anymore.”

I don’t either, John, and it’s mostly your fault.

 John would ask the one thing she wouldn’t be willing to do…

 Mary is his conscious, she is the reflection of John inside – and pbljsdlfka;ghaeljkfa;

 “I’m in your head, John, you’re disagreeing with yourself.”

 “But he’s our monster.”

 I am so sorry that this is just turning into a reposting of all my favorite quotes. Sometimes I just fail.

 Molly is such a great person. I haven’t spent enough of my life admiring her.

 Sherlock is so bad at hugs.

 “Yeah, ugh, he doesn’t really wear the hat.”

Is it because the deerstalker is just for the bedroom, John Watson? You’d know wouldn’t you? Maybe, I suppose, if that were canon.

 Hiding in plain sight is – in fact – the best place to hide.

“What are we doing here? What’s the point?”

“I needed the hug.”

 “It’s funny because it’s true.”

 Sherlock is a cheeky git.

He really did a hug, didn’t he?

 Culverton not Covington. My apologies.

 WHAT A BITCH

��John doesn’t write Sherlock’s blog, though, does he?

John has always had his own blog – or this a detail I’ve forgotten?

 How is Sherlock speaking so intelligently.

He’s not sane.

 THE KIDS WOULD LOVE THE HAT.

John secretly adores the hat.

 “How do you catch a serial killer?”

 “Maybe this isn’t a suitable subject for the kids?”

What a bastard this man is…

So inappropriate as a man – so fucking gross.

 He’s not even INTRIGUING the way Moriarty was.

Not RELATABLE like Irene Adler.

NOT EVEN INTELLIGENT THE WAY THAT APPLEGATE BLOKE WAS (I can’t remember his name either, so I should probably rewatch this series. Stress has addled my brain with incapability and lack of recollection).

  John is super unimpressed.

 THIS MAN IS SO FUCKING FUCKED.

 John Watson will see this man dead.

I kind of almost am willing to pretend he didn’t make a a terrible choice as a husband.

“The Game is on. Do you still miss me?”

 Bloody hell, what a rough bit of life John Watson has had.

 What a terrible man he must be behind the scenes to make such an impression of power.

 HH Holmes – Sweeney Todd.

He wants to be known for his crimes now – probably ready to die, or possibly ill enough to know he’s dying soon. Like the man in the first episode.

 “Are you really a medical doctor?”

 I can see how he’s gotten away with the bullshit. He almost convinced me that Sherlock is…

 “She liked me.”

The look on his face. It was one of those moments of confusion.

 There’s so much happening right now and I’m thinking this man has decided to take down Sherlock. Or maybe I’m hopeful about the whole scenario.

Perhaps Sherlock has gone right proper mad. It’s not inconceivable.

 Lestrade is such an unsung hero.

 MAGNUSSEN – that’s his name.

 “We all saw it coming but it was fun.”

Calling it as it is, eh?

 “Might even move him to my favorite room.”

 I was right to believe my Sherl.

 WHO IS THE REAL CRIMINAL

JOHN OR FUCKING SHERLOCK

DEAR GOD SOMEONE HELP ME UNDERSTAND

 I need a whisky.

 “Let him do what he wants. He’s entitled. I killed his wife.”

 FUCKING NO HE DID NOT JOHN WATSON I WILL FIND YOU AND KICK YOUR ARSE PROPER

 “Please no violence” sings the serial killer

 What a right fuckhead.

 “Nope, I’m just in to say good-bye.”

“I’m sure he’ll pull through…”

John is bidding farewell not to Sherlock’s life but to Sherlock himself.

 These conversations with Mycroft always end with “there’s a car downstairs.”

 John is so much smarter than he gets credit for and so much dumber than we realize, how is that possible? A living, breathing oxymoron?

 At least he admitted he’s creepy. I feel must better about that.

I don’t like the gloves.

That adds to the killer part.

 “It’s practically a meth lab.”

 The woman that showed up was real.

The paper is real.

THIS IS SUCH A SERIOUS CASE SOMEBODY HALLLP

 “Oh shut up you.”

 “It didn’t the last time.”

 “You’re lying.”

 “He really is lyin.”

 “Sherlock isn’t your only brother.”

 “My god.”

 Mrs. Hudson detests Mycroft only slightly more than Sherlock Holmes.

Although, probably not as much as John Watson.

 Where did Athena go?

 “You really are an idiot, but that’s okay because you’re a lovely doctor!” One of my faves for sure.

 I have to stop quoting these beautiful characters.

“He’s more emotion than that, isn’t he?”

LAST ONE.

 Mrs. Hudson is the fucking boss.

I am so happy to have more of her in this season.

I hate Moffat and I hate that John is a cheating husband trash person, but damn it if this doesn’t become my favorite season. SO SO much depth is being added to these people and I love it.

I am actual sobbing guys, help me, rip.

 “Get our of my house, you reptile.” She definitely hates Mycroft more than anyone.

Top Anti-Mycroft Lady – Mrs. Hudson.

 Murder Castle, but done right – what a gross prat.

 This man is disgusting.

 “I want you to kill me.”

NO BABY NO

NO BABY BABY NO SHERLOCK No

 THE CAR SHE IS LETTING DOCTOR WATSON TAKE THE CAR SOMEONE HALP ME I CANNOT GO FROM EXTREME SAD TO EXTREME EXCITE I CANNOT DO IT

 “Tell me how you feel.”

 Well, Mr. Knobbington, I am in love with John Watson and I wanted him to have this beautiful life with Mary and now I have ruined it and I can’t handle it. I want to die and I have my reasons but I don’t want to die because I love him.

I love him so very much.

And I won’t make him live without the only person he has left to make him smile.

 /end_fanfiction_fantasty_of_johnlock

 I was worried I couldn’t ship Johnlock after this bloody season but I’m shiping it.

I shouldn’t be shipping it, really, because this show is so much more than romance – but romance is a part of life isn’t it? I don’t need them to be intimate – I don’t need them to homosexually active. I just want them to be Homoromantic – doing domestic things and being open about their prioritization of one another – and Rosie now – and being average.

 Getting impatient – I think you’ve just lost your strange ass necro-obsessive boner.

 GODDAMN IT PLEASE NO.

PLEASE VERY NO

WHAT IF THE THING HAPPENS

WHAT IF THE DEATH HAPPENS FOR REAL

I CANNOT DEAL WITH A PROPER SHERLOCKIA NDEATH

 Someone help I’m have a bit of an attack

I am shaky

 John watching that video is counterproductive.

I am so fucking dead

I am sooooo fucking dead

Kill him john

Kill him john

 There were more than three

He’s got a recording device in his arse?

 OH FUCKS SAKE IT IS ON THE CANE

 Gods do I love this man.

 Someone needs to give Lestrade a very long vacation WITH PAY and free pastries.

“I can break America?”

What the hell does that even mean?

Are we that bad?

 Who am I kidding, we are that bad.

 I wonder if the daughter hired a woman to help frame her father?

 “Make him wear the hat.”

Definitely a sexual fetish thing – it has to be – because I’m fucked up that way.

 That is true, the recordings could be inadmissible.

But they could also keep it as proof after he confessed – a judge could approve, after all.

 THAT SOUND IS BACK

OH MY LLAMA

 Oh, she’s dead.

Oh I bet she isn’t dead.

John looks a bit jealous.

 “I’m going to make a deduction.”

 “Happy birthday.”

“Never knew when you’re birthday.”

“Now you know.”

“You bloody moron.”

 Romantic entanglement would … COMPLETE YOU AS A HUMAN BEING

 ENGTANGLE YOURSELF WITH JOHN

 “She taught me to be the man she always thought me to be.”

Irene would not make Sherlock a better man – just more of the man he already is.

 The affair was real and I was ready to forgive him – and it’s gross that… It’s gross…

 “I never could be. That’s the point.”

He never could be the man that did more because of Mary.

 I think Sherlock should hug John right now.

 THEY ARE HUGGING

THEY ARE HUGGING AND IS THE EPITOME OF PROPER LOVE BETWEEN TWO MEN PLATONIC OR OTHERWISE IT IS BEAUTIFUL I HAVE WAITED FOUR GODDAMN SEASONS FOR THIS SMALL BIT OF AFFECTION I LOVE IT

 Sherlock has his weaknesses.

“I have this terrible thought from time to time… That we all might just be human.”

“Even you?”

“No, John…. Even you…”

 IT IS A FETISH.

 SHERLOCK CARES SO FUCKING MUCH JOHN IS THE MACHIEN AND SHERLOCK IS THE HUMAN AND ALL IS RIGHT IN THE WORLD

I FUCKING I am dead

I am so permanently dead because of this hsow

  AND THERE IS MORE

How the fuck can I even after this

  FUCKING I WAS RIHT YES YES YES YES YES YES I WAS SO FUCKIGN RIGHT ABOUT THESE TWO

I WA SO JS;ldkfaslkdfj;alghj;a wfj ;kasdjfa;ls

Do you guys even know that I called this like two pages htree pages back

Oh god this is elevent pages

So it was like eight pages ago

  LADY ALICIA

Oh gods you don’t know this

But ALICIA IS MY NAME

 That is interesting in an odd sort of way

 Myrcroft is such a fuck

 My husband is deducing the therapist is the girl that showed.

 John cannot escape the crazies.

 JOHN OH GOD YOU ARE NOT SAFE

 THIS SHOW BEEN FUCKING ME UP FOR YEARS

HALF OF THOSE YEARS ARE SPENT JUST WAITING

 SHERLOCK’S SECRET BROTHER IS A SECRET SISTER

HOLY FUCKIGN FUCKING FUCKING

 “You’re making such a funny face. I think I’ll put ah ole in it.”

 JOHN KSdjf;alkshgliu

 I can’t be alive anymore.

But I have to be alive to see the end.

 How many episodes this season?

MORE THAN THREE?

TELL ME MORE THAN THREE?!

 Fucking hell.

Bloody fucking hell.

 Someone help me.

I am so dead.

 I am so fucking dead.

Help.

Help.

           Help.

  x.x

x.x

x.x

x.x

x.x

x.x

 help.

[myloneandotis]

Week 7: Shit, this is hard.

Alrighty, It’s been a while since I’ve done this and I would like to clarify that it was not a conscious decision or thing that I was avoiding… More like something that I realized takes up a ton of time that I don’t really have. Time management is killing me, and I need to be better about that. This gap has been me learning how to better handle time.

GREAT BOOKS: We are now reading Plato’s Republic which has brought about a lot of interesting discussion. What really drives me crazy about this class is the fact that sometimes we get ourselves into this slippery slope where God is the conversation killer. Like being religious prevents people from analyzing the lives that we live. I feel like this loses the point. Just got out great books papers back and it seems like Clegg tore us a new one. The rewrites of that paper are due at the end of this week, but it’s Waves Weekend which means my family is coming to see me… so we’ll see how that goes. Either way, I love Clegg, she is the bomb. This week we are finishing the republic, but I was on Vocal Rest for a portion of the class as I had lost my voice early in the morning. And by some extremely interesting turn of events, the class told me that they loved my facial expressions and engagement in the class even if I can’t talk. It made my heart very quite happy.

PSYCHOLOGY: We only have one Psych class this week - okay honestly that was last week, but I’m going to have to skip psychology for a training session tomorrow  so it applies to this week as well. Psychology is a class I enjoy deeply, although I did relatively poorly on the first test. I feel like that’s just college in general: learning that the way you learn isn’t the way you should learn and having to re-learn how to learn… yeah… Professor Folkerts is the bomb diggity though. I also have a psychology paper due, so we’ll see about that. THAT one is due on the 13th, which means I have to write it on Thursday… It is thursday. Whoo!

THEORY: I’m feeling surprisingly confident on my second theory test and I did my first set of triad flashcards in under a minute - 45 seconds to be precise. I just signed up for my first sight-singing test which will be this Sunday and I am not excited for that… Dr Peeples cancelled class and as much as theory is just a fancy math class, I miss having theory. Although, I do not miss waking up at 8am. Having an 8am sucks, my sleeping patterns are crap. Either way, I like theory a lot!

CHOIR: Gosh, I will never not love choir. I think I appreciate it so much because I wanted for such a long time to be in choir and now I get to be in a choir where people really, genuinely care about music. Chamber choir is, of course, more challenging and thereby more enjoyable than Concert Choir. But Concert Choir is just plain fun to be in. It also provides a really satisfying warmup before the really meaty stud din Chamber Choir. I get to be one of the soloists in In Paradisum and I also get to sing an Ab by myself in Stars, which is SO fun! I really just love choir. We performed for the parents at Waves Weekend and jeez I just can’t express how much I love music. It’s incredible.

MUSIC @ 3: This week was not the best I’ve seen. I shed no tears. Andy did a phenomenal job! There was also a violinist who was positively amazing!! I think I may have fallen for him as an artist. He was seriously incredible.

PRIVATE VOICE LESSONS/DR E: I LOVE SINGING. Dr E is the bomb, and I’m gaining more and more confidence about my voice. I almost have my German down, which is great. But I need to work more on everything. I dunno.

TATUM: TATUM HAS AN ALMOST BOYFRIEND. His name is Garett and he is not a complete asshole! They met at hoots - which, for those who don’t know, it is like a dance club where people country-line-dance and I do not think I will ever go there, but Tatum keeps trying to get me to go - and although he really asshole-d up the first few times of them getting together, he’s not bad looking and that means we will give him the benefit of the doubt for a little while longer. UPdate: THEY’RE DATING NOW. Wowee, Tatum and I both have guys.

BIG FISH: This show is really good. It’s going to be very, extremely good. I don’t have much else to say about it. I wear like ten million wigs and my costume changes all happen within the minute marking. The show is wild. I am starting to love it.

FAMILY: IT IS WAVES WEEKEND WHICH MEANS MY FAMILY IS COMING TO SEE ME. I am ridiculously excited to see my family. I miss them a lot. I feel like I’ve definitely been romanticizing them in my head, but still. I cannot wait to see them. I love my family, I’m so sad that they had to go so soon, it feels unfair. Marlo is the same as she has always been, I feel left out, but that’s okay. They’re learning to live without me like I’m learning to live without them and it sucks. I love them, even if - sometimes - I don’t like them.

JACK: unless we reach an ultimatum where I KNOW whether or not that is true, I can neither move past it nor move on. I know it seems silly to talk about that at this point in my life, but it seemed silly for me to invest so much time in my future when I was younger and now I am here and it was worth the years of investment, so how would my relationship with Jack be any different. I just want to fast forward through these upcoming years and be with Jack - or not be with him, but overall just know where I’m going to wind up so I can start preparing for that? Sigh. Listening to Kaui talk about being in love with Riley and knowing that they are no longer together makes me worry about my relationship with Jack. I just want him to make some sort of effort or acknowledge that missing me hurts or give me some sign that he cares about me beyond just physically being with me. It’s really hard for me, and oftentimes I feel alone in that; if he doesn’t care I’d rather know. I’m being melodramatic and I know if, but I still think my feelings are valid. I put a lot of effort into our relationship and I made it very convenient for him to love me, now that the going is tough, I hope he doesn’t leave.

OVERALL EMOTIONAL WELL BEING: I’m fine. Not great, not horrible, but I am okay. I’m very tired al the time and having a lot of trouble sleeping. I’ve been having a lot of nightmares, not sure why. Keep you posted on this. By the end of the week, I honestly feel the same. More sad now that my parents are gone. It’ll get better, I’m hesitantly optimistic.